89: Sibling Rivalry - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #89 | January 9, 1998 89: Sibling Rivalry Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 89 集 | 1998 年 1 月 9 日 89：兄弟姐妹的竞争 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
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如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass It was [?
序言 艾拉·格拉斯 这是[？
Emmy ?] who explained it best.
艾美奖？]谁解释得最好。
This is years ago.
这是几年前的事了。
[?
[？
Connie ?] and Emmy were about to have their second child.
康妮？]和艾美即将生下他们的第二个孩子。
Connie must have been nine months pregnant already.
康妮肯定已经怀孕九个月了。
And their daughter, Maya, was getting nervous about having a new sister.
他们的女儿玛雅因为有了新妹妹而感到紧张。
And [?
和 [？
Emmy ?] said, I totally understand it.
艾美？]说，我完全理解。
He said, if Connie were to come home and say, "Honey, I'm going to be bringing home a second husband.
他说，如果康妮回家说：“亲爱的，我会带第二个丈夫回家。
He's going to be a little younger than you, a little cuter.
他会比你年轻一点，可爱一点。
I'm going to be spending most of my time with him.
我将花大部分时间和他在一起。
But honey, don't worry.
但是亲爱的，别担心。
I love you just as much." [?
我也同样爱你。” [？
Emmy ?] said, I would see through that in a second.
艾美奖？]说，我会在一秒钟内看穿这一点。
Sibling rivalry.
兄弟间的竞争。
When Jack and Lisa had their second child, their first daughter, [?
当杰克和丽莎生下他们的第二个孩子，也就是他们的第一个女儿时，[？
Tarpley, ?] was two and a half, seemed totally cheerful about the new baby.
塔普利，？]当时两岁半，似乎对新生婴儿非常高兴。
Then about three weeks after the new baby was born, [?
然后在新生儿出生后大约三周，[？
Tarpley ?] was at day care.
塔普利？]在日托中心。
And one of the women at day care asked her, "So how's your little sister doing?" Tarpley looked her straight in the eye and said, "She's dead."
日托中心的一位女士问她：“你的妹妹怎么样了？”塔普利直视着她的眼睛说道：“她死了。”
Well, from WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it is This American Life.
嗯，来自 WBEZ 芝加哥和国际公共广播电台，这是《美国生活》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today on our program, sibling rivalry, stories of people thrown together by fate to squabble inescapably.
今天在我们的节目中，兄弟姐妹之间的竞争，讲述了人们因命运而聚集在一起不可避免地发生争吵的故事。
Act One, He Is Heavy, He's My Brother, true tales of sibling horror.
第一幕，他很重，他是我的兄弟，兄弟恐怖的真实故事。
Act Two, Drama of the Gifted Child And Her Sister, what happens when your sibling is more talented than you ever dream of being.
第二幕，天才儿童和她妹妹的戏剧，当你的兄弟姐妹比你梦想的更有才华时会发生什么。
Act Three, Destiny, a mom records her own daughters fighting, and what she learns in the process.
第三幕，命运，一位母亲记录了自己女儿的战斗，以及她在这个过程中学到的东西。
Act Four, Fraternity is Destiny, the story of 100 brothers and their fates together.
第四幕《博爱就是命运》，讲述了 100 个兄弟和他们共同命运的故事。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, He Is Heavy, He's My Brother.
第一幕，他很重，他是我的兄弟。
What is it about our own brothers and sisters, that we treat them worse than we would ever treat anybody in our entire lives, anyone?
我们对待自己的兄弟姐妹比对待我们一生中任何人都更糟糕，这是怎么回事？
And if you doubt this is true, if you doubt it for a second, we offer these case examples.
如果您怀疑这是真的，如果您怀疑一秒钟，我们提供这些案例。
The very meanest thing would be locking my brother to a flagpole.
最卑鄙的事情就是把我弟弟锁在旗杆上。
He was chained to the flagpole for six hours.
他被锁在旗杆上六个小时。
He made me eat grass.
他让我吃草。
Woman 3 I used to play records that I knew she couldn't stand.
女人 3 我曾经播放我知道她无法忍受的唱片。
I'd play them over and over again.
我会一遍又一遍地播放它们。
And she'd get so frustrated that she'd throw butter knives at me.
她会非常沮丧，甚至会向我扔黄油刀。
She took my doll.
她拿走了我的布娃娃。
Her name was Beanie.
她的名字叫比妮。
And she threw it down the incinerator.
她把它扔进了焚化炉。
So my brother comes up to me, and he's like, what's your favorite thing in the entire world?
所以我哥哥走到我面前，他问我，这个世界上你最喜欢的东西是什么？
And at the time, my favorite thing in the whole world was this teeny little shell, this little tiger-backed shell that my grandfather had given me for Christmas.
当时，我在全世界最喜欢的东西就是这个小小的贝壳，这个小虎背贝壳，是我祖父送给我的圣诞节礼物。
So I go down to lunch.
所以我下去吃午饭。
I have a tuna fish sandwich.
我有一个金枪鱼三明治。
I come back upstairs, go to my room.
我回到楼上，回到我的房间。
There's no shell.
没有壳啊
And I hear my brother calling me from outside.
我听到我哥哥从外面叫我。
So I go downstairs.
于是我下楼去。
I go outside.
我到外面去。
And there is my brother.
还有我的兄弟。
And he's holding this string in his fingers, this yellow string.
他的手指握着这根绳子，这根黄色的绳子。
And on one side of the string is my shell, my little tiger shell.
绳子的一侧是我的贝壳，我的小老虎贝壳。
And on the other side of the string are my blue helium birthday balloons.
绳子的另一边是我的蓝色氦生日气球。
And I'm standing there about 20 feet away from him.
我站在离他大约 20 英尺的地方。
And he just opens his fingers.
他只是张开手指。
And I watch my shell float up into the wild blue yonder.
我看着我的贝壳漂浮到那边狂野的蓝色中。
We would take baths together.
我们会一起洗澡。
And a lot of that time was fun time.
大部分时间都是有趣的时间。
But there was also some times when we would fight.
但我们也有吵架的时候。
And I don't remember exactly how it happened.
我不记得具体是怎么发生的。
I remember being left by my mother in the bath with my brother.
我记得妈妈把我和弟弟留在浴室里。
And I pooped in the bathtub.
然后我就在浴缸里拉屎了。
And there was poop floating around in the bathtub.
浴缸里漂浮着大便。
And I somehow convinced him that it was his poop.
我以某种方式让他相信那是他的便便。
And they would hold me down.
他们会压制我。
And they would just [SLURPING NOISE] And they would just spill it on you, and in the forehead.
他们只会[吸吮噪音] 他们会把它洒在你身上，还有额头上。
It was just sloppy.
这只是马虎而已。
And they would just do this.
他们只会这样做。
They would get it ready.
他们会把它准备好。
And you could see them getting it ready.
你可以看到他们正在准备。
And then they'd do just this [SLURPING NOISE] And it would come out of their mouth.
然后他们就会发出[吸吮声]，然后声音就会从他们嘴里发出来。
But then they'd suck it back up.
但随后他们又会把它吸回来。
[SLURPING NOISE] But occasionally, they would just let it go.
[吸吮声]但偶尔，他们也会放手。
And he would tie a sheet on me and tell me I could fly like Superman.
他会在我身上绑一条床单并告诉我我可以像超人一样飞翔。
And he was going to let me test it first by jumping off the barn.
他打算让我先从谷仓跳下来测试一下。
[SLURPING NOISE] Man 1 Everyone knows this one, with a little brother or little sister.
[吸吮声] 男人 1 每个人都知道这个，他还有一个弟弟或妹妹。
When you're sitting around, and you really are lazy, and you don't want to go somewhere.
当你无所事事时，你真的很懒，你不想去某个地方。
You don't want to go outside and do your chores, or take the garbage, out or go to the store, or anything like that, there's a little game where you say, "Hey, Josh." My brother's name is Josh.
你不想出去做家务，或者倒垃圾，出去或者去商店，或者类似的事情，有一个小游戏，你可以说，“嘿，乔希。”我哥哥的名字叫乔希。
"Hey, if you can go to the store in less than five minutes and buy this, this, and that for me, and you get back within the five minutes time-- I'll time you on this watch-- I'll give you--" whatever, something close to you, like my favorite baseball card or $5 or something.
“嘿，如果你能在不到五分钟的时间内去商店给我买这个、这个、那个，然后你在五分钟内回来——我会用这块手表给你计时——我会给你——”不管怎样，一些你身边的东西，比如我最喜欢的棒球卡或 5 美元之类的。
And they get really excited.
他们真的很兴奋。
And they're like, oh yeah.
他们就像，哦，是的。
And you, "Go go go." And they just run.
而你，“走吧走吧。”他们只是跑。
You watch.
你看。
We used to be able to watch my brother just sort of go off into the distance, into the sunset running.
我们曾经能够看着我的兄弟跑向远方，奔向夕阳。
And he'd always beat the time.
他总是能打败时间。
He'd get back in three minutes, four minutes.
他会在三分钟、四分钟后回来。
And you'd always be like, "Oh, five minutes and four seconds, tough loss.
你总是会说，“哦，五分零四秒，惨痛的失败。
Next time.
下次。
You're getting better.
你越来越好了。
You're getting a lot better."
你已经好多了。”
Act Two, Drama of the Gifted Child's Sister.
第二幕，天才儿童的妹妹的戏剧。
Now, two stories, a little one and a big one, the little one first.
现在，两个故事，一个小故事，一个大故事，先小故事。
Tamar Brott grew up with an older brother who was a prodigy on the violin and a sister, one year younger than her, who sang, sang so well that now she is an opera singer.
塔玛·布洛特 (Tamar Brott) 和一个小提琴神童长大，还有一个比她小一岁的姐姐，姐姐唱歌非常好，现在她是一名歌剧演员。
Tamar was tone deaf, wanted to sing, but didn't do it very well.
塔玛五音不全，想唱歌，但唱得不好。
She still remembers the parties that her parents would throw when all the kids were still in grammar school.
她仍然记得当所有的孩子还在文法学校时，她的父母会举办聚会。
The climax of each of these parties would be the two of them performing.
每场派对的高潮都是他们两人的表演。
It would begin with my brother playing a really hard piece on the violin.
首先是我哥哥用小提琴演奏一首非常难的曲子。
And then my sister would be brought out.
然后我妹妹就会被带出来。
And she was an extremely beautiful child, and extremely small, so the impact was all the greater when she stepped up.
而且她是一个非常漂亮的孩子，而且又非常小，所以当她站起来的时候，冲击力就更大了。
I believe she had some sort of high chair she would get into and sing.
我相信她有某种高脚椅，她可以坐进去唱歌。
And the most amazing thing about it was I really am not conscious of who picked her repertoire.
最令人惊奇的是我真的不知道是谁选了她的曲目。
But she had these Malvina Reynolds songs that she sang.
但她有她唱的马尔维娜·雷诺兹的歌曲。
And they were all very sad and poignant.
他们都非常悲伤和心酸。
The one that would always get the guests, that was saved for the end, was this one.
总是能吸引客人的，留到最后的，就是这个。
And I don't know what it's called.
而且我不知道它叫什么。
But the lyrics were, "Turn around, and she's two.
但歌词是，“转身，她就两岁了。
Turn around, and she's four.
一转头，她已经四岁了。
Turn around, and she's a young girl going out of the door."
一转身，走出门来的却是一个少女。”
And she would sing this song.
她会唱这首歌。
And the guests would weep.
客人们也会哭泣。
It was just [INAUDIBLE].
这只是[听不清]。
And the thing that was really quite hideous about it, the most thing that I just can't forgive her for, is the pause she took after-- and she sang in a baby voice, too.
真正可怕的是，我最不能原谅她的事情是她之后的停顿——而且她也用婴儿的声音唱歌。
And it was like--
那就像——
Turn around, and you're two.
转身，你们就是两个人了。
Turn around, and you're four.
一转身，你就四岁了。
Turn around, and you're a young girl going out of the--
转身，你就是一个年轻女孩，正走出——
And she would have this long pause before "door." And you could glance around the room and see the tears just jutting out of these people's heads.
在“门”之前她会停顿很长时间。你可以环视房间，看到泪水从这些人的头上流出来。
It was horrible.
太可怕了。
And I think that's a turning point in your life, right then, when you realize you can not compete with a sibling.
我认为那是你人生的一个转折点，就在那时，当你意识到你无法与兄弟姐妹竞争时。
And that's probably the first time in life you learn that you can not compete.
这可能是你一生中第一次了解到你无法竞争。
You're never going to be as good.
你永远不会那么好。
You either accept it, and you're still whole, or you obsess on it.
你要么接受它，然后你仍然完整，要么你沉迷于它。
This is the thing.
就是这样。
These are the kinds of feelings of failure that we usually think that adults are the only ones who have to grapple with, people in their 40s and 50s and 60s, feeling like, "Oh, I'll never be rich.
这些是我们通常认为成年人是唯一需要应对的失败感，40 多岁、50 多岁和 60 多岁的人，感觉就像，“哦，我永远不会富有。
I'll never find true love.
我永远找不到真爱。
I'll never be famous.
我永远不会出名。
I'll never do what other people are able to do." And these are kids going through it, without all of the things that we, as adults, have to help us get through those feelings, alcohol, substance abuse, therapy, religion, sudden moves to the opposite side of the country, badly considered marriages to the wrong people.
我永远不会做别人能做的事。”这些孩子正在经历这一切，而没有我们作为成年人必须帮助我们克服这些感受的所有东西，酒精、药物滥用、治疗、宗教、突然搬到国家的另一边、考虑不周的与错误的人结婚。
They're kids, and the facts stare them in the face.
他们还是孩子，事实就摆在他们面前。
I am inferior.
我是劣等人。
And then you just have to deal.
然后你只需要处理。
Which brings us to the second story in this act, this one from Sandra Tsing Loh, from her book Aliens in America.
这给我们带来了这一幕的第二个故事，这个故事来自Sandra Tsing Loh，来自她的《外星人在美国》一书。
All I know is one October night in 1976, we changed from ballet people into Nutcracker people.
我所知道的是1976年10月的一个晚上，我们从芭蕾舞团变成了胡桃夹子团。
It had been like any other day.
那天就像任何其他日子一样。
My older sister, Kaitlin, and I had eaten the same after-school snacks, Muenster on pumpernickel, V8.
我的姐姐凯特琳和我吃过同样的放学后小吃，明斯特粗麦粗麦粉，V8。
We'd worn our Thursday leotards, navy and white V-neck, orange skater skirt.
我们穿着周四的紧身衣、海军蓝和白色的 V 领、橙色的溜冰裙。
We'd attended our usual classes at the Mahri School of Dance, Ballet 3 in the big studio, Ballet 2 in the little.
我们在 Mahri 舞蹈学校参加平常的课程，芭蕾舞 3 在大工作室，芭蕾 2 在小工作室。
Now my mother was driving us home in the same blue Ford Fairmont, and she was launching into her usual speech.
现在，我母亲开着同样的蓝色福特费尔蒙车送我们回家，她开始了她平常的演讲。
"Attack, Kaitlin, attack.
“攻击，凯特琳，攻击。
That's what your fouette needs, attack." Kaitlin, hunched and sullen in her parka, said nothing.
这就是你的福埃特所需要的，攻击。”穿着派克大衣的凯特琳弓着背，闷闷不乐，什么也没说。
At 16, Caitlin was "the brilliant one," hence the one who most often disappointed.
16 岁时，凯特琳是“最聪明的人”，因此也是最常令人失望的人。
And so she always rode home in the front seat, the better to receive this disappointment.
所以她总是坐在前排回家，这样才能更好地接受这种失望。
I was always assigned to the darkness and quiet of the back seat, enjoying vanilla finger cookies, far from achievement and its many complications.
我总是被分配到黑暗而安静的后座，享受香草手指饼干，远离成就及其许多并发症。
"What is wrong with you?
“你怎么了？
You are like a noodle, lifeless." Kaitlin set her jaw, turned away.
你就像一根面条，毫无生气。”凯特琳咬紧牙关，转过身去。
"Sometimes I wonder with you, Kaitlin.
“有时我也想知道你的情况，凯特琳。
Do you even want these lessons?
您甚至想要这些课程吗？
Heaven knows it is not cheap.
天知道它并不便宜。
If ballet is just one big chore, you should let me know.
如果芭蕾舞只是一项繁重的苦差事，你应该告诉我。
If getting picked by Irina Lichinska to dance in The Nutcracker is not important to you--"
如果被伊琳娜·利钦斯卡选中在《胡桃夹子》中跳舞对你来说并不重要——”
It was the first I'd heard of this.
这是我第一次听说这个。
Irina Lichinska was the ballet mistress of the famed Los Angeles Junior Ballet.
伊琳娜·利钦斯卡 (Irina Lichinska) 是著名的洛杉矶少年芭蕾舞团的芭蕾舞导师。
A Russian expatriate, she had a glamorous, if shady, past.
作为一名俄罗斯侨民，她有着光鲜亮丽但又不为人知的过去。
Rumor had it she defected from the Bolshoi in the '50s, married a duke, lived in Monaco for 10 years.
有传言说她在 50 年代从莫斯科大剧院叛逃，嫁给了一位公爵，在摩纳哥生活了 10 年。
She knew everyone famous at the ABT.
她认识 ABT 的每个名人。
Irina Lichinska was the sort of person who could take an average ballet student at the average Mahri School of Dance and lift her up to--
伊琳娜·利钦斯卡 (Irina Lichinska) 是那种能够将普通 Mahri 舞蹈学校的普通芭蕾舞学生提升到——
"If getting picked by Irina Lichinska is not important to you--" My sister turned her Grace Kelly profile with its upswept bun back to my mother.
“如果被伊琳娜·利钦斯卡选中对你来说并不重要的话——”我姐姐把格蕾丝·凯利头上翘起的发髻的侧脸转向了我的母亲。
"No, it's fine," she closed her eyes tiredly.
“不用了，没关系。”她疲倦地闭上眼睛。
"I will try to work on the fouettes."
“我会努力练习花花。”
"What a workout we had in Ballet 2 today," I exclaimed from my position way back in Siberia.
“今天我们在芭蕾舞 2 中进行的训练真是太棒了，”我在西伯利亚的位置上感叹道。
"Those leaps we had, I practically broke into a sweat.
“我们的那些跳跃，我几乎出了一身汗。
Did you see, Mama?
妈妈你看到了吗？
Real sweat." My mother glanced back over her shoulder and tossed me a bone.
真正的汗水。”我母亲回头看了一眼，扔给我一根骨头。
"Sure, Sandra, sure.
“当然，桑德拉，当然。
Good.
很好。
You keep trying."
你继续努力。”
I certainly didn't feel I was a bad dancer.
我当然不觉得自己舞跳得不好。
At age 13, only three years younger than Kaitlin, I had been studying almost as long as she had.
我 13 岁，只比凯特琳小三岁，但我的学习时间几乎和她一样长。
I loved ballet.
我喜欢芭蕾舞。
I loved what I understood to be the true dance part of it, the whirling about the room, mirrors and other dancers spinning around you, kaleidoscopic.
我喜欢我所理解的真正的舞蹈部分，在房间里旋转，镜子和其他舞者在你周围旋转，万花筒般。
I loved the tattered poster of pink satin pointe shoes in the dressing room.
我喜欢更衣室里粉红色缎面足尖鞋的破烂海报。
"Ballet," it said, "is inspiration."
“芭蕾，”它说，“是灵感。”
What Kaitlin had going for her, as far as I could see, was good form.
据我所知，凯特琳对她来说的优点是良好的状态。
Passe, attitude, arabesque, they were clean.
传球、态度、阿拉伯式花纹，他们都很干净。
She seemed to have almost an obsession with cleanliness.
她似乎对清洁近乎痴迷。
In warm ups, other girls would throw themselves into stretching exercises, triple pirouettes, or other showy endeavors.
在热身运动中，其他女孩会全身心投入伸展运动、三重旋转或其他花哨的活动。
Kaitlin, by contrast, would stand in front of the mirror and clock through her positions, first, second, third, fourth, fifth, making the tiniest micro-adjustments.
相比之下，凯特琳会站在镜子前，调整自己的位置，第一、第二、第三、第四、第五，进行最微小的微调。
It was almost mathematical, like an engineer tweaking a model airplane.
这几乎是数学的，就像工程师调整模型飞机一样。
And her face, totally aloof.
还有她的脸，完全冷漠。
Oh, a Nutcracker role would be wasted on Kaitlin.
哦，胡桃夹子的角色如果放在凯特琳身上就浪费了。
I, I was the true ballet dancer.
我，我是真正的芭蕾舞演员。
It was the day of the audition.
那天是试镜的日子。
The excitement among the 60 dance students crammed into the Mahri School of Dance, with mothers, had reached frenzy pitch.
挤在 Mahri 舞蹈学校的 60 名舞蹈学生和母亲们的兴奋达到了疯狂的程度。
Even the accessories were hysterical, tiara-ish Swan Lake headbands, chiffon Capezio dance skirts, flashy earrings.
就连配饰也是歇斯底里的头饰式天鹅湖头带、雪纺 Capezio 舞裙和华丽的耳环。
One girl had a miniature gold toe shoe hanging from each ear.
一个女孩的两只耳朵上挂着一只微型金脚趾鞋。
"Irina," someone called out.
“伊琳娜。”有人喊道。
The throng parted and Irina Lichinska emerged.
人群分开，伊琳娜·利钦斯卡出现。
In person, the legendary starmaker stood a mere five foot two.
这位传奇巨星本人身高只有五英尺二英寸。
Her 60-something years on this planet had clearly been tough ones.
她在这个星球上的 60 多岁岁月显然是艰难的。
She had dyed, jet-black hair cut in a lank pageboy.
她染了乌黑的头发，剪得像个瘦削的花童。
She had one roomy eye.
她有一只宽敞的眼睛。
Bright red lipstick slashed across her mouth.
鲜红色的口红划过她的嘴角。
She wore an oddly mannish trench coat and black boots.
她穿着一件奇怪的男性风衣和黑色靴子。
She looked like a bag lady.
她看起来像个包包女士。
"Hello.
“你好。
I am Irina.
我是伊琳娜。
Ladies, may I introduce Corinna?" From behind Irina stepped a thin-lipped, rail-thin Audrey Hepburn brunette in a wide cream headband.
女士们，我可以介绍一下科琳娜吗？”伊琳娜身后走来一位薄唇、瘦削的奥黛丽·赫本，黑发女郎，戴着宽大的奶油色发带。
"She will be leading your exercises today.
“今天她将带领你们进行练习。
She is expert in the Cecchetti method."
她是切凯蒂方法方面的专家。”
The Cecchetti method?
切凯蒂方法？
What on earth was that?
那到底是什么？
The brisk Corinna stepped forward to demonstrate.
精神抖擞的科琳娜上前示范。
"And a one, and a two?" Corinna asked, as though it were some deep metaphysical question.
“还有一个一，一个二？”科琳娜问道，仿佛这是一个深刻的形而上学问题。
She extended her right leg forward.
她向前伸出右腿。
"And a one, and a two," she replied, like that was the whole answer right there, doing a quick releve on her left leg, beating the right twice at the left knee and whipping it out to the side, her left leg spasming upward into another quick releve before going into a deft 180-degree pivot.
“还有一个，还有一个二，”她回答道，好像这就是整个答案一样，她在左腿上快速旋转，在左膝处敲打右腿两次，然后将其甩到一边，她的左腿向上痉挛，进入另一个快速旋转，然后敏捷地旋转 180 度。
A taut silence gripped the ragged semicircle of Mahri School of Dance-ers.
马赫里舞蹈学校的破烂半圆周围一片紧张的沉默。
Faces were white.
脸色惨白。
This wasn't ballet.
这不是芭蕾舞。
This was algebra.
这是代数。
"All right," Corinna said.
“好吧，”科琳娜说。
"In groups of eight, then." Eight stalwart Ballet 3 students stepped forward.
“那就八人一组吧。”八名坚强的芭蕾三级学生走上前来。
The pianist began the intro.
钢琴家开始介绍。
You could feel an audible breath.
你能感觉到呼吸声。
And then seven girls plunged fatally off in different directions, soldiers falling before the enemy's gun.
然后七名女孩从不同的方向摔倒，士兵们倒在了敌人的枪前。
The Cecchetti method had slayed them.
切凯蒂的方法杀死了他们。
But one person stood fast, Kaitlin.
但有一个人坚定地站着，那就是凯特琳。
There she stood in the center, steely as a weather vane, precise as a clock.
她站在中心，像风向标一样坚强，像时钟一样精确。
She was beating the right leg at the left knee, whipping it out, doing a quick releve, deftly moving into the pivot.
她用右腿敲击左膝，将其甩出，快速放松，灵巧地进入枢轴。
Her limbs were chiseled, elegant, clear.
她的四肢轮廓分明，优雅而清晰。
In that moment, I realized that what I couldn't do was that.
那一刻，我意识到我无法做到这一点。
For all my jumping, whirling, and half-split, I'd never be able to grasp that.
尽管我跳跃、旋转、半劈叉，但我永远无法理解这一点。
That was the elusive thing that made one girl stand out from 100.
这是让一个女孩从 100 名女孩中脱颖而出的难以捉摸的事情。
It was talent, the very face of talent.
这就是天赋，天赋的本来面目。
The question was not which role to give to Kaitlin, but how many.
问题不在于给凯特琳分配哪个角色，而是给多少个角色。
My mother related this in a tumble as we drove home in the blue Ford Fairmont.
当我们开着蓝色福特费尔蒙回家时，我母亲跌跌撞撞地讲述了这件事。
Irina had thought Spanish Princess.
伊琳娜曾以为西班牙公主。
Corinna had felt they needed Kaitlin to lead the Mirlitons.
科琳娜觉得他们需要凯特琳来领导米里顿家族。
The flowers, too, needed help.
花朵也需要帮助。
And how about the Snow Queen, or maybe even Sugar Plum Fairy?
那么雪之女王，或者糖梅仙子呢？
But Sugar Plum Fairy was an advanced, technical role, usually danced by someone on leave from the ABT.
但糖梅仙子是一个高级的、技术性的角色，通常由 ABT 休假的人来跳舞。
On the other hand, if done well, it could lead Kaitlin to New York.
另一方面，如果做得好，它可能会将凯特琳带到纽约。
In New York was Baryshnikov, Lincoln Center.
纽约有巴里什尼科夫林肯中心。
My mother went on and on, her voice soaring, cresting, swooping.
母亲继续说个不停，她的声音高亢、尖利、低沉。
Baryshnikov, Lincoln Center, New York, these were words none had ever dared breathe before in the Fairmont.
巴里什尼科夫，纽约林肯中心，这是费尔蒙酒店以前从未有人敢呼吸过的字眼。
Kaitlin did not smile, but her face seemed to shine in the street lamps that night.
凯特琳没有笑，但她的脸似乎在那天晚上的路灯下闪闪发光。
New York, I thought, New York.
纽约，我想，纽约。
God, she was really that good.
天哪，她真的那么好。
Irina had just one question for my mother.
伊琳娜只有一个问题要问我母亲。
"How are Kaitlin's fouettes?" "Coming along very well, very well, indeed," had been her bold reply.
“凯特琳的脚怎么样了？” “确实，进展得很好，非常好，”她大胆地回答道。
Kaitlin's face contorted into a hideous mask.
凯特琳的脸扭曲成一张可怕的面具。
"Fouettes," she cried out, "No. You know that's the one thing I can't do.
“福埃特，”她喊道，“不。你知道这是我做不到的一件事。
I always fall backwards."
我总是向后倒去。”
But my mother had an answer for everything.
但我的母亲对一切都有答案。
"All you need," my mother pushed on, "is a little more attack.
“你所需要的就是，”我母亲继续说道，“就是多一点攻击。
That is all.
仅此而已。
Just like I've been telling you." "Why do I have to be the Sugar Plum Fairy?
就像我一直告诉你的那样。” “为什么我一定要成为糖梅仙子？
Why can't I just do the Spanish dance or the Mirlitons?"
为什么我不能只跳西班牙舞或米里顿舞呢？”
"We will work on it at home.
“我们将在家里努力解决这个问题。
We will do that spotting exercise in the kitchen, every night." "Oh, no," Kaitlin repeated, suddenly looking old and tired.
我们每天晚上都会在厨房里进行定位练习。” “哦，不，”凯特琳重复道，她突然显得苍老而疲惫。
"Are you eating again, Sandra?" My mother turned abruptly.
“你又在吃饭了吗，桑德拉？”妈妈猛地转过身来。
"Uh, yeah," I replied, quickly swallowing my vanilla finger.
“呃，是的，”我回答道，很快吞下了我的香草手指。
"Just a cookie.
“只是一块饼干。
Just a couple.
只是一对。
I didn't finish them."
我没有完成它们。”
"Sandra, dear, you need to start thinking about just having a piece of fruit after class.
“桑德拉，亲爱的，你需要开始考虑下课后吃一块水果。
You're getting to be a big girl, quite big.
你会成为一个大女孩，相当大了。
Poor Sandra.
可怜的桑德拉。
Well, your grandmother always said you had good, solid legs, legs an empire could stand on."
嗯，你的祖母总是说你有一双又好又坚实的腿，一个帝国可以依靠的腿。”
"What?" I gasped.
“什么？”我喘着气。
"What are you saying?
“你在说什么？
I'm big?
我大了？
Do you mean I'm fat?"
你的意思是我胖了？”
"Spot and spot." My mother's voice drifted in from the kitchen.
“斑点和斑点。”厨房里传来妈妈的声音。
"Spot and spot."
“斑点和斑点。”
It was two weeks later.
那是两周后的事了。
Kaitlin had been training with Corinna by day, drilling with my mother by night.
凯特琳白天和科琳娜一起训练，晚上和我母亲一起训练。
Kaitlin's big fouette showdown with Irina was tomorrow.
明天凯特琳将与伊琳娜进行大快艇对决。
"It's no use," I could hear Kaitlin reply.
“这没有用，”我听到凯特琳回答。
"If you just have a little more confidence in yourself-- spot and spot.
“如果你对自己多一点信心的话——一点一点。
Spot and spot."
斑点和斑点。”
I lounged in the dark living room.
我懒洋洋地躺在黑暗的客厅里。
I was eating peanut butter.
我当时正在吃花生酱。
I would plunge my finger into the jar, lick.
我会把手指伸进罐子里，舔。
Plunge and lick.
插入并舔。
Plunge and lick.
插入并舔。
In 20 minutes, I consumed half a jar and felt sick.
20分钟后，我喝了半罐，就感到恶心。
But what did it matter?
但这有什么关系呢？
I was fat.
我很胖。
On the family scale, under the harsh glare of the fluorescents, I had discovered that I weighed 137 pounds at age 13.
在家庭规模上，在荧光灯的刺眼强光下，我发现我 13 岁时的体重为 137 磅。
It was like a weird dream.
这就像一个奇怪的梦。
How had this grotesque transformation happened?
这种怪诞的转变是如何发生的呢？
"Sandra?" Oh.
“桑德拉？”哦。
It was just Kaitlin.
这只是凯特琳。
"I'm glad you get to be a flower." She sat down in the darkness with me.
“我很高兴你能变成一朵花。”她和我一起坐在黑暗中。
"Are you excited?" "Oh, I suppose so.
“你兴奋吗？” “哦，我想是这样。
There are what, 25 of us?
我们有什么，25个人？
I just hope they find enough pink tulle in the city to cover us all."
我只是希望他们能在城里找到足够的粉红色薄纱来遮盖我们所有人。”
All of us fat girls had been jettisoned into the vegetable kingdom.
我们所有的胖女孩都被抛弃到了植物王国里。
In the hellish [?
在地狱般的[?
bulges, ?] in the cruel, Darwinian pecking order of The Nutcracker, only the "Waltz of the Flowers," the lowest rung, would do for us.
凸起，？]在《胡桃夹子》残酷的达尔文啄食顺序中，只有最低一级的“花朵华尔兹”才适合我们。
Any girl who could pull a pair of tights over her hips could be a flower.
任何能把紧身裤拉到臀部的女孩都可以成为一朵花。
"I'm going to be humiliated tomorrow," Kaitlin said suddenly.
“明天我会受到羞辱，”凯特琳突然说道。
"What?" "No, it's true." I could see her Grace Kelly profile perfectly silhouetted.
“什么？” “不，这是真的。”我可以看到她格蕾丝·凯利的侧影完美地呈现出来。
Her words were said with almost clinical detachment.
她说这句话时的语气几乎是冷静的。
"My spotting isn't good, not yet.
“我的定位还不是很好，还不是。
I think it's because my weight is falling backward on the releve.
我想这是因为我的体重在水平上向后下降。
It's something I have to relearn, but not in three weeks."
这是我必须重新学习的东西，但不是在三周内。”
And she was right.
她是对的。
After all, Kaitlin was the genius.
毕竟，凯特琳是个天才。
She knew ballet.
她懂芭蕾舞。
She understood it.
她明白了。
But one thing Kaitlin was wrong about, she would not humiliate herself the next day.
但凯特琳错了，她不会在第二天羞辱自己。
The pianist began the Sugar Plum Fairy intro as usual.
钢琴家像往常一样开始了《糖梅仙子》的前奏。
On cue, Kaitlin whipped her right leg out and began her painful but impressive hopping on one pointe sequence.
就在这时，凯特琳猛地伸出右腿，开始了她痛苦但令人印象深刻的足尖跳跃动作。
She neatly ended the phrase with a deft skip, turn, plie, to murmurs of approval from the throng of watching students and mothers.
她以灵巧的跳跃、转身、平铺的方式巧妙地结束了这句话，引起了围观的学生和母亲们的低声赞同。
"That's lovely, darling, lovely," Irina called out, clapping her wrinkled hands together.
“太可爱了，亲爱的，太可爱了，”伊琳娜拍着布满皱纹的双手，大声喊道。
Two short stag leaps done with perfect landings, a gentle sigh.
两次短暂的鹿跃完美落地，一声轻柔的叹息。
And then, buoyed by the music, Kaitlin boureed toward the center, the site of the dreaded fouette sequence.
然后，在音乐的鼓舞下，凯特琳冲向中心，也就是可怕的快步舞序列的地点。
But instead of launching into her turns, that day, Kaitlin kept boureeing and boureeing.
但那天，凯特琳并没有开始轮流行动，而是继续不停地玩耍。
Her speed picked up.
她的速度加快了。
She broke into a run.
她拔腿就跑。
"Darling?" Irina called out.
“亲爱的？”伊琳娜叫道。
A murmur arose from the crowd.
人群中响起一阵窃窃私语。
The pianist looked nervously over her shoulder but kept playing, because there was no stopping Kaitlin.
钢琴家紧张地扭头看去，但还是继续弹奏，因为凯特琳无法停下来。
She kept running about the studio, running, just like in Giselle 's mad scene.
她不停地在工作室里跑来跑去，就像吉赛尔疯狂的场景一样。
She was shaking her head, no, no, no. And then giving one final, riveting leap, Kaitlin ran out the door, down the stairs, and caught the bus home.
她摇头，不，不，不。然后，凯特琳最后一次令人着迷的一跃，跑出门外，跑下楼梯，乘公共汽车回家。
I didn't have the courage to run from The Nutcracker.
我没有勇气逃离胡桃夹子。
I stayed, was zipped into my huge, pink costume, ate my sandwiches, did my waltz.
我留下来，穿上我巨大的粉红色服装，吃了三明治，跳了华尔兹。
But I, too, was changed, because I'd seen that pure, steely thing inside Kaitlin.
但我也改变了，因为我看到了凯特琳内心纯洁、钢铁般的东西。
Call it character, call it stubbornness.
称之为性格，称之为固执。
Whatever it was, it led to the true revelation of my 13th year, that a kind of integrity existed that was invisible to the world, that certain acts of courage reap no earthly rewards, that somewhere in the darkness of the audience, my sister sat, bearing her terrible burden, knowing all.
不管是什么，它让我在十三岁那年得到了真正的启示，一种世人看不见的正直的存在，某些勇敢的行为不会获得世俗的回报，我的妹妹坐在观众黑暗的某个地方，承受着她可怕的负担，她知道一切。
Slowly, I waltzed with my 24 compatriots, our hair curled, our faces rouged, in the bright glare of the footlights.
我慢慢地和我的24位同胞一起跳华尔兹，我们卷着头发，脸上涂着胭脂，在明亮的脚灯下。
Sandra Tsing Loh, stories from her book, Aliens in America.
Sandra Tsing Loh，她的书《外星人在美国》中的故事。
Coming up, Luke, it is your destiny.
来吧，卢克，这是你的命运。
Now why doesn't Princess Leia say that instead of Darth Vader?
现在为什么莱娅公主不说这句话，而是达斯·维德说呢？
Well, maybe she should.
好吧，也许她应该这样做。
Why?
为什么？
In a minute, from Public Radio International, when our program continues.
稍后，国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's program, sibling rivalry.
今天的节目，兄弟间的较量。
We've come to Act Three of our show, Destiny.
我们来到了节目《命运》的第三幕。
Well, Deb Monroe has two daughters.
黛布·门罗有两个女儿。
And they're a pretty typical family, except for one thing.
他们是一个非常典型的家庭，除了一件事之外。
Deb does some radio reporting, and so she has professional tape equipment lying around the house, and was willing to record her daughters fighting for our program.
黛布做一些广播报道，所以她在房子周围有专业的录音设备，并且愿意记录她女儿们为我们的节目而奋斗的情况。
Her daughter Alexandra is five years old.
她的女儿亚历山德拉五岁。
Michaela is six and a half.
米凯拉六岁半了。
Michaela believes that as the older child, she should get special rights and privileges.
米凯拉认为，作为年龄较大的孩子，她应该获得特殊的权利和特权。
Alexandra believes otherwise.
亚历山德拉不这么认为。
And they start measuring who is ahead from the time they wake up in the morning.
他们从早上醒来的时候就开始衡量谁领先。
Who's getting more cereal, who's getting more juice, who gets closer to the microphone.
谁得到更多麦片，谁得到更多果汁，谁离麦克风更近。
Don't.
不。
Michaela Monroe It's not fair.
米凯拉·梦露 这不公平。
Alex got the microphone.
亚历克斯拿到了麦克风。
Why does she have to hold it when she's talking, and she holds it up to my mouth?
为什么她说话的时候一定要拿着，而且还举到我嘴边？
It's not fair.
这不公平。
Alex got--
亚历克斯得到了——
Well, it doesn't matter.
好吧，没关系。
Ira Glass Have you observed, does each of them have her own style of tormenting the other one?
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：你观察过吗，他们每个人都有自己的折磨对方的方式吗？
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
The older one likes to control and minimize the achievements of the younger one, but in a very insidious way.
年长的人喜欢控制和最小化年轻人的成就，但以一种非常阴险的方式。
So you have to really listen to what she's saying.
所以你必须认真听她说的话。
Like what do you mean?
就像你的意思是什么？
Deb Monroe Like she'll say, "Boy, Alexandra, you're doing really great on your piano lessons.
黛布·门罗（Deb Monroe）就像她会说的那样，“孩子，亚历山德拉，你的钢琴课表现得非常好。
And if you try really hard for the next two years, you're going to be as good as I am." And it sounds superficially like she's complementing her sister, but she's not.
如果你在接下来的两年里非常努力，你就会和我一样优秀。”表面上听起来她是在补充她的妹妹，但事实并非如此。
She's asserting her dominance.
她正在宣示自己的统治地位。
The other one is more likely to just annoy the older sister.
另一个更有可能只是惹恼姐姐。
Like when Michaela had her big meltdown, because she wanted to--
就像米凯拉经历了巨大的崩溃时一样，因为她想——
Michaela is the older one.
米凯拉是年纪较大的一位。
Deb Monroe The older one.
黛布·门罗 (Deb Monroe) 较年长的一位。
Her favorite song is "Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics.
她最喜欢的歌曲是 Eurythmics 的《Sweet Dreams》。
And she thinks it's her song.
她认为这是她的歌。
And she likes to sing it.
而且她喜欢唱这首歌。
And she doesn't like her little sister to sing it at the same time.
而且她不喜欢她的妹妹同时唱这首歌。
And the little one knows that.
小家伙知道这一点。
And so the little one went around the coffee table singing, "Sweet dreams are made of these," over and over and over.
于是，小家伙就围着咖啡桌唱着“甜蜜的梦是由这些组成的”，一遍又一遍。
Alex, please stop.
亚历克斯，请停下来。
I'm asking you.
我问你。
Can you even hear me?
你能听到我说话吗？
It's annoying.
这很烦人。
--to disagree.
——不同意。
Michaela Monroe Alex, stop.
米凯拉·门罗·亚历克斯，停下来。
Alex.
亚历克斯.
Mom, do something.
妈妈，做点什么吧。
Ira Glass Did anything surprise you about what you found when you started taping?
Ira Glass 当你开始录音时，你发现了什么让你感到惊讶的事情吗？
Because I had the microphone in my hand, I became someone else.
因为我手里有麦克风，我就变成了另外一个人。
I was not Mommy.
我不是妈妈。
I was just watching, watching to see what would happen.
我只是在观察，观察会发生什么。
And I was able to see things that I hadn't seen before.
我能够看到以前从未见过的东西。
I hadn't really noticed that Michaela abdicates all power, and that she's totally incapable of ignoring her sister, and that her sister is so calculated, that Alexandra can remain in control.
我并没有真正注意到米凯拉放弃了所有权力，她完全无法忽视她的妹妹，而且她的妹妹是如此精于算计，以至于亚历山德拉可以继续控制。
--my songs.
——我的歌曲。
Alex.
亚历克斯.
Deb Monroe It did not bother Alexandra at all that her sister had just come undone.
黛布·门罗 亚历山德拉一点也不担心她姐姐刚刚崩溃。
OK, Michaela.
好的，米凯拉。
Michaela Monroe I'm getting frustrated.
米凯拉·梦露 我很沮丧。
I asked her nicely.
我好心地问她。
She--
她——
Sweet dreams are made of these.
甜蜜的梦就是由这些组成的。
Who in the world will disagree?
世界上谁会不同意呢？
Travel the world and seven seas.
环游世界和七大洋。
Who in the world--
世界上有谁——
She was so gleeful that she had got to the microphone first.
她很高兴，第一个走到了麦克风前。
She won.
她赢了。
Fight was over.
战斗结束了。
What does each of them try to accomplish when they fight?
当他们战斗时，他们每个人都想达到什么目的？
What is it about the other one that's just getting under their skin?
另一个让他们心生不快的人到底是怎么回事？
What is it about?
这是关于什么的？
I think it's an assertion of power and dominance.
我认为这是对权力和统治地位的宣示。
Both of them want to be the one calling the shots.
他们俩都想成为发号施令的人。
You're not the boss of me, Michaela Monroe.
你不是我的老板，米凯拉·梦露。
Fight for the number one spot.
争夺第一名的位置。
And there is no number one spot.
而且没有第一名的位置。
They're siblings.
他们是兄弟姐妹。
There will never be a number one spot.
永远不会有第一名的位置。
They're not totally equal.
他们并不完全平等。
But there is no number one.
但没有第一名。
What you're saying, in a way, is that they're fated to fight, because it's fated for each of them to want to feel that sense of control and dominance.
在某种程度上，你所说的是，他们注定要战斗，因为他们每个人都注定要感受到那种控制感和统治感。
Yes.
是的。
And I think that's natural.
我认为这是自然的。
I think that's totally natural.
我认为这是很自然的。
I think as soon as you begin to suspect that there's something weird or strange about it, we can give kids a lot of hangups.
我认为一旦你开始怀疑其中有什么奇怪的地方，我们就会给孩子们带来很多困扰。
It's hurting my ears.
我的耳朵很痛。
Alexandra Monroe Sweet dreams are made of these.
亚历山德拉·梦露 甜蜜的梦就是由这些组成的。
Who in the world can disagree.
天下谁能不同意。
Travel the--
旅行——
Deb Monroe reports for PRI's Marketplace and for various parenting magazines.
Deb Monroe 为 PRI 市场和各种育儿杂志做报道。
Everybody's looking for something.
每个人都在寻找一些东西。
Some of them want to use you.
他们中的一些人想利用你。
Some of them want to used by you.
其中一些想被您使用。
Act Four, Fraternity is Destiny.
第四幕，兄弟情谊就是命运。
If it is our destiny, our natural destiny, to fight with our siblings as children, so what happens when we grow up?
如果小时候与兄弟姐妹打架是我们的命运，是我们天生的命运，那么当我们长大后会发生什么呢？
Donald Antrim reads this excerpt from his book, The Hundred Brothers.
唐纳德·安特里姆读了他的书《百兄弟》中的这段摘录。
My brothers Rob, Bob, Tom, Paul, Ralph, Phil, Noah, William, Nick, Dennis, Christopher, Frank, Simon, Saul, Jim, Henry, Seamus, Richard, Jeremy, Walter, Jonathan, James, Arthur, Rex, Bertram, Vaughan, Daniel, Russell, and Angus, and the triplets, Herbert, Patrick, and Jeffrey, identical twins Michael and Abraham, Lawrence and Peter, Winston and Charles, Scott and Samuel, and Eric, Donovan, Roger, Lester, Larry, Clinton, Drake, Gregory, Leon, Kevin, and Jack, all born on the same day, the 23rd of May, though at different hours and separate years.
我的兄弟罗伯、鲍勃、汤姆、保罗、拉尔夫、菲尔、诺亚、威廉、尼克、丹尼斯、克里斯托弗、弗兰克、西蒙、索尔、吉姆、亨利、西莫、理查德、杰里米、沃尔特、乔纳森、詹姆斯、亚瑟、雷克斯、伯特伦、沃恩、丹尼尔、拉塞尔和安格斯，以及三胞胎赫伯特、帕特里克和杰弗里，同卵双胞胎迈克尔和亚伯拉罕、劳伦斯和彼得、温斯顿和查尔斯、斯科特和塞缪尔，埃里克、多诺万、罗杰、莱斯特、拉里、克林顿、德雷克、格雷戈里、莱昂、凯文和杰克，他们都出生在同一天，即 5 月 23 日，尽管出生时间不同，年份不同。
And the caustic graphomaniac, Sergio, whose scathing opinions appear with regularity in the front of book pages of the more conservative monthlies.
还有刻薄的写作狂塞尔吉奥，他的尖刻观点经常出现在较为保守的月刊的书页首页。
And Albert, who is blind, and Siegfried, the sculptor in burning steel.
还有盲人阿尔伯特和燃烧钢铁的雕塑家齐格弗里德。
And clinically depressed Anton, schizophrenic Irv, recovering addict Clayton, and Maxwell, the tropical botanist, who since returning from the rainforest has seemed a little screwed up somehow.
还有患有临床抑郁症的安东、患有精神分裂症的艾夫、正在康复的瘾君子克莱顿，以及热带植物学家麦克斯韦，自从从雨林回来后，麦克斯韦似乎有点搞砸了。
And Jason and Joshua and Jeremiah, each vaguely gloomy in his own lost boy way.
还有杰森、约书亚和耶利米，每个人都以自己迷失的男孩的方式隐约阴郁。
And Eli, who spends solitary, wakeful evenings in the tower, filling notebooks with drawings, the artist's multiple renderings for a larger work, portraying the faces of his brothers, including Chuck the prosecutor, Porter, the diarist, Andrew, the civil rights activist, Pierce, the designer of radically unbuildable buildings, Barry, the good doctor of medicine, Fielding, the documentary filmmaker, Spencer, the spook with known ties to the State Department.
还有伊莱，他在塔里度过了孤独、不眠的夜晚，在笔记本上画满了图画，艺术家为一幅更大的作品绘制了多个渲染图，描绘了他兄弟们的面孔，包括检察官查克、日记作者波特、民权活动家安德鲁、根本无法建造的建筑设计师皮尔斯、优秀医学博士巴里、纪录片制片人菲尔丁、与国务院有已知关系的间谍斯宾塞。
Foster, the new millennium psychotherapist, Aaron, the horologist, Raymond, who flies his own plane.
福斯特是新千年的心理治疗师，亚伦是钟表学家，雷蒙德是自己开飞机的。
And George, the urban planner, who, if you read the papers, you'll recall, distinguished himself not so long ago with that innovative program for revitalizing the decaying downtown area, only to shock and amaze everyone, absolutely everyone, by vanishing with a girl named Jane and an overnight bag packed with municipal funds in unmarked hundreds.
还有乔治，城市规划师，如果你读过报纸，你会记得，不久前，他因振兴衰败的市中心地区的创新计划而出名，结果却让每个人都感到震惊和惊讶，绝对是每个人，他带着一个名叫简的女孩和一个装满了数百枚未标记的市政资金的旅行袋消失了。
And all the young fathers, Seth, Rod, Vidal, Bennett, Dutch, Bryce, Alan, Clay, Vincent, Gustavus, and Joe.
还有所有年轻的父亲，塞斯、罗德、维达尔、贝内特、达奇、布莱斯、艾伦、克莱、文森特、古斯塔夫和乔。
And Hiram, the eldest,
还有最年长的海勒姆，
Zachary, the giant, Jacob, the polymath, Virgil, the compulsive whisperer, Milton, the channeler of spirits who speak across time.
扎卡里，巨人，雅各布，博学者，维吉尔，强迫性的低语者，弥尔顿，穿越时间的灵魂的引导者。
And the really bad womanizers, Steven, Denzel, Forrest, Topper, Temple, Lewis, Mongo, Spooner, and Fish.
还有那些非常糟糕的好色之徒，史蒂文、丹泽尔、福雷斯特、托珀、坦普尔、刘易斯、蒙戈、斯普纳和菲什。
And of course our celebrated, perfect brother Benedict, recipient of a Medal of Honor from the Academy of Sciences for work over 20 years in chemical transmission of sexual language in 11 types of social insects.
当然还有我们著名的完美兄弟本尼迪克特，他在 11 种社会性昆虫的性语言化学传递方面工作超过 20 年，荣获科学院荣誉勋章。
All of us, except George, about whom there have been many rumors, rumors upon rumors-- he's fled the vicinity.
我们所有人，除了乔治，关于他有很多谣言，谣言叠着谣言——他已经逃离了附近。
He's right here under our noses.
他就在我们眼皮底下。
He's using an alias, or maybe several.
他使用了一个或多个别名。
He has a new face, that sort of thing.
他有一张新面孔，诸如此类。
All my 98, not counting George, brothers and I recently came together in the red library and resolved that the time had arrived, finally, to stop being blue, put the past behind us, share a light supper, and locate, if we could bear to, the missing urn full of the old [BLEEP]ers ashes.
我所有的 98 岁老人，不包括乔治，我和我的兄弟们最近聚集在红色图书馆，决定不再忧郁，把过去抛在脑后，共享一顿清淡的晚餐，如果我们能忍受的话，找到装满老[BLEEP]人骨灰的失踪瓮。
The red library walls were haunted by shadows and light cast from a multitude of low wattage reading lamps that haloed the tables on which they sat.
图书馆的红色墙壁被大量低瓦数台灯投射出的阴影和光线所困扰，这些台灯照亮了他们坐的桌子。
"I hate this room.
“我讨厌这个房间。
It stinks of death," whispered Virgil, wedged beside me on a loveseat.
它散发着死亡的臭味，”维吉尔挤在我旁边的双人沙发上低声说道。
"Lighten up, I told him."
“放轻松，我告诉他了。”
A line of our brothers scuffed past us in search of places to sit.
我们的兄弟排成一队从我们身边走过，寻找座位。
The library was filling with male energy and low sounds of voices saying, "Hey, man.
图书馆里充满了男性的能量和低沉的声音，“嘿，伙计。
Scoot over and make space." Soon it would be standing room only.
赶紧过去腾出空间。”很快这里就只剩下站立的空间了。
The musty air would grow lush with our smells of sweat, shaving lotions, exhaled humid breaths.
发霉的空气中弥漫着我们的汗味、剃须膏味、呼出的潮湿呼吸味。
God help us.
上帝帮助我们。
No one was altogether certain who'd last seen the urn.
没有人完全确定最后一次看到这个瓮的人是谁。
Jason once, long ago, reported a sighting over near where maps of the world are stored in drawers.
很久以前，杰森曾经报告过在抽屉里存放世界地图的地方附近的一次目击事件。
But it wasn't, it turned out, there.
但事实证明，它并不在那里。
And some time back, Paul suggested looking in the gloomy alcove packed with patriotic music hall songs in their archival boxes.
不久前，保罗建议去看看阴暗的壁龛，里面的档案盒里装满了爱国音乐厅的歌曲。
A thorough search turned up nothing.
彻底的搜查一无所获。
"It's nice to have everyone together again, isn't it?" a voice near me said.
“大家再次聚在一起真是太好了，不是吗？”我附近的一个声音说道。
I turned and saw in the shadows a man bearing flowers.
我转过身，看到阴影里有一个拿着花的男人。
This man said, "All the old faces, all the familiar voices.
这个人说道：“所有的老面孔，所有熟悉的声音。
Hello?
你好？
It's me, Doug.
是我，道格。
It's William." "William."
是威廉。” “威廉。”
"Don't be frightened.
“别害怕。
I brought these," he said, stepping partway out from darkness with pale flowers held before him.
我带来了这些，”他说着，从黑暗中走了出来，面前举着苍白的花朵。
"Lilies brighten a room." "Yes," I agreed.
“百合花照亮了房间。” “是的，”我同意。
"Take them." "Me?" "Put them on a table, somewhere in the light, where people can enjoy them."
“带上他们吧。” “我？” “把它们放在桌子上，在光线充足的地方，人们可以享受它们。”
"You brought them, William.
“你带来了它们，威廉。
Wouldn't you like to find a spot for them?
难道你不想给他们找个地方吗？
Let everyone know you brought flowers.
让每个人都知道你带来了鲜花。
I'm sure it will mean a lot."
我相信这将意义重大。”
"I'd rather not, Doug.
“我宁愿不这么做，道格。
I don't think I can bear to talk to everyone right now.
我想我现在无法忍受与所有人交谈。
Maybe later." "I understand," I said.
也许以后吧。” “我明白，”我说。
Then he was gone, behind European folklore and mythology.
然后他就消失了，消失在欧洲民间传说和神话的背后。
And I clutched the lilies he had brought for us.
我紧紧抓住他为我们带来的百合花。
In the library's open spaces, men tramped singly or with buddies toward the drinks table.
在图书馆的空地上，男人们独自或与伙伴一起走向饮料桌。
Others, already with drinks, stood drinking.
其他人已经端好了酒，站着喝酒。
They were lucky to have these drinks.
他们很幸运能喝到这些饮料。
By now, the press around the bar would be enormous, five guys deep at least.
现在，酒吧周围的压力将是巨大的，至少有五个人。
It would take an eternity to get served.
需要很长时间才能得到服务。
Clayton and Rob would have poured the last Johnnie Walker Black.
克莱顿和罗布会倒最后一杯尊尼获加黑酒。
And there'd be nothing remaining but Johnnie Walker Red, if that, or maybe Four Roses brand, one of the gallon discounts that are admissible late at night, but which you never want in the beginning.
除了尊尼获加红（Johnnie Walker Red）之外什么都没有了，如果是的话，或者也许是四玫瑰品牌，这是深夜允许的一加仑折扣之一，但你一开始就不想这样。
That's the way life goes around here, the blinking lights, the dry taste in the mouth, the body's craving need for something cold and warm at the same time.
这就是这里的生活方式，闪烁的灯光，口中的干燥味道，身体同时渴望冷和热的东西。
Out into the milling crowd, I hurled myself out in search of a suitable vase for William's gift.
我冲进熙熙攘攘的人群中，寻找一个合适的花瓶来装威廉的礼物。
The lilies, with their long, thick stems, their lush, drooping blooms, required a large, heavy vessel, precisely what I could not locate.
百合花的茎又长又粗，花朵又茂盛又下垂，需要一个又大又重的容器，而我却找不到这个容器。
"Does anyone know where I can find a vase that'll hold these?" I asked a group loitering around the Native American stone tool collection in its metal and glass display case.
“有人知道我在哪里可以找到一个可以装这些东西的花瓶吗？”我询问了一群在金属和玻璃展示柜中闲逛的美洲原住民石器收藏品的人。
Dennis shrugged, and Noah said, "Sorry." Jim, who often does not speak even when spoken to-- he's a contemplative Buddhist-- suggested, "Try over by the African masks."
丹尼斯耸耸肩，诺亚说：“抱歉。”吉姆是一名沉思的佛教徒，即使与人交谈也常常不说话，他建议：“戴上非洲面具试试。”
Eventually, one of us is going to crash down his glass or an ashtray too hard on that stone tool display table and there will be a mess.
最终，我们中的一个人会用力过猛地将玻璃杯或烟灰缸摔在石器展示桌上，结果就会一片混乱。
I said, "You guys be careful using that as a table, because it isn't designed to support weight." I did not mean to scold my brothers.
我说：“你们把它当桌子用时要小心，因为它不是用来支撑重量的。”我无意责骂我的兄弟们。
But what can you do when people have no sense?
但是当人们没有理智时你能做什么呢？
"Seen a vase, anyone?" I asked another bunch as I hurried past their leather sofa and chairs pulled up close in a circle.
“有人看到花瓶了吗？”当我匆匆经过他们靠拢成一圈的皮沙发和椅子时，我问了另一群人。
"Not me," Lewis said.
“不是我，”刘易斯说。
"Maybe on the mantle," said Drake.
“也许在地幔上，”德雷克说。
"I'll try there," I said, then advised, "Take off your shoes if you're going to put your feet on the furniture, because you'll scuff the leather."
“我会尝试一下，”我说，然后建议道，“如果你要把脚放在家具上，请脱掉鞋子，因为你会磨损皮革。”
The chandelier bulbs overhead flashed off, on, off, on, like playhouse lobby lights signaling act one.
头顶上的枝形吊灯灯泡不停地闪烁，亮、灭、亮，就像剧场大厅的灯光预示着第一幕。
I sometimes imagine our red library as a kind of bleak and unruly interpersonal anxiety zone.
我有时会把我们的红色图书馆想象成一种荒凉、不守规矩的人际焦虑区。
Emotions heat up, and tempers break out in real disputes that have their roots in 100 contingent histories of the standard childhood competitions, degradations, reparations, punishments, tortures, all the gory excitements of pain and power that seem, in retrospect, so ineluctably linked with childish fantasies about manhood.
情绪升温，脾气暴躁，在真实的争吵中爆发，这些争吵的根源在于100个偶然的标准童年竞争、贬低、赔偿、惩罚、折磨的历史，回想起来，所有痛苦和权力的血腥兴奋似乎不可避免地与关于男子气概的幼稚幻想联系在一起。
Screaming and crying were the routine bedlam of our bedtimes, drowning out the crickets and the pounding wind outside, though never drowning out the voices of older brothers, who taunted, "Had enough, you little worms?
尖叫声和哭泣声是我们睡前的例行公事，淹没了蟋蟀的叫声和外面的狂风，但永远无法淹没哥哥们的声音，他们嘲笑道：“你们这些小虫子，受够了吗？
Father can't help you now."
爸爸现在帮不了你。”
I held my eyes closed and pretended to sleep and did nothing, night after night.
我闭着眼睛假装睡觉，什么也没做，一夜又一夜。
It grieves me to think back now over old boyish stuff, all the bad times made more bitter in memory by the absence, in this strangling red library, of a serene corner to hide out in, of a comfy chair that gets enough light for reading without strain, of a taste of unstale air to breathe.
现在回想起童年时的旧事，我感到悲伤，所有的糟糕时光都变得更加痛苦，因为在这个令人窒息的红色图书馆里，没有一个可以躲藏的宁静角落，没有一张舒适的椅子，可以在没有压力的情况下获得足够的光线阅读，没有一口不新鲜的空气可以呼吸。
It's shocking, isn't it, how the dreadful circumstances of one's life grow to feel, simply because one knows them, perfectly normal?
仅仅因为一个人了解生活中的可怕环境，就会感觉完全正常，这真是令人震惊，不是吗？
I love my brothers, and I hate their guts.
我爱我的兄弟，但我恨他们的胆量。
"Me, me," our voices all seem to shout, as if we were not a true community united in blood and spirit, instead, a common mob intent on nothing more than the next drink, the next mouthful of food.
“我，我，”我们的声音似乎都在喊叫，就好像我们不是一个真正的血肉和精神团结的共同体，相反，只是一群只想喝下一杯、吃下一口食物的普通暴民。
I love my brothers, and I hate my brothers.
我爱我的兄弟，我也恨我的兄弟。
The long, snaking line of men to the bar was growing less long.
酒吧前蜿蜒的长队越来越短。
Hiram's walker clacked across floorboards, clacked again.
海勒姆的助行器在地板上嘎嘎作响，又嘎嘎作响。
It sounded as if Hiram was gouging the floor with a trowel.
听起来好像海勒姆正在用抹子刨地板。
Each step brought scuffing and digging.
每一步都会带来磨损和挖掘。
Hiram paused on his walker and glared in my direction.
海勒姆在助行器上停下来，瞪着我的方向。
His injured hand was swollen and large.
他受伤的手又肿又大。
He inhaled a shallow breath.
他浅吸了一口气。
He was having trouble, and his mouth was working.
他遇到了麻烦，他的嘴在工作。
He said, "Where did you get those flowers?" "William." "You should trim their stalks and put them in a vase before they turn brown and die." "I was looking for a vase, actually." "There's one somewhere.
他说：“你从哪里弄来这些花的？” “威廉。” “你应该在它们变成棕色并死亡之前修剪它们的茎并将它们放入花瓶中。” “实际上，我是在找一个花瓶。” “某处有一个。
You'll find it," he said, as he gripped the walker with his good hand.
你会找到的，”他一边说，一边用没受伤的那只手握住助行器。
He heaved himself up, scooted the walker forward on the floor, took another labored step onto the edge of the carpet with its knotted fringe that caught and became tangled as the walker's legs scraped past.
他挺起身子，把助行器向前推到地板上，又费力地迈出了一步，走到地毯的边缘，当助行器的腿擦过时，地毯上打结的流苏被缠住并缠结在一起。
He said, "I don't know about you, but I'm famished.
他说：“我不了解你，但我很饿。
I could eat a side of beef if I had my original teeth.
如果我有原来的牙齿，我可以吃一块牛肉。
Remember, always, to care for your teeth, Doug." "I will."
永远记住，要照顾好你的牙齿，道格。” “我会。”
"Do you floss?
“你用牙线吗？
Flossing is more important than brushing, I can tell you.
我可以告诉你，使用牙线比刷牙更重要。
Too much vigorous brushing as a young man was my downfall.
年轻时过度用力刷牙是我的失败。
You scrub away the gums.
你擦掉牙龈。
And before you know it, the roots of your teeth are exposed to the elements, and it murders you to chew.
在你意识到之前，你的牙根就暴露在自然环境中，咀嚼会杀死你。
Then, one after another, you lose your teeth, like you lose everything in life." "I'll remember that."
然后，你一颗又一颗地失去牙齿，就像失去生命中的一切一样。” “我会记住的。”
"Your teeth are your greatest possession.
“你的牙齿是你最大的财产。
You probably think your greatest possession is your johnson.
你可能认为你最大的财产是你的约翰逊。
But it's not your johnson.
但这不是你的约翰逊。
It's your teeth, especially your two front teeth, these, right here," he said, opening his mouth wide to insert fingers.
这是你的牙齿，尤其是你的两颗门牙，就在这里，”他说着，张大了嘴插入手指。
He touched the teeth in question, the upper incisors.
他触摸了有问题的牙齿，即上门牙。
He pointed these out.
他指出了这些。
And when he did, when he touched these dentures, they moved.
当他这样做时，当他触摸这些假牙时，它们就动了。
They were loose in his mouth, insecurely fastened, and slipping off the gum.
它们在他嘴里松动了，扣得不牢，从口香糖上滑落了。
The effect was grotesque, Hiram's teeth hanging at an angle, wobbling in his mouth, licked by Hiram's tongue and about to fall out, as he commanded, "Stow those flowers in a vase before the petals fall off." "Yes, sir."
效果很怪异，海勒姆的牙齿倾斜地挂在嘴里，摇晃着，被海勒姆的舌头舔着，快要掉下来，正如他命令的那样，“在花瓣脱落之前把这些花收进花瓶里。” “是的，先生。”
Here I was again, in the old, unconscious complicity with Hiram's authoritarian posturing.
我又回到了过去，无意识地与海勒姆的独裁姿态同谋。
This happens every time I engage with Hiram.
每次我与海勒姆接触时都会发生这种情况。
It happens to a lot of us when we engage with him.
当我们与他交往时，我们很多人都会遇到这种情况。
We feel infantilized.
我们感觉自己很幼稚。
And I invariably promise myself, after taking orders from Hiram, that next time, I'll stand up to him, not obey, and let him get angry if he wants.
在接受海勒姆的命令后，我总是向自己保证，下次我会勇敢地面对他，而不是服从，如果他愿意的话，让他生气。
Tiptoeing around Hiram's anger resolves nothing and only serves to perpetuate a strained and uneasy state of affairs, in which one personality, Hiram's, overwhelmingly influences the general quality of feeling in the room as a whole.
小心翼翼地回避海勒姆的愤怒并不能解决任何问题，只会让一种紧张和不安的状态长期存在，在这种状态下，海勒姆的个性对整个房间的总体感觉产生了压倒性的影响。
Would it be going too far to imagine my own bad moods, my terrors and despairs, and so on, as personalized responses to this room-wide, Hiram-centric emotional atmosphere?
将我自己的坏心情、恐惧和绝望等想象为对整个房间、以海勒姆为中心的情感氛围的个性化反应，会不会太过分了？
Could it then follow that Hiram is himself responsible in large part, unwittingly, presumably, for whatever uncomfortableness we brothers experience when we congregate?
那么，海勒姆本人是否应该在不知不觉中对我们兄弟聚会时所经历的任何不舒服负有很大的责任呢？
Might it be possible, if, in fact, Hiram is the root cause of our squabbles and disputes, might it be possible to drive a wedge through this ancient and pervasive household trepidation-- I don't know what else to call it-- by meeting Hiram's anger with anger?
事实上，如果海勒姆是我们争吵和纠纷的根源，是否有可能通过以愤怒应对海勒姆的愤怒来打破这种古老而普遍的家庭恐惧——我不知道还能用什么来称呼它？
It was in this absurd spirit of revolt against destiny that I now hurled the flowers to the floor before Hiram's walker, before Hiram's feet caged inside the walker's clackety aluminum framework, and said, "Find a vase yourself, you sadist."
正是本着这种反抗命运的荒谬精神，我现在把鲜花扔到海勒姆助行器前的地板上，在海勒姆的脚被困在助行器嘎嘎作响的铝制框架内之前，我说：“你自己找一个花瓶吧，你这个虐待狂。”
Instantly, I regretted my actions and wanted, needed, to recant and beg forgiveness.
我立刻对自己的行为感到后悔，想要、也需要放弃并请求宽恕。
Hiram leaned on his walker.
海勒姆靠在助行器上。
He was little and bent over and liver-spotted and lame.
他身材矮小，弯腰驼背，身上长满肝斑，而且跛脚。
And I was startled to realize once again that I was intensely afraid of him.
我惊讶地再次意识到我非常害怕他。
Throwing the flowers was nothing more than an act of self-disempowerment, an emotional demonstration of the sort that Hiram would never allow himself.
扔花只不过是一种自我剥夺的行为，是海勒姆永远不会允许自己做的一种情感表现。
I felt awful when Hiram said, "Pick them up."
当海勒姆说“把它们捡起来”时，我感觉很糟糕。
It was one of those familiar, deplorable moments.
这是那些熟悉而悲惨的时刻之一。
I wished for the dinner bell.
我希望晚餐铃声响起。
No such luck yet.
还没有这样的运气。
In the meantime, there stood Denzel.
与此同时，丹泽尔站在那里。
And next to Denzel was Saul.
丹泽尔旁边是索尔。
And next to Saul, and more or less directly behind Hiram, were Aaron and Pierce.
扫罗旁边，或多或少直接在海勒姆后面，是亚伦和皮尔斯。
And of course, there were other brothers standing around, looking on.
当然，还有其他兄弟站在一旁观看。
And no one among these men wanted to get too close to a fight involving Hiram.
这些人中没有人愿意太接近一场涉及海勒姆的战斗。
Hiram leaned forward over the frame of the walker, out over the metal frame.
海勒姆向前倾身越过助行器的框架，越过金属框架。
He had me in his sights.
他的目光里有我。
He said, "You're full of hate, aren't you, Doug?" "No." "You keep it all bottled up inside, your scorn and your contempt for people.
他说：“你充满了仇恨，不是吗，道格？” “不。” “你把一切都藏在心里，你对别人的蔑视和蔑视。
And when you can't control it any longer, it comes flying out.
当你无法再控制它时，它就会飞出去。
And we have one of our little tragic scenes.
我们有一个小小的悲剧场景。
Isn't that right?" "No."
是不是这样？” “不。”
"This is a family full of love, Doug.
“这是一个充满爱的家庭，道格。
We all love one another here.
我们在这里都彼此相爱。
This whole room is full of love.
整个房间都充满了爱。
Too bad you can't feel it, Doug.
可惜你感觉不到，道格。
You can't participate in love because you're busy tearing everybody down.
你无法参与爱情，因为你忙着拆毁每个人。
You want to tear us down, and you want to discredit our forefathers." "No."
你们想摧毁我们，你们想抹黑我们的祖先。” “不。”
"Don't say no to me, boy.
“别对我说不，孩子。
You think that if you find sickness in others, you'll be healthy.
你认为如果你发现别人生病了，你就会健康。
You think if you find weakness in others, you'll be strong.
你认为如果你发现别人的弱点，你就会变得坚强。
Does throwing a bunch of flowers at an old man make you feel strong, Doug?"
道格，向老人扔一束花会让你感觉坚强吗？”
"No," I whispered.
“不，”我低声说。
"Speak louder." "No." "Pick up the flowers, Doug."
“大声一点。” “不。” “道格，把花捡起来。”
Then the 20 chandeliers blinked off again, and everything became a shade darker for an instant.
然后二十盏吊灯再次闪烁，一切瞬间变得暗淡起来。
It was like a negative form of lightning, perfect accompaniment to the routine thunder of wind hitting windows.
它就像一种消极形式的闪电，完美地伴随着风击打窗户的常规雷声。
Chuck's dog, Gunner, barked and barked.
查克的狗枪手不停地狂吠。
The Doberman had managed to unsnarl his leash from the art nouveau armchair.
杜宾犬成功地从新艺术风格的扶手椅上解开了皮带。
And so he was free now, and sprinting in wider and wider circles around the furniture.
现在他自由了，围着家具跑得越来越远。
"Settle down, fellow," Chuck called to the racing dog.
“安静点，伙计，”查克对赛狗喊道。
I prayed for Gunner to dash toward Hiram and knock him down.
我祈祷枪手冲向海勒姆并把他击倒。
"Here, boy." Instead, Gunner charged between couches.
“在这里，孩子。”相反，枪手在沙发之间冲锋。
Men sidestepped to avoid the onrushing dog.
人们纷纷侧身躲避猛冲过来的狗。
Gunner jumped a coffee table, then disappeared into a narrow aisle of shelves housing geology, natural history, and mineral sciences.
冈纳跳过一张咖啡桌，然后消失在一条狭窄的过道里，里面摆满了地质学、自然历史和矿物科学的书架。
I had begun a moment or two ago to describe in plain terms the situation as it stood that night with the lilies and with Hiram, our little semi-public showdown that wasn't, in fact, so little.
一两分钟前我就开始用简单的语言描述那天晚上百合花和海勒姆的情况，我们的半公开摊牌实际上并不是那么小。
I always charge off the track in moments like these, the bitter moments, I guess you'd call them, and instead begin rendering the scenery and all the extraneous misbehavior of my brothers and their abysmal pets, as if anyone cares.
在这样的时刻，我总是冲出赛道，我想你会称之为痛苦的时刻，而是开始渲染风景以及我的兄弟和他们糟糕的宠物的所有无关的不当行为，就好像有人在乎一样。
Conflict is the really interesting thing, I've found.
我发现冲突是非常有趣的事情。
Conflict.
冲突。
Conflict is always so difficult to recount.
冲突总是那么难以叙述。
By difficult, I suppose I mean painful.
我想我所说的困难是指痛苦。
But also, I mean demanding.
但我的意思是要求很高。
The technical aspects of describing true conflict are daunting.
描述真实冲突的技术方面是令人畏惧的。
First, you have to establish your antagonists.
首先，你必须确定你的对手。
It is important to avoid cozy oversimplifications, and to bear down instead on all the obscure and intractable problems of identity and desire that make our lives and our needs so various and dissimilar.
重要的是要避免舒适的过度简单化，而是要解决所有模糊且棘手的身份和欲望问题，这些问题使我们的生活和需求如此多样化和不同。
The problems in describing a person are essentially problems of knowing a person.
描述一个人的问题本质上是认识一个人的问题。
One of the sad features of most close relationships is the decay of intimacy as a function of time, turmoil, and all the little misunderstandings that inevitably occur between people, leading them, year in and year out, toward the same tired conclusions.
最亲密关系的一个可悲特征是，亲密关系会随着时间、混乱以及人与人之间不可避免地发生的所有小误解而衰退，年复一年地导致他们得出同样令人厌烦的结论。
Conversation falters.
谈话结结巴巴。
Friendships fail.
友谊失败。
That said, allow me to concede that my brother, Hiram, is an incredible asshole.
也就是说，请允许我承认我的兄弟海勒姆是一个令人难以置信的混蛋。
He's just a complete jerk.
他就是个彻头彻尾的混蛋。
He finds your worst insecurities and then tortures you, until you'll do practically anything to escape his voice's dry wheezing and the spectacle of bony fists clutching that walker.
他发现你最不安全的地方，然后折磨你，直到你几乎不惜一切代价来逃避他声音中干涩的喘息声和紧握助行器的骨瘦如柴的拳头的景象。
"Take a look at yourself, Doug.
“看看你自己，道格。
Take an honest look at yourself standing there, with your hair falling in your eyes.
诚实地看看自己站在那里，头发垂到眼睛里。
You really could do with a trim and a shave." He paused, coughed, inhaled one of his racking breaths.
你确实可以修剪一下头发并刮胡子。”他停了下来，咳嗽了一声，艰难地吸了一口气。
He resumed, "You need some new clothes.
他继续说道：“你需要一些新衣服。
Those clothes you're wearing don't even fit you.
你穿的那些衣服根本不适合你。
Who wears a corduroy jacket anymore?
现在谁还穿灯芯绒夹克？
You don't even stand straight, Doug.
你甚至没有站直，道格。
You slouch.
你没精打采。
You've always slouched.
你一直都是无精打采的。
You have the posture of a weak person."
你摆出一副弱者的架势。”
I said to Hiram, "The fact that I haven't shaved this week means nothing.
我对海勒姆说：“我这周没有刮胡子这一事实没有任何意义。
I only want to help.
我只是想帮忙。
I want everybody to get along.
我希望每个人都能和睦相处。
I want all of us to be happy again."
我希望我们所有人都能再次幸福。”
How did this sound, woeful, tender?
这听起来如何，悲伤，温柔？
I should explain that in spite of antipathy toward our eldest brother, toward his more hateful manifestations, it was still not uncommon-- and I believe this has been true for each of us in our relations with the man-- to hope for some kindness or gentleness, even a hint of his admiration for the odd opinion or sentiment, whatever.
我应该解释一下，尽管我们对我们的大哥，对他更可恨的表现感到反感，但希望得到某种善意或温柔，甚至是他对奇怪的观点或情绪的钦佩之类的暗示，这仍然并不罕见——我相信我们每个人在与这个人的关系中都是如此。
You see, in his presence, we felt like children, children caught in precisely those worst moments of growing up, those times of clear and terrifying appreciation of one's utter smallness in the world.
你看，在他面前，我们感觉自己像个孩子，正是那些正处于成长过程中最糟糕时刻的孩子，那些清楚而可怕地意识到自己在世界上极其渺小的时刻的孩子。
And this smallness is excruciating to feel in adulthood, because it is a form of regression, and therefore, humiliating.
这种渺小的感觉在成年后是令人痛苦的，因为它是一种倒退，因此是一种耻辱。
For this reason, and in spite of mean feelings, in spite of everything, we all craved our aged brother's esteem.
出于这个原因，尽管心情不好，无论发生什么，我们都渴望得到年迈哥哥的尊重。
He heaved himself up and gaped another painful breath.
他挺起身子，又张开痛苦的呼吸。
It hurt to listen to him.
听他说话很痛苦。
"It's a good thing father isn't around anymore to see what's become of you." I walked forward two steps and abruptly, dramatically, as if swooning, collapsed before Hiram's feet.
“幸好父亲不在身边，看看你怎么样了。”我向前走了两步，突然戏剧性地倒在了海勒姆的脚前，就像是晕倒了一样。
I dropped to my hands and knees and reached out for those broken lilies.
我跪倒在地，伸手去抓那些残破的百合花。
Several pale blooms had come to rest directly atop Hiram's large, black wingtip shoes.
几朵淡色的花朵直接停在海勒姆那双黑色大翼尖鞋上。
I plucked up one, then another, and another ruined flower.
我摘下一朵，然后是另一朵，最后是另一朵被毁掉的花。
Donald Antrim, reading from his book, The Hundred Brothers.
唐纳德·安特里姆正在朗读他的书《一百兄弟》。
Well, our program was produced today by Julie Snyder and myself with Alix Spiegel and Nancy Updike, senior editor Paul Tough, contributing editors Jack Hitt, Margy Rochlin, and Consigliere Sarah Vowell.
今天我们的节目由朱莉·斯奈德和我本人、阿利克斯·斯皮格尔和南希·厄普代克、高级编辑保罗·托夫、特约编辑杰克·希特、玛吉·罗克林和顾问莎拉·沃威尔共同制作。
Production help from Alex Blumberg and Rachel Day.
Alex Blumberg 和 Rachel Day 提供制作帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGMENTS] If you want to buy a cassette copy of our program, call us here at WBEZ in Chicago, phone number 312-832-3380.
[致谢] 如果您想购买我们节目的盒带副本，请致电芝加哥 WBEZ，电话号码 312-832-3380。
Again, 312-832-3380.
再次拨打 312-832-3380。
Our email address, [email protected] This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
我们的电子邮件地址，[email protected]《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发布。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who reminds you--
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理监督由 Torey Malatia 负责，他提醒您——
Your teeth are your greatest possession.
你的牙齿是你最大的财产。
You probably think your greatest possession is your johnson.
你可能认为你最大的财产是你的约翰逊。
But it's not your johnson.
但这不是你的约翰逊。
It's your teeth.
这是你的牙齿。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
We all love one another here.
我们在这里都彼此相爱。
This whole room is full of love.
整个房间都充满了爱。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。