87: A Very Special Sedaris Christmas - This American Life
You are using an outdated browser.
您正在使用过时的浏览器。
Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience.
请升级您的浏览器或激活 Google Chrome 浏览器内嵌框架以改善您的体验。
Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #87 | December 25, 2009 87: A Very Special Sedaris Christmas Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 87 集 | 2009 年 12 月 25 日 87：非常特别的 Sedaris 圣诞节 注：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass So David was working, making his living as a maid, basically, cleaning apartments, when the whole Christmas thing hit him.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯 大卫正在工作，以女佣的身份谋生，基本上就是打扫公寓，当整个圣诞节袭击了他时。
And it hit him by accident.
而这件事却意外地击中了他。
It was all completely by accident that he became a Christmas writer.
他成为一名圣诞作家完全是出于偶然。
He never planned it.
他从来没有计划过。
He basically wrote a story that was excerpts from his diaries when he was working as an elf at Macy's Department Store during the Christmas season.
他写的故事基本上是圣诞节期间他在梅西百货公司当小精灵时的日记摘录。
I wear green velvet knickers, a forest green velvet smock, and a perky little hat decorated with spangles.
我穿着绿色天鹅绒内裤、森林绿色天鹅绒罩衫，戴着一顶饰有亮片的活泼小帽子。
This is my work uniform.
这是我的工作服。
This story was this very popular story.
这个故事是一个非常受欢迎的故事。
Book deals, movie offers, all sorts of other work poured in, and then after that, every year somebody would ask him to write another Christmas story-- NPR, The New Yorker magazine, the New York Times Op-Ed page.
图书交易、电影优惠、各种其他工作涌入，此后，每年都会有人请他写另一个圣诞故事——NPR、《纽约客》杂志、《纽约时报》专栏。
It was a strange assignment to get year after year.
年复一年地接到这样的任务真是奇怪。
And something about it just gave him this strange feeling.
而这件事却给了他一种奇怪的感觉。
He just did not want to be that Christmas guy, the elf.
他只是不想成为那个圣诞小精灵。
So he proceeded to write a series of stories that are so dark, and so full of greed and pettiness and spite, that sometimes it seems like David is on a single-handed mission to try to destroy Christmas.
于是他继续写了一系列如此黑暗、充满贪婪、琐碎和怨恨的故事，有时大卫似乎正在单枪匹马地试图摧毁圣诞节。
But that is an accident too, because the thing about David Sedaris in real life, really, he loves Christmas.
但这也是一个意外，因为现实生活中的大卫·塞达里斯（David Sedaris）真的很喜欢圣诞节。
I talked to his sister, Tiffany, about it this week from Boston.
本周我在波士顿与他的妹妹蒂芙尼谈论了这件事。
It's a very serious thing to him.
这对他来说是一件非常严肃的事情。
He'll call you in June and say, I'm all done with my Christmas shopping.
他会在六月打电话给你并说，我已经完成了圣诞购物。
And I'm like, is there some kind of time change between here and New York that I don't know anything about?
我想，这里和纽约之间是否有某种我不知道的时间变化？
Because it's, like, 110 here.
因为这里是 110。
Man, he is.
伙计，他是。
He gets dressed up.
他穿好衣服。
He stays up really late on Christmas Eve, on the tree, just staring at the tree, and shaking presents so hard that they would break, until you would hear some kind of rattling going on.
圣诞节前夕，他在树上熬夜到很晚，只是盯着树，用力摇晃礼物，以至于它们都碎了，直到你听到某种嘎嘎声。
David's father, Lou.
大卫的父亲卢.
Lou Sedaris My money didn't mean anything.
Lou Sedaris：我的钱没有任何意义。
To him, it was important that everybody spent as much money, I guess, as he spent on them.
对他来说，我想每个人花的钱和他花的钱一样多是很重要的。
I keep a list every year of what I gave everybody and how much it cost, and what they gave me and how much I think that cost.
我每年都会列出一份清单，列出我给每个人的东西以及花费的费用，以及他们给我的东西以及我认为花费的费用。
Incredibly, David did confirm his father's story.
令人难以置信的是，大卫确实证实了他父亲的故事。
Because a lot of people, you can ask in February, what did you get for Christmas?
因为很多人，你可以问二月份，圣诞节你收到了什么？
And they won't even remember.
他们甚至不会记得。
So this allows me to remember.
所以这让我能够记住。
It also allows me to think, to look over that list and maybe give it a little thought before the next Christmas.
它还让我能够思考，查看该清单，也许在下一个圣诞节之前稍微考虑一下。
Like last Christmas, Hugh gave me a pillow.
就像去年圣诞节一样，休给了我一个枕头。
A pillow.
一个枕头。
Yeah, and he disguised it, he put it in a big box, he made it heavy.
是的，他伪装了它，他把它放在一个大盒子里，他让它变得很重。
I had no idea what it was.
我不知道那是什么。
But I didn't think it was a pillow.
但我没想到这是一个枕头。
A pillow's one of those things you buy together.
枕头是你们一起买的东西之一。
He gave me a comforter also, as if I slept on the couch, and this was my comforter, and he could never use it.
他还给了我一个被子，就好像我睡在沙发上一样，这是我的被子，他永远不能用它。
Yes, I noted it.
是的，我注意到了。
Ira Glass And what's it going to mean this year for Christmas, for Hugh?
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：今年的圣诞节对休来说意味着什么？
Well, it should've meant trouble for him.
嗯，这对他来说应该意味着麻烦。
But actually, I got him something-- he's going to have to be nice to me for the next 12 years.
但实际上，我给了他一些东西——在接下来的 12 年里他必须对我好。
Another good thing about it, is you just know how much it cost.
它的另一个好处是你只知道它的成本是多少。
Usually, if I give a present that's over a certain amount, I leave the price tag on and say, that's in case you wanted to exchange it.
通常，如果我赠送的礼物超过一定金额，我会留下价格标签并说，以防万一您想交换它。
Or sometimes I'll add zeros or ones to the price tag that already exists.
或者有时我会在已经存在的价格标签上添加零或一。
If you're going to spend that much money, people to know.
如果你要花那么多钱，人们就知道。
I should probably explain what's going on here to anybody listening to the radio right now.
我也许应该向现在正在听广播的人解释一下这里发生了什么。
We are broadcasting today from a huge auditorium in Los Angeles.
我们今天在洛杉矶的一个大礼堂进行广播。
And I'm on stage.
而我在舞台上。
[APPLAUSE] Thank you.
[鼓掌]谢谢。
I'm on stage.
我在舞台上。
There's a Christmas tree, and there's a toy train set.
一棵圣诞树，还有一套玩具火车。
And there's lots of poinsettias, and stockings are hung by the chimney with care.
还有很多一品红，烟囱旁小心翼翼地挂着长袜。
And besides that, there are no lights on at all.
除此之外，根本没有灯亮着。
And the audience here in the theater, I think, is beginning to wonder, is the whole show going to be this way?
我想，剧院里的观众开始想知道，整个演出会是这样吗？
People, I think, are saying, this is a little too much like the radio show.
我想，人们会说，这有点太像广播节目了。
We paid 21 bucks, So let's bring the lights up.
我们付了 21 美元，所以让我们把灯点亮吧。
From WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it's This American Life .
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 和国际公共广播电台的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today on our program--
今天我们的节目——
[APPLAUSE] Today on our program, A Very Special David Sedaris Christmas.
[掌声]今天在我们的节目中，大卫·塞达里斯度过了一个非常特别的圣诞节。
Thanks to public radio station KCRW in Santa Monica, we are here today in the thrillingly large Wadsworth Theatre in Los Angeles.
感谢圣莫尼卡公共广播电台 KCRW，我们今天来到了洛杉矶令人兴奋的大型沃兹沃斯剧院。
On our program today, stories from David Sedaris' new book of Christmas stories, Holidays on Ice , read by David, Julia Sweeney, and Matt Malloy.
在我们今天的节目中，大卫·塞达里斯的圣诞故事新书《冰上的假期》中的故事由大卫、朱莉娅·斯威尼和马特·马洛伊朗读。
Act One of our program, Front Row Center with Thaddeus Bristol.
我们的节目第一幕，撒迪厄斯布里斯托尔的前排中心。
A high-powered drama critic deploys his skills to critique the Christmas pageants at local elementary schools.
一位实力雄厚的戏剧评论家运用他的技能来评论当地小学的圣诞盛会。
Act Two, Seasons Greetings to Our Friends and Family!
第二幕，向我们的朋友和家人致以节日问候！
The annual holiday letter from one typical American family.
来自一个典型美国家庭的年度节日信件。
Act Three, Based on a True Story.
第三幕，根据真实故事改编。
What happens when you mix a TV producer, a small town church, a miracle, a side-by-side refrigerator, and $1,200 cash.
当你将电视制片人、小镇教堂、奇迹、并排冰箱和 1,200 美元现金混合在一起时，会发生什么？
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Front Row Center with Thaddeus Bristol.
第一幕，前排中心与撒迪厄斯·布里斯托尔。
Our first reader is David Sedaris.
我们的第一位读者是大卫·塞达里斯。
Front Row Center with Thaddeus Bristol.
前排中心与撒迪厄斯·布里斯托尔。
Trite Christmas-- Scottsfield's young hams offer the blandest of holiday fare.
陈腐的圣诞节——斯科茨菲尔德的嫩火腿提供最清淡的节日美食。
The approach of Christmas signifies three things-- bad movies, unforgivable television, and even worse theater.
圣诞节的临近意味着三件事——糟糕的电影、不可原谅的电视，以及更糟糕的戏剧。
I'm talking bone-crushing theater, the type our ancient ancestors used to oppress their enemies before the invention of the stretching rack.
我说的是骨头粉碎的戏剧，这是我们的远古祖先在拉伸架发明之前用来压迫敌人的类型。
We're talking torture on a par with the Scottsfield Dinner Theater's 1994 revival of Come Blow Your Horn , a production that violated every tenet of the Human Rights Accord.
我们谈论的酷刑与斯科茨菲尔德晚宴剧院 1994 年重演的《吹起你的号角》不相上下，这部作品违反了《人权协议》的每一项原则。
To those of you who enjoy the comfort of a nice set of thumbscrews, allow me to recommend any of the crucified holiday plays and pageants currently eliciting screams of mercy from within the confines of our local elementary and middle schools.
对于那些喜欢一套漂亮的指旋螺钉的舒适感的人，请允许我推荐任何目前在我们当地中小学范围内引发怜悯尖叫的节日戏剧和选美活动。
I will, no doubt, be taken to task for criticizing the work of children.
毫无疑问，我会因为批评儿童的工作而受到责备。
But as any pathologist will agree, if there's a cancer, it's best to treat it as soon as possible.
但任何病理学家都会同意，如果患有癌症，最好尽快治疗。
If you happen to stand over four feet tall, the agony awaiting you at Sacred Heart Elementary began the moment you took your seat.
如果你的身高恰好超过四英尺，那么在你入座的那一刻，圣心小学等待着你的痛苦就开始了。
These were mean little chairs, corralled into a theater haunted by the lingering stench of industrial-strength lasagna.
这些都是简陋的小椅子，被挤在一个被工业强度烤宽面条挥之不去的恶臭所困扰的剧院里。
My question is not why they chose to stage the production in a poorly-disguised cafeteria but why they chose to stage it at all.
我的问题不是他们为什么选择在一个伪装得很差的自助餐厅上演这部作品，而是他们为什么选择上演它。
The story of the first Christmas is an overrated clunker of a holiday pageant, best left to those looking to cure their chronic insomnia.
第一个圣诞节的故事是一个被高估的节日盛会的故事，最好留给那些想要治愈长期失眠的人。
Although the program listed no director, the apathetic staging suggested the limp, partially-paralyzed hand of Sister Mary Elizabeth Bronson, who should've been excommunicated after last season's disasterous Thanksgiving program.
尽管该节目没有列出导演，但冷漠的舞台表演表明玛丽·伊丽莎白·布朗森修女的手瘫痪了，她本应在上一季灾难性的感恩节节目后被逐出教会。
Here again, the first through third-grade actors graced the stage with an enthusiasm most children reserve for a smallpox vaccination.
在这里，一年级到三年级的演员再次以大多数孩子对天花疫苗接种的热情为舞台增光添彩。
One could hardly blame them for their lack of vitality, as the stingy, uninspired script consists not of springy dialogue but rather of a deadening series of pronouncements.
人们很难责怪他们缺乏活力，因为吝啬、缺乏灵感的剧本不是由充满活力的对话组成，而是由一系列令人窒息的声明组成。
Mary to Joseph, I am tired.
玛丽对约瑟夫说，我累了。
Joseph to Mary, we will rest here for the night.
约瑟夫对玛丽说，我们今晚就在这里休息。
There's no fire, no give and take.
没有火，没有给予和索取。
And the audience soon grows weary of this passionless relationship.
观众很快就厌倦了这种毫无激情的关系。
In the role of Mary, six-year-old Shannon Burke just barely manages to pass herself off as a virgin.
在扮演玛丽这个角色时，六岁的香农·伯克勉强假装自己是处女。
A cloying, preening stage presence, her performance seemed based on nothing but an annoying proclivity towards lifting her skirt and, on rare occasion, opening her eyes.
她的舞台表现令人厌烦、自命不凡，她的表演似乎只是基于一种令人讨厌的倾向，即掀起裙子，偶尔睁开眼睛。
As Joseph, second-grade student Douglas Trazzare needed to be reminded that although his character did not technically impregnate the virgin mother, he should behave as though he were capable of doing so.
扮演约瑟夫的二年级学生道格拉斯·特拉扎尔（Douglas Trazzare）需要被提醒，尽管他的角色在技术上并没有使处女母亲怀孕，但他的行为应该表现得好像他有能力这样做。
Thrown into the mix were a handful of inattentive shepherds and a trio of gift-bearing seven-year-olds who could probably give The Three Stooges a run for their money.
其中包括几个漫不经心的牧羊人和三个带着礼物的七岁孩子，他们可能会与三个臭皮匠争夺金钱。
As for the lighting, Sacred Heart Elementary chose to rely on nothing more than the flashbulbs ignited by the obnoxious stage mothers and fathers who had created those zombies, staggering back and forth across the linoleum-floored dining hall.
至于照明，圣心小学选择的只是依靠那些令人讨厌的舞台父母点燃的闪光灯，他们创造了那些在铺着油毡地板的餐厅里摇摇晃晃地来回走动的僵尸。
Pointing to the oversized crate that served as a manger, one particularly insufficient wise man proclaimed, a child is bored.
一位特别不聪明的人指着用作马槽的超大板条箱宣称，孩子感到无聊。
Yes, well, so is this adult.
是的，嗯，这个成年人也是如此。
Once again, the sadists at the Jane Snow-Hernandez Middle School have taken up their burning pokers in an attempt to prod A Christmas Carol into some form of submission.
简·斯诺-埃尔南德斯中学的虐待狂们再次拿起了燃烧的拨火棍，试图迫使《圣诞颂歌》屈服于某种形式。
I might have overlooked the shoddy production values and dry, leaden pacing, but these are sixth graders we're talking about, and they ought to know better.
我可能忽略了劣质的制作价值和枯燥、沉闷的节奏，但我们谈论的是六年级学生，他们应该更了解。
There's really no point in adapting this Dickensian stinker, unless you're capable of looking beyond the novel's dime-store morality and getting to what little theatrical meat the story has to offer.
改编这部狄更斯式的恶作剧确实没有任何意义，除非你能够超越小说中的廉价道德，了解故事所提供的戏剧性内容。
The point is to eviscerate the gooey center, but here, it's served up as the entree.
重点是去掉粘糊糊的中心，但在这里，它被当作主菜。
And a foul pudding it is.
这是一个肮脏的布丁。
Most of the blame goes to the director, 11-year-old Becky Michaels, who seems to have picked up her staging secrets from the school's crossing guard.
大部分责任都归咎于导演、11 岁的贝基·迈克尔斯 (Becky Michaels)，她似乎从学校的路口警卫那里学到了舞台表演的秘密。
She tends to clump her actors, moving them only in groups of five or more.
她倾向于将演员集中在一起，只以五人或五人以上为一组移动。
A strong proponent of trendy, racially-mixed casting, Michaels gives us a black Tiny Tim, leaving the audience to wonder, what, is this kid supposed to be adopted?
迈克尔斯是时尚、种族混合选角的坚定支持者，他给我们带来了一个黑人小蒂姆，让观众想知道，什么，这个孩子应该被收养吗？
It's a distracting move, wrongheaded and pointless.
这是一种分散注意力的举动，错误且毫无意义。
The role was played by young Lamar Williams who, if nothing else, managed to sustain a decent limp.
这个角色是由年轻的拉马尔·威廉姆斯扮演的，如果不出意外的话，他还是设法保持了不错的跛行。
The program noted that he'd recently lost his right foot to diabetes, but was that reason enough to cast him?
该节目指出，他最近因糖尿病失去了右脚，但这足以让他出演吗？
As Tiny Tim, the boy's spends his stage time essentially trawling for sympathy, stealing focus from even the brightly-lit exit sign.
作为小蒂姆，这个男孩在舞台上的时间主要是为了博取同情，甚至从明亮的出口标志上抢走焦点。
I was gagging from the smell of spray-painted sneakers, and if I see one more top hat made from an oatmeal canister, I swear to god, I'm going to pull out a gun.
喷漆运动鞋的气味让我作呕，如果我再看到一顶用燕麦罐制成的高顶帽子，我对天发誓，我要拔出一把枪。
The problem with all of these shows stems partially from their maddening eagerness to please.
所有这些节目的问题部分源于它们令人发狂的取悦他人的渴望。
With smiles stretched tight as bungee cords, these hopeless amateurs pranced and gamboled across our local stages, hiding behind their youth and begging-- practically demanding-- we forgive their egregious mistakes.
这些绝望的业余爱好者带着像弹力绳一样绷紧的微笑，在我们当地的舞台上跳跃、嬉戏，躲在他们的青春背后，乞求——实际上是要求——我们原谅他们的严重错误。
While billing themselves as holiday entertainment, none of these productions came close to capturing the true spirit of Christmas.
虽然这些作品都标榜自己是节日娱乐节目，但没有一个能够真正捕捉到圣诞节的真正精神。
This glaring irony seemed to escape the throngs of ticket holders who ate these undercooked turkeys right down to the bone.
这种明显的讽刺似乎没有让一大群持票人把这些未煮熟的火鸡吃到骨头里。
Here were audiences that chuckled at every technical snafu, and applauded riotously each time a new character wandered out onto the stage.
这里的观众会因每一个技术问题而咯咯地笑，并在每次新角色走上舞台时热烈鼓掌。
With the close of every curtain, they leapt to their feet in one ovation after another, leaving me wedged into my doll-sized chair and wondering, is it just them, or am I missing something?
随着每一幕幕布的关闭，他们都站起来热烈鼓掌，留下我挤在我的娃娃大小的椅子上，想知道，只是他们，还是我错过了什么？
David Sedaris.
大卫·塞达里斯。
Act Two: Seasons Greetings To Our Friends And Family!
第二幕：向我们的朋友和家人致以节日问候！
Ira Glass Act Two, Season's Greetings to Our Friends and Family!
艾拉·格拉斯第二幕，向我们的朋友和家人致以节日的问候！
Well, our reader for this next story is Julia Sweeney, who completely rocks.
好吧，我们下一个故事的读者是朱莉娅·斯威尼（Julia Sweeney），她非常摇滚。
Julia is a writer and actress.
朱莉娅是一位作家和演员。
She was a cast member on Saturday Night Live for four years.
她在《周六夜现场》中担任演员四年。
Her sad and comic memoir of life with cancer, God Said, "Ha!", ran on Broadway this year, and a film of that one-woman show is going to be released next year in theaters.
她关于癌症生活的悲伤而喜剧的回忆录《上帝说，“哈！”》今年在百老汇上演，而一部关于这个独女剧的电影将于明年在影院上映。
Please welcome her.
请欢迎她。
Season's greetings to our friends and family.
向我们的朋友和家人致以节日的问候。
Many of you, our friends and family, are probably taken aback by this, our annual holiday newsletter.
你们中的许多人，我们的朋友和家人，可能会对我们的年度假期通讯感到惊讶。
You've read of our recent tragedy in the newspapers and were, no doubt, thinking that with all of their sudden legal woes and hassles, the Dunbar clan might be just sticking their heads in the sand and avoiding this upcoming holiday season altogether.
您已经在报纸上读到了我们最近发生的悲剧，并且毫无疑问地认为，由于突然出现的法律困境和麻烦，邓巴家族可能只是把头埋在沙子里，完全避开即将到来的假期。
Well, think again.
好吧，再想一想。
Our tree is standing tall in the living room.
我们的树高高地矗立在客厅里。
The stockings are hung, and we are eagerly awaiting the arrival of a certain portly gentleman who goes by the name of St. Nick.
长筒袜挂了起来，我们热切地等待着一位名叫圣尼克的肥胖绅士的到来。
Our trusty PC printed out our wish lists weeks ago, and now we're cranking it up again to wish you and yours the merriest of Christmas seasons from the entire Dunbar family, Clifford, Jocelyn, Kevin, Jacki, Kyle, and Khe Sahn.
我们值得信赖的电脑几周前就打印出了我们的愿望清单，现在我们再次启动它，祝您和您的整个 Dunbar 家族（Clifford、Jocelyn、Kevin、Jacki、Kyle 和 Khe Sahn）圣诞快乐。
Some of you are probably reading this and scratching your heads over the name Khe Sahn.
你们中有些人可能正在读这篇文章，并对 Khe Sahn 这个名字摸不着头脑。
That certainly doesn't fit with the rest of the family names, you're saying to yourself.
这肯定不符合其他家族的名字，你对自己说。
What, did those crazy Dunbars get themselves a Siamese cat?
什么，那些疯狂的邓巴一家给自己买了一只暹罗猫？
Well, you're close.
嗯，你很接近了。
To those of you live in a cave and haven't heard the news, allow us to introduce Khe Sahn Dunbar who, at the age of 22, happens to be the newest member of our family.
对于那些住在山洞里还没有听到这个消息的人，请允许我们介绍一下 Khe Sahn Dunbar，他今年 22 岁，恰好是我们家庭的最新成员。
Surprised?
惊讶吗？
Join the club.
加入俱乐部。
It appears that Clifford-- husband of yours truly and father to our three natural children-- accidentally planted the seeds for Khe Sahn 22 years ago during his stint in, where else, Vietnam.
克利福德（Clifford）——您真正的丈夫，也是我们三个亲生孩子的父亲——22 年前在越南（越南）任职期间，意外地为溪山播下了种子。
Clifford Dunbar, 22 years ago, a young man in a war-torn country, made a mistake, a terrible, heinous mistake.
22 年前，克利福德·邓巴（Clifford Dunbar）是一个在饱受战争蹂躏的国家的年轻人，犯了一个错误，一个可怕的、令人发指的错误。
A stupid, thoughtless, permanent mistake with dreadful, haunting consequences.
这是一个愚蠢的、轻率的、永久性的错误，会带来可怕的、难以忘怀的后果。
But who are you-- who are any of us-- to judge him for it, especially now with Christmas at our heels.
但你是谁——我们中的任何一个人——能因此来评判他，尤其是现在圣诞节即将来临。
Who are we to judge?
我们该评判谁？
Khe Sahn arrived at our door on, as fate would have it, Halloween.
正如命运所料，Khe Sahn 来到我们家门口的那天是万圣节。
I recall mistaking her for a trick-or-treater.
我记得我把她误认为是一个不给糖就捣蛋的人。
She wore, I remember, a skirt the size of a beer cozy, a short, furry jacket, and on her face, enough rouge, eye shadow and lipstick to paint our entire house inside and out.
我记得，她穿着一条啤酒杯大小的裙子，一件毛茸茸的短夹克，脸上涂了足够多的胭脂、眼影和口红，足以把我们整个房子里里外外都涂满。
She's a very small person, and I mistook her for a child, a child masquerading as a prostitute.
她个子很小，我把她误认为是一个孩子，一个冒充妓女的孩子。
I handed her a fistful of chocolate nougats, hoping that, like the other children, she would quickly move on to the next house.
我递给她一把巧克力牛轧糖，希望她能像其他孩子一样很快搬到下一个房子。
But Khe Sahn was no trick-or-treater.
但 Khe Sahn 并不是一个不给糖就捣蛋的人。
It is frightening that after all this time, a full-grown bastard-- and I use that word technically-- can cross the seas and make herself comfortable in my home, all with the blessing of our government.
令人恐惧的是，经过这么长时间，一个成年的私生子——我在技术上使用了这个词——能够跨越重洋，在我的家里过得舒适，这一切都得到了我们政府的祝福。
22 years ago, Uncle Sam couldn't stand the Vietnamese, and now he's dressing them like prostitutes and moving them into our houses.
22年前，山姆大叔无法忍受越南人，现在他把他们打扮得像妓女一样，把他们搬进我们的房子。
Out of nowhere, this landmine knocks upon our door, and we are expected to recognize her as our child.
这颗地雷突然敲响了我们的门，我们应该认出她是我们的孩子。
But Khe Sahn hasn't got the ambition God gave a sparrow.
但Khe Sahn并没有得到上帝赋予麻雀的野心。
She arrived in this house six weeks ago speaking only the words, "daddy," "shiny," and "five dollar now." Quite a vocabulary.
六周前，她来到这所房子，只说“爸爸”、“闪亮”和“现在五美元”。相当丰富的词汇量。
While an industrious person might buckle down and seriously study the language of her newly adopted country, Khe Sahn appeared to be in no hurry whatsoever.
虽然勤奋的人可能会埋头苦干，认真学习新移民国家的语言，但溪山似乎并不着急。
When asked a simple question-- such as, why don't you go back to where you came from?-- she would touch my hand and launch into a spasm of Vietnamese drivel, as if I were an outsider, as if I were expected to learn her language.
当被问到一个简单的问题时——比如，你为什么不回到你来的地方？——她会碰触我的手，然后说一些越南语的胡言乱语，就好像我是一个局外人，就好像我应该学习她的语言一样。
Clifford suggested that we hire an English tutor, but I am not in the habit of throwing my money away.
克利福德建议我们聘请一位英语家教，但我没有乱花钱的习惯。
And that, my friends, is what it would have amounted to.
我的朋友们，这就是它本来的样子。
Why not hire an expensive private tutor to teach the squirrels to speak in French?
为什么不聘请一位昂贵的私人导师来教松鼠说法语呢？
It would be no more ridiculous than teaching Khe Sahn English.
这并不比教溪山英语更荒谬。
A person has to want to learn.
一个人必须有学习的欲望。
I know that.
我知道。
Apparently, back in Ho Chi Minh City, her majesty was treated like a queen and sees no reason to change her ways.
显然，在胡志明市，女王陛下受到了女王般的待遇，并且认为没有理由改变她的生活方式。
Her highness rises around noon, wolfs down a fish or two-- all she eats is fish and chicken breasts-- and settles herself before the make up mirror, waiting for her father to return home from work.
殿下中午左右起床，狼吞虎咽地吃了一两条鱼——她吃的只是鱼和鸡胸肉——然后在化妆镜前坐下，等待父亲下班回家。
At the sound of his car in the driveway, she perks up and races to the door like a spaniel, panting and wagging her tail to beat the band.
听到他的汽车在车道上发出的声音，她就振作起来，像西班牙猎犬一样冲向门口，气喘吁吁地摇着尾巴，以击败乐队。
Suddenly, she is eager to please and attempt conversation.
突然，她渴望取悦并尝试交谈。
Well, I don't know how they behave in Vietnam, but in the United States, it is not customary for a half-dressed daughter to offer her father a five-dollar massage.
嗯，我不知道他们在越南的表现如何，但在美国，半裸的女儿给父亲做五美元的按摩是不常见的。
After having spent an exhausting day attempting to communicate a list of simple chores, I would stand in amazement of Khe Sahn's sudden grasp of English when faced with my husband.
在花了一整天的时间试图传达一系列简单的家务之后，我会惊讶地发现当面对我的丈夫时，Khe Sahn 突然掌握了英语。
"Daddy happy five-dollar shiny now, OK?
“爸爸现在很高兴五块钱闪闪发光，好吗？
You big feet friendly with ABC Khe Sahn you Big Bird daddy Grover." Apparently, she'd picked up a few words while watching Sesame Street.
你的大脚与 ABC Khe Sahn 很友好，你是大鸟爸爸格罗弗。”显然，她在看《芝麻街》时学到了一些单词。
It was a taxing experience for us all, especially our daughter Jackelyn, whose nerves have been, well, permanently jangled by drugs.
对于我们所有人来说，这都是一次费力的经历，尤其是我们的女儿杰克琳，她的神经已经被毒品永久地刺痛了。
You may have heard something about this and, no doubt, understand that it wasn't our fault.
您可能听说过这件事，并且毫无疑问地明白这不是我们的错。
We had, of course, warned Jackelyn against marrying Timothy Speaks.
当然，我们警告过杰克琳不要嫁给蒂莫西·斯皮克斯。
We warned, we threatened, cautioned, advised, what have you, but it did no good, as a young girl with all the evidence before her only sees what she wants to see.
我们警告，我们威胁，警告，建议，你有什么，但这没有任何好处，因为一个年轻女孩在所有证据面前只看到了她想看到的东西。
The marriage was bad enough, but the news of her pregnancy struck her father and me with the force of a hurricane.
婚姻已经够糟糕的了，但她怀孕的消息却给她父亲和我带来了飓风般的打击。
Timothy Speaks, the father of our grandchild?
蒂莫西·斯皮克斯，我们孙子的父亲？
How could it be?
怎么可能呢？
Timothy Speaks, who has so many pierced holes in his ears you could have torn the lobe right off, effortlessly ripped it loose the same way you might separate a stamp from a sheet.
蒂莫西·斯皮克斯（Timothy Speaks）的耳朵上有很多穿孔，你可以把耳垂撕下来，毫不费力地将它撕下来，就像你把邮票从一张纸上分开一样。
We, of course, saw it coming.
我们当然预见到了它的到来。
Faced with the concrete responsibility of fatherhood, Timothy Speaks abandoned his sick wife and child.
面对父亲身份的具体责任，蒂莫西·斯皮克斯抛弃了生病的妻子和孩子。
Suddenly.
突然。
Gone.
走了。
Poof.
噗。
Surprised?
惊讶吗？
Well, we saw it coming.
好吧，我们看到了它的到来。
We have all read the studies and understand that a drug-addicted baby faces a difficult, uphill battle in terms of living a normal life.
我们都读过这些研究，都知道吸毒成瘾的婴儿在过上正常生活方面面临着一场艰难而艰苦的战斗。
This child, having been given the legal name Satan Speaks, would, we felt, have a harder time than most.
我们认为，这个孩子的法定名字是“撒旦说话”，他的日子会比大多数孩子更艰难。
We were lucky enough to get Jacki into a fine treatment center on the condition that the child remain here with us until which time, if ever, she was able to assume responsibility for him.
我们很幸运地把杰基送进了一家优质治疗中心，条件是孩子必须留在我们这里，直到她能够承担起照顾他的责任为止。
The child arrived at our home on November 10, and shortly thereafter, following her initial withdrawal, Jacki granted us permission to address it as Don.
孩子于 11 月 10 日抵达我们家，不久之后，在她最初退出后，杰基允许我们称呼她为唐。
Don, a nice, simple name.
唐，一个好听、简单的名字。
While I could not describe him as being a normal baby, taking care of young Don gave me a great deal of pleasure.
虽然我不能把他描述为一个正常的婴儿，但照顾小唐给了我很大的乐趣。
Terribly insistent, prone to hideous rashes, a 24-hour, round-the-clock screamer, he was our grandchild, and we loved him.
他非常坚持，容易出现可怕的皮疹，24小时不间断地尖叫，他是我们的孙子，我们爱他。
Knowing that he would physically grow into adulthood while maintaining the attention span of a common house fly did not in the least bit diminish our feelings for him.
知道他的身体会长大成人，同时保持普通家蝇的注意力，但这丝毫没有减少我们对他的感情。
Clifford would sometimes joke that Don was a crack baby because he woke us at the crack of dawn.
克利福德有时会开玩笑说唐是个出色的婴儿，因为他在黎明时分就叫醒了我们。
I would then take the opportunity to mention the Khe Sahn was something of a crack baby herself, wandering around our house at all hours of the day and night wearing nothing but a pair of hot pants and a glorified sports bra.
然后我会借此机会提到 Khe Sahn 本身就是一个神奇宝贝，白天和晚上的所有时间都在我们家里闲逛，只穿着一条热裤和一件华丽的运动胸罩。
Clifford suggested that I buy her a few decent dresses.
克利福德建议我给她买几件像样的衣服。
So I made her several outfits, sewed them with my own hands, two floor-length dresses, beautiful burlap dresses.
于是我给她做了几套衣服，亲手缝制，两件及地长裙，漂亮的粗麻布连衣裙。
But she [?
但她[?
didn't ?] wear them.
没有？]穿它们。
When the winter winds began to blow, she took to draping herself in a bed blanket, huddling beside the fireplace.
当冬天的风开始吹的时候，她开始裹上毯子，蜷缩在壁炉旁。
She carried on, following at Clifford's heels until Thanksgiving Day, when she was introduced to our son, Kevin, home for the holiday.
她继续追随克利福德的脚步，直到感恩节，当时她被介绍给我们的儿子凯文，回家过节。
After graduating Moody High with honors, Kevin is currently enrolled in his third year at Feeny State, majoring in chemical engineering.
凯文以优异的成绩从穆迪高中毕业后，目前正在菲尼州立大学读三年级，主修化学工程。
He's made the honor roll every semester, and there seems to be no stopping him.
他每个学期都名列荣誉榜，似乎没有什么可以阻止他。
We love you, Kevin.
我们爱你，凯文。
But one look at Kevin and it was "Clifford?
但一看凯文，就会发现“克利福德？
Clifford Who?" as far as Khe Sahn was concerned.
克利福德是谁？”就Khe Sahn而言。
One look at our handsome son and the shivering victim dropped her blanket and showed her true colors.
一看我们英俊的儿子，这位瑟瑟发抖的受害者就放下了毯子，露出了她的真面目。
She ruined our holiday dinner with her giggling, coy games.
她咯咯地笑、腼腆的游戏毁了我们的节日晚餐。
She sat beside Kevin until, insisting she'd seen a spider in her chair, she moved onto his lap.
她坐在凯文旁边，直到她坚称自己在椅子上看到了一只蜘蛛，然后才走到他的腿上。
"You new funky master jam party mix silly fresh spider five dollar Big Bird."
“你这个新的时髦大师果酱派对混合了愚蠢的新鲜蜘蛛五美元大鸟。”
Now, those of you who know Kevin understand that while he is an absolute whip at some things, he's terribly naive at others.
现在，认识凯文的人都知道，虽然他在某些事情上绝对是个天才，但在其他事情上他却非常天真。
Tall and good looking, easy with a smile and a kind word, Kevin has been the target of many a huntress.
凯文身材高大，相貌英俊，笑容满面，言语友善，是许多女猎人的目标。
I could barely choke down my meal and found myself counting the minutes before Kevin, the greatest joy of our lives, called an end to the private English lesson he gave Khe Sahn in her bedroom, got into his car, and returned to Feeny State.
我几乎无法咽下饭菜，发现自己在数分钟，直到凯文，我们生命中最大的快乐，结束了他在凯萨恩的卧室里给她上的私人英语课，上了他的车，回到了菲尼州立大学。
He's not for you, I yelled at her.
他不适合你，我对她大喊。
I have been criticized for yelling, told that it doesn't serve any real purpose when speaking to a foreigner, but at least it gets their attention.
我因大喊大叫而受到批评，他们告诉我，在与外国人交谈时大喊大叫没有任何实际作用，但至少引起了他们的注意。
Both my son and my husband are off limits, as far as you're concerned.
就你而言，我儿子和我丈夫都是禁区。
Do you understand?
你明白吗？
They are each related to you in one way or another, and that makes it wrong-- automatically wrong.
它们都以某种方式与你相关，这使得它是错误的——自动错误。
Bad, bad, wrong.
不好，不好，错误。
Wrong and bad together.
错与坏在一起。
I gave up.
我放弃了。
Trying to explain moral principles to Khe Sahn was like reviewing a standard 1040 tax form with a house cat.
试图向 Khe Sahn 解释道德原则就像和一只家猫一起审查标准的 1040 税表一样。
She understands only what she chooses to understand.
她只理解她选择理解的内容。
We were approaching Christmas, December 16, when I made the thoughtless mistake of asking her to watch the child while I ran some errands.
12 月 16 日，圣诞节即将来临，我犯了一个粗心的错误，在我出去办事时请她照看孩子。
It was nine days before Christmas, and as busy as I was, I hadn't bought a single gift.
距离圣诞节还有九天，尽管我很忙，但我没有买一件礼物。
Santa, where are you?
圣诞老人，你在哪里？
Watch the baby, I said, as we stood over the crib and observed the wailing infant.
看着婴儿，我说，当我们站在婴儿床边观察哭泣的婴儿时。
I picked him up and rocked him gently as he struggled in my arms.
我把他抱起来，轻轻摇晃他，他在我怀里挣扎。
Watch the baby.
看好宝宝。
Watch baby, Khe Sahn responded, holding out her arms to accept him.
看着宝贝，Khe Sahn 回应道，伸出双臂接受他。
Ugh, what a fool I was!
唉，我真是个傻瓜！
Now, I can't account for every moment of my afternoon.
现在，我无法记清下午的每一刻。
Never did it occur to me that I would one day be called upon to do so, but that being the case, I will report what I remember.
我从来没有想到有一天我会被要求这样做，但既然如此，我将报告我所记得的事情。
I can comfortably testify that on the afternoon of December 16, I visited the White Paw Shopping Center where I spent a brief amount of time in The Slack Heap, searching for a gift for Kyle.
我可以放心地作证，12 月 16 日下午，我参观了 White Paw 购物中心，并在 The Slack Heap 短暂停留，为凯尔寻找礼物。
I stuck my head inside Turtleneck Crossing and search for candles at Wax and Wane.
我把头伸进高领十字路口，在 Wax and Wane 寻找蜡烛。
There are close to 100 shops at the White Paw Center, and you'll have to forgive me if I can't provide a detailed list of how long I spent in this or that store.
白爪中心有近 100 家商店，如果我无法提供我在这家或那家商店呆了多长时间的详细清单，请原谅我。
I shopped until I grew wary of the time.
我一直购物，直到我对时间变得警惕。
On the way home, I stopped at the Food Carnival and bought a few items.
回家的路上，我在美食嘉年华停下来买了一些东西。
It was getting dark-- perhaps 4:30-- when I pulled into the driveway of our home on Tiffany Circle.
天渐渐黑了——大概是 4 点 30 分——当我把车开进我们位于蒂芙尼圆环的家的车道时。
I collected my packages from the car and entered my home where I was immediately struck by an eerie silence.
我从车上取了包裹，走进家中，立刻就陷入了诡异的寂静之中。
This doesn't feel right to me, I remember saying to myself.
这对我来说感觉不太对劲，我记得我对自己说。
It was intuition, a mother's intuition, that unexplainable language of the senses.
这是直觉，母亲的直觉，是无法解释的感官语言。
Something is wrong, I said to myself.
出了什么问题，我对自己说。
Something is terribly, terribly wrong.
有些事情是非常非常错误的。
Before calling out for Khe Sahn or checking on the baby, I instinctively phoned the police.
在呼唤 Khe Sahn 或检查婴儿之前，我本能地打电话给警察。
And then I stood there, stock still in the living room, staring at my shopping bags until they arrived 27 minutes later.
然后我站在那里，一动不动地放在客厅里，盯着我的购物袋，直到 27 分钟后它们到达。
At the sound of the squad car in the driveway, Khe Sahn made an entrance, parading down the stairs in a black lace half-slip and a choker made from the cuff of Kevin's old choir robe.
听到车道上警车的声音，克萨恩进来了，穿着黑色蕾丝半衬裙，戴着凯文旧唱诗班长袍袖口制成的项圈，从楼梯上走下来。
Where is the baby?
宝宝在哪儿？
I asked her.
我问她。
Where is Don?
唐在哪里？
We combed the entire house, the officers and I, before finally finding the helpless baby in the laundry room, warm, but lifeless in the dryer.
我和警官们搜查了整个房子，最后在洗衣房里找到了无助的婴儿，虽然温暖，但在烘干机里毫无生气。
The autopsy later revealed that Don had also been subjected to a wash cycle-- hot wash, cold rinse.
后来的尸检显示，唐还接受过清洗循环——热水清洗、冷水冲洗。
He died long before the spin cycle, which I suppose is the only blessing to be had in this entire, ugly episode.
他在旋转周期之前很久就去世了，我想这是整个丑陋事件中唯一的祝福。
The shock and horror that followed Don's death are something I would rather not recount.
唐死后所带来的震惊和恐惧是我不愿重述的。
Calling our children to report the news, watching the baby's body, small as a loaf of bread, as it was zipped into the heavy plastic bag, this image has nothing to do with the merriment of Christmas, and I hope my mention of them will not dampen your spirits at this most special and glittery time of the year.
打电话给我们的孩子们来报道这个消息，看着婴儿的身体，小如一条面包，被拉链装进沉重的塑料袋里，这个画面与圣诞节的欢乐无关，我希望我的提及不会影响你们在这个一年中最特别、最闪亮的时刻的兴致。
The evening of December 16 was a very dark hour for the Dunbar family.
12月16日晚上对于邓巴一家来说是一个非常黑暗的时刻。
At least with Khe Sahn in police custody, we could grieve privately, consoling ourselves with the belief that justice had been carried out.
至少在溪山被警方拘留的情况下，我们可以私下悲伤，并以正义得到伸张的信念来安慰自己。
The bitter tears were still wet upon our faces when the police returned to Tiffany Circle where they began their ruthless questioning of yours truly.
当警察回到蒂芙尼圆环时，我们脸上还湿着辛酸的泪水，他们开始无情地审问你的真实情况。
Through the aid of interpreter, Khe Sahn had spent a sleepless night at police headquarters constructing a story of unspeakable lies and betrayal.
在翻译的帮助下，Khe Sahn 在警察总部度过了一个不眠之夜，编造了一个难以言喻的谎言和背叛的故事。
While I'm not at liberty to discuss her exact testimony, allow me to voice my disappointment that anyone, let alone the police, would even think of taking Khe Sahn's word over my own.
虽然我没有自由讨论她的确切证词，但请允许我表达我的失望，因为任何人，更不用说警察，甚至会考虑相信 Khe Sahn 的话而不是我的话。
How could I have placed a helpless child in the machine?
我怎么能把一个无助的孩子放进机器里呢？
And even if I were cruel enough to do such a thing, when would I have found the time?
就算我残忍到做出这样的事，我什么时候才能抽出时间呢？
I was out shopping.
我出去购物了。
You may have read that our so-called neighbor, Cherise Clarmont-Shea, reported that she witnessed me leaving my home at around 1:15 on the afternoon of December 16, and then, 20 minutes later, allegedly park my car on the far corner of Tiffany and Papa George and, in her words, creep through her backyard and in through my basement door.
你可能读过，我们所谓的邻居 Cherise Clarmont-Shea 报告说，她在 12 月 16 日下午 1 点 15 分左右目击我离开家，然后，20 分钟后，据称我把车停在蒂芙尼和爸爸乔治街的远角，用她的话说，她从她的后院爬进了我的地下室门。
Well, if the make up she applies is any indication of her vision, then I believe it is safe to say she can't see two inches in front of her, much less testify to the identity of someone she might think she's seen crossing her yard.
好吧，如果她化妆能表明她的视力，那么我相信可以肯定地说她看不到前方两英寸的地方，更不用说证明她可能认为自己看到穿过院子的人的身份了。
She's on pills, Everybody knows that.
她正在服用药物，这是每个人都知道的。
She's desperate for attention, and I might pity her under different circumstances.
她渴望得到关注，在不同的情况下我可能会同情她。
Cherise Clarmont-Shea has no more sense than a hand puppet.
切丽斯·克拉蒙特-谢伊的意识就如同一个手偶。
She has three names.
她有三个名字。
These charges, of course, are ridiculous, yet I must take them seriously, as my very life may be at stake.
这些指控当然很荒谬，但我必须认真对待它们，因为我的生命可能受到威胁。
A hearing has been set for December 27, and knowing how disappointed you, our friends, might feel at being left out, I've included the time and address at the bottom of this letter.
听证会定于 12 月 27 日举行，我知道您，我们的朋友，如果被排除在外可能会感到多么失望，所以我在这封信的底部附上了听证会的时间和地址。
The hearing is an opportunity during which you might convey your belated Christmas spirit through deed and action.
听证会是一个机会，您可以通过行动传达迟来的圣诞精神。
That heartfelt concern, that desire to stand by your friends and family is the very foundation upon which we celebrate the Christmas season, isn't it?
这种发自内心的关心，那种与朋友和家人站在一起的愿望是我们庆祝圣诞节的基础，不是吗？
While this year's Dunbar Christmas will be seasoned with loss and sadness, we plan to proceed as best we can toward that day of days, December 27, 1:45 PM at the White Paw County Courthouse, room 412.
虽然今年的邓巴圣诞节将充满失落和悲伤，但我们计划尽最大努力迎接那一天，即 12 月 27 日下午 1:45，在怀特爪县法院 412 室举行。
I'll be calling you to remind you of that information, and I look forward to discussing the festive bounty of your holiday season.
我会打电话给您提醒您这些信息，并且我期待着与您讨论节日期间的节日福利。
Until that time, we wish the best to you and yours.
在那之前，我们祝愿您和您的家人一切顺利。
Merry Christmas, the Dunbars.
圣诞快乐，邓巴一家。
Julia Sweeney.
朱莉娅·斯威尼.
Coming up, Hollywood makes you a Christmas offer you cannot refuse.
即将到来，好莱坞将为您提供无法拒绝的圣诞优惠。
More David Sedaris Christmas stories.
更多大卫·塞达里斯圣诞故事。
It's in a minute, from Public Radio International, when our program continues.
一分钟后，国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life .
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Most weeks on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories from a variety of different writers and reporters and performers on that theme.
当然，在我们节目的大多数星期里，我们都会选择一个主题，为您带来来自各种不同作家、记者和表演者关于该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
But today, for the holidays, we bring you a set of Christmas stories by David Sedaris, read by David and others.
但今天，在假期里，我们为您带来一组由大卫·塞达里斯 (David Sedaris) 创作的圣诞故事，由大卫和其他人朗读。
We are broadcasting from the Wadsworth Theatre in Los Angeles.
我们在洛杉矶沃兹沃斯剧院进行广播。
We've arrived at Act Three of our program.
我们已经到了节目的第三幕了。
Act Three, Based on a True Story.
第三幕，根据真实故事改编。
Christmas stories are a lucrative business, and nobody knew that better than Charles Dickens.
圣诞故事是一项利润丰厚的生意，没有人比查尔斯·狄更斯更了解这一点。
Charles Dickens actually-- this is a true story-- he actually wrote his classic story, A Christmas Carol , to get out of debt.
事实上，查尔斯·狄更斯——这是一个真实的故事——他实际上写了他的经典故事《圣诞颂歌》，以摆脱债务。
And the book was this big hit.
这本书非常受欢迎。
And this is 1843.
这是1843年。
And he proceeded to write another Christmas book every year from 1844 through 1848.
从 1844 年到 1848 年，他每年都会写另一本圣诞书。
And then every year between 1850 and 1867, he would write a Christmas something, somewhere in some magazine.
然后，从 1850 年到 1867 年间，每年他都会在某本杂志的某个地方写一篇关于圣诞节的文章。
Dickens, more than any other person, created.
狄更斯的创造比任何人都多。
or at least popularized, our modern idea of Christmas.
或者至少普及了我们现代的圣诞节观念。
Before A Christmas Carol and his other Christmas stories, most people still thought of Christmas as a religious holiday.
在《圣诞颂歌》和他的其他圣诞故事之前，大多数人仍然认为圣诞节是一个宗教节日。
Dickens basically took the Christ out of Christmas.
狄更斯基本上把基督从圣诞节中剔除了。
For Dickens, Christmas was basically just a big party, time to get together with family, drink punch, eat a huge meal, give gifts.
对于狄更斯来说，圣诞节基本上只是一个盛大的聚会，是与家人团聚、喝潘趣酒、吃大餐、赠送礼物的时间。
John Jordan heads the Dickens Project at UC Santa Cruz.
约翰·乔丹是加州大学圣克鲁斯分校狄更斯项目的负责人。
So the Cratchit family or Scrooge's nephew are models for how to hold a one-day family celebration with the goose or the turkey or whatever.
因此，克拉奇特家族或斯克鲁奇的侄子是如何用鹅或火鸡或其他东西举行一日家庭庆祝活动的典范。
Now if Dickens kind of made modern Christmas in his books, what would you say David Sedaris is doing in his new book of Christmas stories?
现在，如果狄更斯在他的书中创造了现代圣诞节，你会说大卫·塞达里斯在他的新圣诞故事书中做了什么？
Well, I think David Sedaris, he reminds me a lot of Scrooge, in a sense, in that he's saying "bah humbug" to the notion of Christmas.
嗯，我认为大卫·塞达里斯，从某种意义上说，他让我想起了很多斯克鲁奇，因为他对圣诞节的概念说“bah humbug”。
And the thing that's different about Sedaris is that Sedaris sustains that pose of disenchantment all the way through the stories, although I don't really believe that he's as dark as he pretends himself to be.
塞达里斯的不同之处在于，塞达里斯在整个故事中一直保持着一种祛魅的姿态，尽管我并不真的相信他像他假装的那样黑暗。
Oh, really?
哦真的吗？
Why is that?
这是为什么？
What are you saying?
你在说什么？
Well, he's a satirist.
嗯，他是个讽刺作家。
And in order to be a satirist, you've got to have implicitly-- if not explicitly-- some standard of value against which you hold up all the things that you're making fun of.
为了成为一名讽刺作家，你必须隐含地——如果不是明确地——有某种价值标准，你可以根据这个标准来衡量你所取笑的所有事情。
On of the producers of today's show, Julie Snyder, when we were researching this Dickens stuff, she summarized David's contribution to the Christmas genre this way, "Dickens took the Christ out of Christmas.
今天节目的制片人朱莉·斯奈德（Julie Snyder），当我们研究狄更斯的作品时，她这样总结大卫对圣诞节类型的贡献：“狄更斯把基督从圣诞节中拿走了。
David takes the fun out of Christmas."
大卫让圣诞节失去了乐趣。”
I guess I could be accused of that.
我想我可能会因此受到指责。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I just can't help myself.
我就是控制不住自己。
I'm not trying to ruin-- I'm not trying to bring people down.
我不是想毁掉——我不是想让人们失望。
I think I just tend to write Christmas stories that would make anyone else feel lucky.
我想我只是倾向于写一些能让其他人感到幸运的圣诞故事。
Christmas was an important part of Dickens' livelihood through the end of his life.
圣诞节是狄更斯晚年生活的重要组成部分。
He was a wonderful reader, and he loved, actually, doing readings on stage, and toured.
他是一位出色的读者，实际上，他喜欢在舞台上读书并巡回演出。
He toured.
他巡演了。
And he often read from A Christmas Carol .
他经常读《圣诞颂歌》。
But sometimes, it bothered him.
但有时，这会让他烦恼。
At some point, it became clear to him that he could not escape Christmas.
在某个时刻，他清楚地意识到他无法逃脱圣诞节。
He had done this thing that he could never get out of, that he could never turn his back on.
他做了这件事，他永远无法摆脱，他永远无法拒绝。
He was permanently associated with it, and he was stuck.
他永远与它联系在一起，他被困住了。
He wrote, in a letter to his daughter, Mamie, "It was as if I had murdered a Christmas a number of years ago, and its ghost perpetually haunted me."
他在给女儿玛米的信中写道：“就好像我几年前谋杀了一个圣诞节，它的幽灵永远困扰着我。”
That sounds like something I wrote in my diary.
这听起来像是我在日记中写的。
What'd you say?
你说什么？
David Sedaris Well, it's the same way I feel about that Santaland story.
David Sedaris 嗯，这和我对圣诞老人故事的感受是一样的。
It will haunt me forever.
它会永远困扰着我。
But I can't escape that.
但我无法逃避这一点。
I'm an elf now.
我现在是一个精灵了。
It'll be on my headstone.
它将刻在我的墓碑上。
Well, the worst thing about being called an elf is that I really look like one.
好吧，被称为精灵最糟糕的事情是我看起来真的很像精灵。
That's the worst thing.
这是最糟糕的事情。
Like, if people were to call me a werewolf, I would think, well, that doesn't matter.
就像，如果人们称我为狼人，我会想，好吧，那没关系。
I don't look anything like a werewolf.
我看起来一点也不像狼人。
But today's elf is tomorrow's gnome.
但今天的精灵就是明天的侏儒。
All it takes is a few more pounds and a little hair loss.
所需要的只是增加几磅体重和一点点脱发。
I look like I should be living under a bridge with some goats.
我看起来应该和一些山羊住在桥下。
Well, our next story is the story of someone trying to cash in on Christmas by creating a big Christmas story.
好吧，我们的下一个故事是某人试图通过创作一个圣诞大故事来在圣诞节赚钱的故事。
I heard about this next reader from David, actually.
事实上，我是从大卫那里听说这位下一位读者的。
David and I were on the phone one day, and he had just seen the movie In the Company of Men .
有一天，大卫和我通电话，他刚刚看了电影《与男人为伴》。
And he was urging me to see it and doing that by performing large sections of the movie for me over the phone.
他敦促我去看这部电影，并通过电话为我表演了电影的大部分内容。
It's that kind of movie.
就是这样的电影。
And I saw it, and I loved it too.
我看到了它，我也喜欢它。
And I was really struck by one of the stars of the film, Matt Malloy, who gives, in the film, this great, squirmy, memorable performance.
这部电影的一位明星马特·马洛伊给我留下了深刻的印象，他在电影中奉献了这场精彩的、蠕动的、令人难忘的表演。
So it is with great pleasure that I welcome Matt Malloy here today on our stage.
因此，我今天非常高兴地欢迎马特·马洛伊来到我们的舞台。
Good morning, people, and Merry Christmas.
大家早上好，圣诞快乐。
Seeing as your minister, Brother Phil Becky, is running a bit late, I thought I'd take this opportunity to say a few words before he wheels himself back in to begin the traditional holiday service.
鉴于你们的牧师菲尔·贝基弟兄来得有点晚了，我想我应该趁这个机会说几句话，然后他才推着车回来开始传统的节日礼拜。
So here I am, folks, filling in for Phil.
各位，我在这里，代替菲尔。
"Who is this guy in his hand-tailored Savile Row suit?" you're asking yourselves.
“这个穿着手工定制的萨维尔街西装的家伙是谁？”你在问自己。
Those of you with little or no education are no doubt scratching your heads and thinking, "We ain't never seed him before.
你们中那些受过很少教育或没有受过教育的人无疑会挠头思考，“我们以前从未播种过他。
How you reckon he keeps his shoes so clean?"
你认为他的鞋子是怎么保持这么干净的？”
Now, friends, don't get me wrong.
现在，朋友们，不要误会我的意思。
I'm not criticizing the way you talk.
我并不是在批评你说话的方式。
In fact, I kind of like it.
事实上，我有点喜欢它。
As a people, you so-called hillbillies have made a remarkable contribution to the entertainment industry.
作为一个民族，你们所谓的乡下人为娱乐业做出了非凡的贡献。
And I, for one, thank you for that.
我个人对此表示感谢。
So who am I?
那么我是谁？
For those of you who don't know me, my name is Jim Timothy.
对于那些不认识我的人来说，我的名字是吉姆·蒂莫西。
And as you probably gathered from my full set of God-given teeth, I'm not from around these parts.
正如你可能从我的全套上帝赐予的牙齿中了解到的那样，我不是来自这些地方。
You see, folks, I work in the television industry.
你们看，伙计们，我在电视行业工作。
No, I'm not a repairman but what you call an executive producer.
不，我不是修理工，而是你们所说的执行制片人。
I guess you could call me the guy that makes it all happen.
我想你可以称我为让这一切发生的人。
Due my highly-advanced sense of humor, I spent the first 10 years of my career developing situation comedies, or what we in the business like to refer to as "sitcoms." It was me who helped create such programs as Eight on a Raft, Darn Those Fleischmans, The Dating Cave , and Crackers and Company , a show you are probably familiar with, about a group of ignorant rednecks such as yourself.
由于我高度的幽默感，我在职业生涯的前 10 年里都在创作情景喜剧，或者我们业内人士喜欢称之为的“情景喜剧”。是我帮助制作了诸如《木筏上的八人》、《Darn those Fleischmans》、《约会洞穴》和《Crackers and Company》等节目，这是一个你可能熟悉的节目，讲述了一群像你这样无知的乡巴佬。
And I mean that in a good way.
我的意思是好的。
According to old man Webster, ignorant means lacking in knowledge and experience, which, let me tell you, can be something of a blessing.
根据韦伯斯特老人的说法，无知意味着缺乏知识和经验，让我告诉你，这可能是一种祝福。
There's not a day that passes when I don't spend a few moments wondering if some of us aren't just a little too smart for our own good.
我每天都会花一些时间思考我们中的一些人是不是太聪明了，对我们自己有利。
You people with your simple, unremarkable lives know nothing about production schedules or the sky-high salaries demanded by certain so-called entertainers, who could give the Arabs themselves a few pointers on terrorism.
你们这些生活简单、平淡无奇的人，对制作进度一无所知，也不知道某些所谓艺人索要的天价薪水，他们可以给阿拉伯人自己一些关于恐怖主义的指导。
I, on the other hand, know nothing about scabies, so maybe we're even.
另一方面，我对疥疮一无所知，所以也许我们是平等的。
Due in large part to my extraordinary interpersonal relationship skills, I was eventually snatched up by a rival network and put in charge of dramatic programming.
很大程度上由于我非凡的人际关系技巧，我最终被竞争对手网络挖走并负责戏剧节目制作。
No, I'm not talking about the vapid soap operas people like you tend to enjoy.
不，我说的不是像你这样的人喜欢的乏味肥皂剧。
I'm referring to the hard-hitting, socially-relevant, and meaningful programs that reflect what's really going on in this country of ours.
我指的是那些影响深远、与社会相关且有意义的计划，这些计划反映了我们这个国家的真实情况。
Without a laugh track or a standard 22-minute time frame, these are the shows that touch your heart rather than tickle your funny bone.
这些节目没有笑声，也没有标准的 22 分钟时长，但它们更能触动你的心，而不是让你觉得有趣。
These are programs in which good-looking people attempt to cope with life which, as many of you obviously know, isn't always as pretty as you'd like it to be.
在这些节目中，漂亮的人们试图应对生活，正如你们中的许多人显然知道的那样，生活并不总是像您希望的那样美丽。
Sometimes these good-looking people are forced to visit poorly-decorated homes or even trailers.
有时，这些长得好看的人被迫参观装修简陋的房屋，甚至是拖车。
I'm talking about such award-winning programs as Cynthia Chin, Oriental Wet Nurse, Hal's Tumor, and White Like Me .
我说的是《辛西娅·钦》、《东方奶妈》、《哈尔肿瘤》和《白如我》等获奖节目。
I found my voice with situation comedies, proved myself with dramas, and felt it was time to move on to the ratings boosters we like to call the miniseries.
我通过情景喜剧找到了自己的声音，通过戏剧证明了自己，并觉得是时候转向我们喜欢称之为迷你剧的收视率助推器了。
Sometimes these programs are based upon novels written by many of your favorite authors, such as James Chutney and Jocelyn Hershey-Guest.
有时，这些程序是根据许多您最喜欢的作家（例如詹姆斯·查特尼和乔斯林·赫尔希-格斯特）所写的小说改编的。
I like to think we did a real justice to Olivia Hightop's Midnight's Cousin and E.
我认为我们真正公正地对待了奥利维亚·海托普的午夜表弟和 E。
Thomas Wallop's searing historical drama, The Business End of the Stick .
托马斯·沃洛普 (Thomas Wallop) 的灼热历史剧《棍子的商业末端》(The Business End of the Stick)。
As I said, often these miniseries are based upon works of fiction.
正如我所说，这些迷你剧通常是根据小说作品改编的。
But just as frequently, we find equally-compelling material simply by opening our daily newspapers, contacting the survivors or perpetrators, and buying their stories, which are then adapted by any number of our skilled writers.
但同样常见的是，我们只需打开日报，联系幸存者或肇事者，购买他们的故事，然后由我们的许多熟练作家改编，就可以找到同样令人信服的材料。
This was the case with The Boiling of Sister Catherine , a tragic event which I think we explored with a great deal of dignity.
《凯瑟琳修女沸腾》就是这种情况，我认为我们非常有尊严地探讨了这一悲惨事件。
We recently aired another heartbreaking true-life drama, this one based upon a single mother forced to drown her own children, driving them into a lake in a desperate attempt to hold onto her new, handsome boyfriend.
我们最近播出了另一部令人心碎的真实生活剧，这部剧讲述了一位单身母亲被迫淹死自己的孩子，将他们赶进湖里，绝望地试图抓住她新帅男友的故事。
Sunroof Optional touched a lot of nerves.
天窗选装触动了很多人的神经。
And I was proud to be part of it.
我很自豪能成为其中的一部分。
Well, the miniseries based upon novels generate a good deal of interest.
嗯，根据小说改编的迷你剧引起了很大的兴趣。
It's these real-life dramas that tend to draw a larger audience.
正是这些现实生活中的戏剧往往会吸引更多的观众。
Why?
为什么？
I chalk it up to five simple words we use in every print or televised promotion.
我把它归结为我们在每次印刷或电视促销中使用的五个简单单词。
Five words.
五个字。
Based upon a true story.
根据真实故事改编。
Not made up in the mind of some typist but true.
不是某个打字员的想法，而是真实的。
There also happens to be a fair amount of money in it for the savvy criminals or unfortunate victim who wants to turn his or her grief into something with a little more buying power than the tear-stained pillow.
对于精明的罪犯或不幸的受害者来说，其中也有相当多的钱，他们想将自己的悲伤变成比泪痕斑斑的枕头更具购买力的东西。
Yes, Mr. Timothy, that's all very interesting, but what does it have to do with Christmas, and where the H-E- double toothpicks is Brother Phil Hickey?
是的，蒂莫西先生，这很有趣，但这和圣诞节有什么关系，H-E-双牙签是菲尔·希基弟兄在哪里？
Well, I'm getting to that.
好吧，我正在讲这个。
As I've explained, we've got our dramas and our miniseries.
正如我所解释的，我们有我们的戏剧和迷你剧。
And then, ever mindful of the calendar, we've also got our holiday specials.
然后，留意日历，我们还推出了节日特价。
You've no doubt seen or heard of them.
您无疑见过或听说过它们。
Vince Flatwood's Christmas in Cambodia or Christmas Rappin' with Extraneous BVD and the Skeleton Crew .
文斯·弗拉特伍德在柬埔寨的圣诞节或与外来 BVD 和骷髅船员的圣诞节说唱。
I could go on and on.
我还可以继续说下去。
But every now and then-- and it's rare-- once every blue moon, we come upon a marriage of the true-life miniseries and the holiday special.
但时不时地——而且很少见——每逢蓝月，我们都会遇到现实生活迷你剧和节日特辑的结合。
And that is what we in the television industry like to call art.
这就是我们电视行业喜欢称之为艺术的东西。
Our viewers saw art last Easter with a two-part Somebody's on My Cross .
去年复活节，我们的观众观看了由两部分组成的《有人在我的十字架上》的艺术作品。
And they saw it again in A Wishbone for Little Sleepy , in which a hardened gang member carjacks two Dutch tourists so that he can spend Thanksgiving on his grandfather's turkey farm.
他们在《小瞌睡的叉骨》中再次看到了这一点，其中一名顽固的帮派成员劫持了两名荷兰游客，以便他可以在祖父的火鸡农场度过感恩节。
Oh, these programs both won Emmy awards on the basis of their hard-hitting portrayal of a typical American life.
噢，这些节目都凭借对典型美国生活的生动刻画而获得了艾美奖。
This creature we call art is just as special as the day we call Christmas.
这种我们称之为艺术的生物与我们称之为圣诞节的日子一样特别。
And you people wouldn't be sitting here if you didn't agree with me.
如果你们不同意我的观点，你们就不会坐在这里。
I'm standing before you, the congregation of this simple, shack-like Pentecostal church, because I care.
我站在你们面前，这个简朴、棚屋般的五旬节教会的会众，因为我关心。
I care about all of us.
我关心我们所有人。
Now, I'm not stupid, and I won't pretend to be.
现在，我并不傻，我也不会假装傻。
I read the papers and magazines and know full well that one of your members is somewhat famous.
我看了报纸和杂志，很清楚你们的一位成员是有点名气的。
She gave unto her only son a very special Christmas gift.
她送给她唯一的儿子一份非常特别的圣诞礼物。
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
我相信你知道我在说什么。
A court order prevents me from saying her name, but you know who she is.
法庭命令禁止我说出她的名字，但你知道她是谁。
She's seated right now in this very room.
她现在就坐在这个房间里。
Oh, she drew quite a bit of attention one year ago today when she presented her child with the greatest gift a person can give, the gift of life.
哦，一年前的今天，当她向孩子赠送了一个人所能给予的最伟大的礼物——生命的礼物时，引起了相当多的关注。
Being local people, you're no doubt familiar with the story, but please allow me to recount it in my own way, because I like the sound of it.
作为当地人，你无疑对这个故事很熟悉，但请允许我用我自己的方式讲述它，因为我喜欢它的声音。
Call me crazy, but this does something to me.
你可以说我疯了，但这对我确实有帮助。
One year ago, on a frosty Christmas morning, a young, widowed mother, poor as dirt but still attractive in her own way, took drastic measures in order to save the life of a five-year-old child who was dying of kidney failure.
一年前，在一个寒冷的圣诞节早晨，一位年轻的丧偶母亲，虽然穷得一贫如洗，但仍然以自己的方式有吸引力，她采取了严厉的措施来挽救一个因肾衰竭而濒临死亡的五岁孩子的生命。
She had no health insurance or dialysis machine.
她没有健康保险或透析机。
But she did have a heavy Bible which she used to whack the boy against the back of his head, knocking him out in order to spare him from the pain that would follow.
但她确实有一本很重的《圣经》，她用它猛击男孩的后脑勺，把他打晕，以免他承受随之而来的痛苦。
Taking a rusty pen knife and a simple, dime-store sewing kit, the young woman proceeded to remove one of her kidneys and successfully transplant the vital organ in her son's vulnerable body.
这位年轻女子拿着一把生锈的钢笔刀和一套简单的廉价针线包，开始摘除她的一个肾脏，并成功地将这个重要器官移植到她儿子脆弱的身体里。
She did this with no prior experience, completely ignorant of even the simplest of medical procedures.
她在没有任何经验的情况下做到了这一点，甚至对最简单的医疗程序也完全无知。
The child had a different blood type.
这个孩子的血型不同。
And the kidney was much too large for his small, vulnerable body.
而且肾脏对于他娇小脆弱的身体来说太大了。
But still, the organ took, defying all laws of science.
但该器官仍然采取了行动，无视所有科学定律。
This operation was performed not in a sterile surgical environment but in a dark and dingy hay-filled barn, not unlike a manger.
这次手术不是在无菌的手术环境中进行的，而是在一个黑暗肮脏、堆满干草的谷仓中进行的，就像马槽一样。
There was manure in that barn.
那个谷仓里有粪便。
There were spiders and fleas.
有蜘蛛和跳蚤。
But still, the transplant was a success.
但无论如何，移植还是成功了。
The boy awoke, and shortly afterwards, was noticed happily playing in the bramble-filled ditch which constituted his front yard.
男孩醒了，不久之后，人们注意到他在前院布满荆棘的沟渠里快乐地玩耍。
When asked how she managed to perform such complex and delicate surgery, the ignorant young woman said only, "I done it with the help of the Lord."
当被问到她是如何完成如此复杂而精密的手术时，这位无知的年轻女子只说：“我是在主的帮助下完成的。”
Now, either she's the biggest liar since my third wife, or a miracle took place in that squalid, tin-roof barn.
现在，要么她是我第三任妻子以来最大的骗子，要么那个肮脏的铁皮屋顶谷仓里发生了奇迹。
A miracle witnessed by only two goats, half a dozen chickens, and a game cock with a broken leg.
只有两只山羊、六只鸡和一只断腿的斗鸡见证了这一奇迹。
And unfortunately, these animals, like the young woman herself, are refusing to talk.
不幸的是，这些动物，就像这位年轻女子本人一样，拒绝说话。
Reporters crawled out of the woodwork, nosing around for answers.
记者们从树林里爬出来，四处寻找答案。
But still, she held her tongue.
但她还是忍住了。
Let me point out that there are quite a few perplexing questions involving this incident.
我要指出的是，本次事件还有不少令人困惑的问题。
For example, isn't it funny how this poverty-stricken young widow could have an attorney but not a washing machine?
例如，这个贫困的年轻寡妇有律师却没有洗衣机，这不是很有趣吗？
That's right.
这是正确的。
She's being counseled by her brother, who just barely managed to pass the state bar exam after attending some fourth-rate state college.
她正在接受她哥哥的咨询，她的哥哥在就读了一些四流州立大学后勉强通过了州律师考试。
The man is a loser but calls himself a lawyer.
这个人是一个失败者，但自称是律师。
Go figure.
去算算吧。
Her brother is a public defender, a man who chooses to spend his life representing thieves and rapists.
她的兄弟是一名公设辩护人，选择一生为小偷和强奸犯辩护。
Here's a guy who sits down and shares his sandwich with the scum of the earth.
这是一个坐下来与地球上的败类分享他的三明治的人。
And he's advising this young woman on how to lead her life?
他正在为这位年轻女子如何过她的生活提供建议？
This young woman's brother has foolishly respected his client's desire to turn down all offers in regard to her story.
这位年轻女子的兄弟愚蠢地尊重了客户的愿望，拒绝了有关她的故事的所有提议。
Even worse, he's placed a restraining order against the very people who are helping to bring this story out from the shadows and into the light.
更糟糕的是，他对那些帮助将这个故事从阴影中带出光明的人发出了限制令。
I can understand turning away the book and motion picture people, but this is TV we're talking about.
我可以理解拒绝看书和看电影的人，但我们谈论的是电视。
The fact of the matter is, until this young woman agrees to sit down and reason with us, we have no story.
事实是，除非这位年轻女子同意坐下来和我们讲道理，否则我们没有故事。
Because without her cooperation, there's no way of knowing what really took place in that god-forsaken barn on the morning of Christmas one year ago today.
因为如果没有她的合作，我们就无法知道一年前的圣诞节早晨，那个被上帝遗弃的谷仓到底发生了什么。
And it's a tragedy that her son is no longer available to fill in those missing pieces.
不幸的是，她的儿子无法再填补这些缺失的部分。
Here, this woman sacrificed one of her own kidneys in order to save the boy's life.
在这里，这位妇女为了挽救男孩的生命而牺牲了自己的一个肾脏。
And six days later, he was struck down by a remote-location TV news truck.
六天后，他被一辆偏远的电视新闻卡车撞倒。
Unlike certain other people, I respected her grief and kept my distance for the better part of a week, allowing this woman, in her own private way, to come to terms with her terrible irony.
与其他某些人不同，我尊重她的悲伤，并在一周的大部分时间里与她保持距离，让这个女人以她自己的私下方式接受她可怕的讽刺。
Speaking through her brother, the young woman declined to initiate a lawsuit or even press charges.
这位年轻女子通过她的兄弟表示，拒绝提起诉讼，甚至拒绝提出指控。
It's been rumored that she's motivated by her deeply-held religious beliefs.
有传言说她的动机是出于她根深蒂固的宗教信仰。
And that is why, on this Christmas morning, I'm turning to you, her fellow parishioners.
这就是为什么在这个圣诞节早晨，我向你们，她的教区居民求助。
Let me just lay my cards on the table and give it to you straight.
让我把我的牌摊在桌面上，然后直接给你。
You are poor people, but you don't deserve to be.
你们是穷人，但你们不配成为穷人。
I've spent some time in this area and seen your pathetic, ramshackle houses resembling so many piles of firewood.
我在这个地区呆过一段时间，看到你们那些可怜的、摇摇欲坠的房子，就像一堆柴火。
These are places I wouldn't use to store a lawnmower, let alone raise a family.
我不会用这些地方来存放割草机，更不用说养家糊口了。
People in our inner-city ghettos are riding around in brand-new Jeeps, yet you walk to church every Sunday lucky just to have shoes on your feet.
我们市中心贫民窟的人们开着全新的吉普车到处走动，而你每个星期天步行去教堂，幸运的是你脚上穿着鞋子。
But it doesn't have to be that way.
但事实并非一定如此。
Here it is, Christmas Day.
今天是圣诞节。
And your children probably woke up to a knee sock full of twice-chewed gum and a doll made out of used Band-Aids.
你的孩子醒来时可能会看到一只装满咀嚼过两次的口香糖的及膝袜和一个用用过的创可贴制成的洋娃娃。
I'm not putting down handmade gifts.
我不会放下手工制作的礼物。
But don't they deserve something better than what you can currently afford to give them?
但他们难道不应该得到比你目前所能给予他们更好的东西吗？
Ladies and gentlemen, this is one year when Santa is definitely coming to town.
女士们先生们，今年圣诞老人肯定会来到小镇。
The question is, do you welcome him with open arms or turn away, much like a certain young woman and her devious brother, to whom money means nothing?
问题是，你是张开双臂欢迎他，还是转身走开，就像某个年轻女子和她狡猾的兄弟一样，金钱对他们来说毫无意义？
You know, flying in early this morning, I thought I might offer each of you a brand new car and $1,000 in cash.
你知道，今天一早飞来时，我想我可以给你们每人一辆全新的汽车和 1,000 美元现金。
Now though, looking out over your kind, sallow faces, I'm thinking of upping that to a brand-new car, factory-fresh side-by-side refrigerator and freezer, and $1,200 in cash.
但现在，看着你们那张和蔼可亲、蜡黄的脸，我正在考虑将其升级为一辆全新的汽车、工厂新鲜的并排冰箱和冰柜，以及 1,200 美元的现金。
Sound good?
听起来不错吗？
That's what I promise to give each and every one of you if you can convince this young woman to help me tell her story.
如果你们能说服这位年轻女子帮助我讲述她的故事，这就是我向你们每一个人承诺的。
Apparently the finer things in life mean nothing to her.
显然，生活中美好的事物对她来说毫无意义。
So be it.
就这样吧。
But is it fair for her to force you, her friends and neighbors, to suffer the same lifestyle?
但她强迫你、她的朋友和邻居承受同样的生活方式，这公平吗？
By refusing to sign my contract and spend an afternoon recounting the facts to me and my top-notch writers, this young woman is ensuring that none of you will ever experience the pleasures that most people-- civilized people-- take for granted.
这位年轻女子拒绝签署我的合同，并花了一个下午的时间向我和我的顶尖作家讲述事实，她确保你们中没有人会体验到大多数人（文明人）认为理所当然的快乐。
She'll be saying, fine.
她会说，好吧。
Let their babies die of malnutrition and staph infection.
让他们的婴儿死于营养不良和葡萄球菌感染。
She lost her son the hard way, and maybe in her mind, you should too.
她痛苦地失去了儿子，也许在她看来，你也应该如此。
Is this the Christmas your holiday dreams come true, or is it the day you discover just how petty and spiteful one person can truly be?
这是你的假期梦想成真的圣诞节，还是你发现一个人到底是多么的小气和恶毒的一天？
If, like her, you're not interested in money, cars and appliances, you could convince her to sign the contract anyway, and then donate your rewards to charity.
如果你像她一样，对金钱、汽车和电器不感兴趣，你可以说服她无论如何签署合同，然后将你的奖励捐给慈善机构。
You'd have a pretty hard time finding people less fortunate than yourselves, but if that's your bag, I'd more than respect it.
你很难找到比你更不幸的人，但如果那是你的包，我会非常尊重它。
Giving is what the holiday season is all about.
给予是假期的意义所在。
I'm just wondering how easy will it be to sleep tonight with your threadbare blankets and Christian ethics, knowing that somewhere outside your plastic-paned window, an old, crippled woman is begging for coins in some glass-filled because you were too wrapped up in yourself to give her a side-by-side refrigerator freezer.
我只是想知道今晚带着你破旧的毯子和基督教道德入睡会有多容易，因为你知道在你的塑料窗外的某个地方，一个残废的老妇人正在玻璃瓶中乞讨硬币，因为你太专注于自己，无法给她一个并排的冰箱冰柜。
Because let me tell you something, not giving is no different than taking.
因为让我告诉你一件事，不给予与索取没有什么不同。
I was going to leave you with that thought, but as long as I'm here, let me add a little something else.
我原本打算把这个想法留给你，但只要我还在这里，就让我补充一点别的东西。
Even if you refuse to reason with this young woman, I will still produce my holiday special.
即使你拒绝和这个年轻女人讲道理，我仍然会制作我的节日特别节目。
This, though, will be my story, requiring the help of no one.
不过，这将是我的故事，不需要任何人的帮助。
it will be about a small group of so-called evangelical Christians so busy rolling on the floor and beating tambourines that they forgot what Christmas really stands for.
故事讲述的是一小群所谓的福音派基督徒，他们忙着在地板上打滚、敲着手鼓，以至于忘记了圣诞节的真正含义。
It won't have an uplifting seasonal message and very well may send 20 million children off to bed thinking that perhaps this God person isn't everything he's cracked up to be, that maybe they're celebrating the birthday of a con artist no different than the stick figures worshipped by the Pygmies or the Muslims.
它不会传达令人振奋的季节性信息，而且很可能会让 2000 万儿童在睡觉前思考，也许这个神人并不像他所吹捧的那样，也许他们正在庆祝一个骗子的生日，这与俾格米人或穆斯林崇拜的简笔人物没有什么不同。
I'd prefer to do a more compelling story of your young friend, but that, ladies and gentlemen, is up to you.
我更愿意为你的年轻朋友写一个更引人入胜的故事，但女士们、先生们，这取决于你们。
Do the catering trucks roll into town next week loaded down with cola and mouth-watering pasta salad, free of charge to any shabbily-dressed church member who wants to earn good money as an extra?
下周，餐车是否会满载可乐和令人垂涎欲滴的意大利面沙拉驶入城镇，免费向任何穿着破旧的教会成员免费提供额外收入？
Or do we film an uglier version of this story on some faraway sound stage.
或者我们是否在某个遥远的摄影棚拍摄这个故事的更丑陋的版本。
One year from today, will you be seated on a nice, new sofa, watching as this young woman's heart-wrenching miracle is brought to life on your wide-screen TV?
一年后的今天，您会坐在一张漂亮的新沙发上，看着这位年轻女子令人心碎的奇迹在您的宽屏电视上栩栩如生吗？
Or will you be picking the thorns out from between your toes and wondering where you went wrong?
或者你会从脚趾间拔出刺，然后想知道哪里出了问题？
All I'm asking for is a few details.
我所要求的只是一些细节。
There are little things, details, but they can make all the difference in the world when it comes to fulfilling a dream.
虽然有些小事、细节，但在实现梦想时，它们可以使世界变得不同。
Maybe while you're thinking, you can entertain a few detailed dreams of your own.
也许当你思考的时候，你可以考虑一些自己的详细梦想。
I want you to imagine yourself leaning back against the warm, fragrant upholstery of a brand-new automobile.
我想让你想象一下自己靠在一辆全新汽车温暖、芬芳的内饰上。
Your healthy children are still fighting over who got to ride in the front seat, but you don't allow that to bother you.
您健康的孩子仍在争夺谁可以坐在前排，但您不会让这困扰您。
In time, they'll return their attention to the bounty of toys lying at their feet.
随着时间的推移，他们会把注意力重新集中到脚边的大量玩具上。
Back at the house, the ice cubes are eagerly awaiting the kiss of a finely aged bourbon.
回到家里，冰块正热切地等待着陈年波本威士忌的亲吻。
And there's still enough money in your wallet to make your neighbors jealous.
而且你的钱包里还有足够的钱让你的邻居嫉妒。
It's Christmas Day, and all is right with the world.
今天是圣诞节，世界一切都好。
Matt Malloy.
马特·马洛伊。
Credits Ira Glass Well, our program was produced today by Julie Snyder, Jennifer Ferro, and myself, with Nancy Updike and Alix Spiegel, senior editor Paul Tough, contributing editors Jack Hitt, Margy Rochlin, and consigliere Sarah Vowell.
感谢 Ira Glass 嗯，今天我们的节目由 Julie Snyder、Jennifer Ferro 和我自己制作，还有 Nancy Updike 和 Alix Spiegel、高级编辑 Paul Tough、特约编辑 Jack Hitt、Margy Rochlin 和顾问 Sarah Vowell。
Production help from Rachel Howard and Alex Blumberg.
雷切尔·霍华德 (Rachel Howard) 和亚历克斯·布隆伯格 (Alex Blumberg) 为制作提供帮助。
Working sound and lights and stage here at the Wadsworth Theatre in Los Angeles, Bob Carlson running sound [?
在洛杉矶沃兹沃斯剧院工作声音、灯光和舞台，鲍勃·卡尔森运行声音[？
with Keith Endo, ?] [?
与基思远藤，？] [？
Jessica Wodinksy, ?] [?
杰西卡·沃丁克西，？] [？
Eileen Cooley, ?] David [?
艾琳·库利，？] 大卫 [？
Muller, ?] [?
穆勒，？] [？
Anail Duwan.
阿尼尔·杜万。
?]
？]
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] If you would like to buy a cassette of this or any of our programs, call us at WBEZ in Chicago.
[鸣谢] 如果您想购买本节目或我们任何节目的磁带，请致电芝加哥的 WBEZ。
Phone number there, 312-832-3380.
那里的电话号码是 312-832-3380。
Again, 312-832-3380.
再次拨打 312-832-3380。
Our email address, [email protected] .
我们的电子邮件地址，[电子邮件受保护]。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Merry Christmas.
圣诞快乐。
Happy Hanukkah.
光明节快乐。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life .
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
[FUNDING CREDITS] Announcer PRI.
[资金来源] 播音员 PRI。
Public Radio International.
国际公共广播电台。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。