861: Group Chat - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #861 | May 30, 2025 861: Group Chat Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 861 集 | 2025 年 5 月 30 日 861：群聊 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作，旨在让人们听到。
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如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Chana Joffe-Walt From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
序言：序言 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的 Chana Joffe-Walt，这就是《美国生活》。
I'm Chana Joffe-Walt, sitting in for Ira Glass.
我是查娜·乔夫-沃尔特 (Chana Joffe-Walt)，代理艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass)。
Family group chat, created May 19, 2023, two years ago, before.
家庭群聊，创建于 2023 年 5 月 19 日，即两年前。
Yousef Hammash-- "Send this link to Aseel, Salsabil, and Heba so they can enter the group." Manal-- "We are all gathered together.
Yousef Hammash--“将此链接发送给 Aseel、Salsabil 和 Heba，以便他们可以加入该群组。”玛娜尔——“我们都聚集在一起。
What a blessing." Heart emoji.
多么幸运啊。”心形表情符号。
"I don't have Hasan or Ahmed.
“我没有哈桑或艾哈迈德。
Yousef must add them." "I sent the link above, you idiots, so you can send it to them." Yousef reshares link.
尤瑟夫必须添加它们。” “我把上面的链接发给你们了，你们这些白痴，所以你们可以把它发给他们。”尤瑟夫转发链接。
"Send them the link." "I sent it."
“把链接发给他们。” “我送了。”
Manal-- "We want to go out tomorrow, to the beach." "OK, why is the group called the shitty family?" "Yeah.
Manal——“我们明天想出去，去海滩。” “好吧，为什么这个团体叫渣男家族？” “是的。
Who's the son of a gun who names the group?" Laughing emoji.
谁是为这个组织命名的枪之子？”笑的表情符号。
"Please.
“拜托。
Isn't this Yousef's doing?" "It's Yousef." "I did it for your sake, sister." "God bless you, pride of the Arabs."
这不是尤瑟夫干的吗？” “是尤瑟夫。” “我是为了你才这么做的，姐姐。” “上帝保佑你，阿拉伯人的骄傲。”
"Manal wants to invite us to the beach, Hadeel." "I want to take you to the beach." "When?" "We're thinking either tomorrow or Monday." "I will let my children go.
“玛纳尔想邀请我们去海滩，哈迪尔。” “我想带你去海滩。” “什么时候？” “我们正在考虑明天或周一。” “我会让我的孩子们走。
But what day?" "We're thinking Monday." "We need a watermelon.
但哪一天？” “我们正在考虑周一。” “我们需要一个西瓜。
That's the most important thing." "You're making conditions as well?" "The watermelon is more important than you." "I'm being mocked." Yousef-- "Whoever wants to go with us, like this message.
这是最重要的事情。” “你也提出条件？” “西瓜比你还重要。” “我被嘲笑了。”尤瑟夫——“谁想和我们一起去，就喜欢这条信息。
I will set up a time later." "Where?" "To the beach." "But what day?" "Tomorrow." Clown face.
我稍后会安排时间。” “在哪里？” “去海滩。” “但是哪一天呢？” “明天。”小丑脸。
Yousef, who started this group chat for his family, he's been on our show before, Yousef Hammash.
优素福为他的家人发起了这个群聊，他以前参加过我们的节目，优素福·哈马什。
He was a humanitarian aid worker in Gaza, grew up there, lived there his whole life.
他是加沙的一名人道主义援助工作者，在那里长大，在那里度过了一生。
He started this group chat with his family months before the war, before October 7, when Hamas attacked Southern Israel.
战前几个月，也就是 10 月 7 日哈马斯袭击以色列南部之前，他就开始与家人进行这个群聊。
After that, Yousef became responsible for moving his whole family-- his four sisters, their extended families-- from one place to another, trying to escape Israel's bombing.
此后，尤瑟夫开始负责将他的全家——他的四个姐妹，以及她们的大家庭——从一个地方搬到另一个地方，试图逃离以色列的轰炸。
After six months of displacement and near-death experiences and worrying for his children, Yousef did something he thought he'd never do-- he left Gaza.
经过六个月的流离失所、濒临死亡的经历以及对孩子的担忧，优素福做了一件他认为自己永远不会做的事情——离开加沙。
This was last spring.
这是去年春天的事了。
He went with his wife, mother, and his kids to Egypt.
他与妻子、母亲和孩子们一起去了埃及。
His sisters decided to stay behind.
他的姐妹们决定留下来。
And since that time, almost no one has been able to leave Gaza.
从那时起，几乎没有人能够离开加沙。
That was a little more than a year ago.
那是一年多前的事了。
The group chat is still going.
群聊还在继续。
What are they talking about in the WhatsApp group?
他们在 WhatsApp 群组中谈论什么？
I don't know.
我不知道。
Daily life, complaining, or making fun.
日常生活中，或抱怨，或取笑。
Uh-huh.
嗯嗯。
Yousef Hammash Sending-- I don't know.
Yousef Hammash 正在发送——我不知道。
Sometimes it's jokes.
有时候也是开玩笑。
Sometimes they're crying.
有时他们会哭。
It depends.
这取决于。
Voice, text, photos, everything.
声音、文字、照片，应有尽有。
OK.
好的。
Yousef Hammash --this is like the refuge for them, where they go.
优素福·哈马什——这就像他们的避难所，他们去的地方。
And more, the sisters are talking.
还有更多，姐妹们正在谈论。
And my mother-- and we just observe.
还有我的母亲——我们只是观察。
"We," meaning the people who are outside Gaza now-- Yousef, his wife, his kids, and his mom.
“我们”指的是现在在加沙之外的人——尤瑟夫、他的妻子、他的孩子和他的妈妈。
Inside Gaza, the sisters make plans, talk about who they ran into that day, share pictures of their kids, of bombings.
在加沙，姐妹俩制定计划，谈论那天遇到的人，分享孩子的照片和爆炸的照片。
They send voice memos to each other to share news and cheer each other up.
他们互相发送语音备忘录来分享新闻并互相鼓励。
Hadeel, my sister is feeling down.
哈迪尔，我妹妹情绪低落。
Come here, Hadeel.
到这里来，哈迪尔。
Let's go out.
我们出去吧。
Let's go somewhere.
我们去某个地方吧。
I'm buying.
我正在买。
I have Ahmed's money.
我有艾哈迈德的钱。
My sister is feeling low, so let's do something fun.
我姐姐情绪低落，所以让我们做点有趣的事情吧。
In the year-plus since Yousef has left, the sisters have all moved again.
尤瑟夫离开一年多来，姐妹们又搬家了。
They're not all together anymore.
他们不再在一起了。
And they keep moving.
他们继续前进。
They've survived airstrikes, illnesses, months with no food at all coming in.
他们经历了空袭、疾病、数月没有食物的情况，幸存下来。
And they keep checking in, here, in the chat.
他们不断在聊天中查看。
Yousef, the problem-solver in the family, the "don't worry, I'll take care of it" guy, he keeps trying to figure out how to solve the same problems over and over.
尤瑟夫是家里的问题解决者，“别担心，我会解决的”，他不断地一遍又一遍地想办法解决同样的问题。
When his sister, Aseel, texts, "If I clean, I get dizzy.
当他的妹妹阿塞尔发短信说：“如果我打扫卫生，我就会头晕。
If I cook, I get dizzy.
如果我做饭，我就会头晕。
There's no edible food.
没有可以吃的食物。
It's worse than you can imagine," Yousef replies, "Buy anything."
这比你想象的还要糟糕，”尤瑟夫回答道，“买任何东西。”
Aseel-- "Don't worry about me, love.
Aseel——“别担心我，亲爱的。
All is OK." Then they go back and forth.
一切都好。”然后他们来回走动。
Aseel-- "1 kilo of rice is 35." Yousef-- "No problem.
Aseel--“1公斤大米是35公斤。”尤瑟夫——“没问题。
I'll pay." Aseel-- "A kilo of flour is 50." Yousef-- "Whatever the price." Aseel-- "The issue is not the price.
我来付钱。” Aseel--“一公斤面粉是 50。”尤瑟夫——“无论付出什么代价。” Aseel——“问题不是价格。
It's the cash." Yousef-- "I don't know what one can do." Aseel-- "The situation has become very bad." Yousef-- "The problem is, I can't do anything."
这是现金。”尤瑟夫——“我不知道能做什么。” Aseel--“情况已经变得非常糟糕了。”尤瑟夫——“问题是，我无能为力。”
You can't find food even if you have money.
即使你有钱也找不到食物。
Exactly.
确切地。
And if it's available, it's very, very expensive.
如果可以的话，价格也非常非常昂贵。
But mostly, you cannot find it.
但大多数情况下，你找不到它。
What's it like for you to talk to Aseel?
您与 Aseel 交谈感觉如何？
Yeah, I was talking to her today.
是的，我今天正在和她说话。
But it's just actually-- I feel useless.
但实际上——我觉得自己很没用。
Her daughter is crying, which-- a year old.
她的女儿在哭，那是——一岁了。
She's crying because there is no bread.
她因为没有面包而哭泣。
There is nothing she can feed her.
没有什么可以给她吃的。
Even all what I can do, being outside now, all what I can do is send money or just secure money.
即使我现在在外面，我所能做的就是寄钱或只是获取资金。
But it's not enough anymore.
但这还不够。
Yousef spent the first six months of the war experiencing everything his family is experiencing together.
优素福在战争的前六个月里经历了他的家人一起经历的一切。
And when he left, it felt inconceivable that it could go on this way, this much longer.
当他离开时，我感觉不可思议，事情还能这样持续这么久。
But it has.
但确实如此。
His phone keeps getting new messages.
他的手机不断收到新消息。
And he keeps reassuring and responding and arranging and trying to provide comfort.
他不断地安抚、回应、安排并试图提供安慰。
And then, these last few weeks, being unable anymore, even with all his skills and connections, to get money, cash into his sister's hands, hearing how their children are not eating, something changed for Yousef.
然后，在过去的几周里，即使他拥有所有的技能和关系，他也无法再把钱、现金送到他姐姐手中，听到他们的孩子不吃饭的消息，对尤瑟夫来说，事情发生了变化。
He felt literally dumbstruck.
他感觉自己完全傻眼了。
Even words are not helpful anymore because they are finished.
即使言语也不再有帮助，因为它们已经结束了。
And I used all the words.
我用了所有的词。
And I think I need to start to find other languages.
我想我需要开始寻找其他语言。
But I hope it's going to be fine.
但我希望一切都会好起来。
It's going to be a matter of days, hopefully.
希望这将是几天的事情。
All what I can do is just to be supportive.
我能做的就是支持。
It's useless anymore.
已经没用了
Just even saying them became something stupid.
甚至只是说出来都变得愚蠢了。
I don't know what to say, to be honest.
老实说，我不知道该说什么。
And OK, in Arabic language, we have [SPEAKING ARABIC] any other God against them.
好吧，用阿拉伯语来说，我们有[说阿拉伯语]任何其他上帝反对他们。
All these words became useless.
所有这些话都变得毫无用处。
Even these words that we were using all of our life to calm each other became meaningless because even using it became unfair.
即使是我们用一生来安抚彼此的这些话也变得毫无意义，因为即使使用它也变得不公平。
It's really painful when you communicate with anyone from Gaza.
当你与加沙的任何人交流时真的很痛苦。
It's really, really painful.
真的非常非常痛苦。
Otherwise, I wouldn't stay sane.
不然我就不会保持理智了。
I would lose my mind.
我会失去理智的。
Leaving Gaza made Yousef the newest member of a well-established club.
离开加沙使尤瑟夫成为一个老牌俱乐部的最新成员。
There are about 5 million Palestinians living inside the West Bank in Gaza.
大约有500万巴勒斯坦人居住在加沙西岸地区。
And the rest, about 9 million Palestinians live all over the world, people who are trying to maintain family and connections across countries and time zones and bad cell connections.
其余的大约 900 万巴勒斯坦人生活在世界各地，他们试图维持跨国家、跨时区的家庭和联系，但手机连接却很差。
Today's show is about those conversations, inside one family and between friends, colleagues.
今天的节目是关于家庭内部以及朋友、同事之间的对话。
Yousef's family agreed to share all the messages they sent back and forth to each other over years.
尤瑟夫的家人同意分享他们多年来相互发送的所有信息。
We got them translated-- all the late night musings and updates and petty resentments and serious resentments and jokes and plans and fears, intimate moments, where you can see how these conversations and relationships change over time.
我们把它们翻译了——所有深夜的沉思和更新、琐碎的怨恨和严重的怨恨、笑话、计划和恐惧、亲密的时刻，在那里你可以看到这些对话和关系如何随着时间的推移而变化。
How do you keep being a family?
怎样才能维持一家人的关系呢？
And we hear from other people on the outside and others inside, figuring out what to say and what to keep secret.
我们听取外部和内部其他人的意见，弄清楚该说什么、该保密什么。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
Act One, I'm Fine.
第一幕，我很好。
Don't Worry.
不用担心。
Within any family, there's the group chat, and there's the side chat.
在任何家庭中，都有群聊，也有私聊。
The person Yousef is always checking in with most is his youngest sister in Gaza, Aseel.
尤瑟夫最常联系的人是他在加沙的最小的妹妹阿塞尔。
June 2024, Yousef to Aseel-- "Yo, my sister, please confirm you're well." Aseel-- "I feel like I haven't seen you since the last century." The thing Yousef says more than anything else in these chats is, "Please confirm you're well." The thing Aseel says most?
2024 年 6 月，Yousef 对 Aseel ——“哟，我的妹妹，请确认你一切都好。” Aseel——“我感觉自从上个世纪以来我就没有见过你了。”优素福在这些聊天中说得最多的一句话是：“请确认你身体状况良好。”阿塞尔说得最多的话是什么？
"I'm fine.
“我很好。
Don't worry."
别担心。”
Yousef says Aseel is the one in the family who's the most like him, practical, can-do, unfazed, also stubborn.
尤瑟夫说，阿塞尔是家里最像他的人，务实、能干、泰然自若，而且很固执。
Aseel is 10 years younger than Yousef.
阿塞尔比尤瑟夫小10岁。
She's a nurse.
她是一名护士。
She wants to know things and do things.
她想要了解事情并做事情。
She's young, but she's expert.
她很年轻，但她是专家。
Usually, Aseel is the most-- between my sister, I look to Aseel as the most wise.
通常，Aseel 是最聪明的——在我的姐妹中，我认为 Aseel 是最明智的。
She looks to him the same way.
她也以同样的方式看着他。
She trusts him.
她信任他。
When Aseel was trying to figure out the safest place to give birth to her first child in a war zone, the person she planned it out with was Yousef.
当阿塞尔试图找出在战区最安全的地方生下她的第一个孩子时，与她一起计划的人是尤瑟夫。
When she needs advice on anything, Yousef.
当她需要任何建议时，尤瑟夫。
In the beginning of their WhatsApp chat after he left Gaza, you can see Yousef trying to set the terms of their new situation.
在他离开加沙后，在他们的 WhatsApp 聊天开始时，你可以看到优素福试图为他们的新情况制定条款。
His point over and over-- the important things have not changed.
他的观点一遍又一遍——重要的事情没有改变。
I'll call every day.
我会每天打电话。
Anything you need, I'm here.
你需要什么，我就在这里。
Yousef-- "If you want anything, whatever it is, do not hesitate."
尤瑟夫——“如果你想要什么，无论是什么，不要犹豫。”
Aseel jokes, "After all, everything is cheap." Yousef-- "Live and spend." Aseel-- "My dear brother, I swear I want nothing but to see you.
阿瑟尔开玩笑说：“毕竟，一切都很便宜。”尤瑟夫——“生活和消费。” Aseel——“我亲爱的兄弟，我发誓我只想见到你。
I swear I don't need anything." Yousef-- "This is my duty, my sister.
我发誓我不需要任何东西。”尤瑟夫——“这是我的职责，我的妹妹。
Just take care of yourself." Aseel responds with a voice memo-- her and her baby, Seela.
照顾好自己就好。”阿塞尔用语音备忘录回应——她和她的孩子西拉。
[ASEEL SPEAKING GIBBERISH, SEELA GIGGLING]
[ASEEL 胡言乱语，SEELA 咯咯笑]
24 hours later, Yousef, seemingly concerned that he didn't get his point across, writes, "The most important thing is that you do not lack anything.
24 小时后，尤瑟夫似乎担心自己没有表达自己的观点，他写道：“最重要的是你不缺乏任何东西。
Buy whatever you want."
你想要什么就买什么。”
Relationships shift all the time, sometimes suddenly, but the long, slow changes, they can be just as dramatic.
人际关系一直在变化，有时是突然的，但长期、缓慢的变化也可能同样引人注目。
Yousef and Aseel lived within walking distance their whole lives.
Yousef 和 Aseel 一生都住在步行距离之内。
They saw each other in person all the time.
他们一直亲自见面。
They shared life, a landscape.
他们共享生活，共享风景。
And right away, within a week of leaving Gaza, Yousef realized how much information he gathered just by being there, seeing Aseel face to face, seeing what she needed.
离开加沙后不到一周，尤瑟夫就意识到，他仅仅在那里，与阿塞尔面对面，了解她需要什么，就收集了多少信息。
When he wasn't there, he understood, oh, Aseel isn't great at asking for things.
当他不在场时，他明白了，哦，阿塞尔不擅长索取东西。
It's something I really like about her, how decent she is, and she will never ask for anything.
我真的很喜欢她，她很正派，而且她永远不会要求任何东西。
But at the same time, I'm not there to understand her needs anymore.
但与此同时，我不再去了解她的需求。
And my other sister called me.
我的另一个姐姐打电话给我。
She lost her phone.
她丢了手机。
And she's like, OK, buy me a phone.
她说，好吧，给我买一部手机。
Send it to anyone to Gaza.
将其发送给任何前往加沙的人。
Yeah, OK, I'll do it.
是的，好的，我会做的。
Aseel will never do that.
阿塞尔永远不会这么做。
And that's my issue with her.
这就是我和她之间的问题。
So every time Aseel says, I'm fine, Yousef has to guess what he can do to help.
所以每次阿塞尔说“我很好”时，尤瑟夫都必须猜测他能提供什么帮助。
Four months after he left Gaza, Yousef was reading and hearing about bombing.
离开加沙四个月后，优素福开始阅读和听说有关爆炸的事情。
Increasingly, the bombing was where she was living.
轰炸越来越多地发生在她居住的地方。
The other sisters were moving.
其他姐妹也在动。
Yousef figured Aseel would, too, and made a plan for her to move to a safer area called Al Mawasi, just like he always did.
尤瑟夫认为阿塞尔也会这么做，并为她制定了一个计划，让她搬到一个名为阿尔马瓦西的更安全的地区，就像他一直做的那样。
He would pay for it, of course.
当然，他会为此付出代价。
Yousef to Aseel-- "There's a furnished apartment in this project, $1,000 per month." Aseel-- "Oh, my God, it's a lot.
Yousef 对 Aseel 说道：“这个项目有一套带家具的公寓，每月 1,000 美元。” Aseel——“天啊，太多了。
I don't know if the war will go on longer or not.
不知道战争会不会持续更久。
The amount of money is a lot." Yousef-- "Call her.
金额不少啊。”尤瑟夫——“给她打电话。
You will love it." The next day, Yousef-- "Have you seen the apartment?
你一定会喜欢它的。”第二天，尤瑟夫——“你看到那套公寓了吗？
It's a good place." Aseel-- "It's forbidden to be extravagant.
这是个好地方。”阿塞尔——“奢侈是被禁止的。
I didn't go, no."
我没去，没有。”
Four hours later, Aseel-- "It's really nice, honestly.
四小时后，Aseel——“说实话，这真的很棒。
But it's expensive." Yousef-- "Is it a suitable place??" Double question mark.
但它很贵。” Yousef——“这个地方合适吗？”双问号。
Aseel-- "I'm fine now.
阿塞尔——“我现在很好。
If there's an evacuation, I will leave." She did not move to the apartment.
如果需要疏散，我就会离开。”她没有搬到公寓。
Money was becoming an issue between them in a new way.
金钱以一种新的方式成为他们之间的问题。
Yousef had always supported a lot of people in the family, but after he left Gaza, he started doing it through Aseel.
优素福一直支持家里很多人，但在他离开加沙后，他开始通过 Aseel 来支持。
She'd tell Yousef who among their family and friends in Gaza needed help.
她会告诉尤瑟夫，他们在加沙的家人和朋友中有谁需要帮助。
Here's how much.
这是多少钱。
Here's a list.
这是一个清单。
He'd coordinate with her to get the money to them.
他会与她协调，把钱交给他们。
Aseel to Yousef-- "Everyone thinks I'm the finance ministry." Yousef-- "Let them think that."
阿塞尔对尤瑟夫——“每个人都认为我是财政部长。”尤瑟夫——“让他们这么想吧。”
This meant, now, Aseel knew how much money Yousef was giving out, how many people he was supporting in Gaza, not to mention trying to find a place for his family on the outside.
这意味着，现在，阿塞尔知道尤瑟夫捐出了多少钱，他在加沙支持了多少人，更不用说试图在外面为他的家人找到一个住处了。
Aseel didn't want to add to the burden.
阿塞尔不想增加负担。
Aseel-- "Don't worry about me, love.
Aseel——“别担心我，亲爱的。
You're going to have travel expenses and expenses that will destroy even mountains.
你将会有旅行费用和甚至会摧毁山脉的费用。
Don't send me money until you guys get settled and organize your matters." Yousef-- "Don't worry.
在你们安顿下来并处理好你们的事情之前，不要给我寄钱。”尤瑟夫——“别担心。
Your brother is strong as a whale."
你的兄弟像鲸鱼一样强壮。”
As the months passed, Aseel continued to lean on Yousef for some things, but she also quietly started trying to manage more things on her own.
几个月过去了，阿塞尔在一些事情上继续依赖尤瑟夫，但她也开始悄悄地尝试自己处理更多的事情。
In August, a few months after Yousef left, Aseel's baby was suffering from a terrible rash.
八月份，也就是尤瑟夫离开几个月后，阿塞尔的孩子患上了严重的皮疹。
She couldn't figure out how to treat it.
她不知道该如何治疗。
She couldn't find the cream she needed.
她找不到她需要的奶油。
Aseel sent me pictures to see if I had any ideas.
Aseel 给我发了照片，看看我是否有什么想法。
But she didn't tell Yousef, even though Yousef knows all sorts of medical people in Gaza.
但她没有告诉尤瑟夫，尽管尤瑟夫认识加沙各种各样的医务人员。
No, but it's just one thing that I'm hiding.
不，但这只是我隐瞒的一件事。
No, there's a new disease that has spread targeting children, which is-- I don't know-- an allergy.
不，有一种新的疾病正在针对儿童传播，我不知道这是一种过敏症。
It's a skin rash or something like that.
这是皮疹或类似的东西。
So I don't know how to treat her.
所以我不知道该如何对待她。
And every time I use something, it spreads even more.
每次我使用某种东西，它就会传播得更多。
Why wouldn't you tell him about the skin problem?
你为什么不告诉他皮肤问题呢？
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter Because he would be upset.
[非英语演讲] 翻译 因为他会感到不安。
In reality, they're not here, so he won't know what to do.
事实上，他们不在这里，所以他不知道该怎么办。
He'll feel like it's his dereliction of duty.
他会觉得这是他的失职。
Like, he could have done something.
就像，他本可以做点什么。
I don't want him to feel that way.
我不想让他有这样的感觉。
But couldn't Yousef help you get access to the medicine?
但尤瑟夫不能帮助你获得药物吗？
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter Yes, but he'll send his friends to look.
[非英语演讲] 翻译 是的，但他会派他的朋友去看。
And in reality, I looked a lot, and I couldn't find anything.
事实上，我找了很多，但什么也没找到。
So I don't know what the solution is.
所以我不知道解决方案是什么。
[SIGHS] I don't want them to be worried over there because I can solve this.
[叹气]我不想让他们在那里担心，因为我可以解决这个问题。
As long as I can solve this, there's no need to let them worry, and no need to tell them.
只要我能解决这个问题，就不需要让他们担心，也不需要告诉他们。
Keeping things from each other-- this became a bigger part of their relationship.
互相保密——这成为他们关系中更重要的一部分。
Yousef was traveling around-- Egypt, England-- trying to get asylum somewhere in the world.
尤瑟夫正在世界各地旅行——埃及、英国——试图在世界某个地方获得庇护。
He told Aseel about some of it, and he edited out stuff that would be too sharp a contrast to Aseel's life.
他向阿塞尔讲述了其中的一些内容，并删除了与阿塞尔生活形成鲜明对比的内容。
He'd share a selfie from the train, but he would not tell her about taking the kids to see the pyramids, the Nile.
他会分享一张在火车上的自拍照，但他不会告诉她带孩子们去看金字塔、尼罗河的事。
He'd gleefully tell her he's near where David Beckham lives, but he wouldn't mention the restaurant he went to that day.
他会高兴地告诉她他就在大卫·贝克汉姆住的地方附近，但他不会提及他那天去了哪家餐厅。
Aseel knew he was keeping stuff from her, and in the texts, she's constantly nudging him to send her pictures and updates.
阿塞尔知道他对她隐瞒了一些事情，在短信中，她不断催促他给她发送照片和最新动态。
And when he does share something, she responds quickly with hearts and says things like, "I am happy just seeing your pictures.
当他分享一些东西时，她会迅速做出真诚的回应，并说：“我很高兴看到你的照片。
It's amazing, bro."
真是太神奇了，兄弟。”
Yousef sends a picture of himself on a bike in London.
尤瑟夫发送了一张自己在伦敦骑自行车的照片。
Aseel-- "Wow." Smiley face.
阿瑟尔——“哇。”笑脸。
"It's amazing-- and an athlete." Smiley face, heart.
“这太棒了——而且还是一名运动员。”笑脸，心。
Another time, a selfie of Yousef in Cairo.
另一次，优素福在开罗的自拍照。
Aseel-- "Advice for you--" smiley face, heart, "--this haircut looks good on you."
阿瑟尔——“给你的建议——”笑脸、心形、“——这个发型很适合你。”
Aseel had pushed Yousef to leave Gaza.
阿塞尔敦促尤瑟夫离开加沙。
She considered going with him, but the cost was enormous, more than Yousef could cover.
她考虑过和他一起去，但代价是巨大的，超出了优素福的承受能力。
And she didn't want to leave her in-laws and extended family behind in Gaza.
她不想把她的姻亲和大家庭留在加沙。
She's genuinely very happy for Yousef, but there's also a new, unfamiliar feeling.
她真的为尤瑟夫感到高兴，但也有一种新的、陌生的感觉。
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter Whenever something happens that upsets me, I blame him for not being here.
[非英语演讲] 翻译 每当发生让我心烦意乱的事情时，我都会责怪他不在场。
I don't say that to him, but internally, I blame him.
我没有对他这么说，但我内心却责怪他。
You were not supposed to leave.
你不应该离开。
You were supposed to stay here.
你本来应该留在这里的。
It's like a psychological war between me and myself.
这就像我和我自己之间的一场心理战。
Yousef knows it without her saying it because he feels it, too.
不用她说出来，优素福就知道这一点，因为他也感觉到了。
Always, I keep saying, I should have taken my sisters out with me.
我总是说，我应该带我的姐妹们一起出去。
I shouldn't have listened to any objections.
我不应该听取任何反对意见。
Despite that they couldn't do it, they have their children, I should have tried more.
尽管他们做不到，但他们有他们的孩子，我应该更努力。
I was--
我当时——
How often are you thinking about that, Yousef?
尤瑟夫，你多久思考一次这个问题？
Whenever I have a call with any of them.
每当我与他们中的任何一个打电话时。
Every time you talk to them?
每次和他们说话？
Yousef Hammash Whenever something happens, the first thing that came to my head-- I should have taken everyone.
每当有事情发生时，我脑子里第一个想到的就是——我应该带走所有人。
One of the reasons Aseel didn't leave Gaza with Yousef is she thought the war would end soon.
阿塞尔没有和尤瑟夫一起离开加沙的原因之一是她认为战争很快就会结束。
Another reason-- she wanted to go home, to the north, where her house is, in Jabalia.
另一个原因——她想回家，回到北方的贾巴利亚，她的家就在那里。
She wanted to raise her daughter at home.
她想在家抚养女儿。
She thought about it every day.
她每天都在想这个问题。
She was waiting and waiting for the Israeli military to allow residents of the north to return.
她一直在等待以色列军方允许北部居民返回。
These months and months of text messages really convey just how long she was stuck.
这几个月的短信确实说明了她被困了多久。
You can see Aseel getting ground down over time.
你可以看到 Aseel 随着时间的推移逐渐衰落。
There's no electricity, no clean water.
没有电，没有干净的水。
She keeps getting sick.
她总是生病。
There's bombings and drones and just uncertainty, endless uncertainty.
有爆炸和无人机，还有不确定性，无尽的不确定性。
September 2024, Aseel-- "Oh, by God, we are tired.
2024 年 9 月，Aseel——“哦，上帝啊，我们累了。
I wish I had listened to you and gone with you." October, Aseel-- "Officially, I swear to God that I cannot bear the situation at all."
我希望我当时听了你的话并和你一起走。”十月，Aseel——“我正式向上帝发誓，我根本无法忍受这种情况。”
November, Aseel-- "Seela has malnutrition." Yousef-- "Oh, my God.
十一月，Aseel——“Seela 营养不良。”尤瑟夫——“哦，我的上帝。
What did the doctor tell you?" Aseel-- "She told me she has malnutrition, and she's very underweight and needs vitamins.
医生告诉你什么了？”阿塞尔——“她告诉我她营养不良，体重非常轻，需要维生素。
I don't know what to feed her.
我不知道该给她吃什么。
I didn't feed her canned food because I was afraid she'd get sick.
我没有给她吃罐头食品，因为我怕她生病。
Today is the first time I regret giving birth." Yousef-- "May God help you, sister." January 2025, voice memo from Aseel to the group chat.
今天是我第一次后悔生孩子。”尤瑟夫——“愿上帝帮助你，姐妹。” 2025 年 1 月，Aseel 向群聊发送语音备忘录。
Oh, I forgot to say, Happy New Year.
哦，我忘了说，新年快乐。
I hope that next year-- no, no, this year-- yes, this year, we see you all.
我希望明年——不，不，今年——是的，今年，我们见到你们大家。
I hope you'll be looking forward to seeing us.
我希望您会期待见到我们。
And we'll be looking forward to seeing you.
我们期待见到您。
And Happy New Year.
新年快乐。
That's it.
就是这样。
Then, January 15, some news.
然后，1 月 15 日，一些消息。
Hammash family group chat, Aseel-- "The president of Qatar wants to announce a ceasefire soon." "Oh, God." "Get excited, guys." "The war is over." "It's a truce.
哈马什家庭群聊，Aseel——“卡塔尔总统希望尽快宣布停火。” “噢，上帝啊。” “兴奋起来，伙计们。” “战争结束了。” “这是休战。
It's a truce.
这是休战。
It's over." "Oh, God, a truce." "Thank God."
结束了。” “噢，上帝，休战吧。” “感谢上帝。”
The moment Israel and Hamas agreed to a ceasefire last January, Aseel began planning her return to the north, to her house.
去年一月，以色列和哈马斯同意停火后，阿塞尔就开始计划返回北部的家。
It was time, the thing she'd been waiting for.
时间到了，她一直在等待的事情到了。
But Yousef was against it.
但尤瑟夫反对。
Yousef to Aseel-- "In my opinion, sister, you should stay where you are.
Yousef 对 Aseel 说道：“在我看来，姐妹，你应该待在原地。
It's early, my sister.
还早呢，姐姐。
And I hear strange things in the north."
我在北方听到了奇怪的事情。”
Aseel-- "But I'm tired.
阿塞尔——“但是我累了。
How long will we continue like this?" Yousef-- "One by one, everything will be solved." Aseel-- "But man, the house is important." Yousef-- "Leave it to me.
我们这样还要持续多久？”尤瑟夫——“一一解决，一切都会解决。” Aseel——“但是老兄，房子很重要。”尤瑟夫——“交给我吧。
The war just stopped yesterday." Their other sisters were fine to wait and see, but Aseel kept pressing to go north.
战争昨天刚刚结束。”她们的其他姐妹都愿意观望，但阿塞尔却一直催促着向北走。
Yousef had access to satellite images, and his assessment was if Aseel went north, she'd find that she had no house anymore.
尤瑟夫可以获得卫星图像，他的评估是，如果阿塞尔向北走，她会发现自己再也没有房子了。
I don't think any house in that area is still standing.
我认为那个地区没有任何房子还矗立着。
I'm trying not to be negative with everyone.
我尽量不对每个人都持消极态度。
Like, no, everything is leveled.
就像，不，一切都被平整了。
But I know it's not there.
但我知道它不在那里。
So--
所以——
You know for sure?
你确定知道吗？
Yousef Hammash The area where they live, it's not far from Kamal Adwan Hospital in the northern part of Gaza.
优素福·哈马什（Yousef Hammash）他们居住的地区，距离加沙北部的卡迈勒阿德万医院不远。
And then recently, this military campaign was mainly in that area.
然后最近，这次军事行动主要是在那个地区。
And all of that area was leveled.
所有的区域都被夷为平地。
And honestly, for the northern part of Gaza, where I am from and all my relatives, it's impossible that any house still standing there.
老实说，对于我和我所有亲戚的加沙北部地区来说，不可能有任何房子还矗立在那里。
Yousef and Aseel's texts about this went on for weeks.
优素福和阿塞尔持续发了数周关于此事的短信。
Their back and forth reads like Yousef is still that older brother who's in control.
他们的来来回回看起来就像尤瑟夫仍然是那个掌控一切的哥哥。
But one of the things Aseel is not telling him, she and her husband, Ahmed, have already begun moving their things north.
但阿塞尔没有告诉他的一件事是，她和她的丈夫艾哈迈德已经开始把他们的东西搬到北方。
Yousef thinks he's still in a position to grant permission.
尤瑟夫认为他仍然可以授予许可。
Aseel tells him, it's already done.
阿塞尔告诉他，事情已经完成了。
Yousef to Aseel-- "You can go for two days and try it, but try not to move your things." Aseel-- "Ahmed transferred 90% of them." Smiley face.
Yousef对Aseel——“你可以去两天试试，但尽量不要动你的东西。” Aseel——“艾哈迈德转移了其中的 90%。”笑脸。
She was already there.
她已经在那里了。
I came back because I know I belong to this place.
我回来是因为我知道我属于这个地方。
I wanted to come back.
我想回来。
I want to fix up my place and live in it.
我想把我的房子修好并住进去。
I want to have my inner calm back.
我想让内心恢复平静。
Is there anything there?
那里有什么吗？
Aseel Hammash [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
Aseel Hammash [非英语演讲]
The house was blown out, and there were no walls.
房子被炸毁了，连墙都没有了。
There were only the support pillars, the ceiling, and the floors.
只有支柱、天花板和地板。
That's what was left.
这就是剩下的。
So I had to make a wall out of tarp.
所以我不得不用防水布做一堵墙。
I covered the entire house with tarp, and I'm trying to adapt.
我用防水布覆盖了整个房子，我正在努力适应。
What is around you?
你周围有什么？
Are there buildings?
有建筑物吗？
And is there anything there?
那里有什么吗？
I still have a bit of a roof over my head, but my neighbors next door set up a tent on top of the rubble of their house.
我的头上还有一点屋顶，但我的邻居在他们房子的废墟上搭了一个帐篷。
And it's the same with the neighbors all the way down the street.
整条街的邻居也是如此。
Those whose houses are still standing, they fixed them, and they live in them now.
那些仍然存在的房子，他们修好了，现在就住在里面。
Others set up tents on the rubble of their homes.
其他人则在自家房屋的废墟上搭起了帐篷。
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Chana Joffe-Walt What did Yousef think of you moving back to Jabalia?
[非英语演讲] Chana Joffe-Walt 尤瑟夫对搬回贾巴利亚有何看法？
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter Yousef didn't know I was moving back.
[非英语演讲] 翻译 Yousef 不知道我要搬回来。
He only knew I was coming to check on the place and belongings and then go back south.
他只知道我是来看看地方和财物，然后就回南方了。
But then I moved back and let him deal with my decision.
但后来我又回去了，让他来处理我的决定。
I shocked him with that.
我对此感到震惊。
He didn't approve of me going back north.
他不同意我回北方。
OK.
好的。
[CHUCKLES] And what did he say when he found out you were staying?
[笑]当他发现你留下来时他说什么？
He told me to wait a bit, take more time, be careful with my decision, and blah, blah, blah.
他告诉我等一下，多花点时间，小心我的决定，等等，等等。
I told him no. I'm going to stay for a bit.
我告诉他不。我要停留一会儿。
I feel that I belong to this place, and I need to stay here.
我觉得我属于这个地方，我需要留在这里。
Yousef saw that Aseel was not alone in this decision.
尤瑟夫发现阿塞尔并不是唯一做出这个决定的人。
As soon as people were allowed back, 376,000 Palestinians returned to their homes in the north.
一旦人们被允许返回，376,000 名巴勒斯坦人就返回了他们在北部的家园。
And they returned to places with no roads or schools or hospitals or clean water, and to homes that were damaged and destroyed.
他们回到了没有道路、学校、医院或干净水源的地方，以及被损坏和摧毁的房屋。
But they still went back.
但他们还是回去了。
After weeks of pushing back, Yousef got it.
经过几周的反击，尤瑟夫得到了答案。
It was easy to urge patience from the outside, but it was hard in the south, where they had been forced to live for more than a year.
在外面劝人忍耐很容易，但在南方却很难，因为他们已经被迫在那里生活了一年多。
Towns in the south were overwhelmed by displaced people from the north.
南部城镇被来自北部的流离失所者淹没。
There was tension between people from the north and south.
南北人民之间关系紧张。
There was months and months of displacement.
有好几个月的流离失所。
People were tired, degraded.
人们感到疲倦、堕落。
It was better to be in a tent where your home was than in a tent in Rafah or Khan Younis.
住在你家所在的帐篷里比住在拉法或汗尤尼斯的帐篷里要好。
Now that she was home, Aseel began trying to live, not just survive.
现在她回到家了，阿塞尔开始努力生活，而不仅仅是生存。
Her husband, Ahmed, set up a solar panel and started a phone charging station, a small business.
她的丈夫艾哈迈德安装了一块太阳能电池板，并创办了一家手机充电站，这是一家小企业。
Aseel found a job with an NGO doing data entry.
阿塞尔在一家非政府组织找到了一份做数据输入的工作。
Yousef hadn't wanted her to work.
尤瑟夫不想让她工作。
He thought going outside was unsafe.
他认为外出不安全。
But Aseel wanted to have money of her own.
但阿塞尔想拥有自己的钱。
Yousef told me, despite his objections, he was proud seeing what Aseel had created.
尤瑟夫告诉我，尽管他反对，但他对阿塞尔创造的东西感到自豪。
For two months, the ceasefire held.
停火协议维持了两个月。
March 18, Hammash family group chat.
3月18日，哈马什家庭群聊。
"The war is back." "Damn." "God is sufficient for me, and He is the best disposer of affairs." 2:39 AM, Yousef writes, "Call Aseel.
“战争又回来了。” “该死。” “上帝对我来说是足够的，他是最好的处理者。”凌晨 2:39，尤瑟夫写道，“给阿塞尔打电话。
I can't get through." Seven hours later, Aseel-- "I'm fine.
我过不去。”七个小时后，Aseel——“我很好。
Don't worry."
别担心。”
Now that she was back north and the war was back on, all the little ways Aseel had been gathering herself over the last year-- making her own decisions, working for her own money, relying mostly on herself-- became essential for her survival.
现在她回到了北方，战争又重新开始了，阿塞尔在过去一年里所采取的所有小方法——自己做决定、为自己赚钱、主要依靠自己——都变得对她的生存至关重要。
It's like she anticipated a time when, even with love and support from the outside, she was going to need to be entirely self-sufficient.
就像她预料到的那样，即使有外界的爱和支持，她也需要完全自给自足。
That time was now.
那个时间就是现在。
When Israel violated the ceasefire in March, it launched one of the deadliest days of the war, 400 people killed in a single day in the north and also throughout the Gaza Strip.
3 月份，以色列违反停火协议，发动了战争中最致命的日子之一，北部和整个加沙地带一天之内就有 400 人死亡。
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said, this is only the beginning.
以色列总理内塔尼亚胡表示，这仅仅是开始。
Israel barred all food, aid, and any other supplies from coming into the territory, a complete ban that would end up lasting more than two months.
以色列禁止所有食品、援助和任何其他物资进入该领土，这一全面禁令最终将持续两个多月。
What are you eating?
你在吃什么？
Aseel Hammash [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
Aseel Hammash [非英语演讲]
What's available is rice, lentils, tuna, sardines, and other canned food.
提供的是大米、扁豆、金枪鱼、沙丁鱼和其他罐头食品。
For food, there's no flour.
至于食物，没有面粉。
I ran out of flour a while ago.
不久前我的面粉用完了。
The flour in the market was not good for consumption because it was mixed with plaster by the sellers.
市场上的面粉不适合食用，因为销售者将其与石膏混合在一起。
May God guide them.
愿上帝引导他们。
There is a bombed house next to us.
我们旁边有一座被炸毁的房子。
And there was flour under the rubble.
瓦砾下面还有面粉。
You dug through the rubble of your neighbor's house?
你挖了邻居家的废墟吗？
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter Yes, that's correct.
[非英语演讲] 口译员 是的，没错。
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter We were confident there was flour because our neighbor told us there was flour in his home.
[非英语语音] 翻译 我们确信有面粉，因为我们的邻居告诉我们他家里有面粉。
He also told us that if we could get it, we should eat it.
他还告诉我们，如果我们能得到它，我们就应该吃它。
We collaborated with the neighbors and got it out.
我们与邻居合作，把它解决了。
I don't know if you can imagine it, but it used to be a five-story building, and now it's only half a story.
不知道你能否想象得到，以前是五层楼，现在只有半层了。
The whole situation was like a drowning person who's clutching at a straw.
整个情况就像一个快要溺水的人抓住了救命稻草。
We all hoped that we could get the flour out.
我们都希望能把面粉弄出来。
They didn't get all of it out.
他们并没有把所有的事情都说出来。
I think they got about two bags.
我想他们大概有两袋。
And everyone ended up with a small bag.
最后每个人都得到了一个小袋子。
We took some of the flour and sifted it twice and ate it.
我们拿了一些面粉，过筛两遍就吃了。
There was sand and plaster in it, but we made it work.
里面有沙子和石膏，但我们成功了。
The flour lasted two days.
面粉可以用两天。
Aseel stopped working.
阿塞尔停止了工作。
She tried not to go out more than she needed to.
她尽量不外出，除非需要。
There were evacuation orders for areas in the north in April, again in May, but also, orders in the south and some in the middle area of Gaza, and threats of a new Israeli ground invasion in the north and bombs.
4月份和5月份，北部地区收到了疏散命令，南部地区和加沙中部一些地区也收到了疏散命令，以色列还威胁要对北部地区进行新的地面入侵并使用炸弹。
Aseel was coming back from visiting an injured relative in the hospital.
阿塞尔刚刚从医院探望一位受伤的亲戚回来。
She was almost home, and there was an explosion right where the car was going to drop her off.
她快到家了，就在汽车要送她下车的地方发生了爆炸。
This was two weeks ago.
这是两周前的事了。
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter I couldn't understand what was happening.
[非英语演讲] 翻译 我无法理解发生了什么。
I didn't know where to go.
我不知道该去哪里。
Suddenly, children appeared, and they were covered in blood.
突然，孩子们出现了，他们浑身是血。
People were running, carrying martyrs.
人们奔跑着，背着烈士。
It was very bizarre, to be honest.
老实说，这很奇怪。
They were carrying the martyr on a donkey cart, but there was no donkey.
他们用驴车抬烈士，但没有驴。
People were pulling it.
人们正在拉它。
And I said to myself, look at what we've become.
我对自己说，看看我们变成了什么样子。
What brought us to this life?
是什么让我们来到了这样的生活？
I don't want to evacuate.
我不想撤离。
I don't want to leave.
我不想离开。
I feel comfortable where I am.
我在哪里感觉很舒服。
And if I left, I'd be anxious all the time.
如果我离开了，我就会一直焦虑。
It's better for me to stay in my house and maintain my dignity.
对我来说，留在家里更好，维护我的尊严。
And that's it.
就是这样。
I don't want to leave.
我不想离开。
But if they bombed somewhere near me, that's when I would leave.
但如果他们在我附近的某个地方进行轰炸，我就会离开。
Didn't that happen today?
今天不是发生过这种事吗？
They bombed somewhere close to where you are.
他们在靠近你的地方轰炸了某个地方。
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter I meant something closer.
[非英语演讲] 翻译 我的意思是更接近的东西。
Today's bombing was close, but there was still a street between us.
今天的轰炸很接近，但我们之间仍然隔着一条街。
So they would have to bomb the street you are living on for you to leave?
那么他们必须轰炸你居住的街道才能让你离开吗？
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter No, God forbid.
[非英语演讲] 翻译 不，上帝禁止。
No, no.
不，不。
Are your sisters or Yousef or other people trying to convince you to leave?
你的姐妹、尤瑟夫或其他人是否试图说服你离开？
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Interpreter Yes.
[非英语演讲] 翻译 有。
He wasn't convinced, but I'm doing what I want.
他不相信，但我正在做我想做的事。
What's in the news is not like what's on the ground.
新闻中的内容与实际情况不同。
They exaggerate in the news.
他们在新闻中夸大其词。
I tell them the situation where I live still allows me to wait a bit longer in my house.
我告诉他们，我住的地方的情况还允许我在家里多等一会儿。
They should listen to me and be patient.
他们应该听我的并且要有耐心。
Did you tell Yousef you were going?
你告诉尤瑟夫你要去了吗？
Will you tell him about what happened today?
你能告诉他今天发生的事情吗？
Not yet.
还没有。
Interpreter Not yet.
口译员 还没有。
I will tell him.
我会告诉他。
He'd be pretty mad, most probably.
他很可能会非常生气。
He won't be happy that I got out during this dangerous situation.
我在这种危险的情况下逃脱了，他不会高兴的。
He would tell me to not leave home in the first place or to go stay with my sisters.
他会告诉我一开始就不要离开家，或者去和我的姐妹们住在一起。
I've been telling him since yesterday that the situation where I am is good.
我从昨天开始就告诉他，我现在的情况很好。
You can see in the chat when Aseel does tell him.
你可以在聊天中看到阿塞尔告诉他的时间。
And she's right.
她是对的。
He pleads with her to leave, to go to her sisters, who are sheltering in Gaza City.
他恳求她离开，去找她在加沙城避难的姐妹们。
But she doesn't want to leave.
但她不想离开。
In her home, she managed to collect bedding, some furniture, a small generator, toys for the baby, the beginnings of something livable.
在她的家里，她设法收集了床上用品、一些家具、一台小型发电机、婴儿玩具，这些都是宜居的开始。
If they leave, everything could be gone when they get back.
如果他们离开，当他们回来时一切都可能消失。
And, Aseel tells Yousef, nowhere is safe.
而且，阿塞尔告诉尤瑟夫，没有任何地方是安全的。
May 15, 2:25 PM, Aseel-- "I'm fine, my love.
5 月 15 日，下午 2:25，Aseel——“我很好，亲爱的。
Don't worry." Yousef-- "God is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs, my sister." By midnight that night, more bombs.
别担心。”尤瑟夫——“上帝对我们来说已经足够了，他是最好的处理者，我的妹妹。”到了那天晚上的午夜，更多的炸弹。
Hammash family group chat.
哈马什家庭群聊。
"Can someone check on Aseel?" Manal-- "Yousef is talking to her."
“有人可以检查一下阿塞尔吗？”马纳尔——“尤瑟夫正在和她说话。”
Yeah, no, I don't know.
是的，不，我不知道。
She was refusing to leave yesterday.
昨天她拒绝离开。
And then it became night.
然后天就黑了。
Then, OK, it wasn't safe to move.
然后，好吧，移动并不安全。
So I said, OK, let's see until tomorrow.
所以我说，好吧，我们明天再说吧。
Then, in the night, everything changed.
然后，到了晚上，一切都变了。
1:39 AM, Yousef-- "Please confirm you're well." Aseel-- "Thank God for everything."
凌晨 1:39，Yousef——“请确认您身体状况良好。” Aseel——“感谢上帝赐予的一切。”
1:59 AM, Yousef-- "May God keep you safe, my dear." Aseel-- "Thank God.
凌晨 1:59，尤瑟夫——“愿上帝保佑你安全，亲爱的。”阿塞尔——“感谢上帝。
I'm fine.
我很好。
Don't worry."
别担心。”
Last message at 2:00 AM, "Inshallah, everything is fine, and we'll meet soon," exchanging nice messages.
最后一条消息是凌晨 2:00，“安拉，一切都很好，我们很快就会见面”，交换了友好的信息。
Then at 3:15, she texted me, "I cannot breathe.
然后在 3 点 15 分，她给我发短信说：“我无法呼吸。
I cannot see anything." And she sent this video.
我什么也看不见。”她发送了这段视频。
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Woman [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[非英语演讲] 女人 [非英语演讲]
In the video, the camera is pointed at what looks like a pile of rubble, but it's hard to see because it's dark, and they're surrounded by a cloud of dust and debris.
在视频中，摄像机对准了看起来像一堆瓦砾的地方，但由于周围很黑，所以很难看清，而且他们周围都是一团灰尘和碎片。
In the upper corner of the video, there's a piece of drywall, maybe a fallen ceiling.
在视频的上角，有一块干墙，可能是掉落的天花板。
Aseel is saying, I can't see a thing, calling for her husband, Ahmed.
阿塞尔一边说，我什么也看不见，一边呼唤她的丈夫艾哈迈德。
Someone says, Ahmed is there.
有人说，艾哈迈德在那儿。
He's there.
他就在那儿。
Aseel says, I hope they don't bomb again.
阿塞尔说，我希望他们不要再轰炸了。
And then-- Yousef Hammash I panic, and I keep calling.
然后——尤瑟夫·哈马什（Yousef Hammash）我很恐慌，我一直打电话。
No phone calls.
没有电话。
Waking up Heda, Hadil, trying to call there or call Ala so we can call her husband.
叫醒赫达、哈迪尔，试着打电话给那里或阿拉，这样我们就可以打电话给她的丈夫。
She texted 3:18 AM, "They bombed the house next to my house.
凌晨 3 点 18 分，她发短信说：“他们轰炸了我家隔壁的房子。
It's full of dead bodies.
里面全是尸体。
Most of the house collapsed.
房子的大部分都倒塌了。
Everything collapsed on us.
一切都在我们身上崩溃了。
Pray for us." And she asked, pray for us that this night pass.
为我们祈祷。”她问，为我们祈祷，让这一夜过去。
And then she didn't respond.
然后她就没有反应了。
Yeah.
是的。
I got messages from Aseel that night, too.
那天晚上我也收到了 Aseel 的消息。
She wrote, "I hope to stay alive until the morning.
她写道：“我希望能活到早上。
This is the hardest night since the beginning of the war.
这是战争开始以来最艰难的夜晚。
I'm so scared." And she wrote, "I feel like I won't meet my family again."
我很害怕。”她写道：“我感觉我再也见不到我的家人了。”
Did she sound different to you than she has sounded at other scary moments?
你觉得她的声音和其他可怕时刻的声音有什么不同吗？
Yeah.
是的。
It's not the first time that they go through this.
这并不是他们第一次经历这样的事情。
They go through it a lot, and she never reach out.
他们经历了很多次，但她从来没有伸出援手。
When she know that nothing I can do, I'm outside, especially at 3:00 AM, it's quite serious.
当她知道我无能为力时，我就在外面，尤其是在凌晨 3:00，这是相当严重的。
She always tried to spare me when this is-- it was serious.
当事情严重时，她总是试图饶恕我。
She's not just scared.
她不只是害怕。
She was about to die.
她快要死了。
It took 11 hours before he heard anything.
11个小时之后，他才听到任何消息。
His other sister, Heba, finally got through to Aseel.
他的另一个妹妹赫芭终于接通了阿塞尔的电话。
They'd survived.
他们活了下来。
Heba was hiring an ambulance to try to get Aseel out.
赫巴正在雇一辆救护车试图把阿塞尔救出来。
She wasn't injured.
她没有受伤。
It was just the only way the family could figure out how to get to her.
这是家人找到联系她的唯一方法。
She's moving to Gaza City?
她要搬到加沙城？
Yousef Hammash Yeah.
尤瑟夫·哈马什 是的。
Well-- Yousef Hammash [SIGHS] One second.
好吧——尤瑟夫·哈马什 [叹气] 等一下。
[INAUDIBLE] So my sister Heba is texting me now saying that it was very hard to send the ambulance.
[听不清] 所以我姐姐 Heba 现在给我发短信说很难派出救护车。
And he just agreed.
他就同意了。
Hammash family group chat, Yousef to the group-- "Aseel has arrived at the girls' house." "Are you asking or telling?" Yousef-- "I'm telling you." Upside down face.
哈马什家庭群聊中，尤瑟夫在群里——“阿瑟尔已经到了女孩们家。” “你是在问还是在说？”尤瑟夫——“我告诉你。”脸朝下。
"Thank God she's safe." "Thank God.
“感谢上帝，她很安全。” “感谢上帝。
May God keep them safe and well, God willing."
愿上帝保佑他们安全、健康，如果上帝愿意的话。”
And then, 5:51 PM, Aseel shows back up in the chat.
然后，下午 5:51，Aseel 又出现在聊天中。
Aseel-- "I'm fine, guys, but I'm devastated." I got a text, too.
Aseel——“我很好，伙计们，但我很沮丧。”我也收到短信了
"I'm fine," she said, "but my psyche is broken." Aseel has not gone back since.
“我很好，”她说，“但我的精神崩溃了。”从那以后，阿塞尔就再也没有回去过。
19 months is a long time, long enough to move four times, to create a home out of nothing, to start a new business, long enough for Aseel to be pregnant, to deliver her first baby, and for that baby to learn to roll over, crawl, and walk, long enough to feel certain that this cannot possibly go on any longer.
19个月是一段很长的时间，足够让我们搬家四次，足够让我们白手起家，开启新事业，足够让Aseel怀孕，生下她的第一个孩子，让孩子学会翻身、爬行和走路，足够让我确信这样的情况不可能再持续下去了。
The day after this terrible night, Aseel sent me one more text-- "I'm pregnant.
在这个可怕的夜晚之后的第二天，阿塞尔又给我发了一条短信——“我怀孕了。
I don't know if I should be worried or upset or happy.
我不知道我是应该担心、难过还是高兴。
I don't know what to feel."
我不知道该有什么感觉。”
When Aseel and Yousef shared their messages, I started reading from the beginning and didn't stop for hours and hours until I was finished, hundreds of pages and photos and videos later.
当 Aseel 和 Yousef 分享他们的信息时，我从头开始阅读，几个小时不停地读，直到读完数百页、照片和视频。
After I was done, I kept scrolling back up to the beginning, to how the story starts, two years ago, a family planning a day at the beach.
完成后，我不断地滚动回到开头，回到故事的开始，两年前，计划生育的一天在海滩上。
"Make a cinnamon roll, Heba, and arrange it here." "Heba, I'm scared you'll ruin the cinnamon roll.
“热巴，做个肉桂卷，放在这儿吧。” “热巴，我担心你会把肉桂卷弄坏。
You're good at baking cake.
你很擅长烤蛋糕。
Bake a cake.
烤蛋糕。
Hadeel's cinnamon roll is tasty." "I'll make a cake, and you won't eat it." "Who told you we won't eat it?" "OK, I'll make you a cake." "Aseel, do you want to bring the nuts?
哈迪尔的肉桂卷很好吃。” “我做个蛋糕，你不吃。” “谁告诉你我们不吃的？” “好啊，我给你做个蛋糕吧。” “阿塞尔，你想带坚果吗？
Bring the seeds and nuts."
带上种子和坚果来。”
Aseel-- "Shall I make you a crepe?" "No." Aseel-- "Shall I make you some pastries?" "Come on, Aseel.
Aseel——“要我给你做个可丽饼吗？” “不。” Aseel——“要我给你做点糕点吗？” “来吧，阿塞尔。
Manal and I will work with you.
玛纳尔和我会和你一起工作。
Do you know how to make a cinnamon roll?" It felt like a shock being in the presence of a family in this way and the banality of a moment.
你知道怎么做肉桂卷吗？”以这种方式面对一个家庭，感觉就像是一种震惊，而且是一个平庸的时刻。
I understood, oh, this is what this family was.
我明白了，噢，这家人就是这样的。
This is what was destroyed.
这就是被毁掉的东西。
Coming up, a refresher-- how many pounds are in a kilo again?
接下来，复习一下——一公斤是多少磅？
2.2 pounds-- and other memorable measurements.
2.2 磅——以及其他令人难忘的尺寸。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio, when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Chana Joffe-Walt, sitting in for Ira Glass.
我是查娜·乔夫-沃尔特 (Chana Joffe-Walt)，代理艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass)。
Today's show, Group Chat.
今天的节目，群聊。
We're hearing from Palestinians living outside the West Bank and Gaza, checking in with people there.
我们收到居住在约旦河西岸和加沙地带以外的巴勒斯坦人的消息，他们正在向那里的人们进行询问。
We've arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。
Act Two, Week 11.
第二幕，第 11 周。
Mohammed Mhawish left Gaza a year ago, around the same time as Yousef, just before the border closed.
穆罕默德·马维什一年前离开加沙，与尤瑟夫大约在同一时间，就在边境关闭之前。
Mohammed's a reporter.
穆罕默德是一名记者。
He's lived in Gaza his whole life.
他一生都住在加沙。
And he spent the last year, since he left, continuing to report and talk to people back home.
离开后的最后一年，他继续向家乡的人们进行报道和交谈。
Some are people he knows, others he finds through his reporting.
有些是他认识的人，有些是他通过报道找到的。
He's been trying to document each phase of the current war.
他一直在努力记录当前战争的每个阶段。
Last fall, the messages and voice memos Mohammed was getting from people in Gaza were about evacuations or about people figuring out where to move to be safe.
去年秋天，穆罕默德从加沙人民那里收到的信息和语音备忘录都是关于疏散或人们想办法搬到哪里才能安全。
In November and December, the messages were about the cold.
十一月和十二月的消息都是关于寒冷的。
Winter was coming.
冬天来了。
Now, they've turned to food.
现在，他们转向了食物。
Israel has imposed restrictions on food and supplies entering Gaza throughout the war.
以色列在整个战争期间对进入加沙的食品和物资实施了限制。
In March, they began a total blockade.
三月，他们开始全面封锁。
No food was allowed in for 11 weeks.
11 周内不允许进食。
Israel said it was to pressure Hamas to release hostages.
以色列表示，此举是为了向哈马斯施压，要求其释放人质。
Now, just this week, Israel is allowing a trickle of food, but it's doing so through a brand new, privately-run system that's backed by Israel and the US.
现在，就在本周，以色列允许少量食物供应，但它是通过以色列和美国支持的全新的私营系统来实现的。
This new system now has only three food distribution sites running.
这个新系统现在只有三个食品分发站点在运行。
There used to be hundreds.
过去有数百个。
A UN official has said the new system, quote, "cannot possibly meet Gaza's needs."
一名联合国官员表示，新系统“不可能满足加沙的需求”。
The upshot, as of the moment I'm saying this, is there's still not enough food inside Gaza, especially in the north.
截至我说这句话的那一刻，结果是加沙境内仍然没有足够的食物，特别是在北部。
Mohammed has been talking to people there.
穆罕默德一直在和那里的人们交谈。
Here he is.
他在这里。
A few weeks ago, I got a phone call from my friend, Abdelhakim Aburiash.
几周前，我接到朋友阿卜杜勒哈基姆·阿布里什 (Abdelhakim Aburiash) 打来的电话。
He's in Gaza, in the north.
他在北部的加沙。
He said, I can't explain the pain in my stomach, in my bones, in my head.
他说，我无法解释我的胃、我的骨头、我的头的疼痛。
I know exactly what he meant.
我很清楚他的意思。
Right before I left Gaza a year ago, I was in the north of the strip.
一年前我离开加沙之前，我就在加沙地带的北部。
There was a blockade then as well-- no food or supplies.
当时也发生了封锁——没有食物或补给。
My son and I were both diagnosed with acute malnutrition.
我和我的儿子都被诊断出患有急性营养不良。
Now, it's not just the north.
现在，不仅仅是北方。
All of Gaza is hungry.
整个加沙都在挨饿。
When I call people there now, all I hear are stories of hunger, the quiet and desperate tricks that people have come up with to survive.
现在，当我给那里的人们打电话时，我听到的都是饥饿的故事，以及人们为了生存而想出的安静而绝望的伎俩。
A father living in my old neighborhood, Al Daraj, told me his family of five shared a single Snickers bar for lunch.
住在我老家阿尔达拉杰 (Al Daraj) 的一位父亲告诉我，他一家五口共用一家士力架吃午餐。
We slice it like cake, he said.
我们像切蛋糕一样切它，他说。
We make it a moment.
我们让它短暂。
I talked to a son in charge of searching for food for his whole family, who told me, we boil herbs to trick our bodies into thinking we're full.
我和一个负责为全家人寻找食物的儿子交谈过，他告诉我，我们煮草药是为了欺骗我们的身体认为我们已经吃饱了。
We feed the children first, then wait to see if there is anything left.
我们先喂孩子们，然后看看还有没有剩下的。
Most nights, there isn't.
大多数晚上，没有。
Now, I'm talking a lot to another person in the north, Huda Skaik.
现在，我正在与北方的另一个人胡达·斯凯克（Huda Skaik）交谈很多。
She is 20 years old.
她今年 20 岁。
A few months ago, she messaged me out of the blue.
几个月前，她突然给我发消息。
She said she wanted to be a journalist, asked me for advice on how to pitch to news outlets.
她说她想成为一名记者，并向我寻求如何向新闻媒体推销的建议。
These days, I message her for updates.
这些天，我给她发消息询问最新情况。
I called her on week 11 of the blockade, week 11 of no food going into Gaza.
我在封锁的第 11 周给她打电话，也就是禁止食物进入加沙的第 11 周。
We don't just talk about food.
我们不只谈论食物。
She has ambitions.
她有野心。
I asked which journalists from Gaza she'd been reading lately.
我问她最近阅读了哪些来自加沙的记者的报道。
So I read for Hind Khoudary, her reports.
所以我读了 Hind Khoudary 的报告。
And also, I read for Ahmed Dremly, if you know him.
而且，我还为艾哈迈德·德雷姆利（Ahmed Dremly）读过书，如果你认识他的话。
Of course you know him.
你当然认识他。
So you're not reading my work.
所以你没有读我的作品。
OK, thank you.
好的，谢谢。
[LAUGHS]
[笑]
No, of course.
不，当然。
No, I swear.
不，我发誓。
I swear I read for you.
我发誓我为你读书。
Sorry.
对不起。
I wrote some vocabulary, and I will send you some photos after finishing this interview to show you that I'm reading for you.
我写了一些词汇，采访结束后我会发给你一些照片，让你知道我正在为你读书。
She did.
她做到了。
Huda is a very serious student.
胡达是一个非常认真的学生。
She is studying English literature online through the Islamic University of Gaza-- first in her class.
她正在加沙伊斯兰大学在线学习英语文学——在班上名列第一。
She told me studying brings her peace.
她告诉我学习给她带来平静。
It was nighttime in Gaza when we talked, nine hours since she'd last eaten.
我们谈话时是加沙的夜晚，距离她上次吃饭已经九个小时了。
And I brought a bottle of water here, next to me.
我带了一瓶水到这里，就在我旁边。
Every time I feel hungry, I drink some.
每次感觉饿了就喝一点。
And then I feel like, oh, I'm full.
然后我感觉，哦，我吃饱了。
And I'm intending to drink a lot of water in the coming days in order to stay alive.
为了维持生命，我打算在接下来的几天里喝大量的水。
This is the only way my stomach will be full a little bit.
只有这样，我的胃才能填饱一点。
This is how I make myself patient with hungry.
这就是我让自己对饥饿有耐心的方法。
It's exam time right now.
现在正是考试时间。
Huda has been putting her headphones on and studying late into the night.
胡达一直戴着耳机学习到深夜。
I was astonished by Huda's ability to stay focused.
我对胡达保持专注的能力感到惊讶。
Night time is terrifying in Gaza.
加沙的夜晚很可怕。
All we could hear was explosions and the sound of drones getting closer.
我们只能听到爆炸声和无人机越来越近的声音。
But Huda just studies through it.
但胡达只是通过它来学习。
So when all of my siblings and my parents are falling asleep, I study.
因此，当我所有的兄弟姐妹和父母都入睡时，我就开始学习。
So when I get hungry, sometimes at night, you know what I do?
所以当我饿了的时候，有时是在晚上，你知道我会做什么吗？
I go to the kitchen, and I eat a spoon of za'atar.
我走进厨房，吃了一勺扎阿塔。
So we have a jar of za'atar, OK?
我们有一罐 za'atar，好吗？
So in order to not make my mom notice that I am eating from it, I go to the kitchen.
所以为了不让妈妈注意到我正在吃东西，我去了厨房。
And I--
而我——
Yes.
是的。
Mohammed Mhawish --so that no one--
穆罕默德·马维什——这样就没有人——
Exactly.
正是如此。
Exactly.
确切地。
Thank God that my parents don't know English.
感谢上帝，我的父母不懂英语。
OK.
好的。
And sometimes I feel like I am guilty because it's for my siblings in the morning, and oh, my God.
有时我觉得自己很内疚，因为早上这是为了我的兄弟姐妹，天哪。
But I want to satisfy my hunger.
但我想满足我的饥饿感。
And I'm studying, and I want to focus.
我正在学习，我想集中注意力。
Yeah.
是的。
Huda Skaik And then after eating those two spoons, I drink one or two cups of water in order to feel like I had a dinner.
Huda Skaik 吃完这两勺后，我喝了一两杯水，感觉就像吃了一顿晚餐。
I yearn for eating some cheese.
我渴望吃一些奶酪。
Before the war, Huda was the kind of person who liked to take pictures of what she was eating, especially when she made it.
战前，胡达是那种喜欢给自己吃的东西拍照的人，尤其是当她做的时候。
These days, when she gets hungry, she scrolls through those pictures.
这些天，当她饿了的时候，她就会滚动浏览那些照片。
She said it helps her feel full, just looking at them.
她说，只要看着它们，她就会感到饱足。
She told me about a photo of maqluba from 2022, a screenshot of a burger ad.
她告诉我一张 2022 年 maqluba 的照片，一张汉堡广告的截图。
She told me she zooms in and pretends she's picking the crispy bits off the chicken.
她告诉我，她放大了镜头，假装她正在从鸡肉上摘下脆皮。
I wanted to have an idea if you've ever been to the market lately and what kinds of things that are still being sold.
我想知道您最近是否去过市场以及仍在出售哪些商品。
OK, so most of the market shelves are really scarce and are empty.
好吧，所以大部分市场货架都非常稀缺，而且是空的。
You can see some canned food or even lentils, rice, soup, pasta.
你可以看到一些罐头食品甚至扁豆、米饭、汤、面食。
These are the items that are currently available, but in a very, very, very expensive prices.
这些是目前可用的物品，但价格非常非常昂贵。
Like almost $11 for a candy bar.
一块棒糖差不多11美元。
A year ago, prices were high, but not this high.
一年前，价格很高，但没有这么高。
People still had stored food.
人们仍然储存着食物。
There were still some farms.
那里还有一些农场。
The market I used to shop at still had stock.
我以前常去的市场还有货。
There were snacks, and there was green leaves, some vegetables, some green vegetables.
有零食，还有绿叶，一些蔬菜，一些青菜。
Yeah.
是的。
That are not available now.
现在不可用。
I hope they was available so I can make myself busy with them while studying.
我希望它们有空，这样我就可以在学习的同时让自己忙于它们。
And--
还有——
There was also-- there was also some coffee.
还有——还有一些咖啡。
There was also some tea.
还有一些茶。
There was some sugar that we would use sometimes.
我们有时会使用一些糖。
We can sweeten some water with sugar, and we can drink.
我们可以加点糖让水变甜，然后就可以喝了。
And so it could have some sort of a feeling of a sweet thing that could be enough for the body to feel full at some point somehow.
所以它可能有某种甜蜜的感觉，足以让身体在某个时刻感到饱足。
Sugar, is it available?
糖，有货吗？
How much does it cost to get 1 kilo of sugar?
获得 1 公斤糖需要多少钱？
Let me ask my brother.
让我问问我的兄弟。
How does it cost?
费用如何？
$30, 1 kilo.
30 美元，1 公斤。
Oh, my God.
我的天啊。
A kilo is a little over 2 pounds.
一公斤略高于 2 磅。
Before the war, a kilo of sugar cost about $0.25, $0.30 on the high end.
战前，一公斤糖的价格约为 0.25 美元，高端的为 0.30 美元。
When I was still in Gaza, a kilo of sugar was already outrageous, $16.
当我还在加沙的时候，一公斤糖已经很离谱了，16美元。
And it was already hard to find.
而且已经很难找了。
Now there is almost nothing.
现在几乎什么都没有了。
Farmland has been wiped out, greenhouses turned to ash.
农田被夷为平地，温室化为灰烬。
It's not just the food that's gone.
消失的不仅仅是食物。
There is no fuel to cook what little might be left-- rice, lentils.
没有燃料来煮剩下的一点点东西——大米、扁豆。
There is no fuel to even boil water.
连烧水都没有燃料。
There isn't any burning wood around you, right?
你周围没有燃烧的木头吧？
Yeah.
是的。
There is no wood right now.
现在没有木头。
We sometimes bought some plastics, you know?
我们有时会买一些塑料，你知道吗？
Or nylon or whatever we find in the street in order to fuel the fire.
或者尼龙或我们在街上找到的任何东西来火上浇油。
Yeah.
是的。
Huda Skaik When I study, I have my notebooks, which are really close to my heart.
Huda Skaik 当我学习时，我有我的笔记本，它对我来说非常贴近。
And I can't let them burn with--
我不能让它们燃烧——
Give them up.
放弃他们吧。
Yeah.
是的。
Huda Skaik Yeah.
胡达·斯凯克 是的。
But I have another papers.
但我还有另一篇论文。
These are for my mom when she burns the-- for the food.
这些是我妈妈烧食物时给她的。
When she cooks.
当她做饭的时候。
Yeah.
是的。
Huda Skaik When she cooks.
Huda Skaik 做饭时。
She's burnt some of our clothes.
她烧毁了我们的一些衣服。
And it's something like you-- when we burn these things, I feel like we are burning some of our memories, a huge number, a huge amount of our memories.
就像你一样——当我们烧掉这些东西时，我觉得我们正在烧掉我们的一些记忆，大量的、大量的记忆。
I dreamed of my cousin that was killed in the first beginning of the war, just two days ago.
就在两天前，我梦见了我的表弟，他在战争一开始就被杀了。
She was telling me that she was missing me and that she wants me to eat some food.
她告诉我她想念我并且想让我吃点东西。
She tells me that she feels like I am hungry.
她告诉我她觉得我饿了。
She was cooking for me something that I love, which is the basta, but in a very delicious way.
她正在为我做一些我喜欢的东西，那就是巴斯塔，但做得非常美味。
She made it in the dream.
她在梦里做到了。
And then when I woke up, I felt like I am full.
然后当我醒来时，我感觉自己已经饱了。
I felt like I don't want to eat, you know?
我感觉我不想吃饭了，你知道吗？
It's really something indescribable.
实在是一件难以形容的事情。
And I felt so sad when I saw her.
当我看到她时，我感到很难过。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
I'm so sorry for your loss.
我对你的损失感到非常抱歉。
I'm so sorry.
我很抱歉。
Yeah.
是的。
I started telling my friends that pray to have a dream like this, you know?
我开始告诉我的朋友祈祷有这样的梦想，你知道吗？
It's really so bad.
实在是太糟糕了。
Oh.
哦。
Oh, my God.
我的天啊。
I remember the way hunger settled into my body.
我记得饥饿是如何融入我的身体的。
Not just as pain, but as a kind of silence.
不只是痛苦，而是一种沉默。
When I stood up, the room spun.
当我站起来时，房间开始旋转。
My mouth tasted like metal.
我的嘴尝起来像金属。
My limbs felt heavy, like I was wading through water.
我感觉四肢沉重，就像在水中涉水一样。
I stopped feeling hunger as a craving.
我不再感到饥饿是一种渴望。
It became something else, a slow shutting down.
它变成了别的东西，缓慢的关闭。
I have never, ever expected to reach to such level, to seek food, to think of food, to only just want to-- I just want to eat food.
我从来没有期望达到这样的程度，去寻找食物，去想食物，只是想——我只是想吃食物。
And I feel like people are going insane.
我觉得人们快要疯了。
We could lose our minds if we didn't have food immediately.
如果我们不立即吃东西，我们可能会失去理智。
When I first talked to Huda, I could tell she was ambitious.
当我第一次和胡达交谈时，我可以看出她雄心勃勃。
She talked about wanting to be a teacher.
她谈到想成为一名老师。
She dreamt of getting her master's degree abroad.
她的梦想是出国攻读硕士学位。
But just before we talked, she had started to rethink that plan because she doesn't want to leave Gaza behind.
但就在我们交谈之前，她开始重新考虑该计划，因为她不想把加沙抛在后面。
The Israelis are trying to erase all the traces of Palestinians and uprooted them.
以色列人正试图抹去巴勒斯坦人的所有痕迹，并将他们连根拔起。
And they are trying to put the idea of traveling and to get out of Gaza.
他们正试图提出旅行并离开加沙的想法。
But we will not.
但我们不会。
We will always stay in our homes.
我们将永远呆在我们的家里。
And sometimes, I feel like how does the world outside Gaza feel?
有时，我会想加沙以外的世界感觉如何？
How is the world behind the Rafah crossing?
拉法口岸背后的世界怎么样？
How did you feel when you get on a plane?
当你坐上飞机时，感觉如何？
Can you tell me?
你能告诉我吗？
I was surprised by Huda's question, and I had trouble answering it.
我对胡达的问题感到惊讶，一时难以回答。
It slammed me back to the moment as I was crossing into Egypt-- no drones, no sounds of war.
它让我回想起进入埃及时的那一刻——没有无人机，没有战争的声音。
People were just living, only 30 minutes away from Gaza, sipping sodas, grilling on the street, kids heading to school, others coming back from college.
人们只是生活，距离加沙只有 30 分钟路程，喝着苏打水，在街上烧烤，孩子们去上学，其他人从大学回来。
The world outside Gaza, it's an overwhelming mix of things.
加沙以外的世界是一个五花八门的世界。
My mouth isn't capable of what it wants to speak.
我的嘴无法说出它想说的话。
I think it's good for us to be in other parts of the world to share what is happening back home.
我认为在世界其他地方分享家乡发生的事情对我们来说是件好事。
But to do that, I had to leave everything behind, knowing I may never go back.
但要做到这一点，我必须把一切抛在脑后，因为我知道我可能永远不会回去。
My home is out of reach.
我的家遥不可及。
This is kind of breaking my heart.
这让我心碎。
Huda texted me after our call and surprised me with another question.
通话结束后，胡达给我发了短信，并提出了另一个问题，让我大吃一惊。
She asked what I had for breakfast.
她问我早餐吃什么。
I lied.
我撒谎了。
I said, coffee and toast.
我说，咖啡和吐司。
These two things are still available somewhere in Gaza.
这两件事在加沙的某个地方仍然可以买到。
I did not tell her I had one egg, a cookie, and a cup of tea.
我没有告诉她我有一个鸡蛋、一块饼干和一杯茶。
Mohammed Mhawish is a journalist and writer from Gaza.
穆罕默德·马维什是一名来自加沙的记者和作家。
Diane Wu produced this story.
吴黛安制作了这个故事。
You can find more of Mohammed's reporting in Al Jazeera and MSNBC.
您可以在半岛电视台和 MSNBC 上找到穆罕默德的更多报道。
He's also a contributing writer for The Nation, which is where we first read about his experiences with hunger.
他也是《国家》杂志的特约撰稿人，我们是在《国家》杂志上第一次读到他的饥饿经历的。
Huda's access to food has not changed since Mohammed spoke with her two weeks ago.
自从两周前穆罕默德与胡达交谈以来，胡达获得食物的途径没有改变。
One last thing before we end today's show, almost every day, someone asks me about a kid we put on the show six months ago, Banias.
在我们结束今天的节目之前的最后一件事，几乎每天，都会有人问我六个月前我们在节目中放的一个孩子，巴尼亚斯。
She's in Gaza.
她在加沙。
The thing people always want to know-- how is she doing?
人们总是想知道——她过得怎么样？
This is a question I find very difficult to answer.
这是一个我觉得很难回答的问题。
But here we go.
但我们开始了。
I'm going to try.
我要尝试一下。
Banias is still in Central Gaza, where she's been displaced from the north.
巴尼亚斯仍在加沙中部，她是从北部流离失所的。
She turned nine during the ceasefire, in January.
一月份停火期间，她已经九岁了。
She's living in an apartment with a yard.
她住在一间带院子的公寓里。
There are long stretches when she can't go outside, when it's not safe enough.
有很长一段时间，她无法外出，因为那里不够安全。
When she can go out, there are kids nearby she plays with.
当她可以出去的时候，附近就有孩子和她一起玩。
She draws.
她画画。
She pretends to be a naturalist.
她假装自己是一位博物学家。
Banias loves bugs.
巴尼亚斯喜欢虫子。
She does remote school for a few hours each week.
她每周进行几个小时的远程教育。
She's skinnier.
她更瘦了。
Banias's family has far more resources than most people in Gaza.
巴尼亚斯家族拥有的资源远比加沙大多数人多。
But still, her parents spend most of the day trying to find food lately or waiting in lines to access an oven, where they can cook bread if they have flour.
但她的父母最近还是花了大部分时间寻找食物，或者排队等候烤箱，如果有面粉，他们就可以煮面包。
Most days, they don't.
大多数时候，他们不会。
They eat lentils and rice or lentils and pasta.
他们吃扁豆和米饭或扁豆和面食。
They're running out of canned food.
他们的罐头食品快用完了。
Her mom told me, on a good day, they'll also share one fried potato for the family of four.
她妈妈告诉我，天气好的时候，他们还会给一家四口分享一份炸土豆。
How is Banias doing should be a really simple question.
巴尼亚斯的表现如何应该是一个非常简单的问题。
Banias is wonderful.
巴尼亚斯很棒。
She's charming, endlessly curious, and energetic, and bursting with things to say.
她很有魅力，充满好奇心，精力充沛，有很多话要说。
She's very funny.
她很有趣。
And Banias is still incredibly good at creating her own reality.
巴尼亚斯仍然非常擅长创造自己的现实。
I'm so happy today.
我今天真高兴。
I'm really, really, really happy.
我真的真的真的真的很高兴。
Yeah?
是的？
Why?
为什么？
Banias The kids are playing in the backyard, and I'm sitting here in the balcony.
巴尼亚斯 孩子们在后院玩耍，我坐在阳台上。
Uh-huh.
嗯嗯。
Banias Sometimes it was loud bombing around us.
巴尼亚斯 有时我们周围会传来巨大的轰炸声。
That's sometimes.
有时候是这样。
Yeah, I just heard it.
是的，我刚刚听说。
Banias It's not close of us.
巴尼亚斯 它离我们并不近。
This is a lemon tree.
这是一棵柠檬树。
I want to show you an olive tree we like to climb.
我想带你去看一棵我们喜欢爬的橄榄树。
This olive tree is so easy to climb.
这棵橄榄树很容易爬。
I just step-- uh-oh, I was about to fall.
我刚刚迈出一步——呃——哦，我差点摔倒。
OK, I'll switch the camera to show you.
好的，我换个镜头给你看。
I'll hold the phone tightly.
我会紧紧握住电话。
And you step--
而你迈出一步——
[LAUGHS] Are you climbing the tree right now?
[笑]你现在在爬树吗？
And I'm-- and I'm climbing.
我正在攀登。
Look, this is the olive tree.
看，这就是橄榄树。
And look!
看！
I'm here, I'm here.
我在这里，我在这里。
Here am I.
我在这儿。
Woo-hoo!
呜呼！
I'm the king of the garden!
我是花园之王！
[LAUGHS] Banias I'm the queen of the garden!
[笑]巴尼亚斯我是花园女王！
It is safe.
这是安全的。
Don't worry about us.
别担心我们。
But there's some shooting around us.
但我们周围有一些枪击事件。
Yeah, I can hear it.
是的，我能听到。
Banias So don't go to high places.
巴尼亚斯 所以不要去高处。
I'll just get down--
我就下去——
Yeah, maybe come down.
是啊，也许下来吧。
Banias --so I doesn't get shooted.
巴尼亚斯——这样我就不会被枪杀。
[GRUNTING]
[咕噜声]
It sounds close.
听起来很接近。
Banias If you're scared, we can, ba-ha, we can go inside.
巴尼亚斯如果你害怕，我们可以，巴哈，我们可以进去。
You want to go inside?
你想进去吗？
Chana Joffe-Walt Yeah.
查纳·乔夫-沃尔特 是的。
That's how Banias is doing, fiercely protecting and inventing a childhood for herself, a childhood that is constrained in every way by shooting and bombing, by a lack of nutrition, education, and safety.
巴尼亚斯就是这么做的，她极力保护和创造自己的童年，这个童年在各方面都受到枪击和轰炸、缺乏营养、教育和安全的限制。
That's how she's doing.
她就是这么做的。
Our show today was produced by Lilly Sullivan.
我们今天的节目由莉莉·沙利文制作。
Nancy Updike edited the show.
南希·厄普代克剪辑了该节目。
The people who put our show together include Michael Comite, Angela Gervasi, Ira Glass, Cassie Howley, Valerie Kipnis, Seth Lind, Miki Meek, Katherine Rae Mondo, Stowe Nelson, Nadia Reiman, Anthony Roman, Alissa Shipp, Christopher Swetala, and Marisa Robertson-Textor.
制作我们节目的人员包括 Michael Comite、Angela Gervasi、Ira Glass、Cassie Howley、Valerie Kipnis、Seth Lind、Miki Meek、Katherine Rae Mondo、Stowe Nelson、Nadia Reiman、Anthony Roman、Alissa Shipp、Christopher Swetala 和 Marisa Robertson-Textor。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Our senior editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的高级编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Emanuele Berry is our executive editor.
埃马努埃莱·贝里 (Emanuele Berry) 是我们的执行编辑。
Special thanks today to Hany Hawasly, Laura Albast, Rania Mustafa, Dana Ballout, Rachel Strom, Emna Zygal, Lizzy Ratner, and Suzanne Gaber.
今天特别感谢 Hany Hawasly、Laura Albast、Rania Mustafa、Dana Ballout、Rachel Strom、Emna Zygal、Lizzy Ratner 和 Suzanne Gaber。
Thanks also to KCRW in Los Angeles, where I've been recording this week and have had help from Katie Gilchrest, Phil Richards, Mike Stark, and Mike Newport.
还要感谢洛杉矶的 KCRW，我本周一直在那里录音，并得到了 Katie Gilchrest、Phil Richards、Mike Stark 和 Mike Newport 的帮助。
Voiceover for Aseel in Act One was performed by Tara Aboud.
第一幕中阿塞尔的配音由塔拉·阿布德 (Tara Aboud) 担任。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org。
If you become a This American Life Partner, you'll get bonus content, ad-free listening, and more.
如果您成为“This American Life”合作伙伴，您将获得奖励内容、无广告收听等。
To join, go to thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners.
如需加入，请访问 thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners。
That link is also in the show notes.
该链接也在节目注释中。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
I'm Chana Joffe-Walt.
我是查娜·乔夫-沃尔特。
Ira Glass will be back next week with more stories of This American Life.
艾拉·格拉斯将于下周回归，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
This American Life This American Life 与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。