851: Try a Little Tenderness - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #851 | January 23, 2026 851: Try a Little Tenderness Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 851 集 | 2026 年 1 月 23 日 851：尝试一点温柔 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而生，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass Mae's six years old, in first grade.
序言： 序言 艾拉·格拉斯·梅六岁，上一年级。
And she's the kind of forthright kid who, when we sit down for an interview, before I can get to any of the things that I want to ask her, she launches into a few get-to-know-you questions of her own.
她是那种直率的孩子，当我们坐下来接受采访时，在我回答我想问她的任何事情之前，她就会自己提出一些了解你的问题。
Hi, Mae.
嗨，梅。
Mae Uh, what's your favorite color?
梅 呃，你最喜欢什么颜色？
We discuss favorite colors.
我们讨论最喜欢的颜色。
And then she moves on to--
然后她继续——
What's your middle name?
你的中间名是什么？
Ira Glass I'm glad you're asking me that.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：我很高兴你问我这个问题。
My middle name is--
我的中间名是——
We move on to last names.
我们继续讨论姓氏。
And soon, she's instructed me on the pronunciation of her last name.
很快，她就教我她姓氏的发音。
Can you say "Zmyou-jen-ski"?
你能说“Zmyou-jen-ski”吗？
That's how you say it.
你就是这么说的。
"Zmeel-jensky." Mae [SNORTS] "Zmyou-jen-ski".
“兹梅尔-詹斯基。” Mae [哼哼]“Zmyou-jen-ski”。
Z-M-U-D-C-Z-Y-N-S-K-I.
Z-M-U-D-C-Z-Y-N-S-K-I。
The story I was there to talk to Miss "Zmyou-jen-ski" about happened this fall, at the beginning of the school year.
我在那里与“Zmyou-jen-ski”小姐谈论的故事发生在今年秋天，学年伊始。
In St. Louis, where she lives, it was hot out.
在她居住的圣路易斯，天气很热。
It's sort of a funny story.
这是一个有趣的故事。
So my sister told me to wear long sleeves-- I mean, short sleeves, because it was, like, summer.
所以我姐姐告诉我穿长袖——我是说，短袖，因为那是夏天。
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Mae So-- and I wanted to wear long sleeves, and I just got mad.
Mae So——我想穿长袖，但我很生气。
Yeah.
是的。
Mae And I also said, stop bossing me around.
梅 我也说过，别再对我发号施令了。
Though she really didn't like it, and she has a very fiery temper.
虽然她实在不喜欢这样，而且脾气也很火爆。
This is her older sister, Johanna.
这是她的姐姐，约翰娜。
Johanna's eight, in third grade.
约翰娜八岁，上三年级。
Again, Mae's six, first grade.
再说一次，梅六岁，一年级。
And Johanna, as the older sister, is very aware of the things that make Mae upset.
约翰娜作为姐姐，非常清楚那些让梅心烦意乱的事情。
Especially, she says, when it comes to what Mae is wearing.
她说，尤其是梅的穿着。
Like, she thinks fashion disasters are, like, the worst thing ever to happen.
就像，她认为时尚灾难是有史以来最糟糕的事情。
So she gets really angry when I tell her what to wear.
所以当我告诉她穿什么时，她非常生气。
And yeah, Mae gets very angry a lot.
是的，梅经常生气。
And her face turns red, and yeah.
她的脸变红了，是的。
Here's Mae.
这是梅。
Mae I was, like, so frustrated.
梅，我当时非常沮丧。
I had a big tantrum.
我大发脾气。
You're scrunching your fist as tight as they can go.
你尽可能地攥紧拳头。
Yeah.
是的。
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
And I was, like, jumping and jumping and twitching my legs.
我就像跳啊跳，抽动我的腿。
Meanwhile, Mae and Johanna's mom, Megan, was trying to get them both dressed and ready for school.
与此同时，梅和约翰娜的妈妈梅根正在努力让他们穿好衣服，准备上学。
And I just remember she was screaming, because I said, OK, Mae, you got to calm down so you can still get ready and get out the door.
我只记得她在尖叫，因为我说，好吧，梅，你必须冷静下来，这样你才能做好准备并走出门。
And she was just screaming that the only way she could calm down was if she punched her sister in the face.
她只是尖叫着，唯一能让她平静下来的方法就是打她姐姐的脸。
I told my mom, that's the only way for me to calm down.
我告诉妈妈，这是让我平静下来的唯一方法。
And I said, well, that's not an option.
我说，好吧，这不是一个选择。
So can you think of some other way to calm down?
那你能想点别的办法让自己平静下来吗？
And then, I had to get ready, so I just left, and she was still kind of making quite a bit of noise.
然后，我必须做好准备，所以我就离开了，而她仍然发出很大的噪音。
And then, when I came back, kind of miraculously, the tears had dried.
然后，当我回来时，眼泪奇迹般地干了。
She was smiling.
她微笑着。
Johanna was smiling.
约翰娜微笑着。
What had happened?
发生了什么事？
How did these two little kids work this out so quickly?
这两个小孩子怎么这么快就解决了这个问题？
Well, Mae and Johanna explained, it went down like this.
嗯，梅和约翰娜解释说，事情就这样发生了。
Mae marched herself to Johanna's room and banged on the door.
梅大步走到约翰娜的房间，敲响了门。
Johanna opened the door.
约翰娜打开了门。
And Mae has been working on not giving in to her anger, not taking the low road, but instead, using words, saying what she wants, which she did now.
梅一直在努力不屈服于她的愤怒，不走低俗道路，而是用言语，说出她想要的，她现在就这么做了。
I said, I want to punch you in the face, and that's the only way I can calm down.
我说，我想打你的脸，只有这样我才能冷静下来。
Um, you can punch me in the butt instead.
嗯，你可以打我屁股。
This caught Mae off guard.
这让梅措手不及。
Mae I was like, OK.
梅我当时想，好吧。
And then, I just tried it.
然后，我就尝试了一下。
When you punched her butt, did you punch her like you were super mad?
当你打她屁股时，你是否像非常生气一样打她？
Or did you punch her kind of soft by then, because you were, sort of, half over it?
或者你当时对她的拳头有点软，因为你已经有点过了？
I punched-- I punched it hard.
我打了——我用力打了。
Because, like-- so, like, to try to get all the anger out.
因为，就像——所以，就像，试图发泄所有的愤怒。
Because if I punched it softly, it sort of-- it sort of only lets a couple pieces of the madness out of you.
因为如果我轻轻地打它，它就只能让你摆脱一些疯狂。
And did it work?
它有效吗？
Did you get all the anger out?
你把所有的愤怒都发泄出来了吗？
How was that for you?
你觉得怎么样？
Johanna Um, I'm used to having a lot of siblings, and I get beat up by them all the time.
Johanna 嗯，我已经习惯了有很多兄弟姐妹，而且我总是被他们殴打。
So it didn't really hurt me.
所以这并没有真正伤害我。
Why did that work?
为什么这样有效？
Mae I don't know.
梅 我不知道。
[CHUCKLES]
[笑声]
It's funny.
很有趣。
I wonder if it worked because she was sort of nice about it.
我想知道这是否有效，因为她对此很好。
Like, you came to her all mad, and then she didn't get mad back.
就像，你生气地去找她，然后她没有生气。
Instead, she greeted your anger with niceness.
相反，她以友善的态度应对你的愤怒。
I don't really know why she acted nice to me when I was frustrated.
我真的不知道为什么当我沮丧时她对我表现得很好。
Have you ever heard of this phrase, "turn the other cheek"?
你听说过“把另一边脸转过来”这句话吗？
No. Ira Glass It's something that I think Jesus said.
不，艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）我认为这是耶稣说的。
He said that if somebody slaps you on your right cheek-- like, you know, slaps you on the cheek of your face-- he says, turn the other cheek, and offer the other cheek as well.
他说，如果有人打你的右脸——就像，你知道，打你的脸颊——他说，转动另一张脸，也把另一张脸也给上来。
Even if somebody's mad at you and does something unreasonable, you shouldn't get unreasonable yourself.
即使有人生你的气并做了一些不合理的事情，你自己也不应该变得不合理。
Probably.
大概。
Ira Glass And in this case, your sister turned the other cheek, but it was her butt cheek that she turned.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 在这种情况下，你姐姐转动了另一边脸，但她转动的是她的屁股脸。
[CHUCKLES] That's funny.
[笑]这很有趣。
Ira Glass But it wasn't just Johanna who led them to a quick, peaceful resolution.
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 但不仅仅是约翰娜带领他们达成了快速、和平的解决方案。
Both girls agree that if Mae hadn't asked for what she wanted at the door, if she just punched Johanna, Johanna would have punched back.
两个女孩都同意，如果梅没有在门口问她想要什么，如果她只是打了约翰娜一拳，约翰娜就会回击。
It would have escalated.
事情本来会升级。
Johanna admits she's not always so calm and reasonable with Mae.
约翰娜承认她对梅并不总是那么冷静和通情达理。
But this time, it was clear how to handle her, and Johanna knew exactly what to do.
但这一次，如何对付她已经很清楚了，乔安娜也清楚地知道该怎么做。
And she got what she wanted, so I think that made her happy.
她得到了她想要的，所以我认为这让她很高兴。
I think that's true.
我认为这是真的。
Yeah.
是的。
Like, you didn't say no to her.
就像，你没有对她说不。
Yeah.
是的。
I've been here for six-- I've been with her for six years of my life.
我在这里已经六年了——我已经和她在一起六年了。
I know her pretty well.
我很了解她。
I've known her for her whole life, so I get to watch a whole entire movie about her in my mind.
我认识她一辈子，所以我可以在脑海中观看一整部关于她的电影。
And so you know what to do.
所以你知道该怎么做。
Johanna Yeah.
约翰娜 是的。
Well, today on our show, in these noisy, aggressive times where the people rising to power in this world seem to come in hot, lots of fiery tempers and scrunched-up fists and twitchering legs, we pause for a moment to remember there is another path.
好吧，今天在我们的节目中，在这个喧闹、咄咄逼人的时代，在这个世界上崛起的人们似乎脾气暴躁，握紧拳头，抽搐双腿，我们暂停片刻，记住还有另一条路。
We have stories of people turning the other cheek, pausing, and trying against all odds to see the good in each other, giving themselves over to the feeling in that old Otis Redding song--
我们有这样的故事：人们转过另一边脸，停下来，克服一切困难，试图看到彼此的优点，沉浸在奥蒂斯·雷丁那首老歌中的感觉中——
["TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS" BY OTIS REDDING]
[奥蒂斯·雷丁的《尝试一点温柔》]
Stay tuned for a hardboiled detective, for crows with a vendetta, for righteous spankings and non-spankings, for John Mulaney, and for a bus driver who thought he was God.
请继续关注冷酷的侦探、有仇杀的乌鸦、正义的打屁股和不打屁股、约翰·木兰尼以及自认为是上帝的公交车司机。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
It's This American Life, Act One.
这就是美国生活，第一幕。
So there's an entire genre of movies and other stories, where tough guys who have been through it all and seen the worst in people decide they're going to soften, try a little tenderness, help somebody out who needs the help.
因此，有一整套电影和其他故事，经历过这一切并看到人们最糟糕的一面的硬汉决定他们要软化，尝试一点温柔，帮助那些需要帮助的人。
This happens in old westerns, sci-fi films, spy stories.
这种情况发生在老西部片、科幻片、间谍故事中。
And there's a story like that on stage right now, on Broadway in New York.
现在纽约百老汇的舞台上就有这样的故事。
And I saw this a couple of weeks ago and thought, this story would be perfect for the radio.
几周前我看到了这个，我想，这个故事非常适合在广播中播放。
And the director and producers and writers said, yes.
导演、制片人和编剧都说，是的。
The show is called All In.
该节目名为“All In”。
And it stars John Mulaney, Richard Kind, Fred Armisen, and Chloe Fineman.
该片由约翰·木兰尼、理查德·金德、弗莱德·阿米森和克洛伊·法恩曼主演。
And what they're doing is they're performing a set of short stories on stage by the writer Simon Rich, who's been on our show a few times with his stories.
他们正在做的是在舞台上表演作家西蒙·里奇的一系列短篇小说，他曾多次带着他的故事出现在我们的节目中。
And let's get right to it.
让我们开始吧。
This story is one of the stories in their show.
这个故事是他们节目中的故事之一。
It's called "The Big Nap."
这就是所谓的“大睡”。
[TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING, CARRIAGE RETURN]
[打字机按键咔哒作响，回车]
Chapter one.
第一章。
I woke up just after dawn.
天刚亮我就醒了。
It was a typical morning.
这是一个典型的早晨。
My knees were scraped and bruised.
我的膝盖被擦伤和瘀伤。
My clothes were damp and soiled.
我的衣服又湿又脏。
And my teeth felt like someone had socked me in the jaw.
我的牙齿感觉就像有人用一拳打在我的下巴上。
I reached for the bottle I kept under my pillow and took a sloppy swig.
我伸手拿起放在枕头下的瓶子，喝了一大口。
The taste was foul, but it did the trick.
味道很糟糕，但它确实起到了作用。
Now, I could sit up and think.
现在，我可以坐起来思考了。
Now, I could start to figure out how to somehow face another goddamn day.
现在，我可以开始思考如何面对又一个该死的一天。
I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
我盯着镜子里的自己。
I wasn't getting any younger.
我不再年轻了。
I was two years old.
那年我两岁。
[LAUGHTER] Soon, I would be three, unless I stayed two.
[笑声]很快，我就三岁了，除非我继续两岁。
I wasn't sure if you stayed the age you were or if that changed.
我不确定你是否保持了原来的年龄，或者情况是否发生了变化。
I wasn't sure about a lot of things.
我对很多事情都不确定。
All I knew was I was tired.
我只知道我累了。
Tired of this down and dirty life.
厌倦了这种低落肮脏的生活。
Tired of trying to make some sense out of a world gone mad.
厌倦了试图从一个疯狂的世界中找出一些道理。
The client was waiting for me in my nursery.
客户正在我的托儿所等我。
I'd seen her around before.
我以前见过她。
She'd come on the scene about a year ago, moving into the white bassinet down the hall.
大约一年前，她搬进了走廊那头的白色摇篮。
Some people called her "sweetheart." Others called her "pumpkin." But most people knew her by her full name, Baby Zoe.
有人称她为“甜心”。其他人称她为“南瓜”。但大多数人都知道她的全名“宝贝佐伊”。
Sure, she looked innocent enough with her big, wide eyes and her Princess Elsa onesie.
当然，她的大眼睛和艾莎公主连体衣看起来很天真。
But her past was murky.
但她的过去却很阴暗。
Some said she came from the hospital, but there was also a rumor she'd once lived inside Mommy's tummy.
有人说她是从医院来的，但也有传言她曾经住在妈妈肚子里。
It didn't add up.
它没有加起来。
Still, a job's a job.
不过，工作就是工作。
So what brings you here to see me?
那么是什么让你来这里见我呢？
It's Moomoo.
是穆穆。
She's missing.
她失踪了。
[DRAMATIC PIANO CHORD]
[戏剧性的钢琴和弦]
I rolled my eyes.
我翻了个白眼。
Moomoo went missing all the time.
Moomoo 一直失踪。
It was just the kind of unicorn she was.
她就是这样的独角兽。
Maybe she's under your bassinet.
也许她在你的摇篮下面。
I checked.
我查了一下。
She's not.
她不是。
Detective Her eyes filled with tears.
侦探 她的眼里充满了泪水。
I handed her a tissue, but she didn't know what a tissue was, so she put it in her mouth and tried to eat it.
我递给她一张纸巾，但她不知道纸巾是什么，就放进嘴里尝试着吃。
(MUFFLED) Please, Moomoo's all I have in this whole wide world!
（低声）拜托，Moomoo 是我在这个广阔的世界上所拥有的一切！
Lost toys are small time.
丢失的玩具是小事。
Why should I bust my ass trying to find some unicorn?
我为什么要拼尽全力去寻找独角兽呢？
Probably just turn up under the radiator.
可能只是出现在散热器下方。
I cocked my head doubtfully.
我疑惑地歪着头。
What kind of scratch could a baby like Zoe come up with?
像佐伊这样的婴儿能想出什么样的抓痕呢？
She didn't have a piggy bank.
她没有存钱罐。
She wasn't old enough to have pockets.
她还没有到有口袋的年龄。
[LAUGHTER] What have you got that's worth me getting up for?
[笑声] 你有什么值得我为之奋斗的？
Stickers.
贴纸。
Detective I swallowed.
侦探我咽了口口水。
Are they the, uh-- the fun kind?
他们是那种，呃——有趣的人吗？
They were fun, all right.
他们很有趣，好吧。
I'd never seen so many Batmans in all my life.
我一生中从未见过这么多蝙蝠侠。
How do I know these aren't hot?
我怎么知道这些不热？
Where'd you even get them?
你从哪里得到它们？
I don't remember.
我不记得了。
Sometimes things are just in my hand.
有时候事情就在我手里。
I also don't remember how I got into this room or what we're talking about.
我也不记得我是如何进入这个房间的，也不记得我们在谈论什么。
[LAUGHTER] Detective We're talking about how I'm gonna find your Moomoo.
[笑声] 侦探 我们正在讨论如何找到你的 Moomoo。
You mean it?
你是说这个吗？
Detective That's right, doll.
侦探 没错，娃娃。
I'm on the case.
我正在处理这个案子。
Chapter two.
第二章。
So this is the rug where you last saw your Moomoo?
这就是你最后一次看到你的 Moomoo 的地毯吗？
Have you seen any suspicious characters around lately?
你最近有没有在周围看到任何可疑人物？
Not that I can remember.
我不记得了。
Detective Think hard.
侦探认真思考。
Well, now that you mention it, an old lady appeared out of nowhere yesterday and replaced my parents.
嗯，既然你这么说了，昨天突然出现了一位老太太，取代了我的父母。
Interesting.
有趣的。
Describe her.
描述一下她。
Baby Zoe Gray hair, glasses, smells like yogurt.
宝贝佐伊 灰色的头发，戴着眼镜，闻起来像酸奶。
Sounds like Nana.
听起来像娜娜。
[DRAMATIC PIANO CHORD]
[戏剧性的钢琴和弦]
You know her?
你认识她吗？
Detective I've had run-ins with her before.
侦探 我以前和她有过争执。
Where's Florida?
佛罗里达在哪里？
Detective It's in the sky.
侦探 这是在天上。
How do you get there?
你怎么去那里？
Detective You get in an airplane, and you watch cartoons.
侦探 你坐上飞机，然后看动画片。
And when you wake up, you're in her house, and there's a turkey.
当你醒来时，你在她的房子里，而且有一只火鸡。
[LAUGHTER] Baby Zoe If Nana's from Florida, what's she doing here?
[笑声] 宝贝佐伊 如果娜娜来自佛罗里达，她在这里做什么？
That's what I'm gonna find out.
这就是我要找出的。
Chapter three.
第三章。
Nana was elusive.
娜娜难以捉摸。
Sometimes she was lying in a recliner.
有时她躺在躺椅上。
Sometimes she was small inside a phone.
有时她在手机里很小。
If I was going to track her down, I needed good old-fashioned shoe leather.
如果我要找到她，我需要优质的老式鞋皮。
First, I tried the playroom.
首先，我尝试了游戏室。
Then, I tried the room that has the chairs.
然后，我尝试了有椅子的房间。
I'd been at it for over 10 seconds when I finally caught a break in the case.
我花了 10 多秒钟才终于在箱子里找到了突破。
Nana picked me up and started carrying me.
娜娜把我抱起来，开始背着我。
Before long, she was making a phone call.
没过多久，她就打了电话。
How's the Airbnb?
爱彼迎怎么样？
Are you both wearing sunscreen?
你们都涂防晒霜了吗？
Listen, I can't figure out the Bosch.
听着，我搞不懂博世。
It was impossible to follow.
这是不可能跟随的。
Like all grownups, Nana spoke in a secret code designed to keep her operations hidden.
和所有成年人一样，娜娜用暗语说话，旨在隐藏她的行动。
What does Smart Cycle mean?
智能自行车是什么意思？
Warm or cold?
温暖还是寒冷？
Hold on.
坚持，稍等。
I'm putting you on speaker.
我把你放在扬声器上。
And that's when a familiar voice rumbled out of Nana's phone.
就在这时，娜娜的手机里响起了熟悉的声音。
We're driving to the beach.
我们正开车去海滩。
Just google it, OK?
只要谷歌一下就可以了，好吗？
There was no mistaking it.
毫无疑问。
The voice belonged to Mama.
那声音是妈妈的。
And that could only mean one thing.
这只能意味着一件事。
This one went all the way to the top.
这一路走到了顶峰。
[DRAMATIC PIANO CHORD] Chapter four.
[戏剧钢琴和弦]第四章。
I'm off the case.
我不干这个案子了
That was before I knew the score.
那是在我知道比分之前。
If Mama's mixed up in this, I don't want anything to do with it.
如果妈妈参与其中，我不想与之有任何关系。
Ugh.
啊。
What's wrong with Mama?
妈妈怎么了？
I like Mama.
我喜欢妈妈。
We all like Mama.
我们都喜欢妈妈。
She smells nice and is warm.
她闻起来很香而且很温暖。
But that doesn't change the fact that she runs this whole goddamn town.
但这并不能改变她管理着整个该死的小镇的事实。
[LAUGHTER] Baby Zoe What are you talking about?
[笑声] 宝贝佐伊你在说什么？
Look, you're just a kid, so I'll spell it out for you.
听着，你只是个孩子，所以我会为你拼写出来。
Mama's the big boss around here.
妈妈是这里的大老板。
The doctor, the dentist, the Gymboree instructor.
医生、牙医、金宝贝教练。
They're all on the take.
他们都在行动。
Dadda.
爸爸。
Dadda's just a bagman!
爸爸只是个骗子！
He wears a shiny watch.
他戴着一块闪亮的手表。
It's Mama's the one that's calling all the shots.
一切都是妈妈说了算。
Well-- well, what does this have to do with Moomoo?
好吧——好吧，这和 Moomoo 有什么关系呢？
Oh, don't you get it?
哦，你不明白吗？
This is bigger than Moomoo.
这比Moomoo还要大。
Something's going down here, and I'm not hanging around long enough to find out what it is.
这里出了什么问题，而我却没有在这附近逗留足够长的时间来查明到底发生了什么。
I was halfway to my crib when the girl began to sob.
当我走到婴儿床的一半时，那个女孩开始抽泣。
It didn't take a detective to see she was frightened.
不用侦探就看出她很害怕。
Her eyes were bleary, her face pale and drawn, and at some point, she had pooped big in her pants.
她的眼睛睡眼惺忪，脸色苍白而憔悴，不知何时，她在裤子里大便了。
I got enough problems of my own.
我自己的问题已经够多了。
Why should I risk my hide to help some dame I barely even know?
为什么我要冒着生命危险去帮助一个我几乎不认识的女士？
Chapter five.
第五章。
I shuffled down the hall, trying to figure out why I'd gotten mixed up in this crazy case.
我拖着脚步穿过大厅，试图弄清楚为什么我会卷入这起疯狂的案件中。
Was it just for the Batmans?
难道只是为了蝙蝠侠吗？
Or was it something else?
或者是别的什么？
There was something about that screwy kid.
那个古怪的孩子有些东西。
The world had done her dirty, but somehow it hadn't made us cynical.
这个世界玷污了她，但不知怎的，它并没有让我们变得愤世嫉俗。
She still believed in justice.
她依然相信正义。
She still believed in hope.
她依然相信希望。
She still believed that objects disappeared when you put a surface in front of her, and then reappeared by magic when you took away that surface.
她仍然相信，当你把一个表面放在她面前时，物体就会消失，然后当你拿走那个表面时，物体就会通过魔法重新出现。
She even believed in me.
她甚至相信我。
No one ever had before.
以前没有人经历过。
I decided to swing by the TV room.
我决定去电视房转转。
Classic grownup hangout.
经典的成人聚会场所。
The kind of after-hours joint that doesn't get hoppin' till after bedtime.
那种下班后的聚会，直到睡后才开始狂欢。
I slipped inside and got to work, opening drawers, taking things out, and then dropping them hard on the ground.
我溜进去开始工作，打开抽屉，把东西拿出来，然后把它们重重地扔在地上。
It's an old detective tactic, a way to make sure that you touched everything and that everything got everywhere.
这是一种古老的侦探策略，一种确保你触及所有东西并且所有东西都到达各处的方法。
I'd gone through most of the cabinets when the door burst open.
当门突然打开时，我已经翻遍了大部分柜子。
It was Nana.
是娜娜。
I spotted a closet and sprinted inside, but it turned out to be a dead end.
我发现了一个壁橱，就冲了进去，但结果却是一条死胡同。
How about a nap?
小睡一下怎么样？
Detective I shook my head defiantly.
侦探我挑衅地摇摇头。
If she thought I was going down that easy, she had another thing coming.
如果她认为我会那么容易就倒下，那么她还会有另一件事发生。
I ate the medicine.
我吃了药。
I like to eat things that were yummy, and Nana had used that word when describing the medicine.
我喜欢吃好吃的东西，娜娜在描述药物时用了这个词。
I smiled as the sweet cherry capsule hit my tongue, but it was quickly followed by a different flavor.
当甜樱桃胶囊触及我的舌头时，我微笑着，但很快就有了不同的味道。
The bitter taste of betrayal.
背叛的苦涩滋味。
Chapter six.
第六章。
It wasn't the first time I'd been drugged.
这不是我第一次被下药了。
Still, you couldn't help but marvel at the grownups' depravity.
尽管如此，你还是忍不住惊叹大人们的堕落。
They never did you dirty to your face.
他们从来没有弄脏你的脸。
Haha, no. They preferred to stab you in the back.
哈哈，不。他们宁愿在背后捅你一刀。
They said you could skip your vegetables and snuck them in your mashed potatoes.
他们说你可以不吃蔬菜，把它们藏在土豆泥里。
They said you could sleep in their bed, then they put you in your crib the second you fall asleep.
他们说你可以睡在他们的床上，然后当你睡着的时候他们就把你放在婴儿床上。
They said you could have a present, and then brought you a potty with a bow on it and told you to poop in it in front of them.
他们说你可以得到一份礼物，然后给你带来了一个上面有蝴蝶结的便盆，并让你在他们面前在里面大便。
Like that's some kind of a gift!
就像这是某种礼物！
I stared out the bars of my crib.
我凝视着婴儿床的栏杆。
The grownups had taken my power and my freedom.
大人们夺走了我的权力和自由。
But that just meant I had nothing left to lose.
但这仅仅意味着我已经没有什么可失去的了。
Chapter seven!
第七章！
Baby Zoe Where have you been?
宝贝佐伊你去哪儿了？
I looked everywhere.
我四处张望。
Inside a cup, inside a shoe--
杯子里面，鞋子里面——
But when you're far away, you look small.
但当你离得远的时候，你就显得渺小了。
Objects look big when they're close to you and small when they're far from you.
物体离你近时看起来很大，离你很远时看起来很小。
Oh, god!
哦，天啊！
What's happening?
发生什么事了？
Detective Nana tried to kill me!
娜娜侦探想要杀我！
She drugged me and left me to die inside my crib.
她给我下了药，然后让我死在婴儿床上。
How did you escape?
你是怎么逃出来的？
Detective I said Nana, up, and then Nana came and picked me up.
侦探 我对娜娜说，起来，然后娜娜过来接我。
[LAUGHTER] Baby Zoe Why did she try to help you after trying to kill you?
[笑声] 小佐伊 为什么她在试图杀死你之后还试图帮助你？
So what do we do?
那么我们该怎么办呢？
Detective We run.
侦探 我们跑。
Let's run away together.
我们一起逃吧。
Somewhere far, far away where we can make a brand new start.
在很远很远的地方，我们可以重新开始。
Maybe the den!
也许是书房！
We'll never make it!
我们永远不会成功！
Detective Anything's better than hanging around here like a couple of sitting ducks.
侦探 无论如何都比像一对坐鸭子一样在这里闲逛要好。
Look!
看！
Detective She pointed across the room.
她警探指着房间的另一边。
Nana was headed for the stairs, carrying a clear plastic bag.
娜娜提着一个透明的塑料袋朝楼梯走去。
It's Moomoo!
是姆姆姆！
She's in there.
她就在那里。
Oh, god!
哦，天啊！
Where's Nana taking her?!
娜娜要带她去哪里？！
It's the car's bedroom, where it sleeps.
这是汽车的卧室，汽车睡觉的地方。
Also, there's a big door that goes up and down and is a monster.
还有，有一扇大门，上下起伏，是个怪物。
Well, you can't go down there.
嗯，你不能去那里。
You'll disappear.
你会消失的。
I won't disappear.
我不会消失。
Objects are permanent.
物体是永久的。
Even when you can't see them, they are still there.
即使你看不到它们，它们仍然存在。
You won't.
你不会的。
I promise.
我保证。
Chapter eight.
第八章。
I climbed down the stairs as silently as possible while also still counting out loud to myself, because that's the game I do when I climb stairs.
我尽可能安静地爬下楼梯，同时仍然大声地给自己数数，因为这就是我爬楼梯时做的游戏。
As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I realized Nana was not alone.
当我的眼睛适应黑暗时，我意识到娜娜并不孤单。
Mama and Dadda had returned.
妈妈和爸爸回来了。
What happened?
发生了什么？
Nana It's not my fault.
娜娜这不是我的错。
It's the damn Bosch.
这就是该死的博世。
Why does it have to have so many settings?
为什么要有这么多设置？
I was starting to lose the thread, but then I saw something that made my blood run cold.
我开始失去了线索，但随后我看到了一些让我血液变冷的东西。
It was Moomoo, just where Zoe had said she'd be in the plastic bag.
那就是Moomoo，就是佐伊所说的塑料袋里的地方。
There was only one problem.
只有一个问题。
She'd been murdered.
她被谋杀了。
Her horn had been severed, and her hooves ripped clean off her body.
她的角被切断了，她的蹄子也从她的身上扯了下来。
Nana had taken her life, and now, Mama was back to run the coverup.
娜娜结束了自己的生命，而现在，妈妈又回来掩盖真相了。
I watched with disgust as Dadda obediently tossed Moomoo's corpse into the trash.
我厌恶地看着爸爸顺从地将Moomoo的尸体扔进垃圾桶。
Don't worry.
不用担心。
She'll never know.
她永远不会知道。
[CYNICAL CHUCKLE]
[愤世嫉俗的笑声]
I followed the grownups up the stairs.
我跟着大人们上了楼梯。
I was almost at the top when I heard a disconcerting sound.
就在我快到山顶的时候，我听到了令人不安的声音。
Laughter!
笑声！
I broke out in a cold sweat as I watched Mama take a new unicorn out of a plastic case.
当我看着妈妈从塑料盒里取出一只新的独角兽时，我出了一身冷汗。
Zoe.
佐伊。
Zoe, listen to me.
佐伊，听我说。
That's not the real Moomoo.
那不是真正的Moomoo。
The real Moomoo is dead.
真正的莫莫已经死了。
But this looks like Moomoo.
但这看起来像Moomoo。
Detective No, I know.
侦探 不，我知道。
I can't explain it, but you gotta believe me.
我无法解释，但你必须相信我。
I saw them bury her body.
我看到他们埋葬了她的尸体。
I saw it with my own damn eyes.
我亲眼所见。
But Mama said this was Moomoo.
但妈妈说这是Moomoo。
She used the word, "Moomoo," and pointed at it.
她用了“Moomoo”这个词，并指着它。
I grabbed her by the shoulders.
我抓住她的肩膀。
You can't trust Mama.
你不能相信妈妈。
You can't trust any of them.
你不能相信他们中的任何一个。
They're all in on this together!
他们都在一起！
Don't buy into their lies!
不要相信他们的谎言！
[ZOE YELLING] Mama Easy, sweetie.
[佐伊大喊] 妈妈，轻松点，亲爱的。
Remember, we play gentle.
请记住，我们行事温和。
The grownups were closing in on me.
大人们正在逼近我。
I didn't have much time.
我没有太多时间。
Zoe, baby, they're going to nab me any second.
佐伊，宝贝，他们随时都会抓住我。
But before they do, please, I need to hear you say something.
但在他们这样做之前，拜托，我需要听你说些什么。
I need to hear you say that you believe me.
我需要听你说你相信我。
I need to hear you say that this isn't Moomoo.
我需要听你说这不是 Moomoo。
But Mama said it was.
但妈妈说是的。
Detective Whew.
呜侦探。
I thought we had something.
我以为我们有东西。
Something real.
真实的东西。
I suppose I've been a fool.
我想我一直是个傻瓜。
I'll just take my Batmans and go.
我会带着我的蝙蝠侠走。
Uh-oh, looks like someone got into the Hanukkah drawer.
呃哦，看起来有人进入了光明节的抽屉。
I watched with silent rage as Mama snatched the stickers from my hand.
我默默地愤怒地看着妈妈从我手里夺走了贴纸。
He's going through a phase, sneaking around, getting into everything.
他正在经历一个阶段，偷偷摸摸，涉足一切。
He thinks he's a little detective.
他认为自己是一个小侦探。
The grownups laughed in my face.
大人们当面嘲笑我。
And as the sick coffee breath hit my nose, something snapped inside my brain.
当令人作呕的咖啡气息喷到我的鼻子时，我的大脑里有什么东西断裂了。
Before I could stop myself, I was lunging at them, arms flailing and legs kicking.
我还没来得及阻止自己，就向他们猛扑过去，挥舞着手臂，踢着腿。
Terrible twos!
可怕的二人组！
Ha, ha, ha!
哈哈哈！
Detective I punched and spat as the grownups tried to restrain me.
警探 当大人们试图制止我时，我拳打脚踢，吐口水。
But I was determined not to break this time, no. This time, I wasn't going down without a fight!
但我这次坚决不分手，不。这一次，我不会不战而屈人之兵！
I woke hours later.
几个小时后我醒了。
My mind was so foggy, it took me a second to realize I wasn't there alone.
我的思绪如此模糊，过了一会儿我才意识到我并不孤单。
Staring up at me from the rug was Baby Zoe.
小佐伊在地毯上抬头看着我。
What the hell are you doing here?
你到底在这里做什么？
I brought this for you.
我给你带来了这个。
Detective She slid something to me through the bars of my crib.
警探 她从我婴儿床的栏杆里塞了一样东西给我。
I-- I couldn't make it out in the darkness, but I could feel.
我——我在黑暗中看不清，但我能感觉到。
Soft cape, groovy hooves, fun horn.
柔软的斗篷，美妙的蹄子，有趣的号角。
Oh, don't be crazy, kid.
噢，别发疯，孩子。
This Moomoo is all you have.
这个 Moomoo 就是你所拥有的一切。
I want us to be square.
我希望我们是方形的。
Besides, it's not like it's the real Moomoo.
而且，这并不是真正的Moomoo。
What are you saying?
你在说什么？
Baby Zoe I'm saying I believe you.
宝贝佐伊我是说我相信你。
Anyways, see you around.
无论如何，再见。
She started to crawl away.
她开始爬走。
She was halfway across the very small rug she was on when I said, wait, hey!
当我说，等等，嘿！
Hold on now.
现在坚持一下。
This case isn't closed.
此案尚未结案。
A lot remains unsolved.
还有很多问题尚未解决。
Like what?
比如什么？
Detective We still don't know why Mama and Dadda went away this weekend.
侦探 我们仍然不知道爸爸和妈妈这个周末为什么走了。
Or where they went or what they did there.
或者他们去了哪里或者在那里做了什么。
We don't know why they go to work or what work is, or why they both have glasses.
我们不知道他们为什么去上班，也不知道工作是什么，也不知道为什么他们都戴着眼镜。
We don't know their penis and vagina situation.
我们不知道他们的阴茎和阴道情况。
Or why they take showers and not baths.
或者为什么他们要淋浴而不是泡澡。
We don't even know if Mama and Dadda are their real names.
我们甚至不知道妈妈和爸爸是否是他们的真名。
That's a lot to crack.
有很多事情需要破解。
Detective Sure, but I was thinking maybe it'd be easier if we cut a deal.
警探 当然可以，但我想如果我们达成协议也许会更容易一些。
What are you saying?
你在说什么？
Detective I'm saying partners.
侦探 我说的是伙伴。
You and me.
你和我。
Well, I don't have any experience.
嗯，我没有任何经验。
You'd have to train me.
你得训练我。
It won't take long.
不会花很长时间的。
We can start right now.
我们现在就可以开始。
I handed her a crayon to take notes.
我递给她一支蜡笔让她做笔记。
OK, I'm completely lost.
好吧，我完全迷路了。
I don't know where I am, and I forgot what time it is!
我不知道自己在哪里，也忘记了现在是什么时间！
I-- I don't know if I'm awake or if this is a dream!
我——我不知道我是醒着还是在做梦！
And also, I do not understand mirrors.
而且，我不懂镜子。
Don't worry, kiddo.
别担心，孩子。
We'll figure it all out.
我们会解决一切的。
Together.
一起。
John Mulaney, Chloe Fineman, Richard Kind, and Fred Armisen.
约翰·木兰尼、克洛伊·法恩曼、理查德·金德和弗莱德·阿米森。
They're the stars of All In: Comedy About Love.
他们是《全力以赴：爱情喜剧》的明星。
But the cast is going to change soon and star other great people.
但演员阵容很快就会改变，并由其他伟大人物主演。
The show was written by Simon Rich.
该剧由西蒙·里奇编剧。
It runs through February 16 on Broadway, New York City, at the Hudson Theater.
该剧将于 2 月 16 日在纽约市百老汇哈德逊剧院上演。
Coming up-- how do you get a wild animal that hates your guts to turn the other cheek, especially if it doesn't have cheeks?
接下来——你如何让一只讨厌你的野生动物把另一边脸转过来，特别是如果它没有脸呢？
That's in a minute on Chicago Public Radio-- when our program continues.
这是芝加哥公共广播电台的一分钟后节目——我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today on our program, "Try a Little Tenderness," we have stories of people putting aside aggressiveness and anger and disappointment in other human beings, and reaching out in kindness instead.
今天，在我们的节目《尝试一点温柔》中，我们讲述了人们抛开对他人的攻击性、愤怒和失望，转而以善意伸出援手的故事。
We've arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。
Act Two, The Gladiator, starring Ruffled Crow.
第二幕《角斗士》，由皱褶乌鸦主演。
Aviva DeKornfeld brings us this story about a person who tried to be considerate and where it got him.
阿维瓦·德科恩菲尔德 (Aviva DeKornfeld) 为我们带来了这个故事，讲述了一个试图体贴他人的人以及他的遭遇。
This story starts with a little tenderness.
这个故事是从一点点温柔开始的。
Alan Martin's a real nature lover, spends as much time as possible hiking around the mountains and bird-watching near his home in Vancouver.
艾伦·马丁 (Alan Martin) 是一位真正的自然爱好者，他花尽可能多的时间在温哥华的家附近爬山和观鸟。
So it pained him when he had to cut a big tree down in his front yard.
因此，当他不得不砍倒前院的一棵大树时，他感到很痛苦。
Because he didn't want to disturb any of the animals living in it.
因为他不想打扰里面生活的任何动物。
But the tree was starting to rot, and he was afraid it would fall onto his house.
但这棵树开始腐烂，他担心它会倒在他的房子上。
And so like the sensitive environmental scientist that he is, Alan waited until autumn, when he knew that nesting season was over.
艾伦就像一位敏感的环境科学家一样，一直等到秋天，那时他知道筑巢季节已经结束。
And then, just to be extra careful, he brought in an arborist to assess the tree to make sure he wouldn't be messing with any little critters' homes.
然后，为了格外小心，他请了一位树艺师来评估这棵树，以确保他不会弄乱任何小动物的家。
He got the OK and hired a couple guys to cut the tree down while he stood by, directing them this way and that.
他得到了许可，并雇了几个人来砍树，而他则站在旁边，指导他们这样那样。
And then, the next morning, Alan stepped out of his house, and--
然后，第二天早上，艾伦走出家门，然后——
There was this crow sitting in the front lawn, and at a close distance to the steps.
这只乌鸦坐在前面的草坪上，离台阶很近。
And it's just staring right at me.
它只是盯着我看。
[CHUCKLES]
[笑声]
That's very weird.
这很奇怪。
Alan Martin It was a bit off-putting.
艾伦·马丁：这有点令人不快。
I couldn't quite figure it out, but I walked down my path.
我不太明白，但我沿着自己的路走下去。
And as soon as the crow was out of my sight, that's when I got this thump on the back of my head.
乌鸦一离开我的视线，我的后脑勺就受到了重击。
Out of the corner of his eye, Alan saw the crow fly past him.
艾伦用眼角的余光看到乌鸦从他身边飞过。
And he thought, did that crow just hit me?
他想，那只乌鸦刚刚袭击了我吗？
It hurt.
很痛。
And then I did a few little experiments.
然后我做了一些小实验。
I would turn away purposely and walk away, and it would leave the power line, attending another hit.
我会故意转身走开，它就会离开电源线，参加另一次袭击。
And I would turn around just in time, and it would swoop away.
我会及时转身，它就会飞走。
And I did this a couple of times.
我这样做了几次。
It was just clearly waiting for me to turn away, so that it could hit me in the back of the head.
它显然只是在等我转身，以便击中我的后脑勺。
Alan thought, OK, maybe this crow didn't live in this tree, but it must have meant something to it.
艾伦想，好吧，也许这只乌鸦并不住在这棵树上，但它一定对它意味着什么。
He knew that crows are really smart, but they're also very vengeful birds and territorial.
他知道乌鸦非常聪明，但它们也是非常记仇和领地意识很强的鸟类。
And so a short while later, when he walked out of his house--
于是不久之后，当他走出家门时——
I came out, and there was a crow sitting on the line.
我出来了，看到有一只乌鸦坐在绳子上。
But it was a different crow.
但这是一只不同的乌鸦。
How could you tell?
你怎么知道？
Alan Martin It-- it was smaller.
艾伦·马丁 它——它更小。
It was a bit smaller, and it wasn't as bulky.
它有点小，而且体积没有那么大。
OK.
好的。
Alan Martin This crow, when I came outside, it caught at me, as if it almost recognized me, as if, oh, that's the guy.
艾伦·马丁 这只乌鸦，当我走到外面时，它抓住了我，好像它几乎认出了我，好像，哦，就是那个家伙。
It cawed, and then it left.
它叫了一声，然后就离开了。
It flew down the block.
它飞下街区。
And there's a green space at the end of the street.
街道尽头有一片绿地。
And about a minute later, it came back with the enforcer crow.
大约一分钟后，它带着执法者乌鸦回来了。
This smaller crow, snitching on Alan to the bigger crow-- this is a real thing.
这只较小的乌鸦向较大的乌鸦告密艾伦——这是真实的事情。
I ran Alan's story by a crow researcher named Loma Pendergraft.
我由一位名叫洛马·彭德格拉夫特的乌鸦研究员报道了艾伦的故事。
Loma said that if a crow sees something it deems dangerous, it will sound an alarm to summon other crows.
洛马说，如果乌鸦看到它认为危险的东西，它就会发出警报，召唤其他乌鸦。
And if they agree there's a threat, they'll dive-bomb.
如果他们同意存在威胁，他们就会俯冲轰炸。
This whole routine is called "mobbing."
这整个过程被称为“围攻”。
Some people, attacked by a murder of crows-- they'd be angry.
有些人受到乌鸦谋杀的袭击——他们会生气。
Not Alan or his family.
不是艾伦或他的家人。
We felt bad.
我们感觉很糟糕。
Because we realized we'd hurt these crows.
因为我们意识到我们伤害了这些乌鸦。
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, that was initially.
[笑] 是的，最初是这样。
But as the harassment persisted over the coming days, it became a source of anxiety, just going outside.
但随着骚扰在接下来的几天持续不断，外出就成了焦虑的根源。
So the compassion for the crow, I would say, waned over time a little bit because of that.
因此，我想说，随着时间的推移，对乌鸦的同情心因此而有所减弱。
And my next questions were, how long is this going to go on for?
我的下一个问题是，这种情况会持续多久？
Science actually has an answer to this question.
对于这个问题，科学其实已经有了答案。
It turns out crows can hold grudges for a very long time.
事实证明，乌鸦可以记仇很长时间。
Back in 2006, John Marzluff, who is a professor in wildlife science at the University of Washington-- he set up an experiment to test this.
早在 2006 年，华盛顿大学野生动物科学教授约翰·马兹鲁夫 (John Marzluff) 就进行了一项实验来测试这一点。
He put on this ugly, orange, ogre mask and walked around an area where he knew crows lived.
他戴上这个丑陋的橙色食人魔面具，在他知道有乌鸦居住的地方走来走去。
And then, he captured a bunch of the crows while the rest of the flock looked on.
然后，他捕获了一群乌鸦，而其余的乌鸦群则在一旁观看。
Then he released them.
然后他释放了他们。
The point was to distress the crows, but not hurt them.
目的是让乌鸦感到痛苦，但不要伤害它们。
And then, for the next 17 years, every time he put on his ogre mask and walked around the place where he first captured the birds, the crows would swarm him.
然后，在接下来的17年里，每当他戴上食人魔面具，在他第一次捕捉到鸟的地方走动时，乌鸦就会蜂拥而至。
For years, each time he returned, more and more crows would join in.
多年来，他每次回来，都会有越来越多的乌鸦加入。
Because crows not only remember their enemies, but pass their grievances onto their crow children and grandchildren.
因为乌鸦不仅记得敌人，还会将怨气传递给乌鸦子孙。
Alan was not aware of all of that.
这一切艾伦都不知道。
So for weeks, he'd leave his house every day, hoping the birds had finally forgotten about him.
因此，连续几个星期，他每天都会离开家，希望鸟儿们终于忘记了他。
No such luck.
没有这样的运气。
So he tried a new tactic.
于是他尝试了新的策略。
I put on a wig and a beard, and the crow was looking hard.
我戴上假发，留起胡子，乌鸦看上去很卖力。
It was kind of turning its head a bit, side to side.
它有点把头从一边转向另一边。
You can tell it was trying to figure out who this was.
你可以看出它正在试图找出这是谁。
But it didn't recognize me.
但它没有认出我。
Just a PSA.
只是一个公益广告。
There are other ways to ward off an angry crow, should you not have a wig on hand.
如果您手头没有假发，还有其他方法可以抵御愤怒的乌鸦。
You can hide yourself under an umbrella so the crows can't see you.
你可以把自己藏在雨伞下，这样乌鸦就看不到你了。
Or you can wear sunglasses backwards.
或者你也可以反戴太阳镜。
Apparently, crows understand that sunglasses go on your eyes.
显然，乌鸦知道太阳镜戴在你的眼睛上。
And they know that if you can see them, you can potentially hurt them.
他们知道，如果你能看到他们，就有可能伤害他们。
So they won't attack the back of your sunglassed head, because they think you have an extra set of eyes back there.
所以他们不会攻击你戴着墨镜的后脑勺，因为他们认为你那里有一双额外的眼睛。
Anyway, Alan's disguise-- it was working perfectly for him.
不管怎样，艾伦的伪装——对他来说非常有效。
And then, I ripped off the beard and the wig, and the crow flipped.
然后，我扯掉了胡子和假发，乌鸦翻转了。
It flipped out.
它翻了出来。
It just literally-- it kind of flipped back, up into the air a little bit.
它只是字面意义上的——它有点向后翻转，稍微上升到空中。
But it was completely in shock and extremely pissed off.
但它却是彻底震惊了，并且极其愤怒。
Like, how dare you?
就像，你怎么敢？
It sounds like you're developing a whole kind of relationship with these birds, almost.
听起来你几乎正在与这些鸟建立一种完整的关系。
Yeah.
是的。
It's a relationship of antagonism, and it's not a rewarding one.
这是一种对抗关系，而且不是一种有益的关系。
Alan decided he had to make amends with the crows.
艾伦决定必须向乌鸦们赔罪。
A real truce.
真正的休战。
But how do you do that?
但你如何做到这一点呢？
How do you make things right with a couple of birds?
如何与几只鸟相处融洽？
If you could have just sat down with them and I could have apologized, and maybe they could have explained why those trees were so important, and I could have shown some understanding for them.
如果你能和他们坐下来，我就可以道歉，也许他们可以解释为什么这些树如此重要，我也可以对他们表现出一些理解。
And maybe we could have worked things out that way.
也许我们可以这样解决问题。
But because we're unable to do that, I just thought food is maybe the next best thing.
但因为我们无法做到这一点，所以我认为食物可能是退而求其次的选择。
Food, you know, the tool of every animal trainer that's ever lived.
你知道，食物是每一个驯兽师的工具。
And so I found this kind of brass, gold-colored plate.
于是我找到了这种黄铜金色的板。
It was shiny.
它很闪亮。
And so I put some almonds on it, and I walked outside with it above my head, kind of, holding my arms straight above my head.
所以我在上面放了一些杏仁，然后我走到外面，把它举过头顶，就像是把我的手臂举过头顶。
And I laid it out on the lawn.
我把它放在草坪上。
The crows caw at him loudly while he puts the plate down.
当他放下盘子时，乌鸦大声地对他叫。
He goes back inside.
他回到里面。
And a couple hours later, Alan sees the plate sitting there, empty.
几个小时后，艾伦看到盘子放在那里，空的。
The almonds are gone.
杏仁没了。
I did that for another three days.
I did that for another three days.
And then, it was on the fourth day.
然后，就到了第四天。
I came outside with the plate, but they weren't cawing this time.
我拿着盘子来到外面，但这次他们没有叫。
They seemed more subdued, less aggressive.
他们看起来更加柔和，不那么咄咄逼人。
And I put the plate out, I went back inside, and that was the last time I saw them.
我把盘子拿出来，回到里面，那是我最后一次见到他们。
The crow researcher told me that it seemed like, since Alan had merely stressed the crows out and not actually hurt them, it might have been easier for them to forget why they were mad at him in the first place.
乌鸦研究员告诉我，似乎艾伦只是给乌鸦带来了压力，并没有真正伤害它们，所以它们可能更容易忘记最初为什么生他的气。
Alan said the whole thing, having a couple of birds angry at him-- it kind of hurt his feelings.
艾伦说了整件事，有几只鸟对他生气——这有点伤害了他的感情。
It's not like he's naive.
他并不天真。
He knows nature doesn't care about his feelings.
他知道大自然并不关心他的感受。
It's just that he loves nature so much, and his intentions were good.
只是他非常热爱大自然，而且他的初衷是好的。
He can't help but feel like it would have been nice if the crows had shown a little tenderness towards him.
他不禁觉得，如果乌鸦们对他表现出一点温柔就好了。
Aviva DeKornfeld is a producer of our program.
Aviva DeKornfeld 是我们节目的制作人。
Act Three, You'll Spank Me Later For This.
第三幕，稍后你会为此打我屁股的。
So in the show today about tenderness, we turn now to comedian Josh Johnson, who's been thinking a lot lately about when tenderness is called for, and when the opposite of tenderness may actually be the right way to go.
因此，在今天关于温柔的节目中，我们现在转向喜剧演员乔什·约翰逊，他最近一直在思考什么时候需要温柔，什么时候温柔的反面可能才是正确的做法。
OK.
好的。
This is like-- this is, like, a contentious thing.
这就像——这是一件有争议的事情。
So just stick with me for a second.
所以请跟我一起等一下。
Because it's weird-- it's weird that people are weird about it.
因为这很奇怪——人们对此感到奇怪，这很奇怪。
OK.
好的。
So my friends are having kids, right?
所以我的朋友们都有孩子了，对吧？
A lot of them are starting to have kids, so they're all having the conversation about if they're going to spank their kids, right?
他们中的很多人都开始生孩子了，所以他们都在讨论是否要打孩子屁股，对吧？
And people have very strong feelings either way.
不管怎样，人们都有非常强烈的感受。
Some people think, like, oh, if it's rare and it's warranted, then a spanking here and there is not that bad.
有些人认为，哦，如果这种情况很罕见并且有必要的话，那么到处打屁股也没有那么糟糕。
And then, some people are like, no, this is, like-- this is full-on abuse.
然后，有些人会说，不，这是，这完全是虐待。
This is, like, you're creating trauma and everything.
这就像，你正在制造创伤和一切。
And I'm not even telling anybody how to feel.
我什至没有告诉任何人我的感受。
Like, I know that I was spanked when I was a kid.
就像，我知道我小时候被打屁股。
And it made sense that I was spanked, because we were poor.
我被打屁股是有道理的，因为我们很穷。
Do you understand what I mean?
你明白我的意思吗？
There was nothing to take away.
没有什么可以带走的。
You know?
你知道？
Like, there was a year that my mom and I shared a bedroom when I was a little kid.
就像，当我还是个小孩子的时候，有一年我和妈妈共用一间卧室。
What was she going to take away?
What was she going to take away?
The floor?
地板？
[LAUGHTER] Like, rest of the month, you float from now on.
[笑声] 就像，从现在开始，这个月剩下的时间里，你就会漂浮起来。
And if I catch you not floating, that's your ass, all right?
如果我发现你没有漂浮，那就是你的屁股了，好吗？
Do you see what I mean?
你明白我的意思吗？
Because I was in a-- I was in a very weird position at one point.
因为我曾经处于一个非常奇怪的境地。
Because I didn't have much money, but I got a scholarship.
因为我没有多少钱，但是我得到了奖学金。
And my family pooled their money together to make the ends meet for me to go to this Catholic school, right?
我的家人凑了钱让我入读这所天主教学校，对吗？
So I was a kid with no money, going to school with kids with real money.
所以我是一个没有钱的孩子，和有钱的孩子一起上学。
Like, money where they don't need to read.
Like, money where they don't need to read.
[LAUGHTER] You know what I'm talking about?
[笑声]你知道我在说什么吗？
You know that proper money that you can't mess up?
你知道那笔钱是你不能乱花的吗？
You know that old money?
你知道那个老钱吗？
And so I remember, there was one time we were-- we were sitting around the lunch table.
所以我记得，有一次我们围坐在午餐桌旁。
And, uh-- and this one kid-- yeah, I said something about my mom spanking me for something, and we were still in junior high or whatever.
而且，呃 - 还有这个孩子 - 是的，我说过我妈妈因为某事打我屁股，而我们还在初中或其他什么的。
So I was talking about a time from before, you know.
所以我说的是以前的一段时间，你知道。
And then, this other kid was like, oh, don't worry about it.
然后，另一个孩子说，哦，别担心。
My dad still spanks me, right?
我爸爸还在打我屁股，对吗？
And I was like, ooh.
我当时想，哦。
Um.
嗯。
I feel like, no matter your-- no matter your feelings on spanking, we've all met-- we've all met, like, a grown man that deserved to have their ass beat.
我觉得，无论你——无论你对打屁股的感受如何，我们都遇到过——我们都遇到过，一个应该被打屁股的成年人。
And I think the thing for me-- the thing for me is that when-- could it have happened earlier?
我认为对我来说，对我来说，问题是什么时候——它可以更早发生吗？
And I want to be clear here.
我想在这里澄清一下。
I'm not, like, blanketing, cosigning anything.
I'm not, like, blanketing, cosigning anything.
I'm asking questions, genuinely.
我是在问问题，真心的。
I'm asking questions, because people are very split on it.
我问问题是因为人们对此存在很大分歧。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
But once again, we've all met a dude who, like-- damn.
但再一次，我们都遇到了一个家伙，他就像——该死的。
[LAUGHTER] He really probably had it coming sooner than today.
[笑声]他真的可能比今天更早到来。
But then, how do you-- how do you gauge that, you know?
但是，你如何——你如何衡量这一点，你知道吗？
Because I get what some people are saying.
Because I get what some people are saying.
Some people are like, look, we're all individuals.
有些人会说，看，我们都是独立的个体。
So even though you have your kids and your kids have a part of you in them, they're still going to be different people.
因此，即使你有你的孩子，你的孩子身上也有你的一部分，他们仍然是不同的人。
So then, how do you make sure that this kid doesn't walk away with the worst lesson possible, the worst feeling possible from this thing that worked out for you, but it might not work out for them?
那么，你如何确保这个孩子不会从这件事中得到最糟糕的教训，最糟糕的感觉，这件事对你有效，但对他们可能不起作用？
That's a scary thing.
这是一件可怕的事情。
You know?
你知道？
Like-- OK.
就像——好吧。
I used to-- I used to be, like, very nervous about moving to New York, right?
我曾经——我曾经对搬到纽约感到非常紧张，对吧？
I moved to New York years ago.
几年前我搬到了纽约。
And I remember when I got to Brooklyn, I saw a fight when I got there.
我记得当我到达布鲁克林时，我看到了一场打斗。
And it was a-- these were two, kind of, big guys.
这是两个大块头。
One guy was, like, medium-sized, bigger than me, and he was muscular.
有一个人中等身材，比我大，而且肌肉发达。
And he looked like he knew how to fight, because he did all the stances.
他看起来就像知道如何战斗，因为所有的姿势都是他做的。
He knew where to put his shoulders, put his fists.
他知道肩膀应该放在哪里，拳头应该放在哪里。
He could kick.
他可以踢。
He's either trained MMA in boxing, or he's watched all the movies.
他要么接受过拳击综合格斗训练，要么看过所有电影。
Like, this guy-- this guy really knows how to move, right?
就像，这个家伙——这个家伙真的知道如何移动，对吧？
And then, the big guy was just a big guy.
And then, the big guy was just a big guy.
Like, he was-- he was that-- you know that type of big where you can't tell if it's fat or muscle?
就像，他是——他就是——你知道那种大块头，你分不清是脂肪还是肌肉吗？
You just know it's in the way.
You just know it's in the way.
Right?
正确的？
You know he can move things where he wants them to go.
你知道他可以把东西移到他想要的地方。
Just a big guy.
只是一个大家伙。
Right?
正确的？
And I don't know-- I don't know exactly what they were fighting about, but it felt like one of those fights.
我不知道——我不知道他们到底在为什么而吵架，但感觉就像是其中一场争吵。
It felt like one of those fights where they really wanted to fight their dad.
这感觉就像是一场他们真的想和他们的父亲战斗的战斗。
[LAUGHTER] Have you ever been-- OK, have you ever been in a bar, and then you see a fight brew-- you can smell it brewing.
[笑声] 你有没有去过——好吧，你有没有去过酒吧，然后你看到一场战斗——你可以闻到它正在酝酿。
And then you're also like, I think if you had, like, punched your dad years ago, none of this would be happening right now.
然后你也会想，我想如果你几年前打了你爸爸一拳，现在这一切都不会发生。
Like, if you had just had one good row with him, this would be a quiet evening, right?
就像，如果你刚刚和他吵了一架，这将是一个安静的夜晚，对吧？
And, uh, they were going at each other.
And, uh, they were going at each other.
And some of it was punching.
And some of it was punching.
Some of it was kicking.
其中一些正在踢。
Now, the guy that was, like, on the bigger side and muscular-- he really knew his way around.
现在，这个身材魁梧、肌肉发达的家伙——他真的很了解自己的路。
Like, he was even doing the hop of someone who knows how to fight.
就像，他甚至在做一个懂得如何战斗的人的跳跃。
You know that little light-foot hop where you're like, they're about to get into it.
你知道你在哪里轻快地跳跃，他们即将进入其中。
OK.
好的。
And then, there was one moment-- because I walked out of this bar, because I was doing a show, like a bar show with my friends, and then we were all walking out.
然后，有一个时刻——因为我走出了这个酒吧，因为我正在做一场表演，就像和我的朋友们一起的酒吧表演，然后我们都走了出去。
And we all saw this, like, happening.
And we all saw this, like, happening.
It would start on the sidewalk, and it spilled into the street.
它会从人行道开始，然后蔓延到街道上。
And basically, he's doing the hops, and he goes for a lunge.
基本上，他会进行跳跃，然后进行弓步。
He goes for, like, this big punch, right?
He goes for, like, this big punch, right?
And when he goes for the big punch, the big dude moves out of the way and grabs his wrist.
当他出重拳时，大个子闪开并抓住他的手腕。
And they both look at it.
And they both look at it.
They both look at it like-- he grabs his wrist and looks at it.
他们俩看着它就像——他抓住他的手腕看着它。
And then he looks at it like, uh-oh.
And then he looks at it like, uh-oh.
And--
还有——
[LAUGHTER] And then-- and then, he grabs his wrist, and with his other hand, he grabs the back of the dude's belt.
[笑声]然后——然后，他抓住他的手腕，用另一只手抓住那家伙的腰带后面。
Right?
正确的？
Pulls him forward, knocks the guy, pretty much, off balance, lets go of the wrist, passes the belt to his other hand, lifts him up, and then-- spanked him in public.
把他向前拉，把他撞倒，几乎失去平衡，松开手腕，把皮带递到他的另一只手上，把他举起来，然后——当众打他屁股。
And like--
就像——
I had never seen somebody with a beard get spanked before.
我以前从未见过留胡子的人被打屁股。
Like--
就像——
[LAUGHTER] And he's really, like, floating and everything.
[笑声]他真的，就像，漂浮着什么。
And this guy is like, letting him have it, right?
这家伙就像是让他拥有它，对吧？
Like, one after the other.
Like, one after the other.
This dude spanked him so much, he took a break.
这家伙打了他这么多屁股，他休息了一下。
There was one point where he was holding him suspended in the air by his belt, but also like-- whew.
有一次，他用皮带将他悬在空中，但也像——哇。
And then, after, like, the 36th lick, lets go to the belt.
然后，在第 36 次舔之后，让我们进入腰带。
Dude drops to the ground.
哥们儿摔倒在地。
He gets up, and he sort of limps off.
He gets up, and he sort of limps off.
A lot of expletives and stuff, but it's kind of done.
虽然说了很多脏话什么的，但是已经完成了。
And this guy goes back into the bar we were just in.
然后这个家伙又回到了我们刚才所在的酒吧。
Because he wasn't watching the show.
因为他没有看节目。
The show was in, like, a back room.
The show was in, like, a back room.
This guy was just in the bar.
这家伙刚刚在酒吧里。
And I had no idea, like, what the fight was about.
我不知道这场战斗是关于什么的。
Because, once again, we had already walked out, and it was already happening.
因为，再一次，我们已经走出去，而事情已经发生了。
But he walked back in, and I'm like-- I'm a curious duck.
但他又走了进来，我就想——我是一只好奇的鸭子。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
Like--
就像——
[LAUGHTER] So I go back in after him, and I'm like, hey, man, are you OK?
[笑声] 所以我跟着他回去，我说，嘿，伙计，你还好吗？
Which is a weird thing to ask him.
问他这件事很奇怪。
But-- it's like, are you OK?
但是——就像，你还好吗？
What was all that about?
那是怎么回事？
And then, he turns to me and goes-- I look like a lot of dudes' dads.
然后，他转向我说——我看起来像很多男人的爸爸。
This dude was, like, 30.
这家伙大约30岁。
And he-- and he looked like he could be a dad, right?
而他——他看起来可以当爸爸了，对吧？
And so he's like, no, I just look like a lot of dudes' dads.
所以他说，不，我只是看起来像很多男人的爸爸。
And I was like, wow, how did you find that out?
我当时想，哇，你是怎么发现的？
And he was like, oh, yeah.
他说，哦，是的。
You know, after the fourth or fifth fight--
你知道，在第四次或第五次战斗之后——
--you just start to put things together.
——你刚刚开始把事情放在一起。
And he told me.
他告诉我。
He told me that sometimes he goes to the bar with his friends.
他告诉我，有时他会和朋友一起去酒吧。
And he's like, after a while, I can just tell, some guy starts looking at me.
过了一会儿，我可以看出，有人开始看着我。
And then, he comes, and he starts jawing at me.
然后他来了，开始对我大骂。
And I can tell it's not about me, because it's-- I was just sitting here.
我可以看出这不是关于我的，因为这是——我只是坐在这里。
I wasn't doing anything.
我什么也没做。
And then he wants to fight.
然后他想战斗。
And he either swings at me first or he says, let's go outside.
他要么先向我挥拳，要么说，我们出去吧。
But this happens pretty often.
但这种情况经常发生。
And I was like, wow, are you a dad, though?
我当时想，哇，你是爸爸吗？
And he was like, yeah.
他说，是的。
Josh Johnson.
乔什·约翰逊。
Check out his YouTube channel, Josh Johnson Comedy.
观看他的 YouTube 频道“乔什·约翰逊喜剧”。
Tour dates, videos, and albums are at joshjohnsoncomedy.com.
巡演日期、视频和专辑请访问 joshjohnsoncomedy.com。
Act Four, The Feels on the Bus.
第四幕，公交车上的感受。
There are, of course, so many people who believe that being tenderhearted is not a good way to live in this tough and unforgiving world.
当然，有很多人认为，在这个艰难无情的世界里，心地善良并不是一个好的生活方式。
For some people, it's a matter of principle.
对于某些人来说，这是一个原则问题。
They think it works out better for everybody that way.
他们认为这样对每个人都更好。
Etgar Keret has this short story about someone like that.
Etgar Keret 有一个关于这样的人的短篇故事。
This is a story about a bus driver who would never open the door of the bus for people who were late.
这是一个关于一个公交车司机永远不会为迟到的人打开车门的故事。
Not for anyone.
不适合任何人。
Not for repressed high school kids who'd run alongside the bus and stare at it longingly, and not for high-strung people in windbreakers who'd bang on the door as if they were actually on time, and it was the driver who was out of line.
不适合那些压抑的高中生，他们沿着公共汽车跑，渴望地盯着它；也不适合穿着风衣的紧张的人，他们会敲打车门，好像他们真的准时了，而司机不合时宜。
And not even for little old ladies with brown paper bags full of groceries, who struggled to flag him down with trembling hands.
甚至连拎着装满食品杂货的棕色纸袋的小老太太也没有，她们用颤抖的双手奋力地把他拦下来。
And it wasn't because he was mean that he didn't open the door.
而且他也不是因为吝啬才不开门的。
Because this driver didn't have a mean bone in his body.
因为这个司机身上并没有什么卑鄙的骨头。
It was a matter of ideology.
这是一个意识形态问题。
The driver's ideology said that even if the delay caused by opening the door for someone who came late, was just under 30 seconds, and even if not opening the door meant that this person would wind up losing 15 minutes of his life, it would still be more fair to society to not open the door.
司机的意识形态认为，即使为迟到的人开门造成的延误不到30秒，即使不开门意味着这个人最终会失去15分钟的生命，但不开门仍然对社会更公平。
Because the seconds would be lost by every single passenger on the bus.
因为公交车上的每一位乘客都会浪费几秒钟。
And if there were, say, 60 people on the bus who hadn't done anything wrong and had all arrived to the bus stop on time, then together, they'd be losing half an hour, which is double 15 minutes.
比如说，如果车上有 60 个人，他们没有做错任何事，而且都准时到达了公交车站，那么他们加起来就会损失半个小时，也就是 15 分钟的两倍。
This was the only reason why he never opened the door.
这是他一直不开门的唯一原因。
He knew that the passengers hadn't the slightest idea what his reason was, and that the people running after the bus and signaling him to stop had no idea either.
他知道乘客们根本不知道他的理由是什么，那些追着公交车示意他停车的人也根本不知道。
He also knew that most of them thought he was just an ass [BLEEP], and that personally, it would have been much, much easier for him to let them on and receive their smiles and thanks.
他还知道他们中的大多数人认为他只是个混蛋[BLEEP]，就个人而言，对他来说，让他们接受并接受他们的微笑和感谢要容易得多。
Except that when it came to choosing between smiles and thanks on the one hand and the good of society on the other, this driver knew what it had to be.
只是当要在微笑和感谢和社会的美好之间做出选择时，这位司机知道它必须是什么。
The person who should have suffered the most from the driver's ideology was named Eddie.
最应该受到司机思想影响最深的人名叫艾迪。
But unlike the other people in this story, he wouldn't even try to run for the bus.
但与这个故事中的其他人不同的是，他甚至不会尝试跑公交车。
That's how lazy and out of it he was.
这就是他的懒惰和懒惰。
Now, Eddie was assistant cook at a restaurant called The Steakout, which was the best pun that the stupid owner of this place could come up with.
现在，埃迪是一家名为“The Steakout”的餐厅的助理厨师，这是这个地方的愚蠢老板能想出的最好的双关语。
The food there was nothing to write home about.
食物没什么可写的。
But Eddie himself was a really nice guy.
但埃迪本人是一个非常好的人。
So nice, that sometimes when something he made didn't come out too great, he'd serve it to the table himself and apologize.
太好了，有时当他做的东西效果不太好时，他会亲自把它端到餐桌上并道歉。
It was during one of these apologies that he met happiness, or at least a shot at happiness, in the form of a girl that was so sweet that she tried to finish the entire portion of roast beef he brought her, just so he wouldn't feel bad.
正是在其中一次道歉中，他遇到了幸福，或者至少是幸福的一次机会，以一个如此甜蜜的女孩的形式出现，她试图吃完他给她带来的整份烤牛肉，只是为了让他不会感到难过。
And this girl didn't want to tell him her name or give him her phone number.
这个女孩不想告诉他她的名字或给他她的电话号码。
But she was sweet enough to agree to meet him the next day at 5:00 at a spot they decided on together.
但她很友善，同意第二天下午 5:00 在他们一起决定的地点见面。
The Dolphinarium, to be exact.
确切地说，是海豚馆。
Now, Eddie had this condition, one that had already caused him to miss out on all sorts of things in life.
现在，埃迪得了这种病，已经让他错过了生活中的很多事情。
It wasn't one of those conditions where your adenoids get all swollen or anything like that.
这不是腺样体肿胀或类似情况的情况之一。
But still, it had already caused him a lot of damage.
但即便如此，这已经给他造成了很大的伤害。
This sickness always made him oversleep by 10 minutes, and no alarm clock did any good.
这种病总是让他睡过十分钟，而且闹钟也起不了任何作用。
That was why he was always late for work at The Steakout.
这就是他在 The Steakout 上班总是迟到的原因。
That, and our bus driver, the one who always chose the good of society over smiles and thanks.
还有我们的公交车司机，他总是选择社会的利益而不是微笑和感谢。
Except that this time, since happiness was at stake, Eddie decided to beat the condition.
只是这一次，由于幸福岌岌可危，埃迪决定战胜这种状况。
And instead of taking an afternoon nap, he stayed awake and watched television.
他没有午睡，而是保持清醒地看电视。
Just to be on the safe side, he even lined up, not one, but three alarm clocks, and ordered the wakeup call to boot.
为了安全起见，他甚至排好了闹钟，不是一个，而是三个，然后下令启动叫醒服务。
But this sickness was incurable, and Eddie fell asleep like a baby, watching the kiddy channel.
但这种病无法治愈，艾迪一边看着儿童频道，一边像婴儿一样睡着了。
He woke up in a sweat to the screeching of a trillion, million alarm clocks.
他被一万亿、一百万个闹钟的尖叫声惊醒，大汗淋漓。
10 minutes too late.
晚了10分钟。
Rushed out of the house without stopping to change and ran toward the bus stop.
连忙跑出家门，没有停下来换衣服，就向公交车站跑去。
He barely remembered how to run anymore, and his feet fumbled a bit every time they left the sidewalk.
他几乎不记得如何跑步了，每次离开人行道时，他的脚都会有点笨拙。
The last time he ran was before he discovered he could cut gym class, which was about in the sixth grade.
他最后一次跑步是在他发现自己可以逃掉体育课之前，那是在六年级的时候。
Except that unlike in those gym classes, this time, he ran like crazy.
只是与那些体育课不同的是，这一次他疯狂地奔跑。
Because now, he had something to lose.
因为现在，他已经失去了一些东西。
And all the pain in his chest and his Lucky Strike wheezing weren't going to get in the way of his pursuit of happiness.
而他胸口的所有疼痛和幸运一击的喘息都不会妨碍他追求幸福。
Nothing was going to get in his way.
没有什么能妨碍他。
Except our bus driver, who had just closed the door and was beginning to pull away.
除了我们的巴士司机，他刚刚关上车门，正要开走。
The driver saw Eddie in the rearview mirror.
司机从后视镜里看到了艾迪。
But as we've already explained, he had an ideology that, more than anything, relied on love of justice and on simple arithmetic.
但正如我们已经解释过的，他的意识形态最重要的是依赖于对正义的热爱和简单的算术。
Except that Eddie didn't care about the driver's arithmetic.
只是埃迪并不关心司机的算术。
For the first time in his life, he really wanted to get somewhere on time.
他有生以来第一次真正想准时到达目的地。
And that's why he went right on chasing the bus, even though he didn't have a chance.
这就是为什么他继续追公共汽车，尽管他没有机会。
But then, Eddie's luck turned.
但随后，埃迪的运气发生了转变。
But only halfway.
但只完成了一半。
100 yards past the bus stop, there was a traffic light.
过了公交车站100米，有一个红绿灯。
And just a second before the bus reached it, the traffic light turned red.
就在公交车到达目的地前一秒，交通灯变成了红色。
Eddie managed to catch up with the bus and to drag himself all the way to the driver's door.
埃迪设法追上了公共汽车，并一路拖着自己来到了司机门前。
He didn't even bang on the glass, he was so weak.
他连玻璃都没有敲，他太虚弱了。
He just looked at the driver with moist eyes and fell to his knees, panting and wheezing.
他只是用湿润的眼睛看着司机，然后跪倒在地，气喘吁吁。
And this reminded the driver of something.
这让司机想起了一件事。
Something from out of the past, from a time before he wanted to become a bus driver, when he still wanted to become God.
一些来自过去的事情，来自他想成为一名公共汽车司机之前的一段时光，当时他还想成为上帝。
It was kind of a sad memory, because the driver didn't become God at the end.
这是一段悲伤的回忆，因为司机最终没有成为上帝。
But it was a happy one, too, because he became a bus driver, which was his second choice.
但这也是一件快乐的事，因为他成为了一名公交车司机，这是他的第二选择。
And suddenly, the driver remembered how he at once promised himself that if he became God in the end, he'd be merciful and kind and would listen to all his creatures.
突然，司机想起他当时是如何向自己许诺的，如果他最终成为上帝，他会仁慈仁慈，会倾听他所有创造物的声音。
So when he saw Eddie from way up in his driver's seat, kneeling on the asphalt, he simply couldn't go through with it.
所以当他看到埃迪坐在驾驶座上跪在柏油路上时，他简直无法忍受。
And in spite of all his ideology and his simple arithmetic, he opened the door, and Eddie got on and didn't even say "thank you," he was so out of breath.
尽管他有那么多的意识形态和简单的算术，他还是打开了门，艾迪上了车，甚至没有说“谢谢”，他气喘吁吁。
OK.
好的。
Maybe the best thing would be to stop listening right now.
也许最好的办法就是现在停止聆听。
Because even though Eddie did get to the Dolphinarium on time, happiness didn't come.
因为尽管艾迪确实准时到达了海豚馆，但幸福并没有到来。
Because happiness already had a boyfriend.
因为幸福已经有男朋友了。
It's just that she was so sweet that she couldn't bring herself to tell Eddie, so she preferred to stand him up.
只是她实在太可爱了，无法忍心告诉艾迪，所以她宁愿放他一马。
Eddie waited for her on the bench they'd agreed on for almost two hours.
艾迪在他们约定的长凳上等了她将近两个小时。
While he sat there, he kept thinking all sorts of depressing thoughts about his life.
当他坐在那里时，他不断地思考着关于他的生活的各种令人沮丧的想法。
And while he was at it, he watched the sunset, which was a pretty good one, and thought about how cramped his legs were going to be later on.
当他这样做的时候，他看着日落，那是一个相当好的日落，他想着以后他的腿会多么抽筋。
When he was really desperate to get home, he saw his bus in the distance, pulling in at the bus stop and letting go of passengers.
当他真的很想回家时，他看到远处他的公共汽车在车站停下来并让乘客下车。
And he knew that even if he'd had the strength to run, he'd never catch up with it anyway.
而且他知道，就算他有力气跑，也永远追不上它。
So he just kept on walking slowly, feeling about a million tired muscles with every step.
于是他就继续慢慢地走，每走一步都感觉上百万块肌肉疲惫。
And when he finally reached the bus stop, he saw that the bus was still there, waiting for him.
当他终于到达公交车站时，他看到公交车还在那里等着他。
And even though the passengers were shouting and grumbling to get a move on, the driver waited for Eddie, and he didn't touch the accelerator till Eddie was seated.
尽管乘客们大喊大叫，抱怨着要继续前进，但司机仍在等待埃迪，直到埃迪坐下后他才踩油门。
And when they started moving, he looked in the rearview mirror and gave Eddie a sad wink, which somehow made the whole thing almost bearable.
当他们开始移动时，他看着后视镜，悲伤地向艾迪眨了眨眼睛，这不知怎的让整个事情变得几乎可以忍受。
Etgar Keret, reading the title story from his collection, The Bus Driver Who Wanted to be God, and Other Stories.
埃特加·凯雷特（Etgar Keret）正在阅读他的文集《想成为上帝的公交车司机和其他故事》中的同名故事。
If you want to get a short story in your email from Etgar once a week, you can sign up for that at his Substack, at [email protected] that's Keret, K-E-R-E-T.
如果您想每周从 Etgar 的电子邮件中收到一篇短篇小说，您可以在他的 Substack 上注册，地址是 [email protected]，即 Keret，K-E-R-E-T。
Credits Ira Glass Our program was produced today by Ike Sriskandarajah and Henry Larson.
图片来源 Ira Glass 今天我们的节目由 Ike Sriskandarajah 和 Henry Larson 制作。
The people who put together today's show include Jendayi Bonds, Angela Gervasi, Tobin Low, Stowe Nelson, Nadia Reiman, Anthony Roman, Ryan Rumery, Frances Swanson, Christopher Swetala, Matt Tierney, and Julie Whitaker.
今天节目的制作人包括 Jendayi Bonds、Angela Gervasi、Tobin Low、Stowe Nelson、Nadia Reiman、Anthony Roman、Ryan Rumery、Frances Swanson、Christopher Swetala、Matt Tierney 和 Julie Whitaker。
Our managing editor, Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑莎拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼。
Our senior editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的高级编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
Special thanks today to the team at All In on Broadway-- director Alex Timbers, producers Micah Frank and Greg Nobile, also Scott Rowan and Allison Ebling, Wagner Johnson Productions, O&M, and everybody else at the Hudson Theater.
今天特别感谢 All In on Broadway 的团队——导演 Alex Timbers、制片人 Micah Frank 和 Greg Nobile、Scott Rowan 和 Allison Ebling、Wagner Johnson Productions、O&M 以及哈德逊剧院的其他所有人。
Also thanks today to Emily Woodbury and Griffin Dunne.
今天还要感谢艾米丽·伍德伯里和格里芬·邓恩。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
To become a This American Life Partner, which gets you bonus content, ad-free listening, and hundreds of our favorite episodes of the show that will show up right in your podcast feed, go to thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners.
要成为 This American Life 合作伙伴，您可以获得奖励内容、无广告收听以及数百个我们最喜欢的节目剧集（这些剧集将直接显示在您的播客源中），请访问 thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners。
It's a great deal.
这是一个伟大的交易。
It helps us out.
它可以帮助我们。
That link is also in the show notes.
该链接也在节目注释中。
Thanks this week to Life Partners Stacey Dixson, Dan Evans III, Matthew Rahtz, Sarah Reen, Elan Saratovsky, and Joe Thorne.
本周感谢生活伙伴 Stacey Dixson、Dan Evans III、Matthew Rahtz、Sarah Reen、Elan Saratovsky 和 Joe Thorne。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
You know, he's been throwing out all of his old CDs, every single one, but he is such a Bono fan.
你知道，他已经扔掉了所有的旧 CD，每一张，但他是波诺的忠实粉丝。
He looks at the package, Joshua Tree, Achtung Baby, and screams--
他看着包裹，约书亚树，阿童宝贝，尖叫起来——
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。