838: Letters! Actual Letters! - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #838 | August 8, 2025 838: Letters!
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 838 集 | 2025 年 8 月 8 日 838：来信！
Actual Letters!
真实的信件！
Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass One thing I didn't know about delivering mail-- you're not supposed to walk down to the sidewalk after each house.
序言：序言 Ira Glass 关于递送邮件，我不知道一件事——你不应该在经过每栋房子之后走到人行道上。
You're supposed to cut across the lawn to the next house if you want to finish the route on time.
如果你想按时完成路线，你应该穿过草坪到下一栋房子。
I mean, they time us.
我的意思是，他们给我们计时。
We're not supposed to go down to the sidewalk every time if we can avoid it.
如果可以避免的话，我们不应该每次都走到人行道上。
Grass, yes.
草，是的。
Everybody wants the government to be efficient, except for the mailman to walk across their grass.
每个人都希望政府高效，除了邮递员穿过他们的草地。
But people like these guys built a path for me.
但像这些人这样的人为我开辟了一条道路。
So, yeah, there's a little dirt path in between these bushes.
所以，是的，这些灌木丛之间有一条小土路。
'Cause they're nice.
因为他们很好。
Ira Glass I went out with a letter carrier named Grace as she walked around.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 我和一位名叫格蕾丝（Grace）的邮递员出去，她四处走动。
It was a pretty day in a leafy, lovely neighborhood.
这是在绿树成荫、可爱的街区度过的美好的一天。
Grace carried a shoulder bag with flats and catalogs and parcels.
格蕾丝背着一个单肩包，里面装着平底鞋、商品目录和包裹。
And, of course, somebody built a path for her to cut to the house next door.
当然，有人为她修建了一条通往隔壁房子的路。
She can talk to anybody.
她可以和任何人交谈。
She's interested in other people.
她对其他人很感兴趣。
So at this point, she knows at least a little bit about most of the people on her route.
所以此时，她对沿途的大多数人至少都了解一点。
Most of them, she's actually seen their faces.
他们中的大多数人，她实际上都见过他们的脸。
She'll walk up to a house.
她会走到一栋房子前。
Sometimes it'll be like the cousin out front or whatever.
有时会像前面的表弟之类的。
And I'll even know that.
我什至会知道这一点。
I'll be like, you have the same face as the wife.
我会说，你的脸和妻子一样。
And I know she has family in Denmark.
我知道她在丹麦有家人。
You're the Denmark sister.
你是丹麦妹妹。
I'll just know it when I'm walking up.
当我走上去的时候我就会知道。
And then she's like, [IMITATING DANISH].
然后她就说，[模仿丹麦人]。
And I'm like, ah, I told you.
我就像，啊，我告诉过你了。
I'll just know a lot about people.
我会了解很多关于人的事情。
There's the house with the stay-at-home mom whose son makes drawings for Grace, the public defenders who get public defender mail, but somehow also have an insanely posh house with gorgeous landscaping.
这里有一位全职妈妈的房子，她的儿子为格蕾丝（Grace）画画，格蕾丝是公设辩护人，负责收到公设辩护人的邮件，但不知何故，她也有一座极其豪华的房子，风景优美。
There's the hardcore Christians whose dog always lunges at the door like he's going to break through the glass.
有一些铁杆基督徒，他们的狗总是冲向门口，就像要打破玻璃一样。
There's the dad who organizes the kids' softball league that Grace's daughter is in and the guy with pancreatic cancer who seems like he doesn't have much time left at all.
格蕾丝女儿参加的儿童垒球联赛的组织者是父亲，而患有胰腺癌的人似乎已经没有多少时间了。
And nicest guy.
和最好的人。
And it's just-- you can't help but think about it every day.
只是——你每天都会情不自禁地想它。
Yes, and lots of mail started coming from old friends and stuff.
是的，很多邮件开始来自老朋友之类的。
Yeah.
是的。
I'm not using Grace's real name or telling you anything about where she works so this private information can stay private, like it should.
我不会使用格蕾丝的真实姓名，也不会告诉您有关她工作地点的任何信息，因此这些私人信息可以保持私密，就像它应该的那样。
Our show today is about the mail.
我们今天的节目是关于邮件的。
And Grace's understanding of who's who on her route is like a pilot knowing the weather they're dealing with.
格蕾丝对航线上的人物的了解就像飞行员了解他们正在处理的天气一样。
It's very helpful to doing her job, like with this couple on the route where the woman moved to the apartment across the hall and filed a forwarding address, and the guy did not.
这对她的工作非常有帮助，就像这对夫妇在路线上一样，女人搬到了大厅对面的公寓并提交了转发地址，而男人却没有。
But Grace knows the guy is still with her, so she forwards his mail also, even without the form.
但格蕾丝知道那个人仍然和她在一起，所以她也转发了他的邮件，即使没有表格。
At one house this particular day, there's a postcard for the landlord who Grace knows does not live at that address.
在这一天的一所房子里，有一张寄给房东的明信片，格蕾丝知道房东并不住在那个地址。
I'm going to dispose of it in what we call the undeliverable bulk business mail bin.
我将把它扔到我们所说的“无法投递的大宗商业邮件箱”中。
UBBM.
UBBM。
She could toss it out like that because it's not first class mail.
她可以就这样把它扔掉，因为这不是头等邮件。
So it doesn't get returned to sender and it doesn't get forwarded.
因此，它不会返回给发件人，也不会被转发。
It just goes to waste.
它只会浪费。
Oh, it's junk mail.
噢，这是垃圾邮件。
Grace That's correct.
格蕾丝 这是正确的。
We don't use that term.
我们不使用这个术语。
What do you say?
你怎么说？
Grace We're forbidden from saying that.
格蕾丝 我们不准这么说。
Bulk mail or standard class mail.
批量邮件或标准类邮件。
Because junk mail implies a value judgment.
因为垃圾邮件蕴含着一种价值判断。
That's correct.
这是正确的。
And this is what pays our salaries, the so-called junk mail.
这就是我们工资的来源，即所谓的垃圾邮件。
Grace has an ex-girlfriend on her route, somebody she was with decades ago.
格蕾丝的路上有一位前女友，她是几十年前的伴侣。
And earlier in the day, she tossed out a piece of bulk mail at her house.
当天早些时候，她在家里扔了一封大宗邮件。
She pauses for a second before she tells me about it.
她停顿了一下才告诉我这件事。
She lost a child several years ago during the pandemic, and that kid got a piece of bulk mail today.
几年前，她在大流行期间失去了一个孩子，那个孩子今天收到了一封大宗邮件。
So I was able to throw it away without her seeing it, because I know.
所以我可以在她看不见的情况下把它扔掉，因为我知道。
And I was very grateful for that, being able to discard that piece of mail for her today so she didn't have to see her dead kid's name when she got her mail today.
我对此非常感激，今天能够为她丢弃那封邮件，这样她今天收到邮件时就不必看到她死去的孩子的名字了。
That felt really good.
那种感觉真的很好。
But with all these customers on her route, there are some that do this thing that just gets under Grace's skin.
但由于她的路线上有这么多顾客，有些人的做法让格蕾丝很恼火。
So this situation-- yeah.
所以这种情况——是的。
Ira Glass She opens a mailbox jammed full of mail.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）她打开了一个塞满邮件的邮箱。
So this never gets-- none of this mail will ever get picked up.
所以这永远不会发生——这些邮件都不会被收到。
See how much.
看看多少钱。
Now, just describe what you just pulled out of that mailbox.
现在，描述一下您刚刚从邮箱中取出的内容。
So this is a whole bunch of what one might call junk mail-- coupons.
这是一大堆人们可能称之为垃圾邮件的东西——优惠券。
She holds up a stack of these thick weekly advertising mailers.
她举起一叠厚厚的每周广告邮件。
So this is five weeks' worth.
这是五周的时间。
And I've definitely put packages in here, and they come out.
我肯定已经把包裹放在这里了，然后它们就出来了。
So they're checking.
所以他们正在检查。
Grace They look in to see if there's anything they want.
格蕾丝 他们进去看看有没有他们想要的东西。
And then if there's something they want, they take it out.
然后如果他们想要什么东西，他们就会把它拿出来。
But it makes it kind of hard to deliver mail when it's packed full, you know?
但是，当邮件装满时，投递就会变得困难，你知道吗？
Like, who do you expect to clean up after you?
比如，你希望谁来清理你的尸体？
Who's gonna come-- your mom-- and empty your mailbox for you?
谁会来——你的妈妈——帮你清空你的邮箱？
Like, just get your mail.
就像，只是收到你的邮件。
And I just find it very inconsiderate.
我只是觉得这很不体贴。
On another street, we walk up to a house with a hand-painted sign in the window saying "Palestine will be free." It also usually has mail stuffed in its mailbox for weeks, including their mail-in ballots.
在另一条街上，我们走到一所房子前，窗户上挂着一个手绘牌子，上面写着“巴勒斯坦将获得自由”。它还通常将邮件塞在邮箱中数周，其中包括邮寄选票。
And they would walk by every day for a week and a half, walk right by the ballot, sticking right out of the mailbox.
他们会在一周半的时间里每天路过选票旁边，直接从邮箱里伸出来。
That mailbox right there.
那个邮箱就在那里。
Grace That mailbox right there.
格雷斯 那个邮箱就在那里。
So you could see it from the street.
所以你可以从街上看到它。
You could see the ballot.
你可以看到选票。
You can see it from the street, and you can see it when you walk by.
街上就能看到，路过也能看到。
It's very, very easy to grab on the way in.
进去的时候非常非常容易抓住。
But they didn't manage to do that for weeks.
但他们几周后都没能做到这一点。
I don't know-- I wonder what it's like to go through life not seeing things around you.
我不知道——我想知道在生活中看不见周围的事物是什么感觉。
But it's very possible that they see, but just the mail is not important to them at all.
但很有可能他们看到了，但仅仅邮件对他们来说根本不重要。
Right, and I understand that if it was full of crap, but they obviously care about politics.
是的，我理解如果其中充满了废话，但他们显然关心政治。
And I consider my ballot a sacred object, kind of.
我认为我的选票是一个神圣的物体。
And they just kept walking by and walking by.
他们只是一直走过去。
It's not like it's heavy.
这不像是很重的样子。
It's not like it's cumbersome.
倒不是觉得很麻烦。
It's just a matter of not caring at all or not seeing it.
这只是根本不关心或没有看到的问题。
I don't know which.
我不知道是哪一个。
Does it make you mad?
这会让你生气吗？
Grace Sometimes, yeah.
格蕾丝 有时，是的。
I can, actually-- I was telling someone the other day that I can kind of gauge my mood by a specific mailbox that I get to because it's always full.
事实上，我可以——前几天我告诉某人，我可以通过我收到的特定邮箱来衡量我的心情，因为它总是满的。
And if it doesn't bother me that much, I know I'm doing well that day.
如果这对我没有那么困扰，我知道那天我做得很好。
But if I get into a rage about it, I know that something's bothering me.
但如果我对此感到愤怒，我就知道有什么事情困扰着我。
You know what I'm saying?
你知道我在说什么吗？
I can check back in my life and figure out what's making me so mad, because that mailbox will really anger me.
我可以回顾一下我的生活，找出是什么让我如此生气，因为那个邮箱真的会让我生气。
Grace has been doing this long enough-- over two decades-- starting before the internet really kicked in fully.
格雷斯在互联网真正全面普及之前就已经这样做了足够长的时间——二十多年了。
And she remembers when everyone's relationship to their mail was different, before so much was on email.
她还记得当时每个人与邮件的关系都不同，那时电子邮件还没有那么多东西。
There were tons of business letters, first class mail, magazines back then.
当时有大量的商业信函、普通邮件和杂志。
She was carrying way more of that, instead of what she carries now.
她当时携带的东西比现在携带的要多得多。
As far as what I consider crap-- that's just ads-- I guess it's probably 85%, 90% of what I deliver, if you exclude the parcels, because they're just the crap that people bought 'cause the ad told them to.
就我所认为的垃圾——那只是广告——我想这可能是我交付的85%、90%，如果你排除包裹的话，因为它们只是人们因为广告告诉他们买的垃圾。
[LAUGHS]
[笑]
I mean, it's funny 'cause when this country was founded, the mail was the internet.
我的意思是，这很有趣，因为当这个国家成立时，邮件就是互联网。
Yes.
是的。
Ira Glass Benjamin Franklin could get any job he wanted in the new government.
艾拉·格拉斯·本杰明·富兰克林可以在新政府中找到他想要的任何工作。
And he's like, I want to be the postmaster.
他说，我想成为邮政局长。
Yeah, communications.
是的，通讯。
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass 'Cause it's being like Steve Jobs or something.
艾拉·格拉斯 因为它就像史蒂夫·乔布斯之类的。
It is.
这是。
Right, it was.
没错，确实如此。
And there's still vestiges of that self-importance this agency still has.
该机构仍然保留着那种自我重要性的痕迹。
They told us in training that if an ambulance, a fire truck, a police car, and a postal truck all come to a four-way stop at the same time, who has the right of way?
他们在训练中告诉我们，如果救护车、消防车、警车、邮政车同时来到四路停车处，谁有路权？
The postal truck.
邮政卡车。
That somehow that's actually true in the Constitution, which is hilarious.
不知怎的，这在宪法中确实是正确的，这很搞笑。
Do you have this feeling of, like, you have this job that used to be a kind of noble calling and snow nor rain nor gloom of night, and then it moved from delivering stuff that people really, really wanted and needed and was essential to just delivering a lot of garbage?
你是否有这样的感觉，比如，你的这份工作曾经是一种崇高的使命，无论是雪、雨还是阴暗的夜晚，然后它就从提供人们真正、真正想要和需要的东西，变成了仅仅提供大量垃圾？
Yeah, totally.
是的，完全可以。
It's kind of achingly true that a lot of what we deliver is just garbage that people don't want.
确实令人痛心的是，我们提供的很多东西只是人们不想要的垃圾。
And you have to make your peace with the theory that that's the revenue that sustains the important work of-- because what we actually offer is dependability.
你必须接受这个理论，即这是维持重要工作的收入——因为我们实际上提供的是可靠性。
We come every day.
我们每天都来。
So if you have a return or whatever, you just put it out there.
因此，如果您有回报或其他什么，您只需将其放在那里即可。
We take it right there.
我们就在那里拿走它。
We know who you are, and we know the name.
我们知道你是谁，我们也知道你的名字。
We know the people who used to live there.
我们认识曾经住在那里的人。
And I know where to take their mail.
我知道去哪里取他们的邮件。
Grandma sends them something, and they move three times in between-- I can get it to them.
奶奶给他们送了东西，他们中间搬了三趟——我可以给他们送东西。
We do that all the time at work.
我们在工作中一直这样做。
We know people so much better than any other delivery services.
我们比任何其他送货服务都更了解人们。
Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
是啊，是啊，是啊。
I mean, I really do like it.
我的意思是，我真的很喜欢它。
I really do think it's important.
我确实认为这很重要。
You have to, because it's every day for years and years and years, you know?
你必须这样做，因为年复一年的每一天都是如此，你知道吗？
When it comes to the mail that we think of when we think of the mail that we want to get, it's letters, personal letters, the old-fashioned kind, where somebody pours out their heart to somebody else by hand.
说到邮件，当我们想到我们想要收到的邮件时，我们想到的是信件，私人信件，老式的那种，有人亲手向别人倾诉心声。
I asked Grace to comb through the 25 pounds of stuff she was carrying for this one block swing on her route to see if she could find even one handwritten, personal letter.
我让格蕾丝仔细梳理一下她在途中经过一个街区时携带的 25 磅重的东西，看看是否能找到一封手写的私人信件。
Let's see.
让我们来看看。
Financial, financial, secret to wealth-- I guess we'd call that financial.
金融，金融，财富的秘密——我想我们会称之为金融。
That's a bill.
那是一张账单。
That's another bill.
那是另一笔账单。
Insurance reminder, bill, political.
保险提醒，账单，政治。
No. Zero fun mail on this block today.
不。今天这个街区的有趣邮件为零。
This day, over the course of the entire day, over 350 homes, she delivered only three personal, handwritten letters.
这一天，在一整天的时间里，她只向 350 多个家庭发出了三封私人手写信。
Do you write letters?
你写信吗？
Grace No. Every once in a while, I do.
格蕾丝 不。每隔一段时间，我就会这样做。
I feel so proud of myself.
我为自己感到非常自豪。
Probably once every five years.
大概五年一次。
[CHUCKLES] I really wish I was more of a letter writer.
[笑]我真的希望我更像是一个写信的人。
Wait, why do you wish you were a letter writer?
等等，你为什么希望自己成为一名写信人？
Because it seems like such a great hobby.
因为这似乎是一个很棒的爱好。
When I do write one, I feel extremely good.
当我写一篇的时候，我感觉非常好。
It's a nice exercise.
这是一个很好的练习。
It's nice to imagine the person getting it.
很高兴想象得到它的人。
It's wonderful if they write you back.
如果他们给你回信那就太好了。
It's one of those things I'm like, oh, I should do more of this, but I just don't.
这是我想的事情之一，哦，我应该做更多这样的事情，但我就是没有。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I feel like I have the same impulse sometimes to write somebody, but then I really just type it and send the email, you know?
我觉得有时我也有同样的冲动想给某人写信，但后来我真的只是打字并发送电子邮件，你知道吗？
Yeah, correct.
是的，正确。
Ira Glass And that seems to be the same feeling.
Ira Glass 这似乎是同样的感觉。
It's not, though.
但事实并非如此。
Try writing a letter sometime.
找个时间试着写封信。
You'll see how different it is.
你会发现它有多么不同。
Different parts of your brain come out.
你大脑的不同部分就会出来。
You say things you wouldn't say.
你说了一些你不会说的话。
And plus, getting the physical thing from the other person, it's more-- there's a connection that the physicality of the letter brings a connection.
另外，从对方那里得到实体的东西，更重要的是——信件的实体性带来了一种联系。
I don't have sentimentality for that part of it, but it's undeniable that getting a letter, a real letter, is exciting.
我对这一部分没有感伤，但不可否认的是，收到一封信，一封真正的信，是令人兴奋的。
It's rare.
这是很少见的。
The kind of letter where somebody sat down-- "dear you, from me"-- and really tried to say something that needed to be said, where they're putting something into words for the very first time or correcting the record or trying to persuade.
在这种信中，有人坐下来——“亲爱的你，我写的”——并真的试图说出一些需要说的话，他们第一次将某些内容用语言表达出来，或者纠正记录，或者试图说服。
And they know it's going to go better if they do it in writing.
他们知道，如果以书面形式进行，事情会进展得更好。
Today, on our show, we dive into all sorts of dramas, laid out on the page.
今天，在我们的节目中，我们深入探讨页面上列出的各种戏剧。
Today we have sincere letters, funny letters, and one letter on a big, life changing mission.
今天，我们收到了真诚的信、有趣的信，以及一封关于改变生活的重大使命的信。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》。
Sincerely yours, Ira Glass.
此致，艾拉·格拉斯。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
Act One, "Dear Alice." So we start with this letter, which is very much somebody trying to figure out something that has been hard to figure out.
第一幕，“亲爱的爱丽丝”。所以我们从这封信开始，这封信很大程度上是有人试图弄清楚一些一直难以弄清楚的事情。
It's written by Nicole Piasecki about something that happened when she was in high school.
这是妮可·皮亚塞茨基 (Nicole Piasecki) 写的，讲述了她高中时发生的一件事。
Here's Nicole.
这是妮可。
Dear Alice, 1.
亲爱的爱丽丝，1。
I've started to write this letter at least 20 times in as many years, which is way too much time.
多年来我已经开始写这封信至少 20 次，这实在是太多时间了。
I need to find a way to finally be done with this.
我需要找到一种方法来最终完成这件事。
The only way I've ever gotten close is by writing in fragments.
我接近的唯一方法就是通过碎片写作。
2.
2.
When I first walked into your high school English class in Chelsea, Michigan, school had been a struggle for me.
当我第一次走进密歇根州切尔西的高中英语课时，学校对我来说是一场挣扎。
Every class felt focused on how fast you could do something and how right you could be.
每节课都集中在你能多快地做某事以及你能有多正确。
Yours wasn't.
你的不是。
I still remember the one afternoon senior year.
我还记得高年级的一个下午。
We'd finished a vocabulary quiz.
我们完成了词汇测验。
You said, "Open your notebooks, and close your eyes." We looked at you strangely at first, but we trusted you enough to follow along.
你说：“打开你的笔记本，闭上你的眼睛。”一开始我们用奇怪的眼神看着你，但我们足够信任你，就跟着走了。
You dimmed the lights.
你把灯调暗了。
"Imagine you're walking alone through the depths of a woodland forest," you said.
“想象一下，你正独自行走在林地深处，”你说。
We could hear you slowly pacing and your long, sensible skirt swaying with each step.
我们可以听到你慢慢地踱步，你那长而漂亮的裙子随着每一步而摇曳。
You guided us along a path in the woods, pointing to tiny mushrooms, a toad at the water's edge.
您引导我们沿着树林中的小路前进，指着水边的小蘑菇和蟾蜍。
Eventually, you told us to open our eyes and to start writing, to keep describing whatever wilderness we'd conjured in our minds.
最终，您告诉我们睁开眼睛，开始写作，继续描述我们脑海中想象的任何荒野。
No teacher had ever asked me to write something from my own imagination, and I loved it.
从来没有老师要求我根据自己的想象写一些东西，我很喜欢它。
I started keeping a journal.
我开始写日记。
Everyone, if they're lucky, has at least one teacher who changes their life or makes them feel at home in school.
如果幸运的话，每个人都至少有一位老师可以改变他们的生活，或者让他们在学校有宾至如归的感觉。
That's who you were to me-- my favorite teacher.
这就是您对我来说的人——我最喜欢的老师。
3.
3.
I'd never given much thought to my teachers' lives outside of school.
我从来没有过多考虑过老师们在校外的生活。
You were a fixture in that corner classroom, a woman who seemed to exist wholly there.
你是那个角落教室里的常客，一个似乎完全存在于那里的女人。
I never would have imagined that you were married to a man who kept a gun beneath his pillow.
我从来没想到你会嫁给一个枕头底下放着枪的男人。
4.
4.
I took Chemistry I with your husband in 1992 when I was a sophomore.
1992 年，我和你丈夫一起选修了化学 I，当时我还是一名大二学生。
He wore that plaid and wool hunting jacket and drank coffee out of that small, plastic cup that doubled as a lid to his tall vacuum thermos.
他穿着那件格子和羊毛狩猎夹克，用那个小塑料杯喝咖啡，这个塑料杯兼作他的高真空保温瓶的盖子。
His hands sometimes shook when he lifted the cup to his lips.
当他把杯子举到唇边时，他的手有时会颤抖。
He kept his haggard ponytail pulled back with a thin rubber band.
他用一根细橡皮筋将憔悴的马尾辫向后拉。
I remember that he played loud rock music on the stereo while we did experiments.
我记得当我们做实验时，他在立体声音响上大声播放摇滚音乐。
Though I interpreted his personality as arrogant and strange, I didn't dislike him as much as I quietly despised the subject of chemistry.
虽然我把他的性格理解为傲慢和奇怪，但我并不像我悄悄鄙视化学学科那样讨厌他。
You should know that I've always struggled with solving complicated formulas.
你应该知道我一直在努力解决复杂的公式。
5.
5.
My dad never told me things that a teenager didn't need to know, and I never thought to ask very many questions.
我父亲从来不会告诉我青少年不需要知道的事情，我也从来没有想过要问很多问题。
He mostly kept his work life separate from his home life.
他基本上将工作生活与家庭生活分开。
I didn't know what a school superintendent did all day, and I never thought to ask him.
我不知道一个学长整天在做什么，我也没有想过去问他。
One night, though, when I was standing in our kitchen by the sliding glass door, my dad walked up to me with his hands in the pockets of his faded weekend jeans and said, "Hey, Nic, when you went in early for chemistry help, did Mr. Leith ever act weird around you?" I looked at my dad for a few seconds and wrinkled my brow.
然而有一天晚上，当我站在厨房里的滑动玻璃门旁时，我爸爸走到我面前，双手插在褪色的周末牛仔裤口袋里，说道：“嘿，尼克，当你早早去寻求化学帮助时，利斯先生在你身边有表现得很奇怪吗？”我看了爸爸几秒钟，皱起了眉头。
Then I defended your husband.
然后我为你丈夫辩护。
"What are you talking about?" I replied.
“你在说什么？”我回答道。
My dad dropped the subject without explanation, and I quickly forgot about it.
我爸爸没有解释就放弃了这个话题，我很快就忘记了这件事。
Even when it was just the two of us, your husband and I in his chemistry lab, he had never said anything inappropriate to me.
即使只有我们两个人，你丈夫和我在他的化学实验室里，他也从未对我说过任何不恰当的话。
I wasn't a pretty girl.
我本来就不是一个漂亮的女孩。
I was self-conscious and tomboyish.
我很不自在，而且很假小子。
Acne spotted my jawline and chin.
我的下巴和下巴上长满了痤疮。
My chest was as flat as a boy's.
我的胸部像男孩一样平坦。
And I was the boss's daughter.
而我是老板的女儿。
6.
6.
Earlier that year, the mother of a quiet, long-haired senior girl called our home telephone at an unusually late hour.
那年早些时候，一位安静的长发高年级女孩的母亲在一个异常晚的时间拨通了我们家的电话。
I answered the call in the kitchen.
我在厨房接了电话。
"Dad, it's for you," I said, in the direction of the living room.
“爸爸，这是给你的。”我朝客厅的方向说道。
He took the call in private.
他私下接了电话。
7.
7.
One of my favorite photographs of my dad is the one where he's sitting next to my hospital bed at St. Joe's in Ypsilanti right after my knee surgery during my senior year.
我最喜欢的一张我父亲的照片是我高四那年膝盖手术后，他坐在伊普西兰蒂圣乔医院病床旁边的照片。
He sat in that uncomfortable chair, staying day and night as my left leg moved, bending and straightening in a constant passive motion machine.
他坐在那张不舒服的椅子上，日夜待在我的左腿上，在一台持续被动运动的机器上移动、弯曲和伸直。
He only stepped out of the room when the nurse arrived to help me use the bedpan.
当护士来帮我用便盆时，他才走出房间。
In the photograph, he's wearing jeans and a blue sweater with a tired, loyal smile on his face.
照片中，他穿着牛仔裤和蓝色毛衣，脸上带着疲惫而忠诚的微笑。
Back then, I never saw his commitment to me as remarkable because it was all I had known.
那时，我从未认为他对我的承诺有多么了不起，因为这是我所知道的一切。
8.
8.
Surely you know all about the giddiness that your high school students felt on the Thursday before Christmas break.
您肯定知道您的高中生在圣诞假期前的星期四感到的头晕目眩。
My energy that day felt boundless.
那天我感觉精力无穷。
I practically bounced from seventh period across the grass and straight to the outer window of my dad's office.
第七节课结束后，我几乎弹跳着穿过草地，直奔我父亲办公室的外窗。
I knocked on his window, and he tilted it open.
我敲了敲他的窗户，他把门打开了。
He was eating an ice cream sundae from McDonald's out of a small, clear plastic cup.
他正在用一个透明的小塑料杯吃麦当劳的冰淇淋圣代。
He smiled his full face smile when he saw me, and I returned a grin.
当他看到我时，他满脸笑容，我也报以微笑。
He reached out and dropped the car keys into my hand so I could drive to physical therapy.
他伸出手，把车钥匙放到我手里，这样我就可以开车去接受物理治疗。
As I turned to walk toward the parking lot, my dad said, "Have fun.
当我转身走向停车场时，爸爸说：“玩得开心。”
See you later," and tipped the window to close it.
待会见。”然后倾斜窗户将其关闭。
At physical therapy, my friend, Carey, and I both rode Stairmasters, and we listened to the Lemonheads album It's a Shame About Ray on the stereo.
在物理治疗中，我和我的朋友凯里都骑着 Stairmasters，我们在立体声音响上听了 Lemonheads 的专辑《It's a Shame About Ray》。
We moved our arms like we were dancing.
我们挥舞着手臂，就像在跳舞一样。
The snow fell quietly outside.
外面的雪静静地飘落着。
The cold windows had white paper snowflakes Scotch taped to them.
冰冷的窗户上贴着白色的纸雪花苏格兰威士忌。
Mid-workout, we overheard someone say there had been a shooting at Chelsea High School.
训练期间，我们无意中听到有人说切尔西高中发生了枪击事件。
We stepped off the Stairmasters and huddled around an AM/FM radio to try to learn more.
我们走下楼梯大师，挤在 AM/FM 收音机周围，试图了解更多信息。
At first, we were worried about our friends who might have been at a game in the school gym.
起初，我们担心我们的朋友可能正在学校体育馆观看比赛。
We imagine that the shooter must have been a kid from another school.
我们猜想枪手一定是另一所学校的孩子。
It never crossed our minds that the shooter could have been your husband or the victim could have been my dad.
我们从来没有想到枪手可能是你的丈夫，受害者可能是我的父亲。
9.
9.
When the details of that afternoon that your husband killed my dad slowly leaked out from police reports and school employees, I learned that your husband had been reprimanded for sexually harassing female students in the hallways.
当那天下午你丈夫杀害我父亲的细节慢慢从警方报告和学校工作人员那里泄露出来时，我得知你丈夫因在走廊里性骚扰女学生而受到训斥。
I learned that he was on the verge of losing his job.
我得知他正处于失业的边缘。
I learned that your husband had stormed out of a grievance meeting with administrators not long after the school day had ended.
我了解到，放学后不久，你的丈夫就怒气冲冲地离开了与管理人员的申诉会议。
I learned that you and your husband carpooled home from school together that day.
我得知那天你和你丈夫一起从学校拼车回家。
I learned that you were with him and his anger for the 20 minutes it took you to drive home.
我了解到，在你开车回家的 20 分钟里，你和他在一起，也感受到了他的愤怒。
I learned that when you arrived home, your husband disappeared upstairs.
我得知，当你回到家时，你丈夫就消失在楼上。
He returned with a 9 millimeter semi-automatic pistol in his hand.
他回来时手里拿着一把9毫米半自动手枪。
He asserted, "He is going to die."
他断言：“他快要死了。”
I learned that your husband got back into the car alone and sped toward the school administration building, where my dad and two others continued the meeting.
我得知你丈夫独自回到车上，飞驰向学校行政大楼，我父亲和另外两个人在那里继续开会。
20 minutes-- that's how long it took your husband to drive back to the high school.
20分钟——这就是你丈夫开车回高中所用的时间。
I learned that you didn't call the police, whose small-town headquarters were less than a five-minute drive away from the school.
我得知你没有报警，警察的小镇总部距离学校不到五分钟车程。
You didn't call the administration building to warn the three men whose lives were at stake-- sitting ducks.
你没有打电话给行政大楼来警告那三个生命受到威胁的人——坐以待毙。
Instead, you called the teachers' union office in Ann Arbor, 20 minutes in the opposite direction.
相反，您给安娜堡的教师工会办公室打电话，距相反方向 20 分钟路程。
Your husband wore a long coat with pockets of ammunition.
你丈夫穿着一件长外套，口袋里装着弹药。
He squealed his tires in the school parking lot.
他的轮胎在学校停车场发出吱吱的声音。
He told someone who approached him that he had, quote, "unfinished business to attend to." He walked into the administration building, turned the corner into the doorway of the small office.
他告诉一个接近他的人，他有“未完成的事情需要处理”。他走进行政大楼，转过街角，进入了小办公室的门口。
He lifted the gun and pointed it first at my dad-- Daddy, Dada, Pops.
他举起枪，首先指着我爸爸——爸爸，爸爸，爸爸。
My 47-year-old dad's last words were, "Steve, you don't have to do this." Your husband fired round after round.
我 47 岁的父亲的最后一句话是：“史蒂夫，你不必这样做。”你丈夫一轮又一轮地开枪。
He killed my dad.
他杀了我父亲。
He injured two others.
他还打伤了另外两人。
You didn't call the police.
你没有报警。
10.
10.
Why, Alice?
为什么，爱丽丝？
Why the [BLEEP] didn't you call the police?
为什么[BLEEP]你不报警？
Why?
为什么？
Why?
为什么？
Why?
为什么？
11.
11.
After your husband shot my dad, a pocket of time existed where my dad was gone, and it was still just a Thursday in December.
在你丈夫枪杀我父亲之后，我父亲有一段时间失踪了，而那只是十二月的一个星期四。
I was still just a teenager, happily riding the Stairmaster at MedSport, looking through icy windows with paper snowflakes taped to them.
当时我还是个十几岁的孩子，高兴地坐在 MedSport 的楼梯上，透过冰冷的窗户往外看，窗户上贴着纸雪花。
My brother, Brian, was still just a fresh-faced Private First Class wrenching bolts on the engines of fleet vehicles at a Marine base in North Carolina.
我的兄弟布莱恩还只是北卡罗来纳州海军陆战队基地的一名新人一等兵，负责拧紧车队车辆的发动机螺栓。
My mom was still a wife of 25 years and a middle school special education teacher at a neighboring school district.
我妈妈仍然是结婚 25 年的妻子，也是邻近学区的中学特殊教育老师。
And you were still just my favorite teacher, the one who let us write about an imaginary forest.
你仍然是我最喜欢的老师，是那个让我们写下想象中的森林的老师。
12.
12.
I can't remember if it was you or I who initiated the meeting a few days after your husband murdered my dad at our school.
我不记得是你还是我在你丈夫在我们学校谋杀了我父亲几天后发起了这次会议。
I hadn't slept since I found out.
自从知道之后我就没睡过觉。
I had been desperately pulling his photographs from sticky plastic pages of family photo albums and taping them to the bathroom mirrors.
我拼命地从家庭相册的粘塑料页上拉出他的照片，并将它们贴在浴室的镜子上。
Still, I was worried about how you might be feeling.
尽管如此，我还是担心你的感受。
I was eager to believe in you, to affirm that we were both unknowing victims of your husband's violent actions, to tell you that I didn't blame you.
我渴望相信你，确认我们都是你丈夫暴力行为的不知情的受害者，告诉你我没有责怪你。
I sensed some hesitation from my mom, but she took me to meet you anyway.
我感觉到妈妈有些犹豫，但她还是带我去见你。
The story was still developing.
故事仍在发展。
I couldn't imagine any scenario wherein you were not the hero.
我无法想象如果你不是英雄的话会有什么场景。
She could.
她可以。
We learned that since the shooting, you had been staying with your friend and colleague, Pam.
我们了解到，枪击事件发生后，你一直和你的朋友兼同事帕姆住在一起。
When we arrived at her house, Pam took our damp jackets, and I saw you sitting alone in a wingback chair at the far corner of the large room.
当我们到达她家时，帕姆拿走了我们潮湿的夹克，我看到你独自坐在大房间最远角落的靠背椅上。
You didn't rise to greet us when we entered the Christmas-ready living room.
当我们进入圣诞节准备的客厅时，你没有起身迎接我们。
Your face displayed a low, distant gaze.
你的脸上露出低沉而遥远的目光。
Your fingertips fidgeted with a pinch of fabric on the bottom of your sweater.
你的指尖在毛衣底部的一撮布料上焦躁不安。
I don't know what kind of a welcome I had expected, but it wasn't this.
我不知道我期待的是怎样的欢迎，但事实并非如此。
Finally, you approached me.
终于，你走近了我。
You said something like, "This is for you," and your tone was solemn.
你说了类似“这是给你的”之类的话，语气很严肃。
You reached out and handed me a hardcover book and a handwritten letter.
你伸手递给我一本精装书和一封手写的信。
Do you remember the title?
你还记得标题吗？
Did the book have a tree on the cover?
这本书的封面上有一棵树吗？
I never read the book.
我从来没有读过这本书。
I meant to.
我是故意的。
My head was too clouded with grief in those days to concentrate for long.
那些日子里，我的头被悲伤笼罩着，无法长时间集中注意力。
I stuffed the book into a drawer in my bedroom and never looked at it again.
我把书塞进卧室的抽屉里，再也没有看过。
I did read your short letter.
我确实读过你的短信。
Your words were scrawled diagonally across a yellow legal paper that you had folded like a business letter.
你的话被潦草地写在一张像商业信函一样折叠起来的黄色法律文件上。
The one thing I'd always remembered about that letter was the part I understood the least.
关于那封信，我一直记得的一件事是我最不明白的部分。
"Maybe we can make a circle someday," it said.
“也许有一天我们可以围成一个圈，”它说。
I've been wanting to ask you for years.
多年来我一直想问你。
What does that mean?
这意味着什么？
13.
13.
I returned to school only three weeks after my dad died, often arriving late and unprepared, driving up to the school in the used Chevy Corsica that was still registered in his name.
父亲去世三周后，我就回到了学校，经常迟到且毫无准备，开着仍然登记在他名下的二手雪佛兰科西嘉车去学校。
My other teachers offered me unspoken allowances for my unimpressive academic performance during the second half of my senior year.
由于我高三下半年学业表现不佳，其他老师给了我一些不言而喻的津贴。
My government teacher passed my late biased research paper that took a stance against the death penalty.
我的政府老师通过了我最近发表的带有偏见的研究论文，该论文反对死刑。
I called capital punishment, quote, "an option that doesn't warrant enough suffering."
我将死刑称为“一种不足以带来足够痛苦的选择”。
I was scheduled to return to your English class, but the counselor intervened.
我原定要回到你的英语课，但辅导员介入了。
Instead, I met with your student teacher in the library every day.
相反，我每天都在图书馆与你们的实习老师见面。
I don't remember her name, only that her severe psoriasis frightened and distracted me.
我不记得她的名字，只记得她严重的牛皮癣让我感到害怕和分散注意力。
I was afraid it was contagious, and I couldn't bear any other complications in my life.
我担心它会传染，而且我无法忍受生活中的任何其他并发症。
We read Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea as an independent study.
我们将海明威的《老人与海》作为一项独立研究来阅读。
I remember how tired Santiago was while trying to reel that large marlin into the boat.
我记得圣地亚哥在试图把那条大马林鱼卷进船上时有多累。
I wouldn't have had it in me to keep going like he did.
我不会像他那样继续前进。
The final semester of high school, I don't remember speaking to you.
高中最后一个学期，我不记得和你说过话。
Surely, I must have seen you in the hallways.
当然，我一定在走廊里见过你。
Did you see me?
你看到我了吗？
14.
14.
It was confusing to see you in the courtroom on the opposing side, sitting next to your mother-in-law, then taking the stand, making a case for your husband's insanity defense, trying to keep him out of prison.
看到你在法庭上的另一边，坐在你岳母旁边，然后出庭，为你丈夫的精神错乱辩护，试图让他出狱，真是令人困惑。
The defense attorney led you through a detailed account of your husband's bizarre actions.
辩护律师向你详细讲述了你丈夫的怪异行为。
I remember the story of your husband killing your pet bird, how he broke its neck with his bare hands.
我记得你丈夫杀死你的宠物鸟的故事，他是如何徒手折断它的脖子的。
You recounted a holiday when he curled himself beneath a piano and sobbed like a baby.
你讲述了一次假期，当时他蜷缩在钢琴下，像婴儿一样抽泣。
You explained his obsession with guns, how he usually kept one within reach.
你解释了他对枪支的痴迷，以及他通常如何将一把枪放在触手可及的地方。
An aisle in the courtroom divided my family from his, yours.
法庭上的一条过道将我的家人与他的、你的家人隔开。
You never once looked across, at least not while I was looking.
你从来没有看过对面，至少在我看的时候没有。
And you didn't look when the verdict was delivered-- guilty, life in prison without parole.
你没有看判决结果——有罪，终身监禁，不得假释。
15.
15.
I know exactly where I was when I learned you lost your battle with cancer.
当我得知你在与癌症的斗争中失败时，我清楚地知道我在哪里。
I stood courtside in the main gymnasium at Adrian College.
我站在阿德里安学院主体育馆的场边。
I wore my jersey, baggy white shorts, and a bulky knee brace.
我穿着球衣、宽松的白色短裤和笨重的护膝。
I had just finished playing a Division III basketball game.
我刚刚打完一场第三级别的篮球比赛。
My mom came to watch my game because it was the second anniversary of the day your husband killed my dad.
我妈妈来看我的比赛，因为那天是你丈夫杀死我爸爸的两周年纪念日。
It seemed that we should be together.
看来我们应该在一起了。
"I have some news," Mom said.
“我有一些消息，”妈妈说。
She had done the right thing by waiting until after the game was over to tell me.
她等到比赛结束后才告诉我，这是正确的做法。
"Alice died." "When?" I asked.
“爱丽丝死了。” “什么时候？”我问。
"Her funeral was today."
“她的葬礼就在今天。”
16.
16.
Did you ever attend the National Council of Teachers of English convention?
您参加过全国英语教师委员会大会吗？
I've barely missed a year since I began my own career as an English teacher.
自从我开始自己的英语教师职业生涯以来，我几乎没有错过过一年。
You're gone, so I don't have to worry about running into you there in the elevator going up or the cafe at lunch.
你走了，所以我不必担心在上行电梯或午餐时在咖啡馆遇到你。
But I must admit that sometimes I think I see you places.
但我必须承认，有时我觉得我在某些地方见过你。
I see a modestly dressed woman with shoulder-length brown hair and downward pointing chestnut eyes, and my breath catches in my throat.
我看到一个衣着朴素的女人，有着及肩的棕色头发和向下的栗色眼睛，我的呼吸卡在了喉咙里。
Then I remember.
然后我想起来了。
If only it was just in those moments that I thought of you.
如果只是在那些时刻我想起了你就好了。
But I have a classroom like you had a classroom.
但我有一个教室，就像你有一个教室一样。
And the books I sometimes turn to in my thoughts, I first read in your class.
我有时会在脑海中翻阅的书籍，是我在你们的课堂上第一次读到的。
17.
17.
The last time I saw you in the flesh, I was a freshman at Adrian College.
上次我亲眼见到你时，我还是阿德里安学院的新生。
And you were still an English teacher at Chelsea High School.
你当时还是切尔西高中的英语老师。
In a moment of capriciousness, I drove the hour north on Michigan 52 and parked in a visitor's space in front of the high school.
一时心血来潮，我沿着密歇根 52 路向北行驶了一个小时，把车停在了高中前面的访客停车位上。
All the students sat in class, which left me alone to walk the cement pathways.
所有的学生都坐在教室里，只剩下我一个人在水泥路上行走。
It still seems strange that life just continued on in that place.
那个地方的生活还在继续，这似乎仍然很奇怪。
A different teacher stood in front of your husband's old classroom.
另一位老师站在你丈夫的旧教室前面。
A new superintendent sat at a desk in my dad's old office.
一位新主管坐在我父亲旧办公室的办公桌前。
New kids replaced those of us who had graduated.
新的孩子取代了我们这些已经毕业的孩子。
I entered the English building and walked down the locker-encased hallway to your classroom.
我走进英语楼，沿着带储物柜的走廊走到你们的教室。
I peeked into your classroom window, a thin, rectangular pane of glass.
我朝你们教室的窗户看了一眼，那是一块薄薄的矩形玻璃。
I saw you leaning on a desk just a few feet from the door, helping a small group of students.
我看到你靠在离门几英尺远的桌子上，帮助一小群学生。
I stared through the window until you saw me.
我凝视着窗外，直到你看到我。
When you looked up, your body froze for a moment.
抬头一看，身体瞬间僵硬。
I wonder what you were thinking then.
我想知道你当时在想什么。
I hadn't told anyone that I was coming and still find it hard to explain my motivation to see you that day.
我没有告诉任何人我要来，但仍然很难解释我那天见你的动机。
You looked weak, frail, sick, a dimmer version of your former self.
你看起来虚弱、虚弱、病态，与以前的你相比，更加黯淡了。
I remember that you stepped into the hallway and faced me.
我记得你走进走廊，面对着我。
You looked me straight in the eyes.
你直视着我的眼睛。
You wore an expression that I decoded as a combination of compassion and fear.
你的表情被我解读为同情和恐惧的结合。
Even with your full attention, I couldn't speak a single word.
尽管你全神贯注，我却一句话也说不出来。
All I could do is stand in the hallway and look at you, standing three feet away.
我所能做的就是站在走廊里，看着你，站在三英尺远的地方。
I searched your face and eyes, and you searched mine, as if all the questions were written there.
我搜寻你的脸和眼睛，你也搜寻我的，仿佛所有的问题都写在那里。
You never asked me why I had come.
你从来没有问过我为什么来。
You seemed to understand, maybe more than I did.
你似乎明白，也许比我还明白。
How long did we stand there saying nothing at all?
我们站在那里一言不发多久了？
18.
18.
I never figured out what you meant when you wrote, "Maybe we can make a circle someday," in the letter you handed me.
我一直不明白你在递给我的信中写下的“也许有一天我们可以做个圈子”是什么意思。
Over time, I got angry at you for saying something so cryptic to a 17-year-old.
随着时间的推移，我对你对一个 17 岁的孩子说如此神秘的话感到愤怒。
Did you plan to tell me something later, after the trial?
你打算在审判结束后告诉我一些事情吗？
Something that would have closed the space between us?
有什么东西可以封闭我们之间的空间吗？
I can't, even after all these drafts, imagine what that could be.
即使在所有这些草稿之后，我也无法想象那会是什么。
What words could possibly have accomplished that?
什么样的言语可以做到这一点？
Maybe you never figured it out either.
或许你也一直没有想明白。
Sincerely, Nicole.
此致，妮可。
Ira Glass Nicole Piasecki.
艾拉·格拉斯·妮可·皮亚塞茨基。
She's a writer and also a writing teacher at the University of Colorado, Denver.
她是一名作家，也是丹佛科罗拉多大学的写作老师。
A version of her letter was first published in Hippocampus Magazine.
她的信的一个版本首次发表在《海马杂志》上。
The radio version of her letter was produced by Chris Benderev.
她的信的广播版本由克里斯·本德列夫制作。
Act Two, "Dear Miss." So there's this thing that's been happening now and then on stage for over a decade in London and elsewhere called Letters Live inspired by this book by Shaun Usher, Letters of Note, they get performers, including some ridiculously famous actors, to read letters written by people like Gandhi, David Bowie and Freida Kahlo and James Baldwin and lots of other famous people as well.
第二幕“亲爱的小姐”因此，十多年来，在伦敦和其他地方的舞台上时不时地发生一种叫做“Letters Live”的事情，其灵感来自于肖恩·亚瑟（Shaun Usher）的这本书《信件》（Letters of Note），他们让表演者，包括一些非常著名的演员，阅读甘地、大卫·鲍伊、芙蕾达·卡罗、詹姆斯·鲍德温和许多其他名人写的信。
This next letter is one of those, somebody who is not famous.
下一封信就是其中一封，是一个不知名的人。
It was written back when letters were king, before telephones even, in 1866, in Yorkshire in the north of England, from a farmer named Simon Fallowfield to a woman named Mary Foster.
这封信是 1866 年在英国北部约克郡写给一位名叫玛丽·福斯特的女士的，当时信件为王，甚至还没有电话。
It's read by the actor Taron Egerton, who's maybe best known for Kingsman and for starring as Elton John in Rocketman.
这本书的朗读者是演员塔伦·埃格顿，他最出名的作品可能是《王牌特工》以及在《火箭人》中饰演埃尔顿·约翰。
My Dear Miss, I now take up my pen to write to you, hoping these few lines will find you well as it leaves me at present-- thank God for it.
我亲爱的小姐，我现在拿起笔给您写信，希望这几行字能让您安然无恙，因为我现在已经离开了——感谢上帝。
You will perhaps be surprised that I should make so bold as to write to you, who is such a lady.
你也许会感到惊讶，我竟如此大胆地给你这样一位女士写信。
And I hope you will not be vexed at me for it.
我希望你不会因此而生我的气。
I hardly dare say what I want.
我几乎不敢说出我想要的话。
I am so timid about ladies, and my heart trimmels like a hespin.
我对女士很胆怯，我的心像大麻一样颤动。
But I once see'd in a book that faint heart never won fair lady, so here goes.
但我曾经在一本书上看到，胆怯的心永远不会赢得美丽的女士的青睐，所以就这样吧。
I am a farmer in a small way, and my age is rather more than 40 years.
我是一名小农，年龄四十多岁。
And my mother lives with me and keeps my house.
我的母亲和我住在一起并负责管理我的房子。
And she's been very poorly lately and cannot stir about much.
而且她最近身体很不好，动不了。
And I think I should be more comfortable with a wife.
我想我应该更舒服地和妻子在一起。
[LAUGHTER] And I think you are a very nice young woman and one that would make me happy if only you think so.
[笑声] 我认为你是一位非常好的年轻女性，只要你这么认为，我就会感到高兴。
We keep a servant girl to milk three kye and do the work in the house.
我们雇了一个女仆，负责挤奶和做家务。
And she goes on a bit in the summer to gadder wickens, and she snags a few turnips in the back kend.
夏天，她会去加德威肯斯，在后肯德抓一些萝卜。
I do a piece of work on the farm myself and attends Pateley market.
我自己在农场做一份工作，并去佩特利市场。
And I sometimes sow a few sheep, and I feeds between three and four pigs again Christmas.
有时我会播种几只羊，圣诞节时我会再次喂三到四头猪。
And the same is very useful in the house to make pies and cakes and so forth.
同样在家里做馅饼和蛋糕等也非常有用。
And I sells the hams to help pay for the barley meal.
我卖火腿来支付大麦粉的费用。
I have about 73 pound in Naisbro Bank, and we have a nice little parlor downstairs with a blue carpet and an oven on the side of the fireplace and the old woman on the other side, smoking.
我在 Naisbro 银行有大约 73 英镑，我们楼下有一个漂亮的小客厅，铺着蓝色地毯，壁炉一侧有一个烤箱，另一侧是老妇人，正在抽烟。
[LAUGHTER] The golden rules claimed up on the walls above the settle, and you could sit all day in the easy chair and knit and mend my kytles and leggums.
[笑声]长椅上方的墙上挂着黄金法则，你可以整天坐在安乐椅上，编织和修补我的针织衫和腿裤。
[LAUGHTER] And you could make the tea ready again I come in.
[笑声] 你可以再泡茶了，我进来了。
And you could make butter for Pateley market.
你还可以为帕特利市场制作黄油。
And I would drive you to church every Sunday in the spring cart.
每个周日我都会用春季车送你去教堂。
And I would do all that be's in my power to make you happy.
我会尽我所能让你快乐。
So I hope to hear from you.
所以我希望收到你的来信。
[LAUGHTER] I am in desprit and Yurnest and will marry you at May Day.
[笑声]我很沮丧，我会在五一节嫁给你。
Or if my mother dies afore, I shall want you afore.
或者如果我母亲先去世，我就会先想要你。
If only you will accept of me, my dear, we could be very happy together.
亲爱的，只要你接受我，我们就能幸福地在一起。
I hope you will let me know your mind by return of post.
我希望您能通过回信让我知道您的想法。
And if you are favorable, I will come up to scratch.
如果你愿意的话，我会从头开始。
So no more at present from your well-wisher and true love, Simon Fallowfield.
所以，你的祝福者和真爱西蒙·法洛菲尔德（Simon Fallowfield）目前已经不再有这样的消息了。
[LAUGHTER] PS, uh, I hope you will say nothing about this.
[笑声] PS，呃，我希望你对此只字不提。
If you will not accept of me, I have another very nice woman in my eye.
如果你不接受我，我眼里还有另一个很好的女人。
[LAUGHTER] And I think I shall marry her if you do not accept of me.
[笑声] 如果你不接受我，我想我会娶她。
But I thought you would suit my mother better, she being very crusty at times.
但我觉得你更适合我妈妈，她有时很暴躁。
Taron Egerton reading at Letters Live.
塔伦·埃格顿在《Letters Live》上读书。
Apparently, Mary Foster, who got that letter, turned down this proposal of marriage.
显然，收到那封信的玛丽·福斯特拒绝了这次求婚。
You can find videos of Olivia Colman, Benedict Cumberbatch, Brian Cox, Edie Falco, Jude Law, and so many other great actors reading letters at the Letters Live YouTube channel or at their website, letterslive.com.
您可以在 Letters Live YouTube 频道或他们的网站 Letterslive.com 上找到奥利维亚·科尔曼、本尼迪克特·康伯巴奇、布莱恩·考克斯、伊迪·法尔科、裘德·洛以及许多其他伟大演员朗读信件的视频。
Their next show is going to be at the Royal Albert Hall in December.
他们的下一场演出将于十二月在皇家阿尔伯特音乐厅举行。
Act Three, "Dear Dr. Kestenbaum." They tell you to never meet your heroes, but can you write to them?
第三幕，“亲爱的凯斯滕鲍姆博士”。他们告诉你永远不要见到你的英雄，但你能给他们写信吗？
Not long after David Kestenbaum left his old job in particle physics, which he has a PhD in, and became a reporter, he tried just that.
大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆 (David Kestenbaum) 离开了他在粒子物理学领域的工作（他拥有博士学位）并成为一名记者后不久，他就尝试了这一点。
When I was a young science journalist, I sent an email to one of the most famous physicists in the world.
当我还是一名年轻的科学记者时，我给世界上最著名的物理学家之一发送了一封电子邮件。
I was nervous about it.
我对此很紧张。
I was new to journalism.
我对新闻业很陌生。
I did not know how to find stories.
我不知道如何寻找故事。
I still don't, really.
我还是不明白，真的。
But I figured, this is how real reporters operated.
但我想，这才是真正的记者的运作方式。
They developed sources.
他们开发了资源。
My goal was to get him on the phone.
我的目标是让他接电话。
The physicist was a man named Peter Higgs in Scotland.
这位物理学家是苏格兰人，名叫彼得·希格斯。
Higgs was famous because way back in 1964, he'd written this paper proposing the possible existence of a new subatomic particle.
希格斯之所以出名，是因为早在 1964 年，他就写了一篇论文，提出可能存在一种新的亚原子粒子。
Everyone in the field called it the Higgs particle-- well, except for one who wrote a book calling it "the God particle," though people kind of hated that name.
该领域的每个人都称其为希格斯粒子——好吧，除了一个写了一本书的人称其为“上帝粒子”，尽管人们有点讨厌这个名字。
Anyway, it was a big deal if it did really exist.
无论如何，如果它真的存在的话，那就是一件大事了。
It could explain why other subatomic particles had mass, which you want them to.
它可以解释为什么其他亚原子粒子具有质量，正如你所希望的那样。
If electrons were massless, they would fly off.
如果电子没有质量，它们就会飞走。
You couldn't have atoms.
你不可能有原子。
We would not be here.
我们不会在这里。
I'd been a physics grad student a few years before, and one of the things we had been searching for with this massive experiment was the Higgs particle.
几年前，我还是一名物理学研究生，我们在这个大规模实验中一直在寻找的东西之一就是希格斯粒子。
So, my goal was to get Peter Higgs, who maybe had seen this deep truth about the nature of the universe, on the phone.
所以，我的目标是给彼得·希格斯打电话，他可能已经看到了关于宇宙本质的深刻真理。
I needed some excuse, so I wrote that I was curious how the Higgs had come to have his name.
我需要一些借口，所以我写道，我很好奇希格斯玻色子是如何得名的。
Not a great question, but the only one I could think of.
这不是一个很好的问题，但却是我能想到的唯一一个问题。
Would he have a few minutes to talk?
他能有几分钟的时间谈谈吗？
I sent the email.
我发送了电子邮件。
The next day, no reply.
第二天，没有回复。
A week went by.
一周过去了。
Two weeks.
两周。
And then, after about a month, the mailman came with a letter-- a letter.
然后，大约一个月后，邮递员带来了一封信——一封信。
Actually, it was this thing called an aerogram that had been popular during World War II, a single lightweight page that folded over, lightweight because, you know, airmail, which is a funny thing to handwrite an overseas letter in response to an email.
事实上，二战期间流行的是一种叫做航空图的东西，它是一个可以折叠的轻质页面，轻质是因为，你知道，航空邮件，手写一封海外信件来回复电子邮件是一件很有趣的事情。
But he was an older guy at that point.
但那时他已经是一个年长的人了。
I imagined his assistant printing out his emails for him.
我想象他的助手为他打印电子邮件。
I opened it up.
我打开它。
It begins, "Dear Dr. Kestenbaum, thank you for your email message dated 9 December 1997." I remember being excited to get it, but also pretty quickly disappointed.
它的开头是：“亲爱的 Kestenbaum 博士，感谢您 1997 年 12 月 9 日发来的电子邮件。”我记得收到它时很兴奋，但很快就失望了。
It's a very boring letter.
这是一封非常无聊的信。
He did answer my question in a very detailed and technical way.
他确实以非常详细和技术性的方式回答了我的问题。
Quote, "The earliest reference to Higgs Bosons that I know is in the late Ben Lee's talk as rapporteur at the 1972 Rochester conference at Fermilab," end quote.
引用：“据我所知，最早提到希格斯玻色子的是已故的本·李 (Ben Lee) 在 1972 年费米实验室罗切斯特会议上作为报告员的演讲”，引用结束。
It was filled with stuff like this, names and dates.
里面充满了这样的东西，名字和日期。
Quote, "It is possible, however, that the terminology was being used before the 1972 conference following 't Hooft's rediscovery of the Anderson, Brout, Englert, Higgs et al.
引用：“然而，在 t Hooft 重新发现安德森、布劳特、恩格勒特、希格斯等人之后的 1972 年会议之前，这个术语可能已经被使用了。
mechanism the previous year."
上一年的机制”。
It was the kind of frustrating experience that I was having with a lot of scientists.
我和很多科学家都经历过这种令人沮丧的经历。
They gave you tons of detail that no one else would care about or could possibly remember.
他们给了你大量其他人不会关心或可能记住的细节。
And as to my request to talk on the phone for a few minutes, which is my real hope, nothing.
至于我真正希望的通电话几分钟的请求，却没有实现。
I pinned the letter up in my cubicle with a thumbtack, then, after a while, moved it to a drawer.
我用图钉把这封信钉在我的小隔间里，过了一会儿，我把它移到了抽屉里。
14 years went by.
14年过去了。
In 2012, nearly 50 years after Higgs wrote that this particle might exist, we learned it really did, just as he had said it might.
2012 年，也就是希格斯写下这种粒子可能存在的近 50 年后，我们得知它确实存在，正如他所说的那样。
Giant teams of physicists managed to make and detect some Higgs particles at the CERN laboratory in Europe.
庞大的物理学家团队成功地在欧洲欧洲核子研究中心实验室制造并检测到了一些希格斯粒子。
It was a massive multibillion dollar effort.
这是一项耗资数十亿美元的巨大努力。
Peter Higgs won the Nobel Prize for it the following year.
彼得·希格斯次年因此获得诺贝尔奖。
The letter still sat in a drawer at my house.
这封信仍然放在我家的抽屉里。
I got married, had kids.
我结婚了，有了孩子。
Last year, I came across the letter again, finally stuck it in a frame.
去年，我再次看到这封信，最后把它装进了相框。
Should I say where it is?
我应该说它在哪里吗？
It's in the bathroom.
它在浴室里。
And then, a few months ago, Peter Higgs died.
然后，几个月前，彼得·希格斯去世了。
He was 94 years old.
他已经94岁了。
I went back and read the letter again, really for the first time since I'd gotten it almost 25 years ago.
我回去又读了一遍这封信，这确实是我自 25 年前收到这封信以来的第一次。
And I got very emotional reading it.
读到它我非常激动。
There's something in there that the younger me had been unable to see or appreciate.
其中有一些东西是年轻的我无法看到或欣赏的。
What Peter Higgs was doing in this letter was going out of his way to try to give credit to everyone else.
彼得·希格斯在这封信中所做的就是不遗余力地试图将功劳归功于其他人。
Some scientists spend their lives angling for a Nobel Prize.
有些科学家一生都在争取诺贝尔奖。
Higgs was trying to downplay his role in everything, to put it in its proper context.
希格斯试图淡化他在所有事情中的作用，将其放在适当的背景下。
It was generous and humble.
这是慷慨而谦虚的。
He'd taken the time to write it all carefully out and send it to a reporter across the ocean that he'd never met.
他花时间仔细地把所有内容写下来，并发送给大洋彼岸的一位他从未见过的记者。
I went online and found a recording of Higgs talking at a press conference after he won the Nobel.
我上网找到了希格斯获得诺贝尔奖后在新闻发布会上讲话的录音。
Actually, he shared the prize with another guy.
事实上，他和另一个人分享了这个奖品。
In the press conference, he's doing the same thing he was in that letter.
在新闻发布会上，他做了与那封信中相同的事情。
A lot of people seem to think that I did all this single-handed.
很多人似乎认为这一切都是我一手完成的。
It was actually part of a theoretical program, which had been started in 1960.
它实际上是 1960 年启动的理论项目的一部分。
The man who really initiated it was Yuri Kiro Nabu, originally from Japan, who is now back in Japan.
真正发起这件事的人是Yuri Kiro Nabu，他来自日本，现在已经回到日本。
So it's part of a story which goes back at least to 1960.
所以这是一个至少可以追溯到 1960 年的故事的一部分。
And 1964 was just what turned out to be a rather successful episode in that story.
1964 年正是这个故事中相当成功的一集。
In the press conference, Higgs also mentions this thing I never knew, which is that he only wrote about the particle in the first place sort of by chance.
在新闻发布会上，希格斯还提到了一件我不知道的事情，那就是他最初只是偶然写下了关于粒子的文章。
His first draft of his now famous paper was actually rejected by the journal he tried to publish it in.
他现在著名的论文初稿实际上被他试图发表的期刊拒绝了。
So he went back and basically added a few lines, mentioning that if all the other stuff was true, there might be a new particle also, one people could find someday.
所以他回去基本上添加了几行，提到如果所有其他东西都是真的，可能还会有一种新粒子，有一天人们可以找到。
Higgs wasn't the only one who could have done what he did, but what he did was remarkable.
希格斯并不是唯一一个能够做到他所做的事情的人，但他所做的事情是非凡的。
And at the end of the day, he was the one who got to carry the baton over the finish line.
最终，他是第一个拿着接力棒冲过终点线的人。
When I look back at the letter now, I think, seems like a nice guy for that to happen to.
当我现在回头看这封信时，我想，发生这种事似乎是一个好人。
I'm glad it was him.
我很高兴是他。
David Kestenbaum is senior editor of our show.
大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆 (David Kestenbaum) 是我们节目的高级编辑。
Coming up, somebody has an urgent and deeply personal request for the US Army, also other letters.
接下来，有人向美国陆军提出紧急且深刻的个人请求，还有其他信件。
That's in a minute.
就在一分钟之内。
Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台当我们的节目继续时。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's program, Letters, Actual Letters, in which we hear the vast variety of things that can happen when you put your thoughts and feelings down on paper.
今天的节目《信件，实际信件》中，我们听到了当您将想法和感受写在纸上时可能发生的各种各样的事情。
We've arrived at Act Four of our program.
我们已经到了节目的第四幕了。
Act Four, "Dear US Army."
第四幕“亲爱的美国陆军”。
So a letter doesn't have to be long to get its point across.
因此，一封信不必很长就能表达其要点。
This one, read by the actor Crystal Clarke at the Royal Albert Hall in London for Letters Live, does its job with admirable efficiency.
这首诗由演员克里斯托·克拉克 (Crystal Clarke) 在伦敦皇家阿尔伯特音乐厅为 Letters Live 朗读，其效率令人钦佩。
[APPLAUSE] Crystal Clarke November 1943, Draft Board, Poinsett County, Arkansas.
[掌声] Crystal Clarke，1943 年 11 月，阿肯色州波因塞特县选秀委员会。
Dear United States Army, my husband asked me to write a recommendation telling you that he supports his family.
亲爱的美国陆军，我的丈夫让我写一封推荐信，告诉你他支持他的家人。
He cannot read, so don't tell him.
他不识字，所以不要告诉他。
[LAUGHTER] He ain't done nothing but raise hell and drink lemon essence since I married him eight years ago.
[笑声] 自从我八年前嫁给他以来，他除了制造地狱和喝柠檬精之外什么也没做。
And I got to feed seven kids of his.
我还要养活他的七个孩子。
Maybe you can get him to carry a gun.
也许你可以让他带枪。
He's good with squirrels and eating.
他很擅长和松鼠相处，也很会吃东西。
Take him and welcome.
带他去欢迎吧。
I need the grub and his bed for the kids.
我需要给孩子们准备食物和他的床。
Don't tell him this, but just take him and send him as far as you can.
不要告诉他这些，而是带他走得尽可能远。
Crystal Clarke reading a letter for Letters Live.
克里斯托·克拉克 (Crystal Clarke) 为《Letters Live》朗读一封信。
Act Five, "Dear Zoe." There are the letters you get, and then there are the letters you wish you got.
第五幕，“亲爱的佐伊”。有你收到的信件，还有你希望收到的信件。
And the gap between those two things can say so much.
这两件事之间的差距可以说明很多问题。
Here's producer Zoe Chace.
请听制片人佐伊·切斯的报道。
My dad wrote a lot of letters.
我爸爸写了很多信。
He wrote them to me and to everyone in his life.
他把它们写给我和他生命中的每个人。
After my parents got divorced, he would write to me at my mom's house, even though I'd see him that weekend.
我父母离婚后，他会在我妈妈家给我写信，尽管我那个周末会见到他。
He'd send postcards that just said, for instance, "Punch buggy blue, no punch back." It was 1989.
例如，他会寄明信片，上面写着“打蓝色越野车，不准还击”。那是1989年。
I was eight years old.
那年我八岁。
He was almost 60.
他已经快 60 岁了。
He treated letters sometimes like text messages because he wrote so many for big and small reasons, sometimes two a week, sending an inside joke between us, or always, he'd send along his plans.
他有时把信件当作短信，因为他出于大大小小的原因写了很多信，有时一周两封，在我们之间发送一个内部笑话，或者总是，他会发送他的计划。
"Here are the plans.
“这是计划。
Come with me for the weekend after you get back.
回来后跟我一起过周末吧。
You can come to my office on Friday.
周五你可以来我办公室。
And then we have dinner with Silvana.
然后我们和西尔瓦娜共进晚餐。
We might also see a movie called El Cid, about a famous warrior in the Middle Ages in Spain.
我们可能还会看一部名为《El Cid》的电影，讲述中世纪西班牙一位著名战士的故事。
I have to bring you home on Sunday of that week about noon-ish, because I have to teach, even though there's a holiday on Monday-- Labor Day."
我必须在那周的周日中午左右带你回家，因为我必须教课，尽管周一劳动节放假。”
Semicolon, "At this point, we can go to the harbor the following weekend.
分号，“这样，下周末我们就可以去港口了。
I pick you up at school, and off we go." That was August 1993.
我去学校接你，然后我们就出发。”那是 1993 年 8 月。
He'd often add, in a PS, "I am writing to you without using capital letters because I like to write letters that way, because it is time consuming and boring to make caps.
他经常在附言中补充道：“我写信给你时不使用大写字母，因为我喜欢用大写字母写信，因为制作大写字母既耗时又无聊。
You should not do this because it is a bad habit until you are grown-up."
你不应该这样做，因为在你长大之前这是一个坏习惯。”
As I grew up, the letters grew up.
随着我渐渐长大，字母也渐渐长大。
They took on a different tone.
他们采取了不同的语气。
Here's one from May 20, 1995.
这是 1995 年 5 月 20 日的一份报告。
"Dear Zoe, this is another letter from Dad.
“亲爱的佐伊，这是爸爸的另一封信。
All of those can be kept over the years and then reread and then used in your memoirs." This is the tone-- grandiose.
所有这些都可以保留多年，然后重新阅读，然后在你的回忆录中使用。”这就是基调——宏大。
He's offering important words of guidance to his child.
他正在向他的孩子提供重要的指导。
It goes on.
它继续下去。
"It is important to understand the nature of work and how it will affect your life, whether school work or something else.
“重要的是要了解工作的性质以及它将如何影响你的生活，无论是学业还是其他事情。
What you will find out in most work situations is the way in which work helps one to get through hard times.
在大多数工作情况下，您会发现工作可以帮助人们度过困难时期。
I know that when I split up with both Jean and your mother, it helped me to have a job, to give me structure, so that I could survive OK and look forward to a better time when things would be better for me.
我知道，当我与吉恩和你母亲分手时，它帮助我找到了一份工作，给了我一个结构，这样我就可以顺利生存，并期待一个更好的时光，那时事情对我来说会更好。
So work helps a lot in that respect.
所以工作在这方面有很大帮助。
If you have ups and downs at school and social matters, for example, well, the work, schoolwork, but also in your case, sports, helps to get one through a rough period.
例如，如果你在学校和社交事务中遇到起起落落，那么，工作、功课，而且就你而言，运动也有助于你度过一段艰难的时期。
I don't mean that work, whether it be sports, which you take seriously and should, replaces human values-- friends, lovers, whatever.
我并不是说工作，无论是体育运动，你都应该认真对待，并且应该取代人类的价值观——朋友、爱人等等。
But it helps complete the roundness of life.
但它有助于完成生命的圆润。
Believe me." I was in sixth grade.
相信我。”我当时读六年级。
"PS, don't use lowercase when you type.
“PS，打字时不要使用小写字母。
That's just for me.
那只是为了我。
Otherwise, you will get into bad habits."
否则，你就会养成坏习惯。”
Dad was a writer, a historian, magazine editor, professor, foreign policy guy.
父亲是一位作家、历史学家、杂志编辑、教授、外交政策专家。
A dry subject, maybe, but he was not a dry person.
也许是一个枯燥的话题，但他并不是一个枯燥的人。
He was warm and loving and excited.
他很温暖、充满爱心、很兴奋。
And so were his letters.
他的信也是如此。
What they weren't really was vulnerable.
他们其实并不脆弱。
They weren't peer to peer.
他们不是对等的。
They were father to daughter, which I loved.
他们是女儿的父亲，我很喜欢。
I didn't want it to be different.
我不想让它有所不同。
I liked being taken care of and guided and mentored and fussed over.
我喜欢被照顾、被指导、被指导、被关心。
And he was just clearly enjoying playing the role he was playing.
他显然很享受扮演他所扮演的角色。
June 30, 1999.
1999 年 6 月 30 日。
I was 17, 12th grade.
那年我17岁，上12年级。
"Dear Zoe, the opening lines of The Divine Comedy-- 'In the middle of the road of our life, I found myself in a dark wood where the straight way was hidden.' In any case, sometimes one does find oneself in a dark wood, and the right way, the straight, is lost.
“亲爱的佐伊，《神曲》的开场白是——‘在我们人生的道路中间，我发现自己身处一片黑暗的树林里，那里隐藏着直路。’无论如何，有时一个人确实会发现自己身处一片黑暗的树林中，而正确的道路，即笔直的道路，却迷失了。
And one has to find the path again and sometimes again and again.
人们必须一次又一次地寻找道路。
How is camp?"
营地怎么样？”
The last missive I received from Dad came two days after he died in 2004.
我从父亲那里收到的最后一封信是在他 2004 年去世两天后。
It was a postcard he'd mailed from Paris.
这是他从巴黎寄来的一张明信片。
I can't find it now, but I remember he recommended against opening a credit card.
我现在找不到了，但我记得他建议不要开信用卡。
Just stick with a debit card for now.
现在只需使用借记卡即可。
I was 22.
那年我22岁。
I didn't get another letter from him, until this year, in June.
直到今年六月，我才收到他的另一封信。
As his friends have died, their families found these old letters my dad had written to them and sent the letters to my sisters and me.
由于他的朋友去世了，他们的家人发现了我父亲写给他们的这些旧信，并将这些信寄给了我和我的姐妹们。
I got one from Dad from 1960.
我从爸爸那里得到了一件 1960 年的东西。
He was 28 years old.
他当时28岁。
I was 42, reading it.
我当时42岁，正在读这本书。
It was the first letter I'd ever read where he was younger than me and the first where he was writing to another adult.
这是我读过的第一封他比我年轻的信，也是他写给另一个成年人的第一封信。
It was very different from the ones I used to get-- no lessons or grand gestures or guidance.
这与我以前得到的非常不同——没有任何教训、宏伟的姿态或指导。
It was about his first book, which was a novel.
这是关于他的第一本书，这是一本小说。
He wrote it in his 20s while living in Paris, serving in the army.
他二十多岁的时候写下这本书，当时住在巴黎，在军队服役。
Looking through the book, it was clear Hemingway was very much on his mind.
翻阅这本书，很明显海明威非常在意他的思想。
It was called The Rules of the Game, A Novel of Love and Folly.
它的名字叫《游戏规则，一部爱与愚蠢的小说》。
It was published in 1960.
它于 1960 年出版。
It was not received well, I gather.
我猜想，它的反响并不好。
The letter was to his brother-in-law at the time, Jack.
这封信是写给他当时的姐夫杰克的。
"Dear, Jack, thank you so much for your letter about the book.
“亲爱的杰克，非常感谢你关于这本书的来信。
It was so good to have someone discuss the book in terms of its moral implications, rather than stylistic or technical fault.
有人从道德含义而不是风格或技术错误的角度来讨论这本书真是太好了。
The fact is, of course, that I am only too aware of its shortcomings, or, indeed, more aware than ever before.
当然，事实是我非常清楚它的缺点，或者说，确实比以往任何时候都更加清楚。
To counterweight my own despair about this, I'm working harder than ever on my next book, which I hope will be richer and fuller than The Rules.
为了抵消我自己对此的绝望，我比以往任何时候都更加努力地写我的下一本书，我希望这本书会比《规则》更丰富、更全面。
At the moment, I am enveloped by critical silence-- a hard lesson, but maybe a good one.
此刻，我被批判性的沉默所包围——这是一个惨痛的教训，但也许是一个很好的教训。
A tough outer skin is something I need.
我需要坚韧的外皮。
I'm learning to grow one."
我正在学习种植一棵。”
He never wrote to me about his insecurities.
他从未写信给我表达他的不安全感。
In my 20s and 30s, I would have loved to know that he had this feeling, to hear him talk about the weight of being a newish adult so disappointed with yourself after imagining greatness and trying really hard and seeing the lack of greatness.
在我20多岁和30多岁的时候，我很想知道他有这种感觉，听他谈论作为一个新成年人在想象伟大并真正努力尝试并看到缺乏伟大之后对自己如此失望的沉重。
Even at 42, it was a comfort to see him questioning everything he was doing.
即使已经 42 岁了，看到他质疑自己所做的一切还是让人感到欣慰。
That kind of self-doubt and self-criticism is a huge part of my personality.
这种自我怀疑和自我批评是我性格的重要组成部分。
That is every day.
这就是每一天。
And apparently, it was a thing we had in common, my dad and me.
显然，这是我和我父亲的共同点。
I didn't know.
我不知道。
I got a letter he wrote to someone else, a close family friend known to me as Aunt Maggie.
我收到了一封他写给别人的信，他是一位亲密的家庭朋友，我称之为玛吉阿姨。
It was 1966.
那是1966年。
He was in his 30s.
他当时30多岁。
He was dating someone new, before my mom.
在我妈妈之前，他正在和一个新人约会。
"Dear Maggie, the novel proceeds apace, and my agent is happy with it.
“亲爱的玛吉，小说进展很快，我的经纪人对此很满意。
Finally, I have met a woman who I am very fond of.
终于，我遇到了一个我很喜欢的女人。
We have been going out-- is that the word-- since the end of October, and it is very nice, indeed, to have someone who cares a lot about one.
自十月底以来，我们一直在出去——就是这个词——确实，有一个非常关心自己的人真是太好了。
Dare I use the word "love"?
我敢用“爱”这个词吗？
Life seems to me so insubstantial, so filled with eggshells that I will predict nothing.
对我来说，生活是如此的虚无，充满了蛋壳，我什么也预测不了。
But she makes me happy.
但她让我快乐。
And she is very kind, straight, and quite remarkably beautiful.
而且她非常善良、正直，而且非常漂亮。
Also, she is 33 and has not been married.
而且，她已经33岁了，还没有结婚。
Her hang-ups, whatever they are, strike me as minor.
她的烦恼，不管是什么，在我看来都是小事。
She is so loving and giving.
她是如此充满爱心和奉献。
Enfin, who knows?
恩芬，谁知道呢？
Maybe my luck is changing.
也许我的运气正在改变。
And then again, you see the old distrust for happiness."
然后，你又看到了对幸福的古老不信任。”
He had that, too?
他也有这样的事吗？
The feeling that things would always go wrong?
感觉事情总是会出错？
That even if it feels good in the moment, it's a trick.
即使那一刻感觉很好，但这也是一个骗局。
It won't last.
它不会持续太久。
I didn't know.
我不知道。
There's another letter to Maggie in which every single feeling in it is new to me, not to my experience, of course-- frustration, heartbreak, hopelessness-- just new to my experience of my dad.
还有另一封写给玛吉的信，其中的每一种感觉对我来说都是新的，当然不是我的经历——沮丧、心碎、绝望——只是对我对父亲的经历来说是新的。
He was in the middle of his first messy divorce.
他正处于第一次混乱的离婚之中。
He had two young kids, my sisters.
他有两个年幼的孩子，我的姐妹。
"Dear Maggie, a mad Chace letter because I can't really call up, and sometimes it is good to get things down on paper.
“亲爱的玛吉，这是一封疯狂的切斯信，因为我真的无法打电话，有时把事情写在纸上是件好事。
No reply called for.
无需回复。
I have realized you can't just move out when things get too hot.
我意识到当事情变得太热时你不能搬出去。
No one's life is that bloody good anyway.
无论如何，没有人的生活是那么美好。
No one has it knocked.
没有人敲过它。
Yet I do not look forward to the future.
但我并不期待未来。
I see breakdown and trouble and pain.
我看到崩溃、麻烦和痛苦。
And no matter how one tries, one cannot be indifferent.
而且无论一个人如何努力，都不能无动于衷。
Take care of yourself.
照顾好自己。
I'll be leaving June 6 and back June 27.
我将于 6 月 6 日离开，并于 6 月 27 日返回。
Hang on by your thumbs."
抓住你的大拇指。”
A parent keeping their hard-earned bitterness from you is a gift.
父母对你隐瞒他们来之不易的痛苦是一份礼物。
It's generosity, not selfishness.
这是慷慨，不是自私。
I'm grateful for that.
我对此很感激。
Still, I remember our last conversation.
尽管如此，我仍然记得我们最后一次谈话。
We were at a bar in Fall River, Massachusetts, the old mill town where my dad grew up.
我们当时在马萨诸塞州福尔里弗的一家酒吧，那是我父亲长大的老磨坊镇。
The TVs were on-- the Olympics, I think-- people striving to perfect perfection in the background.
电视上正在播放——我想是奥运会——人们在背景中努力追求完美。
I was talking to Dad about my new job, first post-college job, how cool the people were who worked there, how afraid I was they wouldn't like me.
我正在和爸爸谈论我的新工作，大学毕业后的第一份工作，在那里工作的人有多酷，我有多害怕他们不喜欢我。
"That's the old Zoe," Dad said.
“那是老佐伊，”爸爸说。
"You don't need to spend time worrying what people think about you anymore." OK.
“你不再需要花时间担心人们对你的看法。”好的。
I looked away and didn't say anything.
我移开视线，什么也没说。
I wasn't looking for advice at that moment.
那时我并没有寻求建议。
Maybe if I'd known this was the last conversation we were ever going to have, I would have asked a question.
也许如果我知道这是我们最后一次谈话，我就会问一个问题。
Have you ever felt this way?
你有过这样的感觉吗？
Tell me about it.
告诉我吧。
Tell me everything about that.
告诉我关于那件事的一切。
I wish he'd told me more about second guessing himself, about errors and uncertainty.
我希望他能告诉我更多关于自己的事后猜测、错误和不确定性。
But really, there's not any specific thing I wish he'd told me.
但实际上，我并没有希望他告诉我任何具体的事情。
It's not that I always wanted to know, am I like you?
并不是我一直想知道，我像你吗？
Are you like me?
你和我一样吗？
Are we the same?
我们是一样的吗？
It's that we were interrupted when he died.
他死后我们的谈话就被打断了。
That's what I hate.
这就是我所讨厌的。
I wanted our conversations to continue and to change and expand.
我希望我们的对话能够继续、改变和扩大。
The letters are great.
字母很棒。
I love the letters.
我喜欢这些字母。
The letters are what I have.
这些信就是我所拥有的。
But the letters are fixed.
但字母是固定的。
They leave me sur ma faim, as Dad might say-- still hungry.
正如爸爸可能会说的那样，他们离开了我，因为我仍然很饿。
They end, "Endless love, Dad." It's not the same as having a conversation.
他们的结尾是“无尽的爱，爸爸。”这和谈话不一样。
It's nothing like what a conversation would be.
这与对话完全不同。
["SOME POSTMAN" BY THE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA]
[美利坚合众国总统的“某个邮递员”]
Our program was produced today by Bim Adewunmi and edited by our executive editor Emanuele Berry.
今天我们的节目由 Bim Adewunmi 制作，并由我们的执行编辑 Emanuele Berry 编辑。
The people put together today's show include Jendayi Bonds, Sean Cole, Michael Comite, Aviva DeKornfeld, Chana Joffe-Walt, Henry Larson, Tobin Low, Katherine Rae Mondo, Nadia Reiman, Ryan Rumery, Alix Spiegel, Lilly Sullivan, Frances Swanson, Christopher Swetala, Matt Tierney, Nancy Updike, Julie Whitaker, and Diane Wu.
今天节目的制作人包括 Jendayi Bonds、Sean Cole、Michael Comite、Aviva DeKornfeld、Chana Joffe-Walt、Henry Larson、Tobin Low、Katherine Rae Mondo、Nadia Reiman、Ryan Rumery、Alix Spiegel、Lilly Sullivan、Frances Swanson、Christopher Swetala、Matt Tierney、Nancy Updike、Julie Whitaker 和 Diane Wu。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Special thanks today to Rebecca Chace, Sarah Chace, Susan Chace, Frank Close, and Victoria Martin.
今天特别感谢 Rebecca Chace、Sarah Chace、Susan Chace、Frank Close 和 Victoria Martin。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org, where you can stream over 800 episodes of our show for absolutely free.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中完全免费观看我们节目的 800 多集。
This American Life is delivered to local public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向当地公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's cofounder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
His new get rich quick scheme?
他的新的快速致富计划？
He lights incense, sets a dollar bill on fire, and slowly chants--
他点香，点燃一美元钞票，慢慢地念诵——
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
["SOME POSTMAN" BY THE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA"]
[美利坚合众国总统的“某个邮递员”]
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。