83: One of Us - This American Life
You are using an outdated browser.
您正在使用过时的浏览器。
Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience.
请升级您的浏览器或激活 Google Chrome 浏览器内嵌框架以改善您的体验。
Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #83 | November 14, 1997 83: One of Us Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 83 集 | 1997 年 11 月 14 日 83：我们中的一员 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Like a lot of high schools, it had a social structure like the Balkans during the Yugoslav civil war, totally divided.
序言 Ira Glass 和很多高中一样，它的社会结构就像南斯拉夫内战期间的巴尔干半岛一样，完全分裂。
It was jocks, stoners, and farmers, each with their own native dress, each with their own customs and traditions, each with their own music.
这是运动员、吸毒者和农民，每个人都有自己的民族服饰，每个人都有自己的习俗和传统，每个人都有自己的音乐。
The jocks listened to classic rock, the farmers to country music, the stoner kids to hard core.
运动员听经典摇滚，农民听乡村音乐，吸毒儿童听硬核音乐。
The only band they all agreed on?
他们唯一一致同意的乐队？
Metallica.
金属乐队。
Metallica was kind of big.
Metallica 有点大。
Ira Glass Metallica is one of the few groups that can bring people together.
Ira Glass Metallica 是少数几个能够将人们聚集在一起的团体之一。
That's right.
这是正确的。
That's right.
这是正确的。
It knows no boundaries.
它没有界限。
It knows no boundaries.
它没有界限。
The place, Menomonie, Wisconsin, a small town an hour east of St. Paul.
这个地方位于威斯康星州梅诺莫尼，是圣保罗以东一小时车程的一个小镇。
Our guide, a resident who has chosen to appear here under the name Jim Steel.
我们的导游是一位居民，他选择以吉姆·斯蒂尔的名字出现在这里。
The situation, a night toward the end of the school year when jocks, stoners, and farmers are together, getting along, no conflicts.
情况是，学年快结束时的一个晚上，运动员、吸毒者和农民在一起，相处融洽，没有冲突。
Jim and some stoners even convince a farmer kid named Chad Richter to smoke pot for the first time.
吉姆和一些吸毒者甚至说服一个名叫查德·里克特的农民孩子第一次吸大麻。
We're hanging out.
我们正在闲逛。
And then we decide to go to this party.
然后我们决定去参加这个聚会。
It's at a place called The Pole Shed.
它位于一个叫“杆棚”的地方。
It's about 10 miles out of town, way out in the country.
距城镇约 10 英里，位于乡村。
And really, it's just a machine shed for storing farm equipment.
实际上，它只是一个用于存放农用设备的机棚。
I'm not even sure who owned the property.
我什至不确定谁拥有该财产。
So we pull in.
所以我们拉进去。
There's about five of us in the car.
车上大约有我们五个人。
And we're feeling pretty good, looking forward to more beer and hanging out on a slow Friday in Menomonie.
我们感觉很好，期待着更多的啤酒，并在梅诺莫尼度过一个悠闲的周五。
And Chad Richter, the guy that had smoked dope for the first time that night, gets out there.
那天晚上第一次吸毒的查德·里克特（Chad Richter）走出了那里。
A few minutes pass, and we're just hanging out, milling around, talking.
几分钟过去了，我们只是闲逛、闲逛、聊天。
I don't think there's even music out in the middle of the country, just hanging out by the shed.
我认为在这个国家的中部甚至没有音乐，只是在棚屋旁闲逛。
And all of a sudden, we start to notice there's something going on back in the gravel driveway.
突然，我们开始注意到碎石车道后面发生了一些事情。
It's this guy, Brady Henderson, who's Chad Richter's best friend.
布雷迪·亨德森是查德·里克特最好的朋友。
And Brady, he was an all-state wrestler, a really, really small kid, but wiry, and tough, and pretty mean.
还有布雷迪，他是一名全州摔跤手，一个非常非常小的孩子，但身材瘦长，坚韧，而且非常刻薄。
And he's in Chad's face, just shoving him and getting angry with him.
他当着查德的面，推搡他，生他的气。
And so people start congregating, like it always happens.
于是人们开始聚集，就像往常一样。
And the next thing I see is Brady Hanson does some crazy move, just tackles Chad, brings him right down to the gravel and punches him right in the face, twice, hard, right to the face.
接下来我看到的是布雷迪·汉森做出了一些疯狂的举动，他抓住了查德，把他推倒在砾石上，然后狠狠地打了他的脸两拳，狠狠地打在他的脸上。
And he grabs him by the shirt.
他抓住了他的衬衫。
He's shaking him.
他在摇晃他。
I'm still like, what is going on?
我仍然想，这是怎么回事？
These guys are best friends.
这些人是最好的朋友。
And Brady screams at Chad.
布雷迪对查德尖叫。
He says, "Chad, you're a farmer.
他说：“查德，你是个农民。
Farmers don't smoke pot.
农民不吸大麻。
We drink beer."
我们喝啤酒。”
This is what happens if you violate the rules of your own social group.
如果您违反了自己的社交群体的规则，就会发生这种情况。
This is what happens if insiders suddenly see you as an outsider.
如果局内人突然将你视为局外人，就会发生这种情况。
And I don't think Chad ever smoked marijuana again after that.
我认为查德此后再也没有吸过大麻。
Well, from WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it is This American Life.
嗯，来自 WBEZ 芝加哥和国际公共广播电台，这是《美国生活》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, invite a variety of different kinds of writers and reporters and performers to bring you stories on that theme.
当然，我们每周的节目都会选择一个主题，邀请各种不同类型的作家、记者和表演者为您带来有关该主题的故事。
Today's program, One Of Us.
今天的节目是《我们中的一员》。
How you get included, how you get kicked out of any group you can name.
你如何被纳入，你如何被踢出任何你能说出名字的团体。
Act One today, My Crap Life.
今天的第一幕，我的垃圾生活。
We're going to start at the moment in American life when the division between outsiders and insiders is usually the most intense, high school.
我们将从美国生活中的时刻开始，此时局外人与局内人之间的分歧通常是最激烈的，即高中。
When the wrong haircut can change everything.
当错误的发型可以改变一切时。
Act Two, My Work Life.
第二幕，我的工作生活。
The story of one public radio reporter who goes down to tell a very public-radio-style story about regular working Joes down Louisiana way.
一位公共广播电台记者的故事，他下去讲述了一个非常公共广播风格的故事，讲述了路易斯安那州普通工人的故事。
And what happens when the working Joes decide that he is not just an outsider, but, in fact, is out to destroy them.
当工薪阶层认定他不仅仅是一个局外人，而且实际上是要毁灭他们时，会发生什么。
And how he ends up hanging off the side of a freighter in the middle of the night, worried for his life.
以及他如何在半夜挂在货轮的侧面，担心自己的生命安全。
Act Three, My Church Life.
第三幕，我的教会生活。
Writer Susan Bergman finds herself, somehow, named one of the top young Christians in America and wonders if she wants to be part of the group.
作家苏珊·伯格曼发现自己不知何故被评为美国最优秀的年轻基督徒之一，她想知道自己是否想成为这个群体的一员。
And what happens when she visits with the other top young Christians.
当她拜访其他顶尖的年轻基督徒时会发生什么。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, My Crap Life.
第一幕，我的垃圾生活。
There's this beautiful old cemetery near my home here in Chicago called Graceland Cemetery.
我在芝加哥的家附近有一个美丽的古老墓地，叫做格雷斯兰公墓。
And not long ago, when the weather was still nice, I was wandering around there with a friend.
不久前，天气还好的时候，我和一个朋友在那里闲逛。
It was a pretty day.
这是美好的一天。
And we were talking about this and that.
我们正在谈论这个和那个。
And got to talk about the cemetery, and death, and where our bodies would end up, a very cheerful fall conversation.
并开始谈论墓地、死亡以及我们的尸体最终会去哪里，这是一次非常愉快的秋季谈话。
And somehow, in this conversation, I realized suddenly, if I should die, if I die suddenly, my parents would collect my body and take it back to Baltimore, a place that I have spent-- no offense-- a place that I have spent my entire life trying to run from.
不知何故，在这次谈话中，我突然意识到，如果我死了，如果我突然死了，我的父母会收集我的尸体并将其带回巴尔的摩，一个我度过的地方——无意冒犯——一个我一生都在试图逃离的地方。
And that is where I would spend eternity.
那就是我将度过永恒的地方。
But anyway, your family makes claims on you.
但无论如何，你的家人都会向你提出要求。
And for many people, for most people, I think, the time of life when the claim is the greatest, other than when you try to throw a wedding, is adolescence.
我认为，对于很多人来说，对于大多数人来说，除了尝试举办婚礼之外，生命中要求最高的时期就是青春期。
They want you to act like them.
他们希望你表现得像他们一样。
And you want to act like some other group, a group that may not even accept you as one of their own.
你想要像其他群体一样行事，这个群体甚至可能不接受你作为他们自己的一员。
We have this story from Tim Melley.
我们从蒂姆·梅利那里得到了这个故事。
He looks up and says, me and my brother are getting a haircut on the front porch after dessert.
他抬起头说，我和我哥哥吃完甜点后正在前廊理发。
Three days before summer and he's going to cut our hair.
距离夏天还有三天，他要给我们剪头发。
I ask him, "Can't we wait until school's over?" "No," he says, "we can't." I say, "Please." And he says, "No, tonight's the night."
我问他：“我们不能等到放学吗？” “不，”他说，“我们不能。”我说：“请吧。”他说：“不，今晚就是晚上。”
I say, "Dad, can't we just wait three days?" And he says, "What difference does it make?" I say, "It makes a big difference." He says, "Why?" "Because." "Because why?" "Because it does."
我说：“爸爸，我们就不能等三天吗？”他说：“这有什么区别呢？”我说：“这有很大的不同。”他说：“为什么？” “因为。” “因为为什么？” “因为确实如此。”
My little crap brother says, "Oooh, you got a girlfriend.
我的小弟弟说：“哦，你有女朋友了。
You got a girlfriend." I say, "No, I don't." "Oooh," he says, "you got a girlfriend.
你有女朋友了。”我说：“不，我不。” “哦，”他说，“你有女朋友了。
You got a girlfriend.
你有女朋友了。
He's got a girlfriend.
他有女朋友了
He's got a girlfriend." "Shut up, butt hole," I say.
他有女朋友了。” “闭嘴，混蛋，”我说。
They're laughing now, even my sister, who's too small to get it.
他们现在都在笑，连我妹妹都笑了，她太小了，听不懂。
"Oh ho," says my father, "so that's it.
“哦嗬，”我父亲说，“原来如此。
Well." "It is not," I say.
嗯。” “不是的，”我说。
"I just don't want to look like a loser with one of your army cuts." "Well," he says, and he's smiling, "if you've got a girlfriend, why don't you tell us who she is?" "I don't," I say, "I don't."
“我只是不想因为你的军队削减而显得像个失败者。” “好吧，”他微笑着说道，“如果你有女朋友，为什么不告诉我们她是谁呢？” “我不，”我说，“我不。”
But my throat's lumping up.
但我的喉咙哽住了。
I never had a girlfriend.
我从来没有过女朋友。
My mother says, "Don't let them get to you.
我妈妈说：“别让他们影响到你。
Just laugh it off." But my father says, "You better not start your goddamn crying, for Christ's sake." My eyes fill.
就一笑而过吧。”但我父亲说：“看在上帝的份上，你最好别哭了。”我的眼睛充满了。
My brother is laughing and whooping.
我哥哥又笑又叫。
"God almighty," my father says, "I have never seen such a goddamn sissy in my life." I say, "Oh, yeah?
“万能的上帝，”我父亲说，“我这辈子从来没有见过这么该死的娘娘腔。”我说：“哦，是吗？
Well, Charlie D'Amato said it was OK to cry." And my father says, "Who's he?" And I say, "My French teacher." And he says, "He lets you call him Charlie?
好吧，查理·达马托说哭是可以的。”我父亲说：“他是谁？”我说：“我的法语老师。”他说：“他让你叫他查理？
What is he, new?" And I say, "Yes, he is.
他是什么人，新来的？”我说：“是的，他是。
And he's excellent."
而且他很优秀。”
And my father says, "Yeah, well, he sounds like a classic fruit to me." And I say, "You don't even know him.
我父亲说：“是的，嗯，对我来说，他听起来像是一种经典的水果。”我说：“你根本不认识他。
You don't even know anything about me.
你甚至对我一无所知。
You don't even care."
你根本不在乎。”
I could hear my loser voice lumping up on me, and my eyes filling again.
我能听到失败者的声音在我耳边响起，我的眼睛又充满了泪水。
So I got up and went to my room.
于是我起身去了我的房间。
I could hear them laughing behind my back.
我能听到他们在我背后笑。
I slammed my door.
我关上了门。
I lay on the bed and plugged my ears and listened to my heart beating.
我躺在床上，捂住耳朵，听着自己的心跳声。
I could still feel them pressing down on me like deep water, trying to make me nothing.
我仍然能感觉到他们像深水一样压在我身上，试图让我一事无成。
I got my black comb out of my back pocket, which was not my comb, but Chris Sanford's, who gave it to me because I lost mine.
我从后面的口袋里拿出黑色梳子，这不是我的梳子，而是克里斯·桑福德的，他把它给了我，因为我丢失了我的梳子。
I combed my hair right down over my eyes, where my dad hated it.
我把头发梳到了眼睛上方，这是我爸爸讨厌的地方。
I got to thinking about his gun.
我开始思考他的枪。
I knew where it was.
我知道它在哪里。
I had held it, black and heavy in my hand before.
我以前曾握过它，黑色的，沉甸甸的。
I could go right back down there and get them all on their knees, crying and bawling themselves, begging me not to do something stupid.
我可以直接回到那里，让他们都跪下来，哭着哭着，求我不要做蠢事。
I had worked it all out plenty of times.
我已经把这一切都解决了很多次了。
My dad would have to say, "We are sorry, son.
我爸爸不得不说：“我们很抱歉，儿子。
It's our fault." I'd make him say it again, twice.
这是我们的错。”我会让他再说一遍，两次。
But still, I'd wave the gun all around at them like a lunatic.
但我仍然像个疯子一样向他们挥舞着枪。
I'd say, "I don't think you're sorry enough for what you did." Then I'd go in the living room and pretend to blow my head off, put a slug right through the floor.
我会说：“我认为你对自己的所作所为还不够后悔。”然后我会走进客厅，假装把我的头炸掉，把一根子弹直接射穿地板。
That would be pretty sweet, watching them run in, wide-eyed and wailing.
看着他们睁大眼睛哭着跑进来，那真是太甜蜜了。
I saw myself in the mirror, smiling about it.
我在镜子里看到自己，微笑着。
Then I remembered the haircut and got to thinking again.
然后我想起了发型，又开始思考。
What if Holly Heyward invited me to her end-of-the-year party?
如果霍莉·海沃德邀请我参加她的年终聚会怎么办？
What if I get a note in my locker with hearts from Holly Heyward, and it says, come to her party?
如果我的储物柜里收到一张写有霍莉·海沃德 (Holly Heyward) 爱心的纸条，上面写着“来参加她的派对”怎么办？
What if one of her friends at lunch says, "Holly likes you.
如果她的一位朋友在午餐时说：“霍莉喜欢你，该怎么办？
She wants you to come to her party." I couldn't go to a party like that with one of my dad's haircuts, no way, no how.
她想让你来参加她的聚会。”我不能留着我爸爸的发型去参加这样的聚会，没办法，没办法。
Plus, I couldn't smoke for squat yet.
另外，我还不能为了深蹲而吸烟。
I had taken four puffs of Mrs. Beech's ragged, lipstick-covered cigarette butt in her kitchen, where I fed her dog.
我在比奇太太的厨房里吸了四口口红、破旧的烟头，我还在那里喂了她的狗。
I was coughing like a pussy.
我咳嗽得像个小猫。
"You can't go to a party if you can't take a good hit," says Chris Sanford.
“如果你不能承受很大的打击，你就不能去参加聚会，”克里斯·桑福德说。
Then I get to thinking about it again, lying there.
然后我躺在那里再次思考这件事。
I was sitting next to Chris when it happened, The Holly Incident.
霍莉事件发生时，我坐在克里斯旁边。
Sanford and I are in every class together.
桑福德和我每节课都在一起。
He has long hair and silky-like shirts with very intense patterns that my mother will never get me because they give you bad B.O., according to her.
他有一头长发，穿着丝绸般的衬衫，上面有非常强烈的图案，据她说，我妈妈永远不会给我买这些衬衫，因为它们会给你带来糟糕的 B.O.。
Chris Sanford's name is written on desks with heart-shaped vowels.
克里斯·桑福德的名字写在桌子上，上面写着心形元音。
Girls gives me notes for him.
女孩们给我写了一些笔记给他。
The Holly Incident happened in English.
霍莉事件发生在英语中。
Miss Rothstein was talking like a robot.
罗斯坦小姐说话就像个机器人。
She was saying, "As flies to the wanton gods," saying, "Two roads diverged on a darkling plain," blah, blah.
她说，“就像苍蝇飞向肆意的诸神一样，”她说，“在黑暗的平原上分岔了两条路，”等等，等等。
"The wine-dark sea was going over some crazy cliff," blah, blah, blah.
“酒色的大海正在冲过某个疯狂的悬崖，”等等，等等，等等。
Sanford and I were in the back row because in our English class, there are no major back-rowers of the type who will hang in the bathrooms and stick your head down the toilet or set fire to your hair if you look at them.
桑福德和我坐在后排，因为在我们的英语课上，没有那种会挂在浴室里，把你的头伸进马桶，或者如果你看他们就会放火烧你的头发的类型的主要后排人。
Miss Rothstein was talking.
罗斯坦小姐正在说话。
But we were looking out the window to the hill, where kids go to smoke drugs because Fleagle, the big-butt principal, can't get up the hill fast enough.
但我们看着窗外的山，孩子们去那里吸毒，因为大屁股校长弗利格尔上山的速度不够快。
And Holly Heyward was coming down the hill with Ingrid Bentley, the two of them laughing, faded T-shirts and tight blue jeans, flicking their blond hair back until they went out of sight below.
霍莉·海沃德正和英格丽德·本特利一起从山上下来，两人笑着，穿着褪色的 T 恤和紧身蓝色牛仔裤，把金色的头发向后拂去，直到消失在下面的视线中。
My brain was veering off course.
我的大脑偏离了方向。
Miss Rothstein said, "Chris, would you like to tell us what Bartleby likes to say?" And Chris said, "I'd prefer not to." And Miss Rothstein beamed at him like Mrs. Cleaver.
罗斯坦小姐说：“克里斯，你愿意告诉我们巴特比喜欢说什么吗？”克里斯说：“我不想这么做。”罗斯坦小姐像克里弗夫人一样对他微笑。
The dude was so smart.
这家伙太聪明了。
A minute later, Holly and Ingrid walked past our classroom windows and waved at Chris.
一分钟后，霍莉和英格丽德走过我们教室的窗户，向克里斯挥手。
I was between Chris and the window, so they could have been waving at me.
我在克里斯和窗户之间，所以他们可能正在向我挥手。
But I only smiled back, since the dumbest thing you can do, besides having to go to the blackboard with a boner, is wave back at someone who is waving at the person behind you.
但我只是回以微笑，因为你能做的最愚蠢的事情，除了傻乎乎地走到黑板前，就是向正在向你身后的人挥手的人挥手。
Holly's cheeks were bright red with something.
霍莉的脸颊因为某种东西而变得鲜红。
Miss Rothstein was talking blah, blah about the meaning of silence and didn't see Holly and Ingrid laughing and making hand signs at Chris, didn't see me in the middle, tipping back against the wall in my chair, trying not to let the legs slip out from under since that is also bone-headed in the extreme.
罗斯坦小姐正在喋喋不休地谈论沉默的意义，没有看到霍莉和英格丽德笑着向克里斯打手势，也没有看到我在中间，靠在椅子上的墙上，努力不让腿从下面滑出来，因为这也是愚蠢到了极点。
Holly stuck her laughing head in the back window and said, in her throaty voice, "Hey." She looked over toward Miss Rothstein, who was still blah, blah, blahing, and said, "Hey, Chris, who's your friend?
霍莉笑着把头探进后窗，用沙哑的声音说：“嘿。”她看着仍在喋喋不休的罗斯坦小姐，说道：“嘿，克里斯，谁是你的朋友？
He's cute."
他很可爱。”
The sky was pale blue, and her cheeks red, and her hair wispy blond, and she said, "Hey, Chris, who's your friend?
天空是淡蓝色的，她的脸颊是红色的，头发是一缕金色的，她说：“嘿，克里斯，谁是你的朋友？
He's cute." Tall Holly, swaying, smiling, playing hooky, and probably stoned.
他很可爱。”高个子霍莉，摇摇晃晃，微笑着，逃学，可能还喝醉了。
I was looking at my desk, thinking, "Do something.
我看着我的桌子，心里想：“做点什么吧。”
Do something.
做点什么。
Do something." Then Sanford held up his notebook with my name in big letters.
做点什么吧。”然后桑福德举起他的笔记本，上面写着我的大写字母。
And I turned back to see them gone.
我回头看到他们走了。
Leaving class, Miss Rothstein gave Chris her toothpaste smile.
下课后，罗斯坦小姐向克里斯露出了牙膏般的微笑。
And we floated into the corridor swarm, everything moving away slow like we were on a new planet.
我们飘进了走廊群，一切都缓慢地移开，就像我们身处一个新星球一样。
The floors were all tilted, and I had to lean with the slope a bit just to walk upright.
地板都是倾斜的，我必须稍微倾斜才能直立行走。
He was coming to get me.
他是来接我的。
I could hear him thumping up the stairs to my room.
我能听到他重重地上楼梯到我房间的声音。
The door opened.
门开了。
He said, "Get downstairs and eat your dinner." I didn't get up.
他说：“下楼去吃晚饭吧。”我没有起来。
I was starving.
我快饿死了。
He stared at me like to say he was going to put me through the wall again, so I sat up.
他盯着我，好像在说他要再次把我穿墙，所以我坐了起来。
I swung my feet to the floor and sat on the edge of the bed.
我把脚放在地板上，坐在床边。
I looked right at him, thinking, "I am so sick of his crap every day." He said, "What the hell's the matter with you, anyway?" I said, "Nothing.
我直视着他，心想：“我每天都厌倦了他的废话。”他说：“你到底怎么了？”我说：“没什么。
What's the matter with you?" But I said the second part real quiet.
你怎么了？”但我说第二部分非常安静。
"What's that, smart guy?" He said, his lip coming up in the corner.
“那是什么，聪明人？”他说着，嘴角扬起。
He looked at me some more that way, but I wouldn't say.
他又用那样的眼神看着我，但我没有说。
He said, "I'm going to cut your brother's hair first.
他说：“我要先给你弟弟剪头发。
I better not have to come back up here and get you." He left, and I lay back down on the bed.
我最好不必回到这里来接你。”他走了，我又躺回床上。
I heard the porch door open and shut, open and shut, open and shut.
我听到门廊的门打开又关上，打开又关上，打开又关上。
And then I could hear the whine of the clippers.
然后我就能听到快船的呜呜声。
I thought, "I'll jerk my head and make him cut my ear off like Picasso.
我想：“我会猛地一摇头，让他像毕加索一样割掉我的耳朵。
That would be sweet, him dropping to his knees, blubbering how he never meant to hurt me so bad." I could already see it.
那真是太好了，他跪下来，哭着说他从来没想过这么伤害我。”我已经可以看到了。
I'd have a pale white skull, my hair sticking up so short.
我的头骨呈淡白色，头发竖得很短。
I was thinking the places I could go free period to avoid haircut jokes and Holly.
我在想空闲时间可以去哪些地方，以避免理发笑话和霍莉。
All I wanted was one of those laughs when I said something to her, slow motion, head back, hair floating through space, everything layered under it, the other guys looking at me, everything rolling under me like the sea.
我想要的只是当我对她说话时的笑声，慢动作，头向后仰，头发漂浮在空中，一切都分层在它下面，其他人看着我，一切都像大海一样在我下面滚动。
I couldn't go to Holly's party now.
我现在不能去霍莉的聚会了。
But at least The Ricky Kenickie Problem was solved.
但至少瑞奇·肯尼基问题得到了解决。
At least I wouldn't get killed at the party in a repeat of The Bathroom Incident, me standing there, saying nothing, fumbling with my zipper, and having trouble whizzing all because we were in there alone mid-period.
至少我不会像《浴室事件》那样在聚会上被杀，我站在那儿，一言不发，摸索着我的拉链，因为我们在中间独自一人在那里，所以在派对上遇到了麻烦。
And Kenickie said, "What are you doing, faggot?
肯尼基说：“你在做什么，混蛋？
Beating off in there?
在那里打架？
Hey, fatso?
嘿，胖子？
You beating it?"
你打得过吗？”
His gang had cut a kid up in the locker room.
他的团伙在更衣室里砍伤了一个孩子。
And he beat a kid half to death in the crappers one day.
有一天，他在拉屎场里把一个孩子打得半死。
And he was looking at me twisted.
他扭曲地看着我。
I had never seen his bad skin up so close before.
我以前从未如此近距离地观察过他糟糕的皮肤。
I should have said, "Yeah, I'm taking a whiz.
我应该说：“是的，我正在尝试。
What's it to you, gear head?" and just let him kill my butt.
齿轮头，关你什么事？”就让他杀了我的屁股。
I coulda turned, and whizzed on him, and said "That answer your question, clutch mouth?" instead of swallowing and getting all clenched up with stage fright, so that he could finish first, zip up, and thump me in the back of the head, and say, "Well, I asked what you're doing, faggot."
我本可以转过身来，飞快地冲向他，说道：“这回答了你的问题吗，抓紧嘴巴？”而不是吞咽口水，因怯场而紧张，这样他就可以先说完，然后拉上拉链，敲打我的后脑勺，然后说：“好吧，我问你在做什么，混蛋。”
I should have spin dropped, and shoulder kicked him right in the face, and then pulled my dad's piece on him, and said, "How about I blow a big chunk of your brain right through the wall, butt wipe?" instead of letting him smack my head again and say, "You come in here again, and I'll kick your ass." And being so shook up that now I only use the faculty bathrooms and do a special swimming class with Ted Ludwig so I don't have to use the regular locker room.
我应该转身，用肩膀踢他的脸，然后把我爸爸的棋子拉到他身上，说：“我把你的一大块大脑从墙上打出去，擦屁股怎么样？”而不是让他再次敲我的头并说：“你再来这里，我就踢你的屁股。”我非常震惊，现在我只使用教员的浴室，并和泰德·路德维希一起上特殊的游泳课，这样我就不必使用常规的更衣室了。
My mother called my name.
我妈妈叫了我的名字。
I waited a bit, then got up and went downstairs.
我等了一会儿，然后起身下楼。
My father looked through the screen door at my mother, and they smiled smug little smiles at each other.
父亲透过纱门看着母亲，他们互相得意地微笑着。
And I put my head down and ate as fast as I could.
我低下头，尽可能快地吃起来。
When my brother was done, he came in looking retarded and gloating at me.
当我哥哥完成后，他进来了，看上去很迟钝，幸灾乐祸地看着我。
He got my sister to sing with him, "Hey, tubby tuba, why don't you cry, why don't you cry, why don't you cry?" A special song just for me.
他让我妹妹和他一起唱歌，“嘿，胖子，你为什么不哭，你为什么不哭，你为什么不哭？”一首特别适合我的歌。
My mother said, "Now, kids." But my father allowed it, which made me almost start up with my crying again.
妈妈说：“现在，孩子们。”但父亲允许了，这让我差点又哭了起来。
I wasn't ashamed.
我并不感到羞耻。
That's when he really did it, got me out on the porch in front of the whole neighborhood and buzzed me good with grandpa's clippers.
就在那时，他真的做到了，把我带到了整个社区前面的门廊上，并用爷爷的快船给我带来了欢乐。
He buzzed me real good.
他对我的嗡嗡声非常好。
I just sat there, stony-faced, and let him do it.
我只是板着脸坐在那里，让他这么做。
The clumps of hair fell on my lap and down onto the concrete porch.
一簇簇头发落在我的腿上，落在混凝土门廊上。
I clamped my teeth together and stared at my father when he got in front of me to look at my hair and try to make it level.
当父亲走到我面前，检查我的头发并试图把它弄平时，我咬紧牙关，盯着他。
He'd raise the clippers to try to cut a straight line, but his hands would shake like grandpa's.
他会举起剪刀试图剪出一条直线，但他的手会像爷爷一样颤抖。
And I'd jerk my head just a little, so he'd get it wrong.
我会稍微摇头，这样他就会弄错。
But he couldn't admit he'd cut it wrong, so he'd go and do some little crap with the clippers as if there was more to be done.
但他不能承认自己剪错了，所以他会去用快船做一些小事，好像还有更多事情要做。
And then he'd come back to the front again and look at it like he was really going to do it.
然后他会再次回到前面，看着它，就像他真的要这么做一样。
And I'd jerk it again.
我会再次猛拉它。
And after a while, the front wasn't an issue because it was gone.
过了一段时间，前面就不再是问题了，因为它消失了。
"All right," he said, "there you go." "Thanks a lot," I said, "great job." He grabbed my shirt.
“好吧，”他说，“就这样吧。” “非常感谢，”我说，“干得好。”他抓住了我的衬衫。
"You better watch your goddamned mouth," he said.
“你最好管管你那该死的嘴，”他说。
"You've got no appreciation for anything your mother and I do around here." I made my face go blank 'til he let go.
“你对你母亲和我在这里所做的一切都没有感激之情。”我面无表情，直到他放手。
Then I went upstairs.
然后我就上楼了。
My scalp looked like a giant fish belly in my mirror.
我的头皮在镜子里看起来就像一个巨大的鱼肚。
I got to thinking about how to get out of school.
我不得不考虑如何离开学校。
But then I'd flunk my finals, and he'd wail me good for that.
但后来我期末考试没及格，他会为此而哀叹我。
The next day was third-period lunch, and Holly would stop on the balcony to talk to Chris and me before going up the hill to hang out with Kenickie's people.
第二天是第三节午餐，霍莉会在阳台上停下来与克里斯和我交谈，然后上山与肯尼基的人一起出去玩。
Everything was pretty much wrecked.
一切都被毁坏了。
I was lying there for a long time.
我在那里躺了很长时间。
And eventually, I got an idea how to get them all back.
最终，我想到了如何把它们全部找回来。
I would set my alarm for 3:00 AM.
我会将闹钟设置为凌晨 3:00。
I would go into the basement and get grandpa's clippers.
我会去地下室拿爷爷的剪刀。
In the dead of night, I would take the rest of my hair off, take it right down to the bone, and make it like sandpaper.
在夜深人静的时候，我会把剩下的头发脱下来，一直到骨头，把它弄得像砂纸一样。
In the morning, I could just see it.
早上的时候，我只能看到它。
My brother's eyes would be out of his head.
我哥哥的眼睛会失去理智的。
"Whoa," he'd say, "radical." I would stare at him with an ugly look.
“哇哦，”他会说，“太激进了。”我会用一种难看的眼神看着他。
My mother would walk into the kitchen and say, "Oh my god, oh my god, what happened?" I wouldn't say a word.
我妈妈会走进厨房说：“天哪，天哪，发生了什么事？”我不会说一句话。
My dad would be grinding his molars, seeing his handiwork down the tube.
我父亲会磨着他的臼齿，看着他的杰作在管子里。
"Whoo-hee," my brother would say, "holy geez, whoo-hee." My mother would follow me around and say, "Do you want to talk?
“呼呼，”我哥哥会说，“天哪，呼呼。”我妈妈会跟着我，问我：“你想说话吗？
This isn't like you.
这不像你。
What's happened to you?
你怎么了？
You're frightening us." I'd walk to the door and shut it behind me.
你吓到我们了。”我会走到门口，把门关上。
I wouldn't be going on the bus.
我不会去公共汽车。
I would have all my money and my dad's piece in my pocket.
我会把我所有的钱和我父亲的钱都放在口袋里。
And I would not be going on the bus.
我不会上公共汽车。
I woke up.
我醒了。
It was morning.
那是早上。
My father's head was in the door.
我父亲的头在门里。
"Get up," he said, "you're going to miss school." My mom called up about the bus coming.
“起来吧，”他说，“你会错过学校的。”我妈妈打电话说公交车要来了。
I waited, then got up and went downstairs.
我等了一会儿，然后起身下楼。
My brother said, "Later, buzzy," and hid behind her, so I couldn't thump him.
我哥哥说：“一会儿吧，嗡嗡”，然后躲到她身后，这样我就不能打他了。
On the bus, the older kids were pinging the back of my head, making lawn mower and army and male pattern baldness jokes.
在公共汽车上，年龄较大的孩子们在我的后脑勺上敲打着，开着割草机、军队和男性秃顶的笑话。
I could hear them in the back.
我可以听到他们在后面。
I was trying to laugh like I thought it was funny.
我试图笑出声，就像我认为这很有趣一样。
You couldn't say anything to kids like them.
你不能对像他们这样的孩子说什么。
All day long, Sanford was dogging on me, rubbing my head and laughing.
一整天，桑福德都缠着我，一边摸着我的头一边笑。
After a while, I didn't care so much.
过了一段时间，我就不再那么在意了。
But at lunch, Holly came up and stood next to Sanford and me on the balcony, her long, yellow hair and throaty laugh, the smell of tobacco.
但午餐时，霍莉出现在阳台上，站在桑福德和我旁边，她长长的黄色头发和沙哑的笑声，还有烟草的味道。
My tongue was thick as steak.
我的舌头像牛排一样厚。
She was looking down on the parking lot dumpsters.
她低头看着停车场的垃圾箱。
I knew what she was thinking, what a total doink I was, that I must have wanted my hair this way, like I went to a barber and asked for it because it's my idea of a good haircut.
我知道她在想什么，我是一个多么愚蠢的人，我一定想要这样的头发，就像我去找理发师要求它一样，因为这是我对好发型的想法。
Inside, she was barfing.
她在里面呕吐。
My only chance was to explain what he did to me.
我唯一的机会就是向我解释他对我做了什么。
I was shaking.
我浑身发抖。
I said, "My father cut my hair.
我说：“我父亲剪了我的头发。
I'm so bummed." I could hear myself talking like a spaz.
我很沮丧。”我能听到自己像个疯子一样说话。
She wasn't even looking.
她甚至没有看。
I said, "It looks like total crap.
我说：“看起来完全是一派胡言。
There was nothing I could do.
我无能为力。
Can you believe it?
你能相信吗？
What a nightmare."
真是一场噩梦。”
She looked at me like she just realized that I was there.
她看着我，就像她刚刚意识到我在那里一样。
She said, "Huh, I didn't notice." Just like that.
她说：“呃，我没注意到。”就这样。
"Huh, I didn't notice." It hit me with a soft thud in the solar plextum.
“呵呵，我没注意到。”它在我的太阳神经丛中发出轻微的撞击声。
We stood there looking out over the Dumpsters, where the kids were throwing milk cartons at each other.
我们站在那里，眺望垃圾箱，孩子们在那里互相扔牛奶盒。
I was fighting the feeling, but it kept getting bigger.
我一直在对抗这种感觉，但它却越来越强烈。
The whole shape of life was crushing down flat into nothing.
整个生命的形态都被压得粉碎，化为乌有。
I could feel it shoving me right out of view until I was nowhere, I was so squashed.
我能感觉到它把我推到看不见的地方，直到我不知所措，我被压扁了。
Down below, a kid got pelted with an exploding milk.
下面，一个孩子被爆炸的牛奶击中。
It happened in a movie-ish way.
它以电影般的方式发生。
Holly laughed and squeezed Chris's arm.
霍莉笑着捏捏克里斯的手臂。
Everyone was laughing except me.
除了我之外，每个人都在笑。
A couple of motor heads, who were hill-hauling a seventh grader to grass stain his shirt, let him go and came down to see what would happen.
几个汽车头目正把一名七年级学生拖到山上，让他的衬衫被草弄脏，他们让他走，下来看看会发生什么。
The milked kid was trying to smile, but you could see him swallowing.
挤奶的孩子想微笑，但你可以看到他吞咽了口水。
He knew he just became the kid who got hit with an exploding milk.
他知道他刚刚变成了那个被爆炸的牛奶击中的孩子。
For maybe three days, that's who he would be.
也许三天里，他就是这样的人。
He would go home tonight, and his mother would say, "Where'd you get all that mess on your shirt?" And he'd say, "It wasn't my fault.
今晚他回家时，他妈妈会说：“你的衬衫上哪儿来这么多乱七八糟的东西？”他会说：“这不是我的错。
A kid threw it at me." And his father would say, "Did you punch him out?" And he'd say, "You can't just punch kids out." And the father would say, "I woulda punched his lights right out for him." And the kid would be thinking, "Sure, I bet."
一个孩子向我扔了它。”他的父亲会说：“你把他打晕了吗？”他会说：“你不能直接把孩子打出去。”父亲会说：“我愿意为他把他的灯打灭。”孩子会想：“当然，我敢打赌。”
I was holding my teeth together.
我咬紧牙关。
The feeling was getting bigger than me.
这种感觉比我更大。
Holly stood up tall to see over the Dumpster edge.
霍莉站起来，透过垃圾箱边缘往外看。
I was a midget next to her.
我在她身边就是个侏儒。
The exploding milk kid walked up to a little seventh grader who was laughing and said something to him.
爆炸的牛奶小孩走到一个七年级小学生面前，他笑着对他说了些什么。
You could see the littler kid saying he didn't throw the milk and looking toward two other big kids who had been throwing milks.
你可以看到那个小孩子说他没有扔牛奶，然后看着另外两个一直在扔牛奶的大孩子。
But the exploding milk kid was already in the little kid's face, pushing him.
但爆炸的牛奶小子已经打到了小孩子的脸上，推着他。
The milked kid's friend walked up behind the littler kid.
挤奶孩子的朋友走到较小的孩子后面。
He pulled a can out of his pocket and pointed it at him.
他从口袋里掏出一个罐子，指着他。
"Whoa," Sanford said, "he's macing him.
“哇哦，”桑福德说，“他正在用狼牙棒攻击他。
Awesome." The seventh grader walked backward, holding his face.
太棒了。”七年级学生捂着脸向后退去。
He tripped on the curb.
他在路边绊倒了。
The milked kid pushed him all the way down and started kicking him in his face and in the stomach.
挤奶的孩子把他推倒在地，并开始踢他的脸和肚子。
"Oh my god," Holly said.
“天哪，”霍莉说。
She put her hand to mouth, watching.
她把手放在嘴边看着。
I could see her face.
我可以看到她的脸。
She was half-smiling, watching the blood pouring out of the kid's face.
她半笑着，看着血从孩子脸上涌出来。
She grabbed Chris's arm.
她抓住克里斯的手臂。
"This is major," Sanford said.
“这很重要，”桑福德说。
Everyone stopped to watch.
大家都停下来观看。
You could see Kenickie's people starting down the hill.
你可以看到肯尼基的人开始下山。
I kept waiting for the teachers to run out and stop it before the little kid got hurt any worse.
我一直在等待老师们跑出来阻止这件事，以免那个小孩受到更严重的伤害。
The milked kid was still kicking him.
那个挤奶的孩子还在踢他。
There was blood on his sneaker.
他的运动鞋上有血迹。
The other kid wasn't moving at all or grunting like before.
另一个孩子根本没有动，也没有像以前那样咕哝。
"Jesus," said Sanford.
“天哪，”桑福德说。
The milked kid kicked him one more time in the back, then stopped.
挤奶的孩子又踢了他一脚，然后停了下来。
He licked his lips and looked around.
他舔了舔嘴唇，环顾四周。
His friend grabbed his sleeve, and they started toward the hill.
他的朋友抓住他的袖子，他们向山上走去。
I couldn't help it.
我忍不住了。
I was crying right there in front of everyone.
我当着大家的面哭了。
I took a step backward and turned toward the wall.
我向后退了一步，转身面向墙壁。
I could see Holly looking at me when I sat down.
当我坐下时，我可以看到霍莉正在看着我。
I was crying hard, and I knew Sanford and her were staring at me.
我哭得很厉害，我知道桑福德和她正在盯着我。
But there was nothing I could do about it.
但我对此无能为力。
I couldn't stop it anymore.
我无法再阻止了。
Tim Melley is an associate professor of English at the mysteriously-named University of Miami of Ohio.
蒂姆·梅利是神秘名字俄亥俄州迈阿密大学的英语副教授。
His story, "My Crap Life," first appeared in The Sun.
他的故事《我的垃圾生活》首次出现在《太阳报》上。
Well, coming up, anatomy of a public radio feature story shot to hell because an insider became an outsider.
好吧，接下来，对公共广播专题故事的剖析会因为一个内部人士变成了一个局外人而陷入地狱。
And life among the Christians.
以及基督徒之间的生活。
In a minute from Public Radio International when our program continues.
国际公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose some theme, bring you all sorts of different stories on that theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一些主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同的故事。
Today's program, One Of Us.
今天的节目是《我们中的一员》。
Stories of outsiders who want to be insiders and insiders who want to be outsiders.
局外人想成为局内人，局内人想成为局外人的故事。
We have arrived at Act Two of our program, in which we move from fiction to nonfiction, from adolescence to adulthood, from social life to work life.
我们已经进入了计划的第二幕，我们从小说转向非小说，从青春期转向成年，从社交生活转向工作生活。
Because any workplace of any size at all has its insiders and outsiders, its own rules and codes that determine how you move from one group to another.
因为任何规模的工作场所都有其内部人员和外部人员，有其自己的规则和准则，这些规则和准则决定了您如何从一个群体转移到另一个群体。
Those rules and codes are usually very arcane, of course.
当然，这些规则和守则通常非常晦涩难懂。
It's Byzantine.
这是拜占庭式的。
At the Mercantile Exchange, for example, here in Chicago, where guys stand on the trading floor, yelling prices and bids for pork bellies and cattle options, a trader named Mike Quattrocki explained the rules of the floor to me.
例如，在芝加哥商品交易所，人们站在交易大厅里，大喊五花肉和牛期权的价格和出价，一位名叫迈克·夸特罗基 (Mike Quattrocki) 的交易员向我解释了交易大厅的规则。
They include things like--
它们包括这样的东西——
Say I'm bidding on a thing-- or I'm offering something, and someone offers it one fraction of a price better than me and gets the whole trade, that's called "carping a trade." So they carp your market.
假设我正在竞标某物，或者我正在提供某物，有人以比我高出一小部分的价格获得整个交易，这就是所谓的“吹毛求疵交易”。所以他们会抢占你的市场。
They take the whole trade.
他们占据了整个贸易。
You're like, "Well, I was just a fraction of a price away.
你会说，“好吧，我只差了一小部分价格。
Don't I deserve something?" Technically speaking, no. You deserve nothing.
难道我不值得得到什么吗？”从技术上来说，不。你什么都不值得。
Your price wasn't good enough.
你的价格不够好。
The best offer is the best offer.
最好的报价就是最好的报价。
The best bid is the best bid.
最好的出价就是最好的出价。
So they take your trade.
所以他们拿走了你的生意。
What am I gonna do to you next time if you've stolen a trade from me?
如果你下次偷了我的交易，我该怎么办？
Or I perceive that you've taken this trade by carping my market?
或者我认为你是通过挑剔我的市场来进行这笔交易的？
I'm gonna try and carp your market.
我会尝试占领你的市场。
Guys who carp markets do not stay insiders very long.
那些在市场上吹毛求疵的人不会在内部停留太久。
Well, this next story is about two people in two different kinds of jobs with two different sets of codes.
好吧，下一个故事是关于两个人从事两种不同的工作，拥有两套不同的代码。
Dan Collison is a public radio reporter whose stories are usually in places like All Things Considered.
丹·科里森 (Dan Collison) 是一名公共广播电台记者，他的故事通常出现在“考虑到所有事情”等地方。
He did a series where he rode across the country on a Greyhound bus, did stories about the people he met along the way.
他制作了一个系列节目，其中他乘坐灰狗巴士穿越整个国家，讲述他沿途遇到的人的故事。
And a while back, he set out to do a kind of quintessential public radio feature story, a story about the working man.
不久前，他开始制作一个典型的公共广播专题故事，一个关于工人的故事。
And it all fell apart, all because the working man decided, in this case, that he was not one of them.
而这一切都崩溃了，这一切都是因为工人决定，在这种情况下，他不是他们中的一员。
Pilottown, Louisiana, is the last town on the Mississippi River.
路易斯安那州的皮洛敦 (Pilottown) 是密西西比河上的最后一个城镇。
It's about 90 miles south of New Orleans, beyond the end of the road.
它位于新奥尔良以南约 90 英里处，在路的尽头之外。
You have to take a boat to get there.
你必须乘船才能到达那里。
Pilottown is built entirely on stilts in order to keep the houses above the marshy swamps.
Pilottown 完全建在高跷上，以便将房屋保持在沼泽之上。
There are only 16 year-round residents of Pilottown.
Pilottown 常年居住的居民只有 16 人。
As the name suggests, the pilots are the reason the town exists.
顾名思义，飞行员是小镇存在的原因。
They are an elite group of men who climb rope ladders-- they're called Jacob's Ladders-- up the sides of massive freighters and tankers.
他们是一群精英，他们爬上大型货轮和油轮的绳梯（他们被称为雅各布梯）。
Their job is to navigate the ships through treacherous, narrow straits, around dredges and supertankers, and over sandbars, to and from the Gulf of Mexico.
他们的工作是驾驶船只穿过险恶狭窄的海峡，绕过挖泥船和超级油轮，越过沙洲，往返墨西哥湾。
It's like threading the eye of a needle.
就像穿针眼一样。
I've always wanted to be a pilot.
我一直想成为一名飞行员。
I can remember just being awestruck by the whole idea of it.
我记得我对它的整个想法感到震惊。
The first interviews I did were with two young apprentice pilots.
我第一次采访的是两名年轻的见习飞行员。
This is where things began to unravel.
这就是事情开始瓦解的地方。
Ever since the Pilots' Association was formed back in 1899, fathers have passed on their jobs to their sons.
自从 1899 年飞行员协会成立以来，父亲们就将自己的工作传给了儿子。
As a result, there's never been a pilot who was not a white male.
因此，从来没有一个飞行员不是白人男性。
Without any prompting, one of the apprentices informed me that this "nepotism," his word, will soon be a thing of the past.
没有任何提示，一位学徒就告诉我，用他的话来说，这种“裙带关系”很快就会成为过去。
Times are changing.
时代在变。
So hopefully, we might be one of the last groups to through here in the same process that the pilots have used for 100 years.
因此，希望我们可能是最后一批完成这里任务的团队之一，其流程与飞行员已经使用了 100 年的流程相同。
Nepotism might be on the way out.
裙带关系可能正在消失。
I dutifully followed up with a couple questions.
我尽职尽责地提出了几个问题。
"Would there ever come a day," I asked, "when women and minorities would be admitted into the Association?" Here, I had unwittingly wandered into a hornet's nest.
“有一天，”我问，“妇女和少数族裔会被接纳加入协会吗？”在这里，我不知不觉中就闯了马蜂窝。
Turns out, the pilots are a little touchy about this.
事实证明，飞行员对此有点敏感。
I found out later that the NAACP is threatening to file a lawsuit unless the Pilots' Association opens things up to African-Americans.
后来我发现全国有色人种协进会威胁要提起诉讼，除非飞行员协会向非裔美国人开放。
It's a life that a lot of people think they might like, but wouldn't.
这是很多人认为自己可能喜欢但实际上并不喜欢的生活。
I think you have to grow up with it.
我认为你必须与它一起成长。
That's Gary Mott, recorded before he hated my guts.
那是加里·莫特（Gary Mott），在他讨厌我之前录制的。
He's been a pilot for 30 years.
他当飞行员已有 30 年了。
My father was a pilot.
我的父亲是一名飞行员。
And so was his father.
他的父亲也是如此。
I'm third generation.
我是第三代。
The morning after I interviewed him and the apprentices, Mott confronted me outside the pilots' headquarters.
在我采访他和学徒们的第二天早上，莫特在飞行员总部外与我对峙。
He's short and muscular and has piercing, dark eyes.
他身材矮小，肌肉发达，有着一双锐利的黑眼睛。
He's not a guy you want to get angry, but that's just what he was.
他不是一个你想生气的人，但他就是这样。
He had apparently talked to the apprentices about their interview and had somehow concluded that I was in Pilottown to dig up dirt.
他显然已经和学徒们谈论了他们的面试，并以某种方式得出结论，我是来皮洛敦挖土的。
"Who do you think you are?" he screamed, "Coming down here to stir things up, calling us a white males club?" When I explained that the issue of diversity among the pilots, or the lack thereof, was not the focus of my story, and that one of the apprentices had brought up the matter of nepotism in the first place, it only made matters worse.
“你以为你是谁？”他尖叫道：“来这里挑起事端，称我们为白人男性俱乐部？”当我解释说飞行员之间的多样性问题或缺乏多样性问题并不是我故事的重点，并且其中一名学徒首先提出了裙带关系问题时，这只会让事情变得更糟。
That apprentice, it turns out, was Gary Mott's son.
事实证明，那个学徒是加里·莫特的儿子。
He stalked off, angrier than ever.
他大步走开，比以往更加愤怒。
From then on, every time I would walk into a room of pilots, they'd stop talking.
从那时起，每次我走进飞行员的房间，他们都会停止说话。
At first, I thought I might be imagining it.
起初，我以为这可能是我的想象。
But it happened each time.
但每次都这样。
I ate a lot of meals by myself.
我一个人吃了很多饭。
When the pilots did talk to me, it was to ask when I was planning to leave.
当飞行员确实与我交谈时，他们是问我打算什么时候离开。
One day, in the pilot's TV lounge, I decided to break the silence.
有一天，在飞行员的电视休息室里，我决定打破沉默。
"Look, you guys have to believe me.
“听着，你们必须相信我。
I'm not out to make you look bad." "But we don't even know who you are," they countered.
我不是为了让你难堪。” “但我们甚至不知道你是谁，”他们反驳道。
"You could be anybody." It was true.
“你可以是任何人。”这是真的。
I could have been anybody.
我可以是任何人。
All I had was my radio gear and an old business card from a video company I had worked for until it folded.
我所拥有的只是我的无线电设备和一张我曾工作过的视频公司的旧名片，直到该公司倒闭。
My assurances that I was a legitimate reporter fell on deaf ears.
我对自己是一名合法记者的保证却被置若罔闻。
The more I tried to explain, the guiltier I seemed.
我越想解释，我似乎就越内疚。
Word of my incursion had reached all the way down to the pilots' outpost in the Gulf of Mexico, where the radio dispatcher, who looked like Doctor John in cut-offs and was said to practice voodoo in the French quarter, asked me if I was with the Congressional Black Caucus.
我入侵的消息一路传到了墨西哥湾的飞行员前哨，那里的无线电调度员问我是否是国会黑人核心小组的成员，他的衣服看起来像约翰医生，据说在法国区练习巫术。
What complicated things further was that my host, the pilot who had smoothed the way for my visit, a genial fellow named Mac Lincoln, was caught in the middle.
使事情变得更加复杂的是，我的主人，为我的访问铺平道路的飞行员，一个名叫麦克林肯的和蔼可亲的家伙，被夹在了中间。
He tried to vouch for me, but he couldn't promise the other pilots that I wouldn't sully their image in some way.
他试图为我做担保，但他无法向其他飞行员保证我不会以某种方式玷污他们的形象。
If I portrayed them as a white males club, as they feared, Mac would take the heat.
如果我像他们担心的那样将他们描绘成白人男性俱乐部，麦克就会承受压力。
He pleaded with me on numerous occasions as a friend, man to man.
他在很多场合以朋友的身份恳求我，一对一的。
"Don't touch the racial thing.
“不要触及种族问题。
Then you can come back to Pilottown."
然后你就可以回到Pilottown了。”
I'd come to Pilottown in the first place to let the outside world know about one of the few romantic professions left in America.
我来到Pilottown首先是为了让外界了解美国仅存的少数浪漫职业之一。
Mark Twain put it this way, "A pilot was one of the only unfettered and entirely independent human beings that lived on the earth." Now these unfettered and independent human beings agreed on one thing.
马克·吐温这样说：“飞行员是地球上唯一不受束缚、完全独立的人类之一。”现在，这些不受束缚、独立的人类在一件事上达成了一致。
I'd come to destroy their way of life.
我来是为了摧毁他们的生活方式。
I was the enemy all because of an issue I hadn't even raised.
我之所以成为敌人，完全是因为一个我什至没有提出的问题。
Everything was going wrong.
一切都出了问题。
An old pilot with lots of great tales to tell wouldn't return my phone calls.
一位有很多精彩故事要讲的老飞行员不会回我的电话。
The 83-year-old postmistress of Pilottown wouldn't talk to me.
皮洛敦 83 岁的邮政局长不肯跟我说话。
And the president of the Pilots' Association even called down from New Orleans to see what I was up to.
飞行员协会主席甚至从新奥尔良打电话来看看我在做什么。
On top of that, because of some bad luck with the pilots' schedule, I had to wait several days to go out on a ship with Mac Lincoln.
最重要的是，由于飞行员的日程安排不太好，我不得不等待几天才能与麦克林肯一起上船。
So while I waited, I wandered around outside and collected sound, the river lapping against the dock, the hum of ships rolling by, river birds chirping, insects buzzing.
因此，在等待的同时，我在外面闲逛，收集声音，河流拍打着码头，船只驶过的嗡嗡声，河鸟的鸣叫声，昆虫的嗡嗡声。
I collected hours of noises, enough to start a small sound effects library.
我收集了几个小时的噪音，足以启动一个小型音效库。
I even tried to record some fiddler crabs scurrying back into their holes.
我什至尝试记录一些招潮蟹急忙回到洞里的情景。
I didn't have much else to do.
我没有太多其他事可做。
Finally, I got my chance to climb aboard a ship.
终于，我得到了登上船的机会。
It was sometime after midnight.
那是午夜过后的某个时间。
In the moonlight, I could just make out the silhouette of a giant Greek tanker plowing toward us.
在月光下，我隐约能辨认出一艘巨大的希腊油轮正向我们驶来的轮廓。
As we left the dock in the transport boat, I overheard on my headphones the boat operator picked up by Mac's wireless microphone.
当我们乘坐运输船离开码头时，我在耳机中无意中听到了船操作员通过 Mac 的无线麦克风拾取的声音。
"What is he doing here?
“他在这里做什么？
Is he gonna get on that ship?" So much for Southern hospitality.
他要上那艘船吗？”南方人的热情好客就到此为止了。
I was about to climb up the side of a huge moving tanker on a wobbly rope ladder, and I was scared.
我正要通过摇摇晃晃的绳梯爬上一艘正在移动的巨大油轮的侧面，我很害怕。
I knew how important the boat operator was to the upcoming maneuver.
我知道船只操作员对于即将到来的演习有多么重要。
The ship doesn't slow down.
船并没有减速。
The smaller boat has to pull up alongside it, so we can grab the ladder that's dangling over the side.
小船必须停在它旁边，这样我们就可以抓住悬挂在侧面的梯子。
It's like scaling up a giant steel wall hundreds of feet high, as it rocks back and forth.
这就像攀登一堵数百英尺高的巨大钢墙，前后摇晃。
A wrong move by the boat operator and I could fall between the two vessels.
船操作员的一个错误举动，我可能会掉到两艘船之间。
A number of experienced pilots have died this way.
不少经验丰富的飞行员就这样丧生。
It was ludicrous and paranoid to think about foul play, but it did cross my mind.
想到犯规行为是可笑和偏执的，但它确实闪过我的脑海。
If I fell to my death, who would know?
如果我摔死了，谁会知道呢？
Any clues on my audiotapes would be shredded in the ship's rudder blade.
我的录音带上的任何线索都会被船的舵叶撕碎。
I didn't want to think what would happen to me.
我不想去想我会发生什么。
Be sure you don't fall off.
确保你不会摔倒。
That river's ice cold.
那条河冰冷。
I climb up the rope ladder, one sweaty hand over the other, shins banging against the wood slats, the river roaring below.
我爬上绳梯，一只手出汗，一只手搭在另一只手上，小腿撞击着木板条，河水在下面咆哮。
I'm fearing for my life.
我担心我的生命安全。
Hold on.
坚持，稍等。
Dan Collison I got into radio because there are millions of people whose stories are never told.
丹·科里森（Dan Collison） 我进入广播行业是因为有数百万人的故事从未被讲述过。
This is where you end up when some of them would rather keep it that way.
当他们中的一些人宁愿保持这种状态时，这就是你最终的结果。
Dan Collison.
丹·科里森.
Act Three: My Church Life Ira Glass Act Three, My Church Life.
第三幕：我的教会生活 艾拉·格拉斯 第三幕，我的教会生活。
So Susan Bergman wrote a book in which she mentioned her own Christianity.
因此苏珊·伯格曼写了一本书，其中提到了她自己的基督教。
And a while after the book was published, out of the blue, she got a call from someone who told her that she had been chosen as one of the top 50 young Christians under 40, under 40 years old, that is.
这本书出版后不久，她突然接到一个电话，告诉她，她已被选为 40 岁以下（即 40 岁以下）的 50 名年轻基督徒之一。
Making a list like this is a sort of odd publicity stunt for a major world religion.
对于世界主要宗教来说，列出这样的名单是一种奇怪的宣传噱头。
It's the kind of thing that People magazine does to boost circulation.
这就是《人物》杂志为提高发行量所做的事情。
They name the 10 best-dressed people in America or the 10 sexiest men.
他们评选出美国 10 名最衣着的人或 10 名最性感的男人。
Something a rotary club in a middle-sized American suburb or city might do to ensure attendance at a charity dinner.
美国中型郊区或城市的扶轮俱乐部可能会采取一些措施来确保参加慈善晚宴。
It seems, I don't know, beneath Christianity.
我不知道，这似乎低于基督教。
Christianity, which built Middle Europe, which has the Gospels, and the letter of Paul, and the Vatican.
基督教建立了中欧，有福音书、保罗书信和梵蒂冈。
Susan, needless to say, did not know how to respond.
不用说，苏珊不知道该如何回应。
This is the story of how she allowed herself to be included when this particular group of Christians pointed at her and said, "You're one of us."
这是一个关于当这群特定的基督徒指着她说：“你是我们中的一员”时，她如何让自己融入其中的故事。
"You're on our list," says the woman's voice on my message machine, a freelance writer for Christianity Today.
“你在我们的名单上，”我的留言机上那个女人的声音说道，她是《今日基督教》的自由撰稿人。
"Would there be a time I could interview you for a profile?" She calls back, this time with a deadline.
“有时间我可以采访一下你吗？”她回电，这次是有最后期限的。
"Tell me about the list," I say, immediately uncomfortable with the idea.
“告诉我关于这份清单的事，”我说，立即对这个想法感到不舒服。
"50 people under 40 years old, evangelical up-and-comers," she tells me.
“50 名 40 岁以下的人，福音派的后起之秀，”她告诉我。
They're inviting all 50 of us to the convention of the National Association of Evangelicals in Orlando.
他们邀请我们全部 50 人参加在奥兰多举行的全国福音派协会大会。
We can get to know each other there.
我们可以在那里互相认识。
"Is Ralph Reed on the list?" I ask.
“拉尔夫·里德在名单上吗？”我问。
Though I call myself a Christian, I don't call myself part of the religious right.
虽然我称自己是基督徒，但我并不称自己是宗教右派的一部分。
"I dare to believe," a friend says, "that when Jesus invites all who labor and are heavy-laden, he's not screening for HIV, or voting behavior, or asking whether or not someone has had a divorce, or an abortion." The woman on the other end of the line doesn't understand my hesitation.
一位朋友说：“我敢相信，当耶稣邀请所有劳苦担重担的人时，他并不是在筛查艾滋病毒，也不是投票行为，也不是询问某人是否离婚或堕胎。”电话那头的女士不明白我的犹豫。
"You're not an evangelical?" she asks.
“你不是福音派信徒？”她问。
"What are you, then?" "This is a pretty big question.
“那你是什么？” “这是一个很大的问题。
I'll have to think about how to answer that one too.
我也得想想如何回答这个问题。
Can I call you back?"
我可以给你回电话吗？”
I walk out of the steamy balm of an Orlando morning into the refrigerated conference center across the street from Universal Studios.
我走出奥兰多早晨的热气腾腾的香脂，走进环球影城街对面的冷藏会议中心。
I follow the signs to registration.
我按照指示牌进行登记。
The lady taking names can't find mine.
记名的女士找不到我的。
"Who are you with, dear?" The lady asks pleasantly.
“亲爱的，你和谁在一起？”女士愉快地问道。
I look at her, puzzled.
我困惑地看着她。
I'm standing there by myself.
我一个人站在那里。
I look around for someone I might know.
我环顾四周寻找我可能认识的人。
"Are you a pastor's wife?" she smiles, innocent of her assumptions.
“你是牧师的妻子吗？”她微笑着，对自己的假设一无所知。
"I'm under 40," I hear myself say, against my will, as if offering a secret handshake.
“我还不到 40 岁，”我听见自己违背自己的意愿说道，仿佛在进行一次秘密的握手。
"Oh, with the group of you," she nods knowingly and types my first name only onto my badge.
“哦，和你们一起，”她会意地点点头，只在我的徽章上写下了我的名字。
The main meeting of the day is already underway when I find the auditorium full of what looks to be mostly 58- to 61-year-old, liver-spotted, silver-haired men.
当我发现礼堂里挤满了看起来大多是 58 至 61 岁、有肝斑、银发的男性时，当天的主要会议已经开始。
I look around me.
我环顾四周。
No wonder someone thought they needed to make a list.
难怪有人认为他们需要列出一份清单。
Among the 800 or so leaders of this loose association of 48 Protestant denominations which have gathered for their annual convention, only 30 or so look like they might have been born after 1957.
这个由 48 个新教教派组成的松散协会聚集在一起参加年度大会，在 800 名左右的领导人中，只有 30 名左右看起来像是 1957 年之后出生的。
At various times in the proceedings, they ask everyone on the list to stand up, so that the crowd can take a look for a moment, as if to glimpse what the future may hold.
在会议过程中的不同时刻，他们要求名单上的每个人都站起来，以便人群可以看一眼，仿佛可以看到未来会发生什么。
Ted Haggard, one of the people on the list, a young preacher from Colorado Springs, who pastors his church of over 6,000 members, is talking animatedly about prayer.
特德·哈加德（Ted Haggard）是名单上的人之一，他是一位来自科罗拉多斯普林斯的年轻牧师，他牧养着拥有 6,000 多名成员的教会，他正在热情地谈论祷告。
Not only did his church decide that they would pray for every person in their city, they took out maps, and assigned districts, and organized teams broken into pairs who walked and prayed in front of the houses of the people they prayed for.
他的教会不仅决定为城市中的每个人祈祷，还拿出地图，指定区域，并组织分成两人一组的队伍，在他们所祈祷的人的房屋前行走祈祷。
When they had done this, the next year, they decided to mail out letters, letting people know they were praying with a reply card that could be sent back with a request, so that the prayer could be more relevant.
当他们完成这项工作后，第二年，他们决定寄出信件，让人们知道他们正在祈祷，并附上一张回信卡，可以将请求寄回，这样祈祷就更有意义。
Thousands of cards came back with a question, a weakness, a personal need.
数以千计的卡片带着问题、弱点、个人需求回来了。
So they keep on praying, he says, drawing a simple diagram of the plan on an easel board.
所以他们继续祈祷，他说，并在画架上画了一个简单的计划图。
"Susan!" I hear someone call.
“苏珊！”我听到有人打电话。
Who knows I'm here?
谁知道我在这里？
"David?" It's the tall, gangly kid who ran the pig roasts in college.
“大卫？”就是那个在大学里经营烤猪的高个子、瘦长的孩子。
Same guy, same shock of blond hair falling to one side, same hospitable skill set that got him his current job organizing this conference and hosting meetings of the 50 under 40 while we're in Orlando.
同样的人，同样令人震惊的一头飘落在一侧的金发，同样热情好客的技能让他得到了现在的工作，组织这次会议并在我们在奥兰多期间主持 50 岁以下 40 人的会议。
He instantly becomes my inside source, my orienteer.
他立即成为我的内在来源，我的定向者。
"What exactly do evangelicals believe?" I want to know.
“福音派到底相信什么？”我想知道。
"We have drafts of resolutions," he hands me a stack of papers.
“我们有决议草案，”他递给我一叠文件。
"One of the resolutions they're considering poses the question, does God speak in our time."
“他们正在考虑的一项决议提出了这样一个问题：上帝在我们这个时代会说话吗？”
I asked for a word from God once.
我曾经向上帝求过一句话。
Just one.
只有一个。
When I prayed, I felt, as everyone must have who has tried to pray, that God was silent.
当我祈祷时，我感觉到上帝是沉默的，就像每个尝试过祈祷的人都会有的感觉一样。
I was lying face down on the floor in my office.
我脸朝下躺在办公室的地板上。
"One word, please, God.
“上帝啊，请说一句话。
Answer me," which is a presumptuous demand, I know, to propose, even in a gentle way, that the creator of the universe bend his lips to my ear and speak.
回答我，”我知道，即使是以一种温和的方式，要求宇宙的创造者把嘴唇凑到我耳边说话，也是一种自以为是的要求。
Yet, isn't this what Elijah did, asking God to light his altar on fire after he doused it with water?
然而，这不正是以利亚所做的吗？他用水浇湿了祭坛，然后祈求神将其点燃？
It worked for Elijah.
这对以利亚有效。
The fire of the Lord fell and consumed the burnt offering, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.
耶和华降下火来，烧尽燔祭、木柴、石头、尘土，又舔干沟里的水。
When the people saw the fire, they fell on their faces and said, "The Lord, he is God.
人们看见火，就俯伏在地，说：“耶和华，他是神。
The Lord, he is God." I believe that God still speaks in this way.
主啊，他是神。”我相信神仍然这样说话。
On the floor in my office that day, the word that came into my head was "garden," the very word I needed at that moment.
那天，在我办公室的地板上，我脑海中浮现的词是“花园”，这正是我当时需要的词。
It's Bike Week at Daytona, only a short drive from here.
今天是代托纳自行车周，距离这里只有很短的车程。
300,000 bikers standing around under big, old tents, I imagine, in their muscle shirts.
我想，三十万骑自行车的人穿着肌肉衬衫站在又大又旧的帐篷下。
They steam, while we freeze.
他们冒着蒸汽，而我们却冻结了。
They've come from all over the country, as do most conventioneers, because this is the one group, the something larger than themselves, to which they feel comfortable belonging.
他们和大多数与会者一样来自全国各地，因为这是一个比他们自己更大的群体，他们感到归属感很舒服。
Some of us under 40, I imagine, are secretly thinking about checking out the bikes after lunch.
我想，我们中的一些 40 岁以下的人，可能会在午饭后偷偷地考虑看看自行车。
There must be a uniform there, as there is here among the evangelicals.
那里必须有一套制服，就像这里的福音派一样。
A suit and tie, affordable shoes, a presidential smile.
西装领带，价格实惠的鞋子，总统般的微笑。
There must be a preferred salutation.
必须有一个首选的称呼。
I overhear this scenario more than once when pastors who haven't seen each other for a year reacquaint themselves.
当一年未见的牧师重新认识彼此时，我不止一次听到这样的场景。
They pat each other on the shoulder.
他们互相拍拍对方的肩膀。
"Rich, so good to see you." "Barry, how are you doing, brother?" Extended grip of right hands.
“瑞奇，很高兴见到你。” “巴里，兄弟，你好吗？”右手握距延长。
"Very well, thanks.
“很好，谢谢。
God is good.
上帝是好的。
We're seeing about 900 on a Sunday morning." "Two services?" Now Rich's smile tightens.
周日早上我们看到大约 900 人。” “两项服务？”现在里奇的笑容收紧了。
Barry nods, "Thinking about going to a third."
巴里点点头，“考虑去第三个。”
Barry and Rich, like others of the pastors here, think of people as souls.
巴里和里奇，就像这里的其他牧师一样，认为人是灵魂。
They like to count, to speak of their success in the evangelically-correct paradigm of rising attendance on Sunday morning.
他们喜欢计算，喜欢谈论他们在周日早上出席人数不断增加的福音派正确范例中所取得的成功。
One of the earthly rewards they have discovered for the hard, people-intensive jobs they have is to compare the size of their ranks and their building programs with that of their seminary roommates.
他们发现，从事艰苦、人员密集型工作的尘世奖励之一，就是将自己的队伍规模和建筑项目与神学院的室友进行比较。
Road warriors.
公路战士。
Soldiers of Christ.
基督的精兵。
What would it be like, I wonder, to combine the two conventions under one vast tent?
我想知道，如果将这两个大会合并在一个巨大的帐篷下，会是什么样子？
To count the bikers and the non-bikers together?
将骑自行车的人和不骑自行车的人一起统计？
What greeting would we use?
我们会用什么问候语？
Who would more graciously welcome the other?
谁会更热情地欢迎对方？
Three o'clock, the younger folks are supposed to meet in a room together to discuss the state of Christian affairs.
三点钟，年轻人应该在一个房间里聚会，讨论基督教事务的状况。
Tables have been pushed together.
桌子被推在一起了。
An empty glass for water, a pencil, and three index cards have been placed in front of every participant.
每个参与者面前都放置了一个空水杯、一支铅笔和三张索引卡。
20 or so people sit at the table, the ones on the list who could make it.
桌旁坐了大约 20 个人，他们都是名单上能成功的人。
Around the edge of the room, someone has lined up chairs for those interested in observing, though not participating, it's made clear, with the group under 40.
在房间的边缘，有人为那些有兴趣观察但没有参与的人排好了椅子，很明显，这些人的年龄都在 40 岁以下。
Some reporters, a publisher, organization heads line the walls.
墙上排列着一些记者、出版商和组织负责人。
There's evidently not going to be any cross-pollination of the old with the new.
显然，新旧事物之间不会有任何交叉授粉。
Star Parker introduces herself.
斯塔·帕克自我介绍。
"I'm a former welfare mom," she says.
“我以前是一名福利妈妈，”她说。
That was then.
就是那时。
Now she helps run a social policy research center she helped found with funds from her successful ad agency.
现在，她帮助运营一个社会政策研究中心，该中心是她用她成功的广告公司的资金帮助建立的。
Here's David Gushee, an ethics professor, who drafted the 1995 Southern Baptist Conference Resolution on Racial Reconciliation.
这是伦理学教授大卫·古希 (David Gushee)，他起草了 1995 年美南浸信会会议关于种族和解的决议。
Here's a couple just back from Russia, where they've spent the last four years building churches.
这是一对刚从俄罗斯回来的夫妇，过去四年他们一直在那里建造教堂。
Gradually, the list fills out with real people who lead ordinary, fascinating lives.
渐渐地，这个名单上的人都过着平凡而迷人的生活。
I listen to their stories and sense the change coming in the way Christians define our role in culture.
我聆听他们的故事，感受到基督徒定义我们在文化中的角色的方式正在发生变化。
Here with her father is singer Rebecca St. James, 19 years old, described as part Mother Teresa, part Billy Graham.
19 岁的歌手丽贝卡·圣詹姆斯 (Rebecca St. James) 和她的父亲在一起，被描述为一半是特蕾莎修女，一半是比利·格雷厄姆。
"Can you picture this?" she asks at her concerts.
“你能想象这个吗？”她在音乐会上问道。
Then she tells a story reminiscent of the one in the book of Daniel, where Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego face the furnace unless they bow before idols.
然后她讲述了一个让人想起《但以理书》中的故事，其中沙得拉、米煞和亚伯尼歌除非在偶像面前下拜，否则将面临火炉。
"Our generation has its faces in the dirt, bowing down to the idols of materialism and selfishness.
“我们这一代人把脸埋在泥土里，屈服于物质主义和自私的偶像。
But you and I are like this." She clenches her eyes, throws her head back, and reaches heavenward with outstretched arms and open palms.
但我和你就是这样。”她闭紧眼睛，仰起头，伸出双臂，张开手掌，向天空伸去。
"We will not bow."
“我们不会低头。”
That night after dinner, I look forward to hearing the keynote speaker, best known for a book written early in his career which is claimed to have influenced my generation of Christians, measured, naturally, in numbers of books sold.
那天晚上晚饭后，我期待着听到主讲人的演讲，他因在职业生涯早期写的一本书而闻名，据称这本书对我这一代基督徒产生了影响，当然是以书籍销量来衡量的。
A mixed-race Florida gospel choir warms up the audience.
佛罗里达混血福音合唱团让观众热情高涨。
We sing a few familiar choruses with them.
我们和他们一起唱一些熟悉的副歌。
All the women wear their hair big and high, as if they'd all plugged into the same electric socket.
所有的女人都留着又大又高的头发，就好像她们都插在同一个电源插座上一样。
The speaker presents his version of The Sky Is Falling.
演讲者展示了他的《天塌下来》版本。
"We're facing the most rapid cultural change in history," he says.
“我们正面临着历史上最迅速的文化变革，”他说。
"Faster change than the change of the Enlightenment, the age of Darwin, the Renaissance, the Industrial Revolution, faster than the Space Age, the Television Age.
“比启蒙运动、达尔文时代、文艺复兴、工业革命的变化更快，比太空时代、电视时代更快。
Oh no, how will I keep up?" I hear him wondering.
哦不，我要怎样才能跟上呢？”我听到他想知道。
"How will my importance be determined?"
“我的重要性如何确定？”
This is the man with the short, well-meaning slogan, "Just Wait," a motto that's done as much for sexual abstinence, I'm guessing, among teens, as "Just Say No" has done for drug prevention.
这个人的口号简短而善意，“等等”，我猜，这句座右铭对于青少年的性禁欲的作用，就像“说不”对于毒品预防的作用一样。
I mean this in conscious disrespect to a man who rails against the world in such hyperbolic terms, I feel embarrassed for him.
我的意思是有意识地不尊重一个用如此夸张的术语抱怨世界的人，我为他感到尴尬。
He's wound up, soft in the middle.
他被卷起来了，中间很软。
Where's his faith?
他的信仰在哪里？
"We'd better wake up, or we'll be obsolete in three to five years," he's shouting and waving his arms now.
“我们最好醒过来，否则三五年后我们就会被淘汰，”他现在一边喊一边挥舞着手臂。
"This is an anti-Judeo-Christian culture.
“这是一种反犹太基督教文化。
Solve this riddle," he challenges his audience.
解决这个谜题，”他向观众挑战。
"Why does a crucifix degraded in urine receive a major grant from the NEA, but a rainbow triangle in urine will not be funded nor allowed to be shown?" I've had enough, this riddle reminds me.
“为什么在尿液中降解的十字架会获得国家环境局的重大资助，但在尿液中的彩虹三角形却不会得到资助，也不会被允许展示？”我受够了，这个谜语提醒了我。
I stand up and go to the ladies' room.
我站起来，走向女洗手间。
At breakfast the next morning, I'm grumpy and ready to fly home.
第二天早餐时，我脾气暴躁，准备飞回家。
And then, over scrambled eggs and coffee, I find the reason I came.
然后，一边吃着炒鸡蛋和咖啡，我才找到了我来这里的原因。
Baroness Caroline Cox, from the British House of Lords, is speaking, a woman whose relief work I've watched with great admiration for the last two years, as I've edited a book on 20th-century martyrs.
来自英国上议院的卡罗琳·考克斯男爵夫人正在发言，在过去两年里，当我编辑一本关于 20 世纪烈士的书时，我非常钦佩地看着她的救援工作。
"There are some?" I'm often asked.
“有一些吗？”我经常被问到。
She tells us stories of Burma, and the Sudan, Pakistan, places where international relief agencies have been forbidden to go by the sovereign governments.
她向我们讲述了缅甸、苏丹、巴基斯坦的故事，这些国家的主权政府禁止国际救援机构前往这些国家。
And yet, with a small team of workers, she goes.
然而，她还是带着一小队工人去了。
"I am grateful for this opportunity to honor those Christians whom it has been our privilege to be with in persecution, brothers and sisters in Christ who, while we sit here in peace and comfort, are suffering from attempted genocide, jihad, ethnic cleansing, slavery, and threats of death for allegation of so-called blasphemy in fundamentalist Islamic regimes like Pakistan.
“我很感激有这个机会向那些我们有幸与他们一起遭受迫害的基督徒致敬，他们是基督里的兄弟姐妹，当我们平静舒适地坐在这里时，他们却因在巴基斯坦等原教旨主义伊斯兰政权中被指控所谓的亵渎罪而遭受未遂的种族灭绝、圣战、种族清洗、奴役和死亡威胁。
But however much they suffer, they always inspire us with their courage, generosity, graciousness, faith, and dignity in their witness for our Lord."
但无论他们遭受多少苦难，他们总是以勇气、慷慨、仁慈、信仰和尊严激励我们为我们的主作见证。”
Baroness Cox illegally flies in a load of cocaine, morphine, Omnopon, and Fentanyl for the amputees in Nagorno-Karabakh, where the Armenian people are blockaded and regularly bombed by their Azerbaijani tormentors.
考克斯男爵夫人非法为纳戈尔诺-卡拉巴赫的截肢者运送可卡因、吗啡、奥姆诺平和芬太尼，那里的亚美尼亚人民遭到封锁，并经常受到阿塞拜疆的迫害者的轰炸。
"God sometimes asks us to do strange things," she laughs, flipping to the next slide from a place in the world I've never heard of.
“上帝有时会要求我们做奇怪的事情，”她笑着说，从世界上一个我从未听说过的地方翻到下一张幻灯片。
"When I step off the plane, I am often greeted by starving, naked, wounded people in need of every human solace.
“当我走下飞机时，迎接我的经常是饥饿、赤身裸体、受伤的人们，他们需要人类的一切安慰。
I kneel with them," she says.
我和他们一起下跪，”她说。
"On my last trip to Sudan, I saw a woman starving and gave her a sip of water from my thermos, as we stepped from the helicopter.
“我上次去苏丹时，看到一名妇女正在挨饿，当我们走下直升机时，我从保温瓶里给她喝了一口水。
A palliative.
治标不治本。
The next day, as I walked through the village, I found her dead."
第二天，当我穿过村庄时，我发现她死了。”
And then this story of a farmer from northern Karabakh.
然后是一个来自卡拉巴赫北部农民的故事。
"At the beginning of ethnic cleansing, Azerbaijan undertook a series of deportations of entire villages.
“在种族清洗之初，阿塞拜疆对整个村庄进行了一系列驱逐。
They were brutal operations in which innocent villagers were rounded up.
这是残酷的行动，无辜的村民被围捕。
Many were maltreated, some murdered.
许多人受到虐待，有些人被谋杀。
Homes were ransacked.
房屋被洗劫一空。
Then the people were forcibly driven off their land, unable to take anything with them.
然后，人们被强行赶出他们的土地，什么也带不走。
"After one of these terrible events, at Getashen, a farmer managed to escape into the mountains.
“在格塔申发生了一次可怕的事件之后，一名农民设法逃进了山里。
Devastated by what he had just witnessed, he saw an apricot tree in blossom and went to it for comfort, as it was so beautiful.
他对刚刚目睹的一切感到震惊，他看到一棵杏树正在开花，他走到树前寻求安慰，因为它是如此美丽。
Then, to his horror, he saw hanging from a branch, the body of a five-year-old Armenian girl, cut in two.
然后，令他惊恐的是，他看到一个五岁亚美尼亚女孩的尸体挂在一根树枝上，尸体被切成两半。
He wept and vowed revenge."
他哭着发誓要报仇。”
She apologizes to the room for the graphic scene she presents this morning.
她为今天早上呈现的生动场景向大家道歉。
"It is how it is," she continues.
“事情就是这样，”她继续说道。
"When we met him two years later, he wept again, telling us that he felt very bad, as he had broken his vow.
“两年后我们见到他时，他再次哭泣，告诉我们他感觉非常难过，因为他违背了自己的誓言。
For when the Armenians captured an Azeri village, he could not bring himself to harm a child.
因为当亚美尼亚人占领了一个阿塞拜疆村庄时，他无法忍受伤害一个孩子。
An American colleague stood up, removed his baseball cap, and said, 'Thank you.
一位美国同事站起来，摘下棒球帽，说：“谢谢。”
For the first time in my life, I understand what it means when it says in the Bible, "Vengeance is mine," saith the Lord.
我一生中第一次明白了圣经中所说的“主说：‘伸冤在我’”的意思。
And thank you for the dignity you have shown.' To which this farmer replied, in words I will never forget, 'Dignity is a crown of thorns.'"
感谢你所表现出的尊严。”这位农民用我永远不会忘记的话回答道：“尊严是荆棘王冠。”
It's here in this stale, no-frills room among the older Christians and the young that I meet those too busy doing the work of justice and kindness to point the finger at other people for not being Christian enough.
正是在这个陈旧、朴素的房间里，周围都是年长的基督徒和年轻人，我遇到了那些忙于正义和仁慈的工作而无暇指责其他人不够基督徒的人。
"We are a splendidly ecumenical mix of Pentecostal, Russian orthodox, and myself," the Baroness laughs musically, "which I shall call Anglican unorthodox." Suddenly, the room is large enough for us all.
“我们是五旬节派、俄罗斯东正教和我自己的完美合一的混合体，”男爵夫人音乐般地笑道，“我将称其为英国圣公会非正统派。”突然间，房间足够大了，足以容纳我们所有人。
Everyone is needed on the list.
名单上的每个人都需要。
Our differences in age and gender and culture fall away, as we are given to see a destitution so vast, it will take us all to help begin to relieve it.
我们在年龄、性别和文化上的差异消失了，因为我们看到了如此巨大的贫困，我们所有人都需要帮助开始缓解它。
The Baroness closes her talk with some lines written by Father John Harriet which she uses as a benediction.
男爵夫人用约翰·哈里特神父写的几行诗来结束她的演讲，她用这些诗句作为祝福。
"Let us mourn 'til others are comforted, weep 'til others laugh.
“让我们哀悼，直到别人得到安慰；哭泣，直到别人笑。
Let us be sleepless 'til all can sleep untroubled.
让我们不眠不休，直到所有人都能安然入睡。
Let us be frugal 'til all are filled.
让我们节俭吧，直到都吃饱为止。
Let us give 'til all have received.
让我们给予，直到所有人都收到为止。
Let us make no claim 'til all have had their due.
在所有人都得到应得的报酬之前，让我们不要提出任何要求。
Let us be slaves 'til all are free.
让我们成为奴隶，直到所有人都获得自由。
Let us lay down our lives 'til all have life abundantly."
让我们献出自己的生命，直到所有人都拥有丰盛的生命。”
Susan Bergman is the editor of Martyrs, an anthology of essays on 20th-century martyrs, and author of the forthcoming novel The Buried Life.
苏珊·伯格曼 (Susan Bergman) 是《烈士》(Martyrs) 的编辑，这是一本关于 20 世纪烈士的文章选集，也是即将出版的小说《被埋葬的生活》(The Buried Life) 的作者。
Well, our program was produced today by Julie Snyder and myself with Elise Spiegel and Nancy Updike.
嗯，我们今天的节目是由朱莉·斯奈德和我本人以及埃莉斯·斯皮格尔和南希·厄普代克制作的。
Senior editor Paul Tough.
高级编辑保罗·托夫。
Contributing editors Jack Hitt, Margy Rochlin, and Consigliere Sarah Vowell.
特约编辑 Jack Hitt、Margy Rochlin 和 Consigliere Sarah Vowell。
Production help from Alex Blumberg and Rachel Howard.
Alex Blumberg 和 Rachel Howard 为制作提供帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] To buy a cassette of this or any of our programs, call us here at WBEZ in Chicago, 312-832-3380, 312-832-3380.
[鸣谢] 要购买本节目或我们任何节目的磁带，请致电芝加哥 WBEZ，电话：312-832-3380、312-832-3380。
Our email address, [email protected] .
我们的电子邮件地址，[电子邮件受保护]。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who can only explain our presence on his radio station this way.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督，他只能用这种方式解释我们在他的广播电台上的存在。
It was ludicrous and paranoid to think about foul play, but it did cross my mind.
想到犯规行为是可笑和偏执的，但它确实闪过我的脑海。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。