821: Embrace the Suck - This American Life
You are using an outdated browser.
您正在使用过时的浏览器。
Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience.
请升级您的浏览器或激活 Google Chrome 浏览器内嵌框架以改善您的体验。
Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #821 | January 19, 2024 821: Embrace the Suck Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 821 集 | 2024 年 1 月 19 日 821：拥抱糟糕注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而生，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass Kendra and her husband and their two kids moved back to Boston, and it wasn't going great for her.
序言：序言 艾拉·格拉斯·肯德拉 (Ira Glass Kendra) 和她的丈夫以及两个孩子搬回波士顿，这对她来说并不顺利。
She's a teacher but hadn't found a teaching job yet, so she did odd jobs-- a little thing at the John F.
她是一名教师，但还没有找到教学工作，所以她打零工——在约翰·F·肯尼迪大学做点小事。
Kennedy Presidential Library.
肯尼迪总统图书馆。
She worked as an usher for the Boston Symphony Orchestra, which-- can I say-- these are like the kind of Boston-specific jobs you would give a character who moved to Boston in a bad movie.
她曾担任波士顿交响乐团的引座员，我可以说，这就像你会给一部烂电影中搬到波士顿的角色提供的那种波士顿特有的工作。
Like, the only thing I wasn't doing is, like, selling foam "fingahs" at Fenway "Pahk."
就像，我唯一没有做的事情就是在芬威“Pahk”卖泡沫“fingahs”。
[LAUGHS] Kendra And I made, like, very little money.
[笑]肯德拉，我赚的钱很少。
She was actually pretty depressed, just dragging herself through the motions of living, not looking forward to anything.
她其实很郁闷，只是过着平淡的生活，对什么都没有期待。
And it wouldn't go away.
它不会消失。
She couldn't shake it.
她无法动摇它。
I would wake up in the morning and feel sort of irritated, like, oh, this again?
我早上醒来时会感到有点恼火，就像，哦，又这样了？
I went to work, and I would have put a smile on my face, but I oftentimes would not hear anything anyone said to me.
我去上班，脸上挂着微笑，但我常常听不到任何人对我说的话。
So she's four months into this new downer of a life, and she gets off work.
就这样，她进入了新的令人沮丧的生活四个月了，她下班了。
And it's April, one of the first bright, sunny days after a long, dark winter.
现在是四月，是漫长、黑暗的冬天之后第一个阳光明媚的日子。
And she's excited to take her dog Schuyler to Wollaston Beach near her house on this pretty day.
她很高兴在这个美好的日子带着她的狗斯凯勒去她家附近的沃拉斯顿海滩。
Wollaston's good for a dog, she says, because she's big and kind of a maniac.
她说，沃拉斯顿很适合养狗，因为她个头很大，而且有点疯狂。
And so this beach is perfect because, really, no one was out.
所以这个海滩很完美，因为实际上没有人出去。
We started walking.
我们开始步行。
I let her off leash, because she really wanted to splash around.
我松开了她的皮带，因为她真的很想到处玩耍。
And she was just frolicking.
而她只是在嬉戏。
And I saw her moving closer to the water, and I realized my feet were starting to sink.
我看到她离水越来越近，我意识到我的脚开始下沉。
Sure.
当然。
So my one foot started to really sink, and then I was attempting to pull that foot out, and then my other foot started to sink.
所以我的一只脚开始真正下沉，然后我试图把那只脚拉出来，然后我的另一只脚开始下沉。
And I realized I was not hitting a hard bottom.
我意识到我并没有陷入困境。
So there was no one to call or cry.
所以没有人打电话或哭泣。
And it was really happening fast.
这确实发生得很快。
I was really sinking quite fast.
我确实下沉得很快。
And I should note, Ira, like, I'm not a tall woman.
我应该指出，艾拉，我不是一个高个子女人。
I'm a 4 foot 10" woman.
我是一名 4 英尺 10 英寸的女性。
So for me to start sinking, like-- (LAUGHING) I was, like, practically up to my thighs in this muddy, sandy, watery mixture very quickly.
所以对我来说，开始下沉，就像——（笑）我，就像，在这种泥泞、沙质、水状的混合物中，很快就深到了我的大腿。
I would say maybe the whole, like, gravitational pull down into the sand was 30 seconds.
我想说也许整个重力作用落入沙子里的时间是 30 秒。
It could have been three minutes, for all I know, because time just slowed down.
据我所知，可能是三分钟，因为时间变慢了。
As she struggled to yank her feet up, she realized the mud and sand and water formed a kind of seal around her boot, holding it down, making it too heavy to lift.
当她努力把脚拉起来时，她意识到泥土、沙子和水在她的靴子周围形成了一种密封，将其压住，使其太重而无法抬起。
And so scary, right?
而且很可怕，对吧？
She thought to herself, am I about to break a bone, pulling my leg out?
她心想，我把腿拔出来是不是要骨折了？
Am I trapped?
我被困了吗？
Am I just going to keep sinking?
难道我还要继续沉下去吗？
I had no idea what to be afraid of.
我不知道该害怕什么。
I just know that I was very afraid.
我只知道我很害怕。
Did you think that you could sink all the way under and just go all the way down?
你以为你可以一直沉下去，一直沉下去吗？
Oh, yes.
哦，是的。
That's 100% where I thought I was headed.
这就是我 100% 认为我要去的地方。
Quicksand, she thought.
流沙，她想。
I'm in quicksand-- in Massachusetts.
我在马萨诸塞州的流沙中。
And I thought this was interesting.
我觉得这很有趣。
Apparently, when you find yourself sinking in quicksand, not on a tropical island or a jungle, not when you're poking around some ancient ruins, raiding the lost tombs of dead pharaohs in an old movie, but when it happens just like a 10-minute drive from your own house on a beach in Quincy, Massachusetts, nine minutes from one Dunkin' Donuts and eight minutes from another, the thought that inevitably goes through your head in that situation is, seriously?
显然，当你发现自己陷入流沙中时，不是在热带岛屿或丛林中，也不是在古老的废墟中闲逛时，也不是在老电影中突袭死去法老的失落坟墓时，而是当这种情况发生时，就像距离马萨诸塞州昆西海滩上自己的家有 10 分钟车程，距离一家 Dunkin' Donuts 餐厅有 9 分钟车程，距离另一个唐恩都乐 (Dunkin' Donuts) 餐厅有 8 分钟车程，在这种情况下，你的脑海中不可避免地会浮现这样的想法，真的吗？
I said, this is bullshit.
我说，这是胡说八道。
This is New England.
这是新英格兰。
Like, you're telling me that-- like, quicksand?
就像，你是在告诉我——比如，流沙？
Like, that's something out of Princess Bride.
就像，这是《公主新娘》中的东西。
What is it doing at Wollaston Beach?
沃拉斯顿海滩在做什么？
And why aren't there signs to warn me about this?
为什么没有迹象警告我这一点？
Yeah.
是的。
There's a bit that John Mulaney does-- the comedian John Mulaney-- that when I saw it, I felt like he was saying out loud something that I have always felt.
约翰·木兰尼（喜剧演员约翰·木兰尼）有一点，当我看到它时，我觉得他正在大声说出我一直有的感觉。
He said that, based on what he saw on TV as a kid, he thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger part of his adulthood than it actually turned out to be.
他说，根据他小时候在电视上看到的内容，他认为流沙将在他成年后占据更大的比例，但事实并非如此。
Because if you watch cartoons, quicksand is the third-biggest thing you have to worry about in adult life, behind real sticks of dynamite and giant anvils falling on you from the sky.
因为如果你看动画片，流沙是你在成年生活中必须担心的第三大事情，仅次于真正的炸药棒和从天而降的巨大铁砧。
Now I've gotten older, not only have I never stepped in quicksand, I've never even heard about it.
现在我年纪大了，不但没有踏过流沙，甚至连流沙的事都没有听说过。
You knew that bit?
你知道这一点吗？
Kendra Oh, John Mulaney is-- he's on heavy rotation with my kids and me.
肯德拉哦，约翰·木兰尼——他和我的孩子们和我一起轮换。
And I remember thinking, eat your heart out, John Mulaney.
我记得当时我在想，约翰·穆拉尼，要全力以赴。
If you could see me now.
如果你现在能看到我就好了。
OK, so here she was, first up to our ankles, then her knees, now up to her thighs, and still sinking.
好吧，她就在这里，首先到了我们的脚踝，然后是她的膝盖，现在到了她的大腿，但仍在下沉。
Her cell phone was in the car.
她的手机在车里。
The beach was deserted, except for her dog, who was romping around happily like a goddamn idiot.
海滩上空无一人，只剩下她的狗，它像个白痴一样快乐地蹦蹦跳跳。
No one to save her or help out.
没有人来拯救她或提供帮助。
And then this thing happened.
然后这件事就发生了。
Kendra says she's somebody who usually has a hard time expressing it when she's angry.
肯德拉说，她生气时通常很难表达出来。
She's somebody who cries rather than yells.
她是一个爱哭而不爱喊的人。
But now, this wave of pure rage shot through her-- rage and outrage just erupting.
但现在，这股纯粹的愤怒席卷了她——愤怒和愤怒刚刚爆发。
I was so pissed.
我很生气。
Like, you know what?
就像，你知道吗？
Like, I can't freaking believe this is how my day is going to go.
就像，我不敢相信这就是我的一天。
Like, kick me while I'm down.
比如，趁我沮丧的时候踢我。
Like, I was like, oh, hell, no, you are not going to ruin my day, sand.
就像，我当时想，哦，见鬼，不，你不会毁了我的一天，沙子。
Like, I have fought for this lovely spring day.
就像，我为这个可爱的春天而奋斗。
I am not going down.
我不会下去。
And with that burst of Hulk-like fury, she moves into action.
伴随着浩克般的愤怒，她开始行动。
She's like, quicksand?
她就像，流沙？
No problem.
没问题。
I will embrace the ridiculous awfulness of the situation, and I will make something happen right now.
我会接受这种荒谬而可怕的情况，我会立即让事情发生。
And she starts squirming around this way and that.
她开始左右蠕动。
I started to lean backwards.
我开始向后倾斜。
And at that point, when I leaned back, I was still sinking, but I was hoping that I could sort of just wiggle out of my boots and that my boots would be the sort of sacrificial lamb that I would just leave in the sand.
那时，当我向后靠时，我仍然在下沉，但我希望我能摆脱靴子，我的靴子会成为我留在沙子里的牺牲品。
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Kendra But I realized, if I just leaned back and kind of shimmied like a drunk person getting onto a bar stool, I could lift my legs out of the sand, little by little by little.
肯德拉：但我意识到，如果我只是向后靠，像醉酒的人爬上酒吧高脚凳一样摇晃，我就可以一点一点地将腿从沙子中抬起来。
The only sort of impediment was that my dog was looking at me like, this is a fun game.
唯一的障碍是我的狗看着我，好像这是一个有趣的游戏。
I just don't know how to play it.
我只是不知道怎么玩。
Like, she was just kind of darting around me, watching me move like this.
就像，她只是在我周围飞奔，看着我这样移动。
So then I was getting really, really frustrated with her as well.
所以后来我也对她感到非常非常沮丧。
She wiggled her way out onto solid ground.
她摇摇晃晃地爬到坚实的地面上。
At that point, she says, she's completely covered in sand-- wet sand in her hair, all over her clothes.
她说，那时她完全被沙子覆盖了——她的头发上有湿沙子，衣服上也沾满了湿沙子。
She collects her dog, climbs in her car, drives home, cleans up.
她把狗抱起来，爬上车，开车回家，清理干净。
A week or two passes, and then one morning, she wakes up and realizes she feels OK.
一两周过去了，有一天早上，她醒来发现自己感觉很好。
I remember so clearly, sitting in bed and saying to my husband, oh, my goodness.
我记得很清楚，坐在床上对我丈夫说，哦，天哪。
I think I'm good.
我想我很好。
I was filled with this content feeling that I can only describe as, like, the depression fading.
我充满了这种满足感，我只能将其描述为抑郁症的消退。
Like, I didn't feel any of the heaviness.
好像，我没有感觉到任何沉重。
And I could only trace its disappearance to the quicksand.
而我只能将它的消失追溯到流沙。
Kendra thinks it has something to do with the anger she tapped into when she was stuck in the sand.
肯德拉认为这与她被困在沙子里时产生的愤怒有关。
As somebody who can't always express her anger, she thinks letting herself get so furious for once, it flipped something in her.
作为一个不能总是表达自己愤怒的人，她认为这一次让自己变得如此愤怒，这让她内心有些东西发生了变化。
That's the moment she was able to embrace just how bad things had gotten and fight her way out.
就在那一刻，她能够接受事情已经变得多么糟糕，并努力摆脱困境。
Today on our program, we have other stories of people put in difficult, sometimes impossible situations, and the only way out is to put their arms around the badness and feel it for what it is and then figure out some moves to wrestle the problem to the ground.
今天，在我们的节目中，我们还有其他故事，讲述人们陷入困境，有时甚至是不可能的情况，唯一的出路就是拥抱坏事，感受它的本质，然后想出一些措施来解决问题。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Haley Mary Pass.
第一幕，海莉·玛丽·帕斯。
It is the most magical week in American politics right now.
这是目前美国政坛最神奇的一周。
Yes, it is.
是的，确实如此。
I'm speaking to you right now during the eight days between the Iowa caucus and the New Hampshire primary.
我现在正在爱荷华州党团会议和新罕布什尔州初选之间的八天内对你们讲话。
The way it works-- the results in Iowa will reset the political scores and possibilities, redeal all the cards.
它的运作方式——爱荷华州的结果将重置政治比分和可能性，重新发牌。
And so this week that we are in right now can be an enchanted eight days where underdogs tell themselves that anything is possible, anything can happen, no matter how unlikely it is to, in fact, happen.
因此，我们现在所处的这一周可能是令人着迷的八天，失败者告诉自己一切皆有可能，一切都可能发生，无论实际上发生的可能性有多大。
And to witness this in person, one of our producers, Zoe Chace, went to New Hampshire this week to hang out with two people, two old friends who've chosen to embrace hope in the face of long and difficult odds.
为了亲眼目睹这一点，我们的制片人之一佐伊·切斯本周前往新罕布什尔州，与两个人一起出去玩，这两个老朋友在面对漫长而困难的困难时选择拥抱希望。
They know very well that Donald Trump will probably be the Republican nominee for president.
他们非常清楚唐纳德·特朗普可能会成为共和党总统候选人。
And they are not happy about it.
他们对此并不满意。
These guys are Democrats.
这些人是民主党人。
But they are embracing the likelihood of Donald Trump's rise with a giant bear hug, and they are trying to do something about it.
但他们正在拥抱唐纳德·特朗普崛起的可能性，并试图为此采取行动。
And they are making a last stand to try to stop him this very week.
本周他们正在做最后的努力试图阻止他。
And basically, what they're trying to do is they're trying to convince New Hampshire voters to get real about their options in this historic moment and vote not for who they actually want to be president, but vote for the only person these guys believe can stop Donald Trump from becoming the Republican nominee.
基本上，他们试图做的是说服新罕布什尔州选民在这个历史性时刻认清自己的选择，而不是投票给他们真正想成为总统的人，而是投票给这些人认为唯一可以阻止唐纳德·特朗普成为共和党候选人的人。
And that person is Nikki Haley.
那个人就是妮基·哈利。
That's right.
没错。
These two Democrats are stumping day and night to elect a woman who stands for so many things they personally hate.
这两位民主党人夜以继日地努力选举一位代表许多他们个人讨厌的事情的女性。
Zoe caught up with them one day before this enchanted week began-- that is a day before the Iowa caucus.
在这令人着迷的一周开始前一天，佐伊采访了他们——也就是爱荷华州党团会议的前一天。
These guys aren't even from New Hampshire.
这些人甚至不是来自新罕布什尔州。
They're policy wonks from out of state, outside agitators.
他们是来自州外的政策专家，是外部煽动者。
One's from DC, and the other's from New York.
一个来自华盛顿，另一个来自纽约。
They both work for do-goodery, international-interest-type places they prefer not to name on the radio.
他们都为行善、国际兴趣类型的机构工作，但他们不愿意在广播中提及名字。
Robert Schwartz has been living in New Hampshire for three months.
罗伯特·施瓦茨已经在新罕布什尔州生活了三个月。
He took a leave from his job, left his family, moved up here with his good friend Kenny-- Ken Scheffler, friends from college.
他辞去了工作，离开了家人，和他的大学好友肯尼·肯·谢夫勒一起搬到了这里。
I met up with them at a brewery in Keene, New Hampshire.
我在新罕布什尔州基恩的一家啤酒厂见到了他们。
And they're here this particular afternoon because a politician is on stage-- someone running in the Democratic primary, which is happening, even though Joe Biden decided to skip New Hampshire this year.
他们今天下午来到这里，是因为一位政客登上了舞台——一位参加民主党初选的人，这种情况正在发生，尽管乔·拜登今年决定跳过新罕布什尔州。
The guy on stage, Congressman Dean Phillips, is making a random run for the presidency.
台上的国会议员迪恩·菲利普斯正在随机竞选总统。
But Robert and Ken are not paying attention to Dean Phillips.
但罗伯特和肯并没有注意迪恩·菲利普斯。
They're here for the 40 or 50 voters in the room.
他们是为房间里的 40 或 50 名选民而来的。
Robert is sort of irrepressible, says all his thoughts as he has them kind of thing, and starts whispering to me as soon as I get there.
罗伯特有点难以抑制，他有什么想法就说出来，我一到那里就开始对我低声说话。
Because a lot of the people here, I think they-- a lot of people haven't really made up their mind yet.
因为这里的很多人，我认为他们——很多人还没有真正下定决心。
And so it's good for us to be here and just talk to them, because it is a lot of people that are undeclared voters.
因此，我们来到这里与他们交谈是件好事，因为很多人都是未申报的选民。
The way it works in New Hampshire, independent voters can vote in either primary-- Democrat or Republican.
按照新罕布什尔州的运作方式，独立选民可以在初选中投票——民主党或共和党。
And there's a ton of people like that, something like 40% of the electorate.
这样的人有很多，大约占选民的 40%。
And this year, with Joe Biden skipping New Hampshire, Robert and Ken's mission is more plausible.
今年，随着乔·拜登跳过新罕布什尔州，罗伯特和肯的使命变得更加合理。
All these people who probably would have voted for Biden are free agents.
所有这些可能会投票给拜登的人都是自由球员。
Robert and Ken are here to pick off some of those people-- Democratic-leaning independent voters who might be willing to vote for Nikki Haley as a way to stop Trump.
罗伯特和肯来这里是为了挑选其中一些人——倾向民主党的独立选民，他们可能愿意投票给尼基·黑利，以此来阻止特朗普。
As soon as the event ends, Robert walks up to a random voter he doesn't know anything about, who's someone all bundled up in a blue parka, to see if he can convince her to cast a vote against everything she just heard on stage and throw in with the Republican primary instead.
活动一结束，罗伯特就随机走到一位他一无所知的选民面前，这位选民全身裹着蓝色派克大衣，看看他能否说服她投票反对她刚刚在台上听到的一切，转而参加共和党初选。
He has a very slow roll-up.
他的上滚速度非常慢。
Just what brings you-- I'm just curious, what brings you to this event?
是什么让你——我只是很好奇，是什么让你来参加这个活动的？
Well, I want to see a change in the presidency.
嗯，我希望看到总统职位发生变化。
I don't like either one of them.
我不喜欢他们中的任何一个。
Because Biden is too old, and I certainly don't want Donald Trump.
因为拜登太老了，我当然不想要唐纳德·特朗普。
You don't.
你不知道。
And are you a registered Democrat or undeclared?
您是注册的民主党人还是未宣布的民主党人？
I'm independent, purposely.
我是独立的，有目的的。
Robert Schwartz OK.
罗伯特·施瓦茨 好的。
Boom.
繁荣。
He's found his target-- independent voter, leans to the left.
他找到了自己的目标——左翼独立选民。
You'd think he'd make his pitch.
你会认为他会提出自己的主张。
But he's learned this kind of voter doesn't like it when you open with a hard sell on Nikki Haley, because they don't like Nikki Haley, and he doesn't like Haley either.
但他了解到，这类选民不喜欢硬性推销妮基·哈利，因为他们不喜欢妮基·哈利，他也不喜欢妮基·哈利。
But he has to sell her on Haley, so it's kind of a weird conversation-- a lot of gymnastics.
但他必须向她推销海莉，所以这是一次奇怪的谈话——很多体操。
So how are you thinking, like-- are you thinking you're definitely going to vote in the Democratic primary?
那么你是怎么想的——你认为你肯定会在民主党初选中投票吗？
Are you thinking about maybe voting against Trump in the Republican?
您是否考虑在共和党中投票反对特朗普？
I'm voting against Trump.
我投票反对特朗普。
Robert Schwartz Right.
罗伯特·施瓦茨 对。
So have you thought-- even though Nikki Haley is a little bit-- like, she's got some rough positions on abortion and climate change and all that stuff, have you thought about voting for-- I'm not a Nikki Haley supporter.
所以你有没有想过——尽管妮基·黑利有点——比如，她在堕胎和气候变化等问题上有一些粗暴的立场，你有没有想过投票给——我不是妮基·黑利的支持者。
I'm a left-of-center person.
我是一个中间偏左的人。
But have you thought about--
但你有没有想过——
Well, she was the next best candidate until I came here to listen to Dean.
嗯，在我来这里听迪恩讲话之前，她是下一个最佳候选人。
Oh, so-- Woman So I'm thinking more positively with Dean.
哦，所以—— 女人 所以我对Dean 的想法更加积极。
Oh, yeah.
哦，是的。
So I really like what Dean has to say.
所以我真的很喜欢迪恩所说的话。
And I respect Dean.
我尊重迪恩。
And if you don't like Biden, I get that that gives you an option.
如果你不喜欢拜登，我知道这给了你一个选择。
But what I think is--
但我认为是——
I just feel he's just too old right now.
我只是觉得他现在太老了。
Right.
对。
But my thinking is, if you're concerned about the threat that Trump brings to our democracy, even though I like Dean more than I like Nikki Haley, like, I think she's a better vote, because he's asking you to damage Biden.
但我的想法是，如果你担心特朗普给我们的民主带来的威胁，即使我喜欢迪恩胜过喜欢尼基·黑利，就像，我认为她是更好的选票，因为他要求你损害拜登。
And with a vote for Haley, you're damaging Trump.
如果投票给黑莉，你就会损害特朗普。
And so why vote-- if you're an undeclared voter and you hate Trump and think he's the biggest threat to the country, we need to get-- we need to embarrass Trump here.
那么为什么要投票呢——如果你是一名未申报的选民，你讨厌特朗普，并认为他是对国家的最大威胁，我们需要——我们需要在这里让特朗普难堪。
We need to show Trump losing, and--
我们需要证明特朗普输了，而且——
That's a very long hunter circling around some prey to kill.
那是一个很长的猎人，围着一些猎物盘旋以杀死它们。
And you're not sure if he took a shot or not, but he thinks this is the best way to talk about Nikki Haley.
你不确定他是否开枪，但他认为这是谈论妮基·哈利的最佳方式。
He has this cautious approach, partially because of this thing people keep saying around here all the time.
他采取这种谨慎的态度，部分原因是人们一直在谈论这件事。
New Hampshire voters have to make up their own minds.
新罕布什尔州选民必须做出自己的决定。
Don't pressure me.
别给我压力。
So it can be hard to tell how he's actually doing with this crowd, even though this woman says the most important thing to her is to stop Trump.
因此，很难说他实际上是如何对待这群人的，尽管这位女士说对她来说最重要的是阻止特朗普。
But you still don't know what the right path is.
但你仍然不知道什么是正确的道路。
That's right.
没错。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Robert Schwartz My pitch would be, if you wanted--
罗伯特·施瓦茨 我的建议是，如果你愿意的话——
Our whole country feels that way.
我们整个国家都有这种感觉。
We just don't know.
我们只是不知道。
My pitch-- I mean, I come from Maryland.
我的推销——我的意思是，我来自马里兰州。
And it's your decision, not mine.
这是你的决定，不是我的。
But my pitch would be, if you want to stop Trump, you got to vote against the guy, even if it's for somebody you don't like.
但我的观点是，如果你想阻止特朗普，你就必须投票反对这个人，即使是投给你不喜欢的人。
I know.
我知道。
Zoe Chace And with that, the voter has to go.
佐伊·查斯 (Zoe Chace) 就这样，选民必须离开。
We move on.
我们继续前进。
This strategy-- getting people to hate-vote for Nikki Haley-- there's a word some people use for this kind of thing, a technical term in politics for sneaking around and doing dirty tricks inside the other party's election.
这种策略——让人们讨厌投票给尼基·哈利——有人用一个词来形容这种事情，这是一个政治术语，指在对方的选举中偷偷摸摸、搞肮脏的把戏。
Here's Ken.
这是肯。
Someone tweeted that this is the most organized ratfucking operation of all time.
有人在推特上说，这是有史以来最有组织的老鼠屎行动。
Are you familiar with that term?
你熟悉这个词吗？
Yes, I am.
是的，我是。
About you guys?
关于你们？
Ken Scheffler Yeah, yeah.
肯·舍夫勒 是的，是的。
But we don't see ourselves as ratfuckers.
但我们并不认为自己是混蛋。
Well, did you feel-- was it a compliment?
嗯，你有没有觉得——这是一种恭维？
I believe it was a compliment, yeah.
我相信这是一种赞美，是的。
Yeah.
是的。
I think it is.
我认为是的。
This whole quest of Robert and Ken's began one night last summer.
罗伯特和肯的整个探索始于去年夏天的一个晚上。
They met up in DC and got onto the subject of how they think Trump is an existential threat to democracy, and can we get off the road to autocracy.
他们在华盛顿会面，讨论了他们认为特朗普是对民主的生存威胁，以及我们能否摆脱独裁之路的话题。
And Ken was like, you know, you have done stuff in the past to help other countries in this situation.
肯说，你知道，你过去曾做过一些事情来帮助处于这种情况的其他国家。
Maybe we should actually do something.
也许我们确实应该做点什么。
Ken, I think, given his consulting background, was like, let's do a brainstorm, and this is how you do a brainstorm.
我认为，考虑到肯的咨询背景，他说，让我们进行一次头脑风暴，这就是进行头脑风暴的方式。
Yeah, well, can I tell her about your other idea that weekend?
是的，好吧，我可以告诉她那个周末你的另一个想法吗？
Ken has some really good ideas and some not so really good ideas.
肯有一些非常好的想法，也有一些不太好的想法。
And so the other idea he tried to pitch me on that weekend was that the National Football League is too dangerous, and so we need to have--
所以那个周末他试图向我推销的另一个想法是国家橄榄球联盟太危险了，所以我们需要——
It's fine.
没关系。
So let's create a seven-on-seven football league that is more safe, and--
因此，让我们创建一个更安全的七对七足球联赛，并且——
Robert told him that was ridiculous.
罗伯特告诉他这很荒谬。
And here's the sort of person Ken is.
肯就是这样的人。
And then he pulls out a PowerPoint showing his, like, idea for a seven-on-seven football league.
然后他拿出一个 PowerPoint，展示了他关于七对七足球联赛的想法。
And I was like, this is giving me serious doubts that we should proceed along this front.
我当时想，这让我严重怀疑我们是否应该沿着这条线前进。
But he still actually believes it's a good idea.
但他实际上仍然相信这是一个好主意。
I do.
我愿意。
I do.
我愿意。
Zoe Chace So anyway, after they got this idea for defeating Trump, they went out and raised money.
佐伊·查斯（Zoe Chace）所以无论如何，在他们有了击败特朗普的想法后，他们就出去筹集资金。
And they say they raised $20,000 on their own, and then they got this big chunk of $650,000 from donors who wish to remain anonymous.
他们说自己筹集了 20,000 美元，然后从不愿透露姓名的捐赠者那里得到了 650,000 美元的大笔资金。
And that's real money.
那是真钱。
That could have an impact on a small but mighty election like this one.
这可能会对像这次这样规模虽小但影响重大的选举产生影响。
With that money, they bought targeted voter lists of undeclared left-leaning voters that they regularly message and send mailers out to-- mailers and messages that Ken has gotten focus-grouped and tested with professionals.
用这笔钱，他们购买了未公开的左倾选民的目标选民名单，他们定期向这些名单发送消息和邮件，肯对这些邮件和消息进行了焦点分组并接受了专业人士的测试。
They got a lucky break when Nikki Haley started to poll within 10 points of Donald Trump in New Hampshire.
当尼基·黑利 (Nikki Haley) 在新罕布什尔州的民意调查中开始与唐纳德·特朗普 (Donald Trump) 相差 10 个百分点时，他们迎来了一次幸运的突破。
And so right at this moment, going into the Iowa caucus, their hope is she'd come in second in Iowa, that would give her the momentum to win New Hampshire outright, beat Trump, which would make her credible in South Carolina, and beyond that.
因此，此时此刻，进入爱荷华州党团会议，他们希望她能在爱荷华州获得第二名，这将使她有动力彻底赢得新罕布什尔州，击败特朗普，这将使她在南卡罗来纳州及其他地区获得可信度。
They even hired two people in South Carolina, in case they have a shot there.
他们甚至在南卡罗来纳州雇佣了两个人，以防万一他们有机会去那里。
We always saw this as high risk, high reward.
我们始终认为这是高风险、高回报。
Like, if you looked at the polls, it has always looked like Trump will win the nomination.
就像，如果你看一下民意调查，你会发现特朗普总是会赢得提名。
But if there's a 5% chance of stopping a potential dictator, it's worth putting a lot of effort into that.
但如果有 5% 的机会阻止一个潜在的独裁者，那么就值得付出很多努力。
Yeah, for that 5% chance that Haley shocks Trump here and there's an alternative in the-- like, it's worth it for our democracy.
是的，黑莉有 5% 的机会让特朗普震惊，而且还有另一种选择——比如，为了我们的民主，这是值得的。
Robert is really emotionally invested in this idea-- that maybe they, these two college friends, could actually do something to stop Donald Trump.
罗伯特真的对这个想法投入了感情——也许他们，这两个大学朋友，实际上可以做点什么来阻止唐纳德·特朗普。
He's intense about his work always, gets overly invested, it seems.
他总是对工作充满热情，似乎投入过度。
At his day job, he was waking up having panic attacks about that work on top of this work.
在他的日常工作中，他醒来时除了这项工作之外还对这项工作感到恐慌。
I was like, is this work helping?
我当时想，这项工作有帮助吗？
No, this is not extremely healthy either.
不，这也不是很健康。
I tied myself into my career.
我把自己绑在了我的事业上。
And then rather than seek balance and view myself as a father and a brother and a son-- and instead of that, I have now identified myself as a part of this mission.
然后，我不再寻求平衡，将自己视为父亲、兄弟和儿子，而是将自己视为这一使命的一部分。
And I'm wrapped up in that, and my whole self-worth is going to be determined on January 23, and that's not healthy at all.
我全神贯注于此，我的整个自我价值将在 1 月 23 日确定，这根本不健康。
So I'm really worried, from a mental health and all that perspective of, like, what happens after January 23 or what happens after the election in November.
所以，从心理健康和所有这些角度来看，我真的很担心，比如 1 月 23 日之后会发生什么，或者 11 月大选之后会发生什么。
Like, at some point, there's going to be a reckoning, and I'm really afraid of that, to be honest.
就像，在某个时候，将会有一场清算，说实话，我真的很害怕。
Robert's not alone, of course.
当然，罗伯特并不孤单。
They're not the only anti-Trump group trying to sway undeclared voters.
他们并不是唯一一个试图影响未申报选民的反特朗普团体。
And they're not big players, but they're real players.
他们不是大玩家，但他们是真正的玩家。
Still, they can go from sophisticated to bumbling very quickly, like when we found ourselves screeching around Manchester in a car on a way to an MLK Day celebration, late.
尽管如此，它们很快就会从复杂变得笨手笨脚，就像我们发现自己开着车在曼彻斯特尖叫着去参加马丁·路德·金纪念日庆祝活动时，已经很晚了。
As usual, they were glomming on to someone else's event, hoping to meet people who know more people who might carry their message out to other New Hampshirans.
像往常一样，他们对别人的活动大加赞赏，希望能认识更多认识的人，将他们的信息传播给其他新罕布什尔州人。
They volunteered to bring the coffee and the drinks.
他们自愿带来咖啡和饮料。
Their friend, Moises, was supposed to do it, but he's stuck at UPS printing up flyers with a QR code.
他们的朋友莫伊塞斯本来应该做这件事，但他却被困在 UPS 打印带有二维码的传单。
The event has already started.
活动已经开始。
Robert's freaking out.
罗伯特吓坏了。
So we're right by there.
所以我们就在那里。
So we're going to stop there.
所以我们就到此为止。
You to get to the event and do damage control.
您到达活动现场并进行损害控制。
Please.
请。
They're upset with us.
他们对我们很不满。
I'm trying.
我正在努力。
OK, bye.
好的，再见。
Robert Schwartz Bye.
罗伯特·施瓦茨 再见。
Robert thinks of himself as responsible.
罗伯特认为自己有责任。
And when he's not seen that way, it kills him.
当他不这样看时，他就会丧命。
Because we're going to be five minutes-- 10 minutes late to an MLK event.
因为我们将比 MLK 活动迟到 5 分钟甚至 10 分钟。
It's just embarrassing in some ways.
这只是在某些方面令人尴尬。
How's your shame spiral?
你的耻辱螺旋如何？
Robert Schwartz Shame spiral is not in a good place right now.
罗伯特·施瓦茨（Robert Schwartz）的耻辱螺旋现在处境并不好。
When they get there, Robert jumps out with three boxes of coffee, two huge bags of creamers.
当他们到达那里时，罗伯特带着三盒咖啡和两大袋奶精跳了出来。
He's running around in the cold.
他在寒冷中奔跑。
Can't even find the door.
连门都找不到。
Can you call Moises and ask how to get in the freaking building?
你能打电话给莫伊塞斯并询问如何进入这栋该死的大楼吗？
Why don't they have signs?
为什么他们没有标志？
Thank you.
谢谢。
Come on, Moises.
来吧，莫伊塞斯。
Answer the phone.
接电话。
Did he not pick up?
他没接吗？
I'm just really frustrated.
我真的很沮丧。
Once they're in, it's apologies and taping their QR code flyers onto Dunkin' Donuts boxes.
一旦他们进来，就会道歉并将他们的二维码传单粘贴到唐恩都乐的盒子上。
And Robert works the line of people, tabling for various social justice-y causes, mostly white activists.
罗伯特在人群中工作，为各种社会正义事业提出建议，其中大多数是白人活动家。
New Hampshire is mostly white.
新罕布什尔州大部分是白人。
Ken and Robert are white.
肯和罗伯特是白人。
And I get to witness just how tired people are of this kind of pitch.
我亲眼目睹了人们对这种推销有多么厌倦。
This is the third anybody-but-Trump election.
这是除特朗普之外的第三次选举。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
He talks with Deb Opramolla, who's Black.
他与黑人黛布·奥普拉莫拉交谈。
Trump is not sophisticated enough to hide his white supremacy.
特朗普还不够老练，无法隐藏他的白人至上主义。
Right, and Nikki Haley is more sophisticated at it.
是的，妮基·哈利 (Nikki Haley) 在这方面更加老练。
And she's more-- and the sad thing is, she's a Brown woman--
她更——可悲的是，她是一个棕色女人——
Right.
对。
Deb Opramolla --lifting up white supremacy.
黛布·奥普拉莫拉——高举白人至上主义。
So she's just a more sophisticated Trump.
所以她只是一个更老练的特朗普。
Well, but she also condemned-- she said January 6 was a terrible day, right?
嗯，但她也谴责了——她说1月6日是可怕的一天，对吧？
She doesn't call her military veterans suckers and losers.
她并不称她的退伍军人为傻瓜和失败者。
Like, would she launch a coup against our country?
比如，她会发动针对我们国家的政变吗？
But she would pardon Trump.
但她会赦免特朗普。
Robert Schwartz Well, would you rather-- like, would you rather vote for the criminal or the one who pardons the criminal?
罗伯特·施瓦茨（Robert Schwartz）好吧，你愿意——比如，你愿意投票给罪犯还是赦免罪犯的人？
Well, right.
嗯，对。
I get that.
我明白了。
But then who are-- you only have one vote in the primaries.
但那么谁是——你在初选中只有一票。
And so the question is, like, where can you-- yes, you'd prefer not to vote for either, but then are you just throwing away your vote and letting Trump win?
所以问题是，你可以在哪里——是的，你不想投票给任何一个，但是你会放弃你的选票并让特朗普获胜吗？
I saw this move a few times from Robert, talking about people's vote like it was a commodity, like it was just a piece of currency that you could spend at this store or that store, and you just needed to squeeze the most value out of it that you could.
我多次看到罗伯特的这一举动，谈论人们的投票就像它是一种商品，就像它只是一种你可以在这家商店或那家商店消费的货币，你只需要尽可能地从中榨取最大的价值。
That's a hard sell in New Hampshire.
这在新罕布什尔州很难推销。
And he doesn't always seem so tuned in to how people might be thinking about their vote as theirs-- something between a personal statement and a moral obligation.
而且他似乎并不总是那么关心人们如何看待他们的投票——介于个人声明和道德义务之间。
And here's the problem with what you're saying to me, is throwing away my vote--
这就是你对我说的话的问题，就是放弃我的选票——
Yeah.
是的。
Deb Opramolla --right-- is that Nikki Haley has yet, really, to address any Blacks.
黛布·奥普拉莫拉（Deb Opramolla）——对——尼基·黑利（Nikki Haley）实际上还没有对任何黑人发表讲话。
She has not gone out of her way.
她并没有特意去做。
Yeah, that's true.
是的，确实如此。
Deb Opramolla And when the racism question came up in a very actually simple question to answer, she ran.
黛布·奥普拉莫拉（Deb Opramolla）当种族主义问题出现在一个非常简单的问题中时，她就跑了。
She gave a horrible answer.
她给出了一个可怕的答案。
Deb Opramolla No, she ran.
黛布·奥普拉莫拉 不，她跑了。
My vote is sacred.
我的投票是神圣的。
Am I going to spend it on her?
我要把钱花在她身上吗？
No.
不。
Well, there's one person who will tell you what they're doing-- or what they're not doing.
嗯，有一个人会告诉你他们在做什么——或者他们没有做什么。
The Iowa caucuses were that night, Monday.
爱荷华州预选会议于周一晚上举行。
We watched early returns in a bar.
我们在酒吧里观看了早期回归。
Again, Robert was really rooting for Nikki Haley to come in second after Trump, turn the primaries into a two-person race.
罗伯特再次真正支持尼基·黑利（Nikki Haley）在特朗普之后获得第二名，将初选变成一场两人竞争。
That's not what happened.
事实并非如此。
She came in third, just behind DeSantis and well behind Trump.
她排名第三，仅次于德桑蒂斯，远远落后于特朗普。
It's a huge setback, and Robert's upset.
这是一个巨大的挫折，罗伯特很沮丧。
Things feel like they're starting to slip away, and he spends the rest of the night scrolling and angrily tweeting.
事情似乎开始溜走，他整个晚上都在滚动和愤怒地发推文。
The next day, they have to regroup.
第二天，他们必须重新集结。
The text messages they'd been planning to send to the 80,000 voters they're targeting were built around Nikki Haley doing better in Iowa.
他们计划向目标 80,000 名选民发送的短信是围绕妮基·黑利 (Nikki Haley) 在爱荷华州做得更好而制定的。
Now, they have to reframe things to make Iowa seem less important.
现在，他们必须重新构建事物，让爱荷华州显得不那么重要。
Ken suggests a stock photo of a guy scratching his head with the words, "Does anyone actually know what a caucus is?
肯推荐了一张库存照片，照片上一个人挠着头，说道：“有人真的知道党团会议是什么吗？
New Hampshire picks presidents." Robert points out that he's butchering a famous New Hampshire saying, and they're both so stressed out, here's how that conversation goes down.
新罕布什尔州选出总统。”罗伯特指出，他正在扼杀新罕布什尔州的一句名言，而且他们都压力很大，谈话是这样进行的。
The line that everyone here recognizes, the political line that shows we're plugged into New Hampshire, is that line.
这里每个人都认识的路线，表明我们已融入新罕布什尔州的政治路线，就是这条路线。
"Iowa picks corn.
“爱荷华州摘玉米。
New Hampshire picks presidents." That's the line--
新罕布什尔州选出总统。”就是那条线——
Yeah, but you're changing-- Iowa has a caucus.
是的，但是你正在改变——爱荷华州有一个党团会议。
Who's ever heard of a caucus?
谁听说过党团会议？
It's not a good line.
这不是一条好线。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
I don't like it.
我不喜欢它。
It's relatable.
这是有关联的。
Robert Schwartz It's the famous line.
罗伯特·施瓦茨 这是一句著名的台词。
It's John Sununu's line.
这是约翰·苏努努的台词。
There's a history of it.
它有一个历史。
People recognize it.
人们认识它。
Yeah, so?
是啊，所以？
Ken Scheffler It's not attention grabbing.
Ken Scheffler 这并不引人注目。
Ken, I'm the one that's been in New Hampshire for three months.
肯，我是在新罕布什尔州待了三个月的人。
I understand how the elites are viewing this.
我理解精英们是如何看待这个问题的。
I'm telling you that's the line that people know.
我告诉你，这是人们都知道的路线。
They don't want to say, what's a caucus.
他们不想说，什么是党团会议。
Give me credit for being here for three months and talking to every freaking person that I can.
感谢我在这里呆了三个月并尽我所能与每一个奇怪的人交谈。
That's the line that people-- OK, I'm just saying, the first thing the guy said at the meeting today was that line.
这就是人们的台词——好吧，我只是说，这个人在今天的会议上说的第一句话就是这句话。
OK.
好的。
Zoe Chace Robert wins out.
佐伊·切斯·罗伯特获胜。
They go with the famous line and a photo of a cornfield that Robert insisted is provocative.
它们搭配了著名的台词和一张玉米田的照片，罗伯特坚称这张照片具有挑衅性。
He told Ken--
他告诉肯——
That's why I want to have the cornfields, but you don't want to have that.
这就是为什么我想要玉米地，但你不想拥有它。
Like, it's edgy.
就像，它很前卫。
It's insulting to Iowa.
这是对爱荷华州的侮辱。
I met my last voters in New Hampshire later that day.
那天晚些时候，我在新罕布什尔州见到了最后一位选民。
Robert brought me to meet this couple in a lovely house on a snowy street in Manchester.
罗伯特带我去曼彻斯特雪街上的一栋可爱的房子里见了这对夫妇。
He wanted to run the cornfield text messages by George Bruno, former Democratic Party chair.
他想运行民主党前主席乔治·布鲁诺的玉米田短信。
George had volunteered to be a public champion of Robert's cause, and Robert had managed to convince this august New Hampshiran to publicly change his party registration from Democrat to Undeclared.
乔治自愿成为罗伯特事业的公开捍卫者，而罗伯特成功说服了这位庄严的新罕布什尔州公开将他的政党登记从民主党改为未申报。
Only problem was, George still hadn't decided if he'll actually do the thing Robert was asking-- vote for Nikki Haley.
唯一的问题是，乔治仍然没有决定他是否真的会做罗伯特要求的事情——投票给尼基·哈利。
I haven't decided.
我还没有决定。
Zoe Chace But it could-- even if--
佐伊·切斯 但它可以——即使——
I think I made that clear.
我想我已经说得很清楚了。
I am undeclared and undecided.
我还没有宣布，也没有决定。
I've been working on him for five months.
我已经为他工作了五个月了。
And it will become more clear as we get closer to February 23.
随着 2 月 23 日的临近，这一点将会变得更加清晰。
No, January 23.
不，1 月 23 日。
Don't miss-- George Bruno Excuse me.
不要错过——乔治·布鲁诺 对不起。
January 23.
1 月 23 日。
[LAUGHTER] Zoe Chace I found this to be an ominous tale for Robert's quixotic mission, if George Bruno, this advocate for Robert's cause, couldn't even commit to doing the thing-- crossing parties, voting to save America in the Republican primary.
[笑声] 佐伊·切斯 我发现这对罗伯特的堂吉诃德式使命来说是一个不祥的故事，如果罗伯特事业的倡导者乔治·布鲁诺甚至不能承诺做这件事——跨党派，在共和党初选中投票拯救美国。
But then, Robert turned to George's wife, Rona, who'd been in the kitchen while we'd been talking-- offering tea and reading The New York Times.
但随后，罗伯特转向乔治的妻子罗娜，我们谈话时她一直在厨房里——端茶并阅读《纽约时报》。
She'd changed her party registration to undeclared, too.
她也将自己的政党登记改为未申报。
Robert asked her what she was thinking.
罗伯特问她在想什么。
She said she'd never vote for someone who didn't believe in reproductive rights.
她说她永远不会投票给不相信生育权的人。
Robert said, even though Trump killed off Roe versus Wade?
罗伯特说，即使特朗普消灭了罗伊与韦德？
She said, well, that's a good point, actually.
她说，嗯，实际上这是一个很好的观点。
No, my original intent in crossing over was to assure that Trump would not become president.
不，我穿越的初衷是为了确保特朗普不会成为总统。
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Rona Very near and dear to my values is the ability for women to control their own bodies and their reproductive rights.
罗娜 与我的价值观非常接近和亲近的是女性控制自己身体和生育权利的能力。
So it would be hard for me to cast a vote for somebody who might not respect that.
因此，我很难投票给那些可能不尊重这一点的人。
On the other hand, the most important thing is to assure that he is not the candidate and not president.
另一方面，最重要的是确保他不是候选人，也不是总统。
You're still-- Rona So I might have to compromise.
你仍然—— Rona 所以我可能不得不妥协。
Would you vote for Nikki Haley?
你会投票给妮基·哈利吗？
She's the one that, according to the polls, looks the most likely to beat Trump.
根据民意调查，她是最有可能击败特朗普的人。
Right.
正确的。
Recently, I read some of her stances, and she was really waffling on reproductive rights.
最近，我读到了她的一些立场，她在生育权问题上真是胡言乱语。
So it scared me.
所以这让我害怕。
On the other hand, I did this primarily to defeat Trump.
另一方面，我这样做主要是为了击败特朗普。
So if it meant voting for her, I might do it.
所以如果这意味着投票给她，我可能会这么做。
And I have a little more time to decide.
我还有更多的时间来做决定。
It's just because it's such an uncomfortable thought.
只是因为这是一个令人不舒服的想法。
But I want to defeat Trump.
但我想击败特朗普。
And if it takes voting for Nikki Haley to do that, I think I might do that.
如果需要投票给 Nikki Haley 才能做到这一点，我想我可能会这么做。
You know, I think she might really do it.
你知道，我想她可能真的会这么做。
When I left New Hampshire, it was halfway through America's magical eight-day period between Iowa's caucuses and New Hampshire's primaries.
当我离开新罕布什尔州时，正值爱荷华州预选和新罕布什尔州初选之间美国神奇的八天期间的一半。
Robert seemed to swing from happily cherrypicking polls that told him what he wanted to hear to despair and real fear that they had no chance and Trump couldn't be stopped by anyone.
罗伯特似乎从高兴地挑选民意调查告诉他想听到什么，到绝望和真正的恐惧，即他们没有机会，特朗普无法被任何人阻止。
He told me he woke up crying on Thursday morning.
他告诉我，周四早上他哭着醒来。
This might all be over in a few days, he said-- the Alamo.
他说，这一切可能会在几天内结束——阿拉莫。
Their project was a long shot from the start.
他们的项目从一开始就前景渺茫。
They did their best.
他们尽力了。
And now, since Trump's overwhelming win in Iowa, it'd gotten way long shottier.
而现在，自从特朗普在爱荷华州取得压倒性胜利以来，事情变得更加激烈。
So was it worth it?
那么值得吗？
If Trump wins by 15 or 20 points, I will view everything we've done as a failure.
如果特朗普赢了15个或20个百分点，我会认为我们所做的一切都是失败的。
And I will consider myself a failure.
我会认为自己是一个失败者。
And I know that's not-- like, we're doing everything we can, and it's not.
我知道这不是——就像，我们正在尽我们所能，但事实并非如此。
And I need to be-- like, they tell you you have to be nicer to yourself and speak to you like a friend might speak to you.
我需要——就像，他们告诉你，你必须对自己好一点，像朋友对你说话一样对你说话。
And a friend would say, nice try, good job, way to go, way to fight for it anyway.
朋友会说，不错的尝试，干得好，还有路要走，无论如何都要为之奋斗。
But I will look at-- like, I've made all these sacrifices on this gamble.
但我会看看——就像，我在这场赌博中做出了所有这些牺牲。
And if the gamble turned out to be a wrong gamble and our country's not up to stopping Trump, then I made a huge miscalculation.
如果这场赌博被证明是一场错误的赌博，而我们的国家无力阻止特朗普，那么我就犯了一个巨大的误判。
So that's Roberts anxiety.
这就是罗伯茨的焦虑。
Here's Ken's.
这是肯的。
Do you feel like this is a referendum on yourself, too?
你是否也觉得这也是对自己的一次公投？
No. I just really want Donald Trump to lose.
不，我只是真的希望唐纳德·特朗普输掉。
There are 343,192 undeclared voters in New Hampshire.
新罕布什尔州有 343,192 名未申报选民。
Robert and Ken had just a few more days left to catch some of them, tell them to vote against everything they care about, and hold back, for just a little longer, what appears to be the inevitable course of history.
罗伯特和肯只剩下几天的时间来抓捕他们中的一些人，告诉他们投票反对他们关心的一切，并推迟一段时间，这似乎是不可避免的历史进程。
Zoe Chace is a producer on our show.
佐伊·查斯 (Zoe Chace) 是我们节目的制片人。
Coming up, a baby gets in trouble with the law.
即将到来，一个婴儿触犯了法律。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's show-- "Embrace The Suck." Apparently, that phrase started in the military and then moved into more general use, meaning you should just own how bad it is.
今天的节目——“拥抱吸盘”。显然，这句话最初出现在军队中，然后被广泛使用，这意味着你应该承认它有多么糟糕。
Put your arms around it.
用你的双臂搂住它。
Hold it close to you.
将其靠近您。
That is the only way you're going to get through it.
这是你度过难关的唯一方法。
Today, we have stories of people doing exactly that.
今天，我们有这样的故事。
We have arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经进入了计划的第二幕。
Act Two, The Dream Police.
第二幕，梦想警察。
It's hard getting a baby to go to sleep.
让宝宝入睡是很困难的。
Everybody knows that.
每个人都知道这一点。
And different parents get through it different ways.
不同的父母以不同的方式度过难关。
Not long ago, one of our producers, Ike Sriskandarajah and his wife Emma were struggling with this with their son Leroy.
不久前，我们的制片人之一艾克·斯里斯坎达拉贾 (Ike Sriskandarajah) 和他的妻子艾玛 (Emma) 与他们的儿子勒罗伊 (Leroy) 正在为此苦苦挣扎。
At 1 and 1/2 years old, Leroy could say a few words, and he was actually able to hold an umbrella and crudely pull off a few of Gene Kelly's moves from Singing in the Rain while it played.
在 1 又 1/2 岁的时候，勒罗伊已经能说几句话了，而且他实际上能够在播放《雨中曲》时撑起一把伞，并粗略地表演出吉恩·凯利在《雨中曲》中的一些动作。
I've seen video of this.
我看过这方面的视频。
He wasn't great, but he was amazing for somebody under 2 feet tall wearing a diaper.
他并不伟大，但对于身高不到 2 英尺、穿着尿布的人来说，他已经很了不起了。
Though I have to say, for all that accomplishment, Leroy was still not on a proper sleep schedule-- until his parents embraced the awfulness of the situation they were in and invented something.
尽管我不得不说，尽管取得了这些成就，勒罗伊仍然没有达到适当的睡眠时间表——直到他的父母接受了他们所处的可怕情况并发明了一些东西。
Here's Ike.
这是艾克。
Leroy is the loudest guy I know.
勒罗伊是我认识的声音最大的人。
I'm pretty soft-spoken, so he didn't get that from me.
我说话很温柔，所以他没听懂我的意思。
One thing he did get-- we both really prefer to be awake.
他确实明白了一件事——我们都真的更喜欢保持清醒。
But Leroy takes it a little too far.
但勒罗伊有点太过分了。
When he was about one, I tried to put him down for a nap in his crib.
当他一岁左右的时候，我试图把他放到婴儿床上小睡一会儿。
He had bags under his eyes, his eyelids were heavy, and his head was doing that thing where it falls and snaps back.
他的眼袋很重，眼皮很重，他的头经常会下垂然后突然向后仰。
Then I saw him slap himself in the face to stay awake, like a long-haul trucker, fresh out of 5 Hour Energy.
然后我看到他打自己的脸以保持清醒，就像一个长途卡车司机，刚用完 5 小时能量。
And it's not just that he would fight sleep.
这不仅仅是他会与睡眠作斗争。
When he did go to sleep, sometimes he'd wake up in absolute terror.
当他入睡时，有时他会在绝对的恐惧中醒来。
But he needs to go to sleep.
但他需要去睡觉。
We all must.
我们都必须。
And we tried everything.
我们尝试了一切。
At five months, we tried sleep training.
五个月时，我们尝试了睡眠训练。
It didn't take.
没用。
At one year, his soon-to-be daycare provider suggested the cry-it-out method, which, depending on what type of parent you are, is either the most efficient way to sleep train or the most barbaric.
一年后，他即将成为日托服务提供者的人建议采用哭泣法，根据你是哪种类型的父母，这种方法要么是最有效的睡眠训练方法，要么是最野蛮的方法。
When they cry, it's your job not to comfort them.
当他们哭泣时，你的工作就是不要去安慰他们。
Don't go in, even if it sounds really bad, which it did.
不要进去，即使听起来很糟糕，事实也确实如此。
We were a few weeks into this hellish ritual until one summer day.
我们进行了这个地狱般的仪式几个星期，直到一个夏天的一天。
Leroy was looking sleepy, and it was time to attempt the 1:00 PM nap.
Leroy 看起来很困，是时候尝试下午 1:00 小睡了。
I carried him to his room, drew the curtains, turned down the lullabies, gave him a fresh diaper, lowered him into his crib-- "Love you, Leroy, see you after your nap"-- and closed the door.
我把他抱到自己的房间，拉上窗帘，调低摇篮曲的音量，给他换上新尿布，把他放到婴儿床上——“爱你，勒罗伊，午睡后见”——然后关上了门。
The crying started immediately, and I turned on a timer.
哭声立即开始，我打开了计时器。
For the next 40 minutes, Emma and I were clenched and approaching the upper threshold of our tolerance when she asked, "Can I pick him up?" "Yes, please." She went into his room, and then I heard our doorbell.
在接下来的 40 分钟里，当艾玛问：“我可以去接他吗？”时，我和艾玛都紧紧地握着拳头，接近我们的容忍上限。 “是的，请。”她走进他的房间，然后我听到了门铃。
I went to answer.
我去回答。
And on the other side were two NYPD officers, a man and a woman.
另一边是两名纽约警察局官员，一男一女。
The woman asked, "Is that your baby crying?" "Yes." "We're responding to a child endangerment call."
女人问：“你的孩子在哭吗？” “是的。” “我们正在响应儿童危害呼吁。”
My mind was slowly grasping what was happening.
我的心慢慢地明白发生了什么。
Leroy, the loudest guy I know, had been screaming so much that a neighbor called the cops on us.
勒罗伊（Leroy）是我认识的声音最大的人，他一直在尖叫，以至于邻居报了警来抓我们。
They thought we were abusing Leroy.
他们认为我们在虐待勒罗伊。
"We need to do a child welfare check," they said.
“我们需要进行儿童福利检查，”他们说。
I know these checks can turn into investigations.
我知道这些检查可以变成调查。
If you're poor, it can escalate fast.
如果你很穷，事情就会迅速升级。
And even if you're not, it can be terrifying.
即使你不是，它也可能很可怕。
Does Leroy have a scratch or a bruise right now?
勒罗伊现在有没有擦伤或瘀伤？
Are there piles of laundry lying around?
周围有成堆的待洗衣服吗？
My adrenaline is pumping.
我的肾上腺素在飙升。
And the voice in my head is telling me to say, fuck you, slam the door, and run with Leroy out the back.
我脑子里的声音告诉我说，操你，关上门，然后带着勒罗伊从后面跑出去。
But don't listen to that voice.
但不要听那个声音。
We don't have a back door.
我们没有后门。
I steadied myself.
我稳住了自己。
"You really don't need to do that.
“你真的不需要这样做。
My wife, she's feeding him right now.
我的妻子，她现在正在喂他。
He's busy." The male officer countered.
他很忙。”男军官反驳道。
"Either we go into his room or you bring him to us.
“要么我们进入他的房间，要么你把他带到我们这里。
We won't leave until we complete a visual inspection."
在完成目视检查之前我们不会离开。”
"OK." I went to Leroy's room and told Emma, "The cops are here.
“好的。”我去了勒罗伊的房间并告诉艾玛：“警察来了。
They need to see Leroy." "But I'm breastfeeding." "I told them that." She brought Leroy to the door.
他们需要见勒罗伊。” “但我正在母乳喂养。” “我告诉他们了。”她把勒罗伊带到门口。
The woman officer asked, "Are you making all that noise?" Leroy was calm in Emma's arms.
女警官问道：“你发出这么大的声音吗？”勒罗伊在艾玛的怀里很平静。
Emma said, "Sleep training.
艾玛说：“睡眠训练。
It's hard." The woman officer nodded.
这很难。”女军官点点头。
She gave him a little half baby wave and in a sweet voice said, "OK, you need to go to sleep."
她向他做了一个半婴儿般的挥手，用甜美的声音说道：“好吧，你该去睡觉了。”
Before they went, I asked, "Hey, just out of curiosity, can you tell me which neighbor called you guys?" "No." "Oh, OK.
在他们走之前，我问：“嘿，出于好奇，你能告诉我哪个邻居给你们打电话吗？” “不。” “哦，好吧。
That makes sense." I started to hate all the neighbors who lived within earshot and didn't make eye contact.
这是有道理的。”我开始讨厌所有住在听得见的地方却没有眼神交流的邻居。
Our sleep-training experiment was over.
我们的睡眠训练实验结束了。
We were back to laying on the floor next to his crib and trying to tiptoe out of his room when the coast was clear.
当海岸畅通无阻时，我们又躺在他婴儿床旁边的地板上，试图蹑手蹑脚地走出他的房间。
Often, it was not.
通常情况并非如此。
One night, Leroy passed the point of no return, crying whether I was there or not.
一天晚上，勒罗伊已经一去不复返了，无论我在不在，他都哭了。
And I got scared that the neighbor might call the cops again.
我害怕邻居会再次报警。
Then I heard a police siren going past our apartment, and I thought, I can work with this.
然后我听到警笛声经过我们的公寓，我想，我可以处理这个。
"Did you hear that?" Leroy stopped crying and listened.
“你听到了吗？”勒罗伊停止哭泣并倾听。
"The policeman.
“警察。
He's driving by to check if you're going to sleep, and you're crying so loud, he can hear you."
他开车过来看看你是否要睡觉，而你哭得那么大声，他都能听到。”
Leroy asked, "What will he do?" Now, there are moments in life that feel like they define what kind of parent you are.
勒罗伊问道：“他要做什么？”现在，生活中的某些时刻感觉它们定义了您是什么样的父母。
Would I be the kind of morally bankrupt parent that scares my child to sleep?
我会成为那种道德败坏、把孩子吓得睡不着觉的父母吗？
I looked sweet Leroy in his big, beautiful, brown eyes and told him, "If the cops come back, they will take us away in different cars." He curled up under his blanket and closed his eyes tight.
我用他美丽的棕色大眼睛看着可爱的勒罗伊，并告诉他，“如果警察回来，他们会用不同的车把我们带走。”他蜷缩在毯子下，紧紧闭上眼睛。
I left the room, shut the door behind me, held my breath, and waited.
我离开了房间，关上门，屏住呼吸，等待着。
Silence.
沉默。
Incredible.
极好的。
It worked.
它起作用了。
And?
和？
Oh, god, what have I done?
天哪，我做了什么？
I reported the news to Emma.
我把这个消息告诉了艾玛。
"Oh, no," she said.
“哦，不，”她说。
"He must be so scared."
“他一定很害怕吧。”
"Do you think I should go tell him they aren't coming?" "I don't know." "OK.
“你觉得我应该去告诉他他们不来了吗？” “我不知道。” “好的。
Well, let's never talk about this again." The next night, Leroy asked about the policeman.
好吧，我们永远不要再谈论这个了。”第二天晚上，勒罗伊询问了警察的情况。
"Is he coming back?"
“他回来了吗？”
I said, "Yes." And Leroy went to sleep.
我说：“是的。”然后勒罗伊就睡着了。
"Emma, I did it again." "Please don't tell me that." "Do you want me to stop?" "I don't know."
“艾玛，我又这么做了。” “请不要告诉我这个。” “你要我停下来？” “我不知道。”
I said, "Well, now, you're complicit." This became our new routine.
我说：“好吧，现在你是同谋了。”这成了我们的新习惯。
Warm bath, cold milk.
热水澡，冷牛奶。
Emma would virtuosically perform all the voices in a stack of books.
艾玛会精湛地表演一摞书中的所有声音。
Then I would take Leroy to bed and threaten state violence.
然后我会带勒罗伊上床睡觉并威胁国家暴力。
And we'd all go to sleep.
我们都会去睡觉。
After a while, it stopped working.
过了一会儿，它就停止工作了。
He got wise that the police weren't actually coming to our apartment every night, and he started crying again when I would leave.
他意识到警察实际上并不是每晚都来我们的公寓，当我离开时他又开始哭泣。
Now, I think it was Shakespeare who once wrote-- and I'm paraphrasing here-- when you find yourself halfway in a river of blood, either way you go, you've got to go through half a river of blood.
现在，我认为莎士比亚曾经写道——我在这里解释一下——当你发现自己身处血河的半途时，无论你走哪条路，你都必须穿过半条血河。
So I forged ahead.
于是我砥砺前行。
One night when Leroy was crying, I closed the door behind me, took a deep breath, and banged on his bedroom door.
一天晚上，当勒罗伊哭泣时，我关上身后的门，深吸了一口气，然后敲响了他卧室的门。
[BANGING] "It's the police.
[砰]“是警察。
Go to sleep." Just cancel me now.
去睡觉吧。”现在就取消我吧。
And yeah, it worked.
是的，它起作用了。
We were living in an imaginary police state for what I'm sure child psychologists would agree was too long.
我们生活在一个想象中的警察国家，我相信儿童心理学家会同意这个时间太长了。
Then one night, Leroy asked me a question I didn't see coming.
然后有一天晚上，勒罗伊问了我一个我没有想到的问题。
"Will the policeman take my nightmares away?" Take his nightmares away?
“警察能帮我消除噩梦吗？”把他的噩梦带走吗？
Not him?
不是他吗？
Somehow, in Leroy's cool, weird mind, he figured out that if the policeman was so scary, he could also scare whatever was haunting his dreams.
不知何故，在勒罗伊冷静而奇怪的头脑中，他发现如果警察如此可怕，他也可以吓到那些困扰他梦中的东西。
I was stunned.
我惊呆了。
"Of course," I said.
“当然，”我说。
"He will take your nightmares.
“他会带走你的噩梦。
He'll put them in the back of his squad car and take them to jail." Leroy had taken his fear and morphed it into something that could protect him.
他会把他们放进警车后座，然后送进监狱。”勒罗伊把他的恐惧变成了可以保护他的东西。
I tried to teach Leroy how to sleep and pass along a healthy fear of the police.
我试图教勒罗伊如何睡觉并传递对警察的健康恐惧。
He learned neither.
他什么也没学到。
Leroy's three now.
勒罗伊现在三岁了。
Our bedtime routine is less violent.
我们的就寝时间不那么暴力。
I lay down next to him in his big-kid bed until he's asleep.
我躺在他旁边的大孩子床上，直到他睡着。
The plan is to do this until he turns 18.
计划是这样做到他 18 岁为止。
Take a soapy bath and put on your pajamas when you're done.
洗完澡后，用肥皂洗个澡，然后穿上睡衣。
Pee in the potty, lotion up, and read a book, and go to bed.
在便盆里撒尿，涂上乳液，看书，然后上床睡觉。
That sounds easy.
听起来很容易。
You just go to bed, no problem.
你只要去睡觉，没问题。
We do all that stuff.
我们做所有这些事情。
Ike Sriskandarajah Oh, you forgot one thing.
Ike Sriskandarajah 哦，你忘了一件事。
What?
什么？
Ike Sriskandarajah You got to give a hug and a kiss.
艾克·斯里斯坎达拉贾（Ike Sriskandarajah） 你必须给一个拥抱和一个吻。
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
是啊，是啊，是啊。
Hug.
拥抱。
Hug.
拥抱。
Ike Sriskandarajah OK.
艾克·斯里斯坎达拉贾 好的。
That's a lick.
那是舔。
Ike Sriskandarajah is a producer on our show, currently on parental leave with a new baby who sleeps and wakes at will on his own schedule.
艾克·斯里斯坎达拉贾 (Ike Sriskandarajah) 是我们节目的制片人，目前正在休育儿假，带着一个新生婴儿，他可以按照自己的时间表随意睡觉和起床。
Act Three, Notes On Cycling.
第三幕，骑自行车的注意事项。
So we end today's show with one last story about things coming apart and somebody who just accepts it and, in fact, embraces it.
因此，我们以最后一个故事来结束今天的节目，故事讲述了事情的分崩离析，以及一个人接受了它，事实上，拥抱了它。
This comes from Boen Wang, who made this story as a student for a podcasting class he was taking.
这个故事来自 Boen Wang，他在参加播客课程时创作了这个故事。
He recorded his voice tracks into his iPhone.
他将自己的音轨录制到了 iPhone 中。
I have to say, I really loved Boen's work whenever I have heard it, because I feel like he is inventing a way to make radio stories that just have their own sort of feeling and sound.
我不得不说，每当我听到 Boen 的作品时，我都非常喜欢它，因为我觉得他正在发明一种方法来制作广播故事，让广播故事有自己的感觉和声音。
Anyway, here he is.
无论如何，他来了。
[WINDOW OPENING] In the summer of 2015, I bought a bike from a guy on Craigslist.
[打开窗口] 2015 年夏天，我从 Craigslist 上的一个人那里买了一辆自行车。
The bike was $40, so it was shitty.
这辆自行车花了 40 美元，所以很糟糕。
So it suited me.
所以它适合我。
I met the guy outside his house.
我在他家外面遇见了那个人。
A woman, who was possibly his wife, hung around and made occasional interjections, which he seemed experienced in ignoring.
一个女人，可能是他的妻子，在附近徘徊，偶尔发出感叹声，但他似乎经验丰富地忽视了这一点。
I asked if I could try the bike before I bought it.
在购买之前我问是否可以尝试一下这辆自行车。
"Let's see the money first," he said.
“我们先看看钱，”他说。
His words were kind of slurred, and his balance was kind of wobbly.
他的话语有些含糊不清，他的平衡也有些摇晃。
His possible wife told him to cut me a break, which he ignored.
他可能的妻子告诉他让我休息一下，但他没有理睬。
"I just don't want you getting any ideas," he said.
“我只是不想让你得到任何想法，”他说。
So I gave him my backpack as a sort of security deposit, rode in a circle, got off, gave him the money, got my backpack, and rode away.
于是我把我的背包给了他作为押金，骑了一圈，下车，给了他钱，拿了我的背包，然后骑走了。
It was downhill from there.
从那里开始走下坡路。
[WINDOW CLOSING] Like video games and birding and heroin, people who are into cycling are really into cycling.
[窗口关闭] 就像电子游戏、观鸟和海洛因一样，喜欢骑自行车的人真的很喜欢骑自行车。
As for me, I wasn't into anything.
至于我，我对任何事情都没有兴趣。
I was living in State College, Pennsylvania, and attending Penn State.
我当时住在宾夕法尼亚州州立学院，就读于宾夕法尼亚州立大学。
I lived off campus, so on weekdays, I rode to school, and on weekends, I rode around aimlessly.
我住在校外，所以工作日我骑车去学校，周末我漫无目的地骑车到处走。
I was changing my major from engineering to English.
我正在把我的专业从工程转到英语。
But I still remembered that total mechanical energy is equal to the sum of kinetic and potential energy.
但我仍然记得总机械能等于动能和势能之和。
Now that I had no use for this information, I realized that it's actually quite useful that you have to take into account how fast you're going as well as how much faster you can go.
既然我对这些信息没有用处，我意识到它实际上非常有用，你必须考虑你要走多快以及你能走多快。
The church I went to held monthly volunteer projects, usually at places far from campus.
我去的教堂每月都会举办志愿者项目，通常是在远离校园的地方。
I never went before, because I didn't know anyone who would give me a ride.
我以前从未去过，因为我不认识任何人可以载我一程。
But now that I had a bike, I signed up.
但现在我有了自行车，我就报名了。
One month, we painted a guy's house.
一个月，我们粉刷了一个人的房子。
His name was Tony, and he sat at the kitchen table and chain smoked as we painted the walls.
他的名字叫托尼，他坐在厨房的桌子旁，我们粉刷墙壁时，他一直在抽烟。
During a break, I chatted with him.
休息的时候，我和他聊天。
He told me he had bronchitis, and I avoided pointing out the obvious.
他告诉我他患有支气管炎，我避免指出显而易见的事情。
The next month, I cleaned out a dead woman's house.
下个月，我清理了一个死去女人的房子。
She had died of cancer.
她死于癌症。
One of the volunteers there, Brian, said she lived alone and didn't have many friends.
那里的一位志愿者布莱恩说，她一个人住，没有很多朋友。
Her kids didn't call, so she would call Brian at midnight, and she wouldn't stop talking till 4:00 in the morning.
她的孩子们不打电话，所以她会在半夜给布莱恩打电话，一直聊到凌晨 4:00。
He didn't seem too torn up about her death.
对于她的死，他似乎并没有太伤心。
Brian told me he did IT for Penn State.
布莱恩告诉我他在宾夕法尼亚州立大学从事 IT 工作。
He went to school here in the '80s and stuck around for a few decades.
他在八十年代在这里上学，并在这里呆了几十年。
He was her only friend, if you could call him that.
他是她唯一的朋友，如果你可以这样称呼他的话。
[RECORD NEEDLE] [DIRTY BEACHES, "LORD KNOWS BEST"]
[记录针] [肮脏的海滩，“上帝最清楚”]
There's a video game called Gone Home, where you wander around your family's empty house.
有一款名为“Gone Home”的视频游戏，您可以在家人的空房子里闲逛。
It's dark and thundering outside, and you go from room to room, turning on the lights and looking at different objects-- notes on the fridge, your sister's old journal, your mother's weekly salon receipt.
外面很黑，雷声大作，你从一个房间走到另一个房间，打开灯，看着不同的物品——冰箱上的笔记、你姐姐的旧日记、你母亲每周的沙龙收据。
The stuff is scattered about seemingly at random, but it's actually arranged in such a way so that a story emerges about the people who live there-- how your parents met and married and had kids and then drifted apart, how your dad may have been molested as a child, how your sister fell in love and ran away.
这些东西看似随意地散落在各处，但实际上是按照这样的方式排列的，以便出现一个关于住在那里的人的故事——你的父母如何相遇、结婚、生子然后渐行渐远，你的父亲如何在小时候被猥亵，你的妹妹如何坠入爱河并离家出走。
[MUSIC CUTS] The women's house had no story, because life is not a story.
[音乐剪辑] 女人的房子没有故事，因为生活不是故事。
Life is boxes filled with yellowed magazines, empty printers, broken CRTs, stereo sets, couches, mattresses, chairs, sheets, lamps, a mountain of material with no throughline.
生活就是装满泛黄杂志、空打印机、坏掉的显像管、音响、沙发、床垫、椅子、床单、台灯、堆积如山的材料的盒子。
We started with the home office.
我们从家庭办公室开始。
It overlooked a dumpster in the driveway, so we threw stuff out the window.
它俯瞰车道上的一个垃圾箱，所以我们把东西扔到窗外。
[WINDOW OPENING] A girl from Germany helped me defenestrate.
[窗户打开] 一个来自德国的女孩帮我出了窗外。
[CRASH] She was a high schooler who, through some sort of exchange program, interned at the church.
[崩溃]她是一名高中生，通过某种交换计划在教堂实习。
[CRASH] I asked her what sort of responsibilities a church intern had.
[崩溃]我问她教会实习生有什么样的责任。
And she either didn't understand the question or chose to ignore it, and I didn't press the issue.
她要么不明白这个问题，要么选择忽略它，我也没有追问这个问题。
[CRASH] The hard part was the furniture.
[崩溃]最困难的部分是家具。
Brian and I tackled the heavy stuff-- the drawers and dressers and cabinets.
布莱恩和我处理了那些重的东西——抽屉、梳妆台和橱柜。
The dumpster was overflowing, so we had to break down the furniture before lifting it up and tipping it in.
垃圾箱已经满了，所以我们必须先把家具拆开，然后再把它抬起来并倒进去。
I felt a childlike satisfaction, turning the detritus of the stranger's life into ever-smaller bits of torn wood and popped nails.
我感到一种孩子般的满足感，将陌生人生活中的碎片变成了更小的碎片，撕裂的木头和弹出的钉子。
Towards the end of the day, Brian and I moved two redwood bookshelves onto the lawn.
一天快结束时，布莱恩和我把两个红木书架搬到了草坪上。
We'd thrown out the books beforehand.
我们事先就把书扔掉了。
He brought hammers.
他带来了锤子。
Instructions for smashing a redwood bookshelf on a dead woman's lawn.
在死去的女人的草坪上砸碎红木书架的说明。
One, stand back.
一、退后一步。
Hold the hammer at your hip.
将锤子放在臀部。
Two, move forward at a moderate speed, somewhere between walking and running.
第二，以介于步行和跑步之间的中等速度前进。
(SUBJECT) TEXT-TO-SPEECH, BOEN WANG: Three, make a sweeping motion with your arm, lifting the hammer directly above your head.
（主题）文字转语音，BOEN WANG：三，用手臂做出扫动动作，将锤子直接举过头顶。
Four--
四——
(SUBJECT) TEXT-TO-SPEECH, BOEN WANG: Repeat steps one through four until complete.
（主题）文本转语音，BOEN WANG：重复步骤一到四直至完成。
Ignore the church intern looking at you.
忽略教堂实习生看着你的样子。
At the end of the summer, I lost my best friend.
夏末，我失去了最好的朋友。
"Lost" isn't the right word to use, as it implies passivity on my part.
“迷失”这个词用得不太恰当，因为它暗示了我的被动性。
"Broke up" is closer, except that seems to only apply to romantic relationships.
“分手”更接近，只不过这似乎只适用于恋爱关系。
"Pushed away my best friend," "rejected her"-- something like that.
“推开了我最好的朋友”，“拒绝了她”——诸如此类。
I spent the summer biking to her apartment downtown.
整个夏天我骑自行车去她市中心的公寓。
I told her about the chain smoker and the dead woman and the weird scent of loneliness in their houses.
我告诉她那个烟鬼和死去的女人的事，以及他们房子里孤独的奇怪气味。
We cooked dinner, played board games, watched movies.
我们做饭、玩棋盘游戏、看电影。
We did the things we always did, except now I didn't want to do them.
我们做了我们一直做的事情，只是现在我不想做。
I told her that I didn't like spending time with her, that I didn't like her, that I didn't want to be her friend, that it wasn't her fault but mine, that I didn't understand it either, that I continued doing the things I did because I didn't know what else to do, and that, therefore, I should stop, and therefore we should stop being friends.
我告诉她，我不喜欢和她在一起，我不喜欢她，我不想成为她的朋友，这不是她的错，而是我的，我也不理解，我继续做我所做的事情，因为我不知道还能做什么，因此，我应该停止，因此我们应该停止做朋友。
It struck me even then as a pretty shitty explanation.
即使在当时我也觉得这是一个相当糟糕的解释。
Most of this came out in a conversation we had walking back to the house I was living at.
这些大部分内容都是在我们走回我住的房子时的一次谈话中得出的。
My bike, going tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, as I felt it twist in my chest, like I was hiding a terrible secret, except when I revealed it, my heart twisted tighter.
我的自行车，滴答、滴答、滴答、滴答、滴答、滴答、滴答、滴答，我感觉它在我的胸口扭曲，就像我隐藏着一个可怕的秘密，但当我透露它时，我的心扭曲得更紧。
A few days later, she sent me a 988-word Facebook message, an excerpt of which read--
几天后，她给我发了一条 988 字的 Facebook 消息，其中摘录如下：
If things are bad, can you just ask for a break instead of saying, "I don't want to be friends anymore"?
如果情况不好，你能不能直接要求休息一下，而不是说“我不想再做朋友了”？
And if you actually don't want to try anymore and you're certain want to let this go, then you can decide to break up.
如果你真的不想再尝试并且你确定要放手，那么你可以决定分手。
But it's literally the most hurtful thing you can do when you do that.
但这确实是当你这样做时你能做的最伤人的事情。
So only do it when you've really truly decided that you want to let me go.
所以只有当你真正决定要让我走的时候才这么做。
And I will let go, which doesn't mean that I'll stop loving you or caring about you or praying for you.
我会放手，但这并不意味着我会停止爱你、关心你或为你祈祷。
But in the end, I'll grow to be OK with not having you be a part of my life.
但最终，我会接受没有你成为我生活的一部分。
You are more important than this relationship.
你比这段关系更重要。
I sent her a two-word response.
我给她发了两个字的回复。
"OK.
“好的。
Sure." Before the school year started, I saw her one more time.
当然。”学年开始前，我又见到了她一次。
She told me that I didn't mean what I was doing, that self-loathing was warping my thinking, that pushing her away seemed like the right thing to do now but wouldn't solve anything.
她告诉我，我所做的并不是真心的，自我厌恶正在扭曲我的思维，把她推开似乎是正确的做法，但解决不了任何问题。
[STOPWATCH STARTING] She folded a piece of paper into a five-pointed star.
[秒表开始] 她把一张纸折成一颗五角星。
She'd been in a church retreat the previous weekend and told me an illustration she heard about queer youths who come out in the church.
上周末她去了教堂静修会，并向我讲述了她听到的一个关于在教堂里出柜的酷儿年轻人的例子。
When they start out, they have their family, friends, classmates, acquaintances, and the church.
当他们开始时，他们有家人、朋友、同学、熟人和教会。
She pointed to a star's point for each category.
她为每个类别指出了一个星点。
When they come out in a conservative Christian setting, they usually lose their family first, she said, ripping off a piece of the star.
当他们在保守的基督教环境中出来时，他们通常首先失去家人，她说，扯下了明星的一部分。
She went through every category, tearing the star apart piece by piece, until all that was left was a jagged pentagon.
她检查了每一个类别，将星星一片一片地撕开，直到只剩下一个锯齿状的五边形。
[STOPWATCH STOPPING] I don't remember if I said anything.
[秒表停止] 我不记得我是否说过什么。
I left and didn't see her for a year.
我离开了，一年没见到她了。
Let me tell you the point.
让我告诉你重点。
[FRANCOISE HARDY, "VOILA"]
[弗朗索瓦丝·哈代，“瞧”]
These days, the brakes on my bike don't work, so I scrape my foot against the ground to stop.
这些天，我的自行车刹车不灵了，我就用脚蹭地才停下来。
When I lie in bed, I think of near misses I've had, cruising down a long hill and almost hurtling into traffic, pressing back with both feet in a desperate attempt to stop.
当我躺在床上时，我想起自己曾有过的险些失手的经历：沿着一座长长的山坡行驶，差点冲进车流，拼命用双脚向后压，试图停下来。
This keeps me up at night, among other things.
这让我彻夜难眠等等。
The sole of my shoe is worn down, the rubber layers scraped away, and there's a smooth, gray surface beneath the hard, black sole.
我的鞋底已经磨损，橡胶层被刮掉，坚硬的黑色鞋底下面有光滑的灰色表面。
One of these days, I'll get the brakes fixed.
有一天，我会把刹车修好。
But for now, I use my foot.
但现在我用脚。
Eventually, I stop.
最终，我停了下来。
Boen Wang-- he's a writer and audio producer in Pittsburgh.
Boen Wang——他是匹兹堡的一名作家和音频制作人。
The other voice you heard during the story was Grace Gilbert.
你在故事中听到的另一个声音是格蕾丝·吉尔伯特。
To hear more of Boen's work, visit his website, boen.cool.
要了解 Boen 的更多作品，请访问他的网站 boen.cool。
That's B-O-E-N, dot cool.
这是 B-O-E-N，很酷。
Our program was produced today by Alix Spiegel and Ike Sriskandarajah.
今天我们的节目由 Alix Spiegel 和 Ike Sriskandarajah 制作。
Laura Starecheski was the editor.
劳拉·斯塔雷切斯基 (Laura Starecheski) 担任编辑。
People who put together today's show include Jendayi Bonds, Sean Cole, Michael Comite, Emmanuel Dzotsi, Stowe Nelson, Katherine Rae Mondo, Nadia Reiman, Safiyah Riddle, Ryan Rumery, Frances Swanson, Kyla Jones, Christopher Swetala, Matt Tierney, Julie Whitaker, and Diane Wu.
今天节目的制作人包括 Jendayi Bonds、Sean Cole、Michael Comite、Emmanuel Dzotsi、Stowe Nelson、Katherine Rae Mondo、Nadia Reiman、Safiyah Riddle、Ryan Rumery、Frances Swanson、Kyla Jones、Christopher Swetala、Matt Tierney、Julie Whitaker 和 Diane Wu。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Our senior editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的高级编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
This is our last show with our fellow, James Bennett the Second.
这是我们与我们的同伴詹姆斯·贝内特二世一起的最后一场演出。
He is off to a job as one of the hosts of a podcast and radio show at GBH Boston called The Culture Show.
他将在波士顿 GBH 担任播客和广播节目“文化秀”的主持人之一。
We all wish him the best.
我们都祝他一切顺利。
Special thanks today to Isaac Arnsdorf, James Pindell, Michael Graham, Katherine Dunn, and David Barbeau.
今天特别感谢 Isaac Arnsdorf、James Pindell、Michael Graham、Katherine Dunn 和 David Barbeau。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org, where you can listen to our archive of over 800 episodes for absolutely free.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中完全免费收听我们的 800 多集档案。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's confounder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们计划的混杂者 Torey Malatia 先生。
He's the king of boggle.
他是令人难以置信的国王。
There is none higher.
没有更高的了。
But he hates that little hourglass thingy.
但他讨厌那个沙漏小东西。
When the time starts running out, he always says--
当时间不多的时候，他总是说——
Oh, hell, no, you are not going to ruin my day, sand.
哦，天哪，不，你不会毁了我的一天，沙子。
Did I mention how many points he got for "quagmire"?
我有没有提到他因“泥潭”得了多少分？
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。