799: The Lives of Others - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #799 | May 12, 2023 799: The Lives of Others Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 799 集 | 2023 年 5 月 12 日 799：他人的生活 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Lilly Sullivan From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
序言：序言 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的 Lilly Sullivan，这就是《美国生活》。
I'm Lilly Sullivan, sitting in for Ira Glass.
我是莉莉·沙利文，代理艾拉·格拉斯。
A while back, we got an email from a listener in a small town in Utah.
不久前，我们收到一封来自犹他州一个小镇的听众的电子邮件。
He wrote, "It seems like half the town has a huge elementary-school-style crush on a local veterinarian." And I wanted to know, could this be real?
他写道：“似乎半个镇的人都像小学一样迷恋当地的兽医。”我想知道，这是真的吗？
So I flew to Utah.
所以我飞往犹他州。
And I went to the place people would a local vet, the dog park.
我去了人们去看当地兽医的地方，狗公园。
[DOGS YAPPING] Lilly Sullivan Hey.
[狗吠] Lilly Sullivan 嘿。
Can I ask you guys a question?
我可以问你们一个问题吗？
I'm working on a radio story about a vet who works here in town, named Dr. Artz.
我正在制作一个广播故事，讲述一位在城里工作的兽医，名叫阿茨博士。
I thought it'd take me a long time to assess this.
我以为我需要很长时间才能评估这一点。
It didn't.
事实并非如此。
I think different women in town thought he was very attractive.
我认为城里不同的女人都认为他很有魅力。
That's what I heard.
这就是我听到的。
He's very attractive, yes.
他非常有魅力，是的。
Person 4 Everybody talks about the cute vet in town.
第四个人 每个人都在谈论镇上可爱的兽医。
I'm not into Dr Artz.
我不喜欢阿兹博士。
But I'd say he's looking pretty good.
但我想说他看起来很不错。
No, he's-- he's hot.
不，他——他很性感。
But he's not-- he's totally upstanding.
但他不是——他完全正直。
He would never-- but yeah, he's hot, for sure.
他永远不会——但是，是的，他确实很性感。
Sorry.
对不起。
Yeah.
是的。
Lilly Sullivan Ex-husband, he whispers at her.
莉莉·沙利文前夫，他对她低声说道。
Most of these people, he wasn't even their vet, though I did talk to someone who knows him as her vet.
这些人中的大多数人，他甚至都不是他们的兽医，尽管我确实和认识他的兽医交谈过。
I'd tell you her name, but she asked that she and her dogs remain anonymous.
我会告诉你她的名字，但她要求她和她的狗保持匿名。
Everybody knows Dr. Artz is a hunk.
每个人都知道阿茨博士是个猛男。
I refer to him as McDreamy.
我称他为麦克梦想。
He's just so cute.
他真是太可爱了。
Her husband, Jim, was fine with me using his name because Dr. Artz doesn't know who he is because his wife always volunteers to take their dogs to the vet herself-- alone.
她的丈夫吉姆同意我使用他的名字，因为阿茨医生不知道他是谁，因为他的妻子总是自愿独自带他们的狗去看兽医。
So where I really realized-- I think this is the moment I realized that it was a serious crush.
所以我真正意识到——我想这就是我意识到这是一次严重迷恋的那一刻。
I guess we were dating.
我猜我们正在约会。
We had been dating long enough that we were already living in a house together.
我们约会的时间足够长了，我们已经一起住在一所房子里了。
And she was at this work training.
她正在接受这项工作培训。
And she called me.
她打电话给我。
And I was at home.
我当时在家。
And she said, I need you to log in to my computer because I need you to send over a file that I need for this training.
她说，我需要你登录我的电脑，因为我需要你发送我本次培训所需的文件。
And-- are you OK with me telling this story?
而且——你同意我讲这个故事吗？
OK.
好的。
His wife nods and squeezes her eyes shut.
他的妻子点点头，闭上了眼睛。
She puts her face in her hands.
她把脸埋在双手里。
And it's like, OK, cool.
就像，好吧，很酷。
And I ask her, I was like, so-- I got into her computer.
我问她，我当时想，所以——我进入了她的电脑。
And I think I had to log into her email.
我想我必须登录她的电子邮件。
And I was like, so what's your email password?
我想，那么你的电子邮件密码是多少？
And she goes, oh, shit.
她说，哦，该死。
I'm like, what's the deal?
我想，有什么关系？
And she's just waiting.
而她只是在等待。
And she's like-- it goes quiet for a moment.
她就像——一会儿安静了。
She's like, the password is Dr. Artz for life-- like a teenage girl-- doctor, artz, number 4, L-Y-F-E.
她就像，一生的密码是阿兹博士——就像一个十几岁的女孩——医生，阿兹，4号，L-Y-F-E。
It was not L-Y-F-E.
这不是 L-Y-F-E。
I spelled that part correctly.
我正确地拼写了该部分。
That's how I remember it.
我就是这样记住的。
And yeah, I just-- I remember I was like, OK, yeah, wow.
是的，我只是——我记得我当时想，好吧，是的，哇。
This is a real crush.
这是真正的迷恋。
This is a-- he was there before I was.
他比我早到那里。
That's so embarrassing.
那就太尴尬了
Lilly Sullivan What's embarrassing about it is the amount of time they spend on this.
Lilly Sullivan：令人尴尬的是他们在这上面花费的时间。
This woman is on group threads with five other people, men and women, all couples, all straight, in happy relationships.
这个女人和另外五个人在群组里，男人和女人，都是夫妻，都是异性恋，关系幸福。
One thread, they told me, is 80% dedicated to either Christmas movies or Dr. Artz.
他们告诉我，有一个帖子 80% 是关于圣诞电影或 Dr. Artz 的。
They don't know why they do it.
他们不知道为什么要这样做。
The one sidedness, the degree of it all.
片面性，一切的程度。
It confuses even them.
这甚至让他们感到困惑。
It's not a romantic crush.
这不是浪漫的迷恋。
I don't have a romantic crush on our vet.
我对我们的兽医没有浪漫的迷恋。
This is someone else on the thread, Alissa.
这是线程中的其他人，Alissa。
But there is something very vulnerable, I think, about admitting that you think about someone more than they would think about you.
但我认为，承认你对某人的考虑多于他们对你的考虑，这是非常脆弱的。
Nonetheless, at this point, the idea of Dr. Artz has become so omnipresent, they built this whole imagined life for him.
尽管如此，在这一点上，阿茨博士的想法已经变得如此无所不在，他们为他建造了这整个想象的生活。
Here's Jim again, the guy who found his wife's password, who's never actually met or talked to Dr. Artz.
吉姆又来了，他找到了妻子的密码，但他从未真正见过阿茨博士，也从未与他交谈过。
I picture that he lives on a ranch somewhere and has a couple of horses.
我想象他住在某个地方的一个牧场上，有几匹马。
Does he?
他有吗？
Didn't you tell me, once, about where he lives?
你不是曾经告诉过我他住在哪里吗？
No?
不？
No?
不？
OK, I guess I made that all up in my head.
好吧，我想这都是我在脑子里编出来的。
Say more.
多说一点。
What else?
还有什么？
Fill it out.
填写一下。
Because if you're picturing it, there's probably more there.
因为如果你想象一下，可能还有更多。
Right?
正确的？
Yeah, no. He's got a wife and kids.
是的，不。他有妻子和孩子。
And he lives on a ranch.
他住在一个牧场上。
And he's got horses.
而且他还有马。
He's wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, living on a ranch.
他穿着牛仔裤和法兰绒衬衫，住在牧场上。
Honestly, that's always what I-- did I just put that together in my head, entirely?
老实说，这一直是我的想法——我只是把这些完全放在脑子里吗？
Yes, the wife part-- I'm pretty sure he does have a wife.
是的，妻子部分——我很确定他确实有妻子。
Right?
正确的？
He is married.
他已婚了。
Yes.
是的。
Lilly Sullivan How do you know that?
莉莉·沙利文 你怎么知道的？
I'm pretty sure he has a ring on his finger.
我很确定他手指上戴着戒指。
You've looked?
你看过吗？
Wife Yes.
妻子 是的。
I always look.
我总是看。
You always look.
你总是看着。
Max McClorey, the guy who first wrote us about all this, had his own image.
马克斯·麦克洛里（Max McClorey）是第一个写信告诉我们这一切的人，他有自己的形象。
It's this-- him, tending to a stove-top percolator, and--
是这样的——他正在照料炉顶渗滤器，而且——
This is so specific.
这太具体了。
Max McClorey Yeah, right?
马克斯·麦克洛雷 是啊，对吧？
My mind just immediately went to this.
我的脑子立刻就想到了这一点。
And then walking out, to watch the sunrise on his porch in like a flannel jacket kind of thing.
然后走出去，像法兰绒夹克一样在他的门廊上看日出。
And that's probably super off base.
这可能是非常错误的。
He probably has a Keurig.
他可能有一个 Keurig。
I have no idea.
我不知道。
But yeah, I've got just this image of him in a cabin, basically.
但是，是的，我基本上只有这张他在小屋里的照片。
It would be out of character for him to not watch the sunrise with a cup of coffee that probably has some coffee grounds in it.
如果他不喝一杯可能含有咖啡渣的咖啡看日出，那是不符合他的性格的。
You know?
你知道？
[LAUGHTER] Like, he rides a motorcycle, which again, is he going to like throw his bag on his motorcycle and ride through the countryside with the wind in his hair to go save a horse or something?
[笑声] 比如，他骑摩托车，他会不会又把包扔到摩托车上，骑着风穿过乡村，去救一匹马什么的？
And this is what I'm here to talk about today.
这就是我今天要谈论的内容。
I totally understand this thing they're doing, putting so much thought into someone who's basically a stranger, something I do too, that I think lots of us do, but never really name.
我完全理解他们正在做的这件事，把这么多的心思放在一个基本上是陌生人的人身上，我也做了一些事情，我想我们很多人都这样做，但从未真正说出名字。
I've never been the most social person on Earth.
我从来都不是地球上最善于交际的人。
My natural state seems to be to spend a lot of time alone.
我的自然状态似乎是花很多时间独处。
But it wasn't until COVID and the prolonged isolation that I started noticing that sometimes random people would walk through my mind, people I had no reason to be thinking about.
但直到新冠疫情和长期的隔离，我才开始注意到有时随机的人会在我的脑海中闪过，而我没有理由去想这些人。
And my mind would just perch there, watching them, for a little while.
我的思绪会停留在那里，看着他们，一会儿。
Nothing loaded, it wasn't a crushy feeling.
没有任何负载，这不是一种破碎的感觉。
It's weirdly neutral, actually.
实际上，这是奇怪的中立。
I just hover in that scene for a moment.
我只是在那个场景中徘徊了一会儿。
For me, it's usually this person who I really don't know very well.
对我来说，通常是这个我不太了解的人。
I knew her in college.
我在大学时就认识她了。
She doesn't live near me.
她不住在我附近。
But sometimes, fairly often, I'll picture her just washing dishes in her house, sunlight pouring onto the sink, which I picture is white, even though I can't remember if that's right.
但有时，相当频繁地，我会想象她只是在家里洗碗，阳光倾泻在水槽上，我想象的是白色的水槽，尽管我不记得这是否正确。
There's warm, running water, suds, a few water glasses.
有温热的自来水、肥皂水和几杯水。
The images are like a little coffee break from my own life, where I try on hers for size.
这些照片就像是我自己生活中的一个小咖啡休息时间，我在那里试穿她的尺码。
It feels nice there, peaceful, and rooted, which aren't feelings I feel a ton of in my own life.
那里感觉很好，平和，扎根，但我在自己的生活中并没有感受到很多这种感觉。
She does not know that I do this.
她不知道我这样做。
And I never want her to find out.
我永远不想让她发现。
Today on our show, we lean into this thing that is so awkward that we usually turn away from it.
今天在我们的节目中，我们倾向于这个非常尴尬的事情，以至于我们通常会避开它。
We're calling it the lives of others.
我们称之为他人的生活。
I don't know why I do this.
我不知道我为什么要这样做。
But I think it's something so common.
但我认为这是很常见的事情。
So let's talk about it.
那么我们来谈谈吧。
First stop, Dr. Artz.
第一站，Artz博士。
Does he have any idea how much he's taken over people's brains?
他知道他在多大程度上控制了人们的大脑吗？
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, So, I Hear You're Hot.
第一幕，所以，我听说你很性感。
I drove out to Dr. Artz's house on a sunny winter day, on what I have to say is probably the most cringey assignment I've ever had.
在一个阳光明媚的冬日，我开车去了阿茨博士的家，我不得不说这可能是我经历过的最尴尬的任务。
And when my GPS told me to turn left off the highway, I got my first unexpected sign, a literal sign, as I entered the driveway.
当我的 GPS 告诉我在高速公路上左转时，当我进入车道时，我看到了第一个意想不到的标志，一个字面上的标志。
"Lost River Ranch," it read, carved in metal, mounted between two columns of piled boulders.
上面写着“失落的河流牧场”，用金属雕刻而成，安装在两根巨石柱之间。
A ranch, just like Jim had imagined.
一个牧场，就像吉姆想象的那样。
I drove down the mountain, past a Jeep Wrangler, an electric blue pickup, past the motorcycles.
我开车下山，经过一辆吉普牧马人，一辆蓝色电动皮卡，经过摩托车。
And then I saw it, cresting atop the hill, a beautiful log cabin.
然后我在山顶看到了一座美丽的小木屋。
And I met Dr. Artz, or as he calls himself, John.
我遇到了阿茨博士，或者他自称约翰。
Hi.
你好。
John Artz What's happening?
约翰·阿茨 发生了什么事？
You know, you already got that thing rolling, huh?
你知道，你已经开始做这件事了，是吧？
Yeah, we were just chatting.
是的，我们只是在聊天。
It's good to see you.
很高兴见到你。
You, as well, you as well.
你也一样，你也一样。
Lilly Sullivan Let's just get this out of the way.
莉莉·沙利文：让我们把这个问题解决掉吧。
What does Dr. John Artz look like?
约翰·阿茨博士长什么样？
There's this Paul Newman thing going on--
保罗·纽曼的事情正在发生——
I mean, we're done-- Lilly Sullivan --salt-and-pepper hair, hazel eyes that one could accurately characterize as soul piercing.
我的意思是，我们已经完成了——莉莉·沙利文——盐色和胡椒色的头发，淡褐色的眼睛，人们可以准确地将其描述为穿透灵魂。
But what you notice most is the way you're hit with a force field of magnetic kindness.
但你最注意到的是你被仁慈的磁力场击中的方式。
And can I just say, there's no normal way to go up to someone and say, professionally, were you aware that everyone has a crush on you?
我可以说，没有正常的方式可以走到某人面前并专业地说，你是否意识到每个人都迷恋你？
Yeah, yeah.
是啊是啊。
Lilly Sullivan I stumbled through it.
莉莉·沙利文 我偶然发现了它。
I'm doing my best.
我正在尽力而为。
OK?
好的？
Lilly Sullivan The thing that I said in my email is, everyone really likes you, says you're amazing with animals, amazing with people.
莉莉·沙利文（Lilly Sullivan）我在电子邮件中说的是，每个人都非常喜欢你，说你对动物和人都很棒。
And the thing that I haven't said yet is that there's a bit of-- there's a town-wide crush--
我还没有说的是，有一点——全镇范围内的迷恋——
[LAUGHTER] --that people talk about with you.
[笑声]——人们和你谈论这些。
Dr. Artz didn't blink an eye.
阿茨博士连眼睛都没眨一下。
It wasn't news to him.
这对他来说不是什么新闻。
Well, I think I knew somewhat.
嗯，我想我知道一些。
And again, it wasn't a constant part of my life.
再说一遍，这并不是我生活中固定的一部分。
But for instance, where my now-wife used to work, when we started dating, I'd go in to see my wife and have a beer.
但举例来说，在我现在的妻子曾经工作的地方，当我们开始约会时，我会去看我的妻子并喝杯啤酒。
And the manager would come up and sit next to me, and put her arm around me, jokingly, like, our book club last night turned into a conversation about you.
经理会过来坐在我旁边，用手臂搂着我，开玩笑地说，昨晚我们的读书俱乐部变成了关于你的谈话。
So I would get that occasionally-- or whatever.
所以我偶尔会得到这个——或者其他什么。
Sometimes clients would leave little notes with his receptionist, things like that.
有时客户会给接待员留下一些小纸条之类的东西。
And most of it's just flattering and harmless and innocent, for sure.
当然，其中大部分只是奉承、无害和无辜。
But I was appreciative and flattered, yeah, certainly.
但我很感激，也很受宠若惊，是的，当然。
But that was-- a few people would tell me things like that.
但那是——有几个人会告诉我这样的事情。
And I never extrapolated it to being the whole town was talking about me or anything.
我从来没有推断出整个城镇都在谈论我或任何事情。
I didn't let my imagination run wild by any means.
我无论如何都没有让自己的想象力胡思乱想。
Oh, no, no. Of course not.
哦，不，不。当然不是。
Who would ever do something like that?
谁会做这样的事呢？
I told him more about how people imagined him.
我告诉他更多关于人们对他的想象。
And the answer I got was-- this is going to sound crazy, but the picture I have is tending to a stove-top coffee percolator, and taking it out to the porch to like watch the sunrise, in a flannel.
我得到的答案是——这听起来很疯狂，但我的照片是照料一个炉顶咖啡过滤器，然后把它带到门廊上，穿着法兰绒看日出。
If you look behind me, you just described me, actually.
如果你回头看我，你实际上只是描述了我。
And I love percolators.
我喜欢渗滤器。
That's funny.
那很好笑。
Are you serious?
你是认真的？
John Artz Oh, my god, that's my favorite.
约翰·阿茨 噢，天啊，那是我的最爱。
I had my grandmother's four-cup percolator all through vet school.
我在兽医学校期间一直用着祖母的四杯渗滤器。
And so my wife and I just bought-- and this is-- we bought a coffee pot.
所以我和我的妻子刚刚买了——这是——我们买了一个咖啡壶。
We needed to get new stuff.
我们需要获得新东西。
And I bought a 12-cup percolator.
我还买了一个12杯的渗滤器。
And I just can't master it the way I had that 4-cup.
我就是无法像我喝四杯那样掌握它。
So all those things I thought-- ranch, check.
所以我想到的所有这些事情——牧场、检查。
Cabin, check.
机舱，检查一下。
Coffee percolator, check.
咖啡过滤器，检查。
Flannel, check.
法兰绒，检查一下。
Motorcycle-- I'm going to say double check because he goes on long rides alone in the desert.
摩托车——我要仔细检查一下，因为他要独自在沙漠中长途骑行。
Horses-- OK, no horses.
马——好吧，没有马。
But he has worked as a wrangler in Montana.
但他曾在蒙大拿州当过牧马人。
And watching the sunrise from his porch-- well, his porch face is west, not east.
从他的门廊看日出——嗯，他的门廊面向西，而不是东。
And so not sunrise-- they're close-- but sunset is my big thing.
所以不是日出——它们很接近——但日落是我最喜欢的。
And I have a sunset tune, released by Pearl Jam.
我还有一首日落曲子，由 Pearl Jam 发行。
Sunsets here are incredible, right over that ridge, right there.
这里的日落令人难以置信，就在山脊上，就在那里。
And again, I don't know quite how to say this professionally, but this entire gazing up on the snow-kissed ridge thing-- as a reporter, I can report that is an objectively hot scenario.
再说一次，我不太知道如何专业地表达这一点，但整个凝视着白雪亲吻的山脊的事情——作为一名记者，我可以报告说，这是一个客观的热门场景。
Yeah, I laughed when they said that because I was like, that's not how anyone lives.
是的，当他们这么说时我笑了，因为我想，这不是任何人的生活方式。
But as I'm looking out, you're pointing at snow-covered mountains.
但当我向外望去时，你指的是白雪覆盖的山脉。
And this is a log cabin and a porch.
这是一间小木屋和一个门廊。
Yeah, yeah.
是啊是啊。
And the reservoir's right there.
水库就在那里。
It is absolutely amazing, absolutely amazing.
这绝对是令人惊奇的，绝对令人惊奇的。
I was honestly floored that they got it so close.
老实说，我对他们如此接近感到震惊。
To me, that had seemed like the least likely possible outcome of all of this.
对我来说，这似乎是所有这一切中最不可能出现的结果。
Though to everyone in town, he was a fantasy person.
尽管对镇上的每个人来说，他都是一个充满幻想的人。
So they invented a life that was perfect enough for this perfect person, which of course, left so much out.
所以他们为这个完美的人发明了一种足够完美的生活，当然，这遗漏了很多东西。
For instance, Dr. Artz is funny.
例如，阿茨博士很有趣。
And he likes dorky things, like Waiting for Guffman and Monty Python, which he quotes freely and regularly.
他还喜欢一些愚蠢的东西，比如《等待古夫曼》和《巨蟒剧团》，他经常自由地引用这些作品。
And we will call him Tim.
我们称他为蒂姆。
Lilly Sullivan Tim.
莉莉·沙利文·蒂姆.
Also, no one in town knew the most important thing in his life right now, which is that he's leaving.
而且，镇上没有人知道他生命中最重要的一件事，那就是他要离开。
When I talked to him, he already had his house almost entirely packed up.
当我和他说话时，他的房子几乎已经收拾好了。
He hadn't told many clients yet.
他还没有告诉很多客户。
But his wife and three dogs were already gone.
但他的妻子和三只狗已经走了。
He's moving back to Pittsburgh, his hometown.
他要搬回家乡匹兹堡。
His mom's getting older.
他的妈妈年纪越来越大了。
And he didn't like her being alone so much.
而且他也不太喜欢她一个人呆着。
In fact, they just had a scare.
事实上，他们只是被吓到了。
And he was about to get on a red eye.
而且他的眼睛都快红了。
Luckily-- I thought I was going straight to the hospital.
幸运的是——我以为我要直接去医院。
But my mom-- my wife's with her right now.
但我妈妈——我妻子现在和她在一起。
They discharged her.
他们让她出院了。
So I'll probably just go over and say, hi, Mom, and fall asleep on her chair-- in her chair or something.
所以我可能会走过去说，嗨，妈妈，然后在她的椅子上睡着——在她的椅子上或者其他什么地方。
Are you guys close?
你们关系亲密吗？
John Artz Oh, very.
约翰·阿茨 哦，非常。
Yes.
是的。
I want to move home as much as possible, as soon as possible, because my mother-- she's 88.
我想尽可能多地、尽快搬回家，因为我的母亲——她已经 88 岁了。
So you've got to take every day.
所以你必须每天服用。
I want to be there every day I possibly can.
我希望尽可能每天都在那里。
Before I left, I asked him the question so many people in town had asked me.
离开之前，我问了他城里很多人问过我的问题。
Does Dr. Artz have a Dr. Artz?
阿兹博士有阿兹博士吗？
Does he do this too?
他也这样做吗？
And he was very polite, and tried so hard to say yes, really tried to put me at ease and say that I wasn't a weirdo, that no one in town was a creep, that it's totally human and that of course he does this.
他非常有礼貌，非常努力地答应我，真的想让我放松，并说我不是怪人，镇上没有人是怪人，这完全是人性的，他当然会这样做。
But the only example he could come up with was this.
但他能想到的唯一例子就是这个。
I remember just me and my buddy talking.
我记得只有我和我的朋友在说话。
And we got fixated on some guy's belt.
我们迷上了某个人的腰带。
I think he was wearing a belt in a hot tub.
我认为他在热水浴缸里系着腰带。
And so--
所以——
You know, like shorts.
你知道，就像短裤一样。
Maybe he didn't have a bathing suit.
也许他没有泳衣。
So he had a belt on with his shorts.
所以他的短裤上系着腰带。
And we-- literally, it was a half hour, talking about when he bought that belt and what that belt meant to him.
我们——毫不夸张地说，这是一个半小时，谈论他什么时候买了那条腰带以及那条腰带对他意味着什么。
And then the story went way beyond that belt.
然后故事就远远超出了这个范围。
It was a good effort.
这是一个很好的努力。
But I think it's not the same thing.
但我认为这不是同一件事。
When he's drinking his coffee and staring at the amazing sunset from his cabin, I do not think he's thinking about that guy in the hot tub.
当他在他的小屋里喝着咖啡，凝视着令人惊叹的日落时，我认为他并没有想到热水浴缸里的那个人。
Maybe that's the difference between doctor Artz and the rest of us.
也许这就是阿茨医生和我们其他人的区别。
Some of us spend a lot of time thinking about people we don't know.
我们中的一些人花了很多时间思考我们不认识的人。
And some of us are the thought about.
我们中的一些人正在思考。
Act Two, Who is Sarah Blust?
第二幕，莎拉·布鲁斯特是谁？
So maybe some of us spend a weird amount of energy thinking about people we barely know.
因此，也许我们中的一些人会花费大量的精力去思考那些我们几乎不认识的人。
But rarely then, do we go up to those same people and get to know them, and test the reality of whatever fantasy we have of them.
但我们很少会去找那些人并了解他们，并检验我们对他们的任何幻想的现实性。
But in our next story, that's exactly what happens.
但在我们的下一个故事中，这正是发生的事情。
It comes from producer Alix Spiegel.
它来自制片人阿利克斯·斯皮格尔。
This is a little weird.
这有点奇怪。
But it's going to be OK.
但一切都会好起来的。
It's never easy for me to interview people I'm close to.
采访我亲近的人对我来说从来都不是一件容易的事。
So usually I try hard to avoid it.
所以通常我都会努力避免它。
But a little while ago, I sat down with one of my dearest friends, Sarah Blust, to talk about something that happened to her when we were younger.
但不久前，我和我最亲密的朋友之一莎拉·布鲁斯特（Sarah Blust）坐下来，谈论了我们年轻时发生在她身上的一件事。
A story that I've recently come to see in a totally new way, as not just a story about a strange thing that happened, but also as a good example of the way stories -- the ones we tell about ourselves and others we imagine -- can bend our lives in odd directions.
我最近以一种全新的方式看待这个故事，它不仅是一个关于发生的奇怪事情的故事，而且也是一个很好的例子，说明故事——我们讲述自己和我们想象的他人的故事——可以使我们的生活朝着奇怪的方向弯曲。
I was thinking about how this is such a crazy story.
我在想这是一个如此疯狂的故事。
But I never, ever thought of it as a story because I just experienced it as--
但我从来没有把它当作一个故事，因为我只是经历过它——
Our lives.
我们的生活。
Alix Spiegel --our lives.
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔——我们的生活。
Yes.
是的。
I met Sarah my first year of college.
我在大学第一年认识了莎拉。
We ate at the same place at Oberlin, a small house on campus called Keep.
我们在欧柏林的同一个地方吃饭，校园里的一栋小房子，名叫Keep。
I was immediately drawn to Sarah, I think because I saw her as my opposite.
我立刻就被莎拉吸引了，我想是因为我认为她是我的对立面。
To me, Sarah seemed like a red-headed gush of uncomplicated joy, music, and glitter, a free and easy person who was up for anything.
对我来说，莎拉就像一头红发，充满了简单的快乐、音乐和光芒，是一个自由而轻松的人，愿意做任何事情。
I saw myself as the mirror opposite.
我把自己看作对面的镜子。
There was nothing free or easy about me.
我身上没有什么是自由或轻松的。
I was hell bent, so on a mission to remake myself that I was oblivious to many of the parts of college life that preoccupied my peers, including, as Sarah was maybe a little quick to point out, hygiene.
我一心一意，所以为了重塑自己的使命，我忘记了大学生活中同龄人关注的许多部分，包括，正如莎拉可能很快指出的那样，卫生。
What did I wear?
我穿了什么？
Sarah Blust You wore this brownish sweatshirt that had a lot of holes in it.
Sarah Blust 你穿的这件棕色运动衫有很多洞。
And you always had a backpack that was full of books because you were always going to the library.
你总是有一个装满书籍的背包，因为你总是去图书馆。
And apparently I was always the one who was not square.
显然我一直是那个不方正的人。
I was hippie, whatever comes-- whatever happens, happens.
我是嬉皮士，无论发生什么，无论发生什么，都会发生。
I'll go with the flow.
我会随波逐流。
And then Alix was like, what the hell are you doing?
然后阿利克斯说，你到底在做什么？
I could not go with the flow, not even a little, because of violin.
因为小提琴，我无法随波逐流，甚至一点也不能。
The short version is that for a variety of reasons, my mother decided, when I was five, that I would become a world-famous solo violinist.
简而言之，由于种种原因，我母亲在我五岁时决定我要成为一名世界著名的小提琴独奏家。
But inconveniently for me, world-famous solo violinist is a field which involves ridiculous amounts of practice, three to six hours a day on top of school and homework.
但对我来说不方便的是，世界著名的小提琴独奏家是一个需要大量练习的领域，除了学校和家庭作业之外，每天还要花三到六个小时。
I quit as soon as I got to college.
我一上大学就辞职了。
But the whole violin thing meant that a sizable portion of my childhood was spent alone, in a practice room, with, as my brother likes to joke, nothing but the cinder blocks for friends.
但整个小提琴的事情意味着我童年的很大一部分时间都是在练习室里独自度过的，正如我哥哥喜欢开玩笑的那样，除了朋友们的煤渣砖之外什么也没有。
And then there was Sarah.
然后是莎拉。
The last of three sisters, she'd grown up surrounded by people, and so had this easy way with them.
她是三姐妹中的最后一个，她是在人们的包围下长大的，所以和他们相处很轻松。
Sarah was the kind of person who would literally brighten at the sight of someone, almost no matter who that person was, I remember thinking.
我记得莎拉是那种一看到某人就会眼前一亮的人，几乎不管那个人是谁。
And it felt like fun just inevitably found her.
她感觉很有趣。
For example, there was a brief time, in our 30s, when we both lived in New York City.
例如，在我们 30 多岁的时候，有一段短暂的时期，我们都住在纽约市。
And I remember one random Tuesday, after work, I happened to meet up with Sarah for dinner.
我记得一个随机的星期二，下班后，我碰巧和莎拉一起吃晚饭。
And I asked how her day was.
我问她今天过得怎么样。
Sarah explained what, for her, had been a fairly typical day.
莎拉解释了对她来说这是相当典型的一天。
And though I don't remember the details, I vividly remembered the sentence that went through my head immediately after hearing it.
虽然细节我不记得了，但我听到后立刻脑子里闪过的那句话我却记得清清楚楚。
Why do I never end up on a pirate ship in the middle of the Hudson River?
为什么我永远不会登上哈德逊河中部的海盗船？
During that time period, a sentence like that probably went through my head two out of every five times I talked to Sarah.
在那段时间里，我每五次与莎拉交谈时，可能就有两次这样的句子出现在我的脑海中。
So I think that's all the Sarah Blust context you need to appreciate the story you're about to hear.
所以我认为这就是你欣赏你将要听到的故事所需的全部莎拉·布鲁斯特背景。
This particular story, I guess, starts at my 10-year reunion.
我想，这个特别的故事要从我十年重逢时开始。
Yeah.
是的。
In 2004, about 10 years after we graduated, Sarah and a couple of her female friends decided to return to campus for their reunion.
2004年，也就是我们毕业大约10年后，莎拉和她的几个女性朋友决定回到校园团聚。
They weren't going in an overly-earnest, I miss my college kind of way.
他们并没有过于认真，我很怀念我的大学时光。
I think this was half ironic.
我认为这有一半是讽刺。
And I think somehow, one of us had found out about a party, a party that was being held by actual seniors.
我想不知何故，我们中的一个人发现了一个聚会，一个由真正的老年人举办的聚会。
And we went.
我们去了。
And you went in the spirit of what?
你是本着什么精神去的？
Was: it like, we're clowning, we're crashing?
是：就像，我们在小丑，我们在崩溃？
Yeah, I think it was total party crashing.
是的，我认为这是一场彻底的聚会崩溃。
It was also hilarious to be hanging out with, I guess what we thought of as kids, 10 years younger.
和比我们小十岁的孩子一起出去玩也很有趣，我猜是我们小时候的想法。
But it felt so familiar.
但感觉是那么的熟悉。
It's exactly what we wanted because it was like being at Oberlin again.
这正是我们想要的，因为这就像再次回到欧柏林。
It was that feel.
就是那种感觉。
So they make their way to this off-campus house where music is blaring and a large number of alcohol-drenched college students are littered across the lawn.
于是，他们来到了校外的一所房子，那里音乐震耳欲聋，草坪上散落着大量喝得酩酊大醉的大学生。
And I remember we hung out a lot in the backyard because we felt a little bit out of place.
我记得我们经常在后院闲逛，因为我们感觉有点格格不入。
And then finally, we met-- I was hanging out in the house proper.
最后，我们见面了——我当时正在房子里闲逛。
And there was this really fun dance floor happening.
舞池里发生了非常有趣的事情。
I feel like-- it was almost like the crowds parted in a certain way.
我觉得——这几乎就像人群以某种方式分开。
And this kid, this guy, comes over.
这个孩子，这个家伙，过来了。
And from what I remember, he basically ordered me to dance.
据我所知，他基本上是命令我跳舞。
It was like, dance floor, now.
现在就像是舞池。
Now this is Sarah Blust, we're talking about.
我们现在谈论的是莎拉·布鲁斯特。
Besides, this guy, whoever he was, was attractive.
而且，这个家伙，无论他是谁，都很有魅力。
He was really cute.
他真的很可爱。
And he had dark hair and pretty eyes, and little shorter than me.
他有一头黑发和漂亮的眼睛，比我矮一点。
And definitely a senior.
而且绝对是前辈。
Well, he was certainly a college student.
嗯，他肯定是一名大学生。
And I think at that point, I was feeling so different because I'd been living in New York City for 10 years and had charted my own way.
我想在那一刻，我感觉如此不同，因为我已经在纽约生活了 10 年，并制定了自己的道路。
I don't want you to get the wrong idea about Sarah.
我不想让你对莎拉产生错误的看法。
She's not the kind of person who typically flirts with random college seniors.
她不是那种经常和大学高年级学生调情的人。
Today, she's the director of two sexual and reproductive health clinics in New York.
如今，她是纽约两家性健康和生殖健康诊所的主任。
And she was well on her way to becoming the director of two reproductive health clinics by the time of the reunion.
到团聚时，她已经成为两家生殖健康诊所的主任。
So she wasn't exactly itching to take a college kid seriously.
所以她并不急于认真对待一个大学生。
But wow, he was really super nice.
但是哇，他真的超级好。
And it's really, really fun.
这真的非常非常有趣。
So yeah, so we danced, and danced.
是的，所以我们跳舞，跳舞。
And then it was getting to that awkward part of the party, where the beer is gone.
然后就到了聚会中那个尴尬的时刻，啤酒不见了。
Fortunately Dan-- that was the guy's actual name, Dan-- had the foresight to stow an emergency six pack in his room.
幸运的是，丹——那是那家伙的真名，丹——有先见之明，在他的房间里放了一个紧急的六块腹肌。
And so we ended up going up to his room and hanging out.
所以我们最终去了他的房间并闲逛。
And--
还有——
So then the morning came.
于是早晨就到了。
It was brutal.
这很残酷。
I was totally hung over.
我完全宿醉了。
And we couldn't dally because his parents were about to arrive because it was his graduation.
我们不能拖延，因为他的父母即将到达，因为这是他的毕业典礼。
So we're getting it all together preparing to get out the house.
所以我们正在整理一切准备离开家。
And yeah, and then at a certain point he said, so Sarah, what's your last name, which was kind of funny because we had spent all this time together.
是的，然后在某个时候他说，莎拉，你姓什么，这很有趣，因为我们一直在一起度过了所有的时间。
But right, he was Dan.
但没错，他就是丹。
I was Sarah.
我是莎拉。
We didn't know anything else, really, about each other.
事实上，我们对彼此一无所知。
And so I said Blust.
所以我说的是布鲁斯。
Sarah Blust.
莎拉·布鲁斯特。
And he like completely flips.
而且他喜欢完全翻转。
He completely flips out.
他彻底疯了。
And I just remember him-- he did this thing when he jumped out of bed.
我只记得他——他从床上跳起来时做了这件事。
And he was like, oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god.
他就像，哦，我的上帝，哦，我的上帝，哦，我的上帝。
I thought, did I just sleep with my brother?
我想，我刚才是不是和哥哥睡了？
[LAUGHS] I'm like, am I related because he hears my last name and he freaks out.
[笑]我想，我有亲戚关系吗，因为他听到我的姓氏就吓坏了。
So I'm like, what is going on?
所以我想，发生了什么事？
It felt like the room had tilted, like just the world had just tilted all of a sudden.
感觉房间倾斜了，就像世界突然倾斜了一样。
This, of course, is Dan, the cute, kind senior who lured my friend, Sarah, to his room with promises of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
当然，这是丹，一位可爱、善良的前辈，他用帕布斯特蓝丝带的承诺将我的朋友莎拉引诱到他的房间。
He confirms that when he first heard the name Sarah Blust, he pretty much lost his mind and started screaming at the top of his lungs.
他证实，当他第一次听到莎拉·布鲁斯特这个名字时，他几乎失去了理智，开始大声尖叫。
And I'm like, Sarah, you're not going to believe this.
我想，莎拉，你不会相信这一点。
You're not going to believe this.
你不会相信这一点。
I have to tell you this story, the story within the story.
我必须告诉你这个故事，故事中的故事。
Dan's story starts at Keep Cottage, the same place I met Sarah my first year at Oberlin.
丹的故事从 Keep Cottage 开始，那是我在欧柏林大学第一年遇见莎拉的地方。
Dan, as a freshman, had lived there too.
丹，作为一名新生，也住在那里。
And he says one day, he was hanging out in the lounge, on the ground floor.
他说有一天，他在一楼的休息室里闲逛。
And there were bookshelves.
还有书架。
And on the bookshelves were old photo albums, old books, old textbooks that people had left behind.
书架上放着人们留下的旧相册、旧书、旧教科书。
So Dan picks up one of the photo albums.
于是丹拿起一本相册。
These were all people who had lived in Keep before, some time in the distant past.
这些人都是很久以前住在城堡里的人。
And I was just flipping through and just looking at them, and just started to wonder what their lives were like.
我只是翻阅他们，只是看着他们，然后开始想知道他们的生活是什么样的。
Did they do the same thing that I was doing then, like sitting in the lounge and waiting for people to come and distract them?
他们是否做了和我当时做的同样的事情，比如坐在休息室里等待人们过来分散他们的注意力？
All those other lives-- what were those other people like?
所有其他的生活——那些其他人是什么样的？
There was one photograph that stuck out to me.
有一张照片让我印象深刻。
And I can't say-- I never really could put my finger on why that particular photo stuck out to me.
我不能说——我从来没有真正弄清楚为什么那张特定的照片对我来说如此突出。
But it was a girl, looking a little bit, maybe, dazed, in the foreground, and a guy, sitting on a bed, not looking at the camera, in the background.
但这是一个女孩，在前景中看起来有点茫然，而在背景中是一个男人，坐在床上，没有看镜头。
And I said, I want to know who this person is.
我说，我想知道这个人是谁。
I wonder what her life was like.
我想知道她的生活是什么样的。
Luckily, the photo contained additional information.
幸运的是，这张照片包含了更多信息。
There was a name on the back.
背面有一个名字。
Sarah Blust.
莎拉·布鲁斯特。
So I pulled the photograph out of the photo album.
于是我就把这张照片从相册里拿出来了。
I brought it upstairs.
我把它带到楼上。
And I sat down at my computer.
我坐在电脑前。
And instead of doing my homework, I wrote a brief, short story, a one-page story, about the person in the photograph.
我没有做作业，而是写了一个关于照片中的人的简短故事，一页纸的故事。
I know this sounds a little unusual.
我知道这听起来有点不寻常。
It is a little unusual.
这有点不寻常。
But Dan made up a whole fictional story about a redhead named Sarah Blust, someone with two sisters, like the real Sarah Blust, who, like the real Sarah, goes to college and maybe smokes a little too much weed.
但丹编造了一个完整的虚构故事，讲述的是一个名叫莎拉·布鲁斯特的红发女郎，她有两个姐妹，就像真正的莎拉·布鲁斯特一样，她和真正的莎拉一样，上大学，也许吸了太多大麻。
Now Dan hadn't seen this story since graduation.
丹自从毕业后就再也没有看过这个故事。
But we were actually able to retrieve a copy from the carcass of his 20-year-old candy-blue Apple computer, due to the superhuman efforts of a San Francisco-based computer expert named Mitch.
但由于旧金山计算机专家米奇 (Mitch) 的超人努力，我们实际上能够从他 20 年前的糖果蓝色苹果电脑的残骸中找到一份副本。
Thanks, Mitch.
谢谢，米奇。
Anyway, the main focus of Dan's story is Sarah's involvement with this fictional guy named Matt.
不管怎样，丹故事的主要焦点是莎拉与这个名叫马特的虚构人物的关系。
Throughout the story, Sarah and Matt circle each other, drawn, but not quite sure what to make of the strange connection they feel.
在整个故事中，莎拉和马特互相围着对方转，被吸引，但不太确定如何理解他们所感受到的奇怪联系。
And in the end, they don't end up together.
而最终，他们并没有走到一起。
In Dan's imagination, it's this made-up character, Matt, who takes the photo that he found.
在丹的想象中，正是这个虚构的角色马特拍摄了他找到的照片。
Here's the last paragraph.
这是最后一段。
"Two weeks before the school year broke into summer vacation, Matt came and knocked on Sarah's door in Keep.
“学年开始放暑假前两周，马特来到凯普敲响了莎拉的门。
He brought with him this picture, and gave it to her.
他随身带着这张照片，交给了她。
That day, he told her that he really cared about her and wanted to see her more often.
那天，他告诉她，他真的很关心她，想经常见到她。
She held on to the picture all summer, keeping it as a memento of Matt and her tragic love.
她整个夏天都保留着这张照片，作为马特和她悲剧爱情的纪念品。
She did not realize this picture was in storage when she moved out.
当她搬出去时，她并没有意识到这张照片被存放起来。
She now and then thinks of Matt on her way to work or when playing with the kids.
她偶尔会在上班的路上或与孩子们玩耍时想起马特。
She wonders where this picture is.
她想知道这张照片在哪里。
Little does she know, it is on the wall of Keep Cottage."
她几乎不知道，它就在Keep Cottage的墙上。”
Oh, my god.
我的天啊。
That is insane.
那太疯狂了。
Alix Spiegel Had you ever done anything like that before?
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔（Alix Spiegel）你以前做过类似的事吗？
Or was there something in this person, in this photo?
或者这个人、这张照片里有什么东西吗？
Hmm.
唔。
At the time, it really felt like a random act, like I was just doing something to amuse myself at random.
当时真的感觉很随意，就好像我只是随意做一些自娱自乐的事情。
And Dan didn't just write a story about Sarah Blust.
丹不只是写了一个关于莎拉·布鲁斯特的故事。
He also posted said story, of Sara Blust, with her photo, on the door of his room, where it stayed until the end of the school year, at which point, Dan says, it went into a trash can.
他还将萨拉·布鲁斯特的故事和她的照片贴在他房间的门上，直到学年结束，丹说，那时它就被扔进了垃圾桶。
And he never, ever thought of it again.
他再也没有想过这个问题。
At all, until commencement week, when I met Sarah Blust, who was standing in my room.
直到毕业典礼周，我遇到了站在我房间里的莎拉·布鲁斯特。
[LAUGHS] I did not believe a word he was saying.
[笑]我不相信他说的一个字。
But--
但是——
Did you actually not believe a word he was saying?
他说的话你真的一个字都不相信吗？
I could believe it but it just-- I wasn't believing it.
我可以相信，但只是——我不相信。
I was believing it and not at the same time, if that's possible.
我当时相信这一点，但同时又不相信，如果可能的话。
And he said no, it's real.
他说不，这是真的。
And he pulls out his laptop.
他拿出笔记本电脑。
And he opens it up.
他打开了它。
And he points to this file that has my name on it.
他指着这个文件，上面有我的名字。
And I almost lost my mind.
我几乎失去了理智。
How is it possible that you meet someone for the first time, and they have a story about you, a file with your name on it?
你怎么可能第一次见到某个人，他们就有关于你的故事，有一份写有你名字的文件？
On their computer.
在他们的电脑上。
Sarah Blust On their computer.
Sarah Blust 在他们的电脑上。
What is that?
那是什么？
Now I want to pause for a second because what I'm interested in is the stories people tell themselves.
现在我想暂停一下，因为我感兴趣的是人们告诉自己的故事。
So I want to map their stories at each stage.
所以我想描绘出他们每个阶段的故事。
For Dan, what had happened between him and Sarah the night before his graduation was very unambiguous.
对于丹来说，毕业前一天晚上他和莎拉之间发生的事情非常明确。
This was solid, one-night-stand territory.
这是一个坚实的、一夜情的领域。
Yes, he had asked for Sarah's last name.
是的，他问过莎拉的姓氏。
But it wasn't for particularly sentimental reasons.
但这并不是出于特别情感上的原因。
Was it just like, I have to be a gentleman, I should know both of the names of the women I sleep with?
是不是就像，我必须成为一名绅士，我应该知道和我睡过的女人的名字？
Or was it, I'm going to stalk her so last names would be helpful.
或者是，我要跟踪她，所以姓氏会有帮助。
I thought, maybe we can hang out again and--
我想，也许我们可以再次出去玩——
Exactly.
正是如此。
Alix Spiegel Sarah felt the exact same way.
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔·莎拉也有同样的感觉。
She thought, very reasonably, that Dan was incredibly young and had a lot of growing to do.
她非常合理地认为丹非常年轻，还有很多需要成长的地方。
So thank you, no thank you.
所以谢谢你，不，谢谢你。
Dan had post-graduation plans.
丹有毕业后的计划。
The kind of post-graduation plans parents approve of, about maybe going to medical school and becoming a doctor, and-- oh, yeah, that's right.
父母批准的那种毕业后计划，关于可能去医学院并成为一名医生，而且——哦，是的，没错。
He had a gig starting in the fall.
他从秋天开始就有一场演出。
Well, I was going to go into the Peace Corps and do public-health work.
嗯，我本来打算进入和平队并从事公共卫生工作。
I had been assigned to go to Central Asia.
我被指派去中亚。
I was.
我是。
I was very excited about that plan.
我对这个计划感到非常兴奋。
But on the car ride home, Dan started thinking about what had happened.
但在回家的路上，丹开始思考发生的事情。
Objectively, it was just crazy.
客观地说，这太疯狂了。
Dan only had scraps of information about this person, Sarah Blust, this person he had first imagined when he was a freshman, staring at her photo.
丹只有关于这个人的零碎信息，莎拉·布鲁斯特，这个他在大一时盯着她的照片第一次想象出来的人。
He knew that she was in public health, as was he, she was a good dancer, as was he.
他知道她和他一样身体健康，她和他一样都是一位出色的舞者。
And he took these scraps, and as we inevitably do, started weaving them into a story, a new story, one with an impressive series of coincidences that, when you stepped back, did look a lot like fate.
他拿起这些碎片，就像我们不可避免地做的那样，开始将它们编织成一个故事，一个新的故事，一个充满一系列令人印象深刻的巧合的故事，当你退后一步时，这些巧合看起来确实很像命运。
I remember there was this-- I remember that the sun was setting.
我记得有这样一件事——我记得太阳正在落山。
And I was driving into the sunset.
我正开车驶向夕阳。
And the thought just entered-- occurred to me.
我刚刚想到了这个想法。
I was like, I'm going the wrong way.
我当时想，我走错路了。
I need to drop out of the Peace Corps and move to New York.
我需要退出和平队并搬到纽约。
Yeah.
是的。
Alix Spiegel Now I don't want to seem like I'm judging Dan for changing the whole course of his life based on what was really pretty slim evidence plus one coincidence.
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔 现在，我不想让别人觉得我是在根据非常微弱的证据加上一个巧合来判断丹改变了他的整个人生轨迹。
I understand the lure of the story he was taken with.
我理解他被这个故事所吸引。
And I, myself, obsessively tell stories as a way to navigate the world.
而我自己，痴迷于讲故事，以此作为探索世界的一种方式。
I'm the queen of hopeful projection.
我是充满希望的女王。
This strange, feverish storytelling started when I was young, a habit I picked up in the practice room as a way to escape.
这种奇怪而狂热的故事讲述从我年轻的时候就开始了，这是我在练习室里养成的习惯，作为一种逃避的方式。
I would walk in little circles and make up stories about myself and other people.
我会绕着小圈走，编造关于我自己和其他人的故事。
In college, I did this almost every day.
在大学里，我几乎每天都这样做。
I'd walk in little circles for hours, usually until my legs ached.
我会绕着小圈走几个小时，通常直到我的腿疼痛为止。
Like Dan, I was extrapolating from what really happened to what I hoped would happen in the future.
和丹一样，我从实际发生的事情推断出我希望未来发生的事情。
Say I'd have some small encounter.
说我会有一些小遭遇。
Maybe a teacher would offer a kind word.
也许老师会说一句客气的话。
Maybe a boy would nod in my direction.
也许一个男孩会朝我的方向点头。
And my imagination would take it from there, build a whole life on those scraps.
我的想象力将从那里开始，在这些碎片上建立一个完整的生活。
In my mind, I'd visualize the look of the teacher as they offered me the selective internship that would lead to a dazzling career in public policy or law or, for a very brief period during my senior year, silk screening.
在我的脑海里，我会想象老师为我提供选择性实习机会时的样子，这将导致我在公共政策或法律领域或在我大四的一段非常短暂的时间内从事丝网印刷工作，从而获得令人眼花缭乱的职业生涯。
Of course, I always kept this little-circles habit secret from everyone.
当然，我一直对每个人都保守着这个小圈子的习惯。
I was aware it was not normal behavior.
我知道这不是正常行为。
The one person who knew about it was Sarah.
唯一知道这件事的人是莎拉。
When we lived together in college, she accidentally discovered it.
我们大学住在一起的时候，她无意中发现了这一点。
I was probably reading a book or doing some homework.
我可能正在读书或做作业。
And I heard this creak, creak, creak.
我听到了吱吱声，吱吱声，吱吱声。
And it was just over and over and over and over again.
这只是一遍又一遍、一遍又一遍。
And it took me a while to realize what it was.
我花了一段时间才意识到那是什么。
And then I realized it was you.
然后我意识到那是你。
But Sarah didn't seem to mind, didn't seem to think I was a freak at all.
但莎拉似乎并不介意，似乎根本不认为我是个怪胎。
In fact, the opposite.
事实上，恰恰相反。
I don't know, personally, I found it really endearing.
我不知道，就我个人而言，我觉得它真的很可爱。
Yeah.
是的。
Thing is, as I've gotten older, I've grown more wary of this kind of storytelling, conscious of how often the stories we tell ourselves lead us down the wrong path.
事实是，随着年龄的增长，我对这种讲故事的方式越来越警惕，意识到我们给自己讲的故事经常会把我们引向错误的道路。
I remember that the sun was setting.
我记得太阳已经落山了。
And I was driving into the sunset.
我正开车驶向夕阳。
And the thought just entered-- occurred to me.
我刚刚想到了这个想法。
I was like, I'm going the wrong way.
我当时想，我走错路了。
What happened with Dan and Sarah, the wild serendipity of it, gave it the silhouette of one of the most popular stories in American life, the fated love story.
丹和莎拉身上发生的事情，这种疯狂的机缘，勾画出了美国生活中最受欢迎的故事之一——命中注定的爱情故事。
I think the fated love story, and the idea that romantic love is the one relationship that can fulfill you, has a unique weight and primacy.
我认为命中注定的爱情故事，以及浪漫的爱情是唯一能让你满足的关系这一理念，具有独特的分量和首要性。
It's the kind of story that displaces other stories, easily sweeps them aside, which is what happened with Dan.
这是一种取代其他故事的故事，很容易将它们扫到一边，这就是丹身上发生的事情。
He dropped out of the Peace Corps, drove to New York, and instead of working in public health, got a job at the Stereo Exchange in Manhattan.
他退出了和平队，开车去了纽约，没有从事公共卫生工作，而是在曼哈顿的立体声交易所找到了一份工作。
On his way to this unglamorous new life, he wrote Sarah an email, framing his new plan in the most casual, non-threatening, just happened to be dropping everything and moving to your city way possible.
在走向这种乏味的新生活的路上，他给莎拉写了一封电子邮件，以最随意、最不具有威胁性的方式制定了他的新计划，只是碰巧放弃了一切，尽可能地搬到了你所在的城市。
Sarah responded with, whoa, that's a lot.
莎拉回答说，哇，太多了。
Not sure about that.
对此不太确定。
Dan then responded, understand.
丹随即回应道，明白。
Seems reasonable.
看起来很合理。
I'm aware I don't really know you.
我知道我并不真正了解你。
All I'm saying is that we should go on some dates.
我想说的是我们应该去约会。
See what happens.
看看会发生什么。
Sarah told me about all of this at the time.
莎拉当时告诉了我这一切。
And honestly, I was pro.
老实说，我是职业选手。
She'd had a string of boyfriends who didn't seem like good partner material.
她有过很多男朋友，但他们似乎都不是很好的伴侣。
And I could tell right away that Dan was solid, which from the perspective of the anxious friend, was a relief.
我立刻就看出丹很坚强，从焦虑的朋友的角度来看，这是一种解脱。
Sarah also saw that Dan was a good guy with good values.
莎拉也看到丹是一个有良好价值观的好人。
And she thought he was fun.
而且她觉得他很有趣。
But she obviously had real reservations.
但她显然确实有所保留。
I liked him a lot.
我非常喜欢他。
I felt like there was this really incredible connection.
我觉得这确实是一种不可思议的联系。
But I was also terrified that I had this responsibility for changing someone's life so drastically.
但我也很害怕我有责任如此彻底地改变某人的生活。
Did it feel like he was actually seeing you?
感觉他真的在见你吗？
Or did you feel like, you don't even know who I-- this is just a projection?
或者你是否觉得，你甚至不知道我是谁——这只是一个投影？
I think it was both.
我认为两者都是。
I think it was both.
我认为两者都是。
Yeah, I think I thought that he didn't really know what he was getting into.
是的，我想我认为他并不真正知道自己在做什么。
Particularly, what he was getting into in one significant way.
特别是他正在以一种重要的方式进入的领域。
Sarah was past 30 and was very clear she wanted children.
莎拉已经 30 多岁了，她非常清楚自己想要孩子。
I was in this moment of thinking about kids, I suppose.
我想我此时此刻正在考虑孩子们。
And so I had-- I couldn't believe that I could enter into a relationship with someone just coming out of college.
所以我——我不敢相信我能和一个刚从大学毕业的人建立关系。
But there was a real understanding that the two of us had with each other.
但我们两个人之间有着真正的理解。
Dan hadn't been planning on having kids so early.
丹并没有这么早就计划要孩子。
But he had been planning on having kids.
但他一直在计划要孩子。
And he felt like the most important thing was to find the right partner.
他觉得最重要的是找到合适的合作伙伴。
And if that turned out to be Sarah, he was game.
如果那是莎拉，他就愿意。
So they decided to go on some dates.
所以他们决定去约会。
Their first was a bar in Red Hook that Sarah picked.
他们的第一家酒吧是莎拉挑选的位于雷德胡克的一家酒吧。
Then there was the date at the roller rink, where Dan broke out what they both agree were truly killer moves.
然后是在溜冰场的约会，丹展示了他们都认为真正的杀手锏。
They had this comfortable vibe.
他们有这种舒适的氛围。
And it was really easy to talk.
而且真的很容易说话。
Really, there was just one problem with this whole situation for Dan.
确实，对于丹来说，整个情况只有一个问题。
You see, Sarah Blust, like the rest of us, was nursing her own romantic story.
你看，莎拉·布鲁斯特和我们其他人一样，正在酝酿她自己的浪漫故事。
And the other person she was imagining didn't look anything like Dan because her hopes centered so squarely on music.
她想象中的另一个人看起来一点也不像丹，因为她的希望完全集中在音乐上。
Music has always been critical to Sarah.
音乐对莎拉来说一直至关重要。
She plays the drums, but also guitar, and sings.
她会打鼓，也会弹吉他，还会唱歌。
In fact, music is what brought us together.
事实上，音乐让我们走到了一起。
Our first year of college, we founded an alternative girl band called Succubus, which played all four years.
大学第一年，我们成立了一支名为“Succubus”的另类女子乐队，该乐队演奏了四年。
After college, Sarah went on to other bands, many, because music just lights Sarah up.
大学毕业后，莎拉加入了很多其他乐队，因为音乐让莎拉兴奋不已。
In your mind, at that time, what was the romantic fantasy that you were imagining?
在你的心里，当时所幻想的浪漫幻想是什么？
Oh, it was so sparkly.
哦，原来是这么闪闪发光。
Being in a band with someone that I loved and play amazing music, and that we would just have this incredible, creative life together.
与我所爱的人一起在一支乐队中演奏美妙的音乐，我们将一起度过令人难以置信的创意生活。
This, of course, is a common romantic fantasy which, like Dan's, "we are fated for each other" fantasy, doesn't always work out well.
当然，这是一种常见的浪漫幻想，就像丹的“我们命中注定”的幻想一样，并不总是奏效。
Unfortunately, for Dan's version of the fantasy, one day, several months after his arrival, Sarah Blust went to a concert, the show of a moderately famous indie band she'd long admired.
不幸的是，对于丹的幻想版本来说，有一天，在他到达几个月后，莎拉·布鲁斯特去参加了一场音乐会，这是她长期以来钦佩的一个颇有名气的独立乐队的演出。
And the drummer became quite smitten with Sarah, as she was with him.
鼓手对莎拉非常着迷，就像她对他一样。
And he pulled me in to a community that I was in awe of, I guess.
我猜他把我拉进了一个令我敬畏的社区。
I was really starstruck.
我真的很追星。
Poor Dan didn't stand a chance.
可怜的丹没有机会。
He was science, not music.
他是科学，而不是音乐。
And the new guy, the drummer, in addition to being closer in age to Sarah, he was just as enthusiastic about their coming future.
新来的鼓手除了年龄与莎拉更接近外，他对他们即将到来的未来也同样充满热情。
He was very much like, we're going to make this happen.
他非常喜欢，我们会让这一切发生。
He lived in Philadelphia at the time.
他当时住在费城。
Did he moved to New York to be with you too?
他也搬到纽约和你在一起吗？
Yes.
是的。
Alix Spiegel Oh, my god.
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔 噢，天啊。
Are you fucking kidding me?
你他妈是在开玩笑吗？
No. He moved to New York.
不，他搬到了纽约。
And he moved in with me.
然后他搬来和我住在一起。
Oh, shit.
妈的。
I totally somehow missed that.
我完全错过了这一点。
Wait a second.
等一下。
So you had two people moved to New York for you?
所以你有两个人帮你搬到纽约了？
I guess so.
大概吧。
Alix Spiegel How come nobody ever moves to New York for me?
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔 为什么没有人为我搬到纽约？
[LAUGHTER] Put it another way, why do I never end up on a pirate ship in the middle of the Hudson River?
[笑声] 换句话说，为什么我从来没有登上哈德逊河中部的海盗船？
In the interest of journalistic transparency, I will tell you that I was extremely and correctly anti drummer from the beginning.
为了新闻透明度，我会告诉你，我从一开始就极端而正确地反对鼓手。
I was firmly team Dan.
我坚定地是丹队的一员。
I made this case to Sarah repeatedly, as is my practice.
我一再向莎拉提出这个问题，这是我的惯例。
But in that moment, she was too taken by the story that she carried in her head.
但那一刻，她被脑海中的故事所吸引。
--kind of musician partner that I was supposed to be with, that was just getting in the way of me appreciating Dan.
——我应该和这样的音乐家搭档在一起，但这只是妨碍了我欣赏丹。
Yeah.
是的。
I guess I just wasn't feeling it.
我想我只是没有感觉到。
I guess I just wasn't feeling it.
我想我只是没有感觉到。
I just remember there was a fading out.
我只记得有一个淡出。
I think she had a boy-- she got a-- had a boyfriend.
我认为她有一个男孩——她有一个——男朋友。
That made it pretty clear.
这已经很清楚了。
After about a year of hanging out on the sidelines, Dan gave up and moved on.
在场边闲逛了大约一年后，丹放弃了，继续前进。
Eventually he did become a doctor.
最终他确实成为了一名医生。
Today he's a professor of medicine.
今天他是一名医学教授。
He specializes in HIV and AIDS.
他专门研究艾滋病毒和艾滋病。
20 years on, it's clear that the story he constructed on his ride home from college wasn't true.
20 年后，很明显他在从大学回家的路上编造的故事并不真实。
But he says, in that story, he discovered a useful lesson that he carried forward, and that shaped, he says, his behavior when he finally met his wife.
但他说，在那个故事中，他发现了一个有用的教训，并将其发扬光大，他说，这塑造了他最终见到妻子时的行为。
I think part of what I had learned from my experience with Sarah was that you can build this whole fantasy world about someone, have these romantic ideas.
我认为我从与莎拉的经历中学到的一部分是，你可以建立一个关于某人的整个幻想世界，拥有这些浪漫的想法。
And then reality can be very different.
然后现实可能会大不相同。
And I think that was something I had learned, and learned to be cautious of in myself.
我认为这是我学到的东西，并且学会了对自己保持谨慎。
Do you ever think of Sarah?
你有没有想过莎拉？
Do you ever think, oh, maybe that could have worked under slightly different circumstances?
你有没有想过，哦，也许在稍微不同的情况下这可能会起作用？
As for Sarah, like Dan, she's married and has a beautiful kid, with the same red hair and joy as his mother.
至于莎拉，和丹一样，她已经结婚了，有一个漂亮的孩子，和他母亲一样有红头发和快乐。
But she'll tell you, straight up, that there were moments during her single life when she really regretted that she didn't see the great person standing in front of her.
但她会直截了当地告诉你，在她的单身生活中，有些时候她真的很遗憾没有看到站在她面前的伟大人物。
She says she saw Dan as this 23-year-old kid, but now feels like he was actually probably more mature than she was.
她说她认为丹是一个 23 岁的孩子，但现在觉得他实际上可能比她更成熟。
In fact, she's kind of like the Sarah Blust in the story that Dan wrote before they met.
事实上，她有点像丹在他们相遇之前写的故事中的莎拉·布鲁斯特。
That Sarah Blust didn't end up with the guy from Keep, but every once in a while, remembers him.
莎拉·布鲁斯特最终没有和Keep里的那个人在一起，但每隔一段时间，她就会想起他。
What's the thing that you learned from this?
你从中学到了什么？
Or what is the-- yeah.
或者是什么——是的。
Well, I think that when you're presented, in life, with something that seems like a gift, even if you have other preconceived notions, maybe you're wrong.
嗯，我认为，当你在生活中收到一些看似礼物的东西时，即使你有其他先入为主的观念，也许你是错的。
The story that I was telling myself about who my perfect partner should be or would be, that wasn't really a story that was helpful to me.
我告诉自己关于我的完美伴侣应该是谁或将会是谁的故事，这并不是一个真正对我有帮助的故事。
I guess that's the cue for sad music to play.
我想这就是播放悲伤音乐的暗示。
But on the other hand, isn't that also a story that might not be true?
但另一方面，这不也是一个可能不真实的故事吗？
Maybe if Sarah had chosen Dan, I'd be here telling you a different version, one where Dan, confronted with the reality of actual babies in his 20s, bolts the scene.
也许如果莎拉选择了丹，我会在这里告诉你一个不同的版本，在这个版本中，丹面对着20多岁的真实婴儿的现实，逃离了现场。
That's the whole damn thing about stories though, isn't it?
但这就是故事的全部内容，不是吗？
You can never tell if one is true or not.
你永远无法判断一个人是否真实。
And there's always a new one beckoning.
而且总有新的事物在召唤。
But here's the thing.
但事情是这样的。
I am the one who is telling this story.
我就是讲述这个故事的人。
So I can tell it however I want.
所以我可以随心所欲地讲述它。
And I don't want to end it with a sad soundtrack because as Sarah would tell you, she doesn't feel sad.
我不想以悲伤的配乐结束它，因为正如莎拉会告诉你的那样，她并不感到悲伤。
Sarah's soundtrack is punk and pop and marching bands and lullabies and sure, some sad core.
莎拉的配乐是朋克、流行、行进乐队和摇篮曲，当然还有一些悲伤的核心。
But every life has some sad core.
但每个生命都有一些悲伤的核心。
Speaking of music, I'll leave you with this, a song from the back catalog of Succubus, the band Sarah and I started our freshman year.
说到音乐，我要给大家讲一下这首歌，这是我和莎拉在大一开始的乐队魅魔 (Succubus) 旧目录中的一首歌。
She played the drums with her eyes closed.
她闭着眼睛打鼓。
I played a green electric guitar.
我弹了一把绿色电吉他。
Together, we blazed a trail of punk-rock glory across North Central Ohio.
我们一起在俄亥俄州中北部开辟了朋克摇滚辉煌之路。
Alix Spiegel, she's a producer on our show.
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔，她是我们节目的制片人。
Coming up, strangers come into your house, look at all your stuff, size you up.
接下来，陌生人会走进你的房子，查看你所有的东西，打量你。
They think they know you.
他们认为他们认识你。
How close can they get?
他们能有多接近？
That's in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio, when our program continues.
稍后，芝加哥公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Lilly Sullivan, sitting in for Ira Glass.
我是莉莉·沙利文，代理艾拉·格拉斯。
Our show today, The Lives of Others, stories about when you find yourself thinking about people you barely know or don't know at all.
我们今天的节目《他人的生活》讲述了当你发现自己在思考那些你几乎不认识或根本不认识的人时的故事。
In putting together this week's show, I was thinking a lot about the film, The Lives of Others, a movie about East Berlin before the fall of the Berlin Wall.
在整理本周的节目时，我对电影《他人的生活》思考了很多，这是一部关于柏林墙倒塌之前的东柏林的电影。
It's about a Stasi agent, whose job it is to spy on a playwright.
这是关于一名史塔西特工的故事，他的工作是监视剧作家。
[SPEAKING GERMAN].
[说德语]。
Lilly Sullivan For most of it, you watch the Stasi agent, whose life is bare, austere, alone, as he listens in on the life of this playwright, whose life is full of art, beauty, sadness.
莉莉·沙利文 (Lilly Sullivan) 大部分时间里，你会看到斯塔西特工的生活是赤裸、简朴、孤独的，而他则倾听这位剧作家的生活，他的生活充满了艺术、美丽和悲伤。
You watch the agent, in headphones, eavesdropping on the apartment he's bugged.
你看到特工戴着耳机，窃听他被窃听的公寓。
He reads the book the playwright reads, listens to the most personal conversations with his girlfriend.
他读剧作家读的书，听他和女友最私人的谈话。
And he starts to become moved by the playwright's life.
他开始被剧作家的生活所感动。
The agent, who you always see listening in alone, in a dark room, comes to care for the writer, to the point where he eventually tries to protect him.
你总是看到特工在黑暗的房间里独自聆听，他开始关心作家，甚至最终试图保护他。
What I remember most about the film is the ache, the sense of longing, and the distances there always are between people.
这部电影给我印象最深的是痛苦、渴望感，以及人与人之间始终存在的距离。
But then there are these moments where there can be this portal of emotion from your life to someone else's.
但在某些时刻，你的生活中的情感可能会转移到别人的生活中。
There are other jobs where thinking about someone else's life is just built into it.
还有一些工作就是要考虑别人的生活。
We're wondering what that's like in jobs with much lower stakes than being a government spy, like pet sitting That's what act Three's about.
我们想知道比政府间谍风险低得多的工作是什么样的，比如照顾宠物，这就是第三幕的内容。
One of our other producers here, Aviva DeKornfeld, realized pet sitting is a job just like that.
我们的另一位制作人 Aviva DeKornfeld 意识到宠物护理就是这样的一份工作。
She talked to a dozen pet sitters, who confirmed it, and has this story about two of them.
她与十几个宠物保姆交谈，他们证实了这一点，并讲述了其中两个的故事。
We're calling this act, If These Dogs Could Talk.
我们把这个行为称为“如果这些狗会说话”。
Here's Aviva.
这是英杰华。
With most jobs, you have some sort of relationship with the person you work for.
对于大多数工作，您与您的雇主都有某种关系。
You see them in the office or wherever it is you work.
您在办公室或您工作的任何地方都可以看到它们。
But pet sitting is one of the few jobs where you're only there if the other person isn't there.
但宠物看护是为数不多的只有在别人不在场时你才在场的工作之一。
The job is to cosplay as the pet owner.
工作是扮演宠物主人。
Yeah, most of them have me sleep in their beds because they want the routine of, wherever the dogs sleep, they want me to sleep with them.
是的，他们中的大多数人让我睡在他们的床上，因为他们想要这样的惯例，无论狗睡在哪里，他们都希望我和他们一起睡。
So I'm sleeping in their beds, in their bedroom.
所以我睡在他们的床上、他们的卧室里。
I'm cooking in their kitchen.
我在他们的厨房做饭。
I'm messing with all the algorithms on their streaming services.
我正在搞乱他们流媒体服务上的所有算法。
This is L.
这是L。
She started pet sitting a couple of years ago.
几年前，她开始照顾宠物。
And she made a point to tell me she never snoops.
她特意告诉我她从不窥探。
In fact, she asks people to leave everything she'll need out on the counter so she doesn't have to go looking for anything.
事实上，她要求人们把她需要的所有东西都放在柜台上，这样她就不必去寻找任何东西。
But even without snooping, so much of the pet owners private life is so nakedly on display, what they watch on Netflix, what they have on their fridge.
但即使没有窥探，宠物主人的很多私生活也会被赤裸裸地展示出来，比如他们在 Netflix 上观看的内容、冰箱里的东西。
You can't help but glean bits of information about the person you're standing in for.
你会情不自禁地收集一些关于你所代表的人的信息。
There's a young couple.
有一对年轻夫妇。
And I think they want to read.
我认为他们想读书。
They always have the book on both nightstands.
他们的两个床头柜上总是放着这本书。
But I've never seen either bookmark move.
但我从未见过任何一个书签移动。
And sometimes the stack of books get higher.
有时书堆会变得更高。
But they never go lower.
但他们永远不会降低。
L ambiently wonders about all her clients.
L 常常想知道她所有的客户。
Mostly she's in it for the dogs.
她主要是为了狗。
But there was one client, in particular, that she found herself thinking about because her house felt different than the others.
但她发现自己特别想念一位客户，因为她的房子感觉与其他房子不同。
There were two huge gaming setups so it looked like they either gamed next to each other or with each other.
有两个巨大的游戏设置，因此看起来它们要么相邻游戏，要么彼此一起游戏。
It just felt very copacetic.
感觉非常舒适。
It felt like they really were suited for each other.
感觉他们真的很适合彼此。
This togetherness, side-by-side gaming, is not typical.
这种团结、并肩的游戏并不典型。
L sat for another couple, where the guy had his music room, the woman, and her crafting table, very separate hobbies.
L 坐在另一对夫妇的座位上，男的有他的音乐室，女的有她的工作台，有着截然不同的爱好。
That's way more common, she says.
她说，这种情况更常见。
L also like how much this couple seemed to prioritize comfort.
我也喜欢这对夫妇似乎非常重视舒适度。
Their sofa was basically just giant pillows, down pillows.
他们的沙发基本上就是巨大的枕头、羽绒枕。
So it was just like basically a giant bed.
所以它基本上就像一张巨大的床。
And for me, I was like, oh, that just felt really romantic.
对我来说，我想，哦，那感觉真的很浪漫。
They couldn't help but melt into each other.
他们情不自禁地融为一体。
Just to be clear, L's never met the husband, never seen the two of them together.
需要澄清的是，L 从未见过她的丈夫，也从未见过他们两个在一起。
She has no idea what they're like as a couple.
她不知道他们夫妻之间是什么样的。
But she'd like to imagine them sitting on their big, comfy couch, chatting agreeably, deciding what they wanted to do that day.
但她想想象他们坐在舒适的大沙发上，愉快地聊天，决定当天要做什么。
In L's imagination, arriving at a decision was always easy for them.
在L的想象中，做出决定对他们来说总是很容易的。
I don't know.
我不知道。
It just felt like they agreed on things a lot.
感觉他们在很多事情上达成了一致。
And again, I have no proof of that whatsoever.
再说一次，我没有任何证据证明这一点。
But for me, that's what-- it just seemed like they would look at each other and be like, hey, do you want to do this?
但对我来说，那就是——他们似乎会互相看着对方，然后说，嘿，你想这样做吗？
And it's like, yes.
就像，是的。
And it was just known by both parties.
而且这件事也是双方都知道的。
Did you ever feel jealous of their relationship?
你有没有嫉妒过他们的关系？
Oh, definitely.
哦，当然。
But this was also right after my divorce.
但这也是我离婚后不久的事。
And my ex-husband and I had very different interests.
我和我的前夫有非常不同的兴趣。
(LAUGHING) My ex left me for a Pilates instructor.
（笑）我的前任离开我去当普拉提教练。
Oh, god.
哦，上帝。
L And I'm not a Pilates gal.
L 我不是普拉提女孩。
So I think for me, it was seeing this couple-- and to be honest, they kind of looked more like me, plus sized.
所以我认为对我来说，是看到这对夫妇——说实话，他们看起来更像我，而且体型更大。
And when she had met with me, and she told me about how they'd been together for like 15 years and met in college-- and so for me, it was just, oh, these people found their person.
当她与我见面时，她告诉我他们是如何在一起 15 年并在大学里认识的——所以对我来说，这只是，哦，这些人找到了自己的人。
L started dog sitting for this couple about a month after her marriage fell apart.
婚姻破裂大约一个月后，L 开始为这对夫妇看护狗。
Her ex-husband was a real plastic-on-the-furniture kind of person, definitely not into comfort.
她的前夫是一个真正喜欢在家具上贴塑料的人，绝对不喜欢舒适。
She said he never relaxed.
她说他从来没有放松过。
And for me, the idea of lounging and just relaxing and melting into someone-- yeah, that was definitely something I really craved, especially coming out of that relationship.
对我来说，闲逛、放松、融入某人的想法——是的，这绝对是我真正渴望的东西，尤其是从这段关系中走出来。
L would spend days alone in this couple's house, on her own for the first time in over 10 years, like she was in some strange, on-set audition for a life she hoped to have for herself one day.
L会独自在这对夫妇的家里度过几天，这是十多年来第一次独自一人，就像她正在参加一些奇怪的现场试镜，以期有一天她能拥有属于自己的生活。
One day, just as L was about to head over to the couple's house to dog sit, she got a text.
有一天，正当 L 准备去这对夫妇家遛狗时，她收到了一条短信。
And it was from an unknown number-- because I had never dealt with the husband.
而且是一个未知号码打来的——因为我从来没有和那个丈夫打过交道。
And it just said, we no longer need you.
它只是说，我们不再需要你了。
We'll still pay you for the week.
我们仍然会支付你一周的工资。
And that was it.
就是这样。
And it was weird to me because he had never-- he and I had never spoken.
这对我来说很奇怪，因为他和我从来没有说过话。
It was always me and the wife.
总是我和妻子。
So to hear from him was odd in general.
所以总的来说，听到他的消息很奇怪。
But then I was just so curt and done.
但后来我就这么简短地完成了。
So what did you think when you got his text?
那么，当你收到他的短信时，你有什么想法？
My mind started racing because I was like, well, is this-- did someone end up in a car accident?
我的思绪开始飞速运转，因为我想，好吧，这是——有人出了车祸吗？
Did something really bad happen?
难道真的发生了什么不好的事情吗？
And again, I wasn't going to press because again, it's none of my business.
再说一遍，我不打算催促，因为这不关我的事。
I'm just the help.
我只是一个帮助者。
But I definitely was wondering if-- what happened to make them stop this vacation?
但我确实想知道是否——发生了什么让他们停止这个假期？
Because she was on a work trip.
因为她正在出差。
She was at a conference.
她正在参加一个会议。
And he was going to meet her in that city.
他要去那个城市遇见她。
I forget what city it was.
我忘了那是哪个城市了。
So my gut tells me this that it was an affair.
所以我的直觉告诉我这是一场外遇。
But that was just me, completely making that up.
但这只是我自己编造的。
Part of me wanted to reach out to her.
我的一部分想要联系她。
But I was like, that's really inappropriate.
但我当时想，这真的不合适。
I don't know her.
我不认识她。
L, of course, recognizes that when big things happen in your life, the dog sitter is not at the top of the list of people to fill in.
当然，L 认识到，当你的生活中发生大事时，狗保姆并不是最需要填补的人选。
This couple barely knew her.
这对夫妇几乎不认识她。
In fact, if she was doing her job right, when the couple came back home, there'd be no trace of her at all.
事实上，如果她做得好的话，当这对夫妇回到家时，根本就不会发现她的踪迹。
Months passed.
几个月过去了。
And she didn't hear from them.
但她没有收到他们的消息。
When Christmas rolled around, she sent the a holiday card, like she does with all her clients.
当圣诞节到来时，她寄了一张节日贺卡，就像她对所有客户所做的那样。
The card was returned to sender.
该卡已退还给发件人。
I'm not going to say I was hurt by it because that's too far.
我不会说我因此受到伤害，因为那太远了。
But it made me a little sad.
但这让我有点难过。
And I'd really love them to still be together.
我真的很希望他们仍然在一起。
I want the whole family to be intact.
我希望整个家庭都完好无损。
I wanted to reach out to the couple to find out if L was right, if they really did get divorced.
我想联系这对夫妇，看看L是否正确，他们是否真的离婚了。
But L, reasonably, didn't want me to reach out.
但 L 按理说不想让我伸出援手。
It felt like too much of an invasion of their privacy.
这感觉太侵犯了他们的隐私。
And I realized not knowing the real answer, that's actually truer to how these things go.
我意识到不知道真正的答案，这实际上更符合这些事情的发展方式。
You wonder about people.
你对人感到好奇。
You try to imagine their lives.
你试着想象他们的生活。
And mostly, you don't get to know.
大多数情况下，你不会知道。
For so many of the pet sitters I talked to, the things from the pet owners lives that got to them and stuck with them were things they wanted for themselves.
对于我采访过的许多宠物保姆来说，宠物主人生活中那些接触到他们并让他们难以忘怀的东西是他们自己想要的东西。
That was true for L.
对于 L 来说也是如此。
It's also the case for this other pet sitter I talked to, Peri, in a very different way.
与我交谈过的另一位宠物保姆佩里（Peri）也是如此，但方式却截然不同。
Here are some things to know about Peri.
以下是有关佩里的一些信息。
She's 29.
她29岁了。
She's an acupuncture student.
她是一名针灸专业的学生。
And a few months ago, she started pet sitting for a grieving family.
几个月前，她开始为一个悲伤的家庭看护宠物。
The dad of the family had just died.
家里的父亲刚刚去世。
I literally met and went over things with their family about their pugs and their parrot a few days after their funeral.
在他们葬礼后几天，我确实见到了他们的家人，并讨论了他们的哈巴狗和鹦鹉的事情。
So I'm filling in for him in the grieving period.
所以我在他悲伤的时候代替他。
Peri's lost three close family members over the past few years.
佩里在过去几年中失去了三名亲密的家庭成员。
So in a way, she felt like the exact right person to pet sit for this family.
所以在某种程度上，她觉得自己是这个家庭的最佳宠物保姆人选。
She knew how to be there for them while they were in the thick of it.
当他们身处困境时，她知道如何在他们身边。
The family had been a family of four, a mom and dad in their 50s and two grown kids in their 20's, one at college, the other still living at home.
这个家庭有四口之家，一对50多岁的父母，还有两个20多岁的成年孩子，一个在上大学，另一个还住在家里。
The mom and dad had always walked the two pugs together.
爸爸妈妈总是一起遛这两只哈巴狗。
After he died, the mom had tried taking the dogs out herself, but told Peri she felt a stabbing pain whenever she did.
他死后，母亲曾尝试亲自带狗出去，但她告诉佩里，每当她这样做时，她都会感到刺痛。
So Peri started walking the pugs five days a week, which meant she was always in and out of their house.
于是佩里开始每周遛哈巴狗五天，这意味着她总是进出他们的房子。
I haven't met the dad, but I'm seeing a negative of him in his own life, his house and his yard that-- apparently he designed the whole thing-- and animals and the kids and all the pictures and stuff.
我没有见过他的父亲，但我在他自己的生活中看到了他的负面形象，他的房子和院子——显然这一切都是他设计的——还有动物和孩子以及所有的图片和东西。
And--
还有——
Like you can almost see the shape of him because the absence is so clear?
就像你几乎可以看到他的形状，因为缺席是如此清晰？
Exactly.
确切地。
He's there even if he's not there.
即使他不在那里，他也在那里。
Peri started noticing that she would think about the dad while she worked.
佩里开始注意到她在工作时会想起父亲。
When she'd take the pugs for a walk, she'd think, what was it like for him to walk the pugs?
当她带着哈巴狗散步时，她会想，他遛哈巴狗是什么感觉？
How did he react when they barked at all the other dogs?
当它们向其他狗吠叫时，他有何反应？
When she'd greet neighbors, who clearly recognized the pugs, she'd think, they must know why I'm here, walking them.
当她向邻居打招呼时，他们清楚地认出了这些哈巴狗，她想，他们一定知道我为什么在这里遛它们。
It must be strange to see the wrong person holding the leash.
看到错误的人牵着皮带一定很奇怪。
One afternoon, Peri couldn't make it over to walk the dogs.
一天下午，佩里没能过来遛狗。
She'd misplaced her phone.
她的手机不见了。
So she hopped on Facebook to find the mom's profile, to send her a message there, to let her know.
于是她在 Facebook 上找到了这位妈妈的个人资料，并在那里给她发了一条消息，让她知道。
On Facebook was, obviously, pictures of her and the family.
脸书上显然有她和家人的照片。
And there's a picture of him in their front yard, with the dogs, leashed up, like they're about to go on a walk together.
还有一张他在他们前院的照片，狗被拴着，就像他们要一起去散步一样。
And it's something that you know but you don't-- if you imagine something, it's not the same as seeing it.
这是一些你知道但你不知道的东西——如果你想象某件事，它和看到它是不一样的。
And so it makes it more real.
所以它使它更加真实。
And it feels like oh, that must have been an important part of his life.
感觉就像哦，那一定是他生活中的重要组成部分。
He was smiling and-- ooh, that's the dogs that I walk every day.
他微笑着——哦，那是我每天遛的狗。
And that's the person who used to walk them.
那就是那个曾经遛过它们的人。
It's weird how something you see in someone else's life can totally turn you around.
奇怪的是，你在别人的生活中看到的一些东西却能让你彻底改变。
About a month ago, Peri had a moment like this, that she still thinks about.
大约一个月前，佩里经历过这样的时刻，至今她仍回味无穷。
They were all making crawfish in the kitchen.
他们都在厨房里做小龙虾。
And I was letting the dogs back in.
我让狗回来了。
And I was like-- it was just this perfect little family scene.
我当时想——这就是一个完美的小家庭场景。
And then the dad's not there.
然后爸爸就不在了。
But you picture how he would have fit into that little scene because you just get this little snippet of their life like that.
但你可以想象他会如何融入那个小场景，因为你只是得到了他们生活中的这一小片段。
And--
还有——
How do you picture he might have fit in?
你认为他会如何适应？
I don't know.
我不知道。
I feel emotional thinking about that.
想到这一点我感到很激动。
(CRYING) I don't-- I don't know.
（哭泣）我不——我不知道。
How come it makes you emotional, you think?
你想，为什么它会让你情绪激动呢？
For the fourth time in four years, Peri lost someone close to her.
这是佩里四年来第四次失去了一个亲近的人。
She was thrown back into that awful, early phase of grief, when everything feels hazy.
当一切都变得模糊时，她又陷入了可怕的早期悲伤阶段。
The night of the crawfish dinner was right after her grandpa died.
吃小龙虾的那天晚上，正是她爷爷去世后不久。
And Peri said she felt like she was floating, dissociated, just trying to get through it and get back for her grandpa's funeral the next day.
佩里说，她感觉自己漂浮在空中，与世隔绝，只是想度过难关，第二天回来参加祖父的葬礼。
I think the reason that it stands out in my memory is because just seeing them as a family there, and just having fun together after the other times that I'd seen them all together, they were a little bit more somber.
我想它之所以在我的记忆中脱颖而出，是因为在我看到他们在一起的其他几次之后，只是把他们当作一家人，在一起玩得很开心，他们就变得更加忧郁了。
And it's just-- when you go through a grief period, and then when you come out of it, you don't realize it when you're coming out of it.
只是当你经历悲伤期，然后当你走出悲伤期时，你并没有意识到这一点。
For Peri, who was just starting to grieve her grandfather, it was comforting to see the family begin to emerge out the other side.
对于佩里来说，她刚刚开始哀悼她的祖父，看到家人开始从另一边出现，她感到很欣慰。
It wasn't within reach for her just yet.
对于她来说，这还不是遥不可及的事情。
But it was nice to know it was there.
但很高兴知道它在那里。
Aviva DeKornfeld is one of the producers of our show.
Aviva DeKornfeld 是我们节目的制作人之一。
Our program today was produced by Aviva DeKornfeld and me.
我们今天的节目是由 Aviva DeKornfeld 和我制作的。
The people who put our show together today include Phia Benin, Dana Chivvis, Sean Cole, Michael Comite, Bethel Habte, Cassie Howley, Chana Joffe-Walt, Seth Lind, Tobin Low, Alaa Mostafa, Stowe Nelson, Katherine Rae Mondo, Nadia Reiman, Ryan Rumery, Alissa Shipp, Laura Starcheski, Christopher Swetala, Matt Tierney, Nancy Updike, and Diane Wu.
今天节目的制作人包括 Phia Benin、Dana Chivvis、Sean Cole、Michael Comite、Bethel Habte、Cassie Howley、Chana Joffe-Walt、Seth Lind、Tobin Low、Alaa Mostafa、Stowe Nelson、Katherine Rae Mondo、Nadia Reiman、Ryan Rumery、Alissa Shipp、Laura Starcheski、Christopher Swetala、Matt Tierney、Nancy厄普代克和黛安·吴。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Our senior editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的高级编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
Today is the last day for our office coordinator, Charlotte Sleeper.
今天是我们办公室协调员夏洛特·斯利珀 (Charlotte Sleeper) 的最后一天。
She is off to New Zealand.
她要去新西兰了。
And I'll miss her.
我会想念她的。
Special thanks today to Ben Calhoun, Mary Fuller, Mitch Harris, John Paul Brammer, Levi Vonk, and Kasia Thomas.
今天特别感谢本·卡尔霍恩、玛丽·富勒、米奇·哈里斯、约翰·保罗·布拉默、利维·冯克和卡西亚·托马斯。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org, where you can stream our archive of over 700 episodes for absolutely free.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中完全免费地观看我们的 700 多集档案。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thank you to our show's regular host, Mr. Ira Glass.
感谢我们节目的常任主持人 Ira Glass 先生。
If I've told him once, I've told him 100 times.
如果我告诉过他一次，我就已经告诉过他一百次了。
Do not help me with my crossword.
不要帮我填字游戏。
Today, I was trying to figure out a clue, '90s dram-com with James Van Der Beek.
今天，我试图找出一条线索，詹姆斯·范德比克 (James Van Der Beek) 主演的 90 年代戏剧。
It was driving me crazy.
这让我发疯。
What was it, Dawson's something?
那是什么，道森的东西？
Dawson's Landing?
道森登陆？
And I heard him.
我听到了他的声音。
Creek.
溪。
Creek.
溪。
Creek.
溪。
I'm Lilly Sullivan.
我是莉莉·沙利文。
We'll be back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。