796: What Lies Beneath - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #796 | April 14, 2023 796: What Lies Beneath Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 796 集 | 2023 年 4 月 14 日 796：背后隐藏着什么 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass OK, before you can understand how Bob's sister became the talk of the third grade and the big day that led to that people still remember, I need to explain first that Bob's sister is a drawing.
序言：序言 Ira Glass 好吧，在你了解鲍勃的妹妹如何成为三年级的话题以及导致人们仍然记得的重要日子之前，我需要首先解释一下鲍勃的妹妹是一幅画。
The teacher in this third grade class, Mr. Ablao, spotted it one day while teaching math.
有一天，三年级班的老师阿布劳先生在教数学时发现了这一点。
He saw one of the students, Antonio, working on a picture.
他看到其中一名学生安东尼奥正在创作一幅画。
I went over to him and said put the picture away.
我走过去对他说把照片收起来。
I probably did that two or three times.
我可能这样做过两三次。
And then the fourth time I went over, and I just took the picture and said, pay attention.
然后我第四次过去，我只是拍了张照片，说，注意。
It's math class.
这是数学课。
And I put it on my desk.
我把它放在我的桌子上。
He came up right before recess and was like, can I have my picture back?
他在课间休息前过来问我，我可以拿回我的照片吗？
And I was like, what is this picture of anyways?
我就想，这张照片到底是什么？
And he said, it's Bob's sister.
他说，这是鲍勃的妹妹。
And I'm like, who's Bob's sister?
我想，谁是鲍勃的妹妹？
Turns out Bob's sister is a minion, which I don't even think Bob's sister exists in the minion world.
原来鲍勃的妹妹是一个小黄人，我什至不认为鲍勃的妹妹存在于小黄人世界中。
You're saying the minions like from the movie, Despicable Me?
你是说电影《神偷奶爸》中的小黄人吗？
Yes, exactly.
是的，完全正确。
Ira Glass And he had just invented like a sister character for Bob?
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）他刚刚为鲍勃发明了一个姐妹角色？
Yeah, apparently.
是的，显然。
Ira Glass Mr. Ablao taped the drawing to the bookshelf behind his desk near a photo of a wolf that was already there.
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 阿布劳 (Ablao) 先生将这幅画贴在办公桌后面的书架上，旁边有一张已经在那里的狼的照片。
Because it was clear if Antonio kept the drawing, it would continue to be a distraction to him and a couple of his friends, who, at that point, were the only ones in class who really cared about Bob's sister.
因为很明显，如果安东尼奥保留这幅画，它会继续分散他和他的几个朋友的注意力，而他们是班上唯一真正关心鲍勃妹妹的人。
I was like, don't worry.
我当时想，别担心。
She's not going anywhere.
她哪儿也不去。
She'll be right here.
她马上就到了。
Anytime you want to see her, she'll be behind me.
任何时候你想见她，她都会在我身后。
Because the kids were into the picture of Bob's sister?
因为孩子们喜欢鲍勃妹妹的照片？
Yeah.
是的。
And I didn't really quite understand why.
我不太明白为什么。
I never investigated why this picture was such a big deal.
我从来没有调查过为什么这张照片如此重要。
But yeah, they would talk about it.
但是，是的，他们会谈论它。
They would go up and look at it.
他们会上去看看。
And, yeah, it was a thing.
是的，这是一件事。
Why were you guys so excited about Bob's sister, do you think?
你们认为为什么你们对鲍勃的妹妹如此兴奋？
I think it's because it was like another distraction in class that people could talk about.
我认为这是因为这就像课堂上人们可以谈论的另一种干扰。
This is Dylan, one of Antonio's friends, who was into Bob's sister from the start.
这是迪伦，安东尼奥的朋友之一，他从一开始就喜欢鲍勃的妹妹。
Describe the drawing.
描述一下图画。
Dylan It's just like an octopus, and then it had two eyes and then tentacles coming out of it.
迪伦：就像章鱼一样，它有两只眼睛，然后长出触手。
I didn't realize Bob's sister was an octopus?
我不知道鲍勃的妹妹是章鱼？
Bob's sister was an octopus.
鲍勃的妹妹是一只章鱼。
Ira Glass But Bob's a minion.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：但鲍勃是个奴才。
Well, it didn't really have anything to do with that.
嗯，这与此没有任何关系。
And was he referring to the minion Bob, or am I just--
他指的是小黄人鲍勃，还是我只是——
--he was not.
——他不是。
Ira Glass I see.
艾拉·格拉斯 我明白了。
Was it a good drawing?
画得好吗？
It was like, an eight-year-old's OK drawing.
就像八岁孩子画得还不错一样。
Like, it wasn't amazing, but it was like, you knew what it was.
就像，这并不令人惊奇，但就像，你知道那是什么。
This whole question-- is it an octopus, is it a minion-- I asked Antonio, who drew Bob's sister-- about that.
整个问题——它是章鱼还是小黄人——我问了画鲍勃妹妹的安东尼奥——关于这个问题。
He tended to see Bob's sister as a Pac-Man ghost with big eyes, but he said-- and I thought it was surprisingly mature for somebody in elementary school.
他倾向于将鲍勃的妹妹视为长着大眼睛的吃豆人幽灵，但他说——我认为这对于小学的人来说是令人惊讶的成熟。
He thought part of the appeal of Bob's sister was that it was open to interpretation.
他认为鲍勃妹妹的吸引力部分在于它可以自由解释。
I really don't know what it is.
我真的不知道那是什么。
It's a thing.
这是一件事。
I don't know what it-- it's lots of different things.
我不知道它是什么——有很多不同的东西。
You could think of it as a minion that looks weird.
你可以把它想象成一个看起来很奇怪的随从。
You could think of it as Fly Guy with no legs.
你可以把它想象成没有腿的苍蝇小子。
You could think of it as Pac-Man ghost with big eyes.
你可以把它想象成长着大眼睛的吃豆人幽灵。
Bob's sister was different to everybody.
鲍勃的妹妹与每个人都不同。
We never went with one of them.
我们从来没有和他们中的一个一起去过。
We didn't say anything.
我们什么也没说。
Anyone could believe what they want.
任何人都可以相信他们想要的东西。
But the thing that was key to Bob's sister was, Bob's sister wasn't actually anyone's sister.
但对鲍勃的妹妹来说最重要的是，鲍勃的妹妹实际上并不是任何人的妹妹。
That's really funny.
这真的很有趣。
Antonio And we didn't come up with a gender either.
安东尼奥：我们也没有提出性别。
So Bobsister, gender unspecified, lived on the bookshelf near the photo of a wolf, until one week when Mr. Ablao went on vacation, and the kids had a substitute.
因此，性别不明的鲍伯斯特就住在书架上靠近狼照片的地方，直到一周阿布劳先生去度假，孩子们有了一个替代品。
When Mr. Ablao came back, Bobsister was gone, vanished, disappeared, and was all the kids wanted to talk about.
当阿布劳先生回来时，鲍伯斯特不见了，消失了，消失了，孩子们只想谈论这一切。
This is the point where everybody in class gets very, very interested in Bobsister.
这是班上每个人都对 Bobsister 非常非常感兴趣的一点。
There's kind of all this speculation about what happened to Bobsister.
关于 Bobsister 发生的事情有各种各样的猜测。
Was she stolen?
她被偷了吗？
Was she murdered?
她是被谋杀的吗？
Did she die?
她死了吗？
And so I go and I look a little bit.
所以我就去看看。
I looked under the desk.
我看了看桌子下面。
I looked behind the bookshelf and--
我看了看书架后面——
Did you ask the substitute?
你问替补了吗？
Mr. Ablao I did, actually.
阿布劳先生，事实上，我做到了。
He had no idea what I was talking about, which was good enough for me.
他不知道我在说什么，这对我来说已经足够了。
Oh, really?
哦真的吗？
For me, that makes him suspect number one.
对我来说，这让他成为第一嫌疑人。
[LAUGHS] Interesting.
[笑]有趣。
Ira Glass There's your guy.
艾拉·格拉斯：这就是你的人。
Do you not watch any crime drama at all?
你根本不看任何犯罪剧吗？
There are all kinds of theories about what happened to Bobsister.
关于 Bobsister 的遭遇有各种各样的说法。
Antonio and Dylan said it was really fun to talk about various abductors, including animals from an alternate universe.
安东尼奥和迪伦表示，谈论各种绑架者真的很有趣，其中包括来自另一个宇宙的动物。
But Dylan says the prime suspect for his classmates-- that other picture on the bookshelf.
但迪伦说，他的同学的主要嫌疑人是书架上的另一张照片。
They just decided that the wolf ate it because it was like, right above the wolf.
他们只是认为狼吃了它，因为它就像就在狼的上方。
They didn't really know why.
他们真的不知道为什么。
That's what they said.
他们就是这么说的。
Who said that?
谁说的？
Dylan Basically, everybody.
迪伦 基本上，大家。
The chatter about Bobsister does not go away, which is funny, but also Mr. Ablao's got a curriculum to get through.
关于 Bobsister 的议论并没有消失，这很有趣，而且 Ablao 先生还有一门课程要完成。
I'm kind of vaguely annoyed because there's a lot going on in the school day, and I don't have much time to think about a picture of Bobsister.
我有点恼火，因为学校里有很多事情，我没有太多时间思考 Bobsister 的照片。
But they're kind of pestering me about it.
但他们一直在纠缠我。
And then one other student-- Ira Glass Dylan, actually.
然后还有另一名学生——艾拉·格拉斯·迪伦（Ira Glass Dylan）。
--pipes in and says, can we have a funeral for Bobsister?
——插话说，我们可以为鲍勃姐姐举办葬礼吗？
And I'm like, what are you talking about?
我想，你在说什么？
And they're like, well, she died.
他们就像，好吧，她死了。
Something happened.
发生了一些事情。
And I'm like, a funeral for Bobsister, a picture?
我想，为 Bobsister 举办的葬礼，一张照片？
And I say yes.
我说是的。
Probably just to get them to stop talking about Bobsister, but also, this is the kind of teacher he is.
可能只是为了让他们停止谈论 Bobsister，而且，他就是这样的老师。
He says, sometimes, it's smart to take some detours, follow things where they lead.
他说，有时候，走一些弯路，顺其自然是明智的做法。
And they're like, when?
他们就像，什么时候？
I'm like, I don't know when.
我想，我不知道什么时候。
I don't know when this funeral's going to happen.
我不知道这个葬礼什么时候举行。
And they're like, when?
他们就像，什么时候？
When's it going to happen?
什么时候会发生？
When's it going to happen?
什么时候会发生？
We are going to have a funeral for Bobsister.
我们要为鲍勃姐姐举行葬礼。
And so then, finally, I'm like, after recess on Friday.
最后，我想，周五课间休息后。
That was Monday.
那是星期一。
The rest of the week goes pretty normally.
这周剩下的时间一切都很正常。
Mr. Ablao sort of hoped that they would forget about the funeral by the end of the week, but no way.
阿布劳先生有点希望他们能在本周末忘记葬礼，但没办法。
They're murmuring about it, preparing for it, which he has no part of.
他们正在窃窃私语，正在为此做准备，而他却没有参与其中。
The eight-year-olds are the ones organizing this and thinking it through.
八岁的孩子是组织这个活动并进行思考的人。
Finally, Friday arrives, the big day, the day of the funeral, kids come back into the room from recess.
终于，星期五到了，这是一个重要的日子，葬礼的日子，孩子们从课间休息回到房间。
They're pretty giddy and pretty excited.
他们非常头晕，非常兴奋。
So finally, I'm like, OK, game on, let's go.
所以最后，我想，好吧，游戏开始，我们走吧。
Funeral.
葬礼。
I have no idea what is about to transpire.
我不知道会发生什么。
All of a sudden, boom, the tables kind of move out of the way.
突然，“砰”的一声，桌子移开了。
The leader of the funeral comes up with the stool.
葬礼的领队搬来了凳子。
Two other students bring two tables and grab the flowers.
另外两个学生带来了两张桌子并抢走了鲜花。
Apparently, a bunch of girls had been making posters.
显然，一群女孩正在制作海报。
They write Bobsister's Funeral on the board.
他们在黑板上写下了“鲍勃姐妹的葬礼”。
Dylan's the leader of the funeral, and he prepared a eulogy.
迪伦是葬礼的主持人，他准备了悼词。
So did his friend, Theo.
他的朋友西奥也是如此。
Dylan gets in front of the class holding a microphone Mr. Ablao keeps in the room.
迪伦拿着阿布劳先生放在房间里的麦克风站在全班前面。
The rest of the class is totally on the edge of their seats, just waiting for this kid to start the funeral, like, paying more attention to him than they had ever paid to me.
班里的其他人都坐立不安，等待着这个孩子开始葬礼，对他的关注比对我的关注还要多。
They're just like, ready for it.
他们就像，准备好了。
He starts out kind of ad-libbing about welcoming everyone, thanking everyone for coming to celebrate the life of Bobsister.
他一开始就即兴表达了对大家的欢迎，感谢大家前来庆祝 Bobsister 的生活。
Now, how did you know what to say in a eulogy?
现在，你怎么知道在悼词中该说什么？
We didn't.
我们没有。
We just said like some things that sounded about right.
我们只是说了一些听起来正确的话。
Like, something that you might say at a funeral that might make someone cry.
比如，你在葬礼上说的话可能会让某人哭泣。
Yeah.
是的。
Take it out?
拿出来吗？
Ira Glass Could you read it?
艾拉·格拉斯 你能读一下吗？
OK, one sec.
好的，一秒钟。
And then it sort of-- mine also says sort of back and forth she and he, so.
然后我的也有点来回说她和他，所以。
Because I didn't really know.
因为我真的不知道。
"Bobsister was a great person.
“鲍伯斯特是一个伟大的人。
People thought that Bob was just a drawing on a piece of paper, but I knew he was anything but that.
人们认为鲍勃只是一张纸上的图画，但我知道他绝非如此。
But she is still in here.
但她还在这里。
She made me think I could do things in school.
她让我觉得我可以在学校做一些事情。
If she was here today, she would say, keep on trying."
如果她今天在这里，她会说，继续努力。”
That's really nice.
那真是太好了。
It sounds like you were trying to be sort of inspiring.
听起来你是想给人一些启发。
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass Had you seen a eulogy in a movie or something that you knew what to do?
Ira Glass：您是否在电影中看过悼词或您知道该怎么做的东西？
The other eulogy that Theo wrote was also really good.
西奥写的另一篇悼词也非常好。
"I just want to say something about the special person here, Bobsister, how she was such a good friend to all the potatoes, and especially Mr. Potato Head." Potatoes were another fascination of Mr. Ablao's class that year.
“我只想说一下这里有个特别的人，鲍姐，她是所有土豆的好朋友，尤其是土豆头先生。”土豆是阿布劳先生那一年班上的另一个魅力所在。
"What an honor it was to have her with us.
“她和我们在一起是多么荣幸。
God bless her." And then, from the back of the room, Mr. Ablao hears a boy crying.
上帝保佑她。”然后，阿布劳先生从房间后面听到一个男孩在哭。
I would say almost wailing, but it was like a real cry.
我想说几乎是在哭泣，但这就像真正的哭泣。
And at first, I'm thinking, oh my god, now they're just turning this into a joke.
起初，我在想，天哪，现在他们只是把这变成了一个笑话。
And then, I realized that he's actually seriously crying.
然后我发现他真的在哭。
Like, this is not a joke cry.
就像，这不是开玩笑。
And I walked back there.
我又走回那里。
And everyone kind of turns back.
每个人都会回头。
Everyone's looking at both of us.
每个人都看着我们俩。
And so I asked him.
所以我问他。
I'm like, what's wrong?
我想，怎么了？
What's going on?
这是怎么回事？
Why are you crying?
你为什么哭？
And he's like, it's because Bobsister died.
他说，这是因为 Bobsister 死了。
And I was like, it's not about anything else, maybe?
我当时想，也许这与其他事情无关？
And he's like, no, it's Bobsister's died, and it's just so sad.
他说，不，是 Bobsister 死了，这太悲伤了。
Mr. Ablao thinks maybe it was really about his dog.
阿布劳先生认为这可能真的是关于他的狗的。
The dog that boy had grown up with had died just two weeks before.
和男孩一起长大的狗两周前去世了。
His mom had sent an email to let him know.
他的妈妈发了一封电子邮件让他知道。
But Mr. Ablao's really not sure.
但阿布劳先生真的不确定。
At eight, you're plenty old enough to catch a glimpse of what death means.
八岁了，你已经足够大了，可以瞥见死亡意味着什么了。
And then I look up, and then the whole kind of feel of the classroom has changed.
然后我抬头一看，整个教室的感觉就变了。
It's gone from kind of giddy excitement, this is a fun thing, to half the class is nervously laughing, and the other half looks like they're on the verge of tears.
它不再是一种令人眼花缭乱的兴奋，这是一件有趣的事情，一半的班级在紧张地笑，另一半看起来快要哭了。
Like, there's about three girls that are kind of really sad.
就像，大约有三个女孩真的很伤心。
And I was like, oh no, what have I created?
我当时想，哦不，我创造了什么？
This was reaching an emotional level that I actually had never experienced before, and I've been teaching for about 15 years.
这达到了我以前从未经历过的情感水平，而我已经教学了大约 15 年。
And I had never felt kind of this-- not that it was getting out of control, but it was leading to something that I didn't know how it was going to end, honestly.
我从来没有这样的感觉——不是说事情失去了控制，而是说它导致了一些我不知道会如何结束的事情，老实说。
Like, I don't know what's going to happen next.
就像，我不知道接下来会发生什么。
If three other kids start crying, I don't know how to handle the situation.
如果另外三个孩子开始哭泣，我不知道如何处理这种情况。
Right.
正确的。
Mr. Ablao I had never experienced kind of that in a classroom.
阿布劳先生，我从未在教室里经历过这样的事情。
It's so interesting.
太有趣了。
It's like they were playing around with, I don't know, like with a Ouija board and joking around, and suddenly, they accidentally summoned a demon into the room.
就像他们在玩，我不知道，就像玩显灵板，开玩笑，突然，他们不小心把一个恶魔召唤到了房间里。
Yeah.
是的。
In a way.
在某种程度上。
And for me, I was right there on the Ouija board with them.
对我来说，我就和他们一起在显灵板上。
And so this monster is in the room.
所以这个怪物就在房间里。
You've unleashed this really kind of a primal force, like this grief, right?
你释放了一种真正的原始力量，比如悲伤，对吧？
Yeah.
是的。
Grief, death.
悲伤、死亡。
And I mean, one of the really neat things about third grade is it's-- I mean, there's a saying.
我的意思是，三年级最美妙的事情之一是——我的意思是，有一句话。
"They stop learning to read and are reading to learn." So it's like it's an age where their world gets a lot bigger.
“他们不再学习阅读，而是通过阅读来学习。”所以好像在这个时代，他们的世界变得更大了。
They kind of are experiencing real things, and I think a funeral is one of those things.
他们正在经历真实的事情，我认为葬礼就是其中之一。
They probably all heard of a funeral.
他们可能都听说过葬礼。
They read them in books.
他们在书上读到它们。
But most of them probably hadn't been to one and didn't know what that felt like.
但他们中的大多数人可能没有去过，也不知道那是什么感觉。
And Mr. Ablao felt responsible to help them through this new experience, like he had lots of others that year.
阿布劳先生觉得有责任帮助他们度过这次新经历，就像他那年经历过很多其他经历一样。
So he took control of the room back from the kids and addressed them all.
于是他从孩子们手中夺回了房间的控制权，并向他们所有人讲话。
I was like, well, funerals are kind of serious.
我当时想，嗯，葬礼有点严肃。
Sometimes, when you go to a funeral, it's very sad because you're missing the person that's moved on.
有时，当你去参加葬礼时，你会感到非常悲伤，因为你想念那个已经离开的人。
And sometimes, it reminds you of other people who have moved on.
有时，它会让你想起其他已经离开的人。
And it's important to remember those people, and it's important to be sad.
记住那些人很重要，悲伤也很重要。
And this is the end of the funeral.
葬礼到此结束。
Which worked.
这有效。
Everybody snapped out of it.
每个人都猛然清醒过来。
The demon left the room.
恶魔离开了房间。
Next, was free time, which they all enjoy.
接下来是他们都很享受的自由时间。
And everything was fine.
一切都很好。
But at the end of the school year, when the class stood in a circle and each kid names something that they remembered and liked from third grade, a couple of the kids said Bobsister's funeral.
但在学年结束时，当全班同学围成一圈，每个孩子都说出他们从三年级开始就记得和喜欢的东西时，几个孩子提到了鲍伯斯特的葬礼。
It was a moment for Mr. Ablao, too.
对于阿布劳先生来说，这也是一个时刻。
Sometimes, you're joking around and it's all light and fun and trying something you've never done before, and some bigger subterranean force gets unleashed.
有时，你会开玩笑，一切都是轻松有趣的，尝试一些你以前从未做过的事情，一些更大的地下力量就会被释放出来。
That's what our show is going to be about today-- those moments when you get a glimpse of all that feeling that's there down below, hidden from sight.
这就是我们今天的节目要讲的内容——在那些时刻，你可以瞥见隐藏在视线之外的所有感觉。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Music of the Night After Night After Night After Night After Night After Night After Night After Night-- [FADES AWAY]
第一幕，夜复一夜复复复复复复复复复复复复夜的音乐--[逐渐消失]
So when you go to a big theater, you see all the people who are on stage-- they're brightly lit.
所以当你去一个大剧院时，你会看到舞台上的所有人——他们都是灯火通明的。
They're visible to everybody.
他们对每个人来说都是可见的。
They are literally there to be seen.
他们确实是在那里被看到的。
But then, just below them down in front, there's the orchestra pit.
但是，就在他们正下方的前方，有一个乐池。
And it seems straightforward enough what happens in there.
那里发生的事情似乎很简单。
Musicians play their instruments.
音乐家演奏他们的乐器。
But other things go on in there, all kinds of interactions and feelings that usually we don't get much of a picture of.
但那里还发生着其他事情，各种我们通常不太了解的互动和感受。
You know the old saying "hell is other people?" It actually comes from the theater, it comes from a play, No Exit.
你知道那句老话“他人即地狱”吗？它实际上来自剧院，来自一部戏剧《No Exit》。
That play was not written by somebody who sits in the orchestra pit.
那部剧不是由坐在乐池里的人写的。
But Jay Caspian Kang has this story about how many musicians in theatrical orchestras might understand the sentiment.
但杰伊·凯斯宾·康 (Jay Caspian Kang) 有一个故事，讲述了有多少戏剧管弦乐队的音乐家可能会理解这种情绪。
We first broadcast this story back in 2020.
我们在 2020 年首次播出这个故事。
We are bringing it back today with an update.
我们今天将其带回并进行更新。
Here's Jay.
这是杰伊。
Nick Jemo moved to New York in 2006 to try to make it as a musician.
Nick Jemo 于 2006 年搬到纽约，试图成为一名音乐家。
He had just finished up college and had all these dreams of playing the trumpet for a living, but it was a struggle.
他刚刚大学毕业，梦想以吹小号为生，但这是一场斗争。
There just aren't many jobs for trumpet players anymore.
小号手的工作已经不多了。
So he mostly waited by the phone for gigs.
所以他大部分时间都在电话旁等待演出。
Korean megachurch services, experimental plays, and the occasional substitute job with Mary Poppins on Broadway.
韩国大型教堂服务、实验戏剧以及偶尔在百老汇与玛丽·波平斯 (Mary Poppins) 进行的替补工作。
And then a spot opened up at his favorite show.
然后他最喜欢的节目就空出了一个位置。
This might be TMI, but I remember I was in my apartment.
这可能是TMI，但我记得我是在我的公寓里。
I was on the toilet.
我当时正在上厕所。
And [CHUCKLING] I got a phone call, and I didn't recognize the number.
[咯咯笑]我接到一个电话，但我不认识这个号码。
And I listened to the voicemail saying, "Hi, this is Kristen," and freaked out.
我听到语音信箱说：“嗨，我是克里斯汀，”我吓坏了。
This is one of the conductors for Phantom of the Opera.
这是《歌剧魅影》的指挥之一。
She offered him a job playing shows six days a week and twice on Thursdays and Saturdays.
她给了他一份每周表演六天、周四和周六两次的工作。
I'm not sure I probably even let her finish her sentence.
我不确定我是否会让她把话说完。
Yes, I'm very interested, very interested and available.
是的，我非常感兴趣，非常感兴趣并且有空。
It was life changing, really.
这确实改变了生活。
Did you feel like you'd won the lottery?
你有没有感觉自己中了彩票？
Oh, yes.
哦是的。
Actually, I remember the next day, I had to go grocery shopping.
事实上，我记得第二天，我要去杂货店买东西。
And I remember buying coconut water.
我记得买过椰子水。
I don't know why.
我不知道为什么。
That was like my treat because I always wanted to buy coconut water, but it was always like too much of a-- I was like, you know what?
这就像我的款待，因为我一直想买椰子水，但它总是太多了——我当时想，你知道吗？
I just don't need to spend.
我只是不需要花钱。
And I remember buying coconut water and feeling like such a bad ass.
我记得我买了椰子水，感觉自己很糟糕。
[LAUGHTER] And I just felt like, I can buy anything here.
[笑声] 我只是觉得，我可以在这里买任何东西。
It wasn't just a steady income Nick was excited about.
尼克兴奋的不仅仅是稳定的收入。
Phantom of the Opera was a show Nick had loved since he was 11 years old.
《歌剧魅影》是尼克从 11 岁起就喜欢的一部剧。
He had just started playing the trumpet and would lay on his living room floor listening to "The Music of the Night." You know it-- (SINGING) slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor.
他刚刚开始吹小号，会躺在客厅地板上听“夜晚的音乐”。你知道的——（唱歌）夜色慢慢地、温柔地展现出它的光辉。
That call changed his life.
那个电话改变了他的生活。
He had finally arrived, Phantom on Broadway.
他终于来了，百老汇的幽灵。
On his first day, Nick entered the Majestic Theater on 46th and 8th Avenue.
第一天，尼克走进了位于第 46 大道和第 8 大道交汇处的 Majestic Theatre。
He walked through a back alley past a giant tub of dry ice, down a flight of stairs into a locker room where he changed into all black.
他穿过一条后巷，经过一个巨大的干冰桶，走下一段楼梯，进入更衣室，在那里他换成了一身黑。
He then headed into the pit to play the music he had loved as a child.
然后他走进坑里演奏他小时候喜欢的音乐。
He had his own seat there now and a music stand.
现在他在那里有了自己的座位和一个乐谱架。
So he played the first show.
于是他表演了第一场演出。
Next day, he went back and played it again and then again.
第二天，他又回去玩了一遍又一遍。
His brain started to adjust to playing the same show eight times a week.
他的大脑开始适应每周播放同一节目八次。
And then he started to notice, it wasn't just the music that repeated itself.
然后他开始注意到，重复的不仅仅是音乐。
I'm seeing the same actors at the exact same time and the same musicians at the exact same time and seeing the same people in the bathroom at the exact same time.
我在完全相同的时间看到相同的演员，在完全相同的时间看到相同的音乐家，在完全相同的时间在浴室里看到相同的人。
[LAUGHTER] Every time one of the dancers comes through to put her wig on, she says to one of the other dancers, "Good job, Erica." Like every single day.
[笑声] 每当一位舞者走过来戴上假发时，她都会对另一位舞者说：“干得好，艾丽卡。”就像每一天一样。
It's very Groundhog Day.
这真是土拨鼠日。
At first, this is funny, almost charming.
起初，这很有趣，甚至很迷人。
Nick was 30 and the youngest person in the pit, not by a few years, but by a few decades.
尼克今年 30 岁，是坑里最年轻的人，不是年轻了几年，而是年轻了几十年。
He'd never been in a situation like this where everyone seemed so locked into routine.
他从来没有遇到过这样的情况，每个人似乎都陷入了例行公事。
His colleagues would sit down in their chairs at the exact same minute every day.
他的同事们每天都会在同一分钟坐在自己的椅子上。
There is a cellist who would say, "Marvelous," every time Nick asked him how he was doing.
每当尼克问他过得怎么样时，有一位大提琴手都会说：“太棒了”。
There was the first horn player who would pull out a stopwatch every single night to time how long the second horn player held a note in one of the songs.
第一个圆号演奏者每天晚上都会拿出秒表来计时第二个圆号演奏者在其中一首歌曲中保持音符的时间。
Some days it would be 17 seconds, other days 16.2.
有时是 17 秒，有时是 16.2 秒。
You definitely start to notice, people are talking about each other and complaining about the same people are late every single week.
你肯定会开始注意到，人们都在互相谈论，并抱怨同样的人每周都迟到。
If you bump into a stand by accident, you'll get like a "what the [MUTED] are you doing," kind of look?
如果你不小心撞到了替补席，你会得到一种“你[静音]在做什么”的表情？
Like, [INHALES] take a deep breath.
就像，[吸气]深呼吸。
Like, [EXHALES]
就像，[呼气]
What is it like being the youngest guy there, the young guy?
作为那里最年轻的年轻人，感觉如何？
Basically, I'm not as jaded as the rest of them.
基本上，我并不像其他人那样厌倦。
If I say anything that's not like, [SIGHS] "it sucks to be here," they're like, "You haven't been here long enough.
如果我说的不是这样的话，[叹气]“在这里真糟糕”，他们会说，“你来这里的时间还不够长。
You're still new.
你还是个新人。
You're still new." People kind of walk in there, like, [SIGHS], OK, I got to do this again.
你还是个新人。”人们走进去，就像，[叹气]，好吧，我得再做一次。
And some of it is just in their body language, the way they walk in the door.
其中一些只是他们的肢体语言，他们走进门的方式。
Like they're kind of trudging in.
就像他们正在艰难地闯进来一样。
Or when someone says, "Do I have to do this tonight?"
或者当有人说：“我今晚必须这样做吗？”
Phantom of the Opera opened on Broadway in January 1988.
《歌剧魅影》于 1988 年 1 月在百老汇上演。
It was an instant hit.
这立即引起了轰动。
Barbara Walters Everyone who has seen this musical comes away enchanted.
芭芭拉·沃尔特斯 每个看过这部音乐剧的人都会被迷住。
The show is virtually guaranteed to run well into the next decade.
该节目几乎可以保证在下一个十年中顺利播出。
It did.
确实如此。
And then another decade, and another.
然后又一个十年，又一个十年。
The musicians in the pit signed contracts with the provision, which guaranteed their jobs until the show shut down.
现场的音乐家们与该条款签订了合同，这保证了他们的工作直到演出结束。
They expected two, maybe three years.
他们预计两年，也许三年。
But the show kept going, as three years turned into five years, which then turned into 32.
但这部剧一直在继续，三年变成了五年，然后又变成了32年。
That's over 13,000 performances.
演出次数超过 13,000 场。
Phantom is now the longest-running show in the history of Broadway.
《幻影》现在是百老汇历史上上演时间最长的演出。
There's almost a feeling, I think, of nausea, that you have to do it again, and you have to do it again.
我想，几乎有一种恶心的感觉，你必须再做一次，你必须再做一次。
That's Melanie Feld, an oboist who's been in the pit for 28 years now.
她就是梅兰妮·费尔德 (Melanie Feld)，一位双簧管演奏家，已经在乐坛工作了 28 年。
I don't know how to describe it-- a physical sensation that I get of, literally, that I'm jumping out of my skin.
我不知道如何描述它——一种身体上的感觉，字面意思是，我从我的皮肤里跳出来。
Like, it's a leg thing.
比如说，这是一个腿的问题。
I can't stand my skin.
我无法忍受我的皮肤。
I'm going crazy.
我要疯了。
Oh, no, that thing is happening.
哦，不，那件事正在发生。
I had first heard about the pit at Phantom through a friend, whose wife had recently subbed in the violin section.
我第一次听说 Phantom 的这个坑是通过一位朋友，他的妻子最近在小提琴组担任替补。
She described what she had seen as a horror show, like Waiting for Guffman, but 30 hard years down the line.
她描述了她所看到的恐怖表演，就像等待古夫曼一样，但三十年后的艰难。
I couldn't quite get it out of my head.
我无法完全摆脱它。
So one of the first things people ask-- how can you possibly stay sane and play the same music every night?
所以人们问的第一件事就是——你如何才能保持理智并每晚播放相同的音乐？
Pete Reit has been playing Phantom since opening night.
皮特·雷特（Pete Reit）自开幕之夜起就一直扮演《幻影》（Phantom）。
He's the French horn player who times the notes on a stopwatch every night.
他是一位法国号演奏家，每晚都会用秒表计时。
Now, there is something in that, where you-- I would look at the music sometimes, and it would just literally look like shapes.
现在，其中有一些东西，我有时会看音乐，它实际上看起来就像形状。
I would just see, like, circles and lines and dots.
我只会看到圆圈、线条和点。
And I would have no idea.
我不知道。
I wouldn't even know what page I was on.
我什至不知道我在哪个页面。
It's like a dissociative feeling, almost.
这几乎就像一种分离的感觉。
Like--
就像——
It's sort of like hearing yourself speak, and you don't-- and you aren't sure it's English.
这有点像听到自己说话，但你不知道——而且你不确定那是英语。
(LAUGHING) OK, well, that is-- I don't think that's ever happened to me, Pete.
（笑）好吧，好吧，那是——我想这从来没有发生在我身上，皮特。
[LAUGHTER] Pete Reit And then, the funny thing is, you see someone else do it, and you immediately know what's going on with them.
[笑声] Pete Reit 然后，有趣的是，你看到其他人这样做，你立刻就知道他们发生了什么事。
Oh, they're just like-- it's as if they don't even know where they are.
哦，他们就像——就好像他们甚至不知道自己在哪里。
They're, like, waking up in another room.
他们就像在另一个房间里醒来一样。
It's like, what happened?
就像，发生了什么事？
Where am I?
我在哪里？
(LAUGHING) What day is it?
（笑）今天是什么日子？
What week is it?
现在是星期几？
When I started talking to the pit musicians a couple of years ago, I wanted to know how they found meaning in the mundane and inevitable repetitions of life.
几年前，当我开始与现场音乐家交谈时，我想知道他们如何在平凡且不可避免的重复生活中找到意义。
In lots of jobs, people do the same thing every day, but nothing quite like this.
在很多工作中，人们每天都做同样的事情，但没有什么比这更好的了。
You're hearing the exact same lines from the stage, playing the exact same notes for the same songs.
你会在舞台上听到完全相同的台词，为同样的歌曲演奏完全相同的音符。
Even the guy sitting next to you breathes in the exact same rhythm.
即使坐在你旁边的人也以完全相同的节奏呼吸。
Every day, the Phantom kisses Christine for the first time, and the same chandelier comes crashing down in the same spot on the stage.
每天，幻影都会第一次亲吻克里斯汀，同一盏吊灯也会在舞台上的同一个地方轰然倒塌。
I assumed the orchestra members were like zen archers, who pull back the same bow, with the same motion, until they die.
我认为管弦乐队的成员就像禅宗弓箭手，他们以同样的动作拉回同样的弓，直到死去。
I talked to a trumpet player named Lowell Hershey.
我和一位名叫洛厄尔·赫尔希的小号手交谈过。
Lowell has been at the show since day one, and everyone says he's the sanest person in the pit.
洛厄尔从第一天起就参加了演出，每个人都说他是场上最理智的人。
And it kind of drives you nuts for the first few weeks, and then after that, your mind deals with it and just flushes it out.
在最初的几周里，它会让你发疯，然后，你的大脑就会处理它，然后把它冲掉。
So when you're not there, you don't think about it.
所以当你不在的时候，你就不会去想它。
Do you know the words to the songs that you're playing?
你知道你正在演奏的歌曲的歌词吗？
"Where in the world--" Lowell Hershey "--think of me fondly." Whatever.
“世界上的哪个地方——”洛厄尔·赫希“——深情地想念我。”任何。
I mean, I remember one time, after the show had been running for a while, somebody asked me to play a little bit of a tune from the show, and I couldn't even do it.
我的意思是，我记得有一次，节目播出了一段时间后，有人要求我演奏节目中的一小段曲子，但我什至都做不到。
I couldn't even think of one.
我什至想不出一个。
(LAUGHING) I had submerged it so much.
（笑）我已经把它淹没得太多了。
I feel like your brain has, basically, just rejected being cognizant that the music is going on.
我觉得你的大脑基本上已经拒绝意识到音乐正在进行。
I think that's typical of people who do shows.
我认为这是做表演的人的典型特征。
What do you think the right type of personality is, that can handle this job?
您认为适合这份工作的正确性格类型是什么？
I'm descended from a long line of serfs and peons, you know, people who are used to laboring in the fields for hardly any money and are relatively happy with that.
你知道，我是农奴和苦工的后裔，他们习惯于在田里干活，几乎赚不到钱，而且对此感到相对满意。
The Phantom players aren't exactly serfs.
幻影玩家并不完全是农奴。
They're well-paid, they play a beloved show, and they get to play in small orchestras on the side.
他们的薪水很高，他们演奏深受喜爱的节目，而且他们还可以在小型管弦乐队中演奏。
But these are highly trained musicians who went to the fanciest music schools in the world.
但这些都是训练有素的音乐家，他们就读于世界上最优秀的音乐学校。
Andrew Lloyd Webber wanted the best of the best for Phantom, which means the pit will always sound good, though it also creates some creative and spiritual problems for the players, who have to get through the score night after night after night.
安德鲁·劳埃德·韦伯 (Andrew Lloyd Webber) 希望 Phantom 能做到最好，这意味着坑听起来总是不错，尽管它也给玩家带来了一些创造性和精神上的问题，他们必须夜复一夜地完成乐谱。
I'm a violin operator.
我是一名小提琴操作员。
Jay Caspian Kang [LAUGHS] Is that how you describe that?
Jay Caspian Kang [笑] 你就是这么描述的吗？
That's how I describe it, yeah.
我就是这么描述的，是的。
You know, it's very technical.
你知道，这是非常技术性的。
I have-- I have no emotional connection with it.
我与它没有任何情感联系。
That's a violinist, named Kurt Coble.
那是一位小提琴家，名叫科特·科布尔。
He's a composer.
他是一位作曲家。
His dream was always to write scores for horror films.
他的梦想一直是为恐怖电影创作配乐。
He's now been at Phantom for 22 years, long enough to see three people in his section die.
他已经在 Phantom 工作了 22 年，时间长得足以亲眼目睹他所在部门的三个人死去。
When I'm playing the show, nobody's interested in my creative input.
当我表演节目时，没有人对我的创意投入感兴趣。
I've often compared it to working in a hospice.
我经常将其与在临终关怀医院工作进行比较。
It's just-- we just keep the show alive as long as we can.
只是——我们只是尽可能地让节目保持活力。
So here they all are, in this weird social experiment, trapped together for decades, 27 musicians crammed into this tiny space.
所以他们都在这里，在这个奇怪的社会实验中，几十年来，27 位音乐家挤在这个狭小的空间里。
A trumpet player told me it's like playing in a submarine.
一位小号手告诉我，这就像在潜艇中演奏一样。
I've been down there, and you can barely turn around without knocking into something.
我去过那里，你几乎一转身就会撞到什么东西。
In the pit, you notice everything.
在坑里，你会注意到一切。
The way your neighbor blows out a spit valve, the way someone brags about their kids, the smell of someone's perfume-- every little annoyance, every perceived slight, accumulates.
你的邻居吹吐吐水阀的方式，某人吹嘘自己孩子的方式，某人香水的气味——每一个小小的烦恼，每一个察觉到的轻视，都会累积起来。
One of my favorite stories, which would drive anyone who has ever played in a band crazy-- there's this bassoon player who has sat next to the same clarinet player since 1988.
我最喜欢的故事之一，这会让任何曾经在乐队演奏过的人都疯狂——有一位巴松管演奏者，自 1988 年以来一直坐在同一个单簧管演奏者旁边。
She's convinced he plays half a note flat on every note he's ever played.
她确信他在演奏过的每个音符上都弹了半个音符。
He denies this.
他否认这一点。
The person I talked to the most in the pit was Melanie, the oboist.
我在坑里聊得最多的人是双簧管演奏家梅兰妮。
She's one of the rare people you meet who has no real filter.
她是你遇到的极少数没有真正过滤的人之一。
So I was complaining about something which I imagine was that it was really cold.
所以我在抱怨一些事情，我想是天气真的很冷。
It's always really cold.
天气总是很冷。
And then, someone else from the orchestra said-- [SIGHS] I'm just so tired of the sound of your voice.
然后，管弦乐队的其他人说——[叹息]我只是厌倦了你的声音。
You know?
你知道？
And I'm tired of the sound of my voice, too, so I kind of sympathize with her.
我也厌倦了自己的声音，所以我有点同情她。
Then, there was a violinist who got mad at me because I said I use Roundup in my garden.
然后，有一个小提琴手对我很生气，因为我说我在花园里使用农达。
She's like-- [HUFFS] And she wouldn't speak to me for, I don't know, weeks.
她就像——[赫夫斯]她有好几个星期没有跟我说话，我不知道。
During most of our talks, Melanie was making reeds.
在我们的大部分谈话中，梅兰妮都在制作芦苇。
It's an extraordinarily meticulous process.
这是一个异常细致的过程。
There's all sorts of medieval-looking tools and tiny bits of wood everywhere.
到处都是各种中世纪风格的工具和小木头。
Oboists are the most optimistic people in the world.
双簧管演奏家是世界上最乐观的人。
Because every time they make a reed, they think that it might work.
因为每次他们制作芦苇时，他们都认为它可能有用。
They usually don't, but anyway.
他们通常不这样做，但无论如何。
This part, I-- oh, no, I'm skipping the most important part.
这部分，我——哦，不，我跳过了最重要的部分。
You need to pick your color of thread.
您需要选择线的颜色。
And it just makes all the difference, and I never know what color to pick.
它让一切变得不同，我永远不知道该选什么颜色。
But this is the only fun that I have, so.
但这是我唯一的乐趣，所以。
That god-awful noise.
那可怕的噪音。
Jay Caspian Kang Melanie studied at Juilliard.
杰伊·凯斯皮安·康·梅兰妮就读于茱莉亚音乐学院。
She dreamed of being the principal oboist in the Metropolitan Opera or the Philharmonic.
她梦想成为大都会歌剧院或爱乐乐团的首席双簧管演奏家。
But she kept bombing her auditions.
但她的试镜却不断失败。
Her nerves got the best of her every time she was up for a big seat.
每当她要坐一个大座位时，她的神经就会变得最紧张。
And then, life and bills intervened.
然后，生活和账单介入了。
Phantom, in that way, is a very good job, in a field where there aren't a lot of good jobs anymore.
从这个角度来看，Phantom 是一份非常好的工作，在这个已经没有很多好工作的领域。
It put Melanie's kids through college, paid her mortgage, and provided security while the music industry collapsed around her.
它让梅兰妮的孩子们完成了大学学业，支付了她的抵押贷款，并在她周围的音乐产业崩溃时提供了保障。
But at the end of 30 years sitting just inches away from your coworkers, you lose all sense of proportion.
但 30 年后，当你坐在离同事只有几英寸远的地方时，你就失去了所有的比例感。
Your enemies turn into monsters.
你的敌人变成了怪物。
For Melanie, the monster in the pit was always a trumpet player named Francis Bonny.
对于梅兰妮来说，坑里的怪物始终是一位名叫弗朗西斯·邦尼的小号手。
Everything he did drove Melanie nuts, from the black biking shorts he wore in the pit, to always eating his dinner in the locker room with his back turned to her.
他所做的一切都让梅兰妮抓狂，从他在维修站穿的黑色自行车短裤，到总是背对着她在更衣室里吃晚饭。
Francis was a miserable son of a bitch.
弗朗西斯是个可怜的混蛋。
And at a certain point, he started wearing-- like, he put this black shade on the side of his glasses.
在某个时候，他开始戴——就像，他把这个黑色的阴影放在眼镜的一侧。
And he's wearing those things because he doesn't want to see me, right?
他穿那些衣服是因为他不想见到我，对吗？
That's why he's wear-- I really, truly believe this.
这就是为什么他穿着——我真的、真的相信这一点。
I wanted to run this all by Francis.
我想由弗朗西斯来管理这一切。
It just seems so unreasonable.
简直显得太不合理了。
Francis is the only person I had talked to who had actually escaped from the pit.
弗朗西斯是我交谈过的唯一一个真正从坑里逃出来的人。
He got in a truck and drove out to the middle of nowhere in Colorado.
他上了一辆卡车，开往科罗拉多州的偏僻地方。
He says he's much happier now.
他说他现在快乐多了。
You spoke with Melanie!
你和梅兰妮说话了！
Oh!
哦！
Jay Caspian Kang (LAUGHING) Yeah, yeah, we did.
Jay Caspian Kang（笑）是的，是的，我们做到了。
I understand that you two did not have the best relationship.
我知道你们两个的关系并不是最好的。
One of the things that she told us was that you basically made an eye patch, so that you wouldn't have to look at her.
她告诉我们的一件事是，你基本上做了一个眼罩，这样你就不必看着她了。
Is this a true story that she's telling us?
她告诉我们的这是一个真实的故事吗？
I did do that at some point.
我确实在某个时候这样做过。
But that wasn't just because of Melanie.
但这不仅仅是因为梅兰妮。
She's taking it too personally.
她太个人化了。
It was actually anybody that was on my right.
实际上是我右边的任何人。
[LAUGHTER] Jay Caspian Kang She told us, for a long time, that you sat in the locker room, and that you would turn your back to everybody, because you didn't want to look at them.
[笑声] Jay Caspian Kang 她告诉我们，很长一段时间，你坐在更衣室里，你会背对着每个人，因为你不想看着他们。
Yeah, yeah, it was in the locker room.
是的，是的，是在更衣室里。
I came there, I ate my dinner, looked at the white wall, went in, played the show, and then left the theater, left the premises as fast as I could.
我来到那里，吃完晚饭，看着白色的墙壁，进去看演出，然后离开剧院，以最快的速度离开剧院。
And it worked beautifully.
而且效果非常好。
Can you compare the relationships that you have with other relationships?
你能将你的关系与其他关系进行比较吗？
It's family.
这是家人。
[LAUGHS] It's your spouse you can't stand.
[笑]你无法忍受的是你的配偶。
And putting up with people that you just don't want to hear their voice again.
忍受那些你只是不想再听到他们声音的人。
You sit there.
你坐那儿。
Thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of hours.
成千上万个小时。
This is like a quarter of a lifetime.
这就像一生的四分之一。
The musicians in the pit don't play the whole time, which means there are thousands of hours where they're not actually doing anything.
坑里的音乐家不会一直演奏，这意味着他们有数千小时实际上没有做任何事情。
And during those rests, they read books-- spy thrillers and mysteries-- and do the crossword with their neighbors.
在休息期间，他们会读书——间谍惊悚小说和悬疑小说——并与邻居一起做填字游戏。
A trumpet player has taught himself three languages.
一位小号手自学了三种语言。
Another musician ran a woodshop business on his laptop during the show.
另一位音乐家在演出期间用他的笔记本电脑经营木工生意。
And socially, it's a bit like middle school.
从社交角度来说，这有点像中学。
There are the loners, the jocks, and the French horns.
有孤独者、运动员和圆号。
They're like the boys in the back of the bus.
他们就像公交车后座的男孩。
They bring in fart machines and run the same practical jokes over and over.
他们引进放屁机，一遍又一遍地讲同样的恶作剧。
Sometimes they even mess with the audience.
有时他们甚至会扰乱观众。
The front row is right up against the pit, so close that their feet sometimes dangle next to the musicians' heads.
前排正对着坑，距离如此之近，以至于他们的脚有时会在音乐家的头旁边晃来晃去。
Occasionally, one of the French horn players would take out a bottle of Wite-Out and write little messages on the soles of the audience's shoes.
偶尔，一位法国号演奏者会拿出一瓶Wite-Out，在观众的鞋底上写下一些小信息。
Those guys-- they're sitting right behind me-- they're always chattering and laughing.
那些家伙——他们就坐在我身后——他们总是有说有笑。
I, being me, if I play badly, I think, oh, god, they're saying how terrible I am.
我，作为我，如果我打得不好，我想，哦，上帝，他们会说我有多糟糕。
Oh, god, I don't want to humiliate myself.
哦，上帝，我不想羞辱自己。
This, more than anything, Melanie told me, is what makes her want to sound good every night.
梅兰妮告诉我，这最重要的是让她每天晚上都想听起来好听。
She's worried the French horn guys will make fun of her.
她担心法国号的家伙会取笑她。
I'm not playing for the audience, because the audience doesn't know.
我不是为观众表演，因为观众不知道。
And so I'm playing for those French horn players.
所以我正在为那些法国号演奏者演奏。
I do want to say, one of the compliments I've gotten over the years is, how do you still play so well when you've just been doing Phantom for all those years?
我确实想说，这些年来我得到的赞美之一是，你这么多年才玩《Phantom》，怎么还能打得这么好？
I say, it's a choice that I've made.
我说，这是我做出的选择。
My choice is to play this music like it's any other music that I play, and make it beautiful.
我的选择是像播放其他音乐一样播放此音乐，并使其优美。
Can you just play something from Phantom?
你能播放 Phantom 中的一些东西吗？
Well, I can play the really hard ones.
嗯，我可以玩非常难的游戏。
If it's really bad, though, I beg you not to--
但如果情况真的很糟糕，我求你不要——
During the pandemic, like the rest of Broadway, Phantom shut down.
在大流行期间，与百老汇的其他剧院一样，《幻影》也被关闭。
The unstoppable show was put on pause for a year and a half.
这场势不可挡的演出被暂停了一年半。
I checked in with Melanie during that break.
休息期间我和梅兰妮一起检查了情况。
She wasn't doing very well.
她过得不太好。
She wasn't getting paid by the show.
她没有通过演出获得报酬。
And she missed Phantom.
她也想念幻影。
This was surprising to me.
这让我很惊讶。
Melanie and all the other musicians had told me about their fantasies of finally leaving the show, and I had believed them.
梅兰妮和所有其他音乐家告诉我他们最终离开演出的幻想，我相信了他们。
But now that it actually happened, she missed the routine.
但现在事情真的发生了，她就错过了常规。
You know, Phantom-- I miss the comradeship, the repetition of the silly jokes, and watching everyone eat.
你知道，幻影——我怀念同志情谊，怀念重复的愚蠢笑话，以及看着每个人吃饭。
And I don't know.
我不知道。
The routine-- I kind of like routine in my life.
例行公事——我有点喜欢生活中的例行公事。
This, of course, is the opposite of what she'd said in the past, before COVID.
当然，这与她在新冠疫情之前所说的相反。
It was always easy to complain that it was boring and to complain about driving into the city and wasting all that time in the car, and playing the same music, and going home again.
人们总是很容易抱怨这很无聊，抱怨开车进城，在车里浪费所有时间，播放同样的音乐，然后再回家。
And I just thought-- I knew I was lucky back then, but it becomes very real now.
我只是想——我知道当时我很幸运，但现在它变得非常现实。
I mean, what can I say?
我的意思是，我能说什么？
Now, I really know what it's like not having this job.
现在，我真的知道没有这份工作是什么感觉了。
It's just so much fun to complain about things that don't matter.
抱怨一些无关紧要的事情真是太有趣了。
Oh, the women in the bathroom, they're just always talking about their expensive hair and makeup.
哦，浴室里的女人们，她们总是谈论她们昂贵的头发和化妆品。
And I miss the women in the bathroom.
我想念浴室里的女人们。
And yeah, I'd be happy to complain about that again.
是的，我很乐意再次抱怨这一点。
Before the pandemic, every time I talked to Melanie, I would ask how she was doing.
在大流行之前，每次我和梅兰妮谈话，我都会问她过得怎么样。
Her answer always depended on parking.
她的答案总是取决于停车。
It's hard to park in Midtown, Manhattan.
在曼哈顿中城停车很困难。
A good parking spot was a good day.
一个好的停车位就是美好的一天。
A bad parking spot was a bad day.
一个糟糕的停车位就是糟糕的一天。
This is how she made sense of her life.
这就是她如何理解自己的生活。
I think about this all the time.
我一直在想这个。
Most of our lives are spent finding parking for the job we don't want to do.
我们一生的大部分时间都花在为我们不想做的工作寻找停车位上。
Melanie's not alone in that.
梅兰妮并不是唯一一个这样做的人。
And after any number of years, those routines accumulate, and that's more or less your life.
不管过了多少年，这些习惯都会积累起来，这或多或少就是你的生活。
Of all the people I talked to in the pit, one musician dealt with the mundane and inevitable repetition of life in a way that really stuck with me.
在我在坑里交谈过的所有人中，有一位音乐家以一种让我印象深刻的方式处理平凡且不可避免的生活重复。
For the past two decades in the pit, Kurt, the musician who described himself as a violin operator, has been dreaming up the most elaborate and metaphorically perfect coping mechanism.
在过去的二十年里，自称小提琴演奏家的音乐家库尔特一直在坑里，一直在梦想着最复杂、最完美的应对机制。
It's a band made up entirely of automatons.
这是一支完全由机器人组成的乐队。
I met these robot musicians in a warehouse in Yonkers.
我在扬克斯的一个仓库里遇到了这些机器人音乐家。
The PAM Band.
PAM 乐队。
Jay Caspian Kang The PAM Band stands for Partially Artificial Musicians.
Jay Caspian Kang PAM 乐队代表部分人工音乐家。
Kurt's automatons are made up of scraps of metal and string, all wired up to a soundboard that Kurt can program to create whatever sounds he wants.
库尔特的自动机由金属碎片和绳子组成，全部连接到音板上，库尔特可以对其进行编程以产生他想要的任何声音。
There's Magnus, an electric chord organ, Krieg, the bass guitar, and then there's Rosie, the theremin.
有 Magnus（电和弦风琴）、Krieg（低音吉他），还有 Rosie（特雷门琴）。
This is Jack, a solid-body electric violin using the exoskeleton design.
这是Jack，一把采用外骨骼设计的实体电小提琴。
This is what helps alleviate the boredom of the redundancy of Phantom.
这有助于缓解 Phantom 冗余带来的无聊感。
Because I'm constantly thinking about this project and how I can improve the automation and the kind of music that I would like to create.
因为我一直在思考这个项目以及如何改进自动化以及我想要创作的音乐类型。
If I ever see a therapist, maybe they will help me understand that.
如果我去看治疗师，也许他们会帮助我理解这一点。
[LAUGHTER] Like, was there part of it where you're like, man, I am playing in this orchestra, I'm not-- it's not the expressiveness that I want, I also kind of feel like an automaton?
[笑声] 就像，有没有一部分你会说，伙计，我在这个管弦乐队中演奏，我不是——这不是我想要的表现力，我也感觉像一个机器人？
You know?
你知道？
And maybe I just make an automaton as a violinist.
也许我只是制作一个机器人作为小提琴手。
Sure, yeah.
当然，是的。
I mean, I can see exploring that-- am I looking for some kind of soul healing from this dehumanization of being in a violin section?
我的意思是，我可以看到探索——我是否在小提琴部分的这种非人化中寻找某种灵魂治愈？
Possibly.
可能吧。
[CHUCKLES]
[笑声]
I asked Kurt if the PAM Band could play "The Music of the Night," or "All I Ask of You," or any of the Phantom classics.
我问库尔特 PAM 乐队是否可以演奏“The Music of the Night”、“All I Ask of You”或任何 Phantom 经典歌曲。
He wasn't into that, at all.
他根本不感兴趣。
This band was not designed to play Andrew Lloyd Webber.
该乐队并不是为演奏安德鲁·劳埃德·韦伯而设计的。
But something inside him just couldn't get away from Phantom of the Opera.
但他内心深处的某些东西却无法摆脱《歌剧魅影》的影响。
Back when he was sitting in the pit, he'd composed, just in his head, both the prequel and the sequel to Phantom, both which involve Indiana Jones-type characters.
当他坐在坑里时，他就在脑海中创作了《幻影》的前传和续集，这两部作品都涉及印第安纳·琼斯类型的角色。
And years ago, he got a copy of the 1925 silent film version of Phantom and wrote an entire score.
几年前，他得到了 1925 年无声电影版《幻影》的副本，并写下了完整的配乐。
He wanted to play it for me.
他想为我演奏。
He turned off the lights in the warehouse and projected the film onto the wall.
他关掉仓库里的灯，把胶片投影到墙上。
The PAM Band started to play.
PAM 乐队开始演奏。
The score features him, Kurt, as a solo violinist and the star of the show.
乐谱中，他库尔特 (Kurt) 担任独奏小提琴家，也是演出的明星。
The automatons all play the same thing, but Kurt always improvises.
所有的机器人都发挥着同样的作用，但库尔特总是即兴创作。
None of his shows are ever the same.
他的每一场演出都不相同。
Jay Caspian Kang is a staff writer for The New Yorker and co-host of the podcast, Time to Say Goodbye.
杰伊·凯斯皮安·康 (Jay Caspian Kang) 是《纽约客》的特约撰稿人，也是播客《Time to Say Goodbye》的联合主持人。
His story was produced by Miki Meek.
他的故事由米基·米克 (Miki Meek) 制作。
So we first broadcast that story three years ago.
所以我们三年前第一次播出了这个故事。
And now, the decades of repetition in the Phantom of the Opera pit are finally coming to an end.
而现在，《歌剧魅影》坑里几十年的重复终于要结束了。
After 35 years, the longest-running show in Broadway history is closing this week.
35 年后，百老汇历史上上演时间最长的演出将于本周结束。
Curious how the musicians in the pit were taking the news, Jay caught up with Melanie, the oboe player, when she just had four shows left to play.
杰伊很好奇现场的音乐家们如何看待这个消息，于是他找到了双簧管演奏家梅兰妮，当时她只剩下四场演出了。
Jay asked about the moment when everybody who works on the show heard definitively, during a big Zoom meeting, actually, that the show was finally closing.
杰伊询问了在一次大型 Zoom 会议上，节目中的每个人都明确听到节目终于要结束的那一刻。
What was your first thought?
你的第一个想法是什么？
Because I remember that we had talked about it, and you sort of-- you and Lowell and Pete had all sort of fantasized about it.
因为我记得我们曾经讨论过这个问题，而你、洛厄尔和皮特对此都有过各种各样的幻想。
Because I asked you about this a lot, just like, well, what are you going to-- like, when you leave, how is it going to feel?
因为我问过你很多这个问题，就像，好吧，你打算做什么——比如，当你离开时，感觉如何？
Right.
正确的。
Jay Caspian Kang And so like, how did it actually feel?
Jay Caspian Kang 那么，实际感觉如何？
Like, 'cause you finally got confirmation that, OK, this is actually going to end.
就像，因为你终于得到确认，好吧，这实际上将会结束。
So the first thing is the dropping-of-your-gut-into-the-cellar kind of feeling, of shock, just complete shock.
所以第一件事就是那种惊魂未定的感觉，震惊，完全的震惊。
Like the-bottom-is-falling-out-of-my-world kind of feeling.
就像我的世界跌入谷底的那种感觉。
I was upset.
我很沮丧。
So what I do-- I said, I don't want to be sad, so I will be angry.
所以我所做的——我说，我不想悲伤，所以我会生气。
Let's choose anger.
我们选择愤怒。
And I said, I'm going to focus on all the things I hate.
我说，我将专注于所有我讨厌的事情。
And that way, I won't be sad.
这样我就不会伤心了。
And so that's what I did.
这就是我所做的。
Well, did it work?
嗯，有效果吗？
Like, did it work to--
就像，它有效果吗——
Yeah, I was so successful.
是的，我是如此成功。
Jay Caspian Kang --to just focus on everything you hate, instead of whatever feelings of sadness or regret or even fear that might have popped up?
Jay Caspian Kang——只专注于你讨厌的一切，而不是任何可能出现的悲伤、遗憾甚至恐惧的感觉？
No, this is at the beginning.
不，这只是开始。
OK, so, I was so good, right?
好吧，所以，我太棒了，对吧？
I was so successful.
我是如此成功。
Now that it's imminent, I do feel different.
现在它已经迫在眉睫，我确实感觉不一样了。
So now, it's much more of a rollercoaster up and down.
所以现在，它更像是一个上下过山车。
Right now, there's all kinds of exciting activities going on.
目前，各种激动人心的活动正在进行中。
And then, you can sort of forget that it's closing.
然后，你可能会忘记它正在关闭。
I am certainly sad about it.
我当然对此感到难过。
It's an entire way of life.
这是一种完整的生活方式。
I can't even really imagine knowing it will never be back.
我什至无法想象知道它永远不会回来。
But most of those people, I'm never going to see again.
但其中大多数人，我再也见不到了。
Are people being nicer to one another in the pit?
坑里的人们是否彼此更加友善？
Thank you for asking.
谢谢你的询问。
[LAUGHS] People are being so nice.
[笑]人们都很好。
I'm trying to be quieter about things that annoy me, but fewer things are annoying me.
我试图对那些让我烦恼的事情保持安静，但让我烦恼的事情却越来越少。
And it's all very festive and fun.
这一切都非常喜庆和有趣。
We had a really fun photo op on Friday.
周五我们拍了一张非常有趣的照片。
They had a full company photo call, so.
他们进行了一次完整的公司合影，所以。
I really enjoyed it, because everybody was up on stage.
我真的很喜欢它，因为每个人都在舞台上。
They all gave us a poster, and everyone's getting their posters signed like your high school yearbook.
他们都给了我们一张海报，每个人都在海报上签名，就像高中年鉴一样。
You know, when I first interviewed you several years ago, one of the things that you told me that made me laugh a lot was that you, after playing 20-something years at the time of the show, had never actually seen the show.
你知道，几年前我第一次采访你时，你告诉我的让我笑得很厉害的一件事是，你在演出时已经演了20多年，但从未真正看过这部剧。
And that sort of blew my mind, because I was like, how do you go every night?
这让我大吃一惊，因为我想，你每天晚上都过得怎么样？
Like, you've never actually seen the show?
比如说，你从来没有真正看过这个节目？
Yeah.
是的。
So I realized that I really wanted to see the show, and I asked the management, and they set me up at the soundboard.
所以我意识到我真的很想看演出，我问了管理层，他们把我安排在了音板上。
And it was wonderful.
这太棒了。
This is just last week, I think.
我想这只是上周。
And what amazed me was the pageantry of it, the beauty of it.
令我惊讶的是它的壮观和美丽。
I had no idea.
我不知道。
You see them bringing in all the ice backstage, outside of the stage door, every day.
你会看到他们每天把所有的冰块带到后台、舞台门外。
So there's a giant ice container, the dry ice, and then they carry it in.
所以有一个巨大的冰容器，干冰，然后他们把它搬进去。
And then, we used to complain about the smoke.
然后，我们常常抱怨烟雾。
But I never knew what the smoke did.
但我从来不知道烟雾有什么作用。
And so it creates this incredible atmosphere, and then there's all these lights.
所以它创造了这种令人难以置信的氛围，然后就有了所有这些灯光。
Like, we see the candelabra under the stage, but they're not lit under the stage.
就像，我们看到舞台下有烛台，但舞台下并没有点亮。
And so I got to see them on the stage.
所以我必须在舞台上看到他们。
And I got to see the Phantom and Christine at the end of-- I don't know which number it was, but they just disappear.
我在最后看到了幻影和克里斯汀——我不知道那是哪个号码，但他们就这样消失了。
I mean, it's a trapdoor, but you have this effect that they're just disappearing.
我的意思是，这是一个活板门，但你有这样的效果，它们就这样消失了。
And I feel like a little kid, in a way-- just awestruck by all these things that other people have seen so many times.
在某种程度上，我感觉自己像个小孩子——只是对其他人见过很多次的所有这些东西感到敬畏。
11 people who are going to be in the pit closing night are musicians who were there on opening night, back in 1988.
即将参加闭幕式演出之夜的 11 名音乐家都是 1988 年开幕式演出之夜的音乐家。
I was able to reach Lowell Hershey, who, as Jay pointed out in the story, everybody calls the sanest person in the pit.
我联系到了洛厄尔·赫尔希，正如杰伊在故事中指出的那样，每个人都称他是坑里最理智的人。
Like Melanie, Lowell has other gigs lined up for after Phantom closes, here and there.
和梅兰妮一样，洛厄尔在《幻影》关闭后，到处都在排队等待其他演出。
Nothing big, nothing too challenging.
没什么大不了的，也没什么太有挑战性的。
Neither of them imagines playing for another Broadway show, either as a sub or as a regular player.
他们俩都没有想过再参加另一场百老汇演出，无论是作为替补还是作为常规演员。
Lowell, I have to say, was very chill about the closing.
我不得不说，洛厄尔对这次关闭感到非常冷静。
You know, I can't say that I didn't enjoy going to work.
你知道，我不能说我不喜欢工作。
I did.
我做到了。
It's fun for me to do that, and so I will miss that.
这样做对我来说很有趣，所以我会怀念它。
But you know, I think I can find other things that will interest me.
但你知道，我想我可以找到其他我感兴趣的事情。
I don't feel like I'll be bored.
我不觉得我会无聊。
How old were you on the first opening night?
第一个开幕之夜你多大了？
I was 40.
我40岁了。
Ira Glass Can I ask you to go back and imagine, for a second, 40-year-old you on the opening night of Phantom?
Ira Glass：我可以请你回想一下，在《幻影》首映之夜，想象一下第二个 40 岁的你吗？
If you could somehow have said to him, you will be here for 35 years, and you'll be here on closing night of this show, what would that 40-year-old have said?
如果你能以某种方式对他说，你将在这里待 35 年，并且你将在演出闭幕之夜来到这里，那个 40 岁的人会怎么说？
Well, I would have been really happy to have heard that.
嗯，如果我听到这个我会很高兴的。
Because at the time Phantom opened, I had an 11- and a 13-year-old-- two kids, and college was coming up.
因为在 Phantom 开业时，我有一个 11 岁和一个 13 岁的孩子——两个孩子，而且大学即将入学。
And if you told me that Phantom was going to go more than just a few years, and go 35, I would have been thrilled, because that would have meant that I would have some security.
如果你告诉我 Phantom 的寿命不会只有几年，而且会持续 35 年，我会很兴奋，因为这意味着我会有一些安全感。
So yeah, I would have been very happy to have that information.
所以，是的，我会很高兴获得这些信息。
Coming up-- a mom goes underground, goes undercover, to get an urgent message to her daughter.
即将到来——一位母亲潜入地下，卧底，向她的女儿传达紧急信息。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio, when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
Act Two: How I Met My Mother Ira Glass It's This American Life.
第二幕：我如何遇见我的母亲艾拉·格拉斯 这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's program-- "What Lies Beneath," the stories of things and people, usually hidden from view, coming to the surface.
今天的节目——“背后是什么”，通常隐藏在视线之外的事物和人的故事，如今浮出水面。
We've arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。
Act Two, "How I Met My Mother."
第二幕，“我如何认识我的母亲”。
So in some families, what's buried deep below are the true feelings that people have about one another.
所以在一些家庭里，深埋着的是人们对彼此的真实感情。
There's so many people out there who have trouble saying directly what they really feel.
有很多人很难直接说出他们的真实感受。
One of the producers here at our show, Elna Baker, comes from a long line of passive-aggressive communicators.
我们节目的制作人之一埃尔娜·贝克 (Elna Baker) 出身于被动攻击型沟通者行列。
By the way, they know this.
顺便说一句，他们知道这一点。
They own it.
他们拥有它。
When her grandmother wanted to get a message across, a message like, don't leave change lying around, one time, she put an article on the fridge saying, "Toddler Chokes on Penny," and then just left it to everybody else to connect the dots.
有一次，当她的祖母想要传达一条信息时，比如“不要把零钱随处乱放”之类的信息，她在冰箱上贴了一篇文章，上面写着“幼儿被佩妮噎住了”，然后就让其他人把这些点联系起来。
Elna's mother communicates in the same indirect way, which became a problem in the years after Elna left the church.
艾尔娜的母亲也以同样间接的方式进行交流，这在艾尔娜离开教堂后的几年里成为了一个问题。
Elna's family's Mormon, and her mom had some important things that she wanted to say to her.
艾尔娜（Elna）的家人是摩门教徒，她的妈妈有一些重要的事情想对她说。
Here's Elna.
这是艾尔娜。
This all started when I made a joke about me buying weed to my brother.
这一切都始于我开玩笑说我给我哥哥买大麻。
Careful, he said.
小心点，他说。
If Mom were to hear that, she'd send an email to the whole family about how you're an addict.
如果妈妈听到这个，她会向全家人发送一封电子邮件，告诉你你是如何上瘾的。
I laughed.
我笑了。
And then, I was like, wait, what?
然后，我想，等等，什么？
That was way too specific.
那太具体了。
Did Mom send an email to the whole family about me being an addict?
妈妈有没有给全家发邮件说我是个瘾君子？
And he was like, uh, mm, nothing, never mind, which could only mean one thing.
他就像，呃，嗯，没什么，没关系，这只能意味着一件事。
She did.
她做到了。
It took several rounds of questioning before I got the whole story.
经过几轮询问，我才了解了整个事情的经过。
The email he was referencing-- my mom had sent it 10 years ago.
他引用的电子邮件是我妈妈 10 年前发送的。
At the time, I was about to host a comedy show in New York, where me and a bunch of performers would play drinking games on stage.
当时，我正准备在纽约主持一场喜剧表演，我和一帮表演者会在舞台上玩喝酒游戏。
It was called The Drunk Show.
它被称为“醉酒秀”。
The show was being promoted online.
该节目正在网上进行宣传。
My mom, a devout Mormon, saw an article about it and freaked out.
我的妈妈是一位虔诚的摩门教徒，她看到一篇有关这件事的文章后吓坏了。
Mormons don't drink.
摩门教徒不喝酒。
It's against the religion.
这是反对宗教的。
And what I learned from my brother, years after the fact, is that my mom was so worried that I was doing this show, she sent an email to my family, my extended family, uncles, cousins, and family friends who I grew up with, like the Mitchells, the Coxes-- Heidi, my middle school drama teacher.
多年后，我从我哥哥那里了解到，我妈妈非常担心我做这个节目，她给我的家人、我的大家庭、叔叔、表兄弟姐妹和和我一起长大的家庭朋友发了一封电子邮件，比如米切尔一家、考克斯一家——海蒂，我的中学戏剧老师。
"Dear friends," it begins.
“亲爱的朋友们，”它开始了。
"I am writing, because I am concerned about the direction Elna's life has turned.
“我写这封信，是因为我担心艾尔娜生活的走向。
She is spiraling downward, fast."
她正在快速下降。”
My mom then explains to them that I'm doing this event called, The Drunk Show, then writes, "I am very concerned.
然后我妈妈向他们解释说我正在做这个名为“醉酒秀”的活动，然后写道：“我非常担心。
In our family, you are either an alcoholic or a Mormon.
在我们家里，你要么是酒鬼，要么是摩门教徒。
And I think she may be headed in the wrong direction.
我认为她可能正走向错误的方向。
I don't know what I can do personally.
我不知道我个人能做什么。
She doesn't hear me."
她听不见我说话。”
I'm going to interject here-- that I didn't hear her, because she never said anything to me about it.
我要在这里插话——我没有听到她的声音，因为她从来没有对我说过任何关于这件事的事情。
In the email, she inserts a link to the article about The Drunk Show, and then reveals her grand master plan.
在电子邮件中，她插入了有关《醉秀》文章的链接，然后透露了她的宏伟总体计划。
She's been commenting on the article, under fake names, warning me not to do the show.
她一直在用假名评论这篇文章，警告我不要做这个节目。
"Can everyone else please make up fake accounts and also comment?
“其他人可以编造假账号并发表评论吗？
This way, I'll cancel the show." She ends, "Thanks.
这样一来，我就取消演出了。”她最后说道：“谢谢。
Pray for us both, please."
请为我们俩祈祷。”
When I read this email, I was mortified.
当我读到这封电子邮件时，我感到羞愧。
I drink socially.
我在社交场合喝酒。
I'm not an alcoholic.
我不是酒鬼。
But since I'd never intercepted the email, I worried everyone who got it had thought this for years.
但由于我从未拦截过这封电子邮件，我担心收到该电子邮件的每个人多年来都这么想。
I immediately clicked on the link to the article.
我立即点击了文章的链接。
At the bottom of the page, there were four comments from four different people, trolling me, all clearly my mother.
在页面底部，有来自四个不同人的四条评论，对我进行恶搞，显然都是我的母亲。
Her first fake character is Carol from the West Village, who says, quote, "Encouraging irresponsible drinking that could end in hospitalization of performers is an invitation to a lawsuit.
她的第一个假角色是来自西村的卡罗尔，她引用她的话说：“鼓励不负责任的饮酒可能导致表演者住院，这等于招致诉讼。
Don't be idiots."
别是白痴。”
The three other comments escalate from there.
其他三个评论由此升级。
Here's the weirdest part.
这是最奇怪的部分。
She wrote all these comments while she was staying with me.
所有这些评论都是她和我住在一起时写的。
She was in town the week of The Drunk Show.
《醉酒秀》演出那周她在城里。
We slept in the same bed.
我们睡在同一张床上。
But she didn't say a word to me about it.
但她没有对我说过这件事。
As interventions go, it was the least successful one I've ever heard of or could imagine.
就干预措施而言，这是我听说过或能想象到的最不成功的一次。
No one else among the family or friends chimed in.
家人或朋友中没有其他人插话。
And I, the target of the intervention, never knew it happened.
而我，作为干预的目标，从来不知道它发生了。
I never heard of or read the comments online until my brother accidentally let it slip, years later.
我从来没有听说过或读过网上的评论，直到几年后我哥哥不小心泄露了它。
Since I found out about this, I've wondered why my mom chose to communicate this message to me the way she did.
自从我发现这件事后，我想知道为什么我妈妈选择以她的方式向我传达这个信息。
But I've never asked her, because I figured it would just lead to a fight and no answers.
但我从来没有问过她，因为我认为这只会导致一场争吵，而且没有答案。
But we're much closer now than we were when I did The Drunk Show.
但现在我们比我拍《醉秀》时更亲近了。
Why not try?
为什么不尝试呢？
To my surprise, she agreed to talk about it, but on these conditions.
令我惊讶的是，她同意谈论这件事，但有这些条件。
Dad had to be there, in case we needed mediation.
爸爸必须在场，以防我们需要调解。
I had to come home for Christmas in exchange.
作为交换，我不得不回家过圣诞节。
And most importantly, I could only do this story if she got to write the ending, which we'll get to later.
最重要的是，只有她写出结局，我才能写这个故事，我们稍后会讲到。
Talk for a second?
聊一会吗？
Mom Hi, Elna.
妈妈嗨，艾尔娜。
How are you?
你好吗？
Wow, Mom.
哇，妈妈。
Mom I'm trying out a lower voice, because I think my voice is too screechy.
妈妈，我正在尝试降低声音，因为我觉得我的声音太刺耳了。
Don't do that.
不要那样做。
(LAUGHING) Don't spend the whole interview not being yourself.
（笑）不要在整个采访中都表现得不做你自己。
We started at the beginning.
我们从头开始。
How did my mother decide that anonymous comments online would be the best way to reach me?
我母亲是如何决定在线匿名评论是联系我的最佳方式的？
She said my sister, Julia, told her about The Drunk Show.
她说我姐姐朱莉娅告诉她《醉酒秀》的事。
So I'm laying there on the couch.
所以我躺在沙发上。
I'm at your apartment, probably about 5:00 in the morning.
我大概早上 5:00 左右就到了你的公寓。
And I'm stewing over this.
我正在为这个烦恼。
I can't sleep.
我睡不着。
I haven't slept for hours.
我已经好几个小时没有睡觉了。
And then, I just had this little epiphany.
然后，我突然顿悟了。
I can put this on here in somebody else's voice.
我可以用别人的声音把它放在这里。
I don't have to use my own voice.
我不必用我自己的声音。
And then, maybe she'll take it seriously.
然后，也许她会认真对待这件事。
You just need to hear it from New Yorkers.
你只需要听听纽约人的说法即可。
Why?
为什么？
Mom Oh, come on, Elna.
妈妈哦，来吧，埃尔娜。
You're from New York, you live in New York, and you value their opinions.
你来自纽约，住在纽约，你重视他们的意见。
More than yours?
比你的还多吗？
Mom Oh, absolutely.
妈妈哦，绝对是。
Because I'm this fuddy-duddy, old-fashioned Mormon lady that doesn't know anything.
因为我是个古板、老式的摩门教女士，什么都不懂。
You know?
你知道？
I'm, like, from 1950.
我是 1950 年的人。
I'm like June Cleaver.
我就像琼·克利弗。
Are you saying that you are like that, or that I think-- you think I think that?
你是说你是这样的，还是我认为——你认为我是这样认为的？
That's what I think you think I am, yeah.
我认为你也认为我是这样的，是的。
Before things get too tense, my mom and I pull up the comments page together.
在事情变得太紧张之前，我和妈妈一起打开了评论页面。
The first thing I learned was how fleshed out these people were in my mom's mind.
我学到的第一件事就是这些人在我妈妈的脑海里是多么充实。
Like, Carol from the West Village, who warned that irresponsible drinking could lead to lawsuits--
就像来自西村的卡罗尔警告说，不负责任的饮酒可能会导致诉讼——
She's a lawyer.
她是一名律师。
Because that's the way a lawyer would say things, isn't it?
因为这就是律师说话的方式，不是吗？
OK.
好的。
Mom She's dealt with lawsuits that have involved drunk drivers or something with alcohol involved, right?
妈妈 她处理过涉及醉酒司机或涉及酒精的诉讼，对吗？
To be clear, nowhere in the comments does it say Carol is a lawyer.
需要明确的是，评论中没有任何地方说卡罗尔是律师。
For each entry, there's just a name and location, like Don from the Upper West Side.
对于每个条目，只有一个名称和位置，例如来自上西区的 Don。
Pretty ritzy area, right?
相当豪华的区域，对吧？
Elna Baker Mm.
埃尔娜·贝克 M.
Who is Don in your mind?
你心目中的唐是谁？
--who's older.
——谁年纪大。
He used to do, kind of, the old-style comedy.
他以前演过老式喜剧。
Again, reading the comments, you'd never know Don was a comedian.
再说一遍，阅读评论，你永远不会知道唐是一名喜剧演员。
Yeah, he's just disgusted with how comedy has evolved in the last 15 years or so.
是的，他只是对喜剧在过去 15 年左右的发展方式感到厌恶。
What does Don think about me doing this show?
Don 对我做这个节目有何看法？
He says, "Comedy, where you're laughing at the performers and not with the performers, is not comedy.
他说：“喜剧，如果你嘲笑表演者而不是和表演者一起笑，那不是喜剧。
It is tragedy.
这是悲剧。
Is this really what NYC comedy is reduced to?
这真的是纽约喜剧的缩影吗？
Are you really not cleverer than this?"
难道你真的没有比这更聪明吗？”
Why did you think, like, Don saying this to me would reach me?
你为什么认为唐对我说这句话会影响到我？
Well, you love comedians.
嗯，你喜欢喜剧演员。
I mean, it's all about the comedy for you.
我的意思是，这对你来说都是喜剧。
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Mom So of course, if this is not going to be funny, then maybe we shouldn't do this.
妈妈，当然，如果这不好笑，那么也许我们不应该这样做。
The next comment comes from the East Village, from a commenter named, Please.
下一条评论来自东村，来自一位名为“请”的评论者。
OK, so I'm thinking this is a policeman.
好吧，所以我认为这是一名警察。
And his name is Please?
他的名字叫请？
Mom Yeah, Officer Please.
妈妈 是的，请警官。
It doesn't say, "Officer," Mom.
上面没有说“警官，”妈妈。
(LAUGHING) It just says, "Please."
（笑）它只是说：“请”。
What-- why is this policeman writing me?
这个警察为什么给我写信？
Why is he so offended by this show?
为什么他对这个节目这么反感？
Well, he says, "10 years after 9/11, and this is where New York is?
好吧，他说，“9/11 10 年后，这就是纽约吗？
Come on."
来吧。”
The show is on September 17.
演出时间为9月17日。
Mom "I think this week, of all weeks, we should all be a little more sensitive and full of introspection."
妈妈：“我认为这周，在所有的几周中，我们都应该更加敏感一点，充满内省。”
OK.
好的。
Um, can we just-- I think we can both agree that you went-- you went real big on this one.
嗯，我们能不能——我想我们都同意你去了——你在这件事上做得非常大。
I hit the 9/11 button.
我按下了 9/11 按钮。
Elna Baker Her last comment is a straight-up Mormon talking point.
埃尔娜·贝克 (Elna Baker) 她的最后一句话是直截了当的摩门教谈话要点。
Alcoholism and all other addictions take away freedom of choice.
酗酒和所有其他成瘾行为剥夺了选择的自由。
Seven minutes after she posted that, she sent the mass email.
发布该消息七分钟后，她发送了群发电子邮件。
My mom said she went so hard because--
我妈妈说她这么努力是因为——
So I have two uncles who died of alcoholism poisoning.
所以我有两个叔叔都是死于酒精中毒。
My uncle died at age 30.
我叔叔30岁时去世了。
My other uncle came to my wedding completely drunk and ended up dead about two years later, from alcoholism.
我的另一个叔叔喝得酩酊大醉来参加我的婚礼，大约两年后死于酗酒。
Gary's grandfather died of alcoholism.
加里的祖父死于酗酒。
So that's how I get there.
这就是我到达那里的方式。
It's not like it's a Mormon thing.
这不像是摩门教的事情。
It's an experience that has affected me.
这是一次影响我的经历。
It affected my mother.
它影响了我的母亲。
She was just devastated over her brother and his alcoholism.
她只是对她哥哥和他的酗酒感到震惊。
Stopping The Drunk Show meant stopping me from becoming one of these people.
阻止《醉酒秀》意味着阻止我成为这些人中的一员。
My mom says she saw the promo photo of me sipping a drink on the page announcing the show, and thought--
我妈妈说她在节目预告页面上看到了我喝着饮料的宣传照片，然后想——
Has she lost her mind?
她失去理智了吗？
She has relatives who died of alcoholism.
她有亲戚死于酗酒。
She's been taught since she was little girl to be careful around alcohol.
她从小就被教导要小心饮酒。
Has she completely blocked out everything I've ever taught her?
她是否完全封锁了我教给她的一切？
Elna, we've already been there.
艾尔娜，我们已经去过那里了。
You don't hear me!
你没听见我说话！
You just don't hear me.
你只是没听见我说话。
It's just a joke.
这只是一个笑话。
You have to hear it from somebody who you think is credible.
你必须从你认为可信的人那里听到它。
Come on.
快点。
Admit it, Elna.
承认吧，艾尔娜。
You know you would have just laughed.
你知道你只会笑。
You would have called Kevin, you would have had a good laugh, and you would have had the show anyway.
你会打电话给凯文，你会开怀大笑，无论如何你都会观看演出。
But you didn't-- the thing-- Mom Come on, admit it.
但你没有——事情——妈妈，得了吧，承认吧。
Wait.
等待。
Mom You know it.
妈妈你知道的。
You know you would have rolled your eyes at me.
你知道你会对我翻白眼的。
But you didn't even try.
但你根本就没有尝试过。
Mom But Elna, just-- just tell me.
妈妈但是埃尔娜，只是——只是告诉我。
What's the truth on your end?
你的真相到底是什么？
Well, I don't think I-- here's the thing.
嗯，我不认为我——事情是这样的。
I think if you just told me not to do it, I would have-- I would have done exactly what you're saying.
我想如果你只是告诉我不要这样做，我就会——我会完全按照你所说的去做。
But if we'd had a full conversation where we really talked-- like, so for example, I didn't know until just now, until we've had this conversation-- like, I didn't really know that much about your family history with drinking.
但是，如果我们进行了一次完整的对话，我们真正进行了交谈——例如，直到刚才我才知道，直到我们进行了这次对话——就像，我不太了解你的家族饮酒史。
You don't talk about these unpleasant things, so that when you're so against drinking, I think I did think it was just had to do with Mormonism, and not that it had to do with really painful things you witnessed in your life.
你不会谈论这些不愉快的事情，所以当你如此反对饮酒时，我想我确实认为这只是与摩门教有关，而不是与你在生活中目睹的真正痛苦的事情有关。
Because you never told me about them.
因为你从来没有告诉过我他们的事。
I'm sure I've said this statement before in your life.
我确信我以前在你的生活中说过这句话。
In our family, you're either a Mormon or an--
在我们家里，你要么是摩门教徒，要么——
Yeah.
是的。
Mom Yeah, you heard that one before.
妈妈 是的，你以前听说过这个。
She'd said this to me all my life, but I was missing the context.
她一生都对我说过这句话，但我却忽略了上下文。
I've never met any of these family members who drank.
我从来没有见过这些家庭成员喝酒的人。
I don't remember her ever mentioning any of these stories.
我不记得她曾提起过这些故事。
I saw my mother as sheltered.
我看到我的母亲受到庇护。
Almost all her friends are Mormon.
她的朋友几乎都是摩门教徒。
I just thought she doesn't know what she's talking about, which was unfair.
我只是认为她不知道自己在说什么，这不公平。
When I make a radio story, I listen to my interviews over and over again.
当我制作广播故事时，我会一遍又一遍地听我的采访。
And this time, something unusual started to happen.
而这一次，一些不寻常的事情开始发生。
With each listen, my mother sounded less and less like my mother.
每次听，我母亲的声音都越来越不像我的母亲。
Like, I stopped hearing her the way I usually do-- rolling my eyes, getting defensive.
就像，我不再像平常那样听到她说话——翻白眼，变得防御性。
And I actually started to hear what she had to say.
我实际上开始听到她要说的话。
This is the line that struck me the hardest.
这是给我印象最深的一句话。
Elna, we've already been there.
艾尔娜，我们已经去过那里了。
You don't hear me.
你没听见我说话。
She's right.
她是对的。
And I can hear in her voice that this has been hurting her feelings for years.
我从她的声音中听出，这多年来一直伤害着她的感情。
And that's my fault.
那是我的错。
I see why she thinks it's hopeless to talk to me about drinking, about anything.
我明白为什么她认为和我谈论喝酒或任何事情都是没有希望的。
I'm incredibly dismissive.
我非常不屑一顾。
That's my part in this.
这就是我的部分。
And her part-- she was totally upfront about that.
而她的部分——她对此完全坦率。
She didn't want to confront me about drinking, because she has so much trouble with confrontation of any kind, with anyone, going back to when she was young.
她不想因为喝酒的事与我对质，因为她很难与任何人发生任何形式的对抗，这要追溯到她年轻的时候。
I mean, as a little kid, I used to just admit fault to anything that happened in our family in order to get the confrontation to be over with.
我的意思是，作为一个小孩子，我过去常常承认我们家里发生的任何事情的错误，以便结束对抗。
I never understood before this conversation what that feels like for her.
在这次谈话之前我从来不理解她的感受。
She panics, feels trapped, like she needs to run, tightness in her chest, which is what makes this conversation so hard.
她惊慌失措，感觉被困住了，就像她需要逃跑，胸口发紧，这就是让这次谈话如此困难的原因。
This is-- we're doing exactly what I hate to do.
这就是——我们正在做我讨厌做的事情。
What?
什么？
Mom Talk about conflict.
妈妈谈论冲突。
[CHUCKLES]
[笑声]
So what's happening to you when we do it?
那么当我们这样做时，你会发生什么？
Well, let's see, I'm twiddling my thumbs, right?
好吧，让我们看看，我正在摆弄我的拇指，对吧？
I'm feeling my neck turn to stone.
我感觉我的脖子变成了石头。
This cord, which is already coiled up, has been triple-coiled--
这根绳子已经盘成一圈了，已经三圈了——
[CHUCKLES] So yeah.
[笑]所以是的。
Elna Baker Well, thank you for putting yourself in your most uncomfortable place.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）好吧，谢谢你把自己置于最不舒服的境地。
Sure.
当然。
You're welcome, Elna.
不客气，艾尔娜。
Anything for my daughter.
为了我女儿什么都可以。
I knew what this meant.
我知道这意味着什么。
From the tone of her voice, it was time to stop.
从她的语气来看，是时候停下来了。
This was the most direct conversation I've ever had with my mother and the longest real conversation we've ever had.
这是我和母亲进行过的最直接的对话，也是我们进行过的最长的真实对话。
She'd gone above and beyond and did something she did not enjoy, for me.
为了我，她超越了一切，做了她不喜欢的事情。
I could return the favor and call it a day.
我可以报答你的恩情，今天就到此为止了。
Well, folks, my ticket home for Christmas is booked.
好了，伙计们，我圣诞节回家的机票已经订好了。
And now, for the ending my mother requested-- it comes down to three words-- "She was right." Not about me spiraling downward fast, but about The Drunk Show.
现在，对于我母亲要求的结局——归结为三个字——“她是对的。”不是关于我快速下降，而是关于醉秀。
For the record, The Drunk Show was a disaster.
据记录，《醉酒秀》是一场灾难。
I was the one who organized the drinking games, but because I'd only recently left the church, I was brand new to drinking.
我是组织喝酒游戏的人，但因为我刚离开教堂不久，所以对喝酒还是个新手。
And all the penalties in the games were things like, take four shots of whiskey.
比赛中所有的处罚都是诸如喝四杯威士忌之类的。
Things went off the rails quickly.
事情很快就脱轨了。
A performer threw a chair at an audience member.
一名表演者向一名观众扔椅子。
I drunk-dialed my ex from the stage, and the call went so badly, that I started crying in front of the audience.
我在台上喝醉了，给我的前任打电话，通话质量非常糟糕，我开始在观众面前哭泣。
Ira, who was in the show, got blackout drunk-- for the first time in his life, he said-- and then threw up into a trash bag.
节目中的艾拉喝醉了——这是他一生中第一次，他说——然后吐进了垃圾袋。
And someone ended up in the hospital.
有人最终住进了医院。
My mom knew none of those details, of course.
当然，我妈妈对这些细节一无所知。
But big picture-- Carol from the West Village knew what she was talking about when she said irresponsible drinking can lead to hospitalization.
但从大局来看，来自西村的卡罗尔知道自己在说什么，因为她说不负责任的饮酒可能会导致住院。
In other words, Mom was right.
换句话说，妈妈是对的。
Elna Baker is one of the producers of our show and the author of the book, The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance.
埃尔娜·贝克 (Elna Baker) 是我们节目的制作人之一，也是《纽约地区摩门教单身万圣节舞会》一书的作者。
Well, our program was produced today by Aviva DeKornfeld and Lina Misitzis.
嗯，我们今天的节目是由 Aviva DeKornfeld 和 Lina Misitzis 制作的。
The people who put together today's rerun include Alaa Mostafa, Stowe Nelson, Matt Tierney, and Diane Wu.
今天重播的制作人包括 Alaa Mostafa、Stowe Nelson、Matt Tierney 和 Diane Wu。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Our senior editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的高级编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
Our website-- thisamericanlife.org, where you can hear over 700 episodes of our program for absolutely free.
我们的网站 -- thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中完全免费收听我们节目的 700 多集。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
He and I were talking the other day, and he let slip, he has not been listening to our program for weeks.
前几天他和我聊天，他漏嘴了，他已经好几个星期没有听我们的节目了。
Weeks!
几周！
I was like, what?
我当时想，什么？
Totally confronted him about it.
完全与他对质。
And I don't know.
我不知道。
I guess he had a good reason.
我想他有充分的理由。
[SIGHS] I'm just so tired of the sound of your voice.
[叹气]我只是厌倦了你的声音。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week.
下周回来。
I told Torey, I get it.
我告诉托里，我明白了。
You know, and I'm tired of the sound of my voice, too, so I kind of sympathize.
你知道，我也厌倦了自己的声音，所以我有点同情。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。