794: So Close and Yet So Far - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #794 | July 12, 2024 794: So Close and Yet So Far Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 794 集 | 2024 年 7 月 12 日 794：如此近却如此远 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass So, Valerie--
序言： 序言 艾拉·格拉斯 瓦莱丽——
Yes.
是的。
Ira Glass You're a producer here on our show.
Ira Glass 您是我们节目的制片人。
I am.
我是。
Ira Glass Your tone of voice betrays a lack of enthusiasm for the story you're about to tell me.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：你的语气暴露出你对你要告诉我的故事缺乏热情。
Yes.
是的。
I do not find this funny.
我觉得这不好笑。
I find this deeply uncomfortable.
我觉得这非常不舒服。
Valerie Kipnis is one of our younger and newer producers here.
瓦莱丽·基普尼斯 (Valerie Kipnis) 是我们这里年轻、较新的制作人之一。
She's been working on the show for less than a year.
她参与这个节目还不到一年。
And it was other staff members who urged her to come into the studio with me and tell me the story.
是其他工作人员催促她和我一起进入工作室，告诉我这个故事。
Because they think it's funny, even if Valerie doesn't.
因为他们认为这很有趣，即使瓦莱丽不这么认为。
OK.
好的。
Valerie Kipnis OK, so I get on the subway and I see this person I know on the same subway train.
瓦莱丽·基普尼斯（Valerie Kipnis）好的，所以我上了地铁，我在同一辆地铁列车上看到了我认识的这个人。
Well, that's a coincidence.
嗯，这是一个巧合。
It doesn't happen very often.
这种情况并不经常发生。
No. I've never seen this person on this stop before, no. And I'm like, I should say something to this person.
不，我以前从未在这一站见过这个人，不。我想，我应该对这个人说点什么。
And I'm like thinking in my head-- I'm like, all right, I should say something.
我脑子里想——我想，好吧，我应该说点什么。
I should say something.
我应该说点什么。
And then he looks at me.
然后他看着我。
And he makes like direct eye contact.
他喜欢直接的目光接触。
And I'm like, right, this is my chance.
我想，对，这是我的机会。
I'm going to say something right now.
我现在要说点什么。
And I open my mouth.
我张开嘴。
And I'm like-- and then he starts looking at his phone.
我想——然后他开始看手机。
And I'm like, OK, that actually wasn't direct eye contact.
我想，好吧，这实际上不是直接的目光接触。
That was like staring-through-you eye contact.
这就像凝视你的目光接触。
How far are you from him?
你离他有多远？
Valerie Kipnis Six feet.
瓦莱丽·基普尼斯 六英尺。
Six feet?
六英尺？
It's so close, right, but so far.
它是如此接近，对吧，但到目前为止。
She's by the subway doors.
她就在地铁门口。
He's at the pole in the middle of the aisle.
他在过道中间的杆子上。
So then, anyways, in my head, I'm like, OK, he'll probably get off on the next stop.
所以，无论如何，在我的脑海里，我想，好吧，他可能会在下一站下车。
It's not a big deal.
这没什么大不了的。
He hasn't seen me.
他没见过我。
I'll just pretend I don't see him.
我就假装没看见他吧。
But then, a few stops later, he has not gotten off.
但几站后，他还没有下车。
And he comes to stand right next to me, like shoulder to shoulder.
他走到我身边，肩并肩地站着。
And I'm like, oh, my god.
我就像，哦，天哪。
He's definitely noticed me.
他肯定注意到了我。
He's going to say something.
他要说点什么。
I should say something back.
我应该说点什么回来。
And I'm looking.
我正在寻找。
And he's just frantically scrolling on his phone, reading something really important, listening to something.
他只是疯狂地滚动手机，读一些非常重要的东西，听一些东西。
I don't know.
我不知道。
And I'm like, OK-- OK, I won't say anything again.
我想，好吧——好吧，我不会再说什么了。
Because you don't want to interrupt him?
因为你不想打扰他？
Yeah, because I'm like, if he wanted to talk to me, he would say something.
是的，因为我想，如果他想跟我说话，他会说些什么。
She keeps thinking, he'll get off at any minute.
她一直在想，他随时都会下车。
After all, he went to stand by the door, right by her.
说罢，他就站在了门口，就在她身边。
But he doesn't get off, not at the next station or the next or the next.
但他没有下车，没有在下一站或下一站或下一站下车。
And at some point she realizes--
在某个时刻她意识到——
This is going to be a long ride.
这将是一段漫长的旅程。
This isn't one or two stops.
这不是一两站。
This is like a 35-minute subway ride where this person that I know very well is sitting next to me and I'm not saying anything.
这就像乘坐 35 分钟的地铁，我非常熟悉的一个人坐在我旁边，而我什么也没说。
And our shoulders are next to one another's.
我们的肩膀紧挨着。
And the subway is jolting.
而且地铁也很颠簸。
And I feel his shoulder on my shoulder.
我感觉到他的肩膀靠在我的肩膀上。
And I'm like, he's going to notice.
我想，他会注意到的。
But it's too late to say anything at this point.
但现在说什么都晚了。
Wait, wait, let me just pause on that.
等等，等等，让我暂停一下。
Because now the fact that you haven't said something makes it more awkward if suddenly you go, oh, it's you.
因为现在你还没有说什么，如果你突然说，哦，是你，那就更尴尬了。
Exactly.
确切地。
But then it's-- in my head, I'm like, it's even more awkward if he turns to me and is like, has she been here the whole time and hasn't said anything?
但在我的脑海里，我想，如果他转向我并且说，她一直都在这里却什么也没说，那就更尴尬了？
So in my head, I think this is a good idea.
所以在我看来，我认为这是一个好主意。
And I take out a magazine.
我拿出一本杂志。
And I flip it open as if I'm reading it.
我把它打开，就像我正在读它一样。
But I go like this.
但我就是这样走的。
So you're holding the magazine up to your face?
所以你把杂志举到脸上了？
Uh-huh, so he won't see me.
嗯嗯，这样他就不会看到我了。
Ira Glass Just so it's clear what we're describing here.
Ira Glass：只是为了让我们在这里描述的内容更加清楚。
Valerie is holding the magazine to her face so the top of the magazine is near her hairline.
瓦莱丽将杂志举到脸上，使杂志的顶部靠近她的发际线。
So she's like a nearly blind monk trying to squint at words in a Bible, or like an extra in an old musical where-- I don't know-- Sky Masterson or Auntie Mame or whoever is going to walk into a subway car.
所以她就像一个近乎失明的和尚，试图眯着眼睛看圣经中的文字，或者像一部古老音乐剧中的临时演员——我不知道——斯凯·马斯特森或阿姨马梅或任何要走进地铁车厢的人。
And everybody in the car has a magazine held up to his or her face so that they can pull them down on cue and start singing.
车里的每个人都把一本杂志举到脸上，这样他们就可以在提示时把杂志拉下来并开始唱歌。
The magazine is too close to her eyes to actually read it.
这本杂志距离她的眼睛太近，无法真正阅读。
No normal human reads magazines in this way.
正常人不会以这种方式阅读杂志。
And the whole time I'm thinking, he's going to notice that I didn't say anything and why didn't I-- and I keep thinking, should I have just said something?
在我思考的整个过程中，他会注意到我什么也没说，为什么我没有——我一直在想，我应该说些什么吗？
I don't know.
我不知道。
Do you think it's possible that he's having the same experience you're having?
你认为他有可能和你有同样的经历吗？
Because I don't think people feel-- I don't know.
因为我不认为人们有这样的感觉——我不知道。
I don't think people feel this way.
我不认为人们有这样的感觉。
Do people feel this way?
人们有这样的感觉吗？
But, no, I don't think he notices me.
但是，不，我认为他没有注意到我。
Or if he does, this makes this so much worse.
或者如果他这样做了，这会让事情变得更糟。
No. Ira Glass It sounds like you're scared of them.
不。艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 听起来你很害怕他们。
No, I'm not scared of them.
不，我不怕他们。
But scared in a normal scared kind of way.
但以一种正常的害怕方式感到害怕。
What do you mean by that?
你这是什么意思？
Valerie Kipnis Well, this guy's my boss.
瓦莱丽·基普尼斯 好吧，这家伙是我的老板。
Are you serious?
你是认真的？
Valerie Kipnis Yes, 100%.
瓦莱丽·基普尼斯 是的，100%。
[CHUCKLING] I absolutely did not see you.
[咯咯笑]我绝对没有看到你。
See?
看？
I knew it.
我就知道。
But I was sweating underneath my winter jacket.
但我的冬衣下面却出汗了。
It was one of the worst 40 minutes in my life.
这是我一生中最糟糕的 40 分钟之一。
Yeah, I didn't see you.
是的，我没有看到你。
If I had seen you, I would have said "hello."
如果我看到你，我会说“你好”。
But, OK, can I tell you another detail that's important?
但是，好吧，我可以告诉你另一个重要的细节吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Valerie Kipnis This is so weird.
瓦莱丽·基普尼斯 这太奇怪了。
You weren't wearing a suit.
你没穿西装。
And in my head, I had never seen you without a suit.
在我的脑海里，我从来没有见过你不穿西装。
So I thought, maybe he doesn't want to be perceived.
所以我想，也许他不想被人察觉。
I was just like, maybe this is Ira's private time.
我当时想，也许这是艾拉的私人时间。
So it was like seeing a teacher outside of the classroom when you're in elementary school?
这就像你上小学时在教室外看到老师一样吗？
It just seemed wrong that you were seeing me there without my uniform on.
你看到我没穿制服就在那里，这似乎是不对的。
Yes, yes, you were wearing sneakers.
是的，是的，你穿着运动鞋。
I'd never seen you wear sneakers.
我从没见过你穿运动鞋。
And I was like, I can't-- I can't say anything now.
我当时想，我不能——我现在不能说什么。
What was I doing?
我在做什么？
Valerie Kipnis Frantically scrolling on your phone.
瓦莱丽·基普尼斯 (Valerie Kipnis) 疯狂地滚动手机。
When you say frantically scrolling through my phone, I was frantic for like a 30-minute subway ride?
当你说疯狂刷手机时，我疯狂地坐了30分钟的地铁？
I think you were actually reading something.
我认为你实际上在读一些东西。
It was not frantic in any way.
无论如何，它并不疯狂。
But in my head, I was like, he's frantically trying to avoid me so he's scrolling.
但在我的脑海里，我想，他疯狂地试图避开我，所以他正在滚动。
No, but I thought you'd be annoyed.
不，但我以为你会生气。
You'd be like, hey, I didn't say anything for a reason, Val.
你会说，嘿，我什么都没说是有原因的，瓦尔。
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass Were you raised by people who didn't provide you a lot of reassurance that they liked you?
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：抚养你长大的人是否没有向你保证他们喜欢你？
It's kind of hard to get my head around it that she and I stood next to each other on a train for half an hour and our shoulders were knocking against each other and I didn't notice her and she said nothing and held a magazine to her face like a force field protecting herself and keeping us separate.
令我难以理解的是，我和她在火车上并肩站了半个小时，我们的肩膀互相碰撞，我没有注意到她，她什么也没说，把一本杂志举到脸上，就像一个力场保护自己，让我们分开。
Mm-hm.
嗯嗯。
Valerie Kipnis Why didn't you see me?
瓦莱丽·基普尼斯 你为什么没看到我？
Oh, I can totally tell you why I didn't see you.
哦，我完全可以告诉你为什么我没有见到你。
OK.
好的。
Ira Glass I just really can shut out the world really, really well and just decide to focus on something.
Ira Glass 我真的可以非常非常好地与世界隔绝，然后决定专注于某件事。
And then in a work context, it's really handy.
然后在工作环境中，它真的很方便。
I can write anywhere.
我可以在任何地方写作。
But in personal situations, all the time-- I don't know-- I can be in the same room as somebody and be thinking about something or focused on something.
但在个人情况下，我不知道，我总是可以和某人在同一个房间里，思考某事或专注于某事。
I totally shut them out.
我完全把他们拒之门外。
They'll say something to me and I don't even hear it, which is bad.
他们会对我说一些话，但我根本听不到，这很糟糕。
And the people in my life don't love this.
我生活中的人不喜欢这个。
And this thing on the train is an example of it.
火车上的这个事情就是一个例子。
It's funny.
很有趣。
I feel the exact opposite in a bad way.
我的感觉却很糟糕。
You're just always aware of others around you?
你总是留意周围的人吗？
Hyper aware to the point where I make up things maybe or I misperceive.
高度意识到我可能会编造事情或者我会误解。
Yeah.
是的。
That seems hard.
这似乎很难。
Valerie Kipnis Yeah.
瓦莱丽·基普尼斯 是的。
Today on our show, we have other stories of people who are so close, but so far.
今天在我们的节目中，我们还有其他一些故事，讲述了那些如此亲密却又如此遥远的人。
Act 1 is about two people in one of the closest relationships possible.
第一幕讲述的是处于最亲密关系之一的两个人的故事。
They're engaged to be married.
他们订婚了。
But they have this distance between them that they cannot make sense of.
但他们之间的距离却是他们无法理解的。
Act 2, comedian Tig Notaro has a story of somebody as close as her actual bedside, and also in another way, impossibly far away.
在第二幕中，喜剧演员蒂格·诺塔罗讲述了一个故事，讲述了一个人离她的床边近在咫尺，但又以另一种方式距离她近得不可思议的距离。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act 1, Love and Other Exports.
第一幕，爱和其他出口。
How much can you trust whether somebody who you think is close to you really is close to you?
你能在多大程度上相信你认为与你亲近的人是否真的与你亲近？
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Jr. has been thinking about that question since visiting with some of his childhood friends.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Jr. 自从拜访了他儿时的一些朋友以来，他一直在思考这个问题。
Saidu was born in Sierra Leone, but moved to the States when he was little.
赛杜出生于塞拉利昂，但小时候移居美国。
His story starts in Freetown during a recent trip home.
他的故事始于最近一次在弗里敦的回家之旅。
Heads up, this story acknowledges the existence of sex.
注意，这个故事承认性的存在。
When I left Sierra Leone at eight years old, I left behind a small group of friends I did everything with.
当我八岁时离开塞拉利昂时，我留下了一小群和我一起做任何事的朋友。
As kids, we would run around the city and play soccer at the beach.
小时候，我们会在城市里奔跑，在海滩上踢足球。
That's how we bonded.
我们就是这样结下不解之缘的。
Now that we're grown when I go back, we go to the gym.
现在当我回去时我们已经长大了，我们会去健身房。
It's how we pick up where we left off.
这就是我们从上次中断的地方继续的方式。
[GRUNTING] My friends have this one particular gym they like.
[咕噜声]我的朋友们有一个他们特别喜欢的健身房。
It's called Sonics.
它的名字叫超音速。
Sonics sits at the end of a dirt road in Freetown, a small space in a quaint green and yellow building.
超音速公司坐落在弗里敦一条土路的尽头，是一栋古色古香的绿色和黄色建筑中的一个小空间。
It has no air conditioning and relentless heat.
它没有空调，而且酷热难耐。
So the guys are usually drenched in sweat like oiled-up extras in '90s R&B videos.
因此，这些家伙通常都大汗淋漓，就像 90 年代 R&B 视频中涂满油的临时演员一样。
I come here almost every time I'm in Salone.
我几乎每次去Salone都会来这里。
But then the last time we went, I discovered that for many of the guys here, all their crunches and squats had a much deeper purpose than looking good.
但上次我们去的时候，我发现对于这里的许多人来说，他们所有的仰卧起坐和深蹲都有比看起来更好更深层的目的。
The gym, my friends told me, possesses a special luck for young Sierra Leonean men who want to move to America or Europe.
我的朋友告诉我，健身房对于想要移居美国或欧洲的塞拉利昂年轻男子来说具有特殊的运气。
They believe that if you use the weights here to sculpt your body, make it beautiful enough, you will find a wife overseas, and that Sonics has a track record to prove it.
他们相信，如果你用这里的举重来塑造你的身体，让它足够漂亮，你就会在海外找到一个妻子，而超音速的记录可以证明这一点。
A member named Savage told me about how foolproof this method has been for previous members.
一位名叫 Savage 的会员告诉我，这种方法对于以前的会员来说是多么万无一失。
He's speaking in Krio.
他用克里奥语说话。
I'll paraphrase after.
后面我再转述一下。
We not ever get a situation where we get member, we meet with JC, then they normally come up together.
我们从来没有遇到过这样的情况：我们招募了会员，我们与 JC 会面，然后他们通常会一起出现。
We've never had a Sonics member who dates someone visiting from overseas who doesn't end up marrying them.
我们从来没有一个超音速成员与海外来访的人约会但最终没有结婚。
Oh, yes.
哦是的。
Oh, yes.
哦是的。
We have barrage of them, barrage of them.
我们有他们的弹幕，他们的弹幕。
Another member of Sonics, this guy with perfectly sculpted arms called Sultan, jumped in to name their legends, the guys they've heard found wives overseas, success stories that get passed around at the gym.
超音速队的另一名成员，这个有着完美手臂雕塑的家伙叫苏丹，他跳出来讲述了他们的传奇人物，他们听说过的那些在海外找到妻子的人，以及在健身房里流传的成功故事。
There was a driver who chauffeured a Black American woman around Freetown while she was visiting, always making sure to look presentable doing it.
有一名司机在一位美国黑人妇女访问弗里敦时为她提供司机，他总是确保自己看起来得体。
He made a good impression.
他给人留下了很好的印象。
They got married.
他们结婚了。
And he just went to America a few months ago.
他几个月前刚刚去了美国。
Scientis...
科学家...
Alpha...
阿尔法...
Saidu Tejan-Thomas There was the handsome photographer who got a random phone call from a Sierra Leonean woman living in London.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 有一位英俊的摄影师接到了一位居住在伦敦的塞拉利昂妇女的随机电话。
It was a wrong number but he charmed his way into a conversation, sent her some photos of his biceps, and they got married last year.
这是一个错误的号码，但他用魅力进入了谈话，给她发了一些他的二头肌照片，然后他们去年结婚了。
He's now living with her in London.
他现在和她住在伦敦。
I respected the hustle.
我尊重喧嚣。
But their plans somehow didn't sit right with me.
但他们的计划不知怎的并不适合我。
The idea of guys I grew up with, men in my country using their bodies to get overseas, it made me uncomfortable.
和我一起长大的人，我国家的男人利用自己的身体去海外的想法让我感到不舒服。
But then I sat down with a few of the guys and we started to talk.
但后来我和几个人坐下来，我们开始交谈。
And I realized beneath the surface, beyond all the muscles, confidence, and bravado, all of these men were carrying around a broken heart, which brings me to the guy I wanted to talk to the most, my friend Mark.
我意识到，在表面之下，除了所有的肌肉、自信和虚张声势之外，所有这些人都带着一颗破碎的心，这让我找到了我最想与之交谈的人，我的朋友马克。
(SINGING) How do I breathe?
（唱）我如何呼吸？
How do I breathe?
我如何呼吸？
Mark and I grew up in the same neighborhood.
马克和我在同一个社区长大。
But we didn't really get to know each other until we were grown.
但直到我们长大后，我们才真正了解彼此。
He's a good-looking guy who's easy to talk to.
他是一个相貌英俊，很容易交谈的人。
Not the greatest singer, but we were hanging out one day and he decided to sing me his favorite love song.
不是最伟大的歌手，但有一天我们一起出去玩，他决定给我唱他最喜欢的情歌。
(SINGING) --feels so different being here.
（唱歌）——在这里感觉很不一样。
I was so used to being next to you.
我已经习惯了在你身边。
Life for me is not the same.
我的生活不一样了。
There is no one to talk to.
没有人可以说话。
Mario's "How Do I Breathe," one of my favorite songs, is a song about a guy trying to piece together his emotional life after losing the woman he loves.
马里奥的《我如何呼吸》是我最喜欢的歌曲之一，这首歌讲述了一个男人在失去他所爱的女人后试图拼凑他的情感生活的故事。
It's basically Mark's story.
这基本上是马克的故事。
It's why he's the one of my friends who believes most fervently that finding love overseas is the way to go.
这就是为什么他是我最热切地相信在海外寻找爱情的最佳途径的朋友之一。
The girl he's singing about is someone he grew up with.
他唱的那个女孩是和他一起长大的人。
Mark says she was the smartest kid in their fifth grade class.
马克说她是五年级班上最聪明的孩子。
But she was always approachable.
但她总是平易近人。
And he liked that.
他喜欢这样。
He liked that they could joke together.
他喜欢他们可以一起开玩笑。
After lessons, they would go to the beach and talk for hours, getting to know each other.
课后，他们会去海滩聊上几个小时，互相了解。
He says she was the first person who taught him how to love.
他说她是第一个教会他如何去爱的人。
Like this one day, he walked home from prayers and as soon as he opened the door, he saw her standing there with all his best friends from school, his family, everyone, singing.
就像有一天，他做完祈祷走回家，一打开门，就看到她和他学校里最好的朋友、他的家人、每个人都站在那里唱歌。
Happy birthday to you.
祝你生日快乐。
Really surprised me.
真的让我很惊讶。
Come, you hug me.
来，你抱抱我。
It's like, ah!
就好像，啊！
Really, really happy-- I really, really-- I was just-- I just start crying.
真的，真的很高兴——我真的，真的——我只是——我开始哭了。
She'd planned this elaborate surprise party for his 14th birthday, complete with all his favorite food and all the people he loved.
她为他的 14 岁生日精心策划了一场惊喜派对，包括所有他最喜欢的食物和所有他爱的人。
And on top of all that, she gave him a kiss.
最重要的是，她给了他一个吻。
Was it on your cheek or your mouth or your lips?
是在你的脸颊、嘴巴还是嘴唇上？
On my lips, in front of everybody-- so in front of my mom, in front of [KRIO], in front of me grandpa, me granny.
在我的嘴唇上，在每个人面前——所以在我妈妈面前，在[KRIO]面前，在我爷爷、我奶奶面前。
[LAUGHTER] The kiss was so special to me, than all the kiss that anyone would ever kiss me.
[笑声] 这个吻对我来说是如此特别，比任何人都会吻我的吻都重要。
So that was the most special kiss that you've ever had?
那是你经历过的最特别的吻吗？
That was like the best-- that's the best kiss you've ever had?
这就像最好的——这是你有过的最好的吻？
The best ever.
有史以来最好的。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Neither of them came from money, far from it.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 他们两人都不是出身于金钱，而且远非金钱。
But Mark was growing up with a single parent.
但马克是在单亲家庭中长大的。
When his mother couldn't afford to care for him, he lived with his grandpa.
当他的母亲无力照顾他时，他就和爷爷住在一起。
But then his grandpa died.
但后来他的爷爷去世了。
Then his mother died.
然后他的母亲去世了。
And Mark became an orphan.
马克成了孤儿。
He says his relationship with this woman was one of the few things in his life that felt stable.
他说他和这个女人的关系是他一生中为数不多的感觉稳定的事情之一。
With her, he could dream.
有了她，他就可以梦想。
He could escape into one of their long talks about how sweet their lives would be in the future.
他可以躲进他们的一场长谈中，谈论他们未来的生活将是多么甜蜜。
I reached out to her to get her side of this, but she didn't want to be involved with my story and she wouldn't confirm anything Mark said.
我联系了她，希望得到她的支持，但她不想参与我的故事，也不会证实马克所说的任何事情。
The way Mark tells it though, they had decided-- she would work in the energy industry.
不过，按照马克的说法，他们已经决定——她将在能源行业工作。
He would become a lawyer.
他将成为一名律师。
They wanted three to four kids, a house in Salone.
他们想要三到四个孩子，在沙龙买一套房子。
Maybe they'd travel sometimes.
也许他们有时会去旅行。
I love the way he describes the love he had for her.
我喜欢他描述他对她的爱的方式。
So real to me, no...
对我来说太真实了，不...
Saidu Tejan-Thomas She was so real to me.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 她对我来说是如此真实。
If I get or not get, e nor wan know how i dae or how i look lek, na love e bin get for me.
如果我得到或没有得到，你也不想知道我的样子或我的样子，我爱你为我得到。
She didn't care if I had money or didn't have money.
她不在乎我有钱没钱。
She didn't care how I looked.
她不在乎我的样子。
It's love she had for me.
这是她对我的爱。
And you thought to yourself, this is going to be my wife.
你心里想，这将是我的妻子。
Yeah, she's going to be my wife in the future since then.
是啊，从那以后她就是我的妻子了。
After they graduated high school, she got a scholarship to attend university abroad.
高中毕业后，她获得了出国大学的奖学金。
Mark says she tried to put in a good word for him to get the same scholarship, but it didn't work out.
马克说，她试图为他说好话，以获得同样的奖学金，但没有成功。
Still, he encouraged her to go.
尽管如此，他还是鼓励她去。
And for three years, they continued their relationship via WhatsApp and Facebook.
三年来，他们通过 WhatsApp 和 Facebook 继续保持着联系。
She told him she was one of the top students in her class.
她告诉他，她是班上最优秀的学生之一。
Back home, Mark was struggling.
回到家后，马克陷入了困境。
He had no money, no parents, no connections in a country with no reliable jobs for young people.
他没有钱，没有父母，在一个年轻人没有可靠工作的国家里没有关系。
His dreams of becoming a lawyer were fading.
他成为一名律师的梦想正在破灭。
But word of his girlfriend's success was starting to get around the wider Sierra Leonean community.
但他女朋友成功的消息开始在更广泛的塞拉利昂社区传播。
Guys were sliding into her DMs on socials.
男人们纷纷在社交媒体上私聊她。
And whenever that happened, she would tell Mark and then block them immediately, until someone new approached her.
每当这种情况发生时，她都会告诉马克，然后立即阻止他们，直到有新人接近她。
One time when I was sitting down, she told me that I have this guy.
有一次，当我坐下来时，她告诉我，我有这个人。
The guy was a Sierra Leonean doctor.
那个人是一位塞拉利昂医生。
He had seen one picture of Mark's girlfriend and decided that she would be his wife.
他看到了马克女朋友的一张照片，并决定她将成为他的妻子。
Mark says she tried to ignore him, but the man contacted her family and formally asked for her hand.
马克说，她试图无视他，但该男子联系了她的家人，并正式向她求婚。
She told Mark they were pressuring her to accept, telling her that a marriage with this man could not only change her future, but her entire family's too.
她告诉马克，他们正在向她施加压力，让她接受，并告诉她，与这个男人的婚姻不仅可以改变她的未来，还可以改变她整个家庭的未来。
He watched as the nine years of their relationship unraveled over a short series of tearful WhatsApp calls.
他目睹了他们九年的关系因一连串泪流满面的 WhatsApp 通话而分崩离析。
Nothing Mark could say, nothing he could do, nothing he could offer her or her family was enough to convince them to choose him over a doctor.
无论马克说什么、做什么、为她或她的家人提供什么，都不足以说服他们选择他而不是医生。
A few months later, he says she received the ring via DHL and was married to this stranger.
几个月后，他说她通过 DHL 收到了戒指，并与这个陌生人结婚了。
A doctor who don't know where you are from, who doesn't know [SUCKS TEETH].
一个不知道你来自哪里、不知道[吮吸牙齿]的医生。
After all the plans, after all the promises, disappointment.
在所有的计划、所有的承诺之后，失望。
Love became disappointment?
爱情变成了失望？
Mark Yes, it changes everything because she met somebody, a doctor.
马克 是的，这改变了一切，因为她遇到了一个人，一位医生。
The moment will hurt me the most in my life.
这一刻将是我一生中伤害最深的时刻。
The visionary feminist writer bell hooks says love is made up of seven parts.
有远见的女权主义作家贝尔·胡克斯说，爱情由七部分组成。
Wherever someone is practicing care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, and open, honest communication, there is love, even in an economically poor environment like Salone.
只要有人实践关心、关爱、认可、尊重、承诺、信任以及开放、诚实的沟通，哪里就有爱，即使是在像沙龙这样经济贫困的环境中。
But talking to Mark, I found myself thinking more about what love needs to survive, what conditions can make the act of loving easier or more difficult to sustain.
但与马克交谈时，我发现自己更多地思考爱需要什么才能生存，什么条件可以使爱的行为更容易或更难以维持。
Mark felt like he couldn't compete because of money.
马克觉得他因为钱而无法竞争。
And he was right.
他是对的。
Not everyone has equal access to love.
并不是每个人都有平等的机会获得爱情。
I feel like crying.
我感觉很想哭。
But it's shameful to cry before you.
但在你面前哭泣是可耻的。
[LAUGHTER]
[笑声]
You feel like crying, but you're ashamed to cry in front of me?
你很想哭，却羞于在我面前哭？
You should cry!
你应该哭！
In the years since I left Salone, I had fantasies about the lives of people back home.
离开沙龙后的这些年里，我对家乡人们的生活充满了幻想。
Our country had been ravaged by years of war that left a lot of heartache, suffering, and poverty in its wake.
我们的国家饱受多年战争的蹂躏，留下了许多心痛、痛苦和贫困。
But I believe that through all of that, people had each other, that they had this unbreakable bond that was vital to our survival.
但我相信，经历了这一切，人们彼此拥有，他们拥有这种牢不可破的纽带，这对我们的生存至关重要。
But Mark was telling me that was wrong.
但马克告诉我这是错误的。
I don't think-- love is not here.
我不认为——爱不在这里。
If it is, it's at 10% or 5%.
如果是的话，也是 10% 或 5%。
If it is, only 10% or 5% have true love.
如果是的话，只有10%或5%的人拥有真爱。
It wasn't just Mark.
不仅仅是马克。
Almost every guy I talked to in Freetown told me the same thing.
几乎每个我在弗里敦交谈过的人都告诉我同样的事情。
It felt like there was this lovelessness among the men in Salone.
感觉沙龙里的男人们都缺乏爱。
Every time I raised a question-- and I talked to around 18 or 19 people-- they'd launch into their own stories of heartbreak.
每当我提出问题时——我与大约 18 或 19 个人进行了交谈——他们都会讲述自己的心碎故事。
I heard it from the taxi drivers, coconut salesmen, hotel bellhops, random guys on the street-- women too.
我从出租车司机、椰子推销员、酒店服务生、街上随意的男人那里听到了这样的说法——还有女人。
The guys at Sonics gym said they'd all gone through it and independently landed on the same math.
超音速体育馆的人说他们都经历过这个过程并且独立地得到了相同的数学结果。
I asked them what percent of people without money in Salone find true love.
我问他们在沙龙没有钱的人中找到真爱的比例是多少。
What's the percent of true love without money in Salone?
沙龙里没有钱的真爱有多少？
I say, yeah, sure.
我说，是的，当然。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas When I ask my friends in America the same question about finding love without money, they say 60% to 80%.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 当我问我的美国朋友同样的问题，关于如何在没有金钱的情况下寻找爱情时，他们说 60% 到 80%。
If love was like everything else these guys couldn't afford in Salone, if it really was a luxury, it made sense to me that they thought the best course of action was to look for it abroad.
如果爱情就像这些人在沙龙里买不起的其他东西一样，如果它真的是一种奢侈，那么对我来说，他们认为最好的行动方针就是在国外寻找爱情，这是有道理的。
It was a way to solve two problems at once.
这是一种同时解决两个问题的方法。
They could move to a country where poverty was less rampant and true love was more accessible.
他们可以搬到一个贫困较少、更容易获得真爱的国家。
But I wondered about it.
但我想知道这一点。
Where would it lead them?
它将把他们引向何方？
For Mark, it led him to the place most of us turn to for finding love these days, the internet.
对于马克来说，这让他找到了当今我们大多数人寻找爱情的地方：互联网。
Let me see the first message you sent this person.
让我看看您向此人发送的第一条消息。
This one is really long.
这一篇实在是太长了。
Really long.
真的很长。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Mark got on Facebook.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Mark 加入了 Facebook。
And he started sliding into as many DMs as possible.
他开始尽可能多地私信我。
He didn't care about age or race or religion, just anyone who was over 18 and overseas who might be interested in a relationship.
他不关心年龄、种族或宗教，只关心任何可能对恋爱关系感兴趣的年满 18 岁的海外人士。
OK, so just tell me what you're saying in these messages.
好的，请告诉我您在这些消息中所说的内容。
Just read them.
只需阅读它们即可。
Hello, Patricia-- Patricia, lover, how are you doing, dear?
你好，帕特里夏——帕特里夏，亲爱的，你好吗？
And she said "OK." I said, "OK, dear, it's good to hear." Then I said, "I am Mark.
她说：“好的。”我说：“好吧，亲爱的，很高兴听到这个消息。”然后我说：“我是马克。
Nice meeting you, dear." Then she replied, "Same here."
很高兴认识你，亲爱的。”然后她回答说：“这里也一样。”
So you're writing a lot.
所以你写了很多。
You're writing a lot.
你写了很多。
[LAUGHTER] You're writing a lot.
[笑声]你写了很多。
She's only responding with like one word, two word answers.
她只用一个词、两个词的答案来回应。
Yeah.
是的。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas In his search for a new relationship, Mark messaged over 150 random people on Facebook.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 为了寻找新的关系，Mark 在 Facebook 上随机给 150 多个人发了消息。
I said to her, Wilson, she's in America.
我对她说，威尔逊，她在美国。
Salma Amed America.
萨尔玛·艾美德美国。
Some messaged back.
有的回复了。
Mark [KRIO] America, coming to country, Brazil.
马克[KRIO]美国，来到巴西国家。
There was a single mom in Brazil who liked his muscles, the Sierra Leonean student in Sydney who talked to him because he reminded her of home, the nurse in London who thought he was good banter.
巴西有位单亲妈妈喜欢他的肌肉，悉尼的塞拉利昂学生与他交谈是因为他让她想起了家乡，伦敦的护士则认为他很会开玩笑。
Whenever he came across married women, he would keep it pushing.
每当他遇到已婚妇女时，他都会继续推动。
But he was hoping to connect with almost anyone overseas.
但他希望与几乎所有海外人建立联系。
It makes me feel good, like, talking to someone that is far away from me, like someone that is in America, you-- it would make me feel like-- I would just close my eyes.
这让我感觉很好，就像和一个远离我的人说话，比如在美国的人，你——这会让我感觉——我会闭上眼睛。
I feel like I'm in America.
我感觉就像在美国。
Listening to Mark, it was like I was watching an episode of 90 Day Fiancé, but seeing the side of the story I'd always wanted to see, the version where the hopes and dreams of the foreign spouse were finally center stage.
听马克的讲述，就像我在看《90天未婚夫》的一集，但看到了我一直想看到的故事的一面，外国配偶的希望和梦想终于成为中心舞台的版本。
My friend Mark was eagerly searching for a love that could transform his life.
我的朋友马克热切地寻找一种可以改变他生活的爱情。
He made a few connections, but most women weren't interested in a long distance relationship with a guy all the way in West Africa.
他建立了一些联系，但大多数女人对与远在西非的男人建立远距离关系不感兴趣。
So Mark struck out again and again.
于是马克一次又一次地出击。
He found Lottie.
他找到了洛蒂。
Mark Lottie Rebecca Beasely.
马克·洛蒂·丽贝卡·比斯利。
Lottie Rebecca Beasley.
洛蒂·丽贝卡·比斯利。
Mark She's my fiance-- she's my girlfriend.
马克 她是我的未婚夫——她是我的女朋友。
Because we don't get married to each other yet because of the distance.
因为距离太远，我们还没有结婚。
She's in America.
她在美国。
I'm in Africa.
我在非洲。
Lottie Rebecca Beasley was a Black woman Mark met through Facebook.
洛蒂·丽贝卡·比斯利是马克通过 Facebook 认识的一位黑人女性。
And he just loved how regal her name sounded, Lottie Rebecca Beasley.
他很喜欢她的名字，洛蒂·丽贝卡·比斯利，听起来多么高贵。
You've got to say all three.
你必须把这三个都说出来。
She had kind eyes, a warm smile, and she lived in this state that Mark had never heard of.
她有着慈祥的眼神，温暖的微笑，她的生活状态是马克从未听说过的。
Fairbanks, Alaska, in the morning there, here it's midnight.
阿拉斯加费尔班克斯，那里是早晨，这里是午夜。
1:00, 2:00, 3:00 AM in the morning, I usually wake up just to talk to Lottie until 5:00 or 6:00 AM.
早上 1:00、2:00、3:00，我通常会起床只是为了和 Lottie 说话，直到凌晨 5:00 或 6:00。
It's all in the morning hours.
一切都发生在早上。
But the nine hour time difference wasn't the only obstacle.
但九个小时的时差并不是唯一的障碍。
There was another distance too.
还有另一个距离。
She was born on 1949.
她出生于1949年。
She just turned 73 years of age this past September.
今年九月她刚满73岁。
And did you know that before you clicked on her profile?
在点击她的个人资料之前您知道这一点吗？
No. Saidu Tejan-Thomas A 70-year-old woman wasn't what Mark expected.
不。 Saidu Tejan-Thomas 一位 70 岁的女性并不是马克所期望的那样。
Most of the guys at the gym who had been successful had ended up with wives closer to their own age.
大多数在健身房取得成功的人最终都娶了与自己年龄相近的妻子。
But while Mark had been casting a wide net in search of a relationship that could change his life, he was also open to meeting a new friend.
尽管马克一直在广泛撒网寻找一段可以改变他生活的关系，但他也愿意结识新朋友。
So he didn't overthink the age thing with Lottie.
所以他并没有过多考虑洛蒂的年龄问题。
And she was calm about it too.
而她对此也很平静。
In her very first message, she roasted him about how young he was.
在她的第一条信息中，她嘲笑他多么年轻。
They jusy say hey, who are you, little boy?
他们只是说嘿，小男孩，你是谁？
Who are you, little boy?
你是谁，小男孩？
What do you want?
你想要什么？
I said, I'm not a little boy.
我说，我不是小孩子。
I'm a man.
我是一个男人。
21 or, 22, yeah, 21 or 22.
21 或 22，是的，21 或 22。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Mark was young, but he's a good listener.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Mark 很年轻，但他是一个很好的倾听者。
Before long, Lottie was telling him all about her life.
不久之后，洛蒂向他讲述了她的生活。
She'd gone through a lot of heartbreak too.
她也经历过很多心碎。
She'd been married three times, had five children.
她结过三次婚，育有五个孩子。
And after one of her husbands had become abusive, she needed to get away.
当她的一位丈夫开始施虐后，她需要离开。
That's how she ended up in Alaska.
这就是她最终来到阿拉斯加的原因。
She made the best of it, started her own business caring for the elderly, and was moving on with her life.
她充分利用了这一点，开始了自己的事业，照顾老人，并继续自己的生活。
She wanted to know about Mark too.
她也想了解马克。
What about my life?
我的生活呢？
How I lost my father, I lost my mother.
我如何失去了我的父亲，我就失去了我的母亲。
She said, oh, you're an orphan?
她说，哦，你是孤儿吗？
I said, yes.
我说，是的。
She was having this sympathy for me.
她对我有这种同情心。
She was feeling sorry for me.
她为我感到难过。
For Mark, this thing that began as a friendship was starting to grow.
对于马克来说，这段从友谊开始的事情开始发展。
He saw a potential for a romantic relationship.
他看到了建立浪漫关系的潜力。
But Lottie struggled to see it, even though he felt like she wanted to.
但洛蒂却很难看到它，尽管他觉得她很想看到。
The age difference was too much.
年龄差距太大了。
Mark says most people feel that way.
马克说大多数人都有这种感觉。
So when you tell-- whenever you tell people about Lottie, about your relationship with this--
所以当你告诉——每当你告诉人们洛蒂的事，告诉人们你和这个的关系——
Don't believe.
不信。
Don't believe.
不信。
They all say, this is scam, this is scam.
他们都说，这是骗局，这是骗局。
It's normal, though.
不过这很正常。
People get their own thoughts and get their own thinking.
人们有自己的想法，有自己的想法。
And life, people must talk anything you do in this life.
而生活，人们必须谈论你此生所做的任何事情。
So if you live, if you stop by to listen to everyone, every word they say towards you, trust me, you won't even achieve your goal.
所以，如果你还活着，如果你停下来听每个人、他们对你说的每一句话，相信我，你甚至不会实现你的目标。
Sometimes I'll give them deaf ears.
有时我会对他们充耳不闻。
I got to say, when Mark first told me about Lottie, I had questions too.
我必须说，当马克第一次告诉我有关洛蒂的事情时，我也有疑问。
Like I wondered, was my friend now a bona fide romance scammer or something?
就像我想知道的那样，我的朋友现在是一个真正的浪漫骗子还是什么？
Because it is true that the way that he was looking for love gave him the silhouette of a romance scammer.
因为他寻找爱情的方式确实给了他一个爱情骗子的轮廓。
Scammers ask people questions about their personal life, send sweet messages.
诈骗者询问人们有关他们的个人生活的问题，发送甜蜜的信息。
They try to earn trust before stealing your money and disappearing.
他们试图在偷走你的钱并消失之前赢得信任。
But what Mark was telling me about his relationship made me believe that this wasn't that.
但马克告诉我的关于他的关系的事情让我相信事实并非如此。
Mark never asked for money.
马克从来没有要过钱。
And he was putting in a lot of time with Lottie.
他花了很多时间和洛蒂在一起。
When she was in the hospital, day and night, I check on her.
当她住院时，我日夜不停地检查她。
I said, I'm here.
我说，我来了。
We're far in distance, but you are close to my heart.
我们的距离很远，但你却离我的心很近。
I said, I'm here praying for you day and night.
我说，我在这里日夜为你祈祷。
She had to accept me.
她必须接受我。
Because of the way I talk to her, the way I care about her, do I call her when I woke up-- I wake up from sleep.
因为我和她说话的方式，我关心她的方式，当我醒来时我是否给她打电话——我从睡梦中醒来。
I check on her.
我检查一下她。
How are you doing?
你好吗？
How's your health now?
你现在健康状况如何？
Months passed and Mark and Lottie kept talking, developing a love ethic where they both showed up for each other.
几个月过去了，马克和洛蒂不断交谈，发展出一种爱情观，他们都为对方出现。
At one point, she actually said, did you eat breakfast this morning?
有一次，她居然说，你今天早上吃早餐了吗？
I said, OK.
我说，好吧。
I said, no. I said, no. I said, please.
我说，不。我说，不。我说，请吧。
I said, just understand.
我说，明白就好。
Here in Africa, our breakfast is for the politicians-- for the presidents, politicians, first lady.
在非洲，我们的早餐是为政治家准备的——为总统、政治家、第一夫人。
I said, sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I don't even taste food 'til 12:00 PM or 3 o'clock, sometimes even in the evening hours.
我说，有时我早上醒来，直到中午 12:00 或 3 点我才尝到食物的味道，有时甚至在晚上。
Lottie asked about where Mark stayed.
洛蒂询问马克住在哪里。
And he told her he shared one room with three other people.
他告诉她，他和另外三个人共用一个房间。
And most nights, he would have to stand outside the house to talk to her so he wouldn't disturb his roommates.
大多数晚上，他都得站在屋外和她说话，以免打扰室友。
This is common.
这很常见。
Most people in Salone live on roughly $2 a day.
萨隆的大多数人每天的生活费约为 2 美元。
Mark had been making a little money playing soccer in some local leagues, but it wasn't enough to get by.
马克在当地的一些联赛中踢足球赚了一点钱，但这还不足以维持生计。
Hearing about how Mark was struggling made Lottie upset.
听到马克的挣扎让洛蒂心烦意乱。
So she decided to start sending him money.
所以她决定开始给他寄钱。
$200 covered rent for the entire year at a place all his own.
200 美元支付了他自己的地方全年的租金。
She also paid for his grandma's funeral.
她还支付了他祖母的葬礼费用。
It wasn't a huge amount, just what she could spare here and there, but it made her feel happy to help him.
虽然钱不多，只是她能省下的地方，但能帮到他，让她觉得很开心。
So when she used to call me, Mark.
所以当她打电话给我时，马克。
I said, yeah, Lottie, yes, sweetheart.
我说，是的，洛蒂，是的，亲爱的。
She said, did you eat breakfast?
她说，你吃早饭了吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Now is the time to have breakfast.
现在是吃早餐的时间了。
Just laughing, ah, Lottie.
只是笑，啊，洛蒂。
When I close my eyes.
当我闭上眼睛时。
I just think like she's in front of me.
我只是觉得她就在我面前。
What do you think you were providing her?
你认为你为她提供了什么？
What do you think you were giving her?
你认为你给了她什么？
How were you contributing to the relationship?
你对这段关系做出了哪些贡献？
Because she's contributing money.
因为她捐钱了。
And she's contributing like financially.
她也在经济上做出了贡献。
So what do you think you were contributing to the relationship?
那么你认为你对这段关系做出了哪些贡献？
I can see that.
我看得出来。
A lot of relationships involve some kind of transaction.
许多关系都涉及某种交易。
Each person brings what they can offer to the mix.
每个人都带来了他们可以提供的东西。
With Lottie, it's money, at least partly.
对洛蒂来说，至少部分是钱。
And with Mark, it's his time and care.
对于马克来说，这是他的时间和照顾。
When I think about the contours of their relationship, the fact that they've never met in person and live thousands of miles apart, not to mention the difference in age and experience, it makes me a little uneasy.
当我想到他们的关系轮廓时，素未谋面，远隔万里，更不用说年龄和经历的差异，让我有些不安。
So did you guys talk about sex?
那么你们谈论过性吗？
Do you talk about sex ever?
你们谈论过性吗？
Everything, we talk about sex, talk about everything.
一切，我们谈论性，谈论一切。
So how did that-- how does that-- if you don't mind me asking, so how do you--
那是怎么回事——那是怎么回事——如果你不介意我问的话，那你怎么——
We make sex on the phone.
我们在电话里做爱。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas You guys had phone sex?
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 你们有过电话性爱吗？
Phone sex.
电话性爱。
Like we will talk when lying down.
就像我们躺着时会说话一样。
Climb onto my chest.
爬到我的胸口上。
OK.
好的。
Are you there?
你在吗？
Can I put something there?
我可以在那里放东西吗？
OK.
好的。
Let me ask you this question, actually.
事实上，让我问你这个问题。
Are you attracted to her?
你被她吸引了吗？
Sure.
当然。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas What about her are you attracted to?
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 你对她的哪一点感兴趣？
What turns you on about her?
是什么让你对她着迷？
Even she's 73 years old, she still love back.
即使她已经73岁了，她仍然爱回来。
Her back is set just like Nicki Minaj.
她的背部姿势就像妮琪·米娜 (Nicki Minaj) 一样。
OK, Nicki Minaj is-- [LAUGHTER]
好吧，妮琪·米娜是——[笑声]
OK, so you think when you and her meet in person, you'll have no issue having sex with her?
好吧，所以你认为当你和她见面时，与她发生性关系不会有任何问题？
I have no issue.
我没有问题。
What?
什么？
Saidu Tejan-Thomas If I'm being real, my worry for Mark isn't just about whether or not he's attracted to Lottie.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 如果我说实话，我对马克的担心不仅仅是他是否被洛蒂吸引。
There's a darker place my mind wanders off to.
我的思绪飘向一个更黑暗的地方。
It's hard not to see their relationship in the context of the exploitation that's happening in West Africa right now.
很难不把他们的关系放在目前西非正在发生的剥削的背景下来看待。
Sexual tourism has been a growing problem in the Gambia, for example.
例如，性旅游在冈比亚已成为一个日益严重的问题。
Older women have been descending on the country and spending their money on sex with young African men.
年长女性纷纷涌入这个国家，把钱花在与年轻的非洲男性发生性关系上。
The phenomenon is so rampant that the Gambian government stepped in, demanding foreign visitors stop this practice.
这种现象如此猖獗，以至于冈比亚政府介入，要求外国游客停止这种做法。
But it still continues.
但它仍在继续。
I don't think that's what's happening with Mark and Lottie.
我认为马克和洛蒂的情况并非如此。
But there are enough similarities here to make me question.
但这里有足够的相似之处让我产生疑问。
And if half of me worried that my friend was being taken advantage of, the other half worried for Lottie.
如果说我一半担心我的朋友被利用，那么另一半则担心洛蒂。
Because Mark talked so openly about what he hopes to get out of their relationship.
因为马克如此公开地谈论了他希望从他们的关系中得到什么。
What did you like about her?
你喜欢她什么？
What did you feel?
你有什么感觉？
You remember I told you earlier that I want to accomplish my dream.
你还记得我之前告诉过你我想实现我的梦想。
I want to go to the United States or Europe.
我想去美国或者欧洲。
That's not feelings you have for her.
那不是你对她的感情。
That's feelings you have for your dream.
这就是你对梦想的感受。
Those are two different things.
这是两件不同的事情。
Yeah, if she's going-- if she's the one who's going to take me from here, then.
是的，如果她要走的话——如果她就是那个要带我离开这里的人。
Then the feelings for your dreams become your feelings for her?
那么你对梦想的感情就变成了你对她的感情吗？
I've already said, Lottie, if you take me out of here, trust me, no matter the age difference, I swear to my life, we'll be together 'til God sends one home.
我已经说过了，洛蒂，如果你带我离开这里，请相信我，无论年龄有多大，我以我的生命发誓，我们会在一起，直到上帝送一个人回家。
So you told her, you told her, if you take me out of here, I will love you forever, basically.
所以你告诉她，你告诉她，如果你带我离开这里，基本上我会永远爱你。
So she knows that you, there's something that you want.
所以她知道你，有你想要的东西。
She knows that there's something that you want beyond her.
她知道你想要的东西超出了她的范围。
Yes, sure.
是的，当然。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas I'd been reaching out to Lottie for weeks with no luck to get her side of all of this.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 我已经联系 Lottie 好几个星期了，但没能得到她的支持。
Then finally, early one morning, around 3:00 AM.
最后，一天清晨，凌晨 3:00 左右。
Hello.
你好。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas She called me back.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas 她给我回了电话。
And we talked for a while.
我们聊了一会儿。
I didn't know what to expect.
我不知道会发生什么。
But Lottie was very open about her life.
但洛蒂对自己的生活非常开放。
She told me more about her work caring for the elderly, the grandson who put her up in her own apartment when she got older, and then, of course, we talked about her feelings for Mark.
她告诉我更多关于她照顾老人的工作，当她长大后，孙子把她安置在自己的公寓里，然后，当然，我们谈到了她对马克的感情。
I love Mark.
我爱马克。
I can't even understand how I fell in love with Mark.
我什至不明白我是如何爱上马克的。
Because I ain't never dealt with no young man.
因为我从来没有和年轻人打过交道。
I was just talking to him as a friend.
我只是以朋友的身份和他说话。
Lottie can be a little hard to understand sometimes.
洛蒂有时有点难以理解。
It's because of a botched intubation she went through years ago.
这是因为她几年前经历过一次插管失败。
But I have to say, despite that, she doesn't come off as the kind of person who doesn't have agency over her life.
但我不得不说，尽管如此，她并不是那种对生活没有自主权的人。
At 73, she can clearly hold her own.
73岁的她显然可以坚持自己的立场。
And I don't let nothing stop me.
我不会让任何事情阻止我。
Do you see my picture on Facebook?
你在 Facebook 上看到我的照片吗？
Yeah, yeah, I've seen it.
是啊是啊，我见过。
Lottie Do I look like I'm 73 years old?
洛蒂 我看起来像73岁吗？
My mother definitely taught me better than to comment on a woman's age.
我母亲确实教过我最好不要评论女人的年龄。
But I will say, in Lottie's profile picture, she has a very youthful energy about her.
但我要说的是，在洛蒂的头像里，她身上有一种非常年轻的能量。
In our conversation, she confirmed all of what Mark said about their relationship and how intense their connection was from the start.
在我们的谈话中，她证实了马克所说的关于他们的关系的所有内容以及他们的联系从一开始就有多么紧密。
I've never experienced anything like this.
我从来没有经历过这样的事情。
I mean, I've talked to-- I talk to him sometimes 50 times a day.
我的意思是，我有时一天与他交谈 50 次。
Wow.
哇。
When you and Mark met in that first year or so, what was going on in your life?
当你和马克认识的第一年左右，你的生活发生了什么？
I was sad.
我很伤心。
You know, I wasn't happy.
你知道，我并不高兴。
I was lonely.
我很孤独。
And from talking to him, that's how my heart grew to him.
从与他的交谈中，我的心就这样变得更喜欢他了。
We talk about life together.
我们一起谈论生活。
I have dreamed sometimes of me and Mark, Mark coming in the house one day and how happy I was.
有时我会梦见我和马克，有一天马克来到家里，我感到多么高兴。
So you feel like he loves you for who you are?
所以你觉得他爱你是因为你是谁？
Yes.
是的。
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Lottie said that it had been a while since men her age gave her a chance.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Lottie 说，已经有一段时间没有像她这个年纪的男人给她机会了。
It had been more than 10 years since her previous relationship.
距离她上一次的恋情已经过去十多年了。
And with Mark, she felt like she'd found something real.
和马克一起，她觉得自己找到了真实的东西。
But some of the things she told me about her life were head spinning.
但她告诉我的一些关于她生活的事情却令人头晕目眩。
She told me about a violent fight with one of her adult kids and how, in a separate incident in 2002, she was convicted of child abuse and was sentenced to 2 and 1/2 years in prison.
她向我讲述了一场与她的一个成年孩子的暴力打斗，以及在 2002 年的另一起事件中，她如何被判虐待儿童罪并被判处 2 又 1/2 年监禁。
It made me worry for Mark a little bit.
这让我有点为马克担心。
Like, does he really know this person?
比如，他真的认识这个人吗？
When I told him about what Lottie had said, he told me he wasn't aware of any of that stuff.
当我告诉他洛蒂所说的话时，他告诉我他不知道这些事情。
But he didn't find that alarming.
但他并不觉得这令人担忧。
He said, after all the good she's done for him, he's not going to turn his back on her now.
他说，在她为他做了那么多好事之后，他现在不会拒绝她了。
After six months of a long distance relationship and countless marathon phone sessions, Mark got what he was looking for.
经过六个月的异地恋和无数次马拉松式的电话通话，马克得到了他想要的东西。
Lottie agreed to marry him.
洛蒂同意嫁给他。
The initial plan was for her to go to Salone, but her doctors told her the travel would be bad for her health.
她最初的计划是去米兰国际家具展，但她的医生告诉她，这次旅行对她的健康不利。
So, instead, they decided to bring Mark to the States.
因此，他们决定将马克带到美国。
Here's Mark.
这是马克。
She even bought the ring, bought everything, my suit, everything for the wedding.
她甚至买了戒指，买了所有东西，我的西装，婚礼用的所有东西。
She even chose the-- my best man.
她甚至选择了——我的伴郎。
She already choosing him from the church.
她已经从教会中选择了他。
Yes, everyone was waiting for them to witness this marriage.
是的，所有人都在等待他们见证这桩婚姻。
Mark went ahead and applied for a visitor's visa to the US.
马克继续申请美国的访客签证。
And Lottie wrote an official letter to the US embassy in Salone inviting him to come.
洛蒂给美国驻沙龙大使馆写了一封正式信函，邀请他前来。
Next up was an interview with a woman at the American embassy.
接下来是对美国大使馆一位女士的采访。
She said to him--
她对他说——
What is your name?
你叫什么名字？
I show her my name.
我给她看了我的名字。
And who is this to you?
这对你来说是谁？
I said, she is my lover.
我说，她是我的爱人。
The interviewer asked a lot of questions, carefully grilling him about every detail of his plan.
面试官问了很多问题，仔细盘问他计划的每一个细节。
Mark was nervous, but he was prepared.
马克很紧张，但他已经做好了准备。
He knew Lottie's address by heart.
他熟记洛蒂的地址。
He felt like he'd answered every question right, until the end when the interviewer looked up at him.
他感觉自己每一个问题都答对了，直到最后面试官抬头看着他。
She said, well, I'm sorry, better luck next time.
她说，好吧，对不起，祝你下次好运。
She said that?
她这么说？
She said, "better luck next time?"
她说：“下次好运吗？”
Yeah, I'm sorry.
是的，对不起。
I cannot issue this visa.
我无法签发此签证。
Better luck next time.
下次好运。
Wow, how did you-- what did you say back?
哇，你怎么——你回复了什么？
It was like tears started falling down my eyes.
就像泪水开始从我的眼睛里流下来。
Yeah, I started crying right there at the embassy.
是的，我在大使馆就开始哭了。
I wasn't surprised that Mark didn't get it.
马克没听懂我并不感到惊讶。
It's always hard for someone like Mark, someone without a job or a house to tie them to their home country, to get a visitor's visa to America.
对于像马克这样的人来说，没有工作或没有房子将他们与祖国联系在一起的人总是很难获得美国的访客签证。
Officials are afraid that people like that, basically poor people, won't have a reason to return.
官员们担心这样的人，基本上是穷人，没有理由返回。
It's messed up.
事情一团糟。
And I feel for Mark.
我对马克有感觉。
In an instant, all the physical and emotional labor he'd invested to get to this point was wiped away, erased by a stranger behind a desk.
刹那间，他为达到这一目标而投入的所有体力和情感劳动都被抹去了，被办公桌后面的陌生人抹去了。
I've known a lot of folks in Salone who've been denied a visa.
我在展会上认识很多被拒绝签证的人。
And Mark responded to his rejection the way they all eventually do, with optimism.
马克以乐观的方式回应了他的拒绝，就像他们最终所做的那样。
Because what other choice is there in a situation like this?
因为在这种情况下还有什么其他选择呢？
Right.
正确的。
Because it was like an official thing.
因为这就像官方的事情。
It was very official.
这是非常官方的。
Yeah, for me to go to the-- walk into American embassy.
是的，我要去——走进美国大使馆。
Wow, American Embassy, for an interview.
哇，美国大使馆，接受采访。
Wow, even when they don't issue me visa, I'm sad about that.
哇，即使他们不给我签证，我也很难过。
I'm not happy.
我不高兴。
It hurts me.
这让我很痛苦。
But at the same time, I'm happy because I went there for an interview.
但同时，我也很高兴，因为我去那里面试了。
Because you got to touch a piece of America?
因为你必须触摸美国的一部分？
After the failed interview at the embassy, Mark and Lottie tried to regroup and come up with a different plan.
在大使馆面试失败后，马克和洛蒂试图重新组合并提出一个不同的计划。
But her health worsened.
但她的健康状况恶化了。
Then one day last year, Lottie didn't answer the phone when Mark called.
去年的一天，马克打电话来时，洛蒂没有接电话。
For weeks, he couldn't reach her, until finally, she messaged him on Facebook.
几周来，他一直联系不上她，直到最后，她在 Facebook 上给他发了消息。
She told him she'd been in the hospital.
她告诉他她已经住院了。
At one point, her heart stopped.
有一刻，她的心脏停止了跳动。
It took them eight minutes to revive her.
他们花了八分钟才让她苏醒。
Once she got out of the hospital, Mark says, she was more isolated than before and her life felt more difficult.
马克说，出院后，她比以前更加孤立，生活也更加困难。
Things are really hard for her.
事情对她来说确实很难。
Because she's all alone in the house.
因为家里只有她一个人。
People don't come to help.
人们不会来帮忙。
Sometimes I shed tears for her.
有时我会为她流泪。
It is really paining me.
这真的让我很痛苦。
I pray five times a day.
我每天祈祷五次。
And every day I pray for Lottie Rebecca Beasley.
我每天都为洛蒂·丽贝卡·比斯利祈祷。
Talking to Mark, I can tell that he's genuinely troubled by what Lottie's been going through.
通过与马克交谈，我可以看出他确实对洛蒂的经历感到困扰。
It's also true that since the downturn in her health, his circumstances have gotten worse.
确实，自从她的健康状况恶化以来，他的情况变得更糟了。
He says without the money she was sending, he got evicted.
他说，由于没有收到她寄来的钱，他被驱逐了。
He doesn't always have money for food.
他并不总是有钱吃饭。
But he insists even though Lottie has stopped supporting him, he still feels responsible for her.
但他坚持认为，即使洛蒂不再支持他，他仍然觉得对她负有责任。
When she was supporting me, when she was, she was OK, she was not sick, and now if she's like in this difficult time she is not even walking, I think I should be with her too and that's my duty to look after her.
当她支持我的时候，当她支持我的时候，她很好，她没有生病，现在如果她在这个困难的时刻，她甚至都不能走路，我想我也应该和她在一起，这是我照顾她的责任。
The love does not stop because I love her.
爱不会因为我爱她而停止。
Because I have all allegiance to her.
因为我完全效忠于她。
I love her.
我爱她。
I really love the relationship.
我真的很喜欢这种关系。
So I love her.
所以我爱她。
The way Mark is talking about Lottie here, it reminds me of a business person talking about sunk costs, someone who is reluctant to give up on something they've invested in for a long time.
马克在这里谈论洛蒂的方式，让我想起一个谈论沉没成本的商人，一个不愿放弃他们长期投资的东西的人。
It brings me right back to my initial worry.
这让我又回到了最初的担忧。
What does Mark actually feel?
马克的真实感受是什么？
And what is he convincing himself he feels?
他说服自己的感觉是什么？
There's a part of me that believes you.
我的一部分相信你。
But then there's a part of me that's still like, this doesn't-- this makes-- this doesn't look, this doesn't look right.
但我内心的一部分仍然觉得，这不——这使得——这看起来不对，这看起来不对。
It doesn't feel right.
感觉不对。
It literally, it looks like-- yeah, it looks like you're using her and she's using you.
从字面上看，看起来就像——是的，看起来你在利用她，她也在利用你。
It looks like she's lonely and she wants somebody to talk to.
看起来她很孤独，想找人倾诉。
So she's using you for that.
所以她正在利用你。
And you don't have money.
而且你没有钱。
And you need somebody to fund you and take you out of this place.
你需要有人资助你并带你离开这个地方。
So you're using her for that.
所以你正在利用她。
It looks like you guys are mutually using each other.
看来你们是互相利用的。
And, yeah, you guys love each other.
而且，是的，你们彼此相爱。
You could very much love each other through that.
你们可以通过这个彼此非常相爱。
But it still looks very obvious to me what's happening here.
但对我来说，这里发生的事情仍然很明显。
It looks very, look very clear to me that [SPEAKING KRIO].
在我看来，[SPEAKING KRIO] 看起来非常非常清楚。
And I just want to know, I just want to know what you think about that and what you think about me saying that.
我只是想知道，我只是想知道你对此有何看法以及你对我所说的话有何看法。
Nobody is not using anyone between me and Lottie.
在我和洛蒂之间没有人不利用任何人。
How many people are there in the United States?
美国有多少人？
Billions?
数十亿？
Mark OK, billions, yeah, there are billions of people, but no one sees me here.
马克：好吧，数十亿，是的，有数十亿人，但没有人在这里看到我。
Only Lottie who is 73 years old woman sees me.
只有洛蒂，一位 73 岁的女士看到了我。
It's really a blessing for me, so.
这对我来说真是一件幸事，所以。
The US population is actually in the millions, but you get the point.
美国人口实际上有数百万，但你明白了。
When I talked to Lottie, she also seemed to question how to think about the relationship.
当我和洛蒂交谈时，她似乎也在质疑如何看待这段关系。
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
是啊，是啊，是啊。
Lottie Do you think he loves me?
洛蒂 你认为他爱我吗？
I got the sense that a lot of people in her life have asked her the same thing for years.
我感觉到她生活中的很多人多年来都问过她同样的问题。
And, honestly, it was a hard question to answer.
老实说，这是一个很难回答的问题。
I think Mark loves you the way you love him, if that makes sense.
我认为马克爱你就像你爱他一样，如果这有道理的话。
It didn't make sense.
这没有道理。
So later, she asked me again.
于是后来她又问我。
I've asked him the same question, Lottie.
我也问过他同样的问题，洛蒂。
I've asked him the same question up, left, down, right, and center and he says, "yes." And I'm not going to be-- I'm not going to lie to you.
我向上、向左、向下、向右、中间问了他同样的问题，他说：“是的。”我不会——我不会对你撒谎。
I didn't believe him either because of the age difference, because of the cultural difference, because of the distance.
我也不相信他，因为年龄差异，因为文化差异，因为距离。
So I didn't believe him.
所以我不相信他。
But he keeps saying "yes." He keeps saying, he swears up and down that he loves you.
但他一直说“是”。他一直说，他发誓他爱你。
So I kind of have no choice but to believe him.
所以我别无选择，只能相信他。
Do you think he loves you?
你觉得他爱你吗？
I feel he loves me.
我感觉他爱我。
In my heart, I feel he loves me.
在我心里，我感觉到他是爱我的。
Ultimately, I don't think it's my place to decide whether or not two people love each other.
最终，我不认为由我来决定两个人是否相爱。
That's a call only they get to make, the way everyone else gets to.
这是只有他们才能做出的决定，就像其他人一样。
But I do know both Mark and Lottie have been through plenty of heartbreak.
但我确实知道马克和洛蒂都经历过很多心碎。
And I know heartbreak is just love without a place to call home.
我知道心碎只是没有家的地方的爱。
The fact that two Black people were struggling to find that home on damn near opposite ends of the Earth, both from two vastly different cultures and generations, says a lot about how hard it can be for Black folks to love and be loved in this world.
两个来自两种截然不同的文化和世代的黑人正在地球两端努力寻找家园，这一事实充分说明了黑人在这个世界上爱与被爱是多么困难。
For us, there's a whole host of historical, political, and economic forces that can send our search for partnership down wayward paths.
对我们来说，有大量的历史、政治和经济力量可能使我们对伙伴关系的追求走上任性的道路。
And after years of wandering, Mark and Lottie felt like they'd finally landed on something.
经过多年的徘徊，马克和洛蒂觉得他们终于找到了一些东西。
But what I want for them is what I want for a lot of us-- ease.
但我想要他们得到的正是我想要我们很多人得到的——轻松。
Mark deserves to be in a relationship that's free from people's judgment.
马克应该建立一种不受人们评判的关系。
Maybe that comes with a partner closer to his age, in Salone or in America.
也许这需要一个与他年龄相近的合作伙伴，无论是在沙龙还是在美国。
And Lottie deserves a relationship where she doesn't have to worry about whether someone's using her and whether she's loved.
洛蒂值得拥有一段这样的关系，她不必担心是否有人在利用她，也不必担心她是否被爱。
What they have now is not simple.
他们现在所拥有的，并不简单。
It's not easy.
这并不容易。
But then again, when has love ever been that?
但话又说回来，爱情什么时候是这样了？
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Jr. is the host of the podcast Resistance.
Saidu Tejan-Thomas Jr. 是播客抵抗组织的主持人。
This story was produced by Alix Spiegel.
这个故事由阿利克斯·斯皮格尔制作。
Coming up, Tig Notaro, then a love that dare not speak its name.
提格·诺塔罗（Tig Notaro）登场，他是一位不敢说出自己名字的爱人。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's program, So Close and Yet So Far, stories of people who feel so near to each other, and yet are kept apart.
今天的节目《如此亲密又如此遥远》讲述了人们感觉彼此如此亲近却又分离的故事。
And before we move to Act 2, we heard about one instance of this kind of thing in a story Jake Offenhartz did on the website Gothamist.
在我们进入第二幕之前，我们在杰克·奥芬哈茨（Jake Offenhartz）在 Gothamist 网站上发表的一篇故事中听说过此类事情的一个例子。
Basically what happened is, a few days ago, the New York City fire department received this emergency call.
基本上发生的事情是，几天前，纽约市消防局接到了这个紧急电话。
We don't know.
我们不知道。
Dispatcher You don't know?
调度员你不知道吗？
In the sewers.
在下水道里。
Five kids, Staten Island.
五个孩子，史泰登岛。
You know, a normal Tuesday night.
你知道，一个平常的周二晚上。
We went through the tunnels.
我们穿过隧道。
Ira Glass They went through the tunnels.
艾拉·格拉斯 他们穿过隧道。
The dispatcher hands over the call to another dispatcher, Marlind Haxhialiu.
调度员将呼叫转交给另一位调度员 Marlind Haxhialiu。
HEY DID YOU GUYS GO IN FROM BROADWAY OR MARTLING, THE MAIN ENTRANCE?
嘿，你们是从主入口百老汇还是马特林进去的？
It's like Clove Lake.
就像丁香湖一样。
Marlind Haxhialiu WHERE?
马林德·哈希亚柳 在哪里？
IN THE PARKING LOT?
在停车场？
OKAY I KNOW THE CEMETERY, ACROSS THE STREET, YEAH.
好吧，我知道街对面的墓地，是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass Can we just step back and admire this dispatcher who seems to know every sewer entrance on Staten Island.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 我们能否退后一步，佩服这位似乎熟悉史泰登岛每个下水道入口的调度员。
Okay, but what do you mean by a sewer?
好吧，但是下水道是什么意思？
Is it like a grate?
它像格栅吗？
It's like a tunnel where all the pipes are.
它就像一条隧道，所有的管道都集中在那里。
It's like a tunnel where all the pipes are.
它就像一条隧道，所有的管道都集中在那里。
Listen to me.
听我说。
I know the area, listen to me.
我了解这个地区，听我说。
Hey, I know the area very well.
嘿，我很了解这个地区。
I'm trying to ask you, how did you get to the sewer?
我想问你，你是怎么到下水道的？
You walked through the cemetery, right?
你走过墓地吧？
Did you go right or left at the end of the cemetery?
到了墓地的尽头，你是向左走还是向右走？
I need you to guide me.
我需要你来指导我。
No, we went down.
不，我们下去了。
Marlind Haxhialiu You went down.
Marlind Haxhialiu 你倒下了。
Okay.
好的。
Very quickly, they figure out where the kids are.
很快，他们就知道孩子们在哪里。
Stay on the line.
保持在线状态。
I'm gonna get you some help, okay?
我会给你一些帮助，好吗？
I hear sirens.
我听到警报声。
Dispatcher Wait, hang on.
调度员稍等，稍等。
Hold on.
坚持，稍等。
We're gonna get to you.
我们会去找你的。
Now you can scream as loud as you can.
现在你可以尽可能大声地尖叫。
They want you to scream and yell.
他们希望你尖叫、大喊。
They can hear you, so scream.
他们能听到你的声音，所以尖叫。
These kids, it's like they went through a trapdoor from regular New York to underground New York.
这些孩子，就像他们穿过一扇活板门，从普通的纽约来到了地下的纽约。
Which is going on all the time, of course, under the city.
当然，在城市的地下，这种情况一直在发生。
Sewers and tunnels and water mains.
下水道、隧道和水管。
Literally just shouting distance away.
字面上只是大喊距离。
And shouting is all it'll take now for them to tap their ruby slippers three times and get home.
现在，他们只需大喊一声，红宝石拖鞋就会敲三下，然后回家。
Scream?
尖叫？
Dispatcher Call for help, guys.
调度员 呼叫帮助，伙计们。
They hear you.
他们听到你的声音。
Call for help.
寻求帮助。
[SCREAMS] Ahhh!!
[SCREAMS] Ahhh!!
Ahhhh!!!!
啊啊啊！！！
Ahhhhhh!!!
啊啊啊！！！
Ahhh!!!!!!!
啊啊啊！！！！！！
If you listen very closely it sounds like one of the kids actually laughs a little on that last scream, like, it is so weird that an adult is asking them to do this.
如果你仔细听的话，听起来好像其中一个孩子在最后一声尖叫时实际上笑了一点，就像，一个成年人要求他们这样做真是太奇怪了。
The kids were rescued pretty quickly.
孩子们很快就被救了。
None of them were hurt.
他们都没有受伤。
Keep screaming guys, keep screaming.
继续尖叫，伙计们，继续尖叫。
I want you guys to scream as loud as you want.
我希望你们能大声尖叫。
[SCREAMS] Ahhh!!!
[SCREAMS] Ahhh!!!
Ahhhh!!!!!
啊啊啊！！！！
Ahhhh!!!!!!
Ahhhh!!!!!!
Ahhhh!!!!!!
Ahhhh!!!!!!
Help!!!!!
帮助！！！！！
Help!!!!!
帮助！！！！！
Which brings us to Act 2 where we have another kind of rescue.
这就把我们带到了第二幕，在那里我们有另一种救援方式。
Another fire department.
Another fire department.
Act 2-- Fire Sale.
Act 2-- Fire Sale.
So comedian Tig Notaro has been on our show many, many times talking about her random encounters with pop star Taylor Dayne or, memorably, she was diagnosed with stage II cancer and went up on stage that night and did a stand up set about it that we played here on the show.
喜剧演员蒂格·诺塔罗（Tig Notaro）在我们的节目中多次谈论她与流行歌星泰勒·戴恩（Taylor Dayne）的偶遇，或者令人难忘的是，她被诊断出患有二期癌症，并在那天晚上登上舞台，并做了一场我们在节目中表演的单口喜剧。
Lately, when she goes on stage, she's been talking a lot about her wife Stephanie and their two kids, Finn and Max, and their home life together.
最近，当她登上舞台时，她经常谈论她的妻子斯蒂芬妮和他们的两个孩子芬恩和麦克斯，以及他们在一起的家庭生活。
And she has this story of being so close to someone and yet so far from them that she recorded at the Comedy Club Largo in Los Angeles.
她在洛杉矶的喜剧俱乐部 Largo 录制了这样一个故事，讲述与某人如此亲近，却又远离他们的故事。
This happened one night when she and Stephanie went to a film and got home late.
这件事发生在一天晚上，当时她和斯蒂芬妮去看电影，很晚才回家。
She fell asleep immediately.
她立刻就睡着了。
And I was up.
我就起来了。
I was having some pain in my stomach.
我的胃有些疼痛。
And because she fell asleep right away, I thought, well, I'm not going to wake her up.
因为她马上就睡着了，我想，好吧，我不会叫醒她。
So I was lying there thinking, I'm sure this is nothing.
所以我躺在那里想，我确定这没什么。
You know, all of my medical issues usually aren't anything.
你知道，我所有的健康问题通常都不算什么。
So this is probably another one of those situations.
所以这可能是其中的另一种情况。
[LAUGHTER]
[笑声]
And three hours pass.
And three hours pass.
And I'm am worse and worse.
而我的情况却越来越糟。
And I finally tapped her and I said, I am in so much pain right now.
And I finally tapped her and I said, I am in so much pain right now.
And she said, completely groggy, just, do you think it's all the popcorn that you ate tonight?
And she said, completely groggy, just, do you think it's all the popcorn that you ate tonight?
And I said, mm, I don't, I don't.
我说，嗯，我不，我不。
I've been eating popcorn for almost 50 years now.
我吃爆米花已经快 50 年了。
Not consistently, but this is not popcorn pain.
不一致，但这不是爆米花痛苦。
And she said, well, we should probably be safe and just go to the emergency room.
And she said, well, we should probably be safe and just go to the emergency room.
And I was like, oh my god, that's so dramatic.
我当时想，天哪，这太戏剧化了。
And she said, well, you know, I just-- we shouldn't take any chances.
And she said, well, you know, I just-- we shouldn't take any chances.
So why don't you get up and get dressed and we'll go?
So why don't you get up and get dressed and we'll go?
And I said, well, the thing is, I don't know if I can even walk I'm in so much pain.
And I said, well, the thing is, I don't know if I can even walk I'm in so much pain.
And she said, oh my god, you can't walk?
她说，天哪，你不会走路吗？
Well, then I'm calling 911.
好吧，那我就拨打 911。
And I was like, oh my god, that's so dramatic.
我当时想，天哪，这太戏剧化了。
It's going to be the lights and sirens flying down our street.
It's going to be the lights and sirens flying down our street.
What if this is nothing?
What if this is nothing?
She calls 9-1-1.
She calls 9-1-1.
And this gigantic fireman appears at our bedroom door.
And this gigantic fireman appears at our bedroom door.
I mean, he's huge.
I mean, he's huge.
And he has rubber boots to here.
他有橡胶靴到这里。
He has fireman pants on, muscles out to here, suspenders, no shirt.
He has fireman pants on, muscles out to here, suspenders, no shirt.
And I'm lying there in bed.
我躺在床上。
I felt so vulnerable.
I felt so vulnerable.
Because I was in so much pain.
因为我实在太痛苦了。
And I'm in my nightgown.
And I'm in my nightgown.
And-- of course I don't wear a nightgown.
而且——我当然不穿睡衣。
You know me better than that.
你比那更了解我。
You think I wear a nightgown?
你以为我穿的是睡衣吗？
I could feel the tension in the room.
我能感觉到房间里的紧张气氛。
Are you like, she wears a nightgown?
你觉得她穿睡衣吗？
No, I don't wear a nightgown.
不，我不穿睡衣。
I think the last time I wore a nightgown was probably 1977, probably had a little Pooh Bear on the front scooping honey out of a clay pot.
I think the last time I wore a nightgown was probably 1977, probably had a little Pooh Bear on the front scooping honey out of a clay pot.
Anyway, I was lying in bed totally feeling vulnerable.
不管怎样，我躺在床上，完全感觉很脆弱。
And he got down next to me and he said, listen, I understand you're in a lot of pain.
And he got down next to me and he said, listen, I understand you're in a lot of pain.
And I just want you to know that there's an ambulance outside if you need.
And I just want you to know that there's an ambulance outside if you need.
And I said, I appreciate it.
我说，我很感激。
I just really don't want to waste anybody's time if this is nothing.
I just really don't want to waste anybody's time if this is nothing.
And he said, it's up to you.
他说，这取决于你。
It's there.
它就在那里。
And I said, I don't know if I can walk.
我说，我不知道我是否还能走路。
And he said, that is not a problem.
他说，这不是问题。
And he scooped me up in his arms.
然后他把我抱在怀里。
And I'm telling you, in that moment, I was just like, whoa-ho, I could get used to this.
And I'm telling you, in that moment, I was just like, whoa-ho, I could get used to this.
Bada-bing, bada-boom.
巴达宾，巴达繁荣。
I mean, truly, I was like oh, I get it now.
我的意思是，真的，我当时想，哦，我现在明白了。
If you think you're surprised, think how I felt in that moment.
If you think you're surprised, think how I felt in that moment.
I have never been more confused.
我从未如此困惑过。
He was holding me and I was just dangling in his arms, with my nightgown flowing.
他抱着我，我就在他怀里晃来晃去，睡衣飘扬着。
But let me tell you what really surprised me when I found out this was my type.
But let me tell you what really surprised me when I found out this was my type.
Here's what I didn't know I was into.
这就是我不知道自己喜欢的东西。
He had a mustache.
他留着小胡子。
I was like, yes, please.
I was like, yes, please.
That'll do just fine.
That'll do just fine.
That is my type.
That is my type.
I didn't know.
我不知道。
Here's the thing is you can fall for and be attracted to anybody.
事情是这样的，你可以爱上任何人，并被任何人吸引。
It can happen at any time.
它随时可能发生。
And I always thought, OK, if I'm ever into a guy, here's what I thought my type would be.
我总是想，好吧，如果我喜欢一个男人，这就是我认为我的类型。
I was like, it's probably going to be a singer-songwriter, probably going to be a poet, probably going to be a painter, have a slight build.
我当时想，它可能会成为一名歌手兼作曲家，可能会成为一名诗人，可能会成为一名画家，有轻微的身材。
We'll share a wardrobe.
We'll share a wardrobe.
I did not think that this gigantic fireman was going to be what it was all about for me.
我不认为这个巨大的消防员会成为我的全部。
So he's carrying me in his arms.
所以他把我抱在怀里。
We're going down the hall.
我们要沿着大厅走。
And I said, listen, when we pass this door, if you could just be extra quiet because if my kids wake up, come out, and see this, this is going to be confusing on so many different levels.
我说，听着，当我们经过这扇门时，如果你能特别安静，因为如果我的孩子醒来，出来，看到这个，这会在很多不同的层面上令人困惑。
And he was great about it.
他对此很满意。
You know how he is.
你知道他怎么样。
He's just, he's the best, classic him.
他就是，他是最好的、经典的他。
You know, he's just tiptoeing past their bedroom.
你知道，他只是蹑手蹑脚地经过他们的卧室。
We go down the stairs.
我们走下楼梯。
And Stephanie's father lives with us.
斯蒂芬妮的父亲和我们住在一起。
And he carries me past my father-in-law.
他载着我经过我的岳父。
And Stephanie opens the door.
斯蒂芬妮打开了门。
And we walk past her.
我们从她身边走过。
And I just turned and was like, goodbye, old life.
我转身就想，再见了，旧的生活。
We get out to the ambulance.
我们下车去救护车。
He gently places me on the gurney, kisses me on the forehead, and pushes me into the back there and then shuts the doors.
他轻轻地将我放在轮床上，亲吻我的额头，然后把我推到后面，然后关上门。
And then wouldn't you know it?
然后你会不知道吗？
I was like, oh God, hey, apparently my roommate is worried about me and wants to join us.
我当时想，天啊，嘿，显然我的室友很担心我，想加入我们。
Thanks a lot, Stephanie.
非常感谢，斯蒂芬妮。
Total buzzkill.
完全杀伤力。
But as I suspected, it ended up not being anything too serious.
但正如我所怀疑的，事情最终并没有太严重。
I was just bleeding internally.
我只是内出血了。
But the couple of weeks later, I was at a party.
但几周后，我参加了一个聚会。
And I was talking to some people about the fireman.
我正在和一些人谈论消防员。
And I was like, this guy was so incredibly hot, just muscles, mustache.
我当时想，这家伙太性感了，只有肌肉、胡子。
And I was going on and on.
我一直在说个不停。
Stephanie walks up and overhears this.
斯蒂芬妮走上前来，无意中听到了这一切。
And she has this look of disgust on her face.
而且她的脸上还带着厌恶的表情。
And she's like, I'm sorry, but you thought that fireman was hot?
她说，对不起，但你认为那个消防员很性感？
I was like, um, yeah.
我当时想，嗯，是的。
This is not up for discussion.
这个不值得讨论。
This is not a matter of opinion.
这不是意见问题。
This is a matter of fact.
这是事实。
And I don't know if any of you have experienced this or not.
而且我不知道大家有没有经历过这样的事情。
But there is nothing more awkward than finding out in a social situation that you and your wife have completely different tastes in men.
但没有什么比在社交场合发现你和你的妻子对男人的品味完全不同更尴尬的了。
Tig Notaro, she is the host of the podcast Don't Ask Tig.
Tig Notaro，她是播客“Don’t Ask Tig”的主持人。
She's appearing at Red Bank, New Jersey in April and other places too.
四月份她也会出现在新泽西州雷德班克和其他地方。
To find out when she's coming to your town, her website is TigNotaro.com.
要了解她何时来您所在的城镇，她的网站是 TigNotaro.com。
Well, our program was produced today by Lilly Sullivan.
嗯，我们今天的节目是由莉莉·沙利文制作的。
The people who put together today's show include Elna Baker, Zoe Chace, Sean Cole, Michal Comite, Aviva DeKornfeld, Valerie Kipnis, Tobin Low, Alaa Mostafa, Stowe Nelson, Katherine Rae Mondo, Nadia Reiman, Ryan Rumery, Charlotte Sleeper, Ike Sriskandarajah, Frances Swanson, Christopher Swetala, Matt Tierney, and Julie Whitaker.
今天节目的制作人包括 Elna Baker、Zoe Chace、Sean Cole、Michal Comite、Aviva DeKornfeld、Valerie Kipnis、Tobin Low、Alaa Mostafa、Stowe Nelson、Katherine Rae Mondo、Nadia Reiman、Ryan Rumery、Charlotte Sleeper、Ike Sriskandarajah、Frances Swanson、Christopher Swetala、Matt Tierney 和 Julie Whitaker。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Our senior editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的高级编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
Special thanks today to Alden Young, Mariama Mansaray, Vickie Remoe, Sheri Rickson, and Dianne M.
今天特别感谢 Alden Young、Mariama Mansaray、Vickie Remoe、Sheri Rickson 和 Dianne M.
Stewart, the author of Black women Black love America's war on African-American marriage.
斯图尔特是《黑人妇女黑人热爱美国对非裔美国人婚姻的战争》一书的作者。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org, where you can stream our archive of over 750 episodes for absolutely free.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中完全免费地观看我们的 750 多集档案。
Also, there's lots of other stuff there-- videos, lists of favorite shows.
此外，还有很多其他内容——视频、最喜欢的节目列表。
Again, thisamericanlife.org.
再说一次，thisamericanlife.org。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
You know, he has a new pickup line, uses it every time he's in a bar now.
你知道，他有一条新的搭讪路线，现在每次他去酒吧都会用它。
The visionary feminist writer bell hooks says love is made up of seven parts.
有远见的女权主义作家贝尔·胡克斯说，爱情由七部分组成。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。