782: Family Dig - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #782 | October 14, 2022 782: Family Dig Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 782 集 | 2022 年 10 月 14 日 782：家庭挖掘 注：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
序言：序言 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的 Ira Glass，这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
So, Nancy Updike has been a producer making stories here at This American Life, starting with our very first episode back in the 1990s.
因此，南希·厄普代克 (Nancy Updike) 一直是《This American Life》的制片人，从 20 世纪 90 年代的第一集开始制作故事。
And when Nancy takes on a big story, it is very exciting for me and the other producers here because nobody writes or reports a story the way that Nancy does.
当南希接手一个大故事时，我和这里的其他制片人都非常兴奋，因为没有人像南希那样撰写或报道故事。
She just throws you in there with the people that she's writing about, and you're in so deep so quickly.
她只是把你和她所写的人一起扔进去，你很快就陷得很深。
And there's this just intimacy to it.
这就是一种亲密感。
It's got such a feeling to it.
有这样的感觉。
And she has a new podcast.
她有一个新的播客。
It is called We Were Three.
它的名字叫《我们三个》。
She made it with her coworkers who make Serial.
她和制作《Serial》的同事一起成功了。
And today, on the show, I'm going to play you the first episode of her podcast, and you'll hear what I'm talking about for yourself.
今天，在节目中，我将向您播放她播客的第一集，您会亲自听到我在说什么。
That's going to be the first big chunk of today's show.
这将是今天节目的第一大块。
And then after that, we have another story for you of somebody who is digging around in their family's past, like the woman who's at the center of Nancy's story.
之后，我们为您准备了另一个故事，讲述的是某个人正在挖掘他们家族的过去，就像南希故事中心的那个女人一样。
And just, let's just get to it.
让我们开始吧。
I think actually saying more about Nancy's story will not add to the listening experience of it.
我认为实际上更多地谈论南希的故事并不会增加它的聆听体验。
So here's Nancy Updike.
这是南希·厄普代克。
Rachel McKibbens and her dad, Pete Camacho, stopped talking and resumed talking many times over the course of her life.
雷切尔·麦吉本斯和她的父亲皮特·卡马乔在她的一生中多次停止说话又重新开始说话。
He could be generous.
他可以很慷慨。
He could be mean and drunk.
他可能很卑鄙而且喝醉了。
She learned how to be mean.
她学会了如何变得刻薄。
She left California, moved across the country.
她离开加州，搬到全国各地。
She loved him when she could, and she never wrote him off.
她尽可能地爱他，而且从未放弃过他。
She made sure her kids knew the good version of him.
她确保她的孩子们了解他的好版本。
When COVID started, Rachel and her father were in a barely talking phase.
新冠疫情爆发时，雷切尔和她的父亲正处于几乎不说话的阶段。
But a few months in, he emailed her.
但几个月后，他给她发了电子邮件。
Trying to find the email where he reached out.
试图找到他联系的电子邮件。
So I think the word was "infusion."
所以我认为这个词是“输液”。
Yep, here we go-- "infusion." I was right.
是的，我们开始了——“输液”。我是对的。
She opened the email.
她打开了电子邮件。
Rachel McKibbens And it said, "Just want to be sure that my New York family is safe in all of this.
雷切尔·麦基本斯 上面写着：“只是想确保我纽约的家人在这一切中都是安全的。
Please, if there's anything you need, let me know.
如果您需要什么，请告诉我。
We're family after all." And I was like, OK, here's an olive branch.
我们毕竟是一家人。”我当时想，好吧，这是一根橄榄枝。
He sent $1,000 to her bank account-- an infusion.
他向她的银行账户汇了 1,000 美元——一笔输液。
It saved the day.
它挽救了这一天。
Rachel and her partner at the time, Jacob, ran a bar and restaurant in Rochester, New York.
雷切尔和她当时的合伙人雅各布在纽约罗切斯特经营一家酒吧和餐馆。
It was closed-- COVID.
它被关闭了——新冠肺炎。
They were strapped.
他们被绑住了。
They had three kids at home, out of five.
他们家里有五个孩子，其中三个。
A year or so later, conversations with her father were very different.
大约一年后，她与父亲的谈话发生了很大的变化。
Her father was insisting that Rachel not vaccinate his grandkids, her children.
她的父亲坚持要求雷切尔不要给他的孙子、她的孩子接种疫苗。
He called it murder.
他称之为谋杀。
When she pushed back, he'd ridicule her.
当她反击时，他会嘲笑她。
Rachel stopped talking to him.
雷切尔不再和他说话了。
She didn't bother telling her father when she, her two youngest kids, and Jacob all got COVID in the fall of 2021.
2021 年秋天，当她、她最小的两个孩子和雅各布都感染了新冠病毒时，她没有费心告诉父亲。
Even when Jacob went into the ICU for five days and the doctors told her to pray, she still didn't reach out to her dad for support.
即使雅各布在重症监护室住了五天，医生告诉她要祈祷，她仍然没有向父亲寻求支持。
Four days after Jacob was finally released from the hospital and back home with Rachel and the family recovering--
四天后，雅各布终于出院，带着瑞秋和家人康复回到家中——
At about midnight, my brother sent me a text that said, I've been too distraught to tell you, but Dad passed away today at 2:42 PM because of--
大约午夜时分，我哥哥给我发了一条短信，内容是：我心烦意乱，无法告诉你，但爸爸今天下午 2 点 42 分去世了，因为——
A text telling her that her father had been dead for hours.
一条短信告诉她，她的父亲已经去世几个小时了。
She figured car accident.
她以为出车祸了。
She knew he'd been driving a lot, looking for work.
她知道他经常开车去寻找工作。
She called her brother, Peter Camacho, Jr.
她称她的兄弟小彼得·卡马乔为“小彼得·卡马乔”。
I said, Peter, what is happening?
我说，彼得，发生了什么事？
What happened?
发生了什么？
And he explained that they had gone to a funeral, and he said, I never should have let Dad go to the funeral with all those vaxxed people.
他解释说他们去参加了葬礼，他说，我不应该让爸爸和那些打疫苗的人一起去参加葬礼。
Vaccinated people.
接种疫苗的人。
Her brother believed that COVID vaccines weren't just dangerous for people who got the vaccine.
她的哥哥认为，新冠疫苗不仅对接种疫苗的人来说是危险的。
Vaccinated people were dangerous to be around if you are unvaccinated, like him and his dad.
如果你没有接种疫苗，那么和接种过疫苗的人在一起就会很危险，就像他和他的父亲一样。
They lived together.
他们住在一起。
They'd been living together for years.
他们已经同居多年了。
And I was like, I can't even begin this argument.
我当时想，我什至无法开始这场争论。
I'm just going to listen.
我只是去听听。
And he goes, I should never have hugged-- and he named a cousin.
他说，我不应该拥抱——他还提到了一个表弟。
And he said, I should never have let my dad hug-- and he named the same cousin.
他说，我不应该让我爸爸拥抱——他还提到了同一个表弟。
They're all vaxxed idiots.
他们都是涂了疫苗的白痴。
Right, he just starts with, I never should have let him go to the funeral to hug vaccinated people.
是的，他一开始就说，我不应该让他去参加葬礼去拥抱接种疫苗的人。
He said, because of all their shedding, they shed the virus.
他说，由于它们全部脱落，因此它们也传播了病毒。
And it stopped me in my tracks.
它让我停下了脚步。
And then I just-- I was like, so what happened?
然后我就想，发生了什么？
He had COVID?
他感染了新冠病毒吗？
And he said, no, no, but he was having trouble breathing.
他说，不，不，但他呼吸困难。
He had pneumonia.
他患有肺炎。
Like, Peter, all of his symptoms are COVID.
就像彼得一样，他的所有症状都是新冠病毒。
You're saying he had shallow breathing.
你说他呼吸很浅。
You're saying he was fatigued.
你说他累了。
You're saying he lacked the strength to even eat.
你是说他连吃饭的力气都没有了。
At one point, he was just sort of trying to pour milk-- or not milk, sorry-- soup into the corners of his mouth and spraying him with water to get some level of hydration.
有一次，他只是想把牛奶——或者不是牛奶，抱歉——汤倒进他的嘴角，并向他喷水以获得一定程度的水分。
And he said that his bed was covered in sweat.
他说他的床被汗湿了。
And then he said, Dad would stare off, and so I'd slap him.
然后他说，爸爸会盯着看，所以我会打他。
And then he'd look at me, and that he just-- he would say, hey, Dad, are you OK?
然后他会看着我，然后他会说，嘿，爸爸，你还好吗？
And he'd go, yeah.
他会走，是的。
And he said Dad's eyes were just wide open.
他说爸爸的眼睛睁得大大的。
And I slapped him, and he was gone.
我打了他一巴掌，他就走了。
Rachel was trying to take all of this in, trying to get information without letting loose on her brother, who was plainly grief-struck from having just watched their father die in front of him.
雷切尔试图接受这一切，试图在不释放她哥哥的情况下获取信息，她的兄弟显然因为刚刚看着他们的父亲死在他面前而悲痛欲绝。
But he was telling her he had watched their father die in front of him for days.
但他告诉她，他已经看着他们的父亲死在他面前好几天了。
He didn't take him to the hospital, didn't call 911, didn't call Rachel to tell her their father was so sick he could barely speak.
他没有带他去医院，没有拨打911，也没有打电话给雷切尔告诉她他们的父亲病得很重，几乎无法说话。
Then another thought hit her.
然后另一个想法袭向她。
I said, Peter, you've been his nurse this whole time.
我说，彼得，你一直是他的护士。
How do you feel?
你感觉如何？
And he said, well, I mean, we both probably got sick around the same time, but I'm healthier than Dad.
他说，嗯，我的意思是，我们可能在同一时间都生病了，但我比爸爸更健康。
And I said, Peter, you understand you definitely have COVID.
我说，彼得，你知道你肯定感染了新冠病毒。
Can you take a deep breath?
你能深呼吸吗？
I need you to take a deep breath for me, and he did.
我需要你为我深呼吸，他做到了。
And I go, OK, how do you feel?
我说，好吧，你感觉怎么样？
He goes, I'm tired.
他走了，我累了。
And that's when I just lost it.
就在那时我刚刚失去了它。
And I screamed at him.
我对他尖叫。
And I said, if you don't--
我说，如果你不——
You're his older sister.
你是他的姐姐。
Rachel McKibbens Yeah, I'm his older and only sister.
Rachel McKibbens 是的，我是他唯一的姐姐。
And I said, Peter, I can forgive you for not taking Dad to the hospital.
我说，彼得，我可以原谅你没有带爸爸去医院。
I can find forgiveness somewhere in me.
我可以在我内心的某个地方找到宽恕。
But I swear to you, if you don't go to the ER right now, I will not forgive you when you die.
但我向你发誓，如果你现在不去急诊室，当你死后我不会原谅你。
You are dying.
你快死了。
I need you to go to the ER right now.
我需要你现在就去急诊室。
Rachel stayed on the phone with her brother, heard him get into the car, the door slam, the engine turn over.
雷切尔一直在和她哥哥打电话，听到他钻进车里，车门关上，引擎转动。
She finally relaxed a bit when she heard Peter go inside the hospital and check in.
当听到Peter进医院检查的声音时，她终于放松了一点。
He was 44 years old, 6 foot 4, 220.
他今年 44 岁，身高 6 英尺 4 英寸，身高 220。
Never smoked, didn't drink, lifted weights.
不抽烟、不喝酒、不举重。
When COVID hit, he'd been on a cleanse.
当新冠肺炎爆发时，他正在接受净化。
He had health insurance through MediCal, California's Medicaid system.
他通过加州医疗补助系统 MediCal 购买了健康保险。
But Peter hadn't had a full-time job in years.
但彼得已经很多年没有找到全职工作了。
He depended on his father.
他依赖他的父亲。
He didn't have his own bank account.
他没有自己的银行账户。
His first text exchange with Rachel from the hospital was about money.
他在医院与瑞秋的第一次短信交流是关于钱的。
He asked--
他问——
How much was Jake's bill?
杰克的账单多少钱？
Nancy Updike Meaning, how much was Rachel's then-partner Jacob's medical bill when he had COVID?
南希·厄普代克（Nancy Updike）的意思是，雷切尔（Rachel）当时的伴侣雅各布（Jacob）感染新冠病毒时的医疗费用是多少？
She texted back--
她回短信——
I said it seriously is the last thing you need to be concerned about right now.
我说真的，这是你现在最不需要担心的事情。
So just please-- it doesn't matter.
所以请吧——没关系。
I'm so proud of you for taking care of yourself, Peter.
我为你照顾好自己而感到骄傲，彼得。
He said, 103 temp, oxygen levels low.
他说，温度103，氧气含量低。
I said, yep.
我说，是的。
Jacob was at 83 when I brought him in.
我带雅各布进来时他已经 83 岁了。
That's really, really bad.
这真的非常非常糟糕。
And he said, they just better not put me on a ventilator.
他说，他们最好不要给我戴呼吸机。
And I said, Peter, you are a fighter.
我说，彼得，你是一名战士。
I need you to meditate on your living, on surviving this.
我需要你思考你的生活，思考如何生存。
And he says, thanks for getting me going on this.
他说，谢谢你让我继续这件事。
I wasn't going to get any better at home.
我在家也不会好转。
And I said, no, you weren't.
我说，不，你不是。
And if they want to put you on remdesivir, ask them to pair it with Olumiant.
如果他们想让您服用瑞德西韦，请让他们将其与 Olumiant 配对。
It's a game changer.
这是一个游戏规则的改变者。
Remdesivir and Olumiant was the combination that doctors had given to Jacob the week before.
瑞德西韦（Remdesivir）和奥卢米特（Olumiant）是医生一周前给雅各布开出的组合药物。
That's how Rachel knew about it.
雷切尔就是这样知道的。
She had just been through all this.
她刚刚经历过这一切。
If it isn't pneumonia yet, they need to put you on the monoclonal antibodies.
如果还不是肺炎，他们需要让你注射单克隆抗体。
I said this to him, and he said, I don't like these guys.
我对他说了这件事，他说，我不喜欢这些人。
Peter didn't like the guys at the hospital because they wanted to swab his nose for a PCR test to see if he had COVID.
彼得不喜欢医院里的人，因为他们想用拭子擦拭他的鼻子进行 PCR 检测，看看他是否感染了新冠病毒。
He told Rachel he thought the swab tests were a scam, that doctors got a $15,000 bonus for every swab they did that led to a positive COVID result.
他告诉雷切尔，他认为拭子检测是一个骗局，医生每进行一次拭子检测，结果呈阳性，就会获得 15,000 美元的奖金。
I said, I love you, Peter.
我说，我爱你，彼得。
Let them help you get better.
让他们帮助您变得更好。
He said, I love you, too.
他说，我也爱你。
Minutes later, positive for COVID.
几分钟后，新冠病毒呈阳性。
Within three days, to Rachel's great surprise and relief, Peter told her he was on the mend.
三天之内，令雷切尔感到非常惊讶和宽慰的是，彼得告诉她他的病情正在好转。
He went home to rest, and she made plans to go out to Santa Ana, California, where he lived and where the two of them had grown up.
他回家休息，她计划去加利福尼亚州圣安娜，那里是他居住的地方，也是他们两人长大的地方。
Peter asked Rachel a couple of times after he left the hospital whether their father's cause of death had been identified yet.
出院后，彼得多次询问雷切尔，父亲的死因是否已经确定。
She said COVID, even though she hadn't seen the death certificate, because it seemed obvious to her.
她说是新冠肺炎，尽管她没有看到死亡证明，因为这对她来说似乎是显而易见的。
And she turned out to be right.
事实证明她是对的。
When Rachel got to Santa Ana, along with one of her older kids, Peter asked them over the phone not to come in the house.
当雷切尔和她的一个大孩子到达圣安娜时，彼得通过电话要求他们不要进屋。
Said he still felt too vulnerable because they were vaccinated.
说他仍然觉得自己太脆弱了，因为他们接种了疫苗。
He believed, again, that vaccines make people shed the virus, and therefore, vaccinated people are especially dangerous to be around for the unvaccinated.
他再次相信，疫苗会使人们传播病毒，因此，与未接种疫苗的人相比，接种疫苗的人尤其危险。
Rachel decided to give him some time.
雷切尔决定给他一些时间。
They would see him before they left.
他们在离开之前会见到他。
They could do it outside in masks in the backyard.
他们可以在后院戴着面具进行户外活动。
She didn't push.
她没有催促。
He sounded tired.
他听起来很累。
She wasn't surprised.
她并不感到惊讶。
After she'd had COVID, she'd barely been able to open a jar for a week.
感染新冠病毒后，她有一周都无法打开罐子。
Rachel kept checking in via text and phone calls.
雷切尔不断通过短信和电话查看情况。
She was handling the paperwork and details of their father's death.
她正在处理父亲去世的文书工作和细节。
She was dropping off food at the front door.
她正在前门送食物。
Food, logistics, love.
食物、物流、爱情。
You hungry?
你饿了吗？
Can I pick you up anything?
我可以帮你拿东西吗？
I'm close.
我很接近。
I'm two blocks away.
我在两个街区之外。
He says, can't think of anything right now.
他说，现在想不到什么。
Those guys ever contact you?
那些人曾经联系过你吗？
I say, I called yesterday.
我说，我昨天打电话了。
They said they're super busy and the paperwork was sent to the crematorium on Thursday.
他们说他们非常忙，文件已于周四发送到火葬场。
That's one of their last texts.
这是他们最后的短信之一。
Peter died a week after Rachel got to Santa Ana.
雷切尔到达圣安娜一周后，彼得去世了。
She never saw him.
她从未见过他。
A long-time neighbor found him.
一位老邻居找到了他。
Rachel learned from the coroner that her brother had not made a quick, remarkable recovery and been discharged from the hospital to go rest at home, as she had believed.
雷切尔从验尸官处得知，她的哥哥并没有像她所认为的那样迅速、显着地康复并出院回家休息。
He had checked himself out of the hospital after 2 and 1/2 days against medical advice.
2又1/2天后，他违背医疗建议自行出院。
I was stunned.
我惊呆了。
I mean, what it means is that he was lying to me.
我的意思是，这意味着他在骗我。
He knew what to say.
他知道该说什么。
He knew what to hide.
他知道该隐藏什么。
I mean, I was-- I was floating through my days.
我的意思是，我的日子过得漂泊不定。
It felt like my brain had been wiped.
感觉就像我的大脑被抹掉了。
Rachel was dumbfounded by how much she didn't know about her father's and brother's last month of being alive.
雷切尔大吃一惊，因为她对父亲和兄弟在世的最后一个月的情况一无所知。
Everything was gone.
一切都消失了。
All the answers she'd put off trying to get from her brother about why he hadn't asked for help for their father-- gone.
她一直试图从她哥哥那里得到关于为什么他没有为他们的父亲寻求帮助的所有答案——都消失了。
Her brother's recovery-- fake, some kind of performance.
她哥哥的康复——假的，某种表演。
She had no idea what he'd been thinking as he was fading away, what he'd been doing, instead of telling her the truth.
她不知道他消失的时候在想什么，他在做什么，而不是告诉她真相。
And then Rachel made a discovery-- a record of Peter's final days.
然后雷切尔有了一个发现——记录了彼得最后的日子。
And she found out exactly what happened.
她确切地知道发生了什么事。
Part One, Black Box.
第一部分，黑匣子。
COVID caught us while we were busy.
当我们忙碌的时候，新冠病毒抓住了我们。
Each person it found, and each family, was in the midst of their specific unfinished business, their pre-existing fault lines and disconnections.
它发现的每个人和每个家庭都处于他们特定的未完成的事务、他们预先存在的断层线和脱节之中。
The fault lines are why I'm here.
断层线就是我在这里的原因。
This is a story about a family and what COVID did to them, what it destroyed, but also what it revealed.
这是一个关于一个家庭的故事，讲述了新冠病毒对他们造成了什么、摧毁了什么，以及它揭示了什么。
Rachel lived thousands of miles away from her father and brother, and she was used to stretches of relative silence with them.
雷切尔住在距离父亲和兄弟数千英里之外的地方，她习惯了与他们保持相对沉默。
But those quieter periods were always part of a rhythm that swung back.
但那些安静的时期总是回归节奏的一部分。
Even an angry silence was never permanent.
即使是愤怒的沉默也不是永久的。
Now, the fact that she didn't have any idea what happened at the end, Rachel was tormented by this not knowing.
现在，事实上她根本不知道最后发生了什么，雷切尔被这种不知道所折磨。
The pain propelled her.
疼痛推动着她。
She wasn't quiet with grief.
她因悲伤而没有安静下来。
She was vibrating with it.
她随之颤抖。
She had questions.
她有疑问。
The first person she called after talking to the coroner was her and Peter's cousin.
与验尸官交谈后，她打电话给的第一个人是她和彼得的表弟。
Rachel and her brother were only a year and a half apart, and the cousin was right around the same age, mid-40s.
雷切尔和她的兄弟只相差一岁半，表弟的年龄也差不多，四十多岁。
The three of them had grown up playing together.
他们三个是从小一起玩着长大的。
Her cousin seemed just as baffled as she was by Peter's death, by the fact that he left the hospital against medical advice.
她的表弟似乎和她一样对彼得的死感到困惑，因为他不顾医生的建议而离开了医院。
She asked him a terrible question the coroner had asked her.
她问了他一个验尸官问过她的可怕问题。
Any chance this was intentional?
这有可能是故意的吗？
Had her brother been suicidal?
她哥哥有自杀倾向吗？
Rachel didn't think so, but she also felt like, what the hell do I know?
雷切尔不这么认为，但她也觉得，我到底知道什么？
She says her cousin said, no way.
她说她表弟说，不可能。
No way.
决不。
Peter wanted to live.
彼得想活下去。
At the house where Peter and her father had lived, Rachel gathered up old photos and looked through them.
在彼得和她父亲住过的房子里，雷切尔收集了一些旧照片并翻阅着。
These are all great photos, and I want these, but I wonder if they had any photos of themselves.
这些都是很棒的照片，我想要这些，但我想知道他们是否有自己的照片。
I don't even know what they looked like in the final years.
我什至不知道他们最后几年长什么样子。
I don't know.
我不知道。
And so I started charging their phones.
于是我开始给他们的手机充电。
And then I heard, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, like message, message, message.
然后我听到，噗噗，噗噗，噗噗，噗噗，噗噗，就像消息，消息，消息。
And I'm like, oh, god, I didn't even think about there's people checking in on my brother.
我当时就想，天啊，我什至没有想到有人在检查我的兄弟。
And then I just started reading.
然后我就开始阅读。
Rachel looked at a text from the cousin she just talked to.
雷切尔看着刚刚和她说话的表弟发来的短信。
His last text to Peter on the day Peter died, he said, "Yo, Jax, please answer me, man."
彼得去世那天，他给彼得发的最后一条短信是：“哟，贾克斯，请回答我，伙计。”
And then before that are several TikTok links.
在此之前是几个 TikTok 链接。
And I was like, ugh, what are these?
我当时想，呃，这些是什么？
And then I don't have the app.
然后我就没有这个应用程序了。
I don't really know how to operate it, I'll be honest.
老实说，我真的不知道如何操作。
I'm not interested in it.
我对此不感兴趣。
And then I just scrolled up.
然后我就向上滚动。
And I just couldn't help, but just be invested in their conversation.
我只是无能为力，只能投入到他们的谈话中。
Rachel kept scrolling up and up and up through the texts between Peter and their cousin until she was back in October, when Peter was still alive and was texting with their cousin about what to do about Rachel and Peter's dad, who was so sick with COVID at that point, he was having trouble lifting his arms.
雷切尔不停地向上滚动彼得和他们表弟之间的短信，直到她十月份回来，当时彼得还活着，正在和他们的表弟发短信，询问如何处理雷切尔和彼得的父亲，当时彼得的父亲因新冠病得很重，举起手臂都困难。
The cousin guesses that Peter's father might have myocarditis.
表弟猜测彼得的父亲可能患有心肌炎。
Peter thinks maybe it's a bacterial infection of some kind.
彼得认为这可能是某种细菌感染。
The night before Peter's father dies of COVID, Peter texts his cousin and says, "Do you or your mom or anyone in your house have antibiotics?" A minute later, the cousin writes back, "No," and asks Peter, "How are you feeling?"
彼得的父亲死于新冠肺炎的前一天晚上，彼得给他的表弟发短信说：“你、你妈妈或者你家里的任何人有抗生素吗？”一分钟后，表弟回信说：“没有，”并问彼得：“你感觉怎么样？”
Peter, 20 minutes later-- "Definitely not well yet.
彼得，20 分钟后——“肯定还没好。
A fever that keeps springing back to 103, agitating dry cough, and the squirts again.
发烧持续回升至 103 度，伴有干咳，并且再次出现潮喷。
My dad has the same cough, only 100 temperature, and is shallow breathing, pretty fast.
我爸爸也有同样的咳嗽，体温只有100度，而且呼吸很浅，很快。
I'm thinking the fever keeps coming back because it might be a bacterial thing.
我想发烧会反复出现，因为这可能是细菌引起的。
The cough is [BLEEP] horrible--" I'm beeping that because he wrote "F" and then a bunch of asterisks.
咳嗽得[BLEEP]可怕——”我发出嘟嘟声是因为他写了“F”，然后写了一堆星号。
"The cough is [BLEEP] horrible because it waits till we lay down to go to sleep, and it becomes very itchy.
“咳嗽很可怕，因为要等到我们躺下睡觉时才会咳嗽，而且会变得非常痒。
And we can't go to sleep because of it.
因此我们无法入睡。
We end up coughing all night.
我们整晚都在咳嗽。
So we're both very sleep deprived."
所以我们都睡眠不足。”
Cousin-- "Fuck, that's bad." Cousin, a few minutes later-- "OK, so tomorrow, I'm going to bring you guys [BLEEP].
表弟——“操，这可糟了。”表弟，几分钟后——“好吧，所以明天，我要给你们带来[BLEEP]。
I'm going to [BLEEP] you guys." Peter-- "Oh, man, bring it." Cousin-- "I will.
我要[BLEEP]你们。”彼得——“哦，伙计，拿来吧。”表弟——“我会的。
I just got to run to the store tomorrow morning and buy ingredients and make it.
我明天早上就得跑去商店买原料然后做。
I also have an immunity kit that I just ordered from my old job.
我还有一个免疫套件，是我刚刚从以前的工作中订购的。
Keeping it, like, behind glass in case of emergencies.
把它放在玻璃后面，以防发生紧急情况。
It's time to break the glass." Peter-- "Sounds good to me.
是时候打破玻璃了。”彼得——“我觉得听起来不错。
I'll tell Pops."
我会告诉爸爸的。”
15 minutes later, Peter texts about him and his dad-- "We were already detoxing anyway two weeks prior, so I thought our bodies were just following through on its own.
15 分钟后，彼得发短信谈论他和他的父亲——“无论如何，我们两周前就已经在排毒了，所以我认为我们的身体只是在自行完成。
I mean, we gave up the bad food we were eating every day, even coffee.
我的意思是，我们放弃了每天吃的不好的食物，甚至咖啡。
Coffee, dude.
咖啡，伙计。
Yes, even that creamer.
是的，甚至是奶精。
And then this [BLEEP] comes on.
然后这个[BLEEP]出现了。
It's like we try to do it right, and then we get [BLEEP]." Cousin-- "Damn it, you guys were too clean."
就好像我们试图把事情做好，然后我们就得到了[BLEEP]。”表哥——“妈的，你们也太干净了。”
Rachel saw, over the course of her father's last day, Peter describing their dad hallucinating, coughing, grunting, losing control of his bladder and bowels, Peter giving him vitamins and probiotics.
在父亲去世的最后一天，雷切尔看到彼得描述他们的父亲出现幻觉、咳嗽、咕噜咕噜、膀胱和肠道失去控制，彼得给他服用维生素和益生菌。
The cousin dropped off a final round of soup on the porch in the afternoon.
下午，表弟在门廊上送了最后一轮汤。
Seeing how her father's death had unfolded was awful, how he'd suffered.
看到她父亲的死是多么可怕，他遭受了多么痛苦。
But Rachel also read those texts, and everything Peter and her cousin wrote going forward with the helpless awareness of somebody watching a Greek tragedy, knowing what the characters don't, all the horror that's to come.
但雷切尔也读了这些文字，以及彼得和她表弟所写的所有内容，就像一个人在观看希腊悲剧一样无助地意识到，知道角色不知道什么，以及即将到来的所有恐怖。
It's like the black box after a plane crash.
就像飞机失事后的黑匣子一样。
It's like hearing ghosts speak of themselves.
就像听到鬼魂谈论自己一样。
I mean, I just responded with absolute rage and heartbreak.
我的意思是，我的反应是绝对的愤怒和心碎。
She saw the text exchange between her brother and cousin at the moment her father died.
在她父亲去世的那一刻，她看到了她哥哥和表弟之间的短信交流。
Peter-- "I believe he's taken his final breaths." And then a minute later-- "He's gone." Cousin-- "What?
彼得——“我相信他已经咽下了最后一口气。”一分钟后——“他走了。”表弟——“什么？
Peter, what?" Peter-- "I seriously don't know what to do now."
彼得，什么？”彼得——“我真的不知道现在该怎么办。”
This is when Rachel saw herself enter the conversation, when her brother texted her that their father was gone.
就在这时，雷切尔看到自己加入了谈话，她的哥哥发短信给她说他们的父亲去世了。
She saw in the texts how the shock of their father's death had opened up a window of opportunity with Peter.
她在短信中看到，父亲去世的震惊如何为彼得打开了机会之窗。
And in that window, Peter had texted her, and she'd convinced him to go to the hospital.
在那个窗口里，彼得给她发了短信，她说服他去医院。
Or, as he put it in a text to the cousin--
或者，正如他在给表弟的短信中所说的那样——
"Rachel demanded that I go to the ER, so I'm going to the ER."
“雷切尔要求我去急诊室，所以我就去急诊室。”
Their cousin texted back-- "Keep me posted."
他们的表弟回复了短信——“随时通知我。”
That was when I understood that there were dual conversations being had, and that one was my attempt at saving my brother's life, and the other one was my cousin's version of an attempt at saving my brother's life.
就在那时，我意识到正在进行双重对话，其中一次是我试图挽救我兄弟的生命，另一次是我表弟试图挽救我兄弟的生命。
Rachel and Peter's cousin didn't respond to my texts, letter, and phone message requesting an interview with him.
雷切尔和彼得的表弟没有回复我要求采访他的短信、信件和电话留言。
I'm not naming him because of that, and because I don't want strangers harassing him over this story.
我不会因为这个而点名他，也因为我不想让陌生人因为这个故事骚扰他。
Rachel hasn't spoken to him since she found the texts between him and her brother, and he hasn't contacted her.
自从雷切尔发现他和她哥哥之间的短信以来，她就没有和他说过话，他也没有联系过她。
Peter, in these texts back and forth with each of them, is clearly scared for his life.
彼得在与他们每一个人来回的文字中，显然对自己的生命感到害怕。
And I don't know what people do in countries that have a functioning healthcare system, but in the United States, a lot of us, maybe most of us, seek out advice from friends and family in the midst of a health crisis.
我不知道在拥有有效医疗保健系统的国家人们会做什么，但在美国，我们很多人，也许是我们大多数人，在健康危机期间向朋友和家人寻求建议。
The friends and family guidance is often supplemented by the internet, and then we're faced with a messy pile of anecdotes, jargon, and sales pitches to sift through.
朋友和家人的指导通常由互联网作为补充，然后我们面临着一堆杂乱的轶事、行话和推销说辞需要筛选。
That messy pile may be all a person has if they don't have a primary care doctor.
如果一个人没有初级保健医生，那堆乱七八糟的东西可能就是一个人的全部了。
Peter didn't.
彼得没有。
But he did live close enough to a decent hospital that he was able to make it in time to be offered possibly life saving care, at which point he began to worry.
但他的住处确实离一家像样的医院足够近，因此他能够及时赶到并获得可能挽救生命的护理，此时他开始担心。
Can I afford this?
我买得起这个吗？
Peter's mistrust of the medical system revolved around money.
彼得对医疗系统的不信任源于金钱。
In his texts with his cousin, even before he and his father got sick, Peter kept returning to the idea that he didn't believe in the COVID tests and treatments because people were getting rich from them.
甚至在他和父亲生病之前，彼得就在与表弟的短信中不断回想起他不相信新冠病毒检测和治疗的想法，因为人们正在从中致富。
He believed there was a government plan that gave hospitals and doctors financial incentives to kill people and blame COVID.
他相信政府有一项计划，为医院和医生提供经济激励，让他们杀人并归咎于新冠病毒。
Peter was afraid of the wrong things with COVID.
彼得担心新冠疫情会带来不好的后果。
He was just incorrect.
他只是错了。
But the overall idea that the US medical system is shaped by profit-seeking that is often at odds with good patient care, that's a fact.
但美国医疗体系是由逐利行为所塑造的总体观念往往与良好的患者护理相矛盾，这是事实。
No one in America is wrong to be afraid of medical bills.
在美国，害怕医疗费用是没有错的。
In light of that reality and in light of Peter's earlier texts, it's a sign of just how scared he was when he texts Rachel from the hospital and says--
鉴于这一现实以及彼得之前的短信，这表明当他从医院给瑞秋发短信说——
"Thanks for getting me going on this.
“谢谢你让我继续这件事。
I wasn't going to get any better at home."
我在家也不会好转。”
And it was hard for Rachel to accept, as she was reading through the texts, that only 40 minutes after he wrote that to her, when he finds out the hospital will be giving him a nasal swab, Peter's resolve starts to falter.
雷切尔在阅读短信时很难接受，在他给她写信后仅 40 分钟，当他发现医院将为他提供鼻拭子时，彼得的决心开始动摇。
And so Peter texted their cousin-- "They PCR'd me," cringe emoji.
于是彼得给他们的表弟发了短信——“他们对我进行了PCR，”令人畏缩的表情符号。
"Too sick to get up and leave." No response from the cousin.
“病得太重了，无法起身离开。”表弟没有回应。
An hour later, Rachel texts Peter--
一小时后，雷切尔给彼得发短信——
"I love you, Peter.
“我爱你，彼得。
Let them help you get better."
让他们帮助你变得更好。”
Peter writes back-- "I love you, too." An hour later, the cousin texts him-- "Did the test come back yet?" Peter-- "Positive, of course." Peter texts the cousin that he's just been given some steroids in his IV.
彼得回信说：“我也爱你。”一个小时后，表弟发短信给他——“考试回来了吗？”彼得——“当然是积极的。”彼得给表弟发短信说他刚刚在静脉注射中注射了一些类固醇。
It was an anti-inflammatory, dexamethasone-- an inexpensive generic, for anyone counting at home.
这是一种抗炎药地塞米松——一种廉价的仿制药，适合任何在家计数的人。
A month earlier, before Peter's father had even gotten sick, the cousin had texted Peter that, quote, "hospitals get a 20% bonus for administering Fauci's poison, remdesivir." Now, the cousin texts Peter-- "What was the steroid called?" And a couple of minutes later-- "OK, I just read remdesivir is not a steroid.
一个月前，在彼得的父亲生病之前，他的表弟就给彼得发短信说，“医院因使用福奇的毒药瑞德西韦而获得 20% 的奖金。”现在，表弟给彼得发短信——“类固醇叫什么名字？”几分钟后——“好吧，我刚刚读到瑞德西韦不是类固醇。
Phew." Peter texts the cousin an hour later, saying, "Rachel said, 'If they want to put you on remdesivir, ask them to pair it with Olumiant.
唷。”一小时后，彼得给表弟发短信说：“雷切尔说，‘如果他们想让你服用瑞德西韦，请让他们将其与 Olumiant 配对。
It's a game changer.'" No response from the cousin.
这是一个游戏规则的改变者。”表弟没有回应。
The cousin, 2 and 1/2 hours later-- "Fuck that.
2又1/2小时后，表弟——“操。
Do not take remdesivir.
不要服用瑞德西韦。
54% chance it'll shut down your kidneys." Several hours later, Peter textes the cousin-- "They finally brought in a bag of remdesivir, and I said, I'll hold off on that.
54% 的机会它会关闭你的肾脏。”几个小时后，彼得给表弟发短信——“他们终于带来了一袋瑞德西韦，我说，我会推迟一下。
And he said, OK, that's fine.
他说，好吧，没关系。
I had no problem with the nurse's assistants and the nurse, but as soon as the doctor comes and makes a decision, you know it's the [BLEEP] ones."
我对护士助理和护士没有意见，但一旦医生来做出决定，你就知道是[BLEEP]的。”
The cousin a minute later-- "No, no, no remdesivir." Peter texts him a photo of an IV bag.
一分钟后，表弟——“不，不，没有瑞德西韦。”彼得给他发了一张静脉输液袋的照片。
The cousin asks, "They're giving it to you?" Peter-- "No, I told them I'll pass." The cousin-- '"OK.
表弟问：“他们给你了？”彼得——“不，我告诉他们我会过去。”表弟——‘“好吧。
I know you're tired, but keep an eye on those fuckers.
我知道你很累，但请留意那些混蛋。
Watch everything they're putting in those lines."
观察他们在这些线上投入的一切。”
I'd offer him advice, and I'd see him go to our cousin to get the second opinion, you know?
我会向他提供建议，然后我会看到他去找我们的表弟寻求第二意见，你知道吗？
And he would just always derail those efforts.
而他总是会破坏这些努力。
It's just the most unfathomable, absurd conversation to watch happen.
这是一场最深不可测、最荒谬的对话。
Peter texts the cousin a photo of his dad at that family funeral he told Rachel about.
彼得给表弟发了一张他父亲在他告诉瑞秋的家庭葬礼上的照片。
Their dad is hugging a relative who was vaccinated, as he'd mentioned to Rachel.
他们的父亲正在拥抱一位接种疫苗的亲戚，正如他向雷切尔提到的那样。
He captions the photo, "the day my dad was killed." The next morning, Peter texts the cousin-- "Temp finally down, 98.8.
他在照片上加上了标题：“我父亲被杀的那天。”第二天早上，彼得给表弟发短信——“体温终于降下来了，98.8。
Still on oxygen because my oxygen levels are weak." The cousin-- "I'm glad you're starting to improve.
仍在吸氧，因为我的氧气水平很弱。”表弟——“我很高兴你开始进步。
The sooner, the better.
越早越好。
They won't have a chance to kill you."
他们不会有机会杀你的。”
Again, the cousin didn't respond to my interview requests.
表弟再次没有回应我的采访请求。
One of the things I know about the cousin, the very little I know from reading the full thread of his texts, is that he's a father.
我对这位表弟了解的一件事是，我从阅读他的全文中了解到的很少，那就是他是一位父亲。
Two of the family members who live with him are in their 70s, and he worries about their health.
与他住在一起的两名家人都已经70多岁了，他担心他们的健康。
He's a man with multiple heavy responsibilities, who is also up late and early for weeks, worrying about his cousin Peter, checking on him.
他是一个身负多重责任的人，连续几个星期都起早贪黑，担心他的表弟彼得，检查他的情况。
I also know from Rachel that about 10 years ago, the cousin lost another cousin, Jennifer, who was like a little sister to him after she went to the hospital.
我还从雷切尔那里得知，大约10年前，表弟失去了另一个表弟詹妮弗，她去医院后对他来说就像一个小妹妹。
Unexpected.
意外。
It didn't make sense.
这没有道理。
She was the youngest of the four of us cousins.
她是我们四个堂兄弟中最小的一个。
And her bladder had been nicked during a cesarean.
她的膀胱在剖腹产时被割伤。
And she had sepsis.
她患有败血症。
And she was young and had these babies, and then she died.
她很年轻，生了这些孩子，然后她死了。
And the whole family was crushed, Rachel and Peter, too.
整个家庭都崩溃了，雷切尔和彼得也是如此。
Jennifer was 32 years old, and Rachel says that for Peter, this medical error was one searing event in a lifetime of smaller moments that gradually transformed him from someone who had never trusted authority figures in general and didn't go to doctors-- he believed he could take better care of himself with exercise and nutrition than some doctor-- to someone who saw doctors and hospitals as dangerous, and later, as actively seeking to deceive and harm and even kill people for their own gain.
詹妮弗今年 32 岁，雷切尔说，对彼得来说，这次医疗失误是他一生中的一件小事，让他逐渐从一个从不相信权威人物、不去看医生的人——他相信自己可以通过锻炼和营养比某些医生更好地照顾自己——变成了一个认为医生和医院很危险，后来又为了自己的利益而积极欺骗、伤害甚至杀人的人。
The day before he leaves the hospital, Peter texts the cousin-- "The doctor finally came down and asked why I won't take remdesivir.
出院前一天，彼得给表弟发短信说：“医生终于下来问我为什么不服用瑞德西韦。
And he said, you're not vaccinated?
他说，你没打疫苗吗？
And I said, that's correct.
我说，这是正确的。
He said that's the only treatment we have for COVID and that my lungs are going to deteriorate with the oxygen they keep ordering for me if I don't take the remdesivir.
他说这是我们治疗新冠病毒的唯一方法，如果我不服用瑞德西韦，他们不断为我订购的氧气会使我的肺部恶化。
I said I'll think about it.
我说我会考虑一下。
And he said OK and left." Remdesivir might have reduced Peter's need for oxygen.
他说好的然后就离开了。”瑞德西韦可能减少了彼得对氧气的需求。
Concentrated oxygen can harm someone's lungs over time, especially if they've been damaged by, for instance, COVID.
随着时间的推移，浓缩氧气会损害人的肺部，特别是如果肺部受到新冠肺炎等疾病的损害。
The cousin texts back a few minutes later-- "Bull [BLEEP].
几分钟后，表弟回复短信——“公牛[BLEEP]。
That remdesivir is going to deteriorate your organs, especially your kidneys.
瑞德西韦会损害您的器官，尤其是肾脏。
You've been pumping ibuprofen all week.
您整个星期都在注射布洛芬。
He's just trying to scare you so he can get his 20% bonus for using remdesivir.
他只是想吓唬你，这样他就可以获得使用瑞德西韦的 20% 奖金。
That same doctor will tell you the vaccine is good for you, which makes no sense because now that you're confirmed that you have COVID and you're recovering, it seems like you'll have natural immunity for life.
同一个医生会告诉你疫苗对你有好处，这是没有意义的，因为既然你已经确认自己感染了新冠病毒并且正在康复，似乎你将拥有终生的自然免疫力。
You won't need boosters.
你不需要助推器。
Just pray your oxygen level improves so you can get the hell out of there."
只要祈祷你的氧气水平有所改善，这样你就可以离开那里了。”
As Rachel is reading the texts, she keeps glimpsing these moments here and there over the last weeks of Peter's life when Peter acknowledges, this is COVID.
当雷切尔阅读这些文字时，她不断地瞥见彼得生命的最后几周里彼得承认这是新冠病毒的时刻。
But the idea of COVID is like a balloon that can't stay aloft.
但新冠病毒的想法就像一个无法在高空停留的气球。
Peter texts a bit later-- "All I have to do is jog a little.
稍后彼得发短信说——“我所要做的就是慢跑一点。
I'll get my oxygen back up.
我会恢复氧气。
Sitting in a hospital bed isn't doing anything, oxygen-wise." The cousin-- "Do the turmeric and mint leaf lung inhaling exercises at home.
坐在医院的病床上对氧气来说没有任何作用。”表弟--“在家做姜黄和薄荷叶吸肺练习。
Yeah, you're not going to continue to deteriorate.
是的，你不会继续恶化。
He's a fucking liar."
他是个该死的骗子。”
A few minutes later, Rachel texts Peter, and they go back and forth about his oxygen levels and whether he has enough energy to eat and if he has a phone charger.
几分钟后，雷切尔给彼得发短信，他们反复询问他的氧气水平、他是否有足够的能量吃饭以及他是否有手机充电器。
Rachel asks him if he's heard an estimated timeline for them to discharge him.
雷切尔问他是否听说过他们让他出院的预计时间表。
Peter texts, "They made it sound like soon, possibly today or tomorrow." Rachel--
彼得发短信说：“他们听起来好像很快，可能是今天或明天。”雷切尔——
"Holy shit.
“天哪。
OK." Nancy Updike I've talked to Rachel a bunch of times, and from what I've seen, she doesn't like to let untrue things slide.
好的。”南希·厄普代克（Nancy Updike） 我和瑞秋谈过很多次，据我所知，她不喜欢让不真实的事情溜走。
She really doesn't like it.
她真的不喜欢。
But in her texts with Peter, I can see her trying hard to be careful with him, trying to encourage him, support him, tell him what she thinks is important in her big sister way, but not argue with him.
但在她与彼得的短信中，我可以看到她努力小心对待他，试图鼓励他，支持他，以她大姐姐的方式告诉他她认为重要的事情，但不与他争论。
This deliberate withholding of her full forcefulness is part of their relationship.
故意隐瞒她的全部力量是他们关系的一部分。
Rachel feeling protective of Peter is built into her earliest memories.
雷切尔对彼得的保护感已经融入到她最早的记忆中。
He's been physically bigger since he was 15, but she's always been tougher.
从 15 岁起，他的体格就变大了，但她却一直更坚强。
Peter, later that afternoon, texts with the cousin and again brings up the idea that maybe this might be COVID.
那天下午晚些时候，彼得给表弟发短信，再次提出这可能是新冠病毒的想法。
Peter-- "Can you look up safe treatments for COVID?" The cousin writes back-- "Hang in there.
彼得——“你能找到新冠病毒的安全治疗方法吗？”表弟回信说：“坚持住。
I'm checking frantically."
我正在疯狂地检查。”
And then the cousin texts-- "Monoclonal antibodies, convalescent plasma, or ivermectin.
然后表弟发短信——“单克隆抗体、恢复期血浆或伊维菌素。
The first two options are usually only given while in the ER.
前两个选项通常仅在急诊室中提供。
Once you're admitted, the protocol changes to remdesivir.
一旦您入院，治疗方案将更改为瑞德西韦。
They only treat the vaccinated with ivermectin, so that way, when they recover, they can say, see?
他们只治疗接种过伊维菌素的人，这样，当他们康复后，他们就可以说，看到了吗？
The vaccine kept you from dying.
疫苗让你免于死亡。
Motherfuckers."
混蛋们。”
The evidence about ivermectin is now overwhelming.
关于伊维菌素的证据现在是压倒性的。
It's not effective as either protection against COVID or treatment of it.
它对于预防新冠病毒或治疗新冠病毒都无效。
And while we're here, natural immunity for life against COVID is not a thing.
当我们在这里时，对新冠病毒的生命自然免疫力并不存在。
And vaccines don't cause people to shed the virus.
疫苗不会导致人们传播病毒。
But let's talk briefly about remdesivir.
但让我们简单谈谈瑞德西韦。
I spoke with a few doctors who've been treating COVID patients since the beginning in clinics and hospitals.
我采访了几位从一开始就在诊所和医院治疗新冠患者的医生。
They were unanimous.
他们意见一致。
Remdesivir has revealed itself to be not actually a very effective treatment against COVID.
瑞德西韦实际上并不是一种非常有效的治疗新冠病毒的方法。
It isn't harmful in all the ways Peter's cousin kept saying it was.
它并不像彼得的表弟一直说的那样有害。
That was remdesivir's strength.
这就是瑞德西韦的力量。
It was generally safe.
总体来说是安全的。
Studies did confirm its modest usefulness in some patients, but as one doctor put it, "Remdesivir was a tool we used because we had so few tools." Even the drug combo Rachel recommended-- remdesivir plus Olumiant-- one careful study showed patients who got the combo were less likely to die than those who got remdesivir alone, but only about 3% less likely to die.
研究确实证实了它对某些患者的作用不大，但正如一位医生所说，“瑞德西韦是我们使用的一种工具，因为我们的工具太少了。”即使是 Rachel 推荐的药物组合（瑞德西韦加 Olumiant），一项仔细的研究也显示，服用该组合的患者比单独服用瑞德西韦的患者死亡可能性更低，但死亡可能性仅降低了 3% 左右。
For an advanced, severe case of COVID, there is no consistent game changer.
对于新冠肺炎的晚期、严重病例，没有一致的游戏规则改变者。
So the medicine of COVID has been genuinely confusing.
因此，新冠病毒的药物确实令人困惑。
We can't know if Peter would have survived, even if he did stay at the hospital.
即使彼得留在医院，我们也不知道他是否能活下来。
But it was probably his best shot.
但这可能是他最好的一次投篮。
Two doctors I spoke with told me how important it was, in their experience, to just let a patient talk if they were reluctant to get treatment for anything.
与我交谈的两位医生告诉我，根据他们的经验，如果病人不愿意接受任何治疗，让他们说话是多么重要。
Don't try to convince them.
不要试图说服他们。
Just ask them, what has this been like for you?
问问他们，这对你来说是什么样的？
Then listen.
然后听。
But the doctors were also frank about how often with COVID they didn't have time for that conversation, or energy.
但医生们也坦率地表示，患有新冠肺炎后，他们经常没有时间或精力进行谈话。
Before COVID, they'd seen plenty of people who were afraid to be hospitalized, who didn't want specific treatments.
在新冠疫情爆发之前，他们见过很多害怕住院、不想接受特殊治疗的人。
But with COVID, those conversations were different.
但对于新冠病毒，这些对话就不同了。
People weren't just reluctant.
人们不仅仅是不愿意。
Many were hostile.
许多人充满敌意。
Some got aggressive.
有些人变得咄咄逼人。
One doctor said she had the experience over and over of patients she'd known for years seeing her in a mask and instantly distrusting her.
一位医生说，她有过一次又一次的经历，她认识多年的病人看到她戴着口罩，立刻就不信任她了。
The doctors both said that simply asking if a person was vaccinated would often stop the conversation cold.
两位医生都表示，仅仅询问一个人是否接种了疫苗通常会让谈话变得冷淡。
And each person's reasons for not wanting a particular COVID treatment were bespoke-- their own tightly held bundle of beliefs and fears that were extra resistant to change.
每个人不想要特定的新冠治疗的原因都是定制的——他们自己牢牢持有的信念和恐惧，特别难以改变。
A doctor might be able to tease out and address the contents of that bundle fast enough to help the person, or they might not.
医生也许能够足够快地梳理并解决该包裹中的内容以帮助该人，但也可能不会。
Anyway, we know what happened this time.
无论如何，我们知道这次发生了什么。
When Rachel started reading through her brother's texts, she knew he had left the hospital against medical advice.
当雷切尔开始阅读她哥哥的短信时，她知道他已经不顾医疗建议出院了。
She found that out from the coroner, but she didn't know how it happened.
她从验尸官那里得知了这一点，但她不知道这是怎么发生的。
Now she saw.
现在她看到了。
Peter texts his cousin at 3:30 in the morning--
凌晨 3:30 彼得给他的表弟发短信——
"I'm starting to wonder if they're ever going to let me out." And my cousin says, "They have to release you upon request." My brother says, "I so hope that's true." And then my cousin sends him discharge against medical advice screencap from verywellhealth.com that states a discharge against medical advice, usually just called an AMA, requires that you sign a form agreeing that you wish to leave, but that your physician thinks it's a bad clinical choice for you to go.
“我开始怀疑他们是否会让我出去。”我表弟说：“他们必须根据要求释放你。”我哥哥说：“我真希望这是真的。”然后我表弟从verywellhealth.com 向他发送了“不服医疗建议出院”的屏幕截图，其中规定了“不服医疗建议出院”（通常称为 AMA），要求您签署一份表格，同意您希望离开，但您的医生认为您离开是一个糟糕的临床选择。
And he says, "Legally, they can't keep you there.
他说：“从法律上讲，他们不能把你留在那里。
That's considered false imprisonment." And my brother responds half an hour later, "How should I say it?" Quote, "I need to be discharged?" unquote.
这被视为非法监禁。”半小时后我哥哥回复道：“我该怎么说呢？”引用：“我需要出院吗？”取消引用。
And my cousin says, "Are they currently giving you any medications?" My brother-- "Nothing yet today.
我表弟说：“他们目前正在给你服用任何药物吗？”我的兄弟——“今天还没有什么。
Actually, all they ever gave me were steroids and antibiotics." My cousin-- "OK, do you have an IV drip?" Peter-- "No, just had me on oxygen."
事实上，他们给我的只是类固醇和抗生素。”我表弟——“好吧，你有静脉滴注吗？”彼得——“不，只是让我吸氧。”
My cousin-- "Hmm, is your O2 still at about or above 95?" My brother-- "It's off right now.
我表弟——“嗯，你的 O2 还在 95 左右或以上吗？”我的兄弟——“现在已经停止了。
I was around 94.
我当时94岁左右。
All I know is I'm not getting any better in here." So he says to me, thank you for convincing me to be here.
我只知道我在这里并没有好转。”所以他对我说，谢谢你说服我来到这里。
I wasn't going to get any better at home.
我在家也不会好转。
And tells my cousin, I'm not going to get any better.
并告诉我的表弟，我的情况不会好转。
I'm not getting any better in here, in the hospital.
我在医院里的情况并没有好转。
My cousin-- "How does your chest feel?" Peter-- "It feels better than it did when I first came in," which is a sign of the treatment working.
我表弟——“你的胸部感觉怎么样？”彼得——“感觉比我刚进来时好多了”，这是治疗有效的标志。
That last part isn't in the text.
最后一部分不在文本中。
It was Rachel venting her frustration as she was reading through all this again.
当雷切尔再次阅读这一切时，她正在发泄她的沮丧。
She could barely contain her rage.
她几乎无法抑制自己的愤怒。
By the end of this next part, she was sneering.
到下一部分结束时，她已经冷笑了。
My cousin-- "Yeah, and the fact that they gave you antibiotics, that means, again, it was bacterial pneumonia, not viral.
我的表弟——“是的，事实上他们给了你抗生素，这意味着，这又是细菌性肺炎，而不是病毒性肺炎。
And the steroid helps with the inflammation.
类固醇有助于消炎。
That's why the fever went down.
这就是为什么发烧退了。
And your lungs' irritation went down as well.
你肺部的刺激也减少了。
Now it's just a matter of getting over the cough, which is going to linger for a few weeks, but you can probably handle that with a cough syrup because all they ever gave me was antibiotics and a prescription for a strong cough syrup."
现在只需克服咳嗽，咳嗽会持续几周，但你可能可以用止咳糖浆来处理，因为他们给我的只是抗生素和强效止咳糖浆的处方。”
Two minutes after-- "I believe you're out of danger now.
两分钟后——“我相信你现在已经脱离危险了。
Fuck their protocol.
操他们的协议。
It's time to get probiotics back into your body."
是时候让益生菌重新回到你的体内了。”
From the time Peter left the hospital, he lived another two weeks.
彼得出院后，他又活了两周。
All that time, Rachel was in a fog of coming to terms with their father's death.
在那段时间里，雷切尔一直沉浸在父亲去世的迷雾之中。
And she thought her brother was recovering, like most people who get COVID do.
她认为她的兄弟正在康复，就像大多数感染新冠病毒的人一样。
But Peter was texting with their cousin about his blood oxygen level.
但彼得正在和他们的表弟发短信询问他的血氧水平。
A reading between 95 and 100 is considered normal.
读数在 95 到 100 之间被认为是正常的。
But on different days, Peter says he's at 80, 88, 91, 85, 93, 82, 90, fluctuating from OK, but on the low side, to worryingly low.
但彼得说，在不同的日子里，他的得分分别为 80、88、91、85、93、82、90，从“还好”、“偏低”到“低得令人担忧”之间波动。
Rachel had no idea.
雷切尔不知道。
Peter didn't tell her, and she didn't press him.
彼得没有告诉她，她也没有催促他。
A few days before Peter dies, their cousin texts,
彼得去世前几天，他们的表弟发短信说，
"Yo, you good?" My brother doesn't respond.
“哟，你还好吧？”我哥哥没有反应。
23 minutes later-- "Ouch, right in the slice"-- meaning ass crack.
23 分钟后——“哎哟，就在切片中”——意思是屁股裂了。
That's their language for that.
这就是他们的语言。
And he sends yet another TikTok link.
他还发送了另一个 TikTok 链接。
Peter's response 10 minutes later is garbled.
十分钟后彼得的回复是乱码。
He's describing his own actions, but it comes out sounding more like a transcript of leery half thoughts.
他正在描述自己的行为，但听起来更像是半疑半疑的记录。
"Try to make things easier.
“尝试让事情变得更容易。
Let's not go back and forth for anything.
我们不要为了任何事情来回奔波。
Go straight to the kitchen.
直接去厨房。
Stay in that chair.
留在那张椅子上。
Keep thinking of what you need.
继续思考你需要什么。
That way, while you're doing all this, she might get fully winded.
这样，当你做这一切的时候，她可能会气喘吁吁。
Major, most important thing of all is that the chair in the kitchen is a roller chair."
最重要的是，厨房里的椅子是一把滚轮椅。”
The roller chair is an office chair Peter is using to get around.
滚轮椅是彼得用来四处走动的办公椅。
In a few days, Rachel is going to find that chair in the kitchen, soaked with urine.
几天后，雷切尔将会发现厨房里的那把椅子被尿液浸湿了。
One last thing Rachael sees in Peter's texts is that she wasn't the only person trying to get him to seek medical help.
瑞秋在彼得的短信中看到的最后一件事是，她并不是唯一一个试图让他寻求医疗帮助的人。
One family friend was texting information just about every day about clinics he could go to, a nurse who would talk to him.
一位家庭朋友几乎每天都会发短信介绍他可以去的诊所，一位护士会与他交谈。
We also don't know what the cousin was saying to Peter in phone calls with him.
我们也不知道表弟在与彼得通电话时对他说了什么。
And he did tell Peter in one text, after Peter told him his blood oxygen reading was 80, that Peter needed to go back to the hospital.
在彼得告诉他他的血氧读数为 80 后，他确实在一条短信中告诉彼得，彼得需要回到医院。
Then Peter texted that it went back up to 88, which is still too low and should have sent him to the emergency room, but the moment passed.
然后彼得发短信说，温度又回到了 88，这个数字仍然太低，应该把他送到急诊室，但那一刻过去了。
Peter's neighbor was checking in and leaving food on the porch for him.
彼得的邻居正在办理入住手续，并在门廊上为他留了食物。
Four days before he died, Peter texts the neighbor, "I was so exhausted looking at all that food." The neighbor writes back, "Dude, you should go to the hospital.
在他去世前四天，彼得给邻居发短信说：“看着那么多食物，我累坏了。”邻居回信说：“伙计，你应该去医院。
Call an ambulance." Peter-- "Oh, [BLEEP] that."
叫救护车。”彼得——“哦，[哔]那个。”
Peter's last text to his cousin is a sad emoji about the death of the actor William Lucking, who starred in "Sons of Anarchy." The next day, the cousin texted, "How are you doing, Peter?" and got no reply.
彼得给他表弟的最后一条短信是一个悲伤的表情符号，内容是关于《无政府之子》主演的演员威廉·拉金的去世。第二天，表弟发短信说：“彼得，你好吗？”并没有得到回复。
The day after that, he wrote, "Yo, Jax, please answer me, man."
第二天，他写道：“哟，贾克斯，请回答我，伙计。”
Rachel told me once about her brother and father and COVID, that it was like they fell overboard during the pandemic and swam straight to the bottom, thinking it was the surface.
雷切尔曾向我讲述过她的兄弟、父亲和新冠病毒，他们就像在大流行期间掉进了水里，然后直接游到了底部，以为只是表面。
When she finished reading the texts, she read them again.
当她读完这些文字后，她又读了一遍。
Her brain kept combing through them for weeks.
她的大脑连续几周不断地梳理它们。
She couldn't settle on any thought or any feeling.
她无法确定任何想法或任何感觉。
I would go from not being able to speak or to crying or to making fun of my brother.
我会从无法说话、哭泣或取笑我的兄弟。
There's the survival mode person who just wants to clown you, like the deep depths of my hoodness.
有一个生存模式的人只想愚弄你，就像我的内心深处一样。
Where I'm from, that particular street I came up on, we would clown you for how you died because you're a fucking clown.
在我来自的地方，在我来到的那条街上，我们会因为你的死因而嘲笑你，因为你就是个该死的小丑。
Like, you played yourself, homie.
就像，你扮演了自己，伙计。
You know?
你知道？
And I would kill some innocent strangers to bring them back, you know?
我会杀死一些无辜的陌生人来把他们带回来，你知道吗？
Or would I?
或者我会吗？
I don't know.
我不知道。
It's just one of those things where you just haggle.
这只是你讨价还价的事情之一。
Thinking who you would trade out on the street to get one more shot.
想想你会在街上交换谁来获得更多机会。
And I'm like, you shot your fucking shot, dude.
我就想，你他妈的开枪了，伙计。
Rachel is a poet.
雷切尔是一位诗人。
That doesn't really cover it, though.
但这并没有真正涵盖它。
Rachel is a tractor beam.
雷切尔是牵引梁。
I can easily see how a person could hear her read her poetry at some event and then marry her four months later, which happened.
我很容易理解一个人如何在某个活动中听到她读她的诗，然后四个月后嫁给她，这件事发生了。
I can understand a person wanting to tattoo her words on their arm, which also happened.
我可以理解有人想把她的话纹在手臂上，这也发生了。
A lot of Rachel's writing is about her childhood family-- her, her father, her brother.
雷切尔的很多作品都是关于她童年的家庭——她、她的父亲、她的兄弟。
The first poem in her first book is titled, epically, "I forget who I said it to, but I remember how afterwards they looked at me as though I had driven a steak knife through their mother's hand." The poem itself goes, "I love my brother.
她的第一本书中的第一首诗的标题是史诗般的，“我忘记了我对谁说的，但我记得事后他们看着我的样子，就好像我用牛排刀刺穿了他们母亲的手一样。”这首诗写道：“我爱我的兄弟。
He had the exact same childhood as I did, but he doesn't get credit for it.
他的童年和我一模一样，但他并没有因此而获得荣誉。
He isn't the writer.
他不是作家。
I'm the star of the violence.
我是暴力之星。
I expose.
我揭露。
My Peter, when he marries, I will be so sad.
我的彼得，当他结婚时，我会很难过。
No girl in the world deserves him but me."
世界上没有哪个女孩值得他，除了我。”
I see that poem, which I love, as a little box Rachel is daring her readers to open.
我把我喜欢的那首诗看作是雷切尔鼓励她的读者打开的一个小盒子。
Rachel's always seen her place in the world, in part, in relation to Peter, her younger and only brother-- her responsibility still, somehow.
雷切尔总是看到她在世界上的地位，部分是与她唯一的弟弟彼得的关系有关——不知何故，她仍然有责任。
She hadn't lived near Peter in almost 20 years, but far away is still somewhere.
她已经快二十年没有住在彼得附近了，但距离仍然很远。
It's nothing like gone.
没什么像消失了一样。
What do you do when you've lost something important?
当你失去了重要的东西时你会怎么做？
You retrace your steps.
你回溯你的脚步。
Rachel remembers where she and Peter started, and now she knows where he ended.
雷切尔记得她和彼得从哪里开始，现在她知道他在哪里结束。
And she's going back over what happened in between, the things she saw because she was there and the things she's finding out happened later, out of her sight.
她正在回顾这期间发生的事情，因为她在那里而看到的事情，以及她发现的事情是后来发生的，在她的视线之外。
What did happen in between?
其间发生了什么？
What life did COVID land in?
新冠病毒降临到了怎样的生活？
That's next time in Part Two of We Were Three.
这是《我们三人组》第二部分的下一次。
Nancy Updike.
南希·厄普代克。
I'll just say, Episode Two, things get so complicated-- their relationship, the three of them.
我只想说，第二集，事情变得如此复杂——他们的关系，他们三个人。
You can hear that right now, or I guess, after you finish listening to our show.
你现在就可以听到，或者我想，在你听完我们的节目之后。
You can get that wherever you get your podcasts.
无论您在哪里获取播客，都可以获取该内容。
It comes from Serial Productions and The New York Times.
它来自 Serial Productions 和《纽约时报》。
Nancy's co-producer for the show is Jenelle Pifer.
南希的节目联合制片人是珍妮尔·皮弗。
Her editor is Julie Snyder.
她的编辑是朱莉·斯奈德。
Again, the name of the show, We Were Three.
再次，节目的名称，我们三个。
[MUSIC - "SWEET OLD WORLD" BY LUCINDA WILLIAMS]
[音乐 - 露辛达·威廉姆斯的《甜蜜的旧世界》]
Coming up, family history that a family really doesn't want to talk about that much.
接下来，一个家庭真的不想谈论太多的家族史。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life, I'm Ira Glass.
这就是美国生活，我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's program, Family Dig, stories of people who take it on themselves to figure out the truth of what exactly went down in their own family, even if it was kind of ugly.
今天的节目《家庭挖掘》讲述了人们自己去弄清楚自己家庭中到底发生了什么的真相，即使这有点丑陋。
We've arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。
Act Two, "The Great Lie-Gration." So now we turn to somebody in this act who tries to excavate his family's past with very few clues to go on.
第二幕，“伟大的谎言”。所以现在我们求助于这个行为中的一个人，他试图挖掘他家族的过去，但几乎没有任何线索可以继续。
A few random things about this guy before we get started.
在我们开始之前，先简单介绍一下这个人的一些随机情况。
First, he is a professional skateboarder, but not into being interviewed or speaking in public.
首先，他是一名职业滑板运动员，但不喜欢接受采访或公开演讲。
In fact, at the beginning of his interview for our show, which was about something so personal and hard for him to talk about, he asked if it would be OK if he could close his eyes sometimes so that he could focus.
事实上，在我们节目的采访开始时，采访的内容对他来说是非常私人且难以谈论的事情，他问是否可以有时闭上眼睛以便集中注意力。
And then he kept his eyes closed for the entire conversation.
然后他在整个谈话过程中一直闭着眼睛。
Reporter Gabrielle Emanuel talked to him.
记者加布里埃尔·伊曼纽尔采访了他。
Jahmal Williams didn't know much of his family history growing up.
贾马尔·威廉姆斯 (Jahmal Williams) 对自己的家族成长史知之甚少。
He knew his grandmother had come from Arkansas, settled in Boston.
他知道他的祖母来自阿肯色州，定居在波士顿。
That was about it.
就是这样。
They were always kind of vague about the past.
他们对过去总是有点模糊。
But there was one fragment that stuck in his head.
但有一个碎片卡在了他的脑海里。
I grew up watching PBS.
我是看着 PBS 长大的。
And I remember from time to time, they would have specials on about the Civil Rights movement.
我记得有时他们会播放有关民权运动的特别节目。
And my mom and I would sit down and watch it together.
我和妈妈会坐下来一起观看。
And I remember one time, they were talking about the Freedom Riders.
我记得有一次，他们正在谈论自由乘车者。
And my mother told me that we were a part of that.
我母亲告诉我，我们也是其中的一部分。
The Freedom Riders-- activists who boarded Greyhound buses and rode them all over the South in 1961, Black and white people sitting defiantly side by side to challenge segregation.
自由乘车者——1961 年登上灰狗巴士并乘坐它们走遍南方的活动家，黑人和白人并排坐着，挑衅性地挑战种族隔离。
And looking at the footage of people being yelled at and people protesting and the water hoses, I was kind of like, wait, wait, wait a second.
看着人们被大喊大叫、抗议的镜头和水管，我有点想，等等，等等，等一下。
What do you mean?
你是什么意思？
And she was like, we played a part in the Freedom Rides.
她说，我们在自由乘车运动中发挥了作用。
I was just like, whoa, what happened, you know?
我当时就想，哇，发生了什么事，你知道吗？
And I had never known anyone in my family to verbally or physically be full-on activist, so that threw me off guard.
我从来不知道家里有谁在口头上或身体上是十足的积极分子，所以这让我措手不及。
But it was never talked about too much.
但它从来没有被谈论太多。
Which Jahmal says was typical for his family.
贾马尔说这对他的家人来说是典型的情况。
They don't like to talk about the past, even basic things.
他们不喜欢谈论过去，甚至是基本的事情。
Like, he always wondered how his family ended up where they did, a neighborhood he sometimes hated.
就像，他总是想知道他的家人是如何最终来到他们现在所在的地方的，这是一个他有时讨厌的社区。
To Jahmal, it was just blank.
对于贾马尔来说，它只是一片空白。
Then his grandmother died, and he learned more.
后来他的祖母去世了，他学到了更多。
She was the matriarch of the family, super beloved.
她是这个家族的女族长，非常受人爱戴。
The funeral was held at a big church in Boston.
葬礼在波士顿的一座大教堂举行。
And so my Aunt Satori was speaking about my grandmother.
所以我的阿姨 Satori 正在谈论我的祖母。
And she was saying my grandmother was a Freedom Rider, and she played a part in history, fighting for the rights of Black Americans.
她说我的祖母是一名自由骑士，她在历史上发挥了作用，为美国黑人的权利而战。
Oh, she was so proud.
哦，她真是太骄傲了。
As she talked, she held up a Xerox copy of an old photo of Jahmal's grandmother.
她一边说话，一边举起复印了一张贾马尔祖母的旧照片。
Jahmal had never seen the picture before.
贾马尔以前从未见过这张照片。
It looked like it was taken at a bus station.
看起来像是在公交车站拍的。
His grandmother's wearing a black dress, white feathery hat, triple string of pearls.
他的祖母穿着黑色连衣裙，戴着白色羽毛帽子，戴着三串珍珠。
It's just her and seven of her kids gathered around her.
只有她和她的七个孩子聚集在她周围。
Jahmal brought that Xerox photo home.
贾马尔把那张施乐照片带回家。
It seemed like it might have been clipped from a newspaper.
看起来像是从报纸上剪下来的。
So he pulled up his laptop and started googling her-- Lela Mae Williams.
于是他拿出笔记本电脑，开始在谷歌上搜索她——莱拉·梅·威廉姆斯。
I looked and I was surprised to find the photograph online.
我看了看，很惊讶地在网上找到了这张照片。
And I was like, wow, look at this.
我当时想，哇，看看这个。
Here she is.
她在这里。
Here's my uncle, and here's my aunts.
这是我的叔叔，这是我的阿姨。
And just looking at the photo, the photo's amazing.
光看照片，照片就太棒了。
And I was like, wow, look at that.
我当时想，哇，看看那个。
And it said, Reverse Freedom Rides.
它说，反向自由乘车。
And I said, wait a second.
我说，等一下。
This is not the Freedom Rides.
这不是自由乘车。
This is something else.
这是另一回事。
The Reverse Freedom Rides were a wild chapter in history that had been forgotten.
反向自由乘车是历史上被遗忘的疯狂篇章。
I got fascinated and started researching it a couple of years back.
我很着迷，并在几年前开始研究它。
The Reverse Freedom Rides happened in 1962.
反向自由乘车运动发生于 1962 年。
They were a retaliation against the Freedom Rides by white segregationists in the South.
这是对南方白人种族隔离主义者自由乘车运动的报复。
They used the same weapon as the Civil Rights activists, the Greyhound bus, but they used it to send Black people North.
他们使用与民权活动人士相同的武器——灰狗巴士，但他们用它来将黑人送往北方。
It's kind of like what's happening now with Republican governors loading migrants onto buses and planes and sending them to Democratic states.
这有点像现在发生的事情，共和党州长将移民装上公共汽车和飞机，然后将他们送往民主党各州。
I thought, it's just like the Reverse Freedom Rides all over again.
我想，这就像反向自由乘车的重演一样。
Some are actually being put up in barracks on the same military base.
有些人实际上被安置在同一军事基地的军营里。
The goal today is basically the same as it was then-- to stick it to Northerners and make a political point.
今天的目标与当时基本相同——坚持北方人的观点并提出政治观点。
Here's one of the segregationists back then, Amis Guthridge.
这是当时的种族隔离主义者之一，艾米斯·古斯里奇。
He was a lawyer from Arkansas who helped come up with the plan.
他是一位来自阿肯色州的律师，帮助制定了这个计划。
We're going to find out if people like Mr. Ted Kennedy really do have an interest in the Negro people, really do have a love for the Negro, and a desire to help him.
我们将查明像特德·肯尼迪先生这样的人是否真的对黑人感兴趣，是否真的热爱黑人，并渴望帮助他们。
Tell those politicians we are through with this foolishness about civil rights.
告诉那些政客，我们已经摆脱了这种关于民权的愚蠢行为了。
And if it takes two weeks, two months, two years, five or 10 years, we will continue it until the white people up there--
如果需要两周、两个月、两年、五年或十年，我们将继续下去，直到那里的白人——
These segregationists lured people onto the buses with big promises of housing and jobs, said everything would be provided for if they went, and that President Kennedy himself would welcome them up North.
这些种族隔离主义者用住房和工作的巨大承诺来引诱人们上公共汽车，并表示如果他们去的话一切都会提供，肯尼迪总统本人也会欢迎他们北上。
They targeted people who might be seen as a burden-- poor families, people just released from prison, single moms with lots of kids, like Jahmal's grandmother.
他们的目标是那些可能被视为负担的人——贫困家庭、刚从监狱释放的人、有很多孩子的单亲妈妈，比如贾马尔的祖母。
She was raising 11 kids in Arkansas.
她在阿肯色州抚养 11 个孩子。
So they did get on a bus, but it wasn't the Freedom Rides.
所以他们确实上了公共汽车，但这不是自由乘车活动。
Like, these are two different events.
就像，这是两个不同的事件。
And I think I spoke to my mom about it, and she didn't know what it was about.
我想我和我妈妈谈过这件事，但她不知道那是什么。
She was like, no, we were Freedom Riders.
她说，不，我们是自由骑士。
And I was like, no, this says the Reverse Freedom Rides.
我当时想，不，这是反向自由乘车。
And she-- I don't know anything about the Reverse Freedom Rides.
而她——我对反向自由乘车一无所知。
Most people don't.
大多数人都没有。
I found out more from archives and old TV footage.
我从档案和旧电视片段中找到了更多信息。
There were stories about Jahmal's grandmother in there.
那里有关于贾马尔祖母的故事。
And from what we can tell, here's what happened.
据我们所知，这就是发生的事情。
Guthridge, the segregationist, personally picked up the Williams family in his station wagon.
种族隔离主义者古思里奇亲自用旅行车接威廉姆斯一家。
He drove them from their farm to the bus terminal in Little Rock a couple of hours away.
他开车送他们从农场到几个小时外的小石城巴士总站。
He got them ice cream and root beer.
他给他们买了冰淇淋和根汁汽水。
There was a quick press conference, and then they all got on the bus-- hardly any luggage because they'd been told everything would be provided up North.
举行了一场简短的新闻发布会，然后他们都上了车——几乎没有带任何行李，因为他们被告知所有东西都会在北方提供。
There's actually footage of the moment they got on the bus.
实际上有他们上公共汽车那一刻的录像。
There's no sound, so I'll describe it for you.
没有声音，所以我给你描述一下。
The kids have big smiles.
孩子们笑容灿烂。
They look excited to be filmed.
他们看起来很高兴被拍摄。
They're chewing gum, waving out the window.
他们嚼着口香糖，向窗外挥手。
As she boards, Lela Mae looks back over her shoulder.
登机时，莱拉·梅回头看了一眼。
She looks beautiful, elegant in a strappy sequined dress and bright white cap.
她穿着亮片系带连衣裙，戴着明亮的白色帽子，看起来美丽、优雅。
The video is just 29 seconds long, but Lela Mae looks ready.
视频只有 29 秒长，但 Lela Mae 看起来已经准备好了。
After about three days on the bus, Lela Mae asked the bus driver to pull over.
在公交车上大约三天后，莱拉·梅 (Lela Mae) 让公交车司机靠边停车。
She wanted to change into her best clothes because she was about to meet President Kennedy.
她想换上自己最好的衣服，因为她即将见到肯尼迪总统。
That's when she put on those pearls that Jahmal saw on the photo.
就在那时，她戴上了贾马尔在照片上看到的那些珍珠。
But when she was dropped off near the Kennedy compound in Hyannis, Massachusetts, Kennedy wasn't there.
但当她在马萨诸塞州海恩尼斯的肯尼迪住所附近下车时，肯尼迪并不在那里。
Neither were the jobs or the housing.
工作和住房都没有。
It had all been lies.
这一切都是谎言。
What was there were some members of the NAACP, some people from a church group, and photographers with their flashes going off.
那里有一些全国有色人种协进会的成员，一些来自教会团体的人，还有开着闪光灯的摄影师。
So, tell me, what was going through your head as you started finding this all out?
那么，告诉我，当你开始发现这一切时，你脑子里在想什么？
I mean, in a way, I was not necessarily hurt by it, but I guess somewhat embarrassed that there was this trickery done, and my family was taken advantage of.
我的意思是，在某种程度上，我不一定会受到伤害，但我想我有点尴尬，因为有这种诡计，而且我的家人被利用了。
Because I felt like they were being used, especially the way my mother spoke about it and the way my aunt-- they were proud of being Freedom Riders.
因为我觉得他们被利用了，尤其是我母亲谈论这件事的方式和我阿姨的方式——他们为自己是自由骑士而感到自豪。
And I was like, no. Grandma was actually used as a pawn.
我当时想，不。奶奶居然被当成了棋子。
She was taken advantage of and used as a political pawn.
她被利用并被用作政治棋子。
But it did answer a question he'd always had.
但这确实回答了他一直以来的一个问题。
I always wondered, how did we wind up in the projects?
我总是想知道，我们是如何完成这些项目的？
Like, where did we come from, you know?
就像，我们从哪里来，你知道吗？
Jahmal grew up in a big public housing development in Boston.
贾马尔在波士顿的一个大型公共住房开发区长大。
His entire family lived there.
他的全家都住在那里。
And now he knew why.
现在他知道为什么了。
His family was dumped up North far from everyone they knew.
他的家人被抛弃到北方，远离他们认识的所有人。
No jobs and had to figure things out.
没有工作，必须解决问题。
Jahmal's eyes were still closed at this point in the interview.
采访中贾马尔此时仍闭着眼睛。
I didn't like the life we were living.
我不喜欢我们现在的生活。
I didn't like the neighborhood I lived in.
我不喜欢我住的社区。
I didn't like the jobs my mother had to do.
我不喜欢母亲必须做的工作。
So there was a lot of, why are things the way they are?
所以有很多，为什么事情是这样的？
Nobody knows why his grandmother ended up on that bus, whether she was forced or tricked or chose it, thinking a move North would be best.
没有人知道他的祖母为什么最终上了那辆公共汽车，无论她是被迫的还是被欺骗的，还是选择了，认为搬到北方是最好的。
It's been years since Jahmal first learned about the Reverse Freedom Rides.
贾马尔第一次了解反向自由乘车已经很多年了。
He told me he sees it differently now.
他告诉我他现在的看法不同了。
His grandmother had a one-way ticket and no resources and somehow made it work.
他的祖母有一张单程票，没有任何资源，但不知何故才得以实现。
He's proud of that.
他为此感到自豪。
My grandmother was just trying to make a better way for our family.
我的祖母只是想为我们的家庭创造更好的生活。
And that's all she's ever done.
这就是她所做的一切。
And that's all my mother's ever done, so who wouldn't think that, wow, this is our way out of Jim Crow South, you know?
这就是我母亲所做的一切，所以谁不会想到，哇，这是我们摆脱种族隔离南方的出路，你知道吗？
So I don't know how they were able to judge, are these guys up to no good?
所以我不知道他们是如何判断的，这些人是不是图谋不轨？
I don't know how anyone at the time would have dealt with that.
我不知道当时的人会如何处理这个问题。
Like other things from their past, Jahmal's family doesn't talk much about this history.
就像他们过去的其他事情一样，贾马尔的家人很少谈论这段历史。
Sometimes, when things are traumatic, you make the choice not to go there.
有时，当事情令人痛苦时，你会选择不去那里。
It's just not helpful.
这只是没有帮助。
And sometimes, it's not even a choice.
有时，这甚至不是一个选择。
Jahmal's brought up the Reverse Freedom Rides a couple of times with his mom.
贾马尔曾多次与他的妈妈提起过“反向自由乘车”。
I knew she didn't want to talk about it.
我知道她不想谈论这件事。
She may even have difficulty understanding it now, even still, just because of the emotional experience.
仅仅因为情感经历，她现在甚至可能很难理解它。
If it got too dark, she wouldn't go there.
如果天太黑，她就不会去那里。
But she would talk about some of the fond memories about growing up in the South.
但她会谈论一些在南方长大的美好回忆。
But some stuff, she wouldn't go there.
但有些事，她不会去那里。
That's just how she was.
她就是这样。
And she didn't want to talk about this because I don't think it was a pleasant experience for her.
她不想谈论这件事，因为我认为这对她来说不是一次愉快的经历。
I've known his mom, Betty, for a few years.
我认识他的妈妈贝蒂已有几年了。
She was a teenager when she took the bus North.
当她乘公共汽车北上时，她才十几岁。
She wants to talk about it.
她想谈谈这件事。
She's really trying.
她真的很努力。
But it's not that simple.
但事情没那么简单。
I guess when you get to be an adult, you just kind of block out things or things you just don't want to remember.
我想当你成为一个成年人时，你就会屏蔽掉一些事情或者你不想记住的事情。
I don't know what it is, but I don't remember a lot about the bus.
我不知道那是什么，但我不记得很多关于公共汽车的事。
I don't even remember none of that stuff.
我什至不记得那些东西了。
I don't remember.
我不记得了。
Sometimes, the past is something only the next generation can really look at.
有时候，过去的事情只有下一代才能真正看到。
A while back, Jahmal was at home, sketching on a canvas-- he's also an artist-- thinking about the Reverse Freedom Rides, his grandmother, and his mom.
不久前，贾马尔在家中在画布上画画——他也是一名艺术家——思考着反向自由乘车运动、他的祖母和母亲。
And then his son, who was 10, walked in and noticed Jahmal was crying.
然后他 10 岁的儿子走进来，发现贾马尔在哭。
Jahmal let him know it was OK.
贾马尔让他知道没问题。
These were good tears.
这些都是美好的眼泪。
He says one day, when he's older, he'll tell them about it.
他说有一天，当他长大后，他会告诉他们这件事。
They weren't activists on buses headed South.
他们并不是南下巴士上的活动分子。
They were survivors on buses headed North.
他们是北上巴士上的幸存者。
Gabrielle Emanuel, she's a reporter at WBUR in Boston.
Gabrielle Emanuel，波士顿 WBUR 的记者。
On our website this week, we have the news footage that she mentions in her story of Lela Mae Williams and her kids getting on that bus back in the 1960s in Arkansas.
本周，我们的网站上有她在关于莱拉·梅·威廉姆斯 (Lela Mae Williams) 和她的孩子们在 20 世纪 60 年代阿肯色州登上公交车的故事中提到的新闻片段。
Plus, we have links to other stories that Gabrielle has done about the Reverse Freedom Rides, where she goes into more depth about this history and the Williams family.
另外，我们还提供了加布里埃尔关于反向自由乘车的其他故事的链接，她在其中更深入地了解了这段历史和威廉姆斯家族。
This story was produced by Lilly Sullivan.
这个故事由莉莉·沙利文制作。
Credits Ira Glass Well, our program was produced today by Miki Meek.
图片来源：Ira Glass 嗯，我们今天的节目是由 Miki Meek 制作的。
The people who put together today's show include Elna Baker, Zoe Chace, Sean Cole, Michael Comite, who's also the music supervisor for We Were Three, Aviva DeKornfeld, Valerie Kipnis, Stowe Nelson, Katherine Rae Mondo, Charlotte Sleeper, Frances Swanson, Christopher Swetala, Matt Tierney, and Julie Whitaker.
今天的演出包括 Elna Baker、Zoe Chace、Sean Cole、Michael Comite（同时也是 We Were Three 的音乐总监）、Aviva DeKornfeld、Valerie Kipnis、Stowe Nelson、Katherine Rae Mondo、Charlotte Sleeper、Frances Swanson、Christopher Swetala、Matt Tierney 和 Julie Whitaker。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Our senior editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的高级编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
Special thanks today to Anthony Almojera, Rana Awdish, Taison Bell, Trevor Bedford, Rachel Bender Ignacio, Jeremy Faust, Kristen Panthagani, Jason Salemi, Mark Shapiro, Ernie Dumas, Mary-Beth Brague, Gene Guill, Kristen Harper, and Clive Webb.
今天特别感谢 Anthony Almojera、Rana Awdish、Taison Bell、Trevor Bedford、Rachel Bender Ignacio、Jeremy Faust、Kristen Panthagani、Jason Salemi、Mark Shapiro、Ernie Dumas、Mary-Beth Brague、Gene Guill、Kristen Harper 和 Clive Webb。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org, where you can stream our archive of over 750 episodes for absolutely free.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中完全免费地观看我们的 750 多集档案。
Also, there's videos.
另外，还有视频。
There's a list of favorite shows to try out, tons of other stuff.
有一系列可供尝试的最喜欢的节目以及大量其他内容。
Again, thisamericanlife.org.
再说一次，thisamericanlife.org。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
He explains why he never loads anything into the dishwasher this way.
他解释了为什么他从不以这种方式将任何东西放入洗碗机。
I don't really know how to operate it, I'll be honest.
老实说，我真的不知道如何操作。
I'm not interested in it.
我对此不感兴趣。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。