779: Ends of the Earth - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #779 | September 22, 2023 779: Ends of the Earth Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 779 集 | 2023 年 9 月 22 日 779：天涯海角 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass Hi, everybody.
序言：序言 Ira Glass 大家好。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
So one of our producers read this book a few months ago, and she was like, this story is really unusual.
所以我们的一位制片人几个月前读了这本书，她说，这个故事真的很不寻常。
And, also, it happened to be written in a way that is perfect for radio.
而且，它的编写方式恰好非常适合广播。
Could we maybe just condense it down and run it on the show?
我们能否将其浓缩并在节目中运行？
And so a few of us read the book, including me.
我们中的一些人读了这本书，包括我。
And we agreed.
我们同意了。
This is a story you really don't hear.
这是一个你根本听不到的故事。
Basically, the story-- there's this couple.
基本上，这个故事是有这对夫妇。
He gets Alzheimer's.
他得了阿尔茨海默氏症。
And, of course, so many of us know people with Alzheimer's.
当然，我们很多人都认识患有阿尔茨海默氏症的人。
I feel like it's like watching somebody who you love-- I don't know-- just drift slowly off into space.
我觉得这就像看着你爱的人——我不知道——慢慢地飘入太空。
The things that make them them get taken away, one after another.
那些使他们成为他们的东西被一个又一个地夺走。
And in this couple, the man, while he still had his wits about him, wanted some kind of assisted suicide before it got too late.
在这对夫妇中，尽管男子仍然保持理智，但他希望在为时已晚之前寻求某种协助自杀。
And so his wife looks around and finds this place in Switzerland to go to.
于是他的妻子环顾四周，找到了瑞士的这个地方。
And what makes the book so special is that just-- I don't know-- the dailyness and realness of the way that his wife tells what that was like to go through.
这本书如此特别的原因在于——我不知道——他妻子讲述那段经历的日常性和真实性。
And they're this interesting couple that you get to know.
他们是你所认识的这对有趣的夫妇。
Very specific people going through this thing that-- honestly, for everybody I have known with dementia or Alzheimer's, I have never met anybody who made this particular choice.
经历这件事的非常具体的人——老实说，对于我所认识的患有痴呆症或阿尔茨海默氏症的每个人来说，我从未见过任何人做出过这种特殊的选择。
And you get to hear how that plays out.
你会听到结果如何。
And it's very life-sized.
而且它的尺寸非常真人大小。
You see this couple after they realize he has Alzheimer's.
你会看到这对夫妇在意识到他患有阿尔茨海默氏症后。
But, also, you see them before, when he's just kind of acting oddly, and it's a little annoying, but she doesn't know why just yet.
但是，你以前也见过他们，当时他的行为有点奇怪，有点烦人，但她还不知道为什么。
And so what we're going to do today in the first part of today's show is that story.
所以我们今天节目的第一部分要做的就是这个故事。
And then after the break, it gets lighter.
休息之后，天气变得更轻松。
We have another wife and mother.
我们还有另一个妻子和母亲。
This one, a professional comedian trying to do the best for her family.
这是一位职业喜剧演员，试图为她的家庭做到最好。
From WBEZ Chicago, I'm Ira Glass.
我是来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的 Ira Glass。
And let's just get to it.
让我们开始吧。
So you may know this book that we're excerpting.
所以你可能知道我们摘录的这本书。
It got some attention.
它引起了一些关注。
It's by Amy Bloom, who has written novels and short stories over the years.
这是艾米·布鲁姆（Amy Bloom）的作品，她多年来一直在写长篇小说和短篇小说。
So this story is true.
所以这个故事是真的。
And it's her own story.
这是她自己的故事。
It's called In Love-- the book.
这本书的名字叫《恋爱》。
And-- I don't know-- just to say this before we start-- this story is about somebody who's making the very difficult decision to end their life because of a progressive terminal disease which, of course, is very different from somebody thinking about suicide as part of a mental health crisis.
而且——我不知道——在我们开始之前先说一下——这个故事是关于一个人因为患有进行性绝症而做出了结束生命的非常艰难的决定，当然，这与那些认为自杀是心理健康危机的一部分的人有很大不同。
But if you are having thoughts of suicide, take all that into account before listening any further.
但如果您有自杀的念头，请在继续聆听之前考虑所有这些。
OK.
好的。
We are at Act One, Exit Strategy.
我们现在处于第一幕，退出策略。
Here's Amy Bloom.
请听艾米·布鲁姆的报道。
Sunday, January 26, 2020, JFK International Airport.
2020 年 1 月 26 日星期日，肯尼迪国际机场。
This trip to Zurich is a new, not quite normal version of something Brian and I love-- traveling.
这次苏黎世之旅是布莱恩和我喜欢的旅行的一个新的、不太正常的版本。
As we usually do, we take a car service to the airport so we can be fancy and also avoid the park-and-schlep.
像往常一样，我们乘坐汽车前往机场，这样我们既可以享受舒适的生活，又可以避免停车和拖车。
And even before Brian had Alzheimer's, our combined lack of direction adds 20 minutes to all transportation transitions.
甚至在布莱恩患上阿尔茨海默氏症之前，由于我们缺乏方向感，所有交通换乘时间都增加了 20 分钟。
We have a restaurant meal before our 6:00 PM departure.
我们在下午 6:00 出发前在餐厅用餐。
I buy a stick of lipstick and a small tube of hand cream.
我买了一支口红和一小管护手霜。
Brian buys some candy.
布莱恩买了一些糖果。
We share gum.
我们共享口香糖。
We share a bottle of water.
我们共用一瓶水。
We are smiling from the moment we board.
从登机的那一刻起，我们就微笑着。
As soon as we get our beverages-- in glasses-- we toast my sister and brother-in-law who are paying for our business class trip to Zurich.
我们一拿到玻璃杯里的饮料，就向我的姐姐和姐夫敬酒，他们为我们的苏黎世商务舱旅行付费。
Dignitas's office is in Zurich, and that's where we're headed.
Dignitas 的办公室位于苏黎世，那也是我们要去的地方。
Dignitas is a Swiss non-profit organization offering accompanied suicide.
Dignitas 是一家瑞士非营利组织，提供陪伴自杀服务。
And it is one of the very few places in the world to go for painless, peaceful, and legal suicide.
它是世界上极少数可以进行无痛、和平、合法自杀的地方之一。
In our Swissair pods, Brian and I toast each other.
在我们的瑞航吊舱里，布莱恩和我互相敬酒。
And we say, "Here's to you," a little hesitantly, instead of what we usually say, Cent'anni-- "May we have 100 years," a very Italian toast.
我们有点犹豫地说，“谨此致你”，而不是我们通常说的“Cent'anni”——“愿我们有 100 年”，这是一种非常意大利式的祝酒词。
There is no cent'anni for us.
我们没有cent'anni。
We won't make it to our 13th wedding anniversary.
我们可能活不到结婚 13 周年纪念日了。
I've insisted that we don't bring proper suitcases because I will not lug home a large suitcase full of clothes he will never wear and medicines he will never take.
我坚持不带合适的手提箱，因为我不会拖着一个大手提箱回家，里面装满了他永远不会穿的衣服和他永远不会服用的药物。
I won't dump his clothes at the Swiss version of Goodwill and leave his meds for the cleaning staff.
我不会把他的衣服扔到瑞士版的善意医院，也不会把他的药物留给清洁人员。
Basically, I just won't deal with it-- with after.
基本上，我不会处理它——之后处理。
After Brian has died, and I have to leave him, my goal is to get myself on a plane with my friend who has offered to accompany me home.
布莱恩去世后，我不得不离开他，我的目标是和愿意陪我回家的朋友一起登上飞机。
Then my daughter, Sarah, will meet me at the airport.
然后我的女儿莎拉将在机场接我。
And Sarah and I will be met by my daughter Caitlin.
我的女儿凯特琳将会见莎拉和我。
And the two of them will say goodnight to me.
他们两个都会跟我说晚安。
And my fantasy is that I will fall into my bed and not get up for two weeks.
我的幻想是我会倒在床上两周不能起来。
This is absolutely not what happens.
这绝对不是发生的事情。
March 2019, Stony Creek, Connecticut.
2019 年 3 月，康涅狄格州斯托尼溪。
Brian's memory loss began in 2016, and it was small and then bigger and then startling-- names disappearing, repetition, information turned upside down, appointments and medications scrambled.
布莱恩的记忆丧失始于 2016 年，先是先小后大，最后令人震惊——名字消失、重复、信息颠倒、预约和药物混乱。
Suddenly, it seemed, we argued endlessly about everything.
突然间，我们似乎对所有事情都无休无止地争论。
A gregarious man, he didn't want to see friends except to fish.
他是个合群的人，除了钓鱼之外不想见朋友。
He now talked only about the past, his childhood, and football.
他现在只谈论过去、他的童年和足球。
I could not steer him to any other subjects.
我无法引导他学习任何其他科目。
In the evenings, I said-- because I didn't know any better-- that maybe we could talk about our life now as it's going on-- him and me and his retirement and the kids and the grandchildren and our friends.
晚上，我说——因为我不知道更多——也许我们可以谈谈我们现在的生活——他和我，他的退休生活，还有孩子们、孙子们和我们的朋友。
And he said, sure.
他说，当然。
But we didn't.
但我们没有。
And the evenings were hours of television.
晚上就是看几个小时的电视。
One spring morning, I'd been weeping because Brian seemed so distant.
一个春天的早晨，我一直在哭泣，因为布莱恩似乎很遥远。
And in that moment, weeping the harder because, although I could see that he was concerned and truly sorry he had upset me, I could also see that he didn't really know why I was upset and reminding him of our long, pointless fight the day before wasn't helping.
在那一刻，我哭得更厉害了，因为虽然我看得出来他很担心，而且真的很抱歉让我心烦意乱，但我也看得出来，他并不真正知道我为什么心烦意乱，提醒他我们前一天漫长而毫无意义的争吵也无济于事。
We still had the occasional Sunday morning conversations that we'd always had and cherished.
我们仍然偶尔会在周日早上进行一些我们一直以来都珍视的谈话。
Somebody hurt somebody's feelings, and somebody is owed an apology, which will be forthcoming sooner from me, later from him, but delivered by dinnertime.
有人伤害了某人的感情，有人就应该道歉，我会尽快道歉，他会稍后道歉，但要在晚餐时间之前发表。
Brian was not immune to the lure of the "I didn't say it" or "If I said it, I didn't mean it" approach.
布莱恩也不能幸免于“我没有这么说”或“如果我这么说，我就不是这个意思”的诱惑。
But one of the things I loved was his willingness to own up.
但我喜欢的一件事是他愿意承认。
There'd be a burst of anger.
就会爆发出一阵愤怒。
The black cloud would pass.
乌云终将过去。
And my husband would dig a little deeper and usually come up with a genuine apology.
我丈夫会更深入地挖掘，通常会真诚地道歉。
My favorite-- I'm sorry I was such a knucklehead.
我最喜欢的——对不起，我是个笨蛋。
The cloud didn't pass now.
现在云还没有过去。
The apology was thin or weary or cold.
道歉的内容很薄弱，或者疲倦，或者冷漠。
I could feel him through a glass, and I was banging on it, screaming at him, why is there a glass between us?
我能透过玻璃感觉到他，我敲打着玻璃，对他尖叫，为什么我们之间有玻璃？
Where did it come from?
它从哪里来？
Take it down.
把它拿下来。
And Brian looked at me with puzzled, irritated concern and said, in effect, what glass?
布莱恩困惑又恼怒地看着我，问道，实际上，什么玻璃？
And please, please stop complaining about this thing that isn't even there.
拜托，请停止抱怨这个根本不存在的东西。
Monday, January 27, 2020, Zurich.
2020 年 1 月 27 日星期一，苏黎世。
We land in Zurich, and the hotel's car service takes us to the pretty hotel in the cobblestoned Old Town section.
我们降落在苏黎世，酒店的汽车服务将我们带到位于鹅卵石铺成的老城区的漂亮酒店。
The city's warmer than we expect, and it's drizzling.
这座城市比我们想象的要暖和，还下着毛毛雨。
I feel shifty and out of place at the hotel's front desk.
我在酒店前台感觉很狡猾，格格不入。
Brian wanders around in and out of the lobby.
布莱恩在大厅里进进出出。
And when I see him walk through a pair of swinging doors at the end of the hall while I am searching for our passports, my stomach hurts, as it does every time he leaves my sight.
当我在寻找护照时看到他走过大厅尽头的两扇旋转门时，我的胃很痛，就像每次他离开我的视线时一样。
When he comes back a few minutes later, I've pulled myself together.
几分钟后他回来时，我已经镇定下来了。
Every time the concierge asks me a question, I fumble like a suspect.
每次礼宾员问我问题时，我都像个嫌疑犯一样支吾其词。
Why are we here?
我们为什么在这里？
Would we like a map of all the stores on Bahnhof-strasse-- Gucci, Hublot, Cartier?
我们想要一张班霍夫大街上所有商店的地图——Gucci、Hublot、Cartier 吗？
May they show me the bar in the library?
他们可以带我参观图书馆的酒吧吗？
I want to say to Brian that it reminds me a little of a hotel we loved in Amsterdam, but I am afraid that he won't remember the trip, the hotel.
我想对布莱恩说，这让我想起了我们在阿姆斯特丹喜欢的一家酒店，但我担心他不会记得那次旅行、那家酒店。
I'm afraid that he won't, but he will pretend that he does.
我担心他不会，但他会假装他会。
And I won't know if he does or doesn't, which is awful.
我不知道他是否这样做，这太糟糕了。
Or I will know he doesn't, which is also awful.
或者我会知道他不知道，这也很糟糕。
And I don't say anything, which is usually the choice I make now.
我什么也没说，这通常是我现在所做的选择。
We are both exhausted by the time we get to our room.
当我们到达房间时我们都已经筋疲力尽了。
Spring 2019, Stony Creek.
2019 年春季，石溪。
Our normal life had begun to require a level of effort that I'd last had to make when I had had an unhappy marriage, a full-time job, a teenager, a toddler, and a baby-- with none of the joy.
我们的正常生活开始需要一定程度的努力，而我上次不得不付出的努力是在我经历了一段不幸福的婚姻、一份全职工作、一个青少年、一个蹒跚学步的孩子和一个婴儿时——没有任何快乐的时候。
Having barely looked at another man or woman for 14 years, I was now imagining myself having drinks on a rooftop lounge with pleasant but unlikely, even unpromising, companions.
14年来，我几乎没有见过其他男人或女人，现在我想象自己在屋顶休息室与令人愉快但不太可能、甚至没有希望的同伴一起喝酒。
Brian and I were always stickily close.
布莱恩和我总是很亲密。
We liked to grocery shop together.
我们喜欢一起去杂货店购物。
Now I exhaled when he went for a long walk and ruminated late at night that maybe I could get him a small apartment in New Haven with some kind of helper if needed.
现在，当他散步很长一段路时，我长出了一口气，并在深夜思考，也许我可以在纽黑文给他买一套小公寓，如果需要的话，还可以带一些帮手。
How I could have contemplated helper and manage not to wonder why I was thinking that my 65-year-old husband who read Faulkner and worked out three times a week would need a helper, I couldn't-- absolutely could not say.
我怎么可能考虑找一个帮手，并且设法不去想为什么我会认为我 65 岁的丈夫读了福克纳并且每周锻炼 3 次，他需要一个帮手，我不能——绝对不能说。
I didn't tell anyone in the world that I had these thoughts.
我没有告诉世界上的任何人我有这些想法。
I did tell close friends that he was driving me crazy with his male, mid-60s, early retirement loose ends.
我确实告诉亲密的朋友，他的 60 多岁、提前退休的男性让我抓狂。
And it will pass, I said to myself, and look-- he's making stained glass.
一切都会过去的，我对自己说，看——他正在制作彩色玻璃。
I found the teacher, made the appointment for the lesson, and located the studio.
我找到了老师，预约了课程，并找到了工作室。
And he's going to his book club.
他要去他的读书俱乐部。
I scanned the planning emails when he felt overwhelmed, and I ran to the library for the book.
当他感到不知所措时，我浏览了计划电子邮件，然后跑到图书馆找书。
And he's pursuing the occasional zoning fights in our little town and studying the town's bylaws with great enthusiasm, so, really, what's wrong?
他正在关注我们小镇偶尔发生的分区斗争，并以极大的热情研究小镇的章程，那么，真的，出了什么问题吗？
I couldn't say.
我不能说。
But I knew that this man was not the man I'd married.
但我知道这个男人不是我结婚的男人。
And the change had happened not over 50 years, which would have been very sad but not puzzling, but just over the last three years.
这种变化发生的时间不超过 50 年，这会让人感到非常悲伤，但并不令人困惑，但就在过去的三年里。
End of life.
生命结束。
It's amazing to me that people said to me, well, why go to Switzerland?
令我惊讶的是，人们对我说，为什么要去瑞士？
I mean, why not Oregon or Colorado or Hawaii or Vermont?
我的意思是，为什么不是俄勒冈州、科罗拉多州、夏威夷州或佛蒙特州呢？
There are right-to-die laws in those states.
这些州有死亡权法。
That some people said this to me right before and right after my husband died was more than amazing.
在我丈夫去世之前和之后，有人对我说了这句话，这真是太令人惊讶了。
The right-to-die, physician-assisted dying, laws in California, Colorado, Oregon, Vermont, Montana, New Mexico, District of Columbia, and New Jersey, Maine, Hawaii, and Washington require that you be or become a resident of that state-- sometimes quick and easy, not always-- in order to pursue your physician-assisted suicide and also, consistently, that you are mentally competent, medically assessed as having only six months to live, and can express your wish to die-- usually three times, twice orally and once in writing-- to two local physicians.
加利福尼亚州、科罗拉多州、俄勒冈州、佛蒙特州、蒙大拿州、新墨西哥州、哥伦比亚特区以及新泽西州、缅因州、夏威夷州和华盛顿州的死亡权、医生协助死亡法律要求您是或成为该州的居民（有时快速而容易，但并非总是如此），以便寻求医生协助自杀，并且始终如一地要求您具有精神能力，经医学评估只剩下六个月的生命，并且可以表达您的死亡愿望 - 通常是三次、两次口头表达并一次以书面形式写给两位当地医生。
Practically speaking, you have to be damn close to death's door to get a doctor to swear that you'll be dead in six months.
实际上，你必须非常接近死亡之门才能让医生发誓你将在六个月内死亡。
You have two physician interviews, some days apart, in which you assert that you are not psychotic or suicidal or depressed and hope the doctors agree with you.
您接受了两次医生访谈，相隔几天，在访谈中您声称自己没有精神病、自杀倾向或抑郁症，并希望医生同意您的观点。
You have to be able to swallow whatever the doctor prescribes without any assistance.
您必须能够在没有任何帮助的情况下吞咽医生开出的任何药物。
Choosing to die and being able to act independently while terminally ill is a deliberately narrow opening.
在身患绝症的情况下选择死亡并能够独立行动是一个故意缩小的机会。
Many people can't get through it.
很多人都过不去。
They can't swallow well enough.
他们吞咽得不够好。
They can't talk well enough.
他们说话还不够好。
They can't hold the glass or mix the drink on their own, and helping someone hold the glass is a crime in much of America.
他们无法自己拿着杯子或混合饮料，在美国大部分地区帮助别人拿着杯子是犯罪行为。
People who do wish to end their lives and shorten their period of great suffering and loss-- those people are out of luck in the United States of America.
那些确实希望结束生命并缩短巨大痛苦和损失的时期的人——这些人在美利坚合众国就不走运了。
September 2005, Durham, Connecticut.
2005 年 9 月，康涅狄格州达勒姆。
How we met.
我们是如何认识的。
Brian and I fell in love the way some middle-aged people in unhappy partnerships and in small towns do.
布莱恩和我坠入爱河，就像一些在小镇上婚姻不愉快的中年人一样。
Liberal Democrats in a Republican town, ethnic types in a town full of Northern Europeans, opinionated loudmouths, and people who were willing to man the Durham Democrats hot dog stand-- hot dogs and cider-- every September at the fair.
共和党小镇里的自由民主党人，充满北欧人的小镇里的少数民族，固执己见的大嘴，以及愿意在每年九月集市上达勒姆民主党热狗摊上卖热狗和苹果酒的人。
I overlooked his bad haircut and aviator glasses.
我忽略了他糟糕的发型和飞行员眼镜。
I'm sure he had to overlook my lack of interest in sports and my impatience.
我确信他必须忽视我对运动缺乏兴趣和缺乏耐心。
Brian could talk about a plastic gazebo or additional parking at the library for hours.
布莱恩可以花几个小时谈论塑料凉亭或图书馆的额外停车位。
We had been walking together since our partners were not walkers and talking together in public at our local Democrats breakfast club, and then, suddenly, talking in private.
自从我们的伴侣不步行以来，我们一直一起散步，在当地的民主党早餐俱乐部公开交谈，然后突然私下交谈。
He said, "I was a three-sport captain in high school," and I laughed.
他说：“我在高中时是三项运动队长，”我笑了。
He said, "It would have been four sports, but you can't do lacrosse and baseball." "Is that right?" I said.
他说：“本来会有四项运动，但你不能做长曲棍球和棒球。” “是吗？”我说。
And he took my hand.
他握住了我的手。
He said, "What's your family like?" I said, "Jews from New York.
他说：“你的家庭怎么样？”我说：“来自纽约的犹太人。
You?" He said, "Well, we're a football family.
你？”他说：“好吧，我们是一个足球大家庭。
We have three Heisman trophies in my family." I said, "What's a Heisman?" And he kissed me.
我们家里有三座海斯曼奖杯。”我说：“什么是海斯曼？”他吻了我。
I kissed him back.
我回吻了他。
And sensibly, we avoided each other for the next year.
明智的是，我们在接下来的一年里避免了彼此。
After a year and some martinis in New Haven at the end of the day, he asked me to take a walk with him.
一年后，在一天结束时在纽黑文喝了一些马提尼酒，他邀请我和他一起散步。
He said, "I'm not stupid.
他说：“我不傻。
I know how this will end.
我知道这将如何结束。
You'll tell me we should not do this to the people we love, or I'll tell you.
你会告诉我我们不应该对我们所爱的人这样做，否则我会告诉你。
And we will go back to our lives where we should be, and I will never get over this.
我们会回到我们应该在的生活，我永远不会忘记这一点。
Or we blow up our lives and be together.
或者我们毁掉我们的生活并在一起。
"I just want to say this," he said, before we walked back to our cars.
“我只想说这个，”他说，然后我们走回车上。
"I know who you could be with-- someone rich, someone fancy, some guy your sister finds for you-- but I know who you should be with.
“我知道你可以和谁在一起——一个有钱的人，一个有魅力的人，一个你姐姐为你找到的人——但我知道你应该和谁在一起。
You should be with a guy who doesn't mind that you're smarter than he is, who doesn't mind that most of the time you'll be the main event.
你应该和一个不介意你比他聪明、不介意大多数时候你成为主角的人在一起。
You need to be with a guy who supports how hard you work and who will bring you a cup of coffee late at night.
你需要和一个支持你努力工作并且会在深夜给你带来一杯咖啡的人在一起。
I don't know if I can be that guy," he said, tears in his eyes, "but I'd like a shot." We married.
我不知道我是否能成为那个人，”他眼里含着泪水说，“但我想尝试一下。”我们结婚了。
Thursday, August 15, 2019, New Haven, Connecticut.
2019 年 8 月 15 日星期四，康涅狄格州纽黑文。
We have an appointment with the neurologist.
我们和神经科医生有个约会。
We get there in plenty of time.
我们有充足的时间到达那里。
The secretary/receptionist nods at us from behind the glass.
秘书/接待员在玻璃后面向我们点点头。
There are around six million people with Alzheimer's in the United States and many, many more with MCI-- Mild Cognitive Impairment-- often one of the first stages of Alzheimer's but not for everybody.
在美国，大约有 600 万人患有阿尔茨海默氏症，还有更多的人患有 MCI（轻度认知障碍），这通常是阿尔茨海默氏症的第一阶段之一，但并非适合所有人。
And although re-evaluation every six months is recommended to people with MCI, no website can tell you why frequent re-evaluation is recommended as there is no successful treatment for MCI, or for slowing the progression of MCI to Alzheimer's, or, really, for Alzheimer's itself.
尽管建议 MCI 患者每六个月重新评估一次，但没有网站可以告诉您为什么建议频繁重新评估，因为 MCI 没有成功的治疗方法，或者可以减缓 MCI 发展为阿尔茨海默氏症的方法，或者实际上，对于阿尔茨海默氏症本身也没有成功的治疗方法。
Almost 2/3 of these six million people are women.
这 600 万人中几乎有 2/3 是女性。
Almost 2/3 of the caregivers for those Alzheimer's patients are also women.
阿尔茨海默病患者的护理人员中近 2/3 也是女性。
There are lots of theories about why more women than men get dementia but only theories.
关于为什么女性比男性患痴呆症的人数更多，有很多理论，但都只是理论。
I don't have the scientific training to assess these theories.
我没有接受过评估这些理论的科学训练。
There are no comparable theories about why women make up 2/3 of the unpaid dementia caregivers because no theories are needed.
对于为什么女性占无酬痴呆症护理人员的 2/3，没有类似的理论，因为不需要任何理论。
Who doesn't know?
谁不知道？
Sisters, daughters, wives-- of course they're going to take care of someone with dementia.
姐妹、女儿、妻子——她们当然要照顾患有痴呆症的人。
Thursday, July 18, 2019, Stony Creek.
2019 年 7 月 18 日，星期四，石溪。
MRI day.
核磁共振检查日。
The appointment for Brian's MRI is at 8:45, and it's only 15 minutes away.
Brian 的 MRI 预约时间为 8:45，距离检查仅 15 分钟。
We both wake up at 6:30.
我们都在 6:30 起床。
Brian lies in bed for a while grumbling at his phone.
布莱恩在床上躺了一会儿，对着手机发牢骚。
He takes his morning meds and tells me he's contemplating a shower.
他吃了早上的药，并告诉我他正在考虑洗澡。
I encourage the shower because he has a bad case of psoriasis on his scalp, and the only thing that keeps it from trailing into his eyebrows and erupting around his nose is the medicated shampoo he uses every day.
我鼓励他洗澡，因为他的头皮上有严重的牛皮癣，唯一能防止牛皮癣蔓延到眉毛和鼻子周围的就是他每天使用的药用洗发水。
We have been talking about the psoriasis shampoo used daily for about a year and a half.
我们已经谈论每天使用的牛皮癣洗发水大约一年半了。
Looking back, it seems like a lot of fraught conversation to have about continuing to do something he's done almost every day for the 14 years we've been together.
回想起来，我们在一起 14 年来，关于继续做他几乎每天都在做的事情，似乎有很多令人担忧的谈话。
He's a good-looking man.
他是一个英俊的男人。
My husband always smelled great and looked good and was vain about his good looks, his wolfish smile, and his dark, thick hair.
我的丈夫总是闻起来很香，看起来也很漂亮，但他对自己英俊的外表、狼般的微笑和乌黑浓密的头发很自负。
I didn't mind the vanity which was not excessive and mostly shared only with me.
我不介意虚荣心，但虚荣心并不过分，而且大多只与我分享。
About once a year, he grabbed his stomach and said, if it was free, I'd get a tummy tuck.
大约每年一次，他会抓着自己的肚子说，如果有空的话，我就去做腹部整形手术。
After he had his cataracts removed, he dragged me into the bathroom to look with him into the mirror.
摘除白内障后，他拉着我进浴室和他一起照镜子。
These bags, he said, you never told me.
这些包，他说，你从来没有告诉过我。
Six weeks later, he was getting an eye lift.
六周后，他的眼睛得到了提升。
When we'd go out to dinner and look out on a sea of men his age, even if we had been in a furious argument, he'd grin, tap me on the hand, and say, how do you like me now?
当我们出去吃饭，看着外面一大群同龄的男人时，即使我们正在激烈争吵，他也会笑着拍拍我的手，说，你现在喜欢我吗？
And I'd always laugh.
我总是会笑。
I didn't understand why I was now having to say, wash your hair, honey, or, honey, take a shower.
我不明白为什么我现在不得不说，洗头，亲爱的，或者，亲爱的，洗澡。
Now I understand.
现在我明白了。
And now that I understand, I wish that it was middle-aged man laziness or retirement blues or a man's response to being told what to do.
现在我明白了，我希望这是中年男人的懒惰或退休忧郁或一个男人对被告知要做什么的反应。
It's not.
事实并非如此。
I've been reading, and it's mild cognitive impairment, which as far as I can tell-- our informative post-MRI meeting with the neurologist will be next week-- a wildly euphemistic name for the early stages of dementia.
我一直在阅读，这是轻度认知障碍，据我所知——我们与神经科医生的信息丰富的核磁共振后会议将于下周举行——这是痴呆症早期阶段的一个非常委婉的名称。
The Clock-Drawing Test and the Mini-Mental Status Exam.
画钟测试和简易精神状态测试。
In our second appointment, the neurologist gets down to it.
在我们的第二次预约中，神经科医生认真对待这个问题。
Brian probably-- in a tone that says definitely-- has a dementing disease.
布莱恩可能——用一种肯定的语气——患有一种痴呆症。
It's probably Alzheimer's-- very, very likely.
这可能是阿尔茨海默氏症——非常非常有可能。
I say that on the websites they describe the Alzheimer's trajectory as three to four to 20 years.
我说在网站上他们将阿尔茨海默病的发展轨迹描述为三到四年到二十年。
The neurologist disagrees-- eight to 10 to maybe, maybe 12.
神经科医生不同意——八到十到也许，也许是十二。
But, remember, he's had these symptoms for at least two, I'd say, three years.
但是，请记住，他出现这些症状至少两年，我想说，三年了。
The neurologist makes clear that those eight to 10 to 12 years for Brian would be the end of life-- the end of his body's life.
神经科医生明确表示，对于布莱恩来说，这八到十到十二年将是他生命的终结——他身体生命的终结。
I have now watched enough Alzheimer's diary videos-- who records this grief and posts it on YouTube; who does this, I think, even though I am as grateful as I am horrified-- that it's very clear that the end of the body will be long after the end of the self.
我现在已经看够了阿尔茨海默病日记视频——谁记录了这种悲伤并将其发布到 YouTube 上；我想，是谁干了这件事，尽管我既感激又惊恐——很明显，身体的终结将在自我的终结很久之后发生。
By moving to the practical, the neurologist signals that we are coming to the end of the appointment.
通过实际操作，神经科医生发出信号，表明我们的预约即将结束。
She says that Brian probably should not be driving even with the GPS and not because he'll get lost.
她说，即使有 GPS，布莱恩也不应该开车，因为他会迷路。
"Because," Brian jumps in, "I might be in an accident." "You might kill someone," the neurologist says.
“因为，”布莱恩插话道，“我可能出了事故。” “你可能会杀人，”神经科医生说。
We are both silent.
我们都沉默了。
We get home, and we cry for an hour in each other's arms.
我们回到家，在彼此的怀里哭了一个小时。
We agree not to do much talking for 24 hours.
我们同意24小时内不要多说话。
Our whole weekend is crying and talking and binge-watching TV at night.
我们整个周末都在哭、说话、晚上看电视。
I was sure that Brian had Alzheimer's before the MRI.
在进行核磁共振检查之前我确信布莱恩患有阿尔茨海默氏症。
I thought, it's not a surprise.
我想，这并不奇怪。
But it was a surprise.
但这是一个惊喜。
The way every bad thing-- even as you see the flames in the distance, even as the terrible thing is upon you, breathing in your ear, hammering on your narrow bones-- is still a surprise.
每一件坏事的方式——即使你看到远处的火焰，即使可怕的东西就在你身上，在你耳边呼吸，敲击着你狭窄的骨头——仍然是令人惊讶的。
Before we fall asleep, Brian muses aloud about his wish to control his death and how I will arrange that for him.
在我们入睡之前，布莱恩大声沉思着他控制自己死亡的愿望以及我将如何为他安排。
He'd made up his mind after 48 hours and never wavered.
48小时后他就下定了决心，从未动摇过。
We cried, and I agreed.
我们哭了，我同意了。
And he said to me, "You go research it.
他对我说：“你去研究一下。
You're so good at that stuff." Which meant that while I was looking up Exit International and The Hemlock Society and websites that would sell you both the plastic turkey bag and the helium machine for your own do-it-yourself suffocation, I was also researching how to get fentanyl and phenobarbital and sodium pentobarbital on the dark web.
你太擅长这些了。”这意味着，当我在查找 Exit International 和 The Hemlock Society 以及向你出售塑料火鸡袋和氦气机以供你自己动手窒息的网站时，我也在研究如何在暗网上获取芬太尼、苯巴比妥和戊巴比妥钠。
I research at the public library-- not on the phone, not on my laptop.
我在公共图书馆进行研究——不是通过电话，也不是在笔记本电脑上。
The internet tells me again and again not to search anything from my own computer and that if I need to know something, call, don't text, and don't use my own laptop.
互联网一再告诉我不要在自己的计算机上搜索任何内容，如果我需要了解某些信息，请打电话，不要发短信，也不要使用自己的笔记本电脑。
I was discovering the limits of my friends with medical degrees and the possibilities of carbon monoxide poisoning-- in your car, in your garage-- but it's become more iffy since 1975, when the car industry adjusted the CO emissions and then applied catalytic converters.
我发现了我的医学学位朋友的局限性以及一氧化碳中毒的可能性——在你的车里，在你的车库里——但自 1975 年以来，这一切变得更加不确定，当时汽车工业调整了二氧化碳排放量，然后应用了催化转换器。
Also, we don't have a garage.
另外，我们没有车库。
Brian's dearest, oldest friend-- his fishing buddy since 1979-- says to Brian, "If you think you don't need to go right now, and you want to wait a while, I can just shoot you myself in a year or two in a field." Brian hugs him.
布莱恩最亲爱、最年长的朋友——自 1979 年起就是他的钓鱼伙伴——对布莱恩说：“如果你认为现在不需要走，并且想等一会儿，我可以在一两年内亲自在田里开枪射杀你。”布莱恩拥抱他。
I look up how it feels to drown.
我查了一下溺水的感觉。
Lots of people have first-person accounts about near-drowning, and they seem divided between peaceful brain fog as the white light shines brighter and clawing one's terrified way through terrible suffocation.
很多人都有关于差点溺水的第一人称描述，他们似乎分为两种：白光变得更亮时的平静脑雾和通过可怕的窒息而恐惧的方式。
I mention that drowning is a way some people end their lives.
我提到溺水是一些人结束生命的一种方式。
Brian looks at me hard.
布莱恩严肃地看着我。
"Are you kidding me?
“你在开玩笑吧？
It's cold.
天气很冷。
No."
不。”
In the depths of Google wormholes for end of life, for assisted suicide, for euthanasia, for terminal illness, and for making end-of-life choices, in August, I finally find Dignitas, a Swiss organization to which even a foreigner can apply for an accompanied suicide if you meet their criteria-- be of sound mind, have medical records supporting this, have $10,000 to commit, and be sufficiently mobile to get to the outskirts of Zurich.
在谷歌的生命终结、协助自杀、安乐死、绝症和临终选择虫洞的深处，八月，我终于找到了 Dignitas，这是一个瑞士组织，即使是外国人也可以向该组织申请陪伴自杀，只要你符合他们的标准——心智健全，有医疗记录支持，有 10,000 美元的承诺，并且有足够的行动能力到达苏黎世郊区。
Fall 2019, Stony Creek.
2019 年秋季，石溪。
Applying to Dignitas is pretty much my second job now-- getting medical records from the distant past, an autobiographical essay from Brian, current dental records, his birth certificate.
申请 Dignitas 几乎是我现在的第二份工作——获取遥远过去的医疗记录、布莱恩的自传体文章、当前的牙科记录、他的出生证明。
But every mistake I make ends up costing us two weeks.
但我犯的每一个错误最终都会让我们损失两周的时间。
And the thing that takes up so much time is a careless note on a form from the neurologist that describes Brian as clinically depressed.
花费这么多时间的是神经科医生在一份表格上粗心的注释，将布莱恩描述为临床抑郁症。
He's not.
他不是。
But it's exactly the thing that Dignitas will not support.
但这正是 Dignitas 不会支持的事情。
I have to find a psychiatrist who will certify that Brian meets all of Dignitas's criteria.
我必须找到一位精神科医生来证明布莱恩符合尊严的所有标准。
Brian is a certain kind of CEO for this project.
Brian 是这个项目的某种类型的首席执行官。
He doesn't want to participate in discussions below his pay grade.
他不想参与低于他工资级别的讨论。
He doesn't want to overhear troubling or puzzling discussions.
他不想无意中听到令人不安或令人费解的讨论。
He doesn't want any bad news.
他不想听到任何坏消息。
He doesn't want any unsolved problems presented, and regular progress reports are appreciated.
他不希望出现任何未解决的问题，并且定期提交进度报告表示赞赏。
No meeting should last more than 10 minutes.
会议时间不得超过 10 分钟。
Occasionally, when we hit a speed bump of which he's aware, he says, "This is crazy.
有时，当我们遇到他意识到的减速带时，他会说：“这太疯狂了。
It's my life.
这是我的生活。
I should get to decide how to end it." Most days he seems to feel that I've got the situation well in hand-- that the end is coming too soon, certainly, but not right around the corner, not before we can do sushi and a movie many more times, and that nothing bad will happen in the process which will unfold as we expect.
我应该决定如何结束这一切。”大多数时候，他似乎都觉得我已经掌控了局势——当然，结局来得太快了，但不是马上就要到来，在我们可以多次做寿司和看电影之前，而且在这个过程中不会发生任何不好的事情，一切都会按照我们的预期展开。
This is not true-- that nothing bad will happen-- and, therefore, not comforting to me.
这不是真的——不会发生任何不好的事情——因此，这对我来说并不令人安慰。
It leaves me quite alone with reality.
它让我独自面对现实。
But the way he feels is exactly what I want for him.
但他的感受正是我想要的。
Talking with a friend, I rant about the American health care system, our refusal to let people die a dignified and comfortable death, the money made off suffering, the doctors unable to face their limits and meet the needs of their patients.
和朋友聊天时，我抱怨美国的医疗保健制度，我们拒绝让人们有尊严、舒适地死去，靠痛苦赚钱，医生无法面对自己的极限并满足患者的需求。
Nobody can talk about it, I say.
我说，没有人可以谈论它。
Nobody seems to know what they're doing.
似乎没有人知道他们在做什么。
There is literally no treatment.
实际上没有治疗方法。
The most advanced Alzheimer's research in the world says, eat fucking blueberries, get enough fucking sleep.
世界上最先进的阿尔茨海默病研究表明，吃他妈的蓝莓，睡够他妈的睡眠。
My friend nods.
我的朋友点点头。
End of November 2019, Stony Creek.
2019 年 11 月末，石溪。
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and Dignitas tells us we now have the provisional green light.
今天是感恩节前一天，Dignitas 告诉我们现在已经获得了临时绿灯。
This is the call we have been working toward since August.
这是我们自八月份以来一直在努力实现的目标。
Brian hugs me hard because we have accomplished the thing we wanted to accomplish and done it together, and he loves teamwork.
布莱恩用力拥抱我，因为我们已经完成了我们想要完成的事情并且一起完成了，而且他喜欢团队合作。
And then the light changes and dims.
然后光线发生变化并变暗。
And I am in the world without him in it.
而我的世界却没有他。
He sees clearly the world going on without him, me alone in the kitchen and him not next to me.
他清楚地看到没有他的世界正在发生，我独自一人在厨房里，而他不在我旁边。
We cry in each other's arms, and, without speaking, we go right up to bed for a nap at 11:00 AM and only come down when the kids come through the door ready to start Thanksgiving prep.
我们在彼此怀里哭泣，一言不发，上午 11:00 就上床小睡，直到孩子们进门准备开始感恩节准备时才下来。
I start dropping things.
我开始丢东西。
I drop the ceramic pie weights onto the kitchen floor.
我把陶瓷馅饼重物扔到厨房地板上。
I drop an entire open bottle of corn syrup into a bowl of butter and eggs.
我将一整瓶打开的玉米糖浆放入一碗黄油和鸡蛋中。
I burn the toast.
我把吐司烧了。
I actually set one pie on fire in the oven and quadruple the amount of bourbon in the other so that no one who is not a Kentucky drunk could eat it.
实际上，我在烤箱中点燃了一个馅饼，然后将另一个馅饼中的波本威士忌的量增加了四倍，这样除了肯塔基州醉酒的人都无法吃它。
Thanksgiving is done.
感恩节结束了。
Christmas is coming.
圣诞节快到了。
And so is my mother-in-law.
我的婆婆也是如此。
Brian and I already knew a lot about Alzheimer's from my mother-in-law's best friend of 50 years.
布莱恩和我已经从我婆婆 50 年来最好的朋友那里了解了很多关于阿尔茨海默氏症的知识。
Joanne, Yvonne's best friend, was an aunt to Brian, a regular dinner guest, formidably well-dressed in the Nancy Reagan mold, a great golfer, a devoted philanthropist to causes I reviled, and my mother-in-law's boon companion for movies, dinner, and drinks at the club.
乔安妮是伊冯娜最好的朋友，也是布莱恩的姨妈，她是晚餐的常客，穿着南希·里根的衣着得体，是一位伟大的高尔夫球手，是一位致力于我所谩骂的事业的慈善家，也是我岳母在俱乐部看电影、吃饭和喝酒的好伙伴。
She had descended into Alzheimer's these last few years as if on an express.
最近几年，她就像乘坐快车一样陷入了阿尔茨海默病。
First, she complained about the cleaning lady.
首先，她抱怨清洁女工。
Then she complained about her occasional guests.
然后她抱怨偶尔有客人来。
Then she complained about her son.
然后她抱怨她的儿子。
Then she complained that valuables were being moved to odd places and probably stolen.
然后她抱怨说贵重物品被转移到奇怪的地方，很可能被偷了。
Then she could no longer navigate, not even on roads she'd driven for 50 years.
然后她就再也无法导航了，即使是在她开了 50 年的道路上也是如此。
Then she became violent and tearful, afraid of the terrible real and imaginary forces beyond her control.
然后她变得暴力、流泪，害怕那些超出她控制的可怕的真实和想象的力量。
And then she didn't have the capacity to behave well in the communal dining room, or dress appropriately for the yoga class, or even to keep herself clean and get along with her health care aide.
然后她没有能力在公共餐厅表现良好，或者在瑜伽课上穿着得体，甚至没有能力保持自己的清洁并与她的医疗保健助手相处。
Then her son moved her into a memory-care unit.
然后她的儿子把她搬进了记忆护理病房。
And she still knew my mother-in-law and, weeping at every visit, begged her friend to take her home.
她仍然认识我的婆婆，每次来访时她都会哭泣，恳求她的朋友带她回家。
Yvonne shared every detail of her dear friend's decline with Brian, who took note.
伊冯向布莱恩分享了她亲爱的朋友拒绝的每一个细节，布莱恩也记录了下来。
I love my mother-in-law.
我爱我的婆婆。
Brian often quoted a favorite saying of hers, "We're not here for a long time.
布莱恩经常引用她最喜欢的一句话：“我们已经很久没有在这里了。
We're here for a good time." You can imagine how often he said that.
我们来这里是为了度过一段美好时光。”你可以想象他说过多少次这句话。
I hadn't said anything to Yvonne over the phone.
我在电话里什么也没对伊冯说。
Now I stand outside her bedroom door on our second floor until I hear bustling sounds.
现在我站在二楼她卧室的门外，直到听到熙熙攘攘的声音。
I knock, and she lets me in.
我敲门，她让我进去。
She's already nicely put together.
她已经很好地组合在一起了。
I sit on the bed beside her and tell her about our plan with Dignitas.
我坐在她旁边的床上，告诉她我们与 Dignitas 的计划。
She pulls away from me and wipes her eyes, and I wait with my hands clasped.
她从我身边退开，擦了擦眼睛，我紧握双手等待着。
I don't want a scene, but if there is one, I want it to happen while Brian is still asleep.
我不想要一个场景，但如果有的话，我希望它发生在布莱恩还在睡觉的时候。
Then she says, "I am so relieved.
然后她说：“我松了一口气。
I realized that last night.
昨晚我意识到了这一点。
I was praying about this and praying all night, and I realized that what I prayed for was that he would not have to suffer as Joanne does.
我为此祈祷了一整夜，我意识到我祈祷的是他不必像乔安妮那样受苦。
I'm shocked that I'm so relieved.
我很震惊，我竟然如此轻松。
But I am." We hold hands and cry.
但我是。”我们握着手，哭泣。
And she says that I was a gift to her son.
她说我是给她儿子的礼物。
And I throw myself in her arms as if she is my own mother.
我投入她的怀抱，就像她是我自己的母亲一样。
December 2019, Stony Creek.
2019 年 12 月，石溪。
I am practicing being a widow, preparing myself to do things alone, taking down the strings of lights by myself, listening to Brittany Howard, and having a snack.
我正在练习做一个寡妇，准备自己独自做事，自己拆下灯串，听布列塔尼·霍华德的讲话，吃点零食。
It is about as much like actual widowhood as our granddaughter Ivy making a fist and waving it overhead, saying ferociously, "When I do like this, I am magic, and you cannot catch me."
这就像我们的孙女艾薇握紧拳头并在头顶上挥舞一样，凶猛地说：“当我这样做时，我就是魔法，你无法抓住我。”
Monday, January 27, 2020, Zurich.
2020 年 1 月 27 日星期一，苏黎世。
We have an appointment with Dr. G at our hotel.
我们和 G 博士在我们的酒店有个约会。
As I understand it, Dr. G is both our guide through the process and a possible speed bump.
据我了解，G 博士既是我们整个过程的向导，也是可能的减速带。
The friend of a friend who'd brought her father with brain cancer to Dignitas told me that it was very important that Brian opened the hotel room door, showing that he's in charge of the process.
一位朋友的朋友带着患有脑癌的父亲来到 Dignitas，她告诉我，布莱恩打开酒店房间的门非常重要，这表明他负责整个过程。
I tell Brian this, and he nods.
我告诉布莱恩这一点，他点点头。
But I can tell he's not going to jump up at the first knock.
但我可以看出他不会在第一次敲门时跳起来。
Brian is not someone who rushes-- period-- to host at any gathering we've ever had.
布莱恩不是那种急于主持我们举办过的任何聚会的人。
He loves being the guest, and he makes up for it by doing a ton of dishes after.
他喜欢当客人，之后他会做很多菜来弥补这一点。
I don't know how to make sure he answers the door or even if it's important.
我不知道如何确保他会开门，也不知道这是否重要。
I just keep saying, "The doctor's going to knock on our hotel room door."
我只是一直说：“医生会敲我们酒店房间的门。”
I'm also worried about etiquette.
我也担心礼仪问题。
Will the doctor expect a cup of tea?
医生会期待一杯茶吗？
Does he look like the grim reaper?
他看起来像死神吗？
No and no. The doctor does knock on the door, and I almost scream.
不，不。医生确实敲门了，我几乎尖叫起来。
Brian strolls over to the door and is his most amiable and pleasant Brian self.
布莱恩漫步到门口，他还是他最和蔼可亲、最令人愉快的布莱恩。
We used to say that Brian could talk to anyone.
我们过去常说布莱恩可以和任何人交谈。
He could make small talk with a stump and, in the end, that stump would be hugging Brian goodbye, thanking him for a great evening, and inviting us all to the next stump get-together.
他可以和树桩闲聊，最后，树桩会拥抱布莱恩告别，感谢他度过了一个美好的夜晚，并邀请我们所有人参加下一次树桩聚会。
Dr. G is a small man with large, lovely, mournful eyes.
G博士是一个身材矮小的男人，有着一双可爱而悲伤的大眼睛。
We all shake hands and Brian and Dr. G sit across from each other.
我们都握手，Brian 和 G 博士坐在对面。
I ask Dr. G if I can stay for the conversation, and he looks surprised.
我问 G 博士我是否可以留下来谈话，他看起来很惊讶。
He says gently that, of course, I should stay as this all concerns me as well.
他温和地说，我当然应该留下来，因为这也与我有关。
I begin crying, and both men look at me kindly.
我开始哭泣，两个人都友善地看着我。
I pour myself a glass of water.
我给自己倒了一杯水。
Dr. G, "Moishe," he says-- that's my father's name, and I feel lightly blessed somehow, and I know that I have lost my mind-- asks about our flight.
G 博士，“Moishe，”他说——那是我父亲的名字，不知怎么的，我感到一丝幸福，我知道我已经失去了理智——询问我们的航班。
He mentions-- complaining lightly, just en passant, in what I can only describe as the Jewish fashion of complaining while assuring us at the beginning and end of each sentence that he is certainly not complaining-- that he had to come so late at night because he was at a concert in the city.
他提到——轻轻地抱怨，只是顺便说一句，我只能将其描述为犹太人的抱怨方式，同时在每句话的开头和结尾向我们保证他肯定没有抱怨——他必须这么晚才来，因为他正在城里听一场音乐会。
And it was most convenient coming after the concert because he lives by the lake and doesn't come into town every day.
而且演唱会结束后来最方便，因为他住在湖边，每天不进城。
But since we chose to stay in the Old Town, he had to make a special trip just to see us, not that he's complaining.
但既然我们选择住在老城，他就专程来看我们，并不是抱怨。
I beg him to take a glass of water, and he does, probably so I'll stop crying.
我求他喝一杯水，他照做了，也许这样我就不会再哭了。
He opens a folder and says to Brian, "After I read your application, I knew I would see you, but I didn't think it would be this soon." Brian says, "It's not a big window.
他打开一个文件夹，对布莱恩说：“读完你的申请后，我就知道会见到你，但没想到会这么快。”布莱恩说：“这不是一个大窗户。
I mean, no one knows how long they have, how much time they have to make this choice." Dr. G looks like he might argue, but instead he says, "You're absolutely right."
我的意思是，没有人知道他们还有多久、有多少时间可以做出这个选择。” G博士看起来可能会争论，但他却说：“你说得完全正确。”
He says to Brian, "I will ask you several times-- many times-- if you are sure that this is what you wish to do.
他对布莱恩说：“我会问你好几次——很多次——如果你确定这就是你想做的事。
And I want you to understand that at any time-- at any time between now and the final act-- you are free to change your mind and not do this.
我希望你明白，在任何时候——从现在到最后一幕之间的任何时间——你可以自由地改变主意而不这样做。
I hope you will not do this," he says softly.
我希望你不要这样做，”他轻声说道。
And Brian nods.
布莱恩点点头。
"So," Dr. G says, "are you sure that you wish to end your life on Thursday?" Brian says that he is sure.
“那么，”G 博士说，“您确定要在星期四结束自己的生命吗？”布莱恩说他确定。
I start crying again, and, thank God, both men ignore me again.
我又开始哭泣，谢天谢地，两个人又不理我了。
Dr. G smiles and nods.
G博士微笑着点点头。
"It seems to me," he says pleasantly, holding up the folder, "you don't believe in anything, Mr. Ameche." Brian laughs and says, "I believe in a lot of things, but religion and the afterlife are not among them." "Well," Dr. G says, chuckling, "you'll find out before I will.
“在我看来，”他举起文件夹，愉快地说，“阿米奇先生，你什么都不相信。”布莱恩笑着说：“我相信很多东西，但宗教和来世并不在其中。” “好吧，”G 博士笑着说道，“你会比我先知道的。
Let me know." Brian smiles.
让我知道。”布莱恩微笑着。
Dr. G's tone changes.
G博士的语气变了。
"Let me tell you what will happen.
“让我告诉你会发生什么。
You will arrive at our apartment building in the suburbs of Zurich in the morning by 10:00 AM.
您将于早上 10:00 抵达我们位于苏黎世郊区的公寓楼。
Do not be late.
不要迟到。
You will be greeted by two people from Dignitas.
来自 Dignitas 的两名工作人员将会迎接您。
They will invite you in.
他们会邀请你进去。
You can take your time," he says.
你可以慢慢来，”他说。
"There will be no rushing.
“不会有急事。
There is some paperwork.
有一些文书工作。
There are chocolates.
有巧克力。
They will give you an anti-emetic," he says, "so you will not vomit.
他们会给你止吐药，”他说，“这样你就不会呕吐。
You have up to an hour after that to make your choice about drinking the drink.
此后您有一个小时的时间来选择是否饮用该饮料。
If you need more time, they will administer the anti-emetic again.
如果您需要更多时间，他们会再次给予止吐剂。
And, again, you will have about an hour after that to drink the drink.
再次强调，在那之后您将有大约一个小时的时间喝饮料。
After you drink it, it is a little bitter," he says.
喝完后，会有点苦，”他说。
And I wonder how he knows.
我想知道他是怎么知道的。
"After you drink it, you will fall into a light sleep, then a deep sleep.
“喝了之后，你会先进入浅睡，然后再进入深度睡眠。
Then it will be over.
然后就结束了。
Mrs. Ameche, you can sit with him for a long time." I'm glad he calls me Mrs. Ameche.
阿米契夫人，你可以和他一起坐很长时间。”我很高兴他叫我阿米奇夫人。
I know Brian always gets a kick out of that.
我知道布莱恩总是会从中得到乐趣。
Brian nods attentively.
布莱恩认真地点点头。
Dr. G says, "At any time in this process, you may change your mind-- right now or Thursday morning.
G 博士说：“在这个过程中的任何时候，你都可能改变主意——现在或者周四早上。
No one will be surprised or distressed.
没有人会感到惊讶或苦恼。
We'll all be glad for you."
我们都会为你感到高兴。”
I don't know why this would be.
我不知道为什么会这样。
Perhaps I would be glad, too, but only if it meant the spell was broken, and my whole husband was returned to me and to himself, and these last years turned out to have been just a terrible test-- one poisoned apple after another-- to prove that my darling deserves the life he had before.
也许我也会很高兴，但前提是这意味着咒语被打破了，我的整个丈夫回到了我身边，回到了他自己身边，而最后的这些年结果只是一场可怕的考验——一个接一个的毒苹果——证明我亲爱的值得他以前的生活。
Brian shakes his head.
布莱恩摇摇头。
"I know what I'm doing," he says.
“我知道我在做什么，”他说。
"This is the right thing for me." Dr. G nods.
“这对我来说是正确的事情。” G博士点点头。
"I see that," he says, "but I will keep asking."
“我明白了，”他说，“但我会继续问。”
Brian and I sit back down after he's gone.
他走后，布莱恩和我又坐下来。
I say that Dr. G seemed nice, and Brian agrees.
我说 G 博士看起来不错，布莱恩也同意。
Brian says, "It's going OK," and I agree.
布莱恩说：“一切顺利”，我同意。
We sleep side-by-side, fingertips touching.
我们并肩睡，指尖相触。
Thursday, January 30, 2020, Zurich.
2020 年 1 月 30 日，星期四，苏黎世。
The night passes, and the next morning we have a car take us to Pfaffikon, where Dignitas has its apartment or house.
一夜过去，第二天早上，我们有一辆车带我们去普法菲孔，Dignitas 在那里有自己的公寓或房子。
I couldn't really tell.
我真的说不出来。
It's a residential structure in an industrial park.
这是工业园区内的一栋住宅楼。
Two nice women in nice clothes, sweaters and slacks-- I mean, I feel that an effort was made; they didn't just throw on their sweats and come over-- greet us.
两个漂亮的女人穿着漂亮的衣服，毛衣和休闲裤——我的意思是，我觉得他们付出了努力；他们不只是披上汗衫过来向我们打招呼。
They have dressed for the occasion of shepherding us across the river, and they take it seriously.
他们为带领我们过河而精心打扮，而且对待这件事非常认真。
I have never been treated with such seamless, attentive tact.
我从来没有受到过如此天衣无缝、细心周到的对待。
They walk us in, up a few steps to the door-- and I see a snow-covered garden, the kind of gesture toward a garden that you'd find in an industrial park-- and into a large, odd, immaculate room.
他们带我们进去，走上几步到门口——我看到一个白雪覆盖的花园，就像你在工业园区里看到的那种花园——然后进入一个大的、奇怪的、完美无缺的房间。
There's seating in every corner-- two small armchairs, a large pleather recliner, a pleather sofa, and a hospital bed as well.
每个角落都有座位——两张小扶手椅、一张大仿皮躺椅、一张仿皮沙发，还有一张病床。
It dawns on me later that it's important that everything that can be sat on or laid down upon be washable.
后来我意识到，所有可以坐或躺的东西都可以清洗，这一点很重要。
In the center of the room, there's a table with several chairs.
房间中央有一张桌子和几把椅子。
The ladies bring our paperwork to the table and point out the many bowls of chocolates.
女士们把我们的文件拿到桌子上，并指出了许多碗巧克力。
They review all of the steps, which Brian and I can now both recite.
他们回顾了所有步骤，布莱恩和我现在都可以背诵这些步骤。
They look at him closely and say, "At any time in this process, including after you drink the anti-emetic, you can choose not to do this.
他们仔细地看着他，说：“在这个过程中的任何时候，包括你喝了止吐药之后，你都可以选择不这样做。
We'll be very supportive of you changing your mind, rest assured." We are assured.
我们会非常支持你改变主意，放心吧。”我们放心。
The only sign of reluctance on Brian's part is what he warned me about-- is making conversation before taking the sodium pentobarbital.
布莱恩唯一不情愿的迹象是他警告我的事情——在服用戊巴比妥钠之前先进行交谈。
He said to me that he thought he might be inclined to just bullshit around for a while when the time came to take it.
他对我说，他认为到了该接受的时候，他可能会倾向于胡说八道一段时间。
"I know I have to go," he said.
“我知道我必须走了，”他说。
"I know I'm going.
“我知道我要走了。
I'm ready.
我准备好了。
I'm just not going to hurry."
我只是不会着急。”
He doesn't hurry.
他不着急。
He drinks the anti-emetic and gets comfortable on the couch.
他喝了止吐药，舒服地坐在沙发上。
I sit next to him holding his hand, but I have to let it go because he's gesturing while storytelling.
我坐在他旁边，握着他的手，但我不得不放开，因为他在讲故事时做了手势。
The stories are all about football at Yale and his coach, Carm Cozza, and I could tell them with him-- Brian and a friend winding up in jail because of a young, dumb fight in front of the Anchor Bar and Carm Cozza, stern and forgiving, bailing them out; Brian talking about quitting football because he didn't get to play enough his first season, and Carm telling him that he, Carm, would let Brian play when Brian was good enough and not before, and Brian resolving to be good enough; Brian's father and Carm Cozza playing handball together one time, his two fathers.
这些故事都是关于耶鲁大学的足球和他的教练卡姆·科扎（Carm Cozza），我可以和他一起讲述这些故事——布赖恩（Brian）和他的一个朋友因为一场年轻时在锚酒吧前愚蠢的打架而入狱，而卡姆·科扎（Carm Cozza）严厉而宽容地拯救了他们；布莱恩谈论退出足球，因为他第一个赛季没有打足够多的比赛，卡姆告诉他，当布莱恩足够好时，而不是之前，他，卡姆，会让布莱恩踢球，布莱恩决心变得足够好；有一次，布莱恩的父亲和卡姆·科扎（他的两个父亲）一起打手球。
I cannot manage to look interested in these stories because I'm not.
我无法表现出对这些故事感兴趣，因为我不感兴趣。
Brian says nothing about his life, about our life, about our love, about the children and grandchildren, nothing about the beautiful public housing he designed and cared about so deeply, or the work he did for conservation and open spaces, or even-- and you know I must be reaching here-- about fishing.
布莱恩只字未提他的生活、我们的生活、我们的爱、子孙后代，也没有提及他设计和深切关心的美丽公共住房，也没有提及他为保护和开放空间所做的工作，甚至——你知道我一定要到达这里——关于钓鱼。
But I do try not to look like I'm in agony, which I am.
但我确实努力不让自己看起来很痛苦，事实上我确实很痛苦。
The ladies wait in the back room-- a kitchen, I think-- and after about 45 minutes, they come out again.
女士们在后面的房间里等待——我想是厨房——大约 45 分钟后，她们又出来了。
They tell us that the anti-emetic has now worn off and if Brian wishes to continue-- "I do," he says-- he will have to take it again.
他们告诉我们，止吐药现在已经失效了，如果布莱恩希望继续服用——“我愿意，”他说——他将不得不再次服用。
They say, "You can take your time." And I roll my eyes because of course he will.
他们说：“你可以慢慢来。”我翻白眼，因为他当然会的。
He always does, I think, as if we are in some other room, on some other occasion, and then I remember where I am, and I am ashamed of myself.
我想，他总是这样做，就好像我们在另一个房间，在另一个场合，然后我记起我在哪里，我为自己感到羞耻。
Brian smiles slightly.
布莱恩微微一笑。
"What time's your plane?" he says, and I have never felt so bad about being me in my entire life.
“你几点的飞机？”他说，我一生中从未因为做自己而感到如此难过。
He takes the anti-emetic again, and the ladies put an airplane pillow around his neck.
他再次服用止吐药，女士们在他的脖子上放了一个飞机枕头。
Brian falls silent, and now I long for the football stories.
布莱恩沉默了，现在我渴望足球故事。
I take both of his hands, and he lets me.
我握住他的双手，他也让我握住。
"I love you.
“我爱你。
I love you.
我爱你。
I love you," I say.
我爱你，”我说。
"I love you so much." "I love you, too," he says, and he drinks the sodium pentobarbital.
“我真的很爱你。” “我也爱你，”他说，然后喝下了戊巴比妥钠。
I kiss him all over his handsome, weary face, and he lets me.
我亲吻他英俊而疲惫的脸庞，他允许了。
It is impossible to think about the next 20 minutes.
不可能再去想接下来的20分钟。
I keep my eyes and hands on him as if I'll forget what it is like to breathe next to him or feel his presence.
我的眼睛和手一直盯着他，仿佛我会忘记在他身边呼吸或感觉到他的存在是什么感觉。
I don't-- not for a minute.
我不——一分钟也不。
I hear his breathing when I go to sleep, and I feel his body heat when I wake up.
当我入睡时我听到他的呼吸声，当我醒来时我感觉到他的体温。
He falls asleep holding my hand, and his head falls back a little on the neck pillow, whose purpose I now understand.
他握着我的手睡着了，他的头向后靠在颈枕上，我现在明白了它的用途。
His breathing changes, and it's the last time I will hear him sleeping, breathing deeply and steadily, the way he has done lying beside me for almost 15 years.
他的呼吸发生了变化，这是我最后一次听到他熟睡时的声音，他深沉而稳定地呼吸着，就像他躺在我身边近 15 年一样。
I hold his hand.
我握住他的手。
I can still feel its weight and warmth.
我仍然能感受到它的重量和温暖。
His skin color changes from ruddy to paler pink.
他的肤色从红润变成淡粉色。
I sit there and sit there as if some other thing will now happen.
我坐在那里，坐在那里，好像现在会发生其他事情。
He is quite pale, and I see that he has gone from this world.
他脸色苍白，我看出他已经离开这个世界了。
I sit holding his hand for a long time.
我握着他的手坐了很长时间。
I get up and wrap my arms around him and kiss his forehead, as if he is my baby, at last gone to sleep, as if he is my brave boy going on a long journey miles and miles of Nought.
我站起来，用双臂搂住他，亲吻他的额头，仿佛他是我的孩子，终于睡着了，仿佛他是我勇敢的男孩，正在踏上漫漫虚无的漫长旅程。
There's not much else to do.
没有什么其他事可做。
The ladies would like me to go before the Swiss police come.
女士们希望我在瑞士警察到来之前离开。
It is simpler, they say.
他们说，这更简单。
It doesn't feel that we have done something illegal, but I can tell that it would be better-- perhaps better for me, for Dignitas-- for me to not be around while a Swiss policeman identifies Brian's body.
我们并不觉得我们做了什么违法的事情，但我可以告诉你，当一名瑞士警察辨认布莱恩的尸体时，我不在场会更好——也许对我、对尊严更好。
That's what his passport and dental records are for, as I understand it.
据我了解，这就是他的护照和牙科记录的用途。
I call an Uber and hug the ladies.
我叫了一辆优步并拥抱了女士们。
I head to the airport.
我前往机场。
In the Zurich airport, I sit in the fancy lounge, and I look around for faces, people watching.
在苏黎世机场，我坐在豪华的休息室里，环顾四周寻找面孔，观察人们。
Since the moment of Brian's death, I find most people, especially men, disgusting-- not just unappealing, but disgusting, like yesterday's oatmeal, like eels in a bowl.
自从布莱恩去世的那一刻起，我发现大多数人，尤其是男人，都令人厌恶——不仅没有吸引力，而且令人厌恶，就像昨天的燕麦片，就像碗里的鳗鱼。
I find heterosexual couples dismaying.
我发现异性恋夫妇令人沮丧。
In the lounge, I feel like an alien examining pairs of earthlings.
在休息室里，我感觉自己就像一个外星人在检查一对地球人。
What is the meaning of that?
这有什么意义呢？
How could a creature like that be the choice this other creature makes?
这样的生物怎么会是其他生物做出的选择呢？
How can one recognize choice in these random movements?
人们如何识别这些随机运动中的选择呢？
September 15, 2007, Durham, Connecticut.
2007 年 9 月 15 日，康涅狄格州达勒姆。
Our wedding day.
我们的婚礼那天。
My mother isn't there to see it, and that is my only grief.
我妈妈没能看到这一切，这是我唯一的悲伤。
The last time she was in the hospital, Brian dropped me off and went to park.
上次她住院时，布莱恩送我去公园。
My mother waved me into her room and kissed me.
我妈妈挥手让我进她的房间并吻了我。
"Is Brian coming up?" she said.
“布莱恩来了吗？”她说。
When I said, "Yes," she practically pushed me off the bed and began firmly and pleasantly directing me in how best to help her-- bed jacket, comb, blush, and lipstick, please.
当我说“是的”时，她几乎把我从床上推了下来，并开始坚定而愉快地指导我如何最好地帮助她——请提供床单、梳子、腮红和口红。
Hairspray-- hurry, please.
发胶——请快点。
By the time Brian came to her door, she was in full Greer Garson and sent me to get tea for both of them.
当布莱恩来到她家门口时，她已经完全沉浸在葛丽亚·嘉逊的怀抱中，并派我去给他们俩倒茶。
Oh, she would have said over breakfast on our wedding day, isn't this lovely?
哦，她会在我们婚礼当天吃早餐时说，这不是很可爱吗？
Aren't you gorgeous?
你不是很漂亮吗？
Isn't he the handsomest thing?
难道他不是最帅的吗？
Friends from all pieces of our lives are there-- some neighbors who disapproved of our scandalous beginnings and come around.
来自我们生活各方面的朋友都在那里——一些邻居不同意我们的丑闻并改变了态度。
We had both been with other people.
我们都和其他人在一起过。
We didn't behave well.
我们表现得不好。
We fell in love and left our partners.
我们相爱并离开了我们的伴侣。
We didn't slink out of town, and we glowed like radium.
我们没有偷偷溜出城镇，我们像镭一样闪闪发光。
Our minister speaks wisely and warmly, and I am delighted, but I barely listen.
我们的部长讲话明智而热情，我很高兴，但我几乎没有听。
Brian takes my hands, and I cannot see anything except his face.
布莱恩握住我的手，除了他的脸我什么也看不见。
He says, "I prepared some," and then he squeezes my hands tightly, and he begins to cry.
他说：“我准备了一些。”然后他紧紧地握着我的手，然后开始哭泣。
"I love you so much," he says.
“我非常爱你，”他说。
"That's all I can say.
“我只能说这么多。
I love you so, so much.
我非常非常爱你。
And I will love you every day of my life." Then he says, quietly, "Your turn."
我会在生命中的每一天都爱你。”然后他平静地说：“轮到你了。”
I say, "Middle-aged women are supposed to look for the safe harbor, for the port in the storm of life.
我说：“中年女性应该寻找安全的港湾，寻找人生风暴中的港湾。
We are supposed to look for the calm and the comfortable.
我们应该寻找平静和舒适。
You are the port in the storm.
你是暴风雨中的港口。
And you are the storm.
而你就是风暴。
And you are the sea.
而你就是大海。
You are the rocks and the beach and the waves.
你是岩石、海滩和海浪。
You are the sunrise and the sunset and all of the light in between."
你是日出和日落以及其间所有的光芒。”
I think I have more to say, but I can't.
我想我还有更多的话要说，但我不能。
We are holding hands, pressed against each other, holding each other up.
我们手牵手，互相紧贴，互相支撑。
I whisper to him, "Every day of my life." And he whispers to me, "Every day of my life."
我低声对他说：“我生命中的每一天。”他低声对我说：“我生命中的每一天。”
Amy Bloom.
艾米·布鲁姆。
Some of the audio you heard was excerpted from the official audiobook of In Love by Amy bloom, narrated by the author, courtesy of the Penguin Random House Audio Group.
您听到的一些音频摘自艾米·布鲁姆的《In Love》官方有声读物，由作者旁白，由企鹅兰登书屋音频集团提供。
If you happen to be having thoughts of suicide, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or the Crisis Text Line.
如果您有自杀念头，请拨打国家预防自杀生命热线 988 或危机短信热线。
For that, you text talk-- T-A-L-K-- to 741741.
为此，您可以发送短信 T-A-L-K 至 741741。
Coming up-- jokes that are not entirely jokes that a mother tells about her daughter.
接下来是一些不完全是母亲讲的关于女儿的笑话。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's program-- "Ends of the Earth," stories about the very upper limits of what you do for somebody you love, of people going way further than you usually see for their family members.
今天的节目——“天涯海角”，讲述了你为所爱的人所做的事情的最高限度，以及人们为家人所做的事情比你通常看到的更远的故事。
We have arrived at Act Two of our program-- Act Two, Comedy Duo.
我们已经到了节目的第二幕——第二幕，喜剧二重奏。
Zoya is in college, but she and her mom, Zarna, are really, really close, talking and texting every day about the most mundane stuff, like what they're eating for lunch.
佐娅正在上大学，但她和她的妈妈扎尔娜关系非常非常亲密，每天都会聊天和发短信讨论最平凡的事情，比如他们午餐吃什么。
But they deal with the big stuff too.
但他们也处理大事。
Because we are each other's only people, to be honest.
因为说实话，我们是彼此唯一的人。
Like, she doesn't have anyone else, and I don't have anyone else.
就像，她没有其他人，我也没有其他人。
Like, we don't have a lot of extended family.
就像，我们没有很多大家庭。
Well, she's married.
嗯，她已经结婚了。
Zoya She is married.
佐娅 她已经结婚了。
I mean, yeah, people always say that.
我的意思是，是的，人们总是这么说。
[LAUGHS] Zoya So I think that what's-- yeah.
[笑] Zoya 所以我认为那是什么——是的。
Sorry, Dad.
对不起，爸爸。
[LAUGHS] She is married.
[笑]她结婚了。
They get along really well.
他们相处得很好。
My dad is very traditional.
我爸爸是个很传统的人。
Parenting decisions are made solely by her and supported by my dad.
养育子女的决定完全由她做出，并得到我父亲的支持。
Right.
正确的。
Zoya So my mom and I are like our own little, like, 2 by 2 unit.
卓娅 所以，我和妈妈就像我们自己的小 2 乘 2 单位。
But ever since Zoya went away to college-- 3,000 miles from her mom-- they've been fighting more than ever, mainly because at her school, Stanford University, for the first time, Zoya realized that kids her age, her peers, were making decisions, even big ones, without consulting their moms.
但自从卓娅去上大学（距离她妈妈 3000 英里）以来，他们的争吵比以往任何时候都更加频繁，主要是因为在她的学校斯坦福大学，卓娅第一次意识到，她这个年纪的孩子、她的同龄人在不咨询妈妈的情况下就做出了决定，甚至是重大决定。
Which was a huge-- I mean, that really took me aback.
这是一个巨大的——我的意思是，这真的让我大吃一惊。
I was like, wow.
我当时想，哇。
If Zoya could make her own choices at college without her mom-- well, she loves the arts, painting, writing.
如果佐娅可以在没有妈妈的情况下在大学里做出自己的选择——那么，她喜欢艺术、绘画和写作。
An essay of hers was published in The New York Times.
她的一篇文章发表在《纽约时报》上。
Her mom, Zarna, is like, sure, a little of that.
当然，她的妈妈扎尔娜也有一点这样。
One class for fun-- like, fine, take something.
一堂有趣的课——比如，好吧，拿点东西。
It's OK.
没关系。
I'll live with that.
我会忍受这一点。
But the overwhelming focus needs to be on something-- science, tech, engineering, math-- that's going to lead to a job--
但压倒性的焦点需要集中在某些东西上——科学、技术、工程、数学——这将带来一份工作——
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Zarna Garg --and pay for this degree that's going to cost us a bomb and justify being at Stanford.
Zarna Garg——并支付这个学位的费用，这将花费我们一颗炸弹，并证明在斯坦福大学是值得的。
Like, oh, she's taking an English class-- that her professor loved her.
就像，哦，她正在上英语课——她的教授很喜欢她。
And he told her-- he's like, "You're such a strong writer.
他告诉她——他就像，“你是一位如此强大的作家。
I hope we don't lose you to the computer people."
我希望我们不会把你输给计算机人员。”
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Zarna Garg And when she told me that, I was like, oh, my God, these people are everywhere.
Zarna Garg 当她告诉我这件事时，我当时想，哦，天哪，这些人无处不在。
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass These people are trying to ruin your child's life.
[笑声] Ira Glass 这些人正试图毁掉你孩子的生活。
They're, like, trying to ruin her life.
他们就像是想毁掉她的生活。
What is happening?
怎么了？
[CHUCKLES]
[笑声]
Can I just say-- like, before we go further, my mom would definitely relate to this.
我可以说——就像，在我们进一步讨论之前，我妈妈肯定会同意这一点。
My mom was so sure that I should be a doctor.
我妈妈非常确定我应该成为一名医生。
And then when I went into radio and broadcasting, she was so disappointed.
然后当我进入广播电台时，她非常失望。
And she continued to tell me, there's still time to go to medical school.
她继续告诉我，还有时间去医学院。
Like, I had my own national radio show.
就像，我有自己的全国广播节目。
I was on the air for five years.
我在广播里呆了五年了。
And I remember it was finally-- I was 41 years old, and it was only because I went on to David Letterman for the first time--
我记得最后——我 41 岁了，这只是因为我第一次接触大卫·莱特曼——
[LAUGHS] Ira Glass --to promote the show-- that after the Letterman appearance, my mom said, like, OK, you win.
[笑]艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）——为了宣传这部剧——莱特曼出场后，我妈妈说，好吧，你赢了。
[LAUGHS] Ira Glass You don't have to go to medical school.
[笑] Ira Glass：你不必去医学院。
But for that entire time, she was very-- [CHUCKLES] she was very-- I think I have a lot to relate to with Zoya.
但在那段时间里，她非常——[轻笑]她非常——我想我和佐娅有很多联系。
She's like, why are you doing this thing?
她说，你为什么要做这件事？
It doesn't make any money.
它不赚钱。
Why?
为什么？
You could be a doctor.
你可以成为一名医生。
Like, you're smart.
就像，你很聪明。
You could be a doctor.
你可以成为一名医生。
Exactly.
确切地。
Listen.
听。
There's-- I don't want to say it, but there's a part of me right now that's thinking you should take the MCAT.
我不想说出来，但我现在的一部分认为你应该参加 MCAT。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Maybe the quality of that joke tips you off.
也许这个笑话的质量给了你启发。
Zarna is a stand-up comedian-- Zarna Garg, kind of a rising star right now.
扎尔纳（Zarna Garg）是一位单口喜剧演员——扎尔纳·加尔格（Zarna Garg），现在是一颗冉冉升起的新星。
She just filmed her first comedy special.
她刚刚拍摄了她的第一部喜剧特别节目。
She's huge on TikTok, plays the rooms in New York City that the most famous headliners do.
她在 TikTok 上很受欢迎，在纽约市的房间里扮演着最著名的头条新闻人物的角色。
And what makes her act so unusual is that it is happily, almost giddily, from her point of view as an immigrant mom born in India.
她的行为之所以如此不同寻常，是因为从她作为出生在印度的移民妈妈的角度来看，这是幸福的，几乎是令人眼花缭乱的。
Here she is telling an audience about something she truly did not know about college in America till Zoya got to Stanford.
在这里，她向观众讲述了一些在佐娅进入斯坦福大学之前她真正不了解的美国大学的事情。
I have uncovered the world's biggest scam.
我揭露了世界上最大的骗局。
Did you guys know that in this country the parents don't get to decide what the kid's going to study?
你们知道吗，在这个国家，父母无权决定孩子要学习什么？
[LAUGHTER] You guys all knew this?
[笑]你们都知道这个吗？
No. I really thought when my kid goes to college, I will call the college up, and I will say, "Com Sci One, Com Sci Two, go."
不。我真的以为当我的孩子上大学时，我会给学院打电话，我会说，“Com Sci One，Com Sci Two，走吧。”
[LAUGHTER] She wants to have fun.
[笑声]她想玩得开心。
I understand that.
我明白这一点。
Give her one class in chemistry.
给她上一堂化学课。
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass She tells the audience about the fun non-computer class that her daughter wanted to take at Stanford.
[笑声] Ira Glass 她向观众讲述了她女儿想在斯坦福大学参加的有趣的非计算机课程。
[APPLAUSE] $80,000 to learn how to make clay pots!
[鼓掌] 80,000 美元学习如何制作陶罐！
Do you know who else makes clay pots?
你知道还有谁做陶罐吗？
Villagers in India!
印度的村民们！
[LAUGHTER] Because they have nothing else to do.
[笑声]因为他们没有别的事可做。
[LAUGHTER] My kid is in Palo Alto, the epicenter of technology, making clay pots.
[笑声] 我的孩子在帕洛阿尔托（科技中心）制作陶罐。
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass Zarna's entire act is this tricky thing of embracing every stereotype of the immigrant Indian mom while also kind of-- I don't know-- winking at the audience like, I know this is over the top.
[笑声] Ira Glass Zarna 的整个表演是一件棘手的事情，既接受了印度移民妈妈的每一个刻板印象，同时也有点——我不知道——对观众眨眼，就像，我知道这有点过分了。
I know how funny this is.
我知道这有多好笑。
She does this bit about telling Zoya not to become friends with kids at Stanford who might pull her down the wrong path.
她这样做是为了告诉佐娅不要与斯坦福大学的孩子们成为朋友，因为他们可能会让她走上错误的道路。
You cannot be friends with any communications majors--
你不能和任何通信专业的人成为朋友——
[LAUGHTER] --no kids who do music, no kids who do drama.
[笑声]——没有孩子会做音乐，没有孩子会做戏剧。
Recruited athletes-- do I even have to say it?
招募运动员——还需要我说吗？
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass OK.
[笑声] Ira Glass 好的。
So this is both a joke, and it really happened.
所以这既是一个玩笑，又是真实发生过的事情。
At a cafe one day, she told Zoya the kinds of majors that she might look for when she makes friends at school.
有一天，在一家咖啡馆，她告诉佐娅她在学校交朋友时可能会选择的专业类型。
You know, I thought she was joking.
你知道，我以为她是在开玩笑。
I mean, when she first said it, I cracked up.
我的意思是，当她第一次这么说时，我笑了。
I was like, Mom, you are so hilarious.
我当时就想，妈妈，你真有趣。
And she was like, why are you laughing?
她说，你为什么笑？
So her mom is joking on stage, and it's real.
所以她妈妈在台上开玩笑，这是真的。
To get where her mom Zarna is coming from on all this, some background-- probably the pivotal moment in Zarna's life was when she was 14, back in India.
为了了解她母亲扎尔纳对这一切的看法，需要了解一些背景——扎尔纳人生中的关键时刻可能是她 14 岁那年，当时她回到了印度。
Her mom died.
她妈妈去世了。
And this completely crushed her dad.
这彻底击垮了她的父亲。
Zarna was the youngest of four kids, and he didn't want to keep raising one last child.
扎尔纳是四个孩子中最小的一个，他不想继续抚养最后一个孩子。
He wanted to get her married off as soon as possible.
他想尽快把她娶回家。
And I didn't want to get married.
而且我不想结婚。
I was that kid who was so curious and loved education and wanted to read about the world.
我就是那个充满好奇心、热爱教育、想要了解这个世界的孩子。
And also, I was heavily influenced by American pop culture.
而且，我深受美国流行文化的影响。
I read Archie's comics.
我读过阿奇的漫画。
I watched Three's Company.
我看了《三人行》
You know that TV show?
你知道那个电视剧吗？
Of course, Zarna Garg I was like, no one's married.
当然，Zarna Garg 我当时想，没有人结婚了。
They're all just living with everybody, seems fine.
他们都和大家住在一起，看起来很好。
She said no to marriage.
她对婚姻说不。
Her dad kicked her out, and she had to make her own way in the world.
她的父亲把她赶了出去，她必须在这个世界上开辟自己的道路。
She remembers standing out in the rain in front of the US embassy, who would not accept her paperwork to come here.
她记得在雨中站在美国大使馆前，美国大使馆不接受她来这里的文件。
She finally made it here, got a law degree, placed an ad to find exactly the kind of husband she wanted, which is a whole other story.
她终于来到这里，获得了法律学位，投放了一则广告来寻找她想要的那种丈夫，这完全是另一回事了。
And since then, she has devoted herself completely to her three kids to get them to a life that is safe and secure and very unlike her own teenage life.
从那时起，她全身心地投入到她的三个孩子身上，让他们过上安全可靠的生活，这与她自己的青少年生活截然不同。
Zoya is the oldest, the pilot project.
Zoya 是最古老的试点项目。
And for Zoya, this has meant just years of math camps and tutoring every summer and volunteer jobs that her mom arranged and after-school activities-- all, you know, to get her into a good college and, ultimately, a safe, comfortable job in tech or engineering or maybe medicine, which went great when Zoya was at home in high school.
对于卓娅来说，这意味着每年夏天要参加数年的数学营和辅导，以及她妈妈安排的志愿者工作和课外活动——所有这些，你知道，都是为了让她进入一所好大学，并最终让她在科技、工程或医学领域找到一份安全、舒适的工作，这在卓娅高中时在家时很顺利。
But now, at Stanford, threats to this plan are just everywhere.
但现在，在斯坦福大学，对该计划的威胁无处不在。
One of the biggest threats-- this American idea that at college, kids should explore, take the classes they enjoy, find what makes them happy.
最大的威胁之一是美国人的观念，即在大学里，孩子们应该探索，参加他们喜欢的课程，找到让他们快乐的事情。
As a parent, the happiness of my child is the last thing on my mind.
作为父母，孩子的幸福是我最不关心的事情。
Again, she delivers it like a punch line.
她再次将这句话当作妙语来表达。
It's totally over the top, but, also, she's not kidding.
这完全是夸张了，但是，她也不是在开玩笑。
It's the last thing right now with me.
这是我现在要做的最后一件事。
I mean, eating candy makes a kid happy, but I don't give it to them.
我的意思是，吃糖果会让孩子开心，但我不会给他们。
Do you feel like she's being tricked into thinking happiness is important?
你是否觉得她被欺骗了，认为幸福很重要？
Yeah, absolutely, 100%.
是的，绝对是，100%。
Ira Glass 100% is something Zarna says to a bunch of my questions.
“Ira Glass 100%”是 Zarna 在回答我的一系列问题时所说的话。
Does she know what's best for her family?
她知道什么对她的家人最好吗？
Yes, 100%.
是的，100%。
Ira Glass Does she think her children would thank her one day for forcing the hard decisions for their lives that they might not like just now?
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）是否认为她的孩子有一天会感谢她强迫他们做出他们现在可能不喜欢的艰难决定？
100%.
100%。
Ira Glass So with this in mind, Zarna is still trying to control Zoya's life from the other side of the country to a remarkable extent.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 因此，考虑到这一点，扎尔纳（Zarna）仍然试图在国家的另一边在很大程度上控制佐娅（Zoya）的生活。
Like, for instance, she texts the RA in Zoya's dorm to check on Zoya's room, to make sure she's working.
例如，她给 Zoya 宿舍的 RA 发短信，要求检查 Zoya 的房间，以确保她正在工作。
She has various people that she knows or just meets call Zoya to give encouraging pep talks about how great a life in computers or medicine is going to be.
许多她认识的人或刚刚认识的人都给佐娅打电话，鼓励她谈论计算机或医学领域的生活将会多么美好。
She consults with Zoya on pretty much every aspect of her life.
她几乎就生活的方方面面向卓娅提供咨询。
This impulse to control her daughter is so instinctive and thorough that, after I interviewed Zarna, Zarna called Zoya, who I hadn't interviewed just yet, with instructions on what to say to me.
这种控制女儿的冲动是如此本能和彻底，以至于在我采访了扎尔纳之后，扎尔纳给我还没有采访过的佐娅打电话，指示要对我说什么。
Well, she just said-- she just said, "When they ask you, do you control me, you should say no."
好吧，她只是说——她只是说，“当他们问你，你控制我吗，你应该说不。”
Wait.
等待。
But isn't telling you to tell us that she isn't controlling rather controlling?
但这不是让你告诉我们她不是在控制而是在控制吗？
I think that that's the thing about my mom is she doesn't think she's hypocritical because it all comes from a place of just pure love.
我认为这就是我妈妈的特点，她不认为自己虚伪，因为这一切都来自纯粹的爱。
And she gave me little lines of explanations of what I should say and what stories I should tell.
她对我应该说的话和我应该讲什么故事做了简短的解释。
And I was just kind of like, "Yeah, those are good ideas." And she was like, "So are you going to do it?" And I was like, "You know, I might improvise." And she was like, "No improvisation, we need to plan." [LAUGHS]
我只是想，“是的，这些都是好主意。”她说：“那你打算这么做吗？”我当时想，“你知道，我可能会即兴发挥。”她说，“没有即兴创作，我们需要计划。” [笑]
Clearly, somebody is not sticking with the plan.
显然，有人没有坚持这个计划。
But since she arrived at Stanford, Zoya has been pushing back on her mom more than she ever has.
但自从来到斯坦福大学后，佐娅比以往任何时候都更加反对她的妈妈。
And the biggest thing they disagree about, the most serious battlefront in this war over how much control Zarna gets over Zoya's life, is what classes Zoya should take.
他们最大的分歧在于，这场战争中关于扎尔纳对卓娅生活的控制程度的最严重的前线，是卓娅应该上什么课。
When I asked Zoya, "Was your mom's voice in your head when you were picking your classes?" Her answer showed just how much her mom's voice is in her head.
当我问佐娅：“当你选课的时候，你脑子里有妈妈的声音吗？”她的回答表明她的脑海里有多少她妈妈的声音。
100%.
100%。
Ira Glass In fact, last year, when Zoya was a freshman, her mom did something very unusual for a Stanford parent.
事实上，去年，当佐娅还是一名新生时，她的妈妈做了一件对于斯坦福大学家长来说非常不寻常的事情。
She sat in on Zoya's Zoom meetings with her academic advisor, mostly lurking off camera and making her wishes known to Zoya but sometimes speaking up.
她参加了 Zoya 与她的学术顾问的 Zoom 会议，大部分时间都潜伏在镜头之外，向 Zoya 表达她的愿望，但有时也会大声说出来。
Zoya remembers one call, for instance, with an advisor.
例如，佐娅记得与一位顾问的一次通话。
I think the most embarrassing part of the call was my mom saying, "Zoya is only supposed to take computer science.
我认为电话中最尴尬的部分是我妈妈说：“佐娅只应该学习计算机科学。
She should only take computer science." And then, I think what was so embarrassing was she had said that right after I had gone on this whole tangent about how I loved learning about Latin and ancient cultures.
她应该只选计算机科学。”然后，我觉得最尴尬的是，就在我刚刚说完我多么喜欢学习拉丁语和古代文化之后，她却说了这句话。
And then she was like, but Zoya needs to take computer science, almost as if she hadn't heard what I had said.
然后她就说，但是佐娅需要学习计算机科学，就好像她没有听到我说的话一样。
And the academic advisor was like-- her face just dropped.
学术顾问的表情就像是——她的脸沉了下来。
It was just so embarrassing.
真是太尴尬了。
I think she's thinking, oh, like, typical immigrant mom wants to control Indian daughter to do STEM, which I just hate because we're not even a stereotypically cultural family.
我想她在想，哦，典型的移民妈妈想要控制印度女儿去学习 STEM，我只是讨厌这一点，因为我们甚至不是一个典型的文化家庭。
It just was the worst feeling.
这只是最糟糕的感觉。
I didn't want to be seen as weak.
我不想被视为软弱。
And I didn't want to be seen as something-- I had worked so hard to create this identity that wasn't just Indian girl does STEM.
我不想被视为某种东西——我非常努力地创造了这个身份，这不仅仅是印度女孩做的 STEM。
You know, that's so important to me.
你知道，这对我来说非常重要。
I want to be complex and interesting and seen as more than that.
我想要变得复杂、有趣，并且不仅仅如此。
And I feel like I'm caught in this mismatch of cultures and mismatch of understanding of what education looks like.
我觉得我陷入了文化的不匹配以及对教育的理解不匹配的困境。
And to be clear, she doesn't think her mom is entirely wrong.
需要明确的是，她并不认为她妈妈完全错了。
When her mom says, "I'm paying for this.
当她妈妈说：“我付这个钱。
Why shouldn't I get to pick your courses?" Part of Zoya thinks, yeah, why should she be spending her mom's money to take an English class her mom doesn't like?
为什么我不能选你的课程？”卓娅的一部分在想，是的，她为什么要花她妈妈的钱去上她妈妈不喜欢的英语课呢？
Isn't that selfish of her?
她这不是自私吗？
But to show you just how messy and complicated all this is between them, I need to tell you this next story.
但为了向你展示他们之间的这一切是多么混乱和复杂，我需要告诉你下一个故事。
Zoya knows her mom so well and is such a forceful, forward-looking kid, that Zoya is the reason that her mom, Zarna, became a stand-up comedian at all.
佐娅非常了解她的妈妈，而且她是一个坚强、有远见的孩子，佐娅是她妈妈扎尔纳成为一名单口喜剧演员的原因。
Four years ago, when she was 16, Zoya saw how unhappy her mom was.
四年前，16 岁的佐娅看到她妈妈有多么不快乐。
She had trained to be a lawyer but didn't like it and stopped when she had her kids.
她曾受训成为一名律师，但她不喜欢这个职业，并在有了孩子后就停止了。
She'd been home raising the kids for years.
她多年来一直在家抚养孩子。
Here's Zarna.
这是扎尔纳。
I was dying, but I couldn't figure out what to do.
我快要死了，但我不知道该怎么办。
I couldn't figure out what I should do.
我不知道我应该做什么。
And she said to me, "Mom, all my friends love hanging out with you because they think you're funny.
她对我说：“妈妈，我所有的朋友都喜欢和你一起出去玩，因为他们认为你很有趣。
Why don't you do comedy?" And I was like, what is she talking about?
为什么不演喜剧呢？”我当时想，她在说什么？
Who's going to come and watch what I have to say?
谁来看看我要说的话？
And what am I even going to say?
我到底要说什么？
I don't know what comedy people do.
我不知道喜剧人会做什么。
And she's like, "No, Mom, I really think you should do stand-up comedy." And I thought she had lost her mind.
她说：“不，妈妈，我真的认为你应该演单口喜剧。”我以为她疯了。
She had so much fear going into stand-up comedy.
她非常害怕进入单口喜剧。
I mean, it took me six months of being like, "Mom, you can do it.
我的意思是，我花了六个月的时间才说：“妈妈，你能做到。
Mom, you can do it.
妈妈，你能行的。
You're so good at this." Like, all my friends would want to come to my house because she was just so funny and lively.
你很擅长这个。”就像，我所有的朋友都想来我家，因为她是如此有趣和活泼。
She just had such a gift.
她刚好有这样的天赋。
Always her answer was like, "Oh, I'll just be a secretary or somewhere.
她的回答总是这样的：“哦，我就当个秘书什么的。
Or I got a law degree.
或者我获得了法律学位。
I could go exercise my law degree.
我可以去锻炼我的法律学位。
I could go practice law." I was like, "Mom, you hated practicing law.
我可以去当律师。”我当时想，“妈妈，你讨厌从事法律工作。
You love telling stories."
你很喜欢讲故事。”
So it took her all those months to convince her mom that she should do what she loved.
因此，她花了好几个月的时间才说服妈妈她应该做自己喜欢做的事情。
And now it is not lost on Zoya that this is exactly what she's asking her mom to let her do at college.
现在，佐娅并没有忘记，这正是她要求妈妈让她在大学里做的事情。
So I keep telling her that, where I'm like, "Mom, the reason you have your career is because I said, 'Do what you love'." And she was like, "Yeah, but you shouldn't do what you love.
所以我一直告诉她，我的意思是，“妈妈，你拥有事业的原因是因为我说，‘做你喜欢的事’。”她说：“是的，但你不应该做你喜欢做的事。
That's too scary." And I was like, "Mom!" [LAUGHS]
这太可怕了。”我当时想，“妈妈！” [笑]
When I ask her mom about this, she says that it is different for her than for Zoya.
当我问她妈妈这件事时，她说这对她来说和对佐娅来说是不同的。
When she started as a comedian, the family was financially secure.
当她开始担任喜剧演员时，家庭经济状况良好。
They were fine.
他们很好。
Zoya doesn't have that, in her mom's view.
在她妈妈看来，卓娅没有这样的能力。
She needs to invent a life for herself, where she's supporting herself.
她需要为自己创造一种生活，养活自己。
And some humanities degree-- a job as a writer, a job in the arts--
还有一些人文学科的学位——作家的工作，艺术的工作——
I mean, it's a very unstable, unknown path.
我的意思是，这是一条非常不稳定、未知的道路。
You don't know what's next.
你不知道接下来会发生什么。
It's just hard for her to put that feeling aside, given her past.
考虑到她的过去，她很难把这种感觉放在一边。
What can I say?
我能说什么？
From my experience with my parents, who grew up without money and fought their way to professional jobs in the middle class, I'm really not sure there's anything that Zoya can say to Zarna, or Zarna to Zoya, to convince each other.
从我和我父母的经历来看，他们在没有钱的情况下长大，并为中产阶级的专业工作而奋斗，我真的不确定卓娅可以对扎尔纳，或者扎尔纳对卓娅说些什么，以说服对方。
It's almost like the parents did too good a job creating a safe life for Zoya.
就好像父母为卓娅创造安全的生活做得太好了。
And now she's not scared the way they are about how badly things could go.
现在她不再像他们那样害怕事情会变得多么糟糕。
We live in fear.
我们生活在恐惧之中。
At least my husband and I-- she doesn't-- and for that, I'm grateful.
至少我和我丈夫——她没有——为此，我很感激。
She's very American in that way.
在这方面她非常美国化。
She's a little bit fearless.
她有点无所畏惧。
She's like, whatever happens, we'll figure it out.
她说，无论发生什么，我们都会解决的。
But my husband and I are immigrants.
但我和我丈夫都是移民。
We live in fear.
我们生活在恐惧之中。
And so Zarna doesn't trust Zoya to pick her own future.
所以扎尔娜不相信佐娅可以选择自己的未来。
Because I don't see her as a person who's driven by the need to survive.
因为我不认为她是一个受生存需要驱使的人。
I ran that by Zoya.
我由佐娅负责。
Zoya Wow.
佐娅 哇。
I think-- I need to-- I don't know.
我想——我需要——我不知道。
I don't know how to even respond to that.
我什至不知道该如何回应。
That's insane.
那太疯狂了。
[LAUGHS] I've never heard it verbally explicitly said.
[笑]我从来没有听过口头明确说过。
Yeah, she thinks that her advice is better than what you think you want for yourself because she's more scared for you than you are.
是的，她认为她的建议比你认为自己想要的更好，因为她比你更担心你。
She's worried about you surviving.
她担心你能活下来。
But I'm like, why do decisions have to be made out of fear?
但我想，为什么必须出于恐惧而做出决定？
All of the people that I look up to as, like, role models all made their careers out of something they just love to do, even my mom.
所有我尊敬的榜样的人都以自己喜欢做的事情为职业，甚至是我的妈妈。
Why can't I be motivated by that instead of being motivated by fear constantly?
为什么我不能因此而受到激励，而是不断地被恐惧所激励？
I think she-- I wish she trusted herself as a parent a little bit too.
我想她——我希望她作为父母也能信任自己一点。
Like, she really raised me right, and it's all there.
就像，她真的把我养大了，一切都在那里。
Everything is sitting in my brain.
一切都在我的脑海里。
So I just wish she knew that and could trust that a little bit.
所以我只是希望她知道这一点并且能够相信这一点。
Zoya said that hearing that it took my mom till I was 41 years old to fully accept what I've done with my life made her heart hurt.
卓娅说，当我听到妈妈直到我 41 岁才完全接受我一生所做的事情时，她的心很痛。
She doesn't want to wait that long.
她不想等那么久。
Well, today's show was produced by Diane Wu.
嗯，今天的节目是吴黛安制作的。
Elna Baker produced Act Two.
艾尔娜·贝克制作了第二幕。
Original music for Act One, Amy Bloom's story, by Found Objects and Jay Lifton.
艾米·布鲁姆的故事第一幕的原创音乐，由 Found Objects 和 Jay Lifton 创作。
Music supervision by Karl Westman and Raife Burchell at Dirty Soup, and Stowe Nelson.
Dirty Soup 的 Karl Westman 和 Raife Burchell 以及 Stowe Nelson 担任音乐监督。
The people who put our show together today include Michael Comite, Andrea López Cruzado, Cassie Howley, Chana Joffe-Walt, Valerie Kipnis, Katherine Rae Mondo, Nadia Reiman, Ryan Rumery, Alissa Shipp, Christopher Swetala, and Matt Tierney.
今天的节目的制作人包括 Michael Comite、Andrea López Cruzado、Cassie Howley、Chana Joffe-Walt、Valerie Kipnis、Katherine Rae Mondo、Nadia Reiman、Ryan Rumery、Alissa Shipp、Christopher Swetala 和 Matt Tierney。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Our senior editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的高级编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
It's our production fellow's last week with us.
这是我们的制作人员和我们在一起的最后一周。
Michelle Navarro, this has been so lovely.
米歇尔·纳瓦罗，这太可爱了。
You are such a good writer.
你真是个好作家。
We all hope to have you on the air here again.
我们都希望您再次来到这里。
Special thanks today to Brett Wean, to Dr. Charles DeCarli, and Andrew Francis.
今天特别感谢 Brett Wean、Charles DeCarli 博士和 Andrew Francis。
Our website-- ThisAmericanLife.org, where you can stream our archive of over 750 episodes for absolutely free.
我们的网站 -- ThisAmericanLife.org，您可以在其中完全免费地观看我们的 750 多集档案。
Also, there's tons of other stuff there too-- links to our television show-- you know, we have a television show-- videos, favorites lists-- again, ThisAmericanLife.org.
此外，还有大量其他内容——我们电视节目的链接——你知道，我们有一个电视节目——视频、收藏夹列表——同样是 ThisAmericanLife.org。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks as always to our program's co-founder Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
You know, he still remembers the day, back when he was a little boy years ago, when he wrote down the word "hug," and then he added the letter "E" to the end.
你知道，他还记得多年前他还是个小男孩的那一天，当时他写下“拥抱”这个词，然后在最后加上了字母“E”。
He was stunned by his creation.
他对自己的创作感到震惊。
Which was a huge-- I mean, that really took me aback.
这是一个巨大的——我的意思是，这真的让我大吃一惊。
I was like, "Wow."
我当时想，“哇。”
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
[MUSIC - DENROY MORGAN, "I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU"]
[音乐 - 丹罗伊·摩根，“我会为你做任何事”]
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。