749: My Bad - This American Life
You are using an outdated browser.
您正在使用过时的浏览器。
Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience.
请升级您的浏览器或激活 Google Chrome 浏览器内嵌框架以改善您的体验。
Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #749 | October 1, 2021 749: My Bad Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 749 集 | 2021 年 10 月 1 日 749：我的坏注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Elna Baker From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
序言：序言 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的 Elna Baker，这就是《美国生活》。
I'm Elna Baker, sitting in for Ira Glass.
我是埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker），代理艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）。
Kids have a stage where they learn to be embarrassed.
孩子们都有一个学习尴尬的阶段。
It begins when they're toddlers, but some of us don't seem to take the lesson to heart, like my friend Jane Marie.
它从他们蹒跚学步的时候就开始了，但我们中的一些人似乎并没有把这个教训牢记在心，就像我的朋友简·玛丽一样。
I've known Jane for years.
我认识简很多年了。
She used to work at the radio show.
她曾经在广播节目工作。
And her shamelessness was the quality I most admired about her, especially as a woman.
而她的无耻是我最欣赏她的品质，尤其是作为一个女人。
You know, she didn't care what people thought.
你知道，她不在乎别人怎么想。
Am I acting nice?
我表现得好吗？
Am I dressed too sexy?
我是不是穿得太性感了？
Am I being loud?
我声音很大吗？
She didn't ask those questions.
她没有问这些问题。
She was totally opinionated and scrappy.
她完全固执己见，斗志旺盛。
Jane was never embarrassed, and for a pretty specific reason.
简从不感到尴尬，而且有一个非常具体的原因。
The way she grew up-- she was Methodist-- she was taught you are not the center of the universe, which made her feel free, like no one was watching.
在她成长的过程中——她是卫理公会教徒——她被教导说你不是宇宙的中心，这让她感到自由，就像没有人在注视一样。
To be embarrassed would be to assume that anyone in this room or anyone who witnessed this actually spends more than 5 seconds thinking about me.
尴尬的是假设这个房间里的任何人或目睹这一切的任何人实际上花了超过 5 秒钟的时间来思考我。
And they don't.
但他们没有。
Why would you think anyone but God gives a shit about anything you're doing, ever?
你为什么会认为除了上帝之外还有人会关心你所做的一切呢？
They don't.
他们不这样做。
Like, you are nothing.
就像，你什么都不是。
You mean nothing in the world.
你在这个世界上毫无意义。
It's obnoxious, basically, to think that, like, any of your actions-- that anyone is actually looking in your direction.
基本上，认为你的任何行为——任何人都在看着你的方向——是令人讨厌的。
This worldview, that others weren't judging her, helped her not judge herself.
这种别人不评判她的世界观帮助她不评判自己。
Those thoughts just didn't occur to her.
她只是没有想到这些想法。
Like, a voice that-- Jane Marie (LAUGHING) That's actually funny, sorry.
就像，一个声音——简·玛丽（笑），抱歉，这实际上很有趣。
I'm like, [KNOCK KNOCK], come again?
我想，[敲敲]，再来一次？
So I was surprised when she texted me and said she'd heard I was looking for embarrassing stories to put on today's radio show.
因此，当她给我发短信说她听说我正在寻找尴尬的故事并在今天的广播节目中播放时，我感到很惊讶。
And that she had one, a big one that she'd never told anyone but her therapist, something that changed who she was.
她有一个，一个重大的事情，除了她的治疗师之外，她从未告诉过任何人，这件事改变了她的身份。
And I'll get to that story in about a minute.
大约一分钟后我就会讲到这个故事。
But first, let me just say, I love embarrassing stories.
但首先，我想说，我喜欢尴尬的故事。
I always ask for them at parties.
我总是在聚会上要它们。
If I hear a good one, I'll retell it for years.
如果我听到好听的话，我会重述很多年。
Some of them, so funny.
其中一些，非常有趣。
But that's not the only reason I like them.
但这并不是我喜欢它们的唯一原因。
I think the best ones say so much about us, reveal sides of ourselves maybe we'd rather not see.
我认为最好的人说了很多关于我们的事情，揭示了我们自己也许不愿意看到的一面。
And to prove the point that embarrassing stories have a lot to teach us, I decided to harness the power of the radio program.
为了证明令人尴尬的故事对我们有很多启发，我决定利用广播节目的力量。
And we asked you for your embarrassing stories.
我们向你询问了你的尴尬故事。
People sent in over a thousand of them.
人们送来了一千多个。
Today we'll hear some of those and talk about what they reveal.
今天我们将听到其中的一些内容并讨论它们所揭示的内容。
But we're going to kick things off with Jane's story because, honestly, of the hundreds of embarrassing stories that I've heard, I've never heard another one like Jane's, where it changed someone so deeply.
但我们将从简的故事开始，因为说实话，在我听过的数百个令人尴尬的故事中，我从未听过像简的故事这样深刻地改变了一个人的故事。
Her story is our first act.
她的故事是我们的第一幕。
Let's call it Belle of the Gall.
我们就叫它“胆中的美女”吧。
Jane's story starts at a big charity event at a bougie hotel in Beverly Hills.
简的故事始于比佛利山庄一家布吉酒店的一次大型慈善活动。
The night is a fundraiser for children with epilepsy.
当晚是为癫痫儿童筹款的活动。
It's held in a grand ballroom with fine china and excessive centerpieces and some of the most powerful producers and executives in Hollywood.
它在一个盛大的宴会厅举行，里面有精美的瓷器和华丽的中心装饰品，还有一些好莱坞最有权势的制片人和高管。
This is not Jane's scene.
这不是简的场景。
She's there because she's interviewing for a job, a job with a big studio.
她来这里是因为她正在面试一份工作，一份大工作室的工作。
A job that would be a major leap for her and pay a ton more money than she'd ever made.
这份工作对她来说将是一个巨大的飞跃，并且支付的钱比她以前赚的要多得多。
They'd met with her several times for interviews, and they'd invited her tonight and paid for her ticket as a kind of fun, looser, let's go do something more social and see how we all hit it off.
他们在采访中与她见过几次面，他们今晚邀请了她，并为她付了门票，作为一种乐趣，更放松，让我们去做一些更社交的事情，看看我们都合得如何。
Knowing where it's held and knowing it's a gala, Jane wears a ball gown, a two-piece dark green dress that shows off her midriff with a giant billowy skirt.
简知道它在哪里举行，也知道这是一场盛会，她穿着一件舞会礼服，一件两件式的深绿色连衣裙，用一条巨大的波浪形裙子展示了她的腹部。
She walks into the event and, to her surprise--
她走进活动现场，令她惊讶的是——
People were wearing, like, business casual instead of, like-- it wasn't black tie.
人们穿着商务休闲装，而不是——不是黑领带。
And so I'm overdressed.
所以我穿得太多了。
They're passing around champagne flutes.
他们正在传递香槟酒杯。
I grab one but promise myself I'm only going to have half of this one glass of champagne before we sit down at the table.
我拿了一杯，但向自己保证，在我们坐在桌边之前，我只会喝一半的香槟。
Like, I am going into this with full control of myself.
就像，我正在完全控制自己的情况下进入这件事。
Like, I am--
就像，我是——
I am there to make a great impression on these people.
我来这里是为了给这些人留下深刻的印象。
I want to work with them.
我想和他们一起工作。
And I want them to think I'm respectable.
我希望他们认为我是值得尊敬的。
And it's a weird thing.
这是一件很奇怪的事情。
Like, I hate that I still have to talk about the world this way.
就像，我讨厌我仍然必须以这种方式谈论世界。
But when you're the only woman at the table, or one of two women at a table, and they're all, like, old, older white dudes, CEO types who, in a certain way, have your future in their hands.
但是，当你是餐桌上唯一的女性，或者餐桌上的两名女性之一时，他们都是，年长的白人，CEO类型的人，在某种程度上，他们掌握着你的未来。
It doesn't feel great.
感觉不太好。
In the ballroom of maybe 500 guests, they're seated at the main table, front and center.
在大约有 500 名宾客的宴会厅中，他们坐在主桌前排和中间。
During dinner, Jane's looking for her opportunity to shine, a moment when they'll get to know her better.
晚餐期间，简正在寻找表现自己的机会，这是他们可以更好地了解她的时刻。
But it's not coming.
但它不会来。
The CEO guys are all talking over her.
CEO们都在议论她。
There's no moment to jump into the conversation.
没有时间介入谈话。
No one seems curious about her at all.
似乎没有人对她感到好奇。
So they get to the auction portion, or the fundraiser portion, of the evening.
因此，他们进入了当晚的拍卖部分或筹款部分。
And there's a person up onstage who's calling the auction.
台上有一个人正在召集拍卖。
And they say, all right, let's get things kicked off here.
他们说，好吧，让我们从这里开始吧。
Jane has an idea.
简有一个主意。
One time-- the only other time she's been to a gala-- they'd had an auction too.
有一次——这是她参加晚会的唯一一次——他们也举办了一场拍卖会。
And to surprise her table, as a joke, when they started the bidding, before any of the celebrities that night-- Lady Gaga or Angela Bassett or Heidi Klum-- could get in a bid, Jane raised her paddle.
开个玩笑，为了给她的桌子带来惊喜，当他们开始竞标时，在当晚的任何名人——Lady Gaga、安吉拉·贝塞特或海蒂·克鲁姆——可以参与竞标之前，简举起了桨。
It was for an item that was tens of thousands of dollars.
这是一件价值数万美元的物品。
Jane was broke.
简破产了。
Her friends at the table knew she couldn't afford it.
她同桌的朋友都知道她买不起。
But she figured, I'm surrounded by rich people.
但她想，我周围都是有钱人。
Someone will absolutely outbid me.
有人绝对会出价高于我。
And they did.
他们做到了。
The item went for hundreds of thousands of dollars.
这件物品售价数十万美元。
Everyone thought it was hilarious.
大家都觉得很好笑。
So she looked at this table of CEOs and thinks--
所以她看着这张首席执行官表并想——
I know how to spice up the evening because I've done it before.
我知道如何让夜晚变得有趣，因为我以前就这么做过。
I'm going to throw my paddle up again.
我要再次举起桨。
I'm going to throw my paddle up again, get things cranking, have a funny story for our table to laugh about.
我要再次举起桨，让事情开始运转，讲一个有趣的故事让我们的桌子开怀大笑。
And so they opened the bidding.
于是他们开始招标。
And what I hear is, we're going to start the bidding out at $25,000.
据我所知，我们将以 25,000 美元起价。
And I shoot my paddle up in the air with the same confidence that it'll get outbid immediately and then we're moving on.
我把桨举向空中，同样有信心它会立即被超越，然后我们继续前进。
And then we're cooking with gas, and everybody's like, you're a blast, you know.
然后我们用煤气做饭，每个人都说，你太棒了，你知道。
Jane feels a rush.
简感到一阵匆忙。
Ha, that was fun.
哈，那很有趣。
She waits to be outbid.
她等待出价被超越。
And I had somehow not heard that this round of bidding was really just-- it wasn't something that anyone else could bid on.
而且我怎么没听说这轮竞标真的是——不是别人可以竞标的。
It was not an auction at all.
这根本不是一场拍卖会。
It was a pledge.
这是一个承诺。
So it was a $25,000 pledge from the eight people sitting at my table.
所以，坐在我桌边的八个人承诺捐出 25,000 美元。
It all happened really quickly.
这一切发生得非常快。
After I raised the paddle, they were like, yay.
当我举起桨后，他们说，耶。
And they put the name of our table and everyone at our table up on this board.
他们把我们桌子的名字和我们桌子上每个人的名字都写在了这个板上。
There was a TV screen, a large TV screen hanging from the ceiling, and the name of the company I was with and our table number and the amount of my pledge.
那里有一个电视屏幕，天花板上挂着一个大电视屏幕，上面有我所在公司的名称、我们的桌号和我的承诺金额。
And I look over, and the one person I know best at the table, it looks like he's having hives, like an attack.
我看过去，桌上我最熟悉的一个人，看起来好像得了荨麻疹，就像发作一样。
Everyone else is just slack-jawed.
其他人都只是呆呆的。
Oh my god, Jane, what did you just do?
天哪，简，你刚刚做了什么？
What did you just do?
你刚才做了什么？
What did you just do?
你刚才做了什么？
And they're, like, mouthing this.
他们就像在说这个。
Or even just saying it out loud, depending on how close they are to me.
或者甚至只是大声说出来，这取决于他们离我有多近。
They all just stared at me and were like, how are you going to fix this for our table?
他们都只是盯着我看，问我，你要怎么解决我们桌子上的这个问题？
Sometimes when something embarrassing happens to you, you exaggerate it in your head, think it's a bigger deal than it was.
有时，当你遇到尴尬的事情时，你会在脑海中夸大它，认为这比原来的事情更重要。
But in this case, no.
但在这种情况下，不行。
I wish I could take this away from Jane and tell her her memory's wrong.
我希望我能把这件事从简手中夺走，并告诉她她的记忆是错误的。
Her memory's not wrong, because I'm here to tell you, yes, it was that bad.
她的记忆没有错，因为我来这里是为了告诉你，是的，事情就是那么糟糕。
It really was.
确实如此。
It was that bad.
太糟糕了。
You're not making that up.
这不是你编造的。
That's Adam Davidson, Jane's only friend at the table.
那是亚当·戴维森，简在餐桌上唯一的朋友。
He's the guy who broke out into hives.
他就是那个爆发荨麻疹的人。
As I'm remembering it, I just-- that feeling of wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
当我回忆起来时，我只是——那种哇、哇、哇、哇、哇、哇的感觉。
The universe is different now.
现在的宇宙已经不同了。
The universe is-- fix it, fix it.
宇宙就是——修复它，修复它。
We're off course.
我们偏离了航线。
[SIMULATED BUZZING] You know, like that kind of emergency.
[模拟嗡嗡声]你知道，就像那种紧急情况。
Right.
正确的。
So part of the panic is like, if I don't stop this, I'm going to have to pay $25,000.
所以恐慌的一部分是，如果我不阻止这件事，我将不得不支付 25,000 美元。
Uh, yeah, because I said I would.
呃，是的，因为我说过我会的。
What if there's no way out of this and I have to, like, max out all my credit cards?
如果没有办法解决这个问题，而我不得不用尽我所有的信用卡怎么办？
No, I really was like, can you-- OK, because I don't have auction experience also, I'm like, can you take it back?
不，我真的想，你能——好吧，因为我也没有拍卖经验，我想，你能收回它吗？
She decides to try.
她决定尝试一下。
At the other end of this giant ballroom, there's an exit.
在这个巨大宴会厅的另一端，有一个出口。
Jane thinks, there will be people in charge there.
简想，那里会有人负责。
They can help me.
他们可以帮助我。
So she bolts up out of her chair and heads there, fast as she can.
于是她从椅子上站起来，尽可能快地朝那里走去。
Through dozens of tables full of people, I mean, I really was having to be like, excuse me, pardon me, pardon me, excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, pardon me, excuse me.
穿过几十张桌子，我的意思是，我真的不得不说，对不起，请原谅我，请原谅我，请原谅我，请原谅我，请原谅我，请原谅我，请原谅我。
Like just, I gotta get out of here.
就像，我必须离开这里。
So I get through the double doors at the back of the room as quickly as I can, and it slams shut behind me.
所以我尽快穿过房间后面的双门，门在我身后砰地关上。
"Who's running the auction?" she yells.
“谁在主持拍卖会？”她喊道。
A volunteer points her to a woman with a laptop.
一名志愿者将她引向一位拿着笔记本电脑的女士。
Jane rushes over and explains it's all a mistake.
简冲过去解释说这都是一个错误。
I don't have money.
我没有钱。
The woman is surprisingly understanding.
女人的理解力出奇的好。
She says, "What would you like to do?"
她说：“你想做什么？”
What to do you want me to do?
你要我做什么？
And I was like, well, I just need to, like, I take it back.
我当时想，好吧，我只需要，就像，我收回它。
I can't spend that money.
我不能花那个钱。
And she was like, OK.
她说，好吧。
And then bleep, bleep, blarp, she's in her computer.
然后嘟嘟嘟，嘟嘟嘟，她就在电脑里了。
And I said, thank you, OK.
我说，谢谢你，好吧。
And then I walk back into the ballroom and I'm looking up at the leaderboard, essentially, of all the pledges.
然后我走回舞厅，抬头看着排行榜，基本上是所有承诺的排行榜。
And we're at the top.
我们处于顶部。
And then it disappears, right as I walk back in the room.
然后当我走回房间时它就消失了。
It felt like a spotlight was turned on.
感觉就像聚光灯被打开了。
Like the whole room turned around to look at you.
就像整个房间都转过头来看着你一样。
The whole room, it's record scratch.
整个房间，都是破纪录的。
And everyone knows that I just took $25,000 away from this charity.
大家都知道我刚刚从这个慈善机构拿走了 25,000 美元。
But, of course, it wasn't Jane's name that was on the screen.
但是，当然，屏幕上出现的不是简的名字。
It was the company's, the one she's hoping to work for.
这是她希望为之工作的公司。
So very quickly it wasn't, oh, Jane did this.
所以很快，哦，简就没有这么做了。
It was, our table did this.
是的，我们的桌子就是这么做的。
Again, Jane's friend Adam.
又是简的朋友亚当。
Adam Davidson And it wasn't like we went from first to second or first to third.
亚当·戴维森（Adam Davidson）我们并没有从第一名上升到第二名，或者从第一名上升到第三名。
We went from number 1 to, like, the bottom.
我们从第一名跌到了垫底。
So yeah, I was embarrassed.
所以是的，我很尴尬。
I think everyone at the table was embarrassed.
我想桌上的每个人都很尴尬。
Yes, we were embarrassed.
是的，我们很尴尬。
Wouldn't you be embarrassed?
你不会感到尴尬吗？
And so I get back to the table and I sit down and have kind of like a [FORCED LAUGH] "wasn't that"-- you know, like a nervous laugh.
所以我回到桌子旁，坐下来，有点像[强笑]“不是那样的”——你知道，就像紧张的笑声。
No one is enjoying that.
没有人享受这一点。
And so I just start focusing on anything but the people around my table.
所以我开始关注除了桌子周围的人之外的任何事情。
I'm just really intently listening to the auctioneer guy.
我只是在认真地听拍卖师的讲话。
And we have to watch this really sad video that's, like, a mini-documentary about the children that we're supposed to be there to help.
我们必须观看这段非常悲伤的视频，就像一部关于我们应该去帮助的孩子们的迷你纪录片。
And they dim the lights.
他们把灯调暗。
The movie is about 15 minutes long.
影片时长约15分钟。
The music is emotional.
音乐充满情感。
It's parents and their children with epilepsy talking about how scared and sad they feel, how much they need treatment.
患有癫痫的父母和他们的孩子谈论他们感到多么害怕和悲伤，以及他们多么需要治疗。
Sitting there in the dark watching this, this is the moment that hits Jane the hardest.
坐在黑暗中看着这一切，这是对简打击最严重的时刻。
It's not when everyone looks at her.
不是所有人都看她的时候。
It's when she realizes what she's actually done.
当她意识到自己实际上做了什么的时候。
She'd only thought of this evening as an opportunity for her to make an impression.
她只是把今晚当作一个给自己留下深刻印象的机会。
That was gross, what I did.
我所做的事情太恶心了。
It was gross and wrong.
这是粗暴且错误的。
And watching these children with this illness, on a big screen, I was just like, I am the worst person on the Earth, that I bid and then I took it back, and then I said no. [SNIFFLE] There's was a part of me that was like, oh, could I just take out a few more credit cards or something?
在大屏幕上看着这些患有这种疾病的孩子，我就想，我是地球上最糟糕的人，我出价了，然后我收回了它，然后我拒绝了。 [抽吸]我心里有一部分想，哦，我可以再拿出几张信用卡什么的吗？
And then it's like a tidal wave of what just happened and what I did and how mortifying it is.
然后这就像刚刚发生的事情和我所做的事情以及它是多么令人羞愧的浪潮一样。
Just the layers of, like, the reasons I should be embarrassed and criticizing myself.
只是层层的，比如，我应该感到尴尬和批评自己的原因。
You know, why would you even do that?
你知道吗，你为什么要这么做？
Why would you do that?
你为什么要这么做？
And then when you did do it, why would you try to get out of it?
当你真的这么做的时候，你为什么要试图摆脱它呢？
The answers to those questions are uncomfortable because they force Jane to see things about herself she doesn't like.
这些问题的答案令人不安，因为它们迫使简看到自己不喜欢的事情。
Embarrassment can do that.
尴尬可以做到这一点。
It can show you your blind spot.
它可以告诉你你的盲点。
It exposed a fatal flaw that I have to pay a lot of attention to now.
它暴露了一个致命的缺陷，我现在必须非常注意。
And what is that fatal flaw?
而这个致命的缺陷又是什么呢？
Jane Marie Um, hubris.
简·玛丽 嗯，傲慢。
Something about that made me feel like my confidence had bad consequences, that there was something bad about it.
这让我觉得我的自信带来了不好的后果，有什么不好的东西。
The night ends.
夜晚结束了。
She doesn't get the job.
她没有得到这份工作。
And she has it on pretty good authority that the decision boiled down to her big mistake that night.
她有充分的理由认为，这个决定归结为她那天晚上犯的一个大错误。
This stings, but that's not the crux of what that night did to her.
这很刺痛，但这并不是那天晚上对她造成的影响的症结所在。
It has actually changed a lot about how I act in public.
它实际上改变了我在公共场合的行为方式。
I'm just much more self-conscious after that.
在那之后我变得更加自我意识。
Really?
真的吗？
Jane Marie Like, I used to get super pumped about going to a party.
简·玛丽 就像，我过去常常因为去参加聚会而感到非常兴奋。
And now that's kind of fraught.
现在这有点令人担忧。
I know this is going to sound counterintuitive, but I've started leaving the house sometimes without makeup because it's like I don't want people thinking that I'm thinking about what they're thinking, if that makes sense.
我知道这听起来有悖常理，但我有时会不化妆就出门，因为我不想让人们认为我正在考虑他们的想法，如果这有意义的话。
I don't want anyone to think I put makeup on for them.
我不想让任何人认为我为他们化妆。
But this is just like the weirdest stuff that now pops into my head about what other people are thinking, where I wish I just didn't care.
但这就像现在出现在我脑海中的关于其他人在想什么的最奇怪的东西，我希望我不在乎。
I've always been that way, worrying what other people are thinking about me.
我一直都是这样，担心别人怎么看我。
And I can't imagine what it would be like to discover this as a full-on adult.
我无法想象作为一个完整的成年人发现这一点会是什么样子。
Jane says everything feels different to her now.
简说现在她感觉一切都不同了。
I feel completely neutered a lot of the time.
很多时候我感觉自己完全绝育了。
Really?
真的吗？
Jane Marie Yeah, I do.
简·玛丽 是的，我愿意。
I feel like it made me second guess myself a lot, I guess.
我觉得这让我对自己产生了很多怀疑。
I used to write essays about parenting and sex.
我曾经写过关于养育和性的文章。
And I would give advice and I would go on radio shows.
我会提供建议，还会上广播节目。
And now I'm just like, shut up, Jane, shut up, Jane, shut up, Jane, shut up, Jane, shut up.
现在我就像，闭嘴，简，闭嘴，简，闭嘴，简，闭嘴，简，闭嘴。
No one is asking and no one wants to hear it.
没有人问，也没有人想听。
That's crazy to me that you can do something embarrassing once, and suddenly you have that inner policeman for the rest of your life.
对我来说，这太疯狂了，你可以做一次令人尴尬的事情，突然之间你的余生就拥有了那个内心的警察。
Is there anything that can make it go away, you think?
你认为有什么可以让它消失吗？
I don't know.
我不知道。
What could change it?
什么可以改变它？
I don't know.
我不知道。
I just don't even have the desire.
我只是连这个欲望都没有。
It's like, why would I want to change it, so that I could, like, put another ball gown on and go embarrass myself in front of a bunch of people?
就像，为什么我要改变它，这样我就可以，比如，穿上另一件舞会礼服，在一群人面前让自己难堪？
Like no, that doesn't sound fun.
就像不，这听起来并不有趣。
You know?
你知道？
It doesn't sound fun anymore.
听起来不再有趣了。
Like, I don't think that the lesson I learned was necessarily all bad.
就像，我不认为我学到的教训一定都是坏的。
And honestly, when I think about the old version of me, it was kind of gross, in a way, you know?
老实说，当我想到旧版本的我时，在某种程度上，这有点恶心，你知道吗？
It's kind of obnoxious.
这有点令人讨厌。
It's like, that's a baby.
就像，那是一个婴儿。
I'd honestly never thought of embarrassment as being helpful to anyone.
老实说，我从来不认为尴尬对任何人都有帮助。
It pummels us, humiliates us.
它打击我们、羞辱我们。
But Jane's glad this happened to her.
但简很高兴这件事发生在她身上。
She's glad for her new, awful self-consciousness.
她为自己新的、可怕的自我意识感到高兴。
She says her ego is smaller now, which means that with everyone in her life, she's quicker to admit when she's wrong and apologize.
她说她现在的自尊心变小了，这意味着对于她生活中的每个人来说，当她错了时，她会更快地承认并道歉。
And overall, she says it's calmed her down.
总的来说，她说这让她平静下来。
She observes more, hangs back, never wants to be the center of attention-- which, she says, is a lot less hectic.
她观察更多，犹豫不决，从不想成为关注的焦点——她说，这样就不那么忙碌了。
Jane Marie is the host of the podcast The Dream.
简·玛丽是播客《梦想》的主持人。
Act 2, Judgment Day.
第二幕，审判日。
Part of the reason I'm interested in embarrassment is because of this realization I had recently.
我对尴尬感兴趣的部分原因是我最近意识到这一点。
I'm so embarrassed of myself all the time.
我总是为自己感到尴尬。
At least once a day, I break out into a rash from embarrassment, like a couple of days ago when I learned from a coworker that all my life I've been mispronouncing the word "incongruous." See?
每天至少有一次，我会因为尴尬而爆发出皮疹，就像几天前，当我从同事那里得知我一生都在错误地发音“不协调”这个词时。看？
I get embarrassed when I think people are looking at my eyebrows or when other people see my dog poop.
当我认为人们在看我的眉毛或当其他人看到我的狗便便时，我会感到尴尬。
Embarrassment is on me all the time, and I want to get it off.
尴尬一直困扰着我，我想摆脱它。
And one of the ways my obsession with embarrassment has played out in the last few months is I'm in a group chat dedicated to it.
在过去的几个月里，我对尴尬的痴迷的表现之一就是我参加了一个专门讨论尴尬的群聊。
There are four of us in it.
里面有我们四个人。
One of the people, Kiese Laymon, I only met when we started this group.
其中一个人，Kiese Laymon，我是在我们成立这个小组时才认识的。
Any time we feel embarrassed or do something embarrassing, we write to each other.
每当我们感到尴尬或做了一些令人尴尬的事情时，我们都会给对方写信。
It's how I know we've both worn Spanx for decades, or that he's self-conscious of his hairline or how he walks.
这就是我知道我们都穿紧身裤几十年了，或者他对自己的发际线或走路方式很在意的原因。
These little secrets, you'd never know about someone otherwise.
这些小秘密，否则你永远不会知道别人的事。
Sometimes we swap stories of past embarrassments, like the time Kiese was teaching a class at Vassar College on hip-hop as literature, and the alumni magazine wanted to do a story on him.
有时我们会交换过去尴尬的故事，比如基泽在瓦萨学院教授嘻哈文学课程时，校友杂志想为他做一篇报道。
This was back when he was in his 20s.
那是在他20多岁的时候。
They did the interview, and then a photographer comes to take his picture.
他们接受了采访，然后一位摄影师来给他拍照。
So, we're in the library, and I'm like, where do you need me to stand?
所以，我们在图书馆，我想，你需要我站在哪里？
And they're like, well, could you crouch?
他们就像，好吧，你能蹲下吗？
And I was like, huh?
我当时想，嗯？
I ain't never crouched for the photographs before.
我以前从来没有蹲下来拍照。
And they were like, you know, crouch and, like, do something cool with your hands.
他们就像，你知道，蹲下，然后用手做一些很酷的事情。
And I was like, what do you-- what do you want me to do?
我当时想，你想让我做什么？
And then the lady says, could you do rap hands?
然后那位女士说，你能做说唱吗？
And I'm just like, wait a minute now.
我就想，等一下。
You want me to do rap hands in a picture that's going to accompany an article about my teaching hip-hop as literature and hip-hop and literature?
你想让我在一张照片中做说唱，并附在一篇关于我教授嘻哈文学以及嘻哈与文学的文章中吗？
And you know my stupid ass did that shit?
你知道是我的蠢货干的吗？
Like, I'm doing rap hands, fam.
就像，我在做说唱，家人。
Like, I can't lie to you.
就像，我不能对你撒谎。
So then the fucking article comes out and my students, particularly my Black students, are like, bruh, you teach about representation, stereotypes, fetishization.
然后那篇他妈的文章出来了，我的学生，尤其是我的黑人学生，就像，兄弟，你教关于代表性、刻板印象、恋物癖。
There's nothing ironic about this picture.
这张照片没有什么讽刺之处。
You look like a fucking fool, wannabe rapper/professor doing crouch rap hands.
你看起来就像个傻瓜，想成为说唱歌手/教授，蹲下说唱。
I know so many of Kiese's day-to-day screw-ups from our embarrassment group.
我从我们的尴尬小组中知道了基斯日常的很多失误。
But it's funny.
但这很有趣。
I never asked him an obvious question.
我从来没有问过他一个明显的问题。
All right, so I guess-- I think-- you know, I'm coming into this totally blind, so I don't know what you're about to tell me.
好吧，所以我想——我想——你知道，我完全是盲目的，所以我不知道你要告诉我什么。
What's your most embarrassing story?
你最尴尬的故事是什么？
My most embarrassing story has to do with Heavy.
我最尴尬的故事与机枪手有关。
So I wrote this book called Heavy.
所以我写了这本书叫Heavy。
I've been spending my entire life trying to write it.
我一生都在努力写它。
And I needed to write it to help my relationship with my mother and my relationship with my body.
我需要写它来帮助我与母亲的关系以及我与身体的关系。
But also, it's a book that I wanted my grandmama to really be proud of.
而且，我希望我的祖母真正为这本书感到自豪。
The New York Times names Heavy one of the best 50 memoirs in the last 50 years.
《纽约时报》将《Heavy》评为过去 50 年来最好的 50 部回忆录之一。
A lot of the book is about Kiese's shame around his weight.
这本书的很多内容都是关于基泽对自己体重的羞耻。
He went from being 319 pounds to anorexic, getting down to 159.
他的体重从 319 磅降到了 159 磅，患有厌食症。
Then gaining it back, then losing some.
然后得到一些，然后失去一些。
By exposing everything about his struggle with his weight, he overcomes it.
通过揭露他与体重的斗争的一切，他克服了它。
Near the end of the book, he writes, "I am no longer ashamed of this heavy Black body."
在书的结尾处，他写道：“我不再为这个沉重的黑人身体感到羞耻。”
Something else he talks about, how important his grandma is to him.
他还谈到了他的祖母对他有多重要。
She's funny, the voice of reason in his life.
她很有趣，是他生命中理性的声音。
And she's one of the only people who's never on his case about his weight.
她是唯一几个从不关心他的体重的人之一。
In Heavy, he writes about his grandmother, "She responsibly loved me and never harmed me."
在《沉重》一书中，他写到了他的祖母，“她负责任地爱我，从不伤害我。”
He's disappointed her many times-- got kicked out of college, lost all his money to gambling.
他多次让她失望——被大学开除，赌博输光了所有的钱。
But writing this book was a way to prove to her he's not his failures.
但写这本书是向她证明他并不是失败者的一种方式。
And it's his attempt to fully explain himself.
这是他试图完全解释自己。
By the time it comes out, I think I had won a lot of awards that I did not expect to win.
当它出来的时候，我想我已经赢得了很多我没想到的奖项。
And with every award, I just was like, yo, my granny is going to be proud of me.
每获得一个奖项，我就想，哟，我的奶奶会为我感到骄傲。
Two months after the book is published, he flies home to Jackson, Mississippi, for Christmas.
该书出版两个月后，他飞回密西西比州杰克逊的家过圣诞节。
It's the first chance he gets to celebrate the book's success with his whole family.
这是他第一次有机会与全家人一起庆祝这本书的成功。
And he brings a stack of books, each of which he's signed with a dedication to each family member.
他带来了一叠书，每本书上都有他的签名，表达了对每个家庭成员的奉献。
He runs into the living room with a big smile on his face.
他跑进客厅，脸上挂着灿烂的笑容。
Everyone's there.
每个人都在那里。
He heads straight to his grandma and gives her a big hug.
他径直走向奶奶，给了她一个大大的拥抱。
She looks up at me, and then she looks over to my mom and she says, is this Kie?
她抬头看着我，然后又看看我妈妈，她说，这是基伊吗？
And then she's like, yeah, Mama, that's Kie.
然后她说，是的，妈妈，那是基伊。
And I said, Grandmama, what you asking am I me for?
我说，奶奶，你问我是为了什么？
And she just straight-up said, because you're so fat, baby.
她就直截了当地说，因为你太胖了，宝贝。
You look way too fat to be Kie.
你看起来太胖了，不像凯。
And she said it in front of my family.
她在我家人面前说了这句话。
She said in front of my little cousin, Nicole.
她在我的小表弟妮可面前说道。
And I just started sweating.
我刚刚开始出汗。
And I was like, what the fuck, what the fuck?
我当时想，他妈的，他妈的是什么？
Am I having a panic attack right now?
我现在有惊恐发作吗？
And at the time, I didn't understand why.
当时，我不明白为什么。
Like, I didn't think I was having a panic attack because of embarrassment or shame at my grandmother calling me fat.
就像，我不认为我是因为祖母称我胖而感到尴尬或羞耻而惊恐发作。
It was some combination of humiliation, shame, and embarrassment.
这是羞辱、羞耻和尴尬的结合。
Shame and embarrassment often get lumped together.
羞耻和尴尬常常混在一起。
But what makes embarrassment distinct is it's always tied to other people.
但尴尬的独特之处在于它总是与其他人联系在一起。
You need an audience to be embarrassed.
你需要有观众才能感到尴尬。
Like, I can be ashamed in my house by myself.
就像，我一个人在家里会感到羞耻。
Yes, totally.
是的，完全可以。
Kiese Laymon You know what I'm saying?
Kiese Laymon 你知道我在说什么吗？
Like, I can be in shame, like, a boiling pot of shame.
就像，我可能会感到羞耻，就像一锅沸腾的羞耻。
But embarrassment, to me, is much more dramatic.
但对我来说，尴尬更为戏剧化。
I feel like, when you ask me stories about embarrassment, they're all going to be stories about how somebody saw me.
我觉得，当你问我有关尴尬的故事时，它们都会是关于别人如何看待我的故事。
Because if I came in my house and there was nobody there but my Granny and she did that, it would hurt.
因为如果我回到家里，除了我的奶奶和她之外没有人，那会很痛苦。
I mean, it would hurt.
我的意思是，这会很痛。
But it would not come close to that hurt of having her say it in front of the entire family.
但这远不及让她在全家人面前说这句话所带来的伤害。
And the family doing their version of looking down.
一家人也做出了他们的低头行为。
You know, we're going to act like we didn't hear that, when everybody heard it.
你知道，当每个人都听到的时候，我们会表现得好像我们没有听到一样。
So I just walked right back out of the house, got in my car for a second, tried to get my breath right.
所以我就直接走出家门，坐进车里，试图调整呼吸。
And I had some Xanax because I was on book tour earlier, and I use Xanax to sleep on the planes.
我服用了一些 Xanax，因为我早些时候参加了图书巡回演出，我使用 Xanax 在飞机上睡觉。
[HEAVY SIGH] So I was like, yo, should I take a half a Xanax?
[重叹]所以我想，哟，我应该服用半片 Xanax 吗？
What the fuck is going on with me?
我他妈到底怎么了？
I didn't know what was happening.
我不知道发生了什么事。
So I didn't.
所以我没有。
I took the Xanax, one of the Xanax, and I went back in the house, tried to do it again.
我服用了阿普唑仑（Xanax），一种阿普唑仑（Xanax），然后我回到屋里，尝试再做一次。
Went back to my Granny.
回到我奶奶身边。
Walked in the room, Granny, hey, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
走进房间，奶奶，嘿，巴拉，巴拉，巴拉，巴拉，巴拉。
Kie, boy, I don't know how you got so fat, but you need to stop eating.
基伊，孩子，我不知道你是怎么胖成这样的，但你需要停止进食。
And I think the shameful part was, like, I could write all the books in the world I wanted to.
我认为可耻的部分是，我可以写世界上所有我想写的书。
I could write one of those books as good as I could ever write them.
我可以把其中一本写得尽可能好。
But I was still going to look and feel not just fat, but gross, to my family.
但在我的家人看来，我仍然看起来和感觉上不仅是肥胖，而且是恶心。
Did you also feel like you had, in writing a book and working as hard as you possibly could to look at this stuff, that you had overcome the capacity to feel so ashamed of yourself?
你是否也觉得，在写一本书并尽你所能地努力研究这些东西时，你已经克服了为自己感到羞耻的能力？
Yes.
是的。
I thought, in writing about, among other things, body and sex, fatness and sex, I did.
我想，在写身体和性、肥胖和性等话题时，我做到了。
I fooled myself into believing that I was delivered from it.
我欺骗自己相信我已经摆脱了它。
And I think when I came in the room thinking Heavy would shield me from their critiques, and being greeted, initially, and then my grandmother calling me fat, looking at me like I'm fat.
我想，当我走进房间时，我以为机枪手会保护我免受他们的批评，并受到欢迎，最初，然后我的祖母称我胖，看着我就像我胖一样。
Not seeing anything but a fat ass middle-aged man when she looks at me is kryptonite, is my kryptonite.
当她看着我时，除了一个胖屁股中年男人之外，什么也看不见，这是氪石，是我的氪石。
She'd always been the one person who'd never judged him.
她一直是唯一一个从不评判他的人。
And when he tries to make sense of this turnaround, the best he can come up with is, with the success of the book and the money it brought in, she now saw him as a man.
当他试图理解这一转变时，他能想到的最好的办法就是，随着这本书的成功和它带来的金钱，她现在把他视为一个男人。
And in her eyes, men were supposed to be productive and lean.
在她眼里，男人应该高效且精干。
He spends the next few days with his grandma, and she keeps bringing it up.
接下来的几天，他和奶奶一起度过，她一直提起这件事。
It looks like Kie ate Kie.
看起来Kie吃了Kie。
He's as big as a house.
他有房子那么大。
How did he get so fat?
他怎么胖成这样了？
And I just think that was embarrassing, to think that a book was going to change your life and make you not look and feel fat to your family and to the person who means the most in the world to you.
我只是觉得这很尴尬，因为一本书会改变你的生活，让你的家人和对你来说最重要的人看起来和感觉起来不再肥胖。
And the book didn't matter at all.
而这本书根本不重要。
Oh, it's crushing.
噢，真是令人心碎。
Kiese Laymon [LAUGHS] Oh, it's so funny.
Kiese Laymon [笑]哦，太有趣了。
I have to laugh my way through all of that.
我必须笑着度过这一切。
But yeah, it felt pretty crushing.
但是，是的，感觉非常令人沮丧。
But this isn't something he tells people in everyday conversation.
但这不是他在日常谈话中告诉人们的事情。
Honestly, when I asked him for his most embarrassing story, I expected the kind of funny story you tell at a party.
老实说，当我问他最尴尬的故事时，我期待的是你在聚会上讲的那种有趣的故事。
That's usually what he delivers when people start telling these kinds of stories, something more like Rap Hands.
当人们开始讲述此类故事时，他通常会传达这样的内容，更像是《Rap Hands》。
That embarrassment and the embarrassment I felt in my granny's house, in some way, I don't even know if they should be called the same word.
那种尴尬和我在奶奶家里感受到的尴尬，在某种程度上，我什至不知道它们是否应该被称为同一个词。
Because I literally-- like, I like telling that story.
因为我真的喜欢，我喜欢讲这个故事。
I've never told the story I told you about my granny because I don't like remembering that.
我从来没有告诉过你关于我奶奶的故事，因为我不喜欢记住这个。
I don't like telling it.
我不喜欢告诉它。
You know what I'm saying?
你知道我在说什么吗？
Totally.
完全。
I mean, because there's certain things that you can laugh at.
我的意思是，因为有些事情你可以一笑置之。
But you can't laugh at the thing that makes you want to die.
但你不能嘲笑那些让你想死的事情。
Yeah, I mean the embarrassing stories that I tell are always not true.
是的，我的意思是我讲的那些令人尴尬的故事总是不真实的。
Like, the drama of the story will be true, but I'm going to hide that mushy, sometimes toxic center that thinks telling embarrassing stories will make people like me more.
就像，故事的戏剧性将是真实的，但我会隐藏那个糊涂的、有时有毒的中心，它认为讲述令人尴尬的故事会让人们更喜欢我。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
So when I'm telling embarrassing stories, the part of the story I'm not telling is, I'm going to tell you all this story because I feel very fucking insecure and I want to make you feel or laugh.
所以当我讲令人尴尬的故事时，我不会讲的故事部分是，我要告诉你所有这些故事，因为我感到非常他妈的没有安全感，我想让你感到或笑。
So if I'm not telling that part of the story, I'm being dishonest in the storytelling.
因此，如果我不讲述故事的这一部分，那么我在讲故事时就是不诚实的。
And most of us aren't telling that part of the story when we tell these self-deprecating stories about whatever.
当我们讲述这些自嘲的故事时，我们大多数人并没有讲述故事的这一部分。
I'm only telling you this story because I want to control the velocity and pace at which you like me.
我告诉你这个故事只是因为我想控制你喜欢我的速度和节奏。
That's what I think those stories lack.
这就是我认为这些故事所缺乏的。
They lack the preamble.
他们缺少序言。
They lack the sad history that makes you need to tell a funny story in the first place, he says.
他说，他们缺乏悲伤的历史，而这些历史让你首先需要讲述一个有趣的故事。
And maybe that makes sense.
也许这是有道理的。
Who wants to bring that up at a party?
谁想在聚会上提起这个？
Kiese Laymon is the author of Heavy and Long Division.
Kiese Laymon 是《重除法》和《长除法》的作者。
Coming up, a date that ends in nudity, but absolutely not the kind that you might want.
即将到来的约会将以裸体结束，但绝对不是您想要的那种。
That's in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio, when our program continues.
稍后，芝加哥公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Elna Baker, sitting in for Ira Glass.
我是埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker），代理艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）。
Today's show, "My Bad." Today we're looking at embarrassing stories and what those reveal about us.
今天的节目是《我的错》。今天我们来看看令人尴尬的故事以及这些故事揭示的关于我们的事情。
We're at Act 3, Traumarama.
我们现在处于第三幕，《创伤》。
Like I mentioned earlier, we asked you listeners to share your most embarrassing stories.
就像我之前提到的，我们要求听众分享你们最尴尬的故事。
We got hundreds of Facebook and Instagram messages and nearly a thousand emails.
我们收到了数百条 Facebook 和 Instagram 消息以及近千封电子邮件。
OK, quick note, embarrassing stories can sometimes involve bodily functions, and we have one or two like that.
好的，快速说明一下，尴尬的故事有时会涉及身体机能，我们有一两个这样的故事。
If that's not your thing, don't say I didn't warn you.
如果那不是你的事，别说我没有警告过你。
Anyway, these stories you sent in, I invited the regular host of this show, Ira Glass, in to share those.
不管怎样，你发来的这些故事，我邀请了这个节目的常任主持人艾拉·格拉斯来分享这些故事。
So can I ask you something?
那我可以问你一件事吗？
Elna Baker Yeah.
埃尔娜·贝克 是的。
OK, you said earlier that you get embarrassed every day.
好吧，你之前说过你每天都会感到尴尬。
Really?
真的吗？
Oh, yeah.
哦，是的。
I had something really embarrassing happen to me two nights ago, per this show.
根据这个节目，两天前的晚上我发生了一件非常尴尬的事情。
What was it?
那是什么？
Elna Baker It started with tripping and falling.
埃尔娜·贝克 (Elna Baker) 一切都是从绊倒和跌倒开始的。
I was carrying a pizza on a plate and I tripped, and it fell face-forward onto the couch.
我正拿着盘子里的披萨，结果绊了一跤，它面朝前摔在了沙发上。
No, this is at the guy I'm seeing, right.
不，这是我正在见的那个人，对吧。
And it was, like, a white couch, so it stains.
它就像一张白色的沙发，所以会弄脏。
So I'm cleaning it up.
所以我正在清理它。
And then there was a perfect piece of mozzarella curl.
然后是一块完美的马苏里拉卷曲。
And, you know, it fell, so I shouldn't have eaten it.
而且，你知道，它掉下来了，所以我不应该吃它。
But I wanted to eat it.
但我想吃它。
So I picked it up out of the-- it was stuck in the couch.
所以我把它从卡在沙发里的东西里捡起来。
I picked it up and ate it.
我把它捡起来吃了。
And as I bit in, I realized--
当我咬下去时，我意识到——
[LAUGHS] It was not-- Elna Baker It was a full toenail, like, a big toe toenail.
[笑]那不是——埃尔娜·贝克(Elna Baker) 那是一个完整的脚趾甲，就像一个大脚趾的脚趾甲。
How does that look like mozzarella?
怎么看起来像马苏里拉奶酪？
Mozzarella has three dimensions to it.
马苏里拉奶酪具有三个维度。
A toenail?
脚趾甲？
(LAUGHING) It was the grossest thing I've ever done.
（笑）这是我做过的最恶心的事情。
I don't think that's on you.
我不认为那是你的事。
I think that that's on him for leaving the toenail in the couch.
我认为这是他把脚趾甲留在沙发上的错。
He should have been embarrassed.
他应该感到尴尬。
Yeah, but the needle that needed to be threaded for me to pick up a toenail and put it into my mouth, the sequence of events that would be the only reason I did that, happened seamlessly.
是的，但是我需要穿针才能拿起脚趾甲并将其放入嘴里，这一系列事件是我这样做的唯一原因，一切都无缝地发生了。
And was he watching?
他在看吗？
Elna Baker Yeah.
埃尔娜·贝克 是的。
He was embarrassed too.
他也很尴尬。
He was very embarrassed.
他很尴尬。
Because it was his toenail.
因为那是他的脚趾甲。
Elna Baker Yeah.
埃尔娜·贝克 是的。
He goes, that just doesn't-- it just doesn't seem like me.
他走了，那不是——这看起来不像我。
I was like, well, whose toenail is it then?
我当时就想，那么这是谁的脚趾甲呢？
Yeah, somebody broke into your apartment, cut their nails, didn't take anything, and left.
是的，有人闯入你的公寓，剪掉了指甲，什么也没拿走，然后就离开了。
I've been reading about that in the New York Post, happening all the time.
我一直在《纽约邮报》上读到有关此事的报道。
OK, but we're not here to talk about me.
好吧，但我们不是来谈论我的。
We have all of these listener embarrassing stories I want to share with you.
我想与您分享所有这些让听众尴尬的故事。
Yes, and I am very curious about what you found.
是的，我很好奇你发现了什么。
All right, so one of the things that stood out to me most from reading all these emails is that so many people wrote in saying, I'm the only person who could have possibly done this.
好吧，阅读所有这些电子邮件后，最让我印象深刻的一件事是，很多人写信说，我是唯一有可能做到这一点的人。
And then five emails later was someone in the inbox with the exact same story.
五封电子邮件后，收件箱中有人提出了完全相同的故事。
Really?
真的吗？
Elna Baker Yeah.
埃尔娜·贝克 是的。
Like, there were 16 women who wrote in with epic period fails.
比如，有 16 位女性写下了史诗般的失败经历。
Though I have to say, that's one you could kind of anticipate.
尽管我不得不说，这是你可以预料到的。
Yeah, but you couldn't anticipate that three people were mistakenly the reason that a bomb squad got called in.
是的，但你无法预料到三个人错误地成为了拆弹小组被召集的原因。
Or two people showed up dressed above and beyond to a costume party, only to find out that it was the wrong day, which also actually happened to me.
或者两个人穿着盛装出席化装舞会，却发现那天是错误的一天，这也确实发生在我身上。
So what was that like?
那么那是什么样的呢？
OK, so there are these, I guess, different categories of responses?
好吧，我猜有这些不同类别的回应？
Yeah, basically, like, the same things came up over and over again.
是的，基本上，同样的事情一遍又一遍地出现。
OK, break down the big ones.
好吧，分解大的。
I want to hear, what's the number one?
我想听听，第一名是什么？
So I would say the biggest one, the number one, was bathroom stories.
所以我想说最大的、排名第一的是浴室故事。
Like, a quarter-- a quarter of the people who wrote us, bathroom stories.
就像给我们写浴室故事的人的四分之一。
Followed by naked stories.
接下来是赤裸裸的故事。
That's number two.
这是第二位。
Elna Baker Number two, not to be confused with number two.
艾尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker） 第二名，不要与第二名混淆。
I will say that both of those are so basic.
我想说的是，这两者都是非常基础的。
I think that people get embarrassed by the things that you were told not to do when you were a kid.
我认为人们会因为小时候被告知不要做的事情而感到尴尬。
Like--
就像——
Don't be naked.
别赤身裸体。
Elna Baker Don't be naked.
埃尔娜·贝克 别赤身裸体。
And so those are the biggest categories.
这些是最大的类别。
And then what do the rest break down into?
那么剩下的又会分解成什么呢？
Little kind of like various piles.
有点像各种桩。
There's embarrassing yourself in front of a crush.
在暗恋对象面前让自己很尴尬。
65 people wrote in about that.
65 人就此写信。
Wow, 65 people?
哇，65人？
Elna Baker Yep.
埃尔娜·贝克 是的。
Or embarrassing yourself in front of your boss or a celebrity, 79 people.
或者在你的老板或名人面前让自己难堪，79 个人。
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
I like that those two are lumped together.
我喜欢把这两者放在一起。
Keep going.
继续前进。
Tripping and falling, usually at an important event.
绊倒和跌倒，通常是在重要活动中。
That was 35 people.
那是35人。
And then there were people who were caught in a lie.
还有一些人在撒谎时被揭穿。
All right, so tell me one like that, getting caught in a lie.
好吧，告诉我这样一个，被揭穿的谎言。
OK.
好的。
So there's this guy, Will.
所以就有了这个人，威尔。
He told a lie for very understandable reasons.
他出于非常可以理解的原因撒了谎。
In middle school, he's ruthlessly bullied for being Haitian.
在中学时，他因为是海地人而受到无情的欺凌。
Oh, wow.
哦，哇。
Elna Baker Yeah.
埃尔娜·贝克 是的。
And this is, like, during the height of the AIDS epidemic.
这就像艾滋病流行最严重的时期一样。
Our country actually banned people from Haiti from entering the US.
我国实际上禁止海地人进入美国。
Right.
正确的。
Elna Baker And there were jokes about Haitians on late night TV.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker） 深夜电视上有关于海地人的笑话。
And so, in middle school, Will is picked on all the time for being Haitian.
因此，在中学时，威尔总是因为是海地人而受到嘲笑。
He's beat up.
他被殴打了。
He's teased.
他被戏弄了。
So boom, I go to high school, ninth grade, new year, new location.
如此繁荣，我上高中，九年级，新年，新地点。
This is a location far away from my home.
这是一个离我家很远的地方。
New kids, new teachers, ninth grade going well.
新的孩子，新的老师，九年级进展顺利。
Two months in, getting some friends.
两个月了，认识了一些朋友。
And then, one of the kids asked me, yo, you got an accent.
然后，其中一个孩子问我，哟，你有口音。
Where you from?
你从哪里来？
I'm like, oh, shit, here we go again.
我想，哦，该死，我们又来了。
And so there's all the kids waiting for a response.
所以所有的孩子都在等待回应。
And I just remember, I'm like, yo, I'm Jamaican.
我只记得，我就像，哟，我是牙买加人。
And they was like, oh, whoa, yeah, mon, eh, bope, bope, bope.
他们就像，哦，哇，是的，蒙，呃，博普，博普，博普。
And I was like, oh shit, now I got to be Jamaican for the rest of my life.
我当时想，天哪，现在我的余生都要做牙买加人了。
And I just remember, during my conversations with people, I would just throw in Jamaican phrases like, yo, did you do you homework, bope bope?
我只记得，在与人交谈时，我只会加入牙买加短语，比如，哟，你做作业了吗，bope bope？
Where you going?
你要去哪里？
Yo, I didn't understand the lesson.
哟，我没听懂课程。
Blood clot.
血块。
You know, just saying that, just to keep up this Jamaican image.
你知道，只是这么说，只是为了保持牙买加的形象。
It sounds to me like you didn't even really know much about being Jamaican.
在我看来，你甚至不太了解牙买加人的身份。
I didn't know anything about being-- I knew very little about being Jamaican.
我对身为牙买加人一无所知。
I knew how they sounded from their music, but it was all just-- I took the stereotypes of Jamaicans and I became that.
我从他们的音乐中知道他们的声音，但这一切都只是——我接受了牙买加人的刻板印象，然后我就成了那样。
So he pulls this lie off for three years.
于是他就这样撒了三年的谎。
Wow.
哇。
Elna Baker Yeah.
埃尔娜·贝克 是的。
At school, he's the Jamaican kid.
在学校里，他是牙买加孩子。
But then, another Jamaican kid-- like, an actual Jamaican kid-- shows up and everyone's like, oh, you got to meet Will.
但随后，另一个牙买加孩子——就像一个真正的牙买加孩子——出现了，每个人都说，哦，你必须见见威尔。
Oh, that's not good for him.
哦，这对他不好。
Elna Baker Nope.
埃尔娜·贝克 不。
And then he just started questioning me.
然后他就开始质问我。
Oh, where you from?
哦，你从哪里来？
Where your family from?
你的家人来自哪里？
And I'm just making stuff up.
我只是在编造一些东西。
I was just freestyling it.
我只是即兴创作。
Then he paused and said, that boy not Jamaican.
然后他停顿了一下说，那个男孩不是牙买加人。
And I was like, oh, shit, oh, shit.
我当时想，哦，该死，哦，该死。
And I just said, no, no, no, no. You're from Jamaica.
我只是说，不，不，不，不。你来自牙买加。
I'm from Jamaica, Queens.
我来自牙买加皇后区。
I'm not even from Jamaica, Queens.
我什至不是来自牙买加皇后区。
I'm not from Queens at all.
我根本就不是皇后区人。
I'm from Brooklyn, East New York.
我来自纽约东部的布鲁克林。
OK, so that's people caught in a lie.
好吧，这就是人们被骗了。
Tell me another category.
告诉我另一个类别。
OK, so I especially love the category of embarrassing stories where people tried to avoid embarrassment.
好吧，我特别喜欢那些人们试图避免尴尬的尴尬故事。
And in doing that, they embarrass themselves.
在这样做的过程中，他们让自己难堪。
OK, so this happened to this lady, Mary Gray, from Murrells Inlet, South Carolina.
好吧，这件事就发生在这位来自南卡罗来纳州默勒尔斯因莱特的女士玛丽·格雷身上。
So she's a bridesmaid whose dress arrives, and it's way too small.
所以她是一名伴娘，她的礼服到了，而且太小了。
Day of the wedding, she convinces another bridesmaid, one size up, to swap dresses with her.
婚礼当天，她说服另一位大一号的伴娘与她交换礼服。
This dress fits, but it's tight.
这件衣服很合身，但是很紧。
And so she starts to get this irrational fear that if she's bulging out of her dress, she's going to upstage the bride and groom.
所以她开始产生一种非理性的恐惧，担心如果她从裙子中凸出，她就会抢了新娘和新郎的风头。
Oh, like people will look at her instead of--
哦，好像人们会看着她而不是——
Exactly.
确切地。
This cannot happen.
这不可能发生。
And then this idea hits her, Saran Wrap.
然后她想到了一个想法——保鲜膜。
So I go into the kitchen.
于是我走进厨房。
I find the Saran Wrap.
我找到了保鲜膜。
I get it out and I just start wrapping.
我把它拿出来，然后开始包装。
And I go around and around and around until I am cinched, and the dress zips up beautifully.
我一圈又一圈，直到我被拉紧，裙子的拉链拉得很漂亮。
And I think, yeah, this is going to work.
我想，是的，这会起作用。
This is actually genius.
这实际上是天才。
And out the door I go.
我走出门去。
So she's standing in 105 degree heat at the altar--
所以她站在 105 度的高温下的祭坛上——
Right, South Carolina.
对了，南卡罗来纳州。
Elna Baker --next to the bride and groom.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）——新娘和新郎旁边。
And there's a big crowd watching.
而且还有一大群人在围观。
And she just starts getting hotter and hotter and hotter.
她开始变得越来越热。
I can feel the sweat starting to kind of roll down my back.
我能感觉到汗水开始从我的背上滚落。
And I'm looking down at the floor and I'm seeing spots.
我低头看着地板，看到了一些斑点。
And I'm a fainter, so I know what that means.
而且我比较虚弱，所以我知道这意味着什么。
So, as subtly as possible, I turn around to my groomsman partner and I ask him to unzip my dress.
因此，我尽可能巧妙地转向我的伴郎伙伴，请他拉开我礼服的拉链。
And, of course, he has no idea what I'm talking about.
当然，他不知道我在说什么。
And he's like, what?
他说，什么？
And I said, I need you to unzip my dress.
我说，我需要你拉开我裙子的拉链。
So he does it.
所以他就这么做了。
He unzips my dress.
他拉开我裙子的拉链。
So now everyone knows that I'm wrapped up in Saran Wrap.
现在每个人都知道我裹着保鲜膜了。
And are you just mortified?
你只是感到羞愧吗？
Mary Gray I am just really focusing on not passing out.
玛丽·格雷 我真的很注重不要昏倒。
So I decide that I am going to take off.
所以我决定我要起飞。
She ducks away.
她躲开。
Her dress is open.
她的裙子敞开着。
She misses the rest of the ceremony, gets some water.
她错过了仪式的其余部分，只得到了一些水。
It's funny.
很有趣。
Her greatest fear was that she was going to upstage the bride and groom.
她最担心的是她会抢新娘和新郎的风头。
And so she does the Saran Wrap, and then that leads her to do exactly that.
所以她做了保鲜膜，然后她就这么做了。
She upstages the bride and groom.
她抢了新娘和新郎的风头。
Yeah, yeah.
是啊是啊。
She is the thing that everyone remembers about that wedding.
这场婚礼让每个人都记住了她。
From start to finish, I am my own worst enemy in this story.
在这个故事中，从始至终，我都是自己最大的敌人。
OK, so the most haunting story that came into our inbox was this one.
好的，我们收件箱中最令人难忘的故事就是这个。
And it's so embarrassing that the woman who sent it doesn't want us to use her real name.
令人尴尬的是，发送邮件的女士不希望我们使用她的真实姓名。
OK.
好的。
Elna Baker We're going to call her Maya.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker） 我们称她为玛雅（Maya）。
So Maya is taking the GRE this last year so she could apply to grad school.
所以玛雅去年参加了 GRE 考试，这样她就可以申请研究生院。
And because of COVID, she had to take it online in her home office.
由于新冠疫情，她不得不在家庭办公室在线进行。
But it's like a very regimented process, just so they know they're not cheating.
但这就像一个非常严格的过程，只是为了让他们知道自己没有作弊。
There's a proctor assigned to watch her through a webcam.
有一名监考员被指派通过网络摄像头监视她。
So before the test, I have to give them a little tour of my testing space.
所以在测试之前，我必须带他们参观一下我的测试空间。
I have to show under the desk, over the desk, the walls, just everything so that they know I'm not cheating.
我必须展示桌子下面、桌子上方、墙壁上所有的东西，以便他们知道我没有作弊。
So we do that.
所以我们就这么做了。
Everything is good to go.
一切顺利。
I start the test.
我开始测试。
So partway through the test, she has this pain in her stomach.
考试进行到一半时，她的胃部感到疼痛。
And she's like, oh, no. She's got to go.
她说，哦，不。她得走了。
And she's got to go now.
她现在必须走了。
So she manages to hold it until the break.
所以她设法坚持到休息。
But then, to her horror, the next break is just 1 minute long, right.
但接下来，让她惊恐的是，接下来的休息时间只有一分钟，对吧。
So she messages the proctor and she's like, can I leave and come back in a minute?
于是她给监考官发了信息，问我可以离开，一会儿再回来吗？
And he tells her--
他告诉她——
If you leave the frame, you will forfeit the test.
如果离开框架，您将放弃考试。
[GASP] Maya And so I'm sitting there, and I'm like, I don't know what to do.
[喘息]玛雅所以我坐在那里，我想，我不知道该怎么办。
Either I leave now.
要么我现在就离开。
I give up.
我放弃。
I go to the bathroom and don't take the GRE, give up grad school.
我去洗手间，不参加 GRE 考试，放弃研究生院。
Or I do what I actually did.
或者我做我实际做的事情。
What she actually does is she does the do on the floor.
她实际上所做的是在地板上做的事情。
Wait, while staying on camera, like nothing is happening at all?
等等，在镜头前，就像什么都没发生一样？
Exactly.
确切地。
She positions her arms on the chair.
她将手臂放在椅子上。
Stop with this mental image.
停止这种心理形象。
I don't want to see it.
我不想看到它。
Keep going with your story.
继续你的故事。
So this is surprisingly a category unto itself.
因此，令人惊讶的是，这本身就是一个类别。
We heard from four other people who had to make this same call during a standardized test.
我们听到另外四个人在标准化测试中不得不做出同样的决定。
And made the same decision?
并做出了同样的决定？
Elna Baker Yeah.
埃尔娜·贝克 是的。
Oh, they tried to hold it and it didn't work for them.
哦，他们试图抓住它，但这对他们不起作用。
So what happens?
那么会发生什么呢？
Elna Baker So she assumes the worst of it is over.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）所以她认为最糟糕的时期已经过去了。
She makes it all the way to the next break.
她一直坚持到下一个休息时间。
It's a 10-minute break.
这是一个10分钟的休息时间。
She's allowed to leave the room.
她被允许离开房间。
But quickly, I realized that at the end of the 10-minute break I had to once again give them this web cam tour of my testing area, including under my desk.
但很快，我意识到在 10 分钟休息结束时，我必须再次通过网络摄像头让他们参观我的测试区域，包括我的桌子下面。
Oh my god, no. Maya So I realize, OK, the 10-minute break means cleaning this up.
天啊，不。玛雅 所以我意识到，好吧，10 分钟的休息意味着清理这个。
Keep in mind, the proctor is still watching her through her webcam.
请记住，监考人员仍在通过网络摄像头监视她。
So she has to army crawl across the room on the floor.
所以她必须在地板上大军爬过房间。
Oh, to stay out of the camera's sight line.
哦，要远离相机的视线。
Exactly, exactly.
完全正确。
Elna Baker But you got away with it, right?
埃尔娜·贝克 但你侥幸逃脱了，对吧？
Like, the proctor--
比如，监考官——
Well-- Elna Baker --never saw, had no idea.
嗯——埃尔娜·贝克——从未见过，也不知道。
So here's the thing.
所以事情是这样的。
I was telling this story to some friends over Zoom.
我通过 Zoom 向一些朋友讲述了这个故事。
And I'm sitting at the same desk where I took the GRE.
我坐在参加 GRE 考试的同一张桌子旁。
And I told this story.
我讲了这个故事。
And obviously, we're all laughing, whatever.
显然，无论如何，我们都在笑。
And then one of my friends kind of like quietly waits for everything to die down and then says, is that a mirror behind you?
然后我的一个朋友就像安静地等待一切平静下来然后说，那是你身后的一面镜子吗？
[GASP].
[喘气]。
Maya And it was.
玛雅 确实如此。
I have a full-sized standing mirror behind me.
我身后有一面全尺寸的立镜。
And so I went back to the door of the room and crawled all the way in and reenacted everything.
于是我回到房间门口，一路爬进去，重演了一切。
And all I could hear was them laughing.
我只能听到他们的笑声。
I wasn't even sure.
我什至都不确定。
I was like, could you see it or not?
我当时想，你能看到吗？
Could you see it or not?
你看得见还是看不见？
But they, like, weren't breathing.
但他们就像没有呼吸一样。
And so, eventually, someone said, yeah, you could see everything, for sure.
因此，最终有人说，是的，你肯定可以看到一切。
So the thing that sticks out to her about this story is it showed her new information about herself.
所以这个故事让她印象深刻的是它向她展示了关于自己的新信息。
The new information being-- Elna Baker Like, what lows she's willing to stoop to.
新的信息是——埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker），比如，她愿意屈身到什么低点。
That's so interesting, because I think of it in a much more positive way of how far she'll go to get what she feels like she needs to get.
这太有趣了，因为我以一种更积极的方式思考她会走多远才能得到她认为需要得到的东西。
That is not her take on it at all.
这根本不是她的看法。
That's one of the big things with these embarrassing stories.
这是这些令人尴尬的故事中最重要的事情之一。
People never take it the positive way, for the most part.
大多数情况下，人们从来不会以积极的方式看待它。
Oh.
哦。
Elna Baker They always take it the way where they're like, I knew all my life something was wrong with me, and now I know.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）：他们总是按照他们的方式行事，我一生都知道我出了问题，现在我知道了。
Now, forever more, me getting into grad school is tainted by this experience.
现在，我进入研究生院的经历永远都被这种经历所玷污。
The thing that I can't get over with this is that it was a choice I made.
我无法释怀的是，这是我做出的选择。
It didn't happen to me.
这没有发生在我身上。
It was a choice.
这是一个选择。
Does that make it better or worse?
这会让情况变得更好还是更糟？
I don't know.
我不知道。
(LAUGHING) I think so.
（笑）我想是的。
Ira Glass So Elna, you're somebody who's super interested in embarrassment.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：所以埃尔娜，你是一个对尴尬非常感兴趣的人。
Like, you've thought about it a lot.
比如说，你已经想了很多。
You've experienced it a lot.
你已经经历过很多次了。
Is there something that going through a thousand of these stories showed you, that you didn't actually know before?
通过上千个这样的故事，是否有一些东西是你以前不知道的？
People in these emails, they were tortured by these mistakes.
这些电子邮件中的人们，他们被这些错误所折磨。
Totally embarrassed and often carried them their whole lives.
完全尴尬，常常带着他们一辈子。
And sometimes they were really small mistakes.
有时它们确实是小错误。
And reading them, I feel like it just made me think, like, oh, actually, I think the problem is that we think we're not supposed to make mistakes.
阅读它们，我觉得这让我思考，哦，实际上，我认为问题在于我们认为我们不应该犯错误。
We think we're supposed to make it through this life without doing this, that, or the other.
我们认为我们应该度过这一生，而不做这个、那个或那个。
And if you just say, you know what, over the course of my lifetime, I'm going to trip and fall in public, my top is going to fly off when it's not supposed to.
如果你只是说，你知道吗，在我的一生中，我会在公共场合绊倒并摔倒，我的上衣会在不应该的时候飞走。
You just have to accept that that is part of it, that's part of the deal.
你只需要接受这是事情的一部分，这是交易的一部分。
I like that you're bringing this to a heartwarming ending.
我喜欢你给这一切带来一个温馨的结局。
I know that you're being sarcastic, but you're welcome.
我知道你是在讽刺，但不客气。
I want to share one last embarrassing story.
我想分享最后一个令人尴尬的故事。
Act 4, Putting the Bare Ass in Embarrassing.
第四幕，让光屁股陷入尴尬。
Of all the kinds of embarrassing stories you sent in, one of the most common ones was a situation where you were a little bit naked or all the way naked, in public.
在您发送的各种令人尴尬的故事中，最常见的故事之一是您在公共场合半裸或完全裸体的情况。
This is a common fear.
这是一种常见的恐惧。
One of the most frequent nightmares is the dream where you look down and realize you're naked in front of other people.
最常见的噩梦之一是梦见你低头发现自己在其他人面前赤身裸体。
Freud even wrote about it in The Interpretation of Dreams.
弗洛伊德甚至在《梦的解析》中对此进行了描述。
He called it The Embarrassment Dream of Nakedness, and said, quote, "I believe that the great majority of my readers will at some time have found themselves in this situation in a dream." When we feel embarrassed in our waking life, we often have this dream.
他将其称为《裸体的尴尬梦》，并说道：“我相信我的绝大多数读者在某个时候会发现自己在梦中处于这种境地。”当我们在现实生活中感到尴尬时，经常会做这样的梦。
The person in this next story, who wrote in from Nashville, has definitely had this dream.
下一个故事中的那个从纳什维尔写信过来的人肯定有这个梦想。
Her name is Cariad.
她的名字叫卡里亚德。
She personally has no interest in being naked in public.
她个人对在公共场合裸体不感兴趣。
In fact, even bathing suits are a stretch for her.
事实上，即使是泳衣对她来说也是一种挑战。
I think people who have pool parties are total psychopaths.
我认为举办泳池派对的人都是十足的精神病患者。
I don't understand why you would do that.
我不明白你为什么要这么做。
You know?
你知道？
I have since I was a kid.
我从小就有。
Luckily, there aren't a lot in England.
幸运的是，英国这样的人并不多。
But I used to come here to visit my grandmother, and people would throw pool parties.
但我以前经常来这里看望我的祖母，人们会举办泳池派对。
And I'd be like, why?
我会想，为什么？
And I still feel that way.
我仍然有这样的感觉。
Yeah, I don't want to go to the fucking beach for your goddamn birthday.
是的，我不想去他妈的海滩庆祝你该死的生日。
The story you're about to hear happened years ago, when Cariad was living in New York City.
你即将听到的故事发生在几年前，当时卡里亚德住在纽约市。
She had just started seeing this guy she liked a lot, an emergency room doctor, big personality, always smiling, reliable.
她刚刚开始见到这个她很喜欢的男人，急诊室的医生，性格大，总是微笑，可靠。
He told a lot of funny stories about the ER.
他讲了很多关于急诊室的有趣故事。
We're calling him Doug.
我们叫他道格。
The way she remembers it, they'd been seeing each other for about a month.
据她记得，他们已经见面大约一个月了。
They'd slept over at her place, and it's the first night she stays over at his.
他们在她家过夜，这是她在他家过夜的第一晚。
As Cariad is drifting off to sleep--
当卡里亚德渐渐入睡时——
I just remember being really, really tired and really needing to go to the bathroom.
我只记得我真的真的很累，真的很需要去洗手间。
And that was kind of my last thought as I was falling to sleep was, ugh, I really need to pee, but I can't be bothered to get up and find the bathroom.
当我快要睡着的时候，我最后的想法是，呃，我真的需要小便，但我懒得起床去找卫生间。
And then I had this dream that I really needed to go to the bathroom.
然后我做了一个梦，我真的需要去洗手间。
And I was looking for one and I couldn't find one anywhere.
我一直在寻找一个，但到处都找不到。
And I was pushing this big metal door, in my search for the bathroom.
我推着这扇大金属门寻找浴室。
And it was locked.
而且它被锁了。
And I couldn't get through, and I was really, really frustrated.
我无法通过，我真的非常非常沮丧。
And then, I woke up.
然后，我醒了。
And I was naked, standing in a stairwell, pushing against a big door that went from the stairwell into the rest of the apartment building.
我赤身裸体，站在楼梯间，推着一扇从楼梯间通向公寓楼其他部分的大门。
Oh my god.
我的天啊。
Cariad It was like my mind melted.
Cariad 我的心仿佛融化了。
The logic of the situation made no sense.
这种情况的逻辑毫无意义。
Cariad had sleepwalked out of Doug's apartment.
卡里亚德梦游着走出道格的公寓。
Apparently, she'd done this as a small child, just a few times, though she had no memory of it at all.
显然，她小时候就做过几次，尽管她完全不记得了。
And she'd never sleepwalked as an adult.
作为一个成年人，她从来没有梦游过。
So it didn't occur to her that that's what's happened.
所以她没有想到会发生这样的事。
I felt like I completely lost my mind.
我感觉我完全失去了理智。
Like, just, how am I here?
就像，我怎么在这里？
How is this a thing that is happening?
这是怎么回事？
How am I awake?
我怎么醒了？
Cariad pushes open the metal stairwell door and sees, to her relief, Doug's apartment at the end of the hall.
卡里亚德推开楼梯间的金属门，看到道格的公寓就在走廊尽头，这让她松了口气。
She runs towards it.
她跑向它。
And then I realized, like, I don't know if this is his apartment.
然后我意识到，我不知道这是不是他的公寓。
And I turned around and looked, and it was just one of those New York buildings, oh, just a bunch of apartments to each floor that all kind of looked the same.
我转身一看，这只是纽约的一栋建筑，哦，每层都有一堆公寓，看起来都一样。
And I realized I can't--
我意识到我不能——
This feels like a nightmare.
这感觉就像一场噩梦。
Cariad This was an absolute fucking nightmare.
Cariad 这绝对是一场噩梦。
Cariad approaches the door she thinks his Doug's apartment, though she's not sure.
卡里亚德走近门，她认为这是道格的公寓，尽管她不确定。
So what I decide to do is knock on the door.
所以我决定做的就是敲门。
And then I run away from the door, back into the stairwell, before they answer.
然后在他们回答之前我就跑出了门，跑回楼梯间。
And I put my ear to the door.
我把耳朵贴在门上。
I crack the door to the stairwell so I can hear them.
我把楼梯间的门打开，这样我就能听到他们的声音。
But I can't see them, they can't see me.
但我看不到他们，他们也看不到我。
This way, if it's a voice I recognize, I can run around the corner and into the apartment.
这样，如果是我认出的声音，我就可以绕过拐角进入公寓。
And if it's a voice I don't recognize, they won't see me.
如果是我不认识的声音，他们就不会看到我。
And hopefully they'll just close the door.
希望他们会关上门。
Thank you, thank you.
谢谢，谢谢。
So I do that, and it is not a voice I recognize.
所以我就这么做了，但那不是我认识的声音。
And I start to realize the depth of the horror of the situation that I'm in.
我开始意识到我所处的处境有多么可怕。
People are going to start getting up and going to work, and I cannot be there when that happens.
人们将开始起床去上班，而当这种情况发生时我不能在场。
By the way, I still really need to pee.
顺便说一句，我还真的需要尿尿。
Like, I need to pee so badly that it woke me up and made me sleepwalk, you know?
就像，我非常需要小便，以至于把我吵醒，让我梦游，你知道吗？
She decides the least conspicuous place to pee while naked is at the bottom of the stairwell, leaning against the door to the lobby.
她决定裸体小便的最不显眼的地方是楼梯井底部，靠在大厅的门上。
If someone tries to open the door, she can push back.
如果有人试图开门，她可以推回去。
And if someone's coming down the stairs, she'll hear them.
如果有人下楼，她会听到。
So she swallows her pride and does it.
所以她放下骄傲，做了这件事。
I was just so horrified.
我实在是太害怕了。
I was so horrified.
我太害怕了。
I remember very clearly just sitting down on this stairwell and just crying.
我记得很清楚，我坐在楼梯间上哭了。
This was just such a ridiculous situation that I couldn't get myself out of.
这真是一个荒谬的境地，我无法摆脱。
And if only I had been more aware of my surroundings, I would have known that he was in apartment 2B, or whatever it was.
如果我能更了解周围的环境，我就会知道他在 2B 公寓或者其他什么地方。
Like, how could I have not paid attention in the lift?
比如，我在电梯里怎么可能没注意呢？
And I remember drying my eyes and, like, I couldn't even wipe my nose on my sleeve.
我记得我擦干了眼睛，就像，我什至无法用袖子擦鼻子。
I'm wiping my nose on my arm and just thinking, all right, buck up.
我用胳膊擦着鼻子，心想，好吧，振作起来。
You have to take control of this situation and fix it.
你必须控制这种情况并解决它。
You do not have an option.
你没有选择。
You just have to fix it.
你只需要修复它。
And so I started very gently trying all of the doors in the apartment building.
于是我开始非常小心地尝试公寓楼里的所有门。
Her hope is, whatever door she came out of will still be unlocked.
她的希望是，无论她从哪扇门出来，都不会上锁。
And I went systematically floor to floor and I tried every door.
我系统地逐层走访，尝试了每一扇门。
And on the top floor there was one apartment that I could hear voices in.
在顶楼有一间公寓，我可以听到里面的声音。
And they were having a great time.
他们玩得很开心。
It sounded like someone was having a party.
听起来就像有人在开派对。
If she can't find another solution, she thinks, I'm going to knock on this door.
如果她找不到其他解决方案，她想，我就会敲这扇门。
But first, she tries all the doors again.
但首先，她再次尝试了所有的门。
And then the answer occurs to her-- mailboxes.
然后她想到了答案——邮箱。
His name will be on his mailbox.
他的名字将出现在他的邮箱上。
She runs to the ground floor and sees through the door that the lobby is all glass windows.
她跑到一楼，透过门看到大厅全是玻璃窗。
There's no way to get to the mailboxes without everyone in the street seeing her naked.
如果街上的每个人都没有看到她的裸体，就无法到达邮箱。
So she heads back up to that party on the top floor, rings the bell, and then runs and hides behind the door.
于是她回到顶楼的那个聚会，按响了门铃，然后跑到门后躲了起来。
A woman comes out.
一个女人走了出来。
She's clearly tipsy.
她显然喝醉了。
Cariad calls to her, asking if she can come over to the stairwell, which the woman does.
卡里亚德打电话给她，询问她是否可以到楼梯间来，这位女士照做了。
How are you even able to, like, cover or hide yourself?
你如何能够、喜欢、掩盖或隐藏自己？
I mean, there really is no-- it's just that cartoon.
我的意思是，真的没有——这只是那部动画片。
One arm across your boobs and your little hand is a fig leaf.
一只手臂横在你的胸部，你的小手就像一片无花果叶。
I mean, that's all you can do in that situation.
我的意思是，在这种情况下你能做的就是这些。
Cariad explains her predicament and asks if she can borrow some clothes.
卡里亚德解释了她的困境，并询问她是否可以借一些衣服。
The woman seems totally unfazed.
女人似乎完全不为所动。
Like, of course, this happens all the time.
当然，这种情况经常发生。
She gestures for Cariad to come on in and walks back into the party.
她示意卡里亚德进来，然后走回队伍中。
Cariad's like, wait, no, no, no. But the door is closing, so she reluctantly follows.
卡里亚德就像，等等，不，不，不。但门即将关上，她只好无奈地跟了上去。
Five people are there.
那里有五个人。
They see her naked.
他们看到她赤身裸体。
Cariad dives behind a couch.
卡里亚德潜入沙发后面。
The woman brings her a tracksuit.
女人给她带来了一套运动服。
The whole party rallies to try and help Cariad solve this situation.
全党团结起来，努力帮助 Cariad 解决这一问题。
She describes Doug to them.
她向他们描述了道格。
The woman thinks she knows where he lives.
女人认为她知道他住在哪里。
They knock on one or two doors, waking up neighbors who are not him.
他们敲一两扇门，吵醒不是他的邻居。
They call Cariad's cell, no answer.
他们给卡里亚德的牢房打电话，无人接听。
Eventually, the woman tells Cariad to just sleep on the couch.
最终，这位女士告诉卡里亚德睡在沙发上。
Cariad wakes up at 7:00 the next morning, tries her phone again, and gets an answer.
第二天早上 7:00 Cariad 醒来，再次尝试手机，并得到了答复。
And the person on the phone is not the guy that I had been with.
电话里的那个人不是和我在一起的那个人。
It's somebody else.
是别人。
And they're really angry.
他们真的很生气。
And he kept saying, what's your name, what's your name.
他一直说，你叫什么名字，你叫什么名字。
And I kept saying, I want to speak to this guy.
我一直说，我想和这个人谈谈。
And they wouldn't hand the phone over.
他们也不肯把手机交出来。
And I was getting really pissed because I was like, well, who are you?
我真的很生气，因为我想，好吧，你是谁？
Just give him the phone.
只要把电话给他就可以了。
And they said, what's your name, what's your name?
他们说，你叫什么名字，你叫什么名字？
And I said Cariad.
我说的是卡里亚德。
And then they said, what's your last name?
然后他们说，你姓什么？
And I said Harmon.
我说哈蒙。
And then this guy gets on the phone.
然后这个人就接电话了。
She means Doug.
她指的是道格。
Cariad And he's just like, what the fuck?
Cariad 他就像，他妈的怎么了？
Where are-- he's, like, really angry.
在哪里——他真的很生气。
It turns out, while Cariad been running around the hallways naked, he'd woken up in the middle of the night to find Cariad's clothes, wallet, phone, but no Cariad.
事实证明，当卡里亚德赤身裸体在走廊里跑来跑去时，他半夜醒来，发现了卡里亚德的衣服、钱包、手机，但没有卡里亚德。
It was like she'd vanished.
她就像凭空消失了一样。
I talked to Doug.
我和道格谈过。
He didn't want to be on the radio, but here's what he said.
他不想上广播，但他是这么说的。
He looked for her everywhere.
他到处寻找她。
He peeked into his roommate's room to see if maybe she'd accidentally crawled in their bed.
他朝室友的房间里看了一眼，看看她是否不小心爬到了他们的床上。
Then he opened the fridge, then the oven, before catching himself and thinking, why would she be in the oven?
然后他打开冰箱，然后打开烤箱，然后他意识到自己在想，为什么她会在烤箱里？
Next, he searched the building, outside the building.
接下来，他搜查了大楼内、大楼外。
Eventually, he called one of her friends.
最终，他给她的一位朋友打了电话。
They didn't know what to do.
他们不知道该怎么办。
He thought, she's been gone long enough with no clothes on.
他想，她已经走了够久了，还没穿衣服。
This could be serious.
这可能很严重。
By now, it was almost morning, so we called the police.
这时，已经快早上了，我们就报了警。
They showed up 20 minutes later.
20分钟后他们出现了。
He explained to them, I was out with this girl.
他向他们解释说，我和这个女孩出去了。
She came back here.
她又回到了这里。
She appears to be lost.
她似乎迷路了。
One of the officers started questioning him aggressively.
一名警官开始咄咄逼人地盘问他。
He's not certain if they were just jerks, but he remembers thinking they were probably more suspicious of him because he was Black.
他不确定他们是否只是混蛋，但他记得他认为他们可能更怀疑他，因为他是黑人。
It went from 0 to 100 fast.
从0到100的速度很快。
As Doug put it, I remember feeling like this is the most screwed-up situation I've ever been in.
正如道格所说，我记得感觉这是我经历过的最糟糕的情况。
This dude doesn't believe I'm telling the truth.
这家伙不相信我说的是实话。
Maybe he thinks I killed her.
也许他认为我杀了她。
Just as things were escalating, Cariad finally got through on the phone.
正当事态不断升级时，卡里亚德终于接通了电话。
Cariad takes the elevator down to Doug's floor.
卡里亚德乘电梯下到道格所在的楼层。
When she steps out, the police greet her.
当她走出去时，警察迎接了她。
She realizes this is who'd answered the phone.
她意识到接电话的就是这个人。
Once she explains her side of the story, they leave, and it's just Cariad and Doug.
一旦她解释了自己的故事，他们就离开了，只剩下卡里亚德和道格。
I think it took me a minute to recognize the gravity of what had happened to him.
我想我花了一分钟才认识到发生在他身上的事情的严重性。
But I think once I really realized that at one point in the evening he was a suspect, like, oh, they were not on your side.
但我想一旦我真正意识到晚上的某个时刻他是嫌疑人，就像，哦，他们不站在你一边。
That's funny.
那很好笑。
That's such a white person thing to think.
这是白人的想法。
Yeah, yeah, of course.
是的，是的，当然。
Of course it is, yeah.
当然是，是的。
You know, I felt the gap.
你知道，我感觉到了差距。
I felt how much we didn't really know each other, in that moment.
那一刻我感觉到我们彼此并不真正了解。
But I just remember saying I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
但我只记得说我很抱歉，我很抱歉。
Because he was genuinely very shaken up.
因为他实在是太震惊了。
And he, being the lovely guy that he was, he was just like, I'm just-- I'm glad that you're OK.
而他，作为一个可爱的人，他就像，我只是 - 我很高兴你没事。
But I have to get on with my day.
但我必须继续我的一天。
They never went out again, though mostly because he moved across the country a few days later.
他们再也没有出去过，尽管主要是因为几天后他搬到了全国各地。
This date had been planned as kind of a last night together.
这次约会是作为一起的最后一晚而计划的。
But they stayed in touch.
但他们一直保持联系。
A year later, when he came back to visit, he and Cariad went to dinner with his friends.
一年后，当他回来探望时，他和卡里亚德与朋友们共进晚餐。
The gentleman that he is, I remember we were sort of chatting, and he said, oh, I haven't told them about the story.
他是一位绅士，我记得我们正在聊天，他说，哦，我还没告诉他们这个故事。
And I said, oh, it's fine.
我说，哦，没关系。
If you want to tell them, you could tell them.
如果你想告诉他们，你可以告诉他们。
He said, no, no, no, no, no. I think he was worried about embarrassing me.
他说，不，不，不，不，不。我想他是担心让我难堪。
And then I went to the bathroom and I came back, and everybody was cracking up.
然后我去了洗手间，然后回来，每个人都笑了起来。
And he looked at me and he said, I told them.
他看着我说，我告诉他们了。
I told them.
我告诉他们。
I couldn't help it.
我忍不住了。
And we all laughed about it.
我们都笑了。
He also left that part out, in order for it to be funny.
他还省略了这一部分，以便让它变得有趣。
Since things came out OK in the end, they each tell it this way at parties.
由于最后事情进展顺利，他们在聚会上都这样说。
They leave out the fear.
他们忽略了恐惧。
So, most of the embarrassing stories I've heard and collected for this week's show, the person does something that results in their embarrassment.
所以，我为本周的节目听到和收集的大多数令人尴尬的故事，都是这个人做了一些导致他们尴尬的事情。
Like, we have this lady, she Saran Wraps herself for a wedding.
就像，我们有一位女士，她用萨兰包裹自己去参加婚礼。
There's someone who raises a paddle in an auction and it goes awry.
有人在拍卖会上举起牌子，却出了差错。
And so, I get why they feel embarrassed.
所以，我明白他们为什么感到尴尬。
But you didn't do anything.
但你什么也没做。
You didn't overstep.
你没有越界。
You didn't make a mistake, but you still feel embarrassed.
你没有做错，但你还是感到尴尬。
Yeah.
是的。
I suppose if you take blame off the table, it takes maybe a certain flavor of that embarrassment out.
我想如果你把责备从桌面上移开，也许就会消除那种尴尬的味道。
But it doesn't take the embarrassment away.
但这并不能消除尴尬。
There is something inherently embarrassing about running into a room full of people you don't know, naked.
赤身裸体跑进一个满是你不认识的人的房间，本质上是一件令人尴尬的事情。
It still happened to me, yeah.
它仍然发生在我身上，是的。
I suppose I should feel pretty bulletproof now, shouldn't I?
我想我现在应该感觉自己刀枪不入了，不是吗？
I think once something really so embarrassing happens, I do think you sort of cross that threshold somehow.
我认为一旦发生了非常尴尬的事情，我确实认为你会以某种方式跨越这个门槛。
And if that's OK, then why be embarrassed?
如果可以的话，那为什么要感到尴尬呢？
And for a long time, I would think, Cariad, you got yourself out of this situation.
在很长一段时间里，我想，Cariad，你让自己摆脱了这种困境。
You're not naked in a stairwell on the Lower East Side.
你并不是在下东区的楼梯间里赤身裸体。
You can figure this out.
你可以弄清楚这一点。
I like ending the show there, someone who wasn't just embarrassed.
我喜欢在那里结束演出，一个不只是尴尬的人。
She lived the experience that's like a metaphor for embarrassment, an experience most of us only know from nightmares, and came out better for it.
她的经历就像是尴尬的隐喻，这种经历我们大多数人只能从噩梦中得知，但她却因此变得更好。
I like thinking that's what embarrassment can do.
我喜欢认为这就是尴尬的后果。
Our program was produced today by me, Tobin Low, and Diane Wu.
今天我们的节目是由我、Tobin Low 和 Diane Wu 制作的。
The people who put our show together include Bim Adewunmi, Susan Burton, Sean Cole, Andrea Lopez Cruzado, Aviva DeKornfeld, Damien Graef, Chana Joffe-Walt, Seth Lind, Stowe Nelson, Katherine Rae Mondo, Nadia Reiman, Alix Spiegel, Laura Starecheski, Lilly Sullivan, Christopher Swetala, Matt Tierney, and Chloee Weiner.
制作我们节目的人员包括 Bim Adewunmi、Susan Burton、Sean Cole、Andrea Lopez Cruzado、Aviva DeKornfeld、Damien Graef、Chana Joffe-Walt、Seth Lind、Stowe Nelson、Katherine Rae Mondo、Nadia Reiman、Alix Spiegel、Laura Starecheski、Lilly Sullivan、Christopher Swetala、Matt Tierney 和 Chloee维纳.
Our managing editor, Sarah Abdurrahman, senior editor, David Kestenbaum, our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Sarah Abdurrahman，高级编辑是 David Kestenbaum，我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
Special thanks today to all the listeners who wrote in with their most embarrassing stories.
今天特别感谢所有写下他们最尴尬故事的听众。
Also, thanks to Lisa Pollack, Ari Saperstein, Henry Phillips, Will Sylvance, The Epilepsy Foundation, Kevin Allison, Franqi French, Kate and Aaron Anderson, Reagan Baker, Hope Rosenblatt, Brian Finkelstein, Elle Birkenkemper, Emmali Branton, Carmen Cuba, and Tara Westover.
另外，还要感谢 Lisa Pollack、Ari Saperstein、Henry Phillips、Will Sylvance、癫痫基金会、Kevin Allison、Franqi French、Kate 和 Aaron Anderson、Reagan Baker、Hope Rosenblatt、Brian Finkelstein、Elle Birkenkemper、Emmali Branton、Carmen Cuba 和 Tara Westover。
Our website, ThisAmericanLife.org, where you can stream our archive of over 700 episodes for absolutely free.
我们的网站 ThisAmericanLife.org，您可以在其中完全免费地观看我们的 700 多集档案。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to my boss, Ira Glass.
一如既往地感谢我的老板艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass)。
You know, he told me he does the same thing every Saturday night.
你知道，他告诉我他每个星期六晚上都会做同样的事情。
He watches the Eminem movie, 8 Mile, shotguns a tall boy, stares at himself in the mirror.
他观看阿姆的电影《8 英里》，用霰弹枪射杀了一个高个子男孩，盯着镜子里的自己。
And I just start rapping.
我就开始说唱。
Elna Baker I'm Elna Baker.
埃尔娜·贝克 我是埃尔娜·贝克。
Join us next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周请加入我们，了解更多关于《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。