738: Good Grief! - This American Life
You are using an outdated browser.
您正在使用过时的浏览器。
Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience.
请升级您的浏览器或激活 Google Chrome 浏览器内嵌框架以改善您的体验。
Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #738 | May 28, 2021 738: Good Grief!
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 738 集 | 2021 年 5 月 28 日 738：深感悲痛！
Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass I think when someone dies, when you're grieving, there are things that you expect to feel.
序言：序言 Ira Glass 我认为当有人去世时，当你感到悲伤时，你会期望感受到一些事情。
But sometimes grief can come out sideways, take strange forms.
但有时悲伤会以奇怪的形式从侧面显现出来。
I remember, I think the day my son died or the day after, I hit myself in the face.
我记得，我想我儿子死的那天或后一天，我打了自己的脸。
I don't know why I did it, but I gave myself a bloody nose.
我不知道我为什么这么做，但我让自己流鼻血了。
And there was a hospice worker there who'd been helping our family.
那里有一位临终关怀工作者一直在帮助我们一家人。
And she said to my mom-- she was like, oh, yeah, that's normal.
她对我妈妈说——她说，哦，是的，这很正常。
Don't worry about that.
不用担心这个。
Yeah.
是的。
[LAUGHS] I couldn't believe that my baby had died.
[笑]我简直不敢相信我的孩子死了。
And I just punched myself, yeah, in the nose.
我刚刚打了自己一拳，是的，打在鼻子上。
This is Rob Delaney.
这是罗布·德莱尼。
His son Henry was about to turn three when he died from a brain tumor.
他的儿子亨利在即将三岁的时候死于脑瘤。
And Rob says the grief that he felt was physical, like physical pain and fatigue and confusion.
罗布说，他感受到的悲伤是身体上的，比如身体上的疼痛、疲劳和困惑。
He forgot the PIN for his bank card, didn't recognize a guy who he worked with all the time.
他忘记了银行卡的密码，也不认识一直和他一起工作的人。
And he's talked about this publicly.
他公开谈论过这一点。
He's a comedian and an actor.
他是一名喜剧演员和演员。
He's currently on a TV show that he co-created called Catastrophe.
他目前正在参加一个由他共同创作的电视节目《灾难》。
And he talks about his son's death when he's asked, hoping that it might be useful or comforting in some small way to other parents going through this.
当被问及儿子的死亡时，他谈到了他儿子的死，希望这对其他正在经历这件事的父母有帮助或带来一些安慰。
And it's interesting when he discusses his son's death.
当他讨论儿子的死时，很有趣。
In public, he is pretty even-keeled, except when he gets on the subject of how people in his life reacted to Henry's death, how it was hard for some people to acknowledge what had happened.
在公开场合，他表现得相当平静，除了当他谈到他生活中的人们对亨利的死有何反应，以及有些人如何难以承认发生的事情时。
Here he is on a British talk show.
这是他在英国脱口秀节目中的表现。
So my wife was pregnant, for example, when Henry died, OK?
例如，当亨利去世时，我的妻子怀孕了，好吗？
And there were some people who would find out about that.
有些人会发现这一点。
And I have never seen such relief on people's faces.
我从来没有在人们的脸上看到过如此轻松的表情。
They'd be like, oh, so another big thing-- so I don't have to talk about his dead baby.
他们会说，哦，又是一件大事——所以我不必谈论他死去的孩子。
I can talk about his new shiny baby that's coming.
我可以谈谈他即将出生的闪亮宝宝。
And I wanted to kill those people because, I mean, that's not news.
我想杀了那些人，因为我的意思是，这不是什么新闻。
It's great, but we all know pregnant people.
这很棒，但我们都认识怀孕的人。
Big whoop, you know?
大呼，你知道吗？
People get pregnant.
人们怀孕了。
But my fucking two-year-old, a little bit before his third birthday, he died in my home on my couch.
但我他妈的两岁的孩子，就在他三岁生日前不久，他死在我家的沙发上。
When Rob was nice enough to come into the studio to talk to me about all this.
当罗布很友善地走进工作室和我谈论这一切时。
He told me he gets it.
他告诉我他明白了。
Seeing somebody in pain makes lots of people uncomfortable.
看到某人遭受痛苦会让很多人感到不舒服。
They don't know what to say.
他们不知道该说什么。
They sidestep.
他们回避。
They avoid.
他们回避。
I'm sure in my own life, I used to do it in the past, too.
我确信在我自己的生活中，我过去也曾经这样做过。
But if you'd like me to, quote, "get over" not the death of my child, but, say, this wave of emotions that are making you uncomfortable, then the best thing to do would be to let them happen and let me feel them, and then they'll sort of dissipate organically.
但如果你想让我“克服”的不是我孩子的死，而是，比如说，这股让你不舒服的情绪，那么最好的办法就是让它们发生，让我感受到它们，然后它们就会自然消散。
And then we can carry on with whatever idiotic thing you want to do, you moron insensitive person.
然后我们就可以继续做你想做的任何愚蠢的事情，你这个白痴麻木不仁的人。
The least another person can do in the human family is to bear an ounce of my shipping container ship of pain by accepting that I'm upset, sad, angry, confused.
在人类大家庭中，另一个人至少能做的就是承受我的集装箱船的一盎司痛苦，接受我的沮丧、悲伤、愤怒和困惑。
Some people just have a hard time acknowledging death.
有些人就是很难承认死亡。
And that's true when they hear about somebody else's losses, and it's true when it's their loss to face.
当他们听到别人的损失时确实如此，当他们面临损失时也是如此。
When somebody close to them dies, they look away, avoid grieving, throw themselves into work, into drinking, distract themselves with TV, get stuck ruminating over feelings of guilt or shame that they could have done more for the person who died.
当亲近的人去世时，他们会把目光移开，避免悲伤，全身心投入工作、酗酒、看电视分散自己的注意力，陷入内疚或羞耻感的深思熟虑中，认为自己本可以为死者做更多的事情。
It's common to do that, and it's more common if your loss was bigger.
这种情况很常见，而且如果你的损失更大，这种情况也更常见。
And one of the reasons that I was so interested to talk to Rob Delaney is that when his two-year-old died, Henry, he did not do any of those things.
我如此有兴趣与罗布·德莱尼交谈的原因之一是，当他两岁的孩子亨利去世时，他没有做任何这些事情。
He did not look away from the pain.
他的目光并没有从痛苦中移开。
I think one reason that he was sort of inclined or able to do it this way is that he's sober, has been for a long time.
我认为他倾向于或能够这样做的原因之一是他很清醒，已经很长时间了。
This is something he's talked about in his standup.
这是他在站立演讲中谈到的内容。
He told me that when Henry died, some of the skills that he learned from years of sobriety -- where you try to face what is real as unflinchingly as possible -- those skills turned out to be very helpful.
他告诉我，亨利去世后，他从多年的清醒中学到的一些技能——你试图尽可能毫不畏缩地面对现实——结果证明这些技能非常有帮助。
So that when the incredibly intense storms of sadness and anger and confusion would come up, I didn't try to manage them or push them away, but rather to let them move through me as they needed to do.
因此，当悲伤、愤怒和困惑的难以置信的强烈风暴出现时，我不会试图控制它们或将它们推开，而是让它们按照需要做的那样通过我。
Knowing that you just have to go through it.
知道你只需要经历它。
I think it's really important to acknowledge it's going to be a real nightmare for a good long while.
我认为承认这将在很长一段时间内成为一场真正的噩梦非常重要。
And you're going to cry, and you'll probably puke sometimes.
你会哭，有时你可能会呕吐。
And I know that's not "the sun will come out and everything's going to be fine." I really try to not do that because there's going to be enough people that are going to blow smoke up your butt and waste your time.
我知道这并不是“太阳出来了，一切都会好起来的”。我真的尽量不这样做，因为会有足够多的人会吹你的屁股并浪费你的时间。
And I don't understand that approach.
我不明白这种方法。
So I do try to be kind of brutal when I talk about it.
所以当我谈论这件事时，我确实试图表现得有点残酷。
And I feel like the worse of a picture I can paint, then the better friend I've been to you.
我觉得我能画的画越糟糕，我就越能成为你的好朋友。
It's This American Life, by the way, from WBEZ Chicago.
顺便说一下，这是来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's radio show is going to be about people figuring out how to grieve, most of them kind of inventing it for themselves and mostly doing a decent job of it.
今天的广播节目将讲述人们如何表达悲伤，他们中的大多数人都是自己发明的，而且大多做得很好。
We got interested in this because we're at this moment right now where so many people are grieving.
我们对此很感兴趣，因为现在很多人都在悲伤。
COVID deaths are nearing 600,000 here in the United States.
美国新冠肺炎死亡人数已接近 60 万人。
The worldwide number is officially 3.5 million, but it might be twice as many as that.
全球官方数字为 350 万，但实际数字可能是这个数字的两倍。
So what helps in these situations for people experiencing the most traumatic kinds of grief?
那么，在这些情况下，对于经历最痛苦的悲伤的人来说，什么有帮助呢？
In Rob Delaney's case, it's now been three years since his son died.
就罗布·德莱尼 (Rob Delaney) 而言，他的儿子去世已经三年了。
And I talked to him about what he has learned over that time about what works and about what helped him.
我和他谈论了他在那段时间学到的东西，什么是有效的，什么对他有帮助。
Yeah, the most helpful thing for me has been other bereaved parents.
是的，对我来说最有帮助的是其他失去亲人的父母。
Because when you come together, more useful than any of the words that anyone said to me would be if I saw a parent whose child had been dead longer than mine had, and I saw that they were able to tie their shoes.
因为当你们走到一起时，比任何人对我说的任何话都更有用的是，如果我看到一位父母，他的孩子去世的时间比我的要长，而且我看到他们能够系鞋带。
Was their shirt tucked in?
他们的衬衫塞进去了吗？
Basic functions-- just watching them pick grapes off of a stem and eat them.
基本功能——只是看着他们从茎上摘下葡萄并吃掉它们。
And I thought if they can do that, then I'll be able to do that one day, hopefully.
我想如果他们能做到这一点，那么我希望有一天我也能做到。
Also, he says, in those groups with parents whose kids have died, they can say things out loud with each other that they can't say to most other people.
他还说，在那些孩子已经去世的父母的群体中，他们可以大声说出他们不能对大多数其他人说的话。
It was kind of funny, because things are said and happened in those meetings that would scorch the eyeballs of your average person who hasn't had an experience like that.
这有点有趣，因为在那些会议上所说的和发生的事情会灼伤那些没有这样经历的普通人的眼球。
I mean, I'm not going to generally talk about the physical circumstances of Henry's death and his body after he died.
我的意思是，我不会笼统地谈论亨利死亡时的身体状况以及他死后的尸体。
But with other bereaved parents, we can talk about that unbelievably precious time that you spend with your dead child's body.
但与其他失去亲人的父母一起，我们可以谈论你们与死去的孩子的尸体一起度过的难以置信的宝贵时光。
But if you were with your child when they died, caring for and attending to the body of your child after their life has left them-- are some very beautiful and loving conversations that we've had there that I couldn't have anywhere else, but that are very precious to me and to them.
但是，如果你的孩子去世时你和他们在一起，在他们的生命离开后照顾和照顾你孩子的身体——我们在那里进行了一些非常美好和充满爱的对话，这是我在其他地方无法得到的，但这对我和他们来说都非常珍贵。
Why do you-- why do you think it's so important to talk about that moment after your child dies, and you're there with your child's body?
为什么你——为什么你认为在你的孩子去世后谈论那一刻如此重要，而你和孩子的尸体在一起？
I mean, I guess it's like being to the moon of a distant planet.
我的意思是，我想这就像去一个遥远星球的月球一样。
It's somewhere you never think you would go.
这是一个你从来没想过你会去的地方。
So to be able to talk through that with another person is helpful.
因此，能够与另一个人讨论这个问题是有帮助的。
It reminds me of this thing that, when they treat trauma, one of the steps, one of the most important things is to go back to the moment that the person was traumatized and have the person talk it through and examine it and get their head around it.
这让我想起一件事，当他们治疗创伤时，步骤之一，最重要的事情之一就是回到那个人受到创伤的那一刻，让那个人把它讲清楚，检查它并理解它。
Yeah, I believe that, because I repeat to myself the story of my son's death in very simple terms of his illness and death.
是的，我相信这一点，因为我用非常简单的方式向自己重复了我儿子的死亡故事，即他的疾病和死亡。
And I say them out loud to myself when I'm walking around, walking down the street.
当我走在街上时，我会大声对自己说这些话。
My baby boy got sick.
我的宝贝儿子生病了。
We took a while trying to figure out what it was, went to a lot of doctors.
我们花了一段时间试图找出它是什么，去了很多医生。
They found out what it was.
他们发现那是什么了。
It was very bad.
情况非常糟糕。
It got worse and worse.
情况变得越来越糟。
And then he died.
然后他死了。
And he's dead.
他死了。
I can't even believe what I just said, you know?
我什至不敢相信我刚才说的话，你知道吗？
I know talking to you, the thing that I didn't understand before we started talking is just like, oh, you have to keep looking at it because it doesn't seem real.
我知道和你交谈时，在我们开始交谈之前我不明白的事情就像，哦，你必须继续看着它，因为它看起来并不真实。
It's just hard to believe it's real.
很难相信这是真的。
Yeah.
是的。
I mean, for me, it's as unreal as if the Martians landed on my front lawn.
我的意思是，对我来说，这就像火星人降落在我家前的草坪上一样不真实。
Rob says that, three years in, he knows he's doing better, though he said that he hasn't figured out how to talk about that publicly yet.
罗布说，三年后，他知道自己做得更好了，尽管他说他还没有弄清楚如何公开谈论这一点。
Because he thinks the message "you'll get better" is pushed way too much, and the message "this is going to suck, and you're going have to live through that" is not pushednearly enough.
因为他认为“你会好起来”的信息被宣传得太多了，而“这会很糟糕，你必须忍受它”的信息宣传得还不够。
He told me the waves of grief do still come, but they're less often.
他告诉我，悲伤的浪潮仍然会出现，但频率会降低。
And Henry's still on his mind a lot.
亨利仍然经常在他的脑海中浮现。
In fact, he told me he thinks about Henry as much now as he thinks about his three other children, like equal to the other children, so a fourth of that time.
事实上，他告诉我，他现在对亨利的思念和他对其他三个孩子的思念一样多，就像其他孩子一样，所以是当时的第四个孩子。
And he likes it that way.
他喜欢这样。
It still hurts, he says.
他说，仍然很痛。
But he wouldn't have it any other way.
但他别无选择。
Act One, Goodbye, Mr. Facey.
第一幕，再见，费西先生。
So a couple of months ago, the transit authority in New York City, the MTA, created a memorial for its workers who died from COVID.
因此，几个月前，纽约市交通管理局 MTA 为其死于新冠肺炎的工人建立了一座纪念碑。
The memorial is a video.
纪念是一个视频。
It's simple.
这很简单。
Picture after picture of each person, bus drivers, train conductors, cleaners, their faces in black and white.
每个人的照片一张又一张，公交车司机、火车售票员、清洁工，他们的脸都是黑白的。
Behind them, a solid color background.
在它们后面是纯色背景。
This, what you're hearing now, is the music that plays as they go by.
你现在听到的，是他们经过时播放的音乐。
And there's a poem, which appears in seven of the languages spoken on the trains and buses of New York City.
还有一首诗，以纽约市火车和公共汽车上使用的七种语言出现。
The video got passed around on YouTube and ran on video screens in some subway stations.
该视频在 YouTube 上流传，并在一些地铁站的视频屏幕上播放。
The MTA lost more employees than any agency in New York City.
MTA 失去的员工比纽约市任何机构都多。
As of today, 164 people.
截至今日，已有164人。
164 have disappeared from train lines and maintenance shops and break rooms.
164 人已从火车线路、维修店和休息室消失。
One of our producers, Chana Joffe-Walt, wondered what it was like for surviving transit workers to watch a memorial like this for the co-workers, people who died doing a job they're still doing.
我们的一位制片人查纳·乔夫-沃尔特（Chana Joffe-Walt）想知道，幸存的交通工人观看这样一场纪念同事的纪念活动，以及那些在仍在做的工作中死去的人，会是什么样的感觉。
Here's Chana.
这是查娜。
I talked to a lot of transit workers.
我和很多交通工人交谈过。
They had a lot of different feelings about this memorial.
他们对这个纪念馆有很多不同的感受。
They felt recognized.
他们感到被认可了。
They felt angry.
他们感到愤怒。
They felt exhausted.
他们感到筋疲力尽。
They felt lucky to have survived.
他们为能活下来感到幸运。
Some wanted to watch it over and over.
有些人想一遍又一遍地观看。
Some wanted all of us to watch it over and over.
有些人希望我们所有人一遍又一遍地观看。
Some couldn't bring themselves to watch it at all.
有些人根本无法观看。
One station agent told me she believed it should be in the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
一位车站工作人员告诉我，她认为它应该在大都会艺术博物馆。
For the purposes of this show, though, about grief, I want to introduce you to just one person I talked to about the memorial-- Francis Lai-Fang.
不过，出于本次节目的目的，关于悲伤，我想向你们介绍一位我曾就纪念馆进行过交谈的人——弗朗西斯·赖方。
Francis stood apart in his reaction to the video.
弗朗西斯对这段视频的反应与众不同。
His boss and mentor died of COVID, and he's in there.
他的老板和导师死于新冠肺炎，而他就在那里。
And the whole time we talked, Francis seemed to be in the middle of a feeling that he was trying to work his way through.
在我们谈话的整个过程中，弗朗西斯似乎一直处于一种他正在努力克服的感觉之中。
I met him at a shop.
我在一家商店遇见了他。
He works in hydraulics for the MTA.
他在 MTA 从事液压工作。
He's 52 years old, a manager.
他今年 52 岁，是一名经理。
He told me there's an office upstairs where we could talk, but it took us 40 minutes to get there, as Francis eagerly pointed to every fan, pump, and truck along the way.
他告诉我楼上有一间办公室，我们可以在那里交谈，但我们花了 40 分钟才到达那里，弗朗西斯急切地指着沿途的每台风扇、水泵和卡车。
What we have on this truck is going to be pumps to pump water out of any situation that we might encounter.
我们在这辆卡车上配备的将是水泵，可以在我们可能遇到的任何情况下抽水。
When there's an emergency, when water covers the subway tracks or snow blocks the stairs or platforms, the people in hydraulics jump in these trucks, race across the city, and clear the way.
当出现紧急情况时，当水淹没地铁轨道或积雪堵塞楼梯或站台时，液压人员会跳上这些卡车，穿越城市，清理道路。
Francis is a man who manages, somehow, after decades, to still be enamored with the objects of his daily work.
不知何故，弗朗西斯在几十年后仍然对日常工作的目标着迷。
And once that sucker starts running, 1,500 gallons a minute.
一旦那个傻瓜开始运转，就会达到每分钟 1,500 加仑。
COVID arrived here at the hydraulic shop in March 2020.
COVID 于 2020 年 3 月抵达液压车间。
One of Francis' workers came in coughing.
弗朗西斯的一名工人咳嗽着进来。
The next day, Francis was coughing.
第二天，弗朗西斯开始咳嗽。
Day after, he was in quarantine and getting calls from all of his co-workers-- all sick.
第二天，他被隔离，并接到所有同事的电话——全都生病了。
I was scared for them because you could hear it in their voice, you know?
我为他们感到害怕，因为你可以从他们的声音中听到，你知道吗？
And I would call every morning.
我每天早上都会打电话。
And I'm like, yo.
我想，哟。
Once they answered, I felt good.
当他们回答我的时候，我感觉很好。
Once the phone was answered, I felt good.
接到电话后，我感觉很好。
But if you didn't answer, my heart was starting to worry.
但如果你不回答，我的心就开始担心了。
Because it was just, you didn't know because people was dropping like flies.
因为这只是，你不知道，因为人们像苍蝇一样掉下来。
He said, yo, you heard about Facey?
他说，哟，你听说过菲西吗？
And I was like, please don't tell me.
我当时想，请不要告诉我。
Please don't say it.
请不要说出来。
No, no, no. And I just kept saying, no, no, no, no, no. And that's all I could say, was no, no, no.
不，不，不。我只是一直说，不，不，不，不，不。我只能说，不，不，不。
Clarence Facey, a 58-year-old superintendent from Guyana who cleared the vast subway system after numerous floods over numerous decades, had died.
克拉伦斯·法西 (Clarence Facey) 是一位来自圭亚那的 58 岁警长，他在数十年的多次洪水之后清理了庞大的地铁系统，现已去世。
He was nine months away from retirement.
距离退休还有九个月。
Francis met Clarence Facey three decades ago when they started in hydraulics.
三十年前，弗朗西斯 (Francis) 认识了克拉伦斯·法西 (Clarence Facey)，当时他们刚开始涉足液压领域。
Francis was 19 years old.
弗朗西斯当时19岁。
Clarence Facey wasn't that much older, but Francis looked up to him from the beginning, called him Mr. Facey.
克拉伦斯·费西年纪并不大，但弗朗西斯从一开始就很尊敬他，称他为“费西先生”。
He studied the way Mr. Facey focused, the way he talked.
他研究了费西先生专注的方式和说话的方式。
And in particular, Francis admired the way Mr. Facey could always keep his cool, even when he was disrespected.
弗朗西斯尤其钦佩费西先生即使在不受尊重的情况下也能始终保持冷静。
You could see that he's seconds away of just losing it, but he always had that way of just-- always liked to keep things nice and smooth and calm.
你可以看到他很快就会失去它，但他总是那样——总是喜欢让事情保持美好、顺利和平静。
He was the coolest cat.
他是最酷的猫。
I will go crazy over stuff.
我会为一些事情而疯狂。
He'd-- calm down.
他会——冷静下来。
Don't take it personal.
别把它当成是针对个人的。
He always said, listen, man, it's just a job.
他总是说，听着，伙计，这只是一份工作。
We're going to be here, and then we're going to be gone.
我们会在这里，然后就会离开。
They were mostly work friends.
他们大多是工作上的朋友。
But sometimes they'd go out with other West Indian guys from the shop.
但有时他们会和店里的其他西印度群岛人一起出去。
Francis is from Trinidad.
弗朗西斯来自特立尼达。
And for years, after their shift, Mr. Facey would give Francis a ride to the train station.
多年来，下班后，费西先生都会载弗朗西斯去火车站。
They'd chat about the property Facey owned in Guyana and how he planned to go back when he retired.
他们会谈论费西在圭亚那拥有的房产以及他退休后打算如何回去。
The memorial the MTA made, it serves partly as a marker, a way to say, here are our losses.
MTA 建造的纪念碑，部分是作为一个标记，一种表达我们的损失的方式。
It is now time to grieve them.
现在是让他们哀悼的时候了。
And Francis feels that.
弗朗西斯也有这样的感觉。
Yeah, it's been a year.
是的，已经一年了。
It does feel like it's time to grieve.
确实感觉是时候悲伤了。
But it hasn't come for him yet.
但他还没有到来。
He says it just never felt real.
他说这从来没有感觉真实。
From right after Clarence Facey passed in early April.
克拉伦斯·费西四月初去世后不久。
They had a service, right?
他们有服务，对吧？
But I couldn't go.
但我不能去。
I was quarantined.
我被隔离了。
Do you think it would feel more real to you had you been able to go to the service?
您认为如果您能够去参加服务，您会感觉更真实吗？
I know who I am in funerals.
我知道葬礼上的我是谁。
I definitely would have cried.
我肯定会哭。
There's always that one point where I just can't hold it anymore.
总有那么一点，我再也坚持不住了。
And I break down, and I cry.
我崩溃了，我哭了。
And I know how West Indians are.
我知道西印度群岛人是怎样的。
They always sing this one song.
他们总是唱这一首歌。
Oh my gosh, it kills me.
哦天哪，它杀了我。
It just brings the tears, but I still-- I still haven't shed a tear yet.
它只会让人流泪，但我仍然——我仍然没有流过一滴眼泪。
I've been close, and I was close.
我已经很接近了，而且我已经很接近了。
But I still haven't shed a tear.
但我仍然没有流一滴眼泪。
And it's going on a year and change.
一年过去了，一切都在发生变化。
And I know I will.
我知道我会的。
It's going to come one day.
总有一天它会到来。
It's going to come.
它会来的。
For the rest of our time together, Francis keeps circling back to this, the fact that he has not yet cried.
在我们在一起的剩余时间里，弗朗西斯一直在回想这一点，即他还没有哭过。
This is not something I asked about.
这不是我问的。
But he seems to be actively trying to figure it out.
但他似乎正在积极地尝试解决这个问题。
Why hasn't it happened?
为什么没有发生？
He couldn't go to a funeral in person, so he did not cry.
他不能亲自去参加葬礼，所以他没有哭。
Then there was the memorial online a few weeks later.
几周后，网上出现了纪念活动。
They had a service for him, but it was on Teams, like a video.
他们为他提供了一项服务，但是在 Teams 上，就像视频一样。
And they show him.
他们向他展示了。
And I couldn't believe it, but I still didn't cry.
我简直不敢相信，但我还是没有哭。
But I know me.
但我了解我。
I'm telling you, it's going to happen.
我告诉你，这将会发生。
I asked Francis, did he want to cry?
我问弗朗西斯，他想哭吗？
Did he wish he could?
他希望他可以吗？
He said no. It's just weird.
他说不。这很奇怪。
It's weird that I didn't.
奇怪的是我没有。
Not after he died, after the services, even after I got out of quarantine and came back to work.
不是在他去世之后，不是在葬礼之后，甚至是在我解除隔离并返回工作岗位之后。
It was weird.
很奇怪。
It was very hollow.
它非常空洞。
I'd come upstairs.
我会上楼来。
They had a bunch of pictures on the door.
他们的门上挂着一堆照片。
So that was tough, just seeing--
所以这很困难，只是看到——
They would have memory pictures of him from different times.
他们会有他不同时期的记忆照片。
People had pictures from when he was younger, when he first came in.
人们有他年轻时、他第一次进来时的照片。
They had the whole doors full of pictures.
他们的整扇门都挂满了照片。
I still didn't break down.
我还是没有崩溃。
I still didn't cry.
我还是没有哭。
When he left work at the end of the day and Mr. Facey was not there to give him a ride to the train, he didn't fall apart.
当他下班后，费西先生没有送他去火车，他并没有崩溃。
All the times he rushed to Mr. Facey's office to tell him something, forgetting he wasn't there anymore.
他每次都冲到费西先生的办公室告诉他一些事情，却忘记了他已经不在了。
Even on the one year anniversary of Mr. Facey's death, Francis and a bunch of guys went out to his graveside, drank, told stories, left bottles of gin.
即使在费西先生去世一周年之际，弗朗西斯和一群人也来到他的墓地，喝酒，讲故事，留下几瓶杜松子酒。
Still, he says, no tears.
不过，他说，没有流泪。
I don't know.
我不知道。
What is it to grieve someone you've worked with?
让与你共事的人悲伤是什么意思？
It's not like Clarence Facey was a close friend of Francis' or family.
克拉伦斯·费西并不是弗朗西斯或家人的密友。
Every person in that memorial video has loved ones.
纪念视频中的每个人都有亲人。
And then there are dozens, maybe hundreds of other people like Francis, people who sit a few circles out, people who lost the co-worker who they always said hello to on the way to the bathroom, the woman they always chatted with in the break room, the person who was just always there.
然后还有几十个，也许数百个像弗朗西斯一样的人，坐在几圈外的人，失去了在去洗手间的路上总是向他们打招呼的同事的人，他们总是在休息室聊天的女人，总是在那里的人。
Clarence Facey had been there for Francis' entire working life.
克拉伦斯·费西在弗朗西斯的整个工作生涯中一直陪伴在他身边。
And now he wasn't.
但现在他不是了。
When the MTA put out the memorial video, Francis saw it posted online, saw people passing it around.
当 MTA 发布纪念视频时，弗朗西斯在网上看到了它，看到人们在传播它。
He waited.
他等待着。
It wasn't until recently that he sat down and clicked play.
直到最近，他才坐下来点击播放。
He told me he watched each face pass by until he got to Mr. Facey.
他告诉我，他看着每一张脸经过，直到看到费西先生。
Wait, you know which minute he is in the memorial video?
等等，你知道他在纪念视频中的哪一分钟吗？
Yes, and when his picture did come up, it had the tears there, man.
是的，当他的照片出现时，上面有泪水，伙计。
It's just the tears didn't fall.
只是眼泪没有掉下来。
When we first started talking, I read Francis as someone who was holding back, turning away from grief.
当我们第一次开始交谈时，我认为弗朗西斯是一个压抑、逃避悲伤的人。
But Francis is actively engaged in some small, ongoing grieving process.
但弗朗西斯正在积极参与一些小型的、持续的悲伤过程。
Repeatedly noting every single time you haven't cried, that is a kind of grief.
反复记下每一次你没有哭，那是一种悲伤。
Not the kind that overwhelms you.
不是那种让你不知所措的。
It's not falling down on the ground, sobbing grief.
它不是倒在地上，悲伤地抽泣。
It's just an ambient feeling that hovers.
这只是一种徘徊的环境感觉。
It's a grief that just sits there.
这是一种坐在那里的悲伤。
On our way out of the building, I learned that Francis actually made his own memorial.
在走出大楼的路上，我得知方济各实际上建造了自己的纪念碑。
And it's kind of a tribute to this version of grief.
这是对这种悲伤的致敬。
He points it out as we pass by Mr. Facey's office door.
当我们经过费西先生的办公室门口时，他指出了这一点。
And I got a plaque for him made up.
我还为他制作了一块牌匾。
And I put it outside his door on the wall.
我把它放在他门外的墙上。
But I didn't put it that he passed away.
但我没有说他去世了。
I put it that he retired.
我说他退休了。
His last day when he passed away was his retirement day, and that's what I did.
他去世的最后一天是他的退休日，我就是这么做的。
And I--
而我——
No, I can't do that.
不，我不能那样做。
Some people ask me, well, he never retired.
有人问我，好吧，他从未退休。
And I'm like, I know.
我想，我知道。
But I'm not going to put a plaque of my friend is gone, you know?
但我不会把我朋友的牌匾不见了，你知道吗？
I'm going to say he's retired.
我要说的是他已经退休了。
That's how I see him as gone.
这就是我看到他消失的原因。
That's the way I see it.
我就是这么看的。
If they decide to take it down, it'll be when I'm gone.
如果他们决定把它拆掉，那就是我走了之后。
It's a simple black plaque with gold lettering on the wall.
这是一个简单的黑色牌匾，墙上有金色的字样。
I ask if he'll read it.
我问他是否会读。
No?
不？
OK.
好的。
He says, "I can't do that." So I will.
他说：“我不能那样做。”所以我会的。
It reads, "Clarence Facey, hero of the Hydraulics Department, hired August 21, 1989, retired April 4, 2020." It thanks Mr. Facey for believing in them, for guiding through example, and inspiring with passion, for being a mentor, a co-worker, and a gentleman.
上面写着：“克拉伦斯·费西，液压部门的英雄，1989年8月21日入职，2020年4月4日退休。”感谢费西先生对他们的信任、以身作则的指导、充满激情的激励、作为导师、同事和绅士。
Quote, "We appreciate your humble leadership.
引用：“我们感谢您谦虚的领导。
You will always be remembered as a great example.
您将作为一个伟大的榜样永远被人们铭记。
With great honor and respect, from your Hydraulics family."
来自您的Hydraulics 大家庭，我们深感荣幸和尊敬。”
That's very beautiful.
那非常漂亮。
The closest Francis ever seems to crying is right then, standing by the plaque.
弗朗西斯离哭最近的一次似乎就是在那时，他站在牌匾旁。
But he doesn't.
但他没有。
Puts his hands on his face, says, "Oh, boy," and moves along.
他把手放在脸上，说：“哦，孩子，”然后继续前行。
This is the memorial that works for Francis, the one where Mr. Facey is honored, but does not die, one that acknowledges the grief that sits in this office and still allows him to keep moving.
这是为弗朗西斯设立的纪念馆，费西先生在这里受到尊敬，但他并没有去世，它承认坐在办公室里的悲伤，但仍然允许他继续前进。
Chana Joffe-Walt is one of the producers of our show.
查纳·乔夫·沃尔特 (Chana Joffe-Walt) 是我们节目的制片人之一。
Act Two, When It Rains.
第二幕，下雨的时候。
So there's this concept that people who study grief talk about called cumulative grief.
研究悲伤的人谈论的这个概念称为累积悲伤。
That is, a pile-up of losses that happen either all at once or in quick succession.
也就是说，损失要么同时发生，要么快速连续发生。
This is something that one of our producers Sean Cole, unfortunately, became personally familiar with this year.
不幸的是，我们的制作人之一肖恩·科尔今年对这一点非常熟悉。
Here he is.
他在这里。
The pile-up of things that happened to me, it was four different events that happened over the course of just a few months.
我身上发生的事情堆积如山，是在短短几个月内发生的四件不同的事情。
I only saw one of them coming, the first one.
我只看到他们中的一个来了，第一个。
My stepfather Ed, who I adored, died of a really aggressive lung cancer on December 31, 2020.
我深爱的继父艾德于 2020 年 12 月 31 日死于一种侵袭性肺癌。
You might have heard him on the show before, actually.
事实上，你以前可能在节目中听过他的声音。
I talked to him for a couple of different stories.
我和他谈了几个不同的故事。
One way in which I was really lucky, I got to spend a lot of time with him in person in his final weeks.
我真的很幸运，在他最后的几周里，我花了很多时间和他在一起。
In October, right after his diagnosis, I interviewed him at the hospital about the election, which would be his last.
十月份，就在他确诊后，我在医院采访了他，讨论了选举问题，这将是他的最后一次选举。
At that point, he still wasn't sure how much time he had left.
那时，他还不确定自己还剩下多少时间。
He just knew that it wasn't a lot.
他只知道这并不多。
But he said that didn't bother him.
但他说这并不困扰他。
I think it's an excellent time, in the next two or three years, to die.
我认为在接下来的两三年内，这是一个绝佳的死亡时机。
Why?
为什么？
Ed You're avoiding all sorts of huge problems.
艾德：你正在避免各种大问题。
We have global warming coming out big time.
全球变暖即将来临。
The country is still going to be divided, even if Biden wins.
即使拜登获胜，这个国家仍然会分裂。
Europe is going totalitarian.
欧洲正在走向极权主义。
This country is going more totalitarian, which is scary.
这个国家正在变得更加极权，这是可怕的。
So there's not much to look forward to.
所以没有什么值得期待的。
Things I would like to see are answers to big questions.
我希望看到的是大问题的答案。
Is there intelligent life in this universe?
这个宇宙中是否存在智慧生命？
There's none on Earth.
地球上没有。
Six weeks after recording that in early December, I watched him reach for the TV remote, thinking it was a phone.
十二月初录制这件事六周后，我看到他伸手去拿电视遥控器，以为那是一部电话。
Then he asked me what the remote was for.
然后他问我遥控器是做什么用的。
We learned later that, on top of everything else, he'd had a stroke.
后来我们得知，除了其他一切之外，他还中风了。
It was really then that our grieving began, the kind of pre-grief.
就在那时，我们的悲伤真正开始了，那种预悲伤。
He spent the last five days of his life in hospice-- in-home hospice, mercifully.
他生命的最后五天是在临终关怀中心度过的——幸运的是，他是在家庭临终关怀中心度过的。
They brought in a hospital bed and set it up in my mom's old bedroom.
他们搬来一张病床，把它放在我妈妈的旧卧室里。
She died in 2015.
她于 2015 年去世。
My sister Maggie and I co-managed Ed's care, squirting syringefuls of morphine into his mouth, helping the nurse's aides change his diapers.
我和姐姐玛吉共同照顾艾德，将注射器注射吗啡到他嘴里，帮助护士助手给他换尿布。
Early that final week, he asked me in this hoarse whisper, "How long before the cancer wipes me out?" "They don't really know," I said.
最后一周早些时候，他用沙哑的低语问我：“癌症还要多久才能消灭我？” “他们真的不知道，”我说。
Then I said, "Are you ready to die?" He looked at me.
然后我说：“你准备好去死了吗？”他看着我。
"No man is ready to die," he said.
“没有人准备好去死，”他说。
"Do you have any feelings about it?" I asked him.
“你对此有什么感受吗？”我问他。
His face kind of softened, thoughtful, like he was checking.
他的脸色变得柔和起来，若有所思，就像在检查一样。
"No, not especially," he said.
“不，不是特别，”他说。
I don't know what I'd been expecting to hear.
我不知道我期待听到什么。
His heart finally stopped around 3:30 in the afternoon on New Year's Eve.
除夕夜下午3点30分左右，他的心脏终于停止了。
When the reality sunk in, I bent down, kissed his forehead, and started to cry.
当现实降临时，我弯下腰，亲吻他的额头，然后开始哭泣。
I can't explain this, and maybe I don't need to.
我无法解释这一点，也许我也不需要解释。
But it was different when Ed was breathing.
但当埃德有呼吸时，情况就不一样了。
Even though he was unconscious, you at least knew he was alive.
虽然他已经昏迷不醒，但至少你知道他还活着。
They say nothing prepares you.
他们说没有什么能让你做好准备。
I had been living in a house with a rapidly-dying hospice patient for a week.
我和一位濒临死亡的临终关怀病人一起住了一个星期。
It had gotten to the point where Maggie and I were even wishing for this moment, because what kind of existence is that?
甚至到了我和玛吉都渴望的这一刻，因为那是一种什么样的存在？
And yet, when the moment came, I just wasn't ready.
然而，当那一刻到来时，我还没有准备好。
I'm still not ready.
我还没准备好。
After we left the room, I went back in and hugged Ed's dead body one last time.
我们离开房间后，我回去最后一次拥抱了艾德的尸体。
"Ed, you fucking asshole," I said, burying my face in his neck.
“艾德，你他妈的混蛋，”我说，把脸埋在他的脖子上。
And then I said, "I love you so much." Then I didn't say anything.
然后我说：“我非常爱你。”然后我什么也没说。
Then I said, "This probably isn't sanitary."
然后我说：“这可能不卫生。”
Losing a parent can make you think the biggest thoughts.
失去父母会让你思考最伟大的想法。
Like, for instance, this one-- when someone dies, they don't just die.
举例来说，就像这个——当一个人死时，他们不仅仅是死了。
It's like they keep dying in pieces as time wears on, the moment of their demise drifting farther and farther away from you, like a raft heading for the horizon.
就好像随着时间的流逝，他们不断地碎尸万段，死亡的时刻离你越来越远，就像一艘驶向地平线的木筏。
It happened with my mom.
这件事发生在我妈妈身上。
I found I didn't want to leave that early temporal orbit of her death before it became just another thing that happened to me.
我发现我不想离开她死亡的早期时间轨道，直到它成为发生在我身上的另一件事。
That said, I didn't face my grief about my mom head on when it happened.
也就是说，当事情发生时，我并没有正面面对我对妈妈的悲伤。
I distracted myself, tried to, quote, "get back to normal too quickly" and get drunk and loud at events.
我分散了自己的注意力，试图引用“太快恢复正常”的说法，并在活动中喝醉了并大声喧哗。
I didn't want to make mistakes like that this time.
这次我不想再犯这样的错误。
I wanted to take time and really feel the loss, maybe go somewhere and just sit by myself.
我想花点时间真正感受一下失落，也许去某个地方独自坐着。
But I wasn't really able to.
但我真的没能做到。
Because losing Ed led pretty directly to the second thing I lost-- my relationship with a woman I'll call Melanie.
因为失去埃德直接导致了我失去的第二件事——我和一个我称之为梅兰妮的女人的关系。
See, another big thought I had, staring into the portal that Ed had just passed through, took kind of a weird shape.
看，我的另一个重大想法，凝视着艾德刚刚穿过的门户，呈现出一种奇怪的形状。
I thought I'm going to be 60 in 10 years.
我以为10年后我就60岁了。
10 years ago, I turned 40.
10年前，我40岁了。
I remember turning 40.
我记得40岁了。
It feels like almost no time has passed.
感觉时间几乎没有过去。
And what did I want to do with the rest of my days here on Earth?
我在地球上剩下的日子想做什么？
There's so much I've been putting off, a long list.
我已经推迟了很多事情，列了一个长长的清单。
And something I knew definitively now was that having kids was nowhere on that list.
我现在明确知道的是，生孩子并不在这个清单上。
Melanie did want children eventually.
梅兰妮最终确实想要孩子。
We'd been together a year since before the pandemic, fell in love fairly quickly.
自从大流行之前我们就在一起一年了，很快就坠入爱河。
It was the first serious relationship I'd had in a while.
这是我一段时间以来第一次认真的恋爱关系。
Also, during long stretches of 2020, we barely saw anybody else in person.
此外，在 2020 年的很长一段时间里，我们几乎没有见到其他人。
Certainly didn't hug anybody else.
当然没有拥抱其他人。
Lucky for me, she's insanely funny and caring.
对我来说幸运的是，她非常有趣并且充满爱心。
Lying in bed one morning, a month after Ed died, I told Melanie what I decided about children.
艾德去世一个月后的一天早上，我躺在床上，告诉梅兰妮我对孩子的决定。
She cried, went home, came back 36 hours later.
她哭着回家，36小时后回来。
We sat on the couch.
我们坐在沙发上。
It was civil, tender even.
这是礼貌的，甚至是温柔的。
Melanie felt bad.
梅兰妮感觉很糟糕。
"I don't want to abandon you," she said.
“我不想抛弃你，”她说。
"But I need to take care of myself, too." I understood.
“但我也需要照顾好自己。”我明白了。
I think it was around this time that my sadnesses were already starting to compete with each other, almost cancel each other out.
我想就在这个时候，我的悲伤已经开始相互竞争，几乎相互抵消。
I was aware of not being able to feel the loss of the breakup enough or not proportional enough to the importance of it, like that part of me was already taken up.
我意识到无法充分感受到分手的损失，或者与它的重要性不成比例，就像我的那一部分已经被占据了。
Then, a few weeks after the breakup, two months after Ed's death, the third thing happened.
然后，分手几周后，埃德去世两个月后，第三件事发生了。
Melanie sent me a picture of a home pregnancy test.
梅兰妮给我发了一张家庭妊娠测试的照片。
I, at 49 years old, had never seen one, at least not one with the two lines on it, indicating it was positive.
我49岁了，从来没有见过一个，至少没有见过一个上面有两条线，表明它是阳性的。
Melanie had been taking birth control when we were together.
我们在一起时梅兰妮一直在采取避孕措施。
I think she must have missed a day-- one day.
我想她一定错过了一天——有一天。
Now when we were a couple, Melanie was pretty clear that she didn't want a kid right now.
当我们成为情侣时，梅兰妮很清楚她现在不想要孩子。
But now that she was pregnant, things were different.
但现在她怀孕了，情况就不一样了。
Melanie was paralyzed with indecision, didn't even know how to decide what to do.
梅兰妮犹豫不决，甚至不知道该如何决定要做什么。
I know it sounds self-centered and beside the point to focus on how I felt about it.
我知道这听起来有点以自我为中心，并且没有重点关注我对此的感受。
It goes without saying that my stress was puny compared to hers.
不用说，与她相比，我的压力微不足道。
But midway through that week, pacing around my apartment late at night, I snapped and started weeping.
但在那一周的中间，深夜，我在我的公寓里踱来踱去，突然哭了起来。
And I wasn't sure why, which one of these upheavals it was about or just all of them.
我不确定这是为什么，也不知道这些剧变是关于哪一场，还是全部。
Maybe more than ever, I just wanted to talk to Ed.
也许我比以往任何时候都更想和埃德谈谈。
I had already started to face the fact that I would never be able to go home again.
我已经开始面对我再也无法回家的事实了。
It hadn't hit me yet that I would also never be able to call home again.
我还没有意识到我再也不能打电话回家了。
Melanie and I were supposed to get together, the two of us, that Saturday night to discuss what we each were thinking.
那个星期六晚上，梅兰妮和我两个人应该聚在一起讨论我们各自的想法。
But we didn't get the chance.
但我们没有机会。
Because then the fourth thing happened.
因为接下来第四件事发生了。
That Saturday afternoon, I got a text from my stepmother, my biological dad's wife.
那个星期六下午，我收到了继母，我亲生父亲的妻子发来的短信。
"Your father had a heart attack," it said.
“你父亲心脏病发作，”上面写着。
He was in a hospital in Massachusetts, unconscious.
他当时在马萨诸塞州的一家医院里，不省人事。
Talking with Melanie about how the rest of our lives were going to pan out would have to wait.
与梅兰妮谈论我们的余生将如何发展还需要等待。
For the second time in two months, I had to say goodbye to a parent.
这是两个月内第二次，我不得不与父母告别。
My dad-- Mac was his name-- was also 90, had been going downhill with dementia for years.
我的父亲——他的名字是麦克——也已经 90 岁了，多年来一直因痴呆症而走下坡路。
He'd tell you a story, and then 10 minutes later, tell it again, ask the same question over and over again during a short visit.
他会给你讲一个故事，然后 10 分钟后，再讲一遍，在短暂的访问中一遍又一遍地问同样的问题。
But he never forgot who any of us were, was still able to recite poems and song lyrics he'd learned when he was younger, still charming.
但他从来没有忘记我们是谁，还能背诵他年轻时学过的诗词歌词，依然风韵犹存。
He charmed the nurses at the hospital right up until he slipped into unconsciousness in the ICU.
他迷住了医院的护士，直到他在重症监护室陷入昏迷。
I stood right by his bed for a lot of my visit to the hospital.
我去医院的时候很多时候都站在他的床边。
His wife and three stepkids and a couple of grandkids were there, too.
他的妻子、三个继子和几个孙子也在场。
I felt bad for them and for my dad.
我为他们和我父亲感到难过。
And-- this is strange-- I knew that I was sad, but it's like I was holding the sadness in my hands, outside my body, because I didn't know where to put it.
而且——这很奇怪——我知道我很悲伤，但就像我把悲伤握在手里，放在我的身体之外，因为我不知道把它放在哪里。
The thing about cumulative grief, when the losses pile up in quick succession like this, you can get overloaded and end up grieving none of them.
关于累积悲伤的事情，当损失像这样快速连续堆积时，你可能会超负荷，最终不会让任何人感到悲伤。
Experts on this stuff will tell you that, just like you love everyone in your life differently and separately, you have to grieve them differently and separately when the time comes.
这方面的专家会告诉你，就像你以不同的方式、分别地爱生活中的每个人一样，当时机成熟时，你也必须以不同的方式、分别地哀悼他们。
I love my dad.
我爱我的爸爸。
He and my mom divorced when I was five.
我五岁时他和我妈妈离婚了。
Ed entered the picture a year later and eventually moved in with us.
一年后，艾德加入了进来，并最终搬到了我们这里。
And proximity took over, as it does.
邻近性占据了主导地位，事实也确实如此。
Standing in the hospital room, one of my stepbrothers said something genuinely funny, and I laughed.
站在病房里，我的一个继兄弟说了一些非常有趣的话，我笑了。
And he told me my laugh sounded exactly like dad's.
他告诉我，我的笑声听起来和爸爸一模一样。
It used to be I didn't like being compared to my father.
以前我不喜欢被人拿来和我父亲比较。
But now it made me feel closer to him in a way I needed right then.
但现在这让我以一种我当时需要的方式感觉与他更亲近。
I wanted to stay there all night, like some of the others were going to, but I couldn't.
我想在那里待上一整晚，就像其他人想要的那样，但我做不到。
I had to get back to New York to go with Melanie to the OB/GYN the next day to confirm the pregnancy and learn about our options.
第二天我必须回到纽约和梅兰妮一起去妇产科确认怀孕并了解我们的选择。
It's not lost on me that just as I said goodbye to two fathers, there was a real possibility of becoming one myself.
我并没有忘记，就像我告别两位父亲一样，我自己也确实有可能成为一名父亲。
Whether or not someone is equipped to be a parent, it seems like one prerequisite is not being filled with abject terror at the very thought of it.
无论一个人是否具备成为父母的条件，似乎有一个先决条件就是一想到这一点就不能充满悲惨的恐惧。
And I'm not the type of person who could tell the mother of his kid that she's on her own.
我不是那种可以告诉孩子母亲她孤身一人的人。
I asked Melanie's permission to talk about all of this on the show, by the way.
顺便说一句，我请求梅兰妮允许我在节目中谈论所有这些。
She said yes, as long as I told her ahead of time what I was going to say and identified her as little as possible.
她说可以，只要我提前告诉她我要说什么，并尽可能少地暴露她的身份。
I stayed in the examination room while they did the sonogram, and they said they thought Melanie was about four weeks along.
当他们做超声波检查时，我留在检查室，他们说他们认为梅兰妮已经怀孕大约四个星期了。
The next morning, I woke up to a text from my stepmother, saying dad had finally died.
第二天早上，我醒来时收到继母发来的短信，说爸爸终于去世了。
When my editor at the show and I talked later that day, I said, you're not going to believe this.
那天晚些时候，当我在展会上的编辑和我交谈时，我说，你不会相信这一点。
Melanie ultimately decided to terminate the pregnancy.
梅兰妮最终决定终止妊娠。
In the end, she felt clear about it.
到最后，她心里清楚了。
Even still, she sat on my couch afterwards in tears.
尽管如此，事后她还是坐在我的沙发上流下了眼泪。
Said she could feel that it wasn't in there anymore somehow.
她说她能感觉到它已经不在那里了。
She called it a dead thing.
她称其为死物。
Any nascent relief in me was swallowed up by sadness and concern.
我内心刚刚出现的一丝安慰都被悲伤和担忧所吞噬。
This was the outcome I'd hoped for, but it's not like it felt good.
这是我所希望的结果，但感觉并不好。
And it never would.
但它永远不会。
It was its own kind of loss.
这是它自己的一种损失。
It's been five months now since I held Ed's lifeless body in my arms.
距离我怀抱艾德毫无生气的尸体已经过去五个月了。
I'm still distracting myself from my grief too much, I think, with work and also drinking, partying with friends now that we're all vaccinated.
我想，现在我们都接种了疫苗，我仍然在通过工作、喝酒、和朋友聚会来过多地分散自己的悲伤。
The difference now, as opposed to five years ago when mom died, is that I know I'm avoiding grief.
与五年前妈妈去世时相比，现在的不同之处在于，我知道我正在避免悲伤。
And it feels like I turn and kind of glance at it multiple times a day, sometimes longer glances than others.
感觉就像我一天会转身看它好几次，有时比其他人看的时间更长。
I still don't know exactly how I'm supposed to proceed, how to pull all of the different losses apart in order to grieve them separately or in what order.
我仍然不知道我应该如何继续，如何将所有不同的损失分开，以便分别或以什么顺序哀悼它们。
Do I do it sequentially?
我要按顺序做吗？
Do I have to finish with one before starting on the next one?
我是否必须先完成一项任务才能开始下一项任务？
There's one other big thought I had.
我还有另一个重大想法。
Not in the wake of dad's death or Ed's death, but back when my mom died.
不是在爸爸去世或艾德去世之后，而是在我妈妈去世的时候。
I'd forgotten about it until all this happened.
直到这一切发生之前我都忘记了这件事。
I was asking myself why we were all even here, what it was all for.
我问自己为什么我们都在这里，这一切是为了什么。
I don't have any faith or doctrine.
我没有任何信仰或教义。
I'm not even secure enough in my understanding of the cosmos to be an atheist.
我对宇宙的理解甚至不足以成为无神论者。
But I did come up with an answer.
但我确实找到了答案。
It's simple, and it makes even more sense to me now when I think of how Maggie and I looked out for each other when caring for Ed got really stressful, or Melanie and I being present through even the hardest conversations, or the folks at dad's hospital bending the COVID rules, letting us all crowd around his bed for hours.
这很简单，现在当我想到玛吉和我在照顾埃德的压力很大时如何互相照顾，或者梅兰妮和我在最困难的谈话中都在场，或者父亲医院的工作人员违反了新冠病毒规则，让我们都围在他的床边几个小时时，这对我来说就更有意义了。
The reason we're all here, I think, is to get each other to the other side.
我想，我们聚集在这里的原因是为了让彼此走到另一边。
Sean Cole is a producer here at our show.
肖恩·科尔是我们节目的制片人。
Coming up, saying goodbye to yourself.
来了，跟自己说再见。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's program, Good Grief.
今天的节目，《好悲伤》。
You know it is hard to talk about death.
你知道谈论死亡是很难的。
It's hard to know how to face it.
很难知道如何去面对。
It's hard to know how to grieve.
很难知道如何悲伤。
Today, for this Memorial Day weekend, we have people figuring out for themselves, inventing for themselves how to deal with loss.
今天，在这个阵亡将士纪念日周末，我们让人们自己思考、发明如何应对损失。
We have arrived at Act Three of our program.
我们已经到了我们计划的第三幕了。
Act Three, The Caretaker.
第三幕，看守者。
So there are memorial sites that are planned out over years by official committees and designers and architects.
因此，官方委员会、设计师和建筑师多年来规划了一些纪念场所。
But sometimes, something happens that leads to such an outpouring of grief, such an overflow of emotion, that a site to mourn and commemorate just springs into existence spontaneously.
但有时，发生一些事情会导致悲伤的倾泻，情感的泛滥，以至于一个哀悼和纪念的场所就会自发地出现。
Hundreds of individuals show up, lots of them with photos and signs and other stuff.
数百人出现，其中很多人都带着照片、标语和其他东西。
The intersection of 38th Street and Chicago Avenue in Minneapolis is like that.
明尼阿波利斯38街和芝加哥大道的交叉口就是这样。
It's the place where George Floyd was murdered by police officer Derek Chauvin last May.
这是去年五月乔治·弗洛伊德被警官德里克·肖文谋杀的地方。
One of our producers, Bim Adewunmi, went to see what it's like.
我们的制作人之一 Bim Adewunmi 前去看看情况如何。
This used to be a busy intersection, but now it's almost entirely vehicle-free, a block in every direction closed to traffic.
这里曾经是一个繁忙的十字路口，但现在几乎完全没有车辆，各个方向都禁止通行。
Cup Foods, the convenience store on the corner, is still going.
街角的便利店 Cup Foods 仍在营业。
But other businesses, like the Speedway gas station, have been transformed.
但其他企业，如高速公路加油站，已经发生了转变。
The whole space has been reclaimed, and none of it's sanctioned by the city or state.
整个空间都已被回收，并且没有得到城市或州的批准。
That independence is most notable at the Speedway gas station.
这种独立性在 Speedway 加油站最为引人注目。
The sign has been painted over.
标志已被涂掉。
It now reads "People's Way."
现在它变成了“人民之路”。
George Floyd Square isn't even really a square.
乔治·弗洛伊德广场甚至不是真正的广场。
It's a wellspring, an organic creation in the aftermath of a traumatic event.
它是一个源泉，是创伤事件发生后的有机创造。
As you walk up, right in the middle of the intersection, you see a giant metal sculpture of a fist jutting into the sky, a black liberation flag billowing in the breeze on top of it.
当你走过去，在十字路口的正中央，你会看到一个巨大的金属雕塑，一只拳头伸向天空，上面有一面黑色的解放旗帜在微风中飘扬。
All around the sculpture is a ring of bricks and cinder blocks.
雕塑周围有一圈砖块和煤渣块。
And it holds hundreds of tributes-- flowers, protest signs, handwritten quotes, plus several photos of George Floyd and other Black men killed elsewhere by police brutality or otherwise-- Ahmaud Arbery, Daunte Wright.
里面有数百件悼念品——鲜花、抗议标语、手写引言，还有几张乔治·弗洛伊德和其他在其他地方因警察暴力或其他原因被杀害的黑人的照片——艾哈迈德·阿伯里(Ahmaud Arbery)、道特·赖特(Daunte Wright)。
On the ground in front of the convenience store is a drawing of an angel, close to where George Floyd took his last breaths.
便利店前的地上有一幅天使的画，靠近乔治·弗洛伊德最后一口气的地方。
The feeling at George Floyd Square is sacred for sure, but it's a group project, in which the levels of artistic skill are not uniform.
乔治·弗洛伊德广场的感觉确实是神圣的，但这是一个集体项目，其中的艺术技巧水平并不统一。
There's an air of it being homemade, made with care, by hand, grief mostly from the community and mostly by the community.
它有一种自制的氛围，是手工精心制作的，悲伤主要来自社区，而且主要是社区造成的。
The people who come here are drawn to that.
来到这里的人们都被这一点所吸引。
They have to come.
他们必须来。
They have to see.
他们必须看看。
They have to feel.
他们必须去感受。
One of the people drawn to the square is Jeanelle Austin.
珍妮尔·奥斯汀（Jeanelle Austin）是被广场吸引的人之一。
She's now treasurer and secretary of the George Floyd Global Memorial, which is co-chaired by George Floyd's aunt and cousin.
她现在是乔治·弗洛伊德全球纪念馆的财务主管和秘书，该组织由乔治·弗洛伊德的姨妈和表弟共同主持。
When George Floyd was murdered, Jeanelle was living in Austin, Texas, doing racial justice work in an organization she'd started.
当乔治·弗洛伊德被谋杀时，珍妮尔住在德克萨斯州奥斯汀，在她创立的一个组织中从事种族正义工作。
Her family had been asking her to come home for a while, but she'd resisted.
家人一直要求她回家，但她拒绝了。
Now they asked again, telling her that she should be here for this moment.
现在他们再次询问，告诉她这一刻她应该在这里。
Four days after George Floyd's death, Jeanelle flew back to Minneapolis.
乔治·弗洛伊德去世四天后，珍妮尔飞回明尼阿波利斯。
She started attending protests.
她开始参加抗议活动。
At one protest on the highway, she and her sister had a terrifying encounter with a truck that charged up protesters.
在高速公路上的一次抗议活动中，她和姐姐与一辆向抗议者冲撞的卡车发生了可怕的遭遇。
Afterwards, her sister was crying, but Jeanelle, a seasoned protester, couldn't even muster tears.
事后，她的姐姐哭了，但经验丰富的抗议者珍妮尔却连眼泪都哭不出来。
She made a decision.
她做出了决定。
The next morning, I said, yep, we're not going to do that.
第二天早上，我说，是的，我们不会那样做。
I was like, I'm just going to do something more simple, but still profound, by keeping the memorial clean.
我当时想，我只想做一些更简单但仍然意义深远的事情，保持纪念馆的清洁。
And so I started waking up at 6:00 AM, June 1st, and started tending to the memorial.
于是我开始在 6 月 1 日早上 6:00 起床，开始照看纪念碑。
And I decided that that would be my protest.
我决定这就是我的抗议。
As more and more people came to the square, they were also bringing the things Jeanelle calls offerings-- protest signs, drawings, photos of their loved ones killed by police, small tokens like teddy bears and candles, and an overwhelming amount of flowers and potted plants.
随着越来越多的人来到广场，他们也带来了珍妮尔所谓的祭品——抗议标语、图画、被警察杀害的亲人的照片、泰迪熊和蜡烛等小纪念品，以及大量的鲜花和盆栽植物。
She spent several hours a day at the square some days, usually with her neighbor Paul, caretaking as best she could.
有时，她每天都会在广场上呆上几个小时，通常是和邻居保罗一起，尽可能地照顾她。
In those early days, she reckoned on the whole thing winding down after about a fortnight.
在最初的日子里，她预计整个事情会在大约两周后结束。
At the end of two weeks, we were like, nope, still going.
两周结束时，我们想，不，还在继续。
And so we kind of had the conversation of, what do we do with all the offerings?
所以我们讨论了，我们如何处理所有的产品？
And so, it was so funny.
所以，这太有趣了。
He said, well, in many traditions, with offerings, we burn them, and they go up into the sky.
他说，嗯，在许多传统中，我们用祭品烧掉它们，然后它们升到天空。
And I'm like, Paul, the city's on fire.
我想，保罗，这座城市着火了。
We're not burning offerings.
我们不会焚烧祭品。
That is a bad idea.
这是一个坏主意。
Right, you don't want to be the people who burn stuff.
是的，你不想成为烧东西的人。
Right, right, exactly.
对对对，完全正确。
He was like, you're right.
他说，你是对的。
Jeanelle has watched the square evolve over the past year.
在过去的一年里，珍妮尔见证了广场的演变。
On the day she's there, she's cleaning up trash or pruning the plants people bring to the square in the hastily constructed greenhouse.
她在那里的那天，正在匆忙建造的温室里清理垃圾或修剪人们带到广场的植物。
The nature of the work suits her.
工作性质很适合她。
She's an introvert and finds peace in tending to the offerings.
她是一个内向的人，在照顾祭品的过程中找到了平静。
On the day I visited, there were a few families walking around and reading the names and signs in contemplative silence.
我参观的那天，有几个家庭在周围走来走去，默默地读着名字和标志。
I spoke to people from Minneapolis-- a father and his partner and their two little ones, another guy who would come to the square with his teenage daughter, fresh from a dance recital.
我采访了来自明尼阿波利斯的人们——一位父亲和他的伴侣以及他们的两个孩子，还有一位带着刚从舞蹈表演结束的十几岁的女儿来到广场的人。
There were men who'd come from California and Texas, one Nigerian guy who'd come from Georgia to see friends and felt compelled to visit the memorial.
其中有来自加利福尼亚州和德克萨斯州的男子，还有一名尼日利亚男子从佐治亚州来看望朋友，觉得有必要参观纪念馆。
They all came to grieve for a man they'd never know, but felt familiar to them.
他们都为这个素不相识却又熟悉的男人感到悲伤。
A man who had gone out to get cigarettes and had never made it back home.
一个男人出去买烟，却再也没有回家。
I saw people grieving.
我看到人们悲伤。
And I saw that because I was there, many of them would just tap me on my shoulder and say, hey, can I talk?
我发现因为我在那里，他们中的许多人都会拍拍我的肩膀说，嘿，我可以说话吗？
Or one person pulled up a whole lawn chair and was like, I am going to hold you hostage because you're there cutting plants, and I need somebody to talk to.
或者有人拉起一整张草坪椅说，我要把你扣为人质，因为你在那里砍植物，而我需要有人说话。
Or some people just would come and just stand by me and say nothing.
或者有些人只是过来站在我身边，什么也不说。
But because I was there, they just needed to be.
但因为我在那里，他们就需要在那里。
And I recognized it as grief.
我认为这是悲伤。
Because I've been journeying through grief myself.
因为我自己也曾经历过悲伤。
Everybody processes loss differently.
每个人对损失的处理方式都不同。
And I learned that a year earlier, when my father had died from cancer.
一年前我就知道了这一点，当时我的父亲死于癌症。
And I have six brothers and sisters, and we all processed my dad's death differently.
我有六个兄弟姐妹，我们对父亲去世的处理方式都不同。
So for some people, processing loss meant being angry.
所以对于一些人来说，处理损失意味着愤怒。
For some people, processing loss meant creating art.
对于某些人来说，处理损失意味着创造艺术。
For some people, processing loss meant being quiet and staying home.
对于一些人来说，处理损失意味着安静和呆在家里。
And I think that was one of the things that actually prepared me for this moment.
我认为这是让我为这一刻真正做好准备的事情之一。
I'll never forget this white man, middle-aged white man, was in the square early in the morning.
我永远不会忘记这个白人，中年白人，一大早就出现在广场上。
And I was in the square, carrying a five-gallon bucket of water to water the plants.
我在广场上，提着一桶五加仑的水给植物浇水。
And he said, "Can I help you?" And I said, "Absolutely." And so, we started chit chatting.
他说：“我可以帮你吗？”我说：“当然。”于是，我们就开始闲聊。
And he was like, "Did you know that every gallon of water weighs eight pounds?" I'm like, "No, I didn't know that." And so we got to the memorial.
他说：“你知道每加仑水重八磅吗？”我说：“不，我不知道。”于是我们就到了纪念馆。
We had to walk a half a block up.
我们不得不步行半个街区。
And he just looked sad.
他看上去只是悲伤。
And I look at him, and I say, "Whatever it is that you're holding, the space is big enough.
我看着他，说道：“无论你手里拿着什么，空间都足够大了。
You can let it go.
你可以放手了。
The space is big enough for it all." And he just starts to cry.
空间足够大，可以容纳这一切。”他开始哭泣。
And he says, "My son is under a knife.
他说：“我的儿子被刀砍了。
And my mother died in January." And that's when I notice his visitor badge, the hospital.
我的母亲在一月份去世了。”就在那时我注意到了他的访客徽章——医院。
And he was like, "But none of that compares to what we're dealing with here." And I said, "No, no, no, you don't get to do that.
他说，“但这都无法与我们在这里处理的事情相比。”我说：“不，不，不，你不能这样做。
Grief is grief.
悲伤就是悲伤。
Loss is loss.
损失就是损失。
It's not about comparing losses.
这不是比较损失。
Your loss is your loss.
你的损失就是你的损失。
And we can hold that, too."
我们也能坚持下去。”
The point of a place like George Floyd Square is that it is many things to many people, all at the same time.
像乔治·弗洛伊德广场这样的地方的要点在于，它同时对很多人来说有很多事情。
Grief is vast.
悲伤是巨大的。
And it is strong, which means it can carry a lot inside it.
而且它很坚固，这意味着它可以承载很多东西。
The names of the dead at the square-- and there are dozens of them-- are everywhere.
广场上死者的名字——有数十人——随处可见。
They're scrawled on the road, stenciled or drawn freehand in chalk and paint.
它们被潦草地写在路上，用模板或用粉笔和油漆徒手绘制。
They're on planters, on walls, on signs staked into the ground, on rocks, on T-shirts and on hats.
它们出现在花盆上、墙上、钉在地上的标牌上、岩石上、T 恤上和帽子上。
Many of the names are familiar, like the names of your cousins on your father's side.
许多名字都很熟悉，比如你父亲那边的表兄弟姐妹的名字。
Others require you to dig deeper into the past or further than the first page of a Google search.
其他人则要求你更深入地挖掘过去，或者比谷歌搜索的第一页更深入。
The square lets people bring other older griefs and lay them down as part of a continuum of what's been lost to a persistent problem.
这个四分相让人们可以带着其他较旧的悲伤，并将它们作为因持续存在的问题而失去的连续体的一部分而放下。
I want to circle to that idea of grief and protest.
我想谈谈悲伤和抗议的想法。
Because the two things don't seem like they necessarily go hand in hand.
因为这两件事似乎并不一定是齐头并进的。
I think the protest was burst out of grief.
我认为抗议是出于悲伤而爆发的。
The DNA of the protest is grief.
抗议的本质是悲伤。
And I don't even think I fully understood that until recently and looking back and realizing that what made this protest different was the fact that that grief was the foundation, and not rage.
我什至认为我直到最近才完全理解这一点，回顾过去并意识到这次抗议的不同之处在于悲伤是基础，而不是愤怒。
I mean, there was anger and there was rage there, yeah, but it really was grief.
我的意思是，那里有愤怒，有愤怒，是的，但那确实是悲伤。
It's the grief and the protests are wrapped into one another and marbled together.
悲伤和抗议交织在一起，交织在一起。
I don't think you could separate the two.
我认为你无法将两者分开。
The anniversary of George Floyd's death this past week transformed the square into something else again.
上周乔治·弗洛伊德逝世周年纪念日使广场再次变得不同。
It hosted an outdoor festival of remembrance for the community, the culmination of protests in the city-- music, panels, talks.
它为社区举办了一场户外纪念活动，这是这座城市抗议活动的高潮——音乐、小组讨论和演讲。
We don't usually think of those as expressions of grief, but they are.
我们通常不认为这些是悲伤的表达，但事实确实如此。
Because grief doesn't end.
因为悲伤不会结束。
It just changes form.
它只是改变了形式。
Bim Adewunmi is one of the producers of our show.
Bim Adewunmi 是我们节目的制作人之一。
Act Four, All My Love.
第四幕，我的爱。
OK, so nearly 600,000 people dead from COVID.
好吧，近 60 万人死于新冠肺炎。
It is really hard to get your mind around that number, what that means, what that is.
你真的很难理解这个数字，它意味着什么，它是什么。
I went and looked this up.
我去查了一下。
That is, more or less, the population of Milwaukee or Portland or Albuquerque or Louisville or Nashville or Las Vegas or Baltimore, which is where I grew up.
或多或少，就是密尔沃基、波特兰、阿尔伯克基、路易斯维尔、纳什维尔、拉斯维加斯或巴尔的摩的人口，这些地方是我长大的地方。
And I try to picture the whole city of Baltimore, OK?
我试着描绘整个巴尔的摩市，好吗？
All the streets and row houses and strip malls and grocery stores and high schools and parks just completely empty of people.
所有的街道、排屋、购物中心、杂货店、高中和公园都空无一人。
The rundown blocks around Lexington Market downtown and the pretty green area up by Johns Hopkins University, just block after block, mile after mile, nobody there at all.
列克星敦市场市中心周围的破旧街区和约翰·霍普金斯大学附近漂亮的绿地，一个又一个街区，一英里又一英里，根本没有人在那里。
And then I kind of get it, but only kind of.
然后我有点明白了，但只是有点明白了。
It's just easier to feel the loss of one person than some big number.
失去一个人比失去一大群人更容易感受到。
I think everybody knows that.
我想每个人都知道这一点。
One of those 590,000-plus Americans who's died was Leiah Danielle Jones.
莱娅·丹妮尔·琼斯 (Leiah Danielle Jones) 就是 59 万多名美国人的死者之一。
She is one of the people who got COVID and never fully recovered and became one of the long haulers, and then she died on March 12.
她是感染新冠病毒但从未完全康复的人之一，并成为长途搬运工之一，然后于 3 月 12 日去世。
And before she died, she wrote her own obituary.
在她去世之前，她还写了自己的讣告。
And we got permission from her brother to read it here on the radio.
我们得到了她哥哥的许可，可以在收音机上阅读它。
He says, the truth is, they aren't totally sure why she wrote this.
他说，事实是，他们并不完全确定她为什么写这篇文章。
He assumes it was for the family.
他认为这是为了家人。
But as you'll hear, she also addresses a larger audience.
但正如您将听到的，她还向更多的观众发表讲话。
The family decided to use it for the funeral.
家人决定用它来举行葬礼。
And it was posted online as an obituary.
它作为讣告发布在网上。
We asked actress Pernell Walker to read it.
我们请女演员佩内尔·沃克来读这本书。
I, Leiah Danielle Jones, was born on September 22, 1987 in Charlotte, North Carolina to Eric Arnelle Jones and Joyce Bost Jones.
我，莱娅·丹妮尔·琼斯，1987 年 9 月 22 日出生于北卡罗来纳州夏洛特，父亲是埃里克·阿内尔·琼斯，母亲是乔伊斯·博斯特·琼斯。
Waiting patiently at home was my elder and only brother, Jonathan Philemon Jones.
我唯一的哥哥乔纳森·菲利蒙·琼斯在家里耐心地等待着。
I departed from my temporary home on March 12, 2021, surrounded by my family.
2021年3月12日，我在家人的陪伴下离开了临时住所。
I am waiting for Christ's return.
我正在等待基督的再来。
I was 33 and 1/2 years young.
我当时 33 岁，还年轻 1/2 岁。
I died due to complications from COVID-19, which none of us knew existed 1 and 1/2 years ago.
我死于 COVID-19 并发症，而 1 又 1/2 年前我们都不知道这种病毒的存在。
I, along with others like me, are termed long-haulers.
我和其他像我一样的人被称为长途运输者。
The term "long-hauler" means a person who has been infected by the virus and has recovered, no longer infectious.
“长途携带者”一词是指被病毒感染并已康复、不再具有传染性的人。
However, the damage had been done to vital organs.
然而，重要器官已受到损害。
A YouTube video on this site will inform you more explicitly the extent of this virus.
本网站上的 YouTube 视频将更明确地告诉您该病毒的严重程度。
Unfortunately, those like me may or may not survive the aftermath.
不幸的是，像我这样的人可能会也可能不会幸存。
I, hopefully, am in the minority of those numbers.
希望我是这些数字中的少数。
I would love for as many as can to watch the video and please pray and support the long-haulers.
我希望尽可能多的人观看该视频，并请为长途运输者祈祷和支持。
What can I say, but to God be the glory.
我能说什么，但愿荣耀归给神。
Great things He has done, even in my short life.
即使在我短暂的一生中，他也做了伟大的事情。
He gave me qualities of compassion, generosity, boundless energy, knowledge, and determination, a.k.a.
他给了我同情心、慷慨、无限的能量、知识和决心等品质。
stubbornness, which my mom would say of me.
固执，这是我妈妈对我的评价。
If you met me, you would have never forgotten that Jones girl.
如果你遇见我，你就永远不会忘记那个琼斯女孩。
I loved to cook-- Dad's gift to me.
我喜欢做饭——这是爸爸给我的礼物。
I had many specialties.
我有很多特长。
Breadmaking was just one.
面包制作只是其中之一。
In my own way, I championed many causes-- namely, A, people who are considered the undesirables, outcasts of society; B, support to families, especially the single home parent; C, children, those who were affected by the school closings due to the pandemic; D, victims of the hurricanes, wildfires, national and international.
以我自己的方式，我支持了许多事业——即，A，那些被认为是不受欢迎的人，被社会抛弃的人； B、对家庭，特别是单亲家庭的支持； C、儿童、因疫情停课而受到影响的人； D、国内和国际飓风、野火的受害者。
My mom would accuse me of disaster hunting, seeing all the good others were doing and saving lives-- Mercy Ships, St. Jude Children's Research, Feed the Children campaign.
我妈妈会指责我在寻找灾难，看到其他人所做的所有好事并拯救生命——慈悲船、圣裘德儿童研究、喂养儿童运动。
It didn't take much.
没花太多时间。
Oh, by the way, let's not forget the poor abused animals.
哦，顺便说一句，我们不要忘记那些可怜的受虐待的动物。
The gift that God entrusted with me was amazing-- nursing baby kittens, helping injured ones.
上帝托付给我的礼物是惊人的——护理小猫，帮助受伤的人。
It amazed even me.
连我都感到惊讶。
And I always knew it was a special gift from Him.
我一直都知道这是他送给我的一份特别的礼物。
The most rewarding part of my life was the day I was able to take care of my mom.
我一生中最有价值的部分是我能够照顾妈妈的那一天。
She had been badly injured in a lawnmower accident.
她在一次割草机事故中受了重伤。
Being unable to properly care for herself for months, love stepped in.
由于几个月来无法好好照顾自己，爱介入了。
Of course, she protested-- stubborn woman.
当然，她抗议——顽固的女人。
As my health declined and my illness progressed, I became physically hampered somewhat from doing my regular daily routine.
随着我的健康状况恶化和病情恶化，我的日常生活变得有些困难。
Therefore, I leaned more heavily on the help of my mom.
因此，我更加依赖妈妈的帮助。
She, on the most part, was more than willing.
在大多数情况下，她非常愿意。
The few times she was not so willing, I, Leiah Danielle Jones, prevailed.
有几次她不太愿意，我，莉亚·丹妮尔·琼斯，占了上风。
I pressed on with the affairs of home and business.
我继续处理家务和生意。
Yes, Dad dragged me in on this EA Jones plumbing adventure.
是的，爸爸把我拉进了 EA Jones 的管道冒险之旅。
Life and its pull were getting the best of me by the end of last year.
到去年年底，生活及其吸引力已经让我变得最好了。
However, God and my family powered the best in and for me till the end.
然而，上帝和我的家人为我提供了最好的支持，直到最后。
If, in this life, we met, I hope our encounter left you with a lasting snapshot of a determined, sometimes complex, genuine friend, one you could talk to.
如果，在这一生中，我们相遇了，我希望我们的相遇给你留下了一个持久的印象，一个坚定的、有时复杂的、真诚的朋友，一个你可以交谈的人。
If, however, we did not meet, it was my loss, and I am sorry.
然而，如果我们没有见面，那就是我的损失，我很抱歉。
I believe that every person, experience, good or bad, added to my life a measure of maturity.
我相信每个人的经历，无论好坏，都会让我的人生变得更加成熟。
Lastly, in my own defense of my very interesting family-- to you, Dad, Eric Arnell Jones, you were my daddy, with all your strengths and weaknesses.
最后，我要为我非常有趣的家庭辩护——对你来说，爸爸，埃里克·阿内尔·琼斯，你是我的爸爸，有你所有的优点和缺点。
I wouldn't have traded you for the world or for another earthly father.
我不会用你来换取整个世界或另一个尘世的父亲。
I loved you.
我爱你。
To you, Mom, Joyce Ann Bost Jones, we would refer to you as Brick because of your non-compromising positions, but only when you did not agree with us.
对于你，妈妈，乔伊斯·安·博斯特·琼斯，我们会称你为“砖头”，因为你不妥协的立场，但只有当你不同意我们的观点时。
But as for your love for us, it never wavered, like a rock.
但您对我们的爱，始终如一，坚如磐石。
Brick, I loved you.
砖头，我爱你。
To my dearest brother, Jonathan Philemon Jones, we had our battles as siblings do.
感谢我最亲爱的兄弟乔纳森·菲利蒙·琼斯，我们像兄弟姐妹一样经历过战斗。
But when it matters, we, love, showed up.
但当重要的时候，我们，爱，出现了。
When you needed me, I came through.
当你需要我的时候，我挺身而出。
And when I needed you, Jonathan, you showed up big time.
当我需要你的时候，乔纳森，你就出现了。
At the end, I needed you.
最后，我需要你。
And you said yes.
你说是的。
Thank you.
谢谢。
And I loved you.
我爱你。
Don't you ever, ever forget that.
你永远、永远不要忘记这一点。
To the rest of my family-- uncles, aunts, cousins-- and friends, I hope my life has left you with an enduring and lasting picture frame of someone who lived life her way.
对于我的其他家人——叔叔、阿姨、表兄弟姐妹——和朋友们，我希望我的生活给你们留下了一幅持久的画面，描绘了一个按照自己的方式生活的人。
I loved you.
我爱你。
May the grace of God and His marvelous love and in His power sustain you forever.
愿上帝的恩典、奇妙的爱和力量永远支持你。
With all my love, Leiah.
带着我全部的爱，莉亚。
The words of Leiah Danielle Jones, who died March 12, read by actress Pernell Walker.
女演员佩内尔·沃克宣读了 3 月 12 日去世的莱娅·丹妮尔·琼斯 (Leiah Danielle Jones) 的遗言。
[MUSIC - "THE OTHER SIDE" BY JUDITH HILL]
[音乐 - 朱迪思·希尔的《另一面》]
Credits Ira Glass Well, our program was produced today by Elna Baker and Sean Cole.
图片来源：Ira Glass 嗯，我们今天的节目是由 Elna Baker 和 Sean Cole 制作的。
The people who put together today's show include Bim Adewunmi, Susan Burton, Ben Calhoun, Zoe Chace, Aviva DeKornfeld, Damien Graef, Chana Joffe-Walt, Rudy Lee, Seth Lind, Tobin Low, Miki Meek, Lina Misitzis, Stowe Nelson, Katherine Rae Mondo, Nadia Reiman, Ari Saperstein, Lilly Sullivan, Christopher Swetala, Matt Tierney, Julie Whitaker, and Diane Wu.
今天节目的制作人包括 Bim Adewunmi、Susan Burton、Ben Calhoun、Zoe Chace、Aviva DeKornfeld、Damien Graef、Chana Joffe-Walt、Rudy Lee、Seth Lind、Tobin Low、Miki Meek、Lina Misitzis、Stowe Nelson、Katherine Rae Mondo、Nadia Reiman、Ari Saperstein、Lilly Sullivan、Christopher Swetala、Matt蒂尔尼、朱莉·惠特克和黛安·吴。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Senior editor is David Kestenbaum.
高级编辑是 David Kestenbaum。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
Special thanks today to Amy Potter, Dale Larson, Amy Tucci, Katherine Supiano, Bonnie Carroll, Ken Doka, Katherine Shear, Karen Goldman, Carolyn Taverner, Catherine Toronto, Robert Neimeyer, Pauline Dyer Grey Cole, Maggie Cole, Brian and Peg Walter, and COVID Survivors for Change.
今天特别感谢 Amy Potter、Dale Larson、Amy Tucci、Katherine Supiano、Bonnie Carroll、Ken Doka、Katherine Shear、Karen Goldman、Carolyn Taverner、Catherine Toronto、Robert Neimeyer、Pauline Dyer Gray Cole、Maggie Cole、Brian 和 Peg Walter 以及新冠幸存者变革组织。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org。
You can stream our archive of over 700 episodes for absolutely free.
您可以完全免费地观看我们的 700 多集档案。
Also, there's videos.
另外，还有视频。
There's lists of favorite shows that we recommend for long car rides, tons of other stuff there, too.
我们为长途驾车推荐了一些最喜欢的节目列表，还有大量其他内容。
Again, thisamericanlife.org.
再说一次，thisamericanlife.org。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
He's actually picked up a second job to make a little extra money.
他实际上找到了第二份工作来赚点外快。
He's selling women's shoes out of the back of an SUV, saying things like--
他在一辆 SUV 的后座上卖女鞋，说的是——
What we have on this truck is going to be pumps.
我们在这辆卡车上配备的是泵。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
[MUSIC - "THE OTHER SIDE" BY JUDITH HILL]
[音乐 - 朱迪思·希尔的《另一面》]
This American Life This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
This American Life This American Life 与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。