721: The Walls Close In - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #721 | October 23, 2020 721: The Walls Close In Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 721 集 | 2020 年 10 月 23 日 721：围墙关闭 注意：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass There's this thing that happens in the first episode of the TV show Watchmen, which I finally saw last month.
序言：序言 Ira Glass 在电视节目《守望者》的第一集中发生了这样的事情，我上个月终于看到了。
I'm behind.
我落后了。
A woman is driving with her son on a sunny day, and suddenly the sky darkens and squids drop from the sky, like a hailstorm or something.
一个阳光明媚的日子里，一个女人带着儿子开车，突然天色暗下来，乌贼从天而降，就像下冰雹什么的。
But they're little squids, each one-- I don't know-- the length of your finger.
但它们都是小乌贼，每一个——我不知道——有你手指那么长。
Cars on the road pull over and wait.
路上的汽车停下来等待。
Squids land on them and on the ground, making this soggy layer of squid on the road.
鱿鱼落在它们和地面上，在路上形成一层湿漉漉的鱿鱼。
And then soon enough-- again, like a hailstorm-- it stops.
然后很快——又像冰雹一样——它停止了。
Sun comes back up.
太阳又升起来了。
Everybody starts their car again, heads to wherever they're heading, just like the most normal thing in the world.
每个人都再次启动车子，前往他们要去的地方，就像世界上最正常的事情一样。
No big deal, just another squid drop.
没什么大不了的，只是又一个鱿鱼掉落而已。
And when I saw that, I felt like that is exactly how things happen.
当我看到这一点时，我觉得事情就是这样发生的。
That's how things feel.
事情就是这样的感觉。
That's what everything feels like right now.
这就是现在一切的感觉。
Inconceivable stuff goes down all the time these days.
这些天总是有不可思议的事情发生。
And it's like, you can get used to anything.
就像，你可以习惯任何事情。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
Every few days, more Americans die from COVID than died in 9/11.
每隔几天，死于新冠病毒的美国人就会比 9/11 死亡人数还要多。
Wildfires are raging and continue to just rage.
野火正在肆虐，并将继续肆虐。
The president won't disavow white supremacists in a televised debate.
总统不会在电视辩论中否认白人至上主义者。
I'm used to all that.
我已经习惯了这一切。
That's just daily life, you know?
这只是日常生活，你知道吗？
Or there's this example of "you can get used to anything." Jay was having a normal, stressful day for 2020, meaning he does his job from his apartment on a computer at his kitchen table on Zoom.
或者有一个“你可以习惯任何事情”的例子。 Jay 在 2020 年度过了正常但充满压力的一天，这意味着他在公寓里通过厨房桌子上的电脑通过 Zoom 完成工作。
But he's also got to deal with his children during the workday.
但他在工作日还得照顾孩子。
So a couple weeks ago, he's a college professor and he's preparing a lecture for a class.
几周前，他是一名大学教授，正在为一堂课准备演讲。
And he's anxious about that, and he wants it to be good.
他对此感到焦虑，并且希望一切顺利。
And then at 3 o'clock, he has to go run, get his kids, and bring them home.
然后到了三点，他必须跑去接他的孩子，然后把他们带回家。
And he and his kids get back to their building at 3:20.
他和他的孩子们在 3 点 20 分回到了他们的大楼。
And he's trying to move quickly because his class starts at 3:30.
他正在努力加快速度，因为他的课 3:30 开始。
And he and his two kids get on the elevator to head up to their apartment.
他和他的两个孩子乘电梯前往他们的公寓。
And then all of a sudden, I feel the elevator start to drop.
然后突然，我感觉电梯开始下降。
It's like a half-second feeling, like when you're on a roller coaster.
这就像半秒钟的感觉，就像你在坐过山车一样。
And thankfully, it stops.
值得庆幸的是，它停止了。
How far do you guys drop?
你们跌到什么程度了？
Jay I don't know, just probably a couple of stories.
杰伊我不知道，大概只是几个故事。
You dropped a few stories?
你丢了几个故事吗？
Jay Yeah, and I look, and it's stuck at the third floor.
杰伊 是的，我一看，它卡在三楼了。
They push a button to call for help.
他们按下按钮寻求帮助。
And they're told somebody is going to be there to fix things, but it's going to take a little while.
他们被告知有人会在那里解决问题，但这需要一段时间。
And they wait.
他们等待着。
And my kids are starting to bicker with one another.
我的孩子们开始互相争吵。
And my daughter starts getting upset.
我女儿开始变得不安。
She's eight years old.
她八岁了。
And part of what's happening, Jay says, is that her big brother, who is 10 years old, has actually been stuck in an elevator once before when he was little.
杰伊说，部分原因是她 10 岁的哥哥小时候曾被困在电梯里。
So he's being all, what's the big deal?
所以他就是一切，有什么大不了的？
He was not rattled at all.
他一点也不慌乱。
And in fact, she starts to get upset.
事实上，她开始感到不安。
He starts to tell her that she's overreacting, and that makes her more upset.
他开始告诉她她反应过度，这让她更加不安。
And so I had to calm her down and tell him to stop teasing her.
所以我必须让她冷静下来并告诉他不要再取笑她了。
And then we took a couple selfies.
然后我们拍了几张自拍照。
And I tried to make it like a fun thing we're all going to remember and look back on and laugh on.
我试图让它成为一件有趣的事情，我们都会记住、回顾和发笑。
And so that kind of changed the mood in the elevator a little bit, at least briefly.
因此，这稍微改变了电梯里的气氛，至少是短暂的。
So, kids momentarily OK, Jay gets back to the other urgent matter that's on his mind-- his class.
所以，孩子们暂时好吧，杰伊回到他脑子里的另一件紧急事情——他的课。
It's over 300 students, this big intro psychology class, which still has not started.
300多名学生，这个心理学入门大班还没有开始。
There's still just enough time for him to quickly tap out a message on his phone-- "Dear class, I am currently trapped in an elevator in my apartment building.
时间还够他快速敲出手机上的一条信息——“同学们，我现在被困在公寓楼的电梯里。
So I'll join the Zoom call and start teaching once I'm safely out of here."
因此，一旦我安全离开这里，我就会加入 Zoom 通话并开始教学。”
Push Send, message goes out, and then-- nothing, right?
按发送，消息发出，然后——什么也没有，对吧？
They just stay put.
他们只是呆在原地。
And Jay starts to worry about his students, who are waiting for him on the Zoom call.
杰伊开始担心他的学生，他们正在 Zoom 电话中等待他。
10 minutes pass, 20.
10分钟过去了，20分。
And half an hour in, he decides he's going to try to teach the class on his phone from the elevator, which takes a little technical wrangling.
半小时后，他决定尝试在电梯里用手机授课，这需要一些技术上的争论。
He has to download Zoom to his phone with barely one bar of service, blah blah blah.
他必须将 Zoom 下载到他的手机上，而服务几乎没有一格，等等等等。
OK, this part is boring.
好吧，这部分很无聊。
But after a while, OK, no video, voice only, he's in!
但过了一会儿，好吧，没有视频，只有声音，他就进来了！
And I join the Zoom class.
我参加了 Zoom 课程。
And I'm trying to talk to them.
我正在尝试与他们交谈。
And I can hear their voices.
我能听到他们的声音。
And the students are all chit chatting with themself.
学生们都在自言自语。
And I can hear them kind of speculating about what might be happening to me, and they're laughing.
我能听到他们在猜测我可能会发生什么，他们在笑。
And I am trying to get their attention.
我正在努力引起他们的注意。
And they're all talking, and they couldn't hear me.
他们都在说话，但他们听不到我的声音。
And so I'm shouting at this point.
所以我在这一点上大喊大叫。
"It's me, it's Jay.
“是我，是杰伊。
I'm here.
我在这儿。
Hi, guys." [LAUGHS]
嗨，伙计们。” [笑]
So in the elevator, what's happening is, you're a grown man shouting into his phone.
所以在电梯里，发生的事情是，你是一个成年人，对着手机大喊大叫。
Is that right?
是这样吗？
Yeah.
是的。
And eventually I can hear someone say, "Hey, wait, shh.
最终我听到有人说：“嘿，等等，嘘。
I think I hear our professor.
我想我听到了我们教授的声音。
I think he's back."
我想他回来了。”
He has a moment of panic, like what am I going to say.
他有一瞬间的惊慌，就像我要说什么一样。
And then he launches in.
然后他就开始了。
With no notes, none of his slides.
没有笔记，没有他的幻灯片。
He gives the lecture that he'd planned.
他发表了他计划好的演讲。
And I can't see them, and they can't see me.
而且我看不到他们，他们也看不到我。
But it was working.
但它正在发挥作用。
It was all kind of coming back to me.
这一切都又回到了我的身边。
And I was able to deliver it, and I had their attention.
我能够交付它，并且引起了他们的注意。
Yeah, it starts to seem normal.
是的，它开始看起来很正常。
Yeah, eventually, I had adapted.
是的，最终我适应了。
My kids are being quiet.
我的孩子们很安静。
They're listening.
他们在听。
Can I ask you, do you remember how long it took?
我可以问你，你还记得花了多长时间吗？
How many minutes did it take before this started to seem normal?
过了多少分钟这才开始变得正常？
Four or five minutes!
四五分钟！
We are very adaptable creatures.
我们是适应性很强的生物。
Soon enough, the elevator jolts and starts to move again.
很快，电梯摇晃起来，又开始移动。
Jay gets back to his apartment, sits down at the kitchen table, logs onto Zoom, and teaches a couple hundred kids from his kitchen, which, of course, is also totally weird, but after months of doing that, it feels totally normal.
Jay 回到他的公寓，坐在厨房的桌子旁，登录 Zoom，并在他的厨房里教几百个孩子，这当然也很奇怪，但做了几个月后，感觉完全正常了。
Hey, did you consider not doing the class?
嘿，你考虑过不去上课吗？
Did you consider canceling?
您考虑过取消吗？
It's funny because that night, when I told my partner about this, she was like, why didn't you just cancel?
这很有趣，因为那天晚上，当我告诉我的伴侣这件事时，她说，你为什么不取消呢？
And she's a professor, but it's one of those things where it didn't cross my mind when I was in the situation.
她是一名教授，但当我处于这种情况时，这是我没有想到的事情之一。
My mind, early in that day, had been focused on being able to navigate this complex situation that was going to be stressful-- getting my kids and getting home, and then getting the lecture ready, which I had been prepping all day.
那天早些时候，我的注意力一直集中在如何应对这种充满压力的复杂情况上——带着我的孩子回家，然后准备好我一整天都在准备的讲座。
And so that had determined each little step I made.
这决定了我迈出的每一步。
And I never really stopped to think that I just shouldn't do it.
我从来没有真正停下来想过我不应该这样做。
That's all of us right now.
这就是我们现在的所有人。
Our lives this year are so strange.
今年我们的生活很奇怪。
And we just do the next task and the next one after that and the next one after that, and we do not think about how weird things have gotten.
我们只是做下一个任务，然后再做下一个任务，然后再做下一个任务，我们不会考虑事情变得多么奇怪。
Each little step naturally led to the next step.
每个小步骤自然会导致下一步。
And then it wasn't until I left the situation hours later, I was looking at it and realizing how absurd it was.
直到几个小时后我离开这个地方，我才意识到它是多么荒谬。
Well, from WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
嗯，来自 WBEZ 芝加哥，这是《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today, on our program, people trapped in small spaces, stuck in a situation, and coping because they have no choice.
今天，在我们的节目中，人们被困在狭小的空间里，陷入困境，并因他们别无选择而应对。
Jay, I think it's pretty clear, was not too bothered by his short time in the elevator, but in our other stories today, it is people who are stuck in a small space for way longer.
我认为很明显，杰伊并没有因为在电梯里的短暂时间而感到太困扰，但在我们今天的其他故事中，人们被困在狭小的空间里的时间更长。
In the first half of our program, we have a story where things get pretty dire.
在我们节目的前半部分，我们有一个故事，事情变得非常可怕。
And in the second half, it's not nearly so difficult.
而在下半场，事情就没那么困难了。
It's musicians who are confined to a tiny space for years, an uncomfortably tiny space.
音乐家们多年来被限制在一个狭小的空间里，一个令人不舒服的狭小空间。
And can I say, things get pretty weird there, too.
我可以说，那里的事情也变得很奇怪。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, The People Up the Stairs.
第一幕，楼上的人。
So we start today with a couple who've been penned into a small space for months now, hiding in an attic because their lives are on the line, surrounded by musty furniture and stacks of old paintings that are collecting dust.
因此，我们今天从一对夫妇开始，他们已经被关在一个狭小的空间里几个月了，他们躲在阁楼里，因为他们的生命岌岌可危，周围都是发霉的家具和成堆积满灰尘的旧画。
Kevin Sieff talked to them about the truly jaw-dropping story of how they got there.
凯文·西夫 (Kevin Sieff) 向他们讲述了他们如何到达那里的真正令人瞠目结舌的故事。
The attic has creaky wood floors and one small window, but they try not to go close to it.
阁楼上有吱吱作响的木地板和一扇小窗户，但他们尽量不靠近它。
They don't want to be seen.
他们不想被看到。
The ceilings are low.
天花板很低。
Moises, who's 6'1", has to crouch, but Jessica's fine.
身高 6 英尺 1 英寸的莫伊塞斯必须蹲下，但杰西卡没事。
They spend their time obsessing over not being heard.
他们把时间花在沉迷于不被人听到。
They try not to talk above a whisper or walk on the creaking floorboards.
他们尽量不小声说话，也不在吱吱作响的地板上行走。
Even sleeping is stressful.
连睡觉都会有压力。
When we sleep, Moises snores, and it scares me.
当我们睡觉时，莫伊塞斯打鼾，这让我害怕。
And sometimes I wake him up in the night when I hear that he's snoring.
有时我会在半夜听到他打鼾时把他叫醒。
I say, "Moises, try not to snore." But I don't think it's something that is under his control.
我说：“莫伊塞斯，尽量不要打鼾。”但我不认为这是他能控制的事情。
But it still bothers me because it's something that I don't think he should do.
但这仍然困扰着我，因为我认为这是他不应该做的事情。
Do you have to worry about every noise that you guys make?
你需要担心你们发出的每一个噪音吗？
Yeah, we have to be like ghosts in this house.
是的，我们必须像这房子里的幽灵一样。
How Moises and Jessica ended up in this attic, it goes back to how they met.
莫伊塞斯和杰西卡最终如何来到这个阁楼，这可以追溯到他们是如何相遇的。
It was 2016 on an anti-government WhatsApp group.
那是 2016 年，一个反政府 WhatsApp 群组。
They were both activists against the regime of Daniel Ortega, who has ruled Nicaragua on and off for 40 years.
他们都是反对丹尼尔·奥尔特加政权的积极分子，奥尔特加断断续续地统治了尼加拉瓜 40 年。
Then they started seeing each other at protests and meetings.
然后他们开始在抗议和会议上见面。
Jessica saw the nerdy guy, unafraid to go on national television, wearing a mask with the president's face on it and an x over the mouth, demanding freedom of expression.
杰西卡看到这个书呆子不害怕出现在国家电视上，戴着印有总统头像的面具，嘴上画着一个X，要求言论自由。
Moises saw the woman with the big brown eyes, often the last person to back down when the police showed up.
莫伊塞斯看到了那个有着棕色大眼睛的女人，当警察出现时，她常常是最后一个退缩的人。
At one protest, when 200 police closed in on a group of maybe 20 protesters, Moises looked for a place to run.
在一次抗议活动中，当 200 名警察包围了一群大约 20 名抗议者时，莫伊塞斯寻找地方逃跑。
But then he saw Jessica and another woman walk right up to the armed officers and start yelling in their faces.
但随后他看到杰西卡和另一名女子径直走到武装警察面前，开始对着他们大喊大叫。
So I kind of got brave also.
所以我也变得勇敢了。
I went to the frontline and stand with them, shoulder to shoulder, doing the same thing.
我走到前线，与他们并肩站在一起，做着同样的事情。
It's kind of a crazy moment to start a relationship with someone.
与某人开始建立关系是一个疯狂的时刻。
You're in the middle of basically a firing line, with this girl that you just started dating.
你基本上正处于与你刚刚开始约会的女孩的火线中间。
Yeah.
是的。
What I thought was, if they're going to kill me, I'm going to die happy right now, at least.
我的想法是，如果他们要杀了我，至少我现在会幸福地死去。
They got married and Moises adopted Jessica's daughter, Camila.
他们结婚了，莫伊塞斯收养了杰西卡的女儿卡米拉。
He got a job at a Sprint call center, talking to people from the States all day.
他在斯普林特呼叫中心找到了一份工作，整天与来自美国的人交谈。
Jessica worked for a company that made solar panels.
杰西卡在一家生产太阳能电池板的公司工作。
But still, their relationship was built around their activism.
但他们的关系仍然是围绕他们的行动主义建立的。
One parent picked up Camila at school, while the other organized a rally or held a press conference.
一位家长去学校接卡米拉，另一位家长则组织集会或召开新闻发布会。
At home, near the little girl's pile of toys, they kept masks for tear gas.
在家里，在小女孩的玩具堆附近，他们放置了催泪瓦斯面罩。
But the government's response got harsher.
但政府的反应变得更加严厉。
The regime began kidnapping its opponents.
该政权开始绑架其反对者。
Moises was grabbed by four or five men in unmarked cars and taken to El Chipote, an infamous prison documented by human rights groups as being a state-run torture site.
莫伊塞斯被四五个人抓进没有标记的汽车里，带到埃尔奇波特监狱，这是一所臭名昭著的监狱，被人权组织记录为国营酷刑场所。
A warning-- this next bit includes descriptions of violence.
警告——接下来的内容包括对暴力的描述。
They were hitting me in the head, in the stomach, in the legs, and they said, we're going to kill you, motherfucker.
他们打我的头、肚子、腿，然后他们说，我们要杀了你，混蛋。
You're never going to get out.
你永远出不去。
Now we got you.
现在我们找到你了。
Now we got you.
现在我们找到你了。
And they stripped me naked, did some things that they did to me that I will-- that my wife doesn't even know that they did to me because I don't feel like I want to tell her.
他们剥光了我的衣服，做了一些我愿意对我做的事情——我的妻子甚至不知道他们对我做了这些，因为我不想告诉她。
They do all horrible things over there.
他们在那里做所有可怕的事情。
They put electric shocks to your body.
他们会对你的身体进行电击。
They put a-- I don't know if you know what a-- a police stick they use to beat you up.
他们放了一根——我不知道你是否知道——一根警棍，用来殴打你。
They introduce that into your anal cavity, so make sure they make you talk.
他们会将其引入您的肛腔，因此请确保他们让您说话。
He was held for two days.
他被关押了两天。
Not long after they released him, Jessica went to a protest that was broken up by police.
他们释放杰西卡后不久，他参加了一场抗议活动，但被警察驱散。
Officers kicked her in the stomach and hit her with the butt of a gun.
警察踢她的腹部，并用枪托打她。
She was pregnant.
她怀孕了。
She lost the baby.
她失去了孩子。
Late last year, they realized they couldn't stay anymore.
去年年底，他们意识到自己不能再留下来了。
They needed to escape, and their plan was to go to the US.
他们需要逃离，他们的计划是去美国。
And they had a good reason to think they would be welcomed there.
他们有充分的理由认为他们会在那里受到欢迎。
Jessica and Moises' brand of activism, it was championed by Republicans, including the Trump administration, for its defiance of a left-wing autocrat.
杰西卡和莫伊塞斯的激进主义品牌，因其对左翼独裁者的蔑视而受到包括特朗普政府在内的共和党人的支持。
They were called freedom fighters.
他们被称为自由战士。
"We stand with you," Republican senators said in statements and tweets.
“我们与你们站在一起，”共和党参议员在声明和推文中表示。
In 2018, Ted Cruz gave a whole speech about US support for Nicaraguan activists like them.
2018年，特德·克鲁兹发表了一次完整的演讲，谈到美国对像他们这样的尼加拉瓜活动人士的支持。
To the people of Nicaragua, the American people stand with you in your fight for freedom and for the rule of law.
对于尼加拉瓜人民，美国人民与你们站在一起，为自由和法治而战。
To the half million protesters who risked your lives, I say thank you.
对于冒着生命危险的五十万抗议者，我说谢谢。
Thank you for your courage.
谢谢你的勇气。
And remember, truth has power.
请记住，真理具有力量。
That support, it's part of what made their asylum case seem winnable, because it fell under the category of political persecution.
这种支持是他们的庇护案看起来可以获胜的部分原因，因为它属于政治迫害的范畴。
It was one sliver of the asylum system left intact, after years of dismantling.
这是经过多年拆除后完好无损的庇护系统的一小部分。
In all sorts of ways, getting asylum in the US has become almost impossible.
从各种角度来看，在美国获得庇护几乎变得不可能。
Asylum seekers are being turned away at the border, told, "Nope, we're closed." Cases are incredibly hard to win even when they do get to the courts.
寻求庇护者在边境被拒之门外，并被告知：“不，我们已经关闭了。”即使案件上了法庭，打赢也极其困难。
But the Trump administration did leave at least one window cracked.
但特朗普政府确实至少打开了一扇窗户。
One of the few categories of asylum seekers that it purported to accept-- people who were threatened, tortured, jailed for their politics.
这是它声称接受的少数几类寻求庇护者之一——因为政治观点而受到威胁、酷刑和监禁的人。
Especially when their politics overlapped with US interests-- people like Moises and Jessica.
尤其是当他们的政治与美国利益重叠时——像莫伊塞斯和杰西卡这样的人。
Moises and Jessica were a perfect asylum case for another reason.
莫伊塞斯和杰西卡成为完美的庇护案例还有另一个原因。
Their persecution was documented, and it was public.
他们的迫害被记录下来，并且是公开的。
As activists, they had become famous.
作为活动家，他们已经出名了。
Their protests had been televised.
他们的抗议活动已通过电视转播。
They'd held nationally-broadcast press conferences.
他们举行了全国广播的新闻发布会。
People recognized them in the streets all the time.
人们在街上总是认出他们。
Even the State Department had tweeted about specific confrontations they'd had with the paramilitary.
甚至国务院也在推特上发布了他们与准军事部队的具体对抗。
At any other time in recent US history, they would likely have been admitted.
在美国近代史上的任何其他时候，他们都可能被录取。
But instead, they're in hiding.
但相反，他们躲藏起来了。
I wanted to understand why.
我想知道为什么。
I've been covering immigration for the last few years, and this, to me, felt like the last chapter in the disintegration of asylum.
过去几年我一直在报道移民问题，对我来说，这感觉就像是庇护解体的最后一章。
So I called Moises and Jessica in the attic to hear about their journey from start to finish, to learn what happened.
所以我打电话给阁楼上的莫伊塞斯和杰西卡，听他们讲述从开始到结束的旅程，了解发生了什么。
In late 2019, they started to get ready.
2019年底，他们开始做准备。
Moises studied the US government website for the asylum requirements.
莫伊塞斯研究了美国政府网站的庇护要求。
He read about the importance of supporting your case with evidence.
他了解到用证据支持你的案件的重要性。
So he bought a black backpack, and he filled it with all the evidence he could gather-- videos of their protests and press conferences, reports from the Human Rights Commission and the State Department, statements from the White House and the Republican senators.
于是他买了一个黑色背包，装满了他能收集到的所有证据——抗议和新闻发布会的视频、人权委员会和国务院的报告、白宫和共和党参议员的声明。
Moises also wrote a five-page declaration, a long essay enumerating every threat, every beating he'd received from the government.
莫伊塞斯还写了一份长达五页的声明，这是一篇长文，列举了他从政府收到的每一次威胁和每一次殴打。
He included the names of his torturers.
他还列出了折磨他的人的名字。
He'd read online that the details could help his family's asylum case, so he was as specific as possible.
他在网上读到这些细节可以帮助他家人的庇护申请，所以他尽可能具体。
The backpack took on a kind of sacred role for them.
背包对他们来说扮演着一种神圣的角色。
It was their proof that they were deserving of the sliver of asylum that remained available in the US.
这是他们的证据，证明他们值得获得美国仍然可以获得的一小部分庇护。
Then Moises and Jessica talked to Camila, their eight-year-old daughter.
然后莫伊塞斯和杰西卡与他们八岁的女儿卡米拉交谈。
Camila is outgoing, loves LEGOs and TikTok videos.
卡米拉性格外向，喜欢乐高积木和 TikTok 视频。
They sat her down, and Moises described all of the dangers they would face on their journey across the border.
他们让她坐下，莫伊塞斯描述了他们在穿越边境的旅程中将面临的所有危险。
Camila told them she was ready to go.
卡米拉告诉他们她已经准备好出发了。
At 3 o'clock one morning, they left their house outside of Managua and headed 2,000 miles north.
一天凌晨 3 点，他们离开马那瓜郊外的家，向北行驶 2,000 英里。
By early July, they were moving through the desert of northern Mexico.
七月初，他们穿过墨西哥北部的沙漠。
It was scorching, and COVID cases were spiking.
天气炎热，新冠病例激增。
Moises had gamed everything out.
莫伊塞斯已经把一切都算出来了。
He wrapped some of his asylum evidence in plastic in case it got wet.
他用塑料包裹了一些庇护证据，以防弄湿。
And he picked where they would cross the border-- Texas.
他选择了他们要过境的地方——德克萨斯州。
Since we heard so many things about the Texas senator Ted Cruz, which is a guy that always talk about the Nicaraguan regime and everything.
因为我们听说了很多关于德克萨斯州参议员特德·克鲁兹的事情，他是一个总是谈论尼加拉瓜政权和一切的人。
We thought, oh my god, it was a good place because we're in Texas, which he is from.
我们想，天哪，这是一个好地方，因为我们在德克萨斯州，他来自那里。
During tough moments on the journey to the border, Moises and Jessica had tried to convince Camila that the whole trip was a game.
在前往边境的艰难时刻，莫伊塞斯和杰西卡试图让卡米拉相信整个旅程就是一场游戏。
"It'll get more fun," they said.
“这会变得更有趣，”他们说。
"Soon we'll be in Disney World.
“很快我们就会进入迪士尼世界。
You'll eat a McDonald's hamburger." Camila played along at first, but by the time they got to the border, she was exhausted and scared.
你会吃一个麦当劳汉堡。”卡米拉一开始还配合，但当他们到达边境时，她已经筋疲力尽，而且很害怕。
Jessica scouted out the Rio Grande.
杰西卡侦察了格兰德河。
Neither she nor Camila could swim, so she nervously looked for the shallowest part.
她和卡米拉都不会游泳，所以她紧张地寻找最浅的地方。
So as we were walking into the river, it was as if fate had intervened.
所以当我们走进河里时，命运就好像介入了一样。
Because every time we took a step in the water, there was always a rock that we could see.
因为每次我们在水中迈出一步，总会看到一块岩石。
That is, it was as if God had placed stones there so that we could walk and nothing would happen to us.
也就是说，就好像上帝把石头放在那里，让我们可以行走，而不会发生任何事情。
The water never got that high.
水从来没有那么高。
I don't even think it got above our knees.
我什至不认为它超过了我们的膝盖。
And so when we got to the other side, we saw the people from Border Patrol.
所以当我们到达另一边时，我们看到了边境巡逻队的人。
Jessica felt a rush of relief.
杰西卡感到一阵轻松。
That's it, she thought.
就是这样，她想。
The hardest part is over.
最难的部分已经结束了。
A Border Patrol agent got out of a truck.
一名边境巡逻人员从卡车上下来。
Moises had been planning for this moment, and he knew exactly what to do.
莫伊塞斯已经为这一刻做好了计划，他清楚地知道该怎么做。
And Moises speaks fluent English, which is incredibly unusual for an asylum seeker.
莫伊塞斯能说流利的英语，这对于寻求庇护者来说是非常不寻常的。
He took off his backpack, and he spread out the pile of evidence supporting his asylum claim.
他取下背包，摊开一堆支持他庇护申请的证据。
I say right away, we're from Nicaragua.
我马上说，我们来自尼加拉瓜。
We apply for asylum.
我们申请庇护。
We're seeking political asylum.
我们正在寻求政治庇护。
Here are these, including we have our passports.
这是这些，包括我们的护照。
And they took notes and everything.
他们记下了笔记和一切。
The border patrol separated Moises from Jessica and Camila.
边境巡逻队将莫伊塞斯与杰西卡和卡米拉分开。
They took his bag with all the evidence in it.
他们拿走了他的包，里面有所有的证据。
For 12 days, they were detained in small, crowded tents.
他们被关押在又小又拥挤的帐篷里长达12天。
They were just sitting on the ground, waiting, in the same clothes they'd worn on the trip north.
他们只是坐在地上等待，穿着他们北上时穿的衣服。
When we got there, we were wet.
当我们到达那里时，我们都湿透了。
When we crossed the river, our shoes and our pants got wet, and they did dry off, but they dried off on our bodies.
过河的时候，鞋子、裤子都湿了，确实干了，但是干在我们身上。
And the shoes gave me a fungus on my feet because I didn't take them off.
这双鞋让我的脚上长了真菌，因为我没有脱掉它们。
When we got there, we couldn't bathe.
当我们到达那里时，我们不能洗澡。
Our clothes were itching us so much, my underwear especially.
我们的衣服太痒了，尤其是我的内衣。
Moises kept repeating himself to janitors, guards, anyone.
莫伊塞斯不断地对看门人、警卫、任何人重复自己的话。
When can we apply for asylum, he asked.
我们什么时候可以申请庇护，他问道。
Where is my backpack?
我的背包在哪里？
Finally, some guards came to get them.
最后，一些警卫过来接他们。
The guard said, "Everyone, get your stuff.
门卫说道：“大家，拿好东西。”
We're taking you on a bus."
我们送你坐公共汽车。”
They handed Moises his backpack.
他们把他的背包递给莫伊塞斯。
It seemed to Jessica like they were about to be released and allowed to apply for asylum.
在杰西卡看来，他们似乎即将被释放并被允许申请庇护。
We were all happy.
我们都很高兴。
We were all hugging each other because the rumor was that when that bus arrived, it was going to take us to wherever we were going to be, like Miami or wherever the people meeting you were.
我们都互相拥抱，因为有传言说，当那辆公共汽车到达时，它会带我们去任何我们要去的地方，比如迈阿密或任何遇见你的人。
And so we were happy because we thought that this entire bitter journey was going to come to an end.
所以我们很高兴，因为我们认为这整个痛苦的旅程即将结束。
She looked at Moises to see if he was also feeling hopeful, but Moises was more skeptical, and Jessica noticed.
她看着莫伊塞斯，看他是否也感到充满希望，但莫伊塞斯更加怀疑，杰西卡注意到了。
The US, it turns out, had used coronavirus as an excuse to shutter what was left of the US asylum system.
事实证明，美国以冠状病毒为借口关闭了美国剩余的庇护系统。
In March, the Centers for Disease Control wrote an order saying that asylum seekers could be expelled because they pose a risk to public health during the pandemic.
今年三月，疾病控制中心发布了一项命令，称寻求庇护者可能会被驱逐，因为他们在大流行期间对公共健康构成风险。
It later turned out that the order was conceived of by immigration officials at the White House, not medical experts.
后来事实证明，该命令是由白宫移民官员而非医学专家提出的。
And even though Moises, Jessica, and Camila tested negative for coronavirus while in custody, they could be deported.
即使莫伊塞斯、杰西卡和卡米拉在拘留期间的冠状病毒检测呈阴性，他们也可能被驱逐出境。
But they didn't know that.
但他们不知道这一点。
They were kept in an information black hole for a few days and then put in a van.
他们被关在信息黑洞里几天，然后被放进一辆货车里。
No one would tell them where they were going.
没有人会告诉他们要去哪里。
At what point do you realize that the van is going to the airport?
您什么时候意识到货车要前往机场？
When after-- and when they stop the first time and then continue the trip, my wife told me that, oh, look, there's some signs, street signs that say "Airport," "Brownsville." Then we realized, oh my god, we're going to the airport.
当他们第一次停下来然后继续旅行时，我的妻子告诉我，哦，看，有一些标志，街道标志写着“机场”，“布朗斯维尔”。然后我们意识到，天哪，我们要去机场。
Then we're going back to Nicaragua.
然后我们将返回尼加拉瓜。
Well, I started thinking, my god, what am I going to do?
好吧，我开始想，天哪，我该怎么办？
They're going to put me in jail again in Nicaragua.
他们将再次把我关进尼加拉瓜的监狱。
They're going to arrest me.
他们要逮捕我。
They're going to shoot me in the head.
他们会朝我的头开枪。
They're going to disappear myself and my wife.
我和我的妻子他们将会消失。
They're going to send me to another Chipote for the rest of my life.
他们要把我的余生送到另一个Chipote去。
Now they really make sure they're going to kill me.
现在他们真的确定要杀了我。
Well, Camila was sleeping, and Moises was very nervous.
好吧，卡米拉正在睡觉，莫伊塞斯非常紧张。
I think it's one of the few times I've ever seen him cry.
我想这是我见过他哭的少数几次之一。
And it's really only a few times that he has, because I can tell you that I can count them on one hand and still have fingers left over.
而且他确实只有几次，因为我可以告诉你，我可以用一只手数出来，而且还剩下手指头。
But that day, I did see him cry.
但那天，我确实看到他哭了。
And he was crying a lot because, obviously, he was very scared.
他哭得很厉害，因为显然他非常害怕。
And when you saw Moises crying, what did you say?
当你看到莫伊塞斯哭泣时，你说什么？
Did you say anything?
你有说什么吗？
Not really.
并不真地。
I didn't say anything.
我什么也没说。
I just looked at him, and he told me, "What are we going to do?
我只是看着他，他告诉我：“我们要做什么？
What's going to happen?
将会发生什么？
I'm scared that they're going to take me to the Chipote." And I didn't say anything.
我害怕他们会带我去Chipot。”我什么也没说。
I kept quiet because I also thought that that was going to happen.
我保持沉默，因为我也认为这将会发生。
So I couldn't tell him that that wasn't going to happen when, deep down, I felt that it would.
所以我不能告诉他那不会发生，而我内心深处却觉得它会发生。
Moises and Jessica first tried not to believe what was happening.
莫伊塞斯和杰西卡一开始不敢相信所发生的事情。
In all of their planning, they'd never considered that this could happen.
在他们所有的计划中，他们从未考虑过这种情况会发生。
Never before in the modern history of the US asylum system has the US sent political dissidents back to the country they fled without first allowing them to open asylum applications.
在美国庇护制度的现代史上，美国从来没有在没有先允许政治异见人士提出庇护申请的情况下将他们送回他们逃离的国家。
Yet there they were, being sent back to Nicaragua, delivered into the hands of their torturers.
然而他们却被送回尼加拉瓜，交到施虐者手中。
Police would be waiting for them at the airport.
警察将在机场等候他们。
And they weren't alone.
他们并不孤单。
Dozens of Nicaraguan asylum seekers were herded onto a charter plane, destined for a country whose treatment of political prisoners, the State Department said, demonstrates the regime's utter disregard for human life and democratic freedoms.
美国国务院表示，数十名尼加拉瓜寻求庇护者被赶上一架包机，目的地是这个国家，该国对待政治犯的方式表明该政权完全无视人的生命和民主自由。
Not only is it a break from US policy going back decades, it's also a clear violation of international refugee law.
这不仅违背了美国几十年前的政策，而且明显违反了国际难民法。
I talked to people at the UN, and they were like, yeah, this is definitely illegal.
我和联合国的人交谈过，他们说，是的，这绝对是非法的。
US Customs and Border Protection did not respond to my request for comment.
美国海关和边境保护局没有回应我的置评请求。
They claim that people seeking asylum still receive credible fear interviews, though I didn't find any evidence to support that.
他们声称寻求庇护的人仍然接受可信的恐惧访谈，尽管我没有找到任何证据支持这一点。
The pilot comes on the intercom and calmly tells people to put their seatbelts on, like it's a normal flight.
飞行员通过对讲机平静地告诉人们系好安全带，就像正常航班一样。
Meanwhile, the passengers are freaking out.
与此同时，乘客们都惊慌失措。
They're still not completely sure where they're going.
他们仍然不完全确定他们要去哪里。
Well, this time when we took off, the pilot said, well, the time expected to Nicaragua is three hours, something like that.
嗯,这次我们起飞的时候,飞行员说,嗯,预计到尼加拉瓜的时间是三个小时,大概就是这样。
And I say, oh my god, then we-- oh, now we're really going back, you know?
我说，天哪，然后我们——哦，现在我们真的要回去了，你知道吗？
It's, like, you feel unsecure, and you feel like there's nothing I can do.
就像，你感到不安全，你觉得我无能为力。
I cannot jump from the plane.
我无法从飞机上跳下来。
The passengers were whispering to each other.
乘客们互相窃窃私语。
"If they take me straight to prison, call my mom," one man said.
“如果他们直接把我送进监狱，请给我妈妈打电话，”一名男子说。
"Whoever disappears, we should all assume he's in Chipote," said another.
另一位网友表示：“无论谁失踪，我们都应该假设他在奇波特。”
Moises recognized some of the other activists.
莫伊塞斯认出了其他一些活动人士。
He told me and my producer Nadia Reiman about it.
他告诉了我和我的制片人纳迪亚·雷曼（Nadia Reiman）这件事。
And everybody was in shackles.
每个人都戴着枷锁。
Everybody was in handcuffs.
每个人都戴着手铐。
We were pretty sure.
我们非常确定。
Oh, man, this is a-- I remember this movie Con Air.
哦，伙计，这是——我记得这部电影《Con Air》。
Everybody was running in the plane.
每个人都在飞机上奔跑。
Everybody was fighting with the officers about, I don't want to go back to Nicaragua.
每个人都在与警察发生争执，因为我不想回到尼加拉瓜。
I don't want to be sent to Nicaragua.
我不想被送到尼加拉瓜。
And--
还有——
Wait, people are saying that on the plane?
等等，飞机上的人都这么说？
Interpreter Camila was sitting beside the window, Moises beside the aisle.
翻译卡米拉坐在窗边，莫伊塞斯坐在过道旁边。
And I was in the middle because I'm afraid of flying.
我处于中间，因为我害怕坐飞机。
But I was so scared from the uncertainty from not knowing what was awaiting us that I wasn't even scared of flying.
但我对不确定性感到非常害怕，因为不知道等待我们的是什么，所以我什至不害怕飞行。
I told Moises that I couldn't even feel what the pilot was doing.
我告诉莫伊塞斯，我什至感觉不到飞行员在做什么。
I didn't even feel like I was flying on an airplane.
我什至感觉不到自己是在乘坐飞机。
While they're mid-air, Moises realizes something-- the backpack.
当他们在半空中时，莫伊塞斯意识到了一些东西——背包。
This bag full of evidence, he's about to land with it, and the police are going to see it.
这个装满证据的袋子，他即将带着它降落，警察会看到它。
He can't think about anything else.
他无法思考任何其他事情。
The US immigration agents put it with the checked luggage, so it was somewhere in the belly of the plane.
美国移民局把它和托运行李放在一起，所以它在飞机腹部的某个地方。
Moises couldn't even hold it, couldn't look at what was inside, and come up with a plan.
莫伊塞斯甚至无法握住它，无法查看里面的内容，也无法想出计划。
If the police find it, they'll see that he listed the names of specific torturers and what they did to him.
如果警察找到它，他们会看到他列出了特定酷刑者的姓名以及他们对他做了什么。
Maybe they would decide to kill him just for that.
也许他们会为此决定杀了他。
Maybe they rape his daughter, he thinks.
他想，也许他们强奸了他的女儿。
His mind is spiraling out of control.
他的思绪正在失控。
Next to him, Jessica is busy trying to soothe Camila, feeding her Doritos.
在他旁边，杰西卡正忙着安抚卡米拉，喂她多力多滋。
When we left, that backpack for me was the hope that I had, so I can make it to the US and apply for asylum.
当我们离开时，那个背包对我来说是我的希望，这样我就可以到达美国并申请庇护。
It was like my savior, my ticket to freedom.
它就像我的救世主，我通向自由的门票。
And when I was coming back to Nicaragua, it was the opposite.
当我回到尼加拉瓜时，情况恰恰相反。
I was thinking, oh my god, that is the reason why they're going to shoot me or they're going to kill me.
我在想，天啊，这就是他们要射杀我或者杀了我的原因。
Because that's where I have all the evidence and the proof that I had.
因为那是我拥有所有证据和我所拥有的证据的地方。
So the same backpack that was going to take me to freedom is the one that's going to kill me right now.
所以，那个原本要带我走向自由的背包现在却要杀了我。
When the plane lands, Moises looks out the window at the fleet of Nicaraguan soldiers and police waiting for them.
飞机降落后，莫伊塞斯看着窗外等待他们的尼加拉瓜士兵和警察。
Everyone gets in line, walking down the steps of the plane.
每个人都排队，走下飞机的台阶。
Moises and Jessica and all of the others are led into a garage-like office, where the government is conducting interrogations.
莫伊塞斯、杰西卡和其他人都被带进一个车库一样的办公室，政府正在那里进行审讯。
They're patted down, their government IDs are confiscated.
他们被搜身，他们的政府身份证被没收。
The whole time, Moises is thinking about his backpack.
莫伊塞斯一直在想着他的背包。
One officer snapped pictures of them.
一名警官给他们拍了照片。
Another addressed them by name and asked what they were doing in the US and why they were deported.
另一个人直呼他们的名字，询问他们在美国做什么以及为什么被驱逐出境。
Moises tried to avoid answering.
莫伊塞斯试图避免回答。
"They got me in Texas," he said, shrugging it off.
“他们在德克萨斯州抓到了我，”他耸耸肩说道。
They're led to another area full of police.
他们被带到另一个布满警察的区域。
Jessica and Camila walk hand-in-hand.
杰西卡和卡米拉手牵手散步。
But Moises' eyes dart around, frantically searching for some sign of his backpack.
但莫伊塞斯的眼睛四处扫视，疯狂地寻找他背包的踪迹。
Finally, he sees the luggage cart pull up, and there it is.
最后，他看到行李车停了下来，就在那里。
Moises grabs his backpack and turns to face the wall of a building.
莫伊塞斯抓起背包，转身面向建筑物的墙壁。
It's the closest he can get to hiding.
这是他最接近隐藏的地方。
He reaches into the backpack and feels for the pages.
他把手伸进背包，摸索书页。
He finds a statement, the document that outlines in explicit detail everything that happened to them.
他找到了一份声明，这份文件明确详细地概述了发生在他们身上的一切。
And I knew that the first paper that I touched, I knew it was that statement.
我知道我接触到的第一张纸就是这样的陈述。
So when I noticed that they were not looking at me, I grabbed it and I put it in a fist, inside my fist.
所以当我注意到他们没有看我时，我抓住了它，把它放在拳头里，放在我的拳头里。
Then after that, I did it like I was wiping my face with the paper, like I was sweating because it was a lot of-- it was very hot when we got there.
然后，我就像用纸擦脸一样，就像我出汗一样，因为我们到达那里时非常热。
So I was sweating a lot.
所以我出了很多汗。
So what I did is I made them think that I was using the paper to clean my sweat.
所以我所做的就是让他们认为我在用纸来擦汗。
Then when they were not looking, I was going to throw it in the trash can, actually.
然后趁他们不注意的时候，我实际上打算把它扔进垃圾桶。
I thought about it.
我想了一下。
But I said, oh my god, I'm not going to throw it in the trash can.
但我说，天哪，我不会把它扔进垃圾桶。
They might see me, or they might find it, you know?
他们可能会看到我，或者他们可能会找到我，你知道吗？
So what I did is the first thing that I thought, which was going to start eating it, real fast.
所以我做的第一件事就是我想到的，那就是要开始吃它，非常快。
Oh my god.
我的天啊。
Moises And it was wet because of the sweat, and so it was easy to swallow.
莫伊塞斯 而且因为出汗，它是湿的，所以很容易吞咽。
Wait, so how many pages that you actually eat?
等等，那么你实际上吃了多少页？
There were five pages.
有五页。
Kevin Sieff How did you eat five pages of this paper?
凯文·西夫 你是怎么吃掉这篇论文的五页的？
I don't know, man.
我不知道，伙计。
I think it was real scary.
我觉得这真的很可怕。
I just started swallowing.
我刚开始吞咽。
My wife says that I have a big mouth.
我老婆说我嘴巴很大。
I think that helped.
我认为这有帮助。
So when I realized in a couple of seconds, I really had everything, and choking through my throat, so I started swallowing.
所以当我在几秒钟内意识到，我真的拥有了一切，并且喉咙被噎住，所以我开始吞咽。
Well, because of the sweat, it was very, very salty.
嗯，因为出汗，所以非常非常咸。
It was terrible.
太可怕了。
As they walk through the crowd of police, he kept waiting for them to take him away.
当他们穿过警察人群时，他一直在等待他们把他带走。
He kept waiting for them to open his bag.
他一直在等待他们打开他的包。
They never did.
他们从来没有这样做过。
Instead, the police drove Moises, Jessica, and Camila to Jessica's mom's house in a patrol truck.
相反，警察用巡逻车将莫伊塞斯、杰西卡和卡米拉送到杰西卡妈妈家。
When they got there, the police started taking more photos, like they were scouting a crime scene.
当他们到达那里时，警察开始拍摄更多照片，就像他们正在侦察犯罪现场一样。
So when we got out, Camila was very skinny.
所以当我们出来时，卡米拉非常瘦。
Since we left, she had lost weight.
自从我们离开后，她体重减轻了。
So my mom didn't recognize her.
所以我妈妈不认识她。
When she saw the three of us, she didn't even recognize us.
当她看到我们三个时，她根本不认识我们。
We got out of the van, and they said, "We're going to hand over your family members now, and we'd like to take a picture so that there's evidence that the people who were deported were handed to their family members."
我们下了车，他们说：“我们现在要交出你的家人，我们想拍张照片，以便有证据表明被驱逐的人已经交给他们的家人了。”
This is how Nicaragua's para-police often work.
这就是尼加拉瓜辅助警察经常的工作方式。
They make note of where you live, and when they want to, they go after you.
他们会记下你住在哪里，当他们想要的时候，他们就会追捕你。
Moises and Jessica had to figure out what to do next.
莫伊塞斯和杰西卡必须弄清楚下一步该做什么。
After a few days, they noticed that the police were circling the house.
几天后，他们注意到警察正在房子周围巡逻。
The police called it random and asked about Camila.
警察称这是随机事件，并询问了卡米拉的情况。
Staying at a known address was too dangerous.
留在已知地址太危险了。
They didn't think the police would hurt Camila, but what if they came for Moises or Jessica while Camila was there?
他们认为警察不会伤害卡米拉，但如果卡米拉在场时他们来抓莫伊塞斯或杰西卡怎么办？
She could be swept up in the violence.
她可能会被卷入暴力之中。
So Moises and Jessica relocated to the attic of a safe house and left Camila.
于是莫伊塞斯和杰西卡搬到了安全屋的阁楼，留下了卡米拉。
They told her, "We'll see you soon," but truthfully, they had no idea when.
他们告诉她，“我们很快就会见到你”，但说实话，他们不知道什么时候。
It was brutal to say goodbye, but what was the alternative, they thought.
他们想，说再见是残酷的，但还有什么选择呢？
If Camila was attacked on their behalf, that would be much worse.
如果卡米拉代表他们受到攻击，那就更糟糕了。
Jessica cried when she said goodbye.
杰西卡告别时哭了。
That was about two months ago.
那是大约两个月前的事了。
She's cried most days since.
从那以后她大部分时间都在哭。
[SPANISH] Interpreter I still do.
[西班牙语] 口译员我仍然这样做。
I still feel guilty.
我仍然感到内疚。
We're in hiding.
我们躲起来了。
I can't always see my daughter.
我不能总是见到我的女儿。
And I can't keep every promise that I made.
我无法兑现我做出的每一个承诺。
I feel like I failed as a mother.
我觉得我作为一个母亲很失败。
Their days are now about hiding.
他们现在的日子就是躲起来了。
They spent weeks in the attic, sleeping on the floor.
他们在阁楼里待了几个星期，睡在地板上。
And now they're a floor below in a tiny, mostly empty bedroom.
现在他们在楼下一间狭小的、几乎空荡荡的卧室里。
But they're still just as afraid of being found.
但他们仍然害怕被发现。
The landlord warns them when someone is downstairs so they can remain extra quiet.
当楼下有人时，房东会警告他们，这样他们就可以保持格外安静。
When one of them drops something or accidentally makes a loud noise, they're like, did anyone hear that?
当他们中的一个掉下东西或不小心发出很大的声音时，他们会想，有人听到了吗？
Is that the thing that's going to give us away?
这就是会出卖我们的东西吗？
Sometimes, Jessica wakes up and, for an instant, has no idea where she is.
有时，杰西卡醒来后，有一瞬间不知道自己在哪里。
She has to remind herself, I'm back in Nicaragua.
她必须提醒自己，我回到了尼加拉瓜。
I'm in hiding in my own country.
我躲在自己的国家。
They're back where they were a year ago, asking the same questions.
他们又回到一年前的地方，问同样的问题。
Should we leave?
我们应该离开吗？
And when?
什么时候？
This time, the answers are harder to agree on.
这一次，答案更难达成一致。
Sometimes, we have very intense arguments because, right now, we don't know what's going to happen.
有时，我们会发生非常激烈的争论，因为现在我们不知道会发生什么。
We don't know how long things are going to be like this.
我们不知道这样的情况还要持续多久。
It's like being in jail without the torture.
就像在监狱里一样，没有遭受酷刑。
But I think there is torture psychologically, emotionally, because you can't be near the people you love.
但我认为心理上、情感上都存在折磨，因为你无法靠近你所爱的人。
How many times a day do you think about what you're going to do, about your plans for what to do next?
您每天会思考多少次您要做什么，以及您下一步做什么的计划？
[SPANISH] Interpreter I think up until a few days ago, it was up to 20 hours a day.
[西班牙语] 口译员 我想直到几天前，每天的工作时间都达到了 20 个小时。
But I've decided that I need to wait.
但我决定我需要等待。
One day this month, Moises made it very clear that the door was closed, that we just needed to wait for the door to open, that we just needed to have patience because I don't know what else we can do.
这个月的一天，莫伊塞斯明确表示，门已关闭，我们只需等待门打开，我们只需要有耐心，因为我不知道我们还能做什么。
We can't think about leaving if we don't have the economic means.
如果我们没有经济能力，我们就不会考虑离开。
But we can't think about staying here because I don't know how much longer we can.
但我们不能考虑留在这里，因为我不知道我们还能坚持多久。
Most of the people arriving at the US border these days know that the asylum system has been whittled away.
如今，大多数抵达美国边境的人都知道庇护制度已被削弱。
Like Moises and Jessica, they knew it wasn't going to be easy, that it could take years.
像莫伊塞斯和杰西卡一样，他们知道这并不容易，可能需要数年时间。
But they believed in their case.
但他们相信自己的情况。
That pile of papers in Moises' backpack-- anyone who saw them would be convinced, they thought.
莫伊塞斯背包里的那堆文件——他们想，任何看到它们的人都会被说服。
What they didn't believe-- and why would they-- was that no one would even look and that the backpack would end up back in a safe house next to Moises' head when he sleeps.
他们不相信——为什么他们不相信——没有人会看，而且当莫伊塞斯睡觉时，背包最终会回到莫伊塞斯头部旁边的安全屋里。
Everything's still inside the way it was when they left for the first time.
一切都还是他们第一次离开时的样子。
Kevin Sieff is the Mexico and Central America Bureau chief for The Washington Post.
凯文·西耶夫 (Kevin Sieff) 是《华盛顿邮报》墨西哥和中美洲分社社长。
A version of this story appeared in The Washington Post and in their daily podcast, Post Reports.
这个故事的一个版本出现在《华盛顿邮报》及其每日播客《邮报报道》中。
Coming up, people who work in a field where it is really hard to find a good, steady job.
接下来，那些在很难找到一份好的、稳定的工作的领域工作的人。
These people find one, and then the only problem is, they have to actually come in and do the job every day, exactly the way they did it the day before.
这些人找到了一个，然后唯一的问题是，他们必须每天真正进来做这项工作，就像他们前一天所做的那样。
And I mean, like, exactly the way they did it.
我的意思是，就像他们所做的那样。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's program, The Walls Close In, stories of people trapped in small spaces and what that's like.
今天的节目《围墙逼近》讲述了人们被困在狭小空间中的故事以及那是什么样的情况。
We've arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。
Act Two, Music of the Night After Night After Night After Night After Night After Night After Night After Night-- [FADES AWAY]
第二幕，夜复一夜复一夜复一夜复一夜复夜的音乐--[逐渐消失]
We now turn to people who've made a choice, a conscious choice to stick themselves into a cramped, uncomfortable space for years inside the theater.
现在我们求助于那些做出了选择的人，这是一个有意识的选择，他们多年来一直把自己困在剧院狭窄、不舒服的空间里。
You know, the old saying "hell is other people" actually comes from the theater.
要知道，“他人即地狱”这句老话，其实是出自戏剧。
It comes from a play, No Exit.
出自戏剧《No Exit》。
That play was not written by a member of a theater orchestra.
该剧不是由剧院管弦乐队的成员创作的。
But Jay Caspian Kang has this story about how many musicians in theatrical orchestras might understand the sentiment.
但杰伊·凯斯宾·康 (Jay Caspian Kang) 有一个故事，讲述了有多少戏剧管弦乐队的音乐家可能会理解这种情绪。
Nick Jemo moved to New York in 2006 to try to make it as a musician.
Nick Jemo 于 2006 年搬到纽约，试图成为一名音乐家。
He had just finished up college and had all these dreams of playing the trumpet for a living.
他刚刚大学毕业，梦想以吹小号为生。
But it was a struggle.
但这是一场斗争。
There just aren't many jobs for trumpet players anymore.
小号手的工作已经不多了。
So he mostly waited by the phone for gigs.
所以他大部分时间都在电话旁等待演出。
Korean megachurch services, experimental plays, and the occasional substitute job with Mary Poppins on Broadway.
韩国大型教堂服务、实验戏剧以及偶尔在百老汇与玛丽·波平斯 (Mary Poppins) 进行的替补工作。
And then a spot opened up at his favorite show.
然后他最喜欢的节目就空出了一个位置。
This might be TMI, but I remember I was in my apartment.
这可能是TMI，但我记得我是在我的公寓里。
I was on the toilet.
我当时正在上厕所。
And [CHUCKLING] I got a phone call, and I didn't recognize the number.
[咯咯笑]我接到一个电话，但我不认识这个号码。
And I listened to the voicemail, saying, "Hi, this is Kristen," and freaked out.
我听到语音信箱说：“嗨，我是克里斯汀，”我吓坏了。
This was one of the conductors for Phantom of the Opera.
他是《歌剧魅影》的指挥之一。
She offered him a job playing shows six days a week and twice on Thursdays and Saturdays.
她给了他一份每周表演六天、周四和周六两次的工作。
I'm not sure I probably even let her finish her sentence.
我不确定我是否会让她把话说完。
Yes, I'm very interested and available.
是的，我非常感兴趣并且有空。
It was life changing, really.
这确实改变了生活。
Did you feel you'd like won the lottery?
你觉得你想中彩票吗？
Oh, yes.
哦是的。
Actually, I remember the next day, I had to go grocery shopping.
事实上，我记得第二天，我要去杂货店买东西。
And I remember buying coconut water.
我记得买过椰子水。
I don't know why.
我不知道为什么。
That was my treat because I always wanted to buy coconut water, but it was always too much of a-- it was like, you know what?
那是我的款待，因为我一直想买椰子水，但它总是太多了——就像，你知道吗？
This is-- I just don't need to spend.
这是——我只是不需要花钱。
And I remember buying coconut water and feeling like such a badass.
我记得我买了椰子水，感觉自己像个坏蛋。
And I just felt like I can buy anything here.
我只是觉得我可以在这里买任何东西。
It wasn't just a steady income Nick was excited about.
尼克兴奋的不仅仅是稳定的收入。
Phantom of the Opera was the show Nick had loved since he was 11 years old.
《歌剧魅影》是尼克从 11 岁起就喜欢的剧。
He had just started playing the trumpet and would lay on his living room floor listening to The Music of the Night.
他刚刚开始吹小号，会躺在客厅地板上听《夜晚的音乐》。
You know it-- (SINGING) "Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor."
你知道的——（唱歌）“慢慢地，轻轻地，夜晚展现出它的光彩。”
That call changed his life.
那个电话改变了他的生活。
He had finally arrived, Phantom on Broadway.
他终于来了，百老汇的幽灵。
On his first day, Nick entered the majestic theater on 46th and 8th Avenue.
第一天，尼克走进了位于第 46 大道和第 8 大道交汇处的宏伟剧院。
He walked through a back alley, past a giant tub of dry ice, down a flight of stairs into a locker room where he changed into all black.
他穿过一条后巷，经过一大桶干冰，走下一段楼梯，进入更衣室，在那里他换成了一身黑。
He then headed into the pit to play the music he had loved as a child.
然后他走进坑里演奏他小时候喜欢的音乐。
He had his own seat there now and a music stand.
现在他在那里有了自己的座位和一个乐谱架。
So he played the first show.
于是他表演了第一场演出。
Next day, he went back and played it again, and then again.
第二天，他又回去玩了一遍，然后又玩了一遍。
His brain started to adjust to playing the same show eight times a week.
他的大脑开始适应每周播放同一节目八次。
And then he started to notice, it wasn't just the music that repeated itself.
然后他开始注意到，重复的不仅仅是音乐。
I'm seeing the same actors in the exact same time and the same musicians at the exact same time, and seeing the same people in the bathroom at the exact same time.
我在完全相同的时间看到相同的演员，在完全相同的时间看到相同的音乐家，在完全相同的时间在浴室里看到相同的人。
[LAUGHS] Every time one of the dancers comes through to put her wig on, she says to one of the other dancers, "Good job, Erica," like, every single day.
[笑]每次一位舞者走过来戴上假发时，她都会对另一位舞者说，“干得好，艾丽卡”，就像每天一样。
It's very Groundhog Day.
这真是土拨鼠日。
At first, this was funny, almost charming.
起初，这很有趣，几乎很迷人。
Nick was 30 and the youngest person in the pit.
尼克今年 30 岁，是坑里最年轻的人。
Not by a few years, but by a few decades.
不是几年，而是几十年。
He'd never been in a situation like this where everyone seemed so locked into routine.
他从来没有遇到过这样的情况，每个人似乎都陷入了例行公事。
His colleagues would sit down in their chairs at the exact same minute every day.
他的同事们每天都会在同一分钟坐在自己的椅子上。
There was the cellist who would say, "Marvelous," every time Nick asked him how he was doing.
每次尼克问大提琴手近况如何时，他都会说“太棒了”。
There was the first horn player who would pull out a stopwatch every single night to time how long the second horn player held the note in one of the songs.
第一个圆号演奏者每天晚上都会拿出秒表来计时第二个圆号演奏者在其中一首歌中保持音符的时间。
Some days it would be 17 seconds, other days 16.2.
有时是 17 秒，有时是 16.2 秒。
You definitely start to notice, people are talking about each other and complaining about the same people are late every single week.
你肯定会开始注意到，人们都在互相谈论，并抱怨同样的人每周都迟到。
If you bump into a stand by accident, you'll get a "what the [MUTED] are you doing" kind of look.
如果你不小心撞到了替补席，你会得到一种“你[静音]在做什么”的表情。
Like, [INHALES] take a deep breath, you know?
就像，[吸气]深呼吸，你知道吗？
Like, [EXHALES]
就像，[呼气]
What is it like being the youngest guy there, the young guy?
作为那里最年轻的年轻人，感觉如何？
Basically, I'm not as jaded as the rest of them.
基本上，我并不像其他人那样厌倦。
If I say anything that's not like, [SIGHS] "It sucks to be here," they're like, "You haven't been here long enough.
如果我说的不是这样的话，[叹息]“在这里真糟糕，”他们会说，“你来这里的时间还不够长。
You're still new.
你还是个新人。
You're still new." People kind of walk in there, like, [SIGHS] OK, I've got to do this again.
你还是个新人。”人们走进那里，就像，[叹气]好吧，我得再做一次。
And some of it's just in their body language, the way they walk in the door.
其中一些只是他们的肢体语言，以及他们走进门的方式。
They're kind of trudging in.
他们有点艰难地闯进来。
Or when someone says, "Do I have to do this tonight?"
或者当有人说：“我今晚必须这样做吗？”
Phantom of the Opera opened on Broadway in January 1988.
《歌剧魅影》于 1988 年 1 月在百老汇上演。
It was an instant hit.
这立即引起了轰动。
Everyone who has seen this musical comes away enchanted.
每个看过这部音乐剧的人都会被迷住。
The show is virtually guaranteed to run well into the next decade.
该节目几乎可以保证在下一个十年中顺利播出。
It did.
确实如此。
And then another decade.
然后又是十年。
And another.
还有另一个。
The musicians in the pit signed contracts with a provision which guaranteed their jobs until the show shut down.
现场的音乐家们签订了合同，其中有一项条款保证他们的工作直到演出结束。
They expected two, maybe three years.
他们预计两年，也许三年。
But the show kept going, as three years turned into five years, which then turned into 32.
但这部剧一直在继续，三年变成了五年，然后又变成了32年。
That's over 13,000 performances.
演出次数超过 13,000 场。
Phantom is now the longest running show in the history of Broadway.
《幻影》现已成为百老汇历史上上演时间最长的演出。
There is almost a feeling, I think, of nausea that you have to do it again and you have to do it again.
我想，几乎有一种恶心的感觉，你必须再做一次，你必须再做一次。
That's Melanie Feld, an oboist who's been in the pit for 28 years now.
她就是梅兰妮·费尔德 (Melanie Feld)，一位双簧管演奏家，已经在乐坛工作了 28 年。
I don't know how to describe it-- a physical sensation that I get of literally that I'm jumping out of my skin.
我不知道如何描述它——一种从字面上看我从皮肤里跳出来的身体感觉。
It's a leg thing.
这是腿的事
I can't stay in my skin.
我不能留在我的皮肤里。
I'm going crazy.
我要疯了。
Oh, no, that thing is happening.
哦，不，那件事正在发生。
I first heard about the pit at Phantom through a friend whose wife had recently subbed in the violin section.
我第一次听说 Phantom 的这个坑是通过一位朋友，他的妻子最近在小提琴部替补。
She described what she had seen as a horror show, like Waiting for Guffman, but 30 hard years down the line.
她描述了她所看到的恐怖表演，就像等待古夫曼一样，但三十年后的艰难。
I couldn't quite get it out of my head.
我无法完全摆脱它。
So one of the first things people ask, how can you possibly stay sane and play the same music every night?
因此，人们问的第一件事就是，你如何才能保持理智并每晚播放相同的音乐？
Pete Reit has been playing Phantom since opening night.
皮特·雷特（Pete Reit）自开幕之夜起就一直扮演《幻影》（Phantom）。
He's the French horn player who times the notes on a stopwatch every night.
他是一位法国号演奏家，每晚都会用秒表计时。
There is something in that where I would look at the music sometimes, and it would just literally look like shapes.
有时我会看音乐，它看起来就像形状。
I would just see circles and lines and dots.
我只会看到圆圈、线条和点。
And I would have no idea.
我不知道。
I wouldn't even know what page I was on.
我什至不知道我在哪个页面。
It's like a disassociative feeling, almost.
这几乎就像一种分离的感觉。
It's sort of like hearing yourself speak, and you aren't sure it's English.
这有点像听到自己说话，但你不确定这是英语。
[LAUGHS] Well, I don't think that's ever happened to me, Pete.
[笑] 好吧，我想这从来没有发生在我身上，皮特。
And then the funny thing is, you see someone else do it, and you immediately know what's going on with them.
有趣的是，你看到别人这样做，你立刻就知道他们发生了什么事。
Oh, they're just-- it's as if they don't even know where they are.
哦，他们只是——就好像他们甚至不知道自己在哪里。
They're, like, waking up in another room.
他们就像在另一个房间里醒来一样。
It's like, what happened?
就像，发生了什么事？
Where am I?
我在哪里？
What day is it?
今天是什么日子？
What week is it?
现在是星期几？
When I started talking to the pit musicians a couple of years ago, I wanted to know how they found meaning in the mundane and inevitable repetitions of life.
几年前，当我开始与现场音乐家交谈时，我想知道他们如何在平凡且不可避免的重复生活中找到意义。
In lots of jobs, people do the same thing every day, but nothing quite like this.
在很多工作中，人们每天都做同样的事情，但没有什么比这更好的了。
You're hearing the exact same lines from the stage, playing the exact same notes for the same songs.
你会在舞台上听到完全相同的台词，为同样的歌曲演奏完全相同的音符。
Even the guy sitting next to you breathes in the exact same rhythm.
即使坐在你旁边的人也以完全相同的节奏呼吸。
Every day, the Phantom kisses Christine for the first time, and the same chandelier comes crashing down in the same spot on the stage.
每天，幻影都会第一次亲吻克里斯汀，同一盏吊灯也会在舞台上的同一个地方轰然倒塌。
I assumed the orchestra members were like Zen archers who pull back the same bow with the same motion until they die.
我认为乐团成员就像禅宗弓箭手一样，以相同的动作拉回同一张弓，直到死去。
I talked to a trumpet player named Lowell Hershey.
我和一位名叫洛厄尔·赫尔希的小号手交谈过。
Lowell has been at the show since day one, and everyone says he's the sanest person in the pit.
洛厄尔从第一天起就参加了演出，每个人都说他是场上最理智的人。
And it kind of drives you nuts for the first few weeks.
在最初的几周里，这会让你发疯。
And then after that, your mind deals with it and just flushes it out.
在那之后，你的大脑会处理它并将其冲掉。
So when you're not there, you don't think about it.
所以当你不在的时候，你就不会去想它。
Do you know the words to the songs that you're playing?
你知道你正在演奏的歌曲的歌词吗？
No, not entirely.
不，不完全是。
Jay Caspian Kang "Where in the world--"
杰·凯斯宾·康《世界何处——》
"Think of me fondly--" whatever.
“深情地想我——”不管怎样。
I mean, I remember one time after the show had been running for a while, somebody asked me to play a little bit of a tune from the show, and I couldn't even do it.
我的意思是，我记得有一次节目播出一段时间后，有人要求我演奏节目中的一小段曲子，但我什至都做不到。
I couldn't even think of one.
我什至想不出一个。
I had submerged this much.
我已经被淹没了这么多。
I feel like your brain has basically just rejected being cognizant that the music is going on.
我觉得你的大脑基本上已经拒绝意识到音乐正在进行。
But I think that's typical of people who do shows.
但我认为这是做表演的人的典型特征。
What do you think the right type of personality is that can handle this job?
您认为什么样的性格适合胜任这份工作？
I'm descended from a long line of serfs and peons, people who are still laboring in the fields for hardly any money and are relatively happy with that.
我是农奴和苦工的后裔，他们仍然在田里劳作，几乎没有什么钱，而且对此感到相对满意。
The Phantom players aren't exactly serfs.
幻影玩家并不完全是农奴。
They're well-paid, they play a beloved show, and they get to play in small orchestras on the side.
他们的薪水很高，他们演奏深受喜爱的节目，而且他们还可以在小型管弦乐队中演奏。
But these are highly-trained musicians who went to the fanciest music schools in the world.
但这些都是训练有素的音乐家，他们就读于世界上最优秀的音乐学校。
Andrew Lloyd Weber wanted the best of the best for Phantom, which means the pit will always sound good, though it also creates some creative and spiritual problems for the players, who have to get through the score night after night after night.
安德鲁·劳埃德·韦伯 (Andrew Lloyd Weber) 希望 Phantom 能做到最好，这意味着坑听起来总是不错，尽管这也给玩家带来了一些创造性和精神上的问题，他们必须夜复一夜地完成乐谱。
I'm a violin operator.
我是一名小提琴操作员。
Jay Caspian Kang Is that how you describe that?
Jay Caspian Kang 你就是这么描述的吗？
That's how we describe it, yeah.
我们就是这样描述的，是的。
It's very technical.
这是非常有技术性的。
I have no emotional connection with it.
我与它没有任何情感联系。
That's a violinist named Kurt Coble.
那是一位名叫科特·科布尔的小提琴家。
He's a composer.
他是一位作曲家。
His dream was always to write scores for horror films.
他的梦想一直是为恐怖电影创作配乐。
He's now been at Phantom for 22 years, long enough to see three people in his section die.
他已经在 Phantom 工作了 22 年，时间长得足以亲眼目睹他所在部门的三个人死去。
When I'm playing the show, nobody's interested in my creative input.
当我表演节目时，没有人对我的创意投入感兴趣。
I've often compared it to working in a hospice.
我经常将其与在临终关怀医院工作进行比较。
It's just, we just keep the show alive as long as we can.
只是，我们只是尽可能地让节目保持活力。
So here they all are, in this weird social experiment, trapped together for decades, 27 musicians crammed into this tiny space.
所以他们都在这里，在这个奇怪的社会实验中，几十年来，27 位音乐家挤在这个狭小的空间里。
A trumpet player told me it's like playing in a submarine.
一位小号手告诉我，这就像在潜艇中演奏一样。
I've been down there, and you can barely turn around without knocking into something.
我去过那里，你几乎一转身就会撞到什么东西。
In the pit, you notice everything-- the way your neighbor blows out his spit valve, the way someone brags about their kids, the smell of someone's perfume.
在坑里，你会注意到一切——你的邻居吹灭吐痰阀的方式，某人吹嘘自己孩子的方式，某人香水的味道。
Every little annoyance, every perceived slight accumulates.
每一个小小的烦恼、每一个察觉到的轻微都会累积起来。
One of my favorite stories, which should drive anyone who has ever played in a band crazy-- there's this bassoon player who has sat next to the same clarinet player since 1988.
我最喜欢的故事之一，应该会让任何曾经在乐队中演奏过的人疯狂——有一位巴松管演奏者，自 1988 年以来一直坐在同一个单簧管演奏者旁边。
She's convinced he plays half a note flat on every note he's ever played.
她确信他在演奏过的每个音符上都弹了半个音符。
He denies this.
他否认这一点。
The person I talked to the most in the pit was Melanie, the oboist.
我在坑里聊得最多的人是双簧管演奏家梅兰妮。
She's one of the rare people you meet who has no real filter.
她是你遇到的极少数没有真正过滤的人之一。
So I was complaining about something, which I imagine was that it was really cold.
所以我在抱怨一些事情，我想是天气真的很冷。
It's always really cold.
天气总是很冷。
And then someone else from the orchestra said, [SIGHS] I'm just so tired of the sound of your voice.
然后管弦乐队的其他人说，[叹息]我只是厌倦了你的声音。
You know, and I'm tired of the sound of my voice, too.
你知道，我也厌倦了自己的声音。
So I kind of sympathize with her.
所以我有点同情她。
Then there was a violinist who got mad at me because I said I used Roundup in my garden.
然后有一个小提琴手对我很生气，因为我说我在花园里使用了农达。
She was like, [HUFFS] and she wouldn't speak to me for-- I don't know-- weeks.
她就像，[赫夫斯]，她有几个星期没有跟我说话，我不知道。
During most of our talks, Melanie was making reeds.
在我们的大部分谈话中，梅兰妮都在制作芦苇。
It's an extraordinarily meticulous process.
这是一个异常细致的过程。
There's all sorts of medieval-looking tools and tiny bits of wood everywhere.
到处都是各种中世纪风格的工具和小木头。
Oboists are the most optimistic people in the world because every time they make a reed, they think that it might work.
双簧管演奏者是世界上最乐观的人，因为每次他们制作簧片时，他们都认为它可能会起作用。
They usually don't, but anyway.
他们通常不这样做，但无论如何。
This part-- oh, no, I'm skipping the most important part.
这部分——哦，不，我跳过了最重要的部分。
You need to pick your color of thread!
您需要选择线的颜色！
And it just makes all the difference.
它让一切变得不同。
And I never know what color to pick.
而且我永远不知道该选什么颜色。
But this is the only fun that I have, so.
但这是我唯一的乐趣，所以。
That god awful noise.
那可怕的噪音。
Jay Caspian Kang Melanie studied at Juilliard.
杰伊·凯斯皮安·康·梅兰妮就读于茱莉亚音乐学院。
She dreamed of being the principal oboist in the Metropolitan Opera or the Philharmonic.
她梦想成为大都会歌剧院或爱乐乐团的首席双簧管演奏家。
But she kept bombing her auditions.
但她的试镜却不断失败。
Her nerves got the best of her every time she was up for a big seat.
每当她要坐一个大座位时，她的神经就会变得最紧张。
And then life and bills intervened.
然后生活和账单就介入了。
Phantom, in that way, is a very good job in a field where there aren't a lot of good jobs anymore.
从这个角度来看，Phantom 在这个已经没有太多好工作的领域是一份非常好的工作。
It put Melanie's kids through college, paid her mortgage, and provided security while the music industry collapsed around her.
它让梅兰妮的孩子们完成了大学学业，支付了她的抵押贷款，并在她周围的音乐产业崩溃时提供了保障。
But at the end of 30 years sitting just inches away from your co-workers, you lose all sense of proportion.
但 30 年后，当你坐在离同事只有几英寸远的地方时，你就失去了所有的比例感。
Your enemies turn into monsters.
你的敌人变成了怪物。
For Melanie, the monster in the pit was always a trumpet player named Francis Bonny.
对于梅兰妮来说，坑里的怪物始终是一位名叫弗朗西斯·邦尼的小号手。
Everything he did drove Melanie nuts, from the black biking shorts he wore in the pit to always eating his dinner in the locker room with his back turned to her.
他所做的一切都让梅兰妮抓狂，从他在维修站穿的黑色自行车短裤到总是背对着她在更衣室里吃晚饭。
Francis was a miserable son of a bitch.
弗朗西斯是个可怜的混蛋。
And at a certain point, he started wearing-- he put this black shade on the side of his glasses.
在某个时刻，他开始戴——他把这个黑色的灯罩放在眼镜的一侧。
And he's wearing those things because he doesn't want to see me, right?
他穿那些衣服是因为他不想见到我，对吗？
That's why he's wear-- I really truly believe this.
这就是他穿着的原因——我真的相信这一点。
I wanted to run this all by Francis.
我想由弗朗西斯来管理这一切。
It just seemed so unreasonable.
简直显得太不合理了。
Francis was the only person I had talked to who had actually escaped from the pit.
弗朗西斯是我交谈过的唯一一个真正从坑里逃出来的人。
He got in a truck and drove out to the middle of nowhere in Colorado.
他上了一辆卡车，开往科罗拉多州的偏僻地方。
He says he's much happier now.
他说他现在快乐多了。
You spoke with Melanie!
你和梅兰妮说话了！
Oh!
哦！
Jay Caspian Kang Yeah, yeah, we did.
杰伊·凯斯皮安·康 是的，是的，我们做到了。
I understand that you two did not have the best relationship.
我知道你们两个的关系并不是最好的。
One of the things that she told us was that you basically made an eyepatch so that you wouldn't have to look at her.
她告诉我们的一件事是，你基本上做了一个眼罩，这样你就不必看着她了。
Is this a true story that she's telling us?
她告诉我们的这是一个真实的故事吗？
I did do that at some point.
我确实在某个时候这样做过。
But that wasn't just because of Melanie.
但这不仅仅是因为梅兰妮。
She's taking it too personally.
她太个人化了。
It was actually anybody that was on my right.
实际上是我右边的任何人。
[LAUGHS]
[笑]
She told us for a long time that you sat in the locker room and that you would turn your back to everybody because you didn't want to look at them.
她告诉我们很长一段时间，你坐在更衣室里，你会背对着每个人，因为你不想看他们。
Yeah, yeah, it was in the locker room.
是的，是的，是在更衣室里。
I came there, I ate my dinner.
我到了那里，吃了晚饭。
Looked at the white wall, went and played the show, and then left the theater.
看了一眼白墙，就去演戏，然后离开了剧院。
Left the premises as fast as I could, and it worked beautifully.
我以最快的速度离开了现场，效果非常好。
Can you compare the relationships that you have with other relationships?
你能将你的关系与其他关系进行比较吗？
It's family.
这是家人。
[LAUGHS] It's the spouse you can't stand and putting up with people that you just don't want to hear their voice again.
[笑]是你无法忍受的配偶和你只是不想再听到他们声音的人。
You sit there thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of hours.
你坐在那里成千上万个小时。
This is like a quarter of a lifetime.
这就像一生的四分之一。
The musicians in the pit don't play the whole time, which means there are thousands of hours where they're not actually doing anything.
坑里的音乐家不会一直演奏，这意味着他们有数千小时实际上没有做任何事情。
And during those rests, they read books, spy thrillers and mysteries, and do the crossword with their neighbors.
在休息期间，他们会读书、间谍惊悚小说和悬疑小说，并与邻居一起做填字游戏。
A trumpet player has taught himself three languages.
一位小号手自学了三种语言。
Another musician ran a woodshop business on his laptop during the show.
另一位音乐家在演出期间用他的笔记本电脑经营木工生意。
And socially, it's a bit like middle school.
从社交角度来说，这有点像中学。
There are the loners, the jocks, and the French horns.
有孤独者、运动员和圆号。
They're like the boys in the back of the bus.
他们就像公交车后座的男孩。
They bring in fart machines and run the same practical jokes over and over.
他们引进放屁机，一遍又一遍地讲同样的恶作剧。
Sometimes they even mess with the audience.
有时他们甚至会扰乱观众。
The front row is right up against the pit, so close that their feet sometimes dangle next to the musicians heads.
前排正对着坑，距离如此之近，以至于他们的脚有时会在音乐家的头旁边晃来晃去。
Occasionally, one of the French horn players would take out a bottle of whiteout and write little messages on the soles of the audience's shoes.
偶尔，一位法国号演奏者会拿出一瓶涂白剂，在观众的鞋底上写下一些小信息。
Those guys, they're sitting right behind me.
那些家伙，他们就坐在我后面。
They're always chattering and laughing.
他们总是有说有笑。
I, being me, if I play badly, I think, oh, god, they're saying how terrible I am.
我，作为我，如果我打得不好，我想，哦，上帝，他们会说我有多糟糕。
Oh, god, I don't want to humiliate myself.
哦，上帝，我不想羞辱自己。
This, more than anything, Melanie told me, is what makes her want to sound good every night.
梅兰妮告诉我，这最重要的是让她每天晚上都想听起来好听。
She's worried the French horn guys will make fun of her.
她担心法国号的家伙会取笑她。
I'm not playing for the audience because the audience doesn't-- and so I'm playing for those French horn players.
我不是为观众演奏，因为观众不这样做——所以我是为那些法国号演奏者演奏。
I do want to say, one of the compliments I've gotten over the years is, how do you still play so well when you've just been doing Phantom for all those years?
我确实想说，这些年来我得到的赞美之一是，你这么多年才玩《Phantom》，怎么还能打得这么好？
I said it's is a choice that I've made.
我说这是我做出的选择。
My choice is to play this music like it's any other music that I play and make it beautiful.
我的选择是像播放其他音乐一样播放此音乐，并使其优美。
Can you just play something from Phantom?
你能播放 Phantom 中的一些东西吗？
Well, I can play the really hard one.
嗯，我可以玩最难的那一款。
If it's really bad, though, I beg you not to--
但如果情况真的很糟糕，我求你不要——
Nobody is in the Phantom pit right now.
现在幻影坑里没有人。
The show temporarily closed in March because of COVID-19.
由于 COVID-19，该展会于 3 月份暂时关闭。
The unstoppable show had finally been put on pause.
这场势不可挡的演出终于暂停了。
I recently checked in with Melanie again.
我最近再次与梅兰妮联系。
She wasn't doing very well.
她过得不太好。
Her mother had died in a nursing home in New Jersey, presumed COVID-positive.
她的母亲在新泽西州的一家疗养院去世，推测呈新冠病毒阳性。
She wasn't getting paid by the show anymore.
她不再通过演出获得报酬。
And she missed Phantom.
她也想念幻影。
This was surprising to me.
这让我很惊讶。
Melanie and all the other musicians had told me about their fantasies of finally leaving the show.
梅兰妮和所有其他音乐家告诉我他们最终离开演出的幻想。
And I had believed them.
我相信他们。
But now that it had actually happened, she missed the routine.
但现在事情真的发生了，她就错过了例行公事。
You know, Phantom, I miss the comradeship, the repetition of the silly jokes and watching everyone eat and-- I don't know-- the routine.
你知道，幽灵，我怀念同志情谊，怀念那些愚蠢的笑话的重复，看着每个人吃饭，还有——我不知道——日常生活。
I kind of like routine in my life.
我有点喜欢生活中有规律。
This, of course, is the opposite of what she'd said in the past, before COVID.
当然，这与她在新冠疫情之前所说的相反。
It was always easy to complain that it was boring, and to complain about driving into the city, and wasting all that time in the car, and playing the same music and going home again.
人们总是很容易抱怨这很无聊，抱怨开车进城，在车里浪费所有时间，播放同样的音乐然后再回家。
And I just thought, I knew I was lucky back then, but it becomes very real now.
我只是想，我知道当时我很幸运，但现在它变得非常真实。
I mean, what can I say?
我的意思是，我能说什么？
Now I really know what it's like not having this job.
现在我真的知道没有这份工作是什么感觉了。
It's just so much fun to complain about things that don't matter.
抱怨一些无关紧要的事情真是太有趣了。
Oh, the women in the bathroom, they're just always talking about their expensive hair and makeup.
哦，浴室里的女人们，她们总是谈论她们昂贵的头发和化妆品。
And I miss the women in the bathroom.
我想念浴室里的女人们。
And yeah, I'd be happy to complain about that again.
是的，我很乐意再次抱怨这一点。
Before the pandemic, every time I talked to Melanie, I would ask how she was doing.
在大流行之前，每次我和梅兰妮谈话，我都会问她过得怎么样。
Her answer always depended on parking.
她的答案总是取决于停车。
It's hard to park in midtown Manhattan.
在曼哈顿市中心停车很困难。
A good parking spot was a good day.
一个好的停车位就是美好的一天。
A bad parking spot was a bad day.
一个糟糕的停车位就是糟糕的一天。
This is how she made sense of her life.
这就是她如何理解自己的生活。
I think about this all the time.
我一直在想这个。
Most of our lives are spent finding parking for the job we don't want to do.
我们一生的大部分时间都花在为我们不想做的工作寻找停车位上。
Melanie is not alone in that.
梅兰妮并不是唯一一个这样做的人。
And after any number of years, those routines accumulate.
不管过了多少年，这些习惯都会累积起来。
And that's more or less your life.
这或多或少就是你的生活。
Of all the people I talked to in the pit, one musician dealt with the mundane and inevitable repetition of life in a way that really stuck with me.
在我在坑里交谈过的所有人中，有一位音乐家以一种让我印象深刻的方式处理平凡且不可避免的生活重复。
For the past two decades in the pit, Kurt, the musician who described himself as a violin operator, had been dreaming up the most elaborate and metaphorically perfect coping mechanism.
在过去的二十年里，自称小提琴演奏家的音乐家库尔特一直在坑里，一直在梦想着最复杂、最完美的应对机制。
It's a band made up entirely of automatons.
这是一支完全由机器人组成的乐队。
I met these robot musicians in a warehouse in Yonkers.
我在扬克斯的一个仓库里遇到了这些机器人音乐家。
The PAM Band!
PAM 乐队！
Jay Caspian Kang The PAM Band stands for Partially Artificial Musicians.
Jay Caspian Kang PAM 乐队代表部分人工音乐家。
Kurt's automatons are made up of scraps of metal and string all wired up to a soundboard that Kurt can program to create whatever sounds he wants.
库尔特的自动机由金属碎片和绳子组成，所有这些都连接到音板上，库尔特可以对其进行编程以产生他想要的任何声音。
There's Magnus, an electric chord organ, Krieg, the bass guitar, and then there's Rosie, the theremin.
有 Magnus（电和弦风琴）、Krieg（低音吉他），还有 Rosie（特雷门琴）。
This is Jack, a solid body electric violin using the exoskeleton design.
这是Jack，一款采用外骨骼设计的实体电小提琴。
This is what helps alleviate the boredom of the redundancy of Phantom, because I'm constantly thinking about this project and how I can improve the automation and the kind of music that I would like to create.
这有助于缓解 Phantom 冗余带来的无聊感，因为我一直在思考这个项目以及如何改进自动化以及我想要创作的音乐类型。
If I ever see a therapist, maybe they will help me understand this.
如果我去看治疗师，也许他们会帮助我理解这一点。
[LAUGHTER] Was there part of it where you're like, man, I am playing in this orchestra.
[笑声] 有没有一部分你会说，伙计，我在这个管弦乐队里演奏。
It's not the expressiveness that I want.
这不是我想要的表现力。
I also kind of feel like an automaton, you know?
我也觉得自己像个机器人，你知道吗？
And maybe I'll just make an automaton as a violinist.
也许我会制作一个自动机作为小提琴手。
Yeah, I mean, I can see exploring that.
是的，我的意思是，我可以探索这一点。
Am I looking for some kind of soul healing from this dehumanization of being in a violin section?
我是否正在从小提琴部分的非人化中寻找某种灵魂治愈？
Possibly.
可能吧。
I asked Kurt if the PAM Band could play "The Music of the Night," or "All I Ask of You," or any of the Phantom classics.
我问库尔特 PAM 乐队是否可以演奏“The Music of the Night”、“All I Ask of You”或任何 Phantom 经典歌曲。
He wasn't into that at all.
他根本不感兴趣。
This band was not designed to play Andrew Lloyd Weber.
这支乐队并不是为演奏安德鲁·劳埃德·韦伯而设计的。
But something inside him just couldn't get away from Phantom of the Opera.
但他内心深处的某些东西却无法摆脱《歌剧魅影》的影响。
Back when he was sitting in the pit, he'd composed, just in his head, both the prequel and the sequel to Phantom, both which involve Indiana Jones type characters.
当他坐在坑里时，他就在脑海中创作了《幻影》的前传和续集，这两部作品都涉及印第安纳·琼斯类型的角色。
And years ago, he got a copy of the 1925 silent film version of Phantom and wrote an entire score.
几年前，他得到了 1925 年无声电影版《幻影》的副本，并写下了完整的配乐。
He wanted to play it for me.
他想为我演奏。
He turned off the lights in the warehouse and projected the film onto the wall.
他关掉仓库里的灯，把胶片投影到墙上。
The PAM Band started to play.
PAM 乐队开始演奏。
The score features him, Kurt, as the solo violinist and the star of the show.
乐谱中，他库尔特 (Kurt) 担任独奏小提琴家和演出明星。
The automatons all play the same thing, but Kurt always improvises.
所有的机器人都发挥着同样的作用，但库尔特总是即兴创作。
None of his shows are ever the same.
他的每一场演出都不相同。
Jay Caspian Kang, he's making a documentary about the Phantom pit and is co-host of the podcast, Time to Say Goodbye.
Jay Caspian Kang，他正在制作一部关于幻影坑的纪录片，并且是播客《Time to Say Goodbye》的联合主持人。
Credits Ira Glass Our program was produced today by Aviva DeKornfeld.
图片来源 Ira Glass 今天我们的节目由 Aviva DeKornfeld 制作。
The people who put our program together today include Bim Adewunmi, Elna Baker, Susan Burton, Ben Calhoun, Dana Chivvis, Sean Cole, Noor Gill, Damien Grave, Chana Joffe-Walt, Miki Meek, Katherine Rae Mondo, Stowe Nelson, Nadia Reiman, Robyn Semien, Lilly Sullivan, Christopher Swetala, Matt Tierney, and Diane Wu.
今天组织我们节目的人包括 Bim Adewunmi、Elna Baker、Susan Burton、Ben Calhoun、Dana Chivvis、Sean Cole、Noor Gill、Damien Grave、Chana Joffe-Walt、Miki Meek、Katherine Rae Mondo、Stowe Nelson、Nadia Reiman、Robyn Semien、Lilly Sullivan、Christopher Swetala、Matt Tierney 和 Diane Wu。
Our managing editor is Sara Abdurrahman, senior editor, David Kestenbaum.
我们的总编辑是 Sara Abdurrahman，高级编辑是 David Kestenbaum。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
Special thanks today to our interpreter, Gabriela Munoz.
今天特别感谢我们的口译员加布里埃拉·穆尼奥斯 (Gabriela Munoz)。
Also David Lai, Grace Paradise, Isabel Castro, Gleb Mikhalev, Cameron Dennis, Carissa Henderson, Alex Neumann, and Jean Hannah Edelstein.
还有 David Lai、Grace Paradise、Isabel Castro、Gleb Mikhalev、Cameron Dennis、Carissa Henderson、Alex Neumann 和 Jean Hannah Edelstein。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org, where you can stream our archive of over 700 episodes for absolutely free.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中完全免费地观看我们的 700 多集档案。
Plus, there's videos.
另外，还有视频。
There's lists of favorite programs.
有最喜欢的节目列表。
There's all kinds of other stuff there.
那里还有各种各样的其他东西。
Again, the website, thisamericanlife.org.
再说一遍网站，thisamericanlife.org。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
He and I were talking the other day, and he let slip he hasn't been listening to our program for weeks.
前几天他和我聊天，他透露说他已经好几个星期没有听我们的节目了。
I was like, what?
我当时想，什么？
Totally confronted him about it.
完全与他对质。
And-- I don't know.
而且——我不知道。
I guess he had a good reason.
我想他有充分的理由。
[SIGHS] I'm just so tired of the sound of your voice.
[叹气]我只是厌倦了你的声音。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week.
下周回来。
I told Torey, I get it.
我告诉托里，我明白了。
You know, and I'm tired of the sound of my voice, too.
你知道，我也厌倦了自己的声音。
So I kind of sympathize.
所以我有点同情。
This American Life This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
This American Life This American Life 与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。