703: Stuck! - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #703 | May 8, 2020 703: Stuck!
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 703 集 | 2020 年 5 月 8 日 703：卡住了！
Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass When they started to prepare for COVID-19 patients at Rogue Regional Medical Center in Southern Oregon, Dr. Somnath Ghosh was part of the team.
序言：序言 Ira Glass 当他们开始为俄勒冈州南部 Rogue 地区医疗中心的 COVID-19 患者做准备时，Somnath Ghosh 博士是该团队的一员。
He's the medical director for the intensive care unit, a pulmonary specialist, and very dedicated to his job.
他是重症监护室的医疗主任，肺科专家，非常敬业。
Works long hours, the kind of doctor who gives out his cell phone number to staff, and patients, and families.
工作时间很长，是那种会把手机号码告诉工作人员、病人和家属的医生。
He tells them to use it anytime.
他告诉他们随时使用它。
And his wife, Renu, is also a doctor, says he really threw himself into this task.
他的妻子雷努也是一名医生，她说他真的全身心投入到这项任务中。
He spent a lot of his even off time at the hospital trying to gear up for the big wave to hit us.
他在医院里花了很多休息时间，试图为巨浪袭击我们做好准备。
Right.
正确的。
Renu Gupta And he's a little bit of a geek, so got super excited.
Renu Gupta 他是个有点极客的人，所以非常兴奋。
He's like, "Oh, we today figured out how to use one ventilator on eight patients instead of-- I think four or six is considered the max standard.
他说，“哦，我们今天想出了如何在八名患者身上使用一台呼吸机，而不是——我认为四到六台呼吸机被认为是最大标准。
So he's been calculating, OK, we'll be able to vent 360 patients, preparing for all of this.
所以他一直在盘算，好吧，我们就能给360个病人发泄，为这一切做好准备。
So far, they've been lucky.
到目前为止，他们很幸运。
The pandemic has mostly spared the half million people his hospital serves in Southern Oregon.
他所在的医院在俄勒冈州南部服务的50万人中，大部分人都幸免于这场大流行。
But I spoke with her husband, Dr. Ghosh, one afternoon last week.
但上周的一个下午，我与她的丈夫戈什博士进行了交谈。
He said in total, they've only had three COVID patients that needed intensive care.
他说，他们总共只有三名需要重症监护的新冠患者。
Dr. Ghosh prepared for a war that he's not having to fight.
戈什博士为一场他不必参加的战争做好了准备。
But all the time, he gets invitations to go join the fight in New York, Louisiana, and other hotspots, begging him to fly out and help.
但他总是收到前往纽约、路易斯安那和其他热点地区参加战斗的邀请，恳求他飞出去提供帮助。
Every single day.
每一天。
In fact, I get at least four or five of these a day.
事实上，我每天至少会收到四到五个这样的东西。
And I've been getting them for the last few weeks.
过去几周我一直在收到它们。
I can read you a few.
我可以给你念几句。
Sure.
当然。
Somnath Ghosh "Hi, Dr. Ghosh.
索姆纳特·戈什“嗨，戈什博士。
It's Elizabeth with Core Medical.
我是核心医疗公司的伊丽莎白。
I hope you're doing well.
我希望你一切都好。
We have a client in New York who needs critical care support.
我们在纽约有一位客户需要重症监护支持。
Due to a high volume of patients, I hope to connect with you soon.
由于患者数量较多，我希望尽快与您联系。
Thank you, for all you do."
谢谢你，谢谢你所做的一切。”
Another one says, "Immediate ICU coverage needed.
另一位说：“需要立即进行 ICU 覆盖。
Should you be able to assist, please give me a call or send a CV to" yadda, yadda, yadda.
如果您能够提供帮助，请给我打电话或将简历发送至“yadda，yadda，yadda”。
"We can license." Another one says, "Good morning.
“我们可以许可。”另一个人说：“早上好。
A facility in Houston area is needing some help in their ICU.
休斯顿地区的一家机构的 ICU 需要一些帮助。
Can you help them during this crisis?"
在这场危机中你能帮助他们吗？”
I also have received texts from friends, personally.
我也收到过朋友发来的私信。
They're in such a need for critical care physicians.
他们非常需要重症监护医生。
Do you wish you can go?
你希望你能去吗？
Somnath Ghosh Oh, hell yeah.
索姆纳特·戈什 哦，天啊，是的。
Hell, yeah.
地狱，是的。
I mean, this-- I mean, this is what I trained for.
我的意思是，这——我的意思是，这就是我训练的目的。
This is what I do.
这就是我所做的。
This is six years of specialty training, and then nine years of experience.
这是六年的专业培训，然后是九年的经验。
I feel useless sitting here in Southern Oregon while the Northeast is getting pummeled.
当东北部遭受重创时，我坐在俄勒冈州南部，感觉自己毫无用处。
Yeah.
是的。
Like there's a historic medical emergency that could use your exact special skills.
就像历史上发生的医疗紧急情况需要您的特殊技能一样。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
I mean, I feel guilty even going home and playing with my kids and watching TV.
我的意思是，即使回家和孩子们一起玩、看电视，我也会感到内疚。
And I know my friends and my brethren on the East Coast are risking their lives, suboptimal PPE, not enough specialists to help them.
我知道我在东海岸的朋友和弟兄们正冒着生命危险，个人防护装备不理想，没有足够的专家来帮助他们。
So he comes back from work one day.
于是有一天他下班回来了。
I'm in the midst of getting dinner going for our two children, and he's like, what do you think about me going to New York?
我正在为我们的两个孩子准备晚餐，他问，你觉得我去纽约怎么样？
I am sitting here.
我坐在这里。
Nothing is happening.
什么也没发生。
And there, they are just dying.
在那里，他们快要死了。
And I think my first flash action was just anger.
我认为我的第一个闪光动作只是愤怒。
I'm like, how can you be so selfish?
我就想，你怎么可以这么自私呢？
You only always think as a physician.
你只能始终以医生的身份思考。
And me, or the kids, or family, just you don't even think about it.
而我，或者孩子，或者家人，只是你根本不去想。
And trying to go to New York?
想去纽约吗？
Especially, looking for trouble?
尤其是，自找麻烦？
I'm like, there are other doctors, but I only have one husband.
我想，还有其他医生，但我只有一个丈夫。
My kids have only one dad.
我的孩子们只有一个爸爸。
And you're the only son to your mom, who's a widow now and kind of depends on you for everything.
你是你妈妈唯一的儿子，你妈妈现在成了寡妇，一切都依赖你。
But then I think 10 minutes later, I was telling myself that I'm not surprised by this.
但我想十分钟后，我告诉自己我对此并不感到惊讶。
He's at his best when he's the physician.
当他是医生时，他处于最佳状态。
He works harder than anything he'll work at at home.
他比在家里做的任何工作都更加努力。
He's more patient with his staff and patients than he is with my children.
他对他的员工和病人比对我的孩子更有耐心。
It's just how he connects.
这就是他的联系方式。
I think there's some part of him which just gets very satisfied when he's able to help someone.
我认为当他能够帮助别人时，他的内心深处会感到非常满足。
But he's not going to go to New York, and not because of her.
但他不会去纽约，也不是因为她。
Not because of their kids, who are still little.
不是因为他们的孩子还小。
Not because he's worried he'll get COVID.
并不是因为他担心自己会感染新冠病毒。
He's young and healthy and has a doctor's overconfidence, assuming he's going to be fine.
他年轻又健康，并且有医生般的过度自信，认为他会没事的。
He's not going to save lives like he wants, because he can't go.
他不会像他想要的那样拯救生命，因为他不能去。
And he can't go because of his immigration status.
由于他的移民身份，他不能去。
He's in the United States on something called an H1B visa.
他在美国持 H1B 签证。
And the rules prohibit me from working for anyone else other than my employer.
而且规则禁止我为雇主以外的任何人工作。
So he has to stay in Oregon.
所以他必须留在俄勒冈州。
He can't go to work for a hospital in Brooklyn or New Orleans.
他不能去布鲁克林或新奥尔良的医院工作。
He can't even volunteer.
他甚至不能做志愿者。
We're in a health emergency in the United States.
我们美国正处于卫生紧急状态。
And over a fourth of the physicians here are foreign born.
这里超过四分之一的医生是外国出生的。
Over 8,000 of those have the kind of visa that Somnath has, an H1B visa, which is given to people who have special education or skills and want to work in the United States.
其中超过 8,000 人持有 Somnath 所持有的 H1B 签证，该签证颁发给受过特殊教育或拥有特殊技能并希望在美国工作的人。
In Somnath's case, he was born in India, came here for his medical residency, got his H1B visa when he got his first job out of training at the hospital where he still works nine years later.
就索姆纳特而言，他出生在印度，来到印度进行住院医师实习，在医院培训结束后找到第一份工作时获得了 H1B 签证，九年后他仍然在那里工作。
If he had a green card, it would fix the problem.
如果他有绿卡，问题就解决了。
And he's waiting for one, but the backlog on green cards is massive.
他正在等待一张绿卡，但绿卡的积压量很大。
That'll take decades.
这需要几十年的时间。
He believes the government should grant exceptions to the rules right now and let health workers with H1B visas fly to the hotspots and help out during this crisis.
他认为政府应该立即给予规则例外，让持有 H1B 签证的卫生工作者飞往热点地区并在这场危机期间提供帮助。
And dozens of senators and Congress people, mostly Democrats, but a few Republicans sprinkled in, have tried to get the US Citizenship and Immigration Service to do just that, though that hasn't gotten much traction.
数十名参议员和国会议员（主要是民主党人，但也有少数共和党人）试图让美国公民和移民服务局这样做，尽管这并没有得到太大的支持。
So Dr. Ghosh is stuck in Southern Oregon during this crisis, far from the action.
因此，在这场危机期间，戈什博士被困在俄勒冈州南部，远离行动现场。
What if you just went?
如果你刚去呢？
Couldn't you just go?
你就不能走吗？
Well, if I do that, then I violate the terms of my H1B, and it becomes null and void.
好吧，如果我这样做，那么我就违反了我的 H1B 条款，并且它变得无效。
Oh, I see.
哦，我明白了。
Then you'd be here illegally, all of a sudden.
然后你就会突然非法居留在这里。
Well, yeah.
嗯，是的。
Then I'll be out of status, which means I'll be unemployed.
然后我就会失去身份，这意味着我将失业。
And yeah, that thought did cross my mind.
是的，这个想法确实闪过我的脑海。
Trust me.
相信我。
Yeah.
是的。
If I was just by myself, sure.
如果我独自一人，当然可以。
I'd do what I thought was right, and then I could just up and leave, go back to India or elsewhere.
我会做我认为正确的事情，然后我就可以起身离开，回到印度或其他地方。
With a wife and a 3-year-old and a six-year-old, yeah, I can't risk that.
我有妻子、一个三岁的孩子和一个六岁的孩子，是的，我不能冒这个风险。
Yeah.
是的。
How does it make you feel that you can't help?
怎么让你觉得自己无能为力？
Frustrated.
沮丧。
Small.
小。
I mean, you'd think that common sense will prevail and they'd do what's right for the population, especially in such trying times.
我的意思是，你会认为常识会占上风，他们会做对人民有利的事情，尤其是在这样的艰难时期。
You want to yell and shout and scream and say, what exactly are you guys thinking of?
你想大喊大叫，尖叫着说，你们到底在想什么？
Dr. Ghosh says before this, he felt happy in Southern Oregon.
戈什博士说，在此之前，他在俄勒冈州南部感到很快乐。
He's one of the leaders in his hospital.
他是医院的领导之一。
He felt like he belonged.
他觉得自己有归属感。
But since COVID, for the first time he's started to think he might leave the United States.
但自从新冠疫情爆发以来，他第一次开始考虑自己可能会离开美国。
I've been thinking about this more and more, because my kids are only 3 and 6.
我越来越多地思考这个问题，因为我的孩子只有 3 岁和 6 岁。
They can easily adapt to a new way of life.
他们可以轻松适应新的生活方式。
Mm-hm.
嗯嗯。
Somnath Ghosh I'll be honest.
索姆纳特·戈什（Somnath Ghosh） 说实话。
The community in Southern Oregon has embraced me, and this is home for me.
俄勒冈州南部的社区拥抱了我，这里就是我的家。
I was happy just doing my job, raising my family.
我很高兴能做我的工作，抚养我的家庭。
And then when this thing hit and I realized how helpless I am and how inconsequential, it boggles my mind that they don't think that this is a priority.
然后当这件事发生时，我意识到我是多么无助和多么无关紧要，令我难以置信的是他们并不认为这是一个优先事项。
If this happens again this winter with an outbreak and this repeats itself, I'm out of here.
如果今年冬天这种情况再次发生并爆发并且这种情况重演，我就离开这里。
I'm done.
我完成了。
What do you mean?
你什么意思？
Somnath Ghosh Oh, like if this winter season there's another surge and then we're hit with the flu, and the coronavirus, and a personnel and equipment shortage, and they need help, I'm not going to sit around just going through this rigmarole all over again.
索姆纳特·戈什（Somnath Ghosh）哦，如果今年冬季再次出现激增，然后我们受到流感、冠状病毒、人员和设备短缺的打击，他们需要帮助，我不会坐在那里再次经历这些繁琐的事情。
I'm going to pack my bags and leave.
我要收拾行李离开。
Maybe make a stop in New York or something for a few weeks before I leave.
也许在我离开之前在纽约停留几周或者其他什么地方。
So the plan would be to leave, take the whole family back to India.
所以计划是离开，带着全家回到印度。
And maybe on the way, you'd work for a few weeks or months in a New York hospital, since at that point it wouldn't matter.
也许在途中，你会在纽约的一家医院工作几周或几个月，因为那时一切都不再重要了。
Might as well.
或许也可以。
I mean, if I'm going to get out of here, I might as well do some good along the way.
我的意思是，如果我要离开这里，我不妨沿途做一些好事。
When I asked his wife, Renu, about that plan, she was like, well, we'll decide about that together.
当我向他的妻子雷努询问这个计划时，她说，好吧，我们会一起决定。
For now anyway, Somnath is stuck, getting texts like this one that he got recently from a friend, a guy who he went to medical school with, who's now in New Jersey, deluged with COVID cases.
无论如何，现在索姆纳特陷入了困境，他最近收到了一位朋友发来的类似这样的短信，这位朋友是他和他一起上医学院的，现在在新泽西州，感染了大量的新冠病例。
So here he says, "Hey, dude, haven't heard back from you in a few days.
所以他在这里说：“嘿，伙计，已经几天没有收到你的回复了。
What happened to your plans of coming here?
你来这里的计划发生了什么？
We could certainly use you.
我们当然可以使用你。
Getting our asses kicked here.
让我们的屁股被踢在这里。
Besides, I haven't seen you forever."
再说了，我也好久没见到你了。”
So I reply, "So apparently cannot help, due to H1B visa." So he replies, "Are you f-ing kidding me?
所以我回答说：“由于 H1B 签证的原因，显然无法提供帮助。”于是他回答道：“你在开玩笑吗？
We are using residents from unrelated specialties in our ICU.
我们在 ICU 中使用的是不相关专业的住院医生。
You're just going to sit there?"
你就只是坐在那里吗？”
So I reply, "What do you want me to do?" And he's like, "This is bullshit, bro.
所以我回答说：“你想让我做什么？”他就像，“这都是废话，兄弟。
I gotta go.
我得走了。
Talk to you later."
稍后再跟你说。”
Later in our program, Stuck.
后来在我们的节目中，卡住了。
There's so many of us stuck at home, or stuck without a job, or stuck on hold for everything next that was going to happen in our lives, waiting for a future to arrive that now seems unreadable and impenetrable.
我们中有很多人被困在家里，或者失业，或者为生活中即将发生的一切而搁置，等待一个现在看来难以理解和难以理解的未来的到来。
We have stories of people stuck in some unusual and extreme situations with-- I swear, we are human beings here at our show, we need this, too-- with some happy endings in some stories.
我们有一些故事，讲述了人们陷入一些不寻常和极端的情况——我发誓，我们是我们节目中的人，我们也需要这个——一些故事中有一些幸福的结局。
From WBEZ Chicago, this is This American Life.
来自 WBEZ 芝加哥，这就是《美国生活》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, You Can Check Out Anytime You Like, But You Can Never Leave.
第一幕，你可以随时退房，但你永远不能离开。
So our show today is about people who are stuck.
所以我们今天的节目是关于那些被困住的人的。
And years ago, one of our co-workers, Elna Baker, found herself trapped in a hotel room with her siblings, held there by a stranger.
几年前，我们的一位同事埃尔娜·贝克 (Elna Baker) 发现自己和她的兄弟姐妹被困在酒店房间里，并被一名陌生人劫持在那里。
What happened was, their family was all staying at this Marriott.
事情是这样的，他们一家人都住在这家万豪酒店。
But they're such a big family, four of the kids were in one room, with the oldest kid and the parents next door.
但他们是一个大家庭，四个孩子住在一个房间，最大的孩子和父母住在隔壁。
Elna was 14 years old at the time, in the room with 10-year-old Julia, 8-year-old Britain, and 5-year-old Jill, who Elna was sharing a bed with.
艾尔娜当时14岁，与10岁的朱莉娅、8岁的英国和5岁的吉尔同在一个房间，艾尔娜与吉尔同睡一张床。
Elna, the 14-year-old, the eighth grader, was more or less in charge.
艾尔娜，这个 14 岁的八年级学生，或多或少是负责人。
And then one night they're all asleep, it's the middle of the night.
然后有一天晚上，他们都睡了，那是半夜。
My memory is that it's like I saw like a sliver of light, which is what woke me up, and the sound of the door closing.
我的记忆是，我好像看到了一条光，这就是把我吵醒的，还有门关上的声音。
And there was the feeling that there was someone standing at the foot of the bed.
而且有一种感觉，床脚站着一个人。
Mm-hm.
嗯嗯。
Elna Baker So I reached over, and I turned the lamp on.
埃尔娜·贝克于是我伸出手，打开了灯。
And there was this woman.
还有这个女人。
Uh-huh.
嗯嗯。
Elna Baker And she looked startled to see us.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）看到我们，她看上去很惊讶。
And the first thing she said was, you're just children.
她说的第一句话是，你们只是孩子。
I didn't expect you to be children.
我没想到你还是个孩子。
So that's pretty creepy.
所以这非常令人毛骨悚然。
Elna Baker Right.
埃尔娜·贝克 对。
I instantly felt like this is an unsafe situation.
我立刻觉得这是一个不安全的情况。
Yeah.
是的。
Describe her.
描述一下她。
Elna Baker I remember she was my mom's age, so she was probably in her 40s.
艾尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker） 我记得她和我妈妈同龄，所以她大概有 40 多岁。
Mm-hm.
嗯嗯。
Elna Baker And brown hair, white, frumpy looking, like somebody you'd sit next to on the bus or something.
艾尔娜·贝克 (Elna Baker) 棕色的头发，白色的，看起来很邋遢，就像你在公共汽车上或其他什么地方坐在旁边的人。
Did she seem menacing?
她看起来有威胁吗？
Elna Baker She seemed really distressed.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）她看上去真的很苦恼。
She was crying, too.
她也哭了。
She was crying?
她在哭？
Elna Baker She was crying, yep.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）：是的，她在哭。
She cried the whole time she was there.
她在那儿的整个过程中都在哭。
She's crying, and she said, "You're children.
她哭着说：“你们还是孩子。
I didn't expect you to be children."
没想到你还是个孩子。”
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass And did the other kids get up?
艾拉·格拉斯 其他孩子起床了吗？
Everyone's wide awake.
大家都很清醒。
I distinctly remember my little brothers' and sisters faces, because their eyes were just huge.
我清楚地记得弟弟妹妹们的脸，因为他们的眼睛很大。
But no one said anything.
但没有人说什么。
And are they sitting up, too?
他们也坐起来了吗？
Or are they just laying flat still?
或者他们只是平躺着？
They're still laying flat.
他们仍然平躺着。
Like, nobody moved.
就像，没有人动。
So what happens next?
那么接下来会发生什么呢？
Elna Baker She's talking, right?
埃尔娜·贝克 她在说话，对吧？
This isn't how it was supposed to be.
这不应该是这样的。
And she's also crying.
她也在哭。
And she's talking to herself.
她正在自言自语。
I remember it being very hard to follow what she was saying.
我记得我很难听懂她说的话。
Yeah.
是的。
Elna Baker And eventually I said, I'm sorry.
埃尔娜·贝克：最后我说，对不起。
I think you have the wrong room.
我认为你走错房间了。
And she started to cry, and she said, I know, I know.
她开始哭，她说，我知道，我知道。
I do this, I do this.
我这样做，我这样做。
I don't know why I do this.
我不知道我为什么要这样做。
And then she's pacing back and forth and crying.
然后她就来回踱步并哭泣。
And she sits down on the bed, at the foot of the bed.
她坐在床上，床脚处。
Did she seem crazy?
她看起来疯了吗？
Or did she seem upset?
或者她看起来很沮丧？
I mean, it's interesting.
我的意思是，这很有趣。
I think I-- I was too young and unfamiliar to identify what a crazy person seems like.
我想我——我太年轻、太陌生，无法识别一个疯狂的人是什么样子。
Yeah.
是的。
Elna Baker But what I could identify in that moment was that this person was unpredictable.
埃尔娜·贝克 (Elna Baker) 但在那一刻我可以确定的是，这个人是不可预测的。
So you were just like, oh, I've got to be really careful how I do this.
所以你就像，哦，我必须非常小心地做这件事。
I remember feeling that pressure and, in that moment, very, very, very aware of my brothers and sisters, because they were so little.
我记得感受到了那种压力，在那一刻，我非常非常非常地意识到我的兄弟姐妹，因为他们太小了。
Yeah.
是的。
Elna Baker And that something bad could happen to them.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker） 他们可能会遇到不好的事情。
And that the way that it wasn't going to happen to them was me.
而这件事不会发生在他们身上的方式就是我。
There were no adults there.
那里没有大人。
I think it was the first situation I was ever in where there was-- you couldn't defer to someone else to keep you safe or tell you what to do.
我认为这是我遇到的第一个情况——你不能听从别人来保证你的安全或告诉你该怎么做。
And what do I do?
我该怎么办？
And it had that quality of like, time slows down.
它有一种感觉，就像时间变慢了。
And you're there, but you're also watching.
你就在那里，但你也在观看。
And so then I did the math in my head, and I was like, OK, I have a couple options.
然后我在心里算了一下，我想，好吧，我有几个选择。
They are cry for help, scream, but I don't think anyone will hear.
他们呼救、尖叫，但我认为没有人会听到。
Mm-hm.
嗯嗯。
Elna Baker I remember looking at how far away the phone was from me, and I realized I can reach and grab the phone, and I could call for help.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker） 我记得看着电话离我有多远，我意识到我可以伸手抓住电话，并且可以打电话寻求帮助。
Or even like if I could knock on the door where my sister was--
或者甚至就像我可以敲一下我姐姐所在的门——
Sister in the connecting room next door.
隔壁连通房的姐姐。
I could-- at least they would know something was happening in here, and they could get to us in time.
我可以——至少他们会知道这里发生了什么事，并且他们可以及时找到我们。
Yeah.
是的。
Elna Baker But all of that felt like an escalation, like I would provoke her.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）：但这一切感觉就像是事态升级，就像我会激怒她一样。
And so what can I do to not provoke her and play up the fact that we're children?
那么我该怎么做才能不激怒她并夸大我们还是孩子的事实呢？
And what I felt I needed to do was I needed to calm her down and become her friend.
我觉得我需要做的是让她平静下来并成为她的朋友。
And if I could become her friend, she would leave, and she wouldn't hurt us.
如果我能成为她的朋友，她就会离开，而且她不会伤害我们。
It was like, make her think I was on her side.
就像，让她觉得我站在她一边。
Because then it didn't feel like she didn't see us as people.
因为那样她就不会觉得我们没有被当人看。
It just felt dangerous, and I didn't understand why.
只是感觉很危险，但我不明白为什么。
And I felt like the key to being safe was slowing everything down.
我觉得安全的关键是放慢一切速度。
And I remember her saying, I'm really sorry.
我记得她说，我真的很抱歉。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
I'm sorry I'm here.
抱歉我在这里。
I'm sorry I'm doing this.
很抱歉我正在这样做。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
Mm-hm.
嗯嗯。
Elna Baker And I don't remember this, but my brother remembers that what she said was, I'm sorry, girls.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）：我不记得了，但我哥哥记得她说的是，对不起，女孩们。
I'm sorry, girls.
对不起，姑娘们。
And that his whole memory of this night was just being like, I'm a boy.
他对这一晚的全部记忆就是，我是个男孩。
And so I ask her.
所以我问她。
I said, are you OK?
我说，你还好吗？
Is everything OK?
一切都好吗？
And she kept going on about how her night was so hard.
她一直在讲述她的夜晚是如何艰难的。
And I was like, I'm so sorry.
我当时想，我很抱歉。
That sounds really, really difficult.
这听起来真的非常非常困难。
Yeah, this is me trying to befriend her.
是的，这是我想和她交朋友。
But it's weird.
但这很奇怪。
I feel like I was hyper alert to, if I can understand what's going on with her, I can help solve it.
我觉得我非常警惕，如果我能了解她发生了什么事，我就能帮助解决问题。
But I couldn't understand, because it didn't make any sense.
但我无法理解，因为这没有任何意义。
Did you feel sorry for her?
你为她感到难过吗？
Elna Baker I felt concerned for her.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）我为她感到担心。
Yeah.
是的。
Elna Baker And then she took out her purse.
埃尔娜·贝克：然后她拿出了钱包。
And she reached into her purse, and then she gripped onto something.
她把手伸进钱包，然后抓住了某个东西。
And I remember thinking like, oh, no. The way-- I thought--
我记得当时的想法是，哦，不。方式——我想——
Or a gun, or a knife, or something.
或者一把枪，或者一把刀，或者什么的。
I remember my heart just dropping.
我记得我的心在坠落。
And then she pulled out a hairbrush.
然后她拿出一把发刷。
And then she just started brushing her hair, like at the foot of my bed.
然后她就开始梳理头发，就像在我的床脚一样。
Wow.
哇。
Elna Baker And then at that point, I was like, this is really weird.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）然后在那一点上，我想，这真的很奇怪。
Like this is like--
就像这样——
Right.
对。
Elna Baker And I don't think she's going to leave.
埃尔娜·贝克：我认为她不会离开。
And then she sat on the vanity in front of the mirror at the desk, and she took her earrings off.
然后她坐在书桌镜子前的梳妆台上，摘下了耳环。
Oh, wow.
哦，哇。
Elna Baker And she started taking-- she took her shoes off.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker） 她开始脱掉鞋子。
She took her coat off.
她脱掉外套。
She was just like--
她就像——
Oh, wow.
哦，哇。
Elna Baker --making herself comfortable to be here now.
埃尔娜·贝克——现在来到这里让自己感到很舒服。
Right.
对。
Elna Baker And so I let her do all that and was listening to her go on about what was wrong.
埃尔娜·贝克 (Elna Baker) 所以我让她做这一切，并听她继续讲述哪里出了问题。
And then, eventually, after I felt like enough time had passed, I said we have to wake up early to go to school tomorrow.
然后，最终，当我觉得已经过去了足够的时间后，我说我们明天必须早起去上学。
And we're really tired, so I think we should probably go back to bed now.
我们真的很累，所以我想我们现在应该回去睡觉了。
And she was like, I know, I know.
她说，我知道，我知道。
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm here.
对不起，对不起，对不起，我在这里。
I'm here.
我在这儿。
I'm sorry I'm here.
抱歉我在这里。
And I said, no, it's totally fine that you're here-- almost like thank you for being here-- but do you mind leaving now?
我说，不，你在这里完全没问题——几乎就像感谢你来到这里一样——但是你介意现在离开吗？
And so I very slowly stood up and walked over to the door.
于是我慢慢地站起来，向门口走去。
And every moment was making sure we're safe.
每时每刻都在确保我们的安全。
And then I opened the door.
然后我打开了门。
And she said, OK, OK.
她说，好吧，好吧。
And put her shoes on.
并给她穿上鞋子。
And then she started to leave.
然后她开始离开。
And just as she was about to leave, I said, oh, you forgot your earrings.
正当她准备离开时，我说，哦，你忘了戴耳环。
And then she started crying all over again, like it was this huge thing.
然后她又开始哭了，就像这是一件大事一样。
Walked over to get the earrings, and then sat back down on the bed.
走过去拿了耳环，然后坐回床上。
And I remember thinking, god damn.
我记得当时我在想，该死的。
Why did I bring up the earrings?
我为什么要提起耳环？
We were so close to being safe.
我们已经非常接近安全了。
So then basically, the whole thing started all over again where I had to listen to her cry, calm her down.
所以基本上，整个事情又重新开始，我不得不听她的哭声，让她平静下来。
And then finally, I'm like, you know, we have to wake up early to go to school.
最后，我想，你知道，我们必须早起去上学。
Do you mind leaving?
你介意离开吗？
And I walked her to the door, and she walked out of the door.
我送她到门口，她走出了门。
And as soon as she was out of the door, I just pushed the door as hard as I could to close it.
她一出门，我就用尽全身力气把门关上。
And when I pushed it, basically like slammed it shut, she screamed at the top of her lungs.
当我推开它时，基本上就像把它关上一样，她大声尖叫。
And is there a bolt or something on the door?
门上有螺栓什么的吗？
I think I did bolt it, after I slammed it shut.
我想在我把它关上之后，我确实把它锁上了。
And then I heard her screaming in the hallway.
然后我听到她在走廊里尖叫。
And then she ran down the hallway screaming.
然后她尖叫着跑过走廊。
And then she ran back towards the door screaming.
然后她尖叫着跑回门口。
It was so scary.
太可怕了。
And then it was quiet.
然后就安静了。
And then I heard this loud-- she's like banging on the door, as hard as she can, right?
然后我听到这个声音——她就像用力敲门一样，对吧？
And then I hear a voice, and it's my dad.
然后我听到一个声音，是我爸爸。
And my dad's like, open the door, open the door!
我爸爸就像，开门，开门！
And I realize it's not her banging on the door.
我意识到这不是她在敲门。
So I open the door, and my dad's standing there.
于是我打开门，我爸爸站在那儿。
And he's like, did you hear someone screaming in the hallway?
他说，你听到走廊里有人尖叫了吗？
So then I tell him this whole story.
然后我告诉他整个故事。
I'm like, there was this woman.
我想，有这个女人。
She was in our room.
她在我们的房间里。
I tell him all the details, and he is furious.
我告诉他所有细节，他很生气。
He was so mad.
他太生气了。
And then he told us to stay there, shut the door, don't open the door.
然后他告诉我们呆在那里，关上门，不要开门。
And then he went downstairs and talked to the hotel about it.
然后他就下楼跟酒店说了这件事。
Yeah, and what did he learn?
是啊，他学到了什么？
Elna Baker They tell him that she had been outside.
埃尔娜·贝克 他们告诉他她一直在外面。
She was crying.
她在哭。
They asked if she was a guest there.
他们问她是否是那里的客人。
She said, yes.
她说，是的。
Her name was Elena Baker.
她的名字叫埃琳娜·贝克。
And so they looked up the name.
于是他们查了这个名字。
Elena Baker?
埃琳娜·贝克？
Elna Baker Elena Baker, yeah.
埃尔娜·贝克 埃琳娜·贝克，是的。
And your name is Elna Baker.
你的名字是埃尔娜·贝克。
Elna Baker Yes.
埃尔娜·贝克 是的。
OK.
好的。
Elna Baker But I don't believe this part of the story.
埃尔娜·贝克：但我不相信故事的这一部分。
I think someone at the hotel just said this to him to cover.
我想酒店里有人对他说了这句话只是为了掩饰。
And then they gave her a key.
然后他们给了她一把钥匙。
Yep.
是的。
And so the hotel offered him the whole stay for free, everything for free.
于是酒店免费为他提供了整个住宿期间，一切都免费。
And he's like, I don't care about your money.
他说，我不在乎你的钱。
I want you guys to do a formal investigation as to how this happened.
我希望你们对这件事是如何发生的进行正式调查。
Wow, that's such a white man takes charge move.
哇，这真是白人主导的举动。
My dad isn't white.
我爸爸不是白人。
Ira Glass Oh, point taken.
艾拉·格拉斯 哦，明白了。
[LAUGHTER] Elna Baker He's a Hispanic man.
[笑声]埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker） 他是一名西班牙裔男子。
Passionate, with such a Hispanic passion.
热情，带着西班牙式的热情。
I was just thinking, you just never hear somebody be like, I demand a formal investigation.
我只是在想，你从来没有听到有人这样说，我要求进行正式调查。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
It's like he's a member of Congress or something, you know?
就像他是国会议员之类的，你知道吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass All right.
艾拉·格拉斯 好吧。
Anyway--
无论如何——
But I mean, that's totally how my dad would-- like, that's my dad.
但我的意思是，这完全是我父亲所希望的，那就是我的父亲。
Point taken.
点已采取。
OK.
好的。
Elna Baker And so they do a formal investigation, which they then send to my dad.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）因此他们进行了正式调查，然后将其发送给我父亲。
Exactly.
正是如此。
And in it, there's a picture of the woman.
里面还有那个女人的照片。
And then there's her history.
然后是她的历史。
She had been in a psychiatric hospital and escaped that night, come to the hotel.
她本来在精神病院里，当晚逃了出来，来到了酒店。
And she had a long history of breaking into people's homes.
而且她有闯入别人家的悠久历史。
And he's not certain about this part, so I don't--
他对这部分不确定，所以我不——
He doesn't remember it.
他不记得了。
Elna Baker He doesn't remember, but he says that he remembers there being like she had attacked people when she'd broken into their homes.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）他不记得了，但他说他记得她闯入人们的家时袭击了人们。
That's what he remembers.
这就是他所记得的。
Elna Baker That's what he remembers.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）：这就是他的记忆。
That part of the story, the investigation, who the woman was, Elna only found that out a couple years ago, when she asked her dad about it.
故事的那一部分，调查，那个女人是谁，埃尔娜几年前问她爸爸时才知道。
At the time, back when she was 14, her parents kept all that from her and her brother and sisters.
当时，在她 14 岁的时候，她的父母对她和她的兄弟姐妹隐瞒了所有这些。
They didn't want them to dwell on it or make them afraid of the world.
他们不想让他们沉迷其中或让他们害怕这个世界。
They didn't want that evening to become a bigger deal than it already was.
他们不希望那天晚上变得比现在更严重。
And Elna says today, that worked.
艾尔娜今天说，这很有效。
And it's funny.
这很有趣。
Even as I've told this story over the years, people are like, oh that's so traumatic, or that's crazy.
即使我多年来一直讲述这个故事，人们也会说，哦，这太痛苦了，或者这太疯狂了。
And I don't want to think of it like that.
我不想这样想。
How so?
为何如此？
Elna Baker It just was sort of like a-- because nothing bad happened, it has no category for me, if that makes sense.
埃尔娜·贝克（Elna Baker）：这有点像——因为没有发生什么不好的事情，它对我来说没有类别，如果这有意义的话。
It was easier to just think like, oh, this weird thing happened one night when we were in a hotel.
更容易想到的是，哦，一天晚上我们在酒店时发生了一件奇怪的事情。
In retrospect, would you have preferred if they had told you back when you were 14?
回想起来，如果他们在你 14 岁时告诉你，你会更愿意吗？
No, I think it's good that I got to live in a world that I think is safe.
不，我认为生活在一个我认为安全的世界里很好。
On the other hand, she says if they had made clear how much danger she was in, the family's memory of it and her memory of it wouldn't be of this weird event with no category, this random thing that happened one night.
另一方面，她说，如果他们清楚地表明她面临着多大的危险，家人对这件事的记忆以及她对这件事的记忆就不会是这个没有类别的奇怪事件，这个一天晚上发生的随机事件。
Instead, it would fit squarely into the category called victory, solid win for 14-year-old girl in a big religious family when she got that stranger out of their hotel room without anybody getting hurt.
相反，这完全符合所谓胜利的范畴，对于一个宗教大家庭中的 14 岁女孩来说，当她在没有任何人受伤的情况下将那个陌生人带出酒店房间时，这是一场坚实的胜利。
And Elna says she would have liked that win.
埃尔娜说她会喜欢这场胜利。
When you're trapped inside of a room with an unpredictable person, really, all you've got is your wits, and your ability to read the situation, and your judgment at guessing what will work.
当你被困在一个房间里，周围是一个不可预知的人时，实际上，你所拥有的只是你的智慧，你解读情况的能力，以及你猜测什么会起作用的判断力。
Nice to show everybody that even a kid can make the right call sometimes, if they pay attention closely enough.
很高兴向大家展示，如果他们足够集中注意力，即使是孩子有时也可以做出正确的决定。
There's this piece of writing that for months we've been trying to figure out how to get onto the radio, trying to figure out a theme where we could conceivably run it.
有一篇文章，几个月来我们一直在试图弄清楚如何进入广播，试图找出一个我们可以想象的运行它的主题。
And it's about somebody stuck in a bad relationship, in this case, an abusive relationship.
这是关于某人陷入不良关系，在这种情况下，是一种虐待关系。
And it tries to capture what that feels like, in particular all the mental energy that somebody in that situation can put into trying to figure out exactly what they should do to avoid setting off their partner.
它试图捕捉那种感觉，特别是在这种情况下的人可以投入的所有精神能量，试图找出他们应该做什么以避免激怒他们的伴侣。
In her memoir, In The Dream House, Carmen Maria Machado invented this totally ingenious way to get that feeling across.
在她的回忆录《梦之屋》中，卡门·玛丽亚·马查多发明了这种完全巧妙的方式来表达这种感觉。
There's this chapter that's a "choose your own adventure" where she imagines different choices that she could have made.
这一章是“选择你自己的冒险”，她想象自己可以做出的不同选择。
A heads up that this excerpt includes a scene with sexual content.
请注意，此摘录包含包含性内容的场景。
It's read first by actor Zoë Winters.
首先由演员佐伊·温特斯朗读。
Page 1, you wake up, and the air is milky and bright.
第1页，你醒来，空气是乳白色的，明亮的。
The room glows with a kind of effervescent contentment, despite the boxes, and clothes, and dishes.
尽管有盒子、衣服和盘子，房间里仍洋溢着一种兴奋的满足感。
You think to yourself, this is the kind of morning you could get used to.
你心想，这是你可以习惯的早晨。
When you turn over, she is staring at you.
当你翻身时，她正盯着你。
The luminous innocence of the light curdles in your stomach.
光的明亮纯真在你的胃里凝结。
You don't remember ever going from awake to afraid so quickly.
你不记得曾经这么快地从清醒到害怕。
"You were moving all night," she says.
“你整个晚上都在搬家，”她说。
"Your arms and elbows touched me.
“你的手臂和肘部触碰了我。
You kept me awake." If you apologize profusely, go to page 2.
你让我保持清醒。”如果您深表歉意，请转到第 2 页。
If you tell her to wake you up next time your elbows touch her in your sleep, go to page 3.
如果你告诉她下次你睡梦中你的肘部碰到她时叫醒你，请转到第 3 页。
If you tell her to calm down, go to page 5.
如果你让她冷静下来，请转到第 5 页。
I choose page 2.
我选择第2页。
Page 2.
第 2 页。
"I'm so sorry," you tell her.
“我很抱歉，”你告诉她。
"I really didn't mean to.
“我真的不是故意的。
I just move my arms around a lot in my sleep." You try to be light about it.
我只是在睡觉时经常移动手臂。”你尽量保持轻松的态度。
"Did you know my dad does the same thing?
“你知道我爸爸也做同样的事吗？
The sleeping damsel swoon?
熟睡的少女昏倒了？
So weird.
太奇怪了。
I must have--" "Are you really sorry?" she says.
我一定是——” “你真的很抱歉吗？她说。
"I don't think you are." "I am," you say.
“我不认为你是。” “我是，”你说。
You want the first impression of the morning to return to you, its freshness, its light.
您希望恢复早晨的第一印象，它的清新、它的轻盈。
"I really am." "Prove it." "How?" "Stop doing it." "I told you.
“我确实是。” “证明一下。” “如何？” “别这么做了。” “我告诉过你了。
I can't." "Fuck you," she says, and gets out of bed.
我不能。” “操你妈的，”她说着就下了床。
You follow her all the way to the kitchen.
你跟着她一路来到厨房。
Go to page 7.
转到第 7 页。
Page 7, breakfast.
第7页，早餐。
You scramble some eggs, make some toast.
你炒一些鸡蛋，做一些吐司。
She eats mechanically and leaves the plate on the table.
她机械地吃着，然后把盘子留在桌子上。
"Clean that up," she says as she goes to the bedroom to get dressed.
“把它清理干净，”她边说边去卧室穿衣服。
If you stare mutely at the dirty plate and all you can think about is Clara Barton, the feminist icon of your youth who had to teach herself how to be a nurse and endured abuse from men telling her what to do at every turn, and you remember being so angry and running to your parents and asking them if women still got told what was right or proper, and your mom said, yes, and your dad said, no, and you, for the first time had an inkling of how complicated and terrible the world was, go to page 10.
如果你默默地盯着肮脏的盘子，你能想到的只是克拉拉·巴顿，你年轻时的女权主义偶像，她必须自学如何成为一名护士，并忍受着男人每次都告诉她该做什么的虐待，你还记得当时如此愤怒，跑向你的父母，问他们女人是否仍然被告知什么是正确或正确的，你妈妈说，是的，你爸爸说，不，而你，第一次意识到世界是多么复杂和可怕，去吧第 10 页。
If you do as you are told, go to page 8.
如果您按照指示进行操作，请转至第 8 页。
If you tell her to do it herself, go to page 5.
如果您让她自己做，请转到第 5 页。
Page 5-- are you kidding?
第5页--你在开玩笑吗？
You'd never do this.
你永远不会这样做。
Don't try to convince any of these people that you'd stand up for yourself for one second.
不要试图让这些人相信你会为自己辩护一秒钟。
Get out of here.
离开这里。
Go to the next chapter.
转到下一章。
You're out.
你出去了。
Wait.
等待。
No. Let's try that again.
不，我们再试一次。
I go to page 8.
我翻到第 8 页。
Page 8.
第 8 页。
As you're washing the dishes, you think to yourself, maybe I should put a tack on my forehand.
当你洗碗的时候，你心里想，也许我应该在正手上加点钉子。
Maybe I should be a better person.
也许我应该成为一个更好的人。
Go to page 1.
转到第 1 页。
Page 1.
第 1 页。
You wake up, and the air is milky and bright.
你醒来，空气是乳白色的，明亮的。
The room glows with a kind of effervescent contentment, despite the boxes, and clothes, and dishes.
尽管有盒子、衣服和盘子，房间里仍洋溢着一种兴奋的满足感。
You think to yourself this is the kind of morning you could get used to.
你心想这是你可以习惯的早晨。
When you turn over, she is staring at you.
当你翻身时，她正盯着你。
The luminous innocence of the light curdles in your stomach.
光的明亮纯真在你的胃里凝结。
You don't remember ever going from awake to afraid so quickly.
你不记得曾经这么快地从清醒到害怕。
"You were moving all night", she says.
“你整个晚上都在搬家”，她说。
"Your arms and elbows touched me.
“你的手臂和肘部触碰了我。
You kept me awake." If you apologize profusely, go to page 2.
你让我保持清醒。”如果您深表歉意，请转到第 2 页。
If you tell her to calm down, go to page 5.
如果你让她冷静下来，请转到第 5 页。
If you tell her to wake you up next time your elbows touch her in your sleep, go to page 3.
如果你告诉她下次你睡梦中你的肘部碰到她时叫醒你，请转到第 3 页。
I go to page 3.
我转到第 3 页。
Page 3.
第 3 页。
"Baby, if this ever happens in the future, you can always wake me up, and I'll go to the couch.
“宝贝，如果以后再发生这种事，你可以随时叫醒我，我就去沙发上。
I promise.
我保证。
I really don't mean to do it.
我真的不想这么做。
I don't have any memory of it.
我对此没有任何记忆。
I can't control how I move in my sleep."
我无法控制自己在睡眠中的移动方式。”
"You are such a fucking cunt," she says.
“你真是个混蛋，”她说。
"You never take responsibility for anything." "Well, all you have to do is wake me up," you say, a kind of incoherent desperation zipping through your skull.
“你永远不会为任何事情承担责任。” “好吧，你所要做的就是叫醒我，”你说，一种语无伦次的绝望在你的头骨中掠过。
"That's it.
“就是这样。
Wake me up and tell me to move or sleep on the couch, and I will do it.
叫醒我并告诉我要动一下还是睡在沙发上，我就会这么做。
I swear to you." "Fuck you," she says, and gets out of bed.
我向你发誓。” “操你妈的，”她说着就下了床。
You follow her to the kitchen.
你跟着她到厨房。
Go to page 7.
转到第 7 页。
Page 7.
第 7 页。
Breakfast.
早餐。
You scramble some eggs, make some toast.
你炒一些鸡蛋，做一些吐司。
She eats mechanically and leaves the plate on the table.
她机械地吃着，然后把盘子留在桌子上。
"Clean that up," she says, as she goes to the bedroom to get dressed.
“把它清理干净，”她一边说，一边去卧室穿衣服。
If you do as you are told, go to page 8.
如果您按照指示进行操作，请转至第 8 页。
If you tell her to do it herself, go to page 5.
如果您让她自己做，请转到第 5 页。
If you stare mutely at the dirty plate, and all you can think about is Clara Barton, the feminist icon of your youth who had to teach herself how to be a nurse and endured abuse from men, telling her what to do at every turn, and you remember being so angry and running to your parents and asking them if women still got told what was right or proper, and your mom said yes, and your dad said no, and you, for the first time, had an inkling of how complicated and terrible the world was, go to page 10.
如果你默默地盯着肮脏的盘子，你满脑子想的都是克拉拉·巴顿，你年轻时的女权主义偶像，她必须自学如何成为一名护士，忍受男人的虐待，告诉她每一次该做什么，你还记得自己如此愤怒，跑向你的父母，问他们是否仍然告诉女人什么是正确或正确的，你妈妈说是，你爸爸说不，而你第一次意识到世界是多么复杂和可怕，走吧至第 10 页。
Page 10.
第 10 页。
That night, she fucks you as you lie there mutely, praying for it to be over, praying she won't notice you're gone.
那天晚上，当你静静地躺在那里时，她操着你，祈祷这一切结束，祈祷她不会注意到你走了。
You have voided your body so many times by now that it is force of habit, reflexive as a sigh.
到目前为止，你已经排空你的身体很多次了，这已经成为习惯的力量，反射性地叹息。
It reminds you of your first boyfriend, who fucked you while watching porn, how he rutted and rutted, and then every so often lifted the remote to rewind something you couldn't see.
它让你想起你的第一个男朋友，他在看色情片时操你，他如何发脾气，然后时不时地举起遥控器来倒带一些你看不到的东西。
Once you turned your head over the lip of the bed and saw a tangle of upside down limbs, and your brain couldn't make sense of them.
一旦你把头转过床沿，看到一堆倒置的肢体，你的大脑就无法理解它们了。
You never looked again.
你再也没有看过。
You would just lie there silently, watching his face move over you.
你就静静地躺在那里，看着他的脸在你身上移动。
It was like being unfolded beneath the yawn of the planetarium as a kid-- the sped up rotation of the Earth, the movement of the stars, the constellations melting into and out of being.
这就像小时候在天文馆的哈欠下展开一样——地球的加速旋转、恒星的运动、星座的融化和消失。
You shudder and moan with precision.
你颤抖着，精确地呻吟着。
She turns off the lights.
她关掉灯。
You watch the darkness until the darkness leaves you, or you leave it.
你注视着黑暗，直到黑暗离开你，或者你离开它。
To sleep, go to page 14.
要睡觉，请转到第 14 页。
To dream about the present, go to page 13.
要梦想现在，请转到第 13 页。
To dream about the future, go to page 12.
要梦想未来，请转至第 12 页。
To dream about the past, go to page 11.
要梦见过去，请转到第 11 页。
I want to dream about the past.
我想梦见过去的事。
I choose page 11.
我选择第11页。
Page 11.
第 11 页。
The first time it happened, the first time she yelled at you so much you were crying within 30 seconds from waking, a record.
第一次发生这种事，第一次她对你大喊大叫，你醒来后 30 秒内就哭了，这是创纪录的。
She said, "The first 10 minutes of the day, I'm not responsible for anything I say." This struck you as poetic.
她说：“一天的前10分钟，我不对自己说的任何话负责。”这让你觉得很有诗意。
You even wrote it down, sure you would find a place for it in a book, maybe.
你甚至把它写下来，也许你会在一本书里找到它的位置。
Go to page 14.
转到第 14 页。
Page 9.
第 9 页。
You shouldn't be on this page.
您不应该出现在该页面上。
There's no way to get here from the choices given to you.
没有办法从给你的选择中到达这里。
Do you think that by flipping through this chapter linearly you'd find some kind of relief?
你认为通过线性地翻阅这一章你会找到某种解脱吗？
Don't you get it?
你不明白吗？
All of this shit already happened.
这一切都已经发生了。
And you can't make it not happen, no matter what you do.
无论你做什么，你都无法阻止它发生。
Do you want a picture of a fawn?
你想要一张小鹿的照片吗？
Will that help?
这会有帮助吗？
OK, here's a fawn.
好的，这是一只小鹿。
She is small and dappled and loose legged.
她身材娇小，长着斑驳的双腿。
She hears a sound, freezes, and then bolts.
她听到一声声音，愣住了，然后逃跑了。
She knows what to do.
她知道该怎么做。
She knows there's somewhere safer she can be.
她知道她可以去更安全的地方。
Go to page 10.
转到第 10 页。
I don't want to go to page 10.
我不想翻到第10页。
Page 6.
第 6 页。
You shouldn't be on this page.
您不应该出现在该页面上。
There's no way to get here from the choices given to you.
没有办法从给你的选择中到达这里。
You flipped here because you got sick of the cycle.
你之所以跳到这里是因为你厌倦了这个循环。
You wanted to get out.
你想出去。
You're smarter than me.
你比我聪明。
Go to page 10.
转到第 10 页。
Fine.
很好。
I go to page 10.
我翻到第 10 页。
Page 10.
第 10 页。
That night she fucks you as you lie there mutely, praying for it to be over, praying she won't notice you're gone.
那天晚上，当你静静地躺在那里时，她操着你，祈祷这一切结束，祈祷她不会注意到你走了。
You have voided your body so many times by now that it is force of habit, reflexive as a sigh.
到目前为止，你已经排空你的身体很多次了，这已经成为习惯的力量，反射性地叹息。
It reminds you of-- [FADE OUT]
它让你想起——[淡出]
[FADE IN] --sped up rotation of the Earth, the movement of the stars, the constellations melting into and out of being.
[淡入]——加速地球的自转、恒星的运动、星座的融化和消失。
You shudder and moan with precision.
你颤抖着，精确地呻吟着。
She turns off the lights.
她关掉灯。
You watch the darkness until the darkness leaves you, or you leave it.
你注视着黑暗，直到黑暗离开你，或者你离开它。
To sleep, go to page 14.
要睡觉，请转到第 14 页。
To dream about the past, go to page 11.
要梦见过去，请转到第 11 页。
To dream about the present, go to page 13.
要梦想现在，请转到第 13 页。
Page 13.
第 13 页。
You shouldn't be here, but it's OK.
你不应该在这里，但没关系。
It's a dream.
这是一个梦。
She can't find you here.
她在这里找不到你。
In a minute, you're going to wake up, and everything is going to seem like it's the same, but it's not.
一分钟后，你就会醒来，一切看起来都一样，但事实并非如此。
There's a way out.
有一条出路。
Are you listening to me?
你在听我说话吗？
You can't forget when you wake up.
当你醒来时你无法忘记。
You can't go to page 14.
您无法转到第 14 页。
I want to dream about the future.
我想要梦想未来。
I go to page 12.
我翻到第 12 页。
Page 12.
第 12 页。
It's going to be all right.
一切都会好起来的。
One day, your wife will gently adjust your arm if it touches her face at night, soothingly straightening it while kissing you.
有一天，如果你的手臂在晚上碰到她的脸，你的妻子会轻轻地调整你的手臂，在亲吻你时安抚地伸直它。
Sometimes, you will wake up just enough to notice.
有时，您醒来时会注意到。
Other times, she'll only tell you in the morning.
其他时候，她只会在早上告诉你。
It's the kind of morning you could get used to.
这是你可以习惯的早晨。
Go to page 14.
转到第 14 页。
Page 14.
第 14 页。
You wake up, and the air is milky and bright.
你醒来，空气是乳白色的，明亮的。
The room glows with a kind of effervescent contentment, despite the boxes, and clothes, and dishes.
尽管有盒子、衣服和盘子，房间里仍洋溢着一种兴奋的满足感。
You think to yourself, this is the kind of morning you could get used to.
你心想，这是你可以习惯的早晨。
When you turn over, she is staring at you.
当你翻身时，她正盯着你。
The luminous innocence of the light curdles in your stomach.
光的明亮纯真在你的胃里凝结。
You don't remember ever going from awake to afraid so quickly.
你不记得曾经这么快地从清醒到害怕。
"You were moving all night," she says.
“你整个晚上都在搬家，”她说。
"Your arms and elbows touched me.
“你的手臂和肘部触碰了我。
You kept me awake." If you apologize profusely, go to page 2.
你让我保持清醒。”如果您深表歉意，请转到第 2 页。
If you tell her to wake you up next time your elbows touch her in your sleep, go to page 3.
如果你告诉她下次你睡梦中你的肘部碰到她时叫醒你，请转到第 3 页。
If you toss back the blankets from your body and hit the floor with both feet and tear through the house like it's Pamplona, and when you get to the driveway, your car keys are already in your hand, and you drive away with a theatrical squeal of the tires never to return again, go to page 15.
如果你把身上的毯子掀开，用双脚踩在地板上，像潘普洛纳一样撕裂房子，当你到达车道时，你的车钥匙已经在你手里，你带着轮胎戏剧性的尖叫声开走了，再也没有回来，请转到第 15 页。
Page 15.
第 15 页。
That's not how it happened, but OK.
事情不是这样发生的，但是没关系。
We can pretend.
我们可以假装。
I'll give it to you, just this once.
我就给你，就这一次。
Turn to page 16.
翻到第16页。
Page 16, an end.
第16页，结束。
In the pit of it, you fantasize about dying, tripping on a sidewalk and stumbling into the path of an oncoming car, a gas leak silently offing you in your sleep, a machete-wielding madman on public transit, falling down the stairs, but drunk, so you flop limb over limb like a marionette and feel no pain-- anything to make it stop.
在它的深渊里，你幻想自己快要死了，在人行道上绊倒，绊倒迎面驶来的汽车的道路，在睡梦中无声无息地发生煤气泄漏，公共交通上一个挥舞着砍刀的疯子，从楼梯上摔下来，但喝醉了，所以你像木偶一样四肢翻滚，感觉不到任何疼痛——任何能让它停下来的东西。
You have forgotten that leaving is an option.
你忘记了离开也是一种选择。
Zoë Winters, reading a chapter from Carmen Maria Machado's memoir In The Dream House.
佐伊·温特斯 (Zoë Winters) 正在阅读卡门·玛丽亚·马查多 (Carmen Maria Machado) 的回忆录《梦之屋》中的一章。
Coming up, a family in quarantine thinks it's figured everything out, doing everything perfectly, until evidence of one tiny, tiny mistake.
接下来，一个被隔离的家庭认为他们已经解决了所有问题，一切都做得很完美，直到出现了一个微小的错误。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio, when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's show, Stuck.
今天的节目，卡住了。
For these long lockdown days, and weeks, and months, stories of people trapped in one situation or another for long stretches, stuck.
在这些漫长的封锁日子、几周、几个月里，人们长期陷入一种或另一种情况的故事被困住了。
I say this, recording these words in a closet at home.
我一边说着，一边把这些话记录在家里的壁橱里。
Here, I'm going to tap.
在这里，我要敲击。
That's the sound of me tapping hangers and a shirt.
那是我敲打衣架和衬衫的声音。
So this writer named Damon Linker wrote this column for the magazine and website The Week about how, right now, with schools and jobs shut down, we've all become unmoored from the future.
因此，这位名叫达蒙·林克 (Damon Linker) 的作家为杂志和网站《The Week》撰写了这篇专栏文章，内容是关于现在，随着学校和工作的关闭，我们都如何与未来脱钩。
We're stuck in the present.
我们被困在当下。
And it's unclear when we're going to move forward to graduation, or a new job, or whatever else we're building for ourselves and our lives in a normal time we would be looking forward to.
目前还不清楚我们什么时候才能毕业，或者找到一份新工作，或者在我们期待的正常时间内为自己和我们的生活建立任何其他东西。
And he tries to make the case that this is a big, big deal.
他试图证明这是一件非常非常大的事情。
"Human beings live their lives in time", he writes.
“人类在时间中生活”，他写道。
"Our sense of ourselves is partly who we're trying to become." Quote, "A life without forward momentum is to a considerable extent a life without purpose, or at least the kind of purpose that lifts our spirits and enlivens our steps.
“我们对自己的感觉部分取决于我们想成为什么样的人。”引用：“没有前进动力的生活在很大程度上是没有目标的生活，或者至少是那种振奋我们精神、活跃我们脚步的目标。
Without the momentum and purpose, we flounder.
没有动力和目标，我们就会陷入困境。
A present without a future is a life that feels less worth living, because it's a life haunted by a shadow of futility." End quote.
没有未来的现在是一种感觉不值得过的生活，因为它是一种被徒劳的阴影所困扰的生活。”结束报价。
I have to say, I've thought about that so much these last few weeks, because so many people that I'm close to I just see how they are stressed out by how weirdly formless their days have become.
我不得不说，在过去的几周里我思考了很多这个问题，因为我认识的很多人都因为他们的日子变得多么奇怪而无定形而承受着多么大的压力。
The normal routine is all gone.
正常的生活规律全部消失了。
And all of us have only the cloudiest sense of what the future is going to be.
我们所有人对于未来的前景都只有最模糊的感觉。
Act Three of our program today is about a family that is in that limbo, hunkered down, trying to get by.
我们今天节目的第三幕讲述的是一个处于困境中的家庭，蹲下来试图度过难关。
When you're stuck indoors for long stretches of time, weird things can happen.
当你长时间被困在室内时，可能会发生奇怪的事情。
So let's get to this.
那么让我们开始吧。
This is Act Three, Cold Case.
这是第三幕，悬案。
So you know those locked room detective stories where there's a crime in some room, and it's unclear how the culprit even got into the room?
所以你知道那些上锁的房间侦探故事，其中某个房间里发生了犯罪，但不清楚罪犯是如何进入房间的？
This next story is kind of about that sort of situation.
下一个故事就是关于这种情况的。
One of our producers, Nadia Reiman, explains.
我们的一位制作人 Nadia Reiman 解释道。
This thing happened recently that made no sense to me at all.
最近发生的这件事对我来说完全没有意义。
My family's been isolating in suburban Rochester, New York, where my parents live, and I mean hardcore isolating.
我的家人一直在纽约罗切斯特郊区隔离，我的父母也住在那里，我的意思是硬核隔离。
We see no one, we go nowhere.
我们看不到任何人，我们哪儿也去不了。
We haven't been inside a store or been around other humans in two months.
我们已经两个月没有进过商店，也没有和其他人接触过。
For food, we do curbside pickup or delivery, which privilege, I know.
对于食物，我们提供路边取货或送货服务，我知道这是一种特权。
Then we do this insane disinfection process where we wipe everything down with a 90% rubbing alcohol, 10% water solution we made ourselves.
然后我们进行疯狂的消毒过程，用我们自己配制的 90% 外用酒精和 10% 水溶液擦拭所有东西。
When we're done, the room smells like a sterilized doctor's office.
当我们完成后，房间闻起来就像一个经过消毒的医生办公室。
When we go for walks, if we see anyone, we cross the street a block ahead.
当我们散步时，如果看到有人，我们就会穿过前面一个街区的街道。
We pick up all mail with disposable gloves, leave it in the garage for 24 hours.
我们带着一次性手套领取所有邮件，并将其留在车库 24 小时。
We used to spray with Lysol first.
我们以前先用来苏尔喷雾。
We agreed that was overkill.
我们一致认为这太过分了。
But to be honest, I still do it behind my family's back.
但说实话，我还是背着家人这么做。
So in my mind, there is no way any germ could break through our impenetrable disinfectant fortress.
所以在我看来，任何细菌都无法突破我们坚不可摧的消毒剂堡垒。
But somehow, after doing this day after day for seven straight weeks--
但不知何故，在连续七周日复一日地这样做之后——
Yeah, I woke up fairly early in the morning and felt it.
是的，我早上很早就醒了，感觉到了。
I think I have a cold.
我想我感冒了。
That's my husband, Jeremy.
那是我的丈夫，杰里米。
Jeremy I was rundown, runny nose, sore throat.
杰里米我很疲惫，流鼻涕，喉咙痛。
In a couple of days, he was fine.
几天后，他就好了。
But I was like, how the hell did that even happen?
但我想，这到底是怎么发生的？
How could he possibly have gotten a cold?
他怎么可能感冒了？
We've been super careful, because he has an immune deficiency, one that affects his respiratory system.
我们一直非常小心，因为他患有免疫缺陷，会影响他的呼吸系统。
It keeps me up at night, sometimes.
有时它让我彻夜难眠。
Because if the cold virus made it into our house, then the coronavirus could too.
因为如果感冒病毒进入我们的房子，那么冠状病毒也可能进入我们的房子。
It meant there was a crack in our armor.
这意味着我们的盔甲出现了裂缝。
I needed to know where we had failed, so Jeremy and I consulted an expert at a very safe social distance.
我需要知道我们在哪里失败了，所以杰里米和我在非常安全的社交距离内咨询了一位专家。
Where are you?
你在哪里？
Ron Eccles I'm in Cardiff, Wales, United Kingdom.
Ron Eccles 我在英国威尔士加的夫。
And I'm on the coast here, so I'm looking out over the sea.
我在这里的海岸上，所以我可以眺望大海。
So I'm really well isolated.
所以我真的很孤立。
This is Ron Eccles, who really knows about colds.
这是罗恩·埃克尔斯，他对感冒非常了解。
Studied them for 50 years.
对它们进行了 50 年的研究。
He ran a place called the Common Cold Center at Cardiff University.
他在卡迪夫大学经营着一个名为普通感冒中心的地方。
Almost immediately, I told him all the precautions we were taking.
我几乎立刻就告诉了他我们正在采取的所有预防措施。
I don't understand how this is physically possible.
我不明白这在物理上怎么可能。
I just really want to know how did this happen?
我真的很想知道这是怎么发生的？
How could he have gotten this?
他怎么能得到这个？
Well, it's a bit of a mystery.
嗯，这有点神秘。
Let me see if I can ask you some questions to work through it, rather like a detective.
让我看看是否可以像侦探一样问你一些问题来解决这个问题。
You say you've not actually met anybody, so I assume you've not physically touched anybody, shaken hands, or anything like that.
你说你实际上没有见过任何人，所以我假设你没有身体接触任何人，握手，或类似的事情。
No, not at all.
不，一点也不。
Ron Eccles What about the door handle outside?
罗恩·埃克尔斯 外面的门把手怎么样？
Does anybody else touch that door handle, perhaps to open it?
还有其他人碰过那个门把手吗？也许是为了打开它？
A cleaner or a delivery man?
清洁工还是送货员？
Well, so here's what I've done.
嗯，这就是我所做的。
Every time we go out the house, I started to spray the door handle with Lysol.
每次我们出门时，我就开始用来苏水喷洒门把手。
And now I made the paint come off, so there's like a big streak going down the middle of it, because I've sprayed it so much.
现在我把油漆弄掉了，所以中间有一条很大的条纹，因为我喷了太多。
I can personally guarantee that doorknob is safe.
我个人可以保证门把手是安全的。
The next way you could pick up a cold from someone is by what we call an aerosol.
另一种可能从某人身上感染感冒的方法是通过我们所说的气雾剂。
And these are just tiny particles.
这些只是微小的颗粒。
Is there any way that someone could have been outside, and coughing and sneezing, and maybe small particles have come in?
有没有可能有人在外面咳嗽、打喷嚏，也许有小颗粒进来了？
Is that a possibility?
有这种可能吗？
That seemed like the only possible way.
这似乎是唯一可能的方法。
Because we will see people jogging, walking towards us, and we'll cross the street.
因为我们会看到人们慢跑，向我们走来，然后我们就会过马路。
And so if there's any potential for them to have sneezed or coughed in the trail--
因此，如果他们有可能在路上打喷嚏或咳嗽——
Yeah, that's a possibility, if you're caught downwind from them.
是的，如果你处于他们的下风处，那是有可能的。
I mean, sure, but pretty damn unlikely.
我的意思是，当然，但不太可能。
Eccles moves onto a different line of questioning.
埃克尔斯转向了不同的提问路线。
I'm homing in now on two possibilities for Jeremy.
我现在正在关注杰里米的两种可能性。
Did Jeremy experience any itching at all with this episode that he had, itching in the throat or nose?
杰里米在这次发作中是否经历过任何瘙痒，喉咙或鼻子发痒？
Because if you had any itching, I would tend to think that it could be some sort of allergy.
因为如果你有任何瘙痒，我倾向于认为这可能是某种过敏。
And he's been tested twice.
他已经接受过两次测试。
No allergies.
没有过敏。
Which leaves one last possibility, one I didn't even imagine, like not in my wildest dreams.
这就留下了最后一种可能性，一种我什至没有想象到的可能性，就像我最疯狂的梦想中没有的那样。
The thing that made him sick, it was inside him all along.
让他感到恶心的东西，一直就在他的内心。
We are carrying a lot of bacteria around in our throat and nose, normally.
通常，我们的喉咙和鼻子里携带着大量细菌。
Now, if we get stressed-- and you did mention that Jeremy did have a bit of a slight immune deficiency, but stress causes us to get even more immune deficient-- then it's possible that some of the bacteria that are normally hanging around in the throat or nose of Jeremy have taken that opportunity of low immunity to make a bit of an infection.
现在，如果我们感到压力——你确实提到杰里米确实有一点轻微的免疫缺陷，但压力会导致我们的免疫缺陷更加严重——那么有可能一些通常徘徊在杰里米喉咙或鼻子里的细菌利用了免疫力低下的机会造成了一些感染。
So I think I'm proving that it's probably a bacterial infection, because I can't see how on Earth you would have got a cold with all the precautions that you're taking.
所以我想我正在证明这可能是一种细菌感染，因为我不明白你在采取所有预防措施的情况下到底是怎么会感冒的。
Not a virus, but a bacterium.
不是病毒，而是细菌。
But it's masquerading as a common cold.
但它伪装成普通感冒。
That's his best guess.
这是他最好的猜测。
Basically, the call was coming from inside the house.
基本上，电话是从屋内打来的。
How long would Jeremy have been like-- how long would it have been just hanging out there with him?
杰里米会这样多久——和他一起待在那里多久？
Could it be like months?
会不会像几个月一样？
Could it be something that he had since before the seven weeks that we've been up here?
难道是我们来到这里七个星期之前他就有的东西吗？
Oh, yes.
哦是的。
It could be years.
可能要好几年。
Nadia Reiman Really?
纳迪亚·雷曼 真的吗？
Years.
年。
Nadia Reiman It felt good.
纳迪亚·雷曼 感觉很好。
It meant there was no hole in the armor.
这意味着铠甲上没有破洞。
All the wiping, the spraying, it was working.
所有的擦拭、喷洒，都在起作用。
Everything was fine.
一切都很好。
Jeremy also felt good, kind of.
杰里米也感觉很好。
I think in some ways, I might feel less relieved now, because now it feels like it just lives in me and that it's just always there waiting to try to kill me.
我想在某些方面，我现在可能不太放心，因为现在感觉它就住在我体内，而且总是在那里等着试图杀死我。
Don't worry, Jeremy.
别担心，杰里米。
We all have the same bacteria.
我们都有相同的细菌。
Nadia Reiman I have a small confession to make.
纳迪亚·雷曼（Nadia Reiman） 我有一个小小的坦白。
When Jeremy first told me he felt sick, honestly, I didn't really believe him.
老实说，当杰里米第一次告诉我他感觉不舒服时，我并不太相信他。
I love him, but I thought he was just tired.
我爱他，但我以为他只是累了。
Turns out, he was right.
事实证明，他是对的。
He was sick.
他病了。
It was real.
这是真的。
So here you go.
那么就到这里吧。
Jeremy, you were right.
杰里米，你是对的。
Sorry, love.
对不起，亲爱的。
Nadia Reiman is one of the producers of our show.
纳迪亚·雷曼 (Nadia Reiman) 是我们节目的制片人之一。
Act Four, Unhappy Accident.
第四幕，不幸的事故。
So we end our show today with a story from our archive of somebody stuck in a momentary difficult situation.
因此，我们今天以一个来自我们档案中的故事来结束我们的节目，这个故事讲述了一个陷入暂时困境的人。
It comes from Etkar Keret.
它来自埃特卡·凯雷特。
The story is all true.
这个故事都是真实的。
It happens in Israel, where Etkar lives, and was read for us in English translation by actor, Michael Chernus.
它发生在埃特卡居住的以色列，演员迈克尔·切尔努斯为我们朗读了英文翻译。
"30 years I'm a cabbie", the small guy sitting behind the wheel tells me.
“我当出租车司机已有 30 年了”，坐在方向盘后面的小个子告诉我。
"30 years and not one accident." It's been almost an hour since I got into his taxi in Beersheba, and he hasn't stopped talking for a second.
“30年，没有发生过一起事故。”自从我在贝尔谢巴坐上他的出租车已经快一个小时了，他却没有停止过说话。
Under different circumstances, I would tell him to shut up, but I don't have the energy for that today.
在不同的情况下，我会告诉他闭嘴，但我今天没有精力这么做。
Under different circumstances, I wouldn't shell out 350 shekels to take a taxi to Tel Aviv.
在不同的情况下，我不会花 350 谢克尔乘坐出租车去特拉维夫。
I would take the train.
我会坐火车。
But today I feel that I have to get home as early as I can.
但今天我觉得我必须尽早回家。
I spent last night at Ichilov Hospital with my wife.
昨晚我和妻子在伊奇洛夫医院度过。
She had a miscarriage and was bleeding heavily.
她流产了，流血过多。
We thought it would be OK, till she passed out.
我们以为一切都会好起来的，直到她昏倒了。
It wasn't until we got to the emergency room that they told us that her life was in danger and gave her a blood transfusion.
直到到达急诊室，他们才告诉我们她有生命危险，并给她输血。
Three days before that, my dad's doctors told me and my parents that the cancer at the base of his tongue, which had been in remission for four years, was back.
三天前，我父亲的医生告诉我和我的父母，他的舌根癌已经缓解了四年，现在又复发了。
And the tumor was at such an advanced stage that the only way to fight it was to remove his tongue and larynx.
而且肿瘤已经到了晚期，对抗肿瘤的唯一方法就是切除他的舌头和喉部。
The oncologist said she didn't recommend having the surgery, but my dad said that he was for it.
肿瘤科医生说她不建议进行手术，但我爸爸说他赞成。
The oncologist told him that the operation would leave him seriously handicapped, unable to speak or eat.
肿瘤科医生告诉他，手术将使他严重残疾，无法说话或进食。
"At my age," my dad said, "all I need are my heart and my eyes, so I can enjoy watching my grandchildren grow." When we left the room, the doctor whispered to me, "Try to talk to him." She clearly doesn't know my dad.
“在我这个年纪，”爸爸说，“我需要的只是我的心和我的眼睛，这样我就可以享受看着我的孙子们成长。”当我们离开房间时，医生低声对我说：“试着和他谈谈。”她显然不认识我父亲。
The taxi driver repeats for the hundredth time that, in 30 years, he hasn't had a single accident.
出租车司机第一百次重复说，三十年来，他没有发生过一起事故。
And that all of a sudden five days ago, his car kissed the bumper of the car in front of him, traveling at 20 kilometers per hour.
而五天前，他的车突然吻住了前面那辆时速二十公里的车的保险杠。
When they stopped and checked, he saw that, except for a scratch on the left side of the bumper, the other car hadn't really been damaged at all.
当他们停下来检查时，他发现另一辆车除了保险杠左侧有划痕外，并没有受到任何真正的损坏。
He offered the other driver 200 shekels on the spot, but the driver insisted that they exchange insurance information.
他当场向另一名司机提供了200谢克尔，但司机坚持要求他们交换保险信息。
The next day, the driver, a Russian, asked him to come to a garage.
第二天，司机是一位俄罗斯人，请他去车库。
And he and the owner, probably a friend of his, showed him a huge dent all the way on the other side of the car and said the damage was 2,000 shekels.
他和车主（可能是他的朋友）向他展示了汽车另一侧的一个巨大凹痕，并表示损失达 2,000 谢克尔。
The cab driver refused to pay.
出租车司机拒绝付钱。
And now the other guy's insurance company was suing him.
现在另一个人的保险公司正在起诉他。
"Don't worry, it'll be OK", I tell him, in the hope that my words will make him stop talking for a minute.
“别担心，不会有事的”，我告诉他，希望我的话能让他暂时停止说话。
"How will it be OK?" he complains.
“怎么会好呢？”他抱怨道。
"They're going to screw me.
“他们会搞砸我的。
Those bastards are going to squeeze the money out of me.
这些混蛋会榨干我的钱。
You see how unfair it is?
你看这有多么不公平吗？
Five days I haven't slept.
我已经五天没有睡觉了。
Do you get what I'm saying?"
你明白我在说什么吗？”
"Stop thinking about it", I suggest.
“别再想了”，我建议。
Try thinking about other things in your life, happy things." "I can't", the cab driver groans and grimaces.
试着想想生活中的其他事情，快乐的事情。” “我不能，”出租车司机呻吟着，做了个鬼脸。
"I just can't." "Then stop talking to me about it", I say.
“我就是做不到。” “那就别再跟我谈论这件事了”，我说。
"Keep on thinking and suffering, but just don't tell me about it anymore, OK?"
“继续思考和痛苦，但不要再告诉我了，好吗？”
"It's not the money", the taxi driver continues, "believe me.
“这不是钱的问题，”出租车司机继续说道，“相信我。
Yesterday, I went with my son to the graves of the Tzaddikim.
昨天，我和儿子一起去了 Tzaddikim 的坟墓。
We bought blessings for 1,800 shekels, and I didn't mind paying.
我们花了1800谢克尔买了祝福，我不介意付钱。
It's the injustice that gets me." "Shut up", I say, finally losing it.
让我受不了的是不公正。” “闭嘴”，我说，终于失去了理智。
"Just shut up for a minute!"
“你就闭嘴一分钟吧！”
"What are you yelling for?" the cab driver asked, insulted.
“你喊什么？”出租车司机满脸侮辱地问道。
"I'm an old man.
“我是一个老人。
It's not nice." "I'm yelling because my father is going to die if they don't cut his tongue out of his mouth", I continued to yell.
这不太好。”“我大喊大叫是因为如果他们不把他的舌头从他嘴里割下来，我父亲就会死”，我继续大喊。
"I'm yelling because my wife is in the hospital after a miscarriage."
“我大喊大叫是因为我的妻子流产后住院了。”
The driver is silent for the first time since I got into his taxi.
自从我上了他的出租车以来，司机第一次沉默了。
And now I'm suddenly the one who can't stop the stream of words.
现在我突然变成了一个无法停止言语的人。
"Let's make a deal", I say.
“我们来做个交易吧”，我说。
"Get me to an ATM, and I'll take out 2,000 shekels and give it to you.
“带我去 ATM 机，我取出 2000 谢克尔给你。
In exchange, it'll be your father who has to have his tongue removed and your wife who's lying in a hospital bed getting a blood transfusion after a miscarriage."
作为交换，你的父亲将不得不被切除舌头，而你的妻子将在流产后躺在医院的病床上接受输血。”
The driver is still silent.
司机依然沉默。
And now so am I.
现在我也是。
I feel a little uncomfortable for having shouted at him, but not uncomfortable enough to apologize.
我对他大喊大叫感到有点不舒服，但还没有不舒服到要道歉。
To avoid his eyes, I look out the window.
为了避开他的目光，我看向窗外。
We missed the exit to Tel Aviv.
我们错过了前往特拉维夫的出口。
I tell him that, politely.
我礼貌地告诉他。
Or I shouted, angrily.
或者我愤怒地大喊。
I don't recall anymore.
我不记得了。
He tells me not to worry.
他告诉我不要担心。
He doesn't really know the way, but in a minute he'll find out.
他确实不认识路，但过一会儿他就会找到的。
A few seconds later, he parks in the right lane of the highway after managing to convince another driver to stop.
几秒钟后，他在设法说服另一名司机停车后，将车停在高速公路的右车道。
He starts to get out of the taxi to ask for directions to Tel Aviv.
他开始下出租车询问去特拉维夫的路线。
"You'll kill us both", I tell him.
“你会杀了我们两个”，我告诉他。
"You can't stop here." "30 years I'm a cabbie", he tosses back at me as he gets out of the taxi.
“你不能停在这里。” “我当出租车司机已经 30 年了”，他从出租车上下来后对我说道。
"30 years and not one accident."
“30年，没有发生过一起事故。”
Alone in the cab, I can feel the tears rising.
独自一人在驾驶室里，我能感觉到泪水在流淌。
I don't want to cry.
我不想哭。
I don't want to feel sorry for myself.
我不想为自己感到难过。
I want to be positive, like my dad.
我想像我父亲一样积极乐观。
My wife is fine now, and we already have a wonderful son.
我的妻子现在很好，我们已经有了一个很棒的儿子。
My dad survived the Holocaust.
我父亲在大屠杀中幸存下来。
That's not just the half full glass, it's an overflowing one.
这不仅仅是半满的杯子，而是满溢的杯子。
I don't want to cry, not in this taxi, not next to this driver that I yelled at.
我不想哭，不是在这辆出租车里，也不是在我对着大喊大叫的司机旁边。
The tears are welling up and will soon begin to flow.
泪水正在涌出，很快就会流下来。
Suddenly, I hear a crashing boom and the sound of windows breaking.
突然，我听到一声巨响和窗户破碎的声音。
The world around me shatters.
我周围的世界支离破碎。
A silver car veers across the next lane, completely smashed.
一辆银色汽车转向旁边的车道，完全被撞坏了。
The taxi moves too, but not on the ground.
出租车也会移动，但不在地面上。
It floats above it, towards the concrete wall on the side of the road.
它漂浮在它上面，朝向路边的混凝土墙。
After it hits, there's another bang.
击中之后，又是一声巨响。
Another car must have hit the taxi.
一定是另一辆车撞上了出租车。
A second before the ambulance drives away, they load the taxi driver into it.
救护车开走前一秒，他们将出租车司机抬上车。
Deep in my heart, I was hoping they'd send us in separate ambulances, but it just wasn't my day.
在我内心深处，我希望他们能用不同的救护车送我们，但那不是我的日子。
The driver, looking revitalized and happy, lights a cigarette.
司机点了一根烟，看上去精神焕发，很高兴。
The paramedic wears a yarmulke and tells me I was very lucky.
护理人员戴着圆顶小帽，告诉我我很幸运。
An accident like that with no deaths is a miracle.
这样的事故没有造成人员伤亡，堪称奇迹。
"The minute you're discharged from the hospital", he says, "you should run to the nearest synagogue and give thanks for still being alive." My cell phone rings.
“当你出院的那一刻，”他说，“你应该跑到最近的犹太教堂，感谢自己还活着。”我的手机响了。
It's my dad.
这是我爸爸。
He's only calling ask how my day at the university was and whether the little one is asleep yet.
他打电话只是问我在大学的日子过得怎么样，孩子睡着了没有。
I tell him that the little one is sleeping, and my day at the university was great.
我告诉他，小家伙正在睡觉，我在大学的一天过得很愉快。
And Shira, my wife, is fine, too.
我的妻子希拉也很好。
She just stepped into the shower.
她刚刚走进淋浴间。
"What's that noise?" he asks.
“那是什么声音？”他问道。
"An ambulance siren", I tell him and try to sound casual.
“救护车警报器”，我告诉他，并尽量让自己听起来很随意。
"One just passed by in the street."
“刚刚有人在街上路过。”
Once, five years ago when I was in Sicily with my wife and son, I called my dad to ask how he was.
五年前，有一次，当我与妻子和儿子在西西里岛时，我打电话给我父亲，询问他怎么样。
He said everything was fine.
他说一切都很好。
In the background, a voice on a loudspeaker was calling a Dr. Schulman to the operating room.
在背景中，扩音器里传来一个声音，正在呼唤舒尔曼医生到手术室。
"Where are you?" I asked.
“你在哪儿？”我问。
"In the supermarket", my dad said without a moment's hesitation.
“在超市。”爸爸毫不犹豫地说。
"They're announcing on the loudspeaker that someone lost her purse." He sounded so convincing when he said that, so confident and happy.
“他们用扩音器宣布有人丢了钱包。”他说这句话的时候听起来是那么的有说服力，那么的自信和快乐。
"Why are you crying?" my dad asks now from the other side of the line.
“你为什么哭？”我爸爸现在在电话的另一边问道。
I force myself to smile, hoping he can sense it, too.
我强迫自己微笑，希望他也能感觉到。
"It's nothing", I say, as the ambulance stops next to the emergency ward and the paramedic slams the ambulance doors open.
“没什么”，我说，救护车停在急诊室旁边，护理人员砰地一声打开了救护车门。
"Really, it's nothing."
“真的，没什么。”
Michael Chernus, reading a story by Etkar Keret.
迈克尔·切尔努斯（Michael Chernus）正在阅读埃特卡·凯雷特（Etkar Keret）的故事。
Etkar's most recent collection of stories is called Fly Already.
艾特卡最新的故事集名为《Fly Already》。
And just this week, the new TV series that he wrote and directed with his wife Shira Geffen, Middleman, premiered on television in France and Germany.
就在本周，他与妻子希拉·格芬 (Shira Geffen) 共同编剧和导演的新电视剧《中间人》在法国和德国的电视上首播。
I have seen this show.
我看过这个节目。
It is amazing.
太神奇了。
I hope it gets to the United States soon.
我希望它能尽快到达美国。
Our program was produced today by one of our managing editors, Sarah Abdurrahman and Aviva DeKornfeld.
我们的节目今天由我们的一位执行编辑 Sarah Abdurrahman 和 Aviva DeKornfeld 制作。
The people who put our show together today includes Bim Adewunmi, Elna Baker, Emanuele Berry, Susan Burton, Dana Chivvis, Sean Cole, Noor Gill, Damien Graef, Lina Misitzis, Stowe Nelson, Katherine Rae Mondo, Nadia Reiman, Robyn Semien, Alissa Shipp, Lilly Sullivan, Chris Swetala, Matt Tierney, and Julie Whitaker.
今天的节目制作人包括 Bim Adewunmi、Elna Baker、Emanuele Berry、Susan Burton、Dana Chivvis、Sean Cole、Noor Gill、Damien Graef、Lina Misitzis、Stowe Nelson、Katherine Rae Mondo、Nadia Reiman、Robyn Semien、Alissa Shipp、Lilly Sullivan、Chris Swetala、Matt Tierney 和 Julie Whitaker。
Our other managing editor is Diane Wu.
我们的另一位总编辑是 Diane Wu。
Our executive editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的执行编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Special thanks today to Harrison Nesbitt, Alexi Horowitz-Ghazi, and Eileen Berry.
今天特别感谢 Harrison Nesbitt、Alexi Horowitz-Ghazi 和 Eileen Berry。
I first read about Damon Linker's column in The Week, by reading Andrew Sullivan's column in New York Magazine.
我第一次读到达蒙·林克（Damon Linker）在《本周》（The Week）上的专栏是通过阅读安德鲁·沙利文（Andrew Sullivan）在《纽约杂志》（New York Magazine）上的专栏。
Our website thisamericanlife.org where you can stream our archive of over 700 episodes for absolutely free during your lockdown or your commute to your essential job.
在我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org 上，您可以在居家隔离或上班途中完全免费地观看我们的 700 多集档案。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
You know, before he began his distinguished career in public broadcasting, Torey worked in an ice cream truck.
要知道，在开始他在公共广播领域的杰出职业生涯之前，托里曾在一辆冰淇淋车里工作过。
But, I don't know, man, there were certain basics of the job I think he never got used to.
但是，我不知道，伙计，我认为他从未习惯这项工作的某些基本知识。
Every single stop, he would greet the customers crowding around the window exactly the same way.
每到一站，他都会用同样的方式迎接挤在窗前的顾客。
You're just children.
你们只是孩子。
I didn't expect you to be children.
我没想到你还是个孩子。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
This American Life This American Life 与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。