682: Ten Sessions - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #682 | November 20, 2020 682: Ten Sessions Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 682 集 | 2020 年 11 月 20 日 682：十节 注意：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
序言：序言 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的 Ira Glass，这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
There's this kind of therapy for trauma, victims of sexual assault, soldiers with PTSD, where instead of taking years and talking, and talking, and talking on some couch to a therapist with no end in sight, you basically knock it out, all the treatment in just 10 or 12 sessions.
有一种针对创伤、性侵犯受害者、患有创伤后应激障碍 (PTSD) 的士兵的治疗方法，不需要花费数年的时间与治疗师交谈、交谈、在沙发上与治疗师交谈，看不到尽头，你基本上可以完成所有治疗，只需 10 到 12 个疗程。
Two weeks-- you can do it in two weeks.
两周——你可以在两周内完成。
And it's effective.
而且它很有效。
Studies have shown that.
研究表明。
This therapy's been around since the '80s, but I think lots of people who might find it useful don't even know it's an option for them.
这种疗法自 80 年代以来就已经存在，但我认为很多可能发现它有用的人甚至不知道它是他们的一种选择。
Like, for instance, Jaime Lowe, who's a writer and reporter and a good candidate for this treatment.
例如，杰米·洛（Jaime Lowe）是一名作家和记者，也是这种治疗的良好人选。
I was sexually assaulted when I was 13, almost 30 years ago.
我 13 岁时遭到性侵犯，差不多 30 年前了。
And for most of those 30 years, I didn't really talk about it.
在那 30 年的大部分时间里，我并没有真正谈论过它。
Not because I didn't want to or need to, but because I didn't know how.
不是因为我不想或不需要，而是因为我不知道如何做。
And no one asked.
而且没有人问。
Jaime Lowe decided to do a story where she would go through this therapy herself and record all of the sessions, which never happens.
Jaime Lowe 决定制作一个故事，让她自己经历这种治疗并记录所有治疗过程，但这从未发生过。
Like most therapy, usually this treatment is in private, not on the radio.
与大多数治疗一样，这种治疗通常是私下进行的，而不是通过广播进行。
And hearing how it works, it really is kind of remarkable.
听听它是如何工作的，这确实是一件了不起的事情。
My mom was a therapist.
我妈妈是一名治疗师。
I've been in therapy.
我一直在接受治疗。
This is so different from what I have ever heard.
这与我所听到的有很大不同。
And that's going to be our show today.
这就是我们今天的节目。
We're going to hear it step by step, this sometimes life-changing process, and how that can happen so quickly.
我们将一步一步地听到它，这个有时会改变生活的过程，以及它是如何如此迅速地发生的。
A quick warning to listeners before we start about content.
在我们开始讨论内容之前，向听众发出一个快速警告。
This story does mention the sexual assault of a teenager.
这个故事确实提到了青少年的性侵犯。
Here's Jaime Lowe.
请听海梅·洛的报道。
I thought because I didn't talk about the assault or even think about it much, everything was as resolved as it could be.
我想，因为我没有谈论这次袭击，甚至没有想太多，所以一切都已经解决了。
But then after Donald Trump, and "grab them by the pussy," and Harvey Weinstein, and all of them, it's not that specific memories of the assault would pop up, I just felt immobilized, anxious, protective of my body.
但在唐纳德·特朗普“抓住他们的阴户”和哈维·韦恩斯坦以及所有这些人之后，并不是关于袭击的具体记忆会突然出现，我只是感到一动不动，焦虑，保护我的身体。
And I realized my sexual assault wasn't resolved at all.
我意识到我的性侵犯根本没有得到解决。
Around this time, I heard about a therapy for sexual assault survivors, called Cognitive Processing Therapy, or CPT.
大约在这个时候，我听说了一种针对性侵犯幸存者的疗法，称为认知处理疗法（CPT）。
A researcher described it to me as short-term inexpensive, practical, like learning a skill.
一位研究人员向我描述它是短期的、廉价的、实用的，就像学习一项技能一样。
The typical way to deal with trauma in therapy is to talk about the incident over and over, until it's less radioactive.
在治疗中处理创伤的典型方法是一遍又一遍地谈论该事件，直到它的放射性减弱。
CPT does the same thing, but in a systematized way.
CPT 做同样的事情，但是以系统化的方式。
It's all laid out in advance, and the same for everyone-- what you'll do in the first session, and the second, and the third, and so on.
这一切都是提前安排好的，对每个人来说都是一样的——你在第一节、第二节、第三节等中要做什么。
Each session is based on learning a skill and practicing that skill on a worksheet.
每个课程都基于学习一项技能并在工作表上练习该技能。
You go over each element of the trauma, piece by piece, and try to see it differently.
你逐一回顾创伤的每一个要素，并尝试以不同的方式看待它。
The goal is to change the story you've been telling yourself about what happened.
目标是改变你一直告诉自己发生的事情的故事。
I got in touch with Dr. Debra Kaysen, a psychologist with a specialty in trauma therapy at the University of Washington School of Medicine.
我联系了黛布拉·凯森博士，她是华盛顿大学医学院创伤治疗专业的心理学家。
She and I started talking and e-mailing about CPT.
她和我开始谈论 CPT 并通过电子邮件发送。
It all seemed so different than the therapy I was used to-- my weekly talk sessions-- and I realized I wanted to try it.
这一切似乎与我习惯的疗法——每周一次的谈话——非常不同，我意识到我想尝试一下。
I've done a lot of therapy.
我已经做了很多治疗。
After the assault, I had two manic episodes and was diagnosed bipolar.
袭击发生后，我有两次躁狂发作，并被诊断为躁郁症。
I've always been very open about mental illness.
我对精神疾病一直持开放态度。
I wrote a book about being bipolar a couple of years ago.
几年前我写了一本关于双相情感障碍的书。
But even though that book is partly about my adolescence, I barely mention the assault.
尽管那本书部分是关于我的青春期的，但我几乎没有提到那次袭击。
I've never dealt with it, I never wanted to-- in the book, in treatment.
我从来没有处理过这个问题，我从来不想在书里或治疗中处理过它。
But now I was feeling the trauma more.
但现在我更能感受到创伤。
I thought CPT might help me.
我认为 CPT 可能对我有帮助。
I also thought, what if this could help lots of people?
我还想，如果这可以帮助很多人呢？
I asked Dr. Kaysen if I could record the sessions and play them on the radio.
我问凯森博士我是否可以录制这些会议并在广播中播放。
She checked in with colleagues-- a psychologist with an expertise in journalism, a journalism ethics professor-- to make sure we'd be able to have a therapeutic relationship while I was simultaneously doing a story about the therapy.
她与同事——一位精通新闻学的心理学家、一位新闻伦理学教授——进行了沟通，以确保我们能够在我同时撰写有关治疗的故事的同时建立治疗关系。
After a lot of back and forth and establishing some basic ground rules, we set up our CPT boot camp-- 10 hour-long sessions over two weeks in Seattle.
经过多次反复讨论并建立了一些基本规则后，我们在西雅图建立了 CPT 训练营，为期两周、为期 10 个小时的课程。
Usually CPT is one session a week for 12 weeks, but we decided to condense it.
通常 CPT 是每周一次，持续 12 周，但我们决定将其压缩。
And early studies show this approach is effective.
早期研究表明这种方法是有效的。
Last October, I flew out to Seattle.
去年十月，我飞往西雅图。
Session one, October 22nd.
第一节，10 月 22 日。
Debra Kaysen Excellent.
黛布拉·凯森 非常好。
I'm sitting with Dr. Kaysen in a generic room at the university clinic.
我和凯森医生坐在大学诊所的一间普通病房里。
I fail at setting up the recording equipment a few times, before getting it semi-right.
我在设置录音设备时失败了几次，才得到了一半的正确。
I'm not a radio person.
我不是广播员。
So let me tell you a little bit about what we're going to do today.
那么让我告诉你一些我们今天要做的事情。
OK?
好的？
OK.
好的。
Debra Kaysen So usually, today is a little more heavy on the psycho ed.
黛布拉·凯森（Debra Kaysen）所以通常来说，今天的心理教育内容会更重一些。
It's going to be a little different than a lot of our other sessions.
这将与我们的许多其他会议有所不同。
I'm going to be talking a lot.
我要讲很多。
OK.
好的。
Debra Kaysen OK?
黛布拉·凯森好吗？
Which takes a little bit of the pressure off of you, maybe.
也许这会减轻你的一些压力。
OK.
好的。
Dr. Kaysen has a kindergarten teacher presence that makes me feel ready and OK.
凯森博士有一位幼儿园老师的存在，让我感觉准备好了并且一切顺利。
She starts the first session with me the way she would with anyone, by talking about sexual assault and PTSD.
她以对待任何人的方式开始与我的第一次会谈，谈论性侵犯和创伤后应激障碍。
50% of women who are sexually assaulted develop PTSD.
50% 遭受性侵犯的女性会患上创伤后应激障碍 (PTSD)。
That could mean symptoms like depression, anxiety, flashbacks-- some of the things I've actually been feeling when I hear the news.
这可能意味着抑郁、焦虑、回忆等症状——这些都是我听到这个消息时实际感受到的。
Dr. Kaysen hands me a photocopied worksheet.
凯森博士递给我一张影印的工作表。
Everything we're going to do, this entire therapy, is structured around these worksheets.
我们要做的一切，整个治疗，都是围绕这些工作表构建的。
I'll do them at my Airbnb.
我会在我的 Airbnb 上做。
And when Dr. Kaysen and I meet, we'll go over them.
当我和凯森博士见面时，我们会讨论这些问题。
Each set of worksheets will cover a new skill, and I'll master that before moving on to the next skill, which Dr. Kaysen will introduce at the end of each session.
每套工作表将涵盖一项新技能，我将在继续学习下一项技能之前掌握该技能，凯森博士将在每次课程结束时介绍该技能。
The idea is, by the time we're done, I'll be able to do this on my own with any issue in my life.
我们的想法是，当我们完成时，我将能够自己解决生活中的任何问题。
Dr. Kaysen explains my first assignment.
凯森博士解释了我的第一项任务。
Most of the worksheets have all sorts of boxes to fill in with answers.
大多数工作表都有各种需要填写答案的框。
They look like badly designed forms you'd get at the DMV, but this first one is just a sheet of paper.
它们看起来就像是在DMV 收到的设计糟糕的表格，但第一份表格只是一张纸。
What I want you to do is write at least one page on why you think that the sexual assault occurred.
我希望您至少写一页说明您认为发生性侵犯的原因。
I do not want you to use this as an opportunity to write specific details about the event, OK?
我不想让你以此为契机写下有关该事件的具体细节，好吗？
This is more writing about what you think caused the event.
这更多地写的是你认为导致该事件的原因。
The phrase "caused the event" makes me uneasy, because as much as I intellectually believe that nothing specific really caused the event, there are things I still question.
“导致该事件”这个词让我感到不安，因为尽管我理智上相信没有任何具体因素真正导致了该事件，但有些事情我仍然存有疑问。
It's embarrassing that, after 30 years, I still might think it's my fault, but I do.
令人尴尬的是，三十年后，我可能仍然认为这是我的错，但我确实如此。
I can tell you that the cause is going to be very hard for me.
我可以告诉你，这项事业对我来说将非常困难。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah, we talked earlier about what are the stories we tell ourselves.
是的，我们之前讨论过我们给自己讲的故事是什么。
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Debra Kaysen Right?
黛布拉·凯森 对吗？
The event happened because I took a shortcut.
这件事的发生是因为我走了捷径。
Right?
正确的？
The event happened because I had a drink.
这件事发生是因为我喝了一杯酒。
The event happened because I was wearing a short skirt.
这件事发生是因为我穿着短裙。
And sometimes people know that that's not why it happened, but sometimes those thoughts still haunt them.
有时人们知道这不是事情发生的原因，但有时这些想法仍然困扰着他们。
OK.
好的。
There aren't any right or wrong answers.
没有任何正确或错误的答案。
I want you to just vomit the ideas on the page.
我希望你能吐出页面上的想法。
That's my specialty.
这是我的专长。
Debra Kaysen Awesome.
黛布拉·凯森 太棒了。
Then you'll do well.
那你就会做得很好。
I love vomiting out words.
我喜欢吐出话来。
Debra Kaysen That's awesome.
黛布拉·凯森 太棒了。
That's what I want.
这就是我想要的。
All right.
好的。
OK, so.
好的，那么。
Debra Kaysen OK, any worries that you have about doing this?
Debra Kaysen 好的，您对此有什么担心吗？
But of course, I'm worried.
但当然，我很担心。
The thought of reliving the assault is terrifying.
重温袭击的想法令人恐惧。
Even reading the one-sentence description of the assault during the audio recording of my book left me in tears.
甚至在我的书的录音中读到对这次袭击的一句话描述也让我流下了眼泪。
I rarely articulated the details out loud.
我很少大声说出细节。
I just don't know what will come up.
我只是不知道会发生什么。
I don't know what it's going to be like to dig in for the next two weeks.
我不知道接下来的两周会是什么样子。
Session two.
第二节。
So what are you actually doing?
那么你实际上在做什么？
I'm totaling it.
我正在合计。
Jaime Lowe Can you describe the worksheet, actually?
Jaime Lowe 您实际上能描述一下该工作表吗？
Yeah, absolutely.
是的，绝对是。
Happy to.
很高兴。
So this is called the PTSD checklist.
所以这被称为 PTSD 检查表。
OK.
好的。
Debra Kaysen OK.
黛布拉·凯森 好的。
And all it is a measure of how intense the symptoms of PTSD are.
所有这些都是衡量创伤后应激障碍（PTSD）症状有多严重的指标。
Dr. Kaysen says we'll start all the sessions like this-- going over my PTSD symptoms and rating their intensity.
凯森博士说，我们将这样开始所有的治疗——检查我的创伤后应激障碍症状并评估它们的强度。
How frequently have I been thinking of the trauma?
我有多少次想起创伤？
Have I been dreaming about it?
我一直在做梦吗？
Reliving it?
重温它？
In the past 24 hours, how much have I been distressed by repeated disturbing and unwanted memories of the traumatic event?
在过去 24 小时内，我因重复出现的创伤事件的令人不安和不想要的记忆而感到多么痛苦？
Each question gets a numerical value on a scale of 0 to 4, and Dr. Kaysen adds them up.
每个问题都有一个 0 到 4 范围内的数值，Kaysen 博士将它们相加。
And so what I'll do is I'll actually start graphing these and keeping track--
所以我要做的就是开始绘制这些图表并跟踪——
I'm not sure how to answer these questions with a number, but I have the same problem when physicians ask me to rate pain on a scale of 1 to 10.
我不知道如何用数字来回答这些问题，但当医生要求我按照 1 到 10 的等级对疼痛进行评分时，我也遇到了同样的问题。
After we go over my PTSD symptoms, Dr. Kaysen will ask me about my mood.
在我们检查完我的 PTSD 症状后，凯森医生会询问我的情绪。
Then we'll move on to the homework, what she calls the practice.
然后我们将继续做作业，她称之为练习。
Most of each session we're going to spend actually reviewing the practice that you did over the day.
每节课的大部分时间我们都会花在实际回顾您一天中所做的练习上。
OK?
好的？
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Debra Kaysen So for today, what we're going to do is we're going to actually start by going through the impact statement that you wrote.
黛布拉·凯森（Debra Kaysen） 那么，今天我们要做的就是从仔细阅读您所写的影响声明开始。
The impact statement-- the one-page worksheet on why I think the assault happened.
影响陈述——一页的工作表，说明我认为袭击发生的原因。
I wrote it before sunrise this morning, and it was, not surprisingly, really hard to write.
我今天早上日出之前写的，毫不奇怪，真的很难写。
So I'm going to have you read to me what you wrote.
所以我要让你读给我听你写的内容。
Uh, I was young, 13.
呃，我还年轻，13岁。
And I don't think I knew much about actual human nature, friendliness, strangers.
我认为我对真正的人性、友善、陌生人了解不多。
It's funny to think that I was not cautious about the very thing kids are always warned of-- strangers.
有趣的是，我对孩子们总是被警告的事情——陌生人——并不谨慎。
I walked to my bus stop alone every morning.
每天早上我独自步行到公交车站。
[TEARFUL] It was always early.
[泪流满面]总是很早。
[WEEPING]
[哭泣]
You're doing great, Jaime.
你做得很好，海梅。
Just stay with it.
就这样吧。
[SOBS] There weren't many people, because it was Los Angeles and no one walks.
[抽泣] 人不多，因为那是洛杉矶，没有人走路。
I used to pass an alley and wave at a man.
我曾经路过一条小巷，向一个男人挥手。
He was young, maybe late teens, early 20s.
他很年轻，也许十几岁，二十岁出头。
Every morning, I'd wave at him.
每天早上我都会向他挥手。
He would walk up the alley.
他会沿着小巷走。
I would cross the alley.
我会穿过小巷。
Or some mornings, I would walk down the alley against my mom's instructions.
或者有些早晨，我会不顾妈妈的指示沿着小巷走下去。
But we'd pass, and I'd always wave or smile, which is how I greeted everyone in the neighborhood.
但我们经过时，我总是会挥手或微笑，这就是我向附近的每个人打招呼的方式。
It didn't seem like he should be any different.
看起来他不应该有什么不同。
And in some ways, in retrospect, I feel like I overcompensated and was extra friendly and maybe invited him in, that my wave somehow signaled to him that this was something I wanted, that my friendliness was misinterpreted as desire.
在某些方面，回想起来，我觉得我补偿过度了，显得格外友好，也许还邀请了他进来，我的挥手以某种方式向他发出信号，表明这是我想要的，我的友好被误解为欲望。
That I should have avoided him, [SOBBING] rather than interact.
我应该避开他，[抽泣]而不是互动。
I break down, but I keep reading.
我崩溃了，但我继续读下去。
Even though I'd followed Dr. Kaysen's instructions not to write down specific details of the event just yet, they were all coming back to me anyway.
尽管我按照凯森博士的指示暂时不要写下该事件的具体细节，但无论如何它们都会回到我的脑海中。
You did an incredible job with that.
你在这方面做得非常出色。
You did an incredible job.
你做得非常出色。
Are you sure?
你确定吗？
Jaime Lowe Yeah, I'm really into the snot.
Jaime Lowe 是的，我真的很喜欢流鼻涕。
I was going to say, I find sleeves work fine for me.
我想说，我发现袖子很适合我。
OK.
好的。
Is it OK with you if I take a look at it?
我看一下你觉得可以吗？
Of course.
当然。
Debra Kaysen All right.
黛布拉·凯森 好吧。
So one of the things was a piece around your mom's instructions.
其中一件事是围绕你妈妈的指示进行的。
Is that-- and I noticed that those emotions got a little more intense when you got to that.
是吗——我注意到，当你谈到这个时，这些情绪会变得更加强烈。
That was something that I didn't actually remember until I was writing it this morning.
直到今天早上我写这篇文章时，我才真正记住了这一点。
We were never really supposed to walk down the alley, even though it was closer to get to the bus stop.
我们从来不应该沿着小巷走，尽管它离公交车站更近。
I tell Dr. Kaysen more about my mom's rule and how I broke it.
我告诉凯森博士更多关于我妈妈的规则以及我如何打破它的事情。
She wonders if this might be a stuck point.
她想知道这是否是一个难题。
Stuck points are the first skill introduced in CPT, and they might be the most important skill of all.
卡点是 CPT 中引入的第一个技能，它们可能是所有技能中最重要的。
In a sense, the entire project of CPT is finding stuck points, and then learning how to unstick them.
从某种意义上来说，CPT的整个项目就是寻找卡点，然后学习如何解开卡点。
A stuck point is basically something you hold to be true, but might in fact not be true.
僵局基本上是指你认为正确但实际上可能不正确的事情。
A stuck point is a belief or a thought that's keeping you stuck in the PTSD, stuck in thinking that it's your fault, or that there's something you could have done to avoid it, or stuck in any number of upsetting or inaccurate or harmful ways of remembering what happened.
困境是一种信念或想法，让你陷入创伤后应激障碍（PTSD），陷入认为这是你的错，或者你本可以做一些事情来避免它，或者陷入任何令人不安的、不准确的或有害的方式来记住发生过的事情。
They're so central to this process that Dr. Kaysen hands me a worksheet titled, Stuck Point Log.
它们对于这个过程如此重要，以至于凯森博士递给我一份名为“卡点日志”的工作表。
OK.
好的。
This is going to be a living document that you and I are going to share.
这将是您和我将分享的一份动态文件。
We'll keep track of all my stuck points here, adding to the list as we identify new ones each session, and crossing them off as I work through them.
我们将在这里跟踪我所有的卡点，在每次会议中发现新的卡点时将其添加到列表中，并在我解决它们时将其划掉。
So I may be hearing a little bit of a stuck point, maybe, around like, I should've listened to my mom, or if I hadn't gone that way, it wouldn't have happened.
所以我可能听到了一些棘手的问题，也许，我应该听妈妈的话，或者如果我没有走那条路，事情就不会发生。
I think it's more like if I hadn't waved, it wouldn't have happened.
我想，如果我没有挥手，这件事就不会发生。
Perfect.
完美的。
Jaime Lowe That actually feels more like--
Jaime Lowe 实际上感觉更像是——
So write that down.
所以写下来。
We're going to start keeping track of these as we find them.
当我们发现它们时，我们将开始跟踪它们。
OK.
好的。
Debra Kaysen So if I hadn't waved, it wouldn't have happened.
Debra Kaysen 所以如果我没有挥手，这件事就不会发生。
OK.
好的。
All right.
好的。
Dr. Kaysen asked me what feelings are coming up.
凯森博士问我有什么感受。
I mean, I hear the word shame associated a lot with things like this.
我的意思是，我听到“羞耻”这个词与这样的事情有很多联系。
And I feel like that would apply, but it doesn't feel like the right word.
我觉得这应该适用，但感觉不是正确的词。
Like, it feels more just like I want to just shelter myself, and I want to just cocoon.
就像，感觉更像是我想庇护自己，我想茧居起来。
OK.
好的。
Jaime Lowe I think that I also just don't like that word.
Jaime Lowe 我想我也不喜欢这个词。
Like, I think that there's something shameful about shame.
就像，我认为羞耻是可耻的。
It's like-- I don't know.
就像——我不知道。
So I think that's going to be an important one for us to sort out, actually, because feelings aren't good or bad.
所以我认为这对我们来说实际上是一个重要的问题，因为感觉没有好坏之分。
I bristle at the word "shame." I always have.
我对“羞耻”这个词感到愤怒。我一直都有。
There's no room for shame.
没有羞耻的余地。
It sounds weak to me.
对我来说这听起来很弱。
Like, if you have shame, you have something to feel shameful about.
就像，如果你有羞耻感，你就有一些值得感到羞耻的事情。
With shame comes softness, and vulnerability, and fragility.
羞耻感伴随着柔软、脆弱和脆弱。
So you will see these lovely worksheets.
所以你会看到这些可爱的工作表。
These are called ABC sheets.
这些被称为 ABC 表。
OK?
好的？
It's the end of the session, and ABC is the new skill.
课程结束了，ABC 是新技能。
I'm supposed to fill in the A column with the activating event-- in my case, the sexual assault-- B with my belief or stuck point about the event, C with the consequence of that belief or stuck point.
我应该在 A 栏中填写激活事件（在我的例子中是性侵犯），在 B 栏中填写我对该事件的信念或困境，在 C 中填写该信念或困境的后果。
It's kind of clunky, but the idea seems to be to get you to see that your stuck points are not rational and that hanging on to these irrational stuck points has real emotional consequences, that continuing to tell yourself this stuff as fact makes you feel bad.
这有点笨拙，但这个想法似乎是让你看到你的困境是不理性的，坚持这些非理性的困境会带来真正的情感后果，继续告诉自己这些事情是事实会让你感觉很糟糕。
Last thoughts, questions?
最后的想法，问题？
How did this work for you today?
今天这对你来说效果如何？
Um, good.
嗯，很好。
It was intense.
很激烈。
I mean, I was like-- it was definitely-- I feel weirdly better, because I feel like we've started.
我的意思是，我当时感觉——确实如此——我感觉好多了，因为我觉得我们已经开始了。
We've started.
我们已经开始了。
All right, I'm going to make a copy of the impact statement.
好吧，我要复印一份影响陈述。
So I've got that, all right?
所以我已经明白了，好吗？
I think session two's done.
我想第二节课已经结束了。
Debra Kaysen I think we're done.
黛布拉·凯森 我想我们已经完成了。
Session three-- so this is hard for me to answer.
第三节——所以这对我来说很难回答。
Is the unwanted memory ...
难道是不需要的记忆……
I'm sitting with Dr. Kaysen going over the checklist of my PTSD symptoms.
我正在和凯森医生一起检查我的创伤后应激障碍症状清单。
Did I have memories about the assault?
我有关于袭击的记忆吗？
Was I dreaming about it?
我是在做梦吗？
Reliving it?
重温它？
We finish the checklist and take out the worksheets.
我们完成清单并拿出工作表。
I'd done seven the night before.
前一天晚上我已经完成了七次。
Because I'm doing a crash course in CPT, each session each day covers a week's worth of treatment.
因为我正在参加 CPT 速成课程，所以每天的每次课程都涵盖一周的治疗量。
It feels like I'm cramming, but Dr. Kaysen tells me she has patients who are still doing worksheets in the waiting room before sessions.
感觉就像我在临时抱佛脚，但凯森医生告诉我，她的病人在治疗前仍在候诊室里做工作表。
That makes me feel a little better.
这让我感觉好一点了。
We pick up with the stuck point we started on yesterday.
我们继续昨天开始的困境。
If I hadn't said hi, he wouldn't have assaulted me.
如果我没有打招呼，他就不会攻击我。
Had you interacted with this guy beforehand?
你之前和这个人有过交流吗？
It had been several weeks, probably, of saying hi.
打个招呼可能已经过去好几个星期了。
OK.
好的。
And did anything happen on those other days where you said hi?
在你打招呼的那些日子里，发生了什么事情吗？
No. Dr. Kaysen has clearly heard similar stuck points.
不，凯森博士显然听到过类似的困境。
She pokes holes in my logic until it's obvious that there's another way to see it.
她在我的逻辑中找出漏洞，直到很明显有另一种方式来看待它。
Could he have assaulted you if you had never said hi?
如果你从来没有打招呼，他会袭击你吗？
Yes.
是的。
The likelihood that that was the cause is very small to none.
这是原因的可能性非常小甚至没有。
You were a little girl.
你曾是个小女孩。
Jaime Lowe Right.
海梅·洛 对。
Right?
正确的？
You were a little girl going to school.
你是一个正在上学的小女孩。
Right.
正确的。
But still, I wouldn't have said I was a little girl.
但我仍然不会说我是个小女孩。
Like, I felt like I was someone who was able to operate in the world and have conversations and interactions with adults, and have responsibility.
就像，我觉得我是一个能够在世界上运作、与成年人进行对话和互动、并且有责任感的人。
I associate the words "little girl" with a kind of unformed, helpless pink thing covered in ruffles.
我把“小女孩”这个词与一种不成形、无助、覆盖着褶边的粉红色东西联系起来。
I didn't relate.
我没有联系。
At 13, I was babysitting.
13岁那年，我在当保姆。
I had crushes and fantasies.
我曾经有过迷恋和幻想。
I happily went to the movies or thrifting by myself.
我很高兴去看电影或者自己节俭。
We move on to another one of the stuck points, which was covering something I hadn't thought about for a long time-- what I was wearing on the day of the assault.
我们继续讨论另一个棘手的问题，其中涉及到一些我很久没有想过的事情——袭击当天我穿的衣服。
I wore floral boxers from The Gap and a matching solid colored T-shirt.
我穿着 The Gap 的花卉平角内裤和配套的纯色 T 恤。
While doing the worksheets this morning, I realized that some part of me still thought the assault was my fault for wearing men's boxers as shorts.
今天早上做作业时，我意识到我内心的某些部分仍然认为这次袭击是我穿男士平角内裤作为短裤的错。
And I tell Dr. Kaysen about this.
我把这件事告诉了凯森博士。
I mean, I liked thinking about what I was wearing and trying to wear cute things.
我的意思是，我喜欢思考自己穿什么并尝试穿可爱的东西。
She assumes that there was some kind of sexiness attached to the outfit for me, but that wasn't it.
她认为我的服装带有某种性感，但事实并非如此。
OK.
好的。
OK.
好的。
Jaime Lowe Like, I have never really worn makeup or been good at that kind of thing.
Jaime Lowe 就像，我从来没有真正化妆过，也不擅长做这类事情。
It's just like not my-- like, I don't--
这就像不是我的——就像，我不——
OK.
好的。
Jaime Lowe The outfit wasn't sexy.
Jaime Lowe 这套衣服并不性感。
These were baggy clothes that masked my body.
这些宽松的衣服遮住了我的身体。
But even as the assault was happening, I remember standing there and thinking it was somehow because of the boxers.
但即使袭击发生，我记得站在那里，认为这在某种程度上是因为拳击手造成的。
I remember being very, like, associating the exact outfit exactly with what was happening.
我记得我当时非常喜欢将确切的服装与正在发生的事情联系起来。
I remember that it was because it was an elastic waistband.
我记得那是因为它是松紧腰带。
That seemed like it was, like, there was more access to me, or that like there was something about the article of clothing and the choice of it that felt--
看起来好像有更多的机会接触到我，或者说这件衣服和它的选择让人感觉——
Like that maybe in some way caused it, even if it wasn't the sexy factor.
就像这可能以某种方式造成的，即使这不是性感的因素。
Right.
正确的。
Debra Kaysen OK.
黛布拉·凯森 好的。
So it might not be the sexy factor, but it might be an access factor.
所以它可能不是性感因素，但它可能是一个访问因素。
Or like inappropriate.
或者喜欢不合适。
Like maybe inappropriate clothing.
就像可能不合适的衣服一样。
Interesting.
有趣的。
OK.
好的。
All right.
好的。
Jaime Lowe I remember picking out the outfit at The Gap.
Jaime Lowe 我记得我是在 The Gap 挑选这套衣服的。
And I remember putting it in the giveaway pile months later and being asked why I was giving it away since it looked brand new.
我记得几个月后把它放在赠品堆里，有人问我为什么要把它送给别人，因为它看起来是全新的。
By the end of the worksheet, my thinking shifts.
到工作表结束时，我的想法发生了转变。
I articulate my new thought about the boxers-- a more balanced thought, Dr. Kaysen calls it.
我阐述了我对拳击手的新想法——凯森博士称之为更平衡的想法。
You know, you came up with this really lovely balanced thought, which is it doesn't matter what you wear.
你知道，你想出了这个非常可爱的平衡想法，那就是穿什么并不重要。
How much do you believe that?
你对此有多相信？
I believe that.
我相信这一点。
I think it can happen to anyone.
我认为这可能发生在任何人身上。
I mean, I think it's not-- it has nothing to do with what you're wearing.
我的意思是，我认为这与你穿的衣服无关。
Yeah.
是的。
Jaime Lowe I'm starting to understand Dr. Kaysen's technique with these stuck points.
Jaime Lowe 我开始理解凯森博士处理这些卡点的技术。
She asks questions so I can arrive at answers myself.
她提出问题，这样我就可以自己找到答案。
My previous belief shifts because I've concluded that it's inaccurate.
我之前的信念发生了变化，因为我得出的结论是它是不准确的。
She's my guide, but I have to come to the conclusion myself.
她是我的向导，但我必须自己得出结论。
So when you have that thought-- it doesn't matter what I wear-- what happens to that feeling of shame?
所以当你有这样的想法时——我穿什么并不重要——那种羞耻感会发生什么？
I think it shifts to helplessness in some ways.
我认为它在某些方面转变为无助。
Mm, interesting.
嗯，有趣。
So if it's what I wear, if I change what I wear, I can be safe.
因此，如果这是我穿的，如果我改变我穿的，我就能安全。
Right.
正确的。
Debra Kaysen And if it doesn't matter, then there's nothing I can do.
Debra Kaysen 如果没关系，那我就无能为力了。
If someone wants to sexually assault you, I think that there's very little you can do.
如果有人想对你进行性侵犯，我认为你无能为力。
At the end of the session, Dr. Kaysen introduces a skill.
在课程结束时，Kaysen 博士介绍了一项技能。
All right.
好的。
So I'm going to teach you something new.
所以我要教你一些新东西。
OK.
好的。
Finding evidence for whether your stuck point is true.
寻找证据来证明你的困境是否正确。
She hands me something called the Challenging Questions Worksheet.
她递给我一份叫做“挑战性问题工作表”的东西。
The questions are like the ones she asked me during the session, like am I looking at this in an exaggerated way?
这些问题就像她在会议期间问我的问题一样，比如我是否以夸张的方式看待这个问题？
Am I looking at the whole picture?
我在看全局吗？
Am I basing things on facts or feelings?
我的判断是基于事实还是感觉？
My homework tonight is to do seven more worksheets.
我今晚的作业是再做七张作业纸。
All right, I'm going to go make you a bunch of copies of that.
好吧，我去给你复印一堆。
You know, I don't know how people live in Seattle.
你知道，我不知道西雅图的人们如何生活。
[LAUGHS] Jaime Lowe It's very gray and rainy.
[笑] Jaime Lowe 天气灰蒙蒙的，多雨。
Yes.
是的。
Jaime Lowe Like all morning, I really wanted to take a walk.
Jaime Lowe 就像整个早上一样，我真的很想出去散步。
I'm not used to the gray, damp fog of Seattle.
我不习惯西雅图灰蒙蒙、潮湿的雾气。
I understand the moodiness of "Twin Peaks" better and why cardigans were so essential for Kurt Cobain.
我更好地理解《双峰》的喜怒无常，以及为什么羊毛衫对科特·柯本来说如此重要。
It doesn't help that the majority of my time is spent alone, holed up making spaghetti and doing homework, piles and piles of homework.
我的大部分时间都是一个人度过的，躲在家里做意大利面条和做作业，这并没有帮助，成堆的作业。
How was the practice?
练习得怎么样？
Jaime Lowe It was harder than the other practice.
Jaime Lowe 这比其他练习更难。
I think it's also I'm just so used to knowing what therapy is.
我想这也是我太习惯知道什么是治疗了。
Is it really different?
真的不一样吗？
Jaime Lowe It's like, it's super different.
Jaime Lowe 感觉非常不同。
It is super different.
这是非常不同的。
Jaime Lowe And so I guess I feel like a straight A student in English who's taking a chemistry class.
Jaime Lowe 所以我想我感觉自己就像一个正在上化学课的英语成绩优秀的学生。
Like, I'm in someone else's clothes.
就像我穿着别人的衣服一样。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Debra Kaysen And they aren't quite fitting.
Debra Kaysen 他们不太合适。
Yeah.
是的。
I take out the worksheets, and we loop back to my stuck point about the boxers.
我拿出工作表，然后我们回到我关于拳击手的困境。
I wondered if it would have been harder for him to assault me if I was wearing jeans.
我想知道如果我穿着牛仔裤，他是否会更难攻击我。
And from what you know about perpetration, more difficult, does that mean not possible?
根据您对犯罪的了解，更困难，这是否意味着不可能？
No, it's still possible.
不，还是有可能的。
Debra Kaysen Yeah.
黛布拉·凯森 是的。
And he had a knife, right?
而且他有一把刀，对吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Debra Kaysen Yeah.
黛布拉·凯森 是的。
OK.
好的。
And we're going to be working on a skill tomorrow.
明天我们将学习一项技能。
It looks like you're having some strong feelings as we're working on this one.
看来您在我们处理这一问题时有一些强烈的感受。
What's coming up for you right now?
你现在有什么事吗？
[SNIFFS] [SOBS] Debra Kaysen Stay with it.
[嗅嗅] [抽泣] Debra Kaysen 坚持下去。
I think just thinking about the knife always makes me really emotional.
我想一想到这把刀总是让我非常激动。
Yeah.
是的。
So I want you to not try and shut the emotions down, OK?
所以我希望你不要试图压抑情绪，好吗？
Walk me through how it unfolded.
请跟我讲一下事情是如何展开的。
Yeah.
是的。
Jaime Lowe I walked past the alley.
海梅·洛 我走过那条小巷。
I'm not used to speaking out loud about what happened, but I knew that at some point it would come up.
我不习惯大声谈论所发生的事情，但我知道在某些时候它会出现。
It would all come up-- the details, how I felt, what exactly happened in that moment, and what exactly changed.
一切都会浮现出来——细节、我的感受、那一刻到底发生了什么，以及到底发生了什么变化。
We're nearing the end of our first week together, and I feel like Dr. Kaysen, on purpose or not, has waited until we both felt comfortable.
我们在一起的第一周即将结束，我觉得凯森博士无论有意还是无意，一直等到我们都感到舒服为止。
There was trust, the skills of CPT had been discussed, and then this, this story-- the main reason I was here in this room, in this city.
我们之间存在信任，讨论了 CPT 的技能，然后就是这个、这个故事——这是我来到这个房间、来到这个城市的主要原因。
It was time for it to come out.
是时候它出来了。
And he was kind of in this, like, kind of cove, I guess, behind a bush.
我猜他就在灌木丛后面的这个海湾里。
We lived in a very middle class area in West Los Angeles.
我们住在洛杉矶西部一个非常中产阶级的地区。
Our apartment was near two big streets, Santa Monica Boulevard and Beverly Glen.
我们的公寓靠近两条大街：圣莫尼卡大道和贝弗利格伦。
There were office buildings nearby and a big mall with a massive food court.
附近有办公楼和一个带大型美食广场的大型购物中心。
My mom's greatest fear in life was that our landlord would sell the duplex, forcing us to leave.
我妈妈一生中最担心的是房东会卖掉复式公寓，迫使我们离开。
It was a place where I knew most of our neighbors.
这是我认识大多数邻居的地方。
There were always people hanging out in front of their houses.
总是有人在自家门前闲逛。
Our across-the-street-neighbors were mechanics with a pitbull named Bumper.
我们的街对面邻居是机械师，养着一只名叫邦珀的斗牛犬。
It was a tree-lined, sun-kissed, America dream neighborhood.
这是一个绿树成荫、阳光明媚的美国梦社区。
That morning, I walked past an alley between an office building and an apartment building, and the guy was there.
那天早上，我走过一座办公楼和公寓楼之间的一条小巷，那个家伙就在那里。
And he, like-- like, I smiled or waved, and then he beckoned me over.
他，就像——就像，我微笑着或挥手，然后他招呼我过去。
I didn't know why.
我不知道为什么。
And then I walked over.
然后我走了过去。
And he held a knife to my side, and then he put his hands down my boxers and felt my vagina.
他把一把刀放在我身边，然后把手放在我的内裤上，摸着我的阴道。
And then I think I said something about, like, protesting.
然后我想我说了一些关于抗议的事情。
And he said that my father owed him money.
他还说我父亲欠他钱。
And I was like, there's no way that's true.
我当时想，这不可能是真的。
And then he kept saying, let me just kiss it, and put his mouth on my vagina.
然后他一直说，让我亲一下，然后把他的嘴放在我的阴道上。
And then I scream, but it wasn't a scream.
然后我尖叫起来，但那不是尖叫。
It was just kind of a vocal articulation.
这只是一种声音发音。
It wasn't particularly loud.
声音不是特别大。
And then he ran up the alley the other way.
然后他就朝巷子的另一边跑去。
I wish the word vagina didn't feel so clinical.
我希望阴道这个词不那么临床化。
It was more than that.
不仅如此。
It was like he found a way into my personal sexuality, like a portal into parts of me I hadn't explored or known, because I was so young.
就好像他找到了一种进入我个人性取向的方式，就像一扇通往我未曾探索或了解的部分的门户，因为我太年轻了。
Eighth grade-- before it happened, I would daydream about having a first kiss.
八年级——在这一切发生之前，我会梦想着有一个初吻。
And then after it happened, I thought I'd never be able to.
事情发生后，我想我永远做不到了。
Like, I'd never be able to experience romantic interactions or understand them.
就像，我永远无法体验浪漫的互动或理解它们。
Sex, sexual bodies, that shit is hard enough for a 13-year-old.
性、性感的身体，这些对于一个 13 岁的孩子来说已经够难的了。
And so in that moment where he had a knife up to you, what did you think was going to happen?
所以当他拿刀指着你的那一刻，你认为会发生什么？
Do you remember?
你是否记得？
I mean, I think part of the reason that I haven't dealt with a lot of it is like the outcome wasn't-- and I know I've heard this before from other people who have been assaulted, is that the outcome wasn't, like, that bad.
我的意思是，我认为我没有处理很多事情的部分原因是结果并不是——而且我知道我以前从其他被袭击的人那里听到过这样的说法，就是结果并没有那么糟糕。
I wasn't raped.
我没有被强奸。
I wasn't, like, even cut.
我什至没有被削减。
Like, nothing was physically wrong.
就像，身体上没有任何问题。
Nothing was particularly, like, damaged, I guess, except for psychologically, everything was.
我想，除了心理上，一切都没有受到特别的损害。
Right.
正确的。
Jaime Lowe And so it's, in some ways, I think even harder because I felt like it wasn't so bad.
Jaime Lowe：所以，在某些方面，我认为这更加困难，因为我觉得情况并没有那么糟糕。
Or I was supposed to think it wasn't so bad.
或者我应该认为这并没有那么糟糕。
So I'm hearing a stuck point around, I shouldn't be distressed, or this wasn't-- there's almost a little bit of a minimizing kind of stuck point.
所以我听到周围有一个卡点，我不应该感到苦恼，或者这不是——几乎有一点最小化的卡点。
Yeah.
是的。
Debra Kaysen But how would you put it-- what would the belief be around that?
黛布拉·凯森 (Debra Kaysen) 但你会怎么说——围绕这一点的信念是什么？
The, because I wasn't raped, or because I wasn't cut, I shouldn't have these reactions?
因为我没有被强奸，或者因为我没有被割伤，所以我不应该有这些反应？
I'm not sure exactly what the stuck point is.
我不确定卡点到底是什么。
Because it wasn't worse, I should be functioning better.
因为情况并不更糟，所以我应该表现得更好。
I add this to the stuck point log.
我将其添加到卡点日志中。
My experience, by the way, was an outlier in that I was assaulted by a stranger.
顺便说一句，我的经历是异常的，因为我被陌生人袭击了。
Sexual assault is usually perpetrated by an acquaintance or family member.
性侵犯通常是由熟人或家庭成员实施的。
Only 7% of juvenile victims who report sexual assault are assaulted by strangers.
在报告性侵犯的青少年受害者中，只有 7% 遭到陌生人的袭击。
At the end of the session, Dr. Kaysen introduces the new skill-- patterns of problematic thinking, which include things like mind reading, and emotional reasoning, and exaggerating, or minimizing.
在课程结束时，凯森博士介绍了新技能——有问题的思维模式，其中包括读心术、情感推理、夸大或最小化等。
I'm put off by the language.
我对语言感到厌烦。
It's oddly formal.
这是奇怪的正式。
I came in thinking CPT was supposed to be accessible, but it's hard to get a handle on.
我一开始以为 CPT 应该是可以使用的，但它很难掌握。
They use real English words, but not in the dictionary definition way.
他们使用真正的英语单词，但不是以字典定义的方式。
The phrases have a separate CPT meaning.
这些短语具有单独的 CPT 含义。
Do these make sense for the most part for you?
这些对您来说大部分有意义吗？
Kind of.
有点儿。
Debra Kaysen OK.
黛布拉·凯森 好的。
Where do you have questions?
你哪里有问题？
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Jaime Lowe Dr. Kaysen explains that this is part of a process we are in the process of learning, that it will make sense.
Jaime Lowe Kaysen 博士解释说，这是我们正在学习的过程的一部分，它会有意义。
But I don't see how it's adding up yet.
但我还不知道它是如何加起来的。
It's just painful and hard.
这只是痛苦和艰难。
All right, but I'm going to make you another copy of the actual patterns form.
好吧，但我要给你再一份实际图案的副本。
OK, cool.
好吧，酷。
It's Session five.
现在是第五节。
I've made it to Friday of my first week.
我已经到了第一周的星期五。
It feels like a small victory.
感觉就像是一个小小的胜利。
I'm thinking of the assault constantly.
我不断地想起那次袭击。
I'm staying in the gentrified industrial neighborhood of Ballard.
我住在巴拉德的高档工业区。
It's quiet.
很安静。
There are lots of car repair and tire shops, and warehouses, and expensive microbreweries.
这里有很多汽车修理店、轮胎店、仓库和昂贵的小型啤酒厂。
Crossing the street, I'm reminded of the alley.
过了马路，我就想起了那条小巷。
Locking the doors at night to the Airbnb, I worry about security.
晚上锁上 Airbnb 的门，我担心安全。
I don't know anyone around me, and I feel alone.
我周围一个人都不认识，我感到孤独。
I don't want to take risks.
我不想冒险。
I don't want to explore Seattle.
我不想探索西雅图。
I won't go for a run.
我不会去跑步。
Taking too many risks or doing things that could cause you harm.
承担太多风险或做可能对您造成伤害的事情。
Zero.
零。
Debra Kaysen OK.
黛布拉·凯森 好的。
Being super alert or watchful or on guard.
保持高度警惕或警惕或警惕。
Today, after the PTSD checklist, Dr. Kaysen reveals the worksheet that all the worksheets were leading up to this whole time.
今天，在 PTSD 检查表之后，凯森博士展示了整个过程中所有工作表的工作表。
It has many boxes, and tables, and questions, 26 in all.
它有很多盒子、表格和问题，总共 26 个。
It's the mother of all worksheets.
它是所有工作表之母。
It includes all the things I've learned on the worksheets til now.
它包括到目前为止我在工作表上学到的所有内容。
It's intimidating and complicated, but Dr. Kaysen reminds me that I know how to do each step.
这令人生畏且复杂，但凯森博士提醒我，我知道如何完成每一步。
She says now that I have all the skills I need to do CPT, the therapy will shift.
她说现在我已经具备了进行 CPT 所需的所有技能，治疗方法将会发生变化。
But what we're going to be doing from this session on out is we're going to start working with different themes.
但从本次会议开始，我们将开始研究不同的主题。
The first one we're going to focus in on is around safety.
我们要关注的第一个问题是安全。
OK.
好的。
Debra Kaysen OK?
黛布拉·凯森好吗？
So how this event may have affected your ideas about safety.
那么这一事件可能如何影响您对安全的看法。
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
We practice a couple stuck points on the big mama worksheet.
我们在大妈妈工作表上练习了几个卡点。
One of them is about how I'm feeling uncomfortable in Seattle.
其中之一是关于我在西雅图感到不舒服的。
I mention that the Dodgers are playing in the World Series, and I'm hesitant to walk the few blocks to the bar at the end of my street.
我提到道奇队正在参加世界职业棒球大赛，我犹豫着要不要步行几个街区到街尽头的酒吧。
But I really want to watch the game.
但我真的很想看比赛。
Dr. Kaysen says that I should consider trying to go to the bar to watch the game, that it's actually not risky behavior.
凯森博士说我应该考虑尝试去酒吧看比赛，这其实并不是冒险行为。
She's not a big baseball fan, so I almost feel like the assignment is for both of us.
她不是一个超级棒球迷，所以我几乎觉得这个任务是给我们俩的。
You know, I'm going to ask you on Monday whether you saw the game.
你知道，周一我会问你是否观看了这场比赛。
Went to it.
去了。
[LAUGHS] Debra Kaysen Yes.
[笑]黛布拉·凯森 是的。
Yes.
是的。
OK.
好的。
All right.
好的。
So in terms of--
所以就——
And I'll ask you if you know what the score was.
我会问你是否知道比分是多少。
Oh.
哦。
Oh.
哦。
[LAUGHS] Hmm.
[笑] 嗯。
Jaime Lowe There are several games, actually.
Jaime Lowe 实际上有好几款游戏。
But I will have to actually-- I hate to tell you this, but I'm really treatment resistant.
但实际上我必须——我不想告诉你这一点，但我真的对治疗有抵抗力。
[LAUGHS] This sounds like a stuck point.
[笑]这听起来像是一个棘手的问题。
It could be a stuck point.
这可能是一个卡点。
Jaime Lowe We could get through the baseball stuck point.
Jaime Lowe 我们可以克服棒球的困境。
[LAUGHS] Jaime Lowe We can work together on this.
[笑] Jaime Lowe 我们可以在这方面共同努力。
Absolutely.
绝对地。
We'll set it as a long-term treatment goal.
我们会把它作为一个长期的治疗目标。
Yeah.
是的。
Debra Kaysen All right.
黛布拉·凯森 好吧。
So in terms of resolutions--
所以就决议而言——
As hard as this week has been, it helps that I trust Dr. Kaysen.
尽管这周很艰难，但我相信凯森博士，这对我很有帮助。
She's a good guide.
她是一个很好的向导。
Jaime Lowe.
海梅·洛。
Coming up, if you learn something important about yourself from a worksheet, is it OK to feel resentful that you learned it from a worksheet?
接下来，如果您从工作表中了解了一些关于自己的重要信息，那么您可以对自己从工作表中学到的东西感到不满吗？
That's in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio, when our program continues.
稍后，芝加哥公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
Act Two: Week Two Ira Glass It's This American Life.
第二幕：第二周 艾拉·格拉斯 这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today's program, Ten Sessions.
今天的节目，十场。
What can you do with trauma from long ago that's never healed?
对于很久以前从未痊愈的创伤，你能做什么？
If you're just tuning in, writer Jaime Lowe heard about a kind of therapy called CPT, Cognitive Processing Therapy, that helps people deal with unhealed trauma from sexual assault or combat PTSD, incredibly, in just 10 or 12 sessions.
如果您刚刚收听，作家 Jaime Lowe 听说过一种名为 CPT（认知处理疗法）的疗法，它可以帮助人们应对性侵犯造成的未治愈创伤或对抗 PTSD，令人难以置信的是，只需 10 到 12 个疗程即可。
And she decided to try it herself.
她决定自己尝试一下。
We pick up halfway through the therapy.
我们在治疗中途恢复。
Session six.
第六节。
Debra Kaysen All right, so in general, since I last saw you on Friday, how has your mood been?
黛布拉·凯森 好吧，总的来说，自从我周五上次见到你以来，你的心情怎么样？
It's Monday, and I've self-cared my way through the weekend, which is another way to say that I went to a handful of vintage clothing stores.
今天是星期一，我已经靠自己的方式度过了周末，这也是说我去了几家复古服装店的另一种说法。
I bought a poncho the colors of Mardi Gras.
我买了一件狂欢节颜色的斗篷。
I did not buy the T-shirt that said "Rain, and Coffee, and Salmon, and Weed." The Dodgers lost the series, but I went to the bar to watch the game, and it was fine.
我没有买那件写着“雨、咖啡、鲑鱼和杂草”的 T 恤。道奇队输掉了系列赛，但我去酒吧观看了比赛，这很好。
It was actually nice.
其实很好。
All right.
好的。
So do you want to check levels?
那么你想检查等级吗？
And then we will delve in.
然后我们将深入研究。
We check the audio levels.
我们检查音频电平。
I still have no idea if I'm doing it right.
我仍然不知道我做得是否正确。
I tell myself, worst case scenario, I won't be able to share the most traumatic moments of my life with millions of people.
我告诉自己，最坏的情况是，我将无法与数百万人分享我一生中最痛苦的时刻。
And that seems like an OK outcome.
这似乎是一个不错的结果。
I take out the big mama worksheets I did over the weekend.
我拿出周末做的大妈妈工作表。
Each sheet took a lot longer than I expected.
每张纸花费的时间比我预期的要长得多。
Dr. Kaysen picks out a worksheet with the stuck point, I can't protect myself.
凯森博士挑选出一张有卡点的工作表，我无法保护自己。
OK, I can't protect myself.
好吧，我无法保护自己。
Oh, good.
哦，很好。
This is a great one to do, also, with you going out to the bar, too.
当你也去酒吧时，这也是一件很棒的事情。
Yeah.
是的。
Debra Kaysen Like really relevant.
黛布拉·凯森 (Debra Kaysen) 真的很相关。
Dr. Kaysen pauses.
凯森博士停了下来。
It seems like she's seeing a stuck point in the stuck point, which happens a lot-- Russian dolls of stuck points.
她似乎看到了卡点中的卡点，这种情况经常发生——俄罗斯套娃的卡点。
Let me ask you a question also.
我也问你一个问题。
There's another piece here.
这里还有另一块。
Are you different now than you were then?
现在的你和以前有什么不同吗？
I'm older.
我年纪大了。
I know more.
我知道更多。
I've learned from that experience.
我从那次经历中吸取了教训。
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Jaime Lowe This reminds me of that song Into the Woods, the musical.
Jaime Lowe 这让我想起了音乐剧《Into the Woods》中的歌曲。
Ah.
啊。
Jaime Lowe The Little Red Riding Hood song, which is basically all about sexual trauma.
Jaime Lowe 《小红帽》歌曲，基本上都是关于性创伤的。
There's a song from Stephen Sondheim's musical, Into the Woods, that I used to listen to over and over after the attack.
史蒂芬·桑德海姆的音乐剧《走进树林》中的一首歌曲，在袭击发生后我常常一遍又一遍地听。
The wolf beckons Little Red Riding Hood.
大灰狼向小红帽招手。
She strays from the path, and then she sings, "He drew me close and he swallowed me down, down a dark slimy path where life's secrets that I never want to know and when everything familiar seemed to disappear forever." I mean, those lyrics described how I felt in the aftermath of the assault to a tee, that everything familiar seemed to disappear forever.
她偏离了小路，然后她唱道：“他把我拉近了，他把我吞了下去，沿着一条黑暗、粘糊糊的小路，在那里，我永远不想知道生命的秘密，而熟悉的一切似乎都永远消失了。”我的意思是，这些歌词描述了我在发球台遭到袭击后的感受，一切熟悉的东西似乎都永远消失了。
Dr. Kaysen and I walk through the worksheet, step by step, through all the prompts and questions CPT relies on-- whether there's evidence for my stuck point, whether I'm making an all or nothing statement, whether I'm jumping to conclusions, what I'm leaving out.
Kaysen 博士和我一步步浏览工作表，浏览 CPT 所依赖的所有提示和问题——是否有证据支持我的困境，我是否在做出全有或全无的陈述，我是否仓促下结论，我遗漏了什么。
I realize that I still feel angry with myself for freezing, that I didn't scream sooner, hit him, run, or defend myself.
我意识到我仍然对自己僵住感到生气，因为我没有早点尖叫、打他、逃跑或保护自己。
Dr. Kaysen reminds me that he had a knife.
凯森医生提醒我他有一把刀。
If somebody's got a weapon, sometimes freezing is the best response in that moment.
如果有人有武器，有时冻结是那一刻最好的反应。
Or the only response.
或者说是唯一的回应。
We continue going through it.
我们继续经历它。
And eventually, I reach a more balanced thought.
最终，我得出了一个更加平衡的想法。
Good.
好的。
I did what I could to protect myself from physical harm.
我尽我所能保护自己免受身体伤害。
Absolutely.
绝对地。
That's beautiful that you came up with that.
你想出这个主意真是太好了。
The big mama worksheets ask for percentages related to how much you feel things and to how much you believe certain thoughts.
大妈妈工作表要求提供与您对事物的感受程度以及您对某些想法的相信程度相关的百分比。
At the beginning of this worksheet, I believed I can't protect myself 70%.
在本工作表开始时，我相信我无法保护自己 70%。
By the end, I'm in a different place.
到最后，我已经到了另一个地方。
And so you've managed to get that from 70% to 20%.
所以你已经成功地将这个比例从 70% 提高到了 20%。
That's some really nice movement around that.
这是一些非常好的运动。
Yeah.
是的。
I don't fully understand the percentages, but I did feel better after working through it.
我不完全理解这些百分比，但完成后我确实感觉好多了。
Nice.
好的。
And fear came down, anger came down, and frustration came down.
恐惧消失了，愤怒消失了，沮丧也消失了。
Nice.
好的。
That's lovely.
太可爱了。
And you've also got some other balanced thoughts in here, too, like, I can protect myself most of the time.
这里你也有一些其他平衡的想法，比如，我大部分时间都可以保护自己。
Yeah.
是的。
Debra Kaysen You can think about how does that feel, versus I can't protect myself at all.
黛布拉·凯森（Debra Kaysen）你可以想想那感觉如何，而我根本无法保护自己。
Right.
正确的。
Beautiful job with that.
干得漂亮。
Suddenly, I'm getting the worksheets.
突然，我收到了作业表。
They're still difficult, because thinking is difficult.
它们仍然很困难，因为思考很困难。
But that night, I find that doing them is calming and clear.
但那天晚上，我发现这样做是平静和清晰的。
The next day, in session seven, I tell Dr. Kaysen that there's something about the writing that's really key.
第二天，在第七节课中，我告诉凯森博士，写作中有一些非常关键的东西。
And so when I'm writing it down, I'm just seeing that even just subtle shifts are really different when you write it.
因此，当我写下它时，我发现即使只是细微的变化，当你写下它时也确实有所不同。
That's right.
这是正确的。
Jaime Lowe I can see the beginning point.
Jaime Lowe 我可以看到起点。
And then I see the end, and I'm just like, ah.
然后我看到结局，我就想，啊。
It's like you're forehead-slapping.
就好像你在拍额头。
You're just like, oh, yeah, that starting point was really off, like, that's not a rational way to think.
你就像，哦，是的，这个起点真的很偏离，就像，这不是一个理性的思考方式。
Right.
正确的。
But I love what I'm hearing you say is, also, you're really seeing some cognitive shifts with doing these.
但我喜欢你说的，而且，你确实看到了一些认知上的转变。
So it's hard work, but you're also seeing some payout.
所以这是一项艰苦的工作，但你也会看到一些回报。
Yeah.
是的。
I think I'm also a little resentful that it's just coming from a worksheet.
我想我也有点不满它只是来自工作表。
[LAUGHS] Jaime Lowe I'm serious.
[笑] Jaime Lowe 我是认真的。
Like, there's something like--
比如说，有这样的东西——
Why?
为什么？
Jaime Lowe Because it's like-- I can't describe it, but it's sort of like-- OK, I think I can describe it.
Jaime Lowe 因为它就像——我无法描述它，但它有点像——好吧，我想我可以描述它。
I think that in talk therapy or traditional analysis, it's so individualized, it's so cocooned, it's so specified to your relationship with one person in that space and that time.
我认为，在谈话治疗或传统分析中，它是如此个性化，它是如此茧状，它是如此特定于你与那个空间和那个时间的一个人的关系。
And it's very much like a special thing.
这很像一件特别的事情。
Whereas a worksheet, it's an equation.
而工作表则是一个方程式。
And so it's more generic, which actually makes it way better in a lot of ways.
所以它更通用，这实际上使它在很多方面都变得更好。
But also hard because it feels less special.
但也很难，因为感觉不那么特别。
Right, but also kind of like not this precious thing.
是的，但也有点像不是这种珍贵的东西。
You're special, and your problems are special.
你很特别，你的问题也很特别。
Huh, that's interesting.
呵呵，这很有趣。
Jaime Lowe I like that the goal of CPT is to have the tools to be your own therapist.
Jaime Lowe 我喜欢 CPT 的目标是拥有成为你自己的治疗师的工具。
Several CPT experts told me their role as clinicians was to put themselves out of business.
几位 CPT 专家告诉我，他们作为临床医生的角色就是让自己破产。
I'm not sure that's true of talk therapy-- for me, anyway.
我不确定谈话治疗是否如此——无论如何，对我来说。
I don't set an end goal.
我没有设定最终目标。
With CPT, I have.
有了 CPT，我就做到了。
I know exactly what I want to work on, and I'm drilling down on that one thing.
我清楚地知道我想做什么，并且我正在深入研究这一件事。
I'm dealing with the after effects of sexual assault.
我正在处理性侵犯的后遗症。
And I have a list of stuck points to show for it-- 31 different sentences written sloppily on a piece of paper, like a list of groceries.
我有一个卡点列表来显示它——31 个不同的句子草率地写在一张纸上，就像杂货清单一样。
Dr. Kaysen asks me if I've crossed any off.
凯森博士问我是否划掉了任何一项。
I crossed off a bunch that I just didn't think were stuck points in the first place.
我划掉了一堆我一开始就认为不是卡点的东西。
And then I crossed off some that I felt like we worked through.
然后我划掉了一些我觉得我们已经解决的问题。
If I hadn't said hi, he wouldn't have assaulted me-- done with that.
如果我没有打招呼，他就不会攻击我——到此为止。
I can't trust my judgment-- crossed off.
我不能相信我的判断——被划掉了。
Because it wasn't worse, I should be functioning better-- gone.
因为情况并不更糟，所以我应该表现得更好——走了。
I've been working so hard to learn the process of CPT that I didn't realize how much I'd resolved along the way.
我一直在努力学习 CPT 的过程，但我并没有意识到我一路上解决了多少问题。
I leave the session feeling a sense of accomplishment.
结束会议时我感到一种成就感。
I love making lists.
我喜欢列清单。
I love crossing things off my lists.
我喜欢把事情从清单上划掉。
This is starting to feel satisfying.
这开始让人感到满足。
You check my levels, and I'll check yours--
你检查我的水平，我也检查你的——
It's session eight, and Dr. Kaysen and I are making levels jokes.
现在是第八节，凯森博士和我正在开玩笑。
I'll check the level of her volume, and she'll check the levels of my PTSD symptoms.
我会检查她的音量水平，她也会检查我的创伤后应激障碍症状的水平。
So since yesterday, how much have you been distressed by repeated disturbing and unwanted memories of the traumatic event?
那么，从昨天开始，您对创伤事件反复出现的令人不安和不想要的记忆感到多么痛苦？
Probably one.
可能是一个。
Dr. Kaysen and I are starting to get into a nice, comfortable rhythm.
凯森博士和我开始进入一种良好、舒适的节奏。
And of course, there's only three sessions left, including this one.
当然，包括这一场在内，只剩下三场了。
It's Halloween, and she's got on themed earrings and spider web tights.
今天是万圣节，她戴上了主题耳环和蜘蛛网紧身衣。
In another setting, I might find this kind of ridiculous, but I know her enough to know it's genuine and wonderful.
在另一个环境中，我可能会觉得这种行为很荒谬，但我足够了解她，知道这是真实而美妙的。
And I feel sad I'm not dressed up, too.
我也为自己没有盛装打扮而感到难过。
We go through my big mama worksheets.
我们浏览一下我的大妈妈工作表。
Just as Dr. Kaysen said we would, we've been using the big worksheets to explore big themes.
正如凯森博士所说，我们一直在使用大工作表来探索大主题。
We've gone through safety and esteem.
我们经历了安全和尊重。
Today is control.
今天是控制。
And one of my stuck points is, when I'm not in control, bad things will happen, which I believe 80%.
我的困境之一是，当我无法控制时，糟糕的事情就会发生，我相信 80% 的人都会这样。
So what evidence do you have that, if you are not in control, bad things will happen?
那么，你有什么证据表明，如果你不加以控制，就会发生不好的事情呢？
Bad things have happened when I haven't been in control.
当我无法控制时，糟糕的事情就发生了。
OK.
好的。
So you could say things in the past.
所以你可以说过去的事情。
OK.
好的。
Debra Kaysen OK?
黛布拉·凯森好吗？
So I'm assuming like the sexual assault, events that happen when you are manic.
所以我假设性侵犯是在你躁狂时发生的事件。
OK.
好的。
OK.
好的。
When Dr. Kaysen asks about mania, I pause, just sit there for a while.
当凯森医生问及躁狂症时，我停顿了一下，只是坐在那里一会儿。
Then I nod without saying anything.
然后我点点头，什么也没说。
Control is a big thing for me.
控制对我来说是一件大事。
It's a big thing in mania.
这是狂热中的一件大事。
You're not in control, but you think you are.
你无法控制，但你认为你可以。
Dr. Kaysen and I keep going through this sheet.
凯森博士和我不断地查看这张表。
My statement, when I'm not in control, bad things will happen-- is there evidence it might not be true?
我的说法是，当我无法控制时，糟糕的事情就会发生——有证据表明这可能不是真的吗？
I'm in control.
我一切尽在掌控。
Debra Kaysen When you are in control-- yeah, absolutely.
Debra Kaysen 当你掌控一切时——是的，绝对如此。
And have you ever been out of control and not had something bad happen?
你是否曾经失控而没有发生过不好的事情？
Yeah.
是的。
We go over my answers to each of the little boxes on the worksheet.
我们会仔细检查我对工作表上每个小方框的回答。
By the end, I have a new thought.
到最后，我有了新的想法。
Giving up control does not always mean bad things will happen.
放弃控制并不总是意味着会发生坏事。
Dr. Kaysen asks, what feelings come up when I'm thinking about giving up control?
凯森博士问，当我考虑放弃控制权时，会出现什么感觉？
Fear is the first one.
恐惧是第一个。
And then--
然后——
There's definitely a lot of guilt and shame.
心里肯定有很多愧疚和羞耻。
Yeah, so I-- Jaime Lowe I've really come around to the shame concept.
是的，所以我——Jaime Lowe，我真的开始接受羞耻的概念了。
Yeah, you've really been-- Jaime Lowe I'm really embracing it.
是的，你真的——Jaime Lowe，我真的很喜欢它。
Yeah, you have.
是的，你有。
That's true.
这是真的。
That is true.
确实如此。
We're joking, but there's something there.
我们是在开玩笑，但确实有一些东西。
I'm realizing that, for me, shame is related to mental illness.
我意识到，对我来说，羞耻感与精神疾病有关。
After mania, it's hard not to want to be buried for a decade, until everyone forgets that you tried to start a hippie cult in a tutu covered in glitter and war paint.
狂热过后，你很难不想被埋葬十年，直到每个人都忘记你曾试图穿着涂满闪光和战争油漆的芭蕾舞短裙来创立嬉皮邪教。
Today, at the end of the session, my homework is a little different.
今天，在课程结束时，我的作业有点不同。
And then I want you to practice giving one compliment and receiving one compliment.
然后我希望你练习给予一项赞美和接受一项赞美。
I don't really speak to people that much.
我真的不怎么跟人说话。
Yeah, now I know.
是的，现在我知道了。
So it would mean you'd have to speak to people.
所以这意味着你必须与人交谈。
Give one compliment, and-- Debra Kaysen And receive one compliment.
给予一项赞美，然后—— Debra Kaysen 并接受一项赞美。
So that's tough, because you're in a strange city.
所以这很难，因为你在一个陌生的城市。
Yeah.
是的。
Debra Kaysen So what it's going to mean is a couple of things.
Debra Kaysen 那么这意味着几件事。
Either you're going to need to listen for compliments you're getting naturally without filtering them.
要么你需要倾听你自然而然地得到的赞美，而不是过滤它们。
OK.
好的。
Debra Kaysen Or sometimes if you're interacting with people, then you may be more likely to get compliments.
Debra Kaysen 或者有时，如果您与人互动，那么您可能更有可能得到赞美。
This is the point of the exercise.
这就是练习的重点。
Dr. Kaysen is preparing me for life post-treatment by encouraging me to interact with people.
凯森医生鼓励我与人互动，为我治疗后的生活做好准备。
She explains that social isolation often follows PTSD.
她解释说，社交孤立往往伴随着创伤后应激障碍。
Session nine.
第九节。
Debra Kaysen All right.
黛布拉·凯森 好吧。
Well, let's dig in to how the practice went.
好吧，让我们深入了解一下实践是如何进行的。
OK.
好的。
Debra Kaysen Before we go into worksheets, how did the giving and receiving compliments go?
黛布拉·凯森 (Debra Kaysen) 在我们进入工作表之前，我们先来了解一下给予和接受赞美的情况如何？
Yesterday when Dr. Kaysen gave me the compliment assignment, it seemed difficult and silly.
昨天，当凯森博士给我布置的赞美作业时，它看起来既困难又愚蠢。
It felt like I entered Mr. Roger's land.
感觉就像进入了罗杰先生的土地。
And even though I know he was a good soul, I was always a Muppets Show person.
尽管我知道他是一个善良的人，但我一直是布偶秀的人。
I wasn't entirely sure how to conjure up compliments.
我不太确定如何表达赞美。
As I anticipated, giving compliments was pretty easy.
正如我所预料的，给予赞美是很容易的。
I told Dr. Kaysen that I told my Airbnb guy I liked his record collection and his illustrations.
我告诉凯森博士，我告诉我的 Airbnb 员工我喜欢他的唱片收藏和插图。
Yeah, nice.
是的，很好。
Did you get any compliments?
你得到任何赞美吗？
[LAUGHS] Jaime Lowe I got a very-- a really, really, really big compliment, to me.
[笑] Jaime Lowe 我得到了一个非常非常非常非常大的赞美。
Yeah.
是的。
Jaime Lowe I pause.
海梅·洛我停了下来。
I'm choking up.
我快要窒息了
[SNIFFS] Someone wrote me an email [SNIFFS] just about my book.
[SNIFFS] 有人给我写了一封关于我的书的电子邮件 [SNIFFS]。
About my book, Mental, the memoir I wrote about being bipolar.
关于我的书《心理》，这是我写的关于躁郁症的回忆录。
The email was from a young woman who is also bipolar.
这封电子邮件来自一位同样患有躁郁症的年轻女性。
She had to leave college, and go home, and kind of really shift her plans.
她不得不离开大学，回家，并真正改变她的计划。
And she said that she really felt like the story that I told was something that she had never read, but could really relate to.
她说她真的觉得我讲的故事是她从未读过的，但确实能产生共鸣。
It was a really big compliment.
这真是一个很大的赞美。
That's powerful.
太强大了。
Jaime Lowe We'd been talking in a previous session about my feelings of being a failure, of not doing well at my work.
海梅·洛（Jaime Lowe）：我们在之前的会议中谈论了我作为一个失败者以及工作表现不佳的感受。
Dr. Kaysen wants me to remember this email.
凯森博士希望我记住这封电子邮件。
I can try and remember it.
我可以尝试并记住它。
[LAUGHS] It's hard.
[笑]这很难。
It's really hard for me to remember the positive responses, like, to anything.
我真的很难记住积极的反应，比如对任何事情的反应。
Yep.
是的。
And so this is one for you to practice, right?
所以这是你练习的一个，对吗？
So we're starting to move into life skills, right?
所以我们开始转向生活技能，对吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Debra Kaysen This is one that's going to be a life skill for you.
Debra Kaysen 这将成为你的一项生活技能。
What am I leaving out?
我遗漏了什么？
That's been a really helpful question for you.
这对你来说是一个非常有帮助的问题。
Right?
正确的？
It forces you to get out of that negative space and look for things that don't fit with the stuck point.
它迫使你走出消极空间，寻找与卡点不相符的东西。
This is the next to last session, and I can feel we're coming to the end.
这是倒数最后一次会议，我能感觉到我们即将结束。
The way Dr. Kaysen is talking and the way I'm feeling, it just feels close to over.
从凯森博士说话的方式和我的感受来看，一切都快要结束了。
And then my last homework assignment is revealed.
然后我的最后一份作业就被揭晓了。
I want you to write at least one page on what you think, now, about why the traumatic event occurred.
我希望你至少用一页纸来写下你现在对创伤性事件发生原因的看法。
OK.
好的。
It makes sense.
这是有道理的。
If one purpose of this therapy is to change the story you're telling yourself, it would be a good gauge to write a before and after, to see how the narrative shifts-- the perfect book ends.
如果这种疗法的一个目的是改变你告诉自己的故事，那么写一个前后对比是一个很好的衡量标准，看看叙述如何转变——完美的书结局。
Session ten.
第十节。
Debra Kaysen How was it writing the second impact statement?
Debra Kaysen 第二份影响陈述写得怎么样？
It was good.
很好。
It felt like it was less fraught.
感觉好像不那么令人担忧了。
It's the day of my last session, and it's like Seattle knows it.
这是我最后一次会议的日子，西雅图似乎知道这一点。
This morning, I rode the ferry and saw a double rainbow.
今天早上，我乘渡轮看到了双彩虹。
I walked around Bainbridge Island with a friend and saw sun, real sun through trees and abandoned mills, sun shining against the sound, and against graffiti, and against soaring seagulls, sun that reflected on the sign for Bernie's Automotive Service that read, "Welcome to the team, Charlie." It all looked shining and miraculous.
我和一个朋友在班布里奇岛周围散步，看到了阳光，真正的阳光穿过树木和废弃的工厂，阳光映衬着声音、涂鸦和翱翔的海鸥，阳光反射在伯尼汽车服务公司的标牌上，上面写着：“欢迎加入我们的团队，查理。”一切看起来都闪闪发光、神奇无比。
I could feel the excitement of being done.
我能感受到完成任务的兴奋感。
And the Pacific Northwest felt it with me.
太平洋西北地区和我一样感受到了这一点。
Writing the second impact statement was easier than writing the first one.
撰写第二个影响陈述比撰写第一个影响陈述更容易。
I didn't feel pent up emotions spilling over.
我没有感到压抑的情绪溢出。
I didn't feel out of control.
我并没有感到失控。
Nice.
好的。
So I'm going to have you read it to me.
所以我要请你读给我听。
The attack happened because-- who knows why it happened?
袭击发生是因为——谁知道为什么会发生？
I don't know why he molested me.
我不知道他为什么骚扰我。
I don't know what motivated him.
我不知道是什么激励了他。
I know that it didn't happen because I was there, or wearing boxers, or friendly, or willing it upon myself.
我知道这件事没有发生，因为我在那里，或者穿着平角内裤，或者友好，或者我自己愿意。
I was young and walking to school, not looking for a sexual assault.
我还年轻，步行去学校，并不是为了寻找性侵犯。
That's pretty improbable.
这是不太可能的。
Why would anyone look for that?
为什么有人会寻找这个？
I think it happened because-- I just really can't explain why.
我认为它发生是因为——我真的无法解释为什么。
He was in control.
他一切尽在掌控之中。
He had a knife.
他有一把刀。
I did everything I could to protect myself and to get away.
我竭尽全力保护自己并逃离。
My feelings after it happened were natural.
事情发生后我的感受是很自然的。
My response was as good as it could be.
我的反应已经尽其所能了。
Good is the wrong word, but I think I did OK, considering all of the circumstances.
“好”这个词是错误的，但考虑到所有情况，我认为我做得还不错。
I keep going.
我继续前进。
And when I get to the end, Dr. Kaysen reads back what I wrote after our first session, my original impact statement.
当我讲到最后时，凯森博士回读了我在第一次会议后写的内容，即我最初的影响陈述。
So let me read back to you what you wrote the first time.
那么让我把你第一次写的内容读给你听。
OK.
好的。
Debra Kaysen I was young, 13, and I don't think I knew much about actual human nature-- friendliness, strangers.
黛布拉·凯森（Debra Kaysen） 我当时还年轻，13 岁，我认为我对真正的人性——友善、陌生人——了解不多。
It's funny to think that I was not cautious about the very thing kids are always warned of-- strangers.
有趣的是，我对孩子们总是被警告的事情——陌生人——并不谨慎。
I walked to my bus stop alone every morning.
每天早上我独自步行到公交车站。
Dr. Kaysen keeps reading, and I can hear how my story has changed.
凯森博士继续阅读，我可以听到我的故事发生了怎样的变化。
So what changes do you hear?
那么您听到了什么变化？
Jaime Lowe Well, I think there's a huge shift of focus.
Jaime Lowe：嗯，我认为焦点发生了巨大的转变。
Now, it feels like there's just a different way of seeing it.
现在，感觉就像有一种不同的看待它的方式。
Right.
正确的。
Jaime Lowe Like, that attack just doesn't feel as potent, I think.
Jaime Lowe 就像，我认为这种攻击感觉不那么有效。
Yep.
是的。
Yep.
是的。
That's what I heard, too.
我也是这么听说的。
And also, really an acceptance that you may never know-- in fact, you probably will never know-- exactly why it happened.
而且，真正接受你可能永远不会知道——事实上，你可能永远不会知道——到底为什么会发生。
But you can be really confident that it didn't have anything to do with you.
但你可以确信这与你没有任何关系。
Right.
正确的。
Which is something that I do think I intellectually understood, but it wasn't something I accepted, I don't think.
我确实认为我在理智上理解了这一点，但我不认为这不是我接受的。
Right.
正确的。
Jaime Lowe And I think that in the difference between the first statement to the last, there was acceptance in that.
海梅·洛（Jaime Lowe） 我认为第一个陈述与最后一个陈述之间的区别在于人们接受了这一点。
Acceptance that it wasn't me, that it wasn't my fault.
接受这不是我，这不是我的错。
Dr. Kaysen hands me a print-out of the PTSD check-ins that we did at the beginning of each session.
凯森博士递给我一份我们在每次治疗开始时所做的创伤后应激障碍检查的打印输出。
By the end, my number has dropped from the initial total by about 12 points.
到最后，我的分数比最初的总数下降了大约 12 分。
She says 10 points indicates meaningful change.
她说 10 分表示有意义的改变。
The number doesn't mean that much to me, but I do feel better.
这个数字对我来说意义不大，但我确实感觉好多了。
I know that.
我知道。
She wonders how I feel about the therapy, overall.
她想知道我对治疗的总体感受如何。
What did you notice in the process?
在此过程中你注意到了什么？
What was helpful for you?
什么对你有帮助？
What was not helpful?
什么没有帮助？
How have you seen shifts?
您如何看待转变？
Well, I've definitely seen-- I mean, I think working through all of this stuff about the assault was incredibly helpful, because I felt like there was a lot of unresolved assumptions that I didn't really even recognize were there.
嗯，我确实看到了——我的意思是，我认为解决所有有关攻击的事情非常有帮助，因为我觉得有很多未解决的假设，我什至没有意识到它们的存在。
And that it was, frankly, kind of a relief to not really have that there as much.
坦率地说，没有那么多这样的东西，真是一种解脱。
Like it just kind of feels better.
喜欢这样感觉会更好。
The process of CPT surprised me.
CPT的过程让我很惊讶。
Its effectiveness surprised me.
它的有效性令我惊讶。
I could see in just those two statements how the ten sessions in between shifted my thinking.
仅仅从这两个陈述中我就可以看出中间的十次会议如何改变了我的想法。
This is like ninja therapy.
这就像忍者疗法。
They distract you with the weird language, and then progress creeps up on you from behind.
他们用奇怪的语言分散你的注意力，然后进展从后面悄悄向你袭来。
As always, Dr. Kaysen is huggable, gracious, warm.
一如既往，凯森博士令人怀念、亲切、热情。
I'm going to miss her.
我会想念她的。
I'm sad to leave, even though I know it's time, and I know I can.
我很难过要离开，尽管我知道是时候了，而且我知道我可以。
All right.
好的。
It's been 10 months since I did CPT.
我参加CPT已经10个月了。
I still have my folder stuffed with more than 100 worksheets.
我的文件夹里还塞满了 100 多张工作表。
The spine is reinforced with neon orange duct tape, because the folder is falling apart, but I'm not.
书脊用霓虹橙色胶带加固，因为文件夹正在散架，但我没有。
I feel like I did, in fact, get something I wanted out of this, more than what I expected.
事实上，我觉得我确实从中得到了我想要的东西，超出了我的预期。
I don't feel as hopeless and incapacitated when I hear about other assaults.
当我听到其他袭击事件时，我并不感到那么绝望和无能为力。
The news doesn't dictate my emotional state in the same way.
新闻并不以同样的方式决定我的情绪状态。
When Jeffrey Epstein was found dead, I was angry on behalf of his victims.
当杰弗里·爱泼斯坦被发现死亡时，我代表他的受害者感到愤怒。
I shouted a few expletives and threw my phone on the ground, but I could still function.
我骂了几句，把手机摔在地上，但还能正常工作。
And really, that's a very rational reaction.
事实上，这是一个非常理性的反应。
Before CPT, I had a lot of anxiety and overwhelming feelings.
在CPT之前，我有很多焦虑和压倒性的感觉。
I was experiencing PTSD symptoms, which I didn't even realize.
我正在经历创伤后应激障碍（PTSD）症状，但我什至没有意识到。
I had my suspicions that these intense emotions were related to the assault, but it was never named for me.
我怀疑这些强烈的情绪与这次袭击有关，但它从未以我的名字命名。
Now, my symptoms are mostly gone.
现在，我的症状基本消失了。
And when problems come up, I can work them through in my head, or I pull out a blank worksheet.
当出现问题时，我可以在脑海中解决它们，或者我拿出一张空白工作表。
There's a surge of women seeking help right now.
现在寻求帮助的女性人数激增。
A National Sexual Assault hotline saw a 200% increase over normal volume after the Kavanaugh hearing.
卡瓦诺听证会后，全国性侵犯热线的音量比正常情况增加了 200%。
There was a 20% increase in calls after the R.
R 后呼叫量增加了 20%。
Kelly doc aired.
凯利医生播出。
After the sentencing hearing of Larry Nassar, calls to the same hotline increased by 46%.
拉里·纳萨尔 (Larry Nassar) 的量刑听证会结束后，拨打同一热线的电话增加了 46%。
Of course, so many survivors of sexual assault don't get any treatment at all-- not talk therapy, not CPT, nothing.
当然，如此多的性侵犯幸存者根本没有得到任何治疗——没有谈话疗法，没有CPT，什么都没有。
When I started CPT, it was hard to say I'd been sexually assaulted out loud.
当我开始 CPT 时，很难大声地说我受到了性侵犯。
I think I carried a lot of shame-- the word I was most offended by.
我想我带着很多羞耻感——这是我最感到冒犯的一个词。
But now I can say it, and I can say it without crying.
但现在我可以说，而且可以不哭不说。
I was sexually assaulted when I was 13.
我13岁时遭到性侵犯。
Jaime Lowe, she's the author of a memoir called Mental.
海梅·洛（Jaime Lowe）是回忆录《心理》（Mental）的作者。
In the month since she saw Dr. Debra Kaysen, Dr. Kaysen has moved from the University of Washington to Stanford.
自从见到黛布拉·凯森博士一个月后，凯森博士就从华盛顿大学转到了斯坦福大学。
Our program was produced today by Susan Burton.
我们今天的节目由苏珊·伯顿制作。
People who put together today's show includes Bim Adewunmi, Elna Baker, Ben Calhoun, Zoe Chace, Dana Chivvis, Sean Cole, Whitney Dangerfield, Neil Drumming, Damien Grave, Michelle Harris, Jessica Lussenhopp, Stowe Nelson, Catherine Raimondo, Alissa Shipp, Lilly Sullivan, Christopher Svetala, and Matt Tierney.
今天节目的制作人包括 Bim Adewunmi、Elna Baker、Ben Calhoun、Zoe Chace、Dana Chivvis、Sean Cole、Whitney Dangerfield、Neil Drumming、Damien Grave、Michelle Harris、Jessica Lussenhopp、Stowe Nelson、Catherine Raimondo、Alissa Shipp、Lilly Sullivan、Christopher Svetala 和 Matt Tierney。
Our managing editor is Diane Wu.
我们的总编辑是 Diane Wu。
Our executive editor is David Kestenbaum.
我们的执行编辑是大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆。
Special thanks to Emily Dworkin, Patricia Resick, Henry Schwartz, and Shawn Bishop.
特别感谢 Emily Dworkin、Patricia Resick、Henry Schwartz 和 Shawn Bishop。
Original music for today's show by Daniel Hart.
今天节目的原创音乐由 Daniel Hart 创作。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org, where you can stream our archive of over 680 episodes for absolutely free.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中完全免费地观看我们的 680 多集档案。
Also there's videos and tons of other stuff there, too.
那里还有视频和大量其他内容。
Or get our app, which has all that stuff and also lets you download as many episodes as you want.
或者获取我们的应用程序，它拥有所有这些内容，还可以让您下载任意数量的剧集。
Again, thisamericanlife.org.
再说一次，thisamericanlife.org。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
He took some ayahuasca before painting his own apartment-- not a good idea.
他在粉刷自己的公寓之前服用了一些死藤水——这不是一个好主意。
He was getting the primer ready, and he said one of the walls started talking to him that said--
他正在准备底漆，他说其中一堵墙开始对他说话，说——
I hate to tell you this, but I'm really treatment resistant.
我不想告诉你这一点，但我真的对治疗有抵抗力。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
This American Life This American Life 与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。