64: Summer - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #64 | May 23, 1997 64: Summer Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 64 集 | 1997 年 5 月 23 日 64：夏季 注：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Memorial Day wasn't easy for Julie.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯阵亡将士纪念日对朱莉来说并不容易。
Her mom's birthday was May 31.
她妈妈的生日是5月31日。
And her mom had officially declared that the period between Mother's Day-- which, of course, is in the middle of May-- and her birthday would be known in the family as "gala time." Which meant, basically, it would be the one time during the year where mom would get whatever she wanted.
她的妈妈正式宣布，母亲节（当然是五月中旬）和她的生日之间的这段时间在家里被称为“庆祝时间”。这基本上意味着，这将是一年中妈妈可以得到她想要的任何东西的一次。
Which would've been fine except what mom often wanted was a road trip into the mountains on curvy roads, which didn't match Julie's personal style when Julie was a kid.
这本来很好，但妈妈经常想要的是沿着弯曲的道路进入山区，这与朱莉小时候的个人风格不符。
I puked everywhere and always.
我总是吐得到处都是。
I puked on every road trip from-- I puked any time we were in the car for longer than, like, a half an hour from the age of 4 to the age of 12.
从 4 岁到 12 岁，每次公路旅行我都会吐，只要我们在车里的时间超过半小时，我就会吐。
I used to be so drugged up on Dramamine, I didn't really ever experience my summer vacations.
我曾经因为服用茶苯海明而沉迷其中，根本没有真正体验过暑假。
Say that again.
再说一遍。
Julie I'd be so drugged up on Dramamine.
朱莉 我会因为茶苯海明而上瘾的。
That you wouldn't even experience them as vacations?
你甚至不会把它们当作假期来体验吗？
No, you just sleep.
不，你只是睡觉。
I would just feel glassy-eyed and kind of sweaty.
我只是感觉眼神呆滞，有点出汗。
And I remember we went-- it was a whole trip of the Northwest and Canada and coming down the coast.
我记得我们去了——这是一次西北和加拿大的完整旅行，沿着海岸而来。
And I didn't see anything.
而我什么也没看到。
I don't remember anything.
我什么都不记得了。
I don't remember Glacier.
我不记得冰川了。
I don't remember Yellowstone.
我不记得黄石公园了。
I don't remember Vancouver.
我不记得温哥华了。
I don't remember anything.
我什么都不记得了。
For three weeks I was on Dramamine one time.
三个星期以来，我曾服用过一次茶苯海明。
Except for one day, and that one day, I threw up.
除了有一天，那一天，我吐了。
And so my mom put me back on it.
所以我妈妈让我重新开始。
She thought I was getting addicted.
她以为我上瘾了。
To Dramamine?
去茶苯海明？
Julie Mm hmm.
朱莉 嗯嗯。
So she took me off.
于是她就带我走了。
But then she was more scared of the throw up than of the addiction.
但后来她更害怕呕吐而不是上瘾。
I, like, power threw up all over the car.
我感觉整个车都充满了力量。
And my brother had two pairs of shoes right in front of me and I threw up one in each shoe.
我哥哥在我面前有两双鞋，我在每只鞋里扔了一只。
So he had to wear a pair of dress shoes and a pair of Nike's.
所以他必须穿一双正装鞋和一双耐克的。
And I threw up in my brother's baseball card collection that was also on the floor in front of me.
我吐了我哥哥收藏的棒球卡，它也在我面前的地板上。
Different brother.
不一样的兄弟。
Well, this is the week of Memorial Day.
嗯，这一周是阵亡将士纪念日。
And the thing about Memorial Day and the beginning of summer is that every person, every family has its Achilles' heel when summer finally arrives.
关于阵亡将士纪念日和立夏的事情是，当夏天终于到来时，每个人、每个家庭都有其致命弱点。
If it's not the one person who gets sick in the car, it's the person who hates the sun; or the one who can't stand the beach; or the person who loves the beach-- loves it so hard, so fiercely so thoroughly that no one else in the family can understand it.
如果不是车里的人生病了，那就是讨厌阳光的人；或是无法忍受海滩的人；或者一个热爱海滩的人——爱得如此之深、如此强烈、如此彻底，以至于家里的其他人都无法理解。
There's a promise of summer, the hope we have of all things getting easier, of more fun, more free time.
夏天即将到来，我们希望一切都会变得更轻松，有更多乐趣，有更多空闲时间。
And then there's the reality of all we have to do to make summer live up to its potential.
然后是我们必须做的一切才能让夏天发挥其潜力的现实。
But didn't they install little bags or something?
但他们没有安装小袋子什么的吗？
Well, yeah, my brothers did, actually, when we were, like, two and a half weeks into this road trip that we took.
嗯，是的，事实上，当我们开始这次公路旅行两周半时，我的兄弟们就这么做了。
They decided all of a sudden that we were going to have puke drills and that we needed to prepare for them like an Olympic team.
他们突然决定我们要进行呕吐训练，我们需要像奥运代表队一样做好准备。
And so they strategically placed plastic and paper bags all over the place but also had this blanket that they had set up that you could quick pull out.
因此，他们策略性地在各处放置了塑料袋和纸袋，而且还准备了一条毯子，你可以快速拉出。
And it would drape across my lap, because I had a problem controlling where it went as well.
它会垂在我的腿上，因为我也很难控制它的去向。
And also, then, somebody was in charge of opening all the windows.
而且，然后，有人负责打开所有的窗户。
And the other person was in charge of keeping me off their stuff.
另一个人负责不让我接触他们的东西。
And did this work?
这有效吗？
Julie No, no. It's chaos when it happens.
朱莉 不，不。当它发生的时候，一切都是混乱的。
Because that was the problem.
因为这就是问题所在。
I could never give ample enough warning to really set the whole thing in motion.
我永远无法发出足够充分的警告来真正启动整个事情。
Because I'd be threatening to do it for, like, three hours.
因为我会威胁要这样做三个小时。
And then everyone would just stop paying attention to me.
然后每个人都会不再关注我。
And then, all of a sudden, it would just happen.
然后，突然之间，这一切就会发生。
So pretty much, any summer vacation for you is pretty much a bust.
所以，对于你来说，任何一个暑假都几乎是一场失败。
Yes.
是的。
I hate summer.
我讨厌夏天。
Ira Glass You actually hate summer?
Ira Glass 你真的讨厌夏天吗？
Oh, totally, because of the expectations that you're supposed to have a good time, like, your life is supposed to be like a Pepsi commercial or something.
哦，完全是因为期望你应该度过愉快的时光，比如，你的生活应该像百事可乐广告或其他什么的。
And you're supposed to have this great time and because the weather's nice, you're supposed to go to the beach.
你应该度过一段美好的时光，因为天气很好，你应该去海滩。
And because the weather's nice, you're supposed to go to outdoor concerts and have fun and be happy all the time.
因为天气好，你应该去听户外音乐会，一直玩得开心。
And you're not supposed to sit in your house and watch TV and get upset.
而且你不应该坐在家里看电视而心烦意乱。
It's just terrible.
太可怕了。
And you're supposed to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
而且你应该有男朋友或女朋友。
It's just awful.
太糟糕了。
It's an awful, terrible time of the year.
这是一年中非常可怕的时刻。
Nobody wants you to be happy in the winter.
没有人希望你在冬天快乐。
You have no pressure to be happy.
你没有压力去快乐。
You can just be whatever you want.
你可以成为你想要的任何人。
You can feel totally justified in being depressed.
你会觉得沮丧是完全合理的。
But in the summer, it's awful.
但到了夏天，就很糟糕了。
Everyone wants you to be all happy.
每个人都希望你幸福快乐。
And then you just feel like a loser.
然后你就感觉自己像个失败者。
So you're not even really that depressed about anything in particular other than the fact that you're just like, I kind of just feel like a loser.
所以你甚至没有对任何特别的事情感到那么沮丧，除了你只是觉得，我有点像个失败者。
The way you're describing it, summer is just like a three-month-long prom date, where you're supposed to go and have a good time, but nobody ever does.
按照你的描述，夏天就像一场为期三个月的舞会，你应该去那里度过一段愉快的时光，但没有人这样做。
Exactly.
确切地。
I think that's exactly what summer is.
我想这就是夏天。
Exactly.
确切地。
You feel like such a sucker.
你感觉自己像个傻瓜。
But you can't really get out of it.
但你无法真正摆脱它。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life .
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today on our program, with Memorial Day here, a show about the promise of summer.
今天在我们的节目中，在阵亡将士纪念日到来之际，我们的节目讲述了夏天的希望。
And this hour on our show, we're going to try something different.
在我们的节目中，我们将尝试一些不同的东西。
Usually, those who are familiar with the show know that we will choose one theme and bring you a variety of all different kinds of stories over the course of the hour.
通常，熟悉该节目的人都知道，我们会选择一个主题，并在一小时内为您带来各种不同类型的故事。
Today, we're going to hear two stories interlaced throughout the hour-- one from Ron Carlson, one from Scott Carrier.
今天，我们将在一小时内交织地听到两个故事——一个来自罗恩·卡尔森，另一个来自斯科特·卡里尔。
We'll hear those stories in a minute.
我们很快就会听到这些故事。
But first, a little mood music.
但首先，播放一点气氛音乐。
[MUSIC--"WHO LOVES THE SUMMER" BY VELVET UNDERGROUND]
[音乐--地下丝绒《谁爱夏天》]
Well, Act One and Two.
好吧，第一幕和第二幕。
Most of our ideas about the start of summer come from school, from that moment when we would get out of school in May or June and feel that flush of freedom.
我们关于夏季开始的大部分想法都来自学校，从五月或六月离开学校并感受到自由的那一刻起。
Even as adults, I think we yearn for that feeling to hit us again come Memorial Day, come the start of summer.
即使作为成年人，我想我们也渴望那种感觉在阵亡将士纪念日、夏初再次袭击我们。
The first of these two stories that we'll be hearing interlaced throughout the hour is by Ron Carlson, a story of somebody on summer break from college.
我们将在一小时内交织听到的这两个故事中的第一个是罗恩·卡尔森（Ron Carlson）的故事，讲述了一个大学暑假的人的故事。
Ron Carlson is a writer who lives in Arizona.
罗恩·卡尔森是一位住在亚利桑那州的作家。
In 1967, the year before the year that finally cracked the 20th century once and for all, I had as my summer job delivering medical oxygen in Phoenix, Arizona.
1967 年，也就是最终彻底打破 20 世纪的前年，我的暑期工作是在亚利桑那州凤凰城运送医用氧气。
I was a sophomore at the University of Montana in Missoula, but my parents lived in Phoenix and my father, as welding engineer, used his contacts to get me a job at Air and Oxygen Company.
我当时是米苏拉蒙大拿大学的二年级学生，但我的父母住在菲尼克斯，而我的父亲是一名焊接工程师，他利用他的人脉为我在空气和氧气公司找到了一份工作。
I started there doing what I called "dumbbell maintenance," the kind of make work that's assigned to college kids.
我开始做我所谓的“哑铃维护”，这是一种分配给大学生的工作。
I cleared debris from the back lot, mainly crushed packing crates.
我清理了后面场地的碎片，主要是压碎的包装箱。
These were good days for me.
这些对我来说是美好的日子。
I was 19 years old, and this was the hardest work I had ever done.
当时我19岁，这是我做过的最辛苦的工作。
The days were stunning, starting hot and growing insistently hotter.
天气令人惊叹，开始很热，而且越来越热。
My first week, two of the days had been 116.
我的第一周，有两天是 116 天。
And in that first week, I learned what not to touch, where not to stand.
在第一周，我学会了哪些东西不能碰，哪些地方不能站立。
And I found the powerhouse heat simply bracing.
我发现强大的热量令人振奋。
I lost some of the winter dormitory fat and could feel myself browning and getting into shape.
我减掉了一些冬季宿舍的脂肪，感觉自己变褐了，身材也变好了。
I was having a hard ride through the one relationship I had begun during the school year.
我在学年开始的一段关系中经历了一段艰难的时期。
Her name was Linda Enright, a classmate, and we had made the mistake of sleeping together that spring.
她的名字叫琳达·恩赖特，是我们的同学，那年春天我们犯了一个错误，睡在一起。
Just once, but it wrecked absolutely everything.
虽然只有一次，但却毁掉了一切。
We were dreamy beforehand, the kind of couple who walked real close, bumping foreheads.
我们之前就很梦幻，是那种走得很近、碰着额头的情侣。
We read each other's papers.
我们阅读彼此的论文。
I'm not making this up.
这不是我编造的。
We read poetry on the library lawn under a tree.
我们在图书馆草坪上的一棵树下读诗。
And then, one night in her dorm room, we went ahead with it, squirming out of our clothing on her hard bed.
然后，有一天晚上，在她的宿舍里，我们继续做这件事，在她的硬床上蠕动着脱掉衣服。
And we did something for about a minute that changed everything.
我们做了大约一分钟的事情，改变了一切。
After that, we weren't even the same people.
从此以后，我们就不再是同一个人了。
She wasn't she, and I wasn't I.
她不再是她，我也不再是我。
We were too young citizens in the wrong country.
我们太年轻了，生在错误的国家。
All I could remember from the incident itself was Linda stopping once and undoing my belt and saying, here, I'll get it.
我对这起事件的记忆只有一次，琳达停下来，解开我的腰带，说，在这里，我去拿它。
The coolness of that practical phrase repeated in my mind after I'd said goodbye to Linda and she'd gone off to Boulder where her summer job was working in her parents' cookie shop.
当我和琳达告别后，她去了博尔德，她的暑期工作是在她父母的饼干店里工作，这句实用短语的冷静在我脑海中重复出现。
I called her every Sunday from a pay phone at an Exxon station on Indian School Road, and we'd fight.
我每周日都用印第安学校路埃克森车站的公用电话给她打电话，我们会吵架。
And if you asked me what we fought about, I couldn't tell you.
如果你问我我们为什么吵架，我无法告诉你。
We both felt misunderstood.
我们俩都感到被误解了。
Ron Carlson.
罗恩·卡尔森.
Let's start the second of the two stories we'll hear throughout this hour.
让我们开始这一小时内听到的两个故事中的第二个。
This is a very different kind of summer adventure, one spent outside with nature.
这是一种非常不同的夏季冒险，在户外与大自然共度时光。
Scott Carrier, a frequent contributor to This American Life, decided to canoe down the Green River in Utah.
斯科特·卡里尔 (Scott Carrier) 经常为《美国生活》撰稿，他决定沿着犹他州的格林河划独木舟。
I have to confess a profound ignorance about what I'm doing.
我必须承认，我对自己所做的事情一无所知。
My preparation for this float trip consisted of buying a canoe and then grabbing a Wyoming road map from a rest stop on the drive up.
我为这次漂流之旅做的准备包括购买一艘独木舟，然后在开车的休息站拿一张怀俄明州的路线图。
I'd been in a canoe a couple of times, and I thought I knew how to make it turn and go straight.
我坐过几次独木舟，我想我知道如何让它转弯和直行。
And I'd seen the river from several bridges I'd crossed on other trips in other years.
我在其他年份的其他旅行中穿过的几座桥上也看到过这条河。
And it was always wide and calm and flat.
它总是宽阔、平静、平坦。
So I thought I could manage well enough.
所以我想我可以应付得很好。
I could have practiced with the canoe, gone out with someone who could show me the strokes.
我本可以练习划独木舟，和可以教我划船的人一起出去。
And I could have read up on the river, learned about what was in store for me.
我本可以在河牌圈上阅读，了解即将发生的事情。
But I chose not to do these things.
但我选择不做这些事情。
When you try to lay things out, try to control what's going to happen, you always end up disappointed or frustrated.
当你试图把事情安排好，试图控制将要发生的事情时，你总是会感到失望或沮丧。
At least I do.
至少我是这样的。
My first surprise has been that the river, at the top, was not calm and flat.
我的第一个惊讶是，山顶的河流并不平静。
There were rapids-- big rapids.
那里有急流——很大的急流。
I floated down and camped where I first heard the roar.
我飘下来，在第一次听到咆哮声的地方扎营。
It sounded like this.
听起来是这样的。
[SOUND OF ROARING RIVER] This sound was carried on the wind to my tent off and on through the night.
[咆哮的河流之声] 这个声音在风中时断时续地传到了我的帐篷里，整个晚上。
And it rained with lightning and thunder.
下起了闪电和雷鸣雨。
I got up with the sun, made some coffee, and prepared for the worst.
我迎着太阳起床，煮了杯咖啡，做好了最坏的打算。
I double- and triple- wrapped everything in garbage bags and tied it all into the canoe.
我把所有东西都用垃圾袋包裹了两层和三层，然后把它们全部绑在独木舟上。
And then I took off my clothes.
然后我脱掉了衣服。
It would be easier to swim naked.
裸泳会更容易。
And if I was to drown, I wanted, for some reason, to drown naked.
如果我要淹死，出于某种原因，我想裸体淹死。
I started down the river, praying for all the ants I'd ever stepped on, for all the bugs that had splattered into my windshield.
我开始顺流而下，为所有我踩过的蚂蚁、所有溅到我挡风玻璃上的虫子祈祷。
I prayed for dirt and discarded things.
我祈祷泥土和丢弃的东西。
I prayed for all my forgotten memories.
我为我所有被遗忘的记忆祈祷。
And somehow, I made it.
不知何故，我做到了。
The canoe kept filling with water, but it stayed upright.
独木舟一直充满水，但它保持直立。
And I got away with only a couple of welts on my shins.
我的小腿上只留下了几处伤痕。
Two weeks into the summer, I was drafted to drive one of the two medical oxygen trucks.
夏天过去两周，我被征召去驾驶两辆医用氧气车中的一辆。
One of the drivers had quit, and our foreman came out on the dock in the morning and told me to see Nadine, who ran medical, in her little office building out front.
一位司机辞职了，我们的工头早上来到码头，告诉我去见纳丁，她在前面的小办公楼里负责医疗工作。
They had the truck loaded.
他们把卡车装满了。
Two groups of 10 medical-blue cylinders chain hitched into the front of the bed.
两组 10 个医用蓝色气瓶链挂在床的前面。
These tanks were going to be in people's bedrooms.
这些坦克将被放置在人们的卧室里。
I climbed in the truck and started it up, pulled onto McDowell, and headed for Sun City.
我爬上卡车，启动它，驶上麦克道尔，驶向太阳城。
At that time, Sun City was set alone in the desert, a weird theme park for retired white people.
当时，太阳城孤零零地坐落在沙漠中，是一个为退休白人提供的奇怪主题公园。
And from the beginning, it gave me an eerie feeling.
而且从一开始，它就给我一种诡异的感觉。
The streets were like toy streets, narrow and clean, running in large circles.
街道就像玩具街一样，狭窄而干净，绕着大圈蜿蜒而行。
No cars, no garage doors open, and, of course, in the heat, no pedestrians.
没有汽车，没有车库门打开，当然，在炎热的天气里，也没有行人。
These people had come here from the Midwest and the East.
这些人从中西部和东部来到这里。
They had been doctors and professors and lawyers and wanted to live among their own kind.
他们曾经是医生、教授和律师，希望和自己的同类生活在一起。
No one under 20 could reside in Sun City.
20岁以下的人不得在太阳城居住。
Mr. Rensdale was the first of my customers I ever saw in bed.
伦斯代尔先生是我在床上见到的第一个顾客。
I rang the bell and was met by a young woman in a long silk shirt, who saw me and said, "Oh, yeah.
我按响了门铃，一位穿着长丝衬衫的年轻女士迎接了我，她看到我说：“哦，是的。
Come on in." I had the hot, blue cylinder on the single dolly and pulled it up the step and into the dark, cool space.
进来吧。”我把滚烫的蓝色圆柱体放在单个小车上，然后把它拉上台阶，进入黑暗、凉爽的空间。
I had my pocket rag and wiped the wheels as soon as she shut the door.
她一关门，我就拿出口袋里的抹布擦车轮。
I pointed down the hall.
我指着大厅下面。
"Is it this way?"
“是这样吗？”
"No, upstairs.
“不，楼上。
First door on your right.
第一个门在你的右边。
He's awake, David." She said my name just the way you read names off shirts.
他醒了，大卫。”她说我的名字就像你从衬衫上读名字一样。
Then she put her hand on my sleeve and said, "Who hit you?"
然后她把手放在我的袖子上说：“谁打你了？”
My old scar was still raw across my cheekbone.
我颧骨上的旧疤痕仍然未愈合。
"I got burned."
“我被烧伤了。”
"Cute," she said.
“可爱，”她说。
"They're going to love that back at where?"
“他们会在哪里喜欢这个？”
"University of what?" She said.
“什么大学？”她说。
"There's a university there?" She smiled.
“那儿有大学吗？”她笑了。
"I'm kidding.
“我开玩笑的。
I'm a snob, but I'm kidding.
我是个势利小人，但我是在开玩笑。
What year are you?"
你是哪一年的？”
"I'm a senior at Penn," she said.
“我是宾夕法尼亚大学的一名大四学生，”她说。
I nodded, my mind whipping around for something clever.
我点点头，脑子里飞快地想出一些聪明的办法。
I didn't even know where Penn was.
我什至不知道佩恩在哪里。
"Great," I said.
“太好了，”我说。
I started up the stairs.
我开始上楼梯。
"Yeah," she said.
“是的，”她说。
"Great."
“伟大的。”
I drew the dolly up the carpeted stair carefully and entered the bedroom.
我小心翼翼地将小车拖上铺着地毯的楼梯，进入卧室。
It was dim in there, but I could see the other cylinder beside the bed and a man in the bed, awake.
那里很昏暗，但我可以看到床边的另一个圆柱体和床上的一个男人，醒着。
He was wearing pajamas and immediately upon seeing me said, "Good.
他穿着睡衣，一看到我就说：“很好。
Open the blinds, will you?"
把百叶窗打开好吗？”
"Sure thing," I said, and I went around the bed and turned the mini blind wand.
“当然可以，”我说，然后我绕过床，转动迷你百叶窗魔杖。
The Arizona day fell into the room.
亚利桑那日落入房间。
The young woman I'd spoken to walked out to the pool beneath me.
与我交谈过的那位年轻女士走到我下面的泳池边。
She took off her shirt and hung it on one of the chairs.
她脱下衬衫，挂在其中一张椅子上。
Her breasts were white in the sunlight.
她的乳房在阳光下显得雪白。
She set out her magazine and drink by one of the lounges and lay face down in a shiny, green bikini bottom.
她在一间休息室旁摆好杂志和饮料，脸朝下躺在闪亮的绿色比基尼泳裤中。
I only looked for a second or less, but I could feel the image in my body.
我只看了一秒钟或更短的时间，但我能感觉到我体内的图像。
While I was disconnecting the regulator from the old tank and setting up the new one, Mr. Rensdale introduced himself.
当我将调节器与旧水箱断开并安装新水箱时，伦斯代尔先生做了自我介绍。
He was a thin, handsome man, with dark hair and mustache.
他是一个瘦削、英俊的男人，有着深色的头发和小胡子。
And he looked like about three or four of the actors I was seeing those nights in late movies after my parents went to bed.
他看起来就像我父母上床睡觉后那些晚上在电影深夜看到的大约三四个演员。
I liked him immediately.
我立刻就喜欢上了他。
"What field are you in?" I asked him.
“你是哪个领域的？”我问他。
He seemed so absolutely worldly there, his wry eyes and his East Coast accent.
他那副扭曲的眼睛和东海岸口音，看起来非常世俗。
And he seemed old the way people did then.
他看起来就像当时的人们一样老了。
But I realized now he wasn't 50.
但我现在意识到他还不到50岁。
"I, lad, am the owner of Rensdale Foundations, which my father founded." His whisper was rich with humor.
“我，小伙子，是我父亲创立的伦斯代尔基金会的所有者。”他的低语充满了幽默感。
"We make ladies undergarments.
“我们生产女士内衣。
Lots of them."
很多。”
The dolly was loaded and I was ready to go.
手推车已经装好，我准备出发了。
"Come after 4:00 next time if it's worth a martini to you, kid.
“如果你值得喝一杯马提尼的话，下次 4:00 以后来吧，孩子。
And we'll do some career counseling."
我们还会做一些职业咨询。”
He gave me a thin smile and I left.
他给了我一个浅浅的微笑，然后我就离开了。
Letting myself out of the dark downstairs, I did an odd thing.
从楼下的黑暗中走出来，我做了一件奇怪的事。
I stood still in the house.
我站在屋子里一动不动。
I had talked to her right here.
我就在这里和她谈过话。
I saw her breasts again in the bright light.
我在明亮的灯光下再次看到了她的乳房。
No one knew where I was.
没有人知道我在哪里。
The next house was an old block home gone to seed-- the lawn dirt, the shrubs dead, the windows brown with dust and cobwebs.
旁边的房子是一栋破旧的街区住宅——草坪上满是泥土，灌木枯死了，窗户上布满了灰尘和蜘蛛网。
I was fairly sure I had a wrong address and that the property was abandoned.
我相当确定我的地址有误，并且该房产已被遗弃。
I knocked on the greasy door, and after five minutes, a stooped, red-haired old man answered.
我敲了敲那扇油腻腻的门，五分钟后，一个弯腰驼背的红发老人开门了。
This was Gil, and I have no idea how old he was that summer, but it was as old as you get.
这是吉尔，我不知道那年夏天他多大了，但已经是你能想到的年龄了。
His skin, stretched tight and translucent on his gaunt body, was splattered with brown spots.
瘦弱的身体上，皮肤紧绷，呈半透明状，上面散布着棕色的斑点。
On his hand, several had been picked raw.
他手上有几个是生摘的。
I pulled my dolly into the house and was hit by the roiling smell of dog hair and urine.
我把我的小车拖进屋里，闻到了狗毛和尿液的翻腾气味。
I didn't kneel to wipe the wheels.
我没有跪下来擦轮子。
"Right in here," the old man said, leading me back into the house toward a yellow light in the small kitchen where I could hear a radio chattering.
“就在这里，”老人说，带我回到屋子，走向小厨房里的黄灯，我能听到收音机的声音。
He had his oxygen set up in the corner of the kitchen.
他把氧气放在厨房的角落里。
It looked like he lived in the one room.
看起来他住在一间房间里。
There was a fur of fine, red dust on everything-- the range, the sink-- except half the kitchen table where he had his things arranged.
所有东西上都沾满了细小的红色灰尘——炉灶、水槽——除了他摆放东西的厨房桌子的一半。
I got busy changing out the tanks.
我正忙着更换坦克。
Meanwhile, the old man sat down at the kitchen table and started talking.
与此同时，老人在厨房的桌子旁坐下，开始说话。
"I'm Gil Benson," his speech began, "and I'm glad to see you, David.
“我是吉尔·本森，”他的演讲开始了，“很高兴见到你，大卫。
My lungs got burned in France in 1919, and it took them 20 years to buckle." He spoke, like so many of my customers, in a hoarse whisper.
1919 年，我的肺部在法国被烧伤，花了 20 年才恢复正常。”和我的许多顾客一样，他说话时声音嘶哑。
"I've lived all over the world, including the three As-- Africa, Australia, and Alaska.
“我住过世界各地，包括非洲、澳大利亚和阿拉斯加三个A。
My favorite place was Montreal, Canada, because I was in love there and married the woman, had children.
我最喜欢的地方是加拿大蒙特利尔，因为我爱上了那里的女人并与她结婚，生了孩子。
My least favorite place is right here because of this.
因此，我最不喜欢的地方就是这里。
"One of my closest friends was Jack Kramer, the tennis player.
“我最亲密的朋友之一是网球运动员杰克·克莱默。
That was many years ago.
那是很多年前的事了。
I've flown every plane made between the years 1928 and 1948.
我驾驶过 1928 年至 1948 年间制造的每一架飞机。
I don't fly anymore with all this." He indicated the oxygen equipment.
有了这一切，我不再飞行了。”他指着氧气设备。
"Sit down.
“坐下吧。
Have a cookie."
吃一块饼干吧。”
I had my dolly ready.
我已经准备好了我的小车。
"I shouldn't, sir," I said.
“我不应该这么做，先生，”我说。
"I've got a schedule and better keep it."
“我有一个时间表，最好遵守它。”
"Grab that pitcher out of the fridge before you sit down.
“坐下之前，从冰箱里拿出那个水罐。
I made us some Kool-Aid.
我给我们做了一些酷爱饮料。
It's good."
很好。”
I opened his refrigerator.
我打开他的冰箱。
Except for the Tupperware pitcher, it was empty.
除了特百惠水罐外，它是空的。
Nothing.
什么也没有。
I put the pitcher on the table.
我把水罐放在桌子上。
"I really have to go," I said.
“我真的得走了，”我说。
"I'll be late."
“我会迟到的。”
"Sit down," he said.
“坐下，”他说。
"This is your last stop today.
“这是你今天的最后一站。
Have a snack."
吃点零食吧。”
So began my visits with the old Gil Benson.
于是我开始拜访老吉尔·本森。
He was my last delivery every fourth day that summer.
那年夏天，他是我每四天最后一次分娩。
And as far as I could tell, I was the only one to visit his wretched house.
据我所知，我是唯一一个参观过他那破房子的人。
On one occasion, I placed one of the Oreos he gave me on the corner of my chair as I left, and it was there next time when I returned.
有一次，我离开时将他给我的一块奥利奥放在我的椅角上，下次我回来时它就在那里。
Our visits became little three-part dramas-- my arrival and the bustle of intrusion, the snack and his monologue, his hysteria and weeping.
我们的访问变成了三部分的小戏剧——我的到来和喧闹的闯入，小吃和他的独白，他的歇斯底里和哭泣。
I had "I've got to go" all over my face, but he would never read it.
我满脸写着“我得走了”，但他永远不会读。
It always started with the story of long ago, an airplane, a homemade repair, an emergency landing, an odd coincidence, each part told with pride.
它总是从很久以前的故事开始，一架飞机、一次自制修理、一次紧急着陆、一个奇怪的巧合，每个部分都充满自豪地讲述。
But his voice would gradually change, slide into a kind of whine as he began an escalating series of complaints about his doctors, the insurance, his children, naming each of the four and relating their indifference, petty greed or cruelty.
但他的声音会逐渐改变，当他开始对他的医生、保险、他的孩子进行一系列不断升级的抱怨时，他的声音会逐渐变化，变成一种哀鸣，他会点出四个人的名字，并讲述他们的冷漠、贪婪或残忍。
I nodded through all of this.
这一切我都点头。
I've got to go.
我得走了。
I'd slide my chair back and he'd grab my wrist.
我把椅子向后滑动，他抓住我的手腕。
By then, I could understand his children pushing him away and moving out of state.
到那时，我可以理解他的孩子把他推走并搬出州。
I wanted out.
我想出去。
It's been easy floating the past couple of days.
这两天很容易浮起来。
But the river winds back and forth in these big, long S-turns.
但河流在这些又大又长的 S 形转弯中来回蜿蜒。
And sometimes, I paddle maybe 10 miles to cover just one as the crow flies.
有时，我划桨大约 10 英里，只需要直线行驶一英里。
Yesterday, at sunset, after a long, hot day, I pulled out and camped in a grassy field.
昨天，日落时分，经过漫长炎热的一天后，我把车开出来，在一片草地上露营。
I could see a ranch house about a mile in the distance.
我可以看到一英里外有一座牧场房屋。
So the thought of being on private property did cross my mind.
因此，我确实想到了拥有私有财产的想法。
But like I say, the house was a mile away, and it was late.
但就像我说的，房子在一英里之外，而且已经很晚了。
This morning I unzipped the tent, and the grass was covered with frost.
今天早上我拉开帐篷的拉链，草地上结满了霜。
My shoes, which I had left outside, were frozen stiff.
我留在外面的鞋子冻僵了。
So I got up slowly and just laid around until 10:00 or 11:00 looking at the scenery.
于是我慢慢起床，一直躺到10：00或11：00看风景。
I saw moose and beaver, bald eagles, Sandhill cranes, and many little birds I don't know by name.
我看到了驼鹿、海狸、秃鹰、沙丘鹤，还有许多我不知道名字的小鸟。
There was a little one in the willows by the river, and it was bright orange and yellow, like a parakeet you might buy in a pet store.
河边的柳树上有一只小鸟，呈亮橙色和黄色，就像你在宠物店里买的长尾小鹦鹉。
So I was lying around thinking what a great place it was when a truck drove up and parked on a dirt road about a quarter mile away.
当我躺在那里思考这是一个多么棒的地方时，一辆卡车驶来并停在大约四分之一英里外的土路上。
And a man, a ranch foreman, Chuck Davis, came over to chew me out.
然后一个农场工头查克·戴维斯过来训斥我。
Mrs. Kellen called me up and asked me to come down and please ask you to leave, which I have.
凯伦夫人打电话给我，让我下来请你离开，我已经答应了。
The Kellens make their living-- or the operation of this ranch comes from selling hay that you're laying on right now.
凯伦一家靠卖干草为生，或者说这个牧场的运营就是靠出售你现在正在放的干草来维持的。
The ground that you've knocked down this side of the river is irrigating right now.
你在河这边拆掉的土地现在正在灌溉。
You can look out there just 10 feet away from you and there's water.
你可以看到距离你仅 10 英尺的地方，那里有水。
They're irrigating this, trying to put this up as hay.
他们正在灌溉它，试图把它变成干草。
Do you have a lot of trouble with people trespassing?
您是否因他人非法侵入而遇到很多麻烦？
Yes, we do, at specific times of the year.
是的，我们会在一年中的特定时间进行。
Hell, I'm a hunter and a fisherman, a sportsman.
天哪，我是一名猎人、渔夫、运动员。
And I like to go, when I get the time, to hunt and fish myself.
当我有时间的时候，我喜欢自己去打猎和钓鱼。
But these people have paid a specific amount of money, and it's a large amount of money.
但这些人都付出了一定数额的金钱，而且是一笔巨款。
They pay a large amount of taxes every year on this ground.
他们每年为此缴纳大量税款。
And it's their right to say who comes and who goes on that property.
他们有权决定谁来谁去该财产。
Why do you have to come here?
你为什么一定要来这里？
There's ground up there too for the public.
那里也为公众提供了基础。
From the Green River Lakes, there's millions and millions of acres of public ground, of national forest, of state ground.
从绿河湖出发，有数百万英亩的公共土地、国家森林和州立土地。
Why do you have to come on this specific piece of ground?
为什么一定要来到这片特定的土地上？
It looked nice.
看起来不错。
[LAUGHS] Chuck Davis Yeah, how long will it stay nice?
[笑] Chuck Davis 是的，这样的情况能持续多久？
How long will it continue to look nice if everybody comes down here-- and I'm not pointing a finger at you-- but if 10 people come through here and nine of them leave beer cans-- or even four of them-- every day, or build different fires and the fire ring is here, how long will this look nice?
如果每个人都来到这里——我不是指着你——但是如果有 10 个人经过这里，其中九个人留下啤酒罐——甚至四个——每天，或者生不同的火并且火环在这里，那么这看起来会持续多久？
You've just got to draw the line somewhere.
你必须在某个地方划清界限。
I apologized for my trespass and was quickly back on the river, paddling through some of the most beautiful country I'd ever seen and keeping my eye on both banks, the two lines I wouldn't cross again until sometime after dark.
我为自己的冒犯道歉，并很快回到河上，划过一些我见过的最美丽的国家，并密切关注两岸，直到天黑后的某个时候我才会再次跨越这两条线。
By mid-July, I had become tight and fit.
到了七月中旬，我已经变得紧致、健康。
I looked like a young boxer, and I tried not to think about anything.
我看起来就像一个年轻的拳击手，我努力不去想任何事情。
Backing up to the loading dock late on those days with a trunk of empties, I was full of animal happiness.
那些天，我提着一箱空车回到装货码头，心里充满了动物般的快乐。
And I moved with the measured deliberation the full day had given me.
我带着一整天的沉思而行动。
When I bent to the metal fountain beside the dock, gulping the water, I could feel it bloom on my back and my chest and come out along my hairline.
当我弯腰走向码头旁的金属喷泉，大口喝水时，我能感觉到水在我的背上和胸前绽放，并沿着我的发际线流出来。
Around this time, a terrible thing happened in my phone correspondence with Linda Enright.
大约在这个时候，我与琳达·恩赖特的电话通信中发生了一件可怕的事情。
We stopped fighting.
我们停止了战斗。
We'd talk about her family.
我们会谈论她的家人。
The cookie business was taking off, but her father wouldn't let her take the car.
饼干生意正在蓬勃发展，但她父亲不让她开车。
He was stingy.
他很小气。
I told her about my deliveries, the heat.
我告诉她我的分娩情况和炎热的天气。
As I listened to us talk, I stood and wondered, "Who are these people?" The other me wanted to interrupt to ask, "Hey, didn't we have sex?
当我听着我们谈话时，我站着想：“这些人是谁？”另一个我想打断他问：“嘿，我们没有做爱吗？
I mean, was that sexual intercourse?
我的意思是，那是性交吗？
Isn't the world a little different for you now?" But I chatted with her.
现在的世界对你来说是不是有点不一样了？”但我和她聊了聊。
When the operator came on, I was crazy with Linda's indifference but unable to say anything but, "Take care.
当接线员接通时，我对琳达的冷漠感到疯狂，但除了“保重”之外什么也说不出来。
I'll call."
我去打电话。”
Meanwhile, the summer assumed a regularity that was nothing but comfort.
与此同时，夏天呈现出一种规律性，除了舒适之外什么也没有。
I drove my routes.
我驾驶我的路线。
I was used to sitting with Gil Benson and hearing his stories, pocketing the Oreos secretly to throw them from the truck later.
我习惯了和吉尔·本森坐在一起听他的故事，偷偷把奥利奥装进口袋，稍后再从卡车上扔掉。
I was used to Elizabeth Rensdale showing me her white breasts, posturing by the pool whenever she knew I was upstairs with her father.
我习惯了伊丽莎白·伦斯代尔向我展示她白色的乳房，每当她知道我和她父亲在楼上时，她就会在泳池边摆出姿势。
Driving the valley those long summer days, each window of the truck a furnace, listening to "Paperback Writer" and "Last Train to Clarksville," I delivered oxygen to the paralyzed and dying.
在漫长的夏日里，我开车穿过山谷，卡车的每个窗户都是一个火炉，听着《平装本作家》和《开往克拉克斯维尔的末班车》，我为瘫痪和垂死的人输送氧气。
And I felt so alive and on edge at every moment that I could've burst.
我每时每刻都感觉自己充满活力，紧张得要爆炸。
I liked the truck, hopping up, unloading the hot cylinders at each address, and then driving to the next stop.
我喜欢这辆卡车，它跳起来，在每个地址卸下热气瓶，然后开往下一站。
I knew what I was doing and wanted no more.
我知道自己在做什么，不再想要更多。
Rain broke the summer.
一场雨打破了夏天。
The second week in August, I woke to the first clouds in 90 days.
八月的第二周，我醒来时看到了 90 天内的第一朵云。
They massed and thickened.
它们聚集并变厚。
And by the time I left Sun City, it had begun, a crashing downpour.
当我离开太阳城时，天开始下倾盆大雨。
I didn't want to be late at the Rensdales.
我不想在伦斯代尔酒店迟到。
I was wiping down the tank in the covered entry when Elizabeth opened the door and disappeared back into the dark house.
当伊丽莎白打开门并消失在黑暗的房子里时，我正在擦拭有遮盖的入口处的水箱。
I was wet from the warm rain, and coming into the air-conditioned house ran a chill along my sides.
我被温暖的雨淋湿了，一进空调房就感到一阵寒意。
When my eyes adjusted and I started backing up the stairway with a new cylinder, I saw Elizabeth sitting on the couch in the den, her knees together up under her chin, watching me.
当我的眼睛适应了，我开始用一个新的圆筒倒退楼梯时，我看到伊丽莎白坐在书房的沙发上，她的膝盖并拢在下巴下面，看着我。
She was looking right at me.
她正看着我。
"This is the worst summer of my entire life," she said.
“这是我一生中最糟糕的夏天，”她说。
"Sorry?" I said, coming down a step, "What'd you say?"
“对不起？”我下了台阶，问道：“你说什么？”
"David, is that you?" Mr. Rensdale called from his room.
“大卫，是你吗？”伦斯代尔先生从他的房间打来电话。
His voice was a ghost.
他的声音如同幽灵。
I liked him very much, and it had become clear over the summer that he was not going back to Pennsylvania.
我非常喜欢他，整个夏天我都清楚地知道他不会再回到宾夕法尼亚州了。
Elizabeth Rensdale whispered across the room to me, "I don't want to be here." She closed her eyes and rocked her head.
伊丽莎白·伦斯代尔（Elizabeth Rensdale）在房间的另一边低声对我说：“我不想待在这里。”她闭上眼睛，摇摇头。
I stood the cylinder on the dolly and went over to her.
我把圆筒放在小车上，走到她身边。
I didn't like leaving it there on the carpet.
我不喜欢把它留在地毯上。
She was sitting in her underpants on the couch.
她穿着内裤坐在沙发上。
"Oh," I said, trying to make it simply a placeholder, let her know I'd heard her.
“哦，”我说，试图让它只是一个占位符，让她知道我听到了她的声音。
She put her face in her hands and lay over on the couch.
她双手捂住脸，躺在沙发上。
I dropped to a knee, and putting my hand on her shoulder, I said, "What can I do?"
我跪下来，把手放在她的肩膀上，我说：“我能做什么？”
This was the secret side that I had suspected from this summer.
这就是我今年夏天所怀疑的隐秘的一面。
Elizabeth Rensdale put her hand on mine and turned her face to mine so slowly that I felt my heart drop a gear, grinding now heavily uphill in my chest.
伊丽莎白·伦斯代尔把手放在我的手上，然后把脸转向我的脸，速度如此之慢，我感觉我的心掉了下来，现在在我的胸口里沉重地磨动着。
Mr. Rensdale called my name again.
伦斯代尔先生又叫了我的名字。
Elizabeth's face on mine, so close and open, made it possible for me to move my hand around her back and pull her to me.
伊丽莎白的脸贴在我的脸上，如此亲密又开放，让我可以用手环住她的背，把她拉向我。
It was like I knew what I was doing.
就好像我知道自己在做什么。
I didn't take my eyes from hers when she rolled onto her back and guided me onto her.
当她翻身仰面引导我走向她时，我的目光始终没有从她身上移开。
I wish I could get this right here, but there was no chance.
我希望我能在这里得到这个，但没有机会。
We stayed together for a moment afterward, and my eyes opened and focused.
之后我们在一起呆了一会儿，我的眼睛睁开了，焦点集中了。
She was still looking at me, holding me.
她仍然看着我，抱着我。
And her look was simply serious.
而且她的表情简直就是严肃。
Her father called, "David?" from upstairs again, and I realize he must have been calling steadily.
她父亲喊道：“大卫？”楼上又传来了声音，我意识到他肯定一直在不停地打电话。
Mr. Rensdale lay white and twisted in the bed.
伦斯代尔先生躺在床上，脸色苍白，扭曲着。
He looked the way the dying look, his face parched and sunken, the mouth a dry orifice, his eyes little spots of water.
他看上去就像临死前的样子，脸干瘪凹陷，嘴巴干燥，眼睛里有小点水渍。
I saw him acknowledge me with a withering look, more power than you'd think could rise from such a body.
我看到他用一种令人沮丧的表情来迎接我，这样的身体所能产生的力量超乎你的想象。
And I moved in the room deliberate with shame, avoiding his eyes.
我羞愧地走进房间，避开他的目光。
He rolled his hand in a little flip toward the bed table and his glass of water.
他将手轻轻一翻转，朝床头柜和他的水杯方向滚动。
Who knows what happened in me then?
谁知道我当时发生了什么？
Because I stood in the little bedroom with Mr. Rensdale, and then I just rolled the dolly and the expired tank out and down the stairs.
因为我和伦斯代尔先生一起站在小卧室里，然后我就把小车和过期的水箱推了出去，下了楼梯。
I didn't go to him.
我没有去找他。
I didn't hand him the glass of water.
我没有递给他一杯水。
I burned.
我烧了。
Who would ever know what I have done?
谁会知道我做了什么？
Sand Wash is way out in the Utah desert.
沙洗在犹他州沙漠中很遥远。
You drive two and a half hours on a dirt road.
你在土路上开了两个半小时。
And when you get there, it's a big canyon, a dry wash cutting down through shale stone badlands, and emptying into the Green River.
当你到达那里时，你会发现这是一个大峡谷，干涸的河水冲刷着页岩荒地，流入格林河。
The river at this point is slow and flat, the color of coffee with milk, and just about as warm.
此时的河水缓慢而平坦，呈咖啡加牛奶的颜色，而且也差不多温暖。
If you stand by the river, you might see a Great Blue Heron, a pair of Golden Eagles, a beaver, an otter.
如果你站在河边，你可能会看到一只大蓝鹭、一对金雕、一只海狸、一只水獭。
The river is a thin, snake-like oasis.
这条河是一片细长、蛇状的绿洲。
But if you turn away from the water and look back up at the cliffs and barren plateaus, you might think you're now living on a dry, god-forsaken planet.
但如果你转身离开水面，回头看看悬崖和贫瘠的高原，你可能会认为自己现在生活在一个干燥的、被上帝遗弃的星球上。
It's just the Utah desert, close to where Rubin Farr buried his cat.
这只是犹他州的沙漠，靠近鲁宾法尔埋葬他的猫的地方。
Close to nowhere.
几乎无处可去。
This desert is controlled by the Bureau of Land Management.
这片沙漠由土地管理局控制。
They manage the grazing permits, and they give out 10,000 floating permits every year to people who want to make the six- or seven-day trip down through Desolation Canyon.
他们负责管理放牧许可证，每年向想要穿越荒凉峡谷进行六七天旅行的人们发放 10,000 个浮动许可证。
There's a BLM ranger stationed there, where you put your boat in the water.
那里有一名 BLM 护林员，您可以将船放入水中。
Her name is Michelle Sturm.
她的名字叫米歇尔·斯特姆。
She's six feet tall and carries a clipboard.
她身高六英尺，拿着写字板。
She checks your permit, checks your equipment-- first aid kit, extra paddles, life jacket.
她检查你的许可证，检查你的装备——急救箱、备用桨、救生衣。
She jokes around, doesn't give you a hard time.
她会开玩笑，不会让你难受。
And it's easy to see she's not from around here, that she's on some kind of leave of absence, hiding out in the wilderness.
很容易看出她不是这里的人，她正在休假，躲在荒野里。
I came off of working with homeless for two and a half years-- mentally ill adults and single males and hungry people and low income families in downtown San Jose, California, and was really just tired and not enough joy in my life.
我在加利福尼亚州圣何塞市中心与无家可归者一起工作了两年半，其中包括患有精神疾病的成年人、单身男性、饥饿的人和低收入家庭，我真的很累，生活中没有足够的乐趣。
I wanted to be in the middle of nowhere.
我想去一个偏僻的地方。
So the first night I was at Sand Wash, I really felt at home and comfortable, and this was the right place.
所以我在 Sand Wash 的第一个晚上，我真的感觉宾至如归、舒适，这就是正确的地方。
And the light and the wind-- the factors that are really important and have bearing on your life are real significant factors, things you have absolutely no control over.
还有光和风——那些真正重要的、对你的生活有影响的因素，是真正重要的因素，是你绝对无法控制的。
And you can write by the moon at night.
晚上还可以在月光下写作。
At night, these loud-- I don't know what they are-- sort of airplane-type bugs.
晚上，这些响亮的声音——我不知道它们是什么——是飞机类型的虫子。
But I don't think they're dragonflies, but something else just comes zooming in and zooming by the bedroom window and checking things out.
但我不认为它们是蜻蜓，而是有其他东西在卧室窗户附近放大、放大，检查东西。
And the bats are really fun.
蝙蝠真的很有趣。
They come really close.
他们非常接近。
And I hear boaters.
我听到划船的声音。
And I hear people coming down the gravel road, and that's always a little apprehensive, as I don't know what they want.
我听到人们沿着碎石路走来，这总是有点担心，因为我不知道他们想要什么。
Are you going to go back to working with homeless people?
你会回去帮助无家可归的人吗？
I don't think so.
我不这么认为。
I don't think so.
我不这么认为。
I think you need to have a strong faith and religious belief to do that kind of work.
我认为你需要有坚定的信仰和宗教信仰才能从事这种工作。
And I think I tend to see it more as a political situation rather than a religious situation.
我认为我更倾向于将其视为政治局势而不是宗教局势。
And so it just really produces more anger than saintliness or something.
所以它确实比圣洁之类的东西产生更多的愤怒。
What are you upset about?
你在生气什么？
What bothers--
有什么烦恼——
Well, the thing that bothers you is that you and everyone you're working with is doing as much as you possibly can.
好吧，让你烦恼的是你和与你一起工作的每个人都在尽你所能。
And yet, you can't do enough.
然而，您做得还不够。
And someone else has asked you for something else, and you can't do it.
而别人向你要了别的东西，而你却做不到。
And you learn to have to say no.
你学会了必须说不。
That's a pretty dismal way to operate.
这是一种相当惨淡的运作方式。
You don't want to have to operate always feeling your boundaries, and if I just keep stretching and stretching, I'm going to break, and so I have to protect myself so I don't break.
你不想在操作时总是感觉自己的界限，如果我只是不断地伸展，我就会崩溃，所以我必须保护自己，这样我才不会崩溃。
And then I let all these people down.
然后我让所有这些人失望了。
You see?
你看？
What you see are shadows in the moonlight, the mouth of the canyon, the eerie shapes of red rock walls, the figure of a tall woman walking home to bed.
你看到的是月光下的阴影、峡谷的入口、形状怪异的红色岩壁、一个高个子女人走回家睡觉的身影。
Scott Carrier on the Green River in Utah.
斯科特·卡里尔 (Scott Carrier) 在犹他州格林河上。
Coming up, finding a dead body and not finding one.
上来了，发现了一具尸体，却没有找到。
In a minute, when our program continues.
一分钟后，我们的节目继续进行。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of stories on that theme.
当然，我们每周的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种故事。
Today's show, The Promise of Summer.
今天的节目是《夏天的约定》。
And rather than bring you a big bunch of stories this hour, we're interlacing two stories throughout the hour.
我们这一小时不会给您带来一大堆故事，而是在整个小时内交织两个故事。
One from Scott Carrier traveling down the Green River in Utah.
斯科特·卡里尔（Scott Carrier）拍摄的一张照片沿着犹他州格林河顺流而下。
One from Ron Carlson, a short story called "Oxygen" from his new book of stories, Hotel Eden.
罗恩·卡尔森（Ron Carlson）的一篇短篇小说《氧气》来自他的新故事书《伊甸园酒店》。
Before we get back to this story is a quick warning to listeners that Ron Carlson's story contains adult situations.
在我们回到这个故事之前，先向听众发出一个快速警告，罗恩·卡尔森的故事包含成人场景。
No explicit language, but adult situations that might not be right for every listener.
没有明确的语言，但成人情境可能并不适合每个听众。
So the last month of that summer, I began seeing Elisabeth Rensdale every day.
所以那个夏天的最后一个月，我开始每天见到伊丽莎白·伦斯代尔。
I told my parents I was at the library because I wanted it to sound like a lie and have them know it was a lie.
我告诉父母我在图书馆是因为我想让这听起来像一个谎言，并让他们知道这是一个谎言。
I came in after midnight.
我是半夜过后才进来的。
The library closed at 9:00.
图书馆于 9:00 关门。
Elizabeth and I were hardy and focused lovers.
伊丽莎白和我是坚韧而专注的恋人。
Knowing we had two hours, we used every minute of it, and we became experts at each other.
我们知道我们只有两个小时，所以我们利用了每一分钟，并且成为了彼此的专家。
We never went out for a Coke.
我们从来没有出去喝过可乐。
We never took a break for a glass of water.
我们从来没有休息过喝一杯水。
We rarely spoke.
我们很少说话。
There was admiration and curiosity in my touch and affection and gratitude in hers, or so I assumed.
我的触摸中充满了钦佩和好奇，她的触摸中充满了爱意和感激，至少我是这么认为的。
And I was pleased, even proud, at the time that there was so little need to speak.
当时我很高兴，甚至自豪，因为几乎不需要说话。
Meanwhile, Gil Benson had begun clinging to me worse than ever, and those prolonged visits were full of agony and desperation.
与此同时，吉尔·本森开始比以往任何时候都更加依附于我，那些长时间的拜访充满了痛苦和绝望。
I had never had such a thing happen before.
我以前从未发生过这样的事情。
And until it did, I thought of myself as a compassionate person.
在那之前，我认为自己是一个富有同情心的人。
I watch myself arrive at his terrible house and wheel the tank toward the door, and I search myself for compassion, the smallest shred of fellow feeling, kindness, affection, pity.
我看着自己到达他那可怕的房子，推着坦克朝门口走去，我在自己身上寻找同情心，一丝丝同胞的感觉、仁慈、喜爱和怜悯。
But all I found was repulsion, impatience.
但我发现的只是排斥和不耐烦。
Give me the truck keys and a job to do.
给我卡车钥匙和一份工作要做。
I had no compassion for Gil Benson.
我对吉尔·本森没有同情心。
The Sunday before Labor Day, I didn't call Linda Enright.
劳动节前的那个周日，我没有给琳达·恩赖特打电话。
In each minute of the day, Linda Enright was in my mind.
一天中的每一分钟，琳达·恩赖特都在我的脑海里。
I saw her there in her green sweater by her father's rolltop.
我看到她穿着绿色毛衣，站在她父亲的卷边上。
We always talked about what we were wearing, and she always said the green sweater, saying it innocently, as if wearing the sweater that I'd helped pull over her head that night was of little note, a coincidence, and not the most important thing that she'd say in the whole $8 call.
我们总是谈论我们穿的衣服，而她总是说那件绿色毛衣，天真地说道，就好像那天晚上我帮她从头上拉过的那件毛衣没什么值得注意的，一个巧合，而不是她在整个 8 美元电话中所说的最重要的事情。
And I'd say, just Levi's and a t-shirt, hoping she'd imagine the belt, the buckle, the trouble it could all be in the dark.
我会说，只要李维斯和一件 T 恤，希望她能想象皮带、带扣，以及在黑暗中可能带来的麻烦。
I saw her sitting in the afternoon shadow, maybe writing some notes in her calendar or reading, and right over there, the telephone.
我看到她坐在午后的阴影中，也许在日历上写了一些笔记或在读书，就在那里，电话。
I could get up and hit the phone booth in less than 10 minutes and make that phone ring, have her reach for it.
我可以在不到 10 分钟内起身去电话亭，让电话铃响，让她伸手去接。
But I didn't.
但我没有。
I'll let her sit there until the last sunlight rocked through the den, broke, and disappeared.
我会让她坐在那里，直到最后一丝阳光穿过巢穴，破裂，消失。
The last day of my job in the summer of 1967, I thought-- and this is the truth-- I thought for the first time of what I was going to say last to Elizabeth Rensdale.
1967 年夏天，我工作的最后一天，我想——这就是事实——我第一次想到了我最后要对伊丽莎白·伦斯代尔说的话。
I tried to imagine it, and my imagination failed.
我试图想象它，但我的想象力失败了。
When I climbed from her bed the nights I'd gone to her, it was just that-- climbing out, dressing, and crossing to the door.
当我去找她的那几个晚上，当我从她的床上爬起来时，就是这样——爬出去，穿好衣服，然后走到门口。
She didn't get up.
她没有起来。
This wasn't Casablanca or High Noon or Captain Blood .
这不是《卡萨布兰卡》、《正午》或《血腥队长》。
This was getting laid in a hot summer desert town by your father's oxygen delivery man.
这是你父亲的氧气输送员在炎热的夏季沙漠小镇产下的。
There was no way to make it anything else.
没有办法做任何其他事情。
Some of my customers knew I was leaving and made kind remarks or shook my hand or had their wife hand me an envelope with a twenty in it.
我的一些顾客知道我要离开，并对我说了善意的话，或者与我握手，或者让他们的妻子递给我一个里面有 20 美元的信封。
I smiled and nodded gratefully, and then turned, business-like, to the dolly and left.
我微笑着感激地点点头，然后一本正经地转向小车离开了。
These were strange goodbyes because there was no question that we would ever see each other again.
这是一次奇怪的告别，因为毫无疑问我们会再次见面。
It had been a summer, and I had been their oxygen guy.
那是一个夏天，我是他们的氧气员。
But there was more.
但还有更多。
I was young and they were ill.
我还年轻，他们都病了。
I stood in the bedroom doors in Sun City and said, take care.
我站在太阳城的卧室门口说，保重。
And I moved to the truck and felt something, but I couldn't even today tell you what it was.
我走到卡车上，感觉到了一些东西，但我什至今天都无法告诉你那是什么。
To the people who didn't know, who said, "See you next week, David," I didn't correct them.
对于那些不知道的人，他们说：“大卫，下周见。”我没有纠正他们。
I said, "See you," and I left their homes too.
我说：“再见。”然后我也离开了他们的家。
It all had me on edge.
这一切都让我感到紧张。
The rain moved in for the day, persistent and even, and the temperature stalled and hovered at about 100.
当天阴雨绵绵，持续不断，气温也稳定在100度左右。
I thought Gil would be pleased to see me so soon in the day.
我以为吉尔会很高兴这么快见到我。
But I surprised him, knocking at the door for five full minutes before he unlocked it, looking scared.
但我让他大吃一惊，我敲了门整整五分钟，他才打开门，看上去很害怕。
Though I had told him I would eventually be going back to college, I hadn't told him this was my last day.
虽然我告诉他我最终会回到大学，但我没有告诉他这是我的最后一天。
There was no chatter right off the bat, no sitting down at the table.
没有立即闲聊，也没有坐在桌子旁。
He just moved things out of the way as I wheeled the oxygen in and changed tanks.
当我将氧气推入并更换氧气瓶时，他只是将东西移开。
He stood to one side, leaning against the counter.
他站在一边，靠在柜台上。
When I finished, he made no move to keep me there, so I just kept going.
当我完成后，他没有采取任何行动让我留在那里，所以我继续前进。
At the front door, I said, "There you go.
在前门，我说：“你走吧。
Good luck, Gil."
祝你好运，吉尔。”
His name quickened him, and he came after me with short steps in his slippers.
他的名字使他加快了脚步，穿着拖鞋小步追赶我。
"Well, yes," he started as always.
“嗯，是的，”他一如既往地说道。
"I wouldn't need this stuff at all if I'd stayed out of the war." And he was off and cranking.
“如果我不参与战争，我根本就不需要这些东西。”然后他就出发了。
But when I went outside, he followed me into the rain.
但当我出去的时候，他就跟着我走进了雨里。
"You've got to go," I told him.
“你必须走了，”我告诉他。
"It's wet out here."
“这里很湿。”
His wet skin in the light looked raw, the spots on his forehead brown and liquid.
他潮湿的皮肤在灯光下看起来很粗糙，额头上有褐色的斑点，呈液体状。
Under his eyes, the skin was purple.
他的眼睛下面，皮肤呈紫色。
I'd let him get too close to the truck, and he grabbed the door handle.
我让他离卡车太近，他抓住了门把手。
"I wasn't sick a day in my life," he said.
“我一生中没有一天生病过，”他说。
"Ask my wife."
“问我老婆吧。”
I put my hand on his on the door handle, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to pry it off without breaking it.
我把手放在他的门把手上，我知道我不可能在不弄坏它的情况下撬开它。
Gil Benson pulled the truck door open and with surprising dexterity, he stepped up into the vehicle, sitting on all my paperwork.
吉尔·本森拉开卡车门，以令人惊讶的灵巧，他走进车里，坐在我所有的文件上。
I looked at Gil, shrunken and purple in the darkness of the cab.
我看着吉尔，在驾驶室的黑暗中，他显得瘦小，脸色发紫。
He looked like the victim of a fire.
他看起来就像一场火灾的受害者。
"Gil," I said.
“吉尔，”我说。
"I'm late." I looked at him, but he did not look at me.
“我来晚了。”我看着他，但他没有看我。
He sat still, his eyes timid, frightened, smug.
他一动不动地坐着，眼神胆怯、害怕、得意。
It was an expression you use when you want someone to hit you.
这是当你希望有人打你时使用的表达方式。
I started the truck, hoping that would scare him, but he did not move.
我启动了卡车，希望这会吓到他，但他没有动。
His eyes were still floating, and it looked like he was grinning, but it wasn't a grin.
他的眼神依然飘忽不定，看上去像是在笑，但又不是笑。
I kicked my door open and jumped down into the red mud and went around the front of the truck.
我踢开车门，跳进红泥里，绕过卡车前部。
When I opened his door, he did not turn or look at me, which was fine with me.
当我打开他的门时，他没有转身或看我，这对我来说很好。
I lifted Gil like a bride, and he clutched me, his face wet against my face.
我像新娘一样举起吉尔，他抓住了我，他的脸湿漉漉地贴在我的脸上。
I carried him to the front door.
我把他抱到前门。
He was light and bony like an old bird.
他身体轻盈，瘦骨嶙峋，就像一只老鸟。
And I was strong, and I felt strong, but I could tell this was an insult the old man didn't need.
我很坚强，我感觉很坚强，但我看得出来，这是老人不需要的侮辱。
When I stood him there, he would not let go, his hands clasped around my neck.
当我把他站在那里时，他不肯放手，双手搂着我的脖子。
And I peeled his hands apart carefully, easily, and I folded them back toward him so he wouldn't snag me again.
我小心翼翼地、轻松地分开他的双手，然后将它们折回到他身上，这样他就不会再抓住我了。
"Goodbye, Gil," I said.
“再见，吉尔，”我说。
He was an old man alone in the desert.
他是一位独自在沙漠中的老人。
He did not acknowledge me.
他没有承认我。
It happened in Desolation Canyon, a wilderness, a place of natural forces.
事情发生在荒凉峡谷，一片荒野，一片自然力量之地。
But there was nothing about the river except a few easily negotiated rapids, nothing about the weather except a strong gust of wind at sunset, and nothing about the night, except the pulses of some distant heat lightning.
但除了几条容易通过的急流，河流什么也没有；除了日落时的一阵强风之外，天气什么也没有；除了远处一些热闪电的脉冲之外，夜晚什么也没有。
There was nothing to explain the blue plastic ground cloth rolled around the body of a small, 16-year-old boy.
没有什么可以解释蓝色塑料地布卷在一个 16 岁小男孩身上的情况。
This plastic, set on the floor of a rubber raft, the raft pulled up on a beach below a dirt road where the airplane would land, the young friend of the boy asleep on the sand, bleached blond hair, necklace, smooth, tense skin.
这种塑料制品放在橡皮筏的地板上，橡皮筏停在飞机降落的土路下面的海滩上，男孩的年轻朋友睡在沙滩上，漂白的金发，项链，光滑而紧张的皮肤。
A child.
一个孩子。
This man, an instructor, who came to fly the body out of the canyon.
这个人，是一名教官，是来将尸体飞出峡谷的。
The boy who died was a 16-year-old student.
死亡男孩是一名16岁的学生。
And he died yesterday, on the seventh day of the course.
昨天，也就是课程的第七天，他去世了。
He was discovered by a fellow student at his campsite at about 10:50 PM with no apparent pulse or breathing.
晚上 10 点 50 分左右，一名同学在营地发现了他，当时他没有明显的脉搏或呼吸。
And cardiopulmonary resuscitation was performed for 44 minutes.
并进行了44分钟的心肺复苏。
As far as you know, the death didn't have anything to do with the river or being on the river.
据你所知，死亡与这条河或在河上没有任何关系。
Do you have any ideas of what was the cause?
您知道原因是什么吗？
At this point, no, I don't.
在这一点上，不，我不。
I'm sure that the coroner's report will tell us what it was, but I can't say.
我确信验尸官的报告会告诉我们那是什么，但我不能说。
I couldn't speculate.
我无法推测。
What's it like?
它是什么样的？
What's it-- I don't know how to ask that question, but what's it like when one of your students dies?
这是怎么回事——我不知道如何问这个问题，但是当你的一名学生去世时，感觉如何？
Traumatic, heartrending, for not only the instructors but fellow students.
不仅对老师，而且对同学们来说，这是一种创伤，令人心碎。
It's been a difficult 24 hours.
这是艰难的24小时。
It'll continue to be so.
今后也会继续如此。
You know, a river has its own space and time.
要知道，河流有自己的空间和时间。
Earth dissolves into water, water into air.
土溶入水，水溶入空气。
And death is like a river.
而死亡就像一条河。
You stand next to it, and all the words fall out of your head.
你站在它旁边，所有的话语都从你的脑海中浮现出来。
I radioed Nadine that the rain had slowed me up, and I wouldn't make it back before 5:00.
我通过无线电告诉纳丁，雨让我的速度减慢了，我不会在 5:00 之前回来。
"No problem, sonny boy," she said.
“没问题，儿子，”她说。
"Over."
“超过。”
"I'll hit the Rensdales and on in.
“我会去伦斯代尔并继续前进。
Over."
结束了。”
"Sonny boy," she said.
“儿子，”她说。
"Just pick up there.
“就到那儿去接吧。
Mr. Rensdale died yesterday.
伦斯代尔先生昨天去世了。
Remember the portable unit, OK?
还记得便携式设备吗？
And good luck at school.
祝你在学校一切顺利。
Stop in if you're down for Christmas break.
如果你在圣诞节假期期间停下来。
Over."
结束了。”
I waited a minute to over and out to Nadine while the news subsided in me.
我等了一会儿才走到纳丁身边，直到这个消息在我心里平静下来。
It was on Scottsdale Road at Camelback where I turned right.
我在驼峰的斯科茨代尔路右转。
That corner will always be that radio call.
那个角落永远是那个无线电呼叫。
"Copy.
“复制。
Over," I said.
结束了，”我说。
In front of the Rensdale's townhouse, I felt odd going to the door with the empty dolly.
在伦斯代尔联排别墅前，我推着空车走向门口，感觉很奇怪。
I rang the bell, and after a moment, Elizabeth appeared.
我按响了门铃，过了一会儿，伊丽莎白出现了。
She was barefoot in jeans and a t-shirt, and she looked at me.
她赤着脚，穿着牛仔裤和T恤，看着我。
"I'm sorry about your father," I said.
“我对你父亲的事感到抱歉，”我说。
"This is tough."
“这很难。”
She stared at me, and I held the gaze.
她凝视着我，我也凝视着她。
"I mean it.
“我是说真的。
I'm sorry."
对不起。”
She drifted back into the house.
她飘然回到屋里。
I pulled the dolly up the stairs to Mr. Rensdales room.
我拉着小车上楼来到伦斯代尔先生的房间。
It'd been taken apart a little bit, the bed stripped, our gear all standing in the corner.
它被拆开了一点，床被拆掉了，我们的装备都放在角落里。
With Mr. Rensdale gone, you could see what the room was, just a little box in the desert.
伦斯代尔先生走了之后，你就可以看到这个房间是什么了，只是沙漠中的一个小盒子。
"I'm going back Friday." Elizabeth had come into the room.
“我周五就回去。”伊丽莎白走进了房间。
"I guess I'm going back to school."
“我想我要回学校了。”
"Good," I said.
“很好，”我说。
I didn't know what I was saying.
我不知道我在说什么。
I started to say something else, but she pointed at me.
我正要说什么，但她指着我。
"Don't come.
“别来。
Just do what you do, but don't come to the funeral.
做你该做的事，但不要参加葬礼。
You don't have to."
你不必这样做。”
"I want to," I said.
“我想要，”我说。
Her tone had hurt, made me mad.
她的语气很伤人，让我生气。
I walked to the bed and put my hands on her shoulders.
我走到床边，把手放在她的肩膀上。
"Don't." I bent and looked into her face.
“不。”我弯下腰，看着她的脸。
"Don't." I went to pull her toward me to kiss, and she leaned away sharply.
“不。”我走过去把她拉到我身边亲吻，她猛地靠开。
"Don't, David." But I followed her over onto the bed, and though she squirmed tight as a knot, I held her beside me, adjusting her, drawing her back against me.
“别这样，大卫。”但我跟着她走到床上，虽然她像结一样扭动得紧紧的，但我还是把她抱在我身边，调整她的姿势，把她拉回到我身边。
About a minute later, she said, "What are you doing?"
大约一分钟后，她问道：“你在做什么？”
"It's OK," I said.
“没关系，”我说。
Then she put her hand on my wrist, stopping it.
然后她把手放在我的手腕上，停止了。
"Don't," she said.
“不要，”她说。
"What are you doing?"
“你在干什么？”
"Elizabeth," I said, kissing at her nape.
“伊丽莎白，”我一边说，一边亲吻她的后颈。
She rose to an elbow and looked at me, her face rock hard, unfamiliar.
她抬起手肘看着我，脸色坚如磐石，显得陌生。
Our eyes were locked.
我们的目光被锁住了。
"Is this what you came for?" She lay back and thumbed off her pants.
“你就是为了这个而来的吗？”她向后躺下，用拇指脱掉裤子。
"Is it?"
“是吗？”
"Yes," I said.
“是的，”我说。
It was the truth, and there was pleasure in saying it.
这是事实，说出来让人很高兴。
"Then go ahead." She moved to the edge of the bed.
“那就继续吧。”她走到床边。
She didn't move when I pulled away, just lay there looking at me.
当我离开时，她没有动，只是躺在那里看着我。
I remember it as the moment in this life when I was farthest from any of my feelings.
我记得那是我一生中最远离自己感情的时刻。
I gathered the empty cylinder and the portable gear with the strangest thought.
我带着最奇怪的想法收集了空圆筒和便携式装备。
It's going to take me 20 years to figure out who I am now.
我需要20年的时间才能弄清楚我现在是谁。
I could feel Elizabeth Rensdale's hatred as I would feel it dozens of times a season for many years.
我能感受到伊丽莎白·伦斯代尔的仇恨，就像多年来我每季都会感受到数十次一样。
It's a kind of dread for me that has become a rudder and kept me out of other troubles.
这对我来说是一种恐惧，它已经成为我的舵，让我远离其他麻烦。
The next year at school, I used it to treat Linda Enright correctly, as a gentleman, and keep my distance.
第二年在学校，我用它作为绅士正确对待琳达·恩赖特，并保持距离。
I had the chance to win her back, and I did not take it.
我本来有机会赢回她，但我没有抓住。
I left for my junior year of college at Missoula three days later.
三天后，我离开米苏拉去读大学三年级。
The evening before my flight, my parents took me to dinner at a steakhouse on a mesa, a Western place where they cut your tie off if you wear one.
在我起飞的前一天晚上，我的父母带我去梅萨的一家牛排馆吃晚饭，这是一个西方地方，如果你打领带，他们就会剪掉你的领带。
My parents were proud of me, they said, working hard like this all summer away from my friends.
我的父母为我感到骄傲，他们说，整个夏天远离朋友，我都在努力工作。
I was changing, they said.
他们说，我正在改变。
And they could tell it was for the better.
他们可以看出这是为了更好。
Much, much later, I drove the dark streets.
很久很久以后，我开车穿过黑暗的街道。
The radio played a steady rotation of exactly the same songs heard today on every 50,000 watt station in this country.
收音机稳定地循环播放着今天在这个国家每个 50,000 瓦电台上听到的完全相同的歌曲。
Every fifth song was The Supremes.
每五首歌曲中就有一首是 The Supremes。
I knew where I was going.
我知道我要去哪里。
Beyond the bright, rough edge of the lights of Mesa, I drove until the pavement ended.
我越过梅萨明亮、粗糙的灯光边缘，一直开到人行道尽头。
And then I dropped onto the red clay roads and found Gil Benson's house.
然后我走上红土路，找到了吉尔·本森的房子。
I knocked and called for minutes.
我敲了敲门，打了几分钟电话。
Out back, I kicked through the debris and weeds until I found one of the back bedroom windows unlocked.
在后面，我踢掉了碎片和杂草，直到发现后卧室的一扇窗户没有锁。
And I slid it open and climbed inside.
我把门滑开，爬了进去。
In the stale heat, I knew immediately that the house was abandoned.
在闷热的天气里，我立刻知道这所房子被遗弃了。
I called Gil's name and picked my way carefully to the hall.
我叫了吉尔的名字，然后小心翼翼地走向大厅。
The lights did not work.
灯不亮。
I wasn't scared, but I was something else.
我并不害怕，但我是另外一回事。
Standing in that dark room where I had palmed old Oreos all summer long, I now had proof-- hard proof-- that I had lost Gil Benson.
站在那个黑暗的房间里，我整个夏天都拿着老奥利奥，我现在有证据——确凿的证据——我失去了吉尔·本森。
He hadn't made it back, and I couldn't wish him back.
他还没有回来，我也不希望他回来。
At home, my suitcases were packed.
回到家，我的行李箱已经收拾好了。
Some big thing was closing down in me.
一些重大的事情正在我体内关闭。
I had spent the summer as someone else, someone I knew I didn't care for, and I would be glad when he left town.
我以另一个人的身份度过了这个夏天，一个我知道我不关心的人，当他离开小镇时我会很高兴。
We would see each other from time to time, but I also knew he was no friend of mine.
我们偶尔会见面，但我也知道他不是我的朋友。
I eased along the empty roadways trying simply to gather what was left, to think.
我沿着空荡荡的道路缓缓前行，试图收集剩下的东西，思考。
But it was like trying to fold a big blanket alone.
但这就像试图独自折叠一条大毯子一样。
I kept having to start over.
我一直不得不重新开始。
The sun is going down, and three families are camped beside a trout stream in southern Utah.
太阳即将落山，三个家庭在犹他州南部的一条鳟鱼溪边露营。
The women are talking to each other by the picnic table.
妇女们正在野餐桌旁互相交谈。
The men are watching the children play in the water.
男人们正在看着孩子们在水里玩耍。
Two of the women are sisters.
其中两个女人是姐妹。
One has just had an affair with a man in Los Angeles.
一个人刚刚在洛杉矶与一名男子发生了关系。
On the phone, she swore to her sister that she would tell her husband and insist on a divorce.
在电话里，她向姐姐发誓，一定会告诉丈夫，坚持离婚。
But now, she's thinking she will not say anything ever about the affair and maybe wait a while on the divorce.
但现在，她认为自己不会对这件事说任何话，也许会再等一段时间离婚。
Her sister is swaying back and forth with a baby in her arms.
她的妹妹怀里抱着一个婴儿，来回摇晃。
This morning, the baby stuck her right hand in a cup of hot coffee and cried for hours.
今天早上，婴儿把右手放在一杯热咖啡里，哭了几个小时。
Now she's asleep, but her fingers have big, balloon-like blisters that will break and heal slowly, leaving long, white scars.
现在她睡着了，但她的手指上长了气球一样的大水泡，这些水泡会慢慢破裂并愈合，留下长长的白色疤痕。
The third woman is two days pregnant and thinking about taking a nap.
第三位女士怀孕两天，正在考虑小睡一会儿。
Of the men, one is trying to decide when would be the best time to drive into town and call his broker.
在这些人中，其中一人正在努力决定什么时候是开车进城并打电话给经纪人的最佳时机。
One is thinking about running up the mountain to smoke a joint and watch the sun go down.
一个人想着跑上山抽根烟，看太阳下山。
The other is looking at the water wondering if the fish might like a grasshopper.
另一个则看着水，想知道鱼是否喜欢蚱蜢。
The children are playing and fighting over a toy sailboat.
孩子们正在为一艘玩具帆船玩耍和争斗。
The three-year-old boy is soaking wet and nearly out of his mind with the possibilities.
这个三岁的男孩浑身湿透，几乎要失去理智了。
The five-year-old girl is standing on the bank, making up rules and shouting out orders and dropping lettuce and cheese from her sandwich.
这个五岁的女孩站在岸上，制定规则，大声喊出命令，并从三明治中扔掉生菜和奶酪。
There are little birds in the trees and big birds on the rock walls of the canyon-- red rock walls in the shadow of the afternoon sun.
树上有小鸟，峡谷的岩壁上有大鸟——午后阳光下的红色岩壁。
A dirt road comes around and down and crosses over the stream, and in the pool below the road, a pale snake slides silently into the water and swims to the other side, holding something rather large in its mouth.
一条土路绕来绕去，横过溪流，路下的水潭里，一条苍白的蛇无声无息地滑入水中，游到对岸，嘴里叼着一个相当大的东西。
There are three cars, all white, and there's an Indian-- or rather, the ghost of an Indian who lived and died in this spot-- sitting cross-legged on the hood of the station wagon.
三辆车，都是白色的，有一个印第安人——或者更确切地说，一个在这里生活和死去的印第安人的鬼魂——盘腿坐在旅行车的引擎盖上。
This is the beginning of a story.
这是一个故事的开始。
The story is about how the husband realizes his wife has been unfaithful.
这个故事讲述的是丈夫如何意识到妻子不忠。
And it's about how the Indian died and what the snake had in its mouth and how the two-day-old life inside the mother grows and is born and becomes a beautiful young woman who paints the poems of Rilke on the desert blacktop highway.
它讲述了印第安人是如何死亡的，蛇嘴里含着什么，以及母亲体内两天大的生命如何成长和诞生，并成为一个美丽的年轻女子，在沙漠柏油路公路上画出里尔克的诗。
The sun is going down, and three families are camped beside a trout stream in southern Utah.
太阳即将落山，三个家庭在犹他州南部的一条鳟鱼溪边露营。
This is the beginning of a story, but there isn't enough time to tell it.
这是一个故事的开始，但没有足够的时间来讲述它。
Scott Carrier, and Ron Carlson before him.
斯科特·卡里尔（Scott Carrier）和他之前的罗恩·卡尔森（Ron Carlson）。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。