576: Say Yes To Christmas - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #576 | December 20, 2019 576: Say Yes To Christmas Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 576 集 | 2019 年 12 月 20 日 576：对圣诞节说“是” 注意：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's a special Christmas edition of This American Life .
序言 Ira Glass 来自芝加哥 WBEZ，这是《This American Life》的圣诞特别版。
We have a bunch of things for you today, including later in the program, "Christmas on Fire." But let's just kick things off right now with a song recorded at an event we did onstage a few weeks ago.
今天我们为您准备了很多内容，包括节目后面的“燃烧的圣诞节”。但现在让我们以几周前我们在舞台上举办的一次活动中录制的歌曲开始吧。
(SINGING) On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a milking, seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.
（唱）圣诞节第十二天，我的真爱给了我十二个鼓手，十一个风笛手，十个跳跃的爵士，九个跳舞的女士，八个挤奶的女仆，七只游泳的天鹅，六只产蛋的鹅，五个金环，四只鸣鸟，三只法国母鸡，两只斑鸠，一只梨树上的鹧鸪。
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] I have always hated that song.
[观众笑]我一直讨厌那首歌。
I feel like that song is symbolic of everything that is bad about Christmas.
我觉得这首歌象征着圣诞节所有不好的事情。
I should say I have no bad feelings about Christmas.
我应该说我对圣诞节没有什么不好的感觉。
I am a noncombatant when it comes to Christmas.
说到圣诞节，我是一个非战斗人员。
I was onstage talking about this song because we had this idea that we thought might make a really fun thing to try for Christmas.
我在台上谈论这首歌是因为我们有一个想法，我们认为这可能会成为圣诞节尝试的一件非常有趣的事情。
And that is we organized a night of improv comedy.
这就是我们组织的即兴喜剧之夜。
And I know maybe you're saying, OK, how does that go together?
我知道你可能会说，好吧，这如何结合在一起？
Why improv comedy and Christmas?
为什么要即兴喜剧和圣诞节？
OK, well, this is going to take a little explaining.
好吧，这需要一些解释。
Stay with me.
留在我身边。
This British writer and performer named Daniel Kitson-- I saw him say this thing about Christmas that seems so true.
这位名叫丹尼尔·基特森（Daniel Kitson）的英国作家和表演者——我看到他谈到了关于圣诞节的这件事，这似乎是真的。
He says that when you're a kid and you wake up Christmas morning, what makes Christmas feel so magical is this feeling of, like, "Oh, my god.
他说，当你还是个孩子的时候，圣诞节早上醒来时，让圣诞节感觉如此神奇的是这种感觉，就像，“哦，天哪。
It's going to be amazing.
这将会是令人惊奇的。
The world is so full of possibility.
世界是如此充满可能性。
Anything can happen." The fact that Santa Claus even exists, this literally magical being who came to your home.
任何事情都可能发生。”事实上，圣诞老人甚至存在，这个神奇的人物来到了你的家。
And Kitson says this thrilled feeling that anything can happen, that is the thing that is so hard to hold onto once we become adults.
基特森说，这种任何事情都有可能发生的兴奋感，是我们成年后很难坚持的感觉。
And in fact, he says that so many adults at Christmas, they try to recreate the same Christmas year after year with the same everything over and over and over.
事实上，他说，很多成年人在圣诞节时，他们试图年复一年地重复同样的圣诞节，一遍又一遍地重复同样的事情。
It's like they lock in.
就像他们锁定了一样。
Christmas becomes the opposite of "anything can happen." That is why it never feels as magical to adults.
圣诞节成为“任何事情都可能发生”的反面。这就是为什么它对成年人来说从来没有那么神奇。
But it is possible to get back to that feeling.
但恢复那种感觉是可能的。
And, OK, back to the plan for today's show.
好吧，回到今天的节目计划。
One place that adults embrace that feeling that anything could happen and it's going to happen and then they make it happen is improv comedy, where, you know, they walk on stage with no idea what anybody is going to say.
成年人会抱有一种感觉，认为任何事情都可能发生并且将会发生，然后他们就会让它发生，这就是即兴喜剧，你知道，他们走上舞台，不知道任何人会说什么。
And then one person tries something.
然后一个人尝试某件事。
They say something.
他们说了些什么。
And then somebody else pitches in with a line of their own, and then somebody else pitches in.
然后其他人用自己的线路投入，然后其他人也投入。
And before you know it, they've made like a whole scene, a whole world, really.
在你意识到之前，他们已经创造了一个完整的场景，一个完整的世界，真的。
And so with that in mind, we got these incredible improv comedians, and we got a club to perform in, and we did a show.
因此，考虑到这一点，我们找到了这些令人难以置信的即兴喜剧演员，我们有一个可以表演的俱乐部，我们做了一场表演。
And we did the show in this particular style of improv, where the people on stage, they tell true stories about their lives.
我们以这种特殊的即兴表演风格进行了表演，舞台上的人们讲述了他们生活中的真实故事。
And then those stories, those true stories, become the basis of the improv scenes that they then invent.
然后这些故事，那些真实的故事，成为他们随后发明的即兴场景的基础。
And those scenes lead them to other true stories that then lead them into other improv scenes and so on and so on and so on.
这些场景将他们引向其他真实的故事，然后又将他们引向其他即兴场景，等等。
And I was there.
我也在场。
I kicked things off with a story about that song, about the song "The 12 Days of Christmas," which is a song that I noticed, even though-- just to say it again-- Christmas is not my day.
我以一个关于那首歌的故事开始，关于《圣诞节的 12 天》这首歌，这是我注意到的一首歌，尽管——只是再说一遍——圣诞节不是我的日子。
I am not somebody who celebrates Christmas at all.
我根本不是一个庆祝圣诞节的人。
I'm a Jew.
我是犹太人。
And I'm not that kind of Jew whose parents celebrated Christmas on Hanukkah.
我不是那种父母在光明节庆祝圣诞节的犹太人。
We were pure Hanukkah people, and we look down on the Christmas Hanukkah Jews.
我们是纯粹的光明节人，我们看不起圣诞节光明节的犹太人。
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] And in fact, I grew up in a suburb of Baltimore that was so Jewish, I didn't understand that we were in the minority.
[观众笑]事实上，我在巴尔的摩的郊区长大，那里的犹太人太多了，我不明白我们是少数派。
And so Christmas, I do nothing.
所以圣诞节，我什么也不做。
It means nothing to me.
这对我来说毫无意义。
The day means nothing.
日子没有任何意义。
And most years, I go to Vegas on Christmas.
大多数时候，我都会在圣诞节去维加斯。
But I do really love Christmas music.
但我真的很喜欢圣诞音乐。
I've always loved Christmas music.
我一直很喜欢圣诞音乐。
And at some point in my 20s, I started to make a collection of Christmas CDs and records.
在我 20 多岁的某个时候，我开始制作一系列圣诞 CD 和唱片。
And the worst song of all is the song "The 12 Days of Christmas." And whenever it comes on, I just think, like, why is this still in circulation?
其中最糟糕的歌曲是“The 12 Days of Christmas”。每当它出现时，我就会想，为什么它还在流通？
First of all, the words refer to a wife and a world that none of us can relate to or care about.
首先，这些词指的是我们任何人都无法联系或关心的妻子和世界。
"12 lords a leaping," like, what is-- what experience is that even referring to?
“十二君王一跃”，这到底是指什么经历？
And then swans are swimming, geese are laying.
然后天鹅在游泳，鹅在产蛋。
So are we in a warm climate, a cold climate?
那么我们所处的气候是温暖的还是寒冷的呢？
It just raises so many questions.
它只是提出了很多问题。
But also the form of the song is so intensely boring.
但这首歌的形式也非常无聊。
And you guys know what I'm talking about, where you do the first one, and then you go back and you do all the ones before it, which you already did.
你们知道我在说什么，你们在哪里做了第一个，然后你们回去做之前的所有事情，你们已经做了。
You know I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
So you do two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
所以你在一棵梨树上放了两只斑鸠和一只鹧鸪。
Then three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.
然后是三只法国母鸡、两只斑鸠和梨树上的一只鹧鸪。
Then four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
然后是四只鸣叫的鸟、三只法国母鸡、两只斑鸠和梨树上的一只鹧鸪。
Five golden rings, four calling birds.
五枚金环，四只鸣鸟。
And so like-- and so you know what's going to happen.
就像——所以你知道会发生什么。
It's repetitious in the most boring way, and then it's always sung very slowly, which is annoying.
它以最无聊的方式重复，然后总是唱得很慢，这很烦人。
And I don't know why it survived hundred of years to still be around.
我不知道为什么它能存活数百年仍然存在。
And my only thought is "five golden rings." "Five golden rings" is the hook of the song.
而我唯一的想法就是“五个金戒指”。 “五个金环”是这首歌的主旋律。
And you've sung the song, right?
你也唱过这首歌，对吧？
When you get to five golden rings, everybody breathes a sigh of relief.
当拿到五枚金戒指的时候，所有人都松了一口气。
It's like, (SINGING) five golden rings.
就像，（唱）五个金戒指。
And you just feel like, yeah!
你只是觉得，是啊！
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
It's like the drum solo.
就像鼓独奏一样。
That's the hook of the song.
这就是这首歌的魅力所在。
And without five golden rings, this song would be nothing.
而没有五枚金戒指，这首歌就什么都不是。
Okay, so at this point-- this is me back in the studio talking-- at this point, if I could just describe the stage.
好吧，现在——这是我回到录音室说话——此时，如果我能描述一下舞台的话。
Sitting on stools in a row, there are six improv comedians.
一排凳子上坐着六位即兴喜剧演员。
And we got some of the best people around for this kind of thing.
我们有一些最优秀的人才来做这类事情。
Seriously, we felt so lucky they agreed to be in the show.
说真的，我们觉得很幸运他们同意参加演出。
Aidy Bryant and Sasheer Zamata, they're both on Saturday Night Live .
艾迪·布莱恩特和萨希尔·扎马塔，他们都在周六夜现场。
Scott Adsit, he was on 30 Rock , and before that, he was in Second City.
Scott Adsit，他曾在《30 Rock》中，在此之前，他曾在《Second City》中。
So was Tammy Sagher.
塔米·萨格尔也是如此。
Chris Gethard and Mike Birbiglia, they've both been on our radio program before, Mike many, many times.
克里斯·格哈德（Chris Gethard）和迈克·比尔比利亚（Mike Birbiglia），他们以前都曾出现在我们的广播节目中，迈克，很多很多次。
They both have deep improv backgrounds.
他们都有深厚的即兴表演背景。
So six of them are sitting on the stage on these stools.
所以他们六个人坐在舞台上的这些凳子上。
And they listen to that first story that I told to kick things off.
他们听我讲的第一个故事来开始。
And Mike was the first one to stand up and speak.
迈克第一个站起来说话。
Wow.
哇。
Well, first of all I want to disagree with Ira about that song.
好吧，首先我想不同意艾拉关于这首歌的看法。
I think in some sense, it's sort of the "15 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" of Christmas carols.
我认为从某种意义上说，这有点像圣诞颂歌中的“墙上的 15 瓶啤酒”。
It's anthemic.
这是国歌。
It's repetitive.
这是重复的。
I think where the disconnect happens is that it's just British things.
我认为这种脱节的原因在于这只是英国的事情。
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] Woman What kind of American things would you put in there?
[观众笑] 女人 你会在里面放什么样的美国东西？
Like a bald eagle?
像秃鹰一样？
A bald eagle in a-- in a what, oak tree?
一只秃鹰在一棵什么橡树上？
Yeah.
是的。
Bald eagle in an oak tree.
橡树上的秃鹰。
Yeah, we just got to de-British the whole thing.
是的，我们必须把整个事情去英国化。
I think that's the problem.
我认为这就是问题所在。
We've been courting now for going on 10 months.
我们的恋爱已经持续了十个月了。
And--
还有——
Yes?
是吗？
Mike Birbiglia --I've been playing in my mind with what to get you for Christmas.
Mike Birbiglia——我一直在考虑送什么礼物给你。
Lord Mavermunch, I am sure that whatever you will bring me on Christmas will bring me much-- what?
马弗蒙奇勋爵，我相信无论你在圣诞节给我带来什么，都会给我带来很多——什么？
May I give it you now?
我现在可以给你吗？
Woman Oh!
女人哦！
Yes, but so soon before Christmas?
是的，但是圣诞节前这么快？
All right.
好的。
Lord Mavermunch Here you are-- five golden rings.
马弗蒙奇勋爵给你——五枚金戒指。
Oh.
哦。
Oh my goodness.
哦，我的天啊。
Lord Mavermunch But I've also brought you 23 birds.
马弗蒙奇勋爵 但我还给您带来了 23 只鸟。
Sorry?
对不起？
Lord Mavermunch 23 individual birds and 50 human people.
马弗蒙奇勋爵有 23 只鸟和 50 个人。
Guys, guys, guys.
伙计们，伙计们，伙计们。
Man We are the Christmas presents.
伙计，我们是圣诞礼物。
Do you like it?
你喜欢它？
Lady Haversquire I-- I love it.
哈弗斯奎尔夫人我——我喜欢它。
Um, Lord Mavermunch, um, if we could just go back for a moment to the five golden rings.
嗯，马弗蒙奇勋爵，嗯，如果我们能暂时回到五枚金戒指就好了。
Ah, yes.
啊，是的。
Lady Haversquire Yes.
哈弗斯奎尔夫人 是的。
Ah, so two questions.
啊，那么两个问题。
Question number one-- what is the difference between a gold ring and a golden ring?
问题一——金戒指和金戒指有什么区别？
Because one seems to imply that it merely has the color, yet none of the value.
因为似乎暗示它只有颜色，而没有任何价值。
Well, you've caught me there.
好吧，你已经抓住我了。
I'm afraid to say the pear tree cost rather more than I expected.
恐怕梨树的价格比我预期的要高。
Lord Mavermunch?
马弗蒙奇勋爵？
Lord Mavermunch Lady Haversquire?
马弗蒙奇勋爵哈弗斯奎尔夫人？
Do you remember when you first came courting?
你还记得第一次谈恋爱是什么时候吗？
Oh, yes.
哦是的。
My memory is intact.
我的记忆完好无损。
Lady Haversquire Was it?
哈弗斯奎尔夫人 是吗？
Because I distinctly remember telling you I don't like a turtle dove.
因为我清楚地记得告诉过你我不喜欢斑鸠。
I find roses played out.
我发现玫瑰已经花完了。
And quite frankly, lords a leaping I've seen enough.
坦白说，跳跃领主我已经看够了。
And yet that's all you seem to have brought.
然而这似乎就是你带来的一切。
We're so good!
我们太好了！
Watch this!
注意这个！
Hut, hut, hut!
小屋，小屋，小屋！
I'm going so high!
我要走这么高！
Lord Mavermunch Look, just--
马弗蒙奇勋爵 看，只是——
Do you know what they call you in the county?
你知道县里人们怎么称呼你吗？
I don't.
我不知道。
Lady Haversquire They call you Quantity over Quality.
哈弗斯奎尔女士 他们称你“数量胜于质量”。
Ira Glass I wonder if you guys actually have memories-- did any of you have to go caroling?
Ira Glass 我想知道你们是否真的有记忆——你们中有人必须去唱颂歌吗？
Or did you sing in--
或者你唱过——
I am also super Jewish.
我也是超级犹太人。
I'm Israeli Jewish.
我是以色列犹太人。
So the level of--
所以水平——
Oh, you totally out-Jew me.
哦，你完全不是犹太人。
Woman Yeah.
女人 是啊。
But I was in the Chicago Children's Choir.
但我是芝加哥儿童合唱团的成员。
And it was a little kids choir.
那是一个小孩子合唱团。
And the big thing that you do at Christmas is sing Christmas carols.
圣诞节最重要的事情就是唱圣诞颂歌。
So two things that I remember very well from Christmas choir was one was I got a solo that I got to do.
所以我在圣诞合唱团中记得很清楚的两件事是我必须做独奏。
Yeah.
是的。
And I screwed up, and that was horrifying.
我搞砸了，这太可怕了。
The other thing that just occurred to me now is-- so it was on the South Side of Chicago.
我现在刚刚想到的另一件事是——所以它是在芝加哥南区。
So it was pretty racially diverse, meaning I usually was the minority, not just as a Jew but as a white person, in choir.
所以它在种族上相当多样化，这意味着我通常是合唱团中的少数群体，不仅作为犹太人，而且作为白人。
And so we also did a lot of gospels, which is where I discovered that I can't clap.
所以我们也做了很多福音书，这就是我发现我不能鼓掌的地方。
And it became something that I would practice at home.
这成了我在家练习的事情。
Could I just have clarification, just as a fact-checking matter?
我能否澄清一下，就像核实事实一样？
You would practice clapping.
你会练习鼓掌。
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass To what?
艾拉·格拉斯 为了什么？
Like what would be the sound--
就像声音是什么——
Just radio.
只是收音机。
I would just turn on the radio, and I'd be like, [CLAPPING] I would just, like, try to clap on the beat.
我会打开收音机，然后我会说，[鼓掌]我会尝试根据节奏鼓掌。
Because if you don't know how to clap and you're in a choir clapping, it's terrifying.
因为如果你不知道如何鼓掌，而你却在唱诗班里鼓掌，那就太可怕了。
Bernice, I was watching you sing in the chorus.
伯妮斯，我在看你在合唱团唱歌。
Oh, wow.
哦，哇。
You saw me?
你看到我了吗？
Wow.
哇。
Man I see everything.
伙计，我看到了一切。
I'm Jesus.
我是耶稣。
Oh, wow-- this is-- this is so cool for me.
哦，哇——这对我来说太酷了。
This is huge.
这是巨大的。
Oh, my god.
我的天啊。
Thank you.
谢谢。
Thank you, Jesus.
谢谢你，耶稣。
You know I hear that all day?
你知道我整天都听到这个吗？
But it still means a lot when you say it.
但当你说出来的时候，它仍然意味着很多。
Aw, Jesus, you're so nice.
噢，耶稣，你真好。
Jesus I got to tell you.
天哪，我必须告诉你。
You really should not be singing.
你真的不应该唱歌。
[SINGING OFF-KEY] What do you mean?
[唱走调]你什么意思？
What do you mean by what you're saying?
你说的话是什么意思？
Well, I think-- Bernice What do you mean?
嗯，我想——伯妮斯 你什么意思？
Bernice, I-- Bernice Jesus, don't say that to me!
伯妮斯，我——伯妮斯耶稣，别对我这么说！
Bernice, I think you're answering your own question there.
伯妮斯，我想你正在回答你自己的问题。
You know, I'm the Holy Spirit.
你知道，我是圣灵。
And I just wanted to chime in.
我只是想插话。
I think Bernice has a really nice voice.
我认为伯妮斯的声音非常好听。
I--
我——
Dave, I told you not to come.
戴夫，我告诉过你不要来。
Holy Spirit All right.
圣灵 好吧。
Well, maybe it's because I'm singing, like, gorgeous God songs.
好吧，也许是因为我唱的是华丽的上帝之歌。
Maybe you want more of like a pop hit or something?
也许您想要更多流行音乐之类的东西？
No, what I'm saying is that you are singing from your heart, but your heart is not good enough.
不，我是说，你是发自内心地歌唱，但你的心不够好。
It really puts other people off, and it's pushing people away from me.
它确实让其他人望而却步，也让人们远离我。
I need people.
我需要人。
I need more people.
我需要更多的人。
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] Executive We cut to a television executive's office.
[观众笑] 主管 我们切到电视主管的办公室。
I got to say, we got this show, and the judges, they're too soft.
我不得不说，我们得到了这个节目，而评委们太软弱了。
And I think you're the exact kind of hard edge we need, Jesus.
我认为你正是我们所需要的锋芒毕露，耶稣。
Well, I appreciate the compliment.
嗯，我很欣赏你的赞美。
But I would be happy to do the job, but let me also warn you that when I bring judgment, that's the end of the world.
但我很乐意做这份工作，但我也警告你们，当我做出判断时，那就是世界末日。
Listen, that's the kind of ratings bonanza I've been looking for, OK?
听着，这就是我一直在寻找的收视率财富，好吗？
I'm in.
我进来了
Executive CeeLo, Aguilera, they softball it, Adam Levine.
执行官 CeeLo、阿奎莱拉、他们垒球、亚当·莱文。
They all feel bad.
他们都感觉很糟糕。
Nobody gives an honest opinion.
没有人给出诚实的意见。
I need somebody who's going to be harsh.
我需要一个严厉的人。
I need somebody who's going to be brutal, who's going to say, "This is exactly how I see it."
我需要一个残酷的人，他会说：“这正是我的看法。”
Don't talk to me about Adam Levine, man.
别跟我谈论亚当·莱文，伙计。
What do I gotta do to get you on my network?
我需要做什么才能让你加入我的网络？
I know money means nothing to you.
我知道钱对你来说毫无意义。
You're omnipotent.
你是无所不能的。
You know everything.
你什么都知道。
You have access to everything.
您可以访问一切。
What do I gotta do to get you on my airwaves?
我该怎么做才能让你出现在我的广播节目中？
I want you to live your life as I would live mine.
我希望你过你的生活，就像我过我的生活一样。
My Jewish brothers, welcome.
我的犹太兄弟，欢迎。
I call this meeting.
我召开这次会议。
You called this minion.
你叫了这个小兵。
Abraham Thank you for--
亚伯拉罕 谢谢你——
There's 10 of us.
我们有 10 个人。
I got to say there's 10 of us.
我得说我们有10个人。
Thank you for the correction, Jacob.
谢谢你的更正，雅各布。
I call this minion to discuss our grievances with Christmas as a holiday.
我打电话给这个小黄人，商量一下我们以圣诞节为节日的恩怨。
I know it's not our holiday.
我知道这不是我们的假期。
But I know that I have some concerns.
但我知道我有一些担忧。
Brother Abraham, I think you should adjust your level of Jew-y.
亚伯拉罕兄弟，我认为你应该调整一下你的犹太人水平。
It's a little high.
有点高了。
Oh!
哦！
Here it is.
这里是。
It's on my anklet here.
它在我的脚链上。
There we are.
我们到了。
Oh, well-- Comedian Well, I don't like it!
哦，好吧——喜剧演员好吧，我不喜欢它！
Okay, this is Ira in the studio.
好的，这是录音室里的艾拉。
I'm just going to stop the tape for a second just to make perfectly clear what's happening on stage right now.
我将把磁带暂停一秒钟，以便完全清楚地了解舞台上现在发生的事情。
OK, so the first comedian in the scene, Mike Birbiglia, he had some trouble with his Jewish accent, as you heard, and he was teased about it.
好吧，场景中的第一位喜剧演员迈克·比尔比利亚（Mike Birbiglia），正如你所听到的，他的犹太口音有些问题，他因此被嘲笑。
And then another comedian, Aidy Bryant, entered the scene.
然后另一位喜剧演员艾迪·布莱恩特也出现了。
And she has so much trouble coming up with a Jewish accent that at some point, that just becomes what the scene is about, is her discomfort at this awful accent, and the other performers kind of egging her on and also ribbing her about it very affectionately.
她很难说出犹太口音，以至于在某种程度上，这正是场景的主题，她对这种可怕的口音感到不舒服，而其他表演者则有点怂恿她，也非常亲切地取笑她。
OK, back to the scene.
好吧，回到现场。
Well-- Aidy Bryant Well, I don't like it!
嗯——艾迪·布莱恩特 嗯，我不喜欢它！
I don't like the holiday one bit.
我一点儿也不喜欢这个假期。
I want to welcome our brother from the Italian branch of Judaism.
我想欢迎我们来自犹太教意大利分支的兄弟。
Hey, what's the big deal?
嘿，有什么大不了的？
Abraham Thank you, Antonio, for bringing the 24 pizzas.
亚伯拉罕 谢谢你，安东尼奥，带来了 24 个披萨。
We hope everything's going well at the temple out in Bay Ridge.
我们希望 Bay Ridge 的寺庙一切顺利。
It truly is.
确实如此。
Please continue.
请继续。
I'll stay quiet, I promise, for the rest of the meeting.
我保证，在会议剩下的时间里我会保持安静。
Antonio, you guys have been getting sweat everywhere.
安东尼奥，你们到处都是汗。
Eh, my favorite thing about being Jewish is, of course, the sweet lasagna!
嗯，作为犹太人，我最喜欢的当然是甜烤宽面条！
And I want everyone to know that I'm trying my absolute hardest.
我希望每个人都知道我正在尽最大努力。
I feel we must move on.
我觉得我们必须继续前进。
Aidy Bryant I'm sorry.
艾迪·布莱恩特 对不起。
I'm sorry to all the cultures everywhere around the world.
我对世界各地的所有文化感到抱歉。
Fellas, fellas, fellas, get in here.
伙计们，伙计们，伙计们，进来吧。
Fellas, I'm working on--
伙计们，我正在努力——
I wanted to get the group back together for a Christmas song.
我想让乐队重新聚在一起唱一首圣诞歌曲。
And I was just thinking this one would be just "Five Golden Rings."
我只是想这只是“五枚金戒指”。
Jettison the other verses.
抛弃其他诗句。
Woman 1 Mm-hm.
女人 1 嗯嗯。
We hit five golden rings hard, right?
我们狠狠地打了五个金环吧？
We circle back.
我们绕回来。
You could do some scatting.
你可以做一些分散。
Oh, my god.
我的天啊。
Well, I'm in!
嗯，我进来了！
If you're going to finally let me do it, then doopity dop dop, yeah!
如果你最终要让我这么做，那就 doopity dop dop，是啊！
I just think we all need to accept the truth, which is that nobody likes the other verses.
我只是认为我们都需要接受事实，那就是没有人喜欢其他经文。
I don't no, Jord.
我不知道，乔德。
I feel like a lot of people are going to miss, like, calling birds.
我觉得很多人都会怀念鸟儿的叫声。
Yeah, or at least the nine ladies dancing.
是的，或者至少是九位跳舞的女士。
[SCATTING]
[散射]
I want to feed the geese.
我想喂鹅。
Man OK, we can do that.
好的，我们可以做到。
I just want to-- I just want to make sure you know they're an extremely vicious animal.
我只是想——我只是想确保你知道它们是一种极其凶恶的动物。
[HONKING LIKE A GOOSE] Woman Dad, I've seen geese before.
[像鹅一样鸣叫] 女人爸爸，我以前见过鹅。
They're, like, really cute, and--
他们真的很可爱，而且——
OK.
好的。
You know I'm a big believer in letting you learn your lessons.
你知道我非常相信让你吸取教训。
You always say that before, like, something really bad happens.
在发生非常糟糕的事情之前你总是这么说。
I mean, I just tried to warn you.
我的意思是，我只是想警告你。
They can be a really aggressive animal.
它们可能是一种非常具有攻击性的动物。
OK.
好的。
Man Go for broke, just remember what I told you.
伙计，破产吧，记住我告诉你的话。
Oh, my gosh.
哦，天哪。
Goose I'm sorry.
鹅 对不起。
I don't usually say that.
我一般不这么说。
But you are really gorgeous.
但你真的很漂亮。
Thanks.
谢谢。
Goose I mean, you're the kind of person that a goose would give up his whole life for.
鹅 我是说，你是那种鹅愿意为之放弃一生的人。
I mean, I could take you places.
我的意思是，我可以代替你。
I'm going way too fast.
我走得太快了。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
But you-- you're turning me around.
但你——你正在扭转我的局面。
[HONK] [GOOSE NOISES]
[喇叭] [鹅叫声]
Did you hear that?
你听到了吗？
Man Yeah, like I told you-- super aggressive.
伙计，是的，就像我告诉过你的——超级有攻击性。
Did you guys have this as a kid, where the joy of Christmas, when I look back on it, I think has a lot to do with no school.
你们小时候有没有这样的经历，圣诞节的快乐，当我回想起来，我想和没有上学有很大关系。
Oh, yes.
哦是的。
Man Just this idea of "Wait, there's a week where there's no school?"
男人只是这个想法“等等，有一个星期没有学校？”
It's so different when you don't celebrate Christmas.
当你不庆祝圣诞节时，情况就很不一样。
Because for you, it's two weeks where you don't see your friends, because they are all going somewhere cool and having fun.
因为对你来说，你有两周时间看不到你的朋友，因为他们都要去某个很酷的地方玩得很开心。
But Jews also get the school break, too, right?
但犹太人也有学校放假，对吧？
It's not like you still have to go to school.
这并不像你还必须去上学。
But we love school!
但我们热爱学校！
Man Children, gather around.
男人们，孩子们，聚集过来。
We have a class-wide announcement.
我们有一个全班公告。
[AUDIENCE CHEERING] Woman I was just going to tell a quick story.
[观众欢呼]女士，我只是想讲一个简短的故事。
I'm going to listen.
我去听听。
Woman Great.
女人太棒了
Well, I feel like we keep talking about, like, especially people who were always experiencing a Jewish Christmas experience.
嗯，我觉得我们一直在谈论，特别是那些总是经历犹太圣诞节经历的人。
But I was the exact opposite, where until I was 13 years old, I did not know Jewish people existed maybe.
但我恰恰相反，直到我13岁之前，我都不知道犹太人的存在。
And I loved Christmas so much that I would get up at 3:00 in the morning to try and look at my presents.
我非常喜欢圣诞节，所以我会在凌晨 3:00 起床尝试看看我的礼物。
And I just always felt like such simple things would give me such overwhelming joy that I wish I could have that now.
我总是觉得这样简单的事情会给我带来巨大的快乐，我希望我现在就能拥有它。
Like, one Christmas morning I was in my little Christmas gown, and I crept down, and there was a giant stuffed animal Saint Bernard, which is not like a bike that you can ride or something that you can do.
就像，一个圣诞节早晨，我穿着我的圣诞小礼服，然后我爬下来，看到一只巨大的毛绒动物圣伯纳犬，它不像一辆你可以骑的自行车或你可以做的事情。
It's just going to sit there, and you're going to look at it and love it.
它只是坐在那里，你会看着它并爱上它。
And as soon as I saw it, I was so happy I could not believe my eyes.
当我看到它的时候，我高兴得简直不敢相信自己的眼睛。
I fell to my knees and I [BLEEP] my pants.
我跪倒在地，裤子发出“哔哔”声。
I just-- like upon the sight of this Saint Bernard, I just was like, thank you!
我只是——就像看到这只圣伯纳犬一样，我只是想，谢谢你！
And I fell to my knees and just blasted right into my pants.
我跪倒在地，直接撞进裤子里。
So I had to creep into my parents' room and say, like, "Good morning, Mom.
所以我不得不溜进父母的房间说：“早上好，妈妈。
Merry Christmas.
圣诞快乐。
I've soiled myself, and I need your help."
我弄脏了自己，我需要你的帮助。”
Can I ask the other improv stars on stage, like, did you have moments like that, of such incredible joy at Christmas?
我可以问舞台上的其他即兴表演明星，比如，你们在圣诞节有过这样的时刻吗？
Not that would take your body to that length, but do you know what I mean?
这并不会让你的身体达到那么长，但你知道我的意思吗？
Like moments of just pure, pure joy in that way that I think we rarely have as adults.
就像那种纯粹、纯粹的快乐时刻，我认为我们作为成年人很少有这样的时刻。
Do you have--
你有没有——
When I was a kid, my sister and I would get up really early and stand at the top of the stairs, because we knew we weren't allowed to go downstairs.
当我还是个孩子的时候，我和姐姐会起得很早，站在楼梯顶上，因为我们知道我们不被允许下楼。
And my dad had this tradition.
我父亲也有这个传统。
We would have to wait for him to-- we would just shake with anticipation at the top of the stairs, and wait and wait, and bother them, my parents, to get out of bed.
我们必须等他——我们会在楼梯顶上因期待而颤抖，等啊等，打扰他们，我的父母，起床。
And we'd pull them out of bed.
我们会把他们从床上拉起来。
And they would take their sweet time putting on their clothes and getting their shaving, just to torture us, because they knew we were at the top of the stairs.
他们会花很多时间穿上衣服、刮胡子，只是为了折磨我们，因为他们知道我们在楼梯顶上。
And my dad would go downstairs first and say, "Let's see if Santa came." Like, he'd look around the hallway and say, "I don't see any evidence that he's been here." And then he'd walk into the dining room, and he would disappear.
我爸爸会先下楼说：“让我们看看圣诞老人是否来了。”就像，他环顾走廊并说：“我没有看到任何证据表明他来过这里。”然后他走进餐厅，然后就消失了。
And we'd hear him go, "Well, mm, no, nothing in here."
我们会听到他说：“嗯，嗯，不，这里什么都没有。”
And we're up there, going like, "It's the dining room.
我们在那里，就像，“这是餐厅。
There's nothing in the dining room!" Goes into this kind of side little sitting room and same thing.
餐厅里什么都没有！”走进这种旁边的小客厅也是同样的事情。
He disappears.
他消失了。
He does the same shtick of "No, nothing in here." And then he'd say-- inevitably, he'd say, "I don't know if he came."
他做了同样的动作：“不，这里什么都没有。”然后他会说——不可避免地，他会说，“我不知道他是否来了。”
The first couple years, we were really nervous that maybe Santa did not come.
最初几年，我们真的很紧张，因为也许圣诞老人没有来。
But then after three or four years of this, we were like, "Of course he came.
但三四年后，我们的反应是：“他当然来了。
Everything's in the-- go to the family room!
一切都在——去家庭活动室！
Go to the family-- were the tree is, where the fireplace is.
去那家人那里——树在哪里，壁炉在哪里。
Santa's not going to come down and then cart everything into the dining room."
圣诞老人不会下来然后把所有东西都推到餐厅里。”
Family room!
家庭房！
Family room!
家庭房！
Go to the-- [GROAN]
去——[呻吟]
Nothing in here.
这里什么也没有。
Girl Oh, my god!
女孩哦，我的天啊！
Dad, I will kill you!
爸爸，我要杀了你！
Please let us down the stairs!
请让我们下楼梯！
What's wrong with you?
你这人怎么回事？
What's wrong with you?
你这人怎么回事？
It's not going to be in the attic.
它不会在阁楼里。
Oh, guys.
哦，伙计们。
Your dad's having fun.
你爸爸玩得很开心。
Come on.
快点。
Point your stupid freshly-shaven face towards the family room.
把你那张刚刮完胡子的愚蠢的脸指向家庭活动室。
I want to talk to you guys about your dad.
我想和你们谈谈你们的父亲。
What?
什么？
Man He doesn't know where the presents are.
何男不知道礼物在哪里。
That is true.
确实如此。
We've been saying he was having fun, but holy hell.
我们一直说他玩得很开心，但天哪。
OK, Mr. Santy Claus.
好的，圣诞老人先生。
Santa Ho, ho, ho!
圣诞老人 嗬，嗬，嗬！
Merry Christmas.
圣诞快乐。
Thank you again.
再次感谢您。
Santa I know you want to tell you something I've never told you about Christmas.
圣诞老人，我知道你想告诉你一些我从未告诉过你的关于圣诞节的事情。
Santa, we've been working for you for 472 years.
圣诞老人，我们已经为您工作了 472 年。
You're going to have to dig deep in that bag.
你必须在那个袋子里深入挖掘。
Well, I've told you that it's a magical time of year.
好吧，我已经告诉过你，这是一年中神奇的时刻。
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
嗯嗯，嗯嗯。
Santa I've told you we give presents to millions of children in the world.
圣诞老人，我告诉过你，我们向世界上数百万儿童赠送礼物。
Mm-hm.
嗯嗯。
Elf 2 We know.
精灵2 我们知道。
We make all that stuff.
我们制造所有这些东西。
Yeah, we do that.
是的，我们就是这么做的。
Santa But I haven't told you Rudolph has cancer.
圣诞老人 但我还没告诉你鲁道夫得了癌症。
The red nose is--
红鼻子是——
Why didn't we get him treated?
为什么我们不给他治疗？
He's had that red nose for so long.
他的红鼻子已经这么久了。
For years, we just thought it was adorable.
多年来，我们只是认为它很可爱。
I feel so bad we used to laugh and call him names.
我感觉很糟糕，我们过去常常笑着骂他。
Scene!
场景！
Man 1 I have a question.
男 1 我有一个问题。
I wonder what you guys think of this.
我想知道你们对此有何看法。
And I think this makes me sound like a bad person.
我认为这让我听起来像个坏人。
Do you feel like Christmas loses a lot of the joy when you hit an age where you have to start buying presents for other people?
当你到了必须开始给别人买礼物的年纪时，你是否觉得圣诞节失去了很多快乐？
I have not hit that age.
我还没到那个年纪。
Ira Glass Really?
艾拉·格拉斯 真的吗？
1,000% yes.
1,000% 是的。
Man 1 I feel like it takes-- it's like a fun magic thing, and then when you actually have to give back to other people, it becomes such a drag.
男人 1 我觉得这需要——这就像一件有趣的魔法事情，然后当你真的必须回馈其他人时，它就变成了一种拖累。
Such a drag.
这样的拖累。
Your parents didn't make you give presents to your siblings?
你父母没让你给兄弟姐妹送礼物吗？
To my sibling?
给我的兄弟姐妹？
Yeah, I had one brother.
是的，我有一个兄弟。
Our elementary school rent-- did you guys have this?
我们小学的房租——你们有这个吗？
Our elementary school had a thing that was just bad presents.
我们小学有一种东西就是糟糕的礼物。
It's like, you'd go into the gym and be like, oh, you can buy your dad a little screwdriver set, or you can buy your mom a plastic ring.
就像，你走进健身房，然后说，哦，你可以给你爸爸买一套小螺丝刀，或者你可以给你妈妈买一个塑料环。
It was all the same stuff.
都是一样的东西。
So every year, my brother was just an interchangeable-- like, "I got you the neon flyswatter." "Great, I got you the slap bracelet." You know?
所以每年，我哥哥都只是一个可互换的——就像，“我给你买了霓虹灯苍蝇拍。” “太好了，我给你买了巴掌手链。”你知道？
And our mom would give us the money anyway.
无论如何，我们妈妈都会给我们钱。
This might sound cynical.
这听起来可能有些愤世嫉俗。
My wife and I, we don't give each other Christmas presents, because neither of us believe in holidays.
我和我的妻子，我们不互相送圣诞礼物，因为我们都不相信假期。
You don't believe in them?
你不相信他们？
Man 2 Well, they're out there.
男人 2 好吧，他们就在那里。
Like, they exist.
就像，它们存在。
Man 1 Every 4th of July, do you think a war is breaking out?
Man 1 每年7月4日，你认为战争会爆发吗？
No, to Chris's point, neither of us like the pressure of having to get a gift.
不，就克里斯的观点而言，我们都不喜欢必须得到礼物的压力。
And we just don't like them.
我们只是不喜欢他们。
So we're just like, "No, we don't want that in our relationship."
所以我们就像，“不，我们不希望我们的关系出现这种情况。”
Well, I'm the opposite.
嗯，我恰恰相反。
When I grew up, I remember the first presents I bought.
当我长大后，我还记得我买的第一份礼物。
And it's still essentially true of me now, is that I'm really excited for people to open the present I found or made for them.
现在对我来说基本上仍然如此，我真的很高兴人们打开我为他们找到或制作的礼物。
And watching them open other people's presents makes me angry.
看着他们打开别人的礼物让我很生气。
And I just am waiting for them to get to my present.
我只是在等待他们收到我的礼物。
I'm going to walk you back on that one.
我会带你回到那个问题上。
Are you making a lot of presents?
你准备了很多礼物吗？
What is unusual about that?
这有什么不寻常的吗？
Man 1 You're a really good person.
男人1 你真是一个好人。
What did you get me?
你给我带来了什么？
Mom You know what?
妈妈你知道吗？
Greg, now is not a good time.
格雷格，现在不是好时机。
Oh, OK.
哦，好吧。
Mom Sorry.
妈妈对不起。
Sweet-- Mom's friend, Greg, he might want a paper puppet to play with, too.
亲爱的——妈妈的朋友格雷格，他可能也想要一个纸偶来玩。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah, Greg might want a paper puppet.
是的，格雷格可能想要一个纸偶。
I only made one paper puppet.
我只做了一个纸偶。
Mom Well, you know what?
妈妈好吧，你知道吗？
That's great, honey, because Greg and Mommy are going to share, because sharing is caring.
太好了，亲爱的，因为格雷格和妈妈要分享，因为分享就是关怀。
OK.
好的。
Boy I want you to share the paper puppet.
男孩，我想让你分享纸偶。
Oh, that's awesome.
哦，那太棒了。
Yeah, thank you for that.
是的，谢谢你。
That's nice.
那很好。
Sure, I guess so.
当然，我想是这样。
Mom OK, sweetie, now remember, we said when Greg's over, we're going to knock on the door and we're not going to come in at 3:00.
妈妈，好吧，亲爱的，现在记住，我们说过当格雷格结束后，我们要敲门，而且我们不会在 3:00 进来。
I love my paper puppet.
我喜欢我的纸偶。
I love my paper puppet, but it's time to go back to bed, OK, sweetie?
我喜欢我的纸偶，但是是时候回去睡觉了，好吗，亲爱的？
And I want to be honest.
我想说实话。
Mom No, maybe not.
妈妈 不，也许不是。
Not a good time.
时机不太好。
Scene!
场景！
Woman Wait, so probably not use able, but for my own sake, there's two things that we went past that I want to hear.
女人等等，所以可能无法使用，但为了我自己的缘故，我们有两件事我想听听。
And one is what Greg was going to say when he said, "Can I be honest with you?"
其中之一是格雷格在说“我可以对你说实话吗？”时要说的话。
Greg was going to say, "I'm going to be honest.
格雷格想说：“我会说实话。
I didn't get you anything.
我没有给你任何东西。
But your present will be a father figure, if you play your cards right."
但如果你处理得当的话，你的礼物将是一个父亲的形象。”
You know what?
你知道吗？
There was no, like, religious factor in my Christmas experience.
我的圣诞节经历中没有宗教因素。
But it was all about like creating your own magic, I feel like.
但我觉得这就像创造你自己的魔法一样。
Like, we had this family tradition where Christmas Eve, everyone had to do one trick, which could be of any sort.
就像，我们有这样的家庭传统，圣诞节前夕，每个人都必须做一个魔术，可以是任何类型的。
And then if you did your trick, you got to open one present before you went to bed.
如果你成功了，你就必须在睡觉前打开一份礼物。
And now you're a professional performer.
现在你是一名专业表演者了。
I know.
我知道。
But you know what?
但你知道吗？
Like, all the tricks-- I mean, it was all kinds of things.
就像，所有的把戏——我的意思是，它是各种各样的东西。
Like I remember one year, my aunt and uncle timed like a nostril flashlight dance to dueling banjos.
就像我记得的一年，我的姑妈和叔叔像鼻孔手电筒一样随着班卓琴决斗而跳舞。
And like--
就像——
What?
什么？
Jeff Welcome to the Bryant Family Talent Show.
杰夫欢迎来到科比家庭才艺秀。
Does anyone want to start?
有人想开始吗？
I think, Jeff, we've got a real great lineup.
我认为，杰夫，我们有一个非常出色的阵容。
Oh, we got a great lineup.
哦，我们的阵容很棒。
Woman We're really excited.
女人 我们真的很兴奋。
Great.
伟大的。
Big, big, big, big lineup this year.
今年的阵容很大很大很大。
But I have to say I've been hearing whisperings from Samantha that she's got a real great talent coming up.
但我不得不说，我一直听到萨曼莎的窃窃私语，说她即将展现出真正的才华。
All right, we'll just do some banter.
好吧，我们就开点玩笑吧。
We'll do some banter.
我们会开一些玩笑。
Yeah, I'm ready.
是的，我准备好了。
I've been ready for this all year.
我一整年都为此做好了准备。
I've been waiting for this opportunity all year.
我一年来一直在等待这个机会。
Michael, I'm going to remind you of the ages of everybody in the family.
迈克尔，我要提醒你家里每个人的年龄。
Yeah, I'll remind you of my age.
是的，我会提醒你我的年龄。
I'm 16, and I'm finally seeing the world for what it is, man.
我16岁了，我终于看清了这个世界的本来面目，伙计。
I'm finally seeing the world what it is.
我终于看清了这个世界到底是什么。
I'm 16, man.
我16岁了，伙计。
Calm down.
冷静下来。
Calm down.
冷静下来。
Woman Michael, relax.
迈克尔女士，放松点。
Uncurl your fists.
松开你的拳头。
Michael Who's yelling?
迈克尔 谁在喊叫？
Uncurl your fists.
松开你的拳头。
Michael That's just how my hands are comfy.
迈克尔：这就是我的手很舒服的原因。
Hey.
嘿。
Michael This is how my hands are comfortable.
迈克尔 这就是我的手舒服的方式。
Are those brass knuckles?
那些是指节铜套吗？
Michael No, not if you don't hit anybody with them.
迈克尔 不，只要你不用它们打到任何人就不会。
Michael, put those away.
迈克尔，把那些收起来。
Michael They're just interconnected rings.
迈克尔：它们只是相互连接的环。
We-- Boy Can I have them?
我们——男孩，我可以要它们吗？
Can I have them?
我可以拥有它们吗？
Yeah, take them.
是的，带走它们。
Do whatever you want with them.
对他们做任何你想做的事。
Give them back.
把它们还给我。
Give them back.
把它们还给我。
Anything but that.
除了那个之外什么都可以。
Anything but that.
除了那个之外什么都可以。
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] Mike Birbiglia I think one of the things that's really evocative about Christmas and childhood is actually fire.
[观众笑]迈克·比尔比格利亚（Mike Birbiglia）我认为真正令人回味圣诞节和童年的事情之一实际上是火。
Like, we used to make fires.
就像我们以前生火一样。
What?
什么？
Mike Birbiglia In the fireplace, where one makes fire.
迈克·比尔比利亚 (Mike Birbiglia) 在壁炉里生火。
You said "we" like every-- like it's a common experience.
你说“我们”喜欢每一个人——就像这是一种共同的经历。
Like collectively we all associate Christmas with fire.
就像大家一样，我们都将圣诞节与火联系在一起。
I agree with Mike, where we always had like a big, beautiful fireplace where we would kind of gather around.
我同意迈克的观点，我们总是有一个又大又漂亮的壁炉，我们可以聚集在一起。
But my parents remodeled their house when I was probably 11 a little bit.
但我父母在我大概 11 岁的时候就改造了他们的房子。
And they redid the fireplace, and it was like all these river rocks.
他们重新装修了壁炉，它就像所有这些河石一样。
Gorgeous, I know.
很漂亮，我知道。
But they were, like, fake, you know?
但它们就像是假的，你知道吗？
I mean, you couldn't tell that if you went, except for there's still to this day one at the very top that's deflated.
我的意思是，如果你去了，你就无法看出这一点，除非直到今天，最顶层仍然有一个瘪了的东西。
It's like this deflated river rock.
就像这块瘪了的河石。
And so in all our Christmas pictures, it's all of us seated in front of the fireplace, and hanging above us is this weird, indented, sort of like light gray river rock.
因此，在我们所有的圣诞照片中，我们所有人都坐在壁炉前，而我们上方悬挂着这种奇怪的、锯齿状的、有点像浅灰色河石的东西。
Um, what's a river rock?
嗯，什么是河石？
Aidy Bryant Oh, I'm sorry.
艾迪·布莱恩特 哦，对不起。
I was born and raised in the desert.
我在沙漠中出生并长大。
So we're always searching for rivers.
所以我们一直在寻找河流。
No, it's just-- they're like rounded rocks.
不，只是——它们就像圆形的岩石。
So they couldn't get real ones?
那么他们就买不到正品了？
They had to get fake ones?
他们必须买假货吗？
Also, is it full of air?
还有，里面充满了空气吗？
Like, why is it deflated?
比如，为什么会瘪？
Look, I didn't build it.
你看，这不是我建造的。
I just-- I frickin' lived it.
我只是——我他妈的就这样过着。
Aidy, can you come here for a sec, sweetie?
艾迪，你能过来一下吗，亲爱的？
Mm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Mom Loved hearing you on the radio.
妈妈很喜欢在广播中听到你的声音。
OK.
好的。
Mom I have to say, your dad and I got real sad though with what story you had to tell.
妈妈，我不得不说，你爸爸和我对你讲述的故事感到非常难过。
Um, I guess I-- I don't know.
嗯，我想我——我不知道。
They chose that one.
他们选择了那个。
I did a ton of other nice stories.
我还写了很多其他精彩的故事。
Did you talk about what happened when we gave you a four-foot St. Bernard stuffed toy?
你有没有谈过我们给你一个四英尺长的圣伯纳毛绒玩具时发生了什么？
I'm going to stop this scene.
我要阻止这一幕。
Dad Really, why?
爸爸 真的吗，为什么？
Why, you don't want to hear our opinions on how your hip, tight-pants friends don't like our rocks?
为什么，您不想听听我们对您的时髦紧身裤朋友不喜欢我们的岩石的看法？
Your hip friends with the tight pants?
你的时髦朋友穿紧身裤吗？
They act like they don't know what a rock is.
他们表现得好像不知道什么是石头。
They act they like they don't know what a rock is.
他们表现得好像他们不知道石头是什么。
Oh, because you say "river," you don't know it's just a rock.
哦，因为你说“河流”，你不知道它只是一块岩石。
Hey, I heard your daughter on the radio.
嘿，我在广播里听到了你女儿的声音。
Yeah.
是的。
Man We're avid-- Teresa and I are avid listeners to the public radio station here in Arizona.
伙计，我们很热心——特蕾莎和我是亚利桑那州公共广播电台的热心听众。
And it was very disappointing to hear that your family is an embarrassing family.
听说你的家庭是一个令人尴尬的家庭，我感到非常失望。
Scene!
场景！
Man I will say the thing that was particularly special about Christmas-- because when I try to analyze what it is that made me experience this absolute euphoria in these two days is that my dad was there.
伙计，我要说的是圣诞节特别特别的事情——因为当我试图分析是什么让我在这两天里体验到这种绝对的欣快感时，我爸爸就在那里。
My dad's a doctor, you know, which is wonderful.
我爸爸是一名医生，你知道，这很棒。
You know, he's a great doctor.
你知道，他是一位伟大的医生。
But there would be no two days in the year for sure when I would know that he would be around for those two days.
但一年中不会有哪两天我知道他会在这两天里出现。
And it was like-- there was something where there was this joy of the full family that I'll never forget.
就好像——有一种全家的欢乐，我永远不会忘记。
Kids, kids, line up.
孩子们，孩子们，排队。
Daddy's going to be here today.
爸爸今天要来。
He's going to be here today.
他今天会来这里。
Promise?
承诺？
You promise?
你答应吗？
There's nothing that could stop that, right?
没有什么可以阻止它，对吧？
No, he's coming.
不，他来了。
Today is the day.
今天就是这一天。
He wrote us.
他写信给我们。
He told us.
他告诉我们。
He phoned.
他打电话来了。
Everything's all set.
一切都准备好了。
Oh, man.
哦，伙计。
I'm going to get love from him.
我要从他那里得到爱。
I'm going to get advice from him.
我会向他寻求建议。
I'm going to get a spanking from them, because I've been bad.
我会被他们打屁股，因为我一直很坏。
I have so many questions to ask him that will shape how I view men.
我有很多问题要问他，这些问题将塑造我对男人的看法。
I'm just going to quietly observe him and then mimic him subtly forever.
我只是静静地观察他，然后巧妙地永远模仿他。
Dad!
爸爸！
Ira Glass Kids.
艾拉·格拉斯孩子们。
Tammy, Aidy, what's your name?
塔米，艾迪，你叫什么名字？
Sasheer?
萨希尔？
Something with an S.
带有 S 的东西。
It's Samantha.
这是萨曼莎。
I'm your wife.
我是你的妻子。
Boy Dad, Dad, look at my awards!
孩子爸爸，爸爸，看看我的奖状！
Very nice.
很不错。
Girl 1 Dad, spank me!
女孩1爸爸，打我屁股吧！
I stole two years ago!
我两年前就偷过东西！
I just don't see why we have to go crazy like this.
我只是不明白为什么我们要这样发疯。
I don't see why we all have to go so crazy.
我不明白为什么我们都要如此疯狂。
Because we miss you!
因为我们想念你！
Boy You're never around!
男孩你从来不在身边！
Dad, if I got all As, would you be around more?
爸爸，如果我得了全A，你会更多地在我身边吗？
I've been throwing up, Dad.
我一直在呕吐，爸爸。
Don't they look good, though?
不过他们看起来不好吗？
Don't they look good?
他们看起来不好吗？
They look all clean, and they're posture is very good.
他们看起来都很干净，而且姿势也很好。
Just like you like it.
就像你喜欢的那样。
Just like you like it.
就像你喜欢的那样。
Dad, I appreciate that you work for Federal Express and that you guys will deliver packages 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.
爸爸，我很感激您为联邦快递工作，并且你们每年 365 天、每周 7 天、每天 24 小时投递包裹。
Plus you were on that island for a couple of years.
另外你在那个岛上呆了几年。
But you're just never around for us!
但你却永远不在我们身边！
We just want to hug you for an hour.
我们只想拥抱你一个小时。
Oh, my god.
我的天啊。
Don't say that out loud.
不要大声说出来。
Don't--
别——
I just think that-- you just need to understand that I love you all, but I'm just very busy, just very, very busy--
我只是认为——你只需要明白我爱你们所有人，但我只是非常忙碌，非常非常忙碌——
Oh, let them hug you, please.
哦，请让他们拥抱你。
Girl 1 No, it's OK, Mom.
女孩 1 不，没关系，妈妈。
Dad's too busy for a hug.
爸爸太忙了，没有时间拥抱。
Thomas, look at their faces.
托马斯，看看他们的脸。
Girl 2 It's OK, Mom.
女孩2 没关系，妈妈。
I don't deserve to be touched.
我不值得被感动。
Sometimes I just send an empty package, hoping that you'll bring it back.
有时我只是寄一个空包裹，希望你能把它带回来。
Dad, I just want you to know I can sense the emotional distance you're keeping.
爸爸，我只是想让你知道，我能感觉到你所保持的情感距离。
And someday I plan on replicating and furthering it.
有一天我计划复制并进一步发展它。
You know what I just noticed, Dad?
你知道我刚刚注意到什么吗，爸爸？
It's like you're inverse Santa Claus.
就像你是逆圣诞老人一样。
Like, Santa Claus brings kids packages one day a year, and then you never see him again.
就像，圣诞老人每年有一天会给孩子们带来包裹，然后你就再也见不到他了。
And we only see you today, and then you bring people packages every other day.
我们今天才见到你，然后你每隔一天就会给人们带来包裹。
And we watch as the dad gets into his FedEx truck, and he drives off into the distance.
我们看着父亲钻进他的联邦快递卡车，然后驶向远方。
And the kids notice that the FedEx truck flies into the air!
孩子们注意到联邦快递卡车飞到了空中！
[APPLAUSE] Ira Glass Our Christmas improvisers, in alphabetical order-- Scott Adsit, Mike Birbiglia, Aidy Bryant, Chris Gethard, Tami Sagher, and Sasheer Zamata.
[掌声] Ira Glass 我们的圣诞即兴创作者，按字母顺序排列：Scott Adsit、Mike Birbiglia、Aidy Bryant、Chris Gethard、Tami Sagher 和 Sasheer Zamata。
Coming up, normally responsible adults doing stuff that is wrong, just wrong, for Christmas.
接下来，通常负责任的成年人会在圣诞节做一些错误的事情，只是错误的事情。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio, when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，我们每周的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的不同类型的故事。
Today's program, "Say Yes to Christmas," stories where people embrace possibility, try something different, because that is how you get back to the feeling of wonder that children have at Christmas when everything is so new.
今天的节目《对圣诞节说“是”》讲述了人们拥抱可能性、尝试不同事物的故事，因为只有这样，你才能回到孩子们在圣诞节时一切都是新奇的感觉。
We have arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经进入了计划的第二幕。
Act Two, "Oily Potter and the Gobble of Fire."
第二幕，“油腻的波特与火焰”。
One of our producers, Stephanie Foo, recently discovered a Christmas tradition that's still pretty new in our country that, no kidding, brought her joy, no kidding, made the world seem like a bigger, more wonderful place to her.
我们的制作人之一斯蒂芬妮·符（Stephanie Foo）最近发现了一种圣诞节传统，这在我们的国家仍然是相当新的，这不是开玩笑，它给她带来了欢乐，不是开玩笑，让世界对她来说似乎是一个更大、更美好的地方。
She has this report.
她有这份报告。
I don't remember how I stumbled on my very first turkey explosion video.
我不记得我是如何偶然发现第一个火鸡爆炸视频的。
But I do remember everything else about it.
但我确实记得有关它的其他一切。
The video is called "Why you should never deep fry a frozen turkey." Two firefighters are standing at the ready in front of a fire truck on a lawn somewhere.
该视频名为“为什么你不应该油炸冷冻火鸡”。某处草坪上，两名消防员站在一辆消防车前做好准备。
In front of them stands a large pot full of hot oil and a propane burner.
他们面前放着一个装满热油的大锅和一个丙烷燃烧器。
Another firefighter in full gear comes out with a raw, pink turkey hanging from the end of a long stick.
另一名全副武装的消防员出来了，一根长棍末端挂着一只生的粉红色火鸡。
He lowers the turkey into the pot.
他把火鸡放进锅里。
It's totally submerged in oil.
它完全淹没在油中。
And then the oil bubbles and overflows, spilling everywhere, and a couple of fireballs even burst out of the pot in gusts.
然后油就冒泡溢出，洒得到处都是，甚至还从锅里迸出了几个火球。
And then, just when you think it's over, here comes the best part.
然后，当你以为一切都结束了的时候，最精彩的部分来了。
[OIL SIZZLING] Suddenly, an enormous, 20-foot column of fire blasts out of the pot, like Sauron himself has been conjured by way of poultry sacrifice.
[油滋滋声]突然，一股20英尺高的巨大火柱从锅中喷出，就像索伦本人通过家禽祭祀而被召唤出来一样。
I watched it again and again.
我看了一遍又一遍。
Then, I pulled in my coworker--
然后我把我的同事拉了过来——
Come here.
过来吧。
--Sean Cole, to watch with me another time.
——肖恩·科尔，下次和我一起看。
Oh, wow!
哦，哇！
Stephanie Foo [LAUGHS EXCITEDLY] Oh, my god.
斯蒂芬妮·福（兴奋地笑）哦，天哪。
That was great.
那很棒。
Stephanie Foo It's just so pleasurable.
Stephanie Foo 真是太令人愉快了。
[LAUGHS] Stephanie Foo I saw in the "up next column" in YouTube that there were more videos like this, turkey fryer fire safety PSAs put out by fire departments across the country.
[笑] Stephanie Foo 我在 YouTube 的“下一个专栏”中看到有更多这样的视频，全国各地消防部门发布的火鸡炸锅消防安全公益广告。
We stopped counting at 150 videos.
我们在 150 个视频时停止计数。
They come from Tucson to Pensacola to Danville, California, all made to demonstrate the dangers of deep frying.
它们来自图森、彭萨科拉和加利福尼亚州丹维尔，都是为了展示油炸的危险。
A lot of the videos were clearly done as segments for local TV stations.
很多视频显然是为当地电视台制作的片段。
But some departments employ different theatrical methods to amp up the drama on the PSAs.
但有些部门采用不同的戏剧方法来增强公益广告的戏剧性。
Some use slow mo.
有些人使用慢动作。
[OIL SLOWLY SIZZLING] Some play epic music as you watch closeups of the pot of oil.
[油慢慢滋滋作响]当您观看油罐的特写镜头时，有些会播放史诗般的音乐。
[EPIC MUSIC PLAYING] Some spray water in the pot, obviously something you should never do with a grease fire, as it doubles the size of the flames.
[史诗般的音乐播放] 在锅里喷一些水，显然你不应该对油脂火这样做，因为它会使火焰的大小加倍。
William Shatner even stars in one video titled "Eat, Fry, Love," created by State Farm.
威廉·沙特纳甚至在 State Farm 制作的一部名为“Eat、Fry、Love”的视频中担任主演。
In it, he's playing the inept chef.
在剧中，他扮演无能的厨师。
I want a moister, tastier turkey.
我想要一只更湿润、更美味的火鸡。
I want a deep-fried turkey.
我想要一只炸火鸡。
And there's a dubstep remix.
还有回响贝斯混音版。
[DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYING]
[回响贝斯音乐播放]
(SINGING) I want a deep-fried turkey.
（唱歌）我想要一只炸火鸡。
I want a moister, tastier turkey.
我想要一只更湿润、更美味的火鸡。
I want a deep-fried turkey.
我想要一只炸火鸡。
Amazingly, this was also released by State Farm.
令人惊讶的是，这也是 State Farm 发布的。
(SINGING) There's a hunger.
（唱歌）有一种饥饿。
I was young and arrogant.
我年轻又傲慢。
Blinded by my hunger, I ignored safety.
我被饥饿蒙蔽了双眼，忽视了安全。
I want a deep-fried turkey.
我想要一只炸火鸡。
I want a moister, tastier, turkey.
我想要一只更湿润、更美味的火鸡。
Oh, my god.
我的天啊。
Stephanie Foo --where regular people, without safety gear, lower turkeys into deep fryers, sometimes from alarming heights, underneath trees and basketball hoops.
Stephanie Foo——普通人在没有安全装备的情况下将火鸡放入油炸锅中，有时从令人震惊的高度，在树下和篮球筐下。
Of course, there's a sub-genre here of people who actually wind up getting their decks on fire and fly into a panic.
当然，这里有一个子类型的人，他们实际上最终让他们的甲板着火并陷入恐慌。
Just saying-- your average turkey fire incident injures four people-- four-- because it's a spectator sport, which is why fire departments do these videos every year.
只是说，火鸡火灾事件平均造成四人受伤，四人受伤，因为这是一项观赏性运动，这就是消防部门每年制作这些视频的原因。
But after my seventh time watching "Why You Should Never Deep Fry a Turkey," it occurred to me that there's another reason why they do them.
但在我第七次观看“为什么你永远不应该油炸火鸡”之后，我突然想到他们这样做还有另一个原因。
I noticed one of the firefighters standing in the back.
我注意到一名消防员站在后面。
He was barely suppressing a grin.
他勉强抑制住笑容。
I zoomed in on him, watched it again-- definitely a grin.
我放大了他，又看了一遍——绝对是一个笑容。
So I called him to ask about it.
于是我就给他打电话询问此事。
His name is Lieutenant Daniel Akerman of the Escambia County Fire Rescue.
他的名字是埃斯坎比亚县消防救援队的丹尼尔·阿克曼中尉。
Definitely one of the highlights of being in the office.
绝对是办公室的亮点之一。
When you actually drop that turkey, you're not 100% sure how it's going to come out.
当你真的把火鸡扔到地上时，你并不能 100% 确定它会怎样。
Here's some of the guys from the Fargo Fire Department.
这是法戈消防局的一些人。
They have one of my favorite videos.
他们有我最喜欢的视频之一。
Hi.
你好。
Stephanie Foo Do all of you guys like setting turkeys on fire?
Stephanie Foo 你们都喜欢放火鸡吗？
[LAUGHTER] Man Yeah, you're doing the opposite of what you're supposed to be doing.
[笑声] 伙计，是的，你所做的与你应该做的相反。
You're supposed to be putting out fire, but you get to start one.
你应该去灭火，但你却得去点火。
Yeah, it's fun.
是的，这很有趣。
Stephanie Foo What's your favorite part about the flaming turkey tradition?
Stephanie Foo 关于火鸡传统，您最喜欢的部分是什么？
Oh, yeah.
哦，是的。
Stephanie Foo And they're good at it.
Stephanie Foo 他们很擅长。
Fargo's fireball is two stories tall.
法戈的火球有两层楼高。
[FIRE HISSING] Stephanie Foo Your explosion is huge.
[火嘶嘶声] Stephanie Foo 你的爆炸是巨大的。
Yeah.
是的。
Stephanie Foo What is happening where you are able to get it to be so big?
Stephanie Foo 到底发生了什么事情才能让它变得这么大？
Sure.
当然。
Well, we're not following any of the safety recommendations to get it to be that dramatic to show people absolute worst case what can happen.
好吧，我们并没有遵循任何安全建议来让事情变得如此戏剧化，向人们展示绝对最坏的情况会发生什么。
Did you guys practice?
你们练习了吗？
Man Yeah.
男人 是啊。
We did find out through practice that the more oil we put in the pot, by filling it to the top, made the fireball as big as possible.
我们通过实践确实发现，锅里的油越多，加到顶部，火球就会越大。
Quick science lesson.
快速科学课。
These frozen turkeys are filled with ice.
这些冷冻火鸡里装满了冰。
Ice, of course, is water.
冰当然是水。
And water does not mix with oil.
并且水不与油混合。
So when the turkeys hit the oil, that ice turns to water turns to steam, which pushes the oil out of the pot, and when that hits the flame underneath, boom.
因此，当火鸡碰到油时，冰会变成水，变成蒸汽，从而将油从锅中推出，当它碰到下面的火焰时，就会爆炸。
So your basic turkey frying don'ts are as follows.
因此，煎火鸡的基本注意事项如下。
One, don't put in a frozen turkey.
第一，不要放入冷冻火鸡。
You should thaw your turkey 24 hours for every five pounds.
每 5 磅的火鸡就应该解冻 24 小时。
That's three whole days for a 15-pounder.
对于 15 磅重的炮弹来说，这需要整整三天的时间。
Two, don't put in a wet turkey or a too-big turkey.
第二，不要放入湿火鸡或太大的火鸡。
Three, don't overfill the pot with oil or overheat the oil.
三、锅里的油不要装得太满，也不要让油过热。
Four, do not do this inside.
四、不要在室内这样做。
And lastly, most fire departments would tell you the most important don't is just please, don't deep fry a turkey at all.
最后，大多数消防部门会告诉您最重要的是，请不要油炸火鸡。
Fargo double did all the don'ts.
法戈双倍做了所有不该做的事。
Like, while some firefighters heat their demonstration pots to 350, Fargo took theirs to 700.
比如，一些消防员将演示罐加热到 350 度，而《法戈》却将他们的罐子加热到 700 度。
The pot of oil is obviously already in flames and overflowing before the turkey gets anywhere near it, like an active volcano.
显然，在火鸡靠近之前，油罐已经着火并溢出，就像一座活火山。
I managed to find the first turkey fire video from 2002.
我设法找到了 2002 年的第一个火鸡火灾视频。
It's called "Turkey Fryer-- Your Dinner for Your Life?" It's hosted by this earnest guy in a hardhat named John Drengenberg, who was not in it for the fun, the fame, or the fireballs.
它的名字叫“火鸡炸锅——你一生的晚餐？”主持人是一位戴着安全帽、名叫约翰·德伦伯格 (John Drengenberg) 的热心人士，他参加这次活动并不是为了好玩、名誉或火球。
I asked him, is he proud of being the originator of this new holiday tradition, the turkey explosion video?
我问他，作为火鸡爆炸视频这一新节日传统的创始人，他是否感到自豪？
OK, first of all, I'm an engineer.
好吧，首先，我是一名工程师。
So they aren't explosions.
所以它们不是爆炸。
So what would the appropriate terminology be?
那么合适的术语是什么？
Flaming oil is being expelled from the turkey fryer.
火鸡煎锅中正在喷出火焰油。
So how do you feel about being the originator of the tradition of flaming turkey oil videos?
那么，作为火鸡油视频传统的鼻祖，您有何感想？
It's not unusual.
这并不罕见。
It's in keeping with our mission of alerting people to safety issues.
这符合我们提醒人们注意安全问题的使命。
Sure.
当然。
But you know, outside of the mission, what does it make you feel?
但你知道，在任务之外，它让你有什么感受？
Like we've accomplished a goal of alerting people to the dangers.
就像我们已经完成了提醒人们注意危险的目标一样。
John works for Underwriters Laboratories.
约翰在保险商实验室工作。
They test products to make sure they're safe.
他们测试产品以确保其安全。
I just walked over to the part of our office that has a toaster and a coffee grinder, and I found UL logos on everything, even the light bulbs.
我刚刚走到办公室里有烤面包机和咖啡研磨机的地方，我发现所有东西上都有 UL 标志，甚至灯泡上也有。
And so when John started testing turkey deep fryers at UL in 2002, he found them so egregiously dangerous and prone to failure that they put out a press release calling for stronger turkey fryer guidelines.
因此，当 John 于 2002 年开始在 UL 测试火鸡油炸机时，他发现它们非常危险且容易发生故障，因此他们发布了一份新闻稿，呼吁制定更严格的火鸡油炸机指南。
And because most people don't read press releases, he figured they had to make a PSA informing people about those dangers, too, because John sees danger around us all the time.
由于大多数人不阅读新闻稿，他认为他们也必须制作一份公益广告，告知人们这些危险，因为约翰一直在我们周围看到危险。
And he does not think the turkey videos are sensationalistic in the slightest.
他并不认为火鸡视频有丝毫耸人听闻的成分。
I think we tried to show the reality.
我认为我们试图展现现实。
Even if you're using it correctly, and a dog runs by it or it could bump into the stand and knock the turkey fryer down, which would cause some very serious burns on a pet, as well as a child.
即使您正确使用它，狗跑过它，或者它可能会撞到架子上并将火鸡炸锅撞倒，这会对宠物和儿童造成严重烧伤。
Do your friends and family ever-- are you, like, calling them out and being like, please don't do that.
你的朋友和家人有没有——你是否会打电话给他们并说，请不要这样做。
And are they like, oh, come on.
他们是否会说，哦，来吧。
Just chill out about it.
冷静一下吧。
It's fine.
没关系。
Well, the fact is they call me Mr. Safety.
嗯，事实是他们称我为“安全先生”。
And I've actually cut a cord off my mother-in-law's fan, because it was so-- the cord was all ratty.
事实上，我已经把我婆婆风扇上的一根绳子剪掉了，因为那根绳子已经破烂不堪了。
And you know, it was cracked.
你知道，它被破解了。
The insulation was cracked, and there was bare wire on it.
绝缘层破裂，上面有裸露的电线。
And I said, you can't plug this fan in.
我说，你不能插入这个风扇。
And she said, well, I need it.
她说，好吧，我需要它。
It keeps me cool.
它让我保持冷静。
And I said, it's not good for you.
我说，这对你没有好处。
So I unplugged it myself and I cut the cord off so she--
所以我自己拔掉电源插头并切断电源线，这样她——
Well, I could have done that.
好吧，我本来可以这么做的。
Stephanie Foo So you're a bit of a worrier.
Stephanie Foo 所以你有点担心。
Well, I've got a bit of experience in the field of product safety.
嗯，我在产品安全领域有一些经验。
Do you have any other really important holiday cautionary tips for us before I let you go?
在我让你走之前，你还有其他真正重要的假期警示提示给我们吗？
Make sure your smoke alarm is working.
确保您的烟雾报警器正常工作。
Make sure you water your tree.
确保给树浇水。
You have to run your hand along on the branches in the tree lot to make sure you don't end up with a handful of needles.
你必须用手抚摸树丛中的树枝，以确保不会沾到一把针头。
If you do, the tree is too dry.
如果这样做，树就太干了。
You should never bring it home.
你永远不应该把它带回家。
There are statistics you can get, by the way, Stephanie, from places like the Consumer Product Safety Commission on just how many people are injured each year while decorating.
顺便说一句，斯蒂芬妮，你可以从消费品安全委员会等地方获得统计数据，了解每年有多少人在装修时受伤。
I mean, it's like 18,000 people hurt themselves decorating.
我的意思是，大约有 18,000 人在装修过程中受伤。
Oh, my god.
我的天啊。
John Drengenberg Yeah, we could talk for two hours, if you'd like, about cautionary tips.
约翰·德伦伯格（John Drengenberg）：是的，如果您愿意，我们可以讨论两个小时的警告提示。
Oh, that's-- we're not grinches here.
哦，那是——我们不是在这里傻笑。
We just want to keep people safe.
我们只是想保证人们的安全。
That's our mission, whatever your holiday.
无论您的假期如何，这都是我们的使命。
And it's not just Christmas.
这不仅仅是圣诞节。
It's Hanukkah.
这是光明节。
It's Kwanzaa, all of that.
这就是宽扎节，这一切。
And all of those holidays, by the way, use candles.
顺便说一句，所有这些假期都使用蜡烛。
[LAUGHS] John Drengenberg You want go into candles?
[笑] John Drengenberg 你想研究蜡烛吗？
You ready for candles?
你准备好蜡烛了吗？
Can you handle it?
你能应付得来吗？
John suggests that in lieu of candles this year, try using LED tealights instead.
约翰建议今年尝试使用 LED 茶蜡来代替蜡烛。
And if you think that's too drastic, please go to YouTube right now and type in the words "Christmas tree fires." And then help John have a Merry Christmas.
如果您认为这太过分了，请立即访问 YouTube 并输入“圣诞树火灾”字样。然后帮助约翰度过一个快乐的圣诞节。
Go water your tree.
去给你的树浇水吧。
Stephanie Foo is one of the producers of our program.
Stephanie Foo 是我们节目的制作人之一。
We checked, by the way, with the Consumer Product Safety Commission and learned that on average, there were only about 13-- 13-- turkey fryer-related incidents a year, which means one of two things, OK?
顺便说一句，我们向消费品安全委员会进行了调查，了解到平均每年只有大约 13 起 - 13 起火鸡油炸机相关事件，这意味着两件事之一，好吗？
Either number one, the hundreds of turkey fryer fire videos online are unnecessary.
第一，网上数百个火鸡炸锅着火的视频是不必要的。
Or, number two, the hundreds of turkey fryer fire videos online are working.
或者，第二，网上数百个火鸡炸锅起火视频正在发挥作用。
Act Three, "The First Noelle." Andre is six years old.
第三幕，“第一个诺艾尔”。安德烈六岁。
And this is his first Christmas with, you know, Santa and presents and the whole deal.
这是他第一个和圣诞老人一起过圣诞节，还有礼物和整个交易。
And already, it's been like one incredible thing after another.
已经发生了一件又一件令人难以置信的事情。
Till recently, he and his little brother, Luke, who's four, had been in an orphanage in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
直到最近，他和四岁的弟弟卢克一直住在刚果民主共和国的一家孤儿院。
And in the orphanage, Christmas was not much of a thing.
在孤儿院里，圣诞节没什么大不了的。
But now they're living outside Seattle, where it definitely is a thing.
但现在他们住在西雅图郊外，这绝对是一个问题。
Weeks ago, Christmas lights started popping up.
几周前，圣诞彩灯开始出现。
And they would point to that and say, Mom, Mom, look at that.
他们会指着那个说，妈妈，妈妈，看看那个。
And so we started to explain, yeah, that's for Christmas.
所以我们开始解释，是的，那是为了圣诞节。
It's to celebrate Christmas.
是为了庆祝圣诞节。
This is Jennefer.
这是詹妮弗。
She and her husband adopted Andre and Luke.
她和她的丈夫收养了安德烈和卢克。
And then we drove through the neighborhood, just with the purpose of looking for lights, they were just non-stop.
然后我们开车穿过街区，只是为了寻找灯光，他们就一直不停。
It didn't matter how big the light display was.
灯光显示器有多大并不重要。
They were amazed.
他们很惊讶。
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass This is obviously from a recording they made on that drive.
[笑声] Ira Glass 这显然来自他们在该驱动器上录制的录音。
Jennefer and her husband also have two little girls, seven and five, who you can hear on the recording.
詹妮弗和她的丈夫还有两个小女孩，一个七岁，一个五岁，你可以在录音中听到她们的声音。
[KIDS OOHING AND AHHING] Man Do you see two of them in the [INAUDIBLE]?
[孩子们啊啊啊]伙计，你在[听不清]中看到他们两个吗？
Whoa.
哇哦。
Jennefer And no one wanted to go home.
詹妮弗 没有人想回家。
They just couldn't get enough of it.
他们就是受够了。
Whoa.
哇哦。
Ira Glass It's been kind of a crash course since the boys arrived in the States.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：自从孩子们到达美国以来，这就像一场速成班。
They just got here this November.
他们今年十一月才来到这里。
They'd heard some Christmas basics before.
他们以前听过一些圣诞节的基本知识。
This adoption process has taken three years.
这个采用过程花了三年时间。
And Jennefer lived with the boys in Kinshasa for most of this year, and she talked about Christmas a little bit with the boys.
詹妮弗今年大部分时间都和男孩们一起住在金沙萨，她和男孩们谈论了一些圣诞节。
But you know, if you think about it, it is a lot to cover.
但你知道，如果你仔细想想，就会发现有很多内容需要涵盖。
With her girls, you know, from the time that they could speak, they were basically living in a world with Christmas and Santa and all that, but with the boys--
和她的女儿们在一起，你知道，从她们会说话的那一刻起，她们基本上就生活在一个有圣诞节和圣诞老人之类的世界里，但和男孩们在一起——
It must have been strange for you.
这对你来说一定很奇怪。
You really have to start at the beginning and walk through a whole lot of stuff.
你真的必须从头开始并经历很多事情。
And it's like, there's reindeer, and there's like this whole-- it's really like kind of a lot to explain, right?
就像，有驯鹿，还有整个——真的有很多东西需要解释，对吧？
Right, yeah.
对，是的。
We had to hit a lot of basics.
我们必须掌握很多基础知识。
Who is Rudolph?
鲁道夫是谁？
Who is even Santa?
圣诞老人是谁？
I mean, the fact that we had a Christmas tree in our house, oh.
我的意思是，我们家里有一棵圣诞树，哦。
And even that we went to pick out a Christmas tree and then tied this tree onto our car-- you know, the little things that we just do every year so we don't really think about it as strange.
甚至我们还去挑选了一棵圣诞树，然后把这棵树绑在我们的车上——你知道，我们每年都会做这些小事，所以我们并不觉得这很奇怪。
But when you were a kid and you see a tree tied to a car, or you're tying it to your own car, he'd be like, "Why?
但是当你还是个孩子的时候，你看到一棵树绑在车上，或者你把它绑在你自己的车上，他会说，“为什么？
What are they doing to the tree?
他们对树做什么？
Why are they putting it on the roof?" And we opened up the sunroof while he was in there, just the window part so he could see it.
他们为什么把它放在屋顶上？”当他在那里时，我们打开天窗，只打开窗户部分，这样他就可以看到它。
And he just stared at it in awe.
他只是敬畏地看着它。
One of the recordings you made is of, I guess, Andre saying over and over, "Are you kidding me, guys?
我猜你录制的其中一个录音是安德烈一遍又一遍地说：“你们在开玩笑吗，伙计们？
Are you kidding me, guys?
你们在开玩笑吗，伙计们？
Are you kidding me, guys?" What's that about?
你们在开玩笑吗，伙计们？”那是关于什么的？
Yeah, he kept opening new ornaments and seeing a new ornament.
是的，他不断地打开新的装饰品，看到新的装饰品。
We have a tradition in our family that we hang up an ornament with a picture of each child each year.
我们家有一个传统，每年都会挂一个带有每个孩子照片的装饰品。
So they were both really excited to see their own faces on ornaments as they hung them up.
因此，当他们挂起装饰品时，他们都非常兴奋地看到自己的脸出现在装饰品上。
So--
所以——
Are you kidding me, guys?
你们在开玩笑吗，伙计们？
Are you kidding me, guys?
你们在开玩笑吗，伙计们？
Are you kidding me, guys?
你们在开玩笑吗，伙计们？
His English is so new, so he usually uses that when he sees something that he really likes.
他的英语很新，所以当他看到他真正喜欢的东西时，他通常会使用它。
Growing up in the orphanage, not only did they not have ornaments and trees and Santa, they didn't get presents-- not for Christmas, not for birthdays.
他们在孤儿院长大，不仅没有装饰品、树木和圣诞老人，他们也没有收到礼物——圣诞节没有，生日也没有。
Yeah, you know, they didn't really have belongings before.
是的，你知道，他们以前并没有真正的财产。
Everything was shared at the orphanage.
孤儿院里的一切都是共享的。
Neither of them ever asked anybody for a gift or picked out a present to give to somebody.
他们俩都没有向任何人索要礼物，也没有挑选过一件礼物送给别人。
That's all new.
这都是新的。
Of course, Christmas is just one of the new things that they're experiencing in their new lives in this country.
当然，圣诞节只是他们在这个国家的新生活中经历的新事物之一。
The orphanage that they lived in was on the outskirts of Kinshasa and didn't have electricity or running water.
他们居住的孤儿院位于金沙萨郊区，没有电或自来水。
Even going to a store was a new experience for the boys when they joined Jennefer's family.
当男孩们加入詹妮弗的家庭时，甚至去商店对他们来说都是一种新的体验。
Everything's amazing right now, so it's not hard to believe that Santa comes and brings you gifts.
现在一切都很棒，所以不难相信圣诞老人会来给你带来礼物。
That's just one of the many things.
这只是众多事情之一。
Compared with the incredibleness of, you know, living in a house with water that comes out of faucets, and a play room, and a family, Santa Claus, the idea of Santa Claus, that's just really just like one more thing on the list, right?
与令人难以置信的生活相比，你知道，住在一个有水龙头流出的水的房子里，有一个游戏室，还有一个家庭，圣诞老人，圣诞老人的想法，这真的就像清单上的另一件事一样，对吧？
A guy flies in with a sleigh in the middle of the night with a bag of presents?
一个人半夜驾着雪橇带着一袋礼物飞进来？
Why not?
为什么不呢？
It's all kind of amazing if we just let ourselves see it that way.
如果我们让自己这样看的话，那就太神奇了。
Well, our program was produced today by Jonathan Menjivar, with Zoe Chace, Sean Cole, Neil Drumming, Stephanie Foo, Chana Joffe-Walt, Miki Meek, Robyn Semien, Alyssa Shipp, and Nancy Updike.
好吧，我们今天的节目由 Jonathan Menjivar 制作，与 Zoe Chace、Sean Cole、Neil Drumming、Stephanie Foo、Chana Joffe-Walt、Miki Meek、Robyn Semien、Alyssa Shipp 和 Nancy Updike 一起制作。
Our senior producer is Brian Reed.
我们的高级制片人是布莱恩·里德。
Our editor is Joel Lovell.
我们的编辑是乔尔·洛弗尔。
Julie Snyder is our editorial consultant.
朱莉·斯奈德是我们的编辑顾问。
Our technical director is Mr. Matt Tierney, who recorded our improv show this week.
我们的技术总监是 Matt Tierney 先生，他本周录制了我们的即兴表演。
Production help from Lily Sullivan.
莉莉·沙利文 (Lily Sullivan) 提供制作帮助。
Seth Lind is our operations director.
塞思·林德 (Seth Lind) 是我们的运营总监。
Emily Condon's our production manager.
艾米丽·康登是我们的生产经理。
Elise Bergerson is our business operations manager.
Elise Bergerson 是我们的业务运营经理。
Elna Baker scouts stories for our show and helped produce our night of improv.
艾尔娜·贝克 (Elna Baker) 为我们的节目寻找故事，并帮助制作了我们的即兴表演之夜。
Kimberly Henderson is our office coordinator.
Kimberly Henderson 是我们的办公室协调员。
Research help from Christopher [INAUDIBLE].
克里斯托弗 [听不清] 提供的研究帮助。
Music help from Damien Graef and Rob Geddis.
Damien Graef 和 Rob Geddis 提供音乐帮助。
Our website, ThisAmericanLife.org.
我们的网站 ThisAmericanLife.org。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia, who gives me regular critiques of our program.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生，他定期对我们的项目提出批评。
And you know, it always seems he's a little confused by the show.
你知道，他似乎总是对这部剧感到有点困惑。
(SINGING OFF-KEY) What do you mean?
（跑调）你什么意思？
What do you mean by what you're saying?
你说的话是什么意思？
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Happy holidays, everybody.
大家节日快乐。
We'll be back next week with more stories of This American Life .
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。