572: Transformers - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #572 | December 30, 2016 572: Transformers Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 572 集 | 2016 年 12 月 30 日 572：《变形金刚》 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life .
序言 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的 Ira Glass，这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
I used to be really scared of roller coasters.
我以前真的很害怕过山车。
I didn't like them at all.
我一点也不喜欢他们。
If I just looked at them, I'd start to feel upset and kind of sick.
如果我只是看着它们，我就会开始感到不安和恶心。
Tess is 12, and back when she was 10, she and her dad were driving by Six Flags Magic Mountain.
苔丝 12 岁，十岁时，她和父亲开车经过六旗魔法山。
And she told her dad that when kids at school talked about going on roller coasters, and which ones they'd ridden, and how awesome they are, she always felt kind of dumb because she was so scared of them.
她告诉她的爸爸，当学校里的孩子们谈论过山车、他们骑过哪些过山车以及它们有多棒时，她总是觉得有点傻，因为她太害怕它们了。
My dad was like, let's go there sometime so you can conquer your fear.
我爸爸说，我们找个时间去那里吧，这样你就可以克服恐惧。
At first, I thought he was joking, or he was crazy, or something.
起初，我以为他是在开玩笑，或者他疯了，或者什么。
He wasn't, of course.
当然，他不是。
And he made this recording of the trip that I heard on this podcast called Unfictional that I want to play you some of now, because this recording is great.
他录制了我在一个名为 Unfictional 的播客上听到的旅行录音，我现在想给你们播放一些，因为这段录音很棒。
Her dad is Bob Carson, who hosts that show, Unfictional.
她的父亲是鲍勃·卡森（Bob Carson），主持该节目《非虚构》（Unfictional）。
Magic Mountain Parkway!
魔法山公园大道！
Wait, is that something we're going on?
等等，这是我们正在做的事情吗？
[CHUCKLING] Bob Carson I don't know.
[咯咯笑]鲍勃·卡森我不知道。
I don't know what that one is.
我不知道那是什么。
That better not be something we're going on.
那最好不要成为我们正在进行的事情。
So they get to the park, and they start with the easy roller coasters, right?
所以他们到了公园，从简单的过山车开始，对吗？
They'd watched videos of the ones they would go on to prepare.
他们观看了他们将继续准备的视频。
And so after they do the Road Runner Express, and the Gold Rusher, they advance to the Ninja, which turns you sideways.
因此，在完成公路跑者快车和淘金者之后，他们会前进到忍者，这会让你侧身。
And then they came to the big challenge.
然后他们就面临着巨大的挑战。
All right, next stop, Revolution, Tess's first looping roller coaster.
好吧，下一站，革命，苔丝的第一个环形过山车。
So they approach this huge, frightening-looking steel contraption.
于是他们接近了这个巨大的、看起来令人恐惧的钢铁装置。
Can I just say, looping is a fantastically bland way to describe what this thing does.
我只能说，循环是描述这个东西的作用的一种极其平淡的方式。
It is an enormous loop, nine stories high, like a giant Hot Wheels loop that flips you totally upside down.
这是一个巨大的环路，有九层楼高，就像一个巨大的风火轮环路，可以让你完全颠倒。
Anyway, here's the recording of what happened.
无论如何，这是发生的事情的记录。
Yeah, a little.
是的，有一点。
Bob Carson Relax, relax.
鲍勃·卡森 放松，放松。
Here comes the loop!
循环来了！
Bob Carson Here we go.
鲍勃·卡森 我们开始吧。
I just went through a loop!
我刚刚经历了一个循环！
I just went through a loop!
我刚刚经历了一个循环！
And it wasn't even that bad!
而且情况还没有那么糟糕！
I just rode a looping roller coaster for the first time in my life.
我人生中第一次乘坐环形过山车。
And it was so exciting, and it wasn't even that bad.
这太令人兴奋了，而且还没有那么糟糕。
I am a different person than I was a minute ago.
与一分钟前相比，我已经是一个不同的人了。
Ladies and gentlemen, when does it ever happen like this, right?
女士们先生们，什么时候发生过这样的事情，对吧？
That you change so fast?
你变化这么快吗？
You were one thing, now you're another.
你曾经是一回事，现在你是另一回事了。
Change usually takes time.
改变通常需要时间。
Psyching yourself up, and self-help books, and advice from friends, and one tentative step after the next.
给自己打气，读一些自助书籍，听听朋友的建议，一步一步试探性地迈出下一步。
This is about as efficient as it ever gets.
这几乎是有史以来最有效的。
I am a different person than I was a minute ago.
与一分钟前相比，我已经是一个不同的人了。
Today on our show, it's the new year.
今天在我们的节目中，新年到了。
People are making resolutions.
人们正在做出决定。
We have stories of people deciding they are going to totally transform themselves, overcome their fears, finally change the things about themselves that have dogged them and held them back their entire lives, things that, in some cases, it's hard to believe could ever change.
我们有这样的故事，人们决定彻底改变自己，克服恐惧，最终改变那些困扰他们、阻碍他们一生的事情，在某些情况下，很难相信这些事情会改变。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
My grandma Vicki is 90 years old.
我的奶奶维琪已经90岁了。
She lives in a nursing home, and lately she can't stop talking about her new boyfriend, Frank.
她住在疗养院，最近她不停地谈论她的新男友弗兰克。
They're very much in love, and their dialogue is straight out of a romantic comedy.
他们非常相爱，他们的对话就像一部浪漫喜剧。
I mean, this is what it sounds like when they're drinking tea.
我的意思是，这就是他们喝茶时的声音。
Have enough sugar?
有足够的糖吗？
Frank Not as sweet as you.
弗兰克 不像你那么可爱。
[LAUGHTER] Anthony Devito That's the way Frank talks.
[笑声] 安东尼·德维托 弗兰克就是这么说话的。
He's like an encyclopedia of love cliches, but totally sincere about it.
他就像一部关于爱情陈词滥调的百科全书，但又完全真诚。
What do you want to do, hon?
亲爱的，你想做什么？
Frank Stay close to you, gorgeous.
弗兰克 靠近你，太棒了。
I've been in love before, but never like this.
我以前也谈过恋爱，但从来没有像现在这样。
Yes.
是的。
That's how I go to sleep at night, with those words in my ear.
就这样，我晚上睡觉的时候，耳边就响起了这句话。
Again, Grandma is 90.
再说一遍，奶奶已经90岁了。
Frank's 62, which makes him 28 years younger than my grandma.
弗兰克今年 62 岁，比我奶奶小 28 岁。
That's not even a cougar.
那甚至不是美洲狮。
That's a different animal.
那是一种不同的动物。
It's like a water buffalo.
它就像一头水牛。
Also, she's partially deaf, while Frank is blind, he's got one leg, and it's an interracial relationship.
而且，她是半聋的，而弗兰克是盲人，他只有一条腿，这是一种跨种族的关系。
As a stand up comedian, I've never felt more pressure to write a joke.
作为一名单口喜剧演员，我从来没有感受到写笑话的更大压力。
This is in no way the grandma who raised me.
这绝不是抚养我长大的奶奶。
She's not a lovestruck, soft hearted kind of girl.
她不是一个痴情的、心软的女孩。
She's a tough Italian lady from New Jersey, right out of central casting.
她是一位来自新泽西州的强硬意大利女士，刚刚从中央选角中脱颖而出。
If you've ever seen a mob movie in the last 30 years, you got the picture.
如果您在过去 30 年里看过一部黑帮电影，您就明白了。
Her eyebrows are drawn on, but not at the appropriate height, so she always looks shocked.
她的眉毛虽然画了，但高度不合适，所以总是显得很震惊。
It's all there, the opinions, the accent, and yes, even the racism.
一切都在那里，观点、口音，是的，甚至还有种族主义。
So a relationship with a blind, one legged black guy, not the thing you'd expect from grandma.
因此，与一个盲人、单腿黑人的关系，不是你所期望的祖母的关系。
And yet, none of that's the most surprising part.
然而，这些都不是最令人惊讶的部分。
What's most surprising is that she has anything to do with a man at all.
最令人惊讶的是，她竟然和一个男人有关系。
The grandma I've always known, she despised men.
我一直认识的奶奶，她鄙视男人。
Like, she was fundamentally against them as a concept.
就像，她从根本上反对它们作为一个概念。
So all this lovey dovey Frank business, it's like she's been inhabited by an alien.
所以弗兰克这一切可爱的事情，就好像她被外星人居住了一样。
In order to understand how opposed my grandma was to men, I need to tell you the very weird story of the tenant who lived with my family when I was growing up.
为了了解我的祖母是多么反对男人，我需要告诉你一个在我成长过程中与我的家人住在一起的房客的非常奇怪的故事。
This was in Bloomfield, New Jersey.
这是在新泽西州的布卢姆菲尔德。
My dad died in a car crash when I was a baby, so my mom and I moved in with my aunt, grandma, and great grandma.
当我还是个婴儿的时候，我爸爸在一场车祸中去世了，所以我和妈妈搬去和我的姑妈、奶奶和曾奶奶住在一起。
We lived in a two story house with a basement.
我们住在一栋带地下室的两层楼房子里。
Each floor had a different set of women.
每层楼都有不同的女性。
The only other guy in the house besides me was our tenant, John.
除了我之外，房子里唯一的人就是我们的房客约翰。
He rented out our living room.
他把我们的客厅出租了。
John was always there, lying on the rug, shirtless, in black sweatpants, eating waffles, and watching animal shows.
约翰总是在那里，光着上身、穿着黑色运动裤躺在地毯上，吃着华夫饼，看着动物表演。
My grandma didn't like John.
我奶奶不喜欢约翰。
She treated him like a second class citizen.
她对待他就像对待二等公民一样。
Whenever she walked through the living room, she'd look at him and grunt.
每当她走过客厅时，她都会看着他并咕哝着。
She was fixated on keeping him away from all our food.
她一心想让他远离我们所有的食物。
I'd open the fridge and there'd be stickers on everything there.
我打开冰箱，里面的所有东西都贴有贴纸。
Milk, cold cuts, leftover pasta.
牛奶、冷盘、剩下的面食。
They all said "Not for John." Then one day I thought I overheard my aunt saying John and Grandma Vicki were married.
他们都说“不适合约翰”。然后有一天，我以为我无意中听到姨妈说约翰和维基奶奶结婚了。
And I'm like, what?
我想，什么？
And you said to me "John is married to Grandma Vicki?
你对我说“约翰和维基奶奶结婚了？
That's her husband?"
那是她丈夫？”
That's my mom.
那是我妈妈。
Mother Devito I was like, "Yeah, who did you think he was?" You actually didn't know that they were married.
德维托妈妈我当时想，“是啊，你以为他是谁？”其实你不知道他们已经结婚了。
No, I didn't know that we're married.
不，我不知道我们结婚了。
You know why?
你知道为什么吗？
Because nobody told me.
因为没人告诉我。
I only said it maybe one time.
我只说过一次。
Because that was a joke to us.
因为那对我们来说就是一个笑话。
They weren't a happy couple any longer.
他们不再是幸福的情侣了。
But I didn't realize that you gave it a category in your head like that.
但我没有意识到你在头脑中给它这样的分类。
Nobody ever-- Mother Devito I was shocked when you said that to me, because how could you not figure that out?
从来没有人——德维托妈妈，当你对我这么说时，我很震惊，因为你怎么可能不明白这一点？
He was our father.
他是我们的父亲。
Because he lived in the living room and nobody ever called him, this is my father, or this is my grandfather.
因为他住在客厅，从来没有人叫过他，这是我的父亲，或者这是我的祖父。
No one ever said that.
从来没有人这么说过。
But it didn't hurt you.
但这并没有伤害你。
Anthony Devito No, it didn't hurt me, but that is weird to just one day be like, oh, the tenant is my grandfather.
安东尼·德维托：不，这并没有伤害我，但是有一天我会说，哦，房客是我的祖父，这很奇怪。
Since you put it that way.
既然你这么说。
Anthony Devito So how many years just about was he living there before, you know, he eventually gets kicked out or whatever?
安东尼·德维托（Anthony Devito） 那么他之前在那里住了多少年，你知道，他最终被赶了出来还是其他什么？
It's too far back.
太落后了。
Anthony Devito Right.
安东尼·德维托 对。
And plus, when I don't like something, I block it out.
另外，当我不喜欢某件事时，我会阻止它。
So I can remember some of it, but if I don't want to remember it, it's gone.
所以我可以记住一些，但如果我不想记住它，它就消失了。
It goes.
一切顺利。
OK, OK.
好的，好的。
But how long, just approximate from when he moves into the living room till he gets out of the house?
但是从他搬进客厅到离开房子需要多长时间？
15 years.
15 年。
Anthony Devito About 15 years?
安东尼·德维托 大约 15 年？
Yeah, mhm.
是的，嗯。
Anthony Devito That is insane.
安东尼·德维托 这太疯狂了。
15 years he lived in the living room?
他在客厅住了15年？
I'm 33 now, and two and a half decades have passed since I learned that John was my grandpa.
我现在 33 岁了，距离我知道约翰是我的爷爷已经过去了两年半。
And you know what?
你知道吗？
This conversation that you're hearing right now, this is the first time my mom and I have ever talked about it since that day when I was eight.
你现在听到的这段对话，是我和妈妈自从我八岁那一天以来第一次谈论这个话题。
There were so many lies happening in the house at one time, do you know what I mean?
家里一下子发生了很多谎言，你明白我的意思吗？
Because nobody was just saying what was going on.
因为没有人只是在说发生了什么。
It was like a corrupt government or something.
这就像一个腐败的政府什么的。
I don't even know.
我什至不知道。
It seemed normal to us.
这对我们来说似乎很正常。
Whatever the situation is, you want to make it seem as normal as can be.
无论情况如何，您都想让它看起来尽可能正常。
Think about that for a second, what that says about my family's aggressive lack of interest in processing feelings.
想一想，这说明了我的家人对处理感情缺乏兴趣。
So being a DeVito, I learned John was my grandpa, and then I didn't change anything about my behavior at all towards him.
因此，作为德维托人，我得知约翰是我的祖父，然后我对他的行为没有任何改变。
And he didn't act any different with me either.
他对我的表现也没有什么不同。
He stayed the tenant.
他继续做房客。
Here's how my grandpa ended up in the doghouse.
这就是我爷爷最后被关进狗窝的经过。
One day, years before I was born, Grandma goes out to move Grandpa's car in the driveway.
有一天，也就是我出生前几年，奶奶出去把爷爷停在车道上的汽车搬走。
She pulls down the sun visor.
她拉下遮阳板。
And all these on the envelopes fell on me.
信封上的所有这些都落在了我身上。
I said, what the heck?
我说，到底是什么？
These are apartments that he rented that he-- I don't want to really go into this crap.
这些是他租的公寓，我不想真正陷入这种废话。
Not now, and I don't want to remember.
现在不行，我也不想回忆。
I really don't.
我真的不知道。
I got you.
我接到你了。
My mom filled me in on the details my grandma couldn't bring herself to say.
我妈妈向我讲述了我奶奶无法说出的细节。
The envelopes contained pictures of Grandpa with another woman-- the one he was renting secret apartments for.
信封里有爷爷和另一位女人的照片——也就是他为之租用秘密公寓的女人。
For Grandma, the marriage was over.
对于奶奶来说，婚姻已经结束了。
But Grandpa John refused to move out, because he always denied ever having an affair.
但约翰爷爷拒绝搬出去，因为他一直否认有外遇。
And Grandma never filed for divorce because she didn't have the money to move herself and four kids.
奶奶从未提出离婚，因为她没有钱搬家和四个孩子。
There was a total standoff in the house.
屋子里陷入了彻底的僵局。
So then he took upon himself to sleep on the floor in the living room, because he never was going to sleep in my bedroom.
于是他就睡在客厅的地板上，因为他永远不会睡在我的卧室里。
Right.
正确的。
Didn't he ever want to get back together or try to win you back in any way?
难道他就不想复合或者试图以任何方式赢回你吗？
No. No, I don't think so.
不，不，我不这么认为。
Because I know he thought it was hopeless.
因为我知道他认为这是没有希望的。
Because what he did was more than I can ever understand.
因为他所做的事情超出了我所能理解的范围。
So did you guys establish any ground rules between the two of you, places he was allowed to go?
那么你们两个之间有没有制定任何基本规则，他可以去的地方？
Did you talk at all?
你有说话吗？
Because you were in the same house.
因为你们在同一所房子里。
No, never.
不，从来没有。
He only came in late at night.
他是深夜才进来的。
Then he'd be gone in the morning.
然后早上他就走了。
So we didn't connect.
所以我们没有联系。
No.
不。
I remember all the food in the fridge was marked "Not for John."
我记得冰箱里的所有食物都标有“不适合约翰”。
Yeah.
是的。
Well, yeah, because I felt I wasn't going to pay to feed the bum.
嗯，是的，因为我觉得我不会花钱去养活流浪汉。
Would you just in your head just pretend he wasn't there?
你会在心里假装他不存在吗？
You have to.
你必须这样做。
What are you going to do?
你会怎样做？
He's not worth me going to the crazy house for, no way.
他不值得我去疯屋，绝对不行。
No way.
决不。
They hadn't always been unhappy.
他们并不总是不快乐。
She says he was this charming, funny guy who loved to dance and bought her beautiful gifts, rings, necklaces, a blue fox fur coat.
她说他是一个迷人、有趣的人，喜欢跳舞，给她买了漂亮的礼物、戒指、项链、一件蓝色狐狸皮大衣。
They had four daughters together, big family dinners every night, vacations at the Jersey Shore.
他们有四个女儿，每晚都有丰盛的家庭晚餐，在泽西海岸度假。
It was nice.
很好。
But now she ignored him.
但现在她不理他了。
She chose not to recognize her husband sleeping under the same roof.
她选择不承认睡在同一屋檐下的丈夫。
She never explained to my mom or sisters why their dad had moved into the living room.
她从来没有向我妈妈或姐妹解释为什么他们的爸爸搬进了客厅。
So sometimes they'd sneak him a plate of food or give him some extra money.
所以有时他们会偷偷给他一盘食物或者给他一些额外的钱。
Finally, when I was in seventh grade, they forced him out.
最后，当我七年级时，他们把他赶了出去。
My aunts and great grandma were fed up he wasn't helping with the mortgage.
我的阿姨和曾祖母厌倦了他不帮助偿还抵押贷款。
I never saw him again.
我再也没有见过他。
And soon after, he died of a heart attack.
不久之后，他死于心脏病。
When my grandma heard the news, she was blank, absolutely no emotion.
奶奶听到这个消息时，脸色茫然，完全没有任何情绪。
He'd already been dead to her for years.
他对她来说已经死了很多年了。
There were some other guys who tried with Grandma.
还有其他一些人尝试过和奶奶一起做。
I mean, really tried.
我的意思是，真的尝试过。
Seriously courted her.
认真地向她求爱。
First, there was Mr. Bill, our fix it man.
首先是比尔先生，我们的修理人员。
He'd always try to kiss her, and she'd wiggle out of there.
他总是试图吻她，而她却扭动着离开那里。
Then there was Gene, a school crossing guard.
还有吉恩，一名学校交通警卫。
He wanted to marry her, and proclaimed his love over and over.
他想娶她，并一遍又一遍地表达他的爱。
And her?
而她呢？
There's no other way to say it.
没有其他方法可以说。
She took huge pleasure in turning them down.
她非常高兴地拒绝了他们。
It was the one activity that gave her pure joy.
这是唯一一项给她带来纯粹快乐的活动。
It was hard to watch.
很难看。
I was in high school then, and I feel bad for Gene.
那时我正在上高中，我为吉恩感到难过。
I wanted to pull him aside and be like, dude, just walk away.
我想把他拉到一边然后说，伙计，走开吧。
You're a crossing guard.
你是一名路口警卫。
You of all people should know when to stop.
在所有人中，你应该知道何时停止。
I remember he used to leave these sobbing voicemails, private outpourings of emotion.
我记得他常常留下这些哭泣的语音邮件，私人的情感流露。
And Grandma would play them for me, laughing while she cleaned the kitchen.
奶奶一边打扫厨房，一边笑着给我弹奏。
Gene would call up crying.
吉恩会哭着打电话来。
Vicki Oh yeah.
维琪哦，是的。
Do you remember that?
你还记得吗？
"Vicki, I love you.
“维琪，我爱你。
Vicki, I miss you.
维琪，我想你。
Vicki, I want to marry you."
维琪，我想嫁给你。”
That's enough.
这就够了。
Oh, he was unbelievable.
哦，他真是难以置信。
I didn't need that.
我不需要那个。
Yeah.
是的。
Vicki I don't need you in my life.
维姬，我的生活中不需要你。
That's the way I felt.
这就是我的感受。
Yeah.
是的。
Vicki I don't need this commotion in my life.
维基 我的生活中不需要这种骚动。
Yeah, that makes sense.
是的，这是有道理的。
I always took it as, I don't know, I guess you were more guarded, or they were paying for what Grandpa did.
我一直认为，我不知道，我猜你更加谨慎，或者他们正在为爷爷的所作所为付出代价。
Do you know what I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
Whereas, he wronged you, he cheated on you, he hurt you so bad that you wouldn't open up to them because of that.
然而，他冤枉了你，他欺骗了你，他深深地伤害了你，以至于你不会因此而向他们敞开心扉。
Is that accurate at all or no?
这到底准确还是不准确？
I lost a lot of trust in men, huh?
我对男人失去了很多信任，是吗？
Yeah.
是的。
So when my mom walked into the nursing home one day and she saw this guy pulled up next to my grandma in his wheelchair, needless to say, she was surprised.
因此，有一天，当我妈妈走进疗养院，看到这个人坐在轮椅上停在我奶奶旁边时，不用说，她很惊讶。
And she introduced me to Frank to say that's her boyfriend, and they found one another.
她把我介绍给弗兰克，说这是她的男朋友，然后他们就找到了彼此。
How nice that they found one another in this place.
他们在这个地方找到彼此真是太好了。
Right.
正确的。
Mother Devito And I'm like, huh.
德维托妈妈 我想，嗯。
I thought I was hearing things.
我以为我听到了什么。
So I said, how nice.
所以我说，多好啊。
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你。
I didn't know what to say.
我不知道该说什么。
I just tried to hide my surprise because I was startled, wondering what frame of mind she was in.
我只是试图掩饰自己的惊讶，因为我很震惊，想知道她现在的心情。
My mom wondered if she messed up her medication.
我妈妈想知道她是否搞砸了药物。
No, really.
不，真的。
She worried about that.
她担心这一点。
We all did.
我们都这么做了。
Since then, it's been an adjustment, the thought that Grandma could ever have feelings for a man.
从那时起，我就开始调整，认为奶奶可能会对一个男人产生感情。
My grandma moved into the nursing home for health reasons a year ago, and it was brutal, the way those things often are.
一年前，我的祖母因健康原因搬进了疗养院，这很残酷，就像那些事情经常发生的那样。
She'd been living with my mom and my aunt.
她一直和我妈妈和姨妈住在一起。
Their life at home was so close, everyone sitting around the table, up in each other's business in a good way, every day.
他们在家里的生活是如此亲密，每个人都围坐在桌子旁，每天都以一种良好的方式参与彼此的事情。
There were always multiple conversations happening at the same time.
总是有多个对话同时发生。
You jump in and out of them like double Dutch.
你就像荷兰人一样跳进跳出。
And Grandma was the center of it all.
奶奶是这一切的中心。
She held court.
她出庭了。
Her laugh would fill the room.
她的笑声充满了整个房间。
Now she was alone, and she hated it.
现在她孤身一人，她讨厌这样。
She didn't talk to anyone, wouldn't leave her room for months.
她没有和任何人说话，几个月都没有离开过自己的房间。
Every time we visited her, she begged for us to take her home.
每次我们去看望她，她都恳求我们带她回家。
That is, until she met Frank.
也就是说，直到她遇到了弗兰克。
Frank was walking toward me, and he said hello.
弗兰克朝我走来，他跟我打招呼。
And he says, "What's your name?
他说：“你叫什么名字？
I'm Frank." And I told him my name.
我是弗兰克。”我告诉了他我的名字。
Then I find out this guy is blind, totally blind.
然后我发现这个人是瞎子，完全是瞎子。
I felt very bad.
我感觉很糟糕。
And I told him if there's anything that you need or you want me to-- just don't hesitate.
我告诉他，如果你需要什么或者你想让我做什么——就不要犹豫。
Let me know.
让我知道。
My grandma had wheeled up to him and held out her right arm.
我奶奶转过身来，向他伸出了右臂。
Frank had lost his leg and was struggling to make it down the hallway.
弗兰克失去了一条腿，正在艰难地穿过走廊。
That day, he was wearing a prosthetic leg and using a cane.
那天，他戴着假肢，拄着拐杖。
Your grandmother would hold me on one side.
你的祖母会把我抱在一侧。
She said, I won't let you fall.
她说，我不会让你跌倒的。
She said she's going to be my eyes.
她说她将成为我的眼睛。
After that, my grandma always sat next to Frank in the cafeteria.
从那以后，我奶奶在食堂里总是坐在弗兰克旁边。
She used to take charge.
她曾经负责。
She would tell me my juice is here.
她会告诉我我的果汁在这里。
Whatever I'm getting ready consume is here, on my left, on my right.
无论我准备吃什么，都在这里，在我的左边，在我的右边。
Wait, hon.
等等，亲爱的。
I'm going to turn the dish around so that you can eat the fish, because the fish is in front of you, and the fish is very good.
我要把菜翻过来，让你吃鱼，因为鱼就在你面前，而且鱼很好吃。
Over that way.
过了那条路。
That's it.
就是这样。
OK?
好的？
As long as I can find my mouth I'm all right.
只要我能找到我的嘴，我就没事。
I get a lot of help from you.
我从你那里得到了很多帮助。
They're like a couple of cozy cellmates, playing cards, watching Family Feud.
他们就像一对温馨的狱友，一边打牌，一边看《家庭世仇》。
Frank can't see anything, so Grandma gives him the play by play.
弗兰克什么也看不见，所以奶奶一个接一个地给他讲故事。
They talk about what life was like on the outside.
他们谈论外面的生活是什么样的。
She loved a beer at the end of a long day.
她喜欢在漫长的一天结束后喝一杯啤酒。
For Frank, it was rum and Coke.
对于弗兰克来说，是朗姆酒和可乐。
Frank told my grandma he used to work at a factory, wrapping products and plastic.
弗兰克告诉我奶奶，他曾经在一家工厂工作，包装产品和塑料。
And like her, he was married and had his heart broken.
和她一样，他也结婚了，但他的心也碎了。
He said his wife fell in love and left him for another man.
他说他的妻子爱上了他，并为了另一个男人而离开了他。
Then he lost his eyesight to macular degeneration, then his leg to blood clots.
然后他因黄斑变性而失去了视力，然后他的腿因血栓而失去了视力。
And now he lives in this place.
而现在他就住在这个地方。
It's not the Ritz.
这不是丽兹酒店。
As soon as you get off the elevators, there's just ambient screaming, a full chorus of wails and moans.
当你走出电梯时，周围只有尖叫声、哀号声和呻吟声。
There's a smell of sickness which attaches itself to everything.
一切事物都带有一种病态的气味。
It's a real playground for all five senses.
这是一个真正的五种感官游乐场。
But somehow, Grandma and Frank together make it all a little more tolerable.
但不知何故，奶奶和弗兰克一起让这一切变得更容易忍受。
Good Lord.
善良的主啊。
Frank No matter how much goes on, you never get used to that, right?
弗兰克：无论发生多少事情，你都不会习惯，对吗？
Anthony Devito You know that feeling when you hang out with someone a lot and you just want to be with them all the time, like going home at the end of the day feels like a tiny loss?
安东尼·德维托（Anthony Devito） 你知道当你经常和某人一起出去玩，而你只想一直和他们在一起时，就像一天结束时回家一样，感觉就像是一种小小的损失吗？
That happened to Grandma and Frank.
奶奶和弗兰克就遇到过这种事。
It was just they had to go to their separate rooms.
只是他们必须去各自的房间。
I would realize how much I miss her, and I said to myself, something's going on here.
我会意识到我有多么想念她，我对自己说，这里发生了一些事情。
Soon as I wake up, I'd been looking to hear her voice first.
当我醒来时，我一直想先听听她的声音。
And I told her.
我告诉她。
I said, I never missed anyone the way I miss you when we're apart.
我说，我从来没有像我们分开时想念你那样想念任何人。
So I must be falling for you.
所以我一定是爱上你了。
And evidently, you for me.
显然，你对我来说。
I tell her, you can go ahead and admit it.
我告诉她，你可以承认这一点。
[LAUGHING] Because she knew I was right, and I knew I was right.
[笑]因为她知道我是对的，我也知道我是对的。
So I told her, I love her, and she told me she loved me back.
所以我告诉她，我爱她，她也告诉我她也爱我。
I said, ah-hah.
我说，啊哈。
It slipped out.
它滑了出来。
Vicki He's beautiful.
维琪他很漂亮。
And a lady my age being-- you know, that's magical.
还有一位和我同龄的女士——你知道，这太神奇了。
Lord.
主。
What about the first kiss?
初吻呢？
Tell me about that.
告诉我这件事。
I mean, you have to be more surprised than anybody by this.
我的意思是，你一定比任何人都对此感到惊讶。
Yeah, but I think it's beautiful.
是的，但我觉得它很漂亮。
I really do.
我真的这么做。
I really do.
我真的这么做。
When it comes to Frank, I want to please him.
说到弗兰克，我想让他高兴。
I want to make him happy.
我想让他开心。
Frank, he's special.
弗兰克，他很特别。
And then for two people to be so happy and good with one another, to be finding pleasure and comfort in a place like this, I find a certain contentment being with Frank all the time.
然后，两个人彼此相处得如此幸福和美好，在这样的地方找到快乐和舒适，我发现一直和弗兰克在一起有一种满足感。
I kept asking her to explain this huge transformation, but it's pretty simple, actually.
我一直要求她解释一下这个巨大的转变，但实际上很简单。
She's 90 years old.
她已经90岁了。
She lives in a nursing home, and she fell in love.
她住在疗养院，她坠入爱河。
Recently, Frank asked my grandma to marry him.
最近，弗兰克向我奶奶求婚了。
She said yes.
她说是的。
Anthony DeVito is a comedian in New York.
安东尼·德维托是纽约的喜剧演员。
His website, anthonydevitocomedy.com
他的网站 anthonydevitocomedy.com
[MUSIC - "LOVE REALLY CHANGED ME" BY SPOOKY TOOTH]
[音乐 - Spooky Tooth 的“爱真的改变了我”]
Act Two: Streetwise M This is my first time.
第二幕：Streetwise M 这是我第一次。
I have never, ever used this bus pass and the bus system.
我从来没有使用过这张公交卡和公交系统。
I heard it's terrible.
我听说这很可怕。
Let me see.
让我看看。
I think we have to cross.
我想我们必须穿越。
One Monday, she rode a bus as the next of those many steps that she has to do to become an American.
一个星期一，她乘坐公共汽车，这是她成为美国人必须要做的众多步骤中的下一步。
This was a year ago.
这是一年前的事了。
Today's show is a rerun.
今天的节目是重播。
This woman is from Afghanistan, but she lives in Detroit now.
这位女士来自阿富汗，但她现在住在底特律。
There are currently a record number of people-- over 60 million, according to the United Nations-- displaced by violence and persecution and needing to start all over elsewhere, change their lives, transform themselves.
目前，因暴力和迫害而流离失所的人数（根据联合国的数据超过 6000 万人）达到了创纪录的水平，他们需要在其他地方重新开始，改变生活，改变自己。
M is one of them.
M就是其中之一。
She's right now living in a temporary home for asylum seekers called Freedom House.
她现在住在一个名为“自由之家”的寻求庇护者临时住所。
And at Freedom House, they've taught her how to put together an American style resume and go to the doctor in America.
在自由之家，他们教她如何制作一份美式简历并在美国去看医生。
Today's lesson is how to get around the city independently.
今天的课程是如何独立游览城市。
This turns out to be one of the most critical skills if you're going to get a job or really do much of anything in this country, right?
如果您要在这个国家找到一份工作或真正做很多事情，这将是最关键的技能之一，对吧？
And the Detroit buses are chronically late and confusing.
底特律的公交车长期迟到，而且令人困惑。
And in the past, other Freedom House refugees have gotten lost for hours when they've been sent out on their very first bus ride.
过去，其他自由之家难民在第一次乘坐公共汽车出去时就会迷路几个小时。
One of them circled around and around and around on the route, not getting off, until finally the driver asked where the guy was going and then drove the bus to Freedom House, which is actually a couple blocks away from the route, to drop the guy off.
其中一人在路线上绕了一圈又一圈，没有下车，直到最后司机问那家伙要去哪里，然后把巴士开到距离路线有几个街区的自由之家让那家伙下车。
Since then, to minimize mishaps, usually a volunteer goes with.
从那时起，为了尽量减少事故，通常会有志愿者陪同。
And, because I wanted to record this, Freedom House decided not to send a volunteer.
而且，因为我想记录这一点，自由之家决定不派志愿者。
They informed me when I arrived, basically, I would be the volunteer.
当我到达时他们告诉我，基本上，我将成为志愿者。
I have you with me, so I'm not afraid that I will be lost.
有你在身边，我就不怕迷路。
Unfortunately for both of us-- well, mostly unfortunately for her-- I've never ridden a bus in Detroit.
对我们俩来说不幸的是——嗯，对她来说最不幸的是——我从来没有在底特律坐过公共汽车。
I really know nothing about Detroit.
我对底特律真的一无所知。
OK, so let's look at the map and just see when we're supposed to do our next thing.
好的，让我们看一下地图，看看我们什么时候应该做下一件事。
OK, we will arrive to Outer Drive.
好的，我们将到达外驱动器。
Then we have to change and take another bus, bus number 125.
然后我们必须换乘另一辆公共汽车，125路公共汽车。
So wait, we get off here and then we walk to here?
等等，我们在这里下车，然后步行到这里？
Is that what that means?
是这个意思吗？
No, no, no. We don't walk.
不，不，不。我们不走路。
This is the bus.
这是公共汽车。
We're heading to southwest Detroit, to a neighborhood called Lincoln Park, to an apartment complex called Indian Village Apartments as just practice reaching a destination.
我们将前往底特律西南部，前往一个名为林肯公园的社区，前往一个名为印第安村公寓的公寓大楼，作为到达目的地的练习。
We ride the number 19 bus for over half an hour.
我们乘坐19路公交车半个多小时。
We have to get off here?
我们必须在这里下车吗？
DRIVER: Yeah, this is the last stop.
司机：是的，这是最后一站。
Thank you so much.
太感谢了。
Ira Glass Thank you so much.
艾拉·格拉斯 非常感谢。
We're supposed to transfer to another bus, but it's not so clear where we're supposed to do that.
我们应该换乘另一辆公共汽车，但不太清楚我们应该在哪里换乘。
This is a moment that sometimes trips up other refugees, the transfer points, because they're afraid to approach strangers and ask for help.
这个时刻有时会让其他难民、转移点绊倒，因为他们害怕接近陌生人并寻求帮助。
M does not pause.
M没有停顿。
She sees two young guys sitting on a railing at a convenience store in front of a shiny black Mustang, and strides purposefully up to them.
她看到两个年轻人坐在一家便利店的栏杆上，前面是一辆闪亮的黑色野马，于是她故意大步走向他们。
She's not very tall, 40-ish, wears squarish glasses and a hijab, a scarf covering her head.
她个子不高，40岁左右，戴着方形眼镜，戴着头巾，头上盖着围巾。
Excuse me.
打扰一下。
I'm going to this area, Indian Village Apartments.
我要去这个地区，印第安村公寓。
So I have to get bus number 125.
所以我必须坐125路公交车。
Yeah.
是的。
If you want to get the bus, but if you want a ride, we can take you.
如果您想乘坐巴士，但如果您想搭车，我们可以载您。
He and his friend smile at her.
他和他的朋友对她微笑。
It's a smile that says they're flirting with her, but that also says that they know this is not going to work with this devout Muslim lady standing in front of them.
这是一个微笑，表明他们正在与她调情，但这也表明他们知道这对站在他们面前的这位虔诚的穆斯林女士来说是行不通的。
They know that they're going through the motions of hitting on her, because, well, that's just what you do, I guess.
他们知道他们正在做着勾引她的动作，因为，嗯，我猜你就是这么做的。
No, thank you so much.
不，非常感谢。
I have to wait for the bus.
我得等公共汽车。
No problem.
没问题。
No problem.
没问题。
M Thank you so much.
非常感谢。
So it means I have to wait here, yeah?
所以这意味着我必须在这里等待，是吗？
Yeah, let me see if it's the right stop.
是的，让我看看这站是否合适。
Yeah, I think you got to wait right here.
是的，我想你必须在这里等。
Thank you so much.
太感谢了。
Ira Glass M, maybe you can tell, is this super capable person who seems to have no problem in any situation I see her in, finding out what she needs to know and making things happen.
Ira Glass M，也许你能看出来，是一个超级有能力的人，在我看到她的任何情况下似乎都没有问题，找出她需要知道的事情并让事情发生。
In other words, figuring out how to ride a bus is child's play to her.
换句话说，学会如何乘坐公交车对她来说简直就是小菜一碟。
She's a college grad with a bachelor's in business administration.
她是一名大学毕业生，拥有工商管理学士学位。
Back home in Kabul, did project management for an international organization, humanitarian projects.
回到喀布尔的家乡后，为一个国际组织的人道主义项目进行项目管理。
I was responsible, for example, to make need assessments and then to check every stage of that project with the implementing part.
例如，我负责进行需求评估，然后检查该项目的每个阶段的实施部分。
It's not unusual of course, but this immigrant who's used to a job in her own country managing things and doing PowerPoint presentations and looking at Excel spreadsheets is hoping here in America, that she'll get work as a seamstress if she she's lucky.
这当然并不罕见，但这位习惯在自己国家管理事务、做 PowerPoint 演示和查看 Excel 电子表格工作的移民希望在美国，如果幸运的话，她能找到裁缝的工作。
She got her papers to work legally a month ago, and looking for work so far has landed nothing.
一个月前，她拿到了合法工作的证件，但到目前为止，她一直在寻找工作，但一无所获。
OK, these two cards?
好吧，这两张卡？
This one's always first.
这个永远是第一位的。
The driver on the second just shows M how to use the transfer.
第二个司机只是向M展示了如何使用接送服务。
Slide through here.
滑过这里。
This one comes behind it and slide this through here.
这个人来到它后面并将其滑过这里。
This is only worth $1.50.
这仅值 1.50 美元。
On the second bus, we're hoping to get off at the corner of Ford and Brest.
在第二辆巴士上，我们希望在福特和布雷斯特的拐角处下车。
The driver tells M that he's just filling in, so he can't help us.
司机告诉M他只是来填表，所以帮不了我们。
He doesn't know the stops.
他不知道停靠站。
There's an automated system that calls out the stops as the bus approaches each one.
有一个自动化系统，可以在公交车接近每个站点时呼叫站点。
It's pretty quiet.
非常安静。
He just said Ford and Brest.
他只是说福特和布雷斯特。
M It was too loud.
M 声音太大了。
It was not too loud.
声音不太大。
We wait for the bus to pull over.
我们等待公共汽车靠边停车。
The automated system names other streets, Oakdale, Wesley, Birrell.
自动化系统会命名其他街道：Oakdale、Wesley、Birrell。
And suddenly I realize--
突然我意识到——
We need to ring it.
我们需要按响它。
We need to ring it to make him stop, don't we?
我们需要按铃让他停下来，不是吗？
Sorry?
对不起？
Ira Glass We need to pull the thing to make him stop.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 我们需要拉那个东西才能让他停下来。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Ira Glass No, she doesn't know.
艾拉·格拉斯：不，她不知道。
Because in Kabul, that's not how you get the guy to stop the bus.
因为在喀布尔，这不是让那个人停下公共汽车的方法。
That's why she has an American with her.
这就是为什么她身边有一个美国人。
I pull the cord.
我拉动绳子。
You know, she doesn't even know the English word for "cord" yet.
你知道，她还不知道“绳索”的英文单词。
She knows rope, sure but cord?
她当然知道绳子，但是绳子呢？
That's a more subtle one.
这是一种更微妙的情况。
She hasn't heard that one yet.
她还没听过那句话。
A guy in a trucker hat hears us talking about how we're looking for Ford and Brest.
一个戴着卡车司机帽子的家伙听到我们正在谈论如何寻找福特和布雷斯特。
We want Ford and Brest.
我们想要福特和布雷斯特。
Man It's like six blocks that way.
伙计，那条路大约有六个街区。
We passed it?
我们通过了吗？
Man Yeah, it's six blocks that way.
伙计 是的，那边有六个街区。
We climb off the bus.
我们下了公共汽车。
Ira Glass OK, so here's what we learned.
Ira Glass 好的，这就是我们了解到的情况。
By "no" of course, what I mean is "yes."
当然，我所说的“不”是指“是”。
We missed our stop?
我们错过了站吗？
Ira Glass We missed our stop.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 我们错过了车站。
So what should we do now?
那么我们现在应该做什么呢？
Ira Glass We walk back six blocks.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 我们往回走六个街区。
OK.
好的。
Ira Glass Like I said, for somebody who lived through Taliban rule, whose previous job was humanitarian relief in the middle of a war, this is still not much of a challenge.
Ira Glass 就像我说的，对于经历过塔利班统治、之前的工作是战争期间的人道主义救援的人来说，这仍然不是什么太大的挑战。
Because learning to do concrete tasks, like using a bus transfer, that is not the hard part of turning yourself from an Afghan into an American.
因为学习执行具体任务（例如使用公共汽车接送）并不是将自己从阿富汗人变成美国人的困难部分。
The hard part is that M is here alone.
困难的是M独自一人在这里。
She came here for a conference a year ago.
一年前她来这里参加一个会议。
But while she was here, word got to her that certain people back home did not like what she was doing, working and traveling with foreigners.
但当她在这里的时候，有消息告诉她，家乡的某些人不喜欢她所做的事情，不喜欢她和外国人一起工作和旅行。
And if she came back, she and her family could be killed.
如果她回来，她和她的家人可能会被杀。
That's, by the way, why I'm not saying her name.
顺便说一句，这就是为什么我没有说出她的名字。
So she's been apart from her children and her husband for over a year.
因此，她已经与孩子和丈夫分开一年多了。
The youngest don't even know where.
最小的也不知道在哪里。
They think she's in Afghanistan, because it would be dangerous if they would blab to people that she's in America.
他们认为她在阿富汗，因为如果他们向人们宣称她在美国，那将是危险的。
The oldest are teenagers.
年龄最大的是青少年。
The littlest is now just three.
最小的现在只有三岁。
The last time she saw him, he was two.
她最后一次见到他时，他才两岁。
And he doesn't recognize her.
而且他不认识她。
He has no idea who she is when she talks to him on Skype.
当她通过 Skype 与他交谈时，他不知道她是谁。
And the others?
其他人呢？
Yeah, of course, they are asking me when are you coming back?
是的，当然，他们问我你什么时候回来？
So I just tell them, I don't know when.
所以我只是告诉他们，我不知道什么时候。
For me, it's very difficult because I have never been away from my children.
对我来说，这非常困难，因为我从未离开过我的孩子们。
And I was very active with work.
我的工作非常积极。
I was a mom for my children.
我是我孩子们的妈妈。
But here, I'm kind of idle, you know?
但在这里，我有点闲，你知道吗？
Staying at home and doing nothing.
呆在家里什么也不做。
Oh right, of course.
哦，对，当然。
You were busy every second before.
之前你每一秒都在忙碌。
It can take years to get asylum in the United States.
在美国获得庇护可能需要数年时间。
The systems been especially backed up recently, because of the flood of children coming in from Latin America.
由于来自拉丁美洲的大量儿童涌入，这些系统最近得到了特别支持。
M used to have control of her life.
M曾经掌控着她的生活。
And now the most important thing to her in the world, getting to bring her family here, is on a time she cannot predict or control, and really may take four or five years.
现在对她来说，世界上最重要的事情，就是把她的家人带到这里，是在一个她无法预测或控制的时间，而且真的可能需要四五年的时间。
The three-year-old could be eight.
三岁的孩子可能八岁了。
He's not doing well as it is.
他现在过得并不好。
He's acting up.
他正在表演。
He's a handful for his dad.
对于他的父亲来说，他是个难缠的人。
But today, the sun's shining.
但今天，阳光明媚。
It's unseasonably warm.
天气异常温暖。
We finish walking the few blocks back to where we're supposed to be.
我们走了几个街区回到了我们应该去的地方。
This is our final destination.
这是我们的最终目的地。
These are the Indian Village Apartments.
这些是印第安乡村公寓。
This is our final destination.
这是我们的最终目的地。
You said that just like it says on the little computer map.
你说的就像电脑小地图上说的那样。
"You've arrived.
“你已经到了。
You've arrived at your final destination."
你已经到达最终目的地了。”
You've arrived.
你已经到了。
Go down that road and your destination is on the left.
沿着那条路走，你的目的地就在左边。
So this is left, so it totally matches what we see on the map.
所以这是剩下的，所以它与我们在地图上看到的完全一致。
The tiniest of tiny victories.
微小的胜利中最微小的。
And since we first ran this story a year ago, she's had some more.
自从我们一年前第一次报道这个故事以来，她已经有了更多的报道。
She has a job, a place to live.
她有工作，有住处。
She does not ride the bus anymore.
她不再乘坐公共汽车了。
She drives.
她开车。
One more step to becoming a real American.
成为真正的美国人又迈出了一步。
Coming up, shy man makes himself unshy without the aid of powdermilk biscuits, because you cannot get powdermilk biscuits in prison, and of course also they don't exist.
接下来，害羞的人在没有奶粉饼干的帮助下让自己变得不害羞，因为你在监狱里买不到奶粉饼干，当然也不存在奶粉饼干。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，我们每周的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的不同类型的故事。
Today's show for the new year, as people make resolutions, we have a show that we first ran a year ago about transformers-- people willing themselves to change from one kind of person to another, trying to alter something fundamental about themselves.
今天的新年节目，当人们做出决定时，我们有一个一年前首次举办的关于变形金刚的节目——人们愿意自己从一种人变成另一种人，试图改变自己的一些根本性的东西。
We've arrived at Act Three of our program.
我们已经到了节目的第三幕了。
Act Three, Afterburner.
第三幕，加力。
So there are things I think lots of us think we might fix about ourselves.
所以我认为我们很多人都认为我们可以解决自己的一些问题。
You know, like, someday, when we get around to it.
你知道，就像有一天，当我们有时间去做的时候。
And then for some of us, that day arrives, and we try to rise to the occasion.
然后对于我们中的一些人来说，那一天到来了，我们努力应对这一局面。
Keith O'Brien met a guy like that.
基思·奥布莱恩遇到了这样的人。
Richard Pierce caught my attention the moment I met him.
我一见到理查德·皮尔斯就引起了我的注意。
Rich is a prisoner of the Northern New Hampshire Correctional Facility, way up by the Canadian border, the North Country, people call it.
里奇是新罕布什尔州北部惩教所的囚犯，该所位于加拿大边境，人们称之为“北国”。
He's unusually open, way more than most prisoners.
他异常开放，比大多数囚犯都要开放。
There's a good chance he's going to be released next year.
他明年出狱的可能性很大。
And he talks frankly about how much that scares him.
他坦言这让他感到多么害怕。
But he's trying to prepare himself for that moment by joining a club called Toastmasters.
但他正努力加入一个名为 Toastmasters 的俱乐部，为这一刻做好准备。
At Toastmasters, people give speeches.
在演讲会上，人们发表演讲。
Here in the prison, it's supposed to help inmates learn how to speak when they're in front of the parole board or in a job interview, say.
例如，在监狱里，它应该帮助囚犯学习如何在假释委员会面前或在工作面试中说话。
And he needs to practice, because for years in prison, Rich said nothing to no one.
他需要练习，因为在监狱里多年，里奇没有对任何人说过一句话。
He worked out alone, walked the yard alone, ate in the chow hall alone.
他一个人锻炼，一个人在院子里散步，一个人在食堂吃饭。
Even for prison, Rich was weirdly quiet, no conversation, no give and take.
即使在监狱里，里奇也出奇地安静，没有交谈，没有给予和索取。
He was a ghost in a green uniform.
他是一个穿着绿色制服的幽灵。
Because that's a good way to do time.
因为这是打发时间的好方法。
And before you know it, the calendar is going by.
不知不觉间，日历就过去了。
And before you know it, it's almost time to go.
不知不觉间，就快到出发的时间了。
And you realize that you don't really know how to talk to people anymore.
你意识到你真的不知道如何与人交谈了。
And that's kind of a scary thing.
这是一件可怕的事情。
What do you mean?
你是什么意思？
What have you realized about that?
对此你意识到了什么？
Well, it's really freaking me out just talking to you.
好吧，和你说话真的让我感到害怕。
You're doing a great job.
你做得很好。
Richard Pierce And that's not normal, though.
理查德·皮尔斯 但这并不正常。
I mean, you want to be more comfortable with people.
我的意思是，你想与人相处得更自在。
And that's my goal for the next year, is to get away from how I used to be.
这就是我明年的目标，就是摆脱以前的样子。
That's what led me to prison in the first place, not dealing with normal situations and holding back from people, not reaching out for help when you need it.
这就是导致我入狱的首要原因，不处理正常情况，不与人交往，在需要时不寻求帮助。
And that's one of the things I need to change.
这是我需要改变的事情之一。
It's not fun to be alone all the time.
一直一个人呆着并不好玩。
So I have to change that.
所以我必须改变这一点。
Rich is 52 years old, a big guy, thick and muscular, with a long history of arsons.
里奇今年52岁，身材魁梧，肌肉发达，有很长的纵火史。
He's been locked up for 28 of the past 30 years, actually.
事实上，过去 30 年里他有 28 年被关押。
But before a recent Toastmasters speech, this prison lifer, he looked like he could barely breathe.
但在最近一次 Toastmasters 演讲之前，这位监狱服刑人员看起来几乎无法呼吸。
How are you doing, Rich?
你好吗，里奇？
Richard Pierce I'm a little freaking out right now.
理查德·皮尔斯 我现在有点害怕。
Do I look OK?
我看起来还好吗？
I'm very anxious.
我很着急。
My heart's beating out of my chest.
我的心快要跳出胸腔了。
I'm very nervous.
我很紧张。
I'm taking a lot of deep breaths.
我做了很多深呼吸。
Everything will be fine.
一切都会好起来的。
I'm nervous, but everything will be fine.
我很紧张，但一切都会好起来的。
I've been preparing for this for a couple of weeks.
我为此准备了几周。
Toastmasters is part of Rich's master plan.
Toastmasters 是 Rich 总体规划的一部分。
It's all about re-engaging with people, with the world.
这一切都是为了重新与人、与世界接触。
He feels like if he can stand up in front of people and talk, he'll be OK in normal conversation.
他觉得如果他能站在人们面前说话，他就可以进行正常的交谈。
He'll be OK everywhere.
他到处都会没事。
What do you think of that?
你对此有何看法？
Keith O'Brien I think it's a great plan.
Keith O'Brien 我认为这是一个很棒的计划。
Wow, OK.
哇，好吧。
And you're a real person and you think?
你是一个真实的人，你认为呢？
I'm a real person.
我是一个真实的人。
Richard Pierce Well, that's good then.
理查德·皮尔斯：好吧，那很好。
I'm a real person.
我是一个真实的人。
The way Rich isolated himself in prison, he wasn't so different before he was locked up.
里奇在监狱里孤立自己的方式与入狱前并没有什么不同。
When I ask why, he explains his mom drank, and she'd hit him, belittle him in front of his friends.
当我问为什么时，他解释说他妈妈喝酒了，她会打他，在朋友面前贬低他。
She would say, "What the hell do they want to go out with you for?
她会说：“他们到底想和你出去做什么？
You ain't got friends.
你没有朋友。
They don't want you there.
他们不希望你在那里。
They're just saying they're your friends.
他们只是说他们是你的朋友。
You're an idiot.
你是个白痴。
You're stupid.
你真傻。
You're this.
你就是这个
You're that."
你就是那个。”
And before I know it, I'm like, "Yeah, why do they want to hang out with me?" And especially girls would come over to the house, "Hey, is Richard home?"
在我意识到之前，我就想，“是啊，为什么他们想和我一起出去玩？”尤其是女孩们会来到家里，“嘿，理查德在家吗？”
My mom would say, and very loudly so they could hear, "What the hell is she doing here?
我妈妈会说，而且声音很大，以便他们能听到：“她到底在这里做什么？
She doesn't want to go out with you.
她不想和你出去。
Look at her.
看看她。
She's cute.
她很可爱。
She's ain't got nothing to do with you.
她跟你没有任何关系
You're an idiot.
你是个白痴。
What makes you think that she wants to go out with you?
是什么让你认为她想和你出去？
She's just trying to trick you somehow." And before I know it, I push them away because I'm not sure what they're up to.
她只是想以某种方式欺骗你。”在我意识到之前，我把他们推开了，因为我不确定他们在做什么。
Totally isolated, Rich started setting things on fire, abandoned cars, abandoned houses.
完全孤立无援的里奇开始放火焚烧废弃的汽车、废弃的房屋。
No one ever got hurt.
没有人受伤。
He says he just had to do it.
他说他只是不得不这么做。
I'm trying to put my finger on it.
我正试图把手指放在上面。
I can't.
我不能。
Well, when you're told bad things so many times, over, and over, and over, and you're getting hit, and you're getting beat, and you can't get out of the house, you can't go nowhere-- when you finally get out, it's such a release just to throw things on the fire and watch it get bigger, and bigger, and bigger, until it consumes everything.
好吧，当你一遍又一遍地被告知坏话时，你会被打，被殴打，你无法离开家，你哪儿也去不了——当你最终离开时，把东西扔到火上，看着它变得越来越大，直到它吞噬一切，这就是一种释放。
And it felt like what it was consuming, it was consuming everything inside me so I didn't have to deal with it anymore.
感觉就像它正在消耗什么，它正在消耗我内心的一切，所以我不必再处理它了。
And the bigger they were, the more things it consumed out of me.
它们越大，它从我身上消耗的东西就越多。
Because when I walked away, even though I smelt like smoke, I felt so much better.
因为当我走开时，尽管我闻起来像烟味，但我感觉好多了。
I was ready to take on anything life had for me after that.
在那之后，我已经准备好承担生活中的一切。
Whereas the day before that, I couldn't take another thing.
而前一天，我无法接受另一件事。
I couldn't.
我不能。
I just couldn't bear another thing.
我只是无法忍受另一件事。
He burned up a bulldozer and got arrested.
他烧毁了一台推土机并被捕。
He burned down a vacant restaurant and got arrested again.
他烧毁了一家空置的餐馆，并再次被捕。
But his big crime happened on July 17th, 2000.
但他的大案发生在2000年7月17日。
He'd been released from prison just 45 days earlier.
45 天前他刚刚出狱。
Rich burned down a restaurant in a big condominium building near a ski resort.
里奇烧毁了滑雪胜地附近一栋大型公寓大楼内的一家餐厅。
He was sentenced to up to 60 years in prison.
他被判处最高 60 年监禁。
He earned parole in 2010 on one of his two arson charges.
2010 年，他因两项纵火指控之一获得假释。
And he knew he'd come up for parole on the other arson charge five years later.
他知道五年后他将因另一项纵火指控而获得假释。
That's when Rich decided he couldn't be alone anymore.
就在那时，里奇决定他不能再孤单了。
5 years, that's right around the corner.
5年，指日可待。
I got 10 years in already.
我已经10年了。
[BLEEP] I might get out after all.
[BLEEP] 我也许可以出去。
It's only one more president away.
只剩下一位总统了。
[BLEEP] What am I going to do?
[BLEEP] 我要做什么？
Where am I going to live?
我要住在哪里？
Where am I going to work?
我要去哪里工作？
I'm going to be real pretty soon.
我很快就会成为现实。
I can't just not talk to people anymore.
我不能再不跟人说话了。
I can't be isolated anymore.
我不能再被孤立了。
And that's when the realization hit me that I need to start practicing.
就在那时我意识到我需要开始练习。
He joined the prison chess club.
他加入了监狱象棋俱乐部。
He began eating with others, forced himself to do it.
他开始和别人一起吃饭，强迫自己也这么做。
And the prison psychologists, the mental gals, Rich calls them, gave him a challenge.
监狱里的心理学家，里奇称她们为“精神女孩”，给了他一个挑战。
Speak to three people, three, in a single day.
一天内与三个人交谈，三个人。
One morning, Rich woke up, got dressed, and approached a total stranger on the cell block thinking, "OK, I'll try."
一天早上，里奇醒来，穿好衣服，走向牢房里的一个完全陌生的人，心想：“好吧，我会尝试的。”
I said, "Hey, mind if I sit down for a minute?" And he looked up at me really quizzical.
我说：“嘿，介意我坐下来一会儿吗？”他抬头看着我，眼神里充满了疑惑。
He says, "I've been on this pod six months, and that's the first time I ever heard you speak." That's like a slap in the face.
他说：“我在这个吊舱里已经六个月了，这是我第一次听到你说话。”这就像一记耳光打在脸上。
It's a realization of how isolated you really are.
这是对你实际上是多么孤立的认识。
I mean, it's a pod with 70 people.
我的意思是，这是一个有 70 人的 Pod。
It's like a fishbowl.
它就像一个鱼缸。
You're all intermingled, and how can you go that long without even hearing your voice?
你们都是混杂的，怎么能走那么久，连自己的声音都听不到？
And how long did you sit there talking with him for?
你坐在那里和他聊了多久？
Oh, about 10 or 15 minutes.
哦，大约10或15分钟。
You know, where are you from, what do you do for work?
你知道，你来自哪里，你做什么工作？
How long you are here?
你在这里多久了？
You know, things like that.
你知道，诸如此类的事情。
I'm from Littleton.
我来自利特尔顿。
Where's that at?
那是在哪里？
Oh, it's right around here.
哦，就在这附近。
Oh, is it near woods?
噢，靠近树林吗？
I like the pond or this or that.
我喜欢池塘或这个或那个。
Yeah, yeah, there's these trails, and this lake, and some other small talk.
是的，是的，有这些小径，还有这个湖，还有一些其他的闲聊。
And as I'm talking, I realize that this isn't nowhere near as difficult as I thought it would be and maybe the mental gals are onto something, because if I can do this here, people don't know they're experiments that I'm practicing for freedom.
当我说话的时候，我意识到这并不像我想象的那么困难，也许精神上的女孩们正在做某事，因为如果我能在这里做到这一点，人们就不知道他们是我为了自由而练习的实验。
They just think it's a normal conversation, but to me it's a lot more.
他们只是认为这是一次正常的谈话，但对我来说，这意义重大。
It's like practice.
这就像练习。
Rich was on the hunt now for two more people.
里奇现在正在寻找另外两个人。
I got to find a communication victim.
我必须找到一个通讯受害者。
I looked over and seen somebody by himself.
我回头一看，发现有人独自一人。
Ah-hah.
啊哈。
He's going to be my experiment.
他将成为我的实验品。
He found victim number two working out.
他发现二号受害者正在锻炼。
They talked about push ups and pull ups, guy stuff.
他们谈论俯卧撑和引体向上，男人的事情。
He cornered victim number three on the basketball court, ended up playing hoops for a while.
他在篮球场上将第三名受害者逼入绝境，最终打了一会儿篮球。
And when the day was over, Rich figured he'd spoken for 45 minutes, a Richard Pierce record.
当这一天结束时，里奇估计他已经讲了 45 分钟，这是理查德·皮尔斯的记录。
The mental gals, the chess, these conversations, they were working.
精神上的女孩、国际象棋、这些谈话，他们都在发挥作用。
But none of them prepared Rich for Toastmasters, the key, he thought, to real change.
但他们都没有为里奇准备参加演讲会，他认为这是真正改变的关键。
Because of course, in Toastmasters, he couldn't just sit there.
当然，在 Toastmasters 中，他不能只是坐在那里。
He had to talk.
他必须说话。
They said, "You want to do an icebreaker speech?" And I'm like, "Icebreaker speech?
他们说：“你想做一个破冰演讲吗？”我想，“破冰演讲？
What are you talking about, icebreaker speech?" That's how freaked out I was, just right then and there.
你在说什么，破冰演讲？”那就是我当时多么害怕。
Your hands were trembling.
你的手在颤抖。
Richard Pierce Yes, the anxiety came that quick.
理查德·皮尔斯 是的，焦虑来得这么快。
I'm like, "OK, if I think I'm just going to get up there, I'm going to fall over and die.
我想，“好吧，如果我以为我能站起来，我就会摔倒而死。
I'm going to have a heart attack.
我心脏病要发作了。
I'm going to fall over and die.
我会摔倒而死。
That's what's going to happen."
这就是将会发生的事情。”
Well, that was my first thought.
嗯，这是我的第一个想法。
Get up, your heart's going to burst and they're going to die.
站起来，你的心要爆炸了，他们会死的。
OK, on to the speaking portion of our program tonight.
好的，接下来我们今晚节目的演讲部分。
Rich, of course, didn't die that night, or the night after that.
当然，里奇并没有在那天晚上或后天晚上死去。
He's been coming to Toastmasters for a few months now, slowly building up the courage to speak and the skills to do it.
他参加 Toastmasters 已经几个月了，慢慢地积累了演讲的勇气和演讲的技巧。
I was at the meeting the night he got up and gave a speech for the second time.
他起床第二次演讲的那天晚上，我就在场。
He was introduced by another prisoner.
他是由另一名囚犯介绍认识的。
Speaker number one, title to his speech is "Yet Another Reason Why It's not a Good Idea to Dress Up as a Police Officer." Mr. Pierce, welcome.
第一个演讲者的演讲标题是“装扮成警察不是一个好主意的另一个原因”。皮尔斯先生，欢迎光临。
Rich's assignment tonight was get to the point.
里奇今晚的任务正切题。
Give a well-structured speech in five to seven minutes.
在五到七分钟内发表结构良好的演讲。
Rich chose to talk about the time 30 years ago he decided to dress up as a cop for Halloween.
里奇选择谈论 30 年前他决定在万圣节装扮成警察的那次经历。
And I worked on myself in the mirror and I was quite impressed.
我对着镜子做了自己的检查，给我留下了深刻的印象。
I was confident I would scare the wits out of my friends and my coworkers.
我有信心我会把我的朋友和同事吓得魂飞魄散。
What could go wrong?
可能会出什么问题？
Watching him talk, I just didn't want him to fail.
看着他说话，我只是不想让他失败。
Here was Rich, standing in front of a dozen people, palms placed flat on the podium.
里奇站在十几个人面前，手掌平放在讲台上。
Then she says, hey, I've got a great idea, her face brightens.
然后她说，嘿，我有一个好主意，她的脸变得明亮起来。
How about if you was to stick your-- point your--
如果你坚持你的——指出你的——怎么样？
He's lost his place, snapping his fingers, trying to remember the words.
他失去了自己的位置，打着响指，试图记住这些话。
Point your cap guns at me?
用你的帽子枪指着我？
And I'll raise my hands and I'll give you the cash out of the drawer.
我会举起手，把抽屉里的现金给你。
Wouldn't that be a gas, she says?
她说，那不是气体吗？
He recovered.
他康复了。
Then his story wandered a little, but he got a lot of laughs.
然后他的故事有点跑题，但他得到了很多笑声。
He connected with the room, a real victory.
他与房间相连，这是一次真正的胜利。
Keith O'Brien After the speech, Rich was really hard on himself.
基思·奥布莱恩 演讲结束后，里奇对自己非常严厉。
In his self-evaluation, he wrote down three words-- "Horrible, needs practice." But his peers were more forgiving.
在自我评价中，他写下了三个字——“糟糕，需要练习”。但他的同龄人更加宽容。
"Excellent job," they wrote.
“干得好，”他们写道。
"Great progress, very good eye contact, very welcoming." They called him "Winning and funny." One inmate said they should have storytelling every Saturday night on the cell block with Mr. Pierce.
“进步很大，眼神交流非常好，非常热情。”他们称他为“胜利且有趣”。一名囚犯说，他们应该每周六晚上在牢房里与皮尔斯先生一起讲故事。
Another told Rich he had nothing to fear.
另一个人告诉里奇他没有什么可害怕的。
He was just as good as anyone else.
他和其他人一样优秀。
Rich had been nervous, trembling even.
里奇很紧张，甚至浑身发抖。
And no one noticed.
没有人注意到。
So my insides don't match up my outsides.
所以我的内心与外表不匹配。
But that's probably true for many people, don't you think?
但这对很多人来说可能都是如此，你不觉得吗？
I do, actually.
事实上，我愿意。
In that way, it's very, very normal.
这样看来，这是非常非常正常的。
Yeah, so that's comforting, that I can always portray myself as confident when I'm not, until it comes naturally, anyway.
是的，所以这很令人欣慰，当我不自信时，我总是可以把自己描绘成自信的人，直到它自然而然地出现。
I got news for you, Rich.
我有消息要告诉你，里奇。
A lot of people on the outside, a lot of quote unquote "real people," they do that all the time.
很多外面的人，很多引用“真实的人”的话，他们一直这样做。
I'm quite sure.
我很确定。
People put on airs all the time.
人们总是摆架子。
People often will act like they're more confident than they really are.
人们常常表现得比实际情况更自信。
It's normal.
这很正常。
Yeah, I suppose so.
是的，我想是的。
I suppose so.
我想是的。
Well, that's comforting to know, that I'm not like a total washout.
好吧，知道我并不是一个彻底崩溃的人，这真是令人欣慰。
No, he's not.
不，他不是。
He doesn't accept it, but it's true.
他不接受，但这是事实。
He's way more normal than he thinks.
他比他想象的要正常得多。
Keith O'Brien in New Hampshire.
新罕布什尔州的基思·奥布莱恩。
Since we first ran this story a year ago, Rich got out on parole and is now married and living in Colorado.
自从我们一年前首次报道这个故事以来，里奇获得了假释，现在已婚并居住在科罗拉多州。
His wife first heard him on our radio show and started writing to him.
他的妻子第一次在我们的广播节目中听到他的声音，并开始给他写信。
They wrote to each other.
他们互相写信。
One thing led to another.
一件事导致了另一件事。
Act Four, Trailbreaker.
第四幕，开拓者。
So it's not just that deciding to change your life can be completely momentous.
因此，决定改变你的生活不仅仅是一件非常重要的事情。
Telling people about the decision can be a big deal too.
告诉人们这个决定也可能是一件大事。
Sean Cole has an example.
肖恩·科尔有一个例子。
The beginning of this story is as ordinary as you can imagine.
这个故事的开始正如你想象的那样平凡。
A kid comes out to his family during Thanksgiving break from college.
一个孩子在感恩节放假期间向家人出柜。
The kid was Andy Greer.
这个孩子就是安迪·格里尔。
It was 1989.
那是1989年。
He said it like this.
他是这样说的。
Mom and Dad, I'm sure it won't surprise you, but I'm gay and I'm really happy about it.
爸爸妈妈，我相信这不会让你们感到惊讶，但我是同性恋，我对此感到非常高兴。
His mom, indeed, was not surprised.
事实上，他的妈妈并不感到惊讶。
His father, he remembers, was very surprised, which was kind of amazing given all of the years Andy spent at musical theater camp.
他记得，他的父亲非常惊讶，考虑到安迪在音乐剧营度过了这么多年，这有点令人惊讶。
Uh-huh.
嗯嗯。
Andy Greer I later discovered a book in my house called Growing Up Straight that had all these rules underlined about how to bring up your child heterosexual.
安迪·格里尔（Andy Greer）后来在我家里发现了一本书，名为《直性成长》（Growing Up Straight），其中强调了如何养育异性恋孩子的所有这些规则。
Wait.
等待。
How to bring up your child as a straight child?
如何把孩子培养成一个正直的孩子？
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
是啊，是啊，是啊。
It was things like take them camping at Civil War sites and collect arrowheads.
就像带他们在内战遗址露营并收集箭头之类的事情。
And I'm like, oh I remember doing that.
我想，哦，我记得这样做过。
That seems very particular.
这看起来很特别。
Andy Greer It was very particular.
安迪·格里尔（Andy Greer） 这非常特别。
Yeah.
是的。
Play mumblety-peg was one of them.
玩“mumblety-peg”就是其中之一。
What is mumblety-peg?
什么是mumblety-peg？
Andy Greer It's where you throw a knife at a stump.
安迪·格里尔 这是你向树桩扔刀的地方。
[LAUGHTER] Which we did that, yeah.
[笑声]我们就是这样做的，是的。
It was fun.
很有趣。
It doesn't seem like even the wrist movement would be helpful.
看起来连手腕运动都没有帮助。
Andy says that night he announced to the mumblety-peg hadn't worked, his dad responded with "I have to think about this a while." And then Andy did what you do in 1989 suburban Maryland when you've just come out to your parents.
安迪说，那天晚上，他向他宣布木钉不起作用，他的父亲回答说：“我必须考虑一下这个问题。”然后安迪做了你在 1989 年马里兰州郊区所做的事情，当时你刚刚向父母出柜。
He drove to the mall and wandered in and out of stores thinking about what just happened.
他开车到商场，在商店里进进出出，思考着刚刚发生的事情。
And when he got back to the parking lot, he realized he'd locked his keys in the car.
当他回到停车场时，他意识到自己把钥匙锁在车里了。
His mom's car that he'd borrowed in order to drive off in a strident blaze of glory.
他借了他妈妈的车，以便在刺耳的荣耀中开走。
Because I ran out of the house like I'd won this round.
因为我跑出了家门，就像我赢了这一轮一样。
So I found a payphone.
所以我找到了公用电话。
It's 1989, right?
现在是 1989 年，对吗？
So I called my mom mortified.
于是我羞愧地给妈妈打电话。
And I thought, "Well, now I've really screwed it up.
我想：“好吧，现在我真的搞砸了。
Locking my keys in the car has proved how I I'm not a responsible adult at all.
把钥匙锁在车里已经证明我根本不是一个负责任的成年人。
How could I even know that I'm gay?"
我怎么知道我是同性恋？”
So Andy's in a snowy parking lot alone.
安迪独自一人在白雪皑皑的停车场。
Finally his mom drives up in the family's other car, gets out, and if this were a much shorter story, she would have simply given him the spare set of keys and driven home.
最后，他的妈妈开着家里的另一辆车过来，下了车，如果这是一个更短的故事，她只会给他一套备用钥匙，然后开车回家。
But instead she unlocks the car and then gets in the other the passenger side and sits in the car with me.
但她却打开车锁，然后进入乘客侧的另一侧，和我一起坐在车里。
And closes the door.
并关上门。
Andy Greer Closes the door.
安迪·格里尔关上门。
Well, I'm thinking, "Oh, no. Now we're going to have the talk." That I fled.
好吧，我在想，“哦，不。现在我们要谈谈了。”我逃跑了。
[GROANING]
[呻吟]
She looked not happy.
她看起来不高兴。
I was ready for that whole thing.
我已经准备好应对这一切了。
"I can't believe what you just did to our family." Something like that.
“我不敢相信你刚刚对我们一家人做了什么。”类似的事情。
And what did she say?
她说了什么？
Andy Greer She said, "About what you said earlier.
安迪·格里尔 她说：“关于你之前所说的。
I think I'm gay too."
我想我也是同性恋。”
What?
什么？
Andy Greer Yeah.
安迪·格里尔 是的。
I was really surprised.
我真的很惊讶。
I don't know-- Andy Greer Really, the emotion I felt was, "I am completely off the hook now." Oh, I thought.
我不知道——安迪·格里尔（Andy Greer）说实话，我当时的感受是，“我现在完全摆脱了困境。”哦，我想。
This, oh my God.
这，天哪。
This is way bigger than my story.
这比我的故事要大得多。
No one's going to care about me.
没有人会关心我。
Like, once I really understood what she was saying--
就像，一旦我真正理解了她在说什么——
You're like, I have nothing to worry about.
你说，我没什么可担心的。
That was the first thing he thought.
这是他首先想到的。
The next thing was more like, what the hell's going on here?
接下来的事情更像是，这里到底发生了什么？
After all, Andy was a 19-year-old college sophomore at this point.
毕竟，此时的安迪已经是十九岁的大学二年级学生了。
He still thought that once you reached middle age, you didn't change anymore.
他还以为，人到了中年，就不再改变了。
Like his parents were these two paintings hanging in the house, paintings that cooked him dinner when he came home.
就像他的父母一样，房子里挂着这两幅画，当他回家时，这些画为他做饭。
I hadn't considered you could actually propose a completely new life, and that you'd been thinking about it all along.
我没想到你真的可以提出一个全新的生活，而且你一直在考虑这件事。
All along?
一直？
My whole life she'd been waiting for this?
她这辈子都在等这个？
Oh, I did forget to say, after she said "I think I'm gay too," long pause, and then she says, "Don't tell your father."
哦，我确实忘了说，在她说“我想我也是同性恋”之后，停顿了很长时间，然后她说，“不要告诉你父亲。”
So you have to keep this secret from your dad.
所以你必须对你爸爸保守这个秘密。
Right.
正确的。
Sean Cole Which is the hugest secret.
肖恩·科尔 这是最大的秘密。
I just couldn't bear it.
我就是无法忍受。
It was such a huge secret.
这是一个如此巨大的秘密。
I'm trying to think of a bigger secret you could keep from your dad.
我正在想一个你可以对你爸爸隐瞒的更大的秘密。
Murder.
谋杀。
Sean Cole You murdered somebody.
肖恩·科尔 你谋杀了某人。
My mom murdered somebody.
我妈妈杀了人。
Sean Cole Your mom murdered somebody.
肖恩·科尔 你妈妈谋杀了某人。
That would be bigger.
那会更大。
Yeah.
是的。
Sean Cole Or your mom is Spider-man.
肖恩·科尔 或者你妈妈是蜘蛛侠。
That's kind of how it felt, like my mom was Spider-man in some way, because to me it was also exciting that I knew her secret identity.
这就是那种感觉，就像我妈妈在某种程度上是蜘蛛侠一样，因为对我来说，我知道她的秘密身份也很令人兴奋。
The things were all together in my head.
所有的事情都在我的脑海里。
Well, it was not Thanksgiving.
好吧，那不是感恩节。
It was January of 1990.
那是 1990 年 1 月。
This, of course, is Andy's mom, Sandra Greer.
当然，这是安迪的妈妈桑德拉·格里尔。
She remembers the story a little differently than Andy in places-- not only that it wasn't on Thanksgiving, but also that she and Andy's dad started wondering if Andy might be gay when he was four years old, hence the Growing Up Straight book.
她对这个故事的记忆与安迪在某些地方略有不同——不仅是不是在感恩节，而且她和安迪的父亲在安迪四岁时就开始怀疑他是否可能是同性恋，因此有了《成长直》这本书。
So it wasn't much of a shock.
所以这并没有太大的震惊。
And one other thing you should know about Sandra before we continue is that she's an experimental chemist.
在我们继续之前你应该了解桑德拉的另一件事是她是一位实验化学家。
Not just by profession.
不仅仅是职业。
That's how she thinks about everything.
她就是这样思考一切的。
For instance, she told me that when Andy announced he was gay, she had already started this long, slow process of coming out herself.
例如，她告诉我，当安迪宣布自己是同性恋时，她已经开始了这个漫长而缓慢的出柜过程。
And it is true that his coming out probably catalyzed my coming out.
确实，他的出柜可能促进了我的出柜。
It would have happened, but it would have taken maybe a little longer.
它本来会发生，但可能需要更长的时间。
I choose the word "catalyzed" carefully.
我谨慎地选择了“催化”这个词。
A catalyst changes the rate of things but does not change the final state of equilibrium.
催化剂改变事物的速率，但不会改变最终的平衡状态。
And so when I say his coming out was a catalyst, I mean exactly that.
因此，当我说他的出现是一种催化剂时，我的意思正是如此。
Believe it or not, Andy and his mom actually haven't talked about any of this in the quarter century since it happened.
不管你相信与否，安迪和他的妈妈实际上在事情发生后的四分之一个世纪里没有谈论过这件事。
And one of Andy's burning questions has been about Sandra's state of mind in between his big reveal in the kitchen and the moment she hopped in the car with him.
安迪最关心的问题之一是桑德拉在厨房里大展身手和和他一起跳上车的那一刻之间的精神状态。
What was going on in her head?
她脑子里在想什么？
He figured-- in fact, he told her when we were all talking about it.
他想——事实上，当我们都在谈论这件事时，他告诉了她。
He says you must have been in some emotional turmoil during that hour or so.
他说在那一小时左右的时间里你一定处于某种情绪混乱之中。
But again, Sandra is a pragmatist and very much a mom.
但同样，桑德拉是一位实用主义者，也是一位母亲。
I was thinking that I needed to find a way to say this, and that this was about the only time that he and I would be alone, and that his coming out to me-- not only did it give me permission to say this, but that it might be helpful to him to know that I knew what he was going through and for him to give me some support.
我在想我需要找到一种方式来表达这句话，而这大概是我和他单独相处的唯一一次，而他向我出柜——不仅允许我这么说，而且让他知道我知道他正在经历什么，并为他提供一些支持，这可能会对他有所帮助。
But were you nervous?
但你紧张吗？
Sandra Greer Yes, I was.
桑德拉·格里尔 是的，我是。
Yes, I was.
是的，我是。
I mean, this was a pretty big deal.
我的意思是，这是一件大事。
So I was nervous, and at the same time a little relieved that I could talk to him about it.
所以我很紧张，同时又因为可以和他谈论这件事而感到有点欣慰。
And as they were sitting there in the car, Andy quickly realized, wait a second.
当他们坐在车里时，安迪很快意识到，等一下。
This means we aren't going to be a family anymore.
这意味着我们不再是一家人了。
Not in the same way, which wasn't a relief and wasn't exciting.
方式不同，这既不让人松一口气，也不令人兴奋。
Plus, it's just that he figured he was the gay one in the family.
另外，只是他认为自己是家里的同性恋者。
Oh, so you felt like she was stealing your thunder a little bit.
哦，所以你觉得她有点抢了你的风头。
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
嗯，是啊，是啊，是啊。
And after that she did a little, because she would start to tell relatives that I was gay.
之后她做了一点，因为她会开始告诉亲戚我是同性恋。
And this is where the story becomes not a story about the secretly gay mother of an openly gay son, but the ingeniously clever secretly gay mother of an openly gay son.
这就是故事不再是关于一个公开同性恋儿子的秘密同性恋母亲的故事，而是一个关于一个公开同性恋儿子的巧妙聪明的秘密同性恋母亲的故事。
The way Andy tells it, his mom basically took to the phones like a pollster in a boiler room, spreading the word that someone they knew very well had come out of the closet.
按照安迪的说法，他的妈妈基本上就像锅炉房里的民意调查员一样拿着电话，传播他们非常熟悉的人出柜的消息。
Well, because of course, she was trying to figure out how people would react, her mother would react to someone being gay at all, kind of test the waters for herself.
嗯，因为当然，她试图弄清楚人们会如何反应，她的母亲会对同性恋者做出反应，有点为自己试水。
But my mom was telling all kinds of people, my great great aunt, and Aunt Dot, and all these people I didn't really know.
但我妈妈告诉了各种各样的人，我的曾曾姨妈和多特姨妈，以及所有这些我并不真正认识的人。
Yeah, it was spiraling out of control.
是的，事情已经失控了。
Yeah, the Coopersteins knew.
是的，库珀斯坦一家知道。
Yeah.
是的。
Who are the Coopersteins?
库珀斯坦家族是谁？
Andy Greer They were our next door neighbors since i was a kid.
安迪·格里尔（Andy Greer） 从我小时候起，他们就是我们的隔壁邻居。
Because I didn't think about those people except at holidays.
因为除了假期我不会去想那些人。
So when I went back to school, I didn't think, well, I'd better call the Coopersteins now, because they were out of my mind.
所以当我回到学校时，我并没有想，好吧，我现在最好给库珀斯坦一家打电话，因为他们已经不在我的脑海里了。
And then a week later, I hear that the Coopersteins, Myrna Cooperstein has something to say about it.
一周后，我听说库珀斯坦一家，玛娜·库珀斯坦对此有话要说。
And were you mad?
你生气了吗？
Andy Greer No, she needed my story more than I did.
安迪·格里尔 不，她比我更需要我的故事。
Because she needed to test these people out.
因为她需要考验这些人。
And it was the perfect way to do it before she dropped her own bomb, probably a year or so later.
这是在她投下自己的炸弹之前（可能是一年左右之后）做到这一点的完美方式。
Actually, it wasn't a year or so later, says Andy's mom, Sandra.
安迪的妈妈桑德拉说，实际上，这还不到一年左右。
She remembers this part differently too.
她对这部分的记忆也不同。
She says she told Andy's twin brother Mike just a couple of days later, and told their father only a couple of months after that, and then moved out in the spring.
她说，几天后她告诉了安迪的双胞胎兄弟迈克，几个月后又告诉了他们的父亲，然后在春天搬了出去。
Also, she says she doesn't remember calling around to anybody about Andy except for her mother and her sister.
此外，她说除了她的母亲和姐姐之外，她不记得给任何人打电话谈论安迪的事。
And yes, she probably told Myrna Cooperstein.
是的，她可能告诉了米尔娜·库珀斯坦。
But her coming out and Andy's coming out, they aren't as connected as that, she told me.
但她告诉我，她的出柜和安迪的出柜，他们之间的联系并不那么紧密。
I guess the way that I think they may be connected-- so you're a chemist.
我猜想它们之间的联系方式——所以你是一名化学家。
And in a way, it seems like telling folks around you that Andy is gay, it's like the perfect litmus test, in a way.
在某种程度上，这似乎告诉你周围的人安迪是同性恋，在某种程度上，这就像完美的试金石。
Ah, very good.
啊，很好。
Well done.
干得好。
Sean Cole Thank you.
肖恩·科尔 谢谢你。
I don't know that I consciously thought of it that way, but it certainly gave me more information.
我不知道我是否有意识地这么想，但它确实给了我更多的信息。
It gave me more information for my process, which was going to come later.
它为我的流程提供了更多信息，稍后会提供。
So what information did it?
那么到底是哪些信息造成的呢？
Sandra Greer The sky did not fall down.
桑德拉·格里尔 天并没有塌下来。
Life went on as we know it.
生活继续如我们所知。
Nobody disowned anybody.
没有人否认任何人。
Nothing really bad happened.
没有什么真正糟糕的事情发生。
You've got to wonder what it must have been like for Sandra.
你一定想知道桑德拉的经历会是什么样子。
She was 45.
她45岁。
She says she hadn't so much as kissed a woman yet, and here comes her 19 year old son just boldly saying the very things she's been hiding about herself, like he was speaking her secret out loud.
她说她还没有亲吻过女人，而她 19 岁的儿子却大胆地说出了她一直隐瞒的事情，就像他大声说出了她的秘密一样。
Did she feel some kind of twinge in her gut or some chill or something?
她是否感到肠子里有某种刺痛或寒冷之类的？
I would say that he was more a role model for me.
我想说他更像是我的榜样。
Oh, Mom.
哦，妈妈。
Sandra Greer That he could show me how you could do this and live your life with integrity.
桑德拉·格里尔 他可以向我展示如何做到这一点并正直地过你的生活。
He just flat out came out, and there was no hedging about it, and he didn't screw around about it.
他就直接出来了，没有任何顾忌，也没有搞鬼。
And the result was that people who loved you still loved you.
结果是爱你的人仍然爱你。
Well, that's a completely different way of seeing it.
嗯，这是一种完全不同的看待它的方式。
Wow.
哇。
Yeah, I think that's the way I felt about it, that he was showing me how to do things.
是的，我想这就是我的感受，他在向我展示如何做事。
The funny thing is that Andy, for all his role modeliness, again, he was still a kid.
有趣的是，尽管安迪堪称榜样，但他还是个孩子。
And he still had a thing or to learn from his mom about being open minded.
他仍然需要向他妈妈学习如何保持开放的心态。
I had gone into this situation and basically said, "I'm not who you think I am.
当我遇到这种情况时，我基本上会说：“我不是你想象的那样。
I'm my own person, and you're going to have to deal with it." And then my mom said, "I'm not who you think I am.
我是我自己的人，你必须面对它。”然后我妈妈说：“我不是你想象的那样。
I'm going to be my own person."
我要成为我自己的人。”
I was like, "no, no, no, but you have to.
我当时想，“不，不，不，但你必须这样做。
You're the mom.
你是妈妈。
Not fair." And then you also have to think about your parent as a human being.
不公平。”然后你还必须将你的父母视为一个人。
No, I was not ready.
不，我还没准备好。
I was not open minded enough to consider some golden rule about how you're supposed to act at coming out stories.
我的思想不够开放，无法考虑一些关于在发表故事时应该如何行事的黄金法则。
But he got over it.
但他克服了。
And within a year or so, Sandra was living as a fully out gay person.
大约一年之内，桑德拉就以完全出柜的同性恋者的身份生活了。
Of course, we all have these catalytic people in our lives.
当然，我们的生活中都有这些具有催化作用的人。
Usually, it's an older sibling or a friend, the first person we knew who got us listening to cool music for a change, or kissed somebody, or left home and moved to a new city.
通常，这是我们认识的年长的兄弟姐妹或朋友，第一个让我们听酷音乐来改变一下的人，或者亲吻某人，或者离开家搬到一个新城市的人。
Or it's your parents you're fashioning yourself after somehow.
或者你正在以某种方式模仿你的父母。
How often is it that a person you created and raised is the one who leads you over a threshold?
有多少次你创造和养育的人是带领你跨过门槛的人？
Sean Cole is one of the producers of our program.
肖恩·科尔是我们节目的制作人之一。
Andrew Sean Greer, the guy in that story, is a novelist.
故事中的人物安德鲁·肖恩·格里尔是一位小说家。
His latest book, The Impossible Lives of Greta Wells.
他的最新著作《格蕾塔·威尔斯的不可能的生活》。
[MUSIC - "CHANGES" BY LANGHORNE SLIM AND THE LAW]
[音乐 - LANGHORNE SLIM 和法律的“改变”]
Credits Ira Glass Our program was produced today by Miki Meek, with Zoe Chace, Sean Cole, Neil Drumming, Stephanie Foo, Chana Joffe-Walt, Jonathan Menjivar, Robyn Semien, Alissa Shipp, and Nancy Updike.
鸣谢 Ira Glass 我们今天的节目由 Miki Meek 制作，与 Zoe Chace、Sean Cole、Neil Drumming、Stephanie Foo、Chana Joffe-Walt、Jonathan Menjivar、Robyn Semien、Alissa Shipp 和 Nancy Updike 一起制作。
Our senior producer for this episode is Brian Reed.
我们本集的高级制片人是布莱恩·里德。
Our editor for this episode was Joel Lovell.
本集的编辑是乔尔·洛弗尔。
Editorial help for this episode by Julie Snyder.
朱莉·斯奈德 (Julie Snyder) 对本集的编辑帮助。
Our technical director is Matt Tierney.
我们的技术总监是马特·蒂尔尼。
Production help from Emmanuel Dzotsi.
Emmanuel Dzotsi 提供制作帮助。
Our staff includes Elise Bergerson, Whitney Dangerfield, Kimberly Henderson, Seth Lind.
我们的员工包括 Elise Bergerson、Whitney Dangerfield、Kimberly Henderson、Seth Lind。
Research out help from Michelle Harris and Christopher Swetala.
寻求 Michelle Harris 和 Christopher Swetala 的帮助。
Music help from Damian Graef and Rob Geddis.
Damian Graef 和 Rob Geddis 提供音乐帮助。
Special thanks today to Richard Davis and Debra Drennan, Marty Heresniak, WBEZ's Collin Ashmead-Bobbitt, Marketplace's Stephen Cologne, and Cornell University's Bert Odom-Reed.
今天特别感谢 Richard Davis 和 Debra Drennan、Marty Heresniak、WBEZ 的 Collin Ashmead-Bobbitt、Marketplace 的 Stephen Cologne 以及康奈尔大学的 Bert Odom-Reed。
The podcast, Unfictional , that you heard some excerpts from at the beginning of today's program comes KCRW.
您在今天节目开始时听到的一些摘录的播客《Unfictional》来自 KCRW。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks as always to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia, who dressed as Chicken Little for Halloween this year.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生，他今年万圣节打扮成小鸡。
And no, he was disappointed how it worked out.
不，他对事情的结果感到失望。
The sky did not fall down.
天并没有塌下来。
Ira Glass I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life .
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 我是艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass），下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
[MUSIC - "CHANGES" BY LANGHORNE SLIM AND THE LAW]
[音乐 - LANGHORNE SLIM 和法律的“改变”]
This American Life This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
This American Life This American Life 与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。