567: What’s Going On In There? - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #567 | January 12, 2024 567: What’s Going On In There?
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 567 集 | 2024 年 1 月 12 日 567：里面发生了什么？
Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Reporter No one knows who dug the 30-foot-long tunnel near the site of this year's Pan-American Games in Toronto.
序言记者 没有人知道是谁在今年多伦多泛美运动会场地附近挖掘了这条 30 英尺长的隧道。
A bizarre tunnel found near one of the venues for the upcoming Pan-Am Games has sparked fears of an imminent terror attack.
在即将举行的泛美运动会的一个场馆附近发现了一条奇怪的隧道，引发了人们对即将发生的恐怖袭击的担忧。
Rarely has a dirt tunnel received so much attention.
很少有一条泥土隧道受到如此多的关注。
No one knows why it was created.
没有人知道它为何被创建。
Do you think someone told their kid to dig to China and the kid actually tried?
你认为有人告诉他们的孩子去中国挖掘，而孩子真的尝试过吗？
It's not just the sophistication that police say is troubling, but the lack of suspects or a motive.
警方称，令人不安的不仅仅是案件的复杂性，还有缺乏嫌疑人或动机。
(HOST) IRA GLASS: When something unexplained like this happens, of course, people go nuts speculating about what it could be.
（主持人）IRA GLASS：当发生这样无法解释的事情时，当然，人们会疯狂地猜测它可能是什么。
That's actually what our program is about today.
这实际上就是我们今天节目的内容。
In this case, the media pondered whether the tunnel would be used to plant a bomb at the upcoming Pan-Am Games nearby.
在这种情况下，媒体思考该隧道是否会被用来在附近即将举行的泛美运动会上放置炸弹。
The Pan-Am Games are like an Olympics for North and South and Central America.
泛美运动会就像北美、南美和中美洲的奥运会。
OK, what I used to do in the ravine when I was a kid is, run around, play hide and go seek.
好吧，我小时候在山沟里经常做的事情就是，跑来跑去，玩捉迷藏。
We'd play, like, apple war.
我们会玩，比如，苹果战争。
We'll go fishing.
我们去钓鱼。
But I started my first tunnel probably when I was in elementary school.
但我可能在上小学的时候就开始了我的第一条隧道。
I would go in the creek, walk around.
我会去小溪里走走。
And this was something on my mind.
这就是我的想法。
I wanted to build a clubhouse.
我想建一个会所。
I had five or six attempts, and I think the sixth one was the huge tunnel that the guys found.
我进行了五六次尝试，我认为第六次就是他们发现的巨大隧道。
(SUBJECT) NICK KOEHLER: I've heard him call it sort of the future of clubhouses.
（主题）尼克·科勒：我听他称其为俱乐部会所的未来。
OK, I did this because it was something I always wanted to be doing, but I know I should have grown out of it.
好吧，我这样做是因为这是我一直想做的事情，但我知道我应该长大后不再这样做。
And I knew that, OK, if I build a tunnel, it came from childhood reasons, but at the same time, if I build it, who knows?
我知道，好吧，如果我建造一条隧道，那是出于童年的原因，但同时，如果我建造它，谁知道呢？
I could probably hang out there, turn that childhood dream into a man cave, a bunker, whatever you call it, just a place to go hang out.
我可能会在那里闲逛，把童年的梦想变成一个男人的洞穴，一个掩体，不管你怎么称呼它，只是一个闲逛的地方。
And if there's something that happened, like a natural disaster or something that would happen, I could go there if there's a blackout, turn on the generator, charge my phone, even make a small meal down there just to bring back up to my house.
如果发生了什么事情，比如自然灾害或即将发生的事情，如果停电，我可以去那里，打开发电机，给手机充电，甚至在那里做一顿小饭，然后带回我家。
(HOST) IRA GLASS: Back when Elton would go to the tunnel, his sisters did not know exactly what he was doing, but they knew something was up.
（主持人）艾拉·格拉斯：当埃尔顿去隧道时，他的姐妹们并不知道他到底在做什么，但她们知道出了什么事。
For months while he was digging the thing, he would come home just covered in dirt, tracking dirt everywhere.
在他挖掘这个东西的几个月里，他回到家时浑身都是泥土，到处都是泥土。
Anora though he was building some kind of underground house and grilled him about it, but he wouldn't say.
阿诺拉虽然他正在建造某种地下房屋并为此盘问他，但他不肯说。
Yes, she's recording.
是的，她正在录音。
Rainy I'm recording.
雨天我在录音。
This is live recording coming from West Brooklyn's Community AC office.
这是来自西布鲁克林社区 AC 办公室的现场录音。
I started reporting this story in the fall of 2013.
我从 2013 年秋天开始报道这个故事。
This is Radio Rookie Lorraine reporting live.
这是电台新秀洛林的现场报道。
I hadn't really been going to school for over 2 and 1/2 years.
我已经有 2 又 1/2 年没有真正去上学了。
So I transferred to an alternative high school for kids who dropped out but are trying to come back and graduate.
因此，我转学到一所专为那些辍学但想回来毕业的孩子开设的替代高中。
We all have assigned counselors.
我们都有指定的辅导员。
We call them ACs.
我们称它们为 AC。
OK, so I'm here with my own AC, Elizabeth.
好的，伊丽莎白，我带着自己的空调来了。
(HOST) RAINY: They check in with us every day.
（主持人）RAINY：他们每天都会和我们联系。
Lorraine, when I first started, Lorraine was only a name on my roster, because she would never come to school.
洛林，当我刚开始工作时，洛林只是我名册上的一个名字，因为她永远不会来上学。
And now she's here every day.
现在她每天都在这里。
She's doing what she needs to do, and she's a potential June graduate.
她正在做她需要做的事情，而且她是六月份的潜在毕业生。
Definite June graduate.
确定六月毕业。
Clear that up.
弄清楚这一点。
You know, got to clear that one up.
你知道，必须把那件事弄清楚。
Since I never came to school when I first transferred here, Elizabeth only knew me by my school ID picture.
由于我刚转学到这里时从未来过学校，伊丽莎白只能通过我的学生证照片认识我。
So my first impression of you, I saw your picture, I saw a little girl in size with a black eye.
所以我对你的第一印象，我看到你的照片，我看到一个小女孩，身材高大，黑眼睛。
So I thought to myself, what's going on?
于是我心里想，这是怎么回事？
I said, did you get into a fight?
我说，你们吵架了吗？
And you said, no. But you were like, it's a long story.
你说，不。但你说，这是一个很长的故事。
You'll get to know me.
你会认识我的。
I had a black eye for the whole first week.
第一周我的眼睛一直都是黑的。
I thought people were thinking that I got beat up by a girl or something, that I'm soft.
我以为人们认为我被一个女孩打了或者什么的，认为我很软弱。
Nicole's my best friend, but I call her my stepsister, because my mom and her dad used to date.
妮可是我最好的朋友，但我称她为继姐妹，因为我妈妈和她爸爸曾经约会过。
We all lived together, kind of like a family.
我们都住在一起，就像一家人一样。
I'm the only one who calls her Nicole.
我是唯一一个叫她妮可的人。
Everyone else calls her by her nickname.
其他人都用她的昵称来称呼她。
(SUBJECT) NICOLE: My name's Nicky Boombox, but no.
（主题）NICOLE：我的名字是 Nicky Boombox，但不是。
She was with me when I first met-- I don't want to use his actual name.
我第一次见面时她就在我身边——我不想用他的真名。
(INTERVIEWER) RAINY: What should his name be in my story?
（采访者） RAINY： 在我的故事中他的名字应该是什么？
Doodoo-face.
嘟嘟脸。
Rainy I'm going to call him "Tony," the guy who became my first serious boyfriend.
雨天，我要叫他“托尼”，他成为我第一个认真的男朋友。
I met him the summer after eighth grade.
我八年级毕业后的那个夏天认识了他。
By the time we started dating, I was 14, and he was 21-- six years, six months, and six days older than me-- 666.
当我们开始约会时，我 14 岁，他 21 岁——比我大 6 岁零 6 个月零 6 天——666。
It's creepy, right?
很令人毛骨悚然，对吧？
Nicole remembers when we met him.
妮可记得我们见到他的时候。
But In the beginning-- don't get me wrong-- he fooled me too.
但一开始——别误会——他也愚弄了我。
He fooled all of us.
他愚弄了我们所有人。
I really thought he was actually, really good.
我真的觉得他真的非常非常好。
I was like, oh my god.
我当时想，天啊。
He's really nice.
他真的很好。
I would never expect him to actually ever lay a hand on you.
我从来没想过他真的会对你动手。
So what do you think drew me to him in the first place?
那么你认为是什么首先吸引我到他身边的呢？
What made me start liking him?
是什么让我开始喜欢他？
His looks.
他的长相。
Can't deny it.
无法否认。
The fact that he's older.
事实是他年纪大了。
He's short, with tan skin, big, pretty eyes, and an Italian schnoz.
他身材矮小，皮肤晒黑，眼睛又大又漂亮，还有意大利鼻子。
He has tattoos and a clean-cut beard.
他有纹身和干净的胡须。
When you think of that arrogant guy that all the girls want, that's Tony.
当你想到所有女孩都想要的那个傲慢的男人时，那就是托尼。
He walks with confidence, dresses flashy, and wears big chains.
他走路时充满自信，穿着华丽，戴着大链条。
But he also made you feel like you were special, like you were wanted.
但他也让你觉得你很特别，就像你被需要一样。
He was actually putting some effort into it.
他其实也付出了一些努力。
He would text you back.
他会给你回短信。
He would pick you up from the school.
他会去学校接你。
He didn't even try to kiss you the first time you hung out.
你们第一次出去的时候，他甚至没有试图吻你。
The poems, the song, the rap he made on Facebook.
他在 Facebook 上创作的诗歌、歌曲和说唱。
He made a video of it.
他制作了一段视频。
The lyrics went something like "don't worry, baby.
歌词是这样的：“别担心，宝贝。
It doesn't matter about the age." Back then, Nicole took a video of me watching it.
与年龄无关。”当时，妮可拍了一段我观看的视频。
I really couldn't stop smiling.
我实在忍不住笑了。
(SUBJECT) NICOLE: Oh my god.
（主题）妮可：天啊。
Nicole Oh, you're cheesing OD.
妮可：噢，你真是太搞笑了。
I've never seen you cheese like that.
我从没见过你这样吃奶酪。
When we first got together, he liked that I was smart, and young, and pretty.
当我们第一次在一起时，他喜欢我聪明、年轻、漂亮。
He wanted to shape me into his perfect wifey.
他想把我塑造成他完美的妻子。
Before I got to the age where he says girls become whores.
在我到了他说女孩变成妓女的年龄之前。
I was getting 90s when I started the ninth grade.
当我开始九年级时，我已经90多岁了。
I would show him my report card, but he didn't pay it any mind.
我会把我的成绩单给他看，但他并不在意。
He just saw high school as a place for guys to bag girls.
他只是把高中视为男生追女生的地方。
He didn't tell me to skip school.
他没有叫我逃学。
He just punished me when I went.
我去的时候他只是惩罚了我。
He'd ignore me after I came back or show up at school and flirt with girls in front of me.
我回来后他会不理我，或者出现在学校并在我面前和女孩调情。
So I just hung out with him in his room all day instead of going to class.
所以我一整天都和他一起在他的房间里闲逛，而不去上课。
I didn't want him to think I was cheating.
我不想让他认为我在作弊。
I wasn't even talking to Nicole.
我什至没有和妮可说话。
Everything you thought was just about him.
你所想的一切都只是关于他。
You just completely stopped caring about everything, and he really had that control over you.
你完全不再关心一切，而他真的可以控制你。
How did I look back then?
那时我怎么看？
Nicole Look?
妮可 看？
You looked like a ghost.
你看起来像个幽灵。
Completely dead, skinny as hell.
彻底死了，骨瘦如柴。
You still looked good.
你看上去还是不错的。
Don't get me wrong, but you still had that dead look on your face, like you weren't happy at all.
别误会我的意思，但你的脸上仍然是那种死气沉沉的表情，就像你根本不高兴一样。
He was verbally abusive way before he became physically abusive.
在身体虐待之前，他就已经开始言语虐待了。
He talked to me so nasty that I could feel it.
他对我说话的语气非常恶劣，我能感觉到。
The bruises clear up, but the words stick with you, and they change how you act.
伤痕会消退，但这些话却会一直萦绕在你心头，并且改变你的行为方式。
He would tell me you're boring, you're awkward, you're the weirdest of the weird, you'll never fit in anywhere.
他会告诉我你很无聊，你很尴尬，你是怪人中最怪的人，你永远不会融入任何地方。
And I believed him.
我相信他。
I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere.
我不觉得自己属于任何地方。
I didn't talk to anyone anymore, including my mom.
我不再和任何人说话，包括我妈妈。
I lied to her about how old he was and started coming home late or not at all.
我对她谎报了他的年龄，然后开始很晚回家或者根本不回家。
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: I was livid.
（对象） RAINY 的母亲：我很生气。
I wanted you home.
我想让你回家。
This is my mom.
这是我妈妈。
She used to be a drug addict, but she's been clean for 10 years now.
她曾经是一名吸毒者，但现在已经戒毒10年了。
She's pretty ditzy and forgetful, but she is definitely there for me.
她很糊涂而且健忘，但她绝对在我身边。
What were you doing then?
那时你在做什么？
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: Worrying, cursing, yelling.
（主题）雷妮的母亲：担心、咒骂、大喊大叫。
At me.
对我来说。
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: At you.
（对象） RAINY 的母亲：对你。
At him.
对着他。
Nothing she did worked, because I wouldn't let it.
她所做的一切都不起作用，因为我不允许。
She knew I was the only one that could stop myself from seeing him.
她知道我是唯一能阻止自己见他的人。
The first time he hit me was because I was looking through his Facebook.
他第一次打我是因为我在浏览他的脸书。
I caught him messaging his ex, so he slapped me across the face.
我发现他给他的前任发信息，所以他打了我一巴掌。
He was yelling at me, telling me to get out.
他对我大喊大叫，叫我滚出去。
It escalated from there.
从那里开始升级。
Then, one night, two years into our relationship, we went to his friend's birthday, and he got really drunk.
然后，我们交往两年后的一个晚上，我们去参加他朋友的生日，他喝醉了。
I went to sleep at his place and woke up to him pouring water on my face and dragging me out of bed by my hair.
我去他那儿睡觉，醒来时发现他把水倒在我脸上，还揪着我的头发把我从床上拖下来。
He was yelling and calling me names, like, a dirty whore, and a slut, and a piece of trash.
他对我大喊大叫，辱骂我，比如肮脏的妓女、荡妇和垃圾。
He slapped me and grabbed things from around the room, like lighters and medicine bottles, and threw them at me.
他打了我一巴掌，从房间里抓起打火机、药瓶等东西扔向我。
He was screaming that he hopes my mom dies.
他尖叫着希望我妈妈死掉。
I had choke marks on my neck.
我的脖子上有窒息痕迹。
But he wasn't really choking me to cut off oxygen.
但他并不是真的让我窒息以切断氧气。
It was more like choking me to grab me and throw me around.
这更像是让我窒息，抓住我并把我扔来扔去。
After he did that, I went over to Nicole's.
他这样做后，我去了妮可家。
My mom showed up there and started freaking out and crying when she saw me.
我妈妈出现在那里，当她看到我时，她吓坏了，哭了起来。
So I walked down the block to my friend Steven's house.
于是我沿着街区走到我朋友史蒂文家。
You came, and then I seen you.
你来了，然后我就看到了你。
And once I seen you I just felt bad.
一旦我看到你，我就感觉很糟糕。
And then you started crying, and you told me you didn't see it yet.
然后你开始哭，你告诉我你还没看到。
So I brought you in my bathroom, and I made you look.
所以我把你带进我的浴室，让你看看。
And you didn't want to look at it.
而你不想看它。
So I told you you weren't leaving until you looked at it.
所以我告诉过你，除非你看过它，否则你不会离开。
When I looked in the mirror I saw a face covered in tears, red and swollen with blue marks on my cheeks, under my eyes, on my neck, and on my arms.
当我照镜子时，我看到一张满是泪水的脸，脸颊上、眼睛下面、脖子上、手臂上都红肿着蓝色的痕迹。
I just couldn't believe I was looking at my own reflection.
我简直不敢相信我正在看着自己的倒影。
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: When he hit you I wanted to have him arrested, but you wouldn't let me.
（对象） 雷尼的母亲：当他打你的时候，我想逮捕他，但你不让我这么做。
My mom promised me she wouldn't call the police, but it was a trick, because she knew my brother would.
我妈妈向我保证她不会报警，但这是一个诡计，因为她知道我哥哥会的。
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: They came.
（主题） 雷妮的母亲：他们来了。
They tried to talk to you, but you wouldn't give him up.
他们试图与你交谈，但你不肯放弃他。
I saw the cop car outside, so I hid in the bathroom.
我看到外面有警车，所以我躲进了浴室。
The cops stood outside the door and kept asking me if I got hit.
警察站在门外一直问我是否被打了。
He was like, just say, yeah.
他就像，只是说，是的。
That's all you have to say.
这就是你要说的。
I said, no. So they didn't press charges.
我说，不。所以他们没有提出指控。
(INTERVIEWER) RAINY: What did you guys-- you guys filed a report or something?
（采访者） RAINY：你们做了什么——你们提交了报告什么的？
What did you guys do?
你们做了什么？
After that happened, he and I didn't talk for a week.
那件事之后，我和他整整一个星期没有说话。
Then he showed up in my school.
然后他出现在我的学校。
He had this really sad face on.
他脸上的表情真的很悲伤。
He brought me a burger.
他给我带来了一个汉堡。
He doesn't know how to say sorry, so I guess the whole act was kind of like an apology.
他不知道该怎么说对不起，所以我猜整个行为有点像道歉。
We walked around the neighborhood for a couple of hours.
我们在附近走了几个小时。
He played one of those toy vending machine games with the arm, and he got me a baby blanket with a dog head and tail.
他用手臂玩了一个玩具自动售货机游戏，他给我买了一条带有狗头和尾巴的婴儿毯。
It wasn't much, but the look on his face was just so sad that-- I don't know-- it convinced me to go back.
虽然不多，但他脸上的表情是如此悲伤——我不知道——这说服了我回去。
He was overly nice at first-- extra big smiles, longer kisses-- but then he started talking about how you got to put your girl in her place.
一开始他太好了——特别灿烂的笑容，更长的吻——但后来他开始谈论如何让你的女儿处于她的位置。
He kept accusing me of cheating on him, and I just had enough.
他一直指责我欺骗他，我受够了。
So after two months, we finally broke up, and I moved back in with my mom.
两个月后，我们终于分手了，我搬回和妈妈一起住。
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: Oh, so relieved that I have my baby back.
（主题） 雷妮的妈妈：噢，我的孩子回来了，我真是松了一口气。
This is Nicole again.
这又是妮可。
Nicole I still hate him.
妮可我还是恨他。
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: I'll always hate him.
（主题）雷尼的母亲：我会永远恨他。
She's confessing murder.
她承认谋杀了。
Nicole Actually, just because this is recorded, I'm kidding.
妮可：实际上，仅仅因为这是录制的，我就是在开玩笑。
Anyway--
无论如何——
So I'm looking through my old diary.
所以我正在翻看我的旧日记。
I mean, I had diary entries from the very, very beginning.
我的意思是，我从一开始就有日记记录。
A star means we got into an argument.
星星意味着我们发生了争执。
A heart means it was a good day.
一颗心意味着今天是美好的一天。
The circle means he ignored me the whole day.
圆圈意味着他一整天都不理我。
Good things about breaking up with Tony?
和托尼分手有什么好处？
I get to hang out with Nicole and I get to go back to school.
我可以和妮可一起出去玩，然后就可以回学校了。
Bad things about breaking up with Tony?
和托尼分手有什么不好的？
I'm alone.
我还是孤单一人。
I feel like I just need someone to shock me, to take my mind off things.
我觉得我只需要有人让我震惊，让我忘记事情。
And I don't have anyone now, even on Christmas.
现在我没有任何人陪伴，即使在圣诞节也是如此。
My mom was at her boyfriend's house, so I was on my own.
我妈妈在她男朋友家，所以我一个人。
I was just in my bed, looking at Facebook.
我当时正躺在床上，看着 Facebook。
Tony posted a status, saying how Christmas will never be the same.
托尼发布了一条状态，称圣诞节将永远不一样。
He obviously meant that for me, since it was our anniversary.
他显然对我来说是这样的，因为那天是我们的周年纪念日。
My heart stopped for a second.
我的心停了一会儿。
When he's in my life-- I don't know-- it's like it's the one thing that just gets me going, like, really gets me going.
当他出现在我的生活中时——我不知道——就好像这是唯一一件让我前进的事情，真的让我前进。
I just want him to understand that he was wrong about everything he accused me of, so I decided to write it all on a letter.
我只是想让他明白他指控我的一切都是错误的，所以我决定把所有的事情都写在一封信上。
I included a playlist with an even number of FU songs and I miss you songs, and a weird little purple rock I got from the Museum of Natural History.
我包含了一个播放列表，其中包含偶数首 FU 歌曲和我想念你的歌曲，以及我从自然历史博物馆得到的一块奇怪的紫色小石头。
We started talking, but only over Facebook.
我们开始交谈，但只是通过 Facebook。
I wanted to keep my distance.
我想保持距离。
For a couple of weeks, we went back and forth.
几周来，我们来来回回。
He wasn't being pushy.
他并没有咄咄逼人。
He was actually being really sweet, so I agreed to see him.
他真的很友善，所以我同意见他。
And I ended up staying the night.
最后我留下来过夜。
(HOST) COURTNEY STEIN: This is Courtney, Rainy's Radio Rookies producer.
（主持人）考特尼·斯坦：我是考特尼，Rainy 的 Radio Rookies 制作人。
Rainy was working on her story with me for about a month before she disappeared.
在她失踪之前，Rainy 和我一起研究了她的故事大约一个月。
She stopped returning my texts at Christmas time.
她在圣诞节期间不再回复我的短信。
When school started again in January, Rainy wasn't there.
当一月份重新开学时，Rainy 不在。
Then, a few weeks into the semester, her English teacher, Erin, emailed me.
然后，学期开始几周后，她的英语老师艾琳给我发了电子邮件。
Rainy was back.
小雨回来了。
I met her after school and set her up to record a diary.
我放学后遇见了她，并让她写日记。
I'm just going to put it on hold.
我只是要把它搁置一下。
You don't have to do anything.
你不需要做任何事。
You can even just put it in your pocket.
您甚至可以将其放入口袋中。
OK, I just press play when I want to record?
好的，我想录音的时候就按播放就可以了？
Or is it recording already?
或者已经在录音了？
It's already recording.
已经在录音了
You don't even have to worry about it.
您甚至不必担心它。
I will be back.
我会回来的。
All classrooms have teachers.
所有教室都有老师。
Leave, leave, leave.
离开，离开，离开。
You know, I don't think I'm supposed to be in this room.
你知道，我认为我不应该在这个房间里。
Oh, but I'm going to be in here anyway.
哦，但无论如何我都会在这里。
So I've obviously got back with my ex.
所以我显然已经和我的前任复合了。
I've been on the lookout for abusive behavior, to see if he's going to revert back to his old ways.
我一直在留意他是否有虐待行为，看看他是否会重蹈覆辙。
I mean, at first, he was, you know, how you'd expect-- sweet, gentle, nice, caring, all those things.
我的意思是，一开始，他是，你知道的，正如你所期望的那样——甜蜜、温柔、友善、关心他人，所有这些。
But I've noticed some behavior that I don't like.
但我注意到一些我不喜欢的行为。
About a week, two or three weeks ago, he told me to shut up in a nasty way.
大约一周、两三周前，他用一种令人讨厌的方式让我闭嘴。
I mean, it's not that big of a deal, but I felt like it was a sign that the pattern might re-emerge.
我的意思是，这没什么大不了的，但我觉得这是这种模式可能重新出现的迹象。
I mean, he is rough just by nature.
我的意思是，他生性粗暴。
I don't think that's abusive, though.
但我不认为这是虐待。
I think that's just how he is.
我想他就是这样的。
But at times, I don't really like it.
但有时，我真的不喜欢它。
I know that in a lot of ways he's a really bad person.
我知道从很多方面来说他都是一个非常坏的人。
But I know that he could be a good person.
但我知道他可能是一个好人。
No one's all bad.
没有人都是坏的。
We slip back into our old routine of me never going home or going to school almost immediately.
我们又回到了我几乎不立即回家或上学的老习惯。
He became slowly more disrespectful and then violent, again.
他慢慢地变得更加无礼，然后又变得暴力。
I was surprised, because I really hoped it was going to be different this time.
我很惊讶，因为我真的希望这次会有所不同。
I remember being 13, and just being like, I just want to be 17.
我记得我13岁的时候，我就想，我只想成为17岁。
When I'm 17, that's going to be the perfect age.
当我17岁的时候，那将是一个完美的年龄。
And I get to 17, and it's like, wow.
当我到了17岁的时候，我感觉，哇。
This is what 17 looks like?
这就是17的样子吗？
This is what my 17 looks like?
这就是我17岁的样子吗？
(HOST) COURTNEY STEIN: Rainy barely showed up to school for the rest of the year.
（主持人）COURTNEY STEIN：今年余下的时间里，Rainy 几乎没有来学校。
She was supposed to graduate but didn't.
她原本应该毕业，但没有毕业。
From the beginning, Rainy told me she wanted to tell this story so she could try to understand herself and figure out why she was ever with him.
从一开始，Rainy 就告诉我她想讲这个故事，这样她就可以尝试了解自己并弄清楚她为什么和他在一起。
She said that if she understood, that might help her leave.
她说如果她明白的话，也许会帮助她离开。
So over the course of the next year, Rainy would reemerge for a day or two, go to school, record a bit, and then be gone again.
因此，在接下来的一年中，Rainy 会重新出现一两天，去学校，录制一些内容，然后再次消失。
OK, so my first question is, what are the signs of teen dating abuse?
好的，我的第一个问题是，青少年约会虐待的迹象是什么？
(SUBJECT) SARAH GONZALES: So what's extremely common in teen relationships is the forced absence from school.
（主题）莎拉·冈萨雷斯：青少年关系中极为常见的是被迫缺课。
Right?
正确的？
So if I'm forcing you to be absent from school, I'm affecting your grades, which will then affect how you graduate, if you graduate, when you graduate.
因此，如果我强迫你缺课，我就会影响你的成绩，进而影响你毕业的方式，如果你毕业的话，你什么时候毕业。
That's actually exactly what happened to me.
这实际上正是发生在我身上的事情。
It's funny you brought that up.
很有趣的是你提出了这个。
I should be a senior now, and I'm still not graduating.
我现在应该是大四了，但我还没毕业。
So I am usually looked at as someone who could be considered a strong female.
所以我通常被认为是一个可以被认为是坚强的女性。
I don't let guys mess with me.
我不会让男人来惹我。
I don't put up with stuff like that.
我不能忍受这样的事情。
But then somehow I'm in this relationship that I allow myself to get stepped over.
但不知何故，我在这段关系中允许自己被踩在脚下。
(SUBJECT) SARAH GONZALES: The only thing that I would change in that is the "allowed" part.
（主题）SARAH GONZALES：我唯一要改变的是“允许”部分。
People, even with good intentions, unintentionally blame victims or survivors.
人们，即使有良好的意图，也会无意中责怪受害者或幸存者。
So we say things like, if that person just had self-esteem, it would be OK.
所以我们会说，如果那个人有自尊，那就没问题了。
What that tells someone is that it's your fault because you don't have the esteem to leave, when that's not really the case.
这告诉别人这是你的错，因为你没有尊重离开，而事实并非如此。
I mean, I do, and I don't understand the answer.
我的意思是，我明白，但我不明白答案。
Because it doesn't make sense why being happy 5% of the time makes you stay.
因为这没有道理，为什么 5% 的时间快乐会让你留下来。
I don't know.
我不知道。
(SUBJECT) SARAH GONZALES: You know, you do love your partner, right?
（主题）莎拉·冈萨雷斯：你知道，你确实爱你的伴侣，对吗？
And so a lot of times, what you really want is just for the abuse to stop, but you still want to be with your partner.
所以很多时候，你真正想要的只是停止虐待，但你仍然想和你的伴侣在一起。
I mean, we have happy times.
我的意思是，我们有幸福的时光。
We'll cuddle and laugh.
我们会拥抱、大笑。
Sometimes he even cooks or makes us tea.
有时他甚至为我们做饭或泡茶。
(SUBJECT) SARAH GONZALES: Well, you can say, OK, I should be leaving.
（主题）莎拉·冈萨雷斯：嗯，你可以说，好吧，我应该离开了。
And if you don't, it's just like, today wasn't the day that I was leaving.
如果你不这样做，那就好像，今天不是我离开的日子。
As opposed to blaming yourself, because then that might keep you there a little longer.
而不是责怪自己，因为那样可能会让你在那里停留更长时间。
It's like, OK, it didn't happen today, but it can happen tomorrow.
就像，好吧，今天没有发生，但明天可能会发生。
Lorraine, what are you doing with your life?
洛林，你的人生在做什么？
I know you're at that boy's house--
我知道你在那个男孩的家里——
My assigned counselor has been leaving me voicemails.
我指定的辅导员一直给我留下语音邮件。
I never even listened to them.
我什至从来没有听过他们。
(SUBJECT) ELIZABETH: So don't shut down because you're with this boy.
（主题）伊丽莎白：所以不要因为你和这个男孩在一起而关闭。
We already spoke about this.
我们已经讨论过这一点。
The weather was bad.
天气不好。
You don't do snow-- I know all your excuses in the book.
你不下雪——我知道你书里所有的借口。
But right now, the weather's better, so you should have been here today.
不过现在天气好点了，所以你今天就应该来的。
So, obviously, if I don't see later, that means it's not good.
所以，显然，如果我后来看不到，那就意味着情况不好。
OK?
好的？
So call me or show up.
所以打电话给我或者出现。
Bye.
再见。
When the new cycle started, I told him I had to go back to school.
当新的周期开始时，我告诉他我必须回到学校。
And not even five minutes later, he held me down and started sucking on my neck.
不到五分钟，他就把我按倒在地，开始吮吸我的脖子。
I was like, get off, babe.
我当时想，走开，宝贝。
You're hurting me.
你伤害了我。
He didn't do it for very long, but he did it hard enough to leave a huge, dark, purple mark.
他没有做很长时间，但他做得足够用力，留下了一个巨大的、深紫色的印记。
I guess he was trying to mark his territory.
我猜他是想标记他的领地。
When you haven't gone to school in a really long time, and you come in with a hickey, that looks bad.
当你很长时间没去上学时，你带着吻痕进来时，看起来很糟糕。
I tried to cover it up.
我试图掩盖它。
I felt like my teachers are going to look at me so disappointed.
我觉得我的老师会很失望地看着我。
Testing, Courtney, Courtney, hello.
测试，考特尼，考特尼，你好。
School just ended about 15 minutes ago, and today is the first day I've been in school for at least the past month.
学校大约 15 分钟前刚刚放学，今天是我至少过去一个月来上学的第一天。
Not something I'm very proud of.
这不是我非常自豪的事情。
I'm sure you're thinking, who the hell stays with someone like him for this long?
我相信你一定在想，到底谁会和他这样的人待这么久呢？
Believe me, I get it.
相信我，我明白了。
I think I'm an idiot.
我想我是个白痴。
I don't know what makes me stay.
我不知道是什么让我留下来。
I mean, one time I was trying to leave, and he took my sweater into the bathroom and peed on it.
我是说，有一次我正想离开，他把我的毛衣拿进浴室，然后在上面撒了尿。
He spit in my face in front of company more than once.
他不止一次在公司面前向我吐口水。
There are some things he's done to me that are just so embarrassing I've never told anyone.
他对我做了一些让我很尴尬的事情，我从来没有告诉过任何人。
I don't want people to look at me and say, you allowed him to do that to you, and you're still with him?
我不想让人们看着我说，你允许他对你这样做，而你还和他在一起吗？
So I just shut down and don't talk to anybody, including Nicole.
所以我就闭嘴，不和任何人说话，包括妮可。
This is what she thinks of the situation.
对于目前的情况，她是这么认为的。
(SUBJECT) NICOLE: I feel like, basically, you don't leave, because when you come home, there's really no one here.
（主题）妮可：我觉得，基本上，你不会离开，因为当你回家时，这里真的没有人。
She means that my mom works a lot and spends weekends at her boyfriend's.
她的意思是我妈妈工作很多，周末会去她男朋友家。
So she's not always home.
所以她并不总是在家。
Personally, you really have nobody.
就个人而言，你真的没有人。
I feel like that's the real reason, because you're used to that environment, always being with him every day.
我觉得这才是真正的原因，因为你已经习惯了那个环境，每天都和他在一起。
I know it's hard.
我知道这很难。
You always say it's hard for you to make new friend.
你总是说你很难结交新朋友。
Meanwhile, it's really not that hard.
同时，这实际上并不那么难。
I mean, I didn't have that much of a hard time making friends when I was younger.
我的意思是，我年轻时交朋友并没有那么困难。
I wasn't like that.
我本来就不是那样的人。
I don't know when it changed, or how it changed.
我不知道什么时候变的，也不知道怎么变的。
(SUBJECT) NICOLE: Because he shut down your whole confidence.
（主题）妮可：因为他关闭了你的全部信心。
It's hard to come back when you don't talk to anyone like you haven't talked to or interacted with a person in how long?
当你不与任何人交谈时，就像你多久没有与人交谈或互动一样，很难再回来？
And you expect to interact--
而你期望互动——
Because you're talking like you're twisted.
因为你说的话就像你扭曲了一样。
Why are you laughing?
你笑什么？
Are you laughing at me because I'm an idiot?
你在笑我是因为我是个白痴吗？
I'll think about all the stuff he'd done to me and just be like, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
我会想起他对我做的所有事情，然后就会说，我恨他，我恨他，我恨他。
(INTERVIEWER) RAINY: What are you talking about?
（采访者）Rainy：你在说什么？
You're not putting me on nothing.
你没有让我做什么。
I'm going to stab you in the face.
我要刺你的脸。
No, chill.
不，冷静。
Oh.
哦。
All right, bye.
好吧，再见。
I think this wouldn't have happened with someone my own age.
我想对于我这个年纪的人来说，这种事是不会发生的。
I mean, Tony was the first guy I was ever seriously with.
我的意思是，托尼是我第一个认真对待的人。
I didn't know anything, really, about being in a relationship.
我真的对恋爱一无所知。
So I trusted him on how he thought things should be.
所以我相信他认为事情应该如何发展。
In the beginning, I was always worried that he would break up with me.
一开始，我一直担心他会和我分手。
I remember the first time he did.
我记得他第一次这样做。
I was just shivering, literally shaking.
我只是在发抖，真的是在发抖。
I didn't know how to be without him.
我不知道没有他该怎么办。
I can't believe that I've been with him for five years now.
我不敢相信我已经和他在一起五年了。
That's over a quarter of my life.
这已经是我人生的四分之一以上了。
The first 50% of my life, I was probably pissing my pants and my mom was on drugs.
我生命的前 50%，我可能会尿裤子，而我妈妈则吸毒。
So I blocked a lot of it out.
所以我屏蔽了很多。
Then I was fat for the next five years.
然后我在接下来的五年里一直很胖。
Then I have this [BLEEP].
然后我就有了这个[BLEEP]。
I'm wasting my life.
我在浪费生命。
(INTERVIEWER) RAINY: Oy vey.
（采访者） RAINY： 哦，非常。
Yup, so another diary.
是的，还有另一本日记。
The longer I live with him, the more angry I get.
我和他住得越久，我就越生气。
He won't let me express my emotions.
他不让我表达我的情绪。
He won't let me cry.
他不会让我哭。
He won't let me yell.
他不会让我大喊大叫。
Some girl kept coming around.
有一个女孩不断地过来。
She would not leave him alone.
她不会丢下他一个人。
I wanted to beat her up, but then she started telling me what was actually going on, that she'd been seeing him on and off for the past two years.
我想打她，但后来她开始告诉我到底发生了什么，过去两年她一直断断续续地看到他。
This isn't the first time he's cheated on me, but she's the youngest.
这不是他第一次欺骗我，但她是最小的。
She just turned 15.
她刚满15岁。
And Tony's 25 now.
托尼现在 25 岁了。
He's doing the same thing to her that he did with me.
他对她做的事和对我做的事一样。
I always felt like I needed this huge epiphany or something crazy big to happen to end the cycle.
我总觉得我需要这个巨大的顿悟或者一些疯狂的大事情来结束这个循环。
But something just broke inside me.
但我内心有什么东西崩溃了。
A switch turned off.
一个开关关闭了。
And that was it.
就是这样。
I'm done with him.
我和他已经结束了
(INTERVIEWER) RAINY: All right, mom, I want you to be as truthful as possible.
（采访者） RAINY：好吧，妈妈，我希望你尽可能诚实。
And don't think I'm going to get mad at you for anything you say.
别以为我会因为你说的任何话而生你的气。
I haven't really been home since I got together with Tony.
自从和托尼在一起之后我就没有真正回家过。
I haven't had a chance for my mom to baby me.
我还没有机会让妈妈抚养我。
I feel like I missed out on that, for a lot of my life, actually.
事实上，我觉得我一生中的大部分时间都错过了这一点。
What did you say when I said me and him were breaking up this time?
我说我和他这次分手的时候你说什么？
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: I said, thank God.
（主题） 雷妮的母亲：我说，感谢上帝。
Did you believe me?
你相信我吗？
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: I prayed so.
（主题）雷妮的母亲：我是这样祈祷的。
Yeah, I wanted to believe you.
是的，我想相信你。
Yes, absolutely.
是的，绝对是。
Are you watering your truth down maybe just a little bit because I got mad at you last time you said that?
你是否因为上次你这么说时我对你生气而淡化了你的真相？
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: Yeah, you did get mad at me the last time I said that.
（对象） RAINY 的母亲：是的，上次我这么说的时候你确实生我的气了。
The last time you said-- what the hell did you say?
上次你说——你到底说了什么？
Oh, I said that we were broken up, and you said, for how long this time?
哦，我说我们分手了，你说，这次分手多久了？
Two weeks, you're going to be back together.
两周后，你们就会重聚。
Something like that.
类似的事情。
Is that how you really felt?
这是你真实的感受吗？
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: Well, that's how it's been, basically.
（主题） RAINY 的母亲：嗯，基本上就是这样。
I mean, the longest you've broken up so far is six months.
我的意思是，到目前为止你们分手最长的时间是六个月。
Do you think my relationship with him is like a drug, like an addiction?
你觉得我和他的关系像毒品一样，像瘾一样吗？
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: Absolutely.
（主题） RAINY 的母亲： 当然。
Yes, I do.
是的，我愿意。
I think it's a drug that you can't seem to stop.
我认为这是一种你似乎无法停止的药物。
You want it.
你想要它。
You know it's no good for you.
你知道这对你没有好处。
And you want it.
你想要它。
You want to caress it.
你想抚摸它。
You want to hold it.
你想抓住它。
You want it to be in your body, to be next to your body.
你希望它在你的身体里，在你的身体旁边。
You want to suck in every minute, thinking it's life.
你想要享受每一分钟，认为这就是生活。
And then, when it's over, you feel that it's not.
然后，当事情结束时，你又觉得事情并非如此。
Does my behavior remind you, in any way, of your own?
我的行为是否让你想起了你自己的行为？
Absolutely, just like me, only mine was with the drugs, and I couldn't stay away.
绝对的，就像我一样，只有我和毒品在一起，我无法远离。
Do you think I was in any way more susceptible to being in an abusive relationship because of how life was growing up?
您是否认为由于生活的成长方式，我更容易陷入虐待关系？
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: I actually didn't see that coming, but I do see you as a caretaker.
（主题） RAINY 的母亲：实际上我没有预见到这一点，但我确实将你视为看护人。
You want to take care of a man, and I'm kind of the same way.
你想照顾一个男人，我也是这样。
If this-- if this could record my face.
如果这——如果这能记录我的脸就好了。
Yeah, so I don't know if there's anything else I'm supposed to ask you.
是的，所以我不知道还有什么可以问你的吗？
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: I'm glad you're not with him now.
（主题）雷尼的母亲：我很高兴你现在不和他在一起。
So before I end this recording, do you believe this is the last time?
那么在我结束这次录音之前，你认为这是最后一次吗？
(SUBJECT) RAINY'S MOTHER: From your lips to God's ears, yes, I'm going to believe.
（主题） 雷妮的母亲：从你的嘴唇到上帝的耳朵，是的，我会相信。
Definitely power in prayer
绝对是祷告的力量
I can't even hold eye contact with him.
我什至无法与他保持目光接触。
It's just so hard.
这太难了。
It's just awkward.
这很尴尬。
It's just so awkward.
真是太尴尬了。
It's like when you're on the subway, and you think you saw someone that you know.
就像当你在地铁上时，你认为你看到了一个你认识的人。
You take a quick glance.
你快速浏览一下。
You meet eyes, and you look away as quick as-- you look away, because it's awkward.
你们四目相对，然后很快就移开了视线，因为这很尴尬。
(HOST) BIANCA GIAEVER: Larry's dad worked so late, sometimes Larry would go days without seeing him.
（主持人）BIANCA GIAEVER：拉里的爸爸工作到很晚，有时拉里会好几天都见不到他。
And even when they did have a rare chunk of time together, it wasn't exactly quality father-son time.
即使他们确实有一段难得的在一起时光，但这也不是优质的父子时光。
It was actually the opposite.
事实上恰恰相反。
Especially if we're having dinner together or something, and my mom's not home, he'll call me down.
特别是如果我们一起吃晚饭什么的，而我妈妈不在家，他就会叫我下来。
And I'll set the table, and we'll just both be picking at the food and not saying a word.
我会摆好桌子，然后我们就一起挑选食物，一言不发。
(INTERVIEWER) BIANCA GIAEVER: And then it would be complete silence the entire time you guys are eating?
（采访者） BIANCA GIAEVER：然后你们吃饭的时候就完全安静了？
Yeah, definitely.
是的，绝对是。
(INTERVIEWER) BIANCA GIAEVER: Can you list off the things that he would say to you that you could understand?
（采访者）BIANCA GIAEVER：你能列出他会对你说的你能理解的话吗？
It really just came down to whether I was one, healthy, or, two, hungry.
这实际上取决于我是一岁，健康，还是二岁，饥饿。
And if I was not hungry, and if I was healthy, then I was good.
如果我不饿，而且身体健康，那么我就很好。
It was definitely upsetting, especially growing up.
这绝对令人不安，尤其是在成长过程中。
But I think it got to a point where I just didn't really register that feeling anymore.
但我认为已经到了我不再真正感受到那种感觉的地步了。
I just started feeling nothing for him when I would see him.
当我见到他时，我才开始对他没有任何感觉。
He would just be basically a wall to me, just like a third wall, and I'd walk right past him.
对我来说，他基本上只是一堵墙，就像第三堵墙一样，我会从他身边走过。
(HOST) BIANCA GIAEVER: When Larry was eight, his little brother was born, and his parents sent his brother to Chinese school.
（主持人）BIANCA GIAEVER：拉里八岁时，他的弟弟出生了，他的父母把他的弟弟送到了中文学校。
And as he grew up, his brother could talk to his dad.
当他长大后，他的兄弟可以和他的父亲交谈。
The two of them got along great.
他们两个相处得很好。
Larry would watch the two of them making jokes with each other, laughing, smiling.
拉里会看着他们两个互相开玩笑，大笑，微笑。
Before that, he said he didn't even know his dad could laugh.
在此之前，他说他甚至不知道他的爸爸会笑。
I just really felt angriest towards him.
我真的对他感到最愤怒。
I just felt strong resentment.
我只是感到强烈的怨恨。
Because, in my head, I thought that he definitely does not love me.
因为，在我心里，我认为他肯定不爱我。
And so I'm not going to care about who this person is.
所以我不会关心这个人是谁。
(HOST) BIANCA GIAEVER: When Larry was 14, the construction business that Larry's family owned in China took off.
（主持人）BIANCA GIAEVER：拉里 14 岁时，拉里家族在中国拥有的建筑业务开始腾飞。
It was making more money than the takeout restaurant, so Larry's dad moved back to China in order to send more money home.
它比外卖餐厅赚更多的钱，所以拉里的爸爸搬回中国，以便寄更多的钱回家。
He wrote Larry a letter to say goodbye.
他给拉里写了一封信告别。
So it's about six pages long.
所以它大约有六页长。
On the left side, it's the Chinese.
左边是中国人。
And on the right side, it's the English that my aunt translated.
右边是我阿姨翻译的英文。
(HOST) BIANCA GIAEVER: Larry got the letter after his dad had already gone.
（主持人）BIANCA GIAEVER：拉里在他父亲去世后收到了这封信。
Here are some excerpts read by Larry.
以下是拉里阅读的一些摘录。
"Son, I remember the days after you were born.
“儿子，我还记得你出生后的那些日子。
I was thankful because your arrival brought me a brilliant outlook in life.
我很感激，因为你的到来给我带来了美好的人生前景。
When I wrote this letter, I struggled tremendously.
当我写这封信时，我内心非常挣扎。
However, it is a father's duty to mentor his son.
然而，教导儿子是父亲的责任。
I cannot communicate with you.
我无法与你沟通。
Time flies.
时间过得真快。
In the blink of an eye, I will turn 40 years old.
一转眼，我就40岁了。
In another two or three years, you will leave mom and I to attend college, learn the necessary skills, be independent.
再过两三年，你将离开我和妈妈去上大学，学习必要的技能，独立。
Sorting and organizing your books to keeping your desk clean will leave a good and lasting impression on others.
整理和整理你的书籍以保持办公桌清洁会给别人留下良好而持久的印象。
Before you go to school every morning, remember to eat something.
每天早上去学校之前，记得吃点东西。
Do not pressure yourself.
不要给自己施加压力。
As long as you are unafraid of working hard, there will be a path for you.
只要你不畏惧努力，就会有适合你的路。
I cannot speak English, and I've been able to support my family all these years, so relax and do your best.
我不会说英语，这些年我已经能够养家糊口了，所以放松点，尽力而为吧。
Thank God for giving me the courage to write this letter to my oldest son.
感谢上帝给我勇气给我的大儿子写这封信。
I believe deeply that to gain anything, you must surrender something.
我深深地相信，要获得任何东西，就必须放弃一些东西。
Conversely, Anything that you surrender you must gain something back.
相反，任何你放弃的东西，你都必须得到一些东西。
Pardon for my sharing.
请原谅我的分享。
Pa."
爸。”
I read it through the first time, and by the end of it, I'm really crying.
我读了第一遍，读到最后，我真的哭了。
It just really hit me hard, because that was the first time he ever said, I love you.
这对我打击很大，因为那是他第一次说，我爱你。
Every line just made me start crying over again.
每一句台词都让我再次哭泣。
(INTERVIEWER) BIANCA GIAEVER: This is like one moment where you realize everything you thought was totally wrong?
（采访者）BIANCA GIAEVER：这就像一个时刻，你意识到你认为的一切都是完全错误的？
Yeah, I felt so guilty, because it was basically my fault for not understanding that this is actually how he feels.
是的，我感到很内疚，因为这基本上是我的错，因为我不明白这实际上就是他的感受。
(INTERVIEWER) BIANCA GIAEVER: Was some part of you, like, why didn't you tell me this earlier?
（采访者）BIANCA GIAEVER：您的内心深处是否有这样的想法：为什么不早点告诉我这一点？
No, because my dad's main focus was making sure we have a place to live and we have food.
不，因为我父亲的主要任务是确保我们有地方住，有食物。
In my head, I envision my dad working, like, 14 hours a day, standing by hot oil, cooking, lugging around boxes and stuff like that.
在我的脑海里，我想象着我爸爸每天工作 14 个小时，站在热油旁、做饭、搬运箱子之类的。
So when I put it into perspective, I realized, you know, he bears a lot more burden than I will ever bear.
所以当我正确看待这一点时，我意识到，你知道，他承受的负担比我承受的要多得多。
(HOST) BIANCA GIAEVER: What Larry saw in the letter was, his dad had been thinking about him all this time.
（主持人）BIANCA GIAEVER：拉里在信中看到的是，他的父亲一直在想着他。
He had been noticing him and worrying about him.
他一直在关注他，也一直在担心他。
So Larry gets this amazing letter that totally changes how he sees his father, and he never writes him back.
拉里收到了这封令人惊奇的信，这封信彻底改变了他对父亲的看法，但他再也没有给他回信。
Remember, he was 14, in middle school.
请记住，他14岁，正在上中学。
He wasn't mature enough to know how to respond, but he decided he'd study Chinese someday, so he could finally talk to his dad.
他还不够成熟，不知道如何回应，但他决定有一天要学习中文，这样他终于可以和父亲交谈了。
He started taking classes in college, but he's still not fluent.
他在大学开始上课，但仍然不太流利。
(HOST) BIANCA GIAEVER: We got Larry's dad on the phone and played the recording for him.
（主持人）BIANCA GIAEVER：我们给拉里的爸爸打了电话，并为他播放了录音。
For the first time, his dad heard his son speak in a language he could understand.
他的父亲第一次听到儿子用他能理解的语言说话。
Here's what his dad heard.
这是他父亲听到的。
Dear Ba, when I think about our house when I was a kid, I think about mom cooking greens in soy sauce chicken.
亲爱的爸爸，当我想起小时候我们家的时候，我就想起妈妈做青菜的酱油鸡。
I think about the whole family yelling at each other over the dinner table, typical Fujianese.
我想起全家人在餐桌上互相吼叫，典型的福建人。
It's so loud.
声音太大了。
And then I think about you reading a book on the couch, totally silent.
然后我想到你在沙发上看书，完全沉默。
Sometimes, Mom would come up to me and say, go spend some time with Dad.
有时，妈妈会走过来对我说，去陪陪爸爸吧。
I remember saying, there's no point.
我记得我说过，没有意义。
We can't even speak to each other.
我们甚至不能互相说话。
She'd say, just try it.
她会说，试试吧。
But I just shrugged and went back to my room.
但我只是耸耸肩，回到了自己的房间。
Then I got your letter.
然后我收到了你的信。
I've read it countless times since high school.
从高中开始我已经读了无数遍了。
I treasure it and read it sometimes when I feel down about myself.
我很珍惜它，有时当我对自己感到沮丧时就会读它。
It makes me feel better about myself, about family.
这让我对自己、对家庭感觉更好。
But the most important thing about the letter was that, for the first time, I felt like you were speaking directly to me.
但这封信最重要的是，我第一次感觉到你是在直接对我说话。
And I was so surprised by how emotional you were.
我对你如此情绪化感到非常惊讶。
And when I read that letter, I thought, here's someone I care about, I appreciate, and I want to get to know better.
当我读到那封信时，我想，这是我关心、我欣赏的人，我想更好地了解他。
I had so many questions for you at first-- what your childhood was like?
一开始我有很多问题想问你——你的童年是什么样的？
What would you do for fun?
你会做什么好玩的事？
Who were your friends?
谁是你的朋友？
Did you know you were going to be working in a Chinese takeout restaurant for two decades?
您知道您将在一家中式外卖餐厅工作二十年吗？
Did you enjoy it?
你喜欢吗？
Did it mean anything to you?
这对你来说有什么意义吗？
But then I realized that everything I thought about you my whole life was completely wrong, and I felt guilty that I never tried to get to know you.
但后来我意识到我一生对你的所有想法都是完全错误的，我为自己从未尝试去了解你而感到内疚。
I'm so sorry.
我很抱歉。
But it's not too late.
但还不算太晚。
Now that I know a little more about who you are, I want you to know who I am, where I live, where I like to go, who my friends are, what I like to do, what instruments I play.
现在我对你是谁有了更多的了解，我想让你知道我是谁，我住在哪里，我喜欢去哪里，我的朋友是谁，我喜欢做什么，我演奏什么乐器。
I'm learning Chinese now in school.
我现在在学校学习中文。
Hopefully, one day we can actually talk about all these things for real, face to face.
希望有一天我们能够真正面对面地谈论所有这些事情。
Till then, I'm happy to simply know how much we care about each other.
到那时，我很高兴知道我们有多么关心彼此。
I love you, Pa.
我爱你，爸爸。
So what's your reaction?
那么你的反应是什么？
[SPEAKING CHINESE]
[说中文]
(SUBJECT) INTERPRETER: I haven't quite caught up to my own emotions at this moment.
（主题）翻译：此刻我还没有完全控制住自己的情绪。
I felt this is the most-- the most you've ever talked to me.
我觉得这是你对我说得最多的一次。
Yeah, so is there anything that you've wanted to ask me about my life?
是的，那么关于我的生活，你有什么想问我的吗？
In terms of planning for your life, I care about whether you have a girlfriend or not.
在人生规划方面，我关心的是你有没有女朋友。
You start to get worried when you're getting to your 20s.
当你到了20多岁的时候，你就会开始担心。
I know you might have your own plans, but I worry about those things.
我知道你可能有自己的计划，但我担心这些事情。
You're on.
你开始了。
I don't have a girlfriend right now.
我现在没有女朋友。
But besides that, I just wanted to know was there anything in the letter that surprised you?
但除此之外，我只是想知道信中还有什么让你感到惊讶的吗？
Once I listened to your letter, I felt a sense of contentment.
听了你的来信，我感到很满足。
I feel I will, from this moment on, always look at you differently.
我觉得，从这一刻起，我会用不同的眼光看你。
You're no longer a child, no longer a boy.
你不再是一个孩子，不再是一个男孩。
And I just feel very relieved that you can express these things with me through the letter.
而你能通过信向我表达这些事情，我感到非常欣慰。
(SUBJECT) LARRY: When did you realize that you couldn't talk to me, where you realized that you couldn't communicate with your son?
（主题）拉里：你什么时候意识到你不能和我说话，你什么时候意识到你不能和你的儿子沟通？
There were moments when your mom wasn't around, and all I could figure out with you is whether you're hungry or not.
有时候你妈妈不在身边，我能和你弄清楚的就是你是否饿了。
And if you are, I would give you food, but anything beyond that was impossible.
如果你是，我会给你食物，但除此之外的任何事情都是不可能的。
And those are very painful moments.
这些都是非常痛苦的时刻。
And I also hope that you don't have to make choices like this between your family and your work.
我也希望你不必在家庭和工作之间做出这样的选择。
I hope you have a happy family, that you will have a different life than what I did.
我希望你有一个幸福的家庭，希望你能过上和我不一样的生活。
Yeah.
是的。
I mean, I understand everything that you did.
我的意思是，我理解你所做的一切。
And for what you did, I don't think you're any less of a father.
就你所做的事而言，我认为你丝毫不逊色于一个父亲。
Well, thank you, my little boy, for saying this.
好吧，谢谢你，我的小男孩，你说了这些。
But I do feel regretful and guilty as a father, as a husband, for not being able to take care of the family.
但作为一个父亲、一个丈夫，我确实为自己没能照顾好家庭而感到遗憾和愧疚。
No, it's OK now.
不，现在已经好了。
I love you, and we're here.
我爱你，我们就在这里。
I just waited a really long time to say that.
我等了很长时间才这么说。
Well, you're just like me.
嗯，你就像我一样。
I'm not very good at expressing.
我不太擅长表达。
I like to hold my feelings, my thoughts to myself, and maybe that's something we can work on together.
我喜欢把自己的感受和想法留给自己，也许这是我们可以共同努力的事情。
We would tell each other more.
我们会告诉彼此更多。
We would tell each other sooner how we feel, what we think.
我们会尽快告诉对方我们的感受和想法。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah, I definitely, definitely look forward to building our relationship and just learning more.
是的，我绝对、绝对期待建立我们的关系并了解更多。
I am thousands of miles away from my son, but I feel like I'm sitting next to him for the first time.
我与儿子相隔千里，但我却感觉自己第一次坐在他身边。
(HOST) BIANCA GIAEVER: At this point, everyone in the room is crying-- Larry, me, my producer, even the translator.
（主持人）BIANCA GIAEVER：此时，房间里的每个人都在哭——拉里、我、我的制片人，甚至翻译。
Larry and his dad text regularly now.
拉里和他的父亲现在经常发短信。
Larry's Chinese is now good enough where he can understand most of what his dad says, and he can put the rest into a translation app.
拉里的中文现在已经足够好了，他可以理解他爸爸说的大部分内容，并且可以将其余的内容放入翻译应用程序中。
I read their texts, and it's not deep.
我读过他们的文章，内容不深。
It's just normal.
这很正常。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。