549: Amateur Hour - This American Life

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Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”

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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #549 | April 2, 2021 549: Amateur Hour Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.

00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 549 集 | 2021 年 4 月 2 日 549：业余时间 注：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。

If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.

如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。

Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.

文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。

Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.

请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。

Prologue Ira Glass We've been doing a lot of stories lately on the radio show about police.

序言 Ira Glass 最近我们在广播节目中做了很多关于警察的故事。

And they've been pretty heavy, we know.

我们知道，它们非常重。

This is not a story like that.

这不是一个那样的故事。

In fact, kind of the opposite.

事实上，恰恰相反。

When Miles and Katie's apartment was robbed, they knew this was not going to be a big case.

当迈尔斯和凯蒂的公寓被抢劫时，他们知道这不会是一个大案子。

And if you got right down to it, they did not have a problem with that.

如果你认真对待的话，他们对此没有任何问题。

New York City cops arrived after the burglary.

盗窃案发生后，纽约市警察赶到。

They had probably just come from some sort of situation where someone had gotten stabbed in the neck.

他们可能刚刚经历过有人脖子被刺伤的情况。

And now they're in these kind of yuppies' apartment, and we're running down this laundry list of things that had been stolen.

现在他们在雅皮士的公寓里，我们正在清查被盗物品的清单。

And the list is like-- Miles Oh, it's so embarrassing.

名单就像——迈尔斯哦，太尴尬了。

It's like, an iPad, an iPod, an Xbox.

它就像 iPad、iPod、Xbox。

They've got bigger problems.

他们有更大的问题。

Katie Yeah, they got bigger fish to fry.

凯蒂 是的，他们还有更大的鱼要煎。

Surveillance video from the building showed that the culprits were three teenagers who took the elevator to the top floor, probably jumped down onto a balcony, and then walked into Katie's and Miles' apartment through a sliding glass door.

大楼监控视频显示，肇事者是三名青少年，他们乘电梯到顶楼，很可能跳下阳台，然后通过滑动玻璃门走进凯蒂和迈尔斯的公寓。

Then there's video of them leaving the building.

然后是他们离开大楼的视频。

Three teenage guys with three of our backpacks, stuffed full.

三个十几岁的小伙子带着我们的三个背包，里面装满了东西。

Our own backpacks.

我们自己的背包。

Ira Glass So they didn't even have any plans on how they're going to carry this out?

Ira Glass：所以他们甚至没有任何关于如何实施这一计划的计划？

I guess not.

我想不是。

Miles It didn't seem like a very well-thought-out caper.

迈尔斯 这看起来不像是经过深思熟虑的胡作非为。

This was more of a-- let's break into this building and see if someone's dumb enough to leave their sliding glass door open.

这更像是——让我们闯入这座大楼，看看是否有人愚蠢到打开滑动玻璃门。

Of all the things they lost, the only thing that they actually cared about was their video camera.

在他们失去的所有东西中，他们唯一真正关心的是摄像机。

And they only cared about that because it had their wedding video on it-- the only copy.

他们只关心这一点，因为上面有他们的婚礼视频——唯一的副本。

Katie filmed the wedding to show her brother but hadn't yet.

凯蒂拍摄了婚礼给她哥哥看，但还没有。

My brother, who I'm really close to, couldn't come to the wedding.

我和我关系很亲密的哥哥没能来参加婚礼。

And so it was really sentimental, and I really wanted it back.

所以这真的很感伤，我真的很想把它拿回来。

And I was really upset.

我真的很沮丧。

I was really, really sad about it.

我对此真的非常非常难过。

So the morning after the burglary, knowing the police were not going to be much help on this one, Katie decides to jump into action herself.

因此，入室盗窃案发生后的第二天早上，凯蒂知道警方不会对这起案件提供太多帮助，因此她决定亲自采取行动。

She goes onto Craigslist to see if the thieves have put her camera up for sale there.

她登录 Craigslist，查看窃贼是否将她的相机挂在那里出售。

And boom, she finds it immediately.

砰，她立刻就找到了。

Same camera in the same bag, with all the accessories that she had specially bought for the camera.

同一个包里装着同样的相机，还有她专门为相机买的所有配件。

It had to be hers.

它必须是她的。

And she calls the detectives on the case, tells them the good news.

她打电话给负责此案的侦探，告诉他们这个好消息。

Like, I can get my camera, and I can probably put these guys in jail.

就像，我可以拿到我的相机，我可能可以把这些人关进监狱。

And he just immediately shoots me down and says, you know, "there's no way of really knowing if that's your camera.

他立即将我击倒并说，你知道，“没有办法真正知道那是不是你的相机。

We can't help you with anything.

我们无法帮助您任何事情。

The only way we'd be able to help you is if you got the guy to give you a serial number off the camera and if you happen to still have the serial number from the camera, and they match." And I think he was just thinking, like, that'll never happen.

我们能够帮助你的唯一方法是，如果你让那个人给你一个相机的序列号，并且如果你碰巧仍然有相机的序列号，并且它们匹配。”我认为他只是在想，这永远不会发生。

Katie, however, saves all her warranties in a special folder.

然而，凯蒂将她的所有保证保存在一个特殊的文件夹中。

She does have the serial number.

她确实有序列号。

And to confirm that it's the same as the advertised camera, she calls the guy on Craigslist and she concocts this story that she is a girl who needs to buy the camera for a school project.

为了确认它与广告中的相机相同，她给 Craigslist 上的那个人打电话，并编造了一个故事，说她是一个女孩，需要为学校项目购买相机。

She puts on this supposedly tough-sounding Brooklyn accent that I would describe as kind of the Brooklyn accent you would hear performed by a kid actor on the Disney Channel.

她的布鲁克林口音据说听起来很粗鲁，我将其描述为您在迪士尼频道上听到的童星表演的布鲁克林口音。

I made her do this for me.

我让她为我做这件事。

You do not want to hear it.

你不想听到它。

And I told him that my boyfriend was going to kick my ass if I spent our last $300 buying a camera that broke the next day.

我告诉他，如果我花最后 300 美元买了一台第二天就坏了的相机，我男朋友会踢我的屁股。

And so, "Do you have the warranty for the camera?" And he said, "No." He was like, "Uh, I got this camera from my friend, so there was no warranty with it."

所以，“你的相机有保修吗？”他说：“不。”他说，“呃，这台相机是我从朋友那里买来的，所以没有保修。”

I was like, "OK, well, do you know, like, is there a way to find out if it's still under warranty?" And he said, "Well, I think you can find out if the camera's under warranty if you go online." And I was like, "OK, well, what do I need to do?" And he was like, "Well, I think you need to have the serial number."

我当时想，“好吧，你知道吗，有没有办法查明它是否仍在保修期内？”他说：“好吧，我想你上网就能知道相机是否在保修期内。”我当时想，“好吧，我需要做什么？”他说：“好吧，我认为你需要有序列号。”

So you didn't actually just ask him for the serial number.

所以你实际上不只是向他询问序列号。

You wanted him to suggest the serial number?

你想让他建议序列号吗？

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Because I thought if I asked him for the serial number, then he would know right away what I was trying to do.

因为我想如果我向他询问序列号，那么他会立即知道我想做什么。

Wow.

哇。

Katie So I was trying to get him to say it.

凯蒂 所以我试图让他说出来。

She asked him, "Can you read me the serial number?" And he says he doesn't have the camera with them.

她问他：“你能读一下序列号吗？”他说他没有带相机。

He'll have to call her back.

他得给她回电话。

And she figures, oh, that's it.

她想，哦，就是这样。

The jig is up.

夹具已升起。

He knows she's lying.

他知道她在撒谎。

He will never call back.

他永远不会回电。

As Miles points out, this story that she has made up, it really makes no sense at all.

正如迈尔斯指出的，她编造的这个故事根本毫无意义。

Like, OK, she's got a sociopath boyfriend.

就像，好吧，她有一个反社会的男朋友。

Who would beat up his girlfriend over the very nerdy error of buying a video camera that wasn't under warranty.

谁会因为买了一台不在保修期内的摄像机而殴打他的女朋友呢？

[LAUGHS] Miles [LAUGHS] It wasn't like he was drunk and he found her cheating on him or anything.

[笑]迈尔斯[笑]这不像他喝醉了，他发现她欺骗了他或其他什么。

He was like, he's violent enough to beat somebody up, but only if they buy a video camera that we don't have a warranty for.

他说，他的暴力程度足以殴打某人，但前提是他们购买了我们没有保修的摄像机。

(IN HOLLYWOOD BROOKLYN ACCENT) Because God forbid something should happen, you know, and this camera breaks down.

（带有好莱坞布鲁克林口音）因为上帝禁止发生某些事情，你知道，这台相机就坏了。

"We can't get our money back!

“我们的钱拿不回来了！

We can't get it repaired!

我们无法修复它！

You know what's gonna happen." It's like, what?

你知道会发生什么。”就像，什么？

And then the guy calls back.

然后那个人回电话了。

Gives her the serial number.

给她序列号。

Of course it matches.

当然很匹配。

Katie calls the detective to let him know.

凯蒂打电话给侦探告知情况。

He says, "Oh, really?

他说：“哦，真的吗？

Well, what should we do?" [LAUGHS] And I was like, "You tell me what we should do.

嗯，我们该怎么办？” [笑]我当时想，“你告诉我我们应该做什么。

You're the detective."

你是侦探。”

And he says, "Of course, we'll do a sting.

他说：“当然，我们会进行蜇刺。

Call the guy and arrange to buy the camera from him.

打电话给那个人并安排从他那里购买相机。

Set a location.

设定一个位置。

We'll be there, too.

我们也会在那里。

We'll swoop in.

我们会猛扑进去。

We'll nab him."

我们会抓住他的。”

15 minutes later, the police arrive to take Katie and Miles to the sting.

15 分钟后，警察赶到，将凯蒂和迈尔斯带到了刺痛处。

Katie runs downstairs to meet the detective on the street.

凯蒂跑下楼去见街上的侦探。

He tells me that there's been a change of plans.

他告诉我计划有变。

He doesn't need my husband to come anymore.

他不需要我丈夫来了。

He only needs me.

他只需要我。

I'm not going to meet the burglar face-to-face anymore, because it's not safe.

我不会再和窃贼面对面了，因为这不安全。

And so he's got a different plan of how we're going to do this.

所以他对我们如何做到这一点有一个不同的计划。

At that point, Miles arrives downstairs.

这时，迈尔斯来到了楼下。

I turn around to him and I just say, "Change of plans.

我转身对他说：“计划改变。

They don't need us both anymore.

他们不再需要我们两个了。

They just need me.

他们只需要我。

It's not safe for you to go.

你去不安全。

I'll call you when it's over."

结束后我会给你打电话。”

[LAUGHTER] Katie [LAUGHTER] And he's, like, stunned.

[笑声]凯蒂[笑声]他，就像，惊呆了。

(LAUGHING) 'Cause that's not alarming at all.

（笑）因为这根本不值得担心。

(LAUGHING) Yeah.

（笑）是的。

Ira Glass Miles watches her get into the car and drive off.

艾拉·格拉斯·迈尔斯看着她上车然后开走。

Inside the car, Katie says, the detectives tell her the new plan.

凯蒂说，在车内，侦探们告诉了她新计划。

She's going to stay in the car and talk to the guy on the cellphone, keep him talking as the cops go and grab them-- though they are very skeptical.

她会留在车里和那个打电话的人说话，在警察去抓他们的时候让他继续说话——尽管他们非常怀疑。

Basically saying, like, "The chance of this working out is so small." Like, "This is never going to happen.

基本上就是说，“这次成功的机会太小了。”就像，“这永远不会发生。

Don't get your panties in a bunch."

别把你的内裤弄成一堆。”

She and the Craigslist guy agree to meet at a CVS drugstore.

她和 Craigslist 的人同意在 CVS 药店见面。

Cops go inside.

警察进去。

Then on the cellphone, Katie asks him, OK, "What are you wearing?" so she can recognize him.

然后凯蒂在手机上问他，好吧，“你穿什么？”这样她就能认出他。

She tells him, "OK, I'm in the make-up aisle."

她告诉他：“好吧，我在化妆品货架上。”

I'm like, "Oh, I'm by the CoverGirl makeup." He starts walking down the aisle, I guess, and he says, "Oh, I still don't see you." And at that point, I hear, "Hands up!

我想，“哦，我是用封面女郎的妆容来的。”我猜他开始沿着过道走，然后他说：“哦，我还是没看到你。”就在那时，我听到：“举起手来！

You're under arrest."

你被捕了。”

And the same detectives who were brushing me off the entire ride out there then are walking over to the car with the video camera in hand, high-fiving each other.

那些在整个旅程中一直对我不屑一顾的侦探，现在手里拿着摄像机走到车旁，互相击掌。

And I hear them say, like, "That was some real police work.

我听到他们说，“那是真正的警察工作。

Great detective work."

伟大的侦探工作。”

The police could not be more surprised to be making this arrest.

警方对这次逮捕感到非常惊讶。

And to be fair, as Miles pointed out, it's crazy that it worked.

公平地说，正如迈尔斯指出的那样，它的成功真是太疯狂了。

There's so many different stages where the criminal should've bailed out, you know?

罪犯应该在很多不同的阶段保释，你知道吗？

Like the fact that she comes up the story about, I need the warranty.

就像她提出的故事一样，我需要保修。

He calls her back.

他给她回电话。

He makes the effort to call her back and said, "Didn't you need a serial number for the warranty?" It's like, what?

他努力给她回电话，说道：“你不需要保修序列号吗？”就像，什么？

Like, I can't believe that he's playing along with it.

就像，我不敢相信他会配合它。

Honestly, like, you don't get that level of service from real stores.

老实说，你无法从真正的商店获得这种水平的服务。

[LAUGHS] You don't.

[笑]你不知道。

Ira Glass See, but that's the whole thing, is that she's an amateur sleuth, but he's also an amateur criminal.

艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 瞧，但事情就是这样，她是一个业余侦探，但他也是一个业余罪犯。

Right.

正确的。

Ira Glass And this is the moment where they meet up.

艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 这就是他们相遇的时刻。

Right.

正确的。

So there'd be no way a detective would ever spend the amount of time that it would take to concoct this ruse to go after this camera.

因此，侦探不可能花那么多时间来策划这个诡计来追踪这台摄像机。

So the only way that it could ever be solved would be if two amateurs met up.

因此，解决这个问题的唯一方法就是两个业余爱好者相遇。

Well, from WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.

嗯，来自 WBEZ 芝加哥，这是《This American Life》。

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Today on our program, amateurs-- the fact that they are not professionals, that they do not play by the book, that they have time on their hands to try whatever makes it possible for them to accomplish things the pros simply never will.

今天在我们的节目中，业余爱好者——事实上，他们不是专业人士，他们不按规矩行事，他们有时间尝试任何可以让他们完成专业人士永远无法完成的事情的事情。

We have three stories, including amateurs stepping into one of the most powerful jobs in the world and one of the most commonplace.

我们有三个故事，其中包括业余爱好者进入世界上最有权势的工作之一和最常见的工作之一。

Stay with us.

留在我们身边。

Act One, "Theater of War." Sometimes a big professional outfit that is great at one thing takes on a task at which it has no experience at all, and really no special aptitude for in any way.

第一幕“战争剧场”。有时，一个擅长某件事的大型专业机构会承担一项它根本没有经验、而且在任何方面都没有特殊才能的任务。

It is a rank amateur.

这是一个业余爱好者。

Jack Hitt has this example.

杰克·希特有一个例子。

Back when the first President Bush was in office, Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait.

早在第一任总统布什执政时，萨达姆·侯赛因就入侵科威特。

And for the first time since Vietnam, really, America returned to the battlefield.

事实上，自越南战争以来，美国第一次重返战场。

Derrick Brown felt called.

德里克·布朗感受到了召唤。

And so he wound up at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, one of the largest military bases in the world.

于是他来到了北卡罗来纳州的布拉格堡，这是世界上最大的军事基地之一。

Back then, about 40,000 soldiers-- most famously, the 82nd Airborne and other Ready Units that can be deployed in 18 hours.

当时，大约有 40,000 名士兵——最著名的是第 82 空降师和其他准备部队，可以在 18 小时内部署。

Fort Bragg is America's waiting room for war.

布拉格堡是美国的战争等候室。

When Derrick first arrived, he was trained as a paratrooper.

当德里克第一次到达时，他接受了伞兵训练。

You know, you'd wake up at 5:00 in the morning.

你知道，你会在早上 5:00 起床。

Then you would deploy out to the field.

然后你会部署到外地。

You'd do a jump from 800 feet.

你会从 800 英尺的高度跳下来。

I was an artilleryman, so they'd throw the tanks out of the planes.

我是一名炮兵，所以他们会把坦克从飞机上扔下来。

Then they'd throw us out of the planes.

然后他们会把我们赶出飞机。

So you'd do these mock war exercises where people would try and attack you and kill you, and you'd be out in the cold, and you'd be digging more foxholes, and just seeing how ground down you could possibly be, so that when the time comes for war, your body and mind have been pushed as far as possible.

所以你会做这些模拟战争演习，人们会试图攻击你并杀死你，你会在寒冷中，你会挖更多的散兵坑，看看你可能会被压到什么程度，这样当战争来临的时候，你的身体和思想都被推到了尽可能远的地方。

Every once in a while, there'd be something else-- a volunteer duty.

每隔一段时间，就会有其他事情——志愿者义务。

I remember the captain of our unit, he said he had this strange detail, which was we had to mandatorily send one soldier from our battery to be a part of this musical.

我记得我们部队的队长，他说他有一个奇怪的细节，那就是我们必须强制从我们的炮台派出一名士兵来参加这部音乐剧。

And it would last several weeks.

而且这种情况会持续几个星期。

You wouldn't have to do any field duty, but you would have to sing and dance.

你不必做任何外勤工作，但你必须唱歌跳舞。

And everyone thought he was joking.

每个人都认为他在开玩笑。

And I raised my hand.

我举起了手。

And he said, "Great.

他说：“太好了。

Report to the Fort Bragg theater today."

今天到布拉格堡剧院报到。”

Were you the only person who volunteered for this?

您是唯一自愿参加此活动的人吗？

I was the only person who volunteered.

我是唯一自愿的人。

And they had me sit in this room, and this director first had everyone audition.

他们让我坐在这个房间里，这位导演首先让每个人试镜。

And he asked if I knew of any songs that I could sing from any musicals.

他问我是否知道任何音乐剧中我可以唱的歌曲。

And I said, "Not at all."

我说：“一点也不。”

I had never sang or danced in my life, except while running and singing cadences and Jody calls in the military.

我这辈子从来没有唱歌或跳舞过，除了在军队里跑步、唱歌和乔迪打电话的时候。

And he said, "Well, just sing me something." And I remember singing "Even Flow," by Pearl Jam.

他说：“好吧，给我唱点歌吧。”我记得我唱过 Pearl Jam 的《Even Flow》。

[LAUGHS] (SINGING) Even flow, thoughts arrive like--

[笑]（唱歌）即使流动，思想也会像——

I think I was just impersonating Eddie Vedder the whole time.

我想我一直在模仿埃迪·维德。

[LAUGHS] OK.

[笑]好的。

Derrick Brown And somehow they thought it was good enough.

德里克·布朗 不知怎的，他们认为这已经足够好了。

And it turns out that no one was turned away.

事实证明，没有人被拒绝。

In rehearsals, Derrick quickly got a sense that something different was going on here.

在排练中，德里克很快就感觉到这里正在发生一些不同的事情。

This was not just your average musical revue.

这不仅仅是普通的音乐剧。

It's march dancing.

这是进行曲。

I don't know if you've seen it, but it is the director's idea to combine the honor and discipline of military movements with the bravado and panache of Broadway movements.

不知道你有没有看过，将军事动作的荣誉和纪律与百老汇动作的虚张声势和气派结合起来，是导演的想法。

But the thing Derrick remembers most, more than 20 years later, was not the song-and-dance numbers.

但二十多年后，德里克记忆最深的并不是歌舞节目。

It was the stuff in between.

这是介于两者之间的东西。

There were short films projected on the screen above the performers.

表演者上方的屏幕上放映着短片。

And they were opposite of lighthearted entertainment-- grim testimonials about soldiers who'd died.

它们与轻松的娱乐相反——对阵亡士兵的严峻感言。

Not in combat, but drunk driving and in other accidents near the base, all done in a dark bluntness one rarely sees outside driver's ed movies.

不是在战斗中，而是在酒后驾驶和基地附近的其他事故中，所有这些都是以一种黑暗直率的方式完成的，人们在驾驶员教育电影之外很少看到。

We'd go from show tune to a video on the screen of a fellow soldier that they'd interviewed talking about how one of their fellow soldiers, their friend, died.

我们会从节目曲调转到屏幕上的一段视频，内容是他们采访的一位战友，谈论他们的一位战友、他们的朋友是如何死亡的。

And then-- uh-oh, surprise!

然后——呃——哦，惊喜！

We would sing a show tune.

我们会唱一首表演曲。

And it was this progression of dance, sad video, sing a bit, sad video.

这就是舞蹈、悲伤视频、唱歌、悲伤视频的进展。

And then some guys come rappelling out of the ceiling for the closing number at the end of the hour, for the final chance to cheer everyone up so they leave feeling inspired.

然后，一些人从天花板上垂下来，等待一小时结束时的收盘数字，这是最后一次让每个人振作起来的机会，让他们在离开时感到受到鼓舞。

It was insane.

这太疯狂了。

We would have discussions backstage, which is what the-- what are we doing?

我们会在后台进行讨论，这就是我们在做什么？

Why are we doing this?

我们为什么要这样做？

How did this-- how did this thing even come to be?

这是怎么——这东西是怎么形成的？

Excellent questions.

很好的问题。

How did one of the most straitlaced, no-nonsense institutions in the entire country, the US Army, end up producing this piece of Dada musical theater?

全国最严谨、最严肃的机构之一美国陆军是如何最终制作出这部达达音乐剧的呢？

I wanted answers.

我想要答案。

So I went straight up the chain of command.

所以我直接向上级指挥。

Yes, I'm General Carl Stiner, US Army, retired.

是的，我是美国陆军卡尔·斯蒂纳将军，已退役。

And I was the Commander of the 82nd Airborne Division during 1987 and 1988.

1987年和1988年我担任第82空降师师长。

General Stiner was at Fort Bragg.

斯蒂纳将军在布拉格堡。

And he confirmed that yes, for a while in the '70s, '80s, and early '90s, there was this annual show which the entire base was required to attend.

他证实，是的，在 70 年代、80 年代和 90 年代初的一段时间内，有一个年度演出，整个基地都必须参加。

So there were three or four performances a day for a week or so during the Christmas season, which is when accidental deaths spiked.

因此，在圣诞节期间，意外死亡人数激增，每天有三四场演出，持续一周左右。

We realized that we were having more casualties from off-duty activities-- mainly motorcycles-- than from thousands of parachute jumps and heavy equipment drops.

我们意识到，下班后的活动（主要是摩托车）造成的伤亡比数千次跳伞和重型设备坠落造成的伤亡还要多。

You know, we just needed to do something about it.

你知道，我们只是需要做点什么。

Stiner told me that some years, for every death of a soldier during training exercises, there were almost 10 killed getting drunk and driving crazy.

斯蒂纳告诉我，有些年头，每有一名士兵在训练演习中死亡，就会有近十名士兵因醉酒和疯狂驾驶而丧生。

Wartime deaths, we all know about, and after-war PTSD.

我们都知道战时死亡和战后创伤后应激障碍。

But this was a whole other kind of statistic-- pre-combat deaths-- which come when tens of thousands of teenagers anxiously awaiting war get pumped up jumping out of planes and firing heavy artillery.

但这完全是另一种统计数据——战前死亡——是在成千上万焦急等待战争的青少年兴奋地跳出飞机并发射重型火炮时得出的。

How could some beer and, say, a motorcycle possibly affect them?

一些啤酒和一辆摩托车怎么可能影响他们呢？

Originally, the base had ordered mandatory safety lectures.

本来，基地是下令强制进行安全讲座的。

But the soldiers just slept through them.

但士兵们只是在睡觉。

So the United States Defense Department, the greatest fighting force ever to march on the planet, decided they would try show tunes.

因此，地球上有史以来最强大的战斗力量美国国防部决定尝试表演音乐。

And that's the origin of what came to be called The Soldier Safety Show.

这就是后来所谓的“士兵安全秀”的起源。

I interviewed a dozen veterans from this era, and they all remember the weird mash-up of gut-wrenching testimonials and cheery eye-high leg kicks.

我采访了这个时代的十几位退伍军人，他们都记得令人心碎的感言和欢快的高抬腿踢的奇怪混搭。

They all said, "You had to see it to believe it." And I wanted to believe it.

他们都说：“你必须亲眼所见才能相信。”我想相信这一点。

When I called Stiner, he told me that he had a videotape of one of the shows.

当我打电话给斯蒂纳时，他告诉我他有其中一场演出的录像带。

You know, I had a VCR of it.

你知道，我有一个录像机。

But age caused the thing to self-destruct.

但年龄导致了它的自毁。

You couldn't even tell what it was, the pictures and so on.

你甚至无法分辨那是什么、图片等等。

And so we struck out.

所以我们就出局了。

I won't bore you with the details.

我不会用细节来烦你。

But finding a videotape literally took months.

但找到录像带实际上花了几个月的时间。

The public school library had a set of Soldier Safety Shows, but not long before I called, they went full-on digital and junked all their old school audiovisual stuff.

公立学校图书馆有一套士兵安全表演，但在我打电话之前不久，他们全面数字化并扔掉了所有旧学校的视听资料。

A Freedom of Information request came up completely dry.

信息自由的请求完全是干巴巴的。

Finally, I happened upon Gudron Blackmon, still working at Bragg, who called back to say she had an old box at home and, in it, a tape.

最后，我碰巧遇到了还在布拉格工作的古德隆·布莱克蒙，她回电话说她家里有一个旧盒子，里面有一盘磁带。

The label read, "1989 Soldier Safety Show-- Life is Worth Living."

标签上写着：“1989 年士兵安全秀——生命值得活下去”。

(SINGING) This road of life we travel, it can take us many ways.

（唱）我们走过的这条人生路，可以带我们走很多路。

Early on, we see a folk guitarist seated onstage, plucking out a sad melody.

早些时候，我们看到一位民谣吉他手坐在舞台上，弹奏出悲伤的旋律。

(SINGING) But for all of these young soldiers whose lives had just begun--

（唱）但是对于所有这些生命刚刚开始的年轻士兵——

Above him, on a screen, is a general.

在他上方的屏幕上，是一位将军。

It's actually General Stiner himself entering a cemetery.

这实际上是斯蒂纳将军本人进入墓地。

And he starts talking about accidental deaths on base.

他开始谈论基地里的意外死亡事件。

When a soldier is killed, I feel terrible.

当一名士兵被杀时，我感觉很糟糕。

I get a sickening feeling, a feeling of failure.

我有一种恶心的感觉，一种失败的感觉。

We lost 26 this year, and it's terrible.

今年我们输了26场，这很糟糕。

Charles.

查尔斯.

Adam.

亚当.

James.

詹姆斯.

General Stiner occasionally kneels down, and, at one point, removes his beret--

斯蒂纳将军偶尔会跪下，并在某一时刻摘下贝雷帽——

Unnecessary.

没有必要。

Jack Hitt And talks directly to a tombstone.

杰克·希特 直接对着墓碑说话。

We tried with you, Tosher, and we failed.

托舍尔，我们尝试过与你合作，但我们失败了。

Perhaps we could have done a little better if your friends had been more forthcoming to us with your problems.

如果您的朋友更愿意向我们解决您的问题，也许我们可以做得更好一些。

You were a great soldier.

你是一名伟大的士兵。

And we loved you.

我们爱你。

How many new graves next year?

明年有多少个新坟墓？

What do I have to do to stop these unnecessary and needless deaths?

我该怎么做才能阻止这些不必要的、不必要的死亡呢？

The lights come up on a stage packed with 30 or 40 men and women in fancy dress doing some tap dance moves with lots of spirit fingers and jazz hands.

灯光亮起，舞台上挤满了 30 或 40 名身着奇装异服的男女，用大量的精灵手指和爵士手表演着踢踏舞动作。

It's a tribute to everyone who fought in World War II.

这是对二战中所有参战者的致敬。

And these absurd smash-ups just keep happening for the rest of the show, just like all the soldiers told me.

正如所有士兵告诉我的那样，这些荒谬的碰撞在节目的其余部分不断发生。

So who came up with this idea?

那么这个想法是谁想出来的呢？

Who was the mastermind of Operation Schlock and Awe?

谁是施洛克与敬畏行动的策划者？

His name was Lee Yopp.

他的名字叫李·约普。

And his journey to theater was not one anyone might predict.

他的戏剧之旅是任何人都无法预测的。

He had-- he had no personal taste.

他没有个人品味。

He ate overdone meat, and he wore polyester suits.

他吃太多的肉，还穿着涤纶西装。

I mean, he didn't care what he wore.

我的意思是，他不在乎他穿什么。

That's Bo Thorp, a local North Carolina actress who was frequently cast in these shows.

那是博索普，一位北卡罗来纳州当地女演员，经常出演这些节目。

Yopp died back in 2006.

约普于 2006 年去世。

I talked to other actors, too, and they all reacted like Reese Brown, a paratrooper from the '90s.

我也和其他演员交谈过，他们的反应都像 90 年代的伞兵 Reese Brown。

[CHUCKLES] Jack Hitt [LAUGHS] See, everyone laughs when I ask about Lee.

[笑]杰克·希特[笑]看，当我问起李时，每个人都笑了。

No, because it's funny, because I haven't thought about him in years.

不，因为这很有趣，因为我已经很多年没有想起他了。

But just to think about just some of the things that he said, every word he used, every enunciation he used, every colorful description he used, was filled with 10 words that didn't need to be there.

但只要想想他所说的一些事情，他使用的每一个词，他使用的每一个发音，他使用的每一个丰富多彩的描述，都充满了10个不必要的词。

[LAUGHS] He didn't say, "I'm going to the store." "I'm traversing down to--" You know, it was one of those things.

[笑]他没有说，“我要去商店。” “我正在穿越到——”你知道，这是其中之一。

But he had no room at all for shyness on stage.

但他在舞台上却毫无害羞的余地。

He made it a point of saying that if you're going to fail, please fail loudly.

他特别强调，如果你要失败，请大声失败。

"Please fail loudly, and sing it as though your life depended on it." [CHUCKLES] It's odd, because I'd never met anyone like him, prior to this point.

“请大声地失败，并唱出它，就好像你的生命依赖于它一样。” [笑]这很奇怪，因为在此之前我从未见过像他这样的人。

It's like, where did this guy come from?

就好像，这家伙是从哪里来的？

That's Bo Thorp again.

又是博·索普。

Bo Thorp This was in Trenton, New Jersey.

博·索普 这是在新泽西州特伦顿。

And the director of the class play died suddenly, and Lee inherited the class play.

而班剧导演突然去世，李继承了班剧。

And it also happened that he had just broken his leg, so he really couldn't go out on the football field.

而且恰巧他刚刚摔断了腿，实在是没法出去踢足球了。

So that's how he got into the theater.

就这样，他进入了剧院。

And so he took his A personality football coach approach to life into the theater.

因此，他将他的个性足球教练生活方式带入了剧院。

This is Steve Currie, who long worked as Yopp's stage manager.

这是史蒂夫·柯里（Steve Currie），他长期担任约普的舞台监督。

And within a very short period of time, turned this little high school theater program into a major competitive organization that won the National Theater Award for high schools across the nation.

在很短的时间内，将这个小型的高中戏剧项目变成了一个大型竞争组织，赢得了全国高中的国家戏剧奖。

And they went on a tour of Germany and Japan with this production he put together.

他们带着他制作的这部作品去德国和日本巡演。

And it just was like he was bit, you know?

就像他被咬了一样，你知道吗？

He couldn't get enough of it.

他还受不了。

Lee Yopp wound up as the chief director of the Bucks County Playhouse outside Trenton, New Jersey, which is one of the farm teams for lots of Broadway shows.

李·约普最终成为新泽西州特伦顿郊外雄鹿县剧院的首席导演，该剧院是许多百老汇演出的农场团队之一。

Yopp gave Bucks County his all, spending lavishly, even putting his own money into the shows.

约普为雄鹿郡奉献了自己的一切，挥霍无度，甚至将自己的钱投入到演出中。

Lee had just taken a second mortgage on his house in New Jersey to use as an investment in a show called Smile, Smile, Smile .

李刚刚为他在新泽西州的房子申请了第二笔抵押贷款，用于投资一个名为“微笑，微笑，微笑”的节目。

The reviews came out.

评论出来了。

It was Smile , Smile , Smile , it was supposed to be funny.

这是微笑，微笑，微笑，这应该是有趣的。

It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't.

不是，不是，不是。

Period.

时期。

It was one of the shortest theater reviews in the history of musical theater.

这是音乐剧史上最短的戏剧评论之一。

Currie told me that Yopp bankrupted the Bucks County Playhouse-- and himself, his personal finances so wrecked, he couldn't get a phone in his own name.

柯里告诉我，约普让雄鹿县剧院破产了，他自己也破产了，他的个人财务严重受损，他无法以自己的名义购买电话。

But then fate stepped in when Yopp bumped into an old Army buddy at an airport who was looking for someone who could direct theater at Fort Bragg.

但后来命运介入了，约普在机场遇到了一位老军友，他正在寻找可以指挥布拉格堡剧院的人。

They were thrilled to death with this man who brought theatricality to the Army, the last place in the world that you would think.

他们对这个给军队带来戏剧性的人感到兴奋不已，而军队是世界上你想象不到的最后一个地方。

The one financial backer-- Bo Thorp That-- right, that could afford him.

唯一的经济支持者——博·索普——没错，可以负担得起他的费用。

Right.

正确的。

That could afford him.

那可以负担得起他。

Exactly.

确切地。

The Defense Department.

国防部。

Bo Thorp That's exactly right.

博·索普 完全正确。

Steve Currie, the stage manager, told me that with that money, they built waterfalls and a set for a roller-skating number.

舞台经理史蒂夫·柯里 (Steve Currie) 告诉我，他们用这笔钱建造了瀑布和轮滑表演的布景。

Another time, they planted the entire stage in real grass for a park scene with cops on horseback.

还有一次，他们将整个舞台种植在真正的草地上，以呈现警察骑在马背上的公园场景。

Oh, we had people rappelling from rafters.

哦，我们有人从椽子上垂降。

We had people in parachute rigging flying in over the stage.

我们让穿着降落伞的人飞到舞台上空。

Cannons and machine guns and muskets, and horses rearing up through the cannon fire.

大炮、机关枪、步枪，马匹在炮火中昂首挺胸。

Thompson submachine guns firing.

汤普森冲锋枪射击。

And these are all going off inside a theater.

这些都是在剧院里上演的。

We would also trigger explosions that we'd set into the stage floor.

我们还会触发在舞台地板上设置的爆炸。

I would hook up these, like, flash pots.

我会连接这些，比如闪光罐。

I got-- I got the guy from Special Forces-- he would get me all these, what they call squibs, which are these electronic fuses, and we would create these great explosions.

我得到了——我得到了特种部队的那个人——他会给我所有这些，他们称之为爆管，也就是电子引信，我们会制造这些巨大的爆炸。

You could never do it today.

今天你永远不可能做到这一点。

Fire marshal would shut you down.

消防队长会让你停下来。

But we were the Army.

但我们是陆军。

Wow.

哇。

Steve Currie And what was impressive about it is how I realized that there was no end to Yopp.

Steve Currie 令人印象深刻的是我如何意识到 Yopp 永无止境。

He had a special and unique way of making the simple more complicated than you could ever imagine it.

他有一种特殊而独特的方式，让简单的事情变得比你想象的更加复杂。

Let me just take a moment to say how rare this is.

让我花点时间说一下这是多么罕见。

I wrote a book about amateurs a few years ago, those dreamers in their garages, fiddling, creating, struggling.

几年前，我写了一本关于业余爱好者的书，那些梦想家在车库里摆弄、创造、奋斗。

What keeps most of them stuck in their garage is lack of funders.

让他们中的大多数人困在车库里的原因是缺乏资助者。

Lee Yopp had hundreds of millions of funders-- the taxpayers of the United States.

李·约普拥有数亿资助者——美国纳税人。

Everybody I talked to-- especially the cast and crew that were in so many of these shows, the regulars-- all mentioned this one time, one moment that stood out for them.

与我交谈过的每个人——尤其是参与这么多节目的演员和工作人员、常客——都曾经提到过这一点，这一时刻对他们来说意义非凡。

It was 1982.

那是1982年。

There'd been a terrible car accident, this time involving one of the cast members' kids.

发生了一场可怕的车祸，这次涉及的是一名演员的孩子。

Here's actress Bo Thorp.

这是女演员博·索普。

My son was nearly killed.

我儿子差点就被杀了。

I mean, he was coming home from his first football game.

我的意思是，他刚刚结束第一场足球比赛回家。

He was 14 years old.

那年他14岁。

It was October the 8th.

那是 10 月 8 日。

And the young girl who was driving her father's car decided to see how fast her daddy's car would come down Sky Drive, which is where we live.

那个开着她父亲的车的年轻女孩决定看看她爸爸的车能在我们住的地方天空大道上行驶多快。

He remembers her saying 80.

他记得她说80。

And when she went to put on the brakes, the car went into a skid and then hit a tree.

当她踩刹车时，汽车打滑，然后撞到了一棵树上。

And so he was in a body cast for six months.

就这样，他在身上打了六个月的石膏。

She says everyone in the show was heartbroken, of course, including Yopp.

她说节目中的每个人当然都心碎了，包括约普。

But Yopp, being Yopp, saw an opportunity.

但约普，就是约普，看到了机会。

He said, "Ah!

他说：“啊！

You know what we can do?

你知道我们能做什么吗？

You think-- would you let us go up to the hospital?

你认为——你会让我们去医院吗？

And I'll bring a film crew, and we'll go up to the hospital, and we'll film Clay.

我会带一个摄制组，我们会去医院，拍摄克莱。

And then he can-- and then he can make testimony on the tape."

然后他就可以——然后他就可以在磁带上作证。”

And I said, "Lee, I don't-- I don't know that that's the right thing to do."

我说，“李，我不——我不知道那是正确的做法。”

"Oh, yeah, absolutely!

“哦，是的，绝对是！

They'll-- the soldiers will love it.

他们会——士兵们会喜欢的。

They'll-- they'll understand it.

他们会——他们会理解的。

It'll mean a lot to them."

这对他们来说意义重大。”

You know, I-- I was really reluctant about it, 'cause I thought that, you know, it was just not very tasteful.

你知道，我真的很不情愿，因为我觉得，你知道，这不太有品味。

A few weeks later, there was Bo on stage.

几周后，Bo 登上了舞台。

My 14-year-old son was in a very serious car accident.

我 14 岁的儿子遭遇了一场非常严重的车祸。

It happens like that, you know?

事情就是这样发生的，你知道吗？

There's no warning.

没有任何警告。

It just comes-- boom-- like that.

它就这样来了——繁荣——就这样。

We went up to Clay's hospital room when he was very sick.

当克莱病得很重时，我们去了他的病房。

And he agreed to make this film.

他同意拍摄这部电影。

I hope you'll pay attention.

希望大家多多关注。

Then, on the big screen, Clay Thorp, 14 years old, lying in a hospital bed, flat on his back, in a full body cast.

然后，大屏幕上出现了 14 岁的克莱·索普 (Clay Thorp)，全身打着石膏，平躺在医院的病床上。

And Clay jumps right in, looking into the camera as best he can, reliving the accident, calling out the miles per hour as if he were once again flying down that hill.

克莱立即跳了进去，尽可能地看着镜头，重温了那场事故，喊出了每小时的英里数，就好像他再次飞下那座山一样。

10.

10.

20.

20.

30.

30.

40.

40.

50.

50.

I told her to slow down.

我告诉她慢点。

60?

60？

70?

70？

Oh my god!

我的天啊！

This is a dream.

这是一个梦。

This can't be happening.

这不可能发生。

Here I am in this place.

我在这个地方。

I'm not normal now.

我现在不正常了。

I wish I could get out.

我希望我能出去。

I wish I could get out tomorrow.

我希望明天我就能出去。

(SINGING) The sun'll come out, tomorrow.

（唱歌）明天太阳就会出来。

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun.

用你的底钱打赌明天会有太阳。

And then beneath the video screen, a young girl comes out on stage.

然后在视频屏幕下，一个年轻的女孩走上舞台。

(SINGING) When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely, I just stick out my chin and grin and say, oh--

（唱）当我度过灰暗孤独的一天时，我只是伸出下巴，笑着说，哦——

And-- and do you think this had-- I mean, how-- how effective was this with the soldiers?

而且——你认为这——我的意思是，这——对士兵来说有多有效？

Amazing.

惊人的。

Absolutely amazing.

绝对惊人。

Because these are 18-year-old boys.

因为这些都是18岁的男孩。

And when you're 18 years old and you're a butch kind of male, your life is gonna go on forever.

当你18岁的时候，你是一个男人，你的生活将永远继续下去。

And you're-- you're special.

而你——你很特别。

You're gonna last forever.

你会永远持续下去。

And you can do whatever you want to do.

而且你可以做任何你想做的事。

And-- and if you die, so what?

而且——如果你死了，那又怎样？

And Lee had a way of understanding that.

李有一种理解这一点的方式。

He would do everything he could to prove to them or to show them the value of life and how short it is, and how quickly it goes by.

他会尽一切努力向他们证明生命的价值，告诉他们生命是多么的短暂，生命的流逝是多么的快。

(SINGING) The sun'll come out tomorrow.

（唱歌）明天太阳就会出来。

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be--

用你最低的美元打赌，明天，会有——

You know what this is?

你知道这是什么吗？

It's the lecture I gave my teenage daughter a few nights ago when I handed her the car keys.

这是几天前我给十几岁的女儿讲的课，当时我把车钥匙递给了她。

"Drive carefully.

“小心驾驶。

Buckle up.

系好安全带。

Please don't be an idiot." Every parent tries to come up with some way to say this to their kid.

请别做个白痴。”每个父母都试图想出一些方法来对他们的孩子说这句话。

Lee Yopp had to crack that code for 40,000 of them.

Lee Yopp 必须破解其中 40,000 个密码。

And you know what?

你知道吗？

It worked.

它起作用了。

After the Soldier Safety Show started, the average number of deaths at the base dropped by a third.

士兵安全秀开始后，基地的平均死亡人数下降了三分之一。

(SINGING) Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow.

（唱）明天，明天，我爱你，明天。

You're only--

你只是——

At the end of every show, one of Yopp's actors always came out on the stage to give the final safety lecture.

每场演出结束时，约普的一位演员总是上台做最后的安全讲座。

We need your help.

我们需要你的帮助。

And we ask that each and every one of you join with us to make this pledge to always, always wear your safety belts.

我们请求你们每一个人与我们一起做出这一承诺：永远、永远系好安全带。

The speaker asks everyone who believes in safety to stand and take the pledge.

演讲者要求所有相信安全的人站起来并做出承诺。

These are soldiers, and they follow orders.

他们是士兵，他们服从命令。

Please-- Jack Hitt So naturally, up jumps everyone in the audience.

请——杰克·希特 很自然地，观众中的每个人都跳了起来。

And then the cast floods the stage for the final number and Yopp's last brilliant contribution to musical theater-- a guaranteed standing ovation at the end of every show.

然后，演员们涌上舞台，欣赏最后的曲目，这也是约普对音乐剧最后的辉煌贡献——每场演出结束时，观众都会起立鼓掌。

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Ira Glass Jack Hitt.

[欢呼和掌声]艾拉·格拉斯·杰克·希特。

He's the author of several books, including the one that he mentioned in this story.

他是多本书的作者，包括他在这个故事中提到的那本书。

It is called Bunch of Amateurs .

它被称为“一群业余爱好者”。

It recently came out in paperback.

它最近以平装本出版。

Coming up, babies having babies-- robot babies, specifically.

即将到来，婴儿生孩子——特别是机器人婴儿。

That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.

芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。

It's This American Life .

这就是美国生活。

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme and bring you different kinds of stories on that theme.

当然，我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，并为您带来有关该主题的不同类型的故事。

Today's show-- "Amateur Hour," stories of how amateurs can accomplish things that the pros cannot.

今天的节目——“业余时间”，讲述业余爱好者如何完成专业人士无法完成的事情的故事。

That is, when they are not crashing and burning completely.

也就是说，当它们没有完全崩溃和燃烧时。

We've arrived at Act Two of our program.

我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。

Act Two, "What to Expect When You're Expecting a Robot."

第二幕，“当你期待一个机器人时，你会期待什么”。

There's this thing that a lot of kids have to do in health class.

这是很多孩子在健康课上必须做的事情。

Maybe you did this when you were in high school.

也许你在高中的时候就做过这样的事。

The idea is to give students a taste of what it is like to be responsible for an infant-- and kind of what a pain in the ass it is, actually.

这个想法是为了让学生体验一下对婴儿负责是什么感觉——实际上这是一种多么痛苦的事情。

And they do this by making the kids carry around an egg-- or sometimes it's, like, a sack of flour-- for a couple days.

他们通过让孩子们随身携带一个鸡蛋（有时是一袋面粉）几天来做到这一点。

Supposedly this jolt of reality helps prevent teen pregnancies.

据称，这种现实的震撼有助于防止青少年怀孕。

Which, you know, is a lot to ask of an egg.

你知道，这对鸡蛋的要求很高。

So these days, some schools are using these robotic babies.

所以现在，一些学校正在使用这些机器婴儿。

These are plastic dolls with electronics inside which make them cry randomly, all day and night.

这些是塑料娃娃，里面装有电子设备，可以让它们日夜不停地哭泣。

Their sleeping, eating, and pooping patterns are based on logs kept by real parents about real babies.

他们的睡眠、饮食和排便模式是基于真实父母保存的关于真实婴儿的日志。

The babies cost over $600 each.

每个婴儿的花费超过 600 美元。

Hillary Frank went out to find out if amateur parenthood is more intense and realistic with these high-tech crybabies.

希拉里·弗兰克出去看看，对于这些高科技爱哭鬼来说，业余父母的身份是否更加强烈和现实。

The first time I saw a robotic baby was at my local pharmacy.

我第一次看到机器婴儿是在当地的药店。

It was one of those old-timey places with a candy counter and surgical supplies and a large selection of scented candles.

这是一个老式的地方，有糖果柜台、手术用品和各种香薰蜡烛。

One day I was in the store, and I heard this teenage girl behind me say, "My god, this baby is so heavy." She had a car seat slung over her shoulder like a purse.

有一天，我在商店里，听到我身后的一个十几岁的女孩说：“天啊，这孩子好重啊。”她肩上挂着一个汽车座椅，就像一个钱包一样。

For a second I thought the plastic baby inside it was real.

有那么一瞬间，我以为里面的塑料婴儿是真的。

"The real ones are heavier," I told her.

“真正的更重，”我告诉她。

She groaned and whipped the car seat over to her other shoulder.

她呻吟着，把汽车座椅猛地推到另一边肩膀上。

At the time I had a three-year-old, and I was dying to know if this girl's experience with the plastic baby was anything remotely like my experience with my flesh-and-blood baby.

当时我有一个三岁的孩子，我很想知道这个女孩与塑料婴儿的经历是否与我与有血有肉的婴儿的经历有一点相似。

The girl told me she went to Glen Ridge High.

那女孩告诉我她去了格伦里奇高中。

Glen Ridge is the town next to mine in New Jersey.

格伦里奇是新泽西州毗邻我的小镇。

So I called the school and asked if they'd let me hang out the next time the girls got the babies.

所以我打电话给学校，问他们下次女孩们生孩子时是否允许我出去玩。

Oh, and don't forget to support her neck when you pick her up out of the car seat.

哦，当你把她从汽车座椅上抱起来时，别忘了支撑她的脖子。

OK?

好的？

Ms. Hogan, the health teacher, is setting up two girls with their babies.

健康老师霍根女士正在照顾两个女孩和她们的婴儿。

The robot babies are so expensive that the school only has 10 of them, so the students take turns with them for two solid days of pretend parenting.

机器婴儿的价格非常昂贵，学校只拥有 10 个，所以学生们轮流带着它们假装养育孩子，度过了整整两天的时间。

In the class I visited, the students on deck were Rachel--

在我参观的班级中，甲板上的学生是雷切尔——

Let's kick it.

让我们踢它吧。

I'm excited.

我很兴奋。

My baby's here.

我的宝贝在这里。

And Paige.

还有佩奇。

Paige I don't know why I'm so nervous about this baby, but it-- it'll be good.

佩奇：我不知道为什么我对这个孩子如此紧张，但那会很好的。

My producer Joanna and I followed them with their babies over the next 48 hours.

在接下来的 48 小时内，我和制作人乔安娜带着他们的孩子跟踪了他们。

Rachel and Paige are friends, but they're about as different as two 17-year-olds can be.

雷切尔和佩奇是朋友，但他们的差异就像两个 17 岁的孩子一样。

We'll start with Paige.

我们先从佩吉开始。

Paige is brimming with maternal affection for her fake baby.

佩奇对她的假孩子充满了母爱。

She pulls a flowered onesie out of her bookbag and shows it to Joanna.

她从书包里拿出一件花朵连体衣，拿给乔安娜看。

I brought clothes for her.

我给她带了衣服。

Joanna Wait, are these your baby clothes?

乔安娜等等，这些是你的婴儿衣服吗？

Well, I think some of them are, and my mom saved them.

嗯，我想其中一些是，我妈妈救了他们。

And then I used them for when I used to play baby dolls.

然后我在玩洋娃娃时就用它们。

Just a note here about Paige's voice.

这里只是关于佩奇的声音的注释。

I've never heard anyone talk like her before.

我以前从未听过有人像她一样说话。

She's not whispering or anything.

她没有窃窃私语什么的。

This is just the way she sounds.

这就是她听起来的方式。

You're really, like, going for the full immersion.

你真的想要完全沉浸其中。

I am.

我是。

I am.

我是。

Because I-- I was so excited to get a baby.

因为我——我很高兴能有一个孩子。

So I know it'll be so much fun.

所以我知道这会很有趣。

It'll be hard.

这会很难。

But it'll be fun!

但这会很有趣！

To be clear, there was no need to bring baby clothes.

需要明确的是，没有必要带婴儿衣服。

The doll comes with its own outfit.

娃娃配有自己的服装。

Paige is a devout Christian.

佩奇是一位虔诚的基督徒。

She wears a purity ring.

她戴着纯洁戒指。

And I made a promise that I will not ever give myself away before I'm married.

我也曾许诺，在结婚前我绝不会背叛自己。

'Cause I think it's one of the worst mistakes somebody could do.

因为我认为这是一个人可能犯的最严重的错误之一。

I don't think that losing your virginity is giving yourself away.

我不认为失去童贞就是出卖自己。

Rachel is the quintessential theater kid.

雷切尔是典型的戏剧孩子。

She describes herself as liberal and bisexual.

她形容自己是自由主义者和双性恋者。

She's never had sex with anyone, but she keeps a good luck condom in her drawer, just in case.

她从未与任何人发生过性关系，但她在抽屉里放了一个好运避孕套，以防万一。

Just-- it's just in my room.

只是——就在我的房间里。

I know it's there.

我知道它就在那里。

Like, I went on a trip somewhere once, like by myself.

就像，我曾经去某个地方旅行过，就像一个人一样。

And I just brought it, even though I knew I wouldn't use it.

我只是带来了它，尽管我知道我不会使用它。

But it's just, like, for good luck.

但这只是为了祝你好运。

Rachel thinks she wants to wait until her 30s to have kids.

雷切尔认为她想等到 30 多岁才生孩子。

She did not bring in baby clothes today for her robot baby.

她今天没有给她的机器人宝宝带来婴儿衣服。

She thinks this whole baby thing will just make for a fun story, like the time she joined the boys' wrestling team and wound up puking in the locker room.

她认为这整个婴儿事件只会成为一个有趣的故事，就像她加入男孩摔跤队并最终在更衣室里呕吐一样。

I've been more excited about the back story than anything else.

我对背后的故事比其他任何事情都更兴奋。

Like, I need to find-- who's the father?

就像，我需要找到——谁是孩子的父亲？

I need to figure it out.

我需要弄清楚。

Was it left on my doorstep?

它被留在我家门口了吗？

The girls take their babies.

女孩们带着她们的孩子。

Each is in a car seat.

每个人都坐在汽车座椅上。

Each looks like a real baby-- except plastic, with a huge speaker on its chest, a vacant stare.

每个看起来都像一个真正的婴儿——除了塑料的，胸前有一个巨大的扬声器，眼神空洞。

Their lips are always pursed for feeding.

它们的嘴唇总是撅起，以便进食。

And somehow, they always look a little pissed off.

不知何故，他们看起来总是有点生气。

Paige and Rachel head to class.

佩奇和瑞秋去上课。

Their first big challenge--

他们的第一个重大挑战——

Do you know how much blood you're giving?

你知道你献了多少血吗？

Today is the blood drive at Glen Ridge High.

今天是 Glen Ridge High 的献血活动。

[CRYING] Lab Tech Let me take my gloves off.

[哭泣] 实验室技术人员 让我脱掉手套。

[CRYING] Hillary Frank Rachel is laid out flat on a table with a tourniquet around her arm.

[哭泣] 希拉里·弗兰克·雷切尔 (Hillary Frank Rachel) 平躺在桌子上，手臂上缠着止血带。

Her baby is on the floor, behind her head, in the car seat.

她的孩子躺在她头后面的地板上，坐在汽车座椅上。

The lab tech says--

实验室技术人员说——

You're not allowed to give her the baby?

不让你把孩子给她吗？

I don't like this.

我不喜欢这个。

I want to take care of my baby.

我想照顾我的宝宝。

I don't like that sound.

我不喜欢那个声音。

If those cries sound disturbingly real, it's because they're recordings of actual babies crying.

如果这些哭声听起来真实得令人不安，那是因为它们是真实婴儿哭声的录音。

[CRYING LOUDLY] Rachel Oh, the baby really wants me now.

[大声哭泣]瑞秋哦，宝宝现在真的很想要我。

And if Rachel could get to her baby, here is how she would get it to stop crying.

如果雷切尔能找到她的孩子，她会采取以下方法让孩子停止哭泣。

It has to be her.

一定是她。

It can't be someone else.

不可能是别人。

She's being graded on this.

她正在为此评分。

So she's wearing a wristband that she swipes over the baby.

所以她戴着一条腕带，在婴儿身上滑动。

[DIGITAL BEEP] That identifies her as the mother.

[数字蜂鸣声] 这表明她是母亲。

Next, she'd have to figure out why the baby is crying.

接下来，她必须弄清楚婴儿为什么哭。

It could need one of four things-- burping, rocking, diapering, or feeding.

它可能需要四件事之一——打嗝、摇晃、换尿布或喂食。

To feed it, you hold a fake bottle by the baby's lips, and if she's hungry, she goes like this.

为了喂它，你把一个假奶瓶放在婴儿的嘴唇旁，如果她饿了，她就会像这样。

[GULPING] [COOS] Hillary Frank When she's full, she goes like this.

[吞咽] [咕咕]希拉里弗兰克当她吃饱的时候，她会这样。

[COOS HAPPILY] Hillary Frank You have only two minutes to get it right.

[高兴地咕咕叫]希拉里·弗兰克 你只有两分钟的时间来完成它。

If you don't, you lose points.

如果你不这样做，你就会失去分数。

If you don't support the baby's neck?

如果不支撑宝宝的脖子怎么办？

More points off.

多扣几分。

So all the time Rachel's on the blood donor table, she's losing points.

因此，雷切尔一直在献血台上，她就在丢分。

The lab tech holds Rachel's arm, pushes the needle into her vein.

实验室技术人员握住雷切尔的手臂，将针头插入她的静脉。

Ow, ow, ow!

噢，噢，噢！

It really hurts now.

现在真的很痛。

It hurts more now.

现在更疼了。

Ow, ow, ow.

噢，噢，噢。

OK.

好的。

Then, like any stressed-out drama geek--

然后，就像任何压力重重的戏剧极客一样——

[SINGS OPERATICALLY] Robot Baby [CRYING LOUDLY]

[操作性地唱歌] 机器人宝宝 [大声哭泣]

[SINGS OPERATICALLY] Hillary Frank Are-- are you singing because of the pain, or because you don't want to hear the baby crying?

[操作性地唱歌] Hillary Frank Are——你唱歌是因为疼痛，还是因为你不想听到婴儿哭声？

It's a little bit of both.

两者都有一点。

Mostly because of the pain.

主要是因为疼痛。

I'm sorry, Baby!

对不起，宝贝！

Meanwhile, Paige's baby seems to need attention constantly.

与此同时，佩奇的孩子似乎需要不断的照顾。

She'll feed it or rock it and it'll stop crying, but then start up again four minutes later.

她会喂它或摇晃它，它就会停止哭泣，但四分钟后又开始哭。

Then five minutes after that.

然后五分钟后。

Then another seven minutes after that.

又过了七分钟。

I think I've kind of learned already-- it's only an hour and a half into it.

我想我已经学会了——只用了一个半小时。

I've definitely learned this baby, it's kind of like a normal baby, but not, 'cause it-- I think a normal baby is not this needy.

我确实已经了解了这个婴儿，它有点像一个正常的婴儿，但不是，因为它 - 我认为一个正常的婴儿没有那么需要。

Of course, a human baby is way more needy.

当然，人类婴儿更需要帮助。

But, you know.

但是，你知道。

Amateurs.

业余爱好者。

Joanna and I follow Paige and Rachel through the rest of their classes.

乔安娜和我跟随佩奇和瑞秋完成剩下的课程。

The babies wail through lectures, through debates--

婴儿们在讲座、辩论中哭泣——

OK, so what else-- Hillary Frank In one class, there are four babies going off.

好吧，那又怎么样——希拉里·弗兰克（Hillary Frank） 在一节课上，有四个婴儿离开。

This is the most babyful class I've gone to so far.

这是迄今为止我上过的最有童趣的课程。

Which makes it feel more like a nursery than a school.

这使它感觉更像是一个托儿所而不是学校。

While taking a test, Rachel discovers a clever workaround.

在参加测试时，雷切尔发现了一个聪明的解决方法。

She props the bottle up in the car seat and basically has the baby feed itself.

她把奶瓶放在汽车座椅上，基本上让婴儿自己吃奶。

Some teachers are amused.

有的老师觉得好笑。

Others aren't.

其他人则不然。

The girls are especially nervous about bringing the babies to play rehearsal.

女孩们对于带宝宝去排练尤其紧张。

All right, listen up!

好吧，听着！

Hillary Frank They tell me the director's a little shouty.

希拉里·弗兰克：他们告诉我导演有点吵闹。

Hello-ooo-oo-oo.

你好-哦-哦-哦。

Hello!

你好！

Theater Kid Shhh!

剧院小子嘘！

The show is Dead Man Walking , a stage version of the film.

该节目是《死囚行走》，是电影的舞台版本。

Both girls are in the play, and they both play mothers.

两个女孩都在剧中扮演母亲。

Rachel is the mother of the murderer.

雷切尔是凶手的母亲。

(SINGING) And I feel so-- Hillary Frank Paige is the mother of the nun.

（唱歌）我也这么觉得——希拉里·弗兰克·佩奇是修女的母亲。

Paige is standing on a raised platform at the back of the stage.

佩奇站在舞台后面的一个升高的平台上。

She's swaying a little, looking up at the spotlight as she sings.

她唱歌时身体微微摇摆，抬头看着聚光灯。

Then, just as she feared--

然后，正如她担心的那样——

[CRYING] Hillary Frank From backstage, her baby starts crying.

[哭泣] 希拉里·弗兰克 (Hillary Frank) 在后台，她的孩子开始哭泣。

Paige lunges off the platform and trips on a wooden crate that's part of the set.

佩奇从平台上跳下来，被布景中的一个木箱绊倒。

She flies through the air-- oddly gracefully.

她在空中飞翔——异常优雅。

Oh!

哦！

Hillary Frank And lands smack on her knee.

希拉里·弗兰克 膝盖重重地落地。

Are you OK?

你还好吗？

Hillary Frank Clearly she's not fine.

希拉里·弗兰克显然她身体不好。

She's on the ground, hugging her leg.

她趴在地上，抱住腿。

Everyone circles around her.

大家都围着她转。

Since it was blood drive day, there's a student volunteer there, still in his EMS uniform.

由于那天是献血日，那里有一名学生志愿者，仍然穿着急救服。

He checks her leg to see if it's broken.

他检查她的腿，看是否断了。

It's not-- just a really bad bruise.

这不是——只是很严重的瘀伤。

Paige is crying.

佩奇哭了。

Her baby is crying.

她的孩子在哭。

She's cradling the baby in her arms.

她正把婴儿抱在怀里。

Someone turns the spotlight on them.

有人把聚光灯转向他们。

Paige looks like the Virgin Mary.

佩奇看起来像圣母玛利亚。

[WAILING] Hillary Frank At this point, Paige decides she's ready to cheat.

[哀嚎]希拉里·弗兰克 此时，佩奇决定她已经准备好作弊了。

One of her friends tells her to take off the bracelet.

她的一位朋友告诉她摘下手镯。

Paige wriggles it off her wrist and hands the baby and the bracelet to the girl, who gets to work triaging.

佩奇把它从手腕上取下来，把婴儿和手镯递给女孩，女孩开始进行分类。

It just needed to be held.

它只是需要举行。

Hillary Frank It needed to be held?

希拉里·弗兰克 需要举行吗？

Yeah, it just needed to be held.

是的，它只是需要举行。

And I burped it, but I didn't make any burping noises.

我打了个嗝，但没有发出任何打嗝的声音。

Do you want me to grab the nurse, see if she--

你想让我抓住护士，看看她是否——

How you feeling about motherhood now, Paige?

佩奇，你现在对做母亲感觉如何？

I hate it!

我恨它！

I'm just kidding, just kidding.

我只是开玩笑，只是开玩笑。

(CRYING) It's been really stressful.

（哭）压力真的很大。

I just-- oh.

我只是——哦。

Sorry.

对不起。

I'm in so much pain.

我很痛苦。

I ask the girls to record themselves on their phones at night whenever their babies wake them up.

我要求女孩们在晚上每当婴儿吵醒她们时就用手机录音。

Here's Rachel.

这是雷切尔。

(SUBJECT) [DIGITAL BEEP] Rachel This is the first time she's woken me up.

（主题）[数码蜂鸣声] Rachel 这是她第一次叫醒我。

It's 11:30 PM.

现在是晚上 11:30。

Diaper changing and the bottle have not worked.

换尿布和奶瓶都不起作用。

I'm attempting to rock the baby.

我正在尝试摇晃宝宝。

She appears to have stopped.

她似乎停了下来。

Hopefully she'll be sated for a while.

希望她能满足一段时间。

Rachel, over and out.

雷切尔，一遍又一遍。

(SUBJECT) [SILENCE] Robot Baby [SCREAMING AND CRYING]

（主题）[沉默]机器人宝宝[尖叫和哭泣]

This is wake-up number two, about five minutes later.

这是大约五分钟后的第二次醒来。

It seems like she doesn't really need anything.

看来她真的不需要什么。

She's just lonely, I guess.

我想她只是孤独而已。

[COOING] Rachel (SINGING) Oh, once I had a little dog.

[咕咕声]雷切尔（唱歌）哦，曾经我有一只小狗。

Its color, it was brown.

它的颜色是棕色的。

I taught him for to whistle--

我教他吹口哨——

[GULPING] Rachel [HEAVY SIGH] The tiredness is really setting in.

[吞咽]雷切尔[重叹]真的很累。

I've grown strangely emotionally attached to this lump of plastic.

我对这块塑料产生了一种奇怪的感情。

It'll be a tiny bit sad to get rid of her.

摆脱她会有点难过。

[GULPING] Hillary Frank Rachel records herself every single time the baby wakes her up both nights, a total of nine times.

[吞咽] 希拉里·弗兰克·雷切尔 (Hillary Frank Rachel) 两个晚上每次婴儿叫醒她时都会给自己录音，总共九次。

Paige was so overwhelmed by the night wakings that she didn't wind up recording herself at all.

佩奇对夜间醒来感到不知所措，以至于她根本没有录下自己的录音。

Like, I don't-- I am so, so tired.

就像，我不——我太累了。

And my whole-- I don't know why, but I feel like my whole body has just been slammed up against a wall.

而我的整个——我不知道为什么，但我感觉我的整个身体就像被撞到了墙上。

I just-- I can barely keep my eyes open, and I just feel so exhausted.

我只是——我几乎无法睁开眼睛，我只是感到非常疲惫。

And, uh-- and how were you feeling while it was going on?

而且，呃——事情发生时你感觉如何？

Were you feeling mad at the baby?

你对宝宝感到生气吗？

A little bit.

一点点。

I-- I was like, man, I just-- my Mama came in and said, "Well, scan it, sweetheart." And I remember saying, "I already did." And then I, like, took her diaper off, threw the diaper, put the diaper back on, and she still was crying.

我——我当时想，伙计，我只是——我妈妈进来说，“好吧，扫描一下，亲爱的。”我记得我说过：“我已经这么做了。”然后我把她的尿布脱下来，扔掉，再重新穿上，她仍然在哭。

And I looked at my mom and said, "Mo-om."

我看着妈妈说：“Mo-om。”

And so-- and around third time she woke up, I was like-- [SNARLS]

所以——大约在她第三次醒来时，我就像——[咆哮]

Rachel I just wanted everyone to be quiet and leave me alone.

雷切尔，我只是希望每个人都安静，别打扰我。

The next day at school, Rachel was not herself.

第二天到了学校，雷切尔就精神不正常了。

Before Chorus, Katie Schultz-- who was actually, she plays the nun in the play.

在合唱团之前，凯蒂·舒尔茨（Katie Schultz）——实际上，她在剧中扮演修女。

She just asked me, "How's the baby?" And I just went-- (SHRILLY) "Can everyone just shut up?" And in my mind, I was like, she wasn't doing anything.

她只是问我：“孩子怎么样了？”我就——（尖刻地）“大家能闭嘴吗？”在我看来，我想，她什么也没做。

She was not the person I should be yelling at.

她不是我应该吼的人。

But I was just like-- [SCREAMS]

但我就像——[尖叫]

Overnight, Paige and Rachel have become animals I recognize intimately.

一夜之间，佩奇和瑞秋就变成了我熟悉的动物。

They've become mothers, throwing their minds, bodies, and hearts so fully into a tiny being that they can't help but whine and lash out at people who don't deserve it.

她们已经成为母亲，将自己的思想、身体和心灵全心全意地投入到一个小小的生命中，以至于她们情不自禁地抱怨和猛烈地攻击那些不值得的人。

Even Paige says she's become a jerk-- or her version of a jerk.

就连佩奇也说她已经变成了一个混蛋——或者她自己版本的混蛋。

She forgot to thank a boy who held the door for her.

她忘了感谢一个为她开门的男孩。

Plus, she admits to me that she's cheated a second time.

另外，她向我承认她第二次被骗了。

She forgot to bring her costume for dress rehearsal, so she slipped the bracelet off again and left the baby with a friend while she ran home.

她忘记带彩排服装，所以她又把手镯摘下来，跑回家时把孩子留给了朋友。

Next morning comes the moment of truth.

第二天早上就是关键时刻。

The girls hand in their babies and get their grades.

女孩们交出她们的孩子并获得成绩。

The robot baby keeps a minute-by-minute record of how you did.

机器人婴儿会逐分钟记录你的表现。

Paige goes first.

佩奇先行。

This is a 71.

这是71号。

Hillary Frank 71-- which is what, in letters?

希拉里·弗兰克 71——用字母来说，这是什么？

A C-minus.

C-。

Hillary Frank And what did she get points deducted for?

希拉里·弗兰克 她因什么被扣分？

For-- she had a missed feeding, a head support, and then 6:49, she had a missed feeding and a head support.

因为——她错过了喂奶和头部支撑，然后 6 点 49 分，她错过了喂奶和头部支撑。

6:58, she had a missed burp.

6点58分，她打嗝了。

And 9:29-- yeah, so.

9:29——是的，所以。

It's all right.

没关系。

Don't worry.

不用担心。

Don't fret.

别担心。

I didn't want all that to happen.

我不想让这一切发生。

'Cause I-- every time she cried, I picked her up immediately, gave her her bottle.

因为每次她哭的时候，我都会立即抱起她，给她瓶子。

If she didn't want that, I put her diaper on.

如果她不愿意，我就给她穿上尿布。

So I don't know.

所以我不知道。

I thought I did OK.

我以为我做得还不错。

I didn't think I'd get, like, a C.

我没想到我会得到 C。

So, a little disappointed.

所以，有点失望。

The big moment for Rachel.

对于雷切尔来说，这是一个重要时刻。

She's getting her grade.

她正在取得成绩。

Which translates to an A?

哪个翻译成A？

Ms. Hogan An A, yeah.

Hogan An A 女士，是的。

If I were a betting person, I'd have never put money on Rachel doing better than Paige-- especially not this much better.

如果我是一个赌徒，我永远不会把钱押在雷切尔比佩奇做得更好上——尤其是不会好到这么多。

For all of her baby clothes and maternal instinct-- not to mention wanting to be a young mom-- Paige turns out to be a below-average mother, at least when it comes to plastic children.

尽管佩奇穿着婴儿服装和母性本能——更不用说想成为一名年轻妈妈了——但事实证明，佩奇是一位低于平均水平的母亲，至少在塑料儿童方面是这样。

Has this changed the way you feel about becoming a mother and about babies?

这是否改变了您对成为母亲和婴儿的看法？

Um, I thought, like, I could have a baby at 21.

嗯，我想，我可以在 21 岁生孩子。

I'll go to ministry school, meet a man of God, a man of my dreams.

我会去事工学校，遇见一个属神的人，一个我梦想中的人。

We'll get married and have a baby.

我们会结婚并生孩子。

But I think-- maybe-- maybe I think I-- maybe a little older than I thought?

但我想——也许——也许我想我——也许比我想象的要老一点？

Like, I-- I cannot even imagine putting a baby, a life, into my world.

就像，我什至无法想象将一个婴儿、一个生命放入我的世界。

And I think it'd be horrible.

我认为这会很可怕。

Paige isn't sure how old she wants to be when she starts a family now.

佩奇现在不确定自己想在多大年纪组建家庭。

She just knows she can't even picture it.

她只知道她根本无法想象这一切。

Her whole life plan has been thrown out of whack by her robot baby.

她的整个人生计划都被她的机器人婴儿打乱了。

My response to the baby was almost the opposite of Paige's, in that if I have a baby really young, I feel like I would keep the baby.

我对孩子的反应几乎与佩奇相反，因为如果我的孩子很小，我觉得我会保留这个孩子。

I also never would have guessed that Paige and Rachel would flip their positions.

我也从来没有想到佩奇和雷切尔会翻转他们的立场。

Because I kind of like the feeling of having a baby.

因为我有点喜欢生孩子的感觉。

Like for some reason, like, I guess the idea that someone or something needs you and only you kind of makes you feel all, like, important.

出于某种原因，我想，某人或某事需要你，而且只有你，这种想法会让你感觉自己很重要。

It was awful, but at the same time, like, I was-- I kind of liked it.

这很糟糕，但同时，我——我有点喜欢它。

I'd never really thought that I would want to have a kid younger, but maybe I would.

我从来没有真正想过我会想要一个更小的孩子，但也许我会的。

Rachel called it early-onset baby fever and said her mom was freaked out by it.

雷切尔称其为早发性婴儿热，并说她妈妈被它吓坏了。

I asked one of Rachel's teachers, and the president of the company that makes the babies, about this ironic and unintended outcome-- that the robot baby made a teenage girl want to have a real one.

我向雷切尔的一位老师以及婴儿制造公司的总裁询问了这个具有讽刺意味且意想不到的结果——机器人婴儿让一个十几岁的女孩想要拥有一个真正的婴儿。

They both said this was rare.

他们都表示这种情况很少见。

They shrugged it off.

他们耸耸肩。

The teacher said she was sure Rachel's the kind of girl who will make a thoughtful decision about when to have her own child.

老师说她确信雷切尔是那种会在何时生下自己的孩子方面做出深思熟虑的决定的女孩。

Overall, the girls had a way more authentic mothering experience with the robot babies than I'd expected.

总的来说，女孩们对机器人婴儿的母爱体验比我预想的要真实得多。

But the moments when Rachel and Paige couldn't be available to the babies-- when Rachel gave blood, when Paige fell-- the girls lost points in those moments.

但是，当瑞秋和佩奇无法照顾婴儿时——当瑞秋献血时，当佩奇跌倒时——女孩们在这些时刻就失去了分数。

When you're a real parent, those things happen all the time.

当你是真正的父母时，这些事情经常发生。

Diagnosing whether your kid needs to be fed or diapered or rocked, that's not what makes you a pro at parenting.

诊断你的孩子是否需要喂食、换尿布或摇晃，这并不是让你成为养育专家的原因。

It's coping with the stress of getting it wrong, of feeling like an amateur.

它是在应对犯错的压力，以及感觉自己像个业余爱好者的压力。

Which is going to happen, no matter how much practice you've had.

不管你练习了多少，这都会发生。

Hillary Frank.

希拉里·弗兰克.

She's the host of the parenting podcast The Longest Shortest Time, which I have to say is great, because unlike most parenting stuff, it is not actually designed specifically for parent listeners.

她是育儿播客《最长最短的时间》的主持人，我不得不说这很棒，因为与大多数育儿节目不同，它实际上并不是专门为家长听众设计的。

It's for anybody.

这是给任何人的。

It's distributed by Earwolf.

它由 Earwolf 分发。

Act Three.

第三幕。

"Commander In Brief." Now we have the story of an amateur who, for one night, gets thrown into a very, very big job, one of the biggest jobs.

“指挥官简介。”现在我们有一个业余爱好者的故事，他在一个晚上被扔进了一份非常非常大的工作，最大的工作之一。

They basically get thrown in as the substitute teacher for a class they have never taught or never taken-- specifically, they're supposed to sub for the President of the United States.

他们基本上被派去担任他们从未教过或从未上过的课的代课老师——具体来说，他们应该代替美国总统。

Stephanie Foo explains.

斯蒂芬妮·福解释道。

If somebody needs to sub for the President, the chain is clear.

如果有人需要代替总统，链条是清晰的。

If the Vice President can't do it, it goes to the Speaker of the House, then the President pro tempore of the Senate, then the Secretary of State, Secretary of the Treasury, Secretary of Defense, all the way down the Cabinet to Energy, Education, Veteran Affairs.

如果副总统做不到，就会交给众议院议长，然后是参议院临时议长，然后是国务卿、财政部长、国防部长，一直到能源、教育、退伍军人事务部内阁。

It's been this way since the Presidential Succession Act of 1947.

自 1947 年《总统继任法》以来一直如此。

But what happens if all of those people are in one room?

但如果所有这些人都在一个房间里会发生什么呢？

Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, my fellow Americans.

议长先生、副总统先生、国会议员、我的美国同胞们。

The State of the Union address.

国情咨文演讲。

What if someone blows up the building and kills everyone on that list all at once?

如果有人炸毁大楼并同时杀死名单上的所有人怎么办？

Well, then the presidency goes to the designated survivor.

好吧，那么总统职位就交给指定的幸存者了。

That is a person chosen every year before the State of the Union speech to survive.

这是每年国情咨文演讲前都会选择生存的人。

That's their whole job-- to survive, run the United States government as an amateur president, total beginner, whose first day on the job may include wreaking vengeance upon-slash-surrendering to whoever killed all our top leaders.

这就是他们的全部工作——为了生存，以业余总统、彻头彻尾的初学者的身份管理美国政府，他上任的第一天可能包括向杀害我们所有最高领导人的人进行投降报复。

Each year, the designated survivor is assigned a security detail and moved to a safe, secret location away from the Capitol.

每年，指定的幸存者都会被指派一名安全人员，并转移到远离国会大厦的安全、秘密地点。

This all began-- no surprise-- during the Cold War.

毫不奇怪，这一切都始于冷战期间。

Thomas Reed was an assistant to President Reagan for national security policy.

托马斯·里德是里根总统的国家安全政策助理。

And it was his job to figure out what to do if a nuclear weapon hit DC.

他的工作就是弄清楚如果核武器袭击华盛顿该怎么办。

He's the one who came up with the idea of the designated survivor.

他是提出指定幸存者这一想法的人。

Washington was targeted with over 300 Soviet nuclear weapons.

华盛顿成为 300 多枚苏联核武器的目标。

They had hundreds laid that were going to lay down on every possible escape route.

他们已经埋伏了数百人，准备埋伏在每条可能的逃生路线上。

And to think you could escape that barrage was nonsense.

认为你能逃脱那一连串的攻击简直是无稽之谈。

Well, I was nervous in that I remember saying, "Jeez, I know this is not going to happen.

嗯，我很紧张，因为我记得我说过：“天哪，我知道这不会发生。

What if something does happen?"

万一出了什么事怎么办？”

That's Bill Richardson, former Secretary of Energy, designated survivor for the 2000 State of the Union.

他就是前能源部长比尔·理查森 (Bill Richardson)，他被指定为 2000 年国情咨文的幸存者。

Richardson wasn't sent into a bunker somewhere.

理查森并没有被送进某个地堡。

He was in a small town in Maryland having dinner at his friend's house, which was surrounded by a security detail and emergency vehicles.

当时他正在马里兰州的一个小镇上，在朋友家吃晚饭，周围都是保安人员和紧急车辆。

Inside, they had steak.

里面有牛排。

We had a nice meal.

我们吃了一顿美餐。

But then we sat in front of the television, and I was smoking a cigar.

但后来我们坐在电视机前，我抽着雪茄。

I had a glass of wine after it was all over.

一切结束后我喝了一杯酒。

I talked to a couple of designated survivors from the Cold War era, who said they were put on planes and flown to undisclosed locations.

我与几位指定的冷战时期幸存者进行了交谈，他们说他们被送上飞机并飞往秘密地点。

One of them got training where he got to play war games in this secret Doctor Strangelove -esque setting.

其中一人接受了训练，在这个秘密的奇爱博士式的环境中玩战争游戏。

And they asked him questions like, "OK, do you swear in immediately after the President's death?

他们问他这样的问题：“好吧，总统去世后你会立即宣誓就职吗？

Do you launch missiles at the Soviets?

你向苏联发射导弹吗？

Do you hold your fire?"

你忍住火了吗？”

He said the training was so helpful, so enlightening, that he thought nobody should become a designated survivor without undergoing it first.

他说，培训非常有帮助，非常有启发性，他认为没有人应该在没有接受培训的情况下成为指定幸存者。

But by the end of the Cold War-- post-Gorbachev, pre-9/11-- things got a little more lax.

但到了冷战结束时——戈尔巴乔夫之后、9/11之前——事情变得更加宽松了。

Can you say that I went through any kind of training course about what to do?

你能说我参加过任何关于该做什么的培训课程吗？

The answer is no.

答案是否定的。

That's Dan Glickman, Secretary of Agriculture, designated survivor during the 1997 State of the Union.

他就是农业部长丹·格利克曼 (Dan Glickman)，他在 1997 年国情咨文中被指定为幸存者。

I think I did discuss it with my wife, that I could handle it something terrible happened.

我想我确实和我的妻子讨论过，我可以处理发生了可怕的事情。

And she says, "Well, good luck."

她说：“好吧，祝你好运。”

Donna Shalala, who was Secretary of Health and Human Services, designated survivor in 1996, didn't get any special training either.

1996 年被指定为幸存者的卫生与公众服务部部长唐娜·沙拉拉 (Donna Shalala) 也没有接受任何特殊培训。

And she didn't even leave the neighborhood.

而她甚至没有离开过小区。

She was just two and a half miles away from the Capitol-- at the White House.

她距离国会大厦（白宫）仅两英里半。

So I took my senior staff to the Roosevelt Room at the White House, and we had pizza and watched the State of the Union.

所以我带着我的高级工作人员去了白宫的罗斯福室，我们吃了披萨并观看了国情咨文。

And I sort of wandered into the Oval Office and tried out the chair.

我走进椭圆形办公室并试了一下椅子。

What did it feel like?

感觉如何？

Donna Shalala Big.

唐娜沙拉拉大。

Too big for me.

对我来说太大了。

President Clinton's a very large man.

克林顿总统是一个非常大的人。

One designated survivor told me that actually attending the State of the Union is a pain.

一位指定的幸存者告诉我，真正参加国情咨文是一种痛苦。

You have to look attentive and interested and approving for a really long time, in case the cameras pan to you.

你必须长时间表现出专注、感兴趣和认可的样子，以防镜头转向你。

Being designated survivor?

被指定为幸存者？

Much easier.

容易多了。

One guy, who asked I not use his name, went on a vacation to the Caribbean when he got the gig.

有一个人要求我不要透露他的名字，他得到这份工作后就去加勒比海度假。

Not a government expense, he was quick to tell me.

他很快告诉我，这不是政府开支。

He happened to have plans to go anyway.

无论如何，他碰巧有要去的计划。

Another designated survivor took the opportunity to move to a new house.

另一名指定幸存者趁机搬进了新房子。

A caravan of Secret Service guarded him as he loaded up his moving van.

当他装载他的搬家货车时，一队特工人员护卫着他。

One thing you might have noticed from the designated survivors I spoke to-- none of them had day jobs that had anything to do with national security.

你可能从我采访过的指定幸存者身上注意到一件事——他们中没有人从事与国家安全有关的日常工作。

Usually it's the non-marquee Cabinet members-- Secretary of the Interior, Energy, Commerce, Agriculture-- people whose names you probably don't know.

通常是非名牌内阁成员——内政部长、能源部长、商务部长、农业部长——你可能不知道他们的名字。

Ever heard of Anthony Foxx?

听说过安东尼·福克斯吗？

He's our Secretary of Transportation-- and this year's designated survivor.

他是我们的交通部长，也是今年指定的幸存者。

And when I heard about that, I kind of thought, well, seriously?

当我听到这个消息时，我想，好吧，认真的吗？

The decision to launch nuclear retaliation, kill millions of people, could possibly rest in the hands of the Secretary of Transportation?

发动核报复、杀害数百万人的决定权可能掌握在交通部长手中吗？

Thomas Reed, the guy who designed this program, says, "Why not?

这个程序的设计者托马斯·里德说：“为什么不呢？

The Secretary of Transportation is as good a person as any."

交通部长是一个很好的人。”

The question in politics, and all other things in life, is, "Compared to who?" The question is not, "Is So-and-so authorized or qualified to be President, or Governor, or successor?

政治以及生活中所有其他事情的问题是“与谁相比？”问题不是“某某是否被授权或有资格担任总统、州长或继任者？

The question is, "Compared to who?" Compared to Joseph Stalin?

问题是“和谁相比？”与约瑟夫·斯大林相比？

Of course.

当然。

Compared to Dwight Eisenhower?

与德怀特·艾森豪威尔相比？

Probably not.

可能不会。

And the Cabinet, they're all brilliant people, and certainly have the wherewithal to at least make the initial decisions.

而内阁，他们都是才华横溢的人，并且肯定有足够的资金至少做出初步决定。

[CHUCKLES QUIETLY] Stephanie, they're not all brilliant people, any more than you or I are.

[轻笑]斯蒂芬妮，他们并不都是聪明人，就像你我一样。

And they all have problems, and some smoke too much, and some are overweight, and so forth and so on.

他们都有问题，有的抽烟太多，有的体重超重，等等。

They're all human beings.

他们都是人类。

And, Reed said, the President's been chosen by the American people, and the President chooses the designated survivor.

里德说，总统是由美国人民选出的，总统也选择指定的幸存者。

So therefore, by proxy, that person is chosen by the American people.

因此，通过代理，这个人是由美国人民选出的。

Sometimes they choose well.

有时他们选择得很好。

Sometimes they don't.

有时他们不这样做。

That's what politics is all about.

这就是政治的意义所在。

[LAUGHS] Yes.

[笑]是的。

Yes, it is.

是的，确实如此。

Stephanie Foo Here's Dan Glickman again, designated survivor, 1997, Secretary of Agriculture.

Stephanie Foo 又是 Dan Glickman，被指定为幸存者，1997 年，农业部长。

You know, I mean, I was not really briefed on what to do if something were to happen to the President.

你知道，我的意思是，我并没有真正了解如果总统发生什么事该怎么办。

But you know, I have enough confidence in myself that if something were to happen, I would have followed certain basic rules, and would have been a good soldier, in that case.

但你知道，我对自己有足够的信心，如果发生什么事情，我会遵守某些基本规则，在那种情况下，我会是一名好士兵。

When Glickman was a designated survivor, they flew him to LaGuardia Airport in a G3 plane, along with some stern-looking guys in suits-- one of whom may or may not have been carrying the nuclear football in a fancy briefcase.

当格利克曼被指定为幸存者时，他们乘坐一架 G3 飞机将他送往拉瓜迪亚机场，同行的还有一些穿着西装、表情严肃的人——其中一个人可能在也可能没有在一个精美的公文包中携带核足球。

Then they got Glickman in a three-car caravan, drove him to his daughter's modest apartment in Manhattan's West Village, and stood guard outside while he watched the speech on TV.

然后他们用一辆三辆车的大篷车把他带到了他女儿位于曼哈顿西村的简陋公寓，并在他观看电视演讲时在外面站岗。

Glickman admitted he did imagine what it would be like.

格利克曼承认他确实想象过那会是什么样子。

I did think about it.

我确实考虑过。

It was a very interesting thing that here, the Secretary of Agriculture could be President of the United States.

这是一件非常有趣的事情，在这里，农业部长可以成为美国总统。

And I'd been telling the world all these years that agriculture was the most important part of our government, so you know, I could reinforce that message, certainly.

这些年来我一直告诉世界，农业是我们政府最重要的部分，所以你知道，我当然可以强化这一信息。

[LAUGHS] All of a sudden, that would be our number-one national agenda, is just agriculture.

[笑]突然间，农业成为我们的首要国家议程。

Glickman even said that in his regular job, he was so unimportant that immediately after the speech was over, he lost the security detail.

格利克曼甚至表示，在他的日常工作中，他是如此不重要，以至于演讲一结束，他就失去了安保人员。

They bailed on him and went back to Washington.

他们保释了他并返回华盛顿。

In fact, their exact words were, "Mr. Glickman, the mission is terminated." And I decided to stay in New York and have dinner with my daughter.

事实上，他们的原话是：“先生。”格利克曼，任务结束了。”然后我决定留在纽约和我女儿共进晚餐。

And it was cold and raining and sleeting, and once the dinner was over, we went outside of the restaurant, and we couldn't find a cab.

天气很冷，下着雨和雨夹雪，晚餐结束后，我们走出餐厅，却找不到出租车。

So we walked back, about 12 blocks, back to my daughter's apartment in a sleet storm.

于是，我们在雨夹雪中走了大约 12 个街区，回到了我女儿的公寓。

And it struck me that just three or four hours before, I was the most powerful man on the face of the Earth, for about an hour.

让我震惊的是，就在三四个小时前，我还是地球上最有权势的人，持续了大约一个小时。

And now I couldn't even get a cab.

现在我连出租车都打不到。

The fact of the matter is, no first-term president goes into office knowing how to be president.

事实是，没有一位第一任总统在上任时就知道如何当总统。

He learns on the job.

他在工作中学习。

Everything's new.

一切都是新的。

And opening that briefcase and deciding whether to launch a nuclear strike?

然后打开公文包并决定是否发动核打击？

Nobody could be ready for that.

没有人能为此做好准备。

The President might be as likely to make the wrong choice as the Secretary of Agriculture.

总统可能会像农业部长一样做出错误的选择。

Or the Secretary of Transportation, or the White House intern, or you, or I.

或者交通部长，或者白宫实习生，或者你，或者我。

Stephanie Foo is one of the producers of our program.

Stephanie Foo 是我们节目的制作人之一。

[MUSIC - "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING" BY DEAN MARTIN]

[音乐 - 迪恩·马丁的《我不知道我在做什么》]

Research help today from Christopher Swetala and Michelle Harris.

Christopher Swetala 和 Michelle Harris 今天提供了研究帮助。

Music help from Damien Graef and Rob Geddis.

Damien Graef 和 Rob Geddis 提供音乐帮助。

Special thanks today to Derrick Brown for telling us about the Soldier Safety Show at Fort Bragg.

今天特别感谢德里克·布朗向我们介绍布拉格堡的士兵安全展。

Derrick goes on tour with Greg Dulli and The Afghan Whigs this March.

今年三月，德里克与格雷格·杜利和阿富汗辉格党一起巡演。

Find out where at brownpoetry.com.

请访问 Brownpoetry.com 了解位置。

Thanks to Lisa Pollak for cluing us in about designated survivors.

感谢丽莎·波拉克为我们提供了有关指定幸存者的线索。

Thanks to Joanna Solotaroff, Alex Kapelman, Maria DiCondina, Brian Haley, Rusty Hodgkinson, Quincy Billups, Victor Hurtado, Evan Middlesworth at Pine Hollow Audio, and the teachers and students at Glen Ridge High School.

感谢 Pine Hollow Audio 的 Joanna Solotaroff、Alex Kapelman、Maria DiCondina、Brian Haley、Rusty Hodgkinson、Quincy Billups、Victor Hurtado、Evan Middlesworth 以及 Glen Ridge 高中的老师和学生。

Our website, thisamericanlife.org.

我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org。

This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.

《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。

Thanks as always to our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia, who hears his name right here in the credits every single week-- every single week.

一如既往地感谢我们节目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生，他每周都会在片尾字幕中听到他的名字——每周。

And he asks--

他问——

What the-- what are we doing?

我们在做什么？

Why are we doing this?

我们为什么要这样做？

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Back next week with more stories of This American Life.

下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。

[MUSIC - "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING" BY DEAN MARTIN]

[音乐 - 迪恩·马丁的《我不知道我在做什么》]

This American Life This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.

This American Life This American Life 与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。