528: The Radio Drama Episode - This American Life

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Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”

注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。

00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #528 | September 2, 2022 528: The Radio Drama Episode Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.

00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 528 集 | 2022 年 9 月 2 日 528：广播剧剧集注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。

If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.

如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。

Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.

文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。

Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.

请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。

Prologue Ira Glass Hi, everybody.

序言 艾拉·格拉斯 大家好。

I'm speaking to you today from the stage of an opera house at the Brooklyn Academy of Music in New York City.

我今天在纽约市布鲁克林音乐学院歌剧院的舞台上向你们讲话。

A warning to listeners that there is mild cursing throughout this hour, and on the podcast, we're not going to beep that.

向听众发出警告，整个小时内都会有轻微的咒骂声，在播客上，我们不会发出这种声音。

And I'm here on an opera house stage with a story that is so small, it almost feels wrong to tell it in a room this grand.

我在歌剧院的舞台上讲述一个如此小的故事，在这么大的房间里讲述它几乎感觉不对。

It's actually about a real opera singer-- not a super-famous opera singer or anything like that.

它实际上是关于一个真正的歌剧歌手——而不是一个超级著名的歌剧歌手或类似的东西。

Carin Gilfry makes about half of her living singing.

卡琳·吉尔弗里（Carin Gilfry）大约有一半的生活靠唱歌来维持。

The other half she makes recording audio books.

另一半她录制有声读物。

And about a year ago, she was staying at a hotel.

大约一年前，她住在一家酒店。

And she had a deadline on this children's book that she was supposed to be recording, and the hotel room was kind of noisy.

她录制这本儿童读物的时间已经到了，而酒店房间有点吵。

She was hearing a lot of noise from the street.

她听到街上有很多噪音。

And so she looked around for a quiet place, and she went into the closet-- put pillows all around to deaden the sound, sat on the floor with a microphone.

于是她四处寻找一个安静的地方，然后走进衣柜——在周围放上枕头来隔音，然后拿着麦克风坐在地板上。

And then the cord of the microphone went under the door of the closet out to her laptop, because her laptop had a fan that made noise.

然后麦克风的电线从衣柜门下面伸到她的笔记本电脑上，因为她的笔记本电脑有一个风扇，会发出噪音。

And so she closes the door so it's pitch dark except for the light from her iPad, which had the text of the book that she was supposed to read.

于是她关上了门，周围漆黑一片，只有 iPad 发出的光，上面有她应该读的书的文字。

And she began.

她开始了。

The Exciting Exploits of an Effervescent Elf , written by Trisha Sugarek and narrated by Carin Gilfry.

《泡腾精灵的令人兴奋的功绩》，由特丽莎·苏格莱克（Trisha Sugarek）撰写，卡琳·吉尔弗里（Carin Gilfry）讲述。

Chapter one, "Where is Emma?" The enchanted forest was deep and green and splashed with--

第一章“艾玛在哪里？”魔法森林深邃而翠绿，到处都是——

Can I just say, wouldn't it be incredible if I just now played you the entire audiobook?

我可以说，如果我现在给你播放整本有声读物，不是很不可思议吗？

You paid, like, $85 for those seats, right?

你为这些座位支付了 85 美元，对吗？

Actually, I can't play you the whole audiobook because Carin gets exactly, like, two and a half sentences into this book.

事实上，我不能给你播放整本有声读物，因为卡琳在这本书中只用了两个半句子。

And she stumbles on a word, and she decides, oh wait, I'll just start again.

她偶然发现了一个词，然后她决定，哦等等，我重新开始。

I'll just start from the beginning.

我就从头开始吧。

So she gets up to get out of the closet and start the tape again, start the recording again.

于是她起身走出衣柜，重新开始录音，重新开始录音。

And she tries to get out of the closet.

她试图出柜。

Oh, [BLEEP].

哦，[哔]。

Ira Glass And she discovers that she's locked in.

艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 她发现自己被锁在里面了。

And Carin told me at first she thought, like, this isn't going to be that hard, right?

卡琳告诉我，一开始她想，这不会那么难，对吧？

After all, she has the iPad.

毕竟她有iPad。

There's Wi-Fi.

有无线网络。

She could call the front desk on Skype, right?

她可以通过 Skype 给前台打电话，对吧？

But there was a problem.

但有一个问题。

This Wi-Fi was, like, half of one bar, and it kept just cutting out.

这个无线网络就像一个酒吧的一半，而且总是断线。

But I found the hotel number.

但我找到了酒店号码。

Recording Thank you for calling the Roosevelt Hotel.

录音 感谢您致电罗斯福酒店。

Please listen carefully to the following options.

请仔细聆听以下选项。

For additional information about the hotel, please visit our website--

有关酒店的更多信息，请访问我们的网站——

And then, of course, it's, like, the longest hotel phone menu ever.

当然，这是有史以来最长的酒店电话菜单。

--for sales and catering services, press 3.

--对于销售和餐饮服务，请按 3。

For accounting, press 4.

对于会计，请按 4。

For the human resources office, press 5.

对于人力资源办公室，请按 5。

I'm trying to press 0 to get to the operator.

我正在尝试按 0 联系接线员。

And I'm thinking the Wi-Fi is going to cut out at any moment.

而且我认为 Wi-Fi 随时都会中断。

So I'm listening to this giant long menu, and finally I hear--

所以我正在听这个巨大的长菜单，最后我听到——

If at any time, you wish to speak to an operator, press 8.

如果您在任何时候想要与接线员通话，请按 8。

[PHONE BUTTON] Carin Gilfry So I press 8.

[电话按钮] Carin Gilfry 所以我按 8。

Reservations.

预订。

May speaking.

梅讲话。

May I assist you?

我可以帮助你？

Hello?

你好？

Carin Gilfry Can you hear me?

卡琳·吉尔弗里 你能听到我说话吗？

Can you hear me?

你能听到我吗？

After that, there's seven minutes of silence on the recording-- just, like, total silence.

之后，录音中出现了七分钟的沉默——就像是完全的沉默。

Nothing happens except every now and then, Carin just laughs to herself.

除了时不时地发生什么之外，什么也没有发生，卡琳只是自嘲地笑起来。

It happens one minute and 48 seconds after the phone call.

事情发生在通话后 1 分 48 秒。

Then it's quiet.

然后就安静了。

There's no other sound for 44 seconds.

44 秒内没有其他声音。

And then on the recording, you hear--

然后在录音中，你会听到——

[CHUCKLING] Ira Glass Now and then, she tries the door handle again, thinking, she told me later, this can't really be true.

[咯咯笑]艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）时不时地，她会再次尝试一下门把手，她后来告诉我，她想，这不可能是真的。

Like, this can't-- there's got to be a way this is going to work.

就像，这不可能——必须有一种方法可以发挥作用。

One wall of the closet has the hallway on the other side.

壁橱的一堵墙的另一侧是走廊。

And 18 minutes after Carin locks herself in, she hears people.

卡琳把自己锁在屋里 18 分钟后，她听到有人说话。

She hears some German tourists walking towards her down the hall.

她听到一些德国游客沿着大厅向她走来。

And fortunately, she actually has the skills for this very situation.

幸运的是，她确实有能力应对这种情况。

The Germans come to the door of the room.

德国人来到房间门口。

They whisper to each other for a little bit.

他们互相耳语了一会儿。

And then, they do nothing.

然后，他们什么也不做。

Hello?

你好？

Ira Glass Her husband is out on an audition-- he's also a singer-- and his phone was turned off.

艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）她的丈夫去参加试镜——他也是一名歌手——他的手机关机了。

She texts her mom, hears nothing back.

她给妈妈发短信，没有收到任何回复。

She phones her mom.

她给妈妈打电话。

And right then, somebody taps on the door of the hotel room and calls through it.

就在那时，有人敲了敲酒店房间的门，并通过它打电话。

"Are you OK?"

“你还好吗？”

Yes!

是的！

Please, come in!

请进来！

Ira Glass "Can you come to the door?" the person asks.

Ira Glass：“你能到门口来吗？”那人问道。

I can't.

我不能。

I'm-- I'm stuck in the closet.

我——我被困在壁橱里了。

[CHUCKLING]

[咯咯笑]

In the closet right here.

就在这儿的壁橱里。

Oh, thank you.

哦，谢谢。

[LAUGHTER] I'm an audiobook narrator--

[笑声]我是有声读物的旁白——

Oh, OK.

哦，好吧。

Carin Gilfry --and I was trying to narrate a book.

卡琳·吉尔弗里——我正在尝试叙述一本书。

Carin knows that's a really weird thing to say to somebody as you're getting rescued, but she just couldn't help herself.

卡琳知道在获救时对别人说这样的话真的很奇怪，但她就是控制不住自己。

Nobody wants to look like a nut, you know?

没有人愿意看起来像个疯子，你知道吗？

Apparently the Germans went and they found this very sweet Jamaican housekeeper.

显然德国人去了，他们发现了这位非常可爱的牙买加管家。

And 22 minutes after Carin was locked in, the housekeeper set her free.

卡琳被锁在里面22分钟后，管家将她放了出来。

God, I was so happy to see her.

天啊，见到她我真是太高兴了。

And she was so nice.

她人很好。

Oh, my gosh, she was so nice.

哦，天哪，她真是太好了。

I know this is a weird question, but is it appropriate to tip in a situation like that?

我知道这是一个奇怪的问题，但是在这种情况下给小费合适吗？

I don't know.

我不知道。

I didn't think of it then.

我当时没想到。

Now Carin, remember, she's an opera singer.

现在卡琳，记住，她是一名歌剧演员。

And operas are all about spectacle.

歌剧都是关于奇观的。

It's 80 people on the stage and horses and love and vengeance and big, grand feelings.

舞台上有80个人、马匹、爱与复仇以及宏大的情感。

It would really be hard to get further from that to what happened to her in that closet, right, where all the action takes place in a space not much bigger than your body.

真的很难进一步了解她在那个壁橱里发生的事情，对吧，所有的动作都发生在一个比你的身体大不了多少的空间里。

It is the simplest plot imaginable.

这是可以想象到的最简单的情节。

There's literally no movement in this plot.

这个情节实际上没有任何进展。

If someone were to stage this as an opera, how would that go?

如果有人把它演成歌剧，会怎样？

Oh, right.

哦，对了。

Carin Gilfry Like, just a repeating theme over and over and over again with me yelling, help!

卡琳·吉尔弗里 就像，只是一遍又一遍地重复主题，我大喊，救命！

And you know, people say those kinds of things in interviews, and then I'll put that quote at the end of the story.

你知道，人们在采访中会说这些话，然后我会在故事的结尾引用这句话。

And it makes for a nice ending-- put a little plinky music under it.

这会带来一个美好的结局——在它下面放一些轻快的音乐。

Maybe you've heard our show.

也许你听过我们的节目。

But when we did this interview three or four weeks ago, I realized, oh, wait a second.

但当我们三四个星期前进行这次采访时，我意识到，哦，等一下。

For once in my life, I don't have to let this story stop here.

这是我一生中的一次，我不必让这个故事就此停止。

I am actually going to be in an opera house very soon.

事实上我很快就会去歌剧院。

I can reach higher with this.

我可以通过这个达到更高的高度。

I can take this to the next logical step-- the step it never gets to, the step you need an opera house for.

我可以将其带到下一个逻辑步骤——它永远无法到达的步骤，你需要歌剧院的步骤。

And it turns out, I actually have a hook-up for the kind of music that Carin is talking about.

事实证明，我确实很喜欢卡林所说的那种音乐。

Some of you know this.

你们中有些人知道这一点。

I have a cousin.

我有一个表弟。

His name is Philip Glass.

他的名字叫菲利普·格拉斯。

He has--

他有——

--written a number of minimalist operas.

——创作多部极简主义歌剧。

They have been performed here on this very stage since the 1980s-- Einstein on the Beach just this past fall.

自 20 世纪 80 年代以来，它们就一直在这个舞台上演出——去年秋天的《爱因斯坦在海滩》。

And so I called Philip, and he sat down to write.

于是我打电话给菲利普，他坐下来开始写作。

And so today, right now, I am pleased to present here on the Brooklyn Academy of Music Opera House stage--

所以今天，此时此刻，我很高兴在布鲁克林音乐学院歌剧院的舞台上呈现——

--the world premiere of his latest opera.

——他最新歌剧的全球首演。

I am not joking-- this opera is called Help .

我没有开玩笑——这部歌剧叫《帮助》。

Commissioned for our program today on the BAM Opera House stage, his work is played by orchestras all over the world, please welcome Philip Glass.

他的作品受我们今天在 BAM 歌剧院舞台的委托，由世界各地的管弦乐团演奏，欢迎菲利普·格拉斯 (Philip Glass)。

And to perform this with him, Jonathan Dinklage on violin, Emily Brausa on cello, and, of course, the woman this is all about, Carin Gilfry, mezzo-soprano.

与他一起表演的有小提琴手乔纳森·丁拉基（Jonathan Dinklage）、大提琴手艾米丽·布劳萨（Emily Brausa），当然，还有女中音卡琳·吉尔弗里（Carin Gilfry）。

Carin?

卡琳？

(SINGING) Help!

（唱）救命！

Help!

帮助！

Help!

帮助！

Help!

帮助！

Help!

帮助！

Help!

帮助！

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帮助！

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帮助！

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帮助！

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帮助！

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帮助！

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Carin Gilfry, with Jonathan Dinklage, Emily Brausa, and Philip Glass.

卡琳·吉尔弗里、乔纳森·丁拉基、艾米丽·布劳萨和菲利普·格拉斯。

Well, from WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life , distributed by Public Radio International.

好吧，这是芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》，由国际公共广播电台发行。

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Ladies and gentlemen, for decades, the Brooklyn Academy of Music has been a home for all sorts of new kinds of theater and dance and music and opera.

女士们先生们，几十年来，布鲁克林音乐学院一直是各种新型戏剧、舞蹈、音乐和歌剧的发源地。

And when they invited our program to perform here today, we wanted to live up to that tradition by trying to invent something new.

当他们今天邀请我们的节目在这里表演时，我们想通过尝试发明一些新东西来不辜负这一传统。

And so what you're in for today is true stories.

所以今天给您带来的都是真实的故事。

It's journalism, like we always do, but presented as radio drama.

这是新闻业，就像我们一直做的那样，但以广播剧的形式呈现。

And we think these are radio dramas like you have never heard before.

我们认为这些是您以前从未听过的广播剧。

We have journalism turned into opera, into a full-on Broadway musical.

我们把新闻业变成了歌剧，变成了一部完整的百老汇音乐剧。

We have journalism turned into a play that is structured like a radio documentary.

我们把新闻业变成了一部结构类似于广播纪录片的戏剧。

The fact is, there are so many ways you can tell a true story.

事实上，讲述真实故事的方式有很多种。

There are so, so many ways.

有很多很多的方法。

And today, instead of just applying the tools of journalism to everyday stories like we usually do, we try to harness the full power of music and theater.

今天，我们不再像平常那样仅仅将新闻工具应用于日常故事，而是尝试充分利用音乐和戏剧的力量。

Like Carin's story-- we are not done with Carin's story.

就像卡琳的故事一样——我们的故事还没有结束。

Sure, you could do it is as a minimalist opera.

当然，你可以把它当作一部极简主义歌剧。

But what if you wanted to stage it as kind of an old-school opera-opera, the kind that they take you on field trips to when you're a kid.

但是，如果您想将其表演为老式歌剧，就像您小时候他们带您去实地考察的那种，该怎么办？

Like, what would that be?

就像，那会是什么？

I asked Carin in our interview, and she was game to speculate.

我在采访中询问了卡琳，她很乐意猜测。

Oh, I don't know.

哦，我不知道。

I mean, as a whole opera?

我的意思是，作为一部完整的歌剧？

I mean, opera is long.

我的意思是，歌剧很长。

Maybe the elves from the book would come and prance around and sing about the enchanted forest.

也许书中的精灵会过来，欢腾雀跃，歌唱魔法森林。

That was the book I was narrating.

这就是我正在叙述的那本书。

[MUSIC PLAYING] Opera Chorus (SINGING) We are the elves from Carin's story.

[音乐播放] 歌剧合唱（歌唱） 我们是卡琳故事中的精灵。

We are the elves from Carin's story.

我们是卡琳故事中的精灵。

We are the elves from Carin's story.

我们是卡琳故事中的精灵。

We are the elves from Carin's story.

我们是卡琳故事中的精灵。

We are the elves from Carin's story.

我们是卡琳故事中的精灵。

We are the elves from Carin's story.

我们是卡琳故事中的精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

My name is Cheets.

我的名字是切茨。

I'm Violet .

我是紫罗兰。

My name is Cheets.

我的名字是切茨。

I'm Violet.

我是紫罗兰。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves.

我们是精灵。

We are the elves!

我们是精灵！

Of course, you would need more than elves in this story.

当然，在这个故事中你需要的不仅仅是精灵。

Like, also you would want--

就像，你也会想要——

The people.

人民。

The people walking around the closet.

人们在壁橱里走来走去。

The German people.

德国人民。

There could be, you know, a "just got to New York" aria sung in German.

你知道，可能会有一首用德语唱的“刚到纽约”咏叹调。

[MUSIC PLAYING] German Couple [SINGING IN GERMAN]

[音乐播放] 德国夫妇 [用德语唱歌]

Actually what they're singing is, we have just arrived.

其实他们唱的是，我们刚到。

The air is dirty and smoggy.

空气肮脏，烟雾缭绕。

I don't know if you caught the German there.

我不知道你是否在那里抓住了德国人。

One of the tourists says, I think someone called for help in German.

一位游客说，我想有人用德语求救。

And the other one says, impossible-- everyone in this country is illiterate.

另一个人说，不可能——这个国家每个人都是文盲。

Then there's the front desk lady-- you know, the one that Carin calls from her iPad.

然后是前台女士——你知道，就是 Carin 用 iPad 打电话的那位女士。

Right.

正确的。

It could be funny if she was like, oh, my life is so boring.

如果她说，哦，我的生活太无聊了，那可能会很有趣。

I just answer this phone all day, and people ask for room service.

我整天只接电话，人们要求客房服务。

You do a cutaway.

你做一个切角。

I'm stuck in the closet.

我被困在衣柜里了

And finally, this is her big moment, and she doesn't even know it.

最后，这是她的重要时刻，而她甚至不知道。

[MUSIC PLAYING] Front Desk (SINGING) Oh!

[音乐播放] 前台（唱歌）哦！

It's so boring.

太无聊了。

It's boring as can be!

真是太无聊了！

It's boring to sit behind this desk.

坐在这张桌子后面很无聊。

It's boring to be me!

做我自己真无聊！

(SINGING) Hello?

（唱歌）喂？

Are you there?

你在吗？

Can you hear me?

你能听到我吗？

(SINGING) No one ever notices my radiant complexion.

（唱歌）没有人注意到我容光焕发的肤色。

No one ever asks me for anything but directions.

除了指路之外，没有人问我任何事情。

Then there's the husband.

然后是丈夫。

In this version of the story, we could actually see him out on his audition, belting his heart out, oblivious to the pain that his wife is going through.

在这个版本的故事中，我们实际上可以看到他在试镜时大声说出自己的心声，完全没有注意到他妻子正在经历的痛苦。

So maybe we could incorporate some kind of famous baritone aria.

所以也许我们可以加入某种著名的男中音咏叹调。

I wonder, like, what would be the most appropriate and ironic aria for him to be singing.

我想知道，对于他来说，最合适、最具讽刺意味的咏叹调是什么。

Oh, I don't know.

哦，我不知道。

Something about love, I'm sure.

我确信这与爱情有关。

Or something about being a rescuer.

或者关于成为救援者的事情。

We actually talked about what would be best.

我们实际上讨论了什么是最好的。

And we finally settled on a scene from Rigoletto , where the title character who loves his daughter more than anything in the world rages against courtiers who have locked her up in a tiny room.

我们最终选定了《弄臣》中的一个场景，在这个场景中，爱自己女儿胜过世上一切的主人公对将她锁在小房间里的朝臣们大发雷霆。

Open up that door, he sings.

打开那扇门，他唱歌。

Open up.

打开。

[MUSIC PLAYING] Husband [SINGING ARIA FROM "RIGOLETTO"]

[音乐播放] 丈夫 [演唱《弄臣》中的咏叹调]

Husband God, that was great.

老公神，太棒了。

Carin will be so proud of me.

卡琳会为我感到骄傲。

Of course, the climax of our opera arrives with the entrance of the housekeeper.

当然，随着管家的进来，我们的歌剧达到了高潮。

What should she be like in the opera version of this story?

在这个故事的歌剧版本中，她应该是什么样子呢？

Um, gosh.

嗯，天哪。

I mean, maybe she just rescues people all day.

我的意思是，也许她整天都在救人。

Maybe somebody's having a baby, and she delivers a baby.

也许有人正在生孩子，而她生下了孩子。

And then she cleans up after it.

然后她会清理干净。

Like, she saves a guy who's out on the ledge.

就像，她救了一个在悬崖上的人。

She gets him to come inside.

她让他进来。

(SINGING) What is it now?

（唱）现在怎么样？

You've locked yourself in?

你把自己锁在里面了？

I just delivered a baby in room 310, rescued a hostage, extinguished a fire!

我刚刚在310房间生了一个孩子，救了一个人质，还扑灭了一场大火！

It's time to retire.

是时候退休了。

But first, this little door's no match for me!

但首先，这扇小门敌不过我！

One little push, I'll set you free!

只要轻轻一推，我就能让你自由！

[MUSIC PLAYING] Carin Gilfry (SINGING) I can't believe--

[音乐播放] Carin Gilfry（唱歌）我不敢相信——

(SINGING) She can't believe-- Carin Gilfry (SINGING) I am free.

（唱）她不敢相信——Carin Gilfry （唱）我自由了。

(SINGING) She is free.

（唱歌）她自由了。

Carin Gilfry (SINGING) Out of the closet.

卡琳·吉尔弗里（唱歌）出柜了。

(SINGING) Out.

（唱）出去。

Carin Gilfry (SINGING) And into the light.

卡琳·吉尔弗里（唱歌） 进入光明。

(SINGING) I don't get paid enough.

（唱歌）我的报酬不够。

I don't get paid enough.

我没有得到足够的报酬。

Seriously.

严重地。

True story.

真实的故事。

Opera Cast (SINGING) Ah!

歌剧演员（演唱）啊！

Our opera, En Schrank Gefangen, or Trapped in the Closet , was composed by Matt Aucoin, music direction and keyboards by William Hobbs.

我们的歌剧《En Schrank Gefangen》或《困在壁橱》由马特·奥库安作曲，威廉·霍布斯担任音乐指导和键盘。

It featured Rachel Feldsetin, Candice Hoyes and Sarah Craft as elves, Marnie Breckenridge as the front desk, Adrian Rosas as the husband, Jeanine de Bique as the housekeeper, Rod Gilfry, who's actually Karen's dad, as the German tourist with Heather Buck, and mezzo-soprano Carin Gilfry as herself.

瑞秋·费尔德塞汀 (Rachel Feldsetin)、坎迪斯·霍耶斯 (Candice Hoyes) 和莎拉·克拉夫特 (Sarah Craft) 饰演精灵，玛妮·布雷肯里奇 (Marnie Breckenridge) 饰演前台，阿德里安·罗萨斯 (Adrian Rosas) 饰演丈夫，珍妮·德·比克 (Jeanine de Bique) 饰演管家，罗德·吉尔弗里 (Rod Gilfry)（实际上是凯伦的父亲）饰演德国游客，希瑟·巴克 (Heather Buck) 饰演，女中音卡琳·吉尔弗里 (Carin Gilfry) 饰演她自己。

Which brings us to act one.

这让我们进入第一幕。

Act One, "21 Chump Street, the Musical." I've always wondered what it would mean to try one of our radio stories as a musical.

第一幕，“音乐剧 21 Chump Street”。我一直想知道尝试将我们的广播故事改编成音乐剧意味着什么。

I was taken to so many musicals as a kid.

我小时候被带去看了很多音乐剧。

And I think because of that, my basic sense of what makes a satisfying story actually comes from musicals much more than from TV or movies.

我认为正因为如此，我对令人满意的故事的基本感觉实际上更多地来自音乐剧，而不是电视或电影。

If you think about, like, the classic old musicals-- Fiddler on the Roof or even A Chorus Line -- it's like, they're funny at the beginning.

如果你想想经典的老音乐剧——《屋顶上的提琴手》甚至《合唱队》——它们一开始就很有趣。

And then there's something really emotional.

然后还有一些非常情绪化的事情。

And they're about some bigger idea.

它们是关于一些更大的想法。

They take you into this world.

他们带你进入这个世界。

I just love that.

我就是喜欢这样。

And so what you're about to hear is our first attempt at a musical based on journalism.

所以你将听到的是我们第一次尝试制作一部基于新闻的音乐剧。

Probably 70% to 80% of what you're about to hear is verbatim quotes from interviews.

您将听到的内容中，可能 70% 到 80% 都是采访中的逐字引述。

The rest is artistic invention.

剩下的就是艺术发明了。

I'll say that upfront.

我先说一下。

It's based on a true story you may remember from our radio program.

它是根据您可能还记得我们广播节目中的一个真实故事改编的。

Back in May, 2011, at a bunch of high schools in Palm Beach County, Florida, a group of young police officers were sent undercover to pose as students.

早在2011年5月，在佛罗里达州棕榈滩县的一所高中里，一群年轻警察被派去卧底冒充学生。

They went to classes.

他们去上课了。

They ate in the cafeteria.

他们在自助餐厅吃饭。

They had fake Facebook accounts, of course.

当然，他们有假的 Facebook 帐户。

There had been complaints about drugs being sold at these schools.

有人抱怨这些学校出售毒品。

That's what they were there to deal with.

这就是他们在那里要处理的事情。

And what happened next in this one school was transformed into a musical by a team of people who usually do this on Broadway.

接下来在这所学校发生的事情被一群通常在百老汇表演的人改编成了一部音乐剧。

Pretty much everybody involved in this, the cast, the chorus, the musicians, the director, Michael Mayer-- all from Broadway.

几乎所有参与其中的人，演员、合唱团、音乐家、导演迈克尔·梅尔——都来自百老汇。

Words and music are by Lin-Manuel Miranda, probably best known--

歌词和音乐是林-曼努尔·米兰达（Lin-Manuel Miranda）创作的，他可能是最著名的——

--probably best known for writing and starring in In the Heights .

——最著名的作品可能是《In the Heights》的编剧和主演。

He will be your narrator.

他将成为你的叙述者。

The plan was called Operation D-minus.

该计划被称为“D-减号行动”。

And one of the schools included in the plan was Park Vista Community High School, where a kid named Justin Laboy--

该计划中包括的学校之一是帕克维斯塔社区高中，那里有一个名叫贾斯汀·拉博伊的孩子——

(SINGING) That's me.

（唱歌）那就是我。

Lin-Manuel Miranda --an 18-year-old honor roll student--

Lin-Manuel Miranda——一名 18 岁的优等生——

--was in the last semester of his senior year.

——当时是他大四的最后一个学期。

Justin could hardly believe his luck, when a very pretty girl showed up.

当一个非常漂亮的女孩出现时，贾斯汀简直不敢相信自己的运气。

(SINGING) Naomi!

（唱歌）娜奥米！

Lin-Manuel Miranda In not one but two of his classes.

林-曼努尔·米兰达 (Lin-Manuel Miranda) 在他的两堂课中，而不是一节课上。

(SINGING) Naomi!

（唱歌）娜奥米！

Lin-Manuel Miranda She sat in front of him.

林-曼努尔·米兰达 她坐在他面前。

He switched seats.

他换了座位。

(SINGING) Naomi!

（唱歌）娜奥米！

Lin-Manuel Miranda The last name she used was--

林-曼努尔·米兰达（Lin-Manuel Miranda）她使用的姓氏是——

(SINGING) Rodriguez.

（唱歌）罗德里格斯。

Lin-Manuel Miranda Justin, what drew you to Naomi initially?

林-曼努尔·米兰达·贾斯汀（Lin-Manuel Miranda Justin），最初是什么吸引您关注娜奥米？

(SINGING) Man, she used to fall asleep in class.

（唱）伙计，她以前在课堂上睡着了。

She was a (SINGING) light-skinneded Puerto Rican-Dominican-- long hair, mature in the body like whoa.

她是一个（唱歌的）浅肤色的波多黎各多米尼加人——长发，身体成熟，哇哦。

(SINGING) Like, whoa.

（唱歌）就像，哇。

Justin (SINGING) That's not the only reason I liked her, though.

贾斯汀（唱歌）但这并不是我喜欢她的唯一原因。

She said she moved with her mother to Florida from New York.

她说她和母亲从纽约搬到了佛罗里达。

(SINGING) Well, so did I.

（唱歌）嗯，我也是。

So I said, hi.

所以我说，嗨。

She seemed mature, and I talked more.

她看起来很成熟，我的话也更多了。

(SINGING) More, more!

（唱）更多，更多！

Justin (SINGING) And I was like, what the heck I gotta do to be with you?

贾斯汀（唱歌）我当时想，我到底要做什么才能和你在一起？

(SINGING) What the heck I gotta do to be with you?

（唱歌）我到底要做什么才能和你在一起？

(SINGING) Tell me who I gotta be for you to be with me.

（唱歌）告诉我我必须成为谁才能让你和我在一起。

(SINGING) Well, yeah.

（唱歌）嗯，是的。

I texted her!

我给她发短信了！

You know, I was like, (SINGING) what the heck I gotta do to be with you?

你知道，我当时想，（唱歌）我到底要做什么才能和你在一起？

(SINGING) L-O-L-O-L-O-L!

（唱歌）L-O-L-O-L-O-L！

Justin (SINGING) What the heck I gotta do to be with you?

贾斯汀（唱歌）我到底要做什么才能和你在一起？

(SINGING) R-O-F-L-O-L!

（唱歌）R-O-F-L-O-L！

Justin (SINGING) Tell me who I gotta be for you to be with me.

贾斯汀（唱歌）告诉我我必须成为谁才能让你和我在一起。

(SINGING) Yes!

（唱）是的！

(SINGING) Next thing you know, we're texting day and night.

（唱歌）接下来你知道的，我们日夜发短信。

I trust her right away.

我立刻就相信她了。

(SINGING) Like, whoa!

（唱歌）就像，哇！

Justin (SINGING) Hey, yo.

贾斯汀（唱歌）嘿，哟。

I never met anyone like her, bro.

我从来没有遇到过像她这样的人，兄弟。

Yo, she listens to all my problems.

哟，她倾听我所有的问题。

I let her copy all my homework.

我让她抄我所有的作业。

And then I lay it all on the line.

然后我就把这一切都赌上了。

And she was like--

而她就像——

(SINGING) No, no-- Justin (SINGING) No!

（唱）不，不——贾斯汀（唱）不！

She didn't say no exactly.

她并没有明确表示不。

I don't know.

我不知道。

(SINGING) No, no, no!

（唱歌）不，不，不！

Justin (SINGING) Yeah, I was surprised.

贾斯汀（唱歌）是的，我很惊讶。

I'm a pretty great guy.

我是一个非常优秀的人。

(SINGING) So?

（唱）所以呢？

So?

所以？

Justin (SINGING) So I decided I needed to step my game up.

贾斯汀（唱歌）所以我决定我需要提高我的水平。

(SINGING) Oh.

（唱歌）哦。

Oh.

哦。

Oh!

哦！

Oh.

哦。

Justin (SINGING) It's too late to be shy.

贾斯汀（唱歌）害羞已经太晚了。

So I got in front of the whole class one day, and I serenaded her.

所以有一天我在全班同学面前为她唱了小夜曲。

I was like, what the heck I gotta do to be with you?

我当时想，我到底要做什么才能和你在一起？

(SINGING) What the heck I gotta do to be with you?

（唱歌）我到底要做什么才能和你在一起？

(SINGING) Tell me who I gotta be for you to go to prom with me!

（唱歌）告诉我我必须成为谁才能让你和我一起去舞会！

You asked her to the prom?

你邀请她参加舞会？

Justin (SINGING) Yeah!

贾斯汀（唱歌）是啊！

I danced and everything.

我跳舞等等。

(SINGING) (SINGING) Naomi!

（唱）（唱）内奥米！

Justin (SINGING) Naomi!

贾斯汀（唱歌）娜奥米！

I know there's a reason you were transferred here to me.

我知道你被调到我这里来是有原因的。

(SINGING) Naomi!

（唱歌）娜奥米！

Students (SINGING) Naomi!

学生（唱）内奥米！

I know there's a reason this isn't luck.

我知道这不是运气，这是有原因的。

It's destiny.

这是命运。

(SINGING) Naomi!

（唱歌）娜奥米！

Justin (SINGING) Naomi!

贾斯汀（唱歌）娜奥米！

You know me!

你了解我！

Will you go to prom with me?

你愿意和我一起去参加舞会吗？

(SINGING) She'll think about it.

（唱）她会考虑的。

She'll think about it.

她会考虑一下。

She'll think about it.

她会考虑一下。

She'll think about.

她会考虑一下。

(SINGING) She said she'd think about it.

（唱歌）她说她会考虑一下。

(SINGING) Think about it.

（唱）想一想。

Justin (SINGING) She'll think about it.

贾斯汀（唱歌）：她会考虑一下的。

(SINGING) She'll think about it.

（唱）她会考虑的。

She'll think about it.

她会考虑一下。

(SINGING) I didn't say yes.

（唱）我没有答应。

I didn't say I'll think about it.

我没说我会考虑一下。

I can't tell you my real name, but yes, I can confirm that I did get asked to the prom.

我不能告诉你我的真实姓名，但是，是的，我可以确认我确实被邀请参加舞会。

The undercover officer who posed as Naomi is 25 years old, a new recruit with the Palm Beach Police Force.

冒充内奥米的卧底警官今年 25 岁，是棕榈滩警察部队的新兵。

(SINGING) My assignment-- to pose as a senior and find out who's buying, who's selling.

（唱）我的任务——假装成一个高年级学生，找出谁在买，谁在卖。

Mostly pills and weed.

主要是药丸和杂草。

You would not believe how easy it is to get pills and weed.

您不会相信获得药丸和大麻是多么容易。

What's the hardest part?

最难的部分是什么？

Naomi The cafeteria.

娜奥米 自助餐厅。

Imagine hundreds of teenagers yelling and running full speed.

想象一下数百名青少年大喊大叫并全速奔跑。

And the lack of deodorant.

而且缺乏除臭剂。

Let's just say I would drink at the end of the day.

假设我一天结束时会喝酒。

Seriously, these kids need to learn there are consequences in life.

说真的，这些孩子需要知道生活是有后果的。

If I'm doing my job and I'm doing it right, I am making life safer one school at a time.

如果我尽职尽责并且做得正确，我就能让一所学校的生活变得更加安全。

So he asked you to prom?

所以他邀请你参加舞会？

Naomi (SINGING) Right.

内奥米（唱歌） 对。

(SINGING) I gave every excuse.

（唱）我给出了各种借口。

I said it's too expensive, which is totally true, by the way.

顺便说一句，我说它太贵了，这是完全正确的。

I told him, look, I'm just a transfer.

我告诉他，你看，我只是一个转校生。

I wouldn't feel comfortable with all your friends.

和你所有的朋友在一起我会感到不舒服。

And it's true you make friends on the job.

确实，你在工作中结交了朋友。

Then it ends.

然后就结束了。

You meet kids who are sensitive, smart, and defenseless.

你会遇到敏感、聪明、毫无防备的孩子。

Those are the ones you remember, the ones that you think about after you're gone.

这些是你记得的，是你离开后想起的。

Seriously, these kids need to learn there are consequences in life.

说真的，这些孩子需要知道生活是有后果的。

If I'm doing my job and I'm doing it right, I am making life safer one school at a time.

如果我尽职尽责并且做得正确，我就能让一所学校的生活变得更加安全。

Meanwhile-- Justin (SINGING) What the heck I gotta do to be with you?

与此同时——贾斯汀（唱歌）我到底该怎么做才能和你在一起？

(SINGING) Tell me who I gotta be for you to be with me.

（唱歌）告诉我我必须成为谁才能让你和我在一起。

(SINGING) Do you smoke weed?

（唱歌）你吸大麻吗？

Justin (SINGING) No, I don't.

贾斯汀（唱歌）：不，我不。

But if that's what you need, I can find some for you.

但如果这就是你需要的，我可以为你找到一些。

I can be your supply.

我可以成为你的供应。

(SINGING) Seriously, these kids need to learn there are consequences in life.

（唱歌）说真的，这些孩子需要知道生活中存在后果。

(SINGING) If I'm doing my job and I'm doing it right, I am making life safer one school at a time.

（唱歌）如果我在做我的工作并且做得正确，我就能让一所学校的生活变得更安全。

Listen, I'm not a drug dealer.

听着，我不是毒贩。

So it's not like she asked me this day, and I got it for her the very next day.

所以并不是她今天问我，第二天我就给她拿到的。

It took me a while, you know?

我花了一段时间，你知道吗？

So I mean, I'm trying to get it, and I can't get it.

所以我的意思是，我试图得到它，但我无法得到它。

What are you thinking as you're trying to get this pot to sell her?

当你试图把这个罐子卖给她时，你在想什么？

I'm thinking, what the heck am I doing?

我在想，我到底在做什么？

I never done this before.

我以前从未这样做过。

So I'm, you know-- I'm really scared and skeptical at the same point.

所以我，你知道的——我真的很害怕，同时也很怀疑。

What did you end up doing?

你最后做了什么？

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[音乐播放]

I called a cousin who called a cousin who called his friend, who called a couple dozen cousins, 'cause it doesn't end.

我给一个表兄弟打电话，他又给一个表兄弟打电话，他又给他的朋友打电话，他又给几十个表兄弟打电话，因为事情还没有结束。

My cousin Justin's looking for a little something-something for a certain someone, some girl he wants to be touching.

我的表弟贾斯汀正在寻找一些小东西——给某个人的东西，某个他想触摸的女孩。

(SINGING) Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

（唱歌）每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

We were just discussing our cousin Justin.

我们刚刚在讨论我们的表弟贾斯汀。

Wasn't Justin the cousin who just made the honor roll, got the colleges buzzin'?

贾斯汀不是刚刚进入荣誉榜、让大学兴奋不已的表弟吗？

Are we close to our cousin Justin?

我们和表弟贾斯汀关系好吗？

Are we supposed to trust him?

我们应该相信他吗？

Are we thugs to our cousin Justin?

我们是表弟贾斯汀的暴徒吗？

We don't sell drugs, man.

我们不卖毒品，伙计。

(SINGING) Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

（唱歌）每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

Did you get it yet?

你收到了吗？

Justin No, I'm about to get it.

贾斯汀 不，我马上就拿到了。

Is your dealer a student?

你的经销商是学生吗？

Justin I got you, girl.

贾斯汀，我找到你了，女孩。

Don't sweat it.

别出汗。

Let me know when you got it.

当你收到它时请告诉我。

Justin As soon as I can.

贾斯汀 尽快。

Oh, man!

哦，伙计！

Cousin 1 Yo, what is up with this fussin'?

表弟1哟，你这么大惊小怪是怎么回事？

This isn't up for discussion.

这个不值得讨论。

This is our cousin coming to us.

这是我们的表弟来找我们。

He's our blood, and we love him.

他是我们的血脉，我们爱他。

(SINGING) Only if you believe in love.

（唱）只要你相信爱情。

Love!

爱！

(SINGING) Love!

（唱）爱！

Only if you believe in love.

只要你相信爱情。

Get him the stuff.

给他拿东西。

Justin I hand my cousin 25 ducats.

贾斯汀 我给了我表弟 25 金币。

I'm sweating buckets.

我满头大汗了。

He hands me a sandwich bag with some little green nuggets.

他递给我一个三明治袋，里面装着一些绿色的小块。

I got it for you.

我给你拿到了。

See you at school.

学校见。

Students (SINGING) Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

学生们（唱歌） 每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

(SINGING) Love!

（唱）爱！

Students (SINGING) Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

学生们（唱歌） 每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

Everybody's got a cousin--

每个人都有一个表弟——

(SINGING) --who can hook them up with something.

（唱歌）——谁能把他们和某些东西联系起来。

Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

Everybody's got a cousin who can hook them up with something.

每个人都有一个可以为他们勾搭一些东西的表弟。

Now, according to the police, Justin is a drug dealer.

现在，据警方称，贾斯汀是一名毒贩。

Maybe Justin didn't know where to get drugs.

也许贾斯汀不知道去哪里买毒品。

Maybe he did.

也许他做到了。

What we know is this.

我们所知道的是这个。

The next day, Justin brought a rolled-up baggie of marijuana to school for Naomi.

第二天，贾斯汀给娜奥米带来了一袋卷起的大麻到学校。

And I was like, oh my god, I'm actually about to do this.

我当时想，天哪，我真的要这么做了。

So we was in class, and I sat down right next to her.

我们上课了，我坐在她旁边。

And she was like--

而她就像——

Justin, do you have it?

贾斯汀，你有吗？

Justin Yeah, I do.

贾斯汀 是的，我愿意。

And I was like, you know what?

我当时想，你知道吗？

We're going to wait for a few.

我们要等几个。

Because I didn't want to be like, oh hey, and just slide it in her hand or whatever.

因为我不想表现得像，哦嘿，然后把它滑到她手里或者其他什么。

So we waited.

所以我们等待。

And she was like-- Naomi OK, put it in my purse.

她就像——内奥米，好吧，把它放进我的钱包里。

So I slid it right in there.

所以我就把它滑进去了。

And then she was like--

然后她就像——

OK, here.

好的，在这里。

Take the money.

拿钱吧。

Justin, take the money.

贾斯汀，拿钱吧。

(SINGING) I don't want your money.

（唱）我不要你的钱。

I got this just for you.

我特地为你准备了这个。

Keep your money.

保留你的钱。

There's nothing I won't do for you.

没有什么我不会为你做的。

I'll come through for you every time-- "Justin" time.

每次“贾斯汀”时间我都会为你服务。

(SINGING) Justin, listen.

（唱歌）贾斯汀，听着。

Please, just take the money.

请把钱拿走吧。

(SINGING) Naomi, I know there's a reason you were transferred here.

（唱歌）内奥米，我知道你被调到这里是有原因的。

(SINGING) You're making me feel guilty.

（唱歌）你让我感到内疚。

Take the money.

拿钱吧。

(SINGING) Naomi, I know there's a reason.

（唱歌）内奥米，我知道这是有原因的。

This isn't luck.

这不是运气。

It's destiny.

这是命运。

(SINGING) You really did come through for me.

（唱歌）你确实为我挺过来了。

(SINGING) Naomi, you know me.

（唱歌）内奥米，你了解我。

Naomi (SINGING) There's only one last thing you need to do for me.

内奥米（唱歌） 你只需为我做最后一件事。

(SINGING) I will be there just in time.

（唱）我会及时赶到的。

Every time.

每次。

(SINGING) Take the money.

（唱）拿钱来。

Take the money.

拿钱吧。

(SINGING) Anytime.

（唱）任何时候。

Naomi (SINGING) Take the money.

内奥米（唱歌）拿走钱。

(SINGING) Naomi.

（唱歌）内奥米。

Justin (SINGING) I don't want your money.

贾斯汀（唱歌）：我不要你的钱。

(SINGING) The teacher's coming.

（唱）老师来了。

Take this money, Justin.

拿着这笔钱，贾斯汀。

(SINGING) Naomi.

（唱歌）内奥米。

Justin (SINGING) Keep your money.

贾斯汀（唱歌）保留你的钱。

(SINGING) We aren't done.

（唱歌）我们还没有完成。

Please take this money, Justin.

请收下这笔钱，贾斯汀。

(SINGING) Naomi.

（唱歌）内奥米。

Justin (SINGING) I'll come through for you.

贾斯汀（唱歌）：我会帮你的。

(SINGING) Naomi.

（唱歌）内奥米。

Naomi (SINGING) Take the money.

内奥米（唱歌）拿走钱。

(SINGING) Take the money.

（唱）拿钱来。

Take this money, Justin.

拿着这笔钱，贾斯汀。

(SINGING) Just in time.

（唱） 来得正是时候。

Lin-Manuel Miranda Justin would later find out it's a felony in Florida to sell marijuana.

林-曼努尔·米兰达·贾斯汀后来发现在佛罗里达州出售大麻是重罪。

And the penalty is even harsher for selling it on school property.

在学校财产上出售的处罚甚至更严厉。

By taking the money, Justin had made an irreversibly bad decision.

通过拿走这笔钱，贾斯汀做出了一个不可挽回的错误决定。

And since he was over 18, he was legally an adult when he made it.

由于他已经超过 18 岁，从法律上来说他已经是成年人了。

(SINGING) Seriously, these kids need to learn there are consequences in life.

（唱歌）说真的，这些孩子需要知道生活中存在后果。

I am doing my job.

我正在做我的工作。

I am doing it right.

我做得对。

I am making life safe for one school at a time.

我一次只为一所学校保证生命安全。

In May, the police arrested 31 students at several schools.

5月，警方逮捕了多所学校的31名学生。

Justin was one of them.

贾斯汀就是其中之一。

[SIRENS] Cop Freeze!

[警报器] 警察冻结！

You have the right to remain silent.

你有权保持沉默。

(SINGING) Everybody who sold drugs to undercover cops is busted.

（唱歌）所有向卧底警察出售毒品的人都被抓获。

Everybody who sold drugs to undercover cops is busted.

所有向卧底警察出售毒品的人都被抓获。

Everybody who sold drugs to undercover cops is busted.

所有向卧底警察出售毒品的人都被抓获。

Everybody who sold drugs to undercover cops is busted.

所有向卧底警察出售毒品的人都被抓获。

He spends a week in jail wondering what would happen next.

他在监狱里待了一周，想知道接下来会发生什么。

It's your word against hers.

这是你的话反对她的话。

The cops have every text.

警察有每条短信。

The cops have every text.

警察有每条短信。

The cops have every text.

警察有每条短信。

(SINGING) Don't worry, girl.

（唱歌）别担心，女孩。

I got the stuff.

我拿到东西了。

I got you.

我接到你了。

He knew he'd lose in court.

他知道他会在法庭上败诉。

He had to take a plea.

他必须接受请求。

Three years' probation.

缓刑三年。

I plead guilty to the felony.

我承认犯有重罪。

What?

什么？

A felony?

重罪？

A nickel bag's a felony?

一个镍袋是重罪吗？

What?

什么？

(SINGING) Justin, say goodbye to college.

（唱歌）贾斯汀，告别大学了。

They got you.

他们抓住了你。

These kids need to wake up.

这些孩子需要醒来。

I don't want to go too much into it, but drugs hit really close to home for me.

我不想过多地谈论它，但毒品对我来说真的很近。

I saw the effects growing up of cocaine, marijuana, ecstasy.

我看到了可卡因、大麻和摇头丸对我成长的影响。

With family members?

和家人一起？

Naomi (SINGING) Yes.

内奥米（唱歌）是的。

I've seen what it can do to a family.

我已经看到它可以为一个家庭带来什么。

That's all I want to say about it.

我想说的就是这些。

Do you wish someone like you had done this type of work?

您希望像您这样的人从事此类工作吗？

Yes.

是的。

And I hope someone like me keeps doing it.

我希望像我这样的人继续这样做。

Still, (SINGING) there are kids you remember, the ones that you think about after you're gone.

尽管如此，（唱歌）还是有一些你记得的孩子，那些你离开后仍会想起的孩子。

During the week he spent in jail, Justin couldn't help but think about Naomi.

在监狱里度过的那一周，贾斯汀忍不住想起了娜奥米。

(SINGING) She was a light-skinneded Puerto Rican-Dominican, long hair, mature in the body like whoa.

（唱歌）她是一个浅肤色的波多黎各多米尼加人，长发，身体成熟，哇哦。

That's not the only reason I liked her, though.

但这并不是我喜欢她的唯一原因。

Yo, if it had been a guy that came up to me asking me for drugs, I would have said no. I would have said, get out of my face.

哟，如果是一个人来找我要毒品，我会拒绝的。我会说，滚出我的脸。

I don't hang out with people like that.

我不和这样的人一起出去玩。

It's because it was her.

那是因为那是她。

Have you talked to her since all of this happened?

发生这一切之后你跟她说过话吗？

Well, no. I would love to.

嗯，不。我很乐意。

I would love to have that conversation.

我很想进行这样的谈话。

(SINGING) I would say, what the heck did you do?

（唱）我会说，你到底做了什么？

What the heck did you do?

你到底做了什么？

Naomi?

内奥米？

What the heck did you do?

你到底做了什么？

Our cast, Lindsay Mendez as Naomi, Anthony Ramos as Justin.

我们的演员阵容，林赛·门德斯饰演娜奥米，安东尼·拉莫斯饰演贾斯汀。

The chorus, Alex Boniello, Gerard Canonico, and Antwuan Holley.

合唱团由 Alex Boniello、Gerard Canonico 和 Antwuan Holley 组成。

Our narrator, Lin-Manuel Miranda, who also wrote the words and composed the music.

我们的旁白林-曼努尔·米兰达（Lin-Manuel Miranda）也作词作曲。

The musicians, Music Director Ben Cohn, Sean McDaniel, Mark Vanderpoel, David Cinquegrana Jonathan Dinklage, Emily Brausa, with Scott Wasserman.

音乐家包括音乐总监本·科恩 (Ben Cohn)、肖恩·麦克丹尼尔 (Sean McDaniel)、马克·范德普尔 (Mark Vanderpoel)、大卫·辛奎格拉纳 (David Cinquegrana)、乔纳森·丁拉奇 (Jonathan Dinklage)、艾米丽·布劳萨 (Emily Brausa) 和斯科特·沃瑟曼 (Scott Wasserman)。

To everybody who was actually listening to this right now on the radio-- or podcast, I should say-- the staging of this story was like a 14-minute nonstop dance number from start to finish, choreographed by Lorin Latarro, costumes, sets.

对于现在正在通过广播或播客收听这个故事的每个人来说，这个故事的上演从头到尾就像是一场 14 分钟不间断的舞蹈，由洛林·拉塔罗 (Lorin Latarro) 编排，服装、布景都由洛林·拉塔罗 (Lorin Latarro) 精心设计。

Lots of laughs--

笑点很多——

Lots of laughs in today's show are visual things that you are not seeing because you're hearing it only.

今天节目中的很多笑声都是视觉上的东西，你看不到，因为你只是听到了。

If you would like to see what you are missing, you can do that.

如果你想看看你错过了什么，你可以这样做。

You can do that right this second.

你现在就可以这样做。

You can download video of this entire show that we're doing today at the Brooklyn Academy of Music.

您可以下载我们今天在布鲁克林音乐学院进行的整个演出的视频。

Go to our website, thisamericanlife.org.

访问我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org。

Like Beyonce, we are dropping the album and all the videos on the same day.

像碧昂斯一样，我们将在同一天放弃专辑和所有视频。

She's a role model.

她是一个榜样。

We also have links to where you can get the official cast album recording of "21 Chump Street, the Musical."

我们还提供了链接，您可以在其中获取《音乐剧 21 Chump Street》的官方演员专辑录音。

Possibly the shortest cast album recording in Broadway history.

可能是百老汇历史上最短的演员专辑录制。

Coming up, Mike Birbiglia and the secret jokes a professional comedian usually only shares at home.

接下来，迈克·比尔比利亚和专业喜剧演员通常只在家里分享的秘密笑话。

That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International when our program continues.

一分钟后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。

It's This American Life .

这就是美国生活。

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Each week on our program, we choose a theme, bring you different kinds of stories on that theme.

每周我们的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的不同类型的故事。

Today, from the stage of the Brooklyn Academy of Music in Brooklyn, New York City, the radio drama episode.

今天，在纽约市布鲁克林布鲁克林音乐学院的舞台上播放广播剧插曲。

We have journalism, memoir, true stories ed as radio drama.

我们有新闻报道、回忆录、真实故事被编成广播剧。

We have arrived at act two of our show.

我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。

Act Two, "Of Mice and Men." So this next bit of radio drama is not an experiment for us like a musical or an opera.

第二幕“人鼠之间”。所以接下来的广播剧并不是像音乐剧或歌剧那样对我们来说是一个实验。

We thought it would be smart to have one story in today's show where we know what we're doing.

我们认为在今天的节目中加入一个让我们知道自己在做什么的故事是明智之举。

A type of radio drama we actually bring you now and then on the program, a true story told on stage by the person that it actually happened to.

我们在节目中时不时为您带来的一种广播剧，由真实发生过的人在舞台上讲述的真实故事。

Please welcome comedian Mike Birbiglia.

欢迎喜剧演员迈克·比尔比利亚。

Wow.

哇。

It's pretty easy following a musical.

听音乐剧很容易。

I, uh-- I think that my favorite thing about being married is actually that you can share jokes with your wife or husband that are funny to you and that person and no one else other than maybe your cat.

我，呃 - 我认为结婚后我最喜欢的事情实际上是你可以与你的妻子或丈夫分享对你和那个人来说有趣的笑话，除了你的猫之外没有其他人。

Because when you have a cat, your barometer for humor, poof, out the window.

因为当你养了一只猫时，你的幽默晴雨表就会消失。

Last summer, my wife and I went on a trip to Massachusetts.

去年夏天，我和妻子去马萨诸塞州旅行。

And I called it Cats-achusetts-- which is not funny, but in our house was the joke of the year.

我把它称为“Cats-achusetts”——这并不好笑，但在我们家却成了今年的笑话。

I was like, we're going to Cats-achusetts.

我当时想，我们要去 Cats-achusetts。

My life is like, ahh!

我的生活就像，啊！

I was like, ahh!

我当时想，啊！

Our cat was like, ahh!

我们的猫就像，啊！

Everyone loves a good pun when you have a cat.

当你养猫时，每个人都喜欢双关语。

And so we drive to Cats-achusetts.

于是我们驱车前往 Cats-achusetts。

And when we arrive, my wife has a headache.

当我们到达时，我妻子头痛。

And she asks me if I'll acclimate Ivan-- that's our cat-- to the bedroom, because you can't just put an indoor cat into a house, because he'll explode.

她问我是否能让伊万——那是我们的猫——适应卧室，因为你不能把一只室内猫放进房子里，因为它会爆炸。

And so I bring him in the bedroom.

于是我把他带进卧室。

But I'm so tired from the drive that I fall asleep, which is the only thing you cannot do when acclimating an indoor cat to a house.

但我开车太累了，以至于睡着了，这是让室内猫适应房子时唯一不能做的事情。

And so I wake up an hour later.

所以我一个小时后就醒了。

Ivan is gone.

伊万走了。

He got out.

他下了车。

And so now I'm running around the house.

所以现在我在房子里跑来跑去。

I'm like, my cat's going to explode.

我想，我的猫要爆炸了。

I wake up my wife.

我叫醒我的妻子。

I was like, Clo-- her name's Jen-- I say, Mr. Fantastic is gone-- his name's Ivan.

我当时想，克洛——她的名字叫珍——我说，神奇先生走了——他的名字叫伊万。

And Clo gave me a look that I can only describe as "divorce eyes."

克洛给了我一个我只能用“离婚眼”来形容的眼神。

Because before that, point I was convinced that we would be married forever.

因为在那之前，我确信我们会永远结婚。

And then once I saw the divorce eyes, I was like, oh, I guess this could end.

然后当我看到离婚的眼睛时，我想，哦，我想这可能会结束。

And if it ended, it would look a lot like that.

如果它结束了，它看起来会很像那样。

And so now the two of us are running around the house.

现在我们两个人在房子里跑来跑去。

I'm like, my marriage is falling apart.

我想，我的婚姻正在破裂。

My cat's going to explode.

我的猫要爆炸了

And we find Ivan, but we had another major problem in the house, which is that there were mice in the house.

我们找到了伊万，但我们房子里还有另一个大问题，那就是房子里有老鼠。

It was actually worse than that, because they were parasitic mice.

实际上比这更糟糕，因为它们是寄生老鼠。

They have what's called toxoplasmosis, which means they have a-- yeah, you might know what this is.

他们患有弓形虫病，这意味着他们患有——是的，你可能知道这是什么。

They have a parasite in them, and as a result they're unafraid of cats, and they're unafraid of people.

它们体内有寄生虫，所以不怕猫，也不怕人。

And the way we discovered this was that my wife was watching TV, and she looked next to her.

我们发现这一点的方式是我的妻子正在看电视，她看着旁边。

And there was a mouse.

还有一只老鼠。

And he was watching TV also.

而且他也在看电视。

And she screamed!

她尖叫起来！

And he just looked up at her like Stuart Little-- like, hey, what's going on?

他只是像斯图尔特·利特尔一样抬头看着她——就像，嘿，发生了什么事？

I don't like this show either.

我也不喜欢这个节目。

I don't know why all those women would want to marry that one guy.

我不知道为什么所有这些女人都想嫁给那个男人。

And then she pushed him off the couch.

然后她把他从沙发上推了下来。

And he didn't even run away.

而他甚至没有逃跑。

He didn't even scurry, which is a verb invented for mice.

他甚至没有急忙，这是为老鼠发明的动词。

He just walked into the kitchen, like a roommate-- like, fine!

他就像一个室友一样走进厨房——就像，好吧！

I'll go in the other room!

我去另一个房间吧！

I just think you're overreacting.

我只是觉得你反应过度了。

And then he did a confessional into the Mouse Cam in the kitchen.

然后他对着厨房里的鼠标摄像头做了一次忏悔。

He was like, I'm not here to make friends.

他说，我不是来交朋友的。

I'm here to win.

我来这里是为了获胜。

I was here before they came.

他们来之前我就在这里了。

I'll be here when they're gone.

他们走后我会在这儿。

I'm a mouse.

我是一只老鼠。

That's from "Real Mouse-wives of Cats-achusetts." That night, I'm sound asleep, and my wife wakes me up by grabbing my face.

这是来自《真正的老鼠——猫的妻子——achusetts》。那天晚上，我睡得很熟，妻子抓着我的脸把我吵醒。

She says, Mo-- my name's Mike-- Mr. Fantastic found the mouse.

她说，莫——我叫迈克——神奇先生发现了这只老鼠。

You need to get the mouse.

你需要得到鼠标。

And I sit up, and I say Clo, we have a cat.

我坐起来，说克洛，我们有一只猫。

We do everything for the cat.

我们所做的一切都是为了猫。

We gave him food.

我们给了他食物。

We give him an apartment that he thinks is the world.

我们给了他一套他认为就是全世界的公寓。

We set aside an area in the apartment for him to poop in that we clean more often than the area where we poop.

我们在公寓里留出了一个区域供他排便，因为我们清洁的频率比我们排便的区域更频繁。

We have a gentleman's agreement that in the unlikely event that a mouse should walk in that door (A LA MARLON BRANDO) that he will kill that mouse and we will never speak of that mouse again.

我们有一个君子协议，万一有一只老鼠走进那扇门（拉·马龙·白兰度），他会杀死那只老鼠，我们再也不会谈论那只老鼠了。

And he will be protected.

并且他会受到保护。

(NORMAL VOICE) That's from "Cat-father."

（正常声音）那是来自“猫爸爸”。

My wife says, Mo, get the mouse.

我妻子说，莫，拿鼠标。

And I sit up, and I see what may be the strangest tableau I will ever witness in my entire life.

我坐了起来，看到了我这辈子见过的最奇怪的景象。

Ivan's smacking the mouse.

伊万正在打老鼠。

The mouse flies in the air, lands, gets up, walks back towards Ivan.

老鼠在空中飞翔，落地，站起来，走回伊万身边。

Ivan smacks the mouse, flies in the air, lands, gets up, walks back towards Ivan.

伊万拍打老鼠，飞到空中，落地，站起来，走回伊万身边。

Ivan is thrilled!

伊万很兴奋！

His toy is alive!

他的玩具还活着！

I have a serious sleepwalking disorder.

我有严重的梦游症。

So as I am watching this, I'm not even really sure it's happening.

所以当我看到这个的时候，我什至不确定它是否正在发生。

I'm thinking, I've had this dream before.

我想，我以前也做过这样的梦。

My wife says, Mo, get the mouse.

我妻子说，莫，拿鼠标。

And she hands me a cup.

她递给我一个杯子。

I sit up.

我坐起来。

I walk towards the mouse.

我走向老鼠。

And the mouse walks towards me.

然后老鼠朝我走来。

I put the cup over the mouse.

我把杯子放在鼠标上。

I put a magazine under the cup.

我在杯子下面放了一本杂志。

I take the cup into the backyard, and I put the mouse into the forest, where I can only assume that he walked into the mouth of a wolf.

我把杯子带到后院，把老鼠放进森林里，我只能假设他走进了狼的嘴里。

And from that day forward, we have called it Mouse-achusetts.

从那天起，我们就把它称为“Mouse-achusetts”。

I want to point out something really special that happened there at the end.

我想指出最后发生的一些非常特别的事情。

A few minutes ago, I prefaced this story with a Massachusetts-based pun, Cats-achusetts, which we all agreed as a group is not funny.

几分钟前，我用马萨诸塞州的双关语“Cats-achusetts”作为这个故事的序言，我们都认为这并不好笑。

Just moments ago, I concluded the story with another Massachusetts-based pun that was nearly identical.

就在不久前，我用另一个几乎相同的马萨诸塞州双关语结束了这个故事。

And that was Mouse-achusetts.

那就是老鼠阿库塞特。

And we applauded.

我们鼓掌。

Which means, in a way, it's like we're married.

这意味着，在某种程度上，我们就像结婚了一样。

Mike Birbiglia.

迈克·比尔比利亚。

He's on his hundred-city "Thank God for Jokes" tour, which, Chicagolandians, comes to the Chicago Theater in September.

他正在进行他的百城“感谢上帝的笑话”巡演，芝加哥人将于九月在芝加哥剧院巡演。

To everybody hearing us on the radio, there was a person in a mouse costume on roller skates in that story doing some funny stuff.

对于在广播中听到我们的每个人来说，在那个故事中，有一个穿着老鼠服装、穿着溜冰鞋的人在做一些有趣的事情。

To see the video of this entire show so you understand what people are laughing at-- you will not be sorry-- thisamericanlife.org.

观看整个节目的视频，以便您了解人们在笑什么 - 您不会后悔的 - thisamericanlife.org。

We have arrived at act three of our show.

我们已经到了演出的第三幕了。

Act Three, "How do you Slow this Thing Down?"

第三幕，“你如何减慢这件事的速度？”

So this story is a follow up to a story that we ran a couple of years ago, which was a full episode of our show about one of our contributors, Josh Bearman, and his family.

所以这个故事是我们几年前报道的一个故事的后续，这是我们节目的一整集，讲述了我们的贡献者之一乔什·贝尔曼和他的家人。

The set-up is that Josh's parents got divorced when he was very young.

故事的背景是乔希的父母在他很小的时候就离婚了。

And he and his brother Ethan grew up with their dad, who's a physicist, out in suburban Los Angeles.

他和他的兄弟伊森 (Ethan) 与物理学家父亲一起在洛杉矶郊区长大。

Josh's mom and his half-brother David lived very differently.

乔什的妈妈和他同父异母的弟弟大卫的生活方式截然不同。

They drifted around.

他们四处漂泊。

They ended up in Florida.

他们最终到达了佛罗里达州。

They were barely keeping it together.

他们勉强维持在一起。

Josh's mom was an alcoholic.

乔什的妈妈是个酒鬼。

David was an aspiring rapper getting acquainted with the court system

大卫是一位有抱负的说唱歌手，正在熟悉法院系统

Together they lived in this tiny condo in a retirement community in West Palm Beach called Century Village, where they did not belong.

他们一起住在西棕榈滩一个名为世纪村的退休社区的这套小公寓里，但他们不属于那里。

They were not retirees.

他们不是退休人员。

And they would get into various kinds of jams and crises.

他们会陷入各种困境和危机。

And Josh would have to fly to Florida to try to help.

乔什必须飞往佛罗里达州才能提供帮助。

He ended up spending a lot of time there.

他最终在那里度过了很多时间。

What you are about to hear is an experiment at creating a radio drama which has exactly the same structure as one of the documentary stories on our show.

您将听到的是制作广播剧的实验，其结构与我们节目中的一个纪录片故事完全相同。

And so what's going to happen is the real Josh Bearman is going to narrate.

所以接下来发生的事情就是乔什·贝尔曼真正要讲述的事情。

And then instead of going to, like, quotes on tape or things like that, we have actors performing scenes that really happened.

然后，我们不再去引用磁带上的台词或类似的东西，而是让演员表演真实发生的场景。

All of this really happened.

这一切都真实发生过。

In those scenes, Josh is played by Josh Hamilton.

在这些场景中，乔什由乔什·汉密尔顿扮演。

His brother David is played by James Ransone.

他的弟弟大卫由詹姆斯·兰索恩饰演。

The story begins last year when real-life Josh found himself back in Florida with his two brothers.

故事始于去年，当时现实生活中的乔什发现自己和他的两个兄弟回到了佛罗里达。

My mother's been in the hospital so much by now she's figured out how to direct the paramedics, like emergency chauffeurs or something, to all of the best facilities.

我母亲在医院呆了很长时间，现在她已经弄清楚如何引导护理人员（例如紧急司机或其他人员）前往所有最好的设施。

Her room at Wellington Regional is big and bright.

她在惠灵顿地区的房间又大又明亮。

It's a corner room with big windows and a nice view.

这是一个角落的房间，有大窗户，风景很好。

Although she can't see it, because right now she's connected to state-of-the-art equipment behind a curtain.

虽然她看不到，因为现在她已经连接到了幕布后面最先进的设备。

[SOUNDS OF MEDICAL EQUIPMENT] When I walk in, my brother David is there already.

[医疗设备的声音] 当我走进去时，我的兄弟大卫已经在那里了。

Hey, man.

嘿，伙计。

Oh, this whole thing was like a fucked-up remix of "The Night Before Christmas," because it was the night before Christmas.

哦，这整件事就像是“圣诞节前夜”的混音版，因为那是圣诞节前一天晚上。

You know how she gets around the holidays.

你知道她如何度过假期的。

I mean, I thought that you and Ethan were going to bring her out to California.

我的意思是，我以为你和伊森会带她去加利福尼亚。

Oh, man.

哦，伙计。

I don't know why we didn't.

我不知道为什么我们不这么做。

I think it was Ethan's schedule.

我认为这是伊森的日程安排。

Or we probably just didn't try hard enough.

或者我们可能只是不够努力。

Nah, nah.

不，不。

I mean, you never know when she's going to get all twisted like that.

我的意思是，你永远不知道她什么时候会变得像那样扭曲。

And I wasn't even really around anyway.

反正我也不在身边。

Where were you?

当时你在哪里？

David I was with this girl from school, this girl Tasha.

大卫 我和学校里的一个女孩塔莎在一起。

And I went over to her house early on Christmas Eve, because they were having turkey dinner and everything-- you know, like a normal family.

平安夜我很早就去了她家，因为他们正在吃火鸡大餐等等——你知道，就像一个正常的家庭一样。

I mean, I had to get out of Century Village.

我是说，我必须离开世纪村。

I was cooped up in there with Mom, and she was driving me crazy.

我和妈妈一起关在里面，她快把我逼疯了。

So anyway, I'm at Tasha's.

无论如何，我在塔莎家。

And Mom calls, and she sounds all drunk, right?

妈妈打来电话，听起来她喝醉了，对吧？

And she's like, something happened to the car.

她就像，车出了什么事。

That's like something you would tell me.

这就像你会告诉我的事情。

I know.

我知道。

And now I know how you feel.

现在我知道你的感受了。

Well, whatever happened, the car got stuck, right?

好吧，不管发生什么，车都卡住了，对吧？

And I didn't have any way to get to her.

而我却没有办法接近她。

So how did she get home?

那么她是怎么回家的呢？

David I think Peggy picked her up.

大卫 我想佩吉接了她。

And by the time I got back to the condo the next day, she was-- she was pretty deep in it.

当我第二天回到公寓时，她已经深陷其中了。

But it didn't seem like that big of a deal really.

但这似乎没什么大不了的。

And then she woke up, and she was short of breath, so I was like--

然后她醒了，呼吸急促，所以我想——

Tuesday, so for, like, a day.

星期二，大约一天。

Josh And you didn't call me sooner?

乔希 你没有早点给我打电话吗？

Dude, she's done this shit, like, a million times.

伙计，她已经做过这种狗屎一百万次了。

I mean, she wasn't even that worried about it.

我的意思是，她甚至没有那么担心。

And she didn't want me to ride in the ambulance with her.

她不想让我和她一起坐救护车。

She was like, I'll see you later tonight, Dave.

她说，今晚晚些时候见，戴夫。

Hi, I'm Dr. Snyder.

你好，我是斯奈德博士。

Are-- are you the older brother?

你——你是哥哥吗？

Yes.

是的。

Dr. Snyder You have the medical power of attorney?

Snyder 医生 您有医疗授权书吗？

Our other brother.

我们的另一个兄弟。

He's also coming from California.

他也来自加利福尼亚州。

No. Dr. Snyder OK.

不，斯奈德博士，好的。

Oh, uh, did your mother go to Cornell?

哦，呃，你妈妈去康奈尔大学了吗？

What else did she say?

她还说了什么？

Dr. Snyder That she does not consume alcohol.

斯奈德博士说她不喝酒。

Those were her last words before going under.

这是她倒下前的最后一句话。

Soon enough, withdrawal told a very different story.

很快，撤军就讲述了一个截然不同的故事。

The first time this happened was five years ago, when David called and told me he had to remit himself to the local sheriff's office for, quote, "just a quick jail sentence." Oh, and Mom's in the hospital.

第一次发生这种情况是在五年前，当时大卫打电话告诉我，他必须将自己转到当地治安官办公室，引用“只是快速入狱”。哦，妈妈住院了。

So I flew to Florida that next day and went straight to the ICU.

所以第二天我飞到佛罗里达州，直接去了重症监护室。

Well, looks like she'll never be the same again.

好吧，看来她再也不会像以前那样了。

Oh, I see we have a savvy medical consumer here.

哦，我看到我们这里有一个精明的医疗消费者。

No. It's 2:00 AM.

不，现在是凌晨 2:00。

I'm just the guy on rotation.

我只是轮换的人。

So she scored low on the GOAT test, which measures brain function.

因此，她在测量大脑功能的 GOAT 测试中得分较低。

She got a 62-- probably permanently impaired.

她的得分为 62——可能是永久性损伤。

Oh, that's true.

哦，确实如此。

I took it myself for practice in nursing school.

我自己拿它去护士学校实习。

I got, like, an 80.

我大概得了80分。

Yeah, for a perfect score, you'd have to be, like, Superman or something.

是的，为了获得满分，你必须是超人之类的。

No, no, no. You know who could get 100?

不，不，不。你知道谁能得到100吗？

What's that guy-- you know, that guy who can do anything including karate.

那个人是什么——你知道，那个什么都能做的人，包括空手道。

Leonardo da Vinci.

列奥纳多·达·芬奇。

Orderly No, no, no. He's dead.

秩序井然 不不不。他死了。

He would score poorly.

他的成绩会很差。

[CHUCKLING] I was just--

[咯咯笑]我只是——

No, the-- the speaker guy who can do anything!

不，是那个无所不能的演说家！

Jesus Christ, if I was him, I'd never forget anyone's name.

天哪，如果我是他，我永远不会忘记任何人的名字。

Uh-- he helps you realize your full potential.

呃——他帮助你充分发挥潜力。

He's six and a half feet tall.

他身高六英尺半。

Come on, ladies.

来吧，女士们。

He's, uh--

他是，呃——

Tony Robbins?

托尼·罗宾斯？

Orderly Yes.

有序 是的。

Exactly.

确切地。

That guy.

那个家伙。

That guy, he could score 100.

那个家伙，他可以得分100分。

So as the medical professionals discussed how awakening the giant within can totally boost your neurological scores, one of the other nurses came and told me that earlier they had had to restrain my mom because even though she was unconscious, she'd somehow managed to get a hold of cigarettes.

因此，当医疗专业人士讨论唤醒内心的巨人如何完全提高你的神经学分数时，其他一位护士走过来告诉我，早些时候他们不得不限制我妈妈，因为即使她失去知觉，她还是设法拿到了香烟。

They caught her trying to light one in bed.

他们发现她试图在床上点燃一根蜡烛。

We're not even sure where she got it, the nurse said.

“我们甚至不确定她从哪里得到的，”护士说。

And that's when I knew my mother would be fine.

那时我就​​知道我妈妈会没事的。

Within days, she was sitting up, completely lucid, chatting up strangers-- everyone's favorite.

几天之内，她就可以坐起来，完全神志清醒，与陌生人聊天——这是每个人最喜欢的。

This time, things were bad enough that I called my brother Ethan.

这一次，事情已经够糟糕了，我打电话给我的兄弟伊森。

He can only come in a true emergency because he plays for the LA Philharmonic, and he has a couple kids, and his schedule's planned out months in advance.

他只能在真正的紧急情况下才来，因为他为洛杉矶爱乐乐团演奏，而且他有几个孩子，而且他的日程安排是提前几个月计划好的。

He took the red-eye straight from playing at Disney Hall.

他在迪士尼音乐厅演出后直接患上了红眼病。

Well, here we are again.

好吧，我们又来了。

Josh How you doing, man?

乔什，你好吗，伙计？

I'm so glad you're here.

我很高兴你在这里。

Josh Thanks for coming.

乔什，谢谢你的到来。

You holding up?

你坚持住了吗？

David Yeah, I'm all right.

大卫 是的，我很好。

Nice tux.

漂亮的礼服。

Yeah.

是的。

Thought my stage attire might help me look a little more official.

我想我的舞台服装可能会让我看起来更正式一点。

She in there?

她在里面吗？

Right now Ethan is working on a giant Mahler retrospective.

目前，伊森正在筹备一场大型马勒回顾展。

They're going to play all nine symphonies.

他们将演奏全部九部交响曲。

It's something that's never been done before.

这是以前从未做过的事情。

Hi.

你好。

It's nice to meet you.

很高兴认识你。

Your mother had a heart attack.

你妈妈心脏病发作了。

She has severe respiratory distress, nearly septic infection.

她有严重的呼吸困难，几乎是化脓性感染。

If we can get her breathing on her own again, recovery is possible but would take a long time.

如果我们能让她再次自主呼吸，康复是可能的，但需要很长时间。

And then what?

然后呢？

Dr. Snyder That's a good question.

斯奈德博士 这是一个很好的问题。

No, that is a good question.

不，这是一个好问题。

If she needs in-home care, I don't think David could do it.

如果她需要家庭护理，我认为大卫做不到。

They can't keep the cable on.

他们无法让电缆保持打开状态。

And if she doesn't make it, what then?

如果她没能成功，那怎么办？

Where is he going to live?

他要住在哪里？

Josh Right?

乔什 对吗？

He can't stay at Century Village.

他不能留在世纪村。

I mean, it's a retirement community with a perimeter.

我的意思是，这是一个有边界的退休社区。

It's like a geriatric army base.

这就像一个老年军事基地。

I don't know how he hasn't gotten kicked out already.

我不知道他怎么还没被赶出去。

They're definitely onto him.

他们肯定是针对他的。

And if they realize mom isn't coming back--

如果他们意识到妈妈不会回来了——

I'm sure we're going to get calls any day now.

我确信我们现在随时都会接到电话。

Which one are you working on?

您正在从事哪一项工作？

Ethan Oh.

伊森哦。

The 8th.

第八个。

Oh, that's a big one, right?

噢，那是一件大事，对吧？

Ethan Yeah, it's a big one.

伊森 是的，这是一个大的。

It has some really nice passages, though.

不过，它有一些非常好的段落。

Mom, I know you can hear me.

妈妈，我知道你能听到我的声音。

We love you, and we need you.

我们爱你，我们需要你。

Josh Bearman It's David who says that Mom would be happy that all three of her boys were together.

乔什·贝尔曼 大卫说妈妈会很高兴她的三个儿子在一起。

And that's true.

确实如此。

One of the few real senses of family I can recall was summers in the Midwest with her when we were all children years ago.

我能记得的为数不多的真正的家庭感觉之一是几年前我们都还是孩子的时候和她一起在中西部度过的夏天。

And we made ice cream and caught fireflies and roller skated-- normal things like that.

我们制作冰淇淋、捉萤火虫、滑旱冰——诸如此类的平常事情。

That's why David doesn't like being in the room much now, because he doesn't want to remember Mom like this, trapped in so many tubes.

这就是为什么大卫现在不太喜欢待在房间里，因为他不想像这样记住妈妈，被困在这么多管子里。

It's like some jacked-up Darth Vader shit, he says.

他说，这就像一些夸张的达斯维达狗屎。

And yet, he's the one who's been at her bedside the most.

然而，他却是陪伴在她床边次数最多的人。

I can't bring myself to kiss her the way David does.

我无法像大卫那样亲吻她。

I don't know why.

我不知道为什么。

After Ethan goes back to California, I stay with David and Mom.

伊森回到加利福尼亚后，我和大卫和妈妈住在一起。

Time is merciless in Florida and especially merciless in the ICU.

时间在佛罗里达州是无情的，在重症监护病房尤其是无情的。

Days turn into weeks, and every afternoon I pick up David, and we go to the hospital, talk to some doctors, wait, talk to some more doctors, and then maybe get dinner.

日子变成了几周，每天下午我都会去接大卫，然后我们去医院，与一些医生交谈，等待，与更多医生交谈，然后也许吃晚饭。

Very little changes.

变化很小。

Yo!

哟！

Yo, I still want to show you that video I was telling you about.

哟，我还想给你看我告诉你的那个视频。

Oh.

哦。

Yeah, right.

是的，对。

OK.

好的。

David OK, hold up.

大卫 好吧，等一下。

Hold up.

耽误。

In this very strange video, David's friend Sebastian, a completely grown man, is standing on some Florida crabgrass breakdancing robot-style.

在这段非常奇怪的视频中，大卫的朋友塞巴斯蒂安，一个完全成年的男人，正像机器人一样站在佛罗里达马唐草上。

And the music is a tinny Casio-sounding version of "Fur Elise."

音乐是《致爱丽丝》的卡西欧版本。

You know, he's pretty good.

你知道，他很不错。

David I know.

大卫我知道。

But why is this happening?

但为什么会出现这种情况呢？

David I don't even really know.

大卫，我什至都不知道。

I mean, we were all just hanging out there in the driveway-- like, a bunch of us.

我的意思是，我们都只是在车道上闲逛——就像我们一群人一样。

Dude just starts doing the robot.

老兄刚刚开始做机器人。

He does that sometimes, right?

他有时也会这么做，对吗？

And this one time, he was doing it in my face for a really long time-- for, like, a half hour.

这一次，他当着我的面这样做了很长一段时间——大约半个小时。

No, no-- I couldn't even believe it, man.

不，不——我什至不敢相信，伙计。

No, more that I had to watch it for so long.

不，更何况我还得看这么久。

Because I was, like, kinda trapped there, right?

因为我有点被困在那里，对吧？

And at first, I was trying not to look.

起初，我试图不去看。

And then I couldn't look away.

然后我就无法把目光移开。

Let me see that again.

让我再看一遍。

David OK, all right.

大卫 好吧，好吧。

Yeah, yeah.

是啊是啊。

[MUSIC - "FUR ELISE"] It was like I was in denial at first.

[音乐-“致爱丽丝”] 一开始我似乎在否认。

And then I accepted it.

然后我就接受了。

Like the stages of grief.

就像悲伤的阶段一样。

David Exactly!

大卫 没错！

Exactly.

确切地。

And then I reached some kind of state of bliss where it was so awesome that I was almost in tears.

然后我达到了某种极乐的状态，这种状态太棒了，我几乎流泪了。

Yeah, I'm not sure that's exactly the Kubler-Ross model.

是的，我不确定这是否正是库伯勒-罗斯模型。

Well, they should add that one-- the awesome state.

好吧，他们应该加上这一点——令人敬畏的状态。

It's nice spending time with David.

与大卫共度时光真是太好了。

But I'm also really worried about him.

但我也很担心他。

He's had a history with pills on and off over the years.

多年来，他一直断断续续地吃药。

And I suspect it's on again.

我怀疑它又开始了。

One night while we're driving to dinner, David says, oh hey, Josh, can we stop over at the Victory?

一天晚上，当我们开车去吃晚饭时，大卫说，哦嘿，乔什，我们可以在胜利酒店停留一下吗？

That's a gas station down on Okeechobee Boulevard.

那是奥基乔比大道上的一个加油站。

And Victory's a total misnomer for the kind of place where you pull in and just see a bunch of weird dudes crouching around the entrance, like it's a totally normal social spot.

对于那种你把车停进车里，只看到一群奇怪的家伙蹲在入口处的地方，“胜利”这个词完全是错误的，就像这是一个完全正常的社交场所一样。

And David knows everyone here, which is weird.

大卫认识这里的每个人，这很奇怪。

And I'm pretty sure something illicit is happening but I don't want to ask, because I don't want to be The Man with David.

我很确定正在发生一些非法的事情，但我不想问，因为我不想成为大卫身边的人。

And he probably wouldn't tell me anyhow.

而且他可能无论如何也不会告诉我。

Ah, it's nothing, David says.

啊，没什么，大卫说。

Sure, just your regular nighttime rendezvous in the parking lot of an off-brand gas station.

当然，只是您在非品牌加油站停车场的常规夜间约会。

David gets back in the car, and he says, all right, I'm good.

大卫回到车里，他说，好吧，我很好。

But I'm not so sure.

但我不太确定。

It's weird, but Mom and David are a team-- like a fucked-up crazy team for a long time, but a team nonetheless.

这很奇怪，但妈妈和大卫是一个团队——在很长一段时间里就像一个该死的疯狂团队，但仍然是一个团队。

And they've taken care of each other.

而且他们一直互相照顾。

And the question on my mind is if Mom doesn't make it whether David will.

我脑子里的问题是，如果妈妈没能成功，大卫是否能成功。

All right, guys.

好吧，伙计们。

She might destabilize immediately, but if she makes it, we'll load her up and get her over to the hospice facility right away.

她可能会立即不稳定，但如果她成功了，我们会立即将她送往临终关怀机构。

Yeah, I'm just-- I'm a little concerned that she understands you.

是的，我只是——我有点担心她是否理解你。

I mean, I think that she can hear you.

我的意思是，我认为她能听到你的声音。

Oh, I know this can be hard for you, an adjustment to end-of-life care is always--

哦，我知道这对你来说可能很难，对临终关怀的调整总是——

I mean, she's right there.

我的意思是，她就在那里。

Dr. Snyder Right.

斯奈德博士 对。

Do you have any other questions?

您还有其他问题吗？

Well, I was wondering-- David Yeah.

嗯，我想知道——大卫 是的。

Yeah, yeah.

是啊是啊。

Yeah.

是的。

I was wondering about Xanax.

我想知道阿普唑仑。

Uh, she's already getting Ativan, which is also for anxiety.

呃，她已经在服用Ativan了，这也是为了缓解焦虑。

It's part of the hospice program.

这是临终关怀计划的一部分。

So she--

所以她——

No, I meant for me.

不，我是为了我自己。

Look, I'm not talking, like, a whole prescription or anything.

听着，我说的不是整个处方之类的。

I'm just asking if you could hook me up with, like, a couple, you know, for right now.

我只是问你现在是否可以帮我联系一下，比如，一对夫妇，你知道的。

I'm sorry.

对不起。

I can't accommodate that request.

我无法满足这个要求。

I'm gonna go outside and smoke.

我要出去抽烟。

This shit is getting a little too real for me right now.

这狗屎现在对我来说有点太真实了。

The hospice is nice-- institutional, but warm.

临终关怀医院很好——制度化，但很温暖。

Like, people are allowed to bring pets and stuff.

比如，人们可以携带宠物和其他东西。

One lady even brought her horse, the intake guy was very excited to tell us.

一位女士甚至还带来了她的马，接待人员非常兴奋地告诉我们。

I spent some time going through Mom's things.

我花了一些时间整理妈妈的东西。

I find her address book, which is a mess, stuffed with Post-Its and scraps, bearing faded numbers in Mom's perfect cursive.

我找到了她的地址簿，里面乱七八糟，塞满了便利贴和碎片，上面用妈妈完美的草书写着褪色的数字。

How can we call her friends?

我们怎样才能称呼她为朋友呢？

I don't know who's who.

我不知道谁是谁。

I mean, no one visited her in the hospital.

我的意思是，没有人去医院探望她。

She doesn't really have that many friends around anymore.

她身边的朋友已经不多了。

And I'm telling you, she didn't want visitors at the hospital.

我告诉你，她不希望医院里有访客。

Well, I don't have her friends' numbers.

嗯，我没有她朋友的电话号码。

David, I need you to help me figure this out.

大卫，我需要你帮我解决这个问题。

[PHONE VIBRATING] David I gotta take care of some shit right now.

[电话振动]大卫，我现在得处理一些事情。

Where are you going?

你要去哪里？

Dude, you've been wandering in and out of here for weeks.

老兄，你已经在这儿进进出出好几个星期了。

Is it pills or what?

是药丸还是什么？

Nah.

不。

Nah, it's Sebastian, right?

不，是塞巴斯蒂安，对吧？

He's got this other friend who called him, and--

他有另一个朋友给他打电话，而且——

So?

那么呢？

That can wait.

那可以等。

What is with all the weird petty dramas?

那些奇怪的小剧情是怎么回事？

Half the time you're pacing around on your phone dealing with some crisis, like Jimmy Carter at Camp David.

有一半的时间你都在玩手机处理一些危机，就像戴维营的吉米·卡特一样。

Well, I got Peggy's number.

嗯，我拿到了佩吉的电话号码。

Josh Well, why didn't you tell me that before?

乔什：好吧，你为什么不早告诉我呢？

You didn't ask?

你没问？

Josh Dude!

乔什老兄！

This is when you call people.

这是你打电话给别人的时候。

When your mother is dying, you call her fucking friends.

当你母亲去世时，你称她为朋友。

Yo, she can hear you.

哟，她能听到你的声音。

And I know that you want to be all mad at me right now because you're mad at yourself or something, but this whole situation is fucked up.

我知道你现在想生我的气，因为你生自己的气或者别的什么，但这整个情况都搞砸了。

I accepted it a long time ago.

我很久以前就接受了。

I accept that it's fucked up.

我承认一切都搞砸了。

I've been here for six weeks.

我已经在这里六个星期了。

And I appreciate everything that you have done.

我感谢你所做的一切。

But I've been here the whole time-- when Mom fell and knocked herself out or when I found her in the backyard or when I took her to get the last of her teeth removed.

但我一直都在这里——当妈妈摔倒摔倒时，或者当我在后院发现她时，或者当我带她去拔掉最后一颗牙齿时。

I wish it was different, but it is what it is.

我希望情况有所不同，但事实就是如此。

Mom is my best friend.

妈妈是我最好的朋友。

And you, you're gonna get to go home.

而你，你要回家了。

And I'm going to be the one who's stranded here.

而我将成为被困在这里的人。

Now, I have to go.

现在，我得走了。

Sebastian locked himself in his garage somehow.

塞巴斯蒂安不知何故将自己锁在车库里。

And you should call Peggy, but do that shit outside.

你应该打电话给佩吉，但在外面做那些事。

I finally bring myself to start holding Mom's hands, and she rubs my palm.

我终于开始握住妈妈的手，她揉搓我的手掌。

I think David's right.

我认为大卫是对的。

She knows.

她知道。

Each time, her grip gets a little stronger.

每一次，她的握力都会变得更强一些。

I look in her terrified eyes and see my own.

我看着她惊恐的眼睛，也看到了我自己的眼睛。

One night, just before I leave for the day, she takes my hand with both of hers.

一天晚上，就在我离开之前，她用两只手握住我的手。

It's the biggest show of purpose in weeks.

这是几周来最重要的一次目的展示。

And for a second, I don't see the tubes, the room, the cracked lips, or her papery fingers.

有一瞬间，我看不到管子、房间、干裂的嘴唇，或者她纸质的手指。

No one else is here.

这里没有其他人。

It's just us.

只有我们。

The next morning, there was a message on my phone from the hospice before I got up.

第二天早上，在我起床之前，我的手机上收到了临终关怀中心的一条消息。

I know-- they always say it was peaceful.

我知道——他们总是说这是和平的。

And they made arrangements with the King David Cemetery for the next day.

他们与大卫王公墓安排了第二天的行程。

Damn, my stomach hurts.

妈的，我肚子疼。

I can't tell if it's this funeral stuff or from that bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit I ate this morning.

我不知道这是葬礼上的东西还是我今天早上吃的培根、鸡蛋和奶酪饼干。

Hm.

嗯。

I mean, I'm going to guess it's the former.

我的意思是，我猜是前者。

I don't know.

我不知道。

That shit was pretty gross.

那玩意儿真是太恶心了。

You want to hear something funny?

你想听一些有趣的事情吗？

So, I was at home earlier today, right, watching TV, just trying to take my mind off of things, you know?

所以，今天早些时候我在家，对吧，看电视，只是想转移注意力，你知道吗？

And then all of a sudden, the TV goes black.

然后突然间，电视黑了。

And I'm like, oh, shit.

我就想，哦，妈的。

This is all I need right now.

这就是我现在所需要的。

So I find this cable bill from before Mom went into the hospital.

所以我找到了妈妈进医院之前的电报账单。

It was, like, $15, but she forgot to pay it, as usual.

大概是 15 美元，但她像往常一样忘了付钱。

And the whole thing was, like, such a Mom-type scenario, you know?

整件事就像是妈妈式的场景，你知道吗？

I mean, it's just exactly the type of thing that she would have done.

我的意思是，这正是她会做的事情。

So when the TV went black, I-- I kinda thought it was like Mom saying a little hello.

所以当电视黑屏时，我觉得这就像妈妈在打个招呼。

I'll be OK.

我会没事的。

I hope so.

我希望如此。

Rabbi All right.

拉比 好吧。

Let's get rolling.

让我们开始吧。

[RABBI CONDUCTING THE SERVICE IN THE BACKGROUND]

[拉比在后台主持仪式]

The sun is low on the horizon beneath the clouds, bringing up steam from the grass.

太阳低垂在云层下的地平线上，从草地上冒出蒸汽。

If you include the funeral director and the two Haitian dudes lounging on tombstones waiting to fill in the grave, there are only nine people listening.

如果算上葬礼承办人和两个躺在墓碑上等待填坟的海地人，那么就只有九个人在听。

The scene feels like a frontier funeral, a clutch of poor souls standing around a pine box, like we should leave here in a covered wagon and keep heading west and just be glad the devil's drink didn't bury us, too.

这个场景感觉就像一场边疆葬礼，一群可怜的灵魂围着一个松木箱站着，就像我们应该乘坐一辆有篷马车离开这里，继续向西行驶，庆幸魔鬼的饮料没有把我们也埋葬。

Joshuah Bearman.

约书亚·贝尔曼。

In the scenes, Josh Hamilton played him.

在场景中，乔什·汉密尔顿扮演他。

James Ransone played his brother David.

詹姆斯·兰索恩饰演他的弟弟大卫。

Matt Marks was Ethan and played the French horn.

马特·马克斯扮演伊森，吹法国号。

Our doctors were Bhavesh Patel and Seth Barrish, who also played the rabbi.

我们的医生是巴维什·帕特尔（Bhavesh Patel）和赛斯·巴里什（Seth Barrish），他们也扮演拉比。

Nurses were Carolyn Baeumler and Zakiya Young.

护士是卡罗琳·鲍姆勒和扎基亚·杨。

Terry Kinney directed the story on the stage.

特里·金尼在舞台上导演了这个故事。

So we've been planning for months that Stephin Merritt was going to sing a song at this point in the show.

因此，我们已经计划了几个月，斯蒂芬·梅里特将在节目的此时演唱一首歌。

And we told Josh Bearman a couple weeks ago.

几周前我们告诉了乔什·贝尔曼。

And he was like, oh my god, that's crazy.

他说，天哪，这太疯狂了。

My mom-- his mom in the story-- used to babysit for Stephin Merritt.

我的妈妈——故事中他的妈妈——过去常常照顾斯蒂芬·梅里特。

It's true-- when Stephin was a kid growing up outside Boston, Josh Bearman's mom Susan babysat for him.

这是真的——当斯蒂芬还是个在波士顿郊外长大的孩子时，乔什·贝尔曼的妈妈苏珊照顾他。

So please welcome, Stephin Merritt.

欢迎斯蒂芬·梅里特。

[MUSIC - "HOW DO YOU SLOW THIS THING DOWN?" BY STEPHIN MERRITT]

[音乐-“你如何减慢这件事的速度？”作者：斯蒂芬·梅里特]

Stephin Merritt, with Pinky Weitzman on violin and Sam Davol on cello.

斯蒂芬·梅里特 (Stephin Merritt) 与平基·韦茨曼 (Pinky Weitzman) 演奏小提琴，山姆·达沃尔 (Sam Davol) 演奏大提琴。

Stephin Merritt plays in a number of bands.

斯蒂芬·梅里特 (Stephin Merritt) 在多个乐队中演奏。

His latest album is from The Magnetic Fields.

他的最新专辑来自《磁场》。

It's called Love at the Bottom of the Sea .

这就是《海底之恋》。

Act Four, "Bus, Stop!" This next story is something that comedian Sasheer Zamata has been telling onstage in her stand-up act.

第四幕“公共汽车，站住！”下一个故事是喜剧演员 Sasheer Zamata 在舞台上以单口喜剧表演讲述的故事。

And we asked her to adapt it into a full-on radio drama with actors and a sound man, like a classic radio drama.

我们要求她将其改编成一部由演员和音响师组成的完整广播剧，就像经典广播剧一样。

In fact, we have two sound men doing sound effects with a table full of props.

事实上，我们有两个音响师在摆满道具的桌子上制作音效。

Please welcome Sasheer Zamata.

欢迎萨希尔·扎马塔。

A few years ago, I got into an accident on a shuttle bus.

几年前，我在乘坐班车时发生了事故。

My friend Nicole and I rented a car, and we were dropping it off at LaGuardia airport.

我和我的朋友妮可租了一辆车，我们要把车停在拉瓜迪亚机场。

We got onto the rental car company's shuttle bus to get taken to the cab stand to get a cab to go home.

我们坐上了租车公司的班车，到出租车站打车回家。

And we were the only two passengers on the bus.

我们是公共汽车上仅有的两名乘客。

Hey, you two sure you want to sit back there?

嘿，你们两个确定要坐到后面吗？

Because, ha-ha, I drive pretty crazy.

因为，哈哈，我开车很疯狂。

OK.

好的。

Sasheer Zamata We heard him say this, but we didn't believe him.

Sasheer Zamata 我们听到他这么说，但我们不相信他。

We should have believed him.

我们应该相信他。

Because that's exactly what he did.

因为他就是这么做的。

[BRAKES RELEASING] He sped out of the parking lot and towards the airport.

[松开刹车]他飞快地驶出停车场，朝机场驶去。

And Nicole and I were in the back, humoring him and playing up the wild ride.

妮可和我在后面，幽默地逗弄他，渲染疯狂的旅程。

Woo!

哇！

This is crazy!

这太疯狂了！

Sasheer Zamata And then he hits the brakes really hard.

Sasheer Zamata 然后他猛踩刹车。

[BRAKES SQUEALING] Nicole And Sasheer Whoa!

[刹车尖叫] Nicole 和 Sasheer 哇！

Too crazy!

太疯狂了！

And then we hit another car in the intersection.

然后我们在十字路口撞到了另一辆车。

[RUMBLING] Nicole And Sasheer Way too crazy!

[隆隆声] Nicole 和 Sasheer 太疯狂了！

There's no seat belts on the bus, and Nicole goes falling into the luggage carry in front of her.

公共汽车上没有安全带，妮可掉进了她前面的行李箱里。

I go flying into the air and headed towards the driver's seat.

我飞到空中，朝驾驶座走去。

Now, if I was walking this distance, it would probably take me, like, 10 seconds.

现在，如果我走这段距离，可能需要 10 秒钟。

But because I'm flying through the air, it takes me, like, two.

但因为我是在空中飞行，所以我需要大约两小时。

And I think now I understand why flying is the fastest way to travel.

我想现在我明白为什么飞行是最快的旅行方式了。

I'm lying on the floor, and my head is pounding.

我躺在地板上，头很痛。

And I just think, wow, that was the most realistic example of foreshadowing I've ever seen.

我只是想，哇，这是我见过的最现实的预示例子。

Two seconds ago, this guy says, I drive crazy.

两秒钟前，这家伙说，我快疯了。

And then he did.

然后他做到了。

And then we got into an accident.

然后我们就出了事故。

I don't know why I thought anything different would happen.

我不知道为什么我认为会发生不同的事情。

Hey, you OK?

嘿，你还好吗？

Sasheer No. Everything sucks.

萨希尔 不，一切都很糟糕。

I want to go home.

我想回家。

No, you can't go home.

不，你不能回家。

You hit your head.

你撞到了头。

Yeah, I know.

是的，我知道。

But it's fine.

但没关系。

Nicole No, it's not fine.

妮可 不，这不太好。

We have to go to the hospital.

我们得去医院。

Your face is, like, twice the size it should be.

你的脸大约是应有尺寸的两倍。

We get off the bus, and the cops are already there.

我们一下车，警察就已经到了。

I see the car that we hit, and it's a tiny red car.

我看到我们撞到的那辆车，是一辆红色小车。

And we T-boned it.

我们把它做成丁字形。

Except the T is very disproportionate, where the top part of it's very tiny and the bottom part's a huge bus.

除了 T 形非常不成比例，它的顶部非常小，底部是一辆巨大的公共汽车。

No, we were sitting at the back of the bus, and we couldn't actually see the traffic.

不，我们坐在公共汽车的后面，实际上看不到交通情况。

But you just said you didn't see anything.

但你只是说你什么也没看到。

Yeah, but he said, (IMITATING) I drive crazy-- before the accident, and then he did drive crazy.

是的，但他说，（模仿）在事故发生之前我开车发疯了，然后他确实开车发疯了。

A concept that was still blowing our minds.

这个概念仍然让我们震惊。

No, we didn't.

不，我们没有。

But how could it have been the other guy's fault?

但这怎么可能是另一个人的错呢？

We were on the bus that hit him.

我们在撞到他的公共汽车上。

Also, can someone take my friend to the hospital?

另外，有人可以送我朋友去医院吗？

She hit her head real hard.

她的头撞得很重。

Nicole was amazing in high-stress situations-- like the time when I told her I was pregnant.

妮可在高压力的情况下表现得很棒——比如我告诉她我怀孕了。

Um, yeah, so, we didn't use a condom.

嗯，是的，所以，我们没有使用安全套。

And I haven't had my period in a while.

而且我已经有一段时间没有来月经了。

It's OK.

没关系。

This is fine.

这很好。

OK, I support whatever you want.

好吧，你想要什么我都支持。

I don't know what I'm supposed to tell my family.

我不知道该告诉我的家人什么。

Oh, listen.

哦，听着。

I will go with you to the clinic, or if you don't want me to, whatever you want.

我会陪你去诊所，或者如果你不想我去的话，随你便。

No, no, no. I know.

不，不，不。我知道。

Come here.

过来吧。

It's going to be OK.

一切都会好起来的。

I love you, OK?

我爱你，好吗？

OK.

好的。

Um, I really appreciate this.

嗯，我真的很感激这一点。

And-- April Fools!

还有——愚人节！

See?

看？

She's a great friend.

她是一位好朋友。

And the perfect person to have for this stupid bus accident.

也是处理这起愚蠢的公交车事故的完美人选。

We get onto an ambulance and head towards the hospital.

我们上了救护车，向医院驶去。

And the driver of the other car is already there.

而另一辆车的司机已经在那里了。

And he's much chattier than most would be after getting into a serious accident like this.

在发生这样的严重事故后，他比大多数人都更爱说话。

So you guys were on that bus?

那么你们在那辆公共汽车上吗？

Sasheer Oh.

萨希尔哦。

Uh, yes.

呃，是的。

We were.

我们是。

It was a rental company bus.

那是一辆租赁公司的巴士。

Did you rent a car?

你租车了吗？

Uh, yeah.

呃，是的。

We rented a car to go to Boston.

我们租了一辆车去波士顿。

What kind of festival?

什么样的节日？

Sasheer A comedy festival.

Sasheer 喜剧节。

Don't talk to me!

别跟我说话！

Sasheer Zamata I don't know why I just didn't do that!

Sasheer Zamata 我不知道为什么我没有这样做！

Telling a person who's not a comedian that you're a comedian is never good because the conversation that follows is always terrible.

告诉一个不是喜剧演员的人你是喜剧演员从来都不是好事，因为接下来的对话总是很糟糕。

So you were up in Boston.

所以你在波士顿。

Did you make any jokes about baked beans?

你开过关于烤豆的玩笑吗？

They love those up there.

他们喜欢上面的人。

No, I didn't make any jokes about baked beans.

不，我没有拿烤豆开玩笑。

Listen, next time you're in Boston, you say, (KENNEDYESQUE ACCENT) pahk the cah.

听着，下次你在波士顿时，你会说，（肯尼迪斯克口音）pahk the cah。

It'll kill.

它会杀人。

It will kill.

它会杀死。

You can have that one.

你可以拥有那个。

That one's yours.

那个是你的。

You can have that for free.

您可以免费获得它。

OK, thank you.

好的，谢谢。

Thank you so much.

太感谢了。

I'm gonna stop talking now because my head really hurts.

我现在要停止说话了，因为我的头真的很痛。

(SNORTING) I get it.

（哼哼）我明白了。

Sasheer It's not a joke.

萨希尔这不是玩笑。

I get it.

我得到它。

Sasheer Zamata I don't want to say the name of the hospital that we went to because someone here in the audience may actually work there.

Sasheer Zamata 我不想说出我们去过的医院的名称，因为观众中可能有人实际上在那里工作。

But we went to Elmhurst Hospital.

但我们去了埃尔姆赫斯特医院。

And it was the dirtiest hospital I've ever been to in my life.

这是我一生中去过的最脏的医院。

There were Toblerone wrappers on stretcher beds and loose muffins on the floor-- just, like, unwrapped, unexplained, whole muffins.

担架床上放着三角巧克力包装纸，地板上散落着松饼——就像是未包装的、无法解释的完整松饼。

I'm left with Nicole in the waiting room.

我和妮可留在候诊室。

And we're waiting and waiting.

我们一直在等待。

Nicole's actually really scared of what would happen to me if I fell asleep.

妮可实际上真的很害怕如果我睡着了会发生什么。

So she makes it her job to make sure I stay awake.

所以她把确保我保持清醒作为她的工作。

Yeah?

是的？

Nicole You see that doctor over there?

妮可 你看到那边那个医生了吗？

Go get that muffin.

去拿那个松饼。

Sasheer I'll get that muffin.

萨希尔 我去买那个松饼。

Get that muffin.

得到那个松饼。

Sasheer I'm gonna get that muffin.

萨希尔 我要去买那个松饼。

Go get that muffin.

去拿那个松饼。

Sasheer I'm gonna get--

萨希尔我要得到——

Go get that muffin.

去拿那个松饼。

Sasheer I'm gonna get it.

萨希尔 我会得到它。

I got it!

我得到了它！

Nicole Oh, no!

妮可哦，不！

No, no, no, no. That's a dirty muffin.

不，不，不，不。那是一个脏松饼。

Put that muffin down.

把松饼放下。

[MUMBLING].

[咕哝]。

Nicole Oh, no. Maybe eat that candy off the chair.

妮可哦，不。也许可以吃掉椅子上的糖果。

OK.

好的。

There's nothing in here.

这里什么也没有。

Nicole Oh, no!

妮可哦，不！

The hot doctor must have eaten it all!

辣医生肯定都吃完了！

He loves chocolate.

他喜欢巧克力。

You're a big old chocolate woman, so yes!

你是个巧克力老女人，所以是的！

But you gotta stay awake.

但你必须保持清醒。

Doctors hate sleepy bitches.

医生讨厌昏昏欲睡的母狗。

Sasheer I don't want to be a sleepy bitch.

Sasheer 我不想成为一个昏昏欲睡的婊子。

Mm-mm.

嗯嗯。

Because you know what they say about sleepy bitches.

因为你知道他们是怎么形容困倦的母狗的。

Five hours pass, and I still haven't gotten seen.

五个小时过去了，还没见到我。

Excuse me, do you know how much longer before I get seen?

打扰一下，你知道我还要等多久才能被看到吗？

What you need to be seen for?

你需要见什么？

Sasheer I was just in a car accident.

Sasheer 我刚刚遭遇车祸。

I need someone to check my head.

我需要有人检查我的头脑。

Oh!

哦！

I didn't know you were in a car accident.

我不知道你出了车祸。

We thought you were waiting on somebody.

我们以为你在等人。

You look fine.

你看起来很好。

But I hurt!

但我受伤了！

Sasheer Zamata Eventually I get moved to the CAT scan area, and the guy running the scan looks like he's 12 years old, and he's, like, not putting me at ease.

Sasheer Zamata 最终我被转移到 CAT 扫描区域，负责扫描的人看上去只有 12 岁，而且他似乎让我不放心。

OK.

好的。

So what happened to you?

那你怎么了？

Sasheer I was just in a car accident.

Sasheer 我刚刚遭遇车祸。

That's what I hear.

这就是我听到的。

Child's Voice Whoa!

孩子的声音 哇！

Cool gold shoes!

金鞋好酷啊！

Did you spray-paint those yourself?

这些是你自己喷漆的吗？

I did!

我做到了！

Child's Voice That's so cool!

童声太棒了！

I want to get this one pair of sneakers with this design that has--

我想要一双这样设计的运动鞋——

He finally scans me.

他终于扫描了我。

And then I wait awhile for the results.

然后我等待一段时间结果。

You're fine.

你很好。

Sasheer Zamata Every person involved with this accident was awful.

萨希尔·扎马塔 (Sasheer Zamata) 参与这次事故的每个人都很糟糕。

Except for Nicole.

除了妮可。

She was the best part of this whole thing.

她是这整件事中最好的部分。

So ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you the last best person in New York State, Nicole Byer!

女士们先生们，我想向你们介绍纽约州最后一位最优秀的人，妮可·拜尔！

[FANFARE] When God comes back and says if there's one just person, one righteous person, I will not destroy the world-- oh, um, OK.

[FANFARE] 当上帝回来并说如果有一个正义的人，一个正义的人，我就不会毁灭世界——哦，嗯，好吧。

OK, so I will just not--

好吧，所以我不会——

It's Ira.

是艾拉。

Uh, radio listeners, internet listeners, what's happening now onstage is that people are running on giving Nicole flowers and cheering her.

呃，广播听众，互联网听众，现在舞台上发生的事情是人们纷纷向妮可献花并为她欢呼。

OK.

好的。

That's-- that's enough.

这——够了。

All right, I still-- I hit my head really hard in the accident.

好吧，我仍然——在那次事故中我的头受到了重击。

OK.

好的。

Well, thanks a lot for listening to my--

嗯，非常感谢您聆听我的——

There was some artistic license taken with actual dialogue.

在实际对话中采取了一些艺术许可。

The dialogue in that story at the hospital was not reported verbatim.

医院故事中的对话没有逐字报道。

We contacted Elmhurst Hospital about the conditions Sasheer saw, asked for a comment.

我们就萨希尔所看到的情况联系了艾姆赫斯特医院，请求发表评论。

The spokesperson said she'd get back to us this Wednesday.

发言人表示她将于本周三回复我们。

Didn't get around to it.

没抽出时间去做。

We reached out a few more times, and we never heard back.

我们又联系了几次，但没有得到任何回复。

Sasheer Zamata with Nicole Byer, Chris Gethard, Frank Garcia Hejl, Tony Ward, Zakiya Young, Seth Barrish, and 12-year-old Matthew Mindler as the CAT scan guy.

Sasheer Zamata 与 Nicole Byer、Chris Gethard、Frank Garcia Hejl、Tony Ward、Zakiya Young、Seth Barrish 和 12 岁的 Matthew Mindler 担任 CAT 扫描人员。

Well, our program was produced today by myself with Robyn Semien and Robert Saenz de Viteri, with our senior producer, Julie Snyder, Alison Davis, and Elise Bergerson, as well as Alex Blumberg, Ben Calhoun, Sean Cole, Stephanie Foo, Chana Joffe-Walt, Sarah Koenig, Miki Meek, Jonathan Menjivar, Brian Reed, Alissa Shipp, Nancy Updike.

今天，我们的节目由我本人与 Robyn Semien 和 Robert Saenz de Viteri 共同制作，我们的高级制作人 Julie Snyder、Alison Davis 和 Elise Bergerson，以及 Alex Blumberg、Ben Calhoun、Sean Cole、Stephanie Foo、Chana Joffe-Walt、Sarah Koenig、Miki Meek、Jonathan Menjivar、Brian Reed、Alissa Shipp、Nancy Updike。

Seth Lind is our operations director.

塞思·林德 (Seth Lind) 是我们的运营总监。

Emily Condon's our production manager.

艾米丽·康登是我们的生产经理。

Adrianne Mathiowetz runs our website.

阿德琳娜·马修韦茨 (Adrianne Mathiowetz) 负责运营我们的网站。

Research help from Michelle Harris and Julie Beer.

米歇尔·哈里斯和朱莉·比尔的研究帮助。

Some music in today's show by Roger Neill.

今天节目中的一些音乐由罗杰·尼尔创作。

Thanks to Laura Coburn.

感谢劳拉·科伯恩。

Thanks to all the theater professionals who took their time out from their day jobs to be here with us for a week and to be here today-- singers, actors, dancers, writers, composers, directors, and some actual famous people.

感谢所有从日常工作中抽出时间来到这里和我们一起度过一周以及今天来到这里的戏剧专业人士——歌手、演员、舞蹈家、作家、作曲家、导演和一些真正的名人。

And especially thanks to the core production team led by Robert Saenz de Viteri, Christine Jones set designer, Andrea Lauer costume design, Mark Bartun lighting design, Nevin Steinberg sound design, Ann McPherson stage manager, the BAM crew, they all had to use incredible I have to say cunning and craft to get a show this complicated into a theater and tech it in in one day.

特别感谢由 Robert Saenz de Viteri 领导的核心制作团队、Christine Jones 布景设计师、Andrea Lauer 服装设计、Mark Ba​​rtun 灯光设计、Nevin Steinberg 声音设计、Ann McPherson 舞台经理以及 BAM 工作人员，他们都必须使用令人难以置信的狡猾和技巧，才能在一天内将如此复杂的演出搬进剧院并进行技术改造。

We got here this morning.

我们今天早上到了这里。

Our website, where you can see everything that was on today's show, the sets, the costumes, the dancing, and, like, seriously half an hour of incredible material that was simply too long to include on the radio, thisamericanlife.org.

在我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org 上，你可以看到今天节目中的所有内容，包括布景、服装、舞蹈，还有半小时的令人难以置信的材料，这些材料太长了，无法包含在广播中。

This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.

《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。

Thanks, as always, to our show's co-founder, Torey Malatia.

一如既往地感谢我们节目的联合创始人托里·马拉蒂亚 (Torey Malatia)。

I will never forget the crazy birthday party where he ate slice after slice of German chocolate cake.

我永远不会忘记那个疯狂的生日聚会，他吃了一片又一片的德国巧克力蛋糕。

And we kept telling him, Torey, stop with the German chocolate cake.

我们一直告诉他，Torey，别再吃德国巧克力蛋糕了。

Stop it.

停止吧。

You're going to make yourself sick.

你会让自己生病的。

And we were right.

我们是对的。

He made himself sick.

他让自己生病了。

He was green and sick and then couldn't stop saying--

他脸色苍白，病态不堪，然后不停地说——

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Back next week with more stories of This American Life .

下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。

This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.

《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。