494: Hit the Road - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #494 | May 3, 2013 494: Hit the Road Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 494 集 | 2013 年 5 月 3 日 494：上路 注意：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life, distributed by Public Radio International.
序言 Ira Glass 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥，这就是美国生活，由国际公共广播电台发行。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
And I could say a lot of things right now to explain what we're doing on the program today.
我现在可以说很多话来解释我们今天在这个项目上所做的事情。
But honestly, I think everything you need to know can be explained with this phone call.
但说实话，我认为你需要知道的一切都可以通过这个电话得到解释。
[TELEPHONE RINGING] Bill Guy Hey, Bill here.
[电话铃声] Bill Guy 嘿，比尔在这里。
Hey, Bill.
嘿，比尔。
Bill Guy Hey.
比尔·盖伊 嘿。
I had a fellow-- he was walking across the country like a dummy.
我有一个家伙——他像个假人一样走遍全国。
And it's cold weather.
而且天气很冷。
And I was going to put him up at the barbecue shed.
我打算把他安置在烧烤棚里。
But I got to thinking about it.
但我必须考虑一下。
And it was warm out here in my shop.
我的店里很温暖。
So I just brought him on down to my shop.
所以我就带他来我的店里。
He looked like a clean cut guy.
他看起来是一个干净利落的人。
And I didn't want no bum staying here.
我不想让任何流浪汉留在这里。
But I believe he'll be all right.
但我相信他会没事的。
Huh?
啊？
[INAUDIBLE].
[听不清]。
Bill Guy He just walking across the country.
比尔·盖伊（Bill Guy） 他只是徒步穿越这个国家。
He said he's going to-- where you going to wind up at?
他说他要去——你最终会去哪里？
He's going to walk from New Orleans.
他将从新奥尔良步行过来。
And then he's going on to California.
然后他要去加利福尼亚州。
And he just bumming around.
而他只是闲逛。
Look like his pants are pretty clean.
看起来他的裤子很干净。
Now, where'd you come from?
现在，你从哪里来？
Philadelphia.
费城。
Bill Guy He come from Philadelphia.
比尔·盖伊 他来自费城。
Got to [INAUDIBLE] this morning and walked to right here.
今天早上到达[听不清]，然后步行到了这里。
You don't know his name?
你不知道他的名字吗？
Bill Guy Yeah.
比尔·盖伊 是的。
What's your name?
你叫什么名字？
Andrew Forsthoefel.
安德鲁·福斯托菲尔。
Bill Guy Andrew Forsthoefel.
比尔·盖伊·安德鲁·福斯托菲尔。
Now ain't that a name?
现在这不是一个名字吗？
Andrew Forsthoefel.
安德鲁·福斯托菲尔。
Yeah, you ever heard of that?
是的，你听说过吗？
Forsthoefel?
福斯托菲尔？
Now that's a crazy name, ain't it?
这是一个疯狂的名字，不是吗？
That's different.
那是不同的。
We ain't got nobody around here that name, have we?
我们这里没有人叫这个名字，不是吗？
I frisked him down.
我把他搜身下来。
He ain't got no gun on him or no pistol.
他身上没有带枪，也没有手枪。
Huh?
啊？
[INAUDIBLE].
[听不清]。
Bill Guy I don't know why he's doing it.
比尔·盖伊 我不知道他为什么这么做。
He's just crazy, I think.
我想他只是疯了。
So to hear Andrew Forsthoefel tell it, last year he found himself walking across America by accident.
据安德鲁·福斯特霍费尔 (Andrew Forsthoefel) 讲述，去年他发现自己偶然穿越了美国。
He took a job when he got out of college.
大学毕业后他找到了一份工作。
Three months in, he got fired.
三个月后，他被解雇了。
Wasn't sure what to do next.
不知道下一步该做什么。
And he just figured he'd start walking.
他只是想他应该开始走路。
He didn't have much money, didn't have a plan.
他没有多少钱，也没有什么计划。
He walked out of his back door near Philadelphia down to New Orleans.
他从费城附近的后门步行前往新奥尔良。
And then he figured he would just see if he felt like going further.
然后他想看看自己是否想走得更远。
And he did, all the way to the Pacific.
他做到了，一路到达太平洋。
He walked 4,000 miles.
他走了 4,000 英里。
Today on our program, we have three stories of people hitting the road.
今天在我们的节目中，我们讲述了三个人们上路的故事。
And they're full of hope.
而且他们都充满希望。
And they're not sure what to expect.
他们不确定会发生什么。
And they're launching themselves into the future.
他们正在向未来迈进。
And I will tell you truthfully, I am not so keen on this kind of story.
而且我老实告诉你，我不太喜欢这种故事。
On the radio, I think, this kind of story usually sucks, because where is the surprise?
我认为，在广播中，这种故事通常很糟糕，因为惊喜在哪里？
What is there to say about the thrill of the open highway that isn't already in the lyrics to "Thunder Road," or in Jack Kerouac, or in every road trip movie ever made from Easy Rider to National Lampoon's Vacation.
《雷霆之路》的歌词、杰克·凯鲁亚克的歌词、从《逍遥骑士》到《国家讽刺假期》的每一部公路旅行电影的歌词中，都没有提到公路上的惊险刺激。
Andrew did the thing that shouldn't work at all as a radio story.
安德鲁做了一件根本不应该作为广播故事的事情。
He started walking across America, didn't know exactly why he wanted to do it.
他开始徒步穿越美国，但并不知道自己为什么要这样做。
But he did have a mission, sort of.
但他确实有一个使命。
He was 23.
那年他23岁。
And he had a vague kind of sense that he was going to ask people what advice they would give their 23-year-old selves?
他有一种模糊的感觉，他要问人们会给 23 岁的自己什么建议？
And that's pretty good, actually.
事实上，这非常好。
He took a recorder with him just in case, and ended up recording 85 hours of stuff.
为了以防万一，他随身携带了录音机，最终录制了 85 个小时的内容。
When he got done, he got help from this website that exists to encourage people to make their own audio stories.
当他完成后，他从这个网站获得了帮助，该网站的存在是为了鼓励人们制作自己的音频故事。
It's called transom.org.
它的名字是 transom.org。
That's where to go, by the way, if you're ever thinking of making a radio story yourself.
顺便说一句，如果您想自己制作广播故事，那就去那里。
The guy who runs the site, Jay Allison, helped Andrew shape his 85 hours of audio into a story.
该网站的运营者杰伊·艾利森 (Jay Allison) 帮助安德鲁将他 85 小时的音频改编成一个故事。
Some friends wrote and played original music.
有些朋友创作并演奏原创音乐。
That's the music you're going to hear throughout.
这就是您将在整个过程中听到的音乐。
And what I like about it is you actually get a sense of what it would be like to walk across America.
我喜欢它的一点是，你可以真正感受到步行穿越美国会是什么样子。
We had a story on our show a couple months ago about a guy who tried this and lasted only three days.
几个月前，我们的节目中有一个故事，讲述的是一个人尝试过这种方法，但只持续了三天。
That's actually what made the story interesting is that he quit so fast.
实际上，让这个故事变得有趣的是他退出得如此之快。
But Andrew did the whole thing, walked the whole country.
但安德鲁做了整件事，走遍了整个国家。
His rule on the trip was no rides.
他对这次旅行的规定是不乘车。
He'd walk.
他会走路。
OK, so October 14, 2011, having my last breakfast at home.
好的，2011 年 10 月 14 日，我在家吃最后一顿早餐。
I feel my chest right now just racing.
我现在感觉我的胸口在剧烈跳动。
How do you feel, Mom?
妈妈，你感觉怎么样？
[LAUGHTER] Andrew's Mom I'm mad at you.
[笑声] 安德鲁的妈妈，我生你的气。
I feel like I'm being blown open again, like when you were born.
我感觉我又被炸开了，就像你出生时一样。
So something big is happening.
所以大事正在发生。
You're taking risks.
你正在冒险。
No, I feel that.
不，我有这样的感觉。
Andrew's Mom And it's something-- and we-- you know.
安德鲁的妈妈 这件事——还有我们——你知道。
Oh, man.
哦，伙计。
You're working me hard.
你让我很辛苦。
I walked out my back door that day with a 50 pound backpack, a mandolin, and a sign that said, walking to listen.
那天我走出后门，背着一个 50 磅重的背包，一把曼陀林，还有一块牌子，上面写着“步行去聆听”。
I was on the train tracks.
我在火车轨道上。
And about a half mile from my house, a car pulled off on the side of the road nearby.
距离我家大约半英里的地方，一辆车停在附近的路边。
It was Bob, our landlord.
这是鲍勃，我们的房东。
I couldn't believe the coincidence.
我简直不敢相信这个巧合。
It's not a coincidence, he said.
他说，这不是巧合。
Your mom's a wreck back at the house.
你妈妈在家里已经是一团糟了。
You don't have to do this.
你不必这样做。
When I told him I was going to keep walking, he pulled a big knife out of his pocket and gave it to me.
当我告诉他我要继续走时，他从口袋里掏出一把大刀递给我。
Don't trust anybody, he said.
不要相信任何人，他说。
Seven miles later, I saw some guys on the train tracks up ahead.
七英里后，我看到前面的铁轨上有一些人。
There was no one else in sight, not even in shouting distance.
视线中没有其他人，甚至在喊叫的距离内也没有其他人。
I felt Bob's knife in my pocket.
我感觉到鲍勃的刀在我的口袋里。
They were four Latino men.
他们是四名拉丁裔男子。
And when I got to them, they looked me up and down and asked what I was doing.
当我到达他们身边时，他们上下打量我，问我在做什么。
I told them I was walking across America, which sounded ridiculous because I'd been walking for about two hours.
我告诉他们我正在步行穿越美国，这听起来很荒谬，因为我已经走了大约两个小时。
But they gave me apple juice and cookies.
但他们给了我苹果汁和饼干。
And when I played a song for them on the mandolin, they gave me some vodka, too.
当我用曼陀林为他们演奏一首歌时，他们也给了我一些伏特加。
Well, Martin, new friends.
嗯，马丁，新朋友。
Martin Yeah, new friends.
马丁 是的，新朋友。
New friends.
新朋友。
Andrew Forsthoefel Out of nowhere, it started raining on us.
安德鲁·福斯托菲尔 突然下起了雨，落在我们身上。
And the one named Martin said I could come with them to escape the storm.
那个叫马丁的人说我可以和他们一起去躲避风暴。
I thought, what the hell.
我想，到底是什么。
Why not?
为什么不呢？
I'm walking across America.
我正步行穿越美国。
I followed them into the woods.
我跟着他们走进了树林。
And their camp was behind a shopping center I'd been to a lot.
他们的营地就在我去过很多次的购物中心后面。
We waited out the rain in the shacks they had built there.
我们在他们搭建的棚屋里等待雨停。
When it cleared up, the men gave me some home grown chilies and cactus fruit.
天晴后，男人们给了我一些自家种的辣椒和仙人掌果。
Martin shook my hand.
马丁握了握我的手。
God bless you, he said, and be careful.
上帝保佑你，他说，并且要小心。
Sleep with a knife by your side.
睡觉时身边放一把刀。
I am in Rising Sun, Maryland.
我在马里兰州的旭日。
Day two.
第二天。
My legs, my hips feel as if they have some sort of hot iron in them.
我的腿、臀部感觉好像有某种热铁在里面。
I've got ungodly blisters on both heels now.
我现在两只脚后跟都起了水泡。
I was on the highway, the only person in sight who was not in a car.
我当时在高速公路上，是视野中唯一一个不在车里的人。
But it was just-- you know.
但这只是——你知道。
I was in a place where it felt like no one else was.
我在一个感觉没有其他人的地方。
Oh, wow.
哦，哇。
What am I doing?
我在做什么？
What am I doing?
我在做什么？
If you could go back and, taking all of what you've learned in your life, tell your 23-year-old self something, what might you say?
如果你能回到过去，用你一生中学到的所有知识告诉 23 岁的自己一些事情，你会说什么？
What might be one of--
可能是以下之一——
Yeah, I wouldn't worry so much.
是的，我不会担心那么多。
I used to worry myself to death.
我曾经担心得要死。
And then now I realize the things you worry about, how many of them come true?
现在我意识到你所担心的事情有多少实现了？
Very seldom.
很少。
I'd go barefoot more.
我更愿意赤脚走路。
I wouldn't be nice.
我不会好心的。
I wouldn't be the nice little Southern girl.
我不会是那个可爱的南方小女孩。
I'd be a bitch.
我会是个婊子。
All right.
好的。
Woman I wasn't passive aggressive.
女人我并不是被动攻击。
I was just passive.
我只是被动而已。
All right, you all want to do [INAUDIBLE]?
好吧，你们都想做[听不清]吗？
Yeah, sounds good.
是的，听起来不错。
Andrew Forsthoefel When you're walking across the country, you get a lot of questions.
Andrew Forsthoefel 当您走遍全国时，您会遇到很多问题。
Where do you sleep?
你睡哪儿？
And what do you eat?
你吃什么？
How much money do you have?
你有多少钱？
What are you carrying?
你带着什么？
Are you taking rides or walking the whole way?
你全程是坐车还是步行？
Why are you walking?
你为什么走路？
So for the record, I planned as little as possible.
因此，郑重声明，我尽可能少地计划。
Although I never expected it, most of the time somebody would offer to put me up for the night.
尽管我从未预料到，大多数时候都会有人提出留我过夜。
When that didn't happen, I slept outside, under bridges or in the woods, wherever no one would see me.
当那件事没有发生时，我就睡在外面，桥下或树林里，任何没人能看到我的地方。
I figured my $3,000 in savings would get me through a whole year if I didn't stay in hotels or eat in restaurants much.
我想，如果我不经常住酒店或不去餐馆吃饭，我 3,000 美元的积蓄足以让我度过一整年。
I had a food bag I kept stocked with jerky, tuna fish, and PB&J.
我有一个食品袋，里面装着肉干、金枪鱼和PB&J。
But people cooked for me all the time.
但人们一直为我做饭。
And I never ate so well.
而且我从来没有吃得这么好过。
In my pack, I carried camping gear, my mandolin, an old laptop, a camera, and a recorder for taping interviews.
我的背包里装着露营装备、曼陀林、一台旧笔记本电脑、一台相机和一台用于录制采访的录音机。
Maps, no smartphone.
地图，没有智能手机。
My policy was not to take rides that would shorten the walk.
我的政策是不乘坐会缩短步行时间的游乐设施。
And as for why, well, I wanted to listen.
至于为什么，我想听听。
After all, I was wearing a sign that said, walking to listen.
毕竟，我戴着一块牌子，上面写着“步行去聆听”。
And people told me about their lives, what they'd done, what they wish they'd done, whatever they thought I needed to hear.
人们告诉我他们的生活，他们做过什么，他们希望自己做什么，以及他们认为我需要听到的一切。
In Louisiana, a guy who let me camp out behind his trailer told me, all you're doing is reading a book, just with your feet.
在路易斯安那州，一个让我在他的拖车后面露营的人告诉我，你所做的就是用脚看书。
I just want to raise him to-- I mean, if he wants to play sports, play sports.
我只是想培养他——我的意思是，如果他想参加运动，那就参加运动。
If he wants to sit there and be like me, a mechanic, welder, whatever, hey, I'm not going to sit you and force you into something you're not-- you don't want.
如果他想坐在那里像我一样，一名机械师，焊工，无论什么，嘿，我不会让你坐下来强迫你做一些你不想要的事情。
Why?
为什么？
Honestly, no. Take it day by day.
老实说，不。日复一日地接受它。
I mean, would you have fears?
我的意思是，你会害怕吗？
I think, for me, in some ways, maybe it's kind of like this walk.
我想，对我来说，在某些方面，也许这有点像这次散步。
It's like, I had a lot of fears before.
就像，我以前有很多恐惧。
But now that I'm doing it, I don't have too many fears.
但既然我这么做了，我就没有太多的恐惧了。
I think it'd be the same if I have a kid.
我想如果我有孩子的话也会是一样的。
Well, the thing about it is, you know, you find out you had a kid right now.
嗯，事情是这样的，你知道，你发现你现在有一个孩子了。
It'd make you want to drop everything and go back home.
这会让你想要放下一切，回家。
That's cool, man.
太酷了，伙计。
Part of me feels happy doing what I'm doing.
我的一部分对我正在做的事情感到高兴。
But it's not how I want to spend my life.
但这不是我想要的度过一生的方式。
Like I want--
就像我想要的那样——
Doing what?
做什么？
Andrew Forsthoefel Just living alone, kind of wandering, searching, traveling.
安德鲁·福斯托菲尔 (Andrew Forsthoefel) 独自生活，有点徘徊、寻找、旅行。
I love it all.
我喜欢这一切。
But it feels, in the end, a little bit empty.
但最终还是感觉有点空虚。
Oh, it is.
哦，是的。
But you know, after you've done walked this whole way, and have met different people, and learned so much about everything, and then took in all this knowledge, at the end, it's going to make you a different person.
但你知道，当你走完了这一路，遇到了不同的人，了解了很多事情，然后吸收了所有这些知识，最后，它会让你成为一个不同的人。
Everything that everybody tells you, it might be able to help you out to become this person-- a better father, a better husband, whatever.
每个人告诉你的一切，可能会帮助你成为这个人——一个更好的父亲，一个更好的丈夫，等等。
Walking, walking, walking, walking, walking.
步行，步行，步行，步行，步行。
Here's a little lumber truck.
这是一辆小木材车。
The lumber trucks have been zooming by on this road.
伐木车在这条路上呼啸而过。
It's a tiny, narrow little road.
这是一条又小又窄的小路。
Oh, two cars now.
哦，现在有两辆车了。
All right.
好的。
Got a honk.
听到了喇叭声。
That is awesome.
那太棒了。
He was driving the Humvee.
他驾驶着悍马车。
And there was a roadside bomb, or IED.
还有一枚路边炸弹，即简易爆炸装置。
He got the worst of it.
他遭遇了最糟糕的情况。
He was kind of like a cool dude.
他有点像一个很酷的家伙。
So he would drive with his leg propped up on the steering wheel, just cruisin'.
所以他开车时会把腿放在方向盘上，只是巡航。
And I guess when it blew up, his leg gotten tangled.
我猜当它爆炸时，他的腿被缠住了。
And in his words, it was like a noodle.
用他的话说，就像一根面条。
When he woke up, it was completely backwards and flopped over his shoulder.
当他醒来时，它完全倒退了，落在了他的肩膀上。
But eventually, a year and a half later, infection set in.
但最终，一年半后，感染开始了。
So he ended up having to amputate.
所以他最终不得不截肢。
He was the life of the party.
他是聚会的主角。
And even when I was 13, that was what attracted me to him, because I just felt like, you know, I was new.
甚至在我 13 岁的时候，这就是他吸引我的原因，因为我只是觉得，你知道，我是个新人。
You have this person that has all these friends.
你的这个人拥有所有这些朋友。
And he just seemed so happy and bouncy.
他看上去非常快乐、充满活力。
And he was just great.
他太棒了。
And when he came back, it was like slowly but surely, you could just see his soul almost being sucked out of him, if it hadn't been already.
当他回来时，就像缓慢但肯定地，你可以看到他的灵魂几乎被吸走了，如果还没有的话。
Because he started out fairly optimistic about his injuries.
因为他一开始对自己的伤势相当乐观。
But eventually, we had been in and out of hospitals for years because it just wasn't ending.
但最终，我们多年来一直进出医院，因为事情并没有结束。
And he started to get mean.
他开始变得刻薄。
And he didn't care about much anymore.
而他也不再关心太多了。
He wouldn't bathe for weeks.
他好几个星期都没有洗澡。
He started getting addicted to his pain medications that he was on all the time.
他开始对他一直服用的止痛药上瘾。
And he just-- I don't know.
他只是——我不知道。
It's like he got lost somewhere in Iraq and never really came back.
就好像他在伊拉克某个地方迷路了，再也没有真正回来过。
And when he first died, all I could do when I first found out about it after realizing it had even happened-- because I had talked to him the night before.
当他第一次去世时，当我意识到这件事已经发生后第一次发现这件事时，我所能做的就是——因为我在前一天晚上和他谈过。
And everything sounded good.
一切听起来都不错。
He sounded like he was getting things together.
他听起来像是在把事情整合起来。
And everything was going to maybe get better.
一切也许都会变得更好。
And finally a little ounce of hope.
最后还有一点希望。
And then, I found out he died.
然后，我发现他死了。
Didn't really believe it.
真的不相信。
Once I did, the next day, I was at my friend's condo.
一旦我做到了，第二天，我就在我朋友的公寓里。
And I just sat out in the sun, no sunscreen or anything.
我只是坐在阳光下，没有涂防晒霜或任何东西。
I just laid there and was hoping that the wind was him, or the bird flying by was him.
我只是躺在那里，希望风就是他，或者飞过的鸟就是他。
And I was trying to-- hopefully, he would hear me, because I just felt like I had to say I'm sorry.
我试图——希望他能听到我的声音，因为我只是觉得我必须说对不起。
Sorry.
对不起。
And there's a part of me that's like, why did he have to suffer for so long?
我内心深处想，为什么他要受苦这么久？
And why did we have to treat each other the way that we did?
为什么我们必须这样对待彼此？
Like why couldn't it have just ended in Iraq?
比如为什么不能在伊拉克结束？
And he would have been a hero.
他会成为英雄。
And we wouldn't have all these crazy times, like all these struggles that didn't have to be there.
我们不会有所有这些疯狂的时光，就像所有这些不必要的挣扎。
I just didn't understand.
我只是不明白。
So yeah, I had a lot of guilt.
所以是的，我有很多内疚。
But I've come to terms with it for the most part.
但我在很大程度上已经接受了它。
Because again, I just feel like there's only so much you can do.
因为我再次觉得你能做的只有这么多。
And someone dying doesn't change that.
某人的死亡并不会改变这一点。
It doesn't make them perfect.
这并不能让它们变得完美。
After everything, there is a part of me that's kind of shut off a little bit, because there's a tiny fear.
经历了这一切之后，我的一部分有点封闭了，因为有一点恐惧。
It's like the more people I get close to, the closer I get to someone, if they were to die, I would just hurt all over again.
就像我亲近的人越多，我与某个人的关系就越亲近，如果他们死了，我就会再次受伤。
I know that's so morbid.
我知道这太病态了。
But on a day to day basis, I just try to appreciate things.
但在日常生活中，我只是尝试欣赏事物。
You know, if I want to meet someone on the side of the road, I'm just going to do it.
你知道，如果我想在路边遇见某人，我就会这么做。
If I want to go somewhere, I just try to appreciate everything.
如果我想去某个地方，我就会尝试去欣赏一切。
If you care about someone, tell them.
如果您关心某人，请告诉他们。
Don't leave anything behind that you wouldn't want someone to see if you were to die.
不要留下任何你死后不想让别人看到的东西。
There's so many little lessons.
还有很多小教训。
But I don't now.
但我现在不知道了。
I don't know what the big life lesson is.
我不知道人生最大的教训是什么。
But I definitely know to think before I speak.
但我绝对知道说话之前要先思考。
And when I talk to people, keep in mind that I might not talk to them again.
当我与人交谈时，请记住我可能不会再与他们交谈。
And is that what I want to leave them with or them to leave me with?
这是我想留给他们的还是他们留给我的？
I don't know.
我不知道。
I loved the South-- the swamps and the farmland, getting called baby and sugar at the diners.
我喜欢南方——沼泽和农田，在餐馆里被称为“宝贝”和“糖”。
It was winter.
那是冬天。
But the cold wasn't too bad.
但寒冷还不算太严重。
And people were taking me in all the time.
人们一直在接纳我。
It seemed like every day there was some moment of grace.
似乎每天都有一些恩典的时刻。
There was another side, too, though.
不过，还有另一面。
A woman in Georgia told me I shouldn't walk through the next town because the whites had left, the help had stayed.
佐治亚州的一位女士告诉我，我不应该穿过下一个城镇，因为白人已经离开，帮助人员留下了。
And the southern black was a whole different animal than the northern black.
南方黑人与北方黑人是完全不同的动物。
Those were the words she used.
这是她用过的词。
This would happen a lot, people warning me about those others.
这种事经常发生，人们警告我要注意其他人。
They're not friendly like us.
他们不像我们那么友好。
They'll shoot you for the shirt off your back.
他们会因为你背上的衬衫而开枪射击你。
Don't trust them.
不要相信他们。
I never knew how to deal with the prejudice, especially when it came from someone who took me into their home and fed me.
我从来不知道如何应对这种偏见，尤其是当它来自那些把我带进他们家并喂养我的人时。
More often than I'd like to admit, I wouldn't say anything.
很多时候，我不愿意承认，但我什么也没说。
And I still feel ashamed of that.
我仍然为此感到羞耻。
What I wish is that these people could've experienced what I did, and seen that the people they warned me about were the very ones who took me in later on, and fed me, and told me their stories.
我希望这些人能够经历我所做的事情，并看到他们警告我的人正是后来收留我、喂养我、告诉我他们的故事的人。
So what was it like back in the old days?
那么过去是什么样子呢？
Oh god, honey.
天哪，亲爱的。
I've done got old and forgetful.
我已经老了，健忘了。
And I've done forgot I used to know about that stuff.
我已经忘记了我曾经知道这些东西。
But all I can tell you is it was scary.
但我只能告诉你这很可怕。
I never will forget, we were picking butter beans.
我永远不会忘记，我们正在采摘奶油豆。
And we had picked a bag that was in the garden for a white man.
我们在花园里为一个白人挑选了一个袋子。
And the wife told us to go bring in some water.
妻子叫我们去拿点水来。
And we got the buckets out of the kitchen and went sailing through the hole to the well.
我们把水桶从厨房里拿出来，穿过洞口，来到井边。
Got the buckets full.
桶已经满了。
And when we got back to the steps, he said, you niggers, don't you all come back up those steps.
当我们回到台阶时，他说，你们这些黑鬼，不要都回到那些台阶上来。
Go and run in the house with that water to the kitchen.
带着水跑进屋去厨房。
And we said, yes, sir.
我们说，是的，先生。
Now what do you think about those people who are so mean and hateful?
现在你对那些如此卑鄙和可恨的人有何看法？
What do you feel about them?
你对他们有什么感觉？
I feel like they ain't looking for a great day.
我觉得他们并不是在寻找美好的一天。
I'm looking for a great day, you know, when I see my Jesus face to face.
我正在寻找美好的一天，你知道，当我面对面见到我的耶稣时。
You don't do evil for evil.
你不以恶报恶。
They hate you all.
他们讨厌你们所有人。
You all love them.
你们都爱他们。
And I thought, how could I love somebody tell me, you nigger, don't you come back up them steps, go round the house?
我想，我怎么可能爱一个人告诉我，你这个黑鬼，你不走上台阶，绕着房子走一圈吗？
Now how could I love somebody, Lord?
主啊，我怎么能爱一个人呢？
And he said, that's the rule.
他说，这就是规则。
That's the golden rule.
这是黄金法则。
Love thy neighbor as thyself.
爱你的邻居如同你自己。
And I got to do what he says.
我必须按他说的去做。
I've got to love them.
我必须爱他们。
I've been traveling, traveling.
我一直在旅行，旅行。
That's enough.
这就够了。
Oh, come on.
哦，来吧。
Come on.
快点。
No, no, no. That was good.
不，不，不。那很好。
I can play this one.
我可以玩这个
Andrew Forsthoefel I saw my first mesa in April in central Texas.
安德鲁·福斯托费尔 (Andrew Forsthoefel) 四月，我在德克萨斯州中部第一次见到了平顶山。
I couldn't believe it.
我简直不敢相信。
I had walked into the West.
我已经走进了西方。
I bought a used baby stroller so I could push my pack instead of caring it.
我买了一辆二手婴儿车，这样我就可以推着我的背包而不用照管它。
It looked strange.
看起来很奇怪。
But this way, I could carry all the water I needed.
但这样我就可以携带我需要的所有水。
It was getting hot.
天越来越热了。
And there were long stretches between towns now.
现在城镇之间有很长的距离。
But without a backpack on my shoulders, it felt like I could walk forever.
但肩上没有背包，感觉就像我可以永远走下去。
My friend gave me a hand crank radio.
我的朋友给了我一台手摇收音机。
And I've been using it every once in a while.
我每隔一段时间就会使用它。
And I'm going to crank this baby up.
我要让这个婴儿兴奋起来。
There we go.
我们开始吧。
So basically, there's one station.
所以基本上只有一个站。
Yep.
是的。
And that's all we got.
这就是我们所得到的。
Through New Mexico and Arizona, I was walking 30, sometimes 40 miles a day.
我每天步行穿过新墨西哥州和亚利桑那州 30 英里，有时甚至 40 英里。
It was kind of magical to be so alone and tiny in this huge desert day after day.
日复一日地在这片巨大的沙漠中如此孤独和渺小，真是太神奇了。
I would lose myself out there.
我会在那里迷失自己。
And I kind of liked it.
我有点喜欢它。
But when somebody did take me in, I felt human again.
但当有人接纳我时，我又感觉到自己是一个人了。
[LAUGHTER] Man Yeah, I'll be an older man.
[笑声] 是的，我会成为一个老男人。
And looking back, what's it like to look back?
回顾过去，回顾过去是什么感觉？
And you were saying before you can't do some of the things you used to be able to do.
你以前说过你不能做一些你以前能做的事情。
Oh yeah.
哦，是的。
It breaks my heart, too.
这也让我心碎。
To put your foot up in a stirrup and just step up on a horse, I can't do that anymore.
把脚踩在马镫上然后跨上马，我再也做不到了。
And it's embarrassing to lead a horse to a fence, and get up on the fence, and get on the horse.
把马牵到栅栏前，爬上栅栏，再骑上马，这很尴尬。
You know, I hate to give up my independence that way.
你知道，我讨厌那样放弃我的独立性。
Dependent upon a fence to get me on a horse, that's dumb.
依靠栅栏才能让我上马，这太愚蠢了。
But I'm satisfied doing what I did, because I always tried to be the best hand in the pasture or the best hand in the pen.
但我对自己所做的事情感到满意，因为我总是努力成为牧场上最好的手或笔下最好的手。
I could do the work.
我可以做这项工作。
And I could pick sick cattle.
我还可以挑选生病的牛。
And I could doctor them.
我可以给他们治疗。
But as far as wishing I could do it again, sure I do.
但就希望我能再做一次而言，我当然愿意。
I wish I didn't get old.
我希望我没有变老。
I wish my body would do what I tell it to.
我希望我的身体会按照我的吩咐去做。
And the reason I ask is because, God willing, I'll be there someday, too.
我问这个问题的原因是，如果上帝愿意的话，有一天我也会在那里。
I understand.
我明白。
It hadn't been, I don't know, the day before yesterday or something, I was in my 20s.
不是，我不知道，前天什么的，当时我才20多岁。
And it just goes by.
一切就这么过去了。
Whenever you're young, and you're waiting to get 16 to get your driver's license, the years go by kind of like highline posts.
每当你还年轻，等待 16 岁拿到驾照时，岁月就如高线职位般流逝。
And then you get that.
然后你就明白了。
And you get out, and you go to work, and all that stuff.
然后你出去，然后去工作，诸如此类。
And then they get a little faster.
然后他们变得更快一点。
They get like fence posts.
它们就像栅栏柱一样。
And then pretty soon, you get up to 65 years old.
很快，你就到了 65 岁。
And things change in your life so much so drastically, of putting your feet where you want them and your body where it needs to be.
你的生活中的事情发生了如此巨大的变化，你的脚放在你想要的地方，你的身体放在它需要的地方。
It's gone.
它消失了。
And time goes by like cross ties on a railroad track-- just tch-tch-tch-tch.
时间就像铁轨上的枕木一样流逝——只是嘀嗒嘀嗒。
These days are gone.
这些日子已经过去了。
So while you've got it, use it.
因此，当你拥有它时，请使用它。
Your mind, your strength, your agility, use it.
你的思想、你的力量、你的敏捷性，都可以利用起来。
If I can call back forty years-- I'm looking forward to going to heaven.
如果时光倒流四十年前——我期待着去天堂。
And I wouldn't want to go through all my youth again.
我也不想再经历一遍我的青春。
But I miss what I could do.
但我怀念我能做的事情。
I miss it.
我很想念它。
If I got 10 more years in me, that'll be plenty.
如果我还能再活10年，那就足够了。
I'll be 83.
我就83岁了
I don't want to live past 83.
我不想活过83岁。
I don't want to be where somebody has to take care of me or lead me around or slobbering all my belly in a restaurant somewhere from a stroke.
我不想因为中风而必须有人照顾我，或者带领我四处走动，或者在餐馆里流着口水。
I'd just, of course, fall.
我当然会摔倒。
And I'd break my neck.
我会扭断我的脖子。
I really would.
我真的愿意。
So you come back through here 10 years from now, I might be around.
所以十年后你再来这里，我可能还在。
I might not.
我可能不会。
If I ain't, it's all all right.
如果我不是，那也没关系。
I've had a good life.
我过着美好的生活。
I know 23, 73 looks pretty old.
我知道23、73看起来很老了。
That's 50 years difference, son.
这是50岁的差别，儿子。
50 years makes a lot of difference.
50年有很大的不同。
But I relate.
但我有感触。
I can remember 23.
我记得是23。
Ho.
嗬。
It's amazing walking because I've never-- I'm just going to stop for a second.
步行真是太棒了，因为我从来没有——我只是想停下来一秒钟。
Besides the wind, there is nothing, no sound.
除了风，什么也没有，没有任何声音。
And when the wind dies down, it's complete silence, like nothing I've heard before.
当风停后，周围一片寂静，就像我以前从未听到过的那样。
And it's incredible.
这太不可思议了。
I love it.
我喜欢它。
It feels very freeing.
感觉很自由。
You can sing as loud as you want.
你可以随心所欲地唱歌。
You can say whatever you want.
你可以说任何你想说的话。
You can pull your pants down and moon the wind.
你可以脱下裤子，随风而行。
You can dance around and make a fool of yourself.
你可以到处跳舞，让自己出丑。
[NAVAJO] is one of those words that's really difficult to translate.
[NAVAJO] 是真正难以翻译的单词之一。
It's really a condition in your mind.
这确实是你心里的一个状况。
It is when you are balanced.
这是当你达到平衡的时候。
You're living your life in the way that you're supposed to be, that the good Lord, the creator, had meant you to be, who you are supposed to be.
你正在以你应该成为的方式过你的生活，善良的主，创造者，让你成为你应该成为的人，你应该成为的人。
And that is what [NAVAJO] is.
这就是[纳瓦霍]。
It is the ultimate goal of what Navajo people strive for.
这是纳瓦霍人奋斗的最终目标。
And it's something I struggle with every day.
这是我每天都在挣扎的事情。
With you right now, it would be like, you look around you.
现在和你在一起，就像是，你环顾四周。
Everything's happy.
一切都很开心。
You might not have enough to drink.
你可能没有喝够。
Your shoes might be worn out.
你的鞋子可能已经磨损了。
But you, yourself, inside you, you're feeling well.
但你，你自己，你的内心，感觉很好。
And you're happy.
你很高兴。
That's what [NAVAJO] is.
这就是[纳瓦霍]。
Hello.
你好。
Hello.
你好。
I'm camped out underneath a bridge in Nevada, just outside of Mesquite.
我在内华达州梅斯基特郊外的一座桥下露营。
This heat-- it's a totally different ball game than anything I've really had to deal with.
这种高温——这与我所经历过的任何事情都完全不同。
Basically, it feels dangerous.
基本上，感觉很危险。
I feel like I'm on the brink, you know?
我感觉我正处于边缘，你知道吗？
And I could either fall into that sense of calm.
我要么会陷入那种平静的感觉。
Or I could freak out.
否则我可能会吓坏。
I see how the desert does what it does to people.
我看到沙漠是如何对人们造成影响的。
Because if I didn't have this water-- well, if I didn't have this water, that'd be a whole other story.
因为如果我没有这种水——好吧，如果我没有这种水，那就完全是另一回事了。
,But yeah, I can see how it could drive you a little nuts.
，但是，是的，我知道它会让你有点抓狂。
I hit the wall in Nevada.
我在内华达州碰壁了。
It was near 110 degrees every day.
每天都接近110度。
So I started walking at night.
于是我开始夜间行走。
I was sleep deprived and a little delirious.
我睡眠不足，有点神志不清。
Very few people stopped on the road to say hello.
路上很少有人停下来打招呼。
They must have thought it was best to just keep driving when they saw a man pushing a baby carriage in the middle of the desert.
当他们看到一个男人在沙漠中央推着婴儿车时，他们一定认为最好继续开车。
There's all kinds of walking.
各种走路都有。
There's float walking when it's the easiest thing in the world.
漂浮行走是世界上最简单的事情。
And there's urge walking when you're just desperate to stop.
当你迫切想停下来时，就会有一种想要走路的冲动。
There's high walking when you're high and hurt walking when you're hurt.
当你兴奋时，你会兴奋地行走；当你受伤时，你会受伤。
I like weep walking the best, when all you can do is cry.
我最喜欢哭泣，当你所能做的就是哭泣。
I was doing two types of walking at night in Nevada.
我在内华达州的晚上进行了两种步行。
The first was dream walking, which happens when everything seems like a hallucination.
第一个是梦游，当一切看起来都像幻觉时就会发生这种情况。
The second was fear walking.
第二个是恐惧行走。
I almost got lost one night in a long stretch of desert outside Mesquite.
一天晚上，我在梅斯基特郊外的一大片沙漠中差点迷路。
I took a back road, which turned into a dirt trail.
我走了一条小路，结果变成了一条土路。
And it kept splitting into forks.
它不断分裂成叉子。
I had no idea where I was on the map.
我不知道自己在地图上的什么位置。
I was low on water.
我缺水了。
And when the sun came, there would be no shade.
当太阳出来的时候，就没有阴影了。
But I kept going down the dirt trail.
但我还是继续沿着土路走下去。
Finally, it hit me.
最后，它击中了我。
I could actually die out here.
我真的可能会死在这里。
In fact, if I couldn't find my way back to the main road, I probably would.
事实上，如果我找不到回到主路的路，我可能会找到。
Before dawn, I managed to find the main road again.
天亮之前，我又找到了大路。
But I couldn't get it out of my head, the image of that desert trail winding into the darkness.
但我无法将它从我的脑海中抹去，那条沙漠小道蜿蜒进入黑暗的景象。
From then on, I was fear walking.
从那时起，我就害怕走路了。
[TRAIN WHISTLE] Andrew Forsthoefel Whoo.
[火车汽笛] 安德鲁·福斯托菲尔 呼。
When I finally climbed up into the Sierras, I almost didn't believe it.
当我终于爬上内华达山脉时，我几乎不敢相信。
There were trees and lakes.
那里有树木和湖泊。
And the nights were actually cold.
夜晚实际上很冷。
The ocean was 200 miles away.
海洋距我们 200 英里。
So I could count on two hands the number of days I had until the end.
这样我就可以用两只手来数算距离结束还有多少天。
I expected to feel some sort of euphoria in the last two weeks of the walk.
我预计在最后两周的步行中会感到某种欣快感。
But it wasn't that at all.
但事实并非如此。
I was terrified, especially when I realized there was no escaping the end.
我很害怕，尤其是当我意识到结局无法逃脱时。
I've always known I'm going to die some day, like we all do.
我一直都知道有一天我会死，就像我们所有人一样。
But I think it was only in the last two weeks of the walk that I really believed it.
但我想只有在徒步的最后两周我才真正相信了这一点。
All the things people had been telling me about aging and grief and loss, someday my turn would actually come.
人们一直告诉我关于衰老、悲伤和失落的所有事情，有一天我真的会轮到我。
And my turn with death would come, too.
轮到我的死亡也将到来。
I had just turned 24.
我刚满24岁。
And death was as far away as the Pacific Ocean was from my home when I first started walking.
当我第一次开始走路时，死亡离我的家就像太平洋一样遥远。
But someday I would get there, just like I was going to get to the ocean.
但有一天我会到达那里，就像我要去大海一样。
I stopped recording audio and taking notes.
我停止录音和做笔记。
I walked each day in a weepy daze of disbelief.
我每天都在难以置信的茫然中哭泣着行走。
This is it, I kept saying.
就是这样，我一直说。
This is it.
就是这样。
The last night I spent on the road, I was camped out in the forest 20 miles from the ocean.
我在路上度过的最后一晚，我在距离大海 20 英里的森林里露营。
I set up the tent for the last time.
我最后一次搭起帐篷。
And I ate my last dinner from the food bag.
我从食品袋里吃了最后一顿晚餐。
There were cars passing me on the road.
路上有汽车从我身边经过。
And I had this thought, if I were in one of those cars right now looking into this dark forest, I'd probably think it was a scary place.
我有这样的想法，如果我现在坐在其中一辆车里看着这片黑暗的森林，我可能会认为这是一个可怕的地方。
But I'm in the forest.
但我在森林里。
And I know it's not a scary place.
我知道这不是一个可怕的地方。
In that moment, I didn't feel so afraid of the end.
那一刻，我不再那么害怕结局了。
On the afternoon of September 8, 2012, I saw the Pacific Ocean.
2012年9月8日下午，我看到了太平洋。
An hour more of walking, and I was there on the beach.
又走了一个小时，我就到了海滩。
Mom was waiting for me and Dad was, too.
妈妈在等我，爸爸也在等我。
And so many friends, all of them surrounding me in a big circle.
还有这么多的朋友，他们都把我围成一个大圈。
Even some people I'd met along the way mad it.
甚至我一路上遇到的一些人也对此感到愤怒。
The men from Navajo country drove from the reservation.
来自纳瓦霍地区的男子开车离开保留地。
And they led me to the water, drumming and singing a chant.
他们把我带到水边，一边敲鼓一边唱着圣歌。
And I was weep walking.
我边走边哭。
I was in the water.
我在水里。
I was floating in this dream.
我飘浮在这个梦里。
And there were so many voices, 4,000 miles of them.
声音如此之多，绵延 4,000 英里。
It's been six months since the ocean and the end.
距离大海和终结已经过去六个月了。
I'm not walking anymore, or not like that.
我不再走路了，或者说不再那样了。
And so sometimes I find myself forgetting everything the walk was to me.
所以有时我发现自己忘记了散步对我来说的一切。
When I listen, though, I remember.
但当我听的时候，我就记住了。
And then I forget again.
然后我又忘记了。
When I was on the road, I loved asking people what they'd say to their 23-year-old self if they could go back in time.
当我在路上时，我喜欢问人们，如果可以回到过去，他们会对 23 岁的自己说什么。
I would tell myself three things.
我会告诉自己三件事。
You know exactly what to do.
你清楚地知道该怎么做。
There's no need to be afraid.
没有必要害怕。
Keep walking.
继续走。
Andrew Forsthoefel.
安德鲁·福斯托菲尔。
He spent 11 months on the road, wore through five pairs of shoes, spend a little less than $1,000.
他在路上花了 11 个月，穿坏了 5 双鞋，花费不到 1000 美元。
He's now writing a book about the trip.
他现在正在写一本关于这次旅行的书。
He produced the radio story with Jay Allison, thanks to Viki Merrick.
感谢维基·梅里克 (Viki Merrick)，他与杰·艾利森 (Jay Allison) 共同制作了广播故事。
An hour long version of the story and photos of the trip are at transom.org.
一个小时的故事版本和旅行照片可在 transom.org 上找到。
transom.org is a free, nonprofit website that explains how to record and produce your own stories.
transom.org 是一个免费的非营利网站，解释如何记录和制作您自己的故事。
Coming up, two more road trips.
接下来，还有两次公路旅行。
And they are nothing like Andrew's.
他们和安德鲁的一点都不像。
They are in cars, one with a lady who's about to give birth, one with the kid who really, really, really needs to pee.
他们在车里，其中一辆载着一位即将分娩的女士，另一辆载着一个非常非常需要小便的孩子。
We floor it.
我们把它铺平。
And we do not stop for anything, in one minute.
我们一分钟内不会停下来做任何事情。
From Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续进行时，来自芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，我们每周的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的不同类型的故事。
Today's show, "Hit the Road," stories of heading out into the unknown during the time in your life when it means the most, specifically when you are still figuring out who you are.
今天的节目“上路”讲述了在你生命中最重要的时期，特别是当你仍在弄清楚自己是谁的时候，前往未知世界的故事。
We have arrived at Act 2 of our program.
我们已经到了计划的第二幕。
Act 2, Car Pool.
第二幕，拼车。
The actual distance covered by the car in this next story is not very far.
下一个故事中汽车实际行驶的距离并不是很远。
But as you'll hear, the kid in the car really cares about how things work out.
但正如你所听到的，车里的孩子真的很关心事情的进展。
It was recorded by Sierra Teller-Ornelas in front of a live audience.
它是由 Sierra Teller-Ornelas 在现场观众面前录制的。
She changed some of the names in this story.
她更改了这个故事中的一些名字。
Hello, everybody.
大家好。
Can you hear me OK?
你能听到我说话吗？
Awesome.
惊人的。
Before I start, [NAVAJO].
在我开始之前，[纳瓦霍]。
I'm Navajo.
我是纳瓦霍人。
And it is traditional in our culture to begin by alienating the entire audience.
在我们的文化中，从疏远所有观众开始是一种传统。
So you're welcome.
所以不客气。
So I was born and raised in Tucson, Arizona.
我在亚利桑那州图森市出生并长大。
What up?
怎么了？
When I was around 11, I lived in this apartment complex called Christopher City, which was like a dorm for families.
当我11岁左右的时候，我住在一个叫克里斯托弗城的公寓大楼里，它就像一个家庭宿舍。
My dad was in college.
我爸爸当时在上大学。
And it was mostly international students who brought their families.
而且主要是带着家人来的国际学生。
So my neighbors were from Korea, the Middle East, Japan, all over.
我的邻居来自韩国、中东、日本等等。
And then it was also single moms who couldn't live off campus, couldn't afford to.
还有一些单亲妈妈无法住在校外，也负担不起。
So get home from school one day.
所以有一天放学回家。
And my mom is like, get ready.
我妈妈说，准备好。
You're going out.
你要出去了。
And I was like, who am I going out with?
我当时想，我要和谁出去？
And she was like, my friend Jeanette, who had just moved into town, wants to take you to a baseball game, AAA, Tucson Toros, pretty exciting.
她说，我刚搬进城的朋友珍妮特想带你去看一场棒球比赛，AAA，图森托罗斯，非常令人兴奋。
And I was like, wait a minute.
我当时想，等一下。
And she's going to take her daughter, Candace, and her new boyfriend, Ahmed.
她将带着她的女儿坎迪斯和她的新男友艾哈迈德。
And I was like, Candace Simms?
我当时想，坎迪斯·西姆斯？
And Candace Simms was like the coolest girl.
坎迪斯·西姆斯就像是最酷的女孩。
She had just moved into town.
她刚刚搬进城。
And she was just wild.
她只是狂野。
She would flip off the teachers when they were writing, and you couldn't see.
当老师们写作的时候，她会激怒他们，而你却看不到。
And she wore nail polish.
而且她涂了指甲油。
And she claimed to do downstairs stuff with guys.
她还声称要和男人一起在楼下做事。
And she cursed.
她咒骂道。
And it was just amazing.
这真是太棒了。
I was like, oh my god, this is my chance.
我当时想，天哪，这是我的机会。
I'm going to be best friends with Candace Simms.
我将和坎迪斯·西姆斯成为最好的朋友。
This could happen.
这可能会发生。
I just need to be around her.
我只需要在她身边。
And I had a plan.
我有一个计划。
And so my mom was like, well, the plan was that you're going to go to this game.
所以我妈妈说，好吧，计划是你要去观看这场比赛。
Then you're going to come spend the night at my house.
那你就来我家过夜吧。
And then tomorrow, you're going to go to Shandy Castelary's pool party.
然后明天，你要去参加 Shandy Castelary 的泳池派对。
And so I was like, this is the dream.
所以我想，这就是梦想。
When you're 10, that's like an 8-ball worth of fun.
当你 10 岁的时候，这就像打 8 球一样有趣。
It doesn't get any better.
情况并没有好转。
So I go.
所以我走了。
And it becomes immediately clear that the motivations that we all had were very different.
很明显，我们所有人的动机都非常不同。
Mine was clear, make Candace my best friend.
我的很清楚，让坎迪斯成为我最好的朋友。
Jeanette was sort of constantly trying to find Mr. Can You Pay Half the Rent.
珍妮特一直在寻找“你能付一半房租吗”先生。
She was just an exhausted single mom.
她只是一个疲惫不堪的单亲妈妈。
She just wanted to get married.
她只是想结婚。
And then Ahmed was this guy from Iran, nice enough.
艾哈迈德就是这个来自伊朗的人，足够好。
The long con was probably like a green card marriage.
长期的骗局可能就像绿卡婚姻一样。
But the short con was definitely just [BLEEP] Jeanette, you know?
但这个简短的骗局绝对只是[BLEEP]珍妮特，你知道吗？
And he could not have hated us more.
他对我们恨之入骨。
He was so disinterested in me and Candace, which I don't totally blame him for.
他对我和坎迪斯如此不感兴趣，我并不完全责怪他。
Because every time he would be like, would you like a hot dog?
因为每次他都会问，你想吃热狗吗？
I would be like, yes, whereas Candace would be like, [BLEEP] you, Ahmed.
我会说，是的，而坎迪斯会说，[哔]你，艾哈迈德。
I [BLEEP] think you have AIDS.
我[哔]认为你患有艾滋病。
And we'd just be like holy [BLEEP], because I had never heard a little girl talk like that.
我们就会像神圣的[BLEEP]一样，因为我从来没有听过一个小女孩这样说话。
But she didn't have a lot of parenting.
但她并没有得到太多的养育。
It wasn't a two parent home.
这不是一个两亲之家。
So anyway, the mom was just sort of like, I could marry a pharmacist.
不管怎样，妈妈的想法是，我可以嫁给一名药剂师。
So she threw $20 at us.
于是她向我们扔了20美元。
And we left, and drank a bunch of soda and ate a bunch hot dogs and enjoyed the game.
然后我们离开了，喝了一堆苏打水，吃了一堆热狗，享受了这个游戏。
So we get back into Ahmed's car.
所以我们回到艾哈迈德的车里。
And we're driving home.
我们正在开车回家。
And I'm like, OK, Tuscon Toros were a bust.
我想，好吧，图森托罗斯是半身像。
But we got the sleep over.
但我们还是睡完了。
We got the pool party.
我们举办了泳池派对。
This is going to be awesome.
这将会非常棒。
And it becomes clear that Ahmed doesn't know how to get back to the apartment complex.
很明显，艾哈迈德不知道如何返回公寓大楼。
And so he starts going around and around.
于是他开始绕来绕去。
But Jeanette, being like the woman, doesn't want emasculate him.
但珍妮特和那个女人一样，不想阉割他。
So she doesn't give him directions.
所以她没有给他指路。
And then it just is clear that he's lost.
然后很明显他迷路了。
And he's frustrated.
他很沮丧。
And so from the back, Candace just starts doing this impression where it's like, I am Ahmed.
因此，从后面开始，坎迪斯就开始给人留下这样的印象：我是艾哈迈德。
I eat lentils.
我吃扁豆。
I don't know where I'm going.
我不知道我要去哪里。
That was her, by the way.
顺便说一下，那是她。
It was not me.
那不是我。
No offense to the Middle Eastern community.
无意冒犯中东社区。
And now I feel super bad for this poor guy.
现在我为这个可怜的家伙感到非常难过。
But when you're 10, that is the funniest [BLEEP] you've ever heard.
但当你 10 岁的时候，这是你听过的最有趣的[BLEEP]。
I could not stop laughing.
我忍不住笑了。
I laughed so hard.
我笑得很厉害。
And I was trying so badly to stifle it.
我非常努力地想要抑制它。
And I laughed so hard that I relieved 64 ounces of Pepsi all over Ahmed's Tercel.
我笑得太厉害了，以至于我把 64 盎司的百事可乐吐到了艾哈迈德的 Tercel 上。
And between the screaming and the impressions and Jeanette, nobody noticed.
在尖叫声、印象和珍妮特之间，没有人注意到。
It was nighttime.
当时是晚上。
And so I'm like, all right.
所以我想，好吧。
All right, this has happened.
好吧，这已经发生了。
And I was peeing-- it was like minutes.
我当时正在撒尿——就这样过了几分钟。
I mean, it was so long that I went on a journey.
我的意思是，时间太长了，我去旅行了。
I went from like shock to that ecstasy of how good it feels to pee to shame, and then back to the ecstasy, and then rounded out with some shame.
我从震惊到那种撒尿感觉有多好的狂喜到羞耻，然后又回到狂喜，最后带着一些羞耻结束了。
It was just so bad.
真是太糟糕了。
So I'm sitting there.
所以我坐在那里。
And I'm like, OK, hope is not lost.
我想，好吧，希望并没有消失。
I can make this work.
我可以做到这一点。
And so from the darkness, I'm like, oh no, Ahmed.
所以在黑暗中，我想，哦不，艾哈迈德。
I just spilled Pepsi on your car seat and my pants, like I was in some kind of commercial for a detergent that worked on clothing and upholstery.
我刚刚把百事可乐洒在了你的汽车座椅和裤子上，就像我在某种针对衣服和室内装潢的清洁剂的广告中一样。
And it just was bad.
这很糟糕。
I didn't have a cup.
我没有杯子。
I had no props to support my assertion.
我没有任何证据来支持我的主张。
He immediately called me out.
他立即叫我出去。
He flipped on the light.
他打开灯。
And he looked back while driving.
他一边开车一边回头看。
And he like flipped out, because he had been white knuckle driving this whole time.
他简直要发疯了，因为他一直在紧张地开车。
He'd kept it all in.
他把一切都保留在里面了。
And he was like, you pee in my car.
他说，你在我车里撒尿。
You pee in my car, you dirty American.
你在我车里撒尿，你这个肮脏的美国人。
And I was like, no I didn't.
我当时想，不，我没有。
No I didn't.
不，我没有。
He's like, you are a car-peer, in exactly the same accent that Candace had been doing like three minutes ago.
他说，你是个车友，口音和坎迪斯三分钟前的口音一模一样。
So I lose my [BLEEP] again.
所以我又失去了[BLEEP]。
And I'm laughing uncontrollably.
而我却情不自禁地笑了。
It's a tough break, guys.
伙计们，这是一个艰难的休息。
So he pulls into Christopher City.
于是他驶入克里斯托弗城。
I bolt to my mom's house.
我逃到妈妈家。
Obviously Candace is not spending the night.
显然坎迪斯不会过夜。
And the next morning, my mom is like, well you gotta go to this pool party.
第二天早上，我妈妈说，你得去参加这个泳池派对。
And I'm like, oh no. I am a car-peer.
我想，哦不。我是一个车友。
That is what I am.
这就是我。
Car-peers do not get to go to pool parties.
汽车同行不能参加泳池派对。
They stay home and die alone.
他们呆在家里，孤独地死去。
But my mom was like, well, I may plans.
但我妈妈说，好吧，我可以计划一下。
So you're going to this [BLEEP] party.
所以你要去参加这个[BLEEP]派对。
So I go.
所以我走了。
And I show up.
我出现了。
And I'm just like, this is my life.
我就想，这就是我的生活。
She's going to tell everybody.
她要告诉大家。
She's the popular girl at school.
她是学校里最受欢迎的女孩。
And I get there.
我到了那里。
And she comes up to me.
她向我走来。
And before I could say I'm sorry, she was like, that was amazing.
在我说对不起之前，她就说，这太棒了。
For her, it was like the most baller move I could do.
对她来说，这就像我能做的最出色的动作。
He freaking was sopping up for two hours.
他已经湿透了两个小时了。
Dude didn't get any play.
老子没戏了
And thanks to her hatred for Ahmed, I was only a car-peer for one night.
由于她对艾哈迈德的仇恨，我只当了一晚的车友。
So thank you.
所以谢谢你。
Sierra Teller-Ornelas is a TV writer in Los Angeles.
塞拉·特勒-奥内拉斯是洛杉矶的一名电视编剧。
Her performance was recorded at the LA Storytelling Series, Public School.
她的表演是在公立学校洛杉矶讲故事系列节目中录制的。
Their website publicschool.com.
他们的网站 publicschool.com。
It also aired on the CBC radio show WireTap with Jonathan Goldstein, which can be found at cbc.ca/wiretap.
它还在 Jonathan Goldstein 主持的 CBC 广播节目 WireTap 上播出，可在 cbc.ca/wiretap 上找到该节目。
ACT 3, Let's See How Fast This Baby Can Go?
第三幕，让我们看看这个宝宝能跑多快？
So let's close on this story about hitting the road and needing to hit the road for a straightforward, maybe even a traditional kind of reason, to change every single thing in your life.
因此，让我们结束这个关于上路的故事，以及需要为了一个简单的、甚至可能是传统的原因而上路的故事，以改变你生活中的每一件事。
This story is from Gloria Harrison.
这个故事来自格洛丽亚·哈里森。
I wake up before 7 o'clock on the morning of Tuesday, June 4, 1996.
1996 年 6 月 4 日星期二早上，我在 7 点之前起床。
And I know three things instantly.
我立即知道三件事。
I'm in labor.
我正在临产。
I have to return the car to that awful man.
我必须把车还给那个可怕的人。
And I have to go buy another car.
我还得去买另一辆车。
If I don't, I won't have any way to get myself to the hospital.
如果我不这样做，我就没有办法去医院。
I am 20 years old.
我今年20岁了。
The pain in my belly and lower back is intense.
我的腹部和腰部疼痛剧烈。
And I flop over onto my knees and bounce up and down, which wakes up my roommate, Tim, who sort of doubles as my boyfriend.
我跪倒在地，上下弹跳，这吵醒了我的室友蒂姆，他同时也是我的男朋友。
"I'm in labor," I tell him.
“我正在分娩，”我告诉他。
"Are you sure," he asks, having just spent the last week listening to me declare the same concern regularly.
“你确定吗？”他问道，上周他才经常听我表达同样的担忧。
Tim's on standby, as is my sister, Kim, who has a flight arranged from Kansas City.
蒂姆和我姐姐金都在待命，她已经安排了从堪萨斯城起飞的航班。
The moment she hears word that I'm at the hospital delivering, she will grab her packed luggage and the diaper bag she's had waiting probably since the moment I agreed to let her and her new husband adopt my child.
当她听到我在医院分娩的消息时，她就会拿起她收拾好的行李和尿布包，这可能是从我同意让她和她的新丈夫收养我的孩子那一刻起她就一直在等待的。
"Yes, I'm sure," I tell Tim.
“是的，我确定，”我告诉蒂姆。
"I'm going to go buy a car." He considers me through half opened eyes for a moment, says, "OK," then rolls back over and goes back to sleep.
“我要去买辆车。”他半睁着眼睛打量了我一会儿，说：“好吧。”然后翻身继续睡觉。
The first order of business is to return the used car that I picked up the day before.
第一件事就是归还我前一天收到的二手车。
My contractions are about 10 minutes apart.
我的宫缩间隔大约10分钟。
I discovered that I'd contracted an acute case of pregnancy within two weeks of moving to Albuquerque from Dallas, where I'd lived for the last five months.
我发现我在从达拉斯搬到阿尔伯克基后两周内就患上了严重的怀孕病例，过去我在达拉斯住了五个月。
I made the decision to place the baby up for adoption not long after, having found myself homeless and broke and with no one to turn to.
不久之后，我决定将孩子送人收养，因为我发现自己无家可归，身无分文，没有人可以求助。
I told my family that I wouldn't be keeping him.
我告诉家人我不会留下他。
And within a week, my sister Kim called and asked if she and her husband could adopt him.
一周之内，我姐姐金打电话询问她和她的丈夫是否可以收养他。
She was 22 and had been married for three weeks.
她当时 22 岁，结婚已经三周了。
"Of course," I said, relieved.
“当然，”我松了一口气。
Seven months later, I am no longer broke or homeless.
七个月后，我不再破产或无家可归。
On Christmas day, I walked into a fast food restaurant and told them I needed a job.
圣诞节那天，我走进一家快餐店，告诉他们我需要一份工作。
They hired me on the spot.
他们当场雇用了我。
I met Tim there.
我在那里遇见了蒂姆。
And he and I found an apartment together soon after.
不久之后我和他就一起找到了一套公寓。
Neither of us had a car.
我们俩都没有车。
A week ago, I received a large portion of a $50,000 insurance settlement in the mail, my in-pocket amount from a lawsuit that has been ongoing since I was 17.
一周前，我通过邮件收到了 50,000 美元的保险赔偿金中的很大一部分，这是我自 17 岁以来一直在进行的一场诉讼的口袋里的钱。
I had to see multiple insurance companies, including the one belonging to the drunk with the 0.28 blood alcohol level who had crashed into my foster family's van nearly three years before.
我不得不去看多家保险公司，其中包括一位血液酒精含量为 0.28 的醉汉的保险公司，他在大约三年前撞上了我寄养家庭的货车。
Three people died in the accident, which mangled the rest of us.
这次事故造成三人死亡，我们其他人也伤痕累累。
I've also had to sue my foster dad, who had collected an upfront check for $25,000, which was supposed to go for my medical care.
我还不得不起诉我的养父，他预收了 25,000 美元的支票，这笔钱本来应该用于我的医疗费用。
He kicked me out a week later, despite the fact that I was on a walker and had nowhere to go.
一周后，他把我赶了出去，尽管我当时需要助行器，无处可去。
We settled.
我们解决了。
And he had to pay back $15,000 of the money he'd taken.
他必须偿还他所拿走的 15,000 美元。
The money came out of his personal account.
钱是从他的个人账户里出来的。
When his check eventually arrived, the memo said, Gloria's blood money.
当他的支票最终到达时，备忘录上写着，那是格洛丽亚的血汗钱。
I received my money a week ago.
我一周前收到了钱。
And I still haven't bought a car.
而且我还没有买车。
All of the grown-ups in my life have an opinion about what kind of car I should drive.
我生命中所有的成年人都对我应该开什么样的车有意见。
And I'm scared and not confident in my ability to make a decision.
我很害怕，对自己做出决定的能力没有信心。
And I actually really don't care.
其实我真的不在乎。
I just want mobility.
我只想要机动性。
Last night, at the behest of Tim's stepdad, I went to a car lot that sells used rental cars.
昨晚，在蒂姆继父的要求下，我去了一家出售二手出租汽车的汽车停车场。
The slimy salesman delivered his spiel to Tim, not me, even though I made it clear that I was the one with the money.
那个狡猾的推销员把他的长篇大论讲给蒂姆听，而不是我，尽管我明确表示我才是有钱的人。
Still, he barely looked at me, and instead locked eyes with Tim while he explained the great benefits of buying this great car with low miles at this unbelievable price.
尽管如此，他几乎没有看我，而是与蒂姆对视，同时他解释了以令人难以置信的价格购买这辆低里程的伟大汽车的巨大好处。
I am not interested in this car.
我对这辆车不感兴趣。
And I told the salesman that.
我告诉了推销员。
"Tell you what," he said derisively, finally looking at me, "you just drive it home tonight, free of charge.
“告诉你吧，”他最后看着我，嘲讽地说，“你今晚就可以免费开车回家。
And think about it."
并考虑一下。”
Now I have this burdensome car to deal with before I can buy my Nissan, which is what I have wanted from the start.
现在我要处理这辆沉重的汽车，然后才能购买我的尼桑，这就是我从一开始就想要的。
Tim's stepdad was pushy and insistent about not buying a car new off the lot.
蒂姆的继父很固执，坚持不买新车。
And though I'm normally incapable of standing up for myself against aggressive men, I'm now currently in labor.
虽然我通常无法在对抗好斗的男人时为自己辩护，但我现在正在分娩。
And I feel a strength and self-composure I've never felt before.
我感受到了前所未有的力量和镇定。
I don't want this [BLEEP] rental car.
我不想要这辆 [BLEEP] 租赁汽车。
And I don't care who knows it.
我不在乎谁知道。
I drive the car over to the lot, which is conveniently located on the same boulevard as most of the car lots in town.
我把车开到停车场，该停车场与镇上大多数停车场位于同一条大道上，交通便利。
I walk into the office, find the swaggering salesman, hand him the keys, and tell him I have changed my mind.
我走进办公室，找到趾高气扬的推销员，把钥匙交给他，并告诉他我改变了主意。
His mouth drops open.
他的嘴张得大大的。
And incredulous, he frantically begins negotiating with me all over again.
他难以置信，疯狂地再次与我谈判。
He stands too close and speaks too loudly.
他站得太近，说话声音太大。
The contractions are coming more frequently now, perhaps seven minutes apart.
现在宫缩更加频繁，大约相隔七分钟。
And the urgency to take care of the business at hand fills me with confidence.
处理手头事务的紧迫感让我充满信心。
I tell him I have to go.
我告诉他我得走了。
I'm going down the street to the Nissan dealership to buy the car I wanted in the first place.
我要去街上的日产经销店购买我最初想要的汽车。
I begin walking off the lot.
我开始走出停车场。
And he shouts after me, "that car will lose $5,000 in value the second you drive it off the lot."
他在我身后喊道：“一旦你把车开出停车场，那辆车就会贬值 5,000 美元。”
By 9 o'clock, I'm walking the two blocks to Melloy Nissan, telling myself that walking is good for labor.
到了 9 点，我步行穿过两个街区来到梅洛伊尼桑 (Melloy Nissan)，告诉自己步行对分娩有好处。
I enter the building and look around.
我进入大楼并环顾四周。
I see a customer service window, walk up to it, and ask the representative, "Do you have a female salesperson?"
我看到一个客户服务窗口，走过去，问代表：“你们有女销售员吗？”
A few minutes later, Carolyn walks up.
几分钟后，卡罗琳走了过来。
I can tell right away that she's a nice lady.
我立刻就能看出她是一位好女士。
She makes eye contact with me, shakes my hand, and introduces herself.
她与我进行眼神交流，与我握手，并自我介绍。
"Looks like you're due pretty soon, huh?" she says, gesturing towards my massive midsection.
“看来你的预产期很快了，是吧？”她指着我巨大的腹部说道。
"Yes, today actually," I tell her "I'm in labor."
“是的，实际上今天，”我告诉她，“我正在分娩。”
Next thing I know, Carolyn is showing me my options.
接下来我知道的是，卡罗琳向我展示了我的选择。
I know that I want a Sentra.
我知道我想要一辆 Sentra。
And I don't want any bells and whistles, just the basic package.
我不想要任何花里胡哨的东西，只想要基本的包。
This makes the decision easy.
这使得决定变得容易。
There are only two cars that meet my desires.
能满足我愿望的车只有两辆。
And I just have to decide between teal and black.
我只需要在青色和黑色之间做出选择。
I'm leaning toward black.
我个人偏向黑色。
But Carolyn explains that black cars are harder to keep clean since dirt shows up on them so easily.
但卡罗琳解释说，黑色汽车更难保持清洁，因为污垢很容易出现在上面。
While we have this discussion, I am pacing in circles, holding my lower back and choo-chooing every few minutes.
当我们进行讨论时，我会绕圈踱步，每隔几分钟就抱住我的后背，发出“咕咕”的声音。
"Can I test drive it?" I ask.
“我可以试驾一下吗？”我问。
Carolyn looks and me, startled and uneasy.
卡罗琳和我一样，都感到震惊和不安。
"Sure," she says.
“当然，”她说。
And within three minutes, she has the keys.
三分钟之内，她就拿到了钥匙。
And we're on our way in the teal car.
我们正乘坐青色车上路。
We don't drive far.
我们开车不远。
And to be honest, I'm not even sure why I want to test drive the car, other than, like always, I'm preemptively explaining myself to the overlords in my head.
说实话，我什至不知道为什么要试驾这辆车，除了像往常一样，我先发制人地向脑海中的霸主解释自己。
Test driving is something I understand is a necessary step in the car buying process.
据我了解，试驾是买车过程中的必要步骤。
I know I'm buying this car.
我知道我要买这辆车。
And I know I would buy it even if Carolyn had said no to taking it for a spin.
我知道即使卡罗琳拒绝试一试我也会买它。
Carolyn tries to chat me up while we're driving, asking me about my pregnancy and the father.
当我们开车时，卡罗琳试图和我聊天，询问我怀孕的情况和父亲的情况。
"I'm putting it up for adoption," I tell her.
“我要把它送人收养，”我告诉她。
Carolyn talks to me about this for the duration of the drive.
卡罗琳在开车的过程中和我谈论了这件事。
And when I answer, my voice rises an octave each time I have a contraction.
当我回答时，每次宫缩时我的声音都会升高一个八度。
Next thing I know, Carolyn and I are in her office.
接下来我知道，卡罗琳和我在她的办公室里。
And there's paperwork in front of me.
我面前还有一份文件。
I have a checkbook to hold an account that holds nearly enough money to buy the car out right.
我有一本支票簿，里面有一个账户，里面的钱几乎足够买车了。
But Carolyn is trying to finance the whole amount.
但卡罗琳正在努力筹集全部资金。
She explains that if they take a personal check, they have to hold it for a week until it clears.
她解释说，如果他们接受个人支票，则必须保留一周，直到支票兑现。
And I won't get my car today.
我今天也拿不到车了。
My contractions are now about six minutes apart.
我的宫缩现在间隔大约六分钟。
And I know I have to get to the hospital.
我知道我必须去医院。
Banks are called.
银行被称为。
Documents are faxed.
文件通过传真发送。
A man comes in and tries to discuss floor mat options with me.
一个男人进来并试图与我讨论脚垫的选择。
I am highly agitated.
我非常激动。
And I stand up every few minutes to pace and pant.
我每隔几分钟就会站起来，踱步，喘气。
The frenzy of activity around me is intense.
我周围的活动非常激烈。
Suddenly all of the sales associates are in the room, each trying desperately to help the pregnant girl get the car bought before a head emerges from her vagina in the middle of the showroom floor.
突然间，所有的销售人员都聚集在房间里，每个人都在拼命地帮助怀孕的女孩买下汽车，以免一个头从她的阴道中出现在陈列室地板的中间。
Finally, my brain kicks into action.
终于，我的大脑开始行动了。
And I announce how it's going to be.
我会宣布事情会怎样。
I don't want to finance the whole amount.
我不想提供全部资金。
Even in my less than right mind, I know that 22% interest is a lot.
即使在我不太正常的头脑中，我也知道 22% 的利息已经很多了。
And I just want to pay for as much as I can right there.
我只想在那里支付尽可能多的费用。
I tell them all that I know it's against their policy to take a personal check.
我告诉他们所有人，我知道接受个人支票是违反他们的政策的。
But I need to get to the hospital.
但我需要去医院。
And if the check bounces, which it won't, they know where to find me.
如果支票被退回（实际上不会），他们知道在哪里可以找到我。
If they can't agree to this, then I'm just going to call a cab and come back another time.
如果他们不同意，那我就叫辆出租车，改天再来。
I tell the floor mat guy that I don't give a rip about my options.
我告诉铺地垫的人，我不会对我的选择表示不满。
I'll just take whichever mats come stock with the car.
我会选择汽车上库存的任何垫子。
And if I change my mind, I'll come back and upgrade later.
如果我改变主意，我会稍后再回来升级。
Within 20 minutes, Carolyn has her manager's approval to take my check.
20 分钟内，卡罗琳就获得了经理的批准，可以接受我的支票。
And my car is waiting in the front lot.
我的车就在前面的停车场等着。
Carolyn hands me my keys and tells me this is the quickest she's ever seen the car buying process happen in all her time in sales.
卡罗琳把钥匙递给我，并告诉我这是她从事销售工作以来见过的最快的购车流程。
One last thing, she says.
最后一件事，她说。
You have to go get insurance.
你必须去买保险。
I've already called a local agent, whose office is located two blocks away.
我已经打电话给当地的代理人，他的办公室位于两个街区之外。
She's waiting for you and has your paperwork ready to sign.
她正在等您，并已准备好您的文件供您签署。
I thank Carolyn.
我感谢卡罗琳。
And she wishes me good luck.
她祝我好运。
And I'm off.
我走了。
I drive to the insurance agents office, only vaguely aware that I am driving my first new car ever.
我开车去保险代理人办公室，只是模糊地意识到我正在驾驶我的第一辆新车。
My manic obsession to buy a car, to buy this car, is now overtaken by my manic obsession to get to the hospital.
我对买车、买这辆车的狂热痴迷现在被我对去医院的狂热痴迷所取代。
I'm not aware of it, but I need something tangible in place after I've had this baby that is fighting his way out of my body.
我没有意识到这一点，但在我生下这个正在挣扎着离开我身体的婴儿后，我需要一些有形的东西。
I'm not yet aware that after he leaves, I'll transfer all of my maternal love onto this car, that this car will literally help me run away from all the [BLEEP] I've been through and am going through.
我还不知道在他离开后，我会把我所有的母爱转移到这辆车上，这辆车会真正帮助我逃离我已经经历过和正在经历的所有[BLEEP]。
I don't know it yet, but the freedom this car will bring me will help put 130,000 miles of distance between the me that I've been and the me that I will become.
我还不知道，但这辆车给我带来的自由将有助于拉近过去的我和未来的我之间 130,000 英里的距离。
I don't know it yet, but tomorrow the nurse will bring newborn Dylan into my hospital room right after Kim calls to announce that her flight has landed and she's on her way.
我还不知道，但明天，在金打电话宣布她的航班已经降落并且即将上路后，护士将把刚出生的迪伦带进我的病房。
Dylan will come in.
迪伦会进来。
And I will look down at him.
而我会低头看着他。
And I will cry.
我会哭。
I will tell him, I'm so very sorry that I couldn't keep him, but that I'm positive that I've found a surrogate who's just right, and that I know he'll be loved.
我会告诉他，我很抱歉没能留下他，但我确信我找到了一个合适的代孕妈妈，而且我知道他会被爱。
I will tell him that I love him, that I will always love him.
我会告诉他我爱他，我会永远爱他。
I also don't know yet that I will stare at him so long that my nipples will start tingling.
我还不知道我会盯着他看太久，以至于我的乳头会开始刺痛。
I will have an almost crippling need to pick him up and place him to my breast and let him nurse.
我会强烈地需要把他抱起来，放在我的胸前，让他吃奶。
Just for a second, I'll tell myself.
就一会儿，我会告诉自己。
But the moment I start to reach out, the exact moment, my sister will come walking in.
但当我开始伸出手的那一刻，就在那一刻，我的妹妹就会走进来。
And instead of picking Dylan up to breastfeed him, I will pick him up and hand him to his mom.
我不会抱起迪伦来给他喂奶，而是抱起他并把他交给他的妈妈。
And then-- then I will begin driving.
然后——然后我就开始开车。
Gloria Harrison from Portland, Oregon.
格洛丽亚·哈里森来自俄勒冈州波特兰。
A version of her essay first appeared on the website The Nervous Breakdown.
她的文章的一个版本首先出现在“神经崩溃”网站上。
That's thenervousbreakdown.com.
那是thenervousbreakdown.com。
[MUSIC -- "I FOUND MY WAY" BY DUSTY SPRINGFIELD]
[音乐——达斯蒂·斯普林菲尔德的《我找到了我的路》]
Gloria Harrison in Portland, Oregon.
格洛丽亚·哈里森，俄勒冈州波特兰市。
A first of her essay first appeared on the website The Nervous Breakdown.
她的第一篇文章首次出现在“神经崩溃”网站上。
That's thenervousbreakdown.com.
那是thenervousbreakdown.com。
[MUSIC -- "I FOUND MY WAY" BY DUSTY SPRINGFIELD]
[音乐——达斯蒂·斯普林菲尔德的《我找到了我的路》]
I eat lentils.
我吃扁豆。
I don't know where I'm going.
我不知道我要去哪里。
I eat lentils.
我吃扁豆。
I don't know where I'm going.
我不知道我要去哪里。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of this American life.
下周我们将带来更多有关美国生活的故事。
[MUSIC -- "THUNDER ROAD" BY BONNIE "PRINCE" BILLY AND TORTOISE]
[音乐——邦妮“王子”比利和乌龟的“雷霆之路”]
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。