472: Our Friend David - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #472 | August 11, 2017 472: Our Friend David Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 472 集 | 2017 年 8 月 11 日 472：我们的朋友大卫 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass One of the first times I met David Rakoff-- this is before he started writing stories for the radio-- he invited me to sit in the window of a department store with him.
序言：序言 艾拉·格拉斯 我第一次见到大卫·拉科夫时——那是在他开始为广播写故事之前——他邀请我和他一起坐在一家百货公司的橱窗里。
He was playing Sigmund Freud in a Christmas display window at Barney's, and he was seeing patients in the window.
他在巴尼百货公司的圣诞橱窗里扮演西格蒙德·弗洛伊德，并在橱窗里看到病人。
David sat in a chair.
大卫坐在椅子上。
I lay on a couch.
我躺在沙发上。
My mom was the therapist.
我妈妈是治疗师。
David's dad was a psychiatrist.
大卫的父亲是一位精神科医生。
We'd both been therapy patients ourselves at some point or another.
我们自己都曾在某个时刻接受过治疗。
And so it was easy for us to play this simulacrum of psychiatry with each other.
所以我们很容易互相玩这个精神病学模拟游戏。
I don't remember what we talked about.
我不记得我们聊了什么。
It was so long ago.
那是很久以前的事了。
But I remember very clearly the feeling of it.
但当时的感觉我记得很清楚。
David, gently asking leading general questions like a real therapist would-- how are things going?
大卫，像真正的治疗师一样温和地询问一般性问题——事情进展如何？
Why do you think you said that?
你认为你为什么这么说？
It was easy to talk to him.
和他交谈很容易。
And unlike the real Sigmund Freud, he offered advice.
与真正的西格蒙德·弗洛伊德不同，他提供了建议。
And it was surprisingly cozy.
而且出奇的舒适。
Though one wall of the room that we were in was this plate glass window that faced Madison Avenue, the space was narrow and cocoon-like.
虽然我们所在房间的一堵墙是面朝麦迪逊大道的平板玻璃窗，但空间却很狭窄，像茧一样。
The muffled street noise that leaked through the window made it feel more womb-like if anything.
从窗户漏进来的低沉的街道噪音让这里感觉更像子宫。
People on the street couldn't hear what we said to each other.
街上的人听不到我们彼此说的话。
So it was both public and intimate.
所以它既是公开的又是私密的。
I left feeling close to him.
我离开时感觉和他很亲近。
I left wishing we could do it again.
我离开时希望我们能再做一次。
And we did, in a way.
在某种程度上，我们做到了。
Nearly everything he ever made for our radio show was a personal act, made in close collaboration for public consumption, performed behind a plate glass window of one kind or another.
他为我们的广播节目所做的几乎所有事情都是个人行为，是为了公众消费而密切合作的，在这样或那样的平板玻璃窗后面表演。
This week marks the fifth anniversary of his death.
本周是他逝世五周年纪念日。
He'd been on This American Life 25 times.
他已经上《美国生活》25 次了。
The first time was in 1996, just two months after we went on the air.
第一次是在 1996 年，也就是我们开播两个月后。
The last was just three weeks before he died.
最后一次是在他去世前三周。
He travelled with the show when we took it on the road and on tour.
当我们在路上和巡回演出时，他随演出一起旅行。
When the staff and some favorite contributors all had our testosterone levels tested as a stunt for an episode in 2002, David, to everybody's surprise including his, was the one with the highest testosterone.
2002 年，当工作人员和一些最喜欢的贡献者都测试我们的睾酮水平作为一集的特技时，令包括他在内的所有人惊讶的是，大卫是睾酮水平最高的人。
When my mom died in 2003, and for the first time we had a guest host fill in for me, David was the guest host.
2003 年我妈妈去世时，我们第一次请了一位客座主持人来代替我，大卫是客座主持人。
Because of that, I have a recording of him handling this next bit of business I need to do.
因此，我有他处理我需要做的下一项业务的录音。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》。
I'm David Rakoff.
我是大卫·拉考夫。
Stay with us, won't you?
留在我们身边，好吗？
Today, those of us who make this radio show have the pleasure of bringing you an hour of stories by our friend, David Rakoff.
今天，我们这些制作这个广播节目的人很高兴为您带来我们的朋友大卫·拉科夫的一个小时的故事。
This is the show we made and broadcast back when he died to remember him by.
这是我们在他去世时制作并播出的节目，以纪念他。
David helped invent and define what our radio show is.
大卫帮助发明并定义了我们的广播节目。
And he was just a great writer-- lucid and funny and mean and big-hearted.
他是一位伟大的作家——清晰、有趣、刻薄、心胸宽广。
He was that way in conversation, too.
他在谈话中也是这样。
In thinking about what stories to put on today's program, I realized that David has been on the program so often that we have stories covering most of the different phases in his life.
在考虑今天的节目中要放哪些故事时，我意识到大卫经常出现在节目中，以至于我们的故事涵盖了他一生中的大部分不同阶段。
We could actually line up the essays in an order and tell his life story.
我们实际上可以按顺序排列文章并讲述他的人生故事。
And we're going to do that, at least for a bit here.
我们将这样做，至少在这里暂时这样做。
As you'll hear, it is not a story with big dramatic turns and surprises.
正如您将听到的，这不是一个充满戏剧性转折和惊喜的故事。
But like the old saying goes, great stories happen to those who can tell them.
但正如那句老话所说，伟大的故事发生在那些会讲故事的人身上。
These are very, very fun to listen to.
这些听起来非常非常有趣。
So, David was born in Canada.
所以，大卫出生在加拿大。
He talked about Canada and his Canadianness with me in an interview back in 1997, the third time he appeared on our radio program.
1997 年，他第三次出现在我们的广播节目中，在一次采访中与我谈论了加拿大和他的加拿大特质。
He said that, actually, from the day that he arrived in New York City for college as a teenager, he didn't want to seem Canadian.
他说，实际上，从他十几岁到达纽约上大学的那天起，他就不想让自己看起来像加拿大人。
He wanted to pass as a New Yorker.
他想冒充纽约人。
My tactics were to adopt a certain kind of world-weary, jaded, anxious neuroticism.
我的策略是采取某种厌世、厌倦、焦虑的神经质。
And it was taken on as a cosmetic mantle at the beginning until such time as, you know, you simply can't pull the mask off your face.
一开始它被当作一种化妆品，直到你知道，你根本无法把面具从脸上撕下来。
Oh my god, it's stuck!
天哪，卡住了！
But there you are, years later, a jaded, affectless, neurotic, disenchanted, sad person.
但多年后，你却变成了一个疲惫不堪、冷漠、神经质、失望、悲伤的人。
I'm told that Canadians tend to know who else is Canadian, you know, who's famous.
有人告诉我，加拿大人往往知道谁是加拿大人，谁是名人。
All the time, everything.
一直以来，一切。
And that, to me, is chemical.
对我来说，这是化学的。
You know, there are the easy ones, you know, Kate Nelligan, Hume Cronyn, Cowboy Junkies, Monty Hall.
你知道，有一些简单的，你知道的，凯特·内利根、休姆·克罗宁、牛仔迷、蒙蒂·霍尔。
Monty Hall.
蒙蒂·霍尔。
Ira Glass The host of Let's Make a Deal?
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 《让我们做个交易吧？》的主持人
Yeah.
是的。
Live and learn, huh?
一边生活一边学习，对吧？
Ira Glass Who could be more American than the host of Let's Make a Deal?
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 谁能比《让我们做个交易》的主持人更加美国化呢？
Even the name, Let's Make a Deal.
就连名字，我们来做个交易吧。
And yet, remember Monty only facilitated the deals.
然而，请记住蒙蒂只是促进了交易。
Who else?
还有谁？
David Rakoff Glenn Ford, John Kenneth Galbraith.
大卫·拉考夫、格伦·福特、约翰·肯尼思·加尔布雷思。
But here's the thing about knowing who's Canadian.
但这是关于了解谁是加拿大人的事情。
I mean, there is a woman named Shania Twain.
我是说，有一个女人叫仙妮亚·唐恩。
She is Canadian.
她是加拿大人。
I know that she's Canadian.
我知道她是加拿大人。
I do not know who the hell Shania Twain is.
我不知道仙妮亚·唐恩到底是谁。
I don't know what she does.
我不知道她在做什么。
And yet, for some reason, I know that she's famous in America and that she's Canadian.
然而，出于某种原因，我知道她在美国很有名，而且她是加拿大人。
How did this come up?
这是怎么想到的？
Did your parents talk to you about it?
你父母有跟你谈过这件事吗？
I literally don't know.
我真的不知道。
I feel there's a chip in my head.
我感觉我脑子里有一块芯片。
How do these things enter my brain?
这些东西是如何进入我的大脑的？
I don't even think so, you know?
我什至不这么认为，你知道吗？
I just think it comes in off the breeze or on a cold front.
我只是认为它来自微风或冷锋。
And I know.
我知道。
I just know in my heart who's Canadian.
我心里清楚谁是加拿大人。
It's so strange.
太奇怪了。
And of course, you know, the arm on your space shuttle--
当然，你知道，航天飞机上的手臂——
I'm sorry?
对不起？
David Rakoff The arm on your space shuttle, for making interstellar repairs.
大卫·拉科夫 航天飞机上的手臂，用于进行星际维修。
In Canada, the space shuttle was referred to as--
在加拿大，航天飞机被称为——
The American space shuttle with its Canadian-built arm.
美国航天飞机及其加拿大制造的手臂。
[LAUGHS] David Rakoff Never any other way, as in the American space shuttle with its Canadian-built arm blew up today.
[笑] David Rakoff 没有其他办法，就像美国航天飞机的加拿大制造的手臂今天爆炸一样。
No, well, I was actually here at the time, but the Canadian-built arm gets a lot of air play.
不，好吧，我当时实际上就在这里，但是加拿大制造的手臂有很多空气运动。
Not down here, huh?
不在这里，是吗？
In fact, if you were to ask most Canadians, what do you think the space shuttle is for, they'd say, oh, you know, to go up and move stuff around in space-- with an arm.
事实上，如果你问大多数加拿大人，你认为航天飞机的用途是什么，他们会说，哦，你知道，用手臂在太空中移动物体。
And so when a Canadian finds out that some figure is Canadian, what happens in their heart?
那么当一个加拿大人发现某个人物是加拿大人时，他们的心里会发生什么？
Oh, well, your heart does a little bit of-- a certain special Canadians chamber opens up and enfolds that name, and you keep it.
哦，好吧，你的心做了一点——某个特殊的加拿大室打开并包围了那个名字，然后你保留它。
Or if you mention a Canadian, a famous Canadian, in conversation to a Canadian without acknowledging it, there's a vague flicker over their eyes like the shadow of an angel's wing passing.
或者，如果你在与一个加拿大人交谈时提到一个加拿大人，一个著名的加拿大人，但没有承认，他们的眼睛里就会有一种模糊的闪烁，就像天使翅膀的影子掠过。
And then the conversation will go on and on, and then just as an after thought they'll say, oh, you know, he's Canadian, by the way.
然后谈话会一直持续下去，然后他们会说，哦，你知道，顺便说一句，他是加拿大人。
You know, of course it's all you've been waiting to say the entire conversation.
你知道，当然，这就是你一直在等待说出整个谈话的一切。
You would actually say at some point, you know he's Canadian?
你实际上会在某个时候说，你知道他是加拿大人吗？
I wouldn't even-- not even at some point, Ira.
我什至不会——甚至在某些时候也不会，艾拉。
Let's try it.
我们来试试吧。
Go on.
继续。
You start.
你开始吧。
All right.
好的。
So anyway, I was in the car on my way to work.
所以无论如何，我在上班的路上坐在车里。
And that song from Bachman-Turner Overdrive--
还有巴赫曼-特纳 Overdrive 的那首歌——
That's how I do it.
我就是这么做的。
I don't even wait.
我什至不等。
I don't even wait.
我什至不等。
There are other bits of his childhood that David wrote about over the years.
多年来，大卫还写下了他童年的其他一些事情。
In 1998 on our program, he talked about this incident from high school that was a big turning point for him.
1998年，他在我们的节目中谈到了高中时的这件事，这对他来说是一个很大的转折点。
At the time, he was part of a Zionist socialist group in Toronto, very idealistic about Israel.
当时，他是多伦多犹太复国主义社会主义团体的成员，对以色列非常理想化。
They would meet every week and at 15, go live on a collective farm, a kibbutz, in Israel for the summer.
他们每周都会见面，15 岁时，去以色列的一个集体农场（基布兹）过夏天。
There we would meet other members of the movement from all over the world and spend many a happy hour engaged in honest labor, sing Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young songs, and if one's older siblings were any indication, lose our virginity.
在那里，我们会遇到来自世界各地的运动的其他成员，并度过许多快乐的时光，从事诚实的劳动，唱克罗斯比、斯蒂尔斯、纳什和杨的歌曲，如果有人的哥哥姐姐有任何迹象，我们就会失去童贞。
From the start, David did not do well working in the fields.
从一开始，大卫在田里干的活就不好。
He suffered heat stroke.
他中暑了。
And then one day came, David recalled, the boys were informed that they would be doing a special work detail that night that was going to begin at midnight and that no girls would be accompanying them.
大卫回忆说，有一天，男孩们被告知，他们将在那天晚上做一项特殊的工作，该工作将于午夜开始，并且没有女孩陪伴他们。
It was going to be men's work, men only.
这将是男人的工作，而且仅限于男人。
So after 11:00 they gathered, and they were driven to the farm's chicken house.
于是11:00之后他们集合了，然后被赶到了农场的鸡舍。
The chicken coup of the kibbutz was a one-storied structure of corrugated iron, about half the size of a football field.
基布兹的“鸡政变”是一座由波纹铁皮制成的单层建筑，大约有半个足球场那么大。
It emitted a low rumbling, a vague buzz that you could hear from far away.
它发出低沉的隆隆声，一种模糊的嗡嗡声，你从很远的地方就能听到。
And of course, from even farther away, there was the smell.
当然，从更远的地方也能闻到这种气味。
Chicken [BLEEP] is an olfactory insult, a snarling saw-toothed ammoniac cheesy smell, needlessly gratuitously disgusting.
鸡[BLEEP]是一种嗅觉侮辱，一种咆哮的锯齿状氨奶酪味，毫无必要地令人厌恶。
Rather than making you never want to eat a chicken again, it simply makes you angry.
它不会让你再也不想吃鸡，而只会让你生气。
It makes you hold a grudge.
这会让你记恨。
You'll eat chicken again, by god, and you'll chew really, really hard.
天啊，你又会吃鸡肉了，而且你会非常非常用力地咀嚼。
One of the barrel-chested Israelis shows us what to do.
一位胸肌发达的以色列人向我们展示了该怎么做。
Pick up four chickens in each hand.
每只手拿起四只鸡。
This is done by grabbing hold of the birds by one leg.
这是通过用一条腿抓住鸟儿来完成的。
"If the leg snaps," he says, "it doesn't matter.
“如果腿折断了，”他说，“也没关系。
Just to get four in each hand.
只是为了每手拿四个。
So there." he says.
那么就在那里。”他说。
"OK?"
“好的？”
He faces us, holding the requisite eight, four in each hand, living messes of writhing feathers.
他面向我们，手里拿着必要的八个，每只手上有四个，羽毛乱七八糟地扭动着。
He looks like some German expressionist cheerleader, his pompoms alive, convulsing, filthy.
他看起来就像某个德国表现主义拉拉队队长，他的绒球充满活力，抽搐，肮脏。
"Who will see their dreams fall away into the abyss and eventually succumb to the crushing sadness and meaninglessness of it all?
“谁会看到自己的梦想坠入深渊，最终屈服于令人心碎的悲伤和毫无意义的一切？
We will.
我们会的。
And what does that spell?
这意味着什么？
Madness!
疯狂！
Louder!
大声点！
I can't hear you!"
我听不到你说话！”
He crams the chickens roughly into a blue plastic crate, smeared with wet guano.
他把鸡粗暴地塞进一个蓝色塑料板条箱里，上面涂满了湿鸟粪。
"And you close the lid, and chick-chuck," he tells us, clapping his hands with "that's that" finality.
“然后你盖上盖子，小鸡，”他告诉我们，并拍着手表示“就是这样”。
Before I even try, I know that I will not be able to do this.
在我尝试之前，我就知道我无法做到这一点。
It is midnight, and we will be here until dawn or until the truck is piled to capacity with crated birds.
现在是午夜，我们将在这里直到天亮，或者直到卡车装满了板条箱里的鸟。
I walk out into the sea of chickens.
我走进鸡海。
I reached down and grab one, its leg a slightly thicker segmented chopstick.
我伸手抓起一个，它的腿是一根稍粗的分段筷子。
I recoil and stand up.
我退缩并站起来。
I take a fetid breath, regroup, and bend down with new resolve, grab the chicken by its body with both hands, thinking, somehow, that might be preferable.
我吸了一口恶臭的气息，重新振作起来，带着新的决心弯下腰，用双手抓住鸡的身体，心想，不知何故，这样可能更好。
Although, how I think I'm going to get eight of them this way, I'm not sure.
不过，我不确定如何才能以这种方式得到八个。
Its ribs expand and contract under my fingers, a dirty, warm, live umbrella.
它的伞骨在我的手指下膨胀和收缩，就像一把肮脏、温暖、活跃的雨伞。
I drop the bird as if it were boiling hot.
我把鸟扔了下去，就像它被烫烫了一样。
I leave the coop and go out to the trucks.
我离开鸡舍，走向卡车。
Hoisting myself up onto the flat bed, I start to help with the stacking of the full crates.
我把自己爬到平床上，开始帮忙堆放装满的板条箱。
I know that my unilateral decision to change my task is met with displeasure on the part of the men who run the coop, but I do not care.
我知道我单方面改变任务的决定会引起鸡舍经营者的不满，但我不在乎。
Their muttered comments are predicated on a direct poultry-penile relationship.
他们的低声评论是基于家禽与阴茎的直接关系。
I might as well have spurned the stag party whore or gone to the wood shop and fashion myself a sign that said "fag."
我还不如抛弃单身派对的妓女，或者去木工店给自己做一个写着“同性恋”的牌子。
"[INAUDIBLE], what's the matter with him?" the head of the work detail asks when he sees me on the truck.
“[听不清]，他怎么了？”当工作细节的负责人看到我在卡车上时，他问道。
[SPEAKING HEBREW], he is answered, using the female pronoun when referring to me.
[说希伯来语]，他在提到我时使用了女性代词。
"The lady doesn't like the chickens."
“这位女士不喜欢鸡。”
It would be years before I was referred to as "she" again, and then very rarely and only as a joke by friends.
过了好几年，我才再次被称为“她”，然后很少，只是朋友们开玩笑。
I turn around to look at the men, making it quite clear to them that I understand what they're saying.
我转身看着那些人，让他们清楚地知道我明白他们在说什么。
The man who called me "she" avoids my eyes and busies himself was straightening a pile of crates and tightening the tarpaulin on the side of the truck.
那个叫我“她”的男人避开了我的目光，忙着整理一堆板条箱，拉紧卡车侧面的防水布。
"You're right," I tell him in Hebrew, "she doesn't like the chickens."
“你是对的，”我用希伯来语告诉他，“她不喜欢鸡。”
Have you ever had one of those moments when you know that you're being visited by your own future?
你是否曾经经历过这样的时刻：你知道自己的未来正在拜访你？
They come so rarely and with so little fanfare, those moments.
这些时刻很少出现，也很少大张旗鼓。
They're not particularly photogenic.
它们并不是特别上镜。
There no breach in the clouds to reveal the shining city on a hill-- no folk dancing children outside your bus, no production values to speak of, just a glimpse of such quotidian incontrovertible truth that, after the initial shock at the supreme weirdness of it all, a kind of calm sets in.
云层中没有任何缝隙，可以显露出山上闪亮的城市——公共汽车外没有跳民间舞蹈的孩子，没有可言的制作价值，只是瞥见了这样一个司空见惯、不容置疑的事实，在对这一切极其怪异的最初震惊之后，一种平静开始了。
So this is to be my life?
那么这就是我的生活吗？
At that very moment, I saw that I would never live on a kibbutz.
就在那一刻，我意识到我永远不会生活在基布兹。
I would not lose my virginity that summer to any of the girls from the group.
那年夏天我不会把我的童贞给这个团体中的任何一个女孩。
Indeed, I would not care to do so.
确实，我不愿意这样做。
I am grateful to that macho blowhard.
我很感激那个大男子主义的吹牛者。
He made me consciously realize what I had always known but been somehow unable to say to myself.
他让我有意识地意识到我一直都知道但不知何故无法对自己说出来的事情。
He's right.
他是对的。
I don't like chickens.
我不喜欢鸡。
I like men.
我喜欢男人。
Now I live in Manhattan, the un-kibbutz, where nobody would dream of touching a live chicken, where whatever spirit of collectivist altruism people might have had dried up long ago.
现在我住在曼哈顿，一个非基布兹的地方，没有人会梦想碰一只活鸡，那里的人们的集体主义利他主义精神早已枯竭。
At camp when I was young, I and the other children of affluent professionals would gather under the trees every day to sing before going into lunch.
当我年轻的时候，在露营时，我和其他富裕专业人士的孩子每天都会在吃午餐前聚集在树下唱歌。
One of the songs was always "The Internationale," the hymn of the proletariat.
其中一首歌总是《国际歌》，无产阶级的赞歌。
One summer, we were even taught to sing it with our left fists raised.
有一年夏天，我们甚至被教举起左拳来唱这首歌。
We were none of us, by any stretch of the imagination, what could be described as prisoners of starvation, wretched of the earth or enthralled slaves.
不管怎么想，我们都不是饥饿的囚徒、地球上的不幸者或着迷的奴隶。
Admittedly, they are all catchier metaphors and easier to scan than "arise, you children of psychiatrists." But they had little to nothing to do with us personally.
诚然，它们都是比“起来，你们精神病学家的孩子”更吸引人的隐喻，也更容易浏览。但他们与我们个人几乎没有任何关系。
And yet, for those few moments when we were singing, those words seemed so true.
然而，在我们唱歌的那几分钟里，这些话似乎是那么真实。
How can I describe to you that 11-year-old's sense of purpose?
我该如何向你描述这个11岁孩子的使命感呢？
That thrill of belonging to something larger, something outside of my own body?
那种属于更大的东西、属于我自己身体之外的东西的兴奋感？
The sheer heart-stopping beauty of a world of justice and perfection arising on new foundations?
在新的基础上出现的正义与完美的世界，纯粹的令人心碎的美丽？
And that one line-- "We have been naught.
还有那句话——“我们一无所有。
We shall be all." Naught-- it spoke as much about my wish to be delivered from this pre-adolescent self-loathing as it did to any consciousness of liberating the masses.
我们将成为一切。”没什么——它既表达了我从这种青春期前的自我厌恶中解脱出来的愿望，也表达了任何解放群众的意识。
But it held such promise of what I might hope for that even now as I write this, I can still call up that old fervor.
但它承载着我所希望的希望，即使是现在，当我写下这篇文章时，我仍然可以唤起那种古老的热情。
It still makes my breath catch in my throat.
它仍然让我的呼吸卡在喉咙里。
You're listening to This American Life.
您正在听《美国生活》。
We're hearing stories by David Rakoff.
我们正在听大卫·拉科夫的故事。
So, David goes to college at 17.
所以，大卫 17 岁上了大学。
He has an incredible ear for mimicry.
他对模仿有着令人难以置信的耳朵。
He has a real gift for languages.
他具有真正的语言天赋。
He majors in Japanese at school.
他在学校主修日语。
He told me once that was because it was the hardest language he could find.
有一次他告诉我那是因为这是他能找到的最难的语言。
After graduating, he moves to Japan.
毕业后，他移居日本。
He moves to Japan, gets a job.
他搬到日本，找到工作。
It's 1986.
现在是 1986 年。
And in this office job, David was convinced that he understood something about their business in this office that no one else in the office could see.
在这份办公室工作中，大卫确信他了解办公室里其他人看不到的有关他们业务的一些信息。
Primarily the office was an advertising agency.
该办公室主要是一家广告公司。
But what they were setting up was this thing for expatriates who were living in Tokyo at the time or perhaps all of Japan.
但他们正在为当时居住在东京或全日本的外籍人士设立这个项目。
And it was like a network on a computer.
它就像计算机上的网络。
And they would set up a newsletter on the network.
他们会在网络上发布时事通讯。
And people could, quote, "log on to the computer and talk to one another or do research." And I was just-- I don't know.
人们可以引用“登录到计算机并相互交谈或进行研究”。我只是——我不知道。
I just looked around the room, and I saw these computers and could only think, like, what kind of loser would log onto a computer, talk to someone.
我环顾房间，看到这些电脑，只能想，什么样的失败者会登录电脑，与某人交谈。
And in fact, that night in my diary, I had written something like, this is like those comic book enthusiasts who actually read the little instructions at the bottom of the panel that said, you know, "for more on the Green Goblin, check out Spidey number 137," you know, from the editor.
事实上，那天晚上我在日记中写了类似的话，就像那些漫画书爱好者实际上阅读了面板底部的小说明，上面写着，你知道，“有关绿魔的更多信息，请查看编辑的第 137 号蜘蛛侠”。
And in almost the only moment of decisiveness in my entire adult life-- I've certainly never equaled this-- I went in the next morning, and I quit.
在我整个成年生活中几乎唯一一个果断的时刻——我当然从来没有达到过这一点——第二天早上我去了，然后就辞职了。
And all I could think was like, sayonara, suckers!
我所能想到的就是，再见，傻瓜！
You know, good luck with your network.
你知道，祝你的网络好运。
And we know exactly what the network was.
我们确切地知道网络是什么。
It was the internet.
这是互联网。
I have a negative capacity to identify trends.
我识别趋势的能力为负。
Like, when in college I went to see Madonna, at Danceteria, which was a club downtown, like 1982 or whatever.
比如，当我上大学的时候，我去 Danceteria 去看麦当娜，那是市中心的一个俱乐部，比如 1982 年之类的。
And I thought, boy is she lousy!
我想，天啊，她真是太糟糕了！
Are there examples besides Madonna and the internet?
除了麦当娜和互联网之外还有其他例子吗？
Other than Madonna and the internet, you need another example?
除了麦当娜和互联网之外，你还需要另一个例子吗？
When I was an editorial assistant working in publishing, I was handed a manuscript to read.
当我在出版业担任编辑助理时，有人递给我一份手稿供我阅读。
I think I wrote something like "subliterate, borderline misogyny, an easy pass." And somebody thought, I'm just going to take a look at this anyway.
我想我写了类似“隐晦的、边缘化的厌女症、简单的通行证”之类的东西。有人想，无论如何我都要看看这个。
It was Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
这是《男人来自火星，女人来自金星》。
[LAUGHS] David Rakoff These are not like me saying like, I don't think Alicia Silverstone is going to be very good in Clueless.
[笑]大卫·拉科夫 这些不像我说的那样，我不认为艾丽西亚·席尔维斯通在《独领风骚》中表现得不会很好。
I mean, these are like, you know--
我的意思是，这些就像，你知道——
Pretty big, iconic ones.
相当大，标志性的。
David Rakoff Yeah.
大卫·拉考夫 是的。
It was like, have you fellas heard that crazy lunatic in the marketplace inveighing against the Pharisees?
就像，你们听说过市场上那个疯狂的疯子对法利赛人的猛烈攻击吗？
He'll burn off like so much morning fog.
他会像晨雾一样燃烧殆尽。
We'll never hear about him ever-- you know, it's just like that.
我们永远不会听到他的消息——你知道，事情就是这样。
So David's living in Japan.
大卫住在日本。
And he's only there for two or three months in this new life that he's made for himself when he gets cancer for the first time.
当他第一次患上癌症时，他为自己创造的新生活只持续了两三个月。
Hodgkin's lymphoma, he's 22.
霍奇金淋巴瘤，22 岁。
He flies home to Canada for treatment, radiation, then chemo, takes over a year before he'll be well again.
他飞回加拿大接受治疗、放疗，然后进行化疗，需要一年多的时间才能康复。
There's a story that David wrote years ago.
大卫多年前写过一个故事。
And just a few days after he died, I listened back to it.
他死后几天，我又听了一遍。
I hadn't heard it since the year 2000 when we first broadcast it.
自从2000年我们第一次播出以来我就没再听过它。
David was 35 when this aired.
该节目播出时大卫 35 岁。
In the story, he was looking back on this first experience that he had with cancer, back in his 20s.
在故事中，他回顾了 20 多岁时第一次患癌症的经历。
He was treated at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto.
他在多伦多玛格丽特公主医院接受治疗。
And there's this scene in the story where he describes what it was like to go there and get treatment.
故事中有这样一个场景，他描述了去那里接受治疗的感觉。
The radiation room itself is a lead-lined interior chamber of the hospital.
放射室本身是医院的一个内衬铅的房间。
Two red laser beams cross over the exact center of the table where the patients lie.
两束红色激光束穿过患者所躺的手术台正中央。
Using the cross of four small black tattoos on my torso, the technicians line me up and ready me for the thousands of rads of radiation.
技术人员利用我躯干上四个黑色小纹身的十字架，将我排成一行，让我做好承受数千拉德辐射的准备。
The machine is bulbous, huge, and a dull hospital green, a death ray straight out of '50s sci-fi.
这台机器呈球状，巨大，呈暗淡的医院绿色，就像是五十年代科幻小说中的死亡射线。
I lie down and look up.
我躺下，抬起头来。
Above my head, directly at eye level, someone has drawn a hastily rendered happy face in magic marker.
在我的头顶上方，与眼睛齐平的位置，有人用魔法笔画了一张匆忙渲染的笑脸。
Underneath that is written the message, "Give us a smile." Like Rita Hayworth's picture that graced the side of the atom bomb they dropped on Bikini Atoll, there's something so pathetic, so vastly outmatched about this little happy face.
下面写着这样的信息：“给我们一个微笑。”就像丽塔·海华斯 (Rita Hayworth) 为他们在比基尼环礁投下的原子弹侧面增光添彩的照片一样，这张幸福的小脸有一种如此可悲、如此巨大的无法比拟的东西。
It is like putting a garnish on annihilation.
这就像给毁灭加上装饰。
Still, I never fail to smile.
尽管如此，我还是忍不住微笑。
Even when I reach the point in the treatments when most of my hair has fallen out and my throat has been burnt to such an extent that I cannot swallow, I smile.
即使当我的治疗已经到了大部分头发都脱落、喉咙被灼伤到无法吞咽的程度时，我还是微笑着。
They haven't stopped at the happy face either.
他们也没有停留在幸福的脸上。
Every time the lead door closes, latching with a booming clank, so too begins the music-- the same song every time, the same place in the same song every time.
每当铅门关闭时，伴随着一声隆隆的叮当声，音乐也开始响起——每次都是同一首歌，每次都是同一首歌的同一个地方。
The full horn section buildup of the chorus to the song, "You're Just Too Good to Be True." The plutonium drops down into the central cone.
歌曲副歌“You’re Just Too Good to Be True”的完整喇叭部分。钚落入中心锥体。
A warm wind starts to blow on my chest, indicating that I'm now getting the equivalent of a lifetime's worth of the recommended dose of gamma radiation.
一股暖风开始吹过我的胸口，这表明我现在正在接受相当于一生推荐剂量的伽马辐射。
And I smile.
我微笑着。
Two decades later, when cancer returned and killed him, the tumor was in that very same spot where the radiation had shot into him in that room in Princess Margaret Hospital.
二十年后，当癌症复发并杀死他时，肿瘤就在玛格丽特公主医院那个房间里放射线射入他的同一位置。
David had what's known as a post-radiation sarcoma.
大卫患有所谓的放射后肉瘤。
That's not what he's writing about in this essay, though.
但这不是他在这篇文章中所写的内容。
He's writing in this essay about how he remembered that period of his life, and specifically how numb he was whenever he thought about that period of his life, how he usually shrugged it off as no big deal, his long, first trial with cancer.
他在这篇文章中写的是他如何记得那段人生，特别是每当他想到那段人生时，他是多么麻木，他通常如何耸耸肩，认为这没什么大不了的，他漫长的第一次癌症试验。
"It has only recently occurred to me," he wrote, "that perhaps I might stop glibly insisting that the cancer wasn't real and that the doctors popped me into an Easy Bake Oven where a 40-watt light bulb halted the metastasis in its tracks." David said that looking back, he felt completely detached from the fear or the relief that somebody might feel in remembering this kind of medical slow motion, near-death experience.
“我最近才想到，”他写道，“也许我可以不再喋喋不休地坚称癌症不是真的，医生把我放进简易烘烤炉，里面有一个 40 瓦的灯泡阻止了转移。”大卫说，回想起来，他感觉完全脱离了人们在回忆这种医学慢动作、濒临死亡的经历时可能感受到的恐惧或宽慰。
And he described revisiting the old hospital years later, this place that was so important in his life, that saved his life, and just going back there and feeling nothing.
他描述了多年后重访老医院的经历，这个地方在他的生命中非常重要，拯救了他的生命，但回到那里却没有任何感觉。
And then he launches into this passage, which is just intensely personal.
然后他开始讲这段非常个人化的段落。
They say that times of crisis are the true test of one's character.
人们说，危机时刻才是对一个人品格的真正考验。
I really wouldn't know, since my character took a powder that year, leaving in its stead a jewel-bright hardness.
我真的不知道，因为那一年我的角色服用了粉末，取而代之的是宝石般明亮的硬度。
I was at my very cleverest that year, and airless, relentless kind of quippiness.
那一年我是最聪明的，而且有一种无情、无情的俏皮。
Every time a complex human emotion threatened to break the surface of my consciousness, out would come a joke.
每当一种复杂的人类情感威胁到我的意识表面时，就会出现一个笑话。
Come on, give us a smile.
来吧，给我们一个微笑。
I was Thanatosis' rodeo clown-- I still am-- and Eros' as well, as it turns out.
事实证明，我是塔纳托斯斯的牛仔竞技小丑——现在仍然是——也是厄洛斯的小丑。
Years later, in a tender embrace in bed with my first real boyfriend, he said my name.
多年后，当我和第一个真正的男朋友在床上温柔地拥抱时，他说出了我的名字。
"Oh, David." I stopped, sat up and responded in my best Ed Wynn-- "Yes?" This kind of behavior, essentially, killed things between us.
“哦，大卫。”我停下来，坐起来，用我最好的艾德·韦恩回答——“是吗？”这种行为本质上是破坏了我们之间的关系。
There was a period during the illness when I was at my very sickest, at 115 pounds, hovering in and out of consciousness.
患病期间有一段时间我病情最严重，体重115磅，时而昏迷不醒。
This month and a half was the one period in my life when I was not faking it, where I was not deflecting every emotion with repartee.
这一个半月是我一生中唯一一个没有假装的时期，没有用妙语连珠来转移每一种情绪。
That it would take millions of cancer cells lining up for their big Esther Williams finale in my lymphatic system for me to finally shut up is sobering-- or would be, were I to think about it, which of course I choose not to.
需要数以百万计的癌细胞在我的淋巴系统中排队等候埃丝特·威廉姆斯的大结局，我才能最终闭嘴，这一点发人深省——或者说，如果我考虑一下的话，我当然选择不去考虑。
What remains of your past if you didn't allow yourself to feel it when it happened?
如果当事情发生时你不允许自己去感受它，那么你的过去还剩下什么？
If you don't have your experiences in the moment, if you gloss them over with jokes or zoom past them, you end up with curiously dispassionate memories, procedural and depopulated.
如果你没有当下的经历，如果你用笑话来掩盖它们或忽略它们，你最终会得到奇怪的冷静的记忆，程序性的和稀疏的。
It's as if a neutron bomb went off, and all you're left with are hospital corridors.
就好像一颗中子弹爆炸了，剩下的只是医院的走廊。
David returned to this thought, that cleverness can substitute for intimacy, in a few pieces of writing.
大卫在几篇著作中又回到了这个想法，即聪明可以取代亲密。
It's in his book Half Empty.
这是他的书《半空》中的内容。
It came up memorably in the interview that David did with Terry Gross on Fresh Air about that book.
令人难忘的是，大卫在《新鲜空气》节目中接受特里·格罗斯采访时提到了这本书。
In your chapter about your therapist, you have a great description of yourself when describing your thoughts after telling the therapist that you're going to stop seeing him.
在关于你的治疗师的章节中，你在告诉治疗师你将不再见到他后描述你的想法时，对自己进行了很好的描述。
And I'd like you to read that for us.
我希望你为我们读一下。
Yes.
是的。
This is when he-- I'm not talking about terminating.
这是他的时候——我不是在谈论终止。
I seem to be avoiding the topic.
我似乎在回避这个话题。
And finally he stops me one day.
终于有一天他阻止了我。
I'm ranting about, I think, human rights in China or something like that.
我认为我是在抱怨中国的人权或类似的事情。
And he finally says, you know, look, we've got to talk about you terminating.
最后他说，你知道，听着，我们得谈谈你终止合同的事。
This is a big thing.
这是一件大事。
"Turning things around, I asked him what his feelings were about our ending things.
“扭转局面，我问他对我们的结局有何感想。
'I'm incredibly angry,' he responded fondly.
“我非常生气，”他深情地回答道。
'How dare you.
‘你怎么敢。
You should at least have to come and have coffee with me once a week.' I asked if he felt this way about most of his patients.
你至少应该每周来和我一起喝一次咖啡。”我问他是否对大多数病人有这种感觉。
'Not really,' he responded.
“不完全是，”他回答道。
Sigh.
叹息。
Should you happen to be possessed of a certain verbal acuity coupled with a relentless hair-trigger humor and surface cheer spackling over a chronic melancholia and loneliness, a grotesquely caricatured version of your deepest self which you trot out at the slightest provocation to endearing and glib comic effect, thus rendering you the kind of fellow who is beloved by all yet loved by none, all of it to distract, however, fleetingly from the cold and dead-faced truth that with each passing year you face the unavoidable certainty of a solitary future in which you will perish one day while vainly attempting the Heimlich maneuver on yourself over the back of a kitchen chair, then this confirmation that you have triumphed again and managed to gull yet another mark-- except this time it was the one person you'd hoped might be immune to your ever-creakier puddle shallow sideshow barker variation on adorable-- even though you'd been launching this campaign weekly with a single-minded concentration from day one.
如果你碰巧拥有一定的言语敏锐度，加上无情的一触即发的幽默和表面上的欢乐，掩盖了长期的忧郁和孤独，你最深层的自我的怪诞讽刺版本，你在最轻微的挑衅下小跑，以达到讨人喜欢和油嘴滑舌的喜剧效果，从而使你成为那种受到所有人爱戴却无人爱戴的人，然而，所有这些都会让你暂时从寒冷和孤独中分心。面无表情的事实是，随着时间的推移，你不可避免地面临着一个孤独的未来，有一天你会在厨房椅背上徒劳地尝试对自己进行海姆立克急救法时死去，然后这证实你再次取得了胜利，并成功地又取得了一个分数——除了这一次，你希望的那个人可能不会受到你越来越脆弱的水坑浅杂耍吠叫变体的可爱——即使你一直在发射从第一天起，每周都会全神贯注地开展这项活动。
Well, it conjures up feelings that are best described as mixed, to say the least.
好吧，至少可以说，它会让人产生一种最能形容为复杂的感觉。
I just want to point out, since our listeners don't have a copy of your book in front of them, that most of that reading was one sentence, [LAUGHS] that one very well-balanced juggling act there.
我只是想指出，由于我们的听众面前没有你的书，所以大部分阅读内容都是一句话，[笑]这是一个非常平衡的杂耍行为。
So I just want to ask you, did you consciously intend to keep that one sentence?
所以我只想问你，你有意识地打算保留这句话吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah, it felt-- well, I like a little ranty sandwich of a sentence or a lasagna of a sentence or a mille-feuille of a sentence, to be perfectly homosexual about the metaphor.
是的，感觉——嗯，我喜欢一个句子的小三明治或一个句子的烤宽面条或一个句子的千层面，对这个隐喻来说是完全同性恋的。
[LAUGHS] David Rakoff I like things that build in that way with semicolons and em dashes and things like that.
[笑] David Rakoff 我喜欢用分号和破折号之类的方式构建的东西。
Do you think of yourself as somebody who is the kind of fellow who is beloved by all yet loved by none?
你是否认为自己是那种受到所有人爱戴却无人爱戴的人？
We're verging into territory that's a little too personal, so let me just say--
我们即将进入有点过于个人化的领域，所以让我说——
That's fine.
没关系。
OK.
好的。
David Rakoff Yes, I do.
大卫·拉考夫 是的，我愿意。
[LAUGHS] OK.
[笑]好的。
We'll leave it there, I suppose.
我想我们会把它留在那里。
Yes, I guess so.
是的，我想是的。
Ira Glass If you're just tuning in, it's This American Life.
Ira Glass 如果您刚刚收听，请收听《This American Life》。
Today we're remembering David Rakoff.
今天我们纪念大卫·拉科夫。
When David was 23, after recovering from Hodgkin's lymphoma, all he wanted to do was move to New York City.
大卫 23 岁时，霍奇金淋巴瘤康复后，他只想搬到纽约市。
He arrived in the city, got low-level jobs in the publishing industry-- first at a literary agency, then at a publisher.
他来到这座城市，在出版业找到了一份低级工作——先是在一家文学机构，然后在一家出版商。
He wanted to write, but he didn't write.
他想写，但他没有写。
Instead, he was an assistant.
相反，他是一名助理。
David later wrote about this for a show that we performed at a town hall in New York City for the fifth anniversary of our program.
大卫后来在我们在纽约市政厅表演的节目中写到了这一点，以纪念我们的项目五周年。
He said assistants like him did the same work as the professional secretaries but got paid a lot less with the thought that they were climbing the ladder to real publishing jobs.
他说，像他这样的助理所做的工作与专业秘书相同，但工资要低得多，因为他们认为他们正在攀登真正的出版工作。
He said they were miserable.
他说他们很悲惨。
They hated the work.
他们讨厌这份工作。
They resented the menial tasks they had to do.
他们憎恨自己必须做的琐事。
And they drank, a lot.
他们喝了很多酒。
Our drunkenness was twofold.
我们的醉酒是双重的。
First, there was the liquor.
首先是酒。
But there was also the intoxication brought on by the self-aggrandizing conviction that we happy few, we cheery booze hounds, were the new incarnations of that most mythic bunch of souses, the Algonquin Round Table.
但也有一种自我夸大的信念带来的陶醉，即我们这些幸福的少数人，我们快乐的酒鬼，是那群最神秘的酒鬼——阿尔冈昆圆桌会议的新化身。
This pipe dream sustained not just us but I suspect countless other tables of publishing menials all over town.
这个白日梦不仅支撑着我们，而且我怀疑全城无数其他出版业的仆人也支撑着这个梦想。
So desperate were we to assume the mantle of Parker, Benchley, and their ilk that we weren't going to let some silly thing like a dearth of wit or the complete absence of a body of work on any of our parts deter us.
我们如此迫切地想要继承帕克、本奇利和他们的同类的衣钵，以至于我们不会让一些愚蠢的事情（比如缺乏智慧或在我们的任何部分完全缺乏工作）阻止我们。
With enough $4 drinks sloshing through our veins, even the most dunderheaded schoolyard japery qualified as coruscating repartee.
当我们的血管里流淌着足够多的 4 美元饮料时，即使是最愚蠢的校园花言巧语也能成为焕发活力的妙语连珠。
"What do you want?" a riposte might begin, "a medal or a chest to pin it on?" "Oh, touche!" we cried merrily as a clutched our martinis.
“你想要什么？”可能会开始反击，“一枚奖章还是一个用来钉它的箱子？” “噢，碰碰！”我们抓着马提尼酒高兴地哭了。
Paying the bill, we stumbled out into the street and back to our apartments, where we spent the rest of the night jealously reading the manuscripts of those who actually wrote and didn't just drink about it.
付完帐后，我们跌跌撞撞地走到街上，回到我们的公寓，我们在那里度过了余下的夜晚，嫉妒地阅读那些真正写作的人的手稿，而不仅仅是喝酒。
This period in David's life pops up in other things that he wrote.
大卫一生中的这段时期也出现在他所写的其他作品中。
For years, I've had this recording of him on my computer at work reading another essay on stage about his 20s.
多年来，我的电脑上一直保存着他在工作时在台上阅读另一篇关于他 20 多岁的文章的录音。
And now and then, we've actually considered it for this theme or that theme on the radio show.
有时，我们实际上已经在广播节目中考虑过这个主题或那个主题。
And it's one of those stories that never ended up on the air.
这是从未播出过的故事之一。
I think mostly because the beginning of the essay is about the Broadway musical Rent.
我想主要是因为这篇文章的开头是关于百老汇音乐剧《吉屋出租》的。
You remember Rent?
你还记得《租金》吗？
OK, so Rent closed years ago, and so it just-- it was hard to put on the air, this piece, because it just seemed weird to pick a fight with a hit Broadway show that had closed and nobody was talking about any more anyway, you know?
好吧，《出租屋》几年前就关门了，所以这首曲子很难播出，因为与一部已经结束的百老汇热门剧目挑衅似乎很奇怪，反正没人再谈论了，你知道吗？
But it's this great piece of writing and one of my favorite recordings of David.
但这是一篇伟大的作品，也是我最喜欢的大卫录音之一。
A warning to our podcast and streaming audiences, on the radio, we beep a few words and actually eliminate a sentence or two that here on the internet we are not going to beep and that we're going to restore.
向我们的播客和流媒体观众发出警告，在广播中，我们会发出嘟嘟声，实际上会删除一两句话，在互联网上我们不会发出嘟嘟声，并且我们将恢复。
So some of this might be the kind of thing you don't want your children to hear.
因此，其中有些内容可能是您不希望您的孩子听到的内容。
There are 525,600 minutes in a year.
一年有 525,600 分钟。
I learned that from watching Rent.
我是从《出租》中了解到这一点的。
From watching Rent, I also learned that the best way to mark the passing of these 525,600 minutes would be to measure them out into something Jonathan Larson, the writer of the musical, called seasons of love.
通过观看《吉屋出租》，我还了解到，纪念这 525,600 分钟过去的最好方法是将其衡量为音乐剧作家乔纳森·拉尔森（Jonathan Larson）所谓的爱情季节。
What does that even mean, seasons of love?
爱情的季节是什么意思？
In Rent, the characters live out their seasons of love in huge lofts.
在《吉屋出租》中，角色们在巨大的阁楼里度过了他们的爱情季节。
Some of them have AIDS, which is coincidentally also the name of a dreaded global pandemic that is still raging and has killed millions of people worldwide.
他们中的一些人患有艾滋病，巧合的是，艾滋病也是一种可怕的全球流行病的名称，这种流行病仍在肆虐，并已在全世界造成数百万人死亡。
In Rent, however, AIDS seems to be a disease that renders one cuter and cuter.
然而，在《吉屋出租》中，艾滋病似乎是一种使人变得越来越可爱的疾病。
The characters are artists, creative types.
人物是艺术家、创意类型。
They have tatterdemalion clothes.
他们的衣服破烂不堪。
Some of them are homosexual, and the ones who aren't homosexual don't even seem to mind.
他们中有些人是同性恋，而那些非同性恋者似乎并不介意。
They screen their calls.
他们会筛选自己的电话。
And when it is their parents, they roll their eyes.
当是他们的父母时，他们就会翻白眼。
They hate their parents.
他们讨厌他们的父母。
They're never going back to Larchmont, no way.
他们永远不会回到拉奇蒙特，绝对不可能。
They will stay here living in their 2,000 square feet of picturesque poverty being sexually free and creative.
他们将留在这片 2,000 平方英尺的风景如画的贫困中，享受性自由和创造力。
Here's some ways to broadcast creativity in a movie.
以下是在电影中传播创造力的一些方法。
Start plinking out a tune on a piano.
开始在钢琴上弹奏一首曲子。
Scratch a few notes on some music paper.
在乐谱纸上写下一些音符。
Plink some more.
再敲几下。
Suddenly crash both hand down on the keyboard, then bring them quickly up to your head and grab the hair on your temples screaming, it won't work!
突然双手按在键盘上，然后迅速举到头上，抓住太阳穴的头发尖叫，不行！
Or sit at a typewriter, reading the page you've just written, realize that it's shit and tear it from the platen, and toss it behind you.
或者坐在打字机前，阅读你刚刚写下的一页，意识到它很糟糕，然后把它从打字机上撕下来，然后扔到身后。
Cut to waste paper basket overflowing with crumpled paper.
切成满是皱巴巴的纸的废纸篓。
Here's what they do in Rent to show that they are creative.
以下是他们在《出租》中所做的事情，以显示他们的创造力。
Nothing-- they do nothing.
什么都不做——他们什么也不做。
They hang out.
他们出去玩。
And hanging out can be marvelous.
出去玩可能会很棒。
But hanging out does not make you an artist.
但闲逛并不能让你成为一名艺术家。
A secondhand wardrobe does not make you an artist.
二手衣柜并不能让你成为艺术家。
Neither do a hair-trigger temper, melancholic nature, propensity for tears, hating your parents, nor even HIV-- I hate to say it-- none of these can make you an artist.
一触即发的脾气、忧郁的性格、爱流泪的倾向、憎恨父母，甚至艾滋病毒——我不想这么说——这些都不能让你成为一名艺术家。
They can help.
他们可以提供帮助。
But just as being gay does not make one witty-- you can suck a mile of cock.
但正如同性恋并不能使人变得机智一样——你可以吮吸一英里的鸡鸡。
It does not make you Oscar Wilde.
它不会让你成为奥斯卡·王尔德。
Believe me.
相信我。
I know.
我知道。
I have tried.
我已经尝试过了。
The only thing that makes you an artist is making art.
唯一让你成为艺术家的就是创作艺术。
And that takes the opposite of hanging out.
这与闲逛相反。
So when they sing the anthem of the show-- that's a lie, really.
所以当他们唱节目的赞歌时——那是一个谎言，真的。
Every song in the show is an anthem delivered with adolescent earnestness.
节目中的每一首歌都是一首充满青春热忱的赞歌。
It's like being trapped in the pages of a teenager's diary.
这就像被困在青少年的日记中一样。
So when they sing the title anthem of the show, "We're not gonna pay this year's rent" followed by kind of barked cheer of "rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, rent," my only question is, well, why aren't you going to pay this year's rent?
因此，当他们唱起节目的主打歌“我们不会支付今年的房租”，然后是“租金，租金，租金，租金，租金，租金，租金”的欢呼声时，我唯一的问题是，好吧，你为什么不支付今年的租金？
It seems that they're not going to pay this year's rent because rent is for losers and uncreative types.
他们似乎不会支付今年的房租，因为房租是为失败者和缺乏创造力的人准备的。
Rent is for suits.
租金是西装。
By contrast, they have the last bastion of artistic purity.
相比之下，他们拥有艺术纯粹性的最后堡垒。
They have not sold out, and yet their brilliance goes unacknowledged, so fuck you, yuppie scum!
他们还没有卖完，但他们的才华却无人知晓，所以去你的，雅皮士败类！
I know what it's like to feel angry and ignored.
我知道生气和被忽视是什么感觉。
I lived in Brooklyn a long time ago about a block away from a prison.
很久以前我住在布鲁克林，离监狱只有一个街区。
During the day, the neighborhood bustled with lawyers, judges, criminals, bail bondsman, private detectives.
白天，这个街区挤满了律师、法官、罪犯、保释担保人和私家侦探。
I lived on a block in a little two-story building that had once been a coach house in the 19th century.
我住在一个街区的一栋两层小楼里，这座楼在 19 世纪曾是马车房。
And the basement had a red dirt floor.
地下室的地板是红色的泥土。
On the ground floor below me was an office that did what exactly, resumes?
在我下面的一楼有一个办公室，它到底做什么，简历？
I can't remember.
我不记得了。
What I do remember is the man whose office it was.
我只记得办公室里的那个人。
Raul was knee-buckingly handsome.
劳尔非常英俊。
If my life had been different like, I don't know, if I were like a hot girl with a driver's license, I could have put on a tube top and gone outside to wash my car in slow motion or something, but alas.
如果我的生活有所不同，我不知道，如果我像一个有驾照的辣妹，我本可以穿上抹胸，到外面以慢动作洗车之类的，但可惜。
Once during the day-- it must have been the weekend because I was at home-- I could hear Raul having sex in the office downstairs.
有一次白天——肯定是周末，因为我在家——我能听到劳尔在楼下的办公室做爱。
I skittered around my apartment like a cockroach on a frying pan, trying not to make any noise while desperately looking for a knot hole in the crappy floorboards.
我像煎锅上的蟑螂一样在我的公寓里爬来爬去，一边拼命在破烂的地板上寻找一个结孔，一边努力不发出任何声音。
Eventually, I just laid down flat against the tile of the kitchen floor, listening.
最后，我只是平躺在厨房地板的瓷砖上，听着。
Lying flat against the tile on my kitchen floor listening to someone else have sex is essentially in my 20s in a nutshell.
平躺在厨房地板上的瓷砖上听别人做爱，简而言之，我基本上已经二十多岁了。
I was robbed in that neighborhood twice.
我在那个街区被抢劫了两次。
And there were days when it hardly seemed worth it to live in a horrible part of town just so that I could go daily to a stupid, soul-crushing, low-paying job.
有时候，为了每天从事一份愚蠢的、令人心碎的、低薪的工作，住在城里一个可怕的地方似乎不值得。
Especially since as deeply as I yearned to be creative, for years and years I was too scared to even try, so I did nothing.
特别是尽管我深深地渴望发挥创造力，但多年来我都不敢尝试，所以我什么也没做。
But here's something that I did do-- I paid my fucking rent.
但我确实做了一件事——我付了他妈的房租。
Ira Glass David Rakoff.
艾拉·格拉斯·大卫·拉考夫。
Coming up, how to give the winning toast at a wedding that you should not be at in the first place.
接下来，如何在您本来不应该参加的婚礼上祝酒。
More stories from David Rakoff in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio, when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续时，芝加哥公共广播电台将提供更多大卫·拉考夫的故事。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
It's the fifth anniversary of the death of our friend and contributor David Rakoff.
今天是我们的朋友兼撰稿人大卫·拉科夫 (David Rakoff) 去世五周年。
And if you're just tuning in, we're replaying the program that we made five years ago remembering him, with stories that he did on our show plus a few other things.
如果您刚刚收听，我们正在重播五年前为纪念他而制作的节目，其中包括他在我们的节目中讲述的故事以及其他一些内容。
This court is in session.
本法庭正在开庭。
Ira Glass David's very first appearance on our program in 1996 was in a radio drama written in rhyming couplets by David Sedaris.
Ira Glass David 于 1996 年首次出现在我们的节目中，是在 David Sedaris 用押韵对句编写的广播剧中。
It was about a courtroom where animals come to resolve conflicts.
这是关于动物来到法庭解决冲突的故事。
David Rakoff played a cat, a cat who was also the prosecuting attorney in the courtroom.
大卫·拉科夫饰演一只猫，一只猫同时也是法庭上的检察官。
Your honor, destruction's no small misdemeanor.
法官大人，破坏可不是小罪。
The accused here is vicious.
这里的被告是恶毒的。
We should quarantine her.
我们应该隔离她。
Now, I plan to prove beyond reasonable doubt that Kathleen the Spaniel engaged in a bout of senseless destruction.
现在，我计划毫无疑问地证明西班牙猎犬凯瑟琳进行了一场毫无意义的破坏。
Coincidentally, Rakoff's very last appearance on our program was also a radio drama in rhymed couplets, something that Rakoff wrote four years ago for the CBC radio show WireTap.
巧合的是，拉考夫最后一次出现在我们的节目中也是一部押韵对句广播剧，这是拉考夫四年前为 CBC 广播节目 WireTap 写的。
In this thing, he played Dr. Seuss in a correspondence with Gregor Samsa, a man who found himself turning into a cockroach.
在这部电影中，他在与发现自己变成蟑螂的格雷戈尔·萨姆萨的通信中扮演了苏斯博士。
This weird premise, if you heard this, led to some surprisingly affecting moments.
如果你听到这个奇怪的前提，就会导致一些令人惊讶的感人时刻。
I'm astonished at times when I think of the past of my thousands of rhymes of how life is so vast.
当我想起过去的数千首关于生命如此广阔的韵律时，我有时会感到惊讶。
I'm left, then, to wonder how anyone gleans a purpose or sense of what anything means.
那么，我想知道人们是如何收集任何事物的目的或意义的。
It's not ours for the knowing, its meaning abstruse.
它不是我们所知道的，它的意义是深奥的。
We'd both best be going.
我们最好都走。
Your loving friend, Seuss.
你亲爱的朋友，苏斯。
In fact, David's been doing lots of rhyming lately.
事实上，大卫最近一直在押韵。
A month before he died, he finished his last book, which is a story told entirely in rhymed couplets called Love, Dishonor, Marry, Die, Cherish, Perish-- A Novel by David Rakoff.
在他去世前一个月，他完成了最后一本书，这是一个完全用押韵对句讲述的故事，名为《爱、耻辱、结婚、死亡、珍惜、灭亡——大卫·拉科夫的小说》。
Since last May when David performed a dance for the live show that we did, he's been saying that he didn't expect to live past August.
自从去年五月大卫为我们的现场表演表演舞蹈以来，他一直说他没想到能活过八月。
And his goal was to finish the book by then.
他的目标是到那时完成这本书。
And he said a number of times that he really, really wanted to record the audiobook as well.
他多次表示他真的非常想录制有声读物。
And so to get that done quickly enough, he came into the studio here at our show, and I recorded him.
为了足够快地完成这件事，他来到我们演出的录音室，我给他录了音。
And there was one section that was just hard to listen to him read.
其中有一节很难听他读。
He has one of his characters, Cliff, die of AIDS.
他的角色之一克里夫死于艾滋病。
And David was dying of cancer as he wrote this section.
当大卫写这一部分时，他正因癌症濒临死亡。
And in this section, he tries to capture some of what that experience is like.
在本节中，他试图捕捉这种体验的一些感受。
What a difference a day makes.
一天的变化有多大啊。
Now times that by 20.
现在乘以 20。
Clifford was hollow, a horn of unplenty.
克利福德很空虚，是一个贫乏的角。
Tipping the scales at 115 at most, he was more bone than flesh now and less man then ghost.
最多将天平倾斜到115，他现在更像是骨头而不是肉体，而不是人而不是鬼。
OK, a word about this recording.
好的，关于这段录音，简单说一下。
David was obviously weak, and the disease had spread to his lungs, which affected his breathing.
大卫明显很虚弱，而且疾病已经扩散到肺部，影响了他的呼吸。
In this part of the story, Cliff is coming to grips with the certainty that he is on a countdown to his end.
在故事的这一部分，克里夫开始意识到他的生命已经进入倒计时。
It was sadness that gripped him far more than the fear that if facing the truth he had maybe a year.
悲伤比恐惧更让他着迷，如果面对现实，他可能会面临一年的痛苦。
When poetic phrases like "eyes look your last" become true, all you want is to stay, to hold fast.
当“眼睛看着你的最后”这样的诗句成为现实时，你想要的就是留下来，紧紧抓住。
A new fierce attachment to all of this world now pierced him.
现在，一种对这个世界的新的强烈依恋刺痛了他。
It stabbed like a deity-hurled lightning bolt lancing him, sent from above, left him giddy and tearful.
它就像一道神灵投掷的闪电，从上方射来，刺向他，让他头晕目眩，泪流满面。
It felt like young love.
感觉就像年轻的爱情。
He'd thought of himself as uniquely proficient at seeing.
他认为自己在视觉方面拥有独特的天赋。
But now that sense felt insufficient.
但现在感觉这种感觉还不够。
He wanted to grab, to possess, to devour, to eat with his eyes, how he needed that power.
他想要夺取，想要占有，想要吞噬，想要用眼睛来吃，他多么需要那种力量。
Just like a child whose big gun is a stick, Cliff was now harmless.
就像一个大枪是棍子的孩子一样，克里夫现在已经无害了。
He'd gotten too sick to take any action beyond rudimentary routines that had shrunk to the most elementary.
他病得太重了，除了最基本的例行公事之外，无法采取任何行动。
Which pill to take now and where is your sweater?
现在该吃哪种药？你的毛衣在哪里？
Did the Imodium make you feel better?
易蒙停让您感觉好点了吗？
Study your [BLEEP] to make sure you'd not bled.
检查您的 [BLEEP] 以确保您没有流血。
Make sure the Kleenex is next to the bed.
确保面巾纸位于床边。
Make sure.
确保。
Be prepared.
做好准备。
Plan out every endeavor.
计划好每一项努力。
Like a scout on the stupidest camping trip ever.
就像有史以来最愚蠢的露营旅行中的侦察兵一样。
The facts were now harder, reality colder, his parasol no match for this falling boulder.
现在事实更加严峻，现实更加冰冷，他的阳伞根本无法与这块坠落的巨石相抗衡。
And so the concern with the trivial issues, slippers nearby and the proximate tissues.
因此，我们要关心一些琐碎的问题，比如附近的拖鞋和附近的纸巾。
He thought of those two things in life that don't vary well, thought only glancingly, more was too scary.
他想到生活中那两件事不太一样，只是一闪而过，多了就太可怕了。
Inevitable, why even bother to test it.
这是不可避免的，为什么还要费力去测试呢。
He'd paid all his taxes, so that left, you guessed it.
他已经缴纳了所有税款，所以剩下的，你猜对了。
I have to say I worry a little bit that the mix of stories that we've chosen for today's program gives a misimpression.
我不得不说，我有点担心我们为今天的节目选择的故事组合会给人留下错误的印象。
It makes David seem like more of a loner than he really was.
这让大卫看起来比实际上更孤独。
Yes, he was partly a loner, but he was partly just the opposite, with dozens of friends and people who loved him.
是的，他在一定程度上是一个孤独的人，但在一定程度上他又恰恰相反，有几十个朋友和爱他的人。
And that last story was just way too sad to end our program with today, so one more story now.
最后一个故事太悲伤了，无法结束我们今天的节目，所以现在再讲一个故事。
This last one is a favorite.
最后一张是我最喜欢的。
It was first on the radio show in 2009.
它于2009年首次在广播节目中播出。
An expanded version appears in his new book.
他的新书中出现了扩展版本。
Here's the 2009 version.
这是2009年的版本。
Nathan, at one of the outlying tables, his feet tangled up in the disk jockeys cables, surveyed the room as unseen as a ghost, while he mulled over what he might say for his toast.
内森坐在最外围的一张桌子旁，双脚被唱片骑师的电缆缠住，他像幽灵一样看不见地环视着整个房间，同时思考着自己在祝酒时要说些什么。
That the couple had asked him for this benediction seemed at odds with them parking him here by the kitchen.
这对夫妇向他请求这一祝福似乎与他们把他停在厨房旁边的说法不一致。
That he'd shown up at all was still a surprise.
他的出现仍然令人惊讶。
And not just to him, it was there in the eyes of the guests who had seen a mirage and drew near.
不只是他，就连那些看到海市蜃楼并走近的客人的眼中也有这种感觉。
And then covered their shock with a, "Nathan, you're here!" And then silence-- they'd nothing to say beyond that.
然后用“内森，你来了！”来掩盖他们的震惊。然后就是沉默——除此之外他们没有什么可说的。
A few of the braver souls lingered to chat.
一些勇敢的人留下来聊天。
They all knew it was neither a secret nor mystery that he and the couple had quite an odd history.
他们都知道，他和这对夫妇有一段相当奇怪的历史，这既不是秘密，也不是神秘。
Their bonds were a tangle of friendship and sex.
他们的纽带是友谊和性的纠缠。
Josh, his best pal once, and Patty, his ex.
乔什（Josh），他曾经最好的朋友，帕蒂（Patty），他的前任。
For a while he could barely go out in the city without being a punchline or object of pity.
有一段时间，他几乎一进城就成为笑话或怜悯的对象。
"Poor Nathan" had virtually become his new name.
“可怜的内森”几乎成了他的新名字。
And so he showed up just to show he was game.
所以他出现只是为了表明他有能力。
Though, his invite was late, a forgotten addendum.
不过，他的邀请迟到了，是一个被遗忘的附录。
For Nate, there could be no more clear referendum that he need but endure through this evening, and then he would likely not see Josh and Patty again.
对于内特来说，除了熬过今晚之外，他不需要再进行更明确的公投，然后他很可能再也见不到乔什和帕蒂了。
Josh's sister was speaking, a princess in peach.
乔什的妹妹正在说话，她是一位桃色公主。
Nathan dug in his pocket to study his speech.
内森伸手掏口袋研究他的演讲。
He'd poured over Bartlett's for couplets to filch.
他在巴特利特的商店里倒了很多对联来偷窃。
He'd stayed up until 3:00, still came up with zilch.
他熬夜到了 3:00，仍然没有想到。
Except for instructions he'd underscored twice, just two words in length and those words were, "be nice."
除了他在下面划了两次下划线的指示之外，只有两个词的长度，这些词是“友善点”。
Too often, he thought, our emotions betray us and reason departs once we're up on the dais.
他想，很多时候，我们的情感会背叛我们，一旦登上讲台，理性就会消失。
He'd witnessed uncomfortable moments where others had lost their way quickly, where sisters and brothers had gotten too prickly and peppered their babbling with stories of benders or lesbian dabbling or spot-on impressions of mothers-in-law, which true, Nathan thought, always garnered guffaws.
他亲眼目睹过令人不舒服的时刻，其他人很快就迷失了方向，兄弟姐妹变得太易怒，胡言乱语中夹杂着酗酒者、女同性恋涉猎或对婆婆的准确印象，内森认为，确实，这些总是会引起哄堂大笑。
But the price seemed too high with the laugh seldom cloaking hostility, masquerading as joking.
但代价似乎太高了，笑声很少掩盖敌意，伪装成开玩笑。
No, he'd swallow his rage and he'd bank all his fire.
不，他会咽下怒火，并熄灭所有的火。
He knew that in his case, the bar was set higher.
他知道，就他而言，门槛更高。
Folks were just waiting for him to erupt.
人们只是在等待他爆发。
They'd be hungry for blood, even though they had supped.
即使他们已经吃过晚饭，他们也会渴望血。
They'd want tears or some other unsightly reaction.
他们想要眼泪或其他一些难看的反应。
And Nathan would not give them that satisfaction.
内森不会让他们满意。
Though, Patty a harlot and Josh was a lout.
不过，帕蒂是个妓女，乔什是个粗鲁的人。
At least Nathan knew what he'd not talk about.
至少内森知道他不会谈论什么。
I won't wish them divorce, that they wither and sicken, or tonight that they choke on their salmon or chicken.
我不希望他们离婚，不希望他们枯萎生病，也不希望他们今晚被鲑鱼或鸡肉噎住。
I won't mention that time when the cottage lost power in that storm on the Cape, and they left for an hour.
我不会提及那次小屋在海角的暴风雨中断电，他们离开了一个小时。
And they thought it was just the cleverest ruse to pretend it took that long to switch out the fuse.
他们认为这只是最聪明的诡计，假装花了那么长时间才关掉保险丝。
Or that time Josh advised me with so much insistence that I should grant Patty a little more distance, that the worst I could do was to hamper and crowd her, that if Patty felt stifled she'd just take a powder, that a plant needs its space, just as much as its water.
或者那次乔什非常坚持地建议我应该给帕蒂多一点距离，我能做的最糟糕的事情就是阻碍和拥挤她，如果帕蒂感到窒息，她就服用粉末，植物需要它的空间，就像它的水一样。
And I shouldn't give Patty that ring that I bought her, which in retrospect only elicits a, gosh, I hardly deserved a friend like you, Josh.
我不应该把我买给帕蒂的戒指给她，回想起来这只会让我觉得，天哪，我根本不配拥有像你这样的朋友，乔什。
No, I won't spill those beans or make myself foolish to satisfy appetites venal and ghoulish.
不，我不会泄露这些秘密，也不会为了满足贪婪和残忍的欲望而做出愚蠢的举动。
I will not be the blot on this hellish affair.
我不会成为这桩地狱事件的污点。
And with that, Nathan pushed out and rose from his chair.
说完，内森推身而出，从椅子上站了起来。
And just by the tapping of knife against crystal, all eyes turned his way, like he'd fired off a pistol.
当刀敲击水晶时，所有的目光都转向他，就像他开枪一样。
[CLEARS THROAT] Joshua, Patricia, dear family and friends, a few words, if you will, before everything ends-- you've promised to honor to love and obey, we've quaffed our champagne and been cleansed by sorbet, all in endorsement of your hers and his-dom.
[清嗓子]约书亚，帕特里夏，亲爱的家人和朋友，如果你们愿意的话，在一切结束之前说几句话——你们已经承诺尊重爱和服从，我们喝了香槟，用果汁冰糕净化，所有这一切都是为了支持你们的她和他的统治。
So now let me add my two cents' worth of wisdom.
现在让我补充一下我的两分钱智慧。
I was racking my brains, sitting here at this table, until I remembered this suitable fable that gets at a truth, though it may well distort us.
坐在这张桌子旁，我绞尽脑汁，直到我想起这个合适的寓言，它揭示了真相，尽管它很可能会扭曲我们。
So here with the tale of the scorpion and tortoise.
这是蝎子和乌龟的故事。
The scorpion was hamstrung, his tail all a-quiver.
蝎子腿筋断了，尾巴颤抖着。
Just how would he manage to get 'cross the river?
他到底要怎样才能过河呢？
"Oh, the water's so deep," he observed with a sigh, which pricked at the ears of the tortoise nearby.
“哦，水太深了，”他叹了口气，附近乌龟的耳朵都被刺痛了。
"Well, why don't you swim," asked the slow-moving fellow, "unless you're afraid.
“好吧，你为什么不去游泳呢？”那个动作缓慢的家伙问道，“除非你害怕。
I mean, what are you, yellow?" "It isn't a matter of fear or of whim," said the scorpion, "but that I don't know how to swim."
我的意思是，你是什么，黄色？” “这不是因为害怕，也不是因为心血来潮，”蝎子说，“而是因为我不会游泳。”
"Ah, forgive me.
“啊，原谅我吧。
I didn't mean to be glib when I said that.
我这么说的时候并没有要油嘴滑舌的意思。
I figured you were an amphibian." "No offense taken," the scorpion replied, "but how about you help me to reach the far side?
我以为你是两栖动物。” “无意冒犯，”蝎子回答道，“但是你帮我到达远处怎么样？
You swim like a dream, and you have what I lack.
你游得像梦一样，而你拥有我所缺乏的东西。
What say you take me across on your back?"
你说你背着我过去怎么样？”
"I'm really not sure that's the best thing to do," said the tortoise, "now that I see that it's you.
“我真的不确定这是否是最好的做法，”乌龟说，“现在我知道是你了。
You have a less than ideal reputation preceding.
您之前的声誉不太理想。
There's talk of your victims all poisoned and bleeding.
有传言说你的受害者都中毒流血了。
You're the scorpion, and how can I say this, but, well, I just don't feel safe with you riding my shell."
你是蝎子，我怎么能这么说呢，但是，好吧，你骑在我的壳上我只是觉得不安全。”
The scorpion replied, "What would killing you prove?
蝎子回答说：“杀了你能证明什么？
We'd both drown.
我们都会被淹死。
So tell me, how would that behoove me to basically die at my very own hand, when all I desire is to be on dry land?"
那么告诉我，当我只想待在干燥的土地上时，我怎么会基本上死在自己手里呢？”
The tortoise considered the scorpion's defense.
乌龟考虑了蝎子的防御。
When he gave it some thought, it made perfect sense.
当他想一想时，他发现这是完全有道理的。
The niggling voice in his mind, he ignored, and he swam to the bank and called out, "Climb aboard." But just a few moments from when they set sail, the scorpion lashed out with his venomous tail.
他忽略了脑海中那个烦人的声音，游到岸边喊道：“上船吧。”但就在他们起航后不久，蝎子就用有毒的尾巴猛烈攻击。
The tortoise too late understood that he'd blundered when he felt his flesh stabbed and his carapace sundered.
当乌龟感觉到自己的肉被刺伤、甲壳破裂时，他才意识到自己犯了一个大错误，但为时已晚。
As he fought for his life, he said, "Tell me why you have done this?
当他为自己的生命而战时，他说：“告诉我你为什么这么做？
For now we will surely both die!" "I don't know," cried the scorpion.
现在我们两个都必死无疑！” “我不知道，”蝎子叫道。
"You never should trust a creature like me, because poison I must.
“你永远不应该相信像我这样的生物，因为我必须下毒。
I'd claim some remorse or at least some compunction, but I just can't help it.
我会声称有些悔恨，或者至少有些内疚，但我就是无法控制。
My form is my function.
我的形式就是我的功能。
You thought I'd behaved like my cousin the crab, but unlike him it is but my nature to stab."
你以为我的行为就像我的螃蟹表弟，但与他不同的是，刺伤只是我的天性。”
The tortoise expired with one final quiver, and then both of them sank swallowed up by the river.
乌龟最后一颤就断气了，然后两人就沉入河水中了。
The tortoise was wrong to ignore all his doubts, because in the end, friends, our natures will out.
乌龟忽视他所有的疑虑是错误的，因为最终，朋友们，我们的本性将会消失。
Nathan paused, cleared his throat, took a sip of his drink.
内森停了下来，清了清喉咙，喝了一口饮料。
He needed these extra few seconds to think.
他需要这额外的几秒钟来思考。
The room had gone frosty.
房间里已经结冰了。
The tension was growing.
紧张气氛越来越大。
Folks wondered precisely where Nathan was going.
人们确切地想知道内森要去哪里。
The prospect of skirting fiasco seemed dim, but what he said next surprised even him.
避免惨败的前景似乎很渺茫，但他接下来说的话连他自己都感到惊讶。
So what can we learn from their watery ends?
那么我们可以从它们的水性末端学到什么呢？
Is there some lesson on how to be friends?
有没有关于如何成为朋友的课程？
I think what it means is that central to living a life that is good is a life that's forgiving.
我认为这意味着美好生活的核心是宽容的生活。
We are creatures of contact.
我们是接触的生物。
Regardless of whether we kiss or we wound, still we must come together.
不管我们是亲吻还是受伤，我们仍然必须在一起。
Though it may spell destruction, we still ask for more, since it beats staying dry but so lonely on shore.
尽管这可能意味着毁灭，但我们仍然要求更多，因为这比在岸上保持干燥但如此孤独要好。
So we make ourselves open while knowing full well it's essentially saying, please, come pierce my shell.
因此，我们在充分了解的同时开放自己，这本质上是在说，请刺穿我的外壳。
Silence doesn't paint the depth of quiet in that room.
沉默并不能描绘出那个房间里的安静深度。
There was no clinking stemware toasting to the bride or groom.
没有叮当作响的高脚杯向新娘或新郎敬酒。
You could have heard a pedal as it landed on the floor.
当它落在地板上时，你可能会听到踏板的声音。
And in that stillness, Nathan turned and walked right out the door.
在一片寂静中，内森转身走出了门。
David Rakoff.
大卫·拉考夫.
When David decided to put that poem into his new book, he went back and he added a crucial fact-- a very, very, very important fact that he learned only after we broadcast the poem.
当大卫决定将这首诗放入他的新书中时，他回去添加了一个至关重要的事实——一个非常非常非常重要的事实，他是在我们播放这首诗之后才了解到的。
So in the book, Nathan gives the toast and then he runs into a guy on the way out who informs him of the fact that David learned later-- this is from the book.
所以在书中，内森祝酒，然后他在出去的路上遇到了一个人，这个人告诉他大卫后来了解到的事实——这是来自书中的。
The guy says, "That toast, if you give it again-- but you won't-- remember, Nate, turtles swim.
那家伙说：“那杯吐司，如果你再举杯——但你不会——记住，内特，海龟会游泳。
Tortoises don't."
乌龟则不然。”
[MUSIC - "WHAT'LL I DO?" BY NAT KING COLE]
[音乐-“我要做什么？” BY NAT KING COLE]
Act One: Who’s Canadian?
第一幕：谁是加拿大人？
Ira Glass Well, this episode of our show was produced by me and Brian Reed and Emily Condon and our senior producer back then Julie Snyder, with Alex Blumberg, Ben Calhoun, Sarah Koenig, Jonathan Menjivar, Lisa Pollak, Robyn Semien, Alissa Shipp, and Nancy Updike.
Ira Glass 嗯，我们节目的这一集是由我、Brian Reed、Emily Condon 以及当时的高级制片人 Julie Snyder 以及 Alex Blumberg、Ben Calhoun、Sarah Koenig、Jonathan Menjivar、Lisa Pollak、Robyn Semien、Alissa Shipp 和 Nancy Updike 制作的。
Our technical director is Matt Tierney.
我们的技术总监是马特·蒂尔尼。
Production help today from BA Parker and Stowe Nelson.
今天，BA Parker 和 Stowe Nelson 为制作提供了帮助。
David Rakoff's books and audiobooks-- Fraud, Don't Get Too Comfortable, Half Empty, and Love, Dishonor, Marry, Die, Cherish, Perish-- A Novel by David Rakoff are available online, wherever they sell such things.
大卫·拉科夫 (David Rakoff) 的书籍和有声读物——《欺诈》、《别太舒服》、《半空》和《爱情、耻辱、结婚、死亡、珍惜、灭亡——大卫·拉科夫的小说》可以在网上找到，无论哪里有卖此类东西的地方。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
When David Rakoff filled in as host of our show, one of the things that he had to do was read the credits, like this one.
当大卫·拉科夫（David Rakoff）担任我们节目的主持人时，他必须做的一件事就是阅读片尾字幕，就像这个一样。
Funding for our show comes from Volkswagen of America and the new Touareg SUV, the Volkswagen that does what other Volkswagens don't-- kill you in a low-impact collision.
我们的节目的资金来自美国大众汽车公司和新款途锐 SUV，这款大众汽车能够完成其他大众汽车所不具备的功能——在低冲击力碰撞中杀死您。
More about the Touareg at vw.com.
有关途锐的更多信息，请访问 vw.com。
[LAUGHS] Please don't.
[LAUGHS] Please don't.
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass That was kind of an ad-lib, that last part.
[笑声] Ira Glass 最后一部分有点即兴发挥。
Special thanks to our programs co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
特别感谢我们的项目联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
You know, he gave this pep talk to the staff at our summer staff retreat-- not his most effective effort.
你知道，他在我们的夏季员工休养会上向员工们发表了这次鼓舞士气的讲话，但这并不是他最有效的努力。
Who will see their dreams fall away into the abyss and eventually succumb to the crashing sadness and meaninglessness of it all?
谁会眼睁睁地看着自己的梦想坠入深渊，最终屈服于这一切的巨大悲伤和毫无意义？
We will!
我们将！
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
[MUSIC - "WHAT'LL I DO?" BY NAT KING COLE]
[MUSIC - "WHAT'LL I DO?" BY NAT KING COLE]
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。