44: Poultry Slam 1996 - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #44 | November 29, 1996 44: Poultry Slam 1996 Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 44 集 | 1996 年 11 月 29 日 44：Poultry Slam 1996 注：This American Life 是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Act One: Duki Ira Glass We're in Danielle's house.
第一幕：Duki Ira Glass 我们在丹妮尔的房子里。
Ever since she was a girl, when holidays dinners come they serve a meal that will probably look familiar to you.
从她还是个女孩的时候起，当节日晚餐到来时，他们会提供你可能看起来很熟悉的饭菜。
Picture, please, a main course, big platter, drumsticks, white breast meat, golden brown skin, stuffing and gravy and cranberry relish on the side.
请想象一下主菜，大拼盘，鸡腿，白胸肉，金棕色的皮，馅料和肉汁，旁边还有蔓越莓调味品。
And in Danielle's family, they have a name for this meal that she told me on the phone recently.
在丹妮尔的家里，他们给这顿饭起了一个名字，这是她最近在电话里告诉我的。
The name for this meal is--
这顿饭的名字是——
Fish.
鱼。
Ira Glass Well, from WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
Ira Glass 好吧，来自 WBEZ 芝加哥，这就是《美国生活》。
Special program today on the wonders of fish.
今天的特别节目是关于鱼类的奇迹。
All right, actually we can say the word here.
好吧，实际上我们可以在这里说这个词。
And the word is poultry.
这个词是家禽。
And, as you probably know, each week on our program, we choose some theme, invite a variety of writers and performers and documentary producers to tackle that theme.
而且，您可能知道，每周在我们的节目中，我们都会选择一些主题，邀请各种作家、表演者和纪录片制片人来解决该主题。
And this week, as we, all of us, stand in that magical five-week period, that magical interregnum between the turkey of Thanksgiving and the turkey of Christmas, that magical five weeks where Americans consume nearly a fourth of all the turkey we consume over the course of the year, 67 million turkeys.
本周，我们所有人，正处于那个神奇的五周时期，感恩节火鸡和圣诞节火鸡之间的神奇间隙，美国人消耗的火鸡数量几乎占全年火鸡总量的四分之一，即 6700 万只火鸡。
So in this period, we bring you our annual Poultry Slam, stories about turkeys, chickens, ducks, fowl of all kind, and their mysterious hold over us.
因此，在这个时期，我们为您带来一年一度的家禽大满贯，关于火鸡、鸡、鸭、各种家禽的故事，以及它们对我们的神秘控制。
Well, I'm Ira Glass.
嗯，我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Coming up in this hour, Act One, Duki.
第一幕即将登场，Duki。
Act Two, Turkey.
第二幕，土耳其。
Act Three, writer David Sedaris.
第三幕，编剧大卫·塞达里斯。
And of course, what poultry-positive program would be complete without--
当然，如果没有什么家禽阳性计划才会完整——
Chickenman!
鸡人！
Women He's everywhere!
女人 他无处不在！
He's everywhere!
他无处不在！
Yes, indeed, in the late 1960s, the winged warrior, Chickenman, struck terror in the hearts of evildoers on radios all across our great nation.
是的，的确如此，在 20 世纪 60 年代末，长着翅膀的战士“小鸡人”通过广播在我们伟大国家的各地的作恶者心中造成了恐惧。
And today, we are pleased to bring you the first new episode of Chickenman since 1969.
今天，我们很高兴为您带来自 1969 年以来的首部新剧集《鸡人》。
This is one of those things if you have heard Chickenman , this needs no introduction.
如果您听说过《鸡人》，这就是其中之一，无需介绍。
If you haven't, you are in for a big, big treat, a big radio treat.
如果你还没有，那么你将会享受到一场非常非常大的盛宴，一场盛大的广播盛宴。
It's later in the show.
这是节目后期的内容。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Duki.
第一幕，杜基。
So in Danielle's family, the power of poultry is so great in their lives that when they serve chicken or turkey, they call it--
所以在丹妮尔的家里，家禽的力量在他们的生活中是如此巨大，以至于当他们供应鸡肉或火鸡时，他们称其为——
Fish.
鱼。
Ira Glass That's right.
艾拉·格拉斯 没错。
And they call it that for a reason.
他们这样称呼它是有原因的。
And the reason has to do with a stuffed hand puppet called Duki.
原因与一个名为杜基（Duki）的毛绒布娃娃有关。
Now Danielle is nearly 30 years old.
现在丹妮尔已经快30岁了。
Her sister, Ashley, is two years younger.
她的妹妹阿什莉比她小两岁。
And Duki has been in the family since they were children.
杜基（Duki）从小就加入了这个家庭。
Well, he was a Christmas present when Ashley was about 8, and I was about 10.
嗯，当阿什利大约 8 岁的时候，他是一份圣诞礼物，而我大约 10 岁。
And when he first arrived, he was really fluffy.
当他第一次来的时候，他真的很毛茸茸的。
And he was this beautiful, fluffy, white duck.
他就是这只美丽、毛茸茸的白鸭子。
And he had a cape on and black, villain slash hero goggles.
他披着斗篷，戴着黑色的反派英雄护目镜。
He lost the outfit pretty quickly, and he went naked.
他很快就脱掉了衣服，然后赤身裸体。
And then he became Ashley's vehicle for torturing me.
然后他就成了阿什利折磨我的工具。
Now, it's not unusual for older siblings to dominate younger ones.
现在，年长的兄弟姐妹支配年幼的兄弟姐妹并不罕见。
And as children, Danielle dominated Ashley.
小时候，丹妮尔支配着阿什利。
Ashley looked up to Danielle, fought to get her attention and her approval, and Danielle always, always got her way, except when Duki was around.
阿什利尊敬丹妮尔，努力引起她的注意和认可，而丹妮尔总是，总是如愿以偿，除了杜基在身边的时候。
Basically, Ashley would channel-- I mean the word is an anachronism in this context, but she would channel Duki.
基本上，阿什利会引导——我的意思是这个词在这种情况下是不合时宜的，但她会引导杜基。
She should become Duki's voice.
她应该成为Duki的声音。
She would speak as Duki.
她会以杜基的身份说话。
And Duki was sarcastic.
杜基很讽刺。
Duki was selfish and bossy.
杜基自私又专横。
Duki would insult Danielle.
杜基会侮辱丹妮尔。
Duki would tease Danielle.
杜基会取笑丹妮尔。
Duki would give her painful nose squeaks.
杜基会让她的鼻子发出痛苦的吱吱声。
Whenever Ashley brought Duki into the equation, he was completely the dominant force.
每当阿什利将杜基纳入考虑范围时，他就完全是主导力量。
I was just putty in Duki's hands.
我只是杜基手中的油灰。
Let me ask you to compare his personality with Ashley's personality.
让我请你把他的个性与阿什利的个性进行比较。
Ashley's very considerate and kind and thoughtful.
阿什利非常体贴、善良、体贴。
And very, very sensitive to other people, very, very concerned about if other people are happy, and if someone else doesn't feel good.
对他人非常非常敏感，非常非常关心其他人是否快乐，以及其他人是否感觉不好。
And Duki has this total, what's for lunch attitude.
Duki 的态度就是“午餐吃什么”。
Like what's in it for me?
就像它对我有什么好处？
In your face, totally out for himself, simultaneously a braggart and a total wimp.
在你面前，完全是为了自己，同时是一个吹牛者和一个彻头彻尾的懦夫。
He's boastful and vain.
他很自负，也很虚荣。
Danielle He's just this indomitable spirit.
丹妮尔 他就是这种不屈不挠的精神。
Well, 19 years after Duki arrived in the Mattoon household, the fluffy whiteness is long gone.
好吧，杜基来到马顿家十九年后，蓬松的白色早已不复存在。
Fluffy, in fact, is not a word you would really use to describe Duki.
事实上，“蓬松”这个词并不适合用来形容 Duki。
Nor is two-eyed, if I remember correctly.
如果我没记错的话，也不是两只眼睛。
What he looks like physically is just-- he's a slightly pathetic looking, gray, tattered thing.
他的外表看起来只是——他是一个看起来有点可怜的、灰色的、破烂的东西。
Very tattered.
非常破烂。
Danielle Very tattered.
丹妮尔非常破烂。
But then the fact that his brain, what's coming out of his mouth, is in complete denial about who he actually is-- I don't know.
但事实是，他的大脑，从他嘴里说出来的话，完全否认他到底是谁——我不知道。
There's just something really, really great about that.
这真的非常非常伟大。
And really, you have to love him for it.
事实上，你必须为此爱他。
All right, I've been at Danielle's apartment sometimes, and I've witnessed the following scene.
好吧，我有时去过丹妮尔的公寓，我亲眼目睹了下面的场景。
Picture, please.
请上图。
Danielle has not spoken with her sister in weeks.
丹妮尔已经好几个星期没有和她姐姐说过话了。
She picks up the phone, calls Ashley in Michigan.
她拿起电话，给密歇根州的阿什利打了电话。
Ashley answers.
阿什利回答。
Danielle asks immediately, "Can you put Duki on?" And then Ashley essentially becomes Duki, puts Duki on the phone.
Danielle立即问道：“你能穿上Duki吗？”然后 Ashley 就变成了 Duki，让 Duki 接电话。
Danielle talks to Duki for 15, 20 minutes.
丹妮尔与杜基交谈了 15 到 20 分钟。
And then they both hang up.
然后他们都挂断了电话。
That's the whole conversation.
这就是整个对话。
And they both feel satisfied.
并且两人都感到很满足。
These are adults.
这些都是成年人。
Danielle is an editor at a big New York magazine.
丹妮尔是纽约一家大型杂志的编辑。
I adore Duki.
我喜欢杜基。
I really love Duki.
我真的很喜欢杜基。
And sometimes, I think if he disappeared, it would really feel like someone died.
有时，我想如果他消失了，真的感觉就像有人死了一样。
I mean, I look at him, and he looks really old and ratty, and it really makes me sad.
我的意思是，我看着他，他看起来真的又老又破烂，这真的让我很难过。
I mean, it sounds crazy.
我的意思是，这听起来很疯狂。
It really makes me sad to think about a world without Duki in it.
想到一个没有杜基的世界真的让我感到悲伤。
There would be a big, empty hole in the world.
世界上将会出现一个巨大的空洞。
He takes up as much room in my heart as a lot of people individually.
他在我心里占据的空间和很多人一样多。
And if something happened to him, if he were lost at an airport or run over by a car, it would really be heartbreaking.
而如果他出了什么事，在机场迷路或者被车碾过，那真的是令人心碎。
So I hope it's becoming clear why, if you eat dinner in the home of Danielle's family, if they're serving some kind of poultry, chicken or turkey, if you were to ask anybody in the family what's for dinner, they'll tell you--
所以我希望你能清楚为什么，如果你在丹妮尔家吃晚饭，如果他们提供某种家禽、鸡肉或火鸡，如果你问家里的任何人晚饭吃什么，他们会告诉你——
Fish.
鱼。
Ira Glass Right.
艾拉·格拉斯 对。
And the rationale for that is what?
其理由是什么？
It freaks Duki out.
这可把杜基吓坏了。
Ira Glass It freaks him out-- you don't like him to know that perhaps some birds are in fact eaten?
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：这让他很害怕——你不希望他知道也许有些鸟实际上被吃掉了？
I think he knows.
我想他知道。
I think he's in denial about it.
我认为他对此表示否认。
He's in denial about most things.
他否认大多数事情。
He's in denial about the fact that he's totally weak and tiny and dirty.
他否认自己完全软弱、渺小、肮脏这一事实。
He thinks he's really good-looking and strong and that he's really smart and has a lot of friends.
他认为自己真的很帅，很强壮，而且很聪明，有很多朋友。
Right.
正确的。
Danielle He's in denial about the fact that he's actually stuffed, which he is.
丹妮尔·赫（Danielle He）否认他实际上已经吃饱了，事实上他确实是吃饱了。
Sometimes I tell him that.
有时我会这样告诉他。
I say, "Duki, give me a break.
我说：“杜基，让我休息一下。
You're just stuffed." And he's like, "No way."
你只是吃饱了。”他说：“不可能。”
Now, I thought I would try to book Duki to come on the radio for this program.
现在，我想我应该尝试预订杜基来参加这个节目的广播。
So I contacted Danielle's sister, Ashley, and asked her, "Could Duki come on the air?" I received an answer back, not by phone, but by electronic mail, that for Duki to appear, I'd have to first go through someone named Yona Lu, who I could reach through Danielle and Ashley's mother.
于是我联系了丹妮尔的妹妹阿什莉，问她：“杜基可以来播音吗？”我收到了回复，不是通过电话，而是通过电子邮件，要让杜基出现，我必须首先通过一个名叫尤娜·卢的人，我可以通过丹妮尔和阿什利的母亲联系到他。
And when I talked to Danielle, I asked her about this.
当我和丹妮尔交谈时，我问了她这个问题。
I've been informed that the only way that I can reach him is by calling your mom and speaking to Yona Lu.
我被告知，我能联系到他的唯一方法是打电话给你妈妈并与尤娜·卢通话。
Do I have that name right?
我这个名字对吗？
Yona Lu, yeah.
卢尤娜 是的。
I think she's acting as his agent.
我认为她是他的经纪人。
Anything special that I should say to Yona Lu to make this happen?
为了实现这一目标，我应该对 Yona Lu 说些什么特别的话吗？
I don't know.
我不知道。
She drives a pretty hard bargain.
她讨价还价相当艰难。
[PHONE RINGING]
[电话铃声]
Hi, Ira Glass.
嗨，艾拉·格拉斯。
Ira Glass Mrs. Mattoon, here's why I called you.
艾拉·格拉斯 马顿夫人，这就是我给您打电话的原因。
I want to do a little story on the radio about Duki.
我想在广播中讲一个关于杜基的小故事。
Duki?
杜基？
Ira Glass Duki.
艾拉·格拉斯·杜基。
And I contacted your daughter, Ashley.
我联系了你的女儿阿什莉。
And she said that for me to book Duki onto my radio show, I was going to first need to contact Yona Lu.
她说，要让我预订 Duki 参加我的广播节目，我首先需要联系 Yona Lu。
And that I needed to do that through you.
我需要通过你来做到这一点。
Yona Lu is a hedgehog.
尤娜·卢是一只刺猬。
She's basically taken charge of Duki's financial affairs.
她基本上负责Duki的财务事务。
And I presume this has something to do with money?
我认为这与金钱有关？
Well, I don't know actually.
嗯，其实我也不知道。
I mean, we--
我的意思是，我们——
That's probably why she said to contact Yona Lu.
这大概就是她说要联系Yona Lu的原因。
Well, so what do I do now?
好吧，那我现在该怎么办？
I was told to contact you if I wanted to get in touch with Yona Lu in order to book Duki.
有人告诉我，如果我想与 Yona Lu 联系以预订 Duki，请与您联系。
What do I do next?
接下来我该怎么办？
Book Duki, OK.
预订杜基，好的。
You're going to book Duki.
你要预订杜基。
That's the whole idea.
这就是整个想法。
I want to book Duki for the show, for an interview.
我想预订 Duki 参加节目、接受采访。
Well, I'll just talk to Yona Lu about it.
好吧，我会和 Yona Lu 谈谈这件事。
She says OK, it's OK.
她说好吧，没关系。
Will Yona Lu want to discuss terms or something?
陆尤娜想讨论一下条款什么的吗？
She doesn't talk.
她不说话。
Ira Glass So what's going to happen?
艾拉·格拉斯 那么接下来会发生什么呢？
All right, should I call you back?
好吧，我应该给你回电话吗？
You could call me back.
你可以给我回电话。
Or I just go in and check.
或者我就进去检查一下。
You'll just go in and check?
你就进去看看吧？
Mrs. Mattoon Yeah.
马顿夫人 是的。
All right, I'll wait.
好吧，我会等。
Mrs. Mattoon Ira, this is just radio?
马顿·艾拉夫人，这只是广播？
It's just radio.
这只是广播。
Mrs. Mattoon And nobody is going to get to be on TV?
马顿夫人 没有人会上电视吗？
No, no one's going to be on TV.
不，没有人会上电视。
No, it's strictly radio.
不，这只是广播。
OK, Yona Lu doesn't care what happens then.
好吧，陆尤娜不在乎接下来会发生什么。
What if it were TV?
如果是电视呢？
Mrs. Mattoon I think she'd want to be on too.
马顿夫人我想她也想参加。
Radio doesn't do much for her because she doesn't talk.
广播对她没有多大作用，因为她不说话。
All right, as you might imagine, not everybody in the family takes all this so lightly.
好吧，正如你想象的那样，并不是家里的每个人都对这一切如此掉以轻心。
Danielle's father was never too keen on this.
丹妮尔的父亲对此从来不太热衷。
He was quite actually bothered by the whole.
他实际上对整个事情感到困扰。
He thought we maybe had a problem in the family.
他认为我们的家庭可能有问题。
Really?
真的吗？
Mrs. Mattoon Mm-hmm.
马顿夫人 嗯嗯。
I mean, for a while there, we had two daughters that only communicated through a duck.
我的意思是，有一段时间，我们有两个女儿，她们只能通过一只鸭子交流。
Yeah, that period that you're describing, when do you mean?
是的，你所描述的那个时期是指什么时候？
I would say they maybe were 10 and 12, or 9 and 11.
我想说他们可能是 10 和 12，或者 9 和 11。
And they would only communicate through the duck?
他们只能通过鸭子交流？
Well, Danielle didn't pay a whole lot of attention to Ashley, but she paid quite a lot of attention to the duck.
好吧，丹妮尔并没有太关注阿什利，但她却对鸭子给予了很多关注。
So if Ashley wanted to get Danielle's attention, all she had to do was rev up the duck.
因此，如果阿什利想引起丹妮尔的注意，她所要做的就是加快鸭子的速度。
And how long did this last?
这持续了多久？
Mrs. Mattoon I can't remember.
马顿夫人 我不记得了。
She would also make Danielle laugh that way.
她也会让丹妮尔那样笑。
Danielle thought Duki was very funny, but I can't remember her thinking Ashley was funny.
丹妮尔认为杜基很有趣，但我不记得她认为阿什利很有趣。
In terms of the relationship between my sister and me, I don't know why-- I mean, this is probably completely really sick.
就我和姐姐之间的关系而言，我不知道为什么——我的意思是，这可能完全是病态的。
But I have so much genuine affection and love for Duki that it's very easy to demonstrate those feelings in a way that it's not as easy to demonstrate those feelings toward my sister, just because we never got in the habit of it.
但我对杜基怀有如此多的真挚感情和爱，以至于很容易以一种方式表达这些感情，而对我妹妹表达这些感情却并不容易，只是因为我们从未养成这种习惯。
What percentage of your relationship with your sister is based on your relationship with Duki?
你和你姐姐的关系有多少比例是基于你和 Duki 的关系？
Well, the really fun part of it is based on my relationship with Duki, but I think as we've gotten older and older, we've gotten more and more self-conscious about the Duki factor in our relationship.
嗯，其中真正有趣的部分是基于我与 Duki 的关系，但我认为随着我们年龄的增长，我们对我们关系中的 Duki 因素变得越来越不自在。
But I think a big chunk.
但我认为很大一部分。
I mean, it definitely gives me this vision into her brain that I wouldn't have otherwise.
我的意思是，这确实让我看到了她的大脑，否则我就不会看到这样的景象。
Well, I did finally snag an interview with Duki.
好吧，我终于得到了杜基的采访。
You know, big network radio program that we are, we could pull off this coup, snag for you this interview with an imaginary hand puppet.
你知道，我们是一个大型网络广播节目，我们可以实现这个妙招，用一个想象中的手偶为你安排这次采访。
Anyway, I did make this happen by calling Ashley.
不管怎样，我确实通过给阿什利打电话让这件事发生了。
Is Duki still up for this?
杜基还在吗？
Ashley Yeah, he just got back from a party though.
阿什利 是的，不过他刚从聚会回来。
Yeah, he was at a happy hour thing with a lot of college students.
是的，他和很多大学生一起度过了欢乐时光。
He's not in college, but he's in a band, so a lot of his friends go to this happy hour on Friday night.
他没有上大学，但他是一个乐队的成员，所以他的很多朋友都会去参加周五晚上的欢乐时光。
Sure, he's upstairs.
当然，他在楼上。
Just a sec.
只需一秒钟。
Here he is.
他在这里。
Hey, Duki?
嘿，杜基？
Duki Yeah, hey, Ira.
杜基 是的，嘿，艾拉。
How are you doing?
你好吗？
Long time no see back at you.
好久没有再见到你了。
And welcome to our little radio program.
欢迎来到我们的小型广播节目。
So what's going on here?
那么这是怎么回事呢？
You've got a whole bunch of celebrities on tonight?
今晚有一大群名人来吗？
Well, we actually have a number of different people.
好吧，我们实际上有很多不同的人。
What about Tom Cruise?
汤姆·克鲁斯呢？
Ira Glass They're just like Tom Cruise.
艾拉·格拉斯 他们就像汤姆·克鲁斯。
OK.
好的。
Ira Glass Now, Duki, I was talking to Danielle for our radio program, and had her come on and talk about you a little bit.
Ira Glass 现在，Duki，我正在与 Danielle 谈论我们的广播节目，并让她过来谈论一下你。
And one of the things that she said was that when she was younger, in order to discipline her if she was doing something that you didn't like, you could pretty much control her with something called nose squeaks?
她说的一件事是，当她年轻的时候，如果她做了你不喜欢的事情，为了管教她，你几乎可以用一种叫鼻子吱吱声的东西来控制她？
Yeah, because it's a prominent nose.
是的，因为它的鼻子很突出。
I mean, it sticks out, and you just want to squeak it.
我的意思是，它很突出，你只想吱吱叫它。
Like over Thanksgiving, we were watching The Muppet Show, and Ms. Piggy was on.
就像感恩节期间一样，我们正在观看《布偶秀》，小猪女士也在场。
And she reminded me a lot of Neelie.
她让我想起了很多尼莉。
Of Danielle.
丹妮尔.
Duki Mm-hmm.
杜基 嗯嗯。
And Kermit told Ms. Piggy, move the pork.
克米特告诉猪崽子女士，把猪肉移走。
And so I was telling Neelie to move the pork all week.
所以我告诉尼莉整个星期都要把猪肉搬走。
And would she move?
她会搬家吗？
Duki Yes, she would.
杜基 是的，她会的。
She would.
她会的。
Now if Ashley would tell her, if Ashley would sit down on the couch and say to Danielle, "Move the pork," what would the effect of that be?
现在，如果阿什利告诉她，如果阿什利坐在沙发上对丹妮尔说，“把猪肉移开，”会产生什么效果？
You know Neelie.
你认识尼莉。
You know how she looks at you when she doesn't approve of something you say or do?
你知道当她不同意你所说或所做的事情时她会如何看待你吗？
She gets this ice-cold stare, and she gives you this sidelong glance that makes you feel like you're about the size of a pea?
她的眼神冰冷，斜视你的眼神让你感觉自己只有豌豆那么大？
That's what she does.
这就是她所做的。
Is there anything about the life of a duck that perhaps you could tell our radio audience that we might not know?
关于鸭子的生活，您是否可以告诉我们的广播听众我们可能不知道的任何事情？
I'm sure that you know much more about it than we do.
我相信您比我们更了解它。
No, not really.
不，不是真的。
I'm kind of an unusual duck.
我是一只不寻常的鸭子。
I'm not really in touch with the whole duck scene.
我对整个鸭子场景不太了解。
You're not in touch with the whole scene, yeah.
你没有接触到整个场景，是的。
When I had time, I used to migrate once in a while because I had some friends who were ducks.
当我有时间的时候，我偶尔会迁移一次，因为我有一些朋友是鸭子。
And I tried to keep in touch with them.
我试图与他们保持联系。
But lately, I've just started spending more time with people and doing my own thing, and I just don't have time to do those duck things anymore.
但最近，我开始花更多的时间与人相处并做自己的事情，我只是没有时间再做那些鸭子的事情了。
I just wanted more out of my life than that.
我只是想从我的生活中得到更多。
Well, the story of a 27-year-old graduate student who talks like a duck naturally brings us to the story of Chickenman.
那么，一个说话像鸭子一样的27岁研究生的故事自然把我们带到了鸡人的故事。
Chickenman first soared the radio airwaves from 1966 to 1969.
《小鸡人》于 1966 年至 1969 年首次在无线电广播中传播。
Nearly everyday, there would be a new episode.
几乎每天都会有新的情节。
These were these short little things, each one two minutes long or so, starting on WCFL here in Chicago, but spreading to over 1,500 radio stations.
这些都是一些简短的小东西，每一个长约两分钟，从芝加哥的 WCFL 开始，但传播到 1,500 多个广播电台。
Three times, by the way, that's three times the number in the public radio network.
顺便说一句，这是公共广播网络数量的三倍。
According to the people who syndicate Chickenman, it has been translated into German, into Dutch, into Swedish.
据《Chickenman》的制作者称，它已被翻译成德语、荷兰语、瑞典语。
It is still on the air, they say, in several dozen markets, making it one of the longest running radio features anywhere.
他们说，它仍在几十个市场上播出，使其成为世界上运行时间最长的广播节目之一。
Chickenman.
鸡人。
Chickenman existed years before National Public Radio existed as a national network.
Chickenman 早在国家公共广播电台作为全国性网络出现之前就已经存在了好几年。
Chickenman will continue probably years after we're all gone like the mighty cockroach, like-- I don't know-- like the bagel, like [UNINTELLIGIBLE] Chickenman endures, will endure.
鸡人可能会在我们消失多年后继续下去，就像强大的蟑螂，就像——我不知道——就像百吉饼，就像[无法理解]鸡人忍受，将会忍受。
Well, coming up later in the program, we'll have the first new real Chicken episode since 1969, written especially for This American Life by Dick Orkin, the voice of Chickenman.
好吧，在节目的后面部分，我们将迎来自 1969 年以来第一部真正的《小鸡》新剧集，由小鸡人的配音迪克·奥金 (Dick Orkin) 专门为《美国生活》编写。
But first, before that, let's hear what all the fuss was about.
但在此之前，首先让我们听听到底是怎么回事。
Now another exciting episode in the life of the most fantastic crime fighter the world has ever known, Chickenman.
现在，世界上最出色的犯罪斗士“小鸡人”的生活又迎来了激动人心的一幕。
Benton Harper, employed as a shoe salesman for a large downtown department store, spends his weekends, his only two days off, striking terror into the hearts of criminals everywhere as the white-winged warrior called Chickenman.
本顿·哈珀（Benton Harper）受雇于市中心一家大型百货公司担任鞋类推销员，他利用周末（这是他仅有的两天休息时间），化身为“小鸡人”的白翼战士，让各地罪犯心生恐惧。
How did it come about that Benton Harper, weekend-winged warrior, selected the visage of the chicken in his crusade against the forces of evil?
本顿·哈珀（Benton Harper）这个周末有翅膀的战士是如何选择鸡的面孔来对抗邪恶势力的？
Now, it can be told.
现在，可以说。
Yes, may I help you?
是的，我可以帮你吗？
Chickenman How do you do?
鸡人你好吗？
I'm looking for a costume.
我正在寻找一套服装。
What did you have in mind?
你有什么想法？
Chickenman Something that will strike terror into the hearts of criminals everywhere.
Chickenman 会让世界各地的犯罪分子感到恐惧的东西。
I see, well how about this?
我明白了，那么这个怎么样？
Chickenman No, I don't think so.
鸡人 不，我不这么认为。
Why not try it on?
为什么不尝试一下呢？
Chickenman Very well.
鸡人很好。
Here, I'll help you.
在这里，我会帮助你。
Chickenman Thank you.
鸡人谢谢你。
There you are.
你就在那里。
Now take a look in the mirror.
现在照照镜子吧。
Hmm, not bad.
嗯，不错。
I wonder if you would permit me to conduct a quick experiment outside this store.
我想知道你是否允许我在这家店外进行一个快速实验。
Yeah?
是的？
Chickenman Are you by chance a vicious criminal?
Chickenman 你是不是碰巧成为了恶毒的罪犯？
Uh-uh.
呃呃。
Chickenman Fine, would you take a look at this costume I'm wearing?
Chickenman 好吧，你能看看我穿的这件衣服吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Chickenman Do you feel anything strange?
鸡人你有没有感觉到什么奇怪的地方？
Anything at all?
有什么吗？
I'd like to kiss you.
我想吻你。
Chickenman Kiss me?
鸡人吻我？
Yeah.
是的。
Chickenman How do you account for that?
Chickenman 你对此有何解释？
Because you look like an adorable bunny rabbit.
因为你看起来像一只可爱的小兔子。
Well, how did it go?
嗯，进展如何？
Chickenman What else do you have?
鸡人你还有什么？
A teddy bear and a chicken.
一只泰迪熊和一只鸡。
Chickenman A teddy bear?
鸡人 一只泰迪熊？
It'd be cute.
会很可爱。
Chickenman Wrap up the chicken, please.
Chickenman 请把鸡包起来。
Be listening tomorrow for another exciting episode in the life of the most fantastic crime fighter the world has ever known, Chickenman.
明天请收听世界上最出色的犯罪斗士“小鸡人”一生中又一个激动人心的插曲。
I love these.
我喜欢这些。
Do you want to hear another?
你想听另一个吗？
We have time for another.
我们还有时间再聊一次。
You want to hear another?
你想听另一个吗？
The thing I love is how completely low-key the performances are.
我喜欢的是表演的完全低调。
It's like they're not even trying.
就好像他们根本没有尝试过。
It's a complete aesthetic.
这是一种完整的审美。
All right, let's hear one more before we continue with the next act.
好吧，在我们继续下一幕之前，让我们再听一听。
Now, another exciting episode in the life of the most fantastic crime fighter the world has ever known, Chickenman.
现在，世界上最出色的犯罪斗士“鸡人”的生活中又一个激动人心的插曲。
The office of the police commissioner of Midland City.
米德兰市警察局长办公室。
[PHONE RINGING] Ms. Helfinger Hello, this is the commissioner's--
[电话铃声]赫尔芬格女士您好，这是专员的——
Ms. Helfinger, this is the winged-warrior.
赫尔芬格女士，这是有翼战士。
Yes, what is it?
是的，那是什么？
Chickenman Please inform the commissioner that I'm now all set for test sequence number one.
Chickenman 请通知专员，我现在已准备好进行第一个测试序列。
What?
什么？
Chickenman It's all primed and ready to go.
鸡人一切都已准备就绪，可以出发了。
What are you talking about?
你在说什么？
Chickenman The chicken missile, Ms. Helfinger.
Chickenman 小鸡导弹，赫尔芬格女士。
The chicken missile?
小鸡导弹？
Chickenman Yes, so tell the commissioner I'm ready for test sequence number one.
Chickenman 是的，所以告诉专员我已经准备好进行第一个测试序列了。
Yes, Ms. Helfinger?
是吗，赫尔芬格女士？
Ms. Helfinger Commissioner, the chicken missile is ready to go.
赫尔芬格专员女士，小鸡导弹已准备就绪。
Oh, yes of course, the-- Ms. Helfinger And it's ready for test sequence number one.
哦，是的，当然，-- Helfinger 女士 它已准备好进行第一个测试序列。
Test sequence number one.
测试序列第一。
Ms. Helfinger Number one.
赫尔芬格女士排名第一。
Hello, winged-warrior?
你好，有翼战士吗？
Chickenman Right here, Ms. Helfinger.
小鸡人 就在这里，赫尔芬格女士。
Oh fine, in that case, Ms. Helfinger, have the commissioner stand by with the chicken missile receiver.
哦，好吧，既然如此，赫尔芬格女士，就让专员带着小鸡导弹接收器待命。
What?
什么？
Chickenman I'm going to count down.
鸡人我要倒数了。
Listen.
听。
Chickenman 10, 9-- We'll see you at 14:00 hours.
Chickenman 10, 9——我们14:00见。
Hello, wa-- Commissioner Yes, Ms. Helfinger?
你好，哇——专员，是吗，赫尔芬格女士？
Commissioner, if I would say to you, prepare the chicken missile receiver, would you know?
专员，如果我对你说，准备小鸡导弹接收器，你知道吗？
No, I wouldn't.
不，我不会。
Ms. Helfinger I didn't think you would.
赫尔芬格女士 我没想到你会这么做。
Commissioner?
专员？
Yes?
是的？
Ms. Helfinger I would suggest that you crouch under your desk.
赫尔芬格女士 我建议你蹲在桌子下面。
Crouch under my desk?
蹲在我桌子下面？
Ms. Helfinger Yes, it should provide some protection.
赫尔芬格女士 是的，它应该提供一些保护。
--what?
- 什么？
Ms. Helfinger From the chicken missile.
赫尔芬格女士 来自小鸡导弹。
Wow.
哇。
say, that chicken missile really works nifty.
话说，那只小鸡导弹确实很管用。
Will the Midland City fire department recommend that a chicken missile receive be installed in what's left of Midland City Hall?
米德兰市消防部门会建议在米德兰市政厅的剩余部分安装小鸡导弹接收器吗？
Be listening tomorrow for another exciting episode in the life of the most fantastic crime fighter the world has ever known, Chickenman.
明天请收听世界上最出色的犯罪斗士“小鸡人”一生中又一个激动人心的插曲。
Well, coming up, life on a real turkey farm, David Sedaris, and, of course, the first new episode of Chickenman since the Nixon administration, written just for our program.
好吧，接下来是真正的火鸡农场的生活，大卫·塞达里斯，当然，还有尼克松政府以来专门为我们的节目编写的《鸡人》的第一集新剧集。
That's all in a minute when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续进行时，这一切就在一分钟之内。
It's This American Life .
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a topic, bring you documentaries, short fiction, found tape, anything we can think OF on that theme.
当然，在我们的节目中，我们每周都会选择一个主题，为您带来纪录片、短篇小说、找到的磁带以及我们能想到的有关该主题的任何内容。
Theme today, with the turkey of Thanksgiving just behind us, the turkey of Christmas ahead of us, we're in that turkey sandwich part of the year.
今天的主题是，感恩节火鸡就在我们身后，圣诞节火鸡就在我们前面，我们正处于一年中的火鸡三明治之中。
And we are in the middle of it.
而我们正处于其中。
We are at the center of that sandwich.
我们位于三明治的中心。
And in honor of that, we're holding our annual poultry slam here on This American Life .
为了纪念这一点，我们在《美国生活》节目中举办了一年一度的家禽大满贯活动。
This next story is from Julie Showalter, who grew up on a turkey farm in Missouri.
下一个故事来自朱莉·肖沃尔特，她在密苏里州的一个火鸡农场长大。
The day before the night 3,000 thousand turkeys died, we moved 13,000 turkeys to the range.
3,000,000 只火鸡死亡的前一天晚上，我们将 13,000 只火鸡转移到了饲养场。
This requires some explanation.
这需要一些解释。
Turkeys spend their first 16 weeks in a heated brooder house.
火鸡出生后的前 16 周是在加热的育雏舍中度过的。
Then, they are put outside to range in fenced enclosures.
然后，它们被放在外面的围栏内。
Usually, men in trucks come and take them to the range at night.
通常，晚上，卡车里的人会带他们去靶场。
This time, daddy decided we'd herd them ourselves.
这一次，爸爸决定我们自己放牧它们。
It looked simple enough.
看起来很简单。
We made a temporary chute of wire fencing that ran from the double-end doors of the brooder house 50 yards to the pen.
我们用铁丝网做了一个临时滑槽，从育雏室的双端门延伸到围栏 50 码。
We would get behind the turkeys in the brooder house, shout, wave old shirts and gunny sacks at them, and they would run out the doors, through the chute and into the pen.
我们会躲到育雏室的火鸡后面，大喊大叫，向它们挥舞旧衬衫和麻袋，然后它们就会跑出门，穿过滑槽进入围栏。
And that's the way it worked in the first brooder house.
这就是第一个育雏舍的运作方式。
The first turkeys hesitated at the door, walked out cautiously, then moved through the chute and dispersed.
第一批火鸡在门口犹豫了一下，小心翼翼地走出去，然后穿过滑槽散去。
The rest followed.
其余的人也跟着。
It took about an hour.
大约花了一个小时。
Daddy was pleased.
爸爸很高兴。
"Let's work straight through, he said.
“让我们直接开始工作吧，”他说。
"We'll be done by 10:00."
“我们会在 10:00 之前完成。”
By the time turkeys have been in a brooder house for 16 weeks, the air is filled with ammonia, feather particles and dust.
当火鸡在育雏舍中饲养 16 周时，空气中就充满了氨、羽毛颗粒和灰尘。
The stench is overwhelming.
恶臭令人难以忍受。
After an hour in the brooder house, your lungs hurt for a day.
在育雏舍里待了一个小时后，你的肺部疼痛了一天。
You can contract disabling lung diseases from working only a week in a poultry house.
仅在禽舍工作一周，就有可能感染致残性肺部疾病。
Tiny barbed pieces of feather dig into the tissue of your lung and never let go.
带刺的小羽毛碎片会刺入您的肺部组织，永远不会松手。
But we didn't know that then.
但当时我们还不知道。
We moved the temporary fence to the doors of the second brooder house.
我们将临时围栏移到了第二个育雏舍的门口。
When we threw open the doors at the end of the second house, it was 9:00 in the morning.
当我们打开第二栋房子尽头的门时，已经是早上 9:00 了。
The sun streamed in the open doors on turkeys that had never seen direct sunlight.
阳光从敞开的门射进从未见过阳光直射的火鸡身上。
The one thing you can count on with turkeys is that you never know how they are going to react.
对于火鸡，你可以信赖的一件事是，你永远不知道它们会如何反应。
I've seen turkeys clamor against a fence trying to get into a range fire.
我见过火鸡在栅栏上叫嚷，试图进入火场。
I've seen them rush toward a screaming child trying to kill it, and I've seen them run from a screaming child spooked and terrified.
我见过他们冲向一个尖叫的孩子，试图杀死它，我也见过他们从一个尖叫的孩子身边惊慌失措地逃跑。
These turkeys didn't want to go into the sun.
这些火鸡不想暴露在阳光下。
As we pushed from behind, they compacted.
当我们从后面推挤时，他们就挤在一起了。
It was like an old adventure movie where the walls are closing in, but there was no wall at the end, only a patch of sunlight, which the turkeys would not touch.
就像一部古老的冒险电影，墙壁正在逼近，但尽头没有墙壁，只有一小片阳光，火鸡不敢碰触。
We yelled louder, waved our cloths, kicked at the ones in the rear.
我们大声喊叫，挥舞着衣服，踢后面的人。
Finally, Daddy walked through the solid carpet of turkeys to break the logjam at the front.
最后，爸爸穿过火鸡的坚实地毯，打破了前面的堵塞。
He stood at the edge of the sunlight, lifting the turkeys three or four at a time with his feet, stirring them with his legs, forcing them into the sun.
他站在阳光的边缘，用脚一次抬起三四只火鸡，用腿搅动它们，迫使它们进入阳光。
Suddenly, they broke free.
突然，他们挣脱了束缚。
As stubbornly as they had refused to go into the light, they now rushed toward it.
他们固执地拒绝走进光明，现在却冲向光明。
They ran in a panic, piling on top of each other, knocking down the temporary fence.
他们惊慌失措地奔跑，互相堆积，撞倒了临时围栏。
By the time daddy could get the doors closed, at least 1,000 turkeys had escaped and were running free on the farm, onto our neighbor's farm, into the road.
当爸爸把门关上时，至少 1000 只火鸡已经逃走了，在农场里自由奔跑，跑到邻居的农场上，跑到路上。
We didn't own the turkeys.
我们不拥有火鸡。
We raised them for a company that owned the hatchery, the feed mill, the fleet of trucks that delivered and loaded the turkeys, the processing plant.
我们为一家公司饲养它们，该公司拥有孵化场、饲料厂、运送和装载火鸡的卡车车队以及加工厂。
We got a portion of the profits, if there were profits.
如果有利润的话，我们得到了一部分利润。
With 1,000 turkeys gone, there would be no profits on this flock.
如果 1,000 只火鸡消失，这群火鸡就没有利润了。
16 weeks of daddy working 14-hour days, of my sisters and me working alongside him anytime we weren't in school, all for no pay.
爸爸每天工作 14 小时，我和我的姐妹们在不在学校的时候就和他一起工作，这 16 周都是无薪的。
And if we weren't paid for this flock, we would have no cash coming in until the next flock was raised.
如果我们没有为这群羊付钱，那么在饲养下一批羊之前我们就没有现金收入。
It took us eight hours to round up the escaped turkeys, four of us trying to track down 1,000 birds that had the whole world in which to hide and run from us.
我们花了八个小时才围捕逃跑的火鸡，我们四个人试图追踪 1,000 只火鸡，它们有整个世界可以躲藏并逃离我们。
The sun beat down, and the air was thick and humid.
太阳猛烈地照射下来，空气粘稠而潮湿。
We stopped once for water, and my sister Billie, the youngest of us, just 11, vomited from the cold water hitting her stomach after hours of sun, heat, and dehydration.
有一次我们停下来喝水，我的妹妹比莉（Billie）是我们中最小的一个，只有 11 岁，在经历了几个小时的阳光、高温和脱水后，冷水击中她的胃，她呕吐了。
As she lay on the ground, shaking and holding her stomach, I hated her for being the one too sick to continue.
当她躺在地上，捂着肚子颤抖着时，我恨她是那个病得太重而无法继续的人。
But even she was not too sick.
但即使是她也没有病得很重。
We all went on.
我们都继续前行。
She got an extra five minutes to rest, but we all went on.
她多了五分钟的休息时间，但我们都继续前进。
You may be asking right now how my father could be so cruel, how he could work young girls like that.
你现在可能会问我的父亲怎么会这么残忍，他怎么能这样对待年轻女孩。
Or you may think I'm exaggerating, that self-pity has magnified our distress.
或者你可能认为我夸大其词，自怜放大了我们的痛苦。
I tell you, this is no exaggeration.
我告诉你，这并不夸张。
And I tell you, my father had no choice.
我告诉你，我父亲别无选择。
Or any choice he had was so far in the past that there was no unraveling it.
或者他所做的任何选择都已成为过去，无法解开。
Years later, when we were grown, we caught a glimpse of his guilt, his bitterness over what he had done to us.
多年后，当我们长大后，我们瞥见了他的内疚，他对他对我们所做的事情的痛苦。
"I couldn't afford niggers," he told my sister Billie, "so I had daughters."
“我养不起黑鬼，”他告诉我妹妹比莉，“所以我有了女儿。”
At 6 o'clock, we rebuilt the chute.
6点钟，我们重建了降落伞。
We opened the doors, and the 6,000 remaining turkeys, the sun now low behind them, walked through to the pen.
我们打开门，剩下的 6,000 只火鸡，太阳已经落到它们身后，走进了围栏。
We cleaned up, we ate supper, and we went to bed.
我们收拾干净，吃了晚饭，就上床睡觉了。
That's the day we had before the night 3,000 turkeys died.
那是 3,000 只火鸡死亡的那天晚上之前的一天。
At midnight, mother woke us up.
半夜，妈妈叫醒了我们。
"We have to get to the pen.
“我们必须到达围栏。
Daddy needs us." We had been too exhausted to hear the storm.
爸爸需要我们。”我们太累了，听不到暴风雨的声音。
We ran out in the driving rain.
我们在倾盆大雨中跑了出去。
Flashes of lightning showed daddy picking up turkeys and throwing them one after the other.
闪电闪过，爸爸捡起火鸡，一只接一只地扔出去。
When people learn I grew up on a turkey farm, they invariably ask, "Is it true?
当人们得知我在火鸡农场长大时，他们总是会问：“这是真的吗？
Are they really so stupid that they open their mouths in the rain, look up at the sky, and drown?" The answer is yes.
难道他们真的傻到在雨中张开嘴，仰望天空，就被淹死了吗？”答案是肯定的。
Some of them do that.
他们中的一些人这样做。
They are that stupid.
他们就是那么愚蠢。
But that's not how 3,000 die in one night.
但这并不是一晚上就有 3,000 人死亡的原因。
They die because they are scared, and they huddle together in their fear.
他们因为害怕而死，他们在恐惧中挤在一起。
They climb on top of each other trying to get close, to find protection in the mass of bodies.
他们爬到彼此身上，试图靠近，在人群中寻找庇护。
And they suffocate.
他们会窒息。
We called it piling.
我们称之为打桩。
It wasn't unusual for a loud noise to cause a pile in the brooder house.
巨大的噪音在育雏舍内造成一堆堆的情况并不罕见。
If there wasn't someone to pull them off each other, 50 could die because someone slammed a door.
如果没有人将他们拉开，50 人可能会因为有人关上门而死亡。
But this was worse than any pile we'd seen.
但这比我们见过的任何一堆都糟糕。
Turkeys who'd never spent a night outdoors, panicked by thunder and lightning and rain in sheets.
从未在户外过夜的火鸡们被雷电和大雨惊慌失措。
All we could do was pull them out of the pile and throw them away from it.
我们所能做的就是把它们从堆里拉出来然后扔掉。
They would run back, still seeking the comfort of the group.
他们会跑回来，仍然寻求群体的安慰。
After a while, standing in mud, grabbing soaked turkeys, throwing them, grabbing some more, you don't know if the ones you are throwing are dead or alive.
过了一会儿，站在泥里，抓起浸湿的火鸡，把它们扔出去，再抓一些，你不知道你扔的火鸡是死是活。
You don't care.
你不在乎。
Maybe we saved some.
也许我们节省了一些。
The next day, the sky was cloudless, and the sun bore down on us again.
第二天，万里无云，阳光再次照在我们身上。
We picked up dead turkeys, throwing them onto the back of a flatbed truck.
我们捡起死火鸡，把它们扔到平板卡车的后面。
Daddy drove the truck into a field far from the house.
爸爸把卡车开进离家很远的田野里。
3,000 dead turkeys sitting in the Missouri sun for two days.
3,000只死火鸡在密苏里州的阳光下晒了两天。
The company that owned the turkeys had them insured against acts of God, so we couldn't do anything until the insurance inspector had seen them.
拥有火鸡的公司为它们投保了天灾保险，所以在保险检查员看到它们之前我们什么也做不了。
He came, a man from town in a white shirt and tie who held his handkerchief over his face when he got close to the truck.
他来了，是一个穿着白衬衫、系着领带的城里人，当他靠近卡车时，他用手帕遮住了脸。
He made no pretense of counting, just stood there gagging.
他没有假装数数，只是站在那里作呕。
After he left, Daddy shoveled the turkeys into Dead Turkey Gulch.
他走后，爸爸把火鸡铲进死火鸡峡谷。
He poured gasoline on them and struck a match.
他把汽油倒在他们身上，并划了一根火柴。
They burned for days.
他们烧了好几天。
Julie Showalter lives in the Chicago area.
朱莉·肖沃尔特住在芝加哥地区。
She says she still eats turkey twice a year.
她说她每年仍然吃两次火鸡。
She's just finished a novel called Needlework and is looking for a publisher.
她刚刚完成了一本名为《针线活》的小说，正在寻找出版商。
Well, David Sedaris is a commentator on NPR'S Morning Edition , the author of the book, Barrel Fever and the forthcoming book, Naked.
David Sedaris 是 NPR 早间版的评论员，也是《桶热》一书和即将出版的《裸体》一书的作者。
And he contributed the following story to our poultry slam.
他为我们的家禽大满贯贡献了以下故事。
It's an excerpt from his diaries.
这是他日记的摘录。
July 19, 1992.
1992 年 7 月 19 日。
This afternoon at the 26th Street flea market, I had one of those experiences that remind me why I shop in the first place.
今天下午，在第 26 街跳蚤市场，我的一次经历让我想起了自己购物的初衷。
Not shop like grocery shop, but step out into the world searching for that one thing I cannot name.
不是像杂货店那样购物，而是走进世界寻找我无法命名的东西。
I pass the usual objects, the grinning mammies offering themselves up as salt and pepper shakers, the coffee table made from dice, another head carved from a coconut.
我经过那些常见的物品，咧着嘴笑的妈妈们把自己当作盐瓶和胡椒瓶，用骰子做的咖啡桌，另一个用椰子雕刻的头像。
"That's collectible," the dealers say, referring to an ashtray in the shape of a doll-sized toilet bowl.
“这是有收藏价值的，”经销商说，指的是一个娃娃大小的马桶形状的烟灰缸。
Collectible to who?
收藏给谁？
Last weekend at the flea market, I saw this thing, a taxidermy turkey's head attached to its own foot.
上周末在跳蚤市场，我看到了这个东西，一个火鸡标本剥制而成的头连在自己的脚上。
This turkey was equipped with that length of flesh that spills from the top of its beak and fell to its neck.
这只火鸡的肉从它的喙顶部溢出，一直垂到脖子上。
Stiff red hair stood out from the head and shoulders, and the claws were really sharp.
坚硬的红色头发从头和肩膀上突出，爪子非常锋利。
You'd think that something armed like that might be able to protect itself.
你可能会认为，像这样武装起来的东西也许能够保护自己。
I pictured its maker standing by a chopping block saying, "I know.
我想象它的制造者站在砧板旁说：“我知道。
I'll take the turkey's head and attach it to the foot." Why would you do that?
我要把火鸡的头接在火鸡的脚上。”你为什么要这么做？
And more importantly, what sort of life would you lead that might enable you to make this connection?
更重要的是，你会过什么样的生活才能建立这种联系？
I was hypnotized by this object and asked the price as if I were under a spell.
我被这个东西催眠了，像中了魔一样询问价格。
"$45," the dealer said.
“45 美元，”经销商说。
My tongue was dry from hanging in the open air, and I tried to fit it back into my mouth.
我的舌头因悬在露天而干燥，我试图将它放回嘴里。
"All right," she said, "35, 30." But she could have gone up.
“好吧，”她说，“35、30。”但她本可以上升。
"All right, 85, 120, 370." I had no choice but to follow wherever she led me.
“好吧，85、120、370。”我别无选择，只能跟着她去哪里。
I handed over my wallet in a trance, just gave it to her, thinking she could take the whole thing, the cash, blank checks, library card, whatever.
我恍惚地把钱包递给她，以为她可以拿走所有东西，现金、空白支票、借书卡等等。
Take it all.
全部拿走。
I stared into the face of this taxidermied turkey's head and nothing else mattered.
我凝视着这只火鸡标本剥制的头部的脸，其他一切都不重要了。
Tomorrow, what's that?
明天，那是什么？
Yesterday doesn't count.
昨天不算。
My life began the moment I could call this thing my own.
我的生活从我可以把这东西称为我自己的那一刻开始。
On the way home, I felt giddy and confident that I could approach anyone at all and say, "I'll give you 100, no $500,000 if you can guess what I've got in this paper sack." And I swear that not one of them could have come up with the right answer.
在回家的路上，我感到头晕目眩，充满信心，我可以对任何人说：“如果你能猜出我这个纸袋里装的是什么，我就给你 100 美元，而不是 50 万美元。”我发誓他们中没有人能提出正确的答案。
I walked home 30 blocks, looking everyone square in the eye and thinking, "Sucker."
我步行 30 个街区回家，直视每个人的眼睛，心想：“傻瓜。”
David Sedaris lives in New York City.
大卫·塞达里斯住在纽约市。
The stage adaptation of his SantaLand Diaries is now at the Atlantic Theater in Manhattan.
他根据《圣诞老人日记》改编的舞台剧现已在曼哈顿大西洋剧院上演。
Thank you for calling WBEZ radio.
感谢您致电 WBEZ 电台。
Our offices are closed to observe the holiday.
我们的办公室因节日而关闭。
If you know your--
如果你知道你的——
[DIALING] Wbez Operator Please enter your mailbox number.
[拨号] Wbez 接线员 请输入您的邮箱号码。
[DIALING] Wbez Operator Please enter your security code.
[拨号] Wbez 接线员 请输入您的安全码。
[DIALING] Wbez Operator Greeting is on.
[拨号] Wbez 接线员问候语已开启。
You have one new and one saved message.
您有一封新邮件和一封已保存的邮件。
To listen, press five.
要收听，请按 5。
[DIALING] Michael Stumm Hi, Ira, this is Michael in South Africa.
[拨号] Michael Stumm 嗨，Ira，我是南非的 Michael。
Listen, about the item that we spoke about, the turkey's head attached to the turkey's foot, well, I spoke to some sangomas, which are witch doctors in the neighborhood about that thing.
听着，关于我们谈到的那个项目，火鸡的头附在火鸡的脚上，嗯，我和一些桑戈玛人谈过这件事，他们是附近的巫医。
And they've never heard of anything quite like it or seen anything quite like it.
他们从未听说过类似的事情，也从未见过类似的事情。
However, when I would describe it to them, their jaws dropped.
然而，当我向他们描述这一点时，他们的下巴都惊掉了。
But look, I discovered a whole bunch about poultry in South Africa, so call me back, OK?
但是看，我在南非发现了一大堆关于家禽的信息，所以给我回电话，好吗？
Well, Michael is Michael Stumm, performer, actor, former member of The Wooster Group in New York City.
好吧，迈克尔就是迈克尔·斯图姆 (Michael Stumm)，表演者、演员，纽约市伍斯特乐队 (The Wooster Group) 的前成员。
A former Chicagoan, now lives in Johannesburg, South Africa.
前芝加哥人，现居南非约翰内斯堡。
And I asked him to look into the uses of chicken and other poultry among the sangoma culture in South Africa.
我请他研究鸡肉和其他家禽在南非桑戈玛文化中的用途。
Sangomas, or witch doctors or herbalists or orators, you hear them called sometimes, they're common in South Africa.
桑戈马斯（Sangomas），或巫医或草药师或演说家，你有时会听到他们被称为，他们在南非很常见。
Everybody seems to know one.
似乎每个人都认识一个。
And chickens are one of their main tools.
鸡是他们的主要工具之一。
Well, it's a funny thing.
嗯，这是一件有趣的事情。
I've discovered that over half the country is just awash in chicken blood.
我发现超过一半的国家都充满了鸡血。
It's a substance that comes in so handy.
这是一种非常方便的物质。
It's rather like-- gosh, I don't know-- it flows like milk does in America or Dr. Bronner's chamomile soap or some other easily spilled liquid in modern America.
它很像——天哪，我不知道——它的流动就像美国的牛奶，或者现代美国布朗纳博士的洋甘菊肥皂或其他一些容易溢出的液体。
It's an incredibly versatile product.
这是一款令人难以置信的多功能产品。
You can lose bad luck with it.
你可以用它来摆脱厄运。
You can strengthen a faulty muscle with it.
你可以用它来强化有缺陷的肌肉。
You can improve your eyesight with it.
您可以用它来改善视力。
You can find lost items with it.
您可以用它找到丢失的物品。
You can get your wife back with it.
你可以用它让你的妻子回来。
You can transfer your bad luck to someone else with it.
你可以用它把你的霉运转移给别人。
I mean, I had someone tell me that there is a ceremony involving the killing of a chicken in a rather baroque manner, which I'll describe to you.
我的意思是，有人告诉我有一个仪式，涉及以相当巴洛克的方式杀鸡，我将向你描述一下。
But this is a very specific ceremony that involved losing your court papers at court.
但这是一个非常具体的仪式，涉及在法庭上丢失法庭文件。
In other words, if you do this thing with this chicken, the court will lose the papers, and that's how you will go free?
换句话说，如果你对这只鸡做出这种事，法庭就会失去文件，你就可以无罪释放了？
Sure, because I'm sure many of our listeners get into these kinds of situations and have wondered, how can we make, for example, the US District Attorney simply lose that file?
当然，因为我确信我们的许多听众都会遇到这种情况，并且想知道，我们怎样才能让美国地方检察官简单地丢失该文件？
Yeah, you are arrested.
是的，你被捕了。
A court date is set.
开庭日期已确定。
You then go home to your witch doctor.
然后你回家去找你的巫医。
You bring him a white chicken.
你给他带来一只白鸡。
It has to be a white chicken.
一定是白鸡。
The witch doctor then prescribes some muti, which is medicine.
然后巫医会开一些 muti，即药物。
It can come in many, many forms.
它可以有很多种形式。
Perhaps it's a powder.
也许它是一种粉末。
Perhaps it's a liquid.
也许它是一种液体。
It doesn't really matter because you're going to take the muti yourself.
这并不重要，因为你要自己拿走 muti。
You then take the chicken and the muti to the nearest mountain.
然后你把鸡和穆蒂带到最近的山上。
You climb to the top of the mountain.
你爬到山顶。
You dig a hole.
你挖个洞。
You dig a hole large enough for the chicken to fit in.
你挖一个足够大的洞，让鸡可以放进去。
You then speak to the chicken.
然后你对鸡说话。
You say to the chicken, "This is what I want to have happen.
你对鸡说：“这就是我想要发生的事情。
I would like my United States federal court tax document, file number 869102b, to disappear." Or whatever it is that you want to disappear.
我希望我的美国联邦法院税务文件（文件号 869102b）消失。”或者无论您想消失什么。
You then take a large sewing needle, and you poke the chicken's eyes out with this sewing needle.
然后你拿一根大缝纫针，用这根缝纫针把鸡的眼睛戳出来。
You then bury the chicken, the now blind chicken, alive in the hole.
然后你把那只鸡，现在已经失明的鸡，活活埋在洞里。
You put him in the hole.
你把他放进坑里了。
You put the dirt back on.
你把污垢放回去。
Then this chicken is going to do something for you in the afterworld after you've poked out its eyes and you're burying it alive?
那么当你把它的眼睛挖出来并活埋之后，这只鸡会在来世为你做点什么吗？
This chicken is going to do you a favor among the mystic spirits?
这只鸡会在神秘的灵魂中帮你一个忙吗？
Magic is funny, Ira.
魔术很有趣，艾拉。
What can I say?
我能说什么？
Essentially, it's the end of the ceremony.
基本上，仪式就结束了。
You leave the chicken, and then you go.
你留下鸡，然后你就走。
And as it was described to me, you go back to your court date on the day of your court date, and your papers will be lost.
正如我所描述的，您在出庭当天返回出庭日期，您的文件将会丢失。
People will say to you, "You have no papers.
人们会对你说：“你没有证件。
You are free." That's how it was described to me.
你是自由的。”这就是他们向我描述的。
Now, Mr. Stumm, in the interest of accurate reporting, have you talked to anyone who claims that this worked for them personally?
现在，斯图姆先生，为了准确报道，您是否与任何声称这对他们个人有效的人交谈过？
Well, the gentleman I spoke to has heard of this working.
嗯，与我交谈的那位先生听说过这项工作。
He has not actually been arrested himself and caused his papers to disappear in this manner.
他本人实际上并未被捕并以这种方式导致他的证件消失。
But apparently, there are gangs of chicken rustlers here, not unlike cattle rustling in Western movies.
但显然，这里有一群偷鸡贼，就像西方电影中的偷牛贼一样。
You're making this up.
这是你编造的。
Michael Stumm Cattle rustlers.
迈克尔·斯图姆（Michael Stumm） 偷牛贼。
Chicken rustlers.
偷鸡贼。
Michael Stumm Chicken rustlers, I swear.
迈克尔·斯图姆（Michael Stumm）是偷鸡贼，我发誓。
What kind of dignity is there in that for a man?
对于一个男人来说，这还有什么尊严？
Let me just ask you that.
让我问你这个问题。
Chicken rustling?
鸡沙沙作响？
Ira Glass Yeah, you rustle some cattle, and you feel like a man.
艾拉·格拉斯：是的，你让一些牛沙沙作响，你就感觉自己像个男人了。
But you rustle a chicken, I mean, the word rustle doesn't even seem like it's the right word.
但你让一只鸡沙沙作响，我的意思是，“沙沙沙沙”这个词似乎不是正确的词。
It's just too big a word.
这句话太大了。
It's too grand a word.
这个词太宏大了。
You don't hear the strands of Aaron Copland when the word rustle comes up next to the word chicken.
当“沙沙”这个词出现在“鸡”这个词旁边时，你听不到亚伦·科普兰的声音。
Hold on for a second.
等一下。
I'm just going to put on some Aaron Copland here right now.
我现在要放一些亚伦·科普兰在这里。
I just wanted you to conjure a scene of the chicken rustlers.
我只是想让你想象一下偷鸡贼的场景。
Could you just describe how you picture them?
你能描述一下你是如何想象它们的吗？
The music is going now.
现在音乐响起。
Well, I think as I picture a chicken rustle, they probably wait until the sun goes down.
嗯，我想当我想象鸡的沙沙声时，它们可能会等到太阳下山。
And they probably have a sack, because if you stick a chicken in a sack, she is not going to make noise.
他们可能有一个麻袋，因为如果你把一只鸡放进麻袋里，她就不会发出声音。
So they probably chuck a bunch of chickens in the sack, as many as they can get away with until the chickens who are not in the sack start making noise.
所以他们可能会往麻袋里扔一堆鸡，尽可能多的鸡，直到不在麻袋里的鸡开始发出噪音。
And then they run away.
然后他们就逃跑了。
That's how I envision a chicken rustling.
这就是我想象的鸡沙沙作响的样子。
Michael, do chicken rustlers ever get rustled themselves?
迈克尔，偷鸡贼自己也被偷过吗？
I mean is it like the mafia, where it goes back and forth and back and forth in an endless cycle of violence and rustling?
我的意思是，它是否像黑手党一样，在暴力和沙沙作响的无休止的循环中来来回回？
Luca Brasi sleeps with the chickens.
卢卡·布拉西 (Luca Brasi) 和鸡们一起睡觉。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Act Five, Chickenman, Like the Phoenix.
第五幕，鸡人如凤凰。
As a child, I did not care about the radio.
小时候，我并不关心收音机。
In fact, I have to say that there was only one thing that I remember hearing on the radio up until the age of 16, I'd say.
事实上，我不得不说，直到 16 岁之前，我只记得在广播中听到过一件事。
And that was Chickenman.
那就是鸡人。
It had all these qualities of radio that I've since come to value.
它具有收音机的所有这些品质，从那时起我就开始重视这些品质。
It was surprising.
这是令人惊讶的。
It was funny.
这很有趣。
It had its own sound, a sound that was completely distinctive and instantly recognizable and appealing.
它有自己的声音，一种完全独特、一眼就能辨认和吸引人的声音。
Dick Orkin was the voice of Chickenman, and in the years since Chickenman, he's done tons of work, including lots of commercials in that deadpan style, a style which hundreds of people all over the country have tried to imitate.
迪克·奥金（Dick Orkin）是《鸡人》的配音员，自从《鸡人》问世后的这些年里，他做了很多工作，包括许多面无表情风格的广告，全国各地数百人都试图模仿这种风格。
Nobody ever gets it right.
没有人能做对。
And it's a pleasure, it's an honor to have him on our program.
很高兴、很荣幸他能加入我们的节目。
Last year when This American Life was just a local program in Chicago, before you could hear it around the country, we invited Dick Orkin to create a new Chickenman episode for our Poultry Slam.
去年，当《美国生活》只是芝加哥的一个本地节目时，在全国各地都能听到它之前，我们邀请迪克·奥金为我们的《Poultry Slam》创作了新的《Chickenman》剧集。
And he put a cast together, put together the first new episode since 1969.
他召集了演员阵容，制作了自 1969 年以来的第一部新剧集。
In this episode, Chickenman is a quarter century older, like his creator, and he faces a new set of problems.
在这一集中，鸡人像他的创造者一样老了四分之一个世纪，他面临着一系列新的问题。
Now, another exciting episode in the life of the most fantastic crime fighter the world has ever known, Chickenman.
现在，世界上最出色的犯罪斗士“鸡人”的生活中又一个激动人心的插曲。
Tuesday morning, 9:30 AM.
星期二早上 9:30。
The chicken alarm in my chicken cave goes off 30 minutes late, which makes me late for my annual physical at my doctor, [?
我的鸡洞里的鸡警报器迟到了 30 分钟，这让我迟到了我的医生年度体检，[？
Dupont ?] Chopper.
杜邦？]乔巴。
I didn't want to be late since it was my first in 30 years.
我不想迟到，因为这是我 30 年来第一次迟到。
9:50 AM.
上午 9:50。
I get a flat as I pull the chicken Coupe out of the chicken garage.
当我把小鸡轿跑车从养鸡车库里拉出来时，我的车瘪了。
So I take the convenient number 32 bus, which drops me off only 14 blocks from the doctor's office.
于是我乘坐方便的 32 路公交车，在距医生办公室仅 14 个街区的地方下车。
You're late.
你迟到了。
You're late for a very important date.
一个非常重要的约会你迟到了。
Says the doctor, and I say, "I know.
医生说，我说：“我知道。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
All the air went out of my whatchamacallit."
我的一切空气都被抽空了。”
That happens to all of us.
我们所有人都会遇到这种情况。
Age.
年龄。
Try not to sit on sharp things, and don't think sharp things.
尽量不要坐在尖锐的东西上，也不要思考尖锐的事情。
OK.
好的。
Doctor Body, mind, mind body in all you do.
医生在你所做的一切中，身体、心灵、心灵、身体。
And Santa Claus is watching you.
圣诞老人正在看着你。
11:00 AM, after several tests and poking and prodding.
上午 11:00，经过多次测试和戳戳。
Well, your cholesterol is a little high.
嗯，你的胆固醇有点高。
The pain in your toes is arthritis, and I think you have the beginning of a nice hernia.
你脚趾的疼痛是关节炎，我想你已经开始患上疝气了。
Well, technically it's not high because one, it is in your mind.
嗯，从技术上讲，它并不高，因为它就在你的脑海里。
And two, it is your bad cholesterol that's bad.
第二，有害的是你的坏胆固醇。
Your good cholesterol is not good, but in time, your cholesterol will be good, and your good cholesterol will be bad.
你的好胆固醇不好，但随着时间的推移，你的胆固醇会变好，而你的好胆固醇也会变坏。
And that's not good.
那不好。
Anything else?
还有别的吗？
Doctor Yes, you are ugly.
医生是的，你很丑。
That's my chicken mask, the beak and the feathers.
这是我的小鸡面具，还有喙和羽毛。
Well, that's the idea.
嗯，就是这个想法。
Otherwise, I couldn't strike terror into the hearts of vicious criminals everywhere.
否则，我无法让各地的恶人心生恐惧。
Aha, well don't look at small children or animals.
啊哈，别看小孩子或动物。
Anyway, that's the health story, but I don't think you have to alter your lifestyle unless you are a crime-fighting superhero of some kind.
不管怎样，这就是健康故事，但我认为你不必改变你的生活方式，除非你是某种打击犯罪的超级英雄。
[LAUGHS] Want to buy one of my tapes?
[笑]想买我的一盘磁带吗？
12:00 noon.
中午 12:00。
I return to the chicken cave, and there in the chicken mirror-- ah!-- I see something horrible.
我回到鸡洞，在鸡镜里——啊！——我看到了一些可怕的东西。
No, not my ugly face, my own mortality.
不，不是我丑陋的面孔，而是我自己的死亡。
I ask myself why it never stared me in the face before.
我问自己为什么它以前从未直视过我。
After all, I've been fighting crime and or evil for over 30 years, pursuing it down streets and alleys and sewers and other picturesque places, and my mortality never came up even once.
毕竟，我已经与犯罪和/或邪恶作斗争超过30年，在大街小巷、下水道和其他风景如画的地方追寻它们，而我的死亡从未出现过。
1:40 PM.
下午 1:40。
I go see the police commissioner and share with him the doctor's diagnosis.
我去见警察局长并与他分享医生的诊断结果。
After all, he is my closest friend, and if I can't tell him the bad news, who can I tell?
毕竟，他是我最亲密的朋友，如果我不能告诉他这个坏消息，我能告诉谁呢？
So I give him a new coloring book I bought for him and tell him my sad news.
所以我给了他一本我给他买的新涂色书，并告诉他我的悲伤消息。
And he says--
他说——
Uh-huh.
嗯嗯。
This looks like a real neat coloring book.
这看起来像是一本真正简洁的涂色书。
About what?
关于什么？
Chickenman What I just shared with you?
Chickenman 我刚才和你分享了什么？
About the diagnosis and the need to alter my lifestyle.
关于诊断和改变我的生活方式的必要性。
Oh, well that would mean that you'd have to-- and of course one cant even be sure that, you know-- so anyway that's how I see it.
哦，好吧，这意味着你必须——当然，你知道，人们甚至不能确定这一点——所以无论如何，这就是我的看法。
OK, thanks, Commissioner.
好的，谢谢专员。
Commissioner Anytime, winged warrior.
随时专员，有翼战士。
After all, what are friends for?
毕竟，朋友是用来做什么的？
And may I ask you a question?
我可以问你一个问题吗？
OK.
好的。
Commissioner If I make the sky blue in this picture and the mountains brown, do you think the rocks should be chartreuse?
专员如果我把这张照片中的天空变成蓝色，山脉变成棕色，你认为岩石应该是黄绿色的吗？
Perfect.
完美。
4:00 PM.
下午 4:00。
I go to the local office of the Gracehill Fergus employment agency and screen door company.
我去了 Gracehill Fergus 就业机构和纱门公司的当地办事处。
OK, when you say something more sed-rentary like what do you mean?
好吧，当你说一些更需要静坐的东西时，你的意思是什么？
No, sedentary you know, things where I can seden--sit.
不，久坐你知道，那些我可以久坐的地方——坐着。
Yeah.
是的。
Employment Agent I just started here.
就业代理 我刚来这里。
I'm supposed to ask some questions.
我应该问一些问题。
What kind of previous work experience do you have?
您之前有什么样的工作经验？
OK, and what special equipment, office or otherwise, are you experienced in using?
好的，您有使用什么特殊设备（办公室或其他）的经验吗？
Geshtukana ray gun.
Geshtukana 射线枪。
Employment Agent Could you spell that?
就业代理 你能拼出这个吗？
G-E-S-H-T-U-K-N-A.
G-E-S-H-T-U-K-N-A。
And I also worked a chicken dissolver and a chicken modulator and a can opener.
我还制作了鸡肉溶解器、鸡肉调制器和开罐器。
T-U-K-- Chickenman A-N-A.
T-U-K-- 小鸡人 A-N-A。
So what do you have in light work that I could do?
那么你有哪些轻松的工作是我可以做的呢？
A-N-- Chickenman A.
A-N-- 小鸡人 A.
That's it.
就是这样。
Geshtukana.
盖什图卡纳。
You got it?
你明白了吗？
OK, do you know Windows 95?
好吧，你了解 Windows 95 吗？
Chickenman Look, what light job openings are on your list there?
Chickenman 看看，您的清单上有哪些轻松的职位空缺？
Just look.
看看吧。
Heavy cable puller, refrigerator and piano mover, cement hailer--
重型拉线机、冰箱钢琴搬运工、水泥打捞机--
Hauler.
搬运工。
Employment Agent OK.
就业代理好。
[SCREAMING] Big tree planter, circus tent.
[尖叫]大树种植者，马戏团帐篷。
Miss, not holler.
小姐，不是喊叫。
Those are all active and heavy things.
这些都是活跃的、沉重的事情。
Anything light I could do?
我能做点什么吗？
Yes, a negligee model in a delicatessen.
是的，熟食店里的睡衣模特。
I don't wear-- Employment Agent Oh, well, scratch that then.
我不穿——就业代理哦，好吧，那就从头开始吧。
Requires previous experience.
需要以前的经验。
Oh, here's something really perfect.
哦，这里有一些非常完美的东西。
What's that?
那是什么？
Employment Agent A napkin folder in a nouveau Italian-Chinese restaurant specializing in pizza and light salads.
就业代理 一家新式意式中餐厅，专门供应披萨和清淡沙拉，里面有一个餐巾夹。
Takeout available.
可以外卖。
Mmm, I'm hungry.
嗯嗯，我饿了。
Wednesday morning, 9:30 AM.
星期三早上 9:30。
My chicken alarm goes off a half hour late for my geriatric counseling appointment.
我的小鸡闹钟比我的老年咨询预约晚了半个小时。
Tire still flat.
轮胎还是瘪的。
So I take the convenient number 18 bus, and that leaves me off only 28 blocks from the counselor's office.
于是我乘坐方便的 18 路公交车，距离辅导员办公室只有 28 个街区。
I have one word of advice, mister.
我有一句话忠告，先生。
Get out.
出去。
Do you mean from this office?
你是说从这个办公室来的吗？
Counselor I mean get out.
辅导员 我的意思是滚出去。
O-U-T.
出去。
OK, I'm a few minutes late.
好吧，我迟到了几分钟。
Counselor You're 30 years too late.
辅导员 你晚了 30 年。
Get out.
出去。
May I suggest a small desert superhero retirement community.
我可以建议一个小型沙漠超级英雄退休社区吗？
You play golf?
你打高尔夫球吗？
Not real good, no. Counselor Good, you'll fit right in.
不太好，不。辅导员 好的，你很适合。
Neither does Fishwoman or that flying newt.
Fishwoman 和飞蝾螈也没有。
I sent them there.
我把他们送到那里。
They love it.
他们喜欢它。
Fishwoman?
鱼女？
Counselor Yeah, a little scaly, nice personality.
辅导员 是的，有点鳞片，性格很好。
OK.
好的。
Counselor Want to buy one of my tapes?
辅导员想买我的一盘磁带吗？
2:00 AM next morning.
第二天凌晨 2:00。
I can't sleep, and I sip warm milk in the chicken cave.
我睡不着，在鸡洞里喝着温牛奶。
What to do?
该怎么办？
I'm on the horns of a dilemma.
我正处于进退两难的境地。
Heavy concrete hauler?
重型混凝土运输车？
Fold napkins in nouveau Italian-Chinese restaurant specializing in pizza and light salads?
在专营披萨和清淡沙拉的新意中餐厅折叠餐巾？
Or challenge the fates?
还是挑战命运？
8:00 AM.
上午 8:00。
I stand on the roof of the Midland City's skyscraper, four dizzy stories high.
我站在米德兰城摩天大楼的屋顶上，四层楼高，令人眼花缭乱。
I hurl a challenge to the fates.
我向命运发起挑战。
"This is the winged warrior, fates.
“这就是有翼战士，命运。
I shall go on fighting crime and or evil.
我将继续打击犯罪和/或邪恶。
I don't care that my bad cholesterol is bad, that--" Suddenly, a black cloud forms swiftly in the sky, and I hear--
我不在乎我的坏胆固醇是坏的，那——”突然，天空中迅速形成一朵乌云，我听到——
OK, do what you want.
好吧，做你想做的吧。
We'll try to be there for you, but watch the fatty foods, the cookies, the ice cream, and good luck to you.
我们会尽力为您服务，但请注意油腻食物、饼干、冰淇淋，祝您好运。
Which one?
哪一个？
Frank Frank.
弗兰克弗兰克.
Phyllis, Fran, and Fred are in Las Vegas.
菲利斯、弗兰和弗雷德在拉斯维加斯。
God bless them.
上帝保佑他们。
They should only win and be well.
他们应该只赢并且保持健康。
OK, well, fine, I'll just carry on then.
好吧，好吧，那我就继续吧。
OK, listen, could you change that mask you're wearing?
好吧，听着，你能换一下你戴的面具吗？
Now it's very ugly and could scare kids and small animals.
现在它非常丑陋，可能会吓到孩子和小动物。
Thank you very much.
非常感谢。
Right.
正确的。
And at that moment, I knew fate was blind, and I, the famous fowl, would have the last laugh.
那一刻，我知道命运是盲目的，而我，这只名禽，将会笑到最后。
For you see, I wasn't wearing a mask.
你看，我没有戴口罩。
[LAUGHS]
[笑]
Well, what has the winged warrior gotten himself into here?
好吧，这位长翼战士到底惹了什么祸？
Can he actually stop time by challenging the fates?
他真的可以通过挑战命运来让时间停止吗？
And is it Frank Fate he's talking to or George Jessel?
他正在和弗兰克·法特说话，还是乔治·杰塞尔？
And another thing, doesn't that nouveau Italian-Chinese restaurant sound super trendy?
还有一件事，那家新意式中餐厅听起来不是很时尚吗？
Be listening tomorrow for another exciting episode in the life of the most fantastic crime fighter the world has ever known, Chickenman.
明天请收听世界上最出色的犯罪斗士“小鸡人”一生中又一个激动人心的插曲。
Well, "Chickenman Challenges a Fate Named Frank" was recorded at Dick Orkin's radio ranch in Hollywood, California.
嗯，《鸡人挑战弗兰克的命运》是在加利福尼亚州好莱坞迪克·奥金的广播牧场录制的。
Along with Dick Orkin, the cast included Allison Ann Martin, Miriam Flynn, Charlie Brill, and Jim Gallant.
除迪克·奥金外，演员阵容还包括艾莉森·安·马丁、米里亚姆·弗林、查理·布里尔和吉姆·加兰特。
Engineers Elizabeth Lane and James [?
工程师伊丽莎白·莱恩和詹姆斯[？
Burns, ?] written by Dick Orkin and Christine Coyle.
伯恩斯，？]由迪克·奥金和克里斯汀·科伊尔撰写。
Miss Flynn's hairstyle by Mr. Bunny.
兔子先生为弗林小姐设计的发型。
If you want more information about Chickenman , it is on the internet with sound files that you can get at this address, www.radio-ranch.com.
如果您想了解有关 Chickenman 的更多信息，您可以在互联网上通过以下地址获取声音文件：www.radio-ranch.com。
Well, today's program was produced by Nancy Updike, Peter Clowney, Alix Spiegel, Dolores Wilber, and myself.
嗯，今天的节目是由南希·厄普代克、彼得·克劳尼、阿利克斯·斯皮格尔、多洛雷斯·威尔伯和我自己制作的。
Contributing editors Margy Rochlin, Paul Tough, and Jack Hitt.
特约编辑 Margy Rochlin、Paul Tough 和 Jack Hitt。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] Danielle I just want a real person who's like Duki probably.
[致谢] Danielle 我只想要一个可能像 Duki 那样的真实的人。
I want to go marry some guy who's like Duki.
我想嫁给像杜基这样的人。
And how is that search going?
搜寻进展如何？
Danielle Not well.
丹妮尔 不太好。
If you'd like to buy a copy of this or any of our This American Life programs, they make a fine stocking stuffer.
如果您想购买本节目或我们的《This American Life》节目中的任何节目，它们都是精美的圣诞礼物。
Christmas is coming up.
圣诞节快到了。
Don't delay.
不要拖延。
Call us at WBEZ here in Chicago, 312-832-3380.
请致电芝加哥 WBEZ，电话：312-832-3380。
312-832-3380.
312-832-3380。
The cost is $10.
费用为 10 美元。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Ira, don't make me sound like an idiot, OK?
艾拉，别让我听起来像个白痴，好吗？
Done.
完毕。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life .
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。