426: Tough Room 2011 - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #426 | February 4, 2011 426: Tough Room 2011 Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 426 集 | 2011 年 2 月 4 日 426：艰难的房间 2011 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass They can laugh about it now, the Ohm family.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯 欧姆家族现在可以对此一笑置之了。
It was Thanksgiving dinner, suburban Minneapolis, big spread, pumpkins on the table, 14 people.
那是感恩节晚餐，明尼阿波利斯郊区，丰盛的晚餐，桌上有南瓜，共有 14 个人。
And it was 2002, the year after 9/11.
那是 2002 年，即 9/11 事件的后年。
And we were all just talking about 9/11, just 9/11 anything.
我们都在谈论 9/11，只是 9/11 的任何事情。
This is Alexis, the baby of the family.
这是亚历克西斯，家里的宝贝。
She and her parents came into our studio and talked with one of our show's producers, Alex Blumberg.
她和她的父母来到我们的工作室，与我们节目的制作人之一亚历克斯·布隆伯格进行了交谈。
And one of the topics that was brought up was Osama bin Laden.
提出的话题之一是奥萨马·本·拉登。
And I, just for some reason, just said I thought he was attractive.
而我，出于某种原因，只是说我认为他很有魅力。
I thought he was hot.
我以为他很热。
And my dad really didn't appreciate that comment.
我父亲真的不喜欢这个评论。
I wasn't going to listen to any of it.
我什么都不想听。
I really wasn't.
我真的不是。
I mean, I wasn't going to let any comment like that, about his looks, get one inch further out of her mouth.
我的意思是，我不会让任何关于他的外表的评论从她嘴里说出来。
I'll say to this day, it was ridiculous.
直到今天我都会说，这太荒谬了。
What did your father say?
你父亲说什么？
Alexis Ohm I think he told me to [BLEEP] off.
亚历克西斯·欧姆（Alexis Ohm）我想他让我[BLEEP]关掉。
That had never happened before.
这以前从未发生过。
Alexis looked at her two little cousins, Henry and Hugo, who didn't know how to react.
亚历克西斯看着她的两个小表弟亨利和雨果，他们不知道该如何反应。
Her mom, Diane, didn't know how to react.
她的妈妈黛安不知道该如何反应。
I just saw my whole meal that I'd spent a week preparing kind of going up in flames with that statement.
我刚刚看到我花了一周时间准备的整顿饭都因为这句话而燃烧起来。
The minute the f-bomb landed I thought, well, now what am I going to do?
当这句脏话落地的那一刻，我就想，好吧，现在我该怎么办？
There sat these two precious little boys.
那里坐着两个可爱的小男孩。
And their eyes were as biggest as saucers.
他们的眼睛像碟子一样大。
I had a do something, anything to smooth this horrible situation over.
我必须做点什么，任何事情来平息这个可怕的局面。
So I think I probably said something like well, you know what?
所以我想我可能说了类似的话，你知道吗？
He does kind of look like Jesus, with the long hair.
他确实有点像耶稣，留着长发。
So just to smooth it over, that's what I remember myself saying.
为了平息一切，我记得我自己是这么说的。
Yeah.
是的。
Needless to say, comparing Osama bin Laden to Jesus didn't exactly smooth things over.
不用说，将奥萨马·本·拉登与耶稣进行比较并不能完全解决问题。
Yeah, I probably went to about 250 degrees.
是的，我的温度可能达到了 250 度左右。
I think I got out of my chair.
我想我从椅子上站了起来。
I really did.
我真的做到了。
I said if that's the best we can come up with after what's happened to our country, boy, I'll tell you.
我说，如果这是我们国家发生这一切之后我们能想到的最好办法，孩子，我会告诉你的。
He was going off.
他要走了。
And when Jeff goes off, we all listen.
当杰夫离开时，我们都会听。
I do remember him saying something horrible like, I think the Middle East should be made into a parking lot.
我确实记得他说过一些可怕的话，比如，我认为中东应该变成一个停车场。
I guess in retrospect, my reaction I regret, for what I said.
我想现在回想起来，我对我的反应感到后悔，因为我说过的话。
But I had to get my point across.
但我必须表达我的观点。
I just, for some reason, had no appreciation for what Osama bin Laden looked like.
只是出于某种原因，我不欣赏奥萨马·本·拉登的长相。
This guy, I don't care what he looks like.
这个人，我不在乎他长什么样。
I don't care if he looked like Paul Newman.
我不在乎他是否看起来像保罗·纽曼。
He's still responsible for what he did.
他仍然要为他所做的事负责。
The looks things, it just jacked me right there.
看起来的事情，它就在那里把我吸引住了。
Alexis pretty much knew what she was getting into talking about Osama bin Laden this way with her dad.
亚历克西斯非常清楚她以这种方式与父亲谈论奥萨马·本·拉登会带来什么后果。
He's conservative and served in the army.
他是保守派，曾在军队服役。
She knew what kind of room she was working.
她知道自己在什么样的房间里工作。
But she hadn't really factored in the fact that it was Thanksgiving dinner.
但她并没有真正考虑到这是感恩节晚餐。
Her dad says that a lot of what made it blow up.
她的父亲说，有很多因素导致了事情的爆发。
That was just the wrong place at the wrong time.
那只是在错误的时间出现在错误的地点。
It really was.
确实如此。
I think the tension of Thanksgiving, getting the food all on the table, getting prepared, getting going.
我想到了感恩节的紧张气氛，把食物全部摆上餐桌，做好准备，出发。
And then all of a sudden, here we go.
然后突然之间，我们开始了。
Today on our show, we have stories of people facing various kinds of tough rooms.
今天在我们的节目中，我们讲述了人们面对各种艰难房间的故事。
Trying to calculate what they're going to say, what they can get away with, and usually not getting the reactions they figured they were going to get.
试图计算他们要说什么，他们可以逃脱什么，但通常不会得到他们认为会得到的反应。
WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life distributed by Public Radio International.
WBEZ 芝加哥，这是国际公共广播电台发行的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Our program today.
我们今天的节目。
Tough Room in tough acts.
艰难的房间，艰难的行为。
Act One, Make 'Em Laff, in which we go among comedy professionals who face a room that is so tough there is just one laugh every 100 jokes.
第一幕《让他们笑》中，我们置身于喜剧专业人士之中，他们面临着一个非常艰难的房间，每 100 个笑话中只有一个笑声。
Act Two, Bar Car Prophesy.
第二幕，酒吧汽车预言。
A young person tries to hang out in a tough room full of adults-- adults and booze.
一个年轻人试图在一个满是成年人的艰难房间里闲逛——成年人和酒。
Act Three, Mission: Impossible.
第三幕，《不可能的任务》。
At the doorsteps to one of the great secular temples to science ever built, New York's Museum of Natural History, two Mormon missionaries work a very tough sidewalk as they try to bring unbelievers over to their way of seeing things.
在有史以来最伟大的世俗科学圣殿之一——纽约自然历史博物馆的门口，两名摩门教传教士在一条非常艰难的人行道上行走，试图让非信徒接受他们看待事物的方式。
Act Four, we go to the opposite of a tough room, the easiest room anywhere in this country.
第四幕，我们来到一个艰难房间的对面，这是这个国家最简单的房间。
Well, maybe in this country isn't the right way to put it.
好吧，也许在这个国家这样说并不正确。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Make 'Em Laff.
第一幕，让他们发疯。
There are tough rooms for salesmen, tough rooms for politicians, and tough rooms for teachers, and grant applicants, job interviewees, and doctoral students taking their orals.
推销员有困难的房间，政治家有困难的房间，教师有困难的房间，资助申请者、求职面试者和进行口语的博士生也有困难的房间。
But I think the classic tough room, the tough room the defines them all, is when a comedian stands in front of a silent audience delivering one joke after another and getting nothing back whatsoever.
但我认为，经典的艰难房间，定义了所有人的艰难房间，就是当一位喜剧演员站在沉默的观众面前，讲一个又一个笑话，却得不到任何回报。
And there's no tougher audience than other comedians.
没有比其他喜剧演员更难对付的观众了。
All right, here we go.
好吧，我们开始吧。
Global warming proven by one 50-degree day in January.
一月的一天 50 度的气温证明了全球变暖。
Area man just wants to know if he should cancel his annual Oscars party or not.
地区男子只是想知道他是否应该取消一年一度的奥斯卡派对。
Nation guesses it will have the chicken Caesar salad.
Nation猜测会有鸡肉凯撒沙拉。
It's Monday morning in the offices of The Onion.
这是周一早上，洋葱报的办公室里。
And to start the new issue, each of the the writers has brought in a list of 15 headlines for their fake news newspaper.
为了开始新一期，每位作者都为他们的假新闻报纸列出了 15 个标题。
There are eight people at the table, seven men and one woman-- which is par for the course in the comedy business-- almost all of them are in their 20s.
餐桌上有八个人，七男一女——这在喜剧界是很正常的——几乎所有人都是 20 多岁。
Seth Reiss goes first.
赛斯·赖斯（Seth Reiss）先行。
He's just 24, been at the paper for two years.
他才24岁，在报社工作两年了。
And the way it works is, if Seth can convince two people to vote for a headline, it survives one more day till the next round of editing.
它的工作原理是，如果塞思能够说服两个人投票支持一个标题，它就会多存活一天，直到下一轮编辑。
Star of David to add seventh point.
大卫之星添加第七分。
Report: America runs on--
报告：美国继续——
Wait.
等等。
I'm sorry, it got enough votes.
抱歉，票数已经够多了。
I just didn't understand why that was funny and I was going to ask for it.
我只是不明白为什么这很有趣，我想问一下。
I just thinks it's silly.
我只是觉得这很愚蠢。
Todd Hanson OK.
托德·汉森 好的。
I'm just saying.
我只是说说而已。
The jokes survives.
笑话仍然存在。
Seth marks it with a highlighter.
赛斯用荧光笔标记了它。
I came here because by the time they're done with this process, The Onion is one of the most reliably funny things out there.
我来到这里是因为当他们完成这个过程时，洋葱是那里最可靠有趣的东西之一。
And I heard that one of the reasons for that was this room.
我听说原因之一就是这个房间。
It was a very tough room with a tough-minded editorial process that they'd been using for 20 years.
这是一个非常艰苦的房间，有着严格的编辑流程，他们已经使用了 20 年。
And I wanted to see what that meant.
我想看看这意味着什么。
Car commercial pretty adamant about car.
汽车广告对汽车的态度非常坚决。
Yeah.
是的。
Onion Comedy Writer Class struggle a breeze for local investment banker.
洋葱喜剧作家班对于当地投资银行家来说是轻而易举的事。
Todd?
托德？
[LAUGHTER] Megan Ganz Now you're just calling out who you want to vote for them?
[笑声] Megan Ganz 现在你只是喊出你想投票给谁？
That's not right.
那是不对的。
Though it's incredibly popular-- with three quarters of a million copies in print each week, plus five million individual visitors at the website every month-- it's possible that, especially if you're older, you've never actually read The Onion.
尽管它非常受欢迎——每周印刷四分之三百万份，每月网站上有五百万个人访问者——但你可能从未真正读过《洋葱报》，尤其是当你年纪较大时。
So here's what you need to know.
这就是您需要了解的内容。
It's written in newspaper form, though lots of the funniest stories aren't really new parody, but just everyday life described in a deadpan newspaper style.
它以报纸的形式写成，尽管许多最有趣的故事并不是真正的新模仿，而只是以面无表情的报纸风格描述日常生活。
Like, "Stoners Announce Plans to Get Stoned for That," or "Rejection Letter Silently Flipped Off," or "Control of Anecdote Rested from Boyfriend." These were all considered for this one issue, by the way.
比如，“吸毒者宣布计划为此吸毒”，或者“拒绝信悄悄地被拒绝”，或者“男友不再控制轶事”。顺便说一句，这些都是针对这一问题考虑的。
The younger staffers say that it's hard not to take what happens in this room personally sometimes.
年轻的员工们表示，有时很难不把这个房间里发生的事情视为针对个人。
Seth Reiss tells me that he's made a resolution to stop muttering under his breath, "you're all wrong" when the group rejects his headlines.
塞斯·赖斯告诉我，当大家拒绝接受他的头条新闻时，他已经下定决心不再低声嘀咕“你们都错了”。
Because, after all, they can't all be wrong.
因为毕竟他们不可能都错了。
Megan Ganz, who is 23 and who's been at the paper for a year and a half, says it can be a blow, and it smarts when a headline that you're sure of, that you love, doesn't make the cut.
23 岁的梅根·甘茨 (Megan Ganz) 已经在该报工作了一年半，她说这可能是一个打击，而且当你确定、喜欢的标题没有上榜时，你会感到很痛苦。
And it happens a lot.
这种事经常发生。
And then all of that work just evaporates into nothing.
然后所有这些工作就烟消云散了。
There are headlines that I remember pitching that I think I know that they're not any good.
我记得有一些头条新闻，我想我知道它们没有任何好处。
But some part of my heart is attached to them.
但我内心的某些部分却依恋着他们。
Like I had this one that was "Spork Used as Knife." And for some reason, that was the funniest thing I thought I'd ever thought of, was the fact that here's a utensil that's two utensils.
就像我有一个“用勺子当刀”一样。出于某种原因，这是我想到过的最有趣的事情，那就是这里的一个器皿是两个器皿。
And you're using it as the only utensil it isn't.
而你却把它当作唯一的器具来使用，但它不是。
And it didn't even get a titter in the meeting.
会议上甚至没有引起一阵窃笑。
Just nothing, just died.
没什么，只是死了。
And I read it twice, and they were like, yeah, move on.
我读了两遍，他们说，是的，继续吧。
Then, still-- that must have been this summer-- it was like months ago that I wrote headline.
然后，仍然——那一定是今年夏天——就像几个月前我写的标题一样。
I still think about it.
我还在想。
World's most depressing technical college creates world's most depressing bus ad.
世界上最压抑的技术学院制作了世界上最压抑的公交车广告。
It's a slight variation on one that I've--
这与我之前的略有不同——
I still like that.
我还是喜欢这样。
Megan Ganz I like that one.
梅根·甘兹 我喜欢那个。
OK Ira Glass The highlighter is passed to Todd Hanson, who's not just the oldest person at the table.
好的，艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 荧光笔交给了托德·汉森 (Todd Hanson)，他不仅是桌上最年长的人。
He's been at The Onion longer than anybody else.
他在洋葱报的工作时间比其他人都长。
He started in 1990, when The Onion wasn't really a business, but more of a hobby for a few friends who all worked crappy jobs elsewhere to support themselves.
他于 1990 年开始创业，当时 The Onion 还算不上一家真正的企业，而更像是几个朋友的爱好，他们都在其他地方打着蹩脚的工作来养活自己。
In these meetings, he tends to talk the most, partly out of seniority, and partly, as he admits, because he just can't be any other way.
在这些会议上，他往往说得最多，部分是出于资历，部分是他承认的，因为他无法以其他方式行事。
But when he reads his list, he's just like any of the other writers.
但当他读到自己的名单时，他就像其他作家一样。
And this is really the damnedest thing about their jobs-- even with all of his years of experience, even he can't tell which of his brand new jokes is any good.
这确实是他们工作中最该死的事情——即使他有多年的经验，也无法判断他的全新笑话中有哪些是好的。
Man evidently think those sideburns make him look cool.
男人显然认为那些鬓角让他看起来很酷。
That's not funny.
这不好笑。
I kind of like that.
我有点喜欢这样。
Todd Hanson Really?
托德·汉森 真的吗？
Kind of.
有点儿。
Todd Hanson Is it funny with something other than sideburns?
托德·汉森（Todd Hanson）除了鬓角以外还有什么有趣的吗？
No?
不？
OK.
好的。
All right.
好的。
Pornography desensitized populace demands new orifice to look at.
色情内容麻木的民众需要新的视角来看待。
Yes.
是的。
Todd Hanson OK, area man not technically pathetic in that he fails to elicit pathos.
托德·汉森（Todd Hanson）好吧，从技术上讲，区域人员并不可悲，因为他未能引发悲伤。
But are you just making a joke about how people incorrectly use the word pathetic?
但你只是在开玩笑说人们如何错误地使用“可怜”这个词吗？
It takes them two long mornings, on Monday and on Tuesday, to come up with the 16 headlines they're going to use in the paper this week.
他们花了周一和周二两个漫长的早晨，才想出了本周要在报纸上使用的 16 个标题。
And to get to those 16 they go through-- and I know this number is going to sound kind of crazy-- 600 possible headlines.
为了达到这 16 个，他们经历了 600 个可能的头条新闻——我知道这个数字听起来有点疯狂。
OK, this is a sad joke that come straight from real life.
好吧，这是一个直接来自现实生活的悲伤笑话。
Casual relationship enters third year.
随意关系进入第三个年头。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
That wasn't to be mean.
这并不是刻薄的。
That was a legitimate question, because we've talked about it before.
这是一个合理的问题，因为我们之前已经讨论过。
Truthfully, the staff was a lot nicer to each other than I figured they'd be.
说实话，工作人员之间的关系比我想象的要好得多。
Comedians can be incredibly competitive.
喜剧演员的竞争力非常强。
And The Onion has gone through phases when the chemistry wasn't so chill.
《洋葱报》经历了化学反应不那么冷淡的阶段。
But mainly, they're just tough on the material.
但主要是，他们对材料要求很高。
It's a tough room because of how minutely they dissect all the jokes.
这是一个艰难的房间，因为他们仔细地剖析了所有的笑话。
Over the years, they've developed a way of discussing the material that helps them decide whether something is so outstanding funny, it beats a lot of other jokes that are also pretty funny, and what makes each joke funny, and how to make it funnier.
多年来，他们开发了一种讨论材料的方法，帮助他们确定某件事是否如此出色有趣，它是否击败了许多其他也很有趣的笑话，以及是什么让每个笑话有趣，以及如何让它变得更有趣。
As an outsider, and not privy to the shared assumptions and what one of them called their hive mentality, it was sometimes hard to figure out why, for instance, "Local girlfriend always wants to do stuff," was a good enough headline to make it into paper, while a headline that seems nearly identical, "Nation's Girlfriends Call for More Quality Time," literally gets jeer-- jeers.
作为一个局外人，不了解共同的假设和他们中的一个人所说的“蜂巢心态”，有时很难弄清楚为什么“当地女朋友总是想做点什么”这样的标题足以登上报纸，而一个看起来几乎相同的标题“国家女朋友呼吁更多的美好时光”实际上会受到嘲笑——嘲笑。
Listen.
听。
Nation's girlfriends call for more quality time.
Nation 的闺蜜们呼吁享受更多美好时光。
Or nation's wives spend all the husband's money on expensive hat.
或者国家的妻子把丈夫的所有钱都花在昂贵的帽子上。
Coming home with another round shaped box.
带着另一个圆形盒子回家。
Look at that stack of round boxes.
看看那堆圆形盒子。
Or why does this joke immediate, unquestioning approval?
或者为什么这个笑话会立即得到毫无疑问的认可？
Beauty regimen horrifying.
美容养生太可怕了。
Onion Comedy Writer 1 Yes.
洋葱喜剧作家 1 是的。
While the headline "Roommate's unopened bag of Doritos taunting area man" deserved a long discussion of whether the point of the joke was, in fact, the taunting.
虽然标题“室友的未开封的多力多力多力多滋嘲讽地区男子”的标题值得长时间讨论，因为这个笑话的要点是否实际上是嘲讽。
The reason it's funny is because the word taunting--
之所以有趣是因为嘲讽这个词——
Like he's been staring at it from a distance of 15 feet from his couch for the past 10 minutes.
就好像过去 10 分钟他一直在距离沙发 15 英尺的地方盯着它。
Or did the Doritos themselves make the joke too obvious?
还是多力多滋自己把这个笑话讲得太明显了？
It's like, it would be funny and have funny details in it.
就像，这会很有趣，并且里面有有趣的细节。
But on its immediate surface, it's a joke about Doritos.
但从表面上看，这是一个关于多力多滋的笑话。
I agree that Doritos has an immediate, go-to kind of snack.
我同意多力多滋是一种立即可用的零食。
Is there another snack it could be?
还有其他零食吗？
I mean, Doritos is the exact right product.
我的意思是，多力多滋是完全正确的产品。
Watching them parse jokes like this with a kind of academic precision they're sort of proud of, hour after hour, it's not just tedious.
看着他们以他们引以为豪的学术精确度解析这样的笑话，一小时又一小时，这不仅仅是乏味。
It's the opposite of comedy.
这与喜剧相反。
And the other thing that was very odd watching them work was that most of the jokes that got the biggest laughs from the writers themselves did not make it into the paper.
观看他们工作的另一件非常奇怪的事情是，大多数让作家自己笑得很开心的笑话并没有出现在报纸上。
For example, this headline.
比如这个标题。
Cardinal teaches Pope to make church by interlocking his fingers.
红衣主教教教皇通过十指相扣来建造教堂。
No!
不！
That's so awful.
那太可怕了。
Ira Glass Or here's another
艾拉·格拉斯 或者这是另一个
Infertile woman treats frog-shaped humidifier as human child.
不孕妇女把青蛙形状的加湿器当作人类的孩子。
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass And, what the hell?
[笑声] Ira Glass 那么，到底是什么？
Let's just do one more.
我们再做一个吧。
Biologist realizes he's been studying Cadbury Egg.
生物学家意识到他一直在研究吉百利鸡蛋。
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass After the meeting, I get explanations for the many mysterious decisions I've witnessed.
[笑声] Ira Glass 会议结束后，我得到了对我目睹的许多神秘决定的解释。
I'm told that usually the jokes that get laughs on Monday do not survive.
有人告诉我，周一让人发笑的笑话通常不会流传下来。
Again, Megan Ganz.
又是梅根·甘兹。
A lot of the jokes that we laugh really hard at don't make it in the paper.
很多我们笑得很开心的笑话并没有出现在报纸上。
Because they're just initially funny.
因为它们一开始只是很有趣。
But then we sit down on Tuesday and go, well, what does that mean though?
但周二我们坐下来思考，好吧，这意味着什么？
Like, what do we say about that?
就像，我们对此怎么说？
Where does that joke go?
这个笑话哪里去了？
Like, there was a headline once that everyone laughed at really hard.
就像，曾经有一个标题让每个人都笑得很厉害。
It was, "Woman crying by penguin exhibit." Do you guys remember this headline?
这是“女人在企鹅展览前哭泣”。大家还记得这个标题吗？
"Woman sobbing near penguin exhibit." And everyone laughed really hard.
“一名妇女在企鹅展览附近哭泣。”每个人都笑得很厉害。
And then everyone went, OK, but why is that funny?
然后每个人都说，好吧，但是为什么这很有趣呢？
It's funny because it's the penguins, I guess.
这很有趣，因为我猜是企鹅。
And women crying is kind of a weird thing to be happening near them.
女人在她们身边哭泣是一件很奇怪的事情。
But then nobody would pitch that on a Tuesday meeting as being funny.
但没有人会在周二的会议上认为这很有趣。
Even though it made everyone laugh, nobody would pitch that.
尽管这让每个人都笑了，但没有人会这么做。
What do you write about that?
你对此有何评论？
It doesn't go anywhere.
它哪儿也去不了。
And then there was this mystery.
然后就有了这个谜。
Why did this story "Local girlfriend always wants to do stuff" make the paper, while "Nation's girlfriends call for more quality time" got heckled?
为什么“本地女友总想做事”这个故事登上了报纸，而“国家女友呼吁更多美好时光”却遭到质问？
Todd Hanson and Dan Guterman explained that the story that went with "Local girlfriend always wants to do stuff" was actually written in a way that made fun of the guy in the relationship.
托德·汉森（Todd Hanson）和丹·古特曼（Dan Guterman）解释说，与“当地女友总是想做事”相关的故事实际上是以一种取笑这段关系中的男人的方式写的。
And talking about what a sort of lowly loser he is for being irked by his girlfriend's desire to do things.
并谈论他是一个多么卑微的失败者，因为他被女友的做事欲望所激怒。
It's just more like, she's always wanting to go do stuff, and be around people.
更像是，她总是想做点事情，和人们在一起。
She always wants to leave the house.
她总是想离开家。
And that seemed more original and different to us.
这对我们来说似乎更加原创和不同。
Whereas, nation girlfriends-- what was it-- just seemed like a joke about nagging girlfriends.
然而，国家女友——那是什么——看起来就像是一个关于唠叨女友的笑话。
And the problem with a joke about nagging girlfriends isn't the political correctness of it, but simply it's a really tired joke.
一个关于唠叨女朋友的笑话的问题不在于它的政治正确性，而在于它是一个非常令人厌倦的笑话。
It's a really tired joke.
这实在是一个很累的笑话。
Ira Glass In fact, all through their editorial meetings, they're talking constantly about what jokes are tired.
Ira Glass 事实上，在他们的编辑会议上，他们一直在谈论什么是令人厌倦的笑话。
A joke about the Green Party and marijuana brownies was killed partly because mentioning the Green Party at all seem passe.
一个关于绿党和大麻布朗尼的笑话被扼杀，部分原因是提及绿党似乎已经过时了。
A headline about Nicole Richie's new baby, "Nicole Richie thinks baby looks fat" was ditched on the theory that any Nicole Richie fat or anorexia reference was very 2005.
关于妮可·里奇 (Nicole Richie) 刚出生的婴儿的标题“妮可·里奇 (Nicole Richie) 认为婴儿看起来很胖”被抛弃，因为任何有关妮可·里奇 (Nicole Richie) 肥胖或厌食症的内容都非常 2005 年。
But one area where tastes differ on the staff is when it comes to silliness.
但员工们的品味不同的一个方面是，当谈到愚蠢时。
They're for silliness, sometimes.
有时他们是为了愚蠢。
Take the joke, "Scientist Realizes He's Been Studying Cadbury Egg" that got such a big laugh on Monday.
以周一引起大笑的笑话“科学家意识到他一直在研究吉百利鸡蛋”为例。
"It's just a silly joke," says Megan.
“这只是一个愚蠢的笑话，”梅根说。
Like, we do silly jokes, granted.
就像，我们会开玩笑，理所当然。
But it just doesn't have that x factor of being silly and kind of compelling.
但它只是没有那种愚蠢和令人信服的因素。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I can't explain what the difference is between that one and-- we ran one that was "Thirsty mayor drinks town's entire water supply." And that one, we had the same reaction.
我无法解释那个和我们运行的一个“口渴的市长喝掉镇上的整个供水”之间有什么区别。那一件事，我们也有同样的反应。
When it was read, we laughed really hard.
读完后，我们笑得很厉害。
And then it went in the paper.
然后它就上了报纸。
And why is that one sillier and in a better way than the other one is silly?
为什么那个比另一个更愚蠢并且以一种更好的方式愚蠢？
It's funny because it's almost always agreed upon in the meetings.
这很有趣，因为会议上几乎总是达成一致。
Almost, but not quite.
几乎，但不完全是。
When Todd Hanson and I sat down for an interview, he spontaneously brought up the exact same headline Megan had mentioned, though to made a very different point.
当托德·汉森和我坐下来接受采访时，他自发地提出了梅根提到的完全相同的标题，尽管提出了截然不同的观点。
No, no, no. Don't get me wrong.
不，不，不。别误会我的意思。
I like the silly jokes.
我喜欢那些愚蠢的笑话。
I just have to think them through and find out what they're saying.
我只需要仔细思考并找出他们在说什么。
Like I remember there was a joke, "Thirsty mayor drinks entire town's water supply." And just kept saying, why?
我记得有一个笑话，“口渴的市长喝掉了整个城镇的供水。”并一直说，为什么？
What is it?
它是什么？
Thirst guy drinks a whole lake?
口渴的人喝掉一整湖？
What's funny about that?
这有什么好笑的？
It's just silly.
这太愚蠢了。
It's silly in a way that isn't funny.
这在某种程度上是愚蠢的，并不好笑。
And they're like, no, no. You have to trust us.
他们就像，不，不。您必须相信我们。
Because he's the thirsty mayor.
因为他是饥渴的市长。
He drinks the whole town.
他喝了整个城镇。
And they were trying to explain it to me.
他们试图向我解释这一点。
I just didn't get it.
我只是不明白。
And then finally it clicked in my head.
最后它突然出现在我的脑海里。
And I said oh, I get it.
我说哦，我明白了。
It's about misappropriation of public resources by a corrupt ruling oligarchy, or whatever.
这是关于腐败的寡头统治集团盗用公共资源的问题，或者其他什么。
And then everyone made fun of me.
然后大家都取笑我。
Like, "Oh, yeah.
就像，“哦，是的。
That's what it's about.
这就是它的意义所在。
It's not just silly." Well, of course it's silly.
这不仅仅是愚蠢的。”嗯，这当然很愚蠢。
But it has something to say, and that's why it's funny.
但它有话要说，这就是为什么它很有趣。
That's what I think.
我就是这么认为的。
I just don't think jokes that don't have anything to say are that funny.
我只是觉得没有什么可说的笑话没那么好笑。
If you can't find something legitimate to say within the context of the joke, no matter how silly it is, I don't see the point of it.
如果你在笑话中找不到合理的说法，无论它多么愚蠢，我都看不出它有什么意义。
In fact, to sort this out, a whole language has emerged over the years at The Onion to talk about whether something is too silly or silly in the wrong way.
事实上，为了解决这个问题，洋葱新闻多年来已经出现了一种完整的语言来讨论某件事是否太愚蠢或以错误的方式愚蠢。
Writers speak about a joke taking them to Sillytown, or Crazyville, or Sillytown Heights, which is either good or bad depending on the person.
作家们谈到一个笑话，把他们带到了愚蠢镇、疯狂维尔或愚蠢镇高地，这取决于人的好坏。
And it can be bad-- though it's usually good-- when something is called a Laffer.
当某种东西被称为“拉弗”时，它可能会很糟糕——尽管它通常是好的。
That's laffer with two F's.
这是带有两个 F 的拉弗。
A laffer is a big dumb joke that you have to laugh at.
laffer 是一个你不得不笑的大愚蠢笑话。
If the photo that accompanies a story is a sandwich holding a press conference, that's a laffer.
如果故事附带的照片是一个举行新闻发布会的三明治，那就是一个 Laffer。
And the whole story is a laffertunity.
整个故事是一个懒惰的故事。
Laffers are often the most emailed stories, the most popular things that The Onion does.
拉弗斯通常是通过电子邮件发送最多的故事，也是洋葱新闻中最受欢迎的事情。
And while everybody on staff likes those silly jokes and jokes with a bigger meaning, a fewer of the younger writers definitely have more tolerance for jokes that are purely silly, and a different vision for what should go in the paper.
虽然工作人员中的每个人都喜欢那些愚蠢的笑话和具有更大意义的笑话，但越来越少的年轻作家肯定对纯粹愚蠢的笑话有更多的容忍度，并且对报纸上应该写什么有不同的看法。
And there were a couple times during the editorial meetings that I watched where the two sides squared off against each other.
在编辑会议期间，我有几次看到双方针锋相对。
At one point, they were discussing two headlines that covered very familiar ground at The Onion .
有一次，他们正在讨论两个涉及洋葱新闻非常熟悉的内容的头条新闻。
"Plan to stay in all weekend and play video games goes off smoothly," and "Area man makes it through day." Seth, one of the newest staffers, and Todd, the oldest, saw these very differently.
“整个周末待在家里玩电子游戏的计划进行得很顺利，”和“区域人顺利度过了这一天。”新加入的员工之一赛斯和最年长的托德对这些的看法截然不同。
Especially the video game one.
尤其是电子游戏。
It seems very Onion by the numbers.
从数字来看，它似乎非常洋葱。
I know.
我知道。
But I'll tell you, almost to a point where that sentiment, I don't think we're doing anything new there.
但我会告诉你，几乎到了这种情绪的地步，我不认为我们在那里做了任何新的事情。
I don't know, I just think of that as The Onion's ethos.
我不知道，我只是认为这是洋葱的精神。
That's kind of what The Onion is about.
这就是《洋葱》的主题。
I mean, that's what America is.
我的意思是，美国就是这样。
I feel like you've done that joke before.
我感觉你以前开过这样的玩笑。
The reason we've done that joke before is because America has been like that for a long time.
我们之前之所以开这个玩笑，是因为美国长期以来就是这样。
And it still is.
现在仍然如此。
But the sentiment is so similar to the sentiment of a lot of Onion headlines that people, they're not going to notice that.
但这种情绪与许多洋葱头条新闻的情绪非常相似，人们不会注意到这一点。
They're just going to be like, oh, The Onion does this again.
他们只会说，哦，洋葱又这么做了。
I don't know.
我不知道。
It just doesn't feel right.
就是感觉不太对劲。
Well, I'm going to keep writing jokes like that until the day I die.
好吧，我会继续写这样的笑话，直到我死的那一天。
So I'm just warning you.
所以我只是警告你。
At the heart of this dispute is a problem that comes up in any creative project that lasts even a few years.
这场争论的核心是任何持续几年的创意项目都会出现的问题。
You don't want to become a parody of yourself.
你不想成为自己的模仿者。
You don't want to keep repeating the same things over and over.
你不想一遍又一遍地重复同样的事情。
Yet there are some things you do a lot of, that are just built into the DNA of what you make.
然而，有些事情你做了很多次，它们已经融入到你所做的事情的 DNA 中。
This is definitely something that we struggle with here on our radio show.
这绝对是我们在广播节目中遇到的难题。
And, in fact, The Onion once did an article that made fun of us for rehashing certain kinds of stories, which was funny.
事实上，《洋葱报》曾发表过一篇文章，取笑我们重复某些类型的故事，这很有趣。
And it stung.
它刺痛了。
Megan Ganz says that, as one of the newer writers on staff, she worries sometimes that they're just repeating the same jokes over and over with different words.
梅根·甘兹说，作为新来的编剧之一，她有时担心他们只是用不同的词语一遍又一遍地重复同样的笑话。
There's the one, for instance, where a big government institution just acts like your schmo college roommate.
例如，一个大型政府机构就像你的 schmo 大学室友一样。
Like, "Syria attends mideast peace talks for free continental breakfast".
比如，“叙利亚参加中东和平谈判并享用免费欧陆式早餐”。
Funny, but it's a formula.
有趣，但这是一个公式。
And now they have, like with the youngs and olds, the problem is all of the young people grew up reading the stuff that the older people wrote.
现在，就像年轻人和老年人一样，问题是所有年轻人都是读着老年人写的东西长大的。
So we formed our sense of humor on The Onion , and then became writers for The Onion .
所以我们在《洋葱报》上形成了我们的幽默感，然后成为了《洋葱报》的作家。
You're trying to write for your idols.
你正在努力为你的偶像写作。
It's strange.
很奇怪。
It's strange for us.
这对我们来说很奇怪。
I know we've talked it many times, the young people here, it's strange for us to write for your idols.
我知道我们已经谈过很多次了，这里的年轻人，为你们的偶像写作对我们来说很奇怪。
But also you're saying to Todd, who's been here forever, yeah, you can't do that again.
但你也对一直在这里的托德说，是的，你不能再这样做了。
Don't do that joke again.
别再开那样的玩笑了。
I'm tired of that joke.
我厌倦了那个笑话。
That is really horrible, isn't it?
这真的太可怕了，不是吗？
So, I've been trying to mimic him throughout my life to get to where I am.
所以，我一生都在努力模仿他，以达到我现在的水平。
And now that I'm where I am, I'm like, don't do what you do.
现在我就在这儿，我想，不要做你所做的事。
In the end, "Area man makes it through day" makes it onto a list of stories that will appear in upcoming issues of The Onion , partly because the founder and editor-in-chief of the paper, Scott Dikkers, liked it.
最终，“Area man gets it through day”被列入即将出版的《洋葱报》的故事清单，部分原因是该报的创始人兼主编斯科特·迪克斯喜欢它。
But this disagreement wasn't even close to the biggest fight they've all had lately.
但这种分歧还远未达到他们最近所经历的最大的争吵。
That fight, I'm told, was over the headline, "Ghost just dropped by to say boo." One group 100% hated it.
据我所知，那场战斗占据了头条新闻：“幽灵刚刚过来说了嘘声。”一组人百分百讨厌它。
One group 100% loved it.
一组 100% 喜欢它。
People raised their voices.
人们提高了声音。
One usually mild-mannered editor walked out in protest.
一位一向温和的编辑退出以示抗议。
I guess people kind of read it as like a third grade joke book joke.
我猜人们读它就像读三年级笑话书上的笑话一样。
Editor Joe Randazzo says it was an existential fight about what kind of paper they were, that would or would not publish such a thing.
编辑乔·兰达佐（Joe Randazzo）表示，这是一场关乎生死存亡的斗争，争论的焦点是报纸是什么样的报纸，是否会发表这样的东西。
One member of staff may love The Onion that would never have "Ghost just dropped by to say boo," while another member of staff may love the fact that The Onion can include a joke that says, "Ghost just dropped by to say boo." It's totally subjective, though.
一位工作人员可能喜欢《洋葱报》，因为它永远不会有“鬼魂刚刚过来说嘘声”，而另一位工作人员可能喜欢《洋葱报》可以包含一个笑话，说“鬼魂刚刚过来说嘘声”。但这完全是主观的。
Finally, the editor-in-chief had to tell everybody to cut it out.
最后主编只好叫大家删掉。
And they published the joke.
他们发表了这个笑话。
And this one headline did not ruin the paper.
这个标题并没有毁了报纸。
But a room full of people who would even entertain the possibility that it might, who feel that strongly about it?
但是一屋子的人甚至愿意考虑这种可能性，谁对此有如此强烈的感觉？
That's a very tough room.
那是一个非常艰难的房间。
[MUSIC - "HA HA" BY HARPER SIMON]
[音乐 - 哈珀·西蒙的《哈哈》]
Act Two, Bar Car Prophesy.
第二幕，酒吧汽车预言。
When you're a kid, adulthood itself can seem kind of a tough room, in which you're going to have to adapt to the strange custom that is the world of adults.
当你还是个孩子的时候，成年本身似乎是一个艰难的房间，你必须适应成人世界的奇怪习俗。
But for Rosie Schaap, when she was a kid, the prospect of hanging with the adults seemed exciting, an adventure.
但对于罗西·沙普（Rosie Schaap）来说，当她还是个孩子的时候，与大人在一起的前景似乎令人兴奋，是一种冒险。
1986, when I was 15, I discovered the bar car on the Metro-North New Haven Line, a dingy, crowded, badly-ventilated chamber where commuters drank enough to get a decent buzz going, told dirty jokes, and chain-smoked.
1986 年，当我 15 岁的时候，我发现了纽黑文地铁北线的酒吧车，那是一个肮脏、拥挤、通风不良的房间，通勤者在这里喝得足够多，以维持正常的嗡嗡声，讲黄色笑话，并且不停地抽烟。
These were my kind of people.
这些都是我喜欢的人。
And even though, in my memory, the whole place is covered in this sort of grimy, yellow film, it was my kind of joint.
尽管在我的记忆中，整个地方都覆盖着这种肮脏的黄色薄膜，但这就是我的关节。
I took the train once a week from Westport, Connecticut to Manhattan's Grand Central Station to see my psychoanalyst.
我每周乘一次火车从康涅狄格州韦斯特波特到曼哈顿中央车站去看我的精神分析师。
As self-absorbed as any teenager, I'd come to enjoy psychoanalysis.
和所有青少年一样，我开始享受精神分析的乐趣。
I'd been going since eighth grade, and the 50-minutes sessions made me feel like the featured guest on a talk show.
我从八年级就开始参加，50 分钟的课程让我感觉自己像是脱口秀节目中的特邀嘉宾。
It helped that my shrink sounded a lot like Dick Cavett.
我的心理医生听起来很像迪克·卡维特，这很有帮助。
But from the moment I first stumbled into the bar car after one of our appointments, my return trip to Westport became the best part of my Thursday visits.
但从我在一次约会后第一次偶然进入酒吧车的那一刻起，我返回西港的旅程就成为我周四访问中最好的部分。
I liked the company of grown ups, especially strangers.
我喜欢大人的陪伴，尤其是陌生人。
With them I found it easy to feel smart, and funny, and interesting.
和他们在一起，我很容易感到聪明、有趣、有趣。
Once when I was eight and we were vacationing at the beach, my mother sent me to borrow a skillet from the neighbors, a bunch of 30-somethings in a shared rental.
有一次，当我八岁的时候，我们去海滩度假，我妈妈让我向邻居们借了一个煎锅，他们是一群三十多岁的人合租的。
They were lounging on an L-shaped white couch and seemed to get a kick out of everything I said, even the word skillet.
他们懒洋洋地躺在 L 形白色沙发上，似乎对我说的每句话都很感兴趣，甚至连“煎锅”这个词也不例外。
I wasn't even sure what the word meant until a tall woman handed me a heavy pan with flared sides.
我什至不知道这个词是什么意思，直到一位高个子女人递给我一个带有喇叭形边缘的沉重平底锅。
I thanked her and turned to leave.
我谢过她，转身就走。
But they weren't ready to let me go.
但他们还没准备好让我走。
They had questions.
他们有疑问。
Who was I?
我是谁？
What grade was I in?
我当时读几年级？
What was I into?
我喜欢什么？
I was astonished by their interest.
他们的兴趣让我感到惊讶。
I sat myself down and asked if they wanted to hear a joke.
我坐下来问他们是否想听一个笑话。
"So this Jewish-American Princess married an Indian chief.
“所以这位犹太裔美国公主嫁给了一位印第安酋长。
Guess what they named their baby?" I paused for effect.
你猜他们给孩子起什么名字？”我停顿了一下以求效果。
"White fish." It's a terrible joke.
“白鱼。”这是一个可怕的笑话。
I'd heard my mother tell it to one of her friends.
我听我妈妈把这件事告诉她的一位朋友。
I didn't exactly get it.
我不太明白。
But these grown ups, sitting there drinking wine, tumbled off the big white couch laughing.
但这些大人坐在那里喝着酒，笑着从白色的大沙发上摔下来。
And I felt like a superstar.
我感觉自己像个超级明星。
That's how I wanted to feel in the bar car surrounded by its regulars, mostly men in wrinkled suits and loosened neckties.
这就是我想要在酒吧车里感受到的感觉，周围都是常客，大多数是穿着皱巴巴的西装和宽松的领带的男人。
I liked listening to them.
我喜欢听他们说话。
They drank beer or Scotch, laughed loudly, talked fast, and always seemed happy to see each other.
他们喝啤酒或苏格兰威士忌，大声笑，语速很快，似乎总是很高兴见到对方。
They were a tribe, and I wanted in.
他们是一个部落，我想加入。
Still, I didn't dare pony up to the bar and order myself a beer.
尽管如此，我还是不敢花钱去酒吧给自己点一杯啤酒。
There was no way the weary Metro-North crew would serve me.
疲惫不堪的北方铁路工作人员不可能为我服务。
I needed a point of entry.
我需要一个切入点。
I found what I was looking for the night I pulled my Tarot cards for my backpack and gave myself a reading right there in the bar car.
那天晚上，我把塔罗牌放到背包里，在酒吧车里给自己算了算，找到了我要找的东西。
I'd been studying The Pictorial Key to the Tarot, a 1910 primer by Arthur Edward Waite, and had cultivated a look that fell somewhere between Janis Joplin and Madame Blavatsky.
我一直在研究阿瑟·爱德华·韦特 (Arthur Edward Waite) 1910 年所著的《塔罗牌图解钥匙》入门书，我的风格介于贾尼斯·乔普林 (Janis Joplin) 和布拉瓦茨基夫人 (Madame Blavatsky) 之间。
Gauzy Indian dresses, [?
薄纱印度连衣裙，[？
batik ?] kaftans, chunky silver rings on my fingers.
蜡染？]长袍，手指上戴着厚实的银戒指。
My Tarot cards smelled of patchouli and sandalwood, cigarettes and pot.
我的塔罗牌散发着广藿香、檀香、香烟和大麻的味道。
I shuffled and then began to lay them out in the Celtic cross pattern I'd learned from Waite's book.
我洗牌，然后开始将它们按照我从韦特的书中学到的凯尔特十字图案排列。
First the significator, the card that stood for me.
首先是象征符，代表我的卡片。
Then the card that crossed me, signifying the things that blocked my path.
然后是横过我的卡片，表示挡住我去路的事物。
Next the card that crowned me, representing my ideals and aims.
接下来是给我加冕的卡片，代表我的理想和目标。
And so on and so on, until I laid out the 10th and final card, which would reveal the answer to my question.
依此类推，直到我拿出第十张也是最后一张牌，它将揭示我问题的答案。
By then, a small crowd had gathered around me.
那时，一小群人已经聚集在我周围。
When I finished, a woman asked if I'd give her reading.
当我读完后，一位女士问我是否可以给她读书。
It was the first time someone in the bar car had spoken to me without wanting to see my ticket.
这是第一次酒吧车里有人不想看我的票就跟我说话。
She asked what I charged.
她问我收费多少。
I hadn't thought about that.
我没有想到这一点。
I mulled it over and told her I thought it was kind of bad mojo to take money for readings.
我想了想，告诉她我认为拿钱读书是一种不好的魔力。
But I was cool with bartering.
但我对以物易物很感兴趣。
And I wouldn't mind a beer.
我不介意喝啤酒。
She didn't ask how old I was.
她没有问我几岁。
Her reading was good, mostly positive cards.
她的阅读能力很好，大部分都是积极的卡片。
Yes, I told her, she would thrive at her new job.
是的，我告诉她，她会在新工作中茁壮成长。
She might even get a promotion soon.
她甚至可能很快就会升职。
She smiled and discreetly got me that beer.
她微笑着，小心翼翼地给我拿了啤酒。
Suddenly it was like a divination marathon.
突然间，这就像一场占卜马拉松。
I must have done five readings in an hour.
我一小时内一定读了五遍。
The more I read, the more confident I grew.
我读得越多，我就越有信心。
A routine took shape.
例行公事已经形成。
As I laid down the cards, I'd sing Neil Young's "After the Gold Rush" quietly, almost under my breath.
当我放下牌时，我几乎低声唱着尼尔·杨的《淘金热之后》。
Then, when I was done, I'd give the whole pattern an initial once over and look solemnly into the questioner's eyes.
然后，当我完成后，我会将整个模式重新审视一遍，并严肃地看着提问者的眼睛。
"The cards are here to guide us," I'd say in a voice an octave lower than my own.
“这些卡片是用来指导我们的。”我会用比自己低八度的声音说道。
"But what they tell us is not carved in stone.
“但他们告诉我们的并不是刻在石头上的。
You have the power to change any of this." And all these grown ups-- accountants, lawyers, executives-- hung on my every word.
你有能力改变这一切。”所有这些成年人——会计师、律师、高管——都听我说的每一句话。
The next week, after therapy, my fortune telling for alcohol scheme began in earnest.
治疗后的下周，我认真开始了酒精算命计划。
Again I settled into the bar car and gave myself a reading.
我再次坐进酒吧车里，给自己读了一遍。
And again, a cluster of commuters assembled around me.
一群通勤者再次聚集在我周围。
I felt like I'd cracked a code.
我感觉自己好像破解了密码。
They'd sit down next to me and listen obediently.
他们会坐在我旁边，听话。
"When you shuffle the cards, put your energy into them.
“当你洗牌时，将你的能量投入其中。
Concentrate on your question," I instructed them.
专注于你的问题，”我指示他们。
"If you're doing this half-heartedly, the cards will know."
“如果你半心半意地这样做，牌就会知道。”
This continued for weeks, and out of it I got plenty of beer, a couple of books, a pair of silver earrings.
这种情况持续了几个星期，我从中得到了很多啤酒、几本书和一对银耳环。
That, and the undivided attention of all these adults.
那，以及所有这些成年人的全神贯注。
I'd explain what each position in the Celtic cross meant, the significance of casting more cups than swords, more wands than pentacles.
我会解释凯尔特十字架中每个位置的含义，铸造的圣杯多于剑，铸造的魔杖多于五芒星的意义。
If someone's reading turned up an unusually high number of Major Arcana cards, I'd go quiet for a moment before I disclosed to him how much power that foretold, and urged him to use that power responsibly, for the greater good.
如果某人的阅读发现了异常多的大阿卡纳牌，我会安静一会儿，然后向他透露这预示着多大的力量，并敦促他为了更大的利益而负责任地使用这种力量。
I never asked them their names, and I never told them mine, not my real one anyway.
我从未问过他们的名字，也从未告诉过他们我的名字，无论如何也不是我真正的名字。
Yet time after time, as I laid out their futures, complete strangers would drop intimate clues about their lives, their jobs, their families.
然而，当我一次又一次地规划他们的未来时，完全陌生的人会透露出有关他们的生活、工作和家庭的亲密线索。
More than once a wingtip wearing banker or salesman confided in me that he'd taken acid and sloshed around in the mud at Woodstock, and felt very connected to the energy of the universe.
不止一次，一位戴着翼尖的银行家或推销员向我吐露，他曾在伍德斯托克球场的泥浆中喝过迷幻药，并感到自己与宇宙的能量有着密切的联系。
I'd nod and say something like, "That's awesome, man.
我会点头并说：“太棒了，伙计。
I wish I'd been there."
我希望我当时也在场。”
It was as if I'd materialized before their eyes, like some ghost from their youth come back to answer questions about their future.
就好像我出现在他们眼前，就像他们年轻时的幽灵回来回答有关他们未来的问题。
Of course, there were people in the bar car who paid me no mind, and others who made their skepticism known.
当然，酒吧车厢里有人不理会我，也有人表达了他们的怀疑。
But I was dismissive of the nonbelievers.
但我对非信徒不屑一顾。
They were out of touch, and that was their loss.
他们失去了联系，这是他们的损失。
Still, one heckler in the crowd made me nervous.
尽管如此，人群中的一名质问者还是让我感到紧张。
I couldn't pinpoint his age, mid-30s I guessed.
我无法确定他的年龄，我猜三十多岁。
He was a broad-shouldered, thick-necked guy with a beer gut, strawberry blond hair, and a big, ruddy face.
他是个肩膀宽、脖子粗、啤酒肚、草莓金色头发、一张红润的大脸的家伙。
He looked like a Kennedy, but you couldn't quite put your finger on which one.
他看上去就像一位肯尼迪家族的人，但你却分不清是哪一位。
And did he have a mouth on him.
还有他有嘴吗？
The F word used as a noun, verb, and adjective strung together in one sentence, and then the next, and the next, like artillery fire.
F词用作名词、动词和形容词，串成一个句子，然后是下一个，再下一个，就像炮火一样。
The guy was always drunker and louder than anyone else.
这家伙总是喝得比谁都醉，声音也比谁都大。
Once, he cupped his hands into a makeshift megaphone and sort of stage-shouted at me something like, "The '60s are over.
有一次，他双手捧成一个临时扩音器，在舞台上对我大喊，“60 年代已经结束了。
Get a life." As much as I basked in my bar car celebrity, I dreaded seeing that guy.
获得生活。”尽管我很享受酒吧车里的名人，但我却害怕见到那个人。
And then one Thursday, after I had already served a few of my patrons, he half-staggered, half-swaggered over to me.
然后在一个星期四，当我已经为几位顾客服务之后，他半摇摇晃晃、半大摇大摆地向我走来。
"All right," he said.
“好吧，”他说。
"This is total BS.
“这完全是胡说八道。
But go ahead.
但继续吧。
Do mine."
做我的吧。”
He plunked himself down across from me, his knees a little too close.
他在我对面坐下，膝盖离我太近了。
I wanted to tell him to go away.
我想告诉他走开。
I wanted to tell him that his unwillingness to believe would insult the spirits and make them uncooperative.
我想告诉他，如果他不愿意相信，就会侮辱神灵，让神灵不合作。
But I worried he'd call me a fraud.
但我担心他会说我是骗子。
I played it cool and started my spiel.
我表现得很冷静，开始了我的长篇大论。
Shuffle, focus, give the cards your energy.
洗牌，集中注意力，给卡片注入能量。
He rolled his eyes but played along.
他翻了个白眼，但还是跟着玩。
He cut the cards once and handed me the deck.
他切了一次牌，然后把牌递给我。
I laid them out.
我把它们摆好了。
First, I set down his significator, the 10 of swords.
首先，我记下了他的象征，剑10。
Possibly the worst card of all, with a solitary, prostrate figure under a black sky pierced in the back by all 10 swords.
可能是所有卡牌中最糟糕的一张，黑色的天空下有一个孤独、匍匐的身影，背部被全部 10 把剑刺穿。
It represents, in Waite's words, pain, affliction, sadness.
用韦特的话来说，它代表痛苦、折磨、悲伤。
The rest of the cards weren't much better.
其余的卡牌也好不了多少。
He pulled the tower, a card signaling corruption, destruction, and the presence of evil.
他拉开了塔楼，这张牌象征着腐败、破坏和邪恶的存在。
He got the death card, too.
他也拿到了死亡卡。
And as much as I disliked the guy, I really didn't like what I saw in those cards, not for anyone.
尽管我很不喜欢这个人，但我真的不喜欢我在这些卡片上看到的东西，不适合任何人。
Not even for him.
甚至对他来说也不行。
I kept quiet for a long minute while I tried to figure out how to spin this.
我沉默了很长一段时间，试图弄清楚如何旋转它。
But there was nothing good I could say.
但我也没什么好说的。
Maintaining eye contact is key to being a good mystic, but I couldn't even meet his gaze.
保持眼神交流是成为一名优秀神秘主义者的关键，但我什至无法直视他的目光。
"Well, what's it say?" he finally asked.
“嗯，上面说什么？”他终于问道。
I took a deep breath.
我深吸了一口气。
"None of this is carved in stone or written in blood." He cut me off.
“这一切都不是刻在石头上，也不是用血写成的。”他打断了我。
"Well, what?"
“嗯，什么？”
So I told him what I saw.
于是我告诉他我所看到的。
And as I interpreted one dismal symbol after another, the guy leaned in closer, put his elbows on the table, buried his head in his hands, and started to cry.
当我解释一个又一个令人沮丧的符号时，那家伙靠得更近了，把胳膊肘放在桌子上，把头埋在双手里，开始哭泣。
He told me that his marriage was falling apart, that he constantly worried about his health, that he was too young for heart problems, but he had them.
他告诉我，他的婚姻正在破裂，他经常担心自己的健康，他还太年轻，不会有心脏病，但他确实患有心脏病。
That he felt as though his life had added up to zero.
他感觉自己的生命加起来就为零了。
He asked, "Will I ever be happy?" "The cards," I answered bluntly, "said no. But," I told him, just like I told everyone else, "you have the power to change that." He shook his head and glared at me with red swollen eyes that said he did not.
他问：“我会幸福吗？” “卡片，”我直截了当地回答，“说不。但是，”我告诉他，就像我告诉其他人一样，“你有能力改变这一点。”他摇摇头，用红肿的眼睛瞪着我，表示他没有。
Maybe he didn't.
也许他没有。
Maybe no one had the power.
也许没有人有这个权力。
Maybe the days that lie ahead of us are set in stone, and that was that.
也许我们前面的日子已经一成不变了，就是这样。
And maybe I'd been the cynic.
也许我就是愤世嫉俗的人。
Something I had believed in had become a gambit for attention.
我曾经相信的一些事情已经成为了吸引注意力的策略。
I hadn't thought it though.
但我没想到。
And maybe I'd even hurt people.
也许我什至会伤害别人。
In the background, other passengers were caught up in conversation, laughing and drinking and carrying on.
背景中，其他乘客都在交谈、大笑、喝酒、继续前行。
I could think of nothing more to say to the guy, nothing reassuring.
我想不出还有什么可对这个家伙说的，也没有什么可以让他安心的。
I felt small and foolish.
我感到自己的渺小和愚蠢。
And when the guy finally got off the train a couple of stops before mine, I was relieved.
当那家伙终于比我早几站下车时，我松了口气。
I sat awake in my bed that night and thought about him.
那天晚上，我坐在床上，一夜未眠，想着他。
I imagined him going home to a white clapboard colonial, to an unhappy wife pretending to be asleep.
我想象他回到一个白色隔板殖民地的家，回到一个假装睡着的不快乐的妻子身边。
I imagined him returning the next day to a job he hated and getting wasted again that afternoon.
我想象他第二天又回到了他讨厌的工作，并在那天下午再次浪费了时间。
But of course, at 15, I couldn't imagine what it was like to be him, to live his life.
但当然，在 15 岁的时候，我无法想象成为他、过他的生活会是什么样子。
And I realized I didn't want to be able to.
我意识到我不想这样做。
Reading Tarot cards in the bar car had been fun until it got serious.
在酒吧车里读塔罗牌一直很有趣，直到它变得严肃起来。
Adults had problems I could not begin to fathom.
成年人有我无法理解的问题。
And they had things to say I wasn't ready to hear.
他们有话要说，我还没准备好听。
I didn't go back to the bar car.
我没有回酒吧车。
I missed the grown ups.
我想念大人们了。
I missed their attention.
我错过了他们的注意力。
But I was not one of them.
但我不是他们中的一员。
I didn't belong there.
我不属于那里。
Although I could feel adulthood encroaching-- real adulthood, which now seemed less about drinking and smoking and freedom, and more about loss, and fear, and the sense that death, itself, lay waiting somewhere just ahead.
尽管我能感觉到成年正在侵蚀——真正的成年，现在似乎不再是关于饮酒、吸烟和自由，而是更多地关于失落、恐惧，以及死亡本身就在前方某个地方等待的感觉。
Rosie Schaap.
罗西·夏普.
This story comes from a book of essays that she's writing about drinking called Drinking With Men .
这个故事来自她正在写的一本关于饮酒的散文集，名为《与男人饮酒》。
It comes out next year.
它将于明年推出。
Coming up, if Jerry Seinfeld became a Mormon tomorrow, the most likely way that it would happen would be because of two guys that we are going to introduce you to.
接下来，如果杰里·宋飞 (Jerry Seinfeld) 明天成为摩门教徒，最有可能发生的事情是因为我们要向您介绍的两个人。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International, when our program continues.
一分钟后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life, I'm Ira Glass.
这就是美国生活，我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our show, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Hello?
你好？
Hello?
你好？
Hello?
你好？
Anybody out there?
外面有人吗？
OK, if you're out there, make a noise.
好吧，如果你在外面，请发出声音。
Tough room.
艰难的房间。
That's our theme.
这就是我们的主题。
It's very clever how we do this here on the public radio.
我们在公共广播电台上这样做的方式非常聪明。
We've arrived at act three of our show, Act Three, "Mission Impossible." In the Bible, God is constantly sending his prophets into situations where nobody wants to hear what they have to say.
我们已经到了节目的第三幕，第三幕“碟中谍”。在圣经中，上帝不断地派遣他的先知到没有人愿意听他们说的话的境地。
And after high school, young Mormon men are basically supposed to do the same thing.
高中毕业后，年轻的摩门教徒基本上应该做同样的事情。
They are encouraged to go on a two-year mission to spread the gospel.
他们被鼓励去执行为期两年的传播福音的使命。
They pay their own way.
他们按照自己的方式付费。
Jane Feltes followed two of these guys, out to convert people in a place that we usually don't think up as a bastion of Mormonism, or particularly friendly to missionaries, the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
简·费尔特斯（Jane Feltes）跟随其中的两个人，前往曼哈顿上西区，一个我们通常不认为是摩门教堡垒或对传教士特别友好的地方去改变人们的信仰。
Elder [?
长老[?
Longey ?] -- Elder doesn't mean older; it's just a title given to missionaries-- is 20, an army brat most recently from Utah.
朗吉？]——长老并不意味着年长；而是意味着年长。这只是给传教士的一个头衔——20岁，刚从犹他州来的一名陆军小伙子。
Elder [?
长老[?
Mellor ?] is from Utah too.
梅勒？]也来自犹他州。
And he's 21.
他21岁了。
They're both in the second year of their mission, so they kind of have it down.
他们都处于执行任务的第二年，所以他们的心情有些低落。
How you doing today, sir?
先生，今天过得怎么样？
Have you ever had the chance to read the Book of Mormon?
你有机会读过摩尔门经吗？
No chance?
没有机会吗？
All right, do you know anyone in the area we can share our message about Christ with?
好吧，你知道我们可以与该地区的任何人分享有关基督的信息吗？
The guy literally tells him, "get lost".
那家伙字面意思告诉他，“滚开”。
You don't know anybody in the area we can do some service for?
您不认识我们可以为该地区提供服务的任何人吗？
All right, you have a great day, sir.
好的，祝您今天过得愉快，先生。
Today they're stopping people outside the American Museum of Natural History, but they work all over New York and its suburbs.
今天，他们在美国自然历史博物馆外拦截人们，但他们的工作遍及纽约及其郊区。
And the toughest thing about being a missionary in New York isn't what you might think-- that it's too secular, or too Jewish, or too unfriendly, or too cool for school, especially Sunday school.
在纽约做一名传教士最困难的事情并不是你想象的那样——它太世俗，或者太犹太化，或者太不友好，或者太酷，不适合学校，尤其是主日学校。
No. The problem is competition.
不，问题在于竞争。
In New York, there are so many distractions on the street, people trying to hand you fliers or get you into their hair salon or comedy show.
在纽约，街上有很多让人分心的东西，人们试图向您递传单或带您进入他们的美发沙龙或喜剧表演。
If you're saying no to someone who asks, "Do you have one minute to save the environment?" you're not going to say yes to these guys.
如果有人问“你有一分钟时间来拯救环境吗？”，你要拒绝。你不会对这些人说“是”。
Everyone's walking down the street, and everybody's walking about the same pace.
每个人都走在街上，而且每个人的步伐都差不多。
And anything that will disrupt the flow will cause them to be angry.
任何扰乱流程的事情都会引起他们的愤怒。
Just because they're already in the mindset that they're going somewhere, anything that stops them is going to make them angry.
仅仅因为他们已经有了要去某个地方的心态，任何阻止他们的事情都会让他们生气。
Usually we're the ones that stop them.
通常我们是阻止他们的人。
We're usually that disruption.
我们通常就是那种破坏。
Both guys are living off their savings while they're here.
两个人在这里都靠积蓄生活。
Elder [?
长老[?
Longey ?] lives in Chinatown with three other missionaries in a two bedroom apartment.
朗吉？]与其他三名传教士住在唐人街的一套两居室公寓里。
Elder [?
长老[?
Mellor's ?] two bedroom in Harlem houses six missionaries.
梅勒的？]哈莱姆区的两间卧室住着六名传教士。
And for 12 hours every day, from 9:00 AM to 9:00 PM, most of their interactions are less than 30 seconds, if you'd even call them interactions.
每天从上午 9:00 到晚上 9:00 的 12 个小时里，他们的大部分互动时间都不到 30 秒（如果你称其为互动的话）。
Hey, sister.
嘿，姐姐。
Jane Feltes Elder [?
简·费尔特斯长老[？
Mellor ?] calls out to a cute woman in her late 20s.
梅勒？] 向一位 20 多岁的可爱女人喊道。
Sorry?
对不起？
Jane Feltes He shows her a picture of Jesus baptizing Peter on the cover of his Book of Mormon.
简·费尔特斯（Jane Feltes）向她展示了耶稣在摩尔门经封面上为彼得施洗的照片。
Yes, I have.
是的，我有。
Mormon Missionary 1 That's good.
摩门教传教士 1 很好。
We want to invite you to be baptized by that same authority that he's given.
我们想邀请您接受他所赋予的同样权柄的洗礼。
I'm Christian, I don't know.
我是基督徒，我不知道。
Mormon Missionary 1 Yeah, we are too.
摩门教传教士 1 是的，我们也是。
All right.
好的。
But I'm not Mormon.
但我不是摩门教。
Thank you though.
不过还是谢谢你。
"I'm not Mormon," she says.
“我不是摩门教徒，”她说。
"Thank you though."
“不过还是谢谢你了。”
I wouldn't talk to you if you were Mormon, right?
如果你是摩门教徒我就不会和你说话，对吗？
Where you from?
你从哪里来？
She's gone within seven seconds.
七秒之内她就走了。
Par for the course, says Elder [?
长老说，这是当然的[？
Longey ?].
朗吉？]。
I don't know if you saw.
不知道你有没有看到。
But when people say no and we're still trying to talk to them, we're just trying different things.
但当人们拒绝而我们仍在尝试与他们交谈时，我们只是在尝试不同的事情。
"No, I don't want that." "Do you know anyone who does want it?" "No, I don't know.
“不，我不想这样。” “你知道有人想要它吗？” “不，我不知道。
"Well do you know anybody who wants to come to church?" "No, I don't know anybody." "Well, do you want to come to church?"
“那么你认识谁想来教堂吗？” “不，我谁都不认识。” “嗯，你想去教堂吗？”
And then they walk away and you feel what?
然后他们走开，你有什么感觉？
And I feel, I don't know.
我觉得，我不知道。
That guy really doesn't want to go to church.
那家伙真的不想去教堂。
Sometimes I get defensive.
有时我会采取防御措施。
Under my breath I'll mutter something.
我会小声嘀咕些什么。
Elder [?
长老[?
Longey, ?] did you ever get the my baby's sleeping, I have to go watch it?
朗吉，？]你有没有让我的宝宝睡着了，我得去看看？
Oh, yeah.
哦，是的。
Mormon Missionary 1 I hate that.
摩门教传教士 1 我讨厌那样。
It's like, it's sleeping.
就好像，它正在睡觉。
You don't need to watch it.
你不需要看它。
Yeah, excuses.
是的，借口。
Mormon Missionary 1 Hey, brother, how you feeling today?
摩门教传教士 1 嘿，兄弟，今天感觉怎么样？
Hey, sisters, can we invite you guys to get your Mormon on by--
嘿，姐妹们，我们可以邀请你们加入你们的摩门教吗——
Calling everybody brother and sister was not working at all for them.
称每个人为兄弟姐妹对他们来说根本不起作用。
Have a good one.
祝你过得愉快。
Jane Feltes I figured it had to be a Mormon thing.
简·费尔特斯 我认为这一定是摩门教的事情。
It turns out, it's not.
事实证明，事实并非如此。
I picked that up in the Bronx.
我在布朗克斯捡到的。
"Hey, what's up brother?" Usually in the Bronx they're like, "Hey, what's up?" They'll like say it back.
“嘿，兄弟怎么了？”通常在布朗克斯，他们会说：“嘿，怎么了？”他们会喜欢说回来。
This definitely ain't the Bronx, though.
不过，这绝对不是布朗克斯。
Right across the street lives Jerry Seinfeld, Glenn Close, John McEnroe, and Helen Gurley Brown.
街对面住着杰里·宋飞 (Jerry Seinfeld)、格伦·克洛斯 (Glenn Close)、约翰·麦肯罗 (John McEnroe) 和海伦·格利·布朗 (Helen Gurley Brown)。
Which makes it the toughest kind of neighborhood for missionaries.
这使得它成为传教士最困难的社区。
In the Bronx, people will talk to them, let them visit their homes.
在布朗克斯，人们会与他们交谈，让他们参观自己的家。
But the wealthier the area, they say-- like here on Central Park West-- it's a much harder sell.
但他们说，越是富裕的地区——比如中央公园西区——就越难推销。
Spreading the word about Mormonism is a numbers game.
传播摩门教的信息是一场数字游戏。
And to talk to the greatest number of people in a day in New York City, the guys have each learned how to strike up a conversation in at least five different languages.
为了在纽约市一天内与最多的人交谈，这些人每个人都学会了如何用至少五种不同的语言进行对话。
Elder [?
长老[?
Longey ?] approaches a man sitting on the steps.
朗吉？]走近坐在台阶上的一个男人。
Brooklyn, que parte?
布鲁克林，哪一方？
Jane Feltes Elder [?
简·费尔特斯长老[？
Mellor ?] hears a woman speaking French to her child.
梅勒？] 听到一个女人对她的孩子说法语。
En Francais?
法语？
Believe de Mormon?
相信摩门教吗？
Au revoir.
再见。
And Elder [?
还有长老[?
Longey ?], he even knows some sign language.
朗吉？]，他甚至懂得一些手语。
Over the course of the afternoon, approaching every person who walks by, they get a couple dozen cards with the church's address into people's hands.
整个下午，他们走近每个路过的人，将几十张写有教堂地址的卡片送到了人们的手中。
They say, on average, they manage to get about three or four new people to come to church each week, which seems amazingly low given that it's two of them working basically every waking minute.
他们说，平均而言，他们每周都能吸引大约三到四个新人来教堂，考虑到其中两个人基本上醒着的每一分钟都在工作，这个数字似乎低得惊人。
Are these skills that you're learning out here these few years, are they things you think you're going to take into your career?
这些技能是你这几年在这里学到的，是你认为你会在职业生涯中运用的东西吗？
Yes.
是的。
Mormon Missionary 1 Most definitely.
摩门教传教士 1 绝对是。
Most definitely.
绝对是。
Jane Feltes What are you going to do?
简·费尔特斯 你打算做什么？
I thought about it.
我想了一下。
I was like, I bet selling life insurance is way easier than this.
我当时想，我打赌销售人寿保险比这容易得多。
Because I've met people who do sell life insurance.
因为我遇到过销售人寿保险的人。
They're happy people.
他们是快乐的人。
Mormon Missionary 1 They're very successful.
摩门教传教士 1 他们非常成功。
I wonder what I could do if I did that.
我想知道如果我这样做的话我能做什么。
Or those guys who sell scissors, going door to door.
或者那些挨家挨户卖剪刀的家伙。
Like CUTCO.
就像库科一样。
They sell scissors.
他们卖剪刀。
I'm like, I'm sure I can sell some scissors.
我想，我确信我可以卖一些剪刀。
Sometimes I think I could sell scissors better than that guy.
有时我想我可以比那个家伙卖剪刀更好。
Because you know how to do deal with people turning you down.
因为你知道如何应对拒绝你的人。
Even if you get turned down over and over again, it's finding that little thing that keeps you going, that little thing that keeps you talking to people.
即使你一次又一次地被拒绝，也正是找到了让你继续前进的小事，让你与人交谈的小事。
But in this, that little things that keeps you going is like eternal life.
但在这方面，那些让你继续前进的小事就像永生一样。
With scissors, I don't know.
用剪刀，我不知道。
While I'm with them, their longest conversations are with guys who seem down on their luck.
当我和他们在一起时，他们最长的谈话是与那些看起来运气不佳的人交谈。
One guy might have been drunk.
一个人可能喝醉了。
And another guy who, if he wasn't homeless, was probably often mistaken for homeless.
还有一个人，如果他不是无家可归的话，很可能经常被误认为是无家可归者。
And they spend even more time with people they have no hope of baptizing, like this guy.
他们花更多的时间与那些他们没有希望施洗的人在一起，就像这个人一样。
Here you go, last one.
给你，最后一张。
I don't like the way they translated this, but OK.
我不喜欢他们翻译的方式，但是好吧。
Elder [?
长老[?
Mellor ?] is standing talking to a middle-aged Orthodox Jewish man in a navy trench coat and hat.
梅勒？]正站着与一位穿着海军风衣、戴着帽子的中年正统犹太男子交谈。
The two men get into a long, in-depth discussion about religion, specifically whether, as the Mormons believe, a prophet walked the earth in America in the 1800s.
两人就宗教进行了长时间、深入的讨论，特别是摩门教徒是否相信，1800 年代的美国有一位先知行走过。
What about Jeremiah and things like that?
耶利米之类的事又如何呢？
In dreams.
在梦中。
They had dreams.
他们有梦想。
God did not speak to them
神没有对他们说话
Right.
对。
Our message is that God has a prophet on the earth again.
我们的信息是上帝再次在地球上派遣了一位先知。
There are many prophets.
有很多先知。
Mormon Missionary 2 This is true.
摩门教传教士 2 这是真的。
But there are those ordained, like Moses.
但也有一些人是被任命的，比如摩西。
It was like watching a couple of football fans talk about the Superbowl, even though they were rooting for different teams.
这就像看着几个足球迷谈论超级碗，尽管他们支持不同的球队。
They know they'll never convince the other that their team is better.
他们知道他们永远无法让对方相信他们的团队更好。
But they're really enjoying the back and forth.
但他们真的很享受来来回回。
They seem relieved to have found someone who relates to the world the way they do.
他们似乎因为找到了一个能像他们一样与世界相处的人而感到欣慰。
God bless you.
上帝保佑你。
Mormon Missionary 2 You too, brother.
摩门教传教士 2 你也是，兄弟。
Have a good one.
祝你过得愉快。
I think some of my favorite people I like talking to, I like talking to Jews and I like talking to Muslims.
我想我喜欢和一些我最喜欢的人交谈，我喜欢和犹太人交谈，我喜欢和穆斯林交谈。
Muslims are really cool just because I find that they're more devout.
穆斯林真的很酷，只是因为我发现他们更虔诚。
It's easier for me to talk to them because they're very faithful people.
我和他们交谈更容易，因为他们是非常忠诚的人。
You guys have that in common.
你们有这个共同点。
Mormon Missionary 1 Yeah, that's true.
摩门教传教士 1 是的，确实如此。
But like going along with the Jews and Muslims and stuff is they understand the idea of the covenant, you know, a two-way agreement.
但就像与犹太人和穆斯林相处一样，他们理解盟约的理念，你知道，双向协议。
So they're more devout with it.
所以他们对此更加虔诚。
At 6:00 PM it's dark and so cold nobody's on the street anymore.
下午 6:00 天黑了，寒冷，街上已经没有人了。
So the guys head off on a home visit to meet with a new potential convert.
于是，他们开始家访，去见一位新的潜在皈依者。
They have three hours of work ahead of them today, and roughly a combined 3,240 hours to go.
今天他们还有 3 个小时的工作时间，总计大约需要 3,240 个小时。
Jane Feltes is one of the producers of our show.
简·费尔特斯是我们节目的制片人之一。
Act Four, Contrails of My Tears.
第四幕，我的泪痕。
We end our show today with this story of a place that is the exact opposite of a tough room.
我们以这个与艰难房间完全相反的地方的故事来结束今天的节目。
Brett Martin says it's happened him.
布雷特·马丁说这件事发生在他身上。
A couple of years ago I was on a flight from New York to San Juan, Puerto Rico.
几年前，我乘坐从纽约飞往波多黎各圣胡安的航班。
The movie was Sweet Home Alabama, which you'll remember.
这部电影是《阿拉巴马甜蜜之家》，您一定会记得。
It's about a southern girl played by Reese Witherspoon who moves to New York, joins the fashion industry, and then is forced to return home and come to terms with her white trash roots.
该剧讲述了瑞茜·威瑟斯彭 (Reese Witherspoon) 饰演的南方女孩搬到纽约，加入时尚界，然后被迫返回家乡，接受自己的白人垃圾根源的故事。
At the end, there's a wedding scene when the character has to explain to her big city husband-to-be that she's leaving him for her earthy, down-home high school sweetheart.
最后，有一个婚礼场景，角色必须向她大城市的未婚夫解释，她要为了她朴实、朴实的高中恋人而离开他。
The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart.
事实上，我很久以前就把我的心献出了，我的整个心。
And I never really got it back.
我再也没有真正收回它。
And I don't even know what else to say.
我什至不知道还能说什么。
But I'm sorry.
但我很抱歉。
I can't marry you.
我不能嫁给你。
Into the stunned silence that follows walks Candice Bergen as the jilted fiance's dragon lady of a mother, who, coincidentally, also happens to be the mayor of New York.
坎迪斯·伯根 (Candice Bergen) 走进了一片令人震惊的沉默，饰演被抛弃的未婚夫的母亲龙女士，巧合的是，她也恰好是纽约市长。
After a volley of insults, Witherspoon decks Bergen.
在一系列辱骂之后，威瑟斯彭甲板上的卑尔根。
And it is at this moment, somewhere between when Witherspoon drawled, "Nobody talks to my mama like that," and her father, Earl Smooter, raised his face to the heavens and declared, "Praise the Lord.
就在这时，威瑟斯彭慢吞吞地说道：“没有人像这样跟我妈妈说话，”而她的父亲斯穆特伯爵则仰面朝天宣布：“赞美上帝。
The South has rise again," that something because to happen to me.
南方再次崛起”，因为这件事发生在我身上。
My face got hot and constricted.
我的脸变得又热又紧。
A softball rose in my throat that required a surprisingly loud snort to choke back.
我的喉咙里升起一股垒球般的感觉，需要用出人意料的响亮的鼻息才能咽回去。
My breathing grew rapid.
我的呼吸变得急促。
In short, I lost it and started to cry.
简而言之，我失去了它并开始哭泣。
I should say that Sweet Home Alabama is not a very good movie.
我应该说《阿拉巴马甜蜜之家》不是一部很好的电影。
It's actually a pretty terrible movie.
这实际上是一部非常糟糕的电影。
I have no particular attachment to Reese Witherspoon, and I'm not from the South.
我对瑞茜·威瑟斯彭没有特别的感情，而且我也不是来自南方。
Also, this was the fourth time I'd seen it.
而且，这是我第四次看到它。
See, my name is Brett and I cry at movies on airplanes.
看，我叫布雷特，我在飞机上看电影时哭了。
Not sometimes, always.
不是有时，是总是。
And not some movies, all movies.
不是某些电影，而是所有电影。
Don't believe me?
不相信我？
Here's a by no means complete list.
这绝不是完整的列表。
Bend It Like Beckham , 101 Dalmations , What A Girl Wants , Daredevil.
像贝克汉姆一样弯曲，101斑点狗，女孩想要什么，夜魔侠。
Let me be clear.
让我说清楚。
I am not afraid of flying.
我不怕飞行。
I like flying.
我喜欢飞行。
And I'm not a crier, at least not on land.
我不爱哭，至少在陆地上不爱哭。
Like many men I know, even sensitive ones who know that having a cry can be healthy and good, I passed some invisible line in adolescence where I simply stopped doing it.
像我认识的许多男人一样，甚至是那些知道哭泣有益于健康和有益的敏感男人，我在青春期就跨越了一条看不见的界限，于是我就停止了哭泣。
There have been many times in life that I probably should have cried, actually tried to cry, and wasn't able to.
生活中有很多次我可能应该哭，实际上试图哭，但哭不出来。
Because, of course, I didn't happen to be at 30,000 feet.
当然，因为我碰巧不在 30,000 英尺的高度。
Needless to say, this can be embarrassing.
不用说，这可能会很尴尬。
I once confessed my problem to a friend, and he thought for a long moment before saying, I'm sorry to hear that.
我曾经向一位朋友坦白了我的问题，他想了很久才说，听到这个消息我很遗憾。
Does it make your mascara run?
它会让你的睫毛膏流淌吗？
Earlier this year I was flying from Denver to New York and found myself seated next to a big, burly guy with a cowboy shirt and a western belt buckle.
今年早些时候，我从丹佛飞往纽约，发现自己坐在一个身材魁梧的家伙旁边，他穿着牛仔衬衫，戴着西部风格的皮带扣。
Before takeoff, we talked about football or college basketball or something.
起飞前，我们谈论了橄榄球或者大学篮球什么的。
Then they announced the movie.
然后他们宣布了这部电影。
It was Under The Tuscan Sun .
那是《托斯卡纳艳阳下》。
I glanced at my macho new buddy, thought about watching Diane Lane experience love and loss while rediscovering her inner strength at a farmhouse in the Italian countryside, and read the Sky Mall catalog instead.
我看了一眼我刚强的新朋友，想着看着黛安·莲恩在意大利乡村的一座农舍里重新发现她的内在力量时经历爱与失落，于是我阅读了天空购物中心的目录。
For a long time, I thought I was alone in this.
很长一段时间，我以为我是孤独一人。
Then a few months ago, I was at a party and overheard another guest describe how he fell to pieces watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond on a flight to California.
几个月前，我在一次聚会上无意中听到另一位客人描述了他在飞往加利福尼亚的航班上观看《人人都爱雷蒙德》的一集时精神崩溃的经历。
I started asking around and found I wasn't completely alone.
我开始四处打听，发现我并不完全孤单。
Greg is a 32-year-old guy in jeans and a Mets hat who just finished reading a book about college sports.
格雷格是一位 32 岁的男子，穿着牛仔裤，戴着大都会队的帽子，刚刚读完一本关于大学体育的书。
I think it might have been the only movie available was Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.
我认为唯一可用的电影可能是《辣身舞 2：哈瓦那之夜》。
The parents watch them dance and they see how special this relationship is.
父母看着他们跳舞，他们看到这种关系有多么特别。
And at that moment, they've gone from angry parents to sort of accepting of Javier.
在那一刻，他们已经从愤怒的父母转变为接受哈维尔。
I mean, I got choked up.
我是说，我哽咽了。
As my fellow weepers will tell you, even not watching the movie is no guarantee of safety.
正如我的哭泣者同胞们会告诉你的那样，即使不看电影也不能保证安全。
Here's my friend, Lindsay.
这是我的朋友，林赛。
So I was on a flight, I believe California to New York.
我当时正乘坐航班，从加利福尼亚州飞往纽约。
The specifics don't really stand out.
具体细节并不真正突出。
But I do remember that it required a $2 deposit for earphones or something.
但我记得买耳机什么的需要2美元押金。
And I wasn't ready to pay the $2 or I didn't have $2.
我还没有准备好支付 2 美元，或者我没有 2 美元。
And I decided I'd read my book.
我决定读我的书。
But the movie is playing.
但电影正在上映。
And I see it.
我看到了。
And I can't take my eyes off of it.
我无法将目光从它身上移开。
So I end up watching the entire duration of the movie without sound.
所以我最终在没有声音的情况下观看了整个电影。
And at various points throughout it I started welling up, thinking wow, I can't believe I'm crying in a movie I can't hear the sound to.
在整个过程中的不同时刻，我开始流泪，心想哇，我不敢相信我在一部听不到声音的电影中哭泣。
And it's Freaky Friday .
今天是“怪异星期五”。
Or take Steven, an avid film festival goer and professional movie critic who can discourse at length on the differences between early and late period Kurosawa.
或者以史蒂文为例，他是一位狂热的电影节观众和专业电影评论家，他可以详细讨论黑泽明早期和晚期之间的差异。
His plane hadn't even taken off.
他的飞机还没有起飞。
And they were just running this loop of commercials and in-flight programming and stuff.
他们只是循环播放广告和飞行节目之类的东西。
They hadn't started the movie.
他们还没有开始电影。
It was very early on.
那是很早的时候。
And there was this AMEX commercial.
还有这个美国运通公司的广告。
A man traveling through Europe, and you know, I think it was nighttime.
一个人穿越欧洲，你知道，我认为那是晚上。
I want to say it was raining or something.
我想说下雨什么的。
And this kind of haggard traveller, this businessman, is walking briskly through the street.
而这样一个憔悴的旅人，这个商人，正轻快地走在街上。
And then they close up on a wallet, clearly his, that he had left behind unknowingly.
然后他们靠近了一个钱包，显然是他的，是他在不知情的情况下留下的。
And then you see, cut to the hotel where he's checking in.
然后你看，镜头切到他要入住的酒店。
And the woman asks for a credit card.
这位女士索要一张信用卡。
And then he pats himself down and realizes he doesn't have it.
然后他拍了拍自己，发现自己没有。
He goes into a state of panic.
他陷入了恐慌状态。
I think that's when I started choking up.
我想那是我开始哽咽的时候。
And then he gets American Express on the phone.
然后他给美国运通打电话。
They explain it'll be OK.
他们解释说一切都会好起来的。
He'll have a credit card in the morning.
早上他就会拿到一张信用卡。
And then I start to relax a little bit.
然后我开始放松一点。
And then he says wait, I'm not going to be in this city.
然后他说等等，我不会去这个城市。
Tomorrow I have to travel.
明天我必须去旅行。
And then I started chocking up again.
然后我又开始窒息了。
And then they said, oh, we'll have a waiting for you in that city.
然后他们说，哦，我们会在那个城市等你。
And then I just started crying after that.
然后我就开始哭了。
I was so happy for him, and relieved.
我为他感到高兴，也松了口气。
It was a pretty tense situation there for about 15 or 20 seconds.
那里的局势相当紧张，持续了大约 15 或 20 秒。
This is one of the strange features of our problem.
这是我们问题的奇怪特征之一。
We're less likely to cry at the sad parts of a movie, or financial services industry commercial, than at the happy ones, the parts where everything turns out all right.
我们不太可能为电影或金融服务业广告中的悲伤部分哭泣，而会为快乐的部分（一切都好起来的部分）哭泣。
For instance, in the movie Larger Than Life , which I saw somewhere over the Atlantic a few years ago, it wasn't the moment where Bill Murray is separated from the elephant that his dead circus clown father has left him as a means to change his life as a down-on-his-luck motivational speaker that had me reaching for the tissues.
例如，几年前我在大西洋彼岸看过的电影《大于生命》中，比尔·默里与他死去的马戏团小丑父亲留给他的大象分开的那一刻，并不是让他作为一个倒霉的励志演说家改变生活的手段，而是让我伸手去拿纸巾。
It was when they were reunited.
那是他们重逢的时候。
In fact, the first time this happened to me was during one of the happiest scenes I'd ever seen.
事实上，这种事第一次发生在我身上是在我见过的最快乐的场景之一。
It was in Big Night, Stanley Tucci's movie about fraternal love and Italian food.
这是斯坦利·图齐（Stanley Tucci）关于兄弟之爱和意大利美食的电影《Big Night》中的场景。
Mid-way through the movie, Tucci's character and his brother stage a feast in their New Jersey restaurant, and, at one point, bring out a whole roast pig.
电影进行到一半时，图奇饰演的角色和他的兄弟在新泽西州的餐厅举办了一场盛宴，并一度端出了一整只烤猪。
The camera pans across the faces of the guests just amazed by this unbelievable bounty being wheeled into the room.
镜头扫过客人们的脸，他们对被推入房间的令人难以置信的赏金感到惊讶。
And the lump because to rise in my throat.
肿块因为在我喉咙里升起。
I found myself brimming over with joy, with the sense that somewhere in the darkness, miles below, just like on screen, people were laughing, communing, sharing a meal.
我发现自己充满了喜悦，感觉在黑暗中的某个地方，几英里外，就像屏幕上一样，人们在欢笑、交流、共享一顿饭。
It was impossibly beautiful.
真是美得难以置信。
And there was just nothing to do but cry.
除了哭泣，什么也做不了。
I've never heard of anyone crying inappropriately on trains, or on buses, or in boats, or cars.
我从来没有听说过有人在火车、公共汽车、轮船或汽车上不当哭泣。
What is it about airplanes?
飞机有什么关系？
I remember getting off the plane thinking, I should really actually be embarrassed by the fact that I just cried during Freaky Friday and I didn't even hear the sound to it.
我记得下飞机时我想，我真的应该感到尴尬，因为我在《怪诞星期五》期间哭了，但我什至没有听到它的声音。
But I wasn't.
但我不是。
It's like, what happens in air stays in air, I guess.
我想，就像，空气中发生的事情就留在空气中。
The people I talked to offered a lot of excuses.
与我交谈的人提供了很多借口。
It's the recirculated air.
这是再循环的空气。
Your eyes are dry.
你的眼睛很干。
You're often tired and leaving people behind.
你经常很累，把别人抛在后面。
And, of course, there's the obvious conclusion.
当然，还有一个显而易见的结论。
We're all scared to death.
我们都吓得要死。
But I've been on hundreds of planes, including quite a few tiny ones, one sea plane that landed on water, and one blimp.
但我乘坐过数百架飞机，包括相当多的小型飞机、一架降落在水面上的水上飞机和一架飞艇。
I've taken the controls of a plane.
我已经控制了一架飞机。
I've jumped out of a plane.
我从飞机上跳下来了。
I've searched my soul.
我已经搜查过我的灵魂。
An honest-to-god, I find no fear of flying.
老实说，我并不害怕飞行。
And all the frequent criers I interviewed felt the same.
我采访过的所有经常哭泣的人都有同样的感觉。
No, something else happens up there, in that weird hanging state between where you're going and where you've left, where there's no phone calls to take, nowhere to go, nothing to do.
不，那里发生了其他事情，在你要去的地方和离开的地方之间那种奇怪的悬挂状态，没有电话可接，无处可去，无事可做。
Some strange overhead compartment of the heart opens up.
心脏上方一些奇怪的隔室打开了。
And critical judgment grabs its flotational seat cushion and follows the lighted pathway to the big, yellow slide.
批判性的判断抓住了它的浮动座垫，沿着灯光路径到达黄色的大滑梯。
My friend Greg says this actually makes the ride better.
我的朋友格雷格说这实际上让旅程变得更好。
Think about it.
想一想。
You're stuck in a seat for 5, or 10, or 15 hours.
你被困在座位上 5、10、或 15 个小时。
And how would you rather pass the time?
您更愿意如何打发时间？
Sitting there being a critic, or just simply giving in?
坐在那里批评，或者只是简单地屈服？
I mean, I wouldn't have watched Havana Nights in the waiting area waiting to get on the plane.
我的意思是，我不会在等待登机的等候区观看《哈瓦那之夜》。
On Earth, no, not a chance.
在地球上，不，没有机会。
But once you step on the plane, I'm open to and accepting the movie.
但一旦踏上飞机，我就对这部电影持开放态度并接受它。
And then once you do that, it's going to leave me jelly, turn me into jelly.
一旦你这么做了，我就会变成果冻，把我变成果冻。
My own theory goes something like this.
我自己的理论是这样的。
My father once told me that the reason squirrels get hit by cars is that evolutionarily nothing in their little hard-wired brains is capable of understanding a large object is hurtling toward them at 70 miles per hour.
我父亲曾经告诉我，松鼠被汽车撞到的原因是，从进化的角度来看，它们那小小的硬连线大脑中没有任何东西能够理解一个大物体正以 70 英里的时速冲向它们。
Well, even though I fly all the time, nothing in my little hard-wired brain is capable of understanding-- I mean really understanding-- stepping onto a metal tube, hanging in space for a while, and then stepping off 6,000 miles away in a place with different weather, different stars, different time.
好吧，尽管我一直在飞行，但我那小小的硬连线大脑中没有任何东西能够理解——我的意思是真正理解——踏上金属管，在太空中悬挂一段时间，然后在不同天气、不同星星、不同时间的地方走下 6000 英里。
It puts you into a kind of sterile, infantilizing travel purgatory.
它把你带入一种无菌的、婴儿化的旅行炼狱。
You're strapped in, given a blanket, a little sippy cup, and tiny silverware, forced to do whatever you're told and borne away at speeds you can't conceive without seeing where you're going.
你被绑在身上，给你一条毯子、一个小吸管杯和小银器，被迫做你被告知的任何事情，并以你无法想象的速度被带走，而不知道你要去哪里。
We all deal with this dislocation differently.
我们处理这种混乱的方式各有不同。
Many times I've thought, why can't I just have air rage?
我很多次想，为什么我不能有空怒呢？
Why can't I be the guy drinking 14 mini bottles of Amaretto, surfing down the aisle on the dinner cart, groping stewardesses, and cursing?
为什么我不能成为那个喝着 14 小瓶苦杏仁酒、坐在餐车的过道上、摸索空姐、咒骂的人呢？
But then, I do a lot of yelling and screaming down here on the ground, even a little groping.
但后来，我在地上大喊大叫，甚至有点摸索。
What I don't do is cry.
我不做的就是哭泣。
Not over breakups, or reunions, or triumphs, or deaths, or leaving home, or coming back, or any of life's other bumps and transformations.
不是因为分手，或重聚，或胜利，或死亡，或离开家，或回来，或生活中的任何其他坎坷和转变。
Maybe that's the key to my air-- what, sorrow?
也许这就是我空气的关键——什么，悲伤？
Maybe I cry the tears I should be shedding on Earth.
也许我应该在地球上流泪。
And all of you people who don't cry on airplanes, you're probably the ones I see sobbing on the subway, or on street corners, or at funerals.
你们这些在飞机上不会哭泣的人，可能是我在地铁、街角或葬礼上看到哭泣的人。
You probably get it all out at home.
你可能会在家里把一切都搞出来。
Well, boo hoo.
嗯，嘘。
Do us all a favor and keep it in the air, you babies.
宝贝们，请帮我们大家一个忙，并将其保留在空中。
Brett Martin is a correspondent for GQ Magazine in New York.
布雷特·马丁 (Brett Martin) 是《GQ》杂志驻纽约的记者。
[MUSIC - "MOVE THE CROWD" BY ERIC B.
[音乐 - 埃里克·B 的《感动人群》
& RAKIM]
＆拉基姆]
Our program was produced today by Robyn Semien, with Alex Blumberg, Jane Feltes, John Jeter, Sarah Koenig, Lisa Pollak, Alissa Shipp, and Nancy Updike.
今天我们的节目由 Robyn Semien 与 Alex Blumberg、Jane Feltes、John Jeter、Sarah Koenig、Lisa Pollak、Alissa Shipp 和 Nancy Updike 共同制作。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Seth Lind is our production manager.
塞思·林德 (Seth Lind) 是我们的生产经理。
Emily Condon is our office manager.
艾米丽·康登 (Emily Condon) 是我们的办公室经理。
Adrianne Mathiowetz runs our website.
阿德琳娜·马修韦茨 (Adrianne Mathiowetz) 负责运营我们的网站。
Music help from Jessica Hopper.
杰西卡·霍珀的音乐帮助。
Production help from Eric Mennel.
埃里克·门内尔 (Eric Mennel) 提供制作帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
[致谢]《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
WBEZ management oversight by our boss, Mr. Torey Malatia, who says that he is absolutely certain after all these years that doing the pledge drive must be good for something.
WBEZ 的管理由我们的老板托里·马拉蒂亚 (Torey Malatia) 先生负责监督，他说，这么多年过去了，他绝对确信，进行承诺活动一定是有好处的。
I thought about it.
我想了一下。
I was like, I bet selling life insurance is way easier than this.
我当时想，我打赌销售人寿保险比这容易得多。
Or like, those guys who sell scissors, go door to door.
或者就像那些卖剪刀的人挨家挨户挨家挨户推销一样。
Like Cutco.
就像库科一样。
They sell scissors.
他们卖剪刀。
I'm like, I'm sure I could sell some scissors.
我想，我确信我可以卖一些剪刀。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。