42: Get Over It! - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #42 | September 22, 2000 42: Get Over It!
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 42 集 | 2000 年 9 月 22 日 42：克服它！
Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Act One: When You're In Love, The Whole World Is Jewish Boy From PRI, Public Radio International.
第一幕：当你恋爱时，整个世界都是来自国际公共广播电台 PRI 的犹太男孩。
Radio International.
国际广播电台。
Man 2 --Radio International.
男人2——国际广播电台。
One more time.
再一次。
Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的 Ira Glass，这就是《美国生活》。
Well, it was Danielle's cousin, Lynn, who said it best.
嗯，说得最好的是丹妮尔的表弟林恩。
She said that Danielle and I had put ourselves into the kind of situation that 1,000 comedies had been built on, situation comedies, screwball comedies, every kind of TV, theatre, movie, drama thing.
她说丹妮尔和我把自己置于了 1000 部喜剧的基础上，情景喜剧、怪诞喜剧、各种电视、戏剧、电影、戏剧。
We had done that.
我们已经做到了。
We had done that to ourselves.
我们自己也这么做过。
And how did we not know?
我们怎么不知道呢？
Here we were, Danielle and I.
我们在这里，丹妮尔和我。
We used to be involved.
我们曾经参与过。
And it was our first time together as just friends.
这是我们第一次以朋友的身份在一起。
Just friends.
只是朋友。
Just friends.
只是朋友。
You know you are in trouble when the word "just" appears in front of the word "friend." It's almost hard to think of a context where those two words are used together, a sentence constructed-- unless you're using the word "just" in some radically different way, like, "I think the verdict was just.
当“朋友”一词前面出现“只是”一词时，您就知道自己有麻烦了。几乎很难想象这两个词一起使用的上下文，一个句子——除非你以某种完全不同的方式使用“公正”这个词，比如，“我认为判决是公正的。
Friends may disagree." If they have nothing to do with each other, maybe it's OK.
朋友们可能不同意。”如果他们之间没有任何关系，也许没关系。
But-- but, but, but.
但是——但是，但是，但是。
Because automatically, it implies a negotiation's happening, just friends.
因为自然而然地，这意味着谈判正在进行，只是朋友。
Friends is like a state of being.
朋友就像一种存在状态。
Friends is like there's a road.
朋友就像有一条路。
There are houses.
有房子。
People are friends.
人们是朋友。
So when you put "just" in front of it, it suggests the imbalance.
所以当你在它前面加上“正好”时，它就表明了不平衡。
And that's where you get the screwball comedy aspect.
这就是你获得怪诞喜剧方面的地方。
All right, I'm going to try to keep the mundane personal information to a minimum here so we can focus on the bigger, universal truths this story may offer.
好吧，我将尽力将平凡的个人信息保持在最低限度，以便我们可以专注于这个故事可能提供的更大、普遍的真理。
Briefly, some facts, though.
简而言之，有一些事实。
OK, Danielle and I had been broken up for half a year.
好吧，我和丹妮尔已经分手半年了。
And she lived in New York City.
她住在纽约市。
I lived in Chicago.
我住在芝加哥。
And we talked on the phone several times a week.
我们每周都会通几次电话。
In other words, that kind of weird, post-relationship situation where there's no more sex, but you depend on each other for all your emotional needs.
换句话说，就是那种奇怪的、关系结束后的情况，不再有性行为，但你们所有的情感需求都依赖对方。
So all the work of the relationship, but none of the sheer physical pleasure.
因此，所有的关系都是工作，但没有纯粹的身体愉悦。
That was our thing.
那是我们的事。
Anyway, so two days before I came to New York City to visit friends there-- real friends, not just friends, just normal friends-- and Danielle, she informs me that there's a guy that she had started dating.
不管怎样，在我来纽约拜访朋友的前两天——真正的朋友，不仅仅是朋友，只是普通的朋友——还有丹妮尔，她告诉我她已经开始和一个男人约会了。
'I like him," she said.
“我喜欢他，”她说。
"I really like him." And then two days later, I found myself in New York City.
“我真的很喜欢他。”两天后，我发现自己来到了纽约市。
And your wish in this kind of situation is you want a sense of, OK, we're going to be friends.
在这种情况下，你的愿望是你想要一种感觉，好吧，我们要成为朋友了。
It's going to be OK.
一切都会好起来的。
We're going to see how this new thing between us feels.
我们将看看我们之间的这种新事物感觉如何。
And we're trying to hang out and be buddies.
我们正在尝试出去玩并成为朋友。
And that's how we ended up in Saks Fifth Avenue, where the first moment of our screwball comedy weekend occurred.
就这样，我们来到了萨克斯第五大道，我们的怪诞喜剧周末的第一个时刻就是在这里发生的。
So we're walking through that big, cold-floored Fifth Avenue store, the mannequins everywhere and Anne Klein and Anne Klein Two and Anne Klein Contemporaries-- there are actually three different Anne Klein departments at Saks Fifth Avenue-- and all the other designers.
所以我们正在穿过那家巨大的、冷地板的第五大道商店，到处都是人体模型，还有 Anne Klein、Anne Klein Two 和 Anne Klein Contemporaries——实际上 Saks Fifth Avenue 拥有三个不同的 Anne Klein 部门——以及所有其他设计师。
And it wasn't too crowded, and it wasn't too empty.
而且这里并不太拥挤，也不太空旷。
And she was walking ahead of me, just a step or two ahead of me, never quite meeting my eye.
她走在我前面，只比我领先一两步，从来没有完全看过我的眼睛。
And I realized that, oh, that's the way this has been for an hour or two, isn't it?
我意识到，哦，这样的情况已经持续了一两个小时了，不是吗？
When we were walking up the street, it was like that.
当我们走在街上时，情况就是这样。
She wasn't quite meeting my eye.
她不太直视我的目光。
She wasn't quite talking to me.
她不太在跟我说话。
It was like she was holding a certain emotional distance.
就好像她在情感上保持着一定的距离。
And that's the thing that gets to you.
这就是你所关心的。
It's not the big picture.
这不是大局。
No, we're not together.
不，我们没有在一起。
No, we have no future together.
不，我们在一起没有未来。
It's the little picture.
就是那张小图。
No, you won't meet my eyes anymore.
不，你不会再看我的眼睛了。
And in each of our histories of love, who has not played both parts in this drama?
而在我们各自的爱情史中，谁没有扮演过这出戏的两个角色呢？
Both parts, who hasn't been both people in this picture at one time or another?
这两部分，谁不是曾经是这张照片中的两个人呢？
The person walking a little briskly ahead, not meeting the eye of the other person, and the person walking behind, a little over-eager, a little extra edge of anxiousness, wanting to make the connection, a little bit like an eager puppy.
走在前面的人有点轻快，不与对方对视，而走在后面的人，有点过于渴望，有点额外的焦虑，想要建立联系，有点像一只热切的小狗。
The other person ahead, a little bit put off by the yapping of this puppy.
前面的另一个人被这只小狗的叫声有点推迟。
No matter how subtle and dignified and interesting that yapping happens to be, just kind of not wanting to deal with this, not wanting to face this situation, walking ahead about three paces.
不管那叫声多么微妙、多么凝重、多么有趣，只是有点不想处理这个，不想面对这种情况，向前走了大约三步。
Who among us has not been on both sides of that?
我们当中谁没有经历过双方的争斗呢？
So she's looking for clothes.
所以她正在找衣服。
And she has this new guy she's seeing.
她正在约会的这个新男人。
And she's carrying the clothes.
她还拿着衣服。
And we're looking for a dressing room.
我们正在寻找更衣室。
And we find a dressing room.
我们找到了一间更衣室。
And we stand outside the dressing room.
我们站在更衣室外面。
And it's an automatic setup situation.
这是一个自动设置的情况。
Do I come into this dressing room and watch you try on-- she's like, "I want you to see these clothes." OK, do I come into the dressing room?
我是否会走进更衣室看你试穿——她会说，“我想让你看看这些衣服。”好的，我可以进更衣室吗？
There's something inherently odd and awkward about not coming in, because what is in there that I have not seen before?
不进来确实有点奇怪和尴尬，因为里面有什么我以前没见过的东西？
But there's something inherently awkward about coming in as well because things have changed.
但进来也有一些固有的尴尬，因为事情已经发生了变化。
Either way, there's a problem.
不管怎样，都有一个问题。
So we stood there in the door of this dressing room and composed the orbits that we're riding against each other, right?
所以我们站在更衣室门口，组成了我们彼此对抗的轨道，对吗？
We looked at the two little orbits and decided, OK, I'll go in.
我们看着两个小轨道，决定，好吧，我进去。
And she takes off her clothes and tries on these clothes.
她脱下衣服并试穿这些衣服。
And the clothes she has gotten are the following.
而她得到的衣服如下。
There's a little lacy, clingy, sort of stretched top of black, kind of like a black lace thing that you would wear maybe a jacket over to cover your nipples.
有一件黑色蕾丝上衣，有点紧贴，有点拉伸，有点像黑色蕾丝的东西，你可能会穿一件夹克来遮盖你的乳头。
And so she's got that on.
所以她就穿上了。
And she's got this little miniskirt.
她有这条小迷你裙。
And while we've been walking around Saks, she's been saying, "I've got to find a miniskirt.
当我们在 Saks 周围散步时，她一直在说：“我必须找到一条迷你裙。
I really need a black miniskirt." She just switched jobs.
我真的需要一条黑色迷你裙。”她刚刚换了工作。
And so she's trying on this miniskirt.
所以她正在试穿这条迷你裙。
And she's looking very cute.
而且她看起来很可爱。
She's looking adorable.
她看起来很可爱。
And suddenly, she's trying on the miniskirt, so I say, "Well, honey, you have a miniskirt.
突然，她正在试穿迷你裙，所以我说：“好吧，亲爱的，你有一条迷你裙。
You have that black pleated miniskirt.
你有那条黑色褶皱迷你裙。
I've seen you in that miniskirt a million times." She says, "No, no, no, no. No, no. That miniskirt comes down to here." And she indicates a spot maybe an inch above her knee.
我已经见过你穿那条迷你裙一百万次了。”她说，“不，不，不，不。不，不。那条迷你裙就到这里了。”她指着膝盖上方一英寸的地方。
"I need a miniskirt that's a lot shorter.
“我需要一条短得多的迷你裙。
I need it to come to here." And she indicates a spot maybe, I don't know, six inches, eight inches, above her knee.
我需要它到这里来。”她指着一个地方，我不知道，大概在她膝盖上方六英寸，八英寸处。
Six inches.
六英寸。
A lot higher.
高很多。
And there's a pause.
然后有一个停顿。
And she looks at me and says, "Well, I wouldn't wear this to work."
她看着我说：“好吧，我不会穿这个去上班。”
So I start to think to myself, "What am I doing here?
所以我开始对自己思考：“我在这里做什么？
Who are these clothes for?" And I picture the guy who she's going out with.
这些衣服是给谁穿的？”我想象着和她一起出去的那个男人。
And I picture pretty much him looking at the clothes, her trying to look cute in the clothes, her looking very cute in the clothes.
我几乎想象他看着衣服，她试图穿衣服看起来很可爱，她穿衣服看起来很可爱。
I pretty much picture everything you can picture.
我几乎想象出了你能想象到的一切。
And I'm sitting down on the chair.
我坐在椅子上。
There's a little chair in the dressing room.
更衣室里有一把小椅子。
And so there's Danielle, looking adorable in her little clothes, and kind of absorbed in looking at it this way and that.
丹妮尔穿着小衣服，看上去很可爱，而且全神贯注地这样那样地看着它。
And I'm going to try to describe the gesture that occurs next.
我将尝试描述接下来发生的手势。
Imagine me, a tallish sort of guy, slumped in this chair, leaning back in this chair in this dressing room.
想象一下我，一个身材高大的家伙，瘫坐在更衣室里的这张椅子上，靠在椅子上。
And I hope I can convey this over the radio, the motion she does next.
我希望我能通过广播传达这一点，她接下来要做的动作。
I had been feeling like she kind of wasn't seeing me.
我一直感觉她好像没有看到我。
When we were walking around the store, I felt a little bit ignored, like not seen.
当我们在商店里走来走去时，我感觉有点被忽视，就像没有被看见一样。
And I'm sitting in the dressing room thinking, "You know, I should really leave this dressing room.
我坐在更衣室里想，“你知道，我真的应该离开这个更衣室。
I don't really need to see this right now."
我现在真的不需要看到这个。”
And just as I'm thinking this thought, she takes off the miniskirt, and she just kind of tosses it onto the chair, as if it were an empty chair.
正当我想到这个的时候，她脱下了迷你裙，然后把它扔到了椅子上，就好像它是一把空椅子一样。
But in fact, I'm sitting on it.
但事实上，我正坐在上面。
So she just tosses the skirt onto me.
于是她就把裙子扔到我身上。
And suddenly, she looks up.
突然，她抬起头来。
And in horror, actually, I have to say, to her credit, in actual horror, and sees this skirt kind of sitting on my chest, because I'm slumped backwards.
事实上，我不得不说，值得赞扬的是，我真的很害怕，看到这条裙子有点坐在我的胸前，因为我向后倒了下去。
And so there's this semi-horizontal surface.
所以就有了这个半水平的表面。
And this skirt is now sitting on my chest, looking ridiculous.
而这条裙子现在正坐在我的胸前，看起来很可笑。
And suddenly, she realizes exactly what she's done.
突然间，她清楚地意识到自己做了什么。
And she says to me, "Oh, no. You're going to talk about this on your radio show, aren't you?"
她对我说：“哦，不。你会在广播节目中谈论这个，不是吗？”
Well, of course, this is my radio show.
嗯，当然，这是我的广播节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
And by the way, I did get Danielle's permission to talk about this on the radio.
顺便说一句，我确实得到了丹妮尔的许可，可以在广播中谈论这件事。
Otherwise I would not be here talking about it with you today.
不然我今天也不会在这里和你们谈论这件事。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一个主题。
Today's theme is Get Over It.
今天的主题是克服它。
We bring you three stories of people who have a hard time letting go of the past.
我们为您带来了三个关于人们很难摆脱过去的故事。
Act One of our program, the act we're in, right now, is nonfiction.
我们节目的第一幕，我们现在正在进行的表演，是非小说类的。
Act Two is fiction.
第二幕是虚构的。
Act Three is a little documentary.
第三幕是一部小纪录片。
And I bring up what happened between me and Danielle because I think that she and I stumbled upon a few things that happen universally in the "get over it" situation.
我提起我和丹妮尔之间发生的事情，因为我认为她和我偶然发现了一些在“克服它”的情况下普遍发生的事情。
For one thing, one of the most delicate aspects of this situation is how much information do you want about your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend, or your ex-whatever's new whatever?
一方面，这种情况最微妙的方面之一是，你想要多少关于你前女友的新男友，或者你的前任的新男友的信息？
My friend Julie told me a story in mourning that went as follows.
我的朋友朱莉在哀悼中给我讲了一个故事，内容如下。
She had hungrily devoured every piece of information she could get about one of her ex-boyfriends' new girlfriends.
她如饥似渴地阅读了所有关于她前男友的新女友的信息。
And at one point, he told her that the girl had a dog.
有一次，他告诉她，那个女孩养了一只狗。
And somehow, that detail made Julie crazy.
不知怎的，这个细节让朱莉抓狂了。
It made her feel like, "Oh my god, this is a person with her life worked out completely.
这让她感觉，“天哪，这是一个人生完全圆满的人。
This is a person whose life is so much better than mine.
这是一个生活比我好得多的人。
This person has a dog, which means that they have a life that can surround a dog.
这个人有一只狗，这意味着他们有一个可以围绕着狗的生活。
And the fact that they have a dog means that they're a person capable of love.
事实上，他们养狗就意味着他们是一个有爱的人。
And it means that they're a person in a stable situation, with a home where they can have a dog." And suddenly, everything came into question about him and her and the girl.
这意味着他们是一个处境稳定的人，有一个可以养狗的家。”突然间，关于他、她和那个女孩的一切都受到了质疑。
And I wanted to avoid that.
我想避免这种情况。
But I wanted information.
但我想要信息。
And I don't know exactly why, but there was a powerful herd of stampeding horses within me, wanting information.
我不知道到底为什么，但我内心有一大群狂奔的马，想要得到信息。
And I found myself asking questions.
我发现自己在问问题。
And I know, "Listen very carefully to these questions.
我知道，“仔细听这些问题。
Listen very carefully, Ira.
仔细听，艾拉。
Because whatever it is that you're asking will indicate something about yourself.
因为无论你问什么，都会表明一些关于你自己的事情。
And the order you ask them will indicate something.
你问他们的顺序会表明一些事情。
You can learn something here." And I listened.
你可以在这里学到一些东西。”我听了。
And I said to myself, OK.
我对自己说，好吧。
"How old is he?" "He's 28." And OK, that one made sense.
“他多大了？” “他28岁了。”好吧，这是有道理的。
The age difference between Danielle and I had been kind of a big issue.
丹妮尔和我之间的年龄差异是一个大问题。
And so I was trying to gauge where this new guy fit into the geography of that old, familiar landscape.
所以我试图判断这个新人在这个古老而熟悉的地理环境中的位置。
See, that's part of what this is about.
看，这就是本文的一部分。
You have this map of an emotional city that you've built with another person.
你有一张你和另一个人一起建造的情感城市的地图。
And you want to figure out, well, where are they on the map now?
您想弄清楚他们现在在地图上的什么位置？
So my second question was going to be, "So what's he do?
所以我的第二个问题是：“那么他是做什么的？
What's he do for a living?" But you know how every now and then, you'll read an article, or somebody at a party will say, "Isn't it shallow?" They'll say, "Isn't it shallow that when people want to know about other people, the first question they ask is, 'What do they do for a living?' Isn't that so shallow?
他以什么为生？”但是你知道，时不时地，你会读到一篇文章，或者聚会上的某个人会说，“这不是很肤浅吗？”他们会说，“当人们想了解其他人时，他们问的第一个问题是，‘他们以什么为生，这不是很肤浅吗？’是不是这么肤浅啊？
Doesn't that indicate what a shallow group of people we are?"
这不正说明我们是一群多么肤浅的人吗？”
And I thought, I don't want to fall into that trap.
我想，我不想陷入那个陷阱。
I don't want to fall into that trap of just equating people with their jobs.
我不想陷入将人与工作等同起来的陷阱。
You don't want to think we are our jobs.
你不想认为我们就是我们的工作。
That's just a shallow sort of thing.
这只是一种肤浅的事情。
So I sidestepped that question and came up with another question.
所以我回避了这个问题并提出了另一个问题。
The question I found myself asking-- I don't know where this came from-- was, "Is he a Jew?" I've been to services, what, once in the last 15 years?
我不知道自己问的问题是：“他是犹太人吗？”我去过服务业，什么，过去 15 年里去过一次吗？
"Is he a Jew?"
“他是犹太人吗？”
I think what I meant by it was is he a member of my tribe?
我想我的意思是他是我部落的成员吗？
Is he like me?
他和我一样吗？
Is he like me, honey?
他像我一样吗，亲爱的？
Honey, you're seeing somebody else?
亲爱的，你在约会别人吗？
Is he like me?
他和我一样吗？
He must be like me if you're seeing him, right?
如果你看到他，他一定和我一样，对吧？
The only person you could be interested in is me, so he must be like me.
你唯一能感兴趣的人就是我，所以他一定和我一样。
He was not a Jew.
他不是犹太人。
Now, I would like to tell you, beloved radio listener, that this phase of jealousy and competitiveness passed quickly on my part, that I moved with grace and ease into the world of just friends.
现在，我想告诉你，亲爱的广播听众，这个嫉妒和竞争的阶段很快就过去了，我优雅而轻松地进入了朋友的世界。
I would like to say that.
我想说的是。
But one of the rules of getting over it, in fact, maybe the main rule of getting over it, is that you cannot choose the time and place.
但克服它的规则之一，事实上，也许是克服它的主要规则，是你无法选择时间和地点。
You cannot will it to happen.
你无法希望它发生。
You cannot think, "OK, now.
你不能想：“好吧，现在。
I have the right attitude right now.
我现在的态度是正确的。
I'm over it.
我已经结束了。
I'm ready.
我准备好了。
I'm over it, and it's now."
我已经结束了，现在就是了。”
It's like when Jesus returns.
就像耶稣再来时一样。
I say this to you as a Jew.
我作为一个犹太人对你说这些。
It's like when Jesus returns.
就像耶稣再来时一样。
None will know the exact day or hour.
没有人会知道确切的日期或时间。
It can come like a thief in the night, the getting over it.
它可能像夜里的小偷一样降临，克服它。
Well, coming up in just a little bit, another story of somebody trying to get over it, trying to will himself to get over it, with exactly as much success as you would expect anybody to have who tries.
好吧，稍后会出现另一个故事，讲述的是一个人试图克服它，试图让自己克服它，并取得了与你期望任何尝试过的人所获得的成功一样多的成功。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act Two, Wishing for Amnesia.
第二幕，希望失忆。
Well, this next story of someone unable to get over it comes from George Saunders, his amazing and sad and funny book, CivilWarLand in Bad Decline.
好吧，下一个关于某人无法克服它的故事来自乔治·桑德斯，他的令人惊奇、悲伤和有趣的书《衰落中的内战土地》。
This story is called "Offloading for Mrs. Schwartz."
这个故事叫做“施瓦茨夫人的卸载”。
Elizabeth always thought the fake stream running through our complex was tacky.
伊丽莎白一直认为流经我们大楼的假溪流很俗气。
Whenever I'd sit brooding beside it after one of our fights, she'd hoot down at me from the balcony.
每当我们吵架后，每当我坐在它旁边沉思时，她就会从阳台上对我吼叫。
Then I'd come in, and we'd make up.
然后我就进来了，我们就和好了。
Oh, would we.
哦，我们愿意。
I think of it.
我想起来了。
I think of it and think of it.
我想了想了。
Finally, in despair, I call GuiltMasters.
最后，在绝望中，我打电话给 GuiltMasters。
GuiltMasters are Jean and Bob Fleen, a brother/sister psychiatric practice.
罪恶大师是吉恩·弗林 (Jean Fleen) 和鲍勃·弗林 (Bob Fleen)，他们是精神病诊所的兄妹。
In their late-night TV ads, they wear cowls and capes and stand on either side of a sobbing, neurotic woman in sweater and slacks.
在深夜电视广告中，他们戴着头巾和斗篷，站在一位穿着毛衣和休闲裤、抽泣、神经质的女人两侧。
By the end of the bit, she's romping through a field of daisies.
到最后，她正在一片雏菊田里嬉戏。
I get Jean Fleen.
我明白让·弗林。
I tell her I've done a bad thing I can't live with.
我告诉她我做了一件我无法忍受的坏事。
She says I've called the right place.
她说我打给了正确的地方。
She says there's nothing so shameful it can't be addressed by GuiltMasters.
她说，没有什么可耻的事情是罪责大师无法解决的。
I take a deep breath and spill my guts.
我深吸一口气，吐出我的内脏。
There's a silence from Jean's end.
吉恩那边一片沉默。
Then she asks can I hold.
然后她问我可以抱吗？
Upbeat muzak comes on.
欢快的音乐响起。
Several minutes later, Bob comes on and asks can they call me back.
几分钟后，鲍勃过来问他们可以给我回电话吗？
I wait by the phone, one hour, two hours, all night, nothing.
我在电话旁等了一个小时，两个小时，整整一夜，什么也没有。
The sun comes up.
太阳升起来了。
Brad from Complex Grounds turns on the bubbler and the white water begins to flow.
Complex Grounds 的布拉德打开起泡器，白水开始流动。
I don't shower.
我不洗澡。
I don't shave.
我不刮胡子。
I put on the same pants I had before.
我穿上了之前穿的那条裤子。
It's too much.
太多了。
Three years since her death, and still I'm a wreck.
她去世三年了，我仍然一团糟。
I think of fleeing the city.
我想到了逃离这座城市。
I think of working on a shrimper or setting myself on fire downtown.
我想到在捕虾者那里工作，或者在市中心自焚。
Instead, I go to work.
相反，我去上班。
In spite of my problems, personal interactive holography marches on.
尽管存在问题，个人交互式全息技术仍在继续前进。
All morning, I hopefully dust.
整个早上，我希望能除尘。
Nobody comes in.
没有人进来。
At noon, I work out a little tension by running amok in one of my modules.
中午，我通过在我的一个模块中狂奔来缓解一点紧张。
I choose Bowling with the Pros.
我选择与职业选手一起打保龄球。
A holographic smoothie in a blazer greets me and affably asks if I'm as tired as he is of perennially overhooking the ball, when what I really need is to consistently throw strikes.
一位身穿西装外套的全息冰沙向我打招呼，并亲切地问我是否像他一样厌倦了常年的过勾球，而我真正需要的是持续投出好球。
I tell him, "Piss off." In a more sophisticated module, he'd ask why the hostility, but my equipment is outdated.
我告诉他：“滚开。”在更复杂的模块中，他会问为什么有敌意，但我的设备已经过时了。
And instead, he looks confused and tries to shake my hand.
相反，他看起来很困惑并试图与我握手。
What crappy verisimilitude.
多么蹩脚的逼真。
No wonder I'm in the red.
难怪我是红色的。
No wonder my rent's overdue.
难怪我的房租逾期了。
He asks, isn't bowling a lovely recreation?
他问，打保龄球不是一项可爱的消遣吗？
I tell him I'm in mourning.
我告诉他我正在哀悼。
He says the hours spent in a bowling alley with friends certainly make for some fantastic memories years down the line.
他说，与朋友一起在保龄球馆度过的时光肯定会在多年后留下一些美好的回忆。
I tell him my life's in the crapper.
我告诉他我的生活一团糟。
He grins and says, "Let's bowl.
他笑着说：“我们打保龄球吧。
Let's go in and bowl.
我们进去打碗吧。
Let's go in and bowl a few frames with the pros." I take him by the throat.
我们进去和职业选手打几局吧。”我掐住了他的喉咙。
Of course he dysfunctions.
当然，他功能失调。
Of course I'm automatically unbooted.
当然我是自动关机的。
I doff my headset and dismount the treadmill.
我摘下耳机，卸下跑步机。
Once again, it's just me and my failing shop.
再一次，只有我和我那家倒闭的商店。
Once again, the air reeks of microwave popcorn.
空气中再次弥漫着微波炉爆米花的味道。
Once again, I am only who I am.
再说一次，我只是我自己。
Wonderful, I think, you fouled your own $400 module.
太棒了，我想，你把你自己的 400 美元模块搞砸了。
And I have.
我有。
So I trash it.
所以我把它扔掉了。
I write it off to grief management and go to lunch.
我把它记入悲伤管理，然后去吃午饭。
I opt for an auto-dispensed FreightFurter.
我选择自动分配的 FreightFurter。
Of course, I over-microwave, and the paper cowcatcher melds with the bun, and the little engineer's face runs down his overalls.
当然，我用微波炉加热过，纸捕牛器与面包融为一体，小工程师的脸顺着他的工作服流下来。
It's even more inedible than unusual.
它甚至比不寻常更难吃。
I chuck it.
我把它扔掉。
I can't afford another.
我买不起另一个。
I chuck it and go wait for my regulars.
我扔掉它，去等待我的常客。
At 2:00, Mr. Bomphil comes in looking guilty and as always, requests Violated Prom Queen, then puts on high heels and selects Treadmill Three.
2:00，邦菲尔先生进来，一脸愧疚，一如既往地要求“违规舞会女王”，然后穿上高跟鞋并选择“三号跑步机”。
Treadmill Three is behind a beam, so he's free to get as worked up as he likes, which is very.
三号跑步机位于横梁后面，因此他可以随心所欲地锻炼身体，这非常好。
I try not to hear him moan.
我尽量不听他呻吟。
I try not to hear him call each football team member by name.
我尽量不让他叫出每个足球队成员的名字。
He's followed by Theo Kiley, an appliance salesman who lays down a ream of Frigidaire specs and asks for Legendary American Killers Stalk You.
紧随其后的是电器推销员西奥·基利 (Theo Kiley)，他放下了一大堆 Frigidaire 的规格，并要求《美国传奇杀手跟踪你》(Legendary American Killers Stalk You)。
I strap on his headset.
我戴上他的耳机。
I insert his module.
我插入他的模块。
For 20 minutes, he hems and haws with Clyde Barrow.
他和克莱德·巴罗一起支支吾吾了 20 分钟。
Finally, he slips up and succumbs to a burst of machine gun fire, then treats himself to a Sprite.
最后，他摔倒了，在机关枪的扫射下丧生，然后用精灵招待了自己。
"Phew," he says.
“唷，”他说。
"Next time, I'll know to avoid the topic of his mom." I remind him he's got an outstanding bill.
“下次我会知道避开他妈妈的话题。”我提醒他他还有一笔未付账单。
He says thanks.
他说谢谢。
He says his bill and his ability to match wits with great criminals are the only outstanding things he's got.
他说他的账单和他与大罪犯斗智斗勇的能力是他唯一出色的东西。
We laugh.
我们笑了。
We laugh some more.
我们又笑了一些。
He shakes his head and leaves.
他摇摇头离开了。
I curse him under my breath and close up early and return to my lonely home.
我低声咒骂他，然后早早关门回到了我孤独的家。
The next day, Mrs. Gaither from corporate comes to town.
第二天，公司的盖瑟夫人来到城里。
Midway through my Significant Accomplishments Assessment, armless Mr. Feltriggi comes to the door and, as usual, rings the bell with his face.
在我的重大成就评估进行到一半时，没有手臂的费尔特里吉先生来到门口，像往常一样，用他的脸按响了门铃。
I let him in and he unloads his tote bag of cookbooks for sale.
我让他进来，他卸下了他的手提袋，里面装着待售的烹饪书。
Today it's Crazy Cajun Carnival and Going Bananas with Bananas: a Caribbean Primer.
今天是疯狂的卡津嘉年华和香蕉与香蕉：加勒比入门。
But I know what he really wants.
但我知道他真正想要什么。
With my eyes, I tell him, "Wait."
我用眼睛告诉他：“等等。”
Finally, Gaither finishes raking my subpar disbursement ledger over the coals and goes across the mall to O My God for some vintage religious statuary.
最后，盖瑟把我的低于标准的支出账本彻底清理干净，然后穿过购物中心去天哪，买了一些老式的宗教雕像。
I slip the headset on Feltriggi and run Youth Roams Kansas Hometown, 1932.
我戴上 Feltriggi 耳机，开始播放《Youth Roams Kansas Hometown, 1932》。
It's all homemade bread and dirt roads and affable dogcatchers.
都是自制的面包、土路和和蔼可亲的捕狗人。
What a sweet grin appears.
露出多么甜蜜的笑容啊。
He greets each home towner with his ghost limbs and beams at the chirping of the holographic birds.
他用幽灵般的肢体和全息鸟儿的鸣叫声向每一位家乡的人打招呼。
He kneels awhile in Mrs. Lawler's larder, sniffing spices that remind him of his mother, elbow-deep in flour.
他在劳勒夫人的食品储藏室里跪了一会儿，闻着香料，这让他想起了他母亲，面粉深至肘部。
He drifts out to the shaded yard and discusses fascism with the iceman near some swaying wheat.
他走到阴凉的院子里，在摇曳的小麦旁与制冰人讨论法西斯主义。
His posture changes for the better.
他的姿势变得更好了。
He laughs aloud.
他大声笑起来。
He's young again, and the thresher has yet to claim his arms.
他又年轻了，而脱粒者还没有夺走他的手臂。
Gaither comes back with a St. Sebastian cookie jar.
盖瑟带着一个圣塞巴斯蒂安饼干罐回来。
I nudge Feltriggi and tell him that's all for today.
我轻轻碰了碰费尔特里吉，告诉他今天就这些了。
I take off his headset, and he offers me a cookbook in payment.
我摘下他的耳机，他给了我一本食谱作为报酬。
I tell him, forget it.
我告诉他，算了。
I tell him that's what friends are for.
我告诉他这就是朋友的意义。
It's $70 a session, and he knows it.
每次疗程 70 美元，他知道这一点。
He rams his head into my chest as a sign of affection.
他把头埋进我的胸口，以示爱意。
"That type of a present surely has to deflate revenues," Gaither says primly as Feltriggi goes out.
“这种礼物肯定会减少收入，”费尔特里吉出去时盖瑟一本正经地说。
"No lie," I say.
“没有撒谎，”我说。
"That's why I nearly beat him up every time he comes in here."
“这就是为什么每次他来这里我都差点殴打他。”
"I'm not sure that's appropriate," she says.
“我不确定这是否合适，”她说。
"Me neither," I say.
“我也一样，”我说。
"That's why I usually don't really do it."
“这就是为什么我通常不会真正这样做。”
"I see," she says.
“我明白了，”她说。
"Let's talk briefly about personal tragedy.
“让我们简单谈谈个人悲剧。
No one's immune.
没有人能免疫。
But at what point must mourning cease?
但哀悼到什么时候必须停止呢？
In your case, apparently never."
就你而言，显然永远不会。”
I think, "You never saw Elizabeth lanky and tan and laughing in Napa." "I like your cookie jar," I say.
我想，“你从来没有见过伊丽莎白在纳帕时瘦长、晒黑、大笑。” “我喜欢你的饼干罐，”我说。
"Very well," she says.
“很好，”她说。
"Seal your own doom."
“封印你自己的厄运。”
She says she's shocked at the dryness of my treadmill bearings and asks if I've ever heard of oil.
她说她对我跑步机轴承的干燥感到震惊，并问我是否听说过油。
She sighs and gives me her number at the Quality Inn in case I think of anything that might argue against franchise agreement cancellation.
她叹了口气，给了我她在品质酒店的电话号码，以防我想到任何可能反对取消特许经营协议的事情。
Then out she goes, sadly shaking her head.
然后她走了出去，悲伤地摇着头。
It's only my livelihood.
这只是我的生计。
It's only every cent Elizabeth left me.
这是伊丽莎白留给我的每一分钱。
I load up my mobile pack.
我加载我的手机包。
I select my happiest modules.
我选择我最快乐的模块。
Then I go off to my real job, my penance, my albatross.
然后我就开始我真正的工作，我的苦修，我的信天翁。
Rocket Town's our ghetto.
火箭城是我们的贫民窟。
It's called Rocket Town because long ago, they put up a building there in which to build rockets.
它之所以被称为火箭城，是因为很久以前，他们在那里建造了一座建筑来建造火箭。
But none were built.
但没有建成。
And the building's now nothing, which is what it's always been, except for a fenced-off, dank corner that was once used to store dilapidated fire plugs and is now a filthy daycare for the children of parents who could care less.
这座建筑现在什么也没有了，它一直都是这样，除了一个用栅栏围起来的潮湿的角落，它曾经被用来存放破旧的消防栓，现在成了那些不在乎的父母的孩子们的肮脏的日托中心。
All around Rocket Town, little houses went up when it was thought the building would soon be full of people making rockets and hauling down impressive wages.
火箭城周围，小房子拔地而起，人们认为这座建筑很快就会挤满制造火箭并赚取可观工资的人。
They're bad little houses, put up quick.
它们是很糟糕的小房子，很快就建起来了。
And now all the people who were young and had hoped to build rockets are old and doddering and walk by the empty building mumbling, "Why, why, why?"
现在，所有年轻时希望制造火箭的人都已老态龙钟，走过空荡荡的大楼，嘴里嘟哝着“为什么、为什么、为什么？”
In the early days of my grief, Father Luther told me to lose myself in service by contacting ElderAid, Incorporated.
在我悲伤的初期，路德神父告诉我要通过联系老年援助公司来投入服务。
I got Mrs. Ken Schwartz.
我找到了肯·施瓦茨夫人。
Mrs. Ken Schwartz lives in Rocket Town.
肯·施瓦茨夫人住在火箭镇。
She lives in Rocket Town remembering Mr. Ken Schwartz and cursing him for staying so late at Menlo's Ten Pin on nights when she forgets he's been dead 18 years.
她住在火箭镇，记得肯·施瓦茨先生，并咒骂他在门洛十品酒吧待得太晚，而她却忘记了他已经去世 18 年了。
Mrs. Ken Schwartz likes me and my happy modules.
肯·施瓦茨夫人喜欢我和我的快乐模块。
Especially she likes Viennese Waltz.
她尤其喜欢维也纳华尔兹。
Boy, does she.
男孩，是吗？
She's bedridden and lonely and sometimes, in her excitement, bruises her arms on her headboard when the orchestra starts to play.
她卧床不起，孤独无依，有时，当管弦乐队开始演奏时，她会兴奋地把手臂放在床头板上擦伤。
Tonight, she says she's feeling weak.
今晚，她说她感觉很虚弱。
She says she used to be a different person and wishes she could go back to the days when she was loved.
她说她曾经是一个不同的人，希望她能回到被爱的日子。
She mourns Fat Patrice and their jovial games of Old Maid.
她哀悼胖子帕特里斯和他们快乐的老处女游戏。
She mourns the front yard oak the city felled without asking her.
她在没有询问她的情况下为这座城市砍伐的前院橡树哀悼。
Mostly, she mourns Mr. Ken Schwartz.
她主要哀悼肯·施瓦茨先生。
I pull out all the stops.
我使出浑身解数。
I set color on high contrast.
我将颜色设置为高对比度。
I tape sensors to her lips and earlobes.
我将传感器贴在她的嘴唇和耳垂上。
And I activate the royalty subroutine.
我激活版税子程序。
Soon, the prince is lavishing her with praise.
很快，王子就对她大加赞赏。
Soon, they're sneaking off from the ball for some tender words and a kiss or two on a stone bench beside the Danube.
很快，他们就偷偷离开舞会，在多瑙河边的石凳上说了一些温柔的话，亲吻了一两个。
Soon, I'm daubing her eyes with tissue while she weeps at the beauty of the fishermen bowing from her little boats as they realize it's the prince himself trying to retrieve her corsage from the river.
很快，我就用纸巾擦拭她的眼睛，而她则为渔民们在她的小船上鞠躬的美丽而哭泣，因为他们意识到这是王子本人试图从河里取回她的胸花。
I make tea.
我泡茶。
I read my magazine.
我读了我的杂志。
Finally, I stroke her forehead while humming Strauss and slowly fading the volume.
最后，我一边抚摸着她的额头，一边哼着施特劳斯的曲子，音量慢慢减弱。
"You," she says, smiling sweetly when she's all the way back.
“你，”一路回来后，她甜甜地笑着说道。
"You're too good to me."
“你对我太好了。”
"No one could be too good to you," I say.
“没有人对你太好了，”我说。
"Oh, you," she says.
“哦，你，”她说。
"You're a saint."
“你是一位圣人。”
"No," I think, "I'm a man without a life, due to you." Then I feel ashamed and purposely bash my shin against a bed frame while tucking her in.
“不，”我想，“因为你，我变成了一个没有生命的人。”然后我感到羞愧，在给她盖被子时故意用小腿撞床架。
I get her some juice.
我给她拿点果汁。
I check her back door lock.
我检查了她的后门锁。
All around the room are dirty plates I've failed to get to the sink and old photos of Mr. Ken Schwartz assessing the condition of massive steam boilers while laughing confidently.
房间里到处都是我没能拿到水槽的脏盘子，还有肯·施瓦茨先生一边自信地笑着一边评估大型蒸汽锅炉状况的旧照片。
Out on the street, it's cold.
街上，天气很冷。
And a wino's standing in a dumpster, calling a stray cat Uncle Chuck.
一个酒鬼站在垃圾箱里，称呼一只流浪猫为查克叔叔。
I hustle directly to my Omni, fearing for my gear.
我直接冲向我的 Omni，担心我的装备会受到影响。
I drive through frightening quarters of the city, nervously toggling my defrost lever, thinking of Mrs. Schwartz.
我开车穿过城市里令人恐惧的地方，一边紧张地拨动除霜杆，一边想着施瓦茨太太。
The last few months, she's gone downhill.
近几个月来，她的状态一直在走下坡路。
She's unable to feed herself or autonomously use the bathroom.
她无法自己进食或自主使用卫生间。
Talk about losing yourself in service to a greater extent than planned.
谈论比计划更大程度地在服务中迷失自己。
She needs a live-in, but they don't come cheap, and my shop hasn't turned a profit in months.
她需要住处，但价格并不便宜，而且我的店已经好几个月没有盈利了。
What to do?
该怎么办？
I think and think.
我想啊想啊。
I think so much I lose track of where I am and blunder by the spot.
我想得太多了，以至于我忘记了自己在哪里，并且当场犯了错误。
"You fool," I think.
“你这个傻瓜，”我想。
"You ass.
“你个混蛋。
How much additional pain would you like?" Here, a drunk named Tom Clifton brought his Coupe Deville onto the sidewalk as Elizabeth shopped for fruit on the evening of a day when we'd fought like hell, on the evening of a day when I'd called her an awful name.
你还想承受多少额外的痛苦？”在这里，一个名叫汤姆·克利夫顿的醉汉把他的 Coupe Deville 带到了人行道上，伊丽莎白正在买水果，那天晚上我们吵得不可开交，那天晚上我用可怕的名字骂了她。
What name?
什么名字？
I can't say the word.
我无法说出这个词。
I even think it, and my gut burns.
我什至想到这一点，我的肠子就会燃烧。
I'm a saint.
我是一个圣人。
The fight started when I accused her of flirting with our neighbor Len Kobb by bending low on purpose.
当我指责她故意弯下腰与邻居莱恩·科布调情时，这场争吵就开始了。
I was angry and implied that she couldn't keep her boobs in her top to save her life.
我很生气并暗示她不能将胸部保持在上衣以挽救她的生命。
If I could see her one last time, I'd say, "Thanks very much for dying at the worst possible moment and leaving me holding the bag of guilt." I'd say, "If you had to die, couldn't you have done it when we were getting along?" I madly flee the spot.
如果我能见她最后一面，我会说：“非常感谢你在最糟糕的时刻死去，让我背负着愧疚。”我会说：“如果你必须死，你就不能在我们相处的时候就这么做吗？”我疯狂地逃离现场。
There are boat lights in the harbor and a man in a tux inexplicably jogging through the park.
港口里有船灯，一个穿着燕尾服的男人莫名其妙地在公园里慢跑。
There's a moon bobbing up between condemned buildings.
一轮月亮在废弃的建筑物之间升起。
There's the fact that tomorrow, I'm Lay Authority Guest at the Lyndon Baines Johnson School for Precocious Youth.
事实上，明天我是林登·贝恩斯·约翰逊早熟青少年学校的非专业权威嘉宾。
I'm slated to allow interested kids to experience the module entitled "Hop-Hop the Bunny Masters Fractions."
我计划让感兴趣的孩子体验名为“Hop-Hop the Bunny Masters Fractions”的模块。
Frankly, I fear I'll be sneered at.
说实话，我担心我会被嘲笑。
How interested could a mob of gifted kids be in a rabbit and a lisping caterpillar grouping acorns ad nauseam?
一群有天赋的孩子会对一只兔子和一只口齿不清的毛毛虫把橡子分组得令人作呕的感兴趣吗？
But I promised the principal, Mrs. Briff.
但我答应了校长布里夫夫人。
And I'm not in a position to decline any revenue source.
我无法拒绝任何收入来源。
So at an hour of the night when other men my age are rising from their beds to comfort screaming newborns, I return to the mall for my Hop-Hop module.
因此，当夜里的一个小时，当其他与我同龄的男人从床上起来安慰尖叫的新生儿时，我回到商场寻找我的跳跳模块。
More of George Saunders's story, "Offloading for Mrs. Schwartz," in a minute, when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续时，我们稍后将详细介绍乔治·桑德斯的故事“为施瓦茨夫人卸货”。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, we choose a theme and invite a variety of writers, performers, and documentary producers to tackle that theme.
在我们的节目中，我们每周都会选择一个主题，并邀请各种作家、表演者和纪录片制片人来解决该主题。
Today's theme, Get Over It.
今天的主题，克服它。
We continue now with George Saunders's story of a man who has not gotten over the death of his wife.
现在我们继续讲述乔治·桑德斯的故事，讲述了一个尚未从妻子去世的阴影中走出来的男人的故事。
It's late at night.
已经是深夜了。
He's stopping back at work to pick up modules of Hip-Hop the Bunny Masters Fractions to take to the school for School for Precocious Youth the next morning.
他要在工作中停下来，拿起《Hip-Hop the Bunny Masters Fractions》的模块，以便第二天早上带到早熟青少年学校。
I use my pass key.
我使用我的密码。
Something's strange.
有什么奇怪的。
Modules are strewn everywhere.
模块散落各处。
The cash box sits on the fax machine.
钱箱位于传真机上。
One of my treadmills lies on its side.
我的一台跑步机侧放着。
"How is all this fancy equipment used?" someone asks from behind me, pressing a sharp knife to my throat.
“这些奇特的设备是如何使用的？”有人在我身后问道，把一把锋利的刀抵在我的喉咙上。
"More specifically, which of it is worth the most?
“更具体地说，哪一个最有价值？
And remember, sir, you're answering for your life." He sounds old but feels strong.
请记住，先生，你要为你的生命负责。”他听起来很老，但感觉很坚强。
I tell him it's hard to explain.
我告诉他这很难解释。
I offer to demonstrate.
我主动提出示范。
He says, "Do so, but slowly." I fit him with a headset.
他说：“这样做，但要慢慢来。”我给他戴上了耳机。
I gently guide him to a treadmill then run Sexy Nurses Scrub You Down.
我轻轻地引导他到跑步机上，然后运行“性感护士为你擦洗”。
Immediately, his lips get moist.
顿时，他的嘴唇就湿润了。
He loosens his grip on the knife, and I'm able to coldcock him with the FedEx tape gun.
他松开了刀子，我可以用联邦快递的胶带枪冷击他。
He drops drooling to my nice carpet.
他流口水到我漂亮的地毯上。
A man his age should be a doting grandfather, not a crook threatening me with death.
他这个年纪的人应该是一个溺爱我的祖父，而不是一个以死相威胁的骗子。
I feel violated.
我感觉受到了侵犯。
How does someone come to this?
怎么有人会走到这一步呢？
I strap him down and set my console for Scan.
我把他绑住，并将控制台设置为“扫描”。
It seems his lousy name is Hank.
看来他的名字很糟糕，叫汉克。
I hear his portly father calling it out across a cranberry bog.
我听到他肥胖的父亲隔着蔓越莓沼泽喊道。
I know the smell of his first baseball cap.
我知道他第一顶棒球帽的味道。
Through his eyes, I see the secret place under the porch where he hid whenever his fat, kissing aunt came.
通过他的眼睛，我看到了门廊下的那个秘密地方，每当他那个亲吻的胖姨妈来的时候，他就躲在那里。
Later, I develop a lot for swing.
后来，我对摇摆有了很多发展。
Seems he was a marine at Iwo who on his way to boot camp saw the aging Ty Cobb at a depot.
他似乎是硫磺岛的一名海军陆战队员，在前往新兵训练营的途中在一个仓库看到了年迈的泰·科布。
I sense his panic on the troop transport and quickly doff my headset as he hits the beach and the bullets start to fly.
我感觉到他在运兵车上的恐慌，当他撞上海滩、子弹开始飞舞时，我迅速摘下耳机。
To my horror, I see that his eyelids are fluttering and his face is contorting.
令我惊恐的是，我看到他的眼皮在颤动，他的脸在扭曲。
"My god," I think.
“我的上帝，”我想。
"This is no scan.
“这不是扫描。
This is a damn offload." I check the console and sure enough, via one incorrect switch setting, I've just irrevocably transferred a good third of his memories to my hard drive.
这真是该死的卸载。”我检查了控制台，果然，通过一个不正确的开关设置，我已经不可撤销地将他的三分之一的记忆转移到了我的硬盘上。
He comes to and hops off the table looking years younger, suddenly happy-go-lucky, asks where he is, and trots blithely out the door, free now of boot camp, free of Iwo, free of all memory of youthful slaughter, free, in fact, of any memory at all of the first 20 years of his life.
他醒过来，跳下桌子，看起来年轻了好几岁，突然无忧无虑地问自己在哪里，然后快快乐乐地小跑出了门，现在摆脱了新兵训练营，摆脱了硫磺，摆脱了所有年轻时屠杀的记忆，事实上，摆脱了他生命前 20 年的任何记忆。
I'm heartsick.
我心痛极了。
What have I done?
我做了什么？
On the other hand, it stopped him from getting up and trying to kill me.
另一方面，这阻止了他站起来试图杀死我。
On the other hand, it appears he left here a happier man, perhaps less inclined to felony.
另一方面，他离开这里时似乎是一个更快乐的人，也许不太愿意犯重罪。
I grab my Hop-Hop module.
我拿起我的 Hop-Hop 模块。
On the cover is Hop-Hop, enthusiastically giving the thumbs up to an idealized blond boy lifting an enormous four into a numerator.
封面上是《Hop-Hop》，他热情地对一个理想化的金发男孩竖起了大拇指，他把一个巨大的四变成了分子。
As if being robbed weren't enough, first thing tomorrow morning, a room full of genius kids is going to eat me alive.
好像被抢劫还不够，明天早上第一件事，一屋子的天才孩子会把我活活吃掉。
Then crossing a deserted food court, I get a brainstorm.
然后穿过一个废弃的美食广场，我开始了一场头脑风暴。
I hustle back to the shop and edit out Hank's trysts with starving women in Depression-era hobo camps and his one homo fling with his cousin, Julian.
我赶紧回到店里，删掉了汉克在大萧条时期流浪汉营地中与饥饿妇女的幽会，以及他与表弟朱利安的一次同性恋风流韵事。
I edit the profanity out of Iwo.
我编辑了硫磺岛的脏话。
I edit out the midnight wanks, the petty thefts, the unkind words, all but the most inoffensive of the bodies of his buddies on the pale sand beach.
我删掉了半夜的手淫、小偷小摸、不友善的话语，除了他的伙伴在苍白的沙滩上最无伤大雅的身体。
The next morning, I herd kid after kid behind my white curtain and let them experience Hank's life.
第二天早上，我把一个又一个的孩子赶到白色的窗帘后面，让他们体验汉克的生活。
They love it.
他们喜欢它。
The leave jabbering knowledgeably about the Pacific theater and the ultimate wisdom of using the bomb.
离开时，他对太平洋战区和使用炸弹的终极智慧进行了知识渊博的喋喋不休。
They leave praising Phil Rizzuto's Fielding and cursing the brownshirts.
他们离开时赞扬了菲尔·里祖托的菲尔丁，并咒骂了褐衫军。
They pat old Mr. Panchuko, the geriatric janitor, on the back and ask him what caliber machine going he operated at the Bulge.
他们拍拍老年看门人潘丘科老先生的背，问他在突出部操作的是什么口径的机器。
He stands scratching his gut, stunned, trying to remember.
他站在那里，摸着肠子，震惊不已，试图回忆起来。
The little Klotchkow twins jitterbug.
小克洛奇科双胞胎吉特巴舞。
Andy Pitlin, all of three feet tall, hankers aloud for a Camel.
安迪·皮特林身高三英尺，大声地渴望一头骆驼。
Mrs. Briff is more than impressed.
布里夫夫人对此印象深刻。
She asks what else I have.
她问我还有什么。
I ask what else does she want.
我问她还想要什么。
She says for starters, how about the remainder of the century.
她首先说，本世纪剩下的时间怎么样？
I tell her I'll see what I can do.
我告诉她我会看看我能做些什么。
The kids come out of it with a firsthand War Years experience, and I come out of it with a check for $500, enough to hire a temporary live-in for Mrs. Ken Schwartz, which I gladly do.
孩子们走出去时，获得了战争年代的第一手经验，而我走出去时，得到了一张 500 美元的支票，足够为肯·施瓦茨夫人雇一个临时住所，我很乐意这样做。
A lovely Eurasian named Wei, a student of astrophysics who, as I'm leaving them alone for the first time, is brushing out Mrs. Ken Schwartz's hair and humming "Let Me Call You Sweetheart." "Will you stay forever?" I ask her.
一位名叫魏的可爱的欧亚混血学生，是一名天体物理学学生，当我第一次离开他们时，他正在梳理肯·施瓦茨夫人的头发，并哼着“让我叫你甜心”。 “你会永远留下来吗？”我问她。
"With all due respect," she replies, "I will stay as long as you can pay me."
“恕我直言，”她回答道，“只要你能付钱给我，我就会留下来。”
Two weeks later, Briff's on my tail for more modules, and Wei's on my tail for her pay.
两周后，Briff 跟踪我获取更多模块，Wei 跟踪我获取她的报酬。
I tell Mrs. Ken Schwartz all during one of her 15-minute windows of lucidity.
我在肯·施瓦茨夫人 15 分钟的清醒时段告诉了她这一切。
When lucid, she's shrewd and bright.
当她清醒时，她是精明而聪明的。
She understands her predicament.
她了解自己的困境。
She understands the limitations of my gear.
她了解我的装备的局限性。
She understands that I can't borrow her memories, only take them away forever.
她明白我无法借用她的记忆，只能将它们永远带走。
She says she can live without the '60s.
她说没有 60 年代她也能活下去。
I haul my stuff over to her place and take what I need.
我把我的东西拖到她那里，拿走我需要的东西。
I edit out her mastectomy, Ken Schwartz's midlife crisis and resulting trip to Florida, and her constant drinking in his absence.
我删除了她的乳房切除术、肯·施瓦茨的中年危机以及由此引发的佛罗里达之旅，以及她在他不在的情况下不断酗酒。
I stick to her walking past a protest and counseling a skinny girl on acid to stay in school.
我坚持让她走过抗议活动，并劝告一个瘦弱的女孩服用迷幻药以留在学校。
It's not great, but I've got a deadline.
虽然不太好，但我有最后期限。
I call it America in Tumult, The Older Generation Looks On in Dismay.
我称之为骚乱中的美国，老一代人沮丧地看着。
I have it couriered over to Briff, dreading her response.
我把它寄给了布里夫，害怕她的回应。
But to my amazement, she sends a cash bonus.
但令我惊讶的是，她送来了现金奖金。
she reports astounding increases in grandparental bonding.
她报告说，祖父母之间的感情有了惊人的增加。
She reports kids identifying a Mercury Cougar with no prompting and disgustedly calling each other Nixon whenever a trust is betrayed.
她报告说，孩子们在没有提示的情况下就认出了水星美洲狮，每当信任被背叛时，他们就会厌恶地互相称呼对方为“尼克松”。
Thereafter, I retained Wei on a weekly basis by whittling away at Mrs. Schwartz's memories.
此后，我每周都会通过削弱施瓦茨夫人的记忆来留住魏。
I submit Pearl Harbor, Week Prior to Infamy.
我在《臭名昭著》发生前一周提交了珍珠港事件。
I submit The Day the Music Died, Buddy Holly Remembered, which unfortunately is merely Mrs. Schwartz hearing the news on a pink radio then disinterestedly going back to cleaning her oven.
我提交了《音乐消逝的那一天，巴迪·霍利记得》，不幸的是，这只是施瓦茨夫人在粉红色收音机上听到这个消息，然后无私地回去清理她的烤箱。
Finally, Briff calls, hacked off.
最后，布里夫打来电话，但被挂断了。
She say she wants some real meat.
她说她想要一些真正的肉。
She asks, how about the entire '20s, a personal favorite of hers.
她问，整个 20 年代怎么样，她个人最喜欢的。
She's talking flappers.
她说的是时髦的话。
She's talking possible insights on Prohibition.
她正在谈论对禁酒令的可能见解。
I stonewall.
我石墙。
I tell her, give me a few days to exhaustively check my massive archive.
我告诉她，给我几天时间彻底检查我的大量档案。
I call Mrs. Ken Schwartz.
我打电话给肯·施瓦茨夫人。
She says during the '20s, she was a lowly phone operator in Pekin, Illinois.
她说，20 世纪 20 年代，她是伊利诺伊州北京的一名卑微的电话接线员。
She sounds disoriented and wearily asks where her breasts are.
她听起来迷失了方向，疲倦地询问她的乳房在哪里。
Clearly, this has gone far enough.
显然，这已经走得足够远了。
I call Briff and tell her no more modules.
我打电话给布里夫并告诉她不再有模块。
She ups her offer to $3,000 a decade.
她将自己的报价提高到每十年 3,000 美元。
She's running for school board and says my modules are the primary arrow in her quiver.
她正在竞选学校董事会成员，并说我的模块是她箭袋中的主要箭头。
But what am I supposed to do, turn Mrs. Schwartz into a well-cared-for blank slate?
但我该怎么办，把施瓦茨夫人变成一块精心照料的白板呢？
Start kidnapping and offloading strangers?
开始绑架并卸下陌生人？
I say a little prayer.
我做了一点祈祷。
"God, I've botched this life but good.
“上帝啊，我这一生搞砸了，但是还不错。
I've failed you in all major ways.
我在各方面都让你失望了。
You gave me true love, and I blew it.
你给了我真爱，我却搞砸了。
I'm nothing.
我什么都不是
But what have you got against Mrs. Ken Schwartz?
但你对肯·施瓦茨夫人有什么看法呢？
Forgive me.
请原谅我。
Help me figure this out." And then in a flash, I figure it out.
帮我解决这个问题。”然后一瞬间，我就明白了。
I lock the shop.
我锁店。
On the spine of a blank module I write 1951 to 1992, Baby Boomers Come Into Their Own.
在空白模块的书脊上，我写下了 1951 年至 1992 年，婴儿潮一代的崛起。
At $3,000 a decade, that's 12 grand.
按每十年 3,000 美元计算，这是 12 盛大。
I address an envelope to Briff and enclose an invoice.
我给布里夫寄了一个信封，并附上一张发票。
I write out some instructions and rig myself up.
我写下一些说明并装备自己。
"Memories, schmemories," I think.
“回忆，回忆，”我想。
"I'll get some new ones.
“我会买一些新的。
These old ones give me no peace." Then I let it rip.
这些老家伙让我不得安宁。”然后我让它撕裂。
It all goes whizzing by.
一切都转瞬即逝。
Anthony Newburg smacking me, Mom on the dock, an Agnew Halloween mask at a frat house.
安东尼·纽堡打我，妈妈在码头上，在兄弟会家里戴着阿格纽万圣节面具。
Bev Malloy struggling with my belt.
贝夫·马洛伊用力拉着我的腰带。
The many seasons, the many flags, dogs, paths, the many stars and the skies of many hues.
许多季节，许多旗帜，狗，路径，许多星星和许多颜色的天空。
My sweet Elizabeth.
我亲爱的伊丽莎白。
Holding hands, we gape at an elk in Estes Park.
我们手牵手，目瞪口呆地看着埃斯蒂斯公园的一头麋鹿。
On our knees, in a bed of tulips, I kiss her cheek.
我跪在郁金香花坛上，亲吻她的脸颊。
The cold, clear water of Nacogdoches.
纳科多奇斯冰冷清澈的海水。
The birthday banner she made of scarves in our little place on Ellington.
她在我们位于艾灵顿的小地方用围巾制作的生日横幅。
The awful look on her faces as I called her what I called her.
当我这样称呼她时，她脸上的表情很可怕。
Her hair trailing fine and light behind her as she stormed out to buy fruit.
当她冲出去买水果时，她的头发轻柔地拖在身后。
The grave, the grave, my sad attempt to become a franchisee.
坟墓，坟墓，我悲伤地尝试成为特许经营商。
Then I'm a paunchy guy in a room with a note pinned to his sleeve.
然后我就成了房间里一个大腹便便的家伙，袖子上别着一张纸条。
"You were alone in the world," it says, "and did a kindness for someone in need.
“你在这个世界上孤身一人，”它说，“却为有需要的人做了一件好事。
Good for you.
对你有好处。
Now post this module and follow this map to the home of Mrs. Ken Schwartz.
现在发布此模块并按照此地图前往 Ken Schwartz 夫人的家。
Care for her with some big money that will come in the mail.
用邮寄过来的大笔钱来照顾她。
Find someone to love.
找一个值得爱的人。
Your heart has never been broken.
你的心从未破碎过。
You've never done anything unforgivable or hurt anyone beyond reparation.
你从来没有做过任何不可原谅的事情，也没有对任何人造成无法挽回的伤害。
Everyone you've ever loved, you've treated like gold."
每一个你曾经爱过的人，你都像金子一样对待。”
George Saunders's story is from his book, CivilWarLand in Bad Decline.
乔治·桑德斯的故事取自他的著作《衰落中的内战土地》。
He teaches at Syracuse University.
他在雪城大学任教。
Act Three, Finding Amnesia.
第三幕，寻找失忆症。
Who among us, wanting to get over it, has not wanted amnesia?
我们当中谁不想忘记失忆症？
But one thing about amnesia, one frustrating thing, is that it seems to happen a lot more in television and movies and novels than it ever does in real life.
但关于失忆症的一件事，一件令人沮丧的事情是，它在电视、电影和小说中发生的次数似乎比现实生活中发生的次数要多。
I have here an article from Romantic Times Magazine, April of 1996.
我这里有一篇来自浪漫时代杂志 1996 年 4 月的文章。
They list here 40 different romance novels that are on the shelves now where amnesia is the plotline.
他们在这里列出了 40 种不同的浪漫小说，这些小说现已上架，其中以失忆症为情节。
But does it really happen?
但这真的发生了吗？
Have you ever met anybody who it happens to?
你有遇到过这样的人吗？
Well, we asked reporter Scott Carrier in Salt Lake City to find out if it does really happen.
好吧，我们采访了盐湖城的记者斯科特·卡里尔，看看这是否真的发生过。
The idea was to find someone who had amnesia and ask them what it was like in real life.
我们的想法是找到一个患有失忆症的人，并询问他们现实生活中的情况是什么样的。
I was warned that it might be difficult to locate such a person, that the affliction may in reality be quite rare, but that there was at least one known amnesiac living in Tennessee and another in Pennsylvania.
有人警告我，可能很难找到这样的人，这种痛苦实际上可能相当罕见，但至少有一名已知的失忆症患者住在田纳西州，另一名住在宾夕法尼亚州。
The particular cities and addresses could be found if necessary.
如有必要，可以找到特定的城市和地址。
"Nonsense," I said.
“胡说，”我说。
"I'm surrounded by amnesiacs.
“我周围都是失忆症患者。
This city breeds forgetfulness.
这座城市滋生了健忘。
There must be five or six amnesiacs in the neighborhood around my office alone." I accepted the offer, thinking it would be an easy assignment.
仅在我办公室附近，肯定有五六个失忆者。”我接受了这份工作，认为这将是一项容易的任务。
I began by asking everybody I saw if they had or had ever had amnesia.
我首先询问我见到的每个人是否患有或曾经患有健忘症。
I did this for three days.
我这样做了三天。
And I tried not to be selective, but to ask everybody with whom I came into contact, whether my wife or the checker at the grocery store.
我尽量不去选择性，而是询问所有与我接触过的人，无论是我的妻子还是杂货店的收银员。
"Do you have or have you ever had amnesia?" And furthermore, I'd ask this each and every time I saw the person, sometimes two or three times a day.
“你现在有健忘症吗？”而且，每次见到这个人我都会问这个问题，有时一天两三次。
No one admitted to currently having amnesia, but at least one in four remembered being knocked hard on the head and losing memory from a concussion.
没有人承认目前患有失忆症，但至少有四分之一的人记得被重击头部并因脑震荡而失去记忆。
This kind of amnesia lasts only a few minutes or a few hours, and concussion stories, I found out, are usually not worth listening to or worth telling.
这种失忆症只持续几分钟或几个小时，我发现，脑震荡的故事通常不值得听或不值得讲述。
They usually go something like this.
他们通常会做这样的事情。
"I was in a football game, and two guys fell on my head.
“我正在观看一场足球比赛，两个人摔倒在我的头上。
I kept playing.
我继续玩。
I played the whole game and everything.
我玩了整场比赛以及一切。
But then after the game, I had to get a ride home, because I didn't remember where I lived."
但比赛结束后，我不得不搭车回家，因为我不记得自己住在哪里。”
I heard this story three times from the same person.
这个故事我从同一个人那里听过三遍。
And each time, he told it to me in the same way, with some difficulty, as if something had been taken from him, and he didn't know what it was.
每一次，他都以同样的方式告诉我，有些困难，好像有什么东西从他身上被夺走了，而他不知道那是什么。
Two people admitted to suffering from drug-induced amnesia.
两人承认患有药物引起的失忆症。
One had a drinking problem.
其中一人有酗酒问题。
The other was myself, as, due to the fact that when I was 19, I ate a big, psilocybin mushroom right off the ground in the mountains of Colombia, South America and spent four or five hours where I didn't know my name, where I was, or why.
另一个是我自己，因为当我 19 岁的时候，我在南美洲哥伦比亚的山区吃了一个大的裸盖菇素蘑菇，然后花了四五个小时，我不知道自己的名字、我在哪里，也不知道为什么。
I was hallucinating wildly, the sky exploding, the ground bubbling up under my feet.
我产生了疯狂的幻觉，天空爆炸，大地在我脚下冒泡。
The trees and bushes were throwing off little packets of flame and brightly colored orbs.
树木和灌木丛抛出小包火焰和色彩鲜艳的球体。
I wandered around and around in a cow pasture, holding my hands over my eyes, delirious.
我在牛牧场里转来转去，双手捂着眼睛，神志不清。
And then a man in a Jeep picked me up.
然后一个开吉普车的人来接我。
And I thought he might be my father.
我想他可能是我的父亲。
And I thought I knew what he was saying.
我以为我知道他在说什么。
But I didn't know what language he was speaking.
但我不知道他说的是什么语言。
And we went to his house and watched the soccer game on television while his wife, who I thought might be my mother, served us coffee from a metal tray.
我们去了他家，观看电视上的足球比赛，而他的妻子（我认为她可能是我的母亲）用金属托盘为我们提供咖啡。
And then I was back out on the road.
然后我就又上路了。
And I walked up to a park and sat down and drew a picture myself in a notebook.
我走到一个公园，坐下来，在笔记本上画了一幅画。
And below the picture, I wrote these words.
在图片的下面，我写下了这些话。
"I'm still here." If this gave me any insights into what amnesia is like, real amnesia, I don't remember what they are.
“我还在这里。”如果这让我对失忆症有任何了解，真正的失忆症，我不记得它们是什么。
In three days, the closest I came to finding someone with amnesia was through a young woman who's the daughter of a friend of mine.
三天之内，我最接近找到失忆症患者的是通过一位年轻女子，她是我朋友的女儿。
She's a physical therapist, and one of her patients had had her smashed in a car accident.
她是一名物理治疗师，她的一位病人在一场车祸中将她撞得粉碎。
Her amnesia is kind of the opposite of what we normally think about.
她的失忆症与我们通常的想法相反。
She can remember things in the distant past just fine.
她能清楚地记得遥远的过去的事情。
But she doesn't seem to be able to remember what just happened, or what she was just thinking, or just where it was she was going.
但她似乎不记得刚刚发生了什么，或者她刚刚在想什么，或者她要去哪里。
So she can't, for instance, drive a car or even ride a bus.
例如，她不能开车，甚至不能乘坐公共汽车。
I asked my friend's daughter if I might be able to talk with this woman.
我问我朋友的女儿我是否可以和这个女人谈谈。
And she said, "Well, I guess so.
她说：“嗯，我想是的。
But you might have a better conversation with her dog."
但你可能会和她的狗有更好的交谈。”
I came back to my office feeling a little down.
我回到办公室，心情有些低落。
Finding an amnesiac was proving to be more difficult than expected.
事实证明，寻找失忆症患者比预想的要困难。
I decided to seek professional help.
我决定寻求专业帮助。
I got up out of my chair and walked across the hallway and knocked on the door of Dr. Jeff Harris, psychologist.
我从椅子上站起来，穿过走廊，敲响了心理学家杰夫·哈里斯博士的门。
I think there was a guy that went through it when I was in Vietnam.
我想我在越南的时候有一个人经历过这种事。
He ended up in some serious action and ended up going from one APC to the next.
他最终采取了一些严肃的行动，并最终从一辆装甲车换到另一辆。
And each one got blown up as he was getting in or-- and I don't know exactly how he survived the whole thing.
当他进去时，每个人都被炸毁了——我不知道他是如何在整个事件中幸存下来的。
But we're talking about a platoon basically getting wiped out, he being one of the few survivors.
但我们谈论的是一个排基本上被消灭了，他是少数幸存者之一。
And he couldn't remember.
他不记得了。
He couldn't remember his past.
他记不起自己的过去了。
He couldn't remember where he was going.
他不记得自己要去哪里。
Yeah, that's the classical Freudian theory of repression.
是的，这就是经典的弗洛伊德压抑理论。
We don't remember things that make us feel guilty or feel pain.
我们不记得那些让我们感到内疚或痛苦的事情。
All right.
好的。
Well, let me ask you this.
好吧，让我问你这个。
Say I have the ability to make you have amnesia.
说我有能力让你失忆。
If I flip the switch, you won't remember your name.
如果我打开开关，你就不会记得你的名字。
You won't remember who you are.
你不会记得你是谁。
What do you think?
你怎么认为？
What do I think?
我觉得怎么样？
Scott Carrier Yeah, would you do it or not?
斯科特·卡里尔 是的，你会做还是不做？
Would you?
你愿意吗？
Scott Carrier I would want to do it because then I think that I would lose my ego.
斯科特·卡里尔（Scott Carrier） 我想这么做，因为那样我就会失去自我。
I would have a clean slate.
我会重新开始。
If all of a sudden, you sat here and you couldn't remember why you were holding this microphone or who I am or why you're talking to me, to say that was disorienting would be too mild.
如果你突然坐在这里，记不起你为什么拿着这个麦克风，记不起我是谁，记不起你为什么要跟我说话，说这是迷失方向就太温和了。
I think I would be smart enough to realize this is a gift.
我想我会足够聪明地意识到这是一份礼物。
There's two choices.
有两个选择。
Either you realize that it's a gift, or you completely freak out.
要么你意识到这是一份礼物，要么你完全吓坏了。
One or the other.
一个或另一个。
But you're talking as if you wake up in the morning.
但你说话的样子就好像你早上醒来一样。
You don't know where you are, who you are, where in the hell you're going, and you're happy with it?
你不知道你在哪里，你是谁，你到底要去哪里，你对此感到满意吗？
Give me a goddamn break.
给我一个该死的休息时间。
That still seems attractive to me.
这对我来说仍然很有吸引力。
It still seems like it might be a good thing.
看起来这仍然可能是一件好事。
To be put in a situation where I have to admit that I'm completely lost seems like--
被置于不得不承认我完全迷失的境地似乎——
[LAUGHTER] Scott Carrier After five days, having found no one who had or had had amnesia, I decided to visit a hypnotherapist, Diane Bradshaw, and ask her if she could give me amnesia.
[笑声]斯科特·卡里尔 五天后，发现没有人患有或曾经患有健忘症，我决定拜访催眠治疗师黛安·布拉德肖，并询问她是否可以让我失忆。
She said she probably could do it, as long as I was willing to be put under hypnosis.
她说她也许可以做到，只要我愿意被催眠。
She said some people just weren't willing.
她说有些人就是不愿意。
And if you're open to the possibility that, say, amnesia would be OK for five minutes or one minute, it might happen.
如果你愿意接受这样一种可能性，比如说，失忆五分钟或一分钟是可以的，那么这种情况就有可能发生。
Well, I'm open to even a day.
好吧，我什至愿意一天。
Would that be a bad idea?
这是一个坏主意吗？
What do you really want here?
你在这里真正想要什么？
Do you want to get that extreme?
你想变得那么极端吗？
Let's say a few hours anyway.
无论如何，就说几个小时吧。
What do you think?
你怎么认为？
Because he's going to have to hang out with me.
因为他要和我一起出去玩。
You know what I think?
你知道我怎么想吗？
Jeff Harris I think an hour.
杰夫·哈里斯，我想一个小时。
I think if you had a half hour of amnesia, you would get it pretty quick.
我想如果你有半个小时的失忆症，你很快就会恢复的。
I think a half hour would probably be plenty of time.
我想半个小时可能足够了。
And then I have to ask you, what do you want to forget?
然后我必须问你，你想忘记什么？
I can do anything from giving you a suggestion to forget your name, to forget where you live, to-- what do you want to forget?
我可以做任何事情，从建议你忘记你的名字，忘记你住在哪里，到——你想忘记什么？
Is it possible to forget everything, my whole self-identity?
有可能忘记一切，忘记我的整个自我认同吗？
Is that too much?
是不是太多了？
Well, I-- Scott Carrier She took notes on what I wanted to forget.
好吧，我——斯科特·卡里尔（Scott Carrier）她记下了我想忘记的事情。
Then she hypnotized me, which involved having me count backwards from 100 and telling me to relax deeper and deeper, and then having me imagine being in a big garden with a stream running through it.
然后她对我进行了催眠，让我从 100 开始倒数，并告诉我要越来越放松，然后让我想象自己身处一个大花园里，有一条小溪从中流过。
And she said if I drank from the stream, I'd forget my name and where I was, and also the name of my friend who'd come with me.
她说如果我喝了小溪里的水，我就会忘记我的名字和我在哪里，也会忘记和我一起来的朋友的名字。
So I went and drank from the stream.
于是我就去喝溪水。
And she woke me up.
她叫醒了我。
Five, open your eyes, all the way back, emerging from hypnosis, all the way back.
五、睁开眼睛，一路回来，从催眠中苏醒，一路回来。
Hi there.
你好呀。
Good.
好的。
Diane Bradshaw Feels pretty good, doesn't it?
黛安·布拉德肖 感觉很好，不是吗？
It was fun.
很有趣。
But I think I can remember.
但我想我能记住。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
And what is it you can remember?
你能记住什么？
What town do you live in?
你住在哪个城镇？
Salt Lake, sorry.
盐湖城，对不起。
Diane Bradshaw And what have you been doing today?
黛安·布拉德肖 你今天做了什么？
Um, working on this story.
嗯，正在写这个故事。
Diane Bradshaw And what's his name over here?
黛安·布拉德肖（Diane Bradshaw） 他在这里叫什么名字？
I'm sorry, man.
对不起，伙计。
I tried.
我试过。
I did.
我做到了。
I tried.
我试过。
The next day, I typed amnesia into a search engine on the World Wide Web and got a phone number for the Beckman Institute, a neuroscience center at the University of Illinois.
第二天，我在万维网上的搜索引擎中输入“失忆症”，得到了贝克曼研究所的电话号码，这是伊利诺伊大学的一个神经科学中心。
I called up and talked to Rob Althoff, a graduate student.
我打电话给研究生 Rob Althoff 进行了交谈。
And he told me that the kind of amnesia I was looking for was indeed very rare and that there's some disagreement over whether it even happens at all.
他告诉我，我所寻找的那种失忆症确实非常罕见，并且对于这种情况是否会发生存在一些分歧。
He said people do suffer long-term memory loss from severe brain injuries, but that usually, these people never recover their memories, that their brain doesn't regenerate.
他说，人们确实会因严重的脑损伤而遭受长期记忆丧失，但通常这些人永远不会恢复记忆，他们的大脑不会再生。
And he said that the other kind of amnesia, where there's no physical trauma, is often a matter of the person not wanting to remember, for one psychological reason or another, and that in these cases, it's really difficult to know whether the person is basically just faking it.
他说，另一种失忆症，没有身体创伤，通常是一个人出于某种心理原因不想记住的问题，在这些情况下，真的很难知道这个人是否基本上只是在假装。
Talking to Althoff made me wonder if amnesia, the kind we see on TV and in the movies, where a character gets hit on the head with a coconut, loses his self-identity and then spends the rest of the story rediscovering it or getting bonked on the head by another coconut, whether this is really just a story that we want to be true, that we somehow want to believe in it.
与阿尔托夫的交谈让我想知道，失忆症是否就是我们在电视和电影中看到的那种，角色被椰子击中头部，失去了自我认同，然后在故事的其余部分重新发现它，或者被另一个椰子敲击头部，这是否真的只是一个我们想要真实的故事，我们以某种方式想要相信它。
The next thing I did was call Diane Bradshaw back and ask her if she knew anyone who could be easily hypnotized and wouldn't mind having amnesia.
我做的下一件事就是给黛安·布拉德肖回电话，问她是否认识任何容易被催眠并且不介意失忆的人。
And she said yes, he's coming by this afternoon.
她说是的，他今天下午会来。
If you came by around 4:00, we could ask him.
如果你 4:00 左右来，我们可以问他。
So I went back and met Doug.
所以我回去见了道格。
And Doug was not only willing to be hypnotized, he told me that he'd actually had amnesia 10 years ago in Hawaii.
道格不仅愿意被催眠，他还告诉我，他实际上十年前在夏威夷就患有失忆症。
I was on my way from Haleiwa, which is the north shore of Hawaii.
我正从夏威夷北岸哈雷瓦出发。
And I was on my way in to Waikiki.
我正在前往威基基的路上。
And there was a guy standing on the side of the road that had a towel wrapped around his head and had chicken blood, or I don't know what kind of blood.
还有一个人站在路边，头上缠着毛巾，身上沾满了鸡血，或者说不知道是什么血。
But he pulled over.
但他把车停了下来。
He waved me over.
他挥手让我过去。
And I pulled over my Volkswagen van.
我把我的大众面包车停在路边。
And a bunch of guys came out of the cane field.
一群人从甘蔗地里走了出来。
And they just beat me.
他们刚刚打败了我。
They beat me senseless.
他们把我打得不省人事。
They broke almost every rib on the one side, punctured my lung with one of the ribs, punctured my lung, broke my jaw, broke my nose, and robbed me.
他们几乎折断了一侧的每一根肋骨，用其中一根肋骨刺穿了我的肺部，刺穿了我的肺部，打断了我的下巴，打断了我的鼻子，然后抢劫了我。
I was out.
我出去了。
And they took me to the hospital, and I didn't regain consciousness for over 20 days.
他们把我送到医院，二十多天我都没有醒过来。
21 days was when I finally woke up.
21天是我终于醒来的时候。
I was scared.
我很害怕。
I've never been that scared in my life.
我一生中从未如此害怕过。
I just didn't know how I got to where I was or who I was.
我只是不知道我是如何到达现在的位置，也不知道我是谁。
And then as soon as I started to feel comfortable, just even a little bit comfortable, then I kind of was excited.
一旦我开始感觉舒服，哪怕只是一点点舒服，我就有点兴奋。
I wanted to know everything.
我想知道一切。
I wanted to know what this was and just everything.
我想知道这是什么以及一切。
Because food, that was really wild.
因为食物，真的很疯狂。
When they brought me ice cream, I was, "Woo-hoo, boy, this is good.
当他们给我带来冰淇淋时，我说：“哇哦，孩子，这很好。
I like this.
我喜欢这个。
Bring more of this."
多带点这个来。”
So you couldn't remember food.
所以你不记得食物了。
You couldn't remember words, even.
你甚至记不住单词。
What kinds of things could you remember?
你能记住哪些事情？
I remember I talked kind of a baby talk kind of thing, where it was a broken making words.
我记得我说过类似儿语的东西，而且是断断续续的造词。
My mind would think the word, but it wouldn't come down to my mouth.
我的脑子里会想到这个词，但它不会落到我的嘴里。
And I would-- [SLURRED SPEECH] --kinda talk like, like that, like that.
我会——[含糊其辞]——有点像那样，那样。
It didn't take long for Diane to hypnotize him.
没过多久，黛安就催眠了他。
He went down like a rock.
他像石头一样倒下了。
In a moment, I'm going to say "wide awake." When I do, you will have no memory of who you are or where you are, gone completely.
一会儿，我要说“完全清醒”。当我这样做时，你将完全不记得你是谁或你在哪里。
Wide awake.
清醒。
Open your eyes, wide awake.
睁开眼睛，彻底清醒。
Hi there.
你好呀。
What's your name?
你叫什么名字？
Where are you?
你在哪里？
I don't know.
我不知道。
Diane Bradshaw You don't know.
黛安·布拉德肖 你不知道。
Did you know when you came in here?
你知道你什么时候进来的吗？
I don't remember.
我不记得了。
Diane Bradshaw You don't remember.
黛安·布拉德肖 你不记得了。
Yeah.
是的。
Ask him how it feels to not know who he is.
问他不知道自己是谁感觉如何。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Diane Bradshaw What's it like not to know?
黛安·布拉德肖 不知道是什么感觉？
How does that blackness make you feel?
这种黑暗让你感觉如何？
When you say black, what's the emotion?
当你说黑色时，你的情绪是什么？
Puzzled, and it's like I'm waiting for the projector to start at a movie.
很困惑，就像我在等待投影仪播放电影一样。
Like it's not on yet.
好像还没开呢
Watching Doug go through this, I couldn't decide whether it was real amnesia or whether it was just a performance of amnesia, and that maybe there's no difference.
看着道格经历这一切，我无法确定这是真正的失忆还是只是失忆的表现，也许没有什么区别。
Doug said that getting beat up and losing his memory did help him turn his life around.
道格说，被殴打和失去记忆确实帮助他扭转了生活。
If that's what he needed, if that's what we all need at some level, then it's no wonder people pretend it's more common than it really is.
如果这就是他所需要的，如果这就是我们在某种程度上所需要的，那么难怪人们假装它比实际情况更常见。
Well, our program was produced today by Alix Spiegel and myself with Peter Clowney and Nancy Updike.
嗯，我们今天的节目是由阿利克斯·斯皮格尔和我、彼得·克劳尼和南希·厄普代克共同制作的。
Senior editor Paul Tough.
高级编辑保罗·托夫。
Contributing editors for this show, Margy Rochlin, Jack Hitt, and Consigliere Sarah Vowell.
本节目的特约编辑包括 Margy Rochlin、Jack Hitt 和 Consigliere Sarah Vowell。
Thanks to Elizabeth Meister, who runs our website.
感谢运营我们网站的伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister)。
[ACKNOWLEDGMENTS] To buy a cassette of this or any of our shows, call us here at WBEZ in Chicago, 312-832-3380.
[鸣谢] 要购买本节目或我们任何节目的磁带，请致电芝加哥的 WBEZ，电话：312-832-3380。
Or you can listen to most of our programs for free on the internet at our website, www.thislife.org.
或者，您可以在我们的网站 www.thislife.org 上免费收听我们的大部分节目。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督。
And what exactly is management oversight?
管理监督到底是什么？
I edit out the midnight wanks, the petty thefts, the unkind words.
我删掉半夜的手淫、小偷小摸、不友善的言语。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life .
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。