40: Lessons - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #40 | February 5, 1999 40: Lessons Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 40 集 | 1999 年 2 月 5 日 40：课程 注意：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue: Prologue Different Voices From PRI, Public Radio International.
序言：序言 来自国际公共广播电台 PRI 的不同声音。
From PRI, Public Radio International.
来自国际公共广播电台 PRI。
From PRI, Public Radio International.
来自国际公共广播电台 PRI。
Public Radio.
公共广播电台。
Public Radio International.
国际公共广播电台。
Here's the dream, expressed as concisely, I think, as anybody ever has expressed it.
这就是我的梦想，我认为，正如任何人曾经表达过的那样简洁。
I hold in my hand a handwritten sign that was photocopied and pasted up around the San Francisco area.
我手里拿着一个手写的标牌，它被复印并粘贴在旧金山地区周围。
In big letters at the top it says, "Play guitar for $5." There are two underlines underneath that.
顶部用大字写着：“弹吉他只需 5 美元。”下面有两条下划线。
Then, in smaller letters underneath, it says, "I don't give guitar lessons.
然后，下面用较小的字母写着：“我不教吉他课。
I give one lesson.
我教一课。
In that lesson, I will teach you three chords for 5 bucks.
在那节课中，我会花 5 美元教你三个和弦。
Ever see those mindless junkies up on stage banging out that pre-adolescent bull, waving their hair around, getting free drinks and other favors?
你见过那些没脑子的瘾君子在舞台上殴打那头青春期前的公牛，挥舞着头发，获得免费饮料和其他好处吗？
Know why they're better than you?
知道为什么他们比你优秀吗？
Because they know three chords, and you don't.
因为他们知道三个和弦，而你不知道。
So for a quarter of what you'd spend getting drunk and watching their crappy band, I'll teach you all you need to know.
所以，只要你花四分之一的钱去喝醉，看他们蹩脚的乐队，我就能教你所有你需要知道的东西。
If you're sick of talking and want to start rocking, give me a call and give me a five, and I'll show you how." And then, underneath, the guy's name, Michael Dean, punk rock and roll fantasy camp, then his phone number, and the important words which follow, "Call at noon only." Underlined "only."
如果你厌倦了说话并想开始摇滚，请给我打电话并给我五分，我会告诉你如何做。”然后，在下面，这个人的名字，迈克尔·迪恩，朋克摇滚幻想营，然后是他的电话号码，以及接下来的重要字眼，“只在中午打电话。”下划线为“仅”。
Why I bring it up here-- by the way, from WBEZ Chicago it's This American Life.
为什么我在这里提到它——顺便说一句，来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的节目是《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
I bring it up here because this is the dream, this right here.
我在这里提出这个问题是因为这就是梦想，就在这里。
This sums it up, the dream of what we want when we start taking classes.
总结起来，就是我们开始上课时想要的梦想。
Our dream is it's going to be easy, it's going to be quick, it's going to be cheap, and that we're going to be transformed by someone who is completely confident of that fact.
我们的梦想是它会变得容易、快速、便宜，并且我们将被一个对此事实完全有信心的人所改变。
He's just going to give it to us, and then it's just going to happen.
他只是要把它给我们，然后它就会发生。
And then we're going to be done.
然后我们就完成了。
This is the dream that we carry with us into any kind of lessons of any sort, guitar, dancing, tennis, meditation, pottery, screenplay writing.
这是我们在任何类型的课程中都带着的梦想，吉他、舞蹈、网球、冥想、陶艺、剧本写作。
Well, we are back here on our program for another week documenting everyday life in these United States.
好吧，我们又回到了一周的节目中，记录了美国的日常生活。
Each week, as you know, we choose a theme, invite a variety of writers and performers and documentary producers to take a whack at that theme.
如您所知，我们每周都会选择一个主题，邀请各种作家、表演者和纪录片制片人来探讨该主题。
Today's theme is Lessons.
今天的主题是教训。
Act One, Ski Lessons.
第一幕，滑雪课。
And in that act, we are pleased to bring you Spalding Gray, a man who is sometimes called the premier teller of monologues in America.
在这一幕中，我们很高兴为您带来斯伯丁·格雷（Spalding Gray），他有时被称为美国首屈一指的独白讲述者。
Act Two, Swimming Lesson.
第二幕，游泳课。
That'll be a story from our own Scott Carrier.
这将是我们自己的斯科特·卡里尔的故事。
Act Three, How To Fire a Potato in a Graceful Arc 450 Feet in the Air, a lesson on that.
第三幕，如何在 450 英尺高空以优美的弧线发射土豆，这是相关课程。
Act Four, we'll just get to Act Four when we do.
第四幕，当我们这样做时我们就会进入第四幕。
Stick around and learn, OK?
留下来学习，好吗？
Yeah, you can tell we're having the big star on today because we're using the big movie music.
是的，你可以看出我们今天邀请了大明星，因为我们使用了大电影音乐。
Klieg light sweeping across the studio ceiling.
克利格灯扫过工作室的天花板。
I wish you could see it in here.
我希望你能在这里看到它。
I've got to turn this music off.
我得把音乐关掉。
Hold on for a second.
等一下。
I'm just going to take that out.
我只是要把它拿出来。
Let me switch to another song here.
让我在这里切换到另一首歌。
Yeah, that'll do.
是的，这样就可以了。
As I was saying, it's a great pleasure to welcome Spalding Gray to our program.
正如我所说，非常高兴欢迎斯伯丁·格雷加入我们的项目。
Gray's probably best known for his monologue Swimming to Cambodia , which was made into a feature film a few years back.
格雷最出名的可能是他的独白《游到柬埔寨》，几年前它被拍成了一部故事片。
He's travelled the country for years with various monologues, Monster in a Box, Gray's Anatomy .
多年来，他带着各种独白走遍了这个国家，《盒子里的怪物》、《实习医生格蕾》。
If you haven't seen him, what he does is he basically just sits on stage with a table and a glass of water and some notes in the most nondescript clothes possible, clothes that make no statement at all.
如果你没见过他，他所做的就是坐在舞台上，拿着一张桌子、一杯水和一些笔记，穿着最不起眼的衣服，根本没有任何声明。
And he tells these stories.
他讲述了这些故事。
It's interesting, actually, for those of us who have followed Spalding Gray's work, this monologue-- it's called It's a Slippery Slope -- because unlike some of them, it's a story in which he's really transformed.
事实上，对于我们这些关注斯伯丁·格雷作品的人来说，这段独白很有趣——它被称为“这是一个滑坡”——因为与他们中的一些人不同，这是一个他真正转变的故事。
At the end of the story, he is really a different person than he is at the beginning in two ways.
在故事的结尾，他在两个方面确实与开头不同。
That transformation takes two parts.
这种转变分为两部分。
One, he leaves his long-term relationship-- this woman who he's just been with for years and years and years-- for another woman and has a baby with this other woman.
第一，他为了另一个女人离开了他的长期关系——这个和他在一起了很多年的女人，并和另一个女人生了一个孩子。
And the other thing is, he learns to ski.
另一件事是，他学会了滑雪。
We're going to play you a long excerpt of the skiing stories he tells.
我们将为您播放他讲述的滑雪故事的长段摘录。
Spalding Gray tells the audience that he hates lessons and school of all types, does miserably in any kind of formal learning setting.
斯伯丁·格雷告诉观众，他讨厌各种类型的课程和学校，在任何正式的学习环境中都表现得很糟糕。
But somehow, he gets it in his head that what he wants to do is he wants to ski.
但不知何故，他脑子里意识到他想做的就是滑雪。
Skiers just seem glorious and athletic.
滑雪者看起来光荣而运动。
And he and his longtime companion, Renee, decide to take a lesson.
他和他的长期伴侣蕾妮决定接受教训。
So there we are, standing there on a beautiful, clear, cloudless spring day.
我们就这样，在一个美丽、晴朗、万里无云的春日站在那里。
And our ski professor, the instructor, comes out and announces that he used to be a heart surgeon.
我们的滑雪教授、教练出来说他曾经是一名心脏外科医生。
Now he's retired and doing what he's always really wanted to do, ski instructing.
现在他已经退休了，开始做他一直想做的事情：滑雪教练。
"And aren't you lucky to be here on one of the most beautiful slopes in America," so he says, "standing on 150 inches of packed powder under a cloudless, blue sky, looking out over the edge of the Grand Canyon, the rim." And so we were, and so it was spectacular.
“你能来到美国最美丽的滑雪场之一，难道不是很幸运吗？”他说道，“站在万里无云的蓝天下，站在 150 英寸厚的粉雪上，眺望大峡谷的边缘，即边缘。”我们就是这样，所以这很壮观。
And we began to do the first moves, the snow plow.
我们开始做第一个动作，铲雪。
And we start down.
我们开始往下走。
It's a bit awkward, but I am staying balanced.
虽然有点尴尬，但我还是保持平衡。
The skis aren't splitting me too much, and Renee and everyone else in the class is doing fine.
滑雪板并没有让我分心，蕾妮和班上的其他人都表现得很好。
And we go into the turns for the traverse.
然后我们进入转弯进行横移。
And people are going right, left, and I find that for some reason-- I never have found out why-- I only could turn left.
人们要么向右转，要么向左转，我发现出于某种原因——我从来不知道为什么——我只能向左转。
But I was doing that fine.
但我做得很好。
I was doing these great traverses left, and snow plow down, and take the lift up, and left, and down and left.
我正在向左进行这些伟大的穿越，铲雪，然后乘电梯向上，向左，向下，向左。
Hi, left, left.
嗨，左，左。
I couldn't come around right.
我无法正常过来。
I thought I had to think my way around into it.
我想我必须想办法解决这个问题。
And Renee now has finished the lesson, is up on the porch saying, "Let's get going.
蕾妮现在已经完成了课程，站在门廊上说：“我们走吧。
We're going to miss our plane." I said, "Renee, I don't think I can go.
我们会错过飞机的。”我说：“蕾妮，我想我不能去。
I have to turn right on skis.
我必须在滑雪时右转。
I'm going to do it like you.
我要像你一样做。
I've got to do it." "Spald, come, there'll be another time." "What if there isn't?"
我必须这么做。” “斯伯德，来吧，还有下次。” “如果没有怎么办？”
In the car, I am completely dejected, depressed.
在车上，我彻底垂头丧气，郁闷极了。
She's driving.
她正在开车。
I'm in a big slough.
我在一个大泥沼里。
I'm in a slump, going "Oh no, failed again." We get to the Phoenix airport, and we go in.
我陷入了低谷，“哦不，又失败了。”我们到达凤凰城机场，然后登机。
And we're just checking on the bags, and something seizes me.
我们正在检查行李，有什么东西抓住了我。
I just freeze up and go, "I can't.
我只是僵住了，然后说道：“我不能。
I'm not going.
我不去。
I can't.
我不能。
Wait, wait.
等等，等等。
No, no. I've got to turn right on skis.
不，不。我必须在滑雪板上右转。
It's as simple as that.
就这么简单。
Excuse me, ma'am.
对不起，女士。
Wait, no, you put the bags.
等等，不，你把袋子放好。
Wait, ma'am.
等等，女士。
Wait, there's a motel up there, isn't there?
等等，上面有一家汽车旅馆，不是吗？
Up at that ski slope?" "Mr. Gray, I am here to check you on for the Newark flight.
就在那个滑雪场吗？” “格雷先生，我来这里是为了检查您飞往纽瓦克的航班的情况。
I'm not a travel agent.
我不是旅行社。
Are you or are you not flying with us?"
你是否与我们一起飞行？”
"I can't-- wait a minute, Renee.
“我不能——等一下，蕾妮。
You go ahead.
你继续吧。
I'm going to go up there, and maybe I can go back to Davis.
我要去那里，也许我可以回到戴维斯。
I don't-- oh wait, wait, wait, oh Jesus Christ.
我不——哦等等，等等，等等，哦耶稣基督。
I can't--" She's going over to talk to the head stewardess saying, "I think there's someone here that should not be flying with us today." Renee leads me over meanwhile, and she saying, "What is going on?" And I said, "Renee, listen, I'm tired of being a vicarian.
我不能——”她走过去和空姐长说，“我认为这里有人今天不应该和我们一起飞行。”与此同时，蕾妮领着我走了过去，她问道：“发生了什么事？”我说：“蕾妮，听着，我厌倦了当牧师。
I want to live a life, not tell it.
我想要过一种生活，而不是告诉它。
I don't want to do a monologue about not being able to turn right on skis.
我不想就滑雪时无法右转进行独白。
I want to just do it.
我只想这么做。
I got oh--" She goes, "Time for intervention.
我得到了哦——”她说道，“是时候进行干预了。
I'm calling your brother."
我给你哥哥打电话。”
She calls my brother, Rocky, in Saint Louis and says, "I'm here in the Phoenix airport.
她打电话给我在圣路易斯的兄弟洛基，说：“我在菲尼克斯机场。
Spald won't get on the plane because he can't turn right on skis.
斯伯德不会上飞机，因为他无法在滑雪板上右转。
I'll put him on.
我会把他穿上。
All right." "Hi, Rock, I'm doing well turning left.
好吧。” “嗨，洛克，我左转的情况很好。
I know I could be a skier.
我知道我可以成为一名滑雪运动员。
Yeah, I can't turn right." "Well, don't you have a hard life."
是的，我不能右转。” “嗯，你活得不辛苦吧。”
Well, as this story goes, Spalding Gray does in fact get on the plane and does return to New York City.
好吧，正如这个故事所说，斯伯丁·格雷确实登上了飞机并返回了纽约市。
But he remains obsessed with this idea that he is going to learn to ski, and he is going to finally turn right.
但他仍然痴迷于他要学习滑雪的想法，他最终要右转。
And so obsessed with it, in fact, he says at one point he actually starts to watch skiing videos.
事实上，他对此非常着迷，甚至一度开始观看滑雪视频。
They're unbelievable.
他们难以置信。
They're like porn films.
它们就像色情电影。
I mean similar exhibitionistic gymnastics, similar music, similar vicarious, "god, I feel lonely, I wished I was in the center of that" feeling.
我的意思是类似的暴露体操，类似的音乐，类似的替代，“上帝，我感到孤独，我希望我是在那种感觉的中心”。
Eventually, Spalding Gray does finally get to ski with an acquaintance named Barney on this picture perfect day out on a mountain in California.
最终，斯伯丁·格雷终于和一位名叫巴尼的熟人一起在加利福尼亚州的一座山上滑雪，度过了完美的一天。
DayGlo tape is pulled.
DayGlo 胶带被拉出。
Barney and I start up with all of the locals.
巴尼和我从所有当地人开始。
And we begin to ski, and I find I'm only going left.
我们开始滑雪，我发现我只能向左走。
I'm going left into the bushes, coming out the other side with branches in my mouth like a Botticelli.
我向左走进灌木丛，从另一边出来，嘴里叼着树枝，就像波提切利的画一样。
And I say, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't bother you.
我说，我不会，我不会，我不会，我不会打扰你。
I know I have to do this on my own.
我知道我必须自己做这件事。
You go ski.
你去滑雪吧。
I'm going over to Meadow.
我要去梅多。
I go over to Meadow, the green slope.
我走向草地，绿色的斜坡。
And I am inspired that day when I see what I see.
那天，当我看到我所看到的东西时，我受到了启发。
It's the adaptive ski school.
这是适应性滑雪学校。
And they are taking quadriplegics out of wheelchairs and putting them in gondolas with those little ski runners.
他们正在把四肢瘫痪的人从轮椅上拿下来，并把他们和那些小滑雪运动员一起放进缆车里。
And they have poles with skis on them, and I think, Spalding, if you can't turn right on this slope today, give it up.
他们有带滑雪板的杆子，我想，斯伯丁，如果你今天不能在这个斜坡上右转，就放弃吧。
Now, I have no instructor.
现在，我没有导师了。
I'm trying to do this on my own.
我正在尝试自己做这件事。
And I begin, and I'm left in crashing.
我开始了，然后我就崩溃了。
And yard sale, all stuff is all over, picking up my stuff.
还有庭院拍卖，所有的东西都结束了，捡起我的东西。
But you know what I'm impressed by is how wildly I can crash and still get up without anything broken.
但你知道，令我印象深刻的是，我可以多么疯狂地摔倒，但仍然能在没有任何损坏的情况下站起来。
And it's left and crash, and left and crash.
然后它就离开了，崩溃了，离开了，崩溃了。
And then it happens.
然后事情就发生了。
It's ineffable.
真是难以言喻。
I can't tell you how it happens.
我无法告诉你这是怎么发生的。
All the time, I think I had to think myself around.
一直以来，我想我必须反省自己。
It was just a shift of weight, and I never experienced this in my life except in 1946 on Thanksgiving Day when I first learned how to pump on a swing.
这只是体重的转移，除了 1946 年感恩节那天我第一次学会如何在秋千上打气之外，我一生中从未经历过这种情况。
I suddenly turned right, or something turned me right.
我突然向右转，或者是什么东西让我向右转。
And then left, right, left, boom, down.
然后向左，向右，向左，轰隆隆，向下。
But I was up again, left, right, left.
但我又站了起来，向左，向右，向左。
People would ski by me real fast.
人们会很快地从我身边滑过。
I'd crash.
我会崩溃的。
People would ski by me and fall.
人们会从我身边滑过然后摔倒。
I'd crash.
我会崩溃的。
I was in such empathy.
我非常同情。
Or I'd be skiing and thinking, you're doing it.
或者我会一边滑雪一边想，你正在做这件事。
You're skiing.
你在滑雪。
Crash.
碰撞。
It was so beautiful.
真是太美了。
It was like zen, but not as subtle.
这就像禅宗，但不那么微妙。
If you weren't present, you crashed, and the mountain hit you.
如果你不在场，你就会崩溃，山就会撞到你。
And I realized at that point that all my life I'd been doing a kind of subtle suicide to myself.
那时我意识到我一生都在对自己进行一种微妙的自杀。
I'd always be somewhere else in my head.
我脑子里总是在别的地方。
I was always thinking, oh, I could be there.
我一直在想，哦，我可以在那里。
Or I could be there.
或者我也可以在那里。
I could be there.
我可以在那里。
Or I wish I was there.
或者我希望我在那里。
But now when I'm skiing, I don't have that as long as I'm skiing.
但现在当我滑雪的时候，只要我在滑雪，我就没有这个了。
And I'm so excited I get down to lunch to join Barney, and we go over to the blue slope.
我很兴奋，我去和巴尼一起吃午饭，然后我们去了蓝色的斜坡。
And I'm going to ski with him, and now it's a [UNINTELLIGIBLE] day.
我要和他一起滑雪，现在是[难以理解]的一天。
It is a perfect day that reminds me of the old days, the Thornton Burgess books my father used to read to me, The West Wind Stories when you see the cloud with a face and a wind puffing out of its lips.
这是完美的一天，让我想起了过去的日子，想起了父亲常给我读的桑顿·伯吉斯的书《西风故事》，当你看到云朵有一张脸，风从它的嘴唇里喷出来时。
That's how the clouds looked.
这就是云的样子。
Only there wasn't wind.
只是没有风。
It was these long chains of snow flurries.
正是这些长长的雪链。
And then the clouds would pass, and the bright California sun would light the packed snow.
然后云层就会散去，加州明亮的阳光将照亮积雪。
And there were furrows where other people had skied, and we were hopping through the furrows in other people's rhythm.
别人滑过的地方有沟渠，我们则跟着别人的节奏在沟渠里跳跃。
And we were riding up.
我们骑马上去。
We were dancing in the day.
白天我们在跳舞。
I was with a man, and we weren't talking.
我和一个男人在一起，我们没有说话。
We were skiing together, and I couldn't stop.
我们一起滑雪，我根本停不下来。
At the end of the day, they had to restrain me.
到最后，他们不得不限制我。
I tried to bribe the lift operator for another run.
我试图贿赂电梯操作员以再次运行。
Barney said, "Easy, easy, easy.
巴尼说：“简单，简单，简单。
You've been skiing for seven hours." I'd never done anything for seven hours in my life.
你已经滑雪了七个小时了。”我这辈子从来没有在七个小时内做过任何事。
I never thought of death once.
我从来没有想过死亡。
We went back to the condo.
我们回到公寓。
Barney was driving.
巴尼正在开车。
I was flat-lining.
我当时很平淡。
Whoa, not an anxious thought in my head.
哇，我脑子里没有焦虑的想法。
Oh, boy, unwind in front of the gas log.
哦，孩子，在煤气灶前放松一下。
Have a couple of beers and watch the weather channel.
喝几杯啤酒，看看天气频道。
Whatever.
任何。
Deep, deep dreamers, oblivion, sleep.
深深的、深深的梦想家，遗忘，睡眠。
The following day, I woke up and I thought, oh, my god.
第二天，我醒来时心想，哦，天啊。
Now there's skiing, and there's life.
现在有了滑雪，就有了生活。
And I don't want to live anymore.
而且我不想再活了。
I don't want to come down from this mountain.
我不想从这座山下来。
I want to figure out how to stay up here, how to make a living up here, how to just ski.
我想弄清楚如何呆在这里，如何在这里谋生，如何滑雪。
I had a mission.
我有一个使命。
I never felt a mission in my life, a quest.
我一生中从未感受到过使命、追求。
I wanted to ski across America to New England.
我想滑雪穿越美国到新英格兰。
I saw myself like John Cheever's story, "The Swimmer." Burt Lancaster did the film.
我认为自己喜欢约翰·契弗的故事《游泳者》。伯特·兰卡斯特执导了这部电影。
Swimming his way back to that deserted house through backyard swimming pools, only I was going to do it on ski slopes and use my monologue as a vehicle and begin booking them by ski areas.
通过后院的游泳池游回那栋废弃的房子，只有我打算在滑雪场上做这件事，并以我的独白为载体，开始预订滑雪场。
And I did.
我做到了。
I booked Gray's Anatomy first of all where I had to conquer the big master, Ajax in Aspen.
我首先预订了格雷解剖学，在那里我必须征服阿斯彭的大师阿贾克斯。
And I booked the Wheeler Opera House, and they gave me a condo, a free ski lesson, and passes to ski and some money.
我预订了惠勒歌剧院，他们给了我一套公寓、免费滑雪课程、滑雪通行证和一些钱。
It was a very good deal.
这是一笔非常好的交易。
It was.
是的。
And basically in Aspen, there are two mountains.
基本上在阿斯彭，有两座山。
You've got Ajax, the big, giant father figure.
你有阿贾克斯，一个高大、巨人的父亲形象。
And then you've got Buttermilk, which is like the reclining lady.
然后是酪乳，就像斜倚的女士。
You can ski over her breasts and through her thighs, no problem.
你可以滑过她的胸部和大腿，没问题。
At the end of the day, go over and get beat up by the father, you see.
一天结束的时候，走过去就被父亲打了，你瞧。
The ticket is interchangeable.
门票可以互换。
So I am having my ski lesson on Buttermilk, of course, on the lady.
所以我的滑雪课是关于酪乳的，当然是关于那位女士的。
And I am hanging out, waiting for the ski instructor to come out.
我正在闲逛，等待滑雪教练出来。
I have nothing to do, so I'm reading whatever I can get my hands on.
我无事可做，所以我正在阅读任何我能找到的东西。
I'm reading the back of my ski ticket.
我正在阅读滑雪票的背面。
I will never do that again.
我再也不会这样做了。
"Skiing is inherently a dangerous sport, which can result in personal injury, including catastrophic injury, death or property damage." God forbid property damage.
“滑雪本质上是一项危险的运动，可能导致人身伤害，包括灾难性伤害、死亡或财产损失。”上帝禁止财产损失。
"If you are not willing to assume the risks set forth in this warning, please do not ski in this area." Sign it.
“如果您不愿意承担本警告中规定的风险，请不要在该地区滑雪。”签字吧。
Sign the ticket.
在票上签名。
Sign for the skis, little stubby 160s so I can turn easily.
滑雪板的标志，小粗短的 160 度，这样我可以轻松转弯。
Sign, sign, sign.
签名，签名，签名。
Sign my life away and wait for my ski instructor to come out.
签下我的生命，等待我的滑雪教练出来。
And he skis out, says, "Hi, guy.
然后他滑雪出去，说：“嗨，伙计。
OK, let's begin.
好的，我们开始吧。
Sterling, is it all right if I call you Sterling?
斯特林，我可以叫你斯特林吗？
Let's begin with a little joke, Sterling.
让我们从一个小笑话开始吧，斯特林。
Do you know the difference between a snowboard and a vacuum cleaner?" "No, I don't." "Depends on where you attach the dirt bag.
你知道滑雪板和吸尘器的区别吗？” “不，我不。” “取决于你把垃圾袋装在哪里。
OK, slight bend in the knees.
好的，膝盖稍微弯曲。
Corresponding bend in the hip joint, great.
髋关节相应弯曲，很棒。
OK, crouch and lift at the same time, good.
好的，同时蹲下和抬起，很好。
Parallel skis, flat on the snow.
平行滑雪板，平放在雪地上。
Skis slightly edged, all right?
滑雪板有一点边缘，好吗？
Now, using turns on each traverse, we can go down the mountain at any speed we so desire.
现在，通过每次穿越的转弯，我们可以以我们想要的任何速度下山。
Now weight, 90% of the weight on the downhill ski, good.
现在的重量，90%的重量在速降滑雪上，不错。
Weight forward, don't sit back.
重心向前，不要向后坐。
Nothing natural about this posture, Sterling, nothing natural about it.
这个姿势一点也不自然，斯特林，一点也不自然。
Hey, don't cave in.
嘿，别陷进去。
All right, flex your elbows.
好吧，弯曲你的肘部。
Weight over the balls of your feet.
重量集中在脚掌上。
Please don't stick your butt out.
请不要把屁股伸出来。
Now, your basic traverse stance is often referred to as that of a banana.
现在，您的基本横移姿势通常被称为香蕉姿势。
Banana arching, skin on the banana.
香蕉拱起，香蕉皮。
Still think of your ski-suit as a banana skin if that's going to help.
如果有帮助的话，仍然可以将你的滑雪服想象成香蕉皮。
Now, you're really falling down the mountain, Sterling." Another snowboarder shoots between us.
现在，你真的从山上掉下来了，斯特林。”另一个滑雪板运动员在我们之间射击。
"That little [BLEEP].
“那个小[哔]声。
I'm just waiting for one of them to hit me, and I'm going to cash in on his HMO and retire.
我只是在等待他们中的一个来攻击我，然后我将利用他的 HMO 兑现并退休。
OK, parallel skis.
好的，平行滑雪板。
Upper ski is slightly leading in front of the downhill ski.
上坡滑雪板稍微领先于下坡滑雪板。
Shift your weight and let the upper ski lead out.
转移你的重心，让上滑雪板伸出。
All right, facing down the fall line.
好吧，面朝坠落线。
Basically, you're falling down the mountain, OK?
基本上，你会从山上掉下来，好吗？
Point your belly button down the hill.
将肚脐指向山下。
Banana arching, OK?
香蕉拱形，好吗？
You stand and watch while I traverse down the mountain, and then you follow."
我下山的时候你站着看，然后你也跟着走。”
I stood there like a frozen banana and ended up going down to the Wheeler Opera House to perform Gray's Anatomy .
我像一根冻香蕉一样站在那里，最后去惠勒歌剧院表演《格雷的解剖学》。
My ironic, hypochondriacal voice made all the exhausted skiers laugh.
我讽刺的、忧郁的声音让所有疲惫的滑雪者都笑了起来。
The following day, I was determined to set skis on Ajax, even though my guide books said under no circumstances should a beginner go on this mountain.
第二天，我决定去阿贾克斯滑雪，尽管我的旅游指南上写着初学者在任何情况下都不应该去这座山。
And on the way to Ajax, I was recollecting my Greek history.
在去阿贾克斯的路上，我回忆起我的希腊历史。
Ajax, hero of the Trojan Wars, who mistook a flock of sheep for warriors, hallucinated, killed them, and then killed himself out of humiliation.
特洛伊战争的英雄埃阿斯，误把一群羊当成战士，产生幻觉，杀死了羊，然后羞辱自杀。
That's Ajax.
那是阿贾克斯。
So I arrive, and I get the map.
所以我到达了，我拿到了地图。
And I'm choosing what trail I should go on based on the name.
我正在根据名字选择我应该走的路线。
And I choose Dipsy-Doodle and Pussyfoot.
我选择 Dipsy-Doodle 和 Pussyfoot。
So I'm standing on Dipsy-Doodle, talking to myself.
所以我站在 Dipsy-Doodle 上，自言自语。
Skis parallel and slightly apart.
滑雪板平行并稍微分开。
Slightly.
轻微地。
Slightly means slightly.
轻微的意思是轻微的。
Relax arms, flex elbows, flex elbows.
放松手臂，弯曲肘部，弯曲肘部。
Why did I let him call me Sterling?
我为什么让他叫我斯特林？
Crouch and lift at the same time.
同时蹲下和抬起。
Weight over the balls of your feet.
重量集中在脚掌上。
Now look, I never knew my feet had balls.
现在看，我从来不知道我的脚有球。
I've heard the expression, but I have never contacted them.
我听说过这个说法，但我从未联系过他们。
Basically, I felt like a bad geometry class.
基本上，我感觉几何课很糟糕。
I felt all fragmented.
我感觉一切都支离破碎了。
I couldn't really get it all together and boogie.
我无法真正把这一切放在一起，布吉。
And these these other skiers are going by me full speed, doing that little Austrian wiggle, that tight ass little bunny hop, the skis close together.
这些其他滑雪者正全速从我身边经过，做着奥地利式的小扭动，紧致的小兔子跳跃，滑雪板靠得很近。
[BUMPING SOUNDS] They go by.
[碰撞声]他们经过。
With their nose up in the air, they go, "On your left." I mean you're not allowed to fall on Ajax.
他们抬起头，说道：“在你的左边。”我的意思是你不可以在阿贾克斯身上倒下。
If you fall, they go by and go, "On your left." At Buttermilk, they say, "Are you all right, guy?
如果你摔倒了，他们会经过并说：“在你的左边。”在酪乳店，他们说：“你还好吗，伙计？
Can I help you up?"
我可以扶你起来吗？”
But I'm skiing.
但我正在滑雪。
I'm skiing, and I'm going down.
我在滑雪，我要下山了。
I haven't got any inner cheerleader voice, no voice in me saying, you're doing great.
我内心没有任何啦啦队长的声音，没有声音说，你做得很好。
But you know what I don't have anymore?
但你知道我不再拥有什么吗？
I don't have the self-deprecating, "you're [BLEEP] you're no good, you'll never master this" voice because the mountain's knocking the [BLEEP] out of me.
我没有那种自嘲的声音，“你[BLEEP]你不行，你永远不会掌握这个”的声音，因为这座山把我[BLEEP]击倒了。
It's hitting me.
它正在击中我。
It took that voice away.
它带走了那个声音。
It's such a whoa that beats you up.
真是太棒了，把你打败了。
It's a plummeting.
这是一个直线下降。
It's like the father I never wrestled with.
就像我从未与之摔跤的父亲一样。
I'm down, boom.
我很沮丧，繁荣。
And I'm up again.
我又站起来了。
And I'm surviving it.
我正在幸存。
And I'm skiing, and I experience a zen miracle.
我正在滑雪，我体验到了禅宗的奇迹。
I'm hungry without looking at my watch.
我不看表就饿了。
And I ski on down.
我继续滑雪。
I don't ski the whole mountain.
我不会滑雪整座山。
It's just halfway down to the little gourmet restaurant, Bonnie's.
走到半路就到了小美食餐厅 Bonnie's。
Hey, I feel like a skier now.
嘿，我现在感觉像个滑雪者。
I can eat with them on the deck.
我可以和他们一起在甲板上吃饭。
Take my skis off, [UNINTELLIGIBLE] in the snow, clomp on down like a man on the moon, big ski boots crouching on the deck.
脱掉我的滑雪板，[无法辨认]在雪地里，像月球上的人一样踩下去，大滑雪靴蹲在甲板上。
Order a well-done hamburger to avoid E.
点一个全熟的汉堡以避免大肠杆菌。
coli.
大肠杆菌。
And sit out in the sun.
坐在外面晒太阳。
Oh, my god.
我的天啊。
I've got to pinch myself.
我得掐自己一下。
The fat lady hasn't sung yet.
胖女人还没有唱歌。
Is this really happening to me?
这真的发生在我身上吗？
Is this Spuddy Gray, great failure of Barrington, Rhode Island, skiing in Aspen alone, able to be alone?
这个斯巴迪·格雷，罗德岛州巴灵顿的大失败，独自在阿斯彭滑雪，能独自一人吗？
It occurred to me that this was a moment I was having for myself.
我突然意识到，这是属于我自己的时刻。
I was doing this.
我正在做这个。
I didn't even know what that meant, never had the experience in my life.
我什至不知道这意味着什么，我一生中从未有过这种经历。
And I'm saying, this is really cool.
我想说，这真的很酷。
I like this.
我喜欢这个。
And oh, I see three people coming toward me.
哦，我看到三个人朝我走过来。
Uh-oh, it's all over.
呃哦，一切都结束了。
These people have probably seen my show.
这些人可能看过我的节目。
I can tell by the way the woman's smiling.
我可以从那个女人微笑的方式看出。
And they come over, though I like them.
他们过来了，尽管我喜欢他们。
They're locals.
他们是当地人。
The first woman's name is Maggie.
第一个女人的名字是玛吉。
She's a mail-woman, a letter carrier.
她是一名邮递员，一名邮递员。
She's on a long lunch break.
她正在享受很长的午休时间。
And her boyfriend, Jake, who is a a contractor, and then Martha, a friend of theirs who is a ski instructor for the blind actually over at Buttermilk.
她的男朋友杰克（Jake）是一名承包商，然后是玛莎（Martha），他们的朋友，盲人滑雪教练，实际上在酪乳（Buttermilk）。
And they're all taking the day off to ski.
他们都请了一天假去滑雪。
And they want to ski with me.
他们想和我一起滑雪。
And I say, "Oh, no, no, I'm not really a skier.
我说：“哦，不，不，我并不是真正的滑雪者。
I'm just a faller, really.
我只是一个失败者，真的。
I'm up here falling down.
我在这儿跌倒了。
Don't, don't, don't.
不要，不要，不要。
I'm having a good time alone.
我一个人过得很开心
It's fine." No, no, they're not interested.
没关系。”不，不，他们不感兴趣。
They've skied the mountain hundreds of times.
他们已经在山上滑雪数百次了。
And Jake's trying to give me this line that pack skiing is how I will really learn, skiing in a group.
杰克试图告诉我，团体滑雪是我真正学习的方式，在团体中滑雪。
He's got this theory, the Balinese dance masters, he's telling me.
他告诉我，巴厘岛舞蹈大师有这个理论。
That's how they teach their students kinetically so they're dancing right.
他们就是这样教学生动态的，这样他们就能正确地跳舞。
"All right, I'll give it a try."
“好吧，我试试吧。”
So we go over, and damn it all if those skis don't feel too big.
所以我们就过去了，如果那些滑雪板感觉不是太大就该死。
They always do when I put them on at first.
当我第一次戴上它们时，它们总是这样。
I feel like a two-year-old trying to walk again.
我感觉就像一个两岁的孩子试图再次走路。
They're crossing.
他们正在穿越。
I'm flopping around.
我正翻来覆去。
I fall down.
我摔倒了。
They're waiting.
他们在等待。
They're laughing.
他们在笑。
They're doing fine.
他们做得很好。
But damn it, Jake is right.
但该死的，杰克是对的。
The actor-mimic in me is able, for some reason, to connect with him and begin to ski like him, to emulate him.
出于某种原因，我体内的演员模仿者能够与他联系并开始像他一样滑雪，模仿他。
So my skis are more parallel.
所以我的滑雪板更加平行。
I'm getting up more speed.
我的速度越来越快了
In fact, I'm almost-- not crashing into him, but becoming one with him until I try to get back to myself and I crash because I don't know how to make the transition.
事实上，我几乎——不是撞上他，而是与他合而为一，直到我试图回到自己身边，但我撞了下去，因为我不知道如何进行转变。
But something's happening that is right.
但有些事情正在发生，这是正确的。
And Maggie is the provocateur.
玛吉是挑衅者。
She keeps passing over a snuffed out marijuana joint that she wants to re-light every time we're on the lift.
每次我们乘电梯时，她总是会路过一根已经熄灭的大麻，她想重新点燃它。
"Oh no, no, thanks.
“噢，不，不，谢谢。
Really, that stuff just makes me think.
真的，那些东西让我思考。
I don't-- Well, actually think is the word.
我不——嗯，实际上认为就是这个词。
I'd be a scholar if that was the case.
如果是这样的话我会成为一名学者。
It just makes me grind my gears, junk-head, around and around, garbage, nothing productive.
它只会让我磨磨我的齿轮，垃圾头，绕来绕去，垃圾，没有任何成效。
Really, I mean if I was dancing all night at a club or something, I'd take it.
真的，我的意思是，如果我在俱乐部或其他地方整夜跳舞，我会接受。
But--" "Oh," Maggie says, "really, Spalding, skiing is like dancing in the day.
但是——” “哦，”玛吉说，“说实话，斯伯丁，滑雪就像白天跳舞一样。
It's like dancing in the light.
就像在光中跳舞。
Don't say no. Just say maybe."
别说不。就说也许吧。”
So next time around, Maggie and I are alone on a double lift.
所以下次，玛吉和我单独乘坐双电梯。
And she just lights it and passes it over.
她只是点燃它并把它递过去。
And I don't think about it.
我不考虑这个。
I just go [INHALING SOUNDS].
我只是去[吸气]。
Pass it back.
把它传回来。
And I begin to think.
我开始思考。
I begin to think so hard that I don't get off the lift, and it goes around.
我开始苦思冥想，以至于我没有下电梯，事情就这样过去了。
They stop it.
他们阻止它。
I'm hanging up there.
我挂在那里。
He goes, "Hey, rock and roll.
他说：“嘿，摇滚乐。
Hey, man, having a good day?" They're helping me down, and the skis are falling off.
嘿，伙计，今天过得愉快吗？”他们正在帮我下来，滑雪板正在掉下来。
They are too big, I'm thinking.
我想，它们太大了。
And the marijuana is making them seem too big.
大麻让它们看起来太大了。
But I have to say, in defense of the hemp, it really does loosen up my hips.
但我不得不说，为了捍卫大麻，它确实放松了我的臀部。
Not that you're supposed to have loose hips when you're skiing, but boogie on down.
并不是说滑雪时臀部应该放松，而是要向下趴。
I'm skiing with Jake now, and I like that, this new male thing, because usually I always felt I had to talk to a guy.
我现在和杰克一起滑雪，我喜欢这个新的男性事物，因为通常我总是觉得我必须和一个男人说话。
We're just skiing together, and I'm up at the top of the mountain waiting for Martha and Maggie to come up.
我们只是一起滑雪，我在山顶等待玛莎和玛吉上来。
And Jake says, "I want to show you something." Oh, god no. He's going to try to teach me something.
杰克说：“我想给你看一些东西。”哦，上帝不。他会尝试教我一些东西。
Suddenly, I feel like a frozen banana.
突然，我感觉自己像一根冻香蕉。
"No," he says, "don't freeze up.
“不，”他说，“别冻坏了。
You're doing fine in your turns.
你轮流表现得很好。
But you know what?
但你知道吗？
After you turn, you're sliding down the mountain.
转身后，你就滑下山了。
You're sliding down the mountain because you're not edging.
你正在从山上滑下来，因为你没有走下去。
Just watch me for a minute.
看着我一分钟。
And I look over.
我看了看。
Oh, wow, I'm able to see it.
噢，哇，我能看到它。
I'm able to take it in.
我能把它带进去。
He rolls his skis in just slightly into the mountain and edges .
他将滑雪板稍微卷入山体和边缘。
And oh, yes, I'm behind him, and what a difference an edge makes.
哦，是的，我在他身后，优势带来了多大的不同。
We are skiing now down Ruthie's Run, a terrain that was so steep, I was simply crashing down it before.
我们现在正在 Ruthie's Run 滑雪，这里的地形非常陡峭，我之前简直是摔倒了。
And now, I am realizing that you have to be out of control to be in control.
现在，我意识到你必须失控才能控制。
For a second, you have to be falling down that fall line and then catch yourself.
有那么一瞬间，你必须从坠落线坠落，然后才能抓住自己。
And you have to have the leap of faith, and I never had faith in my life until that day.
你必须有信仰的飞跃，直到那天我才对自己的生活充满信心。
You've got to believe you're going to turn right in order to turn right, and it's a leap of faith and around.
为了右转，你必须相信自己会右转，这是信念的飞跃和转身。
Wow, I doubted everything until this moment.
哇，直到这一刻我才怀疑一切。
And a leap of faith, and I'm around.
信念的飞跃，我就在身边。
And I'm falling into the light.
而我正在坠入光明。
And I can feel the gravity pulling me, the earth, the mother.
我能感觉到重力在牵引着我、地球、母亲。
And leap of faith, and I'm around.
信念的飞跃，我就在身边。
And leap of faith, I'm around.
信念的飞跃，我就在身边。
And leap of faith, I'm around.
信念的飞跃，我就在身边。
And Maggie shoots behind me with stereo earphones on, yelling "Think of it as a white wall of death."
玛吉戴着立体声耳机在我身后射击，大喊“把它想象成一堵白色的死亡之墙。”
And I'm able to keep my balance in the face of this, and I know where she gets her kicks.
面对这种情况，我能够保持平衡，而且我知道她的弱点在哪里。
And I know she's hoping I'll do a monologue about this, and she will be in it.
我知道她希望我能就此做一个独白，她也会参与其中。
We have a wonderful afternoon.
我们度过了一个美好的下午。
It's timeless.
它是永恒的。
It's so energized.
真是太有活力了
It's so-- oh, it's so-- and they bid farewell.
就这样——哦，是这样——然后他们就告别了。
They say, "It's almost 4 o'clock.
他们说：“快四点了。
We've got to run the mountain.
我们得跑山。
You download." I said, "No, I want to ski down with you guys." "Spalding, you know what?
你下载吧。”我说，“不，我想和你们一起滑雪。”“斯伯丁，你知道吗？
It's really not safe.
确实不安全。
There's only one way down the mountain.
下山只有一条路。
At the end of the trail, it's Spa Gulch.
步道的尽头就是温泉峡谷。
And the locals refer to that often as the valley of the shadow of death.
当地人通常将其称为“死亡阴影之谷”。
It's icy.
天气很冷。
It's dark.
天黑了。
The shadow comes in.
影子进来了。
Maggie blew her ACL tendons out last year.
玛吉去年弄断了她的前十字韧带肌腱。
You could hear them pop up the gulch like hot spaghetti.
你可以听到它们像热意大利面条一样从峡谷中弹出。
You don't want to do it." "I do." "It's your choice."
你不想这么做。” “我愿意。” “这是你的选择。”
So I opt-- my plan is that I'm going to follow Martha, the blind ski instructor.
所以我选择——我的计划是跟随盲人滑雪教练玛莎。
I hadn't skied with her yet.
我还没有和她一起滑雪。
Ski instructor for the blind.
盲人滑雪教练。
She was like a sleek weasel, really, really, smooth, fast, confident.
她就像一只光滑的黄鼠狼，真的真的，光滑，快速，自信。
And I'm right behind her.
我就在她身后。
And what's exciting now is that we're running the whole mountain, so the rhythm starts to build.
现在令人兴奋的是我们正在跑整座山，所以节奏开始建立。
And before, we were just skiing around at the top.
之前，我们只是在山顶滑雪。
And we're starting down, and there's all this new terrain.
我们开始往下走，那里有所有这些新地形。
And then, as we get closer to Spa Gulch, I can see what they mean.
然后，当我们接近温泉峡谷时，我明白了他们的意思。
The conversion, it's like a LA freeway.
转换后，就像洛杉矶的高速公路一样。
All the trails are going into that one place.
所有的小路都通向那个地方。
And behind me, I can hear snowboarders shredding.
在我身后，我能听到滑雪者的撕碎声。
And all of a sudden, Martha goes straight up the edge of the gulch and hops around and comes down.
突然，玛莎径直爬上峡谷边缘，跳来跳去，然后下来。
And I'm behind her.
而我就在她身后。
I don't know who's doing this.
我不知道是谁在干这事。
Are the skis skiing me?
滑雪板在滑我吗？
And I go up, and all of a sudden, I see a cobalt blue sky, a new moon, and I'm around.
当我上升时，突然间，我看到钴蓝色的天空，一轮新月，我就在附近。
I see amber, bright sun on snow and dark shadow.
我看到琥珀色、雪地上明亮的阳光和黑暗的阴影。
And down and up and around, and down and up and around.
又下又上又绕，又下又上又绕。
And up and down and up.
还有上、下、上。
Pow, born out of the thighs of Ajax.
Pow，诞生于阿贾克斯的大腿上。
And Jake comes over and gives me a big high five, my first.
杰克走过来，给了我一个大大的五分，这是我的第一次。
And I say, "Thank you, thank you, thank you.
我说：“谢谢你，谢谢你，谢谢你。
Thank you for skiing with me today." And I bid them farewell and go in to turn my equipment into the rental place.
谢谢你们今天和我一起滑雪。”然后我就告别了他们，走进去把我的装备放到了租赁处。
And the guy says, "Hey, man, you should either be dead or in the hospital." I said, "What are you talking about?
那个人说：“嘿，伙计，你要么死了，要么住院。”我说：“你在说什么？
You hear I skied the gulch?" "No, you stole some lawyer's 195s at lunch.
你听说我在峡谷滑雪了？” “不，你在午餐时偷了一些律师的 195 手枪。
He had a $125 lesson he had to take.
他必须参加一堂价值 125 美元的课程。
He had to take on your stubby little 160s.
他必须挑战你那粗壮的160多岁的身材。
He's looking for you, man.
他正在找你，伙计。
I mean, you skied on the wrong bindings all afternoon.
我的意思是，你整个下午都在错误的固定器上滑雪。
It's a wonder you didn't break your leg.
你没摔断腿真是奇迹。
You're [BLEEP] blessed, man."
你[哔]有福了，伙计。”
And with his blessings, I felt initiated.
有了他的祝福，我感到受到了启发。
I skied Ajax, skied Spa Gulch and graduated in one day from 160s to 195.
我在阿贾克斯滑雪，在斯帕峡谷滑雪，一天之内就从 160 滑到了 195。
Spalding Gray, an excerpt from his monologue, It's a Slippery Slope .
斯伯丁·格雷，摘录自他的独白《这是一个滑坡》。
We recorded Spalding Gray at the world premiere of his monologue at the Goodman Theatre in Chicago.
我们在芝加哥古德曼剧院举行的斯伯丁·格雷独白全球首演中录制了他的录音。
Coming up, swimming lessons, shooting potatoes 450 feet in the air, instructions on how to have an affair, and more, in a minute, when our program continues.
接下来，当我们的节目继续进行时，游泳课、在 450 英尺高空射击土豆、如何发生外遇的说明等等。
It's This American Life .
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme and invite a variety of writers and performers to tackle that theme with monologues, short fiction, mini-documentaries, found tape, whatever they can think of.
当然，每周在我们的节目中，我们都会选择一个主题，并邀请各种作家和表演者通过独白、短篇小说、迷你纪录片、找到的磁带以及他们能想到的任何方式来解决这个主题。
Our theme today is Lessons.
我们今天的主题是教训。
We are at Act Two of our program, Swimming Lesson.
我们正在进行课程的第二幕：游泳课。
You know, some lessons-- I think the best classes-- always teach more than concrete skills.
你知道，有些课程——我认为最好的课程——总是教授的不仅仅是具体技能。
They help overcome fears.
它们有助于克服恐惧。
They change people in more profound ways.
他们以更深刻的方式改变人们。
This next story comes from Scott Carrier, who lives in Salt Lake City.
下一个故事来自住在盐湖城的斯科特·卡里尔。
My wife, Hillary, is a beautiful swimmer, relaxed, graceful.
我的妻子希拉里是一位美丽的游泳运动员，轻松、优雅。
She just sort of slimmers around on top of the water.
她只是在水面上变苗条了。
I didn't know this about her when I met her.
当我遇见她时，我并不知道她的这一点。
I knew she grew up on a lake in New Hampshire, but I'd never seen her swim until this summer when we spent a few weeks at the lake visiting her parents.
我知道她在新罕布什尔州的一个湖边长大，但我从来没有见过她游泳，直到今年夏天我们在湖边拜访了她的父母，在那里呆了几周。
She liked to swim at night, go far out in the darkness and then turn around and swim back to the light on her parents' house.
她喜欢在晚上游泳，在黑暗中游到很远的地方，然后转身游回父母家的灯火旁。
So this summer, we were there at the lake, and my wife and her mother decided it was time for our three and a half-year-old daughter to take swimming lessons.
所以今年夏天，我们在湖边，我的妻子和她的母亲决定是时候让我们三岁半的女儿去上游泳课了。
I said, "No, she's too young." And my wife said, "Mr. Switzer likes to start them at three and a half." I said, "Who's Mr. Switzer?" And my mother-in-law said, "He gives lessons in the pool next to his house.
我说：“不行，她太年轻了。”我的妻子说：“先生。斯威策喜欢在三岁半的时候开始上课。”我说，“斯威策先生是谁？”我婆婆说，“他在他家旁边的游泳池里上课。
It's a nice pool.
这是一个漂亮的游泳池。
He taught Hillary to swim.
他教希拉里游泳。
He taught all my kids to swim.
他教我所有的孩子游泳。
He went to Harvard and then coached at a private school with a good reputation." I said, "Oh, well, then of course." And my wife said, "Monday morning.
他去了哈佛，然后在一所享有良好声誉的私立学校当教练。”我说：“哦，好吧，那当然了。”我的妻子说：“周一早上。
We've already signed her up.
我们已经和她签约了。
You can come with us and see for yourself.
您可以和我们一起来亲自看看。
He's a good teacher."
他是一位好老师。”
So Monday morning, we drove to Al and Betsy Switzer's Aquatic School in Center Sandwich.
周一早上，我们开车去了艾尔和贝特西·斯威策 (Al and Betsy Switzer) 位于桑威奇中心 (Center Sandwich) 的水上运动学校。
The pool was dark blue, the color of glacial ice, 60 feet long and nearly ringed by mothers sitting in white, plastic lawn chairs.
泳池是深蓝色的，像冰川的颜色，长 60 英尺，几乎被坐在白色塑料草坪椅上的母亲们包围着。
There were about 18 kids in the pool, a couple of pretty college girls teaching the intermediate and advanced swimmers, and Mr. Switzer, deep tan, square jaw, big muscles, in the pool at the shallow end with the beginners, three boys and three girls hanging on to the edge, crying and shivering.
泳池里大约有18个孩子，几个漂亮的女大学生在教中级和高级游泳者，而斯威策先生，皮肤黝黑，方下巴，肌肉发达，在泳池浅水区，三个男孩和三个女孩挂在池边，哭着发抖，是初学者。
Or actually, it was just the three boys who were crying.
或者说，实际上只有三个男孩在哭。
One of them tried to climb out of the pool, and Mr. Switzer pulled him back in saying, "You stay there.
其中一人试图爬出泳池，斯威策先生把他拉了回来，说道：“你呆在那里。
You stay right there and don't move from that spot." That, of course, made the other two boys freak out even more, and one of them was crying for his mom to come get him.
你呆在那里，不要离开那个地方。”当然，这让另外两个男孩更加害怕，其中一个男孩哭着要他妈妈来接他。
And Mr. Switzer pointed to the mom and then pointed to the gate.
斯威策先生指着妈妈，然后指着大门。
And she popped right up and walked out.
她突然站了起来，走了出去。
Head down.
低下头。
Scott Carrier In the lesson, Mr. Switzer took the kids one by one and stood over them, moving their arms and legs through the water.
斯科特·卡里尔 (Scott Carrier) 在课程中，斯维策先生一一地带着孩子们，站在他们旁边，在水中移动他们的胳膊和腿。
He did this even to the kids who were nearly hysterical.
他甚至对那些近乎歇斯底里的孩子也这样做。
Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.
踢，踢，踢，踢，踢，踢，踢，踢。
Then he had them go under the water, keeping their eyes open to look and grab his fingers.
然后他让他们潜入水下，睁开眼睛观察并抓住他的手指。
Then he had them get out and walk over to the edge where the water was deeper.
然后他让他们出去，走到水更深的边缘。
They were all standing there shaking, holding their little hands over their little hearts.
他们都站在那里颤抖着，用他们的小手捂着他们的小心。
He was going to make them jump.
他要让他们跳起来。
Now listen, everybody, what you're going to do is you're going to jump to me, and I'm going to catch you.
现在听着，大家，你们要做的就是跳到我身边，我会抓住你们。
All right?
好吧？
I'm going to catch everybody.
我要抓住所有人。
Stand up, Alice.
站起来，爱丽丝。
First, he told my daughter to jump, and she did and just about landed on his head.
首先，他让我女儿跳，她跳了，差点就落在他的头上。
She was kind of screwing around and having too much fun.
她有点胡闹，玩得很开心。
Next, the other two girls, and they jumped pretty easily too.
接下来是另外两个女孩，她们也跳得很轻松。
But then, the boys, and the boys were afraid.
但后来，男孩们、男孩们都害怕了。
They were just little kids who hadn't learned to hide their fear, what looked like true fear, not some sudden fright caused by a bad dream or a monster movie, but scared, silly panic, their bodies quivering like jello, their faces filled with grief.
他们只是还没有学会隐藏恐惧的小孩子，看起来真正的恐惧，不是噩梦或怪物电影引起的突然惊吓，而是害怕、愚蠢的恐慌，他们的身体像果冻一样颤抖，脸上充满悲伤。
Ready.
准备好了。
I'll catch you.
我会抓住你的。
Come on.
来吧。
Go.
走吧。
Jump, jump.
跳，跳。
Go.
走吧。
Jump.
跳。
Come on.
来吧。
But they did it, or at least two of them summoned their courage, leaned into their fear, and jumped.
但他们做到了，或者至少有两个人鼓起勇气，陷入恐惧，跳了下去。
For them, it was as wild and as real as it gets.
对他们来说，这既疯狂又真实。
But the other little one just couldn't do it, so they pushed him.
但另一个小家伙就是做不到，所以他们推了他。
What did I tell you?
我告诉你什么了？
What did I tell you?
我告诉你什么了？
What did I tell you?
我告诉你什么了？
What did I say?
我说什么了？
I'd catch you.
我会抓住你的。
Yeah, and I said I'd catch you.
是的，我说过我会抓住你的。
Did I catch you?
我抓住你了吗？
After the lesson, I introduced myself to Mr. Switzer and asked him about his methods.
课后，我向Switzer先生做了自我介绍，并向他询问了他的方法。
As soon as we start working the arms with a three and a half-year-old, we're basically working with the arms the way we want them to work later on.
一旦我们开始对三岁半的孩子进行手臂训练，我们基本上就会按照我们希望他们以后的方式进行训练。
And you saw today, a couple of the real criers, they don't know what they're in for.
你今天看到了，有几个真正的哭者，他们不知道自己面临着什么。
But then they find I'm a good guy.
但后来他们发现我是个好人。
They find that if I say I'm going to catch them or I'm going to do something, I'm not going to fool them.
他们发现，如果我说我要抓住他们或者我要做什么，我不会愚弄他们。
See, the classes you're watching this afternoon, some of those Beginner One classes, by the end of this week, they'll all go off in the deep end.
看，你今天下午观看的课程，其中一些初级课程，到本周末，它们都会进入深渊。
And most of them will go off from the diving board, which is one meter up.
而且大部分都会从一米高的跳水板上起跳。
And they'll swim to the ladder.
他们会游到梯子上。
Now most of them will not have anywhere near perfect arm stroke.
现在他们中的大多数人都没有近乎完美的手臂划动。
Many of them will just kick to the ladder, but what that does is gives them-- with the head in the water again-- it gives them that confidence that if they should fall off a dock, they can look around underwater and kick or somehow get to the point of safety.
他们中的许多人只会踢到梯子，但这给了他们——头再次浸入水中——这给了他们信心，如果他们从码头上掉下来，他们可以在水下环顾四周并踢或以某种方式到达安全点。
The second day, there was less crying.
第二天，哭声少了。
And by the second week, things had calmed down to the point where I started paying attention to the intermediate and advanced swimmers, kids mainly 8 to 12 years old swimming laps, all practicing the same slow stroke, reaching far out ahead and pulling slowly back, relaxed, breathing rhythmically, relaxed.
到了第二周，事情已经平静下来，我开始关注中级和高级游泳者，主要是8到12岁的孩子，他们都练习同样的缓慢划水，向前伸得很远，慢慢向后拉，放松，有节奏地呼吸，放松。
They were learning to swim gracefully, gliding across the pool like schoolgirls walking with books on their heads.
她们正在学习优雅地游泳，在泳池里滑行，就像头上顶着书本走路的女学生一样。
They were all learning to swim exactly like my wife.
他们都像我妻子一样在学习游泳。
He was strict.
他很严格。
He was a strict teacher, but he's not mean.
他是一位严厉的老师，但并不刻薄。
I mean, he used to say things like, "If you don't relax your hand, I'm going to break it with a hammer." But you knew that he wasn't being mean.
我的意思是，他曾经说过这样的话：“如果你不放松你的手，我就会用锤子把它打碎。”但你知道他并没有恶意。
That's just what he would say.
他就是这么说的。
He has a sense of humor, and as a kid, you know that.
他很有幽默感，作为一个孩子，你就知道这一点。
I think probably the most important thing about his teaching is that he does expect you to do it.
我认为他的教学中最重要的一点可能是他确实希望你这么做。
And kids know what you expect of them.
孩子们知道您对他们的期望。
If you don't really expect them to listen to you, they know that.
如果你真的不希望他们听你的，他们也知道。
Steven, I want you to fly.
史蒂文，我希望你能飞。
I want you to fly.
我要你飞翔。
Are you ready?
你准备好了吗？
Fly.
飞吧。
Come on.
来吧。
Come on.
来吧。
The final part of the final lesson, Mr. Switzer took his beginning class to the diving board for them to jump and swim to the ladder.
最后一课的最后部分，Switzer 先生带着他的初学者来到跳水板上，让他们跳起来并游到梯子上。
[CRYING] I don't want to.
[哭泣]我不想。
Mr. Switzer You want to do this, don't you?
Switzer 先生您想这样做，不是吗？
This is the fun.
这就是乐趣所在。
You want to do this, don't you?
你想这样做，不是吗？
I don't want to.
我不想。
Mr. Switzer Colin, you want to do this, don't you?
Switzer Colin 先生，您想这样做，不是吗？
I don't want to.
我不想。
Mr. Switzer Ready, one, two, three, jump.
斯维策先生准备好了，一、二、三，跳。
And they all jumped, and they all swam.
他们都跳了，都游了。
And then it was over.
然后就结束了。
Now our daughter Alice has a card saying she's passed the Beginner One level at the Switzer Aquatic School.
现在，我们的女儿爱丽丝有一张卡片，上面写着她已经通过了瑞士水上运动学校的初级一级。
Next thing I know, she'll be swimming far out into the lake at night.
接下来我知道，她会在晚上游到很远的湖里。
This is Scott Carrier.
这是斯科特·开利。
Act Three, Shooting Lesson.
第三幕，射击课。
Well, my sister Randi has two kids, both boys.
嗯，我姐姐兰迪有两个孩子，都是男孩。
And she's the kind of mom who declared early on, no guns in the house.
她是那种很早就宣布家里没有枪的妈妈。
She thought it taught the wrong values.
她认为这教导了错误的价值观。
She's still your basic liberal soccer mom.
她仍然是你基本的自由派足球妈妈。
As long as that phrase has come up in our national debate, that's my sister, soccer mom.
只要这句话出现在我们的全国辩论中，那就是我的妹妹，足球妈妈。
But by the time each nephew, Ben and Sam, turned two years old, it became clear that the drive to play with guns, for whatever reason, was more powerful than one mom could stop.
但当两个侄子本和萨姆两岁的时候，很明显，无论出于何种原因，玩枪的冲动比任何一位母亲都无法阻止。
They would make guns out of anything.
他们会用任何东西制造枪。
They'd make guns out of sticks.
他们会用棍子制造枪。
They'd make guns out of crayons.
他们用蜡笔制作枪。
Once, we were having a spaghetti dinner, and I saw Benny make a gun out of a noodle.
有一次，我们正在吃意大利面晚餐，我看到本尼用面条做了一把枪。
He tried to shoot someone with a noodle.
他试图用面条射杀某人。
Boys and guns, boys and guns.
男孩和枪，男孩和枪。
Well, Kitty Felde is a reporter who's best known to public radio audiences for her coverage of the O.J.
凯蒂·费尔德 (Kitty Felde) 是一位记者，她因报道 O.J. 新闻而为公共广播电台观众所熟知。
Simpson trial, but not long ago, she headed out into the hills above Berkeley with her cousin's husband, a guy whose name is Jim Gray.
辛普森案的审判，但不久前，她和表弟的丈夫吉姆·格雷一起前往伯克利上方的山上。
And as you'd expect from a Berkeley area family, Jim Gray is the kind of liberal who would not go out with a big rifle on weekends shooting at game.
正如你对伯克利地区家庭的期望一样，吉姆·格雷是那种不会在周末带着大步枪出去打猎的自由主义者。
He's not killing little rabbits and squirrels and stuff to feed the family or anything.
他不会杀小兔子、松鼠之类的东西来养家糊口或其他什么。
He doesn't march on Washington to preserve our rights to assault weapons.
他向华盛顿进军并不是为了维护我们使用攻击性武器的权利。
He's not a member of the NRA.
他不是全国步枪协会的成员。
But even this liberal guy in liberal Berkeley, even he found a gun to love.
但即使是这个生活在自由派伯克利的自由派人士，他也找到了一把值得喜爱的枪。
And it turned out that it was a very particular kind of gun.
事实证明，这是一种非常特殊的枪。
It was a kind of gun that every time he showed it to another man, the reaction was always the same.
这是一种每次他拿给另一个人看时，反应总是一样的枪。
The guy always said, "I want one of those too." It was a potato gun.
那家伙总是说：“我也想要一个。”那是一把土豆枪。
In his front yard, overlooking sparsely populated hills, he gave Kitty a lesson in its operation.
在他的前院，俯瞰着人烟稀少的山丘，他给凯蒂上了一课如何操作。
Everybody in the neighborhood is making these?
附近的每个人都在做这些吗？
Everybody in the neighborhood.
邻居里的每个人。
This is my spud gun, a homemade spud gun made out of ABS sewer pipe.
这是我的马铃薯枪，一把用ABS下水管制成的自制马铃薯枪。
It's a piece of inch and a half ABS to a reducer that goes to a three inch ABS combustion chamber, female coupling and a male plug.
它是一块半英寸半的 ABS，连接到减速器，再连接到三英寸 ABS 燃烧室、母接头和公插头。
The propellant is hairspray, which is the amazing part.
推进剂是发胶，这是令人惊奇的部分。
We'll get to that in a minute.
我们稍后会讨论这个问题。
Now this is-- who thought this up?
现在这是谁想出来的？
It was shown to me actually by a guy who's almost quasi-militia.
实际上是由一个几乎是准民兵的人向我展示的。
His buddy showed it to him.
他的朋友向他展示了它。
They like to fire it at night for the blue flame.
他们喜欢在晚上点燃它以获得蓝色的火焰。
And I made one here.
我在这里做了一个。
And instantly, all my neighbors had to have one.
立刻，我所有的邻居都必须拥有一个。
My neighbor right next door built one.
我隔壁的邻居建了一个。
But anyway, it has potatoes as ammunition.
但无论如何，它有土豆作为弹药。
Cram the potato down the barrel It's actually a potato musket, also referred to as a potato cannon, but I call it the spud gun.
将土豆塞进枪管 这实际上是土豆步枪，也称为土豆大炮，但我称之为土豆枪。
Well, only that will fit in the inch and a half pipe.
嗯，只有这个适合一英寸半的管道。
You have to use a potato that's bigger than the inch and a half pipe so that you totally fill the pipe up.
你必须使用比一英寸半管子大的土豆，这样才能完全填满管子。
And now you're using this long dowelling.
现在你正在使用这个长销钉。
Yes, it's a ramrod, just as musket people use, pushing the wadding down into the barrel.
是的，它是一个推弹杆，就像人们使用火枪一样，将填料推入枪管。
The next step is three, one-second blasts of Aqua Net hairspray into the combustion chamber.
下一步是将 Aqua Net 发胶喷入燃烧室三次，每次一秒。
Quickly putting the male plug in.
快速插入公插头。
He's screwing on the end to this plastic piping device.
他正在拧紧这个塑料管道装置的末端。
Now watch this direction.
现在注意这个方向。
Kitty Felde Oh wait, this is going to be really loud, isn't it?
Kitty Felde 哦等等，这声音会很大，不是吗？
I've got to get back.
我得回去了。
This is too loud for my ears.
这对我的耳朵来说太大了。
This is a Coleman lantern igniter.
这是科尔曼灯笼点火器。
You spin the gnarled end, and you get a spark on the inside.
旋转粗糙的一端，内部就会产生火花。
Wait, I've got to back up.
等等，我得回去了。
OK.
好的。
Oh, and now the spud has taken a lovely arc, about 100 feet away, and has dropped behind the trees over there.
哦，现在马铃薯已经划出了一个可爱的弧线，距离大约 100 英尺，落在了那边的树后面。
And that is totally useless.
那是完全没用的。
We just wasted a potato.
我们只是浪费了一个土豆。
Now what are you doing?
现在你在做什么？
Jim Gray Well, I'm using the vice grips to unfasten--
吉姆·格雷 好吧，我正在用虎钳来松开——
It looks like a giant pair of pliers, about a three-inch wide end on the pair of pliers.
它看起来像一把巨大的钳子，钳子的一端大约有三英寸宽。
You're unscrewing the coupling?
你要拧开联轴器吗？
To reload.
重新加载。
It's a slow process.
这是一个缓慢的过程。
If you were being attacked by an army, you'd be dead by now.
如果你被军队攻击，你现在已经死了。
I would think the liability problems of having spuds landing in people's yards, perhaps on their bodies, would be a problem.
我认为马铃薯落在人们的院子里（也许落在他们的身上）的责任问题将是一个问题。
Yes, that's why we sort of do it secretly.
是的，这就是我们秘密进行的原因。
Oh, a good one, a good one actually.
噢，很好，实际上是很好。
I can't even see it.
我什至看不到它。
Jim Gray Yeah, that was about 450 feet, something like that.
Jim Gray 是的，大约有 450 英尺，差不多。
That was a long one.
那是一篇很长的文章。
So none of the neighbors have complained about this?
那么邻居们都没有抱怨过吗？
They've just asked, "How can I make one myself?"
他们只是问：“我怎样才能自己制作一个？”
That's pretty much been the-- usually, it's a guy thing.
这几乎是——通常，这是一个男人的事情。
It's a guy thing.
这是一个男人的事情。
And usually, I show it to the guys, and they instantly want me to either make one for them or show them how to make one.
通常，我把它展示给其他人，他们立即希望我为他们制作一个或向他们展示如何制作一个。
And I'd say there are at least half a dozen spud guns that have sprung from the original here.
我想说，这里至少有六把马铃薯枪是从原来的马铃薯枪衍生出来的。
The legality of the thing is a little bit questionable.
事情的合法性有点值得怀疑。
I've actually asked police, and the police wanted me to show them how to build one when I described it to them.
我实际上已经问过警察，当我向他们描述时，警察希望我向他们展示如何建造一个。
If I can just jump in here for a second.
如果我能在这里跳一会儿就好了。
So Kitty stands out there with her cousin's husband, and at some point a neighbor comes over.
于是基蒂和她表弟的丈夫站在那儿，在某个时候，一个邻居过来了。
And they get to talking about all the improvements they're making in the spud gun.
他们开始谈论他们对马铃薯枪所做的所有改进。
And as they talk, you start to realize the boy desire for gun and gun-ness is so powerful that these guys are gradually reinventing the gun.
当他们交谈时，你开始意识到男孩对枪和枪的渴望是如此强烈，以至于这些家伙正在逐渐重新发明枪。
They are slowly turning the spud gun into a real gun.
他们正在慢慢地将马铃薯枪变成真枪。
Well, as soon as I showed it to my neighbors, they decided to do design improvements.
好吧，当我把它展示给我的邻居时，他们决定进行设计改进。
They tried increasing the size of the combustion chamber.
他们尝试增加燃烧室的尺寸。
They tried decreasing the size of the combustion chamber.
他们尝试减小燃烧室的尺寸。
They tried putting a valve in so they could inject pure propane as opposed to the hair spray to get a more explosive mixture.
他们尝试安装一个阀门，这样他们就可以注入纯丙烷，而不是喷发胶，以获得更具爆炸性的混合物。
They tried different materials for the gun itself.
他们尝试了不同的枪材料。
And here comes Tom with a couple of version two with a longer barrel.
汤姆带来了两个带有更长枪管的版本。
Let's go talk to Tom.
我们去和汤姆谈谈吧。
Yeah.
是的。
We've decided that the longer barrels don't really make any difference.
我们认为更长的枪管并没有什么区别。
Both Jim and I have tried shooting next to each other.
吉姆和我都尝试过并肩拍摄。
Both have about the same range.
两者的范围大致相同。
We've also used propane as opposed to hairspray.
我们还使用丙烷而不是发胶。
That doesn't seem to matter either.
这似乎也并不重要。
Whoa, that had nice arc to it.
哇，那弧度很好。
Very nice arc.
非常漂亮的弧线。
I took it to job site, and the roofer was up on the roof, roofing.
我把它带到工作现场，屋顶工正在屋顶上，屋顶。
And I fired it off, kaboom.
我把它开掉了，咔嚓。
We were up on a hillside.
我们在一个山坡上。
It arced way out there, and the roofer poked his head over and said, "You've either got to make me one or show me how to make one."
它在外面呈弧形，屋顶工人探出头来说道：“你要么给我做一个，要么教我如何做一个。”
So is there a name for this loose-knit organization of spud gun owners?
那么这个由马铃薯枪拥有者组成的松散组织有名字吗？
Well, not yet.
嗯，还没有。
We're actually trying to avoid any-- we're hoping not to be considered a group.
我们实际上正在努力避免任何——我们希望不要被视为一个团体。
We don't want the attention of any law enforcement agencies that might track us down and consider us militia or some other weird--
我们不希望引起任何执法机构的注意，他们可能会追踪我们并认为我们是民兵或其他奇怪的人——
There is absolutely no unifying political.
绝对没有统一的政治。
No, this cuts across the spectrum from liberal to conservative, nothing unifying politically at all about these things.
不，这跨越了从自由派到保守派的范围，这些事情在政治上没有任何统一。
It's a guy thing.
这是一个男人的事情。
That's all there is.
仅此而已。
Kitty Felde.
基蒂·费尔德。
Act Four: Found Tape Ira Glass Act Four, Found Tape.
第四幕：发现胶带 Ira Glass 第四幕，发现胶带。
Well, our program today is about lessons.
嗯，我们今天的节目是关于课程的。
And when we turn to John Connors, a guy who helps us find music for our program, for songs, when we ask him for songs, he said that it turns out that there are lots of records that are lessons of various types.
当我们求助于约翰·康纳斯（John Connors），他帮助我们为我们的节目寻找音乐、歌曲时，当我们向他询问歌曲时，他说事实证明有很多唱片是各种类型的课程。
In fact, I've got a whole big bunch of them here that he gave us.
事实上，我这里有一大堆他给我们的。
Here's one on wine from a guy-- "How do I know which wine to serve at dinner, Mr. Seashell?
这是一个来自一个人的关于葡萄酒的文章——“贝壳先生，我怎么知道晚餐该喝哪种酒？
Which is a vintage wine, and what is the difference between vintage and non-vintage?" Well, this record right here answers the questions on that.
哪一种是年份酒，年份酒和非年份酒有什么区别？”嗯，这张记录就在这里回答了相关问题。
Here's Bazaar's "Secret formula for a beautiful new you."
这是芭莎的“美丽新你的秘密配方”。
But I have to say, the favorite of our little radio staff is one that defies all normal description.
但我不得不说，我们的小电台工作人员最喜欢的是一种无法用正常描述描述的东西。
Let's just go to it, shall we?
让我们开始吧，好吗？
Hello, I'm Helen Gurley Brown, and I wrote a book called Sex and the Single Girl.
大家好，我是海伦·格利·布朗，我写了一本书，名叫《性与单身女孩》。
I had so many things left over to say, not necessarily to single girls, but to married girls and men, that I'm putting some of them on this record.
我还有很多话要说，不一定是对单身女孩，而是对已婚女孩和男人，所以我将其中一些记录在案。
There's so much to cover, really, that I think we'll just move right along.
确实有太多的内容需要讨论，我想我们就继续吧。
Let's start with some advice to men on how to have an affair.
让我们首先向男人提供一些关于如何发生外遇的建议。
Now, I'm not for promiscuity, but I think it's ridiculous to pretend that it doesn't exist.
现在，我不赞成乱交，但我认为假装它不存在是荒谬的。
And I think there's far less hurt and more joy for everybody if certain rules are followed.
我认为，如果遵守某些规则，每个人都会受到更少的伤害，并获得更多的快乐。
The way not to have an affair start, in my opinion, you're a married man, is to run to the girl and say, "Honey, my wife's taken the kids to the country.
在我看来，不发生外遇的方法是，你是一个已婚男人，跑到女孩面前说：“亲爱的，我妻子带孩子们去了乡下。
The coast is clear for you and me." The fact that this is a convenient time for you has absolutely nothing to do with the situation, It certainly isn't any aphrodisiac.
海岸对你和我来说都是安全的。”事实上，这对你来说是一个方便的时间，这与情况完全无关，这当然不是什么春药。
It might even be more flattering to the girl if your wife were in town.
如果你的妻子在城里，那对女孩来说可能会更受宠若惊。
Another thought, on the first date, don't suggest that obscure little lobster house 50 miles up the coast, which you think is delightfully quaint.
另一个想法是，在第一次约会时，不要推荐位于海岸 50 英里处的不起眼的小龙虾屋，你认为那里非常古雅。
She knows what you're doing.
她知道你在做什么。
You're hiding her out.
你把她藏起来了。
In the beginning at least, be sure you go first class.
至少在一开始，一定要坐头等舱。
All right, let's say the affair is on.
好吧，假设事情已经开始了。
How do you keep her happy?
你如何让她开心？
Never assume the physical relationship is the all out rewarding thing for her that it for you.
永远不要认为肉体关系对她来说是最有回报的事情，对你来说也是如此。
It just isn't.
事实并非如此。
Even if she does enjoy your beautiful, bronzed body-- and you know she does-- this is America.
即使她确实喜欢你美丽的古铜色身体——你知道她喜欢——这就是美国。
She's a nice girl.
她是一个好女孩。
She's this product of what her mother and her grandmother told her, and they probably told her never to do what she's doing with you.
她是她母亲和祖母告诉她的产物，他们可能告诉她永远不要对你做她正在做的事情。
Also, her body needs to have a baby.
而且，她的身体也需要生孩子。
A lot of men offer her sex, not your superior brand of course, but what she'd really like to hear from somebody is an offer of marriage.
很多男人向她提供性服务，当然不是你的高级品牌，但她真正想听到的是有人向她求婚。
Presents take the pressure off, so do give them.
礼物可以减轻压力，所以一定要送礼物。
Money is a perfectly wonderful present.
金钱是一个完美的礼物。
You know, it isn't half as insulting as you'd like to think.
你知道，这并不像你想象的那么侮辱人。
A nice share of General Motors, or a US E bond, tucked in with a bottle of Arpage, really are very hard to take offense at.
一大笔通用汽车公司的股票，或者一张美国 E 债券，塞在一瓶 Arpage 里，真的很难让人生气。
Don't expect your girl to share your wish not to be seen or to keep the lipstick off your collar.
不要指望你的女孩会和你一样希望不被人看见，也不要指望你的衣领上不沾口红。
That's your responsibility.
这是你的责任。
Maybe it sounds perverse, but a girl may actually take a certain offbeat pride in being seen with somebody else's attractive husband.
也许这听起来很反常，但实际上，女孩可能会因被看到与别人有魅力的丈夫在一起而感到某种另类的自豪。
If you do run into friends of the family, don't try to burrow your way to China.
如果您确实遇到了家人的朋友，请不要试图潜入中国。
Just smile and be gracious and introduce everybody all around if you're trapped.
如果您被困住了，请微笑并保持礼貌并介绍周围的每个人。
No explanations and no apologies.
没有解释，也没有道歉。
Never drink up her booze without replacing it.
永远不要在没有更换的情况下喝完她的酒。
You really ought to bring a lot more than you consume.
你确实应该带的比你消耗的多得多。
Never, never, never let her spend her birthday alone, even if you have to lie your way into purgatory to get out of the house.
永远、永远、永远不要让她一个人过生日，即使你不得不撒谎进入炼狱才能离开家。
Never lie to her about little things.
永远不要在小事上对她撒谎。
The big lie you're living, that someday the two of you are going to be married, is going to be hard enough to explain when the time comes.
你所生活的弥天大谎，即有一天你们两个要结婚，到时候就很难解释了。
Be sure she can trust you in smaller matters.
确保她在小事上可以信任你。
Treat your girl with great dignity, like a princess.
像公主一样对待你的女孩，给予她极大的尊严。
Never, never cheat on her with anyone but your wife.
除了你的妻子之外，永远、永远不要对任何人欺骗她。
The record is called Lessons in Love , Helen Gurley Brown.
这张唱片的名字是Helen Gurley Brown的《Lessons in Love》。
Some of the other little sections on here, "How to love a man if you aren't pretty, black magic for non-glamour girls." "It works too," it says.
这里的其他一些小部分，“如果你不漂亮，如何爱一个男人，对于没有魅力的女孩来说是黑魔法。” “它也有效，”它说。
"Unfaithful wives' tales, how they out-cheat their unsuspecting mates." "How to love a boss, ways a girl can make herself invaluable, keeping him happy and her fire-proof." "How to talk to a man in bed." And let's see, "Little man, you'll have a busy day.
“不忠的妻子的故事，她们如何欺骗毫无戒心的伴侣。” “如何爱老板，女孩如何让自己变得无价，让他快乐，让她防火。” “如何在床上与男人交谈。”让我们看看，“小伙子，你会度过忙碌的一天。
You can be especially successful with women if you're short." And here's this one.
如果你身材矮小，你在女性方面会特别成功。”这是这个。
Now I want to talk about secretaries.
现在我想谈谈秘书。
A secretary offers the only kind of polygamy we recognize in this country, the chance to have a second wife at the same time you have your first one and not go to jail.
秘书提供了我们在这个国家承认的唯一一种一夫多妻制，即在拥有第一个妻子的同时拥有第二个妻子的机会，而且不会入狱。
If you select her carefully, she can be the loveliest of all fringe benefits.
如果你仔细选择她，她可能是所有附加福利中最可爱的一个。
And to think, the company pays for her.
想想看，公司为她付钱。
Turning your secretary into a girlfriend has one big advantage.
把你的秘书变成女朋友有一个很大的好处。
You know where she is most of the time.
你知道她大部分时间在哪里。
If that's what you want, then I suggest you just follow the preceding rules about getting any other girl to the brink and keeping her happy after she's there.
如果这就是你想要的，那么我建议你遵循前面的规则，将任何其他女孩带到悬崖边，并在她到达那里后让她开心。
However, I'm inclined to go along with the Broadway musical number that says a secretary is not a toy.
然而，我倾向于赞同百老汇音乐剧中所说的秘书不是玩具。
Why not let one of the other guys at the office hire the gorgeous girl for a secretary, and then you borrow her for whatever you had in mind.
为什么不让办公室里的其他人雇用一位漂亮的女孩作为秘书，然后你可以借用她来实现你想要的任何目的。
And that way, you can keep your own secretary to do more important things like running your life and bolstering your ego and protecting you and mothering you and covering for you and sending out for sandwiches.
这样，你就可以让自己的秘书去做更重要的事情，比如管理你的生活、增强你的自我意识、保护你、照顾你、为你掩护、派人去买三明治。
If the the girl who should be doing all that is a ravishing redhead that you're off your rocker about, you'll wind up doing those things for her.
如果应该做这一切的女孩是一个迷人的红发女孩，而你却对此感到疯狂，那么你最终会为她做这些事情。
Besides, all romances end, or they end in marriage, and you'd soon be out of a secretary again.
此外，所有的浪漫都会结束，或者以婚姻告终，你很快就会再次失去秘书的职位。
If you want to play it smart and have your secretary love you and stay with you a long, long time, then follow these rules.
如果你想让你的秘书爱你并长期陪伴你，那么请遵守以下规则。
Bring her presents from your trips, a baby--
给她带去你旅行中的礼物吧，宝贝——
All right, all right.
好吧，好吧。
Let's see.
让我们来看看。
Let's move on, shall we, in our little collection here?
让我们在我们这里的小收藏中继续前进，好吗？
We sincerely hope this record will be helpful in teaching your parakeet to talk.
我们真诚地希望这份记录对教您的长尾小鹦鹉说话有所帮助。
Remember that your bird is an imitator and learns to talk by listening to what you say, not only words and sounds, but inflections.
请记住，您的鸟儿是模仿者，它通过听您所说的话来学习说话，不仅是单词和声音，还包括语调变化。
Don't say, "Good morning." Say, [INFLECTING] "Good morning."
不要说“早上好”。说，[影响]“早上好。”
The beautiful thing about this particular record is that it is so much more than just practical how-to.
这张特别记录的美妙之处在于它不仅仅是实用的操作方法。
It doesn't just give you the important advice like, be diligent, pick a time every day to speak to your bird, make sure you're not trying to talk to your bird when he's eating, drinking or playing.
它不仅仅为您提供重要的建议，例如，要勤奋，每天选择一个时间与您的鸟儿说话，确保您在鸟儿吃东西、喝水或玩耍时不要试图与它说话。
It encourages you.
它鼓励你。
It tells you how to take the right tone.
它告诉您如何采取正确的语气。
And then it offers proof.
然后它提供了证据。
There are people who still doubt that a parakeet can actually talk.
有些人仍然怀疑长尾小鹦鹉是否真的会说话。
So we have recorded here the voice of one Chicago parakeet conversing with his owner.
因此，我们在这里录制了一只芝加哥长尾小鹦鹉与主人交谈的声音。
He is six years old and has a 400-word vocabulary.
他今年六岁，词汇量有 400 个。
[PARAKEET CHIRPING] Woman Narrator Hello, everybody.
[鹦鹉鸣叫] 女旁白 大家好。
Hello, everybody.
大家好。
Woman Narrator What is your name?
女旁白 你叫什么名字？
Peter.
彼得.
Peter talk.
彼得说话。
Woman Narrator Where do you live, darling?
女旁白 亲爱的，你住在哪里？
I think you're wonderful.
我觉得你很棒。
Do you want some breakfast?
你想吃点早餐吗？
Yes, sir.
是的，先生。
Ira Glass It's really just amazing what they can get animals to do today.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：今天他们能让动物做的事情真是令人惊奇。
Well, that's from our little collection.
嗯，这是我们的小收藏。
Well, our program was produced today by Peter Clowney and myself, with Alix Spiegel and Nancy Updike.
好吧，我们今天的节目是由彼得·克劳尼和我本人以及阿利克斯·斯皮格尔和南希·厄普代克制作的。
Contributing editors Paul Tough, Jack Hitt, and the fabulous Margy Rochlin.
特约编辑 Paul Tough、Jack Hitt 和出色的 Margy Rochlin。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] Production help from Jorge Just, Julie Snyder, [?
[致谢] Jorge Just、Julie Snyder 的制作帮助，[？
Amy Takahara, ?] Sylvia Lemus, Todd Bachmann, and Consigliere Sarah Vowell.
艾米·高原，？]西尔维娅·莱穆斯、托德·巴赫曼和顾问莎拉·沃威尔。
To buy a cassette of this program, call us here at WBEZ in Chicago, 312-832-3380.
要购买该节目的磁带，请致电芝加哥的 WBEZ，电话：312-832-3380。
Well, you know you can listen to most of our programs for free on the internet at www.thislife.org.
好吧，您知道您可以在互联网上免费收听我们的大部分节目：www.thislife.org。
Thanks to Elizabeth Meister, who runs the site.
感谢该网站的运营者伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister)。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Mr. Torey Malatia, who recorded this at a recent staff meeting.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 先生监督，他在最近的一次员工会议上记录了这一点。
I don't want to.
我不想。
Mr. Switzer You want to do this.
Switzer 先生您想这样做。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week, if we have the courage, with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass），如果我们有勇气的话，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。