398: Long Shot - This American Life
You are using an outdated browser.
您正在使用过时的浏览器。
Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience.
请升级您的浏览器或激活 Google Chrome 浏览器内嵌框架以改善您的体验。
Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #398 | July 6, 2012 398: Long Shot Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 398 集 | 2012 年 7 月 6 日 398：远景 注意：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life, distributed by Public Radio International.
序言 Ira Glass 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥，这就是美国生活，由国际公共广播电台发行。
It was like taking kids out to the jungles of Vietnam and dropping them off, knowing they were going to be shot at.
这就像带着孩子们去越南的丛林然后把他们送走，因为他们知道他们会被枪杀。
It was as if winning was a foreign thing to them.
胜利对于他们来说似乎是一件陌生的事情。
It's as if it had been bred into them that they could never, ever win.
就好像他们已经被灌输了这样的观念：他们永远、永远不可能获胜。
What we're talking about here is football-- high school football.
我们在这里谈论的是足球——高中橄榄球。
After two seasons, this fall Leo Paur stepped down as head coach of the team at Carbon High School, a couple hours outside Salt Lake City.
两个赛季结束后，今年秋天，利奥·保尔 (Leo Paur) 辞去了卡本高中 (Carbon High School) 球队主教练的职务，该高中距离盐湖城只有几个小时的路程。
They have the longest losing streak in the state of Utah.
他们是犹他州最长的连败纪录。
25 games, nearly three full years of losses.
25场比赛，近三年的亏损。
This year they scored only three touchdowns.
今年他们只取得了 3 次达阵。
Last year half the team quit during the season.
去年，一半的球队在赛季期间退出了。
The team's so bad they're mocked in the hallways of their own school.
这支球队太糟糕了，他们在自己学校的走廊里受到嘲笑。
Yeah.
是的。
We're definitely-- we got a joke every day, every day in class.
我们确实——我们每天、每天在课堂上都会听到一个笑话。
Yeah.
是的。
We're not, like, looked upon.
我们没有被人看不起。
We're more like--
我们更像是——
Laughed about.
笑了一下。
Ira Glass Running back Andrew Salazar, linebacker Damien Olson, and defensive guard Max Meisner have all played on the team three years.
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 跑卫安德鲁·萨拉查 (Andrew Salazar)、线卫达米安·奥尔森 (Damien Olson) 和防守后卫马克斯·迈斯纳 (Max Meisner) 都曾在球队效力三年。
That is, they've all been there on the worst team in the state though this entire losing streak.
也就是说，尽管整个连败，他们都是该州最差的球队。
There's a lot of kids out there that think it's funny to make fun of the team instead of support us.
有很多孩子认为取笑球队而不是支持我们很有趣。
Yeah, they tease us.
是的，他们取笑我们。
Ira Glass They tease you, what do they say?
Ira Glass 他们取笑你，他们说什么？
Just joking around against our rivals and saying, like, how many points are you going to beat us by and stuff.
只是和我们的对手开玩笑，说，比如，你能以多少分击败我们之类的。
Why do you guys even try, because you're going to lose, no matter what you do.
你们为什么还要尝试，因为无论你做什么，你都会失败。
Makes you kind of feel like an outcast.
让你感觉自己像个被遗弃的人。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Just because you get picked on.
只因为你被欺负了。
Just so I have a sense of what they were like to watch on the field, tell me about some of their worst moments.
为了让我了解他们在场上的表现，请告诉我一些他们最糟糕的时刻。
Tell me about a particularly bad player, bad moment that you remember.
告诉我一个你记得的特别糟糕的球员、糟糕的时刻。
Last year against [?
去年反对[?
Althemont ?] School.
阿尔特蒙特？]学校。
Much smaller than Carbon.
比碳小得多。
We would punt the ball.
我们会踢球。
The wind took it naturally.
风自然地接受了它。
it landed behind my punter.
它落在我的下注者后面。
I mean, we lost yardage on a punt.
我的意思是，我们在弃踢时损失了码数。
Against Juan Diego last year, we had played ten minutes.
去年对阵胡安迭戈，我们只打了十分钟。
And Juan Diego, who were the state champions that year, had not scored against us.
当年的州冠军胡安迭戈在对阵我们的比赛中没有进球。
That was a great time.
那是一段美好的时光。
And my brother, who was helping me coach at the time, came up and said, this would be the first time we've gone an entire quarter without being scored on.
当时帮助我执教的哥哥走过来说，这将是我们第一次整个季度都没有得分。
And I said, well, there's two minutes left.
我说，好吧，还剩两分钟。
They went and they scored four touchdowns in two minutes.
他们在两分钟内取得了四次达阵。
It was very disheartening.
这非常令人沮丧。
Four?
四个？
Leo Paur Four.
利奥·保尔四号。
Yep.
是的。
Two offensive and two intersections.
两次进攻和两次交叉。
Ran back.
跑回来了。
So I told my brother not to open his mouth again when that happens.
所以我就告诉弟弟，遇到这种情况就不要再开口了。
The real question when you're down this far is, how to keep getting up and going out there, game after game?
当你陷入困境时，真正的问题是，如何在一场又一场的比赛中继续站起来并继续上场？
What do you say to yourself?
你对自己说什么？
How do you keep going?
你如何继续前进？
How do you keep a team going?
你如何让团队继续前进？
For Coach Paur, the answer could not be more straightforward.
对于保尔教练来说，答案再简单不过了。
I always, always had to make them believe the they could win.
我总是、总是必须让他们相信他们能够获胜。
It was hard.
这很难。
Especially after two years of losing every game.
尤其是在连续两年输掉所有比赛之后。
But yeah.
但是是的。
I had to make them believe that miracles do happen.
我必须让他们相信奇迹确实会发生。
That the movies you watch where the young man or the young woman overcomes all of the odds, that that is possible.
你所观看的电影中，年轻男人或年轻女人克服了所有困难，这是可能的。
Even though it's a long shot.
尽管这是一个长远的目标。
Wouldn't it be better, I asked the coach, in a game where the team is totally outmatched, to set a goal that they could actually make?
我问教练，在一场球队完全处于劣势的比赛中，设定一个他们实际上可以实现的目标不是更好吗？
Like let's just get one touchdown on the board in the first half.
就像我们在上半场就取得一次达阵一样。
Something like that.
类似的事情。
That made no sense to him at all.
这对他来说完全没有意义。
You have to believe you'll win, he said.
他说，你必须相信你会赢。
And teams do come from behind.
球队确实后来居上。
Impossible miracle victories happen.
不可能的奇迹胜利就会发生。
Like remember last year's Kentucky Derby?
还记得去年的肯塔基德比吗？
The horse that won was such a long shot that the Sports Illustrated writer assigned to the race never even bothered to find out about him before the race.
这匹马获胜的可能性如此之大，以至于《体育画报》的撰稿人在赛前甚至都懒得去了解它。
He'd lost 31 of his previous 32 races.
他在之前的 32 场比赛中输掉了 31 场。
At 50 to 1 odd, he was the longest long shot ever to win the Derby in over a century.
他以 50 比 1 的赔率，成为一个多世纪以来赢得德比的最远距离获胜者。
Newsday published a preview of the race where it told this horse to just stay in the barn.
《新闻日报》发布了比赛的预览，其中告诉这匹马留在谷仓里。
As the field turns for home, top of the stretch, it's still Join In The Dance with a tenuous lead--
当球场转向主场时，在最后时刻，“加入舞蹈”队仍以微弱的领先优势——
If you watch this race on YouTube-- and you should, it's incredible-- the horse that's going to win is called Mine That Bird.
如果你在 YouTube 上观看这场比赛——你应该观看，这太不可思议了——即将获胜的马叫“我的那只鸟”。
And he is so far behind that halfway through the race, you see all the other horses-- they're in a pack-- and then this huge empty space, and then way behind that space is Mine That Bird.
在比赛进行到一半时，他远远落后于其他马匹——它们都成群结队——然后是一片巨大的空地，而在那个空地后面就是“我的那只鸟”。
Then he picks up speed, he catches up to the pack, and it's not until the final stretch that he passes every other horse and gets out in front.
然后他加快了速度，追上了马群，直到最后一段路程，他才超越了其他所有的马，取得了领先。
It all happens so fast that the announcer doesn't even have time to say his name until it's nearly over.
这一切发生得太快了，播音员甚至没有时间说出自己的名字，直到比赛快结束了。
Mine That Bird now comes out to take the lead as they come down to the finish.
现在，我的那只鸟在他们到达终点时占据领先地位。
And it's spectacular!
而且非常壮观！
Spectacular upset!
壮观的心烦意乱！
Mine That Bird has won the Kentucky Derby, that impossible result here!
我的那只鸟赢得了肯塔基德比，这是不可能的结果！
That's how he did it.
他就是这么做的。
The jockey, Calvin Borel, said, I road him like a good horse.
骑师卡尔文·博雷尔 (Calvin Borel) 说：“我像一匹好马一样驾驭他。”
Coach Paur believes in that, too.
保尔教练也相信这一点。
Well, that is very applicable.
嗯，这非常适用。
You have to make the kids believe that they can win.
你必须让孩子们相信他们能赢。
So when you do that, and you tell the team that they can win, and then they lose, is the disappointment worse, because they had--?
因此，当你这样做时，你告诉团队他们可以赢，然后他们输了，失望是否更严重，因为他们——？
Absolutely not.
绝对不是。
I mean, what should I tell them?
我的意思是，我应该告诉他们什么？
Look, go out and do a good job losing?
你看，出去好好干输吧？
Go on out, lose, and then you'll feel happier when the game's over?
继续出去，输了，然后当比赛结束时你会感到更快乐？
Absolutely not.
绝对不是。
I'd never do that.
我永远不会那样做。
I'd be a fool to do it.
我要是这么做的话就是个傻瓜。
It works so well, Couch Paur even convinces himself.
它的效果非常好，Couch Paur 甚至说服了自己。
At the start of his second season he told a reporter, quote, "This is going to be an outrageous thing for me to say, and I'm really cautious, because we lost every game by an average of 37 points last year, and the year before that we only won two games, and the year before that, I don't even know that they won any games.
在他的第二个赛季开始时，他告诉记者，“这对我来说是一件令人难以容忍的事情，而且我真的很谨慎，因为去年我们每场比赛平均输掉37分，而前年我们只赢了两场比赛，而前年，我什至不知道他们赢了任何比赛。
But I think I can contend for the region championship.
但我认为我可以争夺地区冠军。
I really do."
我真的愿意。”
Yep.
是的。
I said that.
我这么说。
I believed it at the time.
我当时就信了。
Would you go into each game thinking, like, OK, this could be the one where we would turn it around?
你会在每场比赛中思考，好吧，这可能是我们扭转局面的一场比赛吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Max Meisner Yeah, I've always thought that.
马克斯·迈斯纳 是的，我一直这么认为。
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass And did you guys have in your head this fantasy of, like, here's what it would be, like, if you would win a game, and here's what would happen?
Ira Glass：你们脑子里是否有这样的幻想，比如，如果你们赢了一场比赛，就会发生这样的事情，这会发生什么？
Every day, every day.
每一天，每一天。
Max Meisner I actually had one about ALA, when we went into the half.
Max Meisner 当我们进入半场时，我实际上有一个关于 ALA 的想法。
Going into halftime against ALA, Carbon was having their best game of the season.
在对阵 ALA 的半场结束时，Carbon 打出了他们本赛季最好的一场比赛。
They were just one touchdown behind.
他们仅落后一次达阵。
You know, I pictured it, you know, we're going to come out fired up, and we're just going to kick the ball, and we'll go down there and stop them, probably cause a fumble down there at our, like, 20, and I'm running it in, you know?
你知道，我想象过，你知道，我们会兴奋地出来，我们会踢球，然后我们会去那里阻止他们，可能会在我们20号那里造成掉球，然后我会跑进去，你知道吗？
And then kicking it off again, and stopping them, forcing a punt.
然后再次开球，阻止他们，迫使他们下注。
Throwing a nice long ball to somebody down in the end zone, and give a 30 yard pass for a touchdown, and then we'd be up, so then we'd go for two, and we'd get it, and then we'd just keep increasing the points like that.
向达阵区的某个人扔出漂亮的长传球，然后传出 30 码的传球达阵，然后我们就上升，然后我们就去两次，然后我们就得到了它，然后我们就这样不断增加分数。
I've always pictured, like, the students walking in the halls, you know, patting you on the back, being like hey, you know, nice win.
我总是想象，就像，学生们走在大厅里，你知道，拍拍你的背，就像嘿，你知道，很棒的胜利。
Yeah, good game.
是啊，好游戏。
Max Meisner Saying good job, you know, or whatever.
马克斯·梅斯纳说干得好，你知道，或者其他什么。
Today on our show, stories of long shots.
今天在我们的节目中，讲述远景的故事。
We have two stories where somebody is up against very bad odds.
我们有两个故事，其中有人面临着非常糟糕的困难。
And each of these stories raises the question, are you really better off believing that you're the miracle team who's going to come out from behind, that you're going to defy all predictions, that you are Mind That Bird?
这些故事中的每一个都提出了一个问题，如果你相信自己是一支会从后面脱颖而出的奇迹团队，相信自己会挑战所有的预测，相信自己是“介意那只鸟”，那么你真的会更好吗？
Act one is about somebody battling the biggest state in the country and its governor.
第一幕讲述的是某人与该国最大的州及其州长的战斗。
Act two is about somebody battling a house and his own father, which in a certain way is a lot harder.
第二幕讲述的是一个人与房子和他自己的父亲作斗争，这在某种程度上要困难得多。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Most places, if you're serving a life sentence with the possibility for parole, you go before a parole board.
在大多数地方，如果您正在服无期徒刑并有可能假释，您就会去假释委员会。
And if they find you suitable for release, that's it.
如果他们发现你适合释放，那就这样了。
You get out.
你出去吧。
But there are three states, California, Maryland, and Oklahoma, where there is one more step.
但加利福尼亚州、马里兰州和俄克拉荷马州这三个州还多了一步。
The governor in those three states gets a chance to look at the parole board's decision and, if he or she wants, overturn it.
这三个州的州长有机会审视假释委员会的决定，如果他或她愿意，可以推翻该决定。
In all three states, over the years, this has evolved to the point where very few prisoners actually get released.
多年来，在这三个州，这种情况已经发展到很少有囚犯真正被释放的地步。
No governor wants some ex-con that he's let out commit another crime that's going to get blamed on him.
没有哪位州长希望某个有前科的人在被释放后犯下另一桩罪行，而这又会被归咎于他。
As a result, in California's prisons, the lifer population has jumped from 4,800 back in the 1980s, when governors started viewing these cases, to 31,000 this year.
结果，在加州监狱中，无期徒刑人数从 20 世纪 80 年代州长开始审查这些案件时的 4,800 人猛增到今年的 31,000 人。
Nancy Mullane has been following a dozen California prisoners to see what happens when the governor reviews their cases.
南希·穆兰（Nancy Mullane）一直在跟踪十几名加州囚犯，看看州长审查他们的案件时会发生什么。
She has this story of one of those man who finds out that he's eligible for parole, and then even though he knows the odds are against him, he kind of has to believe that he has a shot.
她讲述了这样一个故事：其中一名男子发现自己有资格获得假释，尽管他知道自己的机会不大，但他还是不得不相信自己还有机会。
He finds it hard not to get excited for something that will probably never happen.
他发现很难不为可能永远不会发生的事情感到兴奋。
Here's Nancy.
这是南希。
I met Don Cronk inside San Quentin State Prison.
我在圣昆廷州立监狱遇见了唐·克朗克。
He was serving 25 years to life with the possibility of parole for first degree murder.
他因一级谋杀罪被判 25 年至无期徒刑，并有可能假释。
By the time I met him, Don had been in prison for 27 years, and had already gone before the parole board six times.
当我见到 Don 时，Don 已经入狱 27 年了，并且已经六次到假释委员会去。
Each time the board turned him down and declared that he was unsuitable for parole because of the seriousness of his crime.
每次委员会都会拒绝他，并宣布他因罪行严重而不适合假释。
The commissioners even commended him for his accomplishments and his perfect record in prison, but they denied him parole.
委员们甚至赞扬了他的成就和他在狱中的完美记录，但拒绝了他的假释。
That was until his seventh parole hearing.
直到他第七次假释听证会为止。
OK, Commissioner Eng, we're back on record.
好的，Eng 专员，我们回到记录中。
This is tape from Don's parole board hearing.
这是唐假释委员会听证会的录音带。
On November 18, 2007, the commissioners found Don suitable for parole.
2007年11月18日，委员会认定唐适合假释。
Don Cronk was stunned.
唐·克朗克惊呆了。
Don Cronk That's right where they usually say "not suitable." And when she said it so quickly, I didn't hear that she said "suitable." And she's reading on and on, and no indication in it.
唐·克朗克（Don Cronk）：这就是他们通常说的“不适合”。而且她说得这么快，我都没听出她说“适合”。她一直在读，但里面没有任何迹象。
So I looked at my attorney to see if-- you know, I expected to look at him and he'd have thumbs up and smiling, and he was flabbergasted.
所以我看着我的律师，想看看他是否会竖起大拇指微笑，结果他大吃一惊。
And so I couldn't get any indication from him what she said.
所以我无法从他那里得到任何关于她说了什么的信息。
And so she went on to read for several minutes.
于是她继续读了几分钟。
And then when she got done with that part, she went on to speak about my suitability and what was going to happen next.
当她完成那部分后，她继续谈论我的适合性以及接下来会发生什么。
And that's when it hit me, and I just broke down.
就在那时，它击中了我，我崩溃了。
I just sobbed.
我只是抽泣。
The officers got me a box of Kleenex.
警察给了我一盒面巾纸。
You know, for almost 27 years, I've been waiting for this.
你知道，我等这一刻已经等了将近27年了。
And it's kind of unbelievable.
这有点令人难以置信。
So I was in shock, essentially.
所以我本质上很震惊。
I didn't really hear anything else she said.
我真的没有听到她还说了什么。
And then it was over, and I was leaving.
然后事情就结束了，我要离开了。
I was walking out the door.
我正走出门。
Almost a free man.
几乎是一个自由人。
The operative word here being "almost." In California, after the parole board recommends for release, there's a 120 day period.
这里的关键词是“几乎”。在加利福尼亚州，假释委员会建议释放后，有 120 天的期限。
During that time, the parole board staff in the state capital verifies everything in the inmate's record, their behavior while they've been in prison, and where they would work and life if they get out on parole.
在此期间，州首府的假释委员会工作人员会核实囚犯记录中的所有内容、他们在监狱期间的行为，以及假释出狱后他们将在哪里工作和生活。
On the 121st day, their file goes to the governor's desk.
第 121 天，他们的档案被送到了州长的办公桌上。
The governor then has 30 days to either approve or overturn the board's recommendation.
然后州长有 30 天的时间批准或推翻委员会的建议。
For Don, that meant he would learn his fate on April 11, 2008.
对于唐来说，这意味着他将在 2008 年 4 月 11 日得知自己的命运。
It was hard to get a read on Don's chances.
很难了解唐的机会。
On the one hand, he'd been the very definition of a model prisoner.
一方面，他是模范囚犯的典范。
He'd taken college classes and earned an associate's degree.
他参加了大学课程并获得了副学士学位。
He was enrolled in a program to become a certified drug and alcohol abuse counselor.
他参加了一个计划，成为一名经过认证的药物和酒精滥用顾问。
He worked in the chapel and didn't have any writeups from violence or bad behavior, and he had a positive psychiatric report.
他在教堂工作，没有任何关于暴力或不良行为的记录，而且他有一份积极的精神病报告。
Even one writeup for smoking a cigarette just one time in three decades can keep you from getting parole in California.
即使是一篇关于三十年来只吸一次烟的文章也会让你无法在加州获得假释。
On the other hand, the statistics we're not on Don's side, and he knew it, Of the 6,000 lifers that go before the parole board each year, Don was one of only 3%, about 200 prisoners, found suitable for parole.
另一方面，根据统计数据，我们并不站在唐一边，他也知道这一点，在每年前往假释委员会的 6,000 名无期徒刑犯中，唐是仅有 3%（大约 200 名）被认为适合假释的囚犯之一。
Of those 200, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger would reverse 75% of the parole board decisions.
在这 200 名假释委员会中，州长阿诺·施瓦辛格将推翻 75% 的假释委员会决定。
So in the end, only 50 prisoners a year would actually be released.
所以最终，每年实际上只有 50 名囚犯被释放。
Schwarzenegger's predecessor, Governor Gray Davis, was even more severe.
施瓦辛格的前任州长格雷·戴维斯的态度更加严厉。
He overturned 99% of all paroles recommended by the board.
他推翻了委员会建议的 99% 的假释。
Don had seen other lifers who had been found suitable by the parole board, guys whose records were as clean as his, get their hopes up only to have their parole denied on the last day by the governor.
唐见过其他被假释委员会认为适合的无期徒刑犯，他们的记录和他一样干净，他们满怀希望，但在最后一天却被州长拒绝了假释。
I recorded this next conversation inside San Quentin in early January, two months after the parole board found him suitable to be released.
我在一月初在圣昆廷录制了下一段对话，当时是假释委员会认为他适合被释放两个月后。
Don's a white guy in his earl 50s, neatly kept with a close-cropped beard, receding hairline, and wire-rimmed glasses.
唐是一位五十多岁的白人，留着整齐的胡须，发际线后移，戴着金属丝框眼镜。
I'm fully aware that the governor, you know, this doesn't mean I'm going in April.
我完全知道州长，你知道，这并不意味着我会在四月去。
And I'm aware of that.
我知道这一点。
And so you, again, it's kind of like going to the hearings.
所以你，这有点像参加听证会。
You keep that hope, you keep that prayer, but you temper it with reality.
你保留那个希望，你保留那个祈祷，但你用现实来调和它。
You look at the statistics, and they're not good.
你看看统计数据，结果并不好。
They're not good.
他们不好。
And so you're trying to balance all that, and then carry on your normal routine, your normal life.
所以你要努力平衡这一切，然后继续你正常的例行公事，你正常的生活。
The first maybe even two weeks, it hadn't even sunk in.
最初的两周，甚至还没有完全融入其中。
But I'd be in my cell now, and I'd be watching television, and I wouldn't be having a thought about it, really.
但我现在会在牢房里看电视，我不会去想这件事，真的。
And then I'd see something, and it would trigger that, and it was almost like I was given a shock.
然后我会看到一些东西，它会触发它，这几乎就像我受到了震惊。
And I was like, oh.
我当时想，哦。
I could be doing that.
我可以这样做。
I could be doing that soon.
我很快就会这么做。
Does it make it any more difficult to be incarcerated once you know somebody's found you suitable?
一旦您知道有人认为您合适，入狱是否会变得更加困难？
What I've noticed, the biggest thing I've noticed is, and it was almost like turning on a light-- I've become intolerant now.
我注意到的，我注意到的最重要的事情是，这几乎就像打开一盏灯一样——我现在变得无法容忍。
For some reason, the meals I've been eating for all these years, and the noise, and the smell, and the lines, and all that-- suddenly, I've just become aware that this is crap.
出于某种原因，这些年来我吃的饭菜、噪音、气味、排队，以及所有这些——突然间，我意识到这都是垃圾。
This is no way to-- how in the hell have I been doing this all these years?
这不可能——这些年来我到底是怎么做到这一点的？
Some of the things that happen in prison is just mean or ridiculous, doesn't make sense.
监狱里发生的一些事情只是卑鄙或荒谬的，没有意义。
Terrible.
糟糕的。
It's terrible.
太可怕了。
I don't know how I've lived like this.
我不知道我是怎么活成这样的。
And it's not over yet.
事情还没有结束。
I understand that if the governor denies me, it's not personal.
我知道如果州长否认我，那不是针对我个人的。
He doesn't know me.
他不认识我。
He himself isn't saying, well, that Don Cronk, I'm not letting him go.
他本人并没有说，唐·克朗克，我不会让他走。
It's not.
它不是。
I'm just a number and a statistics on a piece of paper.
我只是一张纸上的数字和统计数据。
And whatever the political wind is that day, I'm either denying him or I'm letting him go.
无论那天的政治风向如何，我要么否认他，要么让他走。
That's really it.
确实如此。
And even if it's a denial, he doesn't know.
即使否认，他也不知道。
It's, I'm a life inmate.
是的，我是一个终身囚犯。
I committed a murder.
我犯了谋杀罪。
We're either releasing him today, or we're not.
我们今天要么释放他，要么不释放。
The governor assesses each of these cases individually.
州长对每个案例进行单独评估。
This is Justice Peter Siggins.
我是彼得·西金斯法官。
He was Governor Schwarzenegger's legal affairs secretary from 2003 three to 2005, and he counseled the governor on hundreds of these parole decisions.
2003 年至 2005 年期间，他曾三次担任施瓦辛格州长的法律事务秘书，并就数百项假释决定向州长提供了咨询。
I ran past him Don's theory that these decisions have nothing to do with the merits of the cases, that they're political decisions.
我向他询问了唐的理论，即这些决定与案件的是非曲直无关，它们是政治决定。
When I was legal affairs secretary, and people used to say to me, well, the governor is responding politically, and you are being political about a decision to keep a prisoner in prison-- part of a governor's job is to be responsive to the constituents who elected him.
当我担任法律事务部长时，人们常常对我说，州长是在政治上回应，而你对将囚犯关进监狱的决定是政治性的——州长工作的一部分就是对选举他的选民做出回应。
The fact that the governor thinks a lot of people would be upset if this person got out of prison-- it is a governor paying attention to the preference of a large constituency of California.
事实上，州长认为如果这个人出狱，很多人都会感到不安——这是一位州长在关注加州大部分选区的偏好。
And that's what governors do.
这就是州长所做的。
We generally did parole consideration matters every couple of weeks.
我们通常每两周处理一次假释考虑事宜。
I'd meet with him once every couple of weeks for that purpose.
为此，我每隔几周会见他一次。
And a typical calendar would be anywhere between 12 and 20 cases at each sitting.
典型的日历每次会议会处理 12 到 20 个案件。
And he and I would sit down and discuss every case, yes.
是的，他和我会坐下来讨论每一个案例。
I can say that I don't think Governor Schwarzenegger, and certainly I didn't, I don't think we entered upon the responsibility with a predetermined inclination to go one way or the other with these decisions.
我可以说，我不认为施瓦辛格州长，当然我也没有，我不认为我们在承担责任时就带着预定的倾向去做出这些决定。
The governor was given the power to overturn parole board decisions in 1988 by California voters.
1988 年，加州选民赋予州长推翻假释委员会决定的权力。
It was the same year as the Willy Horton controversy, where the governor of Massachusetts, Michael Dukakis, was blamed for a convicted murderer getting out of prison on a furlough program and committing assault, armed robbery, and rape.
同年，威利·霍顿事件引发争议，马萨诸塞州州长迈克尔·杜卡基斯因一名被定罪的杀人犯在休假计划中出狱并实施袭击、武装抢劫和强奸而受到指责。
California's law was intended to hold the governor accountable in this kind of high profile case.
加州的法律旨在让州长对这种备受瞩目的案件承担责任。
It later became a constitutional amendment, though no one knew how often the governor would reverse a parole order.
它后来成为一项宪法修正案，尽管没有人知道州长多久会撤销假释令。
I don't know that anybody gave that much thought, seriously.
我不知道有人认真考虑过这么多。
I don't remember a huge concern over the passage of the law at the time.
我不记得当时对这项法律的通过有什么巨大的担忧。
Jeanne Woodford worked at San Quentin when the law went into effect, and became warden of the prison in 1999.
该法律生效后，珍妮·伍德福德 (Jeanne Woodford) 在圣昆廷监狱工作，并于 1999 年成为监狱长。
In 2004, Governor Schwarzenegger made her the head of the California prison system, which she did for two years.
2004年，施瓦辛格州长任命她为加州监狱系统负责人，并担任了两年。
You know, I don't know that inmates believed, or even practitioners believed, that the governor would reject as many cases as they did when it initially passed.
你知道，我不知道囚犯们是否相信，甚至学员是否相信，州长会像最初通过时那样拒绝那么多案件。
I remember some concern, but still people believing that there would be a fair process.
我记得有些担心，但人们仍然相信会有一个公平的过程。
It just didn't turn out that way.
但事实并非如此。
It ended up where governors were turning down just every case.
最终州长们拒绝了所有案件。
Woodford agrees with the prisoners on this issue.
伍德福德在这个问题上同意囚犯的观点。
She thinks the governor should listen to his parole board.
她认为州长应该听取假释委员会的意见。
It costs the state over $100 million a year for the parole board to thoroughly review each case, and it finds very few lifers suitable for release.
假释委员会每年要花费州政府超过 1 亿美元来彻底审查每个案件，而且发现适合释放的无期徒刑人员很少。
So should we be afraid of Don Cronk?
那么我们应该害怕唐·克朗克吗？
How bad was his crime?
他的罪行有多严重？
In 1980, Don was 25 years old, and a pretty normal guy.
1980年，唐25岁，是一个很正常的人。
He was living in Sacramento and working as a service manager in a furniture store.
他住在萨克拉门托，在一家家具店担任服务经理。
What I did-- I was a young man and I was introduced to cocaine.
我所做的——我是一个年轻人，有人向我介绍了可卡因。
And I liked it a lot.
我非常喜欢它。
I liked it a real lot.
我非常喜欢它。
Now, I say that because I had tried almost every other kind of drug.
现在，我这么说是因为我几乎尝试过所有其他药物。
I'm allergic to marijuana.
我对大麻过敏。
I don't like alcohol.
我不喜欢喝酒。
I'll drink it, a few beers, but I do not like that drunk feeling.
我会喝它，几瓶啤酒，但我不喜欢那种醉酒的感觉。
Crank is too intense.
曲柄太猛烈。
Heroin makes you sick.
海洛因会让你生病。
LSD is a recreational thing once in a while when you were a kid going to concerts with Mickey Mouse ears.
当你还是个孩子的时候，当你带着米老鼠的耳朵去听音乐会时，LSD 是一种偶尔的消遣。
Other than that, I didn't really have any fascination with addiction, so I thought I was fine.
除此之外，我对成瘾并没有真正的兴趣，所以我认为我很好。
When I was introduced to cocaine, I instantly fell in love with it.
当我接触可卡因时，我立刻就爱上了它。
And, because at that time, cocaine was very expensive, and guess who was doing it the most?
而且，因为当时可卡因非常昂贵，猜猜谁吸得最多？
Wealthy people.
有钱人。
So I associated it with the Porsches and the people like my boss, millionaires, doctors.
所以我把它与保时捷和我的老板、百万富翁、医生等人联系在一起。
That's who was doing it.
就是那个人干的。
And so I thought, this is great.
所以我想，这太棒了。
Then I was told it wasn't addicting.
然后我被告知它不会上瘾。
Then I started dealing it, and getting deeper away from the beautiful people into the ugly people.
然后我开始处理它，从美丽的人越来越远离丑陋的人。
And I met some associates, like-minded.
我还认识了一些志同道合的同事。
Two of them were ex-felons.
其中两人有前科。
I wasn't an ex-felon.
我不是前重罪犯。
But they were charismatic.
但他们很有魅力。
They were just not bad guys, really.
他们真的不是坏人。
Long story short, we ended up using more than we were selling.
长话短说，我们最终使用的数量超过了销售的数量。
Now we owe the connections and the dealers.
现在我们欠关系人和经销商。
And that's not good.
那不好。
And so my new found friends had done armed robberies in the past, and so hey, we could do some robberies.
所以我的新朋友过去曾进行过武装抢劫，所以嘿，我们可以进行一些抢劫。
So we did a couple robberies.
所以我们做了几次抢劫。
And no one was hurt.
没有人受伤。
We got some money and all that.
我们得到了一些钱等等。
And then the night of the crime that I'm here for, it was to be a robbery.
然后我来这里是为了犯罪的那天晚上，这是一起抢劫。
And we had some inside information, there would be a lot of money and jewels.
我们有一些内幕消息，会有很多钱和珠宝。
And long story short is, we were going to this man's home.
长话短说，我们要去这个人的家。
Wait for him.
等他。
He would come in.
他会进来的。
We'd tie him up, take his briefcase and the money and leave.
我们把他绑起来，拿走他的公文包和钱然后离开。
We had the masks, we had the tape, we had the whole nine yards.
我们有面具，我们有胶带，我们有整个九码。
Well, we were going to have the element of surprise and surprised him as he came in.
好吧，我们本来打算给他带来惊喜，当他进来时让他感到惊讶。
But it didn't work that way.
但事实并非如此。
He got in, and when I walked out of the kitchen and saw Mr. Allen standing in the open door, my mind was going, how the hell did he get in here?
他进来了，当我走出厨房，看到艾伦先生站在敞开的门里时，我的心在想，他到底是怎么进来的？
Because we had a warning system that was supposed to give us the alert so we could hide and get in position.
因为我们有一个警告系统，应该向我们发出警报，以便我们可以隐藏并就位。
He's standing there, and while my mind is like-- I'm shot.
他站在那里，而我的脑海里却是——我中枪了。
It was that he emptied the gun that quickly.
就是他这么快就把枪打空了。
And next thing I know, I'm on the floor.
接下来我知道，我就躺在地板上了。
I'm in the corner.
我在角落里。
And I reached in my pocket, and shot right through my coat.
我把手伸进口袋，直接射穿了我的外套。
He died instantly.
他当场就死了。
Unbelievable.
难以置信。
I couldn't do that again.
我不能再这样做了。
I couldn't re-enact that.
我无法重现这一点。
Seconds.
秒。
it all took place in a few seconds.
这一切都发生在几秒钟之内。
And you can't undo it.
而且你无法撤消它。
It's just horrible, addicted thinking, immature thinking, selfish thinking, greedy thinking.
这只是可怕的、上瘾的想法、不成熟的想法、自私的想法、贪婪的想法。
Nobody else mattered but us.
除了我们，其他人都不重要。
But was the intent or in my mind to murder somebody?
但我的意图或想法是谋杀某人吗？
No. Even in that state, I wouldn't have willfully or deliberately gone that far.
不，即使在那种状态下，我也不会故意或故意走那么远。
And so it's just a horribly unfortunate turn of events that I'm responsible for.
所以这只是我要负责的一个非常不幸的事件。
I caused it.
是我造成的。
I'd love to have the governor's ear for 20 minutes.
我很想听听州长 20 分钟的讲话。
I really think if he sat down across from me and we could just talk, and he could question me, and he could see the change-- you know, they look at us on paper, black and white.
我真的认为，如果他坐在我对面，我们可以谈谈，他可以提问我，他可以看到变化——你知道，他们在纸上看我们，黑白的。
Well, it's just like reading the newspaper.
嗯，就像读报纸一样。
You wake up this morning, you look at the news, and there was a crime committed.
你今天早上醒来，看到新闻，发现发生了一起犯罪事件。
Oh, a shooting in Oakland, someone died.
哦，奥克兰发生枪击事件，有人死亡。
And it may tell about it, and you think, oh, that's horrible.
它可能会讲述这件事，你会想，哦，那太可怕了。
That's terrible.
太可怕了。
They ought to catch that guy and put him away.
他们应该抓住那个家伙并把他带走。
Well, that's what my newspaper read 27 years ago, but today they're reading it and it's just like it just happened.
嗯，这就是我的报纸 27 年前读到的内容，但今天他们读到它，就像刚刚发生过一样。
Oh, this guy did that thing.
哦，这个人做了那件事。
Oh, he shouldn't be released.
哦，他不应该被释放。
But it was 27 years ago.
但那是27年前的事了。
I've paid.
我已经付钱了。
I've done all I can.
我已经尽力了。
I can't change those facts.
我无法改变这些事实。
As the 150 days of review pass and Don gets closer to his April 11 date, his anxiety grows.
随着 150 天的审查期过去，Don 距离 4 月 11 日的日期越来越近，他的焦虑也随之增加。
He tells me he has hallucination-like dreams where he wakes in the middle of the night to the sound of a phone ringing, imagining it's the phone call telling him he's been approved for release.
他告诉我，他做了类似幻觉的梦，半夜被电话铃声吵醒，想象这是电话告诉他他已被批准释放。
He sees it as just another sign from the universe that he's getting out.
他认为这只是宇宙发出的又一个迹象，表明他要出去了。
He tries relaxation and breathing techniques to fight the constant tension.
他尝试放松和呼吸技巧来对抗持续的紧张。
Throughout all of this, Don's main support is his girlfriend, Kathleen.
在这一切过程中，唐的主要支持者是他的女朋友凯瑟琳。
We started out as friends, and it evolved into a deeper, deeper, deeper relationship.
我们一开始是朋友，后来发展成了越来越深的关系。
Kathleen met Don 18 years ago while visiting a friend in San Quentin.
18 年前，凯瑟琳在圣昆廷拜访一位朋友时认识了唐。
Since then, her continuous presence in Don's life actually strengthens Don's case as a candidate for parole.
从那时起，她不断出现在唐的生活中实际上加强了唐作为假释候选人的理由。
The review process takes into account stable relationships, and Kathleen has even written a letter to Governor Schwarzenegger on Don's behalf to show he has a place to live and emotional support if paroled
审查过程考虑到了稳定的关系，凯瑟琳甚至代表唐给施瓦辛格州长写了一封信，表明他在假释后有住所和情感支持
Like everyone in Don's life' Kathleen knows the odds are against the governor letting him out.
就像唐生活中的每个人一样，凯瑟琳知道州长放他出去的可能性不大。
But she can't stop herself from imagining what his first week on the outside would be like.
但她无法阻止自己想象他在外面的第一周会是什么样子。
I'm going to have a bunch of food.
我要去吃一大堆食物。
I'm going to ask him many questions.
我要问他很多问题。
I'm saying, dinner's ready, whatever.
我是说，晚饭已经准备好了，随便吧。
You know?
你知道？
Did you have a particular thing you want to eat fine?
你有什么特别想吃的东西吗？
Otherwise-- in other words, I think he's going to be so overwhelmed that I'm not really giving-- I'm not asking him what do you want to eat, or what do you want to do.
否则——换句话说，我认为他会不知所措，以至于我不会真正给予——我不会问他你想吃什么，或者你想做什么。
I'm just telling him.
我只是告诉他。
That way it's one less thing that he has to do.
这样他就少了一件要做的事。
He's going to be overwhelmed enough.
他已经够不知所措的了。
I'm going to say-- you know, it's like somebody's on rote.
我要说的是——你知道，这就像有人死记硬背一样。
I'm going to say, OK, no. You sit here.
我会说，好吧，不。你坐在这里。
Come on.
快点。
We're having this.
我们正在吃这个。
And then as he calms down and gets used to everything, then he can say, you know, I really want some barbecued chicken.
然后当他平静下来并习惯一切时，他就可以说，你知道，我真的很想要一些烤鸡。
Great!
伟大的！
On Don's 149th day of waiting, the day before the governor issues his decision about Don's parole, I visit Don in the chapel.
在唐等待的第 149 天，也就是州长就唐假释做出决定的前一天，我去教堂探望了唐。
He's visibly excited and nervous.
看得出来他既兴奋又紧张。
27 plus years of prison could be just over with the signing of a pen.
签字笔一签，27年多的牢狱生活就结束了。
Just like that.
就这样。
So you go from here, and they just-- now you're there.
所以你从这里走，他们就——现在你就在那里。
That quick.
这么快。
You know, there was like a 12 year period when no one was going.
你知道，有大约 12 年的时间没有人去。
No one was going.
没有人去。
Didn't matter who you were, what you were.
你是谁、你是什么并不重要。
But now this last, I'd say, 18 months, almost every guy I know is gone.
但现在，我想说，18 个月了，几乎所有我认识的人都走了。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I'm spiritual.
我是有灵性的。
I believe God's hand has been on all this.
我相信这一切都是上帝之手。
And this is, I don't know.
这是，我不知道。
This is, I think it's going to happen.
我认为这将会发生。
I just think it's going to happen.
我只是认为这将会发生。
It's just this sense that I'm going to go.
正是这种感觉让我要去。
And we'll find out tomorrow.
我们明天就会知道。
The next day, Friday, April 11, 2008, I drive to San Quentin.
第二天，2008 年 4 月 11 日星期五，我开车前往圣昆廷。
An assistant to the warden, Lieutenant Sam Robinson, is the one who gets the faxes from the governor's office, and he's the one who delivers the news to the prisoners, good or bad.
典狱长的助手萨姆·罗宾逊中尉负责从州长办公室获取传真，并将消息传递给囚犯，无论好坏。
He's waiting for me in the warden's office, and I notice some papers turned face-down on his desk.
他在典狱长办公室等我，我注意到他桌上有一些文件面朝下。
How you doing?
你好吗？
You want to know or you want to be surprised?
您想知道还是想感到惊讶？
Oh my God.
我的天啊。
You got it.
你明白了。
Did it just come?
是刚来的吗？
Mmhm.
嗯。
About an hour ago we received the notification from the warden in regards to Mr. Cronk's board parole hearing in which the board granted him parole.
大约一个小时前，我们收到了典狱长关于克朗克先生的董事会假释听证会的通知，董事会在听证会上批准了他的假释。
The governor has reversed the board's decision, and at this time we'll be going inside and delivering the news to Mr. Cronk.
州长已经推翻了董事会的决定，此时我们将进去并将消息传递给克朗克先生。
God.
上帝。
I don't know.
我不知道。
My face is not a good face.
我的脸不是一张好脸。
I don't lie well.
我撒谎不好。
I know.
我知道。
That's why I was saying.
这就是我这么说的原因。
Do you want me to let you know, or?
你想让我通知你吗？
Well, first just your voice sounded a little optimistic, and I thought maybe, maybe.
嗯，首先你的声音听起来有点乐观，我想也许，也许。
that there was something in the tone of your voice.
你的语气里有什么东西。
Think they're all listening and waiting?
你认为他们都在倾听并等待吗？
Yeah.
是的。
The guys were calling me earlier today saying, hey, you heard any word on Cronk?
今天早些时候，这些人打电话给我说，嘿，你听到有关克朗克的消息了吗？
You know, with the hope that one of their brethren is going home.
你知道，他们希望他们的一位弟兄能够回家。
We're walking down to 371 North, which is Mr. Cronk's cell.
我们正步行到北 371 号，这是克朗克先生的牢房。
How are you?
你好吗？
Don Cronk Well, I don't know.
唐·克朗克：嗯，我不知道。
I've been sick to my stomach all day.
我一整天都胃不舒服。
Well, here's the word.
嗯，这就是这个词。
Don Cronk I can tell because it's too thick.
唐·克朗克 我能看出来，因为它太厚了。
I can tell because it's too thick, he says.
“我能看出来，因为它太厚了，”他说。
If he were to be released, Lieutenant Robinson would just be holding one sheet of paper, not a half dozen, like he is.
如果罗宾逊中尉被释放，他只会拿着一张纸，而不是像他那样拿着六张纸。
Yeah.
是的。
What can you do, you know?
你能做什么，你知道吗？
But I thank you for coming by.
但我感谢你的到来。
Nancy, how are you?
南希，你好吗？
Nancy Mullane I'm all right.
南希·穆兰 我很好。
How are you?
你好吗？
I'm disappointed.
我很失望。
Very disappointed.
非常失望。
But what are you going to do.
但你要做什么。
You know?
你知道？
It's just been-- if I'd have found out early this morning it would have been-- but we've just been all but throwing up all day.
只是——如果我今天一早就发现的话那就是——但我们一整天都快吐了。
You know?
你知道？
And the later it got, the worse they knew the news was, so.
越晚，他们知道消息就越糟糕，所以。
But it's been, I'm exhausted.
但事情已经过去了，我已经筋疲力尽了。
I'm drained.
我已经筋疲力尽了。
And I just got to shut down for a minute.
我只需关闭一分钟。
I just want to be left alone, you know?
我只想一个人呆着，你知道吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah, I really just want to be left alone.
是的，我真的只是想一个人呆着。
A week later, I ask to go back inside San Quentin to see how Don is doing.
一周后，我要求回到圣昆汀，看看唐的情况如何。
He no longer looks like a man about to be free.
他看起来不再像一个即将获得自由的人。
He looks like a man in prison.
他看起来就像一个在监狱里的人。
He's gray, deflated.
他脸色灰白，精神萎靡。
He tells me he can't believe how high he let his hopes get in the last few weeks against his better judgment.
他告诉我，他简直不敢相信，在过去的几周里，他对自己的期望竟然如此之高，而这与他更好的判断背道而驰。
I was feeling almost giddy.
我几乎感到头晕。
Like, hey, this may really happen.
就像，嘿，这可能真的会发生。
This could really-- it should happen.
这真的可以——它应该发生。
You know?
你知道？
There's no reason why it shouldn't happen.
没有理由不发生这种情况。
You know.
你知道。
Then you add the governor.
然后你添加州长。
It's his last go-around.
这是他最后一次复飞。
The state's in budget crisis.
该州陷入预算危机。
You know, overcrowding, the Feds are knocking on the door.
你知道，人满为患，美联储正在敲门。
I mean, you look at all these elements and you think, you'd be a fool not to let a guy go that the board's saying go!
我的意思是，当你看到所有这些因素后，你会想，如果你不按照董事会的要求让一个人走，那你就是个傻瓜！
You know, save them 40 grand a year, or whatever.
你知道，每年为他们节省 40 英镑，或者其他什么。
But so I talked myself into it, that I was going home.
但我说服自己，我要回家。
I knew better.
我更清楚。
But I set myself probably the last three weeks.
但我给自己设定的大概是最后三周。
I wanted to believe it that I felt that I was going to go.
我想相信我感觉我要去。
And then Kathleen.
然后是凯瑟琳。
You know, I just-- my main concern was her.
你知道，我只是——我主要关心的是她。
And so even though, like, she wanted to go buy things and get things prepared and ready, I would always say, well, you know, maybe we shouldn't do that yet.
因此，即使她想去买东西并准备好东西，我总是会说，好吧，你知道，也许我们还不应该这样做。
Let's wait and see.
让我们拭目以待。
You know, the odds are way against me.
你知道，情况对我来说非常不利。
So she didn't go too far out there.
所以她并没有去太远的地方。
But in her heart, of course, she was already seeing the next day, you know, in our future.
但当然，在她心里，她已经看到了第二天，你知道，我们的未来。
But when we were able to get together and see each other-- I called the visiting room and I told the visiting room officer what had happened.
但当我们能够聚在一起并见面时——我给探视室打电话，告诉探视室官员发生了什么事。
I had said, you know, listen, by the way, I was denied parole by the governor.
我说过，你知道，听着，顺便说一句，州长拒绝了我的假释。
And I said, look.
我说，看。
If Kathleen comes, if she breaks down, or if I break down, if we're crying or if she's a little clingy for a few minutes, there's nothing wrong.
如果凯瑟琳来了，如果她崩溃了，或者如果我崩溃了，如果我们哭了，或者如果她有几分钟粘人，那就没有问题。
It's just this news.
只是这个消息而已。
And sure enough, when Kathleen came, as soon as she got in, as soon as I took her in my arms, she just, I had to hold her up.
果然，当凯瑟琳来的时候，她一进来，我一把她抱在怀里，她就，我不得不扶她起来。
She just broke.
她刚刚崩溃了。
She just sobbed.
她只是抽泣。
But I really thought that was a kind act.
但我真的认为这是一种善意的行为。
They could've said, well, we don't care.
他们本可以说，好吧，我们不在乎。
The rules are the rules and you get two seconds and that's it.
规则就是规则，你只有两秒钟的时间，仅此而已。
Don says that back in 1984, when he first got to San Quentin, he could barely hold it together.
Don 说，1984 年，当他第一次来到圣昆廷时，他几乎无法平静下来。
San Quentin, he says, was like Vietnam back then.
他说，圣昆廷就像当时的越南。
It was violent, with stabbings and shotguns going off all the time, and he didn't see how he'd last.
一切都很暴力，刺伤和猎枪一直在响，他不知道自己能坚持多久。
But emotionally, he says, this year was harder.
但他说，从情感上来说，今年更加困难。
it wasn't easy for him to get and keep a perfect disciplinary record, never to have one fight, or even one incident, in 27 years.
他能获得并保持完美的纪律记录，27年来从未打过架，甚至没有发生过一起事件，这对他来说并不容易。
He followed the rules.
他遵守规则。
He did everything they said he should.
他做了他们说他应该做的一切。
Why put him through the charade of doing that, he asked?
他问，为什么要让他这么做？
Why put him in front of a parole board over and over, having them examine his record, if this is where it leads?
如果这就是结果的话，为什么要一次又一次把他放在假释委员会面前，让他们检查他的记录呢？
Why have the board?
为什么要有董事会？
Why have those experts trained in law enforcement and all different sectors put their best effort forward?
为什么那些接受过执法培训的专家和各个部门都竭尽全力？
They don't grant parole often.
他们不经常批准假释。
So for them to do so, this must be an exceptional case.
所以对于他们来说，这一定是一个特例。
And then the governor takes it and denies it.
然后州长接受并否认。
So what's the point?
那么有什么意义呢？
You know?
你知道？
Well, then, what was all that about?
那么，那到底是怎么回事呢？
Why don't we just go to the governor?
我们为什么不去找州长呢？
Normally for lifers like Don, the next step is simply to wait, go before the parole board again, and hope for a better outcome the next time.
通常，对于像唐这样的无期徒刑犯来说，下一步就是等待，再次去假释委员会，并希望下次有更好的结果。
But Don got amazingly lucky.
但唐却非常幸运。
In August 2008, the California Supreme Court ruled in favor of another lifer, Sandra Lawrence, saying that the governor could not deny parole to someone simply because his or her original crime was so terrible.
2008年8月，加州最高法院做出了有利于另一位无期徒刑犯桑德拉·劳伦斯(Sandra Lawrence)的裁决，称州长不能仅仅因为某人原罪太严重而拒绝假释。
Life with the possibility of parole, the court said, means exactly that.
法院表示，有假释可能的生活正是这个意思。
There has to be a real possibility for parole if a prisoner can show he or she has been rehabilitated.
如果囚犯能够证明他或她已经改过自新，那么他或她就一定有真正的假释可能性。
Don's case was like Sandra Lawrence's.
唐的情况与桑德拉·劳伦斯的情况类似。
The governor had written that he was reversing Don's parole because of the seriousness of his crime.
州长写信称，由于唐罪行严重，他将撤销他的假释。
In January of 2009, Don was brought to a courthouse in Sacramento, the county of his original crime, where a superior court judge said his case was exactly like the Lawrence case.
2009 年 1 月，唐被带到他最初犯罪的县萨克拉门托的一家法院，那里的一名高级法院法官表示，他的案子与劳伦斯案一模一样。
She read the law and said, "This man fits this perfectly." And then the attorney general just said, the woman, Heather Heckler's her name, and she just started to make a case, and she just said, "We don't have anything."
她读完法律后说：“这个人非常适合这个。”然后司法部长就说，那个女人，希瑟·赫克勒是她的名字，她刚刚开始立案，她只是说，“我们什么都没有。”
The attorney general admitted, had to admit to her, we don't have anything.
总检察长承认，不得不向她承认，我们什么都没有。
The governor had nothing and we don't have anything either.
州长一无所有，我们也一无所有。
And the judge said, well, why are we here then?
法官说，那我们为什么在这里？
Because we just disagree with Lawrence.
因为我们不同意劳伦斯的观点。
And she goes, so you're here because you disagree with current law.
她走了，所以你来这里是因为你不同意现行法律。
And she said, yes.
她说，是的。
The judge said, well, I'd like to close this hearing.
法官说，好吧，我想结束这次听证会。
It was over!
一切都结束了！
It was over.
一切都结束了。
And we won.
我们赢了。
Three months later, April 13, 2009, a year and two days after the governor reversed the parole board decision, Don was released from San Quentin.
三个月后，即 2009 年 4 月 13 日，即州长推翻假释委员会决定一年零两天后，唐被从圣昆廷释放。
In January 2010, Don's been out for eight months.
2010 年 1 月，唐已经缺席八个月了。
He and Kathleen are living together and seem happy.
他和凯瑟琳住在一起，看起来很幸福。
He was doing construction work at a mausoleum near San Quentin and his commute every day took him over the Richmond-San Rafael bridge.
他当时正在圣昆廷附近的一座陵墓进行建筑工作，每天通勤都要经过里士满-圣拉斐尔大桥。
At a certain point at the top of the arched bridge, he could see the prison where he lived more than half of his life.
在拱桥顶端的某一处，他可以看到他生活了大半辈子的监狱。
It was always emotional.
总是很情绪化。
"My family in there," he told me one day when we took the drive together.
“我的家人在那里，”有一天我们一起开车时他告诉我。
"They're still in there."
“他们还在里面。”
Nancy Mullane.
南希·穆兰。
She's writing a book called Life After Murder and putting together a two-hour radio documentary on other lifers in Don's situation.
她正在写一本名为《谋杀后的生活》的书，并制作一部两小时的广播纪录片，讲述其他与唐处境相同的无期徒刑人员。
Her reporting was funded by the Soros Justice Media Fellowship.
她的报道由索罗斯正义媒体奖学金资助。
She and we repeatedly contacted Governor Schwarzenegger's office, inviting his comments for this story, but didn't get a response.
她和我们多次联系施瓦辛格州长的办公室，邀请他对这篇报道发表评论，但没有得到回应。
Coming up-- a story where no one is going to mention the Vietnam War in some random, passing reference.
即将推出——一个没有人会随机提及越南战争的故事。
I know we're two for two stories so far.
我知道到目前为止我们两个人讲两个故事。
We've got one more shot in today's show.
今天的节目中我们还有一个镜头。
We can do it!
我们能做到！
We can do a Vietnam reference-free story, I swear.
我发誓，我们可以做一个没有参考资料的越南故事。
That's in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International, when our program continues.
稍后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our show, we choose a theme, bring you different kinds of stories on that theme.
我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的不同类型的故事。
Today's show, Long Shots.
今天的节目是《远射》。
People facing such long odds it's hard to know if they're doing the right thing when they hope against hope that they're going to come out on top.
人们面临如此巨大的胜算，当他们抱着希望获胜时，很难知道他们是否在做正确的事情。
We've arrived at act two of our show.
我们已经到了演出的第二幕了。
Act Two.
第二幕。
House Dutiful.
家尽职尽责。
The way that anything happens in this world is that somebody gets a vision in their head for how they want something to go, or how they're going to make something, and then they run at it with all their might, and people tell them that it's hopeless, and the person doesn't care, it's just in them, right?
这个世界上任何事情发生的方式都是有人在头脑中得到一个愿景，他们想要某件事如何发展，或者他们将如何制造某事，然后他们全力以赴，人们告诉他们这是没有希望的，而这个人不在乎，这只是他们自己的，对吗？
Which is either really smart or really dumb.
这要么真的很聪明，要么真的很愚蠢。
Wells Tower went through this with a house.
威尔斯大厦的一栋房子就经历了这个过程。
A house he decided, against everybody's advice, to fix up.
他不顾所有人的建议，决定修缮一栋房子。
Several years ago, while I was walking through my father's kitchen, I noticed a beetle dying on the countertop.
几年前，当我走过父亲的厨房时，我注意到一只甲虫死在台面上。
"Hey," I said to my father, who was sitting a few feet away at the kitchen table, doing something on his computer, "there's a beetle dying here.
“嘿，”我对父亲说，他正坐在几英尺外的厨房桌子旁，在电脑上做着什么，“这里有一只甲虫快死了。
"Mmhm," he said, without taking his eyes off the screen.
“嗯，”他说，眼睛没有离开屏幕。
I walked by again later and noticed that ants were streaming out of a dark little groove in the windowsill above the kitchen sink.
后来我再次走过，发现蚂蚁从厨房水槽上方窗台上的一个黑暗的小凹槽里涌出来。
"Hey, it looks like you've got some ants living in your windowsill," I said.
“嘿，看来你的窗台上住着一些蚂蚁，”我说。
"Might want to caulk that up or something." "Yep," he said again.
“可能想把它填满或者什么的。” “是的，”他又说道。
A few hours passed, and then I noticed that the ants were trooping down past the sink and over the Formica to where the dead beetle lay.
几个小时过去了，然后我注意到蚂蚁成群结队地走过水槽，越过福米卡，来到死甲虫所在的地方。
Before long, the ants had dismantled it entirely and were carrying the beetle piecemeal back into the windowsill "OK Dad," I said.
不久之后，蚂蚁就把它完全拆掉了，然后把甲虫零碎地搬回窗台上。“好吧，爸爸，”我说。
"Now the ants have chopped up the beetle and they're toting it into your wall." "See?" he said, without looking up.
“现在蚂蚁已经把甲虫砍碎了，他们正把它拖到你的墙上。” “看到了吗？”他没有抬头说道。
"The system works."
“系统有效。”
In the years my father has owned this house, a small brick ranch in central North Carolina with small, lightless rooms, entropy has been his handyman and groundskeeper.
在我父亲拥有这栋位于北卡罗来纳州中部的砖砌小牧场的房子里的这些年里，熵一直是他的勤杂工和场地管理员。
When my family first moved here 30 years ago, the surrounding acres held a horse pasture, a flourishing orchard, a scuppernong arbor, a vegetable garden, and a large, healthy lawn.
三十年前，当我的家人第一次搬到这里时，周围的土地上有一个马牧场、一个茂盛的果园、一个斯库珀农凉亭、一个菜园和一个大而健康的草坪。
The average person would have been pleased to luck into a piece of land so well-tended.
一般人会很高兴能幸运地拥有一块如此精心照料的土地。
But according to my father's philosophy, the garden and the rest of it were troublesome.
但根据我父亲的哲学，花园和其他地方都很麻烦。
They required mowing, pruning, fertilizing.
他们需要割草、修剪、施肥。
So my father worked his "system" on these difficulties, And in time vines strangled the fruit trees, the grape arbor rotted and collapsed, and the pasture became a forest of scrub saplings.
于是我父亲就用他的“系统”来解决这些困难，随着时间的推移，藤蔓勒死了果树，葡萄架腐烂倒塌，牧场变成了灌木树苗的森林。
The burden of their maintenance was unshouldered for good.
他们的维护负担永远不再被承担。
My father's campaign of deliberate neglect got into full swing after my parents divorced when I was six years old.
我六岁时父母离婚后，我父亲的故意忽视运动全面展开。
He stopped mowing the lawn.
他不再修剪草坪了。
He cancelled garbage collection, preferring to burn the household refuse in the driveway.
他取消了垃圾收集，宁愿在车道上焚烧生活垃圾。
Nonflammable junk, derelict hibachis, spent brake shoes, crates of rusted wood screws filled the garage so densely that you wouldn't want to set foot in there without knowing the date of your most recent tetanus booster.
车库里堆满了不可燃的垃圾、废弃的木炭盆、用过的刹车片、一箱箱生锈的木螺钉，以至于你在不知道最近一次破伤风加强剂的日期的情况下不想踏入那里。
On summers home from college, my brother and I would try living in the house, usually with girlfriends, in the hope of making the place feel like a home.
大学放假回家的时候，我和哥哥会尝试住在这所房子里，通常是和女朋友一起住，希望让这个地方有家的感觉。
Our relationships usually ended after these little experiments in cohabitation, and Dan and I learned that it was fruitless to hope too grandly about transforming the place.
我们的关系通常在这些同居的小实验之后就结束了，丹和我了解到，对改变这个地方抱有太大的希望是徒劳的。
And also that it was best to be careful about whom we exposed to the house.
而且最好要小心我们让谁接触到了房子。
After Dan and I left home for good, the house decayed speedily.
丹和我永远离开家后，房子迅速腐烂。
The brush grew denser.
刷子变得更密了。
The furnace broke and my father declined to repair it for the better part of a decade.
炉子坏了，我父亲在十年的大部分时间里都拒绝修理它。
Year round, a stack of pine logs stood in the center of the living room floor, shedding bark and teeming with insect life.
一年到头，客厅地板中央都矗立着一堆松木，树皮脱落，充满了昆虫的生命。
I stored a couch at the house one time, and when I went back to retrieve it nine months later, a skein of ivy had crept in through the window and wrapped itself around the armrest.
有一次我在家里放了一张沙发，九个月后我回去取它时，一束常春藤从窗户爬了进来，缠在扶手上。
Once I stopped by the place and saw what appeared to be a family of minnows swimming in the toilet.
有一次我路过这个地方，看到似乎有一群小鱼在厕所里游泳。
The house's decline was so depressing to my brother and me we began avoiding the place entirely.
房子的衰落让我和哥哥感到非常沮丧，我们开始完全避开这个地方。
In my 31st year, after a decade of moving from place to place, I decided to go back to live in my hometown.
在我31岁的时候，经过十年的搬家，我决定回到家乡生活。
For years I'd nourished a fantasy of building a home of my own, and my mother, who owned a couple dozen acres across town, had agreed to sell me a sizable plot.
多年来，我一直怀揣着建造自己的家的幻想，而我的母亲在镇上拥有几十英亩的土地，她同意卖给我一块相当大的土地。
It was to be the opposite of my father's house.
它位于我父亲房子的对面。
A timber frame post and beam house with cathedral ceilings, plenty of windows and skylights, and a minimum of interior walls.
木结构柱梁房屋，拥有大教堂天花板、大量窗户和天窗以及最少的内墙。
But it would be many months in the building, and my father, who was teaching in Europe at the time, suggested that I move into his house in the interim.
但要在大楼里呆上好几个月，当时在欧洲教书的父亲建议我暂时搬进他的房子。
My father had remarried and for the last five years, he'd been living with my stepmother 45 minutes away.
我父亲再婚了，在过去的五年里，他一直和我的继母住在 45 分钟路程之外的地方。
I didn't relish the idea of living at the old house, but it would only be for a few months.
我并不喜欢住在老房子里，但也只会住几个月。
"And when you get back," I told my father, "maybe we can work on fixing up the house." "Yes," he said.
“等你回来后，”我告诉父亲，“也许我们可以一起修理房子。” “是的，”他说。
"I'd like that."
“我愿意。”
I'd seen the place in worse shape.
我见过这个地方的情况更糟。
The wood pile was now gone from the living room and the furnace had been replaced, though the garage was still impassable.
现在客厅里的木堆已经消失了，炉子也被更换了，尽管车库仍然无法通行。
My first week back, I ventured out there, and a possum spring from behind a pile of garbage and hissed at me.
回来的第一周，我冒险出去，一只负鼠从一堆垃圾后面跳出来，对我发出嘶嘶声。
I scampered back into the house.
我蹦蹦跳跳地跑回屋里。
The first time I ran the bathroom faucet, a moth fluttered from the drain.
我第一次打开浴室水龙头时，一只飞蛾从排水管里飞了出来。
The grass needed mowing though the yard was a good deal smaller than it used to be.
尽管院子比以前小了很多，但草坪需要割草。
Much of what had once been lawn had become a young forest of junk trees-- sweetgum and rangy loblolly pines-- were, in turn, being choked to death by a rapacious wisteria infestation that spanned a good half acre.
曾经的草坪大部分已经变成了一片年轻的垃圾树森林——枫香和细长的火炬松——反过来又被占地半英亩的贪婪的紫藤侵扰所窒息而死。
The weeds rose past my knee.
杂草长得超过了我的膝盖。
The'd evidently gotten the best of my father's lawnmower, which was resting in the shade of a holly bush.
显然，他们已经充分利用了我父亲的割草机，它停在冬青树丛的树荫下。
I went to the hardware store bought a new one, a shiny Briggs & Stratton with an earnest red finish.
我去五金店买了一件新的，一件闪亮的 Briggs & Stratton，表面是正红色。
Mowing was slow, unrewarding work.
割草是一项缓慢且无回报的工作。
I could make only a foot or two of progress at a time before the weeds wound around the blade and choked the engine off.
我一次只能前进一两英尺，然后杂草就会缠绕在刀片上，导致发动机熄火。
Rotten tree limbs lay buried in the thatch.
腐烂的树枝埋在茅草里。
I plunged the mower into tussocks of thistle, hip-high.
我把割草机插入蓟草丛中，高度与臀部齐高。
I tangled with great bullwarks of honeysuckle.
我与金银花的巨大堡垒纠缠在一起。
Sometimes the mower would shriek and shutter, which meant I'd found some forgotten artifact in the lawn.
有时割草机会尖叫并关闭，这意味着我在草坪上发现了一些被遗忘的文物。
I laid bare bricks, axe heads, an old rusted ratchet set, a rotting telephone pole, shreds of T-shirts, shards of a jelly jar I remembered drinking from as a kid.
我把裸露的砖头、斧头、一套生锈的旧棘轮、一根腐烂的电线杆、T恤碎片、我记得小时候喝过的果冻罐碎片都扔了出来。
The lower blades flung a constant hail of found object shrapnel in my face.
下部刀片不断地将发现的物体弹片扔到我脸上。
I shut my eyes and loathed the lawn and loathed myself for coming back to this place.
我闭上眼睛，厌恶这片草坪，也厌恶自己回到这个地方。
A few days later, my brother stopped by the house to show me his new pickup truck.
几天后，我哥哥到我家来，向我展示他的新皮卡车。
"It's a bad ass truck," he said.
“这是一辆糟糕的卡车，”他说。
"Four wheel drive.
“四轮驱动。
It's got a carriage-welded class four trailer hitch." He repeated this phrase like an incantation.
它有一个用马车焊接的四级拖车挂钩。”他像咒语一样重复着这句话。
"Carriage-welded, class four, trailer hitch."
“马车焊接，四级，拖车挂钩。”
We opened a couple of beers and walked around the house.
我们开了几瓶啤酒，在房子里走来走去。
I was already slipping into the old trap of imagining the house's potential, and I made the mistake of mentioning this to my brother.
我已经陷入了想象房子潜力的老陷阱，我犯了一个错误，向我哥哥提到了这一点。
"Think about what you could do with this place," I said.
“想想你能用这个地方做什么，”我说。
"All you would have to do is knock down about 60% of the walls and put in some new windows.
“你所要做的就是拆除大约 60% 的墙壁并安装一些新窗户。
Maybe make an addition out of the garage.
也许可以在车库里增加一些东西。
This could be a fantastic place to live."
这可能是一个很棒的居住地。”
My brother nodded.
哥哥点点头。
"Yep," he said.
“是的，”他说。
"I guess the first thing you probably want to do is go ahead and drop a nuclear bomb on it, for starters.
“我想你可能想做的第一件事就是向它投下一枚核弹，首先。
You know, when dad dies, we're going to have to haul a huge dumpster out here and basically throw the whole place away.
你知道，当爸爸去世时，我们将不得不把一个巨大的垃圾箱拖到这里，然后基本上把整个地方扔掉。
What you really need to do is bulldoze it, subdivided it, run a cul-de-sac through here.
你真正需要做的就是推平它，细分它，在这儿开辟一条死胡同。
It'd be a cash cow."
这将是一棵摇钱树。”
Then we went and sat in my brother's old bedroom, which was crowded with mail crates full of extension cords and dead tennis balls.
然后我们去坐在我哥哥的旧卧室里，里面挤满了装满延长线和死网球的邮件箱。
He said, "I sure do hate this place, but I guess, in a way, that's a good thing.
他说：“我确实讨厌这个地方，但我想，在某种程度上，这是一件好事。
I mean, it was hating this house so much that made me go out and get houses of my own."
我的意思是，正是因为太讨厌这所房子，所以我才出去买自己的房子。”
My brother is a real estate lawyer.
我的兄弟是一名房地产律师。
He owns a nice craftsman bungalow in an adjacent town.
他在邻近的城镇拥有一栋漂亮的工匠平房。
He also owns a big Edwardian mansion with leaded glass windows and a slate roof.
他还拥有一座爱德华时代的大宅邸，配有铅玻璃窗和石板屋顶。
He also owns a couple dozen other houses, and he's always buying more.
他还拥有其他几十栋房子，而且他总是在买更多的房子。
He talked a while longer about how much he disliked the house, then he paused and looked up at the ceiling, which was covered with adhesive, glow-in-the-dark stars.
他又说了一会儿，说他有多不喜欢这所房子，然后他停下来，抬头看着天花板，天花板上布满了粘着的、在黑暗中发光的星星。
"I put those there," he said, as though it surprised him that there'd ever been a time when he cared enough about this house to lavish glow-in-the-dark stars on it.
“我把它们放在那里，”他说，似乎让他感到惊讶的是，曾经有一段时间，他对这所房子足够关心，以至于在它上面铺满了夜光星星。
He got a contemplative look, and I waited for him to say something heartfelt or hopeful.
他露出沉思的表情，我等着他说出一些真诚或充满希望的话。
But he looked me in the eye and said, "I just don't think anybody has any business owning a vehicle that doesn't have a carriage-welded class four trailer hitch."
但他看着我的眼睛说：“我认为任何人都没有资格拥有一辆没有安装焊接式四级拖车挂钩的车辆。”
Strange that my brother should've mentioned the possibility of my father's dying, because five days after he stopped by, I got a grim email from my father, who was still in Europe.
奇怪的是，我的兄弟竟然提到了我父亲去世的可能性，因为在他过来五天后，我收到了一封来自我父亲的严峻电子邮件，他仍在欧洲。
The subject line read, "The cancer appears to be back."
主题行写着：“癌症似乎又回来了。”
Four years earlier, my father had learned he had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, which he had been able to beat into remission after six unpleasant months of chemotherapy.
四年前，我父亲得知自己患有非霍奇金淋巴瘤，经过六个月不愉快的化疗后，他的病情得以缓解。
We'd been hoping he was rid of it forever, but the day before I got the email, he checked himself into a hospital in Croatia because he was vomiting blood, and the doctor noticed a suspicious obstruction in his stomach.
我们一直希望他永远摆脱它，但在我收到电子邮件的前一天，他因为吐血而到克罗地亚的一家医院检查，医生发现他的胃有可疑的阻塞。
At the house, spring was deepening into summer, and this was already a bumper year for bugs.
家里正值春夏之交，今年已经是虫子的丰收年了。
I was pulling deer ticks off me about as often as I was brushing my teeth.
我把鹿身上的蜱虫和我刷牙的频率差不多。
I was funding them between my toes, behind my ears, all over my head, and worse places.
我把它们放在脚趾间、耳后、头上以及更糟糕的地方。
I feared for my father's weakened immune system, and I thought the yard would need more beating back if you wanted to walk across it without risking a snake bite or Lyme disease.
我担心父亲的免疫系统会被削弱，而且我认为如果你想走过院子而不冒被蛇咬伤或莱姆病的风险，那么院子就需要更多的反击。
I decided to hold a work day.
我决定安排一个工作日。
I called up my stepfather.
我给继父打电话。
We used to fight a good deal in my teenage days, sometimes physically and spectacularly, but since then we've come to understand each other better, and now he's someone I love and respect as much as anyone in the world.
在我十几岁的时候，我们经常吵架，有时甚至会发生肢体冲突，但从那时起我们就更加了解彼此，现在他是我和世界上任何人一样爱和尊重的人。
He's the kind of person who doesn't think twice about helping somebody out, even if that person happens to be his wife's ex-husband.
他是那种会毫不犹豫地帮助别人的人，即使那个人恰好是他妻子的前夫。
When I asked him if he'd come and spend a day hacking vines at my father's house, he said, "Sure.
当我问他是否愿意来我父亲家里花一天时间砍藤蔓时，他说：“当然。
What time?"
什么时间？”
Then I called my brother "Man, I really hate going over there," he said.
然后我打电话给我的兄弟，“伙计，我真的讨厌去那里，”他说。
"I'll just have one of my guys do it." I said, "OK." But then he said, "no, I'll be there.
“我会让我的一个人来做这件事。”我说：“好吧。”但随后他说：“不，我会在那里。
But let's start early.
但让我们早点开始吧。
Like 7 AM."
就像早上 7 点一样。”
My stepdad showed up first, at few minutes after eight o'clock.
八点过后几分钟，我的继父首先出现了。
He got to work scraping the ivy off the house with a putty knife.
他开始用油灰刀刮掉房子上的常春藤。
My brother arrived at 2 PM, seven hours late.
我哥哥下午 2 点到达，晚了七个小时。
First he filled the chainsaw's oil tank with gasoline, and it took another hour to flush the engine out and get it running again.
首先，他给电锯的油箱加满了汽油，又花了一个小时才将发动机冲洗干净并重新启动。
Then he sawed into a ruined 40-foot cherry tree so firmly swaddled in the vine canopy that even when he'd severed the trunk, the tree just hung there like a toothpick in a spider's web.
然后，他锯开一棵 40 英尺高的废弃樱桃树，樱桃树紧紧地包裹在藤蔓树冠中，即使他砍断了树干，这棵树也只是挂在那里，就像蜘蛛网上的牙签一样。
He hooked a rope to it and tied the other end to his carriage-welded class four trailer hitch.
他将一根绳子挂在上面，并将另一端绑在他的马车焊接的四级拖车挂钩上。
The tree came down with a satisfying thud.
树发出令人满意的“砰”的一声倒下。
I fired up my weed eater, which I'd outfitted with a big metal blade and charged to the vines.
我启动了我的除草机，我给它配备了一把大金属刀片，然后冲向藤蔓。
Some grew in braids as big around as my waist.
有些长成辫子，和我的腰一样粗。
I slashed at them.
我向他们砍去。
I hacked into rooms of vine, hearts of vine, giant, ventricular chambers, and then I hacked my way back out.
我侵入了藤蔓的房间、藤蔓的心、巨大的心室，然后我又砍了回来。
The complexes of vine and leafage were huge, and I was tiny in their midst.
藤蔓和树叶的复合体很大，而我在它们中间却很渺小。
I felt like a one-man cancer waging a vicious assault against this mammoth organism.
我感觉自己就像一只独身的癌症，正在对这个庞大的有机体发起恶毒的攻击。
My father had returned to town a few days earlier, but I'd explained that the house wasn't quite safe for him to visit.
我父亲几天前回到城里，但我解释说他去那所房子不太安全。
I went out that night to meet him and his wife for dinner.
那天晚上我出去见他和他的妻子共进晚餐。
He was leaving the following morning to begin treatment at a hospital in Houston.
第二天早上，他将前往休斯敦的一家医院开始治疗。
I told them about the battle we'd waged on his yard that day, and he said, "Don't do anything too drastic with those vines.
我告诉他们那天我们在他的院子里发动的战斗，他说：“不要对那些藤蔓做任何太过分的事情。
They provide a nice buffer from the road."
它们为道路提供了良好的缓冲。”
Then my stepmother, who grew up in the Midwest, said, "I know that for Southern men, the home place is a big deal.
然后我在中西部长大的继母说：“我知道对于南方男人来说，家乡很重要。
Do you think of a house that way?
你认为房子是这样的吗？
As your home place?"
作为你的家？”
I'd had a few beers at this point, and I permitted myself to say, "I don't see as a home place as much as a kind of mausoleum of embalmed grief over my parents' failed marriage." It was a cruel, self-serving thing to say, and hardly true, seeing as both my mother and father considered the divorce to be one of the best things that ever happened to them.
此时我已经喝了几杯啤酒，我允许自己说：“我不认为这是一个家，而是一座对我父母失败的婚姻进行防腐处理的悲伤的陵墓。”这是一件残酷、自私的事情，而且很难说是真的，因为我的父母都认为离婚是他们经历过的最好的事情之一。
My father looked very sad when I said it.
当我说这句话的时候，我父亲看上去很伤心。
But I wasn't sorry.
但我并不后悔。
I was simply angry at his house and at his illness, because now that the cancer was back, the dream of the two of us fixing up the place was pretty much wrecked.
我只是对他的房子和他的病感到愤怒，因为现在癌症复发了，我们两个修缮这个地方的梦想几乎破灭了。
Here's a superficial inventory of repairs and improvements I undertook at my father's house.
这是我对父亲的房子进行的维修和改进的粗略清单。
Replaced mailbox.
更换了邮箱。
Scattered fresh gravel on driveway.
车道上散落着新鲜的砾石。
Replaced toilet.
换了马桶。
Replaced stove.
更换了炉灶。
Fixed refrigerator.
固定冰箱。
Replumbed waste drain under kitchen sink.
重新连接厨房水槽下的废水排水管。
Bought large pickup truck and hauled about 35 truckloads of garbage to the landfill.
购买了大型皮卡，将约35卡车的垃圾运至垃圾填埋场。
Purged garage entirely, washed everything off, and then put everything back that wasn't broken junk.
彻底清理车库，洗掉所有东西，然后把所有没有损坏的垃圾放回去。
Paid over the ground laminate walls in the living room.
在客厅的地面层压板墙上付费。
Installed two small skylights.
安装了两个小天窗。
Chased black snake from attic.
从阁楼上追黑蛇。
Killed black widow spider.
杀死了黑寡妇蜘蛛。
Dragged enormous gob of hair from bath drain.
从浴缸下水道里拖出一大堆头发。
Chopped a cherry tree into firewood.
把一棵樱桃树砍成柴火。
Chased bird from living room.
从客厅追赶小鸟。
Cleaned gutters.
清理过的排水沟。
Caulked hole in the windowsill where the ants had stashed the beetle parts years back.
窗台上填了一个洞，几年前蚂蚁就把甲虫的部分藏在那里。
My girlfriend at the time called me one day to ask what I was up to, and I talked to her about my father's house.
有一天，我当时的女朋友打电话给我，问我在做什么，我和她谈论了我父亲的房子。
The walls I wanted to rip down, the plan I had for raising the ceilings, and how tinted stucco would probably be a nice way to cover up the ugly brick exterior.
我想拆掉的墙壁，我提高天花板的计划，以及有色灰泥如何可能是掩盖丑陋的砖外墙的好方法。
She said she got the whole project was a bad idea.
她说她整个项目都是个坏主意。
Then she got sort of angry and said, "What about the house you were going to build?
然后她有点生气地说：“那你要盖的房子呢？
I think it's unhealthy for you to be putting all this energy into a house that's not even yours.
我认为把所有的精力都投入到一个不属于你的房子里是不健康的。
That house is making you crazy."
那栋房子让你发疯。”
Then I got angry in return, and I said that unless she'd grown up in a house like this one, she couldn't possibly understand what working on it meant to me.
然后我也生气了，我说除非她在这样的房子里长大，否则她不可能理解工作对我意味着什么。
Nobody had ever cared about the house.
从来没有人关心过这所房子。
It was a dead place.
那是一个死地。
And if I could bring it back to life, it would mean vanquishing a sorrow I'd carried with me for a long time.
如果我能让它复活，那就意味着我可以克服长久以来的悲伤。
This, I told her, was way more important to me than building a house of my own.
我告诉她，这对我来说比建造自己的房子更重要。
I got fierce and sincere about it, and finally she said, OK, OK, I understand.
我对此很激烈也很真诚，最后她说，好吧，好吧，我明白了。
I flew to Houston to take care of my father for a couple of weeks.
我飞往休斯敦照顾我父亲几周。
He was well into a six month chemotherapy regimen.
他已经接受了六个月的化疗方案。
His hair and eyebrows had fallen out, and he walked very slowly because the cancer was eating his bones.
他的头发和眉毛都脱落了，而且他走得很慢，因为癌症正在侵蚀他的骨头。
I helped him move into the apartment where he was to live between hospital stays.
我帮助他搬进了他在住院期间要住的公寓。
One afternoon, he asked me how things had been going in my life.
一天下午，他问我生活过得怎么样。
I told him I'd been getting a lot of satisfaction out of working on his house, that there was a great deal more I'd like to do.
我告诉他我从为他的房子工作中得到了很大的满足，我还有很多想做的事情。
He nodded.
他点点头。
"Perhaps the sensible thing would simply be for you take it over," he said.
“也许明智的做法就是让你接管它，”他说。
I thought he might say this, and when he did, I felt a warmth in my chest.
我以为他会这么说，当他说出这句话时，我感到胸口一阵温暖。
I told him that I hoped he'd get better soon, and that we'd still have many years together working on the place.
我告诉他我希望他能尽快好起来，而且我们还会在这个地方一起工作很多年。
The idea seemed to cheer him.
这个想法似乎让他高兴起来。
He rose gingerly and walked to the window.
他小心翼翼地站起来，走到窗边。
A storm was just departing, and rumpled, greenish clouds were sliding east over the Houston skyline.
一场风暴即将离去，皱巴巴的绿色云层正在休斯敦的天际线上向东滑落。
He watched them go and said absently, "Being alive sure beats being dead."
他看着他们离去，心不在焉地说：“活着总比死了好。”
After I got back from Houston, I had a carpenter friend over, and together we walked the premises while dreamed to him about the house.
从休斯顿回来后，我邀请了一位木匠朋友过来，我们一起在房子里散步，同时向他梦见了房子。
"What if we put in exposed beams and then a sunroom off the garage, fruit trees in the yard, a new tin roof, wrap-around around porches, throw in a patio, put up a grape arbor for shade?" He said, "Yeah.
“如果我们安装裸露的横梁，然后在车库外建一个日光浴室，在院子里种上果树，一个新的铁皮屋顶，环绕门廊，建一个露台，搭一个葡萄架遮荫，会怎样呢？”他说：“是的。
This place could be a little palace if somebody wanted to give a damn about it."
如果有人愿意的话，这个地方可能是一座小宫殿。”
I called my brother and told him what Dad and I had in mind.
我打电话给弟弟，告诉他我和爸爸的想法。
My taking over the house and fixing it up right.
我接管了房子并把它修好。
He went silent for a long time, and he said, "Yeah, I don't really see myself letting you do that." He said the house was his, too, his birthright.
他沉默了很长时间，然后说道：“是的，我真的不认为自己会让你这么做。”他说房子也是他的，是他与生俱来的权利。
He reminded me that the house was on valuable land, and he couldn't comprehend why I wanted to ruin a perfectly good investment opportunity.
他提醒我，房子位于宝贵的土地上，他无法理解我为什么要毁掉一个完美的投资机会。
I said I didn't want an investment opportunity.
我说我不想要投资机会。
I wanted a place to live.
我想要一个住的地方。
Then I pleaded with him, then I shouted at him, then we both hung up.
然后我恳求他，然后我对他大喊大叫，然后我们都挂了电话。
He called a week later and said, "The only thing I've been able to think about for about the past week is how good it would feel to beat your face in with a baseball bat." I told him I'd been having thoughts along the same lines, only mine involved a machete.
一周后，他打电话说：“过去一周我唯一能想到的就是用棒球棒打你的脸该有多好。”我告诉他我也有同样的想法，只是我的想法涉及一把砍刀。
He said, "Look.
他说：“看。
I thought it over, and if you want the house, it's yours.
我想了想，如果你想要房子，那就是你的了。
Take it.
拿走吧。
It's just not worth it to me.
这对我来说不值得。
I'd rather have a brother than a piece of property."
我宁愿有一个兄弟，也不愿有一份财产。”
I asked him if he meant it, and he said he did.
我问他是不是这个意思，他说是的。
"But before you start throwing yourself into fixing it up," he said, "I do think you ought to ask yourself, if Dad passes on, do you really want to be in that house, living with all that old junk, trapped in the house you grew up in?"
“但在你开始投入精力去修复它之前，”他说，“我确实认为你应该问自己，如果爸爸去世了，你真的想住在那所房子里，和那些旧垃圾一起生活，被困在你长大的房子里吗？”
I rocked back in my chair and looked out the window.
我靠在椅子上，看着窗外。
I'd washed it only last week, but already, hammocks of spiderweb were drooping in the corners of the pane.
我上周才洗过它，但窗格的角落里已经挂满了蜘蛛网的吊床。
The dusk was coming on.
黄昏即将来临。
Outside the sunlight sifted through the walls of vine and lay on the lawn in a million golden shards.
外面的阳光透过藤蔓的墙，洒在草坪上，形成一百万片金色的碎片。
"Just talking to you as a friend," he said.
“只是以朋友的身份跟你说话，”他说。
"Take the house if you want to.
“如果你愿意的话，就把房子拿走吧。
But I'd think you'd be a lot happier if you just got out of there.
但我想如果你刚离开那里你会更快乐。
If you started fresh in your own place." My room was going dark, and I felt a sadness rise, because I knew my brother was probably right.
如果你在自己的地方重新开始。”我的房间变暗了，我感到一阵悲伤，因为我知道我哥哥可能是对的。
On a frigid morning four days into my father's bone marrow transplant, some appraisers came by to assess the value of Dad's house for the purpose of squaring away estate in the event of his death.
在我父亲骨髓移植四天后的一个寒冷的早晨，一些估价师过来评估父亲的房子的价值，目的是为了在他去世时平掉遗产。
There were two of them-- a short, pudgy man with glasses wearing an Australian bush hat and a woman with a kind, dithering manner.
他们中有两个人——一个是矮胖的男人，戴着眼镜，戴着一顶澳大利亚丛林帽；另一个是态度和蔼、犹豫不决的女人。
I followed them around the house as they tapped the walls and jotted down the vintages of the appliances.
我跟着他们在房子里转了一圈，他们敲着墙壁，记下了电器的年份。
The woman noted the wisteria jungle, which was now a brittle, leafless tangle.
女人注意到紫藤丛林，现在已经变成了一片脆弱、光秃秃的缠结。
"It's a constant battle with that stuff, isn't it?" she said.
“这是一场与那些东西的持续战斗，不是吗？”她说。
The man gazed up at the gable end, where paint was flaking off.
那人抬头看着山墙的一端，那里的油漆正在剥落。
"Well," he said in a tone of forced optimism, "it's a great location, at least."
“嗯，”他用勉强乐观的语气说道，“至少，这是一个很棒的位置。”
They tried to take a few more measurements, which was impossible in this particular spot, because a line of scrub bushes was growing against the wall.
他们试图再进行一些测量，但这在这个特定地点是不可能的，因为靠墙生长着一排灌木丛。
"So what are they going to do with it?" the man asked me, as though my father were already dead.
“那么他们打算用它做什么呢？”那人问我，好像我父亲已经死了一样。
"Sell it, I guess?
“我猜，卖掉吧？
Split it up?
分开吗？
The land's sure worth something." I had a strong temptation to say something unpleasant to the man, but instead I said, "We'll see."
这块土地肯定值钱。”我很想对那个人说一些不愉快的话，但我说：“我们拭目以待。”
I stood and watched the appraisers leave.
我站着，看着鉴定师离开。
On his way back to the driveway, the man stopped in his tracks to examine something half-buried in the lawn-- a rusted tire iron stuck in the frozen soil.
在返回车道的路上，该男子停下来检查半埋在草坪中的东西——一根生锈的轮胎铁卡在冻土里。
"Will you look at that," he said to his colleague.
“你能看一下吗？”他对同事说。
He bent over and started trying to pry it loose with his pink fingers, attempting a little improvement of his own.
他弯下腰，开始尝试用粉红色的手指将它撬开，尝试自己做一点改进。
The moment gave off a rather excessive sort of significance, the wind rustling the dry vines, the winter sky the color of old bone, and the appraiser, whose valuation would come in surprisingly low, straining and grunting over this piece of humble treasure.
这一刻赋予了一种相当过分的意义，风吹得干藤沙沙作响，冬日的天空呈现出老骨头的颜色，而估价师则对这件不起眼的宝藏紧张而咕哝着，他的估价会低得惊人。
The tire iron wasn't coming free easily, and the sight of the appraiser's efforts wearied me, so I headed back inside and left him to his work.
轮胎熨斗不容易松开，看到评估师的努力让我感到厌倦，所以我回到里面，让他继续工作。
Wells Tower.
威尔斯塔。
A version of his enjoy ran in the Washington Post a couple of years back.
几年前，《华盛顿邮报》刊登了他的经历的一个版本。
He's the author of the book of short stories Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned .
他是短篇小说集《一切都被蹂躏，一切都被烧毁》的作者。
It;s out in hardcover and comes out in paperback next month.
该书以精装本出版，下个月以平装本出版。
Our program was produced today by Lisa Pollak and myself with Alex Blumberg, Jane Feltes, Sarah Koenig, Robyn Semien, Alissa Shipp, and Nancy Updike.
今天我们的节目由 Lisa Pollak 和我本人以及 Alex Blumberg、Jane Feltes、Sarah Koenig、Robyn Semien、Alissa Shipp 和 Nancy Updike 制作。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Production help from Aaron Scott.
亚伦·斯科特提供制作帮助。
Seth Lind is our production manager, Emily Condon our office manager.
Seth Lind 是我们的生产经理，Emily Condon 我们的办公室经理。
Our music consultant is Jessica Hopper.
我们的音乐顾问是杰西卡·霍珀。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] Our website, where you can hear all of our old shows for free, thisamericanlife.org.
[鸣谢] 我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中免费收听我们所有的旧节目。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
WBEZ management oversight for or program by our boss, Mr. Torey Malatia, who explains why he is sticking with Nyquil.
我们的老板 Torey Malatia 先生对 WBEZ 进行了管理监督或计划，他解释了为什么他坚持使用 Nyquil。
Lots and lots of Nyquil.
很多很多奈奎尔。
I'm allergic to marijuana.
我对大麻过敏。
I don't like alcohol.
我不喜欢喝酒。
Crank is too intense.
曲柄太猛烈。
Heroin makes you sick.
海洛因会让你生病。
LSD is a recreational thing once in a while when you were a kid going to concerts with Mickey Mouse ears.
当你还是个孩子的时候，当你带着米老鼠的耳朵去听音乐会时，LSD 是一种偶尔的消遣。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。