374: Somewhere Out There - This American Life
You are using an outdated browser.
您正在使用过时的浏览器。
Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience.
请升级您的浏览器或激活 Google Chrome 浏览器内嵌框架以改善您的体验。
Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #374 | January 15, 2010 374: Somewhere Out There Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 374 集 | 2010 年 1 月 15 日 374：彼处 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass OK, so a couple of physicists walk into a bar.
序言 Ira Glass 好的，几个物理学家走进了一家酒吧。
Just kidding.
只是在开玩笑。
They're not at a bar.
他们不在酒吧。
They're at a school.
他们在一所学校。
Scientists in training.
科学家们正在接受培训。
I'm sure this story seems strange to you, but to me, it was just-- you know, this was just like another day in the physics world.
我确信这个故事对你来说很奇怪，但对我来说，这只是——你知道，这就像物理世界的另一天。
David Kestenbaum used to live in physics world.
大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆曾经生活在物理世界里。
These days he lives in our world.
这些天他生活在我们的世界里。
You can hear him in our world as part of NPR'S Planet Money team, reporting on economics.
您可以在我们的世界中听到他作为 NPR 星球金钱团队的一员，对经济进行报道。
But at the time of the story, he was getting a PhD in high-energy particle physics at, um-- there's no way to avoid the name-droppy-ness of what I'm about to say-- at Harvard University.
但在故事发生时，他正在哈佛大学获得高能粒子物理学博士学位，嗯——我将要说的内容不可避免地会被提及。
But to paraphrase Us Magazine , Harvard physicists, in certain ways around the office, they're just like us.
但用《美国杂志》的话来说，哈佛的物理学家们，在办公室的某些方面，他们就像我们一样。
There was always a time of day when someone made a pot of very strong coffee, and afterwards, everyone drank the coffee and then didn't quite want to work yet.
一天中总有那么一个时候，有人煮了一壶很浓的咖啡，喝完之后，大家都不想再工作了。
And so we all stood around and talked about various things.
所以我们都站在一起谈论各种事情。
You know, and there was a blackboard or a whiteboard or something there.
你知道，那里有一块黑板或白板之类的东西。
And we were talking about how nobody really had girlfriends.
我们正在谈论如何没有人真正有女朋友。
So, this being physics world, the next logical thing to do was to employ the power of mathematics to estimate the likelihood of finding a girlfriend.
因此，在物理世界中，下一个合乎逻辑的事情就是利用数学的力量来估计找到女朋友的可能性。
And so they start jotting down a calculation.
于是他们开始记下计算。
I guess it's sort of a variation on-- you know this thing called the Drake equation?
我想这是一种变体——你知道这个叫做德雷克方程的东西吗？
No. David Kestenbaum That is a way to estimate how many planets are out there that have intelligent life on them.
大卫·凯斯滕鲍姆（David Kestenbaum） 这是一种估算有多少颗行星上存在智慧生命的方法。
OK, so in this Drake equation, apparently you start with how many stars are in the universe.
好的，在这个德雷克方程中，显然你从宇宙中有多少颗恒星开始。
That is, all the places where there might be life.
也就是说，所有可能有生命的地方。
And then you subtract out all the stars that don't have planets around them, right?
然后你减去所有周围没有行星的恒星，对吗？
Because there can't be life there.
因为那里不可能有生命。
And then you subtract out all the planets that are too far from the sun or too close to the sun to support life.
然后减去所有距离太阳太远或太近而无法维持生命的行星。
And so on and so on-- you get the idea-- until finally, you come up with the likelihood of a planet with life evolved to the point of intelligence.
等等——你明白了——直到最后，你得出了一颗行星上有生命进化到智慧程度的可能性。
OK.
好的。
They ran the same kind of math now, except-- and I realize this is going to sound a little strange.
他们现在进行同样的数学计算，除了——我意识到这听起来有点奇怪。
It says they replaced intelligent life with girlfriends.
据说他们用女朋友取代了智能生活。
So we started to do the calculation on the board.
于是我们就开始在黑板上进行计算。
And, uh-- can you look up what the population in Boston is?
而且，呃——你能查一下波士顿有多少人口吗？
Now David is asking me to look this up because at this point in our interview, I actually made him run the math for me, with real numbers that we got from the internet.
现在大卫要求我查一下这个，因为在我们采访的这一点上，我实际上让他用我们从互联网上获得的真实数字为我进行了数学计算。
So he started with the population of Boston, because he and his fellow physics students wanted girlfriends in Boston, where they all live.
所以他从波士顿的人口开始，因为他和他的物理系同学想要在波士顿找到女朋友，因为他们都住在那里。
Population of Boston, I found online, was a little under 600,000.
我在网上查到，波士顿的人口略低于 60 万。
So you start with 600,000, which sounds great, except that half of them are guys, right?
所以你从 600,000 开始，这听起来不错，只是其中一半是男性，对吧？
And I'm only interested in girls.
而且我只对女孩感兴趣。
OK, so it's 300,000.
好的，所以是 300,000。
David Kestenbaum And then I want people-- let's be honest, probably within 10 years of my age or something, right?
David Kestenbaum 然后我想要一些人——说实话，可能是比我年龄小 10 岁之内的人，对吧？
OK, so 10 years on either side, so that means--
好吧，双方各 10 年，这意味着——
I'm actually looking at some numbers here.
我实际上在这里查看一些数字。
Looks like-- looks like if you go from 20 to 40, you're talking-- that's still like 35% of the population, a third or something.
看起来——看起来如果你从 20 岁增加到 40 岁，你说的——这仍然是人口的 35%，三分之一左右。
So that means that out of 300,000 women, that leaves 100,000 in his age range.
因此，这意味着在 30 万女性中，剩下 10 万名女性属于他的年龄范围。
These being doctoral students, they wanted girlfriends who were college grads.
这些是博士生，他们想要大学毕业生的女朋友。
Well, OK, about 25% of Americans over 25 years old have graduated from college.
好吧，25 岁以上的美国人中大约有 25% 已经大学毕业。
That knocks out roughly 3/4 of these women.
这导致大约 3/4 的女性被淘汰。
Ouch.
哎哟。
Ira Glass So you're down to-- we were at 100,000.
Ira Glass：这么说，我们的人数是 100,000。
So you're down to 25,000.
所以你的人数减少到了 25,000。
Then you start applying stuff like, you know, how often are they single?
然后你开始应用诸如，你知道，他们单身的频率是多少？
Yeah.
是的。
Let's say half of them are single.
假设其中一半是单身。
So now you're down to 12,500.
所以现在您的人数已降至 12,500。
Yeah, see?
是啊，看到了吗？
It's getting scary now, right?
现在越来越可怕了，对吧？
And then of course you get to how many people are actually attractive to you.
然后你当然就会知道有多少人真正对你有吸引力。
And even if you give a really high percentage, like one in five, OK, that knocks your pool of candidates down from 12,500 to 2,500.
即使你给出的比例非常高，比如五分之一，好吧，你的候选人库也会从 12,500 人减少到 2,500 人。
Yeah.
是的。
David Kestenbaum That's just like a needle in a haystack.
David Kestenbaum 这就像大海捞针一样。
And that 2,500 is before you get to anything personal, like your religion or how you see the world.
这 2,500 是在你接触任何个人的事情之前，比如你的宗教信仰或你如何看待世界。
What's your sense of humor?
你的幽默感是什么？
So David and his fellow students are talking about this, these rather kind of depressing numbers.
所以大卫和他的同学们正在谈论这些相当令人沮丧的数字。
And one of the professors comes in.
一位教授进来了。
She's not married, either.
她也没有结婚。
And so we start to draw it for her, and then we started to say, well OK, half of them are men, so we'd circle half.
所以我们开始为她画它，然后我们开始说，好吧，其中一半是男性，所以我们圈出一半。
And then we'd say, well, what's the age group you're interested in?
然后我们会说，那么，您对哪个年龄段的人感兴趣？
And then we'd sort of circle a smaller subset.
然后我们会圈出一个较小的子集。
And then she had all these other requirements, like the guy had to be taller than her.
然后她还有其他所有要求，比如那个人必须比她高。
And she's pretty tall.
而且她很高。
[LAUGHTER] That really limited things.
[笑声] 这确实限制了事情。
And then she said he had to be smarter than her.
然后她说他必须比她聪明。
You know, and she's a Harvard physics professor, so that was even smaller.
你知道，她是哈佛大学的物理学教授，所以这个数字甚至更小。
And basically, we got down to there being nobody.
基本上，我们已经确定没有人了。
She's alone.
她独自一人。
Ira Glass During this period of your life when you would think about these numbers, were you sure the entire time that there was somebody out there?
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 在您生命中的这段时期，当您思考这些数字时，您是否一直确定外面有人？
Yeah.
是的。
I don't know why.
我不知道为什么。
But you know, at the beginning of every mathematical proof, people often write, "Assume that there exists X." Assume we have an infinite surface bound by something, or whatever.
但你知道，在每个数学证明的开头，人们经常写下“假设存在X”。假设我们有一个被某物或其他东西束缚的无限表面。
Right.
正确的。
David Kestenbaum It's like, assume there exists some girlfriend.
David Kestenbaum 这就像，假设存在某个女朋友。
There's totally that act of faith underneath it, yeah.
是的，这背后完全有信仰的行为。
But I had a more scientific view, which is that there are people out there who might be right for me, not just one person.
但我有一个更科学的观点，那就是外面有可能适合我的人，而不仅仅是一个人。
Like that seemed like in a silly novel or something.
就像在一本愚蠢的小说或其他什么东西里那样。
You know.
你知道。
Yeah.
是的。
David Kestenbaum I don't believe there's just one.
David Kestenbaum 我不相信只有一个。
If there were just one person out there, good luck.
如果只有一个人在场，那就祝你好运了。
They could speak Chinese, you know?
他们会说中文，你知道吗？
[LAUGHTER] And they probably do, right?
[笑声]他们可能会这样做，对吧？
What are the odds you're going to find them and a translator?
您找到他们和翻译的几率有多大？
You got to believe there's more than one person.
你必须相信有不止一个人。
But if you do believe that there is more than one person for you, you really might want to keep that belief to yourself sometimes.
但如果你确实相信有不止一个人适合你，有时你真的可能想把这一信念留给自己。
This may be one of those ideas that you don't want to take out of the classroom and bring into the real world.
这可能是您不想从课堂带到现实世界的想法之一。
Case in point.
举个例子。
It was definitely early on in our relationship.
这绝对是我们关系的早期。
And I think it was our first big fight.
我认为这是我们第一次大战。
This is somebody else from the immediate word of our radio show-- Alex Blumberg, one of our producers.
这是我们广播节目中直接提到的另一个人——亚历克斯·布隆伯格，我们的制作人之一。
A while ago, he and his then future wife, Nazanin, were out on a date.
不久前，他和他未来的妻子纳扎宁出去约会。
And because they were newly in love, the topic of conversation was--
因为他们刚刚恋爱，所以谈话的话题是——
How great it was that we were in love.
我们相爱是多么美好啊。
[LAUGHS] And how happy we were to have found each other.
[笑]我们很高兴能够找到彼此。
And it felt so fated, you know?
这感觉是如此命中注定，你知道吗？
And she asked, do you really think that we were the only one for each other?
她问，你真的认为我们是唯一的人吗？
And I said, I don't know if you're the only one for me, but I think that you have to be at least one in 100,000, is what I said.
我说，我不知道你是不是唯一适合我的人，但我认为你至少是十万分之一，就是我说的。
Which I thought was-- in retrospect, now that I'm telling this story, that sounds really bad.
我认为现在回想起来，现在我正在讲述这个故事，这听起来真的很糟糕。
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass I was kind of holding my tongue over here, actually.
[笑声] Ira Glass 实际上，我在这里保持沉默。
Yeah.
是的。
At the time, I thought it was a romantic statement.
当时我觉得这是一句浪漫的话。
Because one out of 100,000-- what is there, like 6 or 7 billion people on the planet?
因为十万分之一——地球上有六七十亿人，这是什么？
Sure.
当然。
Nazanin Rafsanjani He picked 100,000, which probably doesn't make any scientific sense and also made me feel bad.
Nazanin Rafsanjani 他选择了 100,000，这可能没有任何科学意义，也让我感觉很糟糕。
So if Alex thought that saying that there are 100,000 other women that he could love was simply another way of saying how rare love is-- 100,000 seemed like a small number to Alex.
因此，如果亚历克斯认为说他可以爱的其他女人有十万个，只是表达爱是多么稀有的另一种方式——那么十万对亚历克斯来说似乎是一个很小的数字。
Nazanin did not see it that way.
纳赞宁不这么看。
I know it's ridiculous to think that there's one person out there for everybody, but it definitely feels that way, right?
我知道认为每个人都有一个人是很荒谬的，但确实有这种感觉，对吧？
When you're, like, falling in love.
当你坠入爱河时。
And it's not like I actually expect him to believe it, but he wouldn't even say it.
我其实并不希望他相信这一点，但他甚至不会说出来。
[LAUGHS]
[笑]
Wait, he wouldn't say-- Nazanin Rafsanjani Like he wouldn't even just say I was the only person for him.
等等，他不会说—— Nazanin Rafsanjani 就像他甚至不会说我是他唯一的人一样。
Like he couldn't even--
就像他甚至不能——
He had to get all scientific.
他必须让一切变得科学。
Nazanin Rafsanjani Yeah, exactly.
纳扎宁·拉夫桑贾尼 是的，没错。
He had to get all scientific.
他必须让一切变得科学。
Like he couldn't just lie for a second.
就好像他一秒钟都不能撒谎。
It's just like a fundamental difference, you know?
这就像一个根本的区别，你知道吗？
Like to me, it makes me feel good to think that we're the only ones out there for each other.
就像我一样，一想到我们是彼此唯一的人，我就感觉很好。
And to him, I think it makes him feel bad.
对他来说，我认为这让他感觉很糟糕。
I think it freaks him out.
我觉得这让他很害怕。
I think the idea that, like, I'm it, in the whole world, makes him feel really-- I don't know.
我认为，这个想法，比如，在整个世界上，我就是这样，让他感觉真的——我不知道。
It just seems impossible and stupid, and not-- and also, just like, it's a lot of pressure.
这似乎是不可能的、愚蠢的，而且，而且，就像压力很大一样。
Yeah.
是的。
It's a lot of pressure.
压力很大。
There's a saying that goes something like, "How terrible to love what can perish." You know?
有句话是这么说的：“爱会毁灭的东西是多么可怕。”你知道？
Right.
正确的。
Right.
正确的。
Exactly.
确切地。
But like, you know, there's like 100,000 people.
但是，你知道，大约有 100,000 人。
It's not that terrible to love something that can perish.
爱一个会消亡的东西并没有那么可怕。
[LAUGHS]
[笑]
Well, from WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life, distributed by Public Radio International.
好吧，这是芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》，由国际公共广播电台发行。
Today on our show, stories of people looking for and finding the one person out there who is just for them, even if it is just a pleasant lie that there is just one person out there for each of us.
今天在我们的节目中，讲述了人们寻找并找到适合他们的人的故事，即使这只是一个令人愉快的谎言，即我们每个人都只有一个人。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, "It's Not Over Till the Fat Man Sings." What's amazing about this guy who you're about to hear next is that he kind of decides that this girl is for him, and he pursues this girl against some really tough odds, even before he's fully in love with the girl.
第一幕“胖子唱歌之前还没有结束”。你接下来要听到的这个男人的惊人之处在于，他有点决定这个女孩适合他，并且他在非常困难的情况下追求这个女孩，甚至在他完全爱上这个女孩之前。
Sarah Koenig tells what happened.
莎拉·柯尼格讲述了发生的事情。
This romance begins with a man named Bao Gong, a strong, masculine man.
这段爱情故事始于一个名叫包公的男人，他是一个坚强、阳刚的男人。
An incorruptible judge.
一位廉洁的法官。
Bao Gong was a famous character in Beijing Opera.
包公是京剧中的著名人物。
And In 1995, he was played, briefly, by a 6'3" 250-pound white guy from the Midwest named Eric Hayot.
1995 年，他的对手是一位身高 6 英尺 3 英寸、体重 250 磅的中西部白人埃里克·海约特 (Eric Hayot)。
And then there was the really-- there was this fast part where he's reading the scroll.
然后是真正的——他正在阅读卷轴的快速部分。
It was like-- [SINGING]
就像——[唱歌]
Oh, now I'm not going to remember the rest.
哦，现在我不记得剩下的了。
I don't know where it goes.
我不知道它去哪儿了。
I thought I could handle it.
我以为我能应付。
But it's something like that.
但就是这样。
Eric didn't really set out to sing the part of Bao Gong.
艾瑞克并不是真的打算唱包公这个角色。
He was 23 years old at the time and on an exchange program in Tianjin, learning Chinese.
当时他23岁，正在天津进行交流项目，学习中文。
He took an opera class on a lark, and after a couple of months of baffling rehearsals, found himself on stage dressed in a heavy silken and velvet robe, head shaved, face completely covered in black, red, and white makeup, and hanging down like a thick curtain from his chin, a perfectly straight, two-foot-long black beard.
他兴高采烈地参加了一堂歌剧课，经过几个月莫名其妙的排练，发现自己站在舞台上，穿着一件厚重的丝绸和天鹅绒长袍，剃着光头，脸上完全涂满了黑、红、白的妆容，下巴上垂下两英尺长的黑胡子，像一块厚厚的窗帘。
To prepare for this moment, Eric's teacher had given him a cassette tape of the part, singing the entire thing and even imitating the instruments so Eric would know his cues.
为了准备这一刻，埃里克的老师给了他一盘该部分的盒式磁带，他唱了整首曲子，甚至模仿了乐器，这样埃里克就能知道他的提示。
And I had no idea what those sounds referred to.
我不知道这些声音指的是什么。
I'd actually never heard the objects that made those sounds.
事实上我从来没有听过发出这些声音的物体。
And then on the tape, there'd be this-- "Tsung, xie, xie, tsung, xie, xie, tsung." And then I was supposed to start singing, right?
然后在磁带上，就会有这样的——“宗，谢，谢，宗，谢，谢，宗。”然后我就应该开始唱歌了，对吧？
He would also sing, like, "Nong-er, ning-er, ning-er, nong.
他还会唱“弄儿，弄儿，弄儿，弄。”
A-long, dong, dinger dong." And so all this stuff.
阿龙、咚、叮咚。”诸如此类。
And I was like, I don't know what that is, but OK.
我当时想，我不知道那是什么，但好吧。
And I knew I wasn't supposed to sing it, right?
我知道我不应该唱这首歌，对吧？
But I kind of-- so then we walk in, and there's an instrument going-- not exactly "Nong-er, nong-er, ning-er, nong," but something like it.
但我有点——所以我们走进去，有一个乐器在演奏——不完全是“弄儿，弄儿，宁儿，弄”，而是类似的东西。
The sound was coming from a jing erhu, a two-stringed instrument that's played upright with a horsehair bow.
声音来自京二胡，这是一种用马毛弓直立演奏的两弦乐器。
And playing it across the rehearsal room from Eric that day was a 19-year-old musician named Yuanyuan Di.
那天，在埃里克对面的排练室演奏这首曲子的是一位名叫袁媛迪的 19 岁音乐家。
I mean I remember-- I just could not stop looking at her.
我是说我记得——我就是无法停止看着她。
And it was incredibly intense.
而且非常激烈。
I remember, I couldn't stop staring at her.
我记得，我无法停止盯着她看。
And I mean, this is a ridiculous thing to remember.
我的意思是，记住这是一件荒谬的事情。
Her back was very, very, very straight.
她的背非常非常直。
Just something about her posture was incredibly compelling to me.
只是她的姿势对我来说非常有吸引力。
And she just looked very beautiful, and she was incredibly beautiful.
而且她看起来非常美丽，而且美丽得令人难以置信。
And so I was sitting on the other side of the room, trying to figure out how I was going to get to meet her, knowing that my Chinese was not adequate to the task of actually having a conversation with her.
所以我坐在房间的另一边，试图弄清楚如何才能见到她，因为我知道我的中文不足以完成与她实际交谈的任务。
I'm going to go ahead and kill the suspense right here and tell you that Eric gets the girl.
我要继续消除悬念，告诉你埃里克得到了那个女孩。
So of course, they did meet.
所以，当然，他们确实见面了。
Yuanyuan's teacher introduced them.
媛媛的老师介绍了他们。
Here's Yuanyuan.
这里是媛媛。
I'm not used to seeing such a tall and a big person in my life, so I felt a little intimidated by having to look up all the time.
我不习惯在生活中看到这么高大的人，所以我因为必须一直抬头而感到有点害怕。
So yeah, it's the first time in talking to a foreign-looking and a foreign-speaking person.
是的，这是第一次与一个长相像外国人、说外国语的人交谈。
I was a little nervous, yeah.
我有点紧张，是的。
Somehow they agreed to meet outside rehearsal.
不知何故，他们同意在排练外见面。
Neither remembers much about that first encounter, except that it was pleasant and proper, and there was a dictionary in constant use.
两人都不太记得第一次见面的事，只记得那次见面是愉快而恰当的，而且还有一本经常使用的字典。
Their first real date was for lunch.
他们第一次真正的约会是吃午餐。
Yuanyuan invited him to a fancy restaurant.
媛媛邀请他去一家高级餐厅。
It was her first time ever eating at such an expensive place.
她还是第一次在这么贵的地方吃饭。
They both tried hard to be sophisticated, but the culture divide nearly defeated them.
他们都努力让自己变得世故，但文化差异几乎击败了他们。
She was doing this very Chinese thing, which is to order crazy amounts of food, just crazy amounts of food.
她正在做一件非常中国化的事情，那就是点疯狂数量的食物，疯狂数量的食物。
I mean, like 10 dishes for two people.
我的意思是，两个人吃10道菜。
I mean like an enormous amount of food.
我的意思是像大量的食物。
And also, the weirder and more exotic stuff is, the more kind of you're showing your hospitality.
而且，越奇怪、越异国情调的东西，你就越能表现出你的热情好客。
And I ordered something, some kind of a bird, either a pigeon or even smaller bird, that is maybe deep-fried with every part on the table?
我点了一些东西，某种鸟，要么是鸽子，要么是更小的鸟，也许桌子上的每个部分都被油炸了？
And for Chinese people, lot of people do eat every part.
对于中国人来说，很多人确实把每个部分都吃掉了。
The feet, the head, the eyes, and so on.
脚、头、眼睛等等。
And so I was just eating stuff, and I had no idea what I was eating.
所以我只是在吃东西，而且我不知道自己在吃什么。
And so at one point, I put this thing in my mouth.
所以有一次，我把这个东西放进了嘴里。
And he just casually carry on the conversation and put the head into his mouth.
而他只是漫不经心地继续谈话，把头放进嘴里。
And I bite down, and it's hard.
我咬下去，很难。
And I think, oh, no. Like, what is this thing?
我想，哦，不。比如，这是什么东西？
And then I thought, well maybe it's like an M&M, and if I suck on it, it'll disintegrate.
然后我想，也许它就像一颗巧克力豆，如果我吮吸它，它就会分解。
You know, because I had no idea, right?
你知道，因为我不知道，对吧？
So I kind of, you know-- [SUCKING NOISE]-- suck on it for a while.
所以我有点，你知道的——[吸吮噪音]——吸了一会儿。
I was thinking, wow, he must really like it.
我在想，哇，他一定很喜欢它。
I don't eat head.
我不吃头。
I know my mom eats, but I absolutely hate it.
我知道我妈妈吃东西，但我绝对讨厌它。
I don't even want to look at it.
我连看都不想看。
And so I'm like, oh, I'm going to have to take this out of my mouth.
所以我想，哦，我得把这话从我嘴里说出来。
And you know, that's not great.
你知道，这不太好。
And so I take it out of my mouth and I put it on the plate, and I point at the dish it came from.
于是我把它从嘴里拿出来放在盘子上，然后指着它来自的盘子。
And I say to Yuanyuan, "What is that?" And she says, "Oh, it's blah, blah, blah," right?
我对媛媛说：“那是什么？”她说，“哦，这是废话，废话，废话，”对吧？
This word that I had never heard.
这个词我从来没有听说过。
And I say, well, what's that?
我说，好吧，那是什么？
And she says the word or the thing that it is.
她说出了这个词或它所指的东西。
And at precisely the instant which I grasped that word, I have this kind of total epiphanic clarity of the object on the plate in front of me, which is the head, with beak and eye, of a bird.
就在我抓住这个词的那一刻，我对面前盘子上的物体有了一种完全的顿悟，那是一只鸟的头，有喙和眼睛。
Right?
对吗？
Like this just terrifying thing that I had sucked on, let me just say.
就像我吸过的这个可怕的东西一样，让我说一下。
So like, whatever brains were in the bird, I ate those, right?
就像，无论鸟里有什么大脑，我都吃了它们，对吗？
And so, like, all of that came to me.
就这样，所有这些都发生在我身上。
And I freak out.
我吓坏了。
Just saying over and over, in a really high-pitched, kind of squealy, frightened voice, "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," in English.
只是用英语一遍又一遍地用一种非常高亢、尖叫、惊恐的声音说“哦，我的上帝，哦，我的上帝，哦，我的上帝”。
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," many, many times, repeatedly, one after the other.
“天啊，天啊，天啊”，一遍又一遍，很多很多次。
And his hands just sprung up in the air and down.
他的双手在空中弹起又落下。
And I didn't know what was happening.
我不知道发生了什么事。
I was just thinking, why was he so dramatically upset with the bird head?
我只是在想，为什么他对鸟头如此不满？
I had no idea.
我不知道。
So if you don't eat it, you just don't put it in your mouth.
所以，如果你不吃它，你就不会把它放进嘴里。
But why so scared?
但为什么这么害怕呢？
They had a couple more dates, even though they both knew it couldn't possibly go anywhere.
他们又约会了几次，尽管他们都知道不可能有任何结果。
Eric was leaving China in two weeks.
埃里克将在两周后离开中国。
They spent a day in Beijing, where he almost lost her in a crowded train station.
他们在北京待了一天，他差点在拥挤的火车站里失去了她。
And she invited him to an opera performance.
她邀请他去看歌剧表演。
But Tianjin flooded that day, and it took him hours to reach her, slogging through the filthy water in bare feet.
但那天天津发洪水了，他光着脚艰难地走过脏水，花了好几个小时才找到她。
And I remember, at the time, that she was not nearly impressed enough by my having walked through the flood.
我记得，当时，她对我走过洪水的经历并没有留下足够的印象。
I remember thinking-- like, she saw me, and she was like, oh, hey, how are you doing?
我记得我当时想——就像，她看到了我，然后她就说，哦，嘿，你好吗？
And I'd been trying for literally two hours to get to her, right?
我花了两个小时才找到她，对吗？
And she was just like, oh, good to see you.
她只是说，哦，很高兴见到你。
But that desperation of, like, needing to find the person.
但那种绝望，就像需要找到那个人一样。
I remember that twice, really intensely, both on the day of the flood and the day of the train station, just the sense that you have to find this person.
我记得两次，真的很强烈，在洪水发生的那天和在火车站的那天，就是你必须找到这个人的感觉。
And you know, that kind of is overwhelming.
你知道，这种感觉是压倒性的。
I'm teaching Proust this week, and so there's this moment in Proust where Swann is falling in love with Odette.
这周我在教普鲁斯特，所以在普鲁斯特的这个时刻，斯旺爱上了奥黛特。
But the way he realizes that he's falling in love with her is he goes to the party that he's supposed to meet her at, and she's already gone.
但当他去参加他应该与她见面的聚会时，她却已经走了，他才意识到自己爱上了她。
And then he drives his carriage through Paris, and he's going in and out of all these restaurants, and stuff.
然后他开着马车穿过巴黎，进出所有这些餐馆之类的东西。
And it's all about how the act of looking for her causes him, in some sense, not only to recognize that he's in love with her, but also actually to kind of really fall in love with her.
这一切都是关于寻找她的行为如何让他在某种意义上不仅认识到他爱她，而且实际上真正爱上了她。
Eric wasn't in love with Yuanyuan, exactly, but he was in serious crush.
确切地说，艾瑞克并不爱媛媛，但他真的很迷恋。
And then he went home to America and more or less let it go.
然后他回到美国的家，或多或少地放下了它。
She wrote a letter and he answered it, and she wrote again, and he never even read the second letter.
她写了一封信，他回了信，然后她又写了一封信，而他甚至没有读过第二封信。
It was just too much work deciphering the Chinese.
破译中文的工作量太大了。
So that was that.
就是这样。
Yuanyuan went off to conservatory in Beijing to study the jing erhu and opera, and didn't think too much about Eric, either.
媛媛去了北京的音乐学院学习京二胡和京剧，也没有太想艾瑞克。
After all, they hadn't kissed or anything.
毕竟，他们没有接吻什么的。
Hadn't even held hands.
连手都没有牵过。
But two years later, in 1997, Eric decided to go back to China to study, this time for a year.
但两年后，即1997年，艾瑞克决定回中国学习，这次是一年。
He started thinking about Yuanyuan again.
他又开始想起媛媛了。
I certainly had kind of dreamed, imagined, fantasized, whatever, about getting together with her.
我确实曾经梦想过，想象过，幻想过，无论如何，与她在一起。
I also knew that, you know, it was two years, and that we hadn't talked.
我也知道，你知道，已经两年了，我们没有说过话。
Did you feel like you even knew her, considering the language barrier and the cultural barrier?
考虑到语言障碍和文化障碍，您是否觉得自己认识她？
Do you know what I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
Did you feel like you had a sense of who she was, even?
你是否觉得你知道她是谁？
You know, that's a really good question.
你知道，这是一个非常好的问题。
You know, I don't know.
你知道，我不知道。
No. I mean, I guess looking back now, no, right?
不，我的意思是，我想现在回想起来，不，对吧？
I don't think that-- if you'd asked me that at the time, I would have denied it vociferously.
我不认为——如果你当时问我这个问题，我会大声否认。
But I mean, what could I know?
但我的意思是，我能知道什么？
I mean, what did I know?
我的意思是，我知道什么？
I knew her smile.
我熟悉她的笑容。
I knew, like, the angle of her back.
我知道她背部的角度。
But I honestly hadn't really thought it out too much.
但老实说我并没有想太多。
I was pretty focused on finding her and hadn't really thought past the finding her.
我非常专注于寻找她，并没有真正考虑过寻找她的事情。
And so I had her phone number.
所以我有她的电话号码。
So I called that number, and I got a "this number's been disconnected" message.
于是我拨打了那个号码，却收到一条“该号码已被挂断”的消息。
Right?
对吗？
Though I barely understood, so I had to actually call three or four times to listen to the message, the person speaking.
虽然我几乎听不懂，所以我实际上不得不打电话三四次才能听到消息、说话的人。
And so then I was lost, right?
然后我就迷路了，对吧？
I had no way to find her.
我没办法找到她。
And so I guess I decided I would go and look for her.
所以我想我决定去找她。
This is an insanely ambitious proposition.
这是一个极其雄心勃勃的提议。
Beijing is a city of roughly 15 million people.
北京是一座拥有大约 1500 万人口的城市。
There are probably more than 100 universities there.
那里可能有超过 100 所大学。
And all Eric's got is her name, her picture, and the fact that she plays the jing erhu.
艾瑞克所拥有的只是她的名字、她的照片以及她演奏京二胡的事实。
There's no phone book, no internet.
没有电话簿，没有互联网。
But he doesn't think any of that matters.
但他认为这些都不重要。
So a few days after he arrives in Beijing, he simply asks around for the name of a university with a good music department.
所以到了北京没几天，他就简单地打听了一所音乐系不错的大学的名字。
Then he gets in a cab, shows the driver the address.
然后他上了一辆出租车，向司机展示了地址。
His Chinese is terrible at this point, but he remembers the word for office, and so finds his way to the music department and asks about Yuanyuan Di.
他的中文现在很糟糕，但他记得办公室这个词，所以他找到了音乐系，询问了袁媛的情况。
A nice older lady informs him that Yuanyuan isn't a student there, but why doesn't he try another place, an opera school?
一位和蔼可亲的老太太告诉他，圆圆不是那里的学生，但他为什么不试试另一个地方，戏曲学校呢？
So he gets in another cab, which gets lost and then finally finds it.
于是他上了另一辆出租车，但出租车迷路了，最后终于找到了。
And Eric goes to the office of the second music school.
艾瑞克去了第二音乐学校的办公室。
It's a middle and high school, but Eric doesn't know that.
这是一所初中和高中，但埃里克不知道。
And I start explaining, you know, who I am.
我开始解释，你知道，我是谁。
So I'm like, excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you.
所以我想，对不起，很抱歉打扰你。
And there's like four or five people there, and they're all smoking.
那里大约有四五个人，他们都在抽烟。
They're all drinking tea.
他们都在喝茶。
It's kind of classic Chinese afternoon, no one's working, kind of thing.
这是典型的中国下午，没有人工作，类似的事情。
And one person's kind of dealing with me, but everyone's just totally paying attention, because it's weird.
一个人在和我打交道，但每个人都完全关注，因为这很奇怪。
And I have the photo, and I have Yuanyuan's name.
我有照片，还有媛媛的名字。
And I'm explaining that I met this young woman a couple years ago in Tianjin, and I was singing Chinese opera.
我要解释的是，几年前我在天津遇到了这位年轻女子，当时我正在唱中国戏曲。
And like, oh, you sing Chinese opera?
比如说，哦，你唱京剧吗？
I was like, well, a little bit, and I'm not very good at it.
我当时想，嗯，有一点，但我不太擅长。
And they all laugh.
他们都笑了。
And this is like part of my trick.
这就像我的伎俩的一部分。
Eric's trick, what he was banking on, was his erstwhile stardom.
埃里克的伎俩，他所指望的，就是他昔日的明星地位。
Two years earlier, when he had sung the part of Bao Gong, the famous judge, he had become momentarily famous.
两年前，他因出演著名判官包公一角而名声大噪。
He was all over the radio and on TV, talking and singing.
他在广播和电视上到处说话、唱歌。
Even Yuanyuan's grandparents had seen his picture in the papers.
就连圆圆的爷爷奶奶都在报纸上看到了他的照片。
So when faced with any difficult situation in China, he knew he had this secret power, which he could deploy at will.
所以当中国面临任何困难的时候，他知道自己拥有这种秘密的力量，可以随意运用。
Apparently, Chinese people really like seeing foreigners do Chinese stuff.
显然，中国人很喜欢看到外国人做中国事。
Kung fu, calligraphy--
功夫、书法——
And they really, really like seeing foreigners sing Chinese songs, to the point that there was a show on television every year called Foreigners Sing Chinese Songs .
而且他们非常非常喜欢看外国人唱中国歌，以至于每年电视上都会有一档节目叫《外国人唱中国歌》。
Like a special?
喜欢特别的吗？
Eric Hayot Like a special, yeah.
埃里克·海约特（Eric Hayot）喜欢特别节目，是的。
Like the once-a-year special, Foreigners Sing Chinese Songs.
和一年一度的特别节目《老外唱中国歌》一样。
And, you know, there's no equivalent of that in the United States.
而且，你知道，美国没有类似的情况。
And so there's this fascination, and the fascination is two-fold, right?
所以就有了这种魅力，而且这种魅力是双重的，对吗？
The fascination, first, comes from a sense of a kind of cultural inferiority, especially at the time, which any Western investment in things Chinese was taken to be a sign of respect.
这种迷恋首先来自于一种文化自卑感，尤其是在当时，任何西方对中国事物的投资都被视为尊重的标志。
And then, but also very clearly a sense of, like, watch the monkey sing a song.
然后，又很清晰的感觉到，就像，看猴子唱一首歌。
I mean, you know, it doesn't matter how well the monkey sings.
我的意思是，你知道，猴子唱得多好并不重要。
Because if the monkey's singing a song, that's already impressive, because it's a monkey and it's a song, right?
因为如果猴子在唱一首歌，那就已经令人印象深刻了，因为它是一只猴子，而且是一首歌，对吧？
So knowing what I did about how much Chinese love Peking opera, and these people I'd never seen-- so I figured if I could make this happen.
所以我知道我做了什么让中国人如此热爱京剧，还有这些我从未见过的人——所以我想我是否可以实现这一目标。
And I end up singing for them.
最后我为他们唱歌。
Again, here's that fast part.
再说一次，这是快速的部分。
Eric Hayot [SINGING OPERA]
埃里克·海约特 [歌剧]
Sarah Koenig It works.
莎拉·柯尼格 有效。
Everybody claps.
大家都鼓掌。
Everyone's happy.
每个人都很高兴。
He ends up hanging out with the staff for two hours.
他最终和工作人员一起闲逛了两个小时。
And finally, someone calls someone else, and it turns out Yuanyuan's former teacher happens to be at the high school that day.
最后，有人给别人打电话，原来圆圆以前的老师那天正好在高中。
And all of a sudden, Eric gets news.
突然，埃里克得到了消息。
Yuanyuan has graduated from the conservatory, which anyway is in a different building, a half hour away.
媛媛已经从音乐学院毕业了，无论如何，音乐学院在另一栋楼里，距离半小时路程。
But he's got her beeper number.
但他有她的寻呼机号码。
And then it takes three days where to figure out how to beep her properly.
然后花了三天时间才弄清楚如何正确地给她发出嘟嘟声。
And meanwhile, Yuanyuan has stopped responding to the beep.
与此同时，圆圆已经不再回应提示音了。
She thinks maybe a friend is playing a trick on her.
她认为也许是朋友在捉弄她。
But finally, they connect on the phone.
但最后，他们通过电话联系了。
Yuanyuan is stunned.
媛媛愣住了。
He said his name.
他说出了他的名字。
I thought, couldn't be.
我想，不可能。
But how could he know my phone number?
但他怎么会知道我的电话号码呢？
How could he even call me?
他怎么可能给我打电话？
That's impossible.
那是不可能的。
I tried to ask all these questions, but he clearly lost almost all his Chinese language.
我试图问所有这些问题，但他显然几乎失去了所有的中文。
So he couldn't really explain things.
所以他无法真正解释事情。
So he said, could you meet me?
于是他就说，你能见见我吗？
I said yes, when?
我说是啊，什么时候？
He said, tomorrow?
他说，明天呢？
I said, sure.
我说，当然。
She's more than an hour late, and sure he'll be gone by the time she arrives.
她迟到了一个多小时，等她到达时他肯定已经走了。
But he isn't.
但他不是。
He's sitting there, waiting.
他坐在那里，等待着。
He looks different to her.
他在她看来不一样。
He's got hair on his head and his face.
他的头上和脸上都有头发。
And she looks different to him, too.
而且她在他看来也不同。
Not as luminous as she'd been in his imagination.
她并不像他想象中的那么光彩照人。
But they have a nice walk, and now that he's got a whole year in China, they start spending time together.
但他们散步得很愉快，现在他在中国待了一整年，他们开始花时间在一起。
A lot of time.
很多时间。
And as the weeks go by, Eric is trying to figure out how to kiss her-- Surprisingly difficult.
几周过去了，埃里克正在尝试弄清楚如何亲吻她——出乎意料地困难。
She just did not help me, like, at all.
她只是根本没有帮助我。
I mean like at all, at all.
我的意思是完全喜欢，完全喜欢。
And so I would try to do these things that were like-- OK, so this is a perfect example of why things were confusing.
所以我会尝试做这些事情，就像——好吧，这是一个完美的例子，说明了为什么事情会令人困惑。
So we're walking down a street.
所以我们走在一条街上。
I nudge her with my shoulder, the way that you do, like, when you're flirting with someone, right?
我用肩膀轻推她，就像你和某人调情时那样，对吧？
She-- I only find this out later, because we talked about it.
她——我后来才知道这一点，因为我们讨论过。
She thinks, oh, like, he's kind of a clumsy walker.
她想，哦，好像，他走路有点笨拙。
I should move further away from him.
我应该离他远一点。
I nudge her again.
我又推了推她。
She thinks, oh, maybe he's trying to tell me I should walk on the other side of him, and she switches sides.
她想，哦，也许他是想告诉我，我应该走在他的另一边，然后她换了一边。
So she's, like, totally incapable of reading the codes.
所以她完全无法阅读代码。
I mean, just like last week, we were watching a movie where some guy nudged some woman, and I was like, hey, see that?
我的意思是，就像上周一样，我们正在看一部电影，其中某个男人轻推了某个女人，我当时想，嘿，看到了吗？
See that?
看到了吗？
That's how it works.
这就是它的工作原理。
That's how you know, right?
你就是这样知道的，对吧？
But she had just no capacity.
但她就是没有能力。
I sensed that he wanted to kiss me, but I was not ready, or shy, or just tried to shy away.
我感觉到他想吻我，但我还没有准备好，或者害羞，或者只是试图回避。
So I just tried to pretend I didn't pick up the signal, I guess.
所以我想我只是假装我没有收到信号。
No. Sarah Koenig So that was your first kiss.
不，莎拉·科尼格（Sarah Koenig）所以那是你的初吻。
Yeah.
是的。
Sarah Koenig Eventually Yuanyuan heard all the details of how Eric tracked her down.
莎拉·凯尼格最终圆圆听到了艾瑞克如何追踪她的所有细节。
He was hoping she would think it was romantic, how he searched for her, and her alone, in a city of so many millions.
他希望她会觉得他在这座拥有数百万人的城市中寻找她，而且独自寻找她的方式很浪漫。
Nope.
没有。
First thing came to mind was crazy.
我首先想到的是疯狂。
I wouldn't do the same.
我不会做同样的事。
Yeah.
是的。
I thought, why would you go through all this trouble?
我想，你为什么要经历这些麻烦呢？
Because people are everywhere.
因为人无处不在。
Why do you want to go through the trouble just to find one particular person?
为什么你要费尽心思去寻找一个特定的人？
If this is a-- reverse the story, I was in Eric's position, I wouldn't do the same at all.
如果这是一个——相反的故事，我处于埃里克的位置，我根本不会做同样的事情。
Still, it's kind of a puzzle to me.
尽管如此，这对我来说还是一个谜。
[LAUGHS] I wouldn't go to a huge city trying to track down one person.
[笑]我不会去一座大城市去寻找一个人。
I just think that's too much work.
我只是觉得这工作量太大了。
He's more romantic than I am.
他比我更浪漫。
I'm more practical.
我比较实际。
I think there's a saying in Chinese.
我觉得中国有一句话。
It's [CHINESE].
是[中文]。
It means what is meant to be is meant to be.
这意味着该是的就是该是的。
You don't have to look really hard, especially when it comes to relationships.
你不必非常努力地寻找，尤其是在人际关系方面。
There's a specific time and location that are meant for the two of you to meet to get together, and you just have to wait for your turn.
两个人见面有特定的时间和地点，你只需要等待轮到你。
And that's something you cannot request, basically.
基本上，这是你无法要求的。
After Eric left China that year, Yuanyuan came to the States on a 90-day fiancee visa, meaning if they didn't get married within 90 days, she'd have to leave, and probably not be able to return.
那年Eric离开中国后，媛媛持90天未婚妻签证来到美国，这意味着如果他们在90天内没有结婚，她就必须离开，而且很可能回不来。
So they did get married.
所以他们确实结婚了。
But neither of them was really ready at the time.
但当时他们俩都没有真正准备好。
And in the first few years, Eric says it was really hard.
埃里克说，在最初的几年里，这真的很难。
The novelty had worn off, and the framework of their entire relationship was an ocean away.
新鲜感已经消失，他们整个关系的框架已经远在天边。
And now here they were, realizing they didn't actually know each other all that well.
现在他们来到这里，意识到他们实际上并没有那么了解彼此。
During that time, they often found themselves telling people the story of how they met and fell in love.
在那段时间里，他们经常向人们讲述他们如何相遇并坠入爱河的故事。
And I think we lived on that, and it helped us.
我认为我们以此为生，这对我们很有帮助。
And it helped us be brave.
它帮助我们变得勇敢。
You know, and reinforced to us, to each other, this sense of the magic of our relationship, and the sort of fairytale nature of it.
你知道，这种对我们关系的魔力及其童话般的本质的感觉，对我们、对彼此来说都得到了强化。
And I think that we needed that more.
我认为我们还需要更多。
Right?
正确的？
Like you think, like, oh, you know, a story that starts that way, how could it end up badly?
就像你想的那样，哦，你知道，一个这样开始的故事，怎么可能有糟糕的结局呢？
After going through those rough years, when they even considered splitting up, the story of how they met came to feel less and less important, and they didn't talk about it as much.
经历了那些艰难的岁月，当他们甚至考虑分手时，他们的相遇故事变得越来越不重要，他们也不再谈论它。
Now they have a different story.
现在他们有了不同的故事。
Which is the story of struggle, and pain passed through and fought through and overcome.
这是一个奋斗的故事，痛苦经历了、战胜了、克服了。
And you know, that's a story that you don't tell in public.
你知道，这是一个你不会在公共场合讲述的故事。
Because no one ever asks, how did you two stay together?
因为从来没有人问过，你们两个是怎么在一起的？
Everyone always asks, how did you two meet?
总是有人问，你们两个是怎么认识的？
Minus the singing, and the long black beard, and the jing erhu, and the beeper, and all the rest of it, Eric and Yuanyuan had to make that same transition that all couples do, from the crazy-in-love stage to the other thing.
除去歌声、长长的黑胡子、京二胡、传呼机，以及所有其他的东西，艾瑞克和媛媛必须做出所有情侣都会做的同样的转变，从疯狂的恋爱阶段到其他的事情。
The hard part of love.
爱情中最困难的部分。
And it's when you're in that struggle that you most need the story of how you're meant to be.
当你陷入困境时，你最需要讲述你应该成为什么样的人的故事。
Because the alternative, that the person you're with could be any one of hundreds or thousands of other people-- well, if that's true, then why even try?
因为另一种选择是，和你在一起的人可能是成百上千的其他人中的任何一个——好吧，如果这是真的，那为什么还要尝试呢？
Sarah Koenig is one of the producers of our show.
莎拉·科尼格是我们节目的制片人之一。
Coming up-- OK, if you found the one, the one for you, the one you've been looking for, how can you still be number two?
即将到来——好吧，如果你找到了那个，那个适合你的，那个你一直在寻找的，你怎么还能是第二呢？
Answers in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International, when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续进行时，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将在一分钟内答复。
This American Life.
这美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our show, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's show-- "Somewhere Out There." Stories of people searching for that one person who'll understand them in a way that nobody else does.
今天的节目——《在外面的某个地方》。人们寻找那个能够以一种其他人无法做到的方式理解他们的人的故事。
We've arrived at Act Two of our show now.
现在我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。
Act Two, "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend."
第二幕“我女朋友的男朋友”。
Comedian Mike Birbiglia has this story of some of the extreme things that some of us put up with when we believe that we have found the one person in the world for us.
喜剧演员迈克·比尔比利亚（Mike Birbiglia）讲了一个故事，讲述了当我们相信自己已经找到了世界上最适合自己的人时，我们中的一些人忍受了一些极端的事情。
He recorded this in front of a live audience.
他在现场观众面前录制了这段视频。
And quick warning-- there's not really any sexual, prurient content in this story, but Mike does refer to the fact that sex exists and happens between people.
快速警告——这个故事中实际上没有任何性、淫荡的内容，但迈克确实提到了性存在并发生在人与人之间的事实。
When I was a senior in high school, I had my first girlfriend, Amanda.
当我高中四年级时，我有了我的第一个女朋友，阿曼达。
And this was a big deal for me, because it was that first time you fall in love, where you're like, oh, there is someone for me.
这对我来说很重要，因为这是你第一次坠入爱河，你会想，哦，有人适合我。
You know, this is it.
你知道，就是这样。
I've found her.
我找到她了。
And she was great.
她很棒。
She was so beautiful, and she played tennis, and she wrote for the newspaper, and she was a bad girl.
她是如此美丽，她打网球，她为报纸撰稿，她是一个坏女孩。
And I was a kind of dorky nerd, kind of an outcast.
我是一个傻乎乎的书呆子，一个被遗弃的人。
This was at a boarding school that I didn't board at.
这是在一所我没有寄宿的寄宿学校。
I was only there because my family lived nearby.
我在那里只是因为我的家人住在附近。
And she had major street cred.
她在街头享有盛誉。
She had been expelled from her previous school for dealing acid.
她因贩卖酸而被之前的学校开除。
I remember at one point, she said it was totally messed up, because it was actually this other girl who was dealing acid, and I was framed.
我记得有一次，她说事情完全搞砸了，因为实际上是另一个女孩在卖酸，而我被陷害了。
And I was like, awesome.
我当时想，太棒了。
I thought it was one of those things where we were opposites, and we knew it, and that made it more exciting.
我认为这是我们截然相反的事情之一，我们知道这一点，这使得它更加令人兴奋。
Like, where she wanted to be a writer and in student government, and I wanted to know what it was like to be cool.
比如，她想成为一名作家和学生会，而我想知道变酷是什么感觉。
Well, I find that when you fall in love, you tend to overlook certain red flags.
嗯，我发现当你坠入爱河时，你往往会忽视某些危险信号。
One of them was that she was a liar.
其中之一就是她是个骗子。
And I don't mean that in an offensive way.
我的意思并不是带有攻击性的。
At boarding school, lying is something of a way of life.
在寄宿学校，说谎是一种生活方式。
I remember, there was this one guy in my class.
我记得，我班上有一个人。
He was a legendary liar.
他是一个传奇的骗子。
His name was Keith Robbins.
他的名字叫基思·罗宾斯。
And he used to lick his fingers like a bookie.
他常常像赌徒一样舔手指。
He would go, "Yeah.
他会说：“是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Nice.
不错。
Nice.
不错。
Nice."
不错。”
And he would lie about things that weren't important.
而且他会在不重要的事情上撒谎。
Like he'd be like, "Yeah.
就像他会说：“是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Nice.
不错。
My uncle's Tony Robbins, motivational speaker.
我叔叔的托尼·罗宾斯是一位励志演说家。
Yeah.
是的。
Nice." And I found out later that that wasn't even true.
不错。”后来我发现事实并非如此。
But even if it were, it wouldn't be that impressive, you know?
但即使是这样，也不会那么令人印象深刻，你知道吗？
And so you didn't bother protesting it.
所以你没有费心去抗议。
You'd just go, "Oh, OK, Keith."
你只需说：“哦，好吧，基思。”
The other red flag was that Amanda used to say really mean stuff to me, and then she'd say, "Only kidding." She'd be like, "You're not good at anything.
另一个危险信号是阿曼达常常对我说一些非常刻薄的话，然后她会说，“只是开玩笑。”她会说：“你什么都不擅长。
Only kidding." "Nobody likes you at all.
开玩笑而已。” “根本没有人喜欢你。
Only kidding."
开玩笑而已。”
The final red flag was that she told me not to tell anyone she was my girlfriend.
最后的危险信号是她告诉我不要告诉任何人她是我的女朋友。
She had another boyfriend at home that she was in the process of breaking up with.
她家里还有另一个男朋友，但她正准备分手。
And it was over, but if it got back to him, you know, it would be bad.
一切都结束了，但如果这件事又传到他身上，你知道，那就糟糕了。
So she would go home every weekend and visit him.
所以她每个周末都会回家看望他。
And at one point she said she had to go home more frequently because his parents were sick, so she had to console him in that.
有一次，她说她必须更频繁地回家，因为他的父母生病了，所以她必须安慰他。
And I thought, well, you know, the guy's parents are dying, so I ought to be understanding.
我想，嗯，你知道，那家伙的父母快要去世了，所以我应该理解。
I also put up with it because I couldn't believe how lucky I was just to be with her.
我也忍受了，因为我不敢相信我能和她在一起是多么幸运。
Like in retrospect, I understand how selfish she was.
现在回想起来，我明白她是多么自私。
But at the time, I didn't know that.
但当时我并不知道这一点。
When you're in a relationship with someone who's selfish, what keeps you in it is the fact that when they shine on you, it's like this souped-up shine.
当你和一个自私的人处于一段关系中时，让你保持这种关系的原因是，当他们在你身上发光时，就像这种增强的光芒一样。
And you feel like you're in the club, and you don't even know what the club is.
你感觉自己就在俱乐部里，但你甚至不知道俱乐部是什么。
You just know you want to stay in it.
你只知道你想留在其中。
We'd been going out two months, and we went on Christmas break.
我们出去玩了两个月，圣诞节假期。
And she invited me to meet her parents in New Hampshire.
她邀请我去见见她在新罕布什尔州的父母。
And this was very exciting.
这非常令人兴奋。
This was going to be my big moment.
这将是我的重要时刻。
It would vindicate me and legitimize me as the main boyfriend.
这将证明我的清白，并使我作为主要男朋友的地位合法化。
And so I drive my mom's Volvo station wagon from Massachusetts to New Hampshire.
所以我开着妈妈的沃尔沃旅行车从马萨诸塞州到新罕布什尔州。
And I meet her parents, and it's going really well.
我还见到了她的父母，一切进展顺利。
And then this guy shows up, and his name is Scott.
然后这个人出现了，他的名字叫斯科特。
And then the three of us are hanging out.
然后我们三个就出去玩了。
And it dawns on me that I'm hanging out with my girlfriend's boyfriend.
我突然意识到我正在和我女朋友的男朋友一起出去玩。
And it's going OK?
一切顺利吗？
He seemed like a good guy.
他看上去是个好人。
He was an all-state wrestler.
他是一名全州摔跤手。
And he was remarkably nice.
而且他非常友善。
I could totally see what she saw in him.
我完全可以看出她在他身上看到了什么。
And there was some consolation, because every time he would go to the bathroom or go into the other room, she would be very affectionate towards me.
还有一些安慰，因为每次他去洗手间或进入另一个房间时，她都会对我非常友善。
She'd kiss my neck, or say something in her sweet voice.
她会亲吻我的脖子，或者用她甜美的声音说些什么。
But then there was a moment where I was in the bathroom.
但有一刻我在浴室里。
And I thought, what's happening in the other room?
我想，另一个房间里发生了什么？
The date took a strange turn when Scott suggests that we go hang out at his house.
当斯科特建议我们去他家玩时，约会发生了奇怪的转变。
And so we go, and I meet his parents.
我们就这样走了，我见到了他的父母。
And it's a very strange thing, meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time.
第一次见到女朋友的男朋友的父母是一件很奇怪的事情。
Part of you is angry, for obvious reasons, and then part of you still wants to make a good impression.
你的一部分因为显而易见的原因而生气，但你的一部分仍然想给人留下好印象。
As a side note, they seemed in perfect health.
顺便说一句，他们看起来非常健康。
I drive home, defeated.
我开车回家，失败了。
And I sort of knew that at this point, this was her life, and I was like her secret life, like on Maury Povich .
我有点知道，在这一点上，这就是她的生活，而我就像她的秘密生活，就像莫里·波维奇一样。
So I was like, this is it.
所以我想，就是这样。
I'm gonna stick up for myself.
我会为自己坚持下去。
It's either him or me.
要么是他，要么是我。
And I convinced myself that given that choice, she would go with me, because what we had was so special.
我说服自己，如果有这个选择，她会和我一起去，因为我们所拥有的是如此特别。
So when we got back to school, I called her and I said, "We need to talk.
所以当我们回到学校时，我打电话给她说：“我们需要谈谈。
Let's meet at the hockey game." And she says, "Great." So I go to the hockey game, and she's not there.
我们在曲棍球比赛中见面吧。”她说：“太好了。”所以我去看曲棍球比赛，但她不在。
Hockey game ends, still no sign.
曲棍球比赛结束了，仍然没有任何迹象。
I have that pit in my stomach, you know, like, this was going to be my moment.
我的胃里有一个坑，你知道，就像，这将是我的时刻。
And I was going to tell her that she had to pick me, or that's it.
我打算告诉她她必须选择我，或者就是这样。
And so I start walking around the school, to the library, the cafeteria, the places she might be.
于是我开始在学校里走来走去，去图书馆、自助餐厅，以及她可能去的地方。
And I ask people where she is, and finally someone says, "I saw her with Keith Robbins down at the tennis courts." I remembered earlier that day at lunch, Keith had said to me, "I'm sleeping with your girlfriend.
我问人们她在哪里，最后有人说：“我看到她和基思·罗宾斯在网球场上。”我记得那天早些时候吃午饭时，基思对我说：“我正在和你女朋友睡觉。
You know that, right?"
你知道这一点，对吧？”
And I thought, well, first of all, I hadn't even slept with my girlfriend, so that would be insane.
我想，好吧，首先，我什至没有和我的女朋友睡过，所以那太疯狂了。
And second of all, he's a liar, so he must be lying.
其次，他是个骗子，所以他一定是在撒谎。
I remember I said to him, yeah, I know.
我记得我对他说，是的，我知道。
But at this moment, it dawns on me that Keith was her new second boyfriend, and I was done.
但此时此刻，我突然意识到基思是她新的第二个男朋友，我就完了。
And it was that horrible lonely feeling where you're walking around someplace, and there are people all around, and there's only one person you want to be with, no matter how mean they've been to you.
这是一种可怕的孤独感，当你在某个地方走来走去，周围都是人，而你只想和一个人在一起，无论他们对你有多刻薄。
I just wanted to hear that "Only kidding."
我只是想听听“开玩笑”。
I remember people were coming up to me, and I couldn't even hear them.
我记得有人向我走来，但我什至听不见他们的声音。
I couldn't even tell them what had happened.
我什至无法告诉他们发生了什么事。
Because even though I was being dropped, the relationship itself was based on a secret.
因为即使我被解雇了，这段关系本身也是建立在一个秘密的基础上的。
And that spring, I graduated.
那年春天，我毕业了。
Keith was expelled for making fake IDs in his dorm room.
基思因在宿舍制作假身份证而被开除。
He had built a life-sized license from Arkansas that people stuck their face in.
他在阿肯色州制作了一张真人大小的许可证，人们可以把脸贴进去。
And he would photo it and then laminate it.
他会拍照然后将其层压。
He later took a job at Goldman Sachs.
后来他在高盛找到了一份工作。
That detail seems made-up.
这个细节似乎是编造的。
It's actually true.
这确实是真的。
And Amanda was expelled the next year for dealing Ritalin.
第二年，阿曼达因交易利他林而被开除。
At boarding school, you can't go to the graduation if you're expelled.
在寄宿学校，如果你被开除，你就不能参加毕业典礼。
It's one of the shames of being expelled.
这是被开除的耻辱之一。
And it's very strict.
而且非常严格。
And I found out later that Amanda actually did show up to the graduation in a disguise.
后来我发现阿曼达确实乔装出席了毕业典礼。
She wore a wig and sunglasses.
她戴着假发和太阳镜。
My friends laughed about this, the way that friends do to make you feel better when you've had your heart broken.
我的朋友们对此大笑，就像朋友们在你心碎时让你感觉好一些一样。
But I could relate to her doing that.
但我可以理解她这样做。
Because sometimes when you want to be in a place so badly, you'll do anything.
因为有时候当你非常想去一个地方时，你会做任何事情。
Mike Birbiglia.
迈克·比尔比利亚。
That story is part of a book that he's putting together called Sleepwalk With Me: And Other Stories .
这个故事是他整理的一本书的一部分，名为《与我一起梦游：还有其他故事》。
[MUSIC - "(I'D GO THE) WHOLE WIDE WORLD" BY WRECKLESS ERIC]
[音乐 - WRECKLESS ERIC 的“（我愿意去）整个世界”]
Credits Ira Glass Well, our program today was produced today by Jane Feltes, Robyn Semien, and me, with Alex Blumberg, Sarah Koenig, Lisa Pollak, Alissa Shipp, and Nancy Updike.
感谢 Ira Glass 嗯，我们今天的节目是由 Jane Feltes、Robyn Semien 和我以及 Alex Blumberg、Sarah Koenig、Lisa Pollak、Alissa Shipp 和 Nancy Updike 制作的。
Our senior producer's Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人朱莉·斯奈德。
Production help from Andy Dixon and Brian Reed.
安迪·迪克森 (Andy Dixon) 和布莱恩·里德 (Brian Reed) 为制作提供帮助。
Seth Lind is our production manager.
塞思·林德 (Seth Lind) 是我们的生产经理。
Emily Condon is our office manager.
艾米丽·康登 (Emily Condon) 是我们的办公室经理。
Music help from Jessica Hopper.
杰西卡·霍珀的音乐帮助。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
WBEZ management oversight for our program by our boss, Mr. Torey Malatia.
我们的老板 Torey Malatia 先生对我们的项目进行 WBEZ 管理监督。
You know, I gave Torey a tape of a recent show and I told him he had to listen to the show.
你知道，我给了托里一盘最近节目的磁带，我告诉他他必须听这个节目。
And he keeps making these excuses.
他一直在找这些借口。
He swears there is something wrong with the recording.
他发誓录音有问题。
And then on the tape, there'd be this-- "Tsung, xie, xie, tsung, xie, xie, tsung."
然后在磁带上，就会有这样的——“宗，谢，谢，宗，谢，谢，宗。”
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life .
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。