349: Valentine’s Day 2008 - This American Life

349：2008 年情人节

349 · This American Life · 原文

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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #349 | February 15, 2008 349: Valentine’s Day 2008 Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.

00:00 00:00 文字记录分享此美国生活生活伙伴如何收听剧集推荐关于概述员工公告奖学金工作音乐在路上制作电台常见问题解答提交商品联系我们我们的其他节目商品关注我们生活伙伴订阅我们的时事通讯整集切换音频和文字记录同步文字记录 | 内容第 349 集 | 2008 年 2 月 15 日 349：2008 年情人节注：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。

If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.

如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。

Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.

文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。

Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.

请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。

Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International it's This American Life .

序言 Ira Glass 来自芝加哥 WBEZ 和国际公共广播电台《这就是美国生活》。

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Love, love, love, love, love.

爱，爱，爱，爱，爱。

[MUSIC- "LOVE WALKED IN" BY FRANK SINATRA]

[音乐-弗兰克·辛纳屈的《爱走进来》]

What do we talk about when we talk about love?

当我们谈论爱情时，我们在谈论什么？

Well since the 13th century, this is what we talk about.

从 13 世纪开始，这就是我们所谈论的。

This very moment.

就在这一刻。

Coup de foudre .

致命一击。

Coup de foudre in French means the bolt of lightning, seeing someone and in an instant falling in love, love which happens in the moment of a flash.

Coup de foudre在法语中的意思是闪电，看到某人并立即坠入爱河，爱发生在一瞬间。

This is Richard Klein of Cornell University.

我是康奈尔大学的理查德·克莱因。

In the 13th century, he says, Petrarch is walking by a fountain in the south of France, turns a corner, sees Laura.

他说，在 13 世纪，彼特拉克正在法国南部的一个喷泉边散步，拐过一个拐角，看到了劳拉。

Petrarch looks into her eyes and in an instant his life is transformed.

彼特拉克看着她的眼睛，瞬间他的生活发生了变化。

And he writes the first lyric love poems ever written.

他写下了有史以来第一首抒情爱情诗。

He says, before this moment, one lives in a state of distraction.

他说，在这一刻之前，人们生活在一种心烦意乱的状态中。

And things come and go, experiences, fragmentary, and chaotic.

事物来来去去，经历支离破碎、混乱不堪。

And all of a sudden, at the moment at which you encounter the eye of the other, it turns you into something else.

突然之间，在你遇到对方目光的那一刻，你就变成了另外一个东西。

You suddenly become-- your whole being becomes-- focused on that experience.

你突然变得——你的整个存在变得——专注于那种体验。

And all you want to do once you've had that experience is to return over and over to that.

一旦你有了这样的经历，你想做的就是一遍又一遍地回到那样的经历。

30 years later in Florence, Dante goes through the same thing when he sees, at the top of a flight of stairs, Beatrice.

30 年后的佛罗伦萨，当但丁在楼梯顶上看到贝阿特丽斯时，他也经历了同样的事情。

He writes about it.

他写了这件事。

And the idea of this moment, the bolt of lightning, gets repeated in literature, and song, and theater all through the Renaissance, up through the 19th century, and into the present day.

整个文艺复兴时期，一直到 19 世纪，直到今天，这一时刻的想法，即闪电，在文学、歌曲和戏剧中不断重复。

Today, people who have not experienced that bolt of lightning in years, people who have been married for decades go to the movies, watch TV, to see it reenacted over and over.

如今，很多年没有经历过那道闪电的人们，结婚几十年的人们会去看电影、看电视，一遍又一遍地观看它的重演。

This is what we talk about when we talk about love.

当我们谈论爱情时，我们谈论的就是这个。

In ancient Greek, the Greeks had two verbs for seeing, [?

在古希腊语中，希腊人有两个表示“看”的动词，[?

taorain ?] and [?

陶林？]和[？

drachain.

龙链。

?] [?

？] [？

Taorain ?] is a way of seeing that we ordinarily understand as observation.

陶林？]是一种我们通常理解为观察的方式。

[？

Drachain ?] refers to the look that eyes can flash like lightning, like dragon breath, that not only illuminates the eye, but sends out a kind of fire that penetrates the eye of the other.

龙龙？]指的是眼睛能如闪电般闪烁的神情，如龙息一般，不仅照亮了眼睛，而且散发出一种穿透对方眼睛的火焰。

And they Fhas specifically a separate word for that?

他们有专门一个单独的词来形容这个吗？

That's right.

这是正确的。

For the moment when eyes flash.

就在眼神闪烁的那一刻。

And flash in a way which implies some kind of faithful encounter.

并以某种方式闪烁，暗示着某种忠实的相遇。

I was struck looking at those tapes of Monica Lewinsky embracing the president on those rope lines.

看着莫妮卡·莱温斯基在绳索上拥抱总统的录像，我感到震惊。

The thing that's most compelling about those images is the way her eyes flash at him.

这些照片中最引人注目的是她的眼睛向他闪烁的方式。

And one can't help but be struck by the light that's coming from those eyes.

人们情不自禁地被那双眼睛发出的光芒所震撼。

OK, now here's the crazy thing.

好吧，现在最疯狂的事情来了。

Everybody knows that that moment of initial rapture, that instant when your eyes meet and you're obsessed with the other person, thinking about them all the time-- everybody knows that that feeling doesn't usually last, that in some way it's just a dream, that over time it changes into something different.

每个人都知道，最初的狂喜时刻，当你们四目相对的那一刻，你着迷于另一个人，一直想着他们——每个人都知道，这种感觉通常不会持久，在某种程度上，它只是一个梦，随着时间的推移，它会变成不同的东西。

Here's the thing, even on the day that this romantic myth of love was born-- that day in the 13th century when Petrarch saw Laura-- even on that day, it was clear that it was just a myth.

事情是这样的，即使在这个浪漫的爱情神话诞生的那一天——13世纪彼特拉克见到劳拉的那一天——即使在那一天，很明显这只是一个神话。

It was just a dream.

这只是一个梦。

Petrarch doesn't get the girl.

彼特拉克没有得到这个女孩。

No, the usual story is that the guy doesn't get the girl.

不，通常的故事是男孩没有得到女孩。

But maybe you never get the girl.

但也许你永远得不到那个女孩。

Maybe that's the sort of condition of falling in love.

也许这就是坠入爱河的一种状态。

It always remains something sort of inaccessible.

它始终是某种难以接近的东西。

At the moment that desire is fulfilled, desire dies.

当欲望得到满足的那一刻，欲望就消失了。

Psychologists have estimated that you can only stick in love for 18 months.

心理学家估计，爱情只能坚持18个月。

That's the limit.

这就是极限。

After that, it becomes something else, becomes admiration, respect, affection, and so forth.

之后，它就变成了别的东西，变成了钦佩、尊重、喜爱等等。

But the--

但是——

The dream of it dissolves and becomes something else.

它的梦想消失了，变成了别的东西。

Something else.

还有别的事。

Ira Glass I wonder if you would be saying this and explaining this in these terms if you, yourself, were falling in love right now.

艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）我想知道，如果你自己现在正在坠入爱河，你是否会这么说并用这些术语解释这一点。

Well, as a matter of fact, I think I am.

嗯，事实上，我想我是。

Well then, you're going to get in trouble when this goes on the radio, aren't you?

那么，当这件事出现在广播中时，你就会遇到麻烦，不是吗？

Oh, I'm going to be in so much trouble.

哦，我会遇到很多麻烦的。

You have no idea.

你不知道。

So you're falling in love right now and you're holding to the idea that this is an illusion and a sort of illusory experience?

所以你现在正在坠入爱河，并且你坚持认为这是一种幻觉和一种虚幻的体验？

Oh, but all I want is more, more illusion, more illusion.

哦，但我想要的只是更多，更多的幻觉，更多的幻觉。

So today, beloved listener, we come to you with a mission.

所以今天，亲爱的听众，我们带着使命来到你们这里。

Since stories of love-- in fact, our whole idea of love-- these things are usually about how it feels during those first moments of falling in love.

因为爱情故事——事实上，我们对爱情的全部看法——这些事情通常都是关于坠入爱河的最初时刻的感受。

Today, for Valentine's Day, as a public service, we make an attempt to understand another side of what love means.

今天，在情人节，作为一项公共服务，我们尝试了解爱的另一面含义。

We bring you stories of couples that all take place decades after the moment their eyes meet.

我们为您带来情侣的故事，这些故事都发生在他们目光相遇的那一刻几十年后。

Act One, "Before and After," the beginning of love as viewed from a moment near its ending.

第一幕“之前和之后”，从接近结束的那一刻看爱情的开始。

Act Two, "The Over-Protective Kind," in which a husband worries about his wife's safety on a very dangerous undertaking she's about to go on, to a beach resort.

第二幕“过度保护型”，丈夫担心妻子的安全，因为她即将前往海滩度假胜地进行一项非常危险的任务。

Act Three, "Istanbul," Ian Brown talks about what it means to stay monogamous.

第三幕“伊斯坦布尔”，伊恩·布朗谈论保持一夫一妻制意味着什么。

Stay with us.

留在我们身边。

Act One.

第一幕。

"Before and after." Well as a kid growing up in the east coast in the 1970s, for me, the most romantic songs in the world-- and this is kind of a corny thing to admit now years later, with retrospect-- the most romantic songs in the world were Bruce Springsteen's.

“之前和之后。”作为一个 20 世纪 70 年代在东海岸长大的孩子，对我来说，世界上最浪漫的歌曲是布鲁斯·斯普林斯汀 (Bruce Springsteen) 的歌曲，多年后回想起来，承认这一点有点老套了。

Songs about falling in love in rundown beach towns on the Jersey shore, songs about hitting the road together to who knows where.

关于在泽西海岸破败的海滩小镇坠入爱河的歌曲，关于一起上路去谁知道去哪里的歌曲。

But once Bruce hit a certain age, he stopped writing songs about that moment when lightning flashes between people, when their eyes meet.

但一旦布鲁斯到了一定年龄，他就不再写关于人们之间闪电闪烁、目光相遇那一刻的歌曲。

And he wrote a series of songs where basically every song takes place long after the couple fell out of love.

他写了一系列歌曲，基本上每首歌都发生在这对情侣失恋很久之后。

And the narrator, or the singer in these songs, is remembering that exhilarating moment of falling in love and then describing the moment he's in now, the drudgery of his marriage now.

这些歌曲中的叙述者或歌手正在回忆坠入爱河的令人兴奋的时刻，然后描述他现在所处的时刻，他现在婚姻的苦差事。

And he's laying these two moments side by side, trying to make sense of how one of them has any connection in the world to the other, how one of them led to the other.

他将这两个时刻并排放置，试图弄清楚其中一个时刻与另一个时刻之间有何联系，其中一个时刻如何导致另一个时刻。

Well, this next story is something like that.

嗯，下一个故事就是这样的。

It's by Richard Bausch.

这是理查德·鲍什的作品。

It's exactly 20 minutes to midnight, on this, the eve of my 70th birthday.

距离午夜正好 20 分钟，这是我 70 岁生日的前夕。

And I've decided to address you, for a change, in writing, odd as that might seem.

我决定以书面形式向您提出改变，尽管这看起来很奇怪。

I'm perfectly aware of how you're going to take the fact that I'm doing this at all, so late at night with everybody due to arrive tomorrow and the house still unready.

我完全知道你会如何看待我在深夜做这件事，每个人明天都会到达，而房子还没有准备好。

I haven't spent almost five decades with you without learning a few things about you that I can predict and describe with some accuracy.

我和你在一起近五年来，没有一次没有了解到一些关于你的事情，我可以准确地预测和描述这些事情。

Though I admit that, as you put it, lately we've been more like strangers than husband and wife.

虽然我承认，正如你所说，最近我们更像是陌生人，而不是夫妻。

Well, so if we are like strangers, perhaps there are some things I can tell you that you won't have already figured out about the way I feel.

好吧，所以如果我们就像陌生人一样，也许我可以告诉你一些事情，但你不会已经了解我的感受。

Tonight we had another one of those long, silent evenings after an argument.

今晚，一场争吵之后，我们又度过了一个漫长而寂静的夜晚。

Remember?

记住？

Over pepper.

过胡椒。

We had been bickering all day really, but at dinner I put paper on my potatoes and you said that about how I shouldn't have pepper because it always upsets my stomach.

我们真的吵了一整天，但晚餐时我在土豆上放了纸，你说我不应该吃胡椒，因为它总是让我胃不舒服。

I'm bothered to remark that I used to eat chili peppers for breakfast.

我很烦恼地说我以前早餐吃辣椒。

And if I wanted to put plain, old, ordinary black pepper on my potatoes-- as I had been doing for more than 60 years-- that was my privilege.

如果我想在土豆上放普通的、老的、普通的黑胡椒——就像我 60 多年来一直在做的那样——那是我的特权。

Writing this now, it sounds far more testy than I meant it.

现在写这篇文章，听起来比我的意思要暴躁得多。

But that isn't really the point.

但这并不是重点。

In any case, you chose to overlook my tone.

无论如何，你选择忽视我的语气。

You simply said, "John, you were up all night the last time you had pepper with your dinner."

你只是说：“约翰，上次你在晚餐中吃胡椒时，你整夜没睡。”

I said, "I was up all night because I ate green peppers, not black pepper but green peppers."

我说：“我一夜没睡，因为我吃了青椒，不是黑椒，是青椒。”

"A pepper is a pepper.

“辣椒就是辣椒。

Isn't it?" You said.

不是吗？”你说。

And then I started in on you.

然后我就开始关注你了。

I got-- as you call it-- legal with you, pointing out that green peppers are not black pepper.

我——正如你所说的——对你来说是合法的，指出青椒不是黑胡椒。

And from there we moved on to an evening of mutual disregard for each other that ended with your decision to go to bed early.

从那时起，我们就度过了一个互相无视的夜晚，最终你决定早点上床睡觉。

The grandchildren will make you tired and there's still the house to do.

孙子们会让你很累，而且还有家务要做。

You had every reason to want to get some rest.

你有充分的理由想要休息一下。

And yet, I felt that you were also making a point of getting yourself out of proximity with me, leaving me to my displeasure with another ridiculous argument settling between us like a fog.

然而，我觉得你也故意让自己远离我，让我对另一个荒谬的争论像迷雾一样在我们之间弥漫而感到不满。

So after you went to bed, I got out the whiskey and started pouring drinks.

所以你上床睡觉后，我拿出威士忌开始倒饮料。

And I had every intention of putting myself into a stupor.

我本想让自己陷入昏迷状态。

It was also my birthday, after all, and-- forgive this, it's the way I felt at the time-- you had nagged me into an argument and then gone off to bed.

毕竟那天也是我的生日，而且——请原谅，这就是我当时的感受——你跟我吵了一架，然后就去睡觉了。

The day had ended as so many of our days end now.

这一天结束了，就像我们许多日子现在结束一样。

And I felt, well, entitled.

我觉得，好吧，我有权利。

I had a few drinks without any appreciable effect, though you might well see this letter as firm evidence to the contrary.

我喝了几杯，但没有任何明显的效果，尽管你很可能会认为这封信是相反的确凿证据。

And then I decided to do something to shake you up.

然后我决定做点什么来震撼你。

I would leave.

我会离开。

I'd make a lot of noise going out the door.

我出门时会发出很大的噪音。

I'd take a walk around the neighborhood and make you wonder where I could be.

我会在附近散步，让你想知道我会在哪里。

Perhaps I'd go check into a motel for the night.

也许我会去一家汽车旅馆过夜。

The thought even crossed my mind that I might leave you all together.

我什至想到我可能会离开你们大家。

I admit that I entertained the thought, Marie.

我承认我有这个想法，玛丽。

I saw our life together now as the day to day round of petty quarreling and tension that it's mostly been over the past couple of years or so.

我认为我们现在的生活就是日复一日的小争吵和紧张，这种情况在过去几年左右一直存在。

And I wanted out as sincerely as I ever wanted out of anything.

我真诚地想要摆脱任何事情。

And I got up from my seat in front of the television and walked back down the hall to the entrance of our room to look at you.

我从电视机前的座位上站起来，沿着走廊走回到我们房间的入口处，看着你。

I suppose I hoped you'd still be awake so I could tell you of this momentous decision I felt I'd reached.

我想我希望你还醒着，这样我就可以告诉你我觉得我已经做出的这个重大决定。

And maybe you were awake.

也许你醒着。

One of our oldest areas of contention being the noise I make, the feather thin membrane of your sleep that I am always disturbing with my restlessness in the nights.

我们最古老的争论领域之一是我发出的噪音，我总是在夜间不安地打扰你睡眠的羽毛薄膜。

All right, assuming you were asleep and don't know that I stood in the doorway of our room, I will say that I stood there for perhaps five minutes looking at you in the half dark, the shape of your body under the blanket.

好吧，假设你睡着了并且不知道我站在我们房间的门口，我会说我在那里站了大约五分钟，在半黑暗中看着你，看着你在毯子下的身体的形状。

You really did look like one of the girls when they were little and I used to stand in the doorway of their rooms.

你看起来确实很像小时候的女孩之一，而我曾经站在她们房间的门口。

Your illness last year made you so small again.

去年你的病让你又变得这么小了。

And as I said, I thought I had decided to leave you for your peace as well as mine.

正如我所说，我以为我决定离开你是为了你和我的安宁。

I know you have gone to sleep crying, Marie.

我知道你已经哭着睡着了，玛丽。

I know you felt sorry about things and wished we could find some way to stop irritating each other so much.

我知道你对事情感到抱歉，并希望我们能找到某种方法来停止如此激怒彼此。

Well, of course, I didn't go anywhere.

嗯，当然，我哪儿也没去。

I came back to this room and drank more of the whiskey and watched television.

我回到这个房间，喝了更多的威士忌，然后看电视。

It was like all the other nights.

就像其他所有的夜晚一样。

The shows came on and ended and the whiskey began to wear off.

演出开始又结束，威士忌的酒味开始消散。

There was a little rain shower.

下了一点阵雨。

I had a moment of the shock of knowing I was 70.

当我知道自己已经 70 岁的时候，我感到非常震惊。

After the rain ended, I did go outside for a few minutes.

雨停后，我确实出去了几分钟。

I stood on the sidewalk and looked at the house.

我站在人行道上，看着房子。

The kids, with their kids, were on the road somewhere between their homes and here.

孩子们和他们的孩子正在从他们家到这里之间的路上。

I walked up to the end of the block and back and a pleasant breeze blew and shook the drops out of the trees.

我走到街区的尽头，然后又回来，一阵宜人的微风吹来，抖落了树上的水滴。

My stomach was bothering me some and maybe it was the pepper I'd put on my potatoes.

我的胃有些不舒服，也许是我在土豆上放了辣椒的缘故。

It could just as well have been the whiskey.

也可能是威士忌。

Anyway, as I came back to the house, I began to have an eerie feeling that I had reached the last night of my life.

不管怎样，当我回到家时，我开始有一种怪异的感觉，我已经到了生命的最后一晚。

There was this small discomfort in my stomach and no other physical pang or pain.

我的胃有轻微的不适，没有其他身体上的疼痛或疼痛。

And I'm used to the small ills and side effects of my ways of eating and drinking.

我已经习惯了我的饮食方式带来的小弊病和副作用。

Yet I felt a sense of the end of things more strongly than I can describe.

然而，我对事情终结的感觉比我所能描述的更强烈。

When I stood in the entrance of our room and looked at you again, wondering if I would make it through to the morning, I suddenly found myself trying to think what I would say to you if, indeed, this were the last time I would ever be able to speak to you.

当我站在我们房间的门口，再次看着你，想知道我是否能熬到早上时，我突然发现自己在想，如果这是我最后一次能够和你说话，我会对你说什么。

And I began to know I would write you this letter.

我开始知道我会给你写这封信。

At least words in a letter aren't blurred by tone of voice, by the old, aggravating sound of me talking to you.

至少，信中的文字不会因语气、我与你说话时那种古老而恼人的声音而变得模糊。

I began with this and with the idea that, after months of thinking about it, I would at last try to say something to you that wasn't colored by our disaffection.

我从这个开始，带着这样的想法：经过几个月的思考，我最终会尝试对你说一些不被我们的不满所影响的事情。

What I have to tell you must be explained in a rather round about way.

我要告诉你的事情必须以相当迂回的方式解释。

I've been thinking about my cousin, Louise, and her husband.

我一直在想我的表弟路易丝和她的丈夫。

When he died and she stayed with us last summer, something brought back to me what is really only the memory of a moment.

去年夏天，当他去世、她和我们在一起时，有件事让我回想起了那一刻的记忆。

Yet it reached me, that moment, across more than 50 years.

然而，那一刻，跨越了 50 多年，它却降临到了我的脑海里。

As you know, Louise is nine years older than I and more like an older sister than a cousin.

如你所知，路易丝比我大九岁，更像是姐姐而不是表妹。

I must have told you, at one time or another, that I spent some weeks with her back in 1933, when she was first married.

我一定曾经告诉过你，1933 年，当她第一次结婚时，我和她一起度过了几个星期。

The memory I'm talking about comes from that time.

我所说的记忆来自于那个时候。

And what I have decided I have to tell you comes from that memory.

我决定要告诉你的事情就来自于那段记忆。

Father had been dead four years.

父亲去世已经四年了。

We were all used to the fact that times were hard and that there was no man in the house, though I suppose I filled that role in some titular way.

我们都已经习惯了生活艰难、家里没有男人的事实，尽管我想我以某种名义上的方式填补了这个角色。

In any case, when mother became ill, there was the problem of us, her children.

无论如何，当母亲生病时，我们——她的孩子们——就会面临问题。

Though I was the oldest, I wasn't old enough to stay in the house alone or to nurse her either.

虽然我是最大的，但我还没有大到可以独自留在家里或照顾她。

My grandfather came up with a solution-- and everybody went along with it-- that I would go to Louise's for a time and the two girls would go to stay with grandfather.

我的祖父想出了一个解决方案——每个人都同意了——我去路易丝家一段时间，两个女孩去和祖父住在一起。

So we closed up the house and I got on a train to Virginia.

所以我们关闭了房子，我坐上了去弗吉尼亚的火车。

I was a few weeks shy of 14 years old.

我还差几周就满14岁了。

I remember that I was not able to believe that anything truly bad would come of mother's pleurisy and was consequently glad of the opportunity it afforded me to travel the 100 miles south to Charlottesville, where cousin Louise had moved with her new husband only a month earlier, after her wedding.

我记得当时我无法相信母亲的胸膜炎会带来真正的严重后果，因此我很高兴有机会向南行驶 100 英里，前往夏洛茨维尔，表弟路易丝刚在一个月前结婚后就与她的新婚丈夫搬到了那里。

Because we traveled so much at the beginning, you never got to really know Charles when he was young.

因为一开始我们旅行了很多次，所以你永远无法真正了解年轻时的查尔斯。

In 1933 he was a very tall, imposing fellow with bright red hair and a graceful way of moving that always made me think of athletics and contests of skill.

1933 年，他是一个身材高大、威风凛凛的小伙子，一头鲜红的头发，动作优雅，总是让我想起田径运动和技能比赛。

He had worked at the Navy Yard in Washington and had been laid off in the first months of Roosevelt's New Deal.

他曾在华盛顿海军造船厂工作，并在罗斯福新政的头几个月被解雇。

Louise was teaching in a day school in Charlottesville so they could make ends meet.

路易丝在夏洛茨维尔的一所走读学校教书，这样他们就可以维持收支平衡。

And Charles was spending most of his time looking for work and fixing up the house.

查尔斯大部分时间都在找工作和修理房子。

I had only met Charles once or twice before the wedding, but already I admired him and wanted to emulate him.

婚礼前我只见过查尔斯一两次，但我已经很钦佩他并想效仿他。

The prospect of spending time in his house, or perhaps going fishing with him in the small streams of central Virginia, was all I thought about on the way down.

在下山的路上，我满脑子想的就是在他家里度过一段时光，或者和他一起去弗吉尼亚州中部的小溪里钓鱼。

And I remember that we did go fishing one weekend, that I wound up spending a lot of time with Charles, helping to paint the house and to run water lines under it for indoor plumbing.

我记得有一个周末我们确实去钓鱼了，结果我花了很多时间和查尔斯在一起，帮助粉刷房子，并在房子下面铺设水管以安装室内管道。

Oh, I had time with Louise too, listening to her read from the books she wanted me to be interested in, walking with her around Charlottesville in the evenings, and looking at the city as it was then, or sitting on her small porch and talking about the family, mother's stubborn illness, the children Louise saw every day at school.

哦，我也有时间和路易丝在一起，听她读她想让我感兴趣的书，晚上和她一起在夏洛茨维尔散步，看看当时的城市，或者坐在她的小门廊上谈论家庭，母亲的顽疾，路易丝每天在学校看到的孩子们。

But what I want to tell you has to do with the very first day I was there.

但我想告诉你的是我来这里的第一天。

I know you think I use far too much energy thinking about and pining away for the past.

我知道你认为我用了太多的精力去思考和憔悴于过去。

And I therefore know that I'm taking a risk by talking about this ancient history and by trying to make you see it.

因此，我知道我谈论这段古老的历史并试图让你们看到它是在冒险。

But this all has to do with you and me, my dear, and our late inability to find ourselves in the same room together without bitterness and pain.

但这一切都与你和我有关，亲爱的，以及我们最近无法在同一个房间里没有痛苦和痛苦。

That summer, 1933, was unusually warm in Virginia.

1933 年的那个夏天，弗吉尼亚异常温暖。

And the heat, along with my impatience to arrive, made the train almost unbearable.

炎热的天气，加上我迫不及待地想要到达，让火车几乎难以忍受。

I think it was just past noon when it pulled into the station in Charlottesville, with me hanging out one of the windows looking for Louise or Charles.

我想当车驶入夏洛茨维尔车站时，正午刚过，我在其中一扇窗户外寻找路易丝或查尔斯。

It was Charles who had come to meet me.

是查尔斯来接我的。

He stood in a crisp-looking seersucker suit with a straw boater cocked at just the angle you'd expect a young, newly married man to wear a straw boater, even in the middle of economic disaster.

他穿着一套看起来清爽的泡泡纱套装，草帽的翘起角度恰到好处，就像一个年轻的新婚男子即使在经济灾难中也会穿着草帽一样。

I waved at him and he waved back and I might have jumped out the window if the train had slowed even a little more than it had before it stopped in the shade of platform.

我向他挥手，他也向他挥手，如果火车比停在月台阴影前稍微慢一点，我可能会跳出窗外。

I made my way out, carrying the cloth bag my grandfather had given me for the trip.

我拎着祖父给我的旅行布袋出去了。

Mother had said, through her room, that I looked like a carpetbagger.

母亲在她的房间里说我看起来像个偷东西的人。

And when I stepped down to shake hands with Charles, I noticed that what I thought was a new suit was tattered at the ends of the sleeves.

当我下台与查尔斯握手时，我注意到我以为是一套新西装的袖子末端已经破烂不堪。

"Well," he said, "Young John." I smiled at him and I was perceptive enough to see that his cheerfulness was not entirely effortless.

“好吧，”他说，“小约翰。”我对他微笑，我敏锐地看出他的快乐并非完全毫不费力。

He was a man out of work, after all.

毕竟他是一个失业的人。

And so, in spite of himself, there was worry in his face, the slightest shadow in an otherwise glad and proud countenance.

因此，他的脸上不由自主地流露出忧虑，原本高兴而自豪的脸上出现了一丝阴影。

We walked through the station to the street and on up the steep hill to the house, which was a small, clapboard structure, a cottage really, with a porch at the end of the short sidewalk lined with flowers.

我们穿过车站走到街上，爬上陡峭的山坡，来到了那所房子，那是一座小隔板结构的房子，实际上是一座小屋，在短短的人行道尽头有一个门廊，两旁种满了鲜花。

They were marigolds, I think.

我想它们是万寿菊。

And here was Louise coming out of the house, her arms already stretched wide to embrace me.

路易丝从房子里出来，她的双臂已经张开来拥抱我。

"Lord," she said, "I swear you've grown since the wedding, John."

“主啊，”她说，“我发誓自从婚礼以来你已经成长了，约翰。”

Charles took my bag and went inside.

查尔斯拿着我的包走了进去。

"Let me look at you, young man," Louise said.

“让我看看你，年轻人，”路易丝说。

I stood for inspection.

我站着接受检查。

And as she looked me over, I saw that her hair was pulled back, that a few strands of it had come loose, that it was brilliantly auburn in the sun.

当她打量我时，我发现她的头发向后梳着，有几缕头发散开，在阳光下呈现出耀眼的赤褐色。

I suppose I was a little in love with her.

我想我已经有点爱上她了。

She was grown and married now.

现在她已经长大并结婚了。

She was a part of what seemed a great mystery to me, even as I was about to enter it.

她对我来说是一个巨大的谜团的一部分，即使我即将进入它。

And of course, you remember how that feels, Marie, when one is on the verge of things, nearly adult, nearly old enough to fall in love.

当然，你记得那种感觉，玛丽，当一个人处于事情的边缘时，几乎成年，几乎已经到了坠入爱河的年龄。

I looked at Louise's happy, flushed face and felt a deep ache as she ushered me into her house.

当她把我带进她的房子时，我看着路易丝幸福、红润的脸，感到一阵深深的疼痛。

I wanted so to be older.

我想变得更老。

Inside, Charles had poured lemonade for us and was sitting in the easy chair by the fireplace, already sipping his.

里面，查尔斯已经为我们倒了柠檬水，他坐在壁炉旁的安乐椅上，已经在喝他的了。

Louise wanted to show me the house and the backyard, which she had tilled and turned into a small vegetable garden.

路易丝想带我参观房子和后院，她已经耕种了后院，把它变成了一个小菜园。

But she must have sensed how thirsty I was and so she asked me to sit down and have a cool drink before she showed me the upstairs.

但她一定是感觉到我有多渴了，所以她让我坐下来喝点冷饮，然后才带我上楼。

Now of course, looking back on it, I remember that those rooms she was so anxious to show me were meager indeed.

当然，现在回想起来，我记得她急于带我去看的那些房间确实很简陋。

They were not much bigger than closets really, and the paint was faded and dull.

它们实际上比壁橱大不了多少，而且油漆已经褪色，暗淡无光。

The furniture she'd arranged so artfully was coming apart.

她精心布置的家具快要散架了。

The pictures she'd put on the walls were prints she'd cut out, magazine covers mostly.

挂在墙上的照片是她剪下来的照片，大部分是杂志封面。

And the curtains over the windows were the same ones that hung in her childhood bedroom for 20 years.

窗户上的窗帘和她儿时卧室里挂了20年的窗帘是一样的。

"Recognize these?" she said with a deprecating smile.

“认识这些吗？”她带着不以为然的微笑说道。

Of course, the quality of her pride had nothing to do with the fineness, or lack of it, in these things, but in the fact that they belonged to her and that she was a married lady in her own house.

当然，她的骄傲与这些东西的精美与否无关，而是与这些东西属于她，而且她是自己家里的已婚女士有关。

On this day in July, in 1933, she and Charles were waiting for the delivery of a fan they had scrounged enough money to buy from Sears, through the catalog.

1933 年 7 月的今天，她和查尔斯正在等待一把扇子的送货，他们是通过商品目录从西尔斯百货凑够了钱买的。

There were things they would rather have been doing, especially in this heat, and especially with me there.

有些事情他们宁愿一直做，尤其是在这么热的时候，尤其是和我在一起。

Monticello wasn't far away.

蒙蒂塞洛就在不远处。

The university was within walking distance.

大学就在步行距离之内。

And without too much expense, one could ride a taxi to one of the lakes nearby.

而且无需花费太多费用，您可以乘坐出租车前往附近的一个湖泊。

They had hoped that the fan would arrive before I did, but since it hadn't-- and since neither Louise nor Charles was willing to leave the other alone while traipsing off with me that day-- there wasn't anything to do but wait around for it.

他们本来希望扇子能在我之前到达，但由于它没有到来——而且那天路易丝和查尔斯都不愿意在和我一起闲逛时留下对方一个人——所以除了等待之外没有什么可做的。

Louise had opened the windows and shut the shades and we sat in her small living room and drank the lemonade, fanning ourselves with folded parts of Charles' morning newspaper.

路易丝打开了窗户，关上了百叶窗，我们坐在她的小客厅里，喝着柠檬水，用查尔斯晨报的折叠部分给自己扇风。

From time to time, an anemic breath of air would move the shades slightly.

时不时地，一股贫血的空气会轻微地移动窗帘。

But everything grew still again.

但一切又恢复了平静。

Louise sat on the arm of Charles's chair and I sat on the sofa.

路易丝坐在查尔斯的椅子扶手上，我坐在沙发上。

We talked about pleurisy and, I think, about the fact that Thomas Jefferson had invented the dumbwaiter, how the plumbing at Monticello was at least a century ahead of its time.

我们讨论了胸膜炎，我想，还讨论了托马斯·杰斐逊发明了升降机的事实，以及蒙蒂塞洛的管道系统如何领先于时代至少一个世纪。

Charles remarked that it was the spirit of invention that would make a man's career in these days.

查尔斯说，当今正是发明精神成就了一个人的事业。

"That's what I'm aiming for, to be inventive in a job, no matter what it winds up being."

“这就是我的目标，在工作中发挥创造力，无论结果如何。”

When the lemonade ran out, Louise got up and went into the kitchen to make some more.

柠檬水用完后，路易丝起身去厨房再做一些。

Charles and I talked about taking a weekend to go fishing.

查尔斯和我讨论过周末去钓鱼。

He leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head looking satisfied.

他向后靠在椅子上，双手枕在脑后，看上去很满意。

In the kitchen, Louise was chipping ice for our glasses.

在厨房里，路易丝正在为我们的杯子削冰块。

And she began singing something low for her own pleasure, a barely audible lilting.

她开始为了自己的快乐而唱一些低沉的歌，轻快得几乎听不见。

And Charles and I sat listening.

查尔斯和我坐着听。

It occurred to me that I was very happy.

我突然觉得我很高兴。

I had the sense that soon I would be embarked on my own life, as Charles was.

我有预感，很快我就会像查尔斯一样开始自己的生活。

And that an attractive woman like Louise would be there with me.

像路易丝这样有魅力的女人会和我在一起。

Charles yawned and said, "God, listen to that.

查尔斯打了个哈欠，说道：“上帝，听听。

Doesn't Louise have the loveliest voice?"

路易丝的声音不是最可爱的吗？”

And that's all I have from that day.

这就是我从那天起所拥有的一切。

I don't even know if the fan arrived later.

我什至不知道风扇后来是否到达。

And I have no clear memory of how we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening.

我已经记不清我们是如何度过下午剩下的时间和晚上的了。

I remember Louise singing a song, her husband leaning back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head, expressing his pleasure in his young wife's voice.

我记得路易丝唱着一首歌，她的丈夫靠在椅子上，双手交叉放在脑后，用年轻妻子的声音表达了他的喜悦。

I remember that I felt quite extraordinarily content just then.

我记得当时我感到非常的满足。

And that's all I remember.

这就是我所记得的一切。

But there are, of course, the things we both know.

但当然，有些事情我们都知道。

We know they moved to Colorado to be near Charles' parents.

我们知道他们搬到科罗拉多州是为了靠近查尔斯的父母。

We know they never had any children.

我们知道他们从未有过孩子。

We know that Charles fell down a shaft at a construction site in the fall of 1957 and was hurt so badly that he never walked again.

我们知道，1957 年秋天，查尔斯从一个建筑工地的竖井上摔下来，受了重伤，从此再也没有走路。

And I know that when she came to stay with us last summer, she told me she'd learned to hate him, and not for what she'd had to help him do all those years.

我知道，当她去年夏天来和我们住在一起时，她告诉我她已经学会了恨他，而不是因为这些年来她不得不帮助他做的事情。

No, it started earlier and was deeper than that.

不，它开始得更早，也更深。

She hadn't minded the care of him-- the washing and feeding and all the numberless small tasks she had to perform each and every day, all day.

她不介意照顾他——洗澡、喂食，以及她每天必须完成的无数小任务，一整天。

She hadn't minded this.

她并不介意这一点。

In fact, she thought there was something in her makeup that liked being needed so completely.

事实上，她认为她的妆容中有某种东西让人如此完全地被需要。

The trouble was simply that whatever she had once loved in him she had stopped loving.

问题在于，无论她曾经爱过他什么，她都不再爱了。

And for many, many years before he died, she'd felt only suffocation when he was near enough to touch her, only irritation and anxiety when he spoke.

在他去世之前的很多很多年里，当他离她足够近，可以触碰她时，她只感到窒息，当他说话时，她只感到恼怒和焦虑。

She said all this and then looked at me, her cousin, who had been fortunate enough to have children and to be in love over time and said, "John, how have you and Marie managed it?" And what I wanted to tell you has to do with this fact.

她说了这一切，然后看着我，她的表弟，她很幸运地有了孩子，并且随着时间的推移而相爱，她说：“约翰，你和玛丽是怎么做到的？”我想告诉你的就是这个事实。

That while you and I had had one of our whispering arguments only moments before, I felt quite certain of the simple truth of the matter, which is that-- whatever our complications-- we have managed to be in love over time.

虽然你和我刚刚刚刚发生过一次窃窃私语的争吵，但我对事情的简单事实感到非常确定，那就是——无论我们的复杂程度如何——随着时间的推移，我们已经成功地相爱了。

"Louise," I said.

“路易丝，”我说。

"People start out with such high hopes," she said, as if I wasn't there.

“人们一开始就抱有很高的期望，”她说，就好像我不在那里一样。

She looked at me.

她看着我。

"Don't they?"

“不是吗？”

"Yes," I said.

“是的，”我说。

She seemed to consider this a moment and she said, "I wonder how it happens."

她似乎考虑了一下，说道：“我想知道这是怎么发生的。”

I said, "You ought to get some rest," or something equally pointless and admonitory.

我说，“你应该休息一下”，或者是一些同样毫无意义和警告性的话。

As she moved away from me, I had an image of Charles standing on the station platform in Charlottesville that summer, the straw boater set at its cocky angle.

当她从我身边走开时，我脑海中浮现出那年夏天查尔斯站在夏洛茨维尔车站站台上的画面，稻草船摆在了它傲慢的角度。

It was an image I would see most of the rest of that night, and on many another night since.

那天晚上剩下的大部分时间里，以及此后的许多夜晚，我都会看到这样的景象。

I can almost hear your voice as you point out that, once again, I've managed to dwell too long in a memory of something that's passed and gone.

当你再次指出，我已经在对已经过去的事情的记忆中停留太久时，我几乎可以听到你的声音。

The difference is that I'm not grieving over the past now.

不同的是，我现在不再为过去感到悲伤。

I am merely reporting a memory so that you might understand what I'm about to say to you.

我只是报告一段记忆，以便你能明白我要对你说的话。

The fact is, we aren't the people we were even then, just a year ago.

事实上，我们已经不再是一年前的我们了。

I know that as I know things have been slowly eroding between us for a very long time.

据我所知，很长一段时间以来，我们之间的关系一直在慢慢侵蚀。

We are a little tired of each other.

我们彼此都有点厌倦了。

And there are annoyances and old scars that won't be obliterated with a letter, even a long one written in the middle of the night in desperate sincerity, under the influence-- admittedly-- of a considerable portion of bourbon whisky, but nevertheless, with the best intention and hope that you may know how, over the course of this night, I came to the end of needing an explanation for our difficulty.

有些烦恼和旧伤疤是无法用一封信来抹去的，即使是一封长信，是在深夜以绝望的真诚写下的，诚然，在相当多的波本威士忌的影响下，但尽管如此，我还是怀着最好的意图和希望，希望你知道，在今晚的过程中，我最终需要对我们的困难做出解释。

We have reached this place, everything we say seems rather aggravating mindless and automatic, like something one stranger might say to another in one of the thousand circumstances where strangers are thrown together for a time, and the silence begins to grow heavy on their minds and someone has to say something.

我们已经到了这个地方，我们所说的一切似乎都相当令人恼火，无意识和自动，就像一个陌生人可能会在成千上万的情况下对另一个陌生人说些什么，在陌生人被扔在一起一段时间，沉默开始在他们的心上变得沉重，有人必须说些什么。

Darling, we go so long these days without having anything at all to do with each other.

亲爱的，这些天我们走了这么久，彼此却没有任何关系。

And the children are arriving tomorrow.

孩子们明天就要到了。

And once more we'll be in the position of making all of the gestures that give them back their parents as they think their parents are.

我们将再次做出所有的姿态，让他们回到他们认为自己的父母那样的父母。

And what I wanted to say to you-- what came to me as I thought about Louise and Charles on that day so long ago, when they were young and so obviously glad of each other, and I looked at them and do it and was happy-- what came to me was that even the harsh things that happened to them, even the years of anger and silence, even the disappointment and the bitterness and the wanting not to be in the same room anymore, even all that must have been worth it for such loveliness.

我想对你说的是——当我想起很久以前的路易丝和查尔斯，当时他们还年轻，显然彼此很高兴，我看着他们，做了这件事，我很高兴——我想到的是，即使是发生在他们身上的严酷的事情，即使是多年的愤怒和沉默，甚至是失望、痛苦和不想再待在同一个房间，即使是为了这样的可爱，所有这些都一定是值得的。

At least I am here, at 70 years old, hoping so.

至少我现在70岁了，希望如此。

Tonight, I went back to our room again and stood gazing at you asleep, dreaming whatever you were dreaming.

今晚，我又回到自己的房间，站着看着熟睡的你，做着你梦里的事。

And I had a moment of thinking how we were always friends too, because what I wanted, finally, to say was that I remember well our own sweet times, our own old loveliness.

我有一瞬间想到我们怎么也一直是朋友，因为我最后想说的是，我清楚地记得我们自己的甜蜜时光，我们自己古老的可爱。

And I would like to think that even if-- at the very beginning of our lives together-- I had somehow been shown that we would end up here with this longing to be away from each other, this feeling of being trapped together, of being tied to each other in a way that makes us wish for other times, some other place, I would have known enough to accept it all freely for the chance at that love.

我想，即使——在我们共同生活的一开始——我就被告知，我们最终会带着这种彼此分离的渴望，这种被困在一起的感觉，以一种让我们希望有其他时间、其他地方的方式彼此束缚的感觉，我也会知道，为了有机会获得那种爱，我会自由地接受这一切。

And if I could, I would do it all again, Marie.

如果可以的话，我会再做一遍，玛丽。

All of it.

所有这一切。

Even the sorrow.

甚至悲伤。

My sweet, my dear adversary, for everything that I remember.

我亲爱的，我亲爱的对手，感谢我所记得的一切。

Richard Bausch's story-- "Letter to the Lady of the House," is in his book, Selected Stories from Richard Bausch .

理查德·鲍什的故事——“给女主人的信”，收录在他的书《理查德·鲍什的故事精选》中。

That's from the Modern Library.

这是来自现代图书馆的。

His newest book is Thanksgiving Night .

他的最新书是感恩节之夜。

[MUSIC- "THE RIVER" BY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN]

[音乐-布鲁斯·斯普林斯汀的《河流》]

Coming up, a very different kind of marriage, one where they serve and protect.

即将到来的是一种非常不同的婚姻，一种由他们服务和保护的婚姻。

She serves.

她服务。

He protects.

他保护。

Or actually, maybe it's the other way around.

或者实际上，也许情况恰恰相反。

That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International when our program continues.

一分钟后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。

It's This American Life .

这就是美国生活。

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Each week, of course, we choose a theme, invite a variety of writers and reporters and performers to tackle that theme.

当然，每周我们都会选择一个主题，邀请各种作家、记者和表演者来解决这个主题。

Today we wanted to bring you stories about love.

今天我们想给大家带来关于爱情的故事。

But not the usual kind of love stories which try to capture that moment when your eyes meet and your heart sings and you fall, fall, fall, fall, fall.

但不是那种通常的爱情故事，它试图捕捉当你的目光相遇、你的心歌唱、你跌倒、跌倒、跌倒、跌倒、跌倒的那一刻。

No, no no. We have a different mission.

不，不，不。我们有不同的使命。

Today, as a public service, we are bringing you love stories about people who have been in the same relationship for years, stories of love years after the lightning has already struck.

今天，作为一项公共服务，我们为您带来多年来一直处于同一关系中的人们的爱情故事，以及闪电袭击多年后的爱情故事。

We have arrived at Act Two of our show.

我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。

Act Two, "The Over-Protective Kind." Veronica Chater tells this story.

第二幕，“过度保护的那种”。维罗妮卡·查特讲述了这个故事。

The setting-- the Bay area suburbs.

地点——湾区郊区。

The characters-- own mother and father.

角色——自己的母亲和父亲。

Recently, my parents' marriage went through a few weeks of chaos when my mom announced that she was taking a vacation.

最近，当我妈妈宣布她要休假时，我父母的婚姻经历了几周的混乱。

Turns out, Noreen-- her best friend of 40 years-- was inviting her to Puerta Vallarta, Mexico to spend a week in her timeshare.

原来，她 40 年来最好的朋友诺琳邀请她去墨西哥巴亚尔塔港度过一周的分时度假时光。

My parents have been married for 45 years and they've never been apart for more than a day or two.

我的父母结婚已经 45 年了，他们分开的时间从来不超过一两天。

What's more, in those 45 years they've never taken a vacation.

更重要的是，这45年来他们从未休假过。

Partly because they've been raising 11 children and helping to raise 20 grandchildren, and partly because my dad's feelings about vacations go something like this--

部分原因是他们养育了 11 个孩子并帮助抚养 20 个孙子，部分原因是我父亲对假期的感受是这样的——

I detest shopping.

我讨厌购物。

I detest eating out.

我讨厌出去吃饭。

I detest motels.

我讨厌汽车旅馆。

I detest beaches.

我讨厌海滩。

I detest anything having to do with what most people go on vacations for.

我讨厌任何与大多数人度假的目的有关的事情。

For me it's the opposite of having fun.

对我来说，这与享受乐趣相反。

It's a purgatory.

这是一个炼狱。

Mom didn't even think of inviting him along.

妈妈根本没想过要邀请他一起去。

But as she began preparing for her trip, Dad began worrying.

但当她开始准备旅行时，爸爸开始担心。

My Dad is something of a safety nut.

我爸爸是个安全狂。

He was a police officer and then a corporate security consultant.

他曾是一名警察，后来成为一名公司安全顾问。

And as a result, he's the kind of guy who sees danger around every corner and is ready to defend himself and his family against any possible foe.

因此，他是那种看到每个角落都有危险并准备保护自己和家人免受任何可能的敌人侵害的人。

As I was growing up, whenever our birthdays came around, my brothers and sisters and I always knew the present from dad was going to be a weapon-- a hunting knife, say, or a rifle.

在我的成长过程中，每当生日到来时，我和我的兄弟姐妹们总是知道爸爸送给我的礼物将是一件武器——比如一把猎刀，或者一把步枪。

After I was the victim of a violent crime about 10 years ago, he only got worse.

大约十年前，当我成为暴力犯罪的受害者后，他的情况变得更糟。

He took me out to buy a gun-- a Colt thirty.

他带我出去买一把枪——一把柯尔特三十号枪。

38 detective special-- and taught me how to use it.

38名侦探特辑——并教我如何使用。

Then he wrote a book called, The Protection Formula-- Thinking Like a Cop, to teach ordinary people to be more like him.

然后他写了一本书，名为《保护公式——像警察一样思考》，教导普通人变得更像他。

These days, when he bicycles to work each day on a busy road in the California suburbs, he carries with him a fully stocked survival kit-- ace bandages, iodine, insulating blanket and, just to be on the safe side, a 10 inch long bayonet.

如今，当他每天在加州郊区一条繁忙的道路上骑自行车上班时，他都会随身携带一套齐全的救生包——王牌绷带、碘酒、隔热毯，为了安全起见，他还带着一把 10 英寸长的刺刀。

He'd carry a gun if he could.

如果可以的话，他愿意带枪。

But as a former cop, he'd never dream of breaking California's concealed weapons law.

但作为一名前警察，他从来没有梦想过违反加州的隐藏武器法。

Given all of this, when my mom broke the news that she was heading on vacation to a foreign country, it meant only one thing to my dad, peril.

考虑到这一切，当我妈妈告诉我她要去国外度假时，这对我爸爸来说只意味着一件事：危险。

You get two quite naive women down there.

那里有两个非常天真的女人。

And my wife still has sex appeal, so I'm concerned that's a case for worry.

而且我的妻子仍然具有性感，所以我担心这是一个令人担忧的情况。

It isn't only that she still has sex appeal, it's the fact that there are bad people that will do things to compromise a middle aged woman.

不仅是她还有性感，更是有坏人会做一些损害中年妇女的事情。

They might think she's wealthy.

他们可能认为她很有钱。

Who knows what a depraved person will think?

谁知道一个堕落的人会怎么想？

You don't know, but there's plenty of them out there.

你不知道，但外面有很多这样的人。

No, because of where we're going to be.

不，因为我们要去的地方。

When you're in a place like Puerta Vallarta, which is a resort town.

当您在像巴亚尔塔港这样的度假小镇时。

And I've talked to several people that I've come in contact with who have been there and it's been fine.

我和一些我接触过的人谈过，他们都去过那里，一切都很好。

And we're not that naive, my goodness sakes.

天哪，我们没那么天真。

We're--

我们是——

Do you really think Mom's being naive to say--

你真的认为妈妈这么说很天真吗——

Yes, yes.

是的，是的。

I think she is.

我想她是。

Marty Arnold There we go.

马蒂·阿诺德我们走吧。

I think there's a-- we've discussed this before-- there's a state of mind that some people do not have.

我认为我们之前已经讨论过这个问题，有一种心态是有些人所没有的。

They don't have a vigilance about them.

他们对他们没有警惕性。

They don't suspect.

他们不怀疑。

And that bothers me.

这让我很烦恼。

Dad had plenty of ideas about what might happen to Mom in Puerta Vallarta.

爸爸对妈妈在巴亚尔塔港可能发生的事情有很多想法。

Someone could slip a mickey into her drink.

有人可以把米奇放进她的饮料里。

They could copy her hotel room key and follow her back to her room.

他们可以复制她的酒店房间钥匙并跟踪她回到她的房间。

Dad stewed about this for two weeks.

爸爸为这件事苦恼了两个星期。

And then one day he announced to my mom that he had no choice.

然后有一天，他向我妈妈宣布他别无选择。

He was coming with her.

他要和她一起去。

It would be the only way to ensure her safety.

这是确保她安全的唯一方法。

Mom was stunned and stammered that, of course, he'd be welcome to come.

妈妈惊呆了，结结巴巴地说，当然欢迎他来。

And then she quickly called Noreen.

然后她很快就给诺琳打了电话。

This wasn't the vacation either of them had in mind.

这不是他们俩想要的假期。

And they had to do some last minute juggling.

他们必须在最后一刻做一些杂耍。

They had to figure out sleeping arrangements.

他们必须想出睡觉的安排。

They had to buy another plane ticket.

他们不得不再买一张机票。

And while Mom went about shopping for swimsuits and suntan lotion,

当妈妈去买泳衣和防晒霜时，

Dad started preparing for the trip in his own way, by faxing a letter to the Mexican Consulate asking which weapons of self defense he could legally bring into the country.

爸爸开始以自己的方式为这次旅行做准备，他给墨西哥领事馆传真了一封信，询问他可以合法携带哪些自卫武器进入该国。

I asked Dad to read a sample from the letter.

我请爸爸读一下这封信的样本。

Presumably guns are not allowed there for travelers, but what about pepper spray and knives?

据推测，那里不允许旅客携带枪支，但是胡椒喷雾和刀具呢？

I'm retired from law enforcement and therefore, I know intimately our state laws on bladed weapons, which are very specific as to length of blade, concealment, et cetera.

我已经从执法部门退休，因此，我非常了解我们州有关刀片武器的法律，这些法律对刀片长度、隐蔽性等都有非常具体的规定。

And because I want to stay within the law in Mexico, I'd like to know specifics.

因为我想遵守墨西哥的法律，所以我想了解具体细节。

What is the language of the laws as to blade length, concealment, folders versus fixed blades, gravity knives and so on, also, the laws on pepper spray or the like?

关于刀片长度、隐蔽性、文件夹与直刀、重力刀等方面的法律语言是什么，还有关于胡椒喷雾等的法律？

And a final question, if we decide to rent a car and drive in the hinterland, is it possible to higher protection, for instance, off-duty policeman?

最后一个问题，如果我们决定租车在内地行驶，是否可以得到更高的保护，例如下班的警察？

Dad never did get a response to his letter.

爸爸的信从未得到回复。

But he did hear from his law enforcement buddies that bringing a weapon into Mexico could land him in jail indefinitely.

但他确实从执法伙伴那里听说，携带武器进入墨西哥可能会让他无限期入狱。

He began to worry that announcing his desire to enter the country armed might not have been the best way to introduce himself to the Mexican authorities.

他开始担心，宣布他希望携带武器进入该国可能并不是向墨西哥当局介绍自己的最佳方式。

Meanwhile, my mom began worrying about how my dad was going to fare on the trip.

与此同时，我妈妈开始担心我爸爸在旅途中的表现。

He's a creature of habit with a nightly ritual that he follows religiously.

他是一个习惯性的人，每晚都会虔诚地遵守仪式。

He comes to the kitchen.

他来到厨房。

He has one shot of gin and he has a beer, OK.

他喝了一杯杜松子酒，喝了一杯啤酒，好吧。

And then he's got his little hors d'Oeuvres there.

然后他就拿到了他的小开胃菜。

He has certain things-- radishes, carrots, onions, cheese-- he's now into gruyere.

他有一些东西——萝卜、胡萝卜、洋葱、奶酪——现在他喜欢格鲁耶尔干酪。

He likes the gruyere.

他喜欢格鲁耶尔干酪。

Then he sits down and has his meal and then he has to go right to bed.

然后他坐下来吃饭，然后就必须上床睡觉了。

And that's it.

就是这样。

And so there's no visiting.

所以没有参观。

He's got his thing.

他有他的东西。

He does it.

他做到了。

[？

da, ?] duh, da, duh, da, duh, da, duh.

哒，？] 呵，呵，呵，呵，呵，呵，呵。

Every night, same thing.

每天晚上，都是同样的事情。

He's so routinized, he drives you crazy.

他太循规蹈矩了，他让你发疯。

Yeah.

是的。

Well not a movie, he never watches a movie.

好吧，不是电影，他从不看电影。

He's got six to eight pieces.

他有六到八块。

He watches pieces of this, that, and the other.

他观察这个、那个和其他的片段。

He's either looking for something in it-- there's a car that he saw or there's a diner, or there's a particular scene that reminds him of something, or I don't know.

他要么在里面寻找什么东西——他看到了一辆汽车，或者有一家餐馆，或者有一个特定的场景让他想起了一些东西，或者我不知道。

He's just got his little--

他刚刚得到了他的小——

[UNINTELLIGIBLE] Marty Arnold Yeah, all that stuff.

[无法理解] 马蒂·阿诺德是的，所有这些东西。

For a week, my dad vacillated on his decision to go.

一周以来，我父亲在是否去的决定上犹豫不决。

Finally, he told Mom he'd decided to stay home, blaming his change of heart on back pain.

最后，他告诉妈妈他决定留在家里，并将自己的改变归咎于背痛。

Mom was secretly relieved.

妈妈心里暗暗松了口气。

The night before she left-- as dad offered last minute instructions on how to jam the hotel door shut with a chair-- she wrote out her flight details and gave Dad a list of household chores.

在她离开的前一天晚上——当爸爸在最后一刻指导如何用椅子把酒店门关上时——她写下了她的航班详细信息，并给了爸爸一份家务清单。

The next morning she was gone.

第二天早上她就不见了。

Four days later, I drop in to see how Dad's getting along.

四天后，我顺便去看望爸爸过得怎么样。

When I show up, the front door is locked, something that never happens when Mom's around.

当我出现时，前门被锁上了，当妈妈在身边时，这种情况永远不会发生。

I have to knock loudly, twice.

我必须大声敲门，两次。

When he finally opens the door, Dad is unshaven, his white hair uncombed.

当他终于打开门时，爸爸没有刮胡子，白发也没有梳理。

All the windows are closed and the curtains shut.

所有的窗户都关着，窗帘也拉上。

Last night's video, Castaway , sits on the TV set.

昨晚的视频《漂流者》在电视机上播放。

I tell Dad he looks like he's the one who's stranded on a desert island.

我告诉爸爸他看起来像是被困在荒岛上的人。

He pretends to find the joke funny.

他假装觉得这个笑话很有趣。

But he can't muster a smile.

但他却笑不出来。

So, OK, so we go 0-1-1.

那么，好吧，我们的比分是 0-1-1。

Veronica Chater I suggest we call Mom to check up on her.

维罗妮卡·查特我建议我们打电话给妈妈看看她的情况。

Well, we cannot believe the humidity here, the heat.

好吧，我们简直不敢相信这里的湿度和热量。

We've just had to stay in the hotel the whole time.

我们只好一直呆在酒店里。

It's dirty out there, just dirty.

外面很脏，只是很脏。

Yeah, we've just had to stay in here, because we can't stand the heat.

是的，我们只能呆在这里，因为我们无法忍受炎热。

Oh my gosh.

天哪。

It really makes me feel better.

这确实让我感觉好多了。

It makes you feel better?

这让你感觉好点了吗？

Lyle Arnold Yeah, I'm almost to the point of being in a full depression here with you being away.

莱尔·阿诺德：是的，你不在的时候我几乎要陷入完全沮丧的境地了。

Mom knows just the words that will get Dad's attention.

妈妈知道哪些话会引起爸爸的注意。

Heat, dirt, thieves, danger all around.

炎热、肮脏、小偷、危险无处不在。

Well, we walked by some people.

好吧，我们走过一些人。

And Noreen and I, we were just hanging on to our purses.

诺琳和我，我们只是紧紧抓住我们的钱包。

We thought, oh my gosh, Lyle was right.

我们想，天哪，莱尔是对的。

He should have come, for pete's sake.

看在皮特的份上，他应该来的。

What are we in here?

我们在这里是什么？

This is ridiculous.

这太荒谬了。

I don't know.

我不知道。

But anyways--

但无论如何——

How can you shop?

你如何购物？

You can't even breathe out there.

你甚至无法在那里呼吸。

Dad leans back in his chair.

爸爸靠在椅子上。

He's beaming.

他笑容满面。

He looks genuinely pleased that he was right about everything, that Mom is stuck in her hotel room having no fun at all.

他看起来真的很高兴，因为他在所有事情上都是对的，妈妈被困在她的酒店房间里，一点乐趣也没有。

Finally, when she knows Dad is all worked up, she drops the bomb.

最后，当她知道爸爸很生气时，她扔下了炸弹。

OK, now you want the real scoop now, are you ready?

好吧，现在你想要真正的独家新闻，你准备好了吗？

Yes.

是的。

Marty Arnold OK.

马蒂·阿诺德好的。

It's fabulous, absolutely fabulous.

太棒了，绝对棒极了。

I'm sorry, but I need to tell the truth here.

对不起，但我需要在这里说实话。

Oh my gosh.

天哪。

In fact, we weren't here because we were laying by the pool.

事实上，我们并不在这里，因为我们躺在泳池边。

The trip was just as they'd imagined it would be.

这次旅行正如他们想象的那样。

No, better.

不，更好。

The people were the friendliest she'd ever met.

这里的人是她见过的最友善的人。

She and Noreen were buying tacos from street vendors, bartering with the local merchants, and attending mass in a Mexican church.

她和诺琳从街头小贩那里购买炸玉米饼，与当地商人进行物物交换，并参加墨西哥教堂的弥撒。

You could hear in her voice that she was having the time of her life.

从她的声音中你可以听出她正在享受一生中最美好的时光。

And this was even before we saw the pictures of the young waiter pouring tequila and grenadine down her throat at dinner one night.

甚至在我们看到一天晚上晚餐时年轻服务员将龙舌兰酒和石榴糖浆倒进喉咙的照片之前。

As Mom goes on, Dad's face slowly sinks into a frown.

妈妈继续说下去，爸爸的脸慢慢皱起。

He looks disappointed and confused.

他看上去既失望又困惑。

Not a single bad thing happened?

没有发生任何不好的事情吗？

It was all good.

一切都很好。

He waits for Mom's effervescence to run out of fizz.

他等待着妈妈的兴奋消退。

And when it doesn't, he jumps in at the first opportunity.

如果没有，他就会一有机会就介入。

Let me interrupt.

让我打断一下。

I couldn't find the freezer key.

我找不到冰箱钥匙。

It's hanging above the washer.

它挂在洗衣机上方。

I showed you.

我给你看了。

OK.

好的。

I'll look.

我会看看。

And I couldn't find the checkbook.

而且我找不到支票簿。

Then, when Mom asks Dad how he's doing, he gives her all the grisly details of the lousy time he's been having in her absence.

然后，当妈妈问爸爸他过得怎么样时，他向她讲述了她不在期间他所经历的糟糕时光的所有可怕细节。

Those packaged food things you bought me are awful.

你给我买的那些包装食品太糟糕了。

You're kidding.

你开玩笑吧。

Lyle Arnold Our best meal since you've been gone has been Jack-in-the-Box.

莱尔·阿诺德（Lyle Arnold）自从你走后，我们吃的最好的一餐是“杰克盒子”。

Oven or the microwave?

烤箱还是微波炉？

Lyle Arnold No, in the microwave.

莱尔·阿诺德不，在微波炉里。

No, oven is always better for those things.

不，烤箱总是更适合这些东西。

Well, it's too late.

好吧，已经太晚了。

Marty Arnold Those were expensive, those should be really good, Lyle.

马蒂·阿诺德这些很贵，但应该非常好，莱尔。

Well, they weren't.

嗯，他们不是。

Veronica Chater When Dad hangs up the phone, he sinks further into self pity.

维罗妮卡·查特 (Veronica Chater) 爸爸挂断电话后，他更加陷入自怜之中。

All these years he'd been living under the misconception that he was the one in charge, the man with the badge-- worried and over-protective and laying down the rules.

这些年来，他一直生活在一种错误的观念中，认为他是负责人，是带着徽章的人——担心、过度保护和制定规则。

But in fact, she is the one who takes care of him.

但事实上，她才是照顾他的人。

Without Mom at home to look after him, Dad was defenseless.

没有妈妈在家照顾，爸爸毫无防备。

I want her to go and have a good time.

我想让她走，玩得开心。

It isn't that.

不是那样的。

It's just that I'm so used to having her presence here.

只是我已经习惯了她的存在。

It's incredible.

太不可思议了。

It's physical.

这是身体上的。

You can't see it coming.

你看不到它的到来。

All of a sudden she's gone, she's not here, there is a different aura in the house.

突然她走了，她不在这里，屋子里有一种不一样的气息。

Cold.

寒冷的。

She really is-- she has a radiance about her.

她确实是——她身上散发着光芒。

And she brightens things and that's gone.

她让事情变得光明起来，但那一切都消失了。

My mom survived the trip and my dad did too.

我妈妈在这次旅行中幸存下来，我爸爸也一样。

And he even found his way to the right location at the airport to pick up mom.

他甚至找到了去机场的正确地点去接妈妈。

True, he did arrive more than an hour late.

确实，他确实迟到了一个多小时。

Mom let him know she wasn't too happy about that.

妈妈让他知道她对此不太高兴。

And once she got home, she reprimanded him for being a hopeless housekeeper and a terrible gardener.

回到家后，她斥责他是一个无可救药的管家和一个糟糕的园丁。

But Mom could have scolded Dad all she liked, he was enjoying every minute of it.

但妈妈可以随心所欲地责骂爸爸，他很享受其中的每一分钟。

You could see it in his face as she lined up the sliced radishes, counted out the correct number of olives, and made his salad just the way he likes it.

当她把切好的萝卜排成一排，数出正确的橄榄数量，并按照他喜欢的方式做沙拉时，你可以从他的脸上看到这一点。

[MUSIC- "SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME" BY RICKI LEE JONES]

[音乐 - RICKI LEE JONES 的《有人守护着我》]

Well, we end our program today, about what love is like long after the moment you fall in love, with this story about monogamy itself, from Ian Brown.

好吧，我们今天结束我们的节目，讲述在你坠入爱河的那一刻很久以后，爱情是什么样子，伊恩·布朗讲述了关于一夫一妻制本身的故事。

There's a couple across my street who make love in their living room.

我街对面有一对夫妇在客厅里做爱。

I hear them in the evening when I walk after dinner.

晚上我晚饭后散步时会听到它们的声音。

From the sidewalk, I can see cream walls, a mantle draped in animal hides, African carvings.

从人行道上，我可以看到奶油色的墙壁、覆盖着兽皮的斗篷和非洲雕刻。

The woman makes most of the noise-- mid-range ohs, a second apart, dropping like small crystal cups out of the open French windows of their flat.

女人发出的大部分声音都是中频的哦，间隔一秒钟，像小水晶杯一样从他们公寓开着的落地窗里掉下来。

Passion and disregard for the neighbors, a tremendous combination.

热情和对邻居的漠视，是一个巨大的结合。

The air stops moving around me.

我周围的空气停止流动。

Is their sex better than my own?

他们的性别比我的好吗？

I wonder what she looks like when she's moaning.

我想知道她呻吟时的样子。

Does she love him, presuming it's a him, which I always do?

她是否爱他，假设那是他，就像我一直做的那样？

Or is she there just for the sex?

或者她只是为了性？

I can never decide which would be more exciting.

我永远无法决定哪个会更令人兴奋。

I imagine she's in her 30s and that she has dark hair, an ordinary woman with ordinary chores whose passion is nonetheless excitingly unsuppressible in the evening.

我想象她三十多岁，有一头黑发，一个平凡的女人，做着平凡的家务，但到了晚上，她的激情却令人兴奋地难以抑制。

But which woman is it?

但到底是哪个女人呢？

Is the moaner the doctor who just had a baby, only now returning to sex?

呻吟者是刚刚生完孩子、现在才恢复性生活的医生吗？

The Mexican girl who works out all the time at the gym?

那个一直在健身房锻炼的墨西哥女孩？

Or the Chinese caterer, the woman who drives the Volvo with Ohio license plates?

或者是那位开着俄亥俄州牌照的沃尔沃汽车的中国餐饮服务商？

Her cries never last more than half a block.

她的哭声从来不会持续超过半个街区。

Walking back to my house, I usually have a few bent, embarrassed thoughts.

I think, you're a 39-year-old married man who stands in front of his house listening to an unseen couple make love.

我想，你是一个 39 岁的已婚男人，站在自家门前听一对看不见的情侣做爱。

You're sick.

你病了。

But I keep stepping out there, hoping to hear that little duet.

但我一直走出去，希望能听到那首小二重唱。

My wife wants to have a baby.

我的妻子想要一个孩子。

And it's not just talk or a plan she inherited at birth or the fantasizing she used to practice with the girlfriends-- well, I want to have four-- no, this is different, more insistent.

"When would you like to start?" she said again this morning, third time in a week, as we read the newspaper over breakfast.

“你想什么时候开始？”今天早上，当我们一边吃早餐一边看报纸时，她又说了一遍，这是一周内的第三次。

The sun was already bearing down furiously at half past eight in the God damn morning.

在这个该死的早晨，八点半太阳已经猛烈地落山了。

I could hear the buzz of a weed whacker next door.

我能听到隔壁除草机的嗡嗡声。

"Anytime you like," I said, not taking my eyes off the paper.

“任何时候都可以，”我说，眼睛没有离开报纸。

I didn't want to encourage her because the truth is this.

我不想鼓励她，因为事实就是这样。

Some days I'm for it.

有时候我会支持它。

But when I'm not for it, I'm really not for it.

但当我不喜欢它时，我真的不喜欢它。

My wife's body has changed.

我妻子的身体发生了变化。

Her body, overtaken by hormonal committee, is telling her to get on with its grandest physical purpose.

她的身体被荷尔蒙委员会控制，告诉她要继续实现其最宏伟的身体目标。

I can see it in the slight, post-marital widening of her hips-- no less sexy than the originals, but still wider-- when she lilts away from the bed at night to perform her ablutions.

I can see it in her taste in clothes.

我可以从她对衣服的品味中看出这一点。

She doesn't go any more for the sprayed-on Lycra skirts I used to buy her.

她不再喜欢我以前给她买的喷涂莱卡裙子了。

Even in her sexual habits, she has less interest in sex than she used to.

即使是在性习惯上，她对性的兴趣也比以前少了。

She wants to make love now for keeps.

Pause here for sadness.

在这里暂停一下，以表达悲伤。

Last week, as if by magic, two baby books appeared in the pile on the floor on her side of the bed.

上周，就像变魔术一样，两本婴儿读物出现在她床边地板上的一堆书上。

At the bottom of the pile, but there they were.

虽然在堆的底部，但它们就在那里。

I walked into the bedroom, saw them like a promise I made long ago and had to leave the house.

我走进卧室，看到他们就像我早已许下的诺言，不得不离开家。

I went to a matinee.

我去看了一场日场表演。

When did all that happen?

这一切是什么时候发生的？

I can't remember anything.

我什么都不记得了。

The dates of our courtship, the countless touching things she claims I said, they're at best a blur to me, a fog of declarations.

我们求爱的日期，她声称我说过的无数感人的话，它们对我来说充其量是模糊的，是宣言的迷雾。

One day, I was living my comfortable life and the next she was living with me.

有一天，我过着舒适的生活，第二天她就和我住在一起了。

On a bad day, it makes me nervous to remember all this.

在糟糕的一天，想起这一切让我感到紧张。

On a bad day, when I think about the slow gelling of our togetherness-- it's gathering weight and formality-- the muscle around my heart closes in and my breath comes short and I start to panic.

One day she and I were dating, and then we were living together, and then we bought a house, and then we married, and then she wanted to have a baby-- an escalator of commitments on to which I had apparently stepped.

My friends were astonished.

我的朋友们都很惊讶。

They said I wasn't the type to marry.

他们说我不适合结婚。

A few of them had made bets against it.

他们中的一些人对此下了注。

I told them I wanted to find out what lay on the other side of boredom.

我告诉他们我想知道无聊的另一面是什么。

I stole that line from an old girlfriend.

I thought I was an adventurer.

我以为我是一个冒险家。

And yet, here I stand in a well-trimmed front yard, surrounded by neighbors and swing sets and sport utility vehicles-- the movable monuments of domesticity-- listening to a couple copulate.

And across the yards, I see another man looking warily back at me, doing exactly the same thing.

在院子对面，我看到另一个男人警惕地回头看着我，做着同样的事情。

Just because I'm married now, and practicing what's known as monogamy, doesn't mean I don't think about other women because I do.

仅仅因为我现在结婚了，并且实行所谓的一夫一妻制，并不意味着我不会考虑其他女性，因为我会考虑。

I still conjure up women from my past.

And I still ask myself the question.

You know the question.

你知道这个问题。

Every man does.

每个男人都这样。

Women have their own version of it.

The question is the question you ask yourself every time you see a woman on the street-- every single time, no matter who she is, how old she is, no matter how attractive she is or isn't.

And the question is, would I sleep with her?

Or her?

还是她？

Or how about her?

或者说她呢？

Not, will I sleep with her?

Or, how can I sleep with her?

或者说，我怎么才能和她睡呢？

Or even, could I sleep with her?

The question is, would I?

问题是，我愿意吗？

But even though I always ask the question, I don't act on it because I'm trying to be monogamous.

但即使我总是问这个问题，我也不会付诸行动，因为我想保持一夫一妻制。

That's why monogamy has such a bad reputation.

It's boring.

很无聊。

Monogamy is the habit of not acting on what you want.

一夫一妻制是一种不按照自己的意愿行事的习惯。

I even hate the word itself.

我什至讨厌这个词本身。

It sounds so staid, so bourgeois.

Monogamy, like a board game, the approximation of excitement.

一夫一妻制，就像棋盘游戏一样，近似兴奋。

Sometimes, of course, I hear about open marriages.

当然，有时我也会听说开放式婚姻。

Jung had one, Sartre had won, Henry Miller, Dickens, Freud.

荣格有一个，萨特赢了，亨利·米勒、狄更斯、弗洛伊德也赢了。

I hear about open marriages, and they seem like some fabulous, exotic city that I've always wanted to visit but never seem to get to.

我听说过开放式婚姻，它们似乎是一座神话般的、充满异国情调的城市，我一直想去参观，但似乎从未去过。

Istanbul, open marriages are like Istanbul.

伊斯坦布尔，开放式婚姻就像伊斯坦布尔。

Some ancient, mysterious place where there are minarets and strange music, where one entire civilization suddenly ends and a whole new stranger one begins, a whole new religion even, the mysterious east.

某个古老而神秘的地方，那里有尖塔和奇怪的音乐，整个文明突然结束，一个全新的陌生人开始，甚至是一种全新的宗教，神秘的东方。

I've always wanted to go to Istanbul.

Like most couples, my wife and I sometimes talk about open marriages.

像大多数夫妇一样，我和我的妻子有时会谈论开放式婚姻。

Well, I say we talk about it.

It'd be more accurate to say that the subject comes up and immediately lies down again.

更准确的说法是对象出现后立即又躺下。

We'll be lying in bed in the dark and talking about our lives-- about what we like and what we miss-- in that quiet, pleasant way you do when you're trying to be monogamous.

Then my wife will say in the dark, "You know, if you ever have sex with someone else, some passing fling, I don't want you to tell me about it."

然后我的妻子会在黑暗中说：“你知道，如果你曾经和别人发生过性关系，或者是短暂的风流韵事，我不想让你告诉我这件事。”

And I say, "Really?" I say, really, because I don't know what else to say.

我说：“真的吗？”我说，真的，因为我不知道还能说什么。

If I say, "OK honey, that's fine with me."

如果我说：“好吧，亲爱的，我没意见。”

She'll say, "What, are you thinking about it?"

Then I'll have to say, "Of course not," even if I am.

然后我就不得不说：“当然不是”，即使我是。

So I say, "Really?" Or I'll say something non-committal like, "Don't worry."

所以我说：“真的吗？”或者我会说些不置可否的话，比如“别担心”。

Whatever I say, a few minutes go by.

And then she always says, still in the dark, "But I don't want you to sleep with someone else anyway.

OK?"

好吗？”

And I say, "OK." That's the kind of conversation you have when you agree to be monogamous.

我说：“好吧。”当你同意实行一夫一妻制时，就会进行这样的对话。

I don't want to sleep with anyone else.

Or to be more exact, I'd like to, but I really don't have the constitution for infidelity or for an open marriage or for the guilt.

或者更准确地说，我愿意，但我真的没有不忠或开放婚姻或内疚的宪法。

Monogamy may be boring, but the alternatives take up a lot more time and energy.

一夫一妻制可能很无聊，但其他选择会花费更多的时间和精力。

I don't pretend it has anything to do with moral standards.

我不假装这与道德标准有任何关系。

In fact, I suspect it comes down to something my wife once said to me.

We were having one of our conversational minuets in the dark, one of our gentle but ever so delicate chats about faithfulness, when my wife said that the only thing she missed as a monogamous woman-- at least, I assume she was speaking as a monogamous women-- was newness, new bodies, new hands, new sex.

I said I knew what she meant.

我说我知道她的意思。

And I said, "But isn't that kind of sad?

我说：“但这不是很悲伤吗？

I mean, if you go through your whole life-- 20, 30, 40, 60 years of marriage-- without ever straying, you do that, you never get to know what it's like to be unfaithful.

You never get to know what it feels like to be emotionally illegal.

你永远不会知道情感上违法是什么感觉。

And that's an important feeling, one of the great human themes, after all, a whole constellation of humanity you'll never know.

My wife is quiet for a long time.

I could hear the fridge downstairs, and in the street light coming through the curtains, I could just see her outline.

我能听到楼下冰箱的声音，在透过窗帘的路灯里，我只能看到她的轮廓。

And I thought to myself, I've spent a long time in this bed.

我心里想，我在这张床上已经呆了很长时间了。

"Yes," my wife said then, "That's true.

“是的，”我妻子说道，“确实如此。

But if you do sleep around, you'll never know what it's like to be faithful to one person your whole life, which might also be an important constellation of humanity." There was just a touch of sarcasm in her voice.

但如果你真的睡了，你永远不会知道一生忠于一个人是什么感觉，这也可能是人性的一个重要星座。”她的声音里带着一丝讽刺。

And then it was my turn to lie in the dark for a long time.

然后轮到我在黑暗中躺了很长一段时间。

I'd never considered monogamy as an adventure.

我从来不认为一夫一妻制是一种冒险。

I thought it was, well, domestic travel, where no international borders are crossed.

But monogamy is an adventure, and in some ways, a more mysterious one than open marriage.

但一夫一妻制是一种冒险，在某些方面，比开放式婚姻更神秘。

Because trying to be faithful to one person is a trip that takes time.

因为尝试忠于一个人是一趟需要时间的旅程。

And you never really know if you're getting close or if you've reached the destination.

You never really know when you've arrived.

你永远不知道你什么时候到达。

For my generation, the first one that assumed free love for both sexes was a birth right, for us, monogamy is the last sexual mystery on earth, the great unknown.

We've tried everything else.

我们已经尝试了其他一切。

It's certainly a different kind of trip than open marriage, which has lots of stops along the way, though most of them are the same.

Maybe that's the problem with open marriage, not many surprises.

也许这就是开放式婚姻的问题，没有太多惊喜。

It's titillating, but not very mysterious.

这很令人兴奋，但并不神秘。

Maybe that's why hearing about open marriages always makes me a little sad, why there's always a whiff of defeat about them.

也许这就是为什么听到开放婚姻总是让我有点悲伤，为什么他们总是有一种失败的味道。

I lay there in the dark beside my wife thinking about all this, as I say, for a long time.

正如我所说，我在黑暗中躺在妻子身边，思考了这一切，很长一段时间。

I thought about that dream of hers, to be faithful her whole life.

我想到了她的梦想，一生忠诚。

I thought, it's a sweet dream, almost like an ideal.

我想，这是一个甜蜜的梦，几乎就像一个理想。

And I knew I didn't want to be the one to prove to her that it couldn't come true.

It scared me too, all that responsibility, because it's not such a wise thing to promise.

Anyway, I'm trying to be monogamous.

无论如何，我正在努力实行一夫一妻制。

Maybe not even for myself, maybe I'm just doing it for her.

也许甚至不是为了我自己，也许我只是为了她。

Is that so unusual?

这有那么不寻常吗？

Maybe if I do it for her long enough, I'll start to do it for me as well.

也许如果我为她做这件事足够长的时间，我也会开始为我自己做这件事。

It's not that I don't want to go to Istanbul anymore, I really want to.

In fact, I think about Istanbul all the time, if only to remind myself that it's still there.

事实上，我一直在想伊斯坦布尔，只是为了提醒自己它仍然在那里。

It's just that, there's this other place I want to get to first, a little town that, for the longest time, I never even knew was there.

Ian Brown is the host of Talking Books on CBC Radio, and the anchor for two TV shows on TV Ontario.

Part of his comments are from his book, Man Medium Rare .

Well, our program was produced today by Julie Snyder and myself, with Alix Spiegel and Nancy Updike.

嗯，我们今天的节目是由朱莉·斯奈德和我本人以及阿利克斯·斯皮格尔和南希·厄普代克制作的。

Senior Editor for this show, Paul Tough.

该节目的高级编辑 Paul Tough。

Adrianne Mathiowetz runs our website.

阿德琳娜·马修韦茨 (Adrianne Mathiowetz) 负责运营我们的网站。

Production help from Seth Lind and Emily Youssef.

Seth Lind 和 Emily Youssef 为制作提供帮助。

[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] Our website, where you can get our free weekly podcast.

Free.

免费。

www.thisamericanlife.org.

www.thisamericanlife.org。

This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.

《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。

[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight for our show by Mr. Torey Malatia.

[资金来源] Torey Malatia 先生对我们的节目进行 WBEZ 管理监督。

And you know, you would think a job like his-- running a public radio station-- would just be fun, fun, fun.

For me it's the opposite of having fun.

对我来说，这与享受乐趣相反。

It's a purgatory.

这是一个炼狱。

I'm Ira Glass.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

Back next week with more stories of This American Life.

下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。

This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.

《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。

中文为机器翻译，仅供参考。