348: Tough Room - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #348 | February 8, 2008 348: Tough Room Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 348 集 | 2008 年 2 月 8 日 348：艰难的房间 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass They can laugh about it now, the Ohm family.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯 欧姆家族现在可以对此一笑置之了。
It was Thanksgiving dinner, suburban Minneapolis, big spread, pumpkins on the table, 14 people, and it was 2002, a year after 9/11.
那是感恩节晚餐，明尼阿波利斯郊区，丰盛的晚餐，桌上摆着南瓜，共有 14 个人，那是 2002 年，即 9/11 事件一年后。
We were all just talking about 9/11, just 9/11 anything.
我们都在谈论 9/11，只是 9/11 的任何事情。
This is Alexis, the baby of the family.
这是亚历克西斯，家里的宝贝。
She and her parents came into our studio and talked with one of our show's producers, Alex Blumberg.
她和她的父母来到我们的工作室，与我们节目的制作人之一亚历克斯·布隆伯格进行了交谈。
And one of the topics that was brought up was Osama bin Laden, and I just for some reason just said I thought he was attractive.
提出的话题之一是奥萨马·本·拉登，我只是出于某种原因说我认为他很有吸引力。
I thought he was hot.
我以为他很热。
And my dad really didn't appreciate that comment.
我父亲真的不喜欢这个评论。
I wasn't going to listen to any of it.
我什么都不想听。
I really wasn't.
我真的不是。
I mean, I wasn't going to let any comment like that about his looks get one inch further out of her mouth.
我的意思是，我不会让任何关于他长相的评论从她嘴里说出一英寸。
I'll say to this day, it was ridiculous.
直到今天我都会说，这太荒谬了。
What did your father say?
你父亲说什么？
Alexis Ohm I think he told me to [BLEEP] off.
亚历克西斯·欧姆（Alexis Ohm）我想他让我[BLEEP]关掉。
That had never happened before.
这以前从未发生过。
Alexis looked at her two little cousins, Henry and Hugo, who didn't know how to react.
亚历克西斯看着她的两个小表弟亨利和雨果，他们不知道该如何反应。
Her mom Diane didn't know how to react.
她的妈妈黛安不知道该如何反应。
I just my whole meal that I had spent a week preparing kind of going up in flames with that statement.
我花了一周时间准备的整顿饭都因为这句话而火上浇油。
The minute the F-bomb landed, I thought, well now, what am I going to do?
当F炸弹落地的那一刻，我想，现在我该怎么办？
There sat these two precious little boys, and their eyes were as big as saucers, and I had to do something, anything to smooth this horrible situation over.
那里坐着两个可爱的小男孩，他们的眼睛像碟子一样大，我必须做点什么，任何事情来平息这种可怕的情况。
So I think I probably said something like, well, you know what?
所以我想我可能说了这样的话，嗯，你知道吗？
He does kind of look like Jesus, the long hair.
他的长发确实有点像耶稣。
Just to smooth it over, that's what I remember myself saying.
只是为了缓和一下，我记得我自己就是这么说的。
Yeah, needless to say, comparing Osama bin Laden to Jesus didn't exactly smooth things over.
是的，不用说，将奥萨马·本·拉登与耶稣进行比较并不能完全解决问题。
Yeah, I probably went to about 250 degrees, because I just--
是的，我的温度可能达到了 250 度左右，因为我只是——
I think I got out of my chair, I really did.
我想我从椅子上站了起来，我真的做到了。
I said, if that's the best we can come up with after what's happened to our country, boy, I'll tell you.
我说，如果这是我们国家发生这些事情后我们能想到的最好办法，孩子，我会告诉你的。
He was going off.
他要走了。
And when Jeff goes off, we all listen.
当杰夫离开时，我们都会听。
I do remember him saying something horrible, like I think the Middle East should be made into a parking lot.
我确实记得他说了一些可怕的话，比如我认为中东应该变成一个停车场。
I think you do that day.
我想那天你会这么做。
Jeff Ohm No, I know I didn't.
杰夫·欧姆：不，我知道我没有。
Yes, you did.
是的，你做到了。
Jeff Ohm I guess in retrospect, my reaction, I regret what I said.
杰夫·欧姆：回想起来，我的反应是，我对自己所说的话感到后悔。
But I had to get my point across.
但我必须表达我的观点。
I just for some reason had no appreciation for what Osama bin Laden looked like.
只是出于某种原因，我不欣赏奥萨马·本·拉登的长相。
This guy, I don't care what he looks like.
这个人，我不在乎他长什么样。
I don't care if he looked like Paul Newman.
我不在乎他是否看起来像保罗·纽曼。
He's still responsible for what he did.
他仍然要为他所做的事负责。
The looks thing, it just jacked me right there.
外表的事情，它就在那里吸引了我。
Alexis pretty much knew what she was getting into to talk about Osama bin Laden this way with her dad.
亚历克西斯很清楚她会以这种方式与父亲谈论奥萨马·本·拉登。
He is conservative and served in the army.
他是保守派，曾在军队服役。
She knew what kind of room she was working.
她知道自己在什么样的房间里工作。
But she hadn't really factored in the fact that it was Thanksgiving dinner.
但她并没有真正考虑到这是感恩节晚餐。
Her dad says that's a lot of what made it blow up.
她的父亲说这就是导致它爆炸的很多原因。
That was just the wrong place at the wrong time.
那只是在错误的时间出现在错误的地点。
It really was.
确实如此。
I think the tension of Thanksgiving, getting the food all on the table, getting prepared, getting going.
我想到了感恩节的紧张气氛，把食物全部摆上餐桌，做好准备，出发。
And then all of a sudden, here we go.
然后突然之间，我们开始了。
Today on our show, we have stories of people facing various kinds of tough rooms, trying to calculate what they're going to say, what they can get away with, and usually not getting the reactions they figured they were going to get.
今天在我们的节目中，我们有这样的故事：人们面对各种艰难的房间，试图计算他们要说什么，他们可以逃脱什么，但通常没有得到他们认为会得到的反应。
WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life , distributed by Public Radio International.
WBEZ 芝加哥，这就是《This American Life》，由国际公共广播电台发行。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Our program today, Tough Room in four tough acts.
我们今天的节目《艰难的房间》有四场艰难的表演。
Act one, Make 'Em Laff, in which we go among comedy professionals who face a room that is so tough, there's just one laugh every 100 jokes.
第一幕《让他们笑》中，我们置身于喜剧专业人士之中，他们面临着一个非常艰难的房间，每 100 个笑话中只有一个笑声。
Act two, Bar Car Prophecy.
第二幕，酒吧汽车预言。
A young person tries to hang out in a tough room full of adults, adults and booze.
一个年轻人试图在一个充满成年人、成年人和酒的艰难房间里闲逛。
Act three, Mission Impossible.
第三幕，不可能的任务。
At the doorsteps to one of the great secular temples to science ever built, New York's Museum of Natural History, two Mormon missionaries work a very tough sidewalk as they try to bring unbelievers over to their way of seeing things.
在有史以来最伟大的世俗科学圣殿之一——纽约自然历史博物馆的门口，两名摩门教传教士在一条非常艰难的人行道上行走，试图让非信徒接受他们看待事物的方式。
Act four, Tough Newsroom.
第四幕，艰难的新闻编辑室。
Writer Malcolm Gladwell remembers getting a newspaper job with no experience, and no real idea of how to write for a newspaper.
作家马尔科姆·格拉德威尔 (Malcolm Gladwell) 记得在没有经验的情况下找到了一份报纸工作，也不知道如何为报纸写作。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act one, Make 'Em Laff.
第一幕，让他们发疯。
There are tough rooms for salesmen, and tough rooms for politicians, and tough rooms for teachers, and grant applicants, and job interviewees, and doctoral students taking their orals.
推销员有困难的房间，政治家有困难的房间，教师、资助申请者、求职面试者和做口语的博士生也有困难的房间。
But I think the classic tough room, the tough room that defines them all, is when a comedian stands in front of a silent audience, delivering one joke after another, and getting nothing back whatsoever.
但我认为，经典的艰难房间，定义了所有这些的艰难房间，就是当一位喜剧演员站在沉默的观众面前，讲一个又一个笑话，却没有得到任何回报。
And there's no tougher audience than other comedians.
没有比其他喜剧演员更难对付的观众了。
All right, here we go.
好吧，我们开始吧。
Global warming proven by one 50-degree day in January.
一月的一天 50 度的气温证明了全球变暖。
Area man just wants to know if he should cancel his annual Oscars party or not.
地区男子只是想知道他是否应该取消一年一度的奥斯卡派对。
Nation guesses it will have the chicken Caesar salad.
Nation猜测会有鸡肉凯撒沙拉。
It's Monday morning in the offices of The Onion , and to start the new issue, each of the writers has brought in a list of 15 headlines for their fake news newspaper.
周一早上，在《洋葱报》的办公室里，为了开始新一期，每位作者都为他们的假新闻报纸列出了 15 个头条新闻。
There are eight people at the table, seven men and one woman, which is par for the course in the comedy business, almost all of them in their 20s.
餐桌上有八个人，七男一女，这在喜剧界是正常的，几乎都是二十多岁。
Seth Reiss goes first.
赛斯·赖斯（Seth Reiss）先行。
He's just 24, been at the paper for two years.
他才24岁，在报社工作两年了。
And the way it works is, if Seth can convince two people to vote for a headline, it survives one more day until the next round of editing.
它的工作原理是，如果塞思能够说服两个人投票支持一个标题，它就会多存活一天，直到下一轮编辑。
Sure.
当然。
Seth Reiss Report: America runs on--
塞斯·赖斯报告：美国继续——
I'm sorry.
对不起。
It got enough votes, I just didn't understand why that was funny, and I was going to ask for it but I--
它得到了足够的选票，我只是不明白为什么这很有趣，我本来想要求它，但我——
I just think it's silly.
我只是觉得这很愚蠢。
Todd Hanson OK.
托德·汉森 好的。
I'm just saying.
我只是说说而已。
The joke survives.
这个笑话仍然存在。
Seth marks it with a highlighter.
赛斯用荧光笔标记了它。
I came here because, by the time they're done with this process, The Onion is one of the most reliably funny things out there.
我来到这里是因为，当他们完成这个过程时，洋葱是那里最可靠有趣的东西之一。
And I heard that one of the reasons for that was this room.
我听说原因之一就是这个房间。
This was a very tough room, with a tough minded editorial process that they've been using for 20 years, and I wanted to see what that meant.
这是一个非常艰难的房间，他们已经使用了 20 年的严格的编辑流程，我想看看这意味着什么。
Car commercial pretty adamant about car.
汽车广告对汽车的态度非常坚决。
Yeah.
是的。
Man 2 Class struggle a breeze for local investment banker.
对于当地投资银行家来说，Man 2 Class 的奋斗轻而易举。
Todd?
托德？
[LAUGHTER]
[笑声]
Now you're just calling out who you want to vote for them?
现在你只是喊出你想投票给谁？
That's not right.
那是不对的。
Though it's incredibly popular, with three quarters of a million copies in print each week plus 5 million individual visitors at the website every month, it's possible that, especially if you're older, you've never actually read The Onion .
尽管它非常受欢迎，每周印刷量达四分之三百万份，每月网站上有 500 万个人访问者，但您可能从未真正读过《洋葱报》，尤其是如果您年纪较大的话。
So here's what you need to know.
这就是您需要了解的内容。
It's written in newspaper form, though lots of the funniest stories aren't really news parody, but just everyday life described in a deadpan newspaper style, like "Stoners announce plans to get stoned for that," or "Rejection letter silently flipped off," or "Control of anecdote wrested from boyfriend." These were all considered for this one issue, by the way.
它以报纸的形式写成，尽管许多最有趣的故事并不是真正的新闻模仿，而只是以面无表情的报纸风格描述日常生活，比如“斯通纳宣布计划为此被扔石头”，或者“拒绝信默默地被拒绝”，或者“从男朋友手中夺取轶事的控制权”。顺便说一句，这些都是针对这一问题考虑的。
The younger staffers say that it's hard not to take what happens in this room personally sometimes.
年轻的员工们表示，有时很难不把这个房间里发生的事情视为针对个人。
Seth Reiss tells me that he's made a resolution to stop muttering under his breath, you're all wrong, when the group rejects his headlines, because after all, they can't all be wrong.
塞斯·赖斯告诉我，当大家拒绝接受他的头条新闻时，他已经决定不再低声嘀咕“你们都错了”，因为毕竟，他们不可能都错了。
Megan Ganz, who is 23 and who has been at the paper for a year and a half, says it can be a blow, and it smarts when a headline that you're sure of, that you love, doesn't make the cut.
23 岁的梅根·甘茨 (Megan Ganz) 已经在该报工作了一年半，她说这可能是一个打击，而且当你确定、喜欢的标题没有上榜时，你会感到很痛苦。
That happens a lot.
这种情况经常发生。
And then all of that work just evaporates into nothing.
然后所有这些工作就烟消云散了。
There are headlines that I remember pitching that I think I know that they're not any good, but some part of my heart is like attached to them.
我记得有一些标题，我认为我知道它们没有任何好处，但我内心的某些部分就像依恋它们。
Like I had this one that was, "Spork used as knife." And for some reason that was like the funniest thing I thought I'd ever thought of, was the fact that here's a utensil that's two utensils, and you're using it as the only utensil it isn't.
就像我有这个，“用叉子当刀”。出于某种原因，这就像我想到过的最有趣的事情，事实上这是一个有两个器皿的器皿，而你将它用作唯一一个它不是的器皿。
And it didn't even get a titter in the meeting.
会议上甚至没有引起一阵窃笑。
Nothing, it just died.
没什么，只是死了而已。
And I read it twice, and they were like, yeah, move on.
我读了两遍，他们说，是的，继续吧。
Still, that must have been this summer.
不过，那一定是今年夏天的事了。
It was like months ago that I wrote that headline.
就好像几个月前我写下这个标题一样。
I still think about it.
我还在想。
World's most depressing technical college creates world's most depressing bus ad.
世界上最压抑的技术学院制作了世界上最压抑的公交车广告。
It's a slight variation on one that I've--
这与我之前的略有不同——
I still like that.
我还是喜欢这样。
Megan Ganz I like that one.
梅根·甘兹 我喜欢那个。
OK.
好的。
Ira Glass The highlighter is passed to Todd Hanson, who's not just the oldest person at the table, he's been at The Onion longer than anybody else.
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 荧光笔交给了托德·汉森 (Todd Hanson)，他不仅是餐桌上最年长的人，而且在 The Onion 工作的时间比任何人都长。
He started in 1990 when The Onion wasn't really a business, but more of a hobby for a few friends who all worked crappy jobs elsewhere to support themselves.
他于 1990 年创立，当时 The Onion 并不是一家真正的企业，而更多的是几个朋友的爱好，他们都在其他地方打着蹩脚的工作来养活自己。
In these meetings, he tends to talk the most, partly out of seniority, and partly, as he admits, because he just can't be any other way.
在这些会议上，他往往说得最多，部分是出于资历，部分是他承认的，因为他无法以其他方式行事。
Though when he reads his list, he's just like any of the other writers.
不过，当他读到自己的名单时，他就像其他作家一样。
And this is really the damnedest thing about their jobs.
这确实是他们工作中最该死的事情。
Even with all his years of experience, even he can't tell which of his brand new jokes is any good.
以他多年的经验，他也分不清自己的新笑话哪个好。
Man evidently thinks those sideburns make him look cool.
男人显然认为这些鬓角让他看起来很酷。
It's not funny.
这不好笑。
I kind of like that.
我有点喜欢这样。
Todd Hanson Really?
托德·汉森 真的吗？
Kind of.
有点儿。
Todd Hanson Is it funny with something other than sideburns?
托德·汉森（Todd Hanson）除了鬓角以外还有什么有趣的吗？
Sideburns?
鬓角？
Todd Hanson No?
托德·汉森 不？
OK, all right.
好吧，好吧。
Pornography desensitized populace demands new orifice to look at.
色情内容麻木的民众需要新的视角来看待。
Yes.
是的。
Todd Hanson OK.
托德·汉森 好的。
Area man not technically pathetic in that he fails to elicit pathos.
从技术上讲，该地区的人并不可悲，因为他未能引发悲情。
But are you just making a joke about how people incorrectly use the word pathetic?
但你只是在开玩笑说人们如何错误地使用“可怜”这个词吗？
It takes them two long mornings, on Monday and on Tuesday, to come up with these 16 headlines they're going to use in the paper this week.
他们花了周一和周二两个漫长的早晨，才想出了本周将在报纸上使用的 16 个标题。
And to get to those 16, they go through-- and I know this number is going to sound kind of crazy-- 600 possible headlines.
为了找到这 16 个，他们要遍历——我知道这个数字听起来有点疯狂——600 个可能的头条新闻。
OK, this is a sad joke that comes straight from real life.
好吧，这是一个直接来自现实生活的悲伤笑话。
Casual relationship enters third year.
随意关系进入第三个年头。
So that's still going on?
那么这种情况还在继续吗？
[LAUGHTER] Sorry.
[笑声] 抱歉。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
That wasn't to be mean, that was a legitimate question, because we've talked about it before.
这并不是恶意，这是一个合理的问题，因为我们之前已经讨论过。
Truthfully, the staff is a lot nicer to each other than I figured they'd be.
说实话，工作人员之间的关系比我想象的要好得多。
Comedians can be incredibly competitive, and The Onion has gone through phases when the chemistry wasn't so chill.
喜剧演员的竞争能力非常强，而《洋葱报》也经历过化学反应不那么冷淡的阶段。
But mainly, they're just tough on the material.
但主要是，他们对材料要求很高。
It's a tough room because of how minutely they dissect all the jokes.
这是一个艰难的房间，因为他们仔细地剖析了所有的笑话。
Over the years, they've developed a way of discussing the material that helps them decide whether something is so outstandingly funny, it beats a lot of other jokes that are also pretty funny, and what makes each joke funny, and how to make it funnier.
多年来，他们开发了一种讨论材料的方法，帮助他们确定某件事是否非常有趣，是否胜过许多其他也很有趣的笑话，以及是什么让每个笑话有趣，以及如何让它变得更有趣。
As an outsider, and not privy to these shared assumptions and what one of them called their hive mentality, it's sometimes hard to figure out why, for instance, "Local girlfriend always wants to do stuff" was a good enough headline to make it into the paper, while a headline that seems nearly identical, "Nation's girlfriends call for more quality time," literally gets jeers.
作为一个局外人，不了解这些共同的假设以及他们中的一个人所说的“蜂巢心态”，有时很难弄清楚为什么“当地女朋友总是想做点什么”是一个足够好的标题可以登上报纸，而一个看起来几乎相同的标题“国家的女朋友呼吁更多的美好时光”实际上会受到嘲笑。
Jeers.
嘲笑。
Listen.
听。
Nation's girlfriends call for more quality time.
Nation 的闺蜜们呼吁享受更多美好时光。
Or nation's wives spend all the husband's money on expensive hats.
或者国家的妻子把丈夫的所有钱都花在昂贵的帽子上。
Coming home with another round shaped box.
带着另一个圆形盒子回家。
Look at that stack of round boxes.
看看那堆圆形盒子。
Or why does this joke get immediate, unquestioning approval?
或者为什么这个笑话会立即得到毫无疑问的认可？
While the headline "Roommate's unopened bag of Doritos taunting area man" deserved a long discussion over whether the point of the joke was in fact the taunting.
虽然标题“室友的未开封的多力多力多力多滋嘲讽地区男子”的标题值得长时间讨论，因为这个笑话的要点是否实际上是嘲讽。
The reason it's funny is because the word taunting--
之所以有趣是因为嘲讽这个词——
Like he's been staring at it from a distance of 15 feet from his couch for the past 10 minutes.
就好像过去 10 分钟他一直在距离沙发 15 英尺的地方盯着它。
Or do the Doritos themselves make the joke too obvious?
还是多力多滋本身把这个笑话讲得太明显了？
It would be funny, and it would have funny details in it, but on its immediate surface, it's a joke about Doritos, and like a food item--
这会很有趣，里面会有有趣的细节，但从表面上看，这是一个关于多力多滋的笑话，就像一种食品——
I agree that Doritos is an immediate go-to kind of snack.
我同意多力多滋是一种立即首选的零食。
Is there another snack it could be?
还有其他零食吗？
I mean Doritos is the exact right product.
我的意思是多力多滋是完全正确的产品。
Watching them parse jokes like this, with a kind of academic precision that they're sort of proud of, hour after hour, it's not just tedious, it's the opposite of comedy.
看着他们以一种他们引以为傲的学术精确性，一小时又一小时地解析这样的笑话，这不仅乏味，而且与喜剧相反。
And the other thing that was very odd watching them work, was that most of the jokes that got the biggest laughs from the writers themselves did not make it into the paper.
观看他们工作的另一件非常奇怪的事情是，大多数让作家自己笑得最开心的笑话并没有出现在报纸上。
For example, this headline.
比如这个标题。
Cardinal teaches pope to make church by interlocking his fingers.
红衣主教教教皇通过十指相扣来建造教堂。
Or this one.
或者这个。
Man 3 Gay retard teased.
男人 3 同性恋智障被嘲笑。
[LAUGHTER]
[笑声]
That one's great.
那个很棒。
Man 2 That's so awful.
男2 太可怕了
Or here's another.
或者这是另一个。
Man 2 Infertile woman treats frog shaped humidifier as human child.
男人2 不孕妇女把青蛙形状的加湿器当作人类的孩子。
[LAUGHTER]
[笑声]
And what the hell?
到底是什么？
Let's just do one more.
我们再做一个吧。
Biologist realizes he's been studying Cadbury egg.
生物学家意识到他一直在研究吉百利鸡蛋。
After the meeting, I get explanations for the many mysterious decisions I've witnessed.
会后，我得到了对我目睹的许多神秘决定的解释。
I'm told that usually the jokes that get laughs on Monday do not survive.
有人告诉我，周一让人发笑的笑话通常不会流传下来。
Again, Megan Ganz.
又是梅根·甘兹。
A lot of the jokes that we laugh really hard at don't make it in the paper, because they're just like initially funny, but then we sit down on Tuesday and go, well what does that mean though?
很多我们笑得很开心的笑话并没有出现在报纸上，因为它们就像一开始很有趣，但然后我们在星期二坐下来，然后，这意味着什么？
What will we say about that?
对此我们该怎么说呢？
Where does that joke go?
这个笑话哪里去了？
There was a headline once that everyone laughed at really hard, that was "Woman crying by penguin exhibit." Do you guys remember this headline?
曾经有一个标题让大家笑得很厉害，那就是“女人在企鹅展览前哭泣”。大家还记得这个标题吗？
"Woman sobbing near penguin exhibit." And everyone laughed really hard, and then everyone went, OK, but why is that funny?
“一名妇女在企鹅展览附近哭泣。”每个人都笑得很厉害，然后每个人都说，好吧，但是为什么这很有趣呢？
It's funny because it's penguins, I guess, and like women crying is kind of a weird thing to be happening near them.
这很有趣，因为我猜这是企鹅，就像女人哭泣在它们附近发生是一件奇怪的事情一样。
But then nobody would pitch that on a Tuesday meeting as being funny, even though it made everyone laugh.
但在周二的会议上，没有人会认为这很有趣，尽管它让每个人都笑了。
Nobody would pitch that, because what do you write about that?
没有人会提出这个，因为你对此写了什么？
It doesn't go anywhere.
它哪儿也去不了。
And then there's this mystery.
还有这个谜团。
Why did the story "Local girlfriend always wants to do stuff" make the paper, while "Nation's girlfriends call for more quality time" got heckled.
为什么“本地女友总想做事”的故事登上了报纸，而“国家女友呼吁更多美好时光”却遭到质问。
Todd Hanson and Dan Guterman explain that the story that went with "Local girlfriend always wants to do stuff" was actually written in a way that made fun of the guy in the relationship.
托德·汉森（Todd Hanson）和丹·古特曼（Dan Guterman）解释说，与“当地女友总是想做事”相关的故事实际上是以一种取笑这段关系中的男人的方式写的。
In talking about what a sort of lowly loser he is for being irked by his girlfriend's desire to do things.
在谈论他是一个多么卑微的失败者，因为他被女友的做事欲望所激怒。
It's just more like, she's always wanting to go do stuff, and be around people.
更像是，她总是想做点事情，和人们在一起。
And she always wants to leave the house.
而且她总是想离开家。
And that seemed more original and different to us, whereas nation girlfriends-- what was it?
这对我们来说似乎更新颖、更不同，而国民女友——那是什么？
Call for more quality time.
呼吁更多优质时间。
Dan Guterman Just seemed like a joke about nagging girlfriends.
丹·古特曼（Dan Guterman）似乎只是一个关于唠叨女朋友的笑话。
And the problem with a joke about nagging girlfriends isn't the political correctness of it, but simply it's a really tired joke.
一个关于唠叨女朋友的笑话的问题不在于它的政治正确性，而在于它是一个非常令人厌倦的笑话。
It's a really tired joke.
这实在是一个很累的笑话。
Ira Glass In fact, all through their editorial meanings, they're talking constantly about what jokes are tired.
Ira Glass 事实上，从他们的编辑意义来看，他们一直在谈论什么是令人厌倦的笑话。
A joke about the Green Party and marijuana brownies was killed partly because mentioning the Green Party at all seemed passe.
一个关于绿党和大麻布朗尼的笑话被扼杀，部分原因是提及绿党似乎已经过时了。
A headline about Nicole Richie's new baby, "Nicole Richie thinks baby looks fat," was ditched on the theory that any Nicole Richie fat or anorexia reference was very 2005.
关于妮可·里奇 (Nicole Richie) 刚出生的婴儿的标题“妮可·里奇 (Nicole Richie) 认为婴儿看起来很胖”，被放弃了，因为任何有关妮可·里奇 (Nicole Richie) 肥胖或厌食症的内容都非常 2005 年。
But one area where tastes differ on the staff is when it comes to silliness.
但员工们的品味不同的一个方面是，当谈到愚蠢时。
They're for silliness, sometimes.
有时他们是为了愚蠢。
Take the joke, "Scientist realizes he's been studying Cadbury egg" that got such a big laugh on Monday.
以周一引起大笑的笑话为例，“科学家意识到他一直在研究吉百利鸡蛋”。
It's just a silly joke, says Megan.
梅根说，这只是一个愚蠢的笑话。
Like, we do silly jokes, granted.
就像，我们会开玩笑，理所当然。
But it just doesn't have that X factor of being silly and kind of compelling.
但它只是没有那种愚蠢和令人信服的X因素。
I don't know, it doesn't have-- I can't explain what the difference is between that one and we ran one that was "Thirsty mayor drinks town's entire water supply." And that one, we had the same reaction when it was read.
我不知道，它没有——我无法解释那个和我们运行的“口渴的市长喝掉镇上的整个供水系统”之间有什么区别。读到那篇文章时，我们也有同样的反应。
We laughed really hard.
我们笑得很厉害。
And then it went in the paper.
然后它就上了报纸。
And why is that one sillier and in a better way than the other one is silly?
为什么那个比另一个更愚蠢并且以一种更好的方式愚蠢？
It's funny because it's almost always agreed upon in the meetings.
这很有趣，因为会议上几乎总是达成一致。
Almost, but not quite.
几乎，但不完全是。
When Todd Hanson and I sat down for an interview, he spontaneously brought up the exact same headline Megan had mentioned, but to make a very different point.
当托德·汉森和我坐下来接受采访时，他自发地提出了梅根提到的完全相同的标题，但提出了截然不同的观点。
No, no, don't get me wrong.
不，不，别误会我的意思。
I like the silly jokes.
我喜欢那些愚蠢的笑话。
I just have to think them through and find out what they're saying.
我只需要仔细思考并找出他们在说什么。
Like I remember there was a joke, "Thirsty mayor drinks entire town's water supply." And I just kept saying, why?
我记得有一个笑话，“口渴的市长喝掉了整个城镇的供水。”我只是一直说，为什么？
What is it?
它是什么？
Thirsty guy drinks a whole lake?
口渴的人喝掉一整湖？
Like what's funny about that?
比如说这有什么好笑的？
That's just silly in a way that isn't funny.
这在某种程度上是愚蠢的，并不好笑。
And they're like, no, no, you got to trust us.
他们说，不，不，你必须相信我们。
It's funny because he's the thirsty mayor, he drinks the whole town.
有趣的是，他是口渴的市长，他喝了整个城镇的水。
And they were trying to explain it to me, and I just didn't get it.
他们试图向我解释，但我就是不明白。
And then finally, it clicked in my head, and I said, oh I get it.
最后，它在我脑海中响起，我说，哦，我明白了。
It's about misappropriation of public resources by a corrupt ruling oligarchy, or whatever.
这是关于腐败的寡头统治集团盗用公共资源的问题，或者其他什么。
And then everyone made fun of me, like oh yeah, that's what it's about.
然后每个人都取笑我，就像哦，是的，就是这样。
It's not just silly.
这不仅仅是愚蠢的。
Well, of course it's silly, but it has something to say, and that's why it's funny.
嗯，这当然很愚蠢，但是它有话要说，这就是它有趣的原因。
That's what I think.
我就是这么认为的。
I just don't think jokes that don't have anything to say are that funny.
我只是觉得没有什么可说的笑话没那么好笑。
If you can't find something legitimate to say within the context of the joke, no matter how silly it is, I don't see the point of it.
如果你在笑话中找不到合理的说法，无论它多么愚蠢，我都看不出它有什么意义。
In fact, to sort this out, a whole language has emerged over the years at The Onion to talk about whether something is too silly, or silly in the wrong way.
事实上，为了解决这个问题，洋葱新闻多年来已经出现了一种完整的语言来讨论某件事是否太愚蠢，或者以错误的方式愚蠢。
Writers speak about a joke taking them to Silly Town, or Crazyville, or Sillytown Heights, which is either good or bad depending on the person.
作家们谈到一个笑话，把他们带到愚蠢镇、疯狂维尔或愚蠢镇高地，这取决于人的好坏。
And it can be bad, though it's usually good, when something is called a laffer.
当某种东西被称为拉弗时，它可能是坏的，尽管通常是好的。
That's laffer with two f's.
这是带有两个 f 的 laffer。
A laffer is a big dumb joke that you have to laugh at.
laffer 是一个你不得不笑的大愚蠢笑话。
If the photo that accompanies a story is a sandwich holding a press conference, that's a laffer.
如果故事附带的照片是一个举行新闻发布会的三明治，那就是一个 Laffer。
And the whole story is a laffertunity.
整个故事是一个懒惰的故事。
Laffers are often the most emailed stories, the most popular things that The Onion does.
拉弗斯通常是通过电子邮件发送最多的故事，也是洋葱新闻中最受欢迎的事情。
And while everybody on staff likes both silly jokes and jokes with a bigger meaning, a few of the younger writers definitely have more tolerance for jokes that are purely silly, and a different vision for what should go in the paper.
虽然工作人员中的每个人都喜欢愚蠢的笑话和具有更大意义的笑话，但一些年轻的作家肯定对纯粹愚蠢的笑话有更多的容忍度，并且对报纸上应该写什么有不同的看法。
And there are a couple times during the editorial meetings that I watched where the two sides squared off against each other.
在编辑会议期间，我有几次看到双方针锋相对。
At one point, they were discussing two headlines that covered very familiar ground at The Onion .
有一次，他们正在讨论两个涉及洋葱新闻非常熟悉的内容的头条新闻。
"Plan to stay in all weekend and play video games goes off smoothly," and "Area man makes it through day." Seth, one of the newest staffers, and Todd, the oldest, saw these very differently.
“整个周末待在家里玩电子游戏的计划进行得很顺利，”和“区域人顺利度过了这一天。”新加入的员工之一赛斯和最年长的托德对这些的看法截然不同。
Especially the video game one seems very Onion by the numbers.
尤其是视频游戏，从数字来看似乎非常洋葱。
I know.
我知道。
But almost to a point where it's like that sentiment, I don't think we're doing anything new there.
但几乎到了这种情绪的地步，我认为我们并没有在这方面做任何新的事情。
I don't know, I just think that that is The Onion's ethos.
我不知道，我只是认为这就是洋葱的精神。
That's kind of like what The Onion is about.
这有点像《洋葱》的主题。
That's what America is--
这就是美国——
I feel like you've done that joke before.
我感觉你以前开过这样的玩笑。
The reason we've done that joke before is American has been like that for a long time, and it still is.
我们以前开过这个玩笑的原因是美国人长期以来都是这样，现在仍然如此。
But the sentiment is so similar to the sentiment of a lot of Onion headlines that people aren't going to notice that.
但这种情绪与许多洋葱头条新闻的情绪非常相似，以至于人们不会注意到这一点。
They're just going to be like, oh, The Onion does this again.
他们只会说，哦，洋葱又这么做了。
It just doesn't feel right to me.
我只是感觉不太对劲。
I'm going to keep writing jokes like that till the day I die.
我会继续写这样的笑话，直到我死的那一天。
So I'm just warning you.
所以我只是警告你。
At the heart of this dispute is a problem that comes up in any creative project that lasts even a few years.
这场争论的核心是任何持续几年的创意项目都会出现的问题。
You don't want to become a parody of yourself.
你不想成为自己的模仿者。
You don't want to keep repeating the same things over and over.
你不想一遍又一遍地重复同样的事情。
And yet, there are some things that you do a lot of, that are just built into the DNA of what you make.
然而，有些事情你做了很多，它们已经融入到你所做的事情的 DNA 中。
This is definitely something that we struggle with here on our radio show.
这绝对是我们在广播节目中遇到的难题。
And in fact, The Onion once did an article that made fun of us for rehashing certain kinds of stories, which was funny, and it stung.
事实上，《洋葱报》曾经发表过一篇文章，取笑我们重复某些类型的故事，这很有趣，也很刺痛。
Megan Ganz says that as one of the newer writers on staff, she worries sometimes that they're just repeating the same jokes over and over with different words.
梅根·甘兹说，作为新来的编剧之一，她有时担心他们只是用不同的词语一遍又一遍地重复同样的笑话。
There's one, for instance, where a big government institution just acts like your schmo college roommate, like "Syria attends Mideast peace talks for free continental breakfast." Funny, but it's a formula.
例如，有一个大型政府机构就像你的 schmo 大学室友一样，比如“叙利亚参加中东和平谈判，享受免费欧陆式早餐”。有趣，但这是一个公式。
And now, they have with the youngs and olds, the promise is all of the young people grew up reading the stuff that the older people wrote.
现在，他们与年轻人和老年人一起承诺，所有年轻人都是读着老年人写的东西长大的。
So we formed our sense of humor on The Onion , and then became writers for The Onion.
所以我们在《洋葱报》上形成了幽默感，然后成为了《洋葱报》的作家。
You're trying to write for your idols.
你正在努力为你的偶像写作。
It's strange.
很奇怪。
It's strange for us.
这对我们来说很奇怪。
We've talked about it many times, the young people here, it's strange for us to write for your idols.
我们已经谈过很多次了，这里的年轻人，为你们的偶像写作对我们来说很奇怪。
But also are you saying to Todd, who's been here forever, like yeah, you can't do that again.
但你是否也对一直在这里的托德说，是的，你不能再这样做了。
Don't do that joke again.
别再开那样的玩笑了。
I'm tired of that joke.
我厌倦了那个笑话。
That is really horrible, isn't it?
这真的太可怕了，不是吗？
So I've been trying to mimic him throughout my life to get to where I am.
所以我一生都在努力模仿他，以达到我现在的水平。
And now that I'm where I am, I'm like, don't do what you do.
现在我就在这儿，我想，不要做你所做的事。
In the end, "Area man makes it through day" makes it onto a list of stories that will appear in upcoming issues of The Onion , partly because the founder and editor in chief of the paper, Scott Dikkers, liked it.
最终，“地区男人度过了一天”进入了即将出版的《洋葱报》的故事列表，部分原因是该报的创始人兼主编斯科特·迪克斯喜欢它。
But this disagreement wan't even close to the biggest fight they've all had lately.
但这种分歧还远未达到他们最近所经历的最大的争吵。
That fight, I'm told, was over the headline "Ghost just dropped by to say boo." One group 100% hated it, one group 100% loved it.
据我所知，那场战斗的标题是“幽灵刚刚过来说嘘”。一组 100% 讨厌它，一组 100% 喜欢它。
People raised their voices.
人们提高了声音。
One usually mild mannered editor walked out in protest.
一位一向温和的编辑退出以示抗议。
I guess people kind of read it as like a third grade joke book joke.
我猜人们读它就像读三年级笑话书上的笑话一样。
Editor Joe Randazzo says it was an existential fight about what kind of paper they were, that would or would not publish such a thing.
编辑乔·兰达佐（Joe Randazzo）表示，这是一场关乎生死存亡的斗争，争论的焦点是报纸是什么样的报纸，是否会发表这样的东西。
One member of staff may love The Onion that would never have "Ghost just dropped by to say boo," while another member of staff may love the fact that The Onion can include a joke that says "Ghost just dropped by to say boo." It's totally subjective though.
一位工作人员可能喜欢《洋葱报》，因为它永远不会有“鬼魂刚刚过来说嘘声”，而另一位工作人员可能喜欢《洋葱报》可以包含一个笑话，说“鬼魂刚刚过来说嘘声”。但这完全是主观的。
Finally, the editor in chief had to tell everybody to cut it out, and they published the joke.
最后，主编只好叫大家把它删掉，他们就把这个笑话发表了。
And this one headline did not ruin the paper.
这个标题并没有毁了报纸。
But a roomful of people who would even entertain the possibility that it might, who feel that strongly about it, that's a very tough room.
但是一屋子的人甚至会考虑这种可能性，他们对此有强烈的感觉，这是一个非常艰难的房间。
Act two, Bar Car Prophecy.
第二幕，酒吧汽车预言。
When you're a kid, adulthood itself can seem kind of a tough room, in which you're going to have to adapt to the strange custom that is the world of adults.
当你还是个孩子的时候，成年本身似乎是一个艰难的房间，你必须适应成人世界的奇怪习俗。
But for Rosie Schaap, when she was a kid, the prospect of hanging with the adults seemed exciting, an adventure.
但对于罗西·沙普（Rosie Schaap）来说，当她还是个孩子的时候，与大人在一起的前景似乎令人兴奋，是一种冒险。
In 1986, when I was 15, I discovered the bar car on the Metro North New Haven line, a dingy, crowded, badly ventilated chamber, where commuters drank enough to get a decent buzz going, told dirty jokes, and chain smoked.
1986 年，我 15 岁的时候，发现了纽黑文地铁北线上的酒吧车厢，那是一个肮脏、拥挤、通风不良的房间，通勤者在那里喝得足够多，以维持正常的嗡嗡声，讲黄色笑话，还不停地抽烟。
These were my kind of people, and even though in my memory the whole place is covered in a sort of grimy yellow film, it was my kind of joint.
这些都是我喜欢的人，尽管在我的记忆中整个地方都覆盖着一层肮脏的黄色薄膜，但那是我喜欢的地方。
I took the train once a week from Westport, Connecticut, to Manhattan's Grand Central Station to see my psychoanalyst.
我每周从康涅狄格州韦斯特波特乘火车到曼哈顿中央车站去看我的精神分析师。
As self-absorbed as any teenager, I'd come to enjoy psychoanalysis.
和所有青少年一样，我开始享受精神分析的乐趣。
I'd been going since eighth grade, and the 50-minute sessions made me feel like the featured guest on a talk show.
我从八年级就开始参加，50 分钟的课程让我感觉自己像是脱口秀节目中的特邀嘉宾。
It helped that my shrink sounded a lot like Dick Cavett.
我的心理医生听起来很像迪克·卡维特，这很有帮助。
But from the moment I first stumbled into the bar car after one of our appointments, my return trip to Westport became the best part of my Thursday visits.
但从我在一次约会后第一次偶然进入酒吧车的那一刻起，我返回西港的旅程就成为我周四访问中最好的部分。
I liked the company of grownups, especially strangers.
我喜欢大人的陪伴，尤其是陌生人。
With them, I found it easy to feel smart and funny and interesting.
和他们在一起，我发现很容易感到聪明、有趣和有趣。
Once when I was eight and we were vacationing at the beach, my mother sent me to borrow a skillet from the neighbors, a bunch of 30-somethings in a shared rental.
有一次，当我八岁的时候，我们去海滩度假，我妈妈让我向邻居们借了一个煎锅，他们是一群三十多岁的人合租的。
They were lounging on an L-shaped white couch, and seemed to get a kick out of everything I said, even the word skillet.
他们懒洋洋地躺在 L 形白色沙发上，似乎对我说的每句话都很感兴趣，甚至连“煎锅”这个词也不例外。
I wasn't even sure what the word meant until a tall woman handed me a heavy pan with flared sides.
我什至不知道这个词是什么意思，直到一位高个子女人递给我一个带有喇叭形边缘的沉重平底锅。
I thanked her and turned to leave, but they weren't ready to let me go.
我谢过她，转身准备离开，但他们还不准备放我走。
They had questions.
他们有疑问。
Who was I?
我是谁？
What grade was I in?
我当时读几年级？
What was I into?
我喜欢什么？
I was astonished by their interest.
他们的兴趣让我感到惊讶。
I sat myself down and asked if they wanted to hear a joke.
我坐下来问他们是否想听一个笑话。
So this Jewish American princess married an Indian chief.
这位犹太裔美国公主嫁给了一位印第安酋长。
Guess what they name their baby?
猜猜他们给孩子起什么名字？
I paused for effect.
我停顿了一下以求效果。
White fish.
白鱼。
It's a terrible joke.
这是一个可怕的笑话。
I'd heard my mother tell it to one of her friends.
我听我妈妈把这件事告诉她的一位朋友。
I didn't exactly get it.
我不太明白。
But these grownups sitting there drinking wine tumbled off the big white couch laughing, and I felt like a superstar.
但这些坐在那里喝酒的大人笑着从白色的大沙发上摔下来，我感觉自己像个超级明星。
That's how I wanted to feel in the bar car, surrounded by its regulars, mostly men in wrinkled suits and loosened neckties.
这就是我想要在酒吧车厢里感受到的感觉，周围都是常客，其中大多数是穿着皱巴巴的西装和宽松的领带的男人。
I liked listening to them.
我喜欢听他们说话。
They drank beer or scotch, laughed loudly, talked fast, and always seemed happy to see each other.
他们喝啤酒或苏格兰威士忌，大声笑，语速很快，似乎总是很高兴见到对方。
They were a tribe, and I wanted in.
他们是一个部落，我想加入。
Still, I didn't dare pony up to the bar and order myself a beer.
尽管如此，我还是不敢花钱去酒吧给自己点一杯啤酒。
There was no way the weary Metro North crew would serve me.
疲惫不堪的北地铁工作人员不可能为我服务。
I needed a point of entry.
我需要一个切入点。
I found what I was looking for the night I pulled my Tarot cards from my backpack and gave myself a reading right there in the bar car.
那天晚上，我从背包里拿出塔罗牌，在酒吧车里给自己算了算，找到了我要找的东西。
I had been studying The Pictorial Key to the Tarot, a 1910 primer by Arthur Edward Waite, and had cultivated a look that fell somewhere between Janis Joplin and Madam Blavatsky, gauzy Indian dresses, batik caftans, chunky silver rings on my fingers.
我一直在研究阿瑟·爱德华·韦特 (Arthur Edward Waite) 1910 年所著的《塔罗牌图解钥匙》入门书，并塑造了一种介于贾尼斯·乔普林 (Janis Joplin) 和布拉瓦茨基夫人 (Madam Blavatsky) 之间的造型：薄纱印度连衣裙、蜡染长袍、手指上戴着厚实的银戒指。
My Tarot cards smelled of patchouli and sandalwood, cigarettes and pot.
我的塔罗牌散发着广藿香、檀香、香烟和大麻的味道。
I shuffled them and then began to lay them out in the Celtic cross pattern I'd learned from Waite's book.
我把它们打乱，然后开始按照我从韦特的书中学到的凯尔特十字图案排列它们。
First, the significator, the card that stood for me.
首先是象征符，代表我的卡片。
Then the card that crossed me, signifying the things that blocked my path.
然后是横过我的卡片，表示挡住我去路的事物。
Next, the card that crowned me, representing my ideals and aims.
接下来是给我加冕的卡片，代表我的理想和目标。
And so on and so on, until it laid out the 10th and final card, which would reveal the answer to my question.
依此类推，直到它拿出第十张也是最后一张牌，它将揭示我问题的答案。
By then, a small crowd had gathered around me.
那时，一小群人已经聚集在我周围。
When I finished, a woman asked if I'd give her a reading.
当我读完后，一位女士问我是否可以给她读一读。
It was the first time someone in the bar car had spoken to me without wanting to see my ticket.
这是第一次酒吧车里有人不想看我的票就跟我说话。
She asked what I charged.
她问我收费多少。
I hadn't thought about that.
我没有想到这一点。
I mulled it over and told her I thought it was kind of bad mojo to take money for readings, but I was cool with bartering, and I wouldn't mind a beer.
我想了想，告诉她我认为拿钱读书是一种不好的魔力，但我很喜欢以物易物，而且我不介意喝啤酒。
She didn't ask how old I was.
她没有问我几岁。
Her reading was good, mostly positive cards.
她的阅读能力很好，大部分都是积极的卡片。
Yes, I told her, she would thrive at her new job.
是的，我告诉她，她会在新工作中茁壮成长。
She might even get a promotion soon.
她甚至可能很快就会升职。
She smiled and discreetly got me that beer.
她微笑着，小心翼翼地给我拿了啤酒。
Suddenly, it was like a divination marathon.
顿时，这就像一场占卜马拉松。
I must have done five readings in an hour.
我一小时内一定读了五遍。
The more I read, the more confident I grew.
我读得越多，我就越有信心。
A routine took shape.
例行公事已经形成。
As I laid down the cards, I'd sing Neil Young's After the Gold Rush quietly, almost under my breath.
当我放下牌时，我几乎低声唱着尼尔·杨的《淘金热之后》。
Then, when I was done, I'd give the whole pattern an initial once over and look solemnly into the questioner's eyes.
然后，当我完成后，我会将整个模式重新审视一遍，并严肃地看着提问者的眼睛。
The cards are here to guide us, I'd say in a voice an octave lower than my own, but what they tell us is not carved in stone.
这些卡片是来指导我们的，我会用比我自己低八度的声音说，但它们告诉我们的并不是刻在石头上的。
You have the power to change any of this.
你有能力改变这一切。
And all these grownups, accountants, lawyers, executives, hung on my every word.
所有这些成年人、会计师、律师、高管都听我说的每一句话。
The next week, after therapy, my fortune telling for alcohol scheme began in earnest.
治疗后的下周，我认真开始了酒精算命计划。
Again, I settled into the bar car and gave myself a reading.
我再次坐进酒吧车里，给自己读了一遍。
And again, a cluster of commuters assembled around me.
一群通勤者再次聚集在我周围。
I felt like I'd cracked a code.
我感觉自己好像破解了密码。
They'd sit down next to me and listen obediently.
他们会坐在我旁边，听话。
When you shuffle the cards, put your energy into them.
当你洗牌时，将你的能量投入其中。
Concentrate on your question, I instructed them.
我指示他们，集中精力解决你的问题。
If you're doing this half-heartedly, the cards will know.
如果你半心半意地这样做，卡片就会知道。
This continued for weeks, and out of it I got plenty of beer, a couple of books, a pair of silver earrings.
这种情况持续了几个星期，我从中得到了很多啤酒、几本书和一对银耳环。
That, and the undivided attention of all these adults.
那，以及所有这些成年人的全神贯注。
I'd explain what each position in the Celtic cross meant, the significance of casting more cups than swords, more wands than pentacles.
我会解释凯尔特十字架中每个位置的含义，铸造的圣杯多于剑，铸造的魔杖多于五芒星的意义。
If someone's reading turned up an unusually high number of Major Arcana cards, I'd go quiet for a moment before I disclosed to him how much power that foretold, and urged him to use that power responsibly for the greater good.
如果某人的阅读发现了异常多的大阿卡纳牌，我会安静一会儿，然后向他透露这预示着多大的力量，并敦促他为了更大的利益而负责任地使用这种力量。
I never asked them their names, and I never told them mine, not my real one anyway.
我从未问过他们的名字，也从未告诉过他们我的名字，无论如何也不是我真正的名字。
Yet time after time, as I laid out their futures, complete strangers would drop intimate clues about their lives, their jobs, their families.
然而，当我一次又一次地规划他们的未来时，完全陌生的人会透露出有关他们的生活、工作和家庭的亲密线索。
More than once, a wingtip wearing banker or salesman confided in me that he'd taken acid and sloshed around in the mud at Woodstock, and felt very connected to the energy of the universe.
不止一次，一位戴着翼尖的银行家或推销员向我吐露，他在伍德斯托克音乐节上服用了迷幻药，并在泥浆中晃荡，感觉自己与宇宙的能量有着密切的联系。
I'd nod and say something like, that's awesome, man.
我会点头并说，这太棒了，伙计。
I wish I'd been there.
我希望我当时也在场。
It was as if I'd materialized before their eyes, like some ghost from their youth come back to answer questions about their future.
就好像我出现在他们眼前，就像他们年轻时的幽灵回来回答有关他们未来的问题。
Of course there were people in the bar car who paid me no mind, and others who made their skepticism known.
当然，酒吧车里有人不理会我，也有人表达了他们的怀疑。
But I was dismissive of the nonbelievers.
但我对非信徒不屑一顾。
They were out of touch, and that was their loss.
他们失去了联系，这是他们的损失。
Still, one heckler in the crowd made me nervous.
尽管如此，人群中的一名质问者还是让我感到紧张。
I couldn't pinpoint his age, mid-30s I guessed.
我无法确定他的年龄，我猜三十多岁。
He was a broad shouldered, thick necked guy with a beer gut, strawberry blonde hair, and a big, ruddy face.
他是个肩膀宽、脖子粗、啤酒肚、草莓金色头发、一张红润的大脸的家伙。
He looked like a Kennedy, but you couldn't quite put your finger on which one.
他看上去就像一位肯尼迪家族的人，但你却分不清是哪一位。
And did he have a mouth on him.
还有他有嘴吗？
The F-word used as a noun, verb, and adjective strung together in one sentence, and then the next, and the next, like artillery fire.
F-词用作名词、动词和形容词，串成一个句子，然后是下一个，再下一个，就像炮火一样。
The guy was always drunker and louder than anyone else.
这家伙总是喝得比谁都醉，声音也比谁都大。
Once, he cupped his hands into a makeshift megaphone and sort of stage shouted at me something like, the '60s are over.
有一次，他双手捧成一个临时扩音器，在舞台上对我大喊，好像“60 年代已经结束了”。
Get a life.
获得生活。
As much as I basked in my bar car celebrity, I dreaded seeing that guy.
尽管我很享受酒吧车里的名人，但我却害怕见到那个人。
And then one Thursday, after I'd already served a few of my patrons, he half-staggered, half-swaggered over to me.
然后一个星期四，在我已经为几位顾客服务之后，他半摇摇晃晃、半大摇大摆地向我走来。
All right, he said, this is total BS, but go ahead, do mine.
好吧，他说，这完全是废话，但是继续吧，做我的吧。
He plunked himself down across from me, his knees a little too close.
他在我对面坐下，膝盖离我太近了。
I wanted to tell him to go away.
我想告诉他走开。
I wanted to tell him that his unwillingness to believe would insult the spirits and make them uncooperative, but I worried he'd call me a fraud.
我想告诉他，他不愿意相信会侮辱神灵，使他们不合作，但我担心他会说我是骗子。
I played it cool and started my spiel.
我表现得很冷静，开始了我的长篇大论。
Shuffle, focus, give the cards your energy.
洗牌，集中注意力，给卡片注入能量。
He rolled his eyes but played along.
他翻了个白眼，但还是跟着玩。
He cut the cards once and handed me the deck.
他切了一次牌，然后把牌递给我。
I laid them out.
我把它们摆好了。
First I set down his significator, the 10 of swords, possibly the worst card of all, with a solitary, prostrate figure under a black sky, pierced in the back by all 10 swords.
首先，我放下了他的象征符号，十把剑，这可能是所有牌中最糟糕的一张，黑色的天空下有一个孤独、匍匐的人物，背部被所有十把剑刺穿。
It represents, in Waite's words, pain, affliction, sadness.
用韦特的话来说，它代表痛苦、折磨、悲伤。
The rest of the cards weren't much better.
其余的卡牌也好不了多少。
He pulled the tower, a card signaling corruption, destruction, and the presence of evil.
他拉开了塔楼，这张牌象征着腐败、破坏和邪恶的存在。
He got the death card too.
他也拿到了死亡卡。
And as much as I disliked the guy, I really didn't like what I saw on those cards, not for anyone, not even for him.
尽管我不喜欢这个人，但我真的不喜欢我在这些卡片上看到的东西，不喜欢任何人，甚至不喜欢他。
I kept quiet for long minute while I tried to figure out how to spin this, but there was nothing good I could say.
当我试图弄清楚如何旋转它时，我沉默了很长一段时间，但我无话可说。
Maintaining eye contact is key to being a good mystic, but I couldn't even meet his gaze.
保持眼神交流是成为一名优秀神秘主义者的关键，但我什至无法直视他的目光。
Well, what's it say?
嗯，它说什么？
he finally asked.
他终于问道。
I took a deep breath.
我深吸了一口气。
None of this is carved in stone or written in blood.
这一切都不是刻在石头上，也不是用血写成的。
He cut me off, well, what?
他打断了我的话，嗯，什么？
So I told him what I saw, and as I interpreted one dismal symbol after another, the guy leaned in closer, put his elbows on the table, buried his head in his hands, and started to cry.
于是我告诉他我所看到的，当我解释一个又一个令人沮丧的符号时，那家伙靠得更近，把胳膊肘放在桌子上，把头埋在双手里，开始哭泣。
He told me that his marriage was falling apart.
他告诉我他的婚姻正在破裂。
That he constantly worried about his health.
他一直担心自己的健康。
That he was too young for heart problems, but he had them.
他还太年轻，不会有心脏病，但他确实患有心脏病。
That he felt as though his life had added up to zero.
他感觉自己的生命加起来就为零了。
He asked, will I ever be happy?
他问我，我会幸福吗？
The cards, I answered bluntly, said no. But, I told him, just like I told everyone else, you have the power to change that.
我直言不讳地回答说，卡片说不。但是，我告诉他，就像我告诉其他人一样，你有能力改变这一点。
He shook his head and glared at me with red, swollen eyes that said he did not.
他摇摇头，用红肿的眼睛瞪着我，表示他没有。
Maybe he didn't.
也许他没有。
Maybe no one had the power.
也许没有人有这个权力。
Maybe the days that lie ahead of us are set in stone and that was that, and maybe I'd been the cynic.
也许我们前面的日子已经一成不变，就是这样，也许我是愤世嫉俗的人。
Something I had believed in had become a gambit for attention.
我曾经相信的一些事情已经成为了吸引注意力的策略。
I hadn't thought it through, and maybe I'd even hurt people.
我没有想清楚，也许我什至会伤害别人。
In the background, other passengers were caught up in conversation, laughing and drinking and carrying on.
背景中，其他乘客都在交谈、大笑、喝酒、继续前行。
I could think of nothing more to say to the guy, nothing reassuring.
我想不出还有什么可对这个家伙说的，也没有什么可以让他安心的。
I felt small and foolish, and when the guy finally got off the train a couple of stops before mine, I was relieved.
我感到自己的渺小和愚蠢，当那家伙终于在我之前几站下车时，我松了口气。
I sat awake in my bed that night and thought about him.
那天晚上，我坐在床上，一夜未眠，想着他。
I imagined him going home to a white clapboard colonial, to an unhappy wife pretending to be asleep.
我想象他回到一个白色隔板殖民地的家，回到一个假装睡着的不快乐的妻子身边。
I imagined him returning the next day to a job he hated, and getting wasted again that afternoon.
我想象他第二天又回到他讨厌的工作，那天下午又开始浪费了。
But of course, at 15, I couldn't imagine what it was like to be him, to live his life, and I realized I didn't want to be able to.
但当然，在 15 岁的时候，我无法想象成为他、过他的生活会是什么样子，而且我意识到我不想那样。
Reading Tarot cards in the bar car had been fun until it got serious.
在酒吧车里读塔罗牌一直很有趣，直到它变得严肃起来。
Adults had problems I could not begin to fathom, and they had things to say I wasn't ready to hear.
大人有我无法理解的问题，他们有话要说，我还没准备好听。
I didn't go back to the bar car.
我没有回酒吧车。
I missed the grownups, I missed their attention, but I was not one of them.
我想念大人们，想念他们的关注，但我不是他们中的一员。
I didn't belong there.
我不属于那里。
Although I could feel adulthood encroaching, real adulthood, which now seemed less about drinking and smoking and freedom, and more about loss, and fear, and the sense that death itself lay waiting somewhere just ahead.
虽然我能感觉到成年的侵蚀，但真正的成年，现在似乎不再是关于饮酒、吸烟和自由，而是更多地关于失落、恐惧，以及死亡本身就在前方某个地方等待的感觉。
Rosie Schaap.
罗西·夏普.
This story comes from a book of essays that she's writing about drinking called Drinking With Men .
这个故事来自她正在写的一本关于饮酒的散文集，名为《与男人饮酒》。
She's looking for a publisher.
她正在寻找出版商。
Coming up, if Jerry Seinfeld became a Mormon tomorrow, the most likely way that it would happen would be because of two guys that we are going to introduce you to.
接下来，如果杰里·宋飞 (Jerry Seinfeld) 明天成为摩门教徒，最有可能发生的事情是因为我们要向您介绍的两个人。
That's in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International, when our program continues.
稍后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American life .
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our show, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme, and-- Hello?
当然，我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事，以及——喂？
Hello?
你好？
[TAPS MICROPHONE] Hello?
[点击麦克风]喂？
Anybody out there?
外面有人吗？
OK, if you're out there, make a noise.
好吧，如果你在外面，请发出声音。
Tough room.
艰难的房间。
That's our theme.
这就是我们的主题。
Very clever how we do this here on the public radio, huh?
我们在公共广播电台上这样做的方式非常聪明，对吧？
We've arrived at act three of our show.
我们已经到了演出的第三幕了。
Act three, Mission Impossible.
第三幕，不可能的任务。
In the Bible, God is constantly sending his prophets into situations where nobody wants to hear what they have to say.
在圣经中，上帝不断地派遣他的先知到没有人愿意听他们说的话的境地。
And after high school, young Mormon men are basically supposed to do the same thing.
高中毕业后，年轻的摩门教徒基本上应该做同样的事情。
They are encouraged to go on a two year mission to spread the gospel.
他们被鼓励去执行为期两年的宣教使命。
They pay their own way.
他们按照自己的方式付费。
Jane Feltes has followed two of these guys out to convert people in a place that we usually don't think of as a bastion of Mormonism, or particularly friendly to missionaries: the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
简·费尔特斯（Jane Feltes）跟随其中的两个人，去一个我们通常不认为是摩门教堡垒或对传教士特别友好的地方：曼哈顿上西区，去改变人们的信仰。
Elder [?
长老[?
Longing-- ?] elder doesn't mean older, it's just a title given to missionaries-- is 20, an army brat most recently from Utah.
渴望——？]长老并不意味着年长，它只是给予传教士的一个头衔——20岁，一个刚从犹他州来的军人小伙子。
Elder [?
长老[?
Meller ?] is from Utah too, and he's 21.
Meller ?] 也来自犹他州，今年 21 岁。
They're both in the second year of their mission, so they kind of have it down.
他们都处于执行任务的第二年，所以他们的心情有些低落。
How are doing today sir?
先生今天过得怎么样？
Have you ever had the chance to read the Book of Mormon?
你有机会读过摩尔门经吗？
No chance?
没有机会吗？
All right, do you know anyone in the area we can share our message about Christ with?
好吧，你知道我们可以与该地区的任何人分享有关基督的信息吗？
You don't know anybody in the area we can do some service for?
您不认识我们可以为该地区提供服务的任何人吗？
All right, you have a great day, sir.
好的，祝您今天过得愉快，先生。
Today they're stopping people outside the American Museum of Natural History, but they work all over New York and its suburbs.
今天，他们在美国自然历史博物馆外拦截人们，但他们的工作遍及纽约及其郊区。
And the toughest thing about being a missionary in New York isn't what you might think, that it's too secular, too Jewish, or too unfriendly or too cool for school, especially Sunday school.
在纽约做一名传教士最困难的事情并不是你想象的那样，它太世俗，太犹太化，或者对学校来说太不友好或太酷，尤其是主日学校。
No, the problem is competition.
不，问题是竞争。
In New York, there are so many distractions on the street, people trying to hand you fliers or get you into their hair salon or comedy show.
在纽约，街上有很多让人分心的东西，人们试图向您递传单或带您进入他们的美发沙龙或喜剧表演。
And if you're saying no to someone who asks, do you have one minute to save the environment, you're not going to say yes to these guys.
如果有人问你有没有一分钟的时间来拯救环境，如果你对他们说“不”，你就不会对这些人说“是”。
Everyone's walking on the street, and everybody's walking about the same pace, and anything that will disrupt the flow will cause them to be angry, just because they're already in the mindset that they're going somewhere.
每个人都走在街上，每个人都以相同的速度行走，任何扰乱流动的事情都会让他们生气，只是因为他们已经有了要去某个地方的心态。
Anything that stops them is going to make them angry.
任何阻止他们的事情都会让他们生气。
And usually we're the ones that stop them.
通常我们是阻止他们的人。
We're usually that disruption.
我们通常就是那种破坏。
Both guys are living off their savings while they're here.
两个人在这里都靠积蓄生活。
Elder [?
长老[?
Longing ?] lives in Chinatown with three other missionaries in a two bedroom apartment.
渴望？] 与另外三名传教士住在唐人街的一间两居室公寓里。
Elder [?
长老[?
Meller's ?] two bedroom in Harlem houses six missionaries.
梅勒的？]哈莱姆区的两间卧室住着六名传教士。
And for 12 hours every day, from 9:00 AM to 9:00 PM, most of their interactions are less than 30 seconds, if you can even call them interactions.
每天从上午 9:00 到晚上 9:00 的 12 个小时里，他们的大部分互动时间都不到 30 秒，如果你甚至可以称之为互动的话。
Hey sister.
嘿姐姐。
Jane Feltes Elder [?
简·费尔特斯长老[？
Meller ?] calls out to a cute woman in her late 20s.
梅勒？] 向一位 20 多岁的可爱女人喊道。
I'm sorry?
对不起？
Jane Feltes He shows her a picture of Jesus baptizing Peter on the cover of his Book of Mormon.
简·费尔特斯（Jane Feltes）向她展示了耶稣在摩尔门经封面上为彼得施洗的照片。
Yes, I have.
是的，我有。
Elder 2 That's good.
老2 说得好。
We want to invite you to be baptized by that same authority that he's given.
我们想邀请您接受他所赋予的同样权柄的洗礼。
I'm Christian.
我是基督徒。
I don't know if that matters.
我不知道这是否重要。
Yeah, we are too.
是的，我们也是。
Woman But I'm not Mormon.
女人 但我不是摩门教徒。
Thank you though.
不过还是谢谢你。
But I'm not Mormon, she says, thank you though.
但我不是摩门教，她说，不过还是谢谢你。
I wouldn't talk to you if you were Mormon, right?
如果你是摩门教徒我就不会和你说话，对吗？
Where are you from?
你从哪来？
She's gone within seven seconds.
七秒之内她就走了。
Par for the course, says Elder [?
长老说，这是当然的[？
Longing.
渴望。
?]
？]
I don't know if you saw, but when people say no, and we're still trying to talk to them, we're just trying different things.
我不知道你是否看到了，但是当人们拒绝时，我们仍在尝试与他们交谈，我们只是在尝试不同的事情。
No, I don't want that.
不，我不想那样。
Do you know anyone who does want it?
你知道有人想要它吗？
No, I don't know.
不，我不知道。
Well, do you know anyone who wants to come to church?
那么，你认识谁想来教堂吗？
No, I don't know anybody.
不，我谁也不认识。
Well, do you want to come to church?
那么，你想来教堂吗？
And then they walk away and you feel what?
然后他们走开，你有什么感觉？
And I feel like that guy really does not want to go to church.
我觉得那家伙真的不想去教堂。
Sometimes I get defensive, like under my breath, I'll mutter something.
有时我会变得防御性，比如低声嘀咕一些什么。
Elder [?
长老[?
Longing, ?] do you ever get my baby's sleeping, I have to go watch it.
渴望吗？]你能让我的宝宝睡着吗，我得去看看。
Oh yeah.
哦，是的。
Elder 2 I hate that.
长老2 我讨厌这样。
It's like, it's sleeping, you don't need to watch it.
就像，它正在睡觉，你不需要看它。
Yeah, excuses.
是的，借口。
Elder 2 Hey brother, how are you feeling today?
老二 嘿兄弟，今天感觉怎么样？
How are you doing today, brother?
兄弟，今天过得怎么样？
Hey sisters, can we invite you guys to get your Mormon on by coming--
嘿姐妹们，我们可以邀请你们来加入你们的摩门教吗——
Calling everybody brother and sister was not working at all for them.
称每个人为兄弟姐妹对他们来说根本不起作用。
Have a good one.
祝你过得愉快。
Jane Feltes I figured it had to be a Mormon thing.
简·费尔特斯 我认为这一定是摩门教的事情。
Turns out it's not.
事实证明并非如此。
I picked that up in the Bronx.
我在布朗克斯捡到的。
You'd say hey, what's up brother?
你会说嘿，兄弟怎么了？
And so usually in the Bronx, they're like, hey, what's up?
通常在布朗克斯，他们会说，嘿，怎么了？
And they'll say it back.
他们会回复的。
This definitely ain't the Bronx though.
但这绝对不是布朗克斯。
Right across the street lives Jerry Seinfeld, Glenn Close, John McEnroe, and Helen Gurley Brown, which makes it the toughest kind of neighborhood for missionaries.
街对面住着杰里·宋飞 (Jerry Seinfeld)、格伦·克洛斯 (Glenn Close)、约翰·麦肯罗 (John McEnroe) 和海伦·格利·布朗 (Helen Gurley Brown)，这使得这里成为传教士最艰难的社区。
In the Bronx, people will talk to them, let them visit their homes.
在布朗克斯，人们会与他们交谈，让他们参观自己的家。
But the wealthier the area, they say, like here on Central Park West, it's a much harder sell.
但他们表示，越是富裕的地区，比如中央公园西区，销售就越困难。
Spreading the word about Mormonism is a numbers game, and to talk to the greatest number of people in a day in New York City, the guys have each learned how to strike up a conversation in at least five different languages.
传播摩门教的信息是一场数字游戏，为了在纽约市一天内与最多的人交谈，这些人每个人都学会了如何用至少五种不同的语言进行对话。
Elder [?
长老[?
Longing ?] approaches a man sitting on the steps.
渴望？]走近坐在台阶上的一个男人。
[SPEAKING SPANISH] Jane Feltes Elder [?
[说西班牙语] 简·费尔特斯长老 [?
Meller ?] hears a woman speaking French to her child.
梅勒？] 听到一个女人对她的孩子说法语。
[SPEAKING FRENCH] Jane Feltes And Elder [?
[说法语] 简·费尔特斯和埃尔德 [？
Longing, ?] he even knows some sign language.
渴望，？]他甚至会一些手语。
Over the course of the afternoon, approaching every person who walks by, they get a couple dozen cards with the church's address into people's hands.
整个下午，他们走近每个路过的人，将几十张写有教堂地址的卡片送到了人们的手中。
They say on average they manage to get about three or four new people to come to church each week, which seems amazingly low, given that it's two of them working basically every waking minute.
他们说，平均来说，他们每周都能吸引大约三到四个新人来教堂，考虑到其中两个人基本上醒着的每一分钟都在工作，这个数字似乎低得惊人。
Are these skills that you're learning out here these few years, are they things you think you're going to take into your career?
这些技能是你这几年在这里学到的，是你认为你会在职业生涯中运用的东西吗？
Yes.
是的。
Most definitely.
绝对是。
Elder 2 Most definitely.
长老2 绝对是这样。
What are you going to do?
你会怎样做？
Elder 1 I thought about it.
1长老我想了一下。
I was like, I bet selling life insurance is way easier than this.
我当时想，我打赌销售人寿保险比这容易得多。
Because I've met people who do sell life insurance, and they're like--
因为我遇到过销售人寿保险的人，他们就像——
They're happy people.
他们是快乐的人。
Elder 1 They're very successful.
长老1 他们非常成功。
I wonder what I could do if I did that.
我想知道如果我这样做的话我能做什么。
Or like those guys who sell scissors, go door to door, like Cutco, they sell scissors.
或者像那些卖剪刀的人一样，挨家挨户地卖，比如Cutco，他们卖剪刀。
I'm like, I'm sure I could sell some scissors.
我想，我确信我可以卖一些剪刀。
Like sometimes I think, I think I could sell scissors better than that guy, because you know how to deal with people turning you down.
Like sometimes I think, I think I could sell scissors better than that guy, because you know how to deal with people turning you down.
Like even if you get turned down over and over again, it's finding that little thing that keeps you going, that little thing that keeps you talking to people.
就像即使你一次又一次地被拒绝，它也会找到让你继续前进的小事，让你与人交谈的小事。
But in this, that little thing that keeps you going is like eternal life.
But in this, that little thing that keeps you going is like eternal life.
With scissors, I don't know if--
有了剪刀，我不知道是否——
While I'm with them, their longest conversations are with guys who seem down on their luck.
While I'm with them, their longest conversations are with guys who seem down on their luck.
One guy might have been drunk, and another guy who, if he wasn't homeless, was probably often mistaken for homeless.
One guy might have been drunk, and another guy who, if he wasn't homeless, was probably often mistaken for homeless.
And they spend even more time with people they have no hope of baptizing, like this guy.
他们花更多的时间与那些他们没有希望施洗的人在一起，就像这个人一样。
Here you go, last one.
给你，最后一张。
I don't like the way they translated it, but OK.
我不喜欢他们翻译的方式，但好吧。
Read this.
读一下这个。
Elder [?
长老[?
Meller is ?] standing talking to a middle aged orthodox Jewish man in a navy trench coat and hat.
梅勒？]站着与一位穿着海军风衣、戴着帽子的中年正统犹太男子交谈。
The two men get into a long, in-depth discussion about religion, specifically whether, as the Mormons believe, a prophet walked the Earth in America in the 1800s.
两人就宗教进行了长时间、深入的讨论，特别是摩门教徒是否相信，1800 年代的美国有一位先知行走在地球上。
What about Jeremiah and things like that?
耶利米之类的事又如何呢？
In dreams, they had dreams.
在梦中，他们有梦想。
God did not speak to them.
神没有对他们说话。
All right.
好的。
Our message is that God has a prophet on the Earth again.
Our message is that God has a prophet on the Earth again.
There are many prophets.
有很多先知。
Elder 2 This is true, but there are those ordained, like Moses.
Elder 2 This is true, but there are those ordained, like Moses.
It's like watching a couple football fans talk about the Super Bowl, even though they were rooting for different teams.
It's like watching a couple football fans talk about the Super Bowl, even though they were rooting for different teams.
They know they'll never convince the other that their team is better, but they're really enjoying the back and forth.
They know they'll never convince the other that their team is better, but they're really enjoying the back and forth.
They seemed relieved to have found someone who relates to the world the way they do.
They seemed relieved to have found someone who relates to the world the way they do.
God bless you.
上帝保佑你。
Elder 2 You too brother.
长老2 你也是兄弟。
Have a good one.
祝你过得愉快。
I think some of my favorite people I like talking to, I like talking to Jews, and I like talking to Muslims.
I think some of my favorite people I like talking to, I like talking to Jews, and I like talking to Muslims.
Muslims are really cool, just because I find that they're more devout.
Muslims are really cool, just because I find that they're more devout.
It's easier for me to talk to them because they are very faithful people.
It's easier for me to talk to them because they are very faithful people.
You guys have that in common.
你们有这个共同点。
Elder 2 That's true.
长老2 确实如此。
But more like going along with the Jews and Muslims and stuff is they understand the idea of a covenant, a two way agreement.
但更像是与犹太人和穆斯林结盟，他们理解盟约、双向协议的概念。
So they're more devout with it.
所以他们对此更加虔诚。
At 6:00 PM, it's dark and so cold nobody's on the street anymore.
At 6:00 PM, it's dark and so cold nobody's on the street anymore.
So the guys head off on a home visit, to meet with a new potential convert.
于是，他们开始家访，去见一位新的潜在皈依者。
They have three hours of work ahead of them today, and roughly a combined 3,240 hours to go.
今天他们还有 3 个小时的工作时间，总计大约需要 3,240 个小时。
Jane Feltes is one of the producers of our show.
简·费尔特斯是我们节目的制片人之一。
Act four, Tough Newsroom.
第四幕，艰难的新闻编辑室。
These days, Malcolm Gladwell is very good at what he does.
如今，马尔科姆·格拉德威尔非常擅长他所做的事情。
He's a reporter.
他是一名记者。
He writes for the New Yorker magazine.
他为《纽约客》杂志撰稿。
He's had a number of iconic bestselling books, including The Tipping Point and Blink .
He's had a number of iconic bestselling books, including The Tipping Point and Blink .
But it was not always this way.
但情况并非总是如此。
No, no, no. Once upon a time, the world of journalism was a totally forbidden and alien place to him.
不，不，不。曾几何时，新闻界对他来说是一个完全禁忌和陌生的地方。
And he talked about this onstage at The Moth in New York City.
And he talked about this onstage at The Moth in New York City.
My first job, my first real job, was at the Washington Post , and I still don't know really know how I got hired, because I didn't have any newspaper experience.
My first job, my first real job, was at the Washington Post , and I still don't know really know how I got hired, because I didn't have any newspaper experience.
I hadn't even worked for my high school newspaper.
我什至没有为我的高中报纸工作过。
But they put me on the business desk, which is where you put people at the Washington Post who don't know anything about journalism.
但他们把我安排在商务台，这就是《华盛顿邮报》里对新闻业一无所知的人的安排。
And I just sat there for the first six weeks, and I didn't do a thing.
前六周我只是坐在那里，什么也没做。
And people were looking at me and wondering about me, and finally the business editor took pity on me, and he gave me an earnings story to do.
And people were looking at me and wondering about me, and finally the business editor took pity on me, and he gave me an earnings story to do.
It was about a local company named Maryland Biosciences, and I just had to write up their earnings.
这是关于一家名为马里兰生物科学公司的当地公司，我只需写下他们的收益。
And so I wrote it up, like three paragraphs long, it took me like five hours, and that was my first story in the Washington Post .
所以我把它写下来，大约三段长，花了我大约五个小时，这是我在《华盛顿邮报》上的第一篇报道。
But unfortunately, I wrote that the Maryland Biosciences had lost $5 million in the previous quarter, and they in fact had made $5 million in the previous quarter.
But unfortunately, I wrote that the Maryland Biosciences had lost $5 million in the previous quarter, and they in fact had made $5 million in the previous quarter.
And on the morning the story ran, the stock dropped 10 points.
报道发表的当天早上，该股下跌了 10 点。
And the CEO called Ben Bradlee on the phone and just chewed him out.
这位首席执行官给本·布拉德利打电话，狠狠地训斥了他一顿。
And I got in all kinds of trouble, and I was put on probation.
我遇到了各种各样的麻烦，还被判缓刑。
And if I had doubts about journalism before, they were redoubled now.
如果说我以前对新闻业有疑虑的话，那么现在这种疑虑就加倍了。
And I was wondering, what am I doing?
我想知道，我在做什么？
I can't even read a balance sheet properly.
我什至无法正确阅读资产负债表。
And I really was despairing, and I was turning over this story again and again.
我真的很绝望，我一遍又一遍地翻阅这个故事。
How did I do it?
我是怎么做到的？
Where did I go wrong?
我哪里做错了？
And then I had a kind of epiphany, which I really credit for why I stayed in journalism, and didn't go selling real estate, or whatever the other things I was thinking of doing in that moment.
然后我顿悟了，这就是我留在新闻业的原因，我没有去卖房地产，也没有去做我当时想做的其他事情。
I realized first of all that I had made up this story, but I'd gotten into the paper, and no one had stopped me.
我首先意识到这个故事是我编造的，但我已经上了报纸，没有人阻止我。
And secondly, I'd moved the stock 10 points.
其次，我将股票移动了 10 点。
And it was a kind of Jayson Blair moment.
这是杰森·布莱尔的时刻。
And all of a sudden, there's a little glimmer, and I can begin to see that there's some hope in this profession.
突然间，我看到了一丝曙光，我开始看到这个职业还有希望。
This thing that didn't make sense to me is now kind of making sense.
这对我来说毫无意义的事情现在有点有意义了。
I get moved to the health desk and science desk, which is where they put you at the Washington Post if you know even less than the people in the business.
I get moved to the health desk and science desk, which is where they put you at the Washington Post if you know even less than the people in the business.
And one of the first stories I did was a story about the AIDS conference, which was a big deal back then.
我做的第一个故事是关于艾滋病会议的故事，这在当时是一件大事。
There were three cities being considered for the next conference, Rome, Vancouver, and Amsterdam.
下一次会议考虑了三个城市：罗马、温哥华和阿姆斯特丹。
And it's a big deal for a reporter, because you got to go to one of these cities, and it was a week's paid vacation.
这对记者来说是一件大事，因为你必须去其中一个城市，而且这是一周的带薪假期。
But my problem with Rome, Amsterdam, and Vancouver, they're very nice cities, but I'd been to all of them.
但我的问题是罗马、阿姆斯特丹和温哥华，它们都是非常好的城市，但我都去过。
And I really in my heart of hearts wanted to go to Australia.
我内心深处真的很想去澳大利亚。
And so I'm writing up the story, and I thought, would anyone mind?
所以我正在写这个故事，我想，有人会介意吗？
So I just said, NIH officials said they were considering Rome, Vancouver, Amsterdam, and Sydney.
所以我刚才说，NIH 官员说他们正在考虑罗马、温哥华、阿姆斯特丹和悉尼。
And the next morning, I see that the wires have picked up the story, and they've called the Sydney Tourist Bureau, and they said are you at all interested in hosting the AIDS convention?
And the next morning, I see that the wires have picked up the story, and they've called the Sydney Tourist Bureau, and they said are you at all interested in hosting the AIDS convention?
And they said, well of course.
他们说，当然好。
And then the Miami Herald picked up the story, and they called the NIH, and they said, Sydney says they're really interested in hosting.
然后《迈阿密先驱报》报道了这个故事，他们给美国国立卫生研究院打电话，他们说，悉尼说他们真的对举办比赛很感兴趣。
And the guys at NIH, what do they know?
NIH 的人，他们知道什么？
They're like, that's fantastic.
他们说，这太棒了。
Yes, we are considering-- I can't tell you how exhilarated this makes me feel.
是的，我们正在考虑——我无法告诉你这让我感到多么兴奋。
And I have a sense of real power for the first time.
我第一次感受到了真正的力量。
Right around that time, a new guy joined the science desk, a guy named Billy Booth, and Billy didn't come from newspapers either.
就在那时，一个新人加入了科学台，一个叫比利·布斯的人，比利也不是来自报纸。
And I could tell that he was as shell shocked as I had been.
我看得出来，他和我一样感到震惊。
So I went to him and I said, Billy, I know how you feel.
所以我去找他说，比利，我知道你的感受。
I've been there.
我去过那里。
But there's a secret to this business.
但这个生意有一个秘密。
It's not what you think, it's actually quite-- and one of the things we get to do is that we had to read all of these medical journals every week.
It's not what you think, it's actually quite-- and one of the things we get to do is that we had to read all of these medical journals every week.
And every week there would be some new paper describing some incredibly obscure disease that scientists had made some advance against.
每周都会有一些新论文描述一些令人难以置信的晦涩难懂的疾病，科学家们已经在对抗这些疾病方面取得了一些进展。
And I said to Billy, we can write about these diseases, but we don't have to tell anyone that they're obscure.
我对比利说，我们可以写这些疾病，但我们不必告诉任何人它们是晦涩难懂的。
And so we started something called disease of the week.
所以我们开始了名为“本周疾病”的活动。
We would write about these diseases, and we would find some lab technician, and we would quote them as saying this is the greatest thing that ever happened.
We would write about these diseases, and we would find some lab technician, and we would quote them as saying this is the greatest thing that ever happened.
Of course, it was for the lab technician.
当然，这是给实验室技术员的。
We'd put in like the 19th paragraph that this a disease that only afflicted one in every 400 million people.
我们在第 19 段中加入了这种疾病，每 4 亿人中就有一人患有这种疾病。
And every week we did another disease, and every week we got a little bolder.
每周我们都会研究另一种疾病，每周我们都会变得更大胆一些。
And the stories got just a little bit more outrageous, and they started running not on a 16, or not on 15, and then 13, and then 2, and then on the front page.
And the stories got just a little bit more outrageous, and they started running not on a 16, or not on 15, and then 13, and then 2, and then on the front page.
And we started to have a certain kind of swagger.
我们开始表现出某种趾高气扬的样子。
We felt like drunk with power.
我们感觉自己被权力喝醉了。
But it wasn't enough.
但这还不够。
And we began to think, you know what?
我们开始思考，你知道吗？
It's not enough just to cure diseases.
仅仅治愈疾病是不够的。
We'd like to effect to change the very language of American journalism.
我们希望改变美国新闻业的语言。
And that's when the contest was born.
这就是比赛诞生的时候。
Now, I don't remember whose idea the contest was, whether it was me or Billy, but we were just so inseparable in those days, it was probably a combination.
Now, I don't remember whose idea the contest was, whether it was me or Billy, but we were just so inseparable in those days, it was probably a combination.
But what we decided was to introduce the phrase "raises new and troubling questions" to American journalism.
但我们决定向美国新闻界引入“提出新的、令人不安的问题”这个短语。
And the contest was that we were going to give ourselves a month, and the person who got that phrase into the newspaper the most times over the course of the month would win.
And the contest was that we were going to give ourselves a month, and the person who got that phrase into the newspaper the most times over the course of the month would win.
And so I struck first.
所以我先下手了。
It was a story on Medicare spending.
这是一个关于医疗保险支出的故事。
Medicare had gone up 12% the previous year, which I said raises new and troubling questions about the status of the American health care establishment.
Medicare had gone up 12% the previous year, which I said raises new and troubling questions about the status of the American health care establishment.
Billy comes back the next day, he'd got a piece from one of the physics journals about this sub-atomic particle called the Higgs boson, which was very big in the '90s.
Billy comes back the next day, he'd got a piece from one of the physics journals about this sub-atomic particle called the Higgs boson, which was very big in the '90s.
And he said that this recent work on Higgs boson raises new and troubling questions about our understanding of dark matter.
他说，最近关于希格斯玻色子的研究对我们对暗物质的理解提出了新的、令人不安的问题。
And so we're tied.
所以我们是绑在一起的。
Two days later, I come back.
两天后，我回来了。
Piece on FDA cutbacks, raises new and troubling questions about the safety of the nation's drug supply.
关于 FDA 削减的文章提出了有关国家药品供应安全的新的、令人不安的问题。
Billy does a piece, a wonderful profile of this botanist, in which he said that her most recent work raises new and troubling questions about our understanding of non-flowering perennials.
Billy does a piece, a wonderful profile of this botanist, in which he said that her most recent work raises new and troubling questions about our understanding of non-flowering perennials.
It's back and forth.
这是来回的。
It's a horse race.
这是一场赛马。
And we get consumed by this.
我们被这个消耗了。
And we're showing up 8:00 in the morning to check the wires, looking for things that are conceivably both new and troubling.
我们会在早上 8:00 出现检查电线，寻找可以想象的新的和令人不安的东西。
One day left in the contest, we've done 30 days, I'm ahead 10-9, and I'm convinced I got it in the bag.
比赛还剩一天，我们已经进行了 30 天，我以 10-9 领先，我确信我已经成功了。
Right at the end of the afternoon, Billy pulls something off the wires about declining test scores, writes a little thing, it's this long, about how this raises new and troubling questions about the intellectual fitness of American schoolchildren.
Right at the end of the afternoon, Billy pulls something off the wires about declining test scores, writes a little thing, it's this long, about how this raises new and troubling questions about the intellectual fitness of American schoolchildren.
Gets it in the paper, and not only that, the copy desk, when they're making up the headline for the story, the headline is, "Report raises new and troubling questions." It's a twofer.
Gets it in the paper, and not only that, the copy desk, when they're making up the headline for the story, the headline is, "Report raises new and troubling questions."这是一个二人组。
He goes ahead of me 11-10, I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach.
他以11比10领先我，我感觉我的肚子被踢了一脚。
It's devastating.
这是毁灭性的。
And I go to Billy and I say, we're not done.
我去找比利，我说，我们还没有完成。
We need to have a championship round.
我们需要进行一场冠军赛。
And by the way, raises new and troubling questions was too easy, because everything raises new and troubling questions.
顺便说一句，提出新的、令人不安的问题太容易了，因为一切都会引发新的、令人不安的问题。
So we need to have a much tougher standard this time.
所以这次我们需要有一个更严格的标准。
I said, what are you thinking?
我说，你在想什么？
He said, I think we should use the word perverse.
他说，我认为我们应该使用“perverse”这个词。
And I said, no way.
我说，没门。
I think we should use the phrase often baffling.
我想我们应该用“常常莫名其妙”这个词。
So we argue back and forth, and finally we compromise, and we go with perverse and often baffling.
所以我们反复争论，最后我们妥协了，我们采取了反常的、常常令人困惑的方式。
Now, I don't need to tell you how hard it is to get the phrase perverse and often baffling into a newspaper.
现在，我不需要告诉你把“perverse and常常莫名其妙”这句话放到报纸上是多么困难。
You've got to find something that is-- perverse isn't good enough.
你必须找到一些东西——反常是不够的。
Baffling isn't good enough.
令人困惑还不够好。
Perverse and baffling isn't good enough.
反常和令人困惑还不够好。
It must be perverse and often baffling.
它一定是反常的并且常常令人困惑。
It must oscillate between the state of bafflement and transparency, while simultaneously remaining perverse.
它必须在困惑和透明状态之间摇摆，同时保持反常。
We killed ourselves on that one.
我们就在那件事上自杀了。
Literally, it was an obsession.
从字面上看，这是一种痴迷。
We would come in and we would just sweat it out, and we would try and try.
我们会进来，我们会努力拼搏，我们会不断尝试。
Billy did a piece on mollusks once, in which he tried to claim that mollusks represented a perverse and often baffling something.
比利曾经写过一篇关于软体动物的文章，其中他试图声称软体动物代表着一种反常且常常令人困惑的东西。
And the copy desk took out often, arguing, I think correctly, that mollusks were either baffling or they weren't.
复印台经常拿出来争论，我认为正确的是，软体动物要么令人费解，要么没有。
Mollusks did not oscillate.
软体动物没有振荡。
I came back with a piece on the anthropology of women's breasts.
我回来时带了一篇关于女性乳房人类学的文章。
I claimed that they represented a perverse and often baffling development in anthropology, and my editor took out perverse and said, this is a family newspaper.
I claimed that they represented a perverse and often baffling development in anthropology, and my editor took out perverse and said, this is a family newspaper.
You can't call women's breasts perverse.
你不能说女人的胸部是邪恶的。
And I went to the mat on that one.
我就在那一个上走上了垫子。
Finally, the story was killed.
最后这个故事被杀了。
It was ugly.
太丑了。
Anyway, we're really broken up about this.
无论如何，我们真的因为这件事分手了。
We can't get this damn phrase in the paper, and we're going out drinking at night.
我们不能在报纸上看到这个该死的短语，而且我们晚上还要出去喝酒。
And a lot of my old doubts about journalism are starting to come back.
我对新闻业的许多旧有疑虑开始卷土重来。
And I'm saying, do I really want to be part of a profession that has no room for the perverse and the often baffling?
我是说，我真的想成为一个没有任何反常和令人困惑的空间的职业的一部分吗？
And then one day, I'm having this conversation with a gastroentrologist.
然后有一天，我正在与一位胃肠病学家进行对话。
And he tells me that, did I know that there were more gastroentrologists per capita in Washington DC than any other city in the country?
他告诉我，我是否知道华盛顿特区的人均胃肠病专家比美国任何其他城市都多？
And I said, I did not know that.
我说，我不知道。
But then I said, I thought that doctor's fees were higher in Washington DC than anywhere else in the country?
但后来我说，我以为华盛顿特区的医生费用比全国其他地方都高？
And he goes, yeah.
他走了，是的。
Light bulb goes on above my head, because the law of supply and demand says, the greater the supply, the lower the price should be.
我头顶上的灯泡亮了起来，因为供需定律说，供应量越大，价格应该越低。
But here we have a case where we've got a very large supply of gastroentrologists, but the price of gastroentrologists is going up.
但这里有一个例子，我们有大量的胃肠病学家，但胃肠病学家的价格却在上涨。
That is a perverse phenomenon, and until I explain it to you, it's baffling.
这是一种反常的现象，在我向你解释之前，它是令人困惑的。
I raced back to the office, whipping into my desk, make a couple of phone calls, and I bang it out.
我跑回办公室，一屁股坐到办公桌上，打了几个电话，然后就把事情搞定了。
And you can look it up, right on the front page, September 21, 1992, "Washington DC has more gastroentrologists per capita than any other city in the country.
你可以在 1992 年 9 月 21 日的头版上查到，“华盛顿特区的人均胃肠病专家比美国任何其他城市都多。
But in a reflection of the perverse and often baffling economics of the health care profession, it simultaneously has the highest doctor's fees in the country."
但它同时拥有全国最高的医生费用，这反映了医疗保健行业反常且常常令人困惑的经济学。”
[APPLAUSE] Billy is devastated.
[掌声]比利彻底崩溃了。
I am triumphant.
我胜利了。
All those doubts about journalism melt away, and I say, this thing called newspaper writing, I can do it.
所有对新闻业的疑虑都消失了，我说，这件事叫做报纸写作，我能做到。
One week passes, I get a letter in the mail.
一周过去了，我收到一封寄来的信。
Dear sir, with respect to your story on the gastroentrologists of the Washington DC region, the economics of the health care profession are neither perverse nor baffling.
Dear sir, with respect to your story on the gastroentrologists of the Washington DC region, the economics of the health care profession are neither perverse nor baffling.
[APPLAUSE] Ira Glass Malcolm Gladwell, on stage at the Moth, where people come to tell both true stories and occasional tall tales.
[掌声]艾拉·格拉斯·马尔科姆·格拉德威尔在蛾剧院的舞台上，人们来这里讲述真实的故事，偶尔也会讲一些荒唐的故事。
This story appears in one of the Moth's greatest hits collections.
这个故事出现在飞蛾最热门的作品集中之一。
Their website, where they have all kinds of free stories to listen to, is themoth.org.
他们的网站是themoth.org，那里有各种免费故事可供收听。
By the way, if there's any ambiguity in here at all, young journalists please note, putting false information into the newspaper is wrong.
顺便说一句，如果这里有任何歧义，年轻的记者们请注意，在报纸上发表虚假信息是错误的。
Our program was produced today by Robyn Semien, with Alex Blumberg, Jane Feltes, John Jeter, Sarah Koenig, Lisa Pollak, Alissa Shipp, and Nancy Updike.
今天我们的节目由 Robyn Semien 与 Alex Blumberg、Jane Feltes、John Jeter、Sarah Koenig、Lisa Pollak、Alissa Shipp 和 Nancy Updike 共同制作。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Adrianne Mathiowetz runs our website.
阿德琳娜·马修韦茨 (Adrianne Mathiowetz) 负责运营我们的网站。
Production help from Seth Lind and Emily Youssef.
Seth Lind 和 Emily Youssef 为制作提供帮助。
Music help from Jessica Hopper.
杰西卡·霍珀的音乐帮助。
Special thanks today to Michael Purdy, Bradley Olsen, and Robert Krulwich.
今天特别感谢迈克尔·珀迪、布拉德利·奥尔森和罗伯特·克鲁维奇。
Our website, where you can get our free weekly podcast or listen to any of our old shows for absolutely free, www.thisamericanlife.org.
我们的网站 www.thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中获得我们的免费每周播客或完全免费收听我们的任何旧节目。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
WBEZ management oversight for our program by our boss, Mr. Torey Malatia, who says that he is absolutely certain that all these years doing the pledge drive must be good for something.
我们的老板托里·马拉蒂亚 (Torey Malatia) 先生对我们的项目进行了 WBEZ 管理监督，他说他绝对确信这些年来的承诺活动一定是有好处的。
I thought about it.
我想了一下。
I was like, I bet selling life insurance is way easier than this.
我当时想，我打赌销售人寿保险比这容易得多。
Or like those guys who sell scissors, go door to door, like Cutco, they sell scissors.
或者像那些卖剪刀的人一样，挨家挨户地卖，比如Cutco，他们卖剪刀。
I'm like, I'm sure I can sell some scissors.
我想，我确信我可以卖一些剪刀。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
I'm back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我会带着更多《美国生活》的故事回来。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。