334: Duty Calls - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #334 | November 18, 2016 334: Duty Calls Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 334 集 | 2016 年 11 月 18 日 334：使命召唤 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life .
序言 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥的 Ira Glass，这就是美国生活。
Mr. Goodman and I get these regularly.
古德曼先生和我经常收到这些。
Sometimes people think we make them up.
有时人们认为我们编造了它们。
Vincent Homenick and his boss, Norman Goodman, have to enlist 1,800 jurors a day for the state courts of New York City.
文森特·霍姆尼克 (Vincent Homenick) 和他的老板诺曼·古德曼 (Norman Goodman) 每天必须为纽约市的州法院招募 1,800 名陪审员。
And they have heard every possible excuse, real and fake, for avoiding jury duty.
他们已经听到了各种可能的借口，无论是真的还是假的，以逃避陪审团的职责。
And they've saved some of them in this very thick folder.
他们将其中一些保存在这个厚厚的文件夹中。
Believe it or not, we still get the old, my cat threw up on the summons and I could not send it in.
不管你信不信，我们还是老样子，我的猫在传票上吐了，我无法把它送进去。
Here's a summons with cat throw-up on the back.
这是一张背面有猫呕吐物的传票。
It's red and sort of a mustard color.
它是红色的，有点芥末色。
We get used tubes of Anusol, stating that the woman has hemorrhoids and can't sit.
我们收到了用过的 Anusol 管，说这位女士有痔疮，不能坐。
We get pictures.
我们得到照片。
Instead of a doctor's note, they send in pictures of their condition as if we know it's the actual person.
他们发送的不是医生的证明，而是他们病情的照片，就好像我们知道这是真实的人一样。
Oh, this is just a random photo of a man in a wheelchair.
哦，这只是一张坐在轮椅上的男人的随机照片。
That's right.
这是正确的。
And he says, as you can see, I'm not able to serve on jury duty.
他说，正如你所看到的，我无法担任陪审员。
Actually, using a wheelchair, or blindness-- or deafness, for that matter-- will not get you out of jury duty in New York.
事实上，使用轮椅，或者失明——或者耳聋，都不会让你脱离纽约的陪审团职责。
I got a letter the other day and it was not signed by the doctor.
前几天我收到一封信，但没有医生签名。
This is Vincent's boss, Norman, who's been in this job since 1969.
这是文森特的老板诺曼，他自 1969 年以来一直担任这份工作。
It was signed by a nurse in the doctor's office.
它是由医生办公室的护士签署的。
And the nurse said that this prospective juror has a chronic condition.
护士说这位准陪审员患有慢性病。
Well, so have we all.
嗯，我们大家也是如此。
Wait.
等待。
It didn't say what the condition was?
没说条件是什么？
Didn't say what the condition was.
没说条件是什么。
Just said she's got a chronic condition that prohibits her from serving on jury service.
只是说她患有慢性病，无法担任陪审员。
An unspecified medical condition is one they've seen a lot in their jobs as county clerk and chief clerk.
一种不明的健康状况是他们在担任县书记员和首席书记员的工作中经常见到的一种情况。
They also encounter a certain amount of rudeness.
他们也会遇到一定程度的粗鲁行为。
"Dear County Jerk," one letter opens.
一封信的开头是“亲爱的县混蛋”。
"Are you brain-dead?" Many New York citizens send back things we cannot broadcast on their official jury forms.
“你脑死亡了吗？”许多纽约公民发回了我们无法在他们的官方陪审团表格上公布的内容。
Now here's one where someone has just scrawled in black pen to F off.
现在，有人刚刚用黑笔潦草地写下了“F”。
We, unfortunately, get a lot of these.
不幸的是，我们得到了很多这样的东西。
They seem to think that they can write anything on an official court document, which is not the case.
他们似乎认为他们可以在正式的法庭文件上写任何东西，但事实并非如此。
One particular gentleman, during a noncompliance proceeding, blamed his seven-year-old sister for sending in pornography that was attached to our juror qualification questionnaire.
一位特别的绅士在一次违规诉讼中指责他七岁的妹妹发送了附在我们陪审员资格调查问卷上的色情内容。
The judge did not believe him.
法官不相信他。
The judge did fine him, and he ended up serving.
法官对他处以罚款，他最终服刑。
Serving his jury duty, that is.
也就是说，履行陪审团职责。
One man wrote in saying that he was simply too racist to be on a jury.
一名男子写道，他太种族主义了，不适合担任陪审团成员。
But the single most common excuse?
但最常见的借口是什么？
People can't afford the time.
人们没有时间。
They're single moms with no childcare.
她们是单亲妈妈，没有孩子。
They're people who will not be able to pay the bills if they take off work.
他们是如果下班就无法支付账单的人。
They think they are simply too important for jury duty.
他们认为自己对于陪审团的职责来说太重要了。
None of this cut it with Norman and Vincent, by the way.
顺便说一句，这一切都与诺曼和文森特无关。
Court clerks talk to these people, try to accommodate their schedule somehow.
法庭书记员与这些人交谈，尝试以某种方式适应他们的日程安排。
And part of the formula is the court clerks appeal to their idealism, their sense of duty.
其中一部分是法庭书记员诉诸他们的理想主义和责任感。
You make it a personal thing.
你把它当作个人的事情。
I tell them, if you had a case or a family member, you'd want the best jury possible.
我告诉他们，如果你有案件或家庭成员，你会想要最好的陪审团。
You'd want a fair cross-section.
你需要一个公平的横截面。
And that's the only way to get fair jurors is to get a fair cross-section and let everybody be part of it.
获得公平陪审员的唯一方法就是获得公平的横截面并让每个人都参与其中。
So it's important that everybody serves.
所以每个人都服务很重要。
When you give people that speech, does that work on most people?
当你向人们发表这样的演讲时，这对大多数人有效吗？
I think it does.
我认为确实如此。
Norman Goodman And in general-- in general-- people are responsible.
诺曼·古德曼 一般而言，一般而言，人们是有责任的。
People want to serve.
人们想要服务。
They're generous with their time.
他们对自己的时间很慷慨。
And-- not to put too fine a point on it-- they are threatened with fines and jail time if they don't show up.
而且——不要说得太过分——如果他们不出现，他们就会受到罚款和监禁的威胁。
But most do show up.
但大多数确实出现了。
Only 9% of the people who are summoned here for jury duty fail to show.
被传唤到这里担任陪审员的人中，只有 9% 没有到场。
Another 15%, Norman and Vincent say, try to contest or postpone their eligibility.
诺曼和文森特说，另外 15% 的人试图质疑或推迟他们的资格。
And there is one curious thing that the court's own exit questionnaires show, and that is that people who actually get to sit on a case and hear evidence and get to a verdict say they liked the experience way more than the people who just show up and don't get a case and then actually get to go home earlier.
法院自己的出庭调查问卷显示了一件奇怪的事情，那就是那些真正参与审理案件、听取证据并做出判决的人表示，他们比那些只是出庭但没有收到案件然后实际上提前回家的人更喜欢这种经历。
Something kicks in for the people who actually get on to juries.
对于那些真正进入陪审团的人来说，有些事情会发生。
Suddenly, it seems important to do the right thing.
突然间，做正确的事似乎很重要。
Which brings us to today's program.
这就引出了今天的节目。
Today we're going to devote our entire show to the story of somebody who gets called for a job that he does not want-- that nobody would want, really.
今天，我们的整个节目将讲述一个人的故事，他被要求从事他不想要的工作——实际上没有人会想要。
The kind of family obligation all of us face at some point or another, in some form.
我们所有人都会在某个时刻以某种形式面临这种家庭义务。
Though, this guy faces a more extreme version of it than most of us do.
不过，这个人面临着比我们大多数人更极端的情况。
And he goes.
他就走了。
Because, corny as it sounds, sometimes duty calls.
因为，虽然听起来很老套，但有时责任在召唤。
And sometimes it calls you to Florida.
有时它会召唤你去佛罗里达。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
When Josh Bearman grew up in suburban Pasadena, his dad worked for NASA-- was a physicist.
当乔什·贝尔曼 (Josh Bearman) 在帕萨迪纳郊区长大时，他的父亲在美国宇航局工作，是一名物理学家。
He had a stepmom, and he had a brother named Ethan.
他有一个继母，还有一个名叫伊森的兄弟。
That's not his whole family.
那不是他的全家。
When we first ran this next story in 2007, his mom was living in Florida along with his half-brother, David.
当我们 2007 年第一次报道下一个故事时，他的妈妈和他同父异母的兄弟大卫住在佛罗里达州。
Josh had gone for a while, not spending much time with them, but one day, he had no choice.
乔什离开了一段时间，并没有花太多时间和他们在一起，但有一天，他别无选择。
Here's how different the two halves of my family are.
这就是我的两个家庭的不同之处。
My brother Ethan, who grew up with me in California, left high school early for a conservatory, where he studied French horn.
我的兄弟伊森（Ethan）和我一起在加利福尼亚长大，他很早就离开高中进入音乐学院，在那里学习圆号。
He has a house, a wife, a son, and fills in with the LA Philharmonic.
他有房子、妻子、儿子，并且在洛杉矶爱乐乐团任职。
But my brother David in Florida, well, here he is.
但我在佛罗里达的兄弟大卫，他就在这里。
Yeah, I just got this police report for my DUI, and I'm gonna read it here.
是的，我刚刚收到了一份关于我酒后驾车的警方报告，我要在这里阅读它。
But I can already see a couple of things that are absolute bull-[BLEEP].
但我已经可以看到一些绝对牛市的事情了-[BLEEP]。
This wasn't even the original officer, and he's gonna talk about what he saw.
这甚至不是原来的警官，他会谈论他所看到的。
David's been arrested a bunch of times-- not for anything violent, just a DUI, a shoplifting charge or two.
大卫被捕过很多次——不是因为任何暴力行为，只是酒驾、一两次入店行窃指控。
Then there's my father, the nuclear physicist.
然后是我的父亲，核物理学家。
He sometimes launches at Caltech's Athenaem, surrounded by Nobel laureates.
他有时会在加州理工学院的雅典娜神庙举行发布会，周围都是诺贝尔奖获得者。
Here's my mom describing someone she might have lunch with.
这是我妈妈描述的一个她可能会和她共进午餐的人。
OK, Terron-- I used to call him the creeper.
好吧，特伦——我以前叫他苦力怕。
He's a street hustler, and that's all he'll ever be.
他是一个街头骗子，这就是他永远的样子。
He's waiting for a liver transplant.
他正在等待肝脏移植手术。
The last time I lived with my mother, I was nine.
上次我和妈妈住在一起是在我九岁的时候。
After my parents' divorce, my half-brother David-- he was just an infant at the time-- stayed with my mother, and my father got custody over me and Ethan.
我父母离婚后，我同父异母的兄弟大卫（当时他还是个婴儿）和我母亲住在一起，我父亲获得了我和伊森的监护权。
That's when my mom started drinking seriously.
从那时起，我妈妈开始认真喝酒。
As she got worse, we only caught glimpses of her.
随着她病情的恶化，我们只能瞥见她。
Occasional drunken phone calls late at night, a few sightings on family holidays.
偶尔会在深夜喝醉酒打电话，也有几次在家庭度假时见到。
For several years in there, I didn't even know where she was.
在那里呆了几年，我什至不知道她在哪里。
Once, in an effort to connect with her, I arranged for me, my brother Ethan, and my girlfriend Ronnie to all fly across the country to meet my mother and David for a visit at my grandparents' house.
有一次，为了与她取得联系，我安排我、我的兄弟伊森和我的女朋友罗尼飞越整个国家去见我的母亲和大卫，去我的祖父母家拜访。
My mother didn't show.
我妈妈没有出现。
A few years ago, my grandparents staged a rescue.
几年前，我的祖父母进行了一次救援。
They brought my mom and David to Florida, where they all lived among the palm trees and strip malls.
他们把我妈妈和大卫带到了佛罗里达州，他们都住在棕榈树和购物中心里。
It was a strange world down there.
那里是一个奇怪的世界。
David got into rapping, freestyling at MC battles so he could leave his mark on the greater Palm Beach area hip-hop scene.
David 在 MC 比赛中开始接触说唱和即兴表演，这样他就可以在大棕榈滩地区的嘻哈音乐界留下自己的印记。
He made friends with a producer, Jermaine, who was not exactly a producer, but a kid who met David at the Olive Garden and then moved in with him and my mom.
他和一位制片人杰梅因交了朋友，杰梅因并不是真正的制片人，而是一个在橄榄园遇见大卫的孩子，然后搬去和他和我妈妈住在一起。
At first, I was skeptical of this arrangement, until I realized that Jermaine was the most responsible one of the bunch, with David mostly jobless, and my mom still devising elaborate cover stories for morning trips to the liquor store.
起初，我对这种安排持怀疑态度，直到我意识到杰梅因是这群人中最负责任的一个，而大卫几乎失业了，而我妈妈仍在为早上去酒品店的旅行设计精心的封面故事。
These were transparent to me, but often fooled my grandparents, who devoted their final years to trying to manage all this-- posting bail, taking care of rent, paying for treatment plans, and David's $3,000 cell phone bills.
这些对我来说是透明的，但经常愚弄我的祖父母，他们在最后几年致力于管理这一切——缴纳保释金、支付租金、支付治疗计划以及大卫 3,000 美元的手机账单。
I'd visit a few times a year and always felt stunned at the way they lived.
我每年都会去几次，总是对他们的生活方式感到震惊。
I'd have to remind myself sometimes that these people were my immediate family.
有时我必须提醒自己，这些人是我的直系亲属。
I didn't understand them, and they played little role in my daily life.
我不理解它们，它们在我的日常生活中扮演的角色也很小。
Then one day last year, they took over my life.
然后去年的某一天，他们接管了我的生活。
It started with a phone call from David.
事情是从大卫打来的电话开始的。
By this time, my grandparents had both died, and my mom and David lived in my grandfather's condo at Century Village, a retirement community in West Palm Beach.
这时，我的祖父母都去世了，我的妈妈和大卫住在我祖父位于西棕榈滩退休社区世纪村的公寓里。
Now David was calling because he was about to start a 30-day jail sentence.
现在大卫打电话是因为他即将开始 30 天的监禁。
Our mother, he said, had been so drunk she hadn't moved from the couch in weeks.
他说，我们的母亲喝得烂醉，已经好几个星期没有从沙发上站起来了。
He was sure she would die if he left her there.
他确信，如果他把她留在那里，她就会死。
I got a neighbor to go over.
我有一个邻居要过去。
She took one look at my mother and called an ambulance.
她看了我妈妈一眼，就叫了一辆救护车。
When the paramedics brought her to intensive care, the attending physician called me to ask what the hell happened to her.
当护理人员将她送往重症监护室时，主治医生打电话给我，问她到底发生了什么事。
I said I didn't know.
我说我不知道。
The next morning, I got on a plane for Florida.
第二天一早，我就坐上了飞往佛罗里达的飞机。
When I arrived, my mom was in the hospital, unconscious, and attached to a tangle of intravenous drips.
当我到达时，我妈妈正在医院里，昏迷不醒，正在静脉滴注。
The DTs would set in over the next few days.
DT 将在接下来的几天内生效。
It was shocking, but equally shocking was what I saw when I went to her condo.
这很令人震惊，但同样令人震惊的是我去她的公寓时所看到的。
The place was so bad, it looked like a crime scene.
这个地方太糟糕了，看起来就像一个犯罪现场。
The couch had a blackened depression where she'd been sitting for God knows how long.
沙发上有一个发黑的凹陷，天知道她在那里坐了多久。
There were overflowing ashtrays, real and improvised, and trash everywhere.
烟灰缸满溢，无论是真实的还是临时搭建的，到处都是垃圾。
It smelled like urine and nicotine.
它闻起来像尿液和尼古丁。
There were burns in the couch, and a 4-foot patch of blackened carpet that looked like someone had spent several days rubbing bong water and soot into the floor on purpose.
沙发上有烧伤痕迹，还有一块 4 英尺长的黑色地毯，看起来像是有人故意花了几天时间将烟水和烟灰擦到地板上的。
It took a month for me to even begin sorting it all out.
我花了一个月的时间才开始整理这一切。
I arranged for David to complete his jail sentence in the condo under house arrest.
我安排大卫在公寓软禁中服完刑期。
When my mother stabilized, I got her transferred to a nursing facility-- the only one that would accept her with no insurance.
当我母亲病情稳定后，我把她转移到一家护理机构——这是唯一一家在没有保险的情况下接受她的机构。
But that was just the beginning.
但这只是开始。
With my grandparents gone, it was clear that she and David literally had no idea how to survive by themselves.
我的祖父母去世后，很明显，她和大卫根本不知道如何独自生存。
Now she faced destitution from all the medical bills, and David was on the verge of serious jail time was one more screw up.
现在，她因所有的医疗费用而陷入贫困，而大卫又陷入了严重的牢狱之灾。
It began to dawn on me that I couldn't go back home to California.
我开始意识到我无法回到加利福尼亚的家。
Someone had to help get them back on their feet, and there was nobody left but me.
必须有人帮助他们重新站起来，除了我之外没有人留下。
And that's how I wound up spending four months in Florida as a reluctant social worker for my own family.
这就是我最终在佛罗里达州作为一名不情愿的社会工作者为自己的家人度过了四个月的原因。
Hi.
你好。
I've got kind of a strange situation.
我遇到了一种奇怪的情况。
My mom lives at 240 Bedford J, and she's in the hospital--
我妈妈住在贝德福德街 240 号，她在医院里——
It's a typical Wednesday.
这是一个典型的星期三。
My mom's still in the nursing home, but there are various documents I need to pick up from her condo.
我妈妈还在疗养院，但我需要从她的公寓领取各种文件。
The problem is Century Village is a rather heavily fortified retirement community.
问题是世纪村是一个戒备森严的退休社区。
It's set up like some kind of geriatric army base, with many thousands of octogenarians housed in blocks and protected from solicitors and terrorists alike by a big walled perimeter.
它的设立就像某种老年军事基地，成千上万的八十多岁的老人被安置在一个街区里，并受到一个大围墙的保护，免受律师和恐怖分子的侵害。
You can't get past the tightly-monitored gates without having someone add your name to a list or flashing a residence pass.
如果没有人将您的名字添加到名单或出示居住证，您就无法通过严密监控的大门。
David recently lost his own pass and began resorting to commando tactics-- sneaking in through gaps in the golf course fence, or scaling the wall behind the gas station.
大卫最近失去了自己的通行证，开始采取突击队战术——从高尔夫球场围栏的缝隙中潜入，或者爬上加油站后面的墙。
I can't get on the stupid list myself, since you can only add visitors' names by calling from within your house.
我自己无法加入愚蠢的名单，因为您只能通过在家里打电话来添加访客的姓名。
So my mom can't call me in from the nursing home where she's living now.
所以我妈妈不能从她现在住的疗养院叫我进来。
Instead, I have to rely on her neighbors, who are easily confused and don't like to rock the boat.
相反，我必须依靠她的邻居，他们很容易混淆，也不喜欢惹事生非。
Hello?
你好？
Josh Bearman Hi, it's Josh calling again.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman） 嗨，乔什又打来电话了。
Yes?
是的？
Josh Bearman So I called my mom and she couldn't really figure out any other way for me to get in.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman）所以我打电话给我妈妈，她实在想不出任何其他方式让我进去。
Uh-huh.
嗯嗯。
Josh Bearman So I don't know.
乔什·贝尔曼 所以我不知道。
I wanted to try to return to the idea of maybe you calling me in somehow.
我想尝试回到也许你以某种方式叫我进来的想法。
Well-- Josh Bearman The neighbor does not call me in, which is nothing new.
嗯——乔希·贝尔曼 邻居不叫我进去，这不是什么新鲜事。
But after half an hour, I managed to convince one of the commanding officers of the gatehouse regime to let me through.
但半小时后，我成功说服门楼政权的一名指挥官让我通过。
Inside the wall, Century Village is like its own city.
墙内的世纪村就像是一座自己的城市。
There are acres of condos amongst man-made lakes, and the whole thing is serviced by a pharmacy and general store.
人造湖中有数英亩的公寓，整个区域由药房和杂货店提供服务。
There are several club houses and a shuttle system that takes residents to nearby shopping centers.
这里有几个俱乐部会所和一个接送居民前往附近购物中心的班车系统。
In Century Village-- where the entire place knows when you've put your car in the wrong parking spot-- imagine the impression made by my mother, drunk on the shuttle at noon, or David in a wife-beater, arguing with his pill-popping girlfriend on the grass at midnight.
在世纪村——那里的人都知道你什么时候把车停错了停车位——想象一下我母亲中午在班车上喝得醉醺醺的，或者大卫半夜在草地上殴打妻子、与他吃药的女朋友争吵时给人的印象。
Needless to say, they made for very conspicuous neighbors at 240 Bedford J.
不用说，他们是贝德福德 J 街 240 号非常显眼的邻居。
So I'm just getting to my mom's condo in Century Village.
我正要去我妈妈在世纪村的公寓。
The window's broken.
窗户坏了。
That's from a hurricane.
那是来自飓风。
And this place is a real mess.
这个地方真是一团糟。
What's in the f-- oh, boy.
这里面是什么——哦，孩子。
There's even roaches in the fridge.
冰箱里甚至还有蟑螂。
And there's roaches in the microwave.
而且微波炉里有蟑螂。
I should just turn the microwave on.
我应该打开微波炉。
That'll fix that problem.
这将解决这个问题。
[MICROWAVE BEEPS] [MICROWAVE RUNNING] All right.
[微波炉蜂鸣声] [微波炉运行] 好的。
I'm getting out of here.
我要离开这里。
It's been about a month since I was here the last time-- since my mom was rushed to the hospital-- and coming back is surprisingly emotional.
自从我上次来这里——自从我妈妈被送往医院以来——已经过去了大约一个月的时间，回来时我的情绪出奇地激动。
I looked for this old photo that was in the bedroom on my last visit.
我在卧室里寻找上次访问时的这张旧照片。
My mom's got a-- there's a picture of her when she was really young.
我妈妈有一张她年轻时的照片。
And I saw that and I started crying.
我看到了这一点，我开始哭了。
This is the picture of my mom that sort of made me upset.
这是我妈妈的照片，让我有点不安。
And it's actually a picture I've seen around for a long time.
这实际上是我已经看过很长时间的照片了。
This is my mom probably when she's 30 years old.
这是我妈妈大概30岁时的样子。
My mom was like this happy, healthy, attractive woman.
我的妈妈就像一位快乐、健康、有魅力的女人。
And it reminded me what it meant that my mom has wound up this way.
这让我想起了我妈妈的结局意味着什么。
She's unrecognizable when you compare her to this picture.
当你将她与这张照片进行比较时，她简直认不出来了。
[COUGHING] Excuse me.
[咳嗽]对不起。
Josh Bearman You've got grandma's cough.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman） 你得了奶奶的咳嗽。
I know.
我知道。
Yeah.
是的。
Josh Bearman My mom and I are in the car.
乔希·贝尔曼 我和妈妈在车里。
She's improved considerably since I checked her into the nursing home.
自从我把她送进疗养院后，她的情况有了很大的改善。
At that time, she was still in a wheelchair and couldn't eat solid food.
那时，她还坐在轮椅上，不能吃固体食物。
Now she's walking, back up to two packs a day, and complaining about her roommate.
现在她可以步行，每天最多吃两包，并抱怨她的室友。
Well, and then for one thing, I was in the same room with Mrs. Ayala, the Jesus freak.
好吧，然后有一件事，我和耶稣怪胎阿亚拉夫人在同一个房间。
Yeah.
是的。
Josh's Mom At 5:00 AM she'd be up yelling, praise Jesus!
乔什的妈妈早上 5:00 就会起床大喊，赞美耶稣！
Glory, hallelujah!
荣耀，哈利路亚！
And then she turned on the religious station.
然后她打开了宗教电台。
It'd be on all day.
它会开一整天。
If I attempted to change the channel, she'd start reading Bible verses to me.
如果我试图改变频道，她就会开始给我读圣经经文。
Then one day, I got annoyed at her.
然后有一天，我对她很生气。
I said, enough is enough.
我说，够了。
It's been on since 5:30 till 10 o'clock at night.
从晚上5点30分一直持续到晚上10点。
I want to watch a regular show.
我想看常规节目。
She called me the devil.
她称我为魔鬼。
That was it.
就是这样。
I called Corinne.
我打电话给科琳娜。
I said, I'm out of this room.
我说，我要离开这个房间了。
She called you the devil?
她骂你是恶魔？
Josh's Mom Yeah.
乔什的妈妈 是的。
She says, you're the devil.
她说，你是魔鬼。
But she was all friendly when I was there.
但当我在那里时，她很友好。
Oh, yeah.
哦，是的。
Well, that's her.
嗯，就是她。
Josh Bearman She's got a whole lot of stuffed animals, that's for sure.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman）：她有很多毛绒动物，这是肯定的。
From a purely medical perspective, my mother has made a dramatic recovery.
从纯粹的医学角度来看，我母亲已经康复了。
Along the way, she's created a whole life for herself at the nursing home.
一路走来，她在疗养院为自己创造了完整的生活。
And this is the first floor.
这是一楼。
Josh Bearman She takes me on a tour, waving at the staff she likes and pointing out all the friends she's made.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman） 她带我参观了一番，向她喜欢的员工挥手致意，并指出了她结交的所有朋友。
I hang out with Jean and Judy, the smokers.
我和吸烟者吉恩和朱迪一起出去玩。
Judy's the one that has the cute little shoes.
朱迪拥有那双可爱的小鞋子。
And Jean's the one-- she lives on the second floor.
琼就是那个——她住在二楼。
She has a room all to herself.
她有一个完全属于她自己的房间。
She's older-- yeah, eyepatch.
她年纪大了——是的，还有眼罩。
Oh, she's the one with the little designer eyepatch?
哦，她就是那个戴着小名牌眼罩的人？
Yeah.
是的。
Well, it's not a designer eyepatch.
嗯，这不是设计师眼罩。
Well, it's not black.
还好，它不是黑色的。
Josh's Mom No. Here's the lady who takes her clothes off all the time.
乔什的妈妈不。这是一位总是脱衣服的女士。
Oh, there she is.
哦，她在那儿。
Oh, she's in the process right now?
哦，她现在正在处理中吗？
As far as I'm concerned, she's too comfortable here.
就我而言，她在这里太舒服了。
This nursing home is fairly grim.
这家养老院的情况相当严峻。
Kind of a hellhole, actually.
实际上，有点像地狱。
Did you ever see that movie Jacob's Ladder ?
你看过电影《雅各布的天梯》吗？
You know that scene where Tim Robbins hallucinates being admitted into a hospital run by monsters?
你知道蒂姆·罗宾斯幻觉被送进怪物经营的医院的那个场景吗？
It's kind of like that.
有点像那样。
The place is totally isolated, surrounded by swamp.
这个地方完全与世隔绝，周围都是沼泽。
There are catatonics parked in the halls, drooling.
大厅里停满了紧张症患者，流着口水。
One woman roams around constantly weeping.
一名妇女四处走动，不断哭泣。
Michael, a stroke victim, seems to be standing in every corner, staring at you with these sad, hollow eyes.
迈克尔，一个中风患者，似乎站在每个角落，用悲伤、空洞的眼睛盯着你。
And that's the good floor.
这就是好地板。
Upstairs are the real basket cases.
楼上是真正的篮子。
That's where the howling dwarf lives.
那就是嚎叫矮人居住的地方。
We're all afraid to go up there.
我们都害怕去那里。
My mother saw him only once, but you can hear him every night, his voice echoing out into the sawgrass.
我母亲只见过他一次，但每天晚上你都能听到他的声音，他的声音在锯齿草中回响。
The only thing worse is the buzzing.
唯一更糟糕的是嗡嗡声。
God knows why, but the patients' call button in this place isn't a bell or a buzzer like in any normal hospital.
天知道为什么，但这里的病人呼叫按钮并不是像普通医院那样的铃或蜂鸣器。
It's this.
就是这个。
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING] This can go on for 10, 15 minutes straight.
[高音调铃声] 这种情况可以连续持续 10、15 分钟。
An hour, even.
甚至一个小时。
Sometimes my mother wakes up in the night to find the buzzer blaring and an orderly asleep in her room.
有时，我母亲半夜醒来，会发现门铃响了，而一个勤务兵在她的房间里睡着了。
I find it frustrating that she's not more frustrated.
我觉得令人沮丧的是她没有更沮丧。
Well, as far as the nursing home is concerned, you're sort of stuck there.
好吧，就疗养院而言，你有点被困在那里。
You might as well make the best of it.
你不妨充分利用它。
At least have a few people you can talk to and--
至少有几个可以交谈的人并且——
But I mean emotionally.
但我指的是情感上。
I mean, you haven't actually been too upset about your situation, outwardly.
我的意思是，从表面上看，你实际上并没有对自己的处境感到太沮丧。
Well, what am I supposed to do Joshua, cry all the time, or throw a fit all the time?
好吧，约书亚，我该怎么办，一直哭泣，还是一直发脾气？
No, I mean, I was glad to see that, in that sense, you were kind of bounced back to normal much faster than I thought.
不，我的意思是，我很高兴看到，从这个意义上说，你恢复正常的速度比我想象的要快得多。
But to me, when I come here-- and for years I'd come here-- and you don't have any idea, but to me and Ethan, this is not normal at all, the way you and David live.
但对我来说，当我来到这里时——我已经来这里很多年了——你不知道，但对我和伊森来说，这根本不正常，你们和大卫的生活方式。
It's kind of always like something happens that makes things a little bit worse, and it seems worse, but then you adjust to it, and the sudden that becomes normal.
就好像发生了一些事情，让事情变得更糟，而且看起来更糟，但后来你适应了它，突然就变得正常了。
That doesn't ever translate into some kind of action, I guess.
我想，这永远不会转化为某种行动。
Well, it has.
嗯，确实如此。
And then I put out this great effort, and then I start to lose the energy and I can't get it back.
然后我付出了巨大的努力，然后我开始失去能量，而且无法恢复。
I don't seem to be able to get it back.
我好像没办法拿回来了
And I get more and more depressed.
我变得越来越沮丧。
I don't know how to explain it.
我不知道该如何解释。
I really don't.
我真的不知道。
If I knew the answers to these questions, Josh, I'd be a very mentally healthy person.
乔什，如果我知道这些问题的答案，我就会成为一个心理非常健康的人。
This quality of hers-- this ability to adapt to anything-- is what got her here in the first place.
她的这种品质——这种适应任何事情的能力——是她来到这里的首要原因。
My mom adapted to each new rung on the ladder, and then the next step down didn't seem so bad.
我妈妈适应了梯子上的每一个新台阶，然后下一个台阶似乎也没有那么糟糕。
Take, for example, the hurricane that hit Florida a month before the paramedics came for my mom.
以飓风袭击佛罗里达州为例，一个月后医护人员才来救我妈妈。
As the category five storm was making landfall, David decided to go for a drive.
当五级风暴登陆时，大卫决定开车去兜风。
He was pulled over by the cops, which wasn't that surprising since the car had no registration, no insurance, no working tail lights, and a cracked windshield.
他被警察拦下，这并不奇怪，因为这辆车没有登记，没有保险，尾灯不工作，挡风玻璃也破裂了。
David, who had no license and maybe had taken some pills to boot, had been pulled over twice already for having that car on the road.
大卫没有驾照，可能还服用了一些药物，他已经因为那辆车上路而被拦下两次了。
He was thrown in jail for a week, and my mother was left all alone.
他被关进监狱一个星期，只剩下我母亲一个人。
I mean, I was sitting here in total darkness.
我的意思是，我坐在完全黑暗的环境中。
There weren't even any streetlights on, you know, wires falling down.
你知道，连路灯都没有亮，电线都掉下来了。
Everything was so chaotic.
一切都是那么混乱。
And then, of course, I started drinking out of control, and that was-- I started out saying, I just want a little relief from this insanity, and it made me even more insane.
然后，当然，我开始失控地喝酒，那就是——我开始说，我只是想从这种疯狂中得到一点缓解，这让我更加疯狂。
How come you didn't call me during that whole period?
怎么这段时间你都没有给我打电话？
Maybe because I really didn't know what to say, Josh.
也许是因为我真的不知道该说什么，乔什。
Well, I wish I'd have known to come down.
好吧，我希望我早知道要下来。
I mean, that's-- and then, especially as it got worse, I mean, I wish somebody had called and--
我的意思是，那是——然后，尤其是当情况变得更糟时，我的意思是，我希望有人打电话过来——
Yeah, I know.
是的，我知道。
Josh Bearman --Ethan or I could have come out.
乔希·贝尔曼——伊森或者我本来可以出来的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah I understand that, Josh, but it's just like--
是的，我明白，乔什，但这就像——
And I'm not-- I wasn't saying that's to make you feel guilty about not calling me.
我并不是——我这么说并不是为了让你因为没有给我打电话而感到内疚。
I was just--
我只是——
No, it's hard to explain.
不，这很难解释。
It's just like, you just don't want to intrude into you and Ethan's life and say, one more time, one more time, one more time.
就像，你只是不想闯入你和伊森的生活并说，再一次，再一次，再一次。
Well, I didn't know that.
嗯，我不知道。
Josh Bearman I would rather have done that than wind up down here for four months.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman） 我宁愿这样做，也不愿在这里待四个月。
Yeah, I know that.
是的，我知道。
Well, it's part of the whole cycle.
嗯，这是整个周期的一部分。
It's that you don't want to tell anybody else because if you tell somebody else, then you're telling yourself, which is the last thing you want to do.
而是你不想告诉别人，因为如果你告诉别人，那么你就是在告诉自己，这是你最不想做的事情。
Right now we're about to go into the Green Acres Police Station to get a copy of my ticket and police report that I need so I can go sign up for the DUI class.
现在我们要去 Green Acres 警察局领取我需要的罚单和警方报告副本，以便我可以报名参加酒后驾车课程。
This is my brother, David, and we're doing what I do every day down here-- repetitive, exasperating errands, like retrieving a copy of David's DUI charge so he can register for his court-mandated Mothers Against Drunk Driving Victim Impact Panel.
这是我的兄弟，大卫，我们正在做我每天在这里做的事情——重复的、令人恼火的差事，比如取回大卫酒后驾车指控的副本，这样他就可以注册法庭授权的母亲反对醉酒驾驶受害者影响小组。
This is one of his many conditions for probation.
这是他缓刑的众多条件之一。
There's a lot of registering for this, reporting for that, retrieving this piece of documentation from that bureaucracy.
有大量的注册、报告、从官僚机构检索这份文件。
Everything requires a money order, which, of course, requires money.
一切都需要汇票，当然，汇票也需要钱。
You guys do money orders?
你们做汇票吗？
Man Yeah.
男人 是啊。
How much?
多少？
$36?
36 美元？
Josh Bearman Do I have to pay that?
乔希·贝尔曼 我需要付钱吗？
Yeah.
是的。
I don't have $36.
我没有36美元。
I don't have $5.
我没有5美元。
Riding along for David's probationary checklist, it's easy to see how the downward spiral works.
沿着大卫的试用清单，很容易看出螺旋式下降是如何运作的。
Fail to turn in one piece of paper, and next time you have to show up with two more.
一张纸交不上，下次就得再交两张。
Miss a date, and your probation is longer.
错过约会，你的试用期就会更长。
And that means paying extra to the court for the extended supervision, which means borrowing money, or pawning something, or wiring money, all of which come with huge fees.
这意味着要向法院支付额外费用以进行长期监督，这意味着借钱，或典当某些东西，或电汇资金，所有这些都会产生巨额费用。
And David knows this better than anybody.
大卫比任何人都清楚这一点。
When you're breaking the law, you just watch your money decrease more and more.
当你违法时，你只会眼睁睁地看着你的钱越来越少。
And not to mention, it's like three, four years ago-- even in 2004, two years ago-- I was doing my thing in the studio.
更不用说，就像三、四年前——甚至是 2004 年、两年前——我还在工作室里做我的事情。
I was getting music done.
我正在完成音乐。
I was taking care of what I needed to do with that.
我正在处理我需要做的事情。
And since I got off that path and just starting getting all these stupid little charges and [BLEEP], it takes away from my time to do anything.
自从我离开那条路并开始收到所有这些愚蠢的小指控和[BLEEP]以来，它占用了我做任何事情的时间。
And you don't exactly feel too creative when you're behind bars.
当你身陷囹圄时，你并不会觉得自己太有创造力。
They want to try to say that they're going to rehabilitate you, but they don't know what's wrong with you to begin with to rehabilitate that anyway, you know?
他们想说他们要让你恢复名誉，但他们不知道你到底出了什么问题，无论如何，要让你恢复名誉，你知道吗？
Right.
正确的。
I mean, rehabilitation involves all kinds of complicated stuff.
我的意思是，康复涉及各种复杂的事情。
Figuring out--
弄清楚——
What's wrong with you.
你怎么了。
Josh Bearman --why you haven't been holding down a job, or why you keep screwing around, and then helping out once you get out, like I've been doing.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman）——为什么你没有保住一份工作，或者为什么你一直混在一起，然后一旦你出来就帮忙，就像我一直在做的那样。
Right.
正确的。
Exactly.
确切地。
Like if I didn't have all this help now that I have, it would have been a lot easier-- not saying that I necessarily would have, but it would definitely have been a lot easier to just fall back into that like, well, what's the point of trying type [BLEEP], you know?
就像如果我现在没有得到所有这些帮助的话，事情会容易得多——并不是说我一定会得到，但回到那样的情况肯定会容易得多，比如，好吧，尝试输入 [BLEEP] 有什么意义，你知道吗？
Because there's nothing to look forward to.
因为没有什么值得期待的。
There's no way out, so you're like, [BLEEP] it.
没有出路，所以你就像，[BLEEP]它。
It's a powerful force, that gravitational pull of downward mobility, because, if you think about it, David really shouldn't be that bad off.
这是一股强大的力量，向下流动的引力，因为，如果你仔细想想，大卫真的不应该那么糟糕。
He can hold down a job.
他能保住一份工作。
And he's not a bad rapper, either.
他也不是一个糟糕的说唱歌手。
He has dozens of notebooks filled with lyrics, and he's even recorded some songs.
他有几十本写满歌词的笔记本，甚至还录制了一些歌曲。
He's also really funny.
他也很有趣。
Here he is talking about his latest job at the Village Diner, a blue-plate special place that was just outside the gates of Century Village, and where, every day, a busload of regulars would arrive on the noon shuttle for lunch.
在这里，他正在谈论他在乡村餐厅的最新工作，这是一个位于世纪村大门外的蓝盘特殊餐厅，每天都有一车常客乘坐中午的班车到达那里吃午餐。
There was this guy, Big Balls-- well, he would just come in every single day, faithfully, and he'd order the same thing, which was meatloaf, a side of chicken noodle soup, and chocolate ice cream.
有一个人，大球——嗯，他每天都会忠实地进来，他会点同样的东西，那就是肉饼、一份鸡肉面条汤和巧克力冰淇淋。
I still remember.
我还记得。
Every single day.
每一天。
But if you walked up like-- you'd want to fill out his ticket already because you already knew what he was ordering.
但如果你走过去——你就会想填好他的票，因为你已经知道他点了什么。
So you'd start writing it, and he'd be like, so what's the special today?
所以你开始写它，他会问，今天有什么特别的吗？
And so you'd run through it anyway, knowing damn well that, at the end, he's still just going to say, let me get the meatloaf.
所以你无论如何都会经历它，非常清楚，到最后，他仍然会说，让我去拿肉饼。
And he always seemed surprised when he did it, too.
当他这样做时，他也总是显得很惊讶。
He'd be thinking for a second.
他会想一想。
Let me get the meatloaf-- every single time.
让我每次都去买肉饼。
And you'd have to just humor him because there was a couple times when I was like, I know you want the usual.
你必须迁就他，因为有几次我会想，我知道你想要平常的。
And he's like, wait, wait.
他就像，等等，等等。
[PHONE RINGING] Receptionist Good afternoon, doctor's office.
[电话铃声] 接待员下午好，医生办公室。
Hi.
你好。
I wanted to inquire about a letter that I requested from Dr. Thompson regarding my mother, a former patient of his.
我想询问汤普森医生给我写的一封关于我母亲的信，她是他的前病人。
Meanwhile, my mom's $100,000 hospital bill finally showed up.
与此同时，我妈妈的10万美元住院账单终于出现了。
This is on top of the mounting nursing home expenses.
这还不包括不断增加的疗养院费用。
And the only way she can pay for all of it is if I get her on Medicaid and/or Social Security disability, which means tracking down records for every doctor she's ever had.
她能支付所有费用的唯一方法是我让她享受医疗补助和/或社会保障残疾，这意味着追踪她曾经看过的每位医生的记录。
Then there's the fact that my mother is my mother.
还有一个事实：我的母亲就是我的母亲。
Like some kind of tragic supervillain who can't control her destructive powers, my mother somehow leaves an accidental trail of carnage wherever she goes.
就像某种无法控制自己破坏力的悲剧超级恶棍一样，我的母亲不知何故，无论走到哪里都会留下一道意外的屠杀痕迹。
Mailbox 1.
邮箱1.
You have 21 old messages.
您有 21 条旧消息。
[BEEP]
[嘟嘟声]
Allied Interstate calling in regards to an important personal matter that was described in a letter to you.
联合州际公路就给您的信中描述的一件重要的个人事务致电。
Due to federal and ethical state statutes, no further information may be left.
由于联邦和道德州法规，可能不会留下更多信息。
This is not a solicitation.
这不是招揽。
In this case, it seems that my mom ran into a car, gave the woman driving outdated insurance information, and then left the scene before police showed up.
在这种情况下，我妈妈似乎跑进了一辆车，给了开车的女人过时的保险信息，然后在警察出现之前离开了现场。
I'd found a letter from the woman and her attorney in the trash, unopened.
我在垃圾桶里发现了一封来自那位女士和她律师的信，未拆封。
This is typical of my mother's approach.
这是我母亲的典型做法。
She doesn't want to confront her problems, and she finds very particular ways of avoiding them.
她不想面对自己的问题，并且找到了非常特殊的方法来避免这些问题。
Yeah, I really don't know the layout of this place.
是啊，我真的不知道这个地方的布局。
Apparel is this way.
服装是这样的。
Every time I call now, my mother demands that I take her shopping.
现在每次我打电话，妈妈都会要求我带她去购物。
Each day, there's a strangely specific new request-- flip-flops, costume jewelry, hair dye, lottery tickets.
每天都会有一个奇怪的具体新需求——人字拖、人造珠宝、染发剂、彩票。
When I call to get the name of her neurologist, she wants to know if I picked up the socks she asked for.
当我打电话询问她的神经科医生的名字时，她想知道我是否拿到了她要的袜子。
I told you I'd take you to Walmart eventually.
我告诉过你我最终会带你去沃尔玛。
Yeah, right.
是的，对。
Josh Bearman Why were you dying to get here?
乔什·贝尔曼 你为什么渴望来到这里？
I know.
我知道。
Because I need those-- I need a couple-- I need jeans.
因为我需要那些——我需要一双——我需要牛仔裤。
I think I understand the shopping.
我想我懂购物了。
My mom doesn't have much control in her life-- no car, no money-- and so buying jean shorts is a goal she can handle.
我妈妈对她的生活没有太多的控制权——没有车，没有钱——所以买牛仔短裤是她可以实现的目标。
And in Walmart, there's no tragic past or scary future.
在沃尔玛，没有悲惨的过去，也没有可怕的未来。
She's just a customer in the unburdened present.
她只是一个无负担的顾客。
And so we go to Target, Walgreens, and the Dollar Store.
所以我们去了塔吉特 (Target)、沃尔格林 (Walgreens) 和一元店 (Dollar Store)。
One day, I find myself entering a strip mall with the following to-do list.
有一天，我发现自己带着以下待办事项清单进入了一家露天购物中心。
One carton of Marlboro 100s, a 12-pack of [INAUDIBLE] adult diapers, and a jar of herring packed in cream.
一箱万宝路 100 支、12 包[听不清] 成人尿布，以及一罐奶油鲱鱼。
My friend Starlee is visiting me in Florida, and she can see that it's getting to me.
我的朋友斯塔莉正在佛罗里达探望我，她可以看出这对我来说很重要。
Starlee-- her voice might be familiar because she's done stories on This American Life before-- comes with me on yet another errand, and we discuss my mother's endless to-do list.
斯塔莉——她的声音可能很熟悉，因为她以前在《美国生活》中做过故事——和我一起去执行另一项任务，我们讨论了我母亲无穷无尽的待办事项清单。
Last week it was the phone card.
上周是电话卡。
We had to get a phone card.
我们必须要一张电话卡。
We drove all these different places looking for a phone card.
我们开车去了所有这些不同的地方寻找电话卡。
And she had a phone card before I got here.
在我来这里之前她就有一张电话卡。
And I was saying, well, where did you get that phone card?
我说，好吧，你从哪里得到那张电话卡？
Wherever you got that one, get it from them!
无论你在哪里得到那个，都从他们那里得到！
I don't want to drive around and find you a phone card all over Palm Beach County with this.
我不想带着这个开车在棕榈滩县到处找你一张电话卡。
It takes a half an hour between 7-Elevens to get-- it's all so time consuming, and U-turns, and nobody knows where it is.
7-11 之间要花半个小时才能到达——太费时间了，而且还要掉头，没人知道它在哪里。
We went to three different places.
我们去了三个不同的地方。
They didn't have the right phone card.
他们没有合适的电话卡。
And then we went to one place and she's like, no, I don't want that one.
然后我们去了一个地方，她说，不，我不想要那个地方。
That's not the cheap one.
那不是最便宜的。
And then we got the phone card, and you know how much-- what the amount of the phone card was that we spent all this time?
然后我们拿到了电话卡，你知道我们这段时间花了多少钱？
$5.
5 美元。
Yeah, she bought only $5 worth of minutes.
是的，她只买了价值 5 美元的分钟。
She said this is the cheap one.
她说这是最便宜的。
It's plenty of minutes on here.
这里有足够的时间。
Oh, my god.
我的天啊。
Josh Bearman I don't know what to do.
乔什·贝尔曼 我不知道该怎么办。
I mean, there's a huge-- the thing is that it's not like you come to get her and she's like, let's go to the beach today.
我的意思是，有一个很大的问题是，你不是来接她的，而她却说，我们今天去海滩吧。
I feel I need to be out with the living at the beach, or at the movies, or going to work on something productive in my life-- not like that.
我觉得我需要出去和海滩上的人一起生活，或者去看电影，或者去做一些我生活中富有成效的事情——不是那样的。
It's all the errands revolve around the stuff she needs to take back to this weird place that she now lives.
所有的差事都围绕着她需要带回她现在居住的这个奇怪的地方的东西。
It's like there was never a time before the home, all of the sudden.
突然间，就好像从来没有回家过一样。
But also, compared to the other people in that place-- the rest of the cast of Jacob's Ladder in there-- she looks like she's literally in the administration.
而且，与那个地方的其他人（雅各布之梯的其他演员）相比，她看起来就像是真正的政府官员。
I mean, she hangs around with the administrators and the social workers.
我的意思是，她和管理人员和社会工作者在一起。
And she hangs out with them and talks to them, like what are we gonna do about this case that we've got here?
她和他们一起出去玩，和他们交谈，比如我们要对这里的这个案子做什么？
And she's totally high-functioning and in on all the decisions about what did you do with the VCR and what's going on with Michael's family?
她的工作能力非常出色，并且参与了所有关于录像机的处理以及迈克尔的家人发生了什么事的决定？
Are they coming today or not?
他们今天来还是不来？
We gotta get him ready.
我们得让他做好准备。
The problem is that, while my mother is obsessing with the small things, there are big things we need to do, like, for example, figure out a plan for her.
问题是，虽然我母亲沉迷于小事，但我们需要做一些大事，比如为她制定一个计划。
She can't stay at the nursing home because it's too expensive and depressing.
她不能留在疗养院，因为那里太贵而且令人沮丧。
She can't go back to Century Village because she'd be alone and could easily start drinking again.
她不能回世纪村，因为她会孤身一人，而且很容易又开始喝酒。
I'd like her to go into some kind of long-term treatment center, but whenever I talk to her about it, she has her own plans.
我希望她能去某种长期治疗中心，但每当我和她谈论这件事时，她都有自己的计划。
I was going to go up north-- remember we discussed this-- for a few months.
我本来打算去北方——记得我们讨论过这个——几个月。
And then I'm going to come back here.
然后我会回到这里。
So your plan is-- I mean, do you think that you'd be better off back here?
所以你的计划是——我的意思是，你认为你回到这里会更好吗？
Yeah, for a time.
是的，有一段时间。
Josh Bearman I mean, I'm asking because, when we moved you in here, Ethan and I, we did that because that made the most practical sense in the short-term, but we were both worried that exactly what happened was going to happen.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman），我的意思是，我问这个问题是因为，当我们把你搬到这里时，伊森和我，我们这样做是因为这在短期内具有最实际的意义，但我们都担心所发生的事情将会发生。
And you were saying, oh, things are going to be fine.
你说，哦，一切都会好起来的。
And they weren't fine.
他们过得并不好。
They were disastrous to the tune of $100,000 now, maybe.
现在它们的损失可能达到 100,000 美元。
Right, right.
对，对。
No, that's true.
不，确实如此。
But I'm done with the alcohol, Josh.
但我已经戒酒了，乔什。
I really am.
我确实是。
It kicked my ass so bad this time, physical and emotional.
这一次，无论是身体上还是情感上，都给我带来了很大的打击。
Are you sure?
你确定吗？
I mean, that's what I want to know.
我的意思是，这就是我想知道的。
That's what I feel like I need to know.
这就是我觉得我需要知道的。
I don't want to go through that pain ever again.
我不想再经历那样的痛苦了。
Never.
绝不。
And I'm the devil!
而我就是恶魔！
Now kindly undo these straps!
现在请解开这些带子！
There's this one small, but telling, moment in the movie The Exorcist that's always reminded me of my mother.
电影《驱魔人》中有一个虽小却很能说明问题的时刻，总是让我想起我的母亲。
[SPEAKING GREEK] Josh Bearman It's when the devil, through Regan, the possessed girl, is pretending to be Father Karras' dead mother.
[说希腊语] 乔什·贝尔曼 (Josh Bearman) 正是在这个时候，魔鬼通过被附身的女孩里根 (Regan) 假装成卡拉斯神父死去的母亲。
[SPEAKING GREEK] Josh Bearman She speaks to him softly in Greek, and he wants to believe it.
[说希腊语] Josh Bearman 她用希腊语轻声对他说话，他愿意相信。
You can see his face overcome with emotion, missing her, regretting, and resisting, because he knows it's not his mother.
你可以看到他的脸上充满了情感，想念她，后悔，抗拒，因为他知道那不是他的母亲。
It's a demon.
这是一个恶魔。
And it's the kind of acting job that all alcoholics can turn out at will.
这是所有酗酒者都可以随意完成的表演工作。
There have been times when my brother, Ethan, and I have had to prepare to talk to my mother the same way that Max von Sydow warns Father Karras before they enter Regan's room.
有时候，我和哥哥伊森必须准备与母亲交谈，就像马克斯·冯·西多在进入里根的房间之前警告卡拉斯神父一样。
He's a liar.
他是个骗子。
The demon is a liar.
恶魔是个骗子。
He will like to confuse us.
他会喜欢迷惑我们。
But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us.
但他也会将谎言与事实混合在一起来攻击我们。
The attack is psychological, Damien, and powerful.
攻击是心理上的，达米安，而且很强大。
So don't listen to him.
所以别听他的。
Remember that.
请记住这一点。
Do not listen.
不要听。
Doesn't it frustrate you that your mom never acts like your mom?
你妈妈的行为举止不像你妈妈，你不感到沮丧吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
It's a really horrible feeling, actually, to feel like your mom is lying to you, and that you can't trust anything she says, and that you have to guard yourself against everything, and that you can't-- like now, she says that this is the worst, and I don't want to feel that pain again, and I really want to go in there with her and sympathize.
事实上，感觉你妈妈在对你撒谎，你不能相信她说的任何话，你必须防范一切，你不能——就像现在，她说这是最糟糕的，我不想再次感受到那种痛苦，我真的很想和她一起去同情她，这是一种非常可怕的感觉。
But I absolutely have to-- I learned a long time ago you cannot.
但我绝对必须——我很久以前就知道你不能。
You can't because that's when you're susceptible to--
你不能，因为那时你很容易——
The demon.
恶魔。
Josh Bearman To the demon.
乔什·贝尔曼 走向恶魔。
And the demon wants to go to Minnesota now.
恶魔现在想去明尼苏达。
And I don't know if the demon should go to Minnesota.
我不知道恶魔是否应该去明尼苏达。
I want to let the demon go to Minnesota.
我想让恶魔去明尼苏达。
I want to untie her from the bed and let her free, but then she's going to throw me out the window.
我想把她从床上解开，让她自由，但她会把我扔出窗外。
The thing is, you would like nothing more than to say-- it'd be a relief for her to just go to Minnesota, probably.
问题是，你只想说——也许去明尼苏达对她来说是一种解脱。
It would be a relief.
这将是一种解脱。
Starlee Kine Yeah.
斯塔莉·凯恩 是的。
Well, coming up, Josh's mom starts talking to him in Greek, so to speak.
好吧，可以这么说，乔什的妈妈开始用希腊语与他交谈。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
芝加哥公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life .
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today on our show, a story that we first ran back in 2007, about Joshuah Bearman and the family duty that he found himself trying to fulfill.
今天在我们的节目中，我们在 2007 年首次播出了一个故事，讲述的是约书亚·贝尔曼 (Joshua Bearman) 以及他发现自己试图履行的家庭责任。
When we left off before the break, his mom was still in a nursing home.
当我们在休息前离开时，他的妈妈还在疗养院里。
His half-brother, David, was trying to get his life together and stay out of jail.
他同父异母的弟弟大卫正在努力让自己的生活恢复正常并远离牢狱之灾。
Josh picks up the story from there.
乔什从那里开始讲述这个故事。
Time can be merciless in South Florida.
在南佛罗里达州，时间可能是无情的。
It's easy for a numbing routine to develop down here, which is exactly what happens as I spend countless hours Xeroxing medical records and driving 40 miles to fix the kitchen sink because David can't quite figure out how to operate the plumber's wrench.
在这里很容易养成一种令人麻木的习惯，这正是当我花了无数个小时复印医疗记录并开车 40 英里去修理厨房水槽时所发生的事情，因为大卫不太清楚如何操作水管工扳手。
Every time there's progress on some small thing, I look up and realize the horizon is still miles away.
每当在一些小事情上取得进展时，我就会抬头，发现地平线仍然在数英里之外。
But at least my mom hasn't been drinking.
但至少我妈妈没有喝酒。
I was sure that, as soon as she could walk, she'd take the pocket cash I gave her each week and convince someone to smuggle booze into the nursing home.
我确信，一旦她能走路，她就会拿走我每周给她的零花钱，并说服某人将酒偷运到疗养院。
It really wouldn't be that hard.
这真的不会那么难。
This is a woman who could figure out how to get hooch if she were trapped in Apollo 13.
如果这位女士被困在阿波罗 13 号，她能想出如何喝酒。
But she's resisted so far, which means one less thing to worry about.
但到目前为止她一直在抵制，这意味着少了一件需要担心的事情。
It also means I can talk to her without the sway of alcohol clouding every conversation.
这也意味着我可以和她交谈，而不会因为酒精的影响而影响每一次谈话。
I can ask her questions that would have been impossible before, like how exactly did this all begin?
我可以问她一些以前不可能的问题，比如这一切到底是如何开始的？
You know, it's hardly like I woke up one day and said, gee, I'd like to become an alcoholic.
你知道，我不会有一天醒来说，天哪，我想成为一名酒鬼。
And there was absolutely no question that it was brought on by my post-traumatic stress disorder.
毫无疑问，这是由我的创伤后应激障碍引起的。
Flashbacks of the scenario in Minneapolis, vivid, like I was experiencing it all over again.
明尼阿波利斯的场景闪回，栩栩如生，就像我再次经历过一样。
The scenario in Minneapolis?
明尼阿波利斯的情况？
That's another big part of the story-- one that I haven't told you about yet.
这是故事的另一重要部分——我还没有告诉你。
Part of the reason for my parents' messy divorce was that, when my dad left for his NASA job, my mom was supposed to stay behind, finish up our school year, sell the house, and meet him in Pasadena.
我父母离婚的部分原因是，当我父亲去美国宇航局工作时，我妈妈应该留下来，完成我们的学年，卖掉房子，并在帕萨迪纳与他见面。
Instead, she met a man named Sonny at a Minneapolis nightclub.
相反，她在明尼阿波利斯的一家夜总会遇到了一个名叫桑尼的男人。
He was a Cherokee, six-foot-five and lean, charming but moody, and often carrying his guitar.
他是切罗基人，身高六英尺五英寸，身材瘦削，迷人但喜怒无常，经常带着吉他。
He was the very opposite of my father.
他与我父亲截然相反。
Sonny moved in, and my mother never made it to Pasadena.
桑尼搬了进来，而我母亲却没能去帕萨迪纳。
Sonny was also a drug dealer.
桑尼也是一名毒贩。
Sometimes his friends would fill the house, partying full steam and staying up late.
有时他的朋友们会挤满屋子，开足马力狂欢，熬夜。
I remember being babysat by Sonny's stoned Sioux friends, showing them my dinosaur dioramas and trying to convince them to play Dungeons and Dragons with me.
我记得桑尼喝醉了的苏族朋友们在照顾我，给他们看了我的恐龙立体模型，并试图说服他们和我一起玩龙与地下城。
I'm not sure what my mother was after, but she loved Sonny, and my father was heartbroken.
我不知道我母亲在追求什么，但她爱桑尼，而我父亲伤心欲绝。
And so after my parents' divorce, Ethan and I went back and forth for a while-- a year in California, a year in Minnesota.
因此，在我父母离婚后，伊森和我来来回回了一段时间——在加利福尼亚州一年，在明尼苏达州一年。
It was around then that that photograph was taken-- the one I found in my mother's bedroom after she was rushed to the hospital.
那张照片就是在那时拍摄的——那张照片是我母亲被送往医院后在她的卧室里发现的。
It's actually a picture of her and Sonny together.
这实际上是她和桑尼在一起的照片。
My mom is dressed up, yellow lapel points flaring out over a black dress.
我妈妈盛装打扮，黄色翻领尖在黑色连衣裙上向外张开。
Sonny is wearing a tan suit.
桑尼穿着一套棕褐色西装。
They're on a couch together, both facing the camera.
他们一起坐在沙发上，都面向镜头。
It's my mother's favorite photo from those days.
这是我妈妈当年最喜欢的照片。
How old was I there?
我在那里几岁？
30?
30？
Yeah.
是的。
In fact, I know it was 30 because it was in August, and it was his 40th birthday, and I was three months pregnant with David.
事实上，我知道那是 30 岁，因为那是 8 月，也是他的 40 岁生日，而我已经怀着大卫三个月了。
It was a happy time.
那是一段快乐的时光。
I remember how good I felt then.
我记得当时我的感觉有多好。
I also remember how much I missed feeling like that, enjoying things, just being in love, and all those things.
我还记得我是多么怀念那种感觉、享受事物、恋爱以及所有这些事情。
Do you remember when we used to go to the Nature Center, all of us?
你还记得我们大家一起去自然中心的时候吗？
We'd go with Sonny to Richfield Nature Center?
我们要和桑尼一起去里奇菲尔德自然中心吗？
No, I don't remember that.
不，我不记得了。
Josh's Mom And then I would be coming down the walk, and you guys would jump out at me and try and scare me?
乔希的妈妈然后我会沿着人行道走来，你们会跳到我身上并试图吓唬我？
I remember that.
我记得。
Josh's Mom That was at the Nature Center.
乔什的妈妈 那是在自然中心。
Always, yeah.
总是，是的。
Right.
正确的。
Josh Bearman Like in the grocery store and wherever.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman） 就像在杂货店或任何地方一样。
Someone recently asked me if I love my mother, and I realized I actually had to think about it.
最近有人问我是否爱我的母亲，我意识到我实际上必须考虑一下这个问题。
I do, of course, but for months I've seen her only as a set of problems.
我当然知道，但几个月来我只把她视为一系列问题。
It's often hard to remember the person my mother once was when she enrolled at Cornell at 16, spoke French, and got a master's degree.
人们常常很难记起我母亲 16 岁时进入康奈尔大学、说法语并获得硕士学位时的样子。
When she was lucid, I used to like hearing her stories about growing up with my grandparents and their exploits in pre-war Palestine, or talking about the news, since she was always intensely political.
当她神智清醒时，我过去喜欢听她讲述与我的祖父母一起长大的故事以及他们在战前巴勒斯坦的功绩，或者谈论新闻，因为她总是充满政治色彩。
I hadn't seen much of that old self on this trip to Florida.
在这次佛罗里达之行中，我没怎么见到那个以前的自己。
And then one evening, I took my mother to dinner at Red Lobster.
然后有一天晚上，我带妈妈去红龙虾餐厅吃晚饭。
It must have put her in some kind of good mood because, while we were going over the menu, she starts telling me some story, a tiny episode from my childhood, a little glimpse of what it was like before all this.
这一定让她心情很好，因为当我们浏览菜单时，她开始给我讲一些故事，我童年的一个小插曲，让我瞥见这一切之前的情况。
And I can't even remember what it was other than it flooded me with the sudden, overwhelming realization that this person across from me actually is my mother and that if things had been different, we could have been getting dinner together like normal people.
我什至不记得那是什么，只记得我突然、压倒性地意识到，我对面的这个人实际上是我的母亲，如果情况不同，我们本来可以像正常人一样一起吃晚饭。
And when I start crying right there, at 4:30 PM at the Red Lobster on Okeechobee Boulevard, my mother tries to comfort me, like mothers do, for the first time in as long as I can remember.
下午 4:30，当我在奥基乔比大道上的红龙虾餐厅开始哭泣时，我的母亲试图安慰我，就像母亲们所做的那样，这是我有记忆以来第一次。
I wish things were different, I say.
我希望事情有所不同，我说。
I wish they were, too, she answers.
“我希望他们也是，”她回答道。
It's hard to say exactly how the woman I remember from childhood became the one sitting with me today.
很难确切地说出我童年记忆中的那个女人是如何成为今天坐在我身边的那个女人的。
But there's no question a lot of it had to do with that scenario in Minneapolis, which was this one night when some strangers showed up at the house.
但毫无疑问，这很大程度上与明尼阿波利斯的场景有关，就在这个晚上，一些陌生人出现在家里。
And these people came to the door and told me that they were having car trouble, asked me if my husband was home, and did we have jumper cables.
这些人来到门口告诉我他们的车出了问题，问我我丈夫是否在家，我们是否有跨接电缆。
And it all seemed legit to me because I couldn't get my car started that day.
这对我来说似乎是合法的，因为那天我无法启动我的车。
It was really, really cold.
天气真的非常非常冷。
So they wanted to use the phone, which sounded logical, although there was a payphone on the corner, and I should have told them to go there or asked them for the number and never let them in the house.
所以他们想使用电话，这听起来很合乎逻辑，尽管街角有公用电话，我应该告诉他们去那里或向他们要电话号码，并且永远不要让他们进屋。
What I should have done and what I did do are two different things.
我应该做的事和我确实做的事是两件不同的事。
So anyway, they came in and they were-- they must have heard him coming up the pathway, because the snow was packed on the walkway.
所以无论如何，他们进来了，他们一定听到了他沿着小路走来的声音，因为人行道上积满了雪。
He came in, and that's when the guy puts a gun to my hip and told him, don't come any further.
他进来了，就在那时，那家伙把枪放在我的臀部并告诉他，不要再靠近了。
I'm going to blow this bitch away.
我要把这个婊子轰走。
I was there that night, too.
那天晚上我也在那里。
I actually answered the door.
我确实去开门了。
I remember how cold it was when the couple came inside.
我记得那对夫妇进来时天气有多冷。
I didn't see him, but outside was a third man.
我没有看到他，但外面有第三个人。
There's always a third man at a hit, the police later said, but I didn't know what was happening.
警方后来说，袭击中总会有第三个人，但我不知道发生了什么。
I was in the other room, watching CHiPs with David, when Sonny came home and drew his own 9 millimeter.
当桑尼回到家并画了他自己的 9 毫米时，我正在另一个房间里和大卫一起观看 CHiP。
I heard gunfire, and looked up to see bullets coming through the walls near David.
我听到枪声，抬头看到子弹穿过大卫附近的墙壁。
I took him out of his high chair, hid in the bathroom, and watched the hitman out the window, running off past the icicles in the alley.
我把他从高脚椅上抱起来，躲进浴室，看着窗外的杀手，跑过小巷里的冰柱。
In the other room, Sonny was down.
在另一个房间里，桑尼倒在地上。
My mother was so frantic she couldn't remember his name when she called 911.
我母亲惊慌失措，当她拨打 911 时，她记不起他的名字了。
I had to get on the line and explain to the paramedics where we lived.
我必须打电话向医护人员解释我们住的地方。
I was nine-- or I would be the next day.
当时我九岁——或者第二天我就九岁了。
A few weeks later, Sonny died in the hospital.
几周后，桑尼在医院去世。
That's why my father got full custody of me and Ethan.
这就是为什么我父亲获得了我和伊森的完全监护权。
David was Sonny's kid, so he stayed with my mother.
大卫是桑尼的孩子，所以他和我母亲住在一起。
We saw them during summer for a few years, but things were never the same.
我们在夏天见过他们好几年了，但一切都不再一样了。
I don't even remember the turning point, but eventually she stopped working, and we stopped going.
我什至不记得转折点，但最终她停止了工作，我们也停止了前进。
I've always assumed that those missing years were rough for my mother and David, but while in Florida, I discovered that they were worse than I thought.
我一直认为那些缺失的岁月对我的母亲和大卫来说是艰难的，但在佛罗里达时，我发现他们比我想象的更糟糕。
So I need to find a bunch of records in here.
所以我需要在这里找到一堆记录。
They must have stored boxes.
他们一定有储存的盒子。
One day, back in the condo, I'm searching for some medical documents.
有一天，我回到公寓，正在寻找一些医疗文件。
Surprisingly, my mother's effects are pretty well organized, fitting mostly in one small, gunmetal file case.
令人惊讶的是，我母亲的物品整理得井井有条，大部分都装在一个小的青铜色文件盒里。
It occurs to me, flipping through, that there's not much in it because not much has happened to my mother.
翻阅之后，我突然发现里面并没有太多内容，因为我母亲并没有发生太多事情。
Her entire life fits in this little box.
她的一生都装在这个小盒子里。
This is something addressed to my mom, 1985.
这是 1985 年写给我妈妈的信。
Des Moines Child Guidance Center.
得梅因儿童指导中心。
Oh, this is about David.
哦，这是关于大卫的。
"I saw David Parks, age four, on May 22, 1985, after you had referred him to the Des Moines Child Guidance Center at the suggestion of Candace Bennett of juvenile court." Well, that's crazy.
“1985 年 5 月 22 日，在你按照少年法庭的坎迪斯·贝内特的建议将他转介到得梅因儿童指导中心后，我见到了四岁的大卫·帕克斯。”嗯，这太疯狂了。
How can you be involved in court at age four?
四岁了怎么能上法庭呢？
Well, here it says, "this was following an escapade in which David stole money out of your purse, wandered away from home, and told the police that he was going to the store to buy some food because his mother had not fed him breakfast.
好吧，这里说，“这是在一次越轨行为之后，大卫从你的钱包里偷了钱，离家出走，并告诉警察他要去商店买一些食物，因为他的母亲没有给他吃早餐。
When I saw David, he was living with you but had recently been in a foster home for about a week, or 10 days, while you were in the hospital."
当我见到大卫时，他正和你住在一起，但最近在寄养家庭待了大约一周或十天，而你则在医院。”
Huh.
呵呵。
I didn't know David was ever in a foster home.
我不知道大卫曾经在寄养家庭里过。
That poor kid.
那个可怜的孩子。
And I didn't know that she was in the hospital in 1985.
我也不知道1985年她就住院了。
I didn't quite realize things were that bad that early.
我这么早就没有意识到事情有那么糟糕。
A few days later, I bring up those missing years with David.
几天后，我向大卫提起那些缺失的岁月。
For the first time, I get a clearer picture of what life was like for him, living with a grieving mother who was drinking more and more, and getting caught up with a string of abusive men.
我第一次更清楚地了解了他的生活，与一位酗酒的悲伤母亲住在一起，并与一连串施虐的男人纠缠在一起。
They weren't good people.
他们不是好人。
I mean, they weren't the worst people in the world, either.
我的意思是，他们也不是世界上最糟糕的人。
But they all were in and out of jail, beating up Mom, threatening to kill her, threatening to kill me.
但他们都进出监狱，殴打妈妈，威胁要杀了她，威胁要杀了我。
Like at 14 years old or something, I was thrown into the glass china cabinet that Mom had by her boyfriend, Mark.
就像14岁左右的时候，我被她的男朋友马克扔进了妈妈的玻璃瓷柜里。
And he was so drunk, I ended up fighting him that night and finally I restrained him to this chair.
他喝得太醉了，那天晚上我和他打了起来，最后我把他限制在这张椅子上。
It's a weird feeling when you're that young and you've got to stick up for your mother because you're the only-- you are the man of the household.
当你那么年轻的时候，你必须支持你的母亲，这是一种奇怪的感觉，因为你是唯一的——你是家里的男人。
And if you don't stand up for that, then all this other crazy [BLEEP] is going to happen.
如果你不支持这一点，那么所有其他疯狂的[BLEEP]都会发生。
And having cops called to the house all the time, and then watching her, because she had feelings for him, tell the cops, oh, nothing is happening, or hide him out and [BLEEP] like that.
警察一直打电话到家里，然后看着她，因为她对他有感情，告诉警察，哦，什么也没发生，或者把他藏起来然后[哔]这样。
And you, at that age, when you're going through all that, you know it's not right, so you try to act your life isn't bad.
而你，在那个年纪，当你经历这一切时，你知道这是不对的，所以你努力表现出你的生活还不错。
You try to act like your life is normal.
你试着表现得好像你的生活很正常。
You hide all that away from the rest of the world.
你将这一切隐藏起来，远离世界其他地方。
I was scared to have people-- friends of mine-- come over and sleep over at the house because the average kid is going to be freaked out.
我害怕有人——我的朋友——过来在家里过夜，因为普通的孩子会被吓坏的。
You try to warn them ahead of time like, look, this situation is grim.
你试着提前警告他们，比如，看，情况很严峻。
You're going to hear [BLEEP] you aren't supposed to hear.
您将听到不该听到的[BLEEP]。
You're going to see [BLEEP] that you definitely shouldn't be seeing at this age.
您将会看到您在这个年龄段绝对不应该看到的[BLEEP]。
And it's real.
这是真的。
It's right there in front of you.
它就在你面前。
Cops might be called.
可能会叫警察。
Violent acts might occur around you.
您周围可能会发生暴力行为。
You've just got to-- you know, you're like a soldier.
你必须——你知道，你就像一名士兵。
And so then the kids that do end up coming over that become regulars are the ones just as [BLEEP]-up as you.
所以那些最终过来并成为常客的孩子就是那些和你一样[哔]起来的人。
We went up to this cabin up north, me and this kid named Kenny, who was the son of Kenny, Sr., who was Mark's friend.
我们去了北方的这间小屋，我和这个名叫肯尼的孩子，他是老肯尼的儿子，老肯尼是马克的朋友。
So they're all drinking.
所以他们都在喝酒。
And they put some bottles up on this old truck that's all gutted out or whatever.
他们在这辆旧卡车上放了一些瓶子，这些瓶子都被掏空了。
And there was a competition between me and Kenny on who-- we took a .22 rifle, and who could knock down the most bottles.
我和肯尼之间进行了一场比赛，看谁拿了一支 0.22 步枪，谁能击倒最多的瓶子。
And I guess they might have put money on the whole thing, whatever.
我猜他们可能已经在整个事情上投入了资金，无论如何。
We're in the middle of nowhere, up north Minnesota, close to the Canadian border.
我们位于明尼苏达州北部的偏僻地区，靠近加拿大边境。
So I ended up winning the competition because I was always a good shot.
所以我最终赢得了比赛，因为我总是投得很好。
And Kenny, Jr., ended up getting beat by his father because I won.
小肯尼最终被他父亲打败了，因为我赢了。
Because that [BLEEP] was so important to them that his son was now a pansy or whatever, because he didn't beat me.
因为那个[BLEEP]对他们来说太重要了，他的儿子现在是三色堇之类的，因为他没有打败我。
David also provided some new details to the story about Sonny.
大卫还提供了有关桑尼的故事的一些新细节。
Mom likes to downplay Sonny's drug dealing, although, during one of our conversations, she did let slip that, well, OK, maybe there was cocaine in the house when Sonny was killed, and that she cleverly hid this cocaine from the cops by throwing it in David's diaper hamper.
妈妈喜欢淡化桑尼的毒品交易，不过，在我们的一次谈话中，她确实无意中透露，好吧，也许桑尼被杀时房子里有可卡因，她巧妙地把可卡因扔进大卫的尿布篮里，不让警察发现。
And then David adds this.
然后大卫补充了这一点。
He was selling cocaine-- I mean, living the gangster lifestyle, and not just normal gangster lifestyle.
他贩卖可卡因——我的意思是，过着黑帮的生活方式，而不仅仅是正常的黑帮生活方式。
He used to have a passport, going to all these countries and smuggling drugs and jewels and [BLEEP].
他曾经有护照，去所有这些国家走私毒品、珠宝和[BLEEP]。
Not just your like small-time around-the-block.
不只是你喜欢的街区附近的小人物。
Wait, wait, wait.
等等，等等，等等。
What's with the passport?
护照怎么了？
I never heard about the fake passport.
我从来没有听说过假护照的事。
No, it was a real passport.
不，这是一本真正的护照。
He went to all these countries like Malaysia, Thailand, India, Pakistan.
他去了马来西亚、泰国、印度、巴基斯坦等所有国家。
And he used to go there-- and this was back in times when you had a false bottom in the suitcase, and he would smuggle back, with his brother-- my uncle--
他过去常常去那里——那是在手提箱里有假底的时代，他会和他的兄弟——我的叔叔——一起偷偷回来——
Larry.
拉里.
David Parks Yeah.
大卫·帕克斯 是的。
They would smuggle back drugs and jewels and things like that.
他们会走私毒品、珠宝之类的东西。
Matter of fact, my grandmother on my father's side was working in a bank, and she used to launder some of their money.
事实上，我父亲那边的祖母在一家银行工作，她曾经为他们洗过一些钱。
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
哇，哇，哇。
Wait, so-- David Parks You never heard all this?
等等，那么——大卫·帕克斯（David Parks） 你从来没有听说过这一切吗？
No, I never-- I never heard about the Cherokee drug-smuggling, money-laundering operation.
不，我从来没有听说过切罗基的毒品走私和洗钱活动。
It's startling to compare David's life at this time-- the life I could have had-- with the life I actually did have in Pasadena with my father.
将大卫此时的生活（我本可以拥有的生活）与我和父亲在帕萨迪纳实际拥有的生活进行比较，真是令人震惊。
Things weren't perfect there, I should say.
我应该说，那里的事情并不完美。
As a teenager, I started fighting with my dad enough that I moved out at 16.
十几岁的时候，我开始和父亲吵架，以至于我在 16 岁就搬了出去。
I spent a summer working at Pizza Hut in Ontario, California, sharing a house with meth heads.
我在加利福尼亚州安大略省的必胜客工作了一个夏天，与吸毒者合住一间房子。
But the difference is that my dad gave me perspective.
但不同的是我父亲给了我观点。
I knew what was normal.
我知道什么是正常的。
We'd had regular bedtimes, built model rockets, and went to art class on Saturday mornings.
我们有规律的就寝时间，制作火箭模型，并在周六早上去上艺术课。
I always expected I'd go to college.
我一直期望我能上大学。
Even at that dingy Pizza Hut, I'd sit on a pickle bucket in the back, reading The Death of Ivan Ilyich and thinking about grad school.
即使在那间昏暗的必胜客店里，我也会坐在后面的泡菜桶上，读着《伊凡·伊里奇之死》，想着读研究生。
In other words, when I strayed, I knew it.
换句话说，当我迷失时，我知道。
David's problem is that he doesn't know normal.
大卫的问题是他不知道正常。
That's how he could live in squalor with my mother, drunk on the couch for a month, and not call the paramedics.
这就是为什么他可以和我母亲一起生活在肮脏的环境中，在沙发上喝醉了一个月，而不打电话给护理人员。
It's not his fault he doesn't know that people require medical attention when their skin turns yellow.
这不是他的错，他不知道人们在皮肤变黄时需要医疗护理。
He'd seen things like that many times before.
这样的事情他以前见过很多次了。
I can't even begin to describe how it feels to have to pick your mom up off the floor or have to wipe up her blood.
我什至无法描述将你妈妈从地板上抱起来或擦掉她的血的感觉。
I mean, Mom has hit her head on so many things at this point-- edge of a bad, a couch, the floor, the cement, those little cement rails that they put in front of a parking space that says your number on it.
我的意思是，妈妈此时已经碰上了很多东西——坏的边缘、沙发、地板、水泥、他们放在停车位前的那些小水泥栏杆，上面写着你的号码。
Yeah, all of those.
是的，所有这些。
Oh, man.
哦，伙计。
That's rough.
这很粗糙。
David Parks I mean, there's been plenty of times when she hit the back of her head and was bleeding profusely all over her pillows and everything else, and you have to be the one to stand there and keep the pressure on it, you know what I mean?
大卫·帕克斯 我的意思是，有很多次她的后脑勺被撞到，枕头和其他地方都流血了，你必须站在那里并保持压力，你知道我的意思吗？
You were telling me before about how, when you're in that home, when you're growing up with Mom and them, especially up in Minnesota with Mark, and you're just surrounded by alcoholics, and then probably even down here, where you just get to this point where you feel like that's normal.
你之前告诉过我，当你在那个家里，当你和妈妈和他们一起长大，特别是和马克一起在明尼苏达州，你周围都是酗酒者，然后甚至可能在这里，你会到了你觉得这很正常的地步。
Yeah.
是的。
It would seem like everything is just normal.
似乎一切都很正常。
Everything is cool.
一切都很酷。
No big deal.
没什么大不了的。
You can come and look at the house and be like, what the [BLEEP] is going on here?
你可以过来看看房子，然后想，这里发生了什么[BLEEP]？
Right.
对。
Well, the only thing, actually, that I have to say has kept me grounded was you and Ethan and other people in the family who are living somewhat normal lives compared to what I saw every day in the house.
好吧，事实上，唯一让我脚踏实地的是你和伊森以及家里的其他人，与我每天在房子里看到的相比，他们过着正常的生活。
And hearing about just the things that you talk about, things that Ethan talks about, the way that normal people integrate-- that has kept me grounded to where I knew that what was going on with me wasn't normal.
听到你谈论的事情、伊森谈论的事情、正常人融入的方式——这让我脚踏实地，我知道我身上发生的事情是不正常的。
So part of me has always wanted to become just like a normal member of society and do what everybody else does, but I know that's never possible for me.
所以我的一部分一直想成为一个普通的社会成员，做其他人做的事情，但我知道这对我来说永远不可能。
I mean, it's possible for me to come close to that, but I know I'll never be, you know, fully there because I started the race like 10 seconds after the gun went off.
我的意思是，我有可能接近这个目标，但我知道我永远不会完全达到那个目标，因为我在枪响后 10 秒就开始了比赛。
That's when I started to run.
就在那时我开始跑步。
Exactly.
正是如此。
Josh Bearman It's four months after I first arrived in Florida.
乔希·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman） 我第一次到达佛罗里达已经四个月了。
My mom is still in the nursing home.
我妈妈还在疗养院里。
We're still waiting to hear from Medicaid.
我们仍在等待医疗补助的消息。
And I'm still trying to convince her to go into a substance abuse program.
我仍在努力说服她参加药物滥用计划。
Then I get a call from the nursing home.
然后我接到疗养院打来的电话。
My mother had been caught smoking in her room.
我母亲被发现在她的房间里抽烟。
It's a small infraction in the scheme of things, but it's against the rules, I guess.
这是对事情计划的一个小违规，但我想这是违反规则的。
I fight with the administration, but they still give her 30 days to move out.
我与政府抗争，但他们仍然给她 30 天的时间搬走。
David and I take her to the only place she can go, the condo at Century Village, which has been empty since David started staying at his girlfriend's, and has slid back into disorder.
大卫和我带她去了她唯一能去的地方，世纪村的公寓，自从大卫开始住在他女朋友家以来，那里就一直空着，现在又陷入了混乱。
I'm thirsty.
我渴了。
Josh Bearman You're not going to go drink that soda in there, are you?
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman）：你不会去喝那里的苏打水吧？
Yes, I am.
是的，我是。
Josh Bearman No, that soda-- no.
乔希·贝尔曼 不，那瓶苏打水——不。
What do you know?
你知道什么？
Josh Bearman The soda is ancient.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman） 苏打水是一种古老的饮料。
And the fridge is filled with roaches.
冰箱里满是蟑螂。
Why don't you take a look and see what's in here?
你为什么不看看这里有什么？
Dead roaches everywhere.
到处都是死蟑螂。
Little baby roaches.
小蟑螂宝宝。
Well, they're dead.
好吧，他们死了。
Josh Bearman That's my mother.
乔什·贝尔曼 那是我的母亲。
Adaptable, as usual, but oblivious to the big picture.
像往常一样适应能力强，但忽视了大局。
Luckily, David is a little more stable now, with a job over at Marshall's.
幸运的是，大卫现在稳定了一些，在马歇尔公司找到了一份工作。
When he and I go out to the car to get Mom's stuff, we try to figure out what to do.
当他和我出去开车去拿妈妈的东西时，我们试图弄清楚该怎么做。
Right now, we're back to square one, right where she was right before this all got completely [BLEEP] out of control.
现在，我们又回到了原点，就在这一切完全[哔]失控之前她所在的位置。
And all it takes--
而这一切都需要——
Yeah, I know.
是的，我知道。
I thought the same thing to myself, too.
我自己也这么想。
And the funny thing is that right now, all it takes is the wind to blow the wrong way and everything is right back to that same [BLEEP] because, obviously, she's going to be tempted to drink.
有趣的是，现在，只要风吹错方向，一切都会回到同样的[哔]声，因为，显然，她会想喝酒。
It's hard to feel like all these months have accomplished anything, even when, the next day, a spot miraculously opens at a subsidized sober living place not that far away.
很难感觉这几个月已经取得了任何成就，即使第二天，不远的一个受补贴的清醒生活场所奇迹般地出现了一个位置。
Of course, my mother doesn't want to go.
当然，我妈妈不想去。
We spend hours arguing about it.
我们花了几个小时争论这个问题。
Her excuses are very frustrating.
她的借口非常令人沮丧。
The pace will be too fast.
节奏会太快。
She doesn't have the right clothes.
她没有合适的衣服。
She works better on her own.
她一个人工作得更好。
In other words, just another version of the same argument I've been having with her for the past four months.
换句话说，这只是过去四个月里我与她发生的同一争论的另一个版本。
Josh, you don't seem to understand that I have physical, concrete, physical limitations, which I think are going to make it very difficult for me to run the pace of a residential program, where you have to go from this appointment to this appointment to this appointment, back for a meeting, da, da, da, da, da.
乔什，你似乎不明白我有身体上的、具体的、身体上的限制，我认为这会让我很难按照住宅项目的节奏进行，你必须从这个约会到这个约会再到这个约会，再回来开会，哒，哒，哒，哒，哒。
Well, I don't-- I don't know why-- hold on a second.
好吧，我不——我不知道为什么——等一下。
You decided you're ready for change, but then you're angry and fighting at every step of the way when we're trying to figure out the plan for yourself.
你决定准备好改变，但当我们试图为你自己制定计划时，你却在每一步都感到愤怒和争吵。
You said you had a plan for yourself.
你说你为自己制定了计划。
What's the plan?
计划是什么？
The plan is to take care of my body, my mind, and my spirit.
该计划是为了照顾我的身体、思想和精神。
But that is not an actual-- that doesn't specify what you're going to do.
但这不是实际的——它没有指定你要做什么。
How are you going to do that?
你打算怎么做？
You're going to come back here?
你要回到这里吗？
Well, I own this place.
好吧，我拥有这个地方。
I think I ought to come.
我想我应该来。
Well, how are you going to get your stuff?
好吧，你要怎么拿你的东西？
This is-- right now, if you don't go into the sober living place tomorrow, we're at square one.
这是——现在，如果你明天不进入清醒的生活场所，我们就处于第一方。
We're back in January.
我们一月份回来了。
You're going to be here--
你会在这里——
Oh, I don't think that.
哦，我不这么认为。
Josh Bearman You are sitting in the place where you almost died right now.
乔什·贝尔曼（Josh Bearman）你现在正坐在你差点死掉的地方。
Josh, I'm barely able to get from point A to point B, and it takes me forever to do everything.
乔希，我几乎无法从 A 点到达 B 点，而且我要花很长时间才能完成所有事情。
I understand.
我明白了。
So why would you want to do that at home, alone, by yourself, with no resources, no transportation, no way to do anything for yourself?
那么，为什么你想在家里独自一人、没有资源、没有交通工具、没有办法为自己做任何事情呢？
Why is that better?
为什么这样更好？
I don't know.
我不知道。
I'm not sure.
我不确定。
I'm not sure.
我不确定。
That last recording is from a year ago.
最后一次录音是一年前的。
My mother ended up going to the facility, but she only lasted a few weeks.
我母亲最终去了该机构，但她只坚持了几周。
She's back at the condo now, where neither of our predictions have come true.
她现在回到了公寓，我们的预测都没有实现。
She's drinking again, sporadically, but the house hasn't descended into chaos, either.
她又开始偶尔喝酒了，但家里也没有陷入混乱。
David's back there, too.
大卫也回来了。
After a few more brushes with the law, David managed to complete all the requirements of his probation.
经过几次触犯法律后，大卫成功完成了缓刑的所有要求。
He's now looking for another job to save up some money to get back in the studio for a demo.
他现在正在寻找另一份工作，以便攒点钱回到工作室进行演示。
He's even talking seriously about going back to school.
他甚至在认真地谈论重返学校的事情。
Together, they're maintaining.
他们一起维护。
My mother is more broke than ever, but she's not homeless or dead.
我的母亲比以往任何时候都更破产，但她并没有无家可归或死了。
Still, it's hard to let go of the notion that I could save my mother or convince her to change, to realize that this might be what salvation looks like for her.
尽管如此，我还是很难放弃这样的想法：我可以拯救我的母亲或说服她改变，意识到这可能就是她的救赎。
At least for now.
至少现在是这样。
Nothing is getting better.
一切都没有好转。
But if it gets worse, I'm sure they'll call me.
但如果情况变得更糟，我相信他们会打电话给我。
Josh Bearman.
乔什·贝尔曼.
He lives in Los Angeles.
他住在洛杉矶。
His mom passed away in 2012.
他的母亲于 2012 年去世。
He did a story about that for our show, which you can find at our website.
他为我们的节目做了一个关于这个的故事，您可以在我们的网站上找到它。
That's Josh's brother, AKA DJ Scraps.
那是乔什的兄弟，又名 DJ Scraps。
Today's program was produced by Alex Blumberg and myself, with Jane Marie, Sarah Koenig, Lisa Pollak, Alissa Shipp, and Nancy Updike.
今天的节目由 Alex Blumberg 和我本人以及 Jane Marie、Sarah Koenig、Lisa Pollak、Alissa Shipp 和 Nancy Updike 共同制作。
Production help for today's show by Emmanuel Dzotsi.
Emmanuel Dzotsi 为今天的节目提供制作帮助。
Our technical director is Matt Tierney.
我们的技术总监是马特·蒂尔尼。
Our staff includes Elise Bergerson, Emily Condon, Kimberly Henderson, and Seth Lind.
我们的员工包括 Elise Bergerson、Emily Condon、Kimberly Henderson 和 Seth Lind。
Music help from Jessica Hopper.
杰西卡·霍珀的音乐帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] As I said before in today's show, this show was originally broadcast in 2007.
[致谢] 正如我之前在今天的节目中所说，该节目最初于 2007 年播出。
Vince Homenick and Norman Goodman, who you heard at the beginning of the show, they're still around, but they have retired from their job getting jurors into New York juries.
文斯·霍姆尼克和诺曼·古德曼，你在节目开始时就听说过，他们仍然存在，但他们已经从让陪审员进入纽约陪审团的工作中退休了。
Our website, thisamericanlife.org.
我们的网站 thisamericanlife.org。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, to our program's co-found, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的共同创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
You know, he's giving tours now of the This American Life offices.
你知道，他现在正在参观《This American Life》的办公室。
Judy's the one that has the cute little shoes.
朱迪拥有那双可爱的小鞋子。
And here's the lady who takes her clothes off all the time.
这是一位总是脱衣服的女士。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life .
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
This American Life This American Life 与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。