328: What I Learned from Television - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #328 | May 2, 2008 328: What I Learned from Television Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 328 集 | 2008 年 5 月 2 日 328：我从电视中学到的东西 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass So what are we going to make of television anyway?
序言 Ira Glass 那么我们到底要如何看待电视呢？
I think the most interesting idea you hear about television right now is this idea that right now-- all of us-- we are living through the golden age of television, that this is the kind of golden age that people are going to look back on years from now, the way we look back on the '20s and '30s as the heyday of jazz, or the '70s as the heyday for a certain kind of movie.
我认为你现在听到的关于电视的最有趣的想法是这样的想法：现在——我们所有人——都生活在电视的黄金时代，这是人们几年后回顾的黄金时代，就像我们回顾20世纪30年代爵士乐的全盛时期，或者70年代作为某种电影的全盛时期一样。
What's exciting is that the conventions of TV seemed to be changing all the time and expanding.
令人兴奋的是，电视的惯例似乎一直在变化和扩展。
That's J.J.
那是 J.J.
Abrams, one of the creators of Lost , and Alias , and Felicity .
艾布拉姆斯是《迷失》、《双面女间谍》和《费莉西蒂》的创作者之一。
And he says the same thing that lots of people in TV say, that because network television audiences go down every year-- because of the Internet, because of video games, because of competition from cable-- what we have is a situation where the big networks are scrambling to keep audiences.
他说的和许多电视界人士说的一样，因为网络电视观众每年都在下降——因为互联网、因为电子游戏、因为有线电视的竞争——我们面临的情况是大型电视网都在争先恐后地留住观众。
And then there are dozens of cable channels that are competing for those audiences, which has led to this period of incredible experimentation.
然后有数十个有线电视频道正在争夺这些观众，这导致了这段令人难以置信的实验。
Networks realize in the increasing, desperate need to grab an audience, that they need to do things that stand out, that are unique, that are different, stories and series that will generate discussion.
网络公司意识到，他们越来越迫切地需要吸引观众，他们需要做一些突出的、独特的、与众不同的事情，需要能够引发讨论的故事和系列。
And so there is this climate where people are just trying different stuff.
因此，在这种氛围下，人们只是尝试不同的东西。
And as a result, in any given week there are probably at least two great shows on the air.
因此，任何一周都可能至少有两场精彩的节目在播出。
And then another bunch of shows that are just kind of interesting.
然后还有另外一堆有趣的节目。
So you've got The Daily Show , and The Office , and Friday Night Lights , and South Park , and Intervention , and Project Runway and 30 Rock -- just a lot of interesting stuff out there.
所以你有《每日秀》、《办公室》、《星期五夜灯》、《南方公园》、《干预》、《天桥骄子》和《30 Rock》——还有很多有趣的东西。
Though of course, not everybody feels that TV is so great.
当然，并不是每个人都觉得电视那么棒。
When the television version of our radio show first premiered in 2007, we took our show on a six-city tour-- to Boston, New York, Minneapolis, Chicago, Seattle, and Los Angeles.
当我们广播节目的电视版于 2007 年首次首播时，我们带着节目进行了六个城市的巡回演出——波士顿、纽约、明尼阿波利斯、芝加哥、西雅图和洛杉矶。
And when I would mention to the crowd that we, ourselves, had just finished shooting a television show, it sometimes got a little chilly.
当我向人群提到我们自己刚刚完成电视节目的拍摄时，有时会变得有点冷。
In Minneapolis, a guy actually yelled, "Judas."
在明尼阿波利斯，一个人实际上大喊“犹大”。
There are a lot of people who think that television is terrible, that it's bad for kids, it's bad for American politics, it's the cause of all kinds of problems in this country.
有很多人认为电视很糟糕，它对孩子们不利，对美国政治不利，它是这个国家各种问题的根源。
And so, with this disagreement all around us, we decided to tackle the subject head on.
因此，鉴于我们周围存在这种分歧，我们决定正面解决这个问题。
Television is at the center of our culture.
电视是我们文化的中心。
It's hard to avoid.
这是很难避免的。
What does it do to us anyway?
它对我们有什么作用呢？
Well, from WBEZ Chicago it's This American Life , distributed by Public Radio International.
嗯，来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的节目是《美国生活》，由国际公共广播电台发行。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Our show today-- on this weekend when we begin the second season of our television show-- What We Learned from Television.
我们今天的节目——在这个周末，我们开始电视节目第二季——我们从电视中学到了什么。
Our show was recorded in front of live audiences on the six-city tour in 2007.
我们的节目是在 2007 年六城市巡演中在现场观众面前录制的。
Our show in four acts-- Act One, 29.
我们的演出分为四幕——第一幕，29。
David Rackoff-- like a wild child raised in the woods, a foreigner to our people-- tries TV for the first time since he was a child.
大卫·拉科夫——就像一个在树林里长大的野孩子，对我们的人民来说是个外国人——从小就第一次尝试看电视。
Act Two, Turkeys in Pilgrim Clothing, Sarah Vowell examines what happens when TV takes on a project it really has no business taking on at all.
第二幕《朝圣者服装中的火鸡》莎拉·沃威尔探讨了当电视承担一个它根本不该承担的项目时会发生什么。
Act Three, Radio on the TV.
第三幕，电视广播。
In that act, a few words about what I've personally learned about television during the first year in which I worked on a television show myself.
在那一幕中，我简要介绍了我在自己参与电视节目的第一年中所学到的有关电视的个人知识。
Act Four, My Other Dog's a German Shepherd.
第四幕，我的另一只狗是德国牧羊犬。
In that act, Dan Savage-- a syndicated sex-columnist and podcaster who is not put off by dirty content-- finds something so filthy, so weird, and perverted on television that he doesn't want his son to watch it.
在那一幕中，丹·萨维奇（Dan Savage）——一位不被肮脏内容吓倒的联合性专栏作家和播客——在电视上发现了一些如此肮脏、如此奇怪和变态的东西，以至于他不想让他的儿子看到它。
And it's a kid's show made for children.
这是一个为孩子们制作的儿童节目。
On our six-city tour, we were lucky enough to travel with a band that we love, the Mates of State-- Kori Gardner and Jason Hammel.
在我们的六座城市巡演中，我们很幸运能够与我们喜爱的乐队——国家之友——科里·加德纳 (Kori Gardner) 和杰森·哈梅尔 (Jason Hammel) 一起旅行。
So you'll be hearing from them too.
所以您也会收到他们的来信。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, 29.
第一幕，29。
We were curious how somebody who hasn't seen TV in a while would react to the cornucopia of stuff that is on today.
我们很好奇，一段时间没有看电视的人会对今天播出的大量内容有何反应。
And so we turned to David Rakoff.
所以我们求助于大卫·拉科夫。
David Rakoff pretty much stopped watching television when he got out of college 20 years ago.
20 年前，大卫·拉科夫 (David Rakoff) 大学毕业后就几乎不再看电视了。
We asked him to watch 29 hours-- any channels, any shows-- and tell us his impressions.
我们让他观看 29 小时——任何频道、任何节目——并告诉我们他的印象。
We chose 29 hours because that is the amount the average American watches in one week.
我们选择 29 小时，因为这是美国人平均一周观看的时间。
[AUDIENCE GASP]
[观众倒吸一口凉气]
Do you guys not live in the United States of America?
你们不住在美利坚合众国吗？
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER] You literally gasped.
[观众笑声] 你真的喘不过气来。
David has this report.
大卫有这份报告。
Television and I broke up a long time ago.
我和电视台很早以前就分手了。
Before this assignment, it would have taken me at least four months to watch 29 hours of TV.
在这项任务之前，我至少需要四个月才能看29个小时的电视。
I know how that sounds-- smarmy, superior, like one of those people who looks down on others for watching television and says things like, "Well, I enjoy Nova ."
我知道这听起来怎么样——阿谀奉承、高人一等，就像那些看不起别人看电视的人，并说“嗯，我喜欢诺瓦”之类的话。
It's not that I'm above the medium.
这并不是说我高于媒介。
It's that I can't be trusted around television.
就是在电视上我不能被信任。
Watching television was forbidden when I was a child, a tactic which anyone knows only results in raising an addict.
当我还是个孩子的时候，看电视是被禁止的，任何人都知道这种策略只会导致孩子上瘾。
When my parents weren't around, I secretly watched it all.
当父母不在的时候，我偷偷地观看了这一切。
I had no standards, no filter.
我没有标准，没有过滤器。
I loved everything.
我喜欢一切。
These days my set lives in the closet.
这些天我的设备放在壁橱里。
Yeah, the cheap metaphor of that isn't lost on me.
是的，我并没有忘记这个廉价的比喻。
Television is my secret shame.
电视是我秘密的耻辱。
And that was fine with me until Alex Blumberg-- my producer from This American Life -- called and offered to set me up with cable for this story.
这对我来说没什么问题，直到《美国生活》的制片人亚历克斯·布隆伯格打电话给我，并提出为我安排这个故事的有线电视。
My friends were a little too excited about the news.
我的朋友们对这个消息有点太兴奋了。
When I tell Jodi that I'm getting cable, she is as thrilled as if I'd told her I'd just fallen in love.
当我告诉乔迪我要收有线电视时，她很兴奋，就像我告诉她我刚刚坠入爱河一样。
"Thank God," she says, "Now we'll have something to talk about."
“感谢上帝，”她说，“现在我们有话可说了。”
Had I really been such terrible company?
我真的是这么糟糕的伙伴吗？
I know, of course I was.
我知道，我当然是。
I am terrible company.
我是一个糟糕的公司。
I can be a joyless, little rain cloud of a thing.
我可以是一个无趣的、小雨云一样的东西。
But was I terrible company because I didn't have cable?
但我是不是因为没有有线电视而成为糟糕的伙伴？
Does that explain everything that is wrong with me?
这能解释我身上的一切问题吗？
All the therapy, the brief experimentation with serotonin reuptake inhibitors, all that money thrown away, when all the while help lay on the other end of an 800 number at Time Warner Cable.
所有的治疗、血清素再摄取抑制剂的简短实验、所有的钱都被浪费掉了，而与此同时，时代华纳有线的 800 号码的另一端却一直在提供帮助。
The installation guy arrives and sets me up.
安装人员来了并给我进行了安装。
And I gingerly settle into my new life as a Nielsen family of one.
我小心翼翼地融入尼尔森一家人的新生活。
Things don't begin well.
事情的开始并不顺利。
I go looking for Project Runway and find instead that the channel has been taken over by a show called The Real Housewives of Orange County.
我去寻找《天桥骄子》，却发现该频道已被一个名为“奥兰治县的真正家庭主妇”的节目接管。
It's an all-day marathon.
这是一场全天的马拉松。
And yet, nothing happens.
然而，什么也没有发生。
It is like watching paint dry-- stupid, shallow, fake-breasted, Republican paint.
这就像看着油漆变干——愚蠢、浅薄、假胸、共和党的油漆。
It seems that in the intervening years of TV-lessness I've gotten the monkey off of my back a little bit too well.
看来，在没有电视的那几年里，我已经把猴子从我的背上卸下来了，有点太好了。
I can't keep the housewives on for longer than eight minutes before I have to turn it off.
我不能让家庭主妇打开超过八分钟，然后我就必须把它关掉。
And for the next few days, I do anything but watch television.
在接下来的几天里，我什么都不做，就是不看电视。
That's right.
这是正确的。
I procrastinate from watching television.
我因看电视而拖延。
I bake bread-- three loaves.
我烤面包——三个面包。
I clean my apartment.
我打扫我的公寓。
I make meals and take them to sick people.
我做饭并把它们带给病人。
I even write.
我什至写。
I am procrastinating from TV by doing my job.
我因为做我的工作而拖延了看电视的时间。
Alex, my producer, calls about a week later to see how it's all going.
大约一周后，我的制作人亚历克斯打电话来询问一切进展如何。
He can hear the suspicious lack of television in the background.
他可以听到背景中可疑的电视消失声。
"Aren't you supposed to be working?" he asks.
“你不是应该在工作吗？”他问道。
I tell him, "I don't want to be that curmudgeonly guy inveighing against the kids with their rock and roll music, but I'm appalled by what I've seen so far.
我告诉他，“我不想成为那个用摇滚音乐攻击孩子们的脾气暴躁的人，但我对迄今为止所看到的感到震惊。
He listens patiently to my Rip Van Winkle just-up-from-his-nap jeremiad explaining how I've missed the reality TV moment, how my muscles of appreciation for the form aren't developed.
他耐心地听我的瑞普·范·温克尔 (Rip Van Winkle) 刚从午睡中醒来时发出的哀叹，解释我是如何错过电视真人秀的时刻，以及我对这种形式的欣赏能力是如何没有发展起来的。
He talks me down.
他让我失望。
And even as he is doing so, I know how ridiculous I am being.
即使他这样做，我也知道我是多么可笑。
Who needs to be talked down from watching TV?
谁需要在看电视时被劝阻？
I get over myself, and I wade back in and actually watch entire programs.
我克服了自己，然后又重新观看了整个节目。
I even enjoy some of the things I see, enjoy them immensely.
我什至喜欢我所看到的一些东西，非常喜欢它们。
Kyra Sedgwick is amazing on The Closer , and Lisa Kudrow's almost unendurable humiliation in The Comeback-- to name just two.
凯拉·塞奇威克在《罪案终结》中表现出色，丽莎·库卓在《卷土重来》中几乎难以忍受的羞辱——仅举两例。
I would drink Jon Stewart's bath water.
我会喝乔恩·斯图尔特的洗澡水。
And Channel 93-- New York City public access-- is nothing but a mesmerizing, silent traffic camera at the corner of Canal Street and the West Side Highway.
而 93 频道——纽约市的公共频道——只不过是运河街和西区高速公路拐角处的一个令人着迷的、安静的交通摄像头。
It is as pretty as waves.
它像波浪一样美丽。
I would happily fill out the rest of my quota watching just this.
我很乐意看着这个完成剩余的配额。
Do I sound like Bambi sniffing a flower?
我听起来像小鹿斑比在嗅花吗？
Well, my TV forest is suddenly new and filled with wonder and discovery.
嗯，我的电视森林突然焕然一新，充满了惊奇和发现。
I stumble upon an Evangelical channel called, Pray.
我偶然发现了一个福音派频道，名为“祈祷”。
And hallelujah, they are showing All About Eve , a movie I love and know virtually by heart.
哈利路亚，他们正在放映《关于夏娃的一切》，一部我喜欢并且几乎熟记在心的电影。
It seems an odd choice for an Evangelical channel.
对于福音派频道来说，这似乎是一个奇怪的选择。
The characters all swill gin, sleep around, and work in the theater.
角色们都喝杜松子酒、到处睡觉、在剧院工作。
And I feel safe in saying that of all the prayers out there in the ether that the Pray channel most hopes to answer, those of an aging, Jewish, homosexual movie buff in New York City trolling around for something to watch on TV aren't really high on that list.
我可以放心地说，在祈祷频道最希望得到回应的所有祈祷中，纽约市一位上了年纪的犹太同性恋电影迷在电视上四处寻找可以看的东西的祈祷并不是真正名列前茅的。
It also doesn't sit very well with Alex, who calls the next week.
亚历克斯也不太同意，他下周打电话来。
When I proudly tell him that I've upped my tally to eight hours, he seems unimpressed, pointing out that I am two weeks and 21 hours behind schedule.
当我自豪地告诉他我已将统计时间增加到 8 小时时，他似乎不为所动，指出我比计划晚了两周零 21 小时。
And in fact, he docks me two hours, saying that a movie I've seen over 30 times doesn't count.
事实上，他扣了我两个小时，说我看过三十遍以上的电影不算。
Homophobe.
恐同者。
The purpose of the exercise, it seems, is to watch television.
看来练习的目的是看电视。
Well, I can't do that.
嗯，我不能那样做。
Clearly I need a guide through this underworld, someone who truly loves the medium.
显然，我需要一个真正热爱媒介的人来穿越这个地下世界。
I call up Jodi and I invite her over.
我打电话给乔迪并邀请她过来。
I will cook her supper in exchange for some patient instruction.
我将为她做晚饭，以换取一些耐心的指导。
Jodi has been one of my closest friends for 12 years.
12 年来，乔迪一直是我最亲密的朋友之一。
But suddenly, I am as awkward as a schoolboy.
但突然之间，我就像个小学生一样尴尬了。
OK, so should we eat supper at the table?
好吧，那么我们应该在餐桌上吃晚饭吗？
Or should we eat supper in front of the television set?
或者我们应该在电视机前吃晚饭吗？
Is there good TV on now?
现在有好看的电视吗？
Because it's only about 6:40.
因为现在才6点40分左右。
I feel like we're about to have sex.
我感觉我们即将发生性关系。
It's not that complicated.
事情没那么复杂。
We're just watching TV.
我们只是在看电视。
Things begin pleasantly enough.
事情开始得很愉快。
We bop around the dial happily for a while, eventually landing on an MTV program called My Super Sweet 16 .
我们高兴地在表盘上跳了一会儿，最终降落在一个名为“My Super Sweet 16”的 MTV 节目上。
I get into the spirit at first.
我一开始就进入精神状态。
But for a reality virgin like myself, I'm in over my head in short order-- the callow, young sailor on shore leave looking for some tenderness who suddenly finds himself handcuffed to the bed.
但对于像我这样的现实处女来说，我很快就陷入了困境——那个稚气未脱的年轻水手在岸上离开寻找一些温柔，突然发现自己被铐在床上。
This particular episode of My Super Sweet 16 stars a bumptious blond from Tennessee.
《我的超级甜蜜 16 岁》的这一集由来自田纳西州的一位傲慢的金发女郎主演。
They might as well call the show, My Last Birthday Before Rehab .
他们不妨称该节目为“我康复前的最后一个生日”。
She seems an improbable 16, certainly not 16 earth-years because she looks, frankly, 35.
她看起来不太可能是 16 岁，当然不是 16 地球年，因为坦率地说，她看起来 35 岁。
A hard 35.
硬35。
A two ex-husbands, pack a day of Merits, trying her hand at real estate, sun-damaged kind of opening-your-robe-for-the-grocery-delivery-boys 35.
两个前夫，带着一天的功绩，尝试着涉足房地产，晒伤了的那种为杂货店送货员打开你的长袍的感觉 35。
Do you get the picture?
你明白了吗？
When we meet her, she is behind the wheel of a stretch Humvee, which costs upwards of $100,000.
当我们见到她时，她正驾驶着一辆加长悍马车，这辆车的价格高达 10 万美元。
She'd like it for her very own, and indicates this desire to her thuggish, hairy-knuckled father, just the first in what will surely be a series of men during her lifetime she will refer to as "Daddy."
她想要自己拥有这个，并向她凶残、毛茸茸的父亲表达了这种愿望，这只是她一生中肯定会称为“爸爸”的一系列男人中的第一个。
I looked over at Jodi , and she's having a great time, whereas I want to tear my eyes from my head and soak them in lye.
我看着乔迪，她玩得很开心，而我却想把眼睛从头上扯下来，把它们浸在碱液里。
"Why do you always add this weird layer to things?" she asks me.
“为什么你总是给东西加上这种奇怪的层？”她问我。
"Doesn't it just remind you of when you were 16?" I am going to the bad place, as is my wont.
“这难道不让你回想起16岁的时候吗？”我要去那个糟糕的地方，这是我的习惯。
Jodi reaches for the remote and dials it down a bit.
乔迪伸手拿起遥控器，把音量调小了一点。
We end up watching the TV equivalent of the vanilla, missionary position-- America's Funniest Home Videos .
我们最终观看了相当于普通传教士姿势的电视节目——美国最有趣的家庭视频。
Oh.
哦。
Jodi Why do they both have sunglasses?
乔迪 为什么他们都戴着墨镜？
Oh.
哦。
Disaster.
灾难。
What was she thinking?
她在想什么？
I am completely embarrassed to admit how incapacitated I am by the home movies of beloved grandmothers falling out of chairs or toddler after toddler bringing entire Christmas trees down upon themselves.
我非常尴尬地承认，我对那些心爱的祖母从椅子上摔下来或一个又一个的幼儿把整棵圣诞树推倒在自己身上的家庭电影感到多么无能为力。
Oh and look at the kitty cat open a cereal box.
哦，看看小猫打开麦片盒。
I am on my sofa laughing like an idiot.
我坐在沙发上笑得像个白痴。
See?
看到了吗？
Oh, look at the excitement you have on your face.
哦，看你脸上的兴奋。
You love America's Funniest Home Videos .
您喜欢美国最有趣的家庭视频。
You should have been introduced to this a week ago.
一周前就应该向您介绍这一点。
Why?
为什么？
You're laughing and you're enjoying yourself.
你在笑，你很享受。
Don't you feel-- Jodi Look, there are tears coming out of your eyes.
你有没有感觉到——乔迪看，你的眼里有泪水。
Embrace it.
拥抱它。
Don't be afraid.
别害怕。
You're trying to act like you weren't just having fun.
你试图表现得好像你不仅仅是在玩。
There are tears on your face.
你的脸上满是泪水。
I've never seen you laugh so hard.
我从来没有见过你笑得这么厉害。
Don't you feel like taking a shower after all of this?
做完这一切之后你不想洗个澡吗？
See?
看到了吗？
It goes back to me feeling like we're going to have sex.
这让我回想起我们要发生性关系的感觉。
No. This is fine.
不，这很好。
What's wrong with enjoying that?
享受这样的事情有什么错呢？
She's right.
她是对的。
Why can't I just let myself enjoy it?
为什么我就不能让自己享受一下呢？
Part of it is that denying pleasure is my middle name.
部分原因是否认快乐是我的中间名。
But Jodi feels that I'm trying to be above it all, that I'm judging her.
但乔迪觉得我试图超越一切，我在评判她。
After all, she spends time at home in front of the television, sometimes with a glass of wine even, just as we're doing.
毕竟，她在家里花时间在电视机前，有时甚至喝一杯酒，就像我们一样。
But there is a seminal difference between Jodi and myself.
但乔迪和我自己之间存在着重大差异。
When she watches TV at home, alone with a drink, she has a husband in the next room.
当她独自在家喝酒看电视时，她的丈夫就在隔壁房间。
When I watch television, I am by myself.
当我看电视时，我一个人。
Watching TV, for me, is a referendum on my loneliness.
对我来说，看电视是对我孤独感的公投。
Having the television on just seems like some desperate simulacrum of company, stuffing the other side of the bed with clothes.
打开电视似乎是一种绝望的陪伴，在床的另一边塞满了衣服。
It is a chilly reality, brought home to me-- with all the force of a frying pan to the face-- by a small item in the New York Times on Sunday the 18th of February.
这是一个冰冷的现实，2 月 18 日星期日《纽约时报》上的一篇小文章让我体会到了这一点——就像煎锅的力量一样。
The article was about how a man, a 70-year-old widower named Vincenzo Ricardo was found in his home, dead.
这篇文章讲述了一名名叫文森佐·里卡多 (Vincenzo Ricardo) 的 70 岁鳏夫在家中被发现死亡的故事。
Officials believed that Mr. Ricardo-- discovered sitting in his chair-- had been dead for more than a year.
官员们认为，被发现坐在椅子上的里卡多先生已经去世一年多了。
He was very well preserved, mummified, by the hot dry air in his home.
由于家里的干热空气，他被保存得很好，成了木乃伊。
Air, no doubt made even hotter and drier by the fact that for the entire year plus that Mr. Vincenzo sat stiff and expired in his recliner, his television was on.
毫无疑问，空气变得更加炎热和干燥，因为整整一年，加上文森佐先生僵硬地坐在躺椅上，他的电视一直开着。
There was apparently a study recently that showed that people who watch episodic television-- following a set of characters on an ongoing basis-- experienced many of the same positive effects that people derive from having friends, actual friends.
最近显然有一项研究表明，观看连续剧的人——持续关注一组角色——经历了许多与人们从拥有朋友、真正的朋友中获得的相同的积极影响。
TV is a friend, one might conclude.
人们可能会得出这样的结论：电视是一位朋友。
Well, call me old-fashioned, but the minimum of true friendship strikes me as being-- at the very least-- the capacity for one friend to look over at another and be able to say, hey buddy, how are you doing?
好吧，你可以说我很守旧，但真正的友谊最起码的让我印象深刻的是——至少——一个朋友能够看着另一个朋友，并能够说，嘿，伙计，你好吗？
Do you want me to call 911 or something?
你要我打 911 之类的吗？
Because you're looking a little-- oh, I don't know-- dead.
因为你看起来有点——哦，我不知道——死气沉沉。
I suppose I would just rather be authentically alone than wait around in vain for Jennifer Garner to come over and give me the Heimlich maneuver.
我想我宁愿真正独自一人，也不愿徒劳地等待詹妮弗·加纳过来给我进行海姆立克急救法。
My producer, Alex, thought that was too negative a note on which to end this story, that there needed to be some moment of uplift, some edifying public radio insight.
我的制片人亚历克斯认为以这种方式结束这个故事太过消极，需要有一些令人振奋的时刻，一些有启发性的公共广播见解。
Alex suggested that what I've learned from this experience is that it is not TV that I hate so much as the fellow watching it, that I won't truly love television until I love myself.
亚历克斯表示，我从这次经历中学到的是，我讨厌的不是电视，而是观看电视的人，除非我爱自己，否则我不会真正喜欢电视。
Perhaps he is right.
也许他是对的。
I canceled the cable.
我取消了电缆。
David Rakoff.
大卫·拉考夫.
His latest book, Don't Get Too Comfortable.
他的最新著作《别太舒服》。
[MUSIC- "LIKE U CRAZY" BY MATES OF STATE]
[音乐-国家伙伴的“LIKE U CRAZY”]
Mates of State.
国家伙伴。
Act Two: Turkeys In Pilgrim Clothing Ira Glass Act Two, Turkey's in Pilgrim Clothing.
第二幕：穿着朝圣服装的火鸡 艾拉·格拉斯 第二幕，穿着朝圣服装的火鸡。
I think, actually, some really interesting moments of television come when a show attempts something that it never normally does, and especially, I think, when a comedy show decides it's going to get serious.
我认为，实际上，当一个节目尝试一些通常不会做的事情时，电视中就会出现一些非常有趣的时刻，特别是，我认为，当一部喜剧节目决定变得严肃起来时。
Do you know what I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
Like think about when Letterman talked to his own audience about September 11, or when he talked about his own heart attack, or, going back a ways, MASH killing off one of its own characters.
想想当莱特曼向自己的听众谈论 9 月 11 日时，或者当他谈论自己的心脏病发作时，或者，回顾过去，MASH 杀死了自己的一个角色。
When shows like that do that, it's moving and it's powerful.
当这样的节目做到这一点时，它是令人感动的，也是强大的。
And it reminds you of what is great about those shows.
它会让您想起这些节目的精彩之处。
But when a comedy show decides to get serious, it can also lead to Gary Coleman sitting on Nancy Reagan's knee and saying no to drugs.
但当一部喜剧节目决定变得严肃起来时，它也可能导致加里·科尔曼坐在南希·里根的膝盖上，对毒品说不。
It's embarrassing.
真尴尬。
And it reminds you what is incredibly dumb about the shows.
它提醒你这些节目的愚蠢之处。
So what happens when comedies decide to take on the rather serious history of the United States of America?
那么，当喜剧决定呈现美利坚合众国相当严肃的历史时，会发生什么呢？
How do they do?
他们怎么样？
Well, for insight into that, we turn to an expert, Sarah Vowell, who's in the middle of researching and writing a history of the pilgrims and puritans in America and who has reviewed the key TV episodes that handle this same material.
好吧，为了深入了解这一点，我们求助于专家莎拉·沃威尔（Sarah Vowell），她正在研究和撰写美国朝圣者和清教徒的历史，并且回顾了处理相同材料的关键电视剧集。
Please welcome Sarah Vowell.
欢迎莎拉·沃威尔。
I was in third grade when I saw the Happy Days Thanksgiving episode, and I loved it.
当我看到感恩节快乐时光这一集时，我正在三年级，我很喜欢它。
The whole cast was in pilgrim costumes.
整个演员都穿着朝圣者的服装。
So that was great.
所以那太好了。
And Joanie Cunningham complains that, "Being a pilgrim sure is a drageth." And the Fonz says things like, "Greetethamundo." Not to brag, but by third grade I was a veteran of four Thanksgiving pageants and considered myself to be something of a Mayflower expert.
乔安妮·坎宁安 (Joanie Cunningham) 抱怨道：“做一名朝圣者确实是一件苦差事。” Fonz 会说“Greetethamundo”之类的话。不是吹牛，但到三年级时，我已经是四次感恩节选美比赛的老手了，并认为自己是五月花号专家。
Or so I thought, up until the moment Joanie leaves the room and her goody-goody brother, Richie, asks, "Father, are you letting her go out like that?
至少我是这么想的，直到乔安妮离开房间的那一刻，她的好兄弟里奇问道：“父亲，你就让她就这么出去吗？
Have you seen her skirt?
你见过她的裙子吗？
It's up to her ankles." I remember sitting there and watching that and realizing for the first of many times, oh, maybe the people who founded this country were kind of crazy.
这取决于她的脚踝。”我记得坐在那里看着这一幕，第一次意识到，哦，也许创建这个国家的人有点疯狂。
There are actually a surprising number of sitcoms that have done episodes set in 17th century New England, even though 17th century New England is all situation and no comedy.
事实上，有数量惊人的情景喜剧以 17 世纪新英格兰为背景，尽管 17 世纪新英格兰全是情境，没有喜剧。
Here's how Mayflower passenger William Bradford described the pilgrims' first few months after arriving in Plymouth in 1620.
以下是五月花号乘客威廉·布拉德福德 (William Bradford) 描述朝圣者 1620 年抵达普利茅斯后最初几个月的经历。
"Being ye depth of winter and wanting houses and other comforts, being infected with ye scurvie and other diseases which this long voyage had brought upon them, there died sometimes two or three a day."
“由于正值深冬，需要住房和其他舒适设施，又感染了坏血病和长途航行带来的其他疾病，有时一天就会有两三个人死亡。”
Half of them died in the first year.
其中一半人在第一年就死亡了。
Half.
一半。
Starvation, lack of shelter, and-- this is appalling when you really think about it-- these were people with the farming skills of Mr. Magoo.
饥饿、缺乏住所，而且——仔细想想，这真是令人震惊——这些人拥有马古先生的农耕技术。
And if that weren't enough, they were religious zealots.
如果这还不够，他们还是宗教狂热分子。
So they believed they deserved every misfortune visited upon them, because their beloved God apparently decided their lives should suck just a little bit more.
所以他们相信他们所遭受的每一次不幸都是他们应得的，因为他们心爱的上帝显然决定他们的生活应该再糟糕一点。
Yet the Puritan episode is a sitcom staple, maybe because TV networks have to broadcast something on Thanksgiving.
然而《清教徒》这一集是情景喜剧的主要内容，也许是因为电视网络必须在感恩节播出一些内容。
But even when a sitcom is trying to be about something bigger-- like history, or teen pregnancy, or underage drinking-- sitcoms are like people, they're self-absorbed.
但即使情景喜剧试图讲述更大的事情——比如历史、青少年怀孕或未成年人饮酒——情景喜剧就像人一样，他们是自我陶醉的。
What they're most interested in is themselves.
他们最感兴趣的是他们自己。
And when they do history, they always put their own characters at the center of the story.
当他们写历史时，他们总是把自己的人物放在故事的中心。
Mr. Ed, the talking horse, tells the tale of the pilgrim horse who saved the first Thanksgiving.
会说话的马艾德先生讲述了拯救第一个感恩节的朝圣者马的故事。
And if you were under the impression that the Salem witch trials ended because rich and powerful people started getting accused of witchcraft, think again.
如果您认为塞勒姆女巫审判结束是因为有钱有势的人开始被指控使用巫术，那么请再想一想。
It was Samantha on Bewitched.
这是《迷惑》中的萨曼莎。
Or take that Happy Days Thanksgiving episode in which it's revealed that the person who gave us Thanksgiving was not Squanto or William Bradford but the Fonz.
或者以感恩节快乐时光为例，其中透露给我们感恩节的人不是斯匡托或威廉·布拉德福德，而是丰兹。
That's right, the Fonz.
没错，就是冯兹。
Here's how it went down.
事情是这样的。
All the pilgrims were afraid of the Indians except pilgrim Fonzie, who was their friend.
除了朝圣者方齐（Fonzie）是他们的朋友之外，所有的朝圣者都害怕印第安人。
Then Joanie gets her foot caught in one of Potsie's stupid beaver traps.
然后乔安妮的脚被波西的一个愚蠢的海狸陷阱卡住了。
That Potsie.
那个波西。
But you know that thing Fonzie does with the jukebox?
但你知道方齐用点唱机做的事吗？
Where he whacks it with his fist and the music plays?
他用拳头敲打它，音乐就在哪里响起？
Turns out that works on beaver traps too.
事实证明，这也适用于海狸陷阱。
They open right up.
他们立即打开。
But he won't free Joanie until everyone renounces their racism, and acts nice to the Indians, and invites them to dinner.
但在每个人都放弃种族主义、善待印第安人并邀请他们共进晚餐之前，他不会释放乔安妮。
Fonzie, he's the Martin Luther King of candied yams.
方齐，他是蜜饯山药界的马丁·路德·金。
Mostly sitcom Puritans are rendered in the tone I like to call the boy, people used to be so stupid school of history.
大多数情景喜剧清教徒都是用我喜欢称呼男孩的语气来呈现的，人们曾经是那么愚蠢的历史派。
Bewitched produced not one but two time travel witch trial episodes, one for each Darrin.
《迷惑》制作了不止一部而是两部时间旅行女巫审判剧集，达林一人各一部。
They're both diatribes about tolerance straight out of Arthur Miller's The Crucible , only crappier and with magical nose crinkles.
他们都是直接从阿瑟·米勒的《坩埚》中对宽容的谩骂，只是更蹩脚，而且还带着神奇的鼻子皱纹。
Samantha brings a ballpoint pen with her to 17th century Salem, and the townspeople think it's an instrument of black magic.
萨曼莎带着一支圆珠笔来到 17 世纪的塞勒姆，镇上的人们认为这是一种黑魔法的工具。
So they try her for witchcraft and want to hang her.
所以他们以巫术来审判她，并想绞死她。
I mean, can you believe those barbarian idiots with their cockamamie farce of a legal system, locking people up for fishy reasons and putting their criminals to death?
我的意思是，你能相信那些野蛮的白痴们用他们的法律体系的可笑闹剧，以可疑的理由把人关起来，然后把罪犯处死吗？
Good thing Americans put an end to all that nonsense long ago.
好在美国人早就结束了所有这些废话。
The biggest thing sitcoms gloss over about Plymouth is the most important fact of life there, the suffering.
情景喜剧对普利茅斯最大的掩盖是生活中最重要的事实，即苦难。
But in 1999, there was one sitcom that tried something daring.
但在 1999 年，有一部情景喜剧进行了大胆的尝试。
It included all the normal sitcom characters-- the wacky neighbor, the hard to please mother-in-law, the bumbling dad-- but it also reveled in and dwelled on the grim brutality of life in colonial New England.
它包括所有常见的情景喜剧人物——古怪的邻居、难以取悦的婆婆、笨手笨脚的父亲——但它也陶醉并深入探讨了新英格兰殖民地生活的残酷残酷。
It was set entirely in 1621 Plymouth.
故事完全以 1621 年的普利茅斯为背景。
It was called, Thanks -- as in Thanksgiving, as in thanks a lot.
它被称为“谢谢”——就像感恩节一样，就像非常感谢一样。
I know you never saw it, which is probably why it was canceled after six weeks.
我知道你从未见过它，这可能就是它在六周后被取消的原因。
But I loved it.
但我喜欢它。
Thanks involved two of my favorite, but usually separate, things-- TV and American history-- coming together.
感谢涉及我最喜欢的两个但通常是独立的事物——电视和美国历史——走到一起。
Imagine if you were an avid stamp collector, and you found out that CBS was about to debut its new series, CSI: Philately .
想象一下，如果您是一位狂热的集邮爱好者，并且您发现哥伦比亚广播公司即将推出其新系列《犯罪现场调查：集邮》。
You'd be psyched.
你会很兴奋。
Even the most idealistic and cheerful character on Thanks -- the dad, James Winthrop-- welcomes in the spring saying, "What a beautiful day it is.
即使是《谢谢》中最理想主义、最开朗的角色——父亲詹姆斯·温思罗普——也会在春天的到来时说：“这是多么美好的一天啊。
The snow is melting, everyone out and about airing out their clothes, lugging out their dead." James Winthrop is surely modeled on John Winthrop, the first governor of Massachusetts and author of the famous hopeful sermon about how he and his fellow Englishmen are to be as a city upon a hill.
雪正在融化，每个人都出去晒衣服，拖出死者。”詹姆斯·温思罗普无疑是以约翰·温思罗普为蓝本的，约翰·温思罗普是马萨诸塞州第一任州长，也是著名的充满希望的布道的作者，讲述了他和他的英国同胞如何成为山上之城。
On Thanks that sort of idealism is literally a joke.
在《谢谢》中，这种理想主义简直就是一个笑话。
Says Winthrop, "We're not the kind of people who are easily discouraged by a few snow flurries, a couple of head colds, the 50% mortality rate.
温思罗普说：“我们不是那种容易因为几场雪、几次感冒、50% 的死亡率而灰心丧气的人。
No, we're pilgrims, strong-willed people who never give up.
不，我们是朝圣者，是意志坚强、永不放弃的人。
He's wrong.
他错了。
The only thing his fellow residents of New England want is to get the hell back to old England.
他的新英格兰同胞唯一想要的就是回到老英格兰。
The genius of Thanks was that it was a kind of meta-sitcom, making jokes out of standard sitcom ingredients.
《谢谢》的天才之处在于，它是一种元情景喜剧，用标准情景喜剧的成分来开玩笑。
The funniest ongoing gag involved Abigail-- your typical, sitcom, teenage, bombshell daughter.
最有趣的笑话涉及阿比盖尔——你典型的情景喜剧、十几岁的、重磅炸弹的女儿。
After a disagreement with her parents about boys, she lets loose the sort of routine, girl outburst that's been seen on prime time since the dawn of Gidget.
在与父母在男孩问题上发生分歧后，她释放了自《小玩意》问世以来黄金时段常见的女孩爆发行为。
"I hate my life," she yells.
“我讨厌我的生活，”她喊道。
But where a modern TV teenager would run upstairs and slam the door to her room, the 17th century teenager lives in a tiny, one-room cabin.
但是，现代电视中的青少年会跑上楼，摔上房间的门，而 17 世纪的青少年则住在一间狭小的单间小屋里。
So she can only run about a foot and a half before she throws herself face first onto a bed, right next to the table where everyone would eat if there was any food.
所以她只能跑大约一英尺半，然后脸朝下倒在床上，就在桌子旁边，如果有食物的话，每个人都会吃饭。
Thanks was so refreshing because of its frankness, especially compared to earlier sitcoms.
《谢谢》因其坦率而令人耳目一新，尤其是与早期的情景喜剧相比。
In one scene, Mrs. Winthrop meets Squanto, the famous English-speaking Indian.
在一个场景中，温思罗普夫人遇到了著名的讲英语的印度人斯匡托。
She asks him, "What are you doing in our neck of the woods?"
她问他：“你在我们树林里做什么？”
Squanto answers, "Actually, we like to think of it as our neck of the woods." That's pretty much the whole story right there.
斯匡托回答说：“实际上，我们喜欢将其视为我们的领地。”这几乎就是整个故事。
It's so quick and clean and concise.
它是如此快速、干净和简洁。
Plymouth was actually built on the site of Squanto's hometown, Patuxet.
普利茅斯实际上是在斯匡托的家乡帕图西特的旧址上建造的。
All his friends and family, his whole village, died from the diseases that arrived with earlier European visitors.
他所有的朋友和家人，他的整个村庄，都死于早期欧洲游客带来的疾病。
Squanto is hanging around because it's the only home he knows.
斯匡托一直在附近闲逛，因为这是他唯一知道的家。
That's why he's there to help the incompetent white people grow corn, using the seeds they'd stolen from some other Indians on Cape Cod.
这就是为什么他在那里帮助无能的白人种植玉米，使用他们从科德角其他印第安人那里偷来的种子。
'We like to think of it as our neck of the woods." There's so much meaning in that one little wise crack.
“我们喜欢将其视为我们的脖子。”这一明智的小裂缝蕴含着如此多的意义。
It shows you history doesn't have to be trampled by the sitcom format.
它向你表明历史不必被情景喜剧的形式所践踏。
Here's another example.
这是另一个例子。
There's a crackerjack Thanksgiving dinner scene in the pilgrim episode of The Simpsons .
《辛普森一家》朝圣者一集中有一个精彩的感恩节晚餐场景。
Ned Flanders-- playing the purest of all the Puritans-- is talking to Indian Chief Wiggum.
内德·弗兰德斯（Ned Flanders）扮演最纯洁的清教徒，正在与印第安酋长维格姆交谈。
Get it?
得到它？
And Flanders says, "Chief Wiggum, we could never have survived our first year in the New World without you.
弗兰德斯说道：“维格姆酋长，如果没有你，我们根本不可能在新世界度过第一年。
I almost regret what we Europeans are going to do to you."
我几乎对我们欧洲人要对你做的事感到遗憾。”
Chief Wiggum, "What are you going to do?"
维古姆酋长：“你要做什么？”
Flanders, "Oh, give you the biggest slice of pumpkin pie.
弗兰德斯：“哦，给你最大的一块南瓜派。
Also, we're going to take your land and wipe you out.
此外，我们还将夺取你的土地并将你消灭。
Who wants whipped topping?"
谁想要鲜奶油？”
Flanders isn't embarrassed about the harsh story of America.
弗兰德斯并不为美国的残酷故事感到尴尬。
If anything, he's cheerful.
如果有的话，他很高兴。
And there's something sort of profound about that combination.
这种组合有某种深刻的意义。
In fact, the greatest sitcom characters-- which is to say, the funniest and the most riveting to watch-- are cheerful at the same time that they're self-absorbed, and galling, and oblivious to the destruction left in their wake.
事实上，最伟大的情景喜剧角色——也就是说，最有趣、最引人入胜的角色——在快乐的同时，也很自私、令人难堪，而且对他们身后留下的破坏浑然不觉。
Think Homer Simpson, Michael Scott on The Office , Ted Baxter from Mary Tyler Moore , Larry David, the entire cast of Seinfeld .
想想《办公室》中的霍默·辛普森、迈克尔·斯科特、玛丽·泰勒·摩尔中的特德·巴克斯特、拉里·大卫以及《宋飞正传》的所有演员。
And you know what else is like that?
你知道还有什么是这样的吗？
The United States of America.
美利坚合众国。
I don't know why you would applaud that.
我不知道你为什么会鼓掌。
That's why it doesn't really matter if these pilgrim episodes are factually accurate, because sitcoms tell the true story of our nation every time the Michaels, and Homers, and Larrys open their mouths.
这就是为什么这些朝圣者的情节是否真实准确并不重要，因为每次迈克尔、荷马和拉里一家开口时，情景喜剧都会讲述我们国家的真实故事。
We're well-meaning, lovable, unintentionally destructive, believing we're more important than we are, like we're some kind of city upon a hill.
我们善意、可爱、无意中具有破坏性，相信我们比实际更重要，就像我们是某种山上的城市一样。
Thank you.
谢谢。
Sarah Vowell is the author of Assassination Vacation and other books with surprisingly funny histories of America in them.
莎拉·沃威尔（Sarah Vowell）是《刺杀假期》和其他书籍的作者，其中包含令人惊讶的有趣的美国历史。
Her upcoming book about the Puritans is called, The Wordy Shipmates.
她即将出版的关于清教徒的书名叫《罗嗦的船友》。
Coming up, which is more powerful, television or family?
接下来，电视和家庭哪个更强大？
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International when our program continues.
一分钟后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
[MUSIC- "GOODS (INSTRUMENTAL)" BY MATES OF STATE]
[音乐-“GOODS（器乐）”，作者：Mates of State]
It's This American Life .
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program we choose a theme and bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，并为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's program, What I Learned From Television.
今天的节目是《我从电视中学到的》。
And by that, I mean what we all learned from television.
我的意思是我们都从电视中学到的东西。
We've arrived at Act Three.
我们已经到了第三幕了。
Act Three, Radio on the TV.
第三幕，电视广播。
OK, so we just finished shooting and editing this weekly television show.
好的，我们刚刚完成了这个每周电视节目的拍摄和编辑。
And the main thing I want to say to you is, the radio show is not going off the air.
我想对你们说的主要事情是，广播节目不会停播。
So the strangest experience I had during this period-- the strangest thing I actually learned from TV-- came while we were putting together our television show.
所以我在这段时间经历的最奇怪的经历——我实际上从电视中学到的最奇怪的事情——发生在我们制作电视节目的时候。
But it didn't actually come from anything that we worked on.
但它实际上并不是来自我们所做的任何事情。
One Thursday night, I was watching The O.C.
一个星期四的晚上，我正在看 The O.C.
with my wife, Anaheed.
和我的妻子阿纳希德。
I don't know if you're watching The O.C.
不知道你有没有看《O.C.》
, or were watching it before it got taken off.
，或者在起飞前正在观看它。
I loved that show.
我喜欢那个节目。
It's kind of a great, funny, interesting show.
这是一个很棒、有趣、有趣的节目。
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go to season one, rent the Chrismukkah episode, OK?
如果您不知道我在说什么，请观看第一季，租用 Chrismukkah 剧集，好吗？
And it was a teen soap opera on the FOX network.
这是福克斯网络上的一部青少年肥皂剧。
And the main couple was Seth and Summer, not Marissa and Ryan.
主要的情侣是赛斯和萨默，而不是玛丽莎和瑞安。
They could have killed off Marissa back in season one, as far as I was concerned.
就我而言，他们本可以在第一季就杀死玛丽莎。
And so there's the scene-- this particular Thursday night-- where Seth is in his room talking to his girlfriend, Summer, on the phone.
于是就有了这样的场景——这个周四晚上——赛斯在他的房间里和他的女朋友萨默通电话。
And a girl is in his room.
他的房间里有一个女孩。
It's Taylor, who is basically the same character as Paris on The Gilmore Girls , but that's a whole other thing.
这是泰勒，他与《吉尔莫女孩》中的帕丽斯基本上是同一个人，但那是完全不同的事情。
And so there's this girl in his room.
所以他的房间里就有这个女孩。
And Summer hears this girl's voice in her boyfriend's room.
夏天在她男朋友的房间里听到了这个女孩的声音。
And she asks him about it.
她问他这件事。
And this moment happens.
这一刻发生了。
[AUDIO PLAYBACK] -That sounded like a girl.
[音频回放] - 听起来像个女孩。
-Did it?
-是吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Well, sure.
嗯，当然。
Because I'm listening to the radio.
因为我正在听广播。
And This American Life is on.
《美国生活》正在播出。
And so there's a girl talking.
于是就有一个女孩在说话。
[END AUDIO PLAYBACK] OK, and then Summer makes this reply, which, I have to say, just totally--
[音频播放结束] 好的，然后 Summer 做出了这样的回复，我不得不说，这完全是——
[AUDIO PLAYBACK] -Is that that show by those hipster know-it-alls who talk about how fascinating ordinary people are?
[音频回放] - 这是那些谈论普通人有多么迷人的时髦万事通的节目吗？
Ekhh.
呃。
God.
上帝。
[END PLAYBACK] Is that that show by those hipster know-it-alls who talk about how fascinating ordinary people are?
[回放结束] 这是那些谈论普通人有多么迷人的潮人百事通的节目吗？
Ekhh.
呃。
I have to say, I had this experience where I was just like-- it was like having fictional characters on the FOX network, like, they said my name.
我不得不说，我有过这样的经历，就像福克斯网络上有虚构人物一样，他们说了我的名字。
And I literally stood up and went like-- like did that just happen?
我真的站了起来，就像——就像刚刚发生的那样？
And it just totally was like, was this on everybody's TiVo?
这完全就像是，每个人的 TiVo 上都有这个吗？
Or is this just like--
或者这就像——
And you know, radio is so different from television.
你知道，广播与电视有很大不同。
And as we've been making our television show, people keep asking me which is better?
当我们制作电视节目时，人们不断问我哪个更好？
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
People ask me this all the time now.
现在人们总是问我这个问题。
So which is it going to be?
那么会是哪一个呢？
Is it going to be radio or TV?
是广播还是电视？
Which is better?
哪个更好？
Like we're all going to have to choose sides between radio and TV because there's going to be a big war.
就像我们都必须在广播和电视之间选择立场一样，因为将会有一场大战。
You know.
你知道。
And in fact, actually, there was a war.
事实上，确实发生了一场战争。
And radio kind of lost that war.
无线电广播输掉了那场战争。
And the fact is, radio and TV-- they're just good for different things.
事实上，广播和电视——它们只是有不同的用途。
Radio is so intimate and personal.
广播是如此亲密和个人化。
And TV can be so weirdly grand in what it does.
电视的作用可以如此奇妙。
And just thinking about The O.
只想着 The O。
C.
C.
and the other shows I love-- I have to say-- thinking about this moment, I realize that my feelings about my favorite shows on television, they are exactly the same as my feelings about the shows that I love on the radio.
和我喜欢的其他节目——我不得不说——想到这一刻，我意识到我对我最喜欢的电视节目的感受，它们与我对我喜欢的广播节目的感受完全相同。
The things I love, I love completely.
我所爱的事物，我全心全意地爱着。
And it's totally personal, my feelings about these shows.
这完全是我个人对这些节目的感受。
It's personal in the deepest possible way.
这是最私人的。
And I'm a kind of dorky fan when it comes to stuff.
说到东西时，我是一个有点傻的粉丝。
My wife is here in the room.
我妻子在房间里。
So maybe this is bad to be telling this story.
所以也许讲这个故事是不好的。
Every week, The O.
每周，O.
C.
C.
comes on, and my wife, Anaheed, and I, we sit on the couch.
来了，我和我的妻子阿纳希德坐在沙发上。
And when the theme comes on, "California," we sing along with it in full voice.
当主题曲“加利福尼亚”响起时，我们就大声跟着唱。
Do you know what I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
Think about what that takes.
想想这需要什么。
I'm 47 years old.
我今年47岁了。
I'm a grown ass man, you know?
我是一个成年男子了，你知道吗？
We're a married couple.
我们是一对已婚夫妇。
Sober.
清醒。
We are sober, singing the theme to a FOX show.
我们很清醒，正在为福克斯电视台的节目唱主题曲。
And I have got to say, every single week it makes me love my wife, and love TV, and love everything in the world all at once.
我不得不说，每一周它都让我爱我的妻子，爱电视，爱世界上的一切。
And last week, when The O.C.
上周，当 O.C.
went off TV, I cried.
电视关了，我哭了。
And I'm not ashamed to admit it.
我并不羞于承认这一点。
[MUSIC - "CALIFORNIA" MATES OF STATE]
[音乐-“加州”国家伙伴]
Mates of State.
国家伙伴。
A married couple singing that song.
一对已婚夫妇唱着这首歌。
Act Four, My Other Dog's a German Shepherd.
第四幕，我的另一只狗是德国牧羊犬。
Well, Dan Savage has this story of what a person can and can not learn from television, a story drawing from his own experience.
丹·萨维奇（Dan Savage）讲述了一个人可以从电视中学到什么和不能学到什么的故事，这个故事取自他自己的经历。
A quick warning to listeners.
向听众发出快速警告。
There's nothing explicit in Dan's story at all.
丹的故事中根本没有任何明确的内容。
But he does use a slang word to refer to gay people.
但他确实使用俚语来指代同性恋者。
A word that is actually perfectly OK for him to use, but not necessarily something you will want your six-year-old child to repeat.
这个词实际上对他来说完全可以使用，但不一定是你希望你六岁的孩子重复的词。
So take that under advisement.
所以请接受建议。
Here's Dan Savage.
请听丹·萨维奇的报道。
My dad liked to watch cop shows.
我爸爸喜欢看警匪片。
He was a cop, a homicide detective assigned to Chicago's seedy, gay neighborhood in the '70s.
他是一名警察，一名凶杀案侦探，在 70 年代被派往芝加哥肮脏的同性恋社区。
And like all cops, what he most enjoyed about watching cop shows was pointing out where they got it wrong.
和所有警察一样，他最喜欢看警察节目的就是指出他们哪里做错了。
There was just one show on TV that got police work even slightly right-- according to my dad-- Barney Miller, which ran on ABC from 1975-- when I was eleven-- to 1982-- when I was 17.
据我父亲说，电视上只有一档节目让警察的工作稍微有点正确——《巴尼·米勒》(Barney Miller)，该节目从 1975 年（当时我 11 岁）到 1982 年（当时我 17 岁）在 ABC 播出。
The officers on Barney Miller weren't beat cops.
巴尼·米勒号的警察并不是被打败的警察。
They were detectives, like my dad.
他们是侦探，就像我父亲一样。
Their jobs were tedious, like my dad's-- all paperwork and bad coffee, no car chases, no shootouts.
他们的工作很乏味，就像我父亲的一样——全是文书工作和糟糕的咖啡，没有汽车追逐，没有枪战。
And the detectives were middle aged and out of shape, like my dad.
侦探们都是中年人，身材也不好，就像我父亲一样。
And like my dad, the detectives on Barney Miller policed a seedy, gay neighborhood, New York City's Greenwich Village.
和我父亲一样，巴尼·米勒的侦探们负责监管纽约市格林威治村这个肮脏的同性恋社区。
There was a recurring gay character on Barney Miller , one of the first on television.
巴尼·米勒 (Barney Miller) 中有一个反复出现的同性恋角色，这是最早出现在电视上的角色之一。
Very swishy, total stereotype, carried a purse, owned a poodle.
非常时髦，完全是刻板印象，带着钱包，拥有一只贵宾犬。
My dad liked cop movies too.
我爸爸也喜欢警匪片。
And I remember watching one in particular with my dad-- The Choir boys, a 1977 movie-- in our living room some time after it came out on video.
我记得特别和我父亲一起观看了一部 1977 年的电影《唱诗班男孩》，在视频发布一段时间后，我在我们的客厅里观看了这部电影。
And how's this for a coincidence?
而且这怎么会是巧合呢？
The cops in Choir boys policed Los Angeles' seedy, gay neighborhood.
唱诗班男孩的警察负责维护洛杉矶肮脏的同性恋社区。
And in one scene, a guy-- one of the cops-- is handcuffed to a tree in a cruisy park and left there with his pants around his ankles.
在一个场景中，一名男子（其中一名警察）被铐在公园里的一棵树上，然后把他的裤子套在脚踝上。
And who should come upon this helpless, bare-assed cop first?
谁应该先遇到这个无助、光着屁股的警察呢？
A swish carrying a purse, walking a poodle.
嗖嗖地拎着钱包，遛着贵宾犬。
He takes one look at the cop and says, "I can't believe it.
他看了警察一眼，说道：“我简直不敢相信。
A naked man chained to a tree.
一名裸体男子被锁在树上。
That's a crazy, mad, salacious dream." They speak briefly-- the swish and the naked cop.
这是一个疯狂、疯狂、淫荡的梦想。”他们简短地交谈——嗖嗖声和裸体警察。
The cop threatens him, "I'll kill you if you touch me, you fag son of a bitch." This is played for laughs.
警察威胁他：“你要是敢碰我，我就杀了你，你个王八蛋。”这是为了搞笑而玩的。
"I'll rip your damn kidneys.
“我会撕裂你该死的肾脏。
I'll punch your spleen."
我要捶你的脾脏。”
The swish replies, "You'd do that for me?" The swish leaves with his poodle, which is dyed pink.
嗖嗖的回答道：“你愿意为我做这件事吗？”斯威带着他的贵宾犬离开了，贵宾犬被染成了粉红色。
Watching that with my dad when I was a teenager made me want to die because I knew I would be some kind of fag when I grew up and so did he.
当我十几岁的时候和我父亲一起看这个让我想死，因为我知道我长大后会成为某种基佬，他也是。
I wasn't ready to talk about it with him.
我还没准备好和他谈论这件事。
And he certainly wasn't going to go anywhere near the subject.
他当然不会谈论这个话题。
So when gays popped up on TV-- something that, inconveniently enough, began to happen with greater and greater frequency just as I hit puberty-- things got awkward.
因此，当同性恋出现在电视上时——这件事在我进入青春期时开始越来越频繁地出现，这已经够不方便的了——事情就变得尴尬了。
I'm sure we both sat there during The Choirboys in silence.
我确信在合唱团表演期间我们都静静地坐在那里。
Here was this subject we were avoiding at all costs.
这就是我们不惜一切代价回避的话题。
And all of the sudden, we were ambushed by the television set.
突然间，我们遭到了电视机的伏击。
I found out years later that he was fine with me being gay, and that the reason he didn't laugh or react to scenes with gay characters on TV was that he didn't want to make me feel bad.
几年后我发现他对我是同性恋没有意见，他对电视上同性恋角色的场景没有笑或做出反应的原因是他不想让我感觉不好。
At the time, I interpreted his silence as a quietly simmering anger and disgust.
当时，我将他的沉默解读为一种悄悄酝酿的愤怒和厌恶。
And sitting in front of the TV, I made a resolution.
坐在电视机前，我下了一个决心。
I was going to be some kind of fag when I grow up, but I wasn't going to be that kind of fag.
我长大后会成为某种基佬，但我不会成为那种基佬。
I wouldn't carry a purse.
我不会带钱包。
And I would never come upon a half-naked cop, chained to a tree in a cruisy park, late at night, because I wasn't going to be walking any poodles around cruisy parks late at night, because I wasn't going to own a poodle.
我永远不会在深夜在游乐园里遇到一个半裸的警察，被锁在游乐园的一棵树上，因为我不会在深夜在游乐园周围遛狗，因为我不会拥有一只贵宾犬。
That's what I learned from television.
这就是我从电视中学到的。
Don't own a poodle.
没有养贵宾犬。
I made up my mind to be a different sort of homo, not like the gay people you saw on TV, which were the only gay people I ever saw.
我下定决心要成为一种不同的同性恋，不像你在电视上看到的同性恋者，这是我见过的唯一的同性恋者。
And straight people, I figured-- my dad, Jerry Falwell, Anita Bryant-- they were going to like me.
我想，异性恋者——我的父亲、杰里·福尔韦尔、安妮塔·布莱恩特——他们会喜欢我的。
That's when I stopped giving a damn about how gays were portrayed on TV.
从那时起我就不再关心电视上如何描绘同性恋了。
And for years, whenever a friend would complain about gays on television, I would grant them that, yes, most of the gay people on television were stereotypes.
多年来，每当朋友在电视上抱怨同性恋时，我都会承认，是的，电视上的大多数同性恋者都是刻板印象。
But was the portrayal of heterosexuals on television any better?
但电视上对异性恋的描绘是否更好呢？
Do real straight people act anything like those crazy ass breeders on Desperate Housewives?
真正的直人会像《绝望的主妇》中那些疯狂的混蛋饲养者那样行事吗？
Do real straight people act like the fake straight people on Lost ?
真正的异性恋者会像《迷失》中的假异性恋者一样行事吗？
Does anyone act like the people on Lost?
有人像《迷失》中的人那样行事吗？
Do real straight people act like Tom Cruise on Oprah ?
真正的直人会像奥普拉的汤姆·克鲁斯那样行事吗？
Only an idiot-- I would tell my friends-- would look to television to form a picture of what straight people are really like.
我会告诉我的朋友们，只有白痴才会通过电视来了解异性恋的真实情况。
An idiot.
一个白痴。
Or a child.
或者一个孩子。
Perhaps a child with gay parents.
也许是一个有同性恋父母的孩子。
As soon as our adopted son D.J.-- who's eight now-- was old enough to use the TV remote, I felt like I was regressing to my early teenage years, suddenly worried again about how sexuality is portrayed on television.
当我们的养子 D.J.（现在已经八岁了）长大到可以使用电视遥控器时，我感觉自己好像回到了青少年时期，突然再次担心电视上如何描绘性行为。
But not my sexuality.
但不是我的性取向。
His.
他的。
Heterosexuality.
异性恋。
Now before we go any further, a word about why I say with such confidence that my son is straight.
现在，在我们进一步讨论之前，先谈谈为什么我如此自信地说我的儿子是异性恋。
The first time he picked up a football he tossed a perfect spiral.
当他第一次拿起足球时，他扔出了一个完美的螺旋。
He's into trucks not dolls.
他喜欢卡车而不是洋娃娃。
If it can't be used as a gun, it's not a toy he's interested in owning.
如果它不能用作枪，那它就不是他有兴趣拥有的玩具。
I know D.J.'s straight the same way my parents knew I was gay.
我知道 D.J. 是异性恋，就像我父母知道我是同性恋一样。
And I know D.J.
我认识 D.J.
is now learning about his sexuality watching television, just as I once learned about mine watching television.
现在正在通过电视了解他的性取向，就像我曾经通过电视了解我的性取向一样。
And the treatment of heterosexuality, on just one show in particular, offends me so terribly that I've tried to stop him from watching it.
而对异性恋的对待，尤其是在一个节目中，让我非常不舒服，以至于我试图阻止他观看。
And I'm not talking about Nip/Tuck , or The Sopranos , or I Love New York .
我不是在谈论《Nip/Tuck》、《黑道家族》或《我爱纽约》。
We wouldn't let him watch those shows if he wanted to.
如果他愿意的话我们不会让他看那些节目。
And he doesn't want to.
但他不想。
Those shows, to him, are just grown-ups shouting at each other.
对他来说，那些节目只是成年人互相喊叫。
And he doesn't have to watch TV for that.
而且他不必为此看电视。
No, this is a show for kids on the Disney channel, one of the most popular shows on TV.
不，这是迪士尼频道的儿童节目，是电视上最受欢迎的节目之一。
It's already two video games.
这已经是两款电子游戏了。
And it's a show D.J.
这是一个表演 D.J.
adores.
崇拜。
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody is about twin brothers who live in a hotel in Boston, the Tipton, where their divorced mom works as a cabaret singer.
《扎克和科迪的顶级生活》讲述了住在波士顿提普顿酒店的双胞胎兄弟的故事，他们离婚的母亲在那里担任歌舞表演歌手。
So it's Suite Life -- S-U-I-T-E, not S-W-E-E-T.
所以这是《顶级生活》——S-U-I-T-E，而不是 S-W-E-E-T。
The boys are always getting into crazy scrapes and hatching hair-brained schemes.
男孩们总是陷入疯狂的困境并策划一些愚蠢的计划。
They're preteens-- 10 or 11.
他们还不到青春期——10岁或11岁。
Now in some ways, this show defies stereotypes.
现在在某些方面，这个节目打破了刻板印象。
There's a character named London-- spoiled rich girl played by an Asian actress-- but get this, she's Asian but she's dumb.
有一个名叫伦敦的角色——由亚洲女演员扮演的被宠坏的富家女——但你要明白，她是亚洲人，但她很笨。
And then there's Maddie, a teenaged girl who works at the hotel candy shop, played by a blond actress, but she's smart.
还有麦迪，一个在酒店糖果店工作的十几岁女孩，由金发女演员扮演，但她很聪明。
And then there's Mr. Moseby, the hotel manager, played by a black actor.
还有酒店经理莫斯比先生，由黑人演员扮演。
But he's fussy.
但他很挑剔。
Some might go so far as to say clean and articulate.
有些人甚至可能会说干净、清晰。
But what offends me-- what worries me-- is how horny one of the twins always seems to be.
但让我生气、让我担心的是双胞胎中的一个似乎总是那么饥渴。
Zack is sexually precocious in a deeply creepy way.
扎克的性早熟程度令人毛骨悚然。
Can a pre-pubescent boy be sexually precocious in a way that isn't deeply creepy?
一个青春期前的男孩性早熟的方式是否可以不令人毛骨悚然？
Zack is also the more charismatic twin.
扎克也是双胞胎中更有魅力的一个。
Zack is Lucy to Cody's Ethel-- more athletic, more of a risk-taker.
扎克（Zack）就像科迪（Cody）的埃塞尔（Ethel）的露西（Lucy）——更具运动能力，更具冒险精神。
And Zack wants, aches for, pines for, goes for Maddie, the smart blond that works in the candy counter in the lobby.
扎克想要、渴望、渴望、追求麦迪，那个在大厅糖果柜台工作的聪明的金发女郎。
Maddie is 16 or 17, which is to say, Zack is in elementary school, Maddie is in high school.
麦迪16岁或17岁，也就是说，扎克在上小学，麦迪在高中。
I don't let D.J.
我不让 D.J.
watch TV alone much.
经常一个人看电视。
So I'll plop down on the couch with a book and sit with him, which is how I caught episodes of Suite Life where Zack worries about Maddie hooking up with other guys, and episodes where Zack instructs other little boys on the art of talking to babes.
所以我会一屁股坐在沙发上，拿着一本书，和他坐在一起，这就是我在《顶级生活》中看到扎克担心麦迪和其他男人勾搭的情节，以及扎克指导其他小男孩与美女交谈的艺术的情节。
His advice, you lie to babes.
他的建议是，你对宝贝撒谎。
In one particular episode, "A Prom Story," Zack walks up to Maddie and-- well let's just read the dialogue.
在一个特别的情节“舞会故事”中，扎克走到麦迪面前——好吧，让我们来读一下对话。
Zack-- looking Maddie up and down-- "Hey, sweet thing.
扎克——上下打量着麦蒂——“嘿，可爱的东西。
What's the special today?
今天有什么特别的？
I hope it's tall, blond and curvy."
我希望它很高，金发碧眼，曲线优美。”
I'm not sure how a teenager would react to being hit on by a 10-year-old boy in real life because it never happens.
我不确定一个青少年在现实生活中被一个 10 岁男孩搭讪会有什么反应，因为这种事从来没有发生过。
But somehow, fictional Zack escapes the humiliation or the punch in the chest that a real life Zack would be subjected to.
但不知何故，虚构的扎克逃脱了现实生活中的扎克将遭受的羞辱或胸部打击。
Instead, Zack emerges from this encounter with the impression that Maddie has just asked him to go with her to her prom.
相反，扎克从这次相遇中得到的印象是麦蒂刚刚邀请他和她一起去参加她的舞会。
Zack runs up to Cody.
扎克跑向科迪。
Zack, excited-- "Did you hear that?
扎克斯很兴奋——“你听到了吗？
Maddie wants to dance with me at her prom.
麦蒂想在她的舞会上和我跳舞。
I'd better practice my kissing." Cody, nauseated-- "Don't look at me."
我还是好好练习一下接吻吧。”科迪，恶心——“别看着我。”
That is a threefer right there.
那是一个三人组。
You've got your horny, pre-pubescent boy, and an incest joke, and a cliche homophobic reaction to the idea of two boys kissing, brothers or not.
你有一个饥渴的、青春期前的男孩，还有一个乱伦笑话，还有对两个男孩接吻的想法的陈词滥调的恐同反应，无论兄弟与否。
Good stuff.
好东西。
Thanks, Disney.
谢谢，迪士尼。
And here's why this show worries me so much.
这就是为什么这个节目让我如此担心。
D.J.
DJ
watches Suite Life of Zack and Cody with a look of concentration on his face, a look he doesn't get watching any other shows, a look we certainly don't get when we're talking to him.
观看《扎克和科迪的顶级生活》时，他的脸上带着一种专注的表情，这是他在看其他节目时不会有的表情，也是我们在与他交谈时肯定不会有的表情。
He looks like he's filing things away for future reference.
他看起来正在把东西归档以供将来参考。
For a boy without older brothers, a boy without straight male uncles or cousins living nearby, we worry that the way Zack treats women could be a problem every bit as damaging to a young straight boy as those images of gay men with poodles were to me.
对于一个没有哥哥的男孩，一个没有住在附近的异性恋叔叔或表兄弟的男孩，我们担心扎克对待女性的方式可能会成为一个问题，对一个年轻的异性恋男孩的伤害就像那些同性恋男子与贵宾犬的形象对我一样。
I cling to one hope.
我坚持一个希望。
Despite my exposure to all those swishy gay men walking poodles on TV during my formative years, I grew up to be a different kind of gay.
尽管在我的成长岁月里，我在电视上见过那些时髦的男同性恋者遛着贵宾犬，但我长大后却成为了一种不同的同性恋者。
And despite the girl-crazy little boys D.J.
尽管有女孩疯狂的小男孩 D.J.
Sees on the Disney channel, he may grow up to be a different kind of straight.
在迪士尼频道上看到，他长大后可能会成为另一种异性恋。
Maybe we'll both defy the stereotypes.
也许我们都会打破刻板印象。
The only problem with that is fate.
唯一的问题就是命运。
You can defy a stereotype.
你可以打破刻板印象。
You can work against it.
你可以反对它。
But sometimes stereotypes are patient.
但有时刻板印象是有耐心的。
They'll wait you out, wear you down, lull you into a false sense of security.
他们会等你出去，让你疲惫不堪，让你陷入一种虚假的安全感。
And then bam, you own a poodle.
然后砰，你拥有一只贵宾犬。
D.J.
DJ
asked for a poodle a few years ago.
几年前要求养一只贵宾犬。
And I know how awful that sounds.
我知道这听起来有多糟糕。
The son of two gay men begins to adopt the homosexual lifestyle, poodles and all.
两个男同性恋者的儿子开始采用同性恋的生活方式，包括贵宾犬等等。
Purses are next.
接下来是钱包。
And he didn't want any poodle, he wanted a toy poodle.
他不想要任何贵宾犬，他想要一只玩具贵宾犬。
A poodle he planned to name Pierre.
他打算给一只贵宾犬命名为皮埃尔。
I tried to stop it-- selfishly, for my own sake-- but framing every argument in concern for D.J.
我试图阻止它——自私地，为了我自己——但每一次争论都是为了 D.J.
We can't do this to him, I told my boyfriend.
我们不能这样对他，我告诉我的男朋友。
He's already got gay parents and I'm one of them.
他已经有同性恋父母了，我也是其中之一。
Isn't that a big enough pink cross to bear?
那不是一个足够大的粉红色十字架吗？
Did we really intend to nail a poodle to it too?
我们真的打算把贵宾犬也钉在上面吗？
But D.J.
但 D.J.
was adamant.
态度坚决。
He had a friend, a little boy with opposite sex parents-- that's what we call those mixed gender couples.
他有一个朋友，一个有异性父母的小男孩——这就是我们所说的异性伴侣。
And his friend with the opposite sex parents had a toy poodle.
他的朋友的异性父母养了一只玩具贵宾犬。
These people recruited my son.
这些人招募了我的儿子。
These opposite sex poodle parent people.
这些异性贵宾犬的父母人。
That's what poodle people do.
这就是贵宾犬的人所做的。
They lure people into their poodle lifestyle.
他们引诱人们进入他们的贵宾犬生活方式。
We did manage to talk D.J.
我们确实成功地与 D.J. 进行了交谈。
into a less gay name for his toy poodle.
给他的玩具贵宾犬起了一个不那么同性恋的名字。
Stinker has just one eye, is completely deaf, doesn't come when you call him, and runs into walls and chairs and trees.
臭虫只有一只眼睛，完全聋了，当你呼唤他时他不来，并且会跑到墙壁、椅子和树木上。
And D.J.
还有 D.J.
loves him.
爱他。
I know all about Stinker's habit of running into trees because I'm the one that gets stuck walking the dog.
我知道臭虫撞树的习惯，因为我就是那个遛狗的人。
We live on Capitol Hill in Seattle, which is Seattle's gay neighborhood.
我们住在西雅图的国会山，这是西雅图的同性恋社区。
And there's a big park near our house, Seattle's crusiest, Volunteer Park.
我们家附近有一个大公园，西雅图最热闹的志愿者公园。
You can find the volunteers under every bush.
你可以在每一个灌木丛下找到志愿者。
And you can often find me there, late at night, walking the poodle.
你经常可以在深夜看到我在那里遛贵宾犬。
I want to scream whenever someone passes me, "It's not my poodle.
每当有人经过我身边时，我就想尖叫：“这不是我的贵宾犬。
It's my straight son's poodle.
这是我直儿子的贵宾犬。
I swear." Somehow, my straight son managed to get me out on the streets with a poodle.
我发誓。”不知何故，我的异性恋儿子设法带着一只贵宾犬把我带到了街上。
So I have to believe that we-- as a family-- exert a more powerful influence than television ultimately, and that we can help D.J.
所以我必须相信，作为一个家庭，我们最终会发挥比电视更强大的影响力，并且我们可以帮助 D.J.
gracefully adjust to girl-crazy, when his time comes, the same way he helped me adjust to Stinker.
当他的时代到来时，我会优雅地适应女孩的疯狂，就像他帮助我适应臭虫一样。
And if I can walk a poodle and not feel like a total fag, D.J.
如果我能遛一只贵宾犬而不觉得自己像个彻头彻尾的基佬，D.J.
can go girl crazy one day and not be a total Zack.
有一天，我可以让女孩疯狂，但又不是一个彻头彻尾的扎克。
Or that's what I tell myself anyway when I'm walking D.J.'s poodle in the cruisy park late at night.
或者说，当我深夜在热闹的公园里遛 D.J. 的贵宾犬时，我就是这么告诉自己的。
I'm sure it's only a matter of time now before Stinker runs head first into a tree that has a bare-assed cop handcuffed to it.
我确信臭虫迟早会头朝下撞到一棵树上，树上还戴着手铐，上面还戴着手铐。
Thank you.
谢谢。
Dan Savage.
丹·萨维奇.
He's the author of several books including The Commitment , including The Kid , What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant.
他是《承诺》等多本书的作者，其中包括《孩子》、《我和男朋友决定怀孕后发生了什么》。
He also writes the syndicated sex advice column, "Savage Love."
他还撰写联合性建议专栏“野蛮的爱”。
Our show is produced today by Jane Feltes and our senior producer, Julie Snyder, with Alex Blumberg, Diane Cook, Sarah Koenig, Lisa Pollak, Alissa Shipp, and Nancy Updike.
今天我们的节目由 Jane Feltes 和我们的高级制片人 Julie Snyder 以及 Alex Blumberg、Diane Cook、Sarah Koenig、Lisa Pollak、Alissa Shipp 和 Nancy Updike 共同制作。
Jeff [?
杰夫[?
Tober ?] runs our website.
托伯？] 运营我们的网站。
Production help from Seth Lind and Tommy Andres.
塞思·林德 (Seth Lind) 和汤米·安德烈斯 (Tommy Andres) 为制作提供帮助。
Other help from Jorge Just.
来自豪尔赫·贾斯特的其他帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] Our show today, recorded in part in a live performance at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts in New York City, and in part in Boston, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, Chicago, and Seattle.
[鸣谢] 我们今天的节目部分是在纽约市林肯表演艺术中心艾弗里·费舍尔大厅的现场表演中录制的，部分是在波士顿、洛杉矶、明尼阿波利斯、芝加哥和西雅图录制的。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
WBEZ management oversight for our show by our boss, Torey Malatia, who describes our staff this way.
我们的老板 Torey Malatia 对我们的演出进行 WBEZ 管理监督，他这样描述我们的员工。
We're well-meaning, lovable, unintentionally destructive, believing we're more important than we are.
我们是善意的、可爱的、无意识的破坏性的、相信我们比我们自己更重要。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
[FUNDING CREDITS] The new season of our show, This American Life , premieres Sunday, May 4 at 10:00 PM.
[资金来源] 我们的节目新一季《This American Life》将于 5 月 4 日星期日晚上 10:00 首播。
1-800-SHOWTIME or sho.com.
1-800-SHOWTIME 或 sho.com。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。