324: My Brilliant Plan - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #324 | January 25, 2008 324: My Brilliant Plan Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 324 集 | 2008 年 1 月 25 日 324：我的辉煌计划 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Michael had been in the business for over 35 years, and he never had a customer like this one.
序言 Ira Glass Michael 已从事该行业超过 35 年，他从未遇到过像这样的客户。
Michael designs and sells tombstones.
迈克尔设计并销售墓碑。
And this customer, who we're not going to name for reasons that will become clear the further into the story I get-- we'll just call him Mr. X-- Mr. X is what they call in the funeral business a pre-needs customer.
这位顾客，我们不会透露他的名字，因为随着故事的深入，我们会更清楚地知道他的名字——我们就称他为 X 先生——X 先生就是葬礼行业中所谓的预需顾客。
Pre-needs is basically a polite funeral business way to say he wasn't dead.
预先需求基本上是一种礼貌的葬礼商业方式，表示他没有死。
He was buying a plot and a tombstone before he needed them.
他在需要之前就买了一块地和一块墓碑。
You know, he explained that this was for himself, and he said he had some special requests that he wanted on the memorial.
你知道，他解释说这是给他自己的，他说他对纪念碑有一些特殊的要求。
So I obviously asked what they were, and we started going through it.
所以我显然问了它们是什么，然后我们开始研究它。
He wanted his picture on there.
他想要他的照片在那里。
He also wanted to know if he could put his son's names on and their pictures, and he would also like to put their dates of death.
他还想知道是否可以写上他儿子的名字和他们的照片，他还想写上他们的死亡日期。
And at that point, I say, "oh, I'm very sorry for your loss." And that's when he says, "no, they're not dead." And I was slightly speechless for a moment because I'm trying to figure out what's go on.
那时，我说：“哦，我对你的损失感到非常抱歉。”就在那时他说：“不，他们没有死。”我有一瞬间有点说不出话来，因为我想弄清楚到底发生了什么。
Is he trying to tell me that he's going to kill them?
他是想告诉我他要杀了他们吗？
Or is it-- what's happening?
或者是——发生了什么？
You know.
你知道。
And so we proceeded slightly further in the conversation, and he basically takes out a sheet of paper and hands it to me.
所以我们的谈话继续进行了一些，他基本上拿出一张纸递给我。
And I start reading it, and he said, "this is what I want on the monument."
我开始读它，他说，“这就是我想要在纪念碑上看到的。”
And what did it say?
它说了什么？
Michael Well, I wish I had it and saved it.
迈克尔 好吧，我希望我拥有它并保存它。
It was really very blunt, to the effect that, "my two sons stole money from me." And it kind of broke his heart.
确实很直白，大意是“我的两个儿子偷了我的钱”。这有点伤了他的心。
In his eyes, they were not alive any longer.
在他眼里，他们已经不再是一个活人了。
They were dead to him.
他们对他来说已经死了。
Michael They're dead to him because of something they did to him.
迈克尔：他们对他已经死了，因为他们对他做了什么。
When I first read it, it didn't even click.
当我第一次读它时，它甚至没有点击。
And then I read it again, and I looked at him and said, "are you serious?" And he said, "yes." I said, "OK." I said, "it's pretty strong." And he said, "that's what I want."
然后我又读了一遍，我看着他说：“你是认真的吗？”他说：“是的。”我说：“好吧。”我说：“挺强的。”他说：“这就是我想要的。”
And the cemetery wouldn't allow him to put it on there in that way.
而墓地也不允许他把它放在那里。
And you need to, you know, kind of soften it up a little bit.
你知道，你需要稍微软化它。
And I should say now, this monument is actually standing.
现在我应该说，这座纪念碑确实矗立着。
The guy still is alive.
那家伙还活着。
The monument is standing in a cemetery right now, and it has his picture-- kind of a big picture of him at the top, and his name, and date of birth, and then blank for the date of death-- and then underneath it there are pictures of two of his sons.
纪念碑现在矗立在一个墓地里，上面有他的照片——顶部有一张他的大照片，还有他的名字和出生日期，然后空白的死亡日期——然后下面有他两个儿子的照片。
Then it says, "in memory of." And it says each of their names and the date of death.
然后它说：“为了纪念”。上面写着他们每个人的名字和死亡日期。
And I guess those are the dates when they broke his heart and became dead to him.
我猜那些日子是他们伤了他的心并对他死了的日子。
Exactly.
确切地。
Ira Glass And then underneath-- let me just ask you to read the text of what it says underneath.
Ira Glass 然后在下面——让我请你阅读下面的文字。
And leave out their names.
并留下他们的名字。
OK.
好的。
It says, "I'll never forget"-- and someone's name-- "and"-- someone's name.
它说，“我永远不会忘记”——还有某人的名字——“和”——某人的名字。
"Even in death, these two people put an everlasting mark on my heart.
“即使死了，这两个人也在我心中留下了永恒的印记。
Money will come between family no matter how close you are.
无论你们有多亲密，家人之间都会有金钱。
Even in death, I still feel the pain."
即使死了，我仍然感到痛苦。”
I called this guy.
我给这个人打了电话。
I talked to him.
我和他谈过。
In fact, I've talked to him a couple times, and he didn't want to come on the radio or anything.
事实上，我已经和他谈过几次了，他不想参加广播或其他任何活动。
And he explained that in his mind, this was the perfect plan.
他解释说，在他看来，这是一个完美的计划。
Because basically, he could finally get the last word.
因为基本上，他终于可以掌握最后的话语权了。
Yeah, and it's cut in stone.
是的，它是刻在石头上的。
That's a saying around here.
这里有这样的说法。
It's permanent.
这是永久的。
It's there forever, for eternity.
它永远在那里，永远存在。
Now, when I talked to Mr. X about all this, he told me that he carries around photos of the monument, and he shows those photos to people.
现在，当我和X先生谈论这一切时，他告诉我他随身携带着纪念碑的照片，并向人们展示这些照片。
He likes seeing their reactions.
他喜欢看到他们的反应。
He says that he visits the monument every five or six weeks, polishes it up.
他说他每五六周就会参观这座纪念碑，并将其打磨光滑。
He has a fantasy of his sons coming to his funeral and seeing the monument for the first time.
他幻想着他的儿子们能够参加他的葬礼并第一次看到这座纪念碑。
He pictures the looks on their faces.
他想象着他们脸上的表情。
But the problem with this plan-- and Mr. X is the very first person to admit this-- the problem with this plan is, who wants to wait until they're dead to get the satisfaction?
但这个计划的问题是——X先生是第一个承认这一点的人——这个计划的问题是，谁愿意等到自己死了才得到满足呢？
You know?
你知道？
On the other hand, if they find out now, while he's alive, then they might get mad, they might argue.
另一方面，如果他们现在在他还活着的时候发现了，那么他们可能会生气，他们可能会争辩道。
And that would defeat the whole point of the whole thing.
那就会破坏整个事情的全部意义。
He wouldn't get the last word.
他听不到最后一句话。
And Michael sees another problem with Mr. X's plan.
迈克尔还发现 X 先生的计划存在另一个问题。
Maybe they're just going to look at it and go, "oh, he's crazy.
也许他们只是看着它然后说：“哦，他疯了。
Who cares?" You know what I mean?
谁在乎呢？”你知道我的意思？
That would be the worst case scenario, that they would see it and just shrug.
这将是最坏的情况，他们看到后只是耸耸肩。
And it wouldn't surprise me if they spotted the monument-- I'm almost thinking that if the sons saw that, they would probably try to remove their photographs, at least, which they could do.
如果他们发现了这座纪念碑，我也不会感到惊讶——我几乎在想，如果儿子们看到了这座纪念碑，他们可能会尝试删除他们的照片，至少，他们可以这么做。
They could break them or remove them.
他们可能会破坏或移除它们。
Because I think he was even concerned about that.
因为我认为他甚至担心这一点。
Oh, he was?
哦，他是？
Michael Yeah.
迈克尔 是的。
I think he might have been going to leave some money somehow set up in a trust or something to take care of replacing them or something like that if something happened to them.
我认为他可能会留下一些钱以某种方式建立在信托基金或其他什么东西上来照顾更换他们或类似的东西，如果他们发生了什么事。
You know, in the end, this is the problem with Mr. X's plan: all of eternity is stretching in front of Mr. X, and in that time, somebody can deface the tombstone, or a great, great, great, great, great, great grandson can decide that it is embarrassing, this tombstone, and have it removed.
你知道，归根结底，这就是X先生的计划的问题所在：所有的永恒都在X先生的面前展开，到那时，有人可以污损墓碑，或者一个曾曾曾曾孙可以认为这块墓碑很尴尬，然后把它移走。
Well, today on our show, we have stories of people who put together what they think are brilliant plans, and then all sorts of things that they didn't really account for finally get to them.
好吧，今天在我们的节目中，我们有这样的故事：人们制定了他们认为很棒的计划，然后他们没有真正考虑到的各种事情最终发生了。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life, distributed by Public Radio International.
这是来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》，由国际公共广播电台发行。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Our show today, My Brilliant Plan, in two acts.
我们今天的节目《我的辉煌计划》分两幕。
Act One, Mr. Adam's Neighborhood.
第一幕，亚当先生的邻居。
That act is a simple story involving a money-saving, information-getting, life-embracing plan that just had one thing, one little thing going against it, and that is where it was happening.
这个行为是一个简单的故事，涉及一个省钱、获取信息、拥抱生活的计划，但只有一件事、一件小事与它相悖，而这就是它发生的地方。
Act Two, Tragedy Minus Time Equals Happily Ever After.
第二幕，悲剧减去时间等于从此幸福快乐。
In that act, an 11-year-old child makes up a plan, a completely unlikely kid's plan, the kind of plan that no adult would ever think could work.
在那一幕中，一个 11 岁的孩子制定了一个计划，一个完全不可能是小孩子的计划，一个成年人都不会认为可行的计划。
And then the kid sticks with that plan into his 20s, into his 30s, into his 40s, into his 50s.
然后这个孩子坚持这个计划，直到20多岁、30多岁、40多岁、50多岁。
He sticks with this plan for so long that somehow this fantastically unreasonable plan becomes, decades later, somehow suddenly rather reasonable.
他长期坚持这个计划，以至于几十年后，这个极其不合理的计划突然变得相当合理。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Mr. Adam's Neighborhood.
第一幕，亚当先生的邻居。
This story takes place in Iraq.
这个故事发生在伊拉克。
But it's not a big story.
但这不是什么大故事。
Nobody is dying in the story.
故事中没有人死亡。
Democracy doesn't hang in the balance in this story.
在这个故事中，民主并不悬而未决。
But it illustrates some things about what it's like to be an American trying to get anything at all done in Iraq, even something simple and ordinary, like rent a house, and how naive a person can be, how much you can stumble even doing that.
但它说明了作为一个美国人试图在伊拉克完成任何事情的感觉，即使是一些简单而普通的事情，比如租房子，一个人可以是多么天真，即使这样做你也可能会遇到多么大的挫折。
One of our regular contributors here at This American Life, Adam Davidson, moved to Baghdad back in 2003.
亚当·戴维森 (Adam Davidson) 是《This American Life》的定期撰稿人之一，他于 2003 年搬到了巴格达。
This wasn't long after the US invasion.
这距离美国入侵不久。
He was a reporter for the public radio show Marketplace.
他是公共广播节目 Marketplace 的记者。
He was reporting there, by the way, especially on corruption in the American reconstruction projects.
顺便说一句，他正在那里进行报道，特别是关于美国重建项目中的腐败问题。
Eventually, he won the Daniel Schorr Journalism Prize, and was a finalist for the duPont-Columbia Award.
最终，他获得了丹尼尔·肖尔新闻奖，并入围杜邦哥伦比亚奖的决赛。
But back when he first arrived in Baghdad, he had to figure out where to live.
但当他第一次到达巴格达时，他必须弄清楚住在哪里。
And he noticed that not only was it expensive to live in the big hotels where Western journalists stayed, those hotels were just starting to get bombed.
他注意到，西方记者下榻的大酒店不仅价格昂贵，而且这些酒店刚刚开始遭到轰炸。
So he came up with a plan-- it seemed like a very clever plan at the time-- to rent a house.
于是他想出了一个计划——这在当时看来是一个非常聪明的计划——租房子。
He was going to rent a house.
他要去租房子。
He was going to get a bunch of roommates to share the costs, save some dough.
他打算找一帮室友分摊费用，省点钱。
And they were going to live in a regular neighborhood.
他们将住在一个普通的社区。
Not the green zone, which is the protected zone that Americans control.
不是绿区，那是美国人控制的保护区。
This was out in the city, in a regular, unprotected neighborhood.
这是在城里一个普通的、不受保护的社区里。
One of our show's producers, Nancy Updike, was in Iraq reporting for a month back then, and she stayed at that house, and recently talked with Adam about the saga of what came to pass there.
我们节目的一位制片人南希·厄普代克当时在伊拉克报道了一个月，她住在那所房子里，最近与亚当谈论了那里发生的传奇故事。
When this story first ran on our show a year ago, it was before the surge and other changes in Iraq had started to curtail the amount of violence in Baghdad.
一年前，当这个故事首次在我们的节目中播出时，当时伊拉克的增兵和其他变化还没有开始减少巴格达的暴力事件。
But of course, it's still quite a violent place.
但当然，这仍然是一个相当暴力的地方。
It does seem absolutely crazy now.
现在看起来确实很疯狂。
I mean, the idea of going out and renting a house in Baghdad today, it would be instant suicide.
我的意思是，今天出去在巴格达租房子的想法，会立即自杀。
But back then, in 2003, it was such a different place.
但在2003年的时候，那是一个完全不同的地方。
I had friends who would go jogging in this track at Baghdad University.
我有朋友会在巴格达大学的这条跑道上慢跑。
I'd go shopping every day.
我每天都会去购物。
And I felt totally safe.
我感到完全安全。
I would wander-- I can remember there would be these angry protests-- and I would wander into these protests of hundreds of screaming young men and interview them, and felt no fear.
我会漫步——我记得会有这些愤怒的抗议——我会漫步到数百名尖叫的年轻人的抗议中并采访他们，并且没有感到恐惧。
I don't think I was irresponsible.
我不认为我是不负责任的。
I had an awareness things could get out of control.
我意识到事情可能会失控。
But having a house seemed like the smart move.
但拥有一套房子似乎是明智之举。
It seemed like the clever, safe move, because we'd be off in the city somewhere, invisible.
这似乎是一个聪明、安全的举动，因为我们会在城市的某个地方，隐形。
It seemed so much smarter than being in one of these big compounds with lots and lots of foreigners that was like easy pickings for any insurgent.
这似乎比呆在这些有很多外国人的大院里要聪明得多，这对任何叛乱分子来说都是轻而易举的事。
And just lay out the finances.
并列出财务情况。
How much were you paying in rent?
你付了多少房租？
And what were the costs of this place?
这个地方的成本是多少？
Well, here's how I figured it.
嗯，这就是我的想法。
It was $14,000 every three months' rent.
每三个月的租金为 14,000 美元。
I knew I needed a staff, a couple security guards and a cleaning lady.
我知道我需要一名工作人员、两名保安和一名清洁女工。
So let's say with them it's $5,000 a month.
假设他们每月的收入为 5,000 美元。
We had five or six bedrooms.
我们有五六间卧室。
I had one British journalist who was committed to a little over $2,000 a month.
我有一位英国记者，他承诺每个月的收入略高于 2,000 美元。
Marketplace was going to throw $1,000 a month in, so I really only needed $2,000 a month.
Marketplace 每月投入 1,000 美元，所以我每月只需要 2,000 美元。
Marketplace was your employer at the time.
Marketplace 是您当时的雇主。
My employer at the time was going to give me $1,000 a month, Marketplace.
Marketplace 当时我的雇主每月给我 1,000 美元。
So all I needed was to make $2,000 a month and I had three bedrooms.
所以我所需要的只是每月赚 2,000 美元，而且我有三间卧室。
It seemed like a no-brainer.
这似乎是理所当然的。
Adam Davidson It seemed like a no-brainer.
亚当·戴维森 这似乎是理所当然的事。
You know, I started asking myself, "is it ethical for me to actually make money?" You know, "I'll probably rent each of those bedrooms out for over $1,000 a month.
你知道，我开始问自己，“我真正赚钱符合道德吗？”你知道，“我可能会以每月 1,000 美元以上的价格出租每间卧室。
So at the very least, maybe I won't pay anything, and maybe I'll even make money."
所以至少，也许我不会付任何钱，也许我还能赚钱。”
Given everything that happened in later months, I just can't help but laugh at this moment in time when you were feeling guilty at how you were going to be taking advantage of other people by making a profit, which you obviously never were able to do.
考虑到后来几个月发生的一切，当你为自己将如何通过获利来利用他人而感到内疚时，我忍不住笑了，而你显然永远无法做到这一点。
No, I'm still paying off.
不，我还在还钱。
I'm actually still-- I think I've got my debts, because of the house, down to about $4,000 now.
事实上，我认为我的债务，因为房子的缘故，现在已降至 4,000 美元左右。
Are you kidding?
你在开玩笑吧？
You still have $4,000 worth of debt from this house?
您还欠这所房子价值 4,000 美元的债务吗？
Yeah, which I owe my mom because she lent me the money.
是的，这是我欠我妈妈的，因为她借给我钱。
But yeah, I still owe $4,000 from the house, and it's-- you know, I left it two and a half years ago.
但是，是的，我仍然欠房子 4,000 美元，而且你知道，我两年半前就把它留下了。
How much have you paid off between when you left and now?
从你离开到现在，你还清了多少钱？
Oh my god, Adam.
天哪，亚当。
Adam Davidson Yeah.
亚当·戴维森 是的。
Which means my entire salary, plus Marketplace's expenses, plus $22,000 went into that place.
这意味着我的全部工资，加上 Marketplace 的开支，再加上 22,000 美元都投入了那个地方。
But let's go back before the debt, before everything that would happen later.
但让我们回到债务之前，回到以后发生的一切之前。
Just talk about what it was like in the beginning, because in the beginning, the house did seem to work like you wanted it to.
只谈谈一开始的情况，因为一开始，房子似乎确实按照你想要的方式工作。
Yeah, I mean, in the very beginning everything seemed to be working pretty well.
是的，我的意思是，一开始一切似乎都进展顺利。
Working pretty well how?
工作还不错怎么样？
How would a typical day go?
典型的一天会怎样度过？
You know, a typical morning is everyone goes out and reports their story.
你知道，一个典型的早晨是每个人都出去报告他们的故事。
But in the evenings, everyone comes back and we would just have these lovely dinner parties.
但到了晚上，每个人都会回来，我们就会举办这些可爱的晚宴。
We would have friends over for dinner from the hotels.
我们会请朋友从酒店过来吃晚饭。
People would come over, or from the other newspaper, radio, or TV houses would come over.
人们会过来，或者来自其他报纸、广播或电视台的人会过来。
And the wine tended to be pretty awful, but the beer was good, and you could get hard liquor.
酒往往很糟糕，但啤酒很好，而且你可以喝烈性酒。
And it was just really fun.
这真的很有趣。
And word would get out.
消息就会传出去。
One of the things I really loved about the house is the entire time I was in the house, the US was occupying Iraq.
我真正喜欢这所房子的一件事是，我在房子里的整个时间里，美国都在占领伊拉克。
And you would go to these kind of formal settings, and you'd meet these US occupying officials, and they were so tight-lipped, so on-message, so incapable of communicating.
你去这些正式的场合，你会见到这些美国占领官员，他们守口如瓶，消息灵通，无法沟通。
And so the ones I liked I'd invite over to the house.
所以我会邀请我喜欢的人来家里。
I mean, I genuinely liked them, but also we'd get them a little drunk on wine.
我的意思是，我真的很喜欢他们，但我们也会让他们喝得有点醉。
We'd tell them, hey, tonight everything's off the record.
我们会告诉他们，嘿，今晚一切都不再记录。
And we'd get real information.
我们会得到真实的信息。
I mean, that was how I found out that, even within the CPA, even within the US occupational forces, all these people running Iraq, people realized this is a disaster.
我的意思是，我就是这样发现的，即使在伊拉克共产党内部，即使在美国占领军内部，所有这些管理伊拉克的人都意识到这是一场灾难。
We were getting this public message from the White House and from the folks in Iraq that everything's going really well, we just don't know it.
我们从白宫和伊拉克人民那里得到了这样的公开信息：一切都进展顺利，只是我们不知道而已。
But we'd get these people over to our house, they'd have some wine, and they'd be like, "oh, it's so much worse than you know."
但我们会把这些人带到我们家，他们会喝点酒，然后他们会说，“哦，情况比你知道的要糟糕得多。”
And I liked hanging out the Iraqi staff, the guards and drivers.
我喜欢和伊拉克工作人员、警卫和司机在一起。
It was really fun.
真的很有趣。
One of the guards was a sheik of a tribe, and I would sit with him and learn tribal law, and how do you resolve conflicts.
其中一名守卫是部落的酋长，我会和他坐在一起学习部落法，以及如何解决冲突。
One of our nighttime guards had a small business.
我们的一位夜间警卫经营着一家小企业。
He had a little stationery shop, and I would learn from him about these new taxes that Shiite militias were charging, and the business people who were in favor of the resistance against the Americans.
他有一家小文具店，我会向他了解什叶派民兵征收的这些新税，以及支持抵抗美国人的商界人士。
But also, I didn't like all of our staff, but I liked a lot of our staff.
而且，我并不喜欢我们所有的员工，但我喜欢我们的很多员工。
I went to many of their houses for dinner, which is a big deal Iraq to have a guest for dinner.
我去他们家很多家吃饭，伊拉克请客人吃饭是件大事。
And all the time you were also learning Arab.
而且你一直在学习阿拉伯语。
And I was learning Iraqi Arabic.
我正在学习伊拉克阿拉伯语。
But it wasn't even just to learn.
但这不仅仅是为了学习。
It was just fun.
这很有趣。
You know, we would-- I don't know.
你知道，我们会——我不知道。
They were just funny, cool guys.
他们只是有趣、酷的家伙。
I liked a lot of them.
我喜欢他们中的很多人。
And then, at some point, things started to go wrong.
然后，在某个时刻，事情开始出错。
What first just started to kind of break down?
什么首先开始崩溃？
The truth is, things were going wrong from the very beginning.
事实是，事情从一开始就出了问题。
It was just a very slow process of realizing it.
这只是一个非常缓慢的实现过程。
I mean, one of the things, I had a translator who I was very close to and a driver I was very close to.
我的意思是，其中一件事是，我有一位与我非常亲近的翻译和一位与我非常亲近的司机。
And we are all good friends, so I get the house and before we even move in I say, "hey, I need security staff." So my driver and translator say, "oh, have we got the guys for you."
我们都是好朋友，所以我拿到了房子，在搬进去之前我就说：“嘿，我需要保安人员。”所以我的司机和翻译说：“哦，我们找到适合你的人了吗？”
Yeah.
是的。
So my driver-- let's call him Faras-- so Faras, my driver, says, "listen, my wife's father, you know, he was in the army.
所以我的司机——我们就叫他法拉斯吧——我的司机法拉斯说：“听着，我妻子的父亲，你知道，他在军队。
This is a guy who's a trained security man.
这是一个受过训练的保安人员。
He is hardcore." I hire him sight unseen.
他是铁杆。”我在看不见的情况下雇用了他。
I say, "sure.
我说：“当然。
He sounds perfect." [?
他听起来很完美。” [？
Abu Rasheed ?] is going to be my nighttime guard.
阿布·拉希德？] 将成为我的夜间警卫。
[?
[？
Abu Rasheed ?] shows up.
阿布·拉希德？] 出现。
He's this short, very overweight, late 50s guy.
他是个身材矮小、体重超重的 50 多岁的家伙。
Walks in, first question: "where do I sleep?"
走进去，第一个问题：“我睡哪里？”
That is not a promising start for the nighttime security guard.
对于夜间保安来说，这并不是一个有希望的开始。
And he didn't seem to know how to use a gun, and I didn't have the guts to fire him.
而且他似乎不知道怎么用枪，我也没有勇气开枪打死他。
So he stayed on throughout.
所以他全程留下来。
Then my translator proposed his uncle, first to be a driver for some of the people who lived in the house.
然后我的翻译建议他的叔叔首先担任一些住在房子里的人的司机。
But on the first day he went out with one of my friends, it turned out he spoke no English whatsoever and didn't know Baghdad at all because he was from Najaf.
但在他和我的一个朋友出去的第一天，结果发现他根本不会说英语，而且根本不了解巴格达，因为他来自纳杰夫。
He actually was kind of a big, tough-looking guy, kind of growly.
他实际上是一个身材高大、外表坚韧、脾气暴躁的家伙。
He seemed to know how to use a gun.
他似乎知道如何使用枪。
But then I learned the reason he had moved to Baghdad from Najaf was his father was the leader of the Baath party in Najaf, and Najaf is the capital of the Shiite world.
但后来我了解到他从纳杰夫搬到巴格达的原因是他的父亲是纳杰夫复兴党的领导人，而纳杰夫是什叶派世界的首都。
It is the most anti-Baathist part of Iraq.
它是伊拉克最反复兴党的地区。
At the time, there were death squads going around killing former Baathists, and so--
当时，有敢死队到处杀害前复兴社会党分子，所以——
He needed to get out of town.
他需要离开城镇。
Adam Davidson He needed to get out of town, and he came to our house to be our guard.
亚当·戴维森（Adam Davidson）他需要出城，他来到我们家当我们的警卫。
Because, when you're an American in Baghdad, it always helps to also have a former Baathist Shiite guy in your house who is on the run from death squads.
因为，当你是巴格达的美国人时，家里有一个正在躲避敢死队的前复兴党什叶派成员总是有帮助的。
Guarding your house.
守护你的家。
Adam Davidson Guarding your house.
亚当·戴维森 守护你的房子。
So very quickly there was a lot of competition.
所以很快就出现了很多竞争。
The driver wanted more of his relatives and fewer of the translator's relatives, and vice versa.
司机想要多一些他的亲戚，少一些翻译的亲戚，反之亦然。
Because we were the one place that was filled with a constantly shifting array of freelancers-- people who needed drivers and translators-- we ended up being a gathering point for all these different Iraqi drivers and translators for hire.
因为我们是一个充满了不断变化的自由职业者（需要司机和翻译的人）的地方，所以我们最终成为所有这些不同的伊拉克司机和翻译的聚集点。
And someone would come and work with a guest for a few weeks, and then they'd just sort of hang out and wait for the next guest.
有人会来与一位客人一起工作几周，然后他们就只是闲逛并等待下一位客人。
And it took me way too long to realize that these guys were form-- the different drivers and translators, I mean, there could be days where there was a dozen or more-- they were forming different alliances.
我花了很长时间才意识到这些人——不同的司机和翻译，我的意思是，有时可能有十几个或更多——他们正在形成不同的联盟。
They tended to mostly be Shiite because they all knew each other.
他们大多是什叶派，因为他们都互相认识。
There was a few Sunnis, but mostly Shiite.
有一些逊尼派，但大多数是什叶派。
But they'd be from different neighborhoods, from different tribes.
但他们来自不同的社区、不同的部落。
They'd have different backgrounds.
他们有不同的背景。
So there would be factions fighting each other, and there was just a lot of manipulation, a lot of anger.
所以会有派系互相争斗，并且有很多操纵，很多愤怒。
The hardest thing: I really wanted to fire a few people.
最难的事情：我真的很想解雇几个人。
I felt they weren't doing their job.
我觉得他们没有做好自己的工作。
And I never could.
而我却永远不能。
I got to know them all so well.
我对他们都很了解。
I knew how desperate they were, how poor they were, how much they needed the money.
我知道他们有多么绝望，他们有多么贫穷，他们多么需要钱。
The average government ministry employee was making $20 a month.
政府部门雇员的平均月薪为 20 美元。
And every problem that came up I dealt with by throwing money at it.
出现的每一个问题我都是通过砸钱来解决的。
So I didn't like the guards, but I didn't fire them or cut their pay.
所以我不喜欢这些警卫，但我没有解雇他们或削减他们的工资。
I hired additional guards.
我雇佣了额外的警卫。
The guests weren't buying enough food, I would pay more money for more food.
客人买的食物不够，我会花更多的钱买更多的食物。
I remember one day-- the house came with this kind of old, cranky generator that always had a lot of problems.
我记得有一天，房子里装了一台老旧的、脾气暴躁的发电机，总是有很多问题。
That was another big money drain.
这是另一笔巨额资金流失。
We were constantly hiring people to come fix it.
我们不断地雇用人员来修复它。
So it dies, 4:45 PM, before the big Eid, which is a week-long holiday.
所以它在下午 4:45 结束，在盛大的开斋节之前，这是一个为期一周的假期。
Nothing's open.
什么都没有开放。
No stores are open.
没有商店开门。
Everything's closed.
一切都关闭了。
And we drive like crazy.
我们疯狂地开车。
There's one store open.
有一家商店还在营业。
They have one generator.
他们有一台发电机。
And the guy, the salesmen or the owner immediately knows.
那个人、推销员或店主立刻就知道了。
He's got you.
他有你。
Adam Davidson He charged me like $5,500, way more than I want to spend, but I just shelled the money out immediately.
Adam Davidson 他向我收取了 5,500 美元的费用，远远超过了我想要花的钱，但我立即把钱花掉了。
Then we had to hire a guy with a truck to carry the thing with one of these giant cranes, and then to take away the old generator, and to install the new generator.
然后我们不得不雇一个开卡车的人用一台巨型起重机来搬运东西，然后拿走旧发电机，并安装新发电机。
And then we had to hire a team of electricians to plug it in.
然后我们不得不聘请一组电工来将其插入。
I don't even remember, it was several hundred dollars.
我也不记得了，大概是几百块吧。
We had two refrigerators when we started.
刚开始的时候我们有两台冰箱。
They both broke.
他们都崩溃了。
The microwave broke.
微波炉坏了。
So I had to buy new fridges.
所以我不得不买新冰箱。
I had to buy new microwaves.
我不得不买新的微波炉。
And my financial account-keeping was ridiculous.
我的财务账目管理也很荒谬。
I had a drawer.
我有一个抽屉。
When people paid me money for staying in the house, I'd throw it in the drawer.
当人们付钱给我住在房子里时，我会把它扔进抽屉里。
When there was an expense, I'd take it out of the drawer.
当有开支时，我会把它从抽屉里拿出来。
But then I started putting my own money.
但后来我开始投入自己的钱。
Like, Marketplace would wire me my salary and I'd start putting that in the drawer.
就像，Marketplace 会把我的工资电汇给我，然后我就开始把它放进抽屉里。
And I just was not in any serious way keeping track.
我只是没有以任何认真的方式进行跟踪。
I remember there was a moment-- and this should have been a big warning sign; this should have been the sign I need to get out-- I remember spending an afternoon looking at bed and breakfast management software.
我记得有那么一刻——这应该是一个很大的警告信号；这应该是我需要离开的标志——我记得花了一个下午的时间查看住宿加早餐管理软件。
There's actually an amazing number of software programs for people managing beds and breakfasts.
实际上，用于管理床铺和早餐的软件程序数量惊人。
You're in the middle of a war zone looking at software to help you manage the house that you had originally decided to rent in order to make your life easier and cheaper.
您正处于战区之中，正在寻找软件来帮助您管理您最初决定租用的房子，以使您的生活更轻松、更便宜。
Yes.
是的。
And all the software was like $500.
所有软件的价格都在 500 美元左右。
I decided not to do it, but I should have.
我决定不这样做，但我应该这样做。
But the thing that just, when I think about it even now, two and a half years later, I just get tired, what I think of is closing the door to my bedroom, closing my eyes, and someone is knocking at the door.
但是，两年半后的现在，当我想起这件事时，我只是感到疲倦，我想到的是关上卧室的门，闭上眼睛，有人在敲门。
Bringing you a problem.
给你带来一个难题。
Adam Davidson Bringing me a problem.
亚当·戴维森给我带来了一个问题。
Journalists or Iraqis?
记者还是伊拉克人？
Adam Davidson Journalists and Iraqis both.
亚当·戴维森是记者，也是伊拉克人。
They would come to my door, they'd knock on my door.
他们会来到我的门前，敲我的门。
[KNOCKING SOUND] "Adam, Abu Faisal has left his truck here for three days.
[敲门声]“亚当，阿布·费萨尔把他的卡车留在这里三天了。
He's only leaving his truck here so that no other driver will come, but I want my cousin, who's a driver, to come.
他把他的卡车留在这里只是为了避免其他司机来，但我希望我的司机表弟来。
You have to tell Abu Faisal to leave."
你必须告诉阿布·费萨尔离开。”
So I go to Abu Faisal.
所以我去了阿布费萨尔。
"Abut Faisal, why is your truck here?"
“费萨尔，你的卡车怎么在这里？”
"Oh, my truck's here just for you, Adam.
“哦，我的卡车是专门为你准备的，亚当。
It's just so I can be here.
只是为了让我能在这里。
I want to be ready to go at 3:00 in the morning.
我想在凌晨 3:00 准备好出发。
If there's a problem, I can come rescue you and take you away."
如果有什么问题，我可以来救你，然后带你走。”
How do I resolve that?
我该如何解决这个问题？
I don't know who to trust.
我不知道该相信谁。
I don't know what to deal with.
我不知道该怎么处理。
But I'm the guy who's going to solve it.
但我是那个要解决这个问题的人。
[KNOCKING SOUND] "Mr. Adam, you have given Abu Faisal the last four guests to drive, but my cousin, Abu Enmar, is a better driver than him, and he has a nicer car, and he knows Baghdad even more better than Abu Faisal.
[敲门声]“先生。亚当，你让阿布·费萨尔最后四位客人开车，但我的表弟阿布·恩马尔比他更好，他有一辆更好的车，而且他比阿布·费萨尔更了解巴格达。
Why don't you let him drive?"
为什么不让他开车？”
"Mr. Adam, Abu Faris is telling us that you said that he can take $10 from every driver because he's managing the drivers now.
“先生。 Adam，Abu Faris 告诉我们，你说他可以从每个司机那里拿走 10 美元，因为他现在正在管理司机。
Is this true?"
这是真的吗？”
"No." "Well, then you must tell Abu Faris."
“不。” “好吧，那你必须告诉阿布·法里斯。”
"Just don't"-- Nancy Updike Don't give him--
“只是不要”——南希·厄普代克 不要给他——
"Just don't give him the money.
“只是不要给他钱。
Don't give him the money."
别给他钱。”
And then the journalists.
然后是记者。
[KNOCKING SOUND]
[敲击声]
Knock on the door.
敲门。
"Adam, hey, sorry to bother you, man.
“亚当，嘿，抱歉打扰你了，伙计。
Hey, do you know who in the press center handles questions about embeds?"
嘿，你知道新闻中心的谁负责处理有关嵌入的问题吗？”
"Yeah.
“是的。
Um, hang on.
嗯，坚持住。
I'll get you his cell phone."
我把他的手机给你拿来。”
And then I close my eyes.
然后我闭上眼睛。
[KNOCKING SOUND]
[敲击声]
"Adam, the internet's down again.
“亚当，互联网又瘫痪了。
Can you look at that?" Or, "Adam, the generator's not working and I don't know how to talk to the guard because he doesn't speak English.
你能看一下吗？”或者，“亚当，发电机坏了，我不知道如何与警卫交谈，因为他不会说英语。
Can you tell him that we've got to get the generator working?"
你能告诉他我们必须让发电机运转起来吗？”
[KNOCKING SOUND] "Adam, man, we're running low on water."
[敲门声]“亚当，伙计，我们的水快用完了。”
"Yeah, can you get water, actually?
“是啊，你能喝点水吗？
Because I don't think you've gotten water."
因为我认为你没有得到水。”
"Yeah, but hey, man, I'm on deadline.
“是的，但是嘿，伙计，我已经到了截止日期。
I've got to"--
我必须”——
"All right, just tell your driver to get water."
“好吧，告诉你的司机去拿水吧。”
"Well, my driver doesn't know where to get water, and he doesn't know what kind of water."
“嗯，我的司机不知道去哪里取水，也不知道什么样的水。”
"All right, all right.
“好吧，好吧。
I'll take care of it."
我会处理的。”
So here's the package of things that were happening in the house: steadily worsening security, proliferation of unexpected costs, lack of reliable accounting, and all of this stitched together with a kind of cheery American can-do spirit that completely underestimated the magnitude of what you'd taken on.
所以这就是房子里发生的一揽子事情：安全状况不断恶化，意外成本激增，缺乏可靠的会计，所有这些都与一种乐观的美国进取精神结合在一起，这种精神完全低估了你所承担的事情的规模。
Now, that all sounds very familiar.
现在，这一切听起来都很熟悉。
Yeah.
是的。
I mean, I do think that my experience is a reasonable metaphor for the overall American effort there.
我的意思是，我确实认为我的经历是对美国在那里的整体努力的合理比喻。
You know, I chose the wrong staff.
你知道，我选错了员工。
I chose the wrong strategy to think about this as a business.
我选择了错误的策略来将其视为一项业务。
I had the wrong stance in terms of security.
我在安全方面的立场是错误的。
And the bombings increased.
爆炸事件增加了。
We'd hear more and more bombing.
我们会听到越来越多的爆炸声。
We'd hear more and more about bombings that killed people.
我们会听到越来越多关于造成人员伤亡的爆炸事件。
There was a few very big car bombs.
有几枚非常大的汽车炸弹。
And as things got worse outside, things got more frenzied inside.
随着外面的情况变得更糟，里面的事情也变得更加疯狂。
And we-- I mean, I remember we shifted from beer to hard liquor.
我们——我的意思是，我记得我们从啤酒转向烈性酒。
We started drinking more heavily.
我们开始酗酒。
We started drinking to get drunk.
我们开始喝酒是为了喝醉。
I know that there were people in the house-- in Iraqi pharmacies, you can just walk in and buy liquid Valium-- I never did, but other people started swigging liquid Valium.
我知道家里有人——在伊拉克药店，你可以走进去买液体安定——我从来没有这样做过，但其他人开始大口喝液体安定。
There were people who were smoking a lot of hash, which I never did, but there were other people doing that.
有些人吸了很多大麻，我从来没有吸过，但也有其他人这样做。
I think that's a combination of things.
我认为这是多种因素综合作用的结果。
I mean, I think part of it is the outside got worse.
我的意思是，我认为部分原因是外部环境变得更糟。
We were living in a much more dangerous environment.
我们生活在一个更加危险的环境中。
So obviously, it just causes tension.
显然，这只会造成紧张。
Optimism was plummeting.
乐观情绪直线下降。
If the first six months or so after the fall of Baghdad it was reasonable to think, "you know, things aren't going that well, but someone's going to figure it out, it's going to get back on track," it no longer seemed reasonable.
如果巴格达陷落后的前六个月左右，人们可以合理地认为，“你知道，事情进展得不太顺利，但有人会解决这个问题，它会回到正轨”，但它似乎不再合理了。
It seemed pretty clear that things were going to get worse and worse and worse.
很明显，事情会变得越来越糟。
And obviously they have.
显然他们已经做到了。
So this is actually the point in your stay in Baghdad when I went to Baghdad to report there for about a month.
所以这实际上就是我去巴格达报道一个月左右时你在巴格达逗留的时间点。
And you were excited about your house.
你对你的房子感到很兴奋。
You showed me all around the house.
你带我参观了房子。
And I saw you, over the course of this month, get scared.
我看到你在这个月里感到害怕。
And it seemed like a few things happened in rapid succession that really spooked you.
似乎有几件事接连发生，确实让你感到害怕。
There were some specific things that happened to me, personally.
就我个人而言，有一些具体的事情发生在我身上。
One thing is I had a leading tribal sheik whose tribe is in Anbar province, whose tribe is one of the tribes fighting the Americans.
有一件事是，我有一位领先的部落酋长，他的部落位于安巴尔省，他的部落是与美国人作战的部落之一。
And I thought of him as a good friend, and he was my escape valve.
我认为他是一个好朋友，他是我的逃生阀。
I'd already worked it out: if things get really bad, he was going to smuggle me out of the country and take care of me.
我已经想好了：如果情况真的变得很糟糕，他就会把我偷偷带出国来照顾我。
And two people came up to me, two separate people came up to me and said, "you know, that sheik who you're friends with, he's telling people you're a CIA agent.
有两个人走到我面前，两个不同的人走到我面前说：“你知道，那个和你是朋友的酋长，他告诉人们你是中央情报局特工。
Oh my god.
我的天啊。
Adam Davidson Which for many parts of Iraq, that's a death sentence.
亚当·戴维森（Adam Davidson） 对于伊拉克的许多地方来说，这相当于死刑。
You don't want anyone to think you're a CIA agent.
你不想让任何人认为你是中央情报局特工。
I now think that he was actually showing off, but it's a weird way to show off since it put my life at risk.
我现在认为他实际上是在炫耀，但这是一种奇怪的炫耀方式，因为它会让我的生命处于危险之中。
So that was very scary.
所以这非常可怕。
Then this driver, the driver who wanted to be the head driver of our house, he had left his big SUV in our driveway.
然后这个司机，那个想成为我们家首席司机的司机，他把他的大SUV留在了我们的车道上。
And because the other drivers got mad, I forced him to take the SUV out.
因为其他司机生气了，我强迫他把SUV开出去。
And the driver community, the foreign press driver community in Iraq was small enough, the way I put it together now, he felt kind of humiliated that he got kicked out of my house.
司机社区，伊拉克的外国媒体司机社区很小，我现在把它放在一起，他感到有点羞辱，因为他被赶出了我的房子。
And so he didn't want to tell other people that he left because I told him to.
所以他不想告诉其他人他离开是因为我告诉他的。
He told people, "oh, I left because Adam's house is under surveillance and the insurgents are going to attack it." I don't think that was true, but I was getting-- people were telling me that.
他告诉人们，“哦，我离开是因为亚当的房子受到监视，叛乱分子要袭击它。”我不认为这是真的，但我得到——人们告诉我这一点。
And it's pretty terrifying when people start telling you your house could be attacked.
当人们开始告诉您您的房子可能会受到袭击时，这是非常可怕的。
And in a weird way, the scariest thing was this: I was at the Hamrah Hotel having drinks with some friends and I had to go home, and I got a cab.
奇怪的是，最可怕的事情是这样的：我在哈姆拉酒店和一些朋友喝酒，我不得不回家，我打了一辆出租车。
And I got in the cab.
我上了出租车。
And I speak Arabic pretty well.
我阿拉伯语说得很好。
I was telling him where my house was.
我告诉他我家在哪里。
And it was a cab driver, I've never seen this guy before in my life.
那是一名出租车司机，我以前从未见过这个人。
And I'm telling him where my house is, and he says, "oh, you mean Mr. Adam's house." And I just found that absolutely chilling.
我告诉他我的房子在哪里，他说：“哦，你是说亚当先生的房子。”我发现这绝对令人不寒而栗。
This man I've never seen before, doesn't know I'm Mr. Adam, knows where Mr. Adam's house is.
这个我以前从未见过的人，不知道我是亚当先生，也不知道亚当先生的房子在哪里。
Because up to this point, you'd thought-- your security plan was to sort of fly under the radar.
因为到目前为止，您认为您的安全计划是在雷达下飞行。
Right.
正确的。
The whole point of the house was, if there's some insurgent who wants to kidnap or kill an American journalist, he's going to go to the hotel.
这栋房子的全部意义在于，如果有叛乱分子想要绑架或杀害美国记者，他就会去酒店。
I'm going to be off in a neighborhood somewhere.
我要去附近的某个地方。
He doesn't even know where I am.
他甚至不知道我在哪里。
So to find out--
所以要找出——
That a random cab driver-- Adam Davidson That a random cab driver knows where my house is, knows that there's a Western journalist named Mr. Adam living in this house, that means a lot of people know that.
随机的出租车司机——亚当·戴维森 随机的出租车司机知道我的房子在哪里，知道有一位名叫亚当先生的西方记者住在这所房子里，这意味着很多人都知道这一点。
And that means that if there's an insurgent out there who wants to kidnap or kill an American, why go to a hotel which has all this security when you can just go to this house?
这意味着，如果那里有叛乱分子想要绑架或杀害美国人，当你可以去这所房子时，为什么还要去一家拥有所有这些安全措施的酒店呢？
And that was really terrifying to me.
这对我来说真的很可怕。
And then a bunch of other things happened.
然后发生了很多其他事情。
This was about the year anniversary of the war.
这大约是战争一周年。
I think people were very fed up.
我认为人们已经厌倦了。
It's right around the time where it just felt like the whole country was sort of realizing, oh, man, there's just no hope.
就在那时，感觉整个国家都在意识到，哦，伙计，根本没有希望。
The Mount Lebanon Hotel bombing, which I think was the first day you were there.
黎巴嫩山酒店爆炸案，我想那是你在那里的第一天。
And I remember you were talking to Iraqi kids-- there were some young boys who were playing around there-- and they were saying, "oh, the Americans did this.
我记得你正在和伊拉克孩子们交谈——有一些小男孩在那里玩耍——他们说，“哦，美国人这么做了。
The Americans."
美国人。”
Yeah, everybody.
是的，大家。
It was this weird thing where--
这是一件奇怪的事情——
I mean, "the Americans had bombed the hotel." This is what they were saying.
我的意思是，“美国人轰炸了酒店。”这就是他们所说的。
That the Americans had bombed the hotel.
美国人轰炸了酒店。
I remember there was this huge crater.
我记得那里有一个巨大的陨石坑。
There were car parts everywhere in this crater.
这个火山口里到处都是汽车零件。
It was so obviously a car bomb.
这显然是汽车炸弹。
But everyone was saying it was an American RPG.
但每个人都说这是一款美式角色扮演游戏。
And everyone was saying it was an American missile.
每个人都说这是美国导弹。
And I remember one guy saying, "if this had been a car bomb, you'd see car parts.
我记得一个人说，“如果这是一枚汽车炸弹，你会看到汽车零件。
Why are there no car parts?" I'm like, "but there's nothing but car parts." He's like, "oh, no. That's from a different car."
为什么没有汽车零件？”我想，“但是除了汽车零件什么都没有。”他说，“哦，不。那是另一辆车的。”
It was the first crowd of Iraqis angry at us.
这是第一批对我们感到愤怒的伊拉克人。
Not angry--
不生气——
About the bombing.
关于爆炸事件。
Adam Davidson About the bombing and telling us about it, but angry at us.
亚当·戴维森（Adam Davidson）关于爆炸事件并向我们讲述了此事，但对我们感到愤怒。
That felt scary.
那感觉很可怕。
And then, one of my friends, who's like a much more seasoned war correspondent, sat me down and said, "because you've had all these American officials at your house, this house is a legitimate military target."
然后，我的一位朋友，就像一位经验丰富的战地记者，让我坐下来说，“因为你家里有所有这些美国官员，所以这座房子是合法的军事目标。”
Because you were bringing people from the Coalition Provisional Authority.
因为你带来了联军临时当局的人。
You were bringing soldiers.
你带着士兵。
We were bringing the occupational forces to our house.
我们正在把占领军带到我们家。
And we were one of the few unprotected places in Baghdad where people had seen American-- could have seen.
我们是巴格达为数不多的不受保护的地方之一，人们可以看到美国人——本来可以看到的。
I don't know if anyone did see, but could have seen American officials.
我不知道是否有人看到，但可能看到美国官员。
And when this guy who said this to you, did you think, "you know, I was thinking of myself as separate from the occupation and other people.
当这个人对你说这句话时，你是否认为，“你知道，我认为自己与职业和其他人是分开的。
Iraqis are sort of mistaking me as being part of it?" And did you realize, "oh, wait, I'm part of this in some way that I hadn't understood up until now or I hadn't wanted to see or accept?"
伊拉克人有点误以为我是其中的一部分？”你是否意识到，“哦，等等，我以某种方式参与其中，但我直到现在才理解，或者我不想看到或接受？”
I certainly started to get that that's how Iraqis perceived.
我当然开始明白这就是伊拉克人的看法。
I think for all my difference-- learning Iraqi Arabic, living in the city, becoming friends with Iraqis, traveling the city-- you know, I misread the place pretty badly.
我想，尽管我有很多不同——学习伊拉克阿拉伯语、住在城市、与伊拉克人成为朋友、在城市旅行——你知道，我对这个地方的理解非常严重。
I ended up making some really bad calls.
我最终做出了一些非常糟糕的决定。
And it's also funny.
这也很有趣。
Like, we don't get Shiites and Sunnis and Kurds.
就像，我们没有什叶派、逊尼派和库尔德人。
We don't get the difference between a kind of poorly educated Shiite who lives in Sadr City as different from a middle class Shiite who lives in [?
我们不明白居住在萨德尔城的受教育程度较低的什叶派与居住在[？
Qadisiya.
卡迪西亚。
?] These are all things completely lost to the Americans.
？】这些都是美国人彻底失去的东西。
But to the Iraqis, they don't get us.
但对于伊拉克人来说，他们不明白我们的意思。
You know, they don't get that some Americans are Republican loyalists, and others are anti-war activists, and others are journalists who really want to just know the truth.
你知道，他们不知道有些美国人是共和党的忠实拥护者，另一些美国人是反战活动家，还有一些美国人是真正想了解真相的记者。
Just like we don't understand them, they don't understand us.
就像我们不理解他们一样，他们也不理解我们。
Adam Davidson with Nancy Updike.
亚当·戴维森和南希·厄普代克。
Since returning to America, Adam joined the staff of NPR's daily news programs.
回到美国后，亚当加入了 NPR 每日新闻节目的工作人员。
He now covers the global economy for them.
他现在为他们报道全球经济。
He wrote about his house in Baghdad in Harper's Magazine.
他在《哈泼斯》杂志上写到了他在巴格达的房子。
Coming up, when the plan you invented for yourself at 11 years old ends up dominating the rest of your life.
即将到来，当你 11 岁时为自己制定的计划最终主宰你的余生时。
That's in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International, when our program continues.
稍后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our show, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's show, My Brilliant Plan, stories of plans that arrive in a flash of inspiration, and then what happens to them.
今天的节目《我的辉煌计划》讲述了灵感闪现的计划的故事，以及它们后来发生的事情。
We've arrived at Act Two, Tragedy Minus Time Equals Happily Ever After.
我们已经到了第二幕，悲剧减去时间等于从此幸福快乐。
OK, so there's this guy and he has a very simple problem: he wants to see his dead father again.
好吧，有一个人，他有一个非常简单的问题：他想再次见到他死去的父亲。
And he comes up with what is possibly the world's most complicated solution to this problem.
他想出了可能是世界上最复杂的解决方案来解决这个问题。
It's so complicated that to fully understand his solution, you would need to master the following disciplines.
它非常复杂，要完全理解他的解决方案，您需要掌握以下学科。
Ordinary calculus, or multi-variable calculus, differential equations, partial differential equations, vector analysis, vector calculus, matrix analysis, tensor calculus, group theory, and, oh, Green's functions.
普通微积分，或多变量微积分，微分方程，偏微分方程，向量分析，向量微积分，矩阵分析，张量微积分，群论，还有，哦，格林函数。
Right, and that's just the math.
是的，这只是数学。
You also need to know physics, theoretical mechanics, electrodynamics, quantum mechanics and general relativity.
你还需要了解物理学、理论力学、电动力学、量子力学和广义相对论。
If you know all of these things, you'd be able to get what he's done, which is to take the first baby step in maybe getting to see his father again.
如果你知道所有这些事情，你就能够理解他所做的事情，那就是迈出第一步，也许可以再次见到他的父亲。
OK, here it is, his invention.
好吧，这就是他的发明。
Omega is equal to g times row divided by a times cq.
Omega 等于 g 乘以 row 除以 a 乘以 cq。
This is the key equation.
这是关键方程。
Josh Gleason explains this very complicated and brilliant plan, and what all this means.
乔什·格里森（Josh Gleason）解释了这个非常复杂而出色的计划，以及这一切意味着什么。
Actually, even before you understand the math and the physics and the seemingly impossible goal that Ron Mallett has spent more than 50 years trying to achieve, you need to understand something much simpler, which is how much Ron loved his dad, Boyd Mallett.
事实上，即使在你了解数学和物理以及 Ron Mallett 花了 50 多年试图实现的看似不可能的目标之前，你也需要了解一些简单得多的事情，那就是 Ron 有多么爱他的父亲 Boyd Mallett。
Lots of 10-year-old boys feel like there's nothing their Dad can't do, but in Ron's case, there was hard evidence.
许多 10 岁的男孩都觉得他们的爸爸无所不能，但在罗恩的例子中，有确凿的证据。
He wired their train set to obey voice commands.
他给他们的列车设置了电线，使其服从语音命令。
At parties in their Bronx apartment, he'd rig the toilet so that when someone opened the lid, music would play.
在布朗克斯公寓的聚会上，他会安装马桶，这样当有人打开盖子时，就会播放音乐。
He had helped wire the new United Nations building in Manhattan, but his main job was fixing TVs and radios.
他曾帮助为曼哈顿新联合国大楼布线，但他的主要工作是修理电视和收音机。
Ron adored his father so much that he says his day only really began in the evenings when his dad came home from work.
罗恩非常崇拜他的父亲，他说他的一天只有在晚上父亲下班回家时才真正开始。
He'd meet him at the subway and carry his toolbox home.
他会在地铁里遇见他，然后把他的工具箱带回家。
As the oldest son, I felt like the heir apparent, and he treated me that way.
作为长子，我感觉自己是法定继承人，他也这样对待我。
In fact, as I got older, he would actually take me and show me the parts of the television set.
事实上，随着我年龄的增长，他实际上会带我去看电视机的各个部分。
I can remember him telling me about the yolk that was supporting the television tube and everything.
我记得他告诉我有关支撑电视显像管的蛋黄和其他一切的事情。
So he was actually grooming me to be part of his world.
所以他实际上是在培养我成为他世界的一部分。
So that there was just, for me, this aura around him.
所以对我来说，他周围只有这种光环。
It's like a prince around the king.
就像国王身边有王子一样。
On the night of his parents' 11th wedding anniversary, after a party at their house, Ron woke up to the sound of his mother crying.
在父母结婚 11 周年纪念日的那天晚上，罗恩在家里举行了一场聚会后，被母亲的哭泣声吵醒了。
He wandered into his parents' bedroom and saw his father lying dead on the bed.
他走进父母的卧室，看到父亲死在床上。
He'd had a massive heart attack.
他心脏病发作得很厉害。
For Ron, this was almost impossible to comprehend.
对于罗恩来说，这几乎是无法理解的。
He was 10 years old.
那年他10岁。
It was like Superman had just died.
就像超人刚刚死了一样。
I don't know.
我不知道。
It's so hard to describe the feeling of anguish and total loss that I felt, even then.
即使在那时，我也很难描述我所感受到的痛苦和完全失落的感觉。
It was just like he was the most important thing in my life.
就好像他是我生命中最重要的人一样。
He was the center of my universe.
他是我宇宙的中心。
So, if he had said, you know, "will you come with me," and I knew that that would be the end of everything for me, I would have gone gladly without even a second's hesitation.
所以，如果他说，你知道，“你愿意和我一起去吗？”我知道这对我来说就是一切的结束，我会毫不犹豫地欣然离开。
Ron became a different kid after that.
从那以后罗恩就变成了一个不同的孩子。
He stopped being interested in friends or school.
他对朋友或学校不再感兴趣。
He stopped caring about pretty much everything.
他几乎不再关心一切。
The only thing he wanted to do was read.
他唯一想做的事就是读书。
His dad had introduced him to this series of comics called Classics Illustrated based on classic books.
他的父亲向他介绍了这套根据经典书籍改编的漫画，名为《经典画报》。
And it was one of these comics that led to his big plan, the plan that would become the focus of his life for the next 50 years.
正是其中一本漫画催生了他的宏伟计划，这个计划将成为他未来 50 年生活的焦点。
The comic was The Time Machine, based on the book by H.G.
这部漫画是《时间机器》，改编自 H.G.
Wells, and Ron remembers the moment he first saw it on the rack at the drugstore.
威尔斯和罗恩还记得他第一次在药店的货架上看到它的那一刻。
On the cover was a picture of this guy working on a futuristic machine that had wires and tubes coming out of it.
封面上有一张照片，照片上这个人在一台未来机器上工作，机器里有电线和管子。
And there were a bunch of tools laying around, the same tools that Ron's dad had used.
周围有一堆工具，和罗恩的父亲用过的工具一样。
In fact, the picture looked incredibly similar to one Ron had of his father working behind a giant TV set.
事实上，这张照片看起来与罗恩拍摄的他父亲在一台巨型电视机后面工作的照片非常相似。
And I still remember reading those words that were in there on the first page of it, saying that time is a kind of space and we can go forward and backward in time just as we can in space.
我还记得读过它第一页上的那些话，说时间是一种空间，我们可以在时间中前进和后退，就像在空间中一样。
And that hit me.
这击中了我。
I mean, that hit me so hard.
我的意思是，这对我打击很大。
I knew immediately what that would have to mean, that if you had a machine that could travel forward in time and backward in time, then, with that machine, I could go back in time, when my father was still alive.
我立刻就知道这意味着什么，如果你有一台可以向前和向后旅行的机器，那么，有了这台机器，我就可以回到过去，当我父亲还活着的时候。
I have to say, that was the defining moment, besides my father's death, of my life, was seeing that comic.
我不得不说，除了我父亲的去世之外，那是我一生中最决定性的时刻，就是看那部漫画。
And I remember getting it and reading it cover to cover again and again and again.
我记得我拿到了它，一遍又一遍地读它。
And I felt, this is it.
我觉得，就是这样了。
This is it.
就是这样。
This is the key.
这是关键。
This is the thing that I have to do.
这是我必须做的事情。
I have to find a way of building a time machine.
我必须找到一种建造时间机器的方法。
And that became my goal.
这成为了我的目标。
It became my total obsession.
它成了我的全部痴迷。
Fascinating.
迷人。
What is it?
它是什么？
Movie Character 2 This is only a small experimental model, of course.
电影角色 2 当然，这只是一个小型实验模型。
Ron saw the movie version of the book five times.
罗恩看了这本书的电影版五次。
To carry a man, a larger edition is needed.
为了承载一个人，需要更大的版本。
To carry a man?
去背一个男人？
Where?
在哪里？
Movie Character 2 Into the past or into the future.
电影角色2 进入过去或未来。
He always sat fifth row center, always alone.
他总是坐在第五排中间，总是一个人。
He recognized from the moment he got his idea that it had to be a secret.
从他得到这个想法的那一刻起，他就意识到这必须是一个秘密。
Like I said, he'd read a lot of these Classics Illustrateds, including some based on Shakespeare.
就像我说的，他读过很多经典插图，包括一些基于莎士比亚的作品。
I knew Hamlet.
我认识哈姆雷特。
I actually knew what it meant when people thought that people were crazy.
我实际上知道当人们认为人们疯了时意味着什么。
And I knew that that was not a thing that you wanted to have people know about you, and I thought people would think that this was crazy.
我知道这不是你想让人们了解你的事情，我认为人们会认为这很疯狂。
First, let me tell you how it works.
首先，让我告诉你它是如何工作的。
Here, in this compartment, you see the saddle where the time traveler sits.
在这个隔间里，你可以看到时间旅行者坐的马鞍。
Forward pressure sends the machine into the future, backward pressure into the past.
向前的压力使机器进入未来，向后的压力使机器进入过去。
So Ron started building his time machine on the sly, down in the basement.
于是罗恩开始在地下室偷偷地建造他的时间机器。
Not even his brothers knew what he was doing.
就连他的兄弟们也不知道他在做什么。
He figured if he could build a machine that looked exactly like the picture on the cover of the book, it would work.
他认为如果他能制造出一台与书封面上的图片一模一样的机器，那么它就能发挥作用。
He would go back in time and warn his father that he was going to die if he didn't take care of his heart problem.
他会回到过去警告他的父亲，如果他不处理好他的心脏问题，他就会死。
He went to the junkyard and started collecting things: tire rims, a bicycles seat, anything that looked like the stuff on the comic book cover.
他去了垃圾场，开始收集东西：轮胎圈、自行车座，以及任何看起来像漫画书封面上的东西。
He raided his dad's old equipment, picking out wires, vacuum tubes, an old radio chassis.
他搜查了父亲的旧设备，找出电线、真空管和旧收音机底盘。
For weeks he'd rushed home from school so he could work on the time machine.
几个星期以来，他一直从学校赶回家，这样他就可以在时间机器上工作。
Finally, he was done.
最后，他完成了。
I thought that this was going to work, because you know, if I plugged it in, just like my father when he would work on the sets-- when he plugged it in, it worked-- this was going to work.
我认为这会起作用，因为你知道，如果我把它插上，就像我父亲在片场工作时一样——当他插上它时，它就起作用了——这就会起作用。
And there was a cord and I plugged it in, and it was nothing.
有一根电线，我把它插上，但什么也没有。
I was disappointed.
我很失望。
But the thing is, is that that's when I began to think, you know, I've got to read the story again.
但问题是，就在那时我开始想，你知道，我必须再读一遍这个故事。
That's when I decided to go to the real book.
就在那时我决定去看真正的书。
Because I figured, well, maybe there's not enough details in the Classic Illustrated, so if I go to the original book, it'll have more detailed instructions.
因为我想，也许经典插图中没有足够的细节，所以如果我去看原著，它会有更详细的说明。
This is the part of the story where kids like you and me and kids like Ron part ways, because most kids would give up at this point, but Ron didn't do that.
这是故事的一部分，像你和我这样的孩子和像罗恩这样的孩子分道扬镳，因为大多数孩子在这一点上都会放弃，但罗恩没有这样做。
Instead, he became even more determined to figure out a way to build a time machine.
相反，他更加坚定地想找到一种建造时间机器的方法。
He struggled through the adult version of Wells's book, and this was a kid who had pretty much given up on school.
他艰难地读完了威尔斯的书的成人版，而这是一个几乎放弃了学业的孩子。
He began spending his lunch money on science paperbacks at the local Salvation Army.
他开始把午餐钱花在当地救世军的科学平装本上。
This left him eating so little and getting so scrawny that he eventually became anemic, and his mom had to start packing him lunches.
这让他吃得很少，变得骨瘦如柴，最终变得贫血，他的妈妈不得不开始给他准备午餐。
Here's the other unusual thing about Ron.
这是罗恩的另一件不寻常的事情。
He's the rare person whose life was shaped almost entirely by books, one after the other.
他是一位罕见的人，他的生活几乎完全由一本又一本的书籍塑造。
In fact, nearly every big change in his life, every major decision, can be traced directly to something he read.
事实上，他生活中的几乎每一个重大变化、每一个重大决定都可以直接追溯到他读过的东西。
When he was 12, for instance, he found a copy of The Universe and Dr. Einstein.
例如，当他 12 岁时，他发现了一本《宇宙和爱因斯坦博士》。
He had heard the name Einstein before, and the book had a picture of an hourglass on the cover, which he knew was a symbol for time.
他以前听说过爱因斯坦这个名字，这本书的封面上有一个沙漏的图片，他知道这是时间的象征。
For me, the notion of time was abstract.
对我来说，时间的概念是抽象的。
But then, in this book, it actually represented-- this is going to sound like a very simple thing-- but it represented time by a symbol: t.
但是，在这本书中，它实际上代表了——这听起来像是一件非常简单的事情——但它用一个符号来代表时间：t。
That was the next important thing in my life, because here was an articulation.
这是我生命中的下一件重要的事情，因为这是一个清晰的表达。
It made time no longer an abstract concept.
它让时间不再是一个抽象的概念。
It made time an object.
它使时间成为一个对象。
And what it said in the book was that-- which, I didn't understand the equation, now don't get me wrong.
书中所说的是——我不明白这个方程式，现在请不要误会我的意思。
I didn't understand the equation, but I understood that Einstein said that time could be changed by motion.
我不明白这个方程，但我明白爱因斯坦说时间可以通过运动改变。
So you asked, why didn't I think it was crazy.
所以你问，为什么我不认为这很疯狂。
It was because everyone said this great genius Einstein, you know, he knows everything, if he says time can be changed, then time can be changed and a time machine is possible.
因为大家都说爱因斯坦这个伟大的天才，你知道，他什么都知道，如果他说时间可以改变，那么时间就可以改变，时间机器是可能的。
The equation he's talking about here is called the Lorentz transformation, and Ron treated it like some holy mantra.
他在这里谈论的方程称为洛伦兹变换，罗恩将其视为某种神圣的咒语。
He wrote it all over his school notebooks.
他把这些都写在了学校的笔记本上。
Needless to say, he wasn't very popular.
不用说，他不太受欢迎。
In fact, he had no friends at all.
事实上，他根本没有朋友。
He was a nerd who couldn't even hang out with other nerds.
他是一个书呆子，甚至不能和其他书呆子一起出去玩。
In the school, there would have been other nerds, but I was an African American kid.
在学校里，会有其他书呆子，但我是一个非裔美国孩子。
I was not in the upper-- I wasn't in that income group where I would have been able to run with the white nerds of the-- you know what I'm saying?
我不属于上层——我不属于那个收入群体，在那里我可以与白人书呆子一起运行——你知道我在说什么吗？
You see what I'm saying?
你明白我在说什么吗？
You have to remember, we're talking about the '50s here.
你必须记住，我们现在谈论的是 50 年代。
And the white community had the key club and the science club, and I was not a part of any of these groups.
白人社区有关键俱乐部和科学俱乐部，而我不属于这些团体中的任何一个。
Ron forced himself to study math and electronics, all in the service of the time machine.
罗恩强迫自己学习数学和电子学，这一切都是为了时间机器。
When he finished high school, he immediately enlisted in the Air Force so he could go to college on the G.I.
高中毕业后，他立即加入了空军，这样他就可以靠退伍军人身份进入大学。
Bill.
账单。
He trained as an electrical engineer and read whatever he could get his hands on, anything that seemed like it might help him figure out how time worked, even books he really had no hope of understanding, as if he could absorb them by sheer force of will.
他接受过电气工程师培训，阅读任何他能找到的东西，任何看起来可以帮助他弄清楚时间如何运作的东西，甚至是他根本无法理解的书，仿佛他可以通过纯粹的意志力吸收它们。
Eventually, he learned enough to realize that he was on the wrong track.
最终，他学到了足够多的知识，意识到自己走错了路。
It wasn't electronics he needed to know.
他需要知道的不是电子产品。
It was something called quantum mechanics.
这就是所谓的量子力学。
He needed to become a physicist.
他需要成为一名物理学家。
He got his PhD and became a tenured professor at the University of Connecticut.
他获得了博士学位并成为康涅狄格大学的终身教授。
And somewhere along the way, he figured out how to talk to women and got married.
一路走来，他学会了如何与女人交谈并结婚了。
But all this time, he never forgot about the time machine.
但一直以来，他都没有忘记时光机。
You'd think that the more he learned, the more ridiculous his idea might seem to him, but the opposite happened.
你可能会认为他学得越多，他的想法就越荒谬，但事实恰恰相反。
Every shred of information he collected seemed to confirm that time travel may be possible.
他收集的每一条信息似乎都证实了时间旅行是可能的。
While he felt comfortable telling his wife about his dream, he never told anyone at the university.
虽然他很乐意告诉妻子他的梦想，但他从未告诉过大学里的任何人。
Already he was worried about being taken seriously in the physics world as an African American.
他已经担心作为一名非裔美国人在物理学界会受到认真对待。
But to be a black physicist obsessed with time travel, that seemed like a double whammy he could never get away with.
但作为一名痴迷于时间旅行的黑人物理学家，这似乎是他永远无法摆脱的双重打击。
Since he couldn't do out-and-out research on time travel, he became an expert in the next best thing: black holes, which had been shown to twist time.
由于他无法对时间旅行进行彻底的研究，因此他成为了次佳事物的专家：黑洞，它已被证明可以扭曲时间。
But after a couple decades studying cosmic solutions-- worm holes, cosmic strings-- his plan was stalled, and Ron was getting discouraged.
但在研究了宇宙解决方案——虫洞、宇宙弦——几十年后，他的计划陷入了停滞，罗恩变得灰心丧气。
It's great if you have a way of harnessing a worm hole or a black hole or cosmic strings, but these are things out there.
如果你有办法利用虫洞、黑洞或宇宙弦，那就太好了，但这些都是外面的东西。
I wanted something that would be in a laboratory, something that would be a device, something that was close to the time traveler in The Time Machine.
我想要一个实验室里的东西，一个装置，一个接近《时间机器》中时间旅行者的东西。
So that was the problem, and I didn't feel like I was getting closer to that.
这就是问题所在，但我感觉自己并没有离这个问题越来越近。
And it was driving me to distraction.
这让我心烦意乱。
You might say it was sort of a desert period.
你可能会说那是一段沙漠时期。
If you looked at what was happening in my professional life, I mean, I was publishing, I got my professorship.
如果你看看我的职业生涯中发生的事情，我的意思是，我在出版，我得到了教授职位。
But if you looked at what was happening to me inside of my personal life, I was beginning to emotionally shut down.
但如果你看看我个人生活中发生的事情，我开始在情感上封闭。
I began thinking I had been wasting all of my life, that this goal of the time machine was not something that was achievable.
我开始认为我已经浪费了我的一生，时间机器的这个目标是不可能实现的。
Even his wife, Dorothy, who had been supportive of his obsession all these years, couldn't console him.
就连多年来一直支持他痴迷的妻子多萝西也无法安慰他。
I would come home and she would ask me how things were going, and I would just simply say, OK.
我回到家，她会问我事情进展如何，我只会简单地说，好吧。
And then I would go up to my room to go to bed and lay there all the rest of the night, and not talk to her.
然后我会回到自己的房间去睡觉，整晚都躺在那里，不跟她说话。
And think about what?
想想什么？
Ron Mallett And actually just think about how wasted my life felt, how what I was doing just wasn't meaningful, and just that I just failed myself.
罗恩·马利特：事实上，想想我的生命是多么的浪费，我所做的事情是多么没有意义，而且我只是让自己失败了。
And I just-- you know, I was listening to old Simon & Garfunkel songs.
我只是——你知道，我在听西蒙和加芬克尔的老歌。
Like what songs?
比如什么歌？
Ron Mallett Oh, you know, "Hello Darkness, my old friend.
罗恩·马利特哦，你知道，“你好达克尼斯，我的老朋友。
I've come to talk to you again." You know, things like that.
我又来找你说话了。”你知道，诸如此类的事情。
[MUSIC - "THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE" BY SIMON & GARFUNKEL]
[音乐 - 西蒙和加芬克尔的《沉默之声》]
You have to remember, here I am, from 11 all the way up through the service, all the way up-- I mean, my identity is wrapped up in this thing, this time machine.
你必须记住，我在这里，从 11 一直到服务，一直到——我的意思是，我的身份被包裹在这个东西里，这个时间机器里。
I mean, that's my identity now.
我的意思是，这就是我现在的身份。
To lose that dream was now like losing my identity.
现在失去这个梦想就像失去我的身份一样。
Because my identity-- if I don't have this goal of the time machine, then what do I have?
因为我的身份——如果我没有时间机器这个目标，那我还有什么？
And that was it.
就是这样。
It was like, nothing.
就像什么都没有。
He hadn't built a time machine, but all the years of trying to build it had basically accomplished the same thing: it let him live in the past.
他没有建造过时间机器，但多年来尝试建造它的努力基本上完成了同一件事：它让他生活在过去。
He imagined the scene over and over, what it would be like to see his father again.
他一遍又一遍地想象着那个场景，再次见到父亲会是什么样子。
He'd knock at the apartment door, 11B, and see this young guy, now both shorter and younger than himself, and calmly tell him that although he knew it sounded crazy, time travel was possible.
他会敲敲公寓的门，11B，看到这个年轻人，现在比自己矮，也比自己年轻，然后平静地告诉他，虽然他知道这听起来很疯狂，但时间旅行是可能的。
He'd mention Einstein and use TV as an analogy, how sending pictures through space wasn't all that different from sending people through time.
他会提到爱因斯坦，并用电视来比喻，通过太空传送图片与通过时间传送人并没有什么不同。
And then he'd show him family photos.
然后他会给他看家庭照片。
He'd say, "this is your family in the future."
他会说：“这就是你以后的家人。”
"One of the things I'm trying to tell you is that you are not in these pictures, later pictures.
“我想告诉你的一件事是，你不在这些照片中，后来的照片中。
And the reason why you're not is the reason why I'm here." And I would say, "you know, I know that you're going to have a hard time understanding or believing this, but I am your son.
你不在的原因正是我在这里的原因。”我会说，“你知道，我知道你会很难理解或相信这一点，但我是你的儿子。
I am your son.
我是你的儿子。
And I come from another time.
而我来自另一个时代。
And I'm here to tell you that you are going to die, and you're going to die in the near future.
我在这里告诉你，你会死，而且在不久的将来你就会死。
And that's why you're not in these pictures.
这就是为什么你不在这些照片中。
These are pictures of your family without you.
这些是没有你的家人的照片。
And the reason that you're not is because of the fact that you smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, you don't take care of yourself, you've got a very weak heart.
而你之所以不这样，是因为你每天抽两包烟，你不照顾自己，你的心脏很虚弱。
If you change, you will live.
如果你改变，你就会活下去。
And that's what I've come here to tell you."
这就是我来这里要告诉你的。”
And the thing is, is that I would hope that I would convince him of that, but I also know that there's a chance that he might not believe me.
问题是，我希望我能让他相信这一点，但我也知道他可能不相信我。
I also know that one of the other things I would tell him, which I know that I never had a chance to tell him when I was a child, is that I loved him.
我还知道我要告诉他的另一件事，我知道我小时候从未有机会告诉他，那就是我爱他。
And of course, just the physical thing of seeing him real and alive and hearing that voice again that I only heard, can really remember from audio tapes, just to hear that again.
当然，只是亲眼目睹他真实存在，再次听到那个我只听到过的声音，我真的可以从录音带中记住，只是为了再次听到那个声音。
[TYPING SOUNDS] So what you're going to see here are four intersecting laser beams that will be making up a ring laser, but you'll be seeing-- how many layers were you able to get?
[打字声音] 所以您将在这里看到四束相交的激光束，它们将构成环形激光器，但您会看到 - 您能够获得多少层？
One, two, three, four.
一、二、三、四。
Ron Mallett You were able to get four layers?
Ron Mallett 你能得到四层吗？
When he was 57, Ron finally made his time machine, or at least a model, anyway.
57 岁时，罗恩终于制造出了他的时间机器，或者至少是一个模型。
He showed it to me in his lab in the woods, and the fact that it exists at all is sort of surprising.
他在树林里的实验室里向我展示了它，它的存在这一事实有点令人惊讶。
Through most of his 40s, he got more and more despondent.
在他40多岁的大部分时间里，他变得越来越沮丧。
His marriage had broken up and he'd basically given up on the time machine.
他的婚姻破裂了，他基本上放弃了时间机器。
To give himself something new to focus on, he married again and concentrated on his new family.
为了让自己有新的关注点，他再次结婚并专注于他的新家庭。
But then heart problems forced him to take a medical leave from the university.
但后来心脏问题迫使他从大学请病假。
He realized he couldn't stand the thought of dying without giving the time machine one last shot.
他意识到自己无法忍受不给时间机器最后一击就死去的念头。
He threw himself again into research.
他再次投入研究。
if you look up through here, you actually can see down through the center of the square.
如果你从这里向上看，你实际上可以看到广场的中心。
That's where the neutron would be coming up through.
这就是中子通过的地方。
Ron worked for weeks and weeks solving hundreds of equations by hand, using number two pencils on legal pads, sometimes for 15 hours a day, and ended up with a four-page paper which presented that equation you heard at the beginning of the story.
罗恩花了数周的时间，用二号铅笔在便笺本上手工求解数百个方程，有时一天工作 15 个小时，最后得到了一篇四页纸的论文，其中介绍了你在故事开头听到的方程。
Omega is equal to g times row divided by a times c cubed, which basically says that light, not just matter, can affect gravity, which could lead to a twisting of time.
欧米伽等于 g 乘以行除以 a 乘以 c 的立方，这基本上表明光，而不仅仅是物质，可以影响重力，这可能导致时间扭曲。
This model is the practical result of his math.
这个模型是他数学的实际结果。
It's about the size of a blender, a cylinder with four layers of red light beams shining through it.
它大约有搅拌机大小，是一个圆柱体，有四层红色光束穿过它。
The idea is that the small, high intensity rings of light can actually alter gravity within the machine, sort of like a spoon stirring coffee in a cup.
这个想法是，小而高强度的光环实际上可以改变机器内的重力，有点像勺子在杯子里搅拌咖啡。
And as Einstein said, when you alter gravity, you affect time.
正如爱因斯坦所说，当你改变重力时，你就会影响时间。
To test the machine, you drop in a neutron, like dropping a sugar cube into that same cup of swirling coffee, and see what happens.
为了测试机器，你需要放入一个中子，就像将一块方糖放入同一杯旋转的咖啡中一样，然后看看会发生什么。
This is only a small experimental model, of course.
当然，这只是一个小型实验模型。
To carry a man, a larger edition is needed.
为了承载一个人，需要更大的版本。
Ron published his findings.
罗恩发表了他的发现。
And even though the idea was only a theoretical basis for a time machine, nowhere near the actual thing, it turned out that people were really, really interested in time machines.
尽管这个想法只是时间机器的理论基础，与实际情况相去甚远，但事实证明人们对时间机器真的非常感兴趣。
The magazine New Scientist ran a cover article on him.
《新科学家》杂志刊登了一篇关于他的封面文章。
After more than 40 years of working in secret, Ron was finally out of the closet as a guy who was seriously studying time travel.
经过四十多年的秘密工作，罗恩终于公开了自己是一个认真研究时间旅行的人。
When that came out, I remember turning on my email-- I was used to getting a couple of emails every day-- I remember turning it on one day and it was lit up.
当它出来时，我记得打开我的电子邮件——我习惯了每天收到几封电子邮件——我记得有一天打开它，它亮了。
I mean, it was like hundreds of emails from all over the world.
我的意思是，这就像来自世界各地的数百封电子邮件。
And I started getting interviews from everywhere asking about this new work that I was doing.
我开始收到来自各地的采访，询问我正在做的这项新工作。
Even though other people were accepting of it-- and I have to say, it's even now I feel like, you know, they really aren't carting me away.
尽管其他人也接受了这一点——我不得不说，即使是现在我也觉得，你知道，他们真的没有把我带走。
[LAUGHING]
[笑]
Finally, he presented his work before other physicists at the Third International Association for Relativistic Dynamics Conference in Washington, DC.
最后，他在华盛顿特区举行的第三届国际相对论动力学协会会议上向其他物理学家展示了他的工作。
In the audience was Bryce DeWitt, a contemporary of Einstein's and a physics giant, who had helped pioneer a new approach to quantum mechanics.
观众中有布莱斯·德威特（Bryce DeWitt），他是爱因斯坦的当代人，也是物理学巨人，帮助开创了一种新的量子力学方法。
After his presentation, Ron told the physicist about his father and why he was so interested in time travel.
演讲结束后，罗恩向这位物理学家讲述了他的父亲以及他为什么对时间旅行如此感兴趣。
What I didn't expect-- DeWitt asked a technical question with some of the other people, but then when the question and answer period was over, he actually said, to the whole audience, he said, well, "I don't know whether you'll ever see your father again, but he would have been proud of you." And I have to tell you,--
我没想到的是——德威特向其他一些人问了一个技术问题，但当问答时间结束时，他实际上对全体观众说，“我不知道你们是否会再次见到你们的父亲，但他会为你们感到骄傲。”我必须告诉你，——
Is that not something you had thought of before?
这难道不是你之前想到的吗？
I wouldn't have thought of it just in that way.
我不会这么想的。
But you know, I would have.
但你知道，我会的。
But it's one thing when you think about, well, you know, I'm proud of what I've done, or my father might be proud of-- it's a whole different thing when it's someone totally independent of you.
但当你想到，嗯，你知道，我为自己所做的事情感到自豪，或者我的父亲可能会为之感到自豪时，这是一回事——当这是完全独立于你的人时，那就完全是另一回事了。
DeWitt's statement was a validation to me of my life, because here was this great man saying, "your father would be proud of you." I mean, it was like, to me, it couldn't get better than that.
德威特的声明是对我一生的肯定，因为这位伟人说：“你的父亲会为你感到骄傲。”我的意思是，对我来说，没有比这更好的了。
But something else happened at the conference, too.
但会议上还发生了其他事情。
DeWitt had said this other thing, that he didn't know if Ron would ever see his father again.
德威特还说过另一件事，他不知道罗恩是否还能再见到他的父亲。
And Ron started to puzzle over that, over why DeWitt would say that.
罗恩开始对此感到困惑，为什么德威特会这么说。
And then he sort of sheepishly realized something he'd never taken a moment to think through, which is that his time machine would never work, at least not the way he wanted it to.
然后他有点不好意思地意识到一些他从未花时间思考的事情，那就是他的时间机器永远不会工作，至少不会按照他想要的方式工作。
Maybe he'd be able to stir up time inside the machine, but if Ron followed his own equations to their logical conclusion, the furthest he'd ever be able to go back is the moment the machine was first switched on.
也许他能够搅动机器内部的时间，但如果罗恩遵循他自己的方程式得出逻辑结论，他最远能回到的就是机器第一次打开的那一刻。
So he wouldn't be able to return to the 1950s to save his father.
所以他无法回到1950年代拯救他的父亲。
Weirdly, Ron says he wasn't devastated when he realized that.
奇怪的是，罗恩说当他意识到这一点时，他并没有感到沮丧。
For most of his life, he'd held on to this plan he invented as an 11-year-old.
在他一生的大部分时间里，他一直坚持他在 11 岁时发明的这个计划。
He turned himself into a scientist, sacrificed his marriage, and worked in secret for decades.
他把自己变成了一名科学家，牺牲了自己的婚姻，秘密工作了几十年。
And finally, in his 50s, without him ever really noticing, the plan he made as a boy got replaced with a more adult plan, one based on an adult's understanding of what was actually possible.
最后，在他 50 多岁的时候，在他没有真正注意到的情况下，他小时候制定的计划被一个更成人的计划所取代，这个计划基于成年人对实际可能性的理解。
So by the time he found out he'd never see his father again, he didn't need to.
所以当他发现自己再也见不到父亲的时候，他已经不需要了。
Josh Gleason in Portland, Maine.
乔什·格里森在缅因州波特兰。
Ron Mallett has a memoir about his dad and his research called Time Traveler.
罗恩·马利特有一本关于他父亲和他的研究的回忆录，名为《时间旅行者》。
Well, our program was produced today by Sarah Koenig and myself with Alex Blumberg, Diane Cook, Jane Feltes, Lisa Pollak, and Nancy Updike.
好吧，我们今天的节目是由莎拉·科尼格（Sarah Koenig）和我本人以及亚历克斯·布伦伯格（Alex Blumberg）、黛安·库克（Diane Cook）、简·费尔特斯（Jane Feltes）、丽莎·波拉克（Lisa Pollak）和南希·厄普代克（Nancy Updike）制作的。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Adrianne Mathiowetz runs our website.
阿德琳娜·马修韦茨 (Adrianne Mathiowetz) 负责运营我们的网站。
Production help from Seth Lind and Emily Youssef.
Seth Lind 和 Emily Youssef 为制作提供帮助。
Music help from Jessica Hopper.
杰西卡·霍珀的音乐帮助。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight for our program by Mr. Torey Malatia, who explains how he hooked up with his best friend Urkel.
[资金来源] Torey Malatia 先生对我们的项目进行 WBEZ 管理监督，他解释了他是如何与他最好的朋友 Urkel 交往的。
I wasn't in that income group where I would have been able to run with the white nerds.
我不属于那个可以与白人书呆子一起跑步的收入群体。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。