316: The Cat Came Back - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #316 | August 18, 2006 316: The Cat Came Back Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 316 集 | 2006 年 8 月 18 日 316：猫回来了 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
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如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
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Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life, distributed by Public Radio International.
序言 Ira Glass 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥，这就是美国生活，由国际公共广播电台发行。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
And to explain what we're doing on today's show, let's just begin with a little story.
为了解释我们今天的节目要做什么，让我们从一个小故事开始。
My parents said that we should have a dog.
我父母说我们应该养一只狗。
But didn't want to have a dog that was going to be all doggy.
但又不想养一只永远都是狗的狗。
This is Alex Blumberg, one of the producers of our show.
这是亚历克斯·布隆伯格，我们节目的制片人之一。
This is the irony.
这就是讽刺。
They did a lot of research to find the dog that would be the least hassle.
他们做了很多研究来找到最不麻烦的狗。
And wait, what were the specific hassles that they were trying to avoid?
等等，他们试图避免的具体麻烦是什么？
The were trying to avoid loud, slobbery, sheddy.
他们试图避免大声说话、流口水、流口水。
OK.
好的。
Alex Blumberg And they did avoid those sorts of hassles.
Alex Blumberg 他们确实避免了这些麻烦。
But what they didn't know is that they were trading it in for a whole other set of hassles that were much larger and much worse than they ever could have imagined.
但他们不知道的是，他们正在用它来换取一系列其他麻烦，这些麻烦比他们想象的要大得多、要糟糕得多。
What they got is they settled on a Basenji.
他们最终选择了巴森吉犬。
Yeah.
是的。
They're sort of a rare breed of African hound.
它们是一种稀有品种的非洲猎犬。
They're barkless.
它们没有吠叫。
Our dog would howl occasionally.
我们的狗偶尔会嚎叫。
Yeah, they can't bark, but they can howl.
是的，它们不会吠叫，但它们会嚎叫。
That's like saying somebody, they can't talk, but they can scream.
这就像说某人，他们不能说话，但他们可以尖叫。
They're a mute, except for the ability to yell at you.
他们是哑巴，除了对你大喊大叫的能力。
Exactly.
确切地。
Ira Glass Trumpkin-- they named him Trumpkin-- howled all the time.
艾拉·格拉斯·特朗普金——他们给他起名叫特朗普金——一直嚎叫。
And the howling was a lot louder and weirder than barking.
而且嚎叫声比狗叫声更大更奇怪。
And Basenjis, Alex says, they're just a strange breed.
亚历克斯说，巴森吉犬只是一个奇怪的品种。
It's a weird line, and it hasn't been domesticated as much as other dogs.
这是一条奇怪的线，而且它没有像其他狗那样被驯化。
And so they're really, really wild-looking and feeling.
所以它们的外观和感觉真的非常非常狂野。
Most dogs, they interact with you, and they wag their tails.
大多数狗与你互动时都会摇尾巴。
And they come up and the pant.
他们上来了，裤子也上来了。
He wasn't like that at all.
他根本不是那样的人。
He was wily and disobedient.
他狡猾又不听话。
When they left him inside the house, he would rip apart the sofa cushions and the pillows, and destroy the furniture.
当他们把他留在屋里时，他会撕碎沙发垫和枕头，并毁坏家具。
When they put him out in the backyard, he would tunnel out in hours.
当他们把他放在后院时，他会在几个小时内挖出隧道。
He'd pick fights with cars.
他会和汽车打架。
He was fast enough to catch squirrels, so there were always squirrel carcasses all over the block.
他的速度足够快，可以抓住松鼠，所以整个街区总是有松鼠的尸体。
He'd overturn trash cans.
他会打翻垃圾桶。
He'd disappear for days.
他会消失好几天。
The day Alex's family moved to Cincinnati, Trumpkin ran across the street and ate the bunnies, real bunnies, that the little girl across the street had just been given for Easter.
亚历克斯一家搬到辛辛那提的那天，特鲁姆普金跑过马路，吃了兔子，真正的兔子，是街对面的小女孩刚收到的复活节礼物。
And it was impossible to get him back in once he was out.
而且一旦他出去了，就不可能再让他回来了。
Eventually, he would just come back in.
最终，他还是会回来。
You'd just let him roam his path of destruction through the neighborhood until he finally--
你只要让他在附近的破坏之路上漫步，直到他最终——
His killing spree.
他的杀人狂潮。
Alex Blumberg --until he finally tired himself out.
亚历克斯·布隆伯格——直到他最终精疲力竭。
And then he would eventually come back at night, exhausted.
然后他最终会在晚上回来，筋疲力尽。
Covered in blood.
浑身是血。
Alex Blumberg Covered in blood, or beat up, or bitten through.
亚历克斯·布隆伯格 (Alex Blumberg) 浑身是血，或者被殴打，或者被咬穿。
That was the other thing.
那是另一回事。
He didn't just pick on smaller animals.
他不只挑选较小的动物。
There was all these other neighborhood dogs, and he was constantly-- I think especially the Irish setter, I don't remember his name.
附近还有其他所有的狗，而他总是——我想尤其是爱尔兰塞特犬，我不记得他的名字了。
But he was constantly pushing that Irish setter's buttons.
但他不断地触动那位爱尔兰二传手的按钮。
The Irish setter was much bigger than him.
爱尔兰塞特犬比他大得多。
And they were constantly getting in fights.
而且他们还经常打架。
He was constantly getting in fights that he lost.
他不断地参加战斗，但最终都输掉了。
But on the bright side, to get back to the family's original desires for a dog, he didn't shed.
但好的一面是，为了回到家人最初对狗的渴望，他没有脱毛。
He didn't slobber.
他没有流口水。
It had been six months or a year of him destroying all our furniture and tipping over garbage cans and enraging our neighbors and running away and getting in fights.
他毁坏了我们所有的家具，打翻了垃圾桶，激怒了我们的邻居，并逃跑并打架，这已经是六个月或一年的时间了。
And so my parents decided that they'd had enough.
所以我的父母决定他们已经受够了。
So they gave him away.
所以他们把他送了出去。
And they explained it to us that he just was not a city dog.
他们向我们解释说他不是一只城市狗。
And they gave him to this couple who owned a farm in Indiana.
他们把他送给了一对在印第安纳州拥有一座农场的夫妇。
And he was going to be much happier than he would be cooped up in our house.
他会比被关在我们家里快乐得多。
So Indiana from Cincinnati, how far is that?
印第安纳州距辛辛那提有多远？
Just over the border in Indiana.
就在印第安纳州边境那边。
So he was maybe 40 miles away, 35, something like that.
所以他大概在 40 英里之外，35 英里之类的。
But of course, I was heartbroken.
但当然，我心碎了。
And I would come home from school every day.
我每天都会放学回家。
And I'd be just so depressed that he wasn't there.
如果他不在场我会非常沮丧。
And I remember crying myself to sleep.
我记得我自己哭着睡着了。
Alex's mom and dad say that shortly after the couple from Indiana took the dog, something started to happen.
亚历克斯的妈妈和爸爸说，这对来自印第安纳州的夫妇带着这只狗后不久，就发生了一些事情。
I don't know how long it was, but we began getting some phone calls, I would say they were two or three, from people saying that they thought they had our dog, but he got away.
我不知道过了多久，但我们开始接到一些电话，我想说是两三个电话，人们说他们以为他们抓到了我们的狗，但他逃跑了。
Or we had your dog in our backyard, and he escaped.
或者我们把你的狗放在后院，但它逃跑了。
Or we had your dog tied to a rope, and he chewed through it.
或者我们把你的狗绑在绳子上，然后他把绳子嚼碎。
He had a tag, of course, with our name on it, and our number.
当然，他有一个标签，上面有我们的名字和电话号码。
And every time the call came, it would be a little bit closer to us.
每次电话打来，它离我们都会更近一些。
And then my mother was driving home from work on her usual route.
然后我母亲按照她平常的路线开车下班回家。
She was going down this highway called Columbia Parkway, which is four lanes.
她正沿着这条名为哥伦比亚大道的高速公路行驶，该高速公路有四车道。
And I see, trotting along the road, Trumpkin.
我看到，沿着路小跑的，特鲁姆普金。
And he was trotting along in the direction of our house from the direction of Indiana.
他正从印第安纳州的方向朝我们家的方向小跑。
And it was rush hour.
当时正值高峰时间。
Cars are whizzing by.
汽车呼啸而过。
And before she even gets to him, he recognizes the sound of our Datsun station wagon.
还没等她走到他身边，他就听出了我们达特桑旅行车的声音。
Come on.
快点。
Alex Blumberg And, my mother told me this story, spun his head around and then started chasing the car.
亚历克斯·布隆伯格 然后，我妈妈给我讲了这个故事，然后他转过头去追那辆车。
And she was like, the jig is up.
她说，一切都结束了。
He's coming back.
他回来了。
So I might as well make it easy for him.
所以我还是让他轻松一点吧。
I pulled over quickly and opened the door, and he jumped in and sat on my lap and yodeled.
我迅速把车停在路边，打开车门，他跳上车，坐在我的腿上唱起了岳德尔歌。
That's what Basenji's do when they're extremely happy.
这就是巴辛吉人非常高兴时所做的事情。
Oh, the word that Alex uses for that is "howl."
哦，亚历克斯用的词是“嚎叫”。
Yeah, howl or yodeled.
是的，嚎叫或约德尔歌。
Ira Glass So he shows up back, and you take a breath and you say, OK, I guess I've got to deal with this.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）于是他回来了，你吸了一口气，然后说，好吧，我想我必须处理这个问题了。
Were you happy, or were you resigned, or were you a little of each?
你是高兴，还是辞职，或者两者都有一点？
I think I was more resigned than anything else.
我想我比其他任何事情都更加顺从。
Yeah.
是的。
You weren't happy.
你不高兴。
Alex Blumberg's Father No.
亚历克斯·布隆伯格的父亲No.
[LAUGHTER] Ira Glass Trumpkin had always been so aloof, Alex says, and then he came all that way to be back with them.
[笑声]艾拉·格拉斯·特鲁普金 (Ira Glass Trumpkin) 一直都很冷漠，亚历克斯说，然后他千里迢迢地回来和他们在一起。
It was quite an amazing gesture.
这是一个非常惊人的举动。
It was sort of touching.
这有点感人。
And I think that's sort of like, it did made us think differently, it made me think differently about him, a little bit, I think even then.
我认为这有点像，它确实让我们有了不同的想法，这让我对他有了不同的看法，我想即使在那时，也有一点。
That I was like, wow, he really-- we felt very loved by him and very special in his eyes.
我当时想，哇，他真的——我们感到他非常爱我们，在他眼中非常特别。
And it was hard not to feel the same way after that.
在那之后很难不产生同样的感觉。
You know that song, "The Cat Came Back," that old camp song?
你知道那首歌“猫回来了”，那首古老的营地歌曲吗？
That's it.
就是这样。
Ira Glass That's your dog, man.
艾拉·格拉斯 那是你的狗，伙计。
That's the dog, right.
就是那只狗，对吧。
Trumpkin had a million lives.
特鲁姆普金有百万条生命。
He definitely felt indestructible.
他绝对感觉坚不可摧。
I saw him.
我看到他了。
I saw his head get run over by a car.
我看到他的头被车碾过。
Come on.
快点。
Alex Blumberg I did.
亚历克斯·布隆伯格 我做到了。
It ran over his nose and front foot.
它跑过他的鼻子和前脚。
And he popped up, and he came back, and he was all dazed.
他突然出现，又回来了，他整个人都茫然了。
I saw it happen.
我看到它发生了。
And that happened over and over and over.
这种事一遍又一遍地发生。
Literally, I think he got hit five time by a car.
从字面上看，我认为他被车撞了五次。
After a while of all of this, did it seem like he had a supernatural power?
经过一段时间的磨合，他是不是有一种超凡的力量？
Oh, yeah, definitely.
哦，是的，当然。
It definitely did.
确实如此。
Towards the end of his life, they took him to the vet for something or another, and they did an x-ray.
在他生命的最后时刻，他们带他去看兽医，并做了 X 光检查。
And on the x-ray, there was all these glowing points all over his body where angry neighbors had shot him with a BB pellet.
在 X 光片上，他的全身都出现了这些发光点，愤怒的邻居用 BB 弹射击了他。
He was glowing with BB pellets.
他身上散发着 BB 弹的光芒。
It's a supernatural quality, the whole thing that's like that song, "The Cat Came Back." You know the song I'm talking about?
这是一种超自然的品质，就像那首歌“猫回来了”一样。你知道我说的那首歌吗？
In each verse, the cat is drowned, or he's shot, or he's electrocuted or given away.
在每一节经文中，猫要么被淹死，要么被枪杀，要么被电死，要么被送走。
And then in the chorus, the cat comes back the very next day, no matter how impossible that would be.
然后在副歌部分，猫第二天就回来了，不管那是多么不可能。
They took him down to Cape Canaveral, put him into place.
他们把他带到卡纳维拉尔角，把他安置在适当的位置。
They shot him in a satellite up into outer space.
他们用一颗卫星将他射杀到外太空。
They thought that the cat was beyond human reach, but then they got a phone call from Miami Beach.
他们以为这只猫是人类无法触及的，但随后他们接到了迈阿密海滩打来的电话。
Then the cat came back, the very next day, blah blah blah, you know.
然后猫就回来了，第二天，等等等等，你知道。
OK, the song actually dates to 1893, written by a man named Harry Miller.
好吧，这首歌实际上可以追溯到 1893 年，由一位名叫 Harry Miller 的人创作。
And people have probably added hundreds of grisly verses of the song over the years.
多年来，人们可能已经在这首歌中添加了数百首恐怖的诗句。
It is possibly, and I know that it's hard to generalize with this kind of thing, but it is possibly the most gruesome kids' song ever.
有可能，我知道很难对这种事情一概而论，但这可能是有史以来最可怕的儿童歌曲。
They sneaked him in a shop with the butcher not around.
他们把他偷偷带进一家商店，屠夫不在场。
They dropped him in the hopper where all the meat is ground.
他们把他扔进料斗里，所有的肉都在那里磨碎。
The cat screamed and screamed with a blood-curdling shriek.
猫发出一声令人毛骨悚然的惨叫。
The burgers from that store tasted furry for a week.
那家店的汉堡吃了一周都是毛茸茸的。
Sweet dreams, kids.
祝你好梦，孩子们。
The original lyrics include a train that's going west and an old-time riverboat.
最初的歌词包括一列向西行驶的火车和一艘古老的河船。
One of the great things about this song is that every generation adds new, contemporary ways for that cat to perish.
这首歌的伟大之处在于，每一代人都为那只猫添加了新的、现代的死亡方式。
The atom bomb fell just the other day.
原子弹就在前几天坠落。
The H-bomb fell in the very same way.
氢弹也是以同样的方式落下的。
Russia went, England went, then the USA.
俄罗斯去了，英格兰去了，然后是美国。
The human race was finished, without a chance to pray.
人类已经完蛋了，没有机会祈祷。
The cat came back the very next day.
第二天猫就回来了。
The cat came back.
猫回来了。
We thought he was a goner, but the cat came back.
我们以为他已经走了，但猫又回来了。
It just couldn't stay away.
它就是无法远离。
I've got to say, it's easy to understand why this song has lasted over a century-- catchy melody, and a story that anybody can understand, even a little kid.
我不得不说，很容易理解为什么这首歌能够流传一个多世纪——朗朗上口的旋律，以及任何人都可以理解的故事，甚至是一个小孩子。
It is actually the simplest plot in the world, when you think about it.
当你仔细想想，这实际上是世界上最简单的情节。
You want to get rid of something and it returns, mysteriously, and against all odds.
你想要摆脱某样东西，它却神秘地、克服一切困难地回来了。
And for this week's radio show, we thought, there have got to be other stories like this, true stories, real life stories, not about cats.
我们认为，对于本周的广播节目，一定还有其他类似的故事，真实的故事，现实生活中的故事，而不是关于猫的故事。
And so, today, proudly, we bring you an hour of stories just like that, real life cat came back stories, of things in our lives that just won't go away.
因此，今天，我们自豪地为您带来一个小时的故事，就像现实生活中的猫回来的故事，关于我们生活中不会消失的事情。
As I said, it's This American Life.
正如我所说，这就是《美国生活》。
Our show today in four acts.
我们今天的演出分四幕。
Act One, Promise Keeper Cat.
第一幕，守约猫。
Act Two, Political Cat.
第二幕，政治猫。
Act Three, Baby Cat.
第三幕，小猫。
Act Four, Refugee Cat.
第四幕，难民猫。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Promise Keeper Cat.
第一幕，守约猫。
It's actually the story of a pledge that somebody made that he wondered if it had gone away.
这实际上是一个关于某人许下的承诺的故事，他想知道它是否已经消失了。
He wanted it to go away.
他希望它消失。
And, well, you'll hear what happens.
而且，好吧，你会听到发生了什么。
Dan Savage tells the story.
丹·萨维奇讲述了这个故事。
In 1996, 16 years into the AIDS crisis, I made a promise to my boyfriend, or my ex-boyfriend, late at night, while he ate a pint of ice cream, lying on his deathbed.
1996 年，艾滋病危机已经过去 16 年了，我在深夜向我的男朋友（或者说我的前男友）做出了承诺，当时他躺在临终的床上，吃了一品脱冰淇淋。
I broke that promise.
我违背了那个承诺。
And with each passing year, I feel worse about what I did, or didn't do.
随着时间的流逝，我对自己做过或没做过的事情感到越来越糟糕。
It happened like this.
事情是这样发生的。
We got serious, fast-- too fast-- moving in with each other a few weeks after we met.
见面几周后，我们就变得认真、迅速——太快了——就开始交往了。
Five months later, we decided we should go get tested for HIV, or I decided we should go get tested for HIV.
五个月后，我们决定我们应该接受艾滋病毒检测，或者我决定我们应该接受艾滋病毒检测。
It was the fall of 1995.
那是1995年的秋天。
My test came back negative.
我的测试结果呈阴性。
Joseph's did not.
约瑟夫的没有。
I was holding his hand when the counselor at the testing center told him he had HIV, something he had long suspected but was never sure he wanted to know.
当检测中心的辅导员告诉他他感染了艾滋病毒时，我握着他的手，他长期以来一直怀疑这一点，但从未确定自己想知道。
29 and beautiful, he was tall, with broad shoulders, long, blond hair, and huge, blue eyes.
他今年 29 岁，很漂亮，身材高大，肩膀宽阔，金色长发，蓝色的大眼睛。
He shared his fears with me.
他与我分享了他的恐惧。
He didn't want people to think of him as ill.
他不想让人们认为他有病。
He didn't want to be pitied.
他不想被人怜悯。
He didn't want to lose his looks.
他不想失去自己的容貌。
He didn't want to die alone.
他不想孤独地死去。
Four months later, I dumped him.
四个月后，我甩了他。
It wasn't the disease.
这不是病。
There were other issues.
还有其他问题。
Sometimes, when another guy talked to me on the street, in a restaurant, he would fly into a rage.
有时，当另一个人在街上、在餐馆里和我说话时，他会勃然大怒。
I couldn't deal with his jealousy, and so I left him.
我无法忍受他的嫉妒，所以我离开了他。
Or maybe that's too convenient.
或者也许这太方便了。
Maybe it was his HIV, or his smoking, which always drove me crazy, or the jealousy, or all of it.
也许是他的艾滋病毒，或者他的吸烟，总是让我发疯，或者是嫉妒，或者所有这些。
The night we broke up, he wasn't sick.
我们分手的那天晚上，他没有生病。
He had HIV, but not AIDS.
他感染了艾滋病毒，但没有艾滋病。
But a week after we moved out of the apartment we shared, one of Joseph's lymph nodes became so swollen and painful, he couldn't avoid going to the doctor.
但在我们搬出合住公寓一周后，约瑟夫的一个淋巴结变得又肿又痛，他不得不去看医生。
The biopsy confirmed that Joseph had lymphoma, an AIDS-related cancer.
活检证实约瑟夫患有淋巴瘤，这是一种与艾滋病相关的癌症。
He also had thrush and Kaposi's sarcoma.
他还患有鹅口疮和卡波西肉瘤。
The doctors call these things opportunistic infections.
医生称这些为机会性感染。
We gay men called them the beginning of the end.
我们同性恋者称其为终结的开始。
I cried with him in the living room of his new apartment the night he told me.
他告诉我的那天晚上，我在他新公寓的客厅里和他一起哭了。
Joseph had to start chemo immediately.
约瑟夫必须立即开始化疗。
His doctor put his chances for survival at 30%.
他的医生预测他的生存机会为 30%。
And even if he survived the cancer, the Kaposi's sarcoma would likely kill him, or some other opportunistic infection.
即使他从癌症中幸存下来，卡波西肉瘤或其他机会性感染也可能会杀死他。
Joseph joked, sort of, that it was too bad his lymph nodes didn't swell up a week earlier.
约瑟夫开玩笑说，很遗憾他的淋巴结没有在一周前肿胀。
"You couldn't have dumped me if I was dying," he said.
“如果我快死了，你就不可能抛弃我，”他说。
"You got out just in time."
“你出来的真及时。”
After leaving Joseph's apartment that night, I thought to myself, "Here we go." At that point, in 1996, the AIDS caregiver role was well established.
那天晚上离开约瑟夫的公寓后，我心里想：“我们走吧。” 1996 年，艾滋病护理人员的角色已经确立。
I'd read Paul Monette's On Borrowed Time and Last Watch of the Night.
我读过保罗·莫内特的《借来的时间》和《夜更》。
I'd seen Longtime Companion and Parting Glances.
我看过《良伴》和《离别的眼神》。
I knew my part.
我知道我的职责。
As Joseph slowly came undone, I would divide caretaking chores with Joseph's best friend and fellow ex-boyfriend, Marcus.
当约瑟夫慢慢地崩溃时，我会和约瑟夫最好的朋友兼前男友马库斯一起分担照顾家务的事情。
I would accompany Joseph to the hospital, yell at doctors and nurses, pick up his meds, bring him groceries.
我会陪约瑟夫去医院，对医生和护士大喊大叫，帮他拿药，给他买杂货。
At the end, I would lift him off his bed, help him dress, wipe [BLEEP] off his legs, carry him to the shower and the toilet and the couch.
最后，我会把他从床上抱起来，帮他穿衣服，擦去他腿上的[BLEEP]，把他带到淋浴间、厕所和沙发上。
And when the time to die came, I would hold his hand and tell him to let go.
当死亡的时刻到来时，我会握住他的手并告诉他放开。
Which brings me to the promise.
这让我做出了承诺。
Late at night, I was sitting with Joseph in his room at Swedish Hospital in Seattle.
深夜，我和约瑟夫坐在西雅图瑞典医院的房间里。
He was undergoing another round of chemo for the cancer, feeling nauseous.
他正在接受另一轮癌症化疗，感到恶心。
He had lost a dangerous amount of weight, so I brought him some ice cream.
他的体重下降到了危险的程度，所以我给他带来了一些冰淇淋。
His long, thick hair had begun to fall out, so he shaved it all off, because he couldn't bear to watch it come out in clumps.
他又长又密的头发已经开始脱落，所以他把它全部剃掉了，因为他不忍心看着它一簇簇地掉下来。
He was very skinny.
他很瘦。
I told him he looked good bald, which wasn't a lie.
我告诉他他秃头看起来很好，这不是谎言。
Joseph was one of those guys who looked good in anything, even his deathbed.
约瑟夫是那种穿什么都好看的人之一，即使是在临终前也是如此。
I sat for a long time in the chair next to his hospital bed.
我在他病床边的椅子上坐了很长时间。
"I will always be here for you," I said.
“我会永远在你身边，”我说。
"You can count on me.
“你可以信赖我。
I'm not going anywhere."
我哪儿也不去。”
But then everything about AIDS changed in the United States.
但随后美国有关艾滋病的一切都发生了变化。
The year Joseph got sick, a new class of AIDS drugs suddenly became available, protease inhibitors.
约瑟夫生病那年，突然出现了一类新的艾滋病药物：蛋白酶抑制剂。
Taken in certain combinations, dubbed cocktails by gay men, naturally, these drugs returned many very sick men to seemingly full health.
自然地，这些药物以某些被男同性恋者称为鸡尾酒的组合服用，使许多病重的男性恢复了看似完全的健康。
Basically, the 16-year-old script that Joseph and I were reading from the night I made my promise had just been ripped up, only we didn't know it.
基本上，我和约瑟夫从我许诺的那天晚上开始读的16年前的剧本刚刚被撕掉了，只是我们不知道而已。
When I told Joseph that I would always be there for him, neither of us expected him to be here much longer.
当我告诉约瑟夫我会永远在他身边时，我们俩都没想到他会在这里待太久。
By promising to be there always, I was committing to six months, a year, tops.
通过承诺永远在那里，我承诺六个月，一年，最多。
Then came the drugs.
然后是毒品。
And the cocktails worked a miracle on Joseph.
鸡尾酒对约瑟夫产生了奇迹。
The swelling in his lymph nodes went down.
他的淋巴结肿胀消退了。
His hair began to grow back.
他的头发开始长回来。
He put on weight.
他体重增加了。
He got out of the hospital.
他出院了。
What we thought was a six-month death sentence stretched into a year, then two.
我们原以为六个月的死刑被延长为一年，然后是两年。
I would drop by Joseph's work, which was near my office.
我会顺便去约瑟夫的办公室，那里离我的办公室很近。
He seemed to be doing fine.
他看起来过得很好。
My visits started to come further and further apart, and further.
我的访问开始变得越来越远。
Then one day, I realized I hadn't seen Joseph, the only guy I had ever promised to be there for always, in more than a year.
然后有一天，我意识到我已经一年多没有见到约瑟夫了，他是我曾经承诺永远在那里的唯一一个人。
I was gone, new boyfriend, an adopted child, other commitments.
我走了，新的男朋友，收养的孩子，还有其他的承诺。
And over the years, I found myself wondering about that promise, wondering about the kind of person I was to turn my back on a promise like that, but wondering mostly if Joseph was angry with me.
多年来，我发现自己对这个应许感到好奇，想知道我是一个什么样的人，会拒绝这样的承诺，但主要想知道约瑟夫是否生我的气。
I had released myself from the solemn commitment I made without even having the decency to discuss it with him.
我什至没有礼貌地与他讨论，就放弃了我所做出的庄严承诺。
To this day, I wonder, really, what you owe someone who is about to die, someone who has, in a sense, promised you that they're going to die, and then comes back.
直到今天，我真的想知道，你欠一个即将死去的人什么，这个人在某种意义上向你保证他们会死，然后又回来了。
So I called Joseph up so we could speak, finally, about all of this.
所以我给约瑟夫打电话，这样我们终于可以谈论这一切了。
OK, so when you got sick, when you got lymphoma, when you were in the hospital, when you were getting chemo, I promised you that I would be there for you always, and that you could count on me.
好吧，所以当你生病时，当你得淋巴瘤时，当你住院时，当你接受化疗时，我向你保证我会一直在你身边，你可以依靠我。
And then you lived.
然后你就活了。
Was that disappointing?
这令人失望吗？
Dan Savage No, it wasn't disappointing.
丹·萨维奇 不，这并不令人失望。
It was what we all wanted.
这是我们都想要的。
It was what I wanted.
这就是我想要的。
It's what I wanted, too.
这也是我想要的。
Dan Savage Despite the fact that I haven't seen Joseph much, at all, really, over the last 10 years, we've maintained a sort of tenuous connection.
丹·萨维奇（Dan Savage）：尽管事实上，在过去的 10 年里我与约瑟夫见面的次数并不多，但我们仍然保持着某种脆弱的联系。
Joseph cuts my boyfriend's hair, and our son's.
约瑟夫剪了我男朋友和我们儿子的头发。
After an appointment, my boyfriend always lets me know that Joseph looks fine, which is code for "Joseph's not dying." And a half a dozen times in the last decade, I've run into Joseph on the street.
约会后，我的男朋友总是让我知道约瑟夫看起来很好，这是“约瑟夫没有死”的代号。在过去的十年里，我在街上遇到过约瑟夫六次。
These meetings have always felt a little awkward.
这些会议总让人感觉有点尴尬。
I know Joseph is doing fine.
我知道约瑟夫做得很好。
He's been with the same guy for seven years.
他已经和同一个人在一起七年了。
But still, seeing him, I always felt somehow incriminated, guilty, caught out.
但尽管如此，看到他，我总觉得自己有罪、有罪、被抓住了。
What's always felt awkward for me about the promise, and we've never discussed the promise since it was made, and it sort of faded away, was that it was really premised on this idea that I will be there for you always, asterisk.
对于这个承诺，我总是感到尴尬，自从做出这个承诺以来，我们从未讨论过这个承诺，而且它已经逐渐消失了，它的前提是我会永远在你身边，星号。
Always means six months to a year.
始终意味着六个月到一年。
And here we are 12 years later, 11 years later.
12 年后，11 年后，我们来到了这里。
Was there ever any sense that I had failed you by drifting away, that I had broken my promise?
有没有感觉我的疏远让你失望了，我违背了我的诺言？
As far as your promise to me, even though we lost contact for quite a long time, and didn't really maintain, except for "Hi," on the street, I never personally let that promise go.
至于你对我的承诺，虽然我们已经失去联系很长一段时间，也没有真正维持过，除了街上的一声“嗨”，但我个人从来没有放过这个承诺。
I have to say, that shocked me.
我不得不说，这让我震惊。
I guess I expected him to say that he was angry, or used to be angry.
我想我预计他会说他很生气，或者曾经很生气。
But I never expected this.
但我万万没想到会是这样。
Well, you said that you would be there forever.
嗯，你说过你会永远在那里。
So hell yeah, yes, absolutely.
所以，是的，是的，绝对是的。
You're still on hold, baby.
你仍然在等待，宝贝。
[LAUGHTER] Dan Savage Hear my nervous laugh?
[笑声] Dan Savage 听到我紧张的笑声了吗？
I was so freaked out by this that I didn't know how to respond.
我被这件事吓坏了，不知道该如何回应。
I couldn't respond.
我无法回应。
In fact, I was so disoriented, that we spent the rest of the hour on tape gabbing about old times, old boyfriends.
事实上，我是如此迷失方向，以至于我们在剩下的时间里都在录音中闲聊过去的时光，旧的男朋友。
And when we left, things felt somehow messier and less resolved than even before we talked.
当我们离开时，事情感觉比我们谈话之前更混乱、更不稳定。
I'd spent a decade feeling bad about a promise I broke, and now the promise was back?
我花了十年时间为自己违背的诺言感到难过，现在诺言又回来了？
So a week later, I called Joseph up again.
一周后，我再次给约瑟夫打电话。
So when we talked before, and you said that the promise was still in force, and I was still on the hook, I was really shocked.
所以当我们之前谈过的时候，你说承诺仍然有效，而我仍然处于困境中，我真的很震惊。
And I couldn't really say anything.
我真的什么也说不出来。
And I wanted to ask you if you were serious.
我想问你是否是认真的。
[LAUGHTER] Joseph Of course it's still in effect, Dan.
[笑声] 约瑟夫 当然它仍然有效，丹。
Because, well, I look at it this way.
因为，嗯，我是这样看的。
I just know that you're around if I ever needed you.
我只知道如果我需要你，你就在身边。
But it's an abstract sort of hook, Dan.
但这是一种抽象的钩子，丹。
It's not something that I'd probably ever hold you to.
这不是我可能会坚持的事情。
You want to be off the hook?
你想摆脱困境吗？
[LAUGHTER] You do.
[笑声]你知道。
It's OK.
没关系。
Dan Savage He was right.
丹·萨维奇 他是对的。
I wanted to be off the hook.
我想摆脱困境。
Absolutely.
绝对地。
I do release you from the promise.
我确实解除了你的诺言。
You're let out, Dan.
你被释放了，丹。
And then, suddenly, it was like the air cleared between us, as if finally putting this promise to rest allowed a sweetness that had been missing back into our relationship.
然后，突然之间，我们之间的空气就变得清澈了，仿佛终于放下这个承诺，让我们的关系中重新出现了缺失的甜蜜。
And Joseph actually ended up telling me how much the promise, such as it was, meant to him at the time.
事实上，约瑟夫最终告诉我，这个应许当时对他来说意义重大。
I didn't have anybody else make me any promises with that conviction.
没有其他人向我做出任何带着这种信念的承诺。
I meant it.
我是认真的。
Joseph I know that.
约瑟夫我知道。
And I appreciate it.
我很感激。
And I know it for what it was-- what it is, and what it was.
我知道它是什么——它是什么，它曾经是什么。
Sometimes, I wonder how many guys like me there are out there.
有时候我想知道世界上有多少像我这样的人。
Joseph wasn't the only gay man who got up off his deathbed in 1996.
约瑟夫并不是 1996 年临终前唯一一个从床上爬起来的同性恋者。
So I expect I'm not the only ex-boyfriend who made a solemn promise to be there always, but who ended up embarrassed, unsure of what to do or how to behave once the drugs transformed a six-month commitment into decades.
所以我想我不是唯一一个郑重承诺永远在身边的前男友，但一旦药物将六个月的承诺变成了几十年，他最终会感到尴尬，不知道该做什么或如何表现。
In the days since Joseph and I talked, I kept wondering why I couldn't leave him believing that the promise, the one I made with such conviction, was still in force.
自从我和约瑟夫谈话以来，我一直想知道为什么我不能让他相信我怀着如此信念做出的承诺仍然有效。
Why not let him think that I'll be there?
为什么不让他认为我会在那里呢？
But I wanted us, after all this time, to return to normal, to be normal ex-boyfriends in the normal, sloppy way that people relate to their exes.
但我希望我们，过了这么久，恢复正常，以人们与前任相处的正常、草率的方式成为正常的前男友。
We might be there for each other.
我们可能会在彼此身边。
We might not.
我们可能不会。
We'll see.
我们拭目以待。
I guess what I really wanted was to start treating him like a man with his whole life ahead of him, a man who doesn't need me anymore, or deathbeds, or promises like the one I made him so many years ago.
我想我真正想要的是开始对待他，就像对待一个人一样，他的一生都在前方，一个不再需要我，或者临终前，或者像我多年前给他的承诺的人。
Dan Savage writes the syndicated column, "Savage Love," and has written several books, most recently, The .
丹·萨维奇 (Dan Savage) 撰写联合专栏“野蛮的爱”(Savage Love)，并撰写了几本书，最近出版的是《The .
Commitment .
承诺 。
[MUSIC - "THE CAT CAME BACK" BY HEADACHE CITY]
[音乐 - HEADACHE CITY 的《猫回来了》]
Act Two, Political Cat.
第二幕，政治猫。
OK, speaking of creatures who you thought were gone who eerily return from oblivion to walk among us, the living, why won't John Kerry just go away?
好吧，说到那些你以为已经消失的生物，它们从遗忘中诡异地回来，行走在我们这些活着的人中间，约翰·克里为什么不走开呢？
Why is he still out there, giving speeches and TV interviews, and acting like somebody who thinks that someday, he might still be President?
为什么他仍然在那里发表演讲和接受电视采访，并且表现得像一个认为有一天他可能仍然是总统的人？
Why do I keep seeing his gray, zombie-like face, intoning in that intonation he has, you know, that intoning where it's like he is almost human, but not quite human, sounding defensive, even when he's on the attack?
为什么我总是看到他那张灰色的、僵尸般的脸，用他的语调吟诵，你知道，那种吟诵就像他几乎是人类，但又不完全是人类，听起来像是防御性的，即使他在进攻时也是如此？
Tim, that's not what I've suggested.
蒂姆，这不是我的建议。
And it's really important to look at what I've proposed.
看看我的提议非常重要。
The first step is, you've got to have a government.
第一步是，你必须有一个政府。
On Meet the Press a few months ago, he was as impenetrable as ever.
几个月前，在与媒体会面时，他一如既往地难以捉摸。
He was arguing for the US to withdraw from Iraq.
他主张美国从伊拉克撤军。
And at some point, Tim Russert points out that this might lead to total chaos, an all-out civil war, an invasion by Iran.
蒂姆·鲁瑟特指出，在某个时候，这可能会导致全面混乱、全面内战、伊朗入侵。
And Kerry, and maybe this is unfair, but Kerry gave the kind of response that pretty much, I would say, lost him the Presidential race.
克里，也许这不公平，但克里的反应几乎让他输掉了总统竞选。
He said, and this is kind of a counter-intuitive thing to say when you first hear it, so I'm going to say this slowly.
他说，当你第一次听到这句话时，这有点违反直觉，所以我要慢慢地说。
He said, "A US withdrawal plus diplomatic pressure might just finally force everybody in Iraq to figure out how to live together." But listen to how he says it, OK?
他说，“美国撤军加上外交压力可能最终会迫使伊拉克的每个人弄清楚如何共同生活。”但听听他怎么说，好吗？
This is classic Kerry, which means, and all due respect here, perhaps a tad long-winded.
这是典型的克里，这意味着，恕我直言，也许有点啰嗦。
But that's not the way to do it, Tim.
但这不是正确的方法，蒂姆。
What you need, and what I've suggested, is that you have a Dayton Accords-like summit where you bring all the parties together.
你们所需要的，也是我所建议的，是召开一次类似《代顿协议》的峰会，将所有各方聚集在一起。
And I mean all the parties-- you need to bring Iraq's neighbors together.
我的意思是所有各方——你需要让伊拉克的邻国团结起来。
Khalilzad has now been authorized to talk to the Iranians.
哈利勒扎德现在已被授权与伊朗人交谈。
Bring the Iranians.
把伊朗人带过来。
Bring the Syrians.
带上叙利亚人。
Bring the Jordanians, the Saudis, the Egyptians, and others.
带上约旦人、沙特人、埃及人和其他人。
Now it may be that ultimately you can't find a resolution on the constitutional issues, and you have to embrace something like Les Gelb's original proposal, the former head of the Council on Foreign Relations, who said, you may have to divide it up into three parts.
现在可能最终你无法找到关于宪法问题的解决方案，你必须接受像外交关系委员会前主席莱斯盖尔布最初的提议，他说，你可能必须把它分成三个部分。
I don't know the answer to that today.
我今天不知道答案。
Like I say, classic Kerry.
就像我说的，经典的凯里。
He throws around a lot of names and a lot of references in a sort of shorthand that just doesn't shed a lot of light for most of us.
他以某种速记方式抛出了很多名字和很多参考文献，但对我们大多数人来说并没有太多启发。
So as a result, he's both stunningly boring and completely unconvincing at the same time.
所以结果是，他既极其无聊，又完全没有说服力。
So even though he may well be right, you know, he may be right.
因此，尽管他很可能是对的，但你知道，他可能是对的。
A combination of withdrawal from Iraq and diplomacy at the same time, that might be our only hope right now in Iraq.
从伊拉克撤军和外交同时进行，这可能是我们目前在伊拉克唯一的希望。
When you hear him say it, you just don't believe it.
当你听到他这么说的时候，你就是不相信。
There are a lot of different ways to understand why President Bush won the election in 2004: money, and organizing, and demographics, and the way they draw the lines in those congressional districts, and all that stuff, right, values, the religious right.
有很多不同的方法可以理解布什总统赢得 2004 年大选的原因：金钱、组织、人口统计、他们在国会选区划定界限的方式，以及所有这些东西，权利、价值观、宗教权利。
I want to make the case here for a simple explanation.
我想在这里做一个简单的解释。
It's Kerry's fault.
这是凯里的错。
I want to emphasize, this is my personal view, not the view of NPR News, Public Radio International, this radio station.
我想强调的是，这是我个人的观点，不是NPR新闻、国际公共广播电台、这个广播电台的观点。
This is my view.
这是我的看法。
My view of Kerry was set forever the night of the first 2004 presidential debate, which you may remember was a pretty big night for him.
我对克里的看法是在 2004 年第一次总统辩论的那个晚上永远定下来的，你可能还记得，这对他来说是一个非常重要的夜晚。
It's the first time he squared off against President Bush one on one.
这是他第一次与布什总统一对一对峙。
I watched this thing from the home of Dr. Gig Hackett in Cincinnati, in the swing state of Ohio.
我在吉格·哈克特博士位于俄亥俄州摇摆州辛辛那提的家中观看了这件事。
Hi, welcome.
你好，欢迎。
Hey.
嘿。
Come on in.
进来吧。
Ira Glass There were seven people there, and all of their votes were up for grabs.
Ira Glass 那里有七个人，他们所有的选票都可以争夺。
Three leaned towards President Bush.
其中三人倾向于布什总统。
Two leaned towards Kerry.
其中两人向克里倾斜。
Two were completely undecided the night of this first debate.
第一次辩论当晚，两人完全拿不定主意。
And what was fascinating and kind of notable is that all seven were upset with President Bush.
令人着迷且值得注意的是，这七个人都对布什总统感到不满。
Even the supporters of President Bush were upset with them.
就连布什总统的支持者也对他们感到不满。
All seven thought that he was doing a lousy job in Iraq, and with the economy in Ohio.
所有七个人都认为他在伊拉克和俄亥俄州的经济方面做得很糟糕。
Some of them found him outright alarming on abortion and social issues.
他们中的一些人发现他在堕胎和社会问题上完全令人震惊。
Even his supporters in the group were not happy with the idea they were going to have to vote for him again.
即使是他在团体中的支持者也对他们必须再次投票给他的想法感到不满意。
And so they all sat down in front of the TV with the feeling that all Kerry had to do was just give them a reason, give them a reason to vote for him.
所以他们都坐在电视机前，感觉克里所要做的就是给他们一个理由，给他们一个投票给他的理由。
Yeah, they'd seen the ads.
是的，他们看过广告。
They'd seen the news.
他们看到了这个新闻。
But they actually still did not get what it was that Kerry stood for.
但他们实际上仍然不明白克里所代表的是什么。
What was he going to do for the country?
他要为国家做什么？
I do have an indistinct feeling about Kerry.
我对凯瑞确实有一种说不清道不明的感觉。
I'd like to know more about his views on the national security issues.
我想了解他对国家安全问题的看法。
Well first, I need to get to know him as a politician.
首先，我需要了解他作为一名政治家。
To make a long story short, they began the night unsure of what he stood for, and they ended the night the same way.
长话短说，他们在这个夜晚开始时并不确定他代表什么，但他们也以同样的方式结束了这个夜晚。
Nationally, this debate helped Kerry's poll numbers.
在全国范围内，这场辩论提高了克里的民意支持率。
But here in this Ohio basement, they were unmoved.
但在俄亥俄州的这个地下室里，他们不为所动。
They were deeply skeptical.
他们深表怀疑。
Kerry would lay out a four-point plan for what he was going to do in Iraq.
克里将为他在伊拉克的行动制定一个四点计划。
And I would turn to the group and I would say, OK, what do you think?
我会转向小组，我会说，好吧，你们觉得怎么样？
And they would all be like, but what's he going to do?
他们都会这样，但他要做什么？
How is that so different from what the President's going to do?
这与总统要做的事情有何不同？
And I would say, well, he just said his four points.
我想说，好吧，他只是说了他的四点。
And they'd say, yes, yes, yes, but what's the big picture?
他们会说，是的，是的，是的，但是大局是什么？
What's he stand for?
他代表什么？
To be fair, I think part of Kerry's problem was that months of Republican political ads had convinced all of these people that he was a waffler, a prevaricator, that he didn't stand for anything in particular.
公平地说，我认为克里的部分问题在于，几个月来共和党的政治广告让所有这些人相信他是个胡言乱语者、搪塞者，他不代表任何特定的东西。
But Kerry's problem as a candidate was that he seemed incapable of doing or saying anything to overcome or counteract any of that, any of what his opponents were saying about him, which, these days, for better or worse, is an important political skill.
但克里作为候选人的问题在于，他似乎无法做或说任何事情来克服或抵消任何这些，任何他的对手对他的言论，这些天，无论好坏，都是一项重要的政治技巧。
Here's Dr. Hackett.
这是哈克特博士。
No, that's the whole point.
不，这就是重点。
That's the whole point I'm making.
这就是我要表达的全部观点。
I think Kerry says things.
我认为克里说了一些话。
That's why I don't like Kerry, because I don't trust him.
这就是为什么我不喜欢克里，因为我不信任他。
I don't trust what he says.
我不相信他说的话。
When he says something, I don't know if he really believes that or not.
当他说某事时，我不知道他是否真的相信。
So even when John Kerry pointed out, truthfully, correctly, policy blunders and missteps his opponent had made, nobody in this room believed him.
因此，即使约翰·克里如实、正确地指出了他的对手所犯下的政策失误和失误，在座的也没有人相信他。
Even when he's in the right, he doesn't convince people.
即使他是对的，他也无法说服人们。
In the last few months, John Kerry's had a little wave of media attention, after he proposed setting a deadline to withdraw American forces from Iraq.
过去几个月，约翰·克里提出设定从伊拉克撤军的最后期限，引起了媒体的关注。
He hasn't actually announced that he's running for president again, but he sure seems like he is keeping that possibility open.
他实际上并没有宣布他将再次竞选总统，但他似乎确实保留了这种可能性。
And I'm not proud of this, and I'm just saying this now as one voter to another.
我并不为此感到自豪，我现在只是作为一个选民向另一个选民说这句话。
And is anybody else feeling this too?
还有其他人也有这种感觉吗？
When I'm flipping channels, and I see him making a speech, or giving an interview, I feel this moment of rage, actually.
当我翻台时，看到他在演讲或接受采访，我实际上感到了这一刻的愤怒。
Like why do you still walk the earth?
比如你为什么还在地球上行走？
Why do I still have to keep seeing your face?
为什么我还要一直看到你的脸？
Don't you understand?
你不明白吗？
We took a vote.
我们进行了投票。
We all took a vote in the most literal way possible.
我们都以最直接的方式进行了投票。
We took a vote.
我们进行了投票。
We don't like you.
我们不喜欢你。
I see him, and it's like seeing some ex-girlfriend that you don't want to run into on the street.
我看到他，就像看到某个你不想在街上遇到的前女友一样。
Why do I still have to think about you now, after everything?
经历了这一切之后，为什么我现在还要想起你？
Stop running for president, John Kerry.
停止竞选总统，约翰·克里。
You had your chance, John Kerry.
你有机会，约翰·克里。
If you couldn't win that election, when the deficit was ballooning, and job creation wasn't so great, and we were losing ground in a tough war, and almost half the country hated your opponent before you even opened your mouth-- it's not going to get any easier than that one.
如果你不能赢得那次选举，当赤字不断膨胀，创造就业机会也不是那么好，我们在一场艰苦的战争中节节败退，几乎一半的国家在你开口说话之前就讨厌你的对手——那就不会比那更容易了。
Do something else, John Kerry.
做点别的事吧，约翰·克里。
Do something else with your many skills.
用你的多种技能做点别的事情。
You're a civic-minded man.
你是一个有公民意识的人。
Go run a charity.
去经营慈善机构吧。
Go run Harvard.
去办哈佛吧。
Go run Yale.
去办耶鲁吧。
They're smart enough to actually understand what you're trying to say when you open your mouth and talk.
当你张开嘴说话时，他们足够聪明，能够真正理解你想说什么。
Coming up, a family that keeps losing one of its children, who keeps returning.
接下来，一个家庭不断失去一个孩子，但孩子又不断回来。
That's in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International, when our program comes back.
稍后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将播放我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today 's show, The Cat Came Back, stories of animals, people, things that will not go away, that return to haunt you, even if you want them to go away.
今天的节目《猫回来了》讲述了动物、人、事物的故事，它们不会消失，它们会回来困扰你，即使你想让它们消失。
We've arrived at Act Three of our show, Baby Cat.
我们已经到了节目《宝贝猫》的第三幕。
This is a story of a person who goes away and comes back, from Michael Beaumier.
这是迈克尔·博米尔讲述的一个人离开又回来的故事。
My parents have been married for something like 750 years.
我父母结婚已有 750 多年了。
And in all that time, they've only had one argument, one long, constant argument that never ends, an argument that they're each dead-set on winning: an unresolved disagreement over the number of children they actually have.
在这段时间里，他们只发生过一次争吵，一场漫长而持续的争吵，永无休止，他们都铁了心要赢：关于他们实际拥有的孩子数量的未解决的分歧。
To be fair, my parents did have a lot of children.
公平地说，我的父母确实有很多孩子。
And after the first four or five, it probably got hard to keep track.
在前四、五次之后，可能就很难跟踪了。
No one disputes that there are two girls, Anne and Katie.
没有人质疑有两个女孩，安妮和凯蒂。
The trouble was, as it always is with the boys.
问题是，男孩们总是遇到这样的问题。
My mother counts six.
我妈妈数到了六。
My dad says seven.
我爸爸说七。
We are, in order, Jack, Pat, Mike, Matt, Casey, Colin, and Paul.
我们按顺序是杰克、帕特、迈克、马特、凯西、科林和保罗。
Mom is Irish.
妈妈是爱尔兰人。
When the new baby arrived, we all knew the drill.
当新生儿出生时，我们都知道该怎么做。
Bets placed on gender and the date of birth would have to be paid, sleeping arrangements rearranged, a crib set up.
必须支付对性别和出生日期的赌注，重新安排睡眠安排，设置婴儿床。
Our grandmother would stay a night or two, 'til mom and baby came home.
我们的祖母会在这里住一两个晚上，直到妈妈和宝宝回家。
By the time mom was pregnant with her ninth child, this had become routine, no big deal.
当妈妈怀上第九个孩子时，这已经成为惯例，没什么大不了的。
We were a well-oiled machine, until baby number nine.
在九号宝宝出生之前，我们都是一台运转良好的机器。
Dad didn't come home that night, nor the next day, nor for many days after.
那天晚上，爸爸没有回家，第二天也没有回家，之后很多天也没有回家。
It was a shock when Dad reappeared, exhausted and unshaven.
当爸爸再次出现时，我震惊了，他疲惫不堪，胡子拉碴。
And when he spoke, it was with a tone we'd only ever heard him address to grownups.
当他说话时，他的语气是我们只听过他对成年人讲话的。
Mom was very sick, he told us.
他告诉我们，妈妈病得很重。
The baby was sick, too.
宝宝也病了。
Things looked bad.
事情看起来很糟糕。
He was going to be at the hospital a lot.
他会经常去医院。
And grandma was going to take care of us.
奶奶会照顾我们。
We needed to be extra well-behaved.
我们需要表现得格外乖巧。
No fighting, no complaining, no fires.
没有战斗，没有抱怨，没有火灾。
Let the dog's fur grow back for once.
让狗的皮毛重新长出来一次。
Be good.
乖一点。
There was no "or else," no threat of punishment, no offer of reward.
没有“否则”，没有惩罚威胁，也没有奖励。
He wasn't asking.
他没有问。
Grandma morosely insisted that we comb our hair and keep our voices down.
奶奶闷闷不乐地坚持要我们梳好头发，小声说话。
She declared that matches, scissors, knives, glue, duct tape, and the mallet used to tenderize meat were not toys, and that from here on out, we had to make our beds.
她宣称火柴、剪刀、刀子、胶水、胶带和用来嫩化肉的木槌都不是玩具，从现在开始，我们必须整理床铺。
But the worst part was no fighting.
但最糟糕的是没有战斗。
No fighting, was she serious?
没有打架，她是认真的吗？
Not even sucker punches?
连傻逼拳都没有吗？
Days turned to weeks, and weeks into months.
几天变成了几周，几周又变成了几个月。
No one knew exactly what had happened, and no one was brave enough to ask.
没有人确切知道到底发生了什么，也没有人有勇气去询问。
But we figured out the basics.
但我们已经弄清楚了基础知识。
The baby had come.
宝宝来了。
Something went wrong.
出了点问题。
And mom had nearly died.
妈妈差一点就死了。
When we were finally allowed to visit her in the hospital, we could only go in small groups, two or three of us at most.
当我们最终被允许去医院探望她时，我们只能三五成群地去，最多两三个人。
We didn't need to be told to behave ourselves.
我们不需要被告知要守规矩。
Mom found this unnerving.
妈妈觉得这令人不安。
"Why aren't you fighting?" she'd ask from her bed.
“你们为什么不打架？”她会在床上问。
"They aren't like this at home, I swear," she would assure the nurses.
“我发誓，他们在家里可不是这样的，”她向护士们保证。
"Who are you people?
“你们是谁？
Somebody hit someone already." But Dad would shake his head, no. And we'd cower by the door, afraid to do anything that might upset her.
已经有人打人了。”但爸爸会摇头，不。我们会躲在门边，害怕做任何可能让她不高兴的事情。
The baby was barely mentioned.
几乎没有提到婴儿。
None of us younger kids saw Paul, as they'd named him, until finally, very late that summer, he and mom were well enough to come home and got a decidedly low-key reception, especially compared to the raucous introductions new babies usually received.
我们这些年幼的孩子都没有见过保罗（他们给他起的名字），直到那个夏天很晚的时候，他和妈妈终于康复回家，并受到了明显低调的接待，尤其是与新生儿通常受到的喧闹介绍相比。
No one tried feeding Paul candy or introducing him to the dog by putting them both in the playpen.
没有人尝试给保罗喂糖果，也没有人把他和狗放在婴儿围栏里。
We weren't very clear on what Dad meant by "Paul is special needs." And when we gathered around the crib to finally get a look at him, he hardly seemed like the cause of so much trouble.
我们不太清楚爸爸说的“保罗有特殊需要”是什么意思。当我们聚集在婴儿床周围终于看到他时，他看起来不像是造成这么多麻烦的原因。
He looked like any baby, except for the terrible shakes that would suddenly overwhelm him, and how his eyes would roll back in his head.
他看起来和普通婴儿没什么两样，只是他会突然感到可怕的摇晃，以及他的眼睛会在脑中翻白。
The seizures were constant and brutal, overtaking his tiny body several times a minute.
癫痫发作是持续而残酷的，每分钟在他小小的身体上发作几次。
Had I been old enough to understand what was happening, I would not have been able to bear it.
如果我年纪足够大，能够理解正在发生的事情，我就无法忍受。
Being children, and being us, we immediately nicknamed him Shakes.
作为孩子，作为我们，我们立即给他起了个绰号“Shakes”。
We weren't allowed to hold him, but we tried to outdo one another impersonating him, convulsing on the floor, falling over each other, fluttering and rolling our eyes, as Paul did.
我们不被允许抱他，但我们试图模仿他，模仿他，在地板上抽搐，互相摔倒，颤抖和翻白眼，就像保罗那样。
But eventually, even we could see that this baby required a great deal of care.
但最终，我们也发现这个婴儿需要大量的照顾。
There was no set routine with Paul, as there is with most newborns.
与大多数新生儿不同，保罗没有固定的惯例。
He didn't eat normally, didn't sleep according to any set schedule, couldn't be left to himself.
他没有正常吃饭，没有按照既定的时间表睡觉，不能独自一人。
The task of caring for him soon proved overwhelming.
照顾他的任务很快就被证明是艰巨的。
In hindsight, it was probably crazy to think that Mom could take care of eight children and a very sick newborn after nearly dying herself.
事后看来，认为妈妈在自己差点死去后还能照顾八个孩子和一个病重的新生儿，这可能是疯狂的。
He was with us for only a matter of weeks, really, before the decision was made.
实际上，在做出决定之前，他只和我们在一起了几周的时间。
I don't remember the day they took him away, or saying goodbye, but we didn't see Paul again for almost two years.
我不记得他们把他带走或告别的那天，但我们已经有将近两年没有再见到保罗了。
A gloom settled over us after Paul was gone-- not anxiety, not tragedy, either, but this odd, nagging feeling of incompleteness.
保罗去世后，一种忧郁笼罩着我们——不是焦虑，也不是悲剧，而是这种奇怪的、挥之不去的不完整感。
Someone was supposed to be there, and he wasn't.
应该有人在那里，但他没有。
Paul's absence was acute, a presence in itself.
保罗的缺席是严重的，但它本身就是一种存在。
And it was especially hard on Mom.
这对妈妈来说尤其困难。
Occasionally, she and Dad would disappear without a word, telling us only later that they'd gone to the place where Paul was, an institution of some kind in a town nearby.
有时，她和爸爸会一言不发地消失，直到后来才告诉我们他们去了保罗所在的地方，附近城镇的某个机构。
Mom would just suddenly want to see him, sometimes on the spur of the moment, and Dad never said no. Afterwards, when we asked, Dad would tell us that Paul was fine, but there were never really any details.
妈妈只是突然想见他，有时是一时冲动，而爸爸从不拒绝。后来，当我们询问时，爸爸会告诉我们保罗很好，但从来没有任何细节。
Mom would usually go upstairs after these journeys, shut her bedroom door, close the curtains, and crawl into bed.
妈妈通常会在这些旅程结束后上楼，关上卧室的门，拉上窗帘，然后爬上床。
When Paul finally died, two days before his second birthday, it was like a bad spell had been broken.
当保罗最终去世时，距离他两岁生日还有两天，就像一个坏咒语被打破了。
There would be a funeral, and sadness, and a terrible sense of loss, but there would also be an ending, finally, instead of the in-between place where he and all the rest of us had lived for so long.
会有葬礼、悲伤和可怕的失落感，但最终也会有一个结局，而不是他和我们其他人生活了这么久的中间地方。
Because we hadn't seen him since he was an infant, Paul had become to us kids less a person than a situation.
因为自从他还是个婴儿以来我们就没见过他，所以保罗对我们孩子来说不再是一个人，而是一种情境。
All that changed at his wake.
一切都在他醒来后发生了变化。
The casket was a tiny thing.
棺材是个小东西。
You could put your arm around it.
你可以用手臂搂住它。
I don't know why I expected to see a baby, but that wasn't what he was.
我不知道为什么我期待看到一个孩子，但他不是这样的。
His hair had grown in, dark and full.
他的头发已经长出来了，又黑又浓密。
And his features had become more pronounced and solid, the nose, the shape of his mouth, his thick, bushy eyebrows-- a face so familiar, because it was mine, the face I shared with the boys gathered around me peering into the tiny coffin.
他的五官变得更加明显和坚实，鼻子、嘴巴的形状、浓密的眉毛——一张如此熟悉的脸，因为那是我的，我和聚集在我周围的男孩们一起凝视着小棺材的脸。
My brother Collin, now the youngest brother again, only six years old, couldn't keep his hands off Paul, holding his tiny fingers and touching his face.
我的弟弟科林，现在又是最小的弟弟，只有六岁，他的双手无法离开保罗，握住他的小手指，抚摸他的脸。
I understood exactly what he was feeling, the shock and surprise of it.
我完全理解他的感受，其中的震惊和惊讶。
Suddenly, he seemed like our brother.
突然间，他就像我们的兄弟了。
Suddenly, he seemed like one of us.
突然间，他就像我们中的一员。
Personally, I thought he looked like Pat, though from certain angles, he seemed more like Casey.
就我个人而言，我认为他看起来像帕特，尽管从某些角度来看，他看起来更像凯西。
Matt said he was a dead ringer for Jack, and immediately regretted his choice of words.
马特说他和杰克一模一样，并立即后悔自己的用词。
Pat said he looked like a combination of Colin crossed with me, except without braces, which I took to be an affront, and said so.
帕特说他看起来就像科林和我的结合体，只是没有戴牙套，我认为这是一种侮辱，他是这么说的。
Pat told me to stop being a jerk in church.
帕特告诉我不要再在教堂里做混蛋了。
And Matt pointed out that we were in a funeral home, not a church, and added the word "butthead" for good measure.
马特指出我们是在殡仪馆，而不是教堂，并添加了“屁股”这个词以表示良好的态度。
Then Anne shoved Matt, and Matt shoved Anne back.
然后安妮推了马特，马特又把安妮推了回来。
And Katie, four years old and now armed with a brand new word, screamed "Stop it, you buttheads," at the top of her little lungs.
四岁的凯蒂现在掌握了一个全新的词，她用她的小肺尖尖叫着“住手，你们这些混蛋”。
Mom either laughed until she cried, or vice versa.
妈妈要么笑到哭，要么反之亦然。
Dad made us all go sit down.
爸爸让我们都坐下。
We buried Paul.
我们埋葬了保罗。
And we cried.
我们哭了。
And Colin dug a little hole over the grave and put some of his tiny plastic dinosaurs in for Paul to have.
科林在坟墓上挖了一个小洞，把他的一些小塑料恐龙放进去，供保罗吃。
And then we went home and fought our way into adulthood, breaking into food fights and putting firecrackers down each other's pants, pushing one another out of windows, and filling each other's socks with jelly.
然后我们回家，一路奋斗到了成年，我们互相争抢食物，互相往裤子里放鞭炮，互相把对方推出窗外，互相往袜子里塞满果冻。
It was hard not to notice that these epic battles were, more often than not, instigated by our mother, who never seemed happier than when she was surveying the devastation, a gin and tonic in one hand, a cigarette in the other, a smirk of utter satisfaction on her lips.
很难不注意到，这些史诗般的战斗往往是由我们的母亲煽动的，她在审视这场灾难时似乎从来没有比她更高兴的了，她一手拿着杜松子酒和滋补品，另一只手拿着香烟，嘴唇上挂着完全满意的笑容。
Mom would arm us with spray paint and fake IDs.
妈妈会给我们配备喷漆和假身份证。
She expected us to sneak out for midnight keggers and illicit cigarettes.
她希望我们半夜偷偷出去喝啤酒和走私香烟。
She was actually quite adamant about such adventures, because she knew what the alternative was.
她实际上对这样的冒险非常坚定，因为她知道替代方案是什么。
She'd been raised in a house engulfed in grief.
她在一个充满悲伤的房子里长大。
Her mother had been made an Irish widow at a very young age, and never stopped mourning.
她的母亲在很小的时候就成为了爱尔兰寡妇，并且从未停止过哀悼。
Mom refused to give herself or us up to it.
妈妈拒绝让自己或我们屈服。
Nobody talked about Paul.
没有人谈论保罗。
His birthday went uncelebrated.
他的生日无人庆祝。
And his life and death, while never explicitly denied, was a forbidden topic.
他的生与死虽然从未明确否认，但却是一个被禁止的话题。
We'd visit his grave, of course.
当然，我们会去参观他的坟墓。
But we all knew not to bring up that time, or mention his name, because none of us could bear the look of pain that would appear in our parents' eyes.
但我们都知道不要提起那件事，也不要提及他的名字，因为我们谁也无法忍受父母眼中出现的痛苦表情。
We knew that sometimes they would go to the cemetery by themselves to see him.
我们知道有时他们会自己去墓地看他。
And even years later, after all of us kids had grown up and moved out, and begun families of our own, after they'd sold the house and left town themselves, they would drive for hours, sometimes on the spur of the moment, still, just to be there.
甚至多年后，当我们所有的孩子都长大并搬出去并组建自己的家庭后，当他们卖掉房子并自己离开城镇后，他们会开车几个小时，有时是一时冲动，仍然只是为了在那里。
The living mean more than the dead.
活着的人比死了的人更有意义。
And the living go on and they forget.
活着的人还在继续，他们却忘记了。
But sometimes the elements conspire to bring the past and the present together again, and the dead remind you of all they once were.
但有时，各种元素会合谋将过去和现在再次结合在一起，而死者会让你想起他们曾经的样子。
There was a winter of extraordinary snow, followed by a spring of heavy, incessant rain.
冬天下了一场大雪，紧接着是一个连绵不断的大雨春天。
Rivers rose, the waters came, and a terrible flood engulfed our old, North Dakota hometown.
河流上涨，洪水袭来，一场可怕的洪水吞没了我们北达科他州的老家乡。
Half the city was underwater, the bottom half.
城市的一半在水下，下半部分。
Unfortunately, the top half was still quite dry.
不幸的是，上半部分仍然很干燥。
No one knows how the fire started exactly, but it jumped from building to building, burning everything straight down until the fire met the water.
没有人知道火灾到底是如何开始的，但火势从一栋楼跳到另一栋楼，直接烧毁了一切，直到火与水相遇。
When it was over, nearly everything was destroyed, except the cemetery.
战争结束后，除了墓地之外，几乎所有东西都被摧毁了。
Maybe it was because they didn't like driving so far for so long, or maybe they just didn't want him to be there all alone, in the middle of nowhere, with no one to mow the grass or put flowers on his headstone, or remember who he was.
也许是因为他们不喜欢开这么远的车，开这么长时间，或者也许他们只是不想让他一个人呆在那里，在一个偏僻的地方，没有人给他割草，没有人在他的墓碑上放花，也没有人记得他是谁。
But at some point, my parents hatched their little plan for Paul.
但在某个时候，我的父母为保罗制定了他们的小计划。
They'd have him disinterred and moved to where they were in upper Michigan, where they'd gone to live, to be buried next to my grandmother.
他们会把他挖出来，搬到他们以前住的上密歇根州的地方，埋在我祖母旁边。
The casket was flown as far as Wisconsin, where for reasons that still remain somewhat murky, my parents decided they'd finish Paul's journey on their own.
棺材被空运到威斯康星州，由于一些仍不明朗的原因，我的父母决定自己完成保罗的旅程。
My father had gotten very specific measurements of Paul's casket, the length and width and weight, and he'd borrowed a pickup truck that would accommodate the task.
我父亲对保罗的棺材进行了非常具体的测量，包括长度、宽度和重量，他借了一辆可以完成这项任务的皮卡车。
But apparently, to the surprise of probably no one except my parents, the rules about moving a body tend to be rather strict.
但显然，除了我父母之外，可能没有人感到惊讶，关于移动尸体的规则往往相当严格。
You can't just haul around a casket that's been stuck in the ground for more than 20 years.
你不能只是拖着一个已经埋在地下20多年的棺材。
The casket itself has to go into a special container of its own, one that's clearly marked and labeled.
棺材本身必须放入一个特殊的容器中，该容器有清晰的标记和标签。
Dad didn't think it was as funny as the shipping dispatcher did when the box proved to be too long to fit in the truck.
当事实证明盒子太长而无法装进卡车时，爸爸并不像运输调度员那样觉得有趣。
He didn't think it was funny when the box was strapped in using extension cords.
当盒子用延长线绑起来时，他觉得这并不好笑。
And he certainly didn't think it was funny when he had to pull the truck over to the side of the highway every 10 miles, where he and my mother would have to get out and push the box marked "Caution: human remains" back into the truck as cars zipped past, the other drivers' mouths hanging open, their eyes agog, their necks snapping around at the sight of two old people and their box of bones.
他当然不认为这很有趣，因为他必须每隔 10 英里把卡车停到高速公路边，在那里，他和我母亲必须下车，把标有“小心：人类遗骸”的盒子推回卡车，汽车呼啸而过，其他司机一看到两个老人和他们的骨头盒子，就张大了嘴，眼睛发痛，脖子猛地扭动。
But Mom loved every moment.
但妈妈热爱每时每刻。
Burying a son once is tragic, but twice, well, that's a habit.
埋葬儿子一次是悲剧，但埋葬两次，那就是一种习惯了。
She took great pleasure in calling each of her children after arriving home, letting us know that she and Dad were back from a long journey, that our father was exhausted from the drive, and that a box containing our beloved baby brother was currently sitting in her garage.
到家后，她很高兴地给每个孩子打电话，告诉我们她和爸爸长途旅行回来了，我们的父亲因开车而疲惫不堪，而一个装有我们心爱的小弟弟的盒子目前正放在她的车库里。
There was an old, almost forgotten glee in her voice.
她的声音里有一种古老的、几乎被遗忘的欢乐。
We all noticed it.
我们都注意到了。
She seemed to revel in our shock, and laughed at our perplexed horror.
她似乎陶醉于我们的震惊，并嘲笑我们困惑的恐惧。
She'd never joked about Paul, never.
她从来没有拿保罗开玩笑，从来没有。
And sure, the jokes were utterly tasteless and wholly inappropriate, but it was nice to see her old, wicked personality kick in.
当然，这些笑话完全没有品味，而且完全不合适，但很高兴看到她古老而邪恶的性格开始发挥作用。
Suddenly, Paul wasn't off-limits.
突然间，保罗不再是禁区。
"They're getting creepy," my brother Matt said.
“它们变得令人毛骨悚然，”我哥哥马特说。
"Well, that's what happens when you get old," Colin said.
“嗯，这就是当你变老时会发生的事情，”科林说。
"You never throw anything away." "Remind me to be cremated," I told my brother Casey.
“你永远不会扔掉任何东西。” “提醒我火葬，”我告诉我的兄弟凯西。
"It won't matter," Casey responded.
“没关系，”凯西回答道。
"That'll just make you easier to cart around wherever they go." "Paul's obviously their favorite," Pat said dryly.
“这只会让你更容易带着它们去任何地方。” “保罗显然是他们的最爱，”帕特干巴巴地说。
"Of course, it's easy to love a kid that you don't have to tell to shut up." And there he was.
“当然，爱一个你不必告诉他闭嘴的孩子很容易。”他就在那里。
Paul was back among us, our brother at last.
保罗终于回到了我们中间，成为我们的兄弟。
We didn't even know we had missed him.
我们甚至不知道我们已经想念他了。
We didn't know we could miss him.
我们不知道我们会想念他。
Years of silence and confusion were, overnight, replaced with deeply inappropriate dead baby jokes, and everyone's favorite, sibling rivalry.
一夜之间，多年的沉默和混乱被极其不恰当的死婴笑话和每个人最喜欢的兄弟姐妹间的竞争所取代。
Where, we wondered, would they be taking Paul next?
我们想知道他们接下来会带保罗去哪里？
Disneyland?
迪士尼乐园？
We never got to go to Disneyland.
我们从来没有去过迪士尼乐园。
"You never took us anywhere," we cried.
“你从来没有带我们去任何地方，”我们哭道。
"How could we?" Mom told us.
“我们怎么能？”妈妈告诉我们的。
"You kids were always fighting."
“你们这些孩子总是打架。”
But mom was clearly the worst.
但妈妈显然是最糟糕的。
She relished her gross-out humor and always managed to do one better.
她很享受自己令人作呕的幽默，而且总是能做得更好。
Not long after this, she called each of her sons, one by one, to ask in her most serious and earnest voice if we'd ever had a, you know, bad experience with a priest when we were kids.
不久之后，她一一打电话给她的每个儿子，用她最严肃、最恳切的声音询问我们小时候是否有过，你知道，与牧师有过不愉快的经历。
This was in the middle of the terrible molestation scandals, and she told us that she absolutely, positively wanted to know.
当时正值可怕的性骚扰丑闻之中，她告诉我们她绝对、非常想知道。
One by one, we assured her that nothing of the kind had ever happened, that our priests were good guys, and that no one had ever tried anything, ever.
我们一一向她保证，从来没有发生过类似的事情，我们的牧师都是好人，从来没有人尝试过任何事情。
"Well crap," she said.
“好吧，废话，”她说。
"That's what your brothers said, too.
“你的兄弟们也是这么说的。
I must have raised the six ugliest boys on the face of the earth." And then she laughed and laughed, delighted that she'd gotten another one on us.
我一定养育了地球上最丑的六个男孩。”然后她笑了又笑，很高兴她又给我们买了一张。
Dad's voice would pipe up somewhere behind her, mildly irritated at having to remind her, yet again, not six, seven.
爸爸的声音会在她身后的某个地方响起，因为不得不再次提醒她，而不是六、七，他有点恼火。
Michaeul Beaumier, reading an excerpt from his book, I Know You're Out There , which comes out next month.
迈克尔·博米尔正在阅读他的书《我知道你在外面》的摘录，该书将于下个月出版。
By the way, the town he talks about in that story is Grand Forks, North Dakota.
顺便说一句，他在那个故事中谈到的小镇是北达科他州的大福克斯。
[MUSIC - "THE CAT CAME BACK" BY MIKE TREESE AND DJ RUDE ONE]
[音乐 - MIKE TREESE 和 DJ RUDE ONE 的“猫回来了”]
Act Four, Refugee Cat.
第四幕，难民猫。
Well, our program today is about people who keep coming back, no matter what.
好吧，我们今天的节目是关于无论如何都会回来的人们。
In this act, we look at people in the opposite situation.
在这个行为中，我们观察处于相反情况的人。
They're trying to come back, but finding it very, very hard.
他们试图回来，但发现非常非常困难。
There are many people right now from New Orleans who are trying to get back to New Orleans, but fear they will not have homes to go to, because they were renters in the public housing projects there.
现在有许多来自新奥尔良的人试图返回新奥尔良，但担心他们将无家可归，因为他们是那里公共住房项目的租户。
Before Hurricane Katrina, there were over 12,000 people like that, thousands more were getting section eight vouchers to help them rent apartments around the city.
在卡特里娜飓风之前，有超过 12,000 名这样的人，还有数千人获得了第八部分的代金券，以帮助他们在城市各地租用公寓。
Since the flood, the Department of Housing and Urban Development has announced that instead of fixing up some of the big housing developments, it's going to tear them down.
洪水发生后，住房和城市发展部宣布不再修复一些大型住房开发项目，而是将其拆除。
Four of them are scheduled to go, which means that the 7,500 people who lived in those apartments are going to have to find other places to live.
其中四人计划搬走，这意味着住在这些公寓里的 7,500 人将不得不寻找其他地方居住。
Cheryl Wagner, who lives in New Orleans, has been following all of this.
住在新奥尔良的谢丽尔·瓦格纳一直在关注这一切。
And she has noticed that the guiding principle in this debate seems to be for everybody on all sides, those who want to tear down the projects, and those who want to save them, to make each other, and everybody else, feel as terrible as possible.
她注意到，这场辩论的指导原则似乎是为了各方的每个人，那些想要拆除这些项目的人，以及那些想要拯救这些项目的人，让彼此和其他人都感到尽可能的可怕。
This is a story that I like to call "Who Should Be Ashamed of Themselves?" There are few spectator sports quite like watching people in the public housing debate skirmish for the moral high ground.
我喜欢将这个故事称为“谁应该为自己感到羞耻？”很少有观赏性运动能像观看公共住房辩论中的人们争夺道德制高点那样的小冲突。
Every time some poor sop points out that bringing back the old buildings the way they were might not be such a good idea, that an awful lot of people have gotten shot in or near New Orleans housing projects, that many units are dilapidated, or that the Housing Authority of New Orleans was failing so miserably that HUD took over years ago, someone counters with, "Y'all should be ashamed of yourself for trying to put all those poor, flooded, old ladies and children out in the street."
每当一些可怜的工作人员指出，将旧建筑恢复原状可能不是一个好主意，很多人在新奥尔良的住房项目内或附近遭到枪击，许多单元都破旧不堪，或者新奥尔良住房管理局在几年前就被 HUD 接管了，有人反驳道：“你们都应该为自己感到羞耻，因为你们试图将所有那些贫穷的、被洪水淹没的老太太和孩子赶到街上。”
On the other hand, some housing activists cried "For shame," when HUD upped the amount of section eight vouchers 35% to address the soaring rents in the post-Katrina rental market, marking perhaps the first time ever that housing activists protested a government agency giving more money to the poor.
另一方面，当 HUD 将第 8 条代金券的金额提高 35% 以解决卡特里娜飓风后租赁市场租金飙升的问题时，一些住房活动人士大喊“羞愧”，这也许是住房活动人士第一次抗议政府机构向穷人提供更多资金。
And then all sorts of middle-class people started protesting, too, writing editorials to the local paper, complaining that HUD was inflating the price of rentals, and squeezing firemen and teachers out of New Orleans in favor of poor people.
然后，各种中产阶级也开始抗议，他们向当地报纸撰写社论，抱怨住房和城市发展部抬高租金，并把消防员和教师赶出新奥尔良，以利于穷人。
Legal secretaries are just as flooded, they point out, and no one upped their salaries 35%.
他们指出，法律秘书也同样人满为患，而且没有人将薪水提高 35%。
Some of the people throwing stones at HUD aren't even from New Orleans, much less from the projects.
一些向 HUD 扔石头的人甚至不是来自新奥尔良，更不用说来自该项目了。
Since the storm, both local and what some here might call "carpetbagging" housing activists have rushed to the scene, clutching "Gentrification equals globalization equals racism equals imperialism equals war" flyers.
风暴发生以来，当地和一些人可能称之为“地毯式打包”的住房活动人士纷纷赶到现场，手里拿着“绅士化等于全球化等于种族主义等于帝国主义等于战争”的传单。
When activists showed up at meetings of the City Housing Authority protesting the destruction of existing public housing stock, that's when the real shame-off began.
当活动人士出现在市住房管理局的会议上抗议破坏现有公共住房时，真正的耻辱就开始了。
At one meeting, they brought a stressed-out African-American housing administrator close to tears.
在一次会议上，一位压力重重的非裔美国住房管理员几乎落泪。
They accused her of trying to purge New Orleans of other African-Americans, of taking bribes, of not caring.
他们指责她试图清除新奥尔良的其他非裔美国人、收受贿赂、漠不关心。
This is a woman who lives in New Orleans and who was stranded for three days on the roof of her office in Gentilly before being rescued by boat.
这是一位住在新奥尔良的妇女，她在让蒂利办公室的屋顶上被困了三天，然后才被船救起。
At that meeting, she shamed back.
在那次会议上，她羞愧了。
"I would respect more of you if you lived in our residences," she told the activists, her voice breaking.
“如果你们住在我们的住所，我会更加尊重你们，”她声音嘶哑地告诉活动人士。
"I talk to my residents every day."
“我每天都和我的居民交谈。”
The public housing shame wars also lead to bizarre moments of dueling activism, some hippie-on-hippie.
公共住房耻辱战争也导致了激进主义决斗的奇怪时刻，一些嬉皮士对嬉皮士。
The latest was a few days ago, when a bunch of bicycling and public park groovers made the mistake of saying it would be kind of neat to have a rails-to-trails type public bike path on a devastated and forgotten swath that cuts through the city, some of it near some projects.
最近的一次发生在几天前，当时一群骑自行车和公园的人错误地表示，在一条穿过城市的被毁坏和被遗忘的地带上建立一条轨道到小路类型的公共自行车道会有点整洁，其中一些靠近一些项目。
This prompted a different group of activists to accuse the bikers of colluding with HUD and the permanent expulsion of the community, which amounted to ethnic cleansing.
这促使另一群活动人士指责骑车人与 HUD 勾结，并永久驱逐该社区，这相当于种族清洗。
Really, bike paths equal ethnic cleansing.
确实，自行车道等于种族清洗。
And then along comes Home Depot, who wants a piece of the C.
然后家得宝 (Home Depot) 也出现了，它想要从 C 中分一杯羹。
J.
J。
Peete Housing Development real estate to build a store.
皮特住房开发房地产公司建造了一家商店。
And then there was the displaced granny in her wheelchair, and the mothers and the children threatening to break into their own homes, just to get their belongings, and hopefully clean out their apartments.
然后是坐在轮椅上流离失所的奶奶，母亲和孩子们威胁要闯入自己的家，只是为了拿走他们的财物，并希望清理他们的公寓。
Because HUD had locked them out with barbed wire, and in some places, steel doors, the spectacle of which should make us all really, truly ashamed.
因为 HUD 用铁丝网把它们锁在外面，有些地方还用钢门锁住了它们，这样的景象应该让我们所有人都感到非常非常羞愧。
A number of public housing residents simply want their old neighborhoods back, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
许多公共住房居民只是想回到他们原来的社区，无论是好的、坏的还是丑陋的。
But HUD claims mold and contamination make these properties uninhabitable.
但 HUD 声称霉菌和污染使这些房产无法居住。
Some residents are quick to point out that HUD has a lot of nerve, given the conditions before the flood.
一些居民很快指出，鉴于洪水前的情况，HUD 非常有勇气。
"We've been living in mold.
“我们一直生活在霉菌中。
We've been living with backed-up sewage," one displaced resident of the Saint Bernard project rebuked to the local paper.
我们一直生活在污水中，”圣伯纳德项目的一名流离失所的居民向当地报纸斥责道。
"We've been living with gunshots over our heads and broken everything.
“我们一直生活在头顶上的枪声中，一切都被破坏了。
Now all of a sudden, it's a hazard?
现在突然就危险了？
It's been a hazard.
这是一个危险。
But we want to come home."
但我们想回家。”
Last week, when I went to the Saint Bernard Housing Project the city has slated for demolition, tall chain link fences and barbed wire surrounded the blocks of deserted apartments.
上周，当我去圣伯纳德住房项目时，该市已计划拆除，废弃的公寓楼周围环绕着高高的铁丝网和铁丝网。
Earlier this month, I went to a meeting that the paper had billed as a place where people would discuss public housing issues.
本月早些时候，我参加了一次会议，该报称该会议是人们讨论公共住房问题的地方。
But no one from public housing was there.
但没有任何来自公共住房的人在那里。
The man in charge said the paper had it all wrong.
负责人说报纸上的内容全错了。
They were just looking for volunteers.
他们只是在寻找志愿者。
He pointed to a small boom box and some women sitting at a fold-out table stacked with hot dog buns.
他指着一个小音箱，一些妇女坐在折叠桌旁，桌上堆满了热狗面包。
"Today we're gutting houses and having a little DJ barbecue after," he said.
“今天我们要拆毁房屋，然后进行小型 DJ 烧烤，”他说。
He told me how he had been gutting and coordinating gutting for elderly and low-income displaced families for nearly a year.
他告诉我近一年来他是如何为老年人和低收入流离失所家庭进行清理工作和协调清理工作的。
I attempted to commiserate, telling him about all the houses that hadn't been gutted in our neighborhood, and how I and others were taking care of many of our elderly and displaced neighbors' yards.
我试图表示同情，告诉他我们附近所有没有被毁坏的房子，以及我和其他人如何照顾我们许多老人和流离失所的邻居的院子。
"But that's to keep up your own property," he said.
“但那是为了保护你自己的财产，”他说。
"That's people helping themselves when they do that." I had the distinct feeling that he wanted me to put down my pen and pick up a claw hammer and help them gut some houses.
“人们这样做就是在帮助自己。”我有一种明显的感觉，他希望我放下笔，拿起羊角锤，帮助他们摧毁一些房屋。
I probably should have, but I didn't.
我可能应该这么做，但我没有。
I left ashamed.
我羞愧地离开了。
I predict that if things keep going the way they are, soon everyone in New Orleans with half a heart will be ashamed of themselves full time.
我预测，如果事情继续这样发展下去，很快新奥尔良的每个半心半意的人都会为自己全职感到羞耻。
I'm already ashamed of my boyfriend, who used his emergency disaster food stamps to buy tuna steaks and goat cheese.
我已经为我的男朋友感到羞耻了，他用紧急灾难食品券购买了金枪鱼牛排和山羊奶酪。
I'm ashamed of myself for sharing this meal.
我为自己分享这顿饭感到羞愧。
I'm also ashamed of myself for writing this, instead of gutting an elderly person's house, and for having my 67-year-old mother help me carry rubble buckets from my own house gutting, even though she has both carpal tunnel and trigger finger.
我也为自己写这篇文章而感到羞耻，而不是去拆毁一位老人的房子，并让我67岁的母亲帮我从我自己的房子里搬出瓦砾桶，尽管她既有腕管又有扳机指。
I feel bad for not going to Mass for the past 10 years, and for not washing my dogS this week.
我为过去十年没有去弥撒以及这周没有给我的狗洗澡而感到难过。
Does that help?
这有帮助吗？
Cheryl Wagner in New Orleans.
谢丽尔·瓦格纳在新奥尔良。
Credits Ira Glass Our program was produced today by Diane Cook and myself with Alex Blumberg, Jane Feltes, Lisa Pollak, Alix Spiegel, and Nancy Updike.
图片来源 Ira Glass 我们今天的节目由黛安·库克 (Diane Cook) 和我本人以及亚历克斯·布伦伯格 (Alex Blumberg)、简·菲尔特斯 (Jane Feltes)、丽莎·波拉克 (Lisa Pollak)、阿利克斯·斯皮格尔 (Alix Spiegel) 和南希·厄普代克 (Nancy Updike) 制作。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Elizabeth Meister runs our website.
伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister) 负责运营我们的网站。
Production help from Seth Lind and Steven January.
Seth Lind 和 Steven January 提供制作帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] Covers of the song "The Cat Came Back" today were performed for us by Nedelle Torrisi, the band Headache City, and Mike Treese and DJ Rude One.
[鸣谢] 今天，Nedelle Torrisi、Headache City 乐队、Mike Treese 和 DJ Rude One 为我们翻唱了歌曲“The Cat Came Back”。
(SUBJECT) NEDELLE TORRISI [SINGING] So I gave him to a scientist destined for the moon.
（主题）NEDELLE TORISI [唱歌] 所以我把他交给了一位注定要登上月球的科学家。
The cat was used for ballast in an outer space balloon.
这只猫被用作外太空气球的压舱物。
You know, you can download today's program at our archives at audible.com/thisamericanlife.
您知道，您可以在我们的档案库 audible.com/thisamericanlife 下载今天的节目。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight for our program, Mr. Torey Malatia, who has heard what we say about him at the end of every single show.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理监督我们的节目的是 Torey Malatia 先生，他在每场演出结束时都听到了我们对他的评价。
And he has talked to a special public relations consultant, who helped him put together, finally, after all these years, a response.
他还与一位特殊的公关顾问进行了交谈，这位顾问帮助他在这么多年之后终于做出了回应。
Here it is.
这里是。
Stop it, you buttheads.
别说了，你们这些混蛋。
Ira Glass Back next week, with more stories of This American Life.
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 下周回归，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。