315: The Parrot and the Potbellied Pig - This American Life
You are using an outdated browser.
您正在使用过时的浏览器。
Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience.
请升级您的浏览器或激活 Google Chrome 浏览器内嵌框架以改善您的体验。
Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #315 | July 21, 2006 315: The Parrot and the Potbellied Pig Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 315 集 | 2006 年 7 月 21 日 315：鹦鹉和大腹便便的猪 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass When Rosie was a kid, they had a dog named Fu, a Shih Tzu.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯 当罗西还是个孩子的时候，他们养了一只名叫福的狗，是一只西施犬。
And Rosie's mom swears that she knows the exact day the dog went bad.
罗西的妈妈发誓她知道狗变坏的确切日期。
It came when she heard about a discount way to get a dog grooming.
当她听说有一种打折的狗美容方式时，她就想到了这一点。
It was this grooming school.
就是这家美容学校。
Her friend said that it didn't cost much, and they were very good.
她的朋友说，花不了多少钱，而且非常好。
But my mother believes that this experience sort of ruined Fu.
但我母亲认为，这段经历有点毁了傅。
That somehow they tortured him and did something wrong in his first grooming.
不知何故，他们折磨了他，并在他第一次梳洗时做了一些错误的事情。
What?
什么？
He went to get his hair cut, basically, and they ruined him as a dog?
他去理发了，基本上，他们毁了他作为一条狗？
Well, he got like shaved.
好吧，他就像剃光了一样。
And he got like full-on, summer shave.
他就像夏天刮胡子一样。
And he came back a different dog, according to my mother.
据我母亲说，他回来时是一只不同的狗。
After the grooming, he became a biter.
梳理毛发后，他变得咬人。
Rosie got bit.
罗西被咬了。
Other people got bit.
其他人都被咬了。
There were trips to the hospital, lots of drama.
有去医院的次数，有很多戏剧性的事情。
Fu hated people.
傅讨厌人。
And then the parrot arrived, Judy the parrot.
然后鹦鹉来了，鹦鹉朱迪。
The neighbors had actually bought this parrot without understanding what a lot of trouble that parrots can be.
邻居们实际上买了这只鹦鹉，但并不知道鹦鹉会带来多大的麻烦。
Parrots can be very anxious birds, especially when you leave them alone.
鹦鹉可能是非常焦虑的鸟类，尤其是当你让它们独自一人时。
They can pull out their feathers.
他们可以拔掉羽毛。
They can screech like a smoke alarm.
它们可以像烟雾警报器一样发出尖叫声。
So they took the bird cage and put a note on it that said, take this bird or we're going to cook it, and left the cage in front of our door.
于是他们拿走了鸟笼，并在上面贴了一张纸条，上面写着，拿走这只鸟，否则我们要把它煮熟，然后把鸟笼放在我们的门前。
We were like two doors down the hall.
我们就像大厅里的两扇门。
So we took her in.
所以我们就收留了她。
And we didn't know-- we'd had dogs and cats, but we'd never had a bird.
我们不知道——我们养过狗和猫，但我们从未养过鸟。
And before you knew it, we all loved her.
在你意识到之前，我们都爱她。
You know, my mother she'd let the bird perch on the edge of her coffee cup in the morning and drink her morning coffee with her.
你知道，我的母亲早上会让小鸟栖息在她的咖啡杯边缘，和她一起喝早晨的咖啡。
And Fu and Judy just quickly became best friends.
傅和朱迪很快就成了最好的朋友。
I don't know what it was, but they just connected.
我不知道那是什么，但他们只是联系在一起了。
And it was very cute, because you'd see this little, matted Shih Tzu and this like eight inch high parrot pacing the floor of the apartment together like they were walking down the hall having a chat.
它非常可爱，因为你会看到这只小而蓬乱的西施犬和这只八英寸高的鹦鹉一起在公寓的地板上踱步，就像它们正在走廊里聊天一样。
They would stroll together.
他们会一起散步。
And Fu would roll on his back.
傅会仰面翻滚。
He hated it when any person came near his stomach.
他讨厌任何人靠近他的肚子。
She could crawl all over him.
她可以爬到他身上。
And she did.
她做到了。
She would crawl up his chest, up to his face, peck at his face like she was giving him kisses.
她会爬上他的胸口，爬到他的脸上，轻吻他的脸，就像在亲吻他一样。
This dog that would actually try to bite all of you?
这只狗真的会试图咬你们所有人吗？
Yes, he loved it, loved the parrot.
是的，他喜欢它，喜欢这只鹦鹉。
I mean, he'd had dog girlfriends before, and he got along fine with the cats.
我的意思是，他以前有过狗女朋友，而且他和猫相处得很好。
But we'd never seen him develop a friendship like that.
但我们从未见过他发展出这样的友谊。
Oh, this is like the big-- Rosie Schaap This was the big friendship, big romance.
哦，这就像伟大的——罗西·沙普（Rosie Schaap）这是伟大的友谊，伟大的浪漫。
So this went on for a long, long time.
所以这种情况持续了很长很长一段时间。
And then, one day, Fu came into the kitchen to eat, and the whole family was there including the parrot, Judy.
然后，有一天，福走进厨房吃饭，全家人都在那里，包括鹦鹉朱迪。
And she flew down to the floor and went over to Fu's bowls and, as I remember it, drank a little bit of his water.
她飞到地板上，走到傅的碗边，据我记得，喝了一点他的水。
But then, she went into his food dish.
但随后，她就进了他的菜盘。
And I don't know how that hadn't happened before.
我不知道以前怎么没有发生过这种情况。
She took some bit of dog food into her beak, and, in just like a split second, he went over and bit the top-feathers right out of her head.
她叼了一些狗粮到嘴里，就在一瞬间，他走过去，把她头上的羽毛咬掉了。
And she squawked, and squawked, and squawked.
她嘎嘎叫，嘎嘎叫，嘎嘎叫。
And sort of hyperventilated in this very alarming bird way, because they're so tiny, and you can hear them panting, and it sounds like they're going to just die from anxiety.
以这种非常令人震惊的鸟类方式，有点换气过度，因为它们太小了，你可以听到它们的喘息声，听起来它们就要因焦虑而死。
It's interesting how the traumatic event in his life was a bad haircut, and then he, basically, turns around and gives that to her.
有趣的是，他生命中的创伤事件是一个糟糕的发型，然后他基本上转身把它给了她。
Yeah, but the bird was just ready to pass-out, she was so terrified.
是啊，但是那只鸟快要昏过去了，她太害怕了。
But after that, she pretty much stayed in my room with the door closed.
但在那之后，她几乎一直关着门呆在我的房间里。
Fu would come to the bedroom door and scratch, and scratch, and cry, and cry.
傅总来到卧室门前，抓啊抓，哭啊哭。
And it was just awful.
这太糟糕了。
And she would usually squawk, not in a friendly, hey buddy, I miss you way, but in a fearful way.
她通常会大声喊叫，不是用友好的“嘿哥们儿，我想你”的方式，而是用一种恐惧的方式。
It was his best friend, and he'd just sit there at the door sort of scratching and pining.
那是他最好的朋友，而他只是坐在门口，搔抓着，憔悴不已。
And that was that, really.
确实就是这样。
Because he just snapped.
因为他刚刚爆发了。
In one moment he was like a dog more than he was a parrot's pal.
有一瞬间，他更像是一只狗，而不是一只鹦鹉朋友。
It was like suddenly he turned into a real dog, and then it's like she realized, oh, he's a dog.
就好像他突然变成了一只真正的狗，然后她就意识到，哦，他是一只狗。
My friend is a dog.
我的朋友是一只狗。
And then she became a parrot again.
然后她又变成了一只鹦鹉。
I don't know if she realized he was a dog, and she was a bird.
我不知道她是否意识到他是一只狗，而她是一只鸟。
Whatever their essential animal nature's, what we knew was that they had been best friends.
无论他们本质上的动物本性是什么，我们都知道他们一直是最好的朋友。
And in some ridiculous, anthropomorphic way, it looked very romantic.
以某种荒谬、拟人化的方式，它看起来非常浪漫。
And then it was totally betrayed.
然后就彻底被背叛了。
When he snapped at her.
当他对她厉声斥责时。
Rosie Schaap When he snapped at her.
罗西·沙普（Rosie Schaap） 当他对她厉声斥责时。
And then it was over.
然后就结束了。
I think it was just betrayal.
我认为这只是背叛。
I know, but he made one, little mistake.
我知道，但他犯了一个小错误。
I don't know why, but I'm identifying with the dog here, very strongly.
我不知道为什么，但我非常强烈地认同这里的狗。
Well, we did too.
嗯，我们也这么做了。
We did too.
我们也这么做了。
It was horrible to hear him pining at the bedroom door.
听到他在卧室门上捶胸顿足的声音真是太可怕了。
I mean, it really was like this awful, tragic romance.
我的意思是，这真的就像一段可怕的、悲剧性的浪漫故事。
And he pined, and pined, and pined.
他憔悴，憔悴，憔悴。
He pined for her, Rosie says, until the day he died.
罗西说，他一直思念着她，直到他去世的那一天。
Judy never forgave him.
朱迪始终没有原谅他。
We talked to anybody who knows about parrots, they'll tell you that people are constantly misunderstanding them and underestimating them.
我们与任何了解鹦鹉的人交谈过，他们都会告诉你，人们一直在误解和低估它们。
I was talking to this guy for this week's show who did research with parrots at MIT.
我在本周的节目中与这个在麻省理工学院进行鹦鹉研究的人交谈。
And he was explaining to me how they're amazingly smart.
他正在向我解释他们如何异常聪明。
For instance, he says that it's actually a myth that they only mimic words.
例如，他说，他们只是模仿文字，这实际上是一个神话。
They actually learn the words.
他们实际上学习了这些单词。
They use them correctly.
他们正确地使用它们。
But it's one thing for people to misunderstand parrots, until I heard about Fu and Judy, I had no idea that other animals might make the same mistake.
但人们误解鹦鹉是一回事，直到我听说福和朱迪，我才知道其他动物可能会犯同样的错误。
If only Fu knew how to treat a parrot.
如果傅知道如何对待一只鹦鹉就好了。
But today on our show, we have stories of people underestimating what certain animals are like.
但今天在我们的节目中，我们讲述了人们低估某些动物的故事。
Not just parrots, no, no, no, how narrow would that be.
不仅仅是鹦鹉，不不不，那该有多窄啊。
How small minded, how limited the vision and scope.
心胸多么狭隘，视野和范围多么有限。
No, no, we will not just confine ourselves to parrots this hour.
不，不，这个时候我们不会只局限于鹦鹉。
We will also be talking about pot-bellied pigs.
我们还将讨论大腹猪。
It's the Parrot and the Pot-bellied Pig.
这是鹦鹉和大腹猪。
By the end of this hour, people get thrown in jail, relationships end, love affairs start, all because of these two animals.
到这个小时结束时，人们被投入监狱，人际关系结束，爱情开始，这一切都是因为这两种动物。
For WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life, distributed by Public Radio International.
WBEZ 芝加哥的节目是《This American Life》，由国际公共广播电台发行。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Act one of our show today, Parrot.
今天我们的表演之一，鹦鹉。
Act two-- Pig.
第二幕——猪。
Act three- Combo Platter, in which David Sedaris has a story with both the parrot and the pot-bellied pig.
第三幕——组合拼盘，大卫·塞达里斯讲述了鹦鹉和大腹猪的故事。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Parrot.
第一幕，鹦鹉。
Eric and Alex have been telling their parrot story since they were in school years ago.
埃里克和亚历克斯从多年前上学起就一直在讲述他们的鹦鹉故事。
They've told this story many, many times to friends, to family, to strangers.
他们已经向朋友、家人、陌生人多次讲述过这个故事。
In fact, the night before they came into the studio to tell this story, they went to a bar, and they practiced telling the story to random customers including, at one point, an actual movie star, who happen to be in town filming a big, blockbuster movie.
事实上，在他们进入工作室讲述这个故事的前一天晚上，他们去了一家酒吧，练习向随机的顾客讲述这个故事，其中有一次，包括一位真正的电影明星，他碰巧在城里拍摄一部大片。
They've told the story so many times that at this point they're not exactly sure they even have the facts right.
他们已经把这个故事讲了很多次了，以至于现在他们甚至不确定自己是否掌握了事实。
Which means something to them, because they are reporters.
这对他们来说意义重大，因为他们是记者。
Facts are their business.
事实是他们的事。
And, in fact, this story began as an assignment in journalism school.
事实上，这个故事是从新闻学校的一项作业开始的。
Alex turned in the story for a class, but, even after he did that, the two of them continued to run down leads and interview people for the story.
亚历克斯在课堂上交了这个故事，但是，即使在他这样做之后，他们两人仍然继续寻找线索并采访有关故事的人。
They could not stop themselves, such is their crush on this story.
他们无法阻止自己，这就是他们对这个故事的迷恋。
The story begins in Central Park in New York City at some party thrown by some big company.
故事开始于纽约中央公园某大公司举办的聚会。
Somehow, a young wannabe actor, aspiring actor of Puerto Rican descent from Brooklyn, named Johnny de Villa winds up at this party.
不知何故，一位年轻的想要成为演员、有抱负的布鲁克林波多黎各血统演员的约翰尼·德维拉最终出现在了这个派对上。
Yeah, maybe he's there with a girlfriend.
是的，也许他和女朋友在一起。
I'm sure Eric recalls why he's there.
我确信埃里克还记得他来这里的原因。
I have no recollection whatsoever.
我什么都不记得了。
But I think sometime we say, he crashed the party.
但我想有时我们会说，他破坏了聚会。
And sometimes we say that he-- in any case, he got there early, very early, and he stayed late, very late.
有时我们说他——无论如何，他很早就到了那里，而且他呆得很晚，很晚。
And he drank.
他喝了。
Eric Holm And it may well be, as we recall it now, that he smoked a lot of pot.
埃里克·霍姆（Eric Holm） 正如我们现在所记得的那样，他很可能吸了很多大麻。
But it may not be.
但事实可能并非如此。
Alex Lane It may not be.
亚历克斯·莱恩 可能不是。
That he's high?
说他高？
Eric Holm Yeah, but in any case he decides to wander out on his own at about 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning.
Eric Holm 是的，但无论如何，他决定在凌晨 1:30 或 2:00 左右独自出去逛逛。
And he wanders through the park for a little while.
他在公园里闲逛了一会儿。
And he wanders through these gates that are open.
他漫步穿过这些敞开的大门。
Well, yeah.
嗯，是的。
In this section of the story, we should say is his recollection, what he later told police.
这一段故事，我们应该说的是他的回忆，他后来告诉警方的。
So he wanders in and, before he knows it, there's sort of a distant splashing and sea lions.
于是他走进去，不知不觉间，远处传来了水花和海狮的声音。
And he's just sort of walking and thinking.
他只是边走边思考。
And he thinks that literally, they accidentally just left the gates open to the entire zoo.
他认为，从字面上看，他们不小心把整个动物园的大门打开了。
That's his story?
这就是他的故事？
And, of course, the zoo told us that that would be absolutely impossible.
当然，动物园告诉我们这是绝对不可能的。
Maybe there's some plausibility, but it's unlikely that they left the aviary open.
也许有一些合理性，但他们不太可能让鸟舍开放。
Which is where Johnny found himself after a little bit of wandering.
这就是约翰尼在一番徘徊之后发现自己所在的地方。
And the door is wide open.
门是敞开的。
He strolls right in, and, the way he tells it, there was a long line of cages.
他径直走进去，据他所说，那里有一排笼子。
There was a mist.
有雾。
Eric Holm A mist, he says.
埃里克·霍姆 雾气，他说。
A mist indoors?
室内有雾气？
Eric Holm Well, he may have been high.
埃里克·霍姆（Eric Holm）：嗯，他可能喝醉了。
Or he may not have.
或者他可能没有。
He definitely said, there was this mist.
他肯定地说，有这雾气。
And the mist sort of cleared.
雾气也渐渐散去。
and before him was a parrot with brilliant green plumage and a red tuft on its head.
在他面前是一只鹦鹉，它的羽毛呈亮绿色，头上有一簇红色的毛。
And they locked eyes.
他们四目相对。
He looked at the parrot.
他看着鹦鹉。
The parrot looked at him.
鹦鹉看着他。
And they had an instant connection, he says.
他说，他们之间建立了即时联系。
And so he says to the parrot, "you want to go?" And the parrot says to him, "yeah." And he says, "Let's go."
于是他对鹦鹉说：“你想去吗？”鹦鹉对他说：“是的。”他说：“我们走吧。”
The parrot says him, "yeah?" Eric Holm As he recalls.
鹦鹉对他说：“是吗？”埃里克·霍尔姆回忆道。
As he recalls.
据他回忆。
Which is unlikely, because this is not a talking parrot.
这不太可能，因为这不是一只会说话的鹦鹉。
This is a crucial plot point, actually, that it's not a talking parrot.
事实上，这是一个关键的情节点，它不是一只会说话的鹦鹉。
What it is though, is it's an extremely endangered parrot, which Johnny does not know.
但它实际上是一种极度濒危的鹦鹉，约翰尼并不知道。
And the third, and most important thing that he doesn't know, is that this bird is suffering from an acute respiratory illness which necessitates that it take antibiotics.
第三，也是他不知道的最重要的事情是，这只鸟患有急性呼吸道疾病，需要服用抗生素。
And the zoo has been treating it with these antibiotics for several days or weeks.
动物园已经用这些抗生素治疗它几天或几周了。
So it's endangered.
所以它濒临灭绝。
It's valued at $20,000.
它的价值为 20,000 美元。
And it's sick.
它病了。
And he walks out of the zoo with it on his shoulder and gets on the subway.
他肩上扛着它走出动物园，上了地铁。
And he takes this parrot all the way back to Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.
他带着这只鹦鹉一路回到了布鲁克林的湾岭。
But the parrot is not a domestic pet.
但鹦鹉不是家养宠物。
It's a wild parrot.
这是一只野生鹦鹉。
It's flying around.
它飞来飞去。
It's squawking.
它在嘎嘎叫。
It's poorly behaved.
它的行为很糟糕。
So even though Johnny is a vegetarian and animal lover, he is starting to have a hard time dealing with this.
因此，尽管约翰尼是素食主义者和动物爱好者，但他开始很难应对这个问题。
Buyer's remorse.
买家的悔恨。
Eric Holm Yeah, buyer's remorse.
Eric Holm 是的，买家后悔了。
Now you know, buyer's remorse is traditionally a phrase that is used for people who buy something.
现在您知道了，买家的悔恨传统上是用于形容购买某物的人的短语。
Traditionally, yes.
传统上是的。
Ira Glass So Johnny reads up on birds, Alex and Eric say.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 亚历克斯和埃里克说，所以约翰尼会研究鸟类。
Tries to figure out what to feed it.
试图弄清楚该给它吃什么。
Tries to do right by the bird.
尝试对鸟做正确的事情。
But the bird is wreaking such havoc, flying around his apartment and screaming, that unsure what else to do, Johnny tries something that he has only heard of, he clips the parrot's wings.
但这只鸟造成了如此严重的破坏，在他的公寓里飞来飞去，尖叫着，约翰尼不知道还能做什么，于是尝试了一种他只听说过的方法，他剪掉了鹦鹉的翅膀。
He clips them with scissors-- scissors.
他用剪刀剪掉它们——剪刀。
This rare, endangered species, a $20,000 bird.
这种稀有濒危物种，一只价值 20,000 美元的鸟。
Owning a parrot has turned out to be very different than Johnny expected, which actually seems to be what always happens to people who own a parrot.
事实证明，拥有一只鹦鹉与约翰尼预想的非常不同，这实际上似乎是拥有鹦鹉的人经常遇到的情况。
And after a month, he wants to unload it on somebody else.
一个月后，他想把它转嫁给别人。
Another actor.
另一位演员。
They've met on the set somewhere.
他们在片场的某个地方见过面。
In fact, Ed's been in some movies.
事实上，艾德曾参演过一些电影。
He was in a Ron Howard movie called The Paper.
他曾参演朗·霍华德的电影《The Paper》。
He was in Born on the 4th of July.
他出生于7月4日。
His full-time day-job or one of the ways he makes money, is that he puts together resumes for other actors.
他的全职工作或者说他赚钱的方式之一就是为其他演员整理简历。
He's doing this for Johnny and expects to be paid about $500.
他为约翰尼做这件事，预计报酬约为 500 美元。
The other thing is that it's hard for him to get this work done, because he has a girlfriend named Dawn.
另一件事是，他很难完成这项工作，因为他有一个名叫黎明的女朋友。
By the way, Ed happens to be confined to a wheelchair.
顺便说一句，埃德碰巧只能坐在轮椅上。
He's a paraplegic.
他是一名截瘫患者。
And while Ed's trying to work, Dawn rolls in every day.
当艾德努力工作时，黎明每天都会出现。
--15 or 20 times a day during his working hours.
--在工作时间内每天15或20次。
He has sort of a home office.
他有一个家庭办公室。
She rolls in looking for kisses and attention.
她滚进来寻找亲吻和关注。
And it also happens that, I think, she's always wanted a parrot.
我想，她也一直想要一只鹦鹉。
So when Johnny comes to Ed and says, well you know, I don't have $500, but I've got this parrot.
所以当约翰尼来找埃德说，你知道，我没有 500 美元，但我有这只鹦鹉。
For Ed, it's just like it's solving a bunch of problems at once.
对于 Ed 来说，这就像同时解决了一堆问题。
Ed finds this to be a marvelous opportunity.
艾德认为这是一个绝佳的机会。
Now Ed and Dawn don't know, certainly, that its been stolen from the Central Park Zoo.
现在艾德和道恩当然不知道它是从中央公园动物园偷来的。
And, most importantly, they too do not realize that this bird has been suffering, now for a month untreated with a serious respiratory infection.
最重要的是，他们也没有意识到这只鸟一直在遭受严重的呼吸道感染，已经一个月没有得到治疗。
Not knowing this, they're chain smokers.
不知道这一点，他们是连续吸烟者。
And their apartment was--
他们的公寓是——
Inhospitable for an endangered sick parrot.
对于濒临灭绝的患病鹦鹉来说不适宜居住。
So we picture the parrot sort of gasping and wheezing when it gets to Dawn and Ed's apartment, because we were.
所以我们想象鹦鹉到达黎明和艾德的公寓时会喘气和喘息，因为我们就是这样。
--When we went to their apartment to talk to them.
——当我们去他们的公寓和他们谈话时。
So Johnny gives them the parrot as payment for resume services, Eric and Alex say.
埃里克和亚历克斯说，所以约翰尼给了他们这只鹦鹉作为恢复服务的报酬。
And immediately there are things that Dawn does not like about this bird.
很快，黎明就发现了这只鸟不喜欢的地方。
Well, first of all, it's not very lively.
嗯，首先，这里不太热闹。
Well, it's had its wings clipped, and it's dying.
嗯，它的翅膀被折断了，快要死了。
And that's all she wanted.
这就是她想要的。
She didn't want just a parrot.
她不想要一只鹦鹉。
The only thing she wants in a parrot is that this parrot will speak with her.
她唯一想要的鹦鹉就是这只鹦鹉会和她说话。
But they hatch a plan, they're going to barter this parrot.
但他们想出了一个计划，他们要用这只鹦鹉进行交换。
And so they start calling stores, pet shops, bird stores.
于是他们开始打电话给商店、宠物店、鸟类商店。
For a parrot that talks.
对于一只会说话的鹦鹉来说。
So when they call up and describe this bird to the stores, they all say, yeah right.
因此，当他们打电话向商店描述这只鸟时，他们都说，是的，没错。
Oh, they understand the bird that it is.
哦，他们了解那只鸟。
There is no possible way that you could have this bird.
你不可能拥有这只鸟。
Now they get this reaction several times.
现在他们已经多次出现这种反应了。
But, finally, they put in a call to a shop called 33rd & Bird, which is located on 33rd Street right near the Empire State Building in Manhattan And the woman who picks up the phone there--
但最终，他们给一家名为 33rd & Bird 的商店打了电话，该商店位于曼哈顿帝国大厦附近的第 33 街，接电话的女士——
Her name is Barbara.
她的名字叫芭芭拉。
Eric Holm Is that true?
埃里克·霍尔姆 这是真的吗？
This is the one woman whose name we don't know, and she becomes central to this story.
这是一位我们不知道名字的女人，她成为这个故事的中心人物。
But we do know, she has sort of a volunteer night job at Beauty and the Beast, in addition to her pet store job.
但我们确实知道，除了宠物店的工作外，她还在《美女与野兽》中从事夜间志愿者工作。
Beauty and the Beast, the Broadway show?
百老汇演出《美女与野兽》？
The Broadway show, yeah.
百老汇演出，是的。
She's some kind of a stage grip.
她是某种舞台掌控者。
Where she works with-- Alex Lane --a fellow animal lover.
她与亚历克斯·莱恩（Alex Lane）一起工作，他也是一位动物爱好者。
Who works at-- Alex Lane --the Central Park Zoo.
他在亚历克斯·莱恩中央公园动物园工作。
So this woman, Barbara, who works at 33rd & Bird, because of this other friendship, knew all about the theft of the thick-billed parrot.
因此，这位在 33rd & Bird 工作的女士芭芭拉 (Barbara)，因为这段友谊，对厚嘴鹦鹉被盗一事了如指掌。
What are the odds?
几率有多大？
Alex Lane What are the odds?
亚历克斯·莱恩 几率有多大？
And the thing is, that she doesn't know, really, who she's talking to.
问题是，她真的不知道自己在和谁说话。
Because, apparently, bird smuggling is a big, big deal.
因为，显然，鸟类走私是一件大事。
And there are people who will smuggle birds into this country, smuggle birds out of this country.
有人将鸟类走私进入这个国家，也有人将鸟类走私出这个国家。
There are people who are willing to buy birds on the black market.
有人愿意在黑市上购买鸟类。
And she's aware of this, working in a pet store.
在宠物店工作的她也意识到了这一点。
Right, and, apparently, people who do it are ruthless criminals who will, she suspects, shoot you as soon as look at you.
是的，显然，这样做的人都是无情的罪犯，她怀疑，他们一看到你就会开枪射杀你。
And so this is who she thinks is on the other end of the phone.
所以她认为这就是电话另一端的人。
Can I just say, and maybe the whole bird smuggling thing is totally legit, but, OK, you're a professional criminal, or you're somebody who wants to to into the criminal game, and you have a choice.
我可以说，也许整个鸟类走私事件是完全合法的，但是，好吧，你是一名职业罪犯，或者你是一个想要参与犯罪游戏的人，你有一个选择。
You could smuggle a tiny amount of cocaine across the border into the United States and make a lot of money, or you can carry a talking bird.
你可以通过边境走私少量可卡因进入美国并赚很多钱，或者你可以携带一只会说话的鸟。
It might not be as big a problem as we think.
这可能不是我们想象的那么大的问题。
Right, OK.
对，好的。
Eric Holm It is a legitimate, underground--
埃里克·霍尔姆 这是一个合法的、地下的——
Fear-- on her.
恐惧——对她来说。
And she's afraid.
她很害怕。
And she thinks she's dealing with serious, hardened criminals.
她认为自己面对的是严重、顽固的罪犯。
So she calls the police, leaves a message about the stolen bird, very valuable bird smugglers, the whole thing.
于是她报了警，留下了有关被盗鸟类、非常有价值的鸟类走私者以及整个事情的信息。
But this is New York City, nobody calls her back-- days pass.
但这是纽约市，没有人给她回电话——日子一天天过去了。
Meanwhile, Dawn keeps calling her-- remember, Barbara thinks that Dawn is a contraband bird smuggler up to no good-- Dawn keeps calling to ask just one thing--
与此同时，道恩一直打电话给她——记住，芭芭拉认为道恩是一个不怀好意的走私鸟类走私犯——道恩一直打电话只是问一件事——
The police won't call her back.
警察不会给她回电话。
She's going to rescue that poor bird herself.
她要亲自拯救那只可怜的鸟。
Alex and Eric say that she calls the cops one last time.
亚历克斯和埃里克说她最后一次报警了。
There's a message saying that she's going in, here's the address.
有消息说她要进去，这是地址。
If you never hear from me again, look for me here.
如果你再也没有收到我的消息，请在这里找我。
Look for me at this apartment building on 10th Avenue.
到第十大道的这栋公寓楼来找我。
And she hangs up the phone.
她挂断了电话。
She picks up an empty cage, picks up a bird that talks.
她捡起一个空笼子，捡起一只会说话的鸟。
Gets in a cab.
上了出租车。
Eric Holm She strides right to the elevator of this building where Ed and Dawn live in their smoky apartment with their wheezy bird.
埃里克·霍姆（Eric Holm） 她径直走向这栋大楼的电梯，艾德和道恩住在他们烟雾缭绕的公寓里，还有他们那只喘息着的小鸟。
And, meanwhile, the precinct has finally checked their voicemail.
与此同时，辖区终于检查了他们的语音信箱。
As she's riding up-- Eric Holm They are about a minute in front of her.
当她骑马向上时——埃里克·霍姆（Eric Holm） 他们在她前面大约一分钟。
They've got their SWAT gear on.
他们已经穿上了特警装备。
They've got bulletproof vests--
他们有防弹背心——
Shotguns.
霰弹枪。
Eric Holm Riot helmets.
埃里克·霍尔姆防暴头盔。
They to think that they're going to bust up an international bird smuggling ring.
他们认为他们要捣毁一个国际鸟类走私团伙。
And so when she gets off the elevator, all she sees is this massive SWAT team with one of those battering rams yelling, police, open up.
因此，当她走出电梯时，她看到的只是这支庞大的特警队伍，其中一只攻城锤大喊着，警察，开枪。
And they bang down the door.
他们砰地一声关上门。
And they take Ed by the scruff of the neck--
他们抓住艾德的颈背——
They start screaming, where's the bird, where's the bird-- the cops do.
他们开始尖叫，鸟在哪里，鸟在哪里——警察在尖叫。
They mace them.
他们用狼牙棒对付它们。
Eric Holm They-- OK, that's not true.
Eric Holm 他们——好吧，那不是真的。
In some tellings of the story, I have Dawn being yanked out of her chair and thrown to the ground, at the critical moment, when Barbara from 33rd & Bird walks in.
在故事的一些讲述中，我看到道恩在关键时刻被从椅子上拉起来并扔到地上，当时来自 33rd & Bird 的芭芭拉走进来。
Carrying a birdcage.
提着鸟笼。
And we do know that the following exchange took place.
我们确实知道发生了以下交换。
Dawn looks up, and she sees Barbara from 33rd & Bird, and she said, "did you bring me a bird that talks?"
黎明抬起头，看到了来自 33rd & Bird 的芭芭拉，她说：“你给我带来了一只会说话的鸟吗？”
Is there any reason to believe that the part about the SWAT team in the story is true?
有什么理由相信故事中有关特警队的部分是真实的吗？
No, not at all.
不，一点也不。
Ira Glass There is no SWAT team?
Ira Glass 没有特警队吗？
It was probably, what, six detectives or something?
可能是，什么，六名侦探什么的？
That's actually-- when we went back and consulted our notes, we realized that the SWAT team part of it, that we'd been telling with more and more vigor--
这实际上是——当我们回去查阅我们的笔记时，我们意识到特警队是其中的一部分，我们一直在越来越有活力地讲述——
But in fact, it was in fact?
但事实上，确实是这样吗？
Alex Lane Building security.
亚历克斯巷大厦保安。
With several police officers.
带着几名警察。
Several police officers.
几名警察。
Six detectives flashing their badges, I think, is what we said at the time.
我想，我们当时就是这么说的，六名侦探亮起了警徽。
Ed and Dawn are let off.
艾德和道恩被释放了。
But Johnny gets, not only charged, but perp-walked.
但约翰尼不仅被指控，还被带走。
So the cops call the media and say--
所以警察给媒体打电话说——
A routine happening in New York City, where the cops will alert the media to the fact that the guy they just arrested is going to be walking between the cop car and the police precinct.
这是纽约市的例行公事，警察会提醒媒体，他们刚刚逮捕的人将在警车和警察分局之间行走。
His head is spinning at this point.
此时他的头在旋转。
Yeah, and he's dragged out of the car.
是的，他被从车里拖了出来。
There's like a phalanx of reporters.
现场就像是一群记者。
There's flashbulbs going off.
闪光灯熄灭了。
There's cameras in this face.
这张脸上有摄像头。
Microphones being shoved right under his chin there.
麦克风被塞到他的下巴下面。
And keep in mind, he is an aspiring actor.
请记住，他是一位有抱负的演员。
He's got the whole city right there.
整个城市都在他手里。
The whole city is basically watching.
基本上全城都在围观。
Somebody yells, "Why did you do it, Johnny?"
有人喊道：“约翰尼，你为什么这么做？”
And Johnny, for absolutely no reason, yells back.
约翰尼无缘无故地吼了回去。
He yells--
他大喊——
"I was going to make stew out of that bird." Which is not even remotely true, and it was the wrong thing to say if you're trying to engender sympathy somehow.
“我打算用那只鸟炖菜。”这根本不是事实，如果你试图以某种方式引起同情，那么说的话就是错误的。
Johnny went to jail.
约翰尼进了监狱。
And Ed and Dawn were left mystified by this whole thing.
艾德和道恩对这整件事感到困惑。
But the parrot went back to the zoo and died within about three or four days, I think.
但我想这只鹦鹉回到动物园后大约三四天内就死了。
It had been in bad shape, and they couldn't save it.
它的状况很糟糕，他们无法挽救它。
So that was Eric and Alex's famous bird story.
这就是埃里克和亚历克斯著名的鸟类故事。
And after we talked they did something they'd been wanting to do for a long time.
在我们交谈之后，他们做了他们长期以来一直想做的事情。
Now that they're experienced newspaper reporters, they went out and tried to contact all the people in the story to figure out, once and for all, what parts of the story are true, and what parts are just embellishments that they have been added over the years.
现在，他们已经是经验丰富的报社记者，他们出去尝试联系故事中的所有人物，一劳永逸地弄清楚故事中哪些部分是真实的，哪些部分只是他们多年来添加的修饰。
Here's what they discovered.
这是他们的发现。
The lady from the bird store, who turns out to be named Michelle not Barbara, she was completely unfindable.
鸟店的那位女士原来名叫米歇尔而不是芭芭拉，完全找不到她。
Dawn, the woman in the wheelchair, she died in 2002.
黎明，这位坐在轮椅上的女人，于 2002 年去世。
The guy who she lived with, Ed, he was happy to talk.
和她住在一起的那个人艾德很乐意交谈。
But he did not remember much of the story.
但他不太记得这个故事了。
With some prodding, as best as he could, he confirmed a lot of the details of Eric and Alex's story.
在尽其所能的敦促下，他证实了埃里克和亚历克斯故事的许多细节。
For example, the reason that he got the bird from Johnny, the smoking, the police raid-- which, by the way, he remembered as six policemen.
例如，他从约翰尼那里得到那只鸟的原因、吸烟、警察突袭——顺便说一句，他记得有六名警察。
He also talked very sweetly about how much he loved Dawn and missed her.
他还非常甜蜜地谈到他是多么爱黎明并想念她。
And I just left one person to contact, Johnny.
我只留下了一个人可以联系，约翰尼。
It was the Virgin Cola-- the release for Virgin Cola after party.
这是维珍可乐——派对后维珍可乐的发布。
And I was with a couple of buds, drinking and smoking weed.
我和几个花蕾一起喝酒、吸大麻。
John Davilla, as he likes to be called these days, is now out of prison.
约翰·达维拉（现在人们喜欢这样称呼他）现已出狱。
For bird theft, he was actually only put on parole, but then he violated his parole by failing a urine test, and got sent to prison for 11 months.
因为偷鸟，他实际上只被假释，但后来他因尿检不合格而违反假释，被判入狱11个月。
Now he is trying to get acting work out in Los Angeles.
现在他正试图在洛杉矶进行演艺工作。
And when he talked to Eric and Alex he contradicted or threw into question nearly every fact they thought they had from years ago.
当他与埃里克和亚历克斯交谈时，他反驳或质疑了他们多年前认为的几乎所有事实。
John says that he did not take the bird home on the subway.
约翰说他没有在地铁上把这只鸟带回家。
He did not live in Bay Ridge.
他不住在湾岭。
He did not barter the bird for a resume with Ed.
他并没有用这只鸟与艾德交换简历。
He gave it as a gift, though Ed says otherwise.
他把它作为礼物送给了他，尽管艾德另有说法。
He did not cut the bird's wings with scissors, he says.
他说，他没有用剪刀剪掉鸟的翅膀。
He did not sneak into the zoo alone.
他并不是独自一人潜入动物园的。
And, finally, it was not him who stole the parrot.
最后，偷走鹦鹉的不是他。
There was this cute little bird, and my homeboy snagged it, and put it in his jacket and walked out with it.
有一只可爱的小鸟，我的男朋友抓住了它，把它放进夹克里，然后就带着它走了出去。
And we all just like looked at each other and was like, let's go.
我们都互相看着对方，然后说，我们走吧。
You and your buddies, it's not you alone?
你和你的小伙伴们，不是你们一个人吗？
No, there was five of us.
不，我们有五个人。
Eric Holm Do you remember what you told us at the time?
埃里克·霍姆（Eric Holm）你还记得你当时告诉我们的话吗？
No, I don't remember.
不，我不记得了。
Eric Holm OK, so I'm going to read you some of this story, OK John?
埃里克·霍姆（Eric Holm）：好的，我给你读一下这个故事的一些内容，好吗，约翰？
It was eerily quiet, save for some splashing from the sea lion pool.
除了海狮池里溅起的水花之外，周围出奇的安静。
Quote, "It was like there was this [BLEEP] mist," Davilla said, speaking slowly and dramatically.
引用：“就像有[BLEEP]薄雾一样，”达维拉缓慢而戏剧性地说道。
"And the bird was there." You took the bird out of its cage, you said.
“那只鸟就在那里。”你说，你把鸟从笼子里拿出来了。
The bird looked at you.
那只鸟看着你。
Quote, "I said wow, what are you looking at man?
引用：“我说哇，伙计，你在看什么？
Come on man, let's go.
来吧伙计，我们走吧。
And we went."
我们就去了。”
Yeah, that was a dream I had the day after the party.
是的，那是我在聚会后第二天做的一个梦。
And I remember that dream.
我记得那个梦。
And I remember thinking that I gotta stop smoking pot, man.
我记得我当时想我必须停止吸大麻，伙计。
What did you expect?
你期待什么？
Eric Holm I don't know.
埃里克·霍尔姆 我不知道。
What did you expect?
你期待什么？
Eric Holm I thought there was a point.
埃里克·霍尔姆（Eric Holm）我认为这是有道理的。
I feel cheated, man.
我感觉自己被骗了，伙计。
Alex Lane Well did you think he really had the conversation with the Bird?
亚历克斯·莱恩（Alex Lane） 那么，你认为他真的与鸟进行过对话吗？
I think I did, actually, to be honest with you.
老实说，我想我确实做到了。
No, come on Johnny, you're just telling us what we want to hear.
不，来吧约翰尼，你只是告诉我们我们想听的话。
You're making stuff up.
你在胡编乱造。
John Bryant Davilla No, it's a true story, man.
约翰·布莱恩特·达维拉 不，这是一个真实的故事，伙计。
And when they ask you, you say it's a true story.
当他们问你时，你说这是一个真实的故事。
So the version of the story that they have always told, that they have wondered if it's true, that's the version of the story they're going to have live with.
所以他们一直讲的故事版本，他们想知道这是否是真的，这就是他们将要忍受的故事版本。
Because nobody, nobody in this world besides them has cared enough about this story to remember it.
因为除了他们之外，这个世界上没有人足够关心这个故事并记住它。
The facts will stay forever unconfirmable.
事实将永远无法证实。
And when I ask Eric and Alex why this story has stuck with them, and why they've been retelling this story for years, long after they went on to become real reporters for real newspapers, this story is still their favorite story?
当我问埃里克和亚历克斯为什么这个故事一直困扰着他们，为什么他们多年来一直在重述这个故事，在他们成为真正报纸的真正记者很久之后，这个故事仍然是他们最喜欢的故事？
They truthfully do not have much of an answer.
说实话，他们没有太多答案。
Mostly they say, they just liked everybody who they interviewed for this story.
他们大多说，他们只是喜欢为这个故事采访的每个人。
Everybody told them such amazing things.
每个人都告诉他们如此奇妙的事情。
And yes, this is a story about a crime.
是的，这是一个关于犯罪的故事。
And yes, the parrot dies.
是的，鹦鹉死了。
But nobody is really out to hurt anybody in this story or do any harm, including Johnny.
但在这个故事中，没有人真正想要伤害任何人或造成任何伤害，包括约翰尼。
There is a sort of innocence.
有一种纯真。
He wasn't out to make money off the thing.
他并不是想靠这件事赚钱。
He didn't want to kill it.
他不想杀掉它。
He loved it.
他喜欢它。
I think the parrot made everybody in this story take leave of their senses including the two of you.
我认为这只鹦鹉让这个故事中的每个人都失去了理智，包括你们两个。
I think that that has never crossed my mind before today, but I think you might be absolutely right on that.
我认为今天之前我从未想到过这一点，但我认为你在这一点上可能是绝对正确的。
Like look at this.
就像看看这个。
Everybody's going out of their way for the parrot.
每个人都竭尽全力去寻找鹦鹉。
He takes the parrot for no good reason.
他无缘无故地带走了这只鹦鹉。
The next two people take the parrot really for reasons that make no sense at all.
接下来的两个人真的因为毫无意义的原因而带走了鹦鹉。
They take a parrot to distract a woman from talking to her husband, or boyfriend, whatever.
他们用一只鹦鹉来分散女人与丈夫或男朋友交谈的注意力。
And then the two of you, for no reason at all, you're never going to make money, you're never going to write a story.
然后你们两个，毫无理由地，永远不会赚钱，永远不会写故事。
Just keep reporting this story for months for no one.
只要持续报道这个故事几个月，谁也不知道。
It makes no sense, our behavior.
我们的行为毫无意义。
And we wouldn't have done it if it had been a kitten.
如果是一只小猫我们就不会这样做。
I don't know man, a kitten?
我不知道老兄，小猫？
Eric Holm When we tell the story over and over, by the way, a lot of people, they think there's a punch line at the end.
埃里克·霍尔姆（Eric Holm）：顺便说一句，当我们一遍又一遍地讲述这个故事时，很多人都认为最后有一个妙语。
Well, not necessarily.
嗯，不一定。
Ira Glass Maybe you need a punchline.
艾拉·格拉斯 也许你需要一个妙语。
You need a punchline.
你需要一个妙语。
We actually got some suggestions last night.
昨晚我们实际上收到了一些建议。
From the movie star, he sort of suggested a punchline.
这位电影明星提出了一个妙语。
Who was the movie star?
电影明星是谁？
Eric Holm Topher Grace, the guy from That '70s Show.
埃里克·霍姆·托弗·格雷斯 (Eric Holm Topher Grace)，《七十年代秀》中的人物。
Wait, and Topher Grace had the suggestion for the ending?
等等，托弗·格雷斯对结局有什么建议吗？
The scene is the apartment, the police barge in--
现场是公寓，警察闯入——
Dawn is on the floor with a jackboot on her neck.
多恩躺在地板上，脖子上套着长统靴。
And the cops haul everyone away--
然后警察把所有人都带走了——
He's the one charged with taking the bird, taking possession of the bird.
他是负责夺走这只鸟、占有这只鸟的人。
So he opens the cage.
于是他打开了笼子。
And he looks at the parrot, and he says, "You want to go?
他看着鹦鹉，说道：“你想去吗？
" And the parrot says, "Yeah." And he says, "Let's go."
” 鹦鹉说：“是的。”他说：“我们走吧。”
And, scene.
还有，场景。
Ira Glass Alex Lane is a staff writer for the Star Ledger in Newark.
艾拉·格拉斯·亚历克斯·莱恩 (Ira Glass Alex Lane) 是纽瓦克《Star Ledger》的特约撰稿人。
Eric Holm just started at Bloomberg News.
埃里克·霍尔姆刚刚开始在彭博新闻社工作。
In those jobs, they both do factual reporting.
在这些工作中，他们都进行事实报道。
Coming up, so two pigs, a parrot, a Jew, a Canadian, and David Sedaris walk into the second half of the show.
接下来，两只猪、一只鹦鹉、一个犹太人、一个加拿大人和大卫·塞达里斯走进了节目的后半部分。
And the first pig says to the second pig, is it me or do these coming-up-next announcements just keep getting longer?
第一只猪对第二只猪说，是我还是这些即将发布的公告越来越长？
More in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续时，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将提供更多信息。
Well, it's This American Life.
嗯，这就是《美国生活》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose some theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一些主题，为您带来关于该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's show, the parrot and the pot-bellied pig.
今天的节目是鹦鹉和大腹猪。
Stories where these two humble animals are just trying to lead their animal lives and simply by being alive they create all kinds of havoc around them, without ever intending to.
在故事中，这两种卑微的动物只是试图过他们的动物生活，仅仅因为活着，他们就在无意中给周围造成了各种破坏。
We've arrived at Act Two of our show, Act Two, Pig.
我们已经到了节目的第二幕，第二幕，猪。
Well, one of our regular contributors here on This American Life, Jonathan Goldstein has been hosting a new radio show on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation called Wiretap.
乔纳森·戈德斯坦 (Jonathan Goldstein) 是《美国生活》的定期撰稿人之一，他正在加拿大广播公司主持一档名为“Wiretap”的新广播节目。
And he has this story of people and animals.
他有这个关于人和动物的故事。
The other day, my friend Tony called me up and told me he had the funniest story for the radio.
有一天，我的朋友托尼打电话给我，告诉我他有一个广播里最有趣的故事。
All he'd say was that involved him, his ex-girlfriend, and a road trip they made with a pot-bellied pig.
他只说这涉及他、他的前女友，以及他们和一头大腹猪的公路旅行。
Before Tony would tell me anything further, he said he wanted me to be running a tape recorder.
在托尼进一步告诉我任何事情之前，他说他希望我能够操作一台录音机。
This way, he said, when it played on the radio there'd be my surprised laughter egging him on.
这样，他说，当广播里播放这首歌时，我惊讶的笑声就会激励他。
But here's the thing.
但事情是这样的。
I hardly ever laugh.
我几乎从来不笑。
If there's one thing I could change about myself, it would be that.
如果我可以改变自己的一件事，那就是。
Working in radio, I wish I had the kind of free and easy laugh that felt like an arm around the shoulder.
在广播电台工作时，我希望自己能有一种自由自在的笑声，就像有人搂着我的肩膀一样。
A laugh that said, speak on you darling clown, I am so with you.
笑声说，说吧，亲爱的小丑，我非常同意你。
Instead, I produce silences that, rather than encourage, make a storyteller feel like they're being scrutinized.
相反，我制造的沉默非但没有鼓励，反而让讲故事的人感觉自己正在受到审视。
Or worse, like I just put the phone down to go out and put more change in the parking meter.
或者更糟糕的是，就像我只是放下电话出去，然后在停车计时器上投入更多零钱。
So Tony started telling me the story, and, as usual, I wasn't laughing.
于是托尼开始给我讲这个故事，而像往常一样，我没有笑。
But I started to realize that this time was different.
但我开始意识到这次不一样。
For once, I wasn't laughing because the story wasn't funny.
这一次，我没有笑，因为这个故事不好笑。
But any way, I'm getting ahead of myself.
但无论如何，我都超前了。
I'll let Tony tell the story.
我会让托尼讲这个故事。
I guess it kind of marked, pretty much, the end of my relationship with Susan, my last girlfriend.
我想这几乎标志着我和我最后一个女朋友苏珊关系的结束。
We'd been going out for about four years, and the relationship was on its last legs and had been for, pretty much, about a year.
我们交往了大约四年，我们的关系已经到了最后的阶段，并且持续了大约一年。
Susan is an animal enthusiast, lover.
苏珊是一位动物爱好者、爱好者。
She is always trying to save something.
她总是试图挽救一些东西。
She's always online looking for rescue animals that she obviously, she can't possibly rescue any of them, actually.
她总是在网上寻找救援动物，但显然她实际上不可能救援任何动物。
Or maybe one or two, but she's obsessed with it.
也许一两个，但她对此很着迷。
And there was a couple that we knew that about a year ago or a year and a half ago, they got a pot-bellied pig, a baby pot-bellied pig.
我们知道有一对夫妇，大约一年前或一年半前，他们养了一只大腹猪，一只小大腹猪。
Are they farmers?
他们是农民吗？
Tony Asimakopoulos No. They're just like regular city folk.
托尼·阿西马科普洛斯 不。他们就像普通的城里人一样。
One of them had a head shop-- just like scenesters.
其中一个有一个总店——就像场景师一样。
And I guess, like my first reaction was that's kind of, I don't know, that's kind of stupid.
我想，就像我的第一反应是，我不知道，这有点愚蠢。
You don't bring a pig home to the city, to a house.
你不会把猪带回城里、带回房子里。
It just seemed like kind of a scenester thing to do like, hey, the guy got a pig.
这似乎是一件很有趣的事情，就像，嘿，这家伙有一头猪。
But, so they got a pig.
但是，他们得到了一头猪。
And it was really cute.
它真的很可爱。
And they showed me pictures and convinced me that it was pretty smart and fun.
他们给我看了照片，让我相信这是非常聪明和有趣的。
And it was OK running around the house and in their yard, and stuff like that.
在房子里、院子里跑来跑去之类的也没关系。
What was the pig's name?
那只猪叫什么名字？
Tony Asimakopoulos Pig's name was Warren.
托尼·阿西马科普洛斯·皮格的名字叫沃伦。
Nothing was heard from the pig or the couple for a while.
有一段时间没有猪或这对夫妇的任何消息。
And then there were some rumblings.
然后有一些传言。
I started talking to them.
我开始和他们说话。
And well, it's not going so well.
好吧，事情进展得不太顺利。
You know he's ruining the place, and he's out of control and all this stuff.
你知道他正在毁掉这个地方，而且他已经失控了，诸如此类。
And before long, Susan was on the case to make sure that he found a good home and happy life.
不久，苏珊就接手了这个案子，以确保他找到一个好的家和幸福的生活。
She called around and found a place, an animal sanctuary, outside of Montreal.
她到处打电话，在蒙特利尔郊外找到了一个地方，一个动物保护区。
And they were like, yes, of course bring the pig.
他们说，是的，当然带猪来。
And so Susan made arrangements to bring the pig there.
于是苏珊安排把猪带到那里。
I know what's about to happen, and I don't want to have anything to do with it.
我知道将会发生什么，我不想与它有任何关系。
And, of course, I'm approached to do the job, to drive this pig to Montreal.
当然，有人找我来做这项工作，把这头猪赶到蒙特利尔。
In your car.
在你的车里。
Tony Asimakopoulos In my car.
托尼·阿西马科普洛斯 在我的车里。
And I know, I know at this point in my heart, in my gut, that I'm going to be doing this, because you can't get in Susan's way when she's trying to save an animal.
我知道，此刻我内心深处知道我会这么做，因为当苏珊试图拯救动物时，你不能妨碍她。
She's unstoppable.
她势不可挡。
And in my mind, it was very clear.
在我心里，这是非常清楚的。
Drive with pig to Montreal or deal with the repercussions of not doing that for about a week.
开车带着猪去蒙特利尔，或者处理一周左右不这样做的后果。
Give me a sense of how big this pig is, like, how much does it weigh?
让我感觉一下这头猪有多大，有多重？
250 pounds?
250磅？
It's a pot-bellied pig.
这是一头大肚猪。
It's not like a big-ass, sort of, regular pork pig.
它不像一头大屁股的普通猪。
He was just kind of like a children's book pig.
他有点像儿童读物里的猪。
And hairy-- pot-bellied pigs they have fur.
还有毛茸茸的——大腹便便的猪，它们有毛。
Are they pink?
它们是粉红色的吗？
Tony Asimakopoulos No, they're kind of brown.
托尼·阿西马科普洛斯 不，它们是棕色的。
So OK, let's put the pig in the cage and let's go do it.
那么好吧，让我们把猪关进笼子里吧，我们开始吧。
And within a couple of minutes realized the cage is not going to fit in my car.
几分钟之内我就意识到这个笼子不适合我的车。
There's no way.
没办法啊
So like OK, well, we'll just put the pig in.
所以，好吧，我们就把猪放进去。
We'll cover the back seat with garbage bags and whatever, and it'll be fine.
我们会用垃圾袋之类的东西盖住后座，那就没问题了。
And at that point, I'm just not thinking.
那时，我只是没有思考。
I want to just get this over with.
我想把这件事结束。
Let's just get the pig in the car.
让我们把猪带上车吧。
Let's drive.
我们开车吧。
Let's go.
我们走吧。
But we did.
但我们做到了。
We covered the back seat and we started to drive.
我们盖上后座，开始开车。
The first 20 minutes we're kind of all right.
前20分钟我们还不错。
The pig was hanging out in the back.
那头猪在后面闲逛。
Susan was feeding him and petting him.
苏珊正在喂他、抚摸他。
And everything was fine.
一切都很好。
Then about-- probably about 45 minutes into it, the pig started to get more and more agitated.
然后大约——大概 45 分钟后，猪开始变得越来越焦躁。
We ran out of food.
我们没有食物了。
We had to stop and get some more food.
我们不得不停下来买些食物。
We got like a big bag of bird seed and just a couple of other varieties of dog biscuits and whatever.
我们得到了一大袋鸟种子和其他几种狗饼干之类的东西。
We stopped at places.
我们在一些地方停下来。
They didn't have pig food per se, because people don't usually keep pigs.
他们本身没有猪食，因为人们通常不养猪。
We're driving, and I'm starting to realize that, we're both starting to realize that Warren, the pig, is getting more and more agitated.
我们正在开车，我开始意识到，我们都开始意识到沃伦，那只猪，变得越来越焦躁。
Like he's not happy.
好像他不高兴一样。
He is getting really restless.
他真的变得焦躁不安了。
He's becoming less and less interested in the food.
他对食物越来越不感兴趣了。
He is getting more and more persistent about getting up to the front seat.
他越来越坚持要坐到前排座位上。
At this point, I can sense the pig's head popping over my right shoulder, sort of snapping.
此时，我能感觉到猪头突然从我的右肩上弹出，有点折断的感觉。
And trying to get over to my left shoulder with the window, and then back over my right shoulder and snapping.
并试图通过窗户爬到我的左肩，然后再回到我的右肩并折断。
And soon had a full body hold on it, trying to keep it away from me.
很快就用全身抓住了它，试图让它远离我。
And this sort of thing really started to turn into something else.
这种事情真的开始变成别的事情了。
I mean, you're in a situation like that with somebody, I suppose the kind of mature, adult, useful thing to do would be to accept the you're in a situation.
我的意思是，当你和某人处于这样的情况时，我想成熟、成熟、有用的做法就是接受你所处的情况。
But I was not happy.
但我并不高兴。
I let it be known.
我让大家知道了。
And most importantly, and most significantly for Susan, I was not laughing.
最重要的是，对苏珊来说最重要的是，我没有笑。
Because after a certain point, she started to find it funny, like most people do.
因为在某一点之后，她开始觉得这很有趣，就像大多数人一样。
Most people start to find story funny around this point, even sooner.
大多数人在这一点上开始觉得故事很有趣，甚至更早。
I didn't find it funny at all.
我一点也不觉得好笑。
The more she laughed, the more funny she found it, the more upset and angry I got.
她越笑越觉得好笑，我就越心烦意乱、越生气。
So she had the pig to deal with, and then, I guess, she had me to deal with.
所以她要对付那头猪，然后，我猜，她还要对付我。
Finally, I came up with the idea that what we needed was a barricade to put between us and the pig, to keep it the pig in the backseat, to keep us from getting hurt.
最后，我想出了一个主意，我们需要在我们和猪之间设置一个路障，让猪坐在后座，防止我们受伤。
Whatever happened to the back of the car happened at this point because we're in survival mode.
无论汽车后部发生了什么，都发生在此时，因为我们处于生存模式。
We're driving around behind strip malls looking for a big piece of cardboard.
我们开车在购物中心后面寻找一块大纸板。
Finally, we found what looked like something that a refrigerator been in.
最后，我们发现了一个看起来像冰箱的东西。
And I grabbed it.
我抓住了它。
It was soaked in garbage, and it was raining that day.
被垃圾浸湿了，那天还下着雨。
And I opened the car door.
然后我打开了车门。
Susan is holding the pig back with all her strength.
苏珊用尽全身的力气把小猪挡住了。
And I jammed this big piece of cardboard, slid it in like when magicians-- when they cut people in half, just slid it into the car, with all my strength, as far as it could go.
我把这块大纸板塞进去，就像魔术师把人切成两半一样，把它塞进车里，用尽我的全部力量，尽可能地塞进去。
And I closed the door.
我关上了门。
And it worked.
它奏效了。
And the funny thing is, he didn't even fight.
有趣的是，他甚至没有打架。
As soon as the barricade went up, he just gave up.
路障一升起，他就放弃了。
We drove the rest of the way to the farm and cut him loose.
我们开车走了剩下的路到农场并把他放了出来。
And he joined his brothers and sisters, his new brothers and sisters, which were these gigantic, fat pot-bellied pigs.
他加入了他的兄弟姐妹，他的新兄弟姐妹，就是这些又大又肥的大肚猪。
Which, I guess, in a short time he'd be like them.
我想，在很短的时间内他就会像他们一样。
And was that, I mean was that like a beautiful moment?
我的意思是那是一个美丽的时刻吗？
I wouldn't say it was beautiful.
我不会说它很漂亮。
I felt relieved that the pig was out of my car.
猪从我的车里出来了，我松了口气。
And we broke up within a month of this incident.
这件事发生后不到一个月我们就分手了。
Do you think that this was the straw that broke the camel's back for Susan?
你认为这是压垮苏珊的最后一根稻草吗？
She actually said as much.
她其实也是这么说的。
She just said, I can't be with somebody who can't find the humor in the moment in something like that, no matter how dangerous it is, no matter how stupid or crazy, or wrong it is.
她只是说，我不能和一个在这样的事情上找不到幽默感的人在一起，不管它有多么危险，无论它有多么愚蠢、疯狂或错误。
That's not how I want to live my life.
这不是我想要的生活方式。
And when he told you that, did you feel like, I could change?
当他告诉你这些时，你觉得我可以改变吗？
I wanted to change, but I could not possibly enjoy life as much as she does.
我想改变，但我不可能像她那样享受生活。
I think she had a point.
我认为她说得有道理。
And I think she was right about me getting too upset over that and not seeing the humor in it.
我认为她说我对此感到太沮丧并且没有看到其中的幽默是正确的。
The thing about me and Susan-- Susan loves it when things go wrong, because that's when the real fun begins.
关于我和苏珊的事情——苏珊喜欢事情出错，因为那才是真正的乐趣开始的时候。
That's when the real wackiness and zaniness, and the hilarity ensues.
那才是真正的古怪和滑稽以及欢闹随之而来的时候。
And she just thrives on that.
她就是靠这个茁壮成长的。
She just loves it.
她只是喜欢它。
I don't.
我不知道。
I don't.
我不知道。
I like it when things go right.
我喜欢一切顺利的时候。
I like things to be relatively under control.
我喜欢事情相对可控。
And the thing I resented about Susan was that she was constantly trying to pull me into her sort of way of having fun.
我对苏珊感到不满的是，她总是试图把我拉进她那种娱乐方式中。
In a sense, Susan was trying to help me have some fun.
从某种意义上说，苏珊是想帮助我找点乐子。
There's no question in my mind that the way that I react to situations that I'm unhappy with, unhappy to be in, disapprove of, is really, really similar to the way my father used to react to me all the time.
毫无疑问，在我看来，我对那些我不满意、不高兴、不赞成的情况的反应方式，真的非常类似于我父亲过去一直对我的反应方式。
Like, how do you mean?
比如说，你是什么意思？
Tony Asimakopoulos Well, kind of stern, disapproving, punitive, making you feel stupid, making you feel like you're doing stuff wrong.
托尼·阿西马科普洛斯（Tony Asimakopoulos）：嗯，有点严厉、不赞成、惩罚性的，让你觉得自己很愚蠢，让你觉得自己做错了事情。
I think the defining moment between me and my father was Halloween.
我认为我和父亲之间的决定性时刻是万圣节。
I think I was nine.
我想我九岁了。
And I went to my friend Sunny's house, he lived down the street, and he had a makeup kit.
我去了我朋友桑尼的家，他住在街上，他有一个化妆包。
And he made me up.
他还编造了我。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I guess it was some combo of drag and weird clown thing, and zombie.
我猜这是变装、奇怪的小丑和僵尸的结合。
I don't know.
我不知道。
We just made it up.
我们刚刚弥补了。
He made me all up, and I put on a dress.
他给我梳妆打扮，然后我穿上了裙子。
And I ran out into the street and started knocking on everybody's door and just like, I don't know, just yelling and screaming and being an idiot.
我跑到街上，开始敲每个人的门，就像，我不知道，只是大喊大叫，就像个白痴。
Just like I'm going to cross from blah, blah, blah running down the street, and, before I knew it, I was at my door.
就像我要穿过街道一样，巴拉巴拉，巴拉巴拉，在我意识到之前，我已经到了家门口。
And knocked on the door, and I was so out of control at that point.
然后敲了敲门，那一刻我完全失控了。
I didn't give a [BLEEP].
我没有发出[BLEEP]声。
I didn't care about anything.
我什么都不关心。
I didn't care that I was knocking on my door.
我不在乎我在敲我的门。
My father answered the door.
我父亲来开门。
And like a moment of shock.
就像一瞬间的震惊。
And he grabbed me and pulled me in and started smacking me.
他抓住我，把我拉进去，开始打我。
Because I was embarrassing him.
因为我让他难堪了。
Because I was doing something completely stupid and embarrassing and having fun.
因为我正在做一些完全愚蠢、尴尬却又很有趣的事情。
If you try to control everything and OK, this is going to work like that.
如果你尝试控制一切并且OK，事情就会这样进行。
Well you break up with people.
好吧，你和人分手了。
If a best friend is too much of a hassle, just crazy at text, and three hours on the phone every two days, blah, blah, blah.
如果一个最好的朋友太麻烦了，只是疯狂地发短信，每两天打电话三个小时，等等，等等。
After a while, you cut everything out of your life.
过了一段时间，你就把生活中的一切都剔除掉了。
And then you get lonely and bored.
然后你就会感到孤独和无聊。
And I have fewer and fewer stories to tell.
而我要讲的故事也越来越少。
And I mean, what do you do when you don't have enough stories to tell, is you go looking for trouble.
我的意思是，当你没有足够的故事可讲时，你会做什么，就是去寻找麻烦。
How so?
为何如此？
Tony Asimakopoulos Well, I'm just like wandering around at night, walking by bars, looking for people to pick fights with, just somebody that will annoy me or irritate me.
托尼·阿西马科普洛斯（Tony Asimakopoulos）：好吧，我就像在晚上闲逛，走过酒吧，寻找可以打架的人，只是找一个会惹恼我或激怒我的人。
He looks good, I'm going to hang around and see what he's saying.
他看起来不错，我要去看看他在说什么。
It's a bringing to bear my frustration onto an outside thing that deserves to have my fury unleashed upon it.
这是一种将我的挫败感转移到一个值得我对它发泄愤怒的外部事物上。
Do you miss Susan?
你想念苏珊吗？
Tony Asimakopoulos I do.
托尼·阿西马科普洛斯 我愿意。
I miss her because I was close to her, and I love her, and I think she's a wonderful person.
我想念她，因为我离她很近，我爱她，我认为她是一个很棒的人。
I love the way she dealt with people.
我喜欢她待人接物的方式。
And I loved the way she was.
我喜欢她的样子。
And I wanted to absorb some of that.
我想吸收其中的一些。
I wanted some of that to rub off on me.
我希望其中一些能影响到我。
I want some of that.
我想要一些。
And did you get it?
你明白了吗？
Tony Asimakopoulos I have some of that.
托尼·阿西马科普洛斯 我有一些。
What do you think that she saw in you that was alluring to her?
你认为她在你身上看到了什么吸引她的地方？
I don't know.
我不知道。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Maybe I was another animal for her to save.
也许我是她要拯救的另一只动物。
Jonathan Goldstein's CBC radio show Wiretap is at www.cdc.ca/Wiretap.
Jonathan Goldstein 的 CBC 广播节目 Wiretap 网址为 www.cdc.ca/Wiretap。
Thanks also to his friend Tony Asimakopoulos and to Sarah Gilbert.
还要感谢他的朋友托尼·阿西马科普洛斯和莎拉·吉尔伯特。
Act Three, Combo Platter.
第三幕，组合拼盘。
Starting out today we have had a story about a parrot, and we've had a story about a pig.
从今天开始我们有一个关于鹦鹉的故事，还有一个关于猪的故事。
And to end today's show, we have this story from David Sedaris.
为了结束今天的节目，我们请听 David Sedaris 的故事。
When asked why she'd chosen to become a journalist, the parrot was known to cock her head a half an inch to the right, and pause for a moment before repeating the question.
当被问及为什么选择成为一名记者时，这只鹦鹉会将头向右偏半英寸，停顿片刻，然后重复这个问题。
"Why did I choose to become a journalist?
“我为什么选择成为一名记者？
Well, I guess what really drives me is the money-- that and the free booze." It killed her to follow this with, "I was just joking about the money."
嗯，我想真正驱动我的是金钱——还有免费的酒。”她接着说：“我只是拿钱开玩笑。”
The paper she worked at was called The Eagle.
她工作的报纸名为《The Eagle》。
And she wrote for the Tempo section, which was later renamed Lifestyles, and was now titled, simply, Living.
她为“节奏”部分撰写文章，该部分后来更名为“生活方式”，现在的标题很简单，“生活”。
Most of her stories were little more than puff-pieces.
她的大部分故事都只不过是吹捧而已。
Interview the wealthy tortoise who'd shelled out money for the new speedway.
采访那位为新高速公路投入巨资的富有的乌龟。
Cover the benefit gala for ringworm, or heartworm or the earthworm or anti-defamation league.
报道癣、心丝虫、蚯蚓或反诽谤联盟的慈善晚会。
She wanted an opportunity to show her chops and finally got her break when a pot-bellied pig took over as director of the local art museum.
她想要一个展示自己才能的机会，当一头大腹便便的猪接任当地艺术博物馆馆长时，她终于得到了突破。
The Eagle wanted something simple, 300 words tops, but the parrot thought differently.
老鹰想要一些简单的东西，最多 300 个字，但鹦鹉的想法不同。
It scheduled a long lunch.
它安排了一顿漫长的午餐。
Her guest arrived on time, and after ordering they got down to business.
她的客人准时到达，点完餐后，他们就开始做正事了。
"So," the parrot began, "it's a long way from Ho Chi Minh City to the much coveted director's chair of a noted museum.
“所以，”鹦鹉开始说道，“从胡志明市到一家著名博物馆的令人垂涎的馆长，还有很长的路要走。
I'd like you to reminisce about the journey a little."
我想让你回忆一下这段旅程。”
"I'm sorry," the pig said.
“对不起，”猪说。
"But I've never been to Ho Chi Minh City."
“但我从未去过胡志明市。”
"But you are from that region are you not?"
“但你不是那个地区的人吗？”
The parrot ran her fat, black tongue over the ragged edge of her upper beak.
鹦鹉用肥大的黑色舌头舔过上喙参差不齐的边缘。
"I don't mean to contradict you," she said, "but I have done a little leg work, and it seems that you're officially registered with your health care provider as a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig.
“我无意反驳你，”她说，“但我做了一些跑腿工作，看来你已经在你的医疗保健提供者那里正式注册为越南大腹猪了。
So let's turn our thoughts eastward, shall we, and talk about your past."
那么，让我们把思绪转向东方吧，谈谈你的过去吧。”
"Technically, yes, I am a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig," the museum director said.
“从技术上讲，是的，我是一只越南大腹猪，”博物馆馆长说。
"But that's just a silly formality.
“但这只是一种愚蠢的形式。
The fact is that I was born in this country, as were my parents and their parents before them."
事实上，我出生在这个国家，我的父母和他们的父母也是如此。”
"I see," the parrot said.
“我明白了，”鹦鹉说。
And she scratched the words self-hating onto her notepad.
她在记事本上写下了“自我憎恨”这几个字。
"So how will your ethnicity reflect itself in regards to our museum?
“那么您的种族将如何在我们的博物馆中体现出来呢？
Can we expect to see more Oriental art, a pricey new Ming wing, perhaps some big Treasures of The Emperor extravaganza?"
我们能否期待看到更多的东方艺术，昂贵的明代新翼，或许还有一些大型的皇帝宝藏盛宴？”
"That's all I wanted to know," the parrot said.
“这就是我想知道的一切，”鹦鹉说。
And at that moment, their lunch all arrived.
就在这时，他们的午餐都到了。
It was she who had made the reservation, and, in a moment of inspiration, she decided they'd go to Old Saigon.
是她预订的，灵机一动，她决定去老西贡。
The fact that it was her idea would not be mentioned in the article.
文章中并没有提及这是她的想法。
Nor would she add that the pig had never in his life used a pair of chopsticks, and that he gripped them, one in each hoof, as if they were screwdrivers.
她也不会补充说，这头猪一生中从未使用过一双筷子，而他却紧紧地握住它们，每只蹄子都握着一根，就好像它们是螺丝刀一样。
During the meal, a few blades of lemongrass for him, a Mekong platter for her.
用餐时，给他几片柠檬草，给她一份湄公河拼盘。
They talked about this and that, but she wasn't really engaged, busy as she was dreaming up a headline.
他们聊这聊那，但她并没有真正投入，忙着构思一个标题。
Museum Takes on Asian a Slant was good, but she'd have to fight hard to get it past her editor who despised, what she called, word play.
《博物馆对亚洲的倾斜》很好，但她必须努力争取才能通过她的编辑，她鄙视她所谓的文字游戏。
When their lunch was over, the pig trotted back to the museum, and the parrot headed down to the VFW Hall, where she hoped to round out her article.
午餐结束后，猪小跑回博物馆，鹦鹉则前往 VFW 大厅，她希望在那里完成她的文章。
There she spoke to a red-shouldered hawk, who hadn't actually fought in Vietnam but might have had the war lasted just a few weeks longer.
在那里，她与一只红肩鹰交谈，这只红肩鹰实际上并没有参加过越南战争，但战争可能会多持续几周。
"I could have practically been killed over there, and now one of them is coming to my museum trying to tell me what art I should look at?"
“我差点就被杀了，现在他们中的一个来到我的博物馆，试图告诉我应该看什么艺术品？”
"I know it," the parrot said.
“我知道，”鹦鹉说。
The article was due the following morning, and she stayed up all night in order to finish it.
文章第二天早上就要交，她熬夜才把它写完。
Her editor scowled at the bulk of pages but softened after the first read through saying, " Good work, you," and, "Maybe we should send this over to the city desk."
她的编辑对大部分页面皱起了眉头，但在读完第一遍后态度软化了，说道：“干得好，你”，“也许我们应该把它送到市政府服务台。”
The eventual headline was no masterpiece, Pot-bellied Museum Director Stirs Controversy.
最终的标题并不是杰作，大腹便便的博物馆馆长引发了争议。
But the parrot was so relieved to move out of the Living section that they could have called it Mud and she wouldn't have cared.
但鹦鹉搬出生活区后松了口气，他们可以称它为“泥”，而她也不在乎。
As for the pig, he wasn't nearly as upset as she thought he would be.
至于那头猪，他并没有她想象的那么沮丧。
Rather than threatening a lawsuit or demanding a retraction, he phoned to say that he was disappointed.
他没有威胁提起诉讼或要求撤回，而是打电话表示他很失望。
"Deeply disappointed," were his exact words.
“深感失望”是他的原话。
The parrot reached for a pen, hoping for quotes that might lead to a second article.
鹦鹉伸手拿起一支笔，希望能得到可能导致第二篇文章的引用。
"Is that all you have to say?" she asked.
“你要说的就只有这些吗？”她问道。
"Any response," he sighed.
“任何回应，”他叹了口气。
And gently hung up the phone.
并轻轻挂断了电话。
The pig would not have admitted it, but what really bothered him was the pot-belly business.
猪不会承认这一点，但真正困扰他的是大肚皮生意。
He'd been plump all through his youth, and the years of name calling had not just shaped his adult life but deformed it, like some cell made crazy by radiation.
他年轻时一直很胖，而多年的谩骂不仅塑造了他的成年生活，而且使他的生活变形，就像一些因辐射而变得疯狂的细胞。
He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten without thinking.
他不记得上次不假思索地吃东西是什么时候了。
Popped a passing canape into his mouth, finished an entire potato chip or dry roasted peanut without calculating the damage.
将路过的小点心塞进嘴里，在不计算伤害的情况下吃完一整块薯片或干烤花生。
While others prepared for bed, he ran a treadmill.
当其他人准备睡觉时，他在跑步机上跑步。
They tucked into their ample breakfasts, and he hung upside down from a bar in his living room, doubling at the waist until he saw stars.
他们吃完了丰盛的早餐，他倒挂在客厅的吧台上，腰部对折，直到看到星星。
Then came the traditional sit-ups, and a half a slice of dry Ry-Vita before examining his silhouette in the hallway mirror and getting ready for work.
然后是传统的仰卧起坐和半片干 Ry-Vita，然后在走廊镜子中检查他的轮廓并准备工作。
He did not have a pot-belly.
他没有大肚腩。
He would never again have a pot-belly.
他再也不会有大肚腩了。
But now, here was this article, essentially, comparing him to Buddha.
但现在，这篇文章本质上是把他与佛陀进行比较。
After hanging up on the reporter, the pig began a three-day fast.
挂断记者的电话后，小猪开始了为期三天的禁食。
Lunchtime came, and as his colleagues shuffled to the museum cafeteria, he sat at his desk and looked out the window at that stupid hawk, marching back and forth with his picket sign.
午餐时间到了，当他的同事们拖着脚步走向博物馆自助餐厅时，他坐在办公桌前，看着窗外那只愚蠢的鹰，拿着他的纠察牌来回走动。
The veteran had hoped that others might join him, but none of his fellows seemed to care.
这位老兵曾希望其他人可以加入他，但他的同伴似乎都不在意。
"The war is over, and it's time to move on," they'd been quoted as saying.
“战争已经结束，是时候继续前进了，”他们被引述说。
"Who cares if some," and there was that word again, "Who cares if some pot-bellied Charlie wants to hang a picture on the wall?"
“谁在乎是否有人，”又是那个词，“谁在乎某个大腹便便的查理是否想在墙上挂一幅画？”
"Damn that parrot from the Eagle." The pig's anger felt vaguely nourishing, but he knew that it was misplaced.
“该死的老鹰鹦鹉。”猪的愤怒隐隐约约地滋生起来，但他知道它发错了地方。
The reporter hadn't assigned the animals their names.
记者没有给这些动物起名字。
That was someone else's doing, someone who sat back and ordained, wide-mouth bass, humpback whale, lesser wart-nosed horseshoe bat, not caring whose life was ruined.
那是别人做的，是一个袖手旁观、命定了广口鲈鱼、座头鲸、小疣鼻马蹄蝠的人，根本不在乎谁的生活被毁了。
By the time he next ran into her, the pig had lost close to 10 pounds.
当他下次遇到她时，这头猪已经瘦了近 10 磅。
They met at a museum benefit, a costume ball which he hosted, and which she hovered on the edges of, guzzling rum punch and gathering quote she'd heard a 1,000 times before.
他们是在一次博物馆慈善晚宴上认识的，他主持了一场化装舞会，而她则徘徊在舞会的边缘，狂饮朗姆潘趣酒，收集她以前听过 1000 遍的名言。
"Wonderful party and, of course, it's for such a good cause."
“很棒的派对，当然，这是为了这么好的事业。”
The parrot was, she liked to joke, back with the living, by which I mean section, not the sensation of being alive.
她喜欢开玩笑，鹦鹉回到了生活中，我指的是部分，而不是活着的感觉。
She'd assumed that the pig would be in disguise, and was surprised to see him in the same dark suit he worn at the restaurant.
她以为猪会乔装打扮，但惊讶地发现他穿着他在餐厅穿的深色西装。
He was standing at the bar, nursing a glass of water.
他站在吧台前，端着一杯水。
And she came from behind and tapped him on the shoulder.
她从后面走过来，拍了拍他的肩膀。
"Let me guess," she said, "you're Henry Bacon, right?"
“让我猜猜，”她说，“你是亨利·培根，对吗？”
"Who's he?" the pig asked.
“他是谁？”猪问道。
The parrot rolled her eyes.
鹦鹉翻了个白眼。
"American architect, designed a little something called the Lincoln Memorial?"
“美国建筑师，设计了一个小东西，叫林肯纪念堂？”
"Oh," the the pig said, "that Henry Bacon." He was going to admit that he was no one or, at least, no one special, when the parrot stepped back and examined him again over the rim of her punch class.
“哦，”小猪说，“那个亨利·培根。”他正要承认自己不是什么人，或者至少不是什么特别的人，这时鹦鹉退后一步，在拳击课的边缘再次审视他。
"I've got it," she said, "you're Luther Ham, took the silver medal for 200 meter freestyle, Helsinki 1952.
“我明白了，”她说，“你是路德·汉姆，1952 年在赫尔辛基获得 200 米自由泳银牌。
Little wisp of a thing, but, boy, did he have shoulders."
虽然是个小东西，但是，孩子，他有肩膀吗？”
"Right," the pig said.
“对啊，”猪说。
"So who are you supposed to be?"
“那么你应该是谁？”
The parrot shrugged and held up her glass for a refill.
鹦鹉耸耸肩，举起杯子要续杯。
"I thought I'd go all out and come as a two-bit journalist." For verification, she presented an ink stained claw.
“我想我会全力以赴，以一名两位记者的身份来。”为了验证，她拿出了一只沾有墨水的爪子。
"So hey," she added, "I'm sorry about that article."
“所以嘿，”她补充道，“我对那篇文章感到抱歉。”
"All right for you," the parrot said, "I'm the one with the god damn hawk calling me every 10 minutes.
“好吧，”鹦鹉说，“我就是那个该死的老鹰每十分钟就叫我一次的人。
Now he wants to go after Middle Easterners.
现在他想追捕中东人。
Heard of a Persian cat who runs a parking garage down by the civic center and is after me to write an expose."
听说有一只波斯猫在市政中心附近经营一个停车场，正在追赶我写一篇揭露真相的文章。”
The pig laughed for the first time in months, and immediately thereafter, as was his habit, he began to analyze why.
猪几个月来第一次笑了，随后，按照他的习惯，他立即开始分析原因。
Was it the idea of this parrot bedeviled by a ridiculous hawk, or the image of a long-haired cat making change in one of those sweltering little booths?
是这只鹦鹉被一只可笑的老鹰困扰的想法，还是一只长毛猫在那些闷热的小摊位中换衣服的形象？
He pondered this for days but never reached a satisfying conclusion.
他思考了好几天，但始终没有得出令人满意的结论。
"Earth to pig, Earth to pig," the parrot said.
“地球对猪来说，地球对猪来说，”鹦鹉说。
And he looked down to see her wing resting on his stomach.
他低头看到她的翅膀搁在他的肚子上。
"Is it my imagination or have you lost some weight?"
“是我的错觉，还是你瘦了？”
"No," he told her, "I mean, yes I did.
“不，”他告诉她，“我的意思是，是的，我做到了。
It's not your imagination." He thought of how kind it was for her to mention it.
这不是你的想象。”他想她能提起这件事真是太好了。
And then he noticed how oddly satisfying it felt to be patted down by a wing.
然后他注意到被翅膀拍打的感觉是多么奇怪的满足感。
Meanwhile, the parrot was still talking.
与此同时，鹦鹉还在说话。
"Don't get me wrong," she said, "I have seen a cockatoo in my time, but I'm not dating anyone now if that's what you're wondering." She grabbed a passing appetizer, dumped the caviar back onto the tray and ate only the cracker.
“别误会我的意思，”她说，“我以前见过一只凤头鹦鹉，但如果你想知道的话，我现在不会和任何人约会。”她抓起一份路过的开胃菜，把鱼子酱倒回托盘上，只吃了饼干。
"A cliche, I know, parrot eats a cracker, but fish eggs make me bloat."
“我知道，这是陈词滥调，鹦鹉吃饼干，但鱼蛋会让我腹胀。”
"It's the salt," the pig told her .
“是盐，”猪告诉她。
He'd hoped to say something more interesting, but, just then, the band started up.
他本来希望说点更有趣的事情，但是就在这时，乐队开始了。
A wolf, in sheep's clothing, called out for a foxtrot.
一只披着羊皮的狼叫着狐步舞。
And as if a switch had been thrown, the party came to life.
就像按下了开关一样，聚会开始活跃起来。
Here was the hare in cat's pajamas dancing with a chameleon whose costume changed with every turn.
这是一只穿着猫睡衣的兔子和一只变色龙跳舞，变色龙的服装每次都在变化。
The Ugly Duckling cut in on a swan.
丑小鸭闯入了一只天鹅。
A trio of mice lowered their sunglasses, and as they scouted the floor for partners, the parrot turned to the pig and held out her claw.
三只老鼠放下了太阳镜，当它们在地板上寻找伙伴时，鹦鹉转向猪并伸出了爪子。
He accepted it awkwardly in his hoof, this spindly pitchfork, this warm, mottled twig.
他笨拙地用蹄子接住了它，这根细长的干草叉，这根温暖的、斑驳的树枝。
And so began, what the reporter would later refer to, as her days of swine and roses.
就这样开始了，记者后来将其称为“猪和玫瑰的日子”。
David Sedaris is the author of several books, most recently, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.
David Sedaris 是多本书的作者，最近出版了《用灯芯绒和牛仔布装扮你的家人》。
Our program was produced today by Diane Cook and myself with Alex Blumberg, Jane Feltes, Sarah Koenig, Lisa Pollak, Alix Spiegel, and Nancy Updike.
今天我们的节目由黛安·库克和我本人以及亚历克斯·布隆伯格、简·菲尔特斯、莎拉·科尼格、丽莎·波拉克、阿利克斯·斯皮格尔和南希·厄普代克共同制作。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Elizabeth Meister runs our website.
伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister) 负责运营我们的网站。
Production help from Seth Lind, and Steven January.
Seth Lind 和 Steven January 提供制作帮助。
Special thanks today to Ben Resner and Irene Pepperberg.
今天特别感谢本·雷斯纳和艾琳·佩珀伯格。
Our web site, where you can listen to our programs for absolutely free, www.ThisAmericanLife.org, or you know you can download today's program in our archives at audible.com/ThisAmericanLife.
您可以在我们的网站 www.ThisAmericanLife.org 上免费收听我们的节目，或者您也可以在 audible.com/ThisAmericanLife 的档案库中下载今天的节目。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight for our show by Mr. Torey Malatia, who says that he had a dream exactly like today's show, all three acts.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理部门对我们的演出进行了 Torey Malatia 先生的监督，他说他做了一个与今天的演出一模一样的梦想，全部三幕。
The dream even included me reading these very credits.
这个梦甚至让我读到了这些致谢名单。
"Yeah, that was a dream I had, and I remember that dream, and I remember thinking that, you know, I got to stop smoking pot, man."
“是的，那是我的一个梦想，我记得那个梦想，我记得我当时想，你知道，我必须停止吸大麻，伙计。”
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。