899: Reaching Out - This American Life
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Sign up for a free Life Partners trial, and you can watch the video “A Night of Stories and Improv.”
注册免费试用《Life Partners》，您可以观看视频“故事与即兴表演之夜”。
This American Life Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Prologue: Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
《This American Life》 完整剧集 切换音频和文字记录同步 序言：序言 来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的 Ira Glass，这就是《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
I recently heard this podcast that was so exciting to hear, because it felt like the people who did it invented something completely new, which is so rare.
我最近听到了这个播客，听起来非常令人兴奋，因为感觉做它的人发明了一些全新的东西，这是非常罕见的。
And it's like, I feel like they took what shows like ours do, and then just pushed it further and further until it became something else.
就像，我觉得他们采用了我们这样的节目，然后将其推得越来越远，直到它变成了别的东西。
And I want to play you some of that show today.
今天我想给你们播放一些节目。
It's by somebody who I had never heard of before.
这是我以前从未听说过的一个人写的。
His name is Sayre Quevedo.
他的名字叫塞尔·克维多。
And the series is called Reaching Out.
该系列名为“伸出援手”。
It's made by Futuro Studios.
它是由 Futuro Studios 制作的。
And as you'll hear, at some point years ago, it seems like Sayre started recording nearly all of his personal conversations, including these especially passive aggressive conversations with his twin brother that get more interesting and complicated the further you get into the series.
正如你所听到的，几年前的某个时候，塞尔似乎开始录制他几乎所有的个人对话，包括与他的双胞胎兄弟的这些特别被动的攻击性对话，随着你深入了解该系列，这些对话会变得更加有趣和复杂。
And it's just-- I don't know-- real, messy life captured on recordings in a way that is rare to hear.
这只是——我不知道——真实的、混乱的生活以一种罕见的方式被记录在录音中。
And then Sayre also invented this way to do narration that at first, when you hear it, you're like, what's happening?
然后塞尔还发明了这种方式来进行叙述，一开始，当你听到它时，你会想，发生了什么事？
And then-- I don't know-- I really came to love it.
然后——我不知道——我真的爱上了它。
And the show is ambitious.
而且这个节目雄心勃勃。
I don't know if I've heard another podcast that tries to capture a person's life as completely as this one does, and just what it feels like to be alive right now.
我不知道我是否听过另一个播客，它试图像这个播客一样完整地捕捉一个人的生活，以及现在活着的感觉。
So we're going to excerpt some of the show today.
所以我们今天要摘录一些节目。
That's going to be the whole hour.
这将是整整一个小时。
And I just want to say, stay with it.
我只想说，坚持下去。
I guarantee, it pays off.
我保证，它会有回报。
Here's Sayre.
这是塞尔。
On February 15, 2020.
2020 年 2 月 15 日。
Connor calls you to ask if you want to look for your birth father.
康纳打电话给你，问你是否想寻找你的亲生父亲。
You do not record this conversation.
您没有记录此对话。
This is notable, if only because so much of your life has been recorded, moments far less consequential than this-- you and Connor's fourth birthday--
这是值得注意的，只是因为你生活的大部分内容都被记录下来了，而远没有这个重要的时刻——你和康纳的四岁生日——
Which way did we come?
我们是从哪条路来的？
Sayre Quevedo A house party when you were 16, when you first began to record yourself.
Sayre Quevedo 16 岁时的一次家庭聚会，当时您第一次开始录制自己的唱片。
So I interview people and I talk to them about whatever I want to talk about.
所以我采访人们并与他们谈论我想谈论的任何事情。
And since it's about me and it's about the things I do, I figure I should record this.
因为这是关于我和我所做的事情，所以我认为我应该记录下来。
There is a price for what we choose to remember and what we choose to forget.
我们选择记住什么和选择忘记什么是有代价的。
If you had known how this would all turn out, maybe you would have recorded everything.
如果你知道这一切会如何发展，也许你会记录下一切。
Or if you had known the cost, maybe you would not have recorded anything at all.
或者，如果您知道成本，也许您根本就不会记录任何内容。
On February 15, 2020, your brother calls you to ask if you want to look for your birth father, but there is no record of that call.
2020年2月15日，你的兄弟打电话询问你是否要寻找你的亲生父亲，但没有该电话的记录。
There is, however, a recording of the call you make a few days later.
不过，几天后会有您拨打的电话录音。
Yeah.
是的。
Connor All right, that's cool.
康纳 好吧，那很酷。
Are you recording because you want to talk about dad stuff?
你录音是因为你想谈论爸爸的事情吗？
Yeah, well, not just because of that, but yeah.
是的，嗯，不仅仅是因为这个，但是是的。
I thought that's what you wanted to talk about.
我以为这就是你想谈的。
I have other things on my mind, but hmm, I mean, yeah, that's just a very intense conversation.
我脑子里还有其他事情，但是嗯，我的意思是，是的，这只是一次非常激烈的谈话。
Can I tell you something crazy that happened today that has nothing to do with him?
我能告诉你今天发生的一件与他无关的疯狂事情吗？
These days, you rarely know where Connor is until he's already there.
如今，你很少知道康纳在哪里，直到他已经到达那里。
You call, and he's in Washington with his girlfriend.
你打电话过去，他和他的女朋友在华盛顿。
You call again, and he's barely got service.
你再打电话，他几乎没有得到服务。
He's trimming weed in Arcata.
他正在阿卡塔除草。
Or he's hopped a train to the Midwest.
或者他已经搭火车去中西部了。
Or he's crashing on a friend's couch in Oakland.
或者他睡在奥克兰朋友的沙发上。
Right now, Connor is partying in New Orleans with his girlfriend.
现在，康纳正在新奥尔良和他的女朋友参加派对。
Right now, you are pacing around your room in Harlem, staring at a whiteboard where you have scribbled a list of vague to-dos.
现在，你在哈莱姆区的房间里踱步，盯着白板，上面潦草写下了一份模糊的待办事项清单。
Today, me and Claire were walking to go get my bike, and we walked by this guy who apparently used to live here.
今天，我和克莱尔步行去拿自行车，我们走过了这个显然曾经住在这里的人。
We keep walking, and all of a sudden, I hear steps, and I look behind.
我们继续走，突然，我听到脚步声，我向后看去。
Connor does not like it when you point out your differences, but contrast is the rightful and unavoidable dominion of twins.
康纳不喜欢你指出你们的差异，但对比是双胞胎合法且不可避免的统治地位。
There are superficial distinctions, the kind of differences strangers point out when you inevitably pull up a photo of Connor after they learn you're a twin-- your tightly coiled curls, Connor's loose, wavy hair; Connor's growth spurt at 16; you're 5' 7, which you say is 5' 8.
有一些表面上的区别，当陌生人得知你是双胞胎后，当你不可避免地拿出康纳的照片时，他们会指出这种差异——你紧紧卷曲的卷发，康纳松散的卷发；你的头发是你的。康纳在 16 岁时迅速成长；你身高 5 英尺 7 英寸，你说的是 5 英尺 8 英寸。
But nothing makes you feel more different from your brother than when he tells you these kinds of stories.
但当你的兄弟给你讲这些故事时，没有什么比他更能让你感觉自己与他不同了。
Whoa.
哇哦。
Connor --and just had fucking these knives in his hand and polishing his knives on his shirt and looking at us.
康纳——他手里拿着这些刀，在衬衫上擦着刀，看着我们。
The critical difference between you and Connor is this-- long ago, without realizing it, you chose a kind of freedom, the kind that imparts stability and safety, and that you pay for in unsubsidized loans, quarterly job reviews, happy hours with coworkers, boring party conversation, conferences with field practitioners, mid-century modern furniture, boxing classes, and dental checkups.
你和康纳之间的关键区别在于——很久以前，你没有意识到，选择了一种自由，一种带来稳定和安全的自由，你用无补贴贷款、季度工作回顾、与同事的欢乐时光、无聊的聚会谈话、与现场从业者的会议、中世纪现代家具、拳击课程和牙科检查来支付费用。
And Connor chose a kind of freedom that comes with land projects, one-off jobs at biker festivals, wide-open mountain ranges from the Union Pacific line, and that he pays for in a persistent smoker's cough, weeks on remote weed farms with Phish fans, and being pursued in New Orleans by a guy with a knife.
康纳选择了一种自由，这种自由伴随着土地项目、摩托车节上的一次性工作、联合太平洋线的开阔山脉、他以持续吸烟者的咳嗽为代价、在偏远的杂草农场与网络钓鱼迷一起呆上几周、在新奥尔良被一个拿着刀的人追赶。
It was just like psycho ass move.
这就像一个疯狂的举动。
So yeah, that was crazy.
是的，那太疯狂了。
That's why I was talking to you.
这就是我和你说话的原因。
Your brother thinks you are a judgmental normie, and you think he is a judgmental hobo.
你的兄弟认为你是一个爱评判的普通人，而你则认为他是一个爱评判的流浪汉。
This is the shared cost of your divergent freedoms.
这是你们不同自由的共同成本。
You both pay for your choices with the degree of distance it puts between you, but you do love each other, and you are trying to be better, to be nicer, to be closer.
你们都为自己的选择付出了代价，但你们确实彼此相爱，并且努力变得更好、更友善、更亲近。
This routine of phone calls, which began a few months ago, is your attempt.
这种从几个月前开始的例行电话就是你的尝试。
OK.
好的。
There's nothing wrong with that.
这没有什么问题。
Sayre Quevedo You do not return to the subject of your birth father tonight.
Sayre Quevedo 今晚你不会回到你的亲生父亲的话题。
There are no records of phone calls with Connor that week or the next.
没有那一周或下一周与康纳的电话记录。
You assume his impulse to look for your father is a passing one.
你认为他寻找你父亲的冲动只是一时的冲动。
You doubt you follow up.
你怀疑你是否跟进。
You went through your phase, of course-- the one that you imagine most fatherless teenagers go through-- in which your father's absence took on an outsized significance, in which your adolescent brain dissected and disassembled its meaning in relation to your sense of self.
当然，你经历了你的阶段——你想象大多数没有父亲的青少年都会经历的阶段——在这个阶段，你父亲的缺席具有巨大的意义，在这个阶段，你青春期的大脑会剖析和分解它与你的自我意识相关的意义。
Was your fatherlessness why you felt so apart from others?
没有父亲是你感到与他人如此疏远的原因吗？
Was his abandonment a sort of permanent wound on your psyche?
他的抛弃对你的心灵造成了永久性的伤害吗？
Only one way to find out-- write a lot of shitty poetry.
只有一种方法可以找到答案——写很多垃圾诗。
[APPLAUSE] None of those poems are recorded, thank God.
[鼓掌] 感谢上帝，这些诗都没有被记录下来。
But one vestige remains-- a play about two boys waiting to meet their father at a cafe.
但有一个遗迹仍然存在——一部关于两个男孩在咖啡馆等待见父亲的戏剧。
You wrote it when you were 17.
这是你17岁时写的。
It was called-- perhaps a little overprecisely-- "Waiting to Meet Your Father" and was haltingly, painfully acted out by two fellow art students.
它被称为——也许有点过于精确——“等待见到你的父亲”，由两位艺术系的同学结结巴巴、痛苦地表演。
The central tension of the play is that the two boys are waiting at a cafe to meet their father, who they've never known, but he is running late, or maybe he is standing them up.
该剧的核心张力是，两个男孩在一家咖啡馆等着见他们的父亲，他们素不相识，但他迟到了，或者可能是他耽误了他们。
The brothers argue about whether or not they should wait to find out which one it is.
兄弟俩争论是否应该等待找出是哪一个。
One boy is sure it won't be worth it.
一个男孩确信这不值得。
The other is adamant they stay.
另一个坚持要留下来。
Well, sometimes, like when we're about to fall asleep.
嗯，有时候，就像我们快要睡着的时候。
It's usually while I'm not thinking that I think about him the most.
通常在我不思考的时候我最想他。
It's one of those things where when my mind is just drifting, I'll suddenly start wondering about him, and then I'll have to make myself do something to take my mind off him.
当我的思绪飘忽不定时，我会突然开始想念他，然后我必须让自己做点什么来转移我的注意力。
The more I think about trying to think about him, the more I end up thinking about him.
我越想尝试去想他，我就越会想他。
You turn 20.
你20岁了。
On the eve of this new decade of life, you decided it was not worth it to actively think about your birth father anymore.
在生命新十年的前夕，您认为不再值得积极思考您的亲生父亲。
It was not cool to still feel hurt about it.
仍然为此感到受伤并不酷。
And so you could choose to feel nothing, and you plan to continue to do so now.
所以你可以选择什么都感觉不到，并且你计划现在继续这样做。
You will not sabotage your brother's efforts, but you will not help them either.
你不会破坏你兄弟的努力，但你也不会帮助他们。
So you do not follow up with Connor about looking for your father.
所以你没有跟进康纳寻找你父亲的事情。
And Connor does not call.
康纳没有打电话。
But there are also no records of other calls either.
但也没有其他通话记录。
If you had recorded everything, you would hear three sessions here with your new work-subsidized tele-therapist, the first an intake session, a concise, summarized biography of your life as it relates to your inner problems.
如果你已经记录了一切，你会在这里听到新的工作补贴远程治疗师的三个疗程，第一个疗程是入院疗程，是关于您生活的简明总结的传记，因为它与您的内在问题有关。
You make radio documentaries.
你制作广播纪录片。
You won some awards for this last year.
去年您因此获得了一些奖项。
Whew.
呼。
Wow.
哇。
Hold on, one second.
等一下，等一下。
There are two parts to this speech, and I was going to keep it short, but what the hell, I got gold, so yeah.
这次演讲有两个部分，我本来打算简短地说，但管它呢，我得到了金牌，所以是的。
[LAUGHS]
[笑]
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE] You crave the attention and acknowledgment, and it also repulses you.
[欢呼、掌声]你渴望关注和认可，但它也让你感到排斥。
You work at the most famous newspaper in the world at one of the biggest shows in the country.
您在世界上最著名的报纸工作，并在该国最大的展会之一工作。
Lately, you've been leaving early to see if anyone notices.
最近，你很早就离开了，看看是否有人注意到。
They don't.
他们不这样做。
Ah, alligator!
啊，鳄鱼！
Sayre Quevedo You were raised by a loving single mother in the Bay Area.
Sayre Quevedo 你是由湾区一位慈爱的单亲母亲抚养长大的。
You would hear yourself tell your tele-therapist that your birth father left before you were born, and you've never met him, that you suspect based on nothing more than an elementary understanding of Freud and a few Instagram therapy videos that this is the root of some of your problems-- daddy issues.
你会听到自己告诉你的远程治疗师，你的亲生父亲在你出生之前就离开了，而你从未见过他，你怀疑这只是基于对弗洛伊德的基本了解和一些 Instagram 治疗视频，这就是你一些问题的根源——爸爸问题。
You have a twin brother, but you're not identical.
你有一个双胞胎兄弟，但你们并不完全相同。
You probably make the same joke you always do, that you're sorry to disappoint your therapist.
你可能会开同样的玩笑，说你很抱歉让你的治疗师失望了。
People are always more excited when they think there's some other version of you out there.
当人们认为还有其他版本的你时，他们总是会更加兴奋。
Most relevant to your tele-therapist, what you would like to fix about yourself-- it is mostly one thing, which you are almost embarrassed to admit-- you have the sneaking suspicion that you will never fall in love.
与你的远程治疗师最相关的是，你想解决自己的哪些问题——这主要是一件事，你几乎不好意思承认这一点——你偷偷怀疑自己永远不会坠入爱河。
Your last attempt officially ended the night of your 27th birthday, you and your ex shouting at one another beneath the rattling viaduct of the M line, your ex saying it's been two years.
你的最后一次尝试在你 27 岁生日那天晚上正式结束，你和你的前任在 M 线嘎嘎作响的高架桥下互相大喊大叫，你的前任说已经两年了。
You need to get over me.
你需要克服我。
I got over you in a week.
我一周内就摆脱了你。
I know, you said, I know-- even though you didn't know.
我知道，你说，我知道——尽管你不知道。
That is as far as you get.
这就是你所能得到的。
Your therapist calls it quits at the start of the pandemic.
你的治疗师在大流行开始时就停止了。
You build fortresses of routine to keep the mania of your confinement from creeping in.
你建立了例行公事的堡垒，以防止禁闭期间的躁狂情绪蔓延。
You quit smoking, start running.
你戒烟了，开始跑步。
You record your phone calls.
你记录你的电话。
You tell yourself it's for a project you hope to make one day about this historic moment.
你告诉自己这是为了一个你希望有一天能在这一历史性时刻完成的项目。
Your aunt and your mom have been living together in Portland since quarantine began.
自隔离开始以来，你的阿姨和你的妈妈一直住在波特兰。
So does it go from bear to otter, and then to something else?
那么它会从熊到水獭，然后到其他东西吗？
Or it's just bear--
或者只是熊——
This is your favorite kind of call.
这是您最喜欢的通话方式。
You get stoned and curl up in bed with the phone balanced on your cheek.
你喝醉了，蜷缩在床上，把手机放在脸颊上。
You are still, at 27, like most children.
27 岁的你仍然像大多数孩子一样。
You like to hear stories of the world before you were in it of your mother before she was your mother, like when her and your aunt were strippers at the New Century Theater in San Francisco.
你喜欢听你母亲成为你母亲之前的世界的故事，就像她和你姑姑在旧金山新世纪剧院做脱衣舞娘时一样。
I would dance to Bob Dylan a lot, actually, believe it or not.
事实上，不管你信不信，我经常跟着鲍勃·迪伦跳舞。
But so did your mom.
但你妈妈也一样。
Well, yeah, but his Christian album.
嗯，是的，但是他的基督教专辑。
I'm going to scandalize your nephew now.
我现在要羞辱你的侄子。
Your auntie did the schoolgirl thing.
你阿姨做了女学生的事。
Let's just be honest.
老实说吧。
Let's just be honest.
老实说吧。
Yeah.
是的。
Well, I'm warning you that my phone is-- you know what?
好吧，我警告你我的手机——你知道吗？
I'm going to go upstairs and get the cord.
我要去楼上拿电线。
But I have to look at this message from your brother.
但我必须看看你兄弟发来的这条消息。
He was OK.
他没事。
I only met your birth father a couple of times.
我只见过你的亲生父亲几次。
I remember I met him once at the Zeitgeist, and he was really hella tall for one thing.
我记得我在 Zeitgeist 见过他一次，他的身高确实很高。
He was cute.
他很可爱。
He was handsome.
他很帅。
Your mother is not exactly withholding about your father.
你母亲并没有完全隐瞒你父亲的事。
She answers the questions if you ask them, which you did a lot when you were a teenager.
如果你问问题，她就会回答，你在青少年时期经常这样做。
Your origin story has remained consistent but unsatisfyingly brief.
你的起源故事保持一致，但简短得令人不满意。
Your father was a line cook.
你父亲是一名一线厨师。
He played in a rockabilly band.
他在一支摇滚乐队中演奏。
They met at a bar called the Zeitgeist, dated for a while.
他们在一家名为 Zeitgeist 的酒吧相识，并约会了一段时间。
She got pregnant.
她怀孕了。
He wasn't ready to be a father.
他还没有准备好成为一名父亲。
She decided to keep you.
她决定留下你。
For a while, she exchanged letters with his mother, but your mom says she was always justifying his choice to not be involved in your lives, so they stopped communicating.
有一段时间，她和他的母亲交换了信件，但你妈妈说她总是为他不参与你生活的选择辩护，所以他们停止了联系。
Your mother tells you his name, but says she can't remember how it's spelled.
你妈妈告诉你他的名字，但说她不记得它是怎么拼写的。
So yeah.
所以是的。
So I met him a couple of times.
所以我见过他几次。
I thought-- and he seemed nice.
我想——他看起来不错。
He was nice to me.
他对我很好。
He was polite.
他很有礼貌。
He was clearly trying to make a good impression on me because I was your mom's friend.
他显然是想给我留下好印象，因为我是你妈妈的朋友。
Yeah, and he was very tall.
是的，而且他很高。
The pandemic inspires inexplicable life choices.
这场流行病激发了令人费解的人生选择。
Some friends buzz their hair.
有些朋友头发乱乱。
Others experiment with sobriety.
其他人则尝试清醒。
You move to Los Angeles.
你搬到洛杉矶。
You are surprised to find that your next-door neighbors, a young white couple, rarely return your greetings.
你惊讶地发现你的隔壁邻居，一对年轻的白人夫妇，很少回应你的问候。
You live in the heart of a gentrifying Central American neighborhood.
您住在中美洲中产阶级社区的中心。
When you speak to the cashier at the corner store in Spanish, she responds in English.
当你用西班牙语与街角商店的收银员交谈时，她会用英语回应。
You want to tell her that you're not like the rest of them.
你想告诉她你和其他人不一样。
Your grandmother's from Santa Ana.
你的祖母来自圣安娜。
You couldn't have afforded to live here a few years ago.
几年前你根本负担不起住在这里的费用。
You moved here to be closer to something.
你搬到这里是为了离某个地方更近一些。
You're just not sure what or how.
你只是不确定什么或如何。
Connor is driving his truck up and down the Pacific Coast Highway.
康纳驾驶着他的卡车在太平洋海岸高速公路上来回行驶。
He's waiting to be called in to the wildfires, but so far, nobody has called, and he spent the summer sleeping in his truck.
他正在等待被叫去参加野火，但到目前为止，没有人打电话来，整个夏天他都睡在卡车里。
On April 18, 2021, a little over a year after he first calls you to ask to look for your father, he texts you a series of screenshots.
2021 年 4 月 18 日，也就是他第一次打电话给你要求寻找你父亲一年多后，他给你发了一系列屏幕截图。
They're of an exchange between him and someone from a DNA testing website, a distant relative.
这是他和 DNA 检测网站的一个远房亲戚之间的交流。
You bought a kit for your family a few years ago and forgot about it.
几年前，您为家人购买了一套工具包，但后来忘记了。
In the exchange, Connor asks if there's someone in this distant relative's family with your birth father's name.
在交流中，康纳询问这位远亲家里是否有人和你的亲生父亲同姓。
Yes, in fact, says the stranger.
是的，事实上，陌生人说。
A few days later, Connor receives your birth father's first and last name, for the first time, spelled correctly.
几天后，康纳第一次收到你生父的名字和姓氏，而且拼写正确。
When you search your birth father's name in public records, it returns a result in Los Angeles, in a suburb 40 minutes away from you.
当您在公共记录中搜索您的亲生父亲的名字时，它会返回距离您 40 分钟路程的洛杉矶郊区的结果。
I mean, how do you feel about it?
我的意思是，你对此有何感想？
Sayre Quevedo I feel good about it.
Sayre Quevedo 我对此感觉很好。
Yeah, I feel good about it.
是的，我对此感觉很好。
It has been a long time since you've heard Connor excited about anything.
你已经很久没有听到康纳对任何事情感到兴奋了。
It's sweet and unnerving.
这是甜蜜而又令人不安的。
To say no would be disappointing for him, a betrayal of your attempts towards closeness.
拒绝会让他失望，背叛你的亲密尝试。
But the thought of meeting your birth father inspires very little feeling in you, besides a nascent hope that you might finally finish a project.
但见到你的亲生父亲的想法并没有激发你的任何感觉，除了你最终可能完成一个项目的新希望之外。
I mean, do you feel like if you met him, do you feel like you won't get anything out of it?
我的意思是，你是否觉得如果你遇见了他，你会觉得你不会从中得到任何东西吗？
I guess I'm just trying to figure out what-- I feel like we're both almost 30, where it's just like, what is this guy going to tell us about ourselves that we don't already know?
我想我只是想弄清楚——我觉得我们都快30岁了，这家伙会告诉我们什么是我们还不知道的关于我们自己的事情？
I hear you because it's like I'm not interested-- it's like I don't really give a shit about-- I mean, I do give a shit.
我听到你的声音是因为我好像不感兴趣——就好像我根本不在乎——我是说，我确实在乎。
I do give a shit about meeting him.
我真的很讨厌见到他。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Do you ever look in the mirror and, say, think about Dad, or Dad, but our biological dad?
你是否曾在照镜子时想到爸爸，或者爸爸，但我们的亲生父亲？
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah, definitely.
是的，绝对是。
Connor It's like, I find myself always looking and being like, I don't even know what our family looks like.
康纳：就像，我发现自己总是看起来像，我什至不知道我们的家人是什么样子。
I have Mom to compare that to.
我有妈妈可以与之比较。
I'm like, oh, it's like I have mom's face, in a lot of ways.
我想，哦，我在很多方面都像妈妈的脸。
But I also wonder what our biological dad looks like.
但我也想知道我们的亲生父亲长什么样。
You have tabs open to several potential fathers on Facebook, a series of white men in rimless or squared sunglasses with varied hairlines and gradient pallid shades.
你在 Facebook 上打开了几位潜在父亲的标签，他们是一群戴着无框或方形太阳镜、发际线各异、肤色渐变的白人男子。
Your top contender sports a buzz cut and a pair of gas station sunglasses.
你的最佳竞争者留着寸头，戴着一副加油站太阳镜。
He's an amateur photographer who takes pictures of animals at the zoo.
他是一位业余摄影师，在动物园里拍摄动物的照片。
I found one picture of a person who kind of looks like he could be related to us maybe.
我找到了一张照片，照片上的一个人看起来可能和我们有关系。
Yeah, I saw one that maybe did.
是的，我看到一个可能是这样的。
But I was like, damn, he's pretty ugly.
但我当时想，该死，他太丑了。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Yeah, that guy.
是的，那个家伙。
I was like, is that really Mom's type before she started dating really boring dudes?
我当时想，在她开始和那些无聊的家伙约会之前，这真的是妈妈的类型吗？
You have not told your mother about any of this, and you're not sure you will.
你还没有告诉你母亲这一切，而且你也不确定你会告诉她。
It is very different, you think, to ask questions about your birth father than to meet him.
你认为，询问有关你生父的问题与见他有很大不同。
Suddenly, it's June again, almost exactly one year since you arrived to Los Angeles.
转眼间，又到了六月，距离你来到洛杉矶已经整整一年了。
One night, you will absentmindedly google your father's name and Los Angeles.
有一天晚上，你会心不在焉地用谷歌搜索你父亲的名字和洛杉矶。
The screen will populate with the same buzzcut guy with gas station sunglasses, but now there are two new images.
屏幕上将出现同一个戴着加油站太阳镜的时髦男人，但现在有两张新图像。
The first is a man standing beside a barber chair.
第一个是一个男人站在理发椅旁边。
He looks like he was ripped from a Time magazine article from the '50s-- tall, a pencil mustache, slicked-back hair.
他看起来就像是从 50 年代《时代》杂志的一篇文章中抄袭来的——身材高大，留着铅笔小胡子，头发向后梳得很光滑。
There's an interview with him.
有一个对他的采访。
He owns the barber shop.
他拥有这家理发店。
He grew up in California, moved to Los Angeles in the mid '90s.
他在加利福尼亚州长大，90 年代中期搬到洛杉矶。
Before he was a barber, he says, he was a cook.
他说，在成为理发师之前，他是一名厨师。
The second image is of him standing in front of the shop.
第二张照片是他站在商店前面。
It looks familiar.
看起来很熟悉。
You will type the address into Google Maps.
您将在 Google 地图中输入地址。
You ate dinner across the street from the shop two nights ago.
两天前你在商店街对面吃过晚饭。
You will type in your address to measure the distance between you and this barber shop.
您将输入您的地址来测量您与这家理发店之间的距离。
A short, nearly straight line will appear and an estimated arrival time from your apartment-- five minutes.
将出现一条短的、几乎是直线的线，以及从您的公寓到达的预计时间——五分钟。
Hello?
你好？
Sayre Quevedo You've read that there are several theories about the origins of language.
Sayre Quevedo 您已经了解到，关于语言起源有多种理论。
Yeah, so I'm going to be in and out.
是的，所以我要进出。
I'm in this weird bunker room right now.
我现在就在这个奇怪的地堡房间里。
I think it's where people who work the crew of Amtrak sleep.
我认为这是美铁工作人员睡觉的地方。
[LAUGHS] No. I don't think it matters.
[笑]不，我认为这不重要。
Sayre Quevedo One theory suggests we learn to communicate by imitating nature.
Sayre Quevedo 一种理论认为，我们通过模仿自然来学习交流。
Another says we learned through song.
另一个说我们通过歌曲学习。
--to be considerate of other people.
——为他人着想。
Oh, OK.
哦，好吧。
Well, then, that's fine.
那么，这样就好了。
I wasn't sure if there were, sorry.
我不确定是否有，抱歉。
I'll talk to you soon.
我很快就会和你谈谈。
I'll talk to you soon.
我很快就会和你谈谈。
If you're going to be an asshole--
如果你想成为一个混蛋——
Don't have bad judgment of me.
不要对我有不好的评价。
I'm not talking on the phone in front of people who are sleeping.
我不会在熟睡的人面前打电话。
That's a ridiculous thing to think!
这样想真是可笑！
I know.
我知道。
These theories of language suggest that either suddenly or over a long period of time, primordial grunts and hums evolved into words, and words allowed us to hunt and pass on knowledge, to gather food and stay safe, to share beliefs and traditions, to express feeling and connect.
这些语言理论表明，无论是突然还是在很长一段时间内，原始的咕哝声和嗡嗡声演变成文字，而文字使我们能够狩猎和传递知识，收集食物并保持安全，分享信仰和传统，表达情感和联系。
Connor, I was just trying to be lighthearted.
康纳，我只是想轻松一点。
You don't need to be such a drama queen about it.
你不需要在这件事上表现得像个戏剧女王。
I am dropping it.
我要放弃它了。
Sayre Quevedo Good, I'm dropping it, too.
Sayre Quevedo 好，我也放弃它。
Do you want to hear about all the work that I did for you, or what?
你想听听我为你所做的所有工作吗？
Should we move on?
我们应该继续前进吗？
It's hard to believe that this conversation between you and Connor is the culmination of epochs of human development.
很难相信你和康纳之间的这次对话是人类发展时代的顶峰。
And that's because a stubborn critical defect is demonstrated in your and Connor's exchange, that no matter how language evolves, no matter how we choose to use it, there is always a chance that somewhere between thinking, speaking, and hearing, our intention and meaning will be lost.
那是因为你和康纳的交流中表现出了一个顽固的关键缺陷，即无论语言如何演变，无论我们选择如何使用它，在思考、说话和听觉之间的某个地方，我们的意图和意义总是有可能丢失。
It's not-- it's not a big deal.
这不是——这没什么大不了的。
And-- Sayre Quevedo OK, let's move on.
还有——Sayre Quevedo 好的，我们继续吧。
Let's move on.
让我们继续吧。
Let's move on.
让我们继续吧。
We both apologized.
我们都道歉了。
Let's move on.
让我们继续吧。
Jesus.
耶稣。
Sayre Quevedo On your computer screen are seven discrete tabs tucked next to your work email.
Sayre Quevedo 在您的计算机屏幕上，工作电子邮件旁边隐藏着七个独立的选项卡。
They've been open since last night.
他们从昨晚就开始营业了。
The first tab, the article about your birth father's barbershop that you found yesterday.
第一个选项卡是您昨天找到的有关您生父理发店的文章。
The second, third, and fourth tabs are a mosaic of images from Google, Facebook, and Yelp.
第二个、第三个和第四个选项卡是来自 Google、Facebook 和 Yelp 的图像的马赛克。
There's your birth father standing behind the barber chair or behind the wheel of a classic Cadillac.
你的亲生父亲站在理发椅后面或经典凯迪拉克的方向盘后面。
There he is in a tiki bar or squinting into the sun, his pencil mustache, his eyebrows, and the slits of his eyes creating five distinct planes across his face.
他在提基酒吧里，或者眯着眼睛看着太阳，他的铅笔胡子、眉毛和眼睛的缝隙在他的脸上形成了五个不同的平面。
His pompadour catches an errant sunray.
他的蓬巴杜发型捕捉到了错误的阳光。
Yeah, I mean, he's like a rockabilly dude, which is a big red flag to me, just in general.
是的，我的意思是，他就像一个摇滚乐家伙，总的来说，这对我来说是一个很大的危险信号。
The fifth tab is the map with directions to his barber shop.
第五个选项卡是地图，其中标有前往他的理发店的路线。
A short, nearly straight line measures the distance between you-- five minutes.
一条近乎直线的短线测量了你们之间的距离——五分钟。
He's right there next to you.
他就在你旁边。
That's so wild actually.
实际上这太疯狂了。
That's-- it's kind of baffling.
这有点令人困惑。
The sixth tab is the barber shop's Yelp reviews, in which your father is rated from a scale of 0 to 5 stars, with additional notes included.
第六个选项卡是理发店的 Yelp 评论，其中您父亲的评分范围为 0 到 5 星，并包含其他注释。
He averages about 4.1.
他的场均得分约为4.1。
According to the anecdotal evidence in these reviews, he is either the nicest or the worst man they've ever met.
根据这些评论中的轶事证据，他要么是他们见过的最好的人，要么是最糟糕的人。
He is unforgiving of lateness, condescending, rude, a, quote, "complete asshole," or fastidious, a perfectionist, the best men's barber in town.
他对迟到毫不宽容，居高临下，粗鲁无礼，用一句话来说就是“彻头彻尾的混蛋”，或者是挑剔的完美主义者，是城里最好的男士理发师。
Wow.
哇。
Wow.
哇。
That's our-- that's our daddy right there.
那是我们的——那是我们的爸爸。
I see-- I see you in him.
我明白了——我在他身上看到了你。
Thanks for doing all the hard work finding all that.
感谢您为找到这一切所做的一切努力。
No, thank you.
不，谢谢。
I love you.
我爱你。
Connor You're welcome, I guess.
康纳：不客气，我想。
I don't know what you're thanking me for.
我不知道你在谢我什么。
Well, you're the one who found the name, so-- I mean, it's not all-- not all my work.
好吧，你是找到这个名字的人，所以——我的意思是，这不是我的全部——不是我的全部工作。
Talk to you later.
我们回聊。
Bye.
再见。
Sayre Quevedo It's summer in Los Angeles, 2021.
Sayre Quevedo 2021 年洛杉矶是夏天。
You are 28 years old, and you have a routine.
你今年28岁了，你已经有生活规律了。
You wake up, you answer an endless stream of work emails and Slack messages, which fill you with an unearned rage and dread.
当你醒来时，你会回复无穷无尽的工作电子邮件和 Slack 消息，这让你充满了不劳而获的愤怒和恐惧。
You smoke weed which relaxes you or puts you on edge with no in-between.
你吸的大麻要么让你放松，要么让你紧张，没有中间的余地。
You cook chicken and coconut rice and eat it standing at the wall-mounted table in your narrow kitchen.
你煮鸡肉和椰子饭，然后站在狭窄厨房的壁挂式桌子上吃。
Sometimes your friend Sarah picks you up, and you drive around LA, attempting to commit to memory the geography around you.
有时，你的朋友莎拉会来接你，然后你开车绕着洛杉矶转，试图记住你周围的地理情况。
You forget it by the time you've walked through the front door.
当你走进前门时，你就会忘记它。
You smoke a cigarette in the parking lot behind your apartment.
您在公寓后面的停车场抽烟。
You scroll on Instagram.
你在 Instagram 上滚动。
You swipe on dating apps.
你在约会应用上滑动。
I'm going to record myself on Tinder because that is what I have been doing lately.
我将在 Tinder 上录制自己的录音，因为这就是我最近一直在做的事情。
You can't say exactly what you're looking for.
你无法确切地说出你在寻找什么。
It's easier to say what you are not.
说出你不是什么更容易。
Bio says, hiking, comma, gym, 5'9, 1,000 miles away.
Bio 说，远足、逗号、健身房、5'9、1,000 英里远。
No. No. Meh, little vanilla.
不，不，嗯，小香草。
No. No. No.
不，不，不。
You don't want to date an artist-- too earnest.
你不想和一个艺术家约会——太认真了。
You don't want to date a banker or a real estate agent.
你不想和银行家或房地产经纪人约会。
And frankly, bankers and real estate agents don't really want to date you either.
坦率地说，银行家和房地产经纪人也不想和你约会。
Your teeth are slightly crooked.
你的牙齿有点歪。
You have never in your adult life seen your abs without yanking the pouch down on your stomach.
在你的成年生活中，如果不把造口袋拉到肚子上，你就永远不会看到你的腹肌。
Also, you're bad with money.
还有，你对钱的态度很差劲。
His job is entrepreneur, which, what the fuck is an entrepreneur?
他的工作是企业家，这、什么是企业家？
I'm going to say no.
我要说不。
No athletes.
没有运动员。
You smoke and drink and do drugs that keep you from waking up before sunrise.
你抽烟、喝酒、吸毒，这让你无法在日出前醒来。
Patrick-- let's go on a hike and then eat what we just burned off.
帕特里克——我们去徒步旅行吧，然后吃我们刚刚烧掉的东西。
No. This person was like, I love having fun.
不。这个人就像，我喜欢玩得开心。
Like, what?
比如，什么？
Who doesn't like having fun.
谁不喜欢玩得开心呢。
You don't want to date anyone who makes regular pilgrimage to Disneyland or feels affiliation with any of their characters or Harry Potter.
你不想和那些经常去迪士尼乐园朝圣或对他们的角色或哈利·波特有归属感的人约会。
This turns out to be particularly damning criteria in Los Angeles.
事实证明，这在洛杉矶是特别严厉的标准。
Ah, he plays golf with his friends.
啊，他和朋友们一起打高尔夫球。
Yeah, this is not going to work.
是的，这是行不通的。
Just a picture with no bad vibes today.
今天只是一张没有不良气氛的照片。
Text, over it.
文字，在上面。
No thank you.
不，谢谢。
No, he's a singer.
不，他是一名歌手。
No, thank you.
不，谢谢。
He looks like he's got big arms that he could wrap around you, but I'm going to say no.
他看起来有一双大手臂可以拥抱你，但我会说不。
OK, guys being dudes is the name of this one.
好吧，男人就是男人，这就是这个的名字。
Come get sandwiched between two men.
来吧，夹在两个男人中间。
No, thank you.
不，谢谢。
I mean, yes, but not with them.
我的意思是，是的，但不是和他们一起。
You don't want to date someone who only has white friends, but you're also afraid to date someone who is so connected to their cultural background that you feel like a white person in comparison with your unplaceable face, afro, and Gaelic name.
你不想和一个只有白人朋友的人约会，但你也害怕和一个与他们的文化背景联系如此紧密的人约会，以至于与你无可比拟的面孔、爆炸头和盖尔名字相比，你感觉自己像个白人。
Far leftist progressive.
极左进步派。
Oh, shit, OK, and hella cute.
哦，该死，好吧，而且非常可爱。
Oh, fuck.
哦，操。
This is the funniest part, too, is that you get all in your head about saying yes, saying no, and then they never swipe for you.
这也是最有趣的部分，就是你脑子里全是说“是”，说“不”，然后他们永远不会为你刷卡。
So it's sort of a useless exercise.
所以这是一种无用的练习。
The truth is you don't feel anything about meeting your father.
事实上，你对于见到你的父亲并没有任何感觉。
You know that in theory this is big.
你知道，理论上这很大。
You're about to meet someone who once meant something to you and now means something else.
你即将遇到一个曾经对你意义非凡的人，而现在却意义不同。
But you won't be sure what until he's in front of you.
但直到他出现在你面前之前，你无法确定会发生什么。
I don't know.
我不知道。
It's cool.
这很酷。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I don't know how I'm-- like, I mean, how do I feel about it?
我不知道我的感受如何？
It's hard to say, you know?
很难说，你知道吗？
Well, I love you guys, and I hope that you get what you need from it.
好吧，我爱你们，我希望你们能从中得到你们需要的东西。
And yeah, I'm glad you're doing it together.
是的，我很高兴你们一起做这件事。
You find an email address on the barber shop's website.
您在理发店的网站上找到了一个电子邮件地址。
You click into the always-open email tab on your computer and start a new message.
您单击计算机上始终打开的电子邮件选项卡并开始发送新消息。
Your first words to your birth father will forever be archived in your inbox between updates to your credit score, calendar reminders of work deadlines, and your lease renewal.
在信用评分更新、工作截止日期日历提醒和租约续签之间，您对亲生父亲说的第一句话将永远保存在您的收件箱中。
The cursor ticks an even measure on the blank draft.
光标在空白草稿上打勾。
This blank space must be filled with something specific.
这个空白必须用特定的东西来填充。
A particular alchemy must take place, a certain tone struck.
必须发生特定的炼金术，敲响特定的音调。
Whatever fills this space must be firm but not aggressive, humble but not shrinking.
填充这个空间的任何东西都必须坚定但不咄咄逼人，谦虚但不退缩。
Do you have any idea how to start?
您知道如何开始吗？
Sayre Quevedo How about, Hello.
Sayre Quevedo 怎么样，你好。
I know this is a bit out of the blue, but I'm sending this message on behalf of my brother and I.
我知道这有点出乎意料，但我是代表我和我的兄弟发送此消息。
We think you are our biological father.
我们认为你是我们的亲生父亲。
Start with that preface thing you're talking about.
从你正在谈论的前言开始。
We're not looking to get anything from you.
我们不想从你那里得到任何东西。
How about this?
这个怎么样？
I know this is a bit out of the blue, but I'm sending this message on behalf of my brother and I.
我知道这有点出乎意料，但我是代表我和我的兄弟发送此消息。
We think you are our biological father.
我们认为你是我们的亲生父亲。
We're not--
我们不是——
That sounds so formal and weird.
这听起来很正式而且很奇怪。
Sayre Quevedo We don't need anything from you.
Sayre Quevedo 我们不需要你提供任何东西。
We don't-- we're not asking for anything.
我们不——我们不要求任何东西。
Connor, please don't ruin this before we've even had the chance to meet him.
康纳，在我们有机会见到他之前，请不要破坏这一切。
Please.
请。
I won't.
我不会。
I won't.
我不会。
Yeah, it still sounds formal.
是的，听起来还是很正式。
It still sounds like what are you-- We'd love to talk, blah, blah, blah.
听起来仍然像你是什么——我们很乐意谈谈，等等，等等。
But it could be like, we think that you might be our biological father.
但也可能是，我们认为你可能是我们的亲生父亲。
Whatever.
任何。
We're really hoping that we could meet you and fill in the blank, something personal.
我们真诚地希望能够见到您并填补一些个人的空白。
Ready?
准备好？
3-- Connor Yeah.
3——康纳 是的。
Smash that motherfucking button.
按下那个该死的按钮。
Sorry.
对不起。
Yeah.
是的。
I'm ready.
我准备好了。
You can count down if you want.
如果你愿意的话，你可以倒计时。
Nice.
好的。
Now we wait.
现在我们等待。
Part Two: Part Two Ira Glass Our story continues after a break from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
第二部分：第二部分 Ira Glass 在芝加哥公共广播电台休息后，当我们的节目继续时，我们的故事仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
We are in the middle of excerpts from Sayre Quevedo's new series Reaching Out.
我们正在阅读 Sayre Quevedo 的新系列《伸出援手》的节选。
Let's pick up where we left off.
让我们从上次停下的地方继续。
You wait four days to hear back, but nothing.
你等了四天才收到回复，但什么也没有。
There's no way to know the message was received, that it didn't end up in his spam folder or that a coworker didn't delete it assuming it was a phishing scam.
没有办法知道该邮件是否已收到，是否最终进入了他的垃圾邮件文件夹，或者同事是否认为这是网络钓鱼诈骗而删除了该邮件。
But the notion of these possibilities is enough to convince you that it's worth reaching out once more.
但这些可能性的概念足以让您相信值得再次联系。
So you call the shop.
那你就给店里打电话吧。
Hi.
你好。
Sayre Quevedo He's in the bathroom, says the voice on the other end of the line.
Sayre Quevedo 他在浴室里，电话那头的声音说道。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Dude, it sounds-- it's like one of those things that could be true, but it also could be a really lame excuse, and it's hard to know.
伙计，听起来——这可能是真的，但也可能是一个非常蹩脚的借口，而且很难知道。
Yeah, I will.
是的，我会的。
You don't hear back, and you don't call back either.
你没有收到回音，你也没有回电。
You and Connor don't even discuss it.
你和康纳甚至没有讨论过。
It seems to go without saying that to reach out a third time with no response would be pathetic.
不言而喻，如果第三次联系却没有得到回应，那就太可悲了。
Sometimes in the weeks after, you find yourself driving past your father's shop.
有时在几周后，你会发现自己开车经过你父亲的商店。
You peer through the window, hoping to catch his face.
你透过窗户往外看，希望能看到他的脸。
It's not that it particularly matters to you.
这并不是说它对你特别重要。
You've just become habituated to looking for him.
你已经习惯了寻找他。
You've gone out alone again tonight.
今晚你又一个人出去了。
In the month since quarantine was lifted, this has become your weekend routine.
隔离解除后的一个月里，这已经成为你周末的例行公事。
You stay out at your neighborhood bar until close with your back to the wall and your eyes on the door.
你在附近的酒吧待到关门，背靠墙，眼睛盯着门。
You're waiting for someone to walk in who will change the course of your evening.
你正在等待有人走进来改变你的夜晚。
Hours pass like this, lost continents floating at the bottom of your pint glass.
几个小时就这样过去了，失落的大陆漂浮在你的品脱玻璃杯的底部。
At an interval of every hour, you ask the universe for a sign that it's time to go home.
每隔一小时，你就会向宇宙询问一个信号，表明该回家了。
But if it's sent, you are too busy watching the door to notice.
但如果它被发送了，你会忙着看门而没有注意到。
Last call is over.
最后一次通话结束了。
Now you're stumbling home, feeling bad for yourself, of course.
现在你跌跌撞撞地回家了，当然，你对自己感觉很糟糕。
Thought that-- stupidly thought that if I went to the nearby gay bar next to my house that I might meet someone, but no.
我以为——愚蠢地以为如果我去我家旁边的同性恋酒吧，我可能会遇到某个人，但没有。
You're on Santa Monica Boulevard now.
您现在位于圣莫尼卡大道。
The leather bar you visit on other nights, sometimes the same night, is to your left.
您在其他晚上（有时是同一晚）光顾的皮革酒吧就位于您的左侧。
You won't go in tonight.
今晚你不能进去。
You're already too drunk.
你已经喝得太醉了。
The circuit is your Bermuda Triangle, and somewhere along the vertices, you black out.
这条线路就是你的百慕大三角，沿着顶点的某个地方，你就黑了。
The only evidence of whoever is navigating your body is in these recordings.
谁在操纵你的身体的唯一证据就在这些录音中。
To attempt to intuit what bullshit you are referring to from this side of the veil is impossible.
试图从面纱的这一面凭直觉猜出你所指的是什么废话是不可能的。
Could be anything-- the bullshit of this age, this time, the bullshit of leaving your home only to find that the world is exactly as you left it but with more rules, more distance, more death and indifference.
可能是任何事情——这个时代的废话，这一次，离开家却发现世界和你离开时一模一样的废话，只是有更多的规则、更多的距离、更多的死亡和冷漠。
The bullshit of risking disease, waiting for someone to notice you at a bar.
冒着患病的风险，在酒吧等待有人注意到你，这真是胡说八道。
The bullshit of knowing that's a waste of time.
知道那是浪费时间。
The bullshit of wanting it anyway.
无论如何想要它都是废话。
The bullshit of steeling yourself against disappointment by expecting nothing, only to find yourself still disappointed when nothing is exactly what you receive.
通过对什么都没有期待来让自己抵御失望，结果却发现自己仍然感到失望，因为什么都不是你所收到的，这是胡说八道。
And then this, whatever this is.
然后这个，不管这个是什么。
I think I'm going to pee.
我想我要尿尿了。
Tomorrow's headache creeping in as you piss behind a tree-- same bullshit, your bullshit, followed by a bean burrito at 7-eleven.
当你在树后撒尿时，明天的头痛就会悄悄袭来——同样的废话，你的废话，然后在 7-11 点吃一份豆卷饼。
Connor and you know there is only one option left.
康纳和你知道只剩下一个选择了。
You have to go and meet your father in person.
你必须亲自去见你的父亲。
But you haven't talked much since calling your father's shop, and choosing a date is an overture in your conversation with no resolution.
但自从给你父亲的店里打电话之后，你们就没怎么说过话，而选择日期只是你们谈话中的一个序曲，没有任何解决方案。
I know because a bunch of things happened, which is why I was calling you about.
我知道，因为发生了很多事情，这就是我打电话给你的原因。
Anyway, fuck, dude.
无论如何，他妈的，伙计。
I'm really distracted.
我真的心烦意乱了。
I'm sorry.
对不起。
I know.
我知道。
Why did you call me while you were doing something else?
你为什么在做别的事的时候给我打电话？
Do you want to just--
你想只是——
You can tell?
你能看出来吗？
Sayre Quevedo Just tell me.
塞尔·克维多 告诉我吧。
Yeah, but just-- just-- finish one thing and then do the other.
是的，但是只是——只是——完成一件事，然后再做另一件事。
Finish one thing and then do the other.
完成一件事然后再做另一件事。
Don't do both at the same time.
不要同时做这两件事。
It's not my fault.
这不是我的错。
Sayre Quevedo It's not your fault, but don't call people while you're doing other things.
Sayre Quevedo 这不是你的错，但在你做其他事情时不要打电话给别人。
No, I want to talk.
不，我想谈谈。
I've been trying to get a date.
我一直在尝试去约会。
I've been trying to get a date from you for, like, the last two weeks, so just tell me.
过去两周我一直在尝试与你约会，所以请告诉我。
I know.
我知道。
Well, Sayre, it's really fucking hard with what I do for work.
好吧，Sayre，我的工作真的太难了。
I don't think you really understand that, and I don't blame you for it.
我认为你并没有真正理解这一点，我也不会因此责怪你。
It's just like there's an understanding of seasonal work that I don't think you get.
就像我认为你不了解季节性工作一样。
But it's really like-- you just kind of put your life on the line and really hope that you get work.
但这真的就像——你只是把自己的生命置于危险之中，并真心希望自己能找到工作。
I don't have as much freedom as you in some sense.
从某种意义上说，我没有你那么自由。
Like, I probably can't make it down at least until December, which I'm totally OK with doing if you want to.
就像，我可能至少要到十二月才能完成，如果你愿意的话，我完全可以接受。
But I also understand.
但我也明白。
I'm going to be-- I'm going to be out of town in December, so I can't do it then.
十二月我要出城，所以那时我不能这么做。
OK, well, do you want to do January?
好吧，你想一月吗？
Sayre Quevedo I mean, do you want to do it?
Sayre Quevedo 我的意思是，你想这么做吗？
I guess, like, that's the thing I want to figure out.
我想，这就是我想弄清楚的事情。
Do I want to?
我愿意吗？
Sayre Quevedo Yeah, I mean, do you want to do it?
Sayre Quevedo 是的，我是说，你想这么做吗？
I guess do we have to see him?
我想我们必须见他吗？
I don't know.
我不知道。
What are we going to do, like, go up to him and-- like, what are we going to get out of that, you know?
我们要做什么，比如，去找他——比如，我们能从中得到什么，你知道吗？
I don't know.
我不知道。
I mean, I just want to talk to him.
我的意思是，我只是想和他谈谈。
I want to meet him.
我想见见他。
I want to know.
我想知道。
I want to know his health problems.
我想知道他的健康问题。
I want to know his family's shit.
我想知道他家人的事
You know, I don't know, just basic things like that, see what he's like, if he's a dick, if he's cool, if he likes to party.
你知道，我不知道，只是一些基本的事情，看看他是什么样的，他是不是一个混蛋，他是否很酷，他是否喜欢聚会。
I don't know.
我不知道。
You don't know.
你不知道。
Definitely a story.
绝对是一个故事。
What do you want out of it?
你想从中得到什么？
Connor wants to meet your father on the most physical plane-- cash, genetics, ancestry.
康纳想在最物质的层面上见到你的父亲——金钱、基因、血统。
You're not sure what you want.
你不确定自己想要什么。
It's hard to say without knowing what you can ask for.
如果不知道你能要求什么，就很难说。
Yeah, I think that's OK, too.
是的，我也觉得这样还可以。
But, you know, I guess if you don't want to do it, I'm not going to do it either.
但是，你知道，我想如果你不想这样做，我也不会这样做。
I'll only do it if you want to do it.
只有你想做的话我才会做。
So I guess we'll both do it.
所以我想我们都会这么做。
Sayre Quevedo One day, you find yourself standing across the street from your birth father's shop.
Sayre Quevedo 有一天，您发现自己站在您亲生父亲的商店的街对面。
You don't intend to show up.
你并不打算出现。
It's as if you've come out of a trance.
就好像你从恍惚中醒来一样。
You look up and you're there.
你抬头一看，你就在那里。
The fall's high sun beats down on your shoulders as you stare through the window.
当你凝视窗外时，秋天的烈日照在你的肩膀上。
What was that like for you?
对你来说那是什么样的？
Sayre Quevedo You watch what you believe is your father's silhouette, his hands working over the client's head.
Sayre Quevedo 你看着你认为是你父亲的剪影，他的双手在客户的头上工作。
Four months since you emailed, four months since you called, and all you have to show for it is this impotent act.
自从你发邮件四个月以来，四个月以来你打电话以来，你所表现出的只是这种无能的行为。
And I felt sort of like you can't do shit to me, you know?
我觉得你不能对我做任何事，你知道吗？
And, like, you're not-- you can't affect me.
而且，就像，你不能影响我。
You can't stop me from being here, you know?
你不能阻止我来这里，知道吗？
And I guess maybe a little hurt, too, like the feeling of oh, wow, you're just, like, living-- continuing to live your life like you always have.
我想也许也有点受伤，就像那种感觉，哦，哇，你只是，就像，生活 - 继续像往常一样过你的生活。
Like I did think about the fact that we sent him an email, and gave him a call, and left our number, and that he's, like-- still gets to live his life like he's-- like nothing is different, you know?
就像我确实想到了这样一个事实：我们给他发了一封电子邮件，给他打了电话，留下了我们的电话号码，而他，仍然像他一样过着自己的生活，就像没有什么不同，你知道吗？
The reason language so often fails us, despite eons of development, is not that we fail to choose the right words or that others stopped short of hearing and then comprehending us, but that another, more honest meaning is forged between and apart from what we say in silence.
尽管经过了亿万年的发展，语言却经常让我们失望，并不是因为我们未能选择正确的词语，也不是因为其他人未能听到并理解我们，而是因为我们在沉默中所说的话之间形成了另一种更诚实的含义。
Silence, unlike language, cannot be improved upon.
与语言不同，沉默是无法改善的。
It has its own clarifying syntax.
它有自己的澄清语法。
It reveals what we are too afraid to put into words.
它揭示了我们不敢用语言表达的东西。
It is in these ellipses that our full intention and meaning are revealed.
正是在这些省略中，我们的全部意图和意义才得以揭示。
And perhaps it is our unwillingness to accept what silence declares where our suffering truly begins.
也许是我们不愿意接受沉默所宣告的痛苦真正开始的地方。
So you want to confront him.
所以你想和他对抗。
What is it that you want to-- what do you want to achieve with the confrontation?
你想要什么——你想通过对抗达到什么目的？
I just want him to know that we exist and that, yeah-- and that it hurts that he didn't acknowledge us, but also that we'll be fine without him.
我只是想让他知道我们的存在，是的，他不承认我们很让人伤心，但没有他我们也会过得很好。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I guess in a weird way I feel like I will be able to get over my issues.
我想以一种奇怪的方式我觉得我能够克服我的问题。
I feel like yeah-- I feel it's like I can finally move past that one thing, you know?
我觉得是的——我觉得我终于可以摆脱那件事了，你知道吗？
So do you think that's actually true?
那么你认为这是真的吗？
I mean, that makes perfect sense to me, sweetie, you know, that you would think that that would happen.
我的意思是，这对我来说是完全有道理的，亲爱的，你知道，你会认为那会发生。
You confront the thing that haunts you.
你面对困扰你的事情。
You tell it.
你告诉它。
You end it.
你结束吧。
But the question is, does it really end it?
但问题是，这真的结束了吗？
That's the question.
这就是问题所在。
Does it really end it?
真的就这样结束了吗？
You write your message on a blank sheet of printer paper torn in half.
您将消息写在一张撕成两半的空白打印纸上。
Of all of your attempted correspondences, this one is the most to the point-- name and intention.
在你尝试的所有信件中，这一封是最切中要害的——姓名和意图。
Why bother with anything else?
何必为别的事情烦恼呢？
Hi, you write.
你好，你写的。
We're your sons.
我们是你的儿子。
We've tried reaching out to you.
我们已尝试联系您。
We'd like to meet you.
我们很想认识你。
We've booked your 5 o'clock appointment.
我们已经为您预约了 5 点钟的约会。
We'll be waiting across the street in front of the café and would love to speak.
我们将在街对面的咖啡馆前等候，很乐意与您交谈。
Connor and Sayre.
康纳和塞尔。
How are you going to do that?
你打算怎么做？
Sayre Quevedo You have booked your birth father's last appointment of the day at his barber shop.
Sayre Quevedo 您已经为您的亲生父亲在他的理发店预约了当天的最后一次预约。
When he calls you up for your haircut, you'll hand him the note, telling him to meet you across the street.
当他打电话给你理发时，你会把纸条递给他，让他在街对面见你。
How are you going to do that?
你打算怎么做？
Sayre Quevedo Walk up to him and go, like, hi, we're your 5 o'clock.
Sayre Quevedo 走到他面前说，嗨，我们是你的 5 点钟方向。
I'm your 5 o'clock.
我是你的5点钟
One of us will have to do it.
我们中的一个人必须这样做。
I'm your 5 o'clock.
我是你的5点钟
Hand it to him, and then we'll walk out.
把它交给他，然后我们就出去。
Not at all.
一点也不。
Sayre Quevedo It's spring of 2022 in Los Angeles.
Sayre Quevedo 这是 2022 年春天的洛杉矶。
You are 29 years old.
你今年 29 岁。
It's been nearly a year since you first sent your email to your birth father asking to meet, nearly two years to the day since Connor first called you and asked to look for your birth father.
距离你第一次向你的亲生父亲发送电子邮件要求见面已经过去了将近一年，距离康纳第一次打电话给你并要求寻找你的亲生父亲也已经过去了将近两年。
Now your brother is here in front of you, hunched in front of the mirror, pulling his hair into two loose braids.
现在你的兄弟就在你面前，在镜子前弯着腰，把头发扎成两条松散的辫子。
Yeah, we should get going because we're going to need time to park and stuff, too.
是的，我们该出发了，因为我们也需要时间停车等等。
Are you ready, Connor?
你准备好了吗，康纳？
That he's going to be mean.
他会变得卑鄙。
Connor Yeah.
康纳 是的。
Well, he doesn't really have the right to be mean.
好吧，他确实没有权利卑鄙。
No, but I don't know.
不，但我不知道。
I mean, I have-- I mean, I feel defensive of you.
我的意思是，我有——我的意思是，我对你感到防备。
So if he was mean to us, I'd think about it as he's mean to you, where I'd care more, I guess.
所以，如果他对我们很刻薄，我会认为他对你很刻薄，我想我会更在乎。
That's mostly what-- I'm afraid of him being mean to you, too.
主要是这样——我担心他对你也很刻薄。
I don't really care what he says to me.
我真的不在乎他对我说什么。
I don't want him to hurt you.
我不想让他伤害你。
Same here.
同样在这里。
Sayre Quevedo You pull down the driveway and onto the mile that separates you from your birth father.
Sayre Quevedo 你把车开下车道，开到将你和你的亲生父亲分开的一英里处。
This street is ordinary to you now.
这条街现在对你来说很平常。
In the nearly two years you have lived here, you have driven it hundreds of times, walked it drunk, sweaty, in the rain.
在你住在这里的近两年里，你驾驶它数百次，在雨中醉醺醺地、大汗淋漓地走过它。
You've kissed strangers on the street at midnight, mouth full of ash.
你曾在半夜在街上亲吻过陌生人，嘴里满是灰烬。
Time widens the aperture.
时间扩大了光圈。
Certain features pass flat against the windshield as you drive.
当您开车时，某些特征会平贴在挡风玻璃上。
Others stay inexplicably in the fore-- the laundromat that you went to the day you arrived here, the bar with the barnhouse facade, which you will never step inside of the entire time you live in Los Angeles, the white house with busts lined across the roof and a headless angel in the yard, the psychic's front porch.
其他的则莫名其妙地留在最前面——你到达这里的那天去的自助洗衣店，带有谷仓外墙的酒吧，你在洛杉矶生活的整个时间都永远不会踏进它的内部，屋顶上排列着半身像的白宫，院子里有一个无头天使，通灵者的前廊。
OK.
好的。
Connor Ah.
康纳啊。
OK, well, we're outside of it.
好吧，我们已经在外面了。
Hmm.
唔。
This somehow got so much harder now that we're here.
既然我们在这里，这不知何故变得更加困难。
You are now 20 minutes early, which gives Connor time to reconsider the plan entirely.
你现在提前了 20 分钟，这让康纳有时间完全重新考虑该计划。
Do you think we should try-- I know you plan on doing the note, but do you think that we should call him?
你认为我们应该尝试——我知道你打算做这份笔记，但你认为我们应该给他打电话吗？
Yeah, but we already tried calling.
是的，但我们已经尝试打电话了。
Connor But we call his barbershop and be like, hey, I've got an appointment for him at 5 o'clock.
康纳：但是我们打电话给他的理发店，说，嘿，我已经预约了他 5 点钟的时间。
He'll say, yeah, sure, let me check.
他会说，是的，当然，让我检查一下。
I don't know.
我不知道。
I'm OK with doing that.
我同意这样做。
I've always wanted to say fuck you to dad.
我一直想对爸爸说操你妈的。
Do you want to go in together?
你想一起进去吗？
Would that make you feel better about it?
这会让你感觉好一点吗？
I mean, if you want to, I'm down.
我的意思是，如果你愿意的话，我就失望了。
Connor I want him to look at us in the case that he decides that he doesn't want to deal with it, so that he can at least do it once if he decides to avoid conversation with us, at least going in there and him seeing our face.
康纳：我希望他在决定不想处理这件事的情况下看着我们，这样，如果他决定避免与我们交谈，他至少可以这样做一次，至少走进去，让他看到我们的脸。
I can be like, hey, I'm here, and I see you.
我可以说，嘿，我在这里，我看到你了。
The first words your birth father ever says to you-- do you have an appointment?
你的亲生父亲对你说的第一句话——你有约会吗？
Yeah, 5:00.
是的，5:00。
You sit down and wait your turn.
你坐下来等待轮到你。
You can barely get yourself to look up at him.
你几乎无法让自己抬头看他。
You fix your eyes first on the wine-colored tiles, then the client's sneakers slack against the footrest, the shapeless, oversized black barber's tarp, then your father's hands as he trims stray hairs, chatting easily over the jazz music playing softly over the speakers.
你的目光首先注视着酒红色的瓷砖，然后是客户松弛地靠在脚凳上的运动鞋、无形的、超大的黑色理发师的防水布，然后是你父亲修剪零散头发时的双手，在扬声器中轻柔播放的爵士音乐中轻松地聊天。
The walls are lined with framed photographs of what you assume were once famous Hollywood actors whose faces you do not recognize and names you do not know.
墙上挂满了镶框照片，照片中的照片你可能以为是曾经著名的好莱坞演员，但他们的面孔你不认识，名字你也不知道。
In the corner, a magazine rack full of vintage Playboy magazines.
角落里的杂志架上摆满了老式的《花花公子》杂志。
Your birth father brushes clean his client's forehead and nape with a blond duster brush, says goodbye cheerily.
你的亲生父亲用金色掸子刷干净客户的额头和颈背，然后愉快地说再见。
He glances over at you and Connor and then calmly walks to the back door of the shop.
他看了你和康纳一眼，然后平静地走到商店的后门。
He disappears for five seconds, then 10, then 15.
他消失了 5 秒，然后是 10 秒，然后是 15 秒。
He returns with a broom and slowly, methodically sweeps the hair into a dustbin and then the trash.
他拿着扫帚回来，慢慢地、有条不紊地把头发扫进垃圾箱，然后扔进垃圾桶。
You imagine everything leading up to this moment from his point of view.
你从他的角度想象这一刻之前的一切。
Today he woke up, probably had a coffee, kissed his wife goodbye, drove to work, attended to some regulars, made small talk about the relief of 70-degree weather or the impending invasion of Ukraine as he lined up their beards and hairlines-- took a quick lunch break, scrolled on Facebook on his phone.
今天他醒来，可能喝了杯咖啡，吻别了妻子，开车去上班，照顾了一些常客，一边整理他们的胡须和发际线，一边闲聊70华氏度天气的缓解或即将到来的乌克兰入侵——短暂午休，用手机刷脸书。
Ten minutes ago, he probably looked up at the clock, saw two young guys walk in, and felt a wave of relief, the last customers.
十分钟前，他大概抬头一看时钟，看到两个年轻人走进来，心里松了口气，最后的顾客了。
As he finished sweeping the hair into a bin, he was probably hit with the feeling of relaxation that comes with knowing that the day is nearly done.
当他把头发扫进垃圾桶时，他可能会因为知道这一天即将结束而感到放松。
Now he calls those boys up to the chair.
现在他把那些男孩叫到椅子上。
One of them, the curly-haired one who can barely look him in the eye, pulls a note from his pocket and hands it to him.
其中一个卷发的人几乎不敢直视他的眼睛，从口袋里掏出一张纸条递给他。
His name is written on the front, and both boys walk out wordlessly.
他的名字写在前面，两个男孩一言不发地走了出去。
And now, what has been up until this moment a very ordinary day, has become a monumental one in just a few seconds.
而现在，直到这一刻为止还很平常的一天，在短短几秒钟内就变成了具有纪念意义的一天。
Part Three: Part Three Ira Glass So what you just heard was made of excerpts from the first three episodes of Reaching Out.
第三部分：第三部分 Ira Glass 所以你刚才听到的是《伸出援手》前三集的摘录。
The podcast comes from Futuro and KCRW.
该播客来自 Futuro 和 KCRW。
We are right now leaving off the story in the middle of episode 3, and I really encourage you to go hear what is about to happen.
我们现在在第三集中间结束这个故事，我真的鼓励你去听听即将发生的事情。
Some big, big turns are right ahead.
一些重大的转折就在前方。
It's very satisfying.
这是非常令人满意的。
Then, episode 4 comes out later this week, and you can actually listen to all six episodes right now if you subscribe to Futuro Plus.
然后，第 4 集将于本周晚些时候推出，如果您订阅 Futuro Plus，您现在就可以收听所有六集。
And if you dive in that way, maybe go back to episodes 1 and 2.
如果你以这种方式潜水，也许可以回到第一集和第二集。
They contain stuff you have not heard in our excerpts today.
它们包含您在今天的摘录中没有听说过的内容。
Reaching Out is produced, written, and sound-designed by Sayre Quevedo, editing by Maria Garcia.
《Reaching Out》由 Sayre Quevedo 制作、编剧和声音设计，Maria Garcia 剪辑。
Original music by Lucy Little, mixed by Stephanie Lebow.
原创音乐由露西·利特尔 (Lucy Little) 创作，由斯蒂芬妮·勒博 (Stephanie Lebow) 混音。
Executive produced by Maria Garcia and Marlon Bishop.
由玛丽亚·加西亚和马龙·毕肖普担任执行制片。
The people who put our show together today include Nadia Reiman, who produced this episode, Adriene Lilly, Tobin Low, Andrea Marks, Stowe Nelson, Ruthie Petitto, Anthony Roman, Ruby Schwartz, Lilly Sullivan, Frances Swanson, Christopher Swetala, Julie Whitaker, and Diane Wu.
今天制作我们节目的人员包括本集制作人 Nadia Reiman、Adriene Lilly、Tobin Low、Andrea Marks、Stowe Nelson、Ruthie Petitto、Anthony Roman、Ruby Schwartz、Lilly Sullivan、Frances Swanson、Christopher Swetala、Julie Whitaker 和 Diane Wu。
Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurrahman.
我们的总编辑是萨拉·阿卜杜拉赫曼 (Sarah Abdurrahman)。
Our senior editors are David Kestenbaum and Nancy Updike.
我们的高级编辑是 David Kestenbaum 和 Nancy Updike。
Our executive editor is Emanuele Berry.
我们的执行编辑是 Emanuele Berry。
And just one last reminder that we are doing a live show this Friday, coming right up October 9, and we are going to be live streaming this for all of This American Life partners.
最后提醒一下，我们将在本周五进行一场现场表演，将于 10 月 9 日开始，我们将为《This American Life》的所有合作伙伴进行现场直播。
You have to be a Life Partner to see this that night.
你必须是终身伴侣才能在那天晚上看到这一点。
I will be telling stories on stage, and then this group of amazing comedians, convened by the very funny Vic Michaelis, are going to improvise scenes based on the stories.
我将在舞台上讲故事，然后由非常有趣的维克·米凯利斯（Vic Michaelis）召集的这群出色的喜剧演员将根据故事即兴创作场景。
We did this once before.
我们以前做过一次。
It was really, I have to say, completely incredible.
我不得不说，这真的是完全令人难以置信。
It was so fun.
太有趣了。
If you want to watch this live, sign up right now.
如果您想观看直播，请立即注册。
Do not delay.
不要拖延。
Do not miss this show.
不要错过这个节目。
It's coming right up on Friday.
周五马上就要到了。
You can do this at ThisAmericanLife.org/lifepartners.
您可以通过 ThisAmericanLife.org/lifepartners 进行此操作。
When you do that, you'll also get access to all of our bonus episodes.
当您这样做时，您还可以访问我们所有的奖励剧集。
You'll get ad-free listening.
您将获得无广告干扰的聆听体验。
You get all kinds of other stuff.
你会得到各种各样的其他东西。
And, of course, don't just do this out of selfishness and what you get.
当然，不要仅仅出于自私和你所得到的而这样做。
Hopefully some part of you will take pleasure in supporting what we are doing here by helping us fund it each week.
希望你们中的某些人会乐于支持我们在这里所做的事情，每周帮助我们资助它。
Again, ThisAmericanLife.org/lifepartners-- do it before Friday to get access to the show.
再次强调，ThisAmericanLife.org/lifepartners——在周五之前完成即可观看该节目。
That link is also in the show notes.
该链接也在节目注释中。
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange.
《美国生活》由公共广播电台 PRX 向公共广播电台播出。
Thanks, as always, our program's co-founder, Mr. Torey Malatia.
一如既往地感谢我们项目的联合创始人 Torey Malatia 先生。
You know, whenever he returns from lunch, this is what he says to me.
你知道，每当他吃完午饭回来时，他都会对我说这些。
I don't know what to make of it.
我不知道该怎么办。
I'm back.
我回来了。
Your mommy's back.
你妈妈回来了。
Ira Glass Thanks, I guess?
艾拉·格拉斯 谢谢，我猜？
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。