295: Not What I Signed Up For - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #295 | September 29, 2006 295: Not What I Signed Up For Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 295 集 | 2006 年 9 月 29 日 295：不是我注册的 注意：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass It's This American Life from WBEZ Chicago, distributed by Public Radio International.
序言 Ira Glass 《这就是美国生活》，来自芝加哥 WBEZ，由国际公共广播电台发行。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
OK, the first thing you need to know is that the nuns came to Todd.
好吧，你需要知道的第一件事是修女们来找托德了。
Todd did not go to the nuns.
托德没有去找修女。
His wife worked with these nuns at a Catholic charity.
他的妻子在一家天主教慈善机构与这些修女一起工作。
The Todd in the story actually is Todd Bachmann, who works on our radio show.
故事中的托德实际上是托德·巴赫曼，他在我们的广播节目中工作。
He's our production manager, which means that he sees the bills get paid and that the equipment works and everything runs smoothly.
他是我们的生产经理，这意味着他看到账单得到支付，设备正常运转，一切顺利进行。
Anyway, a couple years ago, these nuns that his wife worked with asked him to help out with this big black-tie charity event that they were throwing, this annual event.
无论如何，几年前，与他妻子一起工作的这些修女请他帮忙举办他们举办的大型黑领结慈善活动，这是一年一度的活动。
Donors pay a lot of money.
捐助者付出了很多钱。
There's a meal in a big hotel ballroom.
在一家大酒店宴会厅吃饭。
And at some point during this thing, there's a presentation on stage about what the charity does.
在这件事的某个时刻，舞台上会有一个关于慈善机构所做工作的演示。
That's the part that the nuns wanted Todd to work on.
这就是修女们希望托德完成的部分。
One of the nuns actually asked him to direct this part of it.
其中一位修女实际上请他导演了这一部分。
And I remember I just had all these delusions of grandeur.
我记得我只是产生了所有这些宏伟的幻想。
I was so passionate about it and so ready.
我对此充满热情并且做好了准备。
And I just had it in my mind where these people in their tuxedos, they're at this event, and maybe there'd be some activity like chinking of the silverware and some hushed, mild conversation that's like almost whispering.
我脑海里浮现出这些穿着燕尾服的人参加这个活动，也许会有一些活动，比如银器的叮当作响，还有一些安静、温和的谈话，几乎就像窃窃私语。
And then my work turns on, and then pow!
然后我的工作开始了，然后就噗通了！
Silence.
沉默。
People actually listen.
人们确实在听。
And they're moved.
他们很感动。
Like, yeah, this is totally what I can do.
就像，是的，这完全是我能做的。
In previous years of this event, for the presentation part of it the nuns had some of the people who the charity had helped-- elderly people and young mothers-- come up onto the stage and read these little essays.
在前几年的活动中，修女们在演讲部分邀请了慈善机构帮助过的一些人——老年人和年轻母亲——上台朗读这些小文章。
And apparently, it felt a lot like school.
显然，这感觉很像学校。
You know, they got real nervous.
你知道，他们真的很紧张。
It just felt like class somehow.
不知怎的，感觉就像上课一样。
And Todd thought that he could do better.
托德认为他可以做得更好。
He had a vision.
他有一个愿景。
He had a vision, I'm telling you.
我告诉你，他有远见。
He had just started working at our radio show at the time, and he thought, OK, you know he could do?
当时他刚刚开始在我们的广播节目工作，他想，好吧，你知道他能做什么？
He could interview these people on tape and then choose a couple of really, really great moments and play those to the crowd.
他可以在磁带上采访这些人，然后选择几个非常非常精彩的时刻并向观众播放。
And then people would come on up and take a bow or something.
然后人们就会上前鞠躬什么的。
And on the tape, they would sound all relaxed and natural, and it would totally get to people.
在磁带上，他们听起来轻松自然，完全能打动人们。
Maybe they'd even make more money out of it this way.
也许他们甚至可以通过这种方式赚更多的钱。
And the sister in charge of the whole thing agreed with all of his ideas.
而负责这件事的姐姐也完全同意他的想法。
But as the event got nearer, something strange slowly became clear.
但随着事件的临近，一些奇怪的事情慢慢变得清晰起来。
She kept on really overemphasizing, "well, you're the director.
她一直在强调，“好吧，你是导演。
So whatever you say, you're the director."
所以无论你说什么，你都是导演。”
And what was funny about it is she never told me.
有趣的是她从来没有告诉过我。
It was so deft of her because she never clearly said, "no, no, no-- we're never going to do your idea." It was kind of like always hinted, like, "yeah, yeah, yeah-- we'll get to it.
她的做法非常巧妙，因为她从来没有明确地说：“不，不，不——我们永远不会按照你的想法去做。”这有点像总是暗示，“是的，是的，是的——我们会做到的。
We'll get to it."
我们会解决它的。”
But they never did get to it.
但他们从未做到这一点。
And finally, after weeks and weeks of meetings, at the rehearsal, Todd's responsibility at the event were finally made clear to him, and they were not at all what he expected.
最后，经过几周又几周的会议，在排练时，托德终于明确了自己在这次活动中的责任，而这根本不是他所期望的。
It came down to there was a CD player, and she wanted me to just hit play on this CD song, which was 'Thank You," by Natalie Merchant.
归根结底，那里有一个 CD 播放器，她希望我播放这首 CD 歌曲，即 Natalie Merchant 的《谢谢你》。
You got played by a nun.
你被一个修女玩弄了。
Todd Bachmann I got played by a nun.
托德·巴赫曼 我被一个修女玩弄了。
Here I thought that she actually wanted my input, and I remember being really frustrated and conflicted because I was really mad at this nun.
在这里，我认为她实际上想要我的意见，我记得我真的很沮丧和矛盾，因为我真的很生这个修女的气。
And I just felt really guilty for being mad at this nun.
我对生这个修女的气感到非常内疚。
And so I just felt really petty.
所以我觉得自己真的很渺小。
I just think that if you can be used by a nun, man, you can be used by anybody.
我只是认为，如果你可以被修女利用，那么男人，你就可以被任何人利用。
Yeah, exactly.
是的，完全正确。
I was coddled, like massaged, like, director, director.
我被宠坏了，就像按摩一样，就像导演，导演。
[MUSIC - "THANK YOU" BY NATALIE MERCHANT]
[音乐 - NATALIE MERCHANT 的《谢谢你》]
There's a whole of experiences like this.
诸如此类的经历还有很多。
You're asked to do something, you think it's go one way, it turns out to be something completely different, and then you're stuck.
你被要求做某事，你认为它是单向的，结果却是完全不同的事情，然后你就陷入了困境。
You can't do anything about it.
你对此无能为力。
It's too late to quit.
放弃已经太晚了。
It's too late to get out of it.
想要摆脱它已经太晚了。
This can happen to you at work.
这可能会发生在你的工作中。
It can happen to you with friends.
这可能会发生在你和朋友之间。
It can happen on a plane.
它可能发生在飞机上。
It can happen on a train.
它可能发生在火车上。
It could happen on a run.
这可能发生在跑步时。
It can be caused by a nun.
它可能是由修女引起的。
Today on our program we hear two rather dramatic examples of this phenomenon.
今天在我们的节目中，我们听到了这种现象的两个相当戏剧性的例子。
Our program today, Not What I Signed Up For.
我们今天的节目，不是我报名的。
Act One of our program, The Double Whammy, a story of someone who gets into two situations where things work out very differently than she thought they would.
我们节目的第一幕《双重打击》讲述了一个人陷入两种情况的故事，事情的发展与她想象的截然不同。
One of those situations with the president of the United States.
美国总统的情况之一。
Act Two, Small Fish, Smaller Pond.
第二幕，小鱼，小池塘。
We have a story by Nick Hornby.
我们有一个尼克·霍恩比的故事。
Stay with us, and we will thank you.
留在我们身边，我们会感谢您。
[MUSIC - "THANK YOU" BY NATALIE MERCHANT]
[音乐 - NATALIE MERCHANT 的《谢谢你》]
Act One.
第一幕。
This story is one of those stories that starts off as a tragedy and ends up not exactly as a comedy, but it's one of those things where it just sort of sits there, you know, halfway between tragedy and comedy.
这个故事是那些以悲剧开始，最终不完全是喜剧的故事之一，但它是那种介于悲剧和喜剧之间的故事之一。
It starts sad.
它开始悲伤。
Marian Fontana.
玛丽安·丰塔纳.
Her husband was a firefighter.
她的丈夫是一名消防员。
He dies at the World Trade Center.
他在世贸中心去世。
And then after 9/11, she finds herself embroiled in a series of political fights with the city.
9/11 事件发生后，她发现自己卷入了一系列与这座城市的政治斗争。
The first one is to see that her husband's firehouse isn't shut down by the city.
第一个是确保她丈夫的消防站没有被市政府关闭。
And then it goes on to how the cleanup is going on at the ground zero site.
然后继续介绍归零地的清理工作是如何进行的。
And in the course of this she starts an organization with some of the firefighters' widows.
在此过程中，她与一些消防员的遗孀成立了一个组织。
And she talks a lot to the press.
她对媒体说了很多话。
She talked about these issues.
她谈到了这些问题。
She talked about the conditions that firefighters were working under when the World Trade Center attack happened.
她谈到了世贸中心袭击事件发生时消防员的工作条件。
Her husband was earning less than $26,000 a year.
她丈夫的年收入不到 26,000 美元。
Anyway, so she's getting maybe 100 calls a day from all kinds of press.
无论如何，她每天大约会接到 100 个来自各种媒体的电话。
From Polish TV to Newark Radio.
从波兰电视台到纽瓦克广播电台。
And she had to choose.
她必须做出选择。
My criteria for doing media was that I needed to be able to talk about the organization and the site recovery.
我做媒体的标准是我需要能够谈论组织和站点恢复。
And that's really all I want to speak to.
这就是我想说的。
I didn't want to go on any tabloids or talk shows or anything like that.
我不想上任何小报或脱口秀或类似的东西。
Did you find yourself in the situation, though, where in order to actually get out the message that you wanted to get out that you would be doing shows and would be giving interviews where a part of the interview would be, "well, tell us your sad story," and then another part would be, "OK, so now, what are you here to talk about?"
不过，你是否发现自己处于这样的情况，为了真正传达出你想要传达的信息，你会做节目并接受采访，采访的一部分是，“好吧，告诉我们你悲伤的故事，”然后另一部分是，“好吧，那么现在，你在这里谈论什么？”
Yes, yes.
是的，是的。
In fact, almost all of them do that.
事实上，几乎所有人都这样做。
Because a lot of them were focused on the fact that my husband died on our anniversary.
因为他们中的很多人都关注我丈夫在我们周年纪念日去世的事实。
It was our eighth wedding anniversary, and they wanted to kind of give them a blow by blow of the day and how-- and I could understand that.
这是我们结婚八周年纪念日，他们想给他们一天的打击，以及如何——我可以理解这一点。
I mean, it's human nature, I think, to want to know what happened.
我的意思是，我认为想知道发生了什么是人的本性。
But I can understand why an interviewer would want to hear that, as well.
但我也能理解为什么面试官也想听这个。
Another firefighter's wife, who was a PR person, helped her field the 100 press calls a day and figure out which interviews to do.
另一位消防员的妻子是一名公关人员，她帮助她每天接听 100 个媒体电话，并确定要接受哪些采访。
Which leads us to this story, about a time when Marian ended up in a very different situation than she thought she was signing up for.
这让我们想到了这个故事，讲述的是玛丽安最终陷入了与她想象中的情况截然不同的情况。
I was usually running on the cell phone from one place to the next, and that's when my PR person called and told me that there was a news show that I had never heard of called E-Online, and would I want to go on that and speak about the organization.
我通常用手机从一个地方跑到另一个地方，就在那时，我的公关人员打电话告诉我，有一个我从未听说过的新闻节目，叫做 E-Online，我想继续谈论这个组织吗？
And I said, "sure," not knowing what it was.
我说，“当然”，但不知道那是什么。
And what did you understand about E-Online?
您对E-Online 有何了解？
At the time, I just figured it was some kind of web news thing that I didn't know about, not being very computer savvy, and that they'd get their little byte about what I do and that would be it.
当时，我只是认为这是某种我不知道的网络新闻，我不太懂计算机，他们会了解我所做的事情，仅此而已。
And whenever I did these news shows, there would be a tiny little green room and a tiny little makeup room.
每当我做这些新闻节目时，都会有一个小小的演员休息室和一个小小的化妆间。
You know, the new shows are all five minute interviews.
要知道，新节目都是五分钟采访。
You're brought into sometimes the newsroom itself, and they sit you in a chair and you talk to a camera, you never talk to a person.
有时你会被带进新闻编辑室，他们让你坐在椅子上，你对着镜头说话，你从不和人说话。
So I was very startled to arrive outside of these studios where there were about 100 Puerto Rican girls in down coats and giant earrings kind of lined up to go into the Fox studios.
所以，当我到达这些工作室外面时，我感到非常惊讶，那里有大约 100 个穿着羽绒服、戴着巨型耳环的波多黎各女孩排着队，准备进入福克斯工作室。
And I figured, "oh, they're probably going to see Ricki Lake or something." And then got ushered into this back room, and there was a huge maze of doors, and we stopped at this door that had my name on it.
我想，“哦，他们可能会去看瑞奇·莱克什么的。”然后被带进这个后面的房间，里面有一个巨大的迷宫般的门，我们停在了这扇写着我名字的门前。
And that was in itself kind of startling and not protocol for what I was used to.
这本身就令人震惊，而且不符合我习惯的规矩。
I opened the door and there was a fruit basket and a phone and makeup mirrors.
我打开门，里面有一个水果篮、一部电话和化妆镜。
And I went, "my, my, my-- what is this?" And they said, "make yourself comfortable.
我说：“天哪，天哪，天哪——这是什么？”他们说：“让自己舒服点。
We'll come in and get you into makeup."
我们会进来给你化妆。”
And I said, "OK." so I started making phone calls.
我说：“好吧。”所以我开始打电话。
I was supposed to be at an Eliot Spitzer meeting, and I was missing it.
我本来应该参加艾略特·斯皮策的会议，但我错过了。
Right.
对。
We were dealing with the victim's comp issue at the time.
当时我们正在处理受害者的赔偿问题。
And so next thing you know, I'm being ushered into the hallway.
接下来你知道的，我被带进走廊。
And I start to hear the audience, and they're going "whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo." Like the Arsenio Hall Show used to do.
我开始听到观众的声音，他们会发出“呼、呼、呼、呼、呼、呼”的声音。就像阿森尼奥大厅秀过去那样。
And then I really started to get worried.
然后我真的开始担心了。
I said, "what is this?" I said, "what is going on?"
我说：“这是什么？”我说：“这是怎么回事？”
What is E-Online?
什么是电子在线？
Marian Fontana Well, I misunderstood.
玛丽安·丰塔纳 嗯，我误会了。
It was the Iyanla show.
这是 Iyanla 表演。
They walked us from the back across the stage, and I saw these big giant letters spelling Iyanla.
他们从后面带我们穿过舞台，我看到这些巨大的字母拼写着 Iyanla。
I Y A N L A.
I Y A N L A.
I quickly realized I was definitely in the wrong place, or completely misunderstood what the show was about.
我很快意识到我肯定是来错地方了，或者完全误解了节目的内容。
And so I leaned over to the [UNINTELLIGIBLE] woman next to me, and I said, "what is this?" And she said, "oh, it's Iyanla." She's like, "the late-night Oprah." And I said, "oh, oh, OK." And I'm trying to turn to the other woman on the other side of me and find out more when they ushered us to be quiet.
于是我向我旁边的[无法辨认]女人倾身，然后我说：“这是什么？”她说：“哦，这是伊扬拉。”她就像“深夜奥普拉”。我说：“哦，哦，好吧。”当她们让我们安静下来时，我试图转向我另一边的另一个女人，了解更多信息。
And they did a countdown, and the cameras rolled.
他们倒计时，摄像机开始转动。
And out comes this very pretty African American woman with tightly cropped hair.
这位非常漂亮的非洲裔美国女性出现了，她的头发剪得很短。
How's everybody?
大家都好吗？
Television Studio Audience [AS A GROUP] Good!
电视演播室观众[作为一个团体] 好！
Good!
好！
I know you!
我认识你！
Don't I look gorgeous?
我看起来不漂亮吗？
Tell the truth.
说实话。
She's like, "today's show is about people who've been to hell and back." And I said, "oh, OK.
她说，“今天的节目是关于那些去过地狱又回来的人的。”我说：“哦，好吧。
This is going to be interesting."
这会很有趣。”
And you know, this was in December.
你知道，那是十二月。
And they had just found my husband, actually, on December 6.
实际上，他们是在 12 月 6 日才找到我丈夫的。
And so I had just had a funeral for him, I had just had a burial.
所以我刚刚为他举行了葬礼，我刚刚举行了葬礼。
And you know, I was really not back from hell, clearly.
你知道，我显然还没有从地狱回来。
Today you're going to meet people who, when they were backed up against the wall, hmph!
今天你会遇到一些人，当他们被逼到墙边时，哼！
They learned something about themselves.
他们了解了一些关于自己的事情。
And they've taken the scars and they've turn them into lessons, positive lessons.
他们把伤疤变成了教训，积极的教训。
And so I was kind of sitting there, and they brought up the short, very fit guy first.
所以我就坐在那里，他们首先提出了那个身材矮小、非常健康的家伙。
And they showed this the video that he had made that looked like the lens had been smeared in Vaseline, you know.
他们向大家展示了他制作的视频，看起来镜头上涂了凡士林，你知道。
And it was this sad music, and they showed a close-up of a liquor glass.
正是这种悲伤的音乐，他们展示了酒杯的特写。
And they said, "Tim had a happy life until he fell into drugs and alcohol and was arrested for drunk driving." And you know, the sad music plays.
他们说，“蒂姆原本过着幸福的生活，直到他吸毒、酗酒，并因酒后驾车被捕。”你知道，悲伤的音乐响起。
"But he turned himself around when he started to do triathlons, and then teach other kids the power of being physically active." And you know, everyone starts to be very moved.
“但当他开始参加铁人三项赛时，他改变了自己，然后教其他孩子锻炼身体的力量。”你知道，每个人都开始非常感动。
And the girls, the Puerto Rican girls behind me who were outside start crying, and they're all very touched by this video.
外面的女孩们，我身后的波多黎各女孩开始哭泣，她们都被这段视频感动了。
And then the lights come up and Iyanla introduced him about his role coaching teenagers.
然后灯光亮起，伊扬拉向他介绍了他在青少年教练中的角色。
I'm always so grateful that God is god of a second chance.
我总是很感激上帝给了我第二次机会。
Any moment can be the moment.
任何时刻都可以是时刻。
She was using all these platitudes.
她使用了所有这些陈词滥调。
I just remember her saying, "you know you hit rock bottom because God made the rock."
我只记得她说：“你知道你跌入谷底，因为上帝创造了岩石。”
When it's time, it's time.
该到的时候，就是时候了。
Marian Fontana There was an insincerity there.
玛丽安·丰塔纳 那里有一种不真诚的感觉。
I'm being inspired.
我正在受到启发。
Television Guest I used to sit and I'd think, "I want to do that someday.
电视嘉宾 我曾经坐下来想，“有一天我想这么做。
I think it's neat."
我认为这很整洁。”
Wow.
哇。
Ira Glass Did the thought occur to you, "I can just leave, I can walk out the door?"
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）你是否有过这样的想法：“我可以离开，我可以走出门？”
Well, we were sitting in the front row, and there were a lot of cameras on stage.
嗯，我们坐在前排，舞台上有很多摄像机。
And I guess we were [?
我想我们是[？
miked up.
拾音了。
And I kind of felt trapped.
我有点被困住了。
I really didn't feel like I was in a position to leave.
我真的不觉得自己有资格离开。
And I couldn't even talk.
我什至无法说话。
They kept silencing us and telling us, it's "quiet on the set."
他们一直让我们保持沉默并告诉我们，“片场很安静”。
We're back, and we're talking to people who've been to hell and back.
我们回来了，我们正在和那些经历过地狱又回来的人交谈。
Then we came back from commercial, and they brought up a very large woman with gray hair.
然后我们从广告中回来，他们带来了一个非常大的女人，头发花白。
And she also had a film.
她还有一部电影。
And she was from Boston, so she had this very thick Boston accent.
她来自波士顿，所以她有很浓的波士顿口音。
She's like, "Mark was a shy and beautiful boy."
她说，“马克是一个害羞而漂亮的男孩。”
But on Christmas Eve, 1997, my life as a wife and mother of three was tragically turned upside down when--
但在 1997 年的圣诞节前夕，我作为妻子和三个孩子的母亲的生活悲惨地发生了天翻地覆的变化——
It's all about her son and how he went next door, and there was a gun, and he accidentally shot himself.
都是关于她的儿子，以及他如何走到隔壁，那里有一把枪，他不小心开枪自杀了。
So instead of celebrating the holiday, we were faced with picking out a casket and planning our--
因此，我们没有庆祝节日，而是面临着挑选棺材并计划我们的——
It was very sad.
非常难过。
And they showed all these pictures.
他们展示了所有这些照片。
And, again, the girls were crying behind me.
女孩们再次在我身后哭泣。
And I was crying at this point, because it was just very sad.
我当时就哭了，因为这实在是太悲伤了。
And she's crying on stage.
她在台上哭了。
And Iyanla was sitting, and she's still making all these platitudes.
伊扬拉坐着，仍在说这些陈词滥调。
And the woman, the big African American woman next to me starts shaking and she's like, "oh, Lord, I'm so nervous.
那个女人，我旁边的非洲裔美国大女人开始颤抖，她说：“哦，主啊，我太紧张了。
I'm next, I'm next." And I'm about to ask her, "what did you do?" And they start with a video of how her son was killed, I guess eight years before, and was shot in front of her.
我是下一个，我是下一个。”我正要问她，“你做了什么？”他们从一段视频开始，讲述她儿子是如何被杀的，我猜是八年前，在她面前被枪杀。
And she "couldn't get over the death of her son.
她“无法从儿子的死中恢复过来。
And she started drinking, and she started smoking, and she gained 150 pounds."
她开始喝酒、抽烟，体重增加了 150 磅。”
And then she interviews her, and she's crying, and, again, everybody's crying.
然后她采访了她，她哭了，每个人都哭了。
And it's very sad, she can't get over her son.
令人非常难过的是，她无法忘记她的儿子。
And Iyanla starts saying, you know, "why can't you get over Earl?
伊扬拉开始说，你知道，“你为什么不能忘记厄尔？
You've got to get over, girl.
你必须克服，女孩。
You know you do, you know you do." And she's like, "I can't.
你知道你会，你知道你会。”她说，“我不能。
I see his face.
我看到他的脸。
I see his face in my dreams, and he used to call me shorty."
我在梦中看到他的脸，他以前叫我矮子。”
Say it now.
现在就说吧。
Tell him.
告诉他。
You've got to say goodbye.
你必须说再见了。
I just don't want to.
我只是不想。
Television Host Iyanla Well, you have to my darling.
电视主持人 Iyanla 好吧，亲爱的，你必须这么做。
You know, they're having this very intense interaction, and everyone's crying.
你知道，他们的互动非常激烈，每个人都在哭。
And then they cut to commercial, and she says, "when we come back, we have a 9/11 widow who's going to help Yvonne come back from hell." And that's when I really started to panic.
然后他们切入广告，她说，“当我们回来时，我们有一个 9/11 寡妇，她将帮助伊冯从地狱回来。”那是我真正开始恐慌的时候。
And you'll hear about her brave battle through the grief, and we'll talk about her road to recovery when we come back.
你会听到她勇敢地战胜悲伤的故事，当我们回来时我们会谈论她的康复之路。
And the bring me up into the chair across from Yvonne, who's crying.
他们把我带到伊冯对面的椅子上，她正在哭。
Oh, my.
哦，我的。
Marian Fontana You know, she's a mess.
玛丽安·丰塔纳 你知道，她一团糟。
She just can't stop sobbing.
她只是无法停止哭泣。
The makeup people are running out and trying to reapply her foundation.
化妆师已经跑完了，并试图重新涂抹她的粉底。
Oh, my.
哦，我的。
Marian Fontana Yeah.
玛丽安·丰塔纳 是的。
And I start trying to wave to the director, who is this kind of guy with a Caesar haircut.
我开始试着向导演挥手，他就是那种留着凯撒发型的人。
And him and Iyanla are going over cards, and I'm trying to get their attention, like, "excuse me, excuse me, I'm"-- you know.
他和 Iyanla 正在看牌，我试图引起他们的注意，就像，“对不起，对不起，我”——你知道。
And at that point, are you trying to plan out something to say to her?
那时，你是否想计划对她说些什么？
Yeah, I felt like, you know, what can I possibly say to this woman who lost her son?
是的，我觉得，你知道，我能对这个失去儿子的女人说什么呢？
And especially since I have a son.
尤其是因为我有一个儿子。
And next thing you know, we start, they go to silence and they countdown again.
接下来你知道，我们开始，他们陷入沉默，然后再次倒计时。
And she starts to introduce me as a 9/11 widow who started an organization, and her first question was, "Marian, what advice can you give to Yvonne?"
她开始向我介绍我是一位 9/11 寡妇，她创办了一个组织，她的第一个问题是，“玛丽安，你能给伊冯什么建议？”
And I completely froze.
我完全愣住了。
I was looking at her face, she looked so sad and heartbroken, and I was so sad and heartbroken that I just felt completely incapable of speaking.
我看着她的脸，她看起来那么悲伤，那么伤心，我也那么悲伤，那么伤心，我简直说不出话来。
I felt completely inept, and so I really fumbled.
我觉得自己完全无能，所以我真的很笨拙。
And I said well, um--
我说好吧，嗯——
I would just say reach out.
我只想说伸出援手。
Reach out to people who've gone through what you've gone through.
向那些经历过你所经历的事情的人伸出援手。
I know it's hard to, you know, you think it's always going to be sad, but we tell funny stories of staying up at night and obsessing.
我知道这很难，你知道，你认为这总是会悲伤，但我们会讲一些熬夜和沉迷的有趣故事。
And there's a lot of different ways to be with other-- and comiserating is just so healing.
与他人相处的方式有很多种——而同情就是如此治愈。
Well, let's call it group healing, not comiseratin'.
好吧，我们称之为团体疗愈，而不是同情。
You know, I could tell Iyanla was not happy with my response because she was flipping through her cards.
你知道，我看得出来伊扬拉对我的回答不满意，因为她正在翻阅她的卡片。
And she actually stopped for a second when we went off air, and said, "I just don't know if I'm really clear on what I'm supposed to be doing here." And she's like, "well, I just want you to give her some advice." And I was like, "OK."
当我们停播时，她实际上停了下来，说道：“我只是不知道我是否真的清楚我应该在这里做什么。”她说：“好吧，我只是想让你给她一些建议。”我当时想，“好吧。”
And they go back on and I said, "you know, I just think maybe being active or joining an organization or"-- you know, so it was really clearly uncomfortable.
他们反悔了，我说，“你知道，我只是想也许要积极活动或加入一个组织，或者”——你知道，所以这确实很不舒服。
And after a while, Iyanla just gave up on me and turned back to Yvonne and just said, "Yvonne, I'm going to give you an exercise," and made her start speaking to her as if she were Earl.
过了一会儿，伊扬拉放弃了我，转身对伊冯说：“伊冯，我要给你一个练习，”然后让她开始像伯爵一样对她说话。
Tell me what he would say to you.
告诉我他会对你说什么。
Right now.
现在。
I think he would say-- Television Host Iyanla No. Tsst.
我想他会说——电视主持人 Iyanla No. Tsst。
You say it, because you know what he would say.
你这么说，是因为你知道他会说什么。
"Shorty,"-- Television Guest Yvonne I think, I know, I know that he would say that he's in a better place.
“矮子”——电视嘉宾伊冯 我想，我知道，我知道他会说他处在一个更好的地方。
So, "Mama, shorty, I'm in a better place." What else?
所以，“妈妈，矮个子，我在一个更好的地方。”还有什么？
Take care of his baby girl.
照顾好他的宝贝女儿。
Television Host Iyanla "Mama, take care of my baby girl.
电视主持人 Iyanla “妈妈，照顾好我的宝贝女儿。
But most important, Mama, I want you to take care of yourself.
但最重要的是，妈妈，我希望你照顾好自己。
You know I don't like to see you like this.
你知道我不喜欢看到你这个样子。
If you know I'm in a better place, and if you know I'm watching, do it for me."
如果你知道我在一个更好的地方，如果你知道我在看着，那就为我做吧。”
I think the whole time I was in there, this show, To Hell and Back, just kept echoing in my head, going, I'm in hell right now.
我想我在那里的整个过程中，这部剧《地狱归来》一直在我的脑海中回响，我现在就在地狱里。
Right here, right now, watching this play itself out.
就在这里，此时此刻，看着这一切自行展开。
What's so crazy about that is you're saying you weren't sure what to say, but who would know what to say?
最疯狂的是你说你不知道该说什么，但谁知道该说什么？
It's a situation were, what can possibly be said to somebody, you know?
这是一种情况，可以对某人说些什么，你知道吗？
Yeah.
是的。
I really felt for this woman.
我真的很同情这个女人。
She was so heartbroken.
她是如此心碎。
And yeah, it's hard.
是的，这很难。
It's hard for people on both sides.
两边的人都很难受。
I've been on both ends of it.
我一直处于它的两端。
At my husband's wake there were 3,000 people who came up to me.
在我丈夫的守灵仪式上，有 3,000 人来找我。
And there is nothing to say, and people feel so uncomfortable because, "I'm sorry" is all we have really.
无话可说，人们感到很不舒服，因为“对不起”是我们真正拥有的一切。
And that is all we have to say about death.
这就是关于死亡我们要说的一切。
So I don't think there's anything better to say.
所以我觉得没什么好说的了。
You know, one of the things about this whole experience you had that's so strange is that somehow, like, if you think about the people who they were bringing up, like, there was the guy who was the alcoholic.
你知道，你所经历的整个经历中有一件事非常奇怪，那就是，如果你想想他们抚养长大的人，就会发现有一个人是酒鬼。
And then there was the woman who lost her son.
还有那个失去儿子的女人。
And then there's the woman who had had both things happen to her.
还有一个女人，这两件事都发生在她身上。
And then they bring you on as like, here's the very worst thing we can think of.
然后他们就会对你说，这是我们能想到的最糟糕的事情。
Yeah, I didn't even think of it that way.
是的，我什至没有那样想过。
Yeah.
是的。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
Like you're trumping all of these other tragedies because of 9/11, right?
就像您因为 9/11 而战胜了所有其他悲剧一样，对吗？
Right.
对。
Ira Glass And then you're going to be the expert who's going to step in and heal and solve the problem of the people who are sort of less expert than you because you've gone through something so much more intense than they could even understand somehow.
Ira Glass：然后你将成为专家，介入并治愈并解决那些比你不那么专业的人的问题，因为你经历的事情比他们甚至无法理解的事情要激烈得多。
Do you know what I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
Yeah, I do.
是的，我愿意。
And then ironically, I felt the complete opposite because they had the benefit of time passing so that they could heal a little bit.
然后讽刺的是，我的感觉完全相反，因为他们受益于时间的流逝，这样他们就可以治愈一点。
And I felt so fresh in my wound that I really felt like I was completely incapable of giving them insight.
我感觉自己的伤口很新鲜，我真的觉得我完全无法给他们洞察力。
But I felt that way a lot about 9/11 in general.
但总的来说，我对 9/11 有很多这样的感觉。
People really wanted to learn something from it or connect to in some way or understand it through us, and it was a very strange, and continues to be a very strange experience.
人们真的想从中学到一些东西，或者以某种方式联系到它，或者通过我们来理解它，这是一种非常奇怪的经历，而且仍然是一种非常奇怪的经历。
At that point, you're sort of like a walking symbol.
到那时，你就有点像一个行走的符号。
Do you know what I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass Has that worn off over time?
Ira Glass 随着时间的推移，这种感觉会消失吗？
No, actually.
不，实际上。
It makes it very hard to date.
这使得约会变得非常困难。
[LAUGHING] It makes it hard to do a lot of things.
[笑]这使得做很多事情变得困难。
Well, you know, I've had guys say, "I'm never going to fill your husband's boots" and things like that.
嗯，你知道，有人说过，“我永远不会接替你丈夫的职位”之类的话。
So I think it's hard to meet people, and who are not intimidated by that.
所以我认为很难遇到那些不被吓倒的人。
So at some point in the weeks and months after 9/11, you really became a kind of spokesperson through a series of accidents, almost.
因此，在 9/11 事件发生后几周和几个月的某个时刻，你几乎通过一系列事故真正成为了某种代言人。
Yes.
是的。
Ira Glass Were there other times that you found yourself as a spokesperson in just very strange situations?
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：作为发言人，您是否也曾遇到过一些非常奇怪的情况？
Yes.
是的。
I mean, I've always been outspoken.
我的意思是，我一直都是直言不讳的。
I have a very political family.
我有一个非常政治化的家庭。
We're all very opinionated people.
我们都是非常有主见的人。
Oh, wait, and you're New Yorkers, so you're probably Democrats.
哦，等等，你们是纽约人，所以你们可能是民主党人。
Right.
正确的。
Ira Glass Did you find yourself in a situation where you were meeting, like, high level administration officials?
Ira Glass 您是否发现自己处于会见高级政府官员的情况？
Did you meet the president?
你见过总统吗？
Did you meet--
你有没有遇见——
Yes.
是的。
I met the president three times.
我与总统见过3次面。
And it was very surreal.
这非常超现实。
I went down for a bill signing, which was a bill he was signing to help the victims families with taxes for that first year.
我去签署了一项法案，这是他签署的一项法案，旨在帮助受害者家庭第一年纳税。
And that is where I met Hillary Clinton, who then invited me down to the State of the Union address, where I met the president again.
在那里我遇到了希拉里·克林顿，她随后邀请我去发表国情咨文演讲，在那里我再次见到了总统。
And then in the second anniversary, which I think was the oddest time for me to meet the president.
然后是两周年纪念日，我认为这是我见到总统最奇怪的一次。
My vice president of my organization, who, his name is Lee, and he lost his son, who was a firefighter.
我组织的副总裁，他的名字叫李，他失去了他的儿子，他是一名消防员。
And he was a firefighter himself, so he was among all the fathers down at ground zero who were looking for their sons.
他本人也是一名消防员，所以他是所有在归零地寻找儿子的父亲之一。
And his best friend, John Vigiano, had lost two sons-- one was a police officer and one was a firefighter, and they had made a short film about him that won an Academy Award.
他最好的朋友约翰·维贾诺（John Vigiano）失去了两个儿子——一个是警察，一个是消防员，他们制作了一部关于他的短片并获得了奥斯卡奖。
And for the second anniversary, President Bush was supposed to come up to ground zero and do the whole anniversary thing and he couldn't, so instead they had a small viewing of this movie and a kind of party for John Vigiano.
在两周年纪念日之际，布什总统本应回到零开始，完成整个周年纪念日的活动，但他做不到，所以他们只观看了这部电影的一小部分，并为约翰·维贾诺举办了一场派对。
And I don't know why.
我不知道为什么。
And so I told Lee I didn't want to go down because not only was it the day before the second anniversary, but I did not feel comfortable with this administration at all and what they were doing.
所以我告诉李我不想下台，因为不仅是在两周年纪念日的前一天，而且我对这届政府和他们所做的事情根本感觉不舒服。
And so--
所以——
Right.
对。
Oh, yeah.
哦，是的。
We were already in Iraq.
我们已经在伊拉克了。
And so I felt very uncomfortable.
所以我感觉很不舒服。
I said, "oh, you don't want me to go." He always teased me about having a big mouth and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
我说：“哦，你不想让我去。”他总是嘲笑我嘴巴大，在错误的时间说错误的话。
And he said, "no, I absolutely want to go with you because Governor Pataki is going to be there." And we just had a rally that day about the memorial and wanting ground zero to be sacred ground and it to be treated as such.
他说：“不，我绝对想和你一起去，因为帕塔基州长也会在那里。”那天我们刚刚举行了一场关于纪念馆的集会，希望归零地成为神圣之地并受到如此对待。
Pataki had kind of backpedaled on some things he'd said before, so we had this big rally.
帕塔基有点反悔了他之前说过的一些话，所以我们举行了这次大型集会。
And he was going to be at this small dinner party at the White House.
他将参加在白宫举行的小型晚宴。
And so once it was presented that he was going to be there and it was a chance to talk to him about this, then I said, yes, and we went down on the train.
因此，一旦有人提出他要去那里并且这是一个与他谈论此事的机会，然后我说，是的，然后我们就上了火车。
And the rally lasted so long we were literally running for the train, trying to make this dinner.
集会持续了很长时间，我们实际上是在跑火车，试图做这顿晚餐。
Stopped at my friend's house.
停在我朋友家。
He told me it was formal, so I put on this sparkling blue gown.
他告诉我这是正式的，所以我穿上了这件闪闪发光的蓝色礼服。
And we arrive at the White House and go through this elaborate security system, and I walk out into the Rose Garden, and everyone's wearing business attire, black suits, included the women in brown suits, and I am in this sparkling blue dress that I wore at my sister's wedding.
我们到达白宫，通过这个复杂的安全系统，我走进玫瑰园，每个人都穿着商务装，黑色西装，包括穿着棕色西装的女士，而我穿着我在姐姐婚礼上穿的这件闪闪发光的蓝色连衣裙。
And I just saw all the secret service men kind of, I could just imagine what they whispering into their lapels.
我刚刚看到了所有的特勤人员，我可以想象他们在翻领上窃窃私语。
Like, "whore in the blue dress has just entered the garden." And I was furious at Lee, who's, you know, he's in his late fifties and short, and I felt like I looked like his hooker, basically.
就像，“穿蓝色裙子的妓女刚刚进入花园。”我对李很生气，你知道，他五十多岁了，个子不高，我觉得我基本上就像他的妓女。
So we went in, and--
所以我们进去了，然后——
Which is really not a good feeling in the Rose Garden.
在玫瑰园里这种感觉实在不太好。
No. I was so self-conscious.
不，我太不自在了。
I'm wearing completely the wrong thing.
我穿的完全不对。
And I get a glass of wine, and all I really want to do is look at the White House, because I'm like, "wow, I'm in the White House, and so I want to look at the architecture." And literally, if I took two steps out of the garden, there were about nine secret service men following me.
我喝了一杯酒，我真正想做的就是看看白宫，因为我想，“哇，我在白宫，所以我想看看那里的建筑。”从字面上看，如果我走出花园两步，大约有九名特勤人员跟着我。
And so I was playing with the dog because Lee made me promise not to do anything inappropriate, not to talk to anybody about my liberal politics.
所以我在和狗玩耍，因为李让我保证不做任何不恰当的事情，不和任何人谈论我的自由主义政治。
And so I was just waiting until Governor Pataki came.
所以我只是等待帕塔基州长到来。
And then, you know, I'm looking around this odd conglomeration of people including, Maury Povich, and Condoleezza Rice, and the Rumsfelds.
然后，你知道，我正在环顾这个奇怪的人群，包括莫里·波维奇、康多莉扎·赖斯和拉姆斯菲尔德家族。
And it was just a very-- and I felt so uncomfortable.
这实在是太……我感到很不舒服。
I just wanted to go home.
我只是想回家。
I really was feeling kind of emotional about the anniversary and feeling like a hypocrite being there.
我真的对周年纪念日感到有点激动，感觉自己像个伪君子一样。
And so we got up to Governor Pataki, and he talked to us about how hurt he was that we had this rally.
因此，我们找到了帕塔基州长，他向我们讲述了他对我们这次集会感到多么受伤。
And I talked to Libby Pataki about some widows that she knew.
我和利比·帕塔基谈论了她认识的一些寡妇。
And you know, we chatted for a while and said what we needed to say, and then I was ready to go home.
你知道，我们聊了一会儿，说了我们需要说的话，然后我就准备回家了。
But then there was a buffet dinner and a film to see.
但接下来还有自助晚餐和电影可供观看。
So we had our buffet dinner, and I sat all the way in the back of the garden at the farthest picnic table in the back.
所以我们吃了自助晚餐，我一直坐在花园后面最远的野餐桌旁。
And I'm eating quietly, waiting for Lee to join me, and I hear someone say, "is this seat taken?" And I look up and it's Donald Rumsfeld and his wife, and they want to sit at the table with me.
我静静地吃着饭，等待李加入我，我听到有人说：“这个座位有人吗？”我抬头一看，是唐纳德·拉姆斯菲尔德和他的妻子，他们想和我一起坐在桌旁。
And I was like, "no, nobody's sitting here, go ahead."
我当时想，“不，没有人坐在这里，继续吧。”
So they sat down, and Lee joined me.
于是他们坐下来，李也加入了我。
And, of course, Lee having served in Vietnam and having about 28 medals on his class-A firefighter uniform immediately got into a conversation.
当然，李曾在越南服役，他的 A 级消防员制服上佩戴着大约 28 枚奖牌，他立即引起了人们的热议。
And Donald Rumsfeld has just gotten back home from Afghanistan, so they were chatting about all this stuff.
唐纳德·拉姆斯菲尔德刚刚从阿富汗回来，所以他们正在谈论所有这些事情。
And I decided I would be a good friend to Lee and just talk to his wife Joyce about his daughter's rock climbing.
我决定成为李的好朋友，并与他的妻子乔伊斯谈论他女儿的攀岩。
So that's what I was being good, but half an ear was listening to their talk.
这就是我表现得很好，但有一半的耳朵在听他们的谈话。
And I was getting more and more upset, and I could feel my face turning red.
我越来越心烦意乱，我能感觉到我的脸变红了。
And then finally, Rumsfeld turned and said, "Marian, what do you think about all of this?" And I said, "oh, you really don't want to know what I think." And he's like, "no, no, actually, I really do.
最后，拉姆斯菲尔德转身说道：“玛丽安，你对这一切有何看法？”我说：“哦，你真的不想知道我的想法。”他说：“不，不，实际上，我真的很喜欢。
I'm curious what you think."
我很好奇你的想法。”
And I look at Lee to get permission if this is OK.
如果可以的话，我会向李寻求许可。
And he nods.
他点点头。
And I said, "well, actually, I think you used the death of my husband to go into a country we have no business being in." It felt kind of like a cop-out at the time because there was so much more I wanted to say.
我说：“好吧，实际上，我认为你利用我丈夫的死进入了一个我们无权进入的国家。”当时感觉有点像逃避，因为我想说的还有很多。
Is there some more direct thing that you can say than, "you're taking the death of my husband and using to start an inappropriate war?" What is the mean version of that?
还有什么比“你利用我丈夫的死来发动一场不恰当的战争”更直接的说法吗？那个版本的意思是什么？
What were you holding back?
你还忍住了什么？
No, I think I was actually being good.
不，我认为我实际上表现得很好。
I think if Lee hadn't kicked me under the table, I probably could have said more.
我想如果李没有在桌子底下踢我，我可能会说更多。
And he just kind of-- everything kind of got quiet.
他只是——一切都安静了。
Rumsfeld nodded, and he said, "thank you," and turned back to Lee and they continued their conversation.
拉姆斯菲尔德点点头，说：“谢谢你”，然后转向李，他们继续谈话。
At which point they called us into the screening room to see the film that was made about John Vigiano.
这时他们叫我们到放映室去看一部关于约翰·维贾诺的电影。
And we got up and President Bush and his wife were standing there kind of receiving like a receiving line.
我们站起来，布什总统和他的妻子站在那里，就像一条接待线一样在接待。
And Lee introduced me to the president and said, "this is Marian Fontana.
李把我介绍给总统并说：“这是玛丽安·丰塔纳。
She lost her husband.
她失去了丈夫。
Tomorrow is also her wedding anniversary." And he said, "oh, that's terrible, you got the double whammy." That's what he said.
明天也是她的结婚纪念日。”他说：“哦，太糟糕了，你受到了双重打击。”他就是这么说的。
"the double whammy." And I was like, "yeah, the double whammy.
“双重打击。”我当时想，“是的，双重打击。
That's right."
没错。”
And what did you want to say?
你想说什么？
What does a person say to that?
一个人对此怎么说？
I just thought it was truly one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.
我只是觉得这确实是我听过的最愚蠢的事情之一。
You know, there were some politicians that I felt were very sincere in their compassion for the families, and then there were some that I don't think understood what we were really feeling.
你知道，我认为有些政客对这些家庭的同情非常真诚，但我认为有些政客并不理解我们的真正感受。
President Bush introduced me to Laura and I said, "Hi, Libby." Because I had just been talking to Libby Pataki-- kind of screwed the names up.
布什总统把我介绍给劳拉，我说：“嗨，利比。”因为我刚刚和利比·帕塔基（Libby Pataki）谈话——有点搞砸了名字。
And Lee elbowed me again, and we slid into the row behind the president in this tiny little screening room.
李再次用胳膊肘肘击了我，我们就在这个狭小的放映室里挤进了总统后面的一排。
And so then I was kind of up against the wall and Lee was sitting next to me.
然后我就靠在墙上了，李坐在我旁边。
And Condoleezza Rice and some other guy.
还有康多莉扎·赖斯和其他一些人。
And then the film began, and I didn't even think about what the film was about.
然后电影开始了，我什至没有想到这部电影是关于什么的。
And the screen opens and it's the towers burning, and the shaky cameras filming it.
屏幕打开，塔楼在燃烧，摇晃的摄像机正在拍摄这一切。
And I lost it like I've never lost it publicly in my life.
我失去了它，就像我一生中从未公开失去过它一样。
I just started almost like having an epileptic seizure of grief.
我刚开始几乎像癫痫发作一样悲伤。
I just couldn't-- I was hysterical.
我就是不能——我歇斯底里。
I was sobbing really loud, and I had to get out of there.
我哭得很大声，我必须离开那里。
And so I literally just stood up, like a hysterical woman, which I'm not but suddenly became, and started clawing my way out of the row.
于是我就站了起来，就像一个歇斯底里的女人（我不是但突然变成了这样），然后开始从队伍中挣脱出来。
And I stepped on Condoleezza Rice's foot.
我踩到了康多莉扎·赖斯的脚。
And they had pulled a curtain over the door and I couldn't find the knob.
他们在门上拉上了窗帘，我找不到把手。
And I'm at the door shaking the curtains, and Lee is behind me trying to find the door.
我在门口摇动窗帘，李在我身后试图找到门。
And the secret service men are just, you know, "the whore in the blue dress is on the move." And I ran out to the hall and I was just sobbing.
你知道，特勤人员只是“穿蓝裙子的妓女正在行动”。我跑到大厅，哭了起来。
And I couldn't stop crying.
我无法停止哭泣。
They were following me down the hall, these secret service men.
他们在大厅里跟着我，这些特勤人员。
I was screaming at them to leave me alone.
我向他们尖叫，让他们别打扰我。
It was just really terrible.
这真的太可怕了。
And they got some young intern to show me into a small bathroom that was, like, hidden behind a bookcase and I sat in there for about half an hour just sobbing my eyes out.
他们找了一些年轻的实习生带我走进一间小浴室，那间浴室就像隐藏在书柜后面一样，我在那里坐了大约半个小时，只是抽泣着眼睛。
And that was my last meeting with President Bush.
那是我最后一次与布什总统会面。
[LAUGHING]
[笑]
And do you think it's just the combination of being in the most alien environment possible and then suddenly just like missing your husband so intensely, like it's all coming together once?
你是否认为这只是在最陌生的环境中，然后突然如此强烈地想念你的丈夫，就像这一切都在一起了一样？
Like, that's why?
比如说，这就是为什么？
Absolutely.
绝对地。
That's exactly what happened.
这正是发生的事情。
And it was the anniversary, and I really wanted to be home with my son.
那天是周年纪念日，我真的很想回家和我的儿子在一起。
And I had that feeling in my stomach like I made the wrong choice.
我心里有一种感觉，好像我做了错误的选择。
I shouldn't have come down.
我不该下来的。
Did you feel protected by your public role in that sort of situation?
在这种情况下，你是否感到自己的公共角色受到了保护？
That is, you're there as somebody whose husband died, and in a way that it gives you a sort of protection.
也就是说，你作为一个丈夫去世的人在那里，在某种程度上它给了你一种保护。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
Yes.
是的。
I mean, I really have never in my life felt more free to speak the way I want to speak.
我的意思是，我一生中从未感到如此自由地以我想要的方式说话。
Because I felt like I lost everything, anyway, so there was really nothing to lose.
因为我觉得我已经失去了一切，无论如何，所以真的没有什么可失去的。
Marian Fontana.
玛丽安·丰塔纳.
She's written a book about her experience called A Widow's Walk: A Memoir of 9/11.
她写了一本关于自己经历的书，名为《寡妇之行：9/11 回忆录》。
Coming up, who'd have thought?
即将到来，谁能想到呢？
Two stories in one program where somebody meets their president.
一个节目中有两个故事，其中有人会见他们的总统。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International when our program continues.
一分钟后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme and bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，并为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's program: Not What I Signed Up For.
今天的节目：不是我报名的。
We've arrived at Act Two of our show.
我们已经到了节目的第二幕了。
Act Two, Small Fish, Smaller Pond.
第二幕，小鱼，小池塘。
For this act, we wing our way across the Atlantic for this story from Nick Hornby.
为了这一幕，我们飞越大西洋，聆听尼克·霍恩比的故事。
I was six or seven when I found out how small our country was.
当我六七岁的时候，我发现我们的国家有多么小。
I was the last one to know in my class.
我是班上最后一个知道的。
The teacher pinned a big map of Europe up on the wall and show us the countries around us.
老师在墙上钉了一张大欧洲地图，向我们展示了我们周围的国家。
France, Switzerland, Italy.
法国、瑞士、意大利。
And I put up my hand and said, "where are we?
我举起手说：“我们在哪里？
Where's Champagne on the map?" And everyone, even the teacher, laughed at me.
香槟在地图上哪里？”每个人，甚至老师，都嘲笑我。
"You can't see [?
“你看不到[？
Champagne ?] on the map, Stefan," she said.
香槟？] 在地图上，斯特凡，”她说。
"Why not," I asked.
“为什么不呢？”我问。
"Because we're too small."
“因为我们太小了。”
"But we must be there somewhere."
“但我们一定在某个地方。”
"Of course, we are, but you can't see us," the teacher said.
“当然，我们是，但你看不到我们，”老师说。
"How can you not see a whole country on a map," I asked her.
“你怎么在地图上看不到整个国家呢？”我问她。
I could feel my ears getting red.
我能感觉到我的耳朵变红了。
The other kids knew something I didn't, I could tell.
我看得出来，其他孩子知道一些我不知道的事情。
"Do you know why we're called [?
“你知道我们为什么被称为[吗？
Champagne," ?] the teacher asked me.
香槟，”？]老师问我。
I shrugged.
我耸耸肩。
"No, I thought it was because we were champions of something." All the other kids laughed again.
“不，我认为这是因为我们是某件事的冠军。”其他孩子都又笑了。
"And what would we be champions of," said the teacher.
“我们会拥护什么？”老师说。
"No, champe is French for field.
“不，champe 在法语中是田野的意思。
We're called Champagne because our whole country is no bigger than a field.
我们被称为香槟，因为我们整个国家不比田地大。
[?
[？
Champagne ?] used to be a field until we built the village on it."
香槟？] 曾经是一块田地，直到我们在上面建了村庄。”
"You mean we're the only village in the country?" I couldn't believe it.
“你是说我们是这个国家唯一的村庄？”我简直不敢相信。
Our village is tiny.
我们村子很小。
"The other side of the stream is France," the teacher said.
“河的另一边是法国，”老师说。
"Italy is behind the fence at the back of the village shop, and Monsieur Petit's garden is half in [?
“意大利在村庄商店后面的栅栏后面，佩蒂特先生的花园一半在[？
Champagne ?] and half in Switzerland.
香槟？] 一半在瑞士。
You could walk across our country in less than a minute.
你可以在不到一分钟的时间内步行穿过我们的国家。
You could do it while holding your breath if you wanted to.
如果你愿意的话，你可以屏住呼吸。
You could even throw a stone across it so long as you threw high and didn't hit Monsiuer Petit's bedroom window.
你甚至可以扔一块石头穿过它，只要你扔得高，并且没有击中佩蒂先生卧室的窗户。
"Why didn't you tell me we lived in the smallest country in the world," I asked my mum when I go home.
“你为什么不告诉我我们生活在世界上最小的国家？”回家时我问妈妈。
"I thought you knew," she said.
“我以为你知道，”她说。
"How am I supposed to know," I asked her, "if no one tells me."
“如果没有人告诉我，”我问她，“我怎么知道。”
"What difference does it make, anyway," she said.
“无论如何，这有什么区别，”她说。
"I know everyone who lives in our whole country," I said.
“我认识居住在我们国家的每个人，”我说。
"Well, that's nice, isn't it," my mother asked me.
“嗯，那很好，不是吗？”妈妈问我。
I wasn't sure about that.
我对此并不确定。
"Anyway, don't countries have presidents and prime ministers and things?"
“不管怎样，国家不是有总统、总理之类的吗？”
"Of course," said my mother.
“当然，”妈妈说。
"We're no different."
“我们没有什么不同。”
"OK, so who's the president of [?
“好吧，那么谁是[的总统？
Champagne?" ?]
香槟？”？]
"I am," she said.
“我是，”她说。
I looked at her face to see if she was joking, but she wasn't.
我看着她的脸，想看看她是不是在开玩笑，但她不是。
"You're the president of [?
“你是[的总统？
Champagne?
香槟酒？
?] You?"
？]你？”
"Yes," she said.
“是的，”她说。
"I thought you knew that, too."
“我以为你也知道这一点。”
"You don't-- you don't do anything.
“你不——你什么也不做。
You just make our sandwiches and do the washing."
你只需为我们做三明治并洗衣服。”
"I go to a meeting once a month in Monsieur Gramonde's bar," she said.
“我每个月都会去格拉蒙德先生的酒吧参加一次会议，”她说。
I knew about those meetings.
我知道那些会议。
All the grownups in the village talk about litter, and mending the fences so that the cows don't wander into the road.
村里所有的大人都在谈论乱扔垃圾和修理栅栏，以免牛走入马路。
"Well, what about saluting soldiers," I asked her.
“好吧，向士兵致敬怎么样？”我问她。
You have to remember, I was very young.
你要记住，我还很小。
"We don't have any soldiers," she said.
“我们没有士兵，”她说。
"And what about putting people in prison?"
“那把人关进监狱怎么样？”
"We don't have a prison," she said.
“我们没有监狱，”她说。
And we went on like that for a little while until I understood that [?
我们就这样持续了一会儿，直到我明白了[？
Champagne ?] isn't really a country in the same way that Italy is a country, or France, or America.
香槟？]实际上并不是一个国家，就像意大利、法国或美国一样。
It doesn't have its own stamps or money or television or prisons or soldiers or air force or navy.
它没有自己的邮票、金钱、电视、监狱、士兵、空军或海军。
Anyone could invade us tomorrow if they wanted to, but no one wants to.
如果他们愿意的话，任何人明天都可以入侵我们，但没有人愿意这样做。
There wouldn't be any point.
那就没有任何意义了。
No big countries need an extra field, a shop, and a cafe.
没有哪个大国需要额外的场地、商店和咖啡馆。
But even though we didn't have most things you'd kind in normal countries, we did have our own soccer team.
尽管我们没有正常国家所拥有的大部分东西，但我们确实拥有自己的足球队。
My dad broke his leg because of soccer.
我爸爸因为踢足球摔断了腿。
He wasn't playing, though.
不过他并没有在玩。
What happened was that he was watching a game on TV and the TV suddenly started flickering and then smoke came out of it and the screen went black.
事情是这样的，他正在电视上看一场比赛，电视突然开始闪烁，然后冒烟，屏幕也黑了。
I wasn't watching.
我没在看。
I was reading on the sofa.
我正在沙发上看书。
I hate all sports, especially soccer, because soccer is the one that people talk about the most.
我讨厌所有的运动，尤其是足球，因为足球是人们谈论最多的一项。
He was really annoyed that the TV was broken.
电视坏了，他真的很生气。
He stood up and he kicked his chair.
他站起来，踢了踢椅子。
"What about the old one," my mother said.
“那旧的呢？”妈妈说。
"The little one worked perfectly well." She was angry when my father bought a new TV.
“这个小家伙表现得很好。”当我父亲买了一台新电视时，她很生气。
She said we didn't need a big screen, but that's because she only watches programs where people talk.
她说我们不需要大屏幕，但那是因为她只看人们谈话的节目。
She doesn't watch sport.
她不看体育比赛。
If you need to see a tennis ball or a soccer ball, then a small TV is no good.
如果您需要看网球或足球，那么小电视就不行了。
"Where is it," my father said grumpily.
“它在哪里？”我父亲脾气暴躁地说。
"It's in the attic," said my mother.
“在阁楼里，”妈妈说。
He was in too much of a hurry because he didn't want to miss any of the game.
他太着急了，因为他不想错过任何一场比赛。
He got the ladder, climbed into the attic, and then fell when he was trying to carry the TV down again.
他抓住梯子，爬进阁楼，然后在试图再次把电视搬下来时摔倒了。
We all heard the crack.
我们都听到了破裂声。
We knew straightaway that he had broken something.
我们立刻就知道他弄坏了东西。
Three days later, when he was pushing himself into the kitchen on his crutches at breakfast, he said to me, "you know what this means, don't you?" And I pretended I didn't, but I did.
三天后，当他拄着拐杖走进厨房吃早餐时，他对我说：“你知道这意味着什么，不是吗？”我假装没有，但我做到了。
It was the first thing I thought of the moment he fell out.
这是他摔倒的那一刻我想到的第一件事。
"What does it mean," I asked him.
“这是什么意思？”我问他。
"It means you have to play," he said.
“这意味着你必须参加比赛，”他说。
I didn't say anything.
我什么也没说。
"You have to," he said again.
“你必须这么做，”他又说道。
"I don't," I said.
“我不，”我说。
"There's no law that says so."
“没有法律这么规定。”
Including my dad, there are exactly 11 men and boys in [?
包括我爸爸在内，[？]里正好有11个男人和男孩。
Champagne ?] who can run up and down a soccer pitch, and they all play for the national team.
香槟？]谁能在足球场上跑来跑去，而且他们都为国家队效力。
No one has ever refused, even though it's torture.
从来没有人拒绝过，尽管这是一种折磨。
We should be playing against other villages, but because we're a country, then we play against other countries.
我们应该和其他村庄比赛，但因为我们是一个国家，所以我们和其他国家比赛。
They're not big countries.
他们不是大国。
We play against San Marino and the Vatican and places like that.
我们对阵圣马力诺和梵蒂冈之类的地方。
But all these places have more than 11 players to choose from, and they all beat us hollow.
但所有这些地方都有超过11名球员可供选择，他们都把我们打败了。
San Marino, for example, usually lose their games against Italy or France by 9 or 10 goals.
例如，圣马力诺在对阵意大利或法国的比赛中通常会以 9 或 10 球的差距输掉比赛。
But when they play [?
但是当他们玩[?
Champagne, ?] they beat us 30-0.
香槟，？]他们以 30-0 击败了我们。
No one had ever asked me to play before because I was too young, and because I wasn't any good at sports anyway.
以前从来没有人邀请过我参加比赛，因为我太年轻了，而且我也不擅长运动。
And, I'll admit it, I was a little bit fat.
而且，我承认，我有点胖。
Not gross, just chubby, I suppose you'd call it.
不恶心，只是胖乎乎的，我想你会这样称呼它。
I spent a lot of time reading books and playing chess, and not so much time running around like a lunatic, which is how the other kids around here behave.
我花了很多时间看书和下棋，而不是像疯子一样到处乱跑，这就是这里其他孩子的行为方式。
But now I was 14, and I knew that if anything happened to any of the other players, I was the next in line.
但现在我已经 14 岁了，我知道如果其他玩家出了什么事，我就是下一个。
And now something had happened, to my dad, of all people.
现在，发生了一些事情，发生在我父亲身上，发生在所有人身上。
"How many kids of your age can say they've played soccer for their country," my dad asked.
“有多少像你这个年纪的孩子可以说他们为自己的国家踢过足球，”我爸爸问。
"It's not really much to boast about, is it," I said.
“这确实没什么值得夸耀的，是吗？”我说。
"You're only asking me because there's no one else.
“你问我只是因为没有其他人。
If there was one other boy or man of the right age in the whole of Champagne, you wouldn't be asking me."
如果整个香槟区还有一个适龄的男孩或男人，你就不会问我了。”
"Everyone plays," said Dad.
“每个人都玩，”爸爸说。
"Nobody has ever said no. It's your duty, Stefan, your duty as a citizen of [?
“从来没有人说过不。这是你的责任，斯特凡，你作为[？
Champagne." ?]
香槟。”？]
"You always have to have 11 players in a soccer team," I asked him.
“一支足球队必须有 11 名球员，”我问他。
"I mean, everybody does?" Dad looked up at the ceiling and rolled his eyes.
“我的意思是，每个人都这样吗？”爸爸抬头看着天花板，翻了个白眼。
"I can't do it, Dad," I said.
“我做不到，爸爸，”我说。
"I'll just make an idiot of myself."
“我只会让自己变成一个白痴。”
"But if you don't, none of us will be allowed to play," he said.
“但如果你不这样做，我们谁都不会被允许参加比赛，”他说。
"There are rules about this sort of thing.
“对于这类事情是有规则的。
Anyway, we'd look bad.
无论如何，我们看起来都会很糟糕。
We'd be the country that didn't have enough players for a soccer team.
我们将成为一个没有足够球员组建足球队的国家。
"We're already the country that didn't have enough players for a soccer team.
“我们已经是一个没有足够球员来组建足球队的国家了。
I'm not a player."
我不是球员。”
"Play as a favor to me," he said.
“帮我一个忙，”他说。
"To make me feel proud of you."
“为了让我为你感到骄傲。”
"But that's just the thing," I said.
“但事情就是这样，”我说。
"If I play, you'll be ashamed of me." And then I went into my bedroom and shut the door and read a book.
“如果我打球，你就会为我感到羞耻。”然后我走进卧室，关上门，看书。
A few days later, I was at home watching TV when there was a knock at the door.
几天后，我正在家里看电视，突然有人敲门。
Mum and Dad were in the cafe having one of their meetings, but in [?
妈妈和爸爸在咖啡馆里开会，但是在[？
Champagne ?] it's safe to leave your kids at home without a babysitter, and it's safe to answer the door.
香槟？] 把孩子留在家里没有保姆是安全的，开门也是安全的。
You'll always know the person standing on the other side.
你永远都会认识站在另一边的人。
It was Monsieur Gramonde.
这是格拉蒙德先生。
"The president wants to see you," he said.
“总统想见你，”他说。
My mom was still the president.
我妈妈仍然是总统。
No one else wanted the job, so people kept voting for her.
没有人想要这份工作，所以人们不断投票给她。
There didn't seem to be any rules about how long you could stay president.
似乎没有任何规则规定你可以担任总统多久。
I laughed.
我笑了。
"I'll see the president later," I said.
“我稍后会见总统，”我说。
"It's not funny," he said.
“这不好笑，”他说。
"She wants you to come to the cafe.
“她想让你去咖啡馆。
Immediately."
马上。”
"She can talk to me when she comes home."
“她回家后可以跟我说话。”
"She'd be your mother then," Gramonde said.
“那么她就是你的母亲，”格拉蒙德说。
"This is presidential business, not family business."
“这是总统的事，不是家族的事。”
"And what happens if I refuse?"
“如果我拒绝怎么办？”
"Then I'll have to take you there by force.
“那我就只好强行带你过去了。
The president has given me permission to do so.
总统已允许我这样做。
She was worried that you'd be unhelpful."
她担心你帮不上忙。”
I didn't want to be dragged down to the cafe by Monsieur Gramonde, so I put my shoes on.
我不想被格拉蒙德先生拖到咖啡馆，所以我穿上了鞋子。
All the grownups were in the cafe.
所有的大人都在咖啡馆里。
My mother was sitting on her own in the middle of the room like the teacher used to do in kindergarten when she read us a story, with everyone else arranged around her.
我母亲独自坐在房间中央，就像幼儿园老师给我们读故事时所做的那样，其他人都安排在她周围。
"Ah," she said.
“啊，”她说。
"Stefan, take a seat."
“斯特凡，请坐。”
Someone got a chair for me and put it inside the circle so that everyone could watch me talking to my mother.
有人给我拿了一把椅子，放在圆圈里，这样每个人都可以看到我和妈妈说话。
"This is so stupid," I said.
“这太愚蠢了，”我说。
Somebody tutted, probably because I'd been rude to the president.
有人嗤之以鼻，可能是因为我对总统无礼。
"I'll ignore that last remark," she said.
“我会忽略最后一句话，”她说。
"Is it right that you gave Monsieur Gramonde permission to bring me here by force," I asked.
“你允许格拉蒙德先生用武力把我带到这里，对吗？”我问道。
"I knew he wouldn't have to," she said.
“我知道他不必这样做，”她说。
"You're a sensible boy."
“你是个懂事的孩子。”
I looked at her.
我看着她。
I didn't want to have an argument in front of everyone, but I wouldn't forget it.
我不想在大家面前争论，但我不会忘记。
"You know why we've asked you to come here," she said.
“你知道我们为什么邀请你来这里，”她说。
"I wasn't asked.
“我没有被问到。
I was ordered."
我是被命令的。”
"I'll ignore that, too," she said.
“我也会忽略这一点，”她说。
"Do you know why you're here?"
“你知道你为什么来这里吗？”
"I guess because of the soccer," I said.
“我想是因为足球，”我说。
"You guessed right," said my mother, the president.
“你猜对了，”我的总统母亲说。
"Because of the soccer.
“因为足球。
You've been given the honor of representing your country and you said no, is that correct?"
你有幸代表你的国家，但你却说不，对吗？”
"That is correct." "And you're aware that if you don't play, nobody can play?"
“没错。” “你知道如果你不玩，就没人能玩了吗？”
"I suppose." "And you haven't changed your mind?"
“我想。” “那你还没有改变主意吗？”
"No!
“不！
I hate soccer, and I'm rubbish at it, as you know," I told her.
我讨厌足球，而且我对足球一无所知，你也知道，”我告诉她。
I noticed my shoelace was undone, so I spent as much time as I could tying it up again.
我发现我的鞋带松了，所以我花了尽可能多的时间重新把它系好。
"Sometimes," the president said, "we have to do things we don't want to do.
“有时候，”总统说，“我们不得不做我们不想做的事情。
In wartime, young men have to go to war but they don't want to."
在战时，年轻人必须参战，但他们不想参战。”
"This isn't a war," I pointed out.
“这不是一场战争，”我指出。
"It's a dumb soccer match, and soccer sucks."
“这是一场愚蠢的足球比赛，足球很糟糕。”
"Right," said my mother.
“好的，”妈妈说。
"OK, then.
“好吧，那么。
Will you wait outside for a few moments, please, Stefan?
斯特凡，请你在外面等一会儿好吗？
The council needs to talk in private."
委员会需要私下讨论。”
I stared at her, saw that she was serious, and left the cafe.
我盯着她看，见她一脸严肃，就离开了咖啡馆。
They closed the door behind me so I couldn't hear anything.
他们关上了我身后的门，所以我听不到任何声音。
When I was let back in, I could see that my mother had a very serious expression on her face, and for a moment, I almost believed she was a president.
当我被放回去的时候，我看到妈妈脸上的表情非常严肃，有那么一刻，我几乎相信她是一位总统。
"Stefan," she said.
“斯特凡，”她说。
"We respect your decision not to play for our national team, but you must understand that living in our small country-- well, as a citizen of [?
“我们尊重你不为我们国家队效力的决定，但你必须明白，生活在我们的小国家——嗯，作为[？
Champagne, ?] you are entitled to many things, things you probably take for granted.
香槟，？]你有权得到很多东西，你可能认为理所当然的东西。
You attend our school.
你就读我们学校。
You use this cafe.
你用这家咖啡馆。
You buy candy and cookies in the shop.
您在商店购买糖果和饼干。
You walk on our roads and paths.
您走在我们的道路和小路上。
Those rights are now withdrawn."
这些权利现在已被撤销。”
For a moment, I couldn't understand what she was saying.
一时之间，我无法理解她在说什么。
"You mean, I can't go to school?"
“你的意思是，我不能去学校？”
"No." You might think that was no big deal, but it was.
“不。”你可能认为这没什么大不了的，但事实确实如此。
The only library was in the school, for example, and if I wasn't allowed to borrow books, I'd go crazy.
例如，唯一的图书馆在学校里，如果我不被允许借书，我就会发疯。
"No." "You're not going to let me walk on the roads?"
“不。” “你不让我走在路上吗？”
"No." I'd been given a prison sentence.
“不。”我被判入狱了。
I'd be stuck in my house forever.
我会永远被困在我的房子里。
"I'm sorry if this seems unkind or unfair," my mother said.
“如果这看起来不友善或不公平，我很抱歉，”我母亲说。
"But when you live in a small place, you have responsibilities.
“但是当你住在一个小地方时，你就有责任。
What you choose to do or choose not to do has much more of an effect than it would in a bigger country.
你选择做什么或选择不做什么比在一个更大的国家产生更大的影响。
We don't think you should be allowed to take without giving something back."
我们认为不应该允许你索取而不给予任何回报。”
My other shoelace had come undone.
我的另一条鞋带解开了。
I tied it up.
我把它绑起来了。
"OK," I said.
“好吧，”我说。
"I'm in.
“我进来了。
I'll play, but only because no one gave me a choice." They didn't hear the last part, though, because they were all clapping.
我会参加比赛，但只是因为没有人给我选择。”不过，他们没有听到最后一部分，因为他们都在鼓掌。
I didn't have to train.
我不需要训练。
I told him that I wasn't going to, and that was the one thing they let me get away with.
我告诉他我不会这么做，而这是他们让我逃脱惩罚的一件事。
The rest of the team met every Tuesday evening.
团队的其他成员每周二晚上开会。
They always ran a couple of miles first.
他们总是先跑几英里。
They usually jogged up the hill into Switzerland.
他们通常慢跑上山进入瑞士。
We can't even go for a run inside our country because it's too small, unless you want to run random round the field.
我们甚至不能在我们国家境内跑步，因为它太小了，除非你想在田野里随意跑步。
I mean, I know I should have gone to training.
我的意思是，我知道我应该去参加训练。
I hadn't kicked a ball since I was about three, and anyway, it wasn't like I was super fit.
我从三岁左右就没有踢过球了，而且无论如何，我的身体状况并不是很好。
But I didn't want to have to think about soccer until I actually played the stupid game.
但在我真正参加了这项愚蠢的比赛之前，我不想去考虑足球。
When you play for a team for the first time, they call it your debut.
当你第一次为一支球队效力时，他们称之为你的首次亮相。
Well, I made my debut against San Marino, is if you couldn't have guessed.
好吧，如果你猜不到的话，我在对阵圣马力诺的比赛中首次亮相。
[?
[？
Champagne ?] hardly ever played anyone else.
香槟？] 几乎没有和其他人玩过。
The last time we played them we had lost 28-0, but the general feeling was that it might be even worse this time.
上次我们和他们交手时我们以28-0输掉了比赛，但总体感觉这次可能会更糟。
No one said this was because of me, but I could tell that's what they were all thinking.
没有人说这是因为我，但我看得出来他们都是这么想的。
It was a home game, which meant that we changed in our homes.
这是一场主场比赛，这意味着我们在家里发生了变化。
The San Marino players changed in the toilets of the cafe.
圣马力诺球员在咖啡馆的厕所里更衣。
My father gave me his red and white striped shirt, and I found a pair of white shorts.
我父亲给了我他的红白条纹衬衫，我找到了一条白色短裤。
I didn't have any boots so I wore sneakers.
我没有靴子，所以我穿了运动鞋。
Then I put on my denim jacket and walked down to the field with dad.
然后我穿上牛仔夹克，和爸爸一起走到田野上。
"You might enjoy it," he said.
“你可能会喜欢它，”他说。
I laughed.
我笑了。
"You don't have to watch," I told him.
“你不必看，”我告诉他。
"It's going to rain.
“要下雨了。
Why don't you go home?"
你为什么不回家？”
"Everybody watches," he said.
“每个人都在看着，”他说。
"The whole village, the whole country."
“整个村庄，整个国家。”
"I've never watched before," I told him.
“我以前从没看过，”我告诉他。
"No," he said.
“不，”他说。
"You were the only one."
“你是唯一的一个。”
That made me feel bad.
这让我感觉很糟糕。
I felt bad that I didn't know everyone else always watched the team, and I felt guilty that I'd never made the effort.
我因为不知道其他人一直在关注球队而感到难过，并且因为自己从未付出努力而感到内疚。
It wouldn't have killed me to do something everyone else did once in a while.
做别人偶尔做的事不会要我的命。
When we got to the field, Dad patted me on the back and wished me luck, and I went to stand with my teammates in the middle of the pitch.
当我们到达球场时，爸爸拍了拍我的背，祝我好运，然后我就和队友们一起站在了球场中央。
I was the youngest player, and Monsieur Gramonde, who was a bit younger than Dad, was the oldest.
我是最年轻的球员，比爸爸年轻一点的格拉蒙德先生是最年长的。
The only one who really looked like a soccer player was Monsieur Blanc, who worked at a fitness center in Italy.
唯一一个真正看起来像足球运动员的人是在意大利一家健身中心工作的布兰克先生。
He was tall and slim, and he could do that thing with the ball where you keep kicking it and you don't let it touch the ground.
他又高又瘦，他可以用球做那种事情，你不断地踢球，但不要让它接触地面。
He was our captain.
他是我们的队长。
"Stefan," he said.
“斯特凡，”他说。
"Welcome." He shook my hand.
“欢迎。”他握了我的手。
"We thought we'd play you midfield, wide right."
“我们以为我们会让你踢中场，右边锋。”
I didn't understand a word, and I stared at him with my mouth open.
我一个字都听不懂，张着嘴盯着他。
"Well, you know your left from your right, don't you?"
“嗯，你分得清你的左边和右边，不是吗？”
"Yes, of course." "So you see Michel, there?" He was pointing at Monsieur Flammeny, who's a painter and gardener.
“是的当然。” “那么你在那里看到米歇尔了？”他指着弗拉梅尼先生，他是一位画家和园丁。
"He's the right back.
“他是右后卫。
Stand about 20 meters ahead of him and try to help him if he needs help."
站在他前方约20米处，如果他需要帮助，尽量帮助他。”
I nodded.
我点点头。
I didn't think it was a good idea to ask any more questions, though, and in any case, it was time for the game to start.
不过，我不认为再问任何问题是个好主意，无论如何，比赛已经开始了。
We let in a goal after about a minute.
大约一分钟后我们就进球了。
It wasn't my fault because everything happened over the other side of the field.
这不是我的错，因为一切都发生在球场的另一边。
The tall chap who played in the middle of their defense sort of wandered forward with the ball, and then gave it to another man who was standing right from the edge of the pitch near where my dad and the rest of the country were standing.
那个在防守中间踢球的高个子小伙子带着球向前移动，然后把球传给了另一个站在球场边缘的人，靠近我父亲和全国其他人所站的地方。
And this edge man ran very fast with the ball towards our goal, passed it sideways, and someone else, a little guy who didn't seem to do much apart from score goals, kicked the ball into an empty goal.
这个边缘人带着球飞快地跑向我们的球门，从侧面传球，而另一个人，一个除了进球之外似乎没有做太多事情的小家伙，把球踢进了一个空门。
About three minutes after that, the same thing happened.
大约三分钟后，同样的事情发生了。
Tall chap to edge man to little goal-scoring going guy-- goal.
高个子将男人逼向即将进球的小个子——进球。
And then again and again.
然后一次又一次。
San Marino scored 13 times in the first half of the game, and nine of these goals came in the same way.
圣马力诺上半场比赛共进球13个，其中9个进球是同样的方式。
I only touched the ball once in the first half.
上半场我只触球一次。
Monsieur Flammeny got the ball and passed it to me very gently because he knew I wouldn't be able to do anything if he kicked the ball hard.
弗拉梅尼先生接住了球，非常温柔地把球传给了我，因为他知道如果他用力踢球，我将无能为力。
I stopped it with my right foot.
我用右脚阻止了它。
Well, I nearly stopped it, anyway.
好吧，无论如何，我几乎停止了它。
And the next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground and every single part of me was ringing as it I were a bell.
接下来我知道的是，我躺在地上，我的每一个部分都在响，就像我是一个钟一样。
My head hurt, my back, both my legs, one of my arms.
我的头、背、双腿、一只手臂都痛。
I knew that in a soccer game, people could sometimes be told they weren't allowed to play anymore.
我知道在足球比赛中，人们有时会被告知不可以再参加比赛了。
It seemed to me that this man, whoever it was-- I hadn't seen him coming or going-- might not be allowed to play football ever again.
在我看来，这个人，无论是谁——我没有看到他来或走——可能不会再被允许踢足球了。
He would probably have to go to prison for a week or two.
他可能不得不入狱一两个星期。
I almost felt sorry for him.
我几乎为他感到难过。
But when I picked myself up and looked around, no one cared.
但当我站起来环顾四周时，却没有人在意。
Everyone was just playing on as if nothing had happened.
大家都只是继续玩着，好像什么事都没有发生过一样。
When there was a break in the play, I said to Monsieur Flammeny, "did you see that?"
当戏剧中场休息时，我对弗拉梅尼先生说：“你看到了吗？”
"What?" "What happened when you gave me the ball."
“什么？” “当你把球交给我时发生了什么？”
"Yes.
“是的。
You lost it.
你失去了它。
You gave it away."
你把它给了。”
"I didn't give it away.
“我没有放弃它。
Someone came in and smashed me to the ground and took it from me."
有人进来把我按倒在地，然后把它从我身边夺走了。”
"It's called a tackle, Stefan.
“这叫做铲球，斯特凡。
Get used to it."
习惯就好。”
"So that's what it's like being grownup," I thought.
“这就是长大的感觉，”我想。
"People can just knock you down whenever they feel like it and no one says anything" It made me wish that I was getting younger every yearn, not older.
“人们可以随时把你击倒，而没有人说什么”这让我希望自己一年比一年年轻，而不是变老。
At halftime we stood on the pitch because there was nowhere to go.
中场休息时我们站在球场上，因为无处可去。
Monsieur Blanc gathered us round him.
布兰克先生把我们聚集到他身边。
"Well," he said, "it's obvious what's going wrong-- we have to stop that little guy from scoring all the goals somehow.
“好吧，”他说，“很明显出了什么问题——我们必须以某种方式阻止那个小家伙打进所有进球。
We're not marking him properly.
我们没有正确标记他。
He's got too much room."
他的空间太大了。”
"I know what we should do," he said.
“我知道我们应该做什么，”他说。
"We'll have to stop worrying about the left side and pull Michel into the middle." Michel Gaurde was an accountant who lived in the village with his mother.
“我们必须停止担心左侧，并将米歇尔拉到中间。”米歇尔·高德 (Michel Gaurde) 是一名会计师，与母亲一起住在村里。
I suddenly realized that even though I was the worst player in the team, the rest of them didn't understand what was happening in the game.
我突然意识到，尽管我是队里表现最差的选手，但其他人并不明白比赛中发生了什么。
They really couldn't see it.
他们实在是看不出来。
So what was I supposed to do?
那我该怎么办呢？
I was new to the team and useless at the game, so nobody would listen to me.
我是球队的新人，在比赛中毫无用处，所以没有人会听我的。
But if I kept quiet, we'd let in even more goals.
但如果我保持沉默，我们就会进更多的球。
If I kept quiet, we could lose by 50 or 60 goals, and everyone would say it was my fault.
如果我保持沉默，我们可能会输50个或60个球，每个人都会说这是我的错。
There was something else I'd noticed.
我还注意到了另外一些事情。
Monsieur Blanc was our captain and our best player, but he didn't do anything.
布兰克先生是我们的队长，也是我们最好的球员，但他什么也没做。
He was always standing too far away from the action with his hands on his hips.
他总是双手叉腰，站得离现场太远。
I couldn't understand it.
我无法理解。
He was 26 and tall and very fit, and he was happy to watch everyone else do all the work.
他今年 26 岁，身材高大，身体非常健康，他很高兴看到其他人完成所有的工作。
He saw me looking at him.
他看到我在看着他。
"Something on your mind, Stefan?"
“你有什么想法吗，斯特凡？”
"Any tactical changes you want to make?" Everyone else laughed at his joke, and that annoyed me.
“你想做出什么战术改变吗？”其他人都嘲笑他的笑话，这让我很恼火。
"Yes," I said.
“是的，”我说。
What did it matter?
这有什么关系呢？
The worst that could happen was they wouldn't ask me to play again.
最糟糕的情况就是他们不再邀请我参加比赛。
"It's not the little guy who scores all the goals we should be worrying about," I said.
“我们应该担心的不是那个打进所有进球的小家伙，”我说。
"It's the edge man."
“这是边缘人。”
"The edge man," he asked.
“边缘人，”他问道。
"Who's the edge man?"
“谁是边缘人？”
I looked over to where their players were standing chatting and laughing and spotted him.
我朝他们的球员们站着聊天、大笑的地方望去，发现了他。
"Him there, the one drinking out of the water bottle now."
“他就在那儿，就是现在用水瓶喝水的那个人。”
"Because he plays on the edge of the pitch."
“因为他在球场边缘踢球。”
"The winger," said Monsieur Blanc as if I was stupid.
“边锋，”布兰克先生说，好像我是个傻子。
"What about him?"
“那他呢？”
"He's the one that gives the goal scorer the ball.
“他是那个把球交给进球者的人。
Without him, the goal scorer couldn't do anything."
没有他，进球者就什么也做不了。”
Monsieur Gaurde nodded.
戈德先生点点头。
"He's right.
“他是对的。
He's been running past me all game, and I can't stop him.
整场比赛他都从我身边跑过，我无法阻止他。
I need help."
我需要帮助。”
Monsieur Blanc looked annoyed.
布兰克先生看起来很生气。
He thought I was going to say something ridiculous, and instead, I'd seen something he hadn't.
他以为我会说一些可笑的话，但相反，我看到了他没有看到的东西。
"Anything else, Stefan, seeing as you're the expert?"
“斯特凡，既然你是专家，还有什么要说的吗？”
"I'm not an expert," I said.
“我不是专家，”我说。
"I just noticed some things."
“我刚刚注意到一些事情。”
"Oh, well, tell us some other things you've noticed."
“哦，好吧，告诉我们你还注意到的其他一些事情。”
I shrugged.
我耸耸肩。
"OK.
“好的。
I'm not being rude, but what do you do in this team?"
我没有无礼，但是你在这个团队里做什么？”
"I'm the striker.
“我是前锋。
That means I'm supposed to score the goals."
这意味着我应该进球。”
"But we're never going to score a goal," I said.
“但我们永远不会进球，”我说。
"We never have the ball, and we're never at the right end of the field." This time a couple more people nodded, and I saw Flammeny smile to himself.
“我们从来没有控球，我们也从来不在球场的右端。”这次又有几个人点了点头，我看到弗拉梅尼暗自微笑。
"But if you wanted a job to do, you could stop the tall man."
“但如果你想要一份工作，你可以阻止那个高个子。”
"Which tall man?" "The tall man who plays in defense.
“哪个高个子？” “在防守中踢球的高个子。
He's the one that gives the ball to the edge man every time.
他每次都会把球传给边缘球员。
So if you, I don't know, got in the way or something, it might make it harder for them." It was weird, I knew I was right, but there was still no reason for Monsieur Blanc to listen to me.
所以，如果你，我不知道，妨碍了什么，可能会让他们更难。”很奇怪，我知道我是对的，但布兰克先生仍然没有理由听我的。
Just when I was about to give up and tell them to forget it, my mother, the president, walked onto the pitch to give us some encouragement.
就在我准备放弃并告诉他们算了的时候，我的母亲、主席走上球场给我们一些鼓励。
"Bad luck, lads," she said.
“运气不好，小伙子们，”她说。
"Your're playing well."
“你打得很好。”
"Any plans to change things in the second half," she asked.
“下半年有什么改变的计划吗？”她问道。
"We're going to double up on the right winger," said Monsieur Blanc.
“我们将在右边锋上加倍，”布兰克先生说。
"And I'm going to work harder to close down their center back, cut off his supply."
“我会更加努力地封锁他们的中后卫，切断他的补给。”
It took me a little while to work out that these were my ideas because I didn't understand the words he was using.
我花了一段时间才意识到这些是我的想法，因为我不明白他所使用的词语。
But when I understood, I looked at him to see when he'd tell her that these were my ideas.
但当我明白后，我看着他，看看他什么时候会告诉她这些是我的想法。
"Very good," said my mother.
“很好，”妈妈说。
"Sounds very sensible." And then she walked off again.
“听起来很有道理。”然后她又走开了。
I tried to catch Blanc's eye, but he wouldn't look at me.
我试图吸引布兰克的目光，但他不看我。
The second half was really exciting because we didn't let in another goal for ages and ages.
下半场真的很令人兴奋，因为我们已经很长时间没有再丢球了。
Every time the tall defender got the ball, Monsieur Blanc went over to him and stood right in front of him, and quite often he had to turn and give the ball back to the goalkeeper.
每当这位高大的后卫拿到球时，布兰克先生就会走到他身边并站在他的正前方，而他常常不得不转身将球传回给守门员。
And even though San Marino were winning 13-0, the longer they went without scoring again, the more embarrassed they became.
尽管圣马力诺队以13-0获胜，但他们没有再次得分的时间越长，他们就越尴尬。
The tall defender and the winger even have an argument.
高大的后卫和边锋甚至发生了争执。
And we all started to run faster and jump higher and tackle harder.
我们都开始跑得更快、跳得更高、铲球更努力。
The crowd got excited, too, when they saw things had gotten so much better.
当人们看到事情变得如此好时，他们也很兴奋。
They knew we couldn't win, and they knew that they weren't even going to get a goal, but as we went 15 minutes and then 20 minutes, even nearly 30 minutes of the second half without letting the other team score, you could tell that they were proud of us.
他们知道我们赢不了，也知道他们连进球都进不了，但当我们在下半场15分钟、20分钟、甚至近30分钟都没有让对方进球时，你可以看出他们为我们感到骄傲。
They even started chanting and clapping.
他们甚至开始高呼口号和鼓掌。
We made three stupid mistakes in the last 15 minutes and let in three goals.
我们在最后15分钟犯了三个愚蠢的错误，丢了三个球。
But when the referee blew the whistle for the end of the game, there were a lot of smiles on our team.
但当裁判吹响比赛结束的哨声时，我们全队脸上都洋溢着笑容。
Losing a second half three to nothing was [?
下半场三比零输掉是[？
Champagne's ?] best ever international results.
香槟的？]有史以来最好的国际成绩。
"Just think," said Gramonde.
“想一想，”格拉蒙德说。
"If we could play like that in the first half and the second half, here we'd lose every game 6-0 [UNINTELLIGIBLE] Flammeny."
“如果我们上半场和下半场都能这样踢，那么我们会以 6-0 [无法理解]弗拉梅尼输掉每一场比赛。”
I knew what Gramonde meant, though.
不过我知道格拉蒙德的意思。
6-0 felt like a soccer score.
6-0感觉就像是足球比分。
Good teams, teams you've heard of, lose 6-0 sometimes.
优秀的球队，你听说过的球队，有时会以 6-0 输掉比赛。
Nobody ever loses 26-0, though.
不过，从来没有人以 26-0 输过。
As we walked off the pitch, the whole crowd, the whole of my country, cheered us.
当我们走出球场时，整个人群、整个国家都为我们欢呼。
And then my teammates did something I will never forget.
然后我的队友做了一件我永远不会忘记的事情。
They walked quickly to the side of the pitch, stood in two lines, and clapped as I walked between them.
他们快步走到球场一侧，站成两行，当我走在他们中间时，他们鼓掌。
Even Monsieur Blanc joined in.
就连布兰克先生也加入了进来。
That was the last time I ever had to play.
那是我最后一次玩。
The next game, they used Gramonde's 10 year old son Robert in my position, and he was better than me.
下一场比赛，他们用格拉蒙德10岁的儿子罗伯特代替我的位置，他比我更好。
I was told to watch and tell them where they were going wrong.
我被告知要观察并告诉他们哪里出了问题。
I became the coach.
我成为了教练。
"You've got brains," Gramonde said.
“你有头脑，”格拉蒙德说。
"We haven't."
“我们没有。”
In my first game as coach, we lost 12-0.
在我担任教练的第一场比赛中，我们以 12-0 落败。
At the end of the game, the team did a lap of honor.
比赛结束，球队荣誉跑了一圈。
Nick Hornby.
尼克·霍恩比.
Hi lives in London, and normally calls it football, not soccer.
你好住在伦敦，通常称之为足球，而不是足球。
His story appears in a collection of stories for children and young adults that is a fund raiser for the literacy program 826NYC.
他的故事出现在儿童和青少年故事集中，该故事集是扫盲计划 826NYC 的筹款活动。
The book is called Noisy Outlaws, Unfriendly Blobs, and Some Other Things That Aren't As Scary, Maybe, Depending on How You Feel About Lost Lands, Stray Cellphones, Creatures in the Sky, Parents Who Disappear in Peru, a Man Named Lars Farf, and One Other Story We Couldn't Quite Finish so Maybe You Could Help Us Out.
这本书的名字是《吵闹的亡命之徒》、《不友好的斑点》以及其他一些可能不那么可怕的事情，这取决于你对失落的土地、流浪手机、天空中的生物、在秘鲁失踪的父母、一个名叫拉尔斯·法夫的人的感觉，以及另一个我们无法完全完成的故事，也许你可以帮助我们。
That would be the name of the book right there.
这就是那本书的名字。
That's the entire name.
这就是整个名字。
Lemony Snicket's in the book, too.
莱蒙·斯尼基特也在书中出现。
Well, our program was produced today by Jane Feltes and myself without Alex Blumberg, [UNINTELLIGIBLE], Diane Cook, Sarah Koenig, and Lisa Pollak.
好吧，我们今天的节目是由 Jane Feltes 和我自己制作的，没有 Alex Blumberg、[无法理解]、Diane Cook、Sarah Koenig 和 Lisa Pollak。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Elizabeth Meister runs our website.
伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister) 负责运营我们的网站。
Production from Todd Bachmann, the Catholic.
由天主教徒托德·巴赫曼 (Todd Bachmann) 制作。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] Ladies and gentlemen, this is very last week when you can call in and get on the radio by telling us your true, honest to God, it really happened scary stories for our Halloween show, which is just around the corner.
[致谢]女士们先生们，这是上周，你们可以打电话并通过广播告诉我们你们真实的、诚实的上帝，我们的万圣节节目确实发生了可怕的故事，万圣节节目即将来临。
To get on the radio, call our hot-line.
要收听广播，请拨打我们的热线。
1-866-66-SCARY.
1-866-66-可怕。
You know, you can download today's program in our archives at audible.com/thisamericanlife.
您知道，您可以在我们的档案库中下载今天的节目：audible.com/thisamericanlife。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight from Mr. Torey Malatia, who came up to me earlier and asked, [VOICE OF NICK HORNBY] "OK, I'm not being rude, but what do you do in this team?"
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理监督来自 Torey Malatia 先生，他早些时候来找我并问道，[NICK HORNBY 的声音]“好吧，我没有粗鲁，但是你在这个团队中做什么？”
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。