284: Should I Stay or Should I Go? - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #284 | March 11, 2005 284: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 284 集 | 2005 年 3 月 11 日 284：我应该留下还是应该走？
Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass At first you don't really think about it, Bobby says.
序言 Ira Glass 一开始你并没有真正考虑过它，Bobby 说。
He got drafted to play professional baseball for the Cubs, was sent to the minor leagues like most players are.
他被选中为小熊队打职业棒球，然后像大多数球员一样被送到小联盟。
And for the first few years, he says, you don't wonder if you'll make it.
他说，在最初的几年里，你不会怀疑自己是否能成功。
You know you'll make it.
你知道你会成功的。
For one thing, the evidence is everywhere.
一方面，证据无处不在。
You see it all the time.
你经常看到它。
You're in AA or even in A-ball and somebody does get the call.
你在 AA 甚至 A-ball 中，确实有人接到电话。
We had a shortstop when I was with the Reds.
当我在红军效力时，我们有一名游击手。
His name was Travis Dawkins.
他的名字叫特拉维斯·道金斯。
His nickname's Gookie Dawkins.
他的绰号是古基·道金斯。
And Barry Larkin got hurt in the big leagues, and the phone call came into the manager's office.
巴里·拉金在大联盟受伤了，电话打进了经理办公室。
And all of a sudden, this buzz started taking over the clubhouse.
突然之间，这种嗡嗡声开始占领俱乐部会所。
And it was about Gookie.
这是关于古基的。
Gookie's going to the show.
古奇要去看演出。
And I remember him cleaning out his locker, getting ready to get on the next flight to Cincinnati.
我记得他清理了他的储物柜，准备搭乘下一班飞往辛辛那提的航班。
So he's your buddy, and you're watching him clean out his locker to go.
所以他是你的朋友，你正在看着他清理他的储物柜然后离开。
Yeah, and that's happened quite a bit.
是的，这样的事情已经发生过很多次了。
Quite a bit.
相当多。
By his third year, out of the 52 guys Bobby was drafted with, only 15 were still playing ball.
到了第三年，鲍比被选中的 52 名球员中，只有 15 人还在打球。
In his fourth year, he was traded.
第四年，他被交易。
By his seventh year, he was sitting on the bench a lot.
到了第七年，他就经常坐在板凳上。
Then he broke his wrist and had a hard time finding a team who would pick him up.
然后他手腕骨折了，很难找到愿意接他的团队。
And I think I was pretty rusty, and I was pretty discouraged.
我觉得我很生疏，而且很灰心。
I really thought that the time might be sooner than later that I was out of the game.
我真的认为我迟早会被淘汰。
There were quite a bit of people that said, is this it?
很多人都说，是这个吗？
Can you go back?
你能回去吗？
And the questions started coming, and more regularly as I continued to play.
随着我继续玩，问题开始出现，而且越来越频繁。
How would people say it?
人们会怎么说呢？
Were they sheepish about it?
他们对此感到羞怯吗？
Or they just didn't even know to be sheepish about it?
或者他们根本不知道要对此感到羞怯？
I wish they were sheepish about it, frankly.
坦率地说，我希望他们对此感到羞怯。
It's frustrating when people would ask.
当人们询问时，这很令人沮丧。
I was always very uncomfortable when people would ask me those type of questions.
当人们问我这类问题时，我总是感到很不舒服。
But then his season improved.
但随后他的赛季有所改善。
He actually wen on a kind of streak.
他实际上一直在连续前进。
And his whole vision of where he was heading came back to him.
他又想起了自己要去的地方。
And that's what keeps somebody going in this situation.
这就是让某人在这种情况下继续前进的原因。
There had always been so much proof, you know.
你知道，一直以来都有很多证据。
He'd been a high school star, an all-state and a college star, an all-Big Ten, and his brother Hal Morris was playing for the Reds.
他曾是一名高中明星、全州明星和大学明星、十大联盟明星，他的兄弟哈尔·莫里斯正在为红军效力。
It's like what happens in a casino.
这就像赌场里发生的事情一样。
You win enough at the time to keep you going, to keep you in the game.
你当时赢得的胜利足以让你继续前进，让你继续参与游戏。
It feels like the big win is right around the corner.
感觉大胜利就在眼前。
What got Bobby to finally quit was that that vision of his future was replaced with a different vision of who he might become.
让鲍比最终放弃的原因是，他对未来的愿景被对他可能成为的人的不同愿景所取代。
At the beginning of his 10th year, he couldn't get onto an affiliated team.
在他的第10个年头，他无法进入附属球队。
He went to the independent leagues, a step down.
他去了独立联盟，降级了。
And when he showed up for spring training and looked around at the other guys, he thought to himself, he was seeing a lot of guys who'd hung on for too long, and wondered if that's who he was becoming.
当他参加春训并环顾四周的其他人时，他心想，他看到了很多坚持太久的人，并想知道他是否会成为这样的人。
And during one of their very first practice games, he suddenly found he'd decided.
在他们的第一场练习赛中，他突然发现自己已经决定了。
My last at-bat-- I know I've got three at-bats.
我的最后一次击球——我知道我已经击球三次了。
I grounded out to second base, and I did know.
我退到二垒，我确实知道。
I knew that was it, certainly.
我知道就是这样，当然。
I think the moment the ball was off of my bat, I had a thought that this might be the last one.
我想当球离开我的球棒的那一刻，我就想到这可能是最后一个。
And I ran by, the throw beat me by a couple of steps, and I kept running as hard as I can through the bag.
我跑过去，投掷把我甩了几步，我继续尽我所能地跑过袋子。
And I just kind of kept going out to the outfield a little bit.
我只是不断地去外场。
I remember thinking after, as I'm decelerating down the baseline, just thinking, well, if this is my last one, it's kind of apropos, because I gave it everything I had.
我记得当我在基线上减速时，我想，好吧，如果这是我的最后一次，那就合适了，因为我已经付出了我所拥有的一切。
I ran down to first with everything I had, and it just wasn't enough to get me there in time.
我竭尽全力跑到了第一名，但这还不足以让我及时到达那里。
For years, he'd been wrestling with this decision, and then that was that.
多年来，他一直在为这个决定而苦苦挣扎，然后就这样了。
He was past deciding.
他已经无法做出决定了。
It was done, which I think is pretty much how these kinds of big decisions always go.
它已经完成了，我认为这几乎就是此类重大决策的一贯方式。
He went to the batting cage, he hit for a while, for the last time, and then he told his coaches.
他去了击球笼，打了一会儿，这是最后一次，然后他告诉了他的教练。
Well, from WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life , distributed by Public Radio International.
好吧，这是芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》，由国际公共广播电台发行。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today on our radio program, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" We have three stories of people with big decisions to make, usually, like Bobby, between the practical thing, the thing that everybody expects of them, and some vision of something that they just can't give up.
今天我们的广播节目“我应该留下还是应该走？”我们有三个关于人们需要做出重大决定的故事，通常像鲍比一样，在实际的事情、每个人对他们的期望的事情和他们无法放弃的事情的一些愿景之间做出决定。
Act One of our show, "The Karachi Kid," in which a college student has to decide whether to stay in America, where he's been going to school, or go back to Pakistan where his family is, because as everybody knows, you can't wipe on and wipe off your visa status.
我们的节目《卡拉奇小子》的第一幕，一名大学生必须决定是留在他上学的美国，还是回到他家人所在的巴基斯坦，因为众所周知，你的签证状态是无法抹去的。
Act Two, "Not Far From the Tree." Two software engineers at Apple Computer get fired and then simply refuse to leave.
第二幕，“离树不远”。苹果电脑公司的两名软件工程师被解雇，然后拒绝离开。
Act Three, "Because I'm the Mommy, That's Why." A nine-year-old girl has to decide what to do when her mom runs away, runs away with her and her sister in tow.
第三幕，“因为我是妈妈，所以就是这样。”一个九岁的女孩必须决定当她的妈妈带着她和她的妹妹逃跑时该怎么办。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One.
第一幕。
"The Karachi Kid." Muhammad Kamran is an IT student at Drexel University in Philadelphia.
“卡拉奇小子”。 Muhammad Kamran 是费城德雷塞尔大学的 IT 学生。
He worked and saved for two years to get the money to come to the States, where there are all sorts of difficulties to get a visa.
他工作并存了两年的钱才攒够钱来美国，而在美国获得签证有各种各样的困难。
He's a good student, an observant Muslim, doesn't drink.
他是一个好学生，一个虔诚的穆斯林，不喝酒。
When he and his American friends go to bars, he sits there with his Diet Cokes.
当他和他的美国朋友去酒吧时，他会拿着健怡可乐坐在那里。
And after being here for school all these years, he's not so sure he wants to go home to Pakistan when he graduates.
在这里上学这么多年之后，他不太确定毕业后是否想回巴基斯坦。
But he's the eldest son.
但他是长子。
He's expected to go home and care for his parents as they get older.
当父母年老时，他应该回家照顾他们。
It's not that I don't want to take care of them.
并不是我不想照顾他们。
It's just that I want to do both.
只是我想两者都做。
And I'm trying to figure out, what am I going to do?
我试图弄清楚，我该怎么办？
So in the fall, when he went home for the first time in four years, he knew his family was going to do everything possible to convince him to move back to Pakistan after college-- introduce him to marriageable women, show him how modern Karachi has become.
因此，秋天，当他四年来第一次回家时，他知道家人会尽一切努力说服他大学毕业后搬回巴基斯坦——向他介绍适婚女性，向他展示卡拉奇已经变得多么现代。
He took a tape recorder with him on the trip.
旅途中他随身携带了一台录音机。
His radio diary begins right before he's about to head home.
他的广播日记在他即将回家之前开始。
The most prominent emotion that I have right now is like, oh, my God, it's been so, so long.
我现在最强烈的情感是，哦，天哪，已经过去了这么久了。
I wonder how everything is, and how everyone is.
我想知道一切都怎么样，每个人都怎么样。
My cousins and my brother-- my brother was 16 when I left and his voice was just breaking then.
我的表兄弟和我的兄弟——我离开时我兄弟16岁，那时他的声音刚刚开始破碎。
And now he's a man.
现在他是一个男人了。
He's taller than me.
他比我高。
I'm just so excited to go there and see everything.
我很高兴能去那里看到一切。
I'm also scared.
我也很害怕。
People say it's changed a lot.
人们说变化很大。
It's become modern and all that.
它已经变得现代了等等。
A lot of multinationals have been investing.
许多跨国公司都在投资。
Restaurants have opened up and there are a lot of clubs and all that kind of stuff.
餐馆已经开业，还有很多俱乐部和诸如此类的东西。
So I'm just scared to see what's there for me now.
所以我只是害怕看到我现在有什么。
When my parents sent me to college and stuff, it was understood that, once you finish college, you will come back.
当我的父母送我上大学之类的时候，我就明白，一旦你完成大学学业，你就会回来。
There are no two ways about it.
对此没有两种方法。
And at the time, I was like, yeah, definitely.
当时，我想，是的，绝对是。
But now that I've been here, and I see so many opportunities, I want to stay here and explore what else is here.
但现在我已经来到这里，并且看到了很多机会，我想留在这里并探索这里还有什么。
Because it's the US.
因为那是美国。
The world comes here to study and work.
世界来到这里学习和工作。
I took so hard to get here.
我费了好大劲才来到这里。
Why am I going back?
我为什么要回去？
But then-- why am I going back?
但那么——我为什么要回去呢？
Because my family, my parents.
因为我的家人，我的父母。
I just reached Karachi.
我刚刚到达卡拉奇。
Getting off the baggage claim and getting all my stuff now.
离开行李认领处，现在就可以拿到我所有的东西了。
The flight was great.
这次飞行很棒。
I sat next to this guy, a Pakistani businessman who was just coming back from Germany.
我坐在这个人旁边，他是一位刚从德国回来的巴基斯坦商人。
He was telling me that him and his cousin were debating going to college in the US, but at the last minute his dad stopped him and he did not go.
他告诉我，他和他的表弟正在讨论去美国上大学的事，但在最后一刻他爸爸阻止了他，他没有去。
But he has no regrets.
但他并不后悔。
He likes being in Pakistan, because of the religion and the culture and whatnot.
他喜欢待在巴基斯坦，因为那里的宗教、文化等等。
So I'm in a rickshaw right now.
所以我现在在人力车上。
I just bargained to get from Center City Karachi to my house for $1.
我刚刚讨价还价，以 1 美元从卡拉奇市中心到我家。
For one dollar.
一美元。
You've got people honking.
You've got people honking.
There's no concept of courtesy or braking.
没有礼貌或刹车的概念。
I must admit, I used to drive the same way before.
我必须承认，我以前也是这样开车的。
But there's no concept of lanes.
但没有车道的概念。
In a place where the US would have two lanes, we have about one, two, three, four-- six lanes made out of two lanes' equivalent in the US.
在美国有两条车道的地方，我们有大约一、二、三、四——六条车道，由美国两条车道的等效车道组成。
Oh, [BLEEP], there are cows crossing in the middle of the road.
哦，[BLEEP]，有牛在马路中间过马路。
This is no system of driving or anything.
这不是驾驶系统或任何东西。
That's about it.
就是这样。
The first three or four days, I was sick.
最初的三四天，我病了。
My stomach was running.
我的胃在运转。
I was hot.
我很热。
I felt like an American.
我感觉自己像个美国人。
My God, I was complaining, I was bitching about it.
天哪，我在抱怨，我在抱怨。
I was like, what the hell is this?
我当时想，这到底是什么？
Who wants to live here?
谁想住在这里？
It was hot.
天气很热。
I made it a point to have a yogurt drink every morning just to cool my body down.
我每天早上都会喝一杯酸奶，只是为了给身体降温。
I was very cut back the fourth day, but the fifth day, I was like, OK, this is where I grew up, so I shouldn't complain.
第四天我很沮丧，但第五天，我想，好吧，这是我长大的地方，所以我不应该抱怨。
This is where I come from.
这就是我来自的地方。
How can I start thinking that I'm a foreigner, even though I felt like one.
我怎么会开始认为自己是外国人，尽管我感觉自己像外国人。
So I told my dad.
于是我告诉了我爸爸。
He definitely wants me to stay in Pakistan or Dubai and work here.
他肯定希望我留在巴基斯坦或迪拜并在这里工作。
So you think I should stay in Pakistan, Abu?
那么你认为我应该留在巴基斯坦，阿布？
Well, after 9/11, you should consider staying back here.
好吧，9/11 之后，你应该考虑回到这里。
Why after 9/11?
为什么是在9/11之后？
Father It's all in the press, you see.
父亲 这一切都在媒体上，你看。
They're saying that there's discrimination against Muslims.
他们说存在对穆斯林的歧视。
I talked to my dad about this.
我和我爸爸谈过这件事。
And he kept switching reasons.
而且他不断变换理由。
He kept saying that, why I should come back to Pakistan, because of-- the first reason he gave was discrimination against Muslims and Arabs.
他一直说，为什么我应该回到巴基斯坦，因为他给出的第一个原因是对穆斯林和阿拉伯人的歧视。
And then he said that I should move home because everything's going to be set up for me.
然后他说我应该搬回家，因为一切都会为我安排好。
I don't have to worry about a house or a car or food and all that.
我不必担心房子、汽车或食物等等。
You don't have to start fresh here.
您不必在这里重新开始。
We can provide you everything.
We can provide you everything.
And then you just have to work.
然后你只需要工作。
And then he said that there would be all these opportunities for me, because all these companies are investing in Pakistan.
然后他说我会有所有这些机会，因为所有这些公司都在巴基斯坦投资。
Companies like Halliburton.
像哈里伯顿这样的公司。
Muhammad Kamran But you know who owns Halliburton.
穆罕默德·卡姆兰 但你知道谁拥有哈里伯顿。
Well, that Dick Cheney.
嗯，就是那个迪克·切尼。
Muhammad Kamran Oh, so you know he owns it.
穆罕默德·卡姆兰哦，所以你知道他拥有它。
Even Bill Gates came and sent a message to our president.
甚至比尔·盖茨也来给我们的总统发了一条信息。
I will do some research on this and see if Microsoft is opening something in Pakistan.
我会对此进行一些研究，看看微软是否会在巴基斯坦开放一些东西。
Not that it's funny, but the way he put it was so silly.
并不是说这很有趣，而是他的表达方式太愚蠢了。
He's just being a dad.
他只是当了一个父亲。
So I'm on my way to pick up my friend Binti, who has been my friend for a long, long time.
我正要去接我的朋友 Binti，她是我很久很久以前的朋友了。
She now works for a multinational in Karachi.
她现在在卡拉奇的一家跨国公司工作。
So, Kamran, how's Hani?
那么，卡姆兰，哈尼怎么样？
Is she your girlfriend?
她是你女朋友吗？
No, actually, she's one of my school friends.
不，实际上，她是我学校的朋友之一。
Girls and boys can never be friends.
女孩和男孩永远不可能成为朋友。
So cut the crap.
所以废话少说。
Is she your girlfriend?
她是你女朋友吗？
Would you want her to be your girlfriend?
你愿意让她做你的女朋友吗？
Uh, no. Why do you ask?
呃，不。你为什么问？
Binti [SPEAKING ARABIC]
Binti [阿拉伯语]
[UNINTELLIGIBLE PHRASE] for the American citizens.
[难以理解的短语]针对美国公民。
You guys suck.
你们真糟糕。
Muslims rule, damn it.
穆斯林统治，该死。
You guys just put on this act of freedom and stuff.
你们只是表现出自由之类的行为。
But you guys are full of [BLEEP].
但你们充满了[BLEEP]。
No, actually, Muslims are nice people.
不，事实上，穆斯林是好人。
Give them a break.
让他们休息一下。
[SINGING] Give me a break.
[唱歌] 让我休息一下。
Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar.
给我切下一块奇巧巧克力棒。
You think I should come back to Pakistan.
你认为我应该回到巴基斯坦。
Oh, yes, I think you should.
哦，是的，我想你应该这样做。
Because it's your own country.
因为那是你自己的国家。
How old are you?
你今年多大？
25?
25？
OK.
好的。
So at 25, you decide whether you're going to be an American for the rest of your life, away from your friends, away from your family, away from your food, away from me, yes.
所以在25岁时，你决定是否要在余生中成为一个美国人，远离你的朋友，远离你的家人，远离你的食物，远离我，是的。
Or you want to be in Pakistan, maybe getting a little less salary.
或者你想去巴基斯坦，也许工资少一点。
But then, who cares?
但是，谁在乎呢？
You'll get used to that salary.
你会习惯这个薪水的。
If, once you go to the States, you're used to earning a high salary, you'll never come back to Pakistan and be happy.
如果你一旦去了美国，就习惯了高薪，那么你回到巴基斯坦就永远不会快乐。
It's all about what you are used to in life.
这完全取决于你生活中的习惯。
What you don't have, you don't miss.
你没有的东西，你就不会错过。
Right?
正确的？
So--
所以——
So the two aunts and my mother are just-- they're always together.
所以两位阿姨和我母亲就——她们总是在一起。
So it's always very [UNINTELLIGIBLE PHRASE].
所以它总是非常[难以理解的短语]。
It's never one of them alone.
他们从来都不是孤身一人。
We cannot picture them alone, because both of them are bitter women.
我们无法单独想象她们，因为她们都是痛苦的女人。
They're really, really funny.
他们真的非常非常有趣。
They're really, really cool, though, because they influence my mother a lot.
不过，它们真的非常非常酷，因为它们对我母亲影响很大。
And so my mother's aunt is trying to hook me up with one of her friend's daughters, whose name is [UNINTELLIGIBLE PHRASE].
所以我母亲的阿姨试图把我和她朋友的一个女儿联系起来，她的名字是[难以理解的短语]。
So I'm going to ask [UNINTELLIGIBLE PHRASE].
所以我要问[难以理解的短语]。
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Woman [SPEAKING ARABIC]
[阿拉伯语] 女人 [阿拉伯语]
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Woman [SPEAKING ARABIC]
[阿拉伯语] 女人 [阿拉伯语]
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Woman [SPEAKING ARABIC]
[阿拉伯语] 女人 [阿拉伯语]
She's saying she's from India, a rich family.
她说她来自印度，一个富裕的家庭。
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Muhammad Kamran She's saying that the girl is very well-behaved.
[阿拉伯语] Muhammad Kamran 她说这个女孩很乖。
So what are you trying to say, that I'm not well-behaved?
那你到底想说什么，说我不乖？
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Muhammad Kamran She's like, she has knowledge of the world as well as the religions.
[阿拉伯语] 穆罕默德·卡姆兰 她就像，她了解世界和宗教。
So she's saying that-- very, very cute-looking.
所以她是这么说的——看起来非常非常可爱。
So I'm going to ask her right now if she can cook and stuff.
所以我现在要问她是否可以做饭之类的。
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
[说阿拉伯语]
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Muhammad Kamran And she's giving me a menu of things that she can cook.
[阿拉伯语] 穆罕默德·卡姆兰 她正在给我一份她可以烹饪的菜品的菜单。
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Muhammad Kamran [SPEAKING ARABIC] She wants me to marry my first cousin, who basically lives in California.
[阿拉伯语] 穆罕默德·卡姆兰 [阿拉伯语] 她希望我嫁给我的表弟，他基本上住在加利福尼亚州。
This is the amount of pressure I get from her.
这就是我从她那里得到的压力。
So we never met [UNINTELLIGIBLE] daughter, who my aunts, [UNINTELLIGIBLE PHRASE], were talking about, who was from India from a very, very rich family or something.
所以我们从未见过[无法理解的]女儿，我的阿姨们，[无法理解的短语]正在谈论她，她来自印度，来自一个非常非常富有的家庭或其他什么。
And then they had set me up with another date.
然后他们又给我安排了另一个约会。
She had a British accent, and she came in a burqa and everything.
她有英国口音，穿着罩袍什么的。
And I never talked with her, because it was like a big group visiting together.
我从来没有和她说过话，因为这就像一大群人一起拜访。
But I wasn't interested.
但我不感兴趣。
It's not that it doesn't appeal to me.
并不是说它对我没有吸引力。
It's just that I would have tried to have it on a mutual basis, that I would like the girl too.
只是我会尝试在相互的基础上拥有它，我也喜欢这个女孩。
And of course I would want to know the girl more.
当然，我想更多地了解这个女孩。
OK, so we're going to this party right now, which I don't know how-- I'm here with my friend Hani.
好的，我们现在就去参加这个聚会，我不知道怎么去——我和我的朋友哈尼在一起。
I can't even see anyone.
我什至看不到任何人。
Great, so this is the scene in Pakistan.
太好了，这就是巴基斯坦的场景。
The party scene.
聚会现场。
There was a party tonight that I went to.
今晚我去参加了一个聚会。
And it was in a massive house.
那是在一座大房子里。
The entrance lounge was turned into a dance floor.
入口休息室变成了舞池。
And one of the rooms had large, large pillows all over the place.
其中一间房间到处都有很大很大的枕头。
And everyone was either smoking up or making out.
每个人要么抽烟，要么亲热。
And there was alcohol and there was actually a bar.
还有酒，实际上还有一家酒吧。
And there was a person mixing drinks.
还有一个人在调饮料。
I noticed there was a bottle of vodka and Pepsi and orange juice.
我注意到有一瓶伏特加、百事可乐和橙汁。
And people were there, just looking all hip just with a glass.
人们在那里，只是拿着玻璃杯看起来很时髦。
It was-- to be frank, it looked so artificial.
坦率地说，它看起来很做作。
I'm sure they must be having fun.
我确信他们一定玩得很开心。
Pakistan, being a very strict Muslim country-- alcohol is not sold publicly and stuff.
巴基斯坦是一个非常严格的穆斯林国家——酒类是不公开出售的。
And it's only a few shops that can sell it.
而且只有少数商店可以卖。
But people do get around getting alcohol.
但人们确实会避开喝酒。
It's unbelievable how liberal Pakistan has become, at least in this upscale party and stuff.
令人难以置信的是，巴基斯坦变得多么自由，至少在这个高档政党之类的方面是这样。
So we're at the party, and I saw these two girls.
我们在聚会上，我看到了这两个女孩。
And I went up to them.
我走向他们。
I said, hey, what's up?
我说，嘿，怎么了？
Nice party, or something.
Nice party, or something.
And they're like, do we know you?
他们会问，我们认识你吗？
Like, what?
比如，什么？
Because you don't go and talk to any girl at a party, because it's disrespectful.
因为你不能在聚会上和任何女孩说话，因为这是不尊重的。
I had forgotten that.
我已经忘记了。
I forget what was the norms for a party there.
我忘记了那里聚会的规范是什么。
Hi, I'm Hani's single friend.
嗨，我是哈尼的单身朋友。
I scared her away.
I scared her away.
So if I am to move back to Pakistan, I'll probably-- in relative terms, I'll have more money.
因此，如果我要搬回巴基斯坦，相对而言，我可能会有更多的钱。
And I'll have more disposable income, because I'll have a car which is paid for.
我将有更多的可支配收入，因为我将拥有一辆付费汽车。
I'll have a house which is already there.
我将有一所已经在那里的房子。
I'll live with my parents, because that's how it goes.
我会和父母住在一起，因为事情就是这样。
And I'll have to do none of housekeeping, clean my own room at the most.
而且我也不用做家务，顶多打扫自己的房间。
And I have to do no cooking at all.
而且我根本不用做饭。
At all.
完全没有。
And there are no groceries.
而且没有杂货。
And the quality of life is probably going to be much, much better, compared to the quality of life to the US.
与美国的生活质量相比，生活质量可能会好得多。
Well, not probably.
嗯，不太可能。
I'll probably make decent money.
我可能会赚到不少钱。
But it's always going to be like, I'll have to do my own laundry, I'll have to cook, I'll have to clean.
但总是会这样，我必须自己洗衣服，我必须做饭，我必须打扫卫生。
I'm nowhere close to a decision, but I'm really surprised and confused, because it's just-- how do I choose?
我还没有做出决定，但我真的很惊讶和困惑，因为这只是——我该如何选择？
How do you make them talk the same language?
你如何让他们说同一种语言？
How do you make your heart and head talk the same language?
如何让你的心和头脑说同一种语言？
So I'm hanging out with my cousin, Yusef Harman.
So I'm hanging out with my cousin, Yusef Harman.
So, tell me, being the eldest son, do you have any pressures on you from your family?
那么，你告诉我，作为长子，你有没有受到来自家庭的压力？
Oh, a lot.
哦，很多。
A lot.
很多。
You get a lot of pressures.
你会受到很大的压力。
I mean, I can't do anything with asking my mother.
我的意思是，我不能做任何事情去问我妈妈。
All the time, she's after me.
一直以来，她都在追随我。
She's possessive about me.
她对我有占有欲。
She doesn't want me to go for anyone else as yet, probably until the age of 27, or until all my sisters get married.
她还不希望我去找其他人，可能要等到 27 岁，或者直到我所有的姐妹都结婚为止。
So I just can't do anything I want to.
所以我就是不能做任何我想做的事。
That's how it is.
就是这样。
And I could really identify with all that because I was pretty much in the same boat that he is right now.
我真的很认同这一切，因为我现在和他几乎处于同一条船上。
Of course, every single decision is run by your parents, and you consult them.
当然，每一个决定都是由你的父母做出的，你会咨询他们的意见。
Let's say, you know, buying a car.
比方说，你知道，买一辆车。
If I have to buy a car after I graduate, I'll just probably go and buy whatever I want, or whatever falls in my budget.
如果我毕业后必须买一辆车，我可能会去买我想要的任何东西，或者任何在我预算范围内的东西。
But if I'm back home, I need everyone to consent.
但如果我回到家，我需要每个人都同意。
And then my aunt would come back home, and she would say, oh, don't get black, get white.
然后我阿姨回到家，她会说，哦，不要变黑，变白。
Get this, get that.
Get this, get that.
It's all this.
It's all this.
Almost everyone in my family made some argument like this.
我家里几乎每个人都曾有过这样的争论。
I advise you to come to Pakistan and serve you country, to serve the country where you were born.
我建议你来巴基斯坦，为你的国家服务，为你出生的国家服务。
Because America is already an advanced country, and they don't need any intellectual [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
因为美国已经是一个先进国家，他们不需要任何知识分子[难以理解]。
But Pakistan requires many persons who are intellectual and highly educated.
但巴基斯坦需要许多有知识、受过高等教育的人。
That did sort of strike me.
That did sort of strike me.
It's like Pakistan having a brain drain, like people study and then they stay back.
这就像巴基斯坦的人才外流一样，人们学习然后就留下来。
And it does make me feel guilty because I do have to think-- I still love my country, I still have some sense of patriotism towards it.
这确实让我感到内疚，因为我确实必须思考——我仍然爱我的国家，我仍然对它有一定的爱国主义意识。
And I was born there.
And I was born there.
I can never change that.
I can never change that.
I'm driving back home after dropping my friend.
送完朋友后我正开车回家。
And I'm just so in thought right now.
我现在正在思考。
And I don't know what to say.
我不知道该说什么。
I'm really-- I'm 80% percent convinced that I should come back to Pakistan and work here and work for my country and of course my parents.
我真的——我百分之八十确信我应该回到巴基斯坦，在这里工作，为我的国家，当然还有我的父母工作。
It's such a hard decision.
这是一个如此艰难的决定。
I'm so torn.
我很伤心。
I'm so torn.
我很伤心。
I don't know what to do.
我不知道该怎么办。
So I left Karachi yesterday.
所以我昨天离开了卡拉奇。
And my mom was crying at the airport so much.
我妈妈在机场哭得很厉害。
And I was trying to hold back.
我试图阻止。
I'm so homesick.
I'm so homesick.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
我不知道我到底在做什么。
I feel queasy in my stomach for some reason.
出于某种原因，我感到胃部不适。
Maybe it's the plane ride.
也许是坐飞机的原因吧
I'm right over the top of Frankfurt, but all I can think of is Karachi.
我就在法兰克福上方，但我能想到的只有卡拉奇。
Karachi, Karachi, Karachi, Karachi, Karachi.
卡拉奇，卡拉奇，卡拉奇，卡拉奇，卡拉奇。
I got back today at 1:00.
我今天下午 1:00 回来。
When I landed in Philadelphia, I felt so homesick for Karachi, because it's like, it's back to the grind, back to the routine life.
当我抵达费城时，我非常想念卡拉奇，因为它就像回到了苦差事，回到了日常生活。
I just kept thinking of my mom's cooking all of a sudden.
我突然想起妈妈做的饭菜。
The minute it touched down, the plane.
飞机一落地，就到了。
So it's been about a week and two days since I've been back in Philadelphia.
我回到费城已经过去一周又两天了。
And feels kind of strange to be here, because I feel like I'm starting from scratch, everything over again.
来到这里感觉有点奇怪，因为我觉得我从头开始，一切都从头开始。
I don't hang out as much as I used to before, when I was here, before I left.
我不像以前那样经常出去玩，当我在这里的时候，在我离开之前。
I don't know why.
我不知道为什么。
It's just kind of strange.
It's just kind of strange.
Maybe because it's Ramadan, but I don't know.
也许是因为现在是斋月，但我不知道。
But I haven't seen many friends as much.
But I haven't seen many friends as much.
I just feel I should be to myself.
我只是觉得我应该对自己。
I'm a little down, I think.
我想，我有点沮丧。
I've spoken to my parents ever since I got back.
I've spoken to my parents ever since I got back.
And my mom was like, so have you decided anything?
我妈妈说，那你有什么决定了吗？
So I told her, I just got here a week ago.
So I told her, I just got here a week ago.
And they try to call me every other day now.
他们现在试着每隔一天给我打电话。
Usually it was like, you know, I would call them once a week, and they would call the next week.
通常情况下，你知道，我每周会给他们打电话一次，他们会在下周给他们打电话。
So it's like, every time I'm not home, she's like, so how come you didn't pick up your phone?
所以每次我不在家的时候，她都会问，你怎么不接电话呢？
And how come you weren't home?
还有你怎么没在家？
And how come-- where were you?
怎么会——你在哪里？
God, man.
天哪，伙计。
Give me a break.
让我休息一下。
When I was leaving Karachi, when I was leaving the airport, she told me that, whatever you do, we'll be happy with it.
当我离开卡拉奇时，当我离开机场时，她告诉我，无论你做什么，我们都会很高兴。
But I really, really know that they really, really want me to come back.
但我真的真的知道他们真的真的希望我回来。
So it's 21 December, 2004.
So it's 21 December, 2004.
And I got done with finals last Friday.
上周五我完成了期末考试。
And I've just been chilling ever since.
从那时起我就一直感到寒冷。
And I've made my decision to stay.
我已经决定留下来。
After a couple months of being back here in Philadelphia, in the States, everything fell into perspective.
回到美国费城几个月后，一切都变得清晰起来。
My feelings about Karachi faded as time passed and I as I got more involved and busy with my everyday life here.
随着时间的流逝，我对卡拉奇的感觉逐渐消失，我越来越参与并忙碌于这里的日常生活。
Of course, I was almost convinced at the time, when I was in Pakistan in Karachi, to stay back, because I literally went back after almost four years.
当然，当时我在巴基斯坦的卡拉奇，几乎确信要留下来，因为我确实是在差不多四年后才回去的。
Four years of not seeing my friends, my family, my cousins, my grandmother.
四年没有见到我的朋友、家人、表兄弟姐妹和祖母。
And I loved it.
我喜欢它。
And if I was literally waking up every morning thinking of my family, I would have gone back the second day.
如果我每天早上醒来都想着我的家人，我第二天就会回去。
But it's not like that.
但事实并非如此。
I do miss them.
我很想念他们。
I miss them at a normal level.
我以正常的方式想念他们。
I don't terribly, terribly miss them.
我并不是非常非常想念他们。
And once I got back here, I could picture my life back home when I went back.
一旦我回到这里，我就可以想象我回去后的生活。
That scares me.
这让我害怕。
I'll go back home, get a job, make a house, get married, have kids, have the in-laws over every Sunday for dinner.
我会回家，找份工作，盖房子，结婚，生孩子，每周日请公公婆婆过来吃晚饭。
It'll just be the same monotonous routine over and over and over and over again.
这只是一遍又一遍地重复同样单调的例行公事。
Maybe something else is going to happen.
也许还会发生其他事情。
Maybe I'll go watch a movie in between somewhere.
也许我会去某个地方看电影。
And I could picture my life-- well, I couldn't picture it, but I could almost imagine it over here, and what I could be doing.
我可以想象我的生活——好吧，我无法想象，但我几乎可以想象这里的生活，以及我能做什么。
And I imagine a house with white picket fences.
我想象一座有白色尖桩篱笆的房子。
No, I'm just kidding.
不，我只是开玩笑。
Over here, everything is so exciting and everything so result-oriented right away that I can't imagine it.
在这里，一切都是那么令人兴奋，一切都是那么以结果为导向，我无法想象。
That's the excitement of it.
这就是它的兴奋之处。
Muhammad Kamran in Philadelphia.
穆罕默德·卡姆兰在费城。
Coming up, two guys who aren't even officially faced with the choice, should they stay or should they go?
接下来，两个甚至还没有正式面临选择的人，他们应该留下还是应该离开？
They're told to go, leave their jobs, and they decide to stay.
他们被告知要离开，辞掉工作，但他们决定留下来。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International, when our program continues.
一分钟后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life .
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's program, stories of people deciding, should they stay or should they go?
今天的节目，讲述人们决定留下还是离开的故事？
And we've arrived at Act Two of our program.
我们已经进入了计划的第二幕。
Act Two, "Not Far From the Tree."
第二幕，“离树不远”。
There are some situations where it is pretty much taken for granted that you are not going to stay somewhere, like, for example, your boss tells you you no longer have a job.
在某些情况下，您不会留在某个地方几乎是理所当然的，例如，您的老板告诉您不再有工作。
Sometimes, people were driven by a vision and they do not take that practical "no" to mean "no." Amy O'Leary reports.
有时，人们受到愿景的驱使，他们并不认为实际的“不”就是“不”。艾米·奥利里报道。
For Ron [UNINTELLIGIBLE], there was never any question.
对于罗恩[无法理解]来说，从来没有任何问题。
He wasn't going to leave.
他不打算离开。
The project he'd been working on at Apple Computer had been cancelled.
他在苹果电脑公司从事的项目被取消了。
He was out of a job.
他失业了。
But for Ron, it wasn't so simple.
但对于罗恩来说，事情就没那么简单了。
He was 27 and had been working on some version of the software for years, so he wasn't ready to just stop and go home.
他当时 27 岁，多年来一直在开发该软件的某个版本，因此他不准备就此停下来回家。
Having been totally embroiled in a project, working long hours and thinking about little else, to have it canceled and nothing come of it, it just seems like wasted effort.
完全投入到一个项目中，长时间工作，几乎不考虑其他事情，而项目被取消却毫无结果，这看起来就像是白费力气。
So I decided to stay and finish the part that I had been working on my own.
所以我决定留下来完成我自己一直在做的部分。
And so I just kept showing up to work on it.
所以我就一直坚持去做这件事。
The project that made him want to stay, to live off his savings and sneak into work every day for no money, probably won't sound very glamorous.
这个让他想留下来、靠积蓄过活、每天不花钱去上班的项目，听起来可能不会很迷人。
It was a graphing calculator, a software program that would help math students make pictures of complicated equations.
这是一个图形计算器，一个可以帮助数学学生绘制复杂方程图片的软件程序。
Now, to understand why this meant so much to Ron, you've got to understand two things.
现在，要了解为什么这对罗恩如此重要，您必须了解两件事。
One, engineers are generally much more excited about advanced mathematics than the population at large.
第一，工程师通常比一般人对高等数学更感兴趣。
And two, this program wasn't just making little pencil lines on graph paper.
第二，这个程序不仅仅是在方格纸上画小铅笔线。
It was generating gorgeous undulating three-dimensional pictures that changed as you altered the equations.
它正在生成华丽的起伏的三维图像，当你改变方程时，这些图像也会发生变化。
If such a thing can be said, it made calculus sexy.
如果可以这么说，那么微积分就变得很性感了。
I knew that Ron was working despite the end of the project he was working on.
我知道罗恩正在工作，尽管他正在做的项目已经结束了。
That's Greg Robbins.
那是格雷格·罗宾斯。
He would drop by Ron's desk and was impressed with what he saw, so impressed that when Greg's contract ended, he signed on for Ron's project, which wasn't a job really as much as an extended six-month favor.
他会顺便拜访罗恩的办公桌，对他所看到的印象深刻，以至于当格雷格的合同结束时，他签署了罗恩的项目，这实际上并不是一份工作，而是一个延长六个月的恩惠。
I don't remember if we discussed explicitly, but I knew there was no money in this.
我不记得我们是否明确讨论过，但我知道这里面没有钱。
I mean, doing math software is sort of like writing poetry.
我的意思是，做数学软件有点像写诗。
You hope that if you do a great job, you may touch someone.
你希望如果你做得很好，你可以感动别人。
But you don't expect to make money off of it.
但你并不指望从中赚钱。
We just started literally sneaking into the building every day.
我们刚刚开始每天偷偷溜进大楼。
We would show up in the parking lot, look around to see who was there, and as we were approaching the door we would time our walk so that we arrived at the entrance right behind someone.
我们会出现在停车场，环顾四周看看谁在那里，当我们接近门口时，我们会计算步行时间，以便我们在某人后面到达入口。
And they'd open the door and look at us and say, oh, hi, Ron.
他们会打开门，看着我们说，哦，嗨，罗恩。
And we'd walk in with them, tailgating through the door, it's called.
我们会和他们一起走进去，尾随穿过门，这就是所谓的。
Their tactics was-- pretty much, as far as I saw-- when I showed up, I'd let them in.
据我所知，他们的策略几乎是——当我出现时，我会让他们进来。
Tim Dereks was an engineer who was actually paid to come to the office.
蒂姆·德里克斯 (Tim Dereks) 是一名工程师，实际上他是拿薪水来办公室的。
I don't know whether it's because I was one of the few guys they knew, or whether they just happened to come in about the same time I did, but I was probably letting them in at least a couple of times a week.
我不知道是因为我是他们认识的少数人之一，还是他们碰巧和我在同一时间进来，但我可能每周至少让他们进来几次。
The people in the adjacent offices knew we were there.
邻近办公室的人知道我们在那里。
Again, Greg.
再说一遍，格雷格。
Greg Robbins Frequently they knew what we were working on.
Greg Robbins 他们经常知道我们在做什么。
If anyone ever came to us and asked, we were more than happy to talk about it.
如果有人来找我们询问，我们非常乐意谈论它。
Sometimes we would leave out certain details like the fact that it wasn't a real project.
有时我们会忽略某些细节，例如这不是一个真正的项目。
Occasionally, people would ask me, do you work here?
有时候，有人会问我，你在这里工作吗？
And I'd say, no. And then they would assume, oh, that means you're a contractor.
我想说，不。然后他们会认为，哦，这意味着你是承包商。
And I'd explain, well, actually, no. And then they'd say, but then, who's paying you?
我会解释说，实际上，不。然后他们会说，但是，谁付钱给你呢？
And I'd tell them, no one.
我会告诉他们，没有人。
At which point, they'd get it.
到那时，他们就会明白了。
They'd look at me and say, how do you live?
他们会看着我说，你过得怎么样？
And I'd explain, I live simply.
我要解释一下，我生活得很简单。
And then they'd get this really interesting look on her face, and say, but what are you doing here?
然后他们会看到她脸上非常有趣的表情，并说，但你在这里做什么？
What they were doing was very quietly, and very efficiently, building a perfect piece of software.
他们所做的非常安静、非常高效，构建了一个完美的软件。
There weren't any meetings, any office politics, or managers.
没有任何会议、任何办公室政治或经理。
They never compromised.
他们从不妥协。
They never fought.
他们从不打架。
It was the fantasy version of how great work could be if management just evaporated.
这是一个幻想版本，如果管理消失了，工作将会多么伟大。
Occasionally, I would tell people-- I mean, it's true.
有时，我会告诉人们——我的意思是，这是真的。
I did tell people that I reported to Ron.
我确实告诉人们我向罗恩汇报。
Ron would tell people that he reported to me.
罗恩会告诉人们他向我汇报。
In a corporate hierarchy, that's all someone wants to hear.
在公司的等级制度中，这就是人们想听到的一切。
If they know who you report to, then they can fit you into the big picture.
如果他们知道你向谁汇报，那么他们就能让你了解全局。
I slipped up at one point when someone from Facilities came to explain to us that they were moving new engineers into our offices.
有一次，当设施部门的人过来向我们解释他们正在将新工程师调入我们的办公室时，我犯了一个错误。
I was naive.
我很天真。
I told her the same story I told everyone else.
我告诉她我告诉其他人的同样的故事。
She just explained, that's completely inappropriate.
她只是解释说，这是完全不合适的。
She had our badges canceled and expected us to just clear out the offices and leave the building.
她取消了我们的徽章，并希望我们清理办公室并离开大楼。
So we just moved to another set of offices that were empty.
所以我们就搬到了另一套空着的办公室。
For a while, it was hard to find space.
一时间，很难找到空间。
They kept getting displaced by real employees.
他们不断被真正的员工取代。
But then big layoffs hit Apple.
但随后苹果公司遭遇了大规模裁员。
And suddenly there were entire hallways of empty offices for the taking.
突然之间，整个走廊里都是空荡荡的办公室可供占用。
At the same time, news about the project was getting around.
与此同时，有关该项目的消息也传得沸沸扬扬。
Among some engineers at Apple, Ron and Greg's graphing calculator was becoming a kind of underground cause celebre.
在苹果公司的一些工程师中，罗恩和格雷格的图形计算器正在成为一种名人。
Folks knew about us.
人们都知道我们。
And they would literally come to our office at midnight and slip a machine under the door and tell me, OK, Ron, officially this machine doesn't exist.
他们会在半夜来到我们的办公室，把一台机器从门缝底下塞进去，然后告诉我，好吧，罗恩，正式这台机器不存在。
Make sure no one opens the top to look inside.
确保没有人打开顶部查看内部。
Whatever you do, don't take it out of the building.
无论你做什么，都不要把它带出大楼。
And if anyone asks, I don't know you.
如果有人问我，我不认识你。
When an engineer slipped us not one but two hardware prototypes, that just amazed us.
当一位工程师给我们带来的不是一个而是两个硬件原型时，我们感到非常惊讶。
The hardware prototype was Apple's newest computer, still in development.
硬件原型是苹果最新的计算机，仍在开发中。
We had something that was extremely hard to get for the employees at the company.
我们有一些对公司员工来说极其难以获得的东西。
That was extremely rare, because they were hand-built.
这是极其罕见的，因为它们是手工制作的。
It was hard to believe that something which wasn't a real project could have hardware that many real projects would die for.
很难相信一个不是真实项目的东西可能拥有许多真实项目都渴望的硬件。
There was a practical reason that people were sneaking this equipment to them.
人们偷偷地把这些设备送给他们是有实际原因的。
Apple was about to unveil a brand-new machine, the Power PC.
苹果公司即将推出一款全新的机器——Power PC。
The future of the company was riding on it, and Apple's employees were so busy making sure that their old software would run on the new computer that nobody was creating new software-- nobody, that is, except Ron and Greg, whose flashy graphing calculator would be the company's only way to demonstrate the groundbreaking speed of their new machines.
公司的未来就靠它了，苹果公司的员工忙于确保他们的旧软件能够在新计算机上运行，以至于没有人开发新软件——除了罗恩和格雷格，他们华丽的图形计算器将是公司展示新机器突破性速度的唯一方式。
But Greg and Ron faced a problem, the problem, the obstacle that from the beginning seemed completely insurmountable.
但格雷格和罗恩面临着一个问题，这个问题，从一开始似乎完全无法克服的障碍。
When we started undertaking this, we weren't thinking about, how are we going to get in the building?
当我们开始这样做时，我们并没有考虑，我们如何进入大楼？
We're thinking about, how are we going to get it out on a million machines?
我们正在考虑，如何才能在一百万台机器上实现它？
You just don't get software built into the machine without the company's blessing.
没有公司的支持，你就无法将软件内置到机器中。
And then, in the dark of night, the solution to their problem walked right in the door.
然后，在漆黑的夜里，解决他们问题的方法就出现在门口了。
An engineer came into my office at two in the morning, and said to me, there's a factory out in Cork, Ireland.
凌晨两点，一位工程师来到我的办公室，对我说，爱尔兰科克有一家工厂。
And one of the last steps in the production of the machines is to copy from what's called the golden master hard disk onto each hard disk in the factory before it gets put in the box.
机器生产的最后步骤之一是在将其放入盒子之前将所谓的黄金主硬盘复制到工厂的每个硬盘上。
He said, I create the golden master hard disk.
他说，我打造的是金主硬盘。
You get that?
你明白了吗？
Picture, like, the wizard from Lord of the Rings standing there in a halo of light.
想象一下，《指环王》中的巫师站在光环中。
I create the golden master hard disk.
我创建了黄金大师硬盘。
In a very real and pragmatic sense, I decide what does and doesn't ship.
从非常真实和务实的意义上讲，我决定什么可以发布，什么不可以发布。
This is the date that I FedEx the disk.
这是我联邦快递磁盘的日期。
If you come to my office that evening, before anyone else notices, it will be boxed in 30,000 units in the factory.
如果你那天晚上来到我的办公室，在其他人注意到之前，它就会在工厂里装进 30,000 个单位。
Perfect plan.
完美的计划。
Only, after those first 30,000 computers came off the assembly line, Apple execs would notice that something had been slipped onto their machines, and then there's no telling what would happen, or who they would go after.
只是，在第一批 30,000 台电脑下线后，苹果高管会注意到有东西被偷偷溜到了他们的机器上，然后就无法预测会发生什么，或者他们会去追捕谁。
So Ron and Greg came up with a different plan.
所以罗恩和格雷格想出了一个不同的计划。
It was probably the gutsiest, most radical ideal of all.
这可能是最勇敢、最激进的理想。
Schedule a meeting, bring in management, and admit everything.
安排一次会议，引入管理层，并承认一切。
Ron [UNINTELLIGIBLE] showed up one day and said, hey, I have something neat to show you.
有一天，罗恩（无法辨认）出现并说，嘿，我有一些很棒的东西要给你看。
Don Norman would soon become a VP at Apple.
唐·诺曼很快就成为苹果公司的副总裁。
And Ron showed his fantastic graphing calculator, where you could just sort of plug in the equation.
罗恩展示了他出色的图形计算器，您可以在其中插入方程式。
You could play with things.
你可以玩东西。
You could do things that were never possible before.
你可以做以前不可能的事情。
And I said, wow, we've got to ship this in every Macintosh.
我说，哇，我们必须在每台 Macintosh 上提供这个。
And Ron said, well, that's just the problem.
罗恩说，好吧，这就是问题所在。
Because, well, it turned out that Ron didn't exist.
因为，好吧，事实证明罗恩并不存在。
Not in the company records, anyway.
无论如何，公司记录中没有。
But here he was, demonstrating the calculator in front of 15 managers who watched, captivated, for more than an hour as Ron let the software speak for itself.
但他在这里，在 15 名经理面前演示了这款计算器，他们着迷地观看了一个多小时，罗恩让软件自己说话。
They all nodded and they said, that's great.
他们都点点头，说，太好了。
That's perfect.
那很完美。
This exactly demonstrates everything we've been talking about for months.
这准确地证明了我们几个月来一直在谈论的一切。
Why didn't we hear about this before?
为什么我们之前没有听说过这个？
Who do you work for?
你为谁工作？
Why didn't they tell us?
他们为什么不告诉我们？
At which point, I told them, well, actually the project was cancelled three months ago.
这时，我告诉他们，实际上这个项目在三个月前就被取消了。
I don't actually work here.
我实际上并不在这里工作。
And everyone laughed and I thought I was kidding and said, no, really, who do you work for?
每个人都笑了，我以为我在开玩笑，然后说，不，真的，你为谁工作？
And then there was a moment of awkward silence until they realized I was serious.
然后是一阵尴尬的沉默，直到他们意识到我是认真的。
Then they told me, well, we really want to ship this.
然后他们告诉我，好吧，我们真的很想发货。
Don't repeat your story.
不要重复你的故事。
We'll figure something out.
我们会想出办法的。
And at that point, things got really weird.
那时，事情变得非常奇怪。
The folks in charge have adopted us.
负责人收养了我们。
They do want to ship this.
他们确实想运送这个。
And they're assigning people to work on it.
他们正在指派人员去做这件事。
And at the same time that paid employees are working on it, I'm in the middle of managing all of this while Greg and I are still sneaking into the building.
与此同时，带薪员工正在处理这件事，而我正在管理这一切，而格雷格和我仍在偷偷溜进大楼。
In the end, after six months of work, the software was so reliable, so uncrashable, that it became the software Apple used to test sick computers.
最终，经过六个月的工作，该软件非常可靠，不会崩溃，以至于成为苹果用来测试有问题的计算机的软件。
If your machine wasn't working, but it wasn't clear how serious things were, Apple Technical Support would tell you to run the graphing calculator overnight.
如果您的机器无法工作，但不清楚问题有多严重，Apple 技术支持会告诉您连夜运行图形计算器。
Then, if your computer crashed the uncrashable graphing calculator, you officially had a hardware problem.
然后，如果您的计算机使无法崩溃的图形计算器崩溃，那么您就正式遇到了硬件问题。
It was also so curious and impressive, with its shifting, spinning, multicolored shapes, that Apple used it in sales demonstrations and computer stores simply to draw people over to the machines.
它的变化、旋转、多彩的形状也非常令人好奇和令人印象深刻，苹果公司在销售演示和电脑商店中使用它只是为了吸引人们到机器前。
So after all this, the graphing calculator was installed on not just a million machines, but on more than 20 million Apple computers worldwide.
因此，在这一切之后，图形计算器不仅安装在 100 万台机器上，而且安装在全球超过 2000 万台苹果电脑上。
Ron and Greg eventually got a modest check for their work and went on to other jobs elsewhere.
罗恩和格雷格最终得到了一份微薄的工作支票，并继续在其他地方从事其他工作。
For years, Ron only told the story at parties, but recently, he posted it on the internet, where he received a flood of responses from other software engineers.
多年来，罗恩只在聚会上讲述这个故事，但最近，他将其发布到互联网上，并收到了其他软件工程师的大量回复。
Some said Ron and Greg were losers, that they were taken advantage of.
有人说罗恩和格雷格是失败者，他们被利用了。
I was surprised when I first heard someone say that we had been used by the company, because for us, we were doing what we wanted to do, to have created something that people remember, that they can say, yeah, when I first saw that, I was blown away.
当我第一次听到有人说我们被公司利用时，我感到很惊讶，因为对我们来说，我们正在做我们想做的事情，创造出人们记住的东西，他们可以说，是的，当我第一次看到它时，我被震撼了。
You know, that's just an immense achievement.
你知道，这只是一项巨大的成就。
Again, Tim Dereks, who'd been letting them in the door for months.
又是蒂姆·德里克斯，几个月来他一直让他们进门。
And so, true, from one perspective he did that for Apple for free.
因此，确实，从某种角度来看，他是免费为苹果公司做这件事的。
But on the other perspective, Apple did this for him, and it's something he couldn't have gotten otherwise.
但从另一个角度来看，苹果为他做到了这一点，这是他无法通过其他方式得到的。
I think if you offered an independent filmmaker-- you know what, we're not going to give you any money.
我想如果你提供了一位独立电影制片人——你知道吗，我们不会给你任何钱。
You're going to have to beg, borrow, or steal all the equipment, but you make a one-minute film and we'll air it during the Super Bowl.
你将不得不乞讨、借用或偷走所有的设备，但你制作了一部一分钟的电影，我们将在超级碗期间播出。
I don't know of any true artist filmmaker who wouldn't jump at that chance.
我不知道有哪个真正的艺术家电影制片人不会抓住这个机会。
This whole story appeals to our ideas about what a job can be, that if we do we want, if we do what we love, and do it our way, that eventually we'll be proven right and the whole company will be better for it.
整个故事吸引了我们关于工作是什么的想法，如果我们做我们想做的事，如果我们做我们喜欢的事情，并以我们的方式做，最终我们将被证明是正确的，整个公司也会因此而变得更好。
But not so fast.
但没那么快。
It's a fluke when it works out this well.
当事情进展顺利时，这是一个侥幸。
Even Ron and Greg don't think it could happen to them again.
就连罗恩和格雷格也不认为这种事会再次发生在他们身上。
They're still writing software, though.
不过，他们仍在编写软件。
Ron works for himself, Greg for another company.
罗恩为自己工作，格雷格为另一家公司工作。
These days, they both get paid.
这些天，他们都得到了报酬。
To be honest, Greg says, it's not quite as fun as it used to be.
格雷格说，说实话，现在已经不像以前那么有趣了。
He swipes his badge in in the mornings, and he never stays nights.
他早上刷卡上班，晚上从不过夜。
Amy O'Leary in New York City.
艾米·奥利里在纽约。
Act Three: Because I'm The Mommy, That's Why Ira Glass Act Three, "Because I'm the Mommy, That's Why."
第三幕：因为我是妈妈，所以艾拉·格拉斯 第三幕：“因为我是妈妈，所以”。
Virginia Holman's mom became schizophrenic in the '70s, when understanding and diagnosis and treatment were not as forthcoming as they are today.
弗吉尼亚·霍尔曼 (Virginia Holman) 的母亲在 70 年代患上了精神分裂症，当时的理解、诊断和治疗并不像今天那么容易。
We end our show with this story, how Virginia and her sister were dragged along on a "Should I Go" sort of mission.
我们以这个故事结束我们的节目，弗吉尼亚和她的妹妹如何被拖着去执行“我应该去”之类的任务。
Actress Catherine Keener reads.
女演员凯瑟琳·基纳在朗读。
Until my mother told us, my sister and I hadn't a clue we were being kidnapped.
在我母亲告诉我们之前，我和姐姐都不知道我们被绑架了。
I simply came home from school one afternoon, and my mother told me we were going to our cottage in Kecatan for a couple of days.
一天下午我刚刚放学回家，妈妈告诉我我们要去凯卡坦的小屋待几天。
She said my father would join us there.
她说我父亲会去那里和我们一起去。
There was nothing in her manner that made me uneasy.
她的态度并没有让我感到不安。
I do recall that she seemed especially happy.
我记得她看起来特别高兴。
Though I didn't realize it at the time, the voices in her head were telling her that she had been chosen to help serve her country in a secret war.
尽管我当时没有意识到，但她脑海中的声音告诉她，她被选中在一场秘密战争中帮助她的国家服务。
Her mission was to set up a field hospital at the cottage.
她的任务是在小屋里建立一所野战医院。
Hundreds of orphaned children would travel to our cottage at night.
数百名孤儿会在晚上来到我们的小屋。
We were to treat their injuries and evacuate them to safety.
我们要治疗他们的伤势并将他们疏散到安全的地方。
But right then, getting into the car, I knew none of that.
但就在那时，当我上了车时，我对这些一无所知。
I just sang along with the songs on the radio as we drove out of Virginia Beach.
当我们开车离开弗吉尼亚海滩时，我只是跟着收音机里的歌曲唱歌。
Our dog Ralph hung his huge gray head out of the passenger-side window.
我们的狗拉尔夫把他灰色的大脑袋伸出了乘客侧的窗户。
"Goodbye, Oyster Point Village," my mother called as we left our townhouse court.
“再见，牡蛎角村，”当我们离开联排别墅庭院时，我母亲喊道。
"Goodbye, pool.
“再见，泳池。
Goodbye, [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
再见，[无法辨认]。
Goodbye, Tammy Sugarman's house.
再见，塔米·休格曼的房子。
Goodbye.
再见。
Goodbye." She was ecstatic.
再见。”她欣喜若狂。
When we hit the Hampton Roads tunnel, John Denver was singing "Thank God I'm a Country Boy," and my mother sang louder and harder than I'd ever seen, waving her head in the wind, laughing so hard tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes.
当我们到达汉普顿路隧道时，约翰·丹佛正在唱“感谢上帝，我是一个乡村男孩”，我母亲唱得比我见过的更大声、更卖力，她在风中摇着头，笑得很厉害，泪水从眼角挤出来。
My sister Emma was in the back seat, clapping her hands and growling, her latest trick.
我妹妹艾玛坐在后座上，一边拍手一边咆哮，这是她最新的把戏。
She sounded like a puppy.
她听起来像一只小狗。
"Here we go, Gingy," my mother announced as we descended into the mouth of the tunnel.
“我们开始了，金吉，”当我们下降到隧道口时，我母亲宣布。
I held my breath and began to count to see how long I could last.
我屏住呼吸，开始数着自己能坚持多久。
The car went dark.
车子一片漆黑。
The radio signal disappeared.
无线电信号消失了。
And we went under.
然后我们就沉下去了。
The cottage is a tiny place, a 700-square-foot cabin constructed by my grandfather for short-term summer inhabitancy.
小屋很小，是我祖父建造的一个700平方英尺的小木屋，供短期夏季居住。
Its foundation is two inches of poured cement that also serves as the floor.
它的基础是两英寸厚的浇注水泥，也用作地板。
The metal shower stall was purchased at a battleship auction.
金属淋浴间是在战舰拍卖会上购买的。
"First," my mother declared, "we've been ordered to sanitize the premises." She opens the hood of the Volkswagen and pulls out buckets and bottles of ammonia.
“首先，”我母亲宣称，“我们被命令对房屋进行消毒。”她打开大众汽车的引擎盖，拿出几桶和几瓶氨水。
"What do you mean, we've been ordered?
“你的意思是，我们已经接到命令了？
Who ordered us?"
谁命令我们的？”
"That's for me to know, missy.
“这是我要知道的，小姐。
You just do as you're told.
你只要按照别人告诉你的去做就可以了。
You take orders, or they'll court martial you and put you in jail.
你必须服从命令，否则他们就会对你进行军事审判并将你关进监狱。
And I am your superior." My mother has never spoken quite this way before.
而且我是你的上级。”我妈妈以前从来没有这样说过话。
On any other day, I wouldn't hesitate to fight her, but today I do as I am told.
换作其他日子，我都会毫不犹豫地跟她打架，但今天我就照她说的做了。
Mother and I throw sitting covers over the sofa and chairs and set Emma down with a few toys.
妈妈和我把坐垫盖在沙发和椅子上，然后把艾玛和一些玩具放在一起。
We haul the mattresses from the bunk beds into the sun to bleach out the mildew.
我们把床垫从双层床上拖到阳光下，以漂白霉菌。
Mom unpacks two small cans of paint and two new brushes, and we carefully paints the glass of each window in the cottage solid black.
妈妈打开了两小罐油漆和两把新刷子，我们小心翼翼地将小屋里每扇窗户的玻璃漆成纯黑色。
"Now," Mom says, "it's like our very own secret hideout.
“现在，”妈妈说，“这就像我们自己的秘密藏身处。
When we're here at night, we could have the lights on and no one will know." I wonder how much turpentine it's going to take to clean the windows again.
当我们晚上来这里的时候，我们可以把灯开着，没有人会知道。”我想知道再次清洁窗户需要多少松节油。
My cousin Darby runs down from her house two acres over.
我的表弟达比从她两英亩外的房子里跑下来。
My mother's brother, Chuck, built his house on his share of the family property, just to the north of us.
我母亲的兄弟查克（Chuck）在他的家族财产上建造了自己的房子，就在我们的北边。
To our south is the home of my dead grandmother's sister, Purlene.
我们的南边是我已故祖母的妹妹普林的家。
"Are you down for the weekend?" Darby asks me.
“你周末没空吗？”达比问我。
Mom is in the bathroom, arranging the shelves.
妈妈在浴室里整理架子。
"Can you play?" Darby is 11.
“你会玩吗？”达比 11 岁。
I toss my broom and dustpan in the corner and head out the door the way I always do when we're down at the cottage for a weekend, but Mom comes after us.
我把扫帚和簸箕扔在角落里，然后走出门，就像我们周末去小屋度假时一样，但妈妈跟在我们后面。
"Darby, we've important work to do today, and Gingy must stay here to care for young Emma.
“达比，今天我们有重要的工作要做，金吉必须留在这里照顾年轻的艾玛。
I'm so sorry."
我很抱歉。”
My mother is speaking with a British accent all of a sudden.
我妈妈说话突然带着英国口音。
We think she's making a joke, and so Darby and I crack up and keep going.
我们认为她在开玩笑，所以达比和我笑了，然后继续前进。
My mother grabs my arm and begins dragging me back to the house, pulling me backward through the pine needles.
我妈妈抓住我的手臂，开始把我拖回屋里，把我向后拉过松针。
Darby starts crying and yells at my mother, and then flees for her house.
达比开始哭泣并对我母亲大喊大叫，然后逃回她家。
Once we're inside the cottage, Mom bolts the door.
我们一进小屋，妈妈就把门锁上了。
"Can't you see what we have to do?" she says.
“你难道不明白我们必须做什么吗？”她说。
"Other people will not understand.
“其他人不会理解。
You cannot talk about the secret war.
你不能谈论秘密战争。
You have been called to help.
你被叫去帮忙。
This is very important.
这非常重要。
You will do what I say."
你会照我说的去做。”
I feel mother wrap her arms around me, and even though I struggle to get free, I can't.
我感觉到妈妈用双臂拥抱着我，尽管我挣扎着想挣脱，但我做不到。
"I love you.
“我爱你。
You know that," she says.
你知道的，”她说。
"I would never do this if I didn't love you.
“如果我不爱你，我绝不会这么做。
You must help.
你必须帮忙。
This is important.
这很重要。
You will understand."
你会明白的。”
My mother begins keeping notebooks, enormous five-subject spiral-bound books where she records the progress of the secret war.
我母亲开始保存笔记本，这是一本巨大的五个主题的螺旋装订书，她记录了秘密战争的进展。
I sneak a look, but her notes are about as interesting as reading someone's old grocery list.
我偷偷看了一眼，但她的笔记就像阅读某人的旧购物清单一样有趣。
What's exciting is that Mom is always on guard.
令人兴奋的是，妈妈始终保持警惕。
We are always to be on the lookout for clues.
我们总是要寻找线索。
They can be broadcast to her telepathically via the CIA, or they can appear in the environment.
它们可以通过中央情报局通过心灵感应向她广播，也可以出现在环境中。
She takes pictures from art books and magazines, along with the things we've gathered on our walks, and glues them to nearly every surface in the house.
她从艺术书籍和杂志上拍摄照片，以及我们在散步时收集的东西，并将它们粘在房子里的几乎每个表面上。
Clues also come in other forms, and I discover the thing that every treasure hunter or private eye must know, that once you have a bit of code, a sign, a clue, it's impossible to stop looking for more.
线索也以其他形式出现，我发现每个宝藏猎人或私家侦探都必须知道的事情是，一旦你有了一点代码、一个标志、一条线索，就不可能停止寻找更多。
It's addictive.
这很容易上瘾。
The world as you know it ceases to exist and is replaced with a universe bottomless with intrigue.
你所知道的世界不再存在，取而代之的是一个充满阴谋的无底宇宙。
For me, it is like being Nancy Drew, without the red sports car or any real case to crack.
对我来说，这就像是南希·德鲁，没有红色跑车，也没有任何需要破解的真实案件。
Mother, Emma, and I take long walks through the marsh, looking for signs.
母亲、艾玛和我在沼泽地里走了很长一段路，寻找迹象。
Mother picks up a dull aluminum can and tosses it back down, but a piece of yellow nylon rope tangled in a blackberry bush means something.
母亲捡起一个暗淡的铝罐，然后把它扔了回去，但一根缠在黑莓丛中的黄色尼龙绳却意味着什么。
I run through the sea grass, bringing her fragments of things to pass judgment on-- an old medicine bottle, boiled crab shell, a moldy corn husk doll.
我跑过海草，给她带来一些碎片来评判——一个旧药瓶、煮过的蟹壳、一个发霉的玉米皮娃娃。
What do these things mean?
这些事情意味着什么？
"Get your pack.
“拿上你的包。
They're coming."
他们来了。”
I sit up and Mom is dressed in blue jeans and a dark jacket.
我坐起来，妈妈穿着蓝色牛仔裤和深色夹克。
The clocks read 3:33.
时钟指向 3 点 33 分。
It's weird to see all the numbers lined up like that, all the same.
看到所有的数字都这样排列，感觉很奇怪，而且都是一样的。
Mom says, "Tonight's a test run.
妈妈说：“今晚是试运行。
Night maneuvers."
夜间演习。”
"I don't want to do night maneuvers," I tell her and roll back under the covers.
“我不想进行夜间演习，”我告诉她，然后滚回被窝里。
"Oh, no, you don't.
“哦，不，你不知道。
We have to do this tonight.
今晚我们必须这样做。
Get your clothes on."
把衣服穿上吧。”
I pull on my brown Toughskins and a green t-shirt.
我穿上棕色硬皮鞋和绿色 T 恤。
The night air is soft and the half-moon lights up the sky.
夜晚的空气柔和，半月照亮了天空。
Mom carries Emma out to the car and lays her in the backseat with a blanket.
妈妈把艾玛抱到车上，给她盖上毯子放在后座上。
"Leave her here.
“把她留在这里。
You'll just wake her," I say.
你只要叫醒她就可以了，”我说。
"She'll be awake when the real thing happens, so she comes."
“当真正的事情发生时，她会醒来，所以她来了。”
We get in the car and Mom takes a scarf out of her pocket.
我们上了车，妈妈从口袋里掏出一条围巾。
"Now I'm going to blindfold you.
“现在我要蒙住你的眼睛。
No peeking.
不准偷看。
Promise." I pull it down around my neck.
答应我。”我把它拉到脖子上。
I find myself wondering how long you can breathe in the trunk of a Volkswagen.
我发现自己想知道在大众汽车的后备箱里你能呼吸多久。
I push these thoughts aside.
我把这些想法抛在一边。
"Here's the deal, Gingy.
“交易就是这样，金吉。
You just don't know how any of this is going to happen, pumpkin.
你只是不知道这一切会如何发生，南瓜。
When the war starts, someone could be taking you out to see the children, someone who is to keep their arrival point a secret, even from you.
当战争开始时，有人可能会带你出去看望孩子们，有人会对他们的到达地点保密，甚至对你保密。
There could also be a kidnapping, someone who takes you away because they don't want you to help the war children.
也可能发生绑架，有人把你带走，因为他们不想让你帮助战争儿童。
The thing is, you never know who's who.
问题是，你永远不知道谁是谁。
That's why we never talk to anyone about the secret war.
这就是为什么我们从不与任何人谈论秘密战争。
That's why you have to always pay attention." She pulls the scarf back over my eyes.
这就是为什么你必须时刻注意。”她把围巾拉回到我的眼睛上。
I close my eyes under the blindfold and lay out a map in my head.
我在眼罩下闭上眼睛，在脑海中画出一张地图。
Mom starts the car.
妈妈发动车子。
I know that my starting point is our driveway and I pay attention to the turns the car makes, trying to anticipate where we're going, but making a list in my head.
我知道我的起点是我们的车道，我会注意汽车的转弯，试图预测我们要去哪里，但在脑海中列出一个清单。
Left turn out of driveway, right turn soon after.
左转出车道，不久后右转。
We seem to drift to the left.
我们似乎向左漂移了。
I hear gravel and sand.
我听到砾石和沙子的声音。
Then we turn around, back onto the street to the right.
然后我们转身，回到右边的街道上。
Then another left.
然后另一个人离开了。
Uphill a bit, gear shift, turn around.
上坡一点，换档，掉头。
We stop.
我们停下来。
Mom helps me out of the car.
妈妈扶我下了车。
Frogs and cicadas, off the road, scrub grass and weeds against the legs of my jeans.
路边的青蛙和蝉在我的牛仔裤腿上擦洗着青草和杂草。
Down a hill, and then we're next to the water.
下了山，我们就到了水边。
Mom has her hand on my shoulder and walks behind me.
妈妈把手放在我的肩膀上，走到我身后。
We're in the woods.
我们在树林里。
The air is cool on my face, and then I could smell the pine needles.
空气吹在脸上很凉爽，然后我就能闻到松针的味道。
We stop, and I hear Mom rustle through her pack.
我们停下来，我听到妈妈沙沙地翻阅她的包裹。
"Your job is to get back to the duck blind.
“你的工作就是回到鸭子盲区。
I'll be waiting for you there." She lights a match for her cigarette, a hiss and then the sharp sulfur smell.
我会在那里等你。”她点燃一根火柴，点燃香烟，发出嘶嘶声，然后闻到刺鼻的硫磺味。
Her hand is back on my shoulder and we keep walking.
她的手又放在我的肩膀上，我们继续走。
I have to keep reminding myself to come back to the list in my head, to focus on this one thing.
我必须不断提醒自己回到脑海中的清单，专注于这一件事。
My mind wanders.
我的思绪飘忽不定。
Then Mom's gone.
然后妈妈就走了。
I realize it just like that.
我就是这样意识到的。
There's no hand on my shoulder, no one pushing me forward, just my own movement.
没有人搭在我的肩膀上，没有人推我前进，只有我自己的动作。
I pull the blindfold down around my neck and wait for my eyes to adjust.
我把脖子上的眼罩拉下来，等待眼睛适应。
From "How To Survive In the Woods," I remember the best way to look for tracks is to look for something irregular in the landscape.
从“如何在树林中生存”中，我记得寻找足迹的最佳方法是在景观中寻找不规则的东西。
Pine needles have fallen here for years, animals come through, deer and dogs, birds.
这里的松针已经掉落多年，动物们也从这里经过，有鹿、狗、鸟。
Once I start looking, it's easy enough to see the line of our path.
一旦我开始观察，就很容易看到我们的路线。
I shuffle my feet all the way.
我一路拖着脚。
I should remember to do that when the war really happens.
当战争真正发生时我应该记得这样做。
I follow the trail to the road.
我顺着小路走向大路。
Mom's dropped me off at the end of beach road.
妈妈让我在海滩路的尽头下车。
Home is a straight-shot half-mile walk.
回家只需步行半英里。
I stop at the cottage to get a glass of milk before I go to the duck blind.
我在小屋停下来喝了一杯牛奶，然后去了鸭子百叶窗。
Mom's stretched out on the sofa.
妈妈在沙发上伸了个懒腰。
"The mosquitoes are awful out there," she yawns.
“外面的蚊子太可怕了，”她打着哈欠。
"What time is it?"
“现在是几奌？”
"4:30." "Not bad for your first time."
“四点三十分。” “第一次来还不错。”
"Thanks," I say.
“谢谢，”我说。
"Sit down with me?"
“和我一起坐吧？”
I sit beside her on the sofa and she strokes my hair.
我坐在她旁边的沙发上，她抚摸着我的头发。
Should I recall this time as horrifying?
我应该记得这次是可怕的吗？
I don't.
我不知道。
At the time, my mother's actions and behavior were incomprehensible.
当时，妈妈的举动和行为让人难以理解。
There was no context in which I could place the bizarre events that were occurring.
我没有任何背景可以描述正在发生的奇怪事件。
If there was ever a moment when things changed, the move to Kecatan was it.
如果说有一个时刻让事情发生了变化，那就是搬到凯卡坦。
At the time, I honestly believed that I could run away if I wanted.
那时，我真诚地相信，如果我想的话，我可以逃跑。
Like the war children my mother expected, I could be an orphan.
就像我母亲期望的战争儿童一样，我可能会成为一个孤儿。
Of course, I didn't run away.
当然，我没有逃跑。
I stayed.
我留下。
And because I stayed, I thought it meant I wanted to stay.
因为我留下来，我认为这意味着我想留下来。
Even at the age of nine, staying with my mother felt like a choice.
即使在九岁的时候，和母亲一起生活也感觉像是一个选择。
Once I had made that choice, I was with my mother in her mission to set up the hospital.
一旦我做出了这个选择，我就和我的母亲一起执行她建立医院的使命。
I decided that I would believe in the secret war.
我决定相信秘密战争。
My mother's delusion became my delusion, not so much a choice as a simple fact.
我母亲的妄想变成了我的妄想，与其说是一种选择，不如说是一个简单的事实。
It was a way not to lose her, yes, but I guess it was also more fun for a nine-year-old tomboy to believe she was chosen to aid in a secret war than to believe she was being held hostage by her mother.
是的，这是一种不失去她的方法，但我想对于一个九岁的假小子来说，相信她被选中参加一场秘密战争比相信她被她母亲扣为人质更有趣。
"Where were you, those early months we were down at the cottage?" I asked my father on the phone, 25 years later.
“我们在小屋的最初几个月，你在哪里？” 25年后，我在电话里问我的父亲。
"What were you thinking?"
“你在想什么？”
"I was in Virginia Beach, working." His voice halts.
“我当时在弗吉尼亚海滩工作。”他的声音戛然而止。
I don't budge.
我不让步。
I refuse to fill the silence he has left on the other end of the line.
我拒绝填补他在电话那头留下的沉默。
"I don't know what to tell you.
“我不知道该告诉你什么。
I don't know what I thought.
我不知道我是怎么想的。
Things were so bad, and your mother loved Kecatan.
事情太糟糕了，而你的母亲却很喜欢凯卡坦。
I thought maybe it might be the one thing that would help her.
我想也许这可能是对她有帮助的一件事。
Of course," he says dryly, "that wasn't the case."
当然，”他干巴巴地说，“事实并非如此。”
Over the years, it's been easy for me to lose track of the fact of my father's loss of my mother.
多年来，我很容易忘记父亲失去母亲的事实。
He loved her too.
他也爱她。
Now I can't speak, I can't find my way through the questions on my list.
现在我不能说话，我无法解决清单上的问题。
They all start to sound like one small cry of why, why, why?
它们听起来都像是一声小哭，为什么，为什么，为什么？
Why didn't you do something?
你为什么不做点什么？
My father recalls that at this time, he felt his options went like this.
父亲回忆说，当时他觉得自己的选择是这样的。
He could leave his wife, and us with her, and seek a divorce.
他可以离开他的妻子和我们，并寻求离婚。
Or he could move in with us, get a job in the area, and look after his family the way he had promised in his wedding vows.
或者他可以搬来和我们住在一起，在该地区找到一份工作，并按照他在结婚誓言中承诺的方式照顾家人。
So Dad announced that he intended to find a job in the area and move in with us as soon as possible.
于是爸爸就宣布他打算在当地找份工作，尽快搬到我们家住。
Mom flung her arms around his neck as if she were welcoming home a soldier.
妈妈用双臂搂住他的脖子，就像欢迎一名士兵回家一样。
That fall, the rains begin.
那年秋天，雨开始了。
The cottage has no gutters, and soon a drip line encircles our house like a moat.
小屋没有排水沟，很快一条滴水线像护城河一样环绕着我们的房子。
Each tide is higher than the last.
每一次潮水都比上一次更高。
I walked out at high tide and I am amazed to see the cove has spilled out of its banks and halfway toward the cottage.
我在涨潮时走出去，惊讶地发现海湾已经从河岸溢出，一直流向小屋。
Minnows flick about the base of the holly tree and azalea bushes.
鲦鱼在冬青树和杜鹃花丛的底部轻快地游来游去。
When I return to the cottage, Mom is putting things up on blocks in anticipation of the flood.
当我回到小屋时，妈妈正在把东西放在积木上，以应对洪水。
We turn the kitchen chairs upside down on the table like we do every Friday afternoon at school.
我们把厨房的椅子倒过来放在桌子上，就像每个星期五下午在学校做的那样。
Mom gets some bricks from the woodshed, and we hoist up the sofa several inches off the floor.
妈妈从木棚里拿了一些砖头，我们把沙发抬离地板几英寸。
In times of real crisis, Mom loves to rally to the occasion.
在真正的危机时刻，妈妈喜欢团结起来。
Now that it's going to flood, Emma gets a bedtime story, and is changed into a sweet terrycloth gown with a cartoon duck sewn on each pocket.
现在洪水即将来临，艾玛听了睡前故事，并换上了一件甜美的毛圈布长袍，每个口袋上都缝着一只卡通鸭子。
Mom sits on the edge of my bed and brushes my hair the way she did when I was very young, and my whole body tingles.
妈妈坐在我的床边，像我很小的时候那样给我梳理头发，我浑身发麻。
Mom goes into the supply box, and out comes a box of candles and rose matches.
妈妈走进补给箱，拿出一盒蜡烛和玫瑰火柴。
Soon the cottage is aglow inside.
很快，小屋里就变得通红。
This place is meant for just this sort of warmth and quiet.
这个地方就是为了这种温暖和安静而存在的。
The soft light seems to calm all of us.
柔和的光线似乎让我们所有人都平静下来。
We eat our hot dogs together at the kitchen table in silence, while the world around us gets small and snug as we wait for disaster to strike.
我们在厨房的餐桌上默默地吃着热狗，而在我们等待灾难袭来的同时，周围的世界变得又小又舒适。
Catherine Keener, reading an excerpt from Virginia Holman's memoir, Rescuing Patty Hearst .
凯瑟琳·基纳正在阅读弗吉尼亚·霍尔曼的回忆录《拯救帕蒂·赫斯特》的摘录。
Once Virginia's dad finally convinced her mom to see a doctor, they learned that she'd been psychotic for five years.
当弗吉尼亚的父亲最终说服她妈妈去看医生时，他们得知她已经患精神病五年了。
Our program produced today by Lisa Pollak and myself, with Alex Blumberg, Diane Cook, Wendy Dorr, Jane Feltes, Sarah Koenig.
今天我们的节目由 Lisa Pollak 和我本人以及 Alex Blumberg、Diane Cook、Wendy Dorr、Jane Feltes、Sarah Koenig 共同制作。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Elizabeth Meister runs our website.
伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister) 负责运营我们的网站。
Production help from Todd Bachmann and Kevin Clark.
托德·巴赫曼 (Todd Bachmann) 和凯文·克拉克 (Kevin Clark) 为制作提供帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] You know you can download audio of our program at audible.com/thisamericanlife.
[致谢] 您知道您可以在 audible.com/thisamericanlife 下载我们节目的音频。
They have public radio programs, best-selling books, even the New York Times , all at audible.com.
他们有公共广播节目、畅销书，甚至《纽约时报》，都在 audible.com 上。
This American Life is treated by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台播出。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Mr. Torey Malatia, who reminds you:
[资金来源] 由 Torey Malatia 先生监督的 WBEZ 管理，他提醒您：
Muslims rule, damn it.
穆斯林统治，该死。
Ira Glass I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life .
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass） 我是艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass），下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。