277: Apology - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #277 | November 5, 2004 277: Apology Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 277 集 | 2004 年 11 月 5 日 277：道歉 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass My mom was a therapist and she saw hundreds of couples where somebody in the couple had cheated.
序言 Ira Glass 我妈妈是一名治疗师，她见过数百对夫妇中有人出轨。
And then the couple tried to stay together and work it out, and that's how they ended up in couples counseling.
然后这对夫妇试图在一起解决这个问题，这就是他们最终接受夫妻咨询的原因。
And my mom said this thing nearly always happens in this situation.
我妈妈说这种事情几乎总是发生在这种情况下。
This thing happens where the person who cheated confesses.
这种事情发生在欺骗者坦白的地方。
Tells the spouse as many details as the spouse wants to hear, which usually is a lot.
告诉配偶尽可能多的细节，通常是很多。
And in fact, you kind of have to tell them everything they want if there's going to be any kind of forgiveness.
事实上，如果想要得到某种宽恕，你就必须告诉他们他们想要的一切。
And so it's just all this painful detail.
所以这就是所有这些令人痛苦的细节。
What happened this particular day when you said you were here and did you say I love you to the other person?
当你说你在这里并且你对对方说我爱你时，这一天发生了什么？
Just like the incredibly painful, incredibly hard stuff.
就像极其痛苦、极其艰难的事情一样。
And the person who cheated says that they know they were in the wrong, and they want to work it out, and they're sorry.
作弊的人说他们知道自己错了，他们想解决这个问题，他们很抱歉。
They're so, so sorry.
他们非常非常抱歉。
And then weeks pass, and everybody tries to get along.
然后几周过去了，每个人都试图和睦相处。
And at some point, the person who cheated starts to feel a little better.
在某些时候，出轨的人开始感觉好一点。
You know, they confessed.
你知道，他们承认了。
They cleared the air.
他们消除了误会。
It's a new beginning.
这是一个新的开始。
But their spouse is living still, in a world of pain.
但他们的配偶仍然生活在痛苦的世界里。
The spouse doesn't trust them.
配偶不信任他们。
The betrayal was so huge, the lies were so big, the spouse is still wary.
背叛如此之大，谎言如此之大，配偶仍然保持警惕。
And still, little bursts of anger.
但仍然有轻微的愤怒。
They're not over it.
他们还没有结束。
And here's where it gets complicated.
这就是事情变得复杂的地方。
The person who cheated starts to get impatient.
受骗的人开始变得不耐烦。
They feel like, come on, I confessed.
他们觉得，来吧，我承认了。
I said I'm sorry.
我说对不起。
I've done everything I can do to make this right.
我已尽我所能来纠正这件事。
But you just won't let it go.
但你就是不肯放手。
And the other person can't let it go.
而对方却无法放手。
A very hard thing for both of them.
对于他们俩来说都是一件非常艰难的事情。
A very hard thing for any couple to get through.
对于任何情侣来说，这都是一件非常困难的事情。
And it almost always happens.
这几乎总是会发生。
The apology wasn't enough.
道歉还不够。
And really, there are so many situations where apologizing doesn't do the trick, where it doesn't satisfy both parties.
事实上，在很多情况下道歉并不能解决问题，也不能令双方都满意。
And not just big situations, these can be the tiniest situations in the world.
不仅仅是大情况，这些情况也可能是世界上最小的情况。
Sarah Vowell, one of our contributing editors on the radio show says that she was running late on her way to meet a friend for breakfast.
莎拉·沃威尔（Sarah Vowell）是我们广播节目的特约编辑之一，她说她在去见朋友吃早餐的路上迟到了。
I was on the subway and I realized I didn't know where breakfast was.
我在地铁上，我意识到我不知道早餐在哪里。
I was, I don't know, 15 or 20 minutes late, which was just the most agonizing 15 minutes of my life of me running up and down 9th Avenue trying to remember where I was supposed to meet him.
我不知道，迟到了 15 或 20 分钟，这是我一生中最痛苦的 15 分钟，我在第九大道上跑来跑去，试图记住我应该在哪里见到他。
You know, I got there and he had wondered where was I was, but he brought the paper and he was fine, so I spent the entire breakfast apologizing.
你知道，我到了那里，他想知道我在哪里，但他带来了报纸，他很好，所以我整个早餐时间都在道歉。
Then when I got home I sent him an email apologizing.
然后当我回到家时，我给他发了一封电子邮件道歉。
Then before I went to bed I sent another apology email.
然后在我睡觉之前我又发了一封道歉电子邮件。
Then the next time we had breakfast I was 15 minutes early and then had to talk about how I was early this time.
然后，下次我们吃早餐时，我提前了 15 分钟，然后不得不谈论我这次是如何早到的。
And it's just so stupid.
这太愚蠢了。
And I realized at that point, the apology sickness becomes a kind of narcissism.
那时我意识到，道歉病变成了一种自恋。
Like, all you think about is yourself and you feel like, oh, my actions affected this other person so much I need to just constantly apologize.
就像，你只想到你自己，你觉得，哦，我的行为对另一个人影响很大，我需要不断地道歉。
When really, it wasn't that big of a deal.
事实上，这没什么大不了的。
This happens all the time.
这种情况经常发生。
The apology can go wrong for either person in the transaction.
对于交易中的任何一方来说，道歉都可能出错。
Even the apologizer.
就连道歉者也是如此。
I feel like he totally accepted my apology.
我觉得他完全接受了我的道歉。
It's more like I didn't accept my apology.
更像是我不接受我的道歉。
[LAUGHTER]
[笑声]
There's moments where you apologize to somebody and you're not doing it for selfish reasons, but because you really want them to know you're sorry.
有时你向某人道歉，并不是出于自私的原因，而是因为你真的想让他们知道你很抱歉。
And where they really hear what you're saying and your eyes lock and everybody knows that it happened, the apology happened.
当他们真正听到你在说什么并且你的目光锁定并且每个人都知道它发生时，道歉就发生了。
Those are almost pretty rare, I think.
我认为这些几乎非常罕见。
Today on our radio show, we have three stories of people groping their way toward I'm sorry, toward this moment of apology.
今天，在我们的广播节目中，我们讲述了三个故事，讲述人们摸索着走向“对不起”、走向道歉的时刻。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life distributed by Public Radio International, I'm Ira Glass.
来自 WBEZ 芝加哥，由国际公共广播电台发行的《This American Life》，我是 Ira Glass。
Our program today in three acts.
我们今天的节目分三幕。
And let me just say right here, it's a politics free program.
我在这里要说的是，这是一个与政治无关的计划。
Let's have a little break.
让我们休息一下吧。
Act one, "Repeat After Me." In that story, David Sedaris, his sister, and a talking bird.
第一幕，“跟着我重复”。在那个故事中，大卫·塞达里斯、他的妹妹和一只会说话的鸟。
Act two, "Dial S for Sorry." In which we have a little visit with Mr. Apology and his wife.
第二幕，“拨 S 表示抱歉”。其中我们拜访了道歉先生和他的妻子。
Act three, "Two Words You Never Want to Hear From Your Doctor." In that act, a movement to try to get people who do not like to say they're wrong to say they're wrong.
第三幕，“你永远不想从医生那里听到的两个词。”在这一行为中，这是一场试图让那些不喜欢说自己错了的人承认自己错了的运动。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
This story was recorded in front of a live audience.
这个故事是在现场观众面前录制的。
Here's David Sedaris.
请听大卫·塞达里斯的报道。
Although we discussed my upcoming visit to Winston-Salem, my sister and I didn't make exact arrangements until the eve of my arrival when I phoned from a hotel in Salt Lake City.
尽管我们讨论了我即将访问温斯顿塞勒姆，但直到抵达前夕我从盐湖城的一家酒店打电话时，我和姐姐才做出了确切的安排。
"I'll be at work when you arrive," she said.
“你来的时候我就去上班了，”她说。
"So I'm thinking I'll just leave the key under the ower-ot near the ack door."
“所以我想把钥匙留在靠近门的花盆下面。”
I thought she maybe had something in her mouth until I realized she was speaking in code.
我以为她嘴里可能含着什么东西，直到我意识到她在用暗语说话。
What are you on a speaker phone at a methadone clinic?
您在美沙酮诊所使用免提电话做什么？
Why can't you just tell me where you put the god damn house key?
你为什么不能直接告诉我你把那把该死的房子钥匙放在哪里了？
Her voice dropped to a whisper.
她的声音低了下来。
"I just don't know that I trust these things."
“我只是不知道我是否相信这些东西。”
Are you on a cellphone?
你在用手机吗？
"Of course not," she said.
“当然不是，”她说。
"This is just a regular cordless.
“这只是一个普通的无线设备。
But still, you have to be careful."
但尽管如此，你还是要小心。”
My sister's the type who religiously watches the fear segments of her local eyewitness news broadcasts.
我姐姐是那种虔诚地观看当地目击新闻广播中的恐惧片段的人。
Retaining nothing but the headline.
除了标题之外什么都不保留。
She remembers that applesauce can kill you, but forgets that in order to die you have to inject it directly into your bloodstream.
她记得苹果酱可以杀死你，但忘记了为了死你必须将它直接注射到你的血液中。
Announcements that cellphone conversations may be picked up by strangers mixed with the reported rise of both home burglaries and brain tumors, meaning that as far as she's concerned all telecommunication is potentially life threatening.
手机通话可能会被陌生人窃听的消息，加上入室盗窃和脑肿瘤增多的报道，这意味着，就她而言，所有电信都可能危及生命。
OK, I said.
好吧，我说。
But can you tell me which ower-ot?
但你能告诉我是哪一个吗？
"It's ed." She told me.
“是编辑。”她告诉我。
"Well, edish."
“嗯，艾迪什。”
I arrived at Lisa's house late the following afternoon, found the key beneath the flower pot, and let myself in through the back door.
第二天下午晚些时候，我到达了丽莎家，在花盆下面找到了钥匙，然后从后门进去了。
A lengthy note on the coffee table explained how I might go about operating everything from the television to the waffle iron.
咖啡桌上有一张长长的纸条，解释了我如何操作从电视到华夫饼熨斗等所有东西。
Each carefully detailed procedure ending with the line, remember to unplug after use.
每个仔细详细的程序都以线结尾，使用后记得拔掉插头。
The note reflected a growing hysteria.
这张纸条反映了人们日益增长的歇斯底里情绪。
Its subtext shrieking, oh my God, he's going to be alone in my house for close to an hour.
它的潜台词是尖叫，天哪，他将独自在我家里待上近一个小时。
She left her work number, her husband's work number, and the number of the next door neighbor, explaining that she didn't know the woman very well, so I probably shouldn't bother her unless it was an emergency.
她留下了她的工作电话、她丈夫的工作电话以及隔壁邻居的电话，并解释说她不太了解那个女人，所以我可能不应该打扰她，除非是紧急情况。
PPS, she's a Baptist, so don't tell her you're gay.
PPS，她是浸信会教徒，所以不要告诉她你是同性恋。
The last time I was alone at my sister's place, she was living in a white brick apartment complex occupied by widows and single middle-aged working women.
上次我独自一人去姐姐家时，她住在一栋白砖公寓里，住着寡妇和单身中年职业妇女。
College hadn't quite worked out the way she'd expected.
大学生活并没有完全按照她的预期进行。
And after two years in Virginia, she'd returned to Raleigh and taken a job at a wine shop.
在弗吉尼亚州呆了两年后，她回到罗利并在一家葡萄酒商店找到了一份工作。
It was a normal enough life for a 21 year old, but being a dropout was now what she had planned for herself.
对于一个21岁的人来说，这已经是再正常不过的生活了，但现在她已经为自己规划好了辍学。
Worse than that, it had not been planned for her.
更糟糕的是，这并不是为她计划的。
As children, we'd been assigned certain roles-- leader, bum, troublemaker, slut.
作为孩子，我们被分配了某些角色——领导者、流浪汉、麻烦制造者、荡妇。
Titles that effectively told us who we were.
标题有效地告诉我们我们是谁。
As the oldest, smartest, and bossiest, it was naturally assumed that Lisa would shoot to the top of her field, earning a master's degree in manipulation, and eventually taking over a medium-sized country.
作为最年长、最聪明、最专横的人，人们自然地认为丽莎会在她的领域达到顶峰，获得操纵硕士学位，并最终接管一个中等规模的国家。
We'd always known her as an authority figure, and while we took a certain joy in watching her fall, it was disorienting to see her with so little confidence.
我们一直认为她是一个权威人物，虽然我们很高兴看到她跌倒，但看到她如此缺乏自信又让人感到迷失方向。
Suddenly she was relying on other people's opinions, following their advice, and withering at the slightest criticism.
突然之间，她开始依赖别人的意见，听从他们的建议，并因最轻微的批评而萎靡不振。
Do you really think so?
你真的这么认为吗？
Really?
真的吗？
She was putty.
她很油腻。
My sister needed patience and understanding, but more often than not, I found myself wanting to shake her.
我的妹妹需要耐心和理解，但更多时候，我发现自己想要摇晃她。
If the oldest wasn't who she was supposed to be, then what did it mean for the rest of us?
如果最大的孩子不是她应该成为的人，那么这对我们其他人意味着什么？
Lisa has been marked most likely to succeed and so it confused her to be ringing up gallon jugs of hardy burgundy.
丽莎被认为是最有可能成功的人，因此她对要喝几加仑耐寒的勃艮第酒感到困惑。
I had been branded as lazy and irresponsible, and so it felt right when I, too, dropped out of college.
我被贴上了懒惰和不负责任的标签，所以当我也从大学退学时，感觉是对的。
I went to live with Lisa in her white brick complex.
我和丽莎一起住在她的白砖建筑里。
And when I eventually left her with a broken stereo and an unpaid $80 phone bill, the general consensus was, well, what did you expect?
当我最终给她留下一台坏掉的音响和一张未付的 80 美元电话费时，普遍的共识是，好吧，你期望什么？
I might reinvent myself to strangers, but to this day, as far as my family is concerned, I'm still the one most likely to set your house on fire.
我可能会在陌生人面前重塑自己，但直到今天，就我的家人而言，我仍然是最有可能放火烧你房子的人。
While I accepted my lowered expectations, Lisa fought hard to regain her former title.
虽然我接受了自己降低的期望，但丽莎仍在努力争取重新获得她以前的头衔。
The wine shop was just a temporary setback and she left shortly after becoming the manager.
酒肆只是暂时的挫折，她在成为经理后不久就离开了。
Photography interested her and so she taught herself to use a camera.
她对摄影感兴趣，因此她自学使用相机。
Ultimately, landing a job in the photo department of a large international drug company where she took pictures of germs, viruses, and people reacting to germs and viruses.
最终，她在一家大型国际制药公司的摄影部门找到了一份工作，在那里拍摄细菌、病毒以及人们对细菌和病毒的反应。
On weekends, for extra money, she photographed weddings, which really weren't that much of a stretch.
周末，为了赚点额外的钱，她拍摄婚礼，这确实不是什么难事。
She got married herself and then quit the drug company in order to earn an English degree.
她自己结婚了，然后为了获得英语学位而退出了制药公司。
When told there was very little call for 30 page essays on Jane Austen, she got a real estate license.
当得知很少有人需要写 30 页有关简·奥斯汀的论文时，她拿到了房地产许可证。
When told the housing market was down, she returned to school to study plants.
当得知房地产市场低迷时，她回到学校研究植物。
Her husband, Bob, got a new job in Winston-Salem and so they moved, buying a new three-story home in a quiet, suburban neighborhood.
她的丈夫鲍勃在温斯顿塞勒姆找到了一份新工作，因此他们搬家，在一个安静的郊区购买了一套新的三层住宅。
It was strange to think of my sister living in such a grownup place, and I was relieved to find that neither she nor Bob particularly cared for it.
想到我姐姐生活在这样一个大人的地方，我感到很奇怪，我松了一口气，发现她和鲍勃都没有特别关心它。
My sister's home didn't really lend itself to snooping and so I spent my hour in the kitchen making small talk with Henry.
我姐姐的家不太适合窥探，所以我花了一个小时在厨房里和亨利闲聊。
It was the same conversation we'd had the last time I saw him, yet still I found it fascinating.
这是我上次见到他时我们进行的同样的谈话，但我仍然觉得它很有趣。
He asked how I was doing.
他问我怎么样。
I said I was all right.
我说我没事。
And then as if something might have drastically changed over the last few seconds, he asked again.
然后，仿佛在过去的几秒钟里，事情可能发生了巨大的变化，他又问道。
Of all the elements of my sister's adult life, the house, the husband, the sudden interest in plants, the most unsettling is Henry.
在我姐姐成年生活的所有元素中，房子、丈夫、对植物的突然兴趣，最令人不安的是亨利。
Technically, he's a Blue-fronted Amazon.
从技术上讲，他是一只蓝额亚马逊人。
But to the average layman, he's just a big parrot.
但对于一般外行来说，他只是一只大鹦鹉。
The type you might see on the shoulder of a pirate.
您可能会在海盗的肩膀上看到这种类型。
How you doing?
你好吗？
The third time he asked, it sounded as if he really cared.
当他第三次问的时候，听起来他真的很在意。
I approached his cage with a detailed answer and when he lunged for the bars I screamed like a girl and ran out of the room.
我走近他的笼子，详细地回答了他的问题，当他扑向栏杆时，我像个女孩一样尖叫起来，跑出了房间。
"Henry likes you," sister said a short while later.
“亨利喜欢你，”过了一会儿姐姐说道。
She just returned from her job at the plant nursery and was sitting at the table unlacing her sneakers.
她刚刚从苗圃工作回来，坐在桌旁解开运动鞋的鞋带。
"See the way he's fanning his tail, he'd never do that for Bob.
“看看他扇动尾巴的样子，他永远不会为鲍勃这样做。
Would you, Henry?"
你愿意吗，亨利？”
Bob had returned from work a few minutes earlier and immediately headed upstairs to spend time with his own bird, a balding, Green-cheeked Conure named Jose.
鲍勃几分钟前下班回来，立即上楼去和他自己的鸟儿呆在一起，一只名叫何塞的秃头绿颊锥尾鹦鹉。
I thought the two of them might enjoy an occasional conversation, but it turns out they can't stand one another.
本以为两人偶尔聊一聊会很开心，结果却发现彼此无法忍受。
"Don't even mention Jose in front of Henry," Lisa said.
“别在亨利面前提何塞。”丽莎说道。
Bob's birds squawked from the upstairs study and the parrot responded with a series of high piercing barks.
鲍勃的鸟儿从楼上的书房里发出嘎嘎叫声，鹦鹉则以一连串刺耳的叫声作为回应。
It was a trick he'd picked up from Lisa's border collie, Jessie.
这是他从丽莎的边境牧羊犬杰西那里学到的一个技巧。
And what was disturbing was that he sounded exactly like a dog.
令人不安的是，他的声音听起来就像一只狗。
Just as when speaking English, he sounded exactly like Lisa.
就像说英语时一样，他听起来和丽莎一模一样。
It was creepy to hear my sister's voice coming from a beak.
听到姐姐的声音从喙中发出，真是令人毛骨悚然。
But I couldn't say it didn't please me.
但我不能说它不让我高兴。
"Who's hungry?" she asked.
“谁饿了？”她问道。
"Who's hungry?" the voice repeated.
“谁饿了？”那声音重复道。
I raised my hand and she offered Henry a peanut.
我举起手，她递给亨利一颗花生。
Taking it in his claw, his belly sagging almost to the perch, I could understand what someone might see in a parrot.
把它放在他的爪子里，他的腹部几乎下垂到栖息处，我可以理解有人会在鹦鹉身上看到什么。
Here was this strange little fat man living in my sister's kitchen.
这个奇怪的小胖子住在我姐姐的厨房里。
A sympathetic listener turning again and again to ask, so really, how are you?
一位富有同情心的听众一次又一次地转身问，真的，你好吗？
I'd asked her the same question and she'd said, oh, fine.
我问过她同样的问题，她说，哦，好吧。
You know.
你知道。
She's afraid to tell me anything important knowing I'll only turn around and write about it.
她害怕告诉我任何重要的事情，因为她知道我只会转身写下来。
In my mind, I'm like a friendly junk man building things from the little pieces of scrap I find here and there.
在我看来，我就像一个友好的垃圾收集者，用我到处发现的小碎片来建造东西。
But my family started to see things differently.
但我的家人开始以不同的方式看待事情。
Their personal lives are the so-called pieces of scrap I so casually pick up.
他们的私生活就是我随手捡到的所谓废品。
And they're sick of it.
他们已经厌倦了。
Conversations now start with the words, you have to swear you will never repeat this.
现在谈话开始于这样的话，你必须发誓你永远不会重复这样的事情。
I always promise, but it's generally understood that my word is no better than Henry's.
我总是答应，但人们普遍认为我的话并不比亨利的好。
I'd gone to Winston-Salem to address the students at a local college, and then again to break some news.
我去了温斯顿塞勒姆，向当地一所大学的学生发表演讲，然后又宣布了一些消息。
Sometimes when you're stoned it's fun to sit around and think of who might play you in the movie version of your life.
有时候，当你喝醉了的时候，坐下来想想谁会在你的电影版人生中扮演你，这很有趣。
What makes it fun is that no one is actually going to make a movie of your life.
有趣的是，没有人真的会把你的生活拍成一部电影。
Lisa and I no longer get stoned and so it was all the harder to announce that my book had been optioned.
丽莎和我不再吸毒，所以宣布我的书被选中就更难了。
Meaning that, in fact, someone was going to make a movie of our lives.
这意味着，事实上，有人要拍一部关于我们生活的电影。
Not a student, but a real live director people had heard of.
不是学生，而是人们听说过的真正的现场导演。
"A what?" I explained that he was Chinese and she asked if the movie would be in Chinese.
“什么？”我解释说他是中国人，她问这部电影是否是中文的。
"No," I said, "he lives in America.
“不，”我说，“他住在美国。
In California.
在加利福尼亚州。
He's been here since he was a baby."
他从小就在这里。”
"So now we have to be in a movie?" She picked her sneakers off the floor and tossed them into the laundry room.
“所以现在我们必须拍电影了？”她把地板上的运动鞋捡起来，扔进洗衣房。
"Well," she said, "I can tell you right now that you are not dragging my bird into this."
“好吧，”她说，“我现在就可以告诉你，你没有把我的鸟拖进这件事。”
Once, at a dinner party, I met a woman whose parrot had learned to imitate the automatic ice maker on her new refrigerator.
有一次，在一次晚宴上，我遇到一位女士，她的鹦鹉学会了模仿她新冰箱上的自动制冰机。
"That's what happens when they're left alone," she'd said.
“这就是当他们独自一人时会发生的事情，”她说。
It was the most depressing bit of information I'd heard in quite a while.
这是我很长一段时间以来听到的最令人沮丧的信息。
And it stuck with me for weeks.
它困扰了我几个星期。
Here was this creature born to mock its jungle neighbors and it wound up doing impressions of man-made kitchen appliances.
这种生物生来就是为了嘲笑它的丛林邻居，最后它模仿了人造厨房用具。
I repeated this story to Lisa who told me that neglect had nothing to do with it.
我向丽莎重复了这个故事，她告诉我疏忽与这无关。
She then prepared a cappuccino, setting the stage for Henry's pitch perfect imitation of the milk steamer.
然后她准备了一杯卡布奇诺，为亨利完美地模仿牛奶蒸锅奠定了基础。
He can do the blender too, she said.
她说，他也会做搅拌机。
She opened the cage door and as we sat down to our coffees, Henry glided down under onto the table.
她打开笼门，当我们坐下来喝咖啡时，亨利滑到了桌子上。
"Who wants a kiss?"
“谁想要一个吻？”
She stuck out her tongue and he accepted the tip gingerly between his upper and lower beak.
她伸出舌头，他小心翼翼地接受了上下喙之间的尖端。
I'd never dream of doing such a thing.
我从来没有梦想过做这样的事。
Not because it's across the board disgusting, but because he would have bitten the [BLEEP] out of me.
不是因为这太恶心了，而是因为他会把我的[BLEEP]咬掉。
While Henry might occasionally have fanned his tail in my direction, it was understood that he was loyal to only one person.
虽然亨利偶尔可能会向我的方向扇动尾巴，但据了解，他只忠于一个人。
Which, I think, is another reason my sister was so fond of him.
我认为这是我姐姐如此喜欢他的另一个原因。
"Was that a good kiss?" she asked.
“这个吻好吗？”她问道。
"Did you like that?"
“你喜欢这样吗？”
I expected a yes or no answer and was disappointed when he responded with the exact same question, "did you like that?"
我期待的是一个是或否的答案，但当他回答完全相同的问题时，我感到很失望：“你喜欢那个吗？”
Yes, parrots can talk, but unfortunately they have no idea what they're actually saying.
是的，鹦鹉会说话，但不幸的是它们不知道自己实际上在说什么。
When she first got him, Henry spoke the Spanish he'd learned from his captors.
当她第一次抓住他时，亨利说的是他从绑架者那里学到的西班牙语。
When our mother died, Henry learned how to cry.
当我们的母亲去世后，亨利学会了如何哭泣。
He and Lisa would set each other off and the two of them would go on for hours.
他和丽莎会互相挑衅，两个人会持续几个小时。
A few years later, in the midst of a brief academic setback, she trained him to act as her emotional cheerleader.
几年后，在一次短暂的学业挫折中，她训练他充当她的情感啦啦队长。
I'd call and hear him in the background screaming, "we love you, Lisa!" "And you can do it!"
我打电话时会听到他在背景中尖叫：“我们爱你，丽莎！” “而且你能做到！”
This was replaced, in time, with the far more practical, where are my keys?
随着时间的推移，它被更实用的“我的钥匙在哪里？”所取代。
After finishing our coffees, Lisa drove me to Greensboro where I delivered my scheduled lecture.
喝完咖啡后，丽莎开车送我去格林斯博罗，在那里我进行了预定的讲座。
This is to say that I read stories about my family.
这就是说我读了关于我家人的故事。
After the reading I answered questions about them, thinking all the while how odd it was that these strangers seemed to know so much about my brother and sisters.
读完后，我回答了有关他们的问题，心里一直在想，这些陌生人似乎对我的兄弟姐妹了解这么多，这是多么奇怪。
In order to sleep at night, I have to remove myself from the equation, pretending that the people I love voluntarily chose to expose themselves.
为了晚上睡觉，我必须把自己从这个方程式中抽离出来，假装我所爱的人自愿选择暴露自己。
Amy breaks up with a boyfriend and sends out a press release.
艾米与男友分手并发出新闻稿。
Hall regularly discusses his bowel movements on daytime talk shows.
霍尔经常在日间脱口秀节目中讨论他的排便情况。
I'm not the conduit, but just a poor typist stuck in the middle.
我不是管道，只是一个夹在中间的可怜的打字员。
It's an illusion much harder to maintain when a family member is actually in the audience.
当家庭成员实际上就在观众席上时，这种幻觉就更难以维持。
The day after the reading Lisa called in sick and we spent the afternoon running errands.
读完书的第二天，丽莎请了病假，我们整个下午都在跑腿。
Winston-Salem is a city of plazas, mid-sized shopping centers each built around an enormous grocery store.
温斯顿塞勒姆是一座充满广场和中型购物中心的城市，每个购物中心都围绕着一家巨大的杂货店而建。
I was looking for cheap cartons of cigarettes and so we drove from plaza to plaza.
我正在寻找便宜的香烟盒，所以我们开车从一个广场到另一个广场。
Lisa had officially quit smoking 10 years earlier and might have taken it up again were it not for Jessie, who according to the vet, was predisposed towards lung ailments.
丽莎十年前就正式戒烟了，如果不是杰西，她可能会再次吸烟，据兽医称，杰西容易患肺部疾病。
"I don't want to give her secondhand emphysema, but I sure wouldn't mind taking some of this weight off.
“我不想让她患上二手肺气肿，但我当然不介意减轻一些体重。
Tell me the truth, do I look fat to you?"
老实说，你觉得我胖吗？”
Not at all.
一点也不。
She turned sideways and examined herself in the front window of Tobacco USA.
她侧过身子，在美国烟草公司的前窗里审视自己。
"You're lying."
“你在撒谎。”
"Well, isn't that what you want me to say?"
“呃，这不是你想让我说的吗？”
"Yeah," she said.
“是的，”她说。
"But I want you to really mean it."
“但我希望你是真心实意的。”
But I had meant it.
但我是认真的。
It wasn't the weight I noticed so much as the clothing she wore to cover it up.
我注意到的并不是她的体重，而是她用来遮盖体重的衣服。
The loose, baggy pants and oversized shirts falling halfway to her knees.
宽松的裤子和超大号的衬衫半垂到膝盖。
This was a look she'd adopted a few months earlier, after she and her husband had gone to the mountains to visit Bob's parents.
这是几个月前她和丈夫去山上探望鲍勃父母后的样子。
Lisa had been sitting beside the fire and when she scooted her chair towards the center of the room, her father-in-law said, "what's the matter, Lisa, getting too fat?
丽莎一直坐在火边，当她把椅子推向房间中央时，她的公公说：“怎么了，丽莎，太胖了？
I mean, hot." "Getting too hot?" He tried to cover his mistake, but it was too late.
我是说，热。” “太热了？”他试图掩盖自己的错误，但为时已晚。
The word had already been seared into my sister's brain.
这个词已经烙印在姐姐的脑海里了。
"Will I have to be fat in the movie?" she asked.
“在电影中我必须变胖吗？”她问道。
"Of course not," I said.
“当然不是，”我说。
"You'll be just like you are."
“你就会像现在一样。”
"Like I am according to who," she asked, "the Chinese?"
“就像我所说的，”她问道，“中国人？”
"Well, not all of them," I said.
“嗯，不是全部，”我说。
"Just one."
“就一个。”
She tugged at the hem of her shirt and asked how much I thought he weighed.
她拉扯衬衫下摆，问我认为他有多重。
In truth, he was half her size, but I lied, giving him an extra hundred pounds.
事实上，他的个头只有她的一半，但我撒了谎，给了他额外的一百磅。
Normally if at home during a weekday, Lisa likes to read 18th century novels, breaking at 1:00 to eat lunch and watch a television program called Matlock .
通常，如果工作日在家，Lisa 喜欢读 18 世纪的小说，在 1:00 休息一下吃午饭，然后看一个名为 Matlock 的电视节目。
By the time we finished with my errands, the day's broadcast had already ended and so we decided to go to the movies, whatever she wanted.
当我们处理完我的事情时，当天的广播已经结束了，所以我们决定去看电影，无论她想看什么。
She chose the story of a young English woman struggling to remain happy while trying to lose a few extra pounds.
她选择了一位年轻的英国女性在努力减肥的同时努力保持快乐的故事。
But in the end, she got her plazas confused and we arrived at the wrong theater just in time to watch, You Can Count on Me , the Kenny Lonergan movie in which an errant brother visits his older sister.
但最终，她把她的广场弄乱了，我们到错了剧院，正好赶上观看肯尼·罗纳根的电影《你可以信赖我》，在这部电影中，一个犯错的兄弟去看望他的姐姐。
Normally Lisa's the type who talks from one end of the picture to the other.
通常丽莎是那种从画面的一端到另一端说话的人。
A character will spread mayonnaise onto a chicken sandwich and she'll lean over whispering, "one time.
一个角色会将蛋黄酱涂在鸡肉三明治上，然后她会俯身低声说道：“一次。
One time I was doing that and the knife fell into the toilet."
有一次我这样做的时候，刀掉进了马桶里。”
Then she'll settle back in her seat and I'll spend the next 10 minutes wondering why on earth someone would make a chicken sandwich in the bathroom.
然后她会坐回座位上，而我会在接下来的 10 分钟里思考为什么有人会在浴室里做鸡肉三明治。
This movie reflected our lives so eerily that for the first time in recent memory she was stunned into silence.
这部电影如此诡异地反映了我们的生活，以至于在最近的记忆中，她第一次陷入了沉默。
There was no physical resemblance between us and the main characters.
我们和主角之间没有任何相似之处。
The brother and sister were younger and orphaned.
兄妹俩年纪较小，都是孤儿。
But like us, they'd stumbled to adulthood playing the worn, confining roles assigned to them as children.
但和我们一样，他们在成年后跌跌撞撞地扮演着儿时分配给他们的陈旧、受限的角色。
Every now and then one of them would break free, but for the most part they behaved not like they wanted to, but as they were expected to.
时不时地，他们中的一个会挣脱束缚，但大多数情况下，他们的行为并不像他们想要的那样，而是像人们期望的那样。
In brief, a guy shows up at his sister's house and stays for a few weeks until she kicks him out.
简而言之，一个男人出现在他姐姐家并待了几个星期，直到她把他赶出去。
She's not evil about it, but having him around forces her to think about things she'd rather not.
她对此并不邪恶，但有他在身边迫使她去思考一些她不愿意的事情。
Which is essentially, what family members do.
这本质上就是家庭成员所做的事情。
At least, the family members my sister and I know.
至少，我和姐姐的家人都认识。
On leaving the theater we shared a long, uncomfortable silence.
离开剧院后，我们陷入了长时间的、令人不安的沉默。
Between the movie we'd just seen and the movie about to be made, we both felt awkward and self-conscious, as if we were auditioning for the roles of ourselves.
在刚刚看完的电影和即将拍摄的电影之间，我们都感到尴尬和不自在，就好像我们在试镜自己的角色一样。
I started in with some benign bit of gossip I'd heard concerning the man who'd played the part of the brother, but stopped after the first few minutes saying that, on second thought, it really wasn't very interesting.
我一开始就讲了一些我听到的关于扮演哥哥角色的人的善意八卦，但在开始几分钟后就停了下来，转念一想，这真的不是很有趣。
She couldn't think of anything either and so we said nothing.
她也想不出什么，所以我们什么也没说。
Each of us imagining a bored audience shifting in their seats.
我们每个人都想象着一群无聊的观众在座位上移动。
We stopped for gas on the way home and we're parking in front of her house when she turned to relate what I've come to think of as the quintessential Lisa story.
我们在回家的路上停下来加油，我们把车停在她家门前，这时她转过身来讲述我所认为的典型的丽莎故事。
"One time," she said.
“一次，”她说。
"One time I was out driving." The incident began with a quick trip to the grocery store and ended unexpectedly, with a wounded animal stuffed into a pillowcase and held to the tailpipe of her car.
“有一次我开车出去。”这起事件始于一次快速前往杂货店的旅程，但出人意料地结束了，一只受伤的动物被塞进枕套，并抓住了她汽车的排气管。
Like most of my sister's stories, it provoked a startling mental picture.
就像我姐姐的大多数故事一样，它在脑海中引发了一幅令人震惊的画面。
Capturing a moment in time when one's actions seemed both unimaginably cruel and completely natural.
捕捉一个人的行为看起来既难以想象的残酷又完全自然的时刻。
Details were carefully chosen and the pace built gradually.
细节经过精心选择，步伐逐渐加快。
Punctuated by a series of well timed pauses.
中间有一系列适时的停顿。
And then.
进而。
And then.
进而。
She reached the inevitable conclusion and just as I started to laugh, she put her head against the steering wheel and fell apart.
她得出了不可避免的结论，正当我开始大笑时，她把头靠在方向盘上，崩溃了。
It wasn't the gentle flow of tears you might release when recalling an isolated action or event, but the violent explosion that comes when you realize that all such events are connected, forming an endless chain of guilt and suffering.
当你回忆起一个孤立的行为或事件时，这不是你可能会流下的温和的眼泪，而是当你意识到所有这些事件都是相互联系的，形成一条无尽的内疚和痛苦的链条时，就会发生剧烈的爆炸。
I instinctively reach for the notebook I keep in my pocket.
我本能地伸手去拿放在口袋里的笔记本。
And she grabbed my hand to stop me.
她抓住我的手阻止我。
If you ever, she said, ever, repeat that story, I will never talk to you again.
她说，如果你再重复那个故事，我就再也不会和你说话了。
In the movie version of our lives I would have turned to offer her comfort, reminding her, convincing her, that the actions she described had been kind and just.
在我们生活的电影版本中，我会转向安慰她，提醒她，说服她，她所描述的行为是善良和公正的。
Because it was.
因为它是。
She's incapable of acting otherwise.
她无法采取其他行动。
In the real version of our lives, my immediate goal was simply to change her mind.
在我们生活的真实版本中，我的直接目标只是改变她的想法。
"Oh, come on," I said.
“哦，来吧，”我说。
"That story's really funny and I mean, it's not like you're going to do anything with it." Your life, your privacy, your bottomless sorrow, it's not like you're going to do anything with it.
“这个故事真的很有趣，我的意思是，你不会用它做任何事情。”你的生命，你的隐私，你无底的悲伤，你不会用它做任何事。
Is this the brother I always was or the brother I have become?
这是我以前的兄弟还是现在的兄弟？
I'd worried that in making the movie the director might get me and my family wrong.
我担心在制作这部电影时导演可能会误解我和我的家人。
But now a worse thought occurred to me, what if he got us right?
但现在我想到了一个更糟糕的想法，如果他猜对了怎么办？
Dusk.
黄昏。
The camera pans an unremarkable suburban street, moving in on a parked four-door automobile where a small, evil man turns to his sobbing sister saying, "what if I use this story but say that it happened to a friend?"
镜头扫过一条不起眼的郊区街道，停在一辆停着的四门汽车上，一个邪恶的小男人转向他抽泣的妹妹说：“如果我用这个故事，但说这件事发生在朋友身上呢？”
But maybe that's not the end.
但也许这还不是结束。
Maybe before the credits roll we see this same man getting out of bed in the middle of the night, walking past his sister's bedroom, and downstairs into the kitchen.
也许在片尾字幕滚动之前，我们会看到同一个人在半夜起床，走过他姐姐的卧室，然后下楼走进厨房。
A switch is thrown and we notice in the far corner of the room, a large, standing bird cage covered with a tablecloth.
按下开关，我们注意到房间的远处角落里有一个立着的大鸟笼，上面覆盖着桌布。
He approaches it carefully and removes the cover, waking a Blue-fronted Amazon parrot.
他小心翼翼地靠近并打开盖子，唤醒了一只蓝额亚马逊鹦鹉。
Its eyes glowing red in the sudden light.
它的眼睛在突如其来的光线下发出红色的光芒。
Through everything that's come before this moment, we understand that the man has something important to say.
通过这一刻之前发生的一切，我们了解到这个人有一些重要的话要说。
From his own mouth the words are meaningless and so he pulls up a chair.
从他自己嘴里说出来的话毫无意义，所以他拉过一把椅子。
The clock reads 3:00 AM, then 4:00, then 5:00 as he sits before the brilliant bird, repeating slowly and clearly the words forgive me.
时钟显示为凌晨 3:00，然后是 4:00，然后是 5:00，他坐在那只聪明的鸟面前，缓慢而清晰地重复着“原谅我”这句话。
Forgive me.
对不起。
Forgive me.
对不起。
David Sedaris.
大卫·塞达里斯。
That story appears on his Live at Carnegie Hall CD and also in his new book, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.
这个故事出现在他的《Live at Carnegie Hall》CD 和他的新书《Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim》中。
Coming up, what your six year old could probably teacher your doctor.
接下来，你六岁的孩子可能会教你的医生什么。
No kidding.
不开玩笑。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International when our program continues.
一分钟后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life , I'm Ira Glass.
这就是美国生活，我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose some theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一些主题，为您带来关于该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's program, apologies.
今天的节目，抱歉。
Stories of people struggling to apologize against some difficult odds.
人们努力向困难道歉的故事。
We've arrived act two of our show.
我们已经到了演出的第二幕了。
Act two, "Dial S for Sorry."
第二幕，“拨 S 表示抱歉”。
In 1980, a New Yorker named Allan Bridge set up a telephone line that he called The Apology Line.
1980 年，一位名叫艾伦·布里奇 (Allan Bridge) 的纽约人开通了一条电话线，他称之为“道歉热线”。
And the way it worked was that you could call and confess to anything you wanted and you'd be recorded.
它的运作方式是，你可以打电话并坦白任何你想要的事情，然后你就会被录音。
Or you could call and you could listen to other people's confessions.
或者你可以打电话，听听别人的忏悔。
And over time-- this is all pre-internet days.
随着时间的推移——现在都是互联网时代之前的时代了。
Over time, the whole thing turned into this little community of confession.
随着时间的推移，整个事情变成了这个小小的忏悔社区。
People recorded messages responding to each other's apologies.
人们录制了回复彼此道歉的信息。
Mr. Apology, Allan Bridge, would leave messages responding to messages himself.
道歉先生艾伦·布里奇会亲自留言回复消息。
Or sometimes he would call callers off the line and talk to them.
或者有时他会挂断电话并与他们交谈。
Back in 1997 we played some recordings from the line on our program.
早在 1997 年，我们就在节目中播放了一些录音。
We've never rerun it and we thought it might be appropriate to hear some of them today.
我们从未重播过它，我们认为今天听听其中的一些可能是合适的。
Yes, I'd like to apologize because I have broke the town hall windows, I flooded the basement, I broke windows on the back of a store uptown.
是的，我想道歉，因为我打破了市政厅的窗户，淹没了地下室，打破了住宅区一家商店后面的窗户。
I feel pretty bad about it because I did so much violence.
我对此感到非常难过，因为我做了很多暴力行为。
I'm only 16 years old.
我才16岁。
I did so much violence and if I was caught, I'd be in juvie hall for a pretty long time I'd say.
我犯下了如此多的暴力行为，如果我被抓住，我会说我会在少年监狱待很长一段时间。
I'm sorry for harassing the Republican officials, making the bomb threats and the death notices.
我很抱歉骚扰共和党官员，发出炸弹威胁和死亡通知。
I'm sorry for the terrorism, the fire bombing that the guy paid me to do to some guy's house.
我对恐怖主义感到抱歉，对那家伙付钱让我对某个人的房子进行燃烧弹袭击感到抱歉。
I'm sorry for the burnings in the streets of Smithtown, Long Island.
我对长岛史密斯敦街道上的焚烧事件感到抱歉。
I'm sorry for the way I'm calling right now.
我对我现在打电话的方式感到抱歉。
I'm calling by way of a phony credit card.
我用假信用卡打电话。
I'm sorry for harassing the teacher in school.
我很抱歉在学校骚扰老师。
I feel bad about it.
我对此感觉很糟糕。
I'd like to have a new lease on life.
我想要重获新生。
What else?
还有什么？
I'm sorry for just harassing a lot of people.
抱歉打扰了很多人。
For causing pain to my family.
给我的家人带来痛苦。
I felt so sad I was sick.
我感到非常难过，我生病了。
I was sick by it.
我对此感到恶心。
That's all I have to say.
我要说的就是这些。
So long.
这么久。
Yeah, I want to apologize for something and maybe-- well, I guess it's too late to apologize for it, but I want to apologize for it now.
是的，我想为某件事道歉，也许——好吧，我想现在道歉已经太晚了，但我现在想为此道歉。
My mother was bedridden for a while and she had to get social security and welfare.
我母亲卧床不起一段时间，她必须领取社会保障和福利。
And I had no job and I had no way of making money.
而且我没有工作，也没有办法赚钱。
And when she was hungry or thirsty I used to make her give me money to give her a drink.
当她饿了或渴了时，我常常让她给我钱给她喝水。
Like she'd have to give me $5 for a glass of water, $10 for a sandwich.
就像她必须给我 5 美元买一杯水，10 美元买一个三明治。
Now she's passed away and I can't say I'm sorry to her.
现在她已经去世了，我无法对她说对不起。
Because I know what I did was probably the most horrible thing in the world and I'll never be able to say I'm sorry to her.
因为我知道我所做的可能是世界上最可怕的事情，我永远无法对她说对不起。
I hope I go to hell and burn there for this because it wasn't right.
我希望我能为此下地狱并被烧死，因为这是不对的。
And if there's some way that she can hear me I just want to tell her I'm sorry.
如果有什么办法让她能听到我的声音，我只想告诉她我很抱歉。
Thank you.
谢谢。
I've never told anyone this except my shrink.
除了我的心理医生之外，我从未告诉过任何人这件事。
I accidentally killed my younger sister when I was a very small child and it's haunted me all my life because I didn't really mean it.
当我还是个很小的孩子的时候，我不小心杀死了我的妹妹，这件事一直困扰着我，因为我并不是真心的。
It was just a game to me and I was really too young to realize what I was doing.
这对我来说只是一场游戏，我真的太年轻了，无法意识到自己在做什么。
And I was putting her head inside a plastic garbage bag and putting a rubber band around her neck just to see her face turn blue.
我把她的头放进塑料垃圾袋里，然后用橡皮筋套在她的脖子上，只是为了看到她的脸变成蓝色。
I guess it was a lot of fun and I didn't mean anything bad to happen.
我想这很有趣，我并不是故意要发生任何不好的事情。
But I guess I didn't realize what would happen if I did this too long and she suffocated.
但我想我没有意识到如果我这样做太久并且她窒息了会发生什么。
I hid the plastic bag and I went out of the house.
我把塑料袋藏起来，然后出了家门。
My parents weren't home.
我父母不在家。
And they never found out.
但他们从未发现。
They thought it was crib death.
他们认为这是婴儿床死亡。
They never found out I did it.
他们从来没有发现我这么做了。
I've never been able to tell them.
我一直没能告诉他们。
I think it would hurt them worse than losing her to find out that I did it.
我认为如果他们发现是我干的，对他们的伤害比失去她还要严重。
I kind of wish my parents could hear this tape, but I guess they never will.
我有点希望我的父母能听到这盘磁带，但我想他们永远不会。
Hi, I'm a runaway and all I want to say is that I'm kind of sorry that I left.
嗨，我是一名离家出走的人，我想说的是，我对我的离开感到有点遗憾。
See, I'm 15 and I saw your number in the newspaper.
看，我 15 岁了，我在报纸上看到了你的电话号码。
When I saw it, I had to call because I mean, you walk around on the streets all day long just looking for someone that just might say, hey, want a place to go?
当我看到它时，我不得不打电话，因为我的意思是，你整天在街上走来走去，只是想找一个可能会说，嘿，想要一个地方去的人吗？
Come with me.
跟我来吧。
They'll give you food and everything.
他们会给你食物和一切。
And they won't ask or anything back.
他们不会提出任何要求或任何回报。
That's all I want.
这就是我想要的。
I guess I take up too much time on the tape.
我想我在磁带上占用了太多时间。
But I just got to talk.
但我只是要说话。
The Apology Line doesn't exist anymore.
道歉热线不再存在。
Mr. Apology, Allan Bridge, died in August of 1995.
道歉先生艾伦·布里奇 (Allan Bridge) 于 1995 年 8 月去世。
When he did, the line was deluged with hundreds of messages from its regular callers, grieving.
当他这样做时，这条线路上充斥着数百条来自常来电者的悲伤信息。
His wife, Marissa, says it was never clearer what The Apology Line had meant to people.
他的妻子玛丽莎表示，道歉热线对人们意味着什么，这一点再清楚不过了。
For years, people had used it to talk about all sorts of experiences.
多年来，人们一直用它来谈论各种经历。
I think that maybe the word "apology" means something bigger than just saying you're sorry.
我认为“道歉”这个词的含义可能比仅仅说抱歉更重要。
Or at least maybe not the word, but the line came to mean to people a place where one could go and bring their feelings.
或者至少也许不是这个词，但这条线对人们来说意味着一个可以去表达他们的感情的地方。
To confess not necessarily about doing something wrong, but to confess about having a feeling.
承认不一定是做错了什么，而是承认有一种感觉。
When he was alive, would you ever call the line or be tempted to call the line?
当他还活着的时候，你会拨打热线或者忍不住想拨打热线吗？
I called the line in the beginning when I first knew him, before I moved in with him.
当我第一次认识他、搬去和他一起住之前，我就拨打了该热线。
I called the line from time to time.
我时不时地拨打电话。
Well, yeah, sometimes.
嗯，是的，有时。
But more to get his attention than anything else I think.
但我认为更重要的是引起他的注意。
So he wouldn't forget about me up in Washington Heights where I was living.
所以他不会忘记我住在华盛顿高地的事。
What would you apologize for back then?
那时候你会因为什么而道歉？
Do you remember what you would say?
你还记得你会说什么吗？
Oh, they were all like, you know, just to get his attention.
哦，他们都是，你知道，只是为了引起他的注意。
Things like, I'm really sorry I was flirting with another guy or something like that.
比如，我真的很抱歉我和另一个男人调情或类似的事情。
Much part of the mating game.
交配游戏的大部分内容。
But once you actually had a real relationship with him, you wouldn't call the line and you didn't feel a need to ever?
但一旦你真正和他建立了真正的关系，你就不会拨打电话，而且你也觉得没有必要这样做？
No, but one thing that really struck me was after he died, I really turned into an Apology Line caller.
不，但真正让我印象深刻的一件事是，在他去世后，我真的变成了道歉热线的拨打者。
Someone I would define as Apology Line caller.
我将其定义为道歉热线呼叫者。
And the line was over, so when I really needed the line it wasn't there.
而且线路已经结束了，所以当我真正需要线路时，它却不在那里。
I was just completely lost and I would have loved to have been able to call The Apology Line and have someone like Allan on the other side, very sympathetic and understanding, to help me get through it.
我完全迷失了，我希望能够拨打道歉热线，并有像艾伦这样的人在另一边，非常同情和理解，帮助我度过难关。
But unfortunately, that didn't happen.
但不幸的是，这并没有发生。
I'm a much darker person than I was before he died and I think that I understand the caller's and the line much better than I even did before.
与他死前相比，我是一个更加黑暗的人，我认为我比以前更了解打电话者和线路。
He died in this scuba accident where he was hit by a jet skier who then fled the scene and wasn't caught.
他在这次水肺潜水事故中被一名水上摩托艇击中身亡，随后这名滑雪者逃离了现场，没有被抓到。
Have you thought about the kinds of people who would call the line, who used to call the line all the time, who had done bad things to other people and hurt other people, and then would flee the scene and nobody would ever know.
你有没有想过，什么样的人会拨打热线，过去一直拨打热线，对别人做了坏事，伤害了别人，然后逃离现场，没有人知道。
Have you thought about those jet skiers in terms of that, in terms of the people who used to call the line?
你有没有想过那些摩托艇运动员，以及那些曾经打电话的人？
Yes, in fact, the person that hit him would also be a prime candidate for The Apology Line.
是的，事实上，打他的人也是道歉热线的主要候选人。
Because we think that he knew that he did something because there were witnesses that saw the accident and they saw someone on a jet ski hit him.
因为我们认为他知道自己做了什么，因为有目击者看到了事故，他们看到有人骑摩托艇撞到了他。
They circled around once and then took off.
他们绕了一圈就起飞了。
Yeah.
是的。
But you can imagine those people actually calling the line?
但你能想象那些人真的拨打了电话吗？
If they would have called the line, if the line had existed for them, what would have happen?
如果他们拨打了该热线，如果该热线为他们而存在，会发生什么？
What would Mr. Apology have said if he were around to say it?
如果道歉先生在场，他会说什么？
I think he would be pretty pissed off, but he would forgive them.
我想他会很生气，但他会原谅他们。
I think that's how he would have gone for it.
我想他也会这么做的。
I think he would have been angry that he was hit.
我想如果他被打了，他一定会生气。
That was a total accident.
那完全是一场意外。
But I think that if they would have apologized for hitting him he would have forgiven them.
但我认为，如果他们为打他而道歉，他就会原谅他们。
Because I think that forgiveness was a big part of his personality.
因为我认为宽恕是他性格的重要组成部分。
I think he really believed in the power of forgiveness.
我认为他真的相信宽恕的力量。
And everyone can be forgiven if they're sorry.
如果每个人感到抱歉，都可以被原谅。
I think that's something that he really believed in.
我认为这是他真正相信的事情。
Marissa Bridge.
玛丽莎桥。
The Apology Line is still down, but there's a website with clips and transcripts and a CD for sale, www.apologyproject.com.
道歉热线仍然处于关闭状态，但有一个网站提供剪辑和文字记录以及出售 CD，www.apologyproject.com。
[MUSIC- "I'M CONFESSIN' (THAT I LOVE YOU)" BY BRENDA LEE]
[音乐-布伦达·李的《我承认（我爱你）》]
Act three, "Two Words You Never Want to Hear from Your Doctor."
第三幕，“你永远不想从医生那里听到的两个词。”
There are somewhere between 44,000 and 195,000 fatal medical errors in hospitals every year, depending on what study you look at.
医院每年会发生 44,000 至 195,000 起致命医疗事故，具体取决于您所查看的研究。
But those errors don't translate into 44,000 to 195,000 apologies from doctors.
但这些错误并没有转化为医生的 44,000 到 195,000 次道歉。
Starlee Kine says this may be changing, but very, very slowly.
斯塔莉·凯恩表示，这种情况可能正在改变，但速度非常非常缓慢。
Five years ago, 39 year old Michael Lang had a stomach ache that was causing him a lot of pain.
五年前，39岁的迈克尔·朗因胃痛而痛苦不已。
That night he checked into the local emergency room.
那天晚上，他住进了当地的急诊室。
The staff looked at him briefly and decided his condition wasn't too serious.
工作人员简单看了他一眼，认为他的情况并不太严重。
The family says his mother talked to a nurse and requested an ultrasound, but that was rebuffed.
家人称，他的母亲与护士交谈并要求进行超声波检查，但遭到拒绝。
Michael was given morphine for the pain and told he'd be able to go home the next morning.
迈克尔因疼痛而服用吗啡，并被告知他第二天早上就可以回家了。
Overnight, he died of an internal hemorrhage and blood around his heart.
一夜之间，他因内出血和心脏周围出血而死亡。
The hospital called Mike's parents and told them that his condition had worsened, but not that he had died.
医院给迈克的父母打电话，告诉他们他的病情恶化了，但并没有说他已经死亡。
They got in their car and rushed over.
他们上了车，就冲了过去。
This is Mike's sister, Roxanne.
这是迈克的妹妹罗克珊。
On the way there my parents start talking about taking him somewhere else, not realizing that he was already dead.
在去那里的路上，我的父母开始讨论带他去别的地方，却没有意识到他已经死了。
And when they arrived at the hospital, no one was there to meet them and they took the elevator up to the second floor.
当他们到达医院时，没有人迎接他们，他们就乘电梯上了二楼。
And when the door opened, a lot of the nurses were standing there whispering.
当门打开的时候，很多护士站在那里窃窃私语。
And when my mom looked at one of the nurses, she knew and she turned to my dad and said, he's dead, Ray.
当我妈妈看着其中一位护士时，她知道了，她转向我爸爸说，他死了，雷。
And they ran down the hall to his room where Mike was lying in the bed with the IV still in his arm.
他们沿着走廊跑到他的房间，迈克躺在床上，手臂上还夹着静脉注射器。
It was hanging over the side and my dad tried to put it under the sheet, but was unable to bend it.
它挂在一边，我爸爸试图把它放在床单下面，但无法弯曲它。
The thing that they remember the most is going over to him and trying to hug him.
他们最记得的事情就是走向他并试图拥抱他。
And he was, you know, stiff and cold.
你知道，他是僵硬而冷漠的。
That's their memory of their son.
这是他们对儿子的记忆。
It's not just the fact that the doctors didn't catch what was wrong with their son, but the way they were treated by the hospital that haunts Roxanne's family.
不仅是医生没有发现儿子的问题，而且医院对待他们的方式也困扰着罗克珊的家人。
How they were disregard when they asked for an ultrasound.
当他们要求进行超声波检查时，他们是如何无视的。
How they were allowed to drive over thinking Mike was still live.
他们是如何被允许开车过去的，以为迈克还活着。
And then how no one was waiting for them with the tragic news once they got there.
然而，当他们到达那里时，却没有人等待他们传来悲惨的消息。
In the weeks that followed, the things the hospital did just made it worse, as far as the family was concerned.
在接下来的几周里，对于家人来说，医院所做的事情只会让情况变得更糟。
When asked why they hadn't been more attentive to Mike, the hospital said they'd been busy that night with an emergency accident.
当被问及为什么他们没有更加关心迈克时，医院表示那天晚上他们因为一场紧急事故而很忙。
They denied all responsibility for Mike's death.
他们否认对迈克的死亡负有全部责任。
The town in Wisconsin where this happened is small.
发生这件事的威斯康星州小镇很小。
Roxanne's parents go to the same church as the hospital's CEO.
罗克珊的父母和医院的首席执行官去了同一座教堂。
Roxanne says they never talk.
罗克珊说他们从不说话。
It's awkward.
很尴尬。
Almost the only communication they've had from him was in a letter he sent after Mike's death.
他们从他那里得到的唯一通讯几乎是他在迈克去世后寄出的一封信。
He basically said Mike didn't die of a medical error and we have no responsibility for his death at this hospital.
他基本上说迈克没有死于医疗事故，我们对他在这家医院的死亡不承担任何责任。
We had several committees that investigated it and reviewed everything and we made no mistakes here.
我们有几个委员会对此进行了调查并审查了一切，我们在这里没有犯任何错误。
Basically, he said we didn't have any part in it.
基本上，他说我们没有参与其中。
But still, no answers.
但仍然没有答案。
Still no apologies.
仍然没有道歉。
No?
不？
Roxanne No. And the thing about the letter was is he addressed them by their first names, Ray and Betty.
罗克珊 不。这封信的重点是他直呼他们的名字，雷和贝蒂。
Dear Ray and Betty.
亲爱的雷和贝蒂。
To me, that was an insult when I read that.
对我来说，当我读到那句话时，这是一种侮辱。
I was just like, how can you be so familiar with my parents when you can't even apologize for their son dying in your facility?
我当时想，当你甚至不能为他们的儿子在你的设施中死去而道歉时，你怎么能和我的父母如此熟悉呢？
Well, see, an apology, why do you apologize to somebody-- because you did something wrong?
好吧，看，道歉，你为什么要向别人道歉——因为你做错了事？
This is the CEO of the hospital, John Landdeck.
这是医院的首席执行官约翰·兰德克。
He and Roxanne don't see the situation the same at all.
他和罗克珊对这种情况的看法完全不同。
For him it's like this-- the hospital wasn't at fault from Mike's death.
对他来说，事情是这样的——迈克的死并没有医院的过错。
An independent medical commission that looked into the case cleared them of wrongdoing.
调查此案的独立医疗委员会澄清了他们的不当行为。
And besides, he's not even sure the hospital didn't apologize.
而且，他甚至不确定医院有没有道歉。
To the extent that we failed to communicate our sympathy with them, that's bad.
如果我们未能向他们表达我们的同情，那就很糟糕了。
But you know, a family facing the sudden loss of an otherwise normal, healthy, young man doesn't always hear and see everything that's going on either.
但你知道，一个家庭突然失去了一个原本正常、健康的年轻人，也并不总是能听到和看到正在发生的一切。
And those nurses might have said things and we might have and the doctor might have that they completely missed in their grief.
那些护士可能说过的话，我们可能说过的话，医生可能说过的话，他们在悲伤中完全错过了。
Do you think when the family started saying stuff like, you know, there was a medical error, he died of a medical error.
你认为当家人开始说“发生了医疗错误”之类的话时，他就死于医疗错误。
It was the hospital's fault, stuff like that that the hospital went on the defensive though?
都是医院的错，这样的事情，医院竟然还处于守势？
Well, we tried not to.
好吧，我们试着不这样做。
I'm sure that everybody felt that way.
我相信每个人都有这样的感觉。
If somebody says you're bad and you know you're not and the first thing is to set out to prove that you're right.
如果有人说你不好，而你知道自己不好，那么首先要做的就是证明你是对的。
This is really like any fight when someone asks for an apology.
这真的就像有人要求道歉时的任何争吵一样。
One side wants to prove it's not their fault, the other wants acknowledgment that their feelings are valid.
一方面想要证明这不是他们的错，另一方面想要承认他们的感受是正确的。
There's a lot of talking past one another.
彼此之间有很多话要说。
Is part of the reason that you think you and your family and other families need to hear an apology so badly is because you're afraid that maybe when they don't say they're sorry that they don't actually feel sorry?
您认为您和您的家人以及其他家人如此迫切需要听到道歉的部分原因是因为您担心也许当他们不说抱歉时他们实际上并没有感到抱歉？
Most definitely.
绝对是。
I remember from Mike-- in Mike's situation-- is we just wanted somebody to publicly acknowledge the fact that he died and that that was an awful thing.
我记得迈克——在迈克的情况下——我们只是希望有人公开承认他去世的事实，这是一件可怕的事情。
You know, whether he died of an error or not, it was an awful thing that he died.
要知道，无论他是否死于错误，他的死都是一件可怕的事情。
And nobody was saying that.
没有人这么说。
The reason doctors and hospitals don't apologize is actually pretty simple.
医生和医院不道歉的原因其实很简单。
It all comes down to malpractice insurance.
这一切都归结为医疗事故保险。
I think historically the party line has been gag orders.
我认为从历史上看，党的路线一直是禁言令。
This is David Sousa, president of Medical Mutual Insurance Company.
我是医疗互助保险公司总裁大卫·苏萨。
As people like us, as an insurance carrier, have seen our society become more and more litigious, it has caused us to go to our physician insureds and to caution them, unfortunately, that anything and everything that they may say in the context of a medical error, can be used against them to prove their negligence if they are sued by that patient.
像我们这样的人，作为保险公司，已经看到我们的社会变得越来越爱诉讼，这导致我们去找我们的医生被保险人，并警告他们，不幸的是，他们在医疗错误中所说的任何事情，如果他们被病人起诉，都可以用来证明他们的疏忽。
When those kinds of things started happening, we started counseling doctors, much to our chagrin, you need to not have these conversations with your patients.
当这类事情开始发生时，我们开始向医生提供咨询，令我们懊恼的是，你不需要与你的病人进行这些对话。
Or if you do have to have them, they've got to be almost sterile in nature so that the patient can't come back and use that against you if they try to sue.
或者，如果您确实必须拥有它们，它们本质上必须几乎是无菌的，这样患者在试图起诉时就无法回来利用它们来对付您。
Over time, that has had an incredible chilling effect on the ability of doctors to just openly communicate with their patients when something goes wrong.
随着时间的推移，这对医生在出现问题时与患者公开沟通的能力产生了令人难以置信的寒蝉效应。
And you actually had these conversations with doctors where you would advise them to not say anything?
您实际上与医生进行过这些对话，您会建议他们不要说什么？
This is all changing though.
但这一切都在改变。
The shift began back in the '80s when Lexington, Kentucky Veteran's Hospital lost a series of malpractice suits and decided to try an experiment.
这种转变始于八十年代，当时肯塔基州列克星敦退伍军人医院输掉了一系列医疗事故诉讼，并决定尝试一项实验。
The doctors were told that they had to disclose fully and immediately any medical error to patients.
医生被告知，他们必须立即向患者全面披露任何医疗错误。
And also, apologize if it was appropriate.
另外，如果合适的话，请道歉。
In 10 years, the hospital went from having some of the highest legal costs in the state to some of the lowest.
十年间，该医院的法律费用从全州最高的医院变成了最低的医院。
Meanwhile, the laws in certain states started changing so that when a doctor apologizes it can't be used against them in a lawsuit.
与此同时，某些州的法律开始发生变化，这样当医生道歉时就不能在诉讼中用来对付他们。
There are now laws like that in nine states.
现在九个州都有类似的法律。
Some apply to any kind of apology made in any civil suit.
有些适用于任何民事诉讼中提出的任何形式的道歉。
The new ones specifically apply to medical errors.
新规定专门适用于医疗错误。
Again, David Sousa from the insurance industry.
再次，来自保险业的大卫·苏萨（David Sousa）。
Now in our state here North Carolina, a statement made that is tantamount to an apology can not be used against that health care provider to prove negligence in a court room.
现在，在我们北卡罗来纳州，一份相当于道歉的声明不能用来在法庭上证明该医疗保健提供者的疏忽。
That's huge.
那是巨大的。
It really opens the door now for us to say, now not only do we believe it's the right thing to do, but now you're protected when you do it.
现在，这确实为我们打开了大门，我们不仅相信这是正确的做法，而且现在，当您这样做时，您会受到保护。
And that's huge.
那是巨大的。
That's just giant.
那简直就是巨人。
Tucked away in the basement of Johns Hopkins Medical School through a door that I thought was a fire exit, in a little room that reminded me of the smoking stairwell from college is a movie studio, an instructional movie studio.
在约翰·霍普金斯医学院的地下室里，穿过一扇我以为是消防出口的门，在一个让我想起大学冒烟的楼梯间的小房间里，有一个电影制片厂，一个教学电影制片厂。
Dr. Albert Wu, an associate professor at John Hopkins, is shooting a training video here.
约翰霍普金斯大学副教授Albert Wu博士正在这里拍摄培训视频。
It's called, "Disclosing Errors and Adverse Outcomes.
它被称为“披露错误和不良结果”。
The Who, What, Where, When, How, and Why of Disclosure." Or as I like to call it, being a doctor means never having to say you're sorry.
披露的对象、内容、地点、时间、方式和原因。”或者正如我喜欢所说的那样，成为一名医生意味着永远不必说抱歉。
Unless something goes wrong, then you really should.
除非出了什么问题，否则你真的应该这么做。
For the past 15 years, Dr. Wu has been researching how doctors handle medical mistakes.
过去15年来，吴医生一直在研究医生如何处理医疗错误。
He's talked to patient about what they actually want to hear and then traveled around presenting his findings to doctors via the magic of PowerPoint presentation.
他与患者谈论他们真正想听到的内容，然后通过神奇的 PowerPoint 演示文稿向医生展示他的发现。
His video walks doctors through the process of telling their patient something went wrong, baby step by baby step.
他的视频逐步引导医生告诉患者出现问题的过程。
Tips for disclosing.
披露提示。
Before beginning, make sure the patient or family member is comfortable.
开始之前，请确保患者或家属感到舒适。
Try not to put a desk or other barrier between you and the patient.
尽量不要在您和患者之间放置桌子或其他障碍物。
Give the patient the opportunity to talk and ask questions about the situation.
让患者有机会谈论并询问有关情况的问题。
Do not ignore or dismiss strong emotions, even if you would prefer to do so.
即使您愿意，也不要忽视或消除强烈的情绪。
If the patient is enraged acknowledge this by saying, I can understand why you are angry with me.
如果患者很生气，请通过说“我可以理解你为什么生我的气”来承认这一点。
In the case of personal responsibility, express personal regret and make a sincere apology.
对于个人责任的情况，表示个人遗憾并真诚道歉。
You should say, I am sorry that I did this.
你应该说，我很抱歉我这么做了。
And that's that.
就是这样。
There's no complicated formula or magic combination of phrases.
没有复杂的公式或神奇的短语组合。
It literally comes down to teaching doctors how to say the actual words, "I'm sorry."
从字面上看，它归结为教医生如何说“对不起”。
Dr. Wu tells me that when he first started out, doctors didn't even have to tell their patients when they did something wrong, let alone apologize for it.
吴医生告诉我，刚开始的时候，医生做错事时甚至不需要告诉病人，更不用说道歉了。
He remembers on his first day as an intern he went to a woman's hospital room to give her a routine checkup and she had a heart attack before he could even start.
他记得作为实习生的第一天，他去一位女士的病房给她做例行检查，在他开始之前，她就心脏病发作了。
A nurse was there with him.
一名护士陪着他。
And the person at the head of the bed said, give this.
床头的人说，给这个。
And so I took this syringe and squirted 10 milligrams of morphine into the patient's IV.
于是我拿起这个注射器，将 10 毫克吗啡注射到患者的静脉注射中。
And it turns out 10 milligrams of morphine is a lot morphine.
事实证明，10 毫克吗啡已经是很多吗啡了。
What she intended me to do, I think, was for her to get maybe a milligram.
我想，她想让我做的就是让她得到一毫克。
Or maybe two.
或者也许是两个。
But not 10.
但不是10个。
She had been breathing very rapidly [HEAVY BREATHING] and it was about as clean a cause and effect relationship as one could ever see.
她的呼吸非常急促[沉重的呼吸]，这是人们所能看到的最清晰的因果关系。
I gave her an overdose of morphine and she stopped breathing.
我给她注射了过量的吗啡，她停止了呼吸。
The woman was rushed off to an emergency room and was ultimately OK.
该女子被紧急送往急诊室，最终康复。
Dr. Wu, on the other hand, wasn't doing so good.
另一方面，吴医生的表现则不太好。
I was left there standing in the room.
我被留在房间里站着。
Hospital rooms look funny when there is no hospital bed in them.
当病房里没有病床时，病房看起来很有趣。
The bed had been wheeled right out of the room, syringes had been ripped out of packaging, and bottles had been hung, and there was all of this stuff all over the place.
床被直接推出了房间，注射器被从包装中撕开，瓶子被挂起来，所有这些东西到处都是。
And I just sort of stood there with sort of that tingly feeling that starts in your spine and goes up to your neck.
我只是站在那儿，有一种刺痛的感觉，从你的脊椎开始一直延伸到你的脖子。
It really is a little bit like the walls are closing in on you.
这真的有点像墙壁正在向你逼近。
Unfortunately, this head nurse was standing in the corner with her arms folded and she looked at me and said, "that was a lot of morphine." And we talked a little bit about what seemed to have happened and what might have been done differently.
不幸的是，这位护士长抱着双臂站在角落里，看着我说：“那是很多吗啡。”我们讨论了一些似乎发生的事情以及可能采取的不同做法。
And then, in the end, she said, well, "I don't think that anyone really needs to hear about this." And that was it.
最后，她说，“我认为没有人真的需要听到这个。”就是这样。
So as far as I'm aware, the patient's attending physician never heard about what had happened, the patient certainly never heard what happened.
据我所知，患者的主治医生从未听说过发生了什么事，患者当然也从未听说过发生了什么事。
And I was relieved that I'd been let off the hook, but still felt a little uncomfortable.
我松了口气，因为我摆脱了困境，但仍然感到有点不舒服。
When you make an error that hurts someone, you feel like you're the only person who has ever done such a thing.
当你犯下伤害别人的错误时，你会觉得你是唯一做过这样事的人。
You feel completely isolated.
你感到完全孤立。
There's a funny dynamic that's in effect.
有一个有趣的动态正在生效。
Doctors would like to believe that they help people.
医生愿意相信他们可以帮助人们。
Patients desperately would like to be helped.
患者迫切希望得到帮助。
And through a process of mutual denial, it's easy for everyone to pretend that this sort of thing happens rarely in any event, or should not happen at all.
通过相互否认的过程，每个人都很容易假装这种事情无论如何都很少发生，或者根本不应该发生。
When in fact, it's quite common.
事实上，这很常见。
In a funny way, I think it's a relief to know that there is a policy that one should disclose errors that harm the patient.
有趣的是，我认为知道有一项政策要求人们披露伤害患者的错误是一种解脱。
So doctors feel relieved when they apologize to their patients.
因此，当医生向患者道歉时，他们会感到安心。
And often, they want to apologize to their patients.
通常，他们想向患者道歉。
But Dr. Wu says that doesn't mean they're any good at it.
但吴博士说，这并不意味着他们擅长于此。
So often there's an apology followed immediately by an excuse.
通常情况下，道歉后会立即找借口。
A small medical apology industry has recently sprung up with books, videos, and seminars, like this one with 40 doctors in North Carolina, set up by a local insurance company, and taught by Dr. Gerald Hickson from Vanderbilt University.
最近，一个小型的医疗道歉行业如雨后春笋般涌现，提供书籍、视频和研讨会，比如北卡罗来纳州的这个由 40 名医生组成的行业，由当地一家保险公司设立，由范德比尔特大学的杰拉尔德·希克森 (Gerald Hickson) 博士教授。
He warmed up the crowd by telling the story of a pregnant woman who was treated so poorly by her doctor that she vowed never to get pregnant again, just so she wouldn't have to see him anymore.
他讲述了一位孕妇的故事，她的医生对她的治疗很差，她发誓再也不会怀孕，这样她就不用再去看他了，这让观众感到温暖。
At this seminar, it becomes pretty clear that most medical errors aren't dramatic.
在这次研讨会上，很明显大多数医疗错误并不严重。
They're not matters of life and death.
它们不是生死攸关的问题。
Most of them are things like forgetting to follow-up and giving your patient a referral, or being half an hour late while your patient sits in the waiting room.
其中大多数是忘记跟进并给患者转诊，或者当患者坐在候诊室时迟到半小时。
Also, it's not always exactly clear if the doctors are to blame or not, even in the most seemingly cut and dry cases.
此外，即使在看似最简单的病例中，医生是否应该受到责备也并不总是很清楚。
Something else we often see that I worry about is an apology with what I call assignment of responsibility.
我们经常看到的让我担心的事情是道歉以及我所说的责任分配。
A finger pointed in a direction to say, well, Ms. Jones, I'm just so terribly sorry that the nurses at this institution clearly can't count right.
一个手指指着一个方向说，好吧，琼斯女士，我非常抱歉，这个机构的护士显然无法正确数数。
Right?
正确的？
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
你很清楚我在说什么。
In the years since Roxanne's brother died, she has sat on panels with doctors and policymakers talking about the need to be honest with patients and admit their errors.
罗克珊的兄弟去世后的几年里，她一直与医生和政策制定者一起参加小组讨论，讨论需要对患者诚实并承认自己的错误。
And she's met with doctors who have been trained in this whole new way of apologizing.
她会见了接受过这种全新道歉方式培训的医生。
And she's glad for the effort, but says that a real apology isn't only about the words.
她很高兴自己的努力，但表示真正的道歉不仅仅是言语。
The response that I get now when people find out, especially from health care that I lost a brother through medical error, they are in a hurry to say, I'm very sorry for your loss.
当人们发现我因医疗失误失去了一个兄弟时，尤其是从医疗保健部门得知，我现在得到的反应是，他们急忙说，我对你的损失感到非常抱歉。
Because that's what they're being taught.
因为这就是他们所接受的教育。
That they should say I'm very sorry for your loss.
他们应该说我对你的损失感到非常抱歉。
And for the most part, everybody's very sincere about it and I appreciate it.
在大多数情况下，每个人都对此非常真诚，我很感激。
But you can see it's that they've been taught that phrase.
但你可以看到他们已经被教导了这句话。
That that's the phrase they should use.
这就是他们应该使用的短语。
How can you tell?
你怎么知道？
Roxanne It's like the rush they need to get it out to me and this is the phrase that is used.
罗克珊：就像他们急于把它告诉我一样，这就是所使用的短语。
You know, I'm sorry for your loss.
你知道，我对你的损失感到遗憾。
So everybody in health care now learns how to apologize the right way according to all the training that's going on out there.
因此，医疗保健领域的每个人现在都根据正在进行的所有培训学习如何以正确的方式道歉。
So everybody that ends up having an error is going to hear the same thing.
所以每个最终犯错误的人都会听到同样的事情。
And they're going to hear it over and over again by people in health care the same way.
他们会以同样的方式一遍又一遍地从医疗保健人员那里听到这样的说法。
And eventually, it's going to mean nothing to them because it won't be real anymore.
最终，这对他们来说毫无意义，因为它不再是真实的。
It will be a programed response.
这将是一个程序化的响应。
And then there are some doctors who are simply never going to change.
还有一些医生永远不会改变。
At one of the apology seminars I went to I met this doctor who told me that he's so afraid of being sued that he tries to avoid talking to his patients all together.
在我参加的一次道歉研讨会上，我遇到了一位医生，他告诉我，他非常害怕被起诉，因此尽量避免与病人交谈。
He actually said the words, "I live in fear." Not surprisingly, he was leery of letting me record him.
他实际上说过这样的话：“我生活在恐惧之中。”毫不奇怪，他对让我给他录音持怀疑态度。
He told me that is was one thing to role play apologizing in a seminar of your peers.
他告诉我，在同行研讨会上扮演道歉角色是一回事。
It was quite another thing to say it to an actual patient.
对真正的病人说这完全是另一回事。
He said every doctor he knows has been sued for malpractice.
他说他认识的每一位医生都因医疗事故而被起诉。
He just wants to reach retirement, which is eight years away.
他只想退休，还有八年的时间。
"I hope I make it," he said.
“我希望我能成功，”他说。
He's terrified of saying something that will land him in court, no matter what his insurance company tells him, no matter what laws protect him.
他害怕说一些会让他上法庭的话，无论他的保险公司告诉他什么，无论什么法律保护他。
So he just tries to say nothing at all.
所以他只是试图什么也不说。
Starlee Kine in New York.
斯塔莉·凯恩在纽约。
Credits Ira Glass Well, our program was produced today by Diane Cook and myself, with Alex Blumberg, Wendy Dorr, Jane Feltes, Sarah Koenig and Lisa Pollak.
图片来源：Ira Glass 嗯，我们今天的节目是由黛安·库克和我本人以及亚历克斯·布隆伯格、温迪·多尔、简·菲尔特斯、莎拉·科尼格和丽莎·波拉克共同制作的。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Elizabeth Meister runs our website.
伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister) 负责运营我们的网站。
Production help from Todd Bachmann and Amy O'Leary.
托德·巴赫曼 (Todd Bachmann) 和艾米·奥利里 (Amy O'Leary) 为制作提供帮助。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] The Apology Line story that was act two of our show today is on our first greatest hits CD from Rhino Records.
[致谢] 今天节目第二幕的《道歉热线》故事收录在 Rhino Records 的第一张精选 CD 中。
Our website, www.thisamericanlife.org, where you can listen to our programs for absolutely free, or buy CDs of them.
我们的网站 www.thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中完全免费收听我们的节目，或购买这些节目的 CD。
Well, you know you can download audio of our program at audible.com/thisamericanlife.
好吧，您知道您可以在 audible.com/thisamericanlife 下载我们节目的音频。
They have public radio programs, bestselling books, even the New York Times all at audible.com.
他们在 audible.com 上有公共广播节目、畅销书，甚至《纽约时报》。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight for our program by Torey Malatia, who has something that he wants to share with everybody.
[资金来源] Torey Malatia 对我们的项目进行 WBEZ 管理监督，他有一些东西想与大家分享。
Something he wants to say.
他想说点什么。
Torey?
托雷？
I'm sorry for harassing the Republican officials.
我很抱歉骚扰共和党官员。
Good you got that off your chest.
很好，你把这句话从心里讲出来了。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of this American life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多关于美国生活的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。