269: Someone to Watch Over Me - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #269 | July 16, 2004 269: Someone to Watch Over Me Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 269 集 | 2004 年 7 月 16 日 269：有人守护我 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass OK, America, here's something you don't run into every day, a six-month pregnant lady sitting on a tractor.
序言 Ira Glass 好吧，美国，这是你不会每天遇到的事情，一位六个月的孕妇坐在拖拉机上。
Do you want me to start it?
你想让我开始吗？
John Drury Sure.
约翰·德鲁里 当然可以。
OK.
好的。
Ira Glass Susie lived on the farm for years before she ever got onto the tractor.
艾拉·格拉斯·苏西 (Ira Glass Susie) 在登上拖拉机之前已经在农场生活了很多年。
Her husband, John, is the farmer in the family.
她的丈夫约翰是家里的农民。
Susie's here in rural Tennessee because of him.
苏西因为他才来到田纳西州的乡村。
I was never like a person who idealized farm life.
我从来不像一个把农场生活理想化的人。
I didn't grow up on farm, I grew up in the suburbs.
我不是在农场长大的，我是在郊区长大的。
We didn't have a garden, like I didn't have any romance about farming.
我们没有花园，就像我对务农没有任何浪漫一样。
I knew people who grew up on farms and they were just poor.
我认识一些在农场长大的人，他们很穷。
That was my idea of farming, more or less.
这或多或少就是我对农业的看法。
She first got on the tractor because she had to, after John had a scare in the spring with a neurologic disorder called Guillain-Barre syndrome.
她第一次登上拖拉机是因为她不得不这样做，因为约翰在春天因患有一种名为吉兰-巴利综合症的神经系统疾病而受到惊吓。
The timing was pretty bad.
时机非常糟糕。
They'd already done the part of farming where you spend all the money to get the seeds into the ground.
他们已经完成了农业的一部分，你花所有的钱把种子种到地里。
And then literally, the day before the first harvest, the day before they were going to take the stuff to market for the first time, when they would first be making money, John went into the hospital.
然后，从字面上看，在第一次收获的前一天，在他们第一次将这些东西推向市场的前一天，当他们第一次赚钱的时候，约翰走进了医院。
Eventually I was paralyzed, quadriplegic.
最终我瘫痪了，四肢瘫痪。
I couldn't swallow, couldn't walk, talk, couldn't shut my eyes, couldn't sleep.
我无法吞咽，无法行走，无法说话，无法闭上眼睛，无法入睡。
And we had no other help on the farm regularly, so we just decided to write off this year's farming.
而且我们的农场没有其他人定期帮忙，所以我们决定注销今年的农场。
At that point, Susie was five-months pregnant, going to the hospital every day, where John needed more and more help.
那时，苏西已经怀孕五个月了，每天都去医院，约翰需要越来越多的帮助。
He's fine now, but at the time they were scared.
他现在很好，但当时他们很害怕。
He was losing all neurologic control of all of his muscles and they had no idea how bad it was going to get.
他正在失去对所有肌肉的所有神经控制，他们不知道情况会变得多么糟糕。
Susie was also caring for their four year old daughter, and they didn't have much family nearby to rely on.
苏西还要照顾他们四岁的女儿，他们附近没有多少家人可以依靠。
They'd just moved to the area two years before, didn't know people so well.
他们两年前刚搬到这个地区，对这里的人不太了解。
Didn't belong to a church.
不属于教会。
They knew the farmers in the farmers market, but didn't really socialize with them.
他们认识农贸市场的农民，但并没有真正与他们交往。
They'd never been at each others' homes.
他们从未去过对方的家。
for example.
例如。
And so they were surprised when the farmers at the farmer's market but up a sign in John's booth at the market, explaining his illness, collecting money for him.
因此，当农贸市场的农民在约翰的摊位上竖起一块牌子，解释他的病情，并为他筹集资金时，他们感到很惊讶。
They opened up a fund, which I was-- they said, do you mind if we do that?
他们开设了一个基金，我就是——他们说，你介意我们这样做吗？
And at first I just thought, yeah.
起初我只是想，是的。
I said to John or I said to John's sister, does that mean people think we're poor?
我对约翰说或者我对约翰的妹妹说，这是否意味着人们认为我们很穷？
I felt like a fund?
我感觉像基金？
You know, it just felt like well, we kind of need a fund.
你知道，感觉很好，我们需要一笔资金。
It's like, all right, right.
就好像，好吧，好吧。
So I said, OK, fine.
所以我说，好吧，好吧。
So they set up this bank account as the fund and they collected all this money.
所以他们设立了这个银行账户作为基金，并收集了所有这些钱。
Susie and John's next door neighbor came by every day for six weeks and harvested their flowers and sold them from her booth at the market, giving the money to Susie and John.
六个星期以来，苏西和约翰的隔壁邻居每天都会过来，采摘他们的花，然后在市场的摊位上出售，然后把钱送给苏西和约翰。
A customer made two paintings of flowers that Susie and John had grown, and sold the paintings with the money going to Susie and John.
一位顾客用苏西和约翰种植的花朵制作了两幅画，并将画作卖给了苏西和约翰。
The women in Susie's book club all wrote checks.
苏西读书俱乐部的女人们都写了支票。
Then one day, at the height of a farmer's busiest season, when spending any time away from the farm costs them money, 10 farmers came and spent the day working in John and Susie's fields.
然后有一天，在农民最忙碌的季节，离开农场的任何时间都会让他们花钱，10 个农民来到约翰和苏西的田地里工作了一整天。
Which really touched John.
这确实触动了约翰。
They're taking the day off from their own farm.
他们要从自己的农场休假一天。
So they're sacrificing their farm to come out here.
所以他们牺牲了他们的农场来到这里。
Meanwhile, at the preschool where Susie and John take their four year old, Hannah, a school which is not a small town farm school, but a school in a regular suburb of Nashville that they drive a half hour to get to, Susie was informed that the next few months of Hannah's tuition had been paid for.
与此同时，在苏西和约翰收养他们四岁的孩子汉娜的幼儿园，这所学校不是小镇农场学校，而是纳什维尔普通郊区的一所学校，他们开车半个小时就能到达，苏西得知汉娜接下来几个月的学费已经付清了。
And one of the mothers from the preschool called Susie in the first week of all this trouble and said--
在所有这些麻烦发生的第一周，幼儿园的一位母亲给苏西打电话说——
If you need help with child care, you're going to need help with this.
如果您需要儿童保育方面的帮助，那么您将需要这方面的帮助。
And she said, are you pregnant?
她说，你怀孕了吗？
Like you can't eat that hospital food.
就像你不能吃医院的食物一样。
I said, yeah, but I couldn't coordinate.
我说是的，但是我无法协调。
Like my mind wasn't-- I was trying to try to make sure John was getting the right care and make sure-- I was still trying to keep farm things kind of going.
就像我的想法不是——我试图确保约翰得到正确的护理并确保——我仍在努力让农场的事情继续进行。
So my brain for coordination was just shot.
所以我的协调大脑就被击中了。
And she said, we're just going to make a plan here about some of this and we'll just run it by you.
她说，我们只是要在这里制定一个有关其中一些的计划，然后由您来执行。
And I said, that's great.
我说，那太好了。
Next thing Susie knew, they were handing her a schedule of parents who were going to bring food to the hospital every night.
接下来，苏西知道，他们给了她一份父母的时间表，他们每天晚上都会给医院送食物。
And families who would take Hannah after school every day for the next two weeks.
在接下来的两周里，每天放学后都会带汉娜去的家庭。
That, to me, was sort of a really-- I mean, I was surprised how much we needed it.
对我来说，这确实是——我的意思是，我很惊讶我们有多么需要它。
I thought we could just sort of patch it together and I could just come home and we just couldn't do it.
我以为我们可以把它修补在一起，然后我就可以回家，但我们就是做不到。
We just couldn't do it.
我们就是做不到。
It changes things having people reach out to like that.
让人们伸出援手，这会改变事情。
Before John got sick, Susie sometimes still had a little daydream of what her life would have been like if she had moved to a big city, like her college friends did.
在约翰生病之前，苏西有时还会做一些白日梦，想象如果她像她的大学朋友一样搬到大城市，她的生活会是什么样子。
She pictured going out to neighborhood restaurants, hanging out with people.
她想象着去附近的餐馆，和人们一起出去玩。
But she says this experience made her feel like she had her life in Tennessee, like she could never move.
但她说，这次经历让她感觉自己好像在田纳西州过着自己的生活，就像她永远无法搬家一样。
There's always been a feeling of like, how did I land here exactly?
总有一种感觉，我到底是怎么来到这里的？
And I feel now like it feels like just where we need to be.
我现在觉得这正是我们需要去的地方。
I just feel like everybody I've told about it, who live in all the places, or have all the lives that I sometimes think might have been mine in other ways--
我只是觉得我所讲述过的每个人，他们生活在各个地方，或者过着我有时认为可能以其他方式属于我的生活——
People in New York and Chicago and Minnesota?
纽约、芝加哥和明尼苏达州的人？
People in big cities or in funky, cool places that I sort of think maybe would have been nice or whatever.
住在大城市或者时髦、很酷的地方的人们我觉得可能会很好或者其他什么的。
They all seemed so shocked that people would surround us and help us this way.
他们似乎都很惊讶人们会这样包围我们并帮助我们。
And I feel shocked at that.
我对此感到震惊。
I feel like it doesn't feel easy to come by.
我感觉这个来之不易。
Well, from WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it's This American Life , I'm Ira Glass.
嗯，来自芝加哥 WBEZ 和国际公共广播电台的《美国生活》，我是 Ira Glass。
Today on our program, "Someone to Watch Over Me." Stories of people stepping in to help other people, whether they're ready for it or not.
今天我们的节目《有人守护着我》。人们介入帮助他人的故事，无论他们是否准备好。
Act One of our program today, "Doctoring the Doctor," in which a wife cares for her husband who is the worst kind of patient of all.
我们今天节目的第一幕“医生的治疗”，其中一位妻子照顾她的丈夫，而她的丈夫是最糟糕的病人。
Namely, a physician.
即，一名医生。
Act Two, "The Over-Protective Kind," in which a husband worries about his wife's safety on a very dangerous adventure that she's undertaking to a beach resort.
第二幕，“过度保护的类型”，其中丈夫担心妻子在海滩度假村进行的一次非常危险的冒险的安全。
Act Three, "Are You a Man, or Are You a Mouse." Aimee Bender contemplates what to do if your man changes from one to the other, literally.
第三幕，“你是人还是老鼠。”艾米·本德（Aimee Bender）思考，如果你的男人从一个字变成了另一个字，该怎么办。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, "Doctoring the Doctor." Douglas Forde spent his life taking care of others, as a physician in Los Angeles.
第一幕，“给医生治病”。道格拉斯·福德 (Douglas Forde) 在洛杉矶担任医生，一生都在照顾他人。
But in 2003, he had some strokes and was diagnosed with a kind of dementia, something called multi-infarct dementia.
但在2003年，他出现了一些中风，并被诊断出患有一种痴呆症，称为多发性梗塞性痴呆。
It's related to Alzheimer's.
它与阿尔茨海默氏症有关。
Douglas' wife, Jo Giese, is a radio journalist, usually for the radio program Marketplace.
道格拉斯的妻子乔·吉斯 (Jo Giese) 是一名广播记者，通常负责广播节目“市场”(Marketplace)。
And she made dozens of hours of tapes over the course of eight months when she was caring for him and had people in and out of the house taking care of him.
在八个月的时间里，当她照顾他并让家人进出房子照顾他时，她制作了数十个小时的录音带。
The kind of situation that Douglas got into at this point in his life is the kind of thing that happens all the time now, but didn't just 25 or 30 years ago.
道格拉斯在他人生的这个阶段遇到的这种情况现在经常发生，但不仅仅是25或30年前。
What's happened is that we've gotten so good at keeping people alive for years that they survive to create a whole community, an economy, a family of people who care for them.
所发生的事情是，我们多年来一直很擅长让人们活下去，以至于他们能够生存下来，创造出一个完整的社区、一个经济体、一个由照顾他们的人组成的家庭。
Douglas and Jo's house turned into a kind of mini hospital, of people caring for Douglas.
道格拉斯和乔的房子变成了一种小型医院，人们在照顾道格拉斯。
Here's Jo's story.
这是乔的故事。
In January 2003, I found my husband asleep in a pool of blood, the back of his head sliced open from a fall on the bathroom floor.
2003 年 1 月，我发现我的丈夫睡在血泊中，他的后脑勺因跌倒在浴室地板上而被划破。
He was hospitalized and his doctor thought he might die.
他被送往医院，医生认为他可能会死。
Six months later he had a massive stroke that left him unable to talk, walk, write.
六个月后，他发生了严重中风，导致他无法说话、行走和写作。
He was incontinent.
他大小便失禁。
Again, his doctor thought he might die.
他的医生再次认为他可能会死。
It's after this second false alarm with death, and after three and a half years of Douglas being ill, three and a half years of caring for him, not sure what else to do with myself, that I grabbed my tape recorder.
正是在第二次死亡误报之后，在道格拉斯生病了三年半，照顾他三年半，不知道自己还能做什么之后，我拿起了录音机。
I start recording on Father's Day.
我在父亲节开始录音。
Is there anything else we need to put on the tape?
我们还需要在磁带上添加其他内容吗？
Padrina's 35 and she's from Belize.
Padrina 35 岁，来自伯利兹。
She has the sturdy body of a weightlifter, which is important because if Douglas falls again I need someone who can lift him.
她拥有举重运动员般的强壮身体，这很重要，因为如果道格拉斯再次摔倒，我需要有人能够举起他。
Douglas is so wobbly that for his safety he's confined to the first floor of our two-story house.
道格拉斯的身体摇摇欲坠，为了安全起见，他被限制在我们两层楼的一楼。
In fact, he even sleeps downstairs in a hospital bed in the living room.
事实上，他甚至睡在楼下客厅的病床上。
It's just two weeks since his massive stroke.
他的严重中风才过去两周。
Now he's using a wheelchair, sometimes a walker.
现在他使用轮椅，有时使用助行器。
We're going to close this a little bit.
我们要稍微关闭一下这个。
Padrina, why don't you help Douglas come in.
帕德里娜，你为什么不帮道格拉斯进来呢？
Padrina's not a nurse.
帕德里娜不是护士。
She has no professional or medical training.
她没有接受过专业或医疗培训。
During the week she works at a print shop printing up business cards.
平日里，她在一家印刷店工作，打印名片。
She's a caregiver.
她是一名护理人员。
Its work usually done by new immigrants.
它的工作通常由新移民完成。
I've had over a dozen of them living with us 24 hours a day for the past six months.
在过去的六个月里，我有十几个人每天 24 小时与我们住在一起。
The caregivers bathe Douglas, trim his nails, shave him, cook for him, dress him.
护理人员为道格拉斯洗澡、修剪指甲、刮胡子、做饭、穿衣服。
In those long periods when there's nothing to do for Douglas, they also help around the house.
在道格拉斯无事可做的漫长时期，他们也会帮忙做家务。
They do some light housekeeping.
他们做一些简单的家务工作。
To help Douglas remember Padrina's name, I've written it on all the white boards I've placed around the house since he's been sick.
为了帮助道格拉斯记住帕德里纳的名字，自从他生病以来，我把它写在了我放在房子周围的所有白板上。
I also made her a name tag.
我还给她做了一个名牌。
And we'll put him over there on that side and we'll just do it buffet style.
我们把他放在那边，我们就以自助餐的方式进行。
In all the pre-party chaos, none of us notice that Douglas is no longer in the living room in his wheelchair.
在派对前的混乱中，我们没有人注意到道格拉斯不再坐在轮椅上。
We look for him everywhere.
我们到处寻找他。
Out on the patio, on the deck.
外面的露台上，甲板上。
I find him at the top of the stairs clinging to the banister for dear life.
我发现他在楼梯顶上，紧紧抓住栏杆，拼命地抓着栏杆。
What happened?
发生了什么？
How did you happen to go upstairs?
你怎么上楼了？
He doesn't remember that he hasn't been upstairs in weeks.
他不记得自己已经好几个星期没有上楼了。
You don't really have the strength to go upstairs anymore.
你真的没有力气再上楼了。
Yeah, but we're in a different condition in your life right now.
是的，但我们现在在你的生活中处于不同的状态。
Were you just going to rest here a moment?
你只是想在这里休息一下吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Jo Giese I get him a chair.
乔·吉斯 我给他拿了把椅子。
While he's catching his breath I find Padrina.
当他喘口气时，我找到了帕德里娜。
Padrina, come here a second.
帕德里娜，过来一下。
If I ever ask you to do something like to back him downstairs because people are coming, your main job is to just keep your eyes on Douglas.
如果我要求你做一些事情，比如因为有人来而把他扶到楼下，你的主要工作就是盯着道格拉斯。
What happened?
发生了什么？
Exactly.
确切地。
My job is a nurse, not nurse slash maid.
我的工作是护士，不是护士女仆。
OK, but Shoni does housework and she keeps an eye on him.
好吧，但肖尼做家务，她会留意他。
But we've had three examples of this now.
但我们现在已经有了三个这样的例子。
This can't go on.
这不能再继续下去了。
It's scary.
太可怕了。
I guess he's not supposed to stay by himself.
我想他不应该一个人呆在这儿。
Well, he's never by himself.
嗯，他从来都不是一个人。
Padrina Yes, of course, never.
帕德里娜 是的，当然，从来没有。
Even when I use the restroom, I keep a crack on the door.
即使我上厕所的时候，我也会在门上留一条缝。
I use it real quick and I keep peeking on him.
我用得很快，而且一直在偷看他。
It takes one second.
需要一秒钟。
That's all it took.
就这样。
OK.
好的。
So in the future we'll just keep an eye on him a little bit more.
所以未来我们会多关注他一点。
Exactly.
确切地。
Jo Giese OK, well, I'm going to go downstairs and make the lemonade for the party.
乔·吉斯：好的，好吧，我要下楼为聚会做柠檬水。
You're going to stay up here and watch over his shoulder.
你要呆在这里并在他身后监视。
OK.
好的。
Jo Giese It scares me whenever a caregiver isn't paying attention.
Jo Giese 每当护理人员不注意时，我都会感到害怕。
I already experienced the shock of finding Douglas once in a pool of blood, I couldn't bear to find him at the bottom of the stairs with a broken neck.
我曾经经历过在血泊中发现道格拉斯时的震惊，我无法忍受在楼梯底部发现他脖子骨折了。
With everything else going on, I'm now managing all these people in my own home.
随着其他一切的进行，我现在正在自己的家里管理所有这些人。
We have two shifts of live-in caregivers.
我们有两班倒的住家保姆。
One's Monday to Thursday and the other's Thursday to Sunday.
一个是周一到周四，另一个是周四到周日。
There are six different caregivers rotating in and out, and that doesn't include the visiting nurses and a physical therapist.
有六名不同的护理人员轮流进出，这不包括上门护士和物理治疗师。
Yeah, this I did.
是的，这是我做的。
This is Shoni.
这是肖尼。
She's 53 years old and from the Philippines.
她今年 53 岁，来自菲律宾。
She works the Monday to Thursday shift.
她周一至周四轮班工作。
Shoni's been with us a month.
肖尼和我们在一起一个月了。
She's been doing this work forever.
她一直在做这项工作。
She's seen a lot of her clients die.
她亲眼目睹了很多客户的死亡。
Whenever this happens, she flies back home to the Philippines for a couple of weeks to recover.
每当这种情况发生时，她都会飞回菲律宾的家中几周以康复。
Good morning.
早上好。
Shoni Good morning, Douglas.
肖尼 早上好，道格拉斯。
How are you?
你好吗？
Shoni Fine.
肖尼·法恩。
I'm sorry I am late a little bit.
抱歉我迟到了一点。
It's the traffic.
这就是交通。
It's bumper to bumper.
这是一个接一个接一个保险杠。
Jo Giese Then there's Evelyn, a visiting nurse from St. John's Hospital.
乔·吉斯 (Jo Giese) 然后是伊芙琳 (Evelyn)，她是圣约翰医院的客座护士。
She's kind of seen it all.
她好像看到了这一切。
We enjoy each other.
我们彼此享受。
We call each other by our nicknames.
我们用昵称互相称呼。
She calls me Josie, I call her Evie.
她叫我乔西，我叫她伊维。
On days when Evie isn't making house calls, another nurse, Amanda, stops by.
当埃维不上门拜访的时候，另一位护士阿曼达就会过来。
Amanda's style is way too perky for me.
阿曼达的风格对我来说太活泼了。
OK, I'm going to listen to your heart, and your lungs, and your tummy, and check your blood pressure.
好的，我要听听你的心脏、肺和肚子的声音，并检查你的血压。
And then we'll take you blood and run it to the lab.
然后我们会抽取你的血液并将其送往实验室。
I cringe when she tells my husband that she's going to look at his tummy.
当她告诉我丈夫她要看看他的肚子时，我感到畏缩。
The thing that kills me though, is that if Douglas were his old self, he would too.
但令我心碎的是，如果道格拉斯是以前的自己，他也会这么做。
As a physician, he practiced medicine with a certain elegance.
作为一名医生，他以某种优雅的方式行医。
Never in a million years would he have spoken baby talk to a patient.
一百万年来，他从来不会对病人说儿语。
Give me a smile.
给我一个微笑。
Good.
好的。
Jo Giese And then there's Shirley.
乔·吉斯 然后是雪莉。
She's a weekend substitute.
她是周末的替补。
She's from Little Rock, Arkansas.
她来自阿肯色州小石城。
She's 61, stylish, and she laughs easily.
她今年 61 岁，很时尚，而且很爱笑。
There's also Don, the physical therapist.
还有物理治疗师唐。
He comes in three times a week.
他每周来三次。
And then we have our unofficial maintenance crew.
然后我们有我们的非官方维护人员。
Each time Douglas's condition changes, Brad comes by to install more handrails and grab bars in the house.
每当道格拉斯的病情发生变化时，布拉德就会过来在房子里安装更多的扶手和扶手。
Bill comes to clean the carpet.
比尔来清洁地毯。
He hasn't been here since Douglas fell in January.
自从一月份道格拉斯倒下以来他就没有来过这里。
There's still some blood from that accident to cleanup.
那场事故还有一些血迹需要清理。
Sorry to be so nosy.
抱歉这么多管闲事。
I'm just curious, what do the doctors have to say about him?
我只是好奇，医生对他有什么看法？
My dad passed away and he lived in the living room for a year, so I just know that's another step in the progression of downwardness.
我父亲去世了，他在客厅里住了一年，所以我只知道这是向下发展的又一步。
Sorry to say.
抱歉地说。
Having so many people coming in and out of the house, sometimes I feel like I'm getting to know way too many people way too well.
有这么多人进出房子，有时我觉得我对太多人了解得太深了。
At this point, there's not much the caregivers and I don't know about each other.
此时，护理人员并不多，我彼此也不了解。
Take Shoni.
以肖尼为例。
At night, she wears a red nightie, and every Thursday she rolls her short black hair in pink rollers.
晚上，她穿着红色睡衣，每周四她都会用粉色卷发卷卷起黑色短发。
Shirley spends her off hours at Hollywood Park, the race track, betting on the horses.
雪莉利用业余时间在好莱坞公园赛马场赌马。
And Padrina never misses a Lakers game on TV.
帕德里纳从来不会错过电视上播放的湖人队比赛。
In turn, they probably know I'm drinking too much.
反过来，他们可能知道我喝得太多了。
I need this crowd of people to help me run this mini hospital.
我需要这群人来帮助我经营这家小型医院。
Except after six months, I'm fed up with never having any privacy.
除了六个月之后，我厌倦了没有任何隐私。
So I just made a sign from my bedroom door.
所以我只是在卧室门上做了一个标志。
No entrance.
没有入口。
Stay out.
留在外面。
Except nobody's paying any attention to my sign.
只是没有人注意我的标志。
They still waltz right in on me.
他们仍然在向我跳华尔兹。
I'll be sitting on the toilet and there they are.
我会坐在马桶上，他们就在那里。
I've always thought of myself as a go with the flow person, someone with a little grace under pressure.
我一直认为自己是一个随波逐流的人，在压力下仍能保持一点优雅的人。
But after months of caregivers living in my home, drinking my coffee out of my cups, packing my refrigerator with their buns and noodles, I have a short fuse.
但在护理人员住在我家几个月、用我的杯子喝咖啡、用他们的面包和面条装满我的冰箱之后，我变得脾气暴躁。
But I can't blow up at them because then they'll walk off the job.
但我不能对他们发脾气，因为那样的话他们就会辞职。
So I suck it up.
所以我忍住了。
Meanwhile, all the simple comforts of marriage are gone.
与此同时，婚姻中所有简单的舒适都消失了。
Douglas and I no longer share a bed, and it's Shoni, not me, who tucks my husband in for the night.
道格拉斯和我不再共用一张床，晚上给我丈夫盖被子的是肖尼，而不是我。
Okie dokie.
好吧，好吧。
While you are sitting, I gave you your medication, OK?
当你坐着的时候，我给了你药，好吗？
Yeah, I got it.
是的，我明白了。
Jo Giese Between the medications and the dementia, Douglas's whole personality has changed.
乔·吉斯 (Jo Giese) 在药物治疗和痴呆症之间，道格拉斯的整个性格都发生了变化。
He's pulling in to himself.
他正在自我封闭。
He can't stand it when I touch him.
当我碰他的时候他就受不了了。
But I still reach out, still try to connect with this man who was once the big love of my life.
但我仍然伸出援手，仍然尝试与这个曾经是我一生挚爱的男人建立联系。
OK, I'm going to go upstairs and take a bath.
好吧，我要上楼去洗澡了。
Shoni will be here.
肖尼会在这里。
Shoni will be here.
肖尼会在这里。
Jo Giese Would you like me to stay here with you a little bit?
乔·吉斯 你想让我在这儿陪你一会儿吗？
What I want him to say is yes.
我想让他说的是，是的。
I want to sit by him as long as I can.
我想尽可能长时间地坐在他身边。
No, Jo, don't.
不，乔，不要。
Don't bother.
别打扰。
I know you're going to have a good bath.
我知道你会好好洗个澡。
That's not the point, Doogle.
这不是重点，杜格尔。
Would you like me to sit here with you a little bit?
你想让我在这儿陪你坐一会儿吗？
Would that be a comfort to you?
这对你来说会是一种安慰吗？
OK.
好的。
You can do it, Jo.
你能做到的，乔。
Jo Giese Because sometimes it's confusing.
Jo Giese 因为有时会令人困惑。
I don't know if you are more comfortable just by yourself resting or if it's more of a comfort if I'm here.
我不知道你自己休息是否更舒服，还是我在这里更舒服。
Well, as a matter of fact, once I receive a notice that I'm going to go to sleep, I'm going to go to sleep.
嗯，事实上，一旦我收到要睡觉的通知，我就会去睡觉。
Do you follow that?
你遵守吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Douglas Forde I like to go to sleep.
道格拉斯·福特 我喜欢睡觉。
Yeah.
是的。
Good night Doogle.
晚安杜格尔。
Douglas Forde Good night.
道格拉斯·福特 晚安。
Marooned upstairs in my bedroom I lie awake and listen to Douglas breathing on the monitor.
我被困在楼上的卧室里，醒着，听着监视器上道格拉斯的呼吸声。
Sleep is impossible, so most nights I wander back downstairs and look for Shoni.
睡觉是不可能的，所以大多数晚上我都会下楼寻找肖尼。
The rooms are dark.
房间很暗。
I usually find her in the kitchen watching TV.
我通常发现她在厨房里看电视。
Then I pour myself another glass of wine or two, or three.
然后我又给自己倒了一两杯、三杯酒。
Shoni usually has tea.
肖尼通常喝茶。
We talk about her son, her new grandchild, how much we both like to dance.
我们谈论她的儿子、她的新孙子，以及我们有多喜欢跳舞。
One night in July she tells me she's worried that when Douglas has another stroke the two of us won't be able to lift him.
七月的一个晚上，她告诉我，她担心当道格拉斯再次中风时，我们两个人将无法抬起他。
Recently he slid off the toilet and we had to call the fire department to pick him up from the bathroom floor.
最近他从马桶上滑下来，我们不得不打电话给消防部门把他从浴室地板上救起来。
So far I've had no luck finding a male caregiver, or at least a woman who's Douglas's size.
到目前为止，我还没有找到男性看护者，或者至少是像道格拉斯那么大的女性。
And I just let Padrina go.
我就让帕德里娜走了。
It takes weeks to find someone to replace her and during that time I care for him alone three days a week.
找到替代她的人需要几周的时间，在那段时间里，我每周三天独自照顾他。
I hate some parts of the job and I can tell that Douglas hates me doing them too.
我讨厌这份工作的某些部分，而且我看得出来道格拉斯也讨厌我做这些事情。
When I help him with his personal hygiene he gets this pained look on his face.
当我帮助他处理个人卫生时，他脸上露出痛苦的表情。
One day I'm watching Shoni give Douglas a sponge bath.
有一天，我看到肖尼给道格拉斯擦澡。
He's naked on the bed except for one strategically placed towel.
他赤身裸体地躺在床上，只留了一条精心放置的毛巾。
And she's scrubbing him with a white terry cloth wash cloth when he turns to me and says--
当她转向我说——时，她正在用一块白色毛巾布擦洗他。
I would just assume that you didn't watch all of this.
我只是假设你没有看这一切。
You don't want me to watch?
你不想让我看吗？
Douglas Forde No, I don't.
道格拉斯·福特：不，我不这么认为。
OK, I'll go away.
好吧，我这就走。
How would you like it, he asks, if I watched you?
他问，如果我看着你，你觉得怎么样？
It's taken a few weeks, but I've just found a new weekend caregiver.
花了几周时间，我刚刚找到了一位新的周末看护人。
Vicky's from Bulgaria.
Vicky 来自保加利亚。
She's 27.
她27岁了。
And like most caregivers, she's perfectly qualified for some other line of work.
和大多数护理人员一样，她完全有资格从事其他工作。
I had my master degree in economics.
我拥有经济学硕士学位。
My specialties marketing and trading.
我的专业是营销和贸易。
Vicky came to the US less than a year ago with her boyfriend, who's trying to get permanent legal residency.
不到一年前，维姬和男友来到美国，男友正在努力获得永久合法居留权。
She wears green Spandex bicycle pants.
她穿着绿色氨纶自行车裤。
She has a beautiful smile.
她有一个美丽的微笑。
We can use some light an laughter in this house.
我们可以在这所房子里使用一些灯光和笑声。
Hi Vicky.
嗨维琪。
Vicky Good morning, how are you?
维琪 早上好，你好吗？
I'm well.
我很好。
How are you?
你好吗？
Vicky Fine, thank you.
维琪 好的，谢谢。
Vicky has an easy rapport with Doogle and he's charmed by her.
维姬与杜格尔关系融洽，杜格尔被她迷住了。
One morning I walk into the kitchen to find her teaching him the Bulgarian word for French toast.
一天早上，我走进厨房，发现她正在教他保加利亚语中的法式吐司。
So, how are you doing this morning, Doogle?
那么，你今天早上过得怎么样，Doogle？
[UNINTELLIGIBLE].
[无法理解]。
Jo Giese You went upstairs, you had a shower, you've read some of the newspaper.
乔·吉斯：你上楼了，洗了个澡，也读了一些报纸。
[UNINTELLIGIBLE].
[无法理解]。
Jo Giese Come on, Douglas.
乔·吉斯 加油，道格拉斯。
I'm just asking you how you're feeling this morning?
我只是问你今天早上感觉怎么样？
[LAUGHTER] Douglas Forde [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
[笑声]道格拉斯·福特[难以理解]。
[LAUGHTER] Jo Giese Why are the two of you laughing?
[笑声] Jo Giese 你们两个为什么笑？
[LAUGHTER] Jo Giese OK, what are your plans for the day?
[笑声] Jo Giese 好吧，你今天有什么计划？
You guys just going to sit around and laugh?
你们只是坐在一起笑吗？
I'm pleased someone unleashes the laughter in Doogle.
我很高兴有人在 Doogle 中释放笑声。
But for me, I'm the one who's holding everything together.
但对我来说，我是把一切维系在一起的人。
It feels like I haven't laughed in a year.
感觉自己已经一年没笑了。
I wake up angry, I go to bed angry.
我生气地醒来，生气地睡觉。
As you can imagine, money is hemorrhaging out of our bank account.
正如你可以想象的那样，我们的银行账户里的钱正在大量流失。
I'm spending over $1,000 a week on caregivers.
我每周在看护人身上花费超过 1,000 美元。
I've heard about people who end up selling their houses to finance this kind of care.
我听说有人最终卖掉了自己的房子来资助这种护理。
Since Douglas doesn't drive anymore, a few weeks ago we talked about selling his car.
由于道格拉斯不再开车了，几周前我们讨论过卖掉他的车。
At the time, he thought it was a good idea.
当时，他认为这是一个好主意。
Today, as I'm leaving to show his car to a possible buyer, I remind him about our decision.
今天，当我准备向一位可能的买家展示他的汽车时，我提醒他我们的决定。
That turns out to be a big, fat mistake.
事实证明这是一个大错误。
One of the errands I'm doing this morning is I'm taking your car to the Pacific Palisades.
我今天早上要做的事情之一就是开你的车去太平洋帕利塞兹。
Don, the physical therapist, has a client there who might want to buy it.
物理治疗师唐在那里有一位客户可能想购买它。
Well, I would really prefer because I'm ready now actually, I would really prefer not selling it and keeping it.
好吧，我真的更愿意，因为我现在已经准备好了，实际上，我真的不想卖掉它并保留它。
Me drive it.
我驾驶它。
Jo Giese You know you don't have a driver's license?
Jo Giese 你知道你没有驾照吗？
You surrendered your driver's license after you had that stroke in January.
您在一月份中风后交出了驾驶执照。
I really hate it when you refer to that little episode that I had as a stroke.
我真的很讨厌你把我的那次小插曲称为中风。
A stroke is not a stroke.
中风不是中风。
A stroke is not what you're talking about.
你说的不是中风。
A stroke is where you can't get out of bed because your whole left side is useless.
中风是指您无法起床，因为您的整个左侧都毫无用处。
That's true, of course.
当然，这是事实。
But what he's forgetting is that happened to him.
但他忘记了，这件事就发生在他身上。
He really did have a stroke.
他确实中风了。
A massive one.
一个巨大的。
You want to talk to your friends about it, you can refer to it as what it was.
你想和你的朋友谈论它，你可以参考它的本来面目。
It was a TIA, a ischemic attack.
这是一次短暂性脑缺血发作（TIA），即缺血性发作。
That's a spasm.
那是痉挛。
A stroke is a clot.
中风是血栓。
You need to go to medical school in order to learn what a stroke is.
您需要去医学院才能了解什么是中风。
Douglas and I fell in love on our third date.
道格拉斯和我在第三次约会时坠入爱河。
For 17 years it was the easiest relationship either of us ever knew.
17 年来，这是我们所知道的最轻松的关系。
To turn away from your beloved, to waste a single day in anger, that's the luxury of the young.
背弃所爱的人，在愤怒中浪费一天的时间，这是年轻人的奢侈。
We knew life was too short.
我们知道生命太短暂。
When he was well, Douglas was an extraordinary listener.
当道格拉斯身体健康时，他是一位出色的倾听者。
Now there's no listening.
现在没人听了。
During these four months, she has really not felt well, but has difficulty in describing it.
这四个月里，她的心情确实不太好，但又很难描述。
Just the other day, I found his old dictaphone, the one he used when he was practicing medicine.
就在前几天，我发现了他的旧录音机，那是他行医时使用的。
And in between notes for patients' charts, he accidentally recorded a phone call he made to me.
在记录病人病历的间隙，他不小心录下了他给我打的电话。
It begins with a sentence he'd never say today.
这句话是从他今天从未说过的一句话开始的。
Hello, I was just phoning you to see how you are.
你好，我刚刚给你打电话，想了解一下你的情况。
OK, that's what I thought.
好吧，我就是这么想的。
So I just going to say hello and I will probably be home about 2:30, 3 o'clock.
所以我只是打个招呼，我可能会在 2:30、3 点左右回家。
Yeah, what time do you meet him?
是啊，你什么时候见他？
Well, I'll come over to the house first.
嗯，我先到家里来一下。
Yeah.
是的。
All right, bye.
好吧，再见。
It's the most ordinary kind of phone call in the world.
这是世界上最普通的电话。
Two people checking in.
两个人登记入住。
And today, even though he's the one with that thousand mile blank stare, and he's the one losing his memory, it's like I'm losing mine too.
而今天，尽管他是那个千里茫然的人，也是他失去了记忆，但我好像也失去了我的记忆。
It's hard to get up the habit of talking to Douglas about every little thing.
养成跟道格拉斯谈论每件小事的习惯是很困难的。
I keep forgetting that an easy husband-wife chat is no longer possible.
我总是忘记，轻松的夫妻聊天已经不可能了。
How are you feeling about the caregivers who are here in the house.
您对家里的护理人员感觉如何？
Vicky and Shoni?
维琪和肖妮？
I think get them out.
我想把他们赶出去。
I don't like having people around the house.
我不喜欢有人在家里。
But there is a need for them.
但他们是有需要的。
Douglas Forde In what way is there a need for daily nursing?
Douglas Forde 日常护理有何需要？
I don't need people here all the time.
我不需要一直有人在这里。
I notice that when people are here all the time, you're not here.
我注意到，当人们一直在这里时，你却不在这里。
It's as though you're replacing, you're being replaced.
就好像你正在取代，你正在被取代。
Like yesterday, I was really tired of having people around.
就像昨天一样，我真的厌倦了有人在身边。
See, what's difficult for you to understand is that we are so different.
你看，你很难理解的是我们如此不同。
You don't need a host of friends coming in?
不需要一大群朋友过来吗？
Hearing this gives me a chill.
听到这话我不寒而栗。
His whole world is now me.
现在他的整个世界都是我了。
Douglas's life has gotten so small, it's confined to the living room, dining room, kitchen, powder room, the deck.
道格拉斯的生活变得如此狭小，仅限于客厅、餐厅、厨房、化妆间和甲板。
But my life also has a short tether.
但我的生命也很短。
If I go more than 12 miles from the house I get physically nauseous.
如果我离开家超过 12 英里，我就会感到恶心。
I never thought that I'd have anything in common with Nancy Reagan, but when I read that when Ronnie was still alive Nancy didn't go any further than five minutes from their home, in a weird way I felt close to her.
我从来没有想过我和南希·里根有什么共同点，但是当我读到罗尼还活着的时候，南希离他们家只走不到五分钟，我以一种奇怪的方式感觉和她很亲近。
It's the end of August.
现在是八月底。
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.
我不知道我还能坚持多久。
Nine months ago Douglas's doctor urged me to consider a nursing home.
九个月前，道格拉斯的医生敦促我考虑去疗养院。
But years before that Douglas filled out a medical directive, a standard form with check boxes we got at the stationery store.
但几年前，道格拉斯填写了一份医疗指示，这是我们在文具店买到的带有复选框的标准表格。
He marked each box carefully: no life support, must be able to care for himself, communicate meaningfully with others.
他在每个盒子上都仔细地标记：没有生命支持，必须能够照顾自己，与他人进行有意义的沟通。
And then at the bottom of the page in his beautiful, old-fashioned handwriting he added, don't want to go to a rest home.
然后，他在页面底部用漂亮的老式笔迹补充道：不想去疗养院。
Period.
时期。
Just want to be at home.
只是想待在家里。
Period.
时期。
One day at his doctor's office while Douglas sits out in the waiting room with Vicky, I talk about this with Arman, his doctor.
有一天，在他的医生办公室，道格拉斯和维琪坐在候诊室里，我和他的医生阿曼谈论了这件事。
So, how long does this go on for.
那么，这种情况要持续多久。
I mean, how do people hang in?
我的意思是，人们如何坚持下去？
I mean, I'm really serious.
我是说，我真的很认真。
Very tough.
非常艰难。
It could go on for 5 years, 10 years, 15 years.
它可能会持续5年、10年、15年。
We would be totally out of money by then.
到时候我们就彻底没钱了。
Well, these things can go-- have a life of their own.
好吧，这些东西可以消失——拥有自己的生命。
As long as he eats and has a good appetite and he's cared for, he could do fine.
只要他吃得好，胃口好，并且得到照顾，他就能做得很好。
Could he get a full-blown Alzheimer's where he doesn't recognize me, doesn't recognize the dog?
他会不会得了全面的阿尔茨海默病，他不认识我，不认识那只狗？
Could he get a full-blown dementia that he can do this?
他会做这种事，会不会得了彻底的痴呆症？
The answer is, it's possible.
答案是，有可能。
It's highly probable I think in this case.
我认为在这种情况下很有可能。
With medication, you're slowing the pace of the deterioration.
通过药物治疗，您可以减缓病情恶化的速度。
In other words, the better we care for him, the longer he'll survive.
换句话说，我们越照顾他，他就能活得越久。
And the more likely he'll live to the point where he doesn't even recognize me.
而且他更有可能活到连我都不认识的地步。
Not long after that appointment, Vicky, the one taught Douglas the Bulgarian word for French toast, quits.
在那次任命后不久，教道格拉斯保加利亚语“法式吐司”一词的维琪就辞职了。
The hours are too hard for her, she says.
她说，工作时间对她来说太辛苦了。
And she has a four month old baby.
她还有一个四个月大的孩子。
I call an agency I used once and explained that I need an older person, strong enough to lift my husband, and experienced enough so that when things get worse, they can point the way and tell me what to do.
我打电话给我曾经使用过的一家机构，解释说我需要一个年长的人，有足够的力量来举起我的丈夫，并且有足够的经验，这样当事情变得更糟时，他们可以指明道路并告诉我该怎么做。
I end up with Jenny, the youngest, smallest, most inexperienced caregiver of all the 17 people I've hired.
最后我找到了珍妮，她是我雇用的 17 个人中最年轻、个子最小、最缺乏经验的看护者。
She's 23, barely 5 feet tall, has been in the US only 4 months.
她今年 23 岁，身高仅 5 英尺，来美国仅 4 个月。
She's never seen anyone die.
她从未见过有人死。
She turns out to be perfect for the job.
事实证明她非常适合这份工作。
Douglas continues to decline.
道格拉斯的病情持续恶化。
By Christmas Eve he's able to sit at the table, but that takes all his energy.
到圣诞节前夕，他就可以坐在餐桌旁了，但这会消耗他所有的精力。
He doesn't talk.
他不说话。
He just stares.
他只是凝视着。
In January, no matter how hot I make the house, Douglas can't get warm.
一月份，无论我把房子弄得多热，道格拉斯都暖不起来。
Finally, he slips into a coma and dies February 1 at home of an infection.
最终，他陷入昏迷，并于 2 月 1 日因感染在家中去世。
I just left the room for a second when it happened.
事情发生时我刚离开房间一会儿。
Jenny, his final caregiver, is with him when he takes his last breath.
珍妮是他最后的照顾者，在他咽下最后一口气时陪伴在他身边。
I speak with her a month after he died.
他去世一个月后我与她交谈。
Before he took his last breath, his breathing is harder and closer.
在他咽下最后一口气之前，他的呼吸越来越急促、越来越近。
But then, I said, he's not going to die at this moment.
但我说，他现在不会死。
So I just walk to the window.
所以我就走到窗边。
And then in a few minutes I just heard one last breath.
几分钟后，我听到了最后一口气。
It's like [GASPING SOUND].
就像[喘息声]。
I said, oh, he's gone.
我说，哦，他走了。
Then I called you.
然后我给你打了电话。
I can't forget that.
我不能忘记这一点。
Well, what's interesting to me about this process is since you were with him when he took his last breath, and you were with us, I don't ever want to lose contact with you.
嗯，这个过程对我来说有趣的是，自从他咽下最后一口气时你就在他身边，而且你就在我们身边，我永远不想与你失去联系。
You are part of the family.
你是家庭的一员。
What can I say?
我能说什么？
Jo Giese So we've become family, Jenny.
乔·吉斯 所以我们已经成为一家人了，珍妮。
Yeah.
是的。
I feel that I am the member of your family too.
我感觉我也是你们家庭的一员。
It's weird, but I miss all the commotion.
这很奇怪，但我想念所有的骚动。
I miss everything and everyone.
我想念一切和所有人。
I miss the life and death urgency.
我怀念生死攸关的紧迫感。
After Douglas died and everyone cleared out of the house, it was so silent.
道格拉斯死后，所有人都离开了房子，房子里一片寂静。
It wasn't just that he was gone, everything was gone.
不仅仅是他消失了，一切都消失了。
The people, the adjustable bed, the medicines, my mini hospital shut down.
人、可调节床、药品，我的迷你医院都关闭了。
I suddenly had nothing to do.
我突然无事可做。
I was in shock.
我很震惊。
So I called Jenny and asked her to come stay with me for a few days.
所以我打电话给珍妮，请她来和我一起住几天。
Joe Giese in Los Angeles.
乔·吉斯在洛杉矶。
[MUSIC- "SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME" BY RICKIE LEE JONES]
[音乐-瑞奇·李·琼斯的《有人守护着我》]
Coming up, a marriage where they serve and protect.
即将到来的是，他们服务和保护的婚姻。
She serves, he protects.
她服务，他保护。
Or, maybe it's the other way around.
或者，也许恰恰相反。
That's in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International when our program continues.
一分钟后，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life , I'm Ira Glass.
这就是美国生活，我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's program, "Someone to Watch Over Me," we have stories of three couples.
今天的节目《有人守护我》讲述了三对情侣的故事。
In each story one person taking care of the other.
每个故事中都有一个人照顾另一个人。
We've arrived at act two of our program.
我们已经进入了计划的第二幕。
Act Two, The Over-Protective Kind.
第二幕，过度保护的类型。
Veronica Chater tells this story.
维罗妮卡·查特讲述了这个故事。
The setting, the Bay Area suburbs.
背景是湾区郊区。
The characters, her own mother and father.
角色，她自己的母亲和父亲。
Recently, my parents' marriage went through a few weeks of chaos when my mom announced that she was taking a vacation.
最近，当我妈妈宣布她要休假时，我父母的婚姻经历了几周的混乱。
Turns out, Noreen, her best friend of 40 years, was inviting her to Puerta Vallarta, Mexico, to spend a week in her timeshare.
原来，她 40 年来最好的朋友诺琳邀请她去墨西哥的巴亚尔塔港，在她的分时度假中度过一周。
My parents had been married for 45 years and they've never been apart for more than a day or two.
我的父母结婚已有 45 年了，他们分开的时间从来不超过一两天。
What's more, in those 45 years, they've never taken a vacation.
更重要的是，这45年里，他们从来没有休假过。
Partly because they've been raising 11 children and helping to raise 20 grandchildren.
部分原因是他们养育了 11 个孩子并帮助抚养 20 个孙辈。
And partly because my dad's feelings about vacations go something like this.
部分原因是我父亲对假期的感受是这样的。
I detest shopping.
我讨厌购物。
I detest eating out.
我讨厌出去吃饭。
I detest motels.
我讨厌汽车旅馆。
I detest beaches.
我讨厌海滩。
I detest anything having to do with what most people go on vacations for.
我讨厌任何与大多数人度假的目的有关的事情。
For me, it's the opposite of having fun.
对我来说，这与享受乐趣相反。
It's a purgatory.
这是一个炼狱。
Mom didn't even think of inviting him along.
妈妈根本没想过要邀请他一起去。
But as she began preparing for her trip, Dad began worrying.
但当她开始准备旅行时，爸爸开始担心。
My dad is something of a safety net.
我的父亲是一个安全网。
He was a police officer and then a corporate security consultant.
他曾是一名警察，后来成为一名公司安全顾问。
And as a result, he's the kind of guy who sees danger around every corner and is ready to defend himself and his family against any possible foe.
因此，他是那种看到每个角落都有危险并准备保护自己和家人免受任何可能的敌人侵害的人。
As I was growing up, whenever our birthdays came around, my brothers and sisters and I always knew the present from dad was going to be a weapon.
在我的成长过程中，每当生日到来时，我和我的兄弟姐妹们总是知道爸爸送的礼物将是一件武器。
A hunting knife say, or a rifle.
比如说猎刀，或者步枪。
After I was the victim of a violent crime about 10 years ago, he only got worse.
大约十年前，当我成为暴力犯罪的受害者后，他的情况变得更糟。
He took me out to buy a gun, a Colt 38 detective special, and taught me how to use it.
他带我出去买了一把柯尔特38侦探专用枪，并教我如何使用它。
Then he wrote a book called The Protection Formula : Thinking like a Cop , to teach ordinary people to be more like him.
然后他写了一本名为《保护公式：像警察一样思考》的书，教导普通人变得更像他。
These days, when he bicycles to work each day on a busy road in the California suburbs, he carries with him a fully stocked survival kit.
如今，当他每天在加州郊区一条繁忙的道路上骑自行车上班时，他都会随身携带储备齐全的救生包。
Ace bandages, iodine, insulating blanket, and just to be on the safe side, a 10-inch long bayonet.
王牌绷带、碘酒、绝缘毯，为了安全起见，还有一把 10 英寸长的刺刀。
He'd carry a gun if he could, but as a former cop, he'd never dream of breaking California's concealed weapons law.
如果可以的话，他会带枪，但作为一名前警察，他从来没有梦想过违反加州的隐藏武器法。
Given all this, when my mom broke the news that she was heading on vacation to a foreign country, it meant only one thing to my dad-- peril.
考虑到这一切，当我妈妈告诉我她要去国外度假时，对我爸爸来说只意味着一件事——危险。
You get two quite naive women down there and my wife still has sex appeal as far as I'm concerned ant that's a case for worry.
那里有两个相当天真的女人，而我的妻子仍然具有性感，就我而言，这是值得担心的情况。
It isn't only that she still has sex appeal, it's the fact that there are bad people that will do things to compromise a middle-aged woman.
不仅仅是她还有性感，更是有坏人会做一些损害中年妇女的事情。
They might think she's wealthy.
他们可能认为她很有钱。
Who knows what a depraved person will think.
谁知道一个堕落的人会怎么想。
You don't know, there's plenty of them out there.
你不知道，那里有很多这样的人。
No, because of where we're going to be.
不，因为我们要去的地方。
When you're in a place like Puerta Vallarta, which is a resort town, and I've talked to several people that I've come in contact with that have been there, and it's been fine.
当你在像巴亚尔塔港这样的度假小镇的地方时，我和我接触过的几个去过那里的人谈过，一切都很好。
And we're not that naive, my goodness sakes.
天哪，我们没那么天真。
Do you really think Mom's being naive to say--
你真的认为妈妈这么说很天真吗——
Yes, I think she is.
是的，我认为她是。
We've discussed this before.
我们之前已经讨论过这个问题。
There's a state of mind that some people do not have.
有一种心态是有些人没有的。
They don't have a vigilance about them.
他们对他们没有警惕性。
They don't suspect and that bothers me.
他们不怀疑，这让我很困扰。
Dad had plenty of ideas about what might happen to mom in Puerta Vallarta.
爸爸对妈妈在巴亚尔塔港可能发生的事情有很多想法。
Someone could slip a Mickey into her drink.
有人可以把米奇放进她的饮料里。
They could copy her hotel room key and follow her back to her room.
他们可以复制她的酒店房间钥匙并跟踪她回到她的房间。
Dad stewed about this for two weeks, and then one day he announced to my mom that he had no choice, he was coming with her.
爸爸为这件事苦恼了两个星期，然后有一天，他向我妈妈宣布，他别无选择，他要和她一起去。
It would be the only way to ensure her safety.
这是确保她安全的唯一方法。
Mom was stunned and stammered that of course, he'd be welcome to come.
妈妈愣住了，结结巴巴地说，当然欢迎他来。
And then she quickly called Noreen.
然后她很快就给诺琳打了电话。
This wasn't the vacation either of them had in mind and they had to do some last minute juggling.
这不是他们俩心目中的假期，他们不得不在最后一刻做一些杂耍。
They had to figure out sleeping arrangements.
他们必须想出睡觉的安排。
They had to buy another plane ticket.
他们不得不再买一张机票。
And while Mom went about shopping for swimsuits and suntan lotion, Dad started preparing for the trip in his own way.
当妈妈去购买泳衣和防晒霜时，爸爸开始以自己的方式准备这次旅行。
By faxing a letter to the Mexican consulate asking which weapons of self defense he could legally bring into the country.
通过传真给墨西哥领事馆询问他可以合法携带哪些自卫武器进入该国。
I asked Dad to read a sample from the latter.
我请爸爸读了后者的样本。
Presumably, guns are not allowed there for travelers, but what about pepper spray and knives?
据推测，那里不允许旅客携带枪支，但是胡椒喷雾和刀具呢？
I'm retired from law enforcement and therefore I know intimately, our state laws on bladed weapons, which are very specific as to length of blade, concealed and et cetera.
我从执法部门退休，因此我非常了解我们州有关刀片武器的法律，这些法律对于刀片的长度、隐蔽性等都有非常具体的规定。
And because I want to stay within the law in Mexico, I'd like to know specifics.
因为我想遵守墨西哥的法律，所以我想了解具体细节。
What is the language of the laws as to blade length, concealment, folders versus fixed blades, gravity knives, and so on.
关于刀片长度、隐蔽性、文件夹与直刀、重力刀等方面的法律语言是什么？
Also, the laws on pepper spray or the like.
还有关于胡椒喷雾等的法律。
And a final question, if we decide to rent a car and drive in the hinterland, is it possible to hire protection?
最后一个问题，如果我们决定租车在内陆地区行驶，是否可以雇用保护？
For instance, off duty policeman.
例如，下班的警察。
Dad never did get a response to his letter.
爸爸的信从未得到回复。
But he did hear from his law enforcement buddies that bringing a weapon into Mexico could land him in jail indefinitely.
但他确实从执法伙伴那里听说，携带武器进入墨西哥可能会让他无限期入狱。
He began to worry that announcing his desire to enter the country armed might not have been the best way to introduce himself to the Mexican authorities.
他开始担心，宣布他希望携带武器进入该国可能并不是向墨西哥当局介绍自己的最佳方式。
Meanwhile, my mom began worrying about how my dad was going to fare on the trip.
与此同时，我妈妈开始担心我爸爸在旅途中的表现。
He's a creature of habit with a nightly ritual that he follows religiously.
他是一个习惯性的人，每晚都会虔诚地遵守仪式。
He comes in the kitchen, he has one shot of gin and he has a beer.
他走进厨房，喝了一杯杜松子酒，喝了一杯啤酒。
And he's got his little hor d'oeurve there.
他还有他的小开胃菜。
He has certain things: radishes, carrots, onions, cheese.
他有一些东西：萝卜、胡萝卜、洋葱、奶酪。
He's now into Gruyere.
他现在喜欢格鲁耶尔奶酪。
He likes the Gruyere.
他喜欢格鲁耶尔干酪。
Then he sits down and has his meal.
然后他坐下来吃饭。
And then he has to go right to bed.
然后他必须立即上床睡觉。
That's it.
就是这样。
And so there's no visiting.
所以没有参观。
You don't do any-- I mean, he's got this thing.
你什么也不做——我的意思是，他有这个东西。
He does it.
他做到了。
Every night, same thing.
每天晚上，都是同样的事情。
And he's so routinized it drives you crazy.
而且他是如此的例行公事，让你发疯。
Yeah, well not a movie.
是的，好吧不是电影。
He never watches a movie.
他从不看电影。
He's got six to eight pieces.
他有六到八块。
He watches pieces of this, that, and the other.
他观察这个、那个和其他的片段。
He's either looking for something and it a car that he saw, or there's a diner.
他要么在寻找什么东西，而他看到的是一辆汽车，要么那里有一家餐馆。
Or there's a particular scene that reminds him of something.
或者有一个特定的场景让他想起某件事。
Or I don't know, he's just got his little-- yeah, all that stuff.
或者我不知道，他只是得到了他的小——是的，所有这些东西。
For a week my dad vacillated on his decision to go.
整整一个星期，我父亲对于是否离开的决定犹豫不决。
Finally, he told mom he'd decided to stay home, blaming his change of heart on back pain.
最后，他告诉妈妈他决定留在家里，并将自己的改变归咎于背痛。
Mom was secretly relieved.
妈妈心里暗暗松了口气。
The night before she left, as Dad offered last minute instructions on how to jam the hotel door shut with a chair, she wrote out her flight details and gave Dad a list of household chores.
在她离开的前一天晚上，当爸爸在最后一刻指导如何用椅子把酒店门关上时，她写下了她的航班详细信息，并给了爸爸一份家务清单。
The next morning, she was gone.
第二天早上，她就不见了。
Four days later, I dropped in to see how Dad's getting along.
四天后，我顺便去看望爸爸过得怎么样。
When I show up, the front door is locked.
当我出现时，前门已锁上。
Something that never happens when Mom's around.
当妈妈在身边的时候，这是永远不会发生的事情。
I have to knock loudly twice.
我必须大声敲两下。
When he finally opens the door, Dad is unshaven.
当他终于打开门时，爸爸胡子没刮。
His white hair uncombed.
他的白发没有梳理。
All the windows are closed and the curtains shut.
所有的窗户都关着，窗帘也拉上。
Last night's video, Cast Away , sits on the TV set.
昨晚的视频《Cast Away》正在电视机上播放。
I tell Dad he looks like he's the one who's stranded on a desert island.
我告诉爸爸他看起来像是被困在荒岛上的人。
He pretends to find the joke funny, but he can't muster a smile.
他假装觉得这个笑话很好笑，但他笑不出来。
OK, so we go 011.
好的，那我们就去011吧。
Veronica Chater I suggest we call mom to check up on her.
维罗妮卡·查特（Veronica Chater） 我建议我们打电话给妈妈看看她的情况。
Well, we're just out.
嗯，我们刚刚出去。
We cannot believe the humidity here, the heat.
我们不敢相信这里的湿度和热量。
We've just had to stay in the hotel almost the whole time.
我们几乎一直都呆在酒店里。
It's dirty out there.
外面很脏。
Just dirty.
只是脏了。
You had to stay in the hotel?
你必须住在酒店吗？
Veronica's Mom Yeah, we've just had to stay in here because we can't stand the heat.
维罗妮卡的妈妈 是的，我们不得不呆在这里，因为我们无法忍受炎热。
Oh my gosh.
天哪。
Well, that makes me feel better.
嗯，这让我感觉好多了。
It makes you feel better?
这让你感觉好点了吗？
Lyle Yeah.
莱尔 是的。
I'm almost to the point of being in a full depression here with you being away.
你不在的时候我几乎要陷入彻底的沮丧之中了。
Mom knows just the words that will get Dad's attention: heat, dirt, thieves, danger all around.
妈妈只知道哪些词会引起爸爸的注意：炎热、肮脏、小偷、危险无处不在。
Well, we walked by some people and Noreen and I, we were just hanging on to our purses.
好吧，我们走过一些人，诺琳和我，我们只是紧抓着我们的钱包。
We thought oh my gosh, Lyle was right.
我们想天哪，莱尔是对的。
He should have come.
他应该来的。
For Pete's sake we're like, what are we in here?
看在皮特的份上，我们想，我们在这里是什么？
This is ridiculous.
这太荒谬了。
I don't know, but anyways.
我不知道，但无论如何。
How can you shop?
你如何购物？
You can't even breathe out there.
你甚至无法在那里呼吸。
Dad leans back in his chair.
爸爸靠在椅子上。
He's beaming.
他笑容满面。
He looks genuinely pleased that he was right about everything.
他看起来真的很高兴自己所做的一切都是对的。
That mom is stuck in her hotel room, having no fun at all.
那位妈妈被困在酒店房间里，一点乐趣也没有。
Finally, when she knows Dad is all worked up, she drops the bomb.
最后，当她知道爸爸很生气时，她扔下了炸弹。
OK, now you want the real scoop now?
好吧，现在你想要真正的独家新闻吗？
You ready?
你准备好了吗？
Yes.
是的。
Veronica's Mom OK, it's fabulous.
维罗妮卡的妈妈好吧，太棒了。
Absolutely fabulous.
绝对棒极了。
Now I'm getting depressed again.
现在我又抑郁了。
I'm sorry, but I'm going to tell the truth here.
对不起，但我要在这里说实话。
Oh my gosh.
天哪。
In fact, we weren't here because we were laying by the pool.
事实上，我们并不在这里，因为我们躺在泳池边。
The trip was just as they'd imagined it would be.
这次旅行正如他们想象的那样。
No, better.
不，更好。
The people were the friendliest she'd ever met.
这里的人是她见过的最友善的人。
She and Noreen were buying tacos from street vendors, bartering with the local merchants, and attending mass in a Mexican church.
她和诺琳从街头小贩那里购买炸玉米饼，与当地商人进行物物交换，并参加墨西哥教堂的弥撒。
You could hear in her voice that she was having the time of her life.
从她的声音中你可以听出她正在享受一生中最美好的时光。
And this was even before we saw the pictures of the young waiter pouring tequila and grenadine down her throat at dinner one night.
甚至在我们看到一天晚上晚餐时年轻服务员将龙舌兰酒和石榴糖浆倒进喉咙的照片之前。
As Mom goes on, Dad's face slowly sinks into a frown.
妈妈继续说下去，爸爸的脸慢慢皱起。
He looks disappointed and confused.
他看上去既失望又困惑。
Not a single bad thing happened?
没有发生任何不好的事情吗？
It was all good?
一切都好吗？
He waits for Mom's effervescence to run out of fizz.
他等待着妈妈的兴奋消退。
And when it doesn't, he jumps in at the first opportunity.
如果没有，他就会一有机会就介入。
Let me interrupt.
让我打断一下。
I couldn't find the freezer key.
我找不到冰箱钥匙。
It's hanging above the washer.
它挂在洗衣机上方。
I showed you.
我给你看了。
OK, I'll look.
好的，我看看。
And I couldn't find your checkbook.
我找不到你的支票簿。
Then, when Mom asks Dad how he's doing, he gives her all the grisly details of the lousy time he's been having in her absence.
然后，当妈妈问爸爸他过得怎么样时，他向她讲述了她不在期间他所经历的糟糕时光的所有可怕细节。
Those packaged foods things you bought me are awful.
你给我买的那些包装食品太糟糕了。
You're kidding?
你在开玩笑吧？
Lyle Our best meal since you've been gone has been Jack in the Box.
莱尔：自从你走后我们吃的最好的一餐是“盒子里的杰克”。
Yeah, I cooked them.
是的，我把它们煮熟了。
Veronica's Mom Oven or the microwave?
维罗妮卡的妈妈烤箱还是微波炉？
In the microwave.
在微波炉里。
Veronica's Mom No, oven is always better for those things.
维罗妮卡的妈妈 不，烤箱总是更适合这些东西。
Well, it's too late.
好吧，已经太晚了。
Veronica's Mom Those are expensive.
维罗妮卡的妈妈那些很贵。
Those should be really good, Lyle.
这些应该非常好，莱尔。
Well, they weren't.
嗯，他们不是。
Veronica Chater When Dad hangs up the phone, he sinks further into self pity.
维罗妮卡·查特 (Veronica Chater) 爸爸挂断电话后，他更加陷入自怜之中。
All these years he'd been living under the misconception that he was the one in charge.
这些年来，他一直生活在他才是负责人的错误观念之中。
The man with the badge, worried and over-protetive, and laying down rules.
那个带着徽章的人，忧心忡忡，过度保护，制定了规则。
But in fact, she is the one who takes care of him.
但事实上，她才是照顾他的人。
Without Mom at home to look after him, Dad was defenseless.
没有妈妈在家照顾，爸爸毫无防备。
I wanted her to go and have a good time I'm just nervous.
我想让她去玩得开心，我只是有点紧张。
I'm so used to having her presence here.
我已经习惯了她的存在。
It's incredible.
太不可思议了。
It's physical.
这是身体上的。
You can't see it coming.
你看不到它的到来。
All of a sudden she's gone.
突然间她就不见了。
She's not here.
她不在这里。
There's a different aura in the house.
屋子里充满了不一样的气息。
Cold.
寒冷的。
She really is, she has a radiance about her.
确实如此，她身上散发着光芒。
And she brightens things and it's gone.
她让一切变得明亮起来，然后一切就消失了。
My mom survived the trip and my dad did too.
我妈妈在这次旅行中幸存下来，我爸爸也一样。
And he even found his way to the right location at the airport to pick up Mom.
他甚至找到了去机场的正确地点去接妈妈。
True, he did arrive more than an hour late.
确实，他确实迟到了一个多小时。
Mom let him know she wasn't too happy about that.
妈妈让他知道她对此不太高兴。
And once she got home she reprimanded him for being a hopeless housekeeper and a terrible gardener.
回到家后，她斥责他是一个无可救药的管家和一个糟糕的园丁。
But Mom could have scolded Dad all she like.
但妈妈可以随心所欲地责骂爸爸。
He was enjoying every minute of it.
他很享受其中的每一分钟。
You could see it in his face as she lined up the sliced radishes, counted out the correct number of olives, and made his salad just the way he likes it.
当她把切好的萝卜排成一排，数出正确的橄榄数量，并按照他喜欢的方式做沙拉时，你可以从他的脸上看到这一点。
[MUSIC- "SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME" BY STING]
[音乐- STING 的《有人守护着我》]
Act Three, "Are You a Man or Are You a Mouse?"
第三幕“你是人还是老鼠？”
Well, we close our show with this story of a woman taking care of her man.
好吧，我们以一个女人照顾她的男人的故事来结束我们的节目。
Who, like the other men on today's program, is not always doing so well.
和今天节目中的其他人一样，他的表现并不总是那么好。
Aimee Bender tells the story.
艾米·本德讲述了这个故事。
A warning to listeners that she mentioned sex in here.
警告听众她在这里提到了性。
My lover is experiencing reverse evolution.
我的爱人正在经历逆向进化。
I tell no one.
我没有告诉任何人。
I don't know how it happened, only that one day he was my lover and the next he was some kind of ape.
我不知道这是怎么发生的，只知道有一天他是我的情人，第二天他就变成了某种猿猴。
It's been a month and now he's a sea turtle.
一个月过去了，现在他已经是一只海龟了。
I keep him on the counter in a glass baking pan filled with salt water.
我把他放在柜台上的玻璃烤盘里，里面装满了盐水。
Ben, I say to his small, protruding head, can you understand me?
本，我对着他突出的小脑袋说，你能听懂我的话吗？
And he stares with eyes like little droplets of tar.
他的眼睛像焦油小滴一样凝视着。
And I drip tears into the pan, a sea of me.
我把眼泪滴进锅里，我的海洋。
He is shedding a million years a day.
他每天都在脱落一百万年。
I'm no scientist, but this is roughly what I've figured out.
我不是科学家，但这就是我的大致了解。
I went to the old biology teacher at the community college and asked him for an approximate timeline of our evolution.
我去找社区大学的一位老生物老师，向他询问我们进化的大致时间表。
He was irritated at first.
一开始他很生气。
He wanted money.
他想要钱。
I told him I'd be happy to pay and then he cheered up quite a bit.
我告诉他我很乐意付钱，然后他就高兴了很多。
I can hardly read his timeline.
我几乎看不懂他的时间表。
He should have typed it.
他应该已经打字了。
And it turns out to be wrong.
事实证明这是错误的。
According to him, the whole process should take about a year, but from the way things are going, I think we have less than a month left.
按照他的说法，整个过程应该需要一年左右的时间，但从目前的情况来看，我想只剩下不到一个月的时间了。
At first, people called on the phone and asked me, where was Ben?
起初，人们打电话问我，本在哪里？
Why wasn't he at work?
他为什么没上班？
Why did he miss his lunch date with those clients?
他为什么错过了与那些客户的午餐约会？
His out of print special order book on civilization had arrived at the bookstore, would he please come pick it up?
他的绝版文明特订书已经到了书店，请他过来取一下好吗？
I told them he was sick, a strange sickness, and to please stop calling.
我告诉他们他病了，一种奇怪的病，请停止打电话。
The stranger thing was, they did.
奇怪的是，他们做到了。
They stopped calling.
他们不再打电话了。
After a week, the phone was silent and Ben, the baboon, sat in a corner by the window wrapped up in drapery chattering to himself.
一周后，电话就没了，狒狒本裹着窗帘，坐在窗边的角落里自言自语。
The last day I saw him human he was sad about the world.
我最后一天见到他人类时，他对这个世界感到悲伤。
This was not unusual, he was always sad about the world.
这并不罕见，他总是对这个世界感到悲伤。
It was a large reason why I loved him.
这是我爱他的一个重要原因。
We'd sit together and be sad and think about being sad and sometimes discussed sadness.
我们坐在一起悲伤，思考悲伤，有时讨论悲伤。
On his last human day he said, Annie, don't you see?
在他为人的最后一天，他说，安妮，你明白吗？
We're all getting too smart.
我们都变得太聪明了。
Our brains are just getting bigger and bigger and the world dries up and dies when there's too much thought and not enough heart.
我们的大脑变得越来越大，当思想太多而心灵不够时，世界就会干涸和死亡。
He looked at me pointedly, blue eyes unwavering.
他目光锐利地看着我，蓝色的眼睛坚定不移。
Like us, Annie, he said.
就像我们一样，安妮，他说。
We think far too much.
我们想太多了。
On his last human day, he put his head in his hands and sighed.
在他人类的最后一天，他双手抱头叹了口气。
And I stood up and kissed the entire back of his neck.
我站起来吻了他的整个后颈。
Covered that flesh, made wishes there because I knew no woman had ever been so thorough, had ever kissed his every inch of skin.
覆盖住那块肉，在那里许愿，因为我知道没有哪个女人曾经如此彻底地亲吻过他的每一寸肌肤。
I coated him.
我给他涂了一层。
What did I wish for?
我想要什么？
I wished for good.
我祝愿一切顺利。
That's all.
就这样。
Just good.
刚刚好。
I took him in my arms and made love to have, my sad man.
我把他抱在怀里，和他做爱，我悲伤的男人。
See we're not thinking, I whispered into his ear while he kissed my neck.
看我们没有多想，当他亲吻我的脖子时，我在他耳边低语。
We're not thinking at all.
我们根本就没有思考。
And he pressed his head into my shoulder and help me tighter.
他把头靠在我的肩膀上，把我抱得更紧。
Afterward, we went outside again.
随后，我们又到了外面。
There was no moon and the night was dark.
没有月亮，夜色漆黑。
Then he told me he wanted to sleep outside for some reason.
然后他告诉我他出于某种原因想睡在外面。
And in the morning, when I woke up in bed, I looked out to the patio and there was an ape sprawled on the cement.
早上，当我在床上醒来时，我向露台望去，发现一只猿躺在水泥地上。
Great, furry arms covering his head to block out the glare of the sun.
毛茸茸的大手臂遮住了他的头，以遮挡刺眼的阳光。
Even before I saw the eyes, I knew it was him.
甚至在我看到那双眼睛之前，我就知道那是他。
And once we were face to face, he gave me his same sad look.
当我们面对面时，他也用同样悲伤的表情看着我。
I sat with him outside and smoothed the fur on the back of his hand.
我和他坐在外面，抚平他手背上的毛。
When he reached for me, I said, no, loudly and he seemed to understand and pulled back.
当他伸手找我时，我大声说，不，他似乎明白了，然后退了回来。
I have limits here.
我在这里有限制。
We sat on the lawn together and ripped up the grass.
我们一起坐在草坪上，把草撕了。
I didn't miss human Ben right away, I wanted to meet the ape too.
我并没有立即想念人类本，我也想见见猿猴。
But I didn't realize he wasn't coming back.
但我没想到他不会回来了。
Now, I come home from work and look for his regular size shape walking and worrying, and realize over and over that he's gone.
现在，我下班回家，一边担心他走路时的正常身材，一边一遍又一遍地意识到他已经走了。
I pace the halls.
我在大厅里踱步。
I chew whole packs of gum in mere minutes.
我只需几分钟就可以咀嚼整包口香糖。
I review my memories and make sure they're still intact.
我回顾了我的记忆并确保它们仍然完好无损。
Because if he's not here, then it is my job to remember.
因为如果他不在这里，那么我的工作就是记住他。
I think of the way he wrapped his arms around my back and held me so tight it made me nervous.
我想起他用双臂搂住我的背，紧紧地抱住我的样子，让我感到紧张。
And the way his breath felt in my ear-- right.
他的呼吸在我耳边的感觉——没错。
When I go to the kitchen I peer in the glass and see he's some kind of salamander now.
当我去厨房时，我凝视着玻璃，发现他现在变成了某种蝾螈。
He's small.
他还小。
Ben, I whisper, do you remember me?
本，我低声说，你还记得我吗？
Do you remember?
你是否记得？
His eyes roll up in his head and I dribble honey into the water.
他的眼睛在头上转动，我把蜂蜜滴进水里。
He used to love honey.
他曾经很喜欢蜂蜜。
He looks at it and then swims to the other end of the pan.
他看了看，然后游到了锅的另一端。
This is the limit of my limits.
这就是我的极限了。
Here it is.
这里是。
You don't ever know for sure where it is and then you bump up against it and bam, you're there.
你永远不知道它在哪里，然后你撞到它，然后砰的一声，你就在那里。
Because I cannot bear to look down into the water and not be able to find him at all.
因为我不忍心往水里看却根本找不到他。
To search the tiny clear waves with a microscope lens and to locate my lover, the one-celled wonder, brainless, benign, heading clear and small like an eye floater into nothingness.
用显微镜寻找那些微小而清澈的波浪，并找到我的爱人，这个单细胞的奇迹，无脑，善良，像一只漂浮在虚无中的眼睛一样清晰而小。
I put him in the passenger seat of the car and drive him to the beach.
我把他放在车的副驾驶座上，开车送他去海滩。
Walking down the sand I nod at people on towels, laying their bodies out to the sun and wishing.
我沿着沙滩行走，对着毛巾上的人们点点头，他们把身体放在阳光下许愿。
At the water's edge I stoop down and place the whole pan on the tip of a baby wave.
在水边，我弯下腰，将整个平底锅放在小波浪的尖端上。
Ben, the salamander, swims out.
蝾螈本游了出来。
I wave to the water with both arms, big enough for him to see if he looks back.
我向水里挥动双臂，手臂足够大，让他可以看到他是否回头。
I turn around and walked back to the car.
我转身走回车上。
Sometimes I think he'll wash up on shore, a naked man with a startled look who's been to history and back.
有时我想他会被冲上岸，一个赤裸的男人，一脸震惊，经历过历史又回来了。
I keep my eyes on the newspaper.
我的眼睛一直盯着报纸。
I make sure my phone number is listed.
我确保列出了我的电话号码。
I walk around the block at night in case he doesn't quite remember which house it is.
晚上我会在街区里走来走去，以防他不太记得那是哪栋房子。
I feed the birds outside and sometimes, before I put my one self to bed, I place my hands around my skull to see if it's growing and wonder what of any use, would fill it if it did.
我在外面喂鸟，有时，在我自己上床睡觉之前，我会把手放在我的头骨上，看看它是否在生长，并想知道如果它生长了，有什么用处，将其填满。
Aimee Bender.
艾米·本德。
Her story "The Rememberer" appears in the book The Girl in the Flammable Skirt.
她的故事“记忆者”出现在《穿易燃裙子的女孩》一书中。
[MUSIC- "SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME" BY AMERICAN DRAFT]
[音乐- AMERICAN DRAFT 的《有人守护着我》]
Well, that song performed for our show by the band American Draft.
嗯，这首歌是由 American Draft 乐队为我们的节目表演的。
You can download an MP3 of what we believe is the world's only metal cover of this Gershwin classic at our web site, www.thisamericanlife.org.
您可以在我们的网站 www.thisamericanlife.org 下载我们认为是世界上唯一的格什温经典作品金属封面的 MP3。
You can also listen to our programs for free there.
您还可以在那里免费收听我们的节目。
Our program was produced today by Lisa Pollak and myself, with Alex Blumberg, Diane Cook, Wendy Dorr, Jane Feltes and Sarah Koenig.
今天我们的节目由 Lisa Pollak 和我本人以及 Alex Blumberg、Diane Cook、Wendy Dorr、Jane Feltes 和 Sarah Koenig 制作。
Our senior producer is Julie Snyder.
我们的高级制片人是朱莉·斯奈德。
Elizabeth Meister runs our website.
伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister) 负责运营我们的网站。
Production help from Todd Bachmann and Will [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
托德·巴赫曼 (Todd Bachmann) 和威尔 (Will) 为制作提供帮助 [难以理解]。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] You know you can download audio of our program at audible.com/thisamericanlife.
[致谢] 您知道您可以在 audible.com/thisamericanlife 下载我们节目的音频。
They have public radio programs, bestselling books, even the New York Times all at audible.com.
他们在 audible.com 上有公共广播节目、畅销书，甚至《纽约时报》。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who listens to our program each week this way.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督，他每周都会以这种方式收听我们的节目。
He's naked on the bed except for one strategically placed towel.
他赤身裸体地躺在床上，只留了一条精心放置的毛巾。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of this American life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多关于美国生活的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。