243: Later That Same Day - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #243 | July 25, 2003 243: Later That Same Day Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 243 集 | 2003 年 7 月 25 日 243：同日晚些时候 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass What can 20 years do to you?
序言 艾拉·格拉斯 20 年可以给你带来什么？
Well, consider the case of George Ryan, former governor of Illinois, lifelong Republican.
好吧，想想乔治·瑞安（George Ryan）的例子，他是伊利诺伊州前州长，终身共和党。
Ryan is famous for one of the most dramatic flip-flops any big league politician has made in this country on an issue in the last few decades.
瑞安因过去几十年来这个国家在某个问题上做出的最戏剧性的转变之一而闻名。
In February 2000, Ryan, a death penalty supporter, tough on crime, declared a moratorium on the death penalty in Illinois, the first state to do that in decades.
2000年2月，死刑支持者瑞安对犯罪采取强硬态度，宣布伊利诺伊州暂停执行死刑，这是几十年来第一个这样做的州。
You may have heard about that.
您可能听说过。
And he's spoken about that decision in public a lot.
他在公开场合多次谈论过这个决定。
But we found this recording of a speech that he made at Northwestern University, one of the rare times that he's talked about his decision so personally and emotionally.
但我们找到了他在西北大学发表演讲的录音，这是他如此个人和情感地谈论他的决定的罕见次数之一。
And among other things, he told the audience how he had actually been one of the lawmakers who put in place the very law that he ended up suspending.
除其他事项外，他告诉观众，他实际上是立法者之一，制定了他最终暂停的法律。
This is back when he was a representative to the Illinois General Assembly.
这要追溯到他担任伊利诺伊州议会代表时的情况。
In 1977, I voted to reinstate the death penalty in Illinois.
1977年，我投票决定在伊利诺伊州恢复死刑。
I vividly remember an opponent of capital punishment who challenged those of us who voted to put capital punishment back on the book.
我清楚地记得一位死刑反对者，他向我们这些投票赞成将死刑重新列入书中的人发起挑战。
I was standing on the floor of the House, and I had punched my green button.
我站在众议院的地板上，按下了绿色按钮。
And somebody on the other side stood up and said, "How many of you that are voting green would be willing to throw the switch in the electric chair?" It was a sobering question and a sobering thought.
另一边有人站起来说：“你们当中有多少投绿票的人愿意把开关扔到电椅上？”这是一个发人深省的问题，也是一个发人深省的想法。
I don't want to execute anybody, and I don't want to be the executioner.
我不想处决任何人，我也不想成为刽子手。
I didn't want to have anything to do with that.
我不想与此有任何关系。
But he believed in the system, believed it was fair, and he voted for the death penalty.
但他相信这个制度，相信它是公平的，所以他投票支持死刑。
20 years passed, more than 20 years.
20年过去了，20多年了。
Ryan becomes governor.
瑞安成为州长。
And around the same time, it was becoming clear that there were problems in the way that Illinois was sending men to death row.
大约在同一时间，人们越来越清楚地看到，伊利诺伊州将男子送入死囚牢房的方式存在问题。
One case after another was being overturned.
一个又一个案件被推翻。
And then, the hypothetical question that that legislator had asked back in the 1970s became a very real question for George Ryan.
然后，这位立法者在 20 世纪 70 年代提出的假设问题对乔治·瑞安来说变成了一个非常现实的问题。
He was the one who had to decide whether the switch would be thrown in the case of a man named Andrew Korkoraleis.
他是负责决定是否对一位名叫安德鲁·科科拉雷斯 (Andrew Korkoraleis) 的男子进行转换的人。
I began a very extensive review in the case file.
我开始对案件卷宗进行非常广泛的审查。
I wanted to make sure that there were no mistakes.
我想确保没有错误。
I called in my trusted friends, both prosecutors and defense lawyers, to have them review the case files.
我打电话给我信任的朋友，包括检察官和辩护律师，让他们审查案件卷宗。
I talked to investigators, and I talked to everybody that I could that had some knowledge about the law.
我与调查人员交谈，并与所有可能了解法律的人交谈。
And I agonized, frankly.
坦白说，我很痛苦。
I'm a pharmacist who had the good fortune to be elected governor of this great state.
我是一名药剂师，有幸当选为这个伟大州的州长。
Now, suddenly, I shouldered the burden of making the decisions about life or death.
现在，突然间，我肩负起了做出生死抉择的重担。
Tuesday, March 17th, the day before the execution, Ryan still did not know what to do.
3月17日星期二，即行刑前一天，瑞安仍然不知道该怎么办。
At one point, he had his aides type up a stay of execution.
有一次，他让助手们起草了一份暂缓执行死刑的文件。
At another, he asked for the prayers of Illinois residents.
另一次，他请求伊利诺伊州居民祈祷。
By 7:00 PM, he declared that he was convinced that Korkoraleis was guilty.
到晚上 7:00，他宣布他确信科科拉雷斯有罪。
Six hours later, Korkoraleis was dead.
六个小时后，科科拉莱斯死了。
And what comes through in this particular speech is Ryan's anger at having to be the one to decide after so many people along the way had done such a careless job at figuring out guilt in this and other cases.
在这篇特别的演讲中，我们看到了瑞安的愤怒，因为在这么多人在这起案件和其他案件中做出了如此粗心的工作后，瑞安必须成为做出决定的人。
Within a year, he had declared his moratorium.
一年之内，他宣布暂停。
Get this one.
得到这个。
This ought to open everybody's eyes.
这应该让大家大开眼界。
Nearly half of the 300 capital cases in Illinois have been reversed for a new trial or a re-sentencing.
伊利诺伊州 300 起死刑案件中，近一半已被撤销，重新审理或重新量刑。
Can you believe that?
你能相信吗？
Almost half out of 300 cases have been rescheduled for re-sentencing or a new trial.
300 起案件中近一半已重新安排重新量刑或重新审判。
It's like flipping a coin, heads or tails, live or die.
就像抛硬币一样，正面或反面，生或死。
That's what it's like.
就是这样。
Can you believe that?
你能相信吗？
I've faced my share of criticism over the past three years, and especially from people in my own party, about the moratorium and the clemency hearings.
在过去的三年里，我也面临着关于暂停和宽大听证会的批评，尤其是来自我自己党内人士的批评。
But until you've sat in judgment and made that life or death decision, you really can't debate with me about what it's like to pull the switch.
但在你做出判断并做出生死攸关的决定之前，你真的不能与我争论拉动开关的感觉。
I know the burden, and I know what it feels like to be responsible for a man to be executed.
我知道这种负担，也知道为一个被处决的人负责是什么感觉。
It's not pleasant.
这并不令人愉快。
Time passes.
时间流逝。
People change.
人们会改变。
Sometimes they change a lot.
有时他们会改变很多。
Today on our program, we bring you three stories about what the passage of time can do to somebody.
今天在我们的节目中，我们为您带来三个故事，讲述时间的流逝对某人的影响。
When each story begins, the world is aligned one way.
当每个故事开始时，世界都会以一种方式排列。
Then, years pass.
然后，岁月流逝。
Sometimes just months pass, and everything is different.
有时几个月过去了，一切都不同了。
It gives you hope in a way.
它在某种程度上给你希望。
It's This American Life distributed by Public Radio International.
《这就是美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Act One of our show today, The Hiker And The Cowman Should Be Friends, Scott Carrier tells the story of how the environmentalists, who ranchers hated the most, who they tried to run out of town on a rail, who they actually hung in effigy, came to take the ranchers' side of things.
我们今天节目的第一幕《徒步旅行者和牛人应该是朋友》，斯科特·卡里尔讲述了牧场主最讨厌的环保主义者，他们试图用铁轨跑出城镇，实际上他们把他们挂在肖像上的环保主义者是如何站在牧场主一边的故事。
Act Two, Scrapbook, The Verb, a Houston woman is trying to document every day of her four-year-old daughter's life in preparation for a day faraway.
第二幕，剪贴簿，动词，一位休斯顿妇女试图记录她四岁女儿生活的每一天，为一天的远行做准备。
Act Three, Slingshot, John Hodgman tells the story of two people, one beach, one space ride, and what a difference one year makes.
第三幕《弹弓》约翰·霍奇曼讲述了两个人、一个海滩、一次太空之旅以及一年所带来的巨大变化的故事。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, The Hiker And The Cowman Should Be Friends.
第一幕，徒步旅行者和牛郎应该是朋友。
Scott Carrier tells this story from southern Utah of a man named Grant Johnson who goes through a huge change over time.
斯科特·卡里尔（Scott Carrier）讲述了犹他州南部一个名叫格兰特·约翰逊（Grant Johnson）的人的故事，他随着时间的推移经历了巨大的变化。
The first time I interviewed Grant Johnson he'd just gotten out of jail.
我第一次采访格兰特·约翰逊时，他刚刚出狱。
He'd been in for eight days, charged with sabotaging four Caterpillar tractors down on the Bird Trail.
他已经入狱八天，被指控在鸟道上破坏四台卡特彼勒拖拉机。
The Bird Trail was an old dirt road, 60 miles long, connecting Picaboo and Boulder, Utah.
鸟道是一条古老的土路，长 60 英里，连接皮卡布和犹他州博尔德。
It was the middle of nowhere, used mainly by ranchers to graze their cattle on the public lands.
这是一个偏僻的地方，主要供牧场主在公共土地上放牧牲畜。
The ranchers and the county government wanted to improve the road, turn it into a highway, but a local environmental group was protesting the whole notion.
牧场主和县政府希望改善道路，将其变成高速公路，但当地环保组织对整个想法提出抗议。
They thought the land should be designated as a wilderness and left alone.
他们认为这片土地应该被指定为荒野并不受其影响。
Then, one morning, some of the road workers discovered that someone had poured sand in the gas tanks.
然后，一天早上，一些道路工人发现有人在油箱里倒了沙子。
And the sheriff arrested Grant Johnson because he was one of the three founding members of the environmental group, which was called SUWA, the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance.
治安官逮捕了格兰特·约翰逊，因为他是环保组织 SUWA（犹他州南部荒野联盟）的三位创始成员之一。
And he lived only a few miles from the scene of the crime.
他住的地方距离犯罪现场只有几英里。
And he'd been such a thorn in their sides, protesting road construction and timber sales, that he'd already been hung in effigy from a lamppost on Main Street in Escalante.
他一直是他们的眼中钉，抗议道路建设和木材销售，以至于他的肖像已经被悬挂在埃斯卡兰特大街的灯柱上。
When Grant posted bail, the sheriff told him that he couldn't guarantee Grant's safety if he went home.
当格兰特申请保释时，治安官告诉他，如果格兰特回家，他就无法保证格兰特的安全。
So I drove down there to talk to Grant, 250 miles south from Salt Lake to Boulder, then 7 miles east down the bird trail to Deer Creek where I parked and followed the stream until I saw Grant's 16-foot camper trailer.
于是我开车去那里与格兰特交谈，从盐湖城向南行驶 250 英里到达博尔德，然后沿着鸟道向东行驶 7 英里到达鹿溪，在那里我停车并沿着溪流行驶，直到看到格兰特的 16 英尺露营拖车。
He was living there with his girlfriend, Sue Fearon.
他和他的女朋友苏·费伦住在那里。
Inside was a bed, a little table that folded down, and a gas stove, but no running water, no bathroom, no electricity, no phone.
里面有一张床、一张折叠起来的小桌子和一个煤气灶，但没有自来水，没有浴室，没有电，没有电话。
Outside, it was a wilderness, a place of natural forces: red Navajo Sandstone from the Jurassic, dark blue sky, and just real quiet.
外面是一片荒野，一个充满自然力量的地方：来自侏罗纪的红色纳瓦霍砂岩，深蓝色的天空，以及真正的安静。
Well, my name is Grant Johnson.
嗯，我的名字是格兰特·约翰逊。
I live at Deer Creek Ranch.
我住在鹿溪牧场。
I've been in the area of southern Utah, mainly around the Bird Trail, since '75.
自 75 年以来，我一直在犹他州南部地区，主要是在 Bird Trail 周围。
I've lived on either end of the Bird Trail or on it.
我住在鸟径的两端或上面。
And I first came here when I was 16, and it was just incredibly beautiful.
我第一次来到这里是在我 16 岁的时候，那里非常美丽。
That's the number one thing about this country is it's just so beautiful you drop your jaw, you know?
这个国家的第一件事就是它是如此美丽，让你惊掉下巴，你知道吗？
There's nothing like it anywhere.
任何地方都没有类似的事情。
From here, I could get on a horse and ride for 80 miles before I'd hit Lake Powell and not see anyone or any sign of man.
从这里开始，我可以骑马行驶 80 英里，然后到达鲍威尔湖，并且看不到任何人或任何人影。
There's just one road here to cross, and then there wouldn't be another road.
这里只有一条路可以穿越，然后就不会再有另一条路了。
So you feel like you're seeing a lot of it for the first time, the first white man, you know?
所以你感觉很多事情都是第一次看到，第一个白人，你知道吗？
You have the feeling of the first white man a lot.
你很有第一个白人的感觉。
And it's a real sense of freedom too.
这也是一种真正的自由感。
There's no people, no law.
没有人，没有法律。
It just feels real free, wide open.
它给人的感觉是真正的自由、开放。
I never asked Grant if he sabotaged the equipment, I think mainly because I didn't want to see him lie.
我从来没有问过格兰特是否破坏了设备，我想主要是因为我不想看到他撒谎。
It was like a little war back then, a turf battle between the cowboys and the environmentalists, Heavenly Father versus Mother Earth.
这就像当时的一场小战争，一场牛仔与环保主义者之间的地盘争夺战，天父与地球母亲之间的争夺。
Both sides considered the land to be sacred.
双方都认为这片土地是神圣的。
So maybe it was more like a holy war, a clash of cultures.
所以也许这更像是一场圣战，一场文化冲突。
This is Boulder cattleman Dell LeFevre, also back in '87, a man who works from sunup to sundown, who wouldn't even stop his chores during the interview.
这是博尔德的牧牛人 Dell LeFevre，同样是在 87 年，他日出而作，日落而息，在采访期间甚至没有停下自己的家务活。
Yeah, we're the steward of the land.
是的，我们是这片土地的管理者。
The Lord give us this land to take of it.
主赐给我们这片土地，让我们去占领它。
And I think if we don't take care of this land, we're going to answer in the hereafter.
我想，如果我们不爱护这片土地，我们将在来世做出回应。
And the do-gooders, as I call them-- some call them the tree-huggers-- the do-gooders come along and, really, what purpose do they have?
行善者，正如我所说的——有些人称他们为环保人士——行善者出现了，实际上，他们有什么目的？
What stake have they got in this ground?
他们在这片土地上有什么权益？
They've got a job in Salt Lake, a job in Denver, a job in Flagstaff.
他们在盐湖城找到了一份工作，在丹佛找到了一份工作，在弗拉格斯塔夫找到了一份工作。
My thing is I don't think the ranchers has hurt this land in the last 88, 90 years they've been here.
我的观点是，我不认为牧场主在过去的 88、90 年里伤害了这片土地。
I mean, let's say we turn this all over to the environmentalists, you know?
我的意思是，假设我们把这一切都交给环保主义者，你知道吗？
Shut her down.
把她关起来。
They want this road shut down, let's just shut the road down.
他们想要关闭这条路，我们就关闭这条路吧。
Let's just let it go back to natural.
就让它回归自然吧。
How many people would see this?
有多少人会看到这个？
How many people'd enjoy it?
有多少人会喜欢呢？
They backpack on the trails that we've carved out.
他们在我们开辟的小路上背包旅行。
They backpack on our cow trails, the hikers, you know?
他们在我们的牛道上背包，徒步旅行者，你知道吗？
If we didn't have them trails there, they wouldn't even get there.
如果我们没有在那里给他们留下踪迹，他们根本就不会到达那里。
And my question, I guess, to everybody, what would Boulder be without a ranch?
我想，我想问每个人，如果没有牧场，博尔德会怎样？
Do you think Boulder'd be Boulder without boulders?
您认为没有巨石的博尔德还会是博尔德吗？
They're losing who really take care of the land.
他们正在失去真正照顾这片土地的人。
They don't take care of the land.
他们不关心土地。
All they want to do is come out and smoke their pot, do their little hiking around, and go home.
他们想做的就是出来抽大麻，四处徒步旅行，然后回家。
The holy war was about a number of things: road construction, timber sales, energy development, mining rights.
圣战涉及很多事情：道路建设、木材销售、能源开发、采矿权。
But part of the holy war was simply about cows, cows grazing on the public land.
但圣战的一部分只是关于牛，牛在公共土地上吃草。
There's a lot of public land in southern Utah, about 90% of it.
犹他州南部有大量公共土地，约占其中的 90%。
And even though it's mostly sand, and sandstone, and sagebrush, there's still enough grass and other plants along the river banks and up in the mountains for cows to feed.
尽管主要是沙子、砂岩和山艾树，但河岸和山上仍然有足够的草和其他植物供奶牛喂养。
And when the Mormon pioneers first settled the land, that's how they survived, by running their cattle over huge areas.
当摩门教先驱们第一次定居这片土地时，他们就是这样生存的，他们在大片土地上放牧牲畜。
The problem was that the ranchers sometimes put too many cows out there.
问题是牧场主有时会放太多的奶牛。
And then they sometimes left the cows alone for long periods of time, and the cows overgrazed causing some serious erosion and environmental destruction.
然后他们有时会让奶牛长时间独处，奶牛过度放牧，造成严重的侵蚀和环境破坏。
So the environmentalists wanted the cows out of there.
所以环保主义者希望奶牛离开那里。
They were destructive, and they were not native to the desert.
它们具有破坏性，而且并非沙漠原生动物。
And they also left cow pies everywhere they went, cow dung, not the tidy, little berries left by deer, but big, sloppy glops of poop on the trails and in the rivers.
他们还在所到之处留下了牛馅饼、牛粪，不是鹿留下的整洁的小浆果，而是小径和河流中大而稀的粪便。
And a lot of backpackers felt this detracted from their wilderness experience.
许多背包客觉得这有损他们的荒野体验。
So for the environmentalists, the cow pies became a symbol of everything wrong with the management of the public land.
因此，对于环保主义者来说，牛馅饼成为公共土地管理中一切错误的象征。
But for the ranchers, Grant Johnson was the symbol of everything wrong with the environmentalists.
但对于牧场主来说，格兰特·约翰逊是环保主义者一切错误的象征。
I didn't really realize it.
我并没有真正意识到这一点。
Maybe I'm kind of thick-skinned, but I didn't really realize how clear the divisions were in town, environmentalists or hippie.
也许我脸皮有点厚，但我并没有真正意识到镇上的分歧是多么明显，环保主义者还是嬉皮士。
I didn't realize a lot of things.
很多事情我都没有意识到。
I didn't realize how under people's skin Grant had gotten.
我没有意识到格兰特已经变得多么令人愤怒。
There were people that just absolutely hated him.
有些人绝对讨厌他。
I mean, he was in their midst, and he didn't appear to be leaving.
我的意思是，他就在他们中间，而且看上去并没有要离开的意思。
That's Sue Fearon, Grant's girlfriend.
那是苏·费伦，格兰特的女朋友。
They're married now, but back then, she was still pretty much a young woman from the coast of Connecticut.
他们现在已经结婚了，但当时，她还只是一个来自康涅狄格州海岸的年轻女子。
She met Grant after she got out of college when she had a summer job as a ranger in Zion National Park.
大学毕业后，她在锡安国家公园做护林员，暑期工作时认识了格兰特。
Grant told Sue about the land he owned on Deer Creek, and that he had some horses, and was going to get some more, and start an outfitting company taking tourists down into the canyon country to these beautiful places he'd discovered.
格兰特告诉苏他在鹿溪拥有的土地，他有一些马，并且打算再买一些，并开办一家装备公司，带领游客进入峡谷国家，来到他发现的这些美丽的地方。
Sue thought Grant was a man with a plan.
苏认为格兰特是一个有计划的人。
And she went with him to Deer Creek one night under a full moon and, basically, never left.
有一天晚上，她在满月下和他一起去了鹿溪，基本上就没有离开过。
That was before Grant got arrested.
那是在格兰特被捕之前。
She didn't really realize she was walking into a war zone.
她并没有真正意识到自己正在走进一个战区。
Nine felonies and four misdemeanors, and he was thrown in jail.
九项重罪和四项轻罪，他被关进了监狱。
And they set his bail at $250,000, which was-- I mean, there was a guy in there who had shot somebody through the head, and his bail was $50,000.
他们把他的保释金定为 25 万美元，我的意思是，里面有一个人开枪射穿了某人的头部，他的保释金是 5 万美元。
But, at any rate, nonetheless, we raised $260,000 in property.
但无论如何，我们还是筹集了 26 万美元的财产。
It was pretty interesting.
这很有趣。
The county attorney tried to make it a condition of bail that he'd not return to his home until the whole matter was settled, which is absolutely unheard of.
县检察官试图将他的保释条件定为：在整个事件得到解决之前，他不得返回家中，这绝对是闻所未闻的。
He represented the environmental community.
他代表了环保界。
And I think there were forces here, elected officials, who thought if he went away, if we could uproot him and get him out of Deer Creek, we would be done with this.
我认为这里有一些力量，民选官员，他们认为如果他离开，如果我们能把他连根拔起并让他离开鹿溪，我们就结束了。
Fortunately, we are absolutely blessed by having two very good friends who are lawyers.
幸运的是，我们非常幸运有两个非常好的律师朋友。
We don't have a lot of money.
我们没有很多钱。
And if he had had to go with the public defender, he would have been traded over breakfast at the Flying J in Panguitch.
如果他不得不和公设辩护人一起去，他就会在潘圭奇的 Flying J 吃早餐时被交易。
They would have cut a deal, and that would be that.
他们本来会达成协议，仅此而已。
For two years, everyone held their breath.
两年来，所有人都屏住了呼吸。
That's how long it took for Grant to go to trial.
这就是格兰特接受审判所用的时间。
And then, it turned into kind of a farce.
然后，它变成了一场闹剧。
The county just didn't have any evidence, and they dropped the charges.
县里没有任何证据，所以他们撤销了指控。
Somebody, a friend of ours, took us aside and said, "You guys should go away for a while.
有人，我们的朋友，把我们拉到一边说：“你们应该离开一会儿。
Things are really hot.
事情真的很热。
They're talking it up in Escalante.
他们正在埃斯卡兰特谈论这件事。
They want to come and route you out." And I said, "You know, we'll lock the gate, but we're not going anywhere."
他们想过来把你赶出去。”我说：“你知道，我们会锁上大门，但我们不会去任何地方。”
And the first thing we did was we went to Salt Lake City, and we went to my favorite gun store.
我们做的第一件事就是去了盐湖城，然后去了我最喜欢的枪店。
And I pointed out all the guns that I needed to buy and all the little clips that I needed to go with them.
我指出了我需要购买的所有枪支以及我需要搭配它们的所有小夹子。
And I came back with, I guess maybe, defensive weapons.
我想我可能带着防御武器回来了。
What did you buy?
你买了什么？
Sue Fearon A Mini-14 with a 40-round clip.
Sue Fearon 带有 40 发弹夹的 Mini-14。
It's a semi-automatic and--
这是一个半自动的而且——
Pistol or a rifle?
手枪还是步枪？
Sue Fearon That's a rifle.
苏·费伦 那是一支步枪。
And then a 38.
然后是38。
Grant and Sue pretty much kept to themselves, staying out on Deer Creek, working on their land, raising horses, and getting ready to start their outfitting company.
格兰特和苏几乎独来独往，住在鹿溪，在自己的土地上工作，养马，并准备创办他们的装备公司。
It must have been tough living alone in the middle of nowhere, no power, no phone, on the edge of a community of 100 people, some of whom hated their guts.
独自生活在一个偏僻的地方一定很艰难，没有电，没有电话，在一个有 100 人的社区边缘，其中一些人讨厌自己的胆量。
One day, Sue went to pick up Grant's kids from his first marriage.
有一天，苏去接格兰特第一次婚姻中的孩子。
So anyhow, as I was approaching Escalante, a fellow who worked for the county in a county dump truck was coming towards me, and he ran me off the road while flipping me off.
不管怎样，当我接近埃斯卡兰特时，一个在县里工作的人开着一辆县自卸卡车向我驶来，他把我从路上撞了下去，同时把我撞倒了。
What a talent, huh?
多么有才华啊？
One hand running me off the road, and I ended up in the ditch.
一只手把我从路上赶了出来，最后我掉进了沟里。
But at any rate, this is, you know--
但无论如何，这是，你知道的——
So anyhow, I go to Cedar City, or Paragonah, and I pick up the kids, and I come back.
所以无论如何，我会去雪松城或帕拉戈纳，接孩子们，然后回来。
And when I got back-- now we've got kids around, so we don't want to leave the gun loaded-- I dropped the bullets out of it.
当我回来时——现在我们周围有孩子，所以我们不想让枪上膛——我把子弹从里面掉了出来。
It's a revolver, and I dropped the bullets out on the dash and left the gun there.
这是一把左轮手枪，我把子弹扔在仪表板上，然后把枪留在那里。
Well, the next morning, Grant and I are sitting and we're having coffee.
好吧，第二天早上，格兰特和我坐下来喝咖啡。
And the gate's locked down at the bottom of the ranch.
牧场底部的大门是锁着的。
And we look out the window, and here come two or three guys riding on horseback with long things laid across their legs in front of their saddle.
我们向窗外望去，看到两三个人骑在马背上，马鞍前的腿上搁着长长的东西。
And I thought holy mother of God, we're going to be killed, and we haven't even had coffee.
我想天哪，我们会被杀，而我们甚至没有喝咖啡。
So I go flying out of the house, ripped the door open, and started stuffing bullets.
于是我飞出了房子，打开门，开始装子弹。
And I get three in there, and think, good enough, and slam it shut, and turn around.
我把三个放进去，想，足够好了，然后关上门，然后转身。
And the guy's right behind me, and he's grinning from ear to ear.
那个人就在我身后，他笑得合不拢嘴。
And he sees that I have flown out of the house and have grabbed a gun.
他看到我飞出了房子并抓起了一把枪。
And I've got a gun right in my hands.
我手里拿着枪。
It's not pointing at him.
这不是指着他。
It's pointing down on the ground.
它指向地面。
And he's smiling at me.
他正在对我微笑。
And I think, well, something's not right.
我想，嗯，有些事情不对劲。
And he goes, "Hi, ma'am.
他说：“嗨，女士。
We're with the cougar study.
我们正在进行美洲狮研究。
We'd just like permission to come through." And my knees were knocking together under my bathrobe.
我们只是希望获得许可。”我的膝盖在浴袍下碰撞在一起。
And Grant comes flying out with his 22.
格兰特带着他的 22 号飞走了。
And I say, "Oh honey, they're here for the cougar study."
我说：“哦，亲爱的，他们来这里是为了美洲狮研究。”
Again, this all happened in the 1980's.
再说一次，这一切都发生在 20 世纪 80 年代。
When Grant was arrested, Reagan was in the White House.
格兰特被捕时，里根正在白宫。
Then Bush came and went.
然后布什来了又走了。
When Clinton was elected, the environmental movement gained a lot of momentum.
克林顿当选后，环保运动获得了很大的动力。
By 1995, Sue had helped write a proposal to Congress to designate 5.7 million acres of southern Utah as wilderness areas.
到 1995 年，苏帮助向国会撰写了一份提案，将犹他州南部 570 万英亩的土地指定为荒野地区。
So I went back to Deer Creek to interview Grant again, but I was stunned at the man who'd been the living embodiment of the environmental movement, a man who'd risked everything for it, was now talking just like the cowboys.
于是我回到鹿溪再次采访格兰特，但令我震惊的是，这个曾经是环保运动活生生的化身的人，一个为此冒着一切风险的人，现在却像牛仔一样说话。
Personally, I think the worst threat we have is the threat of a national park happening over here.
就我个人而言，我认为我们面临的最大威胁是这里发生国家公园的威胁。
The national park trend is to develop, build roads, hire as many police as they can, which are rangers, and then bust people for breaking the rules.
国家公园的趋势是开发、修建道路、雇用尽可能多的警察（即护林员），然后抓捕违反规则的人。
That was Grant.
那是格兰特。
Sue felt pretty much the same way.
苏也有同样的感觉。
She'd had enough of the environmentalists.
她已经受够了环保主义者。
They're shrill.
他们很尖锐。
They're shrill.
他们很尖锐。
They're insensitive, and they're shrill.
他们麻木不仁，而且声音尖刻。
And they have no empathy.
而且他们没有同理心。
And they have, I think, perhaps, a limited understanding of what's going on down here.
我认为，他们对这里发生的事情的了解也许有限。
In the years that had passed, SUWA has evolved from a grassroots organization of three guys around a kitchen table into an established, urban corporation with lawyers and lobbyists in Washington and a long list of donating members from all over the country and even Europe.
在过去的几年里，SUWA 已经从三个人围坐在餐桌旁的草根组织发展成为一家成熟的城市公司，在华盛顿拥有律师和游说者，还有来自全国各地甚至欧洲的一长串捐赠成员。
SUWA had also kicked Grant off its board of directors because they no longer saw eye to eye.
SUWA 还把格兰特踢出了董事会，因为他们的意见不再一致。
Grant had switched sides right in the middle of a heated political battle, something that almost never happens.
格兰特在一场激烈的政治斗争中改变了立场，这几乎从未发生过。
And he'd done in the rarest of ways, by looking at the evidence and then concluding he'd been dead wrong.
他用了最罕见的方式做到了这一点：查看证据，然后得出结论，他完全错了。
It had been a war about cows, and he decided cows weren't that bad.
这是一场关于奶牛的战争，他认为奶牛并没有那么糟糕。
When you first came here, you didn't like cows?
你刚来的时候不喜欢牛吗？
No, I hated cows.
不，我讨厌牛。
I still don't like cows.
我还是不喜欢牛。
It's just I have honestly seen that cows do not hurt the land here.
只是我老老实实地看到，牛并没有伤害这里的土地。
In 22 years of exploring this country, I've seen where the cows are, where they aren't, where they used to be and aren't anymore, where they didn't used to be and are now.
在探索这个国家 22 年的时间里，我看到了奶牛在哪里，不在哪里，曾经在哪里，现在不在哪里，曾经不在哪里，现在又在哪里。
And the places that the cows do get don't look much different than the places that they can't get.
奶牛到达的地方与它们到达不到的地方看起来并没有太大区别。
And I'm not saying this is true for Great Basin, or Arizona, or Idaho, or anywhere else.
我并不是说大盆地、亚利桑那州、爱达荷州或其他任何地方都是如此。
But here, in the Escalante, in these canyons, I think the grazing doesn't hurt anything.
但在这里，在埃斯卡兰特，在这些峡谷里，我认为放牧不会伤害任何东西。
A canyon bottom, like the gulch, they trail cows through there.
峡谷底部，就像峡谷一样，他们拖着牛穿过那里。
And I've seen people, campers, in there.
我在那里看到了人们，露营者。
And they see these cows go through, and pound up the ground, and crap everywhere.
他们看到这些牛穿过去，敲打地面，拉得到处都是。
And then the campers scream about the cows, say how horrible they are.
然后营员们对奶牛大喊大叫，说它们有多可怕。
The campers go back to the city.
营员们返回城市。
And a month later, I go back down to the same canyon, and you can't tell there was ever a cow in it.
一个月后，我回到同一个峡谷，你看不出那里曾经有一头牛。
It's grown up with grass and clover.
它是和青草和三叶草一起长大的。
And down on the river bottom, there was a place where the gulch hit the river where you couldn't walk through there because the guy hadn't put cows in there in so many years.
在河底，有一个地方是峡谷撞到河里的，你无法从那里走过，因为那家伙已经很多年没有把牛放在那里了。
Well, he finally started putting his cows down there, and now it's much grassier.
好吧，他终于开始把牛放在那里了，现在草多了。
You can hike through it, and, in my opinion, it's a lot more pleasant.
你可以徒步穿过它，在我看来，这要愉快得多。
And so I'm not really sure that what's being blamed on cows is really their fault.
所以我不太确定把责任归咎于奶牛是否真的是它们的错。
In Grant's mind, he was still an environmentalist because he continued to be deeply in love with the wilderness around him.
在格兰特心目中，他仍然是一名环保主义者，因为他仍然深深地热爱着周围的荒野。
In fact, he remained a member of SUWA and sent them checks because he thought they were a necessary force in defending and promoting wilderness areas.
事实上，他仍然是 SUWA 的成员，并向他们寄去了支票，因为他认为他们是保卫和促进荒野地区的必要力量。
But he'd become like a devout Christian who no longer went to church because he just couldn't get along with the other members.
但他变得像一个虔诚的基督徒，不再去教堂，因为他无法与其他成员相处。
When I asked Sue about it, how the change came about, she told me it started when she made friends with an old rancher in Boulder, Kirk Lyman.
当我向苏询问这种变化是如何发生时，她告诉我，这种变化是从她与博尔德的一位老牧场主柯克·莱曼（Kirk Lyman）交上朋友开始的。
Kirk was probably almost 40 years my senior, about my dad's age.
柯克大概比我大 40 岁，和我父亲的年龄差不多。
And one day, I was at the Bird Trail Grill and he said he was getting all these magazines, and did I need something to read.
有一天，我在 Bird Trail Grill 餐厅，他说他收到了所有这些杂志，我需要读点什么吗？
The bookmobile came every once in a while, but, pretty much, we passed magazines around a lot.
流动图书车每隔一段时间就会来一次，但是我们几乎经常传递杂志。
So he said he had all these magazines.
所以他说他有所有这些杂志。
And I thought, huh.
我想，嗯。
I didn't even know he spoke.
我什至不知道他说话了。
I'd seen him around town.
我在城里见过他。
And I figured that he was opening a door.
我认为他正在打开一扇门。
When Sue told me this, things became instantly more clear.
当苏告诉我这件事时，事情立刻变得清晰起来。
Sue is pretty, and funny, and good with horses.
苏很漂亮，很有趣，而且很擅长骑马。
Of course, the cowboys wanted to talk to her.
当然，牛仔们想和她说话。
So anyway, I just kind of got in the habit of visiting with him and hanging out with him.
所以无论如何，我只是养成了拜访他并和他一起出去玩的习惯。
And maybe he had a project to do, and I'd help him with it.
也许他有一个项目要做，我会帮助他。
And then we were raising some horses here, and he'd come down.
然后我们在这里养了一些马，他就下来了。
And I'd make biscuits and coffee for Sunday breakfast.
我会做饼干和咖啡作为周日早餐。
And Kirk was bossy.
柯克很专横。
Kirk once told me how to strike a match.
柯克曾经告诉我如何划一根火柴。
I am not kidding you.
我不是在开玩笑。
I couldn't make that up if I wanted to.
如果我愿意的话，我也无法弥补。
He definitely told you how to do it.
他肯定告诉你该怎么做。
Kirk took Sue riding with him up on Boulder Mountain packing salt for the Cattlemen's Association.
柯克带着苏骑马去博尔德山为牧民协会打包盐。
And he told her stories, cowboy stories, like how, when he was a kid, he'd go out to the Circle Cliffs, and rope wild horses, and take them home and break them.
他给她讲故事，牛仔故事，比如当他还是个孩子的时候，他如何去圆悬崖，用绳子拴住野马，然后把它们带回家并驯服它们。
One time, he had a wild horse that no one could ride.
有一次，他有一匹没人能骑的野马。
It wouldn't be broken.
它不会被打破。
And eventually, it ran straight into the corral and broke its neck.
最终，它径直冲进畜栏，摔断了脖子。
And I said, "Well, what'd you do?" And he said, "Well, we went down to the Circle Cliffs and got another one." And that was kind of his attitude.
我说：“那么，你做了什么？”他说：“好吧，我们去了圆崖，又找到了一个。”这就是他的态度。
It was a very utilitarian approach, I guess some people would say kind of un-enlightened.
这是一种非常功利的做法，我想有些人会说有点不开明。
You know?
你知道？
What about the rights of that horse?
那匹马的权利呢？
What would PETA say about that?
善待动物组织（PETA）对此有何评论？
I don't know.
我不知道。
They wouldn't like it.
他们不会喜欢的。
So anyway, I guess I always have had this ability to listen to Kirk, his conversation, and to hear it, to live it, to understand what he was doing, to picture running full-bore on a horse in wild country trying to rope another horse.
所以无论如何，我想我一直都有这种能力去听柯克，听他的谈话，去听它，去经历它，去理解他在做什么，去想象在荒野里骑着一匹马全力奔跑，试图用绳子拴住另一匹马。
And then the other part of me is saying, what would PETA think?
然后我的另一部分在说，善待动物组织会怎么想？
You know?
你知道？
So Sue became friends with Kirk.
于是苏和柯克成为了朋友。
And since Kirk had lived in Boulder most of his life and was well respected in the community, she automatically became friends with other locals.
由于柯克一生大部分时间都住在博尔德，并且在社区中很受尊重，因此她自然而然地与其他当地人成为了朋友。
Grant was right behind her realizing that the cowboys, or at least some of the cowboys, were pretty good guys after all.
格兰特就在她身后，意识到牛仔们，或者至少是一些牛仔，毕竟都是好人。
Like, here's an example.
就像，这是一个例子。
One time I was riding out for a week by myself, and I had a pack horse.
有一次，我一个人出去骑马一周，我有一匹驮马。
And I got to where one canyon joined another.
我到达了一个峡谷与另一个峡谷相连的地方。
And I looked upstream, and there were these bright, orange tents sitting in the flood plain right in the middle of the trail, and they looked like UFOs.
我向上游望去，小路中间的洪泛平原上有这些明亮的橙色帐篷，它们看起来就像不明飞行物。
I turned right, went a quarter mile, and I ran into a herd of cows.
我右转，走了四分之一英里，遇到了一群牛。
And behind the herd of cows was this old-timer, Ivan Lyman, and his son.
牛群后面是这位老前辈，伊万·莱曼和他的儿子。
And his son had no shirt on, and had about a 10-foot long willow that he was herding the cows with, and a big grin on his face.
他的儿子没穿衬衫，拿着一棵大约10英尺长的柳树，正在放牛，脸上挂着灿烂的笑容。
And Ivan was smiling and sitting on his horse.
伊万微笑着坐在马背上。
And I stopped.
我停了下来。
And he stopped and said, "How's it going?" And he was just part of the land.
他停下来问道：“怎么样？”而他只是这片土地的一部分。
I could just see it.
我只能看到它。
His face looked like the cliffs looked.
他的脸看起来就像悬崖一样。
And the cows, and his horse, and his saddle were all the color of the dirt.
牛、马和马鞍都是泥土的颜色。
They were just a part of the land.
他们只是这片土地的一部分。
Given the choice of who he identified with, it definitely wasn't the people in the orange tents.
如果他选择认同谁，那绝对不是橙色帐篷里的人。
The cowboys had done everything they could to threaten and intimidate Grant and Sue, but they'd stayed because their love of the land was stronger than the fear of the locals.
牛仔们竭尽全力威胁和恐吓格兰特和苏，但他们留下来了，因为他们对这片土地的热爱胜过对当地人的恐惧。
And because they'd stayed, they ended up siding with the cowboys.
因为他们留下来，所以他们最终站在了牛仔一边。
Both Grant, and Sue, and the cowboys came to realize that they shared the common experience of living and surviving in the wilderness, which was both very difficult and very rewarding.
格兰特、苏和牛仔们都意识到，他们有着在荒野中生活和生存的共同经历，这既非常困难，又非常有意义。
Now, these days, Grant and Sue are busy with their outfitting company, Escalante Canyon Outfitters, taking tourists into remote areas of the desert.
如今，格兰特和苏正忙于他们的服装公司埃斯卡兰特峡谷服装公司（Escalante Canyon Outfitters），将游客带到沙漠的偏远地区。
Most of their business comes from people returning for a second and third trip.
他们的大部分业务来自第二次和第三次旅行返回的人。
They have seven horses in a big, circular corral.
他们在一个大的圆形畜栏里养了七匹马。
They keep their land irrigated and green with alfalfa.
他们用苜蓿保持土地灌溉和绿色。
Grant is carving out a new house from a sandstone mound next to their camper trailer.
格兰特正在他们的露营拖车旁边的砂岩土堆上开辟一座新房子。
The mound is 60 feet tall and 150 feet wide, a huge dome.
土丘高60英尺，宽150英尺，是一个巨大的圆顶。
And they have a six-year-old daughter, Claire, who reminds me of a little mountain goat, white, translucent hair.
他们有一个六岁的女儿克莱尔，她让我想起一只小山羊，白色的半透明头发。
She sits up on the side of the dome looking down at you in silence.
她坐在穹顶的一侧，默默地俯视着你。
Their place looks good, even beautiful.
他们的地方看起来不错，甚至很漂亮。
They're living their dream.
他们正在实现自己的梦想。
The last time I was down there I drove around Boulder looking for Dell LeFevre, the cattleman I'd interviewed back in '87.
上次我去那里时，我开车绕着博尔德寻找 Dell LeFevre，他是我在 87 年采访过的牧牛人。
He's still there, still running cows.
他还在那儿，还在赶牛。
Do you remember the first time you met Sue?
你还记得第一次见到苏的情景吗？
First time I ever seen Sue, she just looked like a little hippie chick to me.
我第一次见到苏时，我觉得她就像个嬉皮小妞。
And see, my war go way back with hippies.
你看，我的战争可以追溯到嬉皮士时期。
So I'm not a hippie lover.
所以我不是嬉皮士爱好者。
And man, I see her around with Grant.
伙计，我看到她和格兰特在一起。
And Grant and I've kind of been on opposite sides for years because he was all wilderness and I was multiple use.
格兰特和我多年来一直站在对立面，因为他完全是荒野，而我是多重用途。
And Grant's had a struggle around here.
格兰特在这里经历了一场斗争。
You've got to give it to old Grant.
你必须把它交给老格兰特。
Grant, he wasn't very well liked around here because of his beliefs.
格兰特，由于他的信仰，他在这里不太受欢迎。
Hell, I'd have packed up and left a long time ago if people treated me like they was treating old Grant.
天哪，如果人们像对待老格兰特一样对待我，我早就收拾行李离开了。
But Grant stuck it out.
但格兰特坚持了下来。
Grant stayed right with it.
格兰特坚持了这一点。
And they don't bother anybody.
而且他们不会打扰任何人。
They do their work.
他们做他们的工作。
They do their thing.
他们做他们的事。
And Grant and Sue, they fit in my class now.
格兰特和苏，他们现在适合我的班级。
They're working people.
他们是劳动人民。
I love working people.
我爱劳动人民。
Anybody can start a business and make it.
任何人都可以创业并成功。
That's my kind of people.
我就是这样的人。
I can forgive anybody of anything if they're hard workers.
如果他们工作努力，我可以原谅任何人。
You have to change.
你必须改变。
You change.
你改变。
Life can't go on.
生活无法继续。
I mean, look how Boulder's changed.
我的意思是，看看博尔德发生了怎样的变化。
You have to change with the times.
你必须与时俱进。
You can't put a door up and say hey, if you're not a cowboy, don't come to Boulder.
你不能打开一扇门说，嘿，如果你不是牛仔，就不要来博尔德。
When Grant moved to Boulder in 1975, there were 30 ranchers and 100 people in town.
1975 年格兰特搬到博尔德时，镇上有 30 名牧场主和 100 人。
Now there are 5 ranchers and 200 people, only 12 of whom have been there longer than Grant.
现在有5个牧场主和200人，其中只有12人比格兰特在那里的时间更长。
Over the years, SUWA and other environmental groups succeeded in getting the government agencies to watch and regulate cattle on public land way more aggressively.
多年来，SUWA 和其他环保组织成功地让政府机构更加积极地监视和监管公共土地上的牛群。
The cattlemen, of course, would like to be left alone.
当然，牧民们希望不受打扰。
But, at the same time, they admit that mistakes were made in the past.
但同时，他们也承认过去犯过错误。
It's never been easy to graze cows in a desert.
在沙漠里放牛从来都不是一件容易的事。
And now they've got these regulations and the competition from more efficient corporate ranches in Florida.
现在他们已经有了这些法规以及来自佛罗里达州更高效的企业牧场的竞争。
And on top of all this, for the past five years, there's been a severe drought in southern Utah.
除此之外，在过去的五年里，犹他州南部还发生了严重的干旱。
So they're going out of business, and the environmentalists are at least a part of the reason why.
所以他们要倒闭了，而环保主义者至少是其中的一部分原因。
SUWA's a bad bunch, as far as ranchers are concerned.
对于牧场主来说，SUWA 是一群坏人。
They want cows off.
他们想要把奶牛赶走。
That's their goal.
这就是他们的目标。
There was "Cows Free '93," "No Moo." I forget all their little slogans.
有“93 年自由奶牛”、“没有哞哞”。我忘记了他们所有的小口号。
But they've wanted cows off the public land now for ever since they started, 20, 25 years ago.
但自从 20、25 年前成立以来，他们就一直希望奶牛离开公共土地。
In fact, Grant was probably one of the fathers of that.
事实上，格兰特可能是该理论的创始人之一。
That was their goal, and they've done a good job.
这就是他们的目标，而且他们做得很好。
You try to do something, and they appeal it.
你尝试做某事，他们就会呼吁你这样做。
I try to put a water tank in, and they'll appeal it.
我试着放一个水箱，他们会上诉的。
It's a tough thing when they get so much clout.
当他们获得如此大的影响力时，这是一件艰难的事情。
Everything you do, they appeal.
你所做的一切，他们都会吸引你。
They can stop anything.
他们可以阻止任何事情。
And Boulder has been ruined.
博尔德已经被毁了。
These big ranches down in that valley, they're gone.
山谷里的那些大牧场都消失了。
Ranching's done, let's face it.
牧场已经完成，让我们面对现实吧。
The environmental groups won.
环保组织获胜。
Do you want to see this valley in 5-acre lots and little houses?
您想看看这个山谷的 5 英亩土地和小房子吗？
Is that what they wanted?
这就是他们想要的吗？
A Sedona?
塞多纳？
Park City?
帕克城？
Well, they got her.
好吧，他们抓住了她。
You come by here when my bunch is gone, and you'll see nothing but houses here.
当我的一群人离开时，你来到这里，你会看到这里除了房子之外什么也没有。
[INTERPOSING VOICES] Scott Carrier When I was down there that last time, I went to a party Grant and Sue threw for some friends who were moving to Montana because they have kids and the local school in Boulder is not so good.
[插话]斯科特·卡里尔（Scott Carrier）上次去那里时，我参加了格兰特和苏为一些朋友举办的聚会，这些朋友要搬到蒙大拿州，因为他们有孩子，而博尔德当地的学校不太好。
There were about 100 people, mostly families from Boulder, lots of kids, everybody outside by the dome and trailer under a full moon, a beautiful night.
大约有 100 人，大多数是来自博尔德的家庭，还有很多孩子，每个人都在圆顶和拖车外面，在满月下，这是一个美丽的夜晚。
Sue invited a couple of local ranchers, but they didn't show up, maybe because of the beer and alcohol-- they're Mormons-- or maybe because they just wouldn't have felt comfortable around so many newcomers to the area.
苏邀请了几个当地的牧场主，但他们没有出现，也许是因为啤酒和酒精——他们是摩门教徒——或者可能是因为他们在这个地区有这么多新来者周围感到不舒服。
It's kind of tragic.
这有点悲剧。
The ranchers are nearly gone, and people are moving in from the cities, which is pretty much how it's going all over the West.
牧场主几乎消失了，人们正在从城市搬进来，这几乎就是整个西部地区的情况。
It's possible that the people moving in will come to see and appreciate the land in the way Grant and Sue have, that they'll eventually share the common experience of living in this beautiful place.
搬进来的人们可能会像格兰特和苏一样来看待和欣赏这片土地，他们最终会分享在这个美丽的地方生活的共同经历。
But there won't be any cowboys around to help them.
但周围不会有牛仔来帮助他们。
Scott Carrier.
斯科特·开利.
His stories are funded partly by hearingvoices.com and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.
他的故事部分由hearingvoices.com 和公共广播公司资助。
[MUSIC - "THE HIKER AND THE COWMAN" BY JON LANGFORD AND JOHN RAUHAUS]
[音乐 - 乔恩·兰福德和约翰·劳豪斯创作的《徒步旅行者和牛人》]
Well, yeehaw, Jon Langford with John Rauhaus with apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein.
好吧，是的，乔恩·兰福德和约翰·劳豪斯向罗杰斯和汉默斯坦道歉。
Coming up, the slingshot killed Goliath but not John Hodgman.
弹弓很快就杀死了歌利亚，但没有杀死约翰·霍奇曼。
Details in a minute from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International, when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续时，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将立即提供详细信息。
Act Two, Scrapbook, The Verb.
第二幕，剪贴簿，动词。
If you don't know it already, there's a whole scrapbooking thing going on in this country: scrapbook stores, scrapbook seminars, scrapbook conventions, and magazines.
如果您还不知道，这个国家正在发生一整套剪贴簿活动：剪贴簿商店、剪贴簿研讨会、剪贴簿大会和杂志。
They have made scrapbook into a verb, as in, "Not now, I'm scrapbooking."
他们将剪贴簿变成了动词，例如“现在不行，我正在剪贴簿”。
Kim Meyer and Julie Checkoway spent some time living in that world to put together a documentary.
金·迈耶 (Kim Meyer) 和朱莉·切科威 (Julie Checkoway) 花了一些时间生活在那个世界中，制作了一部纪录片。
And along the way, they met one woman whose scrapbooking was so intense that it took on a special kind of character.
一路上，他们遇到了一位女士，她的剪贴簿非常热情，以至于呈现出一种特殊的性格。
In her suburban Houston home, where other people would have the dining room, she has a room that's filled with hundreds of ink stamps, thousands of stickers, countless sheets of pattern papers, scrapbook supplies, all ready for a launch toward a future years from now.
在她位于休斯顿郊区的家中，其他人会使用餐厅，她的房间里装满了数百张墨水印章、数千张贴纸、无数张图案纸、剪贴簿用品，所有这些都准备好迎接未来几年的推出。
Kim Meyer tells the story.
金·迈耶讲述了这个故事。
Timi Emmons keeps her scrapbooks by the window so in case of fire, she can break the glass from the outside and rescue them.
蒂米·埃蒙斯 (Timi Emmons) 将她的剪贴簿放在窗边，这样一旦发生火灾，她可以从外面打破玻璃并营救它们。
Timi is in her late 30s, blond hair, the sort of woman who doesn't like to answer the door without her makeup on.
蒂米三十多岁，金发，是那种不化妆不喜欢开门的女人。
Pretty much every single scrapbook she's made is of her daughter, Maddie.
她制作的几乎每一本剪贴簿都是关于她女儿麦迪的。
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and then, not in books, this is probably 12, 13.
7、8、9、10、11，然后，书上没有，这可能是 12、13。
I think I have 3 more, so I probably have 15 or 16.
我想我还有 3 个，所以我可能有 15 或 16 个。
I have 15 or 16 albums, and I've only, probably, touched the last three years.
我有 15 或 16 张专辑，而且我可能只是在过去三年接触过。
Her first year of life I haven't even touched yet.
她生命的第一年我还没碰过。
You know, she's four years old and already has 17 books.
要知道，她才四岁，已经有十七本书了。
I'm going to have to start my own library.
我将不得不建立自己的图书馆。
Each scrapbook is several inches thick and bound in leather.
每本剪贴簿都有几英寸厚，并用皮革装订。
They're like some mutant cross between a photo album and a journal.
它们就像相册和日记之间的某种突变体。
On one page, portraits of Maddie in a flowery, Easter dress and sun hat are matted on yellow and green, acid-free, archival quality papers.
在一页上，麦迪穿着华丽的复活节连衣裙、戴着遮阳帽的肖像铺在黄色和绿色、无酸、档案级的纸张上。
Then, cascading down into these abundant piles at the bottom of the page, are purple and yellow pansies, hundreds of them that Timi pressed from her own yard.
然后，紫色和黄色的三色堇层叠在页面底部的这些丰富的堆中，数百个是蒂米从她自己的院子里压下来的。
On another page, eight copies of the same photograph of Maddie at the beach in her little pink swimsuit are cut into triangles.
在另一页上，八张麦蒂穿着粉色小泳衣在海滩上的同一张照片被切成三角形。
The eight triangles are pasted around a central point, so you get the effect of looking through a kaleidoscope.
八个三角形粘贴在一个中心点周围，因此您会得到万花筒般的效果。
In another layout, she scrapbooked Maddie on September 11th doing somersaults in front of the TV with pictures of the World Trade Center site flickering in the background.
在另一种布局中，她剪贴簿了 9 月 11 日麦迪在电视机前翻筋斗的照片，背景中闪烁着世贸中心遗址的图片。
Timi says she was struck by her daughter's innocence on this day when she, herself, thought the world was coming to an end.
蒂米说，这一天，当她自己认为世界末日即将到来时，她对女儿的纯真感到震惊。
She matted the photos on red, white, and blue papers.
她将照片铺在红色、白色和蓝色的纸上。
The headline streaming above all this was taken from an Alan Jackson song, "Where were you on that September morn?"
上面的标题取自艾伦·杰克逊的一首歌曲，“那个九月的早晨你在哪里？”
On nearly every page, Timi also has brief journal entries mounted on contrasting patterned papers and printed out in fonts appropriate to the subject matter, curlicues for birthdays, calligraphy for more serious events.
蒂米几乎在每一页上都有简短的日记条目，装在对比鲜明的图案纸上，并以适合主题的字体打印出来，生日用的花饰，更严肃的事件的书法。
Timi has got a journal entry for every day since she first found out she was pregnant with Maddie.
自从蒂米第一次发现自己怀上了麦迪以来，她每天都会记日记。
The day we visited, she had 1,765 in the hole.
我们参观的那天，她的洞里有 1,765 个。
Here's one of them.
这是其中之一。
"January 26, 2001, you and I ran errands and shopped a big part of the day.
“2001 年 1 月 26 日，你和我一天的大部分时间都在跑腿和购物。
You drew all over a card for your Papa Chase's birthday.
你为你爸爸蔡斯的生日画了一张卡片。
I learned, today, that you now know how to open certain types of doors that have pull handles."
今天我了解到，您现在知道如何打开某些类型的带有拉手的门。”
Reading these, one after another, page after page, is a little overwhelming, the sheer accumulation and tenacity.
一页又一页地读这些，有点让人不知所措，纯粹的积累和坚韧。
It's too complete, too much like real-life, all those mundane details.
它太完整了，太像现实生活了，所有这些平凡的细节。
"You went to gymnastics and took your kitty with you today."
“你今天去参加体操了，还带着你的小猫。”
Timi tells us that, when it comes to Maddie, nothing is mundane, that every little bit is important.
蒂米告诉我们，对于麦迪来说，没有什么是平凡的，每一点都很重要。
She wants to capture it all.
她想要捕捉这一切。
When my little girl kept going to all her doctor appointments every two months and getting all of her shots, as terrible as this sounds, I took my camera with me to the doctor's office and took pictures.
当我的小女儿每两个月去一次所有的医生预约并拍摄所有照片时，尽管这听起来很糟糕，但我带着相机去医生办公室拍了照片。
I walk around all the time seeing scrapbook layouts everywhere I go.
我一直四处走动，到处都能看到剪贴簿布局。
There are times I've seen Maddie just sitting on the doorstep, and one time in particular, and I saw her just staring intently.
有时我看到麦迪只是坐在门口台阶上，特别是有一次，我看到她只是专心地盯着。
And I'm like, "What are you doing?" She goes, "I'm watching the butterfly." And so I went and grabbed my camera, and I wanted to take a picture of her just staring at the butterfly.
我说：“你在做什么？”她说：“我在看蝴蝶。”于是我就拿起相机，想拍一张她凝视蝴蝶的照片。
At every moment, every corner I turn, there's a possible scrapbook layout.
每时每刻，我转弯的每一个角落，都有一个可能的剪贴簿布局。
After Maddie was born, Timi found it more and more difficult to work full-time, be an attentive wife, raise her daughter, and scrapbook so seriously.
Maddie出生后，Timi发现越来越难全职工作、做一个细心的妻子、抚养女儿、认真做剪贴簿。
So when Maddie was about two, Timi decided to quit her job as a paralegal.
因此，当麦迪两岁左右时，蒂米决定辞掉律师助理的工作。
It may sound extreme to leave work in order to make expensive and elaborate scrapbooks that only your family will ever see.
放下工作去制作只有你的家人才能看到的昂贵而精致的剪贴簿，这听起来可能很极端。
And the scrapbooking supplies are slowly taking over their house, but Gary, Timi's husband, just kind of shrugs at all that.
剪贴簿用品正在慢慢占据他们的房子，但蒂米的丈夫加里对此只是耸耸肩。
It's her house.
这是她的房子。
I'm just living in it.
我只是生活在其中。
I've got my remote control, my TV, and my chair.
我有遥控器、电视和椅子。
I have my own little closet, which I didn't have for a while.
我有自己的小衣柜，但我已经有一段时间没有了。
I only had half of that.
我只有一半。
I have the closet and one little spot on the dresser.
我有衣柜和梳妆台上的一小块地方。
That's me.
这就是我。
The rest of the house is hers.
房子的其余部分都是她的。
Not that the scrapbooking doesn't worry him sometimes.
有时候，剪贴簿并不会让他担心。
I mean, I don't know if that's good or bad.
我的意思是，我不知道这是好是坏。
What do you think?
你怎么认为？
What would be good and what would be bad about it?
这样做有什么好处，有什么坏处？
I think if you're always in the mode of trying to create a moment, sometimes, I think, you let moments pass by without really enjoying them.
我认为，如果你总是试图创造一个时刻，有时，我想，你会让时刻过去，而没有真正享受它们。
So her way to hold onto that is to create something that she can physically look at to remember that particular moment, maybe to recapture that feeling again.
因此，她保持这一点的方法是创造一些她可以实际观看的东西来记住那个特定的时刻，也许可以再次重新捕捉那种感觉。
I always try to tell her, "Would you just relax, and sit down, and try to enjoy it?" You know?
我总是试图告诉她，“你能放松一下，坐下来，试着享受它吗？”你知道？
I mean, there's got to be some part that you take in, in your soul.
我的意思是，你的灵魂中一定有一部分是你吸收的。
In that respect, I feel bad for her because she's so worried about holding onto it that I don't know if she really ever captures it.
在这方面，我为她感到难过，因为她非常担心能否抓住它，以至于我不知道她是否真的抓住了它。
Timi is so intent sometimes on capturing the moment that even if that moment somehow passes her by, she'll re-stage it in order to get the layout she wants.
蒂米有时非常专注于捕捉那一刻，即使那一刻不知何故从她身边溜走，她也会重新安排它以获得她想要的布局。
One Christmas, when her photos came back from the lab too dark, she actually fabricated the whole holiday season again.
有一年圣诞节，当她从实验室传回的照片太暗时，她实际上又捏造了整个假期。
She dragged out all of her decorations, re-dressed Maddie in her various Christmas outfits, and took a bunch of photos over.
她把所有的装饰品都拿出来，给麦蒂重新穿上了各种圣诞服装，还拍了一堆照片。
Fortunately, the tree was still up.
幸运的是，树还立着。
I remember that whole deal just because the fact that I couldn't believe that she was re-dressing Mattie back up in Christmas stuff for pictures because she thought that they didn't come out quite right.
我记得整件事只是因为我不敢相信她把玛蒂重新打扮成圣诞节的衣服去拍照，因为她认为它们看起来不太对劲。
And if you would see the number of boxes we have for Christmas decorations, it is two closets full.
如果你看看我们的圣诞装饰品盒子数量，你会发现已经装满了两个壁橱。
And everything has to go back into its little box, wrapped up in bubble wrap, and put into the box, and it's like, oh, my God.
所有东西都必须放回小盒子里，用气泡纸包裹起来，然后放进盒子里，就像，哦，天哪。
My husband thinks I'm out of control.
我丈夫认为我失控了。
I don't think I am out of control.
我不认为我失控了。
But I think it's all in one's perspective.
但我认为这都是从一个人的角度来看的。
Most people look at me and go oh, my gosh, you're a bit excessive here.
大多数人看着我都会说哦，天哪，你在这里有点过分了。
But we're all enjoying it.
但我们都很享受。
We're having fun.
我们玩得很开心。
We're making scrapbooks for our children or our grandchildren.
我们正在为我们的孩子或孙子制作剪贴簿。
We're doing something creative.
我们正在做一些有创意的事情。
It's not like we're out Imelda Marcos and blowing all our money on shoes or something.
我们又不像伊梅尔达·马科斯那样把所有的钱都花在鞋子或其他东西上。
So long as we get the laundry done, and the house clean, and the cooking done, who cares what we do with our spare time?
只要我们洗好衣服，打扫房子，做饭，谁在乎我们闲暇时间做什么呢？
Do you think is there any negative repercussions on Maddie with the obsessive kind of nature of it?
你认为麦迪的强迫症会对她产生什么负面影响吗？
There are times when I'm working on a project, I've got a deadline, and I'm stressed about it.
有时，当我在做一个项目时，我有一个截止日期，我对此感到压力。
And I'm sitting there grinding at the table trying to get this project done.
我坐在桌子旁苦苦挣扎，努力完成这个项目。
And Maddie's saying, "But mommy, I want you to read me a book." And I'm saying, "I'll read you a book in a little while when I'm finished.
麦蒂说：“但是妈妈，我想让你给我读一本书。”我说：“等我读完后，我会给你读一本书。
I've got to get this done." And, when I think about it, I'm like, OK, now what's most important here, really?
我必须完成这件事。”而且，当我想到这一点时，我想，好吧，现在最重要的是什么，真的吗？
And, honestly, my daughter is most important.
老实说，我的女儿是最重要的。
But there are times that I put her off when she really needs me or wants me because I'm working on scrapbooking.
但有时，当她真正需要我或想要我时，我会推迟她，因为我正在做剪贴簿。
Now, that is the time that I think that's a negative.
现在，我认为这是负面的。
We asked Timi what she thinks it's about, her need to document her life so compulsively, and she's not sure at first.
我们问蒂米，她认为这是什么，她需要如此强迫性地记录自己的生活，但她一开始并不确定。
She gives different reasons at different times.
她在不同的时间给出了不同的理由。
She talks about how when she was nine, her grandmother died.
她讲述了她九岁时祖母去世的故事。
She'd spent nearly every day of her life with her grandmother.
她一生中几乎每一天都是和祖母一起度过的。
A year later, her family pulled up stakes in West Virginia and moved to Houston where they knew no one.
一年后，她的家人撤回了西弗吉尼亚州的股份，搬到了休斯顿，在那里他们谁也不认识。
Back east, she'd been surrounded by a large, extended family of great-grandparents, and grandparents, and aunts, and uncles, and cousins, who lived in little towns like Hurricane, and Dunbar, and Tater Creek.
回到东部，她周围有一个由曾祖父母、祖父母、阿姨、叔叔和表兄弟姐妹组成的大家庭，他们住在哈里肯、邓巴和塔特溪等小镇。
But a 1,000 miles from where she began, she was suddenly isolated from everything that had seemed vital and real.
但在距离出发地 1000 英里的地方，她突然与一切看似生机勃勃、真实存在的事物隔绝了。
Her past seemed erased.
她的过去似乎被抹去了。
Her parents began to fight, and they later divorced.
她的父母开始吵架，后来离婚了。
Everything sort of fell apart.
一切都崩溃了。
She hasn't seen her father in years.
她已经很多年没有见过她的父亲了。
And all sorts of people close to her started dying off.
所有与她亲近的人都开始死去。
And it's all this loss that Timi seems to be trying to fend off through her scrapbooks.
蒂米似乎试图通过她的剪贴簿来抵御所有这些损失。
It's almost like, if she can arrange life in these beautiful layouts, she can control it.
几乎就像，如果她能将生活安排在这些美丽的布局中，她就可以控制它。
And in visiting her, over the course of a few weeks, my co-producer, Julie, and I suggest that to her.
在几周的时间里，我和联合制片人朱莉拜访了她，并向她建议了这一点。
I've thought about that a great deal in the last week, about here I'm this person that has this death issue.
上周我对此进行了很多思考，我就是这个有死亡问题的人。
I've known that for the longest time, but it never occurred to me that that could be what was the underlying, driving force making me almost feel possessed sometime about I've got to get this done.
我很长时间以来都知道这一点，但我从未想到这可能是潜在的驱动力，让我有时几乎感到着迷，因为我必须完成这件事。
And I've got to hurry, you know?
我得快点，你知道吗？
I want to get this all on paper.
我想把这一切都写在纸上。
I've got it all written down.
我已经全部写下来了。
I've got to make sure I don't miss anything.
我必须确保我不会错过任何事情。
And it never occurred to me that there was that deep of a link motivating me.
我从来没有想到有如此深刻的联系激励着我。
So that's been very profound for me.
所以这对我来说意义非常深远。
About 10 years ago, Timi's mother presented her with a plaster cast of Timi's hands back when Timi was six, a project she'd made when she was in the first grade.
大约十年前，蒂米六岁时，母亲向她展示了蒂米双手的石膏模型，这是她一年级时做的一个项目。
Her mother had saved it all these years.
这些年来，她的母亲一直保存着它。
I cried, and cried, and cried because it meant something to me that it was important enough to her to hold onto it, and keep it all those years, and give it back to me, and say, this is a part of your childhood.
我哭了，哭了，哭了，因为这对我来说意义重大，对她来说足够重要，要坚持这些年，把它还给我，并说，这是你童年的一部分。
This was part of your life.
这是你生活的一部分。
I want you to hold on to this.
我希望你坚持住这一点。
It gives you roots.
它给你根。
It gives you history.
它给你历史。
So I wanted to capture for Maddie who she was, where she came from, and what her life was like.
所以我想为麦迪捕捉她是谁，她来自哪里，以及她的生活是什么样的。
And I assumed that she would be the same way, that it would be just as important for her.
我以为她也会这样，这对她来说同样重要。
But I can't quit.
但我不能放弃。
I don't know why.
我不知道为什么。
I don't know.
我不知道。
It's partially out of guilt.
部分原因是出于愧疚。
I know this sounds silly, but it's not.
我知道这听起来很愚蠢，但事实并非如此。
It's almost as if I stop, then it says, I don't care enough to write, or I'm too busy in my day that I can't fill up a 1 and 1/2 inch square about your life.
就好像我停下来，然后它说，我不太关心写作，或者我这一天太忙了，无法填满关于你生活的 1 又 1/2 英寸见方。
And I just feel too guilty to stop.
我只是感到太内疚而无法停下来。
It's like once I got started, I can't quit.
就像一旦开始，我就无法退出。
So the big news is that Timi is pregnant again.
所以重大消息是蒂米再次怀孕了。
She has a baby boy on the way in just a few months, and this has put her in an untenable position.
几个月后她就生下了一个男婴，这让她陷入了难以为继的境地。
She's not sure there are enough hours in the day to scrapbook for two children.
她不确定一天中有足够的时间为两个孩子制作剪贴簿。
If you've decided that scrapbooks are how you show your love for your child, what does it say about your love if you stop scrapbooking?
如果您认为剪贴簿是表达您对孩子的爱的方式，那么如果您停止剪贴簿，这会说明您的爱是什么？
Timi has sort of scrapbooked herself into a corner.
蒂米已经把自己逼到了一个角落。
I have not journaled even a fraction to this baby what I did for Maddie, and that's really been bothering me.
我没有向这个婴儿记录我为麦迪所做的一切，这真的让我很困扰。
And even in my journal, I have written to the baby trying to explain why I have not journaled as much, and please don't take this personally when you get older and read your journal and wonder why your mommy didn't write very much to you.
甚至在我的日记中，我也写信给宝宝试图解释为什么我没有写那么多日记，当你长大并阅读你的日记并想知道为什么你的妈妈没有给你写太多信时，请不要把这视为针对你个人。
Timi is trying to finish up this scrapbook of Maddie's first year before the new baby is born in October.
蒂米正试图在 10 月份新婴儿出生之前完成麦迪第一年的这本剪贴簿。
She says that this scrapbook will be about 100 pages long.
她说这本剪贴簿大约有 100 页长。
So far, she's done 12 pages.
到目前为止，她已经完成了 12 页。
Every two-page layout takes her 10 to 12 hours to do.
每两页的布局需要她花 10 到 12 个小时才能完成。
That's nearly 1,000 hours of work, 40 straight days, all scrapbooking, no sleep.
那是近 1,000 小时的工作，连续 40 天，全部都是剪贴簿，没有睡觉。
The new baby is due in 10 weeks.
新生儿将在 10 周内预产。
She's not sure she's going to make it.
她不确定自己能否成功。
Kim Meyer and her co-producer, Julie Checkoway, live in Houston.
金·迈耶 (Kim Meyer) 和她的联合制片人朱莉·切科威 (Julie Checkoway) 住在休斯顿。
Their website, storyrodeo.org.
他们的网站：storyrodeo.org。
Act Three, Slingshot.
第三幕，弹弓。
John Hodgman has this letter, which he wrote years ago and which he agreed to read on our program, about the changes that can happen from one summer to the next.
约翰·霍奇曼有这封信，是他多年前写的，他同意在我们的节目中阅读这封信，内容是关于从一个夏天到下一个夏天可能发生的变化。
Dear Mary, here is all that need be said about my experience gambling in Atlantic City.
亲爱的玛丽，这就是我在大西洋城赌博的经历。
At the Trump Taj Mahal I played $1 to $3 seven-card stud for four hours, sipping free whisky and making jokes with strangers, and I lost all of $7.
在特朗普泰姬陵，我玩了四个小时 1 到 3 美元的七张牌梭哈，一边喝着免费的威士忌，一边和陌生人开玩笑，结果我输掉了 7 美元。
Then I played slots and lost seven times that in a quick, mean, and lonely 40 minutes.
然后我玩老虎机，在快速、卑鄙和孤独的 40 分钟内输了七次。
As they say, easy come, easy go.
正如他们所说，来得容易，去得也容易。
It's tempting to use gambling as a metaphor when writing about the Jersey Shore.
在撰写有关泽西海岸的文章时，很容易使用赌博作为隐喻。
But I would rather discuss the metaphoric power of the Slingshot, which stands at 8th and Boardwalk, a handful of miles south of the Taj, in Ocean City, New Jersey.
但我更愿意讨论弹弓的隐喻力量，它位于新泽西州大洋城泰姬陵以南几英里处的海滨大道第八街。
Like all good metaphors, the Slingshot is versatile and may be seen from many different angles.
像所有好的隐喻一样，弹弓是多用途的，可以从许多不同的角度来看待。
It is seen first, and from afar, as two enormous towers lit with neon, 100 feet high above the boardwalk and the ocean beyond.
首先从远处看到的是两座闪烁着霓虹灯的巨大塔楼，高出木板路和远处的海洋 100 英尺。
As you get closer, you see that between them is suspended a spherical cage that rotates freely around its horizontal axis, where cables stretch from either side to the tips of the two towers.
当你走近时，你会发现它们之间悬挂着一个球形笼子，它绕其水平轴自由旋转，电缆从两侧延伸到两座塔的顶端。
There are two seats inside the sphere that, after a hydraulic mechanism tightens the cables, carry two occupants 200 feet into the air at 100 miles per hour, while spinning.
球体内有两个座椅，在液压机构拉紧缆绳后，将两名乘客以 100 英里/小时的速度带到 200 英尺的空中，同时旋转。
It is the sort of thing that its creators bill as a ride.
它的创造者将其称为一种“搭便车”。
It is the sort of thing that, when seen from the ground at the very base of the towers, inspires one 14-year-old girl with very large teeth to somberly explain to her girlfriend, "I'm not saying that you're going to die.
当从塔楼底部的地面上看到这种情况时，一位牙齿很大的 14 岁女孩会严肃地向她的女朋友解释：“我并不是说你会死。
I'm just saying that, if you do die, it was meant to be."
我只是说，如果你真的死了，那也是命中注定的。”
The summer before this one, we were fearless.
前一年的夏天，我们无所畏惧。
In 1999, Katherine and I came to Ocean City for an engagement party that my mother and her five sisters threw for us on the deck of my Aunt Susan's summer home.
1999 年，我和凯瑟琳来到大洋城，参加我母亲和她的五个姐妹在苏珊姨妈避暑别墅的甲板上为我们举办的订婚派对。
We opened presents until dusk fell.
我们直到黄昏才拆礼物。
Then Katherine and I hiked down to the main drag of the boardwalk and took on everything the amusement parks had to offer: the Giant Ferris Wheel, The Inverter, The City Jet, The Spanish Galleon, Katherine's favorite.
然后我和凯瑟琳徒步来到木板路的主干道，体验了游乐园提供的一切：巨型摩天轮、逆变器、城市喷气机、西班牙帆船，凯瑟琳最喜欢的。
We were thrown, and twisted, and twirled, and Katherine almost got sick but didn't.
我们被抛掷、扭曲、旋转，凯瑟琳差点生病，但没有。
My grandmother was alive then, and so was my mother.
那时我的祖母还活着，我的母亲也还活着。
Several weeks after we left, there was an accident on a new roller coaster at Wonderland Pier, The Wild Wonder.
我们离开几周后，仙境码头的新过山车“狂野奇迹”发生了事故。
One car slammed into another at high speed.
一辆车高速撞上另一辆车。
And two occupants, a young woman from New York and her very young child, were thrown from their restraints.
两名乘客，一名来自纽约的年轻女子和她年幼的孩子，被从束缚中扔了出去。
They flew out of the car through the air and into a steel support beam.
他们从空中飞出汽车，撞到钢制支撑梁上。
They died instantly.
他们立刻就死了。
As well, as you may recall from my last letter, my grandmother died the following Christmas.
另外，您可能还记得我上一封信中的内容，我的祖母在接下来的圣诞节去世了。
And my mother died the following June, six days after my birthday, both quickly, both with little warning.
我母亲在第二年六月去世，也就是我生日后六天，去世的时间都很快，而且都没有任何预兆。
And then, in August, we returned to Ocean City.
然后，八月，我们回到了大洋城。
People asked, will it be hard going back without your mother?
人们问，没有妈妈回去会很困难吗？
And I had no answer.
我没有答案。
The same non-answer I had and have to any question about how hard it is or it will be now that all these things have happened.
我也没有得到同样的答复，并且对所有这些事情都发生了之后的事情有多困难或将会有多困难有任何疑问。
Jesus, I don't know.
天哪，我不知道。
Let's go to the boardwalk.
我们去木板路吧。
When we got to Wonderland Pier, no one seemed to feel the chill haunt of the roller coaster deaths but us.
当我们到达仙境码头时，除了我们之外，似乎没有人感受到过山车死亡的寒冷。
I watched the children in the little cars fly into the air and I cringed.
我看着小汽车里的孩子们飞到空中，我感到畏缩。
I watched the teenagers necking on the Giant Ferris Wheel with its rust spots and strange creakings.
我看着青少年们在巨大的摩天轮上扭颈，摩天轮上生了锈斑，发出奇怪的吱吱声。
Just looking at the Double Dip at Playland made my neck hurt.
光是看看 Playland 的 Double Dip 就让我的脖子受伤了。
But it was the Slingshot that sent us packing.
但让我们打包的是弹弓。
The Slingshot is not affiliated with either Wonderland or Playland.
Slingshot 不隶属于 Wonderland 或 Playland。
The Slingshot stands alone.
弹弓是独立的。
Couple after couple are sent screaming into the black, summer night, becoming a tiny, star-like spark against the sky, cables heaving, towers wobbling, sphere becoming invisible.
一对又一对的情侣尖叫着被送入漆黑的夏夜，成为天空中一颗微小的星星般的火花，电缆起伏，塔楼摇晃，球体变得看不见。
It was the Slingshot that made us feel too old, too scared, and suddenly vulnerable.
正是弹弓让我们感到太老了、太害怕了，突然间变得脆弱了。
Katherine has said that, when she was a child, she loved all amusement park rides because she knew that they were made by grownups, which to her meant endless safety and boundless security.
凯瑟琳说，当她还是个孩子的时候，她喜欢所有游乐园的游乐设施，因为她知道它们是由成年人制作的，这对她来说意味着无尽的安全和无限的保障。
Naturally, we have outgrown that delusion.
自然地，我们已经摆脱了这种错觉。
As we trudged back from the boardwalk in defeat, we saw the moon over the beach.
当我们沮丧地从木板路走回来时，我们看到了海滩上的月亮。
Or, at least, we thought it was the moon.
或者，至少，我们认为那是月亮。
It hovered just above the inky horizon, blood red, engorged, larger than the sun at dawn, too bloated to hoist itself any further in the sky and more likely about to fall.
它盘旋在漆黑的地平线上方，血红色，肿胀，比黎明时的太阳还大，膨胀得无法在天空中升得更远，更有可能坠落。
A small crowd had actually gathered by the boardwalk's rail to gawk at it as though it were a fleet of invading space ships.
实际上，一小群人聚集在木板路的栏杆旁，呆呆地看着它，仿佛这是一支入侵的太空飞船舰队。
And Katherine and I joined them.
凯瑟琳和我也加入了他们。
"Either that's the moon," someone behind us said, "or something has gone horribly, horribly wrong."
“要么是月亮，”我们身后的一个人说，“要么是出了什么大问题。”
So now it's the next night, the night after the moon, and Katherine and I have returned to the Slingshot.
现在是第二天晚上，月亮过后的夜晚，凯瑟琳和我回到了弹弓号。
The large-toothed girl behind us in line says her piece about death and destiny, and we clutch our non-refundable tickets with panic and regret.
我们后面排队的大牙女孩讲述了她关于死亡和命运的文章，我们惊慌而遗憾地抓着不可退款的门票。
We watch that spherical cage ascend and descend for nearly 45 minutes.
我们观察那个球形笼子的上升和下降将近 45 分钟。
We watch children no older than 10 be happily loaded into what we come to call the ascending sphere of death.
我们看着十岁以下的孩子幸福地进入我们所谓的死亡上升领域。
And then we're next.
然后我们是下一个。
It is difficult to explain what has drawn us here after our cowardly retreat last night.
很难解释昨晚我们胆怯地撤退之后是什么吸引我们来到这里。
We have every excuse not to be here, from the metaphysical to the financial.
从形而上学到金融，我们有各种理由不来这里。
It costs $20 a head to fly.
每人飞行费用为 20 美元。
This alone should chase off a cheapskate like me.
仅凭这一点就可以赶走像我这样的小气鬼。
But we are here at Katherine's impulsive suggestion and my impulsive agreement, and neither one of us wants to back down.
但我们是在凯瑟琳冲动的建议和我冲动的同意下来到这里的，我们谁都不想退缩。
We want to be able to say we will not be cowed by death.
我们希望能够说我们不会被死亡吓倒。
But we also see very clearly the weak links in the Slingshot chain, the points where the cable may break or the tower may buckle.
但我们也非常清楚地看到弹弓链中的薄弱环节，即电缆可能断裂或塔可能弯曲的点。
The whole rig is set back from the boardwalk in the semi-dark of 8th Street.
整个装置位于第八街半暗处的木板路后面。
Though enormous, it has the look of something that really shouldn't be there, of something that can be broken down and carted away very quickly should the sheriff show up wanting to know, "What's all this about a Slingshot then?"
尽管它很大，但它看起来确实是不应该存在的东西，如果治安官出现想知道“那么弹弓到底是怎么回事？”，它就会很快被分解并运走。
There is a palpable air of unease around us, as though all of us in line can, perhaps too easily, envision something snapping this time, the ball flying up and disappearing into the night, crashing miles away in the ocean, perhaps, or a parking lot.
我们周围有一种明显的不安气氛，仿佛我们所有人都可以（也许太容易了）想象这次有什么东西折断了，球飞起来消失在夜色中，也许坠入数英里之外的海洋，或者停车场。
And if not this time, the next time.
如果这一次没有，那么下一次。
I did not tell Katherine this and really haven't considered it until now.
我没有告诉凯瑟琳这一点，直到现在才真正考虑过。
But we are there too, I think, not just to defy death, but to welcome it.
但我认为，我们也在那里，不仅仅是为了反抗死亡，而是为了欢迎它。
It has been a hard year.
这是艰难的一年。
It has been an unfair year in which we have been taught to think of the unthinkable, taught that we are not exempt from tragedy, but, in fact, can be its strange attractors.
这是不公平的一年，我们被教导要思考不可想象的事情，被教导我们不能免于悲剧，但事实上，我们可能成为悲剧的奇怪吸引者。
It's not quite a suicide pact, but I think that we share an agreement, unspoken even to ourselves, that if this thing kills us, we could live with that, so to speak.
这不完全是一个自杀协议，但我认为我们有一个共识，甚至连我们自己都没有说出口，那就是，如果这个东西杀死了我们，我们可以忍受它，可以这么说。
When our turn comes, there's a strange ritual to it.
当轮到我们时，有一个奇怪的仪式。
We empty our pockets into a plastic bin: wallets, change, keys, salt water taffy, Katherine's flip-flops.
我们把口袋里的东西全部倒进塑料箱里：钱包、零钱、钥匙、盐水太妃糖、凯瑟琳的人字拖。
I take my glasses off and give them to the man who will prepare us for the ride.
我摘下眼镜，交给负责为我们出行做准备的人。
I swear he has a handlebar mustache.
我发誓他留着八字胡。
He tells us we can take nothing with us.
他告诉我们什么都不能带走。
We sit in the cage.
我们坐在笼子里。
The mustachioed man arranges the nylon straps and restraining bars that hold us in place.
留着小胡子的男人整理着尼龙带和限制杆，将我们固定在适当的位置。
One of them goes directly across my crotch, but I am not embarrassed to have him help me there.
其中一根直接穿过我的胯部，但我并不因为让他帮我而感到尴尬。
I am beyond such modesties.
我超越了这样的谦虚。
"Tighter," I say.
“再紧一点，”我说。
He closes the cage and gives it a friendly tap.
他关上笼子，友好地拍了拍它。
"It'll be over before you know it," he says.
“在你意识到之前一切都会结束，”他说。
The cage tilts back and is locked into a release switch below.
笼子向后倾斜并锁定在下面的释放开关中。
We are facing directly upwards now.
我们现在正面朝上。
There are no stars.
没有星星。
They are blotted out by the lights of the boardwalk.
它们被木板路的灯光遮住了。
The towers hum as the cables tighten.
随着电缆收紧，塔楼发出嗡嗡声。
I take Katherine's hand.
我握住凯瑟琳的手。
"Pretend we're going into space," I say.
“假装我们要进入太空，”我说。
"That is not a comfort," she says.
“这不是一种安慰，”她说。
The hum grows very loud.
嗡嗡声变得很大。
The cables grow very tight.
电缆变得非常紧。
Katherine takes her hand back.
凯瑟琳收回了手。
She wants to hold the restraint.
她想保持克制。
A switch somewhere is thrown, and we go up.
某个地方的开关被拉动，我们就上去。
As metaphors for life and death on the boardwalk go, gambling in Atlantic City is pretty promising.
作为木板路上生与死的隐喻，大西洋城的赌博前景非常广阔。
But the Slingshot is better for two reasons.
但弹弓更好有两个原因。
One, though it is unlikely, it may actually kill you.
一，虽然可能性不大，但它实际上可能会杀了你。
And two, it reminds you that when you are close to death and intimate with it, when you are spinning fast and high in the dark night with nothing around you, it is difficult to tell what is happening.
第二，它提醒你，当你接近死亡并与它亲密接触时，当你在漆黑的夜晚快速而高高地旋转而周围什么也没有时，很难分辨发生了什么。
It is difficult to be afraid, far more difficult than it is on the ground.
害怕是很困难的，比在地面上困难得多。
John Hodgman runs The Little Gray Books Lecture Series in New York.
约翰·霍奇曼在纽约主持“小灰书”系列讲座。
His letter once appeared at openletters.net.
他的信曾出现在 openletters.net 上。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] You can download audio of our show at audible.com/thisamericanlife where they have Public Radio programs, best selling books, even the New York Times all at audible.com.
[鸣谢] 您可以在 audible.com/thisamericanlife 下载我们节目的音频，那里有公共广播节目、畅销书籍，甚至纽约时报，所有这些都在 audible.com 上。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia who finds himself fascinated, fascinated, by the phrase--
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理监督由 Torey Malatia 负责，他发现自己对这句话非常着迷——
Big, sloppy glops of poop.
大而稀的粪便。
Ira Glass I'm Ira Glass.
艾拉·格拉斯 我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。