222: Suckers - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #222 | September 27, 2002 222: Suckers Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 222 集 | 2002 年 9 月 27 日 222：傻瓜 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Here's the kind of thing that changes you from one kind of person into another.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 这是一种将你从一种人变成另一种人的事情。
Adam and Wendy had been looking for a house for years, which is what you have to do if you don't have a lot of money.
亚当和温迪多年来一直在寻找房子，如果你没有很多钱，这就是你必须做的事情。
And finally, they found this house that they liked.
最后，他们找到了自己喜欢的房子。
And the broker showed it to them before it came into the market, so the actually had a shot at getting the house.
经纪人在房子进入市场之前向他们展示了它，所以他们实际上有机会得到房子。
And then, they were completely ripped off, but ripped off in this way that seems almost calculated to get inside their very molecules and rip them off at the cellular level.
然后，它们被完全扯掉了，但是以这种方式被扯掉，似乎几乎是经过精心设计，进入它们的分子内部并在细胞水平上将它们扯掉。
The owners of the house, they were very warm and friendly with us, and--
房子的主人对我们非常热情友好，而且——
Paternal.
父亲般的。
Adam Paternal, they were very paternal.
Adam Paternal，他们非常像父亲。
In fact, they reminded me of my parents in a way.
事实上，他们在某种程度上让我想起了我的父母。
They were an academic couple.
他们是一对学术夫妇。
She seemed like an old hippie, which made me feel like, I don't know, she's pretty genuine.
她看起来像个老嬉皮士，这让我觉得，我不知道，她很真诚。
She wore clogs and just seemed kind of cool, and long gray hair, and--
她穿着木鞋，看起来有点酷，还有长长的灰色头发，而且——
They said to us at one point, "You know, we have great compassion for you two because we've got children your own age.
他们有一次对我们说：“你知道，我们对你们两个非常同情，因为我们有和你们同龄的孩子。
And so we have great compassion for what you're doing."
因此，我们对你们所做的事情深表同情。”
But it seemed really genuine at the time.
但当时看来确实是真的。
An inspector came and pointed out a few problems with the house.
一位检查员过来指出了房子的一些问题。
For instance, the owners had said that the roof was brand new.
例如，业主说屋顶是全新的。
But in fact, the inspector said, it had simply been painted silver and was a web of cracks and problems.
但检查员说，事实上，它只是被漆成了银色，而且布满了裂缝和问题。
The steps leading up to the house were being rebuilt, but the inspector said that the workmanship was no good.
通往房子的台阶正在重建，但检查员说做工不好。
It would not last the winter.
它不会持续冬天。
And then there was the question of the abandoned house next door.
还有隔壁废弃房屋的问题。
What was going to happen there?
那里会发生什么？
They understood that they knew nothing about it, nothing at all.
他们明白，他们对此一无所知，一无所知。
But might it affect the value of this house?
但这会影响这房子的价值吗？
The owners insisted on talking out the problems face-to-face.
业主们坚持面对面地讨论问题。
And they invited us over and gave us coffee.
他们邀请我们过来并给我们提供了咖啡。
And we sat right in this room.
我们就坐在这个房间里。
We sat right here.
我们就坐在这里。
I think we sat in their couch, which was where our couch now is.
我想我们坐在他们的沙发上，这就是我们现在的沙发所在的位置。
And we looked them in the eye, and they sat across from us.
我们看着他们的眼睛，他们坐在我们对面。
And that's when I got the first sense that they were playing us.
就在那时我第一次感觉到他们在玩弄我们。
They didn't believe the inspector.
他们不相信检查员。
They said, that's crazy, we have a new roof.
他们说，这太疯狂了，我们有新屋顶了。
And this guy that is doing the stoop is doing a very good job in fact.
事实上，这个弯腰的家伙做得非常好。
They made the point that the roof wasn't leaking on them.
他们指出屋顶没有漏水。
Therefore, it was not, as far as they were concerned, a problem.
因此，对于他们来说，这并不是一个问题。
Therefore, why should it really enter the negotiations?
那么，为什么要真正进入谈判呢？
Negotiations went back and forth for weeks.
谈判来回进行了数周。
Wendy and Adam barely got their way on anything.
温迪和亚当在任何事情上都几乎没有取得进展。
But they bought the house anyway because they knew that if they didn't, somebody else would.
但他们还是买了房子，因为他们知道如果他们不买，别人就会买。
They move in.
他们搬进来了。
And then, the very first time that it rains, streams of brown water come pouring into the house.
然后，第一次下雨时，棕色的水流涌入房子。
So the water started dripping from there, where you can see the brown stains.
所以水开始从那里滴下来，在那里你可以看到棕色的污渍。
Water was coming down here.
水从这里流下来。
The wall was bubbling out with a big pocket of water inside, and the plaster was falling.
墙壁正在冒泡，里面有一大袋水，灰泥也在掉落。
I just felt totally defeated when I saw that water.
当我看到那水时，我感到彻底失败。
I couldn't believe it, how they just kept saying, the roof is new, you guys are crazy.
我简直不敢相信，他们一直说，屋顶是新的，你们疯了。
You're totally overreacting.
你完全反应过度了。
You can't listen to contractors who tell you you need a new roof.
您不能听承包商告诉您需要新屋顶的意见。
Yeah, you need a new roof.
是的，你需要一个新屋顶。
Yeah, right.
是的，对。
Well, we've never had this.
嗯，我们从来没有这样过。
This place has never-- we never had a leak.
这个地方从来没有发生过泄漏。
And as soon as the water started, I started to really look at the ceiling.
水一开始，我就开始真正地看着天花板。
And I noticed that, wait a minute, you can see where it was leaking before.
我注意到，等一下，你可以看到之前泄漏的地方。
I had never noticed.
我从来没有注意到。
It was very subtle, just a little bit of yellowing.
它非常微妙，只是一点点泛黄。
And someone had repaired it.
并且已经有人修好了。
So they did lie to us.
所以他们确实对我们撒了谎。
The second day they were in the house, Adam was walking up the steps to the front door, and he heard a sound, the steps cracking under his feet.
他们进屋的第二天，亚当正走上前门的台阶，他听到有声音，台阶在他脚下嘎吱作响。
Their first weekend in the house, they woke up to a different sound, the sound of jackhammers.
他们在家里的第一个周末，醒来时听到了一种不同的声音，手提钻的声音。
It turns out that not only was there construction starting on the house next door, it would extend that house 15 feet back, blocking out all of the western sunlight from Adam and Wendy's backyard.
事实证明，隔壁的房子不仅要开始施工，而且还要将房子向后延伸 15 英尺，遮挡亚当和温迪后院所有西边的阳光。
And if that were not enough, neighbors informed them that the previous owners knew all about it, in fact, had led an organizing drive on the block to stop this construction.
如果这还不够，邻居们告诉他们，以前的业主知道这一切，事实上，他们已经在街区组织起来阻止这项建设。
And what makes the whole thing so galling is they're still living in the home of the people who took advantage of them.
而让整件事如此令人恼火的是，他们仍然住在那些利用他们的人的家里。
Every day, they're reminded of these people.
每天，他们都会想起这些人。
They smell their smell in the closet.
他们在壁橱里闻到了自己的气味。
When the drains back up, it's their hair and grease.
当排水管回流时，剩下的就是他们的头发和油脂。
We've gone through the house, over all the surfaces with razor blades, scraping off the fingerprints and the dirt.
我们把整个房子都搜遍了，用刀片刮掉了所有表面，刮掉了指纹和污垢。
And it's obsessive.
而且是痴迷的。
We've gotten overly meticulous about it.
我们对此过于谨慎了。
But every time I open those doors over there, I think of them.
但每次我打开那边的门时，我都会想起它们。
I think of their greasy hands, every time, even though I have scrubbed.
每次我都会想起他们油腻腻的手，尽管我已经擦洗过了。
In fact, over here, you can see I became really crazy, and I started scrubbing these cabinets.
事实上，在这里，你可以看到我变得非常疯狂，我开始擦洗这些橱柜。
And I actually got the finish off of it, I was scrubbing so hard.
我真的完成了它，我擦得很用力。
Now, Wendy and Adam, I should say, are the sort of do-gooders who, when they move out of an apartment they've been renting, they'll hire a cleaner to make sure that the place is spotless for the next tenants.
现在，我应该说，温迪和亚当是那种行善者，当他们搬出他们租用的公寓时，他们会聘请一名清洁工，以确保这个地方对于下一个房客来说一尘不染。
When they sell a car, they get that extra brake job for $600 before putting it on the market, not because they necessarily think it'll get a better price, and usually it does not, but because they think that it is right.
当他们卖一辆车时，他们会在将其投放市场之前以 600 美元的价格获得额外的刹车工作，并不是因为他们一定认为它会得到更好的价格，通常情况下也不会，而是因为他们认为这是正确的。
They believe in deals where everybody walks away feeling like the deal was fair.
他们相信这样的交易，每个人离开时都感觉交易是公平的。
Or anyway, that's the kind of people they used to be before they bought a house.
或者无论如何，他们在买房子之前就是这样的人。
That's changed the way I deal with people now.
这改变了我现在与人相处的方式。
I'm bitter about it.
我对此很痛苦。
I don't trust anyone anymore.
我不再相信任何人了。
In every negotiation, the way you see it now is, somebody's going to be the sucker.
在每一次谈判中，你现在看到的方式是，有人会成为傻瓜。
Yeah, I feel that way now.
是的，我现在也有这种感觉。
I feel that there's a winner and a loser.
我觉得有赢家和输家。
That you're either going to get screwed by somebody, or you're screwing somebody.
你要么会被某人搞砸，要么你正在搞砸别人。
Just last weekend, they went to a big home supplies hardware chain, a chain where they have gotten terrible advice in the past, terrible service.
就在上周末，他们去了一家大型家居用品五金连锁店，他们过去在这家连锁店得到了糟糕的建议和糟糕的服务。
They needed some bolts.
他们需要一些螺栓。
And, filled with anger and a spirit of vengeance, they simply stole them.
他们充满愤怒和复仇精神，干脆偷走了它们。
The opportunity presented itself.
机会自然而然出现了。
They took advantage.
他们利用了这一点。
And my friend, it felt good to steal.
我的朋友，偷东西的感觉真好。
It felt good to make somebody else the sucker.
让别人成为傻瓜的感觉真好。
They think they're going to do it again.
他们认为他们会再次这样做。
That is what they have learned from the previous owners of their house.
这是他们从房子的前任主人那里学到的。
Well, from WBEZ Chicago, it is This American Life, distributed by Public Radio International.
嗯，来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的节目是《美国生活》，由国际公共广播电台发行。
Today on our program, Suckers.
今天我们的节目《傻瓜》。
There are some people who see the world as a place where everybody can work out their differences and come to settlements, where everybody is happy, everybody getting along.
有些人认为世界是一个每个人都可以解决分歧并达成和解的地方，每个人都快乐，每个人都和睦相处。
And there are people who believe it's eat or be eaten, screw or be screwed.
还有人相信这是吃或被吃，拧或被拧。
Today, the chasm that divides those two worldviews.
今天，这两种世界观之间存在鸿沟。
They both can't be right.
他们俩都不对。
Either the world is dog-eat-dog or not.
这个世界要么是狗咬狗，要么不是。
Today, we try to figure out which it is.
今天，我们试图找出它是什么。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, No Receipt, No Surrender.
第一幕，不收据，不投降。
Perhaps you're familiar with the story of a certain New Jersey family.
也许您熟悉新泽西州某个家庭的故事。
They live in a lovely suburban home.
他们住在郊区一栋漂亮的房子里。
The neighbors have no idea how all the nice stuff they own arrives there, or if they suspect, they keep their mouths shut.
邻居们不知道他们拥有的所有好东西是如何到达那里的，或者如果他们怀疑，他们也会闭嘴。
The attitude of the head of the household, sometimes there are opportunities to take, and you take them.
一家之主的态度，有时候有机会，你就抓住。
Or maybe you don't know the family I'm talking about.
或者也许你不认识我正在谈论的家庭。
I wouldn't even call it a crime.
我什至不会称其为犯罪。
People do it all the time.
人们一直这样做。
This is a woman who asked to be identified only by her first name, Sheila, for reasons that will become all too clear to you.
这位女士要求只透露她的名字希拉，其原因您会非常清楚。
I should say that she does not make a living off of her little random opportunities.
我应该说，她并不是靠她那点随机机会谋生的。
Her husband is a doctor, and he supports the family.
她的丈夫是一名医生，他养家糊口。
But she embodies the kind of worldview that we're talking about in this week's show.
但她体现了我们在本周的节目中讨论的那种世界观。
She's the sort of person who talks hotels into giving her discounts when, really, they have no reason to, who shows up at famous restaurants where she has no reservation, sneaks a look at the names in the reservation book, and then claims to be one of the people listed in order to be seated right away.
她是那种说服酒店给她折扣的人，实际上他们没有理由这样做，她出现在她没有预订的著名餐厅，偷偷看了一下预订簿上的名字，然后声称自己是列出的人之一，以便立即入座。
She's talked her way into sold-out events.
她凭借自己的说服力参加了售空活动。
She's talked her way into the Getty Museum.
她通过谈话进入了盖蒂博物馆。
Here's a typical scam.
这是一个典型的骗局。
I had been shopping with my older daughter.
我一直在和我的大女儿一起购物。
And I insisted that she buy this most gorgeous Geoffrey Beene outfit that had the Saks Fifth Avenue hangtag price of, I think, $3,800.
我坚持要她买这套最华丽的杰弗里·比尼 (Geoffrey Beene) 服装，上面有萨克斯第五大道 (Saks Fifth Avenue) 吊牌，我认为价格为 3,800 美元。
And at Loehmann's, it was, oh, about $200.
在 Loehmann's，大约是 200 美元。
And I said, "Oh, Susan, you really have to have this."
我说：“哦，苏珊，你真的必须拥有这个。”
OK, well, she took it, and, of course, as luck would have it, she never put it on her back.
好吧，好吧，她拿着它，当然，幸运的是，她从来没有把它背在背上。
About a year or so later, I said to my husband, "Would you mind detouring into the city, and we'll go to the Geoffrey Beene boutique at Saks?" And he said, OK.
大约一年后，我对丈夫说：“你介意绕道进城，我们去萨克斯百货 (Saks) 的杰弗里·比尼 (Geoffrey Beene) 精品店吗？”他说，好吧。
He doesn't generally approve of things like this, but I really didn't tell him what the purpose was.
他一般不赞成这样的事情，但我确实没有告诉他这样做的目的是什么。
So I took the garment upstairs to the boutique, and I spoke to the buyer, told them that this had been purchased at another Saks, and I would like to return it.
于是我把衣服拿到楼上的精品店，和买家交谈，告诉他们这是在另一家 Saks 购买的，我想退货。
And he said, "That's not a problem." And he looked at the hangtag, and he said, "Well, the item has been marked down.
他说：“这不是问题。”他看了看吊牌，说道：“嗯，这件商品已经降价了。
It's now, I think, about $2,200."
我认为现在大约是 2,200 美元。”
No longer $3,800.
不再是 3,800 美元。
Sheila Right.
希拉 对。
I said, "Well, that's all right.
我说：“好吧，没关系。
Just credit my account."
只需存入我的帐户即可。”
That was a $2,000 profit.
那是 2,000 美元的利润。
You paid $200 for it at Loehmann's.
你在 Loehmann's 花了 200 美元买下它。
Right, right, right.
对，对，对。
Ira Glass Now, your daughter Jen is sitting in the studio with you.
Ira Glass 现在，您的女儿 Jen 和您一起坐在工作室里。
Jen, do you just want to give your perspective on this, what this was like growing up with this happening all the time?
Jen，你想谈谈你对这件事的看法吗？在这种情况不断发生的情况下长大是什么感觉？
I knew from a very young age that my mother wasn't necessarily like other mothers.
我从很小的时候就知道我的母亲不一定像其他母亲一样。
My mother had a very large Country Squire station wagon when I was growing up.
在我成长的过程中，我母亲有一辆非常大的乡村乡绅旅行车。
And oftentimes, the back of the car would be filled with things that were not illegally gotten, but certainly questionably gotten.
通常情况下，汽车后座会装满不是非法获得的东西，但肯定是可疑的。
I remember very clearly when I was very young, there was a promotion at a bank.
我记得很清楚，当我很小的时候，一家银行有升职。
And if you opened a checking account, you could get, I think, one blender or one toaster, one of something.
如果你开了一个支票账户，我想你可以得到一台搅拌机或一台烤面包机之类的东西。
But my mother thought, well, why get one, when I could open multiple checking accounts and get a whole bunch of them?
但我母亲想，既然我可以开设多个支票账户并获得一大堆支票账户，为什么要买一个呢？
And I remember returning to our house, I must have been maybe five or six, with the trunk filled with these blenders or toasters.
我记得回到我们家时，我大概五六岁，行李箱里装满了这些搅拌机或烤面包机。
And we already had a blender and a toaster.
我们已经有了搅拌机和烤面包机。
We didn't need multiples.
我们不需要倍数。
But my mother has built this warehouse in our basement where she literally outfitted the homes of all of my cousins, who are all older than I am.
但我母亲在我们的地下室建造了这个仓库，她在那里为我所有的表兄弟姐妹的房屋配备了家具，他们都比我年长。
I don't think anybody bought anything off the shelf.
我认为没有人买过现成的东西。
How often will you do something like this?
你多久会做一次这样的事情？
Will you have something like this going, say, once a week or so?
你会举办类似的活动吗，比如说，每周一次左右？
Mom, I would say, conservatively, 24 times a year, you've got some scam running.
妈妈，我想说，保守地说，一年有 24 次骗局。
What else has your mom done that you could never see yourself doing, when it comes to these kinds of things?
当涉及到这些事情时，你妈妈还做了哪些你永远看不到自己在做的事情？
Yeah, the Getty was a big one.
是的，盖蒂博物馆是个大博物馆。
My mother and I were at a wedding in California, in Los Angeles, and my mother very much wanted to go to the Getty.
我和我母亲在加利福尼亚州洛杉矶参加一场婚礼，我母亲非常想去盖蒂博物馆。
And I was keen on going to the Getty, but knew that you have two options.
我很想去盖蒂博物馆，但我知道你有两个选择。
You either make a reservation months in advance to get a parking space, or you park at the bottom of a hill and take a bus up, which seems to me not the worst thing in the world.
你要么提前几个月预订以获得停车位，要么把车停在山脚下然后乘坐公共汽车上山，在我看来，这并不是世界上最糟糕的事情。
But my mother says to the attendant, we're on the list.
但我妈妈对服务员说，我们在名单上。
We're staying at the Bel Air, and I believe the concierge made a reservation.
我们住在贝莱尔酒店，我相信礼宾部已经预订了房间。
I should be on the list.
我应该在名单上。
We have a parking space.
我们有一个停车位。
And clearly, we have not made a reservation.
显然，我们还没有预订。
I know we have not made a reservation.
我知道我们还没有预订。
And I am livid.
我很生气。
And we drive in, and that was a very tense moment.
我们开车进去，那是一个非常紧张的时刻。
And then, what are you saying to him to--
然后，你要对他说什么——
Oh, but it's not possible.
哦，但这不可能。
These reservations were made six months ago.
这些预订是六个月前做出的。
I would not just show up here without a reservation.
我不会在没有预约的情况下就出现在这里。
Do I look like that kind of a person?
我看起来像这样的人吗？
With me rolling my eyes next to her.
我在她旁边翻白眼。
How he didn't see that and know that this was a scam, I have no idea.
我不知道他怎么没有看到这一点并且知道这是一个骗局。
I happen to look like a very honorable, decent sort of a person.
我碰巧看起来是一个非常值得尊敬、正派的人。
But I have found a way to get around the system, which many people are reluctant to do.
但我找到了一种绕过该系统的方法，但很多人都不愿意这样做。
And will you just keep going until they give you what you want?
你会继续前进直到他们给你你想要的吗？
Or will you stop at some point?
或者你会在某个时候停下来吗？
Yes, I am very tenacious.
是的，我很顽强。
Ira Glass And so your method is you just don't stop.
Ira Glass：所以你的方法就是不要停止。
Right, because I won't take no for an answer.
是的，因为我不会接受“不”的答案。
I just wear the person down, I suppose.
我想我只是让这个人疲惫不堪。
And very often, it doesn't take very long.
很多时候，这并不需要很长时间。
For you, it's not about the money.
对你来说，这不是钱的问题。
It's just that it's like a sport for you, right?
只是这对你来说就像是一项运动，对吧？
It definitely is.
绝对是。
It certainly is not about the money.
这当然不是钱的问题。
My dad was a very successful executive.
我的父亲是一位非常成功的高管。
And he always said to me, if you walk into a place and hold your head up high, nobody will ever question because you look as though you belong where you are.
他总是对我说，如果你走进一个地方并昂首挺胸，没有人会质疑，因为你看起来就像属于你所在的地方。
And that has served me in good stead.
这对我很有帮助。
Wherever I have wanted to get into, I have been successful in getting in.
无论我想进入什么地方，我都已经成功进入了。
Jen, do you sort of go too far in the other direction?
Jen，你是不是在另一个方向上走得太远了？
You'll pay double.
你要付双倍的钱。
Jen If something's going on sale tomorrow, that's OK.
Jen：如果明天有东西打折，那没关系。
You know what?
你知道吗？
I'll pay what it costs today.
我会支付今天的费用。
It's fine.
没关系。
Don't worry about it.
别担心。
I always overtip.
我总是多给小费。
Yeah.
是的。
I can't tell, hearing you talk about this, do you wish you were more like your mom?
我不知道，听你说起这件事，你是否希望自己更像你妈妈？
In a lot of ways, I really do.
在很多方面，我确实如此。
Because she's fearless.
因为她无所畏惧。
And sometimes I think, like when I'm working, if I had my mother's steel stomach, I would probably be much better at what I do.
有时我想，比如当我工作的时候，如果我有我母亲的钢铁般的胃，我可能会做得更好。
Or conversely, she would be really good at what I do.
或者相反，她会非常擅长我所做的事情。
But I just don't have it in me.
但我就是没有这样的能力。
Well, after our interview, since Jen said that she wished that she were more like her mom, we got the idea to have Jen's mom give her a little lesson, a training exercise in being her.
好吧，在我们采访之后，既然珍说她希望自己更像她的妈妈，我们就想到让珍的妈妈给她上一堂课，一个关于成为她的训练。
Here it is.
这里是。
Here's Jen.
这是珍。
We decided to try something simple.
我们决定尝试一些简单的事情。
My assignment was to return a bright yellow sweater my boyfriend had received as a gift four years ago.
我的任务是归还男友四年前收到的一件亮黄色毛衣。
It was from a high-end clothing store called Burberry.
它来自一家名为巴宝莉（Burberry）的高档服装店。
It was the type of sweater that might have been appropriate on a public golf course in Scotland in the mid-'80s.
这种毛衣可能适合 80 年代中期苏格兰的公共高尔夫球场。
Suffice it to say, I hated the sweater.
我只想说，我讨厌这件毛衣。
This is what we had working for us.
这就是我们为我们所做的工作。
The sweater had originally been purchased at Burberry and had a Burberry label.
这件毛衣最初是在 Burberry 购买的，并带有 Burberry 标签。
There was even paper folded into the sweater, printed with the trademark logo.
甚至还有纸折进毛衣里，上面印着商标标志。
On the downside, we had no receipt and no hangtag.
不利的一面是，我们没有收据，也没有吊牌。
And of course, the sweater was four years out of fashion and looked it, none of which fazed my mother.
当然，这件毛衣已经过时四年了，而且看上去也很时尚，但这些都没有让我母亲感到困扰。
In fact, she thought the whole thing so easy, she decided to up the ante.
事实上，她认为整件事很简单，所以她决定加大赌注。
She wanted me to try for a cash refund instead of a store credit.
她希望我尝试现金退款而不是商店积分。
She was going to show me how.
她要向我展示如何做。
My mom showed up at my office wearing a crisply pressed blouse, gigantic Jackie O sunglasses, and a pair of knockoff Burberry plaid pants that simultaneously embodied her two biggest beliefs in life.
我妈妈出现在我的办公室，穿着一件挺括的衬衫，戴着巨大的 Jackie O 太阳镜和一条仿制的 Burberry 格子裤，这同时体现了她人生中两个最大的信念。
Always dress the part, and never pay full price.
始终穿着得体，永远不要支付全价。
The training session started with some role-playing.
培训课程从一些角色扮演开始。
OK, so I'll be me, and you'll be the Burberry's manager.
好吧，我就是我，你就是 Burberry 的经理。
Hi, I have this sweater that my boyfriend got as a gift a couple of years ago.
你好，我有这件毛衣，是我男朋友几年前收到的礼物。
I don't know that I would say a couple of years ago.
我不知道几年前我会这么说。
I wouldn't say when it was purchased.
我不会说它是什么时候买的。
Play dumb.
装傻。
He just gave it to you because you were going to be in New York and asked that you return it.
他只是把它给你，因为你要去纽约，并要求你归还它。
OK, so we'll start over again.
好吧，那我们就重新开始吧。
Hi, I'd like to return this sweater.
你好，我想退回这件毛衣。
That's good.
那挺好的。
That's good.
那挺好的。
I like that.
我喜欢这样。
Yes, my dear, how can I help you?
是的，亲爱的，我能为你做什么吗？
This isn't the way my mother usually works.
这不是我妈妈通常的工作方式。
She believes in pure improv.
她相信纯粹的即兴创作。
But for my benefit, she concocts a backstory for me.
但为了我的利益，她给我编造了一个背景故事。
It's astonishingly complicated.
事情复杂得惊人。
Apparently, I live in Arkansas with my Arkansas businessman boyfriend, who got this sweater as a gift, along with a lot of other Burberry clothing.
显然，我和我的阿肯色州商人男朋友住在阿肯色州，他得到了这件毛衣作为礼物，还有很多其他巴宝莉服装。
Anyone who knows him knows it's his favorite store.
认识他的人都知道，这是他最喜欢的商店。
I'm only in town for a day, and I rarely come to New York, so I want cash, not credit.
我只在城里待一天，而且很少来纽约，所以我想要现金，而不是信用卡。
And by the way, I don't know when the sweater was purchased, but he received it recently.
顺便说一句，我不知道这件毛衣是什么时候买的，但他最近收到了。
It's such a crazy collection of facts that I have a hard time keeping it all straight.
这是一堆疯狂的事实，我很难把它全部理清。
OK, so from the top, here's what I'm remembering.
好的，从上面开始，这就是我所记得的。
I live in Arkansas.
我住在阿肯色州。
My boyfriend lives in Arkansas.
我男朋友住在阿肯色州。
He's in business in Arkansas.
他在阿肯色州做生意。
He doesn't travel to New York.
他不去纽约旅行。
I understand that it's--
我明白这是——
What's the importance of the phrase "has no occasion"?
“无缘无故”这句话有何重要性？
Because it makes him sound like maybe he is a more important kind of a person, rather than some yokel.
因为这让他听起来像是一个更重要的人，而不是某个乡巴佬。
Make him sound like he's a CEO of some major company, but likes small town living and does not like the city and doesn't feel comfortable--
让他听起来像是某大公司的CEO，但喜欢小镇生活，不喜欢城市，感觉不舒服——
This is method scamming.
这是方法诈骗。
We head over to Burberry's.
我们前往巴宝莉 (Burberry)。
I'm wearing a hidden microphone, and my stomach immediately starts to hurt.
我戴着隐藏式麦克风，我的胃立即开始疼痛。
OK, so I'm from Arkansas, and I'm only visiting.
好的，我来自阿肯色州，只是来拜访。
Burberry is a sleek, luxe store filled with coiffed salespeople and stylish Japanese tourists.
巴宝莉 (Burberry) 是一家时尚的豪华商店，店里挤满了精心打扮的销售人员和时尚的日本游客。
There's plenty of taupe cashmere muffling the sound system.
有大量的灰褐色羊绒使音响系统消声。
Everything is ordered, serene.
一切都井然有序，平静。
I'm directed to the manager.
我被引导去见经理。
I have a sweater that my boyfriend received as a gift.
我有一件毛衣，是我男朋友收到的礼物。
And we live out of state.
我们住在州外。
And he asked me to return it while I'm in New York.
他让我在纽约时归还它。
The manager barely glances at me as he informs me of their policy.
经理在向我介绍他们的政策时几乎没有看我一眼。
No receipt, no returns, no exceptions.
没有收据，没有退货，没有例外。
I muster up the courage to try again and instantly forget every lesson my mother taught me.
我鼓起勇气再试一次，立刻就忘记了妈妈教我的每一堂课。
I volunteer information.
我自愿提供信息。
I say things that could be used against me.
我说的话可能会用来对付我。
I can't keep the facts of my fake story straight.
我无法澄清我的假故事的事实。
It's possible it was purchased a little while ago.
它可能是不久前购买的。
I don't have a receipt.
我没有收据。
And I'm actually not even sure who he got it from.
事实上我什至不确定他是从谁那里得到的。
So I'm not-- yeah, I have no idea to tell you the truth.
所以我不——是的，我不知道告诉你真相。
He got a whole bunch of presents.
他收到了一大堆礼物。
I don't know.
我不知道。
All I want to do is get out of there.
我想做的就是离开那里。
The guy is, after all, just doing his job.
毕竟，这家伙只是在做他的工作。
No receipt, no returns, no exception.
没有收据，没有退货，没有例外。
I nod feebly and wonder why we don't just give the sweater to Goodwill.
我无力地点点头，想知道为什么我们不把这件毛衣直接送给慈善机构。
I can feel that it's killing my mom to see me struggle like this, but she's trying to hold back.
我能感觉到，看到我这样挣扎，我妈妈很伤心，但她试图忍住。
Finally the manager says, look, for all he knows, the sweater wasn't even bought at this store.
最后经理说，看，据他所知，这件毛衣根本不是在这家商店买的。
It could have just come from some outlet.
它可能只是来自某个出口。
And that does it.
就这样了。
My mom, unable to contain herself any longer, steps in.
妈妈再也按捺不住了，介入了。
Oh, I can assure you that this was not purchased at an outlet.
哦，我可以向你保证，这不是在专卖店购买的。
I don't know about outlets, because I'm not an outlet shopper.
我不了解奥特莱斯，因为我不是奥特莱斯购物者。
My mom saying she's not an outlet shopper is like saying she's not an air breather.
我妈妈说她不是直销店购物者，就像说她不是空气呼吸者一样。
My mom spends all of five minutes dealing with the manager before deciding it's a waste of time.
我妈妈花了五分钟与经理打交道，然后才认为这是浪费时间。
Her cardinal rule is if you want something done right, you have to go straight to the top.
她的基本原则是，如果你想把事情做好，你就必须直接登上顶峰。
Positioning herself firmly in front of the store's only cash register, she pulls out her cell phone and calls Burberry corporate headquarters.
她稳稳地站在商店唯一的收银台前，拿出手机给博柏利公司总部打电话。
Hi.
你好。
I'm sorry to bother you.
很抱歉打扰您。
I'm trying to help my daughter's boyfriend.
我正在努力帮助我女儿的男朋友。
I want to climb into the revolving rack of raincoats and disappear.
我想爬进雨衣旋转架然后消失。
And then when he heard that my daughter was coming to New York, he asked her to bring it back to any one of the Burberry stores.
然后当他听说我女儿要来纽约时，他让她把它带回任何一家巴宝莉商店。
The lies fell from her like notes in an improvisational jazz saxophone solo.
谎言从她身上落下，就像即兴爵士萨克斯管独奏中的音符一样。
She's on a tear, and she will stop at nothing.
她热泪盈眶，不惜一切代价。
No, he received a whole bunch of gifts from Burberry.
不，他收到了巴宝莉的一大堆礼物。
It happens to be his favorite store.
这恰好是他最喜欢的商店。
And your manager can tell you that I'm wearing one of your pairs of pants today coincidentally.
你的经理可以告诉你，我今天碰巧穿了你的一条裤子。
Also coincidentally, people are starting to clear away from us.
同样巧合的是，人们开始远离我们。
I'm sure the only thing the manager would attest to at this point is that he wants me, my mother, and her fake, Burberry, plaid pants the hell out of there.
我确信经理此时唯一能证明的就是他希望我、我的母亲和她的假巴宝莉格子裤离开那里。
Well, he's in Arkansas.
嗯，他在阿肯色州。
I'm here in New York with the sweater.
我带着这件毛衣来到了纽约。
You know, there is a time difference between here and Arkansas.
你知道，这里和阿肯色州之间有时差。
It's 12:00 in New York, which makes it 11:00 in Arkansas.
纽约的时间为 12:00，阿肯色州的时间为 11:00。
Well, I have been in many situations in my life, from Chanel to Givenchy, and I have never had a situation like this.
嗯，我一生经历过很多情况，从香奈儿到纪梵希，但我从来没有遇到过这样的情况。
I am a faithful Burberry shopper.
我是 Burberry 的忠实购物者。
Well, because I'm leaving the city today.
嗯，因为我今天要离开这个城市。
I'm going out of state.
我要出州了
And I probably won't be back for another year, so I was hoping--
我可能再过一年就不会回来了，所以我希望——
She's on the phone for over 20 minutes.
她打电话已经20多分钟了。
Burberry's return policy is designed precisely with people like my mother in mind.
Burberry 的退货政策正是为像我母亲这样的人而设计的。
They just keep repeating over and over, no receipt, no returns, no exceptions.
他们只是一遍又一遍地重复，没有收据，没有退货，没有例外。
At this point, I'm surprised to find that I'm getting mad.
此时，我惊讶地发现我生气了。
The nerve of them.
他们的神经。
After an hour and a half, we finally leave, defeated.
一个半小时后，我们终于离开了，心灰意冷。
I think you did really well, Mom.
我认为你做得很好，妈妈。
I couldn't have-- I gave up.
我不能——我放弃了。
I was dying inside.
我内心快要死了。
I was definitely like, oh, God.
我当时肯定是，哦，上帝。
Just get us out of here.
带我们离开这里吧
I don't want this mean man looking at me like this anymore.
我不想再让这个卑鄙的人用这样的眼神看着我了。
I feel ridiculous.
我觉得可笑。
I don't know what-- I'm trying to feel what a person from Arkansas would be feeling.
我不知道是什么——我正在尝试感受一个来自阿肯色州的人会有何感受。
I'm no help at all.
我根本帮不上忙。
I really think that since everything jived, the label-- they didn't have a hangtag.
我真的认为，既然一切都混乱了，那么标签——他们就没有吊牌。
Well, maybe that's the way they wrap their gifts, without a hangtag.
嗯，也许这就是他们包装礼物的方式，没有吊牌。
Hear that?
听到了吗？
That's why I think my mom is so good at this.
这就是为什么我认为我妈妈在这方面很擅长。
She truly believed she was in the right.
她坚信自己是对的。
She was actually furious at Burberry for not falling for her lies.
她实际上对博柏利（Burberry）没有相信她的谎言感到愤怒。
She tells me this is unheard of.
她告诉我这是闻所未闻的。
They've just lost a valuable customer.
他们刚刚失去了一位有价值的客户。
Never mind that she was never an actual customer in the first place.
别介意她一开始就不是真正的顾客。
Later, back at the office, she chalks up our failure to one small strategic mistake.
后来，回到办公室，她将我们的失败归咎于一个小小的战略错误。
The reason we didn't get satisfaction is because he knew that my pants were knockoffs.
我们之所以不满意，是因为他知道我的裤子是假货。
I think so too.
我也这么认为。
I think you pushed it there.
我想你把它推到那里了。
I think that's where we lost our credibility.
我认为这就是我们失去信誉的地方。
It was a good try, Mom.
这是一次很好的尝试，妈妈。
It was a good effort.
这是一个很好的努力。
What started as a lark for me, a little mother-daughter bonding time, escalated far beyond that for her.
一开始对我来说只是为了好玩，母女之间的亲密时光，对她来说却远远超出了这个范围。
It was now a question of honor.
现在这是一个荣誉问题。
She shot off letters to the CEO, the CFO, and, to leave no stone unturned, the mayor of New York.
她给首席执行官、首席财务官写了一封信，并且不遗余力地给纽约市长写了信。
She refused to read these letters to me, and I'm terrified to imagine what she said.
她拒绝给我读这些信，我不敢想象她说的话。
They must have been some letters though.
但它们肯定是一些字母。
The salesman called a week later to say that they were still working on the return.
一周后，销售人员打电话说他们仍在处理退货事宜。
He called a few days after that to tell her that there was a credit waiting for her in the Spring Street store.
几天后，他打电话告诉她，斯普林街商店里有一笔积分在等她。
They credited us for $59, which was brilliant on their part, because they paid less than the sweater was worth while getting my mother out of their hair forever.
他们给了我们 59 美元，这对他们来说真是太棒了，因为他们付的钱比这件毛衣的价值还低，却让我母亲永远摆脱了他们的困扰。
Honestly, if they paid her a dollar, she'd have declared victory.
老实说，如果他们付给她一美元，她就会宣布胜利。
The problem now is I can't go get the credit, because I'm supposed to be in Arkansas.
现在的问题是我不能去获得荣誉，因为我应该在阿肯色州。
Not only that, but the store is just three blocks from my job.
不仅如此，这家商店距离我工作的地方只有三个街区。
I'm so afraid they'll recognize me, I try to avoid their street completely.
我很害怕他们会认出我，所以我尽量避开他们的街道。
When I can't, I cross the street, so they won't see me.
当我不能时，我会过马路，这样他们就不会看到我。
I know my mom wouldn't hesitate to stroll right by.
我知道我妈妈会毫不犹豫地走过来。
Act Two, The Stereo Type.
第二幕，立体声类型。
The sucker worldview is that when an opportunity presents itself, you and I should grab that opportunity.
傻瓜的世界观是，当机会出现时，你和我应该抓住这个机会。
And if we do not, we are suckers.
如果我们不这样做，我们就是傻瓜。
Unfortunately, this mentality could also lead us to become big suckers because, of course, there is no better mark than somebody who thinks that he is about to beat the system.
不幸的是，这种心态也可能导致我们成为大傻瓜，因为当然，没有比那些认为自己即将击败这个体系的人更好的标志了。
There's no bigger sucker than somebody who thinks that he is about to make someone else into a sucker.
没有比一个认为自己要把别人变成傻瓜的人更傻的了。
Well, with that in mind, we have this little fable about suckerdom from our producer, Alex Blumberg.
好吧，考虑到这一点，我们的制作人亚历克斯·布隆伯格（Alex Blumberg）讲了一个关于傻瓜的小寓言。
My friend Shane has this story about being a sucker and then getting the chance to get revenge on the people who suckered him.
我的朋友肖恩有一个故事，讲述的是自己是一个傻瓜，然后有机会向那些傻瓜他的人报仇。
It starts when he was just 23.
事情要从他23岁那年说起。
He had gotten one of his first adult paychecks, which seemed huge at the time.
他拿到了人生中的第一笔成人薪水，这在当时看来是一笔巨款。
He was wearing a new suit that he'd bought with the money.
他穿着一套新衣服，是他用钱买的。
He was walking down the street, thinking, this adult life is a breeze.
他走在街上，心想，成年人的生活是轻而易举的。
Never before or since did he feel that the world was such a benevolent and bountiful place.
他从来没有觉得这个世界如此仁慈、如此丰富。
And I'm approached by a van full of young guys in their, say, 20s.
一辆面包车向我走来，里面满是 20 多岁的年轻人。
And it's got a stencil on the side.
侧面有一个模板。
And they approach me, and they're like, "Hey, buddy.
他们走近我，然后说：“嘿，伙计。
You want to buy some speakers?" And these guys really have it together.
你想买一些音箱吗？”这些家伙真的在一起了。
They're in uniforms.
他们穿着制服。
They have their names on the thing.
他们在东西上有他们的名字。
The van is stenciled with the name of some company.
货车上印有某公司的名称。
And these aren't speakers that they've just pulled out of someone's living room, and the wires are dangling.
这些扬声器并不是他们刚从某人的客厅里拿出来的，而且电线悬在空中。
They're boxed.
它们是盒装的。
They're packaged.
它们是包装好的。
They have shipping invoices.
他们有运输发票。
They have a whole clipboard full of delivery sites and inventory and this.
他们有一个完整的剪贴板，里面装满了交货地点和库存等等。
And they have this whole spiel.
他们有完整的演讲。
And the spiel is, "Dude, you know, we're, like, the delivery guys.
演讲是，“伙计，你知道，我们就像送货员。
And the dudes at the loading dock put too many speakers on the truck.
装货码头的伙计们在卡车上安装了太多扬声器。
And if we get rid of these before we get back, nobody knows, dude.
如果我们在回来之前把这些处理掉，没有人知道，伙计。
Dude, we're just trying to unload these fast." And then it's like, "These are $1,200 speakers.
伙计，我们只是想快速卸下这些。”然后就像是，“这些扬声器售价 1,200 美元。
We'll give them to you for five bills, buddy."
我们会花五块钱给你，伙计。”
Shane played along, acted like he's down, he's been through this before, he's one of them.
肖恩配合着，表现得好像他很沮丧，他以前经历过这种事，他是他们中的一员。
We're all dudes.
我们都是帅哥。
We all know, we all speak that language.
我们都知道，我们都说这种语言。
So I say, "Well, I want to hear them." So at this point, I'm just out of college, about two, three months.
所以我说：“好吧，我想听听他们的声音。”现在，我刚刚大学毕业，大约两三个月。
And I am living at my mother's house.
而且我住在我妈妈家里。
And we're pretty far away from there.
而且我们离那里还很远。
She lives in the suburbs.
她住在郊区。
We're in the city.
我们在城里。
So I say, "Well, if you want to follow me, we can go try them out." And they're like, "All right."
所以我说，“好吧，如果你想跟着我，我们可以去尝试一下。”他们就像，“好吧。”
And so they follow me all the way back to my mother's house, which is a significant drive.
所以他们一路跟着我回到我母亲的房子，这是一个重要的驱动力。
And I get to my mom's house.
然后我就到了我妈妈家。
And I'm looking at their setup, because I'm trying to think, can I plug the speakers in here to listen?
我正在查看他们的设置，因为我在想，我可以将扬声器插在这里听吗？
And I can't.
而我不能。
There's not enough wire to take it out of the wall.
没有足够的电线将其从墙上拉出来。
They follow me to the audio store.
他们跟着我去了音响店。
And I buy some speaker wire.
我还买了一些扬声器线。
And we bring it home.
我们把它带回家。
These guys are tenacious.
这些家伙很顽强。
If this is a scam, these guys are wasting a lot of time.
如果这是一个骗局，这些人就浪费了很多时间。
It's getting harder to imagine it's a scam the longer they stick with it.
他们坚持的时间越长，就越难以想象这是一个骗局。
And I bring one of the speakers inside.
我把其中一台扬声器带进去。
And I plug it in.
我将其插入。
And it sounds, it just sounds fine.
听起来，听起来不错。
It doesn't sound one way or another.
听起来不是这样或那样。
And I go out and I say, "It sounds good, I guess." And they've got it in your mind that it's going to just blow you away.
我走出去说：“我想这听起来不错。”他们已经在你心里意识到，这会让你大吃一惊。
And I think I even said something mildly, not critical, but just unimpressed, like, "The low end sounds a little mushy."
我想我什至说了一些温和的话，不是批评，但只是不为所动，比如，“低音听起来有点糊状。”
And then they have this whole spiel, like, "If you just put in Monster wire, it'll take care of that." The Monster wire, and it's Monster wire.
然后他们就说了一大堆话，比如，“如果你把怪物线放进去，它就会解决这个问题。”怪物线，这就是怪物线。
And I don't even know what Monster wire is, but that sounds good to me.
我什至不知道怪物线是什么，但这对我来说听起来不错。
So now it comes to the negotiating part.
现在到了谈判部分。
And again, I'm thinking, "Heh.
我再一次想，“呵呵。
These guys don't know who they're dealing with." We go back and forth, and finally, it's like, "All right.
这些家伙不知道他们在和谁打交道。”我们来来回回，最后，就像，“好吧。
$300." Because actually, that was the most I could take out on my cash station card.
300 美元。”因为实际上，这是我可以用我的收银台卡取出的最多金额。
Yes, yes.
是的，是的。
I probably said something like, "Well, you know, I can only get $300."
我可能会这样说：“好吧，你知道，我只能拿到 300 美元。”
From that point on, they knew they were dealing with a high roller.
从那时起，他们就知道自己面对的是一个豪赌客。
They had no idea who they were messing with.
他们不知道自己在招惹谁。
So now I'm past thinking that it's a speaker scam.
所以现在我不再认为这是一个扬声器骗局。
Now I'm on to thinking, well, if I do this, I'm somehow criminally liable.
现在我开始思考，如果我这样做，我就要承担刑事责任。
And I don't want to get busted.
我不想被抓。
So I--
所以我——
Well, these guys, if their story is true, they essentially stole them.
好吧，这些家伙，如果他们的故事属实，那么他们基本上是偷了它们。
So we're at the cash station.
所以我们到了收银台。
I've taken out the money.
我已经把钱拿出来了。
They're waiting in the car.
他们在车里等着。
I already have the speakers at my place, at my mom's place, that is.
我已经在我的地方，也就是我妈妈的地方安装了扬声器。
And I go to give them the money through the car window.
我就从车窗去给他们钱。
And I've already written down the license plate.
我已经记下了车牌。
And I say, "If I go down, I'm taking you guys with me."
我说：“如果我下去，我会带你们一起去。”
The next thing that happens is I come home to my new speakers.
接下来发生的事情是我回到家，看到我的新扬声器。
I think, well, I'm going to find out just how much money I essentially made.
我想，好吧，我要弄清楚我到底赚了多少钱。
I'm going to call the high-end audio store and ask them how much they sell the Pro Musica 555, whatever they are.
我会打电话给高端音响商店，询问他们 Pro Musica 555 的售价是多少，无论它们是什么。
And I call the guy, I say, "How much do you sell, what do you know about the Pro Musica 555s?" He's like, "Hold on a second." He puts down the phone and comes back.
我打电话给那个人，我说，“你卖多少钱，你对 Pro Musica 555s 了解多少？”他说：“等一下。”他放下电话就回来了。
He goes, "Did someone try to sell you those?" And I was like, "Yeah, someone did try to sell me those."
他问道：“有人想卖给你那些吗？”我当时想，“是的，确实有人想卖给我那些。”
And he's like, "You should get a hold of the San Francisco Chronicle," blah blah blah, and he names a date.
他说，“你应该去看看《旧金山纪事报》”，等等等等，然后他指定了一个日期。
And it's this whole coast-to-coast, national, multimillion-dollar scam ring.
这就是整个从东海岸到西海岸、全国性的、价值数百万美元的骗局。
Apparently, there's training, sort of like those pyramid marketing things.
显然，有培训，有点像传销的东西。
And apparently, it's everywhere.
显然，它无处不在。
It started on the west coast, and it's moved all the way here.
它从西海岸开始，一直转移到这里。
And I was like, "Awww." And I call information for the number of the place they said they work for that's stenciled on the side of their van, and that was on their shipping invoices and their, you know.
我当时想，“啊www。”我打电话询问他们所说的工作地点的号码，该号码印在他们的货车侧面，并且在他们的运输发票上，你知道。
And it's like, "No such number exists."
就像“不存在这样的数字”。
Fast forward a long time, a really long time, like 12 years maybe.
快进很长一段时间，真的很长一段时间，比如12年。
And I'm in the parking lot of the fancy supermarket, Whole Foods, in Chicago.
我现在在芝加哥高档超市全食超市的停车场。
And I'm coming out, and it's like a gift from God.
我出来了，这就像上帝赐予我的礼物。
It's just so perfect.
真是太完美了。
The exact same kind of van rolls up, the same kind of stencil, the same sort of guys inside.
完全相同类型的货车卷起，同样类型的模板，里面同样类型的人。
And out of everyone in this giant parking lot, they go, that's our guy.
在这个巨大停车场的每个人中，他们走了出来，那就是我们的人。
They come over to me, and they're like, "Dude!
他们走过来对我说：“伙计！
We got these speakers.
我们得到了这些扬声器。
We're the loading dock." It's this whole same spiel.
我们是装货码头。”都是同样的长篇大论。
What you want here is basically, you want a Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson line.
基本上，你想要的是克林特·伊斯特伍德、查尔斯·布朗森的风格。
You just want something totally cool and chilling that is going to totally stop him for some amount of time.
你只是想要一些完全凉爽和令人毛骨悚然的东西，这将在一段时间内完全阻止他。
And he's not going to expect it, and it's going to so perfectly cut through all his nonsense that he's just going to run in terror.
他不会预料到这一点，而这将如此完美地打破他所有的胡言乱语，以至于他只会惊恐地逃跑。
And I was also thinking, give him a chance.
我也在想，给他一个机会。
Don't just gun him down.
别只是开枪打倒他。
Let him get a little head start.
让他有一点先机。
So I'm like, "I tell you what.
所以我想，“我告诉你什么。
I'm going to give you five minutes.
我给你五分钟时间。
And then I'm going to call the cops."
然后我要报警。”
And then he starts mocking me like nobody's business.
然后他开始嘲笑我，就像与别人无关一样。
He's like, "Oooh, tough guy.
他就像是，“哦，硬汉。
Think we're scared?
你以为我们害怕了？
Response time is 10 minutes.
响应时间为 10 分钟。
We'll be out of here," blah blah blah.
我们会离开这里的。”巴拉巴拉巴拉。
And all the guys, it was like the monkey cage in the van.
和所有的人一样，这就像货车里的猴笼。
They're like, "Oo-oo-oo-ooh.
他们就像，“哦，哦，哦。”
Oh, scary.
哦，可怕。
Oo-oo-oo-ooh."
噢噢噢。”
And it's just, it's just so wrong.
这只是，这是非常错误的。
It's so embarrassing.
太尴尬了
And my retreat was so awful.
而我的撤退是如此糟糕。
In my mind, I'm slouching and hunchbacked and kind of worming my way to the pay phone.
在我的脑海里，我无精打采、驼背，正缓慢地走向公用电话。
There's no quick calls.
没有快速通话。
And that's the thing about Bronson.
这就是布朗森的问题。
Bronson delivers his line and then shoots somebody or punches somebody.
布朗森说出自己的台词，然后开枪打人或拳打人。
You delivered your line and then walked across a parking lot to make a pay phone call.
您送完电话，然后穿过停车场去拨打付费电话。
Yeah, exactly.
是的，完全正确。
You want to try me, buddy?
你想试试我吗，伙计？
Pick up this phone.
拿起这个电话。
Of course, the one bullet I have left in my gun at this point is I can go call.
当然，此时我枪里还剩下一颗子弹，那就是我可以打电话。
They can be arrested.
他们可能会被逮捕。
Meanwhile, I'm looking out the window.
与此同时，我正在看着窗外。
And these guys are totally non-plussed.
这些家伙完全不知道。
They're going, and they're soliciting other people.
他们要走了，而且还要招揽其他人。
They're talking to other folks.
他们正在和其他人说话。
I call 911 from the pay phone.
我用公用电话拨打 911。
And a dispatcher picks up, and he's like, "911 emergency." I'm like, "Yeah, there's these guys doing this speaker scam at the Whole Foods."
然后调度员接了电话，他说：“911 紧急情况。”我想，“是的，这些人在全食超市做了扬声器骗局。”
The dispatchers is like-- apparently she doesn't think this is an emergency-- and she's like, "What's the address where you're located at, sir?" And I have no idea.
调度员的反应是——显然她不认为这是紧急情况——然后她说：“先生，您所在的地址是什么？”我不知道。
It's a shopping center.
这是一个购物中心。
How do you know the address?
你怎么知道地址？
And every question she asked me just betrays her thinking that this is not an emergency.
她问我的每一个问题都暴露了她认为这不是紧急情况。
This is not urgent.
这并不紧急。
And we're not going to jump to it because you call and say these-- and I'm like, "Lady, you don't understand.
我们不会因为你打电话说这些而跳到这一步——我会说，“女士，你不明白。
A friend of mine fell for this scam once.
我的一个朋友曾经受过这个骗局。
I know what's going on."
我知道发生了什么事。”
Shane Dubow and Alex Blumberg.
肖恩·杜博和亚历克斯·布隆伯格。
Coming up, an entire nation which holds to the sucker mentality.
即将到来的是，整个国家都持有傻瓜心态。
Can you guess which nation I'm talking about?
你能猜出我说的是哪个国家吗？
Can you guess?
你能猜到吗？
An answer in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio and Public Radio International when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续进行时，芝加哥公共广播电台和国际公共广播电台将在一分钟内做出答复。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today on our program, Suckers, in which we ask the question, is the world in fact a place where you either make someone else into a sucker, or you're the sucker.
今天在我们的节目《傻瓜》中，我们提出了这样一个问题：这个世界实际上是一个你要么让别人变成傻瓜，要么你自己就是傻瓜的地方。
We've arrived at act three of our program, Act Three, Suckers in the Promised Land.
我们已经到了节目的第三幕，第三幕，应许之地的傻瓜。
Regular listeners might remember not so long ago when reporter Adam Davidson and I did some stories from Israel.
普通听众可能还记得不久前，记者亚当·戴维森和我报道了一些以色列的故事。
And while he and I were traveling around there, Adam told me to notice how often people use the word freier, which is the Yiddish word for sucker, the Israeli word for sucker.
当他和我在那里旅行时，亚当告诉我要注意人们使用“freier”这个词的频率，这是意第绪语中“傻瓜”的意思，以色列语中“傻瓜”的意思。
And I have to say, it happens all the time, because the idea of being a sucker is so much more powerful in Israel than it is here.
我不得不说，这种事一直在发生，因为在以色列，成为傻瓜的想法比在这里更强烈。
Adam put together this primer on the huge place that freierism has in Israeli life, and how it explains things you didn't even know might need explaining.
亚当整理了这本入门书，介绍了自由主义在以色列生活中的巨大地位，以及它如何解释你甚至不知道的事情，可能需要解释。
There is this amazing moment that was caught on film at the Camp David Peace Accords in 2000.
2000 年的戴维营和平协议中，有一个令人惊叹的时刻被记录下来。
President Clinton is leading then-Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak and Palestinian Authority Chairman Yasser Arafat into some log cabin for more negotiations.
克林顿总统正带领时任以色列总理埃胡德·巴拉克和巴勒斯坦权力机构主席亚西尔·阿拉法特进入一间小木屋进行更多谈判。
At the door, Arafat opens one arm to invite Barak to go in first.
门口，阿拉法特张开手臂邀请巴拉克先进去。
Barak stands there, impishly, and extends his own arm, telling Arafat to go in first.
巴拉克顽皮地站在那里，伸出手臂，示意阿拉法特先进去。
Things degenerated quickly.
事情很快就恶化了。
And you can actually see Barak and Arafat in a sort of fake wrestle, as Barak is trying to physically force Arafat to enter the door before he does.
你实际上可以看到巴拉克和阿拉法特正在进行一场假摔跤，因为巴拉克试图用身体迫使阿拉法特先于他进门。
The thing seems irreconcilable until, through the door, you see President Clinton's long arms grab both men and pull them in.
这件事似乎是不可调和的，直到透过门，你看到克林顿总统的长臂抓住了两个人并将他们拉了进去。
I think some Americans saw this and thought it was a good sign.
我认为一些美国人看到了这一点并认为这是一个好兆头。
These two old enemies are now friendly enough for roughhousing.
这两个宿敌现在已经友好到可以打架了。
But for any Israeli watching, the message was clear.
但对于任何以色列观众来说，这个信息都是明确的。
Barak was telling Arafat, I'm in control here.
巴拉克告诉阿拉法特，我掌控着这里。
I decide who goes in and who doesn't.
我决定谁进谁不进。
Nobody tells me when to go in a door.
没有人告诉我什么时候该进门。
Put another way, I'm not your freier.
换句话说，我不是你的自由人。
I'm not your sucker.
我不是你的傻瓜。
You constantly hear it, constantly.
你不断地听到它，不断地。
Don't be a freier.
别做一个自由人。
This is Tom Segev, an Israeli journalist and historian.
我是汤姆·塞格夫，以色列记者兼历史学家。
That is the worst thing for an Israeli to be, a freier, in his own eyes, and also in the eyes of other Israelis.
对于一个以色列人来说，这是最糟糕的事情，无论是在他自己眼中，还是在其他以色列人眼中。
So never, ever be generous.
所以永远不要慷慨。
Be always on guard.
时刻保持警惕。
Somebody is out there to take what is due to you.
有人在那里拿走你应得的东西。
I think it would be impossible to understand Israelis without understanding the whole notion of freierism.
我认为，如果不理解自由主义的整个概念，就不可能理解以色列人。
It is at the heart of Israeli culture, affecting how people work, how they shop, how they vote, how they think about themselves and the people around them.
它是以色列文化的核心，影响着人们如何工作、如何购物、如何投票、如何看待自己和周围的人。
Freierism is everywhere.
弗莱埃主义无处不在。
When I asked my cousin David if he'd ever been a freier, like any Israeli, he first said no. But when I pressed, he surprised me by recalling, in detail, an incident that happened years ago.
当我问我的表弟大卫他是否曾经像任何以色列人一样成为自由人时，他首先说没有。但当我追问时，他详细地回忆起了多年前发生的一件事情，这让我感到惊讶。
He was in line to pay at a supermarket, and this woman came up and asked if she could jump in front of him because she only had a few items.
他在一家超市排队付款时，这位女士走过来问她是否可以跳到他面前，因为她只有几样东西。
He said sure.
他说当然可以。
Then she wheeled over this cart filled with groceries.
然后她推过这辆装满杂货的手推车。
He realized that she had made him a freier.
他意识到她让他变得更加自由。
He thinks about that woman every time he goes shopping, and he has never let anyone get in front of him since.
每次去逛街，他都会想起那个女人，从那以后，他再也没有让任何人挡在他面前。
This was years ago.
这是很多年前的事了。
Again, here's Tom Segev.
汤姆·塞格夫再次报道。
Driving is a situation where the freier instinct really comes out.
驾驶是一种真正释放自由本能的情况。
Driving in Israel is really hell because we will always be afraid that if you let the other guy get ahead, you will be the freier.
在以色列开车真是地狱，因为我们总是担心，如果你让别人领先，你就会成为更自由的人。
Why would I let him go ahead of me if I can go ahead?
如果我可以走的话，我为什么要让他走在我前面呢？
Why should he go ahead of me?
为什么他要走在我前面？
From an Israeli point of view, Jews were suckers for 2,000 years in exile, constantly being tricked and persecuted.
从以色列人的角度来看，犹太人在长达2000年的流放生涯中都是傻瓜，不断受到欺骗和迫害。
The whole idea of Israel was to create a place where Jews were in control, where Jews would never again be freiers.
以色列的整个想法是创造一个犹太人控制的地方，犹太人永远不会再成为自由者。
And even though Israel is now a powerful state, the fear of being taken advantage of hasn't gone away.
尽管以色列现在是一个强大的国家，但对被利用的恐惧并没有消失。
Israelis even fear that their own Jewish government makes them all freiers.
以色列人甚至担心他们自己的犹太政府会让他们成为自由人。
Many Israelis say you're a freier if you pay your parking tickets, if you follow traffic laws.
许多以色列人说，如果你支付停车罚单，如果你遵守交通法规，你就是一个自由人。
Even if you pay your taxes, you can be a freier.
即使你缴纳了税款，你也可以成为一个自由人。
I've seen people collecting what their dogs do on the sidewalk, even though nobody watches them.
我见过人们收集他们的狗在人行道上所做的事情，尽管没有人注意它们。
And that would probably be considered a freier, somebody who obeys the law, even though there's no policeman around.
即使周围没有警察，那也可能会被认为是一个遵守法律的人。
Israel has an improvisational feel that America lacks.
以色列有一种美国所缺乏的即兴发挥的感觉。
It's a place that hasn't quite settled yet.
这是一个尚未完全安顿下来的地方。
Every price can be negotiated.
每个价格都可以协商。
Every law is up for debate.
每项法律都值得辩论。
Being a freier doesn't just mean getting taken advantage of, like being a sucker does here.
成为一个自由者并不仅仅意味着被利用，就像在这里成为一个傻瓜一样。
It means you don't get how the whole system works.
这意味着你不了解整个系统是如何工作的。
In America, you're a sucker if you buy your stereo from some guy in a parking lot.
在美国，如果你从停车场的某个人那里购买立体声音响，那你就是个傻瓜。
But in Israel, it's the exact opposite.
但在以色列，情况恰恰相反。
Anyone can buy a stereo in a store.
任何人都可以在商店购买立体声音响。
You're the only one who knows that Moishe's cousin from Uzbekistan just got a shipment of off-brand stereos with Sony parts, and he's selling them out of his car in the central bus station for cheap.
你是唯一知道莫伊什来自乌兹别克斯坦的表弟刚刚收到一批带有索尼零件的非品牌立体声音响的人，他正在中央公交车站用他的车低价出售它们。
It's not that Israelis are obsessed with getting things cheap per se.
这并不是说以色列人热衷于买便宜的东西。
It's just that if you don't, you're a freier.
只是如果你不这样做，你就是一个自由人。
I've always known that.
我一直都知道这一点。
And I've always noticed that when I get to Israel and start speaking Hebrew, my whole personality changes.
我一直注意到，当我到达以色列并开始说希伯来语时，我的整个性格都发生了变化。
I'm on guard.
我正在警惕。
I'm ready to yell.
我准备好大喊大叫了。
But I don't think I really understood what freierism means until I was checking out of this hotel in Tel Aviv a few years ago.
但直到几年前我离开特拉维夫的这家酒店时，我才真正理解了自由主义的含义。
Because of some glitch, the hotel's computer put on my bill all these phone charges to places I've never called in my life, Poland, Uruguay, Sri Lanka.
由于一些故障，酒店的电脑把所有这些电话费计入了我的账单，这些电话费是我一生中从未打过电话的地方，波兰、乌拉圭、斯里兰卡。
I went to the manager, and in seconds, he and I were screaming at each other.
我去找经理，几秒钟后，我和他就互相尖叫。
I'm yelling at him, asking how he can charge for calls I never made.
我对他大喊大叫，问他如何对我从未打过的电话收费。
He's yelling back at me.
他对我大喊大叫。
This goes on for a while, until suddenly, I realize that he and I completely agree.
这样持续了一段时间，直到突然，我发现我和他完全同意。
He doesn't want me to pay the phone charges.
他不想让我付电话费。
I don't want to pay the phone charges.
我不想付电话费。
What we're really fighting over is who gets to say whether or not I pay the phone charges.
我们真正争论的是谁有权决定我是否支付电话费。
He's saying, "I'm the manager.
他说：“我是经理。
You don't tell me you don't pay the bill.
你不告诉我你不付帐单。
I tell you if you don't pay the bill." And I'm yelling back in Hebrew, "I'm the customer.
如果你不付账我就告诉你。”我用希伯来语大喊：“我是顾客。
You don't tell me if I pay the bill.
你不告诉我是否付了帐单。
I don't pay any bill that isn't correct." That's when I got it.
我不会支付任何不正确的账单。”就在那时我明白了。
We weren't fighting over money.
我们不是为了钱而吵架。
We were fighting over who was the freier, him or me.
我们正在争论谁更自由，他还是我。
(INTERVIEWER) ADAM DAVIDSON Have you been a freier recently?
（采访者）亚当·戴维森（ADAM DAVIDSON）您最近是自由人吗？
Probably.
大概。
Adam Davidson Again, here's Tom Segev.
亚当·戴维森（Adam Davidson） 汤姆·塞格夫（Tom Segev）又来了。
We are all freiers.
我们都是自由人。
We are a nation of freiers actually.
我们实际上是一个自由人的国家。
We are a nation of freiers.
我们是一个自由的国家。
And that's one of the childhood diseases which we have yet to overcome.
这是我们尚未克服的儿童疾病之一。
What do you mean, you're a nation of freiers?
你是一个自由国家，这是什么意思？
I can tell you something on a more serious and on a more political level.
我可以告诉你一些更严肃、更政治层面的事情。
I think that the Israeli left, the Israeli peace camp feels very much like being the freier these days.
我认为以色列人离开了，以色列和平阵营现在感觉非常自由。
Because we have been advocating peace with the Palestinians, we are advocating compromises with the Palestinians.
因为我们一直主张与巴勒斯坦人和平，所以我们主张与巴勒斯坦人妥协。
Very often, we have done that sitting in cafes which, hours later, have been blown up by Palestinian terrorists.
很多时候，我们坐在咖啡馆里这样做，几个小时后，咖啡馆就被巴勒斯坦恐怖分子炸毁了。
So I think that many of us feel that Palestinian terrorism has made us, people of the Israeli peace camp, freiers.
所以我认为我们很多人都觉得巴勒斯坦恐怖主义让我们这些以色列和平阵营的人民变得自由。
In fact, the whole peace process is infected with the idea of freierism.
事实上，整个和平进程都受到了自由主义思想的感染。
Both sides know what the final outcome is going to be, a Palestinian state next to Israel, Israel giving up some settlements in the West Bank and Gaza.
双方都知道最终结果是什么，即以色列旁边的巴勒斯坦国，以色列放弃约旦河西岸和加沙的一些定居点。
But each side has to play its hand to see that it gets the absolute best deal, that they aren't taken for freiers.
但双方都必须发挥自己的作用，确保自己得到绝对最好的交易，而不是被当作自由人。
And of course, any peace depends on both sides trusting each other.
当然，任何和平都取决于双方相互信任。
And trusting, everyone knows, is the mark of a true freier.
众所周知，信任是真正自由者的标志。
Adam Davidson in Los Angeles.
亚当·戴维森在洛杉矶。
Act Four: Mother Sucker Ira Glass We now move on to Act Four, Mother Sucker.
第四幕：笨蛋艾拉·格拉斯 我们现在进入第四幕，笨蛋。
We have this story about the meaning of parenthood and the prevalence of being made a sucker from Heather O'Neill.
我们有一个关于为人父母的意义以及希瑟·奥尼尔（Heather O'Neill）成为傻瓜的普遍现象的故事。
When I was 18 years old, I moved out of my dad's house with a suitcase and headed downtown.
当我18岁的时候，我带着行李箱搬出了爸爸的房子，前往市中心。
And there was nothing anyone could do about it.
对此，任何人都无能为力。
I grew up in the smallest apartment in the world, with my dad yelling all the time.
我在世界上最小的公寓里长大，父亲一直在大喊大叫。
My two sisters and I all slept in a tiny room with two bunk beds and a cardboard box of clothing that we all shared.
我和我的两个姐妹都睡在一个小房间里，房间里有两张双层床和一个我们共用的纸板箱的衣服。
After an atrocious childhood, I was delighted to be a grown-up.
在经历了残酷的童年之后，我很高兴长大了。
My friend, Ben, and I got an apartment.
我和我的朋友本买了一套公寓。
You turned on the oven at 3:00 in the afternoon if you wanted it to be hot by suppertime.
如果您希望晚餐时烤箱是热的，您可以在下午 3:00 打开烤箱。
We never locked the door.
我们从来没有锁过门。
We'd lost all the keys.
我们丢失了所有钥匙。
After living there peacefully for a couple of months, one night, Ben brought home Jimmy.
在那里平静地生活了几个月后，一天晚上，本带吉米回家了。
Jimmy was a 16-year-old boy that he had found at the Electric Bumbum, a club down the street.
吉米是一个 16 岁的男孩，他是在街上的一家名为 Electric Bumbum 的俱乐部里找到的。
Ben said that Jimmy had been walking around the bar, asking all the women for a hug.
本说吉米在酒吧里走来走去，请求所有女士拥抱一下。
He was carrying a little leather bag that looked like a doctor's kit that he kept his underwear in.
他拎着一个小皮包，看起来像医生的工具包，里面装着他的内衣。
He had just escaped from Shawbridge, a juvenile detention center that was north of the city.
他刚刚从该市北部的肖布里奇少年拘留中心逃出。
He had tried to go home, but his mother had moved without telling him her new address.
他试图回家，但他的母亲搬家了，没有告诉他她的新地址。
I could see why Ben had decided to help him out.
我明白为什么本决定帮助他。
Jimmy looked like the Little Prince.
吉米看起来像小王子。
He had the biggest eyes on the planet.
他有地球上最大的眼睛。
And he always had a surprised expression on his face.
而且他的脸上始终带着惊讶的表情。
He had blond hair that was sticking straight up, and he was small for his age.
他有一头直立的金发，与同龄人相比，他个子矮小。
He was 16, but he looked about 11 or 12.
他当时16岁，但看起来只有11或12岁。
On his pale bicep, he had a homemade tattoo that said Lisa.
在他苍白的二头肌上，他有一个自制的纹身，上面写着“丽莎”。
Lisa was a half-sister he had only met once, five years before.
丽莎是他同父异母的妹妹，五年前他只见过一次面。
He also acted like a little kid.
他也表现得像个小孩子。
That first night when Ben brought him into the living room, I handed him this transparent balloon with white stars on it, and Jimmy went on and on about how it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever given him.
第一天晚上，当本把他带进客厅时，我递给他这个上面有白色星星的透明气球，吉米继续说这是任何人给过他的最美丽的东西。
I liked that.
我喜欢那个。
Jimmy needed a place to stay for the night.
吉米需要找个地方过夜。
Ben said he could sleep on the couch.
本说他可以睡在沙发上。
So Jimmy took off his pants and folded them on the coffee table.
于是吉米脱下裤子，叠放在咖啡桌上。
He was wearing Spider-Man underwear.
他穿着蜘蛛侠内衣。
"Heather, could you tuck me in?" he asked.
“希瑟，你能帮我盖被子吗？”他问道。
I thought he was joking, seeing as he was 16, and I was 18.
我以为他是在开玩笑，因为他才 16 岁，而我才 18 岁。
But he just lay there, perfectly still and straight, waiting for the blankets to be pulled up to his chin.
但他只是躺在那里，一动不动，笔直地等待着毯子被拉到他的下巴处。
So I did it.
所以我就这么做了。
I tucked him in.
我把他塞了进去。
What else could I do?
我还能做什么？
It was silly, but it also made me feel warm inside.
虽然很傻，但也让我内心感到温暖。
Suddenly, I felt very mature.
突然间，我感觉自己很成熟。
When I fantasized about having a kid, it was never about being in a relationship or being pregnant.
当我幻想生孩子时，从来都不是谈恋爱或怀孕。
I always imagined finding a baby in a garbage can and raising it as my own.
我总是想象在垃圾桶里找到一个婴儿，然后把它当作自己的孩子抚养长大。
I would do everything for that little baby and never give it up.
为了那个小宝贝，我愿意付出一切，永不放弃。
When I was still very little, my mother told me that she was moving to New Orleans.
当我还很小的时候，我妈妈告诉我她要搬到新奥尔良。
She said she had never been able to do fun things because she had had me when she was only 19.
她说她从来没有做过有趣的事情，因为她19岁时就有了我。
She said if she stayed and looked after me, she would only depress me.
她说如果她留下来照顾我，只会让我感到沮丧。
She said really, she was doing me a favor.
她说真的，她是在帮我一个忙。
She left her apartment and walked down the street with her things, saying that she was going to the airport.
她离开公寓，拎着东西走在街上，说要去机场。
I found out years later that she had just moved across town.
几年后我发现她刚刚搬到城的另一边。
The next morning, when I sat on the coffee table and asked Jimmy where he was going to go, he begged me to let him stay.
第二天早上，当我坐在咖啡桌上问吉米他要去哪里时，他求我让他留下来。
I told him I didn't want to get in trouble with the law.
我告诉他我不想惹上法律麻烦。
And besides, we were broke.
此外，我们破产了。
"You guys could be my foster parents," he pleaded.
“你们可以成为我的养父母，”他恳求道。
Jimmy said that once a kid in foster care is 16, he can be eligible for independent living.
吉米说，寄养儿童一旦年满 16 岁，就有资格独立生活。
As long as you got any adult to come and say they wanted you to live with them, it would be OK.
只要有大人来告诉你希望你和他们住在一起就可以了。
He said he was very envious of his friend, Juan, who had talked a women who worked at his school's cafeteria into being his foster mom.
他说他非常羡慕他的朋友胡安，他说服了一位在他学校食堂工作的女士成为他的养母。
We had to go clear across town to visit Jimmy's social worker.
我们必须穿过城镇去拜访吉米的社会工作者。
It was a bleak kind of neighborhood.
这是一个荒凉的街区。
There seemed to be train tracks everywhere and laundry lines with no clothes on them.
似乎到处都是铁轨和晾衣绳，上面没有衣服。
There were two identical buildings next to each other at the end of a street.
在街道的尽头，有两座一模一样的建筑物并排。
One of the buildings had all its windows broken.
其中一栋建筑的所有窗户都被打破。
The other one was the Office for Child Welfare.
另一个是儿童福利办公室。
Before we walked into the building, I opened my mouth, and Ben squirted some breath spray in.
在我们走进大楼之前，我张开嘴，本喷了一些口气喷雾。
The social worker stared at us.
社工盯着我们。
"Why do you want to be Jimmy's foster parents?" she asked.
“你为什么想成为吉米的养父母？”她问道。
"I like to read books," I said.
“我喜欢读书，”我说。
It was all I could think of to say.
这是我能想到的一切。
I'd always imagined that kids who were read to must be much smarter than me.
我一直以为那些读书给我听的孩子一定比我聪明得多。
I was just quiet after that, but she didn't seem to care how we were planning to raise Jimmy.
之后我就安静了，但她似乎并不关心我们打算如何抚养吉米。
In fact, the only thing she wanted from us was proof that we were 18.
事实上，她唯一想从我们这里得到的东西就是证明我们已经 18 岁了。
Nothing else seemed to matter.
其他似乎都不重要了。
Taking the long subway ride out there seemed to show enough initiative on our parts.
乘坐长途地铁到那里似乎显示出我们足够的主动性。
She gave us an address of a school that would accept Jimmy, and then she gave us a roll of green children's bus tickets so that he could get there each day.
她给了我们一个可以接受吉米的学校的地址，然后给了我们一卷绿色的儿童巴士票，以便他每天都能到达那里。
Then she gave us some forms to fill out, which she apologized profusely for.
然后她给了我们一些表格让我们填写，并为此深表歉意。
She explained it was a drag, but it had to be done for accounting, so that we could get money.
她解释说，这很麻烦，但必须做会计，这样我们才能拿到钱。
"If you have any problems, don't call me.
“如果你有任何问题，请不要给我打电话。
Call the front desk first," she said, waving goodbye.
先给前台打电话，”她挥手告别。
We were given a $100 check to buy him things that he needed.
我们得到了一张 100 美元的支票来给他买他需要的东西。
It seemed like a lot of money to me.
对我来说这似乎是很多钱。
I took him out shopping for school supplies.
我带他出去买学习用品。
We got a large purse with a rainbow on it that he could use to keep his school books in.
我们有一个上面有彩虹的大钱包，他可以用它来存放他的课本。
I also bought him an umbrella and a pair of snow pants.
我还给他买了一把雨伞和一条雪裤。
Then Jimmy and I saw this dress shirt with pink birds on it that looked like it would fit either of us perfectly.
然后吉米和我看到了这件上面印有粉红色小鸟的正装衬衫，看起来非常适合我们俩。
We both grabbed for it.
我们俩都抓住了。
I shoved him right into a plastic container of shoes.
我把他直接塞进一个装鞋子的塑料容器里。
"Child abuse," he screamed.
“虐待儿童，”他尖叫道。
On the subway back home, he wouldn't stop bugging me, so I bit him on the ear.
在回家的地铁上，他不停地骚扰我，所以我咬了他的耳朵。
My dad used to always do that to me with his broken tooth.
我爸爸以前总是用他断掉的牙齿对我这样做。
Pretty soon after Jimmy moved in, things started to go missing around the apartment.
吉米搬进来后不久，公寓周围的东西就开始失踪。
If we left a handful of change on the bathroom sink, it would disappear.
如果我们在浴室水槽上留下一把零钱，它就会消失。
So would Ben's cigarettes.
本的香烟也是如此。
The radio on the kitchen table was suddenly not there one day, but Jimmy denied that he had taken anything.
有一天，厨房桌子上的收音机突然不见了，但吉米否认他拿走了任何东西。
In my heart, of course, I couldn't really believe him.
当然，我心里是不太相信他的。
But it wasn't like he was taking anything I couldn't live without.
但他并没有拿走任何我离不开的东西。
Jimmy had to go to a remedial high school.
吉米不得不去补习高中。
It wasn't long before I was being called in to talk to his teacher.
没过多久，我就被叫去和他的老师谈话。
She said that he kept taking his shirt off in class.
她说他在课堂上总是脱掉衬衫。
She said he had 100 spelling mistakes and never did his homework.
她说他有 100 个拼写错误，而且从来不做作业。
And she said that Jimmy had been missing tons of school.
她说吉米已经缺课很多次了。
"Why haven't you been going to school?" I asked him.
“你怎么没去上学？”我问他。
"What have you been doing with your days?" "I don't know," he said.
“你这几天都在做什么？” “我不知道，”他说。
More things vanished from the apartment, records, books, cutlery.
更多的东西从公寓里消失了：记录、书籍、餐具。
One afternoon, while sitting outside on the stoop, I noticed that the next door neighbor was wearing Ben's hat.
一天下午，我坐在外面的门廊上，注意到隔壁邻居戴着本的帽子。
I asked him where he got it.
我问他从哪里得到的。
And the neighbor said, "That blond kid who lives with you sold it to me."
邻居说：“和你住在一起的那个金发小伙子把它卖给了我。”
Then while cleaning, I found under Jimmy's blanket a sweat sock, stuffed full, like a Christmas stocking.
然后在打扫卫生时，我在吉米的毯子下面发现了一只塞满的运动袜，就像圣诞袜一样。
There was my gold chain with a pink rose.
那是我的金链子，上面有一朵粉红玫瑰。
He stole a tiny porcelain southern belle that an ex-boyfriend had given to me.
他偷了前男友送给我的一个南方瓷器小美女。
There was even a magnet from the fridge in the shape of a cough syrup bottle with a 1-800 number on it.
冰箱里甚至还有一块止咳糖浆瓶形状的磁铁，上面写着 1-800 的数字。
When I brought it up, Jimmy said they were just souvenirs.
当我提起这件事时，吉米说它们只是纪念品。
I genuinely liked Jimmy, but I was slowly realizing that nobody else did.
我真的很喜欢吉米，但我慢慢意识到没有其他人喜欢他。
When we had friends over, he would moonwalk from one person to the next offering to massage their faces.
当我们有朋友来访时，他会太空步从一个人走到另一个人，主动为他们的脸部按摩。
He'd sit right next to them and ask, "If you could be any animal, what would it be?
他会坐在他们旁边问：“如果你可以成为任何动物，你会选择什么？
I'd be an otter because it's original and I like waterslides."
我会是一只水獭，因为它是原创的，而且我喜欢水滑梯。”
Also, he'd ask for everything.
而且，他会要求一切。
"Oh, that's a beautiful watch," he'd say.
“哦，那块手表很漂亮，”他会说。
"Can I have it?
“我可以拥有吗？
Can I have your necklace?
我可以要你的项链吗？
Please, I'll wear it every day."
拜托，我会每天都戴着它。”
"Why do you let that little mooch live here?" people would ask.
“你为什么让那个小家伙住在这里？”人们会问。
"He's so annoying.
“他太烦人了。
He's so squirrelly." I defended Jimmy, saying that he was just going through a phase.
他真是太松鼠了。”我为吉米辩护，说他只是正在经历一个阶段。
He was only a kid.
他还只是个孩子。
It wasn't his fault that he wasn't mature.
不成熟并不是他的错。
I thought he was really showing signs of an artistic temperament.
我觉得他确实表现出了艺术气质。
After all, Rimbaud was a runaway too.
毕竟兰波也是一个逃亡者。
If we had found Rimbaud at the Electric Bumbum, I'm sure everyone would also think he was a pretentious teenager, what with his ranting and his poetry.
如果我们在电动屁股上找到兰波，我相信每个人也会认为他是一个自命不凡的少年，因为他的咆哮和诗歌。
Rimbaud might also knock over the lamp practicing his disco moves and wear glasses with the lenses popped out in an attempt to express himself.
兰波在练习迪斯科舞步时也可能打翻台灯，戴上镜片弹出的眼镜，试图表达自己的想法。
We had had him six months, and still no money had come.
我们已经养了他六个月了，但仍然没有收到钱。
Ben asked Jimmy to stop at the social worker and find out where the checks were.
本让吉米到社会工作者那儿去看看支票在哪里。
Jimmy said that he'd just been there, and that there was a paperwork problem, and we'd be getting the money soon.
吉米说他刚刚去过那里，文书工作有问题，我们很快就会收到钱。
Jimmy, our growing boy, was starting to develop a little potbelly from eating all the food in the house, while at the same time, Ben and I were starting to lose weight.
吉米，我们正在成长的男孩，由于吃了家里所有的食物，开始长出小腹，而与此同时，本和我开始减肥。
Ben complained all the time about how there was never any food in the fridge.
本一直抱怨冰箱里从来没有食物。
Jimmy would eat up every last thing.
吉米会把最后的东西都吃掉。
One time, we came home, and Jimmy was sitting on the couch, watching TV, with a big pot of spaghetti sauce on his lap.
有一次，我们回到家，吉米坐在沙发上看电视，腿上放着一大锅意大利面酱。
Ben started putting him on a scale to make sure he wasn't gaining weight.
本开始给他称体重，以确保他的体重没有增加。
At this point, Jimmy wasn't going to school at all.
此时，吉米根本不去上学。
Ben started complaining that he needed to have some sort of activity, other than "eating all our food and following me around all day." "You should try to do something that involves ambition," Ben told him.
本开始抱怨他需要进行一些活动，而不是“吃掉我们所有的食物并整天跟着我”。 “你应该尝试做一些有野心的事情，”本告诉他。
"Don't you even have a hobby?"
“你连爱好都没有吗？”
He decided Jimmy had to get out of the house on his own for at least an hour on the weekends.
他决定吉米周末必须独自走出家门至少一个小时。
Jimmy would just stand on the balcony, shivering.
吉米只是站在阳台上瑟瑟发抖。
He'd get down on his knees and call for me through the mail slot.
他会跪下来通过邮筒呼唤我。
I told Ben that he was pushing Jimmy too hard.
我告诉本，他对吉米的压力太大了。
When the hour was up, I would rush to unlock the door and let Jimmy back in.
时间一到，我就会冲过去开门，让吉米进来。
Then one day, Ben had had enough.
有一天，本受够了。
Jimmy walked in the kitchen wearing Ben's shoes, except they were painted white and had little blue stars on them.
吉米穿着本的鞋子走进厨房，只不过鞋子被漆成白色，上面有蓝色的小星星。
"How do you like my dancing shoes?" he asked.
“你觉得我的舞鞋怎么样？”他问道。
"Those are my shoes!" Ben screamed.
“那是我的鞋子！”本尖叫起来。
"No, you never had a pair of white shoes with blue stars on them," said Jimmy.
“不，你从来没有一双带有蓝色星星的白鞋，”吉米说。
"I would have noticed."
“我会注意到的。”
Ben told Jimmy he had gone too far.
本告诉吉米他做得太过分了。
"I'm calling your social worker in the morning.
“我早上会给你的社会工作者打电话。
I don't know how to deal with a kleptomaniac teenager."
我不知道如何对付一个有盗窃癖的青少年。”
The thought of kicking Jimmy out made me feel rotten inside.
一想到要把吉米赶出去，我就觉得心里很不舒服。
It made me feel like a degenerate or a criminal.
这让我感觉自己像个堕落者或罪犯。
I couldn't stand the thought of him having no place to go.
一想到他无处可去，我就无法忍受。
I don't know if that means I'm a sucker or that I just don't care if I'm a sucker.
我不知道这是否意味着我是个傻瓜，或者我只是不在乎我是否是个傻瓜。
The next morning, Jimmy was gone anyway, along with a houseload of souvenirs.
第二天早上，吉米还是走了，还带着一大堆纪念品。
He didn't even say goodbye.
他甚至没有说再见。
I thought that I had been such a good mother too.
我想我也是一个很好的母亲。
I couldn't believe he'd want to run away.
我不敢相信他竟然想逃跑。
When Ben woke up, he found that the envelope with his $150 that he had spent 40 hours working for was gone.
当本醒来时，他发现装着他花了 40 个小时才得到的 150 美元的信封不见了。
The rent was due, and we were flat broke.
房租到期了，我们却身无分文。
Ben called the social worker to ask about the checks.
本打电话给社会工作者询问支票的情况。
She said that they had all been given to Jimmy.
她说它们都给了吉米。
Jimmy had just been cashing them and spending the money himself.
吉米刚刚兑现了这些钱并自己花掉了钱。
Ben felt like Jimmy had totally taken us for fools.
本觉得吉米完全把我们当傻子了。
I felt like, well, what do you expect?
我觉得，好吧，你期待什么？
Now, years later, I have a seven-year-old daughter, and I've come to realize that to be a parent is to be a sucker.
现在，几年后，我有了一个七岁的女儿，我开始意识到，为人父母就是傻瓜。
You get suckered into being an unappreciated servant who works for free.
你会沦为一个免费工作、不受赏识的仆人。
You get suckered into giving up your privacy.
你会被迫放弃自己的隐私。
You're suckered into giving up movies and holidays to pay for ballet lessons, and plastic alien babies, and enough bubble gum to stretch to the moon.
你被迫放弃电影和假期来支付芭蕾舞课的费用，放弃塑料外星人婴儿，以及足够的泡泡糖延伸到月球。
And kids will treat you like a sucker.
孩子们会把你当作傻瓜一样对待。
They'll lie right to your face.
他们会当着你的面撒谎。
My daughter tries to convince me before leaving to school in the morning that she doesn't have lip gloss on even though her lips are glistening like candy apples.
我女儿早上去学校之前试图说服我，她没有涂唇彩，尽管她的嘴唇像苹果糖一样闪闪发光。
And what makes being a parent the ultimate sucker is that not only are you being taken for a sucker, but you actually like it.
而让父母成为终极傻瓜的原因在于，你不仅被认为是傻瓜，而且你实际上喜欢这样。
I lie and connive and manipulate on her behalf all the time, and I do it with pleasure.
我一直在为她撒谎、纵容和操纵，而且我乐于这样做。
The other day, I sewed a little pocket inside her jacket so that she could sneak her cards to school after they were banned.
有一天，我在她的夹克里缝了一个小口袋，这样她就可以在卡片被禁止后偷偷地去学校。
"Watch out for the lunch monitors," I tell her.
“留意午餐监视器，”我告诉她。
"They're on a power trip." I write her notes saying, "Please let my daughter go to the bathroom whenever she wants.
“他们正在进行权力之旅。”我给她写的便条上写着：“请让我女儿想上厕所的时候就上。
She has serious stomach problems."
她有严重的胃病。”
And I only wish I could do more.
我只希望我能做得更多。
I wish I could sit beside her during her math tests and whisper her the answers.
我希望在她数学考试时我能坐在她旁边，低声告诉她答案。
I wish I could cup her ears with my palms when the teacher starts yelling at her for not listening.
我希望当老师开始因为她不听话而对她大喊大叫时，我能用手掌捂住她的耳朵。
I wish I could stand with her in the schoolyard at lunchtime and give her the sandwich I packed for work because she decided to feed hers to the birds.
我希望午餐时间能和她一起站在校园里，把我上班时打包的三明治给她，因为她决定把自己的三明治喂给鸟儿。
This is the last program that we have the pleasure of working with producer-in-training Chris Neary.
这是我们有幸与实习制作人 Chris Neary 合作的最后一个节目。
He has had many ideas on how to structure and rework stories that have made our show better, and we are the worse for him going.
他对如何构建和修改故事有很多想法，这些想法使我们的节目变得更好，而我们对他来说是更糟糕的。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who's got an answer for anything we say about him here.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理监督由 Torey Malatia 负责，我们在这里所说的有关他的任何事情他都有答案。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。