22: Adult Children - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #22 | December 26, 1997 22: Adult Children Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 22 集 | 1997 年 12 月 26 日 22：成人儿童 注：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass When I picked up the phone, it was my mom.
序言 Ira Glass 当我拿起电话时，是我妈妈打来的。
And it had been about a month since we talked, which is not unusual and certainly my fault.
我们谈话已经过去了大约一个月，这并不罕见，当然也是我的错。
Anyway, my mom said that she had been invited to speak with a group of women at the local Hadassah.
不管怎样，我妈妈说她被邀请去当地哈达萨与一群妇女交谈。
My mom's a therapist in the Jewish suburbs outside Baltimore.
我妈妈是巴尔的摩郊外犹太郊区的一名治疗师。
And these Hadassah women had this group that met regularly.
这些哈达萨妇女有这个定期聚会的小组。
All of them were women in their late 40s through early 60s.
他们都是 40 岁末到 60 岁出头的女性。
And when the group first started meeting, they apparently discussed all sorts of things.
当小组第一次开始聚会时，他们显然讨论了各种各样的事情。
It was wide ranging.
范围很广。
But as time progressed, they realized that there was only one topic that they wanted to talk about and felt like they needed to talk about all the time, that they felt traumatized enough to have to talk about.
但随着时间的推移，他们意识到他们只想谈论一个话题，并且觉得他们需要一直谈论，他们感到创伤足以不得不谈论。
And that was their relationships with their adult children.
这就是他们与成年子女的关系。
And at some point, this became the only thing that the group talked about, its official reason for being.
在某些时候，这成为该团体唯一谈论的事情，也是其存在的官方理由。
And they had invited my mother to lead a discussion about how to get along with your adult children.
他们还邀请我母亲主持一场关于如何与成年子女相处的讨论。
So my mom is a big preparer.
所以我妈妈是一个很大的准备者。
When she gets invited to talk on various psychological topics, she looks up articles, calls experts, talks to people.
当她受邀就各种心理学话题进行演讲时，她会查阅文章、致电专家、与人们交谈。
And as part of her preparation, my mom decided to call her own three adult children to see what advice they would give to the group about communicating with your children, about having a good relationship with your adult children.
作为准备工作的一部分，我妈妈决定给自己的三个成年孩子打电话，看看他们会向大家提供哪些关于与孩子沟通、与成年孩子建立良好关系的建议。
So my Mom had already talked to my older sister Randi out in California by the time she called me here in Chicago.
所以当我妈妈打电话给我到芝加哥时，她已经和我在加利福尼亚州的姐姐兰迪谈过了。
And she explained to Randi, "It's a thing about communicating with your adult children and how to be close to your adult children." And she asked my sister what advice she would give to the group.
她向兰迪解释说，“这是与成年子女沟通以及如何与成年子女亲近的问题。”她问我姐姐会给这个团体什么建议。
Randi's advice was direct and to the point.
兰迪的建议直接而中肯。
She said, "Tell them to get a different leader."
她说：“告诉他们换一个领导。”
Adult children, supposedly adult children, and their supposedly adult parents in this addition of This American Life from WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International.
芝加哥 WBEZ 和国际公共广播电台的《美国生活》节目中的成年子女、所谓的成年子女以及他们所谓的成年父母。
I'm Ira Glass, back for another week documenting everyday stories in these United States.
我是艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass)，又回来一周记录美国的日常故事。
Act Two, Sandra Tsing Loh and her father.
第二幕，罗清仪和她的父亲。
Act Three, Sandra Tsing Loh, Her Father, and His Mail-Order Chinese Wives.
第三幕，桑德拉·青罗、她的父亲和他的邮购中国妻子。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
So in this conversation with my mom, I was in the unusual position of being able to look like the good child in the family for a change.
因此，在与妈妈的这次谈话中，我处于一个不寻常的位置，能够看起来像家里的好孩子，需要改变。
My older sister, for a change, looked like the bad kid.
相比之下，我的姐姐看起来像个坏孩子。
And I was able to say to my mom, you know, "Even if Randi thought that you weren't handling your relationships with us in the very best way, surely there was a way to express that that was a little less cruel."
我可以对我妈妈说，你知道，“即使兰迪认为你没有以最好的方式处理与我们的关系，但肯定有一种方式可以表达这不那么残酷。”
And my mom asked me, OK, so what advice would I have for this group?
我妈妈问我，好吧，那么我对这个群体有什么建议呢？
And I suggested that in the families of a lot of my friends and I think in my family, I thought that one cause of a lot of tension is the fact that as a family, we don't have a story that we agree on about the past.
我建议，在我的很多朋友的家庭中，我认为在我的家庭中，我认为造成很多紧张的原因之一是，作为一个家庭，我们对过去没有一个一致的故事。
The kids, my sisters and I, we have one version of what happened when we were children.
孩子们，我和我的姐妹们，我们对小时候发生的事情都有一个版本。
And that version tends to be kind of dark, actually.
事实上，那个版本往往有点黑暗。
Not completely, but there's a lot of darkness in it.
虽然不完全，但是里面有很多黑暗。
And our parents have a completely different story.
而我们的父母则有完全不同的故事。
And you know, I don't even think we need to come to a consensus.
你知道，我什至认为我们不需要达成共识。
I don't think families need to agree about this stuff.
我认为家庭不需要就这些事情达成一致。
I'm not even sure if they can agree.
我什至不确定他们是否能同意。
But I think there has to be some kind of mutual understanding that each side sees the past the way that they see it.
但我认为必须有某种相互理解，即双方以自己的方式看待过去。
So today's program will not be an attempt to find this common story, but it will be an attempt to define that gap as it exists in a few families.
因此，今天的节目并不是试图找到这个共同的故事，而是试图定义一些家庭中存在的差距。
The holiday season is just ending and for so many people, the drama of the holidays is the drama of parents and grown children struggling to get along without disappointing each other or getting on each other's nerves.
假期刚刚结束，对于很多人来说，假期的戏剧是父母和成年孩子努力相处而不让彼此失望或让彼此紧张的戏剧。
So to begin our program right now, I'm pleased to welcome to our show, telephonically from Baltimore, my mom.
现在开始我们的节目，我很高兴地欢迎我的妈妈从巴尔的摩通过电话来到我们的节目。
Can I say something?
我可以说句话吗？
Ira Glass I was just going to say, feel free to amend or correct.
Ira Glass 我只是想说，请随意修改或更正。
Yes.
是的。
When I told your sister what you said, she said, "Oh, I was just kidding.
当我告诉你姐姐你说的话时，她说：“哦，我只是开玩笑。
I didn't mean to be mean."
我并没有刻薄的意思。”
Oh.
哦。
Pfft.
噗。
Shirley Glass So I don't want her to be [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
雪莉·格拉斯（Shirley Glass）所以我不希望她变得[难以理解]。
But you're a professional psychologist.
但你是一名专业心理学家。
Now, don't you think often-- don't you think that there was a note of hostility in what she said?
现在，你不经常想——你不觉得她的话里有敌意吗？
Oh, absolutely.
哦，绝对是。
Ira Glass OK.
艾拉·格拉斯 好的。
There, you see?
在那里，你看到了吗？
Are you and I can agree.
你我能同意吗？
And frankly, she's not on the phone.
坦白说，她没有接电话。
So mom, the thing I wanted to ask you about is, OK, so you had this seminar with all these--
所以妈妈，我想问你的是，好吧，所以你举办了这个研讨会，内容包括所有这些——
It wasn't a seminar.
这不是研讨会。
It was a discussion group.
这是一个讨论组。
Discussion.
讨论。
The discussion group, excuse me.
讨论组，请原谅。
And I was the facilitator.
我是协调人。
Ira Glass And how many women was it?
Ira Glass 有多少位女性？
Around 30-some.
大约有30多个。
Ira Glass Oh, so a lot.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）哦，很多。
Now, if you had to characterize in a phrase people's relationships with their children, would you describe them as being very good, somewhat OK, generally kind of yucky?
现在，如果你必须用一个短语来描述人们与孩子的关系，你会把他们描述为“非常好”、“有点好”、“通常有点令人讨厌”吗？
I mean, how would you describe it?
我的意思是，你会如何描述它？
I would say that there were a lot of people whose dreams haven't been realized, whose expectations haven't been met.
我想说，有很多人的梦想没有实现，他们的期望没有得到满足。
And so there's a sense of disappointment, although there were some people there who were pleased with all aspects.
因此，尽管有些人对各方面都感到满意，但还是有一种失望感。
And then, of course, the question was, "Well, why are you here?"
然后，当然，问题是，“那么，你为什么在这里？”
To gloat?
幸灾乐祸？
Was that the answer?
这就是答案吗？
To gloat and show you pictures of grandchildren?
幸灾乐祸地给你看孙子的照片？
A little bit.
一点点。
Ira Glass A little bit.
艾拉·格拉斯 一点点。
Yeah, OK.
是的，好的。
More to connect with the other women, I suppose.
我想更多的是与其他女性联系。
But these are the criteria for satisfaction.
但这些都是满意度的标准。
Do you want to hear them?
你想听听他们的声音吗？
Quickly.
迅速地。
Shirley Glass Whether their children were married, so that having single children was a disappointment.
雪莉·格拉斯 (Shirley Glass) 他们的孩子是否已婚，因此独生子女令人失望。
I'm just going to make a little checklist here.
我只是要在这里列一个小清单。
Taking [INAUDIBLE] my own--
拿[听不清]我自己的——
Whether their children lived close by of far away.
他们的孩子住得近还是远。
God, I'm shooting 0 for 2 so far.
天啊，到目前为止我的投篮命中率是 2 投 0 。
Keep going.
继续前进。
Whether their children appreciated them.
他们的孩子是否欣赏他们。
OK.
好的。
I got 1 for 3.
我得到了 1 换 3。
Shirley Glass Whether they had grandchildren.
雪莉·格拉斯 他们是否有孙子。
Somebody announced that one of their children was pregnant with the first grandchild, and everybody went "Ooh," and they clapped.
有人宣布他们的一个孩子怀上了第一个孙子，每个人都“哦”了一声，然后鼓掌。
So that's the epitome.
所以这就是缩影。
Whether their children were successful in their lives.
他们的孩子在生活中是否成功。
How much they liked their child's spouse and got along with them.
他们是多么喜欢自己孩子的配偶，和他们相处得多么融洽。
You told me on the phone earlier something interesting about this.
你之前在电话里告诉过我一些有趣的事情。
Yes.
是的。
I told you that there were several people there who did not like their child's choice of a partner at the time that they got married but had grown to love them very much and in some cases even liked them better than their own child.
我告诉过你，那里有几个人在结婚时不喜欢孩子选择的伴侣，但后来变得非常爱他们，在某些情况下甚至喜欢他们胜过喜欢自己的孩子。
See, now I wonder if that is because there is an inherent tension between children and their adult parents, that the child sometimes wants to be treated as the child and sometimes wants to be treated as an independent adult.
看，现在我想知道这是否是因为孩子和成年父母之间存在固有的紧张关系，孩子有时希望被视为孩子，有时希望被视为独立的成年人。
And for the parent, it's pretty much a hellish guessing game.
对于父母来说，这几乎是一场地狱般的猜谜游戏。
And then-- yeah?
然后——是吗？
Yeah.
是的。
A lot of people talked about walking on egg shells.
很多人都在谈论“如履薄冰”。
And several people said, well, what's the right way to give advice?
有几个人说，那么，给出建议的正确方式是什么？
And of course the answer is, you don't give advice unless somebody asks you for it.
当然，答案是，除非有人要求你提供建议，否则你不会提供建议。
Do you think that this relationship is harder, the relationship between adult children and their parents, is harder on the parents than on the children?
你是否认为这种关系更难，成年子女和父母之间的关系，对父母来说比对孩子更困难？
Yes.
是的。
Because the parents have a dream of how they thought it was going to be, and it seldom matches the dream.
因为父母都有一个他们认为会怎样的梦想，而它很少与梦想相符。
One person said that her children are all single, all live far away, and she said she and her husband are very lonely.
一位网友表示，她的孩子们都是单身，都住得很远，她说她和丈夫都很孤独。
And what's happened, the good part, is that they've gotten much closer to each other because they realized that they were all that they have.
所发生的事情，好的部分是，他们彼此之间的关系变得更加亲密，因为他们意识到他们就是他们所拥有的一切。
Right.
正确的。
Well, Dr. Glass, I'm afraid that this would be about all the time we have for this particular segment of our radio show.
好吧，格拉斯博士，恐怕这将是我们广播节目这一特定部分的所有时间。
Look, I'm glad for any time I can get with my children.
听着，我很高兴能和孩子们在一起。
My mom, Shirley Glass, a therapist in Baltimore.
我的妈妈雪莉·格拉斯 (Shirley Glass) 是巴尔的摩的一名治疗师。
Coming up, a septuagenarian dad hitchhikes.
即将到来，一位七十多岁的父亲搭便车。
[MUSIC - "PARENTS ARE PEOPLE" BY MARLO THOMAS & FRIENDS]
[音乐 - “父母是人”，作者：马洛·托马斯和朋友们]
You know, I've just got to say.
你知道，我只是想说。
I'm just going to interrupt here.
我要在这里打断一下。
When you get into the genre of music about parents, you get into a real sorry lot of music, just a lot of bad music.
当你接触有关父母的音乐类型时，你会接触到很多令人遗憾的音乐，只是很多糟糕的音乐。
I mean, we went on a little collection.
我的意思是，我们进行了一些收集。
We're talking about Cat Stevens' "Father and Son." Let's just-- I don't think I can take this song anymore.
我们正在谈论卡特·史蒂文斯的《父与子》。让我们——我想我再也无法接受这首歌了。
Let's just go for something else.
让我们去做点别的事吧。
[MUSIC - "PISTOL PACKING PAPA" BY JIMMIE RODGERS]
[音乐 - 吉米·罗杰斯的《手枪包装爸爸》]
Act Two, Sandra's Dad.
第二幕，桑德拉的父亲。
Sandra Tsing Loh I insist that this be the last radio commentary about my father.
Sandra Tsing Loh 我坚持认为这是关于我父亲的最后一次广播评论。
OK, maybe I've never talked about him on the radio before.
好吧，也许我以前从未在广播中谈论过他。
I just don't want this to become a habit.
我只是不想让这成为一种习惯。
Sandra Tsing Loh is a writer, composer, pianist, and columnist for Buzz Magazine in Los Angeles.
Sandra Tsing Loh 是洛杉矶 Buzz 杂志的作家、作曲家、钢琴家和专栏作家。
And we're actually going to bring you two stories from her about her father today, about how the adult children in her family deal with her father.
今天我们实际上要给大家带来她的两个关于她父亲的故事，关于她家里的成年子女如何对待她的父亲。
This first story began as a column in Buzz Magazine.
第一个故事始于《Buzz》杂志的专栏。
It also appears in Sandra's book, Depth Takes a Holiday.
它也出现在桑德拉的书《深度假期》中。
At one point, she and I adapted it for radio, and a shortened version of this story on NPR'S Morning Edition.
有一次，她和我将其改编成广播节目，并在 NPR 早间版上制作了这个故事的简短版本。
Here's the whole story.
这是整个故事。
Understand that for years, stories about my father, anecdotes that I thought were throwaways were the only thing anyone would ever remember about me.
要明白，多年来，关于我父亲的故事和我认为是一次性的轶事是人们唯一能记住的关于我的事情。
There I'd stand at parties, one hip jutted out, trying to tell amusing yet compelling stories about myself, at which point the dark-eyed man I was speaking with would lean forward, rest a hand lightly on my arm, and murmur, "You know, I've been wondering for years."
我会站在聚会上，一只臀部突出，试图讲述关于我自己的有趣而又引人入胜的故事，这时与我交谈的黑眼睛男人会向前倾，一只手轻轻地放在我的手臂上，低声说：“你知道，我多年来一直在想这个问题。”
"Yes," I'd breathe.
“是的，”我呼吸道。
A flame would leap into his eyes.
一股火焰会跃入他的眼中。
"How is your dad?
“你爸爸怎么样了？
Does he still wear his underwear backwards and do the Chinese snake dance on Pacific Coast Highway?"
他还会把内裤反穿，在太平洋海岸公路上跳中国蛇舞吗？”
I'd close my eyes in pain.
我会痛苦地闭上眼睛。
"No. Of course not.
“不。当然不是。
Well, yes."
嗯，是的。”
First, let's take a step backwards.
首先，让我们退后一步。
Forget my dad.
忘了我爸爸吧。
Immigrant parents in general tend towards eccentricity, don't they?
移民父母一般都比较古怪，不是吗？
They arrive from the old country, now they have VCRs and Cuisinarts, their children are growing up to be monsters, and worse, the local Ralph's stops carrying pig knuckles.
他们从古老的国家来到这里，现在他们有了录像机和烹饪艺术，他们的孩子正在成长为怪物，更糟糕的是，当地的拉尔夫不再携带猪手。
For the record, my father does not wear his underwear backwards, only his sweaters.
郑重声明，我父亲的内衣没有反穿，只穿毛衣。
When the elbows wear through, you just turn them around and keep going.
当肘部磨损时，您只需将其转动即可继续前进。
And yes, for the record, he did perform the Chinese snake dance for us kids, naked, armed only with a fluttering beach towel as he leaped and twirled, imparting his ancient Chinese folk song with a mournful howl.
是的，郑重声明，他确实为我们这些孩子表演了中国蛇舞，他赤身裸体，只手持一条飘动的沙滩巾，跳跃和旋转，用悲伤的嚎叫传授他古老的中国民歌。
I know this may sound strange, but I've brought my father into the studio today to sing it.
我知道这听起来可能很奇怪，但我今天带我父亲到录音室来唱这首歌。
Papa?
爸爸？
OK.
好的。
This so-called snake song, actually, I borrowed from old Chinese shepherds.
这首所谓的蛇歌，其实是我从中国老牧羊人那里借来的。
So it sounds like this.
所以听起来是这样的。
[SINGING IN CHINESE]
[中文演唱]
Dad's lived in Malibu for some 30 years now, threatening to cause property values to tumble along with him.
父亲在马里布生活了大约 30 年，房产价值可能会随着他一起下跌。
Papa, I'm going to tell this story now the way I tell it.
爸爸，我现在要按照我的方式讲述这个故事。
So I hope you're not embarrassed, OK?
所以我希望你不要感到尴尬，好吗？
OK.
好的。
What choice do I have?
我有什么选择？
Sandra Tsing Loh Once a neighbor called the police to complain.
Sandra Tsing Loh 有一次，一位邻居打电话报警投诉。
My father was hanging out his old underpants to dry, Shanghai-style, on clotheslines strung out in front of the garage.
我父亲正在车库前挂着的晾衣绳上，用上海风格把他的旧内裤晾干。
The underpants had holes in them.
内裤上有破洞。
The complaint calls eventually stopped, but questions remain.
投诉电话最终停止了，但问题仍然存在。
Does my father, a retired aerospace engineer with science degrees from Stanford, Purdue, and Caltech, have to wear old underpants with holes in them?
我的父亲是一位退休的航空航天工程师，拥有斯坦福大学、普渡大学和加州理工学院的科学学位，他是否必须穿着破洞的旧内裤？
Is this a person who can afford, say, new underpants and a Maytag dryer, perhaps?
这个人也许能买得起新内裤和美泰烘干机吗？
"Why, yes," would have to be the answer.
答案一定是“为什么，是的”。
Right, papa?
对吧，爸爸？
Yeah.
是的。
Sandra Tsing Loh My father is one of those people who have untold stocks, bonds, mutual funds, IRAs, whatever, that they are continually shifting from one account to the next.
Sandra Tsing Loh 我的父亲是那些拥有数不清的股票、债券、共同基金、个人退休账户等等的人之一，他们不断地从一个账户转移到另一个账户。
For all his money, though, my father has always transported himself in and out of Malibu via hitchhiking.
尽管我父亲有那么多钱，但他总是通过搭便车进出马里布。
Yes, he owns his own car.
是的，他拥有自己的汽车。
He even bought me one, a Hyundai.
他甚至给我买了一辆现代汽车。
He had to shelter income.
他必须庇护收入。
But he doesn't like to drive.
但他不喜欢开车。
Say why.
说说为什么。
Oh, because the pollution.
哦，因为污染。
Also, the [INAUDIBLE], they only have 50 years.
另外，[听不清]，他们只有 50 年的时间。
So we have to save this for the next, next generation.
所以我们必须把它留给下一代。
HItchhiking, you can meet lots of people.
搭便车，你可以认识很多人。
Now, beloved listeners, this is my commentary, so I'm going to try and give you my point of view, what I see.
现在，亲爱的听众，这是我的评论，所以我将尝试向你们表达我的观点和我所看到的。
Usually I'm driving through Santa Monica and I'll come by, let's say, the corner of Wilshire and 4th.
通常我开车经过圣莫尼卡，会经过 Wilshire 和 4th 的拐角处。
And there my father will be standing, clutching his lucky grocery bag of scientific papers trying to flag down a ride.
我父亲会站在那里，手里抓着他幸运的装满科学论文的杂货袋，试图拦住一趟车。
I'll never not pick him up.
我永远不会不去接他。
That would be a little too how-sharp-the-sepant's-tooth.
这有点太锋利了。
But I have been tempted to just put my foot on the gas pedal and race towards the Pacific happy and free like somebody who's 75-year-old dad is not still copping rides from the public.
但我很想踩下油门，快乐而自由地奔向太平洋，就像 75 岁的父亲不再接受公众的乘车服务一样。
OK.
好的。
This is your section.
这是你的部分。
OK, let's talk about the day you got the really good ride.
好的，我们来谈谈您获得真正美好旅程的那一天。
And where were you standing?
而你当时站在哪里？
Well, I always get good rides.
嗯，我总是能得到很好的乘车体验。
But that was an especially good ride.
但这是一次特别好的旅程。
I had just come from the dentist's office in the late afternoon on Wilshire Boulevard near Western.
下午晚些时候，我刚从西区附近威尔希尔大道的牙医诊所回来。
And the first car stopped.
第一辆车停了下来。
A very gracious lady looked like Loretta Young, she drove up--
一位非常和蔼可亲的女士，看起来像洛丽塔·杨，她开车过来——
Looked like who?
看起来像谁？
Eugene Loh Loretta Young.
尤金·罗洛雷塔·杨。
You don't know, because very old movie star, very gracious lady.
你不知道，因为非常老的电影明星，非常亲切的女士。
Loretta Young.
洛丽塔·杨。
No, it's American.
不，这是美国的。
Loretta.
洛蕾塔。
Sandra Tsing Loh Oh, Loretta Young.
吴君如、Loretta Young。
Loretta Young, I'm sorry.
洛丽塔·杨，对不起。
Sandra Tsing Loh I thought you were saying Lori-Tai Young.
Sandra Tsing Loh 我以为你说的是 Lori-Tai Young。
OK, Loretta Young.
好的，洛丽塔·杨。
And she was very gracious, without no hesitation let me in the backseat of her four-door Mercedes sedan.
她非常客气，毫不犹豫地让我坐在她的四门奔驰轿车的后座上。
Because in the front seat, the passenger seat was occupied by a young man.
因为前排座位上，副驾驶座上坐着一个年轻人。
So then we talk of different things.
然后我们谈论不同的事情。
I say, what kind of business you people in?
我说，你们从事什么行业？
They say movie business.
他们说电影生意。
Ah, I says, that's exciting.
啊，我说，那太令人兴奋了。
You said she had known a lot about Chinese opera and film?
你说她对戏曲电影了解很多？
Oh, yes.
哦是的。
We discussed many Chinese movies.
我们讨论了很多中国电影。
So she knows quite a lot.
所以她知道的事情还蛮多的。
And then somehow we talk about the Clintons.
然后我们就以某种方式谈论克林顿夫妇。
And the lady said, "Yeah, I like both Hillary and Bill.
这位女士说：“是的，我喜欢希拉里和比尔。
We were in The White House recently."
我们最近在白宫。”
Then I say, "What's your name?"
然后我说：“你叫什么名字？”
I say, "Wow.
我说：“哇。
I don't go movies so I don't know much movie stars.
我不看电影，所以我不认识很多电影明星。
But I do know Huston family.
但我确实认识休斯顿家族。
Because your father, John Huston passed, a few years, away.
因为你的父亲约翰·休斯顿去世了几年。
I haven't kept track on your family's story."
我没有追踪过你家人的故事。”
Note that that's an important point for my father.
请注意，这对我父亲来说很重要。
Because unlike Ms. Huston, I didn't go into my father's business, science, and it's been a little disappointing.
因为与休斯顿女士不同，我没有涉足父亲的商业和科学领域，这有点令人失望。
But she gave you a letter, right?
但她给了你一封信，对吗？
I asked her, "Can you give me your autograph?" So finally, she turned an envelope back.
我问她：“你能给我你的签名吗？”最后，她把一个信封退回了。
It says like this-- "To Mr. Loh.
它是这样写的——“致罗先生。
It was a pleasure to have you in my car." Then a heart with two wings.
很高兴你能坐我的车。”然后是一颗有两个翅膀的心。
Then "Love, Anjelica Huston." Then down there "XXXX." Being Chinese, I don't know what the "XXX" means.
然后是“爱你，安杰丽卡·休斯顿”。然后下面就是“XXXX”。作为中国人，我不知道“XXX”是什么意思。
Then later, I asked my friend.
后来我问我朋友。
They said, "That's kissing, kissing, kissing."
他们说：“那是接吻，接吻，接吻。”
OK.
好的。
So there's the story.
这就是故事。
Here's the way I remember my dad first telling me and ending this.
这是我记得父亲第一次告诉我并结束这一切的方式。
I remember you said that while Anjelica Huston was a good ride, she wasn't a dream ride.
我记得你说过，虽然安杰丽卡·休斯顿（Anjelica Huston）是一个很好的旅程，但她并不是一个梦想的旅程。
Because she had this friend to drop off in Beverly Hills, which took you a little out of your way.
因为她有一个朋友要去比佛利山庄，这让你有点不方便。
And at that point, it would've been quicker for you to take the crosstown bus because you had to transfer.
到那时，您乘坐跨城巴士会更快，因为您必须换乘。
But by then, I remember you lowered your voice, you're an expert in such delicate matters of decorum, and you said that you thought at that point, getting out might be a little rude.
但那时，我记得你压低了声音，你是这种微妙礼仪问题的专家，你说你当时认为，出去可能有点粗鲁。
Papa, why don't you just take us out with a song?
爸爸，你为什么不唱首歌带我们出去呢？
This song, usually I sing it with my wife.
这首歌，我通常和我的妻子一起唱。
Since today Sandra didn't invite my wife, I have to let her stay in the kitchen at home.
由于今天桑德拉没有邀请我的妻子，我只好让她呆在家里的厨房里。
This song describes some young woman longing for her lover.
这首歌描述了一位年轻女子对她的爱人的渴望。
Sounds like this.
听起来是这样的。
[SINGING IN CHINESE]
[中文演唱]
Sandra Tsing Loh and her father in Los Angeles.
Sandra Tsing Loh 和她的父亲在洛杉矶。
This music, by the way, is also by Sandra.
顺便说一句，这首音乐也是桑德拉创作的。
She composes and performs.
她作曲并表演。
This is from her album, Piano Vision.
这是她的专辑《Piano Vision》中的一首歌曲。
They play this music sometimes on Morning Edition.
他们有时会在早间版上播放这种音乐。
After the little news breaks, sometimes you can hear these little piano riffs from this record.
小新闻发布后，有时你可以听到这张唱片中的这些小钢琴连复段。
Anyway, more parents and adult children coming up.
不管怎样，更多的父母和成年子女即将到来。
[MUSIC - "ALL APOLOGIES" BY SINEAD O'CONNOR]
[音乐 - SINEAD O'CONNOR 的《所有道歉》]
[MUSIC - "BE A FATHER TO YOUR CHILD" BY ED O.G.
[音乐 - ED O.G. 的《成为你孩子的父亲》
& DA BULLDOGS]
& DA斗牛犬]
Coming up, Sandra Tsing Loh, her father, and his new mail-order Chinese brides.
即将登场的是 Sandra Tsing Loh、她的父亲和他的新邮购中国新娘。
That's in a minute from Public Radio International when our program continues.
一分钟后，国际公共广播电台将继续我们的节目。
It's This American Life .
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week, of course, on our program, we invite a variety of writers and performers to tackle some theme that we choose.
当然，每周，在我们的节目中，我们都会邀请各种作家和表演者来解决我们选择的一些主题。
Our theme today is families in which the parents and the children see the story of their family in radically different ways.
我们今天的主题是父母和孩子以截然不同的方式看待家庭故事的家庭。
And rather than have a whole big bunch of different kinds of performers, actually we're only having one performer on the show today, Sandra Loh.
实际上，我们今天的节目中只有一位表演者，Sandra Loh，而不是一大群不同类型的表演者。
And we have arrived at Act Three of our program.
我们已经到了我们计划的第三幕了。
This is a story called "My Father's Chinese Wives." Sandra has performed this a lot around Los Angeles and, most recently, in New York City in a show called Aliens in America.
这是一个叫做《我父亲的中国妻子》的故事。桑德拉（Sandra）在洛杉矶各地表演过很多次，最近还在纽约市的一场名为《外星人在美国》的节目中表演过。
My father has decided at age 70 to take a Chinese wife.
我父亲70岁时决定娶一个中国妻子。
He has written his family in Shanghai seeking their help in locating likely candidates.
他写信给上海的家人寻求帮助，寻找可能的候选人。
He has good confidence in this project.
他对这个项目充满信心。
He's hoping to be married in six months.
他希望六个月后结婚。
Let's unpeel this news one layer at a time.
让我们一层一层地揭开这个新闻。
Question, is my father even what one would consider marriageable at this point?
问题是，我的父亲现在是否适合结婚？
At age 70, my father, a retired Chinese aerospace engineer, is starting to look more and more like somebody's gardener.
我的父亲是一位退休的中国航空航天工程师，70 岁时，他开始看起来越来越像某人的园丁。
His feet shuffle along the patio in their broken sandals.
他的脚穿着破烂的凉鞋沿着露台拖着脚步。
He stoops to pull out one or two stray weeds, coughing phlegmatically.
他弯下腰拔掉一两棵杂草，咳嗽得很痰。
Later, he sits in a rattan chair and eats leathery green vegetables in brown sauce, his old eyes slitted wearily.
随后，他坐在藤椅上，吃着红酱里的皮革绿色蔬菜，苍老的眼睛疲倦地眯着。
At times, he almost seems to be overacting this lizardy old part.
有时，他似乎把这个蜥蜴老角色演得太过分了。
He milks it.
他挤奶。
"I am old now," he'll say with a certain studied poignance.
“我现在老了，”他会带着某种刻意的辛酸说道。
"I am just your crazy old Chinese father." If he's that old, why does he still do the same vigorous daily exercise regime he's done for the past 10 years?
“我只是你疯狂的中国老父亲。”如果他已经那么老了，为什么他仍然坚持过去 10 年来每天进行的剧烈运动呢？
45 minutes of pull-ups, something that looks like The Twist and much unfocused bellowing.
45 分钟的引体向上，看起来像《The Twist》，还有很多不专心的咆哮。
This always performed on the most public beach as possible in his favorite Speedo, one he found in a dumpster.
他总是穿着他在垃圾箱里找到的最喜欢的 Speedo，在尽可能公共的海滩上表演。
No, crazy old Chinese father is, in truth, a code word, a rationalization for the fact that my father has always had a hard time spending money.
不，“疯狂的中国老父亲”实际上是一个暗语，是对我父亲花钱总是很困难这一事实的合理化。
Why buy a leather briefcase to take to work when an empty Frosted Flakes cereal box will do just as well?
如果一个空的磨砂片麦片盒也能带去上班，为什么还要买一个皮革公文包呢？
Papers slip down neatly inside, pens can be clipped conveniently on either end.
纸张整齐地滑入内部，笔可以方便地夹在两端。
Why buy Bounty paper towels when at work he can just walk down the hall to the washroom, open the dispenser, and list out a stack.
为什么要在工作时购买 Bounty 纸巾？他可以沿着大厅走到洗手间，打开分配器，列出一叠纸巾。
They're free.
他们是免费的。
He can bring home as many as we want.
他可以带我们想带多少人回家。
If you've worn the same sweater for so many years that the elbows wear out, turn it around.
如果你穿同一件毛衣这么多年，肘部都磨损了，那就把它翻过来。
Get another decade out of it.
再过十年。
Wear it backwards.
反着穿。
Which is why, to this day, my father wears only crew-neck, not V-neck sweaters.
这就是为什么直到今天，我父亲只穿圆领毛衣，而不是 V 领毛衣。
"Terrific," is my older sister Kaitlin's response when I phone her with the news.
当我打电话告诉我姐姐凯特琳这个消息时，她的回答是“太棒了”。
Bear in mind that Kaitlin has not seen my father since the mid-80s, preferring to nurture bad memories of him independently via a therapist.
请记住，凯特琳自 80 年代中期以来就没有见过我父亲，她更喜欢通过治疗师独立培养对他的不好的记忆。
She allows herself a laugh, laying aside her customary dull hostility for a moment of more jocular hostility.
她放声大笑，抛开一贯的沉闷敌意，转而表现出更加滑稽的敌意。
"So who does he think would want to marry him?"
“那么他认为谁会愿意嫁给他呢？”
"Oh, good," she exclaims.
“哦，太好了，”她惊呼道。
"That narrows down the field to, what, half a billion?
“这将范围缩小到了，什么，五亿？
No. As usual, he's doing this to punish us.
不，和往常一样，他这样做是为了惩罚我们。
Think about it," she continues, with her usual chilling logic, "he marries a German woman the first time around.
想想看，”她继续说道，用她一贯的令人不寒而栗的逻辑，“他第一次娶了一个德国女人。
It's a disaster-- you and I symbolize that-- because he's passive-aggressive and he's cheap.
这是一场灾难——你和我都象征着这一点——因为他是被动攻击型的，而且他很廉价。
But no. To him, it's that rebellious, Aryan strain that's the problem.
但没有。对他来说，问题在于叛逆的雅利安人。
You take an Asian immigrant just off the boat, for example.
例如，你带着一位刚下船的亚洲移民。
Here's a woman fleeing a life of oppression under a Communist government and no public sanitation and working in a bicycle factory for $0.10 an hour and repeated floggings every hour on the hour, every day of every week of every month of every year.
这是一名妇女逃离共产主义政府压迫的生活，没有公共卫生设施，在一家自行车工厂工作，每小时 0.10 美元，每小时、每周、每月、每天都在重复鞭打。
After that, living with our father might seem like just another bizarre incident of some kind."
在那之后，和我们父亲住在一起似乎只是另一件奇怪的事件。”
"It could happen." Kaitlin scores some compelling points, but nonetheless, I'm bothered for a different reason.
“这有可能发生。”凯特琳得到了一些令人信服的分数，但尽管如此，我还是因为不同的原因而感到困扰。
Because in describing the potential new wife, he has used only that one adjective, "Chinese." He has not said, "I'm looking for a smart wife," or even "a fat wife." He has picked "Chinese." That word is meant to stand for so much.
因为在描述这位潜在的新妻子时，他只用了一个形容词：“中国人”。他没有说过“我要找一个聪明的妻子”，甚至“一个胖的妻子”。他选择了“中国人”。这个词意味着很多。
Asian.
亚洲人。
Asian women.
亚洲女性。
Young Asian ladies.
年轻的亚洲女士。
It is a month later and, as if in a dream, I sit at the worn, Formica family dining room table with my father, photos and letters spread out before us.
一个月后，我和父亲坐在破旧的福米卡家庭餐桌旁，就像在梦中一样，照片和信件摊在我们面前。
Since my father has written to Shanghai, the mail has come pouring in.
自从我父亲写信给上海以来，邮件纷至沓来。
I have to face the fact that my father is, well, hot.
我必须面对这样一个事实：我的父亲很性感。
"You see?" he says.
“你看到了吗？”他说。
"Seven women have written.
“有七位女性写信。
Ha." He beams, his gold molar glinting.
哈。”他微笑着，金色的臼齿闪闪发光。
He drinks steaming green tea from a chipped laboratory beaker which he handles with a Beauty and the Beast potholder.
他用一个有缺口的实验室烧杯喝热气腾腾的绿茶，并用美女与野兽隔热垫握住烧杯。
Remarkably, my father doesn't make the least effort to mask his delight, no matter how inappropriate.
值得注意的是，我的父亲并没有做出任何努力来掩饰他的喜悦，无论多么不恰当。
He is old now.
他现在老了。
He can do whatever the hell he wants, is how I now understand it.
他可以为所欲为，这是我现在的理解。
With a sigh, I turn to the photos.
我叹了口气，转向照片。
And in spite of myself, I am wowed.
我不由自主地感到惊叹。
Tsao Pa, Ling Ling, Siu Pai.
曹霸、玲玲、小白。
28, administrative assistant.
28、行政助理。
47, owner of a seamstress business.
47 岁，裁缝店老板。
39, freelance beautician.
39、自由美容师。
The words jump off the pages, both in English and Chinese translations.
无论是英文还是中文，这些文字都跃然纸上。
These women are dynamos, achievers, with curly black hair, in turtlenecks, jauntily riding bicycles, seated squarely on cannons before military museums, standing proudly with three, full-grown daughters.
这些女性都是活力四射、成就卓著的女性，留着黑卷发，穿着高领毛衣，欢快地骑着自行车，端正地坐在军事博物馆前的大炮上，自豪地与三个成年女儿站在一起。
One thing unites them.
有一件事将他们团结在一起。
They're all ready to leap off the mainland at the drop of a hat.
他们已经做好了随时跃出大陆的准备。
And don't think their careers and hobbies are going to keep them from being terrific wives.
不要认为她们的职业和爱好会阻止她们成为出色的妻子。
Quite the opposite.
恰恰相反。
Several already have excellent experience, including one who's been married twice already.
其中一些人已经拥有出色的经历，其中包括一位已经结过两次婚的人。
The seamstress has sent him shorts and several pairs of socks.
裁缝给他送来了短裤和几双袜子。
There's much talk of seven-course meals and ironing and terrific expertise in gardening.
人们对七道菜的膳食、熨烫和园艺方面的精湛专业知识有很多谈论。
Super achievement is a major theme that applies to all.
超级成就是一个适用于所有人的主题。
But the biggest star of all, of course, is my father.
但其中最大的明星当然是我的父亲。
He clears his throat and gleefully reads from a letter by one Liu Sun.
他清了清嗓子，兴高采烈地读着刘孙写的一封信。
It reads, "Dr. Loh, your family has told me of your excellent scientific genius and your many awards.
上面写着：“博士。哦，你的家人告诉我你杰出的科学天才和许多奖项。
I respect academic scholarship very highly and would be honored to meet you on your next visit."
我非常尊重学术奖学金，很荣幸在您下次访问时见到您。”
"You see," my father chuckles.
“你看，”我父亲笑着说。
They have a lot of respect for me in China.
在中国他们非常尊重我。
When I go there, they treat me like President Bush.
当我去那里时，他们像布什总统一样对待我。
Free drinks, free meals.
免费饮料，免费餐食。
I do not pay for anything."
我不支付任何费用。”
"He had his chance.
“他有机会。
He got married once for 25 years.
25年来，他结过一次婚。
He was a terrible husband and a worse father." Kaitlin is weighing in.
他是一个糟糕的丈夫，也是一个糟糕的父亲。”凯特琳正在权衡。
All jokes are off.
所有的笑话都消失了。
Her fury blazes away, further aggravated by the fact that she is going through a divorce and hates her $50,000-a-year job.
她怒火中烧，而她正在离婚并且讨厌自己年薪 5 万美元的工作，这一事实进一步加剧了她的愤怒。
Her monthly Nordstrom bills are astronomical.
她每月的 Nordstrom 账单是天文数字。
MCI is positively crackling.
MCI 的表现非常出色。
"He's a single man," I say.
“他是一个单身汉，”我说。
"Mom's been gone for 12 years now."
“妈妈已经离开我们12年了。”
"And now he gets a second try?
“现在他还有第二次尝试吗？
Just like that?" Kaitlin exclaims.
就这样吗？”凯特琳惊呼道。
"Clean slate?
“干净的石板？
Start right over?
重新开始？
Buy a wife?
买老婆？
It makes me sick.
这让我感到恶心。
He is totally unqualified to sustain a marriage.
他根本没有资格维持婚姻。
A family structure of any kind collapses around him.
任何类型的家庭结构都在他周围崩溃。
Do you even remember one happy Christmas?"
你还记得一个快乐的圣诞节吗？”
Twinkling lights and tinsel suddenly swirl before me.
闪烁的灯光和金属丝突然在我面前旋转。
And looking deeper, through green foliage, I see my mother looking beautiful and crisp in lipstick and pearls, her wavy, auburn hair done.
再往深处看，透过绿色的树叶，我看到我的母亲涂着口红，戴着珍珠，看起来美丽又清爽，她的卷发是赤褐色的。
Except for the fact that she is hysterical.
除了她歇斯底里这一事实之外。
And my father, his face a mask of disgust so extreme it is almost [UNINTELLIGIBLE], is holding his overpriced new V-neck tennis sweater from Saks out in front of him like it was a dead animal.
而我的父亲，他的脸上带着厌恶的表情，极度厌恶，几乎[无法辨认]，他手里拿着他那件价格过高的 Saks 新 V 领网球毛衣，就像它是一只死去的动物一样。
"I try to block it out," is what I say.
“我试图阻止它，”我就是这么说的。
"Well, I was six years older than you so I can't." Kaitlin's pain is raw.
“好吧，我比你大六岁，所以我不能。”凯特琳的痛苦是剧烈的。
"Why does he deserve to be happy now?
“为什么他现在值得幸福？
He made Mama miserable all her lifetime.
他让妈妈一生都痛苦不堪。
He was so cheap.
他真是太便宜了。
I think she was almost glad to go as soon as she did.
我想她一去就很高兴。
A $70 dress, leaving the heater on overnight, too much spent on a nice, steak dinner.
一件价值 70 美元的连衣裙，整夜都开着暖气，在一顿美味的牛排晚餐上花了太多钱。
He could never let anything go.
他永远不能放开任何事情。
He could never just let it go.
他永远不能就这样放手。
He just could not-- let-- things-- go."
他就是不能——放开——事情。”
Meanwhile, on its own gentle time clock, unsullied by the raging doubts of his two daughters, my father's project bursts into flower.
与此同时，在自己温和的时钟上，没有受到两个女儿强烈怀疑的玷污，我父亲的项目开始开花结果。
And 47-year-old Liu, the writer of the magic letter, is the lucky winner.
47岁的刘先生，这封神奇信件的作者，是幸运的获奖者。
Within three months, she's flown to Los Angeles.
三个月内，她飞往洛杉矶。
She and my father are married a week later.
一周后她和我父亲结婚了。
I do not get to meet her right away, but my father fills me in on the stats.
我无法立即见到她，但我父亲向我提供了统计数据。
And I have to confess, I'm surprised at how urban she is, how modern.
我必须承认，我对她的都市感和现代感感到惊讶。
Liu is a divorcee with, well, ambitions in the entertainment business.
刘是一位离婚者，但她对娱乐业抱有雄心。
Although she speaks no English, she seems to be an expert on American culture.
虽然她不会说英语，但她似乎是美国文化的专家。
The fact that Los Angeles is near Hollywood has not escaped her.
她没有忽视洛杉矶靠近好莱坞的事实。
This is made clear to me one Sunday evening three weeks later via telephone.
三周后的一个周日晚上，我通过电话向我明确了这一点。
"I know you have friends in the entertainment business," my father declares.
“我知道你在娱乐界有朋友，”我父亲宣称。
He has never fully grasped the fact that I am a typist and that Swanson's Films clients include such Oscar contenders as Kraft Foods and Motorola.
他从来没有完全了解我是一名打字员，而斯旺森电影公司的客户包括卡夫食品和摩托罗拉等奥斯卡竞争者。
"Aside from having knitted me a sweater and playing the piano," my father continues, "you should know that Liu is an excellent singer." Turning away from the phone, he and his new wife exchange a series of staccato reports in Mandarin which mean nothing to me.
“除了给我织毛衣、弹钢琴之外，”我父亲继续说道，“你应该知道刘是一位出色的歌手。”放下电话，他和他的新婚妻子用普通话断断续续地交换了一系列对我来说毫无意义的报告。
"I'm sure Liu is quite accomplished," I reply.
“我确信刘非常有成就，”我回答道。
"It's just that--"
“只是这样——”
"Oh, she is terrific," my father exclaims, shocked that I could be calling Liu's musical talent into question.
“哦，她太棒了，”我父亲惊呼道，他对我竟然质疑刘的音乐天赋感到震惊。
"You want to hear her sing?
“你想听她唱歌吗？
Here, here.
这里，这里。
I will put her on the phone right now." Creeping into my father's voice is a tremulous tone that's sickeningly familiar.
我现在就给她打电话。”父亲的声音里透着一种颤抖的语气，熟悉得令人作呕。
How many times had I heard it during my childhood as I was pushed towards the piano kicking and screaming?
我小时候听过多少次，当我被推向钢琴时又踢又叫？
How many times?
多少次？
But that was 20 years ago.
但那是20年前的事了。
I gulped terror back down.
我把恐惧咽了回去。
I live in my own apartment now, full of director's chairs, potted ficuses, and Matisse posters.
我现在住在自己的公寓里，里面摆满了导演椅、盆栽榕树和马蒂斯的海报。
I will be fine.
我会没事的。
My father has moved on to a totally new [?
我父亲已经转向一个全新的[？
pushy ?] who picks up the phone, clears his throat, then bursts out triumphantly [SINGING IN CHINESE]
咄咄逼人？]谁拿起电话，清了清嗓子，然后得意洋洋地爆发了[中文歌]
"I have left you, Dr. Loh, and taken the Toyota.
“我已经离开你了，罗博士，并开走了那辆丰田车。
So there." Five weeks later, Liu just packs her suitcase, makes some sandwiches and takes off in the family Toyota.
那么就在那里。”五周后，刘收拾好行李，做了一些三明治，就开着家里的丰田车出发了。
She leaves her note on the same Formica family dining room table at which she'd first won my father's heart.
她把字条留在了福米卡家庭餐桌上，也是她第一次赢得了我父亲的心。
My father is in shock.
我父亲很震惊。
Then again, he's philosophical.
话又说回来，他很有哲学。
"That Liu, she was bad, that one.
“那个刘，她很坏，那个。
[SPITS] She says I do not like to give her gifts.
[SPITS] 她说我不喜欢送她礼物。
She says I do not like to go out at night, and it is true.
她说我不喜欢晚上出去，这是事实。
I do not.
我不知道。
But I say go.
但我说走吧。
See your friends in Chinatown.
在唐人街见见你的朋友。
It is OK with me.
我觉得没问题。
I like it better when she leaves the house sometimes.
我更喜欢她有时离开家。
It is more quiet.
比较安静。
But Liu does not want to take the bus.
但刘不想坐公交车。
She wants to drive the car.
她想开车。
But you know me.
但你认识我。
I am your crazy old Chinese father.
我是你疯狂的中国老父亲。
I do not like to pay for her auto insurance." And then he actually says, "As with many Asians, Liu is a very bad driver."
我不想支付她的汽车保险。”然后他实际上说：“与许多亚洲人一样，刘是一个非常糟糕的司机。”
"Ha," is Kaitlin's only comment.
“哈，”这是凯特琳唯一的评论。
"Isn't it interesting how he seems to repel even his own kind?"
“他似乎连自己的同类都排斥，这不是很有趣吗？”
Summer turns to fall in Southern California, causing the palm trees to sway a bit.
南加州的夏季转入秋季，棕榈树有些摇晃。
The divorce is soon final, Liu's settlement including $10,000, the microwave, and the Toyota.
离婚很快就敲定了，刘的和解金包括 10,000 美元、微波炉和丰田汽车。
Never one to dwell, my father has picked out a new bride, Zhu Ping, 37, homemaker from the Guangzhou province.
家里无人居住，我父亲挑选了一位新新娘，朱萍，37 岁，来自广州的家庭主妇。
I groan.
我呻吟着。
"But no, Zhu Ping is very good," my father insists.
“但是不，朱平非常好，”我父亲坚持说。
He has had several phone conversations with her.
他已与她通过几次电话。
"And she comes very highly recommended, not, I have to say, like Liu.
“她受到了强烈推荐，我不得不说，她不像刘那样。
She was bad, that one.
那个她很坏。
[SPITS] Zhu Ping is very sensible and hardworking.
[吐沫]朱平很懂事，也很勤奋。
She has had a tough life.
她的生活很艰难。
Boy.
男孩。
She worked in a coal mine in Manchuria until she was 25 years old.
她在满洲的一个煤矿工作直到25岁。
The winters there were very, very bitter.
那里的冬天非常非常寒冷。
She had to make her own shoes and clothing.
她必须自己做鞋子和衣服。
Then she worked on a farming collective where she raised cattle and grew many different kinds of crops by herself."
然后她在一个农业集体工作，在那里她自己养牛并种植许多不同种类的农作物。”
"I'm sure she's going to fit in really well in Los Angeles," I say.
“我确信她会很好地融入洛杉矶，”我说。
Zhu Ping, indeed, is a difference sort.
朱平确实是一个与众不同的人。
The news, to my astonishment, comes from Kaitlin.
令我惊讶的是，这个消息来自凯特琳。
"I received--" Her voice trails off, the very words seeming to elude her.
“我收到——”她的声音逐渐变弱，似乎连这几个字都听不清了。
"A birthday card from Papa and Zhu Ping." My sister continues in a kind of trance of matter-of-factness, as if describing some curious archaeological artifact.
“爸爸和朱平寄来的生日贺卡。”我姐姐继续以一种就事论事的恍惚状态，仿佛在描述一些奇怪的考古文物。
"On the cover, there is a clown holding balloons.
“封面上有一个拿着气球的小丑。
It's from Hallmark.
来自霍尔马克。
Inside, in gold lettering, cursive, it reads, 'Happy birthday, love Zhu Ping and your Daddy.'"
里面用金字草书写着：“生日快乐，爱朱平和你的爸爸。”
"Your what?" "I think Zhu Ping put him up to this.
“你的什么？” “我认为是朱平让他这么做的。
The envelope is not addressed in his handwriting.
信封上没有他的笔迹。
Nonetheless," Kaitlin thinks it over, concurs with herself, "yes, yes.
尽管如此，”凯特琳想了想，同意自己的说法，“是的，是的。
I believe this is the first birthday card I've ever received from him in my life.
我相信这是我一生中从他那里收到的第一张生日贺卡。
The first.
第一个。
It's totally bizarre."
这太奇怪了。”
A week later, Kaitlin receives birthday gifts in the mail.
一周后，凯特琳收到邮寄的生日礼物。
A sweater, hand-knit by Zhu Ping, a box of moon cakes, a bunch of orchids.
一件朱平亲手编织的毛衣，一盒月饼，一束兰花。
She is flipping out.
她快要疯了。
"Oh no," she worries, "now I really have to call and thank her.
“哦，不，”她担心，“现在我真的必须打电话感谢她。
I mean, the poor woman probably has no friends in America.
我的意思是，这个可怜的女人在美国可能没有朋友。
Who knows what he's having her do?
谁知道他要她做什么？
We may be her only link to society."
我们可能是她与社会的唯一联系。”
Kaitlin finally does call, managing to catch Zhu Ping when my father is out on the beach doing his exercises.
凯特琳终于打电话来了，当我父亲在海滩上锻炼时，她成功接住了朱平。
Although Zhu Ping's English is very broken, she somehow convinces Kaitlin to fly down for a visit.
尽管朱萍的英语很蹩脚，但她还是说服凯特琳飞下来拜访。
It will be Kaitlin's first trip home since our mother's passing and my first meeting of either of my father's two Chinese wives.
这将是凯特琳自从母亲去世后第一次回家，也是我第一次见到我父亲的两个中国妻子。
I pull up the familiar driveway in my Geo.
我把车停在我的 Geo 熟悉的车道上。
Neither Kaitlin nor I say anything.
凯特琳和我都没有说什么。
We peer out the windows.
我们向窗外望去。
The yard doesn't look too bad.
院子看起来也不算太糟糕。
There are new sprinklers and a kind of intricate irrigation system made of a network of ingeniously placed rain gutters.
这里有新的洒水装置和一种复杂的灌溉系统，该系统由巧妙放置的雨水槽网络组成。
Soil has been turned, and thoughtfully.
土已翻，若有所思。
Cypruses have been trimmed.
塞浦路斯已被削减。
Enormous bundles of weeds flank the driveway, as though for some momentous occasion.
车道两侧长满了巨大的杂草，好像是为了某种重要的场合。
We ring the doorbell.
我们按门铃。
Neither of us have had keys to the house in years.
我们俩已经很多年没有拿到房子钥匙了。
The door opens.
门打开了。
A short, somewhat plump Chinese woman in round glasses and a perfect bowl haircut beams at us.
一位身材矮小、有点胖的中国女人戴着圆框眼镜，留着完美的碗形发型，对我们微笑。
She's wearing a bright yellow "I Hate Housework" apron that my mother was once given as a gag gift and I think never wore.
她穿着一条亮黄色的围裙，上面写着“我讨厌做家务”，这是我母亲曾经作为恶作剧礼物送给我的，我想她从来没有穿过。
"Kat-lin!
“凯特琳！
Sand-wa!" she exclaims in what seems like authentic joy, embracing us.
沙哇！”她拥抱着我们，似乎是真正的喜悦，大喊道。
She is laughing and almost crying with emotion.
她激动得笑得几乎要哭了。
In spite of myself, giggles begin to well up from inside me, as if from a spring.
不由自主地，咯咯的笑声开始从我的内心涌出，仿佛从泉水中涌出。
I can't help it.
我无能为力。
I feel warm and euphoric.
我感到温暖和欣快。
Authentic joy is contagious.
真正的快乐是有感染力的。
Who cares who this woman is?
谁在乎这个女人是谁？
No one has been this happy to see me in ages.
已经很久没有人这么高兴见到我了。
"Welcome home," Zhu Ping says, with careful emphasis.
“欢迎回家，”朱平小心翼翼地强调道。
She turns to Caitlin, a shadow falling over her face.
她转向凯特琳，阴影落在她的脸上。
"I am so glad you finally come home to see you daddy," she says in a low, sorrowful voice.
“我很高兴你终于回家见到你爸爸了，”她用低沉而悲伤的声音说道。
She looks over her shoulder.
她回头看去。
"He old now." Then, as if exhausted by that effort, Zhu Ping collapses into giggles.
“他现在老了。”然后，朱平仿佛被这样的努力弄得筋疲力尽，咯咯地笑了起来。
I sneak a glance over at Kaitlin, whose expression seems to be straining somewhere between joy and nausea.
我偷偷看了凯特琳一眼，她的表情似乎介于喜悦和恶心之间。
I jump nervously in.
我紧张地跳进去。
"It's so nice to finally meet you.
“终于见到你真是太好了。
How do you like Los Angeles?
你喜欢洛杉矶吗？
I've heard so much about your cooking."
我听说过很多关于你的厨艺的事。”
My father goes off to put some music on his new CD player.
我父亲去给他的新 CD 播放器放一些音乐。
"That bad Liu made me buy it," he exclaims.
“那个坏刘让我买了它，”他惊呼道。
"But it is nice."
“但这很好。”
Zhu Ping bustles into the kitchen.
朱平匆忙走进厨房。
"Dinner ready in five minute," she declares.
“五分钟后晚餐就准备好了，”她宣布。
Kaitlin waits a beat, then pulls me aside into the bathroom and slams the door.
凯特琳等了一会儿，然后把我拉进浴室，关上门。
"This is so weird," she hisses.
“这太奇怪了，”她嘶嘶地说。
We have not stood together in this bathroom for some 15 years.
我们已经有 15 年没有一起站在这个浴室里了。
It seems somehow different.
似乎有些不同。
I notice that the wallpaper is faded, the towels are new.
我注意到壁纸褪色了，毛巾是新的。
But no, it's something else.
但不，这是别的东西。
On one wall is my mother's framed reproduction of the brown da Vinci etching called Praying Hands which she had always kept in her sewing room.
一面墙上挂着我母亲的一幅棕色达芬奇蚀刻版画《祈祷之手》的镶框复制品，她一直把它放在缝纫室里。
Right next to it, in shocking juxtaposition, is a green, red, and yellow Bank of Canton calendar, featuring a zaftig Asian female in a bikini.
旁边是一张绿色、红色和黄色的广州银行日历，令人震惊地并置，上面画着一位穿着比基尼的扎夫提格亚洲女性。
"I can't go through with this," Kaitlin continues in stage whisper.
“我无法接受这个，”凯特琳在舞台上低声说道。
"It's too weird.
“这太奇怪了。
There are so many memories here.
这里有太多的回忆。
And not good ones." And like debris from a hurricane, the words tumble out.
而且都不是好东西。”就像飓风的残骸一样，这些话语倾泻而出。
"I go by the kitchen and all I can see is me standing before the oven clock at age five with tears in my eyes.
“我经过厨房，只能看到五岁的我站在烤箱钟前，眼里含着泪水。
He is yelling, 'What time is it?
他大喊：‘现在几点了？
The little hand is most of the way to 4 and the big hand is on the 8.
小手大部分在 4 上，大手在 8 上。
It was 3:18 22 minutes ago, so what time is it now?
22 分钟前是 3 点 18 分，那么现在是几点？
What's 18 plus 22?
18加22等于多少？
Come on.
来吧。
You can do it in your head.
你可以在心里做。
Come on.
来吧。
Come on.' I go buy the dining room and I see him hurling my Nancy Drew books across the floor.
来吧。我去买餐厅，看到他把我的《南茜·朱尔》的书扔到地板上。
They slam against the wall and I huddle against Mom.
他们撞到墙上，我挤在妈妈身边。
Screaming.
尖叫。
'Why do you waste your time on this when your algebra homework isn't finished?
“你的代数作业还没做完，为什么要在这上面浪费时间呢？”
You good for nothing!
你真是一无是处！
You're nothing!
你什么都不是！
Nothing!
没什么！
You'll never amount to anything!' I go by the bedroom--"
你永远一事无成！我经过卧室——”
"Please." I have this sickening feeling like I'm going to cry, that I'm just going to lose it.
“请。”我有一种令人作呕的感觉，我快要哭了，我快要失去它了。
I want to just sit down in the middle of the floor and roll myself into a ball.
我想坐在地板中间，把自己滚成一个球。
But I can't.
但我不能。
Kaitlin's rage is like something uncontainable, a dreadful, natural force, and I am the gate keeper.
凯特琳的愤怒就像某种无法控制的东西，一种可怕的自然力量，而我是守门人。
I feel if I open the door, it will rush out and destroy the house and everything in it.
我觉得如果我打开门，它就会冲出来毁掉房子和里面的一切。
"Please," is what I end up whispering.
“拜托，”这是我最后低声说的。
"Please, let's just eat.
“拜托，我们就吃饭吧。
We'll be done in an hour.
我们将在一个小时内完成。
Then we can go home, I promise.
然后我们就可以回家了，我保证。
You won't have to do this again for another 10 years.
10 年内你不必再这样做了。
Or maybe ever."
或者也许永远。”
At dinner, endless plates of food twirl their way out of the kitchen, Zhu Ping practically dancing underneath.
晚餐时，一盘盘的食物从厨房里旋转出来，朱平几乎在下面跳舞。
Spinach, teriyaki-ish chicken, shrimp, some kind of egg thing with peas, dumplings packed with little pillows of pork.
菠菜、红烧鸡肉、虾、某种豌豆鸡蛋、用猪肉小枕头包起来的饺子。
And amazingly, there is no want of conversational material.
令人惊讶的是，并不缺乏对话材料。
Photos from Shanghai are being pulled out of envelopes and passed around of her family, his family.
来自上海的照片被从信封中拿出来，并在她的家人、他的家人周围传递。
I do recognize three or four Chinese relatives, a cousin, an aunt, a grand uncle.
我确实认识三四个中国亲戚，一个表弟，一个阿姨，一个叔祖父。
Their names are impossible for me to remember.
他们的名字我不可能记住。
We had met them in China during our last trip as a family.
我们上次全家旅行时在中国遇见了他们。
I was 15.
那年我15岁。
It was right before our mother started to get sick.
就在我们的母亲开始生病之前。
Shanghai is a distant, confused memory for me of ringing bicycle bells and laundry lines hanging from buildings.
上海对我来说是一段遥远而混乱的记忆，自行车铃声响起，建筑物上挂着晾衣绳。
What I do remember is how curious my father's family had seemed about Kaitlin and me, his odd American experiment, ooh-ing over our height and touching our auburn hair.
我所记得的是，我父亲的家人对凯特琳和我，他奇怪的美国实验，感到多么好奇，对我们的身高赞叹不已，抚摸我们的赤褐色头发。
There were many smiles but no intelligible conversation, at least to our ears.
有很多微笑，但没有可以理解的对话，至少在我们听来是这样。
We probably won't see any of these people again before we die.
在我们死之前，我们可能再也见不到这些人了。
But Zhu Ping will have none of it.
但朱平不会有这些。
Hearty Manchurian builder that she is, she is determined to use the crude two by fours of her broken English to forge a rickety rope bridge between us.
她是一位热情的满洲建设者，她决心用她那蹩脚的英语，在我们之间搭建一座摇摇欲坠的绳桥。
"You, Sand-wa, you.
“你，桑德瓦，你。
You play the piano, no?
你弹钢琴，不是吗？
Mozart, he very nice.
莫扎特，他非常好。
You will show me.
你会告诉我。
And you, Kat-lin, you.
还有你，凯特琳，你。
You are a teacher, no?
你是老师，不是吗？
That is good, Kat-lin, good.
很好，吉琳，很好。
Kat-lin, you are very, very good."
凯特琳，你真的非常非常好。”
My father puts his spoon down.
我父亲放下勺子。
He is chewing slowly, a frown growing.
他慢慢地咀嚼着，皱起眉头。
"This meat," he shakes his head, "is very, very greasy." He turns to Zhu Ping and the lines of both sides of his mouth deepen.
“这肉，”他摇摇头，“非常非常油腻。”他转向朱平，嘴角两侧的皱纹加深。
His eyes cloud.
他的眼神阴云密布。
He says something to her in Chinese with a certain sharp cadence that makes my spine stiffen.
他用中文对她说了些什么，语气很尖锐，让我的脊背都僵硬了。
Zhu Ping's face goes blank for a moment.
朱平脸色一瞬间茫然。
Her eyes grow big.
她的眼睛变大了。
My stomach turns to ice.
我的胃变成冰了。
How will she respond?
她会如何回应？
By throwing her napkin down?
把餐巾扔下来？
Bursting into tears?
泪流满面？
Running from the room?
从房间跑出去？
Will she knock the table over, plates sliding after each other, sauces spilling, crockery breaking?
她会不会把桌子撞翻、盘子互相滑动、酱汁溢出、陶器破碎？
Will we hear the car engine turn over as she drives off into the night, leaving us here frightened and panicked?
当她驶入夜色时，我们会听到汽车引擎转动的声音，让我们感到害怕和惊慌吗？
It is none of these things.
这些都不是。
Zhu Ping's head tilts back.
朱平的头向后仰去。
Her eyes crinkle.
她的眼睛皱起来。
And laughter pours out of her, peal after peal after peal.
她的笑声从她身上倾泻而出，一阵又一阵。
It is a big laugh, an enormous laugh, the laugh of a woman who has birthed calves and hoed crops and seen harsh winters decimate countrysides.
这是一个大笑，一个巨大的笑，一个生过小牛、锄过庄稼、目睹了严冬摧毁乡村的女人的笑。
Pointing to our father, Zhu Ping turns to us with large, glittering eyes and says, words which sound incredible to our ears.
朱平指着我们的父亲，用闪闪发光的大眼睛对我们说道，这句话听起来令人难以置信。
"You Papa, he so funny."
“你爸爸，他真有趣。”
My jaw drops.
我的下巴都要掉下来了。
No one has ever laughed out loud at this table ever.
从来没有人在这张桌子上大声笑过。
We laughed behind closed doors, in our bedrooms, in the bathroom, never before my father.
我们关起门来，在卧室里，在浴室里笑，从来没有在我父亲面前笑过。
We laughed sometimes with my mother on those glorious days when he would be off on a trip.
在母亲外出旅行的那些美好日子里，我们有时会和母亲一起欢笑。
But Kaitlin is not laughing.
但凯特琳没有笑。
She is trembling.
她在颤抖。
Her face is turning red.
她的脸变红了。
"Why were you always so angry?" she cries out in a strangled voice.
“你为什么总是这么生气？”她用一种窒息的声音喊道。
It's a question she's waited 30 years to ask.
这是她等了 30 年才问的一个问题。
"Why were you so angry?"
“你为什么这么生气？”
There is a shocked silence.
一阵震惊的沉默。
My father looks weary and embarrassed.
我父亲看上去很疲惫，也很尴尬。
He smiles wanly and shrugs his thin shoulders.
他苍白地笑了笑，耸了耸瘦削的肩膀。
"No, really," Kaitlin insists, "all those years with Mama.
“不，真的，”凯特琳坚持说，“和妈妈在一起的那些年。
Why?"
为什么？”
"I don't know," my father murmurs.
“我不知道，”我父亲低声说道。
"People get angry." And I know in that moment that he doesn't have an answer.
“人们会生气。”那一刻我知道他没有答案。
He literally doesn't.
他确实不知道。
It's as if rage was this chemical that reacted on him for 20 years.
就好像愤怒是一种化学物质，在他身上反应了20年。
Who knows why, but like some kind of spirit, it has left him now.
谁知道为什么，但就像某种精神一样，它现在已经离开了他。
The rage is spent.
怒气已消。
He is old now.
他现在老了。
He is old.
他老了。
Dusk is fallen and long shadows fall across the worn parquet floor of the dining room.
暮色降临，长长的影子落在餐厅破旧的镶木地板上。
After a moment of silence, my father asks Zhu Ping to sing a song.
沉默了一会儿，爸爸请朱萍唱首歌。
The house frau from Guangzhou opens her mouth and with an odd dignity, sings simply and slowly.
这位来自广州的宅女张开嘴，带着一种奇怪的尊严，简单而缓慢地唱着歌。
My father translates.
我父亲翻译。
"From the four corners of the Earth, my lover comes to me playing the lute.
“我的爱人从地球的四个角落向我弹奏琵琶。
Like the wind over the water." He recites the words without embarrassment, almost without emotion.
就像风吹过水面一样。”他背诵这些话时没有任何尴尬，几乎没有任何感情。
And why shouldn't he?
他为什么不应该呢？
The song has nothing to do with him personally.
这首歌与他个人无关。
It is from some old Chinese fable.
这是来自中国的一个古老寓言。
It has to do with missing someone, something, someplace, that perhaps one can't even define anymore.
它与想念某人、某事、某个地方有关，也许人们甚至无法再定义它们。
As Zhu Ping sings, everyone longs for home.
随着朱萍的歌声，每个人都渴望回家。
But what home?
但什么家呢？
Zhu Ping, for her bitter winters?
朱萍，为她度过寒冬？
My father, for the Shanghai he left 40 years ago?
我的父亲，为了四十年前离开的上海？
And what about Kaitlin and I?
那我和凯特琳呢？
We are even sitting in our own childhood home, and we long for it.
我们甚至坐在自己儿时的家中，我们都渴望它。
Papa, why don't you just take us out with a song?
爸爸，你为什么不唱首歌带我们出去呢？
This song, usually, I sing with my wife.
这首歌，通常，我和我的妻子一起唱。
Since today, Sandra didn't invite my wife, I have to let her stay in the kitchen at home.
从今天开始，桑德拉没有邀请我的妻子，我只好让她呆在家里的厨房里。
This song describes a young woman longing for her lover.
这首歌描述了一位年轻女子对爱人的思念。
It sounds like this.
听起来是这样的。
[SINGING IN CHINESE]
[中文演唱]
Our program was produced today by Peter Clowney and by myself, with Alix Spiegel, Nancy Updike and Dolores Wilber.
今天我们的节目由彼得·克劳尼和我本人、阿利克斯·斯皮格尔、南希·厄普代克和多洛雷斯·威尔伯共同制作。
Contributing editors, Paul Tough, Jack Hitt and Margy Rochlin.
特约编辑 Paul Tough、Jack Hitt 和 Margy Rochlin。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] "My Father's Chinese Wives," was first published in Quarterly West.
[鸣谢] 《我父亲的中国妻子》首次发表于《西部季刊》。
Sandra's own book is called Depth Takes a Holiday -- that's "depth"-- Essays from Lesser Los Angeles.
桑德拉自己的书叫《深度放假》——这就是“深度”——来自小洛杉矶的散文。
If you would like to buy a copy of this program, it's only $10.
如果您想购买该程序的副本，只需 10 美元。
Call us, WBEZ in Chicago, 312-832-3380, 312-832-3380.
请致电芝加哥 WBEZ，电话：312-832-3380、312-832-3380。
Or you can write us at WBEZ, 848 East Grand Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611.
或者您也可以写信给我们，地址为 WBEZ, 848 East Grand Avenue, Chicago, IL 60611。
Or you can email us.
或者您可以给我们发电子邮件。
Our email address [email protected] , [email protected] .
我们的电子邮件地址 [电子邮件受保护]，[电子邮件受保护]。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Papa, I'm going to tell this story now the way I tell it.
爸爸，我现在要按照我的方式讲述这个故事。
So I hope you're not embarrassed, OK?
所以我希望你不要感到尴尬，好吗？
OK.
好的。
What choice do I have?
我有什么选择？
Ira Glass Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
艾拉·格拉斯 (Ira Glass) 下周将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
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