205: Plan B - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #205 | January 5, 2024 205: Plan B Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 205 集 | 2024 年 1 月 5 日 205：B 计划 注：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass There's a short story by the fiction writer Ron Carlson in which a guy loses his job after 10 years at the job.
序言 Ira Glass 小说作家罗恩·卡尔森 (Ron Carlson) 有一篇短篇小说，讲述了一个人在工作 10 年后失业的故事。
His boss tells him, OK, go to Plan B.
他的老板告诉他，好吧，采取 B 计划。
And the guy says, this was Plan B.
那个人说，这是 B 计划。
Which is, I think, how it goes for most of us.
我认为这对我们大多数人来说都是如此。
We head off cheerfully toward Plan A, but Plan A turns out to be completely different from what we thought it was going to be.
我们兴高采烈地朝着A计划出发，但A计划却与我们想象的完全不同。
And so we switch to a backup.
所以我们切换到备份。
And then the backup plan becomes our life.
然后备用计划就成为我们的生活。
A while back, I was giving a talk to about 100 people.
不久前，我正在对大约 100 人进行演讲。
And knowing I was going to be talking about this on the radio, I asked them to remember back to when they first hit adulthood.
我知道我会在广播中谈论这个，所以我让他们回想一下他们第一次成年的时候。
What is it that they thought their lives would be like?
他们认为自己的生活会是什么样子？
What was their Plan A back then?
他们当时的A计划是什么？
And I asked them, OK, how many of you are still on Plan A?
我问他们，好吧，你们中有多少人仍在执行 A 计划？
Out of 100 people, only one person raised her hand.
一百人中，只有一人举手。
Just one.
只有一个。
The youngest person in the room-- just 23 years old.
房间里最年轻的人——只有23岁。
Everybody else in the room was like, Plan B?
房间里的其他人都说，B 计划？
What about Plan C, and D, and F?
C、D、F 计划又如何呢？
Today on our program, stories of the backup plan and people living the backup plan, which is most of us.
今天在我们的节目中，我们讲述了后备计划的故事以及生活在后备计划中的人们（我们大多数人）的故事。
From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Our program today in five acts, including the story of how you decide, as your backup plan, to kidnap the child of the most famous entertainer in the world.
我们今天的节目分为五幕，其中包括你如何决定绑架世界上最著名艺人的孩子的故事，作为你的后备计划。
And Jonathan Goldstein's story of how he took a telemarketing job just to tide things over for a while, and then kept it for 10 years-- finding, to his disappointment, that he was better at telemarketing than at anything else in his life.
乔纳森·戈德斯坦 (Jonathan Goldstein) 讲述了他如何接受电话营销工作只是为了暂时渡过难关，然后坚持了 10 年——令他失望的是，他发现自己最擅长的是电话营销，而不是一生中的其他任何事情。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One: It's Another Tequila Sunrise Ira Glass Act One, It's Another Tequila Sunrise.
第一幕：又是一场龙舌兰日出 Ira Glass 第一幕，又是一场龙舌兰日出。
John Hodgman tells this fable of giving up one dream for another much more ridiculous dream.
约翰·霍奇曼（John Hodgman）讲述了这个寓言，讲述了一个为了另一个更荒谬的梦想而放弃一个梦想的故事。
A few years ago, the company that owns Jose Cuervo Tequila purchased Marina Key, a small eight-acre speck of an island in the Caribbean.
几年前，拥有 Jose Cuervo Tequila 的公司购买了滨海岛 (Marina Key)，这是加勒比海一个占地八英亩的小岛。
And they renamed it Cuervo Nation.
他们将其重新命名为“Cuervo Nation”。
They applied to the UN for independent statehood.
他们向联合国申请独立建国。
They encouraged US citizens to defect by a simple ritual of drinking a shot.
他们通过简单的喝一杯仪式来鼓励美国公民叛逃。
They even tried to field an Olympic volleyball team.
他们甚至试图组建一支奥运会排球队。
The whole thing was a bold experiment in advertising via nation building.
整件事是一次通过国家建设进行广告的大胆实验。
But since those heady early days of independence, the nation's patriotic fervor has calmed somewhat.
但自从独立初期令人兴奋的日子以来，这个国家的爱国热情已经有所平静。
It's now used as a place to send contest winners and a promotional lure for members of the World Press, which is how I found myself headed to Cuervo Nation last June for a series of very educational tequila tastings and how I met the nation's most prominent citizen and ambassador to the world.
现在，它被用作发送竞赛获胜者的地方和对世界新闻界成员的宣传诱惑，这就是我去年六月前往库尔沃国家参加一系列非常有教育意义的龙舌兰酒品尝以及我如何会见这个国家最著名的公民和世界大使的原因。
He stood at the dock waiting for us as our ferry chugged over from Tortola.
当我们的渡轮从托托拉岛驶来时，他站在码头等着我们。
Shaven-headed, goateed, he sort of looked like Anton LaVey-- were it not for the Speedos, mirror shades, and red superhero cape.
光着头，留着山羊胡，他看起来有点像安东·拉维——要不是泳裤、墨镜和红色超级英雄斗篷。
A satanist at spring break.
春假时的撒旦教徒。
Through a megaphone, he alerted us that we are now entering a party zone.
他通过扩音器提醒我们，我们现在正在进入派对区。
As we disembarked, he began scooting maniacally around us with a tequila shot balanced on his bald head, daring us to suck it down without using our hands.
当我们下船时，他开始在我们周围疯狂地移动，他的光头顶着一杯龙舌兰酒，让我们敢不用手就将它吸下去。
This was Cuervo Man.
这是库尔沃人。
The other Cuervo representatives were there to teach us about tequila.
其他 Cuervo 代表在那里教我们有关龙舌兰酒的知识。
Cuervo Man, I was told, was there to party with us.
有人告诉我，Cuervo Man 是来和我们一起聚会的。
His job was to party.
他的工作就是参加派对。
And just as I began to grasp the frightening yet thrilling ramifications of this fact, Cuervo Man spotted me.
正当我开始意识到这一事实带来的可怕而又令人兴奋的后果时，库尔沃人发现了我。
He pointed to his shot-crowned head, opened his arms wide, and chased me down the dock.
他指着自己那颗被子弹打中的头颅，张开双臂，追着我跑到了码头。
Cuervo Man's real name is Ryan McDonough.
库尔沃·曼 (Cuervo Man) 的真名是瑞安·麦克唐纳 (Ryan McDonough)。
I learned this from the Cuervo reps, who I think were a little annoyed that I was asking so few questions about their tequila, and so many questions about the man who seemed to be their trained tequila monkey.
我从 Cuervo 代表那里得知了这一点，我认为他们有点恼火，因为我问了这么少的关于他们的龙舌兰酒的问题，而对那个似乎是他们训练有素的龙舌兰猴的人提出了很多问题。
Actually, I was told, the term is party catalyst.
事实上，有人告诉我，这个词是政党催化剂。
And when he wasn't on the island, Ryan was going from bar to bar all over the Northeast, embodying the untamed spirit of Jose Cuervo.
当瑞安不在岛上时，他会在东北各地的酒吧之间穿梭，体现何塞·库尔沃不羁的精神。
Meaning what?
意思是什么？
I asked them.
我问他们。
Meaning he does interactive promotions designed to introduce consumers to the responsible enjoyment of the various brands of Jose Cuervo Tequila.
这意味着他开展互动促销活动，旨在向消费者介绍负责任地享受 Jose Cuervo 龙舌兰酒各个品牌的乐趣。
Meaning what?
意思是什么？
I asked them.
我问他们。
And that's when Ryan ran up to the table with a toilet seat around his neck and a plunger stuck to the top of his head.
就在那时，瑞安跑到桌子旁，脖子上套着马桶座圈，头顶上插着一个柱塞。
Dude, he said.
伙计，他说。
Check it out.
一探究竟。
Plunger on my head.
柱塞在我头上。
And then he ran down to the beach and shoved sand down his pants.
然后他跑到海滩，把沙子塞进裤子里。
And then he sang a dirty song and made us do shots in teams.
然后他唱了一首肮脏的歌，让我们分组射击。
And then he collapsed in the surf and barked like a seal.
然后他倒在海浪中，像海豹一样吠叫。
It's sort of hard to explain what he does, they told me.
他们告诉我，很难解释他所做的事情。
And that's exactly why he fascinated me.
这正是他让我着迷的原因。
I mean, consider the plunger.
我的意思是，考虑一下柱塞。
Were it me, I might have come up with putting a toilet seat around my neck, sure.
如果是我，我肯定会想出在脖子上放一个马桶座圈的办法。
That's a natural.
那是自然的。
But then to extend the metaphor, to take the imaginative leap to the plunger on the head?
但是，如果要扩展这个比喻，将想象力飞跃到头上的柱塞上呢？
Well, that's genius.
嗯，这真是天才。
By the last night I was there, the Cuervo reps realized I was a lost cause.
到了我在那里的最后一晚，Cuervo 代表意识到我已经失败了。
They left me with a bottle of Cuervo Especial and went to bed.
他们给我留下了一瓶特级奎尔沃啤酒，然后就上床睡觉了。
And Ryan and I got to talking.
瑞安和我开始交谈。
It turned out Cuervo Man and I have a lot in common.
事实证明，Cuervo Man 和我有很多共同点。
We both live in New York.
我们都住在纽约。
Like me, Ryan is 30 years old, originally from the Boston area.
Ryan 和我一样，今年 30 岁，来自波士顿地区。
Like me, he went to an Ivy League school and spent most of his time there drinking and feeling out of place.
和我一样，他也在常春藤盟校上学，大部分时间都在那里喝酒，感觉格格不入。
Yes, the man barking like a seal-- that's a Princeton man.
是的，那个像海豹一样吠叫的人——那是普林斯顿人。
And that's when I realized that apart from some small matters of fate and several thousand sit-ups on Ryan's part, we were the same.
就在那时我意识到，除了一些命运的小事和瑞安的几千个仰卧起坐之外，我们是一样的。
We both came out of college with an English degree, a thirst for booze, and the absurd faith that someone would pay us simply for being drunk and charming.
我们大学毕业时都获得了英语学位，都渴望喝酒，并且荒唐地相信有人会因为我们醉酒和迷人而付钱给我们。
And in a strange but undeniable way, for Ryan, that turned out to be true.
对于瑞安来说，以一种奇怪但不可否认的方式，事实证明这是真的。
And that's when I realized I was jealous of him.
就在那时我意识到我嫉妒他。
How does one get to be a party catalyst?
一个人怎样才能成为政党的催化剂呢？
I asked.
我问。
Dude, he said.
伙计，他说。
That's what everyone wants to know.
这是每个人都想知道的。
Oh, that's my bag of stuff, my bag of tricks, what kind of props a guy in my field needs.
哦，那是我的东西，我的技巧，我的领域的人需要什么样的道具。
Got my helmet.
拿到了我的头盔。
The stuffed monkeys I got at LaGuardia Airport.
我在拉瓜迪亚机场买的毛绒猴子。
I've got three of them.
我有三个。
It's six months later, and I'm in Ryan's apartment in Brooklyn.
六个月后，我来到了瑞安位于布鲁克林的公寓。
He's agreed to take me with him to a couple of bars out on Long Island, where he's doing whatever it is he does.
他同意带我去长岛的几家酒吧，在那里他做他想做的事。
And he's showing me a few of the things he'll bring with him.
他正在向我展示他将带来的一些东西。
The Speedo I have I throw that on because it's just shocking.
我穿上 Speedo 泳衣是因为它太令人震惊了。
It's shock value.
具有震撼价值。
Rubber chicken, plunger.
橡胶鸡，柱塞。
[PLUNGER SUCTION] Right on the bald head, that just-- [PLUNGER SUCTION]
[柱塞吸力] 就在光头上面，那只是—— [柱塞吸力]
It was never Ryan's dream to have a job wearing a plunger.
戴上柱塞的工作从来都不是瑞安的梦想。
He wanted to act.
他想采取行动。
It's a cliche, I know, and so did Ryan.
我知道这是陈词滥调，瑞安也是如此。
But he had done some singing and musical theater in college, and this was his dream.
但他在大学里做过一些歌唱和音乐剧，这是他的梦想。
Specifically, this was his dream.
具体来说，这是他的梦想。
(SINGING) There is nothing like a dame, nothing in the world.
（唱）世界上没有什么比一位女士更好的了。
There is nothing you can name that is anything like a dame.
没有什么可以比得上一位贵妇。
Ryan did South Pacific in summer stock and some dinner theater, but it really wasn't coming together the way he wanted it to.
瑞安在夏季股票和一些晚宴剧场中做了《南太平洋》，但它确实没有按照他想要的方式组合在一起。
From the beginning, he knew he needed a backup plan, so he started looking for a job in finance.
从一开始，他就知道自己需要一个后备计划，所以他开始寻找金融方面的工作。
After all, what's a Princeton degree good for if not making money?
毕竟，如果不能赚钱，普林斯顿大学的学位有什么用呢？
(SINGING) --dame!
（唱）——女士！
John Hodgman He interviewed at six companies, but he only got a call back at one.
约翰·霍奇曼（John Hodgman）他面试了六家公司，但只接到了一家公司的电话。
I think everyone else who applied there from Princeton, they all got offered jobs.
我认为从普林斯顿大学申请的其他人都获得了工作机会。
So I called and they were not going to offer me a job.
所以我打电话给他们，他们不会给我一份工作。
I'm like, why?
我想，为什么？
Why not?
为什么不呢？
And I was really, really upset.
我真的非常非常沮丧。
And I thought I could change his mind or something.
我想我可以改变他的想法什么的。
He's like, well, it just seems-- you know, people seem to think that you'd really rather be acting.
他就像，嗯，似乎——你知道，人们似乎认为你真的更愿意演戏。
And I'm like, why don't you leave that up to me?
我想，你为什么不把这件事留给我呢？
I need money.
我需要钱。
To act, he needed a day job.
为了演戏，他需要一份全职工作。
But the day job wanted him to act.
但日常工作需要他表演。
So he was stuck in New York, working part-time at a mail order Bible company and part-time at an Upper East Side bar.
因此他被困在纽约，在一家邮购圣经公司兼职，并在上东区的一家酒吧兼职。
Now, Ryan enjoyed a delicious beverage from time to time.
现在，瑞恩时不时地享用美味的饮料。
And when he drank, either after his shift or sometimes during, everyone paid attention to him.
当他喝酒时，无论是下班后还是有时在下班期间，每个人都会注意到他。
He'd make jokes and balance shot glasses on his head.
他会开玩笑并把小眼镜放在头上保持平衡。
He owned the room.
他拥有这个房间。
I mean, I've always been the type of guy that people would invite to parties, to weddings.
我的意思是，我一直是那种人们会邀请我参加聚会、婚礼的人。
Like, people would offer-- when I had no money and I was hanging out with my buddies from Princeton who all were making bank, and they're like, come on, we're going out to the bar.
就像，当我没有钱，我和普林斯顿的朋友们一起出去玩时，人们会提议，他们都在赚钱，他们就像，来吧，我们去酒吧。
I'm like, I don't have any money.
我想说的是，我没有钱。
They're like, I'll pay for your drinks.
他们就像，我来付你的酒钱。
I want you to come out.
我要你出来。
And it wasn't even so much like I was such a great friend to these people.
对于这些人来说，我什至不是一个很好的朋友。
I was just a funny-ass drunk.
我只是个可笑的醉汉。
People wanted the funny-ass drunk around.
人们希望这个有趣的混蛋喝得醉醺醺的。
And I was just bar backing, and I would always goof around.
而我只是酒吧的支持者，我总是闲逛。
And I would occasionally get a little drunk and dance with people.
我偶尔会喝得有点醉，然后和人们一起跳舞。
Anyway, the DJ there has his own DJ company.
反正那里的DJ都有自己的DJ公司。
And he would do weddings, and parties, and stuff like that, so he took me on.
他会举办婚礼、派对等类似的活动，所以他邀请了我。
And so Ryan joined a shadow industry of party professionals-- the kind you might meet on resorts or on yachts, leading surfside limbo competitions, or at reunions encouraging people to dance.
因此，瑞安加入了一个由派对专业人士组成的影子行业——你可能会在度假村或游艇上遇到这种人，领导冲浪界的地狱竞赛，或者在鼓励人们跳舞的聚会上。
People whose job it is to force us to interact, to touch one another, to have fun.
他们的工作就是迫使我们互动、互相接触、享受乐趣。
Because apparently, this is something we've forgotten how to do.
因为显然，我们已经忘记了如何做。
Ryan paid his dues working bar mitzvahs, organizing group games, dressing up as Woody from Toy Story, complete with a big plastic head over his own head.
瑞安（Ryan）在成人礼上工作，组织集体游戏，打扮成玩具总动员中的伍迪（Woody），头上戴着一个大塑料头。
And then he got the call from Jose Cuervo.
然后他接到了何塞·库尔沃的电话。
They were running a tugboat called the Untamed Spirit II for short booze cruises out of San Diego, and they wanted him on it.
他们经营着一艘名为“Untamed Spirit II”的拖船，从圣地亚哥出发进行短途饮酒巡航，他们希望他上船。
His job would be to entertain winners of various Jose Cuervo promotional contests.
他的工作是招待各种 Jose Cuervo 促销比赛的获胜者。
And it turned out they pretty much enjoyed the same things that 13-year-olds did, minus the big plastic head and plus tequila.
事实证明，他们和 13 岁孩子一样喜欢做同样的事情，除了大塑料头和龙舌兰酒。
And Ryan could drink, too.
瑞安也能喝酒。
I was the envy of all my peers.
我是所有同龄人羡慕的对象。
Really, you know?
真的吗，你知道吗？
And eventually, the opportunity came to do it full-time.
最终，有机会全职做这件事。
And the tough part about it was that I was going to have to give up acting.
最困难的是我将不得不放弃表演。
Any pretense I had of being an actor was gone, because it was like, you know, I'm not doing it.
我作为一名演员的任何假装都消失了，因为就像，你知道，我不会这样做。
So I was like, let's make some money doing something that's close to acting.
所以我想，让我们做一些接近表演的事情来赚钱吧。
And so I went with it.
所以我就这么做了。
It's your lucky night here at Monterey's.
这是您在蒙特利度过的幸运之夜。
We got Jose Cuervo in the house tonight.
今晚我们请何塞·库尔沃到家里来。
And I think the fire department might like that from Uniondale.
我认为消防部门可能会喜欢尤宁代尔的那种。
You guys doing good?
你们干得好吗？
You want some complementary Cuervo samples?
您想要一些补充的 Cuervo 样品吗？
In other words, shots you don't have to pay for?
换句话说，你不需要付费的镜头？
Monterey Sports Bar is on route 24 in Uniondale, Long Island.
蒙特利体育酒吧 (Monterey Sports Bar) 位于长岛尤宁戴尔 (Uniondale) 的 24 号公路上。
Hofstra University is nearby.
霍夫斯特拉大学就在附近。
But this part of Uniondale is not so much a college town as it is a college strip, a blacktop spoke of suburban sprawl with Monterey's on the corner, next to a guns and ammo shop, next to a Starbucks.
但尤宁代尔的这一部分与其说是大学城，不如说是大学地带，柏油路代表着郊区的蔓延，蒙特雷就在拐角处，旁边有一家枪支弹药店，旁边有一家星巴克。
Inside, its dank and cavernous, with banners advertising $0.15 wings and $5 pitchers.
里面又湿又大，横幅上写着 0.15 美元的翅膀和 5 美元的投手。
I'll learn many important things tonight.
今晚我会学到很多重要的事情。
But perhaps the most surprising is this-- people in bars apparently need Cuervo t-shirts and mini shot glasses in order to live.
但也许最令人惊讶的是——酒吧里的人们显然需要 Cuervo T 恤和迷你小酒杯才能生活。
And to get them, they will do unimaginable things.
而为了得到它们，他们会做出一些难以想象的事情。
Right now, I've got a t-shirt in my Speedos.
现在，我的 Speedos 泳衣里有一件 T 恤。
Can you see that?
你能看到吗？
Yes.
是的。
Oh, you want-- hold on, I'm going to come to you.
哦，你想——等一下，我这就去找你。
You've got to bite it nice and slow.
你必须慢慢地咬住它。
Who's getting it?
谁得到它？
Let me set the scene.
让我来布置一下场景。
Ryan is standing at the back of a crowded bar.
瑞安站在一家拥挤的酒吧后面。
He's torn off his black breakaway sweatpants to reveal a very tight Speedo stuffed with t-shirts.
他脱掉了黑色运动裤，露出了一件非常紧身的 Speedo 泳衣，里面塞满了 T 恤。
And then-- how shall I put this?-- young women crouch down in front of him, take hold of a shirt with their teeth, and pull.
然后——我该怎么说呢？——年轻的女人蹲在他面前，用牙齿咬住一件衬衫，然后一拉。
Oh!
哦！
Oh!
哦！
Oh!
哦！
Oh!
哦！
Bite it like you mean it, like cave woman.
像穴居女人那样咬住它。
Yes!
是的！
That's what I'm talking about.
这就是我要说的。
I hadn't bargained for this.
我没有为此讨价还价。
Ryan Mcdonough That was almost pornographic.
瑞安·麦克多诺 那几乎是色情的。
If Ryan's not giving girls t-shirts out of his pants, he's serving them shots off his head eye level with their bras, or asking them to lick his scalp, or just rubbing up against them.
如果瑞安没有给女孩穿裤子里的T恤，他就会用胸罩从头顶的视线水平向她们射击，或者要求她们舔他的头皮，或者只是在她们身上摩擦。
Maybe it's because he seems more mischievous than predatory, or maybe it's because he comes with the sanction and strange demi-celebrity of a well-known liquor brand.
也许是因为他看起来更顽皮而不是掠夺性，或者可能是因为他受到了知名酒类品牌的认可和奇怪的半名人的影响。
But Ryan is able to do and say things in the name of Cuervo that would get you arrested under most circumstances.
但瑞安能够以库尔沃的名义做一些事、说一些话，在大多数情况下都会让你被捕。
And his antics aren't just tolerated, they're adored.
他的滑稽行为不仅被容忍，还受到崇拜。
All right.
好的。
Pay no attention to my head, right in your candy canes.
别理会我的头，就在你的拐杖糖里。
No hands.
没有手。
On Cuervo Nation, I would have described him as a kind of corporate jester.
在《Cuervo Nation》中，我会把他描述为一种企业小丑。
But as I watched women gleefully French him and then wander casually back to their boyfriends, a better word comes to mind.
但当我看到女人们兴高采烈地跟他打招呼，然后又漫不经心地回到她们的男朋友身边时，我的脑海中浮现出一个更好的词。
He's a satyr, the half-man, half-beast concert of Dionysus, god of drunken revelry.
他是一个色狼，是醉酒狂欢之神狄俄尼索斯的半人半兽的音乐会。
And not just because he's got a hairy back.
不仅仅是因为他的背部毛茸茸的。
Why don't you trim me like Sasquatch?
你为什么不像大脚野人那样修剪我呢？
Trim me.
修剪我。
Trim me like Sasquatch.
像大脚野人一样修剪我。
Take me home and domesticate me.
带我回家，驯养我。
Who's Sasquatch?
大脚野人是谁？
Ryan Mcdonough Sasquatch?
瑞安·麦克唐纳大脚野人？
He's a hairy guy.
他是个毛茸茸的家伙。
No, I know.
不，我知道。
You have a plunger on your head.
你的头上有一个柱塞。
And if you haven't guessed already, this is the other reason I'm fascinated by Ryan's job.
如果您还没有猜到，这就是我对 Ryan 的工作着迷的另一个原因。
While the rest of the bar grind dances and flirts and watches sports on the 30 odd TVs at Monterey's, I've somehow managed to plant myself next to the single screen that's inexplicably tuned to PBS-- specifically, Ric Burns's documentary of New York.
当酒吧里的其他人在蒙特利酒吧的 30 多台电视上跳舞、调情、观看体育比赛时，我却设法把自己放在一个莫名其妙地调到 PBS 的屏幕旁边——具体来说，是里克·伯恩斯 (Ric Burns) 的纽约纪录片。
Ryan, on the other hand, is out there, moving in a world in which commerce and pleasure and liquor and sex are all intimately and uncritically entwined.
另一方面，瑞安则身处一个商业与享乐、酒与性紧密且不加批判地交织在一起的世界。
And everyone is having a wicked good time.
每个人都度过了一段美好的时光。
It's a world in which I normally don't travel, and Ryan is my ticket in.
这是一个我通常不会去的世界，而瑞安是我进入的世界。
When he runs out to his car for a last minute t-shirt resupply, I realize that this is my chance to try my hand at satyrdom.
当他跑到车里去补充最后一分钟的 T 恤时，我意识到这是我尝试成为色狼的机会。
I get a tray of shots from the woman who's been helping Ryan, and I start making the rounds.
我从一直帮助瑞安的女人那里得到了一盘镜头，然后我开始巡视。
Hey, do you want a free tequila shot?
嘿，你想要一杯免费的龙舌兰酒吗？
Do you want a-- Try one of these.
你想尝试其中一个吗？
It's tequila from Cuervo.
这是来自 Cuervo 的龙舌兰酒。
Follow me.
跟我来。
We'll go to my friends, and we'll all have shots.
我们会去找我的朋友们，我们都会打针。
Oh, yeah?
哦，是吗？
OK, let's go.
好的，我们走吧。
And I do follow her.
我也跟着她。
But when we find her friends, they all just stare at me.
但当我们找到她的朋友时，他们都只是盯着我看。
Maybe it's not clear, so I say, do you want free tequila?
可能不太清楚，所以我说，你要免费的龙舌兰酒吗？
And they just say, no thanks.
他们只是说，不用了，谢谢。
Is it something I did?
是我做的事吗？
I can do something wacky.
我可以做一些古怪的事情。
If there's one thing that should not be hard to give away in a bar, it's free drinks.
如果说在酒吧里有一件东西不难赠送的话，那就是免费饮料。
And yet as I go from corner to corner, no one is drinking off my head.
然而，当我从一个角落走到另一个角落时，没有人在喝我的酒。
No one is pulling anything out of my pants.
没有人从我裤子里掏出任何东西。
And part of the problem is, I'm not Ryan.
部分问题是，我不是瑞安。
And maybe I should shave my head and loosen up a little.
也许我应该剃个光头，放松一点。
But beyond that, what I don't realize until I'm out there doing it is, as much as I love to drink, and as much as I love Jose Cuervo Tequila, and as much as I'd love another free trip to Cuervo Nation, I feel weird pushing some big company's message that slamming down shots is a great game, that drinking always equals fun.
但除此之外，直到我出去做之前我才意识到，尽管我很喜欢喝酒，尽管我很喜欢何塞·库尔沃龙舌兰酒，尽管我很想再次免费去库尔沃国家旅行，但我觉得很奇怪，因为我在推动一些大公司的信息，即猛击酒杯是一项很棒的游戏，喝酒总是等于乐趣。
Which even Ryan knows isn't exactly true.
连瑞安都知道这并不完全正确。
Because one thing I haven't mentioned yet, and probably should have, is that Ryan doesn't drink, at least not anymore.
因为有一件事我还没有提到，也许应该提到，那就是瑞安不喝酒，至少不再喝酒了。
(SINGING) I would swallow a shot, chill it so it's not hot.
（唱歌）我会吞下一杯，将其冷却，这样就不会热了。
Then I'll have some more, not a little, a lot.
然后我会再吃一些，不是一点点，而是很多。
Suck on a lime.
吮吸酸橙。
No, it's not a crime.
不，这不是犯罪。
Sometimes we all need a chaser.
有时我们都需要一个追逐者。
Want to put my tender gold in a blender.
想把我的嫩金放入搅拌机中。
Watch it spin around to a tasty margarita.
看着它旋转成美味的玛格丽塔。
Jose Cuervo Tequila.
何塞·库尔沃龙舌兰酒。
Part of Ryan's act is writing new lyrics to existing rock songs that describe the pleasures of drinking Cuervo or give very precise directions on how to do a body shot.
Ryan 的一部分工作是为现有的摇滚歌曲写新歌词，描述喝 Cuervo 的乐趣，或者给出如何进行身体拍摄的非常精确的指导。
Here's an example.
这是一个例子。
Quote, "Shots with or without training wheels.
引用：“使用或不使用辅助轮进行拍摄。
Cuervo doesn't hurt.
库尔沃不疼。
You know it heals."
你知道它可以治愈。”
It's a little unnerving to hear, knowing that the person who wrote these lyrics is the same person who quit drinking more than a year ago, in part because he was afraid that it might kill him.
听到这些歌词有点令人不安，因为他知道写这些歌词的人就是一年多前戒酒的人，部分原因是他担心这会杀死他。
He was kicked out of a hotel in Florida for throwing a table of the balcony.
他因扔阳台上的桌子而被赶出佛罗里达州的一家酒店。
In St. Louis, he blacked out in the middle of a promotion.
在圣路易斯，他在一次晋升中途昏倒了。
And at Cuervo Nation, he got so loaded he cursed out an elderly guest he was supposed to be entertaining.
在 Cuervo Nation，他太累了，以至于咒骂了一位本应招待的年长客人。
It was an older guy, probably in his 60s, and they were, like, professional contest winners.
这是一个年纪较大的人，大概有 60 多岁了，他们就像是职业比赛的获胜者。
And he's talking at dinner about, like, all these other contests he won and how, like, this one was nicer than this one and blah blah blah.
他在晚餐时谈论，比如，他赢得的所有其他比赛，以及如何，比如，这一场比这一场更好等等等等。
And it sounded like he was complaining a little bit about something, and I was like, why don't you shut up?
听起来他好像在抱怨什么，我就想，你为什么不闭嘴呢？
It's a free frickin' trip, old man, OK?
这是一次免费的旅行，老兄，好吗？
Why don't you take your professional contest winning attitude and shove it up your [BLEEP].
为什么你不采取专业比赛获胜的态度并把它推到你的[BLEEP]上。
And the next day, I woke up, like, I know I said something awful.
第二天，我醒来，我知道我说了一些可怕的话。
The problem for Ryan was that in most cases, it is very bad to be caught drinking on the job.
瑞安面临的问题是，在大多数情况下，被发现在工作中喝酒是非常糟糕的。
But in Ryan's case, it only made him more successful.
但就瑞安而言，这只会让他更加成功。
The wilder and drunker he got, the more bars wanted him back, the more Cuervo wanted him back.
他越狂野、越醉，就越多的酒吧想要他回来，库尔沃也就越想要他回来。
And what amazes me is that at the time Ryan was deciding to get sober, Cuervo asked him to sign on for another 100 promotional gigs over the course of the coming year.
令我惊讶的是，当 Ryan 决定戒酒时，Cuervo 要求他在来年再签约 100 场促销演出。
And Ryan said, how about 150?
Ryan 说，150 怎么样？
That's every weekend, almost half the year spent in bars, tequila on his head, tequila spilling down his face.
那是每个周末，几乎半年的时间都在酒吧里度过，龙舌兰酒在他的头上，龙舌兰酒从他的脸上洒下来。
It must be like Eve working in the apple factory that's owned by snakes.
这一定就像夏娃在蛇拥有的苹果工厂里工作一样。
How does it feel, as someone who doesn't drink anymore, to be confronted on a nightly basis with people who might be a drunk and hurting former you?
作为一个不再喝酒的人，每天晚上面对可能是酒鬼并伤害以前的你的人，感觉如何？
I just don't think about it all that much because there's nothing I can do about it either way.
我只是没有想太多，因为无论如何我都无能为力。
And I just don't know.
我就是不知道。
I think that's it.
我想就是这样。
I mean, I can't make any judgment.
我的意思是，我无法做出任何判断。
I mean, there's nobody that I could tell you, like, that guy needs to stop drinking, and know it for sure.
我的意思是，我没有人可以告诉你，那个人需要戒酒，并且肯定知道这一点。
I could certainly say, like, oh, that guy reminds me of me.
我当然可以说，哦，那个家伙让我想起了我。
You know, that happens a lot.
你知道，这种事经常发生。
But when it comes down to it, I just-- it's up to them.
但归根结底，我只是——这取决于他们。
It's just, it's not my call.
只是，这不是我能决定的。
Ryan's 150-day bar hop for Cuervo is almost over.
Ryan 在 Cuervo 的 150 天酒吧之旅即将结束。
His current contract is coming to a close, and he's now working on a new, very different project.
他目前的合同即将到期，他现在正在从事一个非常不同的新项目。
I am Sonic Man.
我是索尼克人。
And I'm out to prove what a smooth, clean shave you'll get with the Panasonic Sonic Shaving--
我要证明使用松下声波剃须刀您将获得多么光滑、干净的剃须效果——
This is a television ad for the Panasonic Sonic Shaver Max electric shaver, in which Ryan plays a character called Sonic Man.
这是松下 Sonic Shaver Max 电动剃须刀的电视广告，其中 Ryan 扮演一个名叫 Sonic Man 的角色。
He got the gig from someone who saw him doing a Cuervo promotion, and a lot of it's the same.
他从一个看到他做 Cuervo 促销活动的人那里得到了这份工作，而且很多都是一样的。
He jumps around in public, accosting people, yelling at them, convincing them of the superiority of this particular brand of shaver by hopping into fountains and getting sprayed with a hose.
他在公共场合跳来跳去，与人们搭讪，对他们大喊大叫，通过跳进喷泉并被软管喷射，让他们相信这个特定品牌的剃须刀的优越性。
Dry or wet.
干或湿。
Or wet.
或湿。
Or wet.
或湿。
John Hodgman But if it sounds as if there's no difference, think of this.
约翰·霍奇曼（John Hodgman）：但是，如果听起来好像没有什么区别，请想一想。
First, people do not generally drink while they're shaving.
首先，人们通常不会在剃须时喝酒。
And second, Ryan's an actor now-- an actual actor, with national exposure, a good agent, making decent money.
其次，瑞安现在是一名演员——一名真正的演员，在全国范围内享有盛誉，是一名优秀的经纪人，赚着可观的钱。
So the backup plan has brought him back to his original plan, and I'm happy for him, but also kind of sad.
所以备用计划让他回到了原来的计划，我为他感到高兴，但也有点悲伤。
Put it this way.
这样说吧。
I still kind of want to be Cuervo Man, but I don't think I'd ever want to be Sonic Man.
我仍然想成为 Cuervo Man，但我想我永远不会想成为 Sonic Man。
The fact is Ryan's leaving something behind-- the booze, obviously.
事实上，瑞安留下了一些东西——显然是酒。
And that's a good thing.
这是一件好事。
But also the Bacchanalian power of the booze, its danger, the contradictions that made Cuervo Man more than a day job, but a kind of inspired extension of Ryan himself-- which is, to say, a kind of art.
但酒的酒神般的力量、它的危险和矛盾也使得 Cuervo Man 不仅仅是一份日常工作，而是瑞安本人的一种充满灵感的延伸——可以说，这是一种艺术。
Shots coming out.
镜头出来了。
Come on, do some on the head.
来吧，在头上做一些。
And I wonder, now that he's the actor he always wanted to be, if we'll ever get a role as good as the one he's already played.
我想知道，既然他已经成为他一直想成为的演员，我们是否能得到一个和他已经扮演过的角色一样好的角色。
Hey, throw this!
嘿，扔这个！
Come here, throw this.
过来，扔这个。
Throw it onto my plunger.
把它扔到我的柱塞上。
Throw the Frisbee onto the plunger.
将飞盘扔到柱塞上。
Pop it on.
将其弹出。
You got it.
你明白了。
You got it.
你明白了。
That story and this week's entire program were first broadcast back in 2002.
这个故事和本周的整个节目于 2002 年首次播出。
Since then, Cuervo Nation has closed down.
从那时起，Cuervo Nation 就关闭了。
Ryan now lives in Long Beach, California with his wife and five-year-old son.
瑞安现在与妻子和五岁的儿子住在加利福尼亚州长滩。
He says he's been sober for 18 years now, and he has gotten some work as an actor.
他说他已经戒酒18年了，并且已经找到了一些演员的工作。
Yes, Plan A kicked in kind of late.
是的，A 计划启动得有点晚。
He's just wrapping up work on an indie film that he wrote and acted in called Last Night in Rozzie.
他刚刚完成一部由他自编自演的独立电影《罗齐的最后一夜》。
John Hodgman has a new book coming out in a few weeks called Medallion Status.
约翰·霍奇曼 (John Hodgman) 几周后将出版一本新书，名为“奖章状态”(Medallion Status)。
[MUSIC - EVE 6, "INSIDE OUT"] Act Two: Why Talk?
[音乐 - EVE 6，“头脑特工队”] 第二幕：为什么要说话？
Ira Glass Act Two, Why Talk?
艾拉·格拉斯第二幕，为什么要说话？
Here's a situation that many of us have been in and found ourselves confused about what to do.
我们中的许多人都曾遇到过这种情况，并且发现自己对该怎么做感到困惑。
You start to become friends with somebody from work, and then you run up against this problem, which requires action of some sort and a new plan.
你开始与工作中的某人成为朋友，然后你遇到了这个问题，这需要采取某种行动和一个新的计划。
It happened to one of our producers, Starlee Kine, at her last job, with a woman named Robin.
我们的一位制片人斯塔莉·凯恩（Starlee Kine）在她上一份工作中就遇到过这样的事，她和一位名叫罗宾的女人在一起。
We had just met, and we'd go out for drinks and stuff after work.
我们刚刚认识，下班后我们会出去喝酒什么的。
We really liked each other, and we wanted to, like-- we kind of decided we were going to be, like, new really good friends, you know?
我们真的很喜欢彼此，我们想，就像——我们决定我们要成为，就像，新的非常好的朋友，你知道吗？
But we didn't know anything about each other.
但我们对彼此一无所知。
So we'd start to tell each other things.
所以我们开始互相告诉对方一些事情。
But the problem was we were just so busy, and there was never enough time to tell each other the big stories in our life.
但问题是我们太忙了，没有足够的时间互相讲述我们生活中的大故事。
And at that point, your friend Robin came up with a Plan B.
就在那时，你的朋友罗宾想出了一个 B 计划。
She did.
她做到了。
She got to the point where she-- 'cause she would start to tell me stories and she'd get really frustrated by how much she had to tell.
她已经到了这样的地步——因为她会开始给我讲故事，而她会因为要讲的内容而感到非常沮丧。
And then she was, like, I'm just going to make you a tape.
然后她就说，我要给你录一盘磁带。
And so at one point, I was going home to LA.
所以有一次，我要回洛杉矶的家。
I'm from LA.
我来自洛杉矶。
And then right before I left for LA, she just was like, here you go.
然后就在我动身去洛杉矶之前，她就说，给你。
Here's your tape.
这是你的磁带。
And I started listening to it, and it was true.
我开始听它，这是真的。
She started by saying, OK, so now I'm going to do my ex-boyfriend montage.
她一开始就说，好吧，现在我要做我前男友的蒙太奇。
All right.
好的。
I'm not going to start when I was a kid.
我不会从小时候开始。
But I am going to just give you a little background history with the guy thing.
但我只想向您介绍一些关于这个家伙的背景历史。
I'm going to try to stay as close to the truth as possible.
我将尽力尽可能接近事实。
That was a drag off of a cigarette.
那是吸了一口烟。
That's what I was doing right there.
这就是我当时正在做的事情。
All right.
好的。
The whole first side A is all her ex-boyfriends, all the ways they affected her, and how it changed her, and just with all the little details thrown in.
整个第一面A都是她的前男友，他们影响她的所有方式，以及它们如何改变了她，以及所有的小细节。
And it's very thorough, and it's very complete.
而且非常彻底，非常完整。
And I definitely get a sense of the boyfriend.
我对男朋友有一定的感觉。
His name was Ken, and Ken was a hockey player.
他的名字叫肯，肯是一名曲棍球运动员。
He was not the smartest guy in the world.
他不是世界上最聪明的人。
And he could only describe our relationship in hockey metaphors.
他只能用曲棍球比喻来描述我们的关系。
Like, Robin, it's like when you're skating towards a goal and you think you've got it, but you don't.
就像，罗宾，这就像当你滑向一个目标时，你认为你已经实现了它，但你没有。
And it's like a puck that hits you once, but you recover--
这就像一个冰球击中了你一次，但你又恢复了——
I mean the whole goal of it is so nice and touching, that she wanted me to know this about her.
我的意思是，整个目标是如此美好和感人，她想让我了解她的这一点。
And then she put his time into making this, like, catalog of her life so that I could know her better.
然后她花时间制作了她生活的目录，以便我可以更好地了解她。
But Tony and I would go to all these sort of like prestigious art openings, and he would always get drunk and start raving.
但托尼和我会去参加所有这些类似著名的艺术开幕式，他总是会喝醉并开始胡言乱语。
Like, this is [BLEEP].
就像，这是[BLEEP]。
I could do this better.
我可以做得更好。
This is [BLEEP].
这是[哔]。
And he would walk around and just, he just couldn't understand contemporary artwork.
他四处走动，只是无法理解当代艺术作品。
And I really can't either, so I could kind of understand.
我也确实不能，所以我可以理解。
And we'd go to these installations, where the whole room would just be like one big dung ball, and he would scream, this is really [BLEEP] because it was.
我们会去这些装置，整个房间就像一个大粪球，他会尖叫，这真的是[BLEEP]，因为它就是。
And--
还有——
And then on side B, she has a list of the other things that she wanted me to know.
然后在 B 面，她列出了她想让我知道的其他事情。
And they're really, really, really small things, and they're just like, I had this dream once, and I feel you should know this.
它们真的、真的、真的很小，就像，我曾经做过这个梦，我觉得你应该知道这一点。
I get afraid when people are choking in restaurants.
当人们在餐馆里窒息时我会感到害怕。
Just like tiny couple sentences, and she's got a list.
就像几句话一样，她有一个清单。
And she's kind of checking it off as she goes along.
她一边走一边检查它。
But anyway the one pet that I didn't have, which I wasn't allowed to have, was a dog.
但无论如何，我没有养的宠物，也是不被允许养的，就是一只狗。
So I would steal the neighbor's dog Muffin, and I had this ritual.
所以我会偷邻居的狗松饼，我有这个仪式。
I think I told you about the dream where a woman had 82 household objects lodged within her body.
我想我告诉过你一个梦，一个女人体内有 82 件家用物品。
And I'm still trying to figure that one out.
我仍在努力解决这个问题。
Throw up story, don't feel like talking about it.
抛开故事，不想谈论它。
The teeth story--
牙齿的故事——
And then, after all that, she takes around the tape recorder and then she gets other people to talk on your tape?
然后，在这一切之后，她拿走了录音机，然后她让其他人用你的磁带说话？
Yes.
是的。
She walks around and has people say hello to me.
她四处走动，人们向我打招呼。
And she says, will you say happy birthday to my 75-year-old grandmother, Starlee?
她说，你能向我 75 岁的祖母 Starlee 说生日快乐吗？
Complete strangers.
完全陌生。
Starlee Kine Total complete strangers.
斯塔莉·凯恩完全陌生。
They're just random people on the street.
他们只是街上随机出现的人。
I'm making a tape for my grandmother, Starlee, for her 75th birthday.
我正在为我的祖母 Starlee 制作一盘磁带，庆祝她 75 岁生日。
Could you just say, hi, Starlee?
你能直接说，嗨，斯塔莉吗？
Hi, Starlee.
嗨，斯塔莉。
Robin Thank you.
罗宾谢谢你。
I know you're in a rush.
我知道你很着急。
I can see you're running.
我可以看到你在奔跑。
Could you just say, hi, Starlee?
你能直接说，嗨，斯塔莉吗？
Hi.
你好。
Robin Hi.
罗宾嗨。
OK, thank you.
好的，谢谢。
I'm making a tape for my grandmother's 75th birthday.
我正在为我祖母的 75 岁生日制作一盘磁带。
Standby, Kevin.
待命，凯文。
Robin And her name's Starlee.
罗宾 她的名字叫斯塔莉。
Could you just say, hi, Starlee?
你能直接说，嗨，斯塔莉吗？
Hi, Starlee.
嗨，斯塔莉。
How are you?
你好吗？
Robin Thank you.
罗宾谢谢你。
So did this do what she wanted it to do?
那么这是否达到了她想要的效果呢？
Oh, I think so.
哦，我想是的。
For sure, yeah.
当然，是的。
It totally felt like the perfect solution to the problem of making friends as you get older.
这完全感觉像是随着年龄的增长交朋友问题的完美解决方案。
Because it's really, as you get older-- I'm not that old, but the thing I miss most as an adult is time, is time is so valuable now.
因为随着年龄的增长，我确实没有那么老，但作为一个成年人，我最怀念的就是时间，现在时间是如此宝贵。
And you don't get to have the same conversations that you did when you were in high school where you'd be on the phone with someone for, like, eight hours a night.
而且你不能像高中时那样进行同样的谈话，那时你会和某人每晚打电话八个小时。
Or you'd just stay up all night long and tell every single thing that's ever happened to you, and it was even less that had happened to you because you were, like, 15 years old.
或者你会彻夜不眠，讲述发生在你身上的每一件事，而发生在你身上的事情就更少了，因为你大概只有 15 岁。
And there was just so much talking, so much bonding.
我们聊了很多，建立了很多联系。
Bonding, bonding, bonding.
粘合，粘合，粘合。
And as an adult, you just don't have the chance to do that very much.
作为一个成年人，你只是没有太多机会这样做。
And now we're really good friends.
现在我们真的是好朋友了。
Since then, I understand all of her references.
从那时起，我理解了她所有的参考资料。
Like, I feel like I've known her much longer than I have.
就像，我觉得我认识她的时间比我认识的时间长得多。
But isn't kind of the point of being friends with somebody that when they tell you this information, that it happens in a conversation?
但是，当某人告诉你这些信息时，这不是在谈话中发生的吗？
That that's not the background for the friendship, but that actually is the friendship.
这不是友谊的背景，但那确实是友谊。
Yeah, I mean, some can say that.
是的，我的意思是，有些人可以这么说。
Sure.
当然。
But as far as the past stuff, I feel like it's not that big a difference sometimes.
但就过去的事情而言，有时我觉得差别并没有那么大。
Because it gets to a point where you just have all these kind of bottled stories.
因为它已经到了你只有所有这些瓶装故事的地步。
Like, I got this boyfriend, he did this.
就像，我有一个男朋友，他就这么做了。
And I have this boyfriend, he did this.
我有一个男朋友，他就这么做了。
And it meant this, and it meant that.
它意味着这个，它意味着那个。
And it's like why not just put those stories on a cassette tape to have someone listen to it all at once?
就像为什么不把这些故事录在盒式磁带上让人同时听呢？
Starlee Kine.
斯塔莉·凯恩.
Coming up, sock puppets dialing for steak and kidnapping as Plan B, in a minute from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.
即将到来，当我们的节目继续时，袜子木偶将拨打牛排和绑架作为 B 计划，一分钟后从芝加哥公共广播电台播出。
Act Three: Kidnapping As Plan B Ira Glass It's This American Life.
第三幕：B 计划绑架 艾拉·格拉斯 这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose some theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一些主题，为您带来关于该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's show, Plan B, stories of people ditching their expectations and living inside a backup plan, as most of us do.
今天的节目《B 计划》讲述了人们放弃期望并生活在后备计划中的故事，就像我们大多数人所做的那样。
We have arrived at Act Three of our program.
我们已经到了我们计划的第三幕了。
Act Three, When Kidnapping is Plan B.
第三幕，绑架是 B 计划。
Even now, I think Barry Keenan has a hard time thinking of himself as a kidnapper.
即使现在，我认为巴里·基南也很难将自己视为绑匪。
He grew up in Southern California in Malibu, went to high school with the children of movie stars and other super rich people.
他在南加州的马里布长大，与电影明星和其他超级富豪的孩子一起上高中。
And if you could say that he had a plan for his life, he achieved a lot of it by the age of 22.
如果你可以说他对自己的人生有一个计划，那么他在 22 岁时就实现了很多目标。
It was the early 1960s.
那是 20 世纪 60 年代初。
He was the youngest member of the Los Angeles Stock Exchange.
他是洛杉矶证券交易所最年轻的会员。
He had successfully put together some real estate deals.
他成功地完成了一些房地产交易。
He was making a lot of money.
他赚了很多钱。
But he had also started drinking heavily and became addicted to Percodan and other painkillers.
但他也开始酗酒，并对 Percodan 和其他止痛药上瘾。
Of course, if you're drinking and taking strong painkillers, you get very numbed out.
当然，如果你喝酒并服用强效止痛药，你会变得非常麻木。
And on a good day, you might have an hour of rational thinking-- quote unquote, "rational thinking." And then also the market had a big downturn in late '62, early '63.
在美好的一天，你可能会有一个小时的理性思考——引用原话，“理性思考”。然后市场在 62 年末、63 年初也出现了大幅下滑。
And my real estate deals went sour.
我的房地产交易也失败了。
In a period of six months, I went from earning about in the neighborhood of $10,000 a month in 1963 dollars, to trying to sell transparent window shades door to door to stores in the middle of the desert.
在六个月的时间里，我的月薪从 1963 年的 10,000 美元左右，变成了尝试在沙漠中部的商店挨家挨户销售透明窗帘。
And it's 1963.
现在是 1963 年。
You're how old at that point?
那时你几岁？
23.
23.
Ira Glass So you've gone broke.
艾拉·格拉斯：那么你已经破产了。
You're 23.
你23岁了。
And then you come up with this Plan B.
然后你想出了这个 B 计划。
Well, one day I decided, well, I have to do something radical.
好吧，有一天我决定，好吧，我必须做一些激进的事情。
And in my demented state, suddenly it came to me that the way to solve my problems was to get some money somehow, and it would have to be illegally because I was obviously incapable of raising money from my real estate projects and securities projects.
在我精神错乱的状态下，我突然想到解决问题的方法就是以某种方式获得一些钱，而且必须是非法的，因为我显然没有能力从我的房地产项目和证券项目筹集资金。
So I came across-- kidnapping seemed like a good idea.
所以我发现——绑架似乎是个好主意。
And I put a business plan together and went to my--
我制定了一份商业计划并开始了我的——
Wait, wait, wait.
等等，等等，等等。
Kidnapping seemed like a good idea, and you put a business plan together?
绑架似乎是个好主意，你还制定了商业计划？
Yes, I was very business-oriented.
是的，我非常注重商业。
I never referred to it as a kidnapping.
我从未将其称为绑架。
It was going to be-- it was the plan of operation.
这将是——这就是行动计划。
It was kind of like an underwriting, a securities underwriting.
这有点像承销，证券承销。
But I had to go take somebody's kid in order to raise the money to invest in business propositions.
但为了筹集资金投资商业计划，我不得不去带走别人的孩子。
And then of course, being a good Catholic, the only way I could get rid of the sin was to pay the money back ultimately.
当然，作为一名优秀的天主教徒，我摆脱罪恶的唯一方法就是最终偿还这笔钱。
You say that kidnapping seemed like a reasonable option.
你说绑架似乎是一个合理的选择。
Wasn't there any part of it that kind of horrified you?
难道没有哪一部分让你感到害怕吗？
No, because in my drug-induced state, you might say, I knew I wasn't going to hurt anybody, and therefore it wasn't going to be a crime, as far as my moral character was concerned.
不，因为在我的药物诱导状态下，你可能会说，我知道我不会伤害任何人，因此就我的道德品质而言，这不会构成犯罪。
And as long as I was willing to pay the money back and was absolutely not going to hurt anybody, then it seemed like it was OK.
只要我愿意还钱并且绝对不会伤害任何人，那么似乎就可以了。
So explain to me who you decided to kidnap.
向我解释一下你决定绑架谁。
Well, I went down the list of all the wealthy people I knew and who had kids that I knew.
好吧，我列出了我认识的所有有钱人以及我认识的有孩子的人的名单。
There was Vicky Douglas, whose father was CEO of Douglas Aircraft.
维姬·道格拉斯 (Vicky Douglas) 是道格拉斯飞机公司的首席执行官。
That was eliminated because she was a girl.
因为她是女孩，所以被淘汰了。
Jim Mitchum knew me too well, and his father, Robert Mitchum, he was rich one month and then broke the next.
吉姆·米彻姆太了解我了，他的父亲罗伯特·米彻姆一个月就很富有，但下个月就破产了。
And then Arthur Lake, whose father was Johnny Weissmuller-- all these people that had famous parents.
然后是阿瑟·莱克（Arthur Lake），他的父亲是约翰尼·韦斯穆勒（Johnny Weissmuller）——所有这些人都有着著名的父母。
And I went down the list, and finally I thought of Nancy.
我顺着清单往下看，最后我想到了南希。
And of course--
当然还有——
Nancy?
南希？
Barry Keenan Nancy Sinatra, the oldest daughter of Frank Sinatra.
巴里·基南·南希·辛纳屈 (Barry Keenan Nancy Sinatra)，弗兰克·辛纳屈 (Frank Sinatra) 的大女儿。
And so then I said, of course, Junior.
然后我说，当然，朱尼尔。
And of course, I say Junior and I'm referring to Frank Sinatra, Junior, Frank Senior's son.
当然，我说的“朱尼尔”是指弗兰克·西纳特拉，朱尼尔，弗兰克·西尼尔的儿子。
And had you met him before?
你以前见过他吗？
Barry Keenan I had seen him.
巴里·基南 我见过他。
I mean, I knew Nancy in high school and junior high, and had been to her home several times, and knew that the son, who was away at boarding school, was sort of distant from the girls.
我的意思是，我在高中和初中就认识南希，去过她家好几次，知道她的儿子在寄宿学校读书，与女孩们有点疏远。
The girls were doted upon.
女孩们受到宠爱。
But Junior was always sort of like out of the picture.
但朱尼尔总是显得格格不入。
How much ransom money were you going to ask for?
您要索要多少赎金？
$240,000.
24万美元。
I had made a list of all the money we needed both for investments and to help my parents, and it came out to $240,000.
我列出了我们需要的所有资金，包括投资和帮助我的父母，结果是 24 万美元。
Since I was going to have to pay it back, I didn't want to raise more money than I could easily pay back.
由于我必须偿还贷款，所以我不想筹集超出我可以轻易偿还的资金。
And you decided you were going to take the money and then you were going to do what to make it back?
你决定要拿走这笔钱，然后你要做什么才能把钱赚回来？
I was going to invest in real estate projects in West Los Angeles.
我打算投资西洛杉矶的房地产项目。
And the specific stocks that I was going to invest in was Chrysler at the time, which was in the toilet, and of course made a spectacular comeback, and various-- several different stocks and some real estate, which ultimately became Marina Del Rey, the world's largest marina.
我要投资的具体股票是当时的克莱斯勒公司，它在厕所里，当然，它卷土重来，而且各种各样——几种不同的股票和一些房地产，最终成为世界上最大的码头玛丽安德尔湾。
And in fact, if I had, by some miracle, had ever gotten the money and, in fact, invested it, it would have turned out the way that I had it outlined in my business plan.
事实上，如果我奇迹般地拿到了这笔钱，并进行了投资，结果就会像我在商业计划中概述的那样。
So the investments were actually fairly prudent.
因此，投资实际上是相当谨慎的。
It just was the concept was a little off.
只是这个概念有点偏离。
And so you were going to take this capital, you were going to invest in this stuff, and then you were going to make a profit over, I guess, a couple years, right?
所以你要用这笔资金，你要投资这些东西，然后你会在几年内获利，我想，对吗？
Yeah, it would be about-- it was a five-year-plan.
是的，这是一个五年计划。
And then at the end of five years, you were going to give the money back to Sinatra?
然后五年后，你打算把钱还给西纳特拉？
Yes, send the money back to Frank Sinatra, and just imagining the reaction that he and the FBI would have when the ransom money starts coming back to him.
是的，将钱退还给弗兰克·西纳特拉，想象一下当赎金开始返还给他时，他和联邦调查局会有什么反应。
And just explain how the plan of operation was going to go, how the whole thing would come off, where everybody would be at the end.
并解释一下行动计划将如何进行，整个事情将如何进行，每个人最终会在哪里。
How was that done?
那是怎么做到的？
OK.
好的。
It was indexed in a three-ring binder with indexes, and one of the sections was the benefit to the Sinatra family.
它被索引在一个带有索引的三环活页夹中，其中一个部分是对西纳特拉家族的好处。
And it would bring father and son closer together.
这会让父子俩的关系更加亲密。
And at the time, Sinatra was being investigated for his connections with the mob and money laundering through the Cal-Neva Lodge and Sands Casino in Las Vegas.
当时，辛纳屈因与黑帮的联系以及通过拉斯维加斯的卡尔涅瓦旅馆和金沙赌场洗钱而受到调查。
And I thought, well, this might even help him there.
我想，好吧，这甚至可能对他有帮助。
You mean help his image.
你的意思是帮助他的形象。
Barry Keenan Yes, help his because I felt that if the public would perceive him as a worried parent, rather than a famous singer hanging out with the mafia, that would cast him in a more favorable image.
巴里·基南（Barry Keenan）是的，帮助他，因为我觉得如果公众将他视为一个忧心忡忡的父母，而不是一个与黑手党混在一起的著名歌手，那会给他一个更有利的形象。
And that was one of the things that I listed in the benefits to the Sinatra family.
这就是我在西纳特拉家族的利益中列出的事情之一。
You know the thing about that plan, Barry, is that in a way, it's utterly logical.
巴里，你知道这个计划的要点是，在某种程度上，它是完全合乎逻辑的。
It just proceeds from a premise that's so crazy.
它只是从一个如此疯狂的前提出发。
Sane people don't wake up one day and decide they're going to go kidnap the most famous entertainer in the world, who has known mafia connections, and so you're going to have the FBI and the mafia after you.
理智的人不会有一天一觉醒来，决定去绑架世界上最著名的艺人，因为他与黑手党有联系，所以联邦调查局和黑手党都会追捕你。
Sane people don't do that, and particularly thinking that they're going to benefit the victims as well as their own family.
理智的人不会这样做，尤其是认为他们将使受害者以及他们自己的家人受益。
When I asked Barry Keenan to tell me what happened when he tried to put his Plan B into effect and do the kidnapping, he's at such pains to get the truth of it across to me-- and to prove especially that the blame for the crime falls entirely on him, and not on two pals that he enlisted to help with the kidnapping.
当我请巴里·基南告诉我，当他试图实施他的 B 计划并实施绑架时，发生了什么事，他煞费苦心地想让我了解真相，并特别证明这起犯罪的责任完全落在他身上，而不是他招募来帮助绑架的两个朋友。
Now this story is filled with far too many details and takes far longer than we can spend here.
现在这个故事充满了太多的细节，而且花费的时间比我们在这里花的时间要长得多。
Suffice it to say that it was a comedy of errors.
可以说这是一部错误的喜剧。
In December of 1963, the 23-year-old Keenan and a friend nabbed the 19-year-old Frank Sinatra, Junior, who was performing at Lake Tahoe.
1963 年 12 月，23 岁的基南和一位朋友逮捕了正在太浩湖表演的 19 岁少年弗兰克·西纳特拉 (Frank Sinatra, Junior)。
Keenan accidentally left his gun in Sinatra's hotel room.
基南不小心把他的枪留在了西纳特拉的酒店房间里。
He didn't have any cash to buy gas for the getaway car.
他没有现金为逃跑的汽车购买汽油。
During the getaway, his buddy Joe climbed out of the car into a snowstorm and knocked himself out by running into a tree branch.
在逃跑过程中，他的好友乔在暴风雪中爬出车，撞到树枝上摔倒了。
When they called Frank Sinatra, Senior, and demanded a ransom, Sinatra offered them a million dollars, and they tried to talk him down to $240,000 because that's what it said in the plan.
当他们打电话给高级弗兰克·西纳特拉 (Frank Sinatra) 并要求赎金时，西纳特拉向他们提供了一百万美元，他们试图说服他将赎金降低到 24 万美元，因为计划中就是这么说的。
We sent Frank to a gas station payphone to get the next instructions about how to get his son back.
我们派弗兰克去加油站公用电话，以获取有关如何让他的儿子回来的下一步指示。
So Frank Sinatra, Senior, and the FBI go racing down to Carson City 30 minutes away, and in about 15 minutes, John started calling for Frank Sinatra to the gas station.
于是，高级弗兰克·辛纳屈 (Frank Sinatra) 和联邦调查局 (FBI) 赶往 30 分钟路程外的卡森城，大约 15 分钟后，约翰开始叫弗兰克·辛纳屈 (Frank Sinatra) 去加油站。
And the mechanic at the gas station, who was busy and by himself, kept answering the phone.
而加油站的机械师则忙着独自一人，不停地接电话。
And this caller was asking for Frank Sinatra, the most famous entertainer in the world at the time.
这位来电者要求找当时世界上最著名的艺人弗兰克·辛纳屈(Frank Sinatra)。
And the guy got very angry when this caller was calling back time and again for Frank Sinatra.
当这个来电者一次又一次地给弗兰克·辛纳屈回电话时，那家伙非常生气。
Yeah, he thinks it's a prank of some sort.
是的，他认为这是某种恶作剧。
And so as soon as he hung up from the third time after letting John have it with four letter words, before he even gets back to his car, in screeches two FBI cars.
因此，当他第三次挂断电话后，让约翰用四个字母的单词来表示，在他回到自己的车之前，两辆联邦调查局的汽车发出尖叫声。
And Frank Sinatra, Senior, jumps out of the car and says, my name is Frank Sinatra.
弗兰克·辛纳屈（Frank Sinatra），高级，从车里跳出来说，我的名字是弗兰克·辛纳屈（Frank Sinatra）。
Have I had any calls?
我有接到过电话吗？
And you can imagine the reaction that that poor mechanic had.
你可以想象那个可怜的机械师的反应。
So finally, one more time, John called back, and this time, Frank answered the phone.
最后，约翰再次打来电话，这一次，弗兰克接了电话。
And John's told him what the next step was going to be.
约翰告诉他下一步要做什么。
Barry, did it did it occur to you that the person who you were kidnapping and their family would be traumatized and frightened?
巴里，你有没有想过，被你绑架的人和他们的家人会受到创伤和恐惧？
No, because the way that the plan of operation was designed and the way I wrote it out in the script, it was always supposed to be just between Frank Sinatra, Senior, Frank Sinatra, Junior, my group of people, and the FBI.
不，因为行动计划的设计方式以及我在剧本中写出的方式，它总是被认为是在弗兰克·辛纳屈（高级）、弗兰克·辛纳屈（少年）、我的团队和联邦调查局之间进行的。
The mother and sisters were not to be involved in the kidnapping.
母亲和姐妹不得参与绑架事件。
And based upon what I knew about Frank Sinatra, Senior, and the family, and so forth, I did not think that he would let his wife know if he thought the kidnapping was going to be resolved in a matter of a few hours.
根据我对弗兰克·西纳特拉、西尼尔和家人等的了解，如果他认为绑架案将在几个小时内得到解决，我认为他不会让他的妻子知道。
I wonder if the fact that you constructed such an elaborate web of logic with your business plan, that made the kidnapping seem so reasonable and even good for the Sinatra's, I wonder if that prevented you at the time from comprehending what you were putting them through.
我想知道你用你的商业计划构建了如此复杂的逻辑网络，这是否让绑架看起来如此合理，甚至对西纳特拉一家有利，我想知道这是否阻止你当时理解你让他们经历了什么。
Oh, absolutely.
哦，绝对是。
I had it so rationalized and justified.
我已经把它合理化和合理化了。
I had God's approval.
我得到了上帝的认可。
This thing was being divinely blessed.
这件事受到了神的祝福。
What was the sign that it had God's approval?
它得到神的认可的标志是什么？
Like, God talked to me, particularly when I'd go to church, and light a candle, and be still.
就像，上帝对我说话，特别是当我去教堂，点燃蜡烛，保持安静时。
And I would hear God talking to me and telling me what I had to do.
我会听到上帝对我说话，告诉我必须做什么。
And he was very definite about nobody can be hurt.
他非常确定没有人会受到伤害。
And I had to pay the money back.
我必须还钱。
As you've gotten older and sobered up and gotten wiser, does God still talk to you?
当你长大了、清醒了、智慧了，神还会对你说话吗？
Oh, no. No, that went away when I got sober, and I also got psychiatric help.
哦，不。不，当我清醒后，这种情况就消失了，而且我还得到了精神科的帮助。
So when I hear voices nowadays, I don't pay any attention to them.
所以现在当我听到声音时，我不会去注意它们。
After successfully getting $240,000 in ransom money and returning Frank Sinatra, Junior, safely home, Barry Keenan and his accomplices were caught.
在成功获得 24 万美元赎金并将小弗兰克·西纳特拉安全送回家后，巴里·基南和他的同伙被捕。
Keenan was sentenced to life plus 75 years, but was released after just 4 years because the psychiatric evaluation found that he was legally insane at the time of his crime.
基南被判处无期徒刑加 75 年徒刑，但仅 4 年后就被释放，因为精神病学评估发现他在犯罪时处于法律上的精神错乱。
He returned to the real estate business where he was wildly successful-- became a millionaire.
他回到房地产行业并取得了巨大成功，成为了百万富翁。
A few years ago, he sold his kidnapping story to the movie studios for several times more than the original ransom amount.
几年前，他将自己的绑架故事卖给了电影制片厂，价格比原来的赎金高出好几倍。
He showed his papers indicating that all of his profits from the sale would go to charity and says that he agreed to a movie deal only to set the record straight about a lie that he told during his trial back in the 1960s.
他出示了他的文件，表明他从销售中获得的所有利润都将捐献给慈善机构，并表示他同意电影交易只是为了澄清他在 1960 年代审判期间所说的谎言。
Back then, he says he spread a rumor that the kidnapping was only a publicity stunt staged by the Sinatras and not a real kidnapping.
他说，当时他散布谣言，称这次绑架只是西纳特拉家族的一场宣传噱头，而不是真正的绑架。
Under the Son of Sam law, which says that convicted felons cannot make a profit from selling their own stories, Frank Sinatra, Junior, challenged Keenan's contract with the movie studios.
根据山姆之子法，被定罪的重罪犯不能通过出售自己的故事来获利，少年弗兰克·西纳特拉对基南与电影制片厂的合同提出了质疑。
In February 2002, the California Supreme Court ruled in Keenan's favor, clearing the way for the movie to be made.
2002年2月，加州最高法院做出了对基南有利的裁决，为电影的拍摄扫清了道路。
But it never was.
但事实并非如此。
The studio, Columbia Pictures, put the project on hold.
哥伦比亚影业公司暂停了该项目。
And then in 2003, Showtime made the story into a film with William H.
2003 年，Showtime 与 William H.
Macy and David Arquette.
梅西和大卫·阿奎特。
Barry Keenan got no money from the deal.
巴里·基南没有从这笔交易中得到任何钱。
Act Four, A Fate Most of Us Fear.
第四幕，我们大多数人都害怕的命运。
Years ago, living in Canada, Jonathan Goldstein had a job selling the Montreal Gazette newspaper over the telephone.
多年前，居住在加拿大的乔纳森·戈尔茨坦找到了一份通过电话销售《蒙特利尔公报》的工作。
It was the normal kind of Plan B that most of us have had at one point or another.
这是我们大多数人都曾经经历过的一种正常的 B 计划。
And when he took the job, he did not realize that it would become a 10-year chapter in his life.
当他接受这份工作时，他并没有意识到这将成为他人生中的10年篇章。
When you're a little kid, you never decide that one day you're going to be a telemarketer.
当你还是个小孩子的时候，你永远不会决定有一天你要成为一名电话推销员。
It's not something that you plan.
这不是你计划好的事情。
It just happens, like the way going bald just happens, or the way falling down a flight of stairs just happens.
它就这样发生了，就像秃头只是发生了，或者从楼梯上摔下来一样。
One minute you're at the top of the landing, and the next you're at the bottom.
前一分钟你还在平台的顶部，下一分钟你就到了平台的底部。
And you'll be damned if you can remember each one of the individual steps that led you between the two.
如果你能记住引导你在这两者之间迈出的每一步，那你就该死了。
All during the time I was working at the Gazette, I found it nearly impossible to bring myself to tell anyone I was a telemarketer.
在我在《公报》工作期间，我发现自己几乎不可能告诉任何人我是一名电话推销员。
When people asked what it was I did for a living, I'd simply say that I was a salesman.
当人们问我以什么为生时，我只会说我是一名推销员。
And when they asked what it was that I sold, I would say dreams.
当他们问我卖的是什么时，我会说梦想。
And then I would look at them for a moment, quizzically.
然后我会疑惑地看着它们一会儿。
Then I would say that I was only joking, and then they would say, oh.
然后我会说我只是开玩笑，然后他们会说，哦。
And I would become uncomfortable, and then they would become uncomfortable.
我会变得不舒服，然后他们也会变得不舒服。
Then they would stop asking me anything.
然后他们就不再问我任何事情了。
As you might expect, the hard thing about working at the Gazette was that there was just so much rejection.
正如你所预料的那样，在《公报》工作的困难之处在于遭到了太多的拒绝。
Even though you were calling almost 200 people a day, 98% of whom wanted to see you dead, you still had to bring a certain hopefulness to each call, a feeling that this one, the call you were making right now could be the one.
尽管你每天要给近 200 个人打电话，其中 98% 的人都希望看到你死去，但你仍然必须对每个电话都抱有一定的希望，感觉你现在打的这个电话可能就是那个电话。
It was almost like trying to hypnotize yourself into believing that something as certain as, say, gravity didn't exist.
这几乎就像试图催眠自己，让自己相信像重力这样确定的东西并不存在。
And the next time you dropped the apple, it won't fall to the ground, but it will float up into the sky like a helium balloon.
下次你扔下苹果时，它不会掉到地上，而是会像氦气球一样漂浮到天空中。
I would often pretend the people on the other end of the line were sock puppets to soften the sting of their hang up.
我经常假装电话那头的人是傀儡，以减轻挂断电话的刺痛感。
I once shared this thought with a girl who had just started working there.
我曾经和一个刚开始在那里工作的女孩分享过这个想法。
Pretend there's a little sock puppet on the other end, I encouraged.
我鼓励说，假装另一端有一个小袜子木偶。
All cute with coat button eyes, holding the phone in his mouth.
长着大衣扣子的眼睛，嘴里拿着手机，都很可爱。
She considered the logic of this for a moment.
她思考了一下这其中的逻辑。
How does he talk with a phone in his mouth?
他怎么嘴里含着电话说话？
She asked.
她问道。
And for this, I really didn't have an answer.
而对于这个问题，我实在没有答案。
In the pitching room, we all wore these headsets that were connected to computers.
在投球室里，我们都戴着这些连接到电脑的耳机。
As soon as we hung up, the computer automatically dialed the next number so that we were always speaking to someone without respite.
我们一挂断电话，电脑就会自动拨打下一个号码，这样我们就可以一直不间断地与某人通话。
Our boss was a man named Ray, and if you made two or three sales a day, then you were doing OK, and Ray wouldn't scream at you.
我们的老板是一个叫雷的人，如果你一天能卖出两到三笔，那么你就做得很好，雷不会对你尖叫。
Generally, I found the repetitiousness of the job comforting.
总的来说，我发现这份工作的重复性让人感到安慰。
You're never at a loss for words.
你永远不会不知所措。
You always know what you're going to say.
你总是知道自己要说什么。
Because what you were going to say is, hi, my name is Jonathan, and I wanted to know if you're interested in reading the Gazette newspaper.
因为你想说的是，嗨，我叫乔纳森，我想知道你是否有兴趣阅读《公报》。
One time, a woman who answered the phone would not believe I wasn't a friend of hers named Christopher.
有一次，一位接电话的女士不相信我不是她克里斯托弗的朋友。
Stop playing around Christopher, she said.
别再玩弄克里斯托弗了，她说。
But I'm not Christopher, I responded.
但我不是克里斯托弗，我回答道。
Will you cut it out, Christopher?
你能把它剪掉吗，克里斯托弗？
After several minutes of this, I had to hang up on her.
几分钟后，我不得不挂断她的电话。
I knew that Christopher was going to get it for that.
我知道克里斯托弗会为此得到它。
From my very first week at the Gazette, I was surprised to discover that I had a natural gift for sales.
从我在《公报》工作的第一周起，我就惊讶地发现自己有销售的天赋。
Whatever I was and whatever aspirations I had before I started working there, I became an instant Gazette legend, sometimes selling up to 10 subscriptions in the course of a shift.
无论我在开始工作之前的身份是什么，无论我有什么抱负，我都立即成为《公报》的传奇人物，有时在一个轮班的过程中卖出多达 10 份订阅。
I got on the phone with people, and I made them want to listen.
我和人们通电话，让他们愿意听。
I joked with the men and flirted with the women.
我和男人开玩笑，和女人调情。
I gently cajoled them, bundling them up in my good strong telemarketing arms and tossed them up into the air where they screamed delightedly, only to land back down with a brand new Gazette subscription.
我轻轻地哄骗他们，用我那有力的电话营销手臂把他们捆起来，然后把他们抛到空中，他们高兴地尖叫，然后又带着一份全新的公报订阅降落回来。
I would look around me at the other sad sacks in the pitching room and wonder how they could go on just scraping by with their two or three sales a day.
我会环顾四周，看看投球室里其他令人伤心的麻袋，想知道他们如何能够继续每天靠着两到三笔销售勉强度日。
Telemarketing had been my backup plan, but now I found myself faced with the uncomfortable fact that it was what I was truly good at.
电话营销一直是我的后备计划，但现在我发现自己面临着一个令人不安的事实：这才是我真正擅长的。
I got myself a lucky ballpoint pen and spent half a day's pay on a fancy attache case to put my leads in.
我幸运地给自己买了一支圆珠笔，并花了半天的工资买了一个精美的手提箱来装我的引线。
I even had a special way of filling out the order forms that involved clear capital letters and X's, never checks, in the boxes marked Visa or MasterCard.
我什至有一种特殊的方式来填写订单表格，其中包含清晰的大写字母和 X，而不是支票，在标有 Visa 或 MasterCard 的框中。
There was a bell on Ray's desk for when you made a sale.
当你进行销售时，雷的桌子上有一个铃。
And when I made a sale, I had a special way of hitting it with the balls of my fingers that made it sound as crisp and clean as a glockenspiel.
当我进行销售时，我有一种特殊的方式用手指敲击它，使其听起来像钟琴一样清脆干净。
I always kept to the one tap per sale rule.
我始终遵守每次销售一键的规则。
I respected the bill, not like some of the other guys who rang the crap out of it like they were five-year-olds riding their first two-wheeler.
我尊重这项法案，不像其他一些人那样胡言乱语，就像他们是五岁的孩子骑着他们的第一辆两轮车一样。
The office manager was a man named Billy.
办公室经理是一个名叫比利的人。
Billy was a fat loudmouthed Greek man in a skintight Hawaiian shirt.
比利是一个肥胖的、大嘴的希腊男人，穿着一件紧身夏威夷衬衫。
One of Billy's jobs was to keep us inspired with pep talks.
比利的工作之一就是通过鼓舞士气的演讲来激励我们。
Billy would explain to us when he first started working at the Gazette, he was sitting right where we were, and that now, he makes as much money as a plumber.
比利会向我们解释，当他第一次开始在《公报》工作时，他就坐在我们所在的地方，而现在，他赚的钱和水管工一样多。
And that in fact, we all had the opportunity to make as much as a plumber.
事实上，我们都有机会像水管工一样赚钱。
I'm going out and eating a big fat steak tonight, he would say, just like the way at the end of a day, a plumber does.
今晚我要出去吃一大块肥牛排，他会说，就像水管工一天结束时所做的那样。
Eventually, as happens to all the mighty, I fell.
最终，正如所有强者所发生的那样，我倒下了。
Even now, I can't explain it.
即使现在我也无法解释。
Hubris, my diet.
傲慢，我的饮食。
Perhaps I started taking myself too seriously and lost my sense of fun.
也许我开始把自己看得太严肃，失去了乐趣。
Who knows?
谁知道？
But whatever the case, I suddenly found myself so desperate for sales that at the end of a shift, still with nothing, I would order the paper to my own address and then cancel it the following week.
但无论如何，我突然发现自己非常渴望销售，以至于在轮班结束时，我仍然一无所获，我会订购报纸到我自己的地址，然后在下周取消它。
It's a very real thing, the stink of desperation.
这是非常真实的事情，绝望的恶臭。
It's an actual odor, and people can smell it over the phone line.
这是一种真实的气味，人们可以通过电话线闻到它。
Your jokes become a little more hurried and forced, your confidence a little more false, your pauses more awkward.
你的笑话变得更加仓促和强迫，你的自信变得更加虚假，你的停顿变得更加尴尬。
I soon found myself gazing longingly at the filled-out order sheets clutched in the fist of the new office superstar, a 17-year-old whose phone name was Candy, who'd stroll past my desk humming "Taking Care of Business."
很快，我发现自己满怀渴望地注视着新任办公室巨星手中握着的填写好的订单表，他是一位 17 岁的年轻人，电话名叫 Candy，他会哼着“照顾生意”走过我的办公桌。
Now, when I came back from the bathroom during my shift, Ray would ask me what the hell took so long.
现在，当我轮班从卫生间回来时，雷会问我到底怎么花了这么长时间。
The toilet was for closers.
厕所是给闭门器用的。
A few weeks ago, I got home and found this on my answering machine.
几周前，我回到家，在答录机上发现了这个。
Hello?
你好？
Jonathan Goldstein When the telemarketer realized that there was no one there to pitch to, he stopped himself.
乔纳森·戈尔茨坦 当电话推销员意识到没有人可以向他推销时，他停了下来。
But I want you to listen again and notice the long pause before he actually puts the phone down.
但我希望你再听一遍，注意他真正挂断电话之前的长时间停顿。
Hello?
你好？
Jonathan Goldstein He says hello, he inhales, and before he puts the phone down, he pauses.
乔纳森·戈德斯坦（Jonathan Goldstein）他打了个招呼，吸了一口气，在放下电话之前停了下来。
As someone who's sold over the telephone for close to 10 years, I can tell you that the pause between the hello and the hang up is a moment of reprieve.
作为一个通过电话销售近 10 年的人，我可以告诉你，打招呼和挂断电话之间的停顿是一个喘息的时刻。
You start to talk, you realize you've gotten an answering machine, and then before you actually hang up, you steal a moment.
你开始说话，你意识到你已经接到了电话答录机，然后在你真正挂断电话之前，你偷走了一点时间。
You take shelter in those few seconds before you hit the hang up button and the onslaught of automatically dialed phone numbers begins anew, delivering the voices of people who will very soon hate you directly into the earphones of your headset and straight into your brain.
在按下挂断按钮之前的几秒钟内，您躲藏起来，自动拨打的电话号码的冲击重新开始，将那些很快就会讨厌您的人的声音直接传递到耳机的耳机中，并直接进入您的大脑。
I played the message over and over, listening to it, not to better hear the chaos of the pitching room, but to try and imagine what was going through his head.
我一遍又一遍地播放这条信息，听它，不是为了更好地听到投球室的混乱，而是试图想象他脑子里在想什么。
And at the same time, I tried to remember what went through my own head during those pauses.
与此同时，我试图回忆起在这些停顿期间我自己的脑子里在想什么。
It was always sort of like that moment in a horror film with the guy who's having his head held down in a bathtub of water pops up one last time and goes, [INHALES] before he is pushed back down and is drowned forever.
这总是有点像恐怖电影中的那一刻，那个人把头埋在浴缸里的水里，最后一次弹出来，[吸气]，然后他被推回去，永远被淹死。
Since the numbers were automatically dialed, you never knew who was going to pop up in your headset.
由于号码是自动拨打的，因此您永远不知道谁会在您的耳机中弹出。
One time I got my friend Mark Zelnicker on the phone, a guy who I hadn't seen in years.
有一次，我给朋友马克·泽尔尼克 (Mark Zelnicker) 打电话，他是我多年未见的人。
Mark was in my junior high phys ed class.
马克是我初中体育课的学生。
He used to get so excited while playing hog ball that he'd clutch the ball to his chest and roll around the floor drooling.
他过去常常在打猪球时非常兴奋，以至于他会把球抱在胸前，在地板上打滚，流着口水。
I tried to keep him on the phone as long as possible, never saying who I was, gleaning whatever I could about his life.
我尽量让他保持通话时间，从不透露我是谁，尽可能地收集有关他生活的信息。
I could hear his kids playing around, trying to steal the phone from him.
我能听到他的孩子们在玩耍，试图从他那里偷手机。
And all throughout, I was shocked by how unfailingly decent he was with me.
自始至终，我都对他对我表现出的始终如一的正派感到震惊。
I felt like the anonymous stranger who shows up on Christmas Day to test a family's kindness.
我感觉自己就像一个匿名的陌生人，在圣诞节那天出现来测试一个家庭的友善程度。
Mark didn't buy the paper, but he didn't rush me off either.
马克没有买那份报纸，但他也没有催促我离开。
It felt good to know that Mark Zelnicker had grown up to be a really nice man.
知道马克·泽尔尼克已经成长为一个非常好的人，感觉很好。
There was also one time I got my grandmother.
还有一次我得到了我的祖母。
After several minutes of talking about how weird it was that I had gotten her number out of all the numbers in the city, she told me that she had just learned that morning that my grandfather's cancer had come back.
她跟我聊了几分钟，说我从城里的所有电话号码中找到了她的电话号码，这是多么奇怪，然后她告诉我，那天早上她刚刚得知我祖父的癌症复发了。
I looked across the room where Billy the manager was eating French fries, and someone else was ringing the bell on Ray's desk.
我望向房间另一边，经理比利正在吃炸薯条，还有人在按雷办公桌上的门铃。
After I hung up the phone with her, not a second later, another call popped into my headset.
我挂断她的电话后，不到一秒钟，我的耳机里又响起了一个电话。
Hi, I'm calling from the Gazette, I said.
嗨，我是通过公报打来的，我说。
My grandfather would be dead within the year.
我的祖父将在年内去世。
And then one day, I got my own number.
然后有一天，我得到了自己的电话号码。
I can't explain it better than to say that having that happen is sort of like rounding the corner and running into yourself.
我无法更好地解释这一点，只能说发生这种情况有点像拐过街角却撞上了自己。
At first, you don't quite recognize that it's you.
起初，你不太认识到那是你。
You look a little shorter and less handsome.
你看上去矮了一些，也不那么英俊了。
But then all of a sudden, in one naked instant, you're face to face with yourself.
但突然之间，在一个赤裸裸的瞬间，你面对面地面对了自己。
I was the telemarketing dog that had caught its own telemarketing tail.
我是一只抓住了自己电话营销尾巴的电话营销狗。
The message that I left myself, because you just can't resist leaving yourself a message, was something like, yep, here I am.
我给自己留下的信息是因为你无法抗拒给自己留下信息，就像是，是的，我在这里。
God, this is awful.
天啊，这太可怕了。
This is horrible.
这太可怕了。
This has to mean something.
这一定意味着什么。
But of course, it didn't mean anything.
但当然，这没有任何意义。
And then for the next several seconds, I listened to the silence on the other end of the line, my own line, as I worried about the rapid fire calls that would start again the moment I hung up.
然后在接下来的几秒钟里，我听着线路另一端（我自己的线路）的沉默，因为我担心挂断电话后会再次响起快速的火力呼叫。
When I got back home, I had exactly two messages on my machine.
当我回到家时，我的机器上正好有两条消息。
One was the message from myself.
其中之一是我自己发来的信息。
I was surprised by how loud the background noise was behind me and how much smaller I sounded than I'd imagined all these years.
我惊讶于我身后的背景噪音有多大，而我听起来比我这些年来想象的要小得多。
The other message was from my mother.
另一条消息是我母亲发来的。
She was imploring me to go back to school and become a speech therapist.
她恳求我回到学校并成为一名言语治疗师。
Jonathan Goldstein is the host of the podcast, Heavyweight, whose new season starts September 26.
乔纳森·戈尔茨坦 (Jonathan Goldstein) 是播客《Heavyweight》的主持人，新一季将于 9 月 26 日开始。
Act Five: The Accursed Items Ira Glass Act Five, The Accursed Items.
第五幕：被诅咒的物品 艾拉·格拉斯 第五幕，被诅咒的物品。
It's not just human beings who fail to achieve the fate that they thought that fate had in store for them.
不只是人类未能实现他们认为命运为他们准备的命运。
Most everything does.
大多数事情都是如此。
Most everything eventually ends up somewhere that it was not designed to go, serving a purpose that it was not meant for, even if that purpose is just landfill.
大多数东西最终都会到达它不该去的地方，服务于它不该达到的目的，即使这个目的只是垃圾填埋场。
We end our program today with this brief inventory from J.
我们今天以 J. 的简短盘点结束我们的节目。
Robert Lennon of inanimate objects who have left their Plan A far behind and now inhabit a permanent Plan B.
罗伯特·列侬（Robert Lennon）的无生命物体已经将他们的 A 计划远远抛在了后面，现在居住在永久的 B 计划中。
(HOST) J.
（主持人）J.
ROBERT LENNON: A bottle of pain reliever brought on a business trip that proves, at the moment it is most needed, to be filled not with pain reliever, but with buttons.
罗伯特·列侬：出差时带的一瓶止痛药，事实证明，目前最需要的不是装止痛药，而是装纽扣。
An accomplished forgery of a famous painting that was thought to have been lost in a 1965 mansion fire, which now hangs in the largest gallery of a major American art museum.
这是对一幅名画的精心伪造，这幅画被认为在 1965 年的一场豪宅火灾中丢失了，现在挂在美国一家主要艺术博物馆最大的画廊中。
Sneakers hanging from the power line, with one-half of a boy's broken glasses stuffed into each toe.
运动鞋挂在电线上，每个脚趾都塞着男孩破碎的眼镜的一半。
J.
J。
Robert Lennon reading a story, The Accursed Items, which is in a collection of stories called See You in Paradise.
罗伯特·列侬正在读故事集《被诅咒的物品》，该故事位于《天堂见》故事集中。
His latest novel is Broken River.
他的最新小说是《断河》。
Bite it like you mean it.
按照你的意思咬它。
Like cave woman.
就像穴居女人一样。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Back next week with more stories of This American Life.
下周我们将带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。