183: The Missing Parents Bureau - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #183 | April 20, 2007 183: The Missing Parents Bureau Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 183 集 | 2007 年 4 月 20 日 183：失踪父母局 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Glen's not being mean when he mentions his other family, the one back in Africa.
序言 当艾拉·格拉斯·格伦提到他在非洲的另一个家人时，他并没有刻薄的意思。
He's only seven, and adopted, and black, living with Cate and her husband, who are white.
他只有七岁，是被收养的黑人，与凯特和她的白人丈夫住在一起。
It comes up if he's punished, for instance.
例如，如果他受到惩罚，就会出现这种情况。
The best example I can think of is he's not allowed to cross the street by himself at seven.
我能想到的最好的例子就是七点钟不准他独自过马路。
And he went over to a neighbor's house and then he came back by himself.
他去了邻居家，然后自己回来了。
And I kind of saw him do that.
我好像看到他这么做了。
I knew he was looking, but I followed through.
我知道他在看，但我还是跟着看了。
This is against the rules.
这是违反规则的。
And so when he came in the house he was sent to his room.
因此，当他进屋时，他被送到了自己的房间。
And it's upstairs.
而且它在楼上。
And he sort of stomped up the stairs.
他跺着脚走上楼梯。
"I'm going to leave.
“我要走了。
I'm out of here.
我要离开这里了
I'm out of here.
我要离开这里了
I'm going back to my family in Africa.
我要回到非洲的家人身边。
I'm out of this family." Because in Africa, he was a prince, you have to understand.
我已经脱离这个家庭了。”因为在非洲，他是王子，你必须理解。
And he's stomping up the stairs and I sort of said to him, "They have rules in Africa."
他跺着脚走上楼梯，我对他说：“非洲有规矩。”
And he said, "Yeah, but they don't have roads in Africa.
他说：“是的，但非洲没有公路。
And so I wouldn't be grounded in Africa."
所以我不会被困在非洲。”
Now this departs from reality in a number of ways.
现在这在很多方面都偏离了现实。
Number one, of course, there are roads in Africa.
第一，当然，非洲有公路。
Number two, Glen wasn't adopted from Africa.
第二，格伦不是从非洲收养的。
He's not a prince.
他不是王子。
He was adopted from Chicago, which he knows very well.
他是从芝加哥被收养的，他对芝加哥很熟悉。
He has other parents who he could fantasize about, other parents who he could actually meet.
他还有其他他可以幻想的父母，其他他可以真正见到的父母。
But he doesn't want that.
但他不希望这样。
Not yet.
还没有。
I ask that many times and I have offered to help him find them.
我多次问过这个问题，并主动提出帮助他找到它们。
He's not ready for that.
他还没有准备好。
It's so interesting that it's not a desire for the actual parents, it's a desire for perfect parents.
有趣的是，这不是对现实父母的渴望，而是对完美父母的渴望。
Fantasy is pretty wonderful.
幻想是相当美妙的。
If you were a prince in Africa you wouldn't want to give it up either.
如果你是非洲的王子，你也不会想放弃它。
In 1908, Sigmund Freud wrote an article with the disturbing name "Family Romances," in which he pointed out how common it is for children to fantasize, at some point or another, that the parents that they live with are not their real parents.
1908年，西格蒙德·弗洛伊德（Sigmund Freud）写了一篇名为《家庭浪漫史》（Family Romances）的令人不安的文章，其中他指出，孩子们在某些时候幻想与他们一起生活的父母不是他们真正的父母是多么普遍。
Their real parents are out there, somewhere, and are perfect.
他们真正的父母就在那里，在某个地方，而且是完美的。
Aristocrats, Freud says.
弗洛伊德说，贵族。
It's comforting compared with the flaws of any real parents.
与任何真正的父母的缺点相比，这是令人欣慰的。
And if you are somebody whose real parents aren't around anymore, really, how will you choose to imagine them?
如果你的亲生父母已经不在身边，你会如何选择想象他们呢？
When do you want reality and when do you want fantasy?
什么时候你想要现实，什么时候你想要幻想？
Well, today on our radio show, we bring you stories of children put into that position.
好吧，今天在我们的广播节目中，我们为您带来孩子们被置于这种境地的故事。
From WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it's This American Life.
来自芝加哥 WBEZ 和国际公共广播电台的《This American Life》。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Today, stories from the Missing Parents Bureau.
今天，来自失踪父母局的故事。
We bring you four case examples.
我们为您带来四个案例。
Case One, Better Left to the Imagination.
情况一，最好留给想象。
Why mothers who are impregnated with samples from sperm banks might choose to know less about the donors rather than more.
为什么接受精子库样本怀孕的母亲可能会选择更少而不是更多地了解捐赠者。
Case Two, Tell It to the Void, in which we have these funny, moving letters the mom of a 13 year old has written to the kid's absent dad, letters she writes even though she has no idea where to send them.
案例二，《告诉虚空》，其中有一封 13 岁孩子的妈妈写给孩子缺席的父亲的有趣而感人的信，尽管她不知道该寄到哪里，但她还是写下了这些信。
Act Three, I'm an Orphan; Don't Tell My Mom.
第三幕，我是孤儿；别告诉我妈妈。
Starlee Kine remembers back in the day when everybody wanted to be an orphan.
斯塔莉·凯恩（Starlee Kine）记得那时每个人都想成为孤儿。
Act Four, Runaway Mom.
第四幕，逃跑的妈妈。
It's the old story.
这是老故事了。
Baby meets mom.
宝宝遇见了妈妈。
Baby loses mom.
宝宝失去了妈妈。
Baby asks after mom.
宝宝问妈妈的情况。
Adoptive parents wonder what to say about mom.
养父母想知道该怎么评价妈妈。
That story from Dan Savage.
丹·萨维奇的故事。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Better Left to the Imagination.
第一幕，最好留给想象。
If you want to understand how much kids and the parents left behind think about an absent parent, and what is that they do think about, consider what happens when kids are born to infertile couples, or to single moms, with sperm gotten from a sperm bank.
如果你想了解孩子和留下的父母对缺席的父母有多少想法，以及他们确实在想什么，请考虑一下当不孕夫妇或单亲妈妈用从精子库获取的精子生下孩子时会发生什么。
Most sperm banks provide all sorts of information about their donors.
大多数精子库提供有关其捐赠者的各种信息。
And parents getting this sperm can actually choose how much they want to find out.
获得精子的父母实际上可以选择他们想要了解的程度。
How much they want their kid to find out.
他们多么希望他们的孩子知道。
And how much they'd rather not know.
他们宁愿不知道多少。
Alix Spiegel has our story.
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔讲述了我们的故事。
The donor is German.
捐赠者是德国人。
His interests include music, literature, and comparative religion.
他的兴趣包括音乐、文学和比较宗教。
He claims to have scored 780 on his math SATs and says that as a child he excelled at both violin and piano.
他声称自己的 SAT 数学成绩为 780 分，并表示小时候他的小提琴和钢琴成绩都很出色。
That in fact, in school he was at the top of his class in music theory.
事实上，在学校里，他的音乐理论成绩在班上名列前茅。
He lists his favorite qualities as discipline, strength, honesty, and order.
他列出了他最喜欢的品质：纪律、力量、诚实和秩序。
And when asked what message he would like to convey to the recipients of his semen he writes, "Take the middle path.
当被问及他想向精液接受者传达什么信息时，他写道：“走中间道路。
Avoid extremes.
避免极端。
Treat everyone you meet the way that you would like to be treated.
以你希望别人对待你的方式对待你遇到的每个人。
And please, read The Razor's Edge by Somerset Maugham."
请阅读萨默塞特·毛姆的《剃刀边缘》。”
The donor is Chinese.
捐赠者是中国人。
He says that he is excellent at visualizing abstracts and can, quote, "Take any car apart and learn it inside out." He can run six miles.
他说他非常擅长将摘要可视化，并且可以引用“将任何汽车拆开并从里到外地学习它”。他能跑六英里。
He can play guitar.
他会弹吉他。
His hobbies include microbrews and football.
他的爱好包括酿酒和足球。
When asked about his ambitions in life he writes that he wants to "help transform the moon for human habitation and create some kind of food supply that will replace meat." He says he's become a sperm donor because he wants to make sure that his genes are perpetuated into the future.
当被问及他的人生抱负时，他写道，他想“帮助改造月球以供人类居住，并创造某种替代肉类的食物供应。”他说他成为一名精子捐赠者是因为他想确保他的基因能够延续到未来。
He also writes that he's poor.
他还写道，他很穷。
A student.
一名学生。
He says he needs the money.
他说他需要钱。
There are six-foot philosophers and pot-smoking surfers, future doctors, out-of-work computer programmers, and hopeful actors who are currently employed at the Dairy Queen.
其中有六英尺高的哲学家、吸食大麻的冲浪者、未来的医生、失业的计算机程序员，以及目前受雇于冰雪皇后的充满希望的演员。
They come in all shapes and sizes, but most of them are there for the money.
它们的形状和大小各不相同，但大多数都是为了钱。
Young men who walk off the street and are given dirty magazines, a small plastic container, and a private room.
走出街道的年轻男子会得到脏杂志、一个小塑料容器和一间私人房间。
But first there are forms to fill out-- health surveys, family histories, essay questions.
但首先要填写一些表格——健康调查、家族史、问答题。
This information-- and there's a lot of it-- is then compiled into catalogs.
这些信息——而且有很多——然后被编译成目录。
Glossy pamphlets filled with men sorted by ethnicity or level of education, and then sent through the mail.
光鲜亮丽的小册子里写满了按种族或教育程度分类的男性，然后通过邮件发送。
Sometimes to infertile couples, sometimes to single women.
有时针对不孕夫妇，有时针对单身女性。
People whose lives haven't worked out quite the way they had hoped, but who are ready to cut their losses, shelve their doubts, and proceed with plan B.
人们的生活并没有按照他们希望的那样发展，但他们已经准备好减少损失，搁置疑虑，并继续执行 B 计划。
This isn't about falling in love with some guy.
这不是爱上某个人。
It's about making a very scientific decision.
这是要做出非常科学的决定。
On the first page of my reporter's notebook, under the heading Karen in Brooklyn, there are these three words-- organized, tasteful, and fantasy.
在我的记者笔记本的第一页，在布鲁克林的凯伦标题下，有这三个词——有条理、有品位和幻想。
The first two words refer to Karen's apartment, a spacious one-bedroom in a fancy apartment house two blocks from the park in Park Slope, Brooklyn.
前两个词指的是凯伦的公寓，这是一栋豪华公寓中的一间宽敞的卧室，距离布鲁克林公园坡公园两个街区。
The third word, fantasy, refers to something that Karen said to me in the first five minutes of our interview.
第三个词，幻想，指的是凯伦在采访的前五分钟对我说的话。
She assured me, in the most reasonable tone possible, that the traditional idea of parenthood was a myth, a bill of goods we sold ourselves in order to bolster the illusion of control.
她以最合理的语气向我保证，传统的为人父母观念是一个神话，是我们为了增强控制幻觉而出售自己的货物清单。
You think because you marry somebody and you love them and you get together and you're going to have a child that you can in some way predict what your kid's going to be like.
你认为，因为你嫁给了某人，你爱他们，你们在一起，你将会生一个孩子，你可以以某种方式预测你的孩子会是什么样子。
But you can't.
但你不能。
Your kid's going to be something else.
你的孩子将会成为另外一个人。
Your kid's going to be its own thing.
你的孩子将会成为他自己的事情。
Every parent I've ever spoken to has told me that their kid sort of came out fully formed, just the way that they are.
我采访过的每一位家长都告诉我，他们的孩子已经完全成型，就像他们本来的样子一样。
And that the kid just sort of unfolds.
那孩子就这样展开了。
So there's no more guarantee that I'm going to be able to identify what my kid's going to be like by picking a donor as there is by picking a husband.
因此，我不能再保证通过选择捐赠者能够像选择丈夫一样确定我的孩子会是什么样子。
Armed with this idea, Karen developed a theory.
有了这个想法，凯伦提出了一个理论。
I'll call it the theory of genetic variety.
我将其称为遗传多样性理论。
She believed that the health of her child would be substantially improved if she could find a donor who was the genetic opposite of herself.
她相信，如果能找到与自己基因相反的捐赠者，孩子的健康状况将会得到大幅改善。
As an Eastern European Jew, she was therefore searching, she told me, for something along the lines of Cuban Swede, or maybe, Siberian Argentinian.
她告诉我，作为一名东欧犹太人，她正在寻找类似古巴瑞典人或西伯利亚阿根廷人的东西。
She talked about this theory for a pretty long time, carefully emphasizing that this process was not about love, but about locating what she called "a little genetic material." Then she brought out the folders, a stack of catalogs almost a foot high which Karen had ranked using a system of checks and x's.
她谈论了这个理论相当长的时间，并小心翼翼地强调这个过程不是关于爱情，而是关于找到她所谓的“一点遗传物质”。然后她拿出文件夹，一叠目录几乎有一英尺高，凯伦用支票和x的系统对它们进行了排序。
We begin at the top.
我们从顶部开始。
Brown eyes, brown straight hair, medium skin tone.
棕色眼睛，棕色直发，中等肤色。
And then his education.
然后是他的教育。
This guy had a bachelor's in psychology.
这家伙拥有心理学学士学位。
A lot of them are students, so you're not going to get much-- their occupation is probably what they want to be rather than what they are.
他们中的很多人都是学生，所以你不会得到太多——他们的职业可能是他们想成为的人，而不是他们本身。
Now that's kind of interesting to me.
现在这对我来说有点有趣。
I mean, did it feel weird to you at all that you would be having a child with a much younger man?
我的意思是，你和一个年轻得多的男人生孩子对你来说有没有感觉很奇怪？
Oh my god, it's so bizarre.
天哪，这太奇怪了。
Alix Spiegel I should mention here that although Karen looks extremely young, with a small thin frame and smooth tan face, she's actually 39.
Alix Spiegel 在这里我要提一下，虽然凯伦看起来非常年轻，身材瘦小，脸庞晒成光滑的棕褐色，但她实际上已经39岁了。
When I saw if they felt really young and boyish for whatever reason, I couldn't use them.
当我看到它们是否因为某种原因而显得非常年轻和孩子气时，我无法使用它们。
I had to pass.
我必须通过。
Absolutely.
绝对地。
I couldn't control-- I didn't predict that seeing the age would send this really weird feeling through me, but it just did.
我无法控制——我没有预料到看到年龄会给我带来这种非常奇怪的感觉，但事实就是如此。
And I went to my email group about this and a lot of other women shared this same feeling, that it just feels funny.
我去了我的电子邮件小组讨论了这个问题，很多其他女性也有同样的感觉，这感觉很有趣。
I want to almost say incestuous.
我几乎想说乱伦。
I want to almost say-- what's the word?
我几乎想说——这个词是什么？
Not incestuous, but there's a word for that when you--
不是乱伦，但是有一个词可以形容当你——
Illegal?
非法？
Karen Yeah, exactly.
凯伦 是的，完全正确。
It's like, statutory rape.
这就像法定强奸。
It was a sentiment which didn't square very well with the notion of scientific process.
这种情绪与科学过程的概念不太相符。
After all, the sperm of an 18-year-old is no more or less mature than the sperm of an 88-year-old, as Karen herself admits.
毕竟，正如凯伦自己所承认的那样，18 岁的精子并不比 88 岁的精子成熟。
You know, even though this is a process that I have tried to make very sort of organized and scientific, there's this part of you that you can't really control and you can't really predict.
你知道，尽管我试图使这个过程变得非常有组织和科学，但你的这一部分你无法真正控制，也无法真正预测。
And it just leaps out and you're like, I don't like this guy.
然后它就会跳出来，你会说，我不喜欢这个家伙。
I don't know why.
我不知道为什么。
That part of Karen, which she could not really control or predict, kept intruding on her search, no matter what her best intentions were.
凯伦的那部分她无法真正控制或预测的部分，不断地侵入她的搜索，无论她最好的意图是什么。
There was the problem of the red-headed donor, for example, a man who was clearly an inappropriate choice, but whose red hair attracted Karen because it reminded her of a college boyfriend.
比如说，红发捐赠者的问题，他显然是一个不合适的选择，但他的红头发却吸引了凯伦，因为这让她想起了一个大学男友。
Then one day, Karen stumbled on another donor.
然后有一天，凯伦偶然发现了另一位捐赠者。
His test scores weren't as high as some others.
他的考试成绩没有其他人那么高。
His family had some health problems which gave Karen pause.
他的家人出现了一些健康问题，这让凯伦犹豫不决。
Still, there was something in his essay answers which caught Karen's eye, a quality of speech that she found somehow familiar.
尽管如此，他的论文答案中还是有一些东西引起了凯伦的注意，她觉得这种说话的风格有点熟悉。
You know, and he named all these nuanced ways of experiencing the world.
你知道，他列举了所有这些体验世界的微妙方式。
I just thought, oh, wow.
我只是想，哦，哇。
This guy's complicated in a way that I'm complicated and that I appreciate completely in other people.
这个人很复杂，我也很复杂，而且我完全欣赏其他人的复杂性。
He just felt completely right.
他只是感觉完全正确。
And he was my guy.
他是我的人。
That was the guy.
就是那个家伙。
After her decision, Karen found herself thinking about her donor more and more.
做出决定后，凯伦发现自己越来越想念她的捐赠者。
She read over his information packet and talked about him frequently with friends.
她仔细阅读了他的信息包，并经常与朋友谈论他。
You know, I knew what the sister did and that she had a kid.
你知道，我知道姐姐做了什么，也知道她有一个孩子。
And I started thinking, oh, this is cool.
我开始想，哦，这很酷。
Look at all the languages they speak.
看看他们说的所有语言。
And I played violin and he plays violin.
我拉小提琴，他拉小提琴。
And I felt like it was good and right and positive.
我觉得这是好的、正确的、积极的。
And I just thought it was going to work out well, that I was bringing good stuff to a kid.
我只是觉得这会很顺利，我会给一个孩子带来好东西。
And then I called up one day to order.
然后有一天我打电话订购。
I used to order in batches, like a couple-- not just one at a time, but I was trying to psych myself out by over-ordering.
我过去常常像一对夫妇那样分批订购——而不是一次只订购一个，但我试图通过过量订购来让自己兴奋起来。
You know, because I figured I'd rather get stuck with extra sperm than no kid.
你知道，因为我想我宁愿被多余的精子困住，也不愿没有孩子。
So let's do it that way.
那么我们就这样做吧。
And I just called up, after I'd gotten my period yet again.
在我再次来月经后，我刚刚打电话过来。
And I called up to order some more.
我打电话去订购更多。
They were like, oh, it's not available.
他们说，哦，它不可用。
And I was like, what?
我当时想，什么？
Now, everybody will tell you be prepared for this.
现在，每个人都会告诉你为此做好准备。
I was totally unprepared.
我完全没有准备。
I had gotten so attached to this donor that I think I cried.
我对这位捐赠者如此依恋，以至于我想我哭了。
I think I just sat down and cried.
我想我只是坐下来哭了。
Without meaning to, without even being fully aware of her own behavior, Karen had gotten attached and transformed her donor into a kind of phantom boyfriend.
凯伦无意中，甚至没有完全意识到自己的行为，就对她的捐赠者产生了依恋，并将她变成了一种幽灵男友。
This isn't uncommon.
这并不罕见。
Several of the women I spoke to described a similar attachment to their first donors.
我采访过的几位女性都描述了对第一位捐赠者的类似依恋。
And like the others, after her first pick evaporated, Karen felt a profound sense of loss.
和其他人一样，在她的第一个选择消失后，凯伦感到了一种深深的失落感。
She cursed.
她咒骂道。
She cried.
她哭了。
Then Karen got out her catalogs and looked again.
然后凯伦拿出目录又看了一遍。
But this time she didn't dawdle over essay questions.
但这一次她没有在问答题上磨磨蹭蹭。
Karen did it by the numbers.
凯伦通过数字做到了这一点。
My second donor, he's a much more elite guy.
我的第二个捐赠者，他是一个更加精英的人。
Because that stuff is just easy to jump on.
因为那些东西很容易跳上去。
This guy's got a doctorate.
这家伙有博士学位。
He speaks like four languages.
他会说四种语言。
He's obviously brilliant.
他显然很聪明。
Do you feel less emotionally attached to this second donor?
您对第二位捐赠者的感情是否减少了？
I do.
我愿意。
I do.
我愿意。
Alix Spiegel And this created its own problem.
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔 这也产生了自己的问题。
Karen wanted some kind of connection, something which would allow her to feel that the father of her child was not simply a random stranger in a sperm bank.
凯伦想要某种联系，让她觉得孩子的父亲不仅仅是精子库中随机的陌生人。
Which is actually what he was.
他实际上就是这样。
But a worthy man, someone to respect and be proud of.
但他是一个有价值的人，一个值得尊重和自豪的人。
Put another way, Karen wanted some story which explained her choice.
换句话说，凯伦想要一些故事来解释她的选择。
A story that she could tell to herself.
一个她可以给自己讲的故事。
A story that someday, she could tell to her child.
有一天，她可以把这个故事讲给她的孩子听。
It was what she had to offer in lieu of something more substantive and she wanted to get it right.
这是她必须提供的东西，而不是更实质性的东西，她想把它做好。
In fact, this need for a connection, for some narrative which justifies the choice, is so profound, so important to this process, that Karen has decided to improvise a relationship with her second donor.
事实上，这种对联系的需求，对某种证明选择合理性的叙述的需求，对于这个过程是如此深刻、如此重要，以至于凯伦决定与她的第二位捐赠者建立即兴的关系。
The brilliant doctoral student with high marks in everything is originally from Spain.
这位各科成绩都很高的优秀博士生来自西班牙。
So Karen is planning a trip, a kind of ghost honeymoon with the idea of a dad, performed for a baby not yet born.
所以凯伦正在计划一次旅行，一种带着父亲想法的幽灵蜜月，为一个尚未出生的婴儿进行。
If I get pregnant with this donor, I will probably go to Barcelona and go to that region.
如果我怀上这个捐赠者，我可能会去巴塞罗那并去那个地区。
Just so that I can have done that while I was pregnant with this child whose father probably came from that region.
这样我就可以在我怀着这个孩子的时候做到这一点，他的父亲可能来自那个地区。
Just so I could have that to share with this kid.
只是为了让我能和这个孩子分享。
And that'll be the way that you communicate his father to him?
这就是你向他传达父亲信息的方式吗？
And I'll take a lot of pictures and I'll say, I don't know where-- but you know, this is where they're from.
我会拍很多照片，我会说，我不知道在哪里——但你知道，这就是它们来自的地方。
These are your people.
这些是你的人。
And I'll go back with the kid.
我会带着孩子回去。
As soon as the kid's ready to travel, we'll go there.
一旦孩子准备好旅行，我们就去那里。
We'll go there and I'll say, this is where your family's from.
我们会去那里，我会说，这是你家人的家乡。
Part of your family's from here.
你家人的一部分来自这里。
Increase your knowledge and you increase your grief is a Latin proverb I read once, and remember, I guess, because it seemed like a self-defeating way to open a book.
增加你的知识，你就会增加你的悲伤，这是我读过一次的拉丁谚语，我想我记住了，因为这似乎是一种弄巧成拙的打开一本书的方式。
But anyway, this is a lesson which Karen, and many of the other women I spoke to, seemed to understand intuitively as they went about choosing their donors.
但无论如何，凯伦和我采访过的许多其他女性在选择捐赠者时似乎直观地理解了这一教训。
In addition to medical histories and essay questions, many of the sperm banks offer pictures, audiotapes, even videos of potential donors.
除了病史和问答题外，许多精子库还提供潜在捐赠者的图片、录音带甚至视频。
But the women I spoke to didn't seem very interested in these options.
但与我交谈的女性似乎对这些选择不太感兴趣。
Not one of the four wanted to see a picture.
四个人中没有人想看照片。
They didn't want to watch video interviews either.
他们也不想看视频采访。
And only two had chosen to listen to audiotapes.
只有两人选择听录音带。
At first this confused me.
起初这让我很困惑。
Then I talked to Jamie.
然后我和杰米交谈。
I had no idea what I was going to go for.
我不知道我要去做什么。
So I said, well, let me go-- if I could pick my husband, what he looks like, and if he was smart or not, that's what I'm going to kind of pick.
所以我说，好吧，让我走吧——如果我可以选择我的丈夫，他长什么样，如果他聪明或不聪明，那就是我要选择的。
So you know, tall, dark, handsome, Italian stud sounded good to me.
所以你知道，高大、黝黑、英俊的意大利种马对我来说听起来不错。
Jamie is a hairdresser who lives in a comfortable old farmhouse in rural upstate New York.
杰米是一名美发师，住在纽约州北部乡村一栋舒适的老农舍里。
When I drive to her home, around 8:00 on a Tuesday night, there are so few lights in the area that it's sometimes difficult to see the road.
当我在周二晚上 8:00 左右开车去她家时，该地区的灯光很少，有时很难看清路。
Sitting at her kitchen table, Jamie tells me that even though she's always been independent-- she started her own business in her early 20s-- she somehow knew that she wanted a family.
坐在厨房的餐桌旁，杰米告诉我，尽管她一直很独立——她在 20 岁出头就开始了自己的事业——但她不知为何知道自己想要一个家庭。
It wasn't until her early 30s, though, when her best friend became pregnant with her third child, that Jamie decided that it was time to start a family of her own.
然而，直到她 30 岁出头，当她最好的朋友怀上了她的第三个孩子时，杰米才决定是时候组建自己的家庭了。
She contacted a sperm bank and immediately found three men that seemed attractive.
她联系了一家精子库，立即发现了三个看起来很有吸引力的男人。
One donor in particular had caught Jamie's eye.
一位捐赠者特别引起了杰米的注意。
And when the informational packets arrived, it was his tape that Jamie listened to first.
当信息包到达时，杰米首先听的是他的磁带。
I listened to his and I was like, oh no. He just didn't sound like anybody that I would ever want to talk with.
我听了他的话，我想，哦不。他听起来不像是我愿意与之交谈的人。
I don't know, he was just-- I don't know.
我不知道，他只是——我不知道。
It's hard to explain.
这很难解释。
It's just something that I couldn't connect with.
这只是我无法联系的东西。
I couldn't feel like, oh, he sounds really cool.
我感觉不到，哦，他听起来真的很酷。
Not at all.
一点也不。
Not at all.
一点也不。
And then I said to myself, maybe the audiotapes aren't really a good idea.
然后我对自己说，也许录音带并不是一个好主意。
Maybe it's too much.
也许太多了。
Because maybe I'm really going to love them on paper and maybe it's going to totally change my outlook.
因为也许我真的会喜欢纸上的它们，也许它会彻底改变我的看法。
In that experience of kind of liking someone on paper and then listening to their audiotape, was that like--
在那种在纸上喜欢某人然后听他们的录音带的经历中，是不是就像——
That was weird.
这很奇怪。
That was definitely weird.
这绝对很奇怪。
That was weird.
这很奇怪。
Because you know, like once you hear someone's voice it makes them real.
因为你知道，就像一旦你听到某人的声音，他就会变得真实。
If you ask Jamie to describe her donor, a man she's never seen, she'll tell you that she think he's about six feet tall.
如果你让杰米描述她的捐赠者，一个她从未见过的男人，她会告诉你她认为他大约有六英尺高。
She'll say that he has curly brown hair and horn-rimmed glasses.
她会说他有一头棕色卷发，戴着角质框眼镜。
And that when she thinks of him, she imagines him in a tomato garden, standing, laughing, his arm around his grandfather.
当她想起他时，她想象他在一个番茄园里，站着，笑着，手臂搂着他的祖父。
If you ask her, really push her, she'll also admit that she sometimes fantasizes that she meets this man and that they fall in love and get married, and live happily ever after with their child.
如果你问她，真的逼她，她也会承认，她有时会幻想自己遇到这个男人，然后他们坠入爱河并结婚，并与他们的孩子幸福地生活在一起。
But two seconds later, Jamie will tell you that she knows how ridiculous this sounds.
但两秒钟后，杰米会告诉你，她知道这听起来有多么荒谬。
That she doesn't take it seriously.
说明她不认真对待这件事。
That it's just a thought she had, one that doesn't mean anything.
这只是她的一个想法，没有任何意义。
Jamie is 32 years old.
杰米今年 32 岁。
She allows herself this fantasy and should allow herself this fantasy because she know she's in no danger of mistaking it for a possible reality.
她允许自己有这种幻想，也应该允许自己有这种幻想，因为她知道她不会有将其误认为可能的现实的危险。
But children are different.
但孩子不一样。
They're prone to hope and frequent victims of their own imagination.
他们容易抱有希望，并且经常成为自己想象力的受害者。
You know, I don't want them to have a picture in their head of somebody who didn't want to be with them.
你知道，我不想让他们脑子里浮现出一个不想和他们在一起的人的画面。
I want it to just be, OK, it was a man who let us borrow these special seeds.
我希望它只是，好吧，是一个人让我们借用这些特殊的种子。
That it was very generous of him.
他非常慷慨。
But I don't want to tell the child, well, this is what I thought he looked like and this is where I think he lived.
但我不想告诉孩子，嗯，这就是我认为他的样子，这就是我认为他住的地方。
I don't want to paint that whole big fantasy picture for a kid, and then that person's not there.
我不想为一个孩子描绘出一幅巨大的幻想图画，然后那个人就不在那里了。
This is a situation where less is better.
在这种情况下，越少越好。
Better that the child not think too carefully about who or what his father is.
孩子最好不要太仔细地思考他的父亲是谁或是什么。
Better that the women avoid pictures, avoid video.
女性最好避免拍照，避免视频。
In fact, I would make a further argument, that perversely, even though creating a child is one of the most intimate things two people can do, this entire process depends on anonymity, on all parties remaining as abstract an abstraction as possible.
事实上，我想提出一个进一步的论点，即反常的是，尽管创造一个孩子是两个人可以做的最亲密的事情之一，但这整个过程取决于匿名，取决于所有各方尽可能保持抽象。
To understand why this might be, consider the issue of the yes donor.
要理解为什么会出现这种情况，请考虑“是”捐赠者的问题。
A yes donor is sperm bank speak for a man who is willing to be contacted after the child turns 18.
“是”捐献者是精子库代言人，愿意在孩子年满 18 岁后与我们联系。
In other words, a potential real father that the kid could look forward to meeting.
换句话说，孩子期待见到一个潜在的真正的父亲。
On the surface, the yes donor option seems like a good idea.
从表面上看，“是”的捐赠者选项似乎是个好主意。
It certainly seems like a better deal than never meeting your father at all.
这看起来确实比根本没见过你父亲更好。
But when I ask Karen if she's ever considered using a yes donor, she looks down in her lap for a second and sighs a little before answering.
但当我问凯伦是否考虑过使用“是”的捐赠者时，她在腿上低头看了一会儿，叹了口气，然后才回答。
Then she shakes her head no.
然后她摇头说不。
When I made the decision to be a single mother, part of the challenge, part of what I knew I was giving to this kid that was something I was going to have to think deeply and confront again and again, was that I was bringing a kid into the world who is not going to know their father.
当我决定成为一名单亲母亲时，挑战的一部分，我知道我要给这个孩子的一部分，我必须深入思考并一次又一次面对的事情是，我将一个不会认识他们父亲的孩子带到这个世界上。
Period.
时期。
So the idea of someone who the kid could later contact, that wasn't appealing.
因此，让孩子以后可以联系的人的想法并不吸引人。
Because the message that I'm going to have for this kid is, this is our family.
因为我要向这个孩子传达的信息是，这是我们的家庭。
Our family consists of me and you and our village.
我们的家庭由我、你和我们的村庄组成。
You know, the people around us who love us.
你知道，我们周围爱我们的人。
There's somebody who's your father.
有一个人是你的父亲。
We'll never know who he is.
我们永远不会知道他是谁。
He made a decision to do something for a woman like me and we're really grateful about that, but he's not your dad.
他决定为像我这样的女人做点什么，我们对此非常感激，但他不是你的父亲。
And maybe that's something to grieve, something to be angry at me about.
也许这是值得悲伤的事情，是值得对我生气的事情。
But I had a vision of having enormous love to offer you and I knew that we could get through this.
但我有一个愿景，就是向你提供巨大的爱，我知道我们可以度过难关。
And that was always what I thought I would bring to being a single mom.
这一直是我认为我会为单身妈妈带来的东西。
So being able to hold out the promise to the kid that they can meet this person, it wasn't part of that.
因此，能够向孩子承诺他们可以见到这个人，这不是其中的一部分。
I couldn't imagine raising a kid to say, well, one day you'll meet your dad.
我无法想象抚养一个孩子说，好吧，有一天你会见到你的父亲。
Well, what if one day he meets his dad and he sucks?
好吧，如果有一天他遇到他爸爸并且他很糟糕怎么办？
Or he's changed his mind and he's rejectful.
或者他改变了主意并且拒绝了。
I don't want to raise a kid with a fantasy where it's going to be blown to bits.
我不想养育一个充满幻想的孩子，幻想会被炸成碎片。
The truth of the matter is, you know what?
事情的真相是，你知道吗？
You don't have a dad.
你没有爸爸。
You have a lot of other things.
你还有很多其他的事情。
I know from my conversations with other single moms by choice that the relationship between a mother and her donor changes over time.
从我与其他单亲妈妈的交谈中，我了解到，母亲和捐赠者之间的关系会随着时间的推移而发生变化。
And that even women resolutely indifferent to their donors during the selection process tend to soften after a child is born.
即使是在选择捐赠者的过程中坚决漠不关心的女性，在孩子出生后也会变得软化。
On the message boards, the new mothers talk of the quote "mysterious connection" they suddenly feel to their donors, and write things like, "If I could only send him pictures," or "I wish that he could see."
在留言板上，新妈妈们谈到了她们突然感受到的与捐赠者之间的“神秘联系”，并写下了诸如“如果我只能向他发送照片就好了”或“我希望他能看到”之类的话。
Meanwhile the men, the financially strapped college sophomores, the hopeful actors, the future doctors, continue their lives more or less oblivious.
与此同时，男人们，经济拮据的大学二年级学生，充满希望的演员，未来的医生，或多或少地继续着他们的生活。
They finish college and go on to graduate programs.
他们完成大学学业并继续攻读研究生课程。
They move from LA and switch to real estate.
他们从洛杉矶搬到房地产行业。
They become actual doctors and start their own practice without realizing that there are three, four, maybe five middle-aged women out there yearning to send them Polaroids of little Johnny's first tooth.
他们成为真正的医生并开始自己的行医，却没有意识到有三、四、也许五名中年妇女渴望寄给他们小约翰尼第一颗牙齿的宝丽来照片。
After talking to a number of these women, I think about that sometimes.
在与其中一些女性交谈后，我有时会想到这一点。
I think about lining up all the middle-aged women and all the 20-year-old men and letting them get a good look at one another.
我想把所有的中年女性和所有20岁的男性排成一排，让他们好好看看彼此。
I think about the kids and the mean tricks an imagination can play when there's no reality, only absence.
我想到了孩子们，以及在没有现实、只有缺席的情况下想象力所能发挥的卑鄙伎俩。
And then I think about Karen and I decide that she's right.
然后我想到凯伦，我认为她是对的。
That if I were a single mom I would say the same thing.
如果我是单亲妈妈，我也会说同样的话。
You don't have a dad.
你没有爸爸。
A father, but not a dad.
是父亲，却又不是父亲。
Your dad doesn't exist.
你爸爸不存在。
But sit and try to remember, my dear, you have a lot of other things.
但坐下来试着记住，亲爱的，你还有很多其他的事情。
Alix Spiegel in New York.
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔在纽约。
[MUSIC - "LIFE WITHOUT A FATHER" BY TRAVOLTA W., KEVIN G., AND KEITH L.]
[音乐 - TRAVOLTA W.、KEVIN G. 和 KEITH L. 创作的《没有父亲的生活》]
As Alix Spiegel pointed out, at some point, some moms get a very pointed desire to send photos and information about their kids to forever absent dads.
正如阿利克斯·斯皮格尔（Alix Spiegel）指出的那样，在某些时候，一些妈妈非常渴望将孩子的照片和信息发送给永远缺席的爸爸。
But exactly what information do they want the dads to know?
但他们到底想让爸爸们知道哪些信息呢？
And why, really, do they care if they know it?
为什么他们真的关心他们是否知道这一点？
Well, not long ago, this website devoted to publishing letters from a wide variety of people, a site called openletters.net, published a series of letters from a woman in Winnipeg, Manitoba, who called herself X.
嗯，不久前，这个专门发布来自各种各样的人的信件的网站，一个名为 openletters.net 的网站，发布了一系列来自马尼托巴省温尼伯市一位自称 X 的女士的信件。
That's the letter X.
那是字母X。
These were her dispatches to the father of her child.
这些是她给孩子父亲的信件。
This father was somewhere out there.
这位父亲就在外面的某个地方。
They detailed what the kid was doing these days.
他们详细描述了这孩子这些天在做什么。
She called the kid O.
她给孩子起名叫O。
His little sister was G.
他的妹妹是G。
X's significant other was C.
X 的另一半是 C。
Here are some excerpts from some of the letters.
以下是一些信件的摘录。
Dear Mike, he's 13 and 1/2, which you probably know, and things are happening.
亲爱的迈克，你可能知道，他已经 13 又 1/2 了，而且事情正在发生。
So first thing this morning, when his eyes opened and his sheet is, as always, inexplicably half off his bed, he grabs his CD remote control and pushes play and we hear Fat Boy Slim all over the house.
所以今天早上，当他睁开眼睛时，他的床单像往常一样莫名其妙地从床上掉了一半，他抓起 CD 遥控器并按下播放键，我们听到房子里到处都是 Fat Boy Slim 的声音。
Same house as always, only it's red and yellow now, not blue.
和以前一样的房子，只是现在是红色和黄色，而不是蓝色。
He comes downstairs all arms and legs and skinny.
他下楼时胳膊和腿都空着，骨瘦如柴。
He's tall, taller than me, in his Joe Boxer boxers and sits at the dining room table eating Honey Nut Cheerios and reading yesterday's comics.
他很高，比我高，穿着 Joe Boxer 平角内裤，坐在餐桌旁吃着蜂蜜坚果麦片，读着昨天的漫画。
He has the number 60 on his leg in black marker.
他的腿上用黑色记号笔写着60号。
That was his number yesterday at the provincial basketball tryouts, which he didn't make, due to lack of confidence, said the coach, though he's got the moves.
这是他昨天在省篮球选拔赛上的成绩，教练说，由于缺乏信心，他没有参加比赛，尽管他已经有了动作。
And next year he'll be older and ready.
明年他就会长大并做好准备。
It doesn't bug him.
这并不困扰他。
None of his friends made it this year.
今年他的朋友都没有成功。
And his school coach had told them they wouldn't, but that it would be a good experience.
他的学校教练告诉他们他们不会，但这将是一次很好的经历。
That's what he and his friend said to each other after the tryout.
这是他和他的朋友在试训后互相说的。
"Oh, yeah.
“哦，是的。
Excellent experience."
非常棒的体验。”
"Now that was a good experience."
“现在这是一次很好的经历。”
They're pretty funny.
他们很有趣。
He's got a choice this morning for lunch.
今天早上他有一个选择吃午餐。
Bagel and cream cheese, turkey sandwich, or peanut butter and banana sandwich.
百吉饼和奶油奶酪、火鸡三明治或花生酱和香蕉三明治。
He chooses peanut butter and banana.
他选择花生酱和香蕉。
He plays around with the dog for a while, tells G., his 10-year-old sister, who's getting ready for running club, that when he had running club, they ran in the rain because they were tougher back then.
他和狗玩了一会儿，告诉他 10 岁的妹妹 G.，她正准备参加跑步俱乐部，当他参加跑步俱乐部时，他们在雨中跑步，因为那时他们更坚强。
And then he checks out his reflection in the toaster oven and off he goes to catch his bus for school.
然后他检查了烤箱中自己的倒影，然后就去乘公共汽车去学校。
"Have a good day," I tell him.
“祝你有美好的一天，”我告诉他。
And he says, "You too." I can't call out to him after he's left the house with "I love you" or "Do you have your lunch?" This mortifies him.
他说：“你也是。”当他离开家后，我不能用“我爱你”或“你吃午饭了吗？”来喊他。这让他感到羞愧。
Later today he's got a different basketball practice for the regional team and he's going to miss his baseball game go to the basketball practice.
今天晚些时候，他为地区队进行了一次不同的篮球训练，他将错过棒球比赛去参加篮球训练。
His baseball team is called the Sabres and he pitches and catches.
他的棒球队叫军刀队，他负责投球和接球。
And he's a great pitcher with a wicked curve, although he prefers to catch.
他是一位出色的投手，虽然他更喜欢接球，但有着邪恶的弧线。
And if you could see him make the throw from home plate to second, you'd know how good he is.
如果你能看到他从本垒投向第二垒，你就会知道他有多出色。
Then I guess he'll come home and eat ice cream and chocolate sauce and watch some bad television.
然后我猜他会回家吃冰淇淋和巧克力酱，看一些糟糕的电视。
He loves the Comedy Channel, and Letterman, he loves Letterman too, and thinks it's cool that Letterman and Nolan Ryan and his grandma all had the same kind of heart surgery.
他喜欢喜剧频道和莱特曼，他也喜欢莱特曼，并且认为莱特曼、诺兰·瑞恩和他的奶奶都接受了同样的心脏手术，这很酷。
Maybe check out something on the net, like the phone number of that phone booth in the middle of the desert so he can call it some day.
也许可以在网上查一下，比如沙漠中间那个电话亭的电话号码，这样他有一天就可以打电话给它。
And then go to bed after some kidding around.
然后开玩笑之后就去睡觉了。
And he'll call out from his freshly painted green and charcoal bedroom, "Hey, whoever put my sheet back on, thanks."
他会在刚粉刷成绿色和炭色的卧室里喊道：“嘿，无论谁把我的床单放回去，谢谢。”
I know you want to know one thing, but I'm not going to tell you whether he talks about you or not, or what he even remembers.
我知道你想知道一件事，但我不会告诉你他是否谈论过你，或者他甚至记得什么。
I've tried to keep track of you through your brother, but I don't think he lives here anymore either.
我试图通过你的兄弟来追踪你，但我认为他也不再住在这里了。
Where do you live?
你住在哪里？
Japan, still, or what?
日本，还是什么？
Australia?
澳大利亚？
Like you'd tell me.
就像你告诉我的那样。
I'm not asking for money.
我不是要钱。
I'm not asking for anything.
我不要求任何东西。
I just want to tell you about your kid before there's no kid left and we're both 100 years old.
我只是想在我们都 100 岁之前告诉你关于你孩子的事。
It seems so stupid not to talk.
不说话似乎很愚蠢。
Keep a stiff upper lip.
保持上唇僵硬。
There are a million things I could tell you.
我可以告诉你一百万件事。
But you don't get to choose.
但你无权选择。
Signed, X.
签名，X.
Dear Mike, he's not here right now.
亲爱的迈克，他现在不在。
He's over at my mom's watching The Usual Suspects and recovering from the Cobra, which is a killer ride at this carnival we found today downtown next to the river.
他已经结束了，我妈妈正在看《非常嫌疑犯》，并从眼镜蛇中恢复过来，这是我们今天在市中心河边发现的这个嘉年华中的一次杀手之旅。
He can't handle those rides very well, but he agreed to go on the Cobra with his sister twice, which I thought was sweet.
他不能很好地处理这些游乐设施，但他同意和他的妹妹一起乘坐眼镜蛇两次，我认为这很甜蜜。
Afterwards, he lurched back to the van clutching his bottle of Coke and making fake barfing sounds and saying stuff like, "Anything for the kid." And "I just remember how no one would go with me on the Cobra when I was a--" barfing noise-- "kid." And more barfing.
随后，他摇摇晃晃地走回货车，手里抓着可乐瓶，假装呕吐的声音，还说着“给孩子什么都行”之类的话。 “我只记得当我还是个——”呕吐声——“孩子”的时候，没有人愿意和我一起乘坐眼镜蛇。还有更多的呕吐。
"I just couldn't do that to her," falling on the grass motionless.
“我就是不能这样对她，”一动不动地倒在草地上。
Really sweet because G.
真的很甜蜜，因为G.
giggled and said that when he was being nice to her he was the best brother in the world.
咯咯笑着说，当他对她好的时候，他是世界上最好的兄弟。
The other day he bought himself a hat that said Porn Star on it.
有一天，他给自己买了一顶帽子，上面写着“色情明星”。
And I was kind of upset about it and I asked him not to wear it.
我对此感到有点不安，并要求他不要戴它。
Then my sister and my mom also asked him not to wear it and he said, "Man, would you just all relax?"
然后我姐姐和我妈妈也要求他不要戴它，他说：“伙计，你能放松一下吗？”
"But, O.," I said, "Do you know what a porn star is?"
“但是，O.，”我说，“你知道色情明星是什么吗？”
"No, mom," he said.
“不，妈妈，”他说。
"What's a porn star?"
“什么是色情明星？”
And I said, "Well, OK, it's when a person becomes very good at--"
我说，“好吧，当一个人变得非常擅长——”
And he said, "Yes, mother.
他说：“是的，妈妈。
I know what a porn star is.
我知道什么是色情明星。
I was kidding.
我开玩笑的。
God." And then he told me it was a brand, just a brand.
天哪。”然后他告诉我这是一个品牌，只是一个品牌。
Or maybe he said a band.
或者也许他说的是乐队。
I can't remember.
我不记得了。
And I said, "Well, OK.
我说：“好吧，好吧。
I'm going to get a Porn Star hat for me, too.
我也要去买一顶色情明星帽子。
And one for Auntie M.
还有一张是给 M 阿姨的。
and one for Grandma.
还有一份给奶奶。
And we'll all wear them if it's just a brand."
如果它只是一个品牌，我们都会穿它们。”
"Fill your boots," he said, and stalked off.
“给你的靴子加油，”他说，然后大步走开。
So it was kind of a dilemma.
所以这是一个两难的境地。
Take his hat away or just let it go.
把他的帽子拿走或者直接放掉。
Or buy him a different one.
或者给他买一件不同的。
I suggested that, a different one, and he said, "Yeah, please get me the one with Paddington the Bear on it."
我建议换一张，他说：“好的，请给我买一张上面有帕丁顿熊的。”
So finally, my sister called and she said she'd give him $20 not to wear the Porn Star hat.
最后，我姐姐打电话给他，她说她愿意给他 20 美元，让他不要戴色情明星的帽子。
And he said he'd think about it.
他说他会考虑一下。
The next thing I know my sister's beaming and he's $20 richer.
接下来我知道我姐姐笑了，他也多了 20 美元。
How pathetic is that?
这是多么可悲啊？
What do you think you'd have done?
你认为你会做什么？
Have you ever heard of that brand in Uganda or Greenland or wherever you are?
您在乌干达或格陵兰岛或您所在的任何地方听说过该品牌吗？
Now when we see a kid with a Porn Star t-shirt or hat or bumper sticker, O.
现在，当我们看到一个孩子穿着色情明星 T 恤、帽子或保险杠贴纸时，O.
says to me, "Go get them, mom."
对我说：“妈妈，去拿它们。”
Today's my birthday and I'm drinking orange juice and champagne right now.
今天是我的生日，我现在正在喝橙汁和香槟。
He stayed up till 2:00 in the morning last night making me a mix tape of songs he knew I'd like-- stuff like Randy Newman and Paul Westerberg and Tom Waits, and the new Neil Young and even the Clash.
昨晚他熬夜到凌晨 2:00，给我制作了一盘他知道我喜欢的歌曲的混音带——比如兰迪·纽曼 (Randy Newman)、保罗·韦斯特伯格 (Paul Westerberg) 和汤姆·威茨 (Tom Waits)，还有新的尼尔·杨 (Neil Young)，甚至还有《冲突》(Clash)。
And it's so sweet because he actually had to listen to all these old guys while he made it, which was a form of torture for him.
这太甜蜜了，因为他在制作时实际上不得不听所有这些老家伙的声音，这对他来说是一种折磨。
So it means a lot.
所以这意义重大。
I'm listening to "Christmas Card" right now, Tom Waits.
我现在正在听“圣诞卡”，汤姆·威茨。
You remember.
你记得。
You do.
你做。
The strange thing is, I can't remember your birthday.
奇怪的是，我不记得你的生日。
We were together long enough to put together this funny, intense, shy kid who stays up late making compilation tapes for his old lady, but not long enough for me to remember the day you were born.
我们在一起的时间足够长，足以让这个有趣、热情、害羞的孩子为他的老太太熬夜制作合辑磁带，但时间不足以让我记住你出生的那一天。
Was it April something?
是四月吗？
So today I'm 36 and you get to stay 23 forever, in black faded Levi's and an SNFU t-shirt and Converse sneakers, smoking an Export A and cooking penny wieners in some [BLEEP] apartment kitchen with the Cramps playing and no furniture.
所以今天我已经 36 岁了，而你将永远保持 23 岁，穿着黑色褪色的 Levi's 和 SNFU T 恤和匡威运动鞋，抽着 Export A 烟，在一些 [BLEEP] 公寓厨房里煮便士香肠，放着抽筋乐，没有家具。
Soon I'll be old enough to be your mother.
很快我就长大了，可以成为你的母亲了。
Sometimes I do think I see you on the street.
有时我确实觉得我在街上看到了你。
And if I'm with O.
如果我和O在一起。
I sometimes look over at him and wonder if he thinks he sees you too.
有时我会看着他，想知道他是否也看到了你。
If he remembers much from when he was what?
如果他还记得他小时候的事？
Four or five and you went mini-golfing with him and then left forever.
四五个人一起去打迷你高尔夫球，然后就永远离开了。
And I want to ask him, but at the same time I don't want to ask him.
我想问他，但同时又不想问他。
You take up a lot of room for a guy who's not here.
对于一个不在这里的人来说，你占据了很多空间。
Later, mystery man.
后来，神秘人。
X.
X.
Dear Mike, you know I was thinking about this letter thing and it occurred to me that if you're ever going to respond, you'd need kind of an amnesty deal, like libraries have to return way overdue books.
亲爱的迈克，你知道我正在考虑这封信的事情，我突然想到，如果你要回复，你需要某种特赦协议，就像图书馆必须归还过期的书籍一样。
Which means you don't have to go over the last 10 years pointing out all the stuff that happened that made you leave and not maintain contact and all that.
这意味着你不必在过去的十年里指出所有发生的事情导致你离开并且不再保持联系等等。
Or blame yourself or seek redemption.
要么责备自己，要么寻求救赎。
We could just start again as of now.
我们现在就可以重新开始了。
Because if we have to dredge up all the old [BLEEP] just to get to a place where we can talk normally again or whatever, it may never happen.
因为如果我们必须挖出所有旧的[BLEEP]只是为了到达一个我们可以再次正常交谈的地方或其他什么，它可能永远不会发生。
Too overwhelming.
太压倒性了。
So if you want to leave the old [BLEEP] alone and just start now, that's OK.
因此，如果您想不理会旧的 [BLEEP]，现在就开始，那没问题。
That's perfect.
那很完美。
It's just a thought, if you're even out there.
如果你还在外面的话，这只是一个想法。
If you're even alive.
如果你还活着的话。
But here's a story of O.'s blossoming maturity.
但这里有一个 O. 成熟的故事。
He's playing baseball for the Sabres and he's pitching in the third inning.
他正在为军刀队打棒球，并在第三局投球。
He does well, three up, three down.
他表现很好，三上三下。
So next inning, two out.
所以下一局，两人出局。
He's up to bat and bam, he hits a home run.
他奋力击球，击出全垒打。
He's flying around the bases and makes it home and sits down on the bench while his teammates hit him on the back and high fives.
他在垒上飞来飞去，回到家并坐在板凳上，而他的队友们则拍打他的背并击掌。
All that.
所有这些。
But wait, something's up.
但是等等，有事发生。
The ump comes over, calls him out on second because apparently he didn't touch the base.
ump过来，在第二个位置叫他出局，因为显然他没有触垒。
So that's the third out, which means he goes to pitch immediately.
这是第三个出局的人，这意味着他立即上场。
He's looking OK.
他看起来不错。
Cool.
凉爽的。
But he's rattled.
但他很慌张。
Obviously, as he starts throwing wild balls all over.
显然，当他开始到处乱扔球时。
Except not over home plate.
除非超过本垒板。
His coach pulls him and puts him on third.
他的教练把他拉到了第三位。
New pitcher.
新投手。
So that's the thing, maturity.
所以这就是事情，成熟。
Not that he became rattled.
并不是说他变得慌乱了。
That's normal.
这很正常。
But that he tried not to show it.
但他试图不表现出来。
It was only evident in his pitching, not in his language, body language, that stuff.
这仅在他的投球中表现出来，而不是在他的语言、肢体语言等方面。
But his pitching couldn't hide it.
但他的投球并不能掩盖这一点。
That's what sports is all about in my mind, accepting the call and shaking it off.
这就是我心目中体育的意义所在，接受召唤并摆脱它。
At least outwardly.
至少在外表上是这样。
Last year he would have been swearing, probably, and throwing his glove on the ground.
去年他可能会咒骂，然后把手套扔在地上。
That sort of thing.
诸如此类的事情。
Not this year.
今年不行。
And then, on top of it all, at the end of the game, I went over to him and said, "Tough call.
然后，最重要的是，在比赛结束时，我走到他面前说：“艰难的决定。
I bet you did touch second." And he said, no, actually he hadn't.
我敢打赌你确实触到了第二个。”他说，不，实际上他没有。
He said the ump was right.
他说ump是对的。
Unbelievable.
难以置信。
That's your kid, you know.
那是你的孩子，你知道。
That's the story of O.'s blossoming maturity.
这就是O. 逐渐成熟的故事。
Got to go.
得走了。
X.
X.
Dear Mike, more really big news.
亲爱的迈克，还有更多重大新闻。
Last night O.'s school had its sports banquet and awards evening, which included dinner and dancing.
昨晚，O. 的学校举行了运动宴会和颁奖晚会，其中包括晚餐和舞蹈。
And O.
还有奥。
got three trophies, which were the Coach's Award for junior boys basketball, which basically means hardest working and most versatile.
获得了三个奖杯，这是少年篮球教练奖，这基本上意味着最努力和最多才多艺。
He's a wing like Vince Carter and Kobe Bryant are wings.
他是侧翼，就像文斯·卡特和科比·布莱恩特是侧翼一样。
MVP for junior boys volleyball.
少年男子排球MVP。
And get this, Male Athlete of the Year for grade eight.
得到这个，八年级年度最佳男运动员。
I can't even explain how wrong it is that you don't know this stuff.
我什至无法解释你不了解这些东西是多么错误。
Unless, of course, you're reading this letter.
当然，除非你正在读这封信。
Which you probably aren't.
而你可能不是。
Which makes me wonder why I bother with this exercise.
这让我想知道为什么我要费心做这个练习。
That's right, tell the void how much your son rocks.
没错，告诉虚空你的儿子有多摇滚。
C.
C.
Told him how proud he was of him and that he didn't have to do sports if he didn't want to, if he wasn't having fun.
告诉他他为他感到多么自豪，如果他不愿意，如果他不开心，他就不必参加运动。
And that if he quit all sports today, we'd still love him and still be proud of him.
如果他今天退出所有体育运动，我们仍然会爱他并为他感到骄傲。
And C.
和C.
told him how great it was that he was controlling his temper in the games when he lost, or after a bad call, or whatever.
告诉他，当他输掉比赛时，或者在一次糟糕的判罚之后，或者其他什么情况下，他在比赛中控制住自己的脾气是多么伟大。
And O.
还有奥。
said, "I'm just storing it up." And C.
说：“我只是把它存起来。”和C.
Said, "Oh, what are you going to do, explode on the court someday?" And O.
说：“哦，你打算怎么办，有一天在球场上爆炸？”还有奥。
said, "Oh, no. Way worse than that." And C.
说：“哦，不。比那更糟糕。”和C.
said, "Spit in the ump's face?" And O.
说：“往ump脸上吐口水？”还有奥。
said, "Oh, no. Way worse than that."
说：“哦，不。比那更糟糕。”
OK, he was joking, but it reminded me of when you said you used to lose your temper all the time.
好吧，他是在开玩笑，但这让我想起你说你以前总是发脾气。
And then around 12 or 13, after throwing a plate or a bottle of ketchup at your older sister who had taken your Ski-Doo suit or something, you just went, "OK, that's it.
然后在 12 点或 13 点左右，当你的姐姐拿走了你的滑雪服或其他什么东西时，你向姐姐扔了一盘或一瓶番茄酱后，你就说：“好吧，就这样了。
I'm not going to get mad anymore.
我不会再生气了。
It doesn't help me.
这对我没有帮助。
It makes it worse.
这会让情况变得更糟。
I get in trouble.
我遇到麻烦了。
I look like an idiot and it's stupid." And then, sure enough, I'm trying to think of one time you got mad and I can't.
我看起来像个白痴，这很愚蠢。”然后，果然，我努力回想有一次你生气了，但我却想不起来。
You never got mad.
你从来没有生气过。
Even when I was such a jerk and stuff was happening.
即使我是个混蛋，事情发生了。
You just put on music and cooked meat and smoked cigarettes and what?
你只是放音乐、煮肉、抽烟什么的？
Remember when I freaked out and drove myself to the hospital to have O.
还记得当我吓坏了，开车去医院看O的时候。
Because I thought you were too relaxed about the whole thing?
因为我觉得你对整件事太放松了？
And you ran all the way, all those miles of city blocks to the hospital and came in all sweating and red and purple.
你一路跑，跑了那么多英里的街区，来到了医院，满头大汗，脸色通红、发紫。
And I was already dilated and the nurse said you looked like John Lennon.
我已经扩张了，护士说你看起来像约翰·列侬。
And you said, "I'm here.
你说：“我在这里。
I'm here." And I said some asshole thing and you said, "Come on.
我在这儿。”我说了一些混蛋的话，你说：“来吧。
Look what's happening here.
看看这里发生了什么。
This is big.
这可大了。
Don't be mad now."
现在别生气。”
All right, that made a lot of sense.
好吧，这很有道理。
But Mike, it's still big.
但是迈克，它仍然很大。
He's still here, still happening.
他还在这里，还在发生。
So don't you be mad now.
所以你现在别生气。
See, I'm trying to learn more about O.
看，我正在努力了解更多有关 O 的信息。
by remembering what I can of you.
通过记住我所能记住的你。
It's a little uncanny sometimes how some things are really similar, like this anger thing.
有时有些事情真的很相似，就像愤怒的事情，这有点不可思议。
Just out of the blue the kid stopped losing his temper at the same age you decided to stop losing your temper.
出乎意料的是，在你决定停止发脾气的同一年龄，这个孩子不再发脾气了。
So where does it go when you stop losing it?
那么当你不再失去它时，它会去哪里呢？
It would be so cool if you could get back to me, really.
如果你能回到我身边那就太好了，真的。
I mean, not me.
我的意思是，不是我。
Him.
他。
Or me first.
还是我先。
Or whatever.
或者无论如何。
Not for some romantic thing.
不是为了一些浪漫的事情。
Don't get the wrong idea.
不要误解。
C.
C.
and me are great, and you're probably married with other athletic kids.
我很棒，你可能已经和其他运动型的孩子结婚了。
Sometimes I wonder if you just decided that it would be best if you slipped away forever, best for O.
有时我想知道你是否只是决定永远溜走是最好的，对O来说最好。
and me and that you really, really believed that.
还有我，你真的真的相信这一点。
Remember when I stood on the sidewalk in front of my house with O.
记得当我和 O 一起站在我家门前的人行道上时。
on my hip?
在我的臀部？
He was about two years old and I screamed my stupid head off at you while you walked away without saying a word.
他当时大约两岁，我对着你大喊大叫，而你却一言不发地走开了。
Maybe you were thinking, "This is nuts.
也许你在想：“这太疯狂了。
This poor kid.
这个可怜的孩子。
I've got to go." That would've made sense at the time, right?
我得走了。”这在当时是有道理的，对吧？
But you know, I've calmed down since then.
但你知道，从那以后我就平静下来了。
Even though I was a lot older than 13 when I figured out that losing my temper wasn't getting me anywhere.
尽管我已经比 13 岁大很多了，但当我发现发脾气不会给我带来任何好处时。
X in Winnipeg.
X在温尼伯。
Dear Mike, well, summer's almost over and as usual, odd things have been happening.
亲爱的迈克，嗯，夏天快结束了，和往常一样，奇怪的事情发生了。
This is the latest.
这是最新的。
Your dad called here, right out of the blue.
你爸爸突然打电话过来。
Haven't seen or talked to him since O.
自从O之后就没有见过他，也没有和他说过话。
was an infant and you and I took that road trip when you barfed in the hotel bathtub.
当你还是个婴儿的时候，你和我就开始了那次公路旅行，当时你在酒店的浴缸里呕吐了。
And he told us that he lived in Australia now, but he was in town and would really like to see O.
他告诉我们，他现在住在澳大利亚，但他在城里，真的很想见见 O。
if O.
如果O。
would like to see him.
想见他。
O.
奥。
said no. Not because he didn't want to see him really, but because he just didn't know why or what purpose it would serve.
说不。并不是因为他真的不想见到他，而是因为他只是不知道为什么或者这样做有什么目的。
And your dad totally understood and said if O.
你爸爸完全理解并说如果O.
ever changes his mind, he'd be glad.
只要他改变主意，他就会很高兴。
He'd wait.
他会等待。
I asked him if you were happy, and he said, yes, very.
我问他你幸福吗，他说，幸福，非常幸福。
That you live in Tokyo.
你住在东京。
That you're a very successful chef, an executive chef, he said.
“你是一位非常成功的厨师，一位行政总厨，”他说。
In a hotel with 550 rooms.
拥有550间客房的酒店内。
And that you're married to a wonderful Japanese woman and that you have a beautiful three-year-old daughter.
你娶了一位出色的日本女人，还有一个漂亮的三岁女儿。
And that you'd probably never leave Tokyo.
而且你可能永远不会离开东京。
He said he'd send O.
他说他会派O去。
a picture of you and your wife and your daughter.
您和您的妻子和女儿的照片。
He called her O.'s sister.
他称她为O.的妹妹。
He also said you were a lot like him, a wanderer, a bit of a loner, and that you often went off by yourself for stretches of time and didn't talk about it much.
他还说你很像他，一个流浪者，有点独来独往，经常一个人出去走走，也不怎么说话。
But he sounded very proud of you.
但他听起来很为你感到骄傲。
Very protective.
非常具有保护性。
As though he was worried I'd slag you to bits or something.
好像他担心我会把你打成碎片什么的。
And of course, I wouldn't do that.
当然，我不会那样做。
Like O.
像奥。
says, what's the point?
说，有什么意义？
You're lucky, Mike, to have a father standing up for you.
迈克，你很幸运，有一个支持你的父亲。
Have you introduced your famous penny wieners to the Japanese?
您有向日本人介绍过著名的便士香肠吗？
Sayonara, X.
再见，X.
Since posting those letters on the internet, X.
自从在互联网上发布这些信件后，X.
has identified herself as Miriam Toews.
自称 Miriam Toews。
She has a book coming out in the fall in the United States called Swing Low, A Life.
她有一本书将于秋季在美国出版，名为《Swing Low, A Life》。
Her letters were read for us by Alexa Junge.
亚历克斯·荣格（Alexa Junge）为我们朗读了她的信。
Read X.'s other letters at openletters.net.
请访问 openletters.net 阅读 X. 的其他信件。
Coming up, suburban child wants unhappy childhood.
未来，郊区的孩子想要不快乐的童年。
Adopting couple tries to reunite biological mom and baby.
收养夫妇试图让亲生母亲和婴儿团聚。
What is this country coming to?
这个国家将走向何方？
In a minute from Public Radio International when our program continues.
国际公共广播电台一分钟后我们的节目仍在继续。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today, Stories from the Missing Parents Bureau.
今天，来自失踪父母局的故事。
We have arrived at case three.
我们已经到了案例三。
Case Three, I'm an Orphan; Don't Tell My Mom.
案例三，我是一个孤儿；别告诉我妈妈。
This is a story about wanting parents to be gone from the scene.
这是一个关于希望父母离开现场的故事。
It begins in the 1980s when Starlee Kine, who was 11 years old, decided, among other things, that she wanted to be a child star.
故事始于 20 世纪 80 年代，当时 11 岁的斯塔莉·凯恩 (Starlee Kine) 决定要成为一名童星。
With her parents' generous help, she attended a series of classes run by a man named Kevin McDermott.
在父母的慷慨帮助下，她参加了凯文·麦克德莫特开办的一系列课程。
Kevin was regarded as one of the best child acting coaches in the business.
凯文被认为是业内最好的儿童表演教练之一。
Starlee picks up the story.
斯塔莉继续讲述这个故事。
By far, the strangest acting exercise I've ever heard of or participated in is one we did in his class called character group therapy.
到目前为止，我听过或参加过的最奇怪的表演练习是我们在他的课上做的一个叫做角色团体治疗的练习。
We were instructed to make up a character, the only guideline being that they had to be troubled in some way.
我们被指示要塑造一个角色，唯一的指导方针是他们必须在某种程度上受到困扰。
We were given six weeks to develop.
我们有六周的时间来开发。
At the end of which, an actual certified psychologist came into the class and psychoanalyzed our characters during a group therapy session.
最后，一位真正获得认证的心理学家走进课堂，在团体治疗过程中对我们的性格进行了心理分析。
I chose to be an orphan.
我选择当孤儿。
My character had been abandoned by her parents as a little child.
我的角色在很小的时候就被她的父母抛弃了。
I don't remember her name, but it was something androgynous, like Sam.
我不记得她的名字了，但她是雌雄同体的，就像萨姆一样。
I'd lived on the street briefly, but for the most part I'd been tossed from one foster home to another.
我在街上住过一段时间，但大部分时间我都被从一个寄养家庭扔到另一个寄养家庭。
I was terribly suspicious of adults.
我对成年人非常怀疑。
There was a family that wanted to adopt me and I secretly hoped they would, but was too tough to admit it.
有一个家庭想要收养我，我暗自希望他们会收养我，但又很难承认。
The only one I truly trusted was my dog, who I'd found in a gutter or something when he was just a puppy.
我唯一真正信任的就是我的狗，当它还是一只小狗的时候，我在阴沟之类的地方发现了它。
To the best of my memory, nearly all my fellow classmates picked orphans as well.
据我所知，几乎所有同学也都挑选了孤儿。
They had similar back stories filled with uncannily familiar details.
他们有相似的背景故事，充满了异常熟悉的细节。
I tracked some of these people down, but they remember even less than I do.
我追踪到了其中一些人，但他们的记忆力比我还要少。
Probably because afterwards they actually went on to play these characters professionally.
可能是因为后来他们实际上继续专业地扮演这些角色。
All of my classmates were working actors in some capacity or other.
我所有的同学都以某种身份从事演员工作。
You'd see them as you flipped through the channels, playing comatose children on St. Elsewhere , or Ricky Schroder's first kiss on Silver Spoons .
当你翻阅频道时，你会看到他们，在《圣别处》中扮演昏迷的孩子，或者在《银汤匙》中扮演瑞奇·施罗德的初吻。
Or the young version of an older, more established actor on a sitcom special flashback episode.
或者是情景喜剧特别闪回剧集中年长、更成熟的演员的年轻版本。
In my entire aspiring career, I didn't land a single role.
在我整个有抱负的职业生涯中，我没有获得任何角色。
No commercials, no pilots, no features.
没有广告，没有试播集，没有专题片。
Nothing.
没有什么。
It's the kind of record that sticks with a person, permanently labeling them, like alcoholism.
这种记录会永远伴随着一个人，给他们贴上永久的标签，就像酗酒一样。
I will forever be a failed child star.
我永远是一个失败的童星。
Kevin still teaches, his reputation as solid as ever.
凯文仍在任教，他的声誉一如既往。
And I visited his current class to see if they were still pretending to be orphans.
我还参观了他现在的班级，看看他们是否还在假装孤儿。
OK, Grady, let us see an expression that shows teeth and mouth open.
好的，格雷迪，让我们看一下张开牙齿和嘴巴的表情。
The class is in a different location from when I was a student, but some things are the same-- the metal folding chairs, the special spotlight that Kevin uses to cue scenes.
课堂的地点与我学生时代不同，但有些东西是一样的——金属折叠椅、凯文用来提示场景的特殊聚光灯。
The walls in the waiting room are still plastered with children's head shots, including an autographed photo of Marc Price.
候诊室的墙上仍然贴满了孩子们的头像，其中包括马克·普莱斯的亲笔签名照片。
Marc Price played the neighbor Skippy on Family Ties.
马克·普莱斯 (Marc Price) 在《家庭关系》中扮演邻居斯基皮 (Skippy)。
He was in love with Mallory.
他爱上了马洛里。
The picture was up when I was in the class and it was always a source of pride to me, that Skippy and I had the same acting teacher.
当我在课堂上时，这张照片就出现了，这一直是我的骄傲，我和斯基皮有同一个表演老师。
Mid series, a back story was added to Skippy's character.
在系列中期，斯基皮的角色添加了一个背景故事。
Skippy discovered he was adopted as a baby.
斯基皮发现自己在婴儿时期就被收养了。
I point the picture out to the class and they smile politely.
我把照片指给全班同学看，他们礼貌地微笑。
It turns out they've never heard of Family Ties.
事实证明他们从未听说过“家庭纽带”。
Kevin still does character group therapy, but now he plays the therapist himself.
凯文仍然进行角色团体治疗，但现在他自己扮演治疗师。
It begins the same way it always has.
它以一如既往的方式开始。
The kids sit in a circle, they do a muscle relaxation exercise, and then Kevin counts them down into it, like he's hypnotizing them.
孩子们围成一圈，进行肌肉放松练习，然后凯文给他们倒数，就像他在催眠他们一样。
Three, you're in the peer group counseling session.
第三，你正在参加同伴小组咨询会议。
Two, you are this character.
二、你就是这个角色。
One, welcome.
一、欢迎。
Some of you are new.
你们中有些人是新来的。
Some of you started last week in our first group.
你们中的一些人上周开始加入我们的第一组。
I'm Dr. Roberts, for those of you who are new tonight.
对于今晚刚认识的各位，我是罗伯茨博士。
And I'd like to go around the room and I'd like everyone to tell us their first name and anything about themselves, or why they're here, that they would like to share.
我想在房间里走一圈，我希望每个人都告诉我们他们的名字以及他们想要分享的有关他们自己的任何信息，或者他们为什么在这里。
There's a stunning absence of orphans.
孤儿的缺失令人震惊。
In their place is a potpourri of trendy WB-style back stories and scandalous hour-long drama side plots.
取而代之的是流行的华纳兄弟风格的背景故事和长达一小时的丑闻戏剧支线情节的大杂烩。
One boy impregnated his high school girlfriend and is full of despair over the possibility of her getting an abortion.
一名男孩让他的高中女友怀孕了，他对她堕胎的可能性充满了绝望。
There's a girl in an abusive relationship.
有一个女孩处于虐待关系中。
Another boy cuts up his arms after his father becomes an alcoholic.
另一个男孩在父亲酗酒后割断了双臂。
One of the characters saw her boyfriend get killed in a drive-by shooting, an idea the actress got from an audition for The Practice she'd gone on right before class.
其中一个角色看到她的男朋友在一场驾车枪击中被杀，这是这位女演员在课前参加《练习》试镜时得到的想法。
The only kid whose back story is remotely orphan-like is played by a boy named Robert [?
唯一一个背景故事有点像孤儿的孩子是由一个名叫罗伯特的男孩扮演的[？
Negron.
内格龙。
?]
？]
He doesn't cry.
他没有哭。
He doesn't even like talking about his feelings.
他甚至不喜欢谈论他的感受。
He could care less about the other kids' problems.
他不太关心其他孩子的问题。
I'm kind of over it to tell you the truth.
我有点想告诉你真相了。
OK.
好的。
Robert If my car breaks down, I don't form a club with other people whose cars are broken down.
罗伯特：如果我的车坏了，我不会与其他汽车坏了的人组成俱乐部。
I go to someone whose car is running, for god's sakes.
我去找一个车开着的人，天哪。
Jesus.
耶稣。
These kids don't understand what being a real fake orphan is all about.
这些孩子不明白真正的假孤儿是什么意思。
Back in the day, orphans were strictly of the Punky Brewster, Webster variety-- sincere, saccharine, cloying.
过去，孤儿是严格意义上的朋克布鲁斯特、韦伯斯特类型——真诚、甜腻、令人腻味。
In my class, just as one kid finished sobbing his eyes out, another would start, and rightly so.
在我的课堂上，当一个孩子哭完时，另一个孩子就会开始哭泣，这是理所当然的。
Now there seems to be a trend of more realistic, less damp performances.
现在似乎有一种趋势是更真实、更少潮湿的表演。
In places of sap, the kids seem to challenge their depression into snappy, teenage angst, opting to come across deep instead of sniveling.
在闷闷不乐的地方，孩子们似乎将抑郁症转化为青春期的急躁焦虑，选择深情地表达而不是哭泣。
Jeremy, what makes you feel sadness in your life?
杰里米，生活中什么让你感到悲伤？
Sadness.
悲伤。
Sadness usually comes from waking up in the morning.
悲伤通常来自早晨醒来。
Why is that a sad time?
为什么那是一个悲伤的时刻？
Jeremy I don't know.
杰里米 我不知道。
I guess the show goes on.
我想演出还会继续。
What show goes on?
上演什么节目？
Jeremy You know, the show.
杰里米 你知道，这个节目。
The show we have to show people.
我们必须向人们展示我们的表演。
By the end of the class it was clear.
到课程结束时一切就清楚了。
We all chose to be orphans because at the time, they were the norm, the given.
我们都选择成为孤儿，因为在当时，他们是常态，是理所当然的。
Arnold, Willis, Fonzie, Ponyboy, Annie-- orphans dominated both the big and small screen.
阿诺德、威利斯、方齐、小马男孩、安妮——孤儿们主宰了大银幕和小银幕。
They were even recruited to breathe new life into the classics.
他们甚至被招募来为经典注入新的生命。
When a show's ratings would drop, one of two things most likely happened.
当节目收视率下降时，最有可能发生以下两种情况之一。
A baby was born or an orphan was discovered sleeping in the hall or shoplifting from the store.
婴儿出生，孤儿被发现睡在大厅里，或者在商店里行窃。
Soon after, the orphan became a permanent member of the cast.
不久之后，孤儿就成为了剧组的永久成员。
We picked orphans in response to market pressures, just like Kevin's students today.
我们挑选孤儿是为了应对市场压力，就像今天凯文的学生一样。
No, that's OK.
不，没关系。
You seem to have kind of an attitude, Johnny.
你似乎有一种态度，约翰尼。
That was Scott [?
那是斯科特[？
Newson.
纽森.
?] He tells me he's been watching a lot of The Sopranos lately.
？] 他告诉我他最近看了很多《黑道家族》。
But he says the name Johnny Calzone just popped into his head.
但他说约翰尼·卡尔佐尼这个名字刚刚出现在他的脑海中。
Tell us a little bit about why you're here.
告诉我们一些你来这里的原因。
Having said all that, I do think there's a personal element to choosing these characters.
话虽如此，我确实认为选择这些角色有个人因素。
For the most part, these kids are from upper-middle-class families that are pretty supportive.
大多数情况下，这些孩子来自中上阶层家庭，他们非常支持他们。
Playing these parts, they aren't rebelling against their families as much as fantasizing about what life is like on the other side.
在扮演这些角色时，他们并没有反抗自己的家庭，而是幻想着另一边的生活。
In my case, I chose to be an orphan partly because I came from the kind of home where if my sister and I wanted to visit our friends who live directly across the street, instead of letting us just walk across, my mom would put us in the car, back the car out of our driveway across a deserted, residential street, and up into their driveway to eliminate all chance of us getting killed in a hit and run.
就我而言，我选择成为孤儿的部分原因是，我来自这样一种家庭，如果我和姐姐想去拜访住在街对面的朋友，我妈妈不会让我们步行过去，而是把我们放进车里，把车从车道上倒出来，穿过一条废弃的住宅区街道，然后开进他们的车道，以消除我们在肇事逃逸中丧生的所有可能性。
The orphan's life, though was all about freedom.
然而，孤儿的生活就是自由。
Orphans didn't have to answer to anyone.
孤儿不必对任何人负责。
Didn't have a well-intentioned but irrational adult in charge of their every move.
没有一个善意但不理智的成年人来控制他们的一举一动。
They had their smarts, they had their sidekick pet, they had their broken locket, and they had themselves.
他们有他们的聪明才智，他们有他们的伙伴宠物，他们有他们破碎的挂坠盒，他们也有他们自己。
That was it.
就是这样。
During my years in Kevin's class, a rope ladder made of tied-together bed sheets permanently hung from my suburban ranch house's second-story window for when I would have to sneak out in the middle of the night in search of my real parents.
在我在凯文的课堂上的那些年里，一个用床单绑在一起制成的绳梯永久地挂在我郊区牧场房屋的二楼窗户上，以便我不得不在半夜溜出去寻找我真正的父母。
That was my favorite game.
那是我最喜欢的游戏。
Character group therapy was just as good.
性格团体治疗也同样好。
Being in Kevin's class, it sometimes wasn't clear whether I was aspiring to be a child star orphan or an actual orphan.
在凯文的班上，有时不清楚我是否渴望成为一名童星孤儿，还是一个真正的孤儿。
Starlee Kine is one of the producers of our program.
Starlee Kine 是我们节目的制作人之一。
Case Four, Runaway Mom.
案例四，离家出走的妈妈。
Three years ago, Dan Savage and his boyfriend, Terry, adopted a baby.
三年前，丹·萨维奇和他的男朋友特里收养了一个婴儿。
It was an open adoption, the kind where the birth parents choose the adoptive parents, and then stay in touch after handing over the child.
这是一种公开收养，即亲生父母选择收养父母，然后在交出孩子后保持联系。
But things have not been working out according to plan.
但事情并没有按计划进行。
We decided to go ahead and try for an open adoption because we wanted our kid's biological parents to be a part of his life.
我们决定继续尝试公开收养，因为我们希望孩子的亲生父母成为他生活的一部分。
We did this even though our agency warned us that we might be in for a long wait.
尽管我们的机构警告我们可能要等待很长时间，但我们还是这样做了。
The birth mothers who spoke at a two-day seminar we attended both said that finding good Christian homes for their babies was their first concern.
在我们参加的为期两天的研讨会上发言的生母们都表示，为她们的孩子找到良好的基督教家庭是她们首先关心的问题。
Birth control wasn't a concern for them, apparently.
显然，节育并不是他们关心的问题。
As it turns out, we didn't have to wait long for a birth mother to come along who believed being born once was enough.
事实证明，我们没等多久就有一位相信出生一次就足够了的亲生母亲出现。
A few weeks after our paperwork was done, we got a call from the agency.
文书工作完成几周后，我们接到了该机构的电话。
A 19-year-old street kid named Melissa, homeless by choice and seven months pregnant by accident, had selected my boyfriend and I from our adoption agency's pool of pre-screened parent wannabes.
一个名叫梅丽莎的 19 岁流浪儿童，自愿无家可归，并且意外怀孕七个月，从我们收养机构预先筛选的想要成为父母的人中选择了我和我的男朋友。
The day we met Melissa, the agency suggested that all three of us go out for lunch to get to know each other.
我们见到梅丽莎的那天，经纪公司建议我们三个出去吃午饭，以相互了解。
We were bursting with touchy-feely questions, which we soon realized was a problem.
我们充满了敏感的问题，但我们很快意识到这是一个问题。
Stoic and wary, Melissa was only interested in the facts.
梅丽莎坚忍而谨慎，只对事实感兴趣。
She was pregnant.
她怀孕了。
She couldn't have a baby on the streets.
她不能在街上生孩子。
And so she was doing an adoption.
所以她正在进行收养。
We were with Melissa when DJ was born and we were in her hospital room two days later when it was time for her to give him up.
DJ 出生时我们和梅丽莎在一起，两天后我们在她的病房里，当时她是时候放弃他了。
Before we could take DJ home, we had to take him out of his mother's arms as she sat sobbing in her bed.
在我们带 DJ 回家之前，我们必须把他从他母亲的怀里抱出来，当时她坐在床上抽泣。
It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
这是我一生中做过的最艰难的事情。
I was 33 years old when we adopted DJ and I thought I knew what a broken heart was.
当我们收养 DJ 时，我已经 33 岁了，我想我知道什么是破碎的心。
I thought mine had been broken a couple of times.
我以为我的已经坏了好几次了。
I thought I knew how a broken heart felt and what it looked like.
我以为我知道一颗破碎的心的感觉和样子。
I didn't know anything.
我什么都不知道。
You know what a broken heart looks like?
你知道破碎的心是什么样子吗？
Like a sobbing teenager in a hospital bed giving a two-day-old infant she knows she can't take care of to a couple she hopes can.
就像一个在医院病床上哭泣的青少年正在照顾一个出生两天的婴儿，她知道自己无法照顾一对她希望能够照顾的夫妇。
There was nothing remotely uplifting about the moment.
这一刻没有任何令人振奋的事情。
She didn't smile bravely through her tears and say, take good care of my baby.
她没有含着泪勇敢地微笑着说，好好照顾我的孩子。
She folded up and sobbed and we stood there, feeling like monsters.
她蜷缩起来哭泣，我们站在那里，感觉像怪物一样。
We didn't meet Bacchus, our son's birth father, until almost a year after we'd adopted DJ.
直到我们收养 DJ 一年后，我们才见到了儿子的生父巴克斯 (Bacchus)。
He was homeless, too, and Bacchus was his street name.
他也无家可归，巴克斯是他的街道名称。
Melissa hooked up with him for a few weeks one summer and by the time she realized she was pregnant, the God of Wine was gone.
有一年夏天，梅丽莎和他交往了几个星期，当她意识到自己怀孕时，酒神已经走了。
When we adopted DJ, Bacchus didn't know he was a father, or that his son had been adopted by a gay couple.
当我们收养 DJ 时，巴克斯并不知道他是一名父亲，也不知道他的儿子被一对同性恋夫妇收养。
So we were tense when Bacchus surfaced in New Orleans shortly before DJ's first birthday.
因此，当巴克斯 (Bacchus) 在 DJ 一岁生日前不久出现在新奥尔良时，我们感到很紧张。
But all Bacchus wanted was what Melissa was getting-- pictures, regular visits, phone calls.
但巴克斯想要的只是梅丽莎得到的——照片、定期拜访、电话。
Bacchus turned out to be Melissa's opposite, smiling easily and quick to laugh.
巴克斯果然和梅丽莎相反，笑容轻松，笑得很快。
Like most homeless street kids, Melissa works a circuit-- Portland and Seattle in the spring and early summer, Denver, Minneapolis, Chicago, and New York in the late summer, early fall, New Orleans, Phoenix, Las Vegas in the winter.
和大多数无家可归的流浪儿童一样，梅丽莎巡回工作——春季和初夏的波特兰和西雅图，夏末的丹佛、明尼阿波利斯、芝加哥和纽约，初秋的新奥尔良、凤凰城和拉斯维加斯。
Then it's back up to Portland.
然后返回波特兰。
When Melissa's in Seattle during the summer we all get together in a park where she hangs out with her friends, so that she can visit with DJ and show him off.
当梅丽莎夏天在西雅图时，我们都会在一个公园里聚会，她和她的朋友们一起出去玩，这样她就可以拜访 DJ 并向他炫耀。
She keeps in touch by phone the rest of the year, but her calls are usually pretty short.
一年中剩下的时间她都会通过电话保持联系，但她的电话通常很短。
She asks how we're doing.
她问我们怎么样。
We ask how she's doing.
我们问她怎么样。
Then we put DJ on the phone.
然后我们让 DJ 接电话。
The last time Melissa called, she didn't ask for DJ.
上次梅丽莎打电话时，她没有询问 DJ。
Her boyfriend, she told me, died the night before of alcohol poisoning.
她告诉我，她的男朋友前一天晚上死于酒精中毒。
They were sleeping on a sidewalk, he was lying beside her, and when she woke up, he was dead.
他们睡在人行道上，他躺在她身边，当她醒来时，他已经死了。
That call came in early November and we haven't heard from Melissa since.
那通电话是 11 月初打来的，从那以后我们就没有收到梅丽莎的消息了。
Three months ago, I started calling hospitals, then morgues.
三个月前，我开始打电话给医院，然后是太平间。
When the clerk at the county morgue in New Orleans asked me to describe Melissa, without thinking, I started to say, well, she's kind of quiet.
当新奥尔良县太平间的职员让我描述一下梅丽莎时，我不假思索地开始说，嗯，她有点安静。
The morgue attendant laughed and told me that all his Jane Does fit that description.
太平间服务员笑着告诉我，他的所有简都符合这个描述。
Then just as suddenly, Bacchus stopped calling.
然后，同样突然，巴克斯不再打电话了。
Soon, Bacchus's stepmother, who would be DJ's biological step-grandmother, was calling us, too, asking if we knew where Bacchus was.
很快，巴克斯的继母，也就是 DJ 的亲生继祖母，也打电话给我们，问我们是否知道巴克斯在哪里。
He drifted from New Orleans to Vermont to Texas, she told us, and then disappeared.
她告诉我们，他从新奥尔良漂流到佛蒙特州，再到德克萨斯州，然后就消失了。
We haven't heard from Melissa for six months.
我们已经六个月没有收到梅丽莎的消息了。
Bacchus has been missing for four months now.
巴克斯已经失踪四个月了。
DJ's birthday came and went, and nothing.
DJ的生日来了又去，却什么也没有。
No calls.
没有来电。
Last Sunday I was tearing down the wallpaper in my office at home when DJ walked in.
上周日，当 DJ 走进来时，我正在家里撕掉办公室的壁纸。
His best friend, a little boy named Haven, had spent the night.
他最好的朋友，一个名叫海文的小男孩，在这儿过夜。
After Haven's mother picked him up, DJ dragged a stool into my office and sat down to watch me pull wallpaper down in long strips.
Haven 的妈妈接他后，DJ 拖着一张凳子走进我的办公室，坐下来看着我把长条状的壁纸拉下来。
"Have has a mommy," DJ suddenly said.
“有妈妈了。”DJ突然说道。
"And I have a mommy." DJ's going through this thing where he likes to make statements of fact and have us confirm them for him.
“而且我有一个妈妈。” DJ 正在经历这样的事情，他喜欢陈述事实并让我们为他确认。
It's as if he's testing himself, making sure his reality jives with ours.
就好像他在测试自己，确保他的现实与我们的相符。
"That's right," I responded.
“没错，”我回答道。
"You have a money too, just like Haven."
“你也有钱，就像Haven一样。”
He went on.
他继续说下去。
"My mommy's name is Melissa.
“我妈妈的名字是梅丽莎。
I came out of Melissa's tummy.
我是从梅丽莎的肚子里出来的。
I play with my mommy in the park."
我和妈妈在公园里玩。”
Then DJ looked at me and asked a question.
然后DJ看着我问了一个问题。
"When will I see my mommy again?"
“我什么时候才能再见到妈妈呢？”
"This summer," I said, hoping it wasn't a lie.
“今年夏天，”我说道，希望这不是谎言。
"We'll see Melissa in the park this summer, just like last summer."
“今年夏天我们会在公园见到梅丽莎，就像去年夏天一样。”
I'm not sure what we'll tell DJ if Melissa really has disappeared forever.
我不确定如果梅丽莎真的永远消失了，我们会告诉 DJ 什么。
What if he asks why his mother didn't love him enough to stick around for him?
如果他问为什么他的母亲不够爱他，不能留在他身边怎么办？
Maybe we'll tell him that some people self-destruct, and maybe Melissa knew she was going to self-destruct and loved him so much that she wanted to make sure he was someplace he wouldn't get hurt.
也许我们会告诉他，有些人会自毁，也许梅丽莎知道她会自毁，并且非常爱他，所以她想确保他在一个不会受伤的地方。
And maybe this answer will be good enough for DJ.
也许这个答案对于 DJ 来说已经足够好了。
And maybe it won't.
也许不会。
One of the things my boyfriend brought to our relationship was a video camera.
我男朋友给我们的关系带来的东西之一是一台摄像机。
I didn't let him bring it to the hospital with us that day, though.
不过那天我没有让他把它带到医院。
I didn't want a video camera in the room.
我不想房间里有摄像机。
I wanted to experience those moments, DJ's first moments, in real time, not sitting in front of a TV months later.
我想实时体验这些时刻，即 DJ 的最初时刻，而不是几个月后坐在电视机前。
Maybe I was being selfish.
也许我很自私。
If Melissa has disappeared forever, well, I deeply regret that we don't have any videotape of DJ with his mother.
如果梅丽莎永远消失了，那么，我深感遗憾的是，我们没有任何 DJ 和他母亲的录像带。
If he could see her the way we saw her, holding him, feeding him, softly singing to him in her hospital bed the night he was born, he would know what I know, that his mother loved him very much.
如果他能以我们看到她的方式看到她，在他出生的那天晚上，抱着他、喂他、在医院的病床上轻声地给他唱歌，他就会知道我所知道的，他的母亲非常爱他。
Dan Savage is the author of The Kid: (What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant).
丹·萨维奇（Dan Savage）是《孩子：（我和男朋友决定怀孕后发生了什么》）的作者。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
Alix Spiegel's story was produced with funding from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.
阿利克斯·斯皮格尔的故事是在公共广播公司的资助下制作的。
The rap song after her story was written by Travolta W.
她的故事之后的说唱歌曲是由 Travolta W.
and performed by him, Kevin G.
由他演奏，Kevin G.
and Keith L.
和基思·L.
They are juvenile offenders at Chicago's Audi Home Detention Center as part of a show put on behind bars by Chicago's Music Theatre Workshop.
他们是芝加哥奥迪家庭拘留中心的少年犯，这是芝加哥音乐剧院工作室在酒吧内举办的表演的一部分。
WBEZ management oversight for our show by Torey Malatia.
Torey Malatia 对我们的演出进行 WBEZ 管理监督。
He'd prefer it if our show instructed people how to--
如果我们的节目指导人们如何——
Help transform the moon for human habitation and create some kind of food supply that will replace meat.
帮助改造月球以供人类居住，并创造某种替代肉类的食物供应。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。