152: Crush - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #152 | February 11, 2000 152: Crush Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 152 集 | 2000 年 2 月 11 日 152：Crush 注：《This American Life》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass From WBEZ Chicago and Public Radio International, it's This American Life .
序言 来自 WBEZ 芝加哥和国际公共广播电台的 Ira Glass，这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
My name is Marlene.
我叫玛琳。
I'm a senior at Lakeview High School, and I've had a crush on this one guy for four years.
我是湖景高中的一名高年级学生，我已经迷恋这个家伙四年了。
At first, it was like, OK, he's cute.
起初，我觉得，好吧，他很可爱。
Yeah, let me get to know him.
是啊，让我认识一下他。
And then, after a while, it's, OK, I really know you, and you really know me.
然后，过了一会儿，好吧，我真的了解你，你也真的了解我。
So do you like me?
那你喜欢我吗？
Like, giving out hints but not really saying anything.
就像给出提示但实际上什么也没说。
And then it goes into-- when you walk down the hall, trying to touch hands to see if he'll actually grab your hand and stuff like that.
然后当你走过大厅时，试图触摸双手，看看他是否真的会抓住你的手之类的。
There's times where it's like that, and you know he doesn't like you.
有时候就是这样，你知道他不喜欢你。
But then, then, there's times like this one time, I sneezed.
但是，然后，有一次，我打了个喷嚏。
And he looked at me, he goes, "You have a really cute sneeze." It's like, Oh my god.
他看着我，说道：“你打的喷嚏真可爱。”就像，天哪。
What are you doing to me?
你对我做什么？
Because it's just totally mixed signals.
因为这只是完全混合的信号。
With a crush, everything is more intense.
有了暗恋，一切都变得更加强烈。
Everything your crushee says and does is freighted with such meaning.
你暗恋的人所说、所做的一切都充满了这样的意义。
I was all day on that sneeze comment.
我一整天都在听那个打喷嚏的评论。
I must've told every single one of my friends.
我一定已经告诉了我的每一位朋友。
And I was like, man, it's this stupid little "you have a cute sneeze" thing.
我当时想，伙计，这是一个愚蠢的小“你打了一个可爱的喷嚏”的事情。
And I was like, man, OK, get over it.
我当时想，伙计，好吧，克服它吧。
Get over it.
克服它。
No big deal.
没什么大不了的。
But it was the highlight of my day, man.
但这是我这一天的亮点，伙计。
Having a crush, anybody knows, means being utterly, miserably, dejected and completely filled with hope at the same time.
任何人都知道，迷恋意味着完全、痛苦、沮丧，同时又完全充满希望。
But after four years of an on-again, off-again crush on this guy, just last week, Marlene started seeing somebody else.
但在对这个男人断断续续地迷恋了四年之后，就在上周，马琳开始和其他人约会。
And she says that compared with dating, a crush is better better in certain ways.
她说，与约会相比，暗恋在某些方面更好。
The whole you don't know who he is, and you don't know if he likes you, and that trying to bump into him every day and stuff.
整个你不知道他是谁，你不知道他是否喜欢你，并且每天都试图撞见他之类的。
But when you start dating somebody, it's just a normal thing.
但当你开始和某人约会时，这只是一件很正常的事情。
It's not something spontaneous.
这不是自发的事情。
If you have a crush, you do anything just to be in his way, and it's just all this spontaneous, exciting thing.
如果你暗恋一个人，你会做任何事来妨碍他，而这一切都是自发的、令人兴奋的事情。
You have a boyfriend, it's just like, OK, yeah, OK.
你有男朋友了，这就像，好吧，是的，好吧。
It's 3 o'clock.
现在是 3 点。
I see you now.
我现在看到你了。
Well, today on our program, for Valentine's Day, stories about love in its earliest stage.
好吧，今天在我们的情人节节目中，讲述的是关于爱情早期阶段的故事。
Crushes.
粉碎。
What's terrible about them, what's great about them, and how they can overshadow real love for some people.
他们有什么可怕的，有什么伟大的，以及他们如何掩盖了对某些人的真正的爱。
Act One of our program, Kiss.
我们节目的第一幕，Kiss。
Tobias Wolff has the story of a crush that lasted a lifetime.
托拜厄斯·沃尔夫有一个持续一生的迷恋故事。
Act Two, How a Bill Becomes-- A President, in which a press secretary for a major presidential campaign explains the dynamics of crushes that are not about love but about politics.
第二幕，法案如何成为总统，一位主要总统竞选活动的新闻秘书解释了迷恋的动态，这些迷恋与爱情无关，而是与政治有关。
Act Three, On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One April Morning, in which one lonely crushee finally figures out what it was that he wanted to say-- what we all want to say as the person of our dreams passes us on the street.
第三幕，《在四月的一个早晨见到百分百完美的女孩》，一位孤独的暗恋者终于明白了他想说的话——当我们的梦中之人在街上经过我们时我们都想说的话。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Kiss.
第一幕，吻。
So what if you held onto a high school crush?
那么，如果你一直在高中迷恋怎么办？
Under what conditions would it never go away?
在什么条件下它永远不会消失？
Tobias Wolff has this short story.
托拜厄斯·沃尔夫有这样一个短篇故事。
When Joe Reed was a boy of 15, his craziness over a girl became such a burden to his family, and such a curiosity to the small town where they lived, that his mother threatened to pack him off to his married sister in San Diego.
当乔·里德 (Joe Reed) 15 岁的时候，他对一个女孩的疯狂成为了他家人的负担，也让他们所居住的小镇产生了好奇，以至于他的母亲威胁要把他送去圣地亚哥他已婚的姐姐那里。
But before this could happen, Joe's father died, and his mother collected a large sum from Northwestern Mutual and sold the family pharmacy and moved both Joe and herself to California.
但在此之前，乔的父亲去世了，他的母亲从西北互助银行筹集了一大笔钱，卖掉了家庭药房，并将乔和她自己搬到了加利福尼亚州。
30 years passed.
30年过去了。
In that time, he heard nothing from the girl, Mary Claude Moore, but now and then, word of her reached him through people back in Dunston.
在那段时间里，他没有听到那个女孩玛丽·克劳德·摩尔的任何消息，但时不时地，他会通过邓斯顿的人听到关于她的消息。
She dropped out of high school in her senior year, had a baby, got married, got divorced, remarried a few years later.
她在高三时从高中退学，生了孩子，结婚，离婚，几年后再婚。
That second marriage was the last thing Joe learned about Mary Claude until he got the news of her death.
第二次婚姻是乔在得知玛丽·克劳德去世的消息之前对她的最后了解。
He dropped by his mother's house one Sunday afternoon.
一个周日的下午，他顺道拜访了他母亲的家。
They had coffee together.
他们一起喝咖啡。
And that was when she told him about Mary Claude and gave him the letter.
就在那时，她向他讲述了玛丽·克劳德的事，并将信交给了他。
He didn't want to be thinking about what his reaction looked like, or ought to look like, so he excused himself and took the letter outside to the backyard.
他不想考虑自己的反应是什么样子，或者应该是什么样子，所以他告辞了，把信拿到外面的后院。
According to the newspaper clipping his mother's friend had enclosed, Mary Claude appeared to have fallen asleep at the wheel and drifted into the oncoming lane of traffic.
根据他母亲的朋友附上的剪报，玛丽·克劳德似乎在方向盘上睡着了，然后漂进了迎面而来的车道。
She'd been killed outright, and so had the driver of the car she hit, a dentist from Bellingham on his way home from a weekend of fishing.
她当场被杀，她撞车的司机也是如此，他是一位来自贝灵厄姆的牙医，周末钓鱼后正在回家的路上。
That was the newspaper account.
那是报纸的报道。
The unofficial version, which his mother's friend disparaged but passed along anyway, was that Mary Claude had been having a fling with a real estate agent named Chip Ryan.
非官方版本是玛丽·克劳德与一位名叫奇普·瑞恩的房地产经纪人有过一段风流韵事，他母亲的朋友对此表示蔑视，但还是流传了下来。
Chip Ryan drove the same unusual car as the dentist, a red Mercedes station wagon.
奇普·瑞安和牙医开着同样不寻常的汽车，一辆红色梅赛德斯旅行车。
And Mary Claude had an equally distinctive old Mustang convertible, powder blue.
玛丽·克劳德有一辆同样独特的旧野马敞篷车，粉蓝色。
Both of them lived outside town and frequently passed each other coming and going.
两人都住在城外，经常来往。
The story was, whenever they met on an empty stretch of road, they played a game where they switched lanes at the last moment, a sort of lovers game.
故事是这样的，每当他们在空旷的马路上相遇时，他们都会玩一种在最后一刻换道的游戏，一种恋人游戏。
Mary Claude had mistaken the dentist's car for Chip's, and that was that.
玛丽·克劳德把牙医的车误认为是奇普的，就是这样。
Joe could hardly make sense of the story.
乔几乎无法理解这个故事。
His mother's friend doubted it was true, but conceded that it certainly was a puzzle, how Mary Claude could've fallen asleep just 100 feet past a series of tight curves.
他母亲的朋友怀疑这是真的，但承认这确实是一个谜，玛丽·克劳德怎么会在经过一系列狭窄弯道仅 100 英尺处睡着了。
Still, she wrote, there were probably other ways of explaining it without insulting her memory and giving needless pain to her family.
不过，她写道，可能还有其他方法可以解释这一点，同时又不会侮辱她的记忆，也不会给她的家人带来不必要的痛苦。
She was survived by her husband, three children, and two grandchildren.
她身后留下了她的丈夫、三个孩子和两个孙子。
For some reason, the paper hadn't run a picture of her with the piece.
由于某种原因，报纸上没有刊登她与这件作品的照片。
Joe was glad of the omission.
乔对这一遗漏感到很高兴。
Joe had lived another submerged life, parallel to the one known to those around him.
乔过着另一种隐秘的生活，与他周围的人所知道的相似。
In this other life, he hadn't left for California but had stayed on in Dunston with Mary Claude.
在另一世，他没有前往加利福尼亚，而是和玛丽·克劳德一起留在了邓斯顿。
He fell into this dream during the first months after the move in the immensity of summer, on a sun-struck street full of old geezers, where sprinklers ran at night on lawns visited only by the Mexicans who mowed them.
搬家后的头几个月里，他在盛夏的时候陷入了这个梦想，在一条阳光明媚的街道上，街上挤满了老家伙，晚上，草坪上的洒水装置只有修剪草坪的墨西哥人才能光顾。
When his mother left her darkened bedroom long enough to chase him outside, Joe took the Saturday Evening Post to a pool in a nearby park and watched the girls oil each other and arch their glistening legs over their backs and shriek when loitering thugs threw water on them.
当他的母亲离开黑暗的卧室足够长的时间把他追到外面时，乔拿着《周六晚邮报》来到附近公园的一个游泳池，看着女孩们互相涂油，把闪闪发光的腿拱在背上，当游荡的暴徒向她们泼水时尖叫起来。
He lay on his stomach and stared at the Post and lived his ghost life with Mary Claude.
他趴在地上，盯着《华盛顿邮报》，和玛丽·克劳德一起过着幽灵般的生活。
After Joe started school, his mother took a job as an accountant for an office furniture store.
乔上学后，他的母亲在一家办公家具店找到了一份会计工作。
A few months later, she and another woman formed a partnership and bought the owner out.
几个月后，她和另一位女士合伙经营并买下了业主的股份。
Joe's mother began to dress smartly.
乔的妈妈开始穿得很漂亮。
She wore her hair straight instead of piled up on her head and let a gray streak show through.
她把头发直直地扎着，而不是盘在头上，露出一条灰色的条纹。
One night at dinner, she called "Joe" in such a way he realized she'd been speaking to him without his knowing it.
一天晚上吃晚饭时，她称呼“乔”，他意识到她在不知不觉中和他说话。
And when he looked at her, she said, "You can't bring him back, son.
当他看着她时，她说：“你不能把他带回来，孩子。
You have to let him go." Joe was embarrassed at the depth of her misunderstanding, but he played along.
你必须让他走。”乔对她的误解深感尴尬，但他也配合了。
He let her think she'd read his mind.
他让她以为她读懂了他的心思。
The high school was new and bright and vast.
高中是新的、明亮的、宽敞的。
In the echoing hallways, the voices of the students mingled in a roar that Joe came to hear as an aspect of the silence in which he passed his days.
在回响着回声的走廊里，学生们的声音混杂在一声吼叫中，乔开始听到这声音，这是他度过一生的寂静的一个方面。
He sometimes went home without having spoken a word to anyone.
有时他不跟任何人说一句话就回家了。
It seemed to him that he might go through the whole year that way, and the next year too, until he graduated.
他觉得一整年都会这样度过，明年也是这样，直到毕业。
But before long, he became friends with his biology lab partner, who took him to parties and introduced him to girls.
但不久之后，他和他的生物实验室伙伴成为了朋友，他带他去参加聚会，并向他介绍了女孩。
When Joe got his driver's license that spring, he began to date Carla.
那年春天，乔拿到驾照后，他开始和卡拉约会。
He aced his courses and played Officer Krupke in West Side Story .
他的课程成绩优异，并在《西城故事》中扮演克鲁普克警官。
In the fall of his senior year, he and Carla left a dance early and went to a motel.
大四那年的秋天，他和卡拉提前离开了舞会，去了一家汽车旅馆。
It was the first time for both of them and a failure.
这对他们俩来说都是第一次，也是一次失败。
They tried again a few days later in Carla's bedroom and had better luck.
几天后，他们在卡拉的卧室再次尝试，运气更好。
And by Christmas, Joe was starting to see Courtney on the sly.
到了圣诞节，乔开始偷偷地见到考特尼。
He didn't really prefer her, but it seemed inevitable that sooner or later, either he or Carla would be unfaithful, and he wanted to be the one.
他并不是真的喜欢她，但似乎不可避免的是，他或卡拉迟早都会不忠，而他想成为那个人。
It turned out to be much more complicated than he'd thought.
事实证明事情比他想象的要复杂得多。
Joe was soon exposed and denounced by both girls as a heartless cheat, which did not, it turned out, entirely discourage other girls from going out with him.
乔很快就被两个女孩揭露并谴责为无情的骗子，但事实证明，这并没有完全阻止其他女孩与他约会。
And through all this, he continued his phantom life with Mary Claude.
而经历了这一切，他继续着与玛丽·克劳德的幻影生活。
He was with her on a blanket in a moonlit clearing, or in a car parked above the river with Ray Charles on the radio, her fingertips grazing the back of his neck, her mouth open to his, her caramel taste on his lips and tongue and deep in his throat.
他和她一起躺在月光下的空地上的毯子上，或者在一辆停在河边的汽车里，收音机里播放着雷·查尔斯的声音，她的指尖擦过他的颈后，她的嘴向他张开，她的焦糖味道在他的嘴唇和舌头上，深入到他的喉咙里。
Only the kiss was a memory.
只有那个吻成为了回忆。
Only the kiss was real.
只有那个吻是真实的。
He'd hardly been anywhere with Mary Claude, except when they could sneak off at school and a few times in town.
他几乎没有和玛丽·克劳德一起去过任何地方，除了他们可以偷偷溜进学校和进城几次的时候。
But from the kiss, he made everything else, or everything else made itself.
但从这个吻中，他创造了其他一切，或者说一切都自然而然地发生了。
For that was how it happened.
因为事情就是这样发生的。
Without any effort of imagination or sense of unreality, he watched his life with Mary Claude go on as he had once believed it would.
没有任何想象的努力，也没有任何不真实的感觉，他看着自己和玛丽·克劳德的生活按照他曾经相信的那样继续下去。
The scenes grew more particular as time passed, each new one framed by those that had gone before, and always with a kiss at the heart of it.
随着时间的推移，场景变得越来越特别，每一个新的场景都被以前的场景所包围，并且总是以一个吻为中心。
At Berkeley, Joe went with Maureen.
在伯克利，乔和莫琳一起去了。
And when Maureen left for a year at the Sorbonne, there was Linda, then Candace.
当莫琳离开索邦大学一年后，琳达就在那里，然后是坎迪斯。
He and Candace shared a house with two other couples until they graduated.
他和坎迪斯与另外两对夫妇合住一所房子，直到他们毕业。
And afterward, they rented an apartment of their own through Joe's first year of medical school.
之后，他们在乔医学院的第一年租了一套自己的公寓。
Then Candace went to New York to visit her family and never came back.
然后坎迪斯去纽约探望她的家人，再也没有回来。
She sent Joe a letter in which she asked his forgiveness for the problems she'd caused through her alcoholism, which she was now in the process of confronting.
她给乔写了一封信，请求他原谅她因酗酒而造成的问题，而她现在正在面对这些问题。
She said she couldn't return to the life she'd led in Berkeley, as he must understand.
她说她无法回到伯克利的生活，他一定明白。
No, Joe did not understand.
不，乔不明白。
They'd had their troubles, the two of them.
他们两个，都有各自的烦恼。
He'd been going all out, and so had Candace, waitressing nights as she worked toward a degree in dance therapy.
他一直全力以赴，坎迪斯也是如此，在攻读舞蹈治疗学位的同时，她还在晚上当服务员。
Of course, there were problems, but nothing that serious.
当然，也有一些问题，但没有那么严重。
He certainly didn't begrudge her a little relaxation.
他当然不吝惜她的一点放松。
But when Joe's mother heard about Candace leaving, the first thing she said was that she hoped she'd get some help for her drinking.
但当乔的母亲听说坎迪斯要离开时，她说的第一句话就是希望她能在酗酒方面得到一些帮助。
Joe hadn't mentioned the letter.
乔没有提到那封信。
By the time he started his residency in Seattle, he'd entered a state of near quarantine that made his shadow life more moony and detailed than ever.
当他开始在西雅图居住时，他已经进入了一种近乎隔离的状态，这让他的影子生活比以往任何时候都更加阴郁和详细。
Dunston was just three hours north of Seattle.
邓斯顿位于西雅图以北仅三小时车程处。
Joe sometimes thought of driving up on a free afternoon but never did.
乔有时想在一个空闲的下午开车过来，但从未这么做过。
By then, he'd heard that Mary Claude was married again.
那时，他听说玛丽·克洛德又结婚了。
There was no purpose in making the trip except to see her, and he was afraid that she wouldn't want to see him, and also afraid that she would.
他此行没有任何目的，就是为了见她，他怕她不想见他，也怕她想见他。
It was too late for that.
为时已晚。
She had a daughter and a husband and a house to run.
她有一个女儿、一个丈夫和一栋房子要经营。
She had work to do.
她还有工作要做。
So did he.
他也是。
Useful, exacting work.
有用的、严格的工作。
It depended on a clarity Joe knew he couldn't rely on, that he had to improvise day by day.
这取决于乔知道他不能依赖的清晰性，他必须日复一日地即兴发挥。
He'd lost it before, and could not risk losing it again.
他曾经失去过它，不能再冒险失去它。
When Mary Claude was killed, Joe had been married for 17 years.
当玛丽·克劳德被杀时，乔已经结婚 17 年了。
His wife, Liz, was a pediatrician in the same clinic where he practiced as an internist.
他的妻子莉兹（Liz）是一名儿科医生，在他担任内科医生的同一家诊所里。
They had a son in his junior year of high school, a daughter a year younger.
他们有一个儿子，正在读高中三年级，还有一个小一岁的女儿。
The boy was a gifted cellist, unworldly, dreamy.
这个男孩是一位才华横溢的大提琴手，超凡脱俗，充满梦想。
Joe's daughter was more calculating but fiercer in her attachments once she'd made them.
乔的女儿变得更加精于算计，但一旦产生了感情，她的依恋也更加激烈。
Joe began taking her rock climbing when she was still in grade school, and she turned out to be the most fearless and inventive partner he'd ever had.
当她还在上小学时，乔就开始带她攀岩，事实证明她是他所拥有的最无畏、最有创造力的伙伴。
Then came a time when his daughter ceased to confide.
后来他的女儿不再倾诉。
Both daughter and son developed private sources of amusement, and Joe began to detect a certain condescension in their handling of him.
女儿和儿子都发展出了私人的娱乐来源，乔开始察觉到他们对待他的方式有某种居高临下的感觉。
His children were slipping away into the deep forest.
他的孩子们正在溜进森林深处。
He tried not to hurry them with the panic he felt at the gathering signs of their departure.
当他们离开的迹象越来越多时，他感到恐慌，他尽量不催促他们。
Liz, too, kept changing on him.
莉兹对他的看法也不断改变。
When they first met, she was girlish and unsure of herself in spite of being three years older than Joe.
当他们第一次见面时，尽管她比乔大三岁，但她还是个女孩子，对自己缺乏信心。
But since then, she'd grown calm and regal, which both unsettled and excited him.
但从那时起，她变得平静而高贵，这让他既不安又兴奋。
In their lovemaking, he approached her almost wistfully, and sometimes concluded with a bark of triumph, as if he'd brought a notorious virgin to ground.
在他们做爱的过程中，他近乎渴望地接近她，有时还以胜利的叫声结束，仿佛他把一个臭名昭著的处女打倒在地。
Away from her for more than a day or two, Joe hardly knew who he was.
离开她一两天多，乔几乎不知道自己是谁。
And still, through all these years, he had thoughts of Mary Claude.
尽管如此，这些年来他一直想着玛丽·克劳德。
He thought of Mary Claude sitting across from him at a table in the kitchen, barely awake, drinking coffee.
他想起玛丽·克劳德坐在他对面厨房的一张桌子旁，刚刚睡着，正在喝咖啡。
He thought of them standing on a porch and waving as friends drove off.
他想起他们站在门廊上，朋友们开车离开时挥手致意。
And when they were alone, Mary Claude turned to him and slipped an arm around his waist.
当他们独处时，玛丽·克劳德转向他，用一只手臂搂住他的腰。
And they went slowly inside and up the stairs, stopping to kiss on the landing.
他们慢慢地走进去，走上楼梯，在楼梯平台上停下来亲吻。
Sometimes, Joe thought of what was to follow, but this was the moment he lingered on.
有时，乔会想到接下来会发生什么，但这就是他徘徊的时刻。
The kiss.
那个吻。
Joe remembered very well what it was like to kiss Mary Claude.
乔清楚地记得亲吻玛丽·克劳德的感觉。
He had done it as much as anyone could for as long as they were going together, which came to just over three months.
只要他们一起去，他就尽可能多地这样做，总共才三个多月。
Mary Claude's father owned a dairy farm several miles out of town.
玛丽·克劳德的父亲在离城几英里的地方拥有一家奶牛场。
Her mother had moved away when Mary Claude was 11, taking her daughter with her.
玛丽·克劳德 11 岁时，她的母亲带着女儿搬走了。
She married again, but things did not go well between her daughter and this new husband, and she sent Mary Claude back to her father when she was 15.
她再次结婚，但她的女儿和这位新丈夫之间的关系并不顺利，15岁时她将玛丽·克劳德送回了父亲身边。
Joe had gone through the first six years of grade school barely noticing her, drab little hick that she was.
乔在小学的前六年里几乎没有注意到她，她是个单调的小乡巴佬。
But she came back a different girl, witchy and vivid.
但她回来后却是一个不同的女孩，充满魔力且生动。
She mouthed off to the teachers and walked around in a pout with her back arched like a bow.
她对老师们张口结舌，撅着嘴走来走去，背弓得像一张弓。
She had no friends except for an equally friendless cousin.
除了一个同样没有朋友的表弟之外，她没有朋友。
During volleyball games in her gym class, she baited the other girls by deliberately hitting the ball lot of bounds or into the net.
在体育课上的排球比赛中，她故意将球击出很多界线或入网，以此来引诱其他女孩。
She cut classes and smoked and made out with other girls' boyfriends, or so it was said.
她逃课、抽烟、和其他女孩的男朋友亲热，至少是这么说的。
And Joe, curious to test the rumor, found it to be true.
乔好奇地想验证这个谣言，结果发现这是真的。
Mary Claude went behind the school with him, during a dance to which he'd brought another girl, and kept him out there for over an hour.
玛丽·克劳德和他一起走到学校后面，当时他带着另一个女孩参加了一场舞会，并让他在外面呆了一个多小时。
He knew she was doing it to shame his date, at first anyway, until she warmed to him.
他知道她这样做是为了羞辱他的约会对象，无论如何，一开始，直到她对他产生了好感。
But once he started, he couldn't stop kissing her.
但一旦开始，他就无法停止吻她。
Joe had, by then, kissed several girls and thought he had a pretty fair idea of the possibilities of a kiss.
那时乔已经亲吻了几个女孩，并且认为他对接吻的可能性有一个相当清楚的想法。
Kissing was good.
接吻很好。
But he tended to think of it as a beachhead from which to launch more serious operations, and a safe haven when, inevitably, he was forced to retreat.
但他倾向于将其视为发起更严肃行动的滩头阵地，以及不可避免地被迫撤退时的避风港。
But he didn't remember to try anything else that night, leaning against the gymnasium wall with this girl, who tasted so good and pressed so fully against him, humming in his ear when they stopped to breathe and swaying to the music that rattled the high windows above them.
但那天晚上他不记得尝试过任何其他的事情，和这个女孩一起靠在体育馆的墙上，这个女孩味道很好，紧紧地贴在他身上，当他们停下来呼吸时，她在他耳边嗡嗡作响，并随着敲响他们头顶高窗的音乐摇摆。
There were other couples along the wall, and Joe knew his date would hear about this.
墙边还有其他情侣，乔知道他的约会对象会听到这件事。
But when he started to lean away, Mary Claude laid her fingers along his cheeks and guided his mouth back to hers.
但当他开始倾斜时，玛丽·克劳德用手指抚摸他的脸颊，把他的嘴拉回自己的嘴上。
And after that, he forgot leaving.
然后他就忘记了离开。
He would have stayed there all night with no sense of time passing, but finally, a girl came out and told Mary Claude that her ride was waiting to take her home.
他会在那里待上一整夜，没有时间流逝的感觉，但最后，一个女孩出来告诉玛丽·克劳德，她的车正在等着带她回家。
She turned to go, then stopped and kissed Joe again.
她转身要走，然后又停下来吻了乔。
He walked around the school twice before going back inside.
他在学校里走了两圈才回到学校。
The gym was almost empty.
健身房里几乎空无一人。
His date had left with friends.
他的约会对象已经和朋友一起离开了。
When he saw Mary Claude in the hallway on Monday morning, he did not pretend that nothing had happened, nor did she.
周一早上，当他在走廊里看到玛丽·克劳德时，他并没有假装什么也没发生，她也没有。
She'd let him take her books and walk her to class.
她会让他拿走她的书并送她去上课。
At the lunch period, they went to the cafeteria and sat across from each other.
午饭时间，他们去了食堂，面对面坐下。
He understood what would happen, the hush around them, how they'd looked at, even by his friends.
他了解将会发生什么，了解他们周围的寂静，了解他们的看法，甚至是他的朋友们的看法。
Joe knew the rules.
乔知道规则。
He'd been a [BLEEP] and hurt a nice girl.
他曾经[BLEEP]伤害过一个好女孩。
And for Mary Claude, of all people.
对于所有人来说，玛丽·克劳德也是如此。
You could make out with Mary Claude, but you had to laugh about it later and cut her dead.
你可以和玛丽·克劳德亲热，但事后你必须一笑置之，然后把她杀了。
They ate without talking.
他们吃着饭，没有说话。
Her color was high.
她的颜值很高。
Otherwise, she gave nothing away.
除此之外，她什么也没透露。
She helped herself to his carrots, and that was that.
她自己拿了他的胡萝卜，仅此而已。
They were a pair.
他们是一对。
There was a fern-choked gully behind the school.
学校后面有一条长满蕨类植物的沟壑。
There were the stands by the football field, empty classrooms.
足球场边有看台，教室空荡荡。
She tasted of lipstick and cigarettes and candy.
她尝到了口红、香烟和糖果的味道。
Which she opened her mouth to his, the first sensation was a shock of relief as the tightness melted in a rush from his neck and shoulders.
她向他张开嘴，第一个感觉是如释重负的震惊，因为紧绷感从他脖子和肩膀上消失了。
And then, he was swaying with her, drinking that smoky sweetness, drinking forgetfulness of the schoolwork he had not done, the stammer he was developing, his mother dazed and pale, the room at the end of the hallway where his father lay gasping for the next breath like a trout dropped on the river bank.
然后，他和她一起摇摆，喝着那股烟熏的甜味，喝着忘记了他没有做的功课，他开始结巴，他的母亲茫然而苍白，他的父亲躺在走廊尽头的房间里，喘着粗气，像一条落在河岸上的鳟鱼。
He forgot to plan what to try next, where to touch, how hard to press.
他忘记计划下一步要尝试什么，触摸哪里，按多大的力度。
He stopped thinking ahead.
他不再思考未来。
There was no ahead, no before, and no after.
没有前面，没有之前，也没有之后。
He was itchy with thirst and deeply satisfied all at once.
他渴得发痒，同时又感到深深的满足。
And Mary Claude was thirsty for him.
玛丽·克洛德非常渴望他。
He'd never have this happened before, a girl impatient for the taste of him, greedy for it.
他以前从来没有发生过这样的事，一个女孩对他的味道不耐烦，贪婪。
She did not like to break off.
她不喜欢中断。
When he leaned away for a breath, she would close her fingers in his hair and pull him back to her.
当他侧身喘口气时，她会用手指掐住他的头发，把他拉回到自己身边。
She sometimes said his name in a low, almost mocking way, and the sound of it whipped him around is if she'd yanked on a leash.
有时她会用一种低沉、近乎嘲弄的方式喊出他的名字，而那声音把他甩来甩去的声音就好像她猛拉了一条皮带。
Mary Claude some grew careless with their privacy.
玛丽·克劳德有些人对自己的隐私变得粗心了。
She didn't care who saw them or when.
她不在乎谁看到他们或什么时候看到他们。
She'd command a kiss-- a profound kiss-- as she boarded her bus, or in the hallway, even on the street in town when her father let her go in for some shopping after school.
当她登上公共汽车时，或者在走廊上，甚至在镇上的街道上，当她父亲放学后让她进去购物时，她都会要求一个吻——一个深刻的吻。
Joe knew that it went beyond carelessness, that she was making a display of their appetite, perhaps especially of his appetite for her.
乔知道这不仅仅是粗心，她正在表现出他们的胃口，也许尤其是他对她的胃口。
He could see that she was proud of her claim on him, and this made him proud and brazen too.
他看得出来，她为自己对他的要求而感到自豪，这也让他感到骄傲和厚颜无耻。
He didn't mind if people thought they were ridiculous, even a sort of joke, the two of them stitched together at the mouth, as his mother put it.
他并不介意人们是否认为他们很可笑，甚至是一种玩笑，他们两个在嘴上缝合在一起，正如他母亲所说的那样。
Joe's mother had heard about them.
乔的母亲听说过他们。
She heard everything in the pharmacy.
药房里的一切她都听到了。
At first, she came at him aslant about it.
起初，她对他的态度是斜视的。
Then she lost patience.
然后她就失去了耐心。
Was this the time to be carrying on with some girl?
现在是和某个女孩继续交往的时候吗？
Couldn't he sit with his father a while instead of mooning in his room and tying up the telephone?
难道他就不能和父亲一起坐一会儿，而不是在自己的房间里呆呆地挂上电话吗？
Would that be too much to ask?
这样的要求会不会太过分了？
Joe knew he should care that he was giving his mother trouble, but nothing she said touched him.
乔知道他应该关心他给母亲带来的麻烦，但她所说的一切都没有触动他。
It wasn't out of concern for her that he ruined everything.
他毁掉一切并不是因为对她的关心。
He and Mary Claude were in the stands during a basketball game.
一场篮球比赛期间，他和玛丽·克劳德在看台上。
She was bored.
她很无聊。
She wanted to leave, go outside.
她想离开，到外面去。
Joe kept putting her off.
乔一直在拖延她。
The game was close.
比赛比分很接近。
She started to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.
她开始玩弄他颈后的头发。
He liked the feeling, and almost surrendered to it, but something came over him, and he shrugged her hand off.
他喜欢这种感觉，几乎要屈服于这种感觉，但他突然意识到，他耸了耸肩，松开了她的手。
He felt Mary Claude go still beside him.
他感觉到玛丽·克劳德仍然在他身边。
He knew she was looking at him, but he kept his eyes on the players, and even produced a shout when one of them goofed a pass.
他知道她在看着他，但他的目光一直盯着球员们，甚至在其中一人传球失误时发出了一声喊叫。
Mary Claude slid her fingers back into his hair, tightened them, and began to turn his head toward hers.
玛丽·克劳德将手指滑回他的头发中，握紧，然后开始将他的头转向她的。
Without taking his eyes from the game, he gave a rough shake and pulled away.
他的目光没有从比赛中移开，粗暴地摇了摇，然后就离开了。
Mary Claude stood up, but waited there a moment.
玛丽·克劳德站了起来，但在那里等了一会儿。
And though Joe knew he could still turn to her, even then, he did not.
尽管乔知道他仍然可以求助于她，但即便如此，他也没有这样做。
She made her way to the aisle.
她朝过道走去。
He watched her descend the steps and cross in front of the stands and leave the gym.
他看着她走下台阶，穿过看台前，离开体育馆。
The game had become meaningless to him, but he sat through the rest of it.
这场比赛对他来说已经变得毫无意义，但他还是坚持看完了剩下的比赛。
His mouth was dry.
他的嘴很干。
His heart thudded as if it were hollow.
他的心砰砰直跳，仿佛空了一样。
Tobias Wolff's story continues, plus other stories, in a minute, from Public Radio International, when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续时，托拜厄斯·沃尔夫的故事以及国际公共广播电台的其他故事仍在继续。
It's This American Life .
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different stories on that theme.
当然，我们的节目每周都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同的故事。
Today's program, for Valentine's Day, Crushes.
今天的节目是情人节，《Crushes》。
What's good about them, what's terrible about them, what happens when they take over your life.
他们有什么好处，有什么坏处，当他们接管你的生活时会发生什么。
Tobias Wolff continues with his short story, "Kiss."
托比亚斯·沃尔夫继续他的短篇小说《吻》。
Joe phoned Mary Claude when he got home, but no one answered.
乔回到家后给玛丽·克劳德打电话，但无人接听。
He called again just before he went to bed, and someone picked up but didn't say anything.
临睡前他又打了电话，有人接听，但没有说什么。
"Mary Claude," he said.
“玛丽·克劳德，”他说。
"Mary Claude, please."
“玛丽·克劳德，请。”
She wouldn't answer.
她不肯回答。
He knew she was waiting for him to give an account, to justify himself, and he couldn't think what to say.
他知道她在等他交代，为自己辩解，但他不知道该说什么。
In the end, all he could say was her name, "Mary Claude," and then she hung up.
最后，他只能说出她的名字“玛丽·克劳德”，然后她就挂了电话。
She hung up whenever he called.
每次他打电话她都会挂断电话。
He pushed notes into her locker and got no answer.
他把纸条塞进她的储物柜里，但没有得到回应。
He met her bus every morning, and she walked right past him.
他每天早上都会遇到她的公共汽车，而她就从他身边走过。
He waited outside her classrooms and followed her down the hall and out to the bus stop after school.
他在她的教室外面等着，放学后跟着她穿过大厅，来到公交车站。
He knew he was making a fool of himself, but he had no choice.
他知道自己在愚弄自己，但他别无选择。
There was no other way to be close to her.
没有其他办法可以接近她。
His mother heard about it and demanded that he leave the girl alone.
他的母亲听说了这件事，要求他不要打扰这个女孩。
It made no difference.
这没有什么区别。
Joe continued to trail Mary Claude.
乔继续跟踪玛丽·克劳德。
And still, Mary Claude did not relent.
尽管如此，玛丽·克劳德并没有松懈。
They had one class together.
他们一起上过一节课。
Washington State history.
华盛顿州历史。
She sat two seats ahead of him in the next row to the left.
她坐在他前面两个座位，坐在左边下一排。
He could watch Mary Claude without seeing him watch her, though of course, she knew.
他可以看着玛丽·克劳德而不看到他看着她，当然，她知道。
He was alert to any movement that allowed him a view of Mary Claude's mouth.
他对任何能让他看到玛丽·克洛德嘴的动作都很警惕。
She often turned to look at the clock over the door, and Joe never failed to seize that glint of her face in profile, the high forehead, the full mouth.
她经常扭头看门上的时钟，乔总是能捕捉到她脸上闪光的轮廓、高高的额头和丰满的嘴巴。
When he saw her mouth, he leaned forward, narrowing the distance by at least that much.
当他看到她的嘴时，他身体前倾，至少将距离拉近了一些。
It was wrong that he couldn't put his mouth to hers.
他不能把嘴放到她的嘴上，这是错误的。
It was an impossible mistake that kept him baffled and on edge.
这是一个不可能的错误，让他感到困惑和紧张。
She must be feeling what he was feeling.
她一定也有他的感受。
Joe was sure of that.
乔对此深信不疑。
If he was cut off from her, she was cut off from him.
如果他与她断绝关系，她也就与他断绝关系。
She was in exile too.
她也曾被流放。
But it went on and on.
但事情一直持续着。
And Joe came to understand that Mary Claude didn't know how to end it, that she was waiting for him to find a way.
乔开始明白，玛丽·克劳德不知道如何结束这一切，她正在等待他找到办法。
But what could he do when she wouldn't speak to him, when she wouldn't even look at him?
但当她不跟他说话，甚至不看他一眼时，他能做什么呢？
Then she began keeping company with Al Dodge.
然后她开始和阿尔·道奇在一起。
Al was a senior, a quiet, well-liked boy who struggled in school and had a limp from polio.
阿尔是一名高年级学生，是一个安静、讨人喜欢的男孩，他在学校学习成绩不佳，还因小儿麻痹症而跛行。
He lived just up the road from Mary Claude.
他住在玛丽·克劳德的路上。
He drove to school, and Mary Claude started riding with him instead of taking the bus.
他开车去学校，玛丽·克劳德开始和他一起骑车，而不是乘坐公共汽车。
They often ate lunch together.
他们经常一起吃午餐。
Joe was confused at first.
乔一开始很困惑。
Then he saw that this was his signal.
然后他发现这是他的信号。
He waited for Al outside the wood shop and begin to tell him about Mary Claude and himself, but Al wouldn't listen.
他在木料店外等阿尔，并开始告诉他玛丽·克劳德和他自己的事，但阿尔不听。
He tried to brush past, but Joe wasn't through talking and blocked his way.
他试图擦身而过，但乔还没说完，挡住了他的路。
Al pushed at him, and his bad leg gave out, and he went down, his metal brace clattering on the concrete.
阿尔推了他一把，他那条受伤的腿瘫痪了，他倒在地上，金属支架在混凝土上发出咔哒声。
Joe bent to help him up, but two boys ran over and shouldered him aside.
乔弯腰想扶他起来，但两个男孩跑过来把他推到一边。
One of them gave Joe a look as he struggled to lift Al to his feet.
当乔努力把阿尔扶起来时，其中一个人看了乔一眼。
Joe wanted to explain everything, and the impossibility of ever doing this left him no choice but to smile at the boy and tell him to go [BLEEP] himself.
乔想解释一切，但不可能做到这一点，这让他别无选择，只能对男孩微笑并告诉他自己去[哔]。
He could see when he got home that his mother already knew about it.
当他回到家时，他发现他的母亲已经知道了这件事。
She sent him to work in the store and spoke to him only when she had to.
她派他去商店工作，只在必要时才跟他说话。
While he was doing the dishes that night, she came to the kitchen and told him that his sister and her husband were willing to have Joe come live with them until things got sorted out.
那天晚上，当他洗碗时，她来到厨房告诉他，他的姐姐和她的丈夫愿意让乔和他们住在一起，直到事情解决为止。
Until his father died, Joe took her to mean.
直到父亲去世，乔才把她当成贱人。
Her face was flushed, her eyes brilliant.
她的脸涨得通红，眼睛闪闪发亮。
She stood erect in the doorway and forced him to look at her.
她站在门口，强迫他看着她。
She was magnificent, and he resented it.
她很出色，他却对此感到厌恶。
Did he want to go to San Diego?
他想去圣地亚哥吗？
Did he want to do that?
他想这么做吗？
No?
不？
Was he sure?
他确定吗？
All right, she said.
好吧，她说。
She needed him here.
She needed him here.
But one more thing like this, he'd be on the first bus out of town.
但还有这样的事情，他会乘坐第一班出城的公共汽车。
Did he understand?
他明白了吗？
Good.
好的。
Now she wanted Joe to go to his father and make the same promise to him.
现在她希望乔去找他的父亲，向他做出同样的承诺。
Joe did no such thing.
乔没有做这样的事。
He listened to the weird submarine clankings emanating from his father's oxygen tank, and studied the pattern in the rug, and answered a few wheezy questions about his schoolwork, and then he got the hell out of there, but not before his father put his dry, yellow hand on Joe's wrist and pulled him down into an embrace that left him sick with horror.
他听着父亲氧气罐里发出的奇怪的潜艇叮当声，研究了地毯上的图案，回答了几个关于他的作业的令人气喘吁吁的问题，然后他离开了那里，但在此之前，他的父亲将干燥、黄色的手放在乔的手腕上，把他拉进怀里，这让他惊恐万分。
He stopped following Mary Claude to her classes.
他不再跟着玛丽·克劳德去上课。
She rode to school with Al Dodge, and they sometimes ate together, but Joe could see there was nothing between them.
她和阿尔·道奇一起骑车去学校，他们有时一起吃饭，但乔可以看出他们之间没有任何关系。
She was alone, as before.
她和以前一样孤身一人。
So was Joe, more than ever, the guy who picked on cripples.
乔也是，比以往任何时候都更喜欢欺负残疾人。
He didn't follow Mary Claude, but he watched her, from nearby when he could, but mostly from a distance, cocking her hip to hold her locker door open, at a cafeteria table, tearing at the peel of an orange with her strong, white fingers.
他没有跟着玛丽·克洛德，但他尽可能地从附近看她，但大多是从远处看，她在自助餐厅的桌子旁翘起臀部，打开储物柜的门，用她有力、白皙的手指撕开橙子皮。
It was late May.
那是五月下旬。
In a couple of weeks, school would be over, and he'd have no way of breaking the spell he had brought on them.
再过几周，学校就要放学了，而他却无法打破他给他们带来的魔咒。
He decided he would kiss her.
他决定要吻她。
She was like him.
She was like him.
After the first taste, she always wanted another, and then another, until she lost herself.
第一次尝过之后，她总是想再尝一次，然后再尝一次，直到失去自我。
That was what they needed, to lose themselves again.
这就是他们所需要的，再次迷失自我。
Mary Claude's gym teacher took the girls outside on warm days for softball and track.
玛丽·克劳德的体育老师在温暖的日子里带女孩们出去打垒球和田径运动。
Joe's French class met that period, but he sometimes cut out early to stand in the shade of the trees at the near end of the field and watch Mary Claude.
乔的法语课正逢这个时期，但他有时会提前退学，站在操场近端的树荫下观看玛丽·克劳德。
When the teacher led the class back inside, Mary Claude always made a point of lagging far behind, as if the force that impelled the others had no hold on her.
当老师带领全班同学回到教室时，玛丽·克劳德总是特意远远落在后面，仿佛推动其他人的力量无法控制她。
He stood under a horse-chestnut tree beside the path that led to the locker rooms.
他站在通往更衣室的小路旁的一棵七叶树下。
The tree was in bloom.
The tree was in bloom.
Eyes had gone weepy and raw from the pollen.
眼睛因花粉而流泪、红肿。
When she drew near to him, he spoke her name and she looked up without surprise.
当她走近他时，他说出了她的名字，她毫不惊讶地抬起头。
He'd had something all planned out to say, but now that he was close to her, he forgot what it was.
他本来有话要说，但现在离她很近，他忘了那是什么。
The whiteness of her legs emptied him of words.
她那白皙的双腿让他无话可说。
She waited, arms still crossed.
她等待着，双臂仍然交叉。
Then she said, "You been crying?"
然后她说：“你哭了？”
Joe wasn't sure what happened next.
乔不确定接下来会发生什么。
Even right after it happened, he had no confidence in any account, even in his own memory, and had accepted the blame that fell on him without protest and without belief.
即使在事情发生后，他对任何说法都没有信心，甚至对他自己的记忆也没有信心，并且毫无抗议和不相信地接受了落在他身上的指责。
But he knew that it started with Mary Claude's crack about his eyes.
但他知道这一切都是从玛丽·克劳德的眼睛裂开开始的。
He heard her mockery as forgiveness.
他把她的嘲笑听成是宽恕。
Forgiveness and summons.
Forgiveness and summons.
It sent a rush of heat to his face.
这让他脸上一阵热流。
He could still feel it, thinking back.
回想起来，他仍然能感觉到。
Then he lost the thread.
Then he lost the thread.
He remembered holding one of her hands in both of his, and her leaning away and looking at him.
他记得用双手握住她的一只手，她侧过身子看着他。
But struggling?
But struggling?
Perhaps.
也许。
Then he remembered being with her under the tree, his arms around her.
然后他记起和她一起在树下，双臂搂着她。
But how they got there, he couldn't say.
但他们是如何到达那里的，他却说不上来。
Maybe he led her there.
Maybe he led her there.
Maybe he really did force her.
或许，他真的强迫了她。
The one thing he was sure of was that her mouth was opening to his when the gym teacher grabbed his collar.
他唯一确定的一件事是，当体育老师抓住他的衣领时，她的嘴正向他张开。
Even as she wrenched him back, shirt front bunched at his throat, he was straining forward to seal the kiss.
尽管她把他拉了回来，衬衫前襟掐住了他的喉咙，但他仍竭力向前以完成这个吻。
Then Mary Claude turned aside and started gagging and weeping, and he knew he'd have to start all over again.
然后玛丽·克劳德转过身去，开始作呕和哭泣，他知道他必须重新开始。
He didn't argue with anything anyone said.
他没有反驳任何人所说的任何话。
His mother surprised him by trying to make the principal feel sorry for her, something he'd never seen her do.
他的母亲试图让校长为她感到难过，这让他感到惊讶，这是他从未见过她做的事情。
But it didn't pay off.
But it didn't pay off.
The principal refused to let Joe finish out the year.
校长拒绝让乔完成这一学年。
As he was clearing out his locker, a couple of seniors walked past and made smooching sounds.
当他清理储物柜时，几个老年人走过并发出接吻的声音。
And other students took it up as Joe carried his stuff down the hallway.
当乔拎着他的东西穿过走廊时，其他学生也纷纷议论起来。
Joe's mother talked about sending him to San Diego that weekend.
乔的母亲谈到那个周末送他去圣地亚哥。
He'd made up his mind to refuse, but it never came to a test.
他已经下定决心拒绝，但从未受到考验。
Late Wednesday afternoon, his father went into a coma.
周三下午晚些时候，他的父亲陷入昏迷。
Until he died that evening, Joe kept the watch with his mother, prowling the bedroom while his mother held her husband's hand.
直到那天晚上他去世之前，乔一直把手表和他的母亲放在一起，在卧室里徘徊，而他的母亲握着丈夫的手。
He was steady at his mother's side, gallant and grave.
他坚定地站在母亲身边，英勇而严肃。
On the night after the funeral, he slipped downstairs and felt for the car keys on the hook where they were kept.
葬礼后的那天晚上，他溜下楼，摸索着挂在车钥匙上的钥匙。
Not there.
不在那里。
Not there the next night either.
第二天晚上也不在那里。
So, his mother had second-guessed him.
所以，他的母亲再次怀疑了他。
Joe was surprised that she had calculated so coolly in her grief.
乔很惊讶她在悲伤中竟然如此冷静地计算。
It made him think differently of her, better and worse.
这让他对她有了不同的看法，有好有坏。
Joe took the letter into his mother's yard and studied it a while.
乔把信拿到他母亲的院子里，研究了一会儿。
Hunched in a lawn chair, elbows on his knees, he waited to be struck.
他弓着背坐在草坪椅上，手肘撑在膝盖上，等待着被击中。
But down the street, someone was blasting a Strauss waltz through an open window.
但在街上，有人正在透过一扇开着的窗户吹奏施特劳斯华尔兹。
And he couldn't stop himself from following it, even conducting it with minute twitches of his head, though he'd lost his taste for old Vienna after Candace went on a Strauss binge the year before she left.
他无法阻止自己跟着它，甚至用他的头轻微的抽动来指挥它，尽管在坎迪斯离开前一年纵情狂欢之后，他已经失去了对老维也纳的兴趣。
The chair had looked dry when he sat down, but that morning's dew still lingered between the straps of webbing.
当他坐下时，椅子看上去已经干了，但那天早晨的露水仍然残留在织带之间。
It seeped into his pants, warm, clinging.
它渗进了他的裤子里，温暖而紧贴。
The grass needed a trim.
The grass needed a trim.
Joe knew that if he looked up, he'd see his mother watching him from the kitchen window, pulling a long face for what she imagined he was feeling.
乔知道，如果他抬起头，他会看到母亲从厨房的窗户里看着他，因为她想象中的他的感受而拉长了脸。
What he did feel was embarrassment at this hambone attempt to create sorrow by imitating it.
他确实感到尴尬，因为他试图通过模仿来制造悲伤。
Pathetic.
可怜的。
Pathetic.
可怜的。
He rocked to his feet, looked sourly around as he waited for a purpose to form, then started toward the shed where the mower was kept.
他摇摇晃晃地站了起来，阴郁地环顾四周，等待着一个目标的形成，然后朝停着割草机的棚子走去。
It would come later if it came at all.
如果它真的来的话，那会晚一些。
Sometimes it didn't.
有时却没有。
He lost patience and hardly ever thought of them again, and then, with a regret that he recognized as mostly polite.
他失去了耐心，几乎不再想起他们，然后，带着遗憾，他认为这基本上是礼貌的。
Same with a colleague who was killed not long ago on Lake Tahoe when he hit a beer cooler while water skiing.
不久前，一位同事在太浩湖滑水时撞到啤酒冷却器而丧生。
But then, water skiing was such an untragic way to go, and the derelict cooler, a ludicrous touch.
但话说回来，滑水是一种不那么悲惨的方式，而且废弃的冷却器也是一种可笑的方式。
No, if it came, it would come from behind and push him into a hole so deep he'd forget what it was like to be out of it.
不，如果它来了，它会从后面袭来，把他推入一个深深的洞里，让他忘记从里面出来是什么感觉。
That was what happened with his beautiful niece, Margaret, his sister's only child.
这就是他美丽的侄女玛格丽特（他姐姐唯一的孩子）身上发生的事情。
She was 28.
She was 28.
Joe had warned her.
Joe had warned her.
She had diabetes and was drinking heavily.
她患有糖尿病并且酗酒。
But somehow, he'd failed to expect it himself.
但不知何故，他自己却没有预料到这一点。
He got clobbered a few weeks after her death, laid low.
她死后几周，他就遭到重创，被埋没了。
Something like it happened to him after his son was born.
儿子出生后，类似的事情也发生在他身上。
One night, holding the baby, he remembered with perfect clarity his own father holding him, looking down at him.
一天晚上，他抱着孩子，清晰地记得自己的父亲抱着他，低头看着他。
His father was smiling.
His father was smiling.
There was that roguish gap between his teeth, the crazy, up-curved eyebrow.
他的牙齿之间有一道恶作剧般的缝隙，疯狂的、向上弯曲的眉毛。
It was a look of unguarded benevolence.
那是一种毫无防备的慈爱神情。
Joe knew it well.
Joe knew it well.
He'd grown up in the light of his father's pleasure in him.
他是在父亲对他的喜悦中长大的。
And now he figured that by some trick of the mind, he had imposed on a scene too distant for recall.
现在他发现，由于头脑的某种诡计，他强加了一个太遥远而无法回忆的场景。
And then, a few days later, he was doing some paperwork after the clinic closed and looked up into the dim corridor.
几天后，诊所关门后，他正在做一些文书工作，抬头看着昏暗的走廊。
And there he was in his parents house again, in the hallway just outside their bedroom.
他又回到了父母的房子里，就在他们卧室外的走廊上。
And as he stood there, unable to move, the wheezing, yellow-faced monster who had taken his father's place turned slowly and smiled that kindly smile and lifted his long yellow fingers and tried to speak.
当他站在那里，无法动弹时，那个取代了他父亲位置、气喘吁吁的黄脸怪物慢慢地转过身来，露出友善的微笑，举起修长的黄色手指，试图说话。
Joe cried out, or thought he did.
乔大叫起来，或者他以为他大叫了。
The room had that shocked, expectant air.
房间里充满了震惊和期待的气氛。
But if so, no one had heard him.
但即便如此，也没有人听到他的声音。
The lawnmower had a bent blade and shook convulsively as Joe worked his way around the yard.
当乔在院子里工作时，割草机的刀片弯曲了，割草机剧烈摇晃。
it was folly to use it in this condition, but the pushing felt good and he muscled it on.
在这种情况下使用它是愚蠢的，但推力感觉很好，他用力推了上去。
He spun through a corner and saw his mother in the kitchen window, her face overlaid with leaves reflected from the orange tree.
他转过拐角，看见母亲站在厨房的窗户里，她的脸覆盖着橘子树倒映的树叶。
She looked worried.
她看起来很担心。
Joe raised a hand and she made a little wave back, the same regretful wave she used to give from the departing car when they left him at scout camp in the summer.
乔举起一只手，她也向她轻轻挥了挥手，就像夏天他们把他留在童子军营地时，她在离开的车上时那样遗憾地挥手。
The same wave, the same uncertain smile, except she was strong and handsome then.
同样的挥手，同样不确定的微笑，只不过那时的她坚强而英俊。
And now, she was old and had to wear a diaper.
现在，她老了，不得不穿尿布。
He turned his attention to the rock border where he'd pranged the blade last time.
他把注意力转向上次他折断刀片的岩石边界。
And when he looked up again, she was gone.
当他再次抬头时，她已经消失了。
His hands tingled, his brow dripped, his shirt was soaked through.
他的手刺痛，额头滴水，衬衫湿透了。
As he worked, he ceased to think, or to feel himself think.
当他工作时，他不再思考，或者感觉自己不再思考。
And then it came to him.
And then it came to him.
The real estate agent, Chip Ryan.
房地产经纪人奇普·瑞安。
Little Chip.
Little Chip.
He hadn't placed him at first because the boy had been so young-- just seven or eight-- when Joe left Dunston.
他一开始并没有安置他，因为当乔离开邓斯顿时，这个男孩还太小——只有七八岁。
Chip's older brother had been a friend of Joe's.
奇普的哥哥是乔的朋友。
Chip used to hang around while they played records and talked, but he didn't butt in or act bratty.
奇普过去常常在他们放唱片、聊天时闲逛，但他不会插嘴，也不会表现得粗鲁。
Joe had been struck by that.
乔对此感到震惊。
What a nice little kid he was, little Chip, sitting there with his pet rabbit, stroking its ears while he looked up at the big boys.
他是一个多么好的小孩子啊，小奇普，和他的宠物兔子坐在那儿，一边抚摸着它的耳朵，一边抬头看着那些大男孩。
Little Chip and Mary Claude.
小奇普和玛丽·克劳德。
The letter didn't say whether Chip was married or single.
信中没有说明奇普是否已婚或单身。
Either way, he was on the prowl, or they wouldn't be telling that story.
不管怎样，他都在徘徊，否则他们就不会讲这个故事。
And of all the girls in that long, green valley, he had to pick Mary Claude, if it was true.
在那个漫长而绿色的山谷里的所有女孩中，他必须选择玛丽·克劳德，如果这是真的的话。
Of course it was true.
Of course it was true.
He bullied the mower through the last couple of turns and cut the engine.
他在最后几圈中欺负割草机并关闭了发动机。
A pall of exhaust hung above the yard.
院子上方挂着一层废气。
He heard the music again.
他又听到了音乐。
Violins.
小提琴。
Strauss still.
还是施特劳斯。
He nodded helplessly along as he toweled himself down with his shirt.
他一边用衬衫擦着身子，一边无助地点点头。
He'd heard the piece 100 times.
这首曲子他已经听了一百遍了。
500 hundred times, Candace dancing naked through their apartment to the grand rise and fall of it, gleaming with sweat, eyes half-closed.
坎迪斯在他们的公寓里赤身裸体地随着公寓的起起落落跳舞了 50000 次，半闭着眼睛，汗水闪闪发光。
But when he reached for the name, he felt it slip away.
但当他伸手去触碰这个名字时，却感觉它溜走了。
It baffled him that he could not hold on to something he'd known so well.
让他感到困惑的是，他竟然无法坚持自己如此熟悉的东西。
And he stood fixed in his puzzlement as the music swelled to a finish and died.
当音乐逐渐结束并消失时，他困惑地站在那里。
And a dog barked somewhere, and another waltz began.
某处传来一只狗的叫声，又一首华尔兹开始了。
Tobias Wolff is the author of several books, including The Night in Question and This Boy's Life .
托拜厄斯·沃尔夫是多本书的作者，包括《问题之夜》和《这个男孩的生活》。
His story "Kiss" first appeared in The New Yorker magazine.
他的故事《Kiss》首次出现在《纽约客》杂志上。
[MUSIC--"I THINK I NEED A NEW HEART" BY THE MAGNETIC FIELDS]
[音乐--磁场“我想我需要一颗新心”]
Act Two, How a Bill Becomes A President.
第二幕，法案如何成为总统。
Our program today is about crushes, and this story is about a very specialized kind of crush, the political crush.
我们今天的节目是关于暗恋的，这个故事是关于一种非常特殊的暗恋，即政治暗恋。
This is a crush that wants only for a candidate to get elected to office.
这是一种只希望候选人当选的狂热。
It is a rarely-discussed force in our national life.
这是我们国民生活中很少被讨论的力量。
Julia Rothwax, for example, says she doesn't care if she ever speaks with presidential candidate Bill Bradley, but she wants him to win the White House.
例如，朱莉娅·罗斯瓦克斯 (Julia Rothwax) 表示，她不在乎是否与总统候选人比尔·布拉德利 (Bill Bradley) 交谈过，但她希望他入主白宫。
Her political feelings for him started starring when she saw him talk about the normally uncrushworthy subject of campaign finance reform.
当她看到他谈论通常不值一提的竞选财务改革话题时，她对他的政治感情开始显现。
Now she's one of his press secretaries in New York.
现在她是他在纽约的新闻秘书之一。
She's worked for one other presidential campaign, for another Bill-- Bill Clinton in 1992.
她曾为另一位总统竞选活动工作，即 1992 年的另一位比尔·克林顿 (Bill Clinton)。
But after Clinton took office, she says the reality of his presidency did not match her hopes for it.
但克林顿就任总统后，她表示，克林顿担任总统的现实与她的希望不符。
She says "crush" isn't exactly the right word for the kind of political feeling that I'm trying to describe.
她说“迷恋”这个词并不完全适合我试图描述的那种政治感觉。
But I do think there's parallels to-- that every now and then, somebody comes along that makes you feel extremely hopeful and excited.
但我确实认为这两者之间有相似之处——时不时地，有人出现让你感到非常有希望和兴奋。
And then you go through a process of only thinking about that thing and that person.
然后你会经历一个只考虑那件事和那个人的过程。
Yeah.
是的。
Julia Rothwax What I think it's closer to is the feeling of falling in love than it is to a feeling of a crash.
朱莉娅·罗斯瓦克斯 我认为它更接近于坠入爱河的感觉，而不是崩溃的感觉。
It doesn't feel like a crush to me.
对我来说这并不像是迷恋。
It's sort of a process.
这是一个过程。
You have your first meeting or your first acquaintance with the candidate.
您与候选人第一次会面或第一次相识。
And at that first meeting, which for me was that campaign finance reform speech that Bradley gave, you're assessing in the same way you would on a first date.
在第一次会议上，对我来说，这是布拉德利发表的竞选财务改革演讲，你的评估方式与第一次约会时的方式相同。
I heard the speech and I was moved by it.
我听到了这个演讲，我很感动。
And I wanted to hear more, and I wanted to learn more, and I got really interested.
我想听更多，想了解更多，而且我真的很感兴趣。
The curiosity phase.
好奇阶段。
Yeah.
是的。
And also the sort of gathering information.
还有那种收集信息的方式。
You're like, "Who is this person and are they as good as they seem?" Yeah, so you go through that.
你会想，“这个人是谁？他们真像看上去那么好吗？”是的，所以你要经历这个。
And then you commit.
然后你就承诺了。
Then you sign up.
然后你就报名了。
I'm a full-time staffer now.
我现在是一名全职员工。
So I actually left my job, and I gave stuff up, and I threw myself into this thing.
所以我实际上辞掉了工作，放弃了一切，全身心投入到这件事中。
And then you see where it goes.
然后你就会看到它的去向。
This kind of political falling in love, is there a difference for you in the Bradley campaign from the way that it felt with Clinton?
这种政治上的恋爱，对你来说在布拉德利竞选中和在克林顿竞选中的感觉有什么不同吗？
Well, yeah, there's a few differences.
嗯，是的，有一些差异。
With Clinton, if it was a political falling in love, it was my first time out.
和克林顿在一起，如果这是一场政治恋爱，那是我第一次。
And the first time you fall in love, you fall hard, and then you usually, I guess, end up feeling disillusioned or disheartened.
当你第一次坠入爱河时，你会深深地坠入爱河，然后你通常会感到幻灭或沮丧。
Or your expectations are too high, and then reality sets in.
或者你的期望太高，然后现实就来了。
And with Bradley, I'm a little bit older, I'm a little bit wiser.
和布拉德利在一起，我变得更老了一点，也更聪明了一点。
And he doesn't-- well, the truth is, he doesn't work it, I guess is the right term.
但他没有——好吧，事实是，他没有做到这一点，我想这是正确的说法。
You felt that there was a feeling on the Clinton campaign that everybody should be sort of starry eyed about him.
你觉得克林顿竞选团队有一种感觉，每个人都应该对他抱有幻想。
And Bradley's charming in this different way.
布拉德利以这种不同的方式迷人。
There's a jazzier, high-school kind of first falling in love that maybe Clinton was for me.
有一种更爵士的、高中时代的初恋，也许克林顿适合我。
And Bradley feels much more serious and much more mature.
布拉德利感觉更加严肃和成熟。
Well, you know that idea that when you get into a new relationship, that it's a reaction to the relationship before--
嗯，你知道这个想法，当你进入一段新的关系时，这是对之前关系的反应——
Yeah.
是的。
Ira Glass --so, like, the opposite person of the one who you just were with?
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）——所以，就像是刚刚和你在一起的那个人的对面？
Right.
正确的。
Pendulum.
摆。
Pendulum swinging, you're talking about.
你说的是钟摆摆动。
Yeah, is that true for you in this case?
是的，在这种情况下，你的情况也是如此吗？
Let's think about that.
让我们考虑一下。
I guess with Bradley, I have liked it that one of his themes is that he's telling you what he really thinks.
我想对于布拉德利来说，我喜欢他的主题之一就是他告诉你他的真实想法。
I think partly, with Clinton, what was hard for everybody is that you kind of got the sense that there were a lot of political considerations behind what he did and what he said.
我认为，对于克林顿来说，对每个人来说困难的部分在于，你感觉到他的所作所为背后有很多政治考虑。
And with Bradley, it feels more pure.
而有了布拉德利，感觉更加纯粹。
And I have to say, I feel like both of us are approaching this conversation rather tentatively because you have a real job in politics.
我不得不说，我觉得我们俩都在相当试探性地进行这次对话，因为你们在政治领域有一份真正的工作。
And so, to talk about the emotional component behind it, it feels a little like, is this is right to talk about?
所以，谈论它背后的情感成分，感觉有点像，这样谈论合适吗？
Though I have to say, if you think about people working in politics, if they don't have a feeling behind the work they're doing, if they aren't idealistic at some level-- if you think about people who aren't, your heart sinks.
但我不得不说，如果你想想从事政治工作的人，如果他们对自己所做的工作没有感情，如果他们在某种程度上不理想主义——如果你想想那些没有理想主义的人，你的心就会下沉。
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
You want to believe that the people who are working with candidates and working in politics are doing it because they believe in something.
你要相信那些与候选人合作并从事政治工作的人之所以这样做是因为他们相信某些东西。
I think a lot of my friends who I did the '92 campaign with actually-- everybody wants it to happen again, because it's a positive-- it's a good feeling.
我想我的很多朋友都和我一起参加了92年的竞选活动——每个人都希望它再次发生，因为这是积极的——这是一种很好的感觉。
You get sucked back in, and it takes over your life.
你又被吸进去了，它接管了你的生活。
And you start caring maybe a little too much.
你开始关心得可能有点太多了。
And you do have to be careful about it, because you have to be working for somebody who's going to be responsible with your time and your affections and your commitment, I guess.
我想，你必须要小心，因为你必须为一个对你的时间、你的感情和你的承诺负责的人工作。
And I guess I feel like Bradley, he does do that as a candidate.
我想我感觉就像布拉德利，他作为候选人确实这样做了。
And if you talk about it as a political falling in love, a relationship, and you're looking as you get older, you look for different things.
如果你把它当作政治上的坠入爱河、一段关系，随着年龄的增长，你会寻找不同的东西。
You're looking for balance, and you don't want quite as much of a Clinton-esque roller coaster, I guess.
我猜你正在寻找平衡，并且你不想要克林顿式的过山车。
One of the things, when you have a real crush, or you're really falling in love with a person in a real setting, is that you want to talk about them all the time.
其中一件事是，当你真正迷恋一个人，或者你在现实环境中真正爱上一个人时，你就会想一直谈论他们。
And thinking about this kind of political falling in love, you're in a situation where you get to talk about him all the time.
想想这种政治恋爱，你就处于一种可以一直谈论他的境地。
It's perfect.
太完美了。
Julia Rothwax When I'm actually falling in love with a real person in my real life, I don't go around and gush.
朱莉娅·罗斯瓦克斯 当我在现实生活中真正爱上一个真实的人时，我不会到处滔滔不绝。
But with a candidate, it's something to share, so that's what's nice about the gushing about it, is because you do want to tell people.
但对于候选人来说，这是值得分享的事情，所以这就是滔滔不绝的好处，因为你确实想告诉人们。
Because you've discovered something that's great.
因为你发现了一些很棒的东西。
But they can have it too.
但他们也可以拥有它。
That's what's different about political falling in love.
这就是政治恋爱的不同之处。
Anybody could sign up and sign on and help us win this election.
任何人都可以注册并加入并帮助我们赢得这次选举。
Julia Rothwax is a press secretary for the Bill Bradley campaign in New York.
朱莉娅·罗斯瓦克斯 (Julia Rothwax) 是比尔·布拉德利 (Bill Bradley) 纽约竞选团队的新闻秘书。
[MUSIC--"WEDDING BELL BLUES" BY FIFTH DIMENSION]
[音乐--第五维度的“婚礼钟声蓝调”]
Act Three, On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning.
第三幕，在一个美丽的四月早晨见到百分百完美的女孩。
We close our show today with this story, with as pure a depiction of unadulterated crush feeling as possibly can be imagined, from Haruki Murakami.
我们以这个故事结束今天的节目，村上春树尽可能纯粹地描述了纯粹的暗恋感觉。
It's read for us by actor Matt Malloy.
演员马特·马洛伊为我们朗读。
One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.
四月一个美丽的早晨，在东京时尚的春宿区一条狭窄的小街上，我走过了这位百分百完美的女孩。
Tell you the truth, she's not that good looking.
说实话，她长得并不好看。
She doesn't stand out in any way.
她在任何方面都不突出。
Her clothes are nothing special.
她的衣服没什么特别的。
The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep.
她的后脑勺的头发仍然因睡梦而弯曲。
She isn't young either-- must be near 30, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking.
她也不年轻了——应该快30岁了，严格意义上连“女孩”都称不上。
But still, I know from 50 yards away she's the 100% perfect girl for me.
但尽管如此，我从 50 码外就知道她对我来说是 100% 完美的女孩。
The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.
当我看到她的那一刻，我的胸口一阵轰鸣，我的嘴像沙漠一样干燥。
Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl-- one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers.
也许你有自己特别喜欢的女孩类型——比如说，一个有纤细脚踝的女孩，或者一个大眼睛，或者一个优雅的手指。
Or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal.
或者你无缘无故地被每顿饭都从容不迫的女孩所吸引。
I have my own preferences, of course.
当然，我有自己的喜好。
Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at a girl at the table next to mine because I like the shape of her nose.
有时在餐馆里，我会发现自己盯着邻桌的一个女孩，因为我喜欢她鼻子的形状。
But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived notion.
但没有人能坚持认为他的 100% 完美女孩符合某种先入为主的观念。
As much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers, or even if she had one.
尽管我很喜欢鼻子，但我不记得她的鼻子的形状，甚至不记得她是否有鼻子。
All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty.
我唯一能确定的是，她并不是一个大美人。
It's weird.
很奇怪。
She's walking east to west and I west to east.
她从东向西走，我从西向东走。
It's a really nice April morning.
这真是一个美好的四月早晨。
Wish I could talk to her.
希望我能和她说话。
Half an hour would be plenty.
半小时就够了。
Just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and, what I'd really like to do, explain to her the complexities of fate that led to our passing each other on a side street in Harujuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981.
只要问她关于她自己的事，告诉她关于我自己的事，我真正想做的就是向她解释命运的复杂性，导致我们在 1981 年一个美丽的四月早晨在春宿的一条小街上相遇。
This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets.
这里面肯定充满了温暖的秘密。
It's like an antique clock built when peace filled the world.
它就像世界和平时建造的古董钟。
After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere.
聊完之后，我们就找个地方吃午饭。
Maybe see a Woody Allen movie.
也许看一部伍迪·艾伦的电影。
Stop by a hotel bar for cocktails.
前往酒店酒吧享用鸡尾酒。
With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.
如果运气好的话，我们最终可能会躺在床上。
Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.
潜力敲响了我的心门。
Now the distance between us has narrowed to 15 yards.
现在我们之间的距离已经缩小到15码。
How can I approach her?
我怎样才能接近她？
What should I say?
我应该说什么？
"Good morning, miss.
“早上好，小姐。
Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"
你觉得可以抽出半个小时聊聊吗？”
Ridiculous.
荒谬的。
I'd sound like an insurance salesman.
我听起来像个保险推销员。
"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there's an all-night cleaner in the neighborhood?"
“请问，您是否知道附近是否有通宵清洁工？”
No, this is just as ridiculous.
不，这同样荒谬。
I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing.
一方面，我没有带任何要洗的衣服。
Who's going to buy a line like that?
谁会买这样的线路？
Maybe the simple truth would do.
也许简单的事实就可以了。
"Good morning.
“早上好。
You are the 100% perfect girl for me."
你对我来说是百分百完美的女孩。”
No, she wouldn't believe it.
不，她不会相信。
Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me.
或者即使她这样做了，她也可能不想和我说话。
Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% perfect boy for me.
抱歉，她可能会说，我可能是你心目中100%完美的女孩，但你却不是我心目中100%完美的男孩。
It could happen.
这可能会发生。
And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces.
如果我发现自己处于那种情况，我可能会崩溃。
I'd never recover from the shock.
我永远无法从震惊中恢复过来。
I'm 32, and that's what growing older is all about.
我已经32岁了，这就是变老的意义所在。
We pass in front of a flower shop.
我们经过一家花店门前。
A small, warm air mass touches my skin.
一股温暖的小气团接触到我的皮肤。
The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses.
柏油路潮湿，我闻到了玫瑰的香味。
I can't bring myself to speak to her.
我无法让自己和她说话。
She wears a white sweater.
她穿着一件白色毛衣。
and in her right hand she holds a crisp, white envelope lacking only a stamp.
她右手拿着一个干净的白色信封，只贴了一张邮票。
So, she's written somebody a letter.
所以，她给某人写了一封信。
Maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes.
从她睡眼惺忪的眼神来看，也许是写了一整晚。
The envelope could carry every secret she's ever had.
信封里可以装着她曾经拥有的每一个秘密。
I take a few more strides and turn.
我又迈了几步然后转身。
She's lost in the crowd.
她迷失在人群中。
Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her.
当然，现在我清楚地知道我应该对她说什么。
It would've been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly.
不过，这将是一篇很长的演讲，对我来说太长了，无法正确地表达它。
The ideas I come up with are never very practical.
我提出的想法从来都不是很实用。
It would have started, once upon a time, and ended, a sad story, don't you think?
从前，这会是一个悲伤的故事，你不觉得吗？
Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl.
从前，有一个男孩和一个女孩。
The boy was 18 and the girl 16.
男孩18岁，女孩16岁。
He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful.
他算不上特别英俊，她也算不上特别漂亮。
They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others.
他们只是一个普通的孤独男孩和一个普通的孤独女孩，就像其他人一样。
But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world, there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them.
但他们全心全意地相信，在世界的某个地方，对他们来说，住着100%完美的男孩和100%完美的女孩。
Yes, they believed in a miracle, and that miracle actually happened.
是的，他们相信奇迹，而奇迹确实发生了。
One day, they came upon each other on the corner of a street.
有一天，他们在街角相遇。
"This is amazing," he said.
“这太棒了，”他说。
"I've been looking for you all my life.
“我一生都在寻找你。
You may not believe this, but you are the 100% perfect girl for me."
你可能不相信，但你对我来说是百分百完美的女孩。”
"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I pictured you in every detail.
“而你，”她对他说，“对我来说是百分百完美的男孩，就像我想象中的你一样。
It's like a dream."
这就像一个梦。”
They sat on a park bench, held hands and told each other their stories hour after hour.
他们坐在公园的长椅上，手牵着手，一小时又一小时地互相讲述自己的故事。
They were not lonely anymore.
他们不再孤独了。
They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other.
他们已经找到了100%完美的对方，也被对方找到了。
What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other.
找到100%完美的对方并被对方发现是多么美妙的事情啊。
It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.
这是一个奇迹，一个宇宙奇迹。
As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny, sliver of doubt took root in their hearts.
然而，当他们坐下来交谈时，心里却生起了一丝小小的、一丝丝的怀疑。
Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?
梦想真的那么容易实现吗？
And so, when there came a momentary lull in the conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves just once.
因此，当谈话暂时平静时，男孩对女孩说：“让我们测试一下自己吧。
If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail.
如果我们真的是彼此百分百完美的恋人，那么某个时候、某个地方，我们一定会再次相遇。
And when that happens, we will know the we are the 100% perfect ones.
当这种情况发生时，我们就会知道我们是100%完美的人。
We'll marry then and there.
我们会在那里结婚。
What do you think?"
你觉得怎么样？”
"Yes," she said.
“是的，”她说。
"That is exactly what we should do."
“这正是我们应该做的。”
And so they parted, she to the east and he to the west.
于是他们分开了，她向东，他向西。
The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary.
然而，他们商定的测试完全没有必要。
They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met.
他们根本就不应该这么做，因为他们确实是彼此百分百完美的恋人，而他们的相遇真是一个奇迹。
But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were.
但他们不可能知道这一点，因为他们还年轻。
The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.
命运冰冷、冷漠的浪潮继续无情地抛掷着他们。
One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible influenza.
一个冬天，男孩和女孩都感染了该季节可怕的流感。
And after drifting for weeks between life and death, they lost all memory of their earlier years.
在生与死之间漂泊数周后，他们失去了早年的所有记忆。
When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D.H.
当他们醒来时，他们的头脑就像年轻的 D.H. 一样空虚。
Lawrence's piggy bank.
劳伦斯的存钱罐。
They were two bright, determined young people, however.
然而，他们是两个聪明、坚定的年轻人。
And through their unremitting efforts, they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society.
通过不懈的努力，他们再次获得了重新成为社会正式成员的知识和感情。
Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were capable of sending special delivery letters at the post office.
值得赞扬的是，他们成为真正正直的公民，知道如何从一条地铁线换乘另一条地铁线，能够在邮局寄特快专递信件。
Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.
确实，他们甚至再次经历了爱情，有时高达75%甚至85%的爱。
Time passed with shocking swiftness.
时间过得快得惊人。
Soon, the boy was 32, the girl 30.
很快，男孩就32岁了，女孩也30岁了。
One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special delivery letter, was walking from east to west, both along the same narrow street in the Harujuku neighborhood of Tokyo.
一个美丽的四月早晨，为了寻找一杯咖啡来开始新的一天，男孩从西向东走，而女孩则从东向西走，打算寄一封特快专递信，两者都沿着东京春宿区同一条狭窄的街道。
They passed each other in the very center of the street.
他们在街道的正中央擦身而过。
The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts.
他们失去的记忆的最微弱的光芒在他们心中闪现出最短暂的瞬间。
Each felt a rumbling in the chest, and they knew.
每个人都感到胸口隆隆作响，他们知道。
But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of 14 years earlier.
但他们的记忆光芒太弱了，思绪也不再像十四年前那样清晰。
Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd forever.
两人一言不发，擦肩而过，永远消失在人群中。
A sad story, don't you think?
这是一个悲伤的故事，你不觉得吗？
Yes.
是的。
That's it.
就是这样。
That's what I should've said to her.
这就是我应该对她说的话。
Haruki Murakami's short story is in his collection of stories, The Elephant Vanishes .
村上春树的短篇小说收录在他的故事集《大象消失》中。
Our reader, Matt Malloy, can be seen in the films Cookie's Fortune , In the Company of Men, Election , and so many more.
我们的读者马特·马洛伊 (Matt Malloy) 曾出现在电影《饼干的财富》、《与男人为伴》、《选举》等影片中。
Well, our program was produced today by Julie Snyder and myself with Alex Blumberg, Susan Burton, and Blue Chevigny.
嗯，我们今天的节目是由朱莉·斯奈德和我与亚历克斯·布隆伯格、苏珊·伯顿和布鲁·切维尼共同制作的。
Production help from Todd Bachmann and [?
托德·巴赫曼 (Todd Bachmann) 和 [?
Erik Hoversten.
埃里克·霍弗斯滕。
?]
？]
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
[致谢]《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督。
What does it mean that he greets me every day with,
他每天跟我打招呼是什么意思
Good morning.
早上好。
You are the 100% perfect girl for me.
你对我来说是百分百完美的女孩。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life .
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。