149: Bedside Diplomacy - This American Life
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00:00 00:00 Transcript Share This American Life Life Partners How to Listen Episodes Recommended About Overview Staff Announcements Fellowships Jobs Music Make Radio On The Road FAQ Submissions Merch Contact Us Our Other Shows Merch Follow Us Life Partners Subscribe to our newsletter Full episode Toggle Audio and Transcript Sync Transcript | Episode #149 | February 15, 2002 149: Bedside Diplomacy Note: This American Life is produced for the ear and designed to be heard.
00:00 00:00 文字记录 分享此 美国生活 生活伙伴 如何收听 剧集 推荐 关于 概述 员工公告 奖学金 工作 音乐 在路上制作电台 常见问题解答 提交 商品 联系我们 我们的其他节目 商品 关注我们 生活伙伴 订阅我们的时事通讯 整集 切换音频和文字记录同步 文字记录 | 内容第 149 集 | 2002 年 2 月 15 日 149：床边外交 注：《美国生活》是为耳朵而制作的，旨在让人们听到。
If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page.
如果可以的话，我们强烈建议您收听音频，其中包括页面上没有的情感和重点。
Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
文字记录是使用语音识别软件和人工转录员结合生成的，可能包含错误。
Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
请在印刷版引用前检查相应的音频。
Prologue Ira Glass Robert had a friend whose mother was a feared and powerful judge in New York City.
序言 艾拉·格拉斯·罗伯特有一个朋友，他的母亲是纽约市一位令人畏惧、有权有势的法官。
And at some point, she got sick and had to go into the hospital.
在某个时候，她生病了，不得不住进医院。
Surrounded by doctors kind of shuttling in at a teaching hospital, this old lady kind of looks up from her pillow and she says, do you know the sweetest words in the English language?
周围都是穿梭于教学医院的医生，这位老太太从枕头上抬起头来，她说，你知道英语中最甜蜜的单词吗？
Not being English majors, all these doctors kind of shook their heads.
由于不是英语专业，所有这些医生都摇了摇头。
And she said the sweetest words are "don't be afraid, I'm a doctor." And after that, there was nothing that she couldn't get in that hospital.
她说最甜蜜的话是“别害怕，我是医生。”从此以后，那家医院就没有她买不到的东西了。
How smart.
多么聪明啊。
Robert Lipsyte Yeah, how smart.
罗伯特·利普赛特 是的，多么聪明。
In the hospital, we give up our normal schedule and sleep patterns.
在医院里，我们放弃了正常的作息时间和睡眠模式。
We give up our normal food and clothing.
我们放弃正常的食物和衣服。
We're in a place that has its own rules and its own language and its own customs.
我们所处的地方有自己的规则、语言和习俗。
We're not exactly helpless, but often we're not far from it.
我们并非完全无助，但往往离它并不远。
And in the midst of all this, there is this delicate human interaction which we have to negotiate.
在这一切之中，我们必须协商这种微妙的人际互动。
And it's one on which our lives, our actual lives, can depend.
我们的生活、我们的实际生活可以依赖它。
We have to deal with doctors and nurses, and all sorts of other staff.
我们必须与医生、护士以及各种其他工作人员打交道。
We have to get what we need from them, in a situation where they have all the power and knowledge, and they may not be as concerned with our care as we are ourselves.
我们必须从他们那里得到我们需要的东西，在他们拥有所有权力和知识的情况下，他们可能不像我们自己那样关心我们的护理。
Robert Lipsyte wrote all about this in his book, In the Country of Illness.
罗伯特·利普赛特在他的书《在疾病之国》中写下了所有这些内容。
When he got chemotherapy, he says, it meant dealing with a lot of different people in the hospital.
他说，当他接受化疗时，这意味着要在医院里与很多不同的人打交道。
People who check you in, people who weighed you, took your blood pressure, gave you a finger stick because there would have to be a little blood test.
为你办理登机手续的人、为你称重、量血压的人、给你进行指尖采血的人，因为必须进行一些血液检查。
And there would be these little interactions with all the people, which always seemed really important.
与所有人进行一些小小的互动，这似乎总是非常重要。
They could hurt you, more or less, depending on the mood.
他们可能会或多或少地伤害你，这取决于你的心情。
Certainly, they could keep you waiting long or less.
当然，他们可能会让您等待很长时间或更少。
And it was almost kind of a ritualistic dance to see how you would really deal with them.
这几乎是一种仪式性的舞蹈，看看你将如何真正处理它们。
Some liked to be joked with, some didn't.
有些人喜欢被人开玩笑，有些人则不喜欢。
Anatole Broyard wrote wonderfully about the need to seduce your doctor, to make medical personnel interested in you.
阿纳托尔·布罗亚德（Anatole Broyard）精彩地讲述了如何吸引你的医生，让医务人员对你感兴趣。
In the hospital, we're reduced to the tactics that people have always used throughout human history when they have no power.
在医院里，我们只能采用人类历史上人们在没有权力时一直使用的策略。
We yell and scream, hoping that they'll give us what we want, just to shut us up if nothing else.
我们大喊大叫，希望他们能给我们我们想要的东西，只是为了让我们闭嘴。
Or we act like supplicants, beggars before the medici, all sweetness and goodwill.
或者我们表现得像恳求者，医生面前的乞丐，充满甜蜜和善意。
Well, today on our program, diplomacy does not just happen at Camp David and in Geneva and at the UN.
嗯，今天在我们的节目中，外交不仅仅发生在戴维营、日内瓦和联合国。
Some of the most delicate and charged diplomatic negotiations happen every day over matters of life and death at your local neighborhood hospital, as patients try to get what they want, and staff tries to do what they think is best.
当地社区医院每天都会发生一些最微妙、最紧张的外交谈判，讨论生死攸关的问题，患者试图得到他们想要的东西，而工作人员则试图做他们认为最好的事情。
Act One of our program today, Is That Your Final Answer?, the story of a family in a hospital and why dressing well might get you better medical care.
我们今天的节目第一幕“这是你的最终答案吗？”，讲述了一家人在医院的故事，以及为什么穿得好可以让你得到更好的医疗护理。
Act Two, The Other Nursing Staff, in which reporter Nancy Updike answers this question, do Rosie O'Donnell and Jerry Springer have healing powers?
第二幕《其他护理人员》中，记者南希·厄普代克回答了这个问题：罗西·奥唐纳和杰瑞·斯普林格有治愈能力吗？
Act Three, Fire and Ice Cream, a 14-year-old boy tries to figure out what it means when his nurse asks him out for dessert.
第三幕，火与冰淇淋，一名 14 岁的男孩试图弄清楚当他的护士请他出去吃甜点时这意味着什么。
Act Four, Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places, the story of what happens when a patient violates one of the most basic rules of what to do in a hospital over and over again, and survives, for a while anyway.
第四幕，在所有错误的地方寻找爱，讲述了当一名病人一次又一次违反医院最基本的规则之一时所发生的故事，并且无论如何都活了一段时间。
Stay with us.
留在我们身边。
Act One, Is That Your Final Answer?
第一幕，这是你的最终答案吗？
When Terry Shine's father was in hospital, bleeding in his brain, Terry and his four brothers rushed into action.
当特里·夏恩的父亲因脑出血住院时，特里和他的四个兄弟立即采取了行动。
Of course, as anybody who's ever been in this kind of situation knows, action mostly just means sitting around the hospital room trying to figure out what might possibly help things, which is made all the more difficult by the fact that figuring out what might help first requires learning the language and customs of the average American hospital, which Terry Shine's family diligently tried to do.
当然，任何经历过这种情况的人都知道，采取行动主要意味着坐在病房周围试图弄清楚什么可能会有所帮助，而要弄清楚什么可能会有所帮助首先需要学习普通美国医院的语言和习俗，而这变得更加困难，而特里·夏因的家人正在努力做到这一点。
Nothing's changed.
什么都没有改变。
He just lies there.
他只是躺在那里。
Everything's changed.
一切都变了。
No one goes to work.
没有人去上班。
No one goes to the store.
没有人去商店。
No one makes any plans other than to be at our father's bedside.
除了陪伴在父亲的床边之外，没有人制定任何计划。
We've become hospital rats.
我们变成了医院里的老鼠。
By day two, we know where the best soda machine is.
到第二天，我们就知道最好的汽水机在哪里。
It has Fresca.
它有弗雷斯卡。
By day three, we're no longer using the pay phone, but making free calls from deep inside nursing station B2.
到了第三天，我们不再使用公用电话，而是从 B2 护理站深处拨打免费电话。
By day four, we know who the good nurses are.
到了第四天，我们就知道谁是好护士了。
They're so much smarter here in ICU.
他们在 ICU 里聪明多了。
In the bed, here comes that bitch.
床上，那个贱人来了。
By day five, Bill somehow knows what kind of car every doctor drives.
到第五天，比尔不知何故知道每个医生开什么样的车。
The neurosurgeon has an STS Cadillac Seville.
神经外科医生有一辆 STS 凯迪拉克塞维利亚。
The cardiologist, the classic Corvette, The internist, the GMC Yukon.
心脏病专家，经典科尔维特，内科医生，GMC Yukon。
But I think it's his wife's, Bill says.
但我认为这是他妻子的，比尔说。
He's got an eye for that kind of thing.
他对这类事情很有眼光。
By day six, we know the orderly's hobbies.
到了第六天，我们就知道了勤务兵的爱好。
Gerard flies those radio-controlled airplanes, the big ones.
杰拉德驾驶那些无线电遥控飞机，大型飞机。
But we know no more about my father's condition.
但我们对我父亲的病情一无所知。
After the surgery, it was all about the swelling going down.
手术后，一切都是关于肿胀消退。
The brain has been through two surgeries within a week, the doctor said.
医生说，大脑在一周内经历了两次手术。
Once the swelling goes down, we'll see where we're at.
一旦肿胀消退，我们就会看到我们现在的情况。
Well, the swelling must have gone down by now, but we don't see a thing.
好吧，现在肿胀肯定已经消退了，但我们什么也没看到。
Bill has been personalizing the room, bringing in photos and hanging up an article from a Valley Stream, New York newspaper that recently chronicled my father's feats during World War II.
比尔一直在对房间进行个性化装饰，带来了照片，并挂上了纽约山谷溪流报纸上的一篇文章，该文章最近记录了我父亲在第二次世界大战期间的功绩。
There's a photo of 24-year-old Daniel Lawrence Shine in a cool, fur-colored bomber jacket.
有一张 24 岁的丹尼尔·劳伦斯·希恩 (Daniel Lawrence Shine) 穿着酷炫的毛皮色飞行员夹克的照片。
Bill has marked details in the story with a yellow highlighter.
比尔用黄色荧光笔标记了故事中的细节。
I want the photos by his headboard so the army of medical workers taking blood every hour and constantly needling him for tests can see he's not just a gown and limbs.
我想要他床头板上的照片，这样每小时抽血并不断对他进行针刺检查的医务人员大军就能看到他不仅仅是一件长袍和四肢。
He's a person who stood next to a Christmas tree two weeks ago in a Pebble Beach golf sweater with grandchildren wrapped around his legs.
两周前，他穿着圆石滩高尔夫毛衣站在圣诞树旁，腿上缠着孙子。
But my brothers think the pictures should be on the far wall, in his line of sight, so they will be immediately visible when he becomes coherent.
但我的兄弟们认为这些画应该放在远处的墙上，在他的视线范围内，这样当他变得连贯时，它们就会立即可见。
They win.
他们赢了。
We've had a breakdown in communication with hospital personnel this past week.
上周我们与医院工作人员的沟通出现了问题。
And I believe I've nailed down the reason.
我相信我已经确定了原因。
It's fashion.
这是时尚。
That's what it's come to now.
这就是现在的情况。
Something tells me that the nurses will start giving us respect.
我感觉护士们会开始尊重我们。
The doctors will start returning our calls.
医生将开始回复我们的电话。
The lady in the gift shop will stop following us to see what we're doing behind that rack of Beanie Babies.
礼品店里的那位女士将不再跟着我们，看看我们在那架豆豆宝宝后面做什么。
All this will happen if we step up our appearance.
如果我们加强我们的外表，这一切都会发生。
We're a motley crew, and the shorts and Pete's Wicked Ale T-shirts, and Danny always wearing that stupid Fanny pack with his sweat pants are not helping.
我们是一群杂七杂八的人，短裤和皮特的 Wicked Ale T 恤，以及总是在运动裤上穿着那个愚蠢的腰包的丹尼都没有帮助。
We've been dressing like emergency room people.
我们穿得像急诊室的人。
The family of citizens who have cut their hands at barbecues or get in freak car accidents on the way home from the beach and have to show up in flip-flops and half-shirts, these poor people are caught with their pants down, but we have no excuse.
那些在烧烤时割伤手的公民家庭，或者在从海滩回家的路上遭遇怪异车祸，不得不穿着人字拖和半身衬衫出现的公民家庭，这些可怜的人被脱下裤子抓住，但我们没有任何借口。
We have days and days to plan our wardrobe.
我们有很多天来规划我们的衣柜。
We have to start dressing like intensive care people, I tell my wife.
我告诉我的妻子，我们必须开始穿得像重症监护室的人一样。
I'm certain that the doctors and the nurses will be much more attentive of my father's needs if we only put a little more effort into our appearance.
我确信，只要我们在外表上多花点功夫，医生和护士就会更加关注我父亲的需求。
I can hear a nurse now.
我现在能听到护士的声音。
I know, I just checked on Mr. Shine, but I'm going to check on him again.
我知道，我刚刚查看了 Shine 先生的情况，但我要再次查看他的情况。
Those boys of his are so well-groomed
他的那些男孩们打扮得真好
So today, I am meticulously laying out my best clothes, running my thumb and forefinger along the sharp creases in my trousers, spray starching my withered collars.
所以今天，我小心翼翼地摆好我最好的衣服，用拇指和食指沿着裤子上尖锐的折痕抚摸，用喷雾给枯萎的衣领上浆。
Maybe we should get a second opinion, Bill said yesterday, questioning the diagnosis so far.
比尔昨天对迄今为止的诊断提出了质疑，他说，也许我们应该听取第二意见。
We haven't got a first opinion yet, I told him.
我告诉他，我们还没有得到第一意见。
Nobody's talking to us anymore.
没有人再和我们说话了。
Peter has a million questions about the blood thinner, Coumadin.
彼得对血液稀释剂香豆素有一百万个问题。
He's adamant that the doctor should never have prescribed it for my father's heart condition to begin with.
他坚持认为医生一开始就不应该为我父亲的心脏病开这种药。
From what he's heard, it could have been the cause of the excessive bleeding.
据他所知，这可能是失血过多的原因。
I looked it up on the computer, and you can't eat salad when you're on it, he says.
“我在电脑上查了一下，沙拉是不能吃的，”他说。
What kind of medication doesn't allow you to eat salad?
哪种药物不允许吃沙拉？
Dad loved salad, I say.
我说，爸爸喜欢沙拉。
I want some answers, he says.
我想要一些答案，他说。
One doctor up here told me he would never prescribe it for his heart patients.
这里的一位医生告诉我，他永远不会给他的心脏病患者开这种药。
He says something as simple as stopping short in your car can cause bleeding in the brain when you're on that stuff.
他说，像在车里短暂停车这样简单的事情，当你吃这些东西时，就会导致大脑出血。
Someone has to give us some answers.
必须有人给我们一些答案。
But we keep getting passed up and down the chain of command.
但我们不断地在指挥链中上下传递。
No one explained the fact that one doctor becomes the primary on the case and coordinates all procedures until after we call half a dozen of the doctors listed on his charts.
没有人解释这样一个事实：一名医生成为该病例的主要负责人并协调所有程序，直到我们给他的图表上列出的六名医生打电话后。
Not that any of them called us back to tell us that.
并不是他们中的任何人给我们回电话告诉我们这一点。
We had to hear it from a college kid in the snack bar who was recuperating from a street hockey accident.
我们不得不从小吃店里的一个大学生那里听到这句话，他正在从一场街头曲棍球事故中恢复过来。
The primary, he said, that's the guy you've got to get to.
他说，主要的人就是你必须去找的人。
Once he put us on the right trail, the nurse told us that we had to talk to our father's cardiologist.
一旦他把我们引向正确的道路，护士就告诉我们必须和父亲的心脏病专家谈谈。
But it's his brain that-- He's the primary, she said.
但他的大脑——他是主要的，她说。
But the cardiologist has yet to return our phone calls.
但心脏病专家尚未回复我们的电话。
Not that we're sitting by the phone anyway.
无论如何，我们并不是坐在电话旁。
When I get to his room, the nurse tells me the doctor was just in.
当我到达他的房间时，护士告诉我医生刚刚进来。
Which one?
哪一个？
I ask.
我问。
Oh, I haven't seen him before, she says.
哦，我以前没见过他，她说。
This is how it works.
这就是它的工作原理。
No matter when you're in the room, the doctor has just been there.
无论您何时在房间里，医生都会在那里。
We decide the one thing that would probably make us feel better on a day like this would be if we stop respecting doctors.
我们决定，在这样的一天，如果我们不再尊重医生，可能会让我们感觉好一点的一件事。
We won't call them doctor anymore.
我们不会再称他们为医生了。
We'll leave off the title and only call them by their last names, I say.
我说，我们将省略头衔，只称呼他们的姓氏。
They hate that.
他们讨厌那样。
As the day drags on, we reach a point where not calling doctors doctor doesn't seem extreme enough.
随着日子一天天过去，我们已经到了这样一个地步：不称医生为医生似乎还不够极端。
We should start calling them by their first name.
我们应该开始直呼他们的名字。
That'll get 'em, Bill says.
比尔说，那会得到他们的。
But how are we going to find out their first names?
但我们如何才能找到他们的名字呢？
Well, Bill says, we'll just call them all Jim.
好吧，比尔说，我们就叫他们吉姆吧。
The physician who's been the primary case, the one who's supposed to coordinate all the others and keep the family up to date, finally phones us to tell me he's putting another doctor in charge of my father because, well, I'm not as knowledgeable about the neurological stuff, he says.
作为主要病例的医生，负责协调所有其他人并让家人了解最新情况的医生，最后打电话给我们，告诉我他正在安排另一位医生负责我父亲的治疗，因为，嗯，我对神经学方面的知识不太了解，他说。
He schedules a meeting for this evening.
他安排了今晚的会议。
You'll meet Dr. Bozeki in the conference room near the ICU, he says.
他说，您将在 ICU 附近的会议室见到 Bozeki 医生。
She'll take care of everything from here on out.
从现在开始，她会处理好一切。
I wonder what her first name is.
我想知道她的名字是什么。
The conference room turns out to be the nurses' break room, and they're just getting ready to have a platter of neatly rolled cold cuts and cake for a staffer's birthday.
会议室原来是护士休息室，他们正准备为一名员工的生日准备一盘整齐卷好的冷盘和蛋糕。
All this for us?
这一切都是为了我们？
Danny says.
丹尼说。
Dr. Bozeki, who looks like an actress playing a doctor, very ER, can't be more than 27, but she still has the power to get her party moved down the hall with a mere "please move it." She asks us to stand around the garbage can by the phone because my brother Pete in New York is being patched in on the speaker phone.
博泽基医生看起来像一个扮演医生的女演员，非常急诊室，她不可能超过 27 岁，但她仍然有能力让她的聚会在大厅里移动，只需一句“请移动它”。她让我们站在垃圾桶旁边的电话旁，因为我在纽约的兄弟皮特正在接听免提电话。
"Hello," Pete says.
“你好，”皮特说。
The doctor starts talking quickly.
医生开始快速说话。
I don't know your father.
我不认识你父亲。
I saw some pictures in there.
我看到里面有一些照片。
War hero, whatever.
战争英雄，无论如何。
But anyway, you have to start thinking about his quality of life from this point on.
但无论如何，从现在开始你就要开始考虑他的生活质量了。
"Did your father ever talk about death with any of you?
“你们的父亲有没有和你们谈论过死亡？
Did the subject come up in conversation," she says.
这个话题是否在谈话中出现过？”她说。
Each of the questions is landing with a thud, like mangoes from a tree.
每个问题都轰然落地，就像芒果从树上落下来一样。
We are not yet aware that this subject will come up in every conversation we have from this point on, but right now it seems to soon.
我们还不知道从现在开始我们的每次谈话都会提到这个话题，但现在看来很快就会出现。
We were in shock.
我们很震惊。
"You still there, Peter," the doctor asks.
“你还在那儿，彼得，”医生问道。
Peter's still there.
彼得还在那儿。
All our days till now have been spend waiting for the swelling to go down so we'll have him back.
到目前为止，我们一直在等待肿胀消退，这样我们就能让他回来。
We know he's still in there.
我们知道他还在里面。
We've seen glimpses of the real him in a squeeze of a hand, a hint of expression, a fleeting moment of eye contact.
我们在握紧的手、一丝表情、短暂的目光接触中看到了真实的他。
The nurses aren't seeing those things, Dr. Bozeki says.
博泽基博士说，护士们看不到这些东西。
A couple of nurses boisterously fling open the door and then go speechless as they gaze upon us all standing around the garbage can talking about death.
几个护士大声地推开门，然后看着我们所有人站在垃圾桶周围谈论死亡，他们哑口无言。
The party moved, I say.
我说，聚会搬家了。
Anyway, the doctor continues, it's time for you to decide this.
无论如何，医生继续说道，现在是你做出决定的时候了。
If your father's heart stops, do we restart it?
如果你父亲的心脏停止跳动，我们要重新启动它吗？
The consensus of all us doctors is not to.
我们所有医生的共识是不这样做。
Our consensus is to.
我们的共识是。
The doctor also has one of my father's nurses, a good one, on hand for support.
医生还有我父亲的一位护士，一位很好的护士，随时为他提供支持。
And she asks her to step forward.
她请她向前走。
You shouldn't restart it, the nurse says.
护士说，你不应该重新启动它。
She steps backward.
她向后退了一步。
We don't know what to say.
我们不知道该说什么。
Up until now, the biggest decision most of us have made in our lives is whether to buy or lease.
到目前为止，我们大多数人一生中做出的最大决定是购买还是租赁。
Our minds are reeling.
我们的心在晕眩。
How much recovery time is a person allowed?
一个人允许多长时间的恢复时间？
I ask.
我问。
It depends, she answers.
她回答说，这要看情况。
Would not restarting his heart include withholding sustenance and water?
重启他的心脏难道不包括停止进食和饮水吗？
Bill says.
比尔说。
Has your father talked to you about this?
你父亲跟你谈过这件事吗？
Bozeki asks pointedly.
博泽基尖锐地问道。
Bill says yeah but doesn't give her any more detail.
比尔说是的，但没有给她更多细节。
He wants to know more about how much progress they actually think my father could make.
他想更多地了解他们认为我父亲实际上可以取得多少进步。
Would he be able to watch TV?
他能看电视吗？
Yes.
是的。
There's more to life than watching TV, the doctor says.
医生说，生活不仅仅是看电视。
We all look at one another.
我们都面面相觑。
It is times like this when I know my brothers and I are truly related.
正是在这样的时刻，我才知道我和我的兄弟们是真正有血缘关系的。
God, I wish I had a sister.
天哪，我希望我有一个妹妹。
So you're saying he'll be able to watch TV, Danny says.
“所以你是说他可以看电视了，”丹尼说。
The doctor sees she's getting nowhere, tells us to sleep on it and quickly exits, probably in a hurry to get to the party.
医生发现她毫无进展，让我们睡一觉，然后很快就离开了，可能是急着去参加聚会。
Peter, are you still there?
彼得，你还在吗？
the nurse asks.
护士问道。
Peter's still there.
彼得还在那儿。
OK, we're going to hang up on you now, the nurse says.
好的，我们现在要挂断电话了，护士说。
OK, Peter says.
好吧，彼得说。
His legs are kicking and his arms are flailing, and this is no seizure.
他的腿在踢，手臂在挥舞，这并不是癫痫发作。
After the doomsday talk from Bozeki, while the rest of us were whining, Bill has spent hours with Dad, barking directly into his ear, telling him he had to put on a show or the doctors were going to give up on him.
博泽基的世界末日演讲结束后，当我们其他人都在抱怨时，比尔和爸爸呆了几个小时，直接对着他的耳边吠叫，告诉他必须上演一场表演，否则医生就会放弃他。
And something must have clicked, because today he's dancing.
肯定有什么事情发生了，因为今天他正在跳舞。
We brought in some of his CDs.
我们带来了他的一些CD。
Louis and Ella are on the boombox, and his toe is tapping.
路易斯和埃拉在音箱上，他的脚趾在敲击。
[MUSIC - "A FINE ROMANCE" BY ELLA FITZGERALD AND LOUIS ARMSTRONG]
[音乐 - 艾拉·菲茨杰拉德和路易斯·阿姆斯特朗创作的《美好浪漫》]
We are impressed, but the nurses aren't.
我们很感动，但护士们却没有。
They look at us like, yeah, that's OK if you want someone who's just going to tap his toe for the rest of his life.
他们看着我们，好像在说，是的，如果你想要一个在余生中只用脚趾轻拍的人，那没关系。
They want to see more than instinctive movement and the following of commands.
他们想要看到的不仅仅是本能的动作和对命令的遵循。
They want to see communication.
他们希望看到沟通。
Dad, can you respond to a question by holding up one finger for yes and two for no?
爸爸，你能用一根手指表示“是”，伸出两根手指表示“否”来回答问题吗？
Bill says.
比尔说。
Nothing.
没有什么。
But we keep working, trying different things.
但我们继续努力，尝试不同的事情。
I tickle his feet, but Danny scolds me.
我挠他的脚，但丹尼责骂我。
You don't tickle a man's feet when he's in this condition.
当一个人处于这种状态时，你不能去挠他的脚。
New family rule.
新的家庭规则。
We're to do everything in our power to bring him back around, but we draw the line at tickling.
我们要尽一切努力让他苏醒，但我们不能止于挠痒痒。
Our brother, Pete, bursts into the room.
我们的兄弟皮特冲进房间。
There's no door to swing open or even a curtain to throw aside, but he always oozes adrenalin and his stocky Beretta build pushes you aside.
没有可以打开的门，甚至没有可以扔到一边的窗帘，但他总是会让人肾上腺素激增，而他那矮胖的伯莱塔身材会把你推到一边。
He's come directly from the airport and he's desperately charged up.
他是直接从机场赶来的，他拼命地充电。
Dad, it's me, Pete.
爸爸，是我，皮特。
Nod if you can hear me.
如果你能听到我的话就点点头。
He nods.
他点点头。
We jump in the air.
我们在空中跳跃。
How could we not think of the nod?
我们怎么可能想不到点头呢？
How come you didn't think of the nod?
你怎么没想到点头呢？
I punch Danny.
我打丹尼。
Why do we have to fly a guy in from New York to come up with the nod?
为什么我们必须让一个人从纽约飞来才能点头？
Shouldn't the doctors have thought of the nod?
难道医生不应该想到点头吗？
Danny says.
丹尼说。
Believe me, we're not high-five people, but we're high-fiving.
相信我，我们不是击掌的人，但我们是击掌的。
For me, it's a first.
对我来说，这是第一次。
You're not good at it, Danny says.
你不擅长，丹尼说。
I've got a copy of the living will in my pocket, but there's no need for it now.
我口袋里有一份生前遗嘱副本，但现在不需要了。
If they want to know if he wants his heart restarted, they can ask him.
如果他们想知道他是否希望心脏重新启动，他们可以问他。
We've got his attention.
我们引起了他的注意。
If anyone can pull through this, you can, Dad, Bill says.
比尔说，如果有人能渡过难关，你也能，爸爸。
We run into the hallway and drag a nurse in.
我们跑进走廊，把一名护士拖了进来。
Ask him a question, Peter demands.
彼得要求，问他一个问题。
She asks, he nods yes.
她问，他点头是的。
He shakes no.
他摇摇头说不。
So what are you going to tell the doctors if they ask you if he's able to communicate?
那么，如果医生问你他是否能够沟通，你会告诉他们什么呢？
Peter corners her.
彼得把她逼到角落。
What are you going to say?
你要说什么？
She nods yes.
她点头称是。
Yes, victory.
是的，胜利。
We have communication.
我们有沟通。
We have confirmation.
我们有确认。
We have progress.
我们有进步。
We're progress in motion.
我们正在行动中取得进展。
We've got all four corners of his bed covered.
我们已经把他床的四个角都盖住了。
We don't know how long this window of coherency is going to last, so we're frantically asking yes and no questions and manipulating his arms and legs.
我们不知道这种一致性的窗口会持续多久，所以我们疯狂地问是和否的问题，并操纵他的手臂和腿。
He's shuffling his legs around like he's restless and he wants to get up and walk.
他拖着双腿，好像焦躁不安，想要站起来走路。
I take my hands and apply pressure to the soles of his feet, and he starts pumping his legs.
我握住双手，对他的脚底施加压力，他开始蹬腿。
His knees are up and he's wildly peddling against my hands.
他的膝盖抬起来，疯狂地靠在我的手上。
Yeah, this is OK, if you want someone who's just going to ride a bike around for the rest of his life, I howl.
是的，这没关系，如果你想要一个一辈子都骑自行车的人，我会嚎叫。
I ask him for the thumbs up, he delivers.
我请他竖起大拇指，他答应了。
Applause breaks out.
掌声响起。
The nurse catches the erect thumb out of the corner of her eye and gives us a sort of pitiful grin.
护士用眼角的余光抓住了竖起的拇指，对我们露出可怜兮兮的笑容。
Yeah, that's OK, if you want someone who's just going to give you the thumbs up for the rest of his life.
是的，如果你想要一个终生对你竖起大拇指的人，那没关系。
She's the rain pouring through our open window, but we're not going to let her bring it all down.
她是从我们打开的窗户倾泻而下的雨水，但我们不会让她把一切都击垮。
Our blue eyes are clear.
我们的蓝眼睛是清澈的。
I love you, Dad, Pete says.
我爱你，爸爸，皮特说。
I can't believe we didn't think of the nod, Danny says.
“我不敢相信我们没有想到点头，”丹尼说。
We're coming from opposite ends of the hospital parking lot.
我们来自医院停车场的两端。
We've got newspapers tucked under our arms.
我们腋下夹着报纸。
We both have big plans today.
今天我们都有宏伟的计划。
I'm going to turn that corner of the hospital room and Dad's going to be feeling good enough to sit up, and I'm going to read him current events.
I'm going to turn that corner of the hospital room and Dad's going to be feeling good enough to sit up, and I'm going to read him current events.
The prime is down and John Glenn's going up.
巅峰期已过，约翰·格伦正在崛起。
Bill has bigger plans.
比尔有更大的计划。
I brought his reading glasses, he says, so he can read the paper himself.
他说，我带了他的老花镜，这样他就可以自己看报纸了。
We're only a couple of days away from the thumbs up, but he's a million miles away.
我们距离竖起大拇指只有几天的时间，但他却距离我们一百万英里。
There'll be no reaching him today.
今天不会联系到他了。
For the first time, I not only feel sorry for my father, but I feel sorry for us.
我第一次不仅为父亲感到难过，也为我们感到难过。
We are standing on opposite sides of the bed, our papers in hand, and we do look pitiful.
我们手拿文件站在床的两侧，看上去确实很可怜。
It's just what the nurses had been saying.
这正是护士们所说的。
My father lying there motionless, us incessantly, relentlessly trying to get a rise, a trick out of him like he's a show pony.
我父亲一动不动地躺在那里，我们不断地、不懈地试图让他站起来，让他像一匹表演小马一样耍花招。
Maybe all he needs is some peace.
也许他需要的只是一些平静。
I wonder if our one great day with Louis and Ella wasn't quite the glorious lift toward the plateau we'd been hoping for, but more of a gift, a chance for us to openly profess our love and for him to give us the nod of acceptance.
I wonder if our one great day with Louis and Ella wasn't quite the glorious lift toward the plateau we'd been hoping for, but more of a gift, a chance for us to openly profess our love and for him to give us the nod of acceptance.
You know, when he was responding with hand signals and whatnot, I had asked Bozeki if we could hold up the living will and ask him for a yes or no. She said, absolutely not.
You know, when he was responding with hand signals and whatnot, I had asked Bozeki if we could hold up the living will and ask him for a yes or no.她说，绝对不是。
I scoffed at her at the time, but I realize now how any man at this point, lying there clamped down like a trapped animal with burning medicine chasing the pain through his veins, any man in that condition is going to want desperately to fight to the end.
I scoffed at her at the time, but I realize now how any man at this point, lying there clamped down like a trapped animal with burning medicine chasing the pain through his veins, any man in that condition is going to want desperately to fight to the end.
Just as they say the soul is the last thing to leave the body, mental confidence must be the first thing to flee in a situation such as this, not only for him, but for all of us, I'm afraid.
Just as they say the soul is the last thing to leave the body, mental confidence must be the first thing to flee in a situation such as this, not only for him, but for all of us, I'm afraid.
We're like a crazed animal.
我们就像一只发疯的动物。
At this point, the only thing his body has left to offer is instinct and insanity.
此时，他的身体所能提供的，就只剩下本能和疯狂了。
And it's become so hard to trust our judgment, because I wonder if we are not on the same course.
相信我们的判断变得如此困难，因为我想知道我们是否不在同一条道路上。
The pulmonary doctor, a young guy who looks sort of like a QVC fitness guru, charges in and gives us a little pep talk, tells us to keep it up.
肺部医生是一位看起来有点像 QVC 健身大师的年轻人，他冲进来给我们打气，告诉我们要坚持下去。
Don't worry about what the nurses think.
不用担心护士的想法。
He responds to you guys.
他回应你们。
You've got to keep working it, he says.
他说，你必须继续努力。
He's fiddling with the end of his stethoscope, as if any second he's going to put it to his lips, blow it like a whistle, and my father's going to shoot out of the starting blocks.
He's fiddling with the end of his stethoscope, as if any second he's going to put it to his lips, blow it like a whistle, and my father's going to shoot out of the starting blocks.
Before you know it, he'll be ready for aggressive rehab, he says.
他说，在你意识到之前，他就会准备好进行积极的康复。
Just keep it up, up, up.
只要坚持下去，坚持下去，坚持下去。
You're making a difference.
你正在发挥作用。
As soon as he leaves the room, Bill says, Mitsubishi 3000GT, black.
比尔一离开房间，就说：三菱 3000GT，黑色。
I mentioned to one of the nurses that we really like that doctor.
我向一位护士提到我们真的很喜欢那位医生。
And she explains to me in her own convoluted way that the personable doctors are the bad doctors.
她以她自己复杂的方式向我解释说，风度翩翩的医生都是坏医生。
And the ones with no personality are the ones you'd actually want operating on you.
而那些没有个性的人正是你真正想要对你进行手术的人。
Well, in that case, I think we've got some of the best in the business.
嗯，在这种情况下，我认为我们拥有业内最优秀的一些人才。
Terry Shine.
特里·希恩.
This is an excerpt from his book, Fathers Aren't Supposed to Die.
这是他的书《父亲不该死》的摘录。
[MUSIC - "TOMMY GETS HIS TONSILS OUT" BY THE REPLACEMENTS]
[音乐-“汤米通过更换而取出了他的扁桃体”]
Act Two, The Other Nursing Staff.
第二幕，其他护理人员。
It seemed to us that no radio program about caregivers in a hospital could be complete without a few words about the caregiver that is the most omnipresent, in every room, 24/7, in the waiting rooms, at the nurses station a lot of times.
在我们看来，关于医院护理人员的广播节目如果没有关于护理人员的几句话就不完整，因为护理人员是最无处不在的，24/7，在每个房间，在候诊室，在护士站很多次。
I'm talking, of course, about television.
当然，我说的是电视。
To investigate its power in a medical facility, reporter Nancy Updike went to the most television-friendly hospital imaginable, the one that actual television stars go to when they get sick, Cedar Sinai in Los Angeles.
为了调查其在医疗机构中的作用，记者南希·厄普代克来到了洛杉矶的锡达西奈医院，这是可以想象到的对电视最友好的医院，真正的电视明星生病时都会去的医院。
After staying at Cedar Sinai and seeing the quality of what was on the tube there, Milton Berle and Johnny Carson both donated old shows of theirs to broadcast in-house.
米尔顿·伯利 (Milton Berle) 和约翰尼·卡森 (Johnny Carson) 在雪松西奈 (Cedar Sinai) 停留并了解了那里的电视节目质量后，都捐赠了他们的旧节目在内部播放。
Here's Nancy's report.
这是南希的报告。
This is how a lot of people feel about watching television in the hospital.
这就是很多人在医院看电视的感受。
I should be a much better person and I should've tried to improve my mind while I'm here, but I just don't have the patience for it.
我应该成为一个更好的人，当我在这里的时候，我应该努力提高我的思想，但我就是没有耐心。
So I slip into the degradation of this crap television.
于是我就陷入了这个垃圾电视的堕落之中。
I would like to think that I'm the kind of person that could just turn it off and that it wouldn't affect me.
我想我是那种可以把它关掉的人，它不会影响我。
Do you know this is what alcoholics say?
你知道酗酒者是这么说的吗？
[LAUGHTER] Nancy Updike Oh, I could quit any time.
[笑声] 南希·厄普代克 哦，我可以随时退出。
But when I think about it, if I couldn't watch TV, I'm not, you know-- I don't know, I think that maybe I would go a little nuts.
但当我想到这一点时，如果我不能看电视，我不会，你知道，我不知道，我想也许我会有点疯狂。
These are two of the patients I talked to at Cedar Sinai.
这是我在西达西奈半岛采访过的两名患者。
The guy is Jay Mason, a 74-year-old with a nasty scar running from just under his adam's apple all the way down his chest.
这个人叫杰伊·梅森 (Jay Mason)，74 岁，身上有一道难看的伤疤，从喉结下方一直延伸到胸部。
He's had a lot of heart surgery.
他做过很多次心脏手术。
The woman is LeShaun Smith, who's been lying in the same uncomfortable position for almost a month.
这名女子名叫勒肖恩·史密斯(LeShaun Smith)，她已经以同样不舒服的姿势躺了近一个月了。
She's 31 and having her first baby, and she has to stay in bed with her whole body angled head downwards so that her water doesn't break too soon.
她今年 31 岁，生了第一个孩子，她必须躺在床上，整个身体低着头，这样羊水就不会破得太快。
She'll stay in that position until the baby's born.
她会一直保持这个姿势，直到孩子出生。
She has three months to go.
她还有三个月的时间。
And to begin our discussion, let's start here, in this very hospital.
为了开始我们的讨论，让我们从这里开始，就在这家医院。
So OK, even if you've never actually been a patient in a hospital, you kind of already know what it's like, right?
好吧，即使您从未真正当过医院的病人，您也已经知道那是什么感觉了，对吧？
You know, people going in and out of your room, looking at you and peeking at you, wondering what's wrong with you.
你知道，人们进出你的房间，看着你，偷看你，想知道你出了什么问题。
They wake me up early to do vital signs and stuff, and I try to go back to sleep.
他们很早就叫醒我检查生命体征之类的事情，然后我试着回去睡觉。
I mean, we're talking, like, 5:30.
我的意思是，我们正在谈论，比如 5:30。
The day goes very, very, very laboriously.
日子过得非常非常非常辛苦。
You know, having people to have to do everything for you, and not being able to do things for yourself.
你知道，让人必须为你做一切事情，而你自己却无法做事。
You know, you live for the day you get outta here.
你知道，你活着就是为了离开这里的那一天。
So let's summarize.
那么我们来总结一下。
You're sick, you're lonely, but also completely without privacy.
你生病了，你很孤独，但也完全没有隐私。
You're exhausted, helpless, and you are so, so, so bored.
你筋疲力尽，无助，你是如此，如此，如此无聊。
The culture of the hospital is divided into one group of people that is rushing around from the moment they walk in the door in the morning until the second they leave at night, and another group that is just languishing, numb.
医院的文化分为一类人，从早上进门到晚上离开的那一刻都在忙碌，另一类人则萎靡不振、麻木不仁。
And you and I are probably going to be in that second group, right?
你和我可能会属于第二组，对吧？
So we comfort ourselves.
所以我们安慰自己。
And we're not too choosy about how.
我们对于如何做并不太挑剔。
7:00 in the morning, watch the news.
早上7:00，看新闻。
Then I watch Sally Jesse.
然后我看莎莉·杰西。
One night stands become booty-calls, next Ricky.
一夜情变成了战利品，下一个是瑞奇。
I just watch crap here.
我只在这里看垃圾
And like anything, a cooking show, a--
就像任何事情一样，烹饪节目，一个——
Steve Harvey, Moesha, The Parkers, Malcolm & Eddie.
史蒂夫·哈维、莫莎、帕克斯、马尔科姆和埃迪。
I love seeing black people on televisions.
我喜欢在电视上看到黑人。
Channel 2, Young and the Restless.
第二频道，年轻与不安。
And then Channel 7, All My Children.
然后是第七频道《我所有的孩子》。
Then Channel 4, Days of Our Lives.
然后是第四频道《我们的日子》。
So you're just as bad as Sasha here.
所以你和萨莎一样糟糕。
you slept with your best friend's man.
你和你最好朋友的男人睡过。
It's almost as provocative in America to say that television has therapeutic value as it is to say that smoking pot does.
在美国，说电视有治疗价值几乎和说吸大麻有治疗价值一样具有挑衅性。
We associate both with wayward teenagers, wasting their lives and rotting their brains, engaging in insidious activities like hanging out and chilling.
我们将两者与任性的青少年联系在一起，浪费他们的生命，腐烂他们的大脑，从事阴险的活动，比如闲逛和放松。
But TV is so important to the patients at Cedar Sinai that the woman who runs the video department there has been paged at home, on weekends and at night, by irate patients complaining about missing a ballgame or a movie because of some technical problem or programming change.
但电视对锡达西奈医院的患者来说非常重要，以至于周末和晚上，负责视频部门的女士在家中都会收到愤怒的患者的传呼，抱怨由于某些技术问题或节目更改而错过了一场球赛或电影。
One patient I talked to had even been so desperate to amuse herself that she hunkered down one day and became the world's leading expert on--
我采访过的一位病人甚至非常渴望自娱自乐，以至于有一天她蹲了下来，成为了世界领先的专家——
Weekend at Bernie's .
在伯尼家过周末。
I think I must have saw it, like, four times on Saturday, because I couldn't find anything else on there that I wanted to watch.
我想我周六肯定已经看过四次了，因为我找不到其他我想看的东西。
Talk about making lemonade from lemons.
谈论用柠檬制作柠檬水。
What is this except the mind tenderly saying to the body, listen, don't you worry about me for a while, I'll take care of myself, you just focus on getting better?
这除了心灵温柔地对身体说，听着，你不用担心我一会儿，我会照顾好自己，你只专注于变得更好，这是什么？
This is the life-changing lesson hospitals have to offer-- TV is good for you.
这是医院必须提供的改变生活的教训——电视对你有好处。
This is unbelievable.
这太令人难以置信了。
Can you imagine people before used to lay in hospital beds for days and weeks on end, and just stared at this wall, and sometimes turned their head sideways and looked at that wall?
你能想象人们过去常常在医院的病床上连续躺上几天、几周，只是盯着这堵墙，有时把头转向一边看那堵墙吗？
That's horrendous.
太可怕了。
But my god, you've got to-- you know, you can turn loose a little bit of fantasy.
但天啊，你必须——你知道，你可以释放一点幻想。
And if it's junk, what the hell's the difference?
如果是垃圾，那又有什么区别呢？
It's junk, so who cares?
都是垃圾，谁在乎呢？
At least it's killing time.
至少这是消磨时间。
I guess I'm sort of arguing that, in that sense, it's not junk.
我想我是在争论，从这个意义上说，它不是垃圾。
Well, I think that you're right.
嗯，我认为你是对的。
In that sense, it is not junk.
从这个意义上说，它不是垃圾。
It fills my lonely hours and kind of gets me through the day.
它填补了我孤独的时光，让我度过了一天。
And that's a good thing.
这是一件好事。
Outside the hospital, people call TV crap, because it's an anesthetic.
在医院外，人们称电视为垃圾，因为它是一种麻醉剂。
Watching hours and hours of TV makes us feel spoiled, self-indulgent, numb.
长时间看电视会让我们感到被宠坏、自我放纵、麻木。
But so what?
但那又怎样呢？
I mean, think about it.
我的意思是，想一想。
Novocaine and morphine make you feel numb, too, and no one's calling them crap.
奴佛卡因和吗啡也会让你感到麻木，但没有人说它们是垃圾。
Nancy Updike in Los Angeles.
南希·厄普代克在洛杉矶。
Coming up, an argument that Medicare payments should cover trips to pick up Ben and Jerry's, and somebody who actually liked staying in the hospital, liked it so much that it got her in trouble.
接下来，有人争论说医疗保险应该支付去接本和杰瑞的费用，而一个真正喜欢呆在医院的人非常喜欢它，这让她陷入了麻烦。
That's all in a minute, from Public Radio International, when our program continues.
当我们的节目继续时，这就是国际公共广播电台的全部内容。
It's This American Life.
这就是美国生活。
I'm Ira Glass.
我是艾拉·格拉斯。
Each week on our program, of course, we choose a theme, bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme.
当然，每周我们的节目都会选择一个主题，为您带来有关该主题的各种不同类型的故事。
Today's program, Hospital Diplomacy, stories of the delicate and sometimes less-than-delicate interaction of patients and hospital staff in a setting where lives are at stake.
今天的节目《医院外交》讲述了在生命受到威胁的情况下患者和医院工作人员之间微妙、有时不那么微妙的互动的故事。
We have arrived at Act Three of our show.
我们已经到了节目的第三幕了。
Act Three, Fire and Ice Cream.
第三幕，火与冰淇淋。
This is a story about how patients and medical staff actually can get along just fine, but how when that happens, it can still leave everybody involved scratching their heads with unanswered questions.
这是一个关于患者和医务人员实际上如何相处得很好的故事，但当这种情况发生时，它仍然会让每个参与其中的人摸不着头脑，留下悬而未决的问题。
About a decade ago, when Brent Runyon was 14, he was burned badly enough that he ended up in Children's National Medical Center's burn unit in Washington, DC.
大约十年前，布伦特·鲁尼恩 (Brent Runyon) 14 岁，他被严重烧伤，最终住进了华盛顿特区儿童国家医疗中心的烧伤科。
Burns covered 85% of his body.
全身85%的面积都被烧伤。
He put together this story about it with the help of radio producer, Jay Allison.
他在广播制作人杰·艾利森的帮助下整理了这个故事。
During the first weeks in the burn unit, pain blurred from my ones like airhorns at a high school football game.
在烧伤科的头几周，我的疼痛变得模糊，就像高中橄榄球比赛中的汽笛声一样。
I hated my body, my nerves, my brain.
我讨厌我的身体、我的神经、我的大脑。
I wanted them all to just shut up.
我希望他们都闭嘴。
There were only a few times I wasn't in pain.
只有几次我不感到疼痛。
Once before burn therapy, Tina, my nurse, pushed morphine straight into my bloodstream instead of dripping it through the IV.
有一次，在烧伤治疗之前，我的护士蒂娜将吗啡直接推入我的血液中，而不是通过静脉滴注。
I asked her to push it.
我让她推一下。
I begged her to let me feel it all at once, to blow out my mind like an overexposed photograph, and she did.
我恳求她让我立刻感受到这一切，让我像一张曝光过度的照片一样让我的思想爆炸，她做到了。
For 30 seconds, I couldn't feel my body.
有30秒的时间，我感觉不到自己的身体。
My vision was whitewashed, and I understood why someone would want to be an addict.
我的愿景被粉饰了，我明白为什么有人想成为瘾君子。
When I could talk again, I mumbled, why don't they sell this stuff on the streets?
当我能再次说话时，我咕哝道，为什么他们不在街上卖这些东西呢？
They could make a fortune.
他们可以发大财。
Tina unwrapped my bandages, exposing my legs to the air.
蒂娜解开我的绷带，将我的腿暴露在空气中。
I looked down.
我低头一看。
They didn't look like legs at all.
它们看起来根本不像腿。
They were skinny and useless, so many shades of purple they didn't even look real.
它们又瘦又没用，紫色的深浅太多，看起来根本不真实。
I saw the massive wound, as big as a mailbox on my left thigh, where the fire had burned all the way through to the muscle.
我看到左大腿上有一个邮箱那么大的伤口，火已经烧到了肌肉。
Tina saw me looking, leaned over and whispered what she always said, it's OK.
蒂娜看到我在看，便靠过来低声说了她常说的话：“没关系。”
It's going to get better.
一切都会好起来的。
The redness means that it's healing.
发红意味着它正在愈合。
I closed my eyes and braced myself for what was coming next.
我闭上眼睛，为接下来发生的事情做好准备。
She would begin by cleaning each open wound on my feet, working up to my thighs, and then she would turn me on my stomach to clean the holes on my back.
她首先会清理我脚上的每一个开放性伤口，一直到大腿，然后她会让我翻身趴着，清理我背上的洞。
The pain roared from my legs as she cleaned the first wound.
当她清理第一个伤口时，我的双腿传来阵阵疼痛。
Tina explained that my body was healing, and that healing was one of the most painful things a body could do.
蒂娜解释说，我的身体正在康复，而康复是身体所能做的最痛苦的事情之一。
She said that pain meant I was getting better.
她说疼痛意味着我正在好转。
It didn't feel like I was getting better.
感觉我并没有好转。
My skin was tissue paper, and she was tearing at it with steel wool.
我的皮肤是薄纸，她用钢丝绒撕扯它。
She told me that if it hurt too much, that I should scream as loud as I could.
她告诉我，如果太痛，我应该尽可能大声地尖叫。
And at first, I didn't want to.
起初，我不想。
I thought it would be rude or disruptive, and that I could just close my mind to the pain if I tried.
我认为这会很粗鲁或具有破坏性，而且如果我尝试的话，我就可以不去理会痛苦。
But she said that I should scream, and that would let some of the pain out.
但她说我应该尖叫，这样可以减轻一些痛苦。
And so she cleaned every wound three times, I screamed, and it became a kind of Waltz, with Tina counting her swipes aloud, and me screaming, 1, 2, 3, scream.
所以她把每个伤口都清理了三遍，我尖叫起来，这就变成了一种华尔兹，蒂娜大声数着她的划痕，我尖叫着，1、2、3，尖叫。
1, 2, 3, scream.
1、2、3，尖叫。
After she covered me in gauze and Ace bandages, my body was shivering.
当她给我裹上纱布和艾斯绷带后，我的身体开始发抖。
I was exhausted, crying a little bit, trying not to think about how I'd have to do it all over again in eight hours.
我精疲力尽，有点哭了，努力不去想八小时后我必须重新做这一切。
Tina stood at the head of my bed, her thick black curls spiraled toward my face.
蒂娜站在我的床头，她浓密的黑色卷发盘旋在我的脸上。
Brent, she said, do you like ice cream?
布伦特，她说，你喜欢冰淇淋吗？
It seemed like a silly question, since I was still getting fed through a tube in my nose.
这似乎是一个愚蠢的问题，因为我仍然通过鼻子里的管子喂食。
When you get that nose tube out, when you can walk again, I'm going to take you to the best ice cream shop in DC.
当你拔掉鼻管，当你能再次行走时，我会带你去华盛顿最好的冰淇淋店。
It had been weeks since I'd eaten anything, and I hadn't even thought about ice cream.
我已经好几个星期没有吃过任何东西了，我什至没有想到过冰淇淋。
I couldn't believe it.
我简直不敢相信。
Tina and I would go out for ice cream when I could walk.
当我可以走路的时候，蒂娜和我会出去吃冰淇淋。
We would go on a date.
我们会去约会。
It was eight weeks later, and it was going to be my first time outside the burn unit.
八周后，这将是我第一次离开烧伤科。
Most of the pain had gone and been replaced by the itch.
大部分疼痛已经消失，取而代之的是瘙痒。
Anyone who's ever had a burn can tell you that the itch comes after the pain, and that it's sometimes worse because it's constant.
任何曾经被烧伤过的人都会告诉你，疼痛之后会出现瘙痒，而且有时会更严重，因为疼痛是持续的。
It made me feel like the skin on my body didn't belong to me, as if it had been stripped away in my sleep and replaced with raw wool.
这让我感觉身上的皮肤不属于我，仿佛在睡梦中被剥去，取而代之的是原毛。
I prepared for hours for my date with Tina.
我为与蒂娜的约会准备了几个小时。
My mom and another nurse named Barbara picked out the loosest, least-irritating clothing, and they helped me into a pair of baggy athletic pants and a Hard Rock Cafe London T-shirt that my mom said looked really cool.
我妈妈和另一位名叫芭芭拉的护士挑选了最宽松、最不刺激的衣服，他们帮我穿上了一条宽松的运动裤和一件我妈妈说看起来非常酷的伦敦硬石咖啡馆 T 恤。
They discussed whether I should wear the pressure bandage that masked part of my face.
他们讨论我是否应该佩戴遮住部分脸部的压力绷带。
And then Barbara slipped the chin strap over my head and Velcroed it behind my neck.
然后芭芭拉把下巴带套在我头上，用尼龙搭扣粘在我脖子后面。
She put a purple Los Angeles Lakers cap on me to cover part of the bandage.
她给我戴了一顶紫色的洛杉矶湖人队帽子，遮盖了部分绷带。
They both said that I looked handsome.
他们都说我长得很帅。
I didn't look in a mirror.
我没有照镜子。
Finally, Tina came to pick me up for our date.
最后，蒂娜来接我去约会。
She had taken off her scrubs and put on a loose white sweater.
她脱下了手术服，穿上了一件宽松的白色毛衣。
Her functional shoes were replaced with green All Stars, and she was wearing shorts.
她的功能鞋换成了绿色全明星鞋，她穿着短裤。
I'd never seen her in shorts before.
我以前从没见过她穿短裤。
She looked so relaxed, not like a nurse at all.
她看起来很轻松，一点也不像护士。
She smiled at me from the doorway.
她在门口对我微笑。
As a burn nurse in a children's hospital, Tina rarely had patients that she could talk to.
作为儿童医院的烧伤护士，蒂娜很少有可以交谈的病人。
Most of the kids she took care of were two-year-olds, kids that could walk well enough to pull boiling water down from the stove, but couldn't understand that it wasn't her fault that they were in pain.
她照顾的大多数孩子都是两岁的孩子，这些孩子可以很好地行走，可以从炉子里拉开水，但不明白他们的痛苦不是她的错。
Those kids hated her for hurting them.
那些孩子们恨她伤害了他们。
They panicked every time she came near them.
每当她靠近他们时，他们都会惊慌失措。
But I knew that the pain wasn't her fault.
但我知道痛苦不是她的错。
I talked to her, and we made each other laugh.
我和她说话，我们互相逗笑。
Could a 26-year-old burn nurse be interested in her 14-year-old patient?
一名 26 岁的烧伤护士会对她 14 岁的病人感兴趣吗？
I was in love with Tina, and I was sure that she was at least a little bit in love with me, too.
我爱上了蒂娜，我确信她也至少有一点点爱我。
Why else would she take me out on a date?
不然她为什么要带我出去约会？
And she had called it a date.
她称之为约会。
Why else would she wear shorts, or green shoes, a clear sign to a 14-year-old boy that says, go, go, go?
否则她为什么会穿短裤或绿鞋，这对一个 14 岁的男孩来说是一个明确的信号：走，走，走？
We waited for the elevator next to a hospital directory sign, and I decided to make my first joke.
我们在医院目录牌旁边等电梯，我决定讲我的第一个笑话。
I cleared my throat and said, spina bifida, that sounds like some sort of Greek food.
我清了清嗓子，说，脊柱裂，听起来像某种希腊食物。
Tina made a face and said, you wouldn't say that if you knew what it was.
蒂娜做了个鬼脸说，如果你知道那是什么，你就不会这么说了。
The elevator doors opened.
电梯门打开了。
Walking out of the hospital with Tina made me feel like I was on a real date, although I had never been on a date before.
和蒂娜一起走出医院让我感觉像是在一次真正的约会，尽管我以前从未约会过。
Something about being on my own feet, walking into the fresh air, the afternoon sunlight, a woman next to me, a woman who had, I reminded myself, already seen me naked.
关于我自己站起来，走进新鲜空气，午后阳光，我旁边有一个女人，我提醒自己，这个女人已经看到我赤身裸体了。
But by the time we got the car, I was exhausted.
但当我们拿到车时，我已经筋疲力尽了。
Sweating from the few remaining pores in my forehead and armpits, the itch which had been mercifully quiet during the first few minutes of our date started buzzing in my legs.
我的额头和腋窝上仅存的毛孔出汗，在我们约会的最初几分钟里幸运地平静下来的瘙痒开始在我的腿上嗡嗡作响。
Tina must have noticed that I was uncomfortable, because she put the back of her hand-- no rubber glove, her actual hand-- against my forehead, and wiped the beading sweat away.
蒂娜一定注意到了我的不舒服，因为她把手背——不是橡胶手套，而是她真正的手——抵在我的额头上，擦掉了珠子般的汗水。
What did that mean?
那是什么意思？
I wondered to myself.
我心想。
Tina parked about a block away from the ice cream place she'd been telling me about, got out of the car and rushed around to my side to open the door.
蒂娜把车停在距离她告诉我的冰淇淋店大约一个街区的地方，下了车，冲到我身边打开门。
That's sweet, I thought.
真甜蜜，我想。
I wish I had done that for her.
我希望我为她做到了这一点。
She helped me on to my feet, and we began walking towards the ice cream place.
她帮助我站起来，我们开始朝冰淇淋店走去。
You OK?
你还好吗？
she asked.
她问道。
Sure, I said.
当然，我说。
You?
你？
I was trying to ignore the itch that had spread up my legs and into my back.
我试图忽略从腿部蔓延到背部的瘙痒。
I was walking.
我正在走路。
That was the important thing.
这是最重要的事情。
And I was on a date.
我正在约会。
Inside, the cool air dried the sweat on my forehead, and I began to feel more confident.
进去后，凉爽的空气吹干了我额头上的汗水，我开始变得更加自信了。
I let out a sigh of relief just to let her know that the worst was over, and that we would start to have fun any second.
我松了一口气，只是为了让她知道最糟糕的事情已经过去了，我们随时都会开始享受乐趣。
We stood in line behind a few senior citizens that were deciding between pistachio and butter pecan.
我们站在几位老年人后面，他们正在开心果和黄油山核桃之间做出选择。
I smiled at her and rolled my eyes a little as if to say, can you believe these old people?
我对她笑了笑，翻了个白眼，好像在说，你能相信这些老人吗？
They're so slow.
他们太慢了。
And she smiled back.
她也微笑着回应。
This is working, I thought.
我想，这很有效。
This is really working.
这确实有效。
It was then that I saw the ice cream guy checking Tina out from behind the counter.
就在那时，我看到卖冰淇淋的人在柜台后面检查蒂娜。
He was college-aged, handsome.
他已经上大学了，长得很帅。
I knew what he was thinking.
我知道他在想什么。
We stepped up to the counter and I prepared myself for the flirting.
我们走到柜台前，我做好了调情的准备。
And then he looked at me, and a smile dropped into an expression of mock pain as he said, ouch, what happened to you?
然后他看着我，微笑变成了假装痛苦的表情，他说，哎哟，你怎么了？
As soon as he said it, I felt the blood pool in my legs and the itch throb all over my body.
他这话一出，我就感觉双腿鲜血直流，浑身痒痒的。
I backed up a little, stepped away from the counter.
我后退了一点，离开了柜台。
I looked down at my feet.
我低头看着自己的脚。
I put my hands in my pockets.
我把手插进口袋里。
I didn't want to talk to him anymore.
我不想再和他说话了。
I didn't want to say anything.
我什么也不想说。
Tina finally broke the spell and asked me what kind of ice cream I wanted.
蒂娜终于打破了魔咒，问我想要哪种冰淇淋。
It was all I could do to mumble, chocolate.
我只能咕哝着，巧克力。
My head still cast downward, studying the tile patterns, I asked her if we could eat it in the car on the way back to the hospital.
我的头仍然低着，研究着瓷砖的图案，我问她我们是否可以在回医院的路上在车上吃。
And she said that we could.
她说我们可以。
On the way home, I reached up and touched the long purple scar on my cheek.
回家的路上，我伸手摸了摸脸颊上那道长长的紫色伤疤。
I pinched the edge and blanched it white between my fingers.
我捏住边缘，用手指把它烫白。
The scar was numb on my cheek, lifeless and hard, like a wad of gum under a school desk.
我脸颊上的伤疤麻木了，毫无生气，又坚硬，就像课桌下的一团口香糖。
Thanks to ice cream guy, I realized that redness didn't mean I was healing anymore.
感谢冰淇淋小哥，我意识到发红并不意味着我已经痊愈了。
It meant that I was disfigured.
这意味着我毁容了。
I understood that I wasn't going to get much better.
我明白我的情况不会好转多少。
Despite all the reassuring things Tina had said to me in the burn unit, this was it.
尽管蒂娜在烧伤科对我说了很多令人安心的话，但事情就是这样了。
Ice cream boy saw me for what I was, scarred.
冰淇淋男孩看到了我的本来面目，伤痕累累。
All I wanted then was to go back to the hospital.
那时我只想回到医院。
I wanted to climb into my mechanical bed and watch Regis and Kathie Lee for the rest of my life.
我想爬上我的机械床，看着瑞吉斯和凯西·李度过我的余生。
I wanted to eat chocky pudding and flirt with the nurses.
我想吃布丁并与护士调情。
I wanted to be able to scream.
我希望能够尖叫。
When we got back to the hospital, Tina walked me to the elevator, and we rode up to the third floor.
当我们回到医院时，蒂娜陪我走向电梯，我们乘车上了三楼。
We hadn't said anything on the ride back.
回来的路上我们什么也没说。
She never asked me how I liked the ice cream, which is good because I wouldn't have known what to say.
她从来没有问过我是否喜欢冰淇淋，这很好，因为我不知道该说什么。
Right before the doors opened, she put her hand on my forehead.
就在门打开之前，她把手放在我的额头上。
I looked at her, and she said, good night, beautiful.
我看着她，她说，晚安，美丽的。
And I walked back to the burn unit, the safest place in the world.
然后我走回烧伤科，世界上最安全的地方。
My name is Tina Bobo, and I am a nurse.
我叫蒂娜·波波，是一名护士。
And I worked at Children's National Medical Center in Washington, DC for about eight years as a burn nurse there.
我在华盛顿特区的儿童国家医疗中心担任烧伤护士大约八年。
How old were most of the kids who were there?
那里的大多数孩子多大了？
Well, primarily the kids that we saw there were toddlers, because children have thinner skin than adults do, so an injury, a cup of coffee from a microwave would severely burn a young child, whereas for you it might make just some redness and maybe a blister.
嗯，我们在那里看到的孩子主要是学步的孩子，因为孩子的皮肤比成年人薄，所以受伤时，一杯微波炉里的咖啡会严重烧伤年幼的孩子，而对你来说，它可能只会造成一些红肿，甚至可能出现水泡。
Actually, as you say this, I'm picturing little kids' skin, where you can see all the capillaries on the surface.
事实上，正如你所说，我正在想象小孩子的皮肤，在那里你可以看到表面所有的毛细血管。
You can just see the blood moving through it in a way, where--
你可以看到血液以某种方式流过它，在那里——
This is much thinner.
这个要薄很多。
Ira Glass Now, you were in the unit for eight years?
Ira Glass 现在，你在这个单位工作了八年了？
Mmm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
Ira Glass How often would you take a patient to go and get ice cream?
Ira Glass 您多久会带病人去买冰淇淋？
Once in eight years.
八年一次。
Ira Glass Really?
艾拉·格拉斯 真的吗？
I should say here that you are the nurse in Brent's story, and we tracked you down.
我应该在这里说，你是布伦特故事中的护士，我们找到了你。
You live here in Chicago now.
你现在住在芝加哥。
And I'm surprised to hear that he was the only one.
听说他是唯一的一个，我很惊讶。
Somehow, when I heard his story, I thought, oh, well, this is a nurse who, like, at some point, in her arsenal of tricks to help a kid keep a good attitude and get better, she'll just do the ice cream thing at some point.
不知何故，当我听到他的故事时，我想，哦，好吧，这是一位护士，就像，在某些时候，在她帮助孩子保持良好态度并变得更好的技巧中，她有时会做冰淇淋的事情。
No. I wanted to do something for him.
不，我想为他做点什么。
I wanted to do something outside the hospital with him.
我想和他一起在医院外面做点什么。
Why?
为什么？
Why him?
为什么是他？
Tina Because he and I had developed a very strong bond over those few months.
蒂娜因为那几个月里我和他建立了非常牢固的联系。
We spent-- you know, I worked day, during the day, so I was there during most of the waking hours.
我们花了——你知道，我白天工作，所以我醒着的大部分时间都在那里。
The one thing, too, that was so special about Brent was that he was an adolescent.
布伦特的特别之处在于他还是个青少年。
I identified.
我确定了。
I was still very young.
我还很年轻。
I was in my early 20s to mid-20s, which was very young, and you can't help but feel-- I don't want to say sympathy, but it is sympathy.
我那时20岁出头到20岁左右，非常年轻，你不禁会感到——我不想说同情，但就是同情。
I felt sorry for him.
我为他感到难过。
I really did.
我真的做到了。
And so I wanted to do something to make his life better.
所以我想做点什么让他的生活变得更好。
It must have been strange when you took him into the outside world and then there are the two of you, and you're not in your nurse's uniform, and he's not the patient.
当你带他到外面的世界，然后有你们两个，而且你没有穿护士服，他也不是病人时，一定很奇怪。
And there you are--
你就在那里——
Feeling like I was supposed to protect him, and feeling very uncomfortable with that, because you can't-- I couldn't prevent what people were going to say or how they were going to look at him.
感觉我应该保护他，对此感到非常不舒服，因为你不能——我无法阻止人们会说什么或他们会如何看待他。
And I couldn't control how he was going to feel.
我无法控制他的感受。
On these trips, do you remember noticing other people reacting to Brent and him noticing them reacting?
在这些旅行中，您是否记得注意到其他人对布伦特的反应，而他也注意到他们的反应？
Oh, certainly.
哦，当然。
I remember in the ice cream shop in particular, even the people who worked in the ice cream shop staring at him.
我记得特别是在冰淇淋店里，连冰淇淋店里的工作人员都盯着他看。
And I remember being just really nervous that someone might say something that would really hurt his feelings, or stare for a prolonged period of time, or have some strange expression or something from seeing him.
我记得当时我真的很紧张，担心有人会说一些真正伤害他感情的话，或者长时间盯着他看，或者看到他时有一些奇怪的表情或其他东西。
The thought must have flashed through your mind at some point when you were out with him that maybe he thought of this as a date.
当你和他出去的时候，你的脑海里一定闪过这样的想法：也许他认为这是一次约会。
You think?
您认为？
Well, not really.
嗯，不是真的。
He was only 14.
他当时只有 14 岁。
It never-- not really, no. I didn't think of it that way at all.
从来没有——真的没有，没有。我根本不这么认为。
It was just a really special friendship and bond that I had with him.
我和他之间有着非常特殊的友谊和纽带。
But I didn't think of it that way.
但我不这么认为。
I don't know.
我不知道。
Did he think of it that way?
他是这么想的吗？
I think, yes.
我想，是的。
I think the thought went--
我想这个想法是——
Really?
真的吗？
Ira Glass --through his mind that, well, maybe.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）——通过他的想法，嗯，也许吧。
Yeah, kinda.
是的，有点。
Really?
真的吗？
I'm just so flattered.
我真是受宠若惊。
He-- Wow.
他——哇。
Well, I hope that was in some way beneficial to him to think that an older women with, you know-- and maybe that helped somewhat with his self-image.
好吧，我希望这在某种程度上对他有利，因为他认为一位年长的女性，你知道，也许这对他的自我形象有所帮助。
And I hope that's not a disappointment to him if he hears that it wasn't that way.
我希望如果他听到事实并非如此，他不会感到失望。
But it doesn't mean that I didn't care about him any less.
但这并不意味着我不再关心他。
It just was very different.
它只是非常不同。
You know, when you think about becoming a nurse, I would imagine the picture in your head is, you're going to be caring for people and helping them through this really hard time.
你知道，当你考虑成为一名护士时，我会想象你脑海中的画面是，你将照顾人们并帮助他们度过这段非常困难的时期。
And part of that picture must be that certain people you'll get close to and you'll really help them and be this person for them.
这幅图画的一部分必须是你会接近某些人，你会真正帮助他们并成为他们的这个人。
How often do you get to feel that connection?
您多久能感受到这种联系？
I mean, would you actually accomplish it every day?
我的意思是，你真的每天都能完成它吗？
No, you don't.
不，你不知道。
In reality, you don't.
事实上，你不知道。
You don't make those kind of bonds on a-- I can think back, of all the children I took care of-- and there was probably thousands of children-- and I remember distinctly probably 20 of those thousand in that eight years.
我可以回想起来，我照顾的所有孩子中，可能有数千个孩子，而我清楚地记得在那八年里，这千个孩子中可能有 20 个。
And again, that was a special place, because it was all children, and it was a place where we had such great resources and wonderful people.
再说一次，那是一个特别的地方，因为那里都是孩子，而且我们拥有如此丰富的资源和优秀的人民。
It seems like, because back then, resources for health care weren't like it is now, so it was kind of like an ideal world then.
看起来，因为当时的医疗资源不像现在这样，所以当时有点像一个理想的世界。
And every time I think back, oh, I wish I had that kind of job again.
And every time I think back, oh, I wish I had that kind of job again.
But that doesn't exist anymore.
但那已经不存在了。
Wonderful place.
很棒的地方。
You're saying, literally, like, places like that don't exist?
你是说，从字面上看，像这样的地方不存在？
I know, but-- Ira Glass It's changed that much?
我知道，但是—— Ira Glass 变化这么大吗？
--things are so dramatically different, just in terms even of staffing.
——即使在人员配置方面，情况也有如此巨大的不同。
Today, because there's such restraint issues with money, it seems as if staff are kind of in opposition with administration.
如今，由于在金钱方面存在如此多的限制问题，员工们似乎有点反对行政管理。
And hospital, it just doesn't seem cohesive.
而医院，似乎没有凝聚力。
Back then, it was just, the whole hospital, it just felt this cohesiveness.
那时候，就是整个医院，就感受到了这种凝聚力。
And I've been back, it's very different.
我回来了，情况很不一样。
In fact, the burn unit doesn't exist there anymore.
事实上，燃烧装置已经不存在了。
Things are so different now than they used to be.
现在的情况与以前大不相同了。
I remember thinking that something had changed in America when I saw this movie, that was not a very good movie, called As Good As It Gets last year.
我记得当我看这部电影时，我想美国发生了一些变化，那不是一部很好的电影，去年叫《尽善尽美》。
It was Jack Nicholson and-- what's her name?
这是杰克·尼科尔森——她叫什么名字？
Helen Hunt.
海伦·亨特.
Helen Hunt, right.
海伦·亨特，对。
Ira Glass And I realized, god, something has happened in America if you can have a movie and the heroic thing that the guy does is get the kid off the HMO and get him to a private doctor, like that's the heroic act.
艾拉·格拉斯（Ira Glass）：我意识到，天哪，如果你能拍一部电影，美国就发生了一些事情，而这个家伙所做的英雄事就是让孩子脱离 HMO，并让他去看私人医生，就像这就是英雄行为。
Uh-huh.
嗯嗯。
Tina Kind of like Santa Claus, almost.
Tina Kind of like Santa Claus, almost.
Well, no, like, people clapped.
Well, no, like, people clapped.
You know what I mean?
你知道我的意思？
I was like, what has happened in this country that, like, just getting somebody out of regular health care can be, like-- Did you see this movie?
我当时想，这个国家发生了什么事，就像让某人脱离常规医疗保健一样，就像——你看过这部电影吗？
Do you know what I'm talking about?
你知道我在说什么吗？
Oh, sure.
哦，当然。
I've seen it, like, two or three times.
I've seen it, like, two or three times.
And did it strike you too?
And did it strike you too?
The fact that, like, what's going on here?
The fact that, like, what's going on here?
Well, for me, it wasn't so amazing because I know, well, that is a big deal.
Well, for me, it wasn't so amazing because I know, well, that is a big deal.
My husband was just like, who cares?
My husband was just like, who cares?
OK, fine.
好吧，好吧。
The kid got to go see a good doctor.
The kid got to go see a good doctor.
I was going to say one more thing.
I was going to say one more thing.
Say it.
说吧。
Tina [SIGHS] I remember, when I would do Brent's wound care, I felt like, because it was difficult to make an emotional detachment, oftentimes I felt like I didn't do a very good job doing that, because it was hard to push myself to do something that I knew was going to hurt him so badly.
蒂娜[叹气]我记得，当我为布伦特做伤口护理时，我觉得，因为很难做到情感上的超然，我常常觉得自己做得不太好，因为很难强迫自己去做一些我知道会严重伤害他的事情。
I'm not sure that was necessary to his benefit.
I'm not sure that was necessary to his benefit.
I'm not saying it caused him any harm, but it was difficult to do.
我并不是说这对他造成了任何伤害，但这很难做到。
It's so interesting talking to you, that even now when you think about it, you worry that you went too far and got too close.
和你说话真是太有趣了，即使现在想起来，你也会担心自己走得太远、走得太近了。
Mmm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
I often wonder if that was beneficial to me at that time, too.
我常常想，这对当时的我是否也有好处。
It didn't make my life easy.
这并没有让我的生活变得轻松。
When I talked to Brent, he asked me--
When I talked to Brent, he asked me--
When I talked to him just recently, he was telling me that what he had written, the story that he had written, and he basically said, one of his big questions, he would lie in his bed and wonder what the heck I was doing when I left his bedside.
当我最近和他谈话时，他告诉我他写了什么，他写了多少故事，他基本上说，他的一个大问题，他会躺在床上，想知道当我离开他的床边时我到底在做什么。
Like, why isn't she in here?
比如，她为什么不在这里？
I'm going through all this pain.
I'm going through all this pain.
I am totally alone.
我完全孤身一人。
Someone should be with me.
Someone should be with me.
Why isn't she in here?
她为什么不在这里？
What is she doing?
她在做什么？
And it was important for me to get away, too.
And it was important for me to get away, too.
Like, after I had been through that with him, I needed to kind of cleanse myself, too, of-- you know, get myself together.
就像，在我和他一起经历了这一切之后，我也需要净化自己，你知道，让自己振作起来。
That was one very difficult thing for me to go through, too.
这对我来说也是一件非常困难的事情。
Do you know what I mean?
你知道我的意思吗？
Yeah.
是的。
Tina It affects you.
蒂娜 这会影响你。
It's not like you can just shut it off when you come home.
这并不是说你回家后就可以将其关闭。
You're supposed to be able to, and most of the time you can.
你应该能够做到，而且大多数时候你都可以做到。
But in a situation like that, it's impossible.
But in a situation like that, it's impossible.
But in a way, if you think about the kind of nurse you'd want to have, you'd want the nurse who would be affected by it outside of the hospital.
但在某种程度上，如果你考虑你想要什么样的护士，你会想要在医院外受到影响的护士。
Mmm-hmm.
嗯嗯。
You would, if it were you, if it were me.
如果是你，如果是我，你会的。
But you're saying, from a nurse's perspective, that it's too much to ask a person to do, it's too much to ask a nurse to do.
But you're saying, from a nurse's perspective, that it's too much to ask a person to do, it's too much to ask a nurse to do.
It's just like, as the health care provider, you have to be able to have your own life or you'd go nuts.
It's just like, as the health care provider, you have to be able to have your own life or you'd go nuts.
You do.
你做。
You have to be able to separate.
你们必须能够分开。
Tina Bobo.
蒂娜波波.
Brent Runyon's story was produced by Jay Allison as part of his Life Stories series, with help from Christina Egloff and funding from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.
布伦特·鲁尼恩的故事由杰·艾利森制作，作为他的生活故事系列的一部分，并得到了克里斯蒂娜·埃格洛夫的帮助和公共广播公司的资助。
[MUSIC - "SAY YES" BY ELLIOTT SMITH]
[MUSIC - "SAY YES" BY ELLIOTT SMITH]
Act Four, Looking For Love in all the Wrong Places.
第四幕，在所有错误的地方寻找爱情。
So what if you don't obey the rules and customs of the hospital?
So what if you don't obey the rules and customs of the hospital?
Wendy Dorr has this story of one woman who did, over and over, disobey those rules, and what happened to her.
Wendy Dorr has this story of one woman who did, over and over, disobey those rules, and what happened to her.
The first time Wendy Scott went into a hospital, she was 15.
温迪·斯科特第一次去医院是在她 15 岁的时候。
She had her appendix out.
She had her appendix out.
And she was surprised how much she enjoyed it.
她很惊讶自己如此享受它。
This was back in her hometown of Wemyss Bay, Scotland.
这是回到她的家乡苏格兰威姆斯湾。
I enjoyed it when the nurses would come and fluff up my pillows and ask me how I was, and how was the night, show a little bit that they cared, which is something I never really had at home.
当护士过来把我的枕头抖松，问我过得怎么样，今晚过得怎么样，表现出一点他们的关心时，我很高兴，这是我在家里从来没有真正经历过的事情。
A year later, feeling depressed and alone, working at a holiday camp on the east coast of Scotland, she got the idea to walk herself into an emergency room and tell them that she was feeling sick when she wasn't.
一年后，在苏格兰东海岸的一个度假营工作时，她感到沮丧和孤独，她想到了自己走进急诊室并告诉他们她感到不舒服，但实际上她并没有感到不舒服。
I knew I wasn't sick, but I wanted somebody to care about me.
I knew I wasn't sick, but I wanted somebody to care about me.
They kept me in a few days.
他们让我呆了几天。
They did a few blood tests, a few X-rays, said you're fine, you can go home.
他们做了一些血液检查，一些X光检查，说你很好，你可以回家了。
For a long time, that was all it ever was, which suited me.
For a long time, that was all it ever was, which suited me.
I mean, they took me into hospital, they cared about me, they gave me the attention I wanted.
I mean, they took me into hospital, they cared about me, they gave me the attention I wanted.
If you like, they recharged my batteries, and I was able to go back out and face the world and try and be normal again for a while.
If you like, they recharged my batteries, and I was able to go back out and face the world and try and be normal again for a while.
In the same way that prison can be the best place to learn how to become a better criminal, in hospitals Wendy learned how to become a better invalid.
就像监狱是学习如何成为一名更好的罪犯的最佳场所一样，温迪在医院中学习了如何成为一名更好的病人。
Over time, she came up with her own set of rules.
随着时间的推移，她想出了一套自己的规则。
Number one, always pause after the doctor asks you a question.
Number one, always pause after the doctor asks you a question.
It makes it look like you're thinking about the answer.
It makes it look like you're thinking about the answer.
Number two, never change your story.
第二，永远不要改变你的故事。
Number three, when all else fails, tell the doctor you have a stomach ache.
Number three, when all else fails, tell the doctor you have a stomach ache.
They can't prove you don't, and stomach pain can mean 100 different things.
他们无法证明您没有胃痛，而且胃痛可能意味着 100 种不同的情况。
Number four, listen closely to what the doctor says.
Number four, listen closely to what the doctor says.
He'll tell you everything you need to know.
他会告诉你你需要知道的一切。
Doctors taught me most of what I know.
我所知道的大部分知识都是医生教给我的。
I mean, I would go into the emergence room saying I've got a stomach ache, and they would examine me, and then they'd say, have you got Crohn's disease?
我的意思是，我会走进急诊室说我胃痛，他们会对我进行检查，然后他们会说，你患有克罗恩病吗？
No, what's Crohn's disease?
不，什么是克罗恩病？
And then they'd tell you all but Crohn's disease and how it affects people and things.
然后他们会告诉你除了克罗恩病以及它如何影响人和事物之外的所有事情。
And of course, you're lying there taking all this in, ready for the next time you might want to use it.
当然，您躺在那里吸收所有这些，为下次您可能想要使用它做好准备。
Wendy claims to have been a patient 850 times at over 650 different hospitals all over Europe and Great Britain.
Wendy 声称自己曾在欧洲和英国 650 多家不同医院就诊过 850 次。
It's hard to confirm these stats, as nearly all her hospital visits were registered under different names, names she'd randomly chosen out of the phone book.
很难确认这些统计数据，因为几乎她所有的医院就诊都是用不同的名字登记的，这些名字是她从电话簿中随机选择的。
What she had was a psychological disorder called Munchausen syndrome.
What she had was a psychological disorder called Munchausen syndrome.
People with this syndrome go to extreme measures pretending to be sick just to get attention.
People with this syndrome go to extreme measures pretending to be sick just to get attention.
And it's shocking how successful some of them can be.
其中一些人取得的成功令人震惊。
There are cases of people having amputations of one or more limbs, performed by doctors who believed they were ill.
有些案例中，医生认为患者患病，对其进行了截肢手术。
I mean, I've had 42 abdominal operations on my stomach.
我的意思是，我的胃已经做过 42 次腹部手术。
And I never wanted them, but if I've gone to a hospital and the doctor comes and says he doesn't know what's causing this stomach ache and maybe he better have a look and see, if I say no, he's going to wonder why I don't want to find out what's causing this pain that I'm supposed to have.
我从来不想要它们，但如果我去了医院，医生过来说他不知道是什么导致了胃痛，也许他最好看看，如果我说不，他会想知道为什么我不想找出是什么导致了我应该有的疼痛。
And so you go ahead and you have the operation.
然后你就可以进行手术了。
Sometimes, during the operation, the staff would realize that she was faking it.
有时，在手术过程中，工作人员会意识到她是在装。
And then she'd be stuck in the hospital, recovering from her surgery with everyone knowing she lied.
然后她会被困在医院里，从手术中恢复过来，每个人都知道她撒了谎。
Twice, she was even sent to prison, charged with illegally obtaining drugs, food, and lodging.
她甚至两次因非法获取毒品、食物和住宿而被送进监狱。
The hospital, like any other ecosystem, has a set of rules, and there are certain rules you simply can't break and survive in the system.
与任何其他生态系统一样，医院也有一套规则，并且有些规则是你无法打破并在系统中生存的。
For 12 years, Wendy lied to doctors and nurses and shuttled from hospital to hospital.
12年来，温迪欺骗医生和护士，穿梭于各个医院。
It was all she did with her life between the ages of 16 and 28, she says.
她说，这是她 16 岁到 28 岁之间一生所做的一切。
She never held a job or had any close relationships.
她从未有过工作，也没有任何亲密的关系。
It was just too risky.
实在是太冒险了。
As a result, her name and photo were permanently included in hospital blacklists all over the UK and Europe.
结果，她的名字和照片被永久列入英国和欧洲各地医院的黑名单中。
Hospital blacklists are illegal here in the US, but not in countries with nationalized health plans.
在美国，医院黑名单是非法的，但在实行国有化医疗计划的国家则不然。
Finally, when she actually got her wish and needed hospitalization, she couldn't get medical care.
最后，当她真正如愿以偿需要住院治疗时，却得不到医疗救治。
About 18 months ago, she started to feel a pain in her groin while she was driving.
大约18个月前，她在开车时开始感到腹股沟疼痛。
I saw a surgeon and, well, he poked me around.
我去看了一位外科医生，他向我打探。
And he said he couldn't feel a lump in my groin.
他说他感觉不到我的腹股沟有肿块。
And as for the pain I had in my stomach, well, that was payment for my past and I just had to put up with it.
至于我肚子里的疼痛，嗯，那是我对过去的补偿，我只能忍受。
Payment for my past.
为我的过去付出代价。
And I just sat there in tears.
我只是坐在那儿流泪。
She finally got medical attention through a doctor she'd met on the internet a couple of years ago.
她终于通过几年前在网上认识的一位医生得到了医疗帮助。
Doctor Marc Feldman is an expert on Munchausen syndrome.
马克·费尔德曼医生是孟乔森综合症专家。
And Wendy contacted him through his website after she started a Munchausen support group in London.
温迪在伦敦成立了一个孟乔森支持小组后，通过他的网站联系了他。
Two and a half years and 100 emails later, they were friends.
两年半后，通过 100 封电子邮件，他们成为了朋友。
Wendy phoned him this past summer for advice about this pain she'd been having, so Doctor Feldman invited her to his hospital.
去年夏天，温迪给他打电话寻求有关她所遭受的疼痛的建议，因此费尔德曼医生邀请她去他的医院。
When the doctors went into her abdomen, they spent about two hours just cutting through the scar tissue that had resulted from all of those abdominal procedures she had had in the past.
当医生进入她的腹部时，他们花了大约两个小时来切开她过去接受过的所有腹部手术造成的疤痕组织。
But once they had done that, they found what they described as a tumor the size of a small soccer ball.
但一旦他们这样做了，他们就发现了一个他们所说的小足球大小的肿瘤。
People lie in all sorts of institutional settings, in schools, at their jobs, on loan applications at banks, but most of us don't lie in hospitals.
人们在各种机构环境中撒谎，在学校、在工作场所、在银行申请贷款时撒谎，但我们大多数人不会在医院撒谎。
And it's not because we're worried about wasting hospital resources or humiliating doctors.
这并不是因为我们担心浪费医院资源或羞辱医生。
We don't lie in hospitals because it's just too frightening.
我们不会躺在医院里，因为那太可怕了。
We worry there'll be mortal consequences.
我们担心这会造成致命的后果。
And in Wendy Scott's case, there were, because she violated the rules of medicine and she couldn't get care for 18 months.
而温迪·斯科特的案例中，也有这样的情况，因为她违反了医学规则，导致她在 18 个月内无法得到治疗。
And in that time, the cancer spread to the point where there was nothing that could be done to save her.
那时，癌症已经扩散到无法挽救她的地步。
Though doctors told her she had two years to live, she died this fall, just a month after our interview.
尽管医生告诉她她还有两年的生命，但她在今年秋天去世，就在我们采访后一个月。
I'm not proud of what I did, in that I spent many thousands of pounds, wasted hospital time and money, but I couldn't help it.
我对自己的所作所为并不感到自豪，因为我花了数千英镑，浪费了医院的时间和金钱，但我无法控制。
It was something I had to do.
这是我必须做的事情。
I just didn't know any other way to get somebody to care.
我只是不知道有什么其他方法可以让别人关心我。
And although it wasn't exactly the kind of caring I wanted, it was better than no caring at all.
虽然这不是我想要的那种关心，但总比没有好。
So you accept it.
所以你接受它。
And in the end, Wendy got over her attachment to hospitals.
最终，温迪摆脱了对医院的执着。
When her illness got more advanced and she could've spent her remaining days on a ward, she instead chose to leave the hospital and spend the rest of her days at home.
当病情加重，原本可以在病房度过余生的时候，她却选择了出院，在家度过余生。
That story from Wendy Dorr.
温迪·多尔的故事。
Credits Ira Glass Well, our program was produced today by Julie Snyder and myself, with Alex Blumberg, Susan Burton, Blue Chevigny, and Starlee Kine.
图片来源：Ira Glass 嗯，我们今天的节目是由 Julie Snyder 和我本人以及 Alex Blumberg、Susan Burton、Blue Chevigny 和 Starlee Kine 制作的。
Contributing editors Paul Tough, Jack Hitt, Margy Rochlin, and Alix Spiegel, Nancy Updike, and consigliere Sarah Vowell.
特约编辑 Paul Tough、Jack Hitt、Margy Rochlin、Alix Spiegel、Nancy Updike 和顾问 Sarah Vowell。
Production help from Todd Bachmann.
托德·巴赫曼 (Todd Bachmann) 提供制作帮助。
Elizabeth Meister runs our website.
伊丽莎白·梅斯特 (Elizabeth Meister) 负责运营我们的网站。
[ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS] To buy a cassette of this or any of our programs, call us here at WBEZ in Chicago, 312-832-3380, or visit our website, where you can order tapes or you can listen to our programs for free, www.thisamericanlife.org.
[鸣谢] 要购买本节目或我们任何节目的磁带，请致电芝加哥的 WBEZ，电话：312-832-3380，或访问我们的网站 www.thisamericanlife.org，您可以在其中订购磁带，也可以免费收听我们的节目。
This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International.
《美国生活》由国际公共广播电台发行。
[FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight by Torey Malatia, who will tell you that when he and I went out just last week for that drink, he'll say it was not a date.
[资金来源] WBEZ 管理由 Torey Malatia 监督，他会告诉你，当他和我上周出去喝酒时，他会说这不是约会。
I didn't think of it that way at all.
我根本不这么认为。
It was just a really special friendship and bond that I had with him.
我和他之间有着非常特殊的友谊和纽带。
I'm Ira Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
我是艾拉·格拉斯，下周回来，带来更多《美国生活》的故事。
This American Life is produced in collaboration with WBEZ Chicago and delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange.
《This American Life》与 WBEZ Chicago 合作制作，并由 PRX 公共广播电台传送到各电台。